#Like the total opposite audience of cheap beer too

[spraklecat]

dylan mulvaney just reeks of plant, these product promos are so absurd someone HAS to be trying to stir controversy to hide something bigger

[leverage-commentary]

Leverage Season 2, Episode 8, The Ice Man Job, Audio Commentary Transcript

Christine: Hello, I'm Christine Boylan, Writer on this episode.

Jeremiah: Jerimiah Chechik, I directed this.

John: John Rodgers, Executive Producer.

Chris: Chris Downey, Executive Producer, and this is The Ice Man Job.

John: The Ice Man Job was- where did The Ice Man Job come from, Boylan?

Christine: Like all great ideas, Albert brought this into the room obsessed with a certain heist. 

John: The Antwerp diamond heist.

Christine: The Antwerp diamond heist. And we just tore the article apart, and we all tried to figure out, you know, what was gonna happen, and what was gonna happen in our version of it.

John: See the thing is, when you write a con and heist show that goes past even 10 episodes, you are now one of the longest running con and heist shows on earth. So as soon as a new diamond heist article hit, we attacked it like piranhas. 

Christine: Absolutely.

John: Jeremiah, what was it like shooting Russians stealing stuff in the middle of Portland? Cause this is the middle of the freaking street, middle of the day.

Jeremiah: It was pretty easy.

John: Yeah?

[Laughter]

Jeremiah: I could really do this all day. I think the fun of it was the bridge.

John: Yeah?

Jeremiah: Which kind of kept a lid on the composition, and we found a wonderful driver who is in this scene.

John: Vince Valenzuela.

Jeremiah: And he is a stand up, as you've said.

John: He’s a stand up. I had totally forgotten, Vince and I had worked together for 15 years ago- 20 years ago doing stand up in Seattle.

Jeremiah: He lives in Portland, he came in, killed the audition, and in this particular scene, I just love that he just slipped into that Bostonian sensitiblity and just really sold it to me. I loved it, and-

John: We had a lot of good vics this year. We had a lot of good vics this year.

Christine: Yeah, we did.

John: And that was mostly the Portland talent base.

Chris: I would say, yeah, always.

Christine: Absolutely.

Chris: Now Jeremiah did you- was there any movies that you looked at or anything you wanted to get for the feel of this episode?

Jeremiah: No, I didn't want anything to influence me at work; I like to come clean.

[Laughter]

John: He's a tabula rasa, he just takes a ton of peyote and channels the muse.

Jeremiah: I meditate for a week before and then I just go and do it. Rarely do I even read the script.

John: I know that.

Christine: Oh, I know.

John: He just knows who’s in the scene. He has a rough idea how to shoot it.

Jeremiah: But in this case, I actually did, because the script was really very very fun. It was quite clever and anyone who has seen this episode knows. And if you haven't seen it, then you shouldn't be listening to me, you should be watching the episode.

John: Should go watch the episode.

Chris: You're already gonna be lost. 

John: No idea.

Christine: This is another one of those great episodes that every single one of us had a hand in. 

John: Yes. Everybody has something.

Christine: Everybody has something- some gem in here.

John: And that was a nice bit with the glass. This is the first episode Sophie's gone-

Jeremiah: This is Elijah’s? cup.

John: Yes this is Elijah's cup. I'm Irish, I kind of know what that is. This was the first episode where Sophie was gone. This was originally gonna be the winter season opener, with the idea that she'd been gone for awhile. And we were really faced with the idea- we wanted to keep Gina and Sophie as a character present, and so that's where the subplot to this came up, the idea that what happens when we’re a man down? Because this is something we faced in the writers room - what are we gonna do when we’re a man down?

Christine: Absolutely.

Chris: Well this one kind of is a piece with 3 Days of the Hunter Job where we have- since Sophie's gone, people have to shift into different roles and that's really- we couldn't really break this episode until we came up with that. What’s-

Jeremiah: Excuse me, can we talk about me now?

[Laughter]

John: Yes.

Chris: I threw it to it you about the influences. You didn’t want to-

John: You didn’t want to talk about it! Do I need to get you more scotch? Is that it?

Jeremiah: Yeah.

Christine: You were influenced by the drinks of the Thai restaurant.

[Laughter]

Jeremiah: I like the dynamic of Christian and Beth in this, being petulant children.

John: Yes.

Jeremiah: Always fun to do.

John: They really fell into a brother/sister vibe this year and it really paid off; it’s a lot of fun. And the gemological institute was nice enough to help us with this.

Christine: Those guys are fantastic. We had a great-

Jeremiah: Didn't we win some award from the gemological institute?

Christine: They were definitely pleased. We got their blessings and then some.

Jeremiah: Best presentation of jewels in a television drama.

John: There’s valuable lessons for those kids out there writing the spec scripts. People like to talk about their jobs.

Christine: Research.

John: Because really, this has got a lot of really fine detail in it and the- this is- Beth is about to introduce the plot point: diamonds are registered. And not even just big diamonds are registered. They have, essentially serial numbers, on them and you called the GIA and you found out the size. They sent us a lot of information, exactly how it's done, how it’s inscribed. 

Christine: Answered every question we had - really were terrific.

Chris: We’ve got beer koozies from the GIA now, we’ve got letterman jackets.

Jeremiah: You know my aren’t, but I just implied blood diamonds.

John: You just implied- really.

Jeremiah: I really gotta trade up.

Christine: This is- a lot of the registration is to combat the whole blood diamond issue.

John: Yeah. And that was-when we were writing this, for a while the first act was all about getting the certificates, and then it was just easier- and it was interesting because Chris was actually out of town. He came back, we were explaining the episode with all the certificates and stuff and then I said - it’s like filing the vin number off your car. And you were, ‘that’s it! I get that! That's-’ I was like, ‘Oh, alright.

Jeremiah: But I bet you didn't know years and years ago I did a big commercial for De Beers where they flew me to London and I walked through those vaults. 

John: Really?

Christine: Wow.

Jeremiah: Where I realized diamonds don't have any real intrinsic value at all.

John: No they do not, sir.

Jeremiah: There are more diamonds than anything. More diamonds than atoms.

[Laughter]

John: It's a manipulation of perceived value. No, it’s very-

Jeremiah: Well sold.

John: Yeah, exactly. Now this is interesting. ‘Yes! I get to be the con man’. What- how did we wind up with assigning these roles? I’m trying to remember the logic we fell on? I think we wanted to sort of pay off Aldis- Hardison always tends to go too far.

Christine: Right and also Parker playing the inside here, she knows so much more about the product than anyone else.

Chris: It was also a product of - we wanted to figure out why we would get our team of thieves breaking into a vault.

John: Yes.

Chris: That was really the thing that stymied the episode was, we had a great idea behind this which was this diamond heist, but why would our team of robin hood thieves do that? And ultimately what we figured out was if one of them was being forced to do it, and they would have to break in ahead-

John: Then we were like alright, is Maggie being held hostage? And the thing is- I personally, and this is a really irrational thing, I hate hostage episodes. I despise them. They're a cheap manipulative trick. And so really trying to find the most interesting way to do, which was Aldis being grabbed in the middle of the episode because he had gone over; that at least felt motivated.

Christine: But being grabbed and used, he wasn't just like held in a room.

John: Exactly.

Chris: I don’t know if-

Jeremiah: So Die Hard is that one of the movies-?

[Laughter]

Chris: Apparently he doesn’t.

John: No, now you know why? Because she's actually got an agenda in that movie.

Jeremiah: They're hostages!

John: They're hostages, but you know what? I think in TV- in a movie it's viable, in a TV it’s not because, you know-

Chris: You're saying you think it’s schmuck bait.

John: Exactly its schmuck bait. In American TV you're not gonna kill off-

Chris: We can’t keep arguing about this during this shot.

Jeremiah: I really loved shooting this.

Chris: This is a really incredible shot.

Jeremiah: Yes I-

John: It's not bad.

[Laughter]

Chris: Talk to us about this shot.

Jeremiah: I planned this shot. I planned this shot. And how I planned it was I was gonna shoot her in slow motion. This is another shot that was very complicated. I'm always very competitive with Dean Devlin, when he directs, about how many of these moves I can do in a piece. I felt I was reasonably successful here.

Chris: Boy is she just stunning here.

Christine: Gary Camp, our operator, doing heros work again, right here.

John: Just the sort of mantra ‘shut up, trust.’ What's interesting-

Christine: ‘Trust the diamond.’

John: This mantra she's saying is actually the opposite of how Hardison plays this con. We’re actually laying in for the audience here how and why Hardison's gonna wind up screwing up. It's also- now this actor is-

Christine: Sal Xuereb. Fantastic.

John: Great job. I like that he looks at the diamond first, you know.

Jeremiah: And you can't help but look at that diamond.

Chris: Yeah, no it- yeah.

[Laughter]

John: Everyone’s a little hypnotized by Beth Riesgraf. 

Chris: I’m a little hypnotized by her right now.

John: Well, you know, because she tomboys every episode. Every episode she's in the Nikes.

Jeremiah: That’s why it's nice to dress her up, and she felt great doing this, and she had a great time doing this. And what I liked about it, I got to walk to the set; that was one of my memorable moments here. I was close to the hotel. That's everything.

John: That is everything. That's how you decide how to take gigs, is whether you can walk to set or not.

Christine: That was a nice morning.

John: And Portland giving us great locations.That bridge, the street- shooting that scene in LA, we would’ve snapped our own necks.

Jeremiah: We’d still be shooting.

John: We'd still be shooting. Portland, yet again, coming through.

Jeremiah: This is good. I like the french reverses that I do here. It’s a style-

John: What is a french reverse my friend?

Jeremiah: It's not a direct over, it’s an indirect over, a left side over.

John: I trust that. and this is-

Jeremiah: This is where we feel his Cockney accent, which he worked so well, and I had to really back him out so we could understand him.

Christine: He was too good.

John: Who was our vocal coach up there?

Chris: It was- what, Mary- Mary Mack is her name.

John: Yeah, Mary Mack.

Christine: Mary McDonald.

Jeremiah: Insert edit here.

John: Mary McDonald and she worked with us for the accents all the way through Gina, Aldis, everything; it was a lot of fun.

Jeremiah: Pasha Lychnikoff playing a Russian, which was not a stretch.

John: Not a big stretch.

Christine: Nice and easy for him.

Chris: The accent you had to write this [sounds like: petoir], what did you do?

Christine: My favorite thing beside speeches is writing in accents.

Chris: Now how did you do that? Cause they were hilarious.

John: Now hold on, I'm going to get Jerimiah scotch cause he's out of Guinness.

Christine: Oh here we go, we’re pouring scotch.

John: Don't get that on the soundboard.

Jeremiah: Fight, fight.

Christine: I did it with pleasure. 

Chris: Where did you find it?

Christine: You know, there is a lot of things I find difficult like plot and story, but things I find fairly easy-

Chris: But I mean, did you go on the web, were you going and looking at clips?

Christine: I've been an anglophile since I was a kid.

Chris: So this is all-

Jeremiah: Character and story are your weakest points-

Christine: Are my weakest points, you know that.

Chris: So all the-

John: Why am I bringing you back next year?

Christine: I don't know, are you? I don’t know what’s happening.

Jeremiah: You didn't say that about me, though.

Chris: So all the jargon and stuff you knew.

Christine: Yeah, this was a lot of watching a lot of Guy Ritchie movies, watching a lot of- just the usual sort of British television that I enjoy and a lot of the Brit movies that I like.

Jeremiah: This was reasonably complicated to stage, because there are so many people in this scene and-

John: Yeah, you're shooting 6 people in there.

Jeremiah: Yeah, identifying the coverage, exactly what beats to shoot, was a bit of a trick in that it’s a pretty dark place, and I had to use their, kind of, blocking to move them in and out of the light.

Chris: And to orient the geography so the audience knows where everybody is.

Jeremiah: Yeah. Especially me.

John: I like that nice little, subtle beat she does as he lists her crimes.

Christine: And that she gets more and more-

John: More and more frustrated and he can tell that she's pissed off. 

Christine: Oh, she’s brilliant.

John: Where did the mute Eliot bit come from? Was that was Dirty Rotten Scoundrels? I think that was the-

Christine: I don't know, I thought that was just shutting him up. It could've been Dirty Rotten Scoundrels unconscious reference there.

Chris: I think it was general- we wanted him to get under their skin.

John: Yeah.

Christine: Hubris.

John: The whole premise of this episode was, what is the most asshole-ish stuff that Aldis can do? You can swear on these, by the way, the most asshole-ish stuff that Aldis- that Hardison could do.

Jeremiah: Can you say fuck on theses things?

John: Sure. Just don't do it unnecessarily, like in a fake prerogative it's alright.

[Laughter]

Christine: Fucking what?

John: That's good. Oh hey mom, I hope you’re enjoying the commentary.

Christine: My moms heard that.

John: And this is, sort of, the hook and the push. This is- he's- the trick to, and Apollo is very clear about this, the trick to a lot of these cons, is convincing the guy he doesn't want it the first time around.

Christine: You have to refuse.

John: You have to refuse, exactly. And you know, then put pressure on the guy that he winds up coming back to you, so it's his idea when it actually hooks.

Jeremiah: Pasha, knowing better, takes a little bit of the bait for later.

John: And this is great. We actually managed to hit this pretty well, she's gonna- Parker’s got a habit of picking locks when she's annoyed or nervous.

Chris: Yes.

Christine: That's the first part of this.

Jeremiah: This is a very cute little high school bit of business between the boys and- 

John: Nice rack focus there; bouncing back and forth.

Christine: This is Nate doing exactly what John Rogers does in the room.

John: What's that?

Christine: When you walk in, and you've stood outside so you've heard what we’re talking about. 

John: I don't stand outside, you’re just very loud and I hear what you're saying.

Christine: And then you just walk in, and start in on the conversation, ‘Huh, what?’

John: Do I have the same magnificent presence as Tim Hutton when I do it?

Christine: I would like to- well, no.  Sadly, no.

[Laughter]

Chris: Gives the scene a little energy to have somebody enter.

Christine: Absolutely, it’s great.

Jeremiah: ‘Not. Gonna. Help.’

[Laughter]

Jeremiah: And I remember being very specific about this.

Christine: I love this shot.

Jeremiah: With this piece of direction, period, full stop, each word-

John: Each word, land it.

Jeremiah: Take a beat. I think Christian said, ‘No, I'm just gonna say not gonna help.’ ‘No.’

Chris: Now shooting- talk about- talk about shooting through this.

Jeremiah: I shot this in a reflection; this is all reflected.

Christine: In the jewelry store.

Chris: How is that difficult?

Jeremiah: Because it’s a semi-silvered mirror and I put it off-axis and avoided seeing myself. 

John: Nicely done. 

Chris: That’s great.

John: And that's planting the fact that this is a security guard who shows up later.

Jeremiah: And it's a jewelry store, and all in one iconic image.

John: Yeah, it all moves along very quickly. I don't know why Tim chose to do this as- cause he's playing Sterling in this. And he's chosen Sterling, and he's not really doing Mark Sheppard, I think, just more sort of doing the impression of Mark Sheppard that- the impression of Sterling that Nate would do at like the Christmas party at IYS to piss him off.

Christine: Absolutely.

Jeremiah: In fact, I had that exact conversation.

John: Yes, I'd like to know the motivation.

Jeremiah: Because I said, ‘Are you playing Mark? Or are you playing a fictitious character that you are inventing?’ ‘The latter.’

John: Oh.

Jeremiah:  And he was very consciously making that decision. He was not gonna play Mark. He was gonna invent a character that he felt was more appropriate to deliver the kind of bait. 

John: Yeah, and this is kind of a fun-

Jeremiah: I think it was right, by the way.

John: Yeah, it was right. It's also a fun recurring bit with Nate Ford's character development this year - he’s a jerk. Nate Ford enjoys screwing with people. Now that he's sober, he's an unpleasant human being and he really does- like in the episode right after this, Papadakolis, Tim loves playing Nate when Nate is playing just that really manipulative jerk.

Jeremiah: And the question is: is Mark’s character becoming more likable?

John: Yeah, possibly.

Jeremiah: And there you go.

John: And there you go. And this was interesting, because we wanted to make everybody check in with Sophie, and- but Eliot would never ask for help.

Christine: He's the only one not asking for help.

John: And that was a big deal, was the fact that instead he's just like, ‘I'm going to kill these people. Please come back.’

Christine: Yeah, he doesn't want to change roles.

John: No, he's happy!

Christine: He wants to do his job.

John: ‘My job was to get punched and kicked.That's my job,’ as he says in 206. This was a lot of fun, clearing people out. 

Christine: That’s hilarious.

John: This is actually based on that story when I worked on that gas pipeline. Remember in that high school? I worked on a gas pipeline in my 20s when I quit university for a while, and we were looking- investigating a gas leak, came around the corner and found high school students smoking. Because it was out of line of sight of the principal office. In the middle of a gas leak. So we basically did this, we just like wearing these masks were in full respirators and were like, ‘Get the fuck out, you’re gonna kill us all!’

Jeremiah: I thought the art department really overdid it on that piece of cotton.

Chris: It's a little bit over the top, but you know, it works.

John: A little bit.

Jeremiah: But again, as we say, we’re on the fun train here. 

John: We’re on the fun train.

Jeremiah: Whatever it takes.

Chris: And did Marc Roskin do this?

Jeremiah: Yeah, he shot- we were so pressed for time, this scene was done while I was shooting the-

John: The vault? Or the van?

Jeremiah: No, the robbery.

John: There you go. It's always fun- by the way, if you're writing your con or heist show, dropping the jumpsuit to reveal the sexy outfits-

Jeremiah: Always a good-

Christine: Never hurts.

John: Have that tool, have that screwdriver in your toolbox.

Jeremiah: It's always good, even in a hostage show. You can use it.

Chris: What was this place?

Jeremiah: It improves it.

John: ‘Oh no, he might die.’ He's not gonna die!

[Laughter]

Christine: This is a lab facility.

Chris: It is a lab, OK.

Jeremiah: It’s a real facility, they actually etch information on acorns. 

[Laughter]

John: Really? 

Jeremiah: Yeah.

John: Is that big?

Jeremiah: It’s huge. It will be!

John: It will be, there you go. It's a big industry.

Jeremiah: Advertising on grains of rice.

John: Wow, there you go.

Christine: We just gotta give Nadine a nod for the costumes in here, they were really brilliant. 

John: Yes, they’re very nice.

Christine: Everybody's outfits were terrific.

John: Why did we name the laser? I can't remember that.

Christine: Glinda. I don't know.

John: I don't remember who came up with it. 

Christine: I can’t remember who came up with that.

John: Cause it feels like an improv; I don’t remember that in the script.

Christine: I feel like that was you. Because most of the other Cockney stuff I wrote, but Glinda did not come from me.

John: I think it was an improv.

Christine: Could be Aldis. He’s hilarious, by the way.

John: Cause remember I was working on the next, the 209- 210 with you when you guys, so I really just bombed in for the heist, for a bunch of the det cord stuff, and solving a lot of the heist problems. I like heist problems. Now how difficult was this?

Jeremiah: This was not difficult in that it just took a while of second-unit- you know, we were shooting inserts, and that machine was, it actually- I know I'm giving too much away, it actually did not laser diamonds.

John: What? They don't use the same laser on acorns they use on diamonds?

[Laughter]

Christine: You're kidding me - that's a laser, look at that!

John: That’s madness! That clearly looks like a laser.

Jeremiah: I'm wrong! I'm wrong! I'm watching TV, and I stand corrected.

John: By the way, that's a great visual effect. That looked really nice, with a little bit of mist off it. 

Chris: That looked really great.

John: Beautiful lift, nice pass.

Jeremiah: The handoff.

Christine: These two could live a life of crime. 

John: They could, they could. Very nice hands. And now the sale.

Jeremiah: Beth does the, kind of, blank look very well.

John: Yes, she does.

Chris: This is a great shot, too. That's a beautiful shot.

John: You like an inside shot, whenever you're shooting a piece of machinery like that.

Chris: Microwave oven from inside, I love it.

John: Fridge- like a good inside the fridge shot.

Chris: Like a good fridge shot.

Jeremiah: What about shoes?

Chris: I have not done shoes.

John: Why would you shoot shoes? That’s madness, just a foot coming at you. Here. 

[Glass Clinks]

John: You’re 21 years old, you could have sex with this scotch in every state in the union.

Christine: It’s legal. By the way, I did wait until we were on set to have- to tell Aldis, ‘When you're walking, can you just say, “The Ice Man cometh”? And he did and I was the happiest girl in the world.

[Laughter]

Jeremiah: He didn't know what it meant, though.

Christine: He’s young. 

John: That is a very 70’s look, that is really Chris rocking the Life On Mars look there.

Christine: Seriously, right?

Chris: The mod squad right there.

John: There's the mod squad! Right there! 

Christine: The mod squad shot.

John: Why aren't they running down a storm drain?

Chris: That's a beautiful car, too.

Christine: Wow.

John: I think you can actually see, though, people watching the shooting in the top floor. I think we kind of missed them that day.

Christine: Didn't Aldis learn how to drive that car in like 5 minutes? It's a stick, right?

John: Well if you remember correctly, if you watch the first season DVD, The Bank Shot Job was the first episode we shot, and he didn't know how to drive a stick and the van was a stick. So the first time the van starts to peel out it [coughs] just rolls away. But it-

Jeremiah: I like not seeing it, and then the car is there.

John: There's a nice locked off comedy frame right there.

Jeremiah: I like that.

John: You’ve could’ve made that- we've done some abductions and really, unless there's a fight or something, you wanna, you know- 

Jeremiah: I actually really enjoyed shooting this scene, which was in the most grotesque environment ever, but- 

Christine: We were close to death.

John: Really? What was wrong with it?

Jeremiah: It was the basement of a pulp and paper mill and-

John: Oh boy. There were union organizers buried in the floor, you know that. There's some rabble rousing communists from the 30’s in the cement.

Jeremiah: And Pasha is always good. He's- first of all he's a lovely person, but- he may have changed by the time this DVD is released, but when-

John: I don’t think things have gone horribly wrong.

Jeremiah: But this is a- I love this shot.

John: This, by the way, is kind of an homage to a running joke we have in the show, which is- this is in theory downstairs or back- the back rooms of the night club they were in, right?

Christine: The Russian club.

John: And there was a- there is a trope in espionage and spy movies of that moment and Chris and I used to do this sound effect, which is you know the deal that's going on in the back of the Russian bar. Which is, you know, just the sound in the background of, you know [imitating bass-heavy club music] ‘uhn ch uhn ch uhn ch’ and then the guy opens the door [louder] ‘uhn ch uhn ch uhn ch’ and then the door closes again, [quieter] ‘uhn ch uhn ch’ I don’t have the plutonium ‘uhn ch’.

Jeremiah: I love that; that’s well performed.

Chris: See almost every episode of Alias.

John: Almost every episode of Alias there's the uhn-ch uhn-ch in the background. 

Christine: She walks through the club - she walks all the way.

Chis: She walks through the club with the ‘uhn ch uhn ch’.

Jeremiah: You have to walk through the club to designate that you are a hip show.

Christine: That’s right, that’s why we walk through the club.

Jeremiah: You know what I mean, if you just cut to the back-

Chris: I'm gonna say, 25th Hour is another movie, there's an ‘uhn ch uhn ch’.

Jeremiah: Oh forever.

John: That's a good blog post is: the top ten ‘uhn ch uhn ch’ scenes.

[Laughter]

Chris: Top 10 uhn ch uhn ch scenes.

Christine: You have to write that.

Jeremiah: Aldis’ phone call here is kind of fun, it's very nice.

John: It’s a ton of fun.

Christine: ‘What accent is that?’

Jeremiah: This is England, this is how I see England.

John: It's rainy and there's cabs.

Jeremiah: And, you know, we actually got caviar for him and I wanted it so bad.

Christine: He loves it, he loves caviar. We had a nice chat about it.

John: I love that Sophie basically, ‘As long as you're not in the current parenthesis (situation you're in) you're fine. I can absolutely get you out of there.’

Christine: I’m a fan of that construction whenever we can use it.

Jeremiah: ‘As long as it's nothing to do with Russians.’

John: Exactly. And this is the fact that she's- again, we talked about this on the other commentaries, every now and then this turns into the detective show where you showcase people that are criminals that in theory- part of their skills is they can put together information very quickly, and Sophie pretty much knows exactly what’s going on the second-

Jeremiah: Even before it happens.

John: Really as soon as Hardison calls.

Christine: The tone of his voice and his failed accent, she can discern the entire thing.

John: Yeah, exactly. And there's a gun on the table. This is the bad day.

Christine: Not his best day.

John: And now the call for help and to take-

Jeremiah: I'm happy with the staging and cinema of this scene.

John: It’s beautiful. Is this also in the pulp and paper mill?

Christine: Yes it is. Oh, breathing that in was wonderful.

Jeremiah: It was a delight.

Chris: Oh wow, look at that. Couldn't ask for more smoke, could you? I mean...

Christine: I had a little mask and one of the crew members said, ‘Don’t use that.’

Jeremiah: It’s funny you said that, I did ask for more smoke.

John: And now this is the-

Chris: The beautiful thing here, is the camera constantly moving swooping around- 

Jeremiah: Well I always felt that that is one of the, kind of, operative iconic themes, visually, of the show, and really trying to keep it moving all the time. But not to upstage the actors, I’m always careful never to say, ‘Hey, camera, where are you going with that scene?’ I really do try to- sometimes I fail, but often I succeed.

Christine: It supports them, the way you reveal Parker in that last bit, it really-

John: That's another thing we did this year a lot, which is we never see Parker come in or out of a room.

Christine: She just appears.

John: She's just always there somehow.

Christine: Like a genie.

John: And the- this is competence porn. This is them basically brainstorming- this was the fun of the episode. We had to come up with a heist that wouldn't work, then come up with a heist that did work, but the key to that heist was somehow making the heist that wouldn't work, work.

Chris: Making the failing element of the other heist the key to success.

John: A lot of index cards on the wall that day.

Christine: So many.

John: A lot of stuff.

Jeremiah: This is more than my favorite moments, visually anyway.

John: Yeah, it's really nice; it’s very creepy, you know.

Christine: It really is.

Jeremiah: It’s very-

John: We don't usually see guns on our guys, is the thing.

Christine: Nope.

Jeremiah: Well I wasn't looking at the gun, I was looking at the elegance of the rotation.

John: Well I'm saying the elegance of the rotation, the beautiful light around a very dark moment-

Chris: And the light and the dark on his face.

Jeremiah: It was poetically dangerous.

John: Exactly. It really- it brought home the- 

Jeremiah: Entertainment value.

John: I was gonna say menace.

Jeremiah: That too.

John: The vertigo.

Jeremiah: Always love those shots.

John: And another recurring thing, when Hardison’s gone, no one knows how to use the computer.

Chris: Yeah.

Christine: Can’t even check email.

Jeremiah: Which is why I put them on the little computer because I thought it was more manageable than the big computer.

John: Yeah, it is absolutely a great choice. Also that space over the course of the season became the family space.

Jeremiah: I like that space.

Christine: Yes. That's not the computer space, that's the brother/sister-

John: That's the family- family arguments happen around that counter.

Chris: Well you've already- by this point in the episode, you've already been at the briefing so you kinda want to be at another part of the set.

John: It's also great that-

Jeremiah: Guess what kind of store this is?

[Laughter]

Chris: Pork store?

John: Pan up from jewelry to pork?

Jeremiah: Butcher?

Christine: Butcher?

Jeremiah: Cheese shop? No, it’s a diamond shop.

John: I love the fact that Parker gives Nate the hair spray with the implicit understanding that Nate will know what to do with that. And this is part of the fun and this was-

Jeremiah: Also, I love the way she does it without looking at him.

John: Yeah, she knows he’ll take it. What's a lot of fun here, is the- is Nate kind of playing a corrupt version of himself, and really getting to do the- you want more scotch? Alright there you go, alright hold on. [Moves away from mic.]

Jeremiah: Yeah.

John: Really getting to make fun of the guy he used to be, and that's one of the themes of the season, which is Nate Ford's identity-

Christine: And using Sterling, too, to distance himself.

Jeremiah: Notice the receding vocal quality of John's voice.

Chris: Scotch in the back of-

John: Getting more scotch.

Christine: Uhn ch uhn ch.

Jeremiah: Uhn ch uhn ch.

[Laughter]

John: Careful, there you go.

Christine: So he's playing the corrupt version of Nate, and using Jim Sterling's name to distance himself from it.

Jeremiah: This is a vault, this is a very very important kind of- this is the vault, this is how hard it is-

John: You're setting the specs.

Chris: Did we build this? What is this?

Christine: No, this is a vault.

Chris: This is a vault.

Jeremiah: Real vault.

John: That door- getting to her to swing on that door, you're not just gonna build one of those.

Christine: It was fun to be in the vault.

John: And this is, again, the fun of the construction, which is we now must make seem utterly impossible and then solve it.

Jeremiah: Those two shots where they were almost looking at the camera.

John: Yeah. That's- we don't usually do that. Why that choice?

Jeremiah: It was a conceit.

John: A conceited choice or just a conceit?

[Laughter]

Jeremiah: Both. It was hard to do both at the same time, that was one example.

John: This is, by the way, I like to say this is kind of elegant, because a lot of shorthand in both  movies and television would just have them take you through the schematics on the computer, or show a film or something like that. Having a guy do the tour with a goal, with a character is-

Jeremiah: I think it's very important to do that since we revisit later in a whole different way. 

John: Exactly.

Chris: Right.

Christine: Yup.

Jeremiah: And, you know, I particularly like the way we, kind of, solve the vault problem visually, too. I mean it feels real, it feels solid.

John: And all the security in here is real, I mean, including the fogger, which you were obsessed with. You love the fogger.

Chris: I love the fogger.

John: Calling the security expert you were checking up on.

Chris: This was pre-production, it was ‘Let's just see what's out there in terms of vault security.’ And the guy told me, ‘Oh, you know about the fogger, don't you?’

John: ‘No, tell me more.’

Chris: And I think I said the link with the description of the fog, I think ended up verbatim in the script. What the fog’s made out of.

Christine: Absolutely.

Chris: I think when we were doing pre-production, I made a point to say to Jeremiah, ‘It’s not Batman fog, it's gotta be like thick fog.’

Jeremiah: I mean, if it wasn't fog, it'd be foam.

[Laughter]

John: Foam? Oh. I wish we’d filled the place with foam, my god that'd be great.

Jeremiah: They do on [unintelligible]. They have rooms that, if you breach, it fills with foam in less than 2 seconds.

John: What does the foam do?

Jeremiah: Suffocates you.

Christine: Really?

Chris: Wow.

John: That's cool.

Jeremiah: Not if you're a terrorist.

John: Oh, there you go.

Jeremiah: Or somebody who accidentally enters the wrong office.

John: Yeah I know, Jesus.

Chris: Wow, we got to work that-

John: I don't want that.

Chris: Foam next year? Can we do foam?

John: That’s awful. Sometimes I’ll walk in offices accidentally, that seems harsh.

Jeremiah: There you go, suffocating foam.

John: There you go. And-

Jeremiah: Again, the computer is not exactly working perfectly.

Christine: Nothing works here.

John: Again, the challenge this year- first year we established the team was so good, a lot of the challenge this year was constraints. How do we put them off their game? How do we take one element away from them? And you know Sophie gave us the natural one in this one, everyone off their game, everyone’s in a different role and what was the fun here is, Parker kind of diving back into full thief mode for the first time this season, you know.

Jeremiah: Yeah. Close-ups of these guys. Close-ups I like, they feel right. I like that. One-eyed close-ups.

John: One-eye close-up is that a style? Do you have a name for that, too? The one-eyed close up?

Jeremiah: The one-eyed close-up. 

John: That's not bad, I would call it the Chechik.

Christine: The Chechik.

Chris: He sent her out with that $400,000 necklace on, very trusting.

Christine: Oh yeah.

John: He has her phone number, he knows where she works.

Christine: He did- we gave him the line, ‘You'll earn it later.’ Which was the filthiest thing I think I've ever seen.

[Laughter]

John: You know what? No, it's a bonus; she works there.

Christine: Oh that’s right she’s a counter girl, she’s a model.

John: She’s an employee. So what he's talking about is her pension.

Chris: Oh right.

Christine: Right. See? He still gives employees pensions.

John: There you go, and a little apology.

Christine: Innocent guy, he feels kinda bad about it.

John: We tried to make a deal out of the fact that Eliot doesn’t like doing this.

Jeremiah: Oh I like this.

Christine: Oh yeah.

Jeremiah: This is real, she’s up there. 

Christine: She's really up there.

Chris: That's a great shot.

Jeremiah: That’s a nice smile from her.

Christine: A lot of people in Portland loved watching this shot.

Chris: Oh what a beautiful shot.

Jeremiah: Yeah, and others didn't.

John: And in the season finale, when you eventually see it that's her on the roof of the City Hall- of the Portland City Hall, a ridiculous height-

Jeremiah: I think you tweeted that.

John: I took a couple pictures of that because I was stunned. There was a moment where I was like, are we out of our minds? Beth Riesgraf on a rig hanging like 6- 8 stories up.

Jeremiah: Tim is particularly funny in this scene. I find him engaging, funny. 

John: Whenever he's being corrupt, there's kind of a kernel of truth and funny to it.

Christine: Nate enjoys putting the screws to people.

John: Nate Ford is not the honest man he thought he was. And that's something we had a lot of fun playing with this year. Also the blocking, because this is crucial, because he's playing a role here. Did you- now did you come in and it was set up this way? And then you block or did you-?

Jeremiah: No, I set it up in order to block it a certain way, thereby making my life easier. In other words, I actually thought about it.

John: Oh, that's very nicely done.

Christine: Pre-production meetings were great.

John: The magnetic plates- the trick with the magnetic plates is from the Antwerp diamond heist, that I wound up demonstrating on the writers room doors with two pieces of cardboard and tape. 

Christine: Two pieces of cardboard and tape. Yes.

Jeremiah: As one does.

John: As one does, cause people kept reading it and going ‘I don't get how this works.’ And I actually wound up building it.

Jeremiah: Now this is a door- this- I love all of this stuff.

Chris: The cutting here is great, too, all the little bits.

John: Great heist cutting. Yeah this was- it was, again -

Jeremiah: It's gotta be a black van; they would never come in a white van.

Christine: Never.

John: You wouldn't be any self respecting Russian hitter in a white van, you know.

Jeremiah: It wouldn't happen.

John: ‘Oh look at that - there's a scuff on the side.’

Christine: ‘Can I take this one?’

John: But again, you know, people think when you write television shows, you've got this enormous plan and everything. You learn how to write every tv show while you're doing it. And again, part of the struggle this year-

Jeremiah: That was a good punch.

Chris: That was great.

John: That was a great punch. Is realizing we can just watch these people do stuff for an act. You know, you don't have to-

Chris: These guys are so funny. The line here-

John: ‘I'd like to see you do an accent.’

Chris: ‘I’d like to see you do an accent.’ Made me laugh.

Christine: We had many many different ad libs at the end there. The two of them were unstoppable, it was great.

Jeremiah: It was extremely fun to do all of this. This keeps going. Now we're approaching one of the absolute super fun shots.

Chris: Now let me ask you, when you're looking at a script like this and you know there are certain places you're gonna have to make compromises in the budget and what not, I'm imagining this sequence you're like digging in on, the break in sequence.

Jeremiah: Yeah, I mean, I try to dig in on everything.

Chris: But I mean, if you’re looking at one part of the show. 

Jeremiah: I actually- I know where the, kind of, emotional roots are. I have to determine where that is on the show. Like, what is the real emotional tracking relationship-wise? And I have to know where everything comes together. Once I make that determination, that's where I- kind of spend my time and really focus, and to the extent that I'm right, it's a good episode.

[Laughter]

John: Those- that is a great outfit on Hardison in that and so, sort of big props to Nadine for that hilarious looking piece of work. What was I gonna say? The- yeah this shot this is an iconic shot for the show.

Jeremiah: This is one of my favorite shots and this happened almost by accident; I'll explain. When we visited the vault and we were scouting- and it wasn't written like this, the problem was that there was no way for her to be on the door. And I just thought, the only way for her to get on the door, or to get in and not trip the wires, is those kind of window cleaner suction cups so I just ordered them up and then positioned her body in such a way that made such a great shot. Because we had a glass door with that iconic- I can watch that shot over and over again, even though I did it.

John: This entire act is like - I will watch Beth Reisgraf as Parker break into a vault for 15 minutes; I'm totally cool with that.

Chris: Yes, absolutely.

John: By the way, that character uses those suction cups in other episodes. And she actually uses them-

Jeremiah: Oh good, I'm glad we didn't buy them just for-

Chris: No no no.

John: She actually used them in the first season, too, and we used them and then we forgot about them.

Chris: On an armored car.

John: On an armored car. Yeah. This is a lot of fun, him hamming it up, trying to-

Jeremiah: This is the fake break in, this is very good. I mean he’s holding it up.

John: Nice little comedy beat. 

[Silence]

John: Sorry, scotch is kicking in.

[Laughter]

Christine: Cross-cutting conversations.

John: ‘I'm gonna kill you-’ it's nice. It's the little-

Jeremiah: And then silence befell the entire- as we kind of were.

Christine: But how much fun is it to write the conversations where they’re all on-?

Jeremiah: I love this shot.

Christine: Everyone’s doing different things.

John: Yes, exactly.

Chris: It’s a beautiful shot.

Jeremiah: Love the upside down of it.

Christine: I love this. I love the security cam just capturing everything that's going on, it's great.

John: Yeah it's great work, Derek, our computer graphics guy-

Jeremiah: I know we liked it. I hope everyone watching it liked it.

Chris: Here we really- we have every single character engaged in this, in the plot here. 

John: That's the challenge-

Jeremiah: The cutting rhythm is what really translates that.

John: Yeah, that’s really nice. That's the challenge of the show is, there's a lot of shows where there's one star and a bunch of sidekicks. We’re a real five-hander; everyone has to be doing something at every moment of the script.

Jeremiah: It's very challenging when you're cutting, you always have to be aware of it. And when you're shooting you have to be aware that that's what is gonna fit. Again, lovely.

John: That’s also a great shot.

Jeremiah: Classic.

John: Classic heist shot. The little smile she's got when she stands up, that’s what makes her happy.

Christine: Kid in a candy store.

Chris: And no laser grid.

Jeremiah: She likes that. I like doing that with-

Chris: As much as you hate hostage stories, I hate the laser grid.

Christine: I'm with Chris. I'm so with Chris on this one.

John: You hate the laser grid.

Chris: I never wanna see a laser grid on this again.

Christine: I was so happy.

John: I think we'll never top the laser grid we did in 207 - the moving laser grid - and that was pretty great. Even the reflection in her eyes-

Chris: That’s it.

John: That's it, you're done, you're out, cause that was it. We can’t do another one.

Jeremiah: Excuse me, can we talk about me again?

[Laughter]

John: Jeremiah, tell us the challenge of this opening the door with people walking in scene?

Christine: That door is beautiful.

John: That's tough. That's like-

Jeremiah: Those doors you can open with a finger.

John: Yeah exactly, but you gotta act like ‘ugh’. Give them the impression of weight.

Jeremiah: Here it is again.

John: An act reset. We don’t usually do an act reset.

Chris: We do sometimes.

John: Yeah, but it is not a big deal. This is tricky. This is a timing one- this is a timing joke.

Christine: This is all about to- 

Jeremiah: This was challenging to stage.

John: Really, how so?

Jeremiah: Timing-wise, this particular moment wasn't, but as soon as everything breaks, it's complicated. You had to hit the-

Chris: It's a lot of people, too.

Christine: A lot of people in play.

John: This was kind of complicated to figure out, I'm mean- I think I was- I was up in the room. Remember? I came down, you were like ‘Ok, we've got everything except how they get out of the vault.’ And I was like, ‘That's kind of a big thing, guys.’ And then it was Mythbusters that came to the rescue.

Christine: Absolutely.

John: I remembered-

Christine: As usual.

John: The det cord for the instant burn through. Well, it was originally thermite.

Chris: It came from two things - it came from det cord and the fact that we had tunnels available in Portland that we had not- on our list of unused locations. We had these fantastic tunnels and that were used- weren't they used to take people onboard ships?

John: They were press gangs. Shanghai tunnels.

Jeremiah: They were press gangs. In other words, they were bars and they used to get people drunk. Shanghai them, punch them out, take them down to the tunnels, wake up at sea.

John: Exactly how I run the writers room.

Christine: What? I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Jeremiah: Exactly how I became a Director.

John: Boylan was working on another show, and you came to a cocktail party we had and she woke up in our writers room-

Christine: I have no memory of this. What, am I on cable now?

Jeremiah: Me, I remember working on in, you know, probably a death ship Shanghaied and woke up and I was in the DG].

Christine: I used to be a pirate, I don’t know what happened.

Chris: Here we go, here's the fogger.

Christine: Oh the fog, and that red light off the fog is great.

John: Yeah, nice choice. And then the reset to sort of reestablish the geography and -

Jeremiah: -what happened.

John: Again, we have very strict rules about how you use these shots, and this is a nice-

Chris: I knew when I read the script, this was gonna be my favorite shot.

Christine: I love the-

Jeremiah: Nice, good chemistry.

Christine: Oh these two.

Jeremiah: Beth’s look, beautiful.

John: Cause he's a little oblivious right at that moment.

Christine: A little high from the heist as well.

John: And then the moment-

[Laughter]

Chris: Sex and violence folks. Right there, that's a sex/violence sandwich.

Christine: Yes it is. Who doesn’t like a sex/violence sandwhich?

John: What’s the bread on a sex/violence sandwich?

Christine: You don't need bread, it’s carb free. 

John: It’s carb free, it's all meat.

Jeremiah: Or all bread.

Christine: Or it’s all bread.

Jeremiah: If you’re into that.

John: And this was great-

Jeremiah: A steadicam in the vault like this, moving was challenging, obviously.

Chris: It’s hard.

John: There's not a lot of room in there, right.

Jeremiah: No, not a lot of room. And again, Gary, our operator, really brilliant. And this had to move to land on specific lines. We did it a lot. I was very focused on just hitting exactly the right beats and ending up in the right place.

Christine: And speaking of brilliant actors-

John: Lieutenant Bonanno. What's really nice was, we finally- it was nice to start to develop a recurring character that we could go to for law enforcement, and it sort of built the Leverage world and he-

Jeremiah: Into the diamonds!

John: He actually became super important in the season finale. We were looking for someone to use in the season finale and that became a character. Now, mostly because we love the Columbo and he really rocks the Columbo.

Jeremiah: He also enjoys doing this a lot.

Christine: He is a pleasure on set, and so consistent.

Jeremiah: Yeah, he’s wonderful.

John: We beat the hell out of him in the finale, too, and he did everything we could throw at him. And now the villain suffers. That’s Dean’s rule.

Chris: Dean’s rule.

John: The villain must suffer and there's always a little gloat going on.

Christine: Often a petard hoist of some kind.

Chris: Here we go.

Jeremiah: Love this shot.

Christine: Look at that.

John: Where the hell is that?

Christine: Edge of nowhere.

Jeremiah: That is under the pulp paper plant on the river.

Chris: Nice.

John: And that was part of- that was really hanging a lantern.

Jeremiah: Like, that is Portland.

John: And that's- well that's Boston, it’s Boston.

Jeremiah: That’s the joy- sorry, Boston.

John: No no no, that's the joy of Portland is, you got all of these really interesting places that haven't been shot at.

Jeremiah: And it was joyful to do that.

John: That was really hanging a lantern on it was, we said this heist wouldn't work earlier and that's the key. We’re actually going to just lay it out in dialogue.

Christine: And this was Joey Cospito, named for my uncle. I just have to say during the commentary, he’s a sweetheart.

Chris: Oh that’s nice.

Jeremiah: Also his softening is good here. He's very soft, I love this guy; it’s great.

John: It's a nice payoff and it’s-

Christine: Beautiful scene, these two.

John: Yeah, it was really tricky. 

Jeremiah: Cash!

John: Yeah, ordinarily we don't have Nate alone in these scenes and Tim’s, kind of, choosing how Nate plays this was an interesting beat. He doesn't usually- he does some version of the hand off with Sophie or one of the other characters.

Jeremiah: Now he liked doing this scene, he liked working opposite Vince.

John: Of Vince? That’s cool.

Jeremiah: Yeah, loved it.

John: No, that was a smooth flip. This is a dense script; this is an awful lot going on in this.

Christine: I don't know what you're talking about.

John: I don't mean in the usual way, which I'm trying to cut down one of your four-page speeches in actual dialogue.

Christine: You love them!

John: Yeah.

Christine: You love them.

Chris: Using every part of the animal there.

Christine: What did I get to write this year? Cockney, Irish...

Jeremiah: I use every part of the animal, and that's just in pre-production.

John: This is great. This is the family- the brother dynamic.

Jeremiah: Hug it out.

Christine: Ad lib!

John: Hug it out this time, and then the roll, she’s still pissed and then- 

Christine: Oh that’s so-

John: You can see him starting to lose it, too. 

Christine: He's laughing.

John: Chris really can't hold it together.

Jeremiah: Now this was a nice, intimate moment. Tim and I really talked about this. I really wanted these moments to be ver,y very charged from his point of view. Because I thought this was the opportunity to invest as much in that relationship, and in the complexity of their relationship. And just seated him alone, and shoot him alone. And I was- we had a good time working on it and dug in with it.

John: This is actually a book end to a huge moment in the finale. We actually- we do the second version of this where he’s, you know, the same but different speech. 

Jeremiah: As well?

John: Yes. Not quite as well as this, but the most epically beautiful phone call in television history, Jeremiah; I hope you’re happy. But no, this is- this feels like a coda. It's actually one of the most important moments of the season. Because it really is the moment where Sophie is just like, ‘You know what? I'm actually getting better and you’re not.’

Jeremiah: And here he can't say goodbye. He just can't say goodbye, and he wants to stay on the phone. And I worked that, and I wanted to really make sure he just couldn't hang up.

John: He doesn’t have the emotional equipment for what he's dealing with right now, you know? This is a shut down, angry guy.

Christine: Right.

John: And yeah, even that little frustration look right there, like, ‘Alright, that didn't go like I hoped.’

Christine: Oh, here it is.

Chris: Nice long shot here. You see his isolation.

John: Isolation.

Jeremiah: Very. And her-

John: And then she's done with it.

Christine: There it goes.

John: Yeah. I love she's wearing the mink in the bar.

Chris: Yeah, the mink.

Christine: The mink and that giant cocktail.

John: Yeah. Well that was fun, guys. Do you have anything you wanna say to the nice folks watching before we take off? 

Christine: I adore this episode, I adore working with Jeremiah, and I adore everyone here. That's- it’s scotch talking.

Jeremiah: You love everyone.

Chris: [Slurring] ‘Let me tell you another thing!’

Christine: Scotch talking. Let me tell you something else, bartender.

John: This is the scotch-driven commentary. Thank you for watching the episode. 

Christine: Thank you for watching.

John: And watch the next one, it’s very good.

Jeremiah: Yeah, watch many more, because they're all good.

[vantaestummy]

Beers, and Bleachers, and Kisses

SYNOPSIS: Music major Min Yoongi has always had the hugest crush on popular jock Kim Taehyung, but when out of no where, Taehyung asks him out on a date to the homecoming game, Yoongi goes a little above and beyond to, you know, impress him. Cue drunken antics like kissing and lots of barfing.

A/N: inspired by a true story that a friend told me. the gif has nothing to do with the story, just loved all of yoongi’s looks in the comeback teaser and have watched it like a thousand times now.

TW/// emeto and drinking way too much alcohol

THE STORY

Yoongi has had his eyes set on Taehyung for quite some time now.

Taehyung, the star child, infamous athlete, the boy carrying the school’s legacy on his back. Yoongi can’t help but to be enamored by the boy because out of all the assholes at this school that are prideful with their heads in their own ass, he’s the only one that actually has the right to be an asshole.

Don’t get Yoongi wrong, no one should be an asshole, but at least Taehyung has the looks and the talent to back it up. But Taehyung is actually the complete and total opposite. Yes, he hangs with some of the jocks like Park Seojoon, Park Hyungsik, Jeon Jeongguk, Kim Seokjin, and Park Jimin, but Taehyung has this air about him that emanates hope and love.

Here’s the other thing:

He’s really fucking smart. Truly. He’s the only dweeb of the athlete crowd that constantly gets straight A’s. And that’s not all.

One day, Yoongi was off to class, books and assignments in hand when one day, he gets the wind knocked out of him, his papers flying in a whirlwind, his glasses now askew.

“Watch where the fuck you’re going dude.” A gruff voice says, and suddenly, Yoongi feels so small, like his entire world has shattered and he feels nauseous with embarrassment. He doesn’t want to look at who pushed him because he knows he’ll be stricken with fear and he really doesn’t need to come to terms with the audience that has surrounded him and his perpetrator.

“Hey, back off, he didn’t do anything wrong.” That deep, velvet clad voice says. Yoongi’s heartbeat quickens, the feeling pulsating throughout his entire body.

Kim Taehyung stands there, hair flowing in the non existent wind like the hero in a k drama, having come to his aid in the midst of a dire situation. Yoongi couldn’t help it then, the way his heart overflowed with the utmost love and respect.

Yoongi had it bad.

And so you could imagine how Yoongi felt when Taehyung had asked him out to the homecoming game. The athlete had the audacity to look all nervous and shy, his head ducked and his cheeks glazed with pink. It was far too much for Yoongi to handle and let him tell it, he still thinks it’s a prank.

But Yoongi was over the moon, and he did NOT take almost three hours to pick out his outfit... promise. With his sandy blonde curls, cherry glazed lips and eyelids smeared delicately with a bit of gold, Yoongi was so ready to blow Taehyung away.

Taehyung was waiting for him at the entryway to the stadium, like he had promised, tickets in hand and a boxy smile on his face. When he notices that Yoongi is approaching, his face drops, his eyes widen. His jaw goes slack and it looks like the entire universe has made a home in his eyes. Yoongi can’t help but to blush.

“Woah... hyung you look... woah.”

Yoongi giggles, not used to such attention and definitely not used to it coming from someone so fucking beautiful and kind. That was the most important part for Yoongi. That Taehyung was kind.

“Uhh... you should close your mouth before... you know, flies?” Yoongi tries to play it cool but, he clearly can’t even do that right when his use of lingo just fades away into the night. But Taehyung must find it cute, (Yoongi hopes he does) as he just throws his head back with a laugh and hands Yoongi over his ticket.

“Here, the others are waiting for us.”

Yoongi raises a brow. Others? He had hoped that it was just the two of them but, Yoongi can’t be picky. Never in a million years did he think someone like Taehyung would be into someone like him. So he’ll take this one in stride.

They walk side by side up the steps and into the bleachers, finding spots next to all of Taehyung’s jock friends. This game was for the junior varsity team and Taehyung and his friends belonged to the major team? The other division? Yoongi didn’t really give a shit. He just knows that this was the team lower in rank and that it was a home game. Either way, he was with Taehyung, and that’s kind of all that matters.

Beside them are Jimin and Jungkook who, can’t seem to get their hands off of one another. Next to them, are Seokjin, Namjoon and Hoseok, people that Yoongi has seen around before but, has never really interacted with until now.

“Guys, this is Yoongi hyung, Yoongi hyung, meet Jimin, Jungkook, Joon-hyung, Hoseok-hyung, and Jin-hyung. Jimin, Jungkook and Hyung are on the same team with me. Namjoon-hyung and Hoseok-hyung are just our friends.”

“Wow, thanks for making it sound like we don’t do shit.” Namjoon teases. Yoongi smiles, offering them a kind nod and sighing with content in his seat. It isn’t long before Taehyung ducks his hands into his bag, pulling out two cans of beer and handing one to Yoongi stealthily.

“Want one? No one really says anything unless you make it a big deal. Plus, you’re older than me right? So you must be over twenty one.”

Yoongi’s nose crinkles as he finds this endearing, that Taehyung has thought about this so carefully. Granted, Yoongi doesn’t really drink but, if he says no, he risks looking lame as fuck and that is the last thing he wants to do right now. Especially when things are going so well.

“Sure, hand me another one while you’re at it. Beer doesn’t do shit for me.” Yoongi lies, easy. Taehyung’s brows raise, his smile widening, clearly impressed. He hands Yoongi the two cans like he asked and the older boy throws them back as if it’s no sweat off his back. Taehyung can’t help but to give him the side eye, his lips quirked are the corners as he bites his lip, very intrigued by how badass Yoongi is.

But unbeknownst to him, Yoongi had made the biggest mistake.

Halfway into the game, Yoongi had already had four beers, and not only was his vision hazy, but he could barely hear anything, all of the sounds of the world blurring together and invading his eardrums with a fuzzy sound. Along with the dissipation of his senses, comes a newfound courage that he did not ask for.

“Y’know Taehyung? I was real’ surprised when you asked me out, y’know? Because you’re just so fuckin’ gorgeous and I’m... not...” Yoongi giggles sadly, truly meaning what he says even though he’s drunk out of his mind.

But Taehyung seems to take offense to his words, quickly snatching up the other boy’s hand and holding it tight.

“I have no idea what the hell youre talking about hyung. You are so... beautiful, and believe it or not... but I’ve been wanting to ask you out for some time now?”

There it is again, Taehyung’s nerves as clear as day. Yoongi, so drunk that the world is spinning around him, can’t help but to find it so adorable that he just giggles, and giggles, and giggles. His fingers curl by his mouth in the most adorable fashion and his eyes crinkle as he laughs. Taehyung’s gaze softens, and with the new look, comes his tan cheeks turning a sweet shade of pink.

“You’re too... you’re too nice Tae...” Yoongi murmurs, clearly stricken by the others words as his heart swells in his chest. He leans in, intertwining both of their hands now and allowing their noses to brush. “You should kiss me now... I’ve been wanting you to kiss me for a long time.”

Taehyung gasps at Yoongi’s bluntness but, nonetheless, has been waiting for this moment just as well. Taehyung leans inward, tilting his head so that their lips can slot perfectly together. Yoongi takes no time to hesitate as his lips move with the kiss, deepening it and allowing Taehyung’s tongue to mingle with his own. It’s hard not to laugh into the kiss because it’s so much more perfect than he could have ever imagined. And yes, Taehyung tastes like cheap beer and pocket mints, but he also tastes sweet and full of bright, hopeful dreams. The others pay them no mind as the two make out shamelessly in the bleachers of a college football game (talk about cliches) and Yoongi wouldn’t have it any other way.

The game is over when everyone in the bleachers retires for the night. Taehyung’s friends send him playful winks and teasing kissy faces as they depart, and Yoongi can’t help but to blush as he’s left alone with the jock he’s dreamed about.

But that’s not the only reason why his cheeks are flushed.

Yoongi feels sick, like, really sick. The world is still spinning but it isn’t as fun anymore, and an overwhelming sensation of nausea floods his entire body, making him hot all over as his lids droop and his mouth fills with saliva.

Taehyung kisses his cheek, still not aware of what’s happening.

“Do you want to... come to my dorm for a bit? We can watch movies or something? I also have food in the fridge that I can cook for us to last us the night. All the dining halls are closed so—”

“Taehyung?”

The jock in question closes his mouth, his brows furrowing as he intakes Yoongi’s pale and shaky state. “Hyung? Baby, are you okay?”

Yoongi can’t even swoon over the pet name as his stomach gurgles in protest.

“I-I... I think m’ gonna be sick...” Yoongi mumbles as his cheeks puff out against a sickly burp. He presses his fist to his mouth, his eyes squeezing shut as he tries so desperately not to puke in front of his crush??? Boyfriend??? It’s too early to tell but, if Yoongi vomits, this might be the end of it all.

“Ahhh.... shit.” Taehyung jumps to his feet, scanning the bleachers for something that Yoongi can be sick in. Thankfully, he swipes up a plastic bag that had been discarded holding who knows what.

He opens the bag beneath Yoongi’s chin, saliva already dangling from his lip as the crinkling of plastic resonates through the cold fall air. The wind does nothing to soothe Yoongi’s burning hot skin.

“Tae... m’ stomach...” Yoongi groans, the nausea followed by a dull ache that only makes him sicker. Taehyung pouts with sympathy.

“Just... get it up baby... you’ll feel better soon.”

Yoongi doesn’t hear the last of Taehyung’s words as his shoulders roll with a guttural burp, a thick wave of vomit clattering into the bag and nearly filling it up halfway. Yoongi heaves, more chunky puke nearly the same color as the beer he drank creating a small pool into the bag and weighing it down. Taehyung barely manages to keep it together.

He grabs at Yoongi’s other hand for help in holding the back, and with one hand now free, he brushes back Yoongi’s soft, light brown fringe, hissing through his teeth as Yoongi’s stomach clenches visibly beneath his jacket. More puke spurts from Yoongi’s lips, the bag overflowing with his vomit and soaking Taehyung’s fingers. The jock bites back a grimace as his eyes scan the bleachers in a panic for another makeshift puke bucket. He ends up finding nothing and resorts to dumping the bag to the grass below, opting for a wet but empty piece of plastic.

“Let it out baby, everything’s gonna be okay.”

Meanwhile, Yoongi is living through his worst nightmare.

Not only is his stomach a hot mess, but he’s not so drunk that he doesn’t realize what’s happening. After this, Taehyung will no longer want to speak to him again, let alone see him in class.

How disgusting can he be?

“T-Tae... I’m... I’m-blech.”

Yoongi gurgles out a few mouthfuls of vomit, his stomach convulsing as he continues to puke up nothing but bile and saliva. Taehyung rubs calm, soothing circles in his back as his spine curves from the force of his puking, his eyes wet and overflowing with unshed tears.

“Don’t speak hyung, just get it all out first.”

Yoongi whines, a few tears falling as he coughs wetly into the bag that isn’t nearly as full as it was before. Yoongi gags helplessly as nothing more comes up, but his head continues to hang low, unable to face Taehyung at the moment.

But once Taehyung realizes that Yoongi must be done he ties up the bag and wipes his sticky hands on his jeans, reaching into his bag for a few towelletes that his mother had given him before he left off to school. The package hasn’t even been opened, as Taehyung never thought he would have to use them, until now.

“Here hyung, you can wipe your mouth with... hyung, baby why are you crying?”

Yoongi sniffles, more tears escaping him as he descends further and further into the realms of never ending embarrassment. Yoongi is so ashamed that he doesn’t even think he can speak right now, let alone think of something useful to say.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry... I’m so gross and I just wanted to impress you and make you think that I drink all the time when really I’ve only had wine and never enough to actually make myself drunk and I was so surprised when you asked me out that I thought it might be a joke and now I’m really hoping it was because I know you probably hate me now and I’m just... I’m so sorry Taehyung...”

Taehyung’s jaw has dropped, his face etched with incredible disbelief.

“A... a joke? Hyung, I wasn’t joking when I asked you out. I did it because I actually like you and... I’m sad that you thought you had to go as far as to get really drunk to impress me but... I think I’m flattered?” Taehyung says cautiously with a small smile. It’s sweet, and endearing, and even though Yoongi’s stomach still hurts, it kind of makes him giggle too.

“I get it if you don’t want to see me again... I mean, who would? I got puke on your shoes.”

Taehyung looks down at his sneakers to see, yeah, a tiny splash of vomit on the tip of his converse. But he honestly doesn’t really give a shit. To him, he’s spending time with the coolest, cutest, most talented kid in school. There’s no other place he’d rather be.

“You know hyung, I was there, at the recital. You were so amazing. Every time I saw you around campus I got so intimidated, it also doesn’t help that you’re so cute. I’m really happy that you said yes.” Taehyung says earnestly as he uses his sleeve to wipe away at Yoongi’s tears, since his hands are still kind of gross.

Yoongi sniffles, looking up with wide eyes, shocked, his cheeks reddening as Taehyung takes care of him so effortlessly.

“You... you saw me?”

Taehyung nods with the brightest, boxy smile on his face. “Yeah! I love the music showcases because everyone in them is so good but you? You took my breath away. I never thought I would get the courage to ask you but... my friends kinda bribed me to do it. I wanted you to hear it from me instead of them being assholes and telling you how much I was crushing on you.”

Yoongi chuckles, breathless. His cheeks are flushed and his skin has somewhat returned to its usual color, even if he is still super dizzy.

Taehyung had known who he was? Before they even met?

Yoongi experiences a chill then, his hands wrap around his torso as he shivers. Taehyung quickly discards of his jacket before pulling it around Yoongi, his cheeks still a faint pink.

“Let me walk you to my dorm. It’s cold and dark out, and I also have some really good remedies for bad hangovers.” Taehyung offers softly, his voice tinged with hope that Yoongi will say yes. He does in fact, say yes, and when Yoongi feels even better, he borrows one of Taehyung’s jerseys and they cuddle on the couch, warm and so much happier than before. And if Taehyung’s teammates clown him once they see Yoongi leaving his room at the crack of dawn the next day, he doesn’t say anything about it. Frankly, he doesn’t care. He’s kind of in love, and nothing can change that.

Even if their first official date was filled with puke.

But thankfully, they go on many more dates to make up for that one, and when Taehyung asks Yoongi to be his boyfriend, Yoongi of course says yes. And when people ask how they met, Yoongi groans, and Taehyung just laughs, because they both know that whoever asked, is in for a long story.

A/N: sorry for disappearing. i can’t promise that i’m back officially, but i hope this makes up for some of that time!

[barpurplewrites]

Keep an open mind - Chapter 2

Chapter One (HERE)

-x-x-x-

For a first day on a new job it had gone well. Jefferson had let her have free reign, only stepping in to ask her for a few specific shots when they were filming the research stage. Gold had been easy to work with, he’d made a few suggestions, but never once compared her to their old cameraman and the only frustration he’d shown had been at honking cars. Belle suspected that he was a dog person, because the pooch that messed up one shot had been fussed over and called a ‘Good Doggie’.

It had been ordinary, which Belle had been expecting, because what were the chances she would film a ‘real’ ghost?

They’d wrapped for the day and headed to a quiet local bar, that was cheap and cosy. It was the sort of place that only locals would know about, which confused Belle since Jefferson had said they’d never been in Springfield before.

“We always let Ariel scout out the bar in a new town. She’s got a sixth sense for finding the best places.”

Belle sipped her beer, and was impressed, Ariel certainly had a skill. As he’d promised Gold had bought the first round, although he did pull a face at having to order a cocktail that came with an umbrella, sparkler and a lobster swizzle stick for Jefferson.

“I order the wildest drink on the menu when Gold is paying, anything other than beer or scotch offends his delicate Scottish alcohol sensibilities, one of these days he’s going to break the rules and refuse to order my drink.”

“What are the rules for this thing?”

Gold sat down opposite Belle, his glass of beer looking very plain next to Jefferson’s cocktail; “Have you ever noticed how the last person to arrive is the one who says, ‘Are we ready to start’, like the rest of you haven’t been hanging around while they got their arse in gear? We formalised that, so if you are last on site, you have to say something like that, and then the first round is on you.”

It was a simple little ritual that obviously kept tempers level, knowing that whoever was late had to buy the first round would do that for a crew. Belle had worked on a few jobs that would have benefited for a similar arrangement.

“Is there a penalty for not ordering a drink if it’s your round?”

Ariel laughed; “You have to streak around the motel parking lot. None of us three have done it. Yet, but Jefferson keeps trying to catch Gold out.”

“I’ve still not worked out why Jeff is so keen to see my saggy pale arse jiggling in the cold, but he is a man on a mission.”

Jefferson plucked the umbrella from his drink and tucked it behind his ear; “A man is entitled to his foibles, now to the real business of the evening, the interrogation of the newbie.”

Belle raised an eyebrow and set her pint down; “Okay, let’s do this.”

She’d worked with Jefferson before and knew ‘interrogation’ was a chilled getting to know you twenty questions type thing. He’d once fired a sound engineer on the spot because he insisted on asking new female staff personal, or sexual questions. There would be no pressure to answer anything she was uncomfortable with.

Ariel kicked off with; “What’s your dream film job?”

“I’d love to film theatre. Broadway musical, or an RSC performance, especially at the Globe in London.”

That lead them into a conversation about the challenges of such a job. Ariel pointed out that sound levels could be a nightmare with a cast who were used to projecting for the stage. Gold liked the idea of a whole film focused off the main action, so the audience could enjoy all the bits they might have missed.

Jefferson fired the next question at her; “Pets, you got any? If not, what would you have?”

Gold frowned; “That’s two questions Jeff.”

“Nope! It’s a question with two parts, totally different.”

Belle was so busy giggling at the way Jefferson and Gold bickered like an old married couple that she forgot she had a question to answer until Gold twirled a hand at her.

“Oh right, I own fifty per cent of a cat.”

Ariel wrinkled her nose; “Just to be clear; are you co-parent to a fur-baby, or do you own,” – she made a chopping gesture with her hand, - “half a cat?”

“Ick no. My neighbour and I share Bilbo.”

Gold gave her that wonky smile of his; “Bilbo? Let me guess, he alternates between houses for breakfast and second breakfast?”

“Yep, and every other meal he can wrangle out of us. Eleanor and I have to co-ordinated on his feeding or he’s going to end up a contender for the fattest cat world record.”

While Jefferson went to get the next round of drinks Belle showed Ariel and Gold some pictures of Bilbo on her phone. Ariel cooed and declared a desperate need to pet the ‘darling little ball of fuzz’, while Gold nodded at the screen and asked; “Is that Eleanor?”

It wasn’t the most flattering picture of Eleanor since Bilbo had been sat on her shoulder and decided to flick his tail across her face just as Belle clicked. She’d ended up with a cat tail moustache that had made her laugh so much the picture was a bit blurred.

“Yup, that is my very own living Beatles song neighbour and co-cat owner.”

Gold cocked his head and frowned before he snapped his fingers; “Eleanor Rigby. Wow.”

Belle took her pint from Jefferson and decided to get this bit out of the way early on; “She’s a fan of the show and of you Gold, can I do the awkward request bit?”

He blinked at her, a total lack of understand on his face. Jefferson huffed and rolled his eyes; “She wants an autograph, or a picture. Please try to remember you are the star of our little production, old chap.”

“Oh shite, right, yeah we can do that for her, or you can take a picture now and I’ll type her a message?”

Ariel leaned into Belle and stage whispered; “He just doesn’t want you to see his chicken scratch of a signature. God help you if you have to read any notes he’s written, spider scrawl with numbers scattered in.”

Gold gave her a mock-scowl and then shrugged; “Aye, canne deny that one, at least not with a clean conscious. So, picture and neatly typed message?”

Belle held her phone up ready to snap a picture. She’d noticed today that it took Gold a moment to slip into his on-screen face. She waited and then he grinned and raised his pint. She snapped the shot and handed him the phone.

“That one okay?”

“Bloody hell. Jeff needs to pay you more. You make me look damn good.”

Gold was not a speed texter, he carefully jabbed each letter with one finger which twirled around as he searched for the next letter. Belle smothered her giggle in her pint as his tongue poke out of the corner of his mouth.

“Here, check it and send it.”

Belle took her phone from him and laughed at the message he had typed.

“Hi Eleanor, Bilbo’s other mother tells me you are a fan. Here’s hoping your nights are ghost bump free, Gold xx”

Jefferson spluttered into his drink; “You realise how filthy that sounds?”

“What? No, it doesn’t. Does it?”

“Too late sent it!”

Gold’s lips moved as he went over the message he had typed. He groaned and dropped his head; “Oh no. I’m sorry. I’ve been working with Jeff too long, I’m numb to double entendres now.”

With his head still down, his arm shot out and covered Jefferson’s mouth with his hand. Jefferson played up the affronted hurt and then laughed; “Okay, Gold’s question for our Belle.”

Gold lifted his head and brushed his hair back with both hands. He looked Belle in the eye and said; “Do you believe in ghosts?”

[actual-leia-organa]

Huddy ofc but real huddy not the crap david shore huddy

Right @macsturbating apologies first up because you sent this before my trip and I just never sat down and answered it because I’m a lazy shit tbh but now Im trying to write fic and I’m stuck so you get this instead

((Also holy shit it got really long so I’m apologising in advance))

Who said “I love you” first - trick answer. House said it first, but Cuddy was fast asleep and didn’t hear him, and he’d never admit to it anyway, and was shocked at himself for it slipping out. He hadn’t said it since Stacy, but watching Cuddy peacefully sleep, curled up beside him, the words felt like the most natural thing in the word. The first to say it when both of them are awake is Cuddy, after tearing herself up for a week about whether she was ready to say those words and whether House was ready to hear them. Once they were said, he accepted it in his typical Housian way, no “I love you too”- not for a long time. And whilst they both knew the love was there, they weren’t constantly showering “I love you”s on each other, because that’s not how they operate.

Who would have the other’s picture as their phone background - well, Cuddy would want a photo of them as her background, but would fight with herself as to whether that meshes with her ultra-professional-at-all-times appearance. And she’d have pictures of them- the two of them, as well as ‘family’ shots with Rach, filling up her camera roll, and eventually on display in her office, but I don’t think she’d ever have her lockscreen as a personal photo. Ditto with House- he’d think he’d gone soft, and that everyone else would also think he’d gone soft. Plus, the photos on his camera roll would absolutely be like terrible sneak shots of Cuddy asleep and half snoring, or her with smudged make up on a Saturday morning, or that time she split coffee down her blouse when she was running late, and a multitude of photos that would make her squeal House delete that! (Which she also screamed at him after he managed some sneaky lingerie shots, because, well, he’s House) As well as stacks of Rachel selfies when he’d let her play Fruit Ninja on his phone. And instead of having Cuddy/Him + Cuddy/Him + Cuddy + the Spawn as his lockscreen he’d select the absolutely worst photo he had of Cuddy to appear whenever she called him.

Who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirror - well fingerprints make stubborn ass marks on mirrors and windows, so there is no way in hell Cuddy would be doing that. That’s purely a House behaviour, and one she tries to train out of him, because he’d shower and leave some dirty message on her mirror, and once the fog cleared there would be smudges on the mirror and that would be all she could see when doing her make up, and she would guiltily apologise to her cleaner about the “state of the bathroom mirror” but the tables are turned when they’re having some fun in the shower and she leaves handprints on the shower screen. Those she can smirk at, because of the memories with them.

Who buys the other cheesy gifts - more like who steals the other cheesy gifts, because its canon that this is House. Cuddy would stress herself senseless over gifts for him- he’s curated his environment, both at work and at home, and has very particular interests. There’s only so many vintage medical texts you can buy your significant other. She would only do gifts on significant occasions, versus House who would saunter home with a stuffed toy because it reminded me of you or to say sorry for the procedure I’m about to ask for. He would also buy the most amazing gifts for Rachel, to the point where Cuddy would worry he was outright spoiling her, only to realise that was how he would best express affection- he struggled to voice his feelings, was often physically distant, but with gifts he had no issues. On special occasions though he could give a perfect gift- perfectly suited to the receiver, and often a unique or sentimental object.

Who initiated the first kiss - this one’s a double hitter, because there were two “first kisses” in my mind- Michigan and Help Me. And Cuddy instigated them both (get it gurl). Michigan, she’d encountered the blue-eyed enigmatic genius in the bookstore, his eyes burning hers as he scanned her schedule and summed her up in 10 seconds. She’d followed him to endocrinology, he’d followed her to the party, although he’d never admit it. Greg House doesn’t follow girls. He especially doesn’t follow under-grads. But somehow he found himself at the party, where the music was terrible, and too loud, and the beer approaching flat and tepid. But when he caught the swing of her hips as she strolled through the kitchen it suddenly seemed worth it. And when she grabbed his arm on her way past, well, he was a sure thing. He couldn’t even tell you the first song they danced to, he was so entranced by watching her move. The musician in him appreciated how she seemed to just move with the rhythm, but the man in him appreciated how her hips swayed, how her hands felt as they left glancing touches on his arms, how her lips parted as she mouthed the words. But the beat slowed, and there they were, her hands resting on his shoulders as his hands settled on her petite waist. He could definitely tell you this song, its burned into his memory along with every move they made. As Time After Time faded into silence, his hands loosened and slid down to her hips, as her hands laced behind his head and pulled it down, as Cuddy raised up on her toes to press her lips to his. He could taste her cherry gloss, she could taste the cheap beer he’d been downing, but as they both leaned into it suddenly nothing else existed but them. He breathlessly asked her if she wanted to get out of there, and she felt full of daring when she replied “your place or mine?”. That was how they found themselves falling into Cuddy’s bed, half naked with clothes strewn around. And when he didn’t call the next day, Cuddy tried to act like it was nothing, just a casual one night stand, when inside she was mourning all that she’d hoped for. And so the kiss at the end of Help Me was Cuddy giving in, letting college-Cuddy try and realise her dream of a relationship- a real, grown up relationship- with Gregory House. But unlike college, where she roughly grabbed his head and smashed their faces together, this is an older, wiser, more experienced Lisa Cuddy, and as she reaches for his face she smiles softly as he leans into her touch, his stubble gently scratching her palm. She runs her hand through his thinning hair and he willingly lowers to meet her. It’s soft, and mutual, and a little hesitant, as if neither of them can believe they’re truly at this place, but each feeling like the twenty years it took to get there were totally worth it.

Who kisses the other awake in the morning - depends on your definition of morning. House’s sleep schedule is…the opposite of a schedule. He’ll stay awake for 3 days straight on a case, then sleep for 2. He’ll stay awake until 3am reading a journal article, be woken by Cuddy at 5am, then catch catnaps in the clinic. So there’s two answers here. If “morning” is any time after midnight, the answer is House. He’ll sit in the lounge, engrossed in the latest neurology journal, barely tearing his eyes away as Cuddy kisses him goodnight on her way to bed. He’ll finish the article at close to 3am, and slowly limp down the hallway, pausing in the doorway to watch Cuddy sleep, smiling at how she hugs his pillow in his absence. He’ll change for bed, and softly sit, leaning over to gently press a kiss to Cuddy’s lips, feeling her respond as she’s pulled from sleep, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him down to her. Once they settle in together, Cuddy’s alarm will go off at 5am sharp, causing House to groan as Cuddy stretches out like a cat next to him, always turning to gently kiss him, as if apologising for the disturbance. He’ll always respond, but then its anyone’s guess as whether he’ll fully awaken or roll over and snore within seconds.

Who starts tickle fights - House. He discovered in college just how ticklish Lisa Cuddy is, and the adorable giggle she lets out when tickled. He also kinda likes how it feels when she squirms against him and that exasperated “House!” she puffs out whilst trying to fight him. He’ll usually do it when they’ve been settled in together and he feels his distinct brand of boredom set in- which seems it coincide with every time Cuddy wants to relax with a BBC boxset. They’ll be on the couch, cozied up, an hour into the latest period drama, when House would slide his hand down her side and start to tickle just below her ribs. She’d push his hand away with an annoyed huff, but within 5 minutes it would be back, and she’d be giggling and squirming enough for him to get the other side. The only reason it doesn’t become a full out tickle war is that House only has one weak spot- the soles of his feet. And the one time Cuddy tried it she caused his thigh to spasm as he pulled away, making for a very sudden end to their tickle fight, and their entire plan for the evening. He’ll pretend to be ticklish for Rachel though, when she attempts to tickle him by poking at his ribs, something Cuddy is eternally grateful for- she loves when he plays along with Rach.

Who asks who if they can join the other in the shower - well, House would never ask, he’d just barge in. Especially at Cuddy’s house, where the shower is spacious enough for them to get creative. So this one goes to Cuddy, who shyly asks may I join you? the first time she stays the night at his apartment, which he considers slightly ridiculous since they jumped straight into a bath together, and he tells her as much. She snarks back that she was being considerate of his leg since he was still dealing with the aches and pains from crawling around a collapsed building, and heaven forbid she think he mightn’t want an audience whilst attempting to get in and out of the shower, plus its more difficult for two people to shower when its over a bath (he doesn’t to think about how she knows that), but whatever, House, be offended over a simple request. He huffs, slightly annoyed at how she’s already making concessions for his leg (which seems to dig a bit more now that she’s his girlfriend, not just his boss), and sighs fine. come join me. I suppose you can catch me if I slip which triggers their first stupid fight, learning that they don’t hold back the punches when they’re both tired and sore.

Who surprises the other in the middle of the day at work with lunch - Cuddy, bringing House ruebens during the day when he’s caught up with a case and forgets to eat. On the flip side, House will order delivery to Cuddy’s office and wander down to join her when he notices her pulling overtime, coming to give her a break and needle her to come home with him. Wilson feels slightly put out when he realises that Cuddy has suddenly taken over the ‘feed House’ duties, to which House rolls his eyes and sighs, reminding Wilson that he’ll always be required, and he hasn’t been replaced.

Who was nervous and shy on the first date - House and Cuddy love to laugh over how they did everything in the wrong order. They slept together, then Cuddy adopted, then they tried a relationship, all over the course of twenty-plus years. Everything backwards, and no first date. House never asked Cuddy out, or vice versa. Which, when pointed out to them, neither feel the urge to ‘correct’. What they have works for them. They go out to dinner, sometimes driving there in separate cars from the hospital, sometimes just going for a drink, sometimes staying in and ordering take out. But the date that really mattered, the date that felt like a date, the date where a velvet box was burning a hole in House’s pocket, was the one and only time that Gregory House felt nervous. And it showed- Cuddy picked up on it in seconds, which resulted in throwing his whole plan out the window and he ended up proposing on Cuddy’s doorstep, not even making it to the restaurant- and they didn’t make the reservation as all, as once the ring was on Cuddy’s finger she pulled him into the hallway and they barely made it to the bedroom.

Who kills/takes out the spiders - both of them take care of insects. Lisa Cuddy isn’t the kind of woman to scream at the sight of creepy crawlies, and she’s lived alone long enough that she just deals with it herself. Same deal with House, although he has to take his leg into account if he’s going to attempt gymnastics to catch or kill an insect. The only time he’s banned from dealing with insects is when Rach is around, because he’ll catch it and turn it into a biology lesson. It took “and after copulating, the girl rips the boy’s head off, mom!” to implement that rule, with a steely look at House across the dinner table.

Who loudly proclaims their love when drunk - House didn’t need to actually be with Cuddy to announce to a whole hospital that they slept together, and it took Cuddy formally announcing their relationship to HR for anyone to believe him, but strangely House is always quiet about his true feelings, and even more so when it comes to how he feels about Cuddy. Sure, he’ll joke about her ass, and make crude jokes about their sex life, but the day Wilson confronts him with christ, House, you really love her, don’t you he can’t even lift his eyes from the floor as he nods slowly, swallowing heavily as he softly replies more than I’ve ever loved anyone. House quietly proclaims his love, hiding his deep feelings behind his brash and bravado. It’s Cuddy who, after one too many champagnes at the first hospital fundraiser she drags House to, who slurs loud enough for 90% of the attendees to hear, I absholutely love you, Gregry Housh whilst House blushes under his collar at her, stunned that she has no qualms with people knowing she’s chosen him, that she loves him. And as he drives her home, he softly asks, did you mean it Cuddy? Do you really…love me? and she rolls her eyes, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world, putting her hand on his, meeting his eyes, and almost whispering, with the slight slur of champagne, I love you. It’s taken me twenty years, but I’m here, I’m not going anywhere, and I love you. House leans over to kiss her and is rewarded with a honk from the car behind them as he ignores a green light.

[huntertales]

Part Two: Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Flattery. (The Real Ghostbusters S05E09)

Useful Links: Last Part | All Episodes Word Count: 5,458. A/N: I honestly didn't think I was going to like writing this episode as I have been, but it's been quite funny seeing how this has been turning out. I hope you guys enjoy this part. More out soon!

You understood the feeling of being sucked into a good book or a TV show, being immersed with the plot and characters that seem to grow on you more through each page you turn or how many episodes you watch. Throwing yourself into other fictional worlds was how you used to cope with the loneliness when you were younger. And sometimes reading a good book was how you could get your mind away from the stresses of being a hunter. But you were finding it hard to understand how people could find your written counterpart so interesting in the book series called "Supernatural." You had abandoned the brothers at the bar about fifteen minutes ago for the merch table that were selling the books for anyone that might want to buy. Nobody was around, giving you a chance to read a book you picked up for random. You skimmed the first few pages with little interest, you had already read half of them online. It was holding the actual paperback in your hands that made this entire situation so surreal.

Your entire life for the past twenty six years was here, from your wicked past of how you came to be from the demon deal your mother made and how they knew Andrew was a demon. Thanks to book number nine and ten. The books even included mentions of your faulty deal with Yellow Eyes for Sam and another one made right after with another demon as an attempt of saving Dean. "No Rest for the Wicked" sure did include every little detail of the final hours of your life from the first kiss with Dean, all the way down to the horrendous twist of fate after the boys realized Lilith was possessing your body, forcing you to watch all before being thrown into the same demise.

Every single internal feeling and deep fear you had ever had was written in black and white, then placed in paperback with some tacky looking cover. It was hard for you to understand how people could love your character so much that they wanted to be like you. Not to mention how everyone in this room thought all of the monster they read about were just fictional beings. And all the hunts you went on was just another adventure they could read about in the comfort of their own home.

"All I'm saying is that Dean always gets the girl. Why can't Sam have a bit of happiness in his life?"

"Because everyone Sam loves dies a slow and agonizing death. Mary and Jess, not to mention Madison. And if you want to blur the lines, I'm sure Ruby didn't stray too far from Hell."

There was a distant conversation not too far from where you were standing about a subject matter that you were growing tired of hearing about. Looking up from the bok, your eyes wandered over to across the room where you saw two girls sitting at a table with a few beers in hand. Both of them were heavily in conversation, not seeming to notice a bystander eavesdropping on their conversation. You watched as both of them argued their points of who Y/N could have ended up with at the end of "Supernatural" if it hadn't ended with two main characters meeting a bloody demise.

One argued that Dean and Y/N had chemistry since the first chapter. She was his mystery woman that he had kept secret for so many years, his last bit of normalcy to a past he didn't even remember before hunting. Her friend tried to argue again that Dean had a chance at something real, and that was with Cassie. Of course, that didn't work out. Her friend argued that Sam was the best fit for Y/N's character. Both of them were children thrown into a lifestyle they didn't want. Each of them found comfort in one another and had a relationship that was natural. He was smart like her, and despite his fatal touch, it seemed like Y/N didn't stay down for long.

Both of the girls, just like everyone in this room, were just having fun. Each of them started smiling and laughing a few moments later, making a few comments about how much they loved Y/N. "I mean, she's a total—" One of them began speaking, but she couldn't finish her sentence when someone poorly dressed as Dean came strolling up, deciding he should have put his opinion in on a conversation that was harmless to begin with.

"Y/N's character is totally pointless, if you ask me." He said with a cocky tone. You narrowed your eyes on him as the girls started to roll their eyes from his opinion nobody asked for. "I hope she stays dead. I mean, what does she even add to the storyline?"

"A lot, actually." One of them remarked. “Considering she’s one of the main characters…”

"She was only added to reach out for a bigger female audience and a cheap attempt at ruining a good storyline for a dumb romance." The man continued on talking, despite the glares he was getting from both of the girls. "Y/N's just as useless as all the other female characters in the book. I bet you in the next one all it's gonna be about is Sam and Dean whining about how they miss Y/N while they try to get revenge on Lilith. Sort of like how they got revenge on Azazel after he killed Mary and Jess. It's gonna be the same plotline all over again.”

"Is that, so?" The man looked away from the girls to see another voice had jumped into the conversation. He found himself letting out a chuckle to see you standing there with a brow arched up and your arms crossed over your chest. " I have to disagree. I think she's done a lot of hard work over the past several yea—I mean, books. I think she's worked her ass over enough to get some credit. She's done a lot."

"Like, what? Get captured by the bad guys half the time? Or maybe it's getting herself almost killed because she has no idea what's she's doing." He man argues with you, only causing your lips to stretch into a smirk and press your arms tighter around your body. "She's stupid. Not to mention her selling her soul for the boys. She's not a 'strong female character.' She's weak, stupid and shows no redeeming qualities."

"Right. Because Sam and Dean have never done anything stupid to get themselves into trouble. I mean, Y/N made a few mistakes because she was naive and learned how to hunt from the beginning. It’s called character development and learning from her mistakes. And selling her soul for the boys doesn't make her a weak character or a plot device to move the story along. Dean did the exact same thing and I bet you would say that's heroic of him. But if a female does something for a male character it makes her less of. Hmm?" You raised a brow after giving your opinion that he didn't ask for. "Or maybe you don't like Y/N's character—or any of the female characters—is because they're smarter, stronger and level headed than you'll ever be. And for someone like you, who probably still lives in his mom's basement, gets intimated pretty quickly by the opposite gender.”

Both of the girls stared at you with slightly growing grins as each of them reached out to drink their beers. The man tried his hardest to ignore what you had just said, he adjusted himself looked away. You were about to walk away, but something else popped into your head, and it was too good to pass up. "Come to think of it. You and Y/N do have one thing in common." You said as you wagged your index finger at him "Both are you are gonna die virgins, that's for sure."

You turned around in your spot and headed for the bar again, a smirk stretching across your lips as one of the girls let out a giggle as the other accidentally spit out a bit of her drink from what you had said. Nonetheless, the man walked away from the girls, leaving them alone to continue on with their night as you made your way back to the bar where you had left the boys. You lean against the wooden countertop and wave up an arm to get the bartender's attention, all while making sure not to accidentally smack the girl in the face that was sitting on the other side of the bar just a seat down. She didn't seem to realize you were standing next to her as she quietly texted on her phone. You notice from her powdered face to make her complexion and outdated outfit she must have been on the actors working tonight, probably the infamous Leticia Gore that was supposed to be haunting the halls. But it seemed that even ghosts needed a break.

"For the last time, I'm not making this up, okay? She—She's upstairs! A real, live, dead ghost!" You looked over your shoulder to see there was a guy, dressed like Sam, going on about being attacked. You wondered if he was just part of the show, but seeing that he was bleeding from the head and showed discolored bruising, you were starting to believe otherwise. His friend tried to calm him down by saying that it could have been one of the actors just getting too into characters, but he caught him off. "Who beat the crap out me and vanished?"

You looked over at the boys and gave a shrug, thinking that you might have possibly gotten a case here, after all. The three of you walked over to the boys and added yourself into the conversation. "You saw something?" Sam asked rather politely. But the guy thought you were trying to play the game like everyone else causing him to look at the taller man with an annoyed glare.

"Look, this isn't part of the game, jerk." He snapped at the three of you, obviously having had enough of tonight's antics as he looked back over at his friend to tell him the change of plans. "Tim, I'm getting out here, and I suggest you do the same."

You watched as the both of them stormed out, one following the other, making you rather curious of what could be going on around here. Perhaps Chuck wasn't too creative at making up his own story for a change and needed a real haunted place to set up the convention for the feel. "What do you think?" Sam asked the both of you.

"I don't think that guy's good enough actor to be acting." Dean said, you nodded your head in agreement.

You and the boys, in true fashion, decided to as around the staff to see if there was possible truth of what people were saying around here. While you had seen a few people taking part of the festivities, you would only think you would be playing along in the game and tell you the same speech they'd been giving everyone dressed in cheap suits and showing off their fake badges. You wandered around the hotel until you spotted a man working behind the front desk, and showing no interest to what was going on around him. And that was the exact person you wanted to personally talk to. You and the brothers began heading for the front desk, you passed a group of people as they all circled around the same man giving the speech earlier tonight. You passed by them showing no amount of interest as you placed your hand on the wooden countertop.

"Excuse us." You said, catching the man's attention as he looked up from his paperwork. You gave him a polite smile as you tapped your fingertips against the countertop. "Mind if we ask you a few questions?"

"Look, I don't have to play 'Star Wars,' guys." He said, showing little interest in keeping this conversation alive. He pointed the tip of his pen across the room, directing your attention over to the man you had just passed. "Go ask the guy in the ascot.”

You and the boys exchanged a look, knowing this wasn't going to be easy, but there was one way to make anybody talk. Dean reached a hand to his back pocket to pull out his wallet. "Actually, we, uh," Slipping out a fifty dollar bill and across the countertop, the sight of green makes the man look up from his paperwork again. "Really want to talk to you."

"Okay. You guys are really into this." The man laughed out, taken back at the money in front him. He cautiously glanced up to see if all of you were being serious, you gave him a small smile that made him confident enough to quietly grab the money while nobody was looking. "What do you want to know?"

"All this stuff they're saying—place being haunted, Leticia Gore. Is there any truth to it?" You asked him, curious for answers.

"We generally don't like to publicize this to, you know, normal people. But, yeah, in 1909, this place was called Gore orphanage. Miss. Gore killed four boys with a butcher knife, then offed herself." He explained to the three of you, giving the exact same information you had heard earlier tonight. Dean asked him if tonight was really the anniversary of the crime, the man nodded his head. "Yep. Guess your convention folks wanted authenticity."

"There been any sightings?" Sam asked.

"Uh, over the years, yeah. A few maids have quit, saying they heard the boys or saw them." The man said. You listened to what he was saying, not having a clue you had two eavesdroppers on the conversation. "A janitor even saw Miss Gore once."

"Where did Miss Gore carve up the kids?" Dean continued on asking, but it seemed that one came with a higher price point.

"Look, I don't want you stomping all over the joint. A lot of this place is off-limits to nerds." He said, not giving up the answer so easily. You rolled your eyes from the remark as Dean took another fifty out from his wallet and discreetly making another offer the man couldn't refuse. Of course he grabbed the cash and tucked it into the inside pocket of his jacket. "The attic."

You gave him another smile and thanked him for the help. All though you weren't too happy at getting this information with a hundred bucks wasted, but you might have actual problems if Miss Gore decided to start carving up a few guests if she gotten word of what was going on around here. You and the boys traveled up to the second floor of the building try and find an entrance to the attic. Sam managed to find the string that dangled from the ceiling, and thanks to his freakishly tall height, he had to just lift up his arm and effortlessly pulled down the flimsy looking ladder that lead to the attic. You always had a little bit of a fear of heights, and looking at the flimsy wood that looked like it couldn't hold your weight without breaking, it made you slightly nervous. But you swallowed down your nervousness as you watched Sam head up first, and besides the creaking coming from the ladder, he made it up relatively safe. You fished out your flashlight and turned it on, making sure to have it handy as you descended your way up to the void of darkness and dust.

Pushing yourself up to a standing position, you left your flashlight on the ground for a moment as you steadied yourself on the attic floor and tried to get the dust off your jeans. You bent back down and grabbed your flashlight to try and navigate your way as Dean crawled his way up from the tiny space that was too narrow for him. You began looking around to look around the place to see what it had become over a hundred years later. Mostly the place had turned into another storage unit for unwanted things like rusty headboards and outdated looking furniture the hotel had long forgotten about. If nobody had heard about the tragic history of this place, someone might not have suspected four brutal murders and a suicide happened right here.

The three of you worked mostly in silence, letting your footsteps treading across the wooden floors and the quiet buzzing coming from the EMF reader be the only noise. Sam stood next to you as he scanned the room to take a brief sweep. You looked over to see the needle was jumping back and forth into place as the little red bulbs were brightly lit. “The EMF’s going nuts.” Sam said.

"Great." You muttered underneath your breath at the dangerous situation that was unfolding. "So, we've got a real ghost, and a bunch of nerds, pretending to be us, poking at it. This isn't gonna end well."

"You know what? Serves them right." Dean said with a snarky tone. You furrowed your brow from his remark as you flashed your light at him. Giving in a dirty look, you mumbled his name underneath your breath as you shook your head. You didn't like this situation as much as he did, but there was no reason to wish harm on someone innocent. It was your job to make sure that didn't happen, much as you despised some of these people. "Well, I'm just saying."

You rolled your eyes from his attitude before parting ways with him, deciding to go on your own for a chance at finding anything that might explain what happened here or where Miss Gore was buried. You didn't have your usual time of research like most hunts. This was more of a spur of the moment with a little bit of background information that was useful enough to know that this place was harboring a malicious spirit that would probably strike again due to some unwanted attention. You quietly wandered through the attic and followed whatever the flashlight could pick up. Mostly all you could see was outdated furniture and rags, not to mention cobwebs and dust. Nothing seemed to have popped out as unordinary, that was, until you heard a childish voice speak from behind you, making you jump a few inches in the air in surprise.

"My mommy loves me." You quickly turned around in your spot to see there was a little boy crouched down in the corner. Your flashlight put a spotlight on him so you could see that he was dressed in dirty clothes, and far outdated for this time period. He stared at you with his hands on his head, and again, he professed something to you. "I said my mommy loves me."

You heard the shuffle of feet across the floor before you saw the boys heading your way at the sound of an unfamiliar voice break the silence. Both of them notice right away of the little boy, you gave him a small smile as you nodded your head. "I'm sure she does." You agreed with the little boy, thinking he must have been one of the victims.

"My mommy loves me this much." The little boy drew out his hands to show you, but you only noticed the wound on his head. Your eyes widened in slight horror at seeing his skull peek through with fresh trickles of blood seeping from the wound. His hair and skin missing from where Miss Gore had butchered it out with the knife. When you glanced back down at the boy, he vanished from your sight, going off back to where he'd been hiding for the past hundred years.

+ + +

You and Dean stayed back, getting a table for yourself and quietly waited for Sam to get back. You scanned the bar to see how things were coming along, only to spot Becky across the room, her gaze solely on the younger Winchester. She quietly sipped on her cocktail and  watched as the man. While Sam busied himself with the conversation, Becky was feeling a bit bold. You didn't know if she was starting to feel a bit tipsy from the drinks from what unfolded next. She lifted up her and decided to lick of her hand to blow a pretend kiss at the man, all before topping off the gesture with an awkward attempt at a wink. Sam responded with an awkward wave from across the room, unsure of what the hell just happened.

You bit the inside of your cheek as you looked over at Chuck, who sat right across from her at the table, looking a little defeated. It seemed your assumption about Chuck was right, he was harboring a crush on his number one fan, who was seemingly a little too preoccupied with the other Winchester. "Awesome." Chuck muttered underneath his breath as he brought his beer glass to his mouth, decided that he was in desperate need of a drink.

Becky had a thing for Sam, who she once only thought was just a fictional character by the author Carver Edlund, only to find out that Sam was a very real person and Carver was just a penname for Chuck. Chuck had first used Becky, the self-titled number one fan, as a way to safely transport some useful information after Lucifer was freed from the cage. Only it seems that after being around her for a little while, he was starting to grow fond of her. Meanwhile, Sam was too obvlious to what was going on, and had no desire to even give Becky the time of day. And here you thought things couldn't have gotten any weirder.

"All right. So, that was the guy with the county historical society." Sam came back to the table after wrapping up his phone call to tell you what he learned. "Not only did Leticia Gore butcher the four boys, one of them was her own son. According to the police at the time, she scalped the poor kid."

"Oh, that's it. I'm gonna deep-fry this bitch extra-crispy." Dean let out a bitter chuckle from hearing the news. Whenever children were involved, it always set something off inside of you, and hearing that a woman had killed her own child out of cold blood made you want to burn her bones fast as possible. “Dude say she was buried?”

“He doesn’t know.” Sam answered.

"Check it out." You heard someone trying to speak in a deep and gravelly voice from behind you, causing you to look over your shoulder at who it was coming from. Two guys, one that you recognized from earlier today as Dean, sat at a small table with his partner, who was attempting at being Sam. "There's the orphanage, here's the Carriage house. And right there, cemetary."

"You think that's where Leticia's planted?" Dean, the imposter, asked his partner. You looked over at the boys with an annoyed look, seeming to realize you had a shadow following on your actual trail. Pushing yourself up to your feet, you casually headed over to the other men, and reached out a hand to take the map from them, only it seemed the fake Dean was fast, letting you only feel the paper before snatching it away. "Hey. Ooh. Hey, hey! Hey, do you mind lady?"

The fake Dean folded the map back up as he gave you a dirty look at trying to steal his piece of evidence from you. "It's real." You said, looking over at the brothers. "A century old, at least."

“And he's right.” Sam said. “There is a cemetery on the grounds.”

"Where'd you get that?" You asked the two men.

"It's called a game, sister." Dean, the player, told you. You raised your brow from his tone of voice, obviously not too amused at the little act he was playing. "It ain't called a 'charity.'"

"All right," Dean stretched out his arm in front him and wiggled his fingers at the man pretending to be him. "Give me the map, chuckles."

"Oh, you're the chuckles...chuckles. Besides," The man failed at an attempt of lashing out another sarcastic jab that only Dean could come up with, but he had other leverage. You quickly bit your bottom lip to keep a laugh from escaping your throat when you watched him lift up his leather jacket, showing off his toy gun that was stuffed in his jeans. "Dean don't listen to nobody."

"Dean, cool it." His friend said, attempting to play his character through.

Dean rolled his eyes from what was unfolding right in front of his very eyes. He copied the other man's actions, but this time, he wasn't afraid to pull out his gun from his jacket, showing it off for a moment before you quickly slapping his palm back so the weapon could be hidden before anyone would notice it. "What, Y/N? They're friggin' annoying."

"So are you, like ninety percent of the time I'm with you and Sam. But you don't see me trying to shoot either one of you." You hissed at him, making the man shove the gun back to where it came from. Dean gave you a glare from forcing him to take the high road. You looked back over at the other men, deciding to try and play peace maker between teams. "Look, guys, we all want to find the bones, right? We just thought it would go faster if we all work together."

Both of the men glanced over at one another and silently tried to figure out what they should do. It took a moment before the one playing Sam looked over at you and nodded his head, agreeing with your plan. "We, uh, we get the Sizzler gift card." He said, wanting to make that clear.

"Fine." Dean grumbled underneath his breath, already he was detesting your plan.

The one playing the oldest Winchester added one more negotiation, "We get to play Sam and Dean."

“Fine with me.” You said, jumping into the conversation again. "As long as I can play Y/N.”

"Is that who you're supposed to be?" The man playing Dean asked. You looked over at him with a confused expression, but you nodded your head, all before asking him what he meant by that. "I mean, you're not really dressed like her. And you're giving me more...Meg vibes. From the way you're dressed to how you've been acting. I mean, this really isn't gonna logically play out. She's a demon trying to kill us. I don't think she would help us—"

"Trust me, I know what that black-eyed bitch is capable of! I've—" You snapped at the men by accident, suddenly finding the thought of being recognized as Meg, the mega bitch who was still roaming around the world, made your skin crawl in annoyance. You find yourself having the same reaction as Dean, but before you could spill any truth, you calmed yourself down by clearing your throat. "I've read the books cover to cover. I just...really don’t like her. I'm playing Y/N. That's final."

"Okay." The one playing Sam said. "If you say so."

You scoffed at what he said and crossed your arms over your chest, watching as the two men began heading for the doorway. Dean followed behind a second later and headed for the Impala to get a few supplies, Sam walked over to you and peered down at you. Looking up, you gave him a glare from what he said next. "I mean, I can kinda see it." He said, his lips stretching into a certain way whenever he was trying to be funny. You narrowed your eyes on him and muttered how much you hated him right now. "Let's go, Shrimp. Before people get the wrong idea."

"I hate you. I really do." You muttered to him. "Sleep with one eye open, Sasquatch."

Sam laughed off your threat as he began walking to the entrance of the hotel, where his brother was waiting ever so impatiently for the two of you. Rolling your eyes, you followed behind, managing to catch up with everyone else. The brothers packed up the supplies you would need for a salt and burn before catching up with the other two men that were playing them. You walked in the middle between both groups, wanting nothing more than for this entire night to be over with. But if you were having a rough night, Dean was slowly losing his nerve, and it wasn't helping when he was forced to agree to play a whole other role beside himself. You looked over your shoulder to the other man when he was trailing behind with a duffel bag full of salt and loaded shotguns, trying his hardest not to use of the weapons on him.

"Hey, Rufus, Bobby," The fake Dean called out, "Would you hurry it up?"

Dean wanted to lash out at the man, but he composed himself long enough to let the situation roll off his back. The men in front of you continued on with the game they were playing. "So, where were we?" The one playing Sam asked as he walked through the dark hotel grounds.

"Uh, Dr. Ellicott had just zapped your brain." His friend said, setting the scene.

And here you thought things between the two men couldn't have gotten any weirder, you realized they were acting out scenes from the book. You rolled your eyes and looked up at the night sky for a second to calm yourself down the cringing feeling that was starting to settle in the atmosphere. You were trying so hard to be understanding, but they were making it harder with each passing second. "Why are we even here, Dean?" The one playing Sam asked his friend. "Do you just follow in Dad's footsteps like a good, little soldier? Are you that desperate for approval?"

"This isn't you talking, Sam." The fake Dean said.

"See, that's the difference between you and me. I got a mind of my own. I'm not pathetic." The one playing Sam said. You found yourself thinking the last line he said was slowly starting to come true. But you kept your opinion to yourself.

"So, what are you gonna do, Sam?" The fake Dean questioned him. "You gonna kill me?"

"Man, I am so sick of you telling me what to do!"

"Oh, you know what? That—That's it. That is it." Dean officially hit his breaking point, having enough with the flashbacks that were starting to come back. And seeing these two chuckleheads acting it out was the cherry on top of a disastrous night. The man pretending to be him asked him what was wrong, Dean rolled his eyes when he was addressed as Bobby Singer. The man he was supposed to be playing in this bogus game. "I'm not Bobby, okay? You're not Sam. You're not Dean! What is wrong with you? Why in the hell would you choose to be these guys?"

"Because we're fans, like you." The fake Sam said.

"No. I am not a fan, okay? Not fans." Dean said, wanting to make the point crystal clear. "In fact, I think the 'Dean, Sam and Y/N' storyline sucks! It is not fun. It's not entertaining. It's a river of crap that would send most people howling to the nuthouse! So, you listen to me. Their pain is not for your amusement. I mean, do you think that they enjoy being treated like—like circus freaks?"

"Uh, I don't think they care," The man playing Dean said. "Because they're fictional characters."

"Oh, they care. Believe me." Dean hissed at the two men. "They care a lot."

And with that said, Dean pushed himself between the two men and began walking off again, needing to get the anger out before he mentioned something he would regret. You slowly looked over at the men, who were staring at you and Sam with the most complexed expression, wondering what the hell had just unfolded. "He, uh..." You tried your hardest to explain Dean's outburst, but you were falling short of a reasonable one. "He takes the story really seriously." You gave both of the men a smile before you were walking past them, trying to figure out your way to the cemetery, wanting nothing more than for this hunt to be over with.

[boredout305]

Geza X Interview from 2005, Part One

Way back in 2005, Mor and I met up with Geza X at a recording studio he was working at in Los Angeles. It’s been a longtime since, and memories like vision just get worse, but I recall he had one of the late Rob Ritter’s (Gun Club, Bags, 45 Grave, etc.) amps there which he’d purchased from his former Silver Chalice band mate back in the ‘80s. Of all the illustrious accomplishments on Geza’s resume and cool stuff he had around, having Rob’s old amp really impressed me. This interview originally ran on a small website we started (In a Better World), long-since defunct. I want to point out that Mor was only nineteen when she did this interview. I think she did a great job and I wish she’d stuck with interviewing people. Geza was really pleasant, by the way. -Ryan Leach 

Interview by Mor Fleisher-Leach 

Mor: Having recorded so many singles, how do you think the demise of the 45 affected rock ‘n’ roll music?

Geza: Let me back track a little bit, because I grew up in the ‘60s and heard a lot of the one-hit-wonder bands. There were so many groups with regional hits, like The Standells and The Seeds—stuff like that. Even bands like Love, who were very big in one area of the country, weren’t that well known in other parts. I used to listen to these singles. In fact, I used to go to thrift stores and collect all these Dogs and other bands’ singles that just never made it out of their city. Sometimes there would be an incredible song on there. This was the era when The Beatles and all those types of bands had hit singles and the format was so big with radio. Radio was a lot different in those days. DJs would play various genres on pop radio during their sets, so you’d get a psychedelic song followed by Tom Jones. It was just a completely different world and I loved it. I was really interested in music, but I was also a student demonstrator. I was involved in leading all of the UCLA anti-war protest marches when the UC schools went on strike. I was a big activist, but I was always following the underground music scene. There were so many obscure bands who had one really great song. That aspect of 45s caught my attention and I became fascinated with singles. What happened when punk rock hit was that there was naturally some intrigue about the music. Jimmy Carter heard about it and said, “Well, we can’t have that in this country! They’re talking about anarchy!” President Carter sent out a memo to the heads of all the record companies promising them these humongous tax breaks if they didn’t sign any punk rock artists. That’s why none of us got signed by the majors and only the real sugarplum bands like X or The Dickies got record deals on the West Coast. We were a lot more like the English version of punk rock. The first wave of punk rock during The Masque era was very anti-art and Dada influenced.

Mor: How do you think it was different on the East Coast?

Geza: The punk audiences and artists on the East Coast were generally older and came out of this New York Dolls tradition. It was good stuff. The whole skinny-tie thing came from the East Coast. We just wanted beer. Nickey Beat was making these incredible shirts with spray paint and things like that, so we were really going with the razorblades and safety pins aesthetic out here in LA. But back to the singles—when I had the opportunity to start recording bands, there was nobody releasing stuff. We were almost forced to start the DIY movement, so we met the people at the pressing plants. We pressed singles because putting them out was still relatively cheap and we’d cram as many songs on there as we could. Sometimes a single had three or four songs on it. Everybody in those days had a record player and all the punkers were really broke; they’d blast punk singles on cheap record players. Singles were a really good format for punk. I was trying to bring back the one-hit wonders, which I did succeed in doing with a lot of the groups that I recorded. I spotted the bands that were really strong and I was looking for good material.

Mor: You produced the first Germs single, correct?

Geza: Well, it was not technically the first Germs single (“Forming” on Chris Ashford’s What Records?). They took some cassette that they had recorded that was really fuzzy and released it as a single. That was their first single. I did their first major deal for Slash Records (“Lexicon Devil”). It was a single that Slash put out when they became a label after their run as an underground magazine ended.

Mor: When did you first start theorizing about X-Music?

Geza: Between 1970 to 1972, I really started thinking about what was wrong with music. I liked underground music, but I saw the train coming in where everybody was going into this lame stage with bands like Bread. Really terrible ‘70s, post-hippie dumbed-down bands that were pretty tame in comparison to the underground music of the ’60s. I thought the ‘70s were an era where music was dying. I started thinking to myself—what would be the most extreme thing I could do that would be the total opposite of that? I liked Frank Zappa and Captain Beefheart and all those really weird, atonal bands, so I started playing with a lot more dissonance and what I called “X-chords”—which were just tritones. I read all these books on music theory. In the Middle Ages, people were afraid of these chords because they thought they would call forth the Devil, so people would be beheaded if they accidentally played them. If the court jester was playing along and accidentally hit a tritone, they would say, “Off with his head!” You had to be really careful around the church when you were playing tritones, so of course I bashed them out as loud as I could!

Mor: How was it different playing with bands like The Bags as opposed to The Deadbeats or The Mommymen were you would play X-chords?

Geza: The Bags was more of a poppy-punky band. I liked that kind of music too, because I liked so many different styles, including good top-40 and stuff that had a hard rock feel to it. I got into punk because in those days we were all starving to hear three-chord songs, but everything sounded like The Eagles, James Taylor and disco. All of that music was like a curse on LA in the ‘70s. If you turned a little amplifier up past “two” on the volume knob, you’d get booted out of these singer-songwriter clubs. Everything was acoustic and really cheesy and there were all these sensitive artists singing about these really sensitive things and I would just think, “Where’s the blood?” Needless to say, The Ramones showed up and played really loud and we were all really excited about it.

Mor: You joined The Bags early on, right?

Geza: Yes. It was pretty much around when The Sex Pistols and The Ramones had just started breaking out, and I was thinking “God this is great music.” My friend Joe Nanini and I said “Okay, we’re gonna join a punk-rock band.” Joe had moved to LA from Santa Maria with me, and he ended up joining The Bags too before he went on to Wall of Voodoo. I’d try to throw in a couple X-chords in with the Bags from time to time, but they’d get really mad at me.

Mor: Why did you go on to The Deadbeats after that?

Geza: I always liked kind of obscure, goofy, weird music. In those days, there was nothing like that. I was the only person I knew that was playing music in that vein. Then I met this band called The Deadbeats, and they were doing something very similar. Nickey Beat introduced me to them and I just thought “I’m home!” X-chords and all—they were ready for me. So that became a really happy outlet for some very arty, Dada rock. I really got to get my art-rock chops out with the Deadbeats. We would also wear costumes on stage which was really a no-no in those days with punk. We would perform brain surgery on stage with manikins.

Mor: After that you did the Mommymen which was your own thing.

Geza: Right. It was a similar thing to the Deadbeats, but it was a little bit more in between. I don’t know what I was thinking; I thought for sure it was going to be the next big punk hit. Now I listen to the Mommymen stuff and it’s so weird.

Mor: What was it like making the Mommymen record (You Goddamn Kids)? I heard you had some studio trouble.

Geza: No, not exactly. What happened was the studio where I recorded the Mommymen record was rented by these guys named Larson and Bobby Paine. Those guys were legends in the scene. They were not exactly part of the punk scene, but they were sort of lurking around it as producers. They were really cool guys and very talented songwriters. They really knew music and a fair amount about the studio. They worked with the Go-Go’s and Fear. They worked with a lot of bands before they came up, and of course they got shafted by all of them because that’s the way the world works. So anyway, those guys were my home team and good friends of mine. Bobby ended up playing bass in the Mommymen for a while. He and his brother Larson had rented this studio and they were cutting demos there. They were recording Fear demos, which I worked on. They were also doing Levi and the Rockats demos. They did the first Josie Cotton tracks, some of which appeared on her album (Convertible Music). I became an engineer at their studio sort of by accident. They’d asked every engineer in the city to help them get their studio running properly. They had rented it, but the gear was just sitting there and it was really old and trashed and none of it was really working correctly. In those days, I was this post-speed freak tweeker fiend, but I had this way with electronics gear. Finally, in desperation after they tried every engineer and they’d all gone running out of there in terror, they said “Look, you want to come in and goof around with this equipment and see what’s going on?” I went in there and thought there was no way to fix it—to have it actually working properly—unless I just took it all apart. They got really nervous, and I asked them to just go away and I’d do it and everything would be fine. So they came back about four days later. I don’t remember this story, but apparently Josie (Cotton) remembers it quite vividly and told me about it. I had every piece of gear on the floor taken apart, including this old plastic 8-track tape machine, and everything was just laying on the floor. They say I was petting the parts and talking to them.

Mor: Was this drug influenced?

Geza: No, I didn’t take drugs in those days, but that’s after I had taken loads of them! In those days, that’s what I used to do because I was always broke and I had very little electronic equipment. But I liked recording, so I would just get whatever was around and I didn’t have any money to repair the equipment so I had to talk to the gear. Anyway, I put it all together and it worked and I made a bunch of records there including my own.

Mor: How was the process of making that (You Goddamn Kids) record?

Geza: It was really fun. It wasn’t all tube gear, but there was some tube gear in there because it was a really old studio. It was a small place, but it had a decent sound—like a project studio. Even back then, I was totally in the DIY mode. I really have to say that I was probably one of the people who started the DIY movement back in ’77 and ’78. It was what went on to become DIY recording and so-called alternative rock. Of course, at one time it really was alternative.

[americanbackyard]

Is The Right Even Real?

The total of right wing crazies may be smaller than it appears but the fools who accept conspiracy theories without speculation, like tabloid readers, are a viable demographic to make some money off of, whether they are really particularly into it or not. Like driving alone in the carpool lane for half a mile, or not cleaning up after their dog on the neighbor's lawn, they like to ignore practical reality for just a few minutes to give their feigning egos a little boost. The right has been an easy target audience for over half a century, and one might question whether the entire Conservative movement is real or just a corporate sales creation similar to Hallmark Holidays.

Is the RIght even real? Was it ever? We see people arguing online constantly about Democrats and Republicans being at opposite sides as now some hundred years ago. David Brock even wrote about that being an issue in the last half a century. But what calls these shots? What force drives these changes? If there are even changes at all. And there are those who argue that there are not two parties but just one. Seems like a lot pf people want simple answers but overcomplicate things listening to others while still hungry for  the answers to questions they actually might have never asked if not prompted by outside sources feeding on their insecurity-based curiosities, and selling them memberships to an IV drip of unhealthy bullshit.

Like the wagon that pulls into town in the middle of the night, driven by a self-described doctor, selling tonics and potions, cure-alls for what ails, all really just highly addictive abstracts in a new and fascinating package for those who are willingly swayed by the nonsensical, if it means something good for them will happen, is precisely how folks fall for incredibly illogical and ridiculously irresponsible trains of thought about things, then go into the world, beaming about their newfound alternate to the ordinary, or even to reality.

Too many on the right reject the notion that they believe in a product, and are addicted to it. Like cigarettes and alcohol, things that are bad for you but you do it anyway and sometimes don’t even know why. These things are legal and readily available and give brief moments of relaxation or escapes from the moment. There’s nothing like a smoke and a cold beer after a hard day, and there’s nothing like some source that supplies validation and recognition with promises of more to come. In all cases, the product they hype is deadly. But unlike the cigarettes and booze, there is no warning label on the disinformation being sold as some “real deal”. 

Now the Right’s suppliers of “Right” have their perfect spokesman. A man whose entire adult life has been spent recklessly avoiding responsibility or judgment, who promotes living high and doing anything one wants, who has graced the covers of many periodicals, although mostly supermarket rags, or hawking mediocre wine and steaks, cheap cologne, boring slave labor-made business attire, worthless “university” degrees, and high-rise luxury apartments without fire suppression systems. All while stiffing contractors and utilizing bankruptcy like a permanent hall pass, and is given more attention with every failure and outrage. And now he is in the halls of The White House. 

The Right truly is not real. It is broken and bent, without identity, without a united mission, and deserves to be called something else. The Wrong sounds pretty good. The Fake, The Unreal, The Fright, anything that describes better what their “party” is. But is certainly is not real, nor is it right. It is nothing but a packaged poison, a colorful cleaner in a bottle without a child-proof lid, pest control poison that resembles candy. It’s yummy to some who have not been trained to avoid bad things, and deadly to us all.