#Literally been fucked up about it since November 12 2013

[imjuststiney]

"Nobody told you. Nobody explained. You’re just shoved out, kicking and screaming into this human life, without any idea why any of it feels the way it feels, or why this confusion, which feels like it’s a hair’s breadth from terror or pain. You know, just when you think you do understand, it’ll turn out you’re wrong. You didn’t understand anything at all."

Listen on Spotify

⋆ ★⋆ ★ ⋆ ★⋆ ★ ⋆ ★⋆ ★ ⋆ ★⋆ ★

King Midas In Reverse — Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young // Different Lives — Hugo // I Don't Even Know Myself — The Who // Can't Find My Way Home — Blind Faith // Awake My Soul — Mumford & Sons // Vincent — Don McLean // Seagull — Bad Company // Stranger in a Strange Land — Leon Russell // Lonely People — America // Get Where I Belong — Free // Homeward Bound — Simon & Garfunkel // I Shall Be Released — Joe Cocker // Long As I Can See The Light — Creedence Clearwater Revival // Closer to Home — Grand Funk Railroad // Brand New Day — Van Morrison // Knockin' on Heaven's Door — Warren Zevon // I Got A Name — Jim Croce

[kinardsevan]

ꜱᴇɴᴛɪᴍᴇɴᴛᴀʟ ꜱᴜɴᴅᴀʏ

tagged by my beloved @typicalopposite. honestly, I've been writing fic for SO fucking long at this point (literally starting in notebooks when I was like 12 and didn't know that's what it was) that I don't even HAVE those stories anymore? But I will give you something old. We'll go back a decade: November 2014.

I referenced this series previously, but my friend died in 2013, and I wrote a 3-part series basically as a diary of how I was dealing. This was from part 2, Never Forget You (PLL, Ezria/Spardy):

“You know what’s on my mind ever since that day?” He asks rhetorically. After a minute, he looks back up at Aria. “No one ever knows.” Aria nods. “We never wake up with plans to die,” he continues. “And I go to work every day wondering if something’s going to happen to me. I mean I stand at the damn train station and just stare at trains when they’re coming in...and all I can think about is how we literally have no clue. I hate it so much. We should get to know. We should know when someone is a grenade.” Aria frowns at him. Hardy catches her expression and exhales heavily. “I didn’t mean-- Ezra wasn’t-...Death is a grenade. Especially when it’s someone young. And it’s like people just...go off and then everything is fucked up,” Hardy says.

and now, something from this summer. honestly, y'all know i go back and forth on which story i love more by the day sooooo.... something from the most recent chapter of it's gonna be alright (piece by piece)

“I don’t want to do this anymore,” the blonde sobs, pressing his forehead against Tommy’s collarbone. “I want to go home.” “I know, baby,” he replies, pressing his mouth down into his fiancé’s scalp. “I know. Just a little bit longer.” Evan keeps shaking his head, sobs catching in his throat and breaking Tommy with each one that he lets out. “Please,” Tommy says to him, his jaw tightening with anger at how much he feels like he’s begging him to keep fighting. “Please?” Evan’s hands are still tight on his wrists as his thumbs move in circles on his cheeks. “I d-…don’t want to do this again,” Evan stammers. Tommy huffs, gripping his face just the slightest bit tighter, lifting Evan to look up at him. Tommy’s eyes are red, tears coming nearly as fast as his own. The nerves in his face twitch with a mix of anger and sorrow. “I can’t do this without you,” Tommy tells him. “You promised me forever, damn it. I’m fucking holding you to it. Because you were right. This isn’t enough. I want more. We deserve more.” Evan stares at him, his own eyes red-rimmed and bloodshot. “That’s not fair,” he rasps. Tommy shakes his head. “I don't give a fuck. You fight. I’m right here with you.” Evan’s gaze falls away, and Tommy watches him, still brushing his fingers over his face as he watches the younger man’s resolve weaken. He hiccups a sob and Tommy presses his lips into Evan’s hairline. “You don’t get to leave after this,” Evan whispers. “Fuck the wedding. This is the line.” “Fine,” Tommy murmurs back. “As long as you’re alive, I don’t care.”

aaaaand for tagging:

@girlwonder-writes @perfectlysunny02 @v88sy, and anyone else who wants to join! (my brain is not working rn and I know I'm missing so many people!!!)

[dollsorwhatever]

Rainbow Raver: An analysis

Alrighty guys, let me start this off with a quick note: Nothing about this post is in defense of Isaac Larian, the CEO of MGA Entertainment- Isaac’s tweets and accusations at Amina of StudioMucci are objectively indefensible and laced with racially charged insults. I’ve pretty much always thought of him as a shit person so he can get fucked and I have no desire to even think to defend him.  This post is entirely about Amina Mucciolo and whether or not the LOL Surprise doll Rainbow Raver (from Hairgoals wave 2) could have potentially been based off of her work- more specifically her hairstyle- and if she is, is that wrong or even legal? Full analysis below the cut (it’s long as hell)

Let’s get started. Amina Mucciolo’s first post with the hairstyle in question was on November 23rd, 2018 (this being the first time she had ever posted with this exact color scheme, as per the caption of the post):

As per the Amazon listing description for Lol Surprise Hairgoals Wave 2, the collection’s official release date was June 12th, 2019:

This collection had also leaked in early June, prior to the official release on Amazon, both via Taobao listings and by Target releasing a few cases prior to the street date on accident.  In doll and toy design, it typically takes 12 months or more to take a doll from the original concept sketch----> production and retail sale. There are less than 6 months between Amina’s first post and the official release of Hairgoals Wave 2 on Amazon, fewer if you account for the actual manufacturing times and the leaks prior to official release.  In order for MGA to have stolen Amina’s hairstyle for Rainbow Raver, they would have had to:

-Start an original design sketch -Proof and revise the sketch multiple times -Create a physical prototype of the design

-Source the materials and choose the colors of Rainbow Raver’s hair and clothing, then approve a factory sample out of potentially hundreds of samples

-Then finally, mass manufacture the doll for retail sale.  Something else to note is that Rainbow Raver is one of TEN dolls in Hairgoals Wave 2:

In order for MGA to have stolen Amina’s hairstyle for use in Hairgoals Wave 2, they would have had to stall the release of the other nine dolls, which all come in a single case, with the exception of EDM BB- the doll sitting next to Rainbow Raver- which was the Ultra Rare doll of the line and only came in every second case. Rainbow Raver, however, was sold in every single case of Hairgoals 2. (I would know, I got 4 of her out of 6 individual Hairgoals capsules I ordered on Amazon in June of 2019 lol) In order for them to stall the release, which was timed alongside several other LOL Surprise releases for Fall, they would have had to risk losing several million dollars and push back every other release for 2019- thus throwing off their entire release and production schedule, and potentially ruining their relationship with retailers by not providing the stock they ordered on time. 

It is logistically impossible that MGA would have been able to steal Amina’s hairstyle and produce a doll in 6 months, then insert her into a collection of nine other dolls. 

But wait, there’s more.  In July 2019, MGA released the next collection of LOL Surprise dolls- The Winter Disco Lils collection:

This collection was comprised, almost entirely, of lil siblings for the dolls in Hairgoals wave 2..including Rainbow Raver’s Lil Sister:

So not only would MGA have had to delay the release of Hairgoals wave 2 in order to manufacture a doll based on Amina Mucciolo, they also would have had to delay the release of Winter Disco Lils- which I’ll also note, is one collection in a 4-part Winter Disco line for 2019, which also would have been delayed had MGA stolen Amina’s likeness for a single doll. 

IN CONCLUSION: It is quite literally impossible for MGA to have stolen Amina’s likeness for this doll in the timeline needed for this to have happened, both from a production standpoint and a financial one. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now! Let’s take a look at MGA’s design portfolio to see how they could have produced this doll without Amina’s hair as a reference:

In 2004, the Bratz Tokyo A Go Go line was released:

This line features colorful fashions, references to Japanese pop culture and....multicolored micro braids, even in pigtails:

I happen to have this entire collection and every doll has multicolored micro braids rooted into their hair, but I’m going to cite Fianna since her hair is the most similar to Rainbow Raver’s in that the micro braids are placed in the exact same manner- symmetrically rooted across the middle of her parting:

And Rainbow Raver’s hair:

One thing to also note is that Fianna also comes with two braids hanging loose by her face; this is notable on the stock pictures of the doll (I pulled the tendrils back on mine).

Now let’s look at some other MGA dolls through the years with similar design features, to establish that Rainbow Raver’s aesthetic is incredibly common for MGA dolls. I’m gonna go with the most notable ones because jeez there’s a lot.  Bratz Live in Concert (2005):

Photo credit to Max on Flickr Brightly colored streaks, references to Japanese pop culture, pigtails.  Bratz Action Heroez (2013):

Bratz Twisty Style (2013):

Bratz Study Abroad Cloe (2016):

Note the colorfully-streaked pigtails and clear vinyl skirt, which is also a design featured on Rainbow Raver’s outfit:

Bratz Music Festival Vibez Jade (2016):

Yet another vinyl skirt, rainbow leggings, reference to music festival clothing (which is what Rainbow Raver is inspired by)

Also to note is that this collection was designed by some of the the same people that are currently on the LOL Surprise team.

LOL Surprise Hairgoals Wave 1 Splatters doll (November 2018):

Rainbow Surprise doll: Rainbow Dream (2019):

Rainbow Dream features a hairstyle based in teal, with rainbow streaks throughout:

Clearly, rainbow streaks, micro braids and pigtails and rainbow striped clothing have been staples in MGA’s designs for well over a decade at this point.  So now that we’ve established that it’s all but impossible for MGA to have stolen Amina’s likeness for this doll, let’s ask:

 Do companies use real-life people and artwork as inspiration in the design process?

I can tell you now, with absolute certainty, that toy companies DO use pictures of real people and artwork as inspiration and references for designs...just as almost every other company does, and that includes Studio Mucci.

Whether you think it’s wrong to use outside inspiration when designing a product or piece of artwork is up to you. I’m inclined to think you probably don’t think it’s wrong, unless you believe that everything you love, every TV show and every piece of artwork, came from a vacuum without external inspiration and references.  It totally didn’t by the way. 

Is it legal to use outside inspiration, including photos of real people, as references for product design?

Unless the product point-blank copies a trademarked logo or design, yes. 

None of the featured similarities between Amina and Rainbow Raver can be trademarked or copyrighted, and Amina cannot claim teal hair with rainbow streaks, or rainbows in general, as her Intellectual Property. 

I’m going to end this post by saying that I feel for Amina. Black creatives are so often stolen from, undervalued and ignored, and it’s frankly irresponsible to expect a normal person to know this much about toy design schedules, and it’s even more irresponsible to expect a normal person to have a catalogue of every MGA toy release logged in their mind- heck even most doll collectors don’t think about this stuff.

And once you add in that MGA had hired her to do content for them, that even further cements the belief that they’d stolen her work. 

But no matter how easy it is to believe that’s what happened, it’s factually impossible and Amina was just wrong on this one. 

I think the official LOL Surprise statement was sufficient at providing a basic design timeline for people that probably don’t understand how long it takes to make a doll, and was incredibly respectful of Amina’s work and humanity. 

Isaac Larian’s subsequent comments were disgusting, racist, and completely lacking in empathy for Amina’s feelings.

I hope Amina can move on from this, and that Isaac Larian learns to keep his big mouth shut- at least, after he issues a public and private apology to Amina personally, considers making a sizable donation to BLM to make up for the horrible things he said. 

Thanks for reading. 

[letterstotheone-whomilovemost]

12/31/2020 (14 months after the event)

Happy New Years!

It has been a rather weird year, hasn’t it? While some days from this year feel like they were only yesterday, others feel like half a decade ago. To be quite frank, the same applies to the last time I saw you. I’m sure if you saw this you would go “blah blah, you say the same thing every time you write.” While this is true, I can’t help it. I started taking new medication, as of 14 days ago. My psychiatrist, I have one of those now-- along with a therapist haha, recommended me getting put on escitalopram for my severe anxiety. It’s always been pretty bad, but over the course of the past 14 months, it has skyrocketed pretty high. Isn’t it strange how our minds develop as we get older? Survival of the fittest? Or is it just adaptation? The human body is pretty neat, let alone our brain. 

I was going through my photos the other day, and got the sudden urge to delete all of them. Of course, I’m not as crazy as just upright deleting them-- so I uploaded all of them onto a drive, and then deleted them from my phone. All of them. Decided it was time for a fresh start, why not start with the one thing I open every day, right? I decided earlier today, about a week after I deleted all of my photos, that I would go into my drive to try and find a photo from September that I downloaded from a manga I was reading. Of course I got sidetracked, I scrolled to 2014 and was going through all of my old photos with my brother and my family, and then suddenly I got to 2017 and there it was. The black and white photo of you and I at the parking deck, both of us laughing as hard as we possibly could. I smiled softly of course, as the beautiful memory came rushing over me. But then something hit me. For some reason, this isn’t how I remember you. My brain forgot what you looked like, or at least started trying to. It’s been about a year since I last saw a photo of you. While the brain is so incredibly amazing, it has a bad habit of memories starting to fade, especially when it’s a person attached to bad memories as well. It works in some cases, where people are trying to forget-- but even still it does the opposite and leaves the person going “Why can’t I forget you!?”. Strange, right? The human mind is so beautiful. I can still hear you talking to me sometimes, if I try hard enough. Lately, I haven’t been so hard on myself. I’m trying to figure myself out still, and I’ve come to the conclusion that it is okay that I still love you. I know I more than likely always will. That’s what love is, right? Being able to love and never losing that love, no matter what happens. 

All of this being said, I figured I would kind of recap everything that has happened in the wonderful year of 2020. It has been one hell of a ride.

January, the month of my brother’s 15th birthday. He was so happy and we all celebrated his birthday with him the following weekend. We also went hiking the same month, while it was cold; my mother, brother, and I had a blast. This month was mostly just working and being lazy on my off days. I had a fall out with my best friend.

February, I had a love hate relationship with this month. I tried dating someone new, I saw that you had gotten in a relationship two months prior and figured it was time for me to try and move on as well. Needless to say, dude was a douchebag and was a very violent individual. I left him within 3 weeks. My birth father, his newlywed wife, my cousin from my favorite uncle, whom I had never met until then, and I all went to Ruby Falls. It was quite a beautiful journey. Whilst I fought with my father, it turned out to be an okay experience. Later in the month, I ended up getting into a fight with my landlord, who was demanding that I pay extra, even though I was not behind on any payments. I ended up cooperating with them, so that I didn’t lose my home. I celebrated my little sister’s fifth birthday.

March, I lost my job. Millions and millions of other people did as well. Covid-19 struck the world. I took it lightly and just assumed that yet again, the media was blowing things out of proportion. My landlord wasn’t understanding of the fact I was put out of work, along with millions of others. They ended up being generous for the month after I showed them statistics. I ended up being lazy, doing nothing but watching Netflix and Disney plus for the entire month.

April, Corona Virus was boring at this point. We had all been told, “Oh! We’ll all be open for business again in the next two weeks!”. That was the first week of March, and it was now April. The government didn’t give us any kind of help until the last week, so that kind of fucked me. I spent most days laying in bed on TikTok. I also got super into streaming in the beginning of this month, and my platform was finally starting to take off.

May, unemployed for two months. I debated taking a job at a warehouse. Unfortunately, the media deterred me from doing so. There was a spike of cases in my state; it was terrifying. I didn’t leave my house much. I got my dog, for the first time in 4 years. It was beautiful, I cried. He was so happy to be back home. I started a routine of watching anime every morning at 7 am and then going for a walk. I wanted to get back into a daily routine, regardless if I had a job or not. I was falling behind on bills, and I really needed to distract myself. I started getting into digital art, rather than traditional, for the first time ever. I stopped making my music.

June, I reconnected with a lot of old online friends from 2013. It was strange and I didn’t really know how to feel about it. It was nostalgic in a way, spending late nights on discord calls. I didn’t really enjoy it all too much, I felt like it all needed to stay in the past. I started anti-depressants, again. This time it was Prozac. It made me feel extremely drowsy, and made me feel out of body most of the time. I tried to date, again. An old friend that I had from 2013, we reconnected and even though they were out of state, I decided-- “Hey, maybe this will be good for me. I don’t have to worry about them getting aggressive with me, we can take things slow, and we can pace ourselves.” Oh man, if only I knew. He flew down to my state, met the family, was extremely respectful and even stayed in a hotel the first trip. Everything seemed to be going okay.

July, my 21st birthday. Did I drink? No. Sounds crazy, right? I had about half a drink, and decided I just didn’t want any. I had stopped taking my antidepressants, the new boyfriend had said that I wasn’t acting right. It fed into my suspicion, that the meds weren’t doing a whole lot for me. They were just making me really sleepy and on edge all the time. The new boyfriend had come down again for my birthday and mother’s birthday, since we share the same birth week. Celebrated with my mom, her best friend, and I. July was pretty hectic, since I had decided I would be moving to West Virginia on August 5, 2020.

August, I moved to West Virginia. I packed up all of my belongings, uprooted everything I had ever known, hugged my family goodbye, and got into the back of a truck with a u-haul attached to it. I rode in the back of the vehicle for 14 hours, fell asleep in Kentucky, woke up in Ohio. It was daylight by the time we approached West Virginia. It was so beautiful, all of the mountains. I was moving into the house in which he lived in, which his sister was next door on one side, and his parents on the other side. We had the nice river breeze, since Ohio river was within eyesight. I lived in the Tri-state area so it was Pennsylvania on one side, Ohio on the other, and us-- five minutes to each state. It was a good first couple of days. Then we got into our first fight. I was unable to work, since I left my car behind. Luckily, I had saved up a bunch of money for me to be able to buy one. He hit me with really low blows, saying I didn’t need to work-- since women weren’t good for that kind of thing. It hurt, to be honest. I had never seen him like this before, in the eight years I had known of his existence. He had been with me in my hometown for three weeks and not once acted like this. I walked on eggshells, bought a car with my hard earned money, then got a management job at the Domino’s that was ten minutes from my town I was living in. Towards the end of the month, he got aggressive with me. He stopped working the same week I had moved in, he had no car. He had no ambition, he decided to just give up. Maybe that’s what I tried to see, maybe-- just maybe I could help him find some ambition. I wanted to save him, in a way? We got into a severe fight, I couldn’t take it anymore-- I fought back, and he ended up swinging on me.

September, I packed all of my belongings that I could into my tiny little Toyota, and left in the middle of the night. I had one thing on my mind, and that was to go to my mom’s house. My mother had known how bad he had gotten, since he acted such a way with my mother on the phone, unknowingly. I drove for 15 hours, well 13 but with rest stops to nap for a bit since I was running off of no sleep, but I finally ended up back home. I ended up staying with my mom for a bit. Later had to relocate, so I moved in with an old friend. Started streaming again.

October, Worked. Literally worked the entire month, my entire existence fell into dread. I became overly aware of how much time had passed. I felt like I had been doing nothing. I dreaded the last day of the month, every day just gave me more and more sadness.  I didn’t want the day to come. I started dreaming of you more and more and more. Halloween came, I decided to look at it differently, I started to thank you-- rather than try to hate you. I came to the conclusion that I would never hate you.

November, Thanksgiving! I started to become grateful, moved back into my mom’s house. It was a bumpy ride, but I managed to get back into the habit of doing healthy things. Started going to the gym again, drinking more water. I told my father he was dead to me, haven’t spoken to him since. I got to spend Thanksgiving with my real family, my mother and her best friend’s family. They watched me grow up since the day I was born. It was so much better than any other holiday I had ever had up to this date.

December, I started a new form of medicine. This time it was for anxiety, since that’s the main factor of my illness-- or so we think so far. I am on escitalopram, and I started it the week before Christmas. I got to see my real family again. It was nice, but this time I got to reunite with my childhood best friend for the first time in fifteen years. It was so lovely. I have become almost bedridden again, but it won’t last long-- since it’s just a side effect of my medicine. I also got to see some friends from high school, but then I realized-- they’re the exact same way they’ve been since the beginning. They wanted nothing but to talk about drama. It just isn’t my thing, I don’t like dealing with people much anymore, because of the constant drama. I’ve learned a lot about people changing, and the lack thereof.

I think this year has been a year full of lessons for me, and it has been tough. As they say, there’s no pleasure without pain, no pain no gain, right? This year has taught me a lot about myself and the people around me, and I am extremely grateful for the things I have experienced. I’ve learned so much about who I am as a person. I’ve grown a lot, while this year has kicked my ass. I have high hopes for the next year. For the first time, since 2016, I finally see a future in myself, by myself. 

To New Beginnings, Lovebug.

I love you, always.

22:27

[espbee]

i wasn’t originally going to post this since i’ve seen several other (perfectly valid) mob psycho timelines out there but you all wanted to see it so here it is!

this does not include pre-canon or the reigen spin off. the first b/c i didn’t really care lol and the second b/c i haven’t read the spin off for reasons i’m sure you already know.

almost every single one of these dates is based on canon evidence (see notes below) but a few are speculation. i go into depth under the cut so if you want to know, say, exactly what day mob buys the monkey shirt you can find out. if you want to see a specific panel hmu!

feel free to use as reference when writing fanfics or meta or whatever else you might want to use it for :D just please don’t repost 

Spring of Youth Arc

it’s not super important how many days pass in ep 1 but i think it’s all within a week. might be some overlap with ep 2 (tunnel exorcism on same day takenaka quits club? according to the manga it happens later anyway)

going by anime here: takenaka quits the club monday or tuesday, tome asks mob to join the club wednesday if i remember right (also the day he goes to the girl’s high school) and he joins the body improvement club friday)

(LOL) Cult Arc

not much to say. it’s literally an afternoon and the teru arc starts the very next day

Teruki Hanazawa Arc

happens basically immediately after the cult. like mob knows dimple for like 3 days before he’s “exorcised”

fight on a friday bc it’s on weekend news

aftermath: mob in pink hoodie probably on saturday, mezato interrogates him monday

Big Cleanup Arc

shigeo mentions in the divine tree arc that student council meetings are on mondays. however only having weekly meetings would make this arc take a really long time so i’m guessing it’s semiweekly. i’m guessing the other day is thursday because ritsu says he has a meeting on the thursday that mob confesses

same monday as end of teru arc: student council meeting where ritsu suggests a big cleanup, mitsuura gives ritsu his card

thursday: big cleanup plan submitted, mezato and onigawara look for mob (for totally different reasons), ritsu in the street w/ tokugawa

next monday: student council plans to get rid of onigawara

awakening lab might be on the same day as above but i’m not sure, mob also goes on a “date” with tome that day and sees koyama for the first time. that night is when shinji’s family gets after him for not being perfect and he decides to go apeshit

i’m guessing the recorder scandal happens the next morning (wednesday?). it doesn’t actually say if ritsu awakens that exact day but i’m just going to say it does

a little bit of time goes by (about a week?) ritsu’s becoming popular and he develops his psychic power. teru vs ritsu happens somewhere here. people are complaining about the big clean up

the day that ritsu and kamuro confront onigawara in the body improvement club room is the same day that ritsu first attacks the delinquents from the other schools (monday)

im guessing a day goes by before kamuro is beaten up (tuesday), then another day before he’s beaten up again (wednesday)

kamuro is absent from the student council meeting the next thursday

ritsu only has his powers for 9 days before announcing that he’s obtained loss

7th Division Arc

one month before touichirou arrives in japan. this makes sense because it’s not like the day he arrives he’s going to attack. touichirou probably arrives in late september or early october, prepares things for a couple weeks

mob goes to shinji’s house on sunday, ritsu and mob talk on the swings monday, shinji apologizes to onigawara tuesday. the kageyama parents know about ritsu’s power by tuesday night (what was that conversation like)

Mob’s Girlfriend Mini-Arc

2 weeks long: one for the elections and one for the dating

sidenote: psycho helmet cult has gained 700 followers by now and it’s been about a month according to mezato (and the timeline!)

mob works the monday after his brother’s kidnapped jeez reigen give the kid a break

going to say it’s wednesday when shinji resigns

mezato talks to mob about running on thursday

one week later: elections! (going to say they’re on a friday). emi asks him out that afternoon

mob and emi “date” for a week. im guessing she “breaks up” with him friday and he fixes her torn up story on monday since there’s enough time for everyone to react. i think the anime has all that happen on the same day though. either way is good

Urban Legend Arc

reigen complains about four days without customers

kuchisake-onna: it’s the weekend b/c mob’s wearing a sweater instead of his uniform and also b/c i doubt mob skipped school

reigen makes his website overnight and mob’s wearing his uniform the next day which means the trip to the urban legend town has to be on sunday

the first trip to the ghost house is on a sunday (what a busy day!), and the second trip is on monday

Keiji Mogami Arc

literally the day after the ghost house wtf (so… tuesday?)

if it feels like 6 months for mob would that mean he’s almost a third year in the dream world? or already is a third year? oh no…

uh technically there’s an aftermath the next day but really the arc is one day

Separate Ways Arc

kumagawa’s birthday is in late september btw. idk if there’s any kumagawa stans out there but now you know he’s a libra

kijibayashi’s birthday: 10/5? (also the day mob finally cant take reigen’s bs anymore)

mob doesn’t show up to work for at least four days pre-birthday (probably five days since kijibayashi’s birthday needs to be on a school day)

reigen’s birthday: 10/10 (also i’m assuming this is either the day of or the day after he defeats the video game thing)

he has to have enough time to offer classes and become a local celebrity… i’d assume he offers that course at his office that friday night (10/12). he’s interviewed that day too. a few days later he goes on tv (i’m going to say 10/15)

goes to bar 3 days after the tv show (wednesday 10/17)

thursday 10/18: reporterless-day

friday 10/19: press conference, “my master… he is a good person” *sobs*)

World Domination Arc

mob has 10 days to prepare for the marathon

marathon on friday (11/2)

teru fights shimazaki for the first time saturday morning, mob doesn’t wake up until sometime in the afternoon, and rei-gun is in the evening

mob sleeps like 18 hours… oof

the kageyama parents return home monday evening

Yokai Hunter Mini-Arc

this isn’t listed as seperate from the Divine Tree Arc according to the wiki but i’m calling it a mini-arc because the broccoli isn’t really the focus

mob mentions the future prospects assignment is due in a week

seri starts working at spirits and such a few days after the wd arc ends

going to guess there’s some overlap with the future prospects assignment and that it’s due sometime during culture festival preparations because otherwise the timeline breaks

okay everyone i know culture festivals are usually on or around november 3rd but according to all canon evidence there is absolutely no way that can happen on time. there’s literally no time. it has to take place at least 2 weeks after the wd arc

going to say the culture festival is nov. 18 because that’s all that makes sense (the previous weekend is too soon, and the next weekend is after the divine tree arc

Divine Tree Arc

Friday: Tsubomi sneezes — why dont u stop doing bad things

Saturday: buys The Shirt

Sunday: Psycho Helmet

Monday: Teru, Ritsu, and Reigen all brainwashed, Mob vs Dimple part 2

Telepathy Mini-Arc

finally a nice long break :D

find out about takenaka about one month after Divine Tree Arc

aliens on New Year’s Eve/Day

inukawa’s abducted by aliens for 10 days

???% Arc

inukawa has to be back by the time school starts

Mob finds out Tsubomi’s leaving the day he gets back from winter break (monday) :(

i think he calls her two days later?

the day after that mob is hit by a fucking car (also student council day so… thursday)

Epilogue + Omakes

we all know the epilogue is on 10/10/2013

the summer omake has to be after the ???% arc but i’m not sure what day. probably july

idk what else to say other than i can’t believe i spent so much time on this

[motifsinthecity]

Favorite Albums: 2018

30 | Arctic Monkeys | Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino (Domino) 29 | Cardi B | Invasion of Privacy (Atlantic/KSR) 28 | Joyce Manor | Million Dollars To Kill Me (Epitaph) 27 | Candy | Good to Feel (Triple-B) 26 | Jesus Piece | Only Self (Southern Lord) 25 | Low | Double Negative (Sub Pop) 24 | Vein | errorzone (Closed Casket Activities) 23 | Sleep | The Sciences (Third Man) 22 | Logic | Bobby Tarantino II (Def Jam/Visionary Music Group) 21 | Death Cab For Cutie | Thank You For Today (Atlantic) 20 | Fucked Up | Dose Your Dreams (Merge) 19 | The 1975 | A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships (Dirty Hit/Polydor) 18 | Curren$y, Freddie Gibbs, The Alchemist | Fetti (Jet Life/ESGN/ALC/Empire) 17 | Black Thought, 9th Wonder, Salaam Remi | Streams of Thought (Vol. 1 & Vol. 2) (Human Re Sources) 16 | Alkaline Trio | Is This Thing Cursed? (Epitaph) 15 | Blood Orange | Negro Swan (Domino) 14 | Travis Scott | ASTROWORLD (Cactus Jack/Epic/Grand Hustle) 13 | Noname | Room 25 (N/A)  12 | Zeal & Ardor | Stranger Fruit (MKVA) 11 | Freddie Gibbs | Freddie (ESGN/Empire) 10 | The Armed | ONLY LOVE (No Rest Until Ruin) 9 | Pusha T | DAYTONA (G.O.O.D. Music/Def Jam) 8 | Vince Staples | FM! (Def Jam) 7 | Beach House | 7 (Sub Pop) 6 | mewithoutYou | [Untitled] / [Untitled] EP (Run For Cover) 5 | Foxing | Nearer My God (Triple Crown) 4 | boygenius | boygenius EP (Matador) 3 | Turnstile | Time & Space (Roadrunner Records) 2 | Nine Inch Nails | Bad Witch (The Null Corporation/Capitol) 1 | Deafheaven | Ordinary Corrupt Human Love (Anti-)

I've been thinking a lot recently about the meaning distance can afford us.

In many ways, distance creates the attachments that ground us in this lifetime. Distance defines our relationships to a multitude of persons, places, and things--perhaps even with ourselves, the persons we were, and the persons we might be. While we often measure our lives in relation to the material possessions and the status others hold, it is often the distance we must travel, both figuratively and literally, that dictate our ability to connect with others during our lives.

I found this theme of distance and meaning continually emerge as I listened to Deafheaven's latest offering in 2018, aptly titled, Ordinary Corrupt Human Love. At 7 tracks, the San Francisco five-piece continue to evolve their black-metal-by-way-of-shoegaze sound, which serves not only as an artifact to their place among their musical peers, but as a testament to how far they've traveled since their inception. Deafheaven's journey is indebted, in part, to the buzz Ordinary… has garnered regarding its aesthetic composition. That's because few bands in recent memory have been tied so closely to the duality of their sound, from the oppressive nature of metal to the sway and drift of shoegaze. Even Pitchfork joked it was the best Smashing Pumpkins album this year. However, such a narrow read brings a swath of opinions. Many a think piece have covered whether Deafheaven's brand of extreme music is "metal" enough, "pretty" enough, or simply authentic enough. Indeed, the chasm is wide in the hyper critical expanse of 2018's internet, but Deafheaven have never been interested in formula--they relish residence in the in-between--and the road to Ordinary… is littered with the pitfalls of expectations, ones they've judiciously set aside.

This is because the seeds for Ordinary's… lush mix of driving metallurgy and art rock can be found all throughout the bands prior releases; yet it's assembled here with a new sense of impressionistic romanticism. Four of the songs off Ordinary… orient listeners with the group's more traditional arrangements, where chiming melodies give way to frenzied guitar, thunderous drums, and rapturous solos. Ordinary… offers two strong contributions to these types of mainstay compositions, from the stutter-stop ascension and gossamer suspension of "Honeycomb" to the slashing and spiraling glory of "Glint." On both these songs, Deafheaven provide vibrant and electrifying arrangements that capture the extremity of the human condition. Guitarist Kerry McCoy offers invigorating and euphoric guitar melodies that seem to embody everything from pleasure, to pain, to sorrow, to joy, all married by George Clarke's impassioned and throaty howl. Again, the duality of Deafheaven's sound is only interesting as a surface observation. The real richness comes from the confluence of their influences, which render these songs with force and vitality.

While "Honeycomb" and "Glint" provide us with the familiar Deafheaven blueprint, the band's growth is certainly on display elsewhere on Ordinary… "Near" effectively breaks up the record with its shimmering glow and reverb-heavy drift as Clarke sings "Thought I saw you there/Wishing you were near…" There's a warmness to "Near" that's tender and firm, an evocative oasis in an otherwise dizzying record. Another strong standout is "Night People," a somber, gothic chamber piece, where Clarke duets with the resident queen of doom folk, Chelsea Wolfe.  Both Clarke and Wolfe's mournful harmonies come together over dusky piano and cavernous drums, contemplating eventual decay with mournful couplets, such as "And the black sand of your body slipped through…" and "I found myself at your side…" in what might be someone's penultimate moment in this lifetime. In some ways, the tenderness of "Near" and "Night People" represent complimentary meditations on dealing with distance. "Near" focusing on the longing we attach to the future, while "Night People" explores the agony of loss as our loved ones leave this life without us.

Indeed, the idea of distance is inescapable on Ordinary… If Deafheaven's breakout work Sunbather (2013) was about the disintegration of the self, and New Bermuda (2015) centered around the savagery and oppression of locality, then Ordinary… revels in the elegance of decay, a function of time and the inescapable truths we face as we are transformed by life's kiln. The band touches on this cycle of birth and death--how the world can throw our trajectory into far out places--on the album's closing track "Worthless Animal." Here, Clarke's rasp juxtaposes the innocence of a new born fawn:

When a fawn Stumbles into the road Honeydew high And deep in afterglow Mind swarming Mind small Honeydew high Transforming the soul

With the slaughter of a feral dog:

Then search to pin the legs Of the stalking dog That lends its teeth To sticky, sad bedlam War cries quake through lurching light

I bury a blade between its ribs Bear hug the soft canine frame Then smear ash Then smear the ash on its brow

Set against a "November Rain" by way of kraut rock guitar phrasing, "Worthless Animal" glistens like an unending ocean, holding close the beauty and tragedy that often shade life's mysteries. Deafheaven carefully hold the intimacy of innocence alongside the horror of our choices to show us the points between them aren't so far away--that a lifetime is simply a blink in an instant, a star in the sky, the distance between us. Ultimately, maybe distance serves as a function not just our relationships to persons, places and things, but to time and attachment as well. By this, I mean that we are all spending the time needed to find away to let go of that which no longer suits us, to ultimately transform our relationships to things, and become who we were always meant to be.

In the steps of many artists before them, Deafheaven settle on the notion that the only way to bridge the distance between ourselves, who we are, and other people, is through the imperfect ways we love one another. The band displays this on the immaculate "You Without End," which features airy guitar slides, angelic piano, and half-step drums, set against a whisper silk spoken word poem delivered by Nadia Kury. Indeed, "You Without End" is as vivid as the daydream it describes:

He pained, shifting his attention toward the mirror across the road Back into his daydream The spliff burned his fingers the second he drank, and he tossed it toward the gutter The smoke burned into his eyes, blinding him As he blinked through the tears, the pain began to recede Back down the promenade and homeward bound, as he approached the intersection of Brooklyn and Lakeshore, a flock of geese burst from the darkness and flew, shrieking into what was left of the evening.

Kury's evocative words give way to McCoy's dizzying and soaring guitar work, which erupts in dissonant ecstasy as Clarke exclaims:

Let it go as it grows on forever And let it go Let it go as it grows Breathe it in Let it go as it grows on forever And we breathe it in And we breathe it in And then the world will grow And then the world will grow And then the world will know Of all true love, true

"You Without End" is a reminder that time doesn't have to dull our spirit where love exists as a possibility for more. The way we bridge the gap between ourselves, the way we traverse the distances we face in this lifetime, they lend us purpose and meaning for ourselves and those we meet for as long as we know them. A connection like love is rooted firmly in the transformations we make in life, with and for others, and the extraordinary experiences we often face through ordinary means. What Deafheaven have done is provide an incredible statement on the power of love, that against all odds and in the face of all kinds of distances between us, we can endure with each other, without end. All we need is our ordinary, corrupt, human love.

[thefeedpost]

50+ True Crime Stories That Will Shock You To Your Core

12 True Creepy Crimes That Will Make You Lock Your Doors Tonight 1. Angela Hammond

“She was talking on the payphone with her fiance and saying how there is this suspicious truck that keeps driving around the block. Then, that truck parks near her where the payphone is, he gets out and starts looking around with his flashlight as if he lost something, then he confronts Angela and abducts her. Her fiance heard all of this on the other line and immediately got in his car to drive where Angela was. When doing so, he drove past the guy in the truck and Angela was apparently screaming his name for help, so he turns around and tries following the truck and his transmission fucks up and the guy got away. Angela has never been heard from again. And, she was pregnant.”

2. Annie Borjesson annierockstar.com

“I find the case of Annie Borjesson really weird. She was a Swedish student studying in Edinburgh. She then went to Prestwick airport (literally the other side of the country, then down a bit), caught on CCTV at the airport for ten seconds, then left. She tried to take out money multiple times from different ATMs, but didn’t have the funds so was denied. She was seen wandering about Prestwick, and then was found dead on the beach. Her long hair had been cut off, and the post mortem (as far as I have read) concluded death by drowning.

She may have been victim to foul play, or it was suicide. I also found that her parents’ e-mails were allegedly hacked later on. It may be a case of self-inflicted violence/mental health issues, but I find Annie’s case just so bizarre and sad.”

3. The Hinterkaifeck Murders Andreas Biegleder

“The Hinterkaifeck murders. A family saw footprints in the snow leading to their farm, but no footprints out of the farm. A few days later, they were killed in their own home. There was evidence that the perpetrators were staying in their house or the farm before the killings.

It’s creepy because your house is supposed to be the safest place. It’s hard to feel secure when you think about the possibility that your killer may be living with you without you noticing.”

4. Dorothy Scott

“I was just reading about Dorothy Scott recently. Her story is the saddest, and the creepiest was the bones of the dead dog the killer left on top of her remains to throw scavenger dogs off of his trail. Also, how her watch was stopped to the exact moment she died. I just can’t believe that he called her family so often and they could never trace the calls…I know it was the times though. But the whole thing is so horrifying.”

5. Brandon Swanson

“For those who are not familiar with his story, Brandon was a 19 year old who lived in Marshall, MN. He was returning home from a party recently celebrating his graduation from a community college up in a town north of Marshall called Canby and was on his way home.

Along the way home he crashed in a ditch. For some reason he was taking gravel roads even though the highway between the two towns was a straight shot North to South. I am guessing he took this route as a joy ride type of thing since he loved his car and driving in general or maybe he had a little too much to drink at the party and didn’t want to deal with any state troopers on patrol. He called his dad for a ride and eventually got tired of waiting inside his crashed car and started to walk towards Marshall. He claimed to his dad to see ‘lights’ of something nearby then abruptly exclaimed “Oh shit!” to his dad while still on the phone and his call ended. To this day no one knows what happened to him. No body found, none of his belongings found, nothing. There’s more to the story but that’s my summary. If you want to learn more just dig around.

My guess on what happened to Brandon is either he slipped and fell in a river due to not being able to see in the darkness, got shot and buried somewhere by a belligerent farmer who hated people trespassing on his property and would rather shoot then ask questions or was abducted by aliens (which would explain the lights). This case just creeps me out because I too live in Southern MN and I’m semi familiar with the Marshall area. It’s mostly flat farmlands around here so I really do not understand how someone can just disappear into thin air in the middle of nowhere without a body or any remains being found.”

6. The Bennington Triangle Disappearances

“Beginning in November 1945 through October 1950, five people — ages 8- to 74-years-old — went missing in the area. One was an experienced hunting guide and another was a 53-year-old woman described as an experienced camper and hiker who knew the area like the back of her hand. I’ve hiked Vermont’s Long Trail myself and there are places where you get a feeling of being watched by someone or some “thing.” In 2008, an instructor at Bennington College and experienced hiker got lost on the mountain, later recounted his strange experiences and swore he would never again hike the trail alone.”

7. The Setagaya Family

“The killer stayed in the house for hours, eating their [the Setagaya family’s] food, logging into the family computer and sleeping on their couch. It’s so creepy because rarely does a killer stick around for hours after they commit their crime making themselves at home.”

8. Brandon Lawson

“Ran out of gas in Middle of Nowhere, TX in 2013. Called the cops, much of it is inaudible but he implies he’s being chased into the woods, and says he needs the cops. When police arrived, they find his truck but nothing else. Not a trace of him since.”

9. Katarzyna Zowada (The “Skin case”)

“A young Polish student disappears in Krakow city.

Few months later a ship on the Vistula river stops because ‘something’ stuck into a propeller. What they have found surprised everyone.

They have gotten out a… skin of missing Katarzyna Zowada. To be more precise: A suit made of human skin. Someone had cut all the limbs and head then created a ‘body suit’ from remaining part which was probably worn by the murderer for some time.

Despite media attention and increased police interest every few years a perpetrator never had been found.”

10. Cassie Jo Stoddart

“She [Cassie Jo Stoddart] was house-sitting for her aunt. She invited her boyfriend over and his two friends came over as well. His friends left and said they were going to the movies. They didn’t.

At some point before “leaving”, they unlocked a basement door, unbeknownst to her. They shut the power off to scare her. They sat there (hiding) until her boyfriend left and she was alone and proceeded to put masks on, come in the house and stab her. If that isn’t bad enough, a video was found where they planned to murder her ahead of time. There was footage of them right after they killed her as well.”

11. Kris Kremers and Lisanne Froon Photo from one of the recovered cameras

“Another creepy mystery that resonates with me is the disappearance of Kris Kremers and Lisanne Froon. Long story short, two Dutch girls visiting Panama decide to go on a hike a day before they were scheduled to meet a guide for a tour and they go missing the same night. 10 weeks later their remains and possessions are found down stream from where the girls were hiking.

What creeps me out the most about this disappearance is the pictures that were found on Lisanne’s camera that turned up in the remains. The pictures go from the usual nice pictures of landscapes and of the girls posing with landmarks to cryptic pictures of the darkness as what many assume were attempts to use the flash of the camera to act as a signal for rescuers. Also there was a photo of back of Kris’s head with what possibly looks like blood by her temple. Just the fact that no one knows what happened to these two during their time in the jungle is what is most unsettling about this mystery.”

12. Daniel LaPlante’s Murders

“Daniel LaPlante is a triple murderer. He killed a nursery school teacher & her 2 kids in 1987. After a massive man-hunt they still could not find him. The ultra creepy thing is what happened. He was eventually discovered-after being on the run-in the closet of a girl he’d dated. She opened her door one night to see him standing there, in her mother’s clothes, face smeared with makeup, holding a machete. He tied her & her family up , but the youngest narrowly escaped. As if this isn’t bad enough, they AGAIN could not find him, till 2 weeks later. The family, who’d moved out, came back home and SAW LAPLANTE IN THE WINDOW. The police were called and later found out why he’d been so hard to find. Daniel had been living in the walls of his former girlfriend’s house the entire time.”

7 Of The Most Brutal Murders Ever Committed In The History Of The Human Race (NSFL) 1. The Toolbox Killer

The transcript of what happened to Shirley Ledford at the hands of Toolbox Killers Lawrence Bittaker and Roy Norris is the most disturbing thing you will ever come across.

An excerpt from the transcript:

“At this point, after Bittaker had forced Shirley to fellate him, repeated sounds of an administered beating, interspersed with loud screams can be heard as Bittaker savagely beat Shirley about the breasts and, to a lesser degree, head. Bittaker then extracted his pliers from the tool box. Shirley then emits several high-pitched, prolonged screams and cries of agony as Bittaker alternately squeezes and twists her labia, clitoris, nipples and breasts with the pliers. Bittaker then returns the pliers to the tool box. Banging sounds can also be heard throughout, which are believed to have been made as Shirley came into contact with the walls and inner contents of the van as she writhed and flailed.”

Ledford: My God! Please stop it! (Screams) Bittaker: Is the recorder going? Norris: Yeah! Bittaker: Scream baby! Scream some, baby.

2. Kelly Anne Bates

Bates was horrifically tortured for days before her tormentor finally killed her. Below are a few examples of what she went through.

According to Wikipedia, Kelly Anne Bates (18 May 1978 – 16 April 1996) was a British teenager murdered on 16 April 1996 at age 17 in Manchester after being tortured for four long weeks. Kelly’s eyes were gouged from their sockets up to three weeks before she actually died from drowning in a bathtub. These horrific crimes were committed by her partner, James Patterson Smith.

Below is a list from Wikipedia of the specific injuries Kelly Anne Bates endured through torture:

Scalding to her buttocks and left leg Burns on her thigh caused by the application of a hot iron A fractured arm Multiple stab wounds caused by knives, forks and scissors Stab wounds inside her mouth Crush injuries to both hands Mutilation of her ears, nose, eyebrows, mouth, lips and genitalia Wounds caused by a spade and pruning shears Both eyes gouged out Later stab wounds to the empty eye sockets Partial scalping

3. Junko Furuta

Furuta was a 17-year-old Japanese girl whose case became known as the “concrete-encased high school girl murder case.” Furuta was kidnapped by four teenage boys and, aside from the brutality of the assaults against her, the most disturbing thing is that she was held at one of the kidnapper’s houses and his parents were present the entire time, knew what was going on, and did nothing to stop it.

Also extremely disturbing is that Furuta turned 17 while she was in captivity and enduring these horrors. There’s something tremendously upsetting about that.

According to Wikipedia:

To avoid concern over her abduction, the perpetrators forced Furuta to call her parents and tell them that she would be staying at a friend’s house for a while. Over the course of her confinement, Furuta was repeatedly raped, beaten, and tortured by her four captors until they killed her. The parents of Kamisaku were present in the home for at least a part of the time that Furuta was held captive, and though she pleaded with them for help, they did not intervene, later claiming that they feared their son too much to do so.

The killers hid her corpse in a 208-litre oil drum filled with concrete. They disposed of the drum in a tract of reclaimed land in Kōtō, Tokyo.

4. The Hi-Fi Murders

In 1974, two men robbing a Hi-Fi store in Odgen, Utah held captive and tormented five individuals. Only two of the captives would survive. Among the sadism levied on the captives were the following, according to Wikipedia:

Violence included a pen being kicked into an ear and the brutal rape of a teenage girl who was later shot in the head. Corrosive drain cleaner was also forcefully given to the hostages causing horrific burns to their mouths and throats.

Not only were they forced to drink drain cleaner but their mouths were then taped shut so they couldn’t spit it out or vomit it up.

One of the victims, Orren Walker, was shot several times, strangled and had a pen kicked into his ear but still survived.

5. The McStay Family

In 2010, in Fallbrook, California, the McStay family (including Joseph McStay, his wife Summer, and their two children), was brutally murdered. The four were then moved by the killer and buried in a shallow grave in the desert but their remains weren’t found until 2013. For three years they’d simply believed to have disappeared.

Forensic evidence showed that all had been beaten to death with a sledgehammer which was found near the family’s remains. Joseph McStay suffered four blows to the head and the family’s youngest child, only four years old, suffered seven. Investigators also believe the family was tortured prior to being killed.

Charles Merritt, McStay’s former business partner has been charged with the family’s murder.

6. James Bulger via Wikipedia

In 1993, in England, two-year-old James Bulger was abducted by two ten-year-olds at the mall while his mother was distracted.

After taking him from the mall, the two boys took Bulger on a two and a half mile walk. At one point they picked Bulger up and dropped him on his head which caused him to have a bump on his head and, according to bystanders, cry.

The two then took him up an embankment and onto a set of railroad tracks where they began torturing him.

More details of the murder according to Wikipedia:

At the trial it was established that at this location, one of the boys threw blue Humbrol modelling paint, which they had shoplifted earlier, into Bulger’s left eye. They kicked and stomped on him, and threw bricks and stones at him. Batteries were placed in Bulger’s mouth. Police believed some batteries may have been inserted into his anus, although none were found there. Finally, a 22-pound (10.0 kg) iron bar, described in court as a railway fishplate, was dropped on him. Bulger suffered ten skull fractures as a result of the iron bar striking his head. Dr. Alan Williams, the case’s pathologist, stated that Bulger suffered so many injuries—42 in total—that none could be isolated as the fatal blow.

Police suspected that there was a sexual element to the crime, since Bulger’s shoes, socks, trousers and underpants had been removed. The pathologist’s report read out in court stated that Bulger’s foreskin had been forcibly retracted.

Before they left him, the boys laid Bulger across the railway tracks and weighted his head down with rubble, in the hope that a train would hit him and make his death appear to be an accident.

After Bulger’s killers left the scene, his body was cut in half by a train. Bulger’s severed body was discovered two days later on 14 February.

7. Amora Bain Carson

Amora Bain Carson, the 13-month-old baby who was tortured to death by her mother’s boyfriend during an “exorcism.” I’ll tell the story by copying some things from each of their appeals. Jesseca Carson was the baby’s mother, and the boyfriend was Blaine Milam. Jessica Carson was sentenced to life, while Blaien Milam was sentenced to death.

WARNING: Graphic Content

“Carson concluded that the child was like ‘Chucky’ or ‘Pet Sematary’ (horror movies) when the “boy dies and comes back to life all evil and stuff” because the child was “biting Blaine to where it was drawing blood on his hands.” After Milam returned to the child, he took a picture of her and gave it to Carson. One of the child’s eyes was stretched and ‘like warped down.’ Carson heard horrible cries from the child as Milam was attempting the exorcism.”

“During the hours involved, Milam had taken the child to a back bedroom in their small dwelling and wedged the door shut. The evidence would allow a jury to conclude that Carson was necessarily aware of what was happening to the child, because she admitted hearing the screams that accompanied such torture and because she saw the child’s deformed head after some time had passed and heard the sounds caused by the blows.”

“They found blood-spatter stains, consistent with blunt force trauma, near the south bedroom. Among the items collected from the south bedroom were: blood-stained bedding and baby clothes; blood-stained baby diapers and wipes; a tube of Astroglide lubricant; and a pair of jeans with blood stains on the lap. DNA testing later showed that Amora’s blood was on these items.”

“As a result of the ‘exorcism’ conducted by Milam, Amora suffered innumerable injuries that led to her death. Forensic evidence showed the child was beaten so severely that the multitude of fractures to her skull connected with each other like a jigsaw puzzle, and her brain was torn and severely damaged. An arm and leg had spiral fractures indicating they were twisted in two, her torso was either struck by a blunt object or squeezed until the ribs and sternum broke, and her body (neck, chest, abdomen, buttocks, both elbows, both forearms, both feet, right arm, left shoulder, left upper arm, left hand, right thigh, and left knee) was riddled with no less than twenty-four distinct bite marks. Her head and face were so scraped and bruised that all the discrete injuries combined into “one giant injury.” Her liver was torn, and her vaginal and anal orifices were so torn that the vagina and rectum were actually connected, an injury the forensic examiner had never seen before. The underside of her tongue was lacerated from blunt force trauma. She was also strangled. Because of all the injuries she sustained, it was not possible to determine which one was the final injury, and no specific, singular cause of death was determinable. Forensic testimony reflected that several of the injuries standing alone would have each been fatal. Police were called several hours later; when they arrived, the child was entirely stiff and in rigor.”

“On December 13th, appellant’s sister, Teresa, went to see appellant in jail. That night, she told her aunt that she ‘was needing to find a way to get back out to the trailer in Tatum’ because “Blaine had told her that she needed to go out there to the trailer to get some evidence out from underneath of it.” The aunt called Sgt. Rogers and told her that “she needed to get out to the trailer immediately, that Teresa was wanting to go out there to get some evidence out from underneath the trailer.”

“Sgt. Rogers immediately obtained a search warrant, crawled under the trailer, and discovered a pipe wrench inside a clear plastic bag. The pipe wrench had been shoved down ‘a hole in the floor of the master bathroom.’ Forensic analysis revealed components of Astroglide on the pipe wrench, the diaper Amora had been wearing, and the diaper and wipes collected from the south bedroom.”

Werner Herzog did an episode of On Death Row about Blaine Milam and the full episode is on YouTube. It has security footage from the pawn shop where they were supposedly pawning a chainsaw to get money for an exorcism (after Amora was already dead) and a gas station, the 911 call, crime scenes photos (not of Amora’s body, of course, just the trailer) and interviews with pretty much everyone involved (except Jesseca Carson). It doesn’t make it any easier… but this case raises a lot of questions and searching online for these kinds of cases can take you horrible places that use Amora for shock value or misrepresent autopsy photos of other unfortunate victims as her (no post-mortem photos of Amora have been released and her autopsy was sealed). Especially since Amora’s case hasn’t been in the MSM very much due to the graphic nature of her death. With Herzog you’re getting quality information on the case coming straight from those involved.

Bonus: 36 Locals Share The Most Horrific True Crimes That Happened In Their Home Towns

1. “Stacey Castor poisoned her husband and then poisoned her daughter on the daughter’s first day of college. She wrote a fake suicide note for her daughter saying that she had killed her father and was committing suicide because of the guilt. The daughter almost died but recovered from the poison and testified against her mother. They also found out she had poisoned her first husband.”

2. “When I was in 3rd grade I saw a kid get into a police car while I was in chess club. Turns out his father murdered his younger twin sisters by stabbing them to death. Apparently he told them to play hide and seek and murdered them when he found them. When he finally returned to school he got bullied by the shitbag kids at our school, making fun of his dead sisters. He was placed in the custody of his aunt who later committed suicide and he was left in the care of the state after that. That boy’s life was horrible.”

3. “Around 3 years ago, my friend’s father went berserk and killed my friend, his younger brother and his mother, and then proceeded to hang himself. I remember talking to him the week before about a project we had in lit class. His extended family took the project because it was the last thing he worked on before the incident. I had grief counselors talk to me for every class I had with him (Which was almost all of them). Our school still has a Tree and a memorial dedicated to him.”

4.“Probably David Meirhofer’s murders. Among other things he snatched a seven year old girl out of her tent while her family was camping, molested her, then strangled her to death. They caught him because he called her mother to taunt her a year later.”

5. “Neighbors that lived across the road from me were having domestic issues. The wife brings over a box of stuff for us to stash because she is afraid he will steal/burn it. We stash it for her no problem. A week later she is missing, the following week they found her dead, stuffed in a box in his storage unit. He got life. We gave the box of stuff to her daughter.”

6. “Guy beat his pregnant girlfriend to death in front of her kids, then beat her 8 and 6 year old to death. Couldn’t bring himself to beat the 2 year old to death so he threw him in the dryer and turned it on.”

7. “When I was a kid one of my neighbors and his sister murdered their mom by bashing her head in with a real heavy frying pan and then strangled her with the phone cord. (Back when phones had cords) because the mother told the son that he couldn’t take his underage sister out with him to a party. So they killed her and left her body in the closet and then went to the party like nothing happened.”

8. “I live in a (relatively) rural county in England, so we normally don’t have many crimes that you could consider too bad.

About three years ago a 17 year girl I’d met once or twice went missing, she was popular and the community really pulled together in trying to find her. She was also the daughter of a detective who works in our town.

Turns out she was murdered by another lad I’d also met a few times. He was a bit older (22 I think) He seemed okay when I met him, a little cocky but nothing too unusual. He was a photographer who once staged a picture with one of my friends where she was hanging by the neck with a bag on her head. Pretty strange stuff, but I assumed it was all in the name of art.

He’d been rejected by this girl so he lured her to his house on the pretense of taking modelling photos. He strangled her to death when she got there and dumped her body miles away.

Apparently the cops found essays he’d been writing obsessively about her. He’d also taken pictures labelled “before-during-after” of her murder, so it was obviously pre-meditated.

He was given a whole-life sentence (which are very rare in the UK) so chances are he’ll never get to see the light of day again.”

9. “My neighbor that became our family’s friend had a nice step dad. He used to give me rides sometimes. We lived in a bad part of Miami (think inner city, not South Beach) and my nickname there was “smart girl” because I’m the only one in “the hood” that went to college.

Anyway, I moved away and apparently one day my friend’s mom told his step dad she wanted to leave him. He went insane. He grabbed his gun and told her she’s going to die before she leaves or something like that. My friend’s little sister was there too and was crying the whole time (she was like 16). My friend stepped between his step dad and his mom. His step dad told him if he didn’t move he’d kill him too.

He didn’t move. He killed my friend, then the mom. He turned to the little girl and said he couldn’t kill her and that he was so sorry. Then he killed himself.”

10. “The murder of Maddie Clifton. An 8 year old girl went missing in Jacksonville, FL and it became a huge national story in 1998. There was a massive hunt to find her by law enforcement and local residents. Everyone was looking. It’s all anyone talked about. A week into the search, a mother went into her son’s room while he was at school to clean it after the stench coming from it became overwhelming. His waterbed seemed to be leaking. When she looked more closely, she discovered Maddie’s body stuffed inside the pedestal of the bed.

The woman’s son was only 14 years old. He said him and Maddie were playing baseball, and when he hit the ball, it hit Maddie in the eye causing her to bleed. He says he panicked when she wouldn’t stop screaming, and said his father was abusive and was afraid what would happen to him if he she told on him. So, he dragged Maddie inside, stabbed her 11 times and beat her to death with the baseball bat.

Horrible, tragic story.”

11. “A woman murdered an expectant mother and cut the baby out, drove off, then called 911 in an attempt to pass the baby off as her own. I was just off work around that time that night and definitely drove by that exact spot before they found the body. It’s right off the highway. Creepy shit…”

12. “Our neighbor on our street was having an affair and decided it was a good idea to kill her husband then burn the house down so she could be with her pilot boyfriend.

Stupid thing was her boyfriend used to come into one local bar, said he was never that serious about her and that she was clingy, even went so far as to try and get him to be her alibi. All this happened while we were on vacation, weirdest trip home ever.”

13. “If you guys aren’t aware what’s going on in the Philippines. Most drug users/dealers are now being killed by unknown assailants. Just last week we have 2 people dumped near where I live with their heads fully wrapped with tape and hands as well with a cardboard sign saying “I’m a drug dealer. Don’t be like me” (translated from our native language).”

14. “Grew up in a small town north of the bay area, while watching a documentary about Jim Jones my teacher started crying. Found out for several years Jones’s church was in our town (2miles from my house) and after everyone committed ‘suicide’ in Guyana they ran a list of names on the local news. A large number of previous students and their parents were on the list. The shit didn’t go down in my town but a whole generation where I grew up lost friends and family to that guy and the church (with a guard tower) still stands to this day but with a different denomination.”

15. “When I was a baby there was this nice couple that lived down the street from me. No kids, middle aged, average couple. The wife and my mom would talk sometimes – casual pleasant neighborly chatter. Apparently this lady was a total sweetheart and was loved around town.

So one day my mom is driving home, and the couple’s house is surrounded by police cruisers. Turns out the wife commit suicide by shotgun. The problem was – she shot herself twice.

For months they were investigating the husband…they were so close to having the evidence that they needed to nail him for the murder.

One day, my mom and grandma were going to the store. When they left, he was sitting in his driveway in his car. He waved at them as they left. When they get home, there are police and an ambulance outside his house – he was slumped over dead in his car – suicide by carbon monoxide.

They literally saw him as he was killing himself after he killed his wife. Yikes.”

16. “Andrea Yates drowning her five kids. Happened five minutes away and our family still sees her ex husband and his new family on occasion. They’re very nice.”

17. “Let’s see… Where to start? This list doesn’t even include the stuff related to the meth epidemic.

(1990’s) A guy cut another dude into pieces with a carving knife and stashed the body in the deep freezer in his apartment. The police only found them a week later.

(2000’s) A guy got into an argument with their cousin at the club, drove to their house and chucked a firebomb inside. The fire killed all five of their kids, who were home at the time.

(2000’s again) Another guy heard that his estranged parents had a huge life insurance policy in their name. One night, he left home, drove to his parents’ place in Iowa, and killed almost everyone (6 people) with a shotgun, then drove home to eat dinner, while awaiting the news. He was only caught because his 7 year old niece hid in the closet the whole time and she was able to tell who did it.

(2015-now) Several fatal shootings and beatings that have killed a few people. Heroin epidemic.

Oh also, Michael Swango AKA “Dr. Death”, a serial killer known for poisoning victims (4-60; true number unknown), worked as an EMT around the area here in the 80’s.

So, yeah, Central Illinois is just low-key slang for ‘Trevor Philips country’.”

18. “Just happened this month, a mother of a one month old punched her baby to death because she was tired of feeding it. She then blamed the father. Fucked up.”

19. “Whitey here. I live in a small south east town. Back in the 80’s the town was still pretty segregated school wise. Where the railroad tracks once ran through town, was the diving line. South side of the railroad was probably 99.9% black. My backyard fence was part of that dividing line. When I was 10, my parents fostered a black boy my age. He lived in my neighborhood, played on my baseball team. His dad went to prison up in NY and the boy lived with us for 4 years. He moved back when his dad got out. But 30 years later, we still tell people we are brothers.

‘D’ taught me a lot about black community. Especially about times when crimes are committed and the whole black community knows who did it. But don’t tell because “fuck the police” or retaliation from the criminal.

we lived 2 blocks from the closest convenience store/arcade. People walking to the store from the south side of the tracks, walked by my house. It wasn’t the wild west or anything. We may not have gone to the same school sometimes, but we only had 1 recreation department so we played sports together. So we always saw people we knew at the store.

But there was this one guy. For the late 80’s this dude was pretty out and flamboyant when it came to being gay. Remember those 70’s and 80’s short shorts with the stripe. If you hung em just right, your balls were exposed.

Anyway, dude used to walk up and down the street, short short, flip flops, tank top t shirt, medium size afro, and usually sucking on a sucker. He was very friendly. He would stop and talk. He acted like he was a girl. He was alright. My sister and her friend were nice to him. He stopped and talked to them if they were ever about.

Fast Forward. So the dude is found in the bathroom at the ballfield. He had been murdered. Just fucked up big time. Beat to hell and back. And the story every one has head as an urban legend before. They had cut his dick off and put it in his mouth. His balls were in his hand and a broom stick had been shoved in his ass.

No suspects.

Year later, out in the county, a white sherriff’s deputy off duty from another county happens to be in our jurisdiction, checking on his parents’ house. Happens to catch 2 black guys robbing the house. He shoots and kills both after a scuffle.

Oddly enough, under routine drug test, because of the shooting, cocaine shows up on his system. This story is really fishy. Investigation goes on for a long time. The cops finally drop the case, declare it self defense or what have.

This is where my foster brother ‘D’ comes into play. Years later. We’re in our 20’s, shooting the shit and somehow bring up the murder of the gay dude. I was like, ‘I can’t believe they never solved that case.’

D was like what you talking about? Everybody knew who did it. What? He asked, ‘remember the 2 black dudes the off duty cop killed breaking into his parents house?’

Yea I remember that.

Well those were the dudes that did it. Everybody in the “hood” knew it was them. They were always terrorizing everybody. And the house they were breaking into and got caught? Drug deal. Those 2 dudes were dealing drugs, and that white guy, off duty sheriff deputy from another county. Shot em in the middle of the deal.

So two drug dealers/murderers are murdered by a crooked cop, but in the end, I don’t really consider that justice for our friendly neighborhood gay boy that probably never hurt a flea in his 20 years of life.

You may not have any love for ‘the man’ or ‘the police’ but how can a community be silent when innocent people are hurt?”

20. “Second week in my new apartment and my neighbor gets robbed and stabbed. I heard the whole encounter and was the one that called the cops.”

21. “I was emancipated really young. I just moved into emergency housing commission and had to sleep in the lounge room because it had the only light bulb and I’m scared of the dark.

For anyone not in Australia Housing Commission is cheap units or houses owned by the government and rented to disadvantaged people. Mostly junkies and welfare bludgers.

Anyway I was sleeping in the lounge room which had the front door attached when I hear the most blood curling screams.

One junkie had poured boiling water over another chick, stabbed her repeatedly and cut off one of her tits.

I was laying maybe 10 meters away.”

22. “A child was raped and murdered. Guy was arrested and he was killed within 24 hours of being arrested and in a community cell of like 6 inmates instead of segregation he died and no one in the cell seen it.”

23. “I only remember some of the details as I was on holidays at the time and only heard second hand what happened. So a guy who lived around the corner had an argument with his wife over something, got pissed off and then shot her. People heard the gunshot and called the police, which prompted him to run away in his car down the main road about 2km to his parents house where he got into their gun locker, killed his parents and then had a standoff with the police that lasted a couple of hours and ending in him shooting himself.”

24. “We had a group of people who would pretend to be the cops, dressed in all black and wore ski masks and stuff, knock on your door, say they had a warrant, and if you opened it up, they would force their way in and rob you.

This went on for months, like, month after month after month. They decided they were above the law, so their crimes kept getting worse and worse, one of their later houses they beat an old man until he had jaw, facial, and skull fractures so bad he had to have a life flight to a major trauma center where he had emergency surgery. The next old couple they killed.

They were sure the local police couldn’t do anything, the newspaper even said the police had nothing to go on, and it just kept getting worse. One of their last home invasions, they just killed the homeowner as he opened the door for absolutely no reason.

I realized that if someone had defended themselves earlier in the chain of criminality, things never would have reached this point. I ended up getting a Ring Video Doorbell and a Strikemaster II door reinforcements for each external door. I keep firearms in electronic safes ready to use at any moment. Nothing like that is going to happen to my family.”

25. “There was a family in the area I used to live in and I played soccer with the middle daughter. It was three girls — two were adults and one was still in high school — and the parents. The parents were very religious, the mother especially, and they had a lot of beliefs that I (and many people) found…strange.

The eldest daughter (whose name I don’t recall) had a serious mental illness that she managed perfectly well when she lived out of home. She had a job, had a decent life and all was well. The relationship she was in fell apart and she had to move back home for financial reasons. One of the rules her parents had was that she wasn’t to take her meds anymore because they weren’t what they considered ‘godly.’

Things deteriorated over time and the parents continued to withhold her medications. Now, I have a chronic mental illness myself and without my meds things descend into chaos quite quickly so I can’t imagine what it would’ve been like for her with her illness being more serious than mine. Her parents were told by their church to pray over her and everything would be ok.

As I’m sure you can imagine things were not ok. She lost her tenuous grip on reality and became unstable. She attacked her family while doing battle with a series of hallucinations that were telling her awful things about her parents and sisters. She took a sharp kitchen knife and went after her youngest sister (the middle one that I knew wasn’t home at the time) and stabbed her to death in the kitchen. Her father kept trying to defend his youngest child while trying to settle the eldest and he sustained serious injuries. The eldest followed him when he ran from the house to get help and she caught him from behind and stabbed him multiple times in the neck. He died on the front lawn. The mother was injured as well but appeared not to be the target of the eldest daughter’s hallucinations and she managed to survive.

The girl was taken down by tasers when the police arrived — they were called by neighbours who heard the commotion — and she was sent to a high security facility where she still is now. She was very obviously not in control of herself at the time so she avoided criminal charges and the mother moved away from the area.

I feel for the mother most; she essentially lost her whole family. The youngest and her husband had been killed and the middle child moved away eventually too, changing her surname when she got married and chose to disconnect from her mother. I know she blames her mum for what happened because she was the one who withheld the medication. I can imagine that the mum blames herself too.

When that happened it helped my mum to put my illness into perspective — if I’m treated properly, everything will be alright. It was a “there, but for the grace of God, go we” moment.

That was the worst crime that happened in our area for quite a while. Years before that there was a massacre (the Milperra Masacre, if you want to google it) between rival biker gangs who had, and continue to have, a presence in that particular suburb. Since then there was a child drowned during an exorcism after parents were told by a priest (or something) that the kid had a demon inside him and trying to force it out was the only way to save him…he was going through puberty, that’s all.”

26. “The kidnapping of Michael Dunahee. He is still just considered missing but its been 20+ years. You’d have to be pretty optimistic to believe he didn’t meet a horrible fate. He was just a small boy when taken and the incident absolutely ROCKED My small crime free city. It changed everything…parents kept a much more careful eye on us kids..many of our freedoms were taken away…I still feel sick when i think about what horrible things must’ve happened to that poor boy.”

27. “Growing up two brothers murdered their parents and put them in bags in the Attic. They did this because their parents would not let them go to a party nor own a cell phone, this was when cell phone were just becoming affordable for the upper middle class.”

28. “DEA bust next door, serial killers dumping ground five minutes from my house, and Sandy hook is within a 30 minutes drive.”

29. “We sold our house when I was 9 and moved a few miles away. The couple we sold the house to was nice enough, but a little odd. I don’t even know what it was, but even I noticed they were weird, and I was a little kid.

Fast forward about 12 years. I’m in college and these people have a son themselves. One day the man cornered his wife in the dining room and blew her head off with a shotgun. They had been having marital trouble prior to that but I’m not sure what exactly set him off. Kind of creepy to know that happened in my old house.”

30. “The girl who got stabbed by the two slenderman girls? My second cousin. My younger siblings actually played with her 2 weeks prior at a family gathering. Crazy.”

31. “Some kid beat another to kid to death with a bat over an argument that had to do with something related to weed. Mind you the population in my town is like 8,000. This was crazy.”

32. “Well, we’ve got a serial killer running around now – he’s killed seven people so far. (Referring to the current serial killer loose in Phoenix, Arizona).”

33. “I live in Downtown Dallas. I was packing for an international trip the night of the police shooting. I took note of the crowds after work and just made a mental note to “stay inside for awhile” after I got home. It wasn’t until I walked downstairs to get some tacos at around 10pm and a couple cops with sniper rifles were posted up in our lobby and told me to “get the fuck back upstairs, we are on lockdown!” that I realized some shit went down. What I witnessed that night and the following day really changed my perspective on a lot. They didn’t show the majority of it on the news. I have always been very supportive and stood behind a lot of social movements…but there is zero excuse for a 14 year old to spit on a cop, tell me I was a “Mexican bitch” that he “ought to rape,” loot a 7-11, or do any of the insane things that I saw.”

34. The Snowtown, Australia Murders

“In my city some guys went around torturing people to death and then dissolved their bodies in vats of acid. But they used the wrong type of acid (Not strong enough) and people complained of a foul smell, so the police investigated and found semi-liquified remains in barrels.”

35. “Two people ordered a pizza and killed the teenage driver because they wanted to know what it was like to kill a man.”

36. “The 10 mile radius around my childhood home is like catnip to serial killers and evil. BTK dumped one of his victims in a ditch a mile away from my house (before I was born,) the Carr Brothers murdered a group of 5 people in the soccer field 4-5 miles from my home (6th one survived because she wore a metal hair clip that caused the bullet to ricochet away from her head,) A man molested small children on the same street, the old lady that hated us kids ended up murdered by her own son (my mom was the one to find her since she started to smell the decomposing body and a family member asked her if she was willing to go in for her.)

Tons of crimes that never were recorded, gunshots going off in the dead of night, a scream that suddenly got cut short, we were just told to lay on the floor while my father paced the house with a shotgun until he felt it was safe.”

Read more: thoughtcatalog.com

The post 50+ True Crime Stories That Will Shock You To Your Core appeared first on TheFeedPost.

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[cicinicole-14]

13,14,20,23,28,30

13. what is a misconception you had about lgb people before you realized you were one?

um firstly, that bisexuals were a thing. I didn’t really know about that. and then like also that bisexuals don’t have to be 50/50. sometimes its 60/40 or 99/1 and thats okay. and also that, you don’t have to identify as anything. also that compulsive heteronormativity is a thing. I was drowning in it because I grew up in the south at a christian school and being gay is an abomination. and I was expected to grow up and while my parents never pushed the “grow up and marry a nice man” on me, they implied that id get married one day and have a family in the traditional sense. um, also, you aren’t obligated to come out to people and also you don’t have to come out to anyone or label yourself at all. and its okay if you don’t figure it all out right now. I thought you had to figure everything out and label yourself. hell fucking no you don’t n its great because I identify as bi right now, but I watched @sydsliftingface’s coming out video a few days ago and she said something that really has stuck with me the past few days and it was really important so I’ll touch on that. “theres a difference between that you could continue to kiss boys versus wanting to kiss boys” and I think thats really important because I’m kinda having another awakening to the fact that maybe I’m more gay that I originally thought huh? idk… come back to me on that… but that quote was really important to me and I’d like to thank her for that.  

14. what is a piece of advice you would give to your younger self

everything will make sense. and you will go at your own pace. and you won’t realize the impact that one thing had on you until months later and hey remember your best friend that you thought of sometimes and didn’t know why? that was an actual crush, sweetie. and its okay to like girls too. also just like hey, everything will make sense. it will click. it takes time and whatnot. but you’ll be okay and you’re accepted. my friends that I’ve come out to have all been supportive and like I’m so happy now. things are really great in this aspect of my life. school? not so much… but we’re surviving. 

20. favourite gay ship (canon or not)

ugh fuck me theres too many. sanvers tho. like I think were going to go a little deep here for a sec. I’m going to say calzone and sanvers because listen up y’all. when I started watching grey anatomy in summer of 2013. calzona was the first wlw ship I had ever seen on my screen and it really opened my eyes to hey, lesbians/bisexuals exist and its ok to like them. and then with sanvers, I didn’t really realize it but I ended up watching supergirl s2 in like a day, and since that day (few days after it had been released on Netflix) I had just in the back of my mind been thinking more and more about my own sexuality and the way Alex had come out etc. and I came out later that July (I watched the show in may btw) ad like come November when 3.05 aired, It hit me how much that Alex/sanvers story really impacted my life and I didn’t expect that and was actually really upset by the breakup even tho I had prepared for it, knew it was happening etc. but like emotions can really fuck you up, y’all. 

23. have you ever been in love?

no. I’ve had feelings for someone, but never in love. 

28. are you out? if so how did you come out

I’m out to my friends, but my parents/family do not know. I don’t plan on telling them. I came out/accepted my sexuality right before I left for college and haven’t really gotten to assess how they really will feel about me being bisexual. so like. I’m closeted for now. 

as for friends. I texted @only-freakin-sunflowers and @unicornshepherdess. they were the first to know, and I posted a thing on tumblr, and came out to them because I knew they wouldn’t judge me at all. they were the first to know because I knew I didn’t have to be afraid to tell them. then, I planned on telling my best friend chelsey next, at home over Christmas break. that didn’t end up happening. the night of my sisters wedding I was a bit intoxicated with my best friend autumn who I’ve known since I was 2 and I didn’t plan on telling her next (she was last on my list) and we got to talking about sexuality or something (idr I was drunk) and I came out to her and she hugged me and I then knew it was all gonna be okay and then I spilled beer on myself fun times. then It was around finals week (nov 27th to be exact I know this bc I came out 7/27, 10/27, 11/27 and then sometime like 12/29.) I was face timing chelsey about Elle mills coming out video she had just posted and I was like “hey, chels, Yano how Elle came out to the world? well I’m coming out to u, I’m bi” and she just was like “awe Cecil I love you” and it was good. I told her I planned on telling her in person but I figured that moment was a good chance. and then when I got home she was actually with me and I told Claudia. @unicornshepherdess gave me a book for Christmas called “this book is gay” and I made Claudia read the back that says “this is for lesbians, gays, bisexuals, trans, undefined and even the straights. its for everyone!” and I told her to read that (I was pointing to it) word. and I was like hey thats me, I’m bi! and she laughed and hugged me. it was a nice moment. but anyway that was it. 

30. what is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexuality

first off, I feel like you’ll never end up feeling 100% safe at all. but just know that you aren’t alone in that feeling. I am literally scared out of my mind at the prospect of telling my parents or them finding out. and tbh, I doubt they would do anything, they’d probably just hug me and laugh and tell raunchy non-offensive jokes and grab me a beer, but that nagging “but what if they hate you, you know they’re going to look at you differently now” is in the back forefront of my mind all the time and I’m scared. its terrifying. also that you need to accept yourself first completely, before you think about trying to come out in an unsafe space. 

my advice is that its okay to be scared, because you are not alone. 

so, we got real deep on these questions, but I would like to thank you, nonnie. I think I needed these tbh. 

[theteablogger]

Michael Corner and Terry Boot

While working on the timeline, I’ve found myself digressing quite a bit to talk about Mike and Terry’s “evolving” relationship throughout DAYDverse and Andy’s meta. Rather than clutter up the timeline, I decided to post something here and simply link to it later. So I put together an outline, with fic links and excerpts and as much chronological detail as possible, of what Andy wrote about Mike and Terry over the years. It stops in 2013 because their labeling has been consistent since September 2012, and he hasn’t written any significant fic featuring these characters since the following year.

(Cut for length and NSFW content.)

April 2008 - In DAYD, Andy establishes that Mike and Terry are best friends, extremely close, and can “read each other’s minds”. Eventually, we learn that this is literally true; they use Legillimency to maintain a constant mental connection that they rarely choose to break. He also mentions that they have matching tattoos, and that Terry’s says, “L’amitie de la conaissance.”

Sometime between April 2008 and July 2009 - In his FAQ, Andy “bans” people from slashing Mike and Terry. He says: 

This is the first thing on the FAQ that is preemptive, not a response to comments or emails, but I feel I need to, particularly after #50. I have given other authors permission to play in my world, but I am putting a few caveats on that. I have no problem with slash or homosexuality. Rowan Glynnis and Malcolm Braddock both “stir their cauldrons in their own direction.” IMHO, both Colin and Luna are bisexual. HOWEVER, I am refusing permission for anyone to slash my Neville and/or Ernie, as well as any Michael/Terry slash. Obviously, these are all four originally JKR’s creations and I cannot ban the pairings in general , but I can ask people not to use my story as material in them. In the case of Neville and Ernie, this is because their relationships with women are just too vital to the plot and who they are as young men in my world, but in the case of Michael and Terry, I have another reason too. As a male writer, I have tried very hard to accurately portray the way the men in my story think and feel, even as I try my best to do justice to the ladies as well. The kind of love Michael and Terry have for one another is an extraordinary sort of brother-bond that men can form for one another under very rare circumstances, and it is one of the most powerful forms of love in the world, sometimes almost as strong as a mother for her child. That is something that I would find debased by making it into romantic or physical attraction, and that is why I am requesting that it not be done. Please respect this, and if I find out that someone has written a story from my canon that violates it, I will be reporting it to ff.net as uncondoned plagiarism.

Prior to June 17, 2008 - Andy publishes “By Consensus”, in which each of the two boys telepathically shares with the other the memory of a sexual encounter that he has recently had with a girl. These are memories such as one might see in a pensieve, except that their telepathic connection allows each to experience it as if he were in the other’s body. This is incredibly skeevy because neither girl is asked for her consent before they share. The experience of sharing these memories is so intense that Mike and Terry “wake up” afterward entangled in each other’s limbs, sweaty, chests heaving, evidently having kissed each other--oh, and they’ve both come. (Link goes to a much later re-posting on the DAYDverse community.) Excerpt:

He was still trembling, there was a hot stickiness at his groin, a deep throbbing that told him he'd come again, but Terry scarcely noticed as he released the connection, the memory fading back to what it had been before he raised it and shared it with his friend.  Instead, what had his attention so completely was he and Michael were no longer laying side by side, but tangled together, and he could feel the other boy's erection flagging as freshly as his own. Their arms were wrapped around each other, their hair damp and clinging to their faces, their chests still heaving, and he could taste a faint lingering hint of chocolate in his mouth.  He hadn't eaten chocolate that day.

June 19, 2008 - Andy publishes “Empirical Evidence” on hprarepairs. In this fic, Mike and Terry have sex and it's the most profound, amazing, meaningful thing ever precisely because they are male, not gay, and feel no sexual desire for each other despite their extremely strong friendship-type-love. It’s so intense, in fact, that they’re afraid ever to do it again. Excerpt:

Michael chuckled, and the sound was oddly rough in his raw throat. “Kind of defeats the whole purpose of avoiding emotional involvement when I love you more than any witch in this school?”   “No fucking kidding.” Terry rolled unsteadily onto one elbow, tucking himself back into his pants. “That was…yeah…but I think if we ever do anything like it again….”   He reached out, pushing a piece of the long blonde hair out of Terry’s eyes. “Speaking of your ancient Greeks, the Spartans encouraged their soldiers to have sex with one another because it took the brotherhood bonds to a level that would drive them to acts of insanity on the battlefield to protect one another. Never made sense before, and I don’t think it’s anything like what Stephen and Derek have…that seems to be more like what we have with witches. This was something else, something more raw, and I mean here –“ he tapped his chest, “—not just down there. It wasn’t…it wasn’t about sex at all, but it was certainly sexual, but….”  “It was terrifying.”   “Completely.” Michael bit his lip, looking down for a moment before reaching out to lace his hand through his friend’s, squeezing it tightly. “Mindless shagging definitely goes somewhere else, then?” Terry nodded. “Definitely.” His fingers tightened on Michael’s. “There’s nothing mindless about what you mean to me, Mike.” 

September 30, 2008 - In “20 Random Facts about Tiresius W Boot”, Andy says that Mike and Terry each has half of a quotation by Comte DeBussy-Rabutin tattooed on his upper arm. Mike has  “L’amour vient de l’aveuglement” (”Love comes from blindness...”) and Terry has “l’amitie de la connaissance” (”...friendship, from knowledge.”). 

November 4, 2008 - In “20 Random Facts About Michael J Corner”, Andy reveals that following Mike and Terry’s deaths in the Battle of Hogwarts, their ashes were mixed and split in half, then buried under identical gravestones with both their names on them. Their parents had intended to engrave the text of their tattoos on the stones, but the Greek characters for "philia" appeared instead, "inexplicably and indelibly of [their] own accord". In this hilarious summary of DAYD, this is described as, “No Homo, in Ancient Greek.”

December 9, 2008 - Andy throws a fit on fanficrants when someone writes what he describes as “a craptastic slash threesome” between Mike, Terry, and Tony. He reports this person for plagiarism because he says that they “stole” his version of Terry.

December 12, 2008 - In “Standing Witness”, Mike is horribly tortured by Belsen while the other students are made to watch. Because of their telepathic connection, Terry shares the experience, and finally casts Avada Kedavra to put Mike out of his misery--but it doesn't work because he doesn’t really mean it. Later, Terry sits at Mike’s bedside and internally monologues at great length about how Mike is indescribably beautiful and intelligent and wonderful and he loves him more than life itself, and now he’s thrown all that away. When he realizes that Mike is still alive, he monologues some more about how much he loves Mike, who no doubt will never forgive him. When these events are described in DAYD itself, the other characters talk about how much Mike and Terry love each other, to the point that they’re closer than brothers. When Mike wakes up, Terry cries over him and Mike kisses his hand. Excerpt from “Standing Witness”:

I've wondered for years what kind of person could burn the Library of Alexandria; all that knowledge, all that art, so much priceless genius, who could look at that and bear to think of a torch or a hammer…but those monsters are still with us, aren't they, Mike? That he could look at you and do…do what he did, knowing you're not just beautiful, but brilliant and brave and good…and how could I help him? What does that make me? Qu'est-ce que creature, quel monstre suis-je? ... We'll fight and we'll survive and all of this, every minute of it and every day of my life I've lived and every day I have left will be worth it if I can just have one more day with you well and whole and seeing you smile, seeing your eyes light up with a new idea, some new bit of knowledge, some new discovery that we can share.  ... Maybe, in the end, that's why I'm here…so that at least once, someone would truly know how precious you are, even if you're in the end a treasure only measurable by its cost to lose.

Sometime prior to February 28, 2009 - Andy publishes “Perils of Studying Outdoors”. Caught sneaking around outside by Amycus Carrow, Mike and Terry misdirect him by passionately making out and...well, here’s an excerpt. The non-italicized bits represent the two of them communicating telepathically.

There was no acting necessary to love him, just love him with every bit of his soul, but he rarely let himself just feel it this completely, because it was so overwhelming as to be a little bit frightening, and he heard a tiny gasp escape his lips, a shiver running through him at the raw, almost feral depth of it. You're beautiful too, Terry. I wish you could see that. Not just your eyes, either.  Terry flinched back, closing his eyes at the compliment and trying to turn away, but Michael's hands were clasped behind his neck now. You don't have to...he can't hear us.  I'm not saying it to him. I'm saying it to you. You're the pretty one. I'm the pin-up. But you're no half-cast spell either. Sometimes I almost wish I could fancy wizards, because you already mean so much to me, and I know if I did, even a little, I'd lose myself in you so easily. You're already so much everything to me, adelphos. Philia et agape... ... The kiss was uncertain at first, edged on barriers neither quite understood and both knew completely, barely a whisper of lip to lip, then the tight set of Terry's shoulders seemed to melt beneath his hands, and arms that had become recently stronger than he had realized were around his waist, pulling them in together until their bodies breathed under one rhythm. It was real in every way that they were, no act at all and so much more than what it was meant to appear to be, expressing every layer of the love that Michael wondered if any other couple in this school - in this world - who could claim simple eros even began to understand. What a pity if they didn't, because even as some faint part of him heard the Death Eater's roar of outrage, knew what was about to come, his mouth was still reluctant to edge away from Terry's, teeth and tongue lingering across the moisture of his lower lip, and the rest of himself was reflected in cobalt that lazed open just in time to lace their hands together and brace themselves before le vilain petit monde cracked over them again.

April 1, 2009 - On the LJ community, Andy posts “Revelations” as a prank for April Fool’s Day. In this fic, Mike and Terry inform their friends that they are involved in a romantic relationship with each other, and then kiss passionately in front of them, as a joke. In the header Andy says, as part of his prank, that he's had writer's block and is curing it by changing the story/characters to fit what the readers want to see. Excerpt:

“There’s no need for rash action,” Michael cut in hastily. “We’re not offended. But if we’re going to be trusting each other with our lives, we can at least trust you with this. It’s been such a year…a lot has changed. We’ve all discovered things about ourselves that maybe we didn’t realize before.” ... Another moment of wordless conversation, and then Neville’s jaw nearly hit the polished surface of the conference table as the two wizards moved as one.   Chairs scraped the stone floor deafeningly, and now Michael was almost in Terry’s lap, their arms locked around one another, and they were kissing. Not just kissing, snogging. Bloody near trying to suck one another’s tonsils out. Mouths crushed together, eyes closed, hands sliding up under robes and gripping shoulders, moving over backs in the most passionate, almost desperate embrace that Neville had ever seen. The tendons corded tight on Terry’s neck. The flutter and fan of dark lashes against Michael’s still-pale cheek. Breath sucked quick and fervent between teeth and around tongues, as if any moment it wouldn’t, couldn’t be enough and they would either have to go further or burst from the pure intensity. It was the kind of kiss that was uncomfortable and voyeuristic to watch, even if it hadn’t been two wizards, and he had to look away, staring at the ceiling and wondering what…wondering how…?

April 6, 2009 - Andy posts his completed “Quadrophilia” sketch, which portrays Mike and Terry having sex with the Patil twins. 

July 12, 2009 - What is a slash and what do you mean Mike and Terry have subtext; I can't see these things at all in any canon ever.

May 26, 2011 - Mike and Terry are bicurious.

June 2011, just over a week later - Terry is asexual. (Andy copy/pasted a group chat about LGBTQIA characters to the community. Neither Mike nor Terry was mentioned during the chat, but in the comments, another user asked if there were any asexual characters in the DAYDverse. Andy replied, “Terry, as a matter of fact.” I won’t link to it because it includes DAYDians’ full names.)

July 12, 2012 - Mike and Terry = BROTP.

September 2012 - Terry is homoromantic/asexual and Mike is homoromantic/heterosexual.

February 23, 2013 - Andy defends himself when asked whether his portrayal of Mike and Terry constitutes queerbaiting.

December 10, 2013 - Andy publishes “Unison”, the story of Mike and Terry’s establishing their mental link, with an author’s note that tries to preempt further talk of queerbaiting. Excerpt from the fic:

“I’m afraid.” "So am I. Of so many things." The vial stopped. The crease between his brows deepened. He pushed his hair back. “What could you ever fear?” "Falling." From grace. From my pedestal. In love. Too late and he knew it for all of them and I couldn’t breathe. The vial lifted, uncapped, tilted to dampen his finger, all still untouched. His wand was still on the floor somewhere behind us both, glowing and casting its ghosts’ light. Oh, but he was so astoundingly gifted in ways I could barely comprehend. I could never. How could he not see it? Maybe if this worked. He touched my temples with the potion; first one, then the other. “I’d catch you.” ... “...I think I’ve only ever done two perfect things in my life." "Only two?" His left hand on his face now as well, his right on mine. Our pulses had come to match. I felt light headed and didn’t even know if it was beginning. I closed my eyes. We were too young, they said. It was too dangerous. We didn’t have the maturity, the control, the capacity for the necessary level of responsible intimacy, much less to handle the complexities and abstracts of it all. Blocking, maybe, under the direst need, but never probing, penetrating, accepting, inviting, receiving. It could change who you were if it happened too young. Never before seventeen, surely. Not for children. Not for us. Rules were made to be broken by the exceptions. Or the exceptional. "Finding you, and now letting you in."

[inspirationallyinsane]

November 28 2019

Tumblr! Hi. It has been too long since I have written, and much has changed. I figured today might be a good day for an update considering it is a holiday and also I had the day off work :) I quit my job at Chase because fuck that place. Um no not really but I was really unhappy there and I didn't get along with my coworkers and my manager was a mysoginistic asshole. It wasn't a great environment. I was up for promotion there but Skyler told me I would have to wait until January to get it and I am absolutely not that patient. Especially when, once again, I am the only banker in my branch. I was doing the job of the RB without having the proper compensation or title. They sent me all the way to Phoenix, AZ to get training so I could be put in the position faster and then I'm told to wait months? I don't think so. If that were the case I should have waited to do the training so I could do it in Oregon. It was incredibly irritating. And everyone else quit. All the tellers quit and both the other bankers quit. Obviously it wasn't a good environment for anyone. At the end, for a full month before I quit, it was just me, the manager, and the teller manager. Unacceptable. I'm not having it. I don't understand why my manager didn't hire people faster. As soon as I gave my two weeks he was suddenly able to hire 3 people. In one week. Hmmmmm. Seems like it could've been done sooner then. Right? Oh well. Chase was an experience. I learned more about what I don't want from a job. Onward and upward. Of course, I couldn't quit without having another job lined up. I applied for a few jobs back in September. I heard back about a position I thought in no way would I ever get. Although I also heard back about a branch manager position which I am also completely unqualified for. So. It's an employee's market. Anyway. I applied for a Licensed Relationship Manager position at Key Bank. Basically in the position you hand small investment portfolios and client's banking needs. A sort of introduction into being an FA while still working mainly with bank products. However, it does mean that the person in that position gets fully licensed. Umm so I did a phone interview while I was in phoenix and as soon as I got back they brought me in for an interview with the branch manager. Next day I get a call saying they want to give me the job. I got a huge pay increase, and will get another one once I finish my licensing. The incentive pay will be similar to what I would have gotten as an RB at Chase, and??? To get licensed and be working with portfolios at 21?? Awesome. I was so hyped. I really couldn't believe that I got the job. It was definitely a stressful transition. The position is in Medford and I didn't want to commute so we had to move. Finding a decent place in Medford for a decent price is ridiculous. I ended up finding a good place albeit a little expensive. I can definitely afford it with the raise and all but. Don't like how much the rent is. It is super nice though. Um it is brand new, no one has ever lived here before. And all the appliances are new and modern. Real hardwood floors (although it is light wood and I do prefer darker wood). The bedrooms are a little small but overall it is much larger than the other house. It has an open layout with lots of windows and natural light. I have an enormous bathroom (two sinks!!!) and a huge walk-in closet that I absolutely adore. I mean. I've never had a closet like this. It's my dream. And so far it has been a great place. We'll see how I feel after paying rent for the first time on 12/1 but. I actually got to unpack everything and there's only like two more boxes. It was a bit of a pain to get here. Trent and I had to work out a situation where he could come with me and that took a lot of conversations and arguments but we made it here together. Which is cool. And then obviously all the packing and planning and preparing?? Stressful. We did get to have movers, so moving the furniture wasn't as much of an issue. And!!! I got to have a ton of old stuff we didn't want taken to goodwill so no more useless shit around the house. Love that. So. It all worked out. Starting a new job is always rough for me. My new manager did lie to me a little bit about the training program. In the interview I asked what it would be like starting and she told me directly that I would be working with customers on my first day. Which turned out to just be a flagrant lie. I was in teller training for my first two weeks. Two weeks. Teller. Wtf. No. So I finished all the online stuff on my first day and then just sat and read the NYT for two weeks. Literally. Except for one call every day from 11:00-12:30. In which I sat and half listened, and mostly read the NYT. I did enjoy reading though. I read all of the ethicist articles and went back through 2013 on the social q's articles. I think that I enjoyed social q's more, but probably just because I disagree with so many things the ethicist says. Also?? The ethicist acts more like an advice columnist (like social q's) whereas he is supposed to be talking about the ethics of the given situation. Not what you should do for the best outcome for you, but what the ethical ramifications/solutions would be. So. Um but I learned a lot and was thoroughly entertained by the utter nonsense people write in. People are wild. I must tell you. But I was still bored and felt tortured. Next week I have to drive up to Portland for the entire week (Mon-Fri) and do my banker training. So dumb. The other day I full ass opened an account (although I guess I wasn't supposed to) and it went totally fine. Like obviously I know what I'm doing. I don't need to learn the products or the system because I'm actually good enough at my job to do it without knowing every detail. I'm not going to memorize the products here because I just end up share, show, and pointing anyway. Like the customer will listen to you yap for about 2 seconds but if you show them a pretty screen that they can look at they will pay more attention. Gonna bring up the product on key.com anyway. So what's the point? I am excited to go to Portland though. I like Portland and I'm staying in a nice hotel and I get to drive instead of fly. And I get to see Jonno which is awesome cuz I haven't seen him in so long. It'll be nice to have a break from my life here I think. I just gets boring and overwhelming. Which you wouldn't think could happen simultaneously, but it can. Ummm what else? The people I work with here are much better than at Chase. So far. The branch is only women, which I love. And they are all relatively nice ladies. A little gossipy for my taste, not so into that. I think it's mostly just the manager though. She lovessss me. I do not know why but she thinks I am God's gift. I mean I knew she felt that way after the interview but she will tell me anything and really lets me do whatever I want. It's fantastic. I can't speak to how competent she is but honestly whatever. As long as it doesn't affect my numbers I don't care. It's not like she's a Nate; throwing tantrums in the office and yelling at customers. Asking me to do her job. Disappearing for hours with no explanation and then acting like nothing happened. Falling asleep at lunch and not coming back without calling or anything. Lmao. After a Nate, I think I could handle a slightly lacking manager. Key Bank is a lot more like US Bank than Chase. There isn't really a dress code and everything is much more casual. The company culture is more diverse and less forced. The training at Chase was much better, not that I needed it in that situation either, but at least the trainers were engaging and interesting. At both Key and US the trainers just blab at you and don't really expect participation. I was kinda interested in being a trainer at Chase cuz they're really cool and they get paid a lot and their lives seem awesome but I would never want to do it anywhere else. Anyway. I don't know. I guess that is the biggest update. Um I also cut all my hair off. I was tired of my look and I wanted a change. So I cut it off and dyed it black. I've always wanted to. I love it. I think it is much more me. I'll post pictures later. My stylist is really cool too. I've never enjoyed going to the salon because the stylists are so chatty and I normally hate them but this is one is really cool. We have a lot in common and she's around my age. So. I'm actually excited to go just to see her. Haha. I don't know. So many changes and yet I don't really feel like anything has changed. I've asked for more changes, I need more changes, but there is only so much I can do myself. I'm a weak person. I don't really know what to say. I have been having a lot of nightmares recently. Sleep has not been good. Which makes life hard for sure. I have nightmares pretty frequently, but more so in the winter than any other time of year. Awful, horrible, terrifying nightmares. Where I wake up and I'm anxious and sad all day. It sucks. I become afraid to sleep. Oddly, it is only night time sleeping when it happens. Because like if I sleep after work or like today, I nap during the day, I don't have the nightmares. It's strange. I wonder why that happens. I guess that's really all. I should write more but my life is boring now and I'm boring now and it just doesn't seem worth much to write about me and what's going on anymore. Recently Jonno asked me what I've been writing and like on a general whole?? Absolutely nothing. I write little poems about this and that here and there but nothing big or important or inspiring. I'm lame, I'm boring. I hung out with Zach the other day for the first time in a while and I felt out of place. My life isn't how it was before. Full of excitement and adventure and intrigue. Even though I was working at a bank and I was working hard I still had interesting things happen and interesting conversations. I wrote so much more when I was having inspiring experiences. Going through my boxes of stuff I found a shitload of poems I wrote at US Bank. Notebooks full. I would write at work. I would write and draw and now? Like yea I read the NYT but I don't produce anything that's my own. It's so much harder now. I have no ideas. That makes me kinda sad. And Trent is just like, if you want to write more, write more. I guess it's not that simple for me. Or maybe it is and I'm just a dumbass who has issues starting things. It is hard to write/say words when you have none left in your head. I don't know. Oh well. Til next time, Tumblr. I hope all my readers are well. If anyone still reads this lol Happy Thanksgiving.

[secretlifeofbunnygirlsenpai]

The Golden Standard (6 years later)

I haven’t taken this since I was 16, I wonder how different my answers will be.

So here’s 16 year old me

1. Last beverage: Water. mmm~ 

2. Last phone call: Daddy. meep.

3. Last text message: "I'm at the school now." 

4. Last song you listened to: Fall Out Boy - Save Rock and Roll

5. Last time you cried: merp. like.. i think it was a month ago.

6. Got back with someone you've broken up with: once. bleh.

7. Been cheated on:  I've been cheated with? hehe

8. Kissed someone & regretted it: nahh

9. Lost someone special: no one died yet.  

10. Been depressed: nahh, I don't think so.

11. Been drunk and threw up: that was one hell of a night

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS: 

12. red

13. red

14.  red

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2013) 

15. Made a new friend: mhmm~ 

16. Fallen out of love:  ehh.. I guess

17. Laughed until you cried: LOLOLOLOLOLOL

18. Met someone who changed you: please! i never change.. okay maybe a little..

19. Found out who your true friends were: shore~

20. Found out someone was talking about you: everyone talks about me. I'M FABULOUS!

21. Kissed anyone on your Facebook friend's list: mhmm~ 

22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: most of them.. 

23. How many kids do you want? 2-4  

24. Do you have any pets:  I LOVE THEM!!!!!!!

25. Do you want to change your name: My last name  

26. What did you do for your last birthday:  Universal and Islands of Adventure

27. What time did you wake up? 6:20 

28. What were you doing at midnight last night? sleeping

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for?: November to end  

30. Last time you saw your Mother: 3 seconds ago  

32. What are you listening to right now: Panic! at the Disco - The Only Difference Between a Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: does Thomas count? No? okay.. 

34. Who is getting on your nerves now? EVERYONE!  

35. Most visited webpage: Netflix

36.Whats your real name: Samantha Isabelle Aldana

37. Nicknames: Sammie, mostly

38. Relationship Status: Taken <3 

39. Zodiac sign: Pisces 

40. Male or female? Female, obviously 

41. Primary School?: Kernan 

42. High School?: Paxon and Sandalwood 

43. College?: LOL I don't know 

44. Hair color: brownish blackishhh

45. Long or short: Meduim

46. Height: I;m a midget heheh 4'9

47. Do you have a crush on someone?: I call him my boyfriend

48: What do you like about yourself?: My teeth

49. Piercings: Ears

50: Tattoos: nahhh

51. Righty or lefty: mostly righty 

FIRST: 

52. First surgery: none

53. First piercing: ears

54. First best friend: Kelsey Alexandria Alipio 

55. First sport you joined: swimming and cheer

56. First vacation: Virginia 

57. First pair of trainers: urmm..

RIGHT NOW: 

58. Eating: oxygen

59. Drinking: nothing

60. I'm about to: read 61

61. Listening to: Panic! at the Disco - I constantly thank god for estaban

62. Waiting for: dinner 

63. I'm feeling: hungry

YOUR FUTURE : 

64. Want kids?: yes

65. Get married?: yes

66. Career: business owner, i hope

67. Lips or eyes: both

68. Hugs or kisses: both

69. Shorter or taller: taller 

70. Older or Younger: idc

71. Romantic or spontaneous: both  

72. Nice stomach or nice arms: both? idc

73. Sensitive or loud: both

74. Hook-up or relationship: relationship

75. Kissed a stranger: nahh

76. Drank hard liquor: nah

77. Lost glasses/contacts: all the fucking time!

78. Sex on first date: no

79. Broken someone's heart: gee.. I hope not  

80. Been arrested: not in this life time

81. Turned someone down: yeahh

82. Cried when someone died: in my tv shows.. 

83. Fallen for a friend: LOL.. yup. I think..  

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 

84. Yourself: mhmm~

85. Love at first sight: nahh 

86. Heaven: mhmm~

87. Santa Claus: WHO DOESN'T?

88. Kiss on the first date: URMM.. Idc

89. Angels: mhmm~

90. God: yup!

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY: 

91. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: nahh 

92. Did you sing today?:  yup

93. Ever cheated on somebody?: nahh~

94. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: probably the beginning of the summer

95. The moment you would choose to relive?: hehehehe~

96. Are you afraid of falling in love?: nahh, there's nothing to be afraid of for me

97. When was the last time you lied?: when I answered the question before

98. Are you usually late, early or right on time?: idk!

99. Are you a good person?: I'd like to think so

100. What's the most horrible thing you've ever done? idk. bleh.

And now 22 year old me

1. Last beverage: Water, still haha 

2. Last phone call: The fiancé

3. Last text message: "Hahaha yeyeyeye”

4. Last song you listened to: Blink 182 - First Datw

5. Last time you cried: like two days ago at work.

6. Got back with someone you've broken up with: well, once still? I don’t really do that.

7. Been cheated on:  And been cheated with once again.

8. Kissed someone & regretted it: yes, a drunk kiss is never something to not be regretted

9. Lost someone special: I wouldn’t say they were special in my current life but they were once a huge part of my life and they no longer walk this earth, it’s kinda sad.

10. Been depressed: not so much.

11. Been drunk and threw up: yeah, gotta say it’s not exactly fun, at least not to me.

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS: 

12. red

13. red

14.  red

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2019) 

15. Made a new friend: I have!  

16. Fallen out of love: no, not this year

17. Laughed until you cried: Literally me last night.

18. Met someone who changed you: yes, yes yes

19. Found out who your true friends were: still trying to figure that out

20. Found out someone was talking about you: all the time but who cares?

21. Kissed anyone on your Facebook friend's list: well everyday ^^

22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: pretty much all of them

23. How many kids do you want? Still want kids

24. Do you have any pets:  always

25. Do you want to change your name: My last name, yeah this hasn’t changed

26. What did you do for your last birthday: DISNEY!

27. What time did you wake up? 7:44am

28. What were you doing at midnight last night? sleeping, yeah I’m an old lady

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for?: Conventions and a cruise

30. Last time you saw your Mother: like a week ago  

32. What are you listening to right now: The sound of him snoring

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes he’s my LGM

34. Who is getting on your nerves now? Nothing really, just sad I have to work today  

35. Most visited webpage: YouTube

36.Whats your real name: Samantha Isabelle Aldana

37. Nicknames: Sammie, Sam, yeah that hasn’t changed

38. Relationship Status: Engaged? In limbo? Taken? All of the above

39. Zodiac sign: Pisces 

40. Male or female? Female

41. Primary School?: Kernan 

42. High School?: Paxon and Sandalwood 

43. College?: FSCJ

44. Hair color: brownish blackishhh

45. Long or short: Meduim

46. Height: I;m a midget heheh 4'9, I’m still like 4’9

47. Do you have a crush on someone?: I do, the biggest

48: What do you like about yourself?: My teeth

49. Piercings: Ears, naval

50: Tattoos: like 4

51. Righty or lefty: mostly righty 

FIRST: 

52. First surgery: still none

53. First piercing: ears

54. First best friend: Kelsey Alexandria Alipio 

55. First sport you joined: swimming and cheer

56. First vacation: Virginia 

57. First pair of trainers: bycicle

RIGHT NOW: 

58. Eating: nothing

59. Drinking: nothing

60. I'm about to: read 61

61. Listening to: The sound of my love snoring

62. Waiting for: breakfast

63. I'm feeling: hungry

YOUR FUTURE : 

64. Want kids?: yes

65. Get married?: yes

66. Career: yeah this is why I’m going to school to figure this shit out

67. Lips or eyes: both

68. Hugs or kisses: both

69. Shorter or taller: taller 

70. Older or Younger: idc, and I still don’t care

71. Romantic or spontaneous: both  

72. Nice stomach or nice arms: both? idc and I still don’t care

73. Sensitive or loud: both

74. Hook-up or relationship: relationship or hook up whatever

75. Kissed a stranger: yes

76. Drank hard liquor: I drank liquor

77. Lost glasses/contacts: all the fucking time! And it still applies

78. Sex on first date: actually yes

79. Broken someone's heart: I know I did.

80. Been arrested: not yet, I don’t plan on it

81. Turned someone down: yeah

82. Cried when someone died: yes.

83. Fallen for a friend: Harder and harder everyday

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 

84. Yourself: I’m working on it

85. Love at first sight: nahh, still don’t

86. Heaven: yes

87. Santa Claus: WHO DOESN'T? I STILL DO!

88. Kiss on the first date: Yes

89. Angels: yes

90. God: a higher power, so yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY: 

91. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: nope

92. Did you sing today?:  I did yesterday

93. Ever cheated on somebody?: a little bit

94. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: The beginning of my life so I could relive it again

95. The moment you would choose to relive?: the moment I got together with my darling

96. Are you afraid of falling in love?: I used to be, I don’t think anyone can fall in love quickly and I used to not believe in it.

97. When was the last time you lied?: probably like a month ago?

98. Are you usually late, early or right on time?: depends

99. Are you a good person?: I'd like to think so

100. What's the most horrible thing you've ever done? I’m not answering that ^^

[niccongo0-blog]

Goose Island Bourbon County Stout 2018

Proprietor’s Blend. Chicago Only

GI President Todd Ahsmann is calling this the greatest year of all time for BCS. A record 8 releases are set to drop on Black Friday.

Bourbon County is something that Goose works on all 12 months. In January the internal competition begins amongst brewers and lab technicians. Everyone gets to propose his/her version of BCS in a one-liter jar.

4 rounds and a couple months later, Brewmaster Jared Jankoski decides which finalists get the bottle treatment.

Themes from the Goose Clybourn Preview Event: -RDF (Real Degree of Fermentation) was up this year so ABV is 15.4% ABV up from 14.  

-Everything was aged in a blend of 75% Heaven Hill, 25% Buffalo Trace barrels for an average of 10 months. It’s a shift from using all Heaven Hill last year.

– Dorothy is the code name for a collection of six whirlpool stainless steel infusion tanks. These were installed for balanced extraction rates after cold adjuncts are added. This tank re-circulation method replaces adding adjuncts to fermenters and barrels.

-All the flavors in this year’s lineup have made it to trials in the past

8, a Goose Black Friday Record

R &D Manager Mike Siegel sequenced the order of the 2018 tasting. This is was first time Goose staff tried them all. Prop left the bright tank just 2hrs before the event. Bourbon County Brand Coffee Stout is absent this year. It’s a bittersweet reality for the original BCS variant. That beer had been in the core lineup every year since its 2010 debut with an Intelligentsia’s Black Cat Espresso Blend.

1st all new BCS recipe since Barleywine

Bourbon County Wheatwine A very simple, stripped down beer that highlights the character of the barrel aging process. It’s an entirely new recipe, the first new offering in the Bourbon County family since the introduction of Barleywine.

Innovation Brewer, Tim Faith took on the project start to finish from a single barrel trial over 2 years ago. It’s not an unheard of style, but it’s uncommon, for sure.

Back in 2015 Goose Island Clybourn brewers led by Jon Naghski took a silver medal at FOBAB for their Cherry Run Wheatwine. The Fulton interpretation has bright sherry tones and a much less layered complexity when compared to Barleywine.

Wheatwine is a continued exploration of what the Bourbon County can be.

A sweet, expressive barrel showcase with a simple 2 row, malted barley and malted wheat backdrop. The color comes from the extended 2.5hr boil. Fresh viscosity and mouthfeel expose the bourbon barrel for what it is. This extension of the tribe is not related at all to the original Greg Hall stout recipe.

1800 N. Clybourn

Bourbon County Original OG is priority number one for the Goose brewing team and the most important beer of the lineup every year. Not just because of legacy but it’s the base that feeds into most other variants. OG comes out very balanced; historically you expect a little more heat. The fudge and molasses notes are forward this year.

Bourbon County Stout Reserve Fresh 4 yr casks are out. In steps 2017 Whisky of the Year, Elijah Craig’s 12yr casks. Expect distro in Chicago and Kentucky with small quantities headed to NY and GI’s worldwide pubs. An older cask transforms this beer. The level of trust to receive these older casks makes this one special. Expect more toffee, oak, vanilla and dried fruit character than OG. These beers are effortlessly alluring.

Chicago, Kentucky + Goose Worldwide Pubs

Brewmaster Jared Jankoski*

Midnight Orange Oscar Sanchez and Paul Levin both landed on the same concept during trials. This national variant is modeled after delicious milk chocolate candies that reveal individual chocolate segments filled with real orange oil when unwrapped.

Actual broken up chocolate bars and cacao nibs are a labor intensive and costly project to bring into the brewhouse, but Goose has a history of this behavior. This is more about the orange zest than the juice. Minimizing the bitterness that comes from the pith was a goal.

Midnight Orange is accentuated with a round milk chocolate candy profile. Oscar was inspired by dark chocolate orange mocha down in Mexico. Spanish Navelina orange peels had a depth of character that the staff really dug. 2 eastern African cacao nib variants were sourced. The subtle citrus bump makes the stout lighter on the palate.

Whiskey cocktails (Old Fashioned), orange infused beers (Fulton & Wood En Passant) have set the precedent. It’s an odd harmony that was bound to happen. Conversations with Heaven Hill Master Distiller, Denny Potter about appreciating citrus flavors resident already in his single barrel reserve bourbons pushed momentum forward.

Refining orange as a character takes this variant into a slightly different direction than we are used to. The volatile sweet orange peels were maintained with a high quality freeze. Brewers had 2 days after shipment to incorporate.

Spanish Navelina Orange Peels + Eastern African Cacao Nibs*

Bourbon County Coffee Barleywine This happy accident was born at FOBAB 2013 when the big homie, Ryan Tucker connected Barleywine to a coffee randall instead of Coffee BCS.

Layered caramel malt flavors with hints of raisin and maple. It’s a thick, massive graceful barleywine. There are 7 Central American coffee growing regions. Over 1400 meters is the altitude where premium coffees are grown. The team flew to southwest Guatemala to visit Finca La Soledad, a coffee farm that’s been part of the Perez family for 6 generations. One of GI’s 37 brewers was a roaster for 18 years at Intelligentsia.

After cupping 16 coffees, high altitude, classic bourbon was a top 3 for everyone in attendance.

In the past ground up cold brew concentrate was added to the beer. This year beans were added to the infusion tank where it swirled and recirculated through whole roasted beans with no grinding and no delusion.

The controlled environment of the Dorothy allows for a balanced flavor extraction from additional ingredients. Barleywine is a mindful partner for coffee because there’s less roasted malt than stout. This was the most scrutinized of the variants with tastings every hour and overly assessed raw materials.

This isn’t the end of Coffee Stout, it’s just a pivot.*

Bourbon County Proprietor’s Blend (Chicago Only) 12 lbs per barrel of ground dark chocolate bars and two types cacao nibs were added to Prop ‘18. An earthy dark and a milky chocolate, the same ones used in Midnight Orange.

There are no rules in this blend. Introducing new recipes is a huge part of the annual BCS process. The challenge of these beers was to highlight 1 or 2 ingredients in each release. Goose has used cacao nibs for years but never chocolate. The robust depths of raw cacao nibs compliment the milky chocolate.

Mike Siegel insisted on using the actual brittle roasted bean instead of liquid chocolate. Prop was sampled every 30 minutes for a month until it yielded desired flavors. It circulates in tanks during the day and rests overnights. It’s the first time in 15 years that the brewery worked non-stop third shifts on a beer.

2010, 2014, 2018

Bourbon County Vanilla The trucking company didn’t want to insure the vanilla pallets this year because they were too expensive. In the past staff looked at vanilla variety instead of the compounds in the character. This is the latest heavily nuanced expression of vanilla in the lineup following 2010 and 2014 (Vanilla Rye)

After 2 days, classic vanilla and toasted marshmallow begin to rise in the profile. The longer it sits, fruity floral, then deep leathery notes emerge. A hammer mill (food grade wood chipper) gently shredded whole Madagascar vanilla beans just enough to expose the inside beauty of the seeds without pulverizing it.

Prop wasn’t packaged yet, it arrived straight from the bright tank for this sneak peek*

Bramble Rye’s 1st appearance in the lineup since 2011*

Bramble Rye When Brewmaster Jared Jankoski shares his BCS spider graph of nuance, this one sits at the bolder end of the spectrum. Bramble was a brewers and fan favorite back in 2011. It’s easy to fuck up a fruited stout with overly pronounced fruit characteristics…not the case here.

The worlds of rye whiskey and fruit have never layered better. Jammy tannins from raspberry and blackberry seeds and skins are wrapped nicely with a distinct velvety mouthfeel. Rye whisky highlights earth tones. Raspberry puree, whole blackberry and blackberry juice create an opulent, rich intense fruit wave that transcends all.

After a sip Jared’s impression was simply, “It taste like it belongs in the chalice of a 10th Century king.”

 –Nkosi

Est. 1988

Other Notes: -There are 37 brewers at Fulton now. Triple the number they had just 7 years ago.

– Tim Faith initially brewed Wheatwine on a 2 barrel pilot system and aged it for a year ago so the crew could have a proof of concept long before its release.

-All 8 variants will flow at Prop Day on November 11th

-* denotes photo courtesy of Brad Chmielewski

-A Bramble Rye Sorbet and a Proprietor’s 2018 Float (chocolate gelato, chocolate whipped cream, chocolate sauce) were served at the event.

-Raw ingredients (African cacao nibs, Spanish orange peel, Guatemalan coffee, raspberry + blackberry) all made appearances to accent this year’s varietals

Source: https://www.chicagobeergeeks.com/2018/10/goose-island-bourbon-county-stout-2018/

[andrewuttaro]

New Look Sabres: GM 21 - PIT - Statement Win

It was late in the calendar year of 2015 when Pittsburgh Penguins fans were bemoaning the impending end of an era. With regular injuries from Sidney Crosby and only two failed Eastern Conference Final appearances since the Cup team of 2009 fans were speculating the core was to be broken up soon. Evgeni Malkin was certainly going to be torn from Crosby and what was to be a dynasty team would languish in the shadows of the era of Western Domination. Then another coaching change, the new GM Jim Rutherford pulling off some fancy moves and what do you know: two Cups in three years for the Pittsburgh Penguins. Now, after perhaps the best two year run of playoffs in the salary cap era, they were eliminated by their sworn rivals the Washington Capitals in the third year and now have but a single win in the month of November. In another season the Buffalo Sabres coming to town might just represent the perfect opportunity for the Championship pedigree Pens to get back on winning ways. Not this season: the visiting Buffalo Sabres arrived in Pittsburgh tonight on a five game winning streak having collected the most points in their opening twenty games since before the organization was synonymous with tanking. The Sabres for once, came into this matchup as the team looking to capitalize on a struggling opponent. This game didn’t feature wonder-boy turned wonder-man Sidney Crosby but it did feature a Sabres goalie in Carter Hutton who had proven to be a Penguin-killer in his past places of work. This game lived up to the bizarro role reversal affair longtime watchers of these two teams thought it could be.

The Penguins looked fragile in the first period. While they got several good breakaways the Sabres dominated the possession game. This was so much the case that Olli Maatta high sticked Zemgus Girgensons right in the Cop mustache to send the Sabres on their first powerplay. However, Derek Brassard capitalized on one of those breakaways and got the home team on the board first at 8:46 of the first. While the Sabres didn’t exactly lock down their own zone any better after that goal, it was the visitors who struck back at 11:43 by way of Tage Thompson. Yes that Tage Thompson; about time, right? He scored that goal we kept seeing in the preseason, that nice slapshot from his towering stature and it was tied 1-1. The first period also featured a tribute and a fight. Conor Sheary, to the chagrin of some of his Pittsburgh detractors got a video tribute for his service on two Cup teams there. Jake McCabe got into a proper old fashion hockey fight with Riley Sheahan after McCabe boarded Zach Aston-Reese and Rob Ray gave the broadcast a good little lesson on how to fight from 1993. What else happened? Oh yeah, new arrival Tanner Pearson appeared on the top line with Malkin and Phil Kessel in this game and assisted on a Kessel goal to get the Pens ahead 2-1 going into the first intermission. Phil Kessel, in spite of how everyone has been blamed him for this season’s struggles, really has blossomed in these two years in Pittsburgh. Man, I enjoyed hating the Kessel Leafs.

Things got whacky in the second period. After a noticeably less little-bitch-looking Jake Guentzel got the Pens their third goal of the game Phil Housley and the Sabres challenged for goaltender interference. It was a weak challenge but worth it I suppose. As of the writing of this post the Second period reads as only having two penalties, both called against the Sabres for a five-on-three they killed. I mention it because there very easily could’ve been four times that many penalties in this period. You name the Sabres forward and they were probably tripped in this game. I’ll refrain from addressing the blue line tackle that one Penguin executed like it’s the NFL. There’s something chippy about games against Pittsburgh and the Sabres being good only makes it better. The Kessel line struck again, this time by a sausy rebound goal by Tanner Pearson. Hutton, who once again was doing all the work in this game, was badly screened on that goal. The outrage was short lived when two minutes later Marco Scandella took a puck off the angle and fell to the ice. On his way down his stick swooped around and nailed Malkin in the neck. It looked like a decapitation and while you’ll never pin intent, that high sticking penalty looks murderous. I won’t defend Marco Scandella on that one but what an odd game for the referees in this game. At one point Jamie Oleksiak nearly got a refs’ skate to the temple. Nonetheless Pittsburgh was getting rolling. The Sabres, however, scored next, this time it was Zach Bogosian. It was a shot from the point you love to see from the defenseman, especially the snake-bitten ones. Later on in the period at 18:12, Casey Nelson got credit for a goal Conor Sheary redirect right in front and Buffalo went into the final frame trailing only 4-3.

This is the type of game every period gets its own paragraph. Gee, these Pittsburgh nights. The final frame was a chase. The Penguins were chasing not fucking losing again and the Sabres were chasing their proverbial cocaine and that sweet sweet comeback high. The missed two powerplay opportunities for it because of course they did. Buffalo took over as the period went on through and you could feel the pressure for that equalizer coming as the entertainment value went up. Then Casey Mittelstadt roofed one over Casey DeSmith’s shoulder and Buffalo went ballistic. There was a roar you could feel in your bones if you love this Sabres team. 4-4 tie game. The Sabres largely controlled play and made DeSmith look bad on a few opportunities to end it regulation. Then OT came and as we heard that word echo in RJ’s voice in our heads we saw the Sabres give up some rough opportunities in the extra frame. Then Jack Eichel caught a pass from a falling Ristolainen and the Captain took this baby home five hole and the puck just trickled across the line in the cheekiest fashion imaginable. Jack lost his shit and so did I. Buffalo Sabres win in Pittsburgh for the first time since April 2013 and take it 5-4 in OT.

Six straight wins for the first time since the turn of the decade. I hadn’t had my first kiss yet in January 2010 and now I have two college degrees and a wife! It felt like this team was due for a stinker and I was one of many predicting it! As if some of the games in this win streak weren’t stinkers! It is so very awesome to have our Sabres cold takes be proven wrong in a positive way for once in my adult life! Some side notes: Marco Scandella did not return to this game after his little sequence. This may sound cold but I think I speak for many Sabres fans when I say I cannot wait for the Lawrence Pilut era to begin in Buffalo! Rasmus Dahlin showed off with his and dekes in this game and Zach Bogosian looked lost even in a game he scored in. These guys still can’t score on the powerplay to save their lives and get outshot like a street fighter E-Sports championship but they’re winning games!

I want to leave you with what winning these games means: if the Sabres win on Wednesday at home against Philadelphia (I’ll be there losing my voice along with everyone else that sees what this winning streak against these opponents means) they will have a seven game winning streak for the first time since… wait for it… the 2006-2007 season. Gasps. Yeah. I said this game could be a statement win. They didn’t hang a lopsided boxscore on Pittsburgh but they won a game they trailed against a team that plays good hockey even when they are stinking up the place. The last time the Sabres were as good as this win streak denotes they won the Division. If they win on Wednesday, they’re going to be playing dress up as the best Sabres team to ever lace up their skates. I like literally can’t even right now (That’s how we talked when the Sabres last won this consistently). Like this statement win, comment on it and share this with your friends. This team isn’t only just fun again; their good again. Book it.

Thanks for reading.

P.S. The Penguins organization handles off-ice tragedy like the class of the league. I really believe they showed every organization how to be there for your community after something awful like what occurred last month.

[brokenrants]

this is me

so, this is my first post.

my life hasn’t been great recently. actually never has been great.

let’s just make this first post about my life story. i know, i know. no one cares about me but since this is going to be my rant account and my diary, i feel like i should post a few things about myself first, so people may understand my issues better.

my name is nathalie - or nad. i’m 23 years old, gemini, and i have mental illnesses.

i’ve been diagnosed with depression, probably got borderline (it’s not diagnosed completely but all the therapists that i ever had tend to it) too, i have at least one eating disorder and i’m a selfharmer - but clean for over 450 days now so cheers!

i have four younger siblings, my parents are seperated which never really affected me until the day i kinda missed having a father-daughter relationship where the daughter sees her father as a hero. my father is a dick.

same with my mother, but she’s never been a mother to me.

so let’s start with that. let’s start with my birth and my relationship to my mother because she’s to 90% the reason, why my life and my health are fucked up!

i was born on the 6th of june in ‘95! my mother always told me, that giving birth to me was the worst thing. she was in pain for a whole day (or two) and she almost died while giving birth to me. so i guess that’s why she hates me so much.

when i was younger and all my siblings slowly came into our lives, she started to treat them better than me. no matter what happened, if my siblings hurt themselves by playing or if something else happened, it was ALWAYS my fault. she beat me, when they cried, even if i didn’t do anything. she beat me until i was 12 and until i told her, that if she beats me again, she’ll never see me again. i guess, she stopped because maybe she cared about me still - somehow. in her own fucked up way, at least that’s what i told myself but honestly, i’ve started thinking that she only stopped because she probably got scared i’d go to the youth welfare office and she might lose my siblings.

anyway, like i said, everything was my fault and still is. yes, i know. it’s sad that i still live with my family even though i’m 23! let’s talk about that too - later.

once i went to kindergarten, i’ve started to feel much worse. i wasn’t the skinniest or prettiest kid - or woman now - ever. so i was alone, every single day. while my brother had friends there, i was sitting in the corner, playing all by myself. there’s nothing more to say about my kindergarten time, i was just really alone and i guess that’s when my depression started to evolve.

when i went to school, it was the same all over again but i had a childhood friend there, at least till grade three, until we moved. but even in school, i‘ve got bullied and felt alone. people were making fun of me all the time, i still remember the first time in school ever, where i didn’t know anyone and i was really excited to go to school and maybe make new friends, shouldn’t be that hard for a six year old right? - wrong. i had my childhood friend and i was really happy about that, but even on my first day at school kids were laughing behind my back and avoiding me.

so, this went on until the very last day of school. in between we moved and i was able to spend one year in third class with my (ex) best friend, until i had to redo the class because we moved and my grades weren’t good enough. i got into a whole new class where i got bullied and laughed at again. they even pushed in front of my brothers eyes on our way home from school.

in fifth grade it was the same, until i moved to my aunt. i only stayed at hers for half a year but at least i had the best time ever. no bullying, no beating. sure, she was strict and we fought sometimes and in the end i got homesick, so i went back home. but i regret not staying with her because maybe, just maybe, i’d be happy and successful by now.

when i moved back home, it started over again. let’s not forget to mention that in third grade, when i came into a new class and people started to bully me again, i refused to go to school anymore. i refused to go to school until i got my diploma.

 but i got into a new class again, got bullied again (surprise, surprise!) and started to refuse to go, again. my mother put me in a halftime psychiatry for kids and teenagers. they diagnosed depression and selfharm, but they weren’t able to fix me so i went back to school and all of the bullying and refusing started again.

i’ve became highly depressed then and the selfharm got extremely bad. i cut my thighs, my legs, my belly, my arms from my wrists up to my shoulder. it was horrible. i still wonder how i even got my diploma.

since then i’m trying to find work and a female therapist. it is fucking hard to find a female therapist in this damn city.

over the years the relationship to my mother got worse. she is a really selfish person, we always fight because of money. long story short; she is “sick” and can’t work, so she is getting money from the country for herself, my siblings and me. the money she’s getting for me is supposed to be for the rent, food, clothes, etc. i NEVER really see any of the money and everytime i need or want something - and i don’t ask for much, ever - she complains about how expensive i am, while she’s giving my siblings anything they want. that’s a reason why i hate her so much, because she’s treating me like a slave and my siblings like kings and queens. i’m not even overreacting. i always tell my mother that i need new shoes or underwear and i have to wait at least 3 months because she keeps telling me that we don’t have money while my sister asks for money every day and gets the money or while she buys herself clothes and cigarettes and whatever she wants. last time i asked for new bras because mine were falling apart, literally falling apart and she said we don’t have money, two days later she came home with 3 new bras for herself!

anyway, she threatened me to kick me out a few times, i went to a closed psychiatry when i was 18 but only for 12 days and i had to pay 120€ for it and she didn’t support me - another reason why i hate her, she never supports me and i literally have to pay for every damn thing myself - always had to. i got out of therapy and right back into the dark circle that’s called my life.

i started an education, which i quit because everything got bad again. that was before i went to psychiatry in 2013. i started hurting myself really bad again and i got bullied again in school.

then i tried getting a better diploma in a school for adults because people kept telling me that it will be different this time. it wasn’t different. i started hurting myself really bad again and quit again.

i had some jobs since then, but nothing permanent. i’m still trying to find a job since that day. to be honest, i KNOW i want to be a roomdesigner or something similar, but i don’t want to start another education and get bad again, i’m afraid of that and it’s not worth it.

so, last year i was in a halftime psychiatry for adults and they kicked me out after a few weeks, because i got a virus and it wasn’t worth it if i missed one week of therapy - haha!

since then i’m trying to find a female therapist and a job. i’m also trying to move into my own apartment, but it’s very hard to find one since the country is helping out with that but they said it can only cost 270€ and shouldn’t be bigger than 50sqm. it’s so hard to live in a small apartment with a mother that doesn’t care about you and siblings that always fight with you or each other. i’m a really sensitive person and i hate fighting over stupid things like the dishes, especially since my sister is always insulting everyone and yelling, my youngest brother has adhd and is really annoying and selfish, and the oldest of my brothers is really loud with his music and the walls are thin. no one gives a fuck about no one in this family and i just want to get out of here. i NEED to get out of here!

one more thing. this year in january my loved bunny died, she got really old and had a happy life but it totally killed me. i have 3 cats and one bunny and they mean the absolut world to me. i’m a vegetarian and i’m really sensitive when it comes to my pets. and right after me and my (ex) best friends buried her in their garden, they started to ignore me. one of them i’ve known my whole life, since we were babies because our parents knew each other since school and the other one, her husband, i’ve known for over 10 years i think. anyway, they got sick and tired of me because i was at theirs way too often, while they called me all the time and asked me if i could watch their kids - funny, isn’t it? so i don’t have any friends where i live, not anymore. and no reason to actualy leave the house. i lost a lot this year and i’m tired. sick and tired of it.

so.. this is my life.

not everything has been shitty. i have my bunny and my cats and they give me strenght every single day, without them i’d be dead by now and they’re the only reason why i get out of bed every day. in 2016 i’ve met my best friend for the first time and we went to three concerts (troye sivan, 5sos twice) and it was the best time ever. i’ve met her again last year in january to see the band live, that brought us together almost 10 years ago (green day!!!) and this year we’re going to meet twice. next month she’ll be at my place for two weeks and in november we’re going to see 5sos again and i’ll stay at hers for 3 1/2 weeks and i’m really looking forward to that and i also hope, that i’ll have my own apartment by then!

— nad

[nicemango-feed]

Professor Jordan Peterson: Charlatan Conservative Christian Perpetually Paranoid about Pronouns & Postmodernism

Trigger Warning: If you don't like feminists or leftists, avert your eyes. This could be upsetting.

***

I ran a little contest for the title on Twitter, while there were so many great suggestions

Well, an anagram of Jordan B Peterson is desert banjo porn

— Martin (@NataliasDad) July 28, 2017

Kermit the Monologue

— Liam van der Spek (@SpekOfTheDevil) July 28, 2017

Misunderstanding Bill C-16 for $55,000 a month

— JD-800 (@thejd800) July 28, 2017

"Old Man Yells at Cloud: the Jordan Peterson Story"

— brane bzkl (@Buzzkill_AOC) July 28, 2017

I went for the wayyy too long alliteration angle, since I felt it captured the essence of his nonsense best.. 

He's so verbose I can't narrow down 11 paragraphs about NESTING into a title

— Paul City (@RealPaulCity) July 28, 2017

Shout out to @somestingray for inspiring that! 

professor peterson’s postmodern paranoia

— Ray (@SomeStingray) July 28, 2017

-----

Pic From https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Awot-d8U9Cc

Ah...Jordan B. Peterson - I remember a time when I had no idea who that was, and my life was better for it.

Who is this guy? Well...For those unfamiliar he is a ‘controversial’ conservative university professor, in my own progressive city *sigh*....at University of Toronto.

He's your average conservative Christian, with an added dose of hardcore gobbledygook with the audacity to criticize postmodernists for the same. Step aside Deepak Chopra! There's a new snake oil salesman in town. And this time he's smuggling in extreme conservatism AND atheists love him. Apparently one of the *most requested* guests of all time on Sam Harris' podcast!

Why is 2017 like this. Nothing makes sense anymore. 

jordan b peterson: a looney twist on the old school Christian conservative

— peppermint (@strengthgentle) July 28, 2017

Gosh, remember when the atheist scene used to ridicule charlatans like Deepak instead of embrace them as some of our favourite intellectuals simply because they ‘trigger’ libtards, and dump on trans ppl, ‘the left’ and feminism - all the favourite bogeymen of the internet atheist movement! ...resulting in this strange alliance with a man who literally brought himself to tears while reading his own essay which mentioned ‘a loss of faith’. 

Goddammit, make atheism great again. 

It really amazes me that he criticizes flowery 'postmodernist' language for much of the same type of nonsense that comes out of his own mouth. He rose to fame last year when he had an unbelievable temper tantrum about Ontario’s bill c-16 somehow taking away his freedoms by protecting trans people from discrimination. He’s been shown  to be misrepresenting the law, but his popularity only grows in this climate where facts hold little value, and anything of substance is dubbed 'fake news'.

Peterson has no qualms associating with people on the far far right...he even appeared on a nazi's podcast. A woman who has literally advocated violence against people of colour refusing to leave the hypothetical ethnostate. 

Host of that show is another extreme race & IQ obsessive wanting to deport non-whites. http://pic.twitter.com/QF00K9Tr3d

— Nikolashvili (@ViniKako) March 12, 2017

He may very well not be aware of all her views, but googling someone or looking at their social media is the least you can do before appearing on their show and lending them your legitimacy as a professor. If you are this blinded by your hatred of the left that you're going on Nazi shows to talk about 'Western Civilization'...you probably should not be teaching kids. 

As a critic of leftist mumbo-jumbo, its funny he describes the average university class as a postmodern neo-marxist indoctrination cult (h/t @somestingray). He wants to start his own online university scarily enough...He plans to 'cut off the supply to people running the indoctrination cults', i.e., universities. And don't you worry... he's working on a way to differentiate between 'post modern course content' and 'classical course content'.

In a time where mainstream media institutions are being discredited by right wing nutjobs, so too are educational institutions. Now, hold on to your kekistani undies, i’m not saying there aren’t ever crazy instances on campus, I’m not saying never criticize universities or The Left. There’s plenty to criticize... but there’s no proportionality….this response, as in...idolizing Jordan Peterson the guy who’s somehow repackaged old school conservatism as something new and hip…as an antidote to 'the left gone wild, drunk on the power of premarital sex, immorality, independent career women and loss of faith'…I mean come on...I've heard this shit before...

I grew up in Saudi Arabia. 

Just check this rulebook for men he wrote a few yrs ago. (h/t @21logician) 

It’s full on insanity.

And spare me the obvious - 'these are metaphors'… yes I know he’s not calling for literal child sacrifice. 

Still crazy. 

Build the crystal palace. O-kay then. 

Look I consulted with my ancestral spirits…and they warned me not to watch Jordan Peterson content…but silly lady-brain of mine.. didn’t listen. So here we are. 

Now I’m trying to compile as much of JBP’s bs into one blogpost as I can tolerate sifting through in one sitting. For someone sooooo upset about his free speech allegedly being taken away over bill c-16, he certainly doesn’t extend that courtesy to other groups. 

Here he is in 2011 discussing how atheists aren’t an oppressed or excluded group in the west, perhaps even dominant, and how he’s not a fan of atheist advertising. An Ad on a bus pissed him off ffs, meanwhile calling people what they want to be called is a violation of his rights.  Full video of his ad chat here 

Jordan Peterson on pro-atheism billboards. This would be a good topic for discussion @SamHarrisOrg http://pic.twitter.com/JQdhfvgyo8

— Tom Bloke (@21logician) December 28, 2016

Why maybe Dawkins *should* be oppressed he said. Jeez Jordan, why so angry?

maybe @RichardDawkins should be oppressed @jordanbpeterson http://pic.twitter.com/MiaGNIosA3

— Tom Bloke (@21logician) December 28, 2016

"If you don’t have any faith in an ultimate authority that says life is sacred, what’s to stop you from mobilizing everything you can to kill as many people as you can…."  That's real original Jordan. 

Jordan Peterson talking about Stalin's lack of religion. This is as feisty as Canadian TV gets I think http://pic.twitter.com/gzzpDcfXVj

— Tom Bloke (@21logician) December 27, 2016

Here’s some more laughable god stuff:

Proof itself, of any sort, is impossible, without an axiom (as Godel proved). Thus faith in God is a prerequisite for all proof.

— Jordan B Peterson (@jordanbpeterson) November 26, 2013

To think of how popular he is among atheists cracks me up (and makes me sad). This anti-left stuff in the era of the rise of the right...sure makes for some strange bedfellows. 

In his two hour conversation with Sam Harris he couldn’t really define 'truth'. He is basically the religious conservative version of what he criticizes re:postmodernism. Dislikes the pronoun Xir because apparently thats just leftist nonsense….but can’t decide on what truth means. 

Just a quick glance at his Twitter timeline will show that he posts bs memes of his own gibberish quotes..and people love it! 

I honestly can’t understand…has the human population become this dumbed down? Is this reflective of a failure of our education systems?…that people hear a string of multi-syllabic words and are immediately wowed/lulled into some sort of illusion that they are smarter than they thought? His fans also have a habit of saying “but you haven’t heard ALL his lectures… if you had, what he was saying would make sense” - come on. Surely something of his has to be able to stand on it’s own. 

I mean what the fuck does this mean?

one last meme before bed http://pic.twitter.com/KQQkPTRYAq

— Jordan B Peterson (@jordanbpeterson) July 25, 2017

To be fair though, somehow I guess it's possible you've stuck to his .. I dunno..mythology, psychology lectures which are supposed to be better....but still, how are you unaware of his crazy side? The side that's made him rich and famous? 

Peterson is a top earner on Patreon making over 55K *a month* (remember this number) last time I checked…which he’s planning to use to launch an online university, to influence more young minds into his way of thinking. 

I just googled him right now and came across a reddit thread asking whether he was a prophet, because he’s turning Western Civilization back to Christianity….FFS.. this guy’s following is legitimately creepy. 

This is the person who thinks college SJWs are bad, but is upset that Disney’s Frozen is *propaganda*… 

Why...you ask? 

Because it showed that two female characters did not need a man to be successful. (h/t @21logician) 

Heaven forbid we indoctrinate our kids into evil-leftist-feminist-cultural-marxist-postmodernism. 

Shameful Disney…don’t you know that all female characters should need a MAN….that’s how God intended it after all. 

No wonder he’s spooked by the Trans Agenda of jailing him for mistakenly saying the wrong pronoun some day. Poor guy. 

This man is in charge of teaching young minds. And with his own online postmodernism-proof university he will be more influential than before, 'radicalizing' more people. Alarming. 

***

He also has some very disturbing ideas about sex. In his mind the left encourages ‘sexual predation’ by saying that sex is for pleasure and you can have it when you want…we should allow any form of sexual expression and not discriminate against any of them. But at the SAME TIME they want to jail men who make unwanted sexual advances. 

Yes Peterson, its called consent. We can have free sexual expression and consent simultaneously .. this isn’t hard. 

how the hell can you have free sexual expression and also not rape people http://pic.twitter.com/AWM0gu7rHR

— Tom Bloke (@21logician) February 13, 2017

And who's he discussing this with? None other than Stefan Molyneux - known extreme misogynist who blames women for all evil in the world, crazy conspiracist and racist. 

This isn’t the first time i’ve heard Peterson rail against casual sex. If I close my eyes, It’s almost like I’m back in Saudi Arabia. 

everything is so fucking melodramatic with this dude. if you don't do sex and procreation his way you're getting ENSLAVED @jordanbpeterson http://pic.twitter.com/lawOmTOxlm

— Tom Bloke (@21logician) December 18, 2016

***

Which brings me to the JBP lecture clip I watched, that all this build up is for:

What. The. Fuck. Did I just see/hear, and what decade am I in… one can forget they exist in 2017 and not 1950 while listening to Peterson. The fact he’s giving lectures like this to young people and they aren’t laughing him out of the room, means that there are some real regressive people out there who want to take us back in time, and hey guess what.. these ones aren’t on the left. 

It's horrifying how popular he is. 

So the video is posted, not by him but some other YT user (called biased asshole lol) and titled “Peterson on Western Women”. 

I’m already gritting my teeth, I hit play… despite the warning from my ancestral spirits, and my crystal palace is crumbling before me, letting the howling winds in. I offer myself to god as a sacrifice...but alas, it's too late. 

At the start of his talk, there’s the obligatory mention of declining birthrates of course, civilization is failing because women are working more procreating less. This is the stuff that endears him to the #TradLife Alt Right nutters. 

This is the woman from his Western Civilization podcast appearance.

(screenshot via @vinikako)

(screenshot via @vinikako)

This young mom is the face of Mormonism's Hateful Alt Right. Full article here

Next in the lecture, Peterson questions why women would want positions of power at all. I’m paraphrasing here, 

‘ladies... trust me you don’t want these powerful positions, men are crazy to have ‘em in the first place… but you know how men are lulz….crazy hardworking and competitive. You also don’t want powerful positions because extra money doesn’t help, and billion dollar corporations are reaaaally complicated to run ok? There are lawsuits, and you have to travel a lot. & shit Just…trust me ladies u don’t wanna get involved in this mess.”

7:29 (now this is an actual quote I’m no longer paraphrasing) he continues on to deter women from wanting positions of power 

“If you’re half crazy and you have a lot of money, you’re going to be crazy a lot faster I can tell you, because it frees you from all sorts of constraints”

[some weak excuse abt how lottery winners are unhappy and if u are prone to a drug problem, then the money will just speed it up]

THIS IS ONE OF PATREON’S TOP EARNERS FFS. What business does he have telling women that money is no good and will just make you crazy. He makes 55K a fucking month. 

This shit continues:

7:46 “being broke stops you from dying if you’re a cocaine addict” ok JBP ..lol...you’re realllllly trying hard to stop women from having careers here. 

7:56 “If somebody dumped an infinite amount of money on you what makes you think you wouldn’t unravel completely?”  - is he describing himself? 

(Click to enlarge)

9:30 “The older I get the more I understand marriage and family are of primary importance” - yeah ok.. I think we get it. #TradLife

9:32 - "The more I see women in particular, they hit 35-40 …and they’re not married…and they don’t have kids…and they are not happy. Cuz what the hell are you gonna do from the time you’re 40 till the time you’re 80?! You got no family… you got no relationships? What are you gonna do?! Go run your company?!!! Yeah well… if you’re 1 in a 1000 that will satisfy you.”

LMAO Peterson, you nutjob. If someone just says this shit in Urdu or Arabic, it will be no different than the mullahs who are afraid of women being empowered and independent. More polished sure, but he is a professor at one of Toronto’s best universities after all. This is an embarrassment. I mean, he should be far off from Mullah-rhetoric, not spouting essentially polished versions of the anti-woman turds that come out of their mouths. Having babies isn’t the only thing that gives women meaning, purpose or happiness in their lives, you absolute dinosaur. And there are other forms of relationships out there. My dad is way more progressive than you, and I’m certain he’s a lot older..heck so is my granddad. 

The idea that running a company would be satisfying to a woman...as opposed to raising children is simply unfathomable to him, no wonder he spends his time freaking out about this (and pronouns) in 2017 because he’s unable to adjust to modernity. I got news, there are other things women do aside from having kids. They are complete human beings even without kids….imagine that! 

I mean this is some serious insecurity around women succeeding. And lets not forget his bullet points for men:

Hmm. 

***

11:22 - Then we get into the “yeah women have it rough but you do live 8 years longer, so thats not trivial…TESTOSTERONE IS KILLING MEN.” (emphasis mine)

“Men do almost all the dangerous jobs and outside work. There’s lots of reasons that men get paid more than women that have *nothing to do with prejudice*” - ok by this point in the video I’m laugh-crying. This is so ridiculous….

“each sex has it’s own unfairness to deal with, but to think of that as a consequence of the social structure….come on really?!"

*lolz guys…there’s plenty of injustice to go around, men do all the hard work around here, why do you whiny women think its some sort of systemic thing, sexism is a leftist cultural marxist myth* 

The video ends on note of JBP saying there’s no gratitude for how far we’ve come because we aren’t outside all day lifting rocks and shit. I kid you not. 

Sexism isn’t real because bad things happen to everyone, and we are no longer lifting rocks. So quit yer whining cultural marxist feminists….do what you were actually put here to do and fulfill your life’s role, make some babies…otherwise what are you even doing with your life. Money sucks (for you), positions of power are way too hard (for you ladies). K thanks bye. Donate to my patreon. 

Lecture summed up right there. (Ok he didn't actually plug his patreon there)

According to his logic he should be grateful about how privileged he is to earn so much and be a professor and quit *his* whining about cultural marxism and postmodernist SJWs...because you know, he's not out there lifting rocks and shit. 

*The Truth* about Jordan Peterson is...he's full of shit and he's dangerously bridging the gap between the far right and the mainstream...and young people are falling for it. 

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