#Locating Cat Spray

[bejeweledblondie]

Simon “Ghost” Riley Headcannons

A/N: these are loosely inspired from real life experiences I’ve had living on a military base, these men have a on & off switch it’s crazy

Simon “Ghost” Riley x F! Reader

Warnings: NSFW

• Simon first saw you while he was in the States for a training exercise, he was out at one of the local bars with some of the other soldiers he was with

• Soap had actually asked for your number first & since he was so intoxicated you turned him down

• Simon apologized for Soap & that’s how you met

• he did have a heart attack when he found out there was a bit of a age gap between you two but quickly got over it when he realized how mature you were

• it was a long distance relationship at first (from personal experience it sucks in the beginning)

• there were times when he couldn’t talk due to the risk of potentially exposing his teams location so you had to write letters every now & then

• you cried constantly whenever you saw some horrific news in the paper about what was going on overseas, the anxiety was awful

• but when he returned the reunions were euphoric

• you have a bottle of his cologne & aftershave so you can always feel close to him

• and you’d spray your perfume on the letters you sent so he couldn’t always smell the paper when he was missing you

• it took him sometime to open up to you about what had happened to him in his past, & your respected that

• when he first met your family, he was shocked by all the support he had received from them

• he asked your parents to marry you the first time he met them & showed them the ring too (ofc they said yes)

• he proposed to you in private after a nice dinner, he got choked up during the proposal

• your dad specifically was elated, he got to brag at how bad ass his son in law is

• your mom if she’s a teacher, had her entire class send cards, candy, anything they’d need in care packages Soap nearly cried when he opened the sweetest letter from a little girl (this actually happened irl my mom’s class did this & one guy got really choked up)

• Simon always would be your fiercest protector

• since he’s like an freakin tree he will guide your head with his bear paw of a hand in crowds

•he CANNOT sit with his back facing the door it stresses him out

•this man is strapped 24/7 whether that be a knife, bear spray etc. he’s ready

•he has a trauma kit in his car because “you never know”

•Simon is 1000% one of those apocalypse preppers you have freeze dried food, medicine, water, etc. he’s always on edge

• he sleeps with a damn rifle next to y’all’s bed

• you have a whole security system too

• your guy’s apartment is impeccable like you could eat off of the floor

• hell your guy’s bed has damn hospital corners

• Simon adopted a cat so you don’t feel as lonely when he’s deployed

• He’s your chonky boy & you do send plenty of photos to Simon when he’s deployed

• Gaz & Soap tease him about him living his “cat dad” life

• you start trying for a baby two years into your marriage

• Simon does fall victim to the “curse of the infantry” (which is not a negative thing btw it’s a running joke that infantry soldiers have all daughters) he makes girls

• he was deployed during your pregnancy & was worried sick he nearly missed the birth of your daughter

• that little girl is the most well protected baby in the whole world, the Task Force gifted him not just baby stuff but damn security for the nursery

• He watches your baby from his phone in the nursery on deployment, he was silently crying once when he was watching you sing a lullaby to your baby girl

•Price had to comfort him father to father

•In reality Simon has a very hard cold exterior at work for the sake of keeping his mental health for the profession he’s in but deep down he’s always held a soft spot & your relationship just brings it out

✨NSFW ✨

• there is a big size difference between you two & it drives him insane

• the first time y’all had together he didn’t want to break you in half

• when he returns from deployment y’all go at it like rabbits for multiple rounds, your poor pussy was so sore afterwards

• has a massive corruption & daddy kink

• he’s an ass man I don’t make the rules here so any position where your ass if the focal point is his favorite

• y’all have made so many sex tapes for him when he’s deployed, he has a whole folder on his phone & jerks off to them in the bathroom or the porta potty (it’s a canon event, trust me) to them

• he lets your cockwarm him constantly when you’re on the couch, when he’s working, hell y’all had even fallen asleep like that

• I know people say he has a Prince Albert piercing but alas per army regulation that is safety risk I think it’s more likely he’d use a cock ring on you

• during a military ball you two snuck off & fucked in a supply closet

• he couldn’t wait to get back to the hotel room after seeing you in your gown, it was red his favorite color

• and he just looked so fucking good in his dress uniform, that was the night you totally conceived your baby girl

• he groans into your ear when he cums & he’ll use his body to just eclipse yours

• “one more baby girl” & “c’mon pretty girl use your words tell me what you want”

• is a sucker for babydoll lingerie it brings your innocence & triggers his corruption kink

• moral of the story Simon Riley fucks

[cherrychilli]

18+

Eddie Munson x AFAB reader, friends to lovers, mentions of nudity, brief mention of masturbation (m). Basically, Eddie finds you sleeping naked in his bed.

A/N: Idk I've had this idea in my head for too long now and I need to exorcise it out of me with this little drabble or I'll never be able to get on with my life.

Forest Hills trailer park wasn't your usual stop after clocking out of work but after the day you’ve had you don’t have it in you to wait for the next bus back to your apartment. Your place is 30 minutes away but the journey is sure to take even longer in the current downpour.

Staying over at the trailer wasn't anything new. A spare key was entrusted to you years ago and you made use of it on days like this to crash at Eddie’s for convenience sake. The key came with the promise that you were welcome to anything you needed even if both Eddie and Wayne were away – shower, food, an extra change of clothes, what have you, and you needed them all today.

With Wayne out of town for a few days and Eddie due back in two hours you sink into auto pilot, weary down to the bone from your shift. Maybe that’s why it doesn’t feel as weird as it probably should when you started to undress in their kitchenette, hanging your work clothes over the back of a nearby chair, rummaging through the fridge in your bra and panties for a quick bite to eat before heading for the shower.

There wasn’t much in it besides beer since Wayne hadn’t been around to stock it. Eddie always preferred ordering take out over getting groceries – something you were going to nag him for again when you had the strength to do so.

Cereal it would have to be.

You located a box inside one of the cupboards, tipping the wheaty, sugary contents straight into your mouth without bothering with a bowl and spoon. It’s not lost on you how similarly you’re acting to Eddie right down to the unruly state of half undress, wiping crumbs off your lips with the back of your hand. If you finished off with a belch it'd be like he never left the trailer this morning.

The messy mouthfuls of cereal prove enough to silence the toad’s croak of hunger that'd been gurgling noisily inside your belly, putting the box away.

Traipsing through, feet dragging, you threw your clothes into the washer next along with your underwear, completely nude now in the Munson trailer as you made your way to the shower – but not before reaching out for Eddie's Garfield mug that sat on a nearby shelf, turning it around so that the cartoon cat's lazy smirk no longer faced you. For your modesty.

You try to keep the shower brisk, not wanting to use up all the hot water but with the way it sprays down on your aching body, the steam and heat combo soothing your poor sore muscles, it’s so blissful that you have to keep yourself from nodding off right there.

You did make use of Eddie’s body wash, some spicy, woodsy smelling thing in a jet-black bottle but you didn't dare use the two in one shampoo that sat in their shower caddy. It might have worked fine for Eddie and his wild mane but you knew better than to apply the stuff to your own hair. Fortunately, experience had taught you to carry a travel sized bottle filled with your own shampoo whenever you stayed over, working over your locks in a lather scented with cranberries and vanilla.

Stamina depleting by the second, toweling off and brushing your teeth takes the last sliver of energy out of you. Eyelids slipping, movements sluggish, limbs feeling too heavy for your own body to hold up – you’re shutting down whether you like it or not.

Dropping the damp towel on his bedroom floor, you intended to change, you really did. You’d even picked out one of Eddie’s washed t-shirts and a pair of boxers out of the laundry and set them down at the foot of the bed to put on before you made yourself comfortable but that’s not what happened.

Still nude, you crawl into bed, seeking warmth and soft comfort, numbed down to a kind of tunnel vision with rest being your one and only goal.

It feels all the more natural because you’re used to sleeping naked in your own bed, much too tired to remember that you’re not in your bed, draping a blanket that doesn't belong to you over your spent body, surrendering to sleep seconds after your head hits the pillow.

It'd still been raining when Eddie returns later. Dragging himself through the trailer, nearly as worn down as you had been, shaking the excess water out of his hair like a dog trying to get dry.

The smell of your shampoo still lingering in the air tells him you're there, finding you curled up in his bed, all bundled up to your neck. The sight makes him smile.

It doesn't take too long for him to join you, following a similar routine – a quick bite with the addition of a beer and then a shower, only he doesn't skip out on clothing himself in his PJ's first.

If he’d shared the blanket with you he might have found out about your lack of dress sooner but as the gentleman that he can sometimes be, he pulls out a spare blanket from the closet so as to not wake you, prolonging the discovery. Being friends for so long meant that sharing a bed was never awkward even after you'd became adults.

That was until the next morning came.

It’s not the stream of morning light brightening from a cool blue to a warm amber peeking in between the curtains that wakes Eddie, or even the tinny smack of his neighbor’s broken screen door gusting open just a few feet away from his bedroom window. It’s the warmth of your ass pressed flush against his crotch and his nose nestled in your sweet-smelling hair that pulls him out of a dream he wont be able to recall later if he tried.

He shifts closer, eyes cracking open, remembering the tiny bottle of shampoo sitting on the bathroom counter. Remembering the new toothbrush placed in the cup next to his own. Remembering the powder blue towel that neither he nor Wayne ever used laying on his bedroom floor.

And then he remembers that he’s not alone.

Oh...

And then he wishes that he was.

Panic snaps up like a beartrap around Eddie when he realizes he's hard – his thick, throbbing erection pressed right up against your body.

Growing clammy, cold sweat beads on the back of his neck but he’s in luck because you haven’t noticed yet, still sound asleep.

This close together, he knows the slightest movement could rouse you. But what was the alternative? Wait it out? Hope to hell his boner goes away? Fat fucking chance. Not when the soft swell of your ass and your body heat alone had him questioning how he could ever go back to his calloused fist after this.

Carefully, desperately, he tries to inch back without waking you but just as he feared, you begin to stir. Your back arches instinctively, seeking out his warm, solid frame even in your sleep.

Shit shit shit.

The covers slip as you shift, your bare shoulders coming into view, eyes starting to flutter open. With no other option, Eddie swiftly rolls on to his back, his hard on no longer pressed up against you but the problem persists.

“Oh, morning”, you greet him through a yawn, pulling an arm out to rub at your eyes, blanket slipping lower but the frantic boy hasn’t noticed yet, too busy whipping his pillow out from under him to place over his lap.

“Uh-hey. Shower’s free if you wanna go first”, he offers quickly, smiling hard, hoping to subtly usher you out because he's too afraid to get up and risk you getting a load of the tent in his pants if he were to go ahead of you.

“Thanks”, you yawn again, still occupied with rubbing at your sleepy eyes to notice your best friend's pale face turning beet fucking red in an instant as you clamber out of bed, blankets no longer concealing you.

Eddie doesn’t know where to look first. His eyes dart everywhere, every bare inch of you on display. So much soft, naked skin it’s making him short circuit.

His gaze eagerly travels over the slope of your breasts as they jiggle gently with your movements, taking in your soft nipples, moving down over your belly and hips, noticing a few new freckles and beauty marks there along the way to the soft curls between your legs.

His erection digs into the pillow, brain dangerously close to fizzing because he’d been pressed up against you like that all night and not even known it.

A shiver works its way through you, making you question why it feels so drafty in his room all of a sudden. You turn back to ask Eddie if there’s anything wrong with the heating, catching the shocked expression on his face.

Looking down, you're met with the sight of your nude body, breasts bare, no underwear. It's a good thing the occupants of the trailer park liked to mind their own business, even if sometimes you thought they did so to a fault because in any other neighborhood your piercing screech would have had everyone within earshot dialing up the cops.

The scream ricochets off the walls at an ear ringing volume, causing Eddie to jolt and lose his balance, falling out of bed while you leapt back in. Grabbing his spare pillow, you press one half against your chest and squeeze the rest between your thighs to shield yourself.

Now he slaps his hands over his eyes.

---

More than anything, you try so hard to push it aside. To pretend that it hadn't happened but it looms over you like a cloud on the brink of bursting with rain.

After three whole days of walking around eggshells around each other it's Eddie who breaks first.

"I can't stand this I don't know what else to do, Can we just talk about it please?"

“Eddie…", you sigh, a gentle warning.

"So what if I saw you naked? you saw my boner!...sort of. I mean, I guess that doesn't exactly make us even but it has to count for something, right? you're not alone in this"

You immediately set your wide eyes on the only other patrons in the diner to see if they’d overheard – two older women swapping pictures of their grandchildren over coffee and cheesecake. When neither of them take a pause in the middle of cooing about little Tommy's third Birthday or little Emily's first day of Kindergarten you redirect your attention back to Eddie.

“Eddie! Keep your voice down!”, you whisper shout at him from across the booth. "There are literal grandmother's here!"

He rolls his eyes. Not mean spirited, just unconcerned by the ladies and what they may or may not have overheard.

And then, even though no one’s paying either of you any attention, you lean closer over your half-finished key lime pie, one hand shielding the side of your face like you’re trying to avoid getting recognized by an ex who’s just walked in.

"I'm so embarrassed...please can we just drop it?", you plead, voice hushed.

He gives you this look of mild incredulity. "You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Trust me", and the inflection in his tone almost gives him away, prompting him to double back immediately.

The last thing he wants is for you to feel more uncomfortable than you already do. So he doesn't need you to catch on that he's got every moment of your unintended strip tease memorized. Or that he likes to replay what he's since thought of as the best 10 seconds of his life over and over again when he's fucking his fist in the shower.

“I just mean that it's nothing to be embarrassed by. It could have happened to anyone. Who among us hasn’t napped in just their birthday suit before, am I right?” he finishes with a slight wince, knowing none of this is exactly helpful.

And you know he’s only trying to be nice in his own, sweet, bumbling way but you still feel terrible.

"I don't know if I can shake this feeling", you cast your eyes down, looking too close to despondent for his liking.

"Listen I- I don't know how to fix this but I want to. Please just tell me what I can do and I'll do it, okay?"

God, he's sweet and it makes you feel a little flustered being on the receiving end of that gentle stare, needing to shift the mood lest you drown in all that earnestness pooling in his eyes.

It's moments like this that call for a bad joke to cut the tension, right? some momentary and well meaning deflection before you're ready to address the matter at hand again.

Letting out a half hearted laugh, you make your best attempt to inject some humor into the situation.

"I don't know. Maybe it might help if you got naked too", you nervously scraped your fork against the buttery graham cracker crust of your pie, dislodging a few golden crumbs.

It was so very clearly a joke. At least you had thought so. Eddie? not so much.

His brown eyes go wide, looking scandalized, his voice coming out a little more quite than you're used to.

"What?"

"I mean, I showed you mine after all", you tried again in a cadence that was wholly unserious but once again, he fails to catch on.

"You want me to get naked for you?"

You should correct him and you mean to but before you're able to do just that, something about the way he's staring at you makes you want to match his seriousness. The fact that he didn't say no right away strikes you as weirdly intriguing.

"You don't have to", you clarify, adding, "It's just that – well, you asked and I think it could maybe help? to really get us on even ground?”

The words that come out don't feel like you own – foreign to your ears even though they're said in your voice, with your own lips forming them and your own tongue curling around every syllable.

What the hell am I doing?

Eddie pauses. Seconds drag on like nails on a chalkboard as he taps a ringed finger thoughtfully on the edge of his empty plate smudged with faint traces of cream cheese and lime zest.

"Fine. On one condition", he leans back, arms crossing over his chest, smiling wide and megawatt bright.

Oh my god is this really happening?

“...Yeah?”

"You're going to undress me"

---

Part two? who knows. Certainly not I.

[squiddy-god]

can I request leona with an cat beastman bf, like once he's just sleeping somewhere and when he wakes up there's someone sleeping by his side – someone that wasn't there before.

so before they start dating, they become nap buddies. they always nap together, and once cat!bf starts to do the classic feline courtship (giving leona something he hunt, the classic cat bakery on his body and stuff like that) leona, as a big cat, ofc knows what's going on and reciprocates

now they're like the biggest haters of the entire nrc population but hey at least they love each other so they hate on people together, gossip together and do feline things together :)

( ruggie CANNOT stand their asses if he sees one more session of them cat bathing each other's hair he's gonna THROW UP )

tbf I just want an lion x housecat trope .......

This is so great because i'm imaging like those super judgemental cats and yall just hate on everyone 

♥���requests open ♥︎

Cw : reader is yuu but is also a beastman (interpret how you want), male/masc! Reader, everytime i write male/masc reader an angel gets it wings, yall are judgy in this lol

I absolutely love the idea of just two cats in love, 

It 1000% started as you napping next to him because let's face it he knows the best napping locations 

At first hes so annoyed but eventually it reaches the understanding of both of you being napping buddies

Ruggie is just glad he has to deal with less of leonas attitude lmao, he's your problem now 

When you start dating its probably one of those things where in his head you have been dating for like 4 months now, but your like “what are we” 

The cat bakery biscuit machine is so real because i just imagine you napping in bed and out of nowhere you are making biscuits on him because mmmmm

I think he does the cat bap thing 

Bap bap bap 

Rolls his eyes every time you loudly proclaim that he cant nap without you but like,,,is the lie in the room with us 

I like to think that he pretends and rolls his eyes when you do like cat courtship stuff like dead birds on his doorstep lmao but he secretly loves it so much

Now i think leona is actually going to be the biggest culprit of the licking your hair 

And ruggie is so sick of it, if he sees this FREAK lean over to lick you one more time hes getting the spray bottle and he is USING it  

Ssk ssk ssk ssk type shit

While yall are cuddling this man HATES 

He is the next top hater at nrc, i fear to say but yall are hating on malleus 

Lizard boy is catching strays (hahaha get it) and he's not even there to defend himself 

And if you hate someone? Babe that is his ENEMY

Supportive hater king, like if you hate that person so dose he, no need to explain (but do because the gossip is hot and fresh) but he needs no reason to be a hater 

This isnt even black cat x orange cat, this is two of the most judgy black cat duos 

Like the black cat filing its claws like you just told the most hot tea this century 

Dare i say… BACK TO THE KITTY CAUSE HES KINDA PRETTY- I CANT STOP LOOKING AT HIS T-T-T-FACE

The worst is when you have the same lazy mischievous grin and everyone knows shit is about to go down

[lemonade4wanda]

Craving you

Dark!Wanda Maximoff x reader

Minors dni!! Masterlist°•☆

Summary - you take a job working for Maximoff industries without realising your bosses obsession with you before it's too late.

Warnings - stalking, creepy Wanda, dark Wanda, stalker Wanda, begging, masturbation(pls I can't spell it), humping, finical abuse? Finger sucking, gagging, tears, not proofread, lmk if there's anything else I should add!!

Words- 1.9k

A/n - I've never written anything dark or like this before so even more than usual all feedback is appreciated!!! <333

Wanda Maximoff. Over achieving ruthless ceo with no weakness, we'll that was until you began working for her company. So distracting to her and her cruel attitude with you bright energy and wide smiles, how could she be mean to someone.. someone like you. Your long floral dresses which she noticed always had matching earrings and sweet smelling perfumes which reminded her of the most gorgeous flowers, she made notes to find out the brand of perfume so she could spray it across her house to remind her of you. From the minute you'd walked in on your first day she knew she wanted you, she needed you, she wanted you all to herself but for now she was content letting you continue your job unaware of her lingering gaze on your body as she'd admire every curve and edge while you walked around her office. Unaware of the way your things seemed to go missing and the tiny cameras that began to occupy all angles of your cubicle room.

Your first few weeks she kept a close eye, making sure you were settling into the office and that everyone was being nice to you.. but not too nice of course. She watched through the cttv as you made coffees for the other workers in the break room, what a sweet soul. Wanda took notice of how other coworkers looked at you making sure to move the ones who were getting too bold to another department, its not that she didn't want you to find love it just had to be with the right person, with her. She learnt your interests from eavesdropping and searching your computer after hours.. this wasn't creepy was it? No of course not she brushed off the thought, she just wanted to get to know her employees this was normal. All bosses did that. She since found out your favourite colour; lilac. That you had two pet cats called Marlo and Nixie also that they were your screensaver for your office computer. She also discovered your love for your journal, selfishy she always hoped you'd forget it after work so Wanda could read through every page and discover every little detail about your life.

It only seemed as the weeks went on her obsession seemed to grow. Finding a reason to move your cubicle closer to her office saying there was a leak where your old one was and that you'd be much safer here. The pre mentioned perfume well she found out what it was, gucci flaura. She'd found it whilst rifling through your bag while you were in the bathroom. Your salary wasn't enough to afford perfumes like this so it must of been a gift so she made sure to buy you some in preparation for your next birthday. After this the stalking . More thorough resarch began, she searched up all your social media's, found old jobs, checked extended families Facebook, somehow managed to hack your home Internet after she located your current home, a shared two bed flat in a bad area of town, god when you were her's you'd never have to share such a dingy flat the rest of your life. Back to the Internet she tracked everything you looked up or bought, occasionally deleting searches she didn't approve of. Next she worked on getting into your home's security cameras... just to make sure your safe, this city is dangerous after all.

Wandas little obsession was only growing and was beginning to get a little for lack of  better words.. depraved. Shed stay up late at night watching you change in your apartment touching herself to the gorgeous silhouette of your body. She'd spray the perfume you wore around her room before humping her pillow. She followed you around town from a distance capturing pictures of you to add to her collection. Your sweetness only furthered this, the confused pout on your face when you realised your cardigan had gone missing without a trace, deciding to ask Wanda about it you missed her smug smirk instead just accepting the answer she gave you.

"Maybe you didn't bring it in darling. I mean I know how forgetful you are. Your lucky we keep around such a clutz like you." In return you'd nodded your head and left her office feeling like an idiot for even suggesting someone could have taken it.

Wanda was slowly winning you over, atleast that's what she thought until she saw you getting a little too close to a fellow coworker, Marcus. If only you could've felt her glare through the security camera. For a little bit she decided to let it go assuming Marcus was just being creepy with you ans that moving him to another department would do the trick. That only led her to see you were the one initiating the flirting with Marcus. How could you do this to her, Wanda felt her heart shattering as she threw her mug at the office wall in a fit of pure rage. You were hers. Her property. What could you not understand about that?

You'd left her no decision. She'd make you understand your place even if she had to hurt you, her precious.

You were called into Wandas office one day, unaware of her desire for you, you had assumed nothing of it hoping perhaps got a pay rise. I mean you'd been working tooth and nail recently maybe she was going to prove your work hadn't gone unnoticed. You quietly knocked on her office door and she immediately recognised the way you knocked. How couldn't she? She loved you after all.

"Y/n come sit." She tells you after letting you in. As you enter you pick up on the tension in the air, the dark edge to her voice as she spoke to you. This wasn't going to be good but you couldn't think of what you'd done. You sat back nervously in the chair infront of her desk, fearing what to come. Wanda gazed at you quietly, how cute you looked when scared. The way your eyes widened and you bit your gum, adorable. Maybe she should have done this long ago.

"I'm sure you know why your here-." She starts.

"No.. I don-.."

"Don't interrupt me when I'm speaking." Wanda snaps as she hears your voice making you go quiet and shrink further into your chair wishing you could dissappear.

"Now as I was saying I'm sure you know why your here. For your inappropriate harassment of Marcus." Your jaw dropped at this news, there had to be some confusion you'd never harass anyone. You were about to speak opening your mouth to do so when she held up a hand to shush you. "We have witness statements from other colleagues to back up this statement. Marcus came to us three weeks ago saying you were making unwanted advances on him, so we moved him to another department." She pauses staring at you, judging you at least that's what you saw. You felt like the world was crumbling around you. You'd never do this to anyone this had to be a mix up. Tears threatened to spill from your eyes and Wanda had to hold back a malicious grin, she had you just where she wanted you. "Today he handed in a letter of resignation stating you were becoming unbearable and beginning to scare him." Oh it was laughable the look on your face. Of course Marcus had never really resigned, Wanda had fed him the exact same story and fired him. "So that comes to you y/n. We can't have people scaring off and harassing other employees here." She can barely hold the excitement back anymore.

"So what? I'm fired?" You whispered in response, terrified for the answer you knew was coming. You hadn't done anything wrong but it was clear Wanda had made up her mind about you.

"Exactly."

She looked at you like a predator stalking it's prey.

"But.. but I needed this job.."

"You'll find another." Her voice was stern, unchanging no matter what you said.

"Please.." You managed to muster the singular word out and you swear your saw her face contort into a sick grin.

"Say it again darling."

"Please." There it was an unsettling sickening smile that made you want to squirm back in your chair.

"Hmm.. well when you beg like that." She pauses thinking for a second. "On your knees." She commands in a voice foreign to the one she usually spoke with you in.

You looked up to her hesitant thinking this could be here twisted idea of a joke but the look in her eyes made it clear she wasn't. Slowly you step off the chair and kneel down on the floor. She walks round the table placing your head against her thigh, tilting your head up to make eye contact with her and beginning to wave her hand through your hair. "Beg again. Like you mean it."

You were horrified at this idea and you knew it was wrong but you couldn't help but feel like some of this was right, the soothing feeling you felt with her hand knotted in your hair. "Please Wan-.." A harsh slap was placed against your face as you called her by her first name. Correcting yourself you began again. "Please Mrs Maximoff.." Her touch was soft again now, the hand that just hit you now gently caressing your cheek and wiping tears from it. "..please give me my job back. I really need it to pay my bills and to make ends meet. I need this job, it's the only place I've ever worked that pays me enough to survive. And I know you don't believe me but I never did those things to Marcus.. I dont know why he said that." More tears fall and you open your mouth to continue but she places her slender finger to your lips before you can speak.

"Hmmm.. your very convincing sweetheart." Her finger presses against your mouth demanding access and when you don't allow it another slap hits you forcing your mouth to open allowing her fingers inside. "Sorry about that darling I don't mean to be rough.. you see you've just made me very angry today. Suck." She commands you again and this time you listen not wanting to experience more stinging in your cheek. Slowly and a little reluctantly you suckle on her two fingers. Running your tongue along them. "Good girl." Her other hand massages your hair.

"Now it just wouldn't be appropriate to give you your old job back.. but I can think of a better one. You can work for me or should I say under me." A low laugh escapes her mouth as she looks down at your head lay against her thigh. "You could be my personal assistant. Help me out. Please me. Serve me. Now what do you think of that dorogoy?" Before letting you speak she forces her hand down your throat causing you to gag. She then removes them and licks your drool off them.

"Uhm.." It doesn't take you long to think of an answer. You needed a job and Wanda was being kind enough to offer you one again. "Yes please Mrs. Maximoff."

"That was the correct choice dear." Her finger strokes your jaw line. "You've no idea how long I've been waiting to see you like this. All mine." You want to flinch at her words but all you feel is a fluttery feeling in your stomach.

[pricesprincess]

from this ask | fat fem! reader | asshole oc for story purposes

simon riley really did live up to his nickname ghost with the way he followed you from place to place and any obstacles didn't matter to him, not when it came to know if you were safe or not.

he knew your schedule like his own and after years of being together it was just natural and simon couldn't just give up on the notion that you weren't his wife anymore so that's why he calls you everyday.

it could be about the weather, if things around your apartment need to be fixed, or if any men are hitting on you at your job because the idea of you moving on makes him sick to his stomach with dreadful pain.

but the first thing he always asks is are you okay love? because he wants to know if you are doing alright, perhaps without him and it seems that you're struggling with it all as well.

so when you ask simon to crash your date when you're halfway through dinner because he keeps making odd comments that put you on edge the moment you two sat down from each other there was no way he wouldn't help you.

your date was polite at first but something in your gut was warning you to text simon a simple word. red. he knew what it would mean.

"i'll be right back, i just need to freshen up." you murmured with a fake smile as you grabbed your purse and stood up knowing that if you were to be honest he could flip out and do something crazy.

your date nodded looking you up and down with a slight lip curl. "you could've dressed better and sprayed more perfume." his words were said so nonchalantly like they couldn't hurt a person's feelings.

you couldn't get away from his faster.

once in the bathroom you leaned against the wall pulling up simon's contact, the picture was of him and the cat you had custody of, princess q-tip who you had to beg him to do it but gave in quickly.

white with blue eyes and spoiled since you weren't too sure on having kids with his job, while you would love to have a baby with him it was the practical thing to do right now.

instead of texting you called him.

hearing simon's rough voice made the hair on the back of your neck stand. "hello? everthing ollright love?" the use of your nickname had your mouth going dry knowing you only had so much time.

"i'm on a date and its in the red, if you're busy i know i can always call the guys too and one of them can save me." your words tumbled out in a rush you were nervous he didn't hear and you'd have to repeat it.

in the background you heard the television click off and simon grunt as he stood up to get dressed. "send me your location." he hung up giving you some time to prepare yourself before going back out.

when you came back your date was flirting with the waitress, his eyes undressing her as she stood there until she finally saw you and smiled awkwardly before leaving you two alone.

"don't worry about her, your rack is a lot bigger." he told you with a wink and tipped his beer back all but chugging the thing as you watched with a slack jaw, you weren't offended when insults came from people who were clearly miserable with themselves.

the moment you leaned down to grab your water cup to splash him with it you smelt him before you felt his hand on your hip giving it a squeeze as he towered over the table casting a shadow over it.

his intense gaze cut through the air like sharp daggers intimidating the man who looked up at your ex-husband who pulled on his mask for old time-sake. "she's coming home with me." simon told him.

there was no arguing from your date which only made you laugh mentally as simon guided you away from the table and prying eyes, his lips brushing against your ear. "you deserve a lot better than that."

his words were laced with a profound sense of sadness and his sentence had a double meaning. "thank you for saving me, i don't think i'm going to date for a while after all that." you murmured and let him walk you to his car and open the door as usual.

almost like you were both on autopilot.

simon listened as you told him about your date and you both laughed and joked about everything which was really what you needed and then when the porch light flicked on as simon pulled his car up into the driveway he knew he shouldn't ask but did so anyway.

"can i come in for a nightcap?" he asked turning to look at you before tugging his mask off, it was a rare sight that he never let anyone see.

without saying anything you leaned over and kissed his scarred cheek. "of course, i'll make your favorite." you told him with a grin feeling your heart ache at being so close to him again.

[theoutcastrogue]

Cartoon depictions of the homeless increasingly reflect the hostility of today’s political leaders toward people on the streets. We’ve gone from images of charming hobos with bindles to zombies taking over cities. If you consume any news at all, you’ve probably noticed that the United States is pathologically cruel to its homeless citizens. This May, the brutal killing of Jordan Neely—who was strangled to death, at the age of 30, simply because he was unhoused and shouting on the Manhattan subway—captured the national spotlight, but it was just one of many such cases of unprovoked violence. In January, two cops reportedly kidnapped a homeless man in Hialeah, Florida, drove him to an “isolated and dark location,” and beat him unconscious. That same month, art dealer Shannon Collier Gwin faced battery charges after he sprayed a homeless woman with a hose outside his San Francisco gallery, barking “Move! Move!” at her. (Predictably, Gwin got a lenient plea deal of just 35 hours of community service.) Elsewhere in the city, homeless San Franciscans have been attacked with chemical bear spray on at least eight occasions. Other assaults have been more impersonal but no less vicious. On July 14, the city of Houston abruptly closed its only public cooling center in the downtown area, potentially condemning anyone without shelter to suffer heatstroke in 90-degree weather. Among the property-owning class, the phenomenon of hostile architecture—sidewalks with spikes that stab anyone who tries to sleep, benches with iron bars, and the like—has become de rigueur. The widespread callousness and lack of compassion are both infuriating and hard to comprehend. How on Earth, we might ask, did things get this bad? [...]

Looking back at older cartoons, one of the things that stands out immediately is the absence of negative attitudes toward the homeless. In fact, during the Golden Age of animation, creators seemed to have had a real affinity for the poor and unhoused, often placing their most iconic characters in that role. There’s a wonderful 1948 Warner Bros. short called “Riff Raffy Daffy,” in which Daffy Duck is looking for a place to sleep—first on a park bench, then a trash can, and finally a furniture display in a shop window—and has to dodge the harassment of the police, as represented by Porky Pig in a little blue uniform. (Literally, the cop is a pig!) Or, in the 1950 cartoon “Homeless Hare,” Bugs Bunny’s rabbit hole is destroyed by a new construction project, leading him to unleash his usual slapstick mayhem against the developers until they put it back. In these cartoons, homelessness is something inflicted on people by outside forces—gentrification and the real estate business, in Bugs’ case—and something which can be successfully resisted. Even Disney cast a homeless dog as a romantic lead in 1955’s Lady and the Tramp, contrasting Lady’s sheltered naivety with Tramp’s superior knowledge of the world. The title invokes the memory of Charlie Chaplin’s “Tramp” films, which similarly brought dignity and humanity to the role of a homeless man. (Bugs Bunny, too, takes inspiration from Chaplin, and multiple Warner animators have drawn him as the Tramp.) In 1961, Hanna-Barbera’s profoundly underrated Top Cat followed the adventures of a gang of wisecracking Manhattan alley cats, who, like Daffy, are always outwitting a meddling policeman. At worst, classic cartoons may trivialize the suffering and danger associated with homelessness—there’s a certain recurring image of the carefree hobo carrying a bindle, which paints the whole subject in a romanticized light—but the homeless themselves are rarely disparaged or made the butt of the joke. Quite the opposite. 

It took a few years, but cartoons caught up to the Reaganite turn. In episodes from the ’90s and early 2000s, there’s a palpable shift in the way homeless characters appear compared to earlier decades. The perspective is different: we’re now seeing them through the eyes of comfortably housed characters, rather than their own. Often they don’t even get proper names. [...] This trajectory leads us, perhaps inevitably, to SpongeBob SquarePants. [..] Squidward gets accused of stealing a dime by his comically greedy boss, Mr. Krabs, and quits his job in a fit of outrage. We then flash forward to see Squidward, now bedraggled and unshaven, living in a cardboard box on the street and begging for change. [...] Mercifully, the ever-cheerful SpongeBob gives Squidward a place to stay—but the moment he’s safely off the street, Squidward turns from a sympathetic victim of circumstance into a lazy, entitled freeloader, straight out of a Reagan speech. He makes no effort to find work and loafs around SpongeBob’s house for ages. [...] Eventually, an exasperated SpongeBob writes “GET A JOB” in his alphabet soup, before shoving him (bed and all) back to work at the Krusty Krab. [...] Worst of all, though, the episode suggests that homelessness can be solved on an individual basis if the people in question simply stop being lazy and “GET A JOB.” This is the biggest myth of all. In 2021, a statistical analysis by the University of Chicago found that 53 percent of people in homeless shelters, and 40.4 percent of unsheltered people, do have jobs. The problem is that their wages are too low, and rents are too high. According to statistics from the same year, it’s impossible for someone working a full-time, minimum-wage job to afford a single-bedroom apartment in 93 percent of U.S. counties, and there are no states in which someone can rent a two-bedroom space on the current federal minimum wage of $7.25 per hour. In other words, homelessness has little or nothing to do with personal responsibility, or lack thereof. It’s a consequence of large-scale economic decisions made by landlords and bosses. [...]

— Alex Skopic

[jeonginsleftcheek]

The sun to me

Chapter I. The Seed. Part II.

pairing: hwang hyunjin x afab!reader

word count: 1.2k

chapter summary: a glimpse into the world of y/n, the florist and the dreamer.

warnings: tw for brief description of terminal illness and death of reader's mother

~ Masterlist for the series

~ next part

💐 Daffodil - rebirth and new beginnings.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Your alarm sounds off and you grunt, hand searching blindly for your phone to turn off the shrill sound.

"Shut up."- you mutter as it rings annoyingly and loudly next to your head before you crack one eye open and finally locate the culprit.

You manage to turn off the alarm, blinking a few times before your eyes travel to your window. Warm sunlight barely peeks through your curtains, casting a glow on your face, reflecting the sparkle in your eyes.

You turn your head away, it's too early to stare into so much light and you stretch your limbs, letting out a little noise of satisfaction.

It's going to be a slow morning at your flower shop, you know it because no one has birthdays, weddings, funerals or anniversaries today.

You know Barbara will probably arrive at 9:00 am sharp to buy a new bouquet for her cats even though they could care less but it makes her happy, and making people happy is what makes you happy.

You've always loved flowers, ever since you were a little child, your mother was always in her garden, her gentle hands careful with the stems, careful with the seed, always dirtied with the precious soil.

Always on her knees, working and working away around her flowers, that most of the time you were sure she loved them more than she loved you.

She taught you everything, the symbolism of every flower was etched in your mind, as you would lay your head on your pillow, she'd sit next to you and tell you stories about flowers before you'd drift off into dreamland.

You kept a little flower diary, complete with dried flowers from the garden and the ones you'd find outside, their symbolism written next to them with the most beautiful calligraphy your little hands could come up with.

As you grew taller, the collection of dried flowers grew bigger, your mother grew older and fell sick, too weak to spend time working her life away in her garden.

The flowers withered and so did she, there was nothing you could do as you watched her being lowered into the soil she loved so much, a flower bed made just for her frail body to decompose under.

You didn't cry that day, not even the next day or that week.

You cried when you stepped into the garden, seeing half of the flowers she so carefully nurtured withering away. You were mad, mad at her for leaving you, mad at the universe taking her away from you.

You were mad at the stupid flowers for getting so much of her attention and love.

But you knew nothing else except them, wanting to honor your mother's existence, you got on your knees and worked away in your garden, your hands gentle with the stems, careful with the seed, dirtied with the precious soil stained with your tears.

You opened up a flower shop on the island, the first and only one, making it also a great investement as it became your livelihood.

The flowers were all you knew, but in a way, you felt like they knew you too. Like they spoke to you with some intricate secret language that only you understood.

The bell on the door chimes just as you were spraying your yellow roses with water, humming along to the music playing lightly in the background, lost in thought.

"Good morning, y/n!"- Barbara chirps happily as she walked into your flower shop, 9 am sharp as she always does.

She smiles brightly, her red dress flowing around her chubby frame, patterned with sunflowers, the symbolism of happiness.

That's what she always was to you and everyone else, at least on the outside. Always smiling, her eyes big and sparkly as she talked about all seven of her cats.

Today, it's Muffin's turn, cat number five, he made a mess in her kitchen today, knocking over one of Barbara's potted plants. She even had pictures to show you as proof. You chuckle along as she shows the video of said cat, staring at her like there was nothing wrong, after completely messing up her marble counter.

She asks for a new bouquet, this time it's orange and purple zinnias, of course on your recommendation since you took the time to always do research, even when it comes to flowers that might be poisonous to pets.

Your hands are careful and gentle as you arrange the zinnias together, as Barbara keeps talking your ear off.

"Oh, did you hear?"- the tone of her voice shifts suddenly, becoming eager and suggestive.

Here comes the gossip part, Barbara knows everyone's business on this island, and she butts into it but no one holds it against her, knowing that for a 50 year old woman with seven cats, she's probably just a lonely soul.

"Hear what?"- you ask absentmindedly, grabbing some orange paper to wrap the flowers with it.

"Apparently some celebrity is coming to stay on the island."- she says as if that's somehow gonna save her from her loneliness.

"Oh yeah?"- you feign interest, celebrity culture was not something you cared about, you always thought all of that bling and flashes of the camera were a fake world, set up by soul-sucking people who only exist to make money.

In the eye of the public, celebrities were just puppets on strings, but any other time they were just normal human beings like everyone else.

"Yes, I don't know who it is yet, but oh, I hope it's some handsome actor!"- Barbara swoons and you chuckle, reaching the polished bouquet to her.

"I'm sure you'll find out soon."- you say as she gives you a 10, a special discount for her since she's a regular, but she always adds a few more coins.

"Oh, I'll let you know when I do."- she winks, thanking you before she leaves the shop.

You could care less about some stuck up celebrity.

Right now what needs your attention is your yellow roses so you concentrate on that, tossing out thoughts of Barbara, her cats and the mysterious celebrity.

The wind. It can be a gentle breeze, caressing your skin like a tender lover that brings comfort to your soul, it can be refreshing as it cools you down on a hot summer night, bringing some air into your parched lungs or it can be cold, cold as ice that prickles on your skin, like frostbite, chilling you deep to your very bones.

But in this case, the wind blowing through Hyunjin's hair, as he leans his hands on the railing of the ship, feels like pure and unaldulterated freedom.

The smell of the salty sea fills up his nostrils, the sunlight kisses his cheeks, he listens to the sound of the waves crashing against the hull of the ship like a passionate lover and Hyunjin wants to laugh like a maniac.

No Charlie anywhere in sight, no crooked faces, no baggies of white, no green dollar bills, no beautiful models, no emptiness.

It feels like a new beginning, a rebirth for him.

He has no plans, no deadlines, no itineraries, no maps, nothing but one suitcase and his will to recover.

Recover from the ugly cycle he threw himself in, from all the things that poison his brain, his body and his heart.

As he finally sets foot on land, dragging his suitcase behind him, he no longer feels like Hwang Hyunjin, the artist. Hwang Hyunjin, the celebrity. Hwang Hyunjin, the empty shell of a person.

He feels like someone else, someone he can't wait to discover.

✨Taglist: @moonchild9350 @janepg @velvetmoonlght @hwanghyunjinismybae @jehhskz @laylasbunbunny @porangporangmeong @jeonginslefthand @sapphirewaves @simpforleeknaur @laughatdanger @lixies-favorite-cookie @linavc @quokkacidal @thisaintredwine @m00gyu @yaorzu-blog @skzfelixlove @tajannah-price1 @puccaaak @aft2rsexs @xxkissesforchanniexx @aprilmaejune77 @lilmeowneow @stayjinnie @astrobebba @danihwang882 @kaysungshine @nchhuhi @1810cl @chartrucewhore @babigriin @jisuperboard @alisonyus

[ches-fallen-from-heaven]

Sweets ⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅

Windows and Streetlights

(Credits to @azriel.kk on tikok, my bsf ily gonna give u a sloppy kiss when me meet😋)

Pairing: Soft Yandere Nanami x fem! Bakery owner! Reader

Summary: Nanami just wanted to see what all the popularity about that one bakery in town was. He didn’t know he’d fall so hard for the girl who looks just as sweet as the cakes she bakes.

Tags: Yandere Nanami, Kind of coquette reader, no-filter reader, Kidnapping, Stalking, Obsessive/Toxic Nanami, Manipulation, Stockholm Syndrome, murder.

Wc: 1.4k

Nanami could not stop thinking about you the moment he dropped you off. His mind racing with thoughts of you. The way your eyes look when they shined, the way your smile was so bright. He ran his hands through his hair as he remembered the way your face looked when he wrapped the scarf around your face. He breathed heavily as he made another call.

A week had passed by since Nanami walked you home, and you haven’t seen him since. You felt sad for the most part. Baking cakes to distract yourself, you blocked out the thoughts of him. Proceeding to serve your customers before your thoughts distracted you. For the past week the constant feeling that someone was watching you made you go crazy.

By the third day you bought a pocketknife. You thought of buying pepper spray, but you opted for something more permanent. If someone did attack you a plunge of the knife to their neck would do it. Not some pathetic pepper spray that will only buy you 5 minutes at the least. You also turned on your location on your phone. In case you go missing hopefully the police will be able to track your phone.

Maybe being paranoid wasn’t healthy, but so is being too carefree. Once you served your customers, you went the kitchen and drinking a glass of water. You stood close to a window feeling the fresh air. You suddenly saw something on the corner of your eye, a blur. You leaned your head out the window seeing no one. You swore there was someone there.

Opening the backdoor, you walked outside threading carefully. Hearing a scratching noise your ear perked up. Going closer, your heartbeat pounding, you turned to the corner. You froze up, a sigh chuckle leaving your lips. There stood a small tabby cat. You walked closer petting its head smiling.

Suddenly hearing a click behind you, your head immediately looked behind. No one. You looked around anxiously. Giving the cat one last rub on its head, you went inside. The day continued serving customers and baking the sweets.

Your employees left, leaving you to lock the doors of the bakery like always. You wrapped the scarf that Nanami gave you around your neck. It really was comfortable, in your defense. You let out a sigh, why is the weather so cold? The hairs on your neck stood up as you heard another ‘click’. Looking behind you, you again saw no one. You stood in that street just looking around.

You sighed, frustrated. “Do you mind?!” You shout to the empty street, to no one. Maybe you really were going crazy. At that moment you didn’t know what came over you. Opening your phone you proceeded to text Nanami. It was stupid to think he’d text first, so you’re the one doing it. A week late. ‘Nanami! How are you?’ you texted, putting your phone back in your pocket.

As you texted him you continued to do it while walking. You thought of wearing headphones, but it was too risky. Not hearing anything around you. It’s practically screaming Netflix murder documentary. Your phone vibrated, a notification. You opened your phone looking at the notification. A reply from Nanami, ‘Good. You?’ you chuckled at the dry ass reply.

‘Hey Nanami, Can I call you?’ you asked the feeling that someone is still watching you getting stronger. You arrived at your house locking the doors and the windows. You bit your lip as you felt your phone vibrate again. You look at your phone knowing it’s Nanami, ‘Ok.’ Was his only reply to you.

Man, are you sure he’s really twenty-eight? He types like a boomer. You proceeded to press the call icon leaning the phone against your ear. “Nanami?” you said softly. “I’m here.” A deep voice replied. You laughed, “I’m mad at you.” you say. He hummed, “Is that why you called?” he replied. You chuckled, “You basically ghosted me, you know?” you say biting your lip anxiously.

“I’m sorry.” He replied quickly. “Make it up to me.” You say straightforwardly. “I’ll come by tomorrow.” Nanami replied to you his voice surprisingly soft. You hummed in acknowledgement.

Nanami sat on his office chair, phone against his ear. Your soft voice playing through the speakers of the phone. He ran his hands through his hair, he didn’t mean to ghost you. He was thinking of you every day! You haven’t left his mind for the past week. He touched the piles of papers on his desk drinking his whiskey.

Almost hundreds of pictures of you lay on his desk. Pictures of you walking to work, pictures of you baking cakes; pictures of you talking with your employees. The last phone call he made, he asked for a favor. A favor to know your background. From where you’re from to who your parents are. From your friends to your old school.

For the past weeks Nanami has been following you. Taking pictures of your daily life. You smiling, you looking sad, you looking tired. He has photographs of all of it. He sighs rubbing his hand on his forehead. You were like drugs to him. Like cigarettes, you can always say you’ll quit but can’t get enough.

‘I’m mad at you’ the moment you said that he perked up. Brows furrowed in confusion, The moment you told him why he groaned quietly. You liked him so much that you’re mad at him. He looked at a picture of you on his desk, rubbing the forehead of a cat. You looked so sweet.

‘I’ll come by tomorrow’ he replied planning to pick you up at your house. His eyes went over to the picture of you continuing to wear your scarf, the scarf that he gave you. His blood rushed somewhere else, making the bulge in his pants visible. He groaned standing up and going to the shower.

You woke up groaning. Fighting yourself to either stand up or go back to sleep, which you know you can’t do. You got up cursing yourself for having a sense of responsibility. You proceeded to get ready, drinking a cup of coffee and just planning to buy breakfast outside. You weren’t gonna get a piece of toast and just run out the door like those Disney movie characters.

Not having breakfast is practically driving with no gas. You left the door locking It, no Nanami scarf for today, it was getting washed. You look behind you surprised; it was Nanami. You rubbed your eyes tiredly thinking you’re seeing things. “Nanami?” you called out voice still groggy.

He looks at you glasses off his eyebags visible. He was wearing a blue polo and his yellow polka dot tie. You smiled at him happy to see him. “C’mon I’ll buy you breakfast.” He said waiting for you. Weird how he knew you didn’t eat breakfast yet. And how he knew what time you leave your house. Do you run and ignore the red flags or let the hot dilf looking man buy you breakfast?

You shrugged going over to him. Second option it is! “Where are we going?” you ask following him. “I know this cafe that sells good breakfasts.” He replied looking at you. You nod smiling at him. “Are you also gonna buy coffee?” you ask walking beside him. If people looked at the both of you side by side, they would see the plain height difference. ‘God is he tall, I wonder if something else is tall-‘ you shake your head aggressively.

Nanami looks at you eyebrows raised. You both arrive at the café sitting down at a booth near the window. The waiter gives you both the menu smiling at you, which didn’t go by unnoticed by Nanami. Nanami’s lips pursed into a thin line watching that interaction. You continued to look at the menu before sighing, “Nanami, pick for me.” You say giving him the menu.

He looked at your smiling face, his annoyance immediately leaving. He has to take sooner or later. Away from all of these filthy curse giving people. “You look nice today” he says giving you a small smile. “Are you saying I only look nice today?” You teased.

He chuckled to himself saying your order to the waiter, who was still looking at you. “Hey Nanami…can I tell you something?” you say looking at him. He nods listening, “I feel like I’m going crazy. There’s always this feeling that someone is watching or following me.” You say looking at him anxiously.

Nanami looked at you for a few seconds before answering, “I should walk you to work, and going back to your house.” He says sternly. You sigh in relief. “I’m sorry for saying this so early in the morning.” You say looking at him sadly.

He held your hand, running his fingers through it. “I’ll keep you safe”

[icycoldninja]

Can i ask for dmc boys + sephiroth with a cat personality gn!reader, literally in every way?

( /•-• )/ [✨i love your writings✨]

Yes, sure! Thanks so much!

Sparda boys, V, and Sephiroth x Catlike!Reader headcannons

¤ Dante ¤

-Dante is pretty much a lazy cat himself, so you guys can chill together.

-If you're the mischievous type, Dante will certainly assist you in some crime--good natured crime, of course.

-Will nap with you on the couch or bed; he'll be stretched out like a starfish and you'll be curled into a ball near his side.

-Understands you can get clingy and anxious when he's not around, so he spends nearly all his free time with you.

-Knows you love your head scratched and will definitely give you some good scritchy scratchies when you guys are relaxing together.

-If you happen to be an outgoing, cheerful person who likes to explore, you could be considered Dante's soul mate. He takes you everywhere, literally everywhere, and has millions of pictures of the two of you at various places together.

■ Vergil ■

-Vergil loves that you're so cat-like because you make a great reading companion.

-You're content to just sit in his lap and sleep, allowing him to use your body as an armrest, bookrest, or whatever.

-Finds himself sharing large glasses of warm milk with you every night before bed. He doesn't even like warm milk, he just likes doing things with you.

-You're very quiet and sleepy nearly all the time, rather like he is, making you the perfect one for him.

-He says he finds your clinginess annoying, but deep down, he appreciates the attention.

-Uses you as a stuffed animal when you are cuddling together. He will latch onto you so tightly, you lose circulation in some places, but it makes him happy, so you don't mind.

□ Nero □

-Nero loves how much of a troublemaker you are. Yeah, it's annoying, having to pick you up from various locations after you get kicked out of them, but it's endearing all the same.

-Will go absolutely anywhere with you; he loves it, it's fun.

-Likes to stay home and chill with you as well. Napping with you all curled up in his lap is pure and utter bliss.

-You hiss at things or people that upset you and Nero thinks it's the cutest thing ever.

-For some reason Nero can't understand, you dislike being sprayed with water so badly, you'll scream and hit, having a full on temper tantrum for hours. This doesn't seem to apply to showering, though.

-Despite your quirks, Nero still loves you, to such a degree, he lets you eat any birds or rodents you're skilled enough to catch.

● V ●

-V already has a cat, but that's okay because you're not a cat, you're like a cat.

-He now has another person to join his cuddle pile of familiars. Honestly, at this point, it's getting suffocating.

-This doesn't compare to when you guys are snuggling together, where you will, for whatever reason, leap onto his stomach and curl up there, crushing all his internal organs in the process.

-Enjoys relaxing with you, especially if you're lounging in his lap and he's reading his poetry.

-Will go on adventures with you if you want him to, usually bringing a very old Nikon camera (cause he doesn't have a phone) to take pictures.

-If you happen to get into trouble for whatever reason, V won't be mad, but he certainly won't be happy with you either.

-He can't comprehend why you enjoy chasing mice around, but he lets you. Shadow eventually joins in and you two have a feline competition to see who can catch the most vermin. While it's rather eccentric behavior, at least your house is pest free.

♡ Sephiroth ♡

-Though he would rather shave his head than admit it, Sephiroth finds it adorable that you have the personality of a cat since he has the looks of a cat.

-Gives you lots of scratches and massages because he knows you love them.

-Your fascination with warm milk has spread to him somehow and now that's all he ever drinks.

-Calls you his darling kitten and sometimes makes soft, barely audiable purring noises when you two are cuddling. They're rare, though, so keep an ear out.

-Is filled with an unexplainable sense of pride whenever he watches you catch rats and mice. There goes his lovely kitten, ripping up rodents again. So proud.

-One thing he does not tolerate is a troublemaker, and will not hesitate to give you a good talking to if you misbehave or do something stupid.

[pancakeke]

btw those led UV flashlights for finding cat pee really work. if you have animal pee smells anywhere I recommend getting one of them to locate the exact source of the smell. the use an enzyme spray on it to break down the organic compounds of the remaining residue. might take 2 applications.

(everything claiming to be an enzyme cleaner I've found in stores has either been garbage or potentially fake. I'd avoid that crap and buy "Nature's Miracle Advanced" somewhere online. or in a store if you can find it stocked somewhere I guess)

[dare-to-dm]

I've had multiple people express to me in the past month that "cats are basically impossible to train". And I just have to reply "skill issue", because it's not that hard, and you absolutely should do it to improve your quality of life and safety for both you and your pets.

I am by no means an expert, but here are the things I've managed to teach my cats:

not to jump on the kitchen counter

not to hover around exterior doors and try to slip through them when opened

not to scratch my furniture

not to chew on cords

not to walk on keyboards

how to snuggle me without hurting me

how to go through a door when I point at it (which is why it's funny to me that the phrase "like herding cats" is meant to describe something difficult)

Neither of my cats are food motivated either, so I can't use treats to teach them. One is motivated largely by pets, playtime and perches with good views. The other is most motivated by snuggles, getting brushed and sink drinks. He likes brushes and sink drinks so much that I actually taught him how to do a trick in order to get them (specifically to give head boops).

It's a matter of finding out what your cats like, what they don't like, and also finding replacements for their more destructive behaviors.

Spraying with a water bottle is a good deterrent for many cats because it annoys/upsets them without harming them. But that's not the case for all cats, so you need to get to know yours well. Something that both of my cats hate is being held, so I use "punishment hugs" to help teach them what I don't want them to do. Maybe your cat hates a particular noise or having their fur rubbed backwards or having air blown at them or something else.

As for replacements, there are some cat behaviors that simply need to be redirected. It's normal for them to want to scratch things, so you need to provide things that are okay for them to scratch in strategic locations. It's normal for them to want to jump on things and be up high, so you need to provide appropriate perches for them. It's normal for them to want to be as close as possible to you while you're working on your computer, so make a comfortable spot specifically for them nearby.

Like I said, I'm not an expert, but I have to say that the efforts I've made have made my cat owning experience a better one. Now if only I could train them not to throw up on the carpet, I would be perfectly satisfied (that's not a joke, if anyone has tips on how to do this I'd love to hear them).

[gatitties]

Yandere!Bonten x black widow assassin!reader?

Just something that popped into my head, just imagine them in a club. One of them being a target of assassination but your target is the one who tryin to kill them. One second they are surrounded by gurls doing whatever. The next a ceiling from the floor above caves in and you have your target in a hopeless position. You leave with the target apologizing for the mishap!

─Yandere!Bonten x assassin!reader

─Summary: you were just doing your job, you don't need any more trouble chasing you in life

─Warnings: use of weapons, unwarranted obsession, toxic behaviors, yandere stuff

I apologize because I don't know how to describe fight scenes 😩🤚

Part Two / Part Three

You adjusted the belt around your waist, checking the chambers of your ebony and ivory pistols, full ammunition, checking that you had your concealed knives in place, along with the small spray cans and gas mask, you didn't used to have to use these last ones things, but you never know when you need a little help.

You take out your cell phone checking the message from the anonymous person who had hired you this time, one last look at the information you needed to know, you just had to make sure that another assassin did not kill your client's shareholders, although it did not expressly say that you should kill her, but if it was necessary to secure the lives of these men, was something you were going to do. Not for nothing were you quite well known in the underground world where contracts were agreed upon, you did your job quietly, leaving no clues and quite quickly, you offered good service and that's how you earned your living after your parents kicked you out of the house for being a nonsense in your studies, at least, you found a way to earn a living, more or less moral depending on who looks at it.

Usually you would take a more defensive position with a long-range sniper, but today you needed to blend in with the girls in a brothel, so you had to bring out another part of your arsenal, fancy clothes and accessories to your liking to look like someone rich.

It was not difficult to infiltrate as one of the workers, since they did not have a uniform as such, you located the round table of the men you had to protect, observing from afar how they interacted with the different girls who approached like bees to honey, wishing try something from them. You stood next to a guy at another table, following his dirty talk in a careless way while your attention was focused on another girl, you saw how her dress became baggier in certain areas of her body, areas that you recognized well to hide a weapon small caliber, luckily she excused herself to go to the bathroom, immediately forgetting your companion to follow her.

You waited in the restrooms, pretending to touch up your lipstick, you looked sideways when she came out of one of the bathrooms, noticing how the dress adjusted, revealing a knife attached to her thigh, you both exchanged glances, a small silence of tension and out of nowhere the two of you were fighting knife against knife.

"I knew that some whore was going to try to take my job today, those men are mine, I'll be the one to kill them."

She cut you on the cheek and you immediately kicked her, her defensive posture wavered for a few moments but she recovered, the fight reached the second floor where there was no one, since there only had furniture or old things from decor.

"You're wrong, they are not my targets."

You cut her forearm causing her to move back, anticipating her movements you hid behind a sofa, she now pointed her pistol towards your position without being able to hit you, you threw your knife as a distraction to be able to aim with your guns, but the girl reacted quickly at the stimulus, you groaned internally as a bullet grazed your arm but you began to move quickly between the different pieces of furniture.

It was like that for a while, playing tense cat and mouse, you managed to hurt her enough to make her movements much slower, but you needed to make your dominance clear, you took cover behind a pile of stacked boxes, your eyes caught a small crack in the floor, you looked up seeing some old wooden beams, that was it.

You forced the girl out of her hiding place, continuing the fight physically, again wielding bladed weapons, you lured her to the center of the room, managing to kick her to drop her weapons, before she could draw another one, you shot into the rafters and everything fell on top of both of you, the floor collapsed, consequently falling to the first floor, right in front of the table where Bonten observed how two female figures were on top of all that rubble.

The chaos had made the vast majority of people flee, they took their hands to their guns in case something unforeseen happened, however they watched in silence the interaction.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I give up, I'll quit the job, but don't kill me! I just needed the money to get my family up, please! Please…!"

Your finger brushed the trigger of your pistol that was pointed directly at her forehead, you looked at her in silence for a few seconds before slowly lowering the gun, her eyes began to water, and immediately she pushed you to run.

"My mission wasn't to kill you anyway… oh shit!" you brushed off the rubble and dust, looking around as a couple of waitresses looked at you horrified, your breathing calmed once you saw the Bonten executives safe and sound, you didn't think very well that destroying the ceiling could have crushed them, but luckily nothing fell on their table "Ok, job done… sorry for the mess."

As if you had known them all your life, you apologized for a little nonsense, and you were going to leave immediately because you needed a rest and your money, but apparently someone did not have the same thoughts.

"Who the hell are you?"

Sanzu gripped your wrist tightly, glancing at the pistols that were now visible because your clothing had been torn in places, a small smile tugging at his lips at seeing your unfazed gaze.

"It's none of your business."

You tugged at his grip to break free of it, but he tightened it causing a wince on your face, the others slowly approached to your side, Mikey watching silently as your wince turned into one of impatience and disgust.

"It is our business, you have destroyed our brothel."

"And you intend to leave like that as if nothing had happened? It's disrespectful lady."

The Haitani brothers stepped forward, Ran pointing out all the damage from the collapse while Rin crossed his arms, inspecting your face and every detail of it.

"I'm not a lady..." they all began to look at each other, giving you glances from time to time, observing your body and arguing in silence "or am I?"

You raised your leg hitting Sanzu's abdomen, he stepped back as did you, although Kakucho blocked your next attack he couldn't catch you again because he had to dodge one of your hidden blades.

"Catch her!"

"I'm sorry! I have places to be, I hope we don't meet again, maybe it means bad news."

You sprayed them with a shit-eating smile when you saw how they rubbed their eyes trying to hold back the tears from the burning, when they wanted to realize you were already a long way from there, looking for the place where they had hidden the money for the completed order.

"Have you seen her movements, damn, I think I've-"

"Cut it Sanzu, we don't want to know about your sexual fantasies."

"Always so boring Kokonoi."

"Who was her anyway?"

Mochizuki, finished wiping his eyes once they stopped watering, Takeomi answered even though his eyes kept looking at the exit through which you fled.

"She was a contract killer, apparently a good one."

"I want her."

"Huh?"

They all looked at his leader, his gaze of emptiness had a slight glimmer of desire, as if he were a child who had found a better toy than he already had, a new toy to play with and smash. You were good at your job, weren't you? He needed to get rid of a few useless ones, and he wanted you to be the one to do that job.

You unintentionally triggered an obsession in the leader of one of the worst mafias in Tokyo, no matter how slippery you are, no matter how many times you change your identity, nothing matters because now you are something he wants and Mikey always gets what he wants. His obsession with you at first was something that happened as a 'boss whim', however, the more difficult the search for you became, the others also began to become obsessed for no reason.

A long game of cat and mouse awaits you, because now these guys need to know more about you, they need to see you, they need to have you, even though they barely shared a measly moment with you, it was enough to obsess over an image of you that they held within their minds. Do you think you can escape? don't be silly.

[sewinrat]

Yk the older sis hcs u did ??

Well i was wondering if u could write an kind of "what if" scenario where instead of luther waking up so damn late and stopping robert from getting killed what if instead she woke up and stopped ANY of the rats from getting killed and kept them as pets and started absolutely spoiling the ratmen

How would the rats and the other ivories react to this? :3

Awe this would be so cute if you ignore the fact that she is technically capable of watching them suffer in pain but she won't.

You hear a baam from outside your bedroom and sigh out, "Oh dear..." Standing up from your desk and stopping you from whatever you were doing, you went out of your bedroom. Walking down one of the hallway where the noise was coming from, you were met with Nyen cleaning out the inside of a ratman. Your nose scrunched up in displeasure and took out a spray bottle. "Nyen," you called out. Said cat flinched at the sound of your voice and turn around hesitantly.

Approaching him with the bottle in hand as he slowly backs away. Holding up the spray bottle you asked, "What did I tell you about murdering pests inside the halls?" You spray him. He hissed and his ears lowered either from distaste and mad. However he's not mad at you, he's mad at himself for not cleaning it faster. "Now shoo. I have things to deal with." He doesn't want to but he has no choice to obey so he went away grumbling.

After making sure he's gone, you then crouched down in front of the dead ratman, "Oh, you poor thing.. I'll fix you right up." You took his body in your arms, and bring him to your room where you'll be fixing all of his organs. Once you're done, you put something of yours on him to let everyone know that he now belongs under your name. You put him in a big enough cage so he'll recover safe for a while. But for now, you have somewhere to be. Sensing another chaos happening near the kitchen, off you go quickly before another one dies of Nyen. Sighing, you shook your head as you're walking at fast speed mumbling, "I know that Luther is stressed but doesn't mean that I'm not stressed from you murdering all these rats..."

Arriving in a dark room, you menacingly called out at the cat in front of you that is strangling another rat but this time with three eyes, "Nyen." Nyen immediately dropped the rat. Looks like he has learned his lesson on the last rat but that doesn't mean he's stopping. It was cat instincts. "Have you not learned?" You took out the spray bottle once again, "Bad kitty." You spray him as you uttered the words he doesn't like to hear. "Now go back to your bed," you pointed to somewhere that is not near your location or the kitchen. Nyen begrudgingly left, not wanting to push your limits. He knows how badly your punishments are so he's not wanting to experience it, ever.

After he left, you straightened your blouse and skirt, "Now, where was I...? Ah yes, the rat." Sharply turning towards the three-eyed rat who flinched, you pick him up from his collar like he was a cat... Ironic. "Stay still. This wouldn't hurt a bit," you imprinted your mark on him and now he's part of your pets. You let go of his collar, "From now on, you belong under my name, got it?" To which he nods rapidly, probably relief to not die. You walk off with nothing else to say. The ratman hesitates in following you but figured he'd try because technically he belongs to you so he's safe right?

You found Nyon on the ground and help him off the ground, dusting anything off. "Nyon, I'm gonna need you to find one of the rats and bring them to me. Use force, okay dearie?" Nyon trembles a bit but nodded obedient. You pat his head and send him off to find one of the rat.

In one of the kitchen you saw Randal and his pet accompanied with another scared ratman, this time in a sailor outfit. Calling out, "Randal dear! Would you be so kind to bring that rat to me?" Said creature perked up at the sound of your voice, you can hear him excitedly say sure and immediately dragged the - squirming - rat to you. The three-eyed rat behind you, hides his body using your figure from behind. "Good boy, Randal. I'll reward you later but now I need to do this," You put your mark on the squirming rat, to which he struggles more - not understanding what's happening. You sighed and told Randal to hold the sailor outfit rat down and to sit down while you search for the others. Randal nods eagerly and drag both Sebastian and hold the rat tightly in his hold. The three-eyed rat sweat dropped but doesn't make a comment in order to not trigger the happy boy with glasses.

It didn't take long to find another one. You found a rat with a crying eye hiding and you grab the hand that holds a weapon and took it away, "You should know better that I know every part of the house. Now be a good boy and stay still." He didn't however and instead continue to struggle. This makes you irritated but you managed to stay calm and took out a tranquilliser. You put the dart in his neck, and slowly he started to cease his squirming, making it easier to put your mark on him. Bringing him to Randal to also hold the 'crying' rat down in case he wakes up.

That leaves one more rat, you thought. It might take long because Nyon isn't physically capable in comparison to Nyen but he can manage. Looking over at Randal rambling to your rats with Sebastian looking pitifully at the three of them. You figured that you can cook for the family. Standing up and grabbing your apron, you get started. Making a perfect portion of food for your family while making a slightly larger portion for your rats.

It took a while but Nyon came back with an aggressive ratman that's wearing circular glasses who's trying to attack Nyon even if technically he's weaker. "Good boy, Nyon," petting the Nyon who enjoyed the pats that can make Nyen jealous, you grabbed the newest rat addition by the collar and immediately put your mark on it. "Oh! Before I forget," you snap your fingers and Jeff showed up with the ratman with a long nose from it's containment in his hold. Jeff put the ratman down on one of the chairs upright. "Thank you Jeff, you can go now," snapping your fingers once more and Jeff is gone.

"Now, all of you ratmen are now under my name. That means you can stop stealing our food. All of you better sit down and eat, okay?" With the threat lacing the last word, all the rats scrambled to take a sit at the table while Randal is just excitedly rambling to everyone about how good your cooking is. "Nyon, go get Nyen and interrupt my brother's sleeping. I'm sure he'll be needing my food when he sees the mess," you can see Nyon nods and leave the room as you put out the dishes to everyone present.

Soon, Nyon came back with Nyen and your brother, Luther who almost fainted at the sight of the ratmen before you explained that they now belong under your name. To which, he has no choice but to accept it. So they all joined in on dinner. Although the ratmen are hesitant on eating because they thought it might be a trick to poison them. All of them seem to also glance at each other, especially at the 'crying' ratman. However to no viewer's surprise, the one to eat it first is the rat wearing the sailor outfit who complain about being too hungry to care. Seeing as he's not dropped dead, they all then eat it slowly besides the sailor ratman. They were so cute so you gave each of them a pat on the head, some even lean into it. Slowly but surely they accept everything that's happening.

Randal whined out about wanting a head pat too since he helped in keeping them in check! Sebastian would rather not have you touch him but he can't have a say in it or anything for that matter. Luther can't say he doesn't mind you starting to like the ratmen but he can't stop you. However, he will try to cut the time if you are spending more time with them than your family. After all, family is important♡

Nyen is seething. He doesn't like that the ratmen are now part of the family. While he won't kill them, in front of you that is, he'll torture them more than with Nyon. Speaking of, Nyon is just there. He doesn't mind and he doesn't question your decisions. Plus, he might have a friend in the house with one of the ratmen.

In the end, all of you enjoyed the food you made. The company however? That's 50/50.

[t-allyitup]

random things i think the cul de sac kids like

nazz: blue raspberry flavored slurpees, scott pilgrim, black waterline makeup, those barrettes that snap closed and pinch ur fingers, dark chocolate, usher, the smell of gasoline

jimmy: funky shaped mirrors, imitation coconut, neon green, possums, wedge sandals, elephant ears (like the food), the humidifier in his room that is currently collecting mold

edd: gorillaz, purple jolly ranchers, grape flavored anything, humid summers before the rain comes when the sky is dark, white tea, linen fabric, prank calls (his fav mischief)

may: collecting bottle caps, headbands, gilmore girls, skorts, towel fabric (i think it's called terry cloth), eating apple pie filling right from the bag, cherry blossom olay body wash, getting to stay home sick from school

rolf: polyester (shhh), super hot weather, blue socks that match his hair, the olympics, brokeback mountain, being alone, clip art, shakira, getting sunburns

ed: isle of the dogs (he cried), orange faygo, those rap music videos from 1997-2003, helium balloons (for sinister [inhalation] and regular reasons), falling asleep on facetime, having people in his room, gift giving, sleeping with an eyemask, salt and vinegar popcorn

eddy: those sweaty scary naps, cookies and cream milkshakes, pillow pets, white chicks (the movie), confetti cannons, carnations, zebra print, ric flair, sleeping face down on the pillow

kevin: wrestling (but he won't tell anyone because "that's gay"), nerds (candy), sleepovers (he hates sleeping alone), orange juice, sleeping with the fan on/background noise, coming back from the beach with sand everywhere

sarah: sprite, commercials with catchy jingles, christmas themed movies, climbing trees, grimms fairy tales, the smell of the lake, fake freckles made of makeup

marie: doja cat, slept-in makeup, off brand frosted flakes with strawberry milk, gangster/mobster movies, silicone/plastic jewelry in neon colors, screaming until her throat hurts, checking people's location on find my/life360

lee: pear scented body spray, men with tattoos, oat milk, polar bears, running until her chest hurts, wintergreen toothpaste, the taste of chapstick, late nights during the summer when you can hear the cicadas

jonny: the fast and furious movies, hail, roobios tea with 5 packets of sugar, paleontology classes, sleeping through 15 alarms, honeydew melon boba tea, muslin blankets, tearing through 15 energy drinks in 25 seconds

this is just stuff that makes sense to me imo like they just like these things. can't explain any further. tried to include some weirdly specific/normally considered weird things too bc i humanize them deeply

[quitealotofsodapop]

More assorted canon-compliant LMK hcs:

In addition to Pigsy being *passionate* about food culture; he despises food waste. Like, those tiktoks with the gross, wasteful "food hacks"? Instantly raise his blood pressure. He also has banned all instant noodles from the premises. MK got grounded once for hiding cup noodles in his room.

Tang hides snacks in his changpao/clothes like he's storing them away for winter. You shake this man and candy, oranges, and packets of jerky are gonna fall out of him like a pinata. His gut reaction to seeing someone crying/upset is to unpeel an orange and hand it to them, since fruit calmed MK down when he was little.

Tang wears his changpao/long tunic cus he wore it one time for a history class and he uh... liked it too much to return it. It's like a super-long hoodie, he found it so comforting that he never turned back.

In addition, the tank top Tang wears under his tunic was made around the time Pigsy first started selling noodles. Tang and Sandy came up with a few mock-up logo designs for Pigsy's food truck and the tank top was a concept for a "uniform". Pigsy begrudingly used the design for his business until a certain muddy toddler drew the logo seen today. Tang still treasures the tank top tho.

Pretty much confirmed, but MK created the logo for Pigsy's Noodles - hence the signature on the sign and why he was so adamant on getting it back from Spider Queen. More specifically, it was one of his *first* ever drawings. Pigsy was convinced the kid was scared of him somehow, with all the silent staring he did in the first few days. Then toddler MK waddled up to Pigsy one afternoon, happily showing off his drawing of a smiling pig holding a bowl of noodles. Pigsy cried. It's also how he learned MK's name.

Despite being pretty good at cooking learned recipes, MK is terrible when he experiments with food. His first few culinary creations made the "esteemed critics" (aka Tang and Pigsy) visibly ill for days. He had a MasterChef phase as a pre-teen that took years off of Pigsy's life.

Sandy is in a group chat for people looking for/willing to pet sit. Whenever the gang needs to go on a big adventure, Sandy organises stuff with his group to take care of his foster cats while he's away/is using the boat. He in turn pet sits for them in exchange for the occassional hot meal and change.

The "secret HQ" in Sandy's boat is still there. The MKrew just forgot about it. Sandy has re-taken the space to act as an isolation room for strays. He's not sure if Mei still has trackers in her friends.

Mei's dad bought her a bunch of the flashy tech and vehicles in the HQ as a birthday gift after she told him that her and MK were going to be superheroes together. He's a big nerd at heart.

Sun Wukong had the crate of Ginseng Fruit Babies cus he tried contacting Five Village Abbey to try another fruit, only for some commotion to cause a bunch of them to dislodge early - the "unripe" fruit fell and became little fruit fairies/yao. Zhenyuan was so mad that he made SWK deal with it. After Mo "babysat" them in "Pig Pong Panic", SWK managed to send the Ginseng Fruit Babies up to the Celestial Realm, where they now live blessing/terrorizing the imperial orchard (and being adored by their adoptive seven orchard fairy mothers).

Speedy Panda is it's own brand of convenience stores with a range of microwaveable meals (think 7/11 or Meiyijia). Jin and Yin bought a bunch of locations in Metropolis as part of their plan to demoralise MK. They have since been ousted for wasting company funds on the Food Wars incident. Pigsy is still pissed off at the delivery drivers for physically assaulting his employee/son.

After being attacked by the Speedy Panda drivers the first time, Pigsy gave MK a bottle of pepper spray as a safety precaution. No matter that his boy is super-powered, he's a worried dad deep down.

[theriu]

What advice do you have for someone who wishes to (eventually, as soon as she has both the space and the money) have a cat, but who has never had a pet before?

Oh goodness, I don’t feel like an expert but I will do my best! Here’s a few tips I can think of from my own experiences:

1) Decide how okay you are with shedding. Of my two cats, the long-haired one obviously sheds a lot more noticeably, and it can be a bit aggravating to find clumps of fur all over the carpet. Hard floors can make this less of a nuisance since you can sweep it up easily, but if you have a lot of carpet, I’d suggest a short-hair cat unless you just SUPER LOVE long-hairs. Of course, my cats were both strays so those kinds of considerations didn’t really factor in. 😅

2. Determine if you want a cat that is indoor/outdoor or indoor only. Now, there is a lot of argument against letting cats run free outdoors, but I used to live out on a farm right next to a trailer park full of stray cats, so a few more (all fixed) weren’t going to make much difference to the local wildlife. Once I moved into town, though, I rehomed my one cat I knew would be miserable being indoor-only, and the other two have adapted pretty well to being indoor cats. (They do try and sneak out the door sometimes, though.) I did this mainly because risks like being hit by cars or being mistaken for a stray and adopted by some well-meaning person are much higher in town. They are still risks elsewhere, though, so keep a collar on your cat, and consider getting it microchipped. Also, know that you will probably need to get the cat some extra shots, for diseases they can only get outside. Also also, make sure you spay/neuter! (The kitten issue aside, female cats are so WEIRD when they are in heat!)

For indoor cats, my house has stairs the cats can run up and down and they seem to stay in good shape, but just make sure they have some kind of ability to exercise if they can’t run much. Stimulating things like feeder dishes that make the cat work for its food can help mentally and with keeping them from overeating. (I got this neat feeding bowl that is actually a holder of five cups of varying sizes that get filled with food, and the cats have to paw it out of the cups. It’s really helped with how fast they were eating.)

3. Cats have very different personalities, so I think it’s good to try and figure out what a cat is like before adopting it. I kept all my cats because they were really friendly compared to other cats I had known. Of course, there is the issue where my two current cats don’t always get along, but they at least don’t get into full-on brawls. But if you don’t have any other pets when you get the cat, this should be easier - you only have to get it used to you! Cats don’t always show friendlieness by cuddling; a lot of times, they just want to be in the room with you. But if you’re looking for a cuddler, see if you can find one that isn’t too afraid of people and will come right up for petting. When introducing it to your home, give it plenty of space and time to get used to its new surroundings and roommate.

4. Remembering to feed and water and change the cat litter can be hard, especially if you have ADHD. >.> My solution on the water front has been to fill a large decorative bowl in the living room and the cats just drink off that. XD For the food, Stormy will always remind me when she thinks the food is low (this is generally a false alarm the first couple times, the drama queen). Make sure you clean the litter box frequently, or the cats may find other, less agreeable locations to go. 8/ (Such as, oh I don’t know, INSIDE THE DRYER ON MY CLEAN LAUNDRY) If your cat does pee somewhere, you want to get those pet cleaner sprays because they break down the stinky enzymes that make cat pee smell so bad for so LONG.

5. As mentioned, some cats are cuddlier than others, but here’s a few general tips on cat behavior: a slow blink is how they show they trust you. A cat rolling onto its back is also showing trust that you WON’T touch its vulnerable belly (but some cats do actually learn to love tummy rubs; you kinda have to figure that one out on a cat-by-cat basis). They often like being petted on the area over the hindquarters near the base of the tail, but they also have a lot of nerves there and can get overstimulated, so if a cat goes from letting you pet it to trying to bite your hand, it is probably telling you that petting needs to stop NOW because its nerves are going CRAZY. This can also involve some trial and error; my former cat Clyde still sometimes knee-jerk reacts to being petted, but my sister says he has never done it to her, so we think she just pets less firmly than I do. Meanwhile, Shuri has NEVER reacted poorly to petting, and in fact would love nothing more than for me to spend an hour petting her so hard that she squishes into the mattress.

6. Don’t waste money on fancy cat toys unless you have some indication your cat likes that kind of toy. (This may be different if you raise them with the fancy toys from kittenhood; mine were both strays and are Very Suspicous of anything fancy I get them.) Laser pointers are an INSTANT FAVORITE and only cost a few dollars! And a dangly thing on a string can usually get them excited. Cats will often prefer a plain cardboard box over a fancy catbed, but they like pillows and piles of clothes and chairs and couches and people beds. And sometimes the round puzzle you put together on top of your hope chest, because Borders Are Safe Zones.

7. GET SCRATCHING POSTS OR THEY WILL MAKE THEIR OWN. (They will probably make their own anyway; my couch is regretably covered in claw marks. But the scratching posts at least help slow the deterioration.) Fun Fact: Cats don’t use scratching posts to “sharpen” their claws, but rather to rub off the outer layers on their claws. If you trim your cat’s claws yourself, you may notice how the claws kind of flake off when clipped. Be very careful not to cut into the quick (the blood vessel) when trimming! If your cat strongly opposes this process, the vet can do it for you for a small fee, but I generally just wrap mine up in a towel and make them suffer the indignity. It’s cheaper for me and less stressful for them than a long car trip and a visit to the strange vet’s office would be. (And they always forgive me pretty immediately after I release them. I cannot speak for cats that may hold grudges.)

I’m sure I haven’t covered even a tenth of the useful info, but I hope these are helpful and that you find just the right cat buddy in the future! 😄