#Like usually I eat 4-6 pm but that’s not happening so I just find some cereal or something

[rotzaprachim]

Actually slept properly last night after forcing myself to make a schnitzel, salad, smoothie dinner which was an ordeal as I didn’t even want to turn the stove on till 8pm so like. That’s the thing huh. Just the heat fucks the metabolism up. If I have any advice I need to take myself it’s that I’d you’re feeling realllly bad and not sleeping well, take a look at the last like. 5 days and figure out if you’ve properly consumed food (proteins, veggies etc) and not just kind of snacked

[janeyseymour]

Hey an idea for an epilogue to Love Thy Neighbor would be cool to see how they're doing maybe a year later when they've been living together for a while, or when they tell everyone else at Abbott that they're together. No pressure obviously, love the story!

your wish is my command, llama.

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4. Part 5. Part 6. Part 7. Part 8. Part 9. Part 10. Part 11. Part 12.

Ousted

Summary: the crew finds out that you and Melissa are dating, and have been for quite some time.

WC: ~2.45k

Since Jared’s arrest with the police three months, a lot has happened. Ellie has only continued to grow and flourish into a beautiful seven year old (Melissa absolutely spoiled your daughter on her seventh birthday, claiming that she had six years of birthdays to make up for), you were able to get restraining orders in place against your husband while also getting all of the child support the bastard owed you and then some (thanks to your girlfriend’s connections), and you had moved into the apartment across the hall and in with the redhead of your dreams.

Ellie absolutely loves living with Melissa, although not much has changed even then. Before the three of you lived together, the redhead was often over at your apartment, and your daughter could usually find the two of you in bed sleeping in as much as you could with the little girl running around on Saturday mornings. You still take her the park consistently, and almost all of her routines are the same as they were when you lived in the apartment across the hall. Nevertheless, it doesn’t make your heart absolutely swell when your now seven year old proudly announces, “Mel! I’m home!” on the rare occasion that you and Ellie venture out without your girlfriend before sprinting to wherever the redhead is in the apartment and launching herself into Melissa’s arms.

What hasn’t changed is that only Barbara knows that the two of you are involved romantically. Everybody else just believes that the two of you are quite close and that you carpool to work because you live in the same apartment complex. It’s not that you’re hiding your romantic relationship- it’s just that you’ve never actually bumped into anybody outside of work because while they’re going out to bars, you’re at home or at the park with your girlfriend and daughter. Neither of you are particularly touchy at school either, so while you hold hands at the park or Melissa will set her chin on your shoulder at home, your work crew doesn’t see those soft, warm moments.

But today is terrible for you. You wake up with a groan, and your hand immediately flies to your lower stomach. PMS really is a bitch for you, and it doesn’t matter how many pills you’re on to try to combat those pains. Motherhood doesn’t stop though, and you go to roll out of bed to wake Ellie for school.

But a gentle hand stops you. “I got her today,” Melissa tells you in her deep morning voice. She sits up and runs a hand through her hair before making her way out of the bedroom and into your daughter’s. You hear Ellie squeal with delight at the sight of your girlfriend, and you can’t help the smile that washes over your face.

You know you have to get out of bed though. Work calls, and with the substitute shortage that seems to never end you know you should be there for your kids- even if it means teaching from your chair with the heating pad pressed up against your body nearly all day. So you roll out and get dressed as quickly as you can before heading into the bathroom to fix your face and ridiculous bedhead.

When you make your way into the kitchen, your girlfriend and your daughter are already eating breakfast and there’s a plate and mug of coffee just the way you like it in your spot. There’s also a glass of water, a few pills, and a hot water bottle waiting for you.

“Good morning,” you sigh as you take your place. Melissa immediately leans over and kisses your cheek. Ellie follows suit.

“Good morning, Momma,” your little girl squeaks out through a mouthful of egg.

You smile over at her before reaching for the medication and downing it with a gulp of water. The hot water bottle gets placed where you’re hurting the most, and you groan in discomfort as you pick up your fork.

“That bad, huh?” the redhead looks at you, clearly concerned at the amount of pain you’re in.

“I’ll be fine,” you grumble. “Just don’t let me forget the heating pad when we leave today.”

Melissa gives you a look of pity before finishing off her breakfast. She clears her spot at the dining room table before glancing to your daughter. “Go be a good girl and get ready for school on your own today?”

Ellie finishes off the last of her breakfast and races for her room.

“And brush your hair the right way, El!” your girlfriend calls after her. Ellie’s giggles can be heard from her room.

“Thank you,” you say quietly. “I don’t know if I could’ve handled getting her up and ready today.”

“Take it easy today, okay?” she tells you before kissing the top of your head. “I’ll take care of El today. All of you have to worry about today is getting through.”

The three of you are out of the apartment and in the car much faster than you had anticipated. And of course, you forgot the heating pad in your bedroom as you head out for the day, your mind only on the hot water bottle in your clutch. You only realize that once you’re in the staff lounge sipping on your second cup of coffee for the day.

“Fuck,” you whisper to yourself, but of course Melissa hears you. So does Ellie.

“Momma, you said a bad word,” your little girl scolds you.

“Momma forgot the heating pad today,” you groan as you hold your stomach.

Ellie purses her lips into a fine line, as does your girlfriend. “Oh.”

“Shit, I’m sorry I forgot to remind you,” the redhead places a gentle hand on your shoulder as she apologizes. “I’ll run back home and pick it up during prep today.”

“You don’t have to do that,” you sigh back. “I can survive the next eight hours.

You indeed, are barely surviving by the time your prep comes around, and your kids head off to their special class without you there to escort them down the halls. They make their way through the building silently, knowing how much you hate when they chatter in the hallways and wanting to make you proud. Of course, on her way back from dropping her own class off, Melissa runs into your class. She finishes taking them down to the music room before making her way into your classroom.

“Y/N? Hun?” your girlfriend knocks on the doorframe lightly, and the sight in front of her nearly breaks her heart. Your curled up in your desk chair as a few tears make their way down your face.

You brush away at your tears quickly, praying she hadn’t seen them. “Hey.”

She makes her way into your room, closing the door behind you. “Babe, are you really hurting that bad?”

You just nod. “I forgot the heating pad, my water bottle is cold, and I thought I had Midol here, but I was wrong.”

“Honey, I can run-”

“You’re not running home and missing your prep period because I’m an idiot,” you groan. “I’ll be fine.”

“At least let me heat up your water bottle for you.” She holds out her hand, expecting you to put the object in her hand.

You sigh in reluctance before giving it to her. “Thank you.”

“I’ll just be a few minutes. Do you need anything else?”

You shake your head. Melissa peers into your coffee mug, which is relatively empty, before plucking it off your desk and heading down the hall for the staff lounge. 

She returns a few minutes later, and you give her a grateful smile. She presses a quick kiss to your temple before she pulls a chair up next to yours and starts on her grading as her free hand gently rubs your back. With the warmth of her hand and the bottle pressed up against you, you manage to doze off. You only wake when she shakes your shoulder gently with an apologetic look.

“Huh?” you grumble as you open your eyes blearily. It takes a second for your eyes to focus again, but when they do she’s standing right in front of you with concern in her own sparkling green eyes.

“Babe, you fell asleep,” she tells you. “Are you really sure you’re okay?”

“Y-yeah,” you hum out as you stretch just slightly from being in a ball for the last thirty minutes. You go to stand to pick up your kids, but your girlfriend stops you.

“I got ‘em,” she promises. She returns with your kids a few minutes later.

By lunch, you’re absolutely drained. Your kids were being well-behaved for the most part, but there’s always shit that you have to deal with when it comes to them. You groan as you make your way down to the staff room, and when you expect to see your girlfriend she isn’t there.

“Anyone seen Melissa?” you ask as you grab your lunch from the refrigerator.

“She just left,” Janine says. “Said something about having to run out, but she’ll be back soon.”

You scowl as you sit down in your spot. You know where she went- home to grab your heating pad and Midol.

“Why?” the second grade teacher asks.

You shrug. “Just curious. She normally beats me in here.”

The redhead comes in about ten minutes later with your heating pad in hand. “Hey.” She plugs it in and hands it to you.

Gregory, Janine, and Jacob all give each other questioning looks. Their looks only grow more confused when you take it from her hastily and press it against your abdomen.

“Melissa, I told you not to go home and get it,” you sigh as the pain starts to go away.

She just shrugs and hands you the bottle of pills she brought from home too. And then she presses a soft kiss to the top of your head before turning to get her own lunch.

That has Jacob and Janine’s mouths fall open.

“Close ‘em,” Melissa quips. “You’ll catch flies.”

“What- what was that?” Jacob points between the two of you frantically. “What was that?!”

Melissa rolls her eyes, but she doesn’t give them the response they’re looking for.

“‘Home’?” Janine searches for words. “A kiss on the head? What is going on here?!”

“We’re dating,” you sigh as your eyes flutter closed.

“Dating?” Gregory asks. “As in… you’re seeing each other romantically?”

“That’s kind of what dating means,” you quip.

“Since when?” Jacob asks. “Mel Mel, I thought we were tight!”

“We are, Jacob,” your girlfriend rolls her striking green eyes again as she sits down next to you. Now that the cat is out of the bag, you pull your chair a bit closer to hers and rest your head on her shoulder.

“Since when?” the man asks again.

Melissa takes a bite of her own lunch. “Officially? About nine months. Unofficially? The day I met Y/N and Ellie.” Your girlfriend looks to her work wife with a smile.

“You knew?!” Janine asks Barbara incredulously.

The kindergarten teacher just laughs. “Melissa is my work wife, of course I knew. Why do you think I’m Auntie Barb whenever Ellie sees me now?”

“Oh my god,” Jacob gasps. “It all makes sense now!”

“What’s the commotion?” Ava asks as she waltzes into the staff room. 

“Y/N and Melissa are dating,” Barbara tells your boss. “And everyone else just found out.”

Ava gives the two of you a look in approval, not that you see it with your eyes still closed. “Does this mean Melissa is now a milf too?”

“Ava,” Melissa warns lowly.

“What?” the principal asks. “We all knew you was hot, but now you’re like a mother- milf!”

“I am Ellie’s mother,” you grumble as you open your eyes to glare at your boss.

Ava gives you a smirk. “And we all done been knew you was a milf.”

“Ava, I swear to God,” you warn. “I am not in the mood for this right now.” You close your eyes again, and that gets your principal to quiet her mouth. It doesn’t get the others to stop asking questions though.

Melissa answers them, mostly shortly, for the rest of lunch. The bell rings, indicating that the lunch period and recess period is over though, and you groan as you remember you have to get through the rest of your afternoon with the kids.

Thankfully, they’re angels for you, and you have no doubt in your mind that your girlfriend gave the class a talking to while she was bringing them back in from outside. 

You head outside a few minutes late to monitor dismissal duty. When you get there, Ellie is already on Melissa’s hip and clinging to her as she animatedly tells the redhead about her day.

“There’s my little girl,” you sigh as you make your way up to them.

“Momma!” your daughter brightens at the sight of you. She reaches for you before remembering that you aren’t in the state where you can really hold her right now while standing up.

“You can cuddle your momma at home,” Melissa promises her. Ellie seems content with that compromise, laying her head down on the second grade teacher’s shoulder. 

Dismissal is over not much longer after that, and the three of you head home. Your girlfriend cooks dinner, you get your daughter to do the worksheet that her teacher sent home, and then you curl up on the couch like you usually do after a long day at work. Ellie snuggles right up to you and promptly falls asleep listening to your heartbeat as she watches her beloved Bluey.

Melissa reaches for the remote and lowers the volume of the television before speaking. “So, how do you feel about the group knowing? About us?”

You shrug against her. “I don’t mind- I’m surprised it took them this long to find out actually, but I’m shocked you ousted us with a kiss to my head.”

“You looked like you needed it,” she tells you before pecking your cheek.

You smile. “I did. And, thank you for bringing me the heating pad, as much as I was annoyed you missed some of your lunch.”

“Anything for my girl,” the redhead chuckles against you. “Think you’ll be feeling at least a little better tomorrow?”

“I doubt it,” you sigh. “You know how I am.”

“I do,” your girlfriend frowns just slightly. “We’ll make sure that we don’t forget the heating pad tomorrow though, yeah?”

You nod against her shoulder.

“And if we do, just know that I’ll run home again for you,” she promises you. 

TAGS, and lmk if you wanna be added! : @schemmentis @thesapphictimelady @marvel210 @itisdoctortoyousir @morgana-larkin @thesamesweetie @doesthatsuggestanythingtoyou @marvels--slut @gwennybriggs @megamultifandomtrashposts @lemz378 @http-sam @melissaschemmentisbranzino @imaginesmultifandoms @sexysapphicshopowner @lilfartbox1 @maybe-a-humanbean @imlike-so-gaydude @sapphicxrat @a-queen-and-her-throne @sunsol-22 @notinmyvocab @melanielaufeyson

[thatfishingseawing]

my schedule as a seawing pearldiver

6:00 AM: wake up rather late to restock at the sea kingdom capital (im not telling you where it is)/OR a nearby town, having slept there overnight. visit all the stands and such, support local businesses. sell the pearls and whatever else i have to whoever buys it, or barter them away for dried fish.

8:00 AM: finish up, and then set out. i can pull the boat from the front using a harness. its rather bulky, but makes it much easier to carry things with me while im out at sea. plus, its a good landmark if any nosey skywings want to drop in and say hello.

9:00 AM: reach the peaceful part of the ocean. no dragons in sight. this is when i begin pearldiving. i drop the rope attached to my boat over the side, and dive under the water. its an extremely long (and rather colourful, since its dyed different hues) rope, so at times i tug it along with me if i need to. most the time i just leave it in place, tie the end of the rope to a piece of coral (i dont like doing that, because it can damage the coral) or shove it under a rock or something.

12:00 PM: usually rest at this point. sometimes i surface every 20 minutes to drop off pearls ive got with me, or other goodies that ive managed to find. some researchers pay a LOT for some old banged up cup i find upended in the sand.

12:30 PM: finish eating lunch. usually dried fish. i dont feel like hunting a lot of the time.

12:45 PM: hang about on my boat in the case that goshawk is on patrol that day. his outpost is sort of close to where i often go. being vague for his safety.

1:45 PM: if goshawk appears, i usually chat with him for an hour before he has to go back. maybe more.

4:00/5:00 PM: if goshawk doesnt show up, then continue pearl diving for another 3~ hours.

6:00 PM: eat dinner. once again, dried meat if i can get it. once, goshawk toasted a bobcat for me. tasted like ash, and also horrible.

7:00 PM: this depends. i either shore up and find a place to sleep on land (bad idea if im near the mud kingdom due to. you know. the war.), or i toss a sea-coloured blanket over my little boat and go sleep underwater and hope no one steals my stuff. its happened before. passing mudwing group got hungry. i wonder how they even made it that far out?? maybe its the power of friendship, or something.

8:30 PM: sleep. sometimes i go visit goshawk's outpost. he has wine. its pretty cool but makes swimming and flying impossible.

10:00 PM: sleep if i've been staying up with goshawk.

and thats it! often times i go restock one or twice a month, more if ive 'packed light', as they say. dunno who says it but someone does.

hope this was an interesting read? let me know if you want more stuff like this. but you have to actually, you know, send an ask about it. im not a mind reading, no matter how mysterious and cool and nightwing-esque i might seem.

hermit crab, signing off.

[timeoverload]

My day wasn't too bad for a Monday. I was a little grumpy this morning but I started feeling better later. I was trying not to get annoyed about anything. The worst thing that happened was that I had to put all of the instruments back in the pans that I had peel packed like a week and a half ago since the doctor is back from vacation. It was such a waste of my time to take them out in the first place but whatever. I hope they don't make me do that again or I might complain about it. I only had 6 cases this morning. I didn't look at the schedule when I got there so it was a surprise. I was wondering why they weren't bringing me any more pans to wash but they were done. That was ok with me. I was able to get some stuff done that I had planned on doing last week but things changed so I'm glad I don't have to worry about that now. The afternoon was a little busier but it was tolerable. Cases got done at 4 and I had decontam all cleaned up but then they came to tell me there was an add-on. It was ok because I didn't have to stay late for it. The evening team lead told me he would take care of it so that was nice of him.

I should be getting a raise this week. We are supposed to get them twice a year but I think we will only get one this year. I looked at my sample pay stub to find out how much it is going to be. I didn't know I could do that before I get my check. I think it is going to be 74 cents so I will make $22 and hour. I know I don't have to say how much I make but it doesn't really bother me. I know it's not that impressive. I started out at $11.50. I just discovered that the average pay in the state is $34.45 an hour so I definitely feel like I am getting ripped off. I could be making like $40 an hour in some cities. I shouldn't complain too much because at least they are giving me a raise at all. I do get bonuses twice a year so that helps but the amount varies. As far as I know, the other hospitals in town pay the same or less. I don't want to work at a different hospital here because I don't want to deal with trauma, heart, or brain surgeries because that's more stressful for a lot of reasons. I already have enough stress as it is. I don't understand why the pay is so low when the cost of living here is so high. I guess there's not much I can do about that.

It is so nice to be home. My back isn't bothering me as much as it was yesterday so I'm happy about that. I am feeling pretty relaxed. I did have an energy drink earlier but I ate breakfast and lunch so I didn't feel like shit after drinking it. I get the sugar free monsters because that's all they have. I know they aren't much better for me but I need to stop having so much sugar. My heart hasn't been bothering me and I think it helps that I have been eating a little more and I had time to be lazy for a few days.

I didn't realize that lamotrigine can cause an irregular heart beat so that could explain some of my heart issues. I forgot how many side effects my medication has but it explains some of my problems and why I get confused sometimes. It also can cause irritability and I think that has been more obvious since I increased the dosage. I'm not like that all the time luckily.

I think I was also crabby last week because I had horrible PMS. I don't know why it always surprises me when that happens. I am often wondering why I am so pissed off for no good reason. I just get really angry for a few days a month and I'm not a fan of that but that's just something I have to put up with I suppose. That's usually when I start doing crazy shit. I know it definitely contributes to a lot of my meltdowns. It's good that I am noticing it's an issue and I can try to deal with it. I never realized it was that bad before but maybe I am just paying more attention to it now.

My jewelry was bothering me so bad all day so I had to come home and fix it myself. It only took 2 minutes and I was surprised because I couldn't do it before. I'm glad I don't have to worry about that anymore. I knew I wouldn't be able to get in and talk to a professional for a while anyway. I know people but I can't talk to them yet. I would like to because I want some other piercings at some point but I'm going to have to wait. I wish I could wear my eyebrow piercing but I don't think it looks good with my glasses. I took it out when I started wearing glasses. Maybe I will get contacts someday but I don't think I could handle wearing them all the time.

I feel like I'm rambling but I don't know. I am just tired. I don't have much else to talk about. I don't think I got enough sleep last night. I probably should try to go to bed earlier. I need to try to relax now. Hopefully tomorrow is a good day.

I hope everyone else has a good day tomorrow too. :) 💖💖💖

[megan-loves-surveys]

#27.

　Layer 1: The Basics Name: Megan. Age: 36. Birthday: July 13. Gender: Female. Zodiac sign: Cancer.

　Layer 2: Your Family Do you have any brothers or sisters? I'm an only child, but I do have stepsiblings. Do you have any pets? No. Do you still live with your parents? I live with my Mum. Do you have any stepparents? Yes, a stepmum. How many cousins do you have? 6.

　Layer 3: Your Friends Who is your best friend? Ngawari. Who have you been friends with the longest? Laura, since 1996. Damn 28 years! What do you like to do with your friends? Depends which friend - some friends I go to wrestling shows with, some I just hang out with and Ngawari and I go to the gym together. Do you have more friends online or in real life? It's about equal with people online I actually consider friends.

　Layer 4: Your Home Do you live in a home, apartment, duplex, trailer, etc? House, it has two stories. How many rooms are there in your house? Our entire bottom floor is one big room that has the kitchen and living room in it, and upstairs we have two bedrooms and the bathroom plus a small hallway. Is your home large or small? In between. What is your favorite room in your house, and why? My room. Do you prefer having people over to your house, or would you rather go to theirs? Either is fine.

　Layer 5: Can you… Can you fold your tongue into the taco shape? I dunno xD Can you touch your toes without bending your knees? No. Can you tie a cherry stem in a knot with your tongue? Never tried, but probably not lol. Can you hold up your end of a physical fight? Definitely not, I have a dodgy shoulder. Can you do any yo-yo tricks? No.

　Layer 6: Who Who inspires you the most, and why? Jon Moxley. He was an alcoholic who admitted he had a problem and asked for help. He went to rehab, got better and came back kicking so much ass. It's so inspirational, I love him so much <3 Who do you go to most often for advice? Depends on the problem. Who knows you better than you know yourself? My boyfriend, Who is someone that you would die or put your life on the line for, no questions asked? They know who they are.

　Layer 7: Do you… Do you still eat sandwiches without the crusts? Yes, but I always eat the crust first lol. Do you typically finish your meal at a restaurant, or need to take a container home? I'll always finish it. Do you pull an Oreo apart in order to eat it? Yes. Do you read a lot of gossip magazines? Sometimes. Do you make friends easily? Depends.

　Layer 8: How Many? How many people live in your house with you? 1. How many pets have you had in your lifetime? Literally 1 lol. How many meals do you eat a day? Depends, usually 2 cos I don't eat breakfast much.

　Layer 9: How How do you typically get to school or work? Most of the time I get the bus, but sometimes my boyfriend drops me off. How do you deal with a breakup? I do loads of fun stuff and hang out with my friends and distract myself. How do you like to help others? Depends. How do you sleep in bed? I sleep on my back cos of my bad shoulder, it means I can't sleep on my side.

　Layer 10: What What do you think happens when we die? Nothing. What toys did you enjoy most as a child? Barbies, Lego, a doll that was as big as me etc. What do you do if you witness someone being awful to someone else? It really depends on what is happening.

　Layer 11: Where Where is your favorite place to eat out? If I want fast food, then KFC. A restaurant, either Denny's or Porterhouse Grill. Where is the place that has the best ice cream in your area? Not sure. Where did you meet your current or last significant other? We met outside his house while I was jogging lol. Where can you be found at 7 PM., typically? That's when I eat dinner usually! Where can you find the best French fries? KFC, that salt they use is soooo good.

　Layer 12: When When did you find out the truth about Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy? I have no clue actually. When do you typically fall asleep? I go to bed around 12:30 - 1am usually. When was the last time that someone paid you a compliment? My boyfriend is always complimenting me haha. When do you feel most comfortable? Depends.

　Layer 13: Why Why do you enjoy taking surveys so much? I like answering questions lol. Why aren’t you doing something else right now? Cos it's Saturday night and I'm bored. My boyfriend isn't around tonight, he's gone to see his son so I have nothing to do xD

　Layer 14: If… If you had a million dollars, what would you spend it on? I'd travel. A lot. And pay off my student loan xD If you found out someone was cheating on you, would you ever take them back? Probably not, but it depends. If you found a wallet with cash in the street, including identification, would you turn it in? Why or why not? Yes. Cos I think if they can't track the person down, you get the money, no? If you could have any food right now, what would you like? I don't want anything atm cos I just ate some Cheetos haha. If you found out that the world was going to end tomorrow, how would you spend your last day? I hate this question.

　Layer 15: Firsts When did you lose your first tooth? No idea. Who was your first teacher that you ever had? I don't remember her name. When did you first learn how to ride a bike? I never got off training wheels. FAIL lol. When was the first time you had sex? I was 14. Did your first birthday have a theme to it? No idea, the first birthday I remember was my 5th, I had a clown at it xD

　Layer 16: Lasts Last person you texted: My boyfriend, I was asking him what he had for dinner with his son. Last drink you sipped: Water. Last time you rode a bike: A proper bike, when I was a kid. But I rode an exercise bike at the gym today xD Last time you swam in a pool: Ages ago. Last person you hugged: My Dad.

　Layer 17: Favorites Favorite color: Purple. Favorite season: Summer. Favorite shape: Heart. Favorite letter: M. Favorite number: 13.

　Layer 18: This or That Pepsi or Coke? Coke. Movies or television? TV. Phone or tablet? Phone, cos I don't use my iPad anymore. Fruits or vegetables? Both. Animals or humans? Both.

　Layer 19: Which Which Pokemon is your favorite? LUXRAY. He is my bae <3 Which day of the week is your favorite? Friday. Which birthday celebration was the most memorable for you? My 21st for a good one, and my 30th for a bad one. Which holiday is your favorite? Christmas. Which shoe do you put on first? Left.

　Layer 20: Love Life/Relationships1 What is the name of your first love? Will. How many times can you honestly say you’ve been in love? 1. Have you ever been in a relationship before that was abusive in any way? No. Have you ever been engaged or married before? No. Do you have any children? No.

　Layer 21: Jobs, Dreams, & Goals What did you want to be when you grew up (as a little kid)? Flight attendant or popstar xD What do you aspire to be now? What interests you? I always wished I went into law. What is the most recent goal you’ve achieved? Losing weight. What is a goal you are still striving to reach? Publish a book. Have you ever won any sort of awards before? If so, for what? I participated in a English competition as a kid and I scored in the top 1% of every student in NZ and Australia.

　Layer 22: Opinions & Beliefs Pro-life or pro-choice? Pro-choice. Were you raised with any sort of religious background? If so, then what? No. Democrat, Republican, or Independent? No idea, I'm not American. For or against the death penalty? I really don't know. Thoughts on assisted suicide? I voted for it to become legal when they did the referendum.

　Layer 23: Currently/Today/Present What day is it? April 13, it's Saturday. What’s the weather like outside? Today it was very changeable - it was sunny, it was windy, it was rainy, it was cool, it was warm. Right now it seems like the wind has died down a bit. What have you eaten? I had a Starbucks frappe, a banana and then dinner which was potato salad, ham, bread, boiled eggs, pineapple and cheese. Then later on I had some Cheetos and some Maltesers. Did you run any errands? No. What time is it? 10:53pm.

　Layer 24: Yesterday Did you have a work shift? Yes, I worked from 9am to 3pm. Did you eat out anywhere? Yes, I met my Mum for lunch cos my boss told me to take a longer lunch (love him!) - we went to a café and I had poached eggs, hashbrowns and toast. Was it snowing? It doesn't snow where I live, plus even if it did it's too warm atm. Who did you last say goodnight to? My boyfriend, via text. Did anything unusual happen? I was at work, cos I don't usually work on Fridays, I switched shifts this week.

　Layer 25: Tomorrow Do you have to go to school/class? No, it's Sunday and I don't work weekends. Does this day have any sort of significance to you? No. What is a chore that needs to get done? Nothing. Will you hang out with friends? No. What time will you be expected to be awake by? No set time, I'll prob wake up at like 10 or so.

　Layer 26: Have You Ever Performed a magic trick successfully? No. Sat or laid on a rooftop and looked at the stars? No. Walked around with your underwear on inside out or backwards all day without realizing it? Not that I know of xD Touched a snake? There isn't snakes in NZ. Been bitten by an animal? If so, what animal? By a cat for sure.

　Layer 27: School Life Are preschool and kindergarten mandatory where you live? I actually don't know lol. Were you or anyone you knew homeschooled? Yes, this girl I went to school with, her sisters were homeschooled but she wasn't for some reason. How odd. Did you attend public or private school? Public. Were you bullied in school, popular, or somewhere in-between? In between. What is the highest level of education that you completed? University.

　Layer 28: Your Appearance Eye color: Green. Hair color: Naturally blonde, but currently purple & blue. Height: 5'3". Weight: Not saying, lol. Do you have freckles, moles, beauty marks, or birthmarks - and where? I have freckles, and moles all over the place, especially on my arms.

　Layer 29: Electronics, Internet, & Social Media How much time do you spend on the Internet per day? Too many hours. Which social media platforms do you belong to? Facebook and I have X/Twitter but I barely use it. When’s the last time you replaced the batteries in your television remote? No idea. Are you more likely to stream movies and shows on your laptop, or cast them to your television? I mostly watch on my laptop, but I do watch WWE PPVs on my TV. Do you have an e-reader, or do you prefer actual books? Actual books.

　Layer 30: Are You Are you still in school? No. Are you a member of the LGBTQ+ community? Yep, I'm bisexual. Are you looking forward to anything coming soon? Sure. Are you dreading anything coming soon? No. Are you gullible or naive? Not really.

　Layer 31: Does Does your workplace make you feel like you can never take a day off without feeling guilty about it? Not at all. I work 3 days a week, and if I do need to take one of them off or switch days, my boss is very flexible. Does anyone out there hate you? I hope not. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Not at all. Does crying make you feel less strong? Hell no.

　Layer 32: Would You Do the Polar Bear Plunge? Dunno. Ever try to walk across a room blindfolded? Why would I even need to do that xD Swim with sharks? No. Go into outer space, given the chance? I don't think so. Go out in public, looking how you do right now? Sure, yes. I literally went to the gym in this exact outfit earlier xD I'd just need to put shoes on lol.

　Layer 33: Pets/Animals Do you have any pets? If so, what type, and their names… I don't have any. If not, what type of pet have you always wanted? I just want a cat. What is your favorite animal? Cat <3 Do you think it is cruel to have circus animals? Yes. How often do you walk your dog, if you have one? How often do you scoop the litterbox, if you have a cat? -

　Layer 34: Food What is your favorite breakfast item? Croissants. What is your favorite kind of dessert? Ice cream or chocolate. Do you eat all three meals everyday? No, I usually skip breakfast, and I skip lunch on weekends. What’s the longest you’ve gone without food? Probably like a day and a half or so.

　Layer 35: Past Does your past ever come back to haunt you at times? Yes. What is one of your favorite memories of the past? Traveling to the USA for Wrestlemanias. What is something that you used to do in the past, but no longer do? Go clubbing a lot lol. Which historical time period would you like to go back to and check out? Hmm...

　Layer 36: Future Do you think you will ever get married one day? No. Do you plan on ever getting a different job in the future, or are you happy with the one you’ve got? I like my job for now, but who knows what the future brings. What age do you plan to retire at? Or do you plan on working til you’re dead? It depends on what the retirement age is by the time I get there, I mean I'm like 35 years away from that lol. What is something on your bucket list worth mentioning? Attending a Royal Rumble, sit front row at a PPV, go to an AEW and NJPW show, visit Japan, visit Rottnest Island and meet a Quokka etc. If given the opportunity to see how your future plays out, would you take it, or no? I dunno.

　Layer 37: Hygiene How often do you shower? Not everyday, I admit that, sometimes I'm too lazy. How often do you brush your teeth? Twice a day. Do you actually iron any of your clothes? No. I don't think we even own an iron anymore xD How often do you do laundry? Once a week. How long do you use a bath towel before switching it out? Once.

　Layer 38: Clothing, Makeup, & Style Do you wear nail polish? If so, how often do you paint your nails? It depends. How would you describe your sense of style? I dunno what you'd call it but I mostly wear wrestling t-shirts, yoga pants, short shorts, playsuits, short skirts and Converse. Are there any popular trends that you do not find appealing? Those shapeless dresses that have been popular recently, they look like sacks. Where do you typically buy your clothing from? Kmart, Warehouse, H&M etc. What sorts of accessories do you wear/use? I wear a FitBit and jewellery, mainly rings and bracelets.

　Layer 39: Hobbies Do you still color, even as an adult? Not really. Do you/would you like to crochet, knit, cross-stitch, etc? No. What’s the last thing you crafted all by yourself? No idea. Do you use Pinterest at all? No. What’s the last thing that you cooked or baked? I suck at cooking.

　Layer 40: Dislikes List some of your pet peeves here. People being a hypocrite, people who walk slow and block paths, people who hog machines at the gym, when I miss the bus by mere seconds, when people at work bug me constantly about their cases, when the weather changes constantly etc. What are some things that annoy you about yourself? I can be lazy and procrastinate too much, I get obsessive about bad things, I get anxious far too easily etc. Is there anyone out there who you actually hate? Who? The woman who hit and run me, I hate her with all my heart and soul. She almost killed me and ruined my life, fucking up my shoulder. What is a feeling that you dislike? Anxiety. Do you get some ugly road rage while driving? I don't drive.

　Layer 41: Random Have you ever successfully pogoed on a pogo stick? I don't think I've ever used one lol. Have you ever mastered the jump rope? I wouldn't say mastered, but I was alright at it. Do you know what it feels like to be truly happy? Sure. What’s your favorite type of survey, and why? Ones with actual questions, I don't like bolding ones that much. I'll do them, but they're not my fave.

　Layer 42: Music What are some of your favorite genres of music? Pop, J-pop, K-pop, rock, classical, new age etc. What are some music genres that you can’t stand? Country and screamo. If you had a blank pair of concert tickets, who would you hope to be going to see? Ayumi Hamasaki!! Do you still listen to music on the radio from time to time? No. iTunes, Spotify, Pandora, Amazon Music, or YouTube? I use iTunes and Spotify - iTunes is for all my obscure pop music and Pokémon soundtracks, and Spotify is for everything else.

　Layer 43: Books What were some of your favorite books as a child? Anything tbh, I read so much. What genre of books do you typically read most often? Fantasy. What are some of your favorite books as an adult? Weather Warden series! What is a book that you were required to read for school that you actually enjoyed? None, they all sucked. Do you read any newspapers or magazines anymore? Sometimes.

　Layer 43: Around the World Where’s the best place you’ve taken a vacation and/or day trip to? There's so many choices, but I'd go with New York City or New Orleans, both amazing places. Where is somewhere that you’d like to go someday, assuming you have the funds to do so? Japan. My BFF is there right now, I'm SO jealous of her lol. Where do your family members originate from? Scotland, England, Ireland and NZ. What is your favorite type of ethnic cuisine? I really like Indian food. What is something that is typically representative of your own culture? Dunno xD

　Layer 44: Would you rather… Drink apple juice or grape juice? Neither tbh. I like grapes but not as juice, and apple juice is meh. Wear pants or shorts? Depends on the weather, but I prefer shorts more. Be taller or shorter? Shorter if I had to pick. Go to a zoo or an aquarium? Aquariums are fun. Visit an art gallery or a museum? Museum! I don't really like art.

　Layer 45: Movies Do you remember what the first movie was that you saw in theaters? No. What are some of your favorite movies you’ve seen? Simpsons Movie, Cagefighter, 12 Rounds 3, The Wrestler etc. What genre of movie do you typically enjoy? Action or comedy. What is a movie you’ve seen that you weren’t expecting to like, but were pleasantly surprised? Dunno.

　Layer 46: Personality Are you more of an introvert or an extrovert? In between. Are you more easygoing and laid back, or anal? I'm mostly laid back, but I have my anxious uptight moments. Are you kind to everyone who shows that they deserve kindness? Yes. Describe your sense of humor. I find the weirdest shit funny. Do you tend to over-share? Probably xD

　Layer 47: Celebrities Which celebrity has given their child the most unique name, in your opinion? Most of them. Are there any celebrities that you keep tabs on/read articles about often? Only wrestlers. The rest I don't care about. Who is/are your celebrity crush(es)? Jon Moxley <3 Have you ever personally met someone famous before? If so, then who? Yep! John Cena is the most famous person I've met - he is legit the loveliest person! I've also met loads of other wrestlers, Melanie Martinez, Atomic Kitten and Five <3 Who is a celebrity that you’re getting tired of hearing about all the time? Taylor Swift (I like her music but I'm sick of her), Meghan Markle, the Kardashians, The Rock (he's been in WWE a lot lately lol) and prob more.

　Layer 48: Emotions When was the last time you cried? The other day. What are some things that you’re afraid of? Spiders, clowns, ladders, losing my loved ones etc. What is something small that makes you happy? Shuffling my playlist and it gives me like 10 amazing songs in a row. Who is the last person that you were angry with, and about what? Some idiot at work. Are you typically a shy or outgoing person? In between.

　Layer 49: Digging Deeper What is your favorite alcoholic beverage? Jim Beam or Malibu. How old were you when you got drunk for the first time? 16. Oops. LOL. Do you smoke? No. Have you ever taken and sent naked pictures of yourself? Yes. Have you ever done any drugs other than marijuana? If so, which ones? I've not even done weed, lol.

　Layer 50: Games What are some of your favorite video games? Pokémon, The Sims, Civilization, Starcraft, Ace Attorney, Cyberpunk 2077, LA Noire, Broken Sword etc. Do you have any computer games that you play regularly? ^^^^ What was your favorite board game, growing up? Monopoly, my BFF and I played it every single she came over to my house xD How about your favorite card game? Last Card or Asshole xD How good are you at solving puzzles? (such as a Rubik’s cube, word puzzles, or putting together a jigsaw puzzle) Depends.

[lickingyellowpaint]

Turns out I WAS just that bored. Did you know Asks have a character limit for replies? I didn’t. Anyway. Here, nonny:

1. What were your summers like as a kid?   

Playing in the backyard with my brother - we had tire swings, if not much else. Did some day camp but don't remember much. Vacations were to family in near neighboring states, not very exciting, but cool for a city kid to get out to the country every so often. Lots of multiplayer computer games on the home network. Cats. Books. Playing Star Wars with neighbor friends with lightsabers for sticks. Rollerblading and biking around the neighborhood until the streetlamps came on. Writing little songs and stories.

2. Do you enjoy thrilling rides like rollercoasters?

Not particularly.

3. Who was your childhood hero?   

Mulder and Scully.

4. What is your favorite book?   

The Picture of Dorian Gray, forever and always.

5. What do you find most attractive about your crush?   

Don't really have any new/exciting crush of any kind.

6. What’s your favorite outfit?   

I really do love that jumpsuit I got with the open sides. It's just cool, despite its tweed-ness.

7. Does seeing people in love make you happy? Sad? Annoyed?

None of the above? What people? What context? None of my business, usually, but always happy for friends when they find someone who makes them happy.

8. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?   

One of my real animal curls up with me every night and purrs up a storm in my arms, and I wouldn't dream of letting Pusheen take her spot.

9. What CD did you play to death as a kid?   

Alanis' Jagged Little Pill got a weird amount of play. I was young when it came out, didn't even understand half of it, but liked singing along while doing dishes.

10. Hike to a mountain top to watch the sunrise or drive out of town to stargaze?

The hike/sunrise.

11. What song has the most relatable song lyrics to you?   

I love music and lean on it hard and always have, so too many to list.

12. Iced drinks or hot drinks?   

Hot. Even in summer. Iced coffee is an abomination to me.

13. Bright colors or neutral tones?   

I guess I'll go with bright but it really depends on for what.

14. Breakfast for dinner or pizza for breakfast?   

Breakfast pizza usually means there was dinner pizza, so the answer's kinda both? I usually don't eat until after 2 PM, though, so I doubt that still counts as breakfast.

15. Do you have a green thumb or a black thumb?

Black. Unfortunately. My last plant died last month and I'm likely never bothering again.

16. What’s your favorite feature of yours?   

My arms. Even at my laziest, I've always had a little tone thanks to bass.

17. Would you rather be a lawyer or a doctor?   

Lawyer, I guess. Can't imagine having to deal with calling insurance companies all the time.

18. What type do you tend to go for physically?   

Men, lean with some definition but not too muscly. Women, I've found myself temporarily dazzled by all types.

19. Power of invisibility or flight?   

Invisibility.

20. Would you rather wake up with your makeup magically done or your hair?

Hair. It's impossible to even brush properly half the time. This would be a welcome blessing.

21. What’s the stupidest fight you’ve ever gotten into?   

Not sure. I'm pretty confrontation-avoidant, so fights aren't something that happen often.

22. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen someone do in public?   

I've seen all sorts of things but there's a big difference between Witnessed At Pride/Market Days weird, Boomers Partying In The French Quarter weird, Homeless weird... hell, sometimes I'M the Weird Thing In Public.

23. What’s your dream date?   

Not so much dream and not so much date - my usual old preference was one-nighters with tourists I'd never have to see again. So, yeah, I don't think I have one of these...

24. Do you tend to gravitate more toward using logic or intuition to make decisions?

Logic for work, intuition for personal.

25. Do you like parties?   

Pre-COVID, yes. Maybe someday again if that's magically not an issue anymore.  

26. Did you enjoy high school?   

Kind of! I enjoyed research and writing papers, enjoyed being on the school paper staff and the interviewing opportunities it gave me at the time, enjoyed my bizarre little social circle, and all the ill-advised dalliances. Didn't much groove with my fellow IB kids, though.

27. Who is the craziest person in your family and why?   

It may have once been my dad, but I'm afraid I've adopted the mantle.

28. What’s your favorite holiday tradition?   

Halloween parade.

29. Can you describe your laugh?   

Sometimes I'm wheezy but I blame the smoking.

30. Instagram or Twitter?    

Twitter - if there's breaking news, I'll venture there for locals' insights. Instagram, you'd have to pay me to give a shit about.

31. What’s a show that everyone loves that you didn’t?   

I tried Dexter back in the day. Didn't make it far but can't remember why, just got bored. Most shows I haven't even bothered to try.

32. What song is stuck in your head?   

Light My Candle from RENT, all damn day. I saw a RENT poster on the bus this morning and it won't go away.

33. Do you like exercising?   

Yes, but I never have the time/privacy anymore to keep to my old routine. Bums me out. Could go to a gym but that's money and even less privacy. But YES I LIKE IT AND I MISS IT VERY MUCH.

34. Do you scare easily?   

From horror movies? No. From average everyday occurrences that trigger my CPTSD? Damn near daily.

35. Who are your top 5 celebrity crushes?   

I've decided to allow myself ONE skip in this survey and I'll use it here

36. If you could learn one language fluently what would it be?   

Probably the language most common amongst my job's regulars, so I could better communicate at work and thus better help people.

37. Would you fly to the moon if given the opportunity?   

Doubtful - likely too scared of what could go wrong.

38. What’s your favorite flower?   

Sunflowers are slightly special to me.

39. What non-sexual touch affects you the most?

Used to like having my hair petted but very rarely.

40. Do you enjoy cuddling?    

I can't truly relax, never know where to put my limbs, overheat way too quickly, and always feel like the other person must expect something from even my expression, that it should appear happy because of the cuddling. So, my face muscles start getting jerky and weird and deep down I hate it. It all makes me tense, too warm, and unsure of myself in every respect.

41. Do you like valentine’s day?   

I don't celebrate it but I don't outright despise it either. The real holiday is, of course, the next day when the candy goes on sale.

42. Do you enjoy driving and are you a good driver?

Never driven in my life and hope to never have to.

43. What would you be most likely to become famous for?   

Damned if I know. I used to think I might want it through writing, but fame seems exhausting, and my last good book idea, I tossed because someone else wrote the exact thing before I did. Soooooooooo, probably something really weird and un-sober. Like, Local Eats Too Many Edibles And Attempts To Leave Zoo With Meerkats In Pockets.

44. Do you have a favorite quote?

It's a Stephen Crane poem, but:   

I saw a man pursuing the horizon; Round and round they sped. I was disturbed at this;    I accosted the man. “It is futile,” I said, “You can never —” “You lie,” he cried,    And ran on.

45. Are you a romantic?   

lmao no

46. Do you have any tattoos or want to get one?

I have so many. One more in mind but the finances won't allow.

47. Biggest pet peeve?   

Currently? Every asshat who thinks personal calls on speakerphone, or watching videos without headphones, in a shared public space is an okay thing to do. Apparently there's a huge section of the population that was never taught how to behave politely. And so many of them come into my job, jesus shitting christ.

48. Favorite personality trait about yourself?   

Resourcefulness.

49. Sum up your type in three words.   

Creative. Charismatic. Frugal.

50. Do you listen to Kpop and if so who is your bias and why?

Nope.

51. What’s the longest you’ve ever stayed awake?

It was either 41 or 42 hours. Hallucinations happened at the end there. Not a fun time.

52. Hot or cold weather?

COLD. Anything above 75 or so can go back to hell from whence it came.

53. Bouquet of flowers or box of chocolates?   

Chocolates always.

54. Can you do any good impressions?   

I'm a great mimic with a wide vocal range but I don't use it as a party trick or anything, just for my own entertainment and acting practice.

55. What’s the best prank you’ve been witness to?

No idea. I pulled a good one on an old roomie but it's too long a story to bother with.

56. Favorite dessert?   

Might be baklava.

57. Is there a vine or tik tok you quote often?   

Yes but its audio was yoinked and used elsewhere, so I couldn't possibly say where it actually originated from.

58. What tumblr post always makes you laugh?

the salvador deli lmao

59. What country that you haven’t been to do you want to visit most?   

Most would require flying, so, none.

60. Can you cook and do you enjoy it?   

I'm a pretty decent cook and do enjoy it, but 99% of the time I'm gonna save effort, time, money and my weird digestive system by just munching on a sandwich instead. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

61. What’s your guilty pleasure movie?   

I'm trying to think if I love any movies that are so bad, they'd have to be guilty pleasures rather than regular ones. Maybe Roger Daltrey's version of The Beggar's Opera. I've got to be one of the few weirdos on the planet that enjoys that on a regular basis, right?

62. What’s your comfort movie?   

Fantasia.

63. Is there a genre of music you don’t like?   

Metal.

64. What’s an album that you think has no skips on it?   

The Who's Quadrophenia, I answer for the sixty bajillionth time because my answer will never change.

65. What’s your favorite thing to watch on youtube?

Obscure movies from between 1920-1990.

66. Would you make the first move to ask someone out?   

Not something I have to worry about but yeah, that's one area I do have actual social confidence in.

67. Do you often dream or have nightmares that you remember when you wake up?   

Pretty often, yeah.

68. What are you craving right now?   

Well, now that I mentioned it, baklava. -.-

69. What turns you on? Plenty of things. But I’m not about to list them on the designated horny freaks website, c’mon now.

70. What’s something you haven’t done that you think most people have?   

Driven a vehicle.

71. What genre is your favorite playlist right now and what’s it called?

I'm back to using YT more often than Spotify, and I don't even log into YT, so no playlists.

72. Are you a sad or happy drunk? Chill or energetic drunk?

Depends on the mood I was in when I started drinking. Tends to amplify it, whatever it may be.

73. What time of day do you like best?

Night.

74. Do you tend to enjoy being babied or do you prefer to be the one taking care of someone else?

I'll do or accept what I have to in emergencies, but neither? Handle your own shit day-to-day and let others do the same for the most part, is how I see it.

75. What top three cities do you want to travel to?

I'm gonna double the answer here, because I'd love to see Aspen, LA and San Fran again, but for places I HAVEN'T been to: Nashville, DC, and Savannah. (This list could def be less America-centric, but the plane thing...)

76. What’s your favorite feature about your best friend?

The fact he's pulled himself out of terrible health situations and is all the better for it - he's stronger than he thinks!

77. Do you have any pets? What are their names?

Three cats and, unfortunately, now a mere two fishies. The other recent tank additions didn't last long. :( But one of the originals is still kicking and seems to like his new friend.

78.  Back scratches or having your hair played with?

Used to be hair, but nowadays I just prefer not to be touched altogether. Hugs are okay, but that's it.

79. Do you like surprises?

I mean.... it really fucking depends what kind, doesn't it?

80. What’s your favorite picture of yourself?

Idk.

81. What books influenced you most as a child?

A whole bunch of ghost, paranormal, UFO and conspiracy books. I was THAT kid lol

82. Do you like kids?

I can pretend to like them for the brief period I am around them - no harm/no foul in that, so long as you act genuine enough: happy eyes, happy tones, engagement, listening, saying encouraging things. It's their feelings about the interaction that matter, not mine. But do I like them? No. They're usually stickier and louder than I can deal with.

83. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? (or other accessory if you don’t wear any)

I switch fave necklaces every few years. I'll rock a piece daily for months on end, then suddenly change it up and wear the new one for months. I have a chunky silver bracelet I like a whole lot but I really don't remember to put jewelry on much unless I'm having A Very Aesthetic Day.

84. Any wild stories passed around in your family?

A great-aunt was somewhat close with John Dillinger, but I don't know any specific wild stories about that. Dad managed bands in the 80s and I don't think I was allowed to know the best stories there, though his friend told me one about them ripping through an obscene amount of blow in one weekend. Parents used to see Dahmer in the neighborhood sometimes because of the bathhouse down the block, and Gacy at least once. Most other wild family stories are my fault, and I'm not around for what are probably the cautionary tale retellings.

85. Do you consider yourself an independent person?

Yessssssss.

86. What are you most comfortable sleeping in?

Whatever I happened to spend the day in.

87.   What was your childhood dream?

And again, 'Dana Scully' is more or less the answer.

88. What’s your fictional OTP?   

I've had a few, which immediately invalidates the O in OTP - changes about once a decade, though.

89. What’s one thing you want to achieve this year?

HA, joke's on you, year's almost up, I don't have to achieve shit. Take THAT, survey.

90. What has been your favorite book you’ve read in the last 5 years?

Torn between Breakfast at Tiffany's, because such a refreshingly less cheesy ending than the movie, and Catcher in the Rye.

91. What was the first movie to make you cry?

I assume Wizard of Oz? I distinctly remember being distraught that it was over and making my mom put it on all over again from the start.

92. What book world would you live in if given the opportunity?

Not sure. Maybe LOTR, for the peace of the Shire and the chance to possibly encounter Aragorn's fine ass.

93. What’s your craziest work related story?

That a former employer became a murder victim whose case went famous, probably. I've also got some crazy tales from the skip-tracing stint, but I may be saving those up for a future memoir.

94. What’s the best job you’ve had so far?

My current one. Best pay + best boss + less demanding work than past jobs = bliss.

95. Worst tinder or date experience?

......see, I'm really wracking my brain here, and idk. Instant clinginess has put me off quickly in the past, though.

96. What’s the first thing you think of when you wake up most mornings?

Coffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.......

97. Are you more of a planner or a spontaneous adventurer?

Spontaneous. Plans, I usually make and then have zero energy for, day of. But hit me up on the day of a Thing, whether that be a concert or a three-day ride-along out of state in a trucker friend's cab, and I might well be down so long as work sched allows.

98. Do you think you see yourself the way other people see you?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Doubtful.

99. What’s the last show you binged?

Watched four episodes of Wings today just because it was on and I loved that show as a kid. It holds up so well. (Lowell is such a himbo, god bless him.) But does four episodes count, or has the definition of 'binge' been irrevocably changed by the Netflix era?

100. What’s one of your fondest memories?

Every single New Orleans trip had its own unique magic - there's a balcony on Burgundy I'd love to be standing on again, simply taking in the night air and reminiscing.

[frogtanii]

Note: hi omg this was supposed to be sent such a long time ago when the haikyuu smau was still ongoing,, i thought froggie just didnt like it or smth then i sent the ask asking about whether or not they got it and it hit me ckkckcm ok anyway hope u like it

Cw: Panic attack, anxiety, intrusive thoughts (kinda), swearing, liberal use of italics

Bokuto let out a yawn as he stretched. What time is it? He thought to himself as he grabbed his phone. 4:47 am. That day he had fallen asleep way earlier than usual, at about 6 pm. He was exhausted, the fact that he had not been eating probably adding to that exhaustion. His gaze went down from the time on his phone screen to see some notifications from the Hype(r) House group chat. After swiping a couple of times the group chat opened. He wishes it hadn’t. He wishes he didn’t see those messages at that time.

The messages were nothing out of the ordinary, yet for some reason, Meiko’s flirting with Hajime hit him harder that moment. Maybe it was the fact that he was exhausted and starving, maybe it was the fact that his heart still clenches when thinking of his ex-lover. The I love you’s, the pet names, the invitations for cuddling. His sleepy eyes widened, his chest felt heavy, he could’ve sworn he was getting stabbed right then and there. How could he have been so stupid? Why is he such an idiot? Why did he fall for her like that? He loved her so much. She was his everything.

“I loved her, I loved her...” he silently kept repeating to himself as tears started rolling down his face. His chest is getting heavier by the moment, his stomach feels sick. He can’t breathe. At that moment he opened another group chat, he wasn’t sure which one it was, but he managed to type two simple messages:

‘It hurts’

‘I can’t breathe’

—

You let out a sigh as you turned off your laptop. You had finally finished editing some features for your streams. You got up from your chair. Thankfully your work desk was quite close to your bed so you didn’t waste time before throwing your body on the bed. Before drifting to sleep you decided to check your phone to see how your recent tweets had done. You picked up the phone from the nightstand and saw some notifications from your group chat with the boys, you didn’t pick up what the notifications said at first. You swiped and opened the group chat. Your eyes widened at the texts, quickly typing ‘Bo what’s going on???’ And sending the text. Your brain finally picked up at what you were actually meant to be doing. You rush out of your room right into Bokuto’s room only to find him trembling on his bed. You quickly approach and hug him. He hugs you back tightly, letting out choked sobs.

“Bo? What’s going on?”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He manages to choke out.

“Koutarou, what happened? Talk to me, Kou.” You quickly say, trying to keep the concern from showing on your voice.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to make you worried!” Guilt was choking him. First, he bullied you, now this? How horrible could he be?

“Koutarou. Talk to me. What happened?”

“How could I have been such an idiot, yn? Why am I so fucking dumb?” He sobbed between the words. “I... I loved her so much, she was my everything.”

“Bo.” You pulled away from the hug, looking at his eyes. “You are not an idiot, okay? She made you feel like this. This is how people like her work. It’s not your fault, okay? Okay?”

“If I was better, this wouldn’t have happened. If I was better she would’ve really loved me.” His tears and sobs weren’t getting any better. I’m making her feel even more guilty, I’m making her worried. Stop, stop, stop, stop. Fuck, fuck! He repeated to himself in his head.

“I...” he looked at your face, slightly calming down. “I don’t want this to go on any longer... I want these thoughts to stop, I want them to stop, yn!” He wiped his tears, which wasn’t doing much since more tears kept coming out.

“Koutarou!” You placed both your hands on his cheeks, making him look directly at you, “Listen to me, you will be fine. You are fine. It is not your fault. She did this to you. She did this to you.”

He froze for a moment, staring at your eyes. While doing so, he knew for a fact that you, yn, you were telling the truth. How could those eyes be lying?

He calmed down, tears stopping. All that was left now was his occasional sobs. You slowly put your hands down, making them hold his.

Kenma opened the door to find you two on the bed. He hadn’t slept that night either and had just finished a stream when he saw the messages on his phone and rushed to Bokuto’s room. He approached you two looked at Bokuto with concern. “Um, are you okay, dude?”

Bokuto manages to chuckle a little through the sobs. “Yeah, man... Thank you.”

“You should get some sleep, Bo.”

He stayed silent and nodded before laying down. You put a blanket over him, making a deal with yourself that you will not leave until you are sure he’s asleep and safe. He turned his back to you and Kenma, hoping that the feelings would go away from him as he drifted away but unfortunately they did not. The guilt and sadness stayed there, suffocating him. He closed his eyes and drifted off, hoping, praying, that he wouldn’t dream of the one who caused this in the first place.

[kireimarkeu]

Day 1 ◑; l.mk

+repost!

summary; what its like to have mark lee as your college boyfriend for a whole month :3

5k words

+Day 1, Monday, 6:00 AM

You let out a whine when you hear the alarm ring from Mark's phone. You hit his chest repeatedly, eyes still closed, eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. 

"Switch it off~" you whine, cuddling closer to his chest, pulling his arm around you to cover your ears from the blaring sound. 

Mark opened his eyes but soon squinted at the bright light. He rubbed his eyes harshly, leaning up a little to turn off the noisy sound. 

He looked down at you, a lazy smile plastered on his lips. Quickly, Mark leaned down to press his lips against your forehead. 

"I'll go shower first, I’ll wake you up when I’m done, okay?" 

You didn't reply, instead, you turn around to continue sleeping, hugging the pillows this time. Mark couldn't help but laugh at how cute you were. Shaking his head, he removed the arm that you were holding and got up to get ready for the first day of the final year in college. 

Almost an hour later, you were seated down on the chair, facing the mirror as you applied make up on your face.  

Once Mark saw you place the mascara back in place, "done?"

You nodded at your boyfriend and grabbed your bag that was laying on the bed.  

"Let's go," you mouthed, reaching out to hold Mark's hand. 

You thanked god every day that college was only walking distance from your place. You didn't need to wake up too early and you won't be too late if you overslept. 

 +Day 2, Tuesday, 12:59 PM

You stared at your lecturer, your cheeks resting against your palm. You gave up on taking down notes– you had the whole lecture recorded anyways. 

Finally, after 2 hours of non-stop accounting, the lecturer dismissed the class. 

You fished out your phone after packing all your things quickly. 

You: babe

You: are you done?

Usually, your boyfriend would reply to you instantly, but this time, he was taking some time. You pouted a little but continued to leave class. 

Once you walked through the door, you saw Mark leaning against the locker, waiting for you. When he finally saw you, a grin spread across his lips. 

"Mark!" you squealed, running up to your cute boyfriend, wrapping your arms around his torso, mark squeezed you against his chest.

"Hi, babe," he leaned down to press his lips on your cold cheeks. Mark reached to grab your hand in his, he was surprised at how cold your hand were. "Your hands are so cold!" he gasped, his hands rubbing over yours to warm yours up.

"I just got out of an air-conditioned room, dummy," you giggled. You tugged at his hand, "Lets goooo~" you whined, "I’m hungry."

Mark and you met a little more than a year ago through mutual friends. The first time both of you met, you barely noticed Mark. He was so quiet. Too quiet. 

But Mark noticed you ever since you walked through the cafe's door. He was usually a noisy guy– someone who enjoyed laughing and smiling at everything. But once he saw you, he didn't want to embarrass himself and opted to be silent the whole night.

You were so pretty. So kind, and so carefree. He liked you. The next day, he forced Jaehyun to give him your number. 

Ever since then, both of you instantly clicked and he finally asked you to be his girlfriend– something he's so thankful for. He wouldn't know what he would be doing without you. 

Ever since, 5 months ago, Mark has never failed to always meet you before lunch. It wasn't always, though. The both of you were taking different courses, hence both your timetable are different. But there were times where both of you would have lunch at the same time.

Luckily, this year, both of you have 3 lunch breaks together out of 5 days.

"What do you feel like eating?" Mark asks you, scanning the noisy room. 

It was 1 PM, so there weren't so many people in the canteen. It was usually only at noon then, both of you would have trouble trying to find seats.

You hummed, "Chinese?" 

 +Day 3, Wednesday, 5:08 PM

A grin formed on your lips when you saw Mark waiting for you after your last class. 

Running up to him, “Hiiiii~ Mark,” you giggled. 

Mark simply chuckled at you, his hands going up to your hair to pat your head softly.

“Did you wait long?” you asked as the both of you started walking home. 

He shook his head no. “Ah right!” Mark exclaimed as you looked at him with raised eyebrows. He suddenly pulled a black hair tie from his wrist, “you forgot to take this from me after lunch,” he told you, passing you your hair tie.

“Oh,” you grabbed your hair tie from him, thanking him by pressing your lips on his cheek. 

 +Day 4, Thursday, 8:34 AM

"Mark, I swear to god, it's only 4 days in–" you stop in your tracks to shut the door before turning around to face your boyfriend, "and I’m late." 

It was that day. The day where Mark started class late that day but you started at 8 but ended when his class started. 

Mark would occasionally wake up early just to send you to class. It was the least he could do for his favourite person.

Mark chuckled at how you were struggling to carry your bag. He reached out to grab your bag from you, and swing it over his shoulders as you mumbled out an incoherent 'thank you'.

"Well, thank god, you have me," Mark joked, as he started walking, you following soon after. You laughed at his words, but soon choked on the bread you were munching on. Mark patted your back, "Jeez, eat slowly, girl." 

You let out a loud cough then cleared your throat. "Fourth day in, and I almost died."

+Day 7, Friday, 3:07 PM 

“IT’S FRIDAY, BABY!” you yelled out with all your might, eyes closed, both arms stretched out.

Mark laughed at you but quickly covered your mouth with his hand, still giggling at you. “Stop! You’re embarrassing the both of us!” he laughed, grabbing your hand to drag you from the annoyed stares people were giving you. 

+Day 6, Saturday, 10:05 AM

You woke up at 10 am, no blaring sounds of the alarm clock. A small satisfied small formed on your lips. You turned in Mark's arms, hand going up to his warm cheek. 

"Markkk~" you murmured. "wake up..." 

Your boyfriend let out a soft whine, shifting with you in his arms. A huff left your lips when he squeezed you tighter in his arms and pulled you upon his chest. 

"Ah, Mark! Come on, wake upppp you poopoo head~" you squeezed his cheek softly. "We can't waste the day!!"

Mark whined and pulled away from you, turning away from you to lie on the other side, facing the window. You huffed, getting up to a sitting position, squeezing mark’s squishy arm, tugging on it multiple times. 

“Baaabe~ 5 more minutes, okay?” the cute boy mumbled into his pillow, pulling his arm away from your hold. 

You squint your eyes at your boyfriend. Letting out a long exhale, you got out of bed to make breakfast for the both of you. “I’m making breakfast so meet me in the kitchen in 15, okay?” you told mark, who simply hummed at your words. 

Honestly, you weren’t a very good cook, but for the sake of survival, you could make a simple toast and eggs. You quickly made toast and cook the eggs, then filling the table with Nutella, butter and strawberry jam. 

20 minutes later, Mark came in the kitchen with tousled hair, round gold glasses perched on his nose, eyes barely open and his pants hanging low on his hips. 

“Hi,” he mumbled, yawning quickly after.

Your right hand was holding a plate filled with toasts, while your left was holding a plate of scrambled eggs. You look up at your boyfriend, smiling at him, you quickly pressed your lips to his jaw before going to the small table to place your food. 

“Come, Mark! Breakfast’s ready.”

+Day 7, Sunday, 9:58 PM

Mark and you could be different at times. Mark was the hardworking type. He would finish whatever homework his lecturer gave, he would go through his notes that he had written down during lecture and would usually spend his Sunday studying. 

Meanwhile, you preferred not to do any homework because you think it was the biggest waste of time. It’s one day before the weekday, why would you study when you will be studying the following day anyway?

“Hey, Mark?” you called from the couch you were sitting on. 

Mark hummed, however, his eyes were glued onto his messy notes. 

“Will you follow me go get ice cream?” you asked your boyfriend, a glint of hope in your eyes because you could predict his answer whenever you ask a simple question. 

“I’m busy, sweet,” you mouthed the exact time when he said those words. You rolled your eyes. 

“But, Mark, I’m seriously craving for ice cream right now,” you whined with a pout. 

When he didn’t reply, you got down from the couch to sit next to the boy, wrapping your arms around his torso and resting your cheek on his shoulder. 

“Please, Mark~~”

The reason you were so clingy was because Mark didn’t spare you a glance the whole day, which upsets you a little because you forgot how he was like every Sunday.

“we’ll go after I’m done with this, okay baby?” he whispered, pressing his lips near your ear, still not looking at you. 

Let’s just say you’re not getting your ice cream today.

+Day 8, Monday, 7:15 AM 

“I am going to fucking kill myself,” you mumbled to yourself as you put on mascara. 

Mark could only chuckle at you from the bed. 

+Day 9, Tuesday, 7:04 PM

Mark and you were lying on your shared bed, holding hands in the middle of the bed as Mark talked about his day.  You laughed when he told a funny story that happened in class earlier

It was moments like this where you realise you loved Mark the most. Simply talking about things that happened throughout the day. 

“What happened today, babe?” Mark asked after he finished telling you everything he wanted to tell you. 

“Well, we have a project to do,” you sighed, “something I forgot we had in college,” you said sarcastically with a roll of your eyes.

“Group project?” 

“Mhm,” you hummed, “I’m partnered with Jaemin. It’s a duo project.”

“I see.” 

Silence suddenly filled the air. Comfortable silence. Both of you appreciating each other’s presence. 

“Do you wanna know something?” he asked you, turning his head to look at you. 

“What?”

“A girl confessed to me today.”

Your heartbeat started to pick up. 

“Who?” you asked.

You had thoughts that Mark would leave you for someone else before. Maybe not Mark, but you leaving him for someone else and that scared you a lot. You loved Mark with your whole heart and you have never thought of him being with someone that isn’t you. 

“You don’t know her,” he mumbled, “she’s from my class.”

You felt him squeeze your hand.

You pursed your lips, “What did she say?”

“She told me she liked me.”

You pulled your hand away from your boyfriend’s hold and turned to face him, “And what did you tell her?”

“I had a girlfriend and I wasn’t interested,” he explained with wide eyes. 

+Day 10, Wednesday, 3:38 PM 

You: hi b

You: I’m coming back late tody! 

You: don’t wait for me 

Mark Pee: okok

Mark Pee: where are you going?

You: jaemin’s place ): for project

Mark Pee: okk

Mark Pee: do you want me to fetch you from his place?

You: yes, please! 

You: I’ll text you when I’m done! Love u

+Day 11, Thursday, 11:02 AM 

“Ah, fuck!” you cursed, biting your lips in annoyance. You turned to look at your boyfriend, “Mark, I’m not getting lunch today.” 

He raised his eyebrows in confusion at you. The both of you were already queuing up for food, and now you’re not eating?

“I forgot to bring my money today,” you explained with a pout.

When you got home from Jaemin’s place yesterday, you immediately passed out after taking a cold shower. You forgot to grab some cash from your piggy bank today, where you usually kept some cash.

Mark quickly fished out his wallet and pulled out a 5 dollar bill and handed it to you. 

You pushed his hand away, “Mark, it’s fine.”

He shook his head, “its fine, you’re hungry, right?”

You tip-toed to press your lips against his cheek, “I owe you frozen yoghurt after school.”

+Day 12, Friday, 2:34 PM

Marker: where r u?

You: oh shit I forgot to tell you

You: I’m with jae again!! 

You: for the project

Marker: oh 

Marker: why didn’t you tell me earlier haha

You: sorry ):

You: were you waiting for me?

Marker: yeah haha but it’s okay, I’m going home now

You: oh, sorry Markie ): I’ll come back early to make it up to you okay?

Marker: I’ll wait for you (: 

+Day 13, Saturday, 11:18 AM

Mark continued to ignore you, despite the way you were hanging around him, trying to hold his hand to stop him from moving around, but it didn’t work. 

Yesterday when you had come home really late, despite the promise you made with Mark. When Jaemin and you finished the project yesterday, Jaemin had asked you to stay a little longer at his place to Mario Kart. Forgetting that you had promise Mark just a few hours ago, you stayed at his place until almost midnight and never told Mark. 

He was furious when you came back home. 

Once you walked through the door with a grin on your face, Mark quickly lashed out at you. 

“What happened to coming home early, y/n?” Mark asked angrily, hands crossed against his chest.

Mark only called you by your name when he was being completely serious. 

“It’s almost midnight and you’re only coming back home now?” he questioned you again with his hands placed on his hips this time. You could only keep quiet and keep your head down. “Do you know how dangerous it is for a girl to go home alone at this timing?”

You bit your lips, looking down at your feet, “I didn’t walk home alone… Jaemin sent me…”

Mark could feel his heart shatter when you spoke his name. It hurt him.

“Right,” he mumbled, turning around to go back to bed. 

You followed your boyfriend to your shared room, putting your bag on the chair, quickly changing to his clothes then slipping next to Mark who had his back face you. 

You wrapped your arms around his waist, pressing your front against his back. “Mark.” You kissed his bare shoulder, “Are you mad?”

You let out a sigh when he ignored you, “I love you.” You whispered, pressing a long kiss on his shoulder then another on his neck. “I really do.”

When you woke up this morning, you were shocked to see your boyfriend giving you the silent treatment. 

You sent him a pout when he sat down on the couch without uttering a single word. You waddled up to your boyfriend, quickly sitting on what’s yours— his lap. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you brought your face closer to his, noticing his flushed cheeks.

“Are you still angry at me?” you asked him, you leaned closer, nose touching, “hm?” this time you quickly pressed your lips on his, “are you?”

Mark parted his lips, hands going up to hold your hips, “don’t tease.”

+Day 14, Sunday, 8:07 AM

“Who’s that?” Mark groan at the non-stop vibrations of your phone. 

You turned around in Mark’s arms, grabbing your phone to see who was texting you this morning. 

“It’s Jaemin,” you replied, voice still hoarse. “He wants to meet me to finish up the project.”

“No,” Mark immediately replied, pulling you back into his chest, chin resting on the top of your head. “You can meet him tomorrow, I wanna spend time with my baby.”

You closed your eyes as you smile against Mark’s chest, “I like that.”

+Day 15, Monday, 7.39 AM

“Babe!” Mark whispered harshly, shaking you by your arm, “wake up!”

You turned around, pushing his hand away, “I don’t have class today.”

Mark raised his eyebrows, confused, “you don’t?”

You shook your head, opening your eyes a little, hands going up to hold Mark’s cheeks against your hand, “I don’t. My lecturer cancelled class today.”

He sent you a sweet smile, “Okay. Go back to sleep, babe.”

Mark leaned down to kiss your head quickly before standing up to leave, but you reached out to hold his wrist, stopping him from leaving you. 

“What time do you end class today?” 

“4 pm.” 

***

When Mark walked down the steps, he was surprised to see you waiting for him outside of school, sitting on the bench with a pout on your lips, waiting for your boyfriend. 

Mark speed up his pace to go to you.

“Babe!” he called, “what are you doing here?” a huge grin plastered on his face. 

“You’re always waiting for me, so I decided to do the same!” you told your boyfriend. 

Mark cooed at you, placing his water bottle under his armpits as he reached out to squish your cheeks between his fingers, “you’re so cute y/n.”

You let out a whine, pulling away from his harsh grip, “let’s go.��

Before you could walk away, Mark holds you back by gripping your hand. You raised your eyebrows at your boyfriend.

“I’m craving for ice cream,” he told you cheekily.

+Day 16, Tuesday, 4:35 PM

You dip your spoon into the mango flavoured ice-cream, bringing it into your mouth, savouring the sweet taste. 

“Mark, it’s your third time we’ve eaten ice cream after class this week. Are you not tired of it?” you asked the boy who was sitting opposite of you. 

“Nope,” he shook his head with a small smile as he looked up at you, “never with my favourite girl.”

Blushing, you scoop some ice cream into your spoon and forcefully pushed it between Mark’s lips as his eyes glistened with happiness.

+Day 17, Wednesday, 11:18 AM

Mark had his laptop perched on his lap, his round glasses sitting on his nose while his eyes were trained on the computer. 

Meanwhile, you were sitting on the floor, laptop on your right while papers filled the coffee table. Your hair was tied into a messy bun—a very ugly messy bun. You scratched your hair in frustration and let out a long exhausted sigh. 

Mark had his eyes on you for a while now, he noticed how frustrated you were. And there were times where things like this happen—where you get too stressed over school and would overthink. 

“You okay there, babe?” Mark asked quietly, leaning a little towards you. He hesitated on placing his hand on your shoulder—he opted not to. 

You turn around to look at your boyfriend, tears brimming your eyes, nose rosy. You quickly shook your head no. 

“Oh, honey.”

Mark quickly put his laptop away and took a seat next to you, immediately pulling you into his arms. Once you snuggled against his neck, tears started pouring out of your eyes. Mark wasn’t very good at comforting and you knew that.

He simply patted your back softly, placing soft kisses on your hair repeatedly. 

Once you pulled away from his neck with a sniffle, Mark smiled at you, “better?”

You nodded, rubbing your nose, you looked up at him with a teary gaze, “can you help me with this?” 

Despite both of you learning different things in school, that didn’t stop both of you from helping each other.

“Of course, angel.”

And Mark explained to you what you didn’t understand. It took you some time to understand him, but Mark was always patient with you. 

Once you finally got it, he pressed a kiss on your temple, “you’re so smart, babe.”

+Day 18, Thursday, 4:34 PM

You waited for Mark outside of school, excited to tell him about how well you did for your presentation earlier. But Mark hasn’t come out after an hour.

The both of you were supposed to end at the same time today, but why isn’t he coming?

You fished out your phone to send your boyfriend a text, 

You: helo where are you ):

You: im waiting for you outside 

Unfortunately for you, he didn’t reply. To make things worse, it started raining heavily from where you were. Luckily you were waiting for him under a shelter.

With a sigh, you decided to scroll through Instagram while waiting for your boyfriend. Your eyes widened in curiosity when you noticed Mark had posted something on his Insta Story. Curious, you clicked on his profile to see a video of a girl sitting in front of him in a café. 

You were pissed. Mark could’ve told you that he would be out with someone else that day—but he didn’t. 

You thought of replying to his story but you didn’t, wanting to be the mature one in the relationship. 

Just as you were about to leave, you heard someone call your name. Turning around, your eyes widened and a smile appeared on your lips when you noticed Jaemin running towards you. 

“What are you doing here?” Jaemin asked you, “do you have an umbrella?”

You shook your head while jutting your lips out.

“Come. I’ll send you home,” he told you with a sweet smile. You opened your mouth, ready to reject his offer, but before you could, Jaemin had already held your hand, pulling you under the umbrella with him.

On the way home, Jaemin and you couldn’t stop laughing at each other’s jokes. The both of you were so bright on a gloomy day. Jaemin suggested the both of you stayed indoors for a while, which you agreed to. 

Both of you stayed in a café that Jaemin had suggested. Both of you spent hours in the café laughing at jokes and trying different cakes. 

When you reached home with Jaemin, you were ready to put your key in the hole, the door was opened by Mark. An angry Mark. 

“What are you doing here?” Mark asked Jaemin with a sharp glare, pulling you towards his side. 

“Ah, Mark, Jaemin sent me home because it was raining,” you explained, looking up at Mark.

Mark turned to you angrily, “why didn’t you—”

“Anyways, Jaemin, thank you for sending me home. I owe you one,” you quickly hugged Jaemin. 

Jaemin chuckled, “anything for you, y/n.”

+Day 19, Friday, 12:48 PM

“Are you really going to fucking act this way?” you asked Mark angrily, hands placed on your hips. 

Mark rolled his eyes as he walked away from you, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

You followed him, annoyed at how he was avoiding you, “stop walking around when I’m talking to you!” 

He stopped in his tracks and faced you, frustration spread all across his face. 

“Why are you acting this way, Mark?” you asked him again, “you act like this every time I hang out with Jaemin.”

Mark took a deep breath, looking at anything but you, “maybe I don’t like you hanging out with Jaemin.”

You scoffed at your boyfriend’s words, “you know, yesterday wouldn’t have happened if you told me you were going out with someone.”

He kept quiet this time, he wasn’t sure what to say. Mark looked at you before walking away from you again. 

“Fine! Just leave like at times like this! Just like you always do!” you yelled out at him, “so childish,” you mumbled under your breath. 

+Day 20, Saturday, 8:56 PM

“Fucking Mark Lee,” you cursed, “always being childish over something small,” you rambled on, throwing the pan in the sink loudly, “why is he even my fucking boyfriend? Why did I even accept him?”

When you woke up today, Mark was gone. You didn’t think much about it, but when Mark wasn’t home after 3 pm, you started getting annoyed. You woke up at 8 am today, meaning he had left even before you had woken up. 

The moment you checked his Insta Story, he had left to hang out with the same girl 2 days ago. 

“Did he think I would get jealous over that dumb girl?” you scoffed, scrubbing the dishes roughly, “he thought wrong.”

At first, you didn’t think much about it, but after a few hours, you started stalking the girl’s account and constantly checked if Mark had uploaded anything on his Insta Story. 

“I hate Mark. He’s so good at making me feel like shit.”

Just as you said that, you heard the front door slam. You took a deep breath before approaching Mark. 

You went up to him, stopping him with your small figure, “Where were you?” you asked. 

“What are you? My mom?” he rolled his eyes. “I was with someone.”

Mark walked past you but you stopped him again as he let out an annoyed sigh. 

“Who?”

He turned around in exasperation, “Naeun.”

You crossed your arms, “since when did you both get close, huh?” you asked. 

“Since she told me she liked me.”

+Day 21, Sunday, 10:09 PM

Today, Mark didn’t go out. You didn’t either. 

You couldn’t stop thinking about what Mark had said yesterday. So mark went out with someone who had feelings for him.

Does she know Mark has a girlfriend? Will Mark like her back? Will Mark leave you? Has Mark fallen out of love?

You broke out of a daze when you felt something nudge your hand. You looked up at Mark who was looking down at you. 

“Huh?” you asked, stunned. 

He nodded his chin towards the bowl he was holding, “Eat,” he told you. You raised your eyebrows at him. He looked away, clearing his throat, “you haven’t eaten anything the whole day.”

You looked down at the bowl. Mark had made fried rice with a messy egg laid on top. A small smile spread across your lips.

He still cares. 

You gripped the bowl in your hand, “thank you.”

+Day 22, Monday, 7:37 PM

“Hey,” Mark nudged your shoulder, “do you want anything?” 

“What are you getting?” you asked, however, your eyes were fixed on your laptop as your lips bit on the string of your—Mark’s hoodie. 

“Western.”

You frown, shaking your head, “No, I’m good.”

“Kay.” 

*** 

The smell of fish & chips hit your nose, as you immediately looked up to see where the smell was coming from. Your eyes landed on Mark who had his plate of food sited on his lap. 

You lick your lips at the sight and smell of the delicious food. Mark squint his eyes mischievously at you. 

“Mark,” you called, “can I have some?” you asked, looking up at your boyfriend with a glint of hope in your eyes. 

Your boyfriend didn’t hesitate to cut up a piece and dip it in the sauce and feed you. You looked up at your boyfriend with a cute smile while munching on the delicious food as you went back to focus on your work. 

20 minutes later, instead of Mark eating, he was feeding you instead. 

“I thought you didn’t want any,” Mark grumbled while placing the fork between your lips. 

You looked up at Mark playfully, sending him a cheeky smile, “it’s really good.”

“Really?” Mark feigned confusion, “I never tried it,” he said plainly with a straight face. 

You pursed your lips and grabbed the cutleries from his hold, cutting a piece of the fish and bringing up to his lips. Mark's hands went up to your wrist to help you feed him as he ate with gusto. 

“Good?”

+Day 23, Tuesday, 5:17 PM

“Babe, I’m gonna meet Naeun, are you going to be okay?” Mark asked you, taking off his top, searching for a clean shirt. 

You bit your lip. Naeun was the reason both of you had a big fight the other day. Why is Mark still going out with her? Furthermore, she had a crush on your boyfriend, you were afraid if she would steal your man away from you. 

Mark jumped on the bed as he leaned towards you, “you okay?”

You looked down at him and sent him a fake smile. “I’m fine. What time are you coming back?” you asked softly, looking at away from Mark and directing your attention to your phone.

Mark suddenly grabbed your hands, pressing a kiss against it, as you looked at him in shock. “Baby,” he said, “if you don’t like me hanging out with Naeun, you can tell me,” he told you. 

You kept quiet. 

“Do you like me going out with Naeun?” he asked once more. 

Both of you have never gotten jealous before, and you didn’t want to break that. 

You shook your head, “you can go out with her,” you told him with a nod, your attention going back to your phone. 

Whatever you said was the opposite of what you were feeling. You didn’t want Mark to go out with her at all. You didn’t like the idea of someone else going out with your person. 

Mark sighed, “Don’t lie to me.”

You finally put your phone down and faced your boyfriend, “fine.” You sighed, “I don’t like the both of you going out together.”

“Why not?” he questioned, holding back a smile. 

You wanted to roll your eyes. He was doing this on purpose. 

“I…I don’t want you to fall out of love with me,” you whispered, “I don’t want to see you leave me and love someone else.”

Mark sent you a sweet smile, “you don’t have to worry because that will never happen.” 

+Day 24, Wednesday, 1:55 PM

“Done?” Mark questions, you nodded. “Let’s go.”

He passed you your bag, while he grabs his own. “I’ll send you to class.” 

You raised your eyebrows at his words, “isn’t your class at the other end of the building?”

Both of you shared your timetable with each other at the start of the year, and you knew where his class were at. 

“It’s okay,” he sent you a sweet smile, “I’ll make it in time.”

+Day 25, Thursday, 11:08 AM

“Hi, Mark,” Naeun waved at Mark sending him a flirty smile while tucking her hair behind her ear. “Who is this?” she asked, looking at you. 

You wanted to roll your eyes at the glare she was sending you. 

“She’s my girlfriend. I told you about her,” Mark stated, his arms wrapping around your waist protectively. 

“Ah,” Naeun gasped softly. “well, um, I was thinking if you want to go out today? I got an extra ticket for—” 

Mark frowned, “I can’t, I’m hanging out with my girl today. Sorry, Naeun!” 

Right after saying that, both you and Mark walked away, with you giggling next to him. 

+Day 26, Friday, 10:00 AM

You: Markie!!!!!

Markie Pooh: what do you want bitch ass

You: rude!!

You: I need to borrow your sweater ;;

Markie Pooh: ): why

Markie Pooh: it’s my fav sweater babey ):

You: its so cold in this room ):

You: I’m literally freezing rn

Markie Pooh: argh fine

Markie Pooh: you’re so spoiled wtf

Markie Pooh: what room r u in bby

[moldy-mold]

August Blog My life is out of my hands.

I’m embarrassed at how often I tell people “depends on the schedule” when I’m trying to make plans. When I can eat, when I can spend time with friends. I can’t even go to the grocery store or do laundry when I want to. My life is determined every Sunday when my bosses send out the schedules for the upcoming week. However, if I wanted to, I can make it all finally stop...

“It didn’t feel daring, it just felt like the right thing to do for myself. I feel the best when I am in control of my life.”

I was talking to someone who just quit their job and this is what they said. That really resonated with me.

After a year of failure, I am going to leave my design degree behind me to pursue something else entirely. I kept holding on because I didn’t want to “waste” what I learned in college. I may be a creative person, but I don’t need a creative job. I hate doing portfolio and I always have because the projects I actually loved were never “useful” enough to be put on display. Maybe that’s why I keep failing to get a job (that isn’t min wage). Maybe a design job is no longer applicable to the Moldy that exists at this very moment.

I don’t know if I’ll succeed where I’m headed, but I think it’s time I try. I remember being so optimistic at the beginning of the year! Now I’m just exhausted. There’s only so much I can take. T_T

-

Daily Routine August 2021 ver. My days are split between 4 routines. I no longer have a concept of weekdays or weekends because work days are scattered and change every week. Hours change too, but this is an average.

cafe days 10:00 am: wake up, read webtoons, skincare, brush teeth 11:00 am: yoga, water plants, make breakfast 12:00 pm: check email/social media 1:00pm: zestiria/drawing, freelance/commission 3:00 pm: make lunch, get ready for work 4:00 pm: work 10:00 pm: get home, shower 10:30 pm: eat dinner, watch chinese drama 11:00 pm: get ready for bed 11:30 pm: read webtoons/zestiria 2:00 am: sleep

office days 7:30 am: wake up, skincare, brush teeth 8:00 am: eat breakfast, check email/social media 9:00 am: work 3:00 pm: get home, eat lunch, water plants 4:00 pm: work out 5:00 pm: shower 6:00 pm: zestiria/drawing 8:00 pm: eat dinner 9:00 pm: get ready for bed 10:00 pm: zestiria/read webtoons 11:00 pm: watch anime with friends 1:00 am: sleep

rest days 11:00 am: wake up, read webtoons, skincare, brush teeth 12:00 pm: yoga, water plants, make breakfast, check email/social media 1:00 pm: walk in the park, think about my life and my choices 3:00 pm: stretching, shower, eat lunch 4:00 pm: zestiria/drawing/clean apartment 8:00 pm: eat dinner 9:00 pm: get ready for bed 10:00 pm: journal/read webtoons/zestiria 2:00 am: sleep

game days (once a week) 10:30: wake up, read webtoons, skincare, brush teeth 11:00 am: yoga, water plants, make breakfast 12:00 pm: go out and grab boba tea of choice 1:00 pm: tales of xillia 2 lunch and snacking all happen at some point during game hours 8:00 pm: shower 8:30 pm: eat dinner, watch a movie 11:00 pm: get ready for bed 11:30 pm: read webtoons/journal 2:00 am: sleep

-

Gaming My roommate and I started Tales of Xillia 2, my final Tales game. I find it to be a rather unusual Tales game because it doesn’t feel like I’m on a journey with a story unfolding. It’s more like I’m going through a chain of related side quests put together into a game. I like Ludger though, very relatable lol.

Now that I’ve finished Xenoblade, my new solo game is Zestiria NG+. With Berseria’s lore still fresh in my mind, I was curious about the connections between the two games. I’ll have to say that it is very satisfying to reverse-find the references made in Bersy. This time around, my best performing character is Mikleo. Human character of choice is Rose - I played Sorey the first time. You know, this game is pretty short for a Tales game imo. Like, once you do the trials, it’s not that much more until the game ends, especially if you’re not doing all the side content. I am doing them though since I am interested in the lore for research.

-

Finished Watching...

Demonslayer: Mugen Train ◆◆◇ How could they do that to me?

Tales of the Abyss Anime ◆◆◆ I felt like I watched a speed-run but they did a pretty good job.

Mystic Pop-Up Bar (kdrama) ◆◇◇ It was alright.

Perfect Blue ◆◆◆ Not for the faint of heart. I was definitely triggered by some scenes, but I really liked its execution and themes.

Resident Evil: Infinite Darkness ◆◇◇ Pros: it was very Resident Evil. Cons: it was very Resident Evil.

Masters of the Universe: Revelations ◆◆◇ I enjoyed it more than I thought I would. I am a fan of Skeletor now lol.

-

Projects I’m working on a Tales comic series (again) but it’s more Webtoons format instead of 4koma like I usually do. It will probably look best on Tumblr thanks to how vertical it is but I’ll have to settle for whatever it turns out to be for other platforms. I won’t reveal too much - it is my personal take on what happens to Rokurou post-game. Although I’ve been struggling to find time/energy, I hope I finish this one too.

Happy that people read Undercover! and liked it. It’s definitely... niche. So I didn’t expect it to do well. But hey, I can say I finished something for once.

-

As usual, thanks for being here.

[xbladekitkat85]

Why Clint is on Tony’s Sh*t List

Word count: A bit over 3k.

Chapter summary: Peter and Harley are brothers and the children of Tony Stark. Which is highly classified knowledge that nobody outside of the Avengers knows. Until Clint Barton accidentally spills the secret with a technology related mishap.

Warnings: A bit of language here and there. Tony threatening Clint’s life because he did an oopsie.

Peter's POV

In the school that is Midtown School of Science and Technology, everyone is basically a genius of some sort. You have biology geeks, math geeks, chemistry geeks, robotics geeks. You name a branch of STEM subjects, there are guaranteed to be at least 5 masters in every subject.

That being said, being a master in a subject doesn't mean that you would be instantly popular. Sure you might get hounded for homework help, but it doesn't mean you actually make friends as easily. It's more like people want to leech off of your knowledge and don't bother to get to know you.

There's a social pyramid in all schools and let's just say I'm towards the bottom of mine. I build Lego sets, I love Star Wars, I'm a whiz at chemistry and math. But people ignore the fact that I'm 'somewhat' intelligent and focus on the Lego and Star Wars part of my image. Which sucks big time. At least I'm graduating this year.

But at least I have my brother Harley to confide in. We argue over stupid stiff but we both enjoy poking fun at each other.

3rd person POV

Peter was sitting at his usual table with his small group of friends. Ned, MJ, and Betty made up this small group of people.

"So, what are you guys doing this weekend?" Ned asked the group.

"Uhhhh, I was planning on going to see that new movie coming out." Betty answered. "You know, the one with Emilia Clarke and what's his name."

"Oh yeah, I know which one you're talking about." Ned replied.

"You losers can go see a movie, I'm going to a protest outside of Oscorp." MJ replied, sipping her thermos of coffee.

"What did Oscorp do?" Peter asked curiously.

"They're trying to cover up an employee getting severely injured, the safety protocols are shitty, and HR is as usual, the worst part of it all in addition to the censorship of the incident online."

Peter nodded his head, eyes widened.

"Gotcha. I definitely understand why you're going."

MJ set her thermos down and opened her latest book, Speak.

Ned turned to look at Peter.

"Stark internship all weekend?" He inquired.

Peter shrugged and took a sip of water.

"I'm gonna hang out with Harley. Probably do some stuff in the lab. Usual stuff."

Betty shook her head in disbelief.

"I still can't believe you're friends with him." She said. "He's pretty high on the social ladder here. I mean I know you guys have the internship together but it's still kind of baffling that I never see you interacting in school."

Ohhhhh, if you only knew Betty. Peter laughed to himself on the inside.

Nobody at school knew that Peter and Harley were half brothers and the children of Tony Stark. Not even Ned or MJ knew although he suspected that MJ somehow knew or was close to figuring it out. She's scarily perceptive and freakishly good at knowing things about other people that she definitely shouldn't.

The bell rang signaling the end of lunch.

The four friends parted ways and headed to their respective classes.

*After school*

Peter arrived at the tower straight from Delmar's after picking up snacks for the weekend. He had grabbed an assortment, ranging from potato chips to pretzel M&Ms.  He waved at Ms. Maldonado, the lady who commanded the reception area and dashed to the elevator, scanning his pass when prompted.

FRIDAY greeted him when the doors closed.

"How was your day Peter? Harley is already waiting for you. He told me to tell you, and I quote, "Peter, I hope you remembered my PRETZEL M&Ms not PEANUT M&M's like last time. If you forgot, I'm going to steal that new Lego set you were planning on building tomorrow. And I WILL hide it somewhere you'll never, ever, find it. Insert maniacal cackling, blah blah blah."

Peter stifled a laugh at Harley's message.

"Uh, well my day was the usual, you know. And tell Harley I got his stupid M&Ms. And I grabbed him something else too if he promises not to threaten the Legos again."

"Sure thing, Peter."

He exited the elevator to the floor which housed the labs he shared with Harley. There were multiple as the duo tended to accidentally blow things up and would need to have another place to work while repairs were being done. Needless to say, Tony was more than a little annoyed that his kids needed multiple labs because they kept blowing them up. But whatever, he loves them and will pay for it as long as he gets to blackmail them with all the ridiculous stories of what blew up and how it happened.

Harley looked up towards the door Peter walked through and lifted his welding mask off his face.

"Hand over the merchandise, blockhead." He said, his arm stretched towards the bag of goodies Peter was carrying.

"Only if you promise to leave the Legos alone, biotch." He replied.

Harley rolled his eyes and dramatically lifted his hand in the air as if he was testifying in court.

"I promise not to touch the Legos." He said in a half joking tone.

Peter handed him the pack of M&Ms as well as a container of Oreos.

"I still don't understand why you like pretzel M&Ms." Peter remarked. "There's too much pretzel and not enough chocolate."

Harley stared directly at him as he tore open the M&Ms and popped a few in his mouth.

"I don't understand why you don't like pineapple on pizza." Harley shot back as he swiveled around in his chair

Peter groaned.

"We are not having this discussion again."

"Peter you're an idiot if you don't like pineapple on your pizza."

"Harley, you're a disgrace to the entire state of New York if you do. Fruit is not supposed to go on a proper pizza."

Harley chucked a bolt at Peter's head.

"Hey!" He protested as he turned to look at Harley. And then he saw a glint in Harley's eyes.

"Pizza is a dish with everything from the food pyramid. You have grain, dairy, meat, vegetables, fats, and oh, wait, you don't like pineapple so you're missing out. You could be getting every nutrient from the food pyramid but you're an idiot so you miss your daily serving of delicious pineapple on your pizza."

"Oh my god, stop."

The boys busted out laughing for a full 3 minutes, eventually with Harley falling out of his chair. Tony walked in to find his kids cackling at who knows what, and one on the floor, almost incapacitated by his laughter. He sighed before clearing his throat to gain their attention.

The boys sobered up and finally stopped laughing but they had unshed tears left from the fun.

"What on earth were you two dying of laughter over? Should I call a therapist? Do I need to be concerned? Did you eat something that you shouldn't have?"

Harley sniggered as Peter was trying to keep a straight face.

"He was eating pretzel M&Ms!" Peter said, holding back his laughter. "The type that should be illegal!"

"Peter, you don't diss Pretzel M&Ms, they're an underappreciated member of the M&Ms family. If you think pretzel M&Ms should be illegal, you clearly haven't tried the raspberry ones." Harley replied while doing his best to keep his face straight. "If anything, you should call a therapist for Peter and help him overcome his aversion to pineapple on pizza."

Tony looked even more lost than he was before.

"Ok, I don't know what I'm supposed to make of this. FRIDAY, show me footage of what the hell happened while I wasn't here."

"Sure thing boss."

Friday pulled up security footage of Harley and Peter's conversation. Tony watched it as the two teens were snickering behind him. After he understood the situation he turned to his kids and let out a tired sigh.

"Ok, I don't understand your sense of humor, but I came to tell you that we're having Italian for dinner."

Peter pumped his fist and Harley just shrugged.

"Italian is fine by me I guess."

"All right kiddos, be in the dining room by 7ish or else I'll cut the power to these labs. We eat as a family."

*Time skip*

It was 2 am, Monday morning and everything was silent except for the faint noise of shuffling towards the ceiling.

Clint Barton was crawling around in the vents, obviously on his way to do something he probably shouldn't be.

He had lost a bet with Nat earlier and the punishment was that he had to steal something for blackmail off of FRIDAY's databases.

He quietly dropped out of a vent shaft into an important looking office. He didn't bother checking who it belonged to but he was already too far gone to ask.

"Ok Nat, what do you want me to look for?" He whispered into his earpiece.

"Check the computer on the desk. The password is written on a sticky note in your pocket."

He checked his pocket and there was indeed a post it with a password on it.

"Ok, what am I supposed to find?" He asked once he logged in.

"Look for footage from the labs." She said. "Check labs CTS2 and IAI1."

"CTS2 and IAI1, gotcha." He reaffirmed.

He browsed around until he found the cameras he needed.

"Ok, found em. What dates should I look at?"

"Look at this past Friday," She answered, "around 4:45 to 6:15 pm. Tony drank from a can of motor oil instead of his coffee cup. I would like this footage in my posession. For my entertainment, and possibly blackmail to pull on him."

"All righty, ok, uhhhh." He muttered as he searched through that window of time.

He watched snippets of the footage and fast forwarded a few times until he glimpsed footage of Harley swiveling around in his chair as Peter looked exasperated. He paused and rewound to see what the situation was.

As Clint watched the whole argument play out and the aftermath, a shit eating grin began to spread across his face. He emailed himself the whole interaction for his own entertainment (blackmail, cough cough) and went back to searching for what he originally came for. He eventually found it, sent it to Natasha, logged out of the computer, and climbed into the open vent.

"You get it?" Nat asked suspiciously.

"Oh yeah, I got it." He said, trying to hold back the mischievous laughter that was threatening to let loose. He checked his phone to see whether he got the email he sent to himself. But to his surprise and sudden panic, it was not there. His social media, however, was blowing up with comments about the two kids and who they were and theories people were spouting.

"Oh shit."

"What did you do, Clinton?" Nat asked in a threateningly monotone voice.

Clint banged his head on the vent, forgetting that he still had his comms on.

"I may or may not have accidentally exposed Peter and Harley as Tony's kids."

Nat was silent for a moment before she finally responded.

"Tony's probably going to kill you for this, so you should pack your bags right now. Make funeral arrangements as well and update your will."

"Ah shit."

*Monday morning, 6:45 am*

Peter woke up to his phone ringing. He groaned and turned on his side to ignore the call. The phone rang again and he sighed before reluctantly sitting up and grabbing his phone.

What the hell, who's calling this early?

He looked at his notifications and saw multiple missed calls and texts from Ned and MJ. Something must have happened because Ned had typed in all caps, 'PETER EVERYONE KNOWS! CALL ME NOW!' MJ's text just said, 'I knew already. Don't try to hide it from me whenever you come to school.'

Instantly, Peter was wide awake. Did the whole world know he was Spiderman? But how did this happen, who would leak that information and how did they get it?

He called Ned and before he could even say, "What's up?" Ned butted in with a sentence he was not expecting.

"Peter, when were you going to tell me your dad was Tony Stark?! This is even bigger than Spiderman! As your Guy in the Chair, I think this knowledge might have been missing in our conversations."

Peter was at a loss for words as he stood up.

"It's all over social media and people are going apeshit over this!"

"Ned, you shouldn't believe everything you read on the internet." Peter replied in a nervous tone as he began pacing back and forth in his room. "How do you know the source is credible? Remember what Ms. Hernandez said about credibility when giving information in an essays or whatever?"

"But Peter, Hawkeye was the one who posted it. You know, the Avenger who shoots arrows?"

Peter stopped pacing and froze midstep.

Uncle Clint was behind this? But why?

"You sure he wasn't hacked?" Peter asked as he feebly attempted to get out of this confrontation.

"No, it's security footage from a lab. Tony said in the video that you guys were a family."

Peter then realized that he couldn't worm his way out of this situation. The whole world knew he and Harley were brothers and the sons of Tony Stark. Of course this happened, why wouldn't it?

"I'm going to call you back, I need to talk to Clint." Peter said.

"Ok, just let me know if you and Harley are going to be ok or not." Ned replied.

"Bye Ned."

"Bye."

Peter hung up and took a deep breath before leaving his room to go find Clint.

He entered the kitchen and almost everyone was there except the one person he wanted to talk to.

"Hey, uh, where's uncle Clint?" Peter asked.

Uncle Steve looked up from his breakfast.

"He left last night. Family emergency."

"Uh huh, so correct me if I'm wrong but Clint left because dad was going to kill him, right?"

Suddenly everyone was avoiding eye contact with Peter. Yup, everyone knew what happened.

Just then, Tony walked in with a very irritated expression.

"I don't think you and Harley are going to be able to go to school today. Some kid from your school, Dash or something posted you go to school with him and know you both. So there are multiple news stations outside the tower and surrounding your school. Might be best to just stay home today."

"Is Uncle Clint still alive?" Harley asked as he walked in, yawning.

"He is alive," Tony responded "Not for much longer though."

"Dad, you can't just kill him." Peter protested. "It's not like he actually did anything that warrants his death."

"I don't think he meant to do it." Harley added. "He deleted it maybe 10 minutes after he posted it but other people recorded it on their own devices and re shared it. He probably realized what he had done and tried to delete it but of course, once it's out there, it's out there."

"Don't kill Uncle Clint, he's got a wife and kids. Besides, we need him on the team." Peter said.

"We don't need Clint," Tony said, waving his hand. "I already got a replacement set up."

Peter had not heard of this new team member that was apparently going to replace Clint.

"Who is it?" Harley asked curiously.

"Kate Bishop. She's already on her way here. Clint trained her to take over the mantle of Hawkeye anyway so it shouldn't be that big a deal." Tony shrugged. "She's a bit older than you two, 18 or 19, I can't remember at the moment."

"Ok, then, as long as she's trusted by you." Peter relented.

"Don't know what she might be like, but if Clint trained her, and they share similar personalities, whatever spirits above help us." Harley said solemnly.

Peter smacked Harley's arm.

"Hey!" He complained.

"She's not even here yet and you are badmouthing her already. Have some manners, dude."

"It doesn't matter at the moment right? You said it yourself, she's not here yet and I will 'have some manners' when she does."

All of a sudden, Peter heard a nearly imperceptible shuffling coming from above. He felt a shiver go down his spine and the instinct to get into a defensive position.

"He's right, you should have some manners young man." An unfamiliar voice boomed from above.

Harley looked around wildly in confusion.

"Who's there?! Are you a spirit from above???" He asked.

All of a sudden, a figure dropped out of the vent directly above Harley and tackled him to the ground.

"And that is Kate Bishop." Tony said, answering the question in everyone's mind.

Kate released Harley from her grip and she helped him up.

"Clint was right," She said, smiling. "Crawling through the vents to prank people is fun."

She looked up to the open vent and held out her arms, to everyone's confusion.

"Lucky, come on down!" She called.

To everyone's shock, a dog with one good eye poked his head out from the vent and jumped into Kate's arms.

"Oh crap, nobody has allergies to dog dander, right?" Kate asked, looking at everyone.

"Maybe? I'm not sure." Peter replied.

"Damn, I should have checked before bringing him, huh." Kate muttered.

Tony waved his hand at the dog.

"As long as he's potty trained, we should be fine." He said, trying to reassure her worries. "We're all fine with dogs."

Peter thought back to all the dogs he's pet on patrol. They always seemed happy to play with him and now there was a dog in the tower. Huzzah, he didn't get to only pet dogs on patrol now!

"Well, all's well that ends well, right?" Peter said.

"How about everyone gets acquainted with Kate?" Tony suggested. "It's not like you two are going to school today anyway."

Peter and Harley agreed and that day became a get to know the new team member day.

Peter texted Ned to let him know he was going to school the next day and invited him to the tower after school to meet someone. Oh the look on Ned's face when he found out would be priceless.

Taglist:

@frostedgiant

Send an ask if you would like to be tagged!

[redhawtriot]

Baby Boom (Bakugou x Reader)

Tip Jar ☕- Not expected but always appreciated💞

I felt as though since this story had such a specific narrative (especially delving into the harsh world of modeling and the effects of discrimination) that it would reach out to a very specific niche of reader.

I was actually astonished by loud support this fic has obtained so for, so thank you so much! I cannot stress enough how much that means to me. 

HnM 💕

Tag-list: @steggy4ever​ @library-trash​ @watevermelon​ @glimmadora-ble​ @persephones24​ @dragonempress123​ @your-pri-ncess @broken-from-fandoms​ @hot-pocket01​ @tsukineho​

Month 1, Month 3

--Month 2--

No.

You looked at the stick of plastic in your hand with wide eyes as your mouth stuttered into a slack jaw—your breaths hardly making their way in and out of your lungs evenly.

You squeezed your eyes shut so hard that you saw white spots underneath your lids before you snapped them back open again, internally praying that you would wake up form whatever nightmare you were having.

However, you couldn’t blink away the big, fat smiley face that stared back up at you from the piece of purple and white plastic that sealed your fate.

No. No. No!

The sudden urge to puke came back with a vengeance and you threw yourself to the toilet, slamming your knees to the ground in the process. As your stomach lurched up into your chest, you couldn’t tell whether the tears forming in your eyes were from the harshness of the motion or something else entirely.

“Gah!” you loudly choked out as you pulled away from the mess in the toilet. 

Once the nausea became slightly less debilitating you leaned back against your bathtub, throwing your head up as you groaned to the ceiling, “No, no, no, nooo…” you softly sobbed. You tried your best to keep from bawling so you didn’t find yourself with your head back in the bowl, but you couldn’t help the stream of hot tears that spilled from your eyes as you stared at the vent in the ceiling.

How could this happen? How could you be… pr...

A sudden stirring in your gut made you swallow hard as you tried to keep your stomach out of your throat.

Don’t be an idiot, Y/N. You took sex education in high school. You put the condom on the banana and were scolded with constant threats of STDs and the fires of Hell like everybody else. So yeah. You know how it happened.

You sighed as you thought back to all the guys you had slept with recently-- which was luckily not too many within the past few months, and only one since your last period.

Fuck, you didn’t even remember what the damn fathe-- guy looked like.

Well, excluding his rippling muscles.

You threw your head into your hands as the uncanny image of a body builder newborn infiltrated your mind. Well, that didn’t fucking help at all. Grabbing your hair tightly as you stared at the tile between your legs, you cursed yourself, “You dumbass! How could you be so goddamn stupid!? Stupid, stupid, stupid!” you repeatedly knocked against your skull.

You reached into the recesses of your memory for any information you might have about the guy. Where was his apartment again...? On the other side of town somewhere right… Near Club 52? God, you didn’t even fucking know! and what did it matter anyway, huh? What were you gonna do? Storm up to his place, pregnancy tests a-blazin’, and tell the complete stranger that you were carrying his kid?!

With a weak and tired moan, you lifted yourself off of your bathroom floor and went to the sink to rinse your bile infested mouth out and wash the salty tears off of your cheeks.

But not before you got a good look at yourself in the mirror.

Swollen eyes.

Red nose.

Drying, teary snot pooling on the rim of your upper lip.

“You look like shit,” you harshly reprimanded yourself before turning the sink on and sticking your face into the cool water. Your hands blindly reached around your counter until you finally grabbed a nearby hand towel to bring to your face. As you patted your cheeks dry, your eyes wandered to the counter where three other positive pregnancy tests that you had taken earlier that morning resided.

The trio all sported a similar smug smile as they looked up to you as if to say ‘we told you so.’

The little shits.

“Shut up.” You quickly grabbed all four tests and with a hint of bitterness chucked them into a nearby trash bin before making your way to your bedroom across the hall.

Plopping down onto your screeching mattress, you took your phone out:

Boss Lady

[2:50 pm]

Hey, brat. I hope you’re doing better.

Don’t forget that we have that runway fitting next week. And the test shots. And the international scouting event.

Think. Thin.

No carbs. No red meats.

NO ALCOHOL!!!

Fucking no alcohol for nine whole months. You attempted to scoff at this, but what came out could have probably been mistaken for the last sounds of a dying animal.

Kimi:

[3:31 pm]

Hope you made it home safe last night!

As you read this text, a piece of you wished that maybe you hadn't made it home safe last night... Your brain briefly wandered into the dark territories of ‘what if’s’ as you imagined falling in front of the train at the subway, walking past a drug deal gone wrong, hell-- drowning on the water you took with your Pepto Bismol. You quickly brushed these thoughts away as you continued looking through your phone, 

Boss Lady

[4:45 pm]

Oh, also Deku just asked for a meeting with you personally.

You’re going of course. Glad you got his attention. Good girl.

Tomorrow.  5:00pm. El Vino’s downtown. (EAT LIGHTLY!)

Inches! Inches! Inches!

You slammed your phone down onto your mattress as you loudly sighed.

Inches. Your entire livelihood depended on your damn inches and now there was no way you could maintain the “golden ratio.” The thought made your blood churn.

Modeling… was all that you had. You didn’t have any other fucking talents—no quirk to depend on-- so when would your growing stomach steal your life away?

When do people even start ‘showing’? 

You haven’t come across many pregnant women, but all of the ones you have seen either looked like normal people or like freaking beach balls. For some reason your brain couldn’t conjure an intermediate.

Did they just blow up out of nowhere? If so, then when? How long could you pull a ruse off before your growing organ snitched on you? 5 months? 6 months? Next fucking week?

You realized then that you knew next to jack squat about pregnancy.

Or damn kids for that matter.

Okay so... abortion? For some reason, even just the thought of that word made an icky taste surge in your mouth—or maybe it was the leftover vomit, who knows?

To be honest, you had never really thought much on abortion before—it was one of the many topics filed into your brain under ‘that does not and will not pertain to me, so why the fuck should I care?’ Filtered out and forgotten, your feelings on abortion had yet to be developed.

Until now.

After a few beats, you opened your phone back up and began to dial Kimi, fearing that you might soon explode with the brunt of knowledge that weighed heavily upon your shoulders.

You paused.

Had you ever actually talked to her about anything that wasn’t exclusively work related? In the past two years of knowing her, have you ever actually learned anything about her, and she about you? Very suddenly, you were slapped in the face by a crude fact: Kimi was just a work-friend.

That was fucking fine and dandy up until now. You pretty much either worked, or drank, or showed up to work drunk. But now…

Shit.

Who the hell else could you call? You barely had any friends, and you hadn’t talked to your family in what felt like ages. Who was there for situations like this? If half of your life was working, and half of your life was drinking, and your work friends were a no go… what about your drinking friends? Your mind briefly fled to the stashes of your best buddies-- vodka and tequila-- that you kept in your kitchen.

But not even they could save you now.

Fuck you really were alone.

That night, you found yourself constantly flipping your pillow to find a new dry spot to assault with fresh tears. You hadn’t cried so much since you were a kid. Wait-- come to think of it, you couldn’t even remember the last time you had cried at all.

So, was it hormones? Pregnancy hormones?

The surreal thought made your tears fly down your face even more furiously.

The next evening there was practically no trace or evidence of your mental breakdown from the night before as you strolled up to El Vino’s. It was honestly kind of frightening how quickly you had managed to pull yourself together before this little meeting—but mostly, it was empowering.

Okay, Y/N. You fucking got this. Hormones or not, you were still a baddie to your very core.

Deku was easy enough to spot in the little Mediterranean themed restaurant—with the green-ass hair and all. You strolled up to the table with the warmest smile that you could muster, “Mr. Deku,” you quickly approached his table and gave a slight bow.  

“H-Hey!” You seemed to startle him with your sudden appearance. He jumped a bit in his seat and awkwardly shifted as you made your way to your own chair. His face was a bit red as you maintained your eyes on his shying expression. 

“Look, before you say anything. I just want to say sorry,” his shocked eyes suddenly snapped back up to yours as you continued, “I had no idea that the event was yours and I probably ruined the rest of the night for you. If you want me off the brand deal, then I completely understand, just... don’t blame Ainu’s agency.”

His mouth fumbled over itself for a moment, causing you to quirk an unsure eyebrow before he could finally speak up, “No t-that’s not what I am here for at all, Miss L/N.”

“Call me Y/N. please,” your smirk was a little less sure than usual and you prayed that he couldn’t detect how off he had thrown you. This was going much different than you had expected it to. For one, he wasn’t trying to ‘put you in your place for disrespecting him’ or bargain  sex ‘as an apology’ like most power hungry men in his position would.

“Okay, M-miss Y/N,” the blush that adorned his cheeks confused you even further and you felt the space between your eyebrows involuntarily tighten. That was another thing… He didn’t seem like a typical man in a position of power. He was… soft... you didn’t know how else to explain it other than unusual for a man of his size and stature.

“I actually wanted to apologize to you,” he spoke up once more and you were completely lost by then. You could only blink as he continued to speak, “You really got me thinking about things the other night-- you were totally right. The brand of my sneakers did lose its true meaning. I really meant to have it be a symbol for kids growing up without a quirk to enjoy—to give them hope, but it turned into more of an endorsement to myself. The whole thing. It was wrong. That’s why I have decided to give 100% of my personal Red Sneakers profits to establishing my Quirkless Youth Initiative,”

You looked around for any hidden cameras—any hidden agenda behind his motives before looking back to him with a stiff expression. You had to physically keep your face from scrunching, “And just how are you going to make a living out of a mindset like that?” you dared to call his bluff.

“It’s just gonna have to work. It’s what my mentor would have done—given 100%. Beyond actually.”

Holy shit. This man was being serious. ‘100% and beyond’ serious, to be exact. Your face scrunched up once more, “Why do you care so much anyway?” you cut back on your tone as you noticed his eyes widen a bit at your accusatory voice, “Not to be rude, but… what’s a strong hero like you doing caring about us quirkless?”

He seemed to be lost in thought for a moment or two. Contemplating on whether or not he was going to lie, you noticed, “I… I…  didn’t have a quirk until much later in life. I was 14. Growing up, I always wanted to be a hero, and I just wish that I had someone back then believe in me. I want to be the one that tells kid’s—with a smile-- that they can do it. That they have at least one person who believes in them.”

His name-- Deku-- it meant worthless. The puzzle pieces were finally coming together and things began to make sense. It was a name that either himself or others used to describe him when he was growing up probably, and the man had taken it and spun it around to make it his own. Even you had to admit--

“That’s pretty damn impressive,” you couldn’t help the curl that tugged into the corners of your lips as Deku bashfully looked away from you,

“It’s nothing, really!” he tried to deflect. You gave a small laugh before smoothly bringing up the glass of wine in front of you to your lips. As soon as the liquid rushed in your mouth, your eyes flew wide open with realization,

Shit! What the fuck were you doing?

You immediately spit the alcohol back into your cup and snapped your eyes back to Deku who had, thankfully, been too caught up in his own embarrassment to be paying attention to you. You gave a sigh of relief and sat the wine glass as far away from you as inconspicuously possible. 

“So,” you leaned into the table a bit to get his eyes back on you, “Tell me about this Quirkless Youth Initiative,” you smiled. 

From that point on, you and Deku actually found talking to each other relatively easy—okay, extremely easy. In fact, you stayed past the point of dinner and ended up talking at your table hours after the bill had been paid.

You talked about everything and nothing altogether and didn’t know just when to end the conversation. You lowered your borders for some reason. Well-- you knew the reason. It was because you had been dying to talk to someone since you found out that you were the ‘p-word.’

 He ended up walking you home. Past that, for the next two weeks you guys pretty much saw each other every other day or two and talked fairly regularly. Things became habitual.

In fact.

As you stood in the beaming light of the wardrobe, getting your makeup done, you found yourself stealing little glances here and there to your phone to text with your new friend, Deku. Every buzz of your phone left you with a giddy sense of excitement.

One of the models sharing the gigantic mirror with you quickly took notice of your demeanor, “What are you smiling at, Y/N?”

“She’s texting someone,” another spoke up as your friend/babysitter, Kimi strolled up next to you,

“What?! Y/N L/N texting someone back? Have we entered the Twilight Zone??” she joked. You only responded with poking your tongue out at her before your phone buzzed again, 

Deku:

[1:00 pm]

Good Luck on your runway thing today!

You:

More like run away thing🏃‍♀️💨

Deku:

I could help? Bring comfort snacks?

You:

Most of us haven’t eaten a full meal in days BB

You would literally be stampeded by women

Wait that sounded too good🤔

You will literally be stampeded by hungry women***

Deku:

You haven’t been eating?!

Since when?!

You:

That’s not what I said. 

Just pre-show prep to keep the waists snatched and the legends skinny💁‍♀️

Deku:

Sorry I don’t know how your job really works.

I’ll come over again tonight after your show and bring dinner!

If that’s okay. Sorry didn’t mean to sound pushy.

“Didn’t you hear? Her and Deku really hit it off on their date,”  Your attention was instantly snapped away from your phone screen.

You gave an ugly snort, “It wasn’t a date.” And you certainly weren’t lying. The friendly atmosphere between you and Izuku felt comfortable as best—nothing intimate about it.

You wouldn't have it any other way. It felt as though he was placed in your life to perfectly fill the holes in your boat just before you started sinking.

“Girl your phone is blowing up!” a co-worker exclaimed, loudly.

Kimi laughed as she pinched your cheeks, “Look at that smile on her face”

All of the commotion gathered the attention of Boss Lady, who was currently storming up to you with the ‘phone box’ (or phone cemetery as some of you liked to call it) in her hand. She liked to have this on her especially in big events like runways or show casings because some of the girls—you were guilty as charged—spent quite a bit of time on their phones behind the scenes, “Phone. Bin. Now.”

Usually, you would put up some type of argument or give a quick-witted remark, but this time around you only rushed to send one final text in before you threw your cellphone into the crate.

You:

[1:33pm]

I should get off at like 11 see you then broccoli boy🥦🤪

Kimi looked terrified as though she was the one who had just incurred Ainu’s wrath, “Still smiling, huh...?” 

You hadn’t even notice that you had been.

Talking to Deku really did make you happy when you needed it. Just like he spun ‘deku’ around and made it make sense, he had spun your life around and did the same. He made you feel like life was normal—whatever the hell that was. You’d never really been classified as normal anyway, but you had some impression that this resembled what it must feel like.

For a fleeting moment you think that maybe you should just sleep with Deku and pass this pregnancy off as his since you had yet to tell him-- or anyone-- about it. 

But the better half of you instantly slaps this thought out through your ears.

Hello? Welcome to psycho bitch incorporated. Seriously. What the fuck was wrong with you?

Damn, you had been separated from your phone (and Deku) for exactly 23 seconds and you were already outta your cot-damn mind. You get one friend and suddenly you don’t know how to act. 

You needed to somehow find “blond muscle man” and let him know what was up. Fuck, how were you supposed to do that when you didn’t even know his name?

The runway that night went pretty much how every single other runway went, except this time-- you opted not to attend any of the after parties. Instead, you went home and had Deku over, who delivered on his promise with sushi. 

You could smell the sushi as soon as he walked through the door and your mouth instantly watered. He really was god sent. 

The two of you settled quickly in your apartment, deciding to risk it all and eat on your living room couch to watch TV; however, you quickly noticed that the TV wasn’t the only thing that Izuku was watching. As soon as you turned to raise an eyebrow on him he feebly attempted to avert his gaze, but you caught him anyways, “What? You better stop sizing me up unless you wanna fight, Deku,” you sang as you popped another sushi roll into your mouth.

“W-what sizing you up?!”

You cackled at the sudden redness of his face, “I’m just joking. We both know I’d probably kick your ass!”

“You think so?” he actually sounded a bit nervous in his tone, causing you to roll your eyes. 

“Oh, I know so,” you shrugged with a growing smirk, “Anyway. What are you staring so hard at me for?”

The air became very still around the two of you as he looked down to think. This was something that became pretty expectant of him these past few week-- a funny little habit.

“It’s just… we’ve been hanging out a lot the past few weeks and I never really noticed it—your… dieting,” he seemed to fall into that last word a bit as if it wasn’t exactly the word that he had wanted to use. 

You knew that he meant to say ‘starving yourself’ but was too reserved for that level of bluntness. That was okay with you. You weren't particularly ready to open that can of worms, “Damn, and here I was thinkin’ I was looking pretty damn good,” you joked as the both of you began cleaning up your food mess.  

“No. That’s not what I meant I—”

“Joking! I’m just joking with you, Big D,” you found yourself using this nickname for him whenever you wanted to see his face fall into it’s deepest shades of red. It worked every single time,

“I have just been at this for a long time—modeling for Ainu’s agency. Since I was 15 actually,” you shook your head a little at the surge of nostalgia that wanted to bubble up your back. You clutched a nearby pillow and hugged it to your chest, “She scouted me at a mall food court. She changed my entire life—for the better of course. She is practically my mom... I owe her a lot,” you found yourself giving into the nostalgia a bit-- a small, fond smile tugging at your lips. You looked up after a few beats of silence filled the air and was met with Deku’s admiring stare, “What? You nerd!” you exclaimed with a giggle, chucking the pillow at him. 

“It’s nothing. I just like hearing about you. I feel like I have been doing a lot of talking about me since we have been hanging out.”

Yeah, he was a Cancer zodiac for sure. You pretty much knew his entire life’s story after only the first week of knowing him, “Are you kidding me?! Your life is straight out of a comic book, BB! I love hearing about it!” You began talking to him from out of the kitchen as you put your leftovers in the fridge,

“You went up against the League of Villains, the Vanguard Action Front and The Paranormal Liberation Front as a freshman?? You powered up from a quirkless crybaby! (Hey!) to an amazing, uprising, super considerate, overpowered crybaby on his way to number one! Your U.A. friends all seem like comic book characters, too. I love them already from what you tell me,” you closed the fridge, revealing his shocked expression.

“Really?” You nodded, igniting a spark in his eyes, “Well, I am actually having a little get together at my place for my friends if you wanna stop by.”

“Yeah sure. As long as my favorite character, Kaminari, is there,” Izuku seemed shocked and slightly offended by your choice in favorite, so you clarified, “He sounded really cool and all with his ‘chatty zappy’ thing going on,” you suddenly rolled your eyes as a bad taste emerged in your mouth, “Kacchan sounds like a little bitch baby though, no offense.”

“Y/N!”

“What?! Kacchan can ‘Kach’ these ‘hans’! Oh come on. Not even a pity laugh? A little one?” You apparently thought you were a lot funnier than Izuku did. 

“I think the two of you might actually get along. You’re very similar now that I think about it,” he trailed off on his last part, seemingly talking to himself as he grabbed his chin. 

You almost felt offended by his comparison, “Fuck that. Oppisites attract, Similars repel. Besides. Why would I wanna be friends with a little bitch baby that bullies and pisses on quirkless people?”

“Well, when you meet him next week you might like him…”

You clicked your tongue, “So now I am obligated to come, huh?” you smirked.

“N-no well that’s not what I meant but I would appreciate if you—”

You were only half paying attention to his freak out as the abrupt craving for orange juice infiltrated your mind and placed itself on the forefront of your thoughts, “Deku. I am joking!” you absentmindedly reminded him as you scoured your pantries for a wine glass. You had taken to drinking out of these instead of regular cups to at least maintain a semblance of your old self. 

Izuku’s eyes widened at the sight of your collection of wines and alcohols in one of your cupboards. You smirked at him-- throwing him  look that said ‘you ain’t seen nothin yet’ as you opened your freezer to reveal the insane hoard of alcohol you had stored.

His jaw practically dropped to the floor at the sight, “Holy woah, you have an entire liquor store in here!”

“Saving for a rainy day,” you almost immediately realized the error of your words as Izuku motions to one of the windows near you. The two of you sat in a beat of silence as the pitter-patter of rainfall splattered against the glass pane.

“It’s raining today,” he grinned excitedly. 

“No... I cant,” the way that the words fell out sounded about as convincing as a disguise with groucho glasses. You could really go for a drink right about now.

He looked to you a bit sadly, if not disappointed, “Y/N if this is about your diet… I am just saying, I don’t think one day will hurt too much.”

“No, I really shouldn't.” Understatement of the century. 

Izuku grabbed two glasses out of your cupboard with a soft smile gracing his features, “We’ll pour you just a little bit in case you change your mind—”

Maybe one glass wouldn't hurt... No. NO! God, you knew he meant well, but he is really fucking making this hard for you!! “I cant, I’m pregnant!!” you suddenly yelled. He immediately froze, 

“Wha...?”

“I’m pregnant...”

“Oh... Uhhh congratulations,” the most unconvincing thing to have ever come out of his mouth probably, “Who…”

“I don’t know,” the look of utter horror on his face had you instantly backtracking your answer, “Well—let me rephrase that. I do know who it is, but I don’t know his name. It was a umm.. ‘Wam. Bam. Thank you ma’am’ type deal.” Your face began burning as hot blood rushed into your cheeks. You literally couldn't have phrased that worse if you tried. What the hell was wrong with you? 

“You don’t look pregnant...” the horror on his face now registered into your mind as pure shock. 

“I sure as hell would hope not. I am like a month-ish along—I think.”

“You haven’t been to the doctor?”

“Uhh no...” He was right, you didn't even look pregnant. There was no way in hell that you needed to go to the doctor yet. Right?

“W-wait! Y/N the night we met! You were drinking alcohol!”

“So? I am probably only like a few weeks pregnant and I drank like two glasses. I am sure it didn’t do anything…?”

“Are you really sure? How can you know!? You have to go see a doctor!” he looked terrified. It was as if he suddenly was the embodiment every stressed emotion that you had been shoving away from you these past few weeks and the sight scared you. 

“You’re freaking me out, Deku.”

He instantly froze, “S-sorry,” he looked down to his shoes. Maybe you just might let him pour those drinks after all. He looked like he could use both of them right about now...

The next week dragged on for what felt like eons, as Izuku seemed to cautiously dance around the topic of your “preexisting condition.” It was quite obvious that every time the topic came up, a cloud of discomfort would come and sit on his shoulders; however, the man still made it a point to urge the fact that you needed to set up a doctor’s appointment.

Eventually, you caved in and scheduled for one at a local clinic, but they couldn't get you in for a few weeks anyway-- the joint was at maximum capacity, you guessed?  Apparently, there were more pregnant bitches waddling around than you thought.

Still, Deku urged you to read up and research some things prior to your appointment so that you could ask the doctor any questions that might pop up. It seemed like he was almost way too into this-- taking notes in a composition notepad that he dubbed “Baby Notes Vol 1″ and even mentioning coming along with you to your clinic visit.

It made things extremely real. 

Your little safe space with Deku had effectively been conquered and subjugated by the little parasite that took residence in your body. You shook your shoulders with a sigh as you neared Deku’s door for the party. 

*KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK* 

When the door opened you couldn't help the way that your eyebrows flew up in surprise at the sight of a woman opening the door. Uhh... did you go to the wrong house?

The brown haired girl in front of you looked just as surprised as you-- if not even more so. 

Okay, you definitely went to the wrong house.

The sudden sound of Izuku’s voice coming deep from withing the apartment led you to breath easy. You deflated a little bit as you relaxed. You wouldn't have to make a mad dash in a lagged game of ‘ding dong ditch’ after all,  “Y/N L/N. Nice to meet you.”

A series of emotions flashed across her expression at your greeting: shocked, nervous, then... disappointed? “Y/N! I’ve heard... so so much about you!” the smile that stretched across her lips seemed almost painful, “I’m Ochako Uraraka! I... love your hair!” she threw out the last part like a rabbit would throw steak to wolves. 

“Thank’s...” you felt fucking awkward and she still hasn’t let you into the apartment, “I’ll make sure to thank the stylist and the bottle of dye she used.”

“That’s not your real hair color? It looks so healthy though!” she seemed heartbroken as she used a pitying tone and you could gauge that the pity was not for yourself. 

“Nah. My agency pretty much determines what hairstyles I wear...”  You made eye contact with Deku inside of the house as he made his way to the door... Thank god! you were saved from that terribly awkward interaction.

“Agency? Hero agency?”

“Modeling, actually. I’m not that badass,” you smirked before walking into the party.

Her figure deflated as if to say, ‘of fucking course’, “Oh. That’s cool!” You didn’t see much of Uraraka after that 

Meanwhile, Bakugou was just a tick away from being angry enough to kill. His roommates had all three convinced him to go to this get together over Deku’s house and they weren't even going to be there on time! 

He had honestly never been to a party with these losers without at least Shitty Hair being with him, so he wasn’t exactly sure how it would pan out and that really bothered him. He wasn’t exactly social at these events, but at least the three stooges kept him somewhat entertained (he would never admit this aloud).

What could those other losers possible do to entertain him?

“Whyyyyyyy?” he heard crying as he neared Deku’s home. His face scrunched in on itself even further than usual as he approached the whining noise. He scoffed at the inebriated mess in front of him,

“What the hell are you doing, round face?”

Uraraka, who was leaning against the edge of Izuku’s front patio looked up, causing Bakugou to deeply grimace at the germy snot that trailed down her red face, “Deku’s new girlfriend sure is cool. He deserves someone like her, right? She’s perfect!” Bakugou couldn't help the way that his face shriveled into itself in disgust. 

It wasn't too late. He could still turn around and go the fuck home and no one would even know he was here. Well, save for bubble cheeks here, but she probably wouldn't even remember to be honest. 

But as soon as Bakugou turned back around to make his escape Uraraka spoke up again, “She’s a model. They met at the Red Sneakers Event apparently,” Of course this piqued the man’s interest. There were only a few models branding the event and he just so happened to be searching for one of them. Uraraka continued with her drooling of words as Bakugou brushed past her and made his way into the house-- not bothering to knock,

“You know I am the one who gave him that idea in the first place? It’s kinda like. I set him up with his future wife!” she drunkenly cried to no one in particular as Bakugou stormed away.

He passed Iida on his way in, “Go get round face and shut her drunk ass up-- she’s outside,” he didn't bother on stopping to further explain before walking back to the commotion of the party.

 As soon as he entered the packed room, his eyes landed on you. It was like the Red Sneakers Event all over again. You were simply glowing-- hard to miss-- especially with the crowd of his old classmates hovering around you like some damn flies on shit-- especially Deku. He was way too close to you-- the rat bastard. 

“Oooh! You’ve been to Milan! That’s so cool, girl! So you must get to sight-see like a lot!”

The way that your shoulders leaned and swayed as you talked sent flutters into Bakugou’s heart. Fucking gross. He watched you speak very intently-- searching for the magic you had used to bewitch him, “Actually I was working a lot when I was there, so I really only got to see the sets and runways,” you made fleeting eye contact with him from across the room, furrowing your eye brows a bit at his stare before breaking the gaze. 

“Do you get to keep the outfits after the shoots?!”

“Pfft. Hell no! This loser still hasn’t sent me a pair of his red shoes. What happened to helping the quirkless, huh, broccoli boi?” The most primal urge of jealousy that Bakugou had ever felt sprinted through his body as you leaned over to playfully tap that shitty Deku in the arm. The feeling was so intense that he hadn’t even registered what you had said fully. 

“You’re quirkless?” Racoon Eyes inquired, snapping Bakugou out of his feral trance. His face fell a bit as he dutifully awaited your answer. 

“Yeah. It’s whatever,” you shrugged.

“The competition must be so difficult!” Momo spoke up as she placed and apologetic hand to her chest. The gesture made you tense up a bit, but you reminded yourself that she probably didn't mean it in a belittling way as she continued,  “I’ve been to a few magazine shoots myself and it is always girls with flashy quirks who end up in front and center!”

“Well, I compete well, I guess,” you knew that hero hero modeling and your fashion modelling were two completely different worlds. Designers saw you guys mostly as clothing racks and mannequins for their clothes, so usually they wanted their models to be as mundane as possible-- not to distract from their fabric art. So basically the perfect job for someone like you, “it’s no big deal. I get by like everybody else.”

“You just live your life like normal!”

“Awhhhh. Y/N. You’re an inspiration!”

Suddenly you felt extremely tired. You couldn't find the energy within  yourself to filter out and soften your next response, “Glad I could inspire you just by breathing I guess.” you gave the girls a slight smile as you shrugged, but the undertone of your comment had not gone unnoticed-- especially by Bakugou who found himself stifling a proud smirk.

You once again made eye contact with him in this moment-- this time not daring to backtrack your gaze until he did-- a warning sign to back he hell off with that staring shit.

As the night progressed you found yourself becoming more and more tired. The debilitating sense of sudden fatigue actually felt like it had taken over even your bones at this point as the aching structures weighed heavily inside of you skin. You decided after about an hour that you were gonna make an early trip back home.

“What, why!?” Deku scanned your face nervously-- he thought you had been having fun!

“Just really damn tired suddenly.”

“Oh...” he trailed off, but suddenly realized the hidden context of your words. Baby Notes vol 1 page 4 section 3: ‘prenatal fatigue’, “Ohhhhh okay! Right! Well Let me call you a taxi or something.”

“Nahh, I’ll walk,” you waved him off as you made your journey toward small crowds of his friends-- waving them goodbye. Deku followed you in your path around his house, 

“W-what? You can’t be serious! You shouldn’t do that!”

You turned around and threw your hand on his shoulder, causing him to instantly freeze up, “I’ll be fine,” you smirked throwing your hand up to his cheek to gently pat his face. Of course, he was left a shivering, blushing mess. It was a low blow, but, hey, it gave you a good opportunity to escape. 

You felt a wave of relief as soon as you made it a few steps outside of the apartment. You released a heavy sigh as you continued walking away. 

Finally. You internally planned the rest of the night in your head: orange juice, Netflix and sleeeep. You could finally just let yourself relax and--

“HEY!” you jumped out of your skin a little at the sudden loud shout. You whipped around to see that blond spikey-haired dude from Deku’s house attempting to close in on you. 

You rolled your eyes as he neared. Hardly throwing him a glance as he approached you to walk a little behind you, “God. You’re the weirdo that was staring at me all night,” you groaned, hoping he would catch your drift. 

“We need to talk!” 

One of you eyebrows instantly quirked up as your lips curled into a look of disgust. You whipped back around towards him, “Look, I am actually tired as hell, so excuse me for my bluntness, but FUCK OFF!” You only caught a glimpse of his flabbergasted expression before you spun back around to storm down the stairs entering the subway. 

“You really don’t know me?” he sounded pissed. 

That’s when it hit you. 

“Oh! it’s you!” you snapped your fingers at the sudden realization, 

“You’re Kacchan!” the look of disgust that hardened on his face intensified by ten fold when he heard you use that nickname. You continued regardless as you neared the train platform, “The asshole bully who likes to pick on quirkless kids. Yeah, well, I don’t give a damn how great you think you are, buddy. You can really fuck off now!” you spun once more to ditch him; however this time around your ankle twisted from underneath you, causing your body to fall down toward the ledge of the platform where underneath the tracks resided.

Bakugou cried out something like ‘you idiot!’ before grabbing you by the waist and yanking you into him before you could completely fall down the ledge. Everything happened so quickly that you hadn't even realized that you were holding your breath until you gasped heavily into his chest.

With a shocked expression you trailed up his neck to his face until you were met with his vermilion eyes, “Shit…” suddenly a wave of familiarity crashed into you. you breathed deeply, “I-It’s you...”

[ikehorganics]

HOW TO REDUCE BINGE

EATING OVEREATING,

AND BORED EATING:

disclaimer: i am aware that binge eating is an eating disorder, but not a lot of people have access to professionals to help them, and this guide could help a number of people struggling with binge eating, it could be successful to some binge eaters but not all. i hope this assists you, and this all comes from a place of good faith not malicious intent. i am also aware that binge eating does NOT equate to bored eating or overeating.

skip the preface if you want to skip straight to the tips!

PREFACE:

I have been in quarantine for nearly nine months, and I have struggled with multiple aspects of my everyday life that have had to be changed and adapted to the new rules of society. Since the beginning, I have always preached about staying in doors, social distancing, not going out to into open places without a mask etc because this is a direct reflection of the respect you have for yourself and the people around you. In this strong belief, I found myself struggling to juggle being a first year university student, my fitness, mental health, food and constantly being bored within my house.

Food was the hardest aspect, and with being surrounded by food 24/7, weight gain was inevitable. At first, I had not realised how I ate on a regular basis, I woke up at 6am, and would be at uni between 8am and 5pm from monday to thursday, where i would usually only eat one meal and a snack between that, whether it be left overs from dinner for lunch and an apple or piece of fruit for when i feel a bit peckish, and 2litres of water. My day consisted of four lectures ranging from 1 hour to two hours and walking around a lot because I hated sitting for a long time, and occasionally doing summaries or watching netflix between lectures. And when i got home, I had dinner and would go to bed. That was my routine and it was never truly surrounded by food constantly available at my every beck and call.

During quarantine, I was filled with procrastination and demotivation to attend lectures online or read my books. And all that extra time was filled with having an efficient workout routine and eating, but then that eating turned to eating quite frequently whether i was watching television, and mainly eating for the sakes of eating and in gross portion sizes because it was now available. Let's talk about how I broke out of that cycle of over eating and bored eating:

1. PLAN YOUR DAY PRODUCTIVELY.

I needed some direction in my life, I forced myself to plan every hour of my day so I can do something productive for myself. I planned the times from when I would wake up at 8am, to the time it took to fix my bed, brush my teeth, workout, stretch, eat my meals, nap, spend time outside, spend time on social media and more. Not only did my eating habits straighten out, but I got more done with my day.

2. SET EATING TIMES.

Setting eating times was the best thing I had ever done. Breakfast was always at 12 midday, lunch at 2 pm and dinner at 6pm, but these were my eating times, especially since i was intermittent fasting. These times helped me plan my day accordingly, between eating times I would usually fill my day with studying, and doing summaries, catching up with work I had missed. This helps especially if you have a restrictive diet or fast a lot! Restricting calories and fasting for extended periods of time only adds to the urge of falling into a binge cycle because your body feels the needs to refeed!

3. LISTEN TO YOUR CRAVINGS.

Listening to your body is so important. If you want to eat pizza for lunch, don't eat a salad, eat the pizza because it will be mor satiating than that salad or pasta that you might not want as much. Because that pizza might just pop into your mind late at night and you will have a little late night feast, this applies especially if you are counting calories. Having cravings are normal, and unless you are on a no bs diet that is extreme, you shouldn't deny yourself of something that you really want for something that won't leave your soul satiated.

4. DRINK WATER DURING MEALS.

I won't say much on this, but having water before, during and after your meal is so important. It aids in better digestion and adds to the feeling of being satiated when you are done eating, plus it's an easy way to get your water in. Replace that coca cola or soft drink with water, especially if you know you don't get enough glasses of water into your day.

5. LEMON WATER.

A cup of warm water and a wedge of lemon juice squeezed into it is super refreshing, sip on it throughout the morning before breakfast, to aid in digestion. Lemon water is a thing that is constantly brought up, and shut down for being "ineffective" but it works for me, and I believe that it is a phenomena of the mind. If you believe lemon water can help, it will definitely help you because you have manifested its impact on your health. Lemon water and warm water is one of those things that 'curb' hunger, and if you are one of those people who sometime wake up hungry but can't bring yourself to eat so early because it could make you nauseous, then water lemon water in a glass is the drink for you.

6. EAT WHOLESOME AND NOURISHING FOODS.

Calories are a touchy subject, and they add up very quickly very surprisingly. A bowl of oatmeal will have a lot of volume, leave you satiated and keep you full longer than toast and nutella. No one is saying do not eat the nutella, but adapt it into a meal that will leave you full and satisfied for example, if you want something sweet, heave oatmeal with a tablespoon of peanut butter or nutella inside of your oatmeal! Eat foods that will nourish you and give you enough energy to go about your day.

7. PORTION CONTROL AND PHYSICAL FULLNESS.

Portion sizes are all up to you as an individual and how satiated a portion size leaves you. Eat portion sizes that leave you satiated, but remember that being satiated does not equal to being so physically full that you feel uncomfortable as a result of eating too much. Being satiated is very difficult because sometimes you eat food that tastes amazing, and even though you are physically full, you feel like you could eat more and that becomes problematic because you've eaten past your bodies physical limit. Eating what you are craving ( number 3 ) comes into play with this aspect, as you have to be able to know when enough is enough. If you feel as if your portion sizes are huge and want to reduce them, then reduce it gradually whether it means you want to go from eating 4 slices of pizza to 2 slices of pizza, then begin with eating 3 and a half slices or eating one less scoop of pasta than you usually eat. If you have no idea how to stop eating past your physical limit, eat until you feel like you're just about to be physically full, do this for a week, and see how you will become satiated with the portions you are eating, gradually lessen the portion sizes overtime until you are happy with the amounts you are eating! This won't happen immediately, it is a gradual process.

8. DON'T EAT TOO FAST. CHEW YOUR FOOD.

A lot of the time, we do not realise how fast we eat and how we don't thoroughly chew our food. The food isn't running away, take your time to enjoy your meal and chew it instead of swallowing after a few times of grinding your teeth. Take in the flavour of your food and really enjoy it in the moment.

9. IT IS OKAY TO FALL INTO OLD HABITS, BUT BREAK IT AS SOON AS YOU CAN.

Nothing in life happens in a linear manner, everything is gradual and has its ups, its downs, its regressions and just general moments we are not proud of. If you find yourself in a binge cycle or overeating cycle for a day or a week, it does not meal all progress is lost. It means you are human, you are not engineered to be perfect constantly. Have a mantra for yourself that you repeat to comfort yourself: “it is okay, tomorrow will be better.” or “it was just one day, i can go back to normally eating tomorrow.” or “I shouldn’t be too hard on myself, it happens to everyone.”

10. INCORPORATE HEALTHY FOOD GROUPS INTO YOUR MEALS.

Make your meals satisfying and as colourful as possible! Don’t just eat pasta or pizza, eat it with something healthy like a side salad or a side of fruits or a side of healthy carbs like roasted potatoes! Never just eat one thing especially if it doesn’t have any greens or vegetables!! It doesn’t have to even be a salad or anything fancy! It can be cut up tomatoes, or cucumbers or apples!

11. HEALTHIER ALTERNATIVES MEAN YOU CAN EAT MORE FOR LESS.

Your oven, grill or airfryer is your bestfriend. Fried food is delicious, but you feel insecure at times after eating something that was cooked in heaping amounts of oil. Remember an airfryer is just a small oven, and can do wonders too. If you want a burger and you have time, home made burgers are always amazing and tastier than their fast food counterparts! Make your burger at home so you can control what goes into it, or make your fries in the oven so you can have a much more healthy alternative for less calories, and have more of it! I’m not saying make your burger buns something like lettuce buns, but making your burger at home can significantly reduce the calories in comparison to ONE mcdonalds burger, and you can have two for less calories than once burger if you make it at home.

I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! Hopefully these tips can assist you day to day, and you take them into consideration and even test it out! These tips worked for me, and I know they won’t work for everyone but some of them might be helpful to you!

[sanakoreanlangblr]

2021 Goals

Heyy! I’ve decided to put my goals for this year here, hoping that that might motivate me further, and maybe motivate someone else as well. Good luck everyone! And please take extra care of yourselves and your health, mental or otherwise! Everything else can wait.

This year has been difficult for all of us. As for me, even now, the upcoming semester is a big question mark. Currently I’m studying in France, and this semester I was supposed to go on an exchange to Taiwan buuuut that’s not happening anymore, as it has been cancelled. So per my school’s requirements I need to find an internship in the place of expatriation, which is a pain now. And that basically just means I have no idea where I’m going to be in the coming year or what I’m gonna be doing ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Sorry, needed to complain for a bit, as I am going absolutely insane with the stress…

Anywayyyy, I still hope I will be able to uphold most of these goals, wherever I will end up. I tried to not make them overly big, so that I won’t get burned out too fast. But I have a whole year for those, some of these have dates for which I could expect to finish but I will not keep to them very strictly. Whatever happens, happens :))

Also, sorry if there are any mistakes, English is not my first language!

Korean (A2 -> B1)

1. Do 100 lessons of grammar from the HowToStudyKorean website.

I’ve started a few grammar books but in the end decided to settle on this website as I like its explanations best, and it provides the most example sentences when introducing each point. A nice touch is also the fact that it includes a list of a number of new words before each chapter, which gives me some new vocabulary to learn :)

So far I’ve divided the grammar points introduced in lessons into „to learn”, „to revise”, „already know”, and turns out I have:

66 „to learn”

35 „to revise”

32 „already know”

So if I did 3 points a week, I should be done around August.

2. Read 2 little stories per week from “Easy Korean Reading for Beginners”.

There is 30 stories in the first one (I already did 5), so I should be done by the middle of April.

3. Do one chapter per week from “My first hanja guide”.

I just got this book for Christmas and haven’t had the time to fully go through it so we will see how it goes.

4. Do Anki at least three times a week.

Every day would be preferable but I know that would last like a week at most.

5. Have iTalki lesson at least once a week.

That one is not a problem as I have been doing one or two per week for the last year, but I would just like to keep it up.

6. Try writing at least twice a month, and at least 2 pages.

Yeahhh that one is a bit of a bother, as writing still takes me a long time so we will leave it a twice a month and see how it goes.

7. Watch one youtube video per week on Korean grammar or vocabulary.

Generally I would say my goal is to use Korean more, as I know quite a lot but when I’m speaking I tend to go towards the easier words and grammar, which is why I am thinking that writing more could help me. And also I really want to focus on learning vocabulary as that’s always been a pain for me, I’m more of a grammar lover :))

French (A2 -> hoping for upper B1/ beginning of B2)

1. Finish the intermediate grammar book. I’m currently doing „Grammaire Progressive du Français” Intermediate edition, for A2/B1.

The problem is that my grammar knowledge of french is a mess , so going through this book is a bit of an annoyance, as most chapters I technically know but each time I find some nuance I wasn’t aware of... therefore I need to go through it, even the chapters I would have assumed I know :|

So I divided the chapters the same way I did Korean, into „to learn”, „to revise”, „already know”, and I ended up with:

14 „to learn”

34 „to revise”

4 „already know”

So technically if I did 2 points a week, I should be done in June.

2. Read the two french books I got for Christmas (“Les aventures d’Alice au pays des merveilles” and “Le tour du monde en quatre-vingts jours”).

3. Read at least two of the Harry Potter books in French.

I have started the first one this week, and I can tell it’s gonna be a very very slow process. It’s the first book I’m reading in french so it’s a bit difficult and frustrating but hopefully it’ll get better as I go along.

4. Watch at least 4 french movies, with french subtitles.

5. Learn a french song.

6. Read one story per week from „French Stories for Beginners”.

These are quite easy, but they are a nice practice for switching to books later on.

I don’t know if I’m gonna keep this one in, depends on how much my reading of actual books will progress.

7. Get to point 5 on the Duolingo tree.

I use Duolingo mostly as a revision tool, so I’m not really going to focus on it much, but still want to keep it up.

8. Watch one YouTube video per week (on any topic).

9. Listen to two podcasts per month.

10. At least one iTalki lesson per week.

11. Do Anki at least 3 times a week.

I really need to listen to french more, as I’m good at reading and I usually understand that pretty well, and I’m not the worst as speaking, but I am absolutely terrible at listening :| So that’s a priority.

Chinese (tbh I don’t know...end of HSK1/Beginning of HSK2 -> let’s say the goal is HSK3 for this year)

1. Finish the book „Integrated Chinese”

I’m having a tough time to pick a book from which to learn but I guess for now I’ll continue with that one.

Again, I divided the points in the book to „to learn”, „to revise”, „already know”, and ended up with:

47 „to learn”

11 „to revise”

15 „already know”

So doing 2 a week I should be done in July.

2. Learn 15 characters a day

I am way behind on learning characters.. I remember the words well but I didn’t put enough time to learn the characters at the start and now that’s gonna be a bit annoying to catch up on :|

3. Finish the drama „Go Ahead”.

4. Watch 3 Chinese movies, with both English and Chinese subtitles.

5. Have one Italki lesson per week.

6. Learn a children song in Chinese

7. Watch one youtube video per week on grammar.

8. Do Anki twice a week.

Generally focus more on characters. My speaking isn’t terrible (well besides the tones), but I need to work on the grammar a bit more as I seem to mess up the structures quite frequently. I need to put more work outside of my lessons. Since I found out I’m actually not going to Taiwan this semester my motivation has fallen a bit, but on the other hand I now have more time to prepare for fall, at which point I will hopefully be able to go!

Personal

Read 20 books.

I have always loved reading but in the past two years the amount of books I’ve read has gone down, which upsets me a bit…  On the other hand the amount of fanfiction I’ve read is tremendous, so there’s that. However I would like to make more effort to read this year, especially since I’ve accumulated a huge pile of books over those few years.

2. Workout regularly.

Right now I’m at home, so that should be easy to do. I don’t really know what’s gonna happen this semester, so we’ll see what I’m going to do about that later.

3. Eat better.

Meaning: cut down on sugar, eat more veggies and fruit.

4. Get a bit closer to my ideal weight

I’m not necessarily focusing on that this year as the previous one has been hell and really managed to deteriorate my mental health back to high school levels... but still hopefully working out a bit and eating less sugar, more veggies, I will be able to lose a tiny bit of weight. But overall I just want to focus on being a bit healthier.

5. Clean out my wardrobe

Sorry that’s a silly one but I’ve been getting to it for half a year now and I’m just too lazy to do that... maybe once I put it here I will have some motivation

6. Take care of my face and hair

So my sensitive skin hates wearing masks and needs extra care these days I need to really focus on it and baby it, to not go back to the awful red mess it was two months ago

As for my hair, I have kind of 3a curls which I haven’t been taking care of properly and plus I damaged them with hair dye (still I refuse to give up ginger hair, I blame Merida). So now during lockdown and quarantine season I finally had some time to read up on hair care of curls, and honestly after a month I can already see the difference, and well I hope for the best :)))

7. Get a tattoo

It’s something I’ve always put off since I either didn’t have the money or time. And now again both are problematic, so I will wait for the decision until I know what my school semester is going to be like. Maybe this time I will find a good moment! (Although honestly saving up for travelling after all this is over is also a great idea :))) )

8. Don’t go to sleep at 5

Yeah so during lockdown and because of online classes my sleeping schedule got so messed up I don’t even know what to do about it anymore. And while my goal isn’t to switch it to 10 pm, cutting it to 2 am at max would be nice

9. Watch 25 movies

10. Sell/donate the things that I don’t need

I’ve accumulated a huge pile of books, movies, CDs, Xbox games, art products - that I need to get rid of - and I’ve been saying that for like three years now, about the same pile of things. I will try to do that one this year!

I hope everyone’s 2021 will be a ton better than 2020! Keep fighting!

[oftenderweapons]

Apple Of My Pie (6) — Jin

A Small Town Swoons story

Chapter 6.

Pairing: Kim Seokjin x reader (nicknamed Buttercup)

Wordcount: 3.8k

Genre: non-idol!AU, Baker/Café owner!Seokjin, University student!reader Flatmates!AU, Friends To Lovers; angst, very little fluff

Rating: suggested 18+ for future smut and swearing

A/N: Hello my cupcakes! Welcome to the Small Town Swoon Universe! 🥰✨

In this episode: Jin and Buttercup have been apart for a while. Both mourn for their separation, Buttercup nursed by the attentive care of Jeongguk and Yoongi, while Seokjin prefers dwelling on his feelings in solitude. In the deepest darkness, some sense finally sheds a light, thanks to the words of an unexpected ally. 

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Swearing. Both jin and Buttercup are underfed, which leads to a sense of coldness and numbness, fatigue and haziness that are mentioned in the fic. 

Remember to vote for next prompt (check the link in my bio) and in case you need it, here’s my masterlist 💜

If you’d like some company, here is the music companion (Spotify only, sorry 😔)

Enjoy ✨💜

Navi: Chapter 1 — Chapter 2 — Chapter 3 — Chapter 4 — Chapter 5 — Chapter 6 — Chapter 7 (7/7)

He missed you.

He missed you a lot.

He missed you waking up at two am to raid the kitchen. He missed hearing your laugh from across the apartment while you watched something.

He missed hearing you ramble on and on about literature in your own room as you studied your lessons, he missed breakfast together, he missed waking up at two pm after a night shift and having late lunch together after you came back from your lessons. He missed making you hot cocoa, watching films together, having dinner, talking about boring stuff.

He missed you.

He had been missing you for two weeks now, and soon they would become three.

Nineteen days. In a few hours he would have to handle one more Saturday dinner alone, one more Saturday night without watching a film with you on the sofa. And then another Sunday morning when he would cook too much food and end up bringing it to Taehyung.

Nineteen days.

That’s how long you had been missing.

And every time he came back home, one more piece of you disappeared. Your toiletries had vanished on that unfortunate Sunday. That inglorious, tragic Sunday, when he was still too confused to understand the end had started.

On Monday, the first few books were gone; your currently reading novels, usually abandoned on the coffee table, had disappeared.

Next your blanket, the one his granny had gifted you for your first Christmas away from home. That was on Tuesday, with some more books.

The emptiness he had prayed for ever since he had decided he needed to fall out of love with you was slowly conquering the apartment. The same emptiness, once a welcome feeling in his mind, now manifested in his heart as a slow, ruthless strangling, the one where you know exactly what is happening, and you feel every cell of your body oppose, fight for oxygen, like a person clawing at the offender’s fingers tightening around their throat.

He felt like he was drowning, inch by inch, unfathomably.

He rang the door bell.

A disturbingly sweet scent of tuberose met his nostrils. He flinched.

“Hi, come in!”

“We can order in some pizza or I could make pasta. Or risotto.” Jeongguk sat beside you, stealing your book and putting it down. “You need to eat, Sweets.”

You shook your head. “I’m okay, I’m just not in the mood.”

“Just a little, come on. Make me happy.” He begged, looking at you with those eyes that made it impossible to deny him.

“Okay. Just a little, though, I’m really… Not okay.” You admitted, snuggling up next to Bibby, his torso pillowing your head.

He scared you with a sneeze before you both settled down again. The dog had become your shadow, following you everywhere, as if he could sense your deep need for affection and support.

Jeongguk nodded. “Can you handle a baby pizza? We can eat the leftovers tomorrow for breakfast,” he mused, letting you know it was okay even if you didn’t finish your food.

He just wanted you to eat.

You were cold all the time, your teeth always clattering, your body so weak after days of eating the very minimum to stay alive and studying.

In the last few days you had even given up on attending university, your friends and study buddies sending you the recordings of the lessons. One of your teachers had even noticed your absence and Lara had diligently made up an excuse, saying you had caught a bad flu and that you were slowly recovering.

“Lemme call the pizza place.” Jeongguk cupped your cheek, studying your face, so pale, your eyes, so tired.

You nodded.

Jeongguk sat up and called. “Hi, it’s me. Yeah, can I have a baby Margherita in ten? I know, it’s Friday and rush hour, just a baby Margherita… You’re the best. Yes, I’ll bring you candies. Go to work. Yeah, bye.”

You blinked a few times, quite surprised at Jeongguk’s relaxed tone as he talked to the person on the phone.

“It’ll be here soon. Why don’t you rest your eyes a little. You need that, Sweets.” He reminded you.

He could be so apprehensive, so caring and observant.

He seemed to know everything, the same way Jin did. Still, you were far from feeling for Jeongguk the things you felt for Jin. It felt like that path you had walked to Seokjin would never lead you to Jeongguk, though you had considered.

It wasn’t a matter of food, or time, or affection or care. It was something deeper, deeper than attraction and spending time together and laughing at the same jokes.

It was as if your soul didn’t feel at home in his space, like it could never inhabit his body the way it inhabited yours. Or Seokjin’s.

You closed your eyes.

“Good for you.” Jeongguk said, fixing the blanket around you, adding an extra one for your feet, knowing that they always got cold.

“She’s sleeping.”

“Does she sleep a lot?”

“Quite a lot, yes.”

“Did she lose weight?”

“Yes, definitely.”

“Does she eat, even just a little?”

“When I’m around, yes, but I’m not usually home for lunch. I’m pretty sure she eats breakfast and dinner. Very little food, but at least she eats.”

“That’s reassuring.”

“Yoongi, she’s trying.”

You could hear some voices from the kitchen table, but you refused to open your eyes. You could recognise them with your eyes closed anyway.

Spice’s voice appeared. “I bet she’s exhausted. He looked bad too. They’re hurting so bad, both of them.”

“They had chances, Spice. They turned them down. Maybe they’ll learn the lesson.” Yoongi said coldly.

“Not everyone is like us, baby. They’re taking their time.” Spice calmed him down.

“They won’t have forever.” Yoongi objected with a slight growl in his voice.

Jeongguk stared as Spice brought an arm around Yoongi’s shoulders, pulling him into her chest. She knew it was his history making him speak with so much anger and tension. “If it doesn’t happen, then they’re not meant to be.”

Yoongi relaxed a little. “If they aren’t, then I don’t know who is.”

Spice shook her head. “They’ll work it out.”

Jeongguk placed his head against his hands. “She’s just freezing cold, all the time.”

“You mean her body temperature or her mood?” Yoongi questioned.

“Her temperature.”

Yoongi tutted. “Give her more sugars. She needs fruit and honey and chocolate. Keep those on the coffee table so you can keep them in check, see if she eats.”

“Sure thing.”

“Has she seen him?” Spice asked, still holding Yoongi’s hand.

“No. I don’t think so. Lara tells her when he’s at the bakery so she can go home and get what she needs.” Jeongguk replied.

Yoongi breathed heavily. You could tell it was him by the way his exhale was drenched in exasperation. “That man. He will drive me mad. He’s so stupid.”

“He has a girl—”

“Which in my opinion he should have never had.” Yoongi commented.

“It’s his choice, Yoongi. He fucked up. I’m here for her.” Jeongguk objected. “I’m her friend.”

“You had feeli—”

“I had them. In the past. You know how this works, Yoongi. How it works for me. She’s never been it. I’ll know when the right one comes.” Jeongguk stated, as determined as ever.

“Then learn the lesson from that fucker and when she comes, tell her what she means to you.” Yoongi said, squeezing Spice’s hand in his.

“I’ll tell her so much she’ll get tired of it.” Jeongguk affirmed with the solemn tone of promises.

Spice squeezed Yoongi’s hand in return. “We never get tired of hearing that.”

Yoongi’s eyes met those of his lover, friend and partner. “We never do.” He said, like a whispered secret to his beloved.

Jeongguk smiled at the exchange. That was his goal. Finding something like that, like what he saw between his friends, right in that moment.

“Should I wake her?” He asked, musing about your situation.

Yoongi got out of his bubble and replied quickly. “Yes. Try keeping her close to a proper sleeping schedule. Her body is spread thin right now, so she’ll need naps, but don’t let those last too long.” The man instructed. “If it doesn’t get better in two weeks, then we’ll need to get proper help. You know there’s not much I can do since I’m connected to both. I cannot be professional about it.” Yoongi explained. “I have a uni colleague who practices and who could help her, were this to continue.”

“Thank you, Yoongi.”

“All cool, kid. Text me when she’s up. Tell her to call me if you see she’s ready.”

Jeongguk nodded, “I’ll have her call you.”

“Yeah, just don’t force her,” Yoongi replied, standing up and wearing his coat. “Spice and I will be out of town next weekend. Just so you know.”

Jeongguk smiled, “thank you for telling me.”

“Wake her and feed her.” Yoongi said, walking to the door, Spice following him closely. She watched as Yoongi’s eyes looked for your sleeping form. “Tell her we love her a lot. That she needs to be strong and healthy to explore the woods with Joon and to help us with spring pies.” Yoongi shook his head. “Maybe ignore the pies.”

Jeongguk nodded. “Joon will bring her to the cottage soon. I’ll be having a busy week starting Monday.”

“Great. See you, Gukkie.” Yoongi said, finally ready to leave.

From the smell of coffee and leather, you felt what could only be Spice’s hand touching your face. “Stay safe, baby.” She told you, still thinking you were asleep.

Underneath all those layers, Spice was a sweetheart, after all. It made your heart clench.

“Bye Guk.” She said, shortly before you heard the door close.

He sat beside you and Bibby. “Open your eyes, Sweets. You need to eat your dinner.”

You pouted and stretched, sitting up. “I’m going to the cottage?”

“Namjoon will pass by on Sunday to pick you up.” Jeongguk said, incapable of hiding some envy. He wanted to go to the cottage too. It was beautiful to see how much a day can make a difference in the woods in spring.

You nodded, already comforted by the thought of sharing some time with one of the people you respected and trusted the most, in his lovely cottage, among his plants and paintings and books. It was the most healing place in the universe. “Can I have some pizza?” You asked, sniffing at the inviting scent in the air.

Jeongguk smiled at your question, significantly happy with your request. “Of course.”

“How are you? Did you sleep a little?” Grace asked, getting a glass of water and some biscuits for Seokjin.

He smiled at the young woman but sneered at the food, almost hissing. He felt ready to throw up his guts. He felt disgusting.

“Not much.” He said, rubbing his arms. He felt so cold.

Grace shook her head. “You should eat.”

Seokjin looked out of the window, the orange afternoon sun hurting his eyes. Two more hours. Saturday dinner alone. He tried to find the words, the right words.

He realised there weren’t any.

“I miss her, Grace.” Jin placed his elbows on the table and planted his forehead against his palms. “I miss her too much.”

Grace nodded and stood up. She walked to the window and stood there, with her back to Jin. “Everyone. Everyone in this town knows. Everyone.” She paused. Seokjin waited. She didn’t speak with anger or sadness. She simply spoke, like one who knew.

“Everyone knows about you and her, about how perfect you look together. But she didn’t even consider you. You always cared for her, but who cared for you? Who made breakfast and dinner and the laundry and the cleaning for you?” Grace seemed upset now. “She never made a move, though. Everyone knew, but sometimes only one person really, actually knows.” She turned around. She had a small smile on, a bitter one, maybe. “Because you weren’t hers, I made a move. And I never expected you would take me into consideration, all the girls — and the boys — who have tried never succeeded. How would I?” Again she paused. “But I did it. Somehow.”

Seokjin nodded. “You are a great person, Grace. You’re smart, kind, beautiful. And you’re dedicated, and I was attracted to you since the first time I saw you.”

“But I’m not her, am I?” She said, so gentle; the kind of gentleness that you use with strangers, to keep them at a distance.

“You’re not her, and there are pros and cons to this, just like for any other people.” Seokjin replied politely.

Grace nodded as she paced back and forth. She grabbed a biscuit and she ate it unhurriedly, still pacing, chewing it slowly.

“I tried to move on.” Seokjin explained, “but maybe I’m not ready.”

Grace bobbed her head. “Fair. After all I could be only a carer.” She admitted. “I think I took pity on you, but never truly loved you.” Her expression looked sad but honest.

Seokjin pursed his lips. “We both deserve better than dull pity, may it be giving or receiving.”

“I thought pity would suffice. We could be great friends and then grow into something more than that. But some friendships don’t evolve like the one you have with her.” Grace sat down in front of her guest. Her boyfriend. Soon to be her ex.

Their time together was coming to an end, each second inevitable like the ticking of the clock.

“I hope you don’t feel insulted, or disrespected.” Seokjin confessed, his tone of voice extremely apologetic.

“We both got into this with the wrong intentions. I think we both deserve the best and we clearly will not get it from each other. You need her, and I'm just a detour on your way to her—”

“Please, don't think that I didn't care about you.” He said, with so much pain in his voice. He was so disappointed in himself.

“I know you cared. Maybe you still care, but I know you wouldn't be here if she were an option.” Grace said, her voice honest, a bit harsh maybe, but with no suffering or aggression.

“Don't think I chose you because I couldn't have her. Among several options, I still chose you, because you were the one I liked the most, because I could fall in love with you. And I still like you, but I didn't fall. And I'm not sure that will happen.” Seokjin spoke with transparent unequivocality.

“It would be stupid for us to continue down this path. We would just lie to each other, unless we accept that our relationship will be based on fondness and nothing more.” Grace explained clearly.

Seokjin pouted. “We're too young for fondness.”

“We are.” Grace agreed. “But you need to tell her, Jin. You must tell her. You're hurting for a separation you could have absolutely avoided. At least, if you have to suffer, do it for the right reason.” Grace had a clarity in her that Seokjin had come to respect. He knew someone would love it someday. Someone would take care of her and cherish her and adore her and worship her with her gifts and imperfections. Someone could even love the scent of tuberoses that always lingered on her skin.

“I think we're ready to say goodbye.” She mused. “Although I would love it if we could still be friendly around each other. I don't wanna say 'let's stay friends' because that could be hypocritical of me right now, but I think I'd be very happy if we could still say hi and chat at the bakery when I stop by.”

“I think I'd be proud to call you my friend, when you feel ready for that. Still, you don't have to do that. I understand I hurt you—”

“No offense, but you didn't hurt me. I already knew what I was getting myself into. I think I've always known you would never be mine. A part of me was ready for this to happen and I think that's what's keeping this from being hurtful or insulting or whatever. We have been clear from the very start.”

“I wasn't clear about her.” Seokjin's eyes watered. He felt like he didn't deserve Grace's mercy and understanding.

“Anyone and everyone could tell. You were clear with anything but words. Plus I knew, and still I let it happen.” Grace took Seokjin's hand in hers. “It's not your fault. You're not alone.”

He didn't know when it happened but somehow he was crying, weeping like a baby, sobbing and sniffling.

Grace rose and walked to his chair, standing behind him, placing both her hands on his shoulders, rubbing them energetically. “You’re gonna be alright, Jin. Just go and fix all this mess with her. Talk to her please or I swear I'm gonna hate you. Don't make all this pain useless.” The young woman hugged him and kissed his head. “Stop telling yourself you don't deserve her. Stop being paranoid about her turning you down. Have you ever considered her giving you a chance?” She spoke with a soothing tone, something that he knew would make her a great mother someday. He could see himself kicking his own butt and begging Grace to take him back, were he ever to learn how to love her.

However, a part of his brain told him that loving Grace was something he could never learn, just like he never had to learn how to love you.

“You're one smart, beautiful woman, you know?” He asked, patting Grace's hands with his. “I hope you get someone who can love you the way you need.”

Grace nodded. “The same to you, dear. Now go get your lady or I'm going to castrate you.”

He squeaked out a teary laugh before standing up. “Are you okay with me hugging you?”

She smiled and nodded.

The embrace held for maybe half a minute before she whispered 'go, quick', like her gut was telling her something.

Seokjin smiled before winking and running out of the building.

You were grateful for the umbrella. You knew that soon the light drizzle would become a full storm and with all your heart you hoped you had enough time to carry your stuff to Yoongi’s pub, Ginger’s, and save yourself from the rain.

You were eager to get your stuff ready. All you wanted was for it to be Sunday already, for the energy of the woods to restore your soul and offer a safe haven to your mourning body.

You wanted the slightly damp spring days, the blossoms on the trees and the light green new leaves. You longed to see the lawns become once more verdant, filled with daisies and the frolicking of bees and butterflies.

However, for now you were stuck in the cold, humid weather, not a hint of spring in sight.

With a slight pout you entered your building, climbing the stairs in a path you could walk with your eyes closed.

The keys indented your skin uncomfortably, your hold too tight.

You slipped the right one in quickly, trying to make the errand as brief as possible.

Once you entered, you took off your shoes. You didn’t want to stain Seokjin’s floor, especially considering how he always took care of it, spending extra time in treating the hardwood boards with special products to keep them glossy and vibrant in their splendid maroon colour.

You completely avoided looking at the kitchen, walking to your room and finding the last bag of clothes resting on the bed, still made with three-week-old sheets. You wondered whether it was a good idea for you to wash them, but once you were reminded you would be gone for a whole week, maybe more, you shook your head and went on with your tasks, cleaning up your desk once you noticed the dust on it.

Your tiny bookcase was halfway empty, the only things left some old books you read during your first year and tiny trinkets.

A can of cherry coke from your first trip to the lake with the guys; a tattoo Jeongguk had designed for you a long time ago, waiting for you to finally find the guts to get it done; granny’s recipe for her special apple pie; a picture of you and Seokjin at the bakery’s fiftieth anniversary, a small buttercup flower dried and pressed into the framed picture; another photo, this one from your birthday, the guys surrounding you in a group hug, and Seokjin staring from the distance, his eyes glimmering with something your mouth will never speak.

You were slowly spiralling into despair when you heard the door unlock.

Dread grabbed your insides and twisted them tight, your hands unconsciously snatching the bag, switching off the lights before you tried to run out of your room, hoping it was just a projection of your exhausted brain.

It wasn’t.

There, on the entry mat stood Seokjin, drenched head to toe.

You stared at each other for a second.

“Hi.” He said.

He looked a mess. “Are you alright?”

He bent forward, his hands on his knees, his chest heaving with laboured breathing as he shook his head.

He knelt on the floor.

He shook his head some more.

You stood paralysed in front of him.

“I could use a friend.” He whispered, right before you dropped your bag and fell to your knees right in front of him, pressing his face to your chest. “You said you would never leave me alone. You promised.” He sobbed, hugging you to his body. “You promised.” He repeated, your clothes getting wet as they touched his.

“I’m sorry Jinnie. I’m so sorry, honey.” You replied, tearing up yourself. “Come in, let’s get you warm and dry.”

He refused. “Don’t go.”

“I’m not going, Jinnie. Come in.” You spoke softly.

“Swear on your cocoa that you won’t leave.” He required.

“I swear on the cocoa, now please come in, I don’t want you to catch a cold, Jin. Please.”

Reluctantly he followed your lead.

“You should get changed.” You said, cupping his cheek as the two of you stood one in front of the other.

His skin felt too hot.

“I don’t want to get you out of my sight.” He said, hugging you again.

You were both drenched by now. “We both need to get changed.”

He pouted. “You get in the bathroom. I wait outside. I can get changed while you’re in.” He said, sure that you were too smart — and too lazy — to jump out of the window.

“I won’t run.” You said, trying to reassure him.

“What if you change your mind?” He insinuated with an accusing, hurt tone.

You gave up. “Okay, I’ll get changed in the bathroom.” You conceded, grabbing your duffel bag and walking in the room, closing the door behind you.

You changed quickly, trying to show him you were invested in staying as little away from him as possible.

“I’m ready.” You called, waiting to open the door. You didn’t want to see something you weren’t meant to.

“Yes, you can come out.” He said.

As you opened the door, the first thing you noticed was his bare chest, wide, immense before your eyes.

You averted your gaze as he slipped on a sweater. He hugged you again. “I’m cold.” He murmured.

Your heart couldn’t handle that. “Let’s get on the sofa.”

“I don’t have a blanket anymore.” He said, looking at you with eyes so big, so lost and emotional.

You shook your head and entered his bedroom, grabbing his comforter carelessly. “Let’s go.”

He smiled and followed you, sitting down and dragging you onto his lap.

“Seokjin.” You reprimanded, thinking of the last time you had seen him.

“What?” He asked, fixing the covers around the two of you, holding you so tight you almost couldn’t breathe.

“What about Grace.” You said, not even a question, just a distant, unemotional statement.

“No more. I left her, Buttercup.” He said, nuzzling his nose into your hair. “I left her.”

You smelled so good.

You always smelled so good.

He kissed your neck. You tasted good too.

“Jinnie.”

“We’ll talk in the morning. I just need to sleep next to you. Please, Buttercup.” He begged, so tired and so adorably undeniable.

“Let’s sleep then.”

----------------------------------------------

Navi: Chapter 1 — Chapter 2 — Chapter 3 — Chapter 4 — Chapter 5 — Chapter 6 — Chapter 7 (7/7)

[actionnerdgamerlove]

Do You Want Me Now - Chapter 21: Holidays With Wolves

Find it on AO3

Summary: Jaskier is, obviously, invited for Christmas at the farm. And it’s cute.

But ALSO, Jaskier gets invited to a Christmas party. By Yennefer.

And then there’s NYE.

*****

Part 1: Yennefer’s Office Holiday Party or, Larkin are you POSITIVE that’s a party dress and not lingerie?

Jaskier was getting ready for a party.

Not just any party. Yennefer’s office holiday party.

Jaskier had been getting ready for what felt to her like the entire day.  Well, even more than that, really, because there had been a very thorough waxing session several days prior, in preparation for the dress Yennefer had picked out for Larkin to wear.

The dress had two very very high slits, right over her hip bones on both sides, necessitating both the waxing and creative underwear planning.

Or, in Larkin’s case, no underwear whatsoever.

Had this been any other date, or any other function, this dress would not have been worn.

But Larkin knew for certain nothing untoward would happen to her while she was with Yen.  Yen was kind of like Geralt that way. Except in Yen’s case, it was a little more control-y and less concern that prompted Larkin’s certainty.

Oh, Jaskier knew Yen cared about her.  Jaskier also knew Yen had a burning need to control most everything around her at all times.  Yen’s desire to control was one of the reasons Jaskier hadn’t really invested a whole lot of herself in their romance.  Yen was fun.

But Jaskier had been with someone who required excessive control once before, and wasn’t going to do that to herself again.  Jask knew that Yen was not the Countess.  Yen was kind (most of the time).  Yen did not demand unattainable ridiculous things. (Jask considered this dress kind of ridiculous, but not in any way that harmed her as a person, or made her feel degraded or inadequate.)  Yen really liked showing Jaskier off when they were together.  The Countess had liked doing that, too, but more in a way that showcased Jaskier as her pet, not her lover.

Yen was very clear (very, very clear) that Jaskier was her lover.

So, Jaskier was content to play dress up and get pampered and have really great sex for now.

As such, Larkin took her time getting ready, because it made her happy to see Yen happy and excited. She hadn’t taken this long to get ready since the last time she’d gone to the Grammys.

Serious eye makeup. Check.  Professional foundation and setting powder.  Check.  Actual blush, not just natural rosy cheeks.  Check. Lipstick a nuclear bomb couldn’t remove.  Check.  Benefit’s She-laq (which they don’t make anymore) to make sure none of it fucking moved.  Check. Long hair curled just so. Hairsprayed bobby-pins placed just right. Check.  A light dusting of shimmery body powder.  Check.

Larkin checked the time and was pleased to note she was a little early, her steno-pad timetable had her finishing up at 5 PM, and it was 4:45.  (Jaskier made the timetable, this wasn’t a requirement, there was just a lot of prep involved – many, many steps.).  Yennefer had pre-paid for an Uber for Jaskier, which would arrive at 5:15 on the dot; Jaskier would then be delivered to Yennefer’s door, they would lightly canoodle until 6:15, when they’d leave for the party which started at 7.

This gave Jaskier a little time to get something to eat before she left.

*****

Geralt knew Jask had a party to go to that night, because it was on the calendar (they shared a google calendar, it just made things easier for both of them.  Geralt’s was typically much less full than Jask’s.). He’d asked her, early on, if she wanted him to list “at the farm” for his working days. She’d just rolled her eyes and said no, that she was pretty sure she’d remember he was at his family’s farm. Larkin’s schedule changed more often, because she didn’t have classes every day, and she didn’t work every day. Geralt was a big fan of this calendar idea, because he liked knowing where Jaskier was in case something happened (like that time with the snowstorm).  It had actually been Jaskier’s idea; she’d seen him get agitated the couple times she’d gotten home later than he thought she’d be, so she pulled up her google calendar and asked him what his email address was, so they could share one.

That one small thing had made Geralt substantially less anxious.

He’d seen she’d had “Holiday Party, Crystal Tower” on the calendar for today, and had actually done a double take.  The Crystal Tower was no joke.  Even Geralt knew about it, from some Yennefer event, many years before.  He’d hated every minute of being there; he’d had to wear a suit Yen had picked out (it was uncomfortable) and socialize with a bunch of assholes for more hours than he thought was reasonable.

He was curious what Jaskier would end up wearing, because he knew how fancy that place was.

He was on the couch when she came bouncing down the stairs, and he looked up when she walked by.  She was wearing a button down shirt and a pair of leggings.

“You’re not wearing that tonight, are you?”  

He watched her stop in the kitchen doorway, and could hear her rolling her eyes. “No, Geralt.  I wanted to get something to eat before I left, and don’t want to get my dress dirty.  This isn’t my first rodeo,” she said, her face positively yelling ‘I AM NOT AN AMATUER’.  

Geralt hummed.  She was smart.  He hadn’t known to pre-game before he went to that hellish party.

Jask had made stir-fry the night before, and was eating leftovers directly out of the container, cold, leaning in the kitchen doorway. This bothered Geralt not at all, although, had he thought about it, it would have if it were anyone else, even his brothers. He didn’t share food.  With anyone.  Except Jaskier.

He watched Jaskier polish off the rest of the stir-fry (damn that girl could eat, it always surprised him; looking at her, you’d never know she could eat her (or Geralt’s) weight in pasta), look at her fitbit, make an ‘oh shit!’ face, then race back upstairs.

He was finally treated to what Jaskier was wearing to the Crystal Tower, when she walked downstairs, carrying her black high heels.

She was wearing an emerald negligee.  There was no other word Geralt could think of for what Jas was wearing, besides lingerie. Starting from the top, it tied behind her neck, and there were two wide strips that covered her breasts.  It was cut almost all the way down to her belly button.  And then there was the skirt of the dress.  There was a strip that covered her front, but it was slit on the left and right almost up to her belly button.  He could see her fucking hipbones.

There was no way she was wearing underwear of any kind.

She looked fucking edible.

Geralt cleared his throat. “Larkin, are you sure that’s a party dress, and not lingerie?  You look-“ Geralt had to clear his throat again “-great, don’t get me wrong.  That’s just…very...”

“Scandalous?”

“Revealing.”

“I assure you, Geralt, this was purchased at the premiere dress boutique in Oxenfurt.”

Geralt didn’t know what to say, so he just hummed.  He was beginning to be more than a little worried about her safety at this party.

Jaskier, it seemed, could read minds.  Or, was just really good at translating ‘Geralt faces’.

“G, I promise you, I will be fine tonight.  My date…does not tolerate foolishness.  I’ll be fine.”

Geralt was not convinced.

“Ok, how about this. I will text you every hour with a selfie, proving I am hale, and hearty, and whole.  Sound good?”

Selfies in that dress did sound good to Geralt.  But also, not a bad idea.

“Fine,” he growled.

*****

Larkin did text Geralt once an hour, with a new selfie each time.  Most of the time they were goofy selfies; silly faces and looks.  A couple were not selfies, so her date must have taken them.

Yennefer thought the selfie thing was curious, but Larkin had explained her roommate was worried about her, and she was trying to make him less anxious.

Larkin did not include the selfies of she and Yennefer together.  She didn’t think Geralt would appreciate them very much at all.

Part 2: Christmas at the Farm

This is kind of self-explanatory

“Hey, so, about Christmas,” Jaskier started one Saturday morning while they were having coffee together at the kitchen island.

“You should probably just assume you’re coming with me from now on, unless you have other plans, Jas.” Geralt paused. “If that was what you were asking.”

Larkin looked down at the counter, and smiled. “Um, yeah.  Yes.  It was.”

“You have an assigned seat at the table at the farm.  Obviously you’re coming for Christmas.”

Geralt said it like it was known, like it was just a FACT. (It actually WAS just a fact for the Wolf clan; Jas and Geralt were a package deal at this point, like Lambert and Aiden, minus the romance part.)

“It’s not…fancy, Larkin; it’s probably not what you’re used-“

“Geralt – I’ll be with you and your family; that’ll be more than enough.  Fancy doesn’t always equal good.”

Later:

[White Wolf 11:04 AM]: I have no idea what to get Jaskier for Christmas.  I hate buying presents. What do I DO?

[Eskel 11:05 AM]: That’s easy.  What does she like?

[White Wolf 11:06 AM]: I have no idea. What the fuck do I know about her? I KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT HER. FUCK.

[Eskel 11:07 AM]: Calm down, stop panicking.  You know her better than almost anyone besides Renfri.  What did Lambert tell you?

[White Wolf 11:08 AM]: An engagement ring, Eskel.🙄

[Eskel 11:09 AM]: Less than helpful, although…

[White Wolf 11:09 AM]: Eskel.  Be realistic. I’d need to ask her out before I proposed to her.

[Eskel 11:10 AM]: HEY, now that’s a thought!  THAT would be a good Christmas present!  Go on a date!

[White Wolf 11:11 AM]: I hate you.  Why do I even bother.

[Eskel 11:12 AM]: Because 99.9% of the time I am more helpful than Lambert.  Why not ask Renfri, or her brother or sister?

Simultaneously:

[Little Lark 11:05 AM]: I need to get Geralt a Christmas present.  I’m usually really good at this, Ren.  WHAT THE FUCK DO I GET HIM?

[Xena, Warrior Princess 11:05 AM]: You, naked, wearing a bow around your tits.  BAM. DONE.

[Little Lark 11:06 AM]: He saw me naked every Sunday for almost three months, Ren, and managed to keep his hands to himself.  I don’t think that would necessarily have the same impact on him.

[Xena, Warrior Princess 11:07 AM]: FUCK, you’re right.  Shit.  Does he need anything?  He seems like a practical gift kinda guy, to me.

[Little Lark 11:08 AM]: Hmm.  You’re right. I may need to ponder on this, I remember him saying this week that one of Roach’s brushes was wearing out.

*****

Larkin did ponder on it. One afternoon she made a surprise visit to the farm, to bring the boys and Vesemir lunch, and caught up with Geralt in the barn, to help him with some chores.

Uh-huh.  The only person who didn’t see through it was Geralt.

Vesemir caught up with her after they’d eaten, in the kitchen, where she was doing dishes after Geralt and Eskel went back to work.

“Spit it out, girl; you were checking out something in the barn before we ate, weren’t you?  This wasn’t just an ‘I’m in the neighborhood’ visit, hmm?”

“No, sir.”

Vesemir waited for the explanation.  Vesemir kept waiting.

“Well, are you going to tell me what it was you were looking for?”

He watched Larkin look at him over her shoulder with an appraising look.

“That all depends on if you can keep a secret.  I’d like to surprise Geralt, if it’s all the same to you.”

Vesemir found himself laughing out loud.  Vesemir liked this girl, all right.  Geralt had chosen well.

“Fine, keep your secrets,” he said, smiling. “Although, if you give me a hint, I can help keep Geralt from buying whatever it is you’d like to surprise him with,”

“Horse brushes.” Larkin wasn’t so proud she couldn’t admit she needed help.  Vesemir was right.  Geralt was a stubborn bastard, sometimes.  If anyone could keep him from doing something, it was Vesemir. “He needs a new curry brush, and a body brush.”

Vesemir nodded his approval. She paid attention, all right.

“Anything else?”

“Maybe a new pair of gloves, because his are…not in great shape.”

Vesemir considered for a moment how to tell her what he wanted to say, without scaring her.  What little Geralt had shared with him, his roommate had not led an easy life.

“You and Geralt make a good team.”

“Thank you, sir, I think so, too.”

“Geralt’s said you handle his…bad days very well.”

“I’m not sure how much Geralt has told you, but I also have bad days, as he calls them.  For a different reason, but the same underlying issue.  We understand one another, that’s all.”

“Well, I’m thankful for it. He’s been happier, since you moved in.”

Larkin looked back at Vesemir, a lopsided smile on her face. “How can you tell?  Does he have a happy grunt?  I still haven’t translated them all,”

Vesemir laughed out loud again.

*****

Geralt ended up talking to Renfri.

He’d texted her to ask if she had a picture of Jaskier’s tattoo, because he had an idea.

Renfri did, because she’d been with Jaskier when she’d gotten it (of course she had, Geralt thought). That was the second thing they did together after Renfri’d curbed that dude at that party.  The first thing, if you’ll remember, was the two of them kissing.  Larkin had told Renfri she wanted to get a tattoo, and Renfri knew a guy who owned a parlor not far from the frat house where they were. Larkin pulled out a well-loved drawing her father had done, of a lark, that Larkin wanted on her wrist.

So, yeah, Renfri had a picture (or two) of the tattoo, and the drawing.

Geralt hadn’t known her father had drawn the illustration that ended up being her tattoo.

Renfri thought Geralt’s idea was fucking brilliant.  What she actually said was “Why didn’t I fuckin’ think of that?”

Geralt was having a charm made, for Larkin’s necklace that held her father’s dog tags.

Turns out Renfri knew a jeweler, too.  Geralt thought Renfri knew a lot of people.

They went together (Geralt wasn’t exactly sure why; Renfri just told him “I like watching you work.”) and the jeweler was also quite a good artist, who took one look at the drawing, and listened to the story of why Geralt wanted to have this made (with Renfri’s interjections) and absolutely fell all over himself gushing about what a good idea this was, and how happy he was to work on this for them.

Geralt wasn’t used to…gushing.  He also wasn’t used to other people wanting to hang around him…for fun.  Other than Larkin.  He found Renfri very curious.  She and Larkin were very similar, but also…totally different. Renfri had absolutely no filter when it came to her friends, and apparently Geralt was one of them, now.

“You’re good to her.”

“What?”

“Jask.  You’re good to her.”

Geralt considered Renfri. He hadn’t taken her for someone who spoke just to hear herself talking.

“She’s my friend.”

“You say that like it explains everything, Geralt.”

It did, to Geralt.  He wasn’t sure what to say, so he said nothing.

“She’s lucky to have you.”

“I feel the same way.”

Renfri turned to face him, grinning. “Oh, you think she’s lucky to have you, too?”

Geralt rolled his eyes. “No, Ren. I’m lucky she’s my friend, too.”

Renfri nodded, considering him.

“In case you’re interested in this information, later, Larkin is a fan of very simple jewelry designs.” She said, pointing to a case of diamond rings.  She was pointing and tapping the case at a very specific ring. Geralt came and looked at it.  It was a princess cut diamond ring, a solitaire. “I give you this information, free of charge, because I think it will be of some use to you, eventually.”

Geralt narrowed his eyes at Renfri, expecting a trick.

“Like I said, free of charge.  I can keep a secret, Geralt.  I like you. Don’t worry.”

Geralt knew Renfri was being honest, she wouldn’t say anything to Larkin.  He knew what kind of secrets she was keeping for his Lark (not details, but the overall gist).  He was kind of surprised that Larkin’s taste were so…uncomplicated.  If he had to guess, that would not have been the ring he would have thought Larkin would have chosen.

The jeweler friend of Renfri was appalled when Geralt said he didn’t need a matching chain.  He threw one in anyway, although Geralt had no intention of using it.

The charm turned out beautifully.

“You gonna get her anything else?” Renfri asked when they went to pick it up.

Geralt just looked at her.

“I-hmm.  I hadn’t thought about it.”

“I don’t think you need to, necessarily, but I have it on good authority that you may be receiving more than one present from a certain individual.”

Well, shit. Geralt thought.

His next call was to her brother, Andrew.

Andrew was able to help, too.

*****

Christmas at the Wolf Den was a big hit. Jaskier and Geralt had slept over Christmas Eve, so they didn’t have to travel Christmas Day. Geralt had explained a few days prior that he’d always done this, and Jaskier was only too happy to keep that tradition going.  Larkin had explained that she’d always opened one present Christmas Eve, with her father (and then again with Renfri), so Christmas Eve saw Geralt the recipient of a new pair of very nice gloves and Larkin the owner of a new pair of rock climbing shoes. (Eskel, Lambert, Aiden and Vesemir all opened gifts too, lest you think they were forgotten.)  

Larkin had gotten up before Geralt and Eskel on Christmas day, to get breakfast started.  She made sure there was a big fire in the fireplace, because the house was slightly drafty (it didn’t seem to bother her wolves much, but larks didn’t fare well in the cold).  Brunch on Christmas Day was a big French toast casserole that Larkin had made the night before and put in the oven when she got up, combined with some fancy bacon Larkin had been sent by her family’s cook (Larkin and the staff of the estate got on famously; it was her actual blood relatives that were extraordinarily problematic).  The pot of coffee was finished just as Geralt staggered down the stairs.  She handed him a cup just as he hit the bottom step.

“You are a Christmas angel.” He told her, his voice still gravely from sleep.

“Merry Christmas, Geralt,” she said, kissing his cheek.

“Merry Christmas, Larkin,” he replied, grabbing her in a one armed hug.  Once he’d set her back down, and taken a couple sips of coffee, he pulled Jaskier over to the Christmas tree.

“I want you to open something, before everyone else gets up.”

Larkin looked up at Geralt, questioningly.

“It’s something…personal. You might not want to open it in front of everyone.”

The furrow between Jasker’s eyebrows got deeper.  She watched Geralt pull a small box out from under the Christmas tree.  The furrow got even deeper, and Geralt started to get worried.

“Lark – look at me,”

She did.

“This is definitely not what I think you think this is, ok?  Deep breath.  None of the serious, required conversations have been had about that kind of box, all right?”

Jaskier visibly relaxed.

Oh boy, Geralt thought.  He handed her the wrapped box.

The look of sheer delight and joy on her face when she pulled open the top was something Geralt would never forget.

“Geralt! Geralt! Geralt, oh my goodness, Geralt, this is- this is beautiful, Geralt, it’s perfect, where did you find it-“ tears were streaming down her face as she spoke. She looked between the charm in the box and her tattoo, and Geralt.

“I had it made.”

Like that was something anyone would do, for a friend.

Larkin gently set the box down, and threw her arms around Geralt.

“Thank you so much, Geralt, this is…I don’t even have words for how much this means to me, Geralt, this is just-“ Jaskier couldn’t finish, she was so overwhelmed.  She felt Geralt’s arms around her, holding her.

“You’re welcome, Larkin. I’m glad you like it.”

“Can you help me – can you help me put it on?”  Larkin pulled her hair around her shoulder, and Geralt undid the toggle that held the dogtags together.  He and Jaskier put the charm on together, and then Geralt re-fastened the chain around her neck.

Jaskier didn’t let go of the lark charm all day.

*****

After Christmas dinner had been eaten, and everyone had eaten their weight in the butter cookies Jaskier’s family’s cook had sent, the Wolf and Lark family were pretty mellow. Jaskier and Geralt were flopped on the sofa, Lambert was in one of the easy chairs, and Aiden, Vesemir and Eskel were still sitting at the dinner table, chatting.

Geralt was holding onto Jaskier’s socked feet, in his lap while she was gazing at the new charm he’d had made for her, that was now added to the chain of her father’s dog tags.

“Hey, Jas, you wanna go out, sometime?” Geralt asked, quietly, so as not to arouse suspicion from his brother just a few feet away.

“Sure, where you wanna go?” Jaskier asked, focused on the charm.

“No, like, out.  Out out.”

Jaskier looked up curiously, intrigued by Geralt’s tone of voice.  She looked at his face, and saw his cheeks were slightly pink.

“Oh, you mean on a date! Out on a date!”

“Yes, that’s what I meant,”

“What’s this about a date?” Lambert asked, his eyes snapping up from his phone. “DUDE ARE YOU ASKING HER OUT?  FINALLY. JESUS.”

Larkin looked panicked, between Geralt and Lambert, cringing at the change in volume.

“Yes, I’d like-“ Jaskier had barely gotten out when Lambert bellowed into the dining room.

“Idiot is FINALLY asking her out!  Hallelujah! It’s a Christmas miracle!”

The hand Geralt was wiping down his face made Larkin wince.

“Would you rather talk about this later?” Jaskier whispered to him.

“Fine,” he said in the way that  meant, in no uncertain terms “FUCK NO.”

FUCK ME, Larkin thought.  Goddammit, Lamb!

She wasn’t sure they would ever go on a date now, not with Lambert making the BIGGEST. FUCKING. DEAL. about it.

Eskel, in the other room, was clenching his jaw over the exact same thing.

He and Lambert were gonna have a talk, later, about inside voices and not being an asshole on Christmas.

Part 3: And a Very Happy New Year to you, Geralt

Jaskier had plans to go see some friends for a fancy NYE party Geralt wanted no part of, thank you very much, but then she got a flat tire.

Also the story of how Jaskier ended up with four brand new tires on a 30 year old car.

“Aren’t you partied out by now, Lark?  Do you ever get tired of them?”

Geralt was leaning in the upstairs bathroom doorway as Jaskier applied mascara in the full-length mirror hanging on the front of the open door.  She hadn’t gotten dressed yet, she was still in a pair of leggings and a button-down shirt that looked suspiciously like one of Geralt’s.  

He could tell because it looked like a dress on her.

“Hmm?” Jask hummed, her mouth open in the way all women kept their mouths open while applying eye makeup.

“Aren’t you tired of parties by now?”

“Ehh.  A little?  But this isn’t a high-pressure party, Geralt.  These are school friends.  I didn’t get to spend a lot of time with them the last time I saw them, I got sidetracked.”

The last time Jaskier had seen these school friends was the night she met Yennefer.  Sidetracked indeed.

“But what are you gonna do?” Geralt was completely unable to grasp the concept of enjoyable party going.

“You sure you don’t want to come with me, handsome?  I know you said no when I asked, but I mean, I’m planning on sitting around watching fun people get drunk and eating a lot.  You wouldn’t even have to get changed, G.”

Geralt was wearing jeans and a dark blue button-down shirt.

He smiled. “No, thanks, I’ll pass.”

“Want me to bring you back something to eat?  The woman who’s hosting – she is an amazing cook.”

Geralt shrugged.  He was planning on spending New Year’s Eve watching something on Netflix, maybe ordering a pizza.

Geralt watched while Jaskier finished doing her makeup (she did something that really brought out her eyes, made her look even more ‘Larkin’ than normal, but he wasn’t sure what it was.  Reader: it was eyeshadow.  She did a smokey eye.) and then when she braided her hair in a side fishtail braid, which she brought over her shoulder.

“Acceptable?” she asked, turning to face him, once she was finished.

“Lark, you always look great, no matter what,” Geralt said softly.  He reached down to brush a stray lock of hair out of her face, and noticed she was blushing.

Jaskier left the bathroom to go get dressed in her room, which took her a much shorter time than Geralt was expecting.  When she came out, Geralt was stunned.

“Larkin, I thought you said this wasn’t fancy,” He was referring to the bright red jumpsuit she had on, that had wide leg pants on the bottom, but the top was see through mesh with ruffles.  He was certain she wasn’t wearing a bra.

“This?” she asked laughing. “I picked this up at a thrift store couple years ago.  It’s super comfortable.  It’s like wearing pajamas. BONUS, I can eat whatever I want in it and not worry about not being able to breathe.”

If only all her pjs were see through, thought Geralt, not for the first time.

Once they were both downstairs, she put on a pair of black ridiculously high heeled shoes that still had Jaskier a few inches shorter than him.  She pulled her winter coat out from the coat closet, and threw it on.

“Cell phone charged?”

“Yup.”

“You have your wallet, and keys?”

“Yup.”

“You set on gas?”

“Yes, Geralt,” Larkin replied, smiling.  Geralt ran through this checklist whenever she was leaving the house without him, especially at night.

He worried, you see.

“Text me when you get there.”

“Will do, boss.”

He shot her a look. “I’m not your boss, Larkin.” His eye roll was audible.

“Of course, Geralt.” She winked at him. “Happy New Year, if I don’t see you before midnight,” she stood up on tiptoes to kiss his cheek, hugging him hard.

“Happy New Year, Jas,” he said into her hair. “Please be careful.”

“I will!” she replied brightly, as she walked out the front door, shutting it behind her.

Geralt wasn’t too proud to admit he was bummed they weren’t spending New Years Eve together, but he just didn’t have another party in him.

*****

After he hadn’t heard from Jaskier in about an hour, Geralt started to worry.  He knew for a fact it did not take an hour to get across town.

It wasn’t like her not to text.

[White Wolf 7:30 PM]: Having a good time?  You in a food coma?

[Little Lark  7:40 PM]: 🙄🙄 I haven’t even got that far, yet – I got a flat tire.  I’m waiting on roadside assistance to come change it.

Geralt pinched the bridge of his nose.  Although he was VERY GRATEFUL Jaskier had agreed he could add her to his AAA plan –

She could have just asked him to come change it.

[White Wolf 7:41 PM]: Where are you?  I can be there sooner than AAA.

[Little Lark  7:42 PM]: Geralt, you wanted to relax tonight. So relax.

[White Wolf  7:43 PM]: I’ll relax better knowing you’re safe, Lark.

[Little Lark  7:44 PM]: Fine. I’m over by the old warehouse district, Forrest Ave, cross street West Oak.  In front of Stewart Middle.  You really don’t have to.

[White Wolf  7:44 PM]:  See you in about 20 minutes, Larkin.

Geralt was there in 18 minutes.  Roadside assistance still hadn’t gotten to her. (NYE is a rough night for emergency crews – it’s not called “Amateur Night” for nothing.)  When he pulled up behind her in his truck, it looked like she was deep in thought.  He had to knock his knuckles on the window to get her attention.  It looked like she was writing.  Her head snapped up at the sound, and she quickly shut the notebook she’d been writing in.  She rolled (ROLLED.  With a hand crank) the window down and smiled up at him.

“Going my way, handsome?”

Hey grinned down at her, leaning on the doorframe. “Well, you’re not going anywhere, at all, Jas,”

“’Tis but a minor detail,”

“Go wait in the truck, weirdo, you’ll be warmer. This shouldn’t take long.”

And it didn’t.  Larkin watched Geralt pull out her spare tire, roll up his shirtsleeves, and like magic the flat tire was off, and the spare tire was on.  Geralt walked back over to the passenger side of his truck, and opened the passenger side door.

“Should be good to go, now.  I’d be careful not to go too far, though, don’t want to put too much stress on that spare.”

“Could I get home ok?”

“Home?  Yeah, no problem.  What about your party?”

“Meh.  I don’t want to undo all of your hard work, here; you were so kind to put your relaxing evening on hold for me.”

Jaskier didn’t realize, but Geralt was willing to put a lot on hold for his Lark, much more than just an evening’s relaxation.

“Follow me back so I can keep an eye on you,”

If it had been anyone else, it would have sounded threatening.  If it had been anyone else, they would have felt threatened.

But Jaskier wasn’t anyone else.  She knew his sternness had a purpose. She knew what her Wolf sounded like when he was worried.  

They made it home without any further issue; Jaskier had already sent her regrets to her other friends that she wasn’t going to make it.  She wasn’t really disappointed. As soon as they walked in the door they both beelined upstairs to change into soft pants.  Jaskier was ecstatic that Geralt liked the PJs she’d gotten him for Christmas; so much, in fact, she’d ordered him two more sets because he wore them so often.  He changed into one of them now, a set of grey and blue plaid flannel pants and a soft grey henley.  He beat her downstairs (she’d thrown on a pair of his old sweats and one of his old t-shirts) and was flopped on the couch looking at his phone when she came down.

“Looks familiar,” Geralt took one look at what she was wearing and rolled his eyes.  

“To be fair, Geralt, when was the last time you a) wore these and b) fit into them?”

Jaskier had liberated these sweats from the farm, during one of her stays there.

“Oi! Watch it, Lark. I was about to buy you dinner!”

“Geralt! You of all people know I think you are the pinnacle of bodily perfection.  How old were you when these fit? Fifteen?”

“Twelve,” he said, feeling slightly placated.

“Could you fit into them now, if I were to say, take them off?”

Please, Geralt thought.  Please do that.

“More than likely no, but…” he shrugged, innocently.

Jaskier grinned. “You know I will call your bluff, Geralt.”

He looked at her over the far arm of the sofa, standing, looking back at him.  He knew she was right.  He knew.

He lifted up his legs at the end of the couch, for her to slip under, so she did.

“Pepperoni and mushroom good for you?” he asked, as she pulled the blanket off the back of the couch to cover them both.

“Yup!”

While they waited, Geralt messed around some more on his phone while Jaskier found them something to watch on Netflix.

“I made an appointment to get you new tires when the place across the street opens after New Year’s.”

Geralt knew she was still on Winter break for a while, so she’d have time.

“Tires, plural? Geralt, I can afford A tire, but I don’t think-“

“My treat, Lark.”

“Geralt.  Tires are expensive.  This is unnecessary.”

What Larkin didn’t know was Geralt hadn’t been spending what she’d been paying in rent.  He’d been saving it.  All of it.  For what, he wasn’t exactly sure, but something important.  Like medical expenses.  Or, tires.

Or, an engagement ring.

That was a thought that had been floating around in his brain for a little while now.

Geralt knew he’d have to attempt the date conversation again, eventually, at some point, before the engagement ring could be purchased, or presented.  Well, at least presented.  He hadn’t gotten it yet, but he had been looking.  He’d talked to Renfri before Christmas about the charm he’d wanted to have made for Jask, and they’d ended up at a local jewelers together (and wasn’t that an odd experience) and she’d mentioned, in passing, what kind of rings Jaskier was partial to.  Because Renfri was helpful that way.

But that could wait. New tires were more of a priority right now.

“Not unnecessary. It’s fine.”

He noticed her lips were pursed and she was giving him major side-eye.

“Lark.  Your tires were bald.  It’s just a matter of time before you get another flat.  Think of this as you helping me keep my blood pressure low.”

The side eye continued, but she un-pursed her lips.

“You’re sure?”

“Absolutely.  Happy New Year, Lark.  Here’s to a year of safe driving,”

“Thank you, Geralt, this is- I mean, you are-“ Jaskier stammered, at a loss for words.

“Larkin.  Say ‘Thank you, Geralt’.”

“Thank you, Geralt.”

“You’re welcome, Little Lark.  Your safety and wellbeing are important to me.”

“Thank you, Geralt. Happy New Year.”

[sonic-wildfire]

Emotion Sickness: Diary Entries from Shadow the Hedgehog (Part 1)

Select entries from Shadow’s diary were found and compiled by Sonic (with Shadow’s permission) as an homage to both Shadow’s development and their relationship together. The entries were made between March 2009 and October 2013. This part of the compilation contains the entries made between March 2009 and December 2010.

10:53 PM - 4 March 2009

Hmph. Another day behind me. I crossed paths with Sonic today and he offered to have lunch with me. The request was somewhat flattering, but I turned it down. I don’t really need to eat.

Why is Sonic always so nice to me? It’s a liability to be within ten feet of him at this point, considering how much trouble he gets into. Whatever. I’m better by myself anyway.

5:02 PM - 19 July 2009

Amy visited me today and said she was here on Sonic’s behalf. Don’t know why, but she wanted me to know Sonic was offering to have me over at his place.

Sonic has a permanent home? Who knew?

I thought about it for a bit, but I declined. Again, I don’t understand why Sonic continues to do nice things for me even though I’m the most miserable being on the planet. It’s not that I hate them or anything, but I just can’t get close to anybody else. What if they reject me? What if...

Forget it.

I can’t think about this stuff. I’m going to take a nap. My thoughts are the last thing I need to be with right now.

6:46 PM - 30 November 2009

Wouldn’t you know it, that stubborn blue hedgehog turned up at my door today and again asked me to spend time with him. I was about to just tell him to piss off, but something about this interaction was different. I don’t know what, why, or how, but... it actually sounded appealing this time?

Very hesitantly, I said I’d think about it but don’t expect me to take you up on the offer. He just smiled, said okay, and left. 

Maybe I should at least try to be somewhat charitable for once. I called up Rouge and told her about what had happened and she just teased me over it before hanging up. You know, typical Rouge.

But she did tell me that it was ultimately my decision to make.

Hm. I think I might go after all.

12:25 PM - 2 December 2009

Just got back from having breakfast with Sonic. He was actually surprised I showed up. Honestly? I was surprised, too.

I didn’t talk too much, but Sonic... oh boy, Sonic. It’s like he never ran out of things to talk about. He’s smiling the entire time he’s with me, too. It was almost alluring just how much his bright demeanor contrasted with my moody self.

One of the things Sonic talked about was his friends. I was fully ready to just stop him right then and there (it rubs me the wrong way when anybody mentions friendship), but then he told me I was a “good friend” to him.

I asked him if he was serious. Sonic said yes.

In retrospect, it was certainly more eventful than most days. Perhaps little meetups like this would be healthier for me if I did them every once in a while.

3:59 AM - 28 May 2010

I can’t rest. I keep thinking about Sonic.

We’ve been meeting occasionally like I said I should. The longer I’m with Sonic, the more I begin to see in him what I could’ve been.

He’s a caring, generous man with everything going for him. People like him. He has a purpose in life. He’s coolheaded, rational, and valuable to society.

So why on Earth would Sonic be spending time with me, a reprehensibly depressed alien who is so completely worthless and undeserving of care? How could he possibly like me when I don’t even like myself?

I’m tired and tears are pricking at the corners of my eyes. I need to talk to someone in the morning.

1:51 AM - 29 May 2010

I called Rouge and told her about last night. She wasn’t very vocal, but she did offer a little encouragement. She said I don’t get enough sleep and that a little bit of rest would put me at ease for a bit. But I’m still on edge. What does Sonic see in me that I don’t? Or am I just overthinking this? My thoughts are erratic right now, so I’m sorry to anyone reading if this doesn’t make sense.

Ugh.

I can feel tears welling up in my eyes already.

I’m so weak. I’m so pathetic.

Who would ever want to spend time with someone like me?

All I do is brood in the corner of the room all day and be an asshole to everybody. I don’t understand how anybody could be tolerant of me, much less a “friend.”

Yet... I’m still drawn to Sonic. For whatever reason, he’s just so inviting. He’s nice. Too nice.

11:32 AM - 8 August 2010

Over the past few months, Sonic and I have been visiting each other more often, and not much has changed.

From me, at least.

Sonic has been growing even kinder towards me than before. Sometimes, he’ll give me small gifts like a scarf. Other times, he’ll ask me about myself. If I were ready, I would’ve just spilled my true feelings about myself right then and there.

But I wasn’t ready. So I just talked about the very few things I did find enjoyment in. Gardening, space, and Chao. I begged him to never tell anybody about what I said to him, and he looked at me like I had three heads but vowed to keep it a secret anyway.

I just don’t know. Sonic’s a good guy, but... I can’t bring myself to be friendly with him. If I start growing close with people, they’ll just die or leave me and I’ll be heartbroken again just like last time. I can’t go through that again. I’m not strong enough.

I appear tough on the outside. But the truth is, I’m always on the verge of breaking down. My mental state is so volatile and virtually uncontrollable.

Chaos damn it, just get out of my head already!

3:40 PM - 23 December 2010

The holiday season. A time for joy, reminiscing on the past, looking forward to the new year, and exchanging gifts.

For everybody else, that is.

Ever since I came here, I’ve spent every Christmas alone.

All the others have a big gathering at Sonic’s house, having a good time (allegedly). I was never interested in these and I always declined every single invitation I got from Sonic. Yet, like clockwork, he still sends me one every year. Maybe hoping that I’ll change my mind one year.

After a lot of self-reflection over the past year, though, I’m not sure how much more invitations I can reject before Sonic gives up trying.

I crumble in social situations. Interacting with anybody other than Rouge, Omega, or Sonic for more than ten seconds takes an insane amount of willpower.

Something has to give. Either I go for once or they stop trying.

12:48 AM - 24 December 2010

I’ve decided I need to go. Maybe bring one of my Chao if things go wrong. I’m not necessarily doing this because I want to go. In fact, I’d be a lot happier if I didn’t go because at least I know things can’t go wrong if I’m by myself.

But I can’t stop thinking about Sonic and his friends. It drives me crazy.

9:21 PM - 24 December 2010

Party’s tomorrow. Note to self: don’t fuck this up.

11:17 PM - 26 December 2010

How quickly things can change has always amazed me. Tonight proved that.

Everybody was really surprised to see me showing up, but they said they were all grateful I showed up. Sonic, of course, was the first to welcome me, giving me a hug that admittedly felt like a breath of fresh air after so much time alone. Then again, I have a reputation so I needed to act like he was crushing me to death.

I didn’t spend much time talking with other people, though I did exchange some small talk with Rouge. The usual.

As the party grew longer, I found myself being... complimented by others?

Knuckles said he hoped I was “doing well.” Cream gave me a single flower while wishing me a merry Christmas. Tails shyly waved at me (I put on a smile and waved back). Omega said I was “one of the only creatures made of flesh” he trusted.

I’m sorry. Did these people forget who they were talking to?

Dinner was fine, though I was particularly eager about the sweets. Oh, right, I forgot to mention I have a knack for candy. The more you know.

Of course, then it was time for gifts. I swear you could fill the Grand Canyon with the sheer amount of presents under the tree. I guessed that roughly three of those were for me, ready to be mailed to me if I didn’t show up.

So you can imagine my surprise when I saw eight presents being dropped into my lap and all of them reading “To: Shadow.”

We all took turns opening our presents. I had two presents from Amy (a coffee mug and a Chao toy), one present from Espio (a kunai), one present from Tails (a bag of coffee beans), one present from Knuckles (a Kill la Kill DVD) and... three presents from Sonic?!

The first one was classic Sonic stuff. A sweater with the word “faker” sewed on the chest. He thought that one was really funny. I didn’t really care.

The second one was more genuine. A pair of rocket boosters for my shoes. My old ones are just about dead, so this was welcome.

The third one... subverted all expectation. It was a small box that contained a piece of paper. It read:

“Dear Shadow, stay after the party and meet me upstairs when the others leave. Signed, Sonic.”

The others were curious about what Sonic meant by this. Silver joked that I was being sent to the principal’s office.

Eventually, the party came to a close and people left. I went upstairs as Sonic had told me, and there he was sitting on the edge of the bed.

He motioned for me to take a seat next to him. I sat down and asked him what he wanted me for, half-expecting something stupid.

“I understand you haven’t had the easiest life...”

I instantly got up to leave. No way I was sticking around to hear this again.

But Sonic grabbed my arm and yanked me back to the bed, his face now spelling genuine concern.

“...I know you mean well. Sometimes, you do things that we think are dumb but actually turn out to be smart. Other times, you just do dumb stuff. But that’s not the point. The point is, I want you to know that I’m still here for you. I can tell you’re bothered by your thoughts. But the bottom line is that I, and we, care about you. We love you, Shadow. I love you. Please don’t think you’re not worthy of being cared about. We have our ups and downs, but we always work it out eventually, right? I know your thought process works differently than mine. That does not make you any less deserving of respect. My greatest wish is that you would love yourself as much as we love you.”

I was stunned. That bastard. Quickly losing my composure, I began blubbering about how I couldn’t stand the thought of getting close to someone just to lose them again. How I’m so terrified that I will just be manipulated and used by people pretending to be my “friend.”

Sonic told me that he would never go away and that he would never “use” me.

Fuck. Fuck.

Sonic embraced me and I’m embarrassed to admit that I began sobbing as I wrapped my arms around him. I swore to myself that I’d never show any kind of weakness around them.

“It’s okay to cry,” he told me. “Don’t be afraid anymore. I’m here now. I’m here.”

“And I always will be. That’s a promise.”