#Like the way people are so quick to label others as toxic and just cut them off is why everyone feels like they were 'abandoned' when at

[overthemoonwithme]

I'm all caught up with heartbreak high and honestly we've really gone to the other extreme wrt to mental health and "not using it as an excuse". Do people not understand the difference between using trauma as an excuse to be shitty and a trauma response? Especially as a teenager?? I completely understand where Harper was coming from, and what Amerie did was extremely shitty, though she obviously did not know the full extent of the consequences of her actions. And I still empathize with both of them, and honestly the people who are labelling either of them as "toxic" have a pretty naive, if not damaging, view of what supportive friendships while dealing with severe trauma is like.

edit: really read something saying "the trauma was valid, the response was not" and I just...thats not how it works

[sleepyjuice]

r u mine? — jj maybank

summary: you weren’t sure what to call you and jj. friends with benefits? a situationship? either way, the two of you certainly acted like more than friends.

word count: 4181

warnings: lowkey toxic!jj but we love him, jealousy, smut 18+!!!, unprotected p in v sex, squirting, creampie, some fluff

a/n: i am quite proud of this one so I really hope y’all like it! let me know what you think! <3

“Ugh, I hate that word.” You shook your head, taking a swig of your nearly lukewarm beer, grimacing at the skunked taste on your tongue.

“What else would you call it?” Sarah scoffed, raising her eyebrows inquisitively at you as she playfully shoved your knee.

“Hanging out, I don’t know…” you mumbled, your feet playing absently with the sand below you.

“Yeah, okay. It’s okay to call it what it is. A situationship.” Sarah grinned, nodding her head oh so matter of factly at you.

You and Sarah somehow ended up at a kook party. It just kind of happened. It had been awhile since the two of you had been to one, but seeing as the rest of your friends either had plans or were working, it was either this or another night at home, but the former somehow seemed only slightly more appealing.

You didn’t like labels, but if you had to pick one, you were a pogue. You were in a similar boat as Sarah and Kiara. Rich parents, but you hated nothing more than the snobby, ‘I’m so much better than you’ lifestyle the people on your side of the island lived by. By no means were you ungrateful for the life you were given. Your privilege was not ignored. But it was the country club luncheons and the uptight fakeness and the general attitudes of those you grew up around that you wanted no part of. So one day, you met Kiara, and the two of you clicked almost instantly, both of you finding solace in someone who shared the same views. Next up you met Sarah, and the three of you were inseparable. Your friendship was great until it wasn’t, and you and Kie found home in a group of boys from the cut while Sarah completely turned the other way.

But that was old news, history. Sarah came around, started macking on John b, and the three of you eventually made up. Shit happens.

So here you were, on your third beer, sitting on the beach next to Sarah, the full blown kook party going on only a few hundred feet behind you. The two of you tried to mingle, but that lasted for a total of about five minutes before you took advantage of several coolers stocked to the brim with beers, each of you grabbing a few cans before making your way down to the mostly empty beach in front of the Oceanside home holding the party.

You found comfort in the peace and tranquility of the ocean, the soft glow of the moonlight illuminating your senses could have very well brought you peace, if your phone wasn’t blowing up with messages every few minutes.

jj maybank: you really ain’t gonna text me back? got me over here double texting and shit??

jj maybank: knew you’d go back to full kook eventually. my lifestyle ain’t enough for you huh?

jj maybank: alright that was out of pocket I can’t lie my b

You and jj had gotten along since the second you met. Apparently Kiara had been hyping you up, because surprisingly, jj showed zero apprehension to letting another ‘kook’ join his circle. The attraction was also immediate, on both ends, but that took a bit longer to come out. Shared glances weren’t uncommon, neither were legs brushing against each other on the boat, even though there was more than enough room for the two of you to sit apart.

You and jj were friends for about a month before you hooked up the first time. It wasn’t anything crazy, you were both drunk and horny and one thing led to another. It was sloppy and pretty quick. But instead of it being a one and done deal, it kept happening, no alcohol involved.

You couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment where it went from purely sex to more, but it just happened. You and jj would spend time alone without the rest of your friends, cuddling on the couch at the chateau while everyone was out, or you calling jj late at night sobbing after a particularly nasty argument with your parents, which led to him climbing through your bedroom window and staying the night, sneaking out before you woke up the next day. Since that night, you would keep your bedroom window cracked ever so slightly, and most nights, like clockwork, jj would make the familiar climb up and through the window to be with you. Sometimes this led to sex, but other times it didn’t. That’s why it was weird.

You had both agreed that you weren’t in a relationship. jj for one didn’t want to commit, and you didn’t either. Several shitty relationships prior to meeting jj would taint your view on love. So it seemed like you were on the same page, but both of your actions proved otherwise.

This is why it wasn’t an uncommon occurrence that jj was currently blowing up your phone. For two people who are not in a relationship, you both had your fair share of jealousy issues. But you shouldn’t, because you’re not in a relationship.

“He’s freaking out right now,” you groaned, turning to Sarah with an exasperated sigh as your eyes glazed over the messages on your phone, “he’s mad that I’m not responding and that I’m here, but he knows it’s Kelce’s birthday party and so he assumes Jake is here since they’re best friends… but he’s acting like I’m gonna do something, like are you serious?” You vented, finishing off the last few drops of your beer.

Jake was your most recent ex. Total asshole. You cringed every time you thought about your time shared together, hating the fact that you ever gave him the time of day. He was overly preppy, but also overly possessive, yet he still cheated on you. Imagine that.

“He’s mad about Jake?!” Sarah gaped, leaning in closer to you as she glanced down at your phone, not missing the texts flooding through from jj.

“That’s what I’m saying… I hate him, and it’s not like I’m gonna cheat on him —“

“Ah, you can’t cheat on someone you’re not dating.” Sarah hummed, shaking her head at you.

“Ugh, you know what I mean. This situationship bullshit is so stupid. But either way, that’s a valid point. Not only do I want nothing to do with Jake, but even if I did, jj isn’t my boyfriend, so he shouldn’t even be mad,” you rambled, pausing for a moment before looking back down to your phone, “yeah, no, that’s a good point, that’s what I’m gonna say.” You mumbled as you began typing out a response to jj’s multitude of texts.

you: you say it’s about the kooks but seems to me like it’s one kook in particular you’re mad about

you: yeah, jake is here. I ain’t dumb jj, you’re transparent as fuck lmao

you: also I’m just trying to figure out why you’re mad bc you know I hate him but even if I wanted him, why would that be your problem? We’re not dating soooo??

you: have a good night at work! <3

You locked your phone, but not before putting it on do not disturb and shoving it in the back pocket of your denim shorts.

“Oh, well now he’s gonna lose his shit even more.” Sarah giggled, having watched you type out your messages.

“I don’t care, let him. He’s pissing me off.” You shrugged, rolling your eyes, but you couldn’t help but laugh along with Sarah. You wouldn’t admit it out loud, but the thought of jj freaking out with jealousy over you made your stomach tingle. Just a little bit though…

An hour had passed since you had texted jj and you haven’t checked your phone once. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t the slightest bit curious to see his response, but your stubbornness was strong, outweighing your curiosity for the time being. The four beers in your system helped too, lightening up your overall mood and somewhat helping you forget about jj for a little while.

You were only a little tipsy at this point, but you and Sarah had mutually agreed to call it a night and start your trek home.

You both felt generally safe walking home. Streets were pretty well lit and it was figure 8, all the drunk creepy frat guys you had to worry about were down the street at the party.

“Hey, text me when you get home, okay? And keep me updated on jj whenever you check your phone. I’m honestly surprised he didn’t show up at Kelce’s after that exchange.” Sarah giggled as the two of you approached her house, giving her a quick hug goodbye and promising to update her. You only lived one street away from her, and she had plans with John b early the next morning so you decided to not sleepover this time.

You continued your journey home after seeing that Sarah had made it inside safely, sighing to yourself as the soft island breeze gently blew against your face, cooling down your slightly flushed cheeks.

You arrived home only five minutes later, tiptoeing through your dark home so as to not wake your sleeping parents, humming softly to yourself once you made your way upstairs and into your bedroom, pulling your shirt over your head and letting it fall onto the floor before fishing your phone out of your back pocket and tossing it onto the bed as you went to unbutton your shorts.

“Oh, so you do have a phone.”

You gasped, nearly screaming as you scrambled to flip your lights on, immediately spotting jj laid back on your bed, hands behind his head as he leaned seemingly comfortably against your headboard.

“jj what the fuck?!” You whisper yelled, wishing more than anything that your parents weren’t home so you could truly yell at him. You didn’t have to question how he got in, though. You had left your window cracked like you always did, as jj would have more than likely came over tonight anyways, but that was before you had started bickering over text. He had done this before, too, surprising you in your bedroom while you were at work or out with friends, coming home to the boy waiting for you in your bed.

“You put your shit on ‘do not text’ or whatever and I couldn’t get ahold of you. I was going to go straight to Kelce’s party, but I took a moment to consider the fact that that wouldn’t be a good idea, so I decided to wait for you here. Were you just gonna ignore me all night?” He sat up once you had acknowledged his presence, his hands playing with one of your pillows as he looked at you.

“First of all, it’s ’do not disturb’ and second, you were blowing up my shit and being annoying. Therefore, you were disturbing me.” You rolled your eyes, feeling jj’s eyes on you as you grabbed a sleep shirt from your closet and pulled it over your head before sitting on the edge of your bed as you worked to untie your shoes.

“Why do you do this to me?” jj whispered after a few moments of silence, scooting himself closer to where you were sat.

“What am I doing to you, jj?” You asked, not looking at him as you removed your first shoe, now untying the other.

“You — fuck. You make me fuckin’ crazy. I don’t like that I feel like this.” He muttered, and you could feel by the movements in the bed that he was anxiously adjusting and readjusting his hat, an anxious tick you had picked up quite early in your friendship with him.

“I make you crazy?” You questioned, your brows raising as you kicked off your other shoe and finally turned to look at the boy sat behind you on your bed.

“Yeah, and I hate it. Got me… got me checking my phone every two seconds to see if you texted me, fuckin’ — picturing you with that douchebag ex of yours… literally has my heart pounding. Like I can’t think about anything else.” He admitted, and you couldn’t miss the way his knee was shaking anxiously, his fingers playing absently with your blanket, yet he still kept his gaze on you.

“jj…” you breathed, your voice softening now. You felt for him. You knew it wasn’t easy for him to express his feelings, and you didn’t want to dismiss the way he was feeling just because you had argued. You would also be lying if you said you wouldn’t be jealous if he was around his ex all night… but you can blame that on your shitty past relationships, not because you didn’t want jj around girls he used to call his… definitely unrelated.

“Listen, I get what you’re saying, okay?” You sighed, slowly placing your hand on his bouncing knee. “But… we aren’t dating. We’re just friends who sleep together, you know?” You added quietly, hating the words that left your mouth, but it was the truth. There was no gentle way to say it.

“You’re right, you’re right. But let me just,” he reached for your hand over his knee, moving it to your side, “let’s just not talk about that right now, okay?” He licked his bottom lip, his hands now finding your thighs, rubbing the soft skin slowly, his fingertips inching their way up past the top of your shorts and underneath your shirt.

You didn’t speak as he took a hold of the bottom of your shirt, lifting the fabric over your head, leaving you completely bare from the waist up. You didn’t protest, your body heating up at his touch like it always did. He let out a long breath as he took in the sight of you before him, his hands quickly grabbing your tits, squeezing the soft flesh in his calloused hands, causing your back to arch slightly, your lips parting as an almost inaudible gasp left your lips.

His eyes found yours quickly following your reaction and you nodded at him, no words spoken between the two of you as you fully gave into his touch, crawling all the way onto your bed and scooting yourself back towards your pillows.

“So pretty..” he cooed, his fingers pinching your hard nipples, making you whimper softly, fully giving into him. You reached forward, pulling his hat off of his head and tossing it onto the floor alongside your shirt, your fingers entangling in his messy locks as you pulled him closer to you, wrapping your legs around his middle, bringing his face right up to yours before you connected your lips.

You hummed into the familiar feeling of your soft lips against his, and only a few seconds passed before your mouths had both parted and your tongues were moving sloppily together, his soft groans sending vibrations into your mouth and through your body, your core feeling even hotter and wetter as the seconds passed.

His hands continued to toy with your tits, but they eventually began to trail down your stomach, unbuttoning your shorts blindly as you continued to kiss. You lifted your hips up as he tugged the denim down your legs, leaving you in just your underwear.

You opened your mouth in protest when he suddenly pulled away from the kiss, your chest rising and falling rapidly as you caught your breath, about to say something about him pulling away but stopping once you watched as he pulled his shirt over his head, and your attention was now turned to his naked torso.

“Shh, I got you, I got you.” He murmured, his hands now tugging the zipper of his cargo shorts down, ridding himself of his shorts entirely, the two of you now only in underwear. Your eyes flew immediately to the ever present bulge in his boxers, and you didn’t miss the wet spot right where the tip of his dick was, no doubt leaking precum. You had almost an identical wet spot in your underwear as well, your arousal practically dripping out of you as each second passed, eager for his touch.

“jj, please.” You grumbled, wrapping your arms around his neck as he lowered himself back down to you, your lips connecting again, this time moving a lot quicker and more sloppily than only moments ago. Your centers both connected within seconds, you bucking your hips up to grind against him and him grinding himself down against you. Who had gone for it first, who knew. You were certainly on the same page.

“Please what, baby? Hm?” He breathed, holding himself up above you with only one hand as his other wriggled its way between your bodies and down to your wet core, fingers barely even teasing at the waistband before he slipped them inside, cupping your pussy.

“Fuck —“ you moaned, shamelessly grinding yourself against his hand, desperately aching for more of him. The feeling of just his hand had you crumbling, any thoughts of your disagreement from earlier were long gone and forgotten in this moment.

“Use your words, baby. You want my fingers?” He questioned, already knowing the answer.

“Yes, yes, please. Touch me.” You answered immediately, and that was all it took for him to yank your underwear down your legs and push his middle finger inside of you, effortlessly sliding into your slick yet tight walls. Your head fell back onto your pillow, a long exhale leaving your swollen lips as he pumped his finger quickly, adding a second after you began to adjust.

“Goddamn, you’re fuckin’ soaked, woman.” He spoke lowly, quickening his pace once he found a good rhythm, curling his fingers into your g-spot, emitting soft whimpers and curses from your lips, you still being half mindful of your sleeping parents down the hall.

The sight of jj’s furrowed brows and parted pink lips had your stomach turning, and you watched as he watched intently at the sight of his fingers moving in and out of your pussy, a look of concentration mixed with arousal evident upon his features. That and the spots his fingers had found inside of you had you crumbling quickly, your fingertips that were lazily resting in his hair now gripped tightly into his locks, your eyes squeezing shut as you felt your orgasm approaching quickly.

“jj, gonna cum, oh fuck, oh — oh god.” You panted, head flat on your pillows now as you felt him quicken his pace, hearing his own moans as you pulled on his hair.

“Yeah, let go for me, baby, come on now.” He urged, and that was all it took for you to let go, your orgasm hitting you at full force. He quickly shot his free hand up to your face to cover your mouth, quieting your loud cries of pleasure. He loved the sound of your sweet moans, but being caught by your parents would be less than ideal. You cried into his palm, your juices gushing out of you and all over jj’s hand and torso, dripping down and soaking his stomach and boxers.

“Oh fuck, that’s right, so good, so good, huh?” He cooed, his fingers slowing down as you rode out your high, uncovering your mouth once you had fully finished and planting several soft kisses all over your parted lips as you worked to catch your breath.

You lifted your head after a moment, your eyes opening to meet his hungry gaze, untangling your fingers from his hair to reach for his boxers. You needed more of him.

“Need you now.” You spoke, voice still a bit shaky as you had just caught your breath. You removed his boxers with his help, his leaking cock springing free from the restraint of the tight fabric. Your mouth watered at the sight, watching as he pumped himself slowly, finally giving himself some relief.

“Need me inside you, sweet girl? Hm?” He licked his bottom lip as you nodded eagerly, a smug grin present on his lips at your neediness. You didn’t care, he could be cocky after the orgasm he just gave you. He could have his moment.

“Please. Please fuck me.” You pleaded, pushing your hips up to rub yourself against his cock. He groaned at the contact, giving himself a few more pumps before tapping his tip against your sensitive clit, causing you to gasp and push your thighs together purely out of reflex.

“Ahh, keep those legs open for me. Gotta open up so I can fuck you, sweet thing.” He tisked, pushing your thighs open with his free hand, positioning his cock against your entrance, slowly pushing himself in. Once halfway inside, his hand trailed down from your thigh to grab your ankle, lifting your leg to wrap around his back, quickly doing the same with your other leg.

Finally getting you positioned like he wanted, he pushed himself all the way in, jaw going slack once he bottomed out, grunting at the depth he reached inside of you.

“Fuuckkk,” he breathed, his messy hair falling onto his forehead as he looked down at the two of you, fully connected. He inhaled sharply before he began moving, struggling to keep his eyes open as your tight pussy hugged his cock perfectly. But he wanted to watch you, that was one of the best parts.

You did everything in your power to not scream, his cock immediately hitting all the right spots inside of you, his pelvis hitting your clit with every thrust. You couldn’t stop yourself from moaning however, your arms wrapping around his neck to hold you up, keeping your body somewhat up. Your fingernails found home in the soft skin of his back, each trust and movement he made surely forming scratches into the skin.

“So good, so good,” he moaned, sweat beading past his hairline as he found the perfect pace, his balls slapping your ass as his cock disappeared inside of you, “you’re fucking perfect, yeah, oh fuck.” He breathed shakily, almost whining as you squeezed your legs tighter around his torso, his body pushing closer to you if possible, his dick hitting deep inside your wet pussy.

You were a mess beneath him. The tension throughout the night and the way he was fucking you perfectly was not doing anything to prolong your orgasm. But you could feel by the way he pulsated inside of you that he wasn’t going to last long either.

“Shit, I’m close, baby. Where d’you want me to cum?” He asked, slowing his thrusts for a moment as he attempted to gain composure of himself, wanting to give you one last orgasm before he finished.

You didn’t even hesitate before responding.

“Inside.” You answered, eyes looking up to meet his.

He cocked his head in confusion, stilling his movements following your words, almost unsure if he had heard you correctly.

“Don’t fuck with me —“

“I’m not, jj. Please. Want you to cum inside me.” You assured him, pushing your hips up, urging him to move again.

“You… okay.” He resumed his movements, each thrust bringing both you and him closer to the edge.

“Oh fuck jj, I’m gonna cu-“

“Say you’re mine.” He cut you off, not stopping his movements, his breathing was shaky but his voice was steady, and he was serious.

“What?” You panted, your chest rising and falling rapidly.

“Say you’re mine.” He repeated himself, soft grunts following his words as he watched your face below him.

You knew what he was saying, and maybe it was the impending orgasm, or maybe it was the fact that you had never felt this way with anyone before him. Maybe after you said it and you both finished you would both get hit with that post nut clarity and go back on your words, but you could figure all of that out later. You could be his. You wanted to be his.

“I’m yours.” You spoke, and that was all it took for him to reach his end, his balls tightening, thrusts sloppy but still quick as he released inside of you in hot spurts, his face falling forward as he moaned, triggering your own release.

The wet sounds of his cock pushing into your cum filled pussy filled the room, his movements slowing down as you both rode out your highs together, eventually stopping completely before he slowly pulled himself out of you.

His cum leaked out of you almost immediately, but jj was quick to reach over the side of the bed and grab his shirt, placing it under your leaking pussy.

“Shit,” he breathed, rubbing your lower stomach gently as your bodies both began to relax, leaning down to kiss your swollen lips gently.

“You still mine?” He asked after a few moments of silence, mentally preparing himself for your rejection, nervous you had only said that in the heat of the moment. He meant what he said though.

“Mhm, I’m still yours.”

[mariabtsos]

Nuts - ||k.nj||

Description: how had Namjoon ended up in this situation? What do you mean he had to actually make a connection instead of fucking your brains out?

Genre: Oneshot, Non-idol AU, Rapper!Namjoon x Makeup Artist f!reader, strangers-to-lovers, Too Hot To Handle inspired, SMUT SMUT SMUT!! Hopeful ending. 

Warnings: Namjoon is a bit of a player and full of himself, just smut overall with a hopefully balanced plot, eventually he’ll get back in touch with his feelings, this might be the longest oneshot I've written? Oral sex f receiving, fingering f receiving, grinding, slight exhibitionism.

Word Count: 8.5k+

Namjoon thought himself a reasonable person, horny, but reasonable. He never needed to go to extremes to get what he wanted, whether it be an artist he liked to feature on a song, or fuck the sexy girl that kept bringing champagne over to his table at club. She was leaning against the wall of some small maintenance closet, her back was arched as he pounded into her relentlessly.

Once they finished, he could tell she would want more, doing a not so subtle attempt at slipping her phone number into Namjoon’s back pocket. He smirked and walked out after fixing himself up, knowing full well this would be the last time he’d see her, Namjoon never came back for seconds once he had them. It was nothing against the women he slept with, he didn’t used to be this way, but a few instances of heartbreak and a toxic cycle of make up sex can lead one to denounce love all together and give into pure carnal desire.

Such was Namjoon’s case.

When he arrived at his table he noticed his manager, Jin, and his two best friends, Hoseok and Yoongi, did not receive him with the usual knowing smiles, granted, this time he hadn’t waited long to ditch them for some pussy. Namjoon usually gave it about an hour or two into an outing before temporarily or permanently leaving his friends, but he supposed tonight he really needed a quick fix.

“Why do y’all look like you’re mad at me?” he asked, taking a seat and picking at the chips and salsa that had been placed at the center of their table.

The VIP section of the club was nice, it had a great mix of different low and high-grade celebrities, Namjoon liked to think he was making his way up from the low end of the spectrum, now that he’d been picked up a small label and his mixtape would go from SoundCloud to mainstream platforms.

“We’ve barely been here for half an hour, Namjoon-ah,” Jin complained, holding the bridge of his nose between his index finger and his thumb, Namjoon just continued to stare at him confused. “Well, it’s not my fault, every time she was serving us drinks her tits were right there, and I don’t know if you noticed but they were beautifully proportioned,” he smiled cheekily.

His friends didn’t reciprocate it.

“The label signed you up for a reality show,” Jin stated bluntly, Namjoon almost thought he heard a record scratch, “why?”

“They think it’s good exposure for you,” the older shrugged, “plus it’s like a retreat, you get to stay in a villa with other people and you play games through the summer to win a cash prize.”

“Will I get to keep the cash prize when I win?” he asked, Yoongi and Hoseok sharing a look of annoyance at their friend’s cockiness.

Namjoon had never really been the cocky type, but once his mixtapes and albums started getting hundreds of thousands of streams, and girls seemed to follow him like bees in search of honey, he’d seemed to have his feet a little too far off the ground, and it got worse once he was signed to the label.

“The label is considering it if you create enough buzz around yourself.”

“Well then, I guess I have my work cut out for me,” he smiled, dimples on full display.

You kept refreshing your email every minute, you needed this opportunity, you needed this. It had been your dream since becoming a makeup artist to open your own salon. You were tired of taking clients in the small living room of your studio apartment.

You had been looking for an investor for months when you finally found one that had been interested in your business. He had arranged an interview with you and had asked for a portfolio of your work, just to see what you offered would be worth what you were asking, everything in the interview suggested it was. You were told to wait about a week for them to get back to you, and now that it had been a couple days after the week mark you were starting to get nervous.

The notification sound of a new email made your heart start to race.

From: Hwang Jongdae

Subject: Investment on 2!3! Beauty Salon

Good morning, miss Yn,

After careful consideration of your proposal, we have unfortunately decided that we will not move forward…

You didn’t need to read the rest of the lengthy email, you slammed your laptop shut, immediately reaching for your phone to call your sister, tears inevitably escaped your eyes as soon as she picked up your call.

“Ynie what’s wrong?” She asked, her face showing immediate concern. You explained the situation to her through sobs and snot.

“I don’t know what to do!”

“You could come out with me and Danbi, we are going to the club tonight, maybe you’ll find some rich drunk guy that will invest in your salon.”

You were apprehensive at first, but in the end here you were, in the middle of a night club making somewhat conversation with some guy who’d long taken off his suit jacket and tie, you weren’t planning on anything, you just wanted to someone to converse with since your sister and her girlfriend had ditched you to go dancing.

It wasn’t your fault you had ended up outside making out. You were just sad and needed some cheering up, making out with a stranger sounded like a quick fix, and maybe you’d get a room somewhere and you could enjoy the brief happiness that came with having a one night stand

“Well, I think, your story could make for great reality TV,” his speech was slightly slurred as he pulled away, a sign that the glass he was somehow still holding was definitely not one of the first ones he’d had tonight, “I’m casting this…um…competition show, you get to spend the summer in a pretty villa with pretty people and play games, you can win a SHIT load of money,” he kept leaning toward you, you had to hold back the urge to puke as his breath reeked of alcohol.

You were interested as soon as he mentioned money, you didn’t care what kind of competition it was, you would do anything to make your dream into reality, even if it meant participating in some stupid TV show and dealing with dumb people.

Namjoon was a bit upset about giving up his phone the night before their first day of shooting, but this retreat was meant to be a place where he could disconnect entirely. Which wasn’t an entirely bad idea, the past few weeks was mainly a lot of paperwork and filming his intro for the show, apparently, he’d be the “first to arrive.”

He was happy to see champagne set up on a hightop table, he served himself a glass and waited, other guys started showing up, and then the girls started showing up as well, and to say he was pleasantly surprised was an understatement, all the women were beautiful and when you walked in? 

Namjoon quickly knew that you'd be his target.

He was immediately attracted to you, for a moment he really thought that whoever was up there, if there was anyone, must've put you right there, you were exactly the type he went for when he looked for a quick lay. You were wearing a full body bathing suit, given that the villa was at a beachfront, like shows like these often were. Your hair was down in what he assumed was its natural form, and your make up accentuated your face's features beautifully.

The rest of the girls immediately went to greet you, while the men just stared and spoke amongst themselves about who they liked, it was mostly varied answers. The six girls were the stereotypical body type you’d see in shows like these, although some were definitely on the curvier side, all from different places, the guys were pretty much the same, all well built and mouth-watering.

“Okay so to catch you up to speed…um” one of the girls spoke.

“Yn”

“Right, we have all been scanning the boys and let me tell you, it’s going to be a bloodbath,” she chuckled, as did all the others. She introduced herself as Andrea, and the other girls introduced themselves shortly after.

They walked you over to where the high-tops were, and you would be lying if you said you didn’t notice the way the beautiful dragon-eyed man was devouring you with his gaze, and regardless of your small cover-up skirt and your full body bathing suit, you felt very much naked and aroused. If his gaze alone could do that, what could he do to you?. You had no time to calm your racing heart as he approached, his tall frame towered over you.

“Hey,” his voice sounded like honey, “my name is Namjoon, what’s yours?” he wasn’t subtle at all with the way his eyes trailed up and down your body.

“Yn,” you held your hand out to him “nice to meet you Namjoon,” he took it, bringing your knuckles up to his lips to kiss, you quickly took your hand away.

“What, you don’t like chivalry?”

“You don’t seem like the type to do it genuinely,” you admitted.

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to prove you wrong.”

Your neck was hurting badly, you didn’t realize how close he’d gotten to you, making his stature much more than what you had initially suspected. Namjoon enjoyed the vertical advantage, as it gave him a perfect view to your tits, so beautiful and round, he could feel himself slowly harden, he was ready to tell you to come with him to one of the rooms so you could act upon it, when the host of the show finally showed up.

“Hello guys!” he was a beautiful man as well, did this show only look for good looking people? The producer you’d met said you’d be with pretty people, but this was another level, what a major boost to your ego. “I’m Taehyung, welcome Games in Paradise!” Everyone cheered and clapped as the host gave a pretty boxy smile, “you’ll spend the rest of your summer here, where if you succeed with our challenges, you will win a fantastic prize! Your first challenge will be announced later on by the beach, please explore your home for the next two months and enjoy!” Cheers erupted from the small group again, and everyone dispersed after Taehyung walked away.

And explore you did, the villa was huge, it came fully equipped with everything one could only dream of having. The kitchen was fully stocked with a bunch of fancy appliances for your convenience, the bathrooms were gorgeous and came with both a standing shower and a bathtub, the sleeping area had six queen sized beds and nightstands were full of things to make all the sex everyone was planning on having more enjoyable, from condoms to toys, to lube; a few rooms were locked and you weren’t sure why, but no one really cared, considering everyone starting breaking off into duos and small groups to start enjoying their time there.

(T-4 hours)

Andrea, and yourself were enjoying sun-tanning on the lounge chairs right in front of the pool, your cover-ups long gone as your asses in full display as you laid on your stomach. You were reading a book you had picked out of the villa’s small bookcase, while your newly found friend had her eyes closed.

“So, you and Namjoon huh?” she spoke, you looked up to see her sunglasses down to the tip of her nose as she stared at you suggestively. “He’s hot as fuck, anyone here would stupid not to be turned on by his mere sight,” you shrugged.

“The way he was looking at you I thought he was going to fuck you right then and there!” she giggled. You sighed in response and went back to reading your book, mainly to distract yourself from the godly man you’d met, and the many things you wished he’d do to you, so your wetness wouldn’t ruin your favorite swimsuit.

Namjoon was watching you from far away, two of the guys he’d met on either side of him also watching the girls they so badly wanted. Namjoon would enjoy his time here, whether it was with you, or someone who offered to help with his urges sooner. “Okay,” he stood up from his spot, “y’all can enjoy staring and not touching, I’m going in,” he started walking off when he felt a smack in his ass, surely from Jimin, one of the guys he’d been seating with, and his newest friend.

As he walked down to the lounge chairs he noticed someone else taking your friend away, leaving you alone.

Perfect, no interruptions, he thought.

“Hello again,” greeted you once he was close enough to you, he sat down at the spot your friend was previously laying on, his eyes shamelessly enjoying the view of your ass.

“If we still had our phones I’d tell you to take a picture,” you quipped, Namjoon looked back to your face and found you had been staring at him, he flushed slightly at being caught, but got himself together fairly quickly.

“Can you blame me when you have such a wonderful ass?” he chuckled, his dimples in full display which only made him more attractive in your eyes. The silence wasn’t awkward, but it was definitely filled with tension, you took off your sunglasses, a small smirk on your face “I bet you’d love to fuck it wouldn’t you?”

Namjoon wasn’t expecting such a bold response. He choked on his own saliva and got into a coughing fit as he heard you cackle loudly. When it finally subsided, he noticed you’d left, leaving a water bottle at his feet and a note on the lounge chair you had been seated on not so long ago.

Meet me in the sleeping area ;)

(T- 30 minutes)

There truly was no way of explaining your current predicament. How had you ended up like this so quickly? It was truly all a blur.

All you knew was that you were straddling Namjoon, dry-humping his erection over his swimming trunks, and making out ferociously.

Namjoon felt his dick getting impossibly stiff as you rubbed your pussy against it, your moans swallowed by his lips as he put his tongue down your throat. He played with your tits, massaging one of the mounds with one hand and holding your ass with another. “Can I pull down the straps?” he groaned as you moved to kiss him behind his ear and down his sharp jawline; you managed to muster a pathetic ‘mmhmm’ and you felt your nipples brushing against his chest and then being pinched and rolled between Namjoon’s thumb and index finger.

“Your body is so gorgeous,” he complimented before putting the breast he was playing with in his mouth, making you arch your back and moan as he sucked and licked it to his heart’s content. When he released your breast from his mouth he slowly dragged his hand down to your core, expertly moving your swimsuit aside and using his thumb to rub your already sensitive bundle of nerves, “fuck!” you moaned, he then moved his hand so that his thumb continued to rub your clit as he inserted his finger inside of you, “so wet for me,” he added another, “so tight,” and another “can’t wait to fuck this slick, tight pussy until you can’t walk” his fingers curved deliciously against your walls and you could feel the coil of pleasure tightening inside you.

“Take off your pants,” you managed to plead.

“Hmm?”

“Take off your pants, please, I want to rid-”

“Hello,” a robotic voice interrupted your pleas, scaring you so badly you almost ended up falling off of Namjoons lap. He gently took his fingers out of you and fixed up your swimsuit just in case someone was about to walk in. “Who the fuck is there?!” Namjoon asked sternly, carefully moving you off his lap.

“My name is Lana,” that’s when you finally noticed the small cone on top of a decorative table. “I hope you are enjoying the retreat, please head down to the palapa, it should be next to the place you arrived at today.”

You and Namjoon stared at each other, having a mental conversation on whether you actually wanted to or not, ultimately going back to making out. Namjoon wanted you so badly, and the stupid Lana robot had definitely not made him any harder, but he was sure he’d be back to it once you guys got back in the mood.

“Hurry up, lovebirds.” Lana’s robotic timbre interrupted them yet again, making you fall backwards on the bed “ugh!” You complained, “Let’s go before she becomes more of a buzz kill.”

You sat next to Namjoon, his arm was around your shoulders. You saw Andrea sitting among some of the girls, one of them in particular, Jihee you thought was her name, was throwing daggers at you with her eyes. All you could do was give her a tight-lipped smile, looking away from her as the small cone that had scared you earlier slowly rose up on a platform in the middle of the table.

“Hello, contestants,” her multicolored light blinked as she spoke, “I have gathered information during this first day of the retreat.” Everyone looked at each other, in a very ‘what the fuck’ kind of way because up until she spoke, you had thought her to be a very fancy diffuser, “it has been most insightful.”

“What the fuck does she mean?” Andrea spoke up.

“The purpose of the retreat is to have you create deep, meaningful, emotional connections, instead of the meaningless flings you’ve all been having.”

“So… have platonic relationships with women?” Jimin looked confused, he didn’t have to wait long for an answer.

“To incentivize you not to do this, I have set the prize money to one-hundred thousand dollars.”

‘Oh my god’s’ were spread out through the group, as they all talked about what that amount of money could do for them, you opened up to Namjoon and Andrea who were the people sitting closest to you, “that money could definitely get me my salon!”

“You’re a hairdresser?” Andrea asked.

“Makeup artist, but I’m planning on having a full service salon,” you smiled sweetly, Namjoon found the sparkle in your eye somewhat endearing when you talked about your dream, but, he couldn’t let himself dwell on it for long, he wanted a good lay, not a deep connection, deep connections had only caused him pain.

“However,” Lana interrupted the group’s chatter, “there are conditions to your stay in order to win the prize,” you hoped the collective complaint wasn’t missed on the small cone, although you were sure it was, it was a robot after all.

“There will be no kissing.”

Your eyes widened, as did most of the groups. “Well, she only said kissing right?” Jihee said.

“No heavy petting.” 

“This is fucking stupid,” Daniel, one of the guys Namjoon had been hanging out with spoke.

“No sex of any kind, this includes self-gratification,” the chorus of what’s and no’s that broke out from the group were immediate, and you felt regretful, if you had cut to the chase sooner you could’ve gotten a really good dicking from Namjoon, and now you were all going to be blue balled.

Or were you?

(Day 2)

You woke up the next morning comfy, you and Namjoon decided you would share a bed, and his muscular arms held you tightly, and you felt protected in a way. You hadn’t been one for cuddling in a long time, not since your last relationship almost 4 years ago. It had ended quite tumultuously, especially due to its toxic and suffocating nature. It was mainly why you had one night stands, you didn’t have to cuddle if you didn’t want to, you could just leave right after.

You also didn’t miss Namjoon’s morning wood against your ass, no one was awake yet aside from you, so you decided to be a little risky and pretend like you were adjusting yourself, only to rub up on Namjoon’s dick some more. His grip tightened at your hips, you felt his breath against your ear as he groaned.

“You better stop that, or I’ll fuck you just like this,” he whispered, you could feel yourself getting slick at his words, how badly you wanted him follow through. “Don’t you want the money?” you whispered back, doing your best to hold your moans as he grinded against your ass, “Lana is a dumb fucking robot, how will she know?”

Fuck it.

That’s how you ended up with your shorts and underwear halfway down your legs, and with Namjoon’s fingers deep in your pussy, just like last night. You were biting your pillow and doing your best to hold back your moans. “You ready for me baby?”

Best you could do was reach back and touch him, you wanted to keep quiet just in case someone heard you. He slowly teased your entrance with the tip of his cock, you had yet to see it but when it breached you, you could tell he was thick, and as he slowly fed himself into your pussy, it was ten times harder to stay quiet. Yup. He was definitely big. 

He fucked you slowly, and he had to hold himself back as well, your pussy felt so good and it almost felt like you sucked him in deeper with every thrust, he wanted to rail you, to make you scream and moan so that everyone knew just how good he fuck you. “You’re taking my cock so well,” he praised you, causing you to clench harder on him, “if you keep doing that I’m going to cum,” you answered, “why don’t you hmm? Maybe I’ll pump full of my cum too, and make you keep it in so no one knows what we did,” he bit your earlobe and you almost moaned out loud. The coil in your stomach snapped, and your back arched from the pleasure the beautiful man behind you was giving you, it wasn’t long before he came as well, and just like he said, you were filled to the brim.

After your morning shower and getting yourself ready, you were out and about with the girls hanging out in the pool, it was a hot, sunny day, and you were having fun hanging out with the gals.

“Were you okay this morning, Yn? I thought I kept hearing moan?” Jihee asked, making the rest of the girls turn to you. You and Namjoon had agreed to not tell anyone about your little escapade this morning. “I was having a really bad nightmare, I’m sorry,” you smiled apologetically.

Jihee didn’t seem to believe you, meanwhile the other girls rushed to ensure you were okay, they kept asking what your nightmare was about, thankfully, before the show you’d have a really bad one, so you used that one for your story, they didn’t know it wasn’t recent. However, you didn’t miss the angry looks from Jihee, but you didn’t have much time to dwell on it, as the guys came over to the pool to get you, stating that Lana had called for you all to go to the palapa.

You sat next to Namjoon again, who placed his arm on the armrest behind you. You were staring off, not really setting your eyes on one thing until they landed on his thighs. They were so thick and muscular, you wondered what riding them felt like, perhaps that could be the next thing you and Namjoon sneaked off to do.

“Hello, contestants,” the small cone in the middle of the table spoke, everyone greeted it back. “It has come to my attention someone may have broken the rules,” everyone stared around, except for Namjoon, who was playing with the leftover fabric of the headband you were wearing.

“No one’s done anything Lana,” Jimin stated.

“My cameras picked up movement and audio last night, are you sure?” The girls stared at you so quick you were worried they would break their necks, “Yn? You said you had a bad nightmare last night didn’t you?” Jihee’s voice was laced with cattiness, and you felt a slight tug to your headband.

“My cameras picked Namjoon, speaking also.”

“Her nightmare sounded pretty bad, I was whispering in her ear to calm her down, nothing happened,” the way he lied so effortlessly made you feel weird, and you remembered why you’d been single for so long, you didn’t want to be in another situation where you were gaslighted and lied to.

You were grateful that you had kept your movement so slow and subtle.

“Just a warning, if you are found breaking the rules, depending on what you do, you will lose money.”

All hell broke loose then.

(Day 14)

You had managed to go this far without you or Namjoon making a single sexual move, and it was killing him not being able to plow you like he wanted to. It was good because you weren’t the first to lose the group money, Daniel and Jihee were surprisingly the firsts to do so, Jihee had given head to Daniel twice in one day, losing twelve thousand dollars. Later on, Andrea and Jimin kissed a few times, losing six thousand dollars.

Namjoon thought that building an emotional connection was dumb, he’d done that before, and each time it ended in a heartbreak worse than the last, his most recent relationship being what made him swear off on relationships. The girl he had dated was someone he’d loved, he’d do everything for her, every song was for her, any money made from his music went to both his and her bills, he almost dropped his best friends for her. 

And then he found out she’d been cheating on him all along.

It absolutely broke him, he couldn’t understand why he wasn’t good enough, he’d always been a gentleman, he would spoil her, love her, why wasn’t that enough? 

He didn’t care anymore, when he had an urge he would go to the clubs, or even after a gig he would pull a fan he found hot and he would fuck them until he was satisfied, leaving shortly after, or if he was craving something more intimate he would cuddle them after for a little while, no deep conversation, no sob stories shared, no number exchange. No strings attached. It was the only way not to get hurt.

You were so nice, such a good fuck. He almost wished you had met a few years before, then again would he have looked your way? He always seemed to be dating women who only wanted him for his money, women who never appreciated the little things. You did. He’d made you coffee this morning, using the keurig in the kitchen because he knew he would burn the villa down if he did it like some of the others were making it. He did it because you had become somewhat friends, sexual tension aside, your conversations were great, even if they were forced at first to distract you both from how badly you wanted the other, maybe he’d leave this with you as a good friend. All the girls cooed at the nice gesture, and Namjoon visibly cringed “it’s just fucking coffee it doesn’t mean anything.”

Oh, how those words hurt you.

You had unfortunately developed a crush for the rapper. He was so incredibly smart, he had such wisdom and insight, and his face card was crazy. You had felt horny the first few days, after your small rendezvous, but that subsided once you had more and more conversations, you really like his brain. However, how you felt didn’t matter, he didn’t want you like that, you were someone he fucked once and that he wants to fuck again, nothing more, nothing less. So, maybe it was a good thing that new players came into the scene.

Lana announced them, and it wasn’t long before you spotted them walking down the beach, two men. Both men were absolutely ripped, one of them had a full sleeve and piercings, making you salivate at the sight, the other didn’t have any tattoos, but he had a somewhat big nose and a beautiful smile. When they arrived they quickly introduced themselves as Christopher and Jungkook. The latter seemed to have immediately set an eye on you as he immediately started conversing with you and tried to get to know you better. You and the others had to explain the rules to the newcomers, they weren’t exactly thrilled, but they got over somewhat quickly.

“Ynie, do you want to go talk somewhere else alone?” the doe-eyed man asked, and how could you say no to that pretty smirk. Namjoon didn’t really like it as he saw you walk away with the younger man.

“You can’t talk to her the way you did this morning and expect her not to move on,” Andrea spoke, Jimin giggled next to her. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, I don’t care,” he clarified, making your friend roll her eyes.

“Attention, contestants,” Lana’s voice broke through the various conversations, “there will be a special event happening near the garden tomorrow, please go there in the morning.”

“What’s in it for us anyway?” Chris spoke up.

“The person who shows the most progress and success will win a date with a person of their choosing,” now that changes things.

(Day 15)

Without words. That’s what the workshop was called.

Lana had paired all of you up, and you had ended up being paired with Jungkook, whilst Namjoon was paired with Jihee. Namjoon wasn’t one to be possessive of the people he fucked, but it wasn’t that he fucked you before, you were his friend, and Jungkook seemed like he was up to no good, what with the big deceitful doe eyes.

You were excited though, it was a fresh start for you, maybe Jungkook will be able to give you that deep emotional connection you were supposed to look for. You hadn’t wanted it at first, but your growing feelings for Namjoon along with all the workshops you had done so far helped you realize that. This one in particular had two stages, the first one was picking up on your partner’s body language. You had to go for a hug with Jungkook showing a specific emotion, and he would have to guess it later, that emotion was excitement.

Once Lana gave you the go, you ran toward the pretty man and hopped on him, wrapping your legs around him. He quickly caught you, wrapping one arm around you and using his other hand to hold one of your legs up, you both were so giggly, and everyone in the group could tell you were enjoying each other’s company. Namjoon was hugging Jihee but he wasn’t putting that much effort in it, he was watching you and Jungkook, and the stupid shit eating grin he had whilst you hugged. How badly he wanted to be the one you had your legs wrapped around, he was getting a little upset at how long you were hugging this newcomer for, considering everyone had stopped except for you two.

“We don’t have all day!” Namjoon remarked, his tone was bitter. You didn’t realize you had embraced Jungkook for so long, you had connected a lot during his first day, you talked until the high hours of the night, so you felt good with him, it was easy. You let go and walked back, whispering I’m sorry’s to the group for the hold up. “The next stage is soul gazing, you will stare at your partner in silence, it encourages you to see and connect with your partner on a deeper emotional level,” Lana said.

The silence of everyone was quite comfortable, and watching Jungkook you felt such warmth and kindness emanating from him, and you also saw him tear up a bit. “You have a beautiful soul Ynie,” he admitted, and like the Grinch, you felt your heart grow three sizes from those words. Namjoon, however, was seething, who the hell is guy anyway, why is he making you swoon all the sudden? It was bullshit, absolute bullshit. After the workshop was finally over, Lana announced the winner, you.

“Yn, who do you choose to go on this date with,” the little cone asked, and everyone’s eyes were on you. The expectations were skewed, some were expecting you to pick Namjoon, and some were expecting you to pick Jungkook based on the past two days alone.

“Jungkook,” he had the prettiest smile, “wanna go on this date with me?”

“Yes!” He was very enthusiastic, giving you a quick side hug, the girls rushed to your side to help you get ready.

Namjoon was with the guys as they all watched Jungkook getting ready, he wasn’t very excited about the prospect of you going on a date with someone, he wanted you all for himself to enjoy and he couldn’t have that if you went with Jungkook. He heard Jimin giggling, noticing he’d been staring at him this whole time. “What?”

“Good thing you don’t have laser vision, poor Jungkookie would be dead if you did,” he continued to chuckle.

“I’m not even looking at him.”

“Give me a fucking break hyung, it’s obvious you are jealous of the guy, I mean just today’s workshop alone shows that,” Jimin explained, “if you like Yn you should shoot your shot.”

Did Namjoon like you? I mean he was definitely not repulsed by you, you were a smart, pretty girl. But how would he know you wouldn't use him? Sure you didn't seem like you would but what about when you were out in the real world?

“I'll be back,” Jungkook had a big grin on his face, “wish me luck!”

As Namjoon watched the youngest out of the men walk out, he decided he would get dressed himself, and get his frustration out with the punching bag at their designated workout area. Watching as he met you at the door to the villa. You were wearing a simple gray summer dress and it complimented your skin tone beautifully.

Jungkook was a little confused on why Namjoon was so adamantly upset at him, but he couldn’t worry about him right now, not when he was so excited to see you. You were incredibly nice to him when he arrived, and your conversation had been so wonderful when he’d pulled you aside. You talked about so many things, where you were from, what you did for work, what your goals were.

“I’m a tattoo artist! I’ve drawn most of the pieces I’ve gotten done,” he took off the shirt he was wearing, the white tank top underneath being the only thing keeping you from seeing his abs. His sleeve was beautiful, so incredibly colorful and full of life, he explained most of his tattoos, including the ones that were meant as cover-ups for others. Your eyes got lost in the way his muscles flexed as they trailed up his arm, eventually your gaze ended up meeting his.

He had stars in his eyes, and his smile seemed so incredibly genuine, he cocked his head to the side as he stared at you, “can I ask you something?” you nodded, “do you and Namjoon hyung have something going on? I don’t want to move forward with pursuing you if you are not available,” the question left you a bit stunned and you thought it through before deciding to trust Jungkook with the truth.

“We’ve had some serious sexual tension since we got here,” you admitted, “no one knows this but we actually fucked on our second night here,” the pretty man in front of you deflated a bit, and then it seemed to hit him, “so, not even the weird cone thing knows?”

“I mean she probably knows now,” you chuckled humorlessly. “Anyway, after that we agreed not to tell anyone, and we started building a friendship, I started sort of catching feelings, and I thought he was too, he would do little nice things for me, and then say something mean after,” you sighed, “so I’m not sure about him as person.”

Jungkook was a great listener, he stayed quiet and gave you his undivided attention the entire time you were talking, and now he sat pensive, looking up at the stars as he tried to come up with something to tell you, “I think you are really cool, Yn, and I think you deserve someone who will want you in every way, not just because you’re stunning” you blushed slightly at his words, “I would love to get to know you better and explore something with you, but if you want Namjoon that badly, then I don’t want to get hurt, going after girls who are emotionally unavailable or attached to someone else is exactly why I’ve become a man whore.”

You were shocked at his candor and honesty, but it endeared you to him and made you envy him. Why couldn’t you have your shit together? Why were your boundaries so unclear? Worst of all, a pretty guy who had treated you with nothing but respect wanted you… but your feelings for Namjoon were more, from the small coffee offering to conversations he would have with you about books you both had read, to deep conversations about each other’s life.

“You are a good person Jungkook.”

“But I’m not the kind of person you want.” You gave him a saddened smile, “I’m fine with being your friend Ynie, you are a good person too, and in time Namjoon will realize it too,” the night continued on with so much laughter, Jungkook felt like a long lost friend, and you were happy that life had brought him to you.

Namjoon was not happy. The people in the villa watched as he beat the absolute shit out of the punching bag in front of him, his jaw was clenched, and his mind was playing all the possibilities of what may happen on your date with Jungkook.

Did you do any of the things you'd done with him? Did you kiss him? Did you like him? Will you come back with a stronger connection and leave him to rot?

If you did he wouldn't blame you, he deserves every one of those things, especially after the way he'd treated you, all hot and cold. It truly isn't his fault, so many strings of wrong relationships, with the last one being a constant cycle of toxicity and gaslighting, which Namjoon can now admit he was a part of. Him and his last partner weren't good for each other, but they loved each other so intensely they didn't want to let go.

Love hard, hurt harder, you know?

He heard your unmistakable laughter along with his, and he started punching his bag harder. How long had he been standing here punching this poor bag? He didn't care, currently he was imagining Jungkook’s head on a stake.

“Namjoon?” Your voice pulled him out of his thoughts, he turned his gaze toward, whilst still in a punching stance, “can we talk?” Namjoon straightened up at that. He kinda liked the way you were checking how sweaty his body was, he didn't like your sudden frown however.

“Your knuckles are bleeding.” 

Were they? Surely he wasn't punching the bag that long that hard. But when he pulled up his hands to look at the damage he couldn't help but cackle.

“I guess they are.”

“Why don't you go take care of them and then we can talk, hmm?” You gave him a tight, close-lipped smile.

Fuck no.

There was no way he was letting you leave after you were the reason he'd been punching this bag, not when he'd spent the last however long wondering, overthinking, what you and Jungkook would possibly be doing. There was simply no way. It was almost a reflex the way his hand wrapped around your wrist, you barely had time to look at him before he pulled you away to a secluded corner of the villa, cornering you against the wall with both of his arms caging you in, droplets of sweat all over his body. 

It was crazy, the way your body seemed to respond so quickly to him, he heard the small whimper, and saw how you put your legs together, and fuck sake the way you were looking at him was like you were begging him to…

He wanted to do this right though. He moved away slightly, giving you some space to breathe, “what'd you wanna talk about Yn?”

“My date with Jungkook went well,” okay maybe not what he was expecting.

“Good for you?”

“I think we'll be great friends, him and I,” Namjoon suddenly felt himself taking a deep breath of relief. “Really?” The space he'd given you was gone again.

He hoped you could see just how affected he also was by you, how his own dick was stirring, having your body so close, having you so close. You must’ve sat there staring at each other for a few minutes, Namjoon’s gaze going back and forth between your lips and your eyes, there was so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted to do to you, with you. He leaned in slowly, your height difference making him bend down slightly, your eyes fluttered shut and he stopped just close enough that your noses were brushing together, you were so beautiful. Before you could ask him what was taking him so long he connected your lips in a delicious, passionate kiss, your tongues explored each other’s mouths and your hands held onto his shoulders.

Namjoon was the first to pull away, only to move his kisses down to your jaw and eventually your neck, causing you to let out little moans, they were the prettiest sound to Namjoon. He found himself reaching for the shorts you had worn under your gray dress, “may I take these off?” he asked, his eyes hooded and filled with want, all you could do was let out a pathetically high-pitched ‘yes’. He hooked his thumbs at the waistband, dragging your underwear down with it, he watched them pool at your feet and then knelt down, “is this okay?” you felt his breath against your center, making you squirm slightly.

“Yes.”

He dove right in, licking the length of your slit, groaning at how aroused you were and he had barely done anything to you. He moved on to your clit, wrapping his lips around the bundle of nerves and sucking gently, causing your moans to become slightly louder, “you gotta keep quiet for me baby,” he instructed you when he briefly pulled away to catch his breath, the sight of the lower half of his face glistening with your wetness making you almost want to orgasm right then. He started eating you out again, this time adding his fingers to the mix, and you had to cover your mouth to make sure your moans wouldn’t be heard all over the villa. You felt yourself closer and closer to your climax and Namjoon could too, your walls squeezed his fingers tightly almost as if wanting to keep them prisoner, and he wanted nothing more than to replace them with his cock, especially because it was so painfully hard. You wanted that too, you wanted nothing more than for this to go all the way, but you felt that in order for what you wanted to work, things had to be different.

“Namjoon, stop” he immediately moved away from you, gently removing his fingers. You took a moment to catch your breath, as he slowly pulled up your shorts and underwear and fixed your dress for you, “did I hurt you?” he asked, holding your hips, looking genuinely concerned at your sudden request. He had an almost boyish charm when this side of him was shown to you, so sweet, so gentleman-like, why would he not be like this always?

“No, I just,” you sighed, putting your hands on his chest, “I like you Namjoon, I would like for us to try and get to know each other, for us to get the chance to see if this could go anywhere, but I’m not sure if that’s what you want, and I need to know, because I don’t want to be pining for someone that just wants me for sex.”

Your confession surprised him, he hadn’t thought that all your conversations and your sexual tension would lead to anything more than maybe a friends with benefits kind of situation. However, considering how he's been reacting to the possibility of you and Jungkook together, maybe he did want to explore more.

“I'd love to get to know you more Ynie,” he flashed his dimpled smile at you, and you felt your heart fluttering. Jumping into his arms for a hug in which Namjoon made sure to hold you extra tight. Maybe this was the beginning of his healing.

(Day 27)

The rest of the stay at the villa was great for you two, Namjoon was so very thoughtful, he made you fresh coffee every morning, and you guys had a reading date every afternoon, where you shared the big love seat by the pool, laying back on his chest as he held whatever book you were reading in front of both of you.

People weren't too happy once Lana deducted the money for your offense after your date with Jungkook, and they were even more distraught when they found out what shenanigans you'd been up to on your second night there, you had lost them so much money the price money was down to forty-five thousand dollars. Jihee almost jumped you, thankfully Jungkook was there to hold her back. Speaking of, you ended up having another girl show up, a sweet blonde named Maddie who immediately caught Jungkook’s attention. It was great seeing your friend happy. You guys would have chats by the pool when you got a chance and update each other on the happenings of your relationships. 

Lana had also been a bit more liberal by giving you all bracelets, when they lit up you’d be allowed to kiss the other person, this would only happen if your emotional connection had been proven to strong and genuine.

Although you and Namjoon were still very much in the eyes of everyone, “getting to know each other,” that would all change three days before you left the villa. You honestly had no clue when he had the time, but when Lana announced you were going on a date with Namjoon, everyone seemed to be beaming at the idea. He told you to dress nice. So you opted for a two-piece white set, with a loose halter top, white loose shorts, and wedges. Turns out you were going on a boat ride.

“Oh my god Joon,” you beamed as he helped you sit down at the front of the boat, where an assortment of sushi was waiting for you. You sailed along, enjoying the sun on your skin, and the beautiful man that kept feeding you sushi, especially since even if he tried to show you how to use chopsticks you still couldn’t keep the sushi in your grasp for long. You talked some more about life, and you ended up opening up to one another.

“My last relationship was like, three years ago,” he started, “she basically only wanted me for my money, but I didn’t really notice, I just wanted to love and be loved, and I thought that I was being good, I spoiled her, gave her everything and she still cheated on me, so I swore off relationships and became a man-whore,” he chuckled bitterly. “My last relationship was four years ago, it was very toxic, he basically made me feel bad for not always wanting to be on his dick, or because I spent time with my friends and not him, he went around telling everyone our business but always left out how awful he was to me.” You had been staring at the horizon, the sun slowly setting bringing golden hour to you.

“Eventually when we broke up, he tried getting back together with me, and when I said no, he started shit-talking my friends and myself, and all I could do was watch as they got tired of dealing with me and my drama, so now I only had my sister to rely on,” you felt Namjoon’s hand on your cheek, he watched with sorrowful expression, “you were crying.”

“I swore off relationships after that too, I have never felt more alone than during that time, and I didn’t want to feel like that again.”

“I know at first I didn’t do the best job at not making you feel that way, but I hope I can help you feel less lonely,” Namjoon said, still caressing your cheeks, you felt your wrist vibrate, seeing the big green checkmark on your watch, Namjoon had the same. You were ready to lean in to kiss him, but he stopped you.

“Before we kiss,” he started, “getting to know you has been amazing, I find myself learning some much about myself and slowly coming back to who I was before all the bullshit. I want us to be real, I want to go back to the real world and make it work with you, would you be my girlfriend Ynie?” Your cheeks hurt from how wide you were smiling, you never really thought of yourself getting back into a relationship, you had sworn you were too damaged for something like that, but maybe this was the start to your healing. “I want to make it work in the real world too, I’d love to be your girlfriend,” his dimpled smile gave you butterflies, and as his other hand reached your cheek to fully cup your face, he closed the space between you with a kiss that had been different from the ones before, the others were hungry, desperate, and horny, this one was slow, passionate, and breath-taking. You felt your wrist vibrate again, making you pull away much to your dismay.

“I’m excited for the outside world together,” his gaze was sweet and soft, something you had never seen. He laid back, opening his arms up so you could cuddle.

“Me too,” you smiled, quickly moving your picnic stuff out of the way and scooting over, you laid your head on his chest, you heard his heart beating so fast and so loud, “your heart is about to beat out of your chest,” you giggled.

“I was so fucking nervous,” you looked up at him, “but I am happy I think, hopefully we’ll make it through.”

Fingers crossed.

[sparkssys]

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Hey there! First of all, if you're here to start drama, fuck off before i know you're here. You don't wanna figure out what I'll do to protect them.

We're a traumaendo system of either 9 or 10, not sure yet!!

Most of our system members are endogenic but we have at least 2 traumagenic headmates.

Quick reference guide:

-💜 : Layla, traumaholder and persecutor (she/they/it)

-✨ : Glee, tulpa (they/she)

-☄️ : Magno, tulpa formed by stress and a breakdown (he/him)

-🫧 : Jake, femboy (he/him)

-🦴 : Sans, introject (he/him)

-syl : Sylvine, the avid gamer (she/her, also lesbian, her side blog is @sylvineslair . She doesn't front much because she gives us a huge headache.)

-carol : Carol

-⭐ : Avery: traumagenic little who just got back from dormancy. Probably the core. We don't know for sure and we don't care enough to figure that out.

There's (i think?) 2 headmates who don't really front in the same way we do, one is a drowser and the other we know nothing about.

More info under the cut!

~+~Useful info~+~

We are very inconsistent with sign-offs. You can just ask who posted what.

We are inconsistent with pronouns and we use i/me/we/us interchangeably. We don't care enough about it to change how we write.

We are autistic and collectively transfem. Some of our headmates aren't comfortable with feminine terms, so when in doubt, just use they/them pronouns.

Please use tone tags.

We no longer have a host, the lines are way too blurred to appoint one and it's an unnecessary label anyways.

We are not endo neutral. We are pro-endo. If you don't like that, leave. I have no patience for anti-endo rethoric and some "neutral" people are so infuriatingly hypocritical. -Layla

DNIs don't work. Don't like me? Block me. I don't have the time to check if you're some asshole crosstagging on my tags, and it's your responsibility to curate your own space, anyways.

After some time in both sides of proship discourse, I have decided I'm okay with people doing whatever. Antis are just toxic haters most of the time that don't even intend to try to help, they just straight up dehumanize and demean people they don't agree with. Y'all suck.

Also, we're pro-radqueer. Wanna fight me for that? Come at me.

-=edit log under the cut=-~please skip

15/05/24 13:32 PM: added tags

17/05/24 12:01 PM: updated the label we use for the system's origin, because it's far more complicated than we thought

17/05/24 12:53 PM: linked to post about Layla's gender and sex

19/05/24 18:02 PM: linked to Layla's stance about anti endos

30/07/24 14:30 PM: Deleted old text and links and prepared it for an update.

30/07/24 14:53 PM: Updated headmate list and basic info about them, added useful info for people interacting.

30/07/24 15:17 PM: Finished updating the post by linking to an informative older post, adding blinkies and userboxes and more information.

30/07/24 15:25 PM: Just realized I'm a persecutor more than a protector. Edited the label. - Layla

08/08/2024 05:59 AM: Cleared up some text that I should've deleted earlier and got lost in the middle of the edit log. Also added further clarification on some older edits.

08/08/2024 06:01 AM: Moved the cut to right above the start of the edit logs to better organize the information flow.

29/08/2024 6:22 PM: Added info on our stances.

29/08/2024 9:27 PM: Updated various information about how we interact with tumblr.

30/08/2024 04:26 AM: Cleaned up some old quirks and outdated text.

02/09/2024 12:35 PM: Linked to a very important post about my situation

19/10/2024 7:53 PM: Edited a comment about our stances.

[vogelfreyh]

Finally came around to create a small character sheet for Ash! My OC Hogwarts Legacy/Wizarding World OC, Auror and Sirona’s wife.

I didn’t include much text on the sheet itself, but if you’re interested in her background, keep reading under the cut!

Born: 15th of August 1861 in Edinburgh, Scotland Nationality: British Gender: Female Blood Status: Pure Blood Height: 174 cm (5'8) Eye colour: Brown Hair colour: Ashen blonde Sexuality: Lesbian Occupation: Auror (1881)                       Lead Auror (1888) Family: Allan Crowley (Father)              Ophelia Crowley (Mother)              Philomena Crowley (Great grandmother)              Sirona Ryan (Wife ⚭ 1892)              Kelly (Adopted daughter, 1898)                  Saoirse (Adopted daughter, 1898)

Early Years & Family Relationships

Aislinn Crowley, called Ash, was born in Edinburgh as the daughter of the famous aurors Allan and Ophelia Crowley. Her family was extremely toxic and strict and had high expectations of her. Like most members of her family, she was supposed to serve in the Ministry of Magic and marry into a good family. As a result of this pressure, Ash often felt caged and inferior even as a child, and her relationship with her parents was hardly of an affectionate nature. Even Ash's bubbly personality, as well as her quick temper was viewed with suspicion by her family, and they never stopped preaching to her about the way she had to behave.

Due to their work, her parents rarely had time for her and employed a witch named Mimsy to take care of their daughter and raise her. Tragically, Mimsy passed away when Ash was just thirteen years old. Also in her teens, her parents had little more than rules and set future plans for her and made her feel that all that mattered to them was the family's reputation and that no one stepped out of line. Ash had a hard time tolerating family gatherings and from an early age was labeled the black sheep of the family, especially after she revealed to her parents that she was a lesbian.

After her successful entry into the ministry and taking up work as an Auror, Ash's reputation with her family improved a little. This only lasted until her parents arranged a marriage for her with a highly respected Ministry wizard, whom Ash rigorously refused. While her parents knew of her relationship with Sirona Ryan, they did not accept it. Ash, however, made them understand that Sirona was the only one to whom she would ever take the vows of marriage. That was the moment when she ultimately broke with her family and the relation between them finally crumbled. They never spoke a word to each other ever again.

  Personality

She is a kind and life-affirming character who comes off pretty self-confident and tough most of the time. She’s also very justice-loving and protective of her friends. If she overheard people talking bad about someone she liked, she sometimes would react very emotional and has been seen punching some of her classmates because of that.

Due to the toxic and judgmental nature of her family, she has learned to mask her fears and insecurities and only dares to drop her mask with a few people. She suffered from sudden anxiety attacks. This got better after she became friends with Sirona.

 Hogwarts Years

By the age of eleven, Ash received her Hogwarts letter and soon after came to start her first school year, where she was sorted into Gryffindor. Thanks to her kind and bubbly nature Ash quickly made friends, including the fellow Gryffindor Ruth, as well as Ravenclaw Sirona Ryan, with whom she literally collided during her first broom flying lesson.

Ash proved herself to be very skilled and talented in the subjects Defence Against the Dark Arts, Charms and Transfiguration but had difficulties with Herbology and Potions. Especially in the subject of potions she ran into more and more problems during the school years, mostly on account of the fact that most of the potion ingredients made her feel nauseous. On one occasion, it was so bad that she had to throw up right into the cauldron. Sirona was still laughing about it years later and affectionately teased Ash about it.

Ash was on very good terms with Dinah Hecat, her teacher for Defence Against the Dark Arts, who also gave her extra assignments and helped her prepare well for her future career while she was still in school. Even as an adult and after many years, Ash still maintained a friendship with her.

Since Ash needed at least an "Exceeds Expectations" in Potions for her N.E.W.T.s to qualify for Auror training, Sirona actively supported her and  the two practiced day and night. As a result, Ash managed to get the required grade in the subject. Potions actually was the only subject in which she did not have an "Outstanding".

  Ash & Sirona

Ash and Sirona first met when they literally crashed into eachother during their first broom flying lesson. After realizing that nothing bad had happened to them, they couldn't help but burst out laughing. This moment marked the beginning of their relationship.

The two quickly became inseparable and from that moment on hardly ever spent a minute without one another. Their understanding for each other worked even without words and they shared their deepest secrets and dreams. When they were together, they didn't have to put on a mask and could be themselves without being judged for it. They studied for exams together and played pranks, often to the annoyance of their classmates and teachers. Ash helped Sirona through a very difficult period in her life and supported her in pursuing her most ardent goal, even though it was anything but easy. Sirona was deeply grateful to have her at her side and always described Ash as her kindred spirit. They were also very protective of eachother and not seldom Ash got into fights when classmates talked bad about Sirona. Since the age of 14, her and Ash jokingly referred to each other as the 'other half' of one another. Over the years, their friendship had become so profound and intimate that many classmates described it as love, even before the two realized it themselves. But soon it was a thing they knew for a fact- they loved eachother and they had become the most important person in the other one’s life.

Ash usually spent her Christmas vacations with Sirona and her family, since her own family never celebrated any holidays. She was well liked by Sirona’s parents and always welcome in their home. As the years went on she rarely went back home to her family in Edinburgh, and rather stayed in Hogwarts for her holidays. She also spent the summer vacations together with Sirona in Hogsmeade, where the two of them waited tables at the Three Broomsticks and Sirona dreamed of one day owning such place by herself.

By the time their seventh school year drew to a close, Ash had completed all of her N.E.W.T.s with an "Outstanding" thus qualifying for a career as an Auror. She was excited, but she also knew that it would mean leaving Hogsmeade and Sirona, who was in the running to succeed her as the owner of the Three Broomsticks, for at least three years.

Their naïve dream of spending their future as a couple in a small cottage near Hogsmeade was slipping further and further away, but the stakes were high.

After a tearful parting and a promise to never lose sight of each other, Ash leaves for London to face her Auror training.

Over four years, apart from Sirona's few allowed brief visits to the ministry, they communicated only through owls. But sent eachother a letter at least every two days.

Ash learned that by a stroke of luck, Sirona had become the proprietress of the Three Broomsticks and was now managing the pub single-handedly. Ash, on the other hand, had passed her Auror training with distinction and had already made a name for herself during her first years by taking on an important mission. The two couldn't be happier for each other, but they missed each other terribly.

After a few years, the Ministry of Magic allowed Ash to leave London for the first time and she immediately set off for Hogsmeade. Sirona could hardly wait for her to arrive and as she finally stood in the doorway of the Three Broomsticks, they knew their love for each other was just as strong as the day they parted. If not, even stronger. Overjoyed they celebrate their reunion, making plans for the future. However, due to a dramatic incident, Ash is called back to the Ministry only a few days later. An association of dark wizards, who until recently worked underground, have taken the offensive and are now threatening not only the world of wizards and witches, but also the Muggle world. All Aurors were called back to London for immediate action.

Throughout this mission Ash is badly wounded in an ambush after tracking down the leader and barely survives. But thanks to her taking action, the rest of the Aurors manage to confront and kill their leader, Silas Vandalore.

When Sirona heard that Ash had been seriously injured, she immediately travels to London to be with her, fearing for her beloveds life. Back in the day, she often worried for Ash and was afraid to read her name among the obituaries in the Daily Prophet. To her great relief, however, Ash is strong enough and survives her injuries. However, the curse had left a mark on her and the doctors make her understand that she would hardly become as strong as she once was and that the remaining power of the curse would slowly drain her life energy. Later, she is given a special potion brewed by her old potions professor Aesop Sharp that would help slowing down the process of the curse and and allow her to live a relatively pain-free life, if she drank the potion on a regular base.

After withdrawing a little from the ministry and succeeding Dinah Hecat as professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts, Ash and Sirona finally settle down together in a small cottage on the outskirts of Hogsmeade like they always dreamed to. They get married in 1892 and continue to live a happy and fulfilled life together. In 1898 the two adopt two little girls, whose families had been killed by black wizards, Kelly and Saoirse, and raise them as their daughters.

  Auror Career

In 1878, Ash began her Auror training in London. In the beginning she had a hard time adjusting to the new situation and life, but within a few months she had fully adapted and three years later completed her training with distinction. Just a few weeks later, she embarked on her first mission, where she would meet the hit wizard Aiden Langley, with whom she would remain close friends for many years to come. Working together, they uncovered a circle of notorious black wizards, escorted them to Azkaban and made a reputation for themselves within the Ministry.

In 1888 Ash takes the position as a Lead Auror within her department.

During 1889, when several cases of brutal murders involving Muggles and wizards occur all over Britain, Ash takes up the case and comes across the trail of a massive organization that has made it its goal to exterminate Muggles and all non-pureblood wizards and witches. As they have members all across the country, Ash sets out to find and turn in the leader, who, to the dismay of the wizarding world, is a former Hogwarts professor also not unknown to herself. Silas Vandalore.

She confronts him in Edinburgh, where he imprisoned and tortured a Muggle family. However, she is ambushed and gets severely injured by Silas with a curse. Langley finds her in time and takes her to St. Mungo's, where she continues to fight for her life several months. Deeply worried, Sirona travels to London and does not leave Ash's side, fearing that she might eventually lose her. Fortunately, though, Ash is strong enough and survives. However, the curse has left a mark on her and the doctors make her understand that she would hardly become as strong as she once was and that the remaining power of the curse would slowly drain her life energy. Later, she is given a special potion brewed by her old potions professor Aesop Sharp that would help slowing down the process oft he curse and and allow her to live a relatively pain-free life. She retains her position as Auror, but increasingly works in the background. When Dinah Hecat retires, she takes over as Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts, where she taught students up until she hit her sixtieth birthday and passed on her position to her successor.

[themsource]

Hi! I'm new to fandom and I am going around asking different creators if they have any advice for me if that's okay

First off congrats, that's really awesome that you've discovered a passion for something enough to engage in the fandom space! ❤ I hope you have a wonderful experience in whatever fandom you're joining ^^ (If it's UT—YAY! XD lol)

Anywho, sure I can give some. But uh, it'll be derived from what I've experienced and won't be pretty. There's nothing guaranteeing you'll experience it at all as I have but still it has some stuff I wish I'd been told before getting heavily involved and learning stuff the hard way.

Placing it below a cut so people can easily avoid reading if they wish.

Be careful who you interact with. (People that frequently bad mouth others—make callout posts with no hard evidence.) And don't take someone's word on a person's character as truth.

You could become a victim of callout posts/drama no matter if you've spoken to the person or not. If it's someone you've been talking to a while or have only been kind to in interactions. Unfortunately people can be quick to jump on anything that has the slightest possibility of being taken negatively and spin it that way even if there's no ill intent or maliciousness behind it. Or they can paint you as negative just because.

You will face labels such as "Problematic" or "Toxic" to name a few, and once you get associated with those you'll see that a large portion of a fandom can and will blacklist you over it for their own mental safety, and/or to avoid potential drama you carry with you by probable association (such as "my idol creator hates you so I will too so they don't dislike me." or "I heard from someone that you think people that like this shipxship are stupid, and I like that ship so no bueno." Etc.)

Things I've said that people have called me "problematic" to my face for over the years:

"It's entitled and selfish for a following/fan base to get upset because the creator wants to explore a new genre the fanbase isn't comfortable with or used to, especially when they've labeled and warned so it can be avoided. Those aren't real fans or supporters."

"I ship Frans."

"The content you make doesn't matter when it comes to fiction. It's not real and neither are the characters. It's dumb if someone judges you over it."

"I don't believe hearsay without proof." (Twitter drama for example about someone)

"Denying where an idea comes from just so you can feel valid and good about yourself is wrong, especially if you're wrong in what you thought you knew and just don't want to admit it."

"I just wanted to be a Hufflepuff."

"I love pinapple on pizza."

"He said, she said, is a political debate. Because all it is is throwing words and accusations around without any evidence to back it."

"Chara is evil."

"Fluff is nice but sometimes you just need really dark unhinged stuff to balance it out otherwise it'll get bland."

"You can like content and not like the creator. And vice versa. I will always separate the art from the artist."

"I don't believe in the term 'problematic' when it comes to fiction."

"Toriel was just as much in the wrong as Asgore was."

There's probably more but these are the ones I was made aware of.

Other labels that have been pushed on me because of what was said above that fall under "problematic": P*do, Weirdo, Freak, R*p Apologist, Transp*be, and Exclusionist just to name a few.

Though none of those labels remotely align with my personal views and stances. It won't matter to a lot of people though if you've been "warned" for with those labels used. This world currently is very "Guilty until proven innocent" instead of "Innocent until proven guilty." Which means it'll be very hard or impossible to change someone's mind especially if they were "warned" by a friend.

You'll also find a lot of people will isolate and detach from you if you disagree on something such as how you view a certain creator or their work, so a lot of the time people will keep their mouth shut just to fit in or to not experience rejection, or will go so far as to say things they don't mean to appear as if agreeing. This is called an "echo chamber" and if you don't fit it, you'll likely get booted. Be prepared for people to maybe DM saying they agree with you, but ultimately not speaking up for fear of backlash for themselves. If someone does speak up? Cool! That's an awesome person and you are lucky to have found them.

So am I problematic given the examples above? To some maybe, others no, some definitely yes, and everyone has the risk of being viewed that way too. Thankfully just like most things in this world though, online you'll find not everyone will share the same viewpoint or opinion. You will undoubtably find at least one person that won't care how others label you.

I have a really small, really closed, friend group. There are six people I know for sure are lifelong friends that I've made through fandom. They took the time to get to know me, listened to my views even if they disagreed and did so amicably (as I've done too), and if there was an issue always talked to me about it. Six may not seem like much but you'll find a smaller number of people who truly understand you vs a crowd that you have to say the "right thing" or make the "right content" for is so much more fulfilling.

The golden rule is something I try to live by: "Treat others the way you want to be treated."

And the best way to determine that is through interaction. If they reciprocate the golden rule that is a positive indicator that they might be safe to interact and eventually open up to. It's best to decide for yourself what a person's character is like and if they're safe rather than having others decide for you by word of mouth, including the very person themselves because you'll find a lot of people in fandom tend to have terrible self confidence.

Unless there's hard proof like an admittance or gloat that someone can provide, then oh boy—the block button is a friend.

Personally, I've learned it's best to just post your stuff, give someone a like or reblog here and there, and answer any legit asks if they're received to try avoiding unnecessary conflict. But that's just me.

Don't get involved in "picking sides". (You're with us or against us nonsense)

This is a quick way to get you avoided and blacklisted because you'll either disturb someone's echo chamber or you'll be seen as a drama mama when people are here for content and fun, not the latest issue or gossip going on.

The world isn't black and white, and that includes the issues and viewpoints in it. It's shades of grey. By viewing it as black and white you leave no room for nuance, and people that use the "with us or against us" arguments so vocally expect 100% percent compliance or none. You're not allowed to agree on one thing pertaining to a topic but disagree on another thing on the same topic because then "you're adding to the problem".

Now this isn't to scare you into thinking that you can't trust someone you want to be friends with by opening up to them with your opinions. No, please do, that's how friendships are made, but if you feel like there is the slightest risk they'll drop you like a sack of potatoes then you probably shouldn't. It's 50/50 gamble sometimes. And if they do well they weren't your friend to begin with and you're better off without them. Bizarrely some in the "with us" camp believe having you around with a viewpoint they can't stand will somehow influence them in a way they don't want. Which is honestly just ridiculous to me because that eliminates the principle of free thought and will.

So I advise just enjoying the content you see and making it yourself if that's what you want to do. Don't turn yourself into an advertisement board for free harassment from those who actively want to pick a fight and make you look like a bad person somehow on top of it. Some get joy out of just destroying people.

Ignore the trolls

Every fandom has trolls. People who like to give shit and bully just for fun (for them) aka harassment. This can include "kys" messages or other negative things in your inbox from anons, comments on your post bashing a ship though it was clearly marked so it could be avoided, etc. These come in all ages and demographics, from minors and yes even from grown ass adults in their 40s and up. Sadly trolls can't be avoided no matter how popular you are or how wholesome the stuff you engage with is. You could be a mute virgin nun and still be attacked for something.

The only thing you can do is ignore them. If they get bad, really bad like do doxing (the exposure of your real identity), report them. They've been around since even before the invention of the internet and will be around even after.

Don't take being blocked or muted personally.

Some just block or mute to avoid content they don't like, and with how algorithms work on certain websites just you liking something without reblogging or sharing can make it show up on their feed, especially if you share mutuals or are gaining traction in a tag or whatever. This doesn't mean they dislike you personally.

And if you find someone does block or mute you over a comment you made recently or what have you, still don't get hung up over it. Chances are you probably wouldn't have a very productive conversation in the first place. Unless it's a case of misunderstanding since online text boxes can be too limited to get your meaning across, then I rec either reaching out a quick message via an alt to clear it if you truly care enough about the person.

But don't ever try to not be yourself just to please someone. If after talking they still want nothing to do with you based on differences in views, drop it. It'd just stress you out in the long run to linger over it.

And if you make an honest mistake, sometimes people will hold that against you, but it's best to just let that go too, because not everyone will hold that against you, and given time a few will get over it and even see where you were coming from after the anger dies down. Mistakes happen and they will happen. You can't hold that against yourself. Tagging can be confusing, the wrong word could be used when describing something, etc.

Just stay calm, take a deep breath, and compose yourself before you react. It's a mistake, not the end of the world. Let people block that need to block, don't take it personally because odds are they're hurt just like you are, apologize where you can, and just try to do better.

In the great words of The All-American Rejects, move along.

Don't do DNIs if you can help it (Do Not Interact lists)

I don't recommend having DNIs, I see it as a bar to what could otherwise be a good friendship so long as you simply tell them your boundaries.

DNIs can be taken as a red flag by some that if you see anyone that fits the labels you choose for your list that you automatically see them as a bad person, regardless of nuances or discussion, and that you'll likely target them for harassment if you come across them in a mutual's post or share a space for a community event. Obviously this is for the mundane labels, I've seen people list "Apple Lovers" (yes the fruit), and Vegetarians, to name a few.

I'm not saying that people who use DNIs will harass, just that I've seen it happen and have been targeted over it too as have others.

Seriously harassment can and will happen from anywhere, it's the internet, better prepared than not though.

But if you really feel you need one to feel safe. Please make sure you research the true meanings and definitions behind the labels you select. Otherwise people will stare out of confusion, or block you over more misunderstandings.

Have fun

Create and curate, for you.

Make the type of stuff you want to make or engage with without fear of judgement. Be shameless in what you enjoy because that's the only true way you'll enjoy being in a fandom. People will judge you anyways, no matter what, so don't get hung up on it.

Out of my friends there's some that absolutely loathe some of the content and ships I enjoy, so they don't follow my socials to avoid that content, but they still encourage me to be happy and to keep "doing me" with what I write or draw, because they know my character isn't reflected in my consumption. And the right people will see that with you, and encourage you if you're honest and happy with yourself even if they may disagree with it or not.

This is the most important bit of advice I want to give. Given the other stuff I know it may seem overwhelming but trust me it really is worth it in the end once you find a rhythm, and pretty soon after enough time you'll find yourself roiling your eyes over the other stuff when you've reached a place of comfort and contentment. Because once you have that none of the other stuff matters. Ultimately that's what every decent person strives for in a fandom. It may be easy or it may be difficult to reach but it's possible.

No one can hurt you when you're having fun and you're happy with yourself. Words will roll off like water on plastic after a point and trolls/bullies will largely disappear if they realize their name calling and words can't hurt you or sow doubt.

You also won't feel as lonely if you don't receive interaction on something once in a while because you'll still feel the joy from having made it. That's another thing, don't join a fandom just for attention and validation from others. That's the number one way to find disappointment and to end up dropping from a fandom in the end other than simply losing your hyper fixation after a while.

With that I wish you luck! Sorry if this was long winded ^^ and please don't take this as a be all end all guide, this is all just personal opinion and interpretation meant to help. (I also am terrible at discussing my thoughts cohesively and accurately so I apologize if anything is confusing.)

I hope you live your best fandom life, I'm rooting for you. ❤

[hologramcowboy]

https://www.tumblr.com/hologramcowboy/704906462083858432/hi-idk-if-this-is-weird-but-i-saw-you-mentioned?source=share

//Post pictures of your ideal body in places you can easily see them. This includes your phone or laptop/pc wallpaper.

Move the treats and sweets some place where they are complicated to reach.//

I just need to comment, and I am trying to be respectful here, but these two pieces are really kind of... bad advice. I would NEVER recommend people post pictures of their "ideal bodies". That is very toxic and can have negative and devastating effects. Most people have unrealistic expectations and not being able to ever reach their "ideal body" can lead to anxiety, depression, among other issues and most damaging - eating disorders. If you are constantly confronted by this "ideal body" on your phone, around your house, etc. that you can never reach? That can have long lasting effects on mental health. Everybody can't have every body. It's just not realistic. And I speak from not just personal experience, but from having friends, family, acquaintances that have gone through the same or very similar things (plus a psych degree but this was not my area of specialty so I don't pretend like I am an authority). While anon who sent the ask seems to have realistic expectations and isn't looking to lose weight specifically, they are not the only one reading your response. At a young age when I was in the best shape I will probably ever be in in my life I started this. I cut out pics of the "ideal body" I wanted, I saved them in a notebook for reference. I started dieting and exercising to try and reach that goal. I never could (I was a size 3 and very active and still never could). Then my eating disorders started shortly after. This was all in high school. 20+ years later I have done so much damage to my body I will probably never know the extent of it. It is a very quick and slippery slope from "this is what I want to look like" to depression and disordered eating. I know my case is not universal, but it is also far more common than people want to admit. My best friend growing up, and at that time when this was all starting, actually was going through the same thing at the same time and I didn't know. I found out a few years later that we both had been struggling through the same thing but that's a longer story for another time. The point is, you should work out for your own mental and physical health, not to get an "ideal body" because you will never reach that goal and you will never be happy with it. If you work out for health benefits then the aesthetic changes are just an added bonus. It's also more sustainable when you aren't trying to work out simply to look a certain way. When you are doing it all for looks then you tend to get much more easily discouraged and many even give up (or go to extremes mentioned above). This was a hard learned lesson.

And about the food comment - first of all, no food is inherently "good" or "bad", we assign them those designations and stigmatize food which is also very detrimental. Yes some foods are more nutrient dense and healthier/better for you but eating a fast food burger is better than eating nothing. In fact, there are studies that show that the way we perceive our food effects the way our bodies respond to those foods (specifically ghrelin aka the hunger hormone - just look up the "mind over milkshakes" experiment, here is a very simplified overview of it here but you can find longer more detailed reviews with more thorough explanations of the results). So labeling foods as "bad" can actually be more detrimental. And removing certain foods you love or enjoy actually tends to have the opposite effect. You then become out of control with those foods. For example, if you like ice cream but never let yourself eat it or keep it in the house because its "bad" then when you do finally have some you feel completely out of control with it and often overeat. Which can start a negative cycle of negativity towards yourself for "lack of self-control" when in reality, its the overabundance of control around food that causes that behavior. When I finally quit dieting I had this problem with so many foods that I never allowed myself. And in order to reverse this you just have to let yourself eat all the foods until they are no longer an issue. Now I always have ice cream in the house and I know I can eat it whenever I want. But you know what? I rarely do. So yes, "hiding bad foods" may seem like a good idea in the short term, it can actually make the way you handle and interact with those foods much worse in the future.

For anyone who wants more info on any of this there is a great and really entertaining book about it - it includes the milkshake study, The Minnesota Starvation Experiment, personal info, medical info, why you feel "addicted" to certain foods, etc. and it's honestly a funny read - its called "The F*ck It Diet" [website]

And this was not an accusation towards you, I find that many people don't realize or understand the impact that suggestions like these make. And as someone who struggled for 20+ years and only finally made it through about 1-2 years ago (I still struggle daily) I have a hard time biting my tongue when I read things like this. I WISH someone had said all these things to me back when it started. I wish I never tried to emulate a certain body type. I wish I realized that working out and eating for health and happiness will always be better than working out to obtain a certain body. Educating myself on nutrition, diet culture, exercise techniques, etc. has been so helpful and I wish I had all this info when young me thought if I just skipped the ice cream, if I just worked out for another hour, if I JUST ___ then I would be happy. My best advice if you want to start working out - explore your options, see what types of workouts you like and what you hate. The best workout you can do is the one you enjoy because its the one you are actually going to do. And I agree, start small. Don't overdo it out of the gate. Start trying new things and see what works for you and your body. For example I can't run because I have a bad knee but I love to take long walks. I also enjoy strength training but yoga is really not my jam. Finding what you like is honestly the best first step.

Sorry for the rant (and I hope it didn't feel like a lecture), its just something that I am very invested in and passionate about and don't want to see people go down the road I went.

@ anon thank you for pointing that out but I feel I must inform you that I never used the word bad in association to food within my post. Plus the advice I gave was also advice I got from my ex trainer. Putting away treats helps avoid overeating, notice I never mentioned you shouldn't indulge or ever labeled any food as bad. I've added a clarification to that suggestion since it seems you assumed something intensely toxic based on a simple suggestion of making treats harder to reach.

The idea behind that is making them difficult to reach will have you think twice on whether you truly need to have that treat or not. If you leave sweets readily available they can become an environmental cue and you're more likely to over eat.

Over eating sweets and less than ideal foods can cause health issues over time, needless to say so I disagree with you, I think the way you set up the kitchen is highly important as you can either create a harmonious, healthy environment or you can so create an environment where over eating and consuming unhealthy foods comes much easier. Again food affects your body directly so I think placing things carefully is important. This doesn't mean denying yourself things, it means focusing on being balanced.

If, for example, you consume a lot of Coca Cola and similar drinks don't expect to lose weight or have an improvement in health. You can absolutely enjoy it but in a balanced way to avoid damaging your health and packing on a lot of weight very fast.

Not to mention sugar in general is extremely damaging to health, there's a reason professionals recommend consuming it very little.

As for the priming part, I've also amended that though I never said people should compare their bodies or anything like that, that's toxic. I said use images to prompt your mind to remember to exercise but I suppose I did fail to add details so I've added a little explanation with that. Priming pertains to NLP and is far from toxic. But you're right, if someone approaches weight loss in a highly toxic way they can absolutely use images to their detriment just as they can use any specific weight loss aspect to their detriment and create a self sabotage circle. This is why it's important to approach weight loss only after fully accepting and loving your body as it is. Dieting doesn't work because the focus isn't on increasing well being, it's on making your current body wrong and fighting that. Whereas the anon had a very healthy approach, they appreciate their body as it is and only want to get fitter, they are looking to enhance their wellbeing.

Also, there's absolutely nothing wrong with setting goals as long as they are realistic and as long as the focus is on wellbeing.

Seems like you had a lot of hardship regarding weight loss so I appreciate you sharing your perspective as I am sure a lot of people can relate.

As for eating disorders, it's important to investigate the mother-daughter link first and foremost as those issues stem from trauma within that bond.

Sorry if I made no sense but I couldn't sleep last night and I am fairly tired this morning. 😴

[flying-nightwing]

Scorpion (1/2)

I am still working on Op. Solarstorm, but I had this playing in my mind for far too long to keep ignoring. Also, not me back at it again with my favourite tropes and villain!reader? lmao. Anyway, enjoy!

Masterlist in bio/pinned

Pairing:

Dick Grayson x f!reader (villain)

Word count: 5217

Warnings: Language, violence, steamy stuff hehe ;) but no nsfw, kind of angst? also reader being so fucking dramatic Summary: You are the resident bad guy of Blüdhaven, former supervillain, nemesis of Nightwing and master toxinologist in your own right. One night, however, you receive an unexpected visit that convince you to return to your former alias, Scorpion. (Based off a prompt I can’t find in my likes anymore but I’ll link it as soon as I find it)

The storm raged outside.

The rain pelted down your windows, blurring the view of Blüdhaven’s skyline almost entirely. Only the occasional thunder bolts lit up the horizon, just enough to see for a fraction of second the dark clouds glaring down the city. The wind howled as it navigated around the skyscrapers, washing away the droplets of rain as soon as they crashed down.

You stood in front of the curtain wall of your condo, sipping a glass of wine and watching it all unwind like a movie. You found the storm relaxing, as if the loud growl of it drained all the negative energy stored within you and released it as a powerful blast out into the world. You smiled at the thought; if only you could possess that much power to smithe your enemies, your job would be about a hundred times easier. 

You were about to leave your window for a refill when you heard the faintest thud at your door. You frowned, waiting a moment, before shrugging and resuming your course for the kitchen. However, before you could get there, another sound reached your ears, this time, unmistakably two quiet knocks. You placed your glass on a hallway table beside a flower vase and went to the door, peeking through the glass eye. When you saw nothing, you backed up and reached for the switchblade tucked under the waistband of your pants, then placed a careful hand on the knob. You twisted and pulled the door open, and your muscles tensed at the sight in front of you.

Your fight or flight instinct kicked in for a second as your eyes registered the black and blue before anything else, but you held back that reaction when you noticed something was wrong. While there was no doubt the man on the other side was Nightwing, the vigilante that always managed to spoil your plans or stop your schemes, he looked nothing like the cocky vigilante who would have already delivered a clever one liner as soon as he got a glimpse of your face. 

No, that man was hunched on the wall, his footing staggering and his suit ripped on the arms and the torso. He was drenched and visibly weak, and his mask was broken over his left eye. Even if you could see only half of it, you noticed the blown pupil that expanded over most of his iris. Like his reaction time had been put in slow motion, he finally lifted his head, his gaze swaying from left to right. He had been clearly drugged.

“I’m sorry” His voice was shaky and breathless. “I’m sorry… I had nowhere else to go”

You noticed only then he was clutching his stomach, even if he wasn’t bleeding specifically there. You snapped out of your stupor, putting your arm around his torso and holding him up as he crashed forward. You managed to pull him in your condo with you and shut the door behind you with your foot. He was heavy, especially since he probably didn’t have the control of his muscles at all to help you with the weight, but you managed to get him to your couch. You laid him down, being careful not to let his head bounce on the way down. You put the back of your hand on his forehead, and he was burning. Even through the rain on his skin, you could see the coat of sweat on his face and down his neck. Switchblade in hand, you cut through what remained of his suit and slipped it off him before he caught his death from wearing cold, soaking wet clothes on top of whatever else was happening. He started writhing on the couch, moaning in pain and still clutching his stomach. You saw that it was swollen and tender under all the shallow fresh cuts littering his body, and immediately you understood that he hadn’t been drugged, he had been poisoned.

You moved up his body again and kneeled beside his head, gently removing his domino mask. He was so out of it he didn’t even notice your cold fingers on his face, nor your saddened sigh. It had been a while since you had seen him without his mask, and yet, he was still as shockingly beautiful as he was years ago. You didn’t waste time appreciating his beauty however, as you were most probably on the clock. You stood up and left him there for a second as you grabbed your emergency kit labelled poison/venom and brought it back to him, kneeling once again. You grabbed the flashlight first, leaning above his face and pulling the eyelids of his right eye open. You flashed the light in it, but the pupil remained blown, completely ignoring the sudden brightness. His left eye was the same. 

Quickly, you put the flashlight away and grabbed a plastic syringe, capping it with a needle. You made sure the air was out before finding the vein in his arm and plunging the needle in it. You filled it with blood and put it aside while you fished the toxicity test, then put a small amount of blood in the vial and twirled it to mix it with the powder. You waited a minute and checked the scale, which told you if left untreated, whatever was flowing through his veins would be very lethal. You swore under your breath as you pushed to your feet again, heading for your bedroom and your walk in wardrobe. At the back of it, you punched a code in a pad and the wall pulled slightly toward you. With a tug, you pulled it all the way out and grabbed the first o negative blood bag as well as tubes and a stand to hook it on. You returned to him and prepared his transfusion in a record time, setting the bag and the tubes then putting once again a needle in his arm. At this point, he had stopped moving, but his chest still rose and fell in jagged motions. 

You remained there a couple of seconds more to be sure he was really passed out, then you grabbed the syringe filled with blood and moved everything else out of the way. You put the syringe on the counter while you dragged your working station from another room--only now glad that you made the choice to have it on wheels--and put it so you could have a good view of Dick even when working. You took the time to put gloves, then brought the syringe with you and sat behind your microscope.

You put a drop of blood on the slide and got to work.

---

You waited in the dark warehouse, your ears strained for any other sound than the water leaking from the roof. Your double edged spear was prominent on your back, glistening under the faint light coming from the bright spot outside. You hadn’t taken it out in a while, but its blades were still sharp and deadly. You hoped the sheer sight of it would be enough to remind your rendez-vous who was in charge here, but you wouldn’t mind using your weapon once again. 

You stared deeper into the building as quiet footsteps grew closer, and seconds later, your contact emerged from the darkness. You let them come to you as you remained attentive to your surroundings. Just because they were an old colleague of yours, it didn’t mean you trusted them. If anything, it made them even more dangerous in your eyes. 

“Scorpion” They greeted with a smirk, using your old nickname. You couldn’t help but let a chuckle at the memory of the good old days, when you definitely wouldn’t have gone to such lengths for Nightwing out of all people. “What owes me the pleasure of getting your call tonight?”

“I need some intel” You went straight to the point, fishing a small vial from your black trenchcoat, holding it up to eye level. “This is a very rare sample of Diamondback rattlesnake venom I extracted from the blood of an unfortunate victim. Any idea how it got into Blüdhaven without me knowing?”

They raised an eyebrow after giving the vial a quick glance. “Are you accusing me of smuggling it into the city?”

“Not yet” You carefully replied. “But I believe you might know who did”

“Listen” They sighed as you put back the sample in your coat. “You’ve been out of the game for a while now. Things have changed down here, and it’s not my place to question the chain of power”

“Have they?” You challenged, sweeping the room once again and noticing they hadn’t brought back up. Decidedly, someone somewhere got ahead of themselves and forgot their place. 

“Uh?”

“Have things really changed?” You slowly raised an eyebrow. You felt dread creep in their eyes. “I want a name”

“None can do” They backed up slowly, palms up. “You hold no power here anymore, so you should just go back to your tower and keep your nose in your mob business before we both get killed”

“I guess we’ll see, won’t we?” You mumbled, looking them up and down. Then, you reached behind your back to get your spear. You striked rapidly as they jumped back, the blade slicing the skin of their biceps. You spun it in your hand and put it back on your back.

“What the f--” They swore, glaring at you. “You’re truly out of it, Scorpion. Can’t even hit your fucking target now. That’s why nobody’s scared of you anymore”

“If you think I missed, then you’ve learned nothing” You simply smiled as you backed away. “You’ll remember who’s in charge soon enough. Have a good life, what’s left of it anyway”

You turned around and walked away, thinking about how the powerful venom coating the blades of your staff was strong enough to cause seizures in about fifteen minutes, and death in fifteen more.

---

You returned to your condo as the sun began to be visible over the horizon, the soft light basking the whole living room in a yellow hue. You quietly went back to your room, changing from your drenched trench coat and black suit to a cream colored blouse and burgundy slacks. You carefully put back your spear in its locked case, keeping its blades far away from any exposed skin.

You returned to the living room, pausing beside Dick who was still passed out. His breathing was slower, more even now, so the antidote you had prepared before leaving had worked. The fever seemed to have died down, and you guessed his stomach wasn't swollen anymore. You didn’t want to pull off the two heavy blankets over him to check and let his bare skin come into contact with the cold of the room. You checked the solute solution that replaced the blood bag on the stand, knowing you wouldn’t need a refill once it was empty. Knowing the man, he’d wake up anytime soon. 

You cleaned up the room and brought back your working station to your office, then sat at your computer to catch up on some work your now ex-accountant messed up. After a couple of hours, you took a nap that turned into something closer to a night full of sleep, and only woke up in the late afternoon. You were surprised Dick was still out when you checked on him, it wasn’t his type to fall into the average of anything, especially not recovery time. 

You had to wait well after sundown for him to stir awake with a groan, then slightly panic as he took in his surroundings. He tried to sit up, but fell back onto his elbows.

“Take it easy” You said, bringing his attention to you for a second before he averted his gaze. “You had quite the dose of venom in your blood. You’re lucky you even made it to my door”

Even with his gaze casted down, you could see he was confused by the soft tone you spoke to him with. It was a far cry from the threats and insults you usually shared when he decided to come and interfere with your business. Yet, you didn’t like the idea of someone else out there trying to kill him, despite the fact that you had done so many times in the past. You and Nightwing had been long standing rivals, fighting for the same turf when you were Scorpion and now that you had your own mob to manage. He knew where you stood, and you him, creating a dynamic where unspoken rules were religiously being respected by both parties. And well, you hated when rules were broken, especially by people with no respect for them, especially when they targeted your nemesis.

You stood up and walked to him, sitting on the coffee table beside him. You brushed your hand down his cheek to his chin, gently pushing up so he could meet your eyes. They were still a bit glassy and unfocused from the venom, but the pupils had regained their normal size. The white around his dark blue irises was bloodshot, and the dark bags under his lids were prominent. In the years you had known him, you had never seen him so battered, so down, so not… him. Even if you were by all purposes and intents enemies, it still sparked a rage within you. You could feel the anger rise in your throat at the defeated face staring back at you, but you willed it back inside. For now.

Your voice was barely a whisper, but it still conjured a divine wrath with every word. “Who did this to you?”

“Doesn’t matter” He mumbled, but he didn’t have the strength to conceal his lie. He tried to get up, but his muscles failed him. 

“But it does” You shook your head, not letting him look away. “Someone injected you with venom and tortured you. It cannot go unanswered, not under my watch”

Something switched in his eyes, before it was buried under resolve in front of your insisting. “Sionis”

Suddenly you saw red. You knew he had been in town for a few weeks already, but you mostly ignored him, thinking he’d go away on his own after concluding whatever deal he was there for. You had no doubt he had been the one to take over Blüdhaven’s underworld right under your nose and turn everyone against you. Unbeknownst to them, you were still the most dangerous person in this city and it was well past time to remind them of it. 

“Stay here, you need to rest” You ordered, gently pushing him back on the couch. “When you’ll feel strong enough to stand up, there’s food in the fridge”

“Wait, where are you going?” Confusion etched on his features.

“I’m going to have a little chat with Sionis”

“(Y/N), no” His voice was strained as he pushed himself off the couch and tried to stand up again. The use of your name made you halt your step to face him as he struggled to stay on his feet. “You don’t… You can’t…”

You retook the steps towards him, stopping right in front of him. “You came to me last night for help, so let me help”

“I know but…” He trailed off, sighing. “I can’t let you fight my battles, it’s not right”

“I’m not, I’m doing what I should have done weeks ago. I have let the infection fester in the wound for far too long, and now it’s time to clean it” You placed a hand on his cheek, and he didn’t fight it. “It’s our city, and if Sionis thinks he can take it, he’s gravely mistaken” 

“It doesn’t mean I want it to be taken back your way” His eyes flashed pain as he shook his head slightly. Yet, he still didn’t back off, but you retracted your hand like it touched fire. “Scorpion left a trail of bodies wherever she went. I may still not approve of your current career, but nothing will let me morally support your descent to that rabbit hole again”

Your features hardened at his words. “Those are bold claims for a man who cannot take two steps without crumbling” You spoke calmly, but the harsh undertone in your voice was a dead giveaway of your bitterness. “I don’t want to see you hurt, I think we’ve established that a long time ago. But I feel like it’s a good time to remind you that what was given can be taken away”

“You’re threatening me now?”

You gave him a cold smile as you backed away. “Oh honey, you’ll know when I’m threatening you”

“So we’re back to this uh?” His sneer transcended his weakened physical state.

“You should rest” You deflected, not ready to answer that just yet, not to him, anyway. You hated to see disappointment on such handsome features, even if it was pretty much the only thing you ever saw anymore. “This isn’t a hangover you can shake off with a tylenol and a smoothie. You need to let the antidote work” 

He only held your stare, the disappointment you dreaded steadily growing in his blue eyes. His lack of words were as effective as his worst scolding. Without breaking eye contact, you fished your phone from your pocket and dialed the first contact in your list.

“Borovski, arrange a last minute meeting with Mr. Sionis” You spoke in a flat tone. “Yes, let him know that Scorpion requires an audience”

------

You found the place of the meeting peculiar. 

The underground casino was crassy, a cloud of cigarette smoke hanging low in the air. No players were sitting at the tables, no bartenders were on duty, only a handful of armed guards giving you a not so warm welcome into the establishment and one man in a purple sequin suit.

“Ah, Scorpion!” Sionis called as he stood up. Then, he paused as he took you in. “I must say, you are not what I expected”

You raised an eyebrow at the grimace he made, but he kept looking you up and down as if there was something he didn’t quite catch. Finally, his eyes stopped on your spear on your back, and his face lit up with understanding. He laughed, but it seemed way too forced.

“Oh, I get it now!” He wiped nonexistent tears from his eyes as he pointed back and forth between you and the spear. “It’s because the spear’s like a scorpion tail. Very clever!”

“I’m glad to see there are no explanations required then” You scoffed sarcastically as you took one step forward. Immediately, his guards closed in on you.

“Aht aht,” He held a finger up, waving it obnoxiously. “I might find it clever, but there is no scenario possible in which you come close to me with that thing. Hand it over”

“Afraid of a little blade, Sionis?” You taunted, nevertheless taking your spear off your back and handing it to one of his goons. 

“Nice try, but we both know it’s not just the blade” He made yet another grimace as you got cleared to come closer. “Men, be careful not to touch the shiny part of it, kay? I’d hate to stain the floors with your dead bodies”

You smirked as you sat down in the chair he gestured to, resting your arms on the empty poker table. He sat down sideways in front of you and crossed his legs, bouncing his feet to an imaginary beat. “So... Miss Scorpion,” He began, a hint of humour in his voice like the situation was amusing. “I gotta say, I admire your previous work. But how long has it been since then? Five, six years? Where have you been?”

“Seven” You corrected. “I inherited a criminal empire from my father, changed vocations. Rather than sting people, I synthesize antidotes to the most potent venoms and sell them for quite a fortune per dose”

“Uh, I heard you were in the drug market” He frowned. “Perhaps my intel was… Mistaken”

“That too” The corner of your lips went up. “Well dosed, venom makes for a fantastic psychedelic. But worry not about your circle, those are no street drugs. Not a lot of people can afford it, in fact”

He nodded slowly. “So you want what exactly, to sell to me?” 

“No” You shook your head, your smile turning just a bit more sinister as you grabbed the rattlesnake venom vial and rolled it to him. Slowly, he picked up and observed it, recognition flashing in his features. You leaned forward, setting your stare on him. “I’m here for other concerns. Like you bringing venom in my city without my authorization”

He sat back in his chair, amused and unimpressed. He twirled the vial in his gloved hands, lazily studying it. “It’s not your city anymore” He shrugged. “It was right there for the taking, and honestly it is so much more fun than Gotham, without a gloomy bat lurking in the dark”

You didn’t react immediately. You simply observed him, then subtly calculated the distance of each goon from him. In theory, their reaction times would be slow enough for you to get to Sionis. But you held back, knowing he’d expect it now. 

“That’s what your smuggler said, too” You hummed, watching closely as his eyes met yours. He mustn’t be happy about that, because his expression became a notch darker. “Before I killed them, that is. But I guess I did you a favor in doing so. They would have sold you out to the next opportunist. Nobody likes a traitor, right?”

He regained his composure, but the bitterness in his eyes didn’t leave. “When I heard you wanted to meet, I thought it’d be to apologize to me for your misstep” He took a deep breath. “I was ready to let you go with some compensation for my loss in the form of doing my dirty work, I really was. But now I see you still want to be insolent--”

“Alright, I’ll say this once and only once” You interrupted him, and he instantly grew offended. “Get out of my city. Leave and never come back, or Nightwing won’t be the one you’ll be facing”

“So, this is what got your panties in a twist” He laughed, then seriousness fell back down on his features in a snap. “Kill her”

Before they could move, you pushed out of your chair and grabbed your switchblade in your belt. Your footwork was swift as you spun around Sionis, avoiding the range of the gun he was pulling out, and stopped behind him. A second later, his head was slammed down on the table and your blade was pressed to his throat. You looked up at the goons who had halted their movements, suspense of what you’d do next hanging in the air. 

“Drop your weapons” You ordered, nodding at the gun aimed at you. “C’mon, off with it. Kick them away too”

“Drop your weapons” Sionis repeated through his teeth, not daring to move a muscle. God knew what was on your blade, and if you drew blood, it’ll most likely be over for him. “Fuck!”

Slowly, they lowered their weapon to the ground and kicked them toward you. “Good” You huffed out before leaning closer to Sionis. “Now maybe you won’t underestimate me anymore. This is only a taste of what will come to you if you keep provoking me. I’ll destroy you like a poison running its course through a healthy vein, and you’ll regret setting eyes on my city. Understood?”

“You fucking bitch” He panted, a twisted smile on his lips. “You’re fucking dumb if you think you can get out of here alive. You’re out of your league, little girl”

“Really? I was under the impression that your life mattered more than mine” You said as you pressed your blade further, exposing the metal to his blood long enough to know the venom got in. You retracted your blade, but kept the hand on his head. “If I don’t make it out of here, neither will you. You’ll be dead in thirty minutes, like your smuggler. It’s gonna be painful and ugly, trust me. But if I walk out of here, in five minutes you’ll have a delivery boy knocking at your door and handing you the antidote. So what’s it gonna be, Sionis?”

He took a moment, exhaling loudly as his breathing quickened. “Go” He muttered harshly, glaring up sideways at you with a thousand daggers. “Fucking shit hell, go!”

You grinned, making the motion of leaving, but you weren’t done just yet. “One more thing” You slammed his head on the table once again before letting him go. “Nightwing is off limits. You’d do well to remember it”

You backed off of him, letting him stand up again and adjust his suit with an undignified huff. His eyes shot thunder at your back as you retreated, smugly taking your spear out of a goon’s hand and exiting the casino. 

You weren’t such a fool not to expect retaliation, but at least you could say he had been warned through an over of what would be waiting for him. 

-----

You weren’t expecting a welcome party back home, but Dick was there, on his feet, leaning on the couch as he glared at the front door. 

“I thought you’d be back to sleep by now” You mused as you got in your apartment. You dropped your keys on the counter and made a show of putting down your spear. His eyes burned into yours as he watched your every move like a hawk. You raised an eyebrow as you took off your coat, then unclipped your utility belt and dropped it beside your keys. “Why now, are you finally out of clever one liners?” 

He scoffed, then crossed his arms against his chest and looked away.

You rolled your eyes. “I don’t know why you’re mad I went after Sionis” You kept speaking, as he clearly gave you the silent treatment. “Who, by the way, tried to kill you with rattlesnake venom, in case you have already forgotten”

“I’m not mad” He finally mumbled. “I’m mourning the days where I didn’t have to worry about you going on a killing spree anymore”

“Is that all you think of me?” Your tone turned dry as you took one step toward him. “A loose cannon that needs to be held on a leash?”

“I don’t know” He shrugged sarcastically. “From what I remember from your so called glory days, bodies pile up pretty quickly when you’re in a mood”

You closed your eyes as your eyebrows rose in disbelief. “I’ve always liked you, Dick” You began after taking a deep breath. “As yourself and as Nightwing. We’ve always had a lot of common enemies, and I was fine with sharing this city with you”

You paused, slowly closing the distance between you and him. His muscles were tense, and his posture was defensive.

“If you think this was bad, oh you’re in for a treat, honey” You were face to face now. “I held back out of respect for you. Sionis is alive, out of respect for you. I healed you out of respect for you. Now that I know none of that respect is reciprocated, what stops me from fully being the bad guy?”

He stood up fully, towering over you. You had to look upwards to hold his glare.

“Me”

You smirked. “You’re so full of yourself”

“You don’t believe I can?”

“Well, you couldn’t when I was holding back”

“What makes you think I wasn’t holding back too?” He raised a challenging eyebrow.

“You had no reason to leave me out on the streets to pile up bodies, as you put it so eloquently” You taunted. “Unless…”

You inched closer, your faces only inches apart now.

“Unless you liked the chase as much as I did”

“In your dreams” He sneered.

“Oh, every night without a fail” 

Before you could blink, he sneaked his hand behind your head and crashed his lips to yours. You were surprised, but you didn’t waste time leaning into it. For a man still weak from his previous poisoning, he recovered his spunk pretty quickly. His fingers dug into your side as you moved against each other, and if you didn’t know better, you’d believe he was trying to leave bruises on your skin. You returned the favor, brushing your hands against his bare chest, but his reaction wasn’t the one you had anticipated. He hissed, probably still sensitive around the stomach from the effect of the venom, and you took the opportunity to catch his lower lip between your teeth, giving it a soft bite. 

“Fuck” He grunted, his eyes fluttering close.

“Are you sure you’re strong enough for this?” You hummed, tracing the dark bags under his eyes with your thumb. He opened his eyes once again, an incredulous and slightly offended glint in them that told you he was tired of you asking any variant of this question. “Alright, no need for hostility”

You returned your lip to his as he steadily backed you through your condo, navigating with assurance toward your bedroom. Your back pushed the door open with a thud, and soon after, you felt the mattress pressing behind your knees. You sat back, peeling off your shirt from your body and scooting further back on the bed. Dick climbed after you, pushing you on your back and wasting no time to crawl all over you again. You heard noise in the background, but you were too busy focusing on how blissful his mouth down your neck to your chest and back up made you feel. You barely noticed when your hands were brought up above your head, or when cold metal was secured around your wrists with a click. 

Then, his body weight above yours was abruptly taken off. You reopened your eyes, mind still a bit fuzzy as you stared in confusion at Dick standing at the foot of the bed. Your frown deepened when you gave a good tug on your wrist, but couldn’t bring them down. You narrowed your eyes, then read his smug expression and understood what he did. You were tempted to be mad, but you couldn’t help but give him a full blown grin”

“Well, well, well” You drawled out, relaxing back. These were your handcuffs, you knew there was no getting out of them so easily. “I gotta say, I’m impressed. Using my attraction to you to get me temporarily out of commission is cold. I didn’t know you had it in you”

“Well, you had it coming” He crossed his arms against his chest, but in a more relaxed manner this time. 

“Playing dirty now, are we?” You chuckled as you shamelessly checked him out. “Very well then. Next time we meet I’ll have adapted my game. I hope you’re ready”

You might have imagined it, but a small smile played on his lips just before he turned around and left you there, handcuffed to your bed frame.

[slipping-through-my-fingertips]

Klaine it up! 2, 7, 12, 21, 50

Okay...I got this. PROMPTS FOUND HERE

2 - you accidentally sprayed them with yogurt when you open the lid the wrong way. 

This was not Kurt Hummel’s first time opening yogurt but it might’ve well have been. He was sitting at a picnic table in Central Park on his lunch break from Vogue.com having just picked up a BLT, sweeten iced tea, and strawberry yogurt from his newfound favorite sandwich shop. It just happened to be two blocks down from the Vogue offices too. 

After eating half a sandwich, he found himself watching three young girls practicing their hula-hooping skills. Of course, while entranced by the colorful swirls of plastic, Kurt grabbed his low-fat yogurt and pulled at the lid, and the minute he did another man was being dragged by his golden retriever over to Kurt’s table. 

Before he could stop it, a splash of light pink yogurt was splattered across the front of a bright blue polo. 

“Shit, I am so sorry,” they both said. 

Kurt had a lap full of puppy and the man covered in yogurt. 

“She’s really friendly and has a fondness for bacon,” the man said, gesturing to the sandwich. “And who can blame her.” 

With that comment, Kurt pushed his meal away slightly. Out of reach of the dog’s mouth. 

“I usually am way more careful with my food,” Kurt said. 

The handsome man only laughed, “it’s no big deal, do you happen to have a napkin?” 

“Oh yes!” Kurt reached into his bag to grab one. 

“Thanks,” he said, “come here, Lacey.” 

The puppy sat right at his side and waited. Kurt stood up to wipe the yogurt away while the man kept Lacey still. 

“I can...” he started to say but Kurt was already pulling away having cleaned it up the best he could. 

“Lacey and I also share a fondness for cute boys but I don’t suppose...” he trailed off, blushing. 

Kurt still wasn’t used to being flirted with but this wasn’t small town, Ohio. 

“And who can blame you,” Kurt replied, already grabbing a pen and paper from his bag to write on. 

THE REST OF THE PROMPTS CAN BE FOUND BELOW THE CUT

7 - you both do the side-to-side dance when you try to pass them in the grocery store aisle

Kurt told his dad to pick up an extra heavy whipping cream three days ago when Burt asked if Kurt needed any other ingredients for Thanksgiving dessert. He told him. 

“I only need 3 things: dark chocolate, heavy whipping cream, and almond extract.” 

Burt had gotten everything but Kurt needed whipping cream for both the chocolate mousse itself and the whipped topping he planned to make. Now he was at the crowded grocery store one day prior to Thanksgiving. Exactly where he didn’t want to be. 

 Of course, every grocery store made you walk all the way to the back of the store for dairy products. I’ll just grab milk and eggs real quick, you think, then suddenly you have a cart full of snacks you didn’t need. 

Kurt found the red and white carton fairly quick. He backed up and started to make his way to the self-checkout. Before he could think about the temptation of potato chips, he was stopped by another body. 

They both stopped and shifted their feet to make way for the other. From right to left and back again for several seconds before both falling into pits of laughter. Kurt looked into deep hazel eyes that twinkled at him. He wondered how long he could do this dance just to stare at them some more. 

“That’s my fault, I came around the corner too quick,” he said. 

Not quick enough, Kurt thought, we could’ve fallen to the floor. You on top of me would be quite nice. 

“No, it’s all me,” Kurt replied, “I should’ve been watching where I was going.” 

He fumbles into his pocket for a business card. Isabel’s one-month anniversary gift. 

“If you’re in town longer than tomorrow, I’d love to buy you some coffee as an apology,” Kurt said, handing the card over. 

“Oh.” Kurt watched him scan the card, flipping it over in his hands. “I’d love to, Kurt.” 

A shiver ran down his spine. Maybe he should thank his dad for forgetting the cream. 

12 - you kick a ball and your shoe flies off, hitting them in the back of your head

Blaine used to hate having an older brother. Growing up, he felt constantly in competition with Cooper’s larger-than-life personality. Now that Cooper had settled down in LA with Lisa, his wife, and had two wonderful kids, having an older sibling didn’t seem too bad.

It was summer break, Blaine was free to leave the confines of his NYU dorm room. He was trying to get lost in the sunshine of California to forget he was about to start his final year of college. Time with his niece and nephew was sure to put any nervousness out of his head. 

They were playing soccer in the park when it happened. It was bound to. Everyone in LA was hot. It was like the law. 

Cute boys and Blaine’s non-existence coordination weren’t a good mix. 

Blaine went to kick the ball and caught sight of a bicep. An unusually pale bicep. A rare sight in sunny Los Angles. Arms, Blaine fantasized, he’d love to see wrapped around him or possibly pushing his legs apart. 

He was sure he tighten his laces. This is why Blaine Anderson didn’t wear sneakers. Missed the ball by an inch but the force of his kick sent something flying through the air directly towards the cute guy: a sneaker. 

It happened so fast, Blaine heard the yell of surprise before realizing his sock was exposed. Once he realized what happened, he rushed over to the man. 

“Fuck, I am so sorry,” Blaine said. “Can I do anything?” 

“Well, an aspirin would be great,” the man teased. 

Blaine sat in the grass and chuckled. Still extremely embarrassed. 

“Not exactly the fairytale I always dreamed of.” 

“Fairytale?” Blaine asked, scrunching up his nose in confusion. 

“Cinderella,” he said, like it was obvious, “a lost shoe as it were.” 

“I’m not Cinderella,” Blaine told him, “sorry to say. I’m more of a Blaine.” 

“Kurt.” 

“It’s nice to meet you.” 

“I do believe this is yours,” Kurt said, handing over the shoe. 

21 - Almost spilling a drink because you met their eyes and got distracted thinking how cute they are. 

His dad always said pour your drinks yourself. Blaine became that friend who grabbed drinks for everyone for this reason exactly. He wasn’t sure what the occasion was exactly but his study buddy from his songwriting workshop invited him. It was at some loft in Bushwick but Blaine didn’t mind the adventure. 

Until tonight he had no reason to venture to this part of the city. 

“Blaine!” Elliott exclaimed, pushing a solo cup into his hand, “Drink up, karaoke at eleven!” 

Then he disappeared into the crowd. Blaine headed straight for the kitchen and poured the toxic mixture down the sink. He found a new cup and started reading the labels of the bottles spread out across the counter. Mixers and any alcohol of your choice seemed to be available. 

Rum and coke sounded good. He went into the fridge for a cold soda first. Blaine was happy the kitchen was empty he wasn’t quite ready to start making friends. As far as he knew, Elliott was the only friendly face here tonight. 

He poured the rum in for some semblance of tracking his alcohol intake. The last time he got drunk, he dialed the professor he TA-ed for, who thankfully overlooked that incident. Blaine cracked open the coke and while he poured surveying the living room. 

People were dancing to an upbeat pop song that Blaine strangely didn’t recognize and others were mingling in doorways or sat on scattered sofas and chairs chatting. He caught a pair of blue eyes in the crowd. 

The man they were attached to was stunning. If he hadn’t blinked, Blaine could’ve mistaken him for a marble statue carved by the gods. They didn’t lose eye contact as he walked towards the kitchen. It wasn’t until the man stood on the other side of the counter that Blaine noticed his hand was covered in soda. 

“Papers towels are behind you,” the man offers. 

Blaine set the now empty can down and spun around for paper towels to clean up his mess. 

Just great, he thought, make a fool out of yourself. That’ll score you some points. 

He cleans up his hand before wiping down the puddle of bubbling coke on the counter. 

“I don’t think we’ve met,” he continues, “and this is my party so I like to know all my guests.” 

“Your party?” Blaine stutters. 

“It’s my birthday.” 

“I’m Blaine,” he introduces. “Elliott invited me. We have a class together.” 

“Oh, you’re Blaine. From songwriting workshop.” 

“That’s me.” 

Elliott’s obviously talked about him before to this man. This gorgeous, completely out of Blaine’s league man. 

“God, he’s relentless,” he says. “I’m going to kill him.” 

“Um, might I ask why? I can leave if there’s an issue.” Blaine knows when he isn’t welcome. 

“No, no,” he replies, “don’t go. It’s just he’s been trying to set us up for months now.” 

It all clicks.

“Oh god, you’re Kurt.” 

“That’s me, the birthday boy. and you are Elliott’s idea of the best gift ever.”

Blaine blushes. “I don’t know if I can I've up to that but if I can have the next dance I can try.” 

Kurt nods. “I’d like that, Blaine. A lot.” 

50 - getting paired up on an amusement park ride that requires even-numbered riders

All of Kurt’s friends hated rollercoasters. Rachel didn’t like heights, Elliott refused to do anything with loops, and Santana, well, she was too caught up in her new girlfriend to be bothered. 

“I only wanna hear screaming tonight,” she told him. 

So, Kurt waited in line himself. Some fun day at Coney Island this was turning out to be. He was so glad he was spending the day with friends. Kurt rolled his eyes. 

The woman directing the ride gave Kurt his row number and moved down the line. Behind him someone tapped on his shoulder, Kurt turned around and found himself looking at a curly-haired man around his age. 

“Guess we’re both odd men out then, I’m the single rider in my group today.” 

“Oh, um, no, my friends were too chicken to even ride,” Kurt said. 

“I’m really surprised Wes and David are good to go. They both hate being upside-down.” 

Kurt smiled.

“I'm Blaine, by the way.”

“Kurt.” 

The ride emptied out and Kurt crawled over to the far seat. They buckled themselves in and listened to the instructions to keep all body parts inside at all times. Then, the bar came down and the ride launched. 

After the ride ended, Blaine and Kurt were chatting all the way down. Wes and David trailing behind them.

“That second loop really threw me,” Blaine was saying. 

“I saw,” Kurt exclaimed, “I thought you were going to fall out of your seat.” 

“Downfalls of being short and compact.”

When three more people joined their day at the park, no one questioned it. 

[archivevolcania]

❀ What has made you completely lose your chill?

M U N D A Y & S A L T // @crystalcracked

oh this one is easy. that one time someone wanted to drag me into some drama they had with another writer. as soon as this person saw me interacting with them? i get a private message, a link to a callout, and a list of how they are Oh So Horrible. long story short, that was a bunch of bullshit and they were taking advantage of some labels to make this other person look incredibly bad. even more suspicious how they were trying so hard for me to believe it, like? you know something ain't right if someone has to try that hard for things to be believable. the art of playing the victim and making it aaaaall about themselves uvu

more under the cut (: cus this one is an ugly one, read at your own discretion.

aight before i begin, i'd like to add that i am writing this with the consent of my friend: khepri (bxstiae).

talk about a fucking misunderstanding taken to a whole new level. i won't talk about happened cus honestly go check his blog for that since he's not hiding anyting, but long story short people were demonizing khep for "being a cop", being racist, and ableist. i even got a warning on how he "forced plots onto people" lmao all of that is a fucking bullshit lie. he's not even a cop :) but ah, people are so quick to believe anything they're being told if it means "avoiding problematic people". if only they paid more attention to people's actual behavior they'd have it easier sniffing out the actual toxic ones but anyway. oh, and regarding the plotting thing? my dude khep is the chillest mf there is but i guess people find it easier taking shit personal cus something doesn't go their way.

before i was messaged to be warned about him, i got the chance to talk with khep for a good couple weeks if not more. the topic popped up and he opened up to me about his situation, shared with me his callout, explained what had happened and the circumstances of the matter, and then i made my own judgment of him. now this could easily be misunderstood, at no point was he like "boo hoo people are calling me things u-u be on my side, fwiend" LMAO no. like i said, i read the document (aka learned more about that point of view), i talked with khep (learned about his point of view) and from there it was so easy to tell who was the asshole of the situation.

what bothers me the most and what made me go apeshit? when this one person approached me with the intention to fucking ""warn"" me about khepri, telling me LIES like him being a cop, being racist, ableist, guilt-tripping, just? overall grossness. and to top it off? that he was apparently Sneaking into the loz rpc by following / reaching out to those that didn't know about the issue that had happened :o!!! the audacity, dude!!! needless to say i also knew that was a bullshit lie LOL he's been around for years, and anyway, i followed his blog first.

it's still so infuriating to me for people to get away with "demonizing" someone just because ooooo they have a callout oooooo!!! i am well aware some callouts are necessary, but GOD fucking learn to read past the petty bullshit, ffs. the damage done to the person and everyone around is so fucking messed up, like the LEAST someone can do is reach out and ask about their side. or block everyone involved and mind your business lmao no one is forcing anyone to get involved or play detective either, personally i just like being fair about dumb situations like this.

last thing i'm gonna say is (and this is literally in my rules lol) that mentality of canceling someone because of something they did? lol. funny how no one cares if the person apologizes, learns from the situation, educates themselves and is now able to recognize their mistake and, yknow, they just Learned and Grew Up? like any other person in any other situation? i'm all about that growth and improvement, i know i got my own demons and still do lmao (as u can see. i am Extra Salty in general.) obvi this doesn't mean i welcome Everyone with open arms, like if you did something actually illegal or straight up act like a toxic asshole then uh fuck off LOL idc, i got no patience for that petty drama and victim playing on my dash.

:^) i blew off a lil but what can i say. i'm tired of having to see this happen more often than not and only cus people don't have the balls to see past someone's bullshit (the good ol' "if u don't agree with me then u are also guilty!!!!!1!1!" lol grow up, god i hate the people that live with a fucking Need to play judge. look out the window, hug a tree, lick a leaf idk.)

[ghostboymp3]

I am female to male transgender. With that comes dysphoria, a sense that something is not right with my body; a sort of vile sludge that slithers inside you, screaming your flaws that make you not what you are. I didn’t always know I was trans though. There were hints along the way that something wasn’t right, but it took a lot for me to piece it together.

It started from the moment I knew I was me. A small child with a budding mind. I was loud, boisterous, and unafraid of the world’s perils. I never really focused on my appearance. It was more like my body was just a vessel of my will, not a home I lovingly inhabit and decorate. I don’t remember ever looking in mirrors as a kid, but that doesn’t mean I still didn’t look at myself. I always felt like something was wrong, something was missing. I wrongly assumed that it was because I didn’t look like my mother. Maybe if I had the feminine features of a woman I would be happy. Puberty seemed like a solution, something others dreaded I waited for in anticipation. My hair got cut short into a bob, cute and feminine. It made me sob, but I didn’t know why.

As my body started to mature, the sludge turned from a soft whisper to incessant chatter. I was finally becoming acquainted with mirrors. I had a flighty relationship with them, always distasteful quick glances, never long enough to truly understand that the face starting back didn’t feel like me. I didn’t care about my appearance. My hair was always in a ponytail, a graphic tee and bootcut jeans with tennis shoes was my usual outfit. This was about the time I heard the word nonbinary. I liked the idea of it, and could see myself easily slipping into the inbetween. I dismissed it. I looked like a woman by then; a full chest and curved body. I was too feminine to ever fit into this denial of the gender binary. 

I wanted to fit into my body. Feel less like a ghost haunting my own skin. The sludge had started to scream. I was wearing dresses! I was wearing makeup! I had been doing everything right but my veins were still toxic sewers. I was a poltergeist shaking my chains in a dilapidated home. I hit breaking point.

So my parents put me in therapy. I learned that self worth and how useful you are to others are not something I should tie together. My therapist was trying to teach me how to love myself. For the first time I tried to exercise the ghost that had made my body its home. Clean my polluted veins. Through that I found I could love every part of myself, except what made me feminine, made me a woman. Through that I discovered labels like transgender, the real meaning of nonbinary. For the first time in my life, I could see myself. Just in my eyes I could see a hurt little boy shine through.

So I dove head first into finding myself. It took some trial and error. I thank my middle school friends who supported me every single day. I got a haircut and a binder for my chest. It was slow, but I was starting to settle into my skin. Screams turned back into whispers. Then I moved and started highschool. My friends were four hours away, but I had a fresh start as myself.

People were finally seeing me the way I saw myself. I was finally feeling like this body was mine, that it could be home. This changed me on a fundamental level. I carried myself differently, looked less ghost and more ethereal. I fell in love. Love was good for me. I’m a poet, and boy did I write about my love. I had characterized my partner as the earth, grounding and essential. They said I was the sun, all light and love. I did feel like light and love.

I fell out of love, but I still felt like the sun. I used that to learn how to love myself; romanticized myself like I would the world in a poem. I spoke of how my body was a cathedral and I was the angel worshiped there. My love for others was like sunlight. My body is something angelic. I made my body mine, finally. I look in the mirror and instead of a ghost of vile sludge and slime, I see a boy made of sunlight and love and grace. I look in the mirror and I see myself, whole and holy.

[sometimes-love-is-enough]

do you have any spicy hot takes you wanna drop 👀👀?? i will drop one as well, i think that everyone got carried away with the whole sympathetic and unsympathetic stuff -💫

okay so i read the first sentence and i was like ‘fuck yes time to talk about the sympathetic/unsympathetic thing’ and then i read the rest of it and yeah okay so we’re on the same page here. i have a feeling this is going to get extensive so if you don’t want to hear me complaining about stuff that you may or may not like don’t go reading under the cut. Also it's not going to be very coherent

disclaimer: i am not trying to police the fandom or trying to tell anyone that they can’t write stuff. i do my best to stay in my lane and read/consume content that i want to. these are just. feelings i have.

so on the one hand i sort of understand where the whole concept sprung from. it’s hard to write interesting longform stories without a villain of some sort, it’s not as if there’s all that many characters in the first place, and sometimes using the Dragon Witch doesn’t quite cut it. and honestly if you take away the whole ‘they’re all part of the same person’ thing it would’ve been pretty easy to assume that Deceit was the bad guy when he first showed up. he went the whole ‘ominous smirking, evil laughter’ route because he’s a dramatic little bastard, and some people were like 'my son, I love him' and others went 'evil man! Evil! He's planning bad things' and on a purely mechanical level having tags that distinguish people who think a character is good vs people who think a character is evil is a good thing, it helps you distinguish content you want to look at from the content that you don't!

HOWEVER. I think the idea of characters being 'sympathetic' or 'unsympathetic' in the way that this fandom uses those terms is innately flawed. It's black-and-white thinking and it veers close to the whole puritan thing that tumblr is so fond of. And in most cases 'unsympathetic' is just an excuse to write characters as toxic, abusive, and just downright cruel without having to explain yourself. Which is. Hm. And also just lazy writing.

This bit might be tmi but: Patton actually used to be my favorite Sanders Sides character. But back when i initially got into the fandom, I hadn't quite worked out how to filter the content I looked through yet, and I just kept seeing this... constant stream of stuff involving him being abusive to the others in a way that was hm how shall i say this. Uncomfortably familiar. especially with a lot of religious guilt themes. It's not anyone's fault, precisely, but it did tinge a lot of my fandom experience, and it maaaay be why i'm not great at writing him. Doesn't matter. The point is... There wasn't a point. I'm just still bitter about that and wanted to mention it. Maybe i'm angrier about this than i thought i was. Let's not talk about that. Let's move on with this discussion.

You'll notice that i used Janus as an example up there at the top. I can't be sure (and actually it grimly fascinates me so if anybody who's been around here longer than I have has any info on this send it over, I'd love to know) but I think that Deceit's appearance in CLBG may have marked the beginning of this whole unsympathetic/sympathetic split in the fandom. It seems a safe enough bet, anyway, especially since the earliest example I can find of any fic being tagged 'unsympathetic' in the AO3 archive is from 4th February 2018, literally the day after CLBG went up. (damn, guys, moving fast). 

The first occurrences of the 'sympathetic' tag crop up about a month later. Tumblr is impossible to search so I don't know if there was any discussion about terms, or if it was just a kind of snowball effect with people seeing the tags and tagging their own fics as appropriate (and this is a fascinating phenomena in itself!) but either way - i have absolutely no idea what happened to make people go from 'we're divided on whether this character who presents himself a villain is actually doing bad and detrimental things to the other sides/thomas/the world as a whole/innocent puppies' to 'hang on what if the other sides were kicking puppies also?'

So now this has turned from a rant about terminology into me being genuinely curious about this whole thing. I will put the rant on pause while I go scour AO3 to see when the first occurrences of the tags popped up. Please hold.

Okay. I'm going to ignore the unsympathetic tags for anyone who's not a side because i don't hate myself nearly that much (but uh for the record. There is a part of this fandom that thinks the LITERAL CONCEPT OF SLEEP IS EVIL and i'm not sure if i should be impressed or horrified. What? What???)

All of these numbers are up-to-date as of 17/06/2020, which is when I'm posting this. I'm probably not going to update that, so keep that in mind if you're reading this in the future.

In order of chronological appearance:

Unsympathetic Janus ('Deceit' at the time, of course) - first appears 12 March 2018, 191 works Unsympathetic Roman - first appears 10 February 2019, 102 works Unsympathetic Logan - first appears 24 June 2019, 59 works Unsympathetic Patton - first appears 2 July 2019, 228 works Unsympathetic Remus - first appears 17 July, 2019, 121 works Unsympathetic Virgil - first appears 31 July 2019, 71 works

...I genuinely don't know what I expected.

The fandom was much slower to spark with Unsympathetic Remus content after he first showed up, which is kind of interesting. Unless they just didn't bother to tag it? Like, I'm working with the assumption that everyone's tagging all of their content, which might not always be the case

I thought there'd be so much more Janus and Remus-tagged fics than there actually are.

It does not surprise me that Patton has the most in this category. It makes me sad but it doesn't surprise me. Why are you guys so intent on making him evil

And on the opposite side of the sympathy spectrum (similarly chronological):

Sympathetic Janus - first appears 7 March 2018, 1920 works Sympathetic Remus - first appears 2 July 2019, 965 works Sympathetic Patton - first appears 31 July 2019, 71 works Sympathetic Virgil - first appears 1 August 2019, 69 works (nice) Sympathetic Logan - first appears 8 August 2019, 41 works Sympathetic Roman - first appears 20 August, 56 works

It's actually wild that 'Sympathetic [Janus]' seems to have appeared several days between Unsympathetic Jan made any appearance.

There were several Remus fics that were backtagged to before DWIT was released. I ignored them because it was throwing this off a bit. there may be other problems to this effect in any of the other stats, but i’m too lazy to go back and check those all one-by-one

Sympathetic tags in general seem to be used as, hm, there's a word here i can't quite think of. Basically, 'Sympathetic' seems to be the default setting for characters like Virgil, Patton, Roman, Logan (the 'Light Sides', although i take issue with that terms as well. This isn't the time for that, though. Statistics!!) which 'Unsympathetic' used to be the default for Janus and Remus. That's become slightly more elastic of late, though. Basically if you're using the Sympathetic tag for anyone who's not a 'Dark Side' you're usually doing it to make a point of something. e.g. if you have other sides who aren't usually unsympathetic as such and you're trying to clarify that yes, these specific ones are Okay. Or if you're just being thorough. Anyway that's why LAMP seem to have less works tagged as Symp than the other two.

All the sympathetic tags for non-Janus characters seem to have sprung up in quick succession over a short period of months! I have no idea what this means but it's strange and cool to look at

If you're wondering about the discrepancy between this information and my earlier note that the first appearance of 'unsympathetic' as an AO3 tag was the day after CLBG came out - that fic in question had a general 'unsympathetic dark sides' tag, no specific tags mentioned.

Okay statistics segue over. The only point of that apart from scientific curiosity was to try to puzzle out where the fuck this all stemmed from. I still have no answers.

I need you all to understand that 'Sympathetic' no longer looks like a real word to me.

So. Remember how i mentioned how this fandom managed to make unsympathetic!Remy/Sleep a thing? Yeah. That baffles me. I haven't seen unsympathetic Dr Picani anywhere yet but I know it's only a matter of time and that lowkey horrifies me. But that's not really the most baffling thing because, uh

Well. earlier this week I accidentally stumbled into a corner of tumblr that's dedicated to unsympathetic character Thomas content. If you're a fan of that, i'd advise you to click away from this post now because i'm about to get very angry about that and i don't want to make you upset. Thank you.

What the fuck. literally all of the posts in this corner of tumblr are about c!thomas abusing the sides and being a terrible person??? ??????? ????? WHAT? can we just take a step back and. WHY? WHY are you doing this? Are we watching the same show? from a psychological standpoint, that's self-abuse and self-harm and i suppose it might be interesting if you explored it as such but APPARENTLY NO. apparently that's not what this is about. This is just about writing about someone being abusive to other people for the sake of it. there were so many posts about him 'abusing the sides by telling them they're not real people' and. OKAY so a) he wouldn't do that b) THEY AREN'T. THEY LITERALLY AREN'T REAL PEOPLE WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

[deep breath]

so actually i think that kind of leads me back to the point of this whole thing.  I had a point, what? It surprises me too, don't worry. The point is (roughly) that writing characters as 'unsympathetic' isn't something that i have an objection to at all. Everybody has the capacity to be cruel! Nobody's perfect!! But with the sympathetic/un labels it seems to enforce this strict dichotomy of good vs bad. Either Logan is an abusive monster OR he's a perfect angel. Guys. That's not how it works. And it's not INTERESTING if you do that sort of thing because then you've got people being unnecessarily cruel and evil for the sake of it. They turn into 2-dimensional caricatures that only exist to be bad people. 

People make mistakes! I write about characters making mistakes all the time! Janus and Remus pulling the whole trolley problem thing in Pick A Side definitely wasn't a great thing for them to do, but I didn't tag them as unsympathetic at the time and i have no plan to do so because i don't want to write them as two-dimensional caricatures who are only capable of one of two settings on the morality meter.  (same goes for the next chapter, whenever that comes up but... let’s talk about that when i post it, maybe)That's boring. If you're going to take characters and make them into antagonists just because you can't think of anyone else to fit the role, and you're doing it by stripping away everything that makes them Them, then you might as well just stuff a paper bag with straw and cast a scarecrow as the villain instead because buddy. You're making a strawman. That's what you're doing. You can't have Patton without kindness and well-meaningness, just as you can't have Patton without the mistakes caused by those two things. Same goes for the other sides and their flaws and strengths.

And then there's the other thing that's definitely more specific to this fandom, which I think was best summarized with something i said in the comments section of Pick A Side with len at like ten minutes past midnight that one time:

(...) and not necessarily related to anything you said, but - this fandom is kind of unique in that... there's no actual bad guys or villains. (at least that's how i perceive it.) The Real Villain Is Your Poor Mental Health. people are always like 'unsympathetic deceit' or 'unsympathetic patton' and point to different points in the videos as evidence, ('i give you permission to think those thoughts' patton's being controlling - that's abuse) but like. it's all the same guy. he's giving himself permission. he's doing it to himself. imagine if we tagged other fandom characters with like 'Unsympathetic Harry Potter' when he was being mean or critical to himself. wild.

 So yeah. In conclusion: obviously people should write what they like. If they see characters one way and they want to write about them being two-dimensional monsters that's fine. I kind of wish you'd put more thought into it and make it at least interesting if you're going to do that sort of thing, but you do you i guess.

That being said. If I see any more unsympathetic!Patton content I will start crying. i want to love Goofy Dad Man the same way i used to 

[bangtan-gal]

Rev Up

Han Jisung x Fem!Reader street racer!au  word count: 2.1k warnings: angst, swearing, blood, brief mentions of drugs, fluff, smut Requested

Masterlist

Your whole childhood, you’d been sheltered. You grew up with your parents constantly hovering over you. So when college came, you hit the ground running. Freedom and exhilaration were your drugs and you were addicted. And the biggest dose you could find was in Han Jisung.

You’d met Jisung your freshmen year. You had been trying to sleep before your final the next day, but he and a bunch of boys were making a bunch of noise outside your window. Simply put, you made quite a first impression on the boy. Throwing a neon pink, plastic hairbrush at him from your window and then marching down to the parking lot to retrieve it and give him a piece of your mind was quite the way to be memorable. From first sights, the two of you looked like you didn’t get along; but if people actually paid attention, they’d notice the odd chemistry that burned between you.

You hadn’t meant to become friends with the obnoxious blondie when you first met him. Actually, your first several interactions with the boy made you think he was the most annoying thing to exist. That annoyance led to a burning curiosity, and then next thing you knew you were at one of his races, your heart practically leaping out of your chest.

Now two years later the two of you were inseparable. Jisung would skip his classes to come to yours and you would ignore homework to be at his races. You weren’t dating. That was the most annoying thing about Jisung. He hated labels and didn’t seem to understand why you wanted an actual relationship out of… whatever was going on between the two of you.

It had started when Jisung asked you to ride in the car with him. He had started calling you his Lucky Charm and it only grew from there. It quickly became long nights talking about everything and nothing and nights that were full of kisses, giggles, and sly touches. Then one day you made the mistake of asking what the two of you were. He’d clamped up and ignored you for two days straight.

Friends had told you it would be best to drop his ass, but you found yourself unable to do it. You knew it was toxic, you weren’t stupid, but Jisung became your everything. Some said that you couldn’t tell the difference between an addiction and love, but you were certain Jisung wasn’t classified as that drug. Sure, he was the epitome of freedom and only had a wild side, but you’d dug deeper into him over the years and found yourself falling for the boy that lay underneath. 

Yet the problem was that life doesn’t always grant perfection.

It was cold and you hated sitting on the sidelines, shivering in your oversized hoodie. Jisung leaned against his beat up Mazda, sneering at the boy across from him. Minho, Jisung’s best friend, stood beside you, arms crossed as the argument went down. 

“How much longer are we gonna be here?” You grumbled.

“Believe me, I wish I knew,” Minho huffed, lighting a cigarette. This was the first time in months that you weren’t actually in the car with Jisung for his race. This was also the first time you found yourself not excited to be here. This was just plain stupid. A rematch because somebody’s ego got hurt.

“Why are you here?” You asked him, eyes looking at the empty sidewalks. Normally there would be small crowds, sometimes huge, to come watch. Today it was five of you: the two drivers, you, Minho, and the other guy’s supposed girlfriend. “Jisung’s my best friend, if he gets here, I have to be here, don’t I?” He huffed, taking a puff from his cigarette. “Why the hell are you here?”

Minho didn’t like you and he never tried to hide it from you. He’d treated you the same since the first day he met you: like a bump in the road. You never tried to make friends with him; he was stubborn and you had to just deal with it.

“I mean—you’re technically not anything to him, are you?” You smacked the cigarette from his hand, angrily crushing it under your shoe.

“Fuck off Lee,” you spat, moving away from him. Jisung glanced over his shoulder, smiling nervously at you. It made your heart warm and you smiled back, giving him a thumbs up. Then he slid into the car and started the engine.

There was no enthusiasm in Minho’s gait as he walked in front of the cars. He pulled his lighter and a small firework from his pocket. You flinched when it exploded and the cars zoomed off. 

This was why you liked to be in the car. Standing there in silence, watching as the cars disappeared around the corner, there was nothing entertaining about it. You felt like a loser standing alone at a party, but this time, it was just you and a guy you hated. Minho walked towards you, holding his phone up. You sighed when you saw that he was on the phone with Jisung.

There was no talking coming from the other end, only Jisung’s muffled breathing and the audible vibrating of his car. You held your breath, hands clutching one another in your pocket. You closed your eyes and for a moment felt like you were actually in the car. You could see the lights zooming by, feel the excitement in your stomach and the way the car rumbled.

“Holy shi—”

Your eyes flew open as Jisung’s voice crackled through the speaker. You knew what was happening before it did. Something screeched and then there was a loud crunch and a thud. You met Minho’s gaze and the two of you took off in the directions the cars had gone. They were at least several miles down the road but your fear was egging you on. The car came into view and the sight almost made you throw up. The front was completely crunched in and smoke was curling up from it and disappearing into the cold air.

Your heart pounded as you hurried to the door, ripping it open. You helped Jisung out of the car, struggling as he leaned against you. Blood trickled from his nose and down his lips. His eyes were half open and glazed over.

“Oh fuck,” Minho hissed, his eyes darting around. “Where’s the other guy?”

His car was nowhere in sight.

“Who cares,” you huffed, “just call an ambulance.”

Minho frowned. “But they’re illegally racing don’t you th—”

Jisung coughed and blood spattered across your front.    

“Fucking call them Minho! Do you want him to bleed everywhere?” You screamed. You felt like you were about to pass out as the boy quickly dialed 911. Jisung groaned, eyes fluttering open. His gaze swung back and forth and then managed to settle on you.

“I’m r-sorry Y/N,” he gasped. You shook your head, still struggling to hold back tears.

“It’s not your fault,” you whispered, nearly crumbling under his weight. Minho was struggling to describe where you were to the operator, but you were unable to help as Jisung met your gaze. His eyes looked completely clear and you found yourself unable to tear your gaze away.

“I love you,” he mumbled. 

You sputtered. 

“W-wha—”

“They’re on their way,” Minho interrupted. He was completely unaware of the moment the two of you just had. “Here, let me help.”

The boy took Jisung from you, easily supporting him. You stood there, arms hanging limp at your side and eyes focusing on nothing in particular. Han Jisung didn’t like labels. Han Jisung didn’t openly express his emotions like that. He especially didn’t just say ‘I love you’ out of the blue. Did near-death experiences really change people? But he seemed mostly fine and nowhere near death. 

Then again, Han Jisung didn’t follow any rules, not even his own.

🕱🕱🕱🕱🕱

By the next afternoon, you were back at your apartment. Jisung lay on your couch, snoring away. Minho was collapsed in the extra bedroom. You were exhausted as well, but you couldn’t sleep. Thankfully, Jisung hadn’t sustained a bunch of horrible injuries. Nothing was broken or internally bleeding. His ribs were slightly bruised and his face was scraped up a bit. You had probably overreacted, but it felt like your mind had short-circuited when you saw him in the destroyed car.

“Y/N.”

Jisung’s croak had you hurrying to his side. He smiled at you and sat up, yawning. 

“You’re okay?” You asked.

“Yeah, I am.” He met your stare. “I promise.”

“Thank god,” you sighed and then smacked his shoulder, “how dare you fucking just drop that statement as if you were about to die any second! Do you know how much that scared me? I thought you were going to actually di—”

Your voice cracked and you stopped yourself. Jisung’s eyes searched your face and then he reached for your hand. You tried to pull away, but he tightened his grip and his eyes begged you not to leave.

“Y/N… when I lost control of the car I felt like I could just see my whole life flash before my eyes. I have never been loved by anyone before and that has caused me to always cut people off at some point. Then I just realized that you’ve been here all along, glowing so bright in my dull world,” he murmured, “I truly do love you Y/N, I just suck at showing it.”

You smiled, your cheeks flushing at his words.

“That was really corny.”

Jisung kissed you, pulling you close to him. Your hands tangled in his hair and you let yourself fall away in him. His taste and smell was a perfect intoxication. You straddled his lap, pressing yourself further into the kiss. The two of you fell back and Jisung pulled back for a second, eyes glazed over as he smiled at you. 

“I wished I said it before,” he hummed. You chuckled and pressed your lips to his again in a quick kiss.

“We can’t base our lives off wishes.”

He hummed as you kissed him again, deeper this time. Things started to pick up the pace as both your shirts were tossed over your head and onto the floor. His lips moved from your mouth to your jaw and then down your neck. Soft gasps were escaping your lips as his assault became harsher. His hips bucked into yours and you jerked against him. 

Jisung winced.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” you muttered, pulling back, “you’re hurt.”

“I’m fine, I swear,” he stated. You pressed a hand to his ribs and he flinched again.

“Yeah, perfectly fine,” you retorted, rolling your eyes. You slid off his lap and sat on the other end of the couch. Your eyes dropped down to the obvious problem in his shorts. His mouth was slightly open, eyes focused on the ceiling.

“But if you relax, I can help you.”

He looked over just in time as you grasped him through his pants. A strangled, absolutely beautiful gasp fell from his lips and he rolled into your touch. You slid his basketball shorts and boxers off, mouth-watering as his cock sprang up. You knelt on the floor and gently wrapped your lips around his tip. 

“Fu-uck.”

You hollowed your cheeks and bobbed up and down. Jisung’s hand found its way to your hair and he groaned, tugging on the strands. You licked along the underside of his cock and then pulled off with a ‘pop!’ You grasped the base, meeting the blonde’s stare as you went down on him again. You forced him as deep as you could take him, gagging around his tip. 

His hips bucked up and a loud groan fell from his lips. You swallowed around him and watched through your eyelashes as his head fell back. His stomach started to tighten up and you picked up your pace. 

“S-shit Y/N!” He whimpered, hips momentarily retreating from your ministration and then bucked back up into your mouth. Jisung came with several quick gasps and you pulled back, his cum dripping down from your lips and chin. You wiped it off and then crawled back up onto the couch, gently laying down beside him.

“I think I forgot to mention that I love you too,” you murmured, tracing circles on his chest. 

He opened his mouth.

“Are you guys fucking serious? You couldn’t have taken it to the damn room?” Minho shrieked.

[trikxx]

Lookk so to mention this is not just any friends to lovers story my toxic side is screaming friends with benefits type beat so😉 there will be some heartbreaking and Shinsou talking to other girls and you talking to other boys❤️❗️this is also a poc reader sooo read if you want i dont own you🤷🏽‍♀️

Songs for this chapter ⬇️

• B***h dont kill my vibe by kendrick Lamar

• in control nba youngboy

⚠️❗️marijuana use in this chapter❗️⚠️

"Alright we have 569 orders to pack Toshi." You say to Shinsou "ok hold on." Shinsou said licking and blunt to finish rolling it. You grabbed a box of packages and put it in the living room the grabbing your computer to print out labels and receipts.

You light a candle and turn on some music (the song at the top) Shinsou puts the blunt to the side and starts labeling the packages and putting the orders together in this order costumers order, business card, thank you card, and receipt. You do final packaging and stamp for the mail marking each order off the list and putting it in the box of finished orders.

"Hey n/n wanna go get a tattoo tomorrow?"

"Sure but where?"

"You remember Sero and Denki from Highschool?"

"Yea."

"Well they opened a tattoo spot on 58th." Shinsou said "Bet we can go." You respond putting another order in the box.

*DING*

"Who is it?" You ask Shinsou cause he pick up you phone. "Armoni." "What did he say?" "He said can he come over?" Shinsou responded "Are you ok with him coming over?" You say "Yea." "Ok then tell him Its ok."

Armoni⛓💵: Is it ok if i come over?

Y/n🤍🌸| Yea. You spending the night and do you need a ride?

Y/n🤍🌸| Also do ma know?

Armoni⛓💵: yea she know and no dad dropping me off.

Armoni⛓💵: ouu i can spend the night bet. Yea if thats the case.

Y/n🤍🌸: i didn't-

Y/n🤍🌸: Aight.

You and Shinsou start back in the orders soon finishing them. "I'm tired as fuck." You say flopping down on the couch "Get untired sweetheart cause your brother is coming over and we have a blunt to smoke and food to order." Shinsou said while laying across your legs.

Y/n's pov

Shinsou lit the blunt and hit it a few times. I looked at him as he let the smoke move out his mouth softly blowing with his head back. "Like what you see?" Shinsou said looking at me with a cocky smirk thats when I noticed I was staring "shut up and pass the blunt." I say. Shinsou chuckled and gave me the blunt. I did the same thing as Shinsou but blew o's "stop trying to show out n/n." Shinsou said taking the blunt "boy ain't nobody 'showing out'." I say putting up quotation marks with your hands.

We pass the blunt back a forth a few more times until I got a notification from life 360 saying Armoni go to the apartment. Shinsou put out the blunt and put it with the spongebob rolling tray we had. I cracked the window and opened the balcony door a little bit and went in my room to put the orders away.

When I came out the room someone started knocking on the door kinda like the police (strong ass knock✋🏽💀) "Armoni Keith l/n how manys time do I have to tell you stop knocking on my fucking door like that." I say opening the door. " Dang Im sorry you aint gotta cuss at me n/n" Armoni said "Aye Shinsou where the hoes?"

I smack Armoni on the back if the head while walking past him to the living room "Ain't no hoes." I say coldly. "Yea Armoni ain't no hoes.... right now." Shinsou said smirking. "Nigga." I say with a straight face. "Im not finna do this with ya'll tonight." Shinsou and Armoni start laughing "ANYWHOO. Did you eat yet Armoni cause was finna order some food."

"Nah not yet." Armoni said. "What do ya'll want to eat?" I say walking into the kitchen with my phone to grab an water and then lean on the island.

"What about taco bell?"

"Armoni who the fuck."(sorry to the people who like taco bell) I say "ima have to agree with y/n Armoni. Who eats Taco bell?" "Uhh..obviously me." Armoni says.

"Awe naw you gotta go." I say "how about in and out? We can go out and get that." K said "im cool with that" Armoni says. "Ok." I say walking to my room. I got in to my room and pull out a pair of jogging pants and a oversized (fav anime) shirt and took off my bonnet and styled my faux locs

I grabbed my purse and house and car keys. "Yall ready?" I ask putting on my air force ones. "Been ready. We was waiting for you." Shinsou said.

Time skip

I start up my car using my remote start while we were walking to the car in the parking garage.

Everyone gets in the car. "LET ME PLAY THE MUSIC!" Armoni yells "STOP FUCKING YELLING." And it depends on what you finna play." I say turning around to look at Armoni. "Come on n/n let him play the music." Shinsou said looking at me tilting his head with puppy dog eyes. "I guess." I say rolling my eyes. "Just dont play no trash shit." I said looking at him through the rear view mirror. "Ok ok and i was going to say yall had to cause yall smoked with out me." He said making this face '😌' "boy.."

Play in control by nba youngboy

"shhhhhhhh" Shinsou said putting his finger up to your mouth and pointing to the steering wheel. "Food." I side eyed him and started backing out the parking spot and driving out the garage. Armoni start playing Nba youngboy. As much as I wanted to turn it off Shinsou wouldn't let me so we had to flow with it.

"Sk machine guns its two of us wit four nines!" Armoni rapped with the song (in control-nba young boy only song i can get down to🙌🏽 edit- i put the wrong song🙂 if you listen to yb just ignore that🧍🏽‍♀️) I turned down the radio. "What do yall want from here?" I asked they both said what they wanted and i went inside and ordered the food. As im waiting a guy comes up to me "Damn, what a fine girl like you doing out by yourself." He says "ahaha" I said sarcastically "getting food." I say still looking down at my phone. "You should me get your number." He says "you should let me get your name." I respond dodging the request. " My name is Shindo and you?" "Y/n" i say

"Order number (blah blah blah)!" The cashier says "welp thats me." I said not wanting to talk to him anymore. "Here you go ma'am." R/n says handing my bag "Thank you, have a good night" i say walking towards the door. "Hey! Uhh.. y/n you said it was!" I heard the guy from before right when I walked out the door "Hey" I said putting on a fake smile. "Can I get your number?" He asked "yea sure" I say pulling out my phone to put his number in.

Shinsou's pov

As me and Armoni are just chilling the car I see y/n coming out on in and out but she getting stopped by someone "who the fuck.." I say "what wron... oh shit" Armoni says. "You know who that is?" Armoni asks me. "Not at all." I tell him. Im not gonna lie i was jealous. But like fr who is that. I see y/n put her phone back the guy tried to hug her but she away "she dont want em" me and Armoni said at the same time and busted out laughing

"What are yall laughing at?" Y/n said opening the back door putting the food in the car. "You petty for doing that to that dude." Armoni said trying to stop laughing. "Awe well he was the on that didn't realize." Y/n said " But you still gave him your number though ." I said. "Yea Im finna block his number rn." Y/n said pulling her phone back out.

Y/n's pov

"Aye. Disconnect from my car now." I said to Armoni "whyyyy?" Armoni whined. " Disconnect or get out. Either way your still disconnecting just the second one your walking." I said smiling at him "ok ok"

I started playing my playlist.

~Time skip~

Shinsou's pov

We got back to the apartment and everybody got comfortable and we ate and watched movies Armoni went into his room and got in the bed around 3 am. Me and y/n were still in the living room. Y/n was laying on me and I was laying on the couch.

~30 minutes later~

"Hey y/n..." she fell asleep on me. 'How cute' I chuckled and just stayed there not wanting to wake her up to put her in her bed. I kept watching f/a that Y/n had put on after Armoni went to bed.

*DING*

Kami💀⚡️: Yoooo are yall coming through to the shop tmrw

Hitoshi☄️: yea why wouldn't we😃.

Kami💀⚡️: just asking cause you guys change up plans really quick if ya know what i mean😉

Hitoshi☄️: stfu. It was only once.

Kami💀⚡️: if you say soo Hitoshi😌

Hitoshi☄️: stop fucking texting me.

It was only once we only did it once. Me and Y/n were supposed to go to their shop the other day but thing between me and y/n go heated and we ended up in bed together but thats besides the point. "Yo Hitoshi your still woke?" Armoni said walking into the living room. "Just up to get som..."Armoni stopped and look at me then down. "Uhmmm..." Armoni went back to his room and got his phone.

"Moms is gonna love this." Armoni said taking a picture. "Why you take a.... fuck Armoni delete it now." I whisper yelled still trying not wake up y/n

"Why should I delete it? Why ya'll ain't tell nobody you guys were a 'thing'?" Armoni shot back. "Cause we're not. Bruh delete the pic and we stay safe. You know your sister is crazy and if she finds out thats the end of our lives." I say slightly sitting up causing y/n to move around a little bit. "Valid point I'll delete it on one case." I was over joyed til the last part.

"Let me drive the car tomorrow." Armoni said. I sighed knowing either way this might be my last week on earth. "Ok." "Anddd deleted thank you for your service." Armoni said taking his water and going back to his room.

I layed back down trying to comprehend what just happened.

*DING*

"What the fuckkkk." I say reaching over to y/n's phone.

*New message from (***)-***-****

(***)-***-****: Hey y/n this Shindo😉.

*read*

I looked at the phone for a little bit 'who is Shindo'

(***)-***-****: from In&out we met there just yesterday.

(***)-***-****: shit. My bad for blowing up your phone just realized how late it is. Text me back when you see this👋🏽.

'Wow' I think to myself bro really is blind. Would this be considered harassment. Maybe I'm tripping... im still high as fuck. Maybe I should go to sleep. I cut on another show to try and fall asleep on but I couldn't. I kept thinking what if she falls for him?

"Y/n." I say shaking her a little bit "come on" Motioning her to wrap her legs and arms around me so I can put her in her bed. "Can I sleep in here?" I ask "Bruh your room is down the hall go there." She said in a sleepy voice. "I dont feel like ittttt" i say.

Y/n slow turned over to face me. "I dont have the energy to argue with you." She said "I take that as a yes." I say getting into her bed.

I felt y/n snuggle under me trying to find warmth so I grabbed and held her close to me. "Goodnight." I say. No response so I start to let go "ok ok night." I heard y/n say. "Mhm thats what I thought." After a while I was able to fall asleep.

2062

This chapter took 5 ever to write but it was worth it I really hope you guys liked this chapter.

🌸L O V E  Y A  B E B E S🌸

[fernandoswarcrimes]

Ego Season: Rules of the Game (part 2)

(If you get the refrence at the end ⭐️ for you)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Josettè had gotten up the next morning to go on her morning run after lastnight she knew she'd get along with some of the boys, but Trevor?...that was going to be a major challenge. She slipped outside and started her morning jog she made sure to have the adress in her maps just Incase she went far enough she wouldn't remeber her surroundings and how to get back still being new to the area. By the time she got back to the house and showered she made her way back downstairs she saw cole in the kitchen leaning over the island eatin a bowl of cereal "morning Jos" he mumbled in between bites she smiled grabbing a glass of orange juice leaning against the counter.

"So you ready to show all the boys up today at practice?" He asked looking over at her with a smile, he didn't see the problem with them having a girl on the team if she was as good as the scouts thought she was enough to invite her (not to mention looking at her highlights with the Silvertips) then she deserved to be there with them.

Josettè looked up confused she didn't know he knew it was supposed to be kept hush hush. "My mom told me lastnight, said I could give you a lift when I go she has to run some errands today or else she would've taken you" he said as he finished his ceral taking the bowl over to the sink and washing it out. “Gotcha I guess I'll go grab my bag then you look already to go don't want you to be late" Josettè said as she rinsed her cup out setting it on the drying rack before heading upstairs to grab her hockey bag from her room slipping her shoes on as she made her way downstairs meeting cole at the door

"So I take it the coach knows but the boys don't" She asked as they both made their way out to the car putting their bags in the trunk getting in the car "yeah they don't know, I think jack has somewhat of an idea but he hasn't said anything to anyone besides you know..me, he was the one who pointed out how good you were to some of us an then my mom told me you were coming to stay for a while. He kinda guessed something was up." Cole nodded as they drove to the arena for practice they didn't say much for a few minutes before he spoke up again "by the way how was it playing for the Silvertips? You played with uh Hart right? The Flyers new goalie?"

"Yeah, i finished school 2 years early being a foreign exchange student from France. Then got offered a spot there. I played with him for maybe a year or two before he got called up. He was really nice showed me a lot of tricks and stuff hes the only friend I really had or let get close to me since I don't have any siblings. He was so down to earth and just all around nice guy I wish some guys were that nice" Josettè rambled moving her hands about as she spoke about her time in Everett and being friends with the young Goalie. Cole glanced over at her briefly as he drove he was starting to see glimpses of the real Josettè behind the mask she put on infront of everyone he'd hoped the more they got to know eachother she'd trust him like she did Carter. "But yeah I enjoyed it in Everett didn't really want to leave but couldn't really pass this opportunity up plus with carter moving up it just felt right." She spoke as he nodded understanding what she meant.

They arrived at the arena about 10 minutes later both grabbing their respective bags from the trunk and heading inside, "so I'm supposed to meet with Coach John about everything" Josettè said as they walked down the many hallways "I'll take you too him, mom already let him know that I was bringing you in" he said with a smile stopping at a dor labeled coaches and knocked a few times.

The door soon opened and a tall man stepped out "Great! Caufield you're here and you brought Moreaux with you, I'm John Wroblewski Head Coach here. It's a pleasure to have you here I'm sure you will fit right in with the boys from some of the highlights I've seen of your playing style they could probably learn somethin from you in the long run."

Josettè nodded with a smile while he turned to Cole "alright go get changed and head on out on the ice for practice I gotta get her paperwork and stuff ready then we'll meet you boys out there." John said as Cole nodded patting Josettès shoulder before heading off to the lockeroom to get ready.

A little while later after they went over the paperwork and schedules and stuff that would go on John showed Josettè where she could change and then met him at the end of the hall when she was done making sure her braid was tight against her head and wouldnt come lose, and followed behind him as they headed out to the ice where the rest of the team was with the assistant coach.

John cleared his throat getting the boy's attention as they stopped running the drills they were doing "Boys, we usually don't do this and this is a first for us and the league, but we're bringing in a new person to the team. Guys I'd like you to meet Josettè Moreaux, I know a few of you have seen her skills and highlights from her time spent in Everett with the Silvertips. I expect all of you to treat her with the same respect you would any other teammate."

He motioned for Josettè to step onto the ice and join the boys to which she did getting a few odd looks from the ones she didn't recognize but all smiles from Cole, Alex, Spencer and Jack. Trevor on the other hand was aggravated to say the least, how could Wroblewski let this happen let alone agree to having a girl on their boys team.

They had a whole woman's team just for that reason. He huffed turning to Jack "Are we seriously letting a girl on the team? That's what womens hockeys for Jack not our development team, why aren't you objecting to this shit? She's going to ruin our whole team dynamic she's toxic and a bitch can't you see that!? Am I the only one who's seeing this?" He whisper shouted.

Jack gave Trevor an exasperated deadpanned look "Trevor we've known her not even twenty four hours. I don't think you have the resources and facts to back up those last two statements. As for the first one yes, we are letting a girl on the team. If coach didn't think this was a good idea he would've had her be on the woman's team ever think she may be too good for them and we could actually learn some things from her? Just let it go you're making an ass out of yourself. Coles parents wouldn't let her stay if she was anything like that." He pointed out as Josettè crossed her arms and looked over at Trevor

"You know, for whispering you're extremly loud, so I'm sorry? Is you're precious pride and ego scared that you'll get outshown by a girl? Because let's be honest honeybun, you don't have a lot going for you. Except that you're meh semi okay at hockey. And trust me, I've delt with guys like you back in Everett didn't end well for them obviously since I'm here and they're not. Tragic, isn't it?" She said with a smirk just as coach John started talking again

"Alright guys, were gonna start with a one v one to test and see what we need to work on, with knight in the net and then we'll go from there. First up, Caufield and Turcotte the rest take the bench." John said as Josettè and the rest made their way to take their seats on the bench to watch the two go head to head Josettè sat down on the end of the bench only to have Trevor plop down next to her without a care glancing from his two friends on the ice over to Jossettè.

"You know Josie Posie if we get paired up you're gonna lose badly. It's gonna be embarrassing and I'm going to enjoy every minute of it." He said with a smirk Josettè chuckled shaking her head keeping her eyes on the two on the ice as they went head to head "You know, I make cold calculations about difficult situations, and I do not take on anything I know I won't win. And i know I will win this. You can bet on that Sweetheart"

Trevor huffed at the mocking sweetheart nickname. "Yeah right that's like trying to use a croissant as a fucking dildo. It doesn't do the job and it makes a fucking mess. So cut the shit Posie it's not happening. You won't beat me one on one" he said rolling his eyes as John conviently called her and Trevor up next.

Josettè stood up patting his cheek "don't cry when I wipe the floor with you then, like I said...you'd eat those words Zegras." She said grabbing her stick stepping on the ice she could here him muttering behind her as they both got in position in center ice as John dropped the puck Josettè was quick to win the face off taking the puck darting around Trevor and off towards Spencer.

She could hear Trevor coming up behind her and quickly moved to the right backtracking with the puck as Trevor had turned around and was coming towards her to try and get the puck away from her, she quickly looked between him and Spencer before aiming and winding up for her signature one timer before sending the puck straight through Trevor's legs & right through Spencer's as well leading to a perfect five hole goal.

She smirked at Trevor and smiled sheepishly at Spencer "sorry had to make a point to Zegras here." Spencer waved her off he was a bit shocked himself that she was able to make that goal so easily, Trevor looked at her and over to Spencer with a questioning look as if to ask his friend if he let the goal in purposely.

Spencer who shook his head in denial making Trevor turn back to Josettè a bit shocked but quickly covering it up with an aggravated questioning tone making a bigger deal out of it than needed be "Are you kidding me? You just made that five hole goal on Spencer of all people."

"What? Like it's hard?"

Josettè said with a shrug as she heard the boys whooping and hollering as she winked at Trevor skating backwards towards the bench fist bumping a few of the guys as they all started excitedly talking about what just happened.

Trevor was puzzled to say the least. He knew he'd get her to break or so he tbought he just had to find what made her tick and hit the nail on the head with it.

[doginshoe]

What You’d Do To Me Tonight

summary: Lucy had been in a blooming high school romance, but now that the love has wilted between her and her husband, she searches for a solace. However, she finds it in an already broken man that manages to set her alight in more ways then one. When her secrets spill, she finds her world begins to crumble from beneath her feet as the two men in her life torture her already broken heart.

contains mention of abuse

part 2

tagging those who wanted to read this!! @lovelyluce @shadyhydrathesnekqueen @jarofamethyst @millennial-star-gazer

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It was a Sunday when Lucy had shown up at Natsu’s door with a bottle of Johnnie Walker in her hand. The sun was setting and Jackal had left to the pokies where he probably wouldn’t return until sunrise. The man usually stumbling into the house at five in the morning and reeking of booze - Lucy always quiet when she passed the man who had collapsed onto the couch, not even making it to the bed, as she left for work.

She had been hiding in their bedroom since Thursday when he had struck her. Sitting there idle, or escaping in a book to avoid speaking to him. Yet, as she had heard the front door slamming closed and the screech of his car wheels, Lucy had sent the man who set her alight a quick text. Tonight she would lay with him again - drown herself in him to forget. The addiction called her in and she would get her fix.

Natsu grinned as he opened the door, his eyes meeting the beautiful blonde in her white sundress. However, the smile didn’t last long as his eyes soon widened when he saw the bottle of scotch.

“Lucy, what do-” he started, but she cut him off as she strode into his house and made her way to the kitchen. She left the bottle on the counter top as she then began to search through his cupboard, not looking far till she found the shot glasses on the top shelf.

He eyed her up and down as she popped the lid off and poured the brown liquid into the glass, a teasing smile creeping up on his face as she downed the alcohol - her eyes immediately squeezing shut as she grimaced.

“You know that shit is meant to be mixed, right?” he asked.

Lucy let out a gasp of air as the scotch finished burning her throat. “It’s stronger this way, and right now that’s all I care about.” Her brown eyes came back up to the pink haired man as he leaned on the opposite side of the bench, her response rising a chuckle from her friend.

“My, my,” Natsu began as he poured his own shot, “I never knew a lady like yourself would be acting in such a way.” He smirked as he copied her quirk to talk proper, causing the blonde to narrow her eyes at him. After he threw back the shot, his dark eyes peered down at her. “But that stuffs weak. If ya really wanna get smashed then you should have some of this.”

Natsu walked to his cabinet, opening up the doors to let Lucy see a wide variety of alcohol. There was fat bottles, some skinny, and only a few that she could name - the popular brands. He sifted through to the back where he pulled out a tall green bottle. The blonde peered at the label as Natsu continued to pull out another bottle, the writing reading Green Fairy in bold.

“This shit is fucking awful let me tell you.” Natsu placed the green bottle on the table alongside Sailors Vodka. “Though, I wouldn't recommend mixing the two together, but take your pick, Princess.”

Lucy grabbed the green bottle, her lips coming up into a questioning pout as she twisted off the cap. “So, together they’ll get me drunk?”

“Truly fucked,” he confirmed, his canines glinting at her as he grinned.

“Well, I guess I’m gonna be fucked then,” she sighed as she then took the Sailors Vodka as well and poured them both into the glass.

“You sure you want to do this?”

“Absolutely.”

Lucy made a nervous smile as she brought the glass to her lips then without a second thought, she downed the concoction, before she was bent over in a fit of coughing - her mouth salivating as it tried to soothe the sting of the burn. Natsu let out a bellow of laughter.

She barely heard him as she pushed herself to the sink and spat, quickly washing her mouth with water as Natsu turned on the tap.

“Fucking hell, Lucy,” he nearly cried as he rubbed her back, the blonde spitting the water back into the sink, “And ta think I thought you were the smart one.”

Her brown eyes came up to glare at him as she wiped her mouth. “You could’ve given me a warning,” she growled as she stood back up, her tongue still tingling from the lingering alcohol.

“I did!” he laughed, “And it’s not my fault if you couldn’t handle it.”

Lucy stared him down before the bottles on the bench caught her eye. “It’s your turn.”

“Yeah.” Natsu scoffed as he rolled his eyes. “You really think that I-”

But Lucy was already whispering under her breath, “Pussy..” and that was all it took before Natsu was raising the glass with the same death drink to his chapped lips for a small sip. His eyes nearly bugged as he immediately choked.

  “Oh.” Lucy smirked. “It seems someone else can’t handle their liquor either, huh?”

Natsu gave her his own dirty look as an argument was already leaving his lips, “It went down the wrong hole and you know it!”

“Bottoms up then, Dragneel,” Lucy grinned, her voice holding that teasing lilt that made his eyebrows narrow and the fires of a challenge light in his eyes.

He tipped the glass down before she could blink.

“Let’s try it again,” Natsu stated as he turned back to his shelf of alcohol, “but this time with something absolutely toxic.” He grabbed bottles left and right before returning to her, the fire truly raging as he mixed this and that with a little bit of something else.

“Whoever pussies out first has to give the other fifty bucks.”

Lucy eyed him as he handed her the shot of several different alcoholic drinks.

He raised a brow as she hesitated, the beginnings of a smirk pulling at the side of his lips. Lucy didn’t care about losing some cash but giving bragging rights to Natsu Dragneel? Never would she let herself see the day, and so she took the shot from him.

“Deal.”

That’s what lead them on the downward spiral.

It didn’t take long for the giggles to kick in. Their voices no longer inside one's as they began to put each in hysterics - mainly Lucy as she listened to him tell his work stories with his friend Gray. She couldn’t believe that two people could be so close yet despise being in each others presence.

Though, the drinking game was forgotten when Natsu turned on the stereo. He took Lucy by the hand and shook her so hard she thought she might puke. It wasn’t like any music she was used to, the way Natsu made her body - the twist and turns feeling awkward. Yet, he didn’t seem to mind her stiff moves and only laughed as she nearly collapsed on his dingy couch.

Rock n Roll was not something she was used to, but she liked it - like most things she found with Natsu. He was so far from her world. She had never even seen a house that was so small when she first came home with him. He didn’t work a nine to five or even drive a real car. He had tattoos that had no reason and were placed hazardously around his body. However, she didn’t mind. The way he lived…  It was enthralling. Lucy guessed that’s why she was so drawn to him.

He was freedom, whereas she had always been stuck in a cage.

It wasn’t until hours later when a different sort of tune played that they finally slowed down.

“Johnny Cash? Seriously? My dad used to listen to this stuff,” Lucy asked as she plopped down beside him, lazily leaning into his side as she tried to stop her spinning head.

“What?” Natsu seemed surprised as his eyes drifted down to the top of her blonde head. “You’re telling me you don’t like it?”

Lucy turned, her big brown eyes shining and hazy whilst she pursed her lips and listened to the familiar tune of the song. It wasn’t one that her father played often, but she still knew it.

“I don’t know. It’s a little sad.” She answered truthfully and Natsu was shaking his head as he stood up again from the couch. Lucy blinked at him, but he only stuck his hand out for her to take.

It only took her a second before she placed her hand in his.

“I suppose you’re right,” Natsu stated as he pulled her close to him, “But that doesn’t mean it isn’t a beautiful song. I mean, come on-”

He grabbed her waist as he interlaced their fingers, slowly swaying their bodies as he stared into her eyes.

“Natsu!”

“You are my sunshine,” Natsu sung as a grin made its way up his lips, “My only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey.” He moved their hands as they took wobbly steps around his living room, which Lucy assumed was meant to be some type of slow dance. Their gazes were locked as he sang the lyrics and she couldn’t help her own smile that pulled it’s way up her lips, or the pink blush that started to rise in her cheeks.

“You’ll know dear how much I love you.” His voice was rough and deep. The words falling from his lips easily and practiced. She couldn’t help herself as she leaned closer to him and their movements slowed to soft rocking back and forth. Natsu did the same, his dark eyes showing flecks of green as they got closer and closer. His hand released hers and brought it to push her long blonde hair from her face and Lucy couldn’t help the itch of anticipation in her stomach as he brought his lips down to hers. She closed her eyes.

“Please, don’t take my sunshine awa- Lucy?”

He paused and her eyes fluttered open.

Natsu’s eyes weren’t on her own anymore. Instead they were drawn downwards towards her upper arm - where her hair usually fell past her shoulders. She already knew what he was looking at before he asked his question and she could barely keep down the panic that was rising in her chest.

“What is that? A bruise?” His fingers left her hair and grabbed her arm softly, carefully inspecting the faded yellow bruising on her skin. “What happened?”

Lucy was already shaking her head. “It’s nothing. Just bumped into the door frame.”

“Lucy, that’s a...”

Handprint.

She knew what he was going to say. She knew that he would recognise it for what it really was. Yet, she still lied. It wasn’t like she could actually tell him the truth. As far as Natsu knew she was single - she didn’t have anyone else in her life and that’s why started what they had. To make up for the lack of intimacy in both their lives.

He didn’t know that she was married. He didn’t know that her husband hit her. He didn’t know that the real reason she visited him was to forget.

Her eyes turned from his concerned one's, his mouth in a firm line as he watched her carefully. She had to get out of here.

“It’s late,” Lucy started and her eyes unconsciously flickered to the clock on the wall. “I should probably get home.”

Natsu blinked and he dropped her arm quickly. “Uh, y-yeah.”

She grabbed her bag before she made her way to the door with Natsu’s eyes on her the entire time, his face morphed into something perplexed that Lucy was too scared to decipher. Her hands shook slightly by her sides and she didn’t realise she was holding her breath as her hand reached for the door knob, her fingers seconds away from opening up her escape.

“You can tell me anything. You know that. Don’t you, Lucy?”

Her entire body froze at his words - her hand stilling.

“Lucy?”

She turned her head, a forced smile making its way up her lips before she met his gaze. “Aw, come on, Natsu. What ever happened to leaving feelings out of this, hm?” She winked before she turned back and didn’t waste any time as she flung the front door open.

Lucy already had a foot out the door as he scoffed. “Right.”

Yet, she didn’t turn around and she kept walking until she got to her car where she started it up and reversed out of his driveway. It wasn’t until she pulled up in front of her own house, when she turned off the ignition and looking at herself in the rear view mirror that Lucy screamed, her head falling on the steering wheel as sobs wracked her body.