#Like you can always tell who just like. Isn't normal about other trans ppl

[johannestevans]

I know ppl can't help it but fuck me, I've seen so many angry or sad posts this week where the person is obsessing over some issue that's literally not an issue BC it makes them feel less lonely

"ugh this is the wrong kind of trans person to do this thing that I also do" babe please get some friends. Drink a hot chocolate. Have some sex. Listen to a podcast you like. Have a bath

Literally do anything other than litigating in your head like, the reason this other random half-invented trans person doesn't have it as bad as you

They don't matter, their life doesn't and won't affect you, please be kind to yourself and just stop obsessing over them and go do anything else

"but my life is so much worse than--" yeah so do something about that! You can't make that persons life worse by complaining or obsessing about it, but you can do yourself a kindness or two!

[tirfpikachu]

replied to a fellow gyn's post about this already but... i actually really love seeing gnc women embrace typically female names. it's so easy to assume we must use typically male names the second we start being seen as not "womanly" enough in how we dress/act, especially if we're sapphic too. we need to fully take on the Male Role and anything female-coded doesn't suit us anymore. but honestly, i love seeing gnc women have traditionally female names & gnc men with traditionally male names, and have them just be like "so what?" because it shows that people with those names CAN be gnc. people with those clothes/behaviors/etc really CAN be normies.

they don't need to conform to whatever bullshit gender roles their sex is associated with. of course ppl can change names if it makes them happiest, i myself did for a while, but i feel like it's not talked about often enough how badass it is to see a she/her gnc woman who still shrugs off being female, or a confident feminine guy who is still a dude. seeing ppl's eyes widen when they realize that female ppl who aren't trans really CAN look and act like that, and male ppl who aren't trans CAN be feminine and still be cool with their sex at birth, and not even have it be a gay thing either. it's a uniquely radical way to be gnc too. those folks still experience gncphobia, a unique kind of sexism and people can't be like "oh yeah they're trans/gay... THAT'S why they're so unwomanly/unmanly! otherwise it'd just be weird haha!" which makes more sense in their tiny sexist brains.

it's 100% cool to tie your sexuality to your gender nonconformity in some ways, but imo it's also really fucking cool to see a gnc woman who isn't gnc bc she's gay or trans or whatever. same with a gnc dude. you ofc can be gnc and distance yourself from male/female-typical things if it makes you happier, that's cool too. but people who don't are also amazing in a unique kinda way. because current society thinks breaking outside your box means there's something different about you. they see masculinity or the lack of femininity and think female things/terms "just don't suit you." they see femininity on a male body and assume it must say you're different. that it must mean you want to be seen as a woman, it must mean you want the world to see you as unmanly. but when you tell them that no, being a man and wearing sparkly shit and skirts doesn't make you less likely to identify as not a man, or more likely to be gay bc it's a "womanly" thing to be feminine... when you say no, it just means you like sparkles and skirts just so happen to be comfy for you... it breaks their little brain. when you're female and aren't dysphoric about it, aren't trying to distance yourself from femaleness at all, yet you STILL allow your body to be naturally hairy and you wear things that aren't skin-tight or wear unfeminine pants and boxers bc you don't have to worry about showing your ass while doing normal human shit, or that you'd rather spend your time cuddling your pet bunny and watching dumb reality tv in the morning instead of spending half an hour before work doing makeup and wearing hyperfem bullshit and microanalyzing your appearance, now THAT threatens the patriarchy in its own way too.

if being gnc isn't just a trans thing anymore, isn't just a gay/bi thing anymore, that means the foundations of the heteropatriarchy aren't as solid as bio men and brainwashed female folks would like to believe they are and even their OWN camp are fighting against it. when we make being gnc accessible to all and have it say fuckall about someone other than what clothes they like to wear or behaviors they like to do... that makes the patriarchy sweat in ways it's not used to. there's lots of ways to go against it, but it's always super refreshing for me as a gnc dyke to see some gnc folks not distance themselves from being male/female. and as a lesbian, i actually fucking love seeing gnc cis/bio hetero men & women too. feminine men and unfeminine women, metrosexuals/femboys and tomboys or whatever society wants to call y'all. i want being gnc to be an anti-sexist movement that overlaps with lgbt rights but also has its own spaces. i want being gnc to be shrugged off as being totally big deal, and have it say nothing about somebody, have it not be weaponized against gnc women and teach gnc boys they don't need to "man up" or whatever the fuck. i want people to be gnc in whatever way they want. this ain't the only way to rage against the machine, but it's a form of expression i feel like isn't celebrated enough. anyone facing gncphobia in their day-to-day lives is badass as hell <3

[simplepotatofarmer]

Hi! Sorry if this is a bit deep and ramble-y but it’s just something that’s been on my mind. Have you ever doubted defending dream?

Sometimes I feel like I’m wrong for feeling bad for him. I feel like I get where some ppl are coming from when they say why they hate him but then am horrified by what they do with that hatred.

I keep telling myself that it’s normal to feel empathy for someone that you could see was facing a lot of shit. I felt bad for him in April, but also felt bad for feeling bad because everyone was saying how he was a horrible person who deserved horrible things. Looking back, and reading some ppls reflections on it, it’s much more obvious how April specifically was just an obscene hate campaign, but even then I have moments of doubt just because of how universal the idea of dream always being in the wrong seems to be, especially in this community.

Even with the most recent incident, where I did step away for a while, I felt bad for him and his friends for the things their fans were doing. But then I also felt bad for feeling bad because so many ppl on here say that the extreme means are necessary.

Even though I am more of a causal fan, I don’t want to live in an echo chamber and I think the ppl in the fandom who I do follow (like you) are pretty rational about everything. I’ve tried following other ppl but there’s just this everpresent hatred of him that I don’t like seeing everyday on my dash. But I again feel wrong for feeling that way. It’s all just frustrating.

i was going to sleep but this is actually a really important ask, in my humble opinion.

the short answer is no.

the long answer is absolutely not, i've never regretted defending him over the things i have defended him over because even if he was a terrible person and not like, a dude none of us know personally who is not perfect and makes mistakes and is sometimes a fucking idiot, those would still be things i would defend him for.

defending someone against absolutely vile queerphobia is never something i'd regret because it's quite simply just the right thing to do. erasing someone's identity because you don't like them is wrong, point blank. blair white or caitlynn jenner are no less deserving of respect as trans women than any other woman.

defending dream against ableism is always gonna be the right thing because you don't have to be a good person to deserve not to be treated awfully due to your neurodivergence.

and like, there's been things i've defended dream on where i don't completely agree with him. i think he's been a little baby sometimes when it comes to mcc but when people were saying shit like he was '''manipulating''' us and noxcrew because he said he didn't want to play in mcc if he had to play buildmart, yeah i'm going to point out that's a batshit take. someone venting and being frustrated isn't manipulation, he was just throwing a tantrum. touch grass yada yada.

and when it comes to my belief that people can be racist in the past and change, that still applies! i still think dream actively tried to be better! he grew up in a bigoted environment, is open about his racist past (and fucking uses the word racist/bigoted, thank god) and is actively working to be better.

that's always going to be true and frankly, i think it's not only weird but extremely telling that a LOT of white people who had formerly defended him suddenly switched up. it just shows that it was never about the harm done and poc but whether or not you liked some white boy.

but i digress.

the thing is, anon, i get why you feel this way. this fandom and online culture as a whole lately is wrought with the belief that consumption of media is a reflection of your morals. that consuming the right media and being a fan of the right sort of person is akin to activism.

it's not. it doesn't fucking matter. there's no righteousness in hating dream. you can certainly be valid in hating him! there's a lot of reasons to dislike him or hate him or feel he shouldn't have a platform. i might not agree with it all but i can see it.

the problem is.... i see why you feel like this and that is genuinely so sad and messed up because how did we get to the point where queerphobia or ableism or body shaming is totally okay as long as it's a certain group and to where people doubt themselves when they think it's wrong! it is wrong but i completely understand why anyone would second guess themselves.

as it stands right now, i don't regret it because i feel it's right. i'm always going to feel it's right.

if something comes out tomorrow and it turns out that it really is more than some instagram dms and the questionable choice of giving out his private snapchat, then i won't be defending him.

but i still wouldn't regret any of my past defense because my defense isn't conditional, my belief that people can grow isn't conditional, and my opinion on things like fandom's queerphobia and misuse of terms like 'grooming' would still stand.

[seraphinashaw]

Hi! I forgot my original question but I guess I'll ask you some other things 💚

❥ Do you like Melanie Martinez? If so, what's your favorite album/song?

❥ What's your favorite color? >:D <3 (Mines Green, purple and yellow :>)

❥ What's your opinion on the group? (Killian, Julius, Seamus, Kelly, etcetera)

❥ What's the worst part of being a woman? (I LOVE how you're trans! I'm a natural born woman and I rlly wanna be a boy. But I WANNA HEAR WOMAN FROM YOUR POV, DEAR <3)

SMALL RANT ON WHAT I LUV ABT YOU <<33

I LOVE your albinism! I love people that are albino, have vitiligo, etcetera! They're so eye-catching and so are you! You're absolutely gorgeous and I 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 your clothing choice!

Smash. You're just- SO BEAUTIFUL AND BADASS AND I LOOOOVVVVEEEEE YOUUUUU!!!!!!!

☆ Have an amazing day/night!!!! ☆

✫ ℳℯ𝒾ℳℯ ✫

omg hi babes xx so many questions 4 me!! 😳 sry if i get a wee bit incoherent i'm still hung over 😹😹 i'll do my best to answer ❤ this might get long just cuz of the amount of questions asked LMAO

i've known about mel from the start, but to be real and controversial here i'm not rly interested in her music? like it just isn't rly my style i don't like it very much LMAO, it's kinda um... teenager music 2 me, sorry if ur a fan lol. i do think she has a nice voice tho

as 4 my fav colour.... have 1 look at my wardrobe choices and notice the only colour i wear other than black 😹 i'm a purple girl all the way 😼 i like matching my eye colour LOL

the other girlies are crazy LMAOOO they definitely took some getting some used 2. i'm used 2 being the crazy one but they make me look normal 😭😭 2 be real with u i thought killian was cishet at first... 💀 and he got RLY mad when he learned of this 😹 (can u blame me tho? he literally is into ancient rome and his misogyny is smth else 💀) as for julius, um. he gave me free gender affirming surgery and did a good fucken job sooo legally i can't say anything bad 😹 he is like a bestie 2 me, even if he doesn't acknowledge anybody as a friend LMAO. seamus and kelly are rly smth else too, i love hanging w/ them cuz there's always smth mad going on w them😹😹

the worst part of being a woman, mmm. the underboob sweat 😹 jk sorryyy LMAO. i can tell u as some1 who's presented as male b4 that ppl def are much, much nicer and more lenient w/ u whenever ur a man. i also need 2 be more cautious ig now that i pass as female? cuz men LOVE 2 try pulling things w/ me thinking i'm 'vulnerable' and all that. i have stood strong tho, i haven't rly had too many problems myself cuz i'm a bad bitch, and they never know what's coming 😼 if u decide 2 transition 1 day ull prolly notice the opposite will happen 2 u, i hear this from transmasc ppl at least.

girll u rlly made my day with this 😽 keep this up and ull make me blush LMAO. thank u tho 😌 i kno i'm hot and cool but the reminder is always welcome 😼

u have a good day 2 babes xx

[z0mbie-bab3zzz]

THISSS THISSSS IS BEAUTIFUL!!! THIS IS WHY I MAKE AN EFFORT TO BE THE CHILLEST TRANNY EVER WHEN PPL HAVE QUESTIONS. The average cis person usually just Doesn't Know this stuff bcoz they don't live it and society tells them it's wrong to seek out that information or whatever!! I absolutely love it when my cis friends get that funny sort of embarrassed look on their face and say 'hey.. is it okay if I ask you a question?' Like YES ALWAYS I LOVE YOU FOR ASKING!!!

I will never dull my queerness to make people comfortable, it's healthy to be a little uncomfortable sometimes, then i will do everything in my power to make them feel comfortable educating themselves. When they get the courage to show their curiosity they then Can become someone who says "hey my friend/coworker/family member/classmate is trans, I sort of understand" that's how allies are made babyyy

Like health care workers who took care of my dad this past week, two mentioned that they had trans family members when my dad talked about the discrimination he had faced from their coworkers, they had compassion and wanted to make him feel safer, they stood up for him. Others just listened and either didn't know what to do with that info bcoz they don't know who was 'in the wrong' or actively didn't care bcoz they had their own distant negative ideas of what trans is and wanted nothing to do with it, maybe even thought it was deserved.

It also helps people's world views and views of themselves when they realize the neat boxes they are put into with gender and sexuality are purely cultural, mostly harmful, and can be taken apart to be whatever they want and that cis and het isn't the default.

Normalizing requires not hiding, being bold and tough and just a little bit in your face about our queerness, but it also requires Patience and Gentleness and Humor!!!!!

Yes sometimes they know a little bit already and get upset when hearing words or concepts they thought queers considered problematic but I love explaining the concepts of reclaiming and the idea of this post, that everyone defines themselves differently and used different language, and someone who supports the community whole heartedly but has "off" ideas or language about it are much better than people who are dividing the community over semantics or fucking whatever!!

"The trannies should be able to piss in whatever toilet they want and change their bodies however they want. Why is it my business if some chick has a dick or a guy has a pie? I'm not a trannie or a fag so I don't care, just give 'em the medicine they need."

"This is an LGBT safe space. Of COURSE I fully support individuals who identify as transgender and their right to self-determination! I just think that transitioning is a very serious choice and should be heavily regulated. And there could be a lot of harm in exposing cis children to such topics, so we should be really careful about when it is appropriate to mention trans issues or have too much trans visibility."

One of the above statements is Problematic and the other is slightly annoying. If we disagree on which is which then working together for a better future is going to get really fucking difficult.

[femmesandhoney]

It's okay if you ignore this or what-not- but I need to get this off my chest.

I feel like the internet has really messed up a lot of peoples perceptions, obviously. I feel like male at birth ppl should not be included in lesbianism, as their sex is male. It makes me feel two faced though, because I don't care if an female at birth is a lesbian, even if they identify as non-binary. I can't even mention this on most online spaces, as people will just jump to calling you a terf, transphobe, try to dox you, etc.

I've even grown a but of resentment towards trans ppl- and not for being trans, but for invading women's safe spaces and demanding changes in communities that dont need it. Ive never seen a post about, "trans inclusive language" regarding men, but there's thousands for women. Women are reduced down to uterus haver, birth giver, etc, while men are just men, not sperm haver, etc.

I guess the whole point of this is, am I a bad person? I feel like shit for the way I've changed my thinking after exploring feminism, radfem, lesbianism, and everything else.

hi anon, thanks for trusting me with this message. as a person who "peaked" only a few months ago, this feeling is still fresh in my head on how i felt when i began looking into radical feminism after feeling resented in liberal spaces for being a lesbian. if you want a psychological understanding of what is happening, you're having attitude changes. "Inconsistency begets attitude change...when important cognitions collide, the attitude destabilizes, and some aspect usually caves". we as humans do not like being inconsistent with our beliefs or attitudes, we like feeling as if we have always known what we have known and have never had major changes. we are always striving to be consistent, we have discomfort if we are not. subsequently we either change our attitude or behavior, and it's easier to change an attitude than a behavior in most cases.

here's the thing though: your attitudes do not predict your behavior. it's honestly a weak link between them. while behavior can influence attitude changes and vice versa, i do not think exploring radical feminism or agreeing with it is turning you into a "bad person". what you're feeling is the discomfort of confusion between attitudes towards radical feminism and liberal feminism for lack of a better separation—because as always things are always more complicated than this surface explanation—so you're feeling dissonance.

but what you're also realizing is you have the facts and always have. you know sex is real, you know sexuality is real, you can see the very obvious harm a lot of trans activism has wrecked on LGB spaces. those aren't invisible, intangible things and you obviously know that. that's why you feel "two faced" when in the liberal spaces, because you recognize some of your attitudes don't align with what the group around you holds.

i cannot tell you which attitude is "right" and how you "should" proceed because there isn't really a step by step way to resolve your dissonance other than attitude/behavior changes. and i cannot change your attitude or behavior for you. you also don't need to break anything down to "radical vs liberal" feminism as I did to showcase what I was talking about. you don't have to be a radical feminist to believe what you have described to me in the ask. i think you're a perfectly normal person searching for information to form an opinion about something so you can rationalize what you see happening around you in liberal spaces.

i will also tell you, that radfems are always open to questions about our beliefs and that there are hundreds upon hundreds of informational posts on blogs and tags that you can go to for guides. again you're not a bad person and i hope my lengthy run down of the psychological factors behind what you're experiencing might help you understand and feel more in control.