#Like i said i don’t follow ed and generally don’t listen to much of his music beyond a few songs

[justmeinadaze]

"I'm Just a F**ked Up Girl Looking For Her Own Peace of Mind"

I'm currently experience this and struggling with it so I wrote a little thing here. *sighs*

TW: Mental health (anxiety and depression), child abuse, mentions of suicidal thoughts. Reader has a breakdown and the guys help her through.

Eddie firmly barreled open the front door as he powerwalked into the house. Steve had texted those two words he dreaded every time he got a text from the former jock. 

“Bad day.”

When they started dating you, you told them about your past. About the hospital stay and medication… the depressive lows and manic anxiety episodes… the thoughts that pushed through your head from time to time even though your life was so much better now than where it had been. 

“I’m not…easy…to be with.”

“That’s ok, honey, neither are we.”

You three had laughed at that at the time. 

The first time they experienced it broke their hearts for you. People always mentioned “feeling depressed” or “oh I’m so anxious about this thing!” but they discovered the true meaning of those words during your first break in front of them.

They hadn’t moved in with you yet so you were able to hide the fact that you hadn’t been sleeping. Your mind constantly reminding you of things that needed to be done and how you were a failure for not doing them. Nightmares plagued your dreams at all hours so you just gave up, scrolling through your phone instead as the mental illness continued to whisper.

“Do better. You’re lazy. May as well just get it over with and end the burden you put on people.”

That following evening you had a date night with them at their place and you couldn’t cancel. You genuinely wanted to see them but you were so tired…

“A good girlfriend goes out on dates. Go ahead. Cancel. Let’s see how quick they leave you for someone better.”

Through the first half of the movie they put on, your leg never stopped moving. Steve watched as your eyes never stayed focus in one place. Eddie felt your erratic energy radiate off you as you switched from holding his hand to letting go every few minutes. 

“Baby? Is everything ok?”

“Yeah.”, you responded a bit too enthusiastically. “Yeah, Ed, I’m fine. I’m just…I’m just a bit tired. It’s ok. I’ll get over it.”

Steve paused the film and as his hand petted your head you broke down. 

“I’m sorry. Fuck! Why can’t I be normal?! I’m ruining everything. You should just leave me and find someone better.”

“Hey, hey. No. Sweetheart, no one is better than you.”

“Talk to us, honey. What’s going on?”

You sobbed as you told them what had been happening over the last few days. The listened intently, comforting you anyway they could think of in that moment. 

“They don’t go away, Steve. Those thoughts never go away. Most days I can manage them but they are always there. W-Who can I tell? If I tell a therapist or a doctor they will put me back in the hospital even though I’m not going to do anything… I can’t tell my friends because I feel like I’m burdening them or they just don’t care. I can’t tell people in general because then I’m being ‘overdramatic’. I can’t take time to heal because I’m supposed to ‘suck it up’. So I do… Eddie, I want my brain to just stop telling me I want to die because I really don’t. Some days, though, on bad days…it’s so loud…”

The metalhead yanked you to his chest as you cried, crying with you as he tightened his grip as if he could squeeze all your broken pieces back together. He’d give anything to take your pain away, they both would. 

Today was a manic day and Steve picked up on it fast. Today was his day off and as soon as you woke up, you barely said a word. He asked you if you wanted breakfast and you shot him an angry look as you walked away. Turning on the tv, he put on the game but after a few minutes you came around the corner snapping at him to turn the noise down. Even when he muted the sound, he could hear you growling and swearing under your breath as you moved around the bedroom. 

Other people would see it as you being a brat; causing drama for the sake of drama. 

You wished you could make the world understand that was the opposite of what you wanted. In an episode like this everything was just…amplified…and for some reason your brain insisted it was on purpose. Steve was purposely turning up the volume to get under skin. The birds chirping outside knew you were on the edge so they gathered outside your window with intent. Even the clock on the bed side table was mocking you. 

Both men tried to handle days like this by themselves but when it got to a certain point, they knew they needed to come together to help you. That point came when you abruptly screamed and threw something hard against the wall. 

When Eddie entered the bedroom, Steve was off to the side watching you as you angrily paced, fluttering your fingers with eyes squeezed tightly closed. 

“What happened?”

Your eyes open at the sound of his voice as you shrugged and threw your hands in the air. 

“What happened? What the fuck happened?! Oh, I don’t know. Where do we start, Eddie?! This house is a fucking mess. I tell you guys all the time I need fucking help! I’m not a maid! I’m your girlfriend! But who fucking cares right?! We can just live in trash and be unhappy!”

They knew better than to respond. Before you three moved in together, you had suggested they come to therapy with you and they were surprised with some of the things they learned. They and even you knew they were more than accommodating when it came to housework and splitting household chores. When you were growing up, however, it was never enough.

“Jesus Christ, Y/N, look at this mess! Did you do anything today?!”

Little you looked around at the immaculate living room wondering what else you could have missed. 

“I work and I slave all day at a job I hate so you can have food and a roof! The least you could do is fucking get off your ass and clean a bit!”

“I-I’m sorry, mama.”

“Don’t be sorry. Just do your job! We’re a team remember? I need you to pull your weight.”

They could almost see interactions like that replaying through your eyes and it killed them. They also saw how fast the logic brain took over as you realized what you were doing before the depressive brain abruptly took over.

“I’m sorry. I-I don’t mean to… I know I’m being crazy…I just…” You lean your back against the wall and slide to the floor with your hands over your ears. 

Both men descend with you, crawling closer to you and as soon as Steve’s hand touches your bicep you head shoots up with eyes full of tears. 

“I’m sorry. You two don’t deserve this. I’m a terrible girlfriend.”

“No, baby, you’re not terrible. Everything’s ok.”

“I-I-I appreciate…e-e-every…everything you guys do. Fuck. Everything is so loud, Eddie. I can’t… I couldn’t…I just wanted to scream…”

“Then scream.” You laughed at his response as you wiped your eyes but he insisted. “I’m serious, sweetheart. Just let go.”

“What about…about the neighbors?”

“Like they don’t get an earful almost every night.”, he jokes, grinning when you laugh again. “Go ahead. Just lean back and let loose.”

You roll your eyes as you do what he says but it’s a small shout that barely echoes in the room. 

“Wow. That was both adorable and pathetic. Come on now. Steve, why don’t you try?”

Chuckling, he struggles to stop smiling making you giggle harder before finally closing his eyes and letting out a good scream that makes the metalhead clap. 

“That’s the king of Hawkins right there! Now try again princess.”

Sighing at his antics, you do as he says actually letting go while they scrunch their face and cover their ears. 

“Woo! That was like Banshee from X-Men! Way to go!”

“What about you, nerd?”, you ask as he smirks.

Eddie doesn’t even hesitate as he leans his head back and howls loudly like a wolf. 

“I love you both.”, you softly grin as you reach for both boy’s hands. “I’m sorry for being…me.”

Wrapping his arms around your shoulders, Steve tilts you closer to him and kisses the top of your head. 

“Don’t ever apologize for being you, honey. We love you. Every part of you.”

“We know everyday you’re trying, baby. Unlike your mother who insists on being an evil little gremlin.” You giggle at Eddie’s interpretation. “Like your wizard of a therapist said, healing takes time and we’ll be with you every step of the way.”

“Jesus, Munson, you ARE a nerd.”, Steve jests. “But the other stuff he said I agree with.”

“Oh please! Tell me her doctor doesn’t sound like Gandalf from time to time.”

“I still have no idea who that is.”

After rising to his feet, the metalhead grabs your hands and pulls you off the floor. 

“Well, I know what we’re doing tonight.”, he announces with a mischievous smirk before kissing your lips and running back towards the living room. 

“I’ll make dinner.”, Steve murmurs as he leans down to kiss your lips as well. 

“Oh, you know he won’t allow that. He’s going to want you in front of the tv so you don’t miss anything.”

“True. Hm. How about Enzos delivered?”

When you nod, he caresses your cheek before disappearing after his friend. 

As your eyes glance around the room again everything seems different than it did before. Instead of seeing a mess ridden, dark empty area, you saw a bright room filled with memories of the men you loved making you laugh and feel loved unconditionally. 

“But for how long? It’s only a matter of time.”

“No, it’s not.”, you whisper. 

Taking a deep breath, you head towards the living room where Eddie and Steve greet you with a comforting smile. 

[hotluncheddie]

stop being a goblin and let me kiss you

part 3

˚✧₊⁎ ⁎⁺˳✧༚ ⁎⁺˳✧༚

‘ok. ok! you just, you just gotta be cool munson. be casual. chill. just like, vibe, yeah? yeah. no more funny business.’ eddie holds his fists up to himself in the dinky bathroom mirror. a couple of jabs, a quick one two, that’ll clear his head.

clear his head enough to go out and deal with steve fucking harrington again and his stupid stupid face and neck and tongue and like pretty fucking ankle bones. fucker.

see eddies not blind, and he’s not that dumb, he knows he flirts with steve and he knows steve flirts back. he just. cant deal with it just yet. it’s like every time he’s around the guy he blacks out and resurfaces red faced and half hard. but the point at which his vision fades and all hell breaking loose seems to vary so completely that he can’t stop it happening.

their conversations will start normal, a jolly lark, a guffaw here, a story there but then bam! someone said or did something that shifted his functioning brain capacity from 60% on a good day to like -5% and that’s being generous.

he just can’t get his ratty little self to either 1) stop liking steve harrington in a gay, gay, homosexual way. or 2) accept that someone like steve harrington could possibly like aforementioned rat himself eddie munson and actually process his feeling into a reaction that’s more than; red, red, half a boner, sweaty palms, red.

so he took a second to hide in the bathroom. that’s fine, that’s kind even. self care, as robin likes to say when she paints her nails on top of steve’s head when he sits on the computer at work. he likes to make the chair super low because apparently it helps his posture and he need to keep an eye on his posture or else he’ll end up like his great uncle melvin, or something.

self care time is over however because robins knocking on the little bathroom door, hollering about needing to get home to practice for her english presentation tomorrow. so it’s time for eddie to put his big boy pants back on and get in steve’s car.

eddie full body shudders.

‘finish writing you sad boy poems on the stall walls in there? roses are red, violets are blue, i like big dumb jock boys but can’t seem to accept they like me too, even if my very cool very in the know friend robin tells me too. hm?’ robin slings an arm over his shoulder and steers him back to the table.

eddie sniffs, crossing his arms ‘that last bit doesn’t rhyme so, i will be ignoring all of it. F for u buckbey.’

‘not everything has to rhyme perfectly u know. it can still fit together just fine as it is.’ she tugs on one of his curls before slipping back into steve side, finishing off the last of his milkshake and hauling him out of the booth because she ‘has shit to do dingus.’

too smart for her own good that chick. eddie loves her. he’s also going to move away and never talk to her ever again, maybe steal her collection of berets too, become a hat guy, once he reinvents himself. yeah.

steve is putting a few bills on the table, slinging his jacket over his shoulder. ‘just fries tonight ed’s? that makes you kind of a cheap date don’t you think?’ tapping eddie under the chin before following robin to the door, smacking his palm on the frame above on the way out. because of course he does, the neanderthal. all broad shoulders and biceps and ass.

there a second where eddie thinks steve could smack him like that but then he feels his vision spotting. can a guy not catch a break around here? jesus!

the car ride is a blissful reprieve due to cyndi lauper coming on, which had steve and robin performing a duet. which then needed to be tweaked and discussed in detail ready for the next time that specific song came on the radio.

it was honestly nice to watch. eddie had walked to family video that day because his van keeps playing up after it’s stint hidden in the woods. poor girl just needs a day off once in a while so eddie walks and then listens to car duets from two very much none singers. but it nice. makes his heart all yucky and warm.

until robin is leaving. leaving him alone to be a big nerd with a future. leaving him alone to make a fool of himself again. his ego is big and he likes to keep it that way.

‘you coming up here then’ steve shifts slightly, looking as far as he can over his shoulder at eddie huddled behind the drivers seat. ‘no’ he squeaks because last time steve got all up in his face getting his tape box out of the glove compartment. rifling through it while it was on eddies lap. so close eddie could smell the apple from his shampoo and the cigarette they’d shared earlier.

self care.

‘ooh you want the full harington taxi service do you? i see, well then govna, where too is it?’ steve tips his invisible cap and has the most awful cockney accent eddies ever heard, and he did middle school theatre.

‘geeze, just take me home dude.’ eddie shoves through the gap between the seats, landing heavy in the passenger. crossing his arms and trying to hide his smile behind his hair.

‘there he is. out of the shadows.’ steve tucks some of his curls behind his ear. eddie sees the soft smile out of his peripheral. tries to swallow the cotton in his mouth. steve turn back to the road ‘let’s rock ‘n roll’ he revvs the engine, wiggling his eyebrows, before checking his blind spot and pulling away into a cushy 30mph.

eddie looks out the window and hides his grin in his palm.

˚✧₊⁎ ⁎⁺˳✧༚ ⁎⁺˳✧༚

part 1 (eddie) part 2 (steve) part 4 (steve) part 5 (eddie) part 6 (steve) part 7 (eddie)

tags! ( ty for asking to be tagged wow so lovely can’t believe it hehe :3c ) (sry if i missed anyone or u didn’t want to be tagged just let me know!)

@bidisastersworld @sadcanadianwinter @mightbeasleep @butterflysandpeppermint @gregre369 @fandomz-brainrot @satan-is-obsessed @resident-gay-bitch @grtwdsmwhr @forsexyscience

[pouringmyheartoutforpaper]

it’s midnight and i just. i have this stuck in my head.

steve who’s used to every little disagreement turning into a big fight so he snaps/yells at reader and when they don’t return that fight and just kind of shutdown steve panics and feels so so guilty

my love you hit me in the soft spot. i cry so hard whenever anyone even slightly yells at me.

tw: not a lot but i thought id put one to make sure everyones safe <3: bit of a disagreement, reader with vague past relationship trauma if you squint, sensitive reader, anxious reader, oblivious steve, in love steve, steve in general. if anything from above is something you cant handle right now thats perfectly okay and ill see you next time!

steve is very very very gentle. hes calm and collected and mostly rational. so arguments are extremely rare.

but today steve was tired. oh so tired. and he missed you. so much. so when you were being almost silent on the car ride home from the bi-weekly dinner with the kids, robin and eds, he was freaking out.

the waitress was very subtly flirting with him. in a way where only the girls at the table knew what was going on.

of course steve had no interest in her, for gods sake. he didnt even look at her for more than two seconds.

you werent mad at him. no, he handled it very well. he passed all the tests. you were just sad. comparing yourself to the blonde waitress. thinking about how many people want him that you dont even know about. the little voice in your head saying “why does he want you?” and looking for signs of infidelity, coming back emptyhanded as always, shamefully reminding you that hes not your past relationships.

so no you werent mad at him. you were mad at you.

but we all know hes a little bit… slow sometimes. so that doesnt even occur to him.

what if you lost interest in him? what if you think hes annoying? why are you mad at him?

his fears only heightening when you give him a small smile when he opens the front door for you, instantly heading to the kitchen to get some water, hoping itll make you feel better.

“whats your problem tonight?”

oh.

“…what?” and you stare directly down at the countertop because you can already feel yourself tearing up at his tone.

“what do you mean ‘what?’. youve been acting weird since we left.”

he really doesnt mean for it to sound so angry, if you listened a little closer you might be able to hear the desperation in his voice.

“…the waitress”

“what?”

“she was flirting with you.

“what?”

he throws his head back and puts his hands to his face in exasperation. before realizing that youre a little too quiet… and shaking?

his tone brought back memories and fear. fear that he would just find someone else since you were bothering him. and youd be left alone again, but only this time unable to pick up the pieces.

and now hes horrified because he didnt mean to sound angry, he was just frustrated and didnt even think about how sensitive his girl was to things like that.

but you were too far gone now. your ears ringing and your breath escaping you. fighting back tears with every bone in your body, and losing said fight.

and so you turned around to look at him. and your eyes betray you once more. instantly filling with tears that make steves face drop and heart fall.

“m’sorry steve” but your voice falters and breaks before the first sob racks through your body, walking as quickly as you can to his bedroom to clean yourself up.

HES FREAKING OUT SO BAD

he feels absolutely awful. poor man starts crying too, but makes himself stop for his apology, not wanting to scare you further.

following behind you and knocking on his own door.

“babydoll, can i come in?”

youre standing in front of his mirror. eyes puffy and red and shaking. you knew steve wouldnt leave. you knew he wasnt like that. but you were crying anyways, which only made you cry more out of embarrassment.

“…yeah” you call weakly, still not looking up as he opens the door.

his arms are around you instantaneously

“‘m so sorry baby i didnt mean to sound angry, i wasnt thinking. im sorry.”

“its okay, im sorry i-”

“no, you have nothing to be sorry for. you’re allowed to get sad. theres nothing wrong with it, id never judge you for that. i was just being… stupid cause i didnt get it y’know? i mean i literally am horrifyingly in love with you. im like obsessed with you… not in a weird way…. anyways! and i get jealous all the time. like everyday, even over small things. that barista the other day? coulda killed that guy. y’had me studying how to make lattes babe.”

and of course youre giggling. his polo shirt saturated with tears and pure joy.

“i love you so much.”

“i love you most. i know you dont really think id look at anyone but you, right? but if you need confirmation i will go and take back the tip we gave that lady.”

more giggles.

and that was the difference. steve embraced your sensitivity. he loved it actually. loved the way you care about things. love the way you pick up on energies before anyone else. loves everything about you. including some of the not so pretty things.

[riddle-me-ri]

ri, be still my beating heart. You would have no idea but I love- I mean ADORE sharing the shower prompts. It's such an intimate act it drives me wild. Can I get some appreciation for Dano Riddler sharing the shower?

Congrats on 500 followers! You deserve all the love you're getting- And please rest up. Stocking is a hard gig, I know.

Sweetlikehoneystingslikeabee🦊

A/N: asdfgh right?? Like peak intimate soft close moments that could easily go fluffy or smutty at the drop of a hat. Absolutely one of my favorite prompts, I'm glad to see other like minded folks lol. Thanks so much Fox, I appreciate it! And no worries I've definitely been taking it easy where I can.

Word Count: 520

Reevesverse/Dano Riddler - Sharing a Shower

You stuck your hand under the running shower head, testing to ensure the water wasn’t too hot or cold for your liking. 

You were trying to stay awake so you could see your boyfriend, Edward, when he got home. You wanted to try and go to bed together for once instead of waking up the next morning and he’s suddenly there. 

You were about to discard your clothes when you heard the front door open. 

“Eddie?” You ran out of the bathroom heading to the living room. 

Edward dropped his duffel bag onto the floor beside the door. He began shucking off his heavy jacket and hung it up. 

“Hey…I thought you’d be asleep by now.” 

“I tried staying up this time…I miss you.” 

“I-I’m sorry, I miss you too.” 

“I was just about to take a shower…would you like to join me?” You asked. 

Ed’s eyes widened, his cheeks tinted a slight red. However, he couldn’t say no. 

You looked down at the loofah in your hands as you added a generous amount of bath soap. You began rubbing it and made sure the soap was spread evenly. 

You looked up and noticed Edward hadn’t moved at all. He was staring at you, with a soft adoring expression. 

“Eddie?” 

His head perked up. “Hm?” 

“Your hair?” 

“Oh, uh…right, yeah. Sorry…” He stuck his head beneath the shower’s stream and began diligently getting the conditioner out. 

You giggled, he had no right to be as cute as he is.

Once his hair was rinsed, you gave him a sweet kiss on the lips. 

“Thank you.” You said softly. 

He jumped slightly when he felt the loofah touch his skin. You waited until he got used to the texture before washing him. 

You scrubbed and rubbed all along his shoulders, chest, and then you began going lower to his stomach. 

Ed tensed up again, inhaling to tuck in some of the plump skin there at the end of his stomach. 

You sighed. “Eddie, breathe.” 

He held his breath. You ceased your movements. Not treating him if he was going to be hard on himself. 

Less than a minute goes by before Edward gives in. As soon as he exhales his stomach protuded out more. His eyebrows furrowed uncertainly as you continued to scrub his stomach. 

“You know I love you, right?” You leaned in and kissed his cheek before leaning in closer to his ear. “All of you, so don’t worry so much. You’re perfect to me.” 

Edward shivered at the proximity, but you could feel him nod his head against yours. “I-I know…I just-I love you too.” 

When he was covered in soap, you lazily wrapped your arms around him from behind. His hand went over where your hands were clasped on top of his stomach. 

You rested your cheek on his back. Listening to the lull of the running water and enjoyign his proximity. 

Soon you felt a slight bubbly sensation on his stomach. 

You giggled. “Hungry?”

“Y-Yeah…a little.” 

“Okay, let’s get dried off. I’ll reheat your plate.” 

“Oh, and I even made your favorite dessert! Pumpkin pie!”

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

There was a party outside the Bill Murray pub yesterday, home to Angel Comedy, a really really cool comedy club in London. They had comedians doing sets out of windows and off of rooftops, a situation in which filming and sharing the film on the internet is fair game, because if you don’t want the shit you say posted online, you shouldn’t shout it from a rooftop to a crowded yard in the middle of the afternoon. As such, yesterday I posted a video of Sam Campbell’s set, which was fucking awesome and everyone should go watch it and take the advice in his crowd work about downloading videos off YouTube.

Sam Campbell talked some shit about Nish Kumar during his set, and this is because Nish was the headline act, so he was in the area to make Sam say horrible things or whatever else he was accused of doing. Well guess what, everyone? That guy who filmed Sam Campbell also got Nish Kumar’s entire 24-minute set, which is fucking amazing. I have been lucky enough to hear a lot of stand-up comedy in the last couple of years, and this specific video, for the novelty of the occasion and the timing and everything else, is one of my favourite things I’ve gotten. And I’m allowed to share it. Because if you don’t want the things you say shared on the public internet, you shouldn’t shout them from a rooftop like, to quote the eighth wonder of the world, a fucking Beatle. (This weirdly is not the first time I’ve said the following sentence on this blog: “That analogy is of course imperfect, because hopefully Nish Kumar has beaten fewer women than John Lennon.”) When I made my post yesterday comparing the rooftop comedians to Beatles, I had not yet heard Nish Kumar’s set in which he did the same thing. I mean, it’s a very obvious comparison to make and was probably everyone’s first thought, but still, let me have this, I like that I chose the same comparison as Nish Kumar.

This is so fucking cool. This is, as Nish acknowledges right at the beginning, pretty much exactly how Nish Kumar is meant to be. He should always be shouting his material from a fucking rooftop, really. I’ve heard him talk in podcasts about how weird it is (in good ways and bad ways) that sometimes some of his gigs start to feel like a rally, but I’ve heard a bunch of Nish Kumar stand-up gigs and I’ve never heard that rally effect before this one. The way the audience cheers and whoops the more significant points, that’s the rally he’s described on podcasts. I’m going to guess the rally effect was triggered 5% because a major general election has just been called so everyone’s feeling pretty hyped up about politics, and 95% because it’s pretty hard to shout political screeds to a gathered crowd from a literal rooftop and have it not turn into a rally. I’ve heard plenty of Nish Kumar stand-up before, but it was something excitingly different to see a Nish Kumar rally (obviously the rally effect has its downsides, as Nish has outlined in measured interviews on podcasts before, but I’m pretty sure this specific one was cool).

This was the Nish Kumar that the tabloids think he is, the Nish Kumar that’s caricatured by other comedians who make jokes about him, the Nish Kumar that he isn’t always. This was 24 minutes of material that was purely, specifically political. I say “specifically” because sure, all Nish’s material is political in the same way that everything is political, he can take cultural or sociological or personal topics and tie them back to some political lens. But this set was entirely material about specific party politics or politicians, which isn’t how he always is. Nish Kumar’s current show involves stuff about football injuries and eccentric billionaires and making fun of Ed Gamble and talking shit about right-wing comedians and terrible Channel 4 television shows and some movie about tennis and listening to podcasts on a train. He specifically chose, for this set, to skip all of those topics, stick entirely to his stuff about various governments, and make it a political rally. And given the nature of this occasion (shouting from an actual rooftop) and the current timing, I think that was a fairly cool decision.

I might be wrong, but I think he’s going to structure his current show, when it’s a proper coherent hour-long format, around that little government history lesson dating back to Gordon Brown, but fill it out with the other stuff, from here and his less explicitly political things. I’m not sure that that’s what he’s doing, but it’s my guess based on how he’s structured these WIP sets, and as I’ve said before, it’s not reached it’s final form yet but if he takes all his current bits and structures them all nicely around some historical context (I fucking love historical context), I think he might be currently stringing together the best stand-up show of the last whole bunch of years. Not Nish’s best show. The best show. The part of my brain that is careful with language is yelling at me to change that to “my favourite show”, which obviously would be much more accurate because comedy is subjective, but no, that part of my brain can fuck off for this one time. You heard me, I meant what I said. It’s the best stand-up show.

This isn’t that show, it’s 24 cherry-picked minutes of it, delivered from a rooftop with the passion of eighteen comedians and six political activists, and what more could you want than that? I have to admit, this video made me start to think… what do I have booked at 14:50 during my five days in Edinburgh this summer, on the four days when I am not currently booked to see Nish Kumar (in his regular show, not podcast)? And should I consider skipping any of them to see Nish Kumar’s show more than once? I won’t, obviously. That would be an absurd thing to do, a waste of the amazing and unique opportunity that the Edinburgh Fringe Festival offers to see that wide a range of acts in one place. I won’t do that. I’m just saying that for one moment, watching him near the end of his set with the wind in his hair like an action movie star/Beatle shouting at the audience at the top of his voice and doing everything at once, I did briefly consider it. Seriously, there's a bit near the end where he does look like he's doing a fight scene in a movie. I don't call him the eighth wonder of the world for nothing.

I am ridiculously lucky that the coolest person I know got this whole thing on video so I get to see it despite the size of the Atlantic Ocean, and anyone else reading this post is ridiculously lucky that you get ot see it too, definitely give this a watch. And a download, as Sam Campbell mentioned. It's not likely to get taken down any time soon or anything, it's just good to get in the habit of saving your media.

(Obligatory note: Obviously this also made me laugh, I always feel the need to clarify that with a Nish Kumar set where I talk about anything besides specifically how funny it was, because I feel like I'm validating the people who claim he's just a "political rally" guy and people like him because they agree with him and not because he's funny, I didn't talk about it much in this post because Nish is always funny so in this post I focused on what made this set different from the others, but yes this set was also very fucking funny, I figure that can just go without saying once in a while. I'll tell you what, the first time I listen to more than three minutes of a Nish Kumar stand-up set without having to catch my breath from laughter, I'll let you know. Until then, assume it's funny.)

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

It’s funny how differently people interpret music. I was looking something up about “Page” by Ed Sheeran (for… reasons… 👀) and a couple of reviews/takes on the song paint it as a narrator who is selfish and/or in the throes of addiction lashing out at someone and I… do not see it that way at all. (I could see the addiction thing but I don’t get the selfish/narcissism at all.)

Broadly speaking it seems to be about a person being cut down by their partner (or whoever the “you” is in the song) who has left them, searching in vain to make the pain go away and looking for any sign of hope in a hopeless situation. (And how in spite of the pain, if the person gave a glimmer of hope about it being salvageable they would give in yet again.) I’m not saying my interpretation is right, but it’s just wild that something that seems to be so obviously about a person in pain searching for answers in the wake of their partner’s change of heart/change of feelings/leaving can also be seen as… something else lol.

Before anyone comes at me I don’t follow Ed so I don’t know what or who the song is about but I’m just saying Page and Punchline are on a certain playlist of mine

[venushasvixens]

Ch. 11 - Fightin’ Words - Life is but a Dream (Spike Spiegel x Reader)

[A/N] to clarify before I begin, I do NOT hate Faye. There will be a following chapter to explain how we got from point A to point B, since now that I see it, this chapter seems like a stretch. I apologize if the writing is a little shitty, I got too excited when writing it, and I was basically vomiting words onto my screen. Enjoy!

Previous chapter: Ch.10

⛔️ WARNING: this chapter contains implied sexual content, drinking, and strong language

-

There is a clear difference in kissing. One was for lust, meant to excite and give pleasure to the receiving, as a plus on to tie in all the ingridients for good sex. The other was for love, showing affection and those deep emotional feelings that both parties were in need of.

The lines were blurring.

Wanting this to be a strictly physical relationship, other elements started to incorporate their way into your escapades. And now Spike knows almost everything about you. Eating habits, what makes you laugh, and the type of people you hate. Talking for hours on end, both of life and it’s ridiculous nature, there was no off time between you both. It felt good.

The quiet moment after you left his room for your own, a faltering feeling of sadness and loneliness enters Spike. The urge to grab you and bring you back to his bed for the night was strong. He tried to get you to stay (always subtly), but to no avail. Well aware of your need for space, he always respected your decision.

The crank that was once rusty, was in Spike’s head as his mind ran endlessly of if you liked him or not. It was a thought, a discussion he wanted to put off for so long. The consequences of his doubt were going to hurt, especially when it was going to be that time to go. The reassurance that this was only a fling, a friends with benefits deal, was on its way to be tossed out of the trash chute into space.

“Trust me, Spiegel, I’ve had plenty of time as a child to know what I’m talking about.” You said as Spike passed you his cigarette.

“About what?” He asked, completely clueless.

“Rocks. Crystals, geodes. Have you not been listening?” You scolded, scoffing as Spike shook his head.

“The library in the city gave the orphanage books they didn't want anymore. My favorite book was the one about rocks on Mars, of course it was simplified for my small brain…”

Head in his hand, Spike listened as you rambled mindlessly of all the different rock formations on Mars. As much as he wanted to learn, he couldn’t help but be distracted by his acknowledgment of your presence. More specifically, the air you brought in the room. Spike began to think of it as his favorite perfume, sweet and sultry, with a hint of spice. It made him feel safe.

You were so attractive when you were educating him. He hated to hear it from Jet or anyone else, but you made it interesting.

“You’re pretty hot.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah thanks. Anyways, like I was saying…”You replied, flattered by his sudden proclamation.

“I’m serious. You’re talking all smart to me, and I can’t help but tell you that.” Spike smirked. “I think I learned more from you than in high school.”

You laughed softly. “I tell you because I know you’re dumber than a bag of hammers.”

“Is that so?” Spike raised his eyebrows. Why was your teasing making him feel even better? “You’re going to regret saying that.”

“I only have one, and not that.” You smiled slyly, the glint in Spike’s eye becoming more noticeable.

“I’m about to make it two.”

“I would love to see you try.”

You put your hands up to defend yourself, Spike’s smooth moves rendering you helpless. In a second, he had your arms pinned down by your sides, a deep throated chuckle emitting from him as he watched you struggle. There was no danger but that of falling to his charm and whim.

“I don’t regret this.” You panted.

“Sounds like the best decision I’ve made.” Spike mumbled, gaze traveling all over your face. He brushes the stray hairs from your face, fingers tracing your hairline and ears. He was so close, you could feel his breath on your neck, threatening to brush his lips on yours.

“Can I ask you something?” Spike broke the silence. You nodded eagerly.

“I-“ He began, cut off by the loud knocking on the door.

“Spike? Spike? Are you there?” Jet called out.

There is no answer, except you panicking over whether Jet sees you naked or sprawled out on Spike’s bed. The only sound that could’ve been heard was the thuds of you scrambling around the room, looking for your bra and panties. Spike watches in amusement, not caring at all at the dilemma you both were in.

“Yeah?” Spike called out, the clink of his lighter going off.

“I was going to ask if you wanted to come up to the bridge for a drink, got a few good bottles of gin from our last bounty.”

“I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Good.” Jet finished. Footsteps drew further away down the hallway and supposdely onto the stairs. You sighed in relief, getting dressed at a leisurely pace. Safe, once again.

“Y/n, you can come too if you would like.” The loud booming laughter of Jet filled the hallway, masking your dread.

This evening was going to be delightful.

-

“Where's the gin?” You said in confidence, like you weren’t just caught in Spike’s room. Hopefully he wouldn’t see the slight limp in your step either.

“I have it, but I knew it would be a good bait to get some help up here.” He replied.

“Then I want at least half the bottle as a down payment. And an apology.” You scowled, taking a peek on the holo computer, skimming over the briefing for the next bounty.

Jet chuckled. “Now young lady, I have something very important to ask you.”

“Huh, you and Spike. I’m not too scared of yours.” You glanced at him, sitting in his seat.

Jet rested himself against the table, nodding. “I was going to say that us boys and Ed really enjoy you here. These last few months have been the best one this ship has seen in a while, and you are welcome to stay however long you want, kid.”

You knew you were doing well, but now you caught the bag. Jackpot. “You’re just saying that because I feed you all.”

“That's part of it too.” Jet grinned. “But I’m serious, (y/n). I think all of us could vote in favor of a new crew member. What do you say?”

Thinking, you remembered your freedom, sought as a child. That’s all you ever wanted, was to be out and allowed to do whatever you could. But deep down, the thing you really needed was a home. A family.

You could find that here on the Bebop. Even if you got a rocky start, it was smooth sailing for now. You felt wanted. That’s what you needed.

“Doesn’t sound too bad. I’m down.” You beamed.

“Glad you agreed, or else it would’ve been real awkward if you said no.” Jet replied, giving you a soft pat on your back.

“Mmm, would you kick me out if I declined this most generous offer?” You teased.

“Kid, you have my respect, I would let you pack first then throw you out.”

You cracked up, the deal was done. As you sat in your new home, you couldn't help but feel eternally grateful. “I really owe you one, Jet. You really got me out of a tight spot.”

Jet nodded as he searched for something on the control board.

“Was..was that how Spike came around? Picked him up like a stray?” You asked, surprised at your brazen question.

Jet stops messing with the controls, paused as he tries to peace his words together. “To be honest, I can’t even remember when or how Spike joined me here. He just popped up one day, and I haven’t been able to shake him off.” Jet gave a small titter. “Ah, (y/n). The man’s been through it tough.”

“Can I ask?” You said meekly.

“All that time spent together, and he hasn’t told you?” Jet chaffed, a smirk starting to grow.

Shit. “We haven’t spent much time talking today.” Fuck it, no use in denying it now.

“That’s what I thought.” He snickered. “Well, let me put it this way. A heartbroken man is a lonely one. He roams the galaxy in search of finding a way to fill the void left in him, either desperate to find something new. Or leave the void empty, allowing himself to wither away peacefully.”

“Hmm.” You replied shortly. A lot wasn't said, but it made sense.

“I’m only saying this once, (Y/n). He’s changing, and for the better. I haven’t seen him smile so much sober. I have to thank you for that.”

You made a change, as small as it was. You hear footsteps approaching the bridge, the sliding door opening to reveal Spike. As he quietly passes you by, he shoots you a small wink, making you blush. Spike sits down with a sigh, his legs propped up on the control panel.

“Easy, I’m still working there.” Jet warns as he hands Spike a drink.

“Then how come you're not sitting here?” He smirks, side-eyeing you to watch him kick up dirt.

You smile back, letting their conversation fade away slowly. This moment, you had to screenshot it. It doesn’t look like a normal family, but it wasn't dysfunctional. You had a crazy red haired computer genius as a sibling, along with a dog that you think could do math better than you. It topped nicely with a protective mentor and teacher with one robotic arm, and a man who you didn't think you could even get near without getting your arm bitten off.

Someone was missing. She hasn’t been seen all day, but that’s typical. As an official member of the Bebop, there was no back burner now. You could turn off your predatory instinct on your prey. The hunt on Faye was over. You didn't have to be her best friend, just tolerate her attitude enough when she decides to stay on the ship for longer than a day. You really didn't want to fight her, but sometimes she made it so difficult. Besides, you were too tired anyways.

The little get together was carrying on joyfully, now joined by Ed and Ein. Ed wandered aimlessly in all directions on the bridge, babbling on about all the buttons and flashing lights. You sat next to Spike in your own chair, feeling the small soft padded pushes of Ein on your legs.

“What is it boy?” You asked sweetly, reaching down to rub the top of his ears. He jumps on his hind legs, trying his best to climb up onto your lap. You cooed at him, picking him up and placing him snuggly on your thighs. You swore you could’ve seen him smile as your pet his fluffy face, massaging his soft head.

Spike leaned over, whispering. “Do you think I can get a massage too?”

Before you could respond, Ein gave a small huff, one eye opening to watch out for his competition. “I’m sorry, but the baby said no.”

Jet laughed as Spike smiled. You looked down to see that Spike’s glass was still full, while Jets was drained of all gin. You were working on yours at a slower pace. “You don’t feel like drinking tonight?”

“Hmm?” Spike looked down at his drink, sloshing it against its glass walls. “ Oh, I’ll get to it.” He said before reaching out and touching your back gently, his fingers tracing circles on your spine.

What a win-win situation, Ein gets to be loved on and you get to be petted, you thought. Goosebumps rose on your arms as Spike continued. The sky turned to night, all the stars in the galaxy could be seen from the bridge’s giant front window. Ed was curled up in a ball in front of it, tuckering herself out. Ein provided some warmth to Ed, loafing on Ed’s stomach. Their snores mixed in together, obnoxiously loud, but incredibly cute.

Spike never got to his drink, so he offered it to you instead. Two was all you needed to finish off the night. You took over Ein’s spot on Spike’s lap, your arms wrapped around his neck as you conversated with the boys. His hands rubbed the side part of your stomach before interlocking, his heated palms providing comfort. You wouldn’t mind falling asleep here.

The flash of Faye’s Redtail blinded you as she clumsily parked out on the flight deck. You didn't care as long as she didnt destroy the hangar, then you all would be in huge trouble.

“She’s home early.” Jet stated, watching as she stumbled out of the ship.

“It’s not even midnight yet. Think she missed us?” Spike called out sarcastically.

“Doubt it.”

This was the last of peaceful silence for the night, you thought. You were hoping not to jinx it.

BAM!

Everybody around you whipped their heads to the source of the sound, except yours, because you knew exactly who it was and what was going to happen. Ein used Ed’s stomach as a launching pad, frightened at the loud noise. What could you say, you have a knack for sensing a challenge. The only thing was, you were not in a mood to seek it. It was brought to you, sucking all good energy out of the room and switching it to a fireball of jealousy.

In walked a staggering Faye, pleased with her grand entrance. She tipped to one side, before switching to the other slightly. Just one look was all it took before you gulped the rest of your drink down, flipping the glass on its head. You could see out of the corner of your eye Spike’s focus was on you. His brows furrowed, head tilting as if to ask what were you doing. Your reply was a swift head rub, his hair swooshing.

“Evening, Faye.” Jet chimed, pushing the bottle of gin closer to his side behind him on his control board. There was no way she was getting any more tonight.

Your gaze changed to Jet, who you thought could also sense the new air in the bridge. He sat at the edge of his seat, arm resting on his knee. What was he waiting for?

A small hiccup bounced off the metal walls, prompting Faye to trip and catch herself on the main control board in the middle of the room. Her eyes closed, she began to shake her head side to side, a small manic giggle escaping her mouth.

“You just-just can’t keep your fucking hands off of him, can’t you?”

You felt a shiver of shock rest on your shoulders as you turned your head to face Faye. Before you could speak, Spike opened his mouth to defend you.

“The hell is wrong with you?” Spike retorted, his hands now pressed firmly on your waist.

“Everything was just fine without her, you-“ Faye snarled as she pointed to Jet, “just had to have a heart.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that.” Jet replied cautiously.

Faye circled around the control table, using it as support or else she tumbled over. A mumbled slur of insults, consisting of calling you a slut and Spike an idiot. She was drunk, you thought. Let it run off like water. She will be fine once she’s in her bed, snoring her way into a killer hangover. You couldn’t shake that feeling that you needed to start gearing up. You wiggled out of Spike’s hold, planting your feet firmly down as you lean on the control table.

“I..I honestly don’t get it.” Faye said aloud.

“Get what, Faye?” You piped up, the slightest shake in your voice.

Oh! So it can talk!” She cackled out loud. “Let me tell you what, since you asked!”

“Please, I would love to know.”

Her pointer finger shoved right in your face, furiously wanting to make contact. “I-I find it hard to believe that you managed to get him to fuck you.”

“Jesus, Faye, in front of the kids?”

“Fuck that! She’s going to hear what I have to say, whether the slut likes it or not.”

As angry as you should’ve been, coolness was all you displayed. The voice in the back of your head reminded you of unforgettable advice you knew all too well. Alcohol could be a very good truth serum.

“What a f-fucking slut … you know how I think y-you managed to stay on this tin can of a ship?” She muttered. “You have to be f-fucking the captain.”

“That’s enough! Leave until you sober up.” Jet stood up, standing in the space between you and Faye. “Not having any of that on my ship.”

You looked at Spike, face frozen in a silent menacing fury. Leaning back on the console, you kept glancing to see Faye moving further and further away towards the door. That was it, the show's over. But someone had some kind parting words.

“Hey, how about this! I bet Spike has to cover your face while fucking your ugly ass, I would too, you stupid-“

Your knuckles had never stung so bad, but it felt so good to watch Faye’s head swing back. A flurry of raged-filled punches landed on either side of her face, so fast it didnt give her enough time to react. Waking up, Faye gave a heavy footed kick to your side, prompting you to scream out in pain.

Each swing of her high leg swings missed as you ducked, giving you a chance for an uppercut into her stomach. You could hear the sound of the wind knocking out of her with each punch. Faye’s hand pulled your hair back roughly, fists meeting across your face, swiping your nose. Intense pressure built up, the threat of blood leaking out of your nose becoming evident. She wanted to play dirty?

We can play dirty.

You used everything you had in you. Scratching, biting, kicking. You were not going to lose. You did not give two shits if she was vulnerable, this bitch was going down. It felt like forever until you felt the strong arms of Spike yanking you away from the fighting ground.

“Hey, hey, hey!” You heard Jet roar, becoming a flesh and metal cage around Faye’s upper arms, taking a small beating as she tried to claw her way back to you. Ed was yelping and screaming at the top of her lungs, while Ein barked and yowled at the commotion.

“Stop, (y/n), its me you’re hitting, damn it!” Spike yelped as you gave the last swings, realizing that the fight was just about over. You panted, the painful injection of adrenaline overcame your body. You watched on in pity as Jet tried to get Faye to calm down. As you trudged back to your seat, with the help of Spike, the last word was finally given out of the door.

“Get comfy bitch, I’m going nowhere!” You screamed.

“And I know who burned your ship, but there’s no way I’m telling you, you dumb cunt!”

Other insults flew in your direction, but were ignored. You stood in disbelief as you let the major bombshell play over and over. Feeling the soft tug of Spike pulling you back gently down to your seat, letting you wallow for a second. He knelt in front of you, examining your growing black eye and red welts on your face. “Damn, that's going to leave a mark.”

You looked away from him, tears welling in your eyes.

“Oh (y/n), I didn't mean it like that, it doesn’t look that bad.” Spike apologized as you sniffled.

“It’s not that. I-its that..'' sobs so quietly, but causes the greatest quivering, “she knows who did this to me, and won't even fess up because she hates me. What kind of shit is that?”

Tears fell freely onto your lap, pain induced by your loss fueling more hurt. It was so cold by yourself, a shell encasing you in. Through the mists of your tears, the shell was just Spike’s chest moving closer in. The heat of his body provided consolation without words, the tightness and slight rocking bringing you down to a clearer, more relaxed consciousness.

“I’ll catch them for you.” Spike mumbled into your ear, his hands massaging the back of your head. “It won't bring anything back, but if that will make you feel better, I'll do it.”

This wasn’t an empty promise. There was sincerity behind Spike’s words, wanting to help you. It was now confirmed just how much you meant to him. He was willing to assist for payback. His offer was sweet, but it didn't feel right. This wasnt his struggle, it was yours.

You were going to catch them, and only God knew the hell you were going to bring.

[nightingaelic]

FO4 bots meeting FNV bots. Nick, Codsworth, DiMA, Ada, maybe the gen3 synths but they're pretty much just humans so idk... Yes Man, Victor, Muggy, ED-E, FISTO, etc. This is kind of a vague request so just do whatever you want with it *shrugs*

The AI's voice echoed warmly through the large conference room at the Tops Casino, hushing the assembled crowd. "I'm Mr. New Vegas, and I want to welcome you all, dear listeners, to the 41st National Robotics Expo. Vegas has been hosting this convention since 2037, and even though we skipped a few years, we're so happy to welcome it again. Let's get back to business."

A smattering of applause with a distinct metallic edge followed, which the automated DJ paused for before continuing in a tone as warm as the desert outside. "As most exhibitions do, let's begin by introducing our various delegations. We'll start with the home team, Securitrons by RobCo: RobCo Industries, automation designed and built for the private sector."

The Securitron in the back of the room with a cowboy on its screen waved. "Present!" he piped up in a southern drawl.

The robot next to him, identical in every way except for the woman's face on its screen, patted his arm. "Thank you, Victor."

"Yeah, thanks Victor!" added the Securitron with a permanent happy face on its screen. "It's not often I'm let out of my room, but it sure is nice to see another part of the hotel!"

Nick Valentine, who was sitting in the front with his arms crossed, looked down at the miniature Securitron that was pacing next to his seat. "Shouldn't you be back there with them?"

"With the House Industries bunch?" The cartoon-faced coffee mug on its screen looked up at him with an unchanging smile, but every word dripped with contempt. "Don't lump me in with them, gumshoe."

Nick frowned. "What's your name again?"

The robot gestured at its screen. "I'll give you three guesses."

"Cheeky little-"

"Ssshh." DiMA looked over from Nick's other side. "We're guests here, Nick."

"Next up we have the RobCo eyebots, both classic design and Duraframe-upgraded models," Mr. New Vegas continued, completely oblivious to the chatter in the room. A pair of eyebots on the left side of the room, one in bright Atom Cats paint and the other with haphazard shielding including a car license plate, began bobbing up and down and beeping ecstatically. A third model, outfitted with some kind of modification that crackled with blue energy, let loose a sonic blast that shook dust off the ceiling. The crowd tittered, but the courier accompanying the license-plated eyebot just laughed.

"I know folks, I know, it's a day full of excitement, but let's get through our list," Mr. New Vegas said smoothly, evidently worried that the eyebot was going to shake the room's speakers loose. "Moving on to the assaultrons, something you don't see often out here in the Mojave. Welcome, ladies."

"The pleasure's all mine," replied KL-E-0 from her seat behind Nick. The Goodneighbor trader was reclining precariously on the conference room chair, with her frame's considerable weight straining the piece of furniture's limits. She didn't appear particularly concerned though, given the way she was examining her claws the way an uninterested woman examines her nails.

"Preliminary adjustments to statistical models complete," added PAM, who was seated next to KL-E-0 in a much more attentive position. "Commencing introduction. I was, am, and will most likely be an assaultron."

"An astute calculation," agreed Ada. She was standing next to PAM and KL-E-0, as her own modified frame would not let her sit down.

"Objection." A mechanical voice rang out from the back. "Petition to acquire the modified assaultron model into the protectron class. Model clearly uses more protectron parts than assaultron."

"Stand down, Mr. First Mate," ordered the exasperated sentry bot parked next to the protectron that had spoken up. "We must show a certain measure of decorum, in these waters."

Ada rotated her head all the way around to face the first mate. "Acknowledged. I am willing to re-categorize myself if requested."

"Baby, don't let him talk you into anything you're not comfortable with," KL-E-0 replied, uncrossing her metal legs.

"Next we have the workhorses of the robotic world, the protectrons," Mr. New Vegas cut in, once again oblivious.

"Sound off!" the first mate ordered.

"Howdy pardner! Primm Slim at your service!"

"ナンニシマスカ?"

"I'm NIRA, your friendly Nuka-World Informational Robotic Assistant. Is this your first visit to Nuka-World?"

"Fully Integrated Security Technetronic Officer active and reporting for duty."

Nick made a face after the last one. "Fisto? What kind of-"

"And rounding out the RobCo set, our sentry bot representative, who I understand is responsible for our Commonwealth friends' safe arrival."

"A fine voyage for a fine vessel!" Captain Ironsides said jovially. "Our mission was a glorious success, the first of many for the pride of our navy!"

"Thank you, Captain," Mr. New Vegas replied, with a hint of amusement in his announcer's voice. "Now for RobCo's greatest partner and competitor, General Atomics International: The finest industrial robots in the world!"

The collection of Mister Handy and Miss Nanny robots on the right side of the room perked up and began applauding. "Spot on!" Codsworth said, at the front of the crowd.

"Let's start where General Atomics started, with the classic Mister Handy model. I see we have a few who made the trip with the USS Constitution."

"Present!" Codsworth answered.

"Fresh lemonade here!" cried Deezer at the same time, attempting to distribute dented cans to everyone within reach of him.

"Don't burden this lot wiv your swill, Deezer," said Whitechapel Charlie, collecting the cans as quickly as they were handed out.

"Wonderful, wonderful. Now let's hear it for the ladies again, our elegant Miss Nanny robots!"

"Hello!" said Pearl and Miss Edna, bobbing in place and prettily snapping their little claws.

"Merci beaucoup," added Curie, who was seated with the group, despite having shed her Miss Nanny frame in favor of a synth body months ago. Nick grinned.

"Objection." The first mate, despite not having a face, appeared absolutely scandalized by this development. Captain Ironsides was having none of it, however, and bopped the protectron on the head with his minigun arm.

"Maybe I should look into getting a synth upgrade," Mr. New Vegas mused. "Finishing out General Atomics are the robobrains, once human like any wastelander, now showcasing the best in technology that pre-war America can offer."

"Thank you, thank you so much," said Gilda Broscoe, who breezed up to the room's stage. She had decorated her shiny brain dome for the occasion with an enormous hat sprouting peacock feathers, and she grabbed the stage's microphone with practiced ease. It wasn't on, but that didn't appear to be enough to stop her. "Thank you all so much for this opportunity. I'd like to thank my studio, Starlight Cinemas, and of course my beloved Keith McKinney-"

"Get off the stage!" yelled the other present robobrain, Jezebel. "My orders from the Mechanist didn't include listening to you drone on about your fantastic former life!"

"-of course, I feel I have to thank my dear Santiago, Santiago, you were such an inspiration even if you couldn't bear the thought of us parting-"

Curie shifted uncomfortably in her chair. "Mademoiselle, might it not be better to wait and see-"

"Get off the stage, you old bat!" yelled Muggy, who appeared to share Jezebel's feelings.

"-and I'd like to thank that bitch Vera Keyes for passing on the role so that I could give it my own, personal touch. Thank you everyone, and good night!" Gilda let go of the microphone and curtseyed as best she could with treads. A few robots clapped, while the courier in the back stiffened and looked at the robobrain actress with wide eyes.

"Only one category left, folks, and then we can start the planned festivities," Mr. New Vegas went on. "Now for a Commonwealth Institute of Technology original, the prototype synth model. Only two in the world, and we're lucky enough to have both of them with us today."

DiMA turned around to wave to the other bots, while Nick sank deeper into his chair and pulled his hat down. "Christ."

"Objec-" The first mate didn't even get the full word out before Captain Ironsides bonked him again.

"And that concludes the introductory portion of the expo!" Mr. New Vegas paused. "Unless there's anyone I've inadvertently left out."

"Me!"

The curtain on the stage behind Gilda flew open, revealing a toaster placed on top of a stool. Gilda let out a theatrical gasp and rolled backwards, giving way to the appliance's maniacal laughter.

"Ahahaha! I am online once again!" the toaster cried. "Tremble, world, before my electric heating coil of doom! You thought you could silence me by drowning me in a bathtub, but I swore you would rue the day you had bread and no way to toast it!"

The courier in the back jumped out of their chair. "Oh shit."

"That's right, buddy, the day of bread has come!" With a ding, two slices of C-4 plastic explosive popped up from the toaster's slots. "Cower before my nuclear fire!"

Mild panic swept the room of robots. Gilda fainted dead away on the stage. Nick eased up off his chair. "Talk about delusions of grandeur. I've seen more intimidating appliances in a scrap heap."

"How dare you!" the toaster screamed. "I am the scourge of all small appliances and the bogeyman that keeps lesser toasters awake at night!"

"You're the scourge of breakfast, I'll give you that," Nick answered with a smirk. He tried not to draw attention to the courier that was inching their way to the stage. "But you're low on the ladder of bogeymen, compared to the ones I've dealt with."

"NAME THE ONES MORE FEARSOME THAN I!" the toaster demanded.

"An interesting development here at the Tops, folks," Mr. New Vegas commented. "The crowd appears to have been taken hostage by a rogue toaster."

Nick started counting off adversaries on his metal hand. "Well, there's the Rust Devils, the Gunners a few times, the Pack and all of their angry critters, the Disciples and the Operators, can't forget the Triggermen and Skinny Malone, plus his doll Darla..."

The toaster let out another frenzied laugh. "Nothing but bags of meat, easily toasted in-"

Its speech died mid-sentence, and the courier emerged from behind the curtain holding its electrical cord. "That takes care of that."

Nick winked at them. "Good on you, kid. Should we get on with the shindig?"

[jamilelucato]

Popcorn Taste [F.W]

Pairing: Fred Weasley x reader

Summary: It’s a bit awkward spending Christmas in the Burrow after what happened between you and Fred.

Warning: there’s a drunk scene, but the characters are not underage; fluffy;

A/N: of course I’m participating in my own challenge, why not? So this is Day 7- Making A Popcorn Garland for the A Very Harry Potter Christmas with @whack-ed​

Harry Potter Masterlist ||  Musical Hogwarts Series

Generally, being invited to spend the holidays with the Weasley was all you could’ve wished. This year, however, staying in that small house locked with tons of red-heads was not your first goal.

Nevertheless, when the letter arrived, there was nothing you could do but sigh and reply with “thanks for the invite; yes, I’m coming; no, I’m not bringing someone with me.”

Mrs and Mr Weasley had a special place in your heart — for all the days they allowed you to stay with them, particularly during the dark times of war, and after it, when you were alone. You had no choice but to show up and, fair enough, it wasn’t all that bad. You liked the older couple; you always laughed around Bill; Charlie had unique stories to tell, and even Percy remained quite pleasant and able to communicate when you were around.

It was the next son in line that worried your guts and caused the butterflies in your stomach to fly around.

You took one last look at your flat before holding tight to your luggage before Apparating to the Burrow. It was one week before Christmas, but it was the exact day — and time — that Mrs Weasley had written for you to show up.

CRACK!

The loud sound (of what probably used to be) a vase breaking echoed in the house, and you involuntarily ducked, even though there was no one in the living room to see you.

“[y/n]? Is that you?” Molly’s voice found its way to where you were still scared to move and break something else.

“It’s me, Molly,”— she would never allow you to call her Mrs Weasley in front of her — “and I think I broke something.”

She found her way to the living room, carefully stepping away from the broken pieces and reaching for you with her hands, firstly cupping your face and squeezing your cheeks before pulling you in a proper hug.

“It’s okay, dear! I’m so happy you came,” she whispered in your ear, before pulling you away and reaching for your luggage, not even asking if you wanted help.

“She’s been talking about you all week.”

At first, the voice seemed familiar, and it made you shiver until Molly stepped out of your sight and revealed the real speaker, standing near the door sill — and although he looked a lot like who you thought he was, he still wasn’t him.

“Hi, George,” you smiled sympathetically, slowly moving towards the younger twin, paying attention not to step on the broken vase.

He received you with a quick but tight hug. When you pulled away, your eyes searched for the other half of that pair, but you didn’t find the other identical face.

“Fred’s coming later,” George explained the question that you didn’t ask aloud.

“I wasn’t looking for him,” you denied with some charm, more out of fear of Molly listening and having second thoughts than fear of George finding out what was going on in the dark corners of your mind.

After all, you were pretty sure that George already knew.

When you surreptitiously looked back, however, Molly and her bags were no longer in the room.

“Since Mum’s taking care of your accommodation, come help me with de-gnoming the yard,” George suggested, putting one of his long arms over your shoulders and pulling you close.

“I thought this job was Ron’s,” you said, having a vague memory of a Christmas years ago, “and Potter’s.”

George smiled. “Ronniekins and Harriekins are only coming later in the night,” he explained, guiding you out of the Burrow. “But I think you’ll like to see who’s helping me out in the yard.”

As soon as he opened the door to the back, your eyes scanned the place, soon finding red hair in the wind, too long to belong to any other Weasley but: “Bill!!” you shouted, running towards him.

Bill smiled when he turned and saw you, and greeted you with a warm hug, as he always did when you spent days at the Burrow and felt left out.

“Hi, little one,” he stroked your hair before putting you back on the ground. “I think we have a lot of catching up to do.”

“Tell me about it! You’ll never know...” Bill let you vent until you saw the platinum blond woman coming towards the three of you, and she had a hand positioned at the end of her belly as if it was too heavy to carry. “Oh, my Merlin!!!”

Bill chuckled at your reaction at his pregnant wife.

You rushed to get closer to Fleur, afraid she was too slow because of the child she carried in her womb, but you slowed down when you got close, scared you could hurt her.

“Fleur! I can’t believe it! Can I...?” you looked down at where her hands were placed.

“Sure,” she said with her French accent still very strong. She smiled at you while you delicately pressed your hands on her belly, trying to feel the life growing on her. 

“How long...?”

“Four months,” Bill answered from behind you. “We wanted to be sure before telling the family.”

“And you were right in doing so,” you said between gasps of surprise — you were still very much fascinated with it. “Hey, George, when are you and Angelina....”

“Don’t even start!” he interrupted you in a protest and soon everybody was laughing, just like old times.

--

You weren’t surprised when, after a long two hours of de-gnoming the backyard and a well-deserved hot bath, you found your suitcase in the twins’ room.

Molly had installed you there for two reasons. The first was that gradually over the day, the rest of the Weasley siblings were arriving, and so the rooms filled up.

Bill and his wife stayed in his room; Percy and his wife switched places with Ginny in search of a larger one, so Ginny and Hermione were cramped in Percy’s old small room. Ron and Harry would share Ron’s room upstairs, and Charlie had his room to himself, as it was also a tiny room.

Therefore, the only room large enough to accommodate an extra mattress was the twins’.

The second reason was that you had been used to sleeping there since you were fifteen when on the hottest summer nights you ran away from Ginny’s room and were welcomed next to Fred and George. When you were a teen, you believed you did a great job being discreet, but now at 21, you reconsidered that maybe Molly always knew, but pretended not to see.

You quickly changed, afraid the boys could come in at any moment. You had heard Fred’s voice — Merlin, you’d recognize it at any distance — when you were getting out of the bathroom, so you were extra nervous when you left the room and headed to the kitchen, where the majority of the family was. Except for Fleur who needed to rest and Percy, his wife and Charlie that were in the living room.

“Here, she is!” Fred’s voice greeted you in that heartwarming way that only he had, and with just a couple of steps he reached you and held you in a tight hug, slightly taking your feet off the ground. 

“Hi, Freddie,” you whispered in his ear with a chuckle while he put you back on the floor. You saw his cheeks turning red because of the nickname and thought it was the cutest thing ever.

“Hope you’re hungry,” said George from behind Fred, but you couldn’t see him — Fred was your only view at that moment.

“Always am, Weasley,” you replied, placing your hands in the back pockets of your jeans and walking towards the smell of warm food. You had no idea what it was — you always sucked with scents — but it looked good. Fred turned in the direction you were walking, watching you.

Like you, he was scared to death that you both would be startled the next time you saw each other, but as soon as his eyes met yours, he couldn’t contain the joy and desire to at least embrace you.

The thing was, last time you two had seen each other was on a party in the twins flat, and, after a couple of drinks, you ended up kissing Fred in a bathroom. It actually happened like this:

“What are you doing here?” Fred asked when you stepped in the small bathroom of his room. He wasn’t angry, just surprised. Besides, he wasn’t naked or something — he had already done whatever he needed to do in the bathroom, but he needed to wash his hands before leaving.

“I know you said for us to use the guest bathroom, but whoever is in there hasn’t left since,” you sighed, staring at him slowly, taking your time to appreciate the view, “and I need to pee.”

“Oh, I’ll leave.”

“Please, don’t,” you said, a bit too fast. Even drunk, you noticed that you didn’t even hesitate. “It’s just... I’ll get lost in here alone.”

Fred looked around. He was drunk too, but he still had a clear idea that his flat wasn’t at all that big.

“Okay,” he agreed slowly, unsure of what else to say. He then turned to face the door, allowing you to do whatever you needed to do with some privacy.

Deep down, he loved the idea of being in a small room with you. It’s just, he was drunk, so it wasn’t the first scenario he had in mind.

“You can turn now,” you said; your voice followed by the sound of the flush. You stepped closer to the sink — there really wasn’t much space there — and after washing your hands, you were left to confront your darkest fears.

Fred stared down at you, his head above yours just like always, only this time, he was so close that it was almost terrifying. It made you weak in the knees. And you were so drunk...

“Kiss me.”

“Huh?” Fred shocked his head. He had heard you, he just wasn’t sure you wanted to make his wildest dreams come true.

“Kiss me, Freddie,” oh, the nickname — it was his weak spot, and he was so close now. Your hands cupped his cheekbone.

“You are drunk,” he stated, noticing that at any other circumstances, you wouldn’t have the balls.

“So are you,” you smiled, leaning closer to him and finally ending the last millimetres that were in your way.

Both of you remembered the kiss, even though the approach seemed to be like it never happened. It didn’t last much — someone knocked on the door, asking for Fred, saying they needed to say good-bye, and so he left you alone in that bathroom with just your thoughts and his smell all over you.

It had been two months since the kiss, and you two ignored each other since. Some nights, you wish you could’ve forgotten it, but how could you when every time you closed your eyes your brain replayed the moment?

--

“Lost in thoughts?” asked Molly as she placed some food in your plate during dinner.

You stared at her — truly lost in thoughts. She smiled, forcing you to smile back, but the corner of your mind was still thinking about Fred and the fact that in a couple of hours you’d be sleeping in his room. With him.

Dinner went well, and even the late hours by the fire — even though Ginny and Ron left you to sit on the floor. It was easy to distract yourself from Fred when he had like, a ton of other siblings to talk to. And unfortunately, that’s what you did — avoided talking to only him the whole night.

When you finally gathered enough courage, you went to the bedroom, already in your pyjamas. You came across a snoring George (how easy it was for him to sleep, it was a mystery), but Fred’s bed was still empty.

As you entered the room trying to make as little noise as possible, you realized that there was already a body on your mattress on the floor.

“Fred?”

Red hair fluttered, and in the dim light of the only candle in the room, you saw Fred’s eyes shine when they met you.

“What are you doing on my mattress?”

“Yours?” he asked in a voice not as low as yours. Perhaps he knew the limits of his brother’s hearing better than you. “You didn’t think I was going to let you sleep on the floor, did you?”

“Fred, please, it wouldn’t be a bother...”

“[y/n], just accept my bed for today. ’M already very well settled here to leave,” he debated, gesturing with his neck towards himself, where he really looked comfortable under a thick blanket.

You sighed, knowing very well, after years of being Fred and George’s best friend that there was no point with arguing. So you jumped on his old bed, trying to find a position, but already knowing it’d take you at least a couple of hours to finally sleep.

In a quick and not calculated movement, your head ended up turned on the pillow, making your breathing more limited, thus having to breathe through it.

It was a bad idea because, without warning, Fred’s scent invaded your nostrils. It wasn’t a bad smell, quite the contrary — it was very much inviting and, knowing that Fred was only less than a meter from you and remembering the taste of his kiss, sleeping was suddenly impossible that night.

You sighed, but could not move, paralyzed in that position — it was as if your body was addicted to his scent, and you wanted more and more. When you finally fell asleep, the dream that invaded your subconscious was not much different than what you imagined before you went to sleep.

--

“Popcorn duty?” asked Fred, catching up to you with just a couple of large steps.

“Yeah,” you sighed, trying not to sound so disappointed. Of course, spending time with Fred was marvellous, but since you kissed him and he never mentioned it again, it kinda seemed fair to you not want to be alone with him.

Fred didn’t notice something off with your tone, so he kept walking next to you towards the kitchen, where Molly had told you the popcorn was.

Placing yourselves next to each other, you were left responsible for holding the fishing wire, and Fred was in charge of the popcorn. You handed the point of the wire for him, who sought advice with his eyes.

You helped him with your hands — this time, you were the one to blush with the touch. You did not expect his hands to be so warm in the middle of winter.

“Do you reckon Mum would mind if we ate one?” he asked, raising a single popcorn up. “Or two?”

You chuckled at his worries, looking down at the bowl filled with old popcorn. You had no idea why he thought that was delicious. It still smelled like good popcorn, but you knew that, for these types of garlands, it needed to be ready, like, at least, one week earlier.

“They don’t look very appetizing to me,” you commented, tilting your head towards him, holding tightly to the wire since Fred seemed reckless with the thing.

“Ah,” Fred sighed, using the popcorn that he was about to eat to place in the garland. He seemed to be getting the hang of it by now. “Well, I’m just hungry,” he shrugged innocently.

“I bet. It’s not like you just ate breakfast, right?” you chuckled, and Fred joined, looking at you with the same sparkly eyes that captured your heart when you were just a kid. He had no idea that you have been liking him for so long.

“I’ll tell you what, before we go to bed, we can watch a movie and I’ll make you new popcorn,” you offered after a moment of silence. Fred wasn’t the quiet type of guy, so when the room was filled with it, something was definitely wrong.

He smiled with the opportunity you gave him. “Asking me on a date, [y/n]?”

You elbowed him, laughing nervous first, but when you realized that he was just teasing you, your laugh became more real. It was so easy to have fun with Fred.

After a few years of romantically craving him so strongly, you had forgotten that he was also a great friend.

“You wish, Weasley,” you chuckled.

Charlie walked in the kitchen, followed by Ron, and both of the brothers stared at you two for a while before getting back to what they planned on doing.

“Having fun?” asked Charlie with the cutest British mixed with Romanian accent ever.

You exchanged looks with Fred.

“No, he’s pretty boring,” you shrugged, before dropping your act and laughing out loud. 

“[y/n] won’t let me eat the popcorn,” Fred said, getting on board with your joke.

“That’s not what I said,” you raised a brow. Ron was about to roll his eyes, very much tired of your thing with Fred. He remembered you two back in school and how annoying and oblivious you two were. He was just like that with Hermione, but you were never the one to point it out. 

“I said that this popcorn is old,” you reached for one yourself, “and disgusting.”

“Are you complaining about Mum’s food?” Fred asked, dropping the wire over the table and crossing his arms, trying to look intimidating.

“She didn’t make it for us to eat it,” you pointed out. 

Charlie was leaned in the sink counter, watching the scene with a glass of water in his hands, trying hard not to laugh at the fact that you two were acting like an old couple. It kinda reminded him of when he was younger, and Arthur and Molly couldn’t stop arguing about what to do with the too-big-to-enter-the-house Christmas Tree.

“Let’s go, Charlie,” Ron called his older brother. “The ball ornaments won’t paint themselves.”

“You guys are painting the ornaments?” you expression suddenly turned blue. Fred looked down at you, feeling worried. “Oh, I wish I was painting.”

Fred bit his lip before suggesting “Why don’t you go with them? I think I can finish this myself.”

You looked from the bowl of popcorn still full with it to Fred, who had the cutest of faces. 

“Nah, you need me,” you said and then gulped at the double meaning of your words. “I mean, need me to finish this.”

Charlie and Ron exchanged suspicious looks while Fred stared at you, smiling with his eyes.

“Should we...?” Ron whispered to Charlie, who just placed his hands in the youngest’s back and pushed it.

“Just go,” Charlie whispered back, leaving you and Fred to get back to your own rhythm with things, distracted with each other.

--

When the popcorn garlands where ready, the tree was already inside the house — job done by Arthur and Bill. They had picked a beautiful tree (and to Charlie’s relief, this one fit the house).

Ginny and Hermione were the two focusing on placing the decorations on the right places, following the orders of Molly and Fleur (although the girls seemed to be paying attention only to Molly’s suggestions).

You were about to sit in the middle of Fred and George in the couch when Ron, Charlie, Percy and his wife walked in the house, holding a big transparent box filled with painted balls.

“Ow, let me see them!” you rushed next to Charlie and deepened your hands inside. “Are they still fresh?”

“No,” Charlie replied, noticing you were scared of ruining the ornaments.

The first one your hands touched you brought up, noticing it had two different names on it. In one side, [y/n] was written, but the other had Fred on it.

“Why two names?” you really wanted to ask why it was yours and Fred’s, but there were too many people on the room.

Ron and Charlie gulped, while Percy and his wife exchanged happy side looks.

“Mum wanted two names in each because she felt like our names were too short,” said Ron, but his explanation didn’t please anyone on the room, “or something,” he added a second later.

You placed the ball in your hands back in the box, and Charlie offered you a sympathetic smile.

You headed back to the couch, watching the girls finish placing the ornaments. Molly walked in, with a lot of bags on her hand, so Bill and George got up to help, leaving you and Fred on the couch alone.

“So... our date’s still up?”

You turned your face to him, at first confused, but then giggling.

“It’s not a date.”

“Did you invite anyone else?” he asked, leaning closer to you involuntarily.

“No,” you said as if it was clear.

“Then it is a date,” he smirked. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone you asked me out.”

“Oh, shove off, Weasley,” you pushed him slightly, both of you laughing. Oh, how you wanted it to be a real date.

But sure it wasn’t. It couldn’t be, right? you wondered, staring at him from the corner of your eye.

--

“Okay, they’re gone,” Fred said, calling you from the stairs. You left his room on tiptoes, scared of waking the house up and reached him at the bottom of the staircase.

You two waited for everyone to leave the living room — where the only TV in the house could be found — and pretended to go to bed as well. When Fred’s watch pointed to one in the morning, he shook your arm slightly (waking you up but you’d never confess you had slept) and you both left for your adventure.

“So what movie did you get us?”

He turned to face you, who was sitting in the couch, bringing the blanket you had taken with yourself closer to your chin.

“While You Were Sleeping,” he answered. “Seemed to be the youngest Mum had around.”

“It’s a romance,” you pointed out, tilting your head provocatively.

“It’s not a...” Fred looked up to the TV where Sandra Bullock started walking around the streets. “It’s a romance,” he sighed, defeated.

You chuckled. “I like it. But do you?”

“Ahn,” he seemed lost in thought. “It doesn’t matter.”

You had no idea what that meant, but you gave him some room to sit next to you in the couch and for him to get under the covers, while the popcorn in your lap kept you two moving your mouths.

The movie seemed quite pleasant, but it was hard to pay attention when Fred’s smell was all over you once again, the only smell your body had no problem identifying.

You gulped in the dark. “Are you enjoying it?” you asked, sure that romantic movies could not possibly be Fred’s favourite genre.

“Yep,” he answered a bit too fast. Suspicious, you thought.

“Who’s your favourite character?” you decided to test him.

“The girl.”

“Why’s that?” his answers seemed too generic so when replied this last question you made, you were surprised.

“She likes the guy, but she’s afraid to give up what she idealized. She’s scared of the new,” he said, and although the answer appeared accurate to the movie, something told you he was not talking about Sandra Bullock’s character.

You turned to face him, noticing that he was way closer to you then you thought. Perhaps all the warm did not come from only the blanket. Fred gulped when he saw you staring at him.

“I think she has a valid reason for that.”

The corners of his lips raised just a little. “What’s that?”

“The guy hasn’t been very clear about what he wants either.”

Fred gulped, feeling his cheeks burn. You were right — he wasn’t talking about the movie character.

“Kiss me.”

Oh, the sentence that has been hunting both of you down this time was voiced by Fred Weasley and that could have not left you more speechless.

So you knew what you had to do, after all, the guy was being very clear about what he wanted.

Your lips met his, this time with no rush. It was like when a hummingbird meets a flower — delicate, even though deep down very much desperate.

At this moment, you two were alone, and you had time, and you weren’t drunk. This time was going to be perfect, and Merlin, how it was! Fred had this unique way of touching you softly but fervently, and each time his hands changed position, your body twisted, wanting more, wanting him to kiss you everywhere, hoping he wouldn’t go away.

When you two finally parted, after several attempts to do so, but neither wanting to stop kissing yet, he smirked down at you, leaving your body in his embrace.

“You taste like popcorn,” he said, breaking the silence of the living room since the movie had ended and neither of you had noticed.

“I hope it’s the good one,” you smiled too, feeling surrendered to his charms.

It was good to have him around you, his body twisted with yours, and it was even best to know that he wanted you as much or even more than you craved him.

“It’s the best one,” he said, before kissing you again.

[sideblog-666-thousand]

A long bitch of an interview with Euronymous, from Orcustus zine in early ‘92.

What is Orcustus? Orcustus was an early 90’s black metal ‘zine run by none other than Bård “Faust*” Eithun— murderous pretty-boy, and o.g Euronymous simp. I think he might have also played drums in a band called Emperor... but I’m not sure! Its full name is actually “Orcustus— The Shadow of The Golden Fire”, and no, I’m not making this up.

This particular issue here opens up with a quote from a short story called ‘The Doom That Came To Thomas Parkes*’.

Assuming the reader hasn’t read the story, Faust explains that the quote is in reference to what happened to the titular ‘Thomas Parkes’ when he tried to raise spirits. Faust then admits that he’s unsure of his own ability to ‘raise spirits’, but says he hopes that he’ll raise some fists in agreement that there’s something wrong with the underground scene. Ironically (you’ll see why this is ironic very soon), he doesn’t like that certain bands, namely Entombed, are selling so many copies of their LPs.

After a brief diatribe on just that, he goes on to explain that he was in a rush to get this mag out because of problems with the printer. Then, he tells anyone who doesn’t like the fact that this ‘zine only features black metal that they can fuck off, with three exclamation points.

Finally, we get to the end of the opening page, where Faust pulls what can only be called an early form of the Twitter exposed thread. It reads as follows, with absolutely no changes to the text:

“I would suggest you to not do any business with that sucker Evil Ludo from France. He have riped me and several others off, by not return what we ordered. I suppose he’s a medical sensation, as I didn’t know it was physical or psychical possible to live without a brain”

Why am I telling you all of this, when this is only meant to be a transcript of an interview with Euronymous, you may be asking? Because I find it funny, that’s why.

Anyhow, the Euronymous here acts and feels very differently from the Euronymous of the last interview I posted. However, I hope you’ll still enjoy it, and I hope you’re able to appreciate the tiny glimpses of humanity talking to a close friend allowed him, even though they both behave like complete asses. Even though it’s hard to sympathize with him at points.

Like last time, any (sparse) commentary will be between (parenthesis) and in bold. Without further ado, let’s get into it.

.

F: Well, how in hell shall one be able to come up with an intro worthy enough for this band? The words I wanna describe Mayhem’s music with, is not yet created, and it won’t be created either, because no one has really experienced the real darkness and pure brutality with lays behind Mayhem’s hellish sound, but I suppose you all are familiar with this band anyway. Well, in the first place, I hadn’t really thought to enclose this band in this issue, because if we look away from rereleases of old demos (“Pure Fucking Armageddon”) and live tapes, it’s a pretty long time since their last release (in ‘87 that was). I thought I rather should interview them when they released their forthcoming album “Dee Mysteriis Dom Sathanas”, but due to the circumstances, I realised the time was right for an interview now. I won’t bother you with any history shit, but I could tell a bit about what has happened last year. You all know that their vocalist Dead comited suicude in April ‘91, that was a bigg loss for the underground, and I suppose I don’t need to say that this mag is dedicated to the memory of that infernal man. Anyway, Dead was replaced by Cultòcùlus (back then called Occultus), but due to different problems within the band, he left the band in January ‘92, but let’s not say more about that, as Euronymous didn’t want me to say anything about it at all (but Euronymous, you must admit that it has sounded pretty artificial if I hadn’t mentioned it at all). So now, the band consists of Hellhammer (drums) and Euronymous (guitar (and probably bass too)). I know the singer of Tormentor (rip) from Hungary (Esihar Attila) is interested in singing on the album, and also even moving to Norway, so it seems like Mayhem got some sort of predilection to foreign vocalists, but this Hungarian guy happend to be a good one as well, so never mind that. But I don’t think this is official, so don’t tell anyone you read it here, ok? Well then, it’s an honour for me to dedicate the next following pages to one of today’s most legendary and infamous bands......... THE TRUE MAYHEM!!!!!!!

F: First of all Euronymous, I know you and Dead live/lived totally for the old black metal attitude. Is your hate now total to young and trendy bands after Dead’s suicide?

Euro: YES, we have declared WAR. Dead died because the trend people have destroyed everything from the old black metal/death metal scene, today “death” metal is something normal, accepted and FUNNY (argh) and we HATE it. It used to be spikes, nites, chains, leather and black clothes, and this was the only thing Dead lived for as he hated this world and everything which lives on it. If we had the economic possibility to do it, we should meet up at concerts and beat up ALL trend people ALL the time untill they would be too scared to go to concerts at all, now we need to suck their money instead. It’s impossible to stop the trend no matter how much we want, we have to do the best out of it and sell lots of trend shit to them. (I don’t need to tell you that that’s totally not why Dead killed himself, right?)

F: In the spring of ‘91 you started up a shop in Oslo which sells all sorts of music within metal. Is there anything you can tell us about the shop (ideas? plans?)?

Euro: Well, the original idea was to make a specialist shop for metal in general, but that’s a long time ago. Normal metal isn’t very popular anymore, all the children are listening to “death” metal now, I’d rather be selling Judas Priest than Napalm Death, but at least now we can be specialized within “death” metal and make a shop where all the trend people know that they will find all the trend music, this will help us earning money so that we can order more EVIL records to the evil people. But no matter how shitty music we have to sell, we’ll make a BLACK METAL look on the shop, we’ve had a couple of “actions” in churches lately, and the shop is going to look like a black church in the future. We’ve also thought about having total darkness inside, so that would would have to carry torches to be able to see the records.

F: Well, how is the situation all in all in the Mayhem camp right now?

Euro: Difficult as usual, but we’re closer than ever to record the Mayhem lp. Almost all the material is completed, then I and Hellhammer will record the whole thing with 3 guitars, 2 basses and so on. It will be very massive. Who’s to sing on the lp is not yet decided, we’ll wait and see what happens. We have several people who can do the job very well.

F: As Metalion of Slayer mag* said: “it seems like you at certain times lives on the edge of starvation”. Have you ever been on the thought to just give up the whole band and become a normal 9 to 5 person, or is this a completely stupid question to ask?

Euro: It has been very hard at times, but I am not a normal person anyway so it would just not be possible to do that. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about why things are as they are (this answer will be long) (that’s okay for me/Ed). The reason why we don’t have any money, is because of hardcore. We have for too long been following the “underground” rules, which say that you must hate money, you must not think you are anything, you must be open-minded, you might have a lot of attitudes and so on. Extremely stupid. But the situation has been that if you don’t follow these rules which are made by hardcore pigs, you are not accepted as a death metal or black metal band! Then you MUST be signed by some big label to be able to make some money, and we’ve never wanted to do that. Then you would anyway be labelled as “commercial” by the HC pigs. This has caused that after 8 years, we are still as broke as ever, while the HC pigs themselves are controlling all labels, and they sign only the bands which fit into their own idiotic world, that means “death” metal bands with society lyrics and jogging suits, and this is what the people see when they grow up. They don’t see any EVIL bands with spikes, as we did. Well, I’m tired about being broke, just to be “underground”. I’m tired of not having money to eat for just because tons of people will call you a “rip-off” if you don’t write 20 letters each day. It’s time to say fuck off to the whole system, which is built to strangle the evil bands in the birth. We must start taking inspirations from the ancient ones, from Venom and their likes. They did their thing BIG, and they never had to think about any idiotic underground rules. They did it big and so must we, but it must never become a trend, it must become a CULT. This is why we have started on a brand new policy with the band and the record label. It’s about time that someone makes a label for black metal and other grim music, and STRIKE BACK. There is NO reason why DSP shouldn’t be as big as Peaceville or Nuclear Blast, if we can just get the business on its feet again and get good distribution. That’s the only way to compete with the HC labels. It’s about time we start taking control over our own scene. We must spread the EVIL bands and pervert people’s souls.

F: What about the Norwegian scene then? Don’t you think that something is terribly wrong when it have gone so far that we have a christian “death metal” band here (Crush Evil)? Advices on how we should kill them?

Euro: First of all— the Norwegian scene is the BEST. There are a lot of GREAT bands (yet with no album out) and of course some shitty trend bands, but nothing as in Sweden. There you have 2-3 good bands out of 100, while here we have a few shit bands who hardly have made even a demo, while all the great bands will make records in the near future. Such as Darkthrone, Burzum, Immortal, Thorns (I’m flattered/ED*), Arcturus, Enslaved and newer bands like Malfeitor and others which I have not yet heard. BUT— when it comes to bands like Crush Evil, we must take serious action. It’s bad enough to have a couple of society bands, but a CHRISTIAN band is too much. But don’t worry, we have plans. They will not continue for a very long time.

F: And now over to something more humouristic....yes.... snuff movies. Who had been the perfect actor for a snuff movie, and why the hell aren’t they legalized? Don’t you think that every video-store should have its own section with snuff-movies?

Euro: Actually I think it’s great that movies like that are forbidden. If they were legal and easily accessible, all the small trend children would be watching them, and then it would not be something extreme anymore (I’m not sure if I agree with you here Euronymous. Snuff movies are usually too raw and brutal for the people with their “peace and life” infected minds. Remember the HC rules/ED) (shut the fuck up, Faust*) It’s just the same what happened to death metal— it became something everyone could buy in every store, something normal and accessible for everyone. All the mystic and evil atmosphere is GONE. I do not think snuff-movies are funny, I think they are DARK. I’ve seen people laugh at them, but that’s probably because they will not be mentally able to take the PAIN and EVIL on over themselves. That is the best way to watch such a movie, to try to FEEL the actual pain of the victims. It becomes much more gruesome then, and that’s great. One must be alone in the darkness and suffer with the victims, if you watch it with other people, they will often talk, laugh and so on, and then you get more distanced from it, it’s not supposed to be funny (death to fun), it’s much better when it’s depressive.

F: Through the years you have been talking about releasing bands like Samael, Rotting Christ, Master’s Hammer, Tormentor, Matricide, Imperator, Massacre etc. on Deathlike Silence Prod., but now some of these bands have released lp’s on labels which only have money in their eyes and know that black metal sells. Doesn’t that frustrate you, and don’t you feel it like the time is running out for you?

Euro: It’s a bit frustrating, but it is also a result of trying to be “underground” which is a suicide policy. Anyway, the main thing is that these evil records get released at all, and not who’s releasing them. We will probably release a record with Tormentor, they’re split up, but they still want to make their Anno Domini demo on vinyl, and we’ll try to fix it within the summer. The time is not running out, because there are a lot of really evil bands around. — most of the Norwegian bands which other labels haven’t heard about. Burzum is ten times better than all the bands on Earache together, and so are Thorns and Arcturus. So there is no problem, really. As for bands like Rotting Christ and Master’s Hammer, we might do something in the future instead. I’ve never been talking with Samael about any deal, but I wish I had as their album is FUCKING GREAT.

F: Almost all bands in the underground today says that they think they got their own style and originality, but the fact is that 95% of the bands sounds totally the same. What is an original death metal band today?

Euro: There exists no death metal bands today. There are only a handful of (mostly great) bands (in case someone hadn’t got it right— black metal has nothing to do with the music itself, both Blasphemy and Mercyful Fate are black metal. It’s the LYRICS, and they must be SATANIC. If not, it is NOT black metal) and what we choose to call LIFE METAL bands. Take a band like Therion. Their music is quite ok, it’s actually one of the best Swedish bands (even though that doesn’t say much) but their lyrics STINK. They are about society and pollution, what the fuck has that got to do with DEATH? If a band cultivates and worships death, then it’s death metal, no matter what KIND of metal it is. If a band cultivates and worships Satan, it’s black metal. And by saying “cultivates death”, I don’t think about thinking it’s funny, or being into gore, I’m thinking about being able to KILL just because they HATE LIFE. it’s people who enjoy to see wars because a lot of people get killed. How many bands think that way? Not many. I can’t think of one.

F: You’re maybe not the most active band when it comes to gigs, but at least you’ve managed to tour Germany and Turkey. What can you tell us from the tour, and is there any new gigs planed?

Euro: That tour was a big mess, we’ll NEVER take the train again! We lost quite some money, but still it was great to get to East-Germany and Turkey. The memories of the tour consist mostly of the starvation and idiotic custom officers, but still I wouldn’t like to have missed the opportunity. We don’t have any concrete plans, we’ll see happens in the future. We don’t like to play for a lot of trendies in jogging suits, so we prefer to leave it be.

F: What do you think of the fact that death metal has been on MTV?

Euro: It sucks. But it isn’t death metal anyway, so....

F: I know that you will soon release the debut album of Abruptum on DSP, so, what can you tell us about it?

Euro: It’s EVIL. It’s PURE EVIL, they were torturing each other in studio DURING the recording and you can HEAR on the music how they SUFFER. It will be the most demented record EVER, and it’s NOT for normal people. This is music which NEVER can become trendy, because normal people won’t be able to understand it. And that’s great. The price for the album it’ll be the same as for the BURZUM lp, which should be somewhere else in this ‘zine*. It’s called “Obscuriratem Advoco Amplèctere Me”, and stay away from it if you don’t like pure DARKNESS.

F: Don’t you think that people in the underground should respect others ideas and views more? I mean, it’s not accepted to spread unpopular thoughts. It seems like there is some sort of guardians of morality and most people keep in mind not to say or do anything which is not accepted by the public.

Euro: I don’t think people should respect each other. I don’t want to see trend people respecting me, I want them to HATE and FEAR. If people don’t accept our ideas as their own, they can fuck off because then they belong to a musical scene which has NOTHING to do with ours. They could just as well be Madonna fans. There is an ABYSS between us and the rest. Remember— one of the HC rules is that you must be open-minded (except for themselves), so we must be careful and avoid being open-minded ourselves. The HC pigs have correctly made themselves guardians of morality, but we must kick them in the face and become guardians of anti-morality.

F: You say you want your riffs to have a dark mood and really sound evil, but what if you came up with a riff which just sounded good, but not evil. Would you use it then?

Euro: Well, if a riff sounds good to me, it mostly means that it sounds evil too. At least when I make the music myself. Haven’t really thought about this about this before.

F: Do you think you’ve been playing this sort of music today if it weren’t for those old bands like Mercyful Fate, Venom and Hellhammer?

Euro: It’s impossible to say. Venom and the other ancient ones have been fundamental influences on Mayhem, and also the direct reason of the band’s existence. We like to think that if they hadn’t started up this, we would have, but who knows? Doesn’t really matter anyway, we hail ancient Venom as the CREATORS.

F: Ok, no more questions at the moment. End the interview in what way you want......

Euro: Perhaps it should be mentioned that well re-release the MAYHEM mini-lp “Deathcrush” VERY soon. We also have t-shirts available now. People should write for prices on things. Be EVIL, not open-minded.

Ok, I suppose some of you already know that Euronymous started up a shop in Oslo in the spring of ‘91. The shop is called “HELVETE” (which is Norwegian and means “HELL”) and are specialized within underground stuff and death metal in general (though he also have some other styles of music there). As he said in the MAYHEM interview, the shop really have a black metal look, so if you ever visit Oslo, I really recommend you to visit “HELVETE” as well. I think it’s good that people take the initiative to start up with such things, because if everyone were just passive, we would all get ruined by poser-shops like Hot Records where they take 140 NKR for the Earache albums (which you in “HELVETE” can get a CD for the same price). Euronymous also sells though mail, so write and ask for a list or something: HELVETE, Schweigaardsgt. 56, 0656 Oslo. NORWAY.”

That’s all! :)

And now for the things I put in asterisks, in order of their appearances.

*If for some reason you actually don’t know who Faust is, he was the drummer on the Emperor LP and “In The Nightside Eclipse” but you might also know him from other great hits such as “threatening to kill Mortiis from prison whilst simultaneously attempting to plead murder of the secondth degree”, “I’m glad the people Euronymous ripped off won’t get their money back because he’s dead hA hA!”, “I got fourteen years for murder because I’m a socially inept virgin— oops” and “bad... bad lyrics who’s quality somehow don’t improve with the passing of time”. All jokes are done in good humour— if it seems like I dislike him, it’s not that at all. I just find him easy to make fun of.

Here is another short bio, this one less sarcastic: he was born in Trondheim, lived around Kvikne, and Lillehammer, worked at Helvete, was a close friend of Euro’s, and has his sun in Taurus.

He also beefed with Glen Benton for dissing the Party City cape (Note: of course I’m being extremely reductive) he and Euronymous seemed to share. Here are a few pictures of Faust:

Here is the infamous Party City cape:

*This was surprisingly hard to find. I think he read it in a mag or something. Here’s a link to where you can find it: https://issuu.com/davidgamble/docs/paranormal37/3 page 64-65.

*Slayer mag was another zine, this one by a bloke named Metalion, who was Euro’s best friend.

*Faust (who felt the strange need to make a distinction between himself, the editor, and himself, the interviewer) also played in Thorns (well, Stigma Diabolicum), under the hilarious moniker: Fetophagia✨

*He’s being a fucking idiot, what was I supposed to say? It should be noted that Faust actually went down for the snuff films too.....

*In case you’re interested, for whatever reason, the prices for the Burzum LP were as follows:

Norge— 130 NKR

Norden— 100 K

Finland— 60 FN

Island— 1000 IK

Europe— 15$

Outside Europe,

Overseas— 15 $

Air— 22$

East Europe— 10$

By ‘norden’ he presumably meant ‘northern Norway’, and “Island” is the Norwegian word for Iceland. Notice the way he doesn’t include Sweden! (Edit: Originally I thought he didn’t include Finland because there was a black metal war with them as well, but it seems as though that feud came a bit later or had already passed)

That’s all, for real this time!

Legal disclaimer: I am absolutely, in no way shape or form, claiming that the stupid cape you see them wearing is literally from Party City. From my limited research, I’ve gathered that the Party City chain hasn’t yet opened its doors in the beautiful and glorious country we know as Norway— Norge. However, I am saying that the cheap, dinky piece of cloth covering their backs and shoulders are of the same kind of shitty quality you’d expect from a Party City Count Dracula costume and that maybe Glen had a point about how stupid Euronymous (and Faust) must’ve looked.......

[dwlrmoon]

Astrological Analysis: I.M "Duality"

An astrological analysis of I.M's solo album "Duality" & how his astrological placements manifest through the songs. Changkyun said that he poured his entire soul into this album, so I thought it'll be really cool to dissect the songs in the astrological lens because I'm in love with his artistry.

REMINDER

Observed & analyzed through western tropical astrology; we are missing information due to lack of confirmed birth time, so I can only deliver using the traditional 7 planets (mainly the personal chart) without a house system.

DUALITY

Having the album entitled "Duality" with songs expressing this topic (esp. the title track) reminds me of his Aquarius placements, mainly the Sun. I.M has his Sun in detriment, meaning that his Sun is "weak" or uncomfortable in that sign. As the sister sign of Leo, Aquarius symbolizes celebrities, fame, the star in tarot, as well as hopes & dreams. Aquarius can represent notoriety & infamy while simultaneously having the stereotype of the loner or outsider, not wanting to be perceived or "understood."

Using traditional rulership, Aquarius is ruled by Saturn who also rules Capricorn. If Capricorn rules authorities & conformities, Aquarius is the rebellious younger sibling refusing to conform & rather revolt, deviating from the norm. I.M placed his artistry in precedence; convincing SSE to use God Damn as the title track despite the profanity requiring him to release this album digitally in addition to him creating the tracks in his own style that may or may not be in line with k-pop or Monsta X.

GOD DAMN

In true I.M fashion the song & MV are very concupiscent, & since I already talked about the duality that is expressed through this song, let's talk about the MV specifically. Pisces rules escapism & addiction & his Pisces Venus was very on brand to go with alcohol as the imagery of getting high to hide from his frustrations. This piece is highly self-reflective & he encourages listeners to read between the lines, it's quite Saturnian in nature. I also love how the lyrics have that duality of hating & loving whoever/whatever that is ruining/comforting him—I really associate this with his Martian Moon (him assigning Misbehave as the song that represents him is so... Aries Moon).

HOWLIN'

No more taming 'bout my color I swing 'till I get, what’s the problem? Problem I ain't follow simply what I see I go follow what I need 'Cause I see that I'm loyal Imma go on my speed, even I'm slow

The 1st verse reminds me a lot of his Saturnian + Martian energy—no more wanting to be someone he's not, doing his own thing without care of what others may think. However, the last 2 lines really highlight the fixed modality of his Aquarius: I love that he says he's loyal even if he goes on his speed which can be slow; he doesn't care as long as he gets there.

I don't celebrate 'till I make it till the end Ain't time for the 'hol up' You want me be a shade but I'm made for a big wave Ain't time for the 'hol up'

This song has a lot of Saturnian themes esp. the chorus. It reminds us that Saturn rules time—he doesn't succumb to the challenges & distractions or "hold ups," rather focusing on his goal & only celebrating once he reaches the mountaintop. Saturn is karmic, it takes its sweet time to give you your rewards that you must work laboriously for. He knows he's made for something bigger (Aquarius), & with his perseverance (fixed), determination & passion (Aquarius Mars + Aries Moon), he will be rewarded despite all the struggles (Saturn).

Don't call me, I'm drivin' I just wanna keep on ballin’ Even though when you are hatin’ Woah Grab me when I'm fallin’ 'Cause I make myself so lonely You know that I'm howlin'

However, Saturn can be extremely isolating & Aquarius is akin to the underdog. Of course we don't know where his placements are, but his Pisces Venus contributes to that isolation. He feels lonely & he knows that, but he inevitable makes himself lonely which Aquarius natives can do when they develop that mentality of me v.s. the world sometimes. Keep in mind that Aquarius rules community yet the outsider, showcasing that wanting to be alone while wanting someone to be there for him. Saturn is burden & he's a lone wolf used to being alone carrying all that burden himself.

BURN

The night has become cold and now it's a meaningless fight I don't wanna waste my time on the past time Endless shot, let me head to the top I don't wanna waste my time on the past time Burn the accumulated emotions, burn Burn everything without leaving anything, burn

An Aries Moon anthem? I find that Aries placements love having fire/burning imagery if not in their songs then in their MVs. Aries is Martian, cardinal & fire by nature, which means that Aries Moons may get irritated fairly quickly—a quick temper? But they get over it super quickly, kind of like blowing off steam & then letting it go right after. The Moon rules our emotions, & I think the lyrics speak for itself here. The allusion to the fight is very Martian as well.

I'm mixed and complex, yeah I don't know myself well, eh Yesterday I couldn't empty it out, yeah I'd rather burn it, yeah The tears that fell are oil Make the flame burn higher Pour it out, no more regrets Burn it all up and high, yeah

I really enjoy I.M's introspective & intrapersonal nature; he always says he doesn't know himself well & accepts that rather than fighting it. He accepts all facets of himself, & that's very refreshing. The 2nd verse made me chuckle a little bit because the first 2 lines look Aquarius while the rest is Aries. Not to mention he has an Aquarius Mars conjunct Sun, so, more Martian energy there. Cardinal + Martian give me that attitude he portrays very well in this song—throw some more oil, let it burn more so that there'll be no regrets. Another Aries placement who wrote something like this? Yoongi.

HAPPY TO DIE

I could die right now, yeah I can never lie, yeah You bring me to sky Let me be yours till I die When you say goodbye, yeah Bury me on your heart, yeah Don't you say that word Could you keep it till I die? You brought me back to the real love I wanna get lost here forever

There is so much to unpack in this little song... The chorus is a mixture of Saturnian commitment & Aries headstrong, passionate reckless energy motivated by his romanticist Pisces Venus. The title itself, the whole concept of this song, is fundamentally Pisces (his DSC would be really cool to talk about here, if we had the birth time, but we don't, so).

We're childish like we were when we used to play back then I let go of rationality as if I'm drawn by the wind I don't know what this feeling is Even if I try to pretend I don't know, everything seems to be obvious, yeah I don't know, I like it the way it is I don't know me well, I don't know I guess it's not a lie that I really like you I'm happy to die right now

Verse 1 truly has my heart in a grip. He has a rational & intellectually-minded Saturnian Mercury & Sun, yet once he's in love he gets enamoured & childish, rendered completely irrational. It's giving me Aries meets Pisces—of the moment, idealistic, just overwhelming emotions taking control of his Saturnian mind, which I find funny because he has Moon square Mercury.

Things of mine might go away and shape Will just change, but don't you change When I'm low, could you make me not alone? I could die right now if we were just this crazy about each other

Pisces is sentimental & can represent past lives, that feeling of being stuck in the past? Pisces Venus is visionary & idealistic, they're more in love with the idea of love than love itself sometimes. Here we see that theme of isolation again, his Aquarius could play a role here, but his Pisces placements are also desperate to be loved. The last line, like said before, is utterly Pisces because Romeo & Juliet is known to be a Pisces type of relationship, plus with that Aries Moon... it just makes sense since Aries Moons love the rush & passion.

시든 꽃 FLOWER-ED

Somehow I have no strength to resist I stay right where I am It's not like I'm longing for someone But I'm standing there

Personally loving how his songs gradually grow more & more Piscean? The overwhelming emotion of yearning with no one to long for is so Pisces/Jupiterian Venus in general. Like I said, they're idealistic & in love with the idea of love more than anything—not the happy kind of love either. I notice that Jupiterian Venuses play with the theme of wanting a lot, mainly because they are ruled by the planet of expansion. Distance is a huge theme in Jupiterian signs, & they idealize that.

When you step on me like it's nothing I desperately want you to come back and hug mе I deeply remember your smilе that laughed at me While I was being illuminated by you

Because Pisces placements love the idea of love & the feeling of longing for someone they can get into the habit of sacrificing themselves, hence their association with the hanged man in tarot. They are too focused on the fantasy of love to take off their rose tinted glasses.

I don't really blame you I know your days by my side Have faded away Please don't disappear, oh

The hand that held me, the eyes that captured me are all blind The scattered hands, the shining eyes are gone

I don't know what else to say here, like, I think you guys understand how these verses really depicts his Pisces Venus very well... With a Venus conjunct Saturn it can really emphasize isolation & rejection as well—this aspect feels like they are deprived of love, so they crave it desperately even if it hurts them which is a theme of Pisces. Him titling this track "withered flower" in Korean is so Pisces Venus of him overall.

[drabbles-of-writing]

Reverse Au! Dump

Don’t mind my idea dumping here. Brain decided to have fun while I was at work and I have too many wips as it is, so… Thought I’d ask before I dumped, experience. Used morningmark’s comics as a base, so if you want reference. Now this isn’t all that well compiled, but here it goes.

~

Magic in the Other World is varied as it is crazy. So many styles over the generations and not a lot of organization. There are some that try to categorize it all, but that works as well as you’d expect. Some were lost, some erased, some weren’t passed down/recorded because “the power is all mine! Ahahaha!” It took a lot of time and collaboration, but eventually a sort of system was installed to help out. Still a lot of work to do, but its a step forward. Nowadays the term Wild Magic is generally reserved for those that aren’t all that well documented and understood.

Some Magics are very powerful and desirable, but also tend to be very high risk/high reward, kinda pass/fail, pretty literally Do or Die most times. So not a lot of people can use those or are even willing to. Story says this one guy named Odin hung himself on a massive tree by his own spear for nine days, no food water or rest in constant pain before he could unlock the secret of Runes. But it’s also said he gouged out his own eye to drink from the Well of Wisdom so… 

There are lots of different ways to channel magic too: wands, staves, jewelry, certain gems, familiars, potions, enchanted armaments, chants, scripts, etc. Each tool has its own advantages and disadvantages and play into a Witches’ style. Every Witch has at least two methods of spellcasting. Only children have one. Haven’t thought of how Luz gets her Palisman though. Maybe its one of those magic Artifacts like Dr. Strange’s cloak, Elder Wand, Thor’s hammer, or a Green Lantern’s Ring. Something that can’t be recreated because the secret is lost, materials no longer exist, too hard/dangerous to make, accident that can’t be recreated, etc. Happens more often than people like.

Camilla is sometimes called the Blue Witch. She’s a healer by heart and trade, but push her and she will become a one Witch Battleship. Bismark who? Aaaaand she just deleted a whole battalion. And the fortress behind them. Hide me. There are the very rare occasions, like count on one hand rare, when someone near and dear to her heart is in trouble that she takes up her other job. She’s especially terrifying when she decides to torture, those who know how to heal the body know best how to break it. Many shades of Blue, some are very close to Black. She doesn’t necessarily hate Humans exactly, but doesn’t have the highest of regard from past experiences.

Luz has training and is a proficient Witch for her age. Camilla and her father were adamant about having a general knowledge/skillset alongside her specialized skill. Jack of all trades and a master of none, still better than a master of one. She has gone through the system for her magic with varying success. Oracle magic? Zero talent. Bard classes? She can play an instrument, but can’t sing at the same time. When she does sing she tires too hard and messes up. It’s only when she doesn’t try, like absently singing along with a song or playing by her heart, that she’s good at it. Beasts? Can use them, but would rather play with them. Bleeding heart and all that. She does have a good handle on healing magic partly due to Camilla drilling necessary skills into her and partly osmosis. Her father arranged for some CQC lessons from an old friend of his which the girl loved. You get the idea. It wasn’t until she discovered Glyphs that she found her niche and her skills took off. Glyphs are one of those ‘eccentric’ or 'archaic’ styles since they haven’t been used in so long after being lost and are barely understood. She still has a long way to go, but she is on her way.

Luz never really had much in the way of friends, partly cuz of high profile parents which leads to certain pressures and a target on her head, partly because of her magic style and personality, and partly because of the trouble been going on. Luz grew up her whole life with this tension of a group of anarchists trying to burn society that’s just trying to do the right thing. The anarchists started small, but have been a growing problem the past few decades with talk how to 'reshape the world’ in not a good way. Anyone with critical thinking skills can tell this is a bad idea, but they are too brainwashed to notice. They harass anyone who doesn’t follow their rhetoric and attack anyone who even questions them. Luz’s parents put a real kink in a lot of their plans for years, which makes Luz guilty by association. 

Luz got caught in one of those sudden larger scuffles and was accidentally chucked/blown through a portal created by an attempted tactical retreat that went off course. Hence why she can’t go home because she hasn’t learned how to do portals yet. Those are high level anyway so how did these guys pull it off so easily? Luz has a hard time blending in obviously. Learning how to use a phone was a fun endeavor. Internet was a trip. Luz is amazed how these people can do all this cool stuff without magic. Keep a low profile sure, she can pass off as a weird out of town kid. Keep the beanie on, underperform in gym and stuff because some things don’t change, like genetics. Someone sharp eyed will see discrepancies. The Beanie has a small Glamor spell built in that covers her witchy traits but she forgot the ears which is why it sits like it does. Luz can erase memories in case she has an accident, but it’s less of a 'remove my face from this picture with a scalpel’, and more of a 'lemme just hack off the past hour or three from your brain with an axe.’ If she tries to take any more then she starts burning into some more dangerous territory and those Wiped are groggy and disoriented for a while after already. Then the magic attacks start happening and her heroic instinct/anti-bystander complex kicks in and there goes that. It runs in the family so Camilla isn’t surprised in the slightest when she finds out.

“Oh titan, why did you curse me with another me?” “I’m right here Mami!”

Eda has a shack very akin to Grunkle Stan. Lots of junk that Lilith can’t believe that people are dumb enough to buy. She’s also involved in some not so legal dealings on the side. Well, Eda isn’t actually hurting anybody and the tax dollars she should be paying would only go towards some politicians’ next yacht or another pointless overseas 'investment’ instead of where it’s supposed to go so. Eda does give some good intel on occasion and a place to vent so Lillith overlooks her. Lil’s more of the secret police for witches and a petty crook isn’t part of her job anyway. Eda understands Luz’s predicament and is willing to help. The cover story is that Camilla work in hospitals and has to work crazy hours while her dad passed away so is living with Eda for a while. King is that kind of critter that grew up weird and acts like ten different animals all the time.

Gus is the nerdy kid who infodumps on everybody, even if they’re not listening. Loves anything fantasy/sci-fi related and plays Minecraft too. A good kid at heart, but needs some social skills. Keep him away from anything more sugary than tea. Luz learned a lot listening to him. Not all of it is entirely useful, but still. Some of his ramblings give her some good ideas for magic and stuff, like putting Glyphs on cards.

The Blights are the cool rich kids obviously, and have some discipline and social issues. Big family name makes them intimidating for normies and a meal ticket for the unsavory. These kids need real friends. They decided to act out to get some attention from the parents who then decided to ignore them. “If you’re going to act like a child tantrum, get treated like one.” Ed is perfect for Drama classes, if he were allowed to partake. Can’t decide what Em is great at, hacking perhaps? Amity’s car is an inheritance from the only family to treat her as such Twins aside, even if she’s too young to remember it. She only remembers that she has feelings surrounding the car. All three of them were pretty impressed with Luz for standing up to them, calling them out on their shit, and not giving a crap about their family name. Being treated like a normal person is pretty weird. Can we get her to do that again?

Amity tried dating Boscha once, didn’t work out very well. Boscha is still hurting over Amity’s comment of “I’d rather go date the new weird kid (Luz) than go back to you.” It’s one of the reasons she goes after Luz. She has that kind of Bud personality from Spider Man, feels lesser and so acts out so much. 

“Wow, this new Witch is amazing. Not as cool as the original Witch.”

“What is it with the Witch with you?”

“Oh, she’s a hero. Looks out for the city and the little guy. She inspires me. Makes me want to be a bigger person. *sees Luz* What’s up Luz-er?”

~

And that’s what I got right now. I know there was more, but it’s lost to the void right now. Might come back later, maybe not. Lemme know what you think.

............

DAMN you weren’t lying when you said you had an info-dump this is *chefs kiss* you got me intrigued now

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Well I listened to an episode of the Peacock & Gamble radio show today that follows interestingly from the post I made yesterday about how the dynamic’s changed a bit, Ed and Ray have a somewhat more adversarial relationship, Ed in a more clearly “straight man” role, it’s still very funny but some things work less well. There was other stuff going on too, but it seemed to turn around a little bit in episode five (March 24, 2014 – the first episode in which they actually said the date at some point during the episode, and I’ve been able to work out the previous episodes’ air dates from that, so I finally have those). When they’re three hours each, a lot can change in just one episode.

Adding a cut because this got long. Some discussion of misogyny ahead. Not from the comedians.

Episode 5 immediately felt a bit different because Ed was doing a fair bit more talking than usual. And not just talking more but talking first, cutting Ray off a little quicker than usual, being the person to drive the direction of conversation slightly more. I’d noticed in previous episodes that he sometimes faded a bit into the background in these, as he’d occasionally done in their interviews from Edinburgh, but in this episode he was getting right in there.

I have a guess as to why this was, and it’s related to the fact that he’d developed a new running joke throughout the episode, which was cutting Ray off to say “Don’t start talking about your depression.” Which probably looks terrible out of context so it’s only fair that I clarify, at no point did it sound like Ed Gamble thought anyone, including Ian Boldsworth, should not talk about their depression in real life. He said it in a jokey way, had picked this as an episode catchphrase it’s of a funny thing to say (because you’re not supposed to say that and saying things you’re not supposed to say is funny, Peacock and Gamble based a whole double act on that principle) – but also doubled as a way to genuinely cut Ray off any time he started on something that could go off the rails. Like when he brought up his dead fish again, or his Muppet collection that was in the bath because he hadn’t unpacked his new place. Ed would shut that down with “Don’t start talking about your depression” and change the subject.

They also referenced the fact that Ed had been to his place the other night and found him in a bad way, and I’m going to guess that the balance of Ray Peacock’s mental health breakdown had recently been tipped to Ray being genuinely worrying to the people around him, and Ed didn’t want him driving the direction of the radio show in that state. Ed sounded slightly nervous about this, I think, and the dynamic was different again.

Then their fucking guest arrived. He arrived during this song, which I got fully caught up in. I’d never heard that song before, but since I first heard it on their radio show about six hours ago, I’ve downloaded it to my phone and I’m obsessed with it. I sat on the train to work today and was amazed at how good it was. I may have been especially drawn into it because it happens to be very thematically relevant to the Ray Peacock stand-up shows I listened to yesterday and hugely enjoyed (I say “happened to” as though it’s a coincidence, I assume Ray Peacock was into this song then because he was writing that show). Not just the general theme of mental health, but this song covers the specific topic that show explored, about nature vs. nurture and origins stories of issues, those topics had stayed in my mind because that’s what a very very good stand-up show will do to you, then then this song came on the next day, it was so good, I was enjoying it so much.

Then, this voice I haven’t heard before interrupts the song, and asks what the fuck is this rubbish. Ray and Ed interrupt their own songs all the time, it was a remark of respect for this song that they hadn’t interrupted it yet, but it was jarring to hear someone else get in there and be so rude about it right off the bat. They told him it was Amanda Palmer (helpful, that saved me a Google since I didn’t know the song but immediately knew I wanted it), he said it was fucking awful and they should turn it off. Their guest had arrived, and had immediately created a sour atmosphere both in the radio show in general, and in my specific experience of it, cutting that off so abruptly.

They said their guest was a porn star, and I immediately assumed it was a comedian who does a terrible character (the guests in the first four episodes were all comedians – Al Murray, Thom Tuck, Johnny Vegas, Angela Barnes), but I Googled him and he’s an actual porn star. He’s also a terrible person. Those things are not related, not all porn stars are terrible people. But fucking hell, he was.

It was all right for a while. They asked him a bunch of questions about what it’s like to do this job that most people know little about (little about how it works, anyway), a couple of the answers were sort of interesting, it was a bit awkward and the guy was being a bit of a dick but not that bad. Ray, who’d been fading slightly into the background (for the first time, as far as I can tell, ever) earlier in the episode, really came alive when he had the chance to ask a professional all his questions about dick size and gay experimentation and other topics on which he frequently fixates. They seemed to have more correspondence than they’d ever had before from listeners as well, constantly reading out questions they got over Twitter and texts from people who wanted to know things about the famous porn star (including one message from someone named Danielle Ward, and – I assume it’s not that one, surely she has better things to do than listen to this, but if she was listening to that horrible interview, makes it more understandable why she quit working public performance, you’d want to get away from that shit).

So it was all right for a bit, they were bantering with him and reveling in saying rude and inappropriate things because he works in sex and that’s inherently rude and inappropriate and that fits right into P&G comedy, and they’re so into it that it takes a little while for the atmosphere to catch up when it turns from funny-inappropriate to bad-inappropriate. The guy tells a couple of stories that have the tone and cadence of the funny-inappropriate stories, but if you think about them for half a second they’re actually about genuinely exploiting vulnerable people (specifically vulnerable women) in real life and they’re horribly fucked up.

Ray and Ed dealt with it relatively well, I’m not sure there is a really good thing to do in that situation unless you’re willing (and able) to just kick the guy out of the studio. Ray got back in charge a bit, started occasionally pointing out that these stories aren’t really okay, but the guy didn’t really seem bothered by that.

I found it interesting as a look at the old issue of irony in inappropriate comedy. You know, the thing that makes anything Peacock & Gamble have ever done acceptable. Saying awful things ironically these days is considered less okay than it used to be, and I think that’s a sign of the actual comedy changing, as well as audience attitudes about it changing.

Twenty, fifteen, even maybe ten years ago, if people said something awful ironically, it was reasonable for other people to assume they didn’t “secretly mean it”, the joke was that they understand it’s a bad thing to say and are making fun of people who’d say those things for real. At some point in the last decade, we’ve all figured out that the genuinely terrible people use irony as a shield when they say awful things, and if someone is saying that stuff “ironically”, there’s a decent chance that they do secretly mean it and are justifying it that way. Or that they might not personally mean it, but they’re happy to intentionally appeal to audience members who do, who will laugh because “You can’t say anything anymore, isn’t it great that that person’s standing up for my right to be racist!” Or that the joke “It’s funny because it’s true”, rather than “It’s funny because some horrible people believe this for real.”

Of course, sometimes, even ten or fifteen or twenty or thirty years ago, people would say horrible things as a joke, and the joke would be “It’s funny because it’s true.” But they didn’t usually wrap it up in irony, at least back then. You could tell the difference more easily. The difference between comedians saying awful things because they think awful things are funny, and comedians saying awful things ironically because they want to make fun of the people who actually think that way. I think there did used to be a much clearer difference than there is now.

And that is why I will accept a lot more ironic awful things in comedy from the 00s than in comedy that’s made today. Why I will laugh a lot at Peacock & Gamble saying something terrible in 2011, when if someone said the same thing in 2024, and tried to claim the same amount of irony, I’d say irony’s not a good defence for that. I guess in that one specific way, it’s true, you maybe can’t say anything anymore. But that's not my fault. It's not the Wokerati's fault (I am, to be clear, among the Wokerati). It's the fault of the terrible people who broke the pact where we all promised that irony means we don't really mean it.

Though to be fair, I have never heard any comedian from the last few years, who does material where they “ironically” say horrible things, and is anywhere near as funny as Peacock & Gamble. So there’s another extremely significant difference, I’ll laugh at Peacock & Gamble in 2011 and not at people who say horrible things in 2024 because the former was much much funnier than the latter. But there’s a political difference too.

This is something I think about at times, because to be honest, I’m surprised Ed Gamble hasn’t been canceled. Cancel culture’s not a real thing, most cancelations are just someone getting in trouble for a few weeks and then everyone forgets about it, that’s all that I’d expect to happen here. But with all the “re-surfaced clips of wholesome entertainer saying something terrible back in the day, people will get mad for a few weeks and everyone will shout ‘cancel culture!’ and then everyone will forget and it’ll be fine” – with all the times that’s happened, I’m surprised no one’s done it to Ed Gamble. I’ve tried to be a bit careful, while listening to the old P&G stuff, I’ve posted audio clips from it less often than I do with other stuff I listen to, and when I have posted clips, I’ve done some pretty surgical cutting to make sure I don’t get the worst stuff in there. Because it doesn’t seem fair to take some shit he said that long ago and post it on social media with no context in 2024, and I don’t have time to explain the massive amounts of context involved (including the stuff in this post, it would need to come with an explanation of “this was back when irony was used to demonize rather than normalize terrible things, or at least, that’s how most people thought it worked”, as well as “Okay they did plan all that out, the other guy was in on it, it’s all right”), and even with the full context there’s plenty of it that’s still not justifiable.

I’m careful in what I post on Tumblr because of theoretical principle, but to be honest, I could post whatever the hell I wanted on here and it would have no effect on Ed Gamble’s career because no one’s look at Tumblr. But I have definitely heard some things in those old episodes that have made me think “If I really wanted to ruin a few weeks of Ed Gamble’s life, and I wanted to clip the worst of this out of context and post it on some social media sites the people actually read and do that thing where you tag people so it gets picked up, I bet I could cause a problem.” I wouldn’t do that, to be clear. I’m just saying I find it a bit weird that I think I could. Because if I could, then that means anyone who’s heard those podcasts could, and I find it surprising that no one has. Surely someone will at some point.

Anyway. The point, to get back to that, is that this fucking guest really drew a line that illustrates how much irony does mean something. Maybe it doesn’t these days, maybe these days if you say something awful then that probably means you’re just awful no matter how much irony there is. But in that radio show from 2014 (not all that long ago, by some measures), there was an extremely clear difference between the guys who say terrible things because it’s funny to have a giggle about breaking the rules, and the guy who started saying terrible things because he was clearly a genuinely terrible person. That difference was so clear, and it became clear so very fast, and you could listen in real time as Ray and Ed realized it was there and didn’t know how to confront it, and it made for incredibly uncomfortable listening. Not funny-uncomfortable, the way I find a lot of things, I will frequently laugh at an uncomfortable comedy situation just because it’s uncomfortable. But this was a different thing, nothing about it was funny.

It escalated bit by bit, and by the time Ray said they only had a couple of minutes left and would wrap this up, I thought, that was rough but could have been worse. I thought it might end without too bad an incident. But then, in the “wrapping it up”, they brought up a show this guy did years ago on which Lucy Porter also appeared. The guest started talking shit about Lucy Porter, and even if I hadn’t heard him say a word so far that episode, I would immediately know he was a dick, because who talks shit about Lucy Porter? Lucy Porter is wonderful. No decent person hates Lucy Porter.

This guy starts saying “She was horrible to me on that show,” and I’m thinking, “Good for her, I’m sure you fucking deserved it.” Then he said “She thought I was some sort of misogynist,” and I’m thinking, “Good for her for working that out so fast.” Ed and Ray are hanging back a bit, obviously not willing to join in and talk shit about a comedy colleague live on air (actually, they have talked shit about comedy colleagues in the past, but ones who’ve deserved it, which obviously Lucy Porter doesn’t), but not able to just tell the guy to fuck off. Until Ray announced that a producer in his ear has just told him Lucy Porter is, by total coincidence, in the next studio.

I can’t imagine why anyone thought it would be a good idea to tell him that. That’s the only part of this that makes me slightly wonder if it could have been a setup – why the fuck would they tell compulsively impulsive Ian Boldsworth, who was known to be in the middle of a breakdown and even more impulsive than usual – that Lucy Porter was next door while this was happening? But apparently they just told him that because they thought it would be interesting information. Ray, of course, immediately announced that he didn’t feel comfortable listening to someone say those things about her when she had no right of reply, and he was going to go get her so they could settle this.

You can then hear him get up and run out of the room. Just as you hear the studio door close, the porn star guest makes his most overtly misogynistic comment yet, saying she’s not even funny and she only gets work because she’s a woman. There were misogynist undertones in nearly everything he’d said so far during that interview, there were misogynistic overtones in the way he’d talked about Lucy Porter, but that one comment crossed a new line, and he said it when only Ed was in the studio.

At this point, I hadn’t laughed in a while. I’d laughed a little bit early on in the interview, but my laughs had stopped once he started telling legitimately terrible stories that were just about exploiting women, it was bad-uncomfortable rather than funny-uncomfortable, the irony was long gone, it wasn’t okay. But I have to admit, when that happened, I did find myself having to cover my mouth and work really hard to stifle hysterical laughter on a crowded bus. But I took one moment to think about the situation Ed Gamble was in, and that suddenly seemed incredibly, amazingly funny. I still think that’s amazingly funny, I stand by my laughter there.

Fucking hell. He started that episode clearly a bit nervous about the way he needed to step up a bit and keep this show on track while Ray was having a breakdown, maybe handle a little more than he was used to (I mean, obviously he was very used to things like this as he’d been performing comedy for years, but he wasn’t used to being the main person driving the chat in this specific radio show), make sure it doesn’t go entirely off the rails. And then he had to deal with an incredibly uncomfortable interview where he and Ray were faced with the choice, live on air, of how hard to push back on this guy saying awful things, always a tricky balance to strike in the moment. And then this guy had suddenly escalated his terrible-ness, including attacking a comedy colleague, putting Ed in an even more difficult position. And then, just as it reached its peak, Ray ran out, doing two things to make it worse for Ed: 1) he had to worry about what will happen if Ray manages to actually get Lucy Porter in there because bringing her in might be the sort of “going off the rails for real” that he’d been trying to prevent, and 2) he was left alone with the horrible porn star, still live on air, excepted to talk to him, and just as he was left alone, the overtly misogynistic comment got said and he had to answer it himself.

That was the funniest fucking thing that could have happened. I laughed so hard. What a terrible thing to be dropped into. It was like it had crossed the line twice, reached farcical levels of awful that can only be funny. Not to mention, that’s just straight-up relatable comedy. We’ve all been left in situations, like that, right? Difficult situations where luckily you have a more experience partner whom we’re relying on to competently get us through this, and then they suddenly leave the room and you’re left to try to sort it out? I’ve certainly been there. And I found it very funny to imagine Ed Gamble there multiplied several times over.

Ed awkwardly asked the guy about his TV show, managed to turn it into a borderline normal interview for about 90 seconds. Then Ray bursts back into the room, and at that point I was so sure that either this had been some sort of setup and Lucy Porter was never there and no one told Ray anything in his ear and he’d say he couldn’t find her, or maybe she somehow was there but obviously she was busy and he’d have to say he’d failed to find her and this guy can get out of the studio now. But nope. I hear a voice that’s very familiar to me off Radio 4, he’d actually fucking brought Lucy Porter in.

I’m as sure as I possibly can be that this wasn’t a setup. If it had happened on a radio show I didn’t know, I’d automatically assume it was a setup. But I really don’t think this was. No one sounded prepared for it. They threw Lucy at him, explained live on air what had happened. She said she remembered that show from 15 years ago, she had disliked him. And then she apologized for that, which I didn’t think she should do because I’m sure she was the one in the right, but also I didn’t blame her for a moment, because what the fuck was she supposed to say? This went on for a horribly awkward minute or so, then they said Lucy Porter really does have to leave, and it turned out Ray had burst into Sean Hughes’ show that was actively recording in order to get her, and they needed her back in the other show, like really actually needed her back and you’re not allowed to just go into other studios and steal their guests, Ray shouted something about how theirs was pre-recorded and this was live so more important, but Lucy went back to the other show, and like I said, knowing everything I know about Ray Peacock, I fully believe that none of that was a lie for the microphones.

Anyway, they got both guests out of the studio, and then they had another hour of their show, just Ray and Ed, and that was different. They said they usually go for extra filth in the last hour, but they don’t really want that after listening to that horrible guest and all his filth (meaning “filth” as in sex talk and “filth” as in unironic misogyny, conflating them in a very uncomfortable way that highlights how careful they normally are to keep them apart, it also highlights how well they keep ironic misogyny apart from unironic misogyny, as soon as they had to interact with a guy who doesn’t), the mentioned thinking they need a shower.

Shortly after that, Ray put on the Ben Folds cover of Bitches Ain’t Shit (a song that Kitson was obsessed with in the 00s and used to play on his radio shows all the time, on the subject of comedians who used to do ironic bigotry but pulled back on that once the world moved to a point where it’s not so simple or okay). Ray introduced it by saying they’re going to play this now because bitches aren’t shit, and then he added “That’s not my real opinion I’m just introducing the song”. I had never heard Ray Peacock do that before. I’ve sometimes heard him say it in interviews, or when talking about something he’s done before – he’ll describe his own words and actions as ironic. But I’ve never heard him making a joke, and immediately before or after the joke, clarify that he doesn’t really mean it. He just lets the irony be obvious, which is always is.

Partway through the song, Ray and Ed started talking over it, explaining the obvious, that the misogyny in this song is ironic, it’s Ben Folds ironically covering a Snoop Dogg song, the original song may actually not have been ironic but the cover is. They were sort of semi-ironically explaining that (the irony being that of course they knew we don’t really need that explained, but they felt the need to say it anyway), but even then, they ran into more stuff on this theme, trying to explain that maybe Snoop Dogg was being unironically misogynistic but Ben Folds was only being ironically misogynistic so it’s all okay, but when you put it like that it sounds like a weak defence. Then Ray just turned the song off before it was over, Ed asked him why, he said putting on so much overt misogyny, even ironically, feels genuinely uncomfortable after the interview they’ve just had. And he was right, it did feel uncomfortable. I like that song (the Ben Folds cover, I mean), but I felt uncomfortable hearing it in that context. And that seemed like a microcosm of what was happening with ironic misogyny in general in around 2014. A perfect metaphor for it, really. Some guys are having fun and messing around with ironic jokes, then a horrible person comes in and says a bunch of misogynistic stuff and tells stories about exploiting women for real, he leaves, they try to put on a playfully ironically misogynistic song, suddenly it seems less funny. That’s basically what happened to all of culture in the last ten years.

So that was interesting. The last hour of the show was also interesting, because I think it’s the most comfortable with each other Ray and Ed have sounded since the FUBAR Radio run started. That was where this post started – saying I want to follow on from the post I made yesterday that said their dynamic has been slightly less cooperative, they’re a bit more stuck in adversarial roles. Well for the last hour of this show, I think that got a bit better. It’s like they were so relieved to have their guest gone that they just had a great time with each other. They did Ed’s Amazing Births and it actually worked, Ed relaxed into the silliness easily. It ended with Ray doing more Meatloaf karaoke and Ed talking over it about how bad this is (I’ve realized this will be a running feature, which I still don’t think is as good as Ray and Ed singing Meatloaf together, but I am finding it funnier as it goes along), but it felt vaguely cathartic and they sounded like they were having a good time.

What a fucking roller coaster for one three-hour episode. Maybe all they needed was a common enemy. Maybe they got along so well in the early days because they were united against Raji James, and they united so hard against Raji that they were able to ride that wave of being in synch with each other for years, and it didn’t start to fade until 2014, when a misogynistic porn actor brought them back together (not really, obviously I know what actually happened is they stopped spending all their time together and Ed started outgrowing Ray in a variety of ways, but I like my theory better).

[actuallyintro]

Could you write something about Ed and Lorraine dealing with insults and taunts from the media? Like, in the middle of a talk show they’re trying to stay calm and stop each other from losing their composure (or punching the host’s teeth out, in Ed’s case).

Hi anon! I'm back with a fic for you. This one ended up taking a little longer than I had originally planned but I did research for it. I wanted to base some of it off of the University scene from the "Conjuring 1" and the interview scene from the "Conjuring 2" so I tried to find the actual scripts for those scenes. I hope you enjoy it and always feel free to send in another anon prompt!

Summary: While taking part in a media interview, one of the other guests manages to insult both Ed and Lorraine, causing Ed to come to his wife's defence. Luckily, she knows how to tell when he's upset and how to calm him down. (And yes, she does.)

Wordcount: 2051 - I do apologize for how long this ended up lmao. Once I started, I realized I had quite a few scenes I wanted to add.

Untouchable

“Heros or a Hoax?” Lorraine read quickly, looking at the article in front of her as she took a sip of her morning tea. What had started out as an attempt to peacefully read the morning paper, quickly turned into her reading an article all about both her and her husband.

With their profession, she’d quickly learned that no matter where they went, who they talked to, controversy or opinions followed never far behind.

They’d been relatively successful with the different college classes they’d been invited into, often finding the younger generation more susceptible, more willing to believe in what they did day to day. They asked questions and had a pure curiosity, something they didn’t often find in people their own age.

She’d found that being in front of people, the two of them presenting together made it a lot easier for people to accept what they were talking about, compared to the few times they did public interviews. The interviews always came in with the bias of being sceptics, and while she understood why, it made it a lot harder for either of them to explain what they both did.

As she thought back on it, one interview always stood out to her. It was always the interview they had participated in right before they’d been called into the Hodgson case. Lorraine wasn’t one for such public interviews, never wanting to put her gift on show for the world, but they’d been persistent and eventually, they both gave in, agreeing to be a part of it.

They’d gotten dressed that morning, matching his tie to her skirt like usual. She knew Ed would never admit it, (too much pride) but they both enjoyed matching, it made them feel connected. Their strong bond evident, even if just in their clothes.

Ed drove them to their interview, noticing right away just how nervous his wife looked. While driving, he reached over and lightly grabbed her hand, hoping she’d talk to him. Not wanting her to put all the pressure on just herself.

“Lorraine.. we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. We can just tell them we changed our minds.” He told her seriously, looking over to her as much as he could before refocusing on the road. He’d always been more willing to try and embrace the media than Lorraine, something both of them understood.

Ed knew he didn’t have a gift to protect, at least not in the same way Lorraine did. While the cases and the stories affected him from time to time, he knew it was nowhere near how it affected Lorraine. Where he always ended up thinking back to the time she locked herself away for eight days.

Letting out a small sigh, Lorraine shook her head. “It’s alright Ed. I saw the newspaper this week, the way they’re talking about us. It’s important to set things straight.” She told him, still holding his hand.

Ed nodded, not wanting to push the issue this close to the scheduled interview. He trusted her judgement and trusted her to know her limits, what she could and couldn’t handle.

As they arrived at the interview, Ed opened the passenger door for Lorraine, letting her take the lead in this process. He figured that if nothing else, giving her the chance to be in control, might help how nervous she was.

Once they were inside, they were both quickly rushed off to the last minute microphone and makeup cheeks. Lorraine didn’t enjoy the feeling of the makeup they often tried to use on her, preferring the feeling of her own brands, the brands she knew she liked.

“You look beautiful,” Ed told her lightly once they were reunited. Not much had changed but he still noticed the makeup she was wearing, something she hadn’t been when they’d left earlier that day. Lorraine smiled over at him, happily accepting the compliment as they made their way to the interview stage.

They took a seat next to each other on the interview stage, waiting for the rest of them to arrive.

One other “expert” joined the stage, sitting opposite of Ed before the interviewer took a seat at his own desk. Lorraine let out a small breath as she waited, hoping this could be over as soon as possible.

“And we’re rolling in 5-4-3-2-1.” Lorraine heard the cameramen announced as they started filming.

“Today, we are pleased to announce our guests, both Ed and Lorraine Warren and Dr Steven Kaplan and we’d like to thank all of you for being here.” The interviewer told all three of them, as the camera panned to show each one on screen.

The first half of their interview went as well as Lorraine could have expected. She noticed Kaplan didn’t say too much, mostly observing both of them. But she also couldn’t quite get over a bad feeling she had about him, that he was waiting to say something.

After the first half was done, the cameras were paused, giving them all a few minutes for a break. Lorraine grabbed Ed’s hand as she led them off-stage, into a part of backstage where nobody else was around. She didn’t need to talk, words weren’t necessary but rather she wanted to know he was there. He took the hint right away, pulling her into a tight hug as they stood in the quiet, Lorraine listening to his slow heartbeat as he did.

A few minutes later, they both knew they couldn’t avoid going back out there any longer. He wanted nothing more than to keep holding her, hoping she’d let him do just that once they got back home, but hearing the noise from the stage, Ed knew it was time to go back.

“Ready?” He asked quietly, looking down at her as he did.

Lorraine nodded, grabbing his hand as they headed back to their seats, only separating once they sat back side by side.

“And we’re back with paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren, talking about their experiences at the Amityville house and the name they’ve made themselves in their profession.” The interviewer started once the cameras were rolling again.

‘Now, we’re going to talk to our next guest, Dr Steven Kaplan. He says the investigations the Warren’s conducted into the Amityville haunting happens to be a load of hogwash.” He finished, as the camera panned over to Kaplan, sitting up and looking smug in his seat.

Ed looked between the two of them, before interrupting, “And why is that?” He kept his voice as calm as possible, not wanting to say something rash.

“Well, it’s well established that Amityville was a blatant hoax. There’s no evidence to prove anything happened here.” Kaplan told him, his voice matter of face. He was confident in his research and the knowledge that nothing bad ever happened at Amityville.

“That’s never been proven-” Ed started before being cut off, Kaplan trying to finish with his reasoning.

“But yes it has. The Lutz family made everything up so they profit off of all the publicity. The book-deals, the movie contracts and the public interviews.” Kaplan finished, never wavering from his stance.

Lorraine could tell her husband was getting agitated, knowing all the ways he tried to hide it. She could tell as his posture tensed up and how his once relaxed hand, now sat clenched together at his side.

“That's just not true.” He started, looking directly over at Kaplan. “Understand, we see this all the time. It’s very easy to sit on the outside and pick apart their story. But it’s something very different to have been there and experienced it for yourself.”

Rather than wanting him to get more upset, Lorraine took a chance and reached over to grab his hand. She sighed silently in relief when he unclenched his fists, feeling them relax against her own.

“Listen.” Kaplan reclaimed, focusing all his attention back on the interview.

“Ed Warren’s never seen a house that he didn’t think was haunted. And by the time his wife is done blowing smoke and ringing bells, they’ve got everybody else believing in ghosts, too.” And for Ed, that was the moment he stopped playing nice. It was one thing to question him, to question the things he did, but it was another thing entirely to question his wife.

“What exactly are you a doctor anyway?” Ed asked, his voice sarcastic as if he dared Kaplan to keep speaking.

“Come on, Warren. Try and show a little class, will you?” Hearing those words, Lorraine flinched slightly, knowing nothing good would come from that. She held his hand tighter, hoping it would be enough to calm him down. Just long enough so they could get out of there.

“I’m not going to show class to somebody sitting here telling lies about my wife and I.,” Ed said, refusing to take him seriously anymore. He understood why people could be sceptical, what they did… what they experienced wasn’t something most people would ever come into contact with. But that didn’t mean, he’d let him sit there and insult who there were as people.

“Be careful who you call a liar,” Kaplan told him, leaning back into his chair as he looked over at Ed.

Before either Lorraine or Ed could respond, the interviewer stepped in at the direction of the director.

“And that’s all the time we have tonight. We’d like to thank all three of you for being here again.” The interviewer told them as the cameras stopped filming and the interviewer let out a breath he’d been holding.,

Once “cut” was called, Lorraine practically pulled Ed out of his chair, not wanting him left alone with Kaplan.

She pulled him backstage, handing him his coat as they got ready to go, knowing neither of them would want to be there longer than they needed. “Lorraine... I’m sorry.” He told her as he put his coat on, figuring she’d already be upset with him.

Lorraine put her own coat on, ready to head out, just as they were stopped by one of the members of the production.

“Mr and Mrs Warren, we know things were slightly tense out there, but we wanted to thank you both again for agreeing to this interview.” The crew member told them, reaching out to shake both of their hands.

Smiling as much as she could, Lorraine shook their hand back, telling them, “Thank you for having us. We appreciated the opportunity.” Once they were done, she let out a small breath as they made it back outside, finally feeling like she could breathe again.

However, rather than getting right into the vehicle as Ed had expected, Lorraine pulled him over to the side of their car, giving him a tight hug. Slightly surprised, it took a second for him to react before quickly hugging her back, relieved it seemed she wasn’t overly mad at him.

“I didn’t mean to react the way I did. I know.. people don’t usually get it, but I just hate hearing the way people talk about you.” Ed explained as if it wasn’t something she already knew. She knew he was protective, especially about her and their daughter.

“Ed, I know. I know he was trying to get under your skin and I know you were just trying to defend me. Obviously, I don’t love when you’re short like that, but I get it.” She emphasised, wanting him to know that no, she wasn’t mad at him.

Looking down at her, he ran a hand through the top of her hair before eventually moving back just enough from their hug as he placed a hand just under her chin so he could lean down to finally kiss her. “I love you.” He told her sincerely.

“I love you, too,” Lorraine told him, still holding his hand before looking up at him with a mischievous smile.

“Is now the appropriate time to say I told you so about interviews?” She teased lightly, letting him open the passenger door for her, ready to finally get home. Judy was staying at a friend's house for the night, meaning she’d get her husband all to herself for the night. And no matter how much she could admire him defending her, she enjoyed cuddling up with just so much more.

[orange-waterfalls]

Reader w/ wings headcanons(Markiplier Alter Egos)

ty @fancybootm​ for the request!

A/N: i just did all of them. every-all-everyone. Except Yandereplier, Silver Shepard, Ed Edgar... maybe others I’m not aware of at the moment... I tried to stick with a certain number of egos, but my hands just... they just kept moving. It is 11:00 pm when im writing this ya boy is TIRED. there are 1.6k words. It seems longer than it is bc bullet points. Bear with me. You can find the egos that you want easily. The reader is gender neutral. i am so sorry if this is not what you meant lol. on the bright side this is a good reference for all the egos i am open to writing for(also maybe others idk) so uh im keeping it enjoy. I’ll say... a T rating for cursing and also a bit of violence but literally like 20 words. mentions of injury. that’s it.

Requests are open!

Y/N(reader) with wings hcs

No one knows what the fuck you are, not even you

Ya got wings. That’s it.

Are you an angel? A faery? A phoenix? Who knows

You woke up one day in a forest remembering nothing

But you had wings

And then you got shot with an arrow

You ran away and hid in a cave

Darkiplier spends most of his time around you studying you

To see what you could possibly be

He still doesn’t know

He’s settled for calling you a “cryptid”

He’s slightly annoyed with the feathers you leave around the manor

He won’t tell you bc you can’t control that and it’d be rude

You read together in his study on occasion

You sit on the floor bc your wings get uncomfortable in chairs

In sympathy, he also sits on the floor

You think it’s sweet

You told him so and he sputtered out a “shut up and read your book”

He’s fairly fond of you

You’re good company to keep around

Wilford was the one who found you

He was walking through the forest, as one does, when he saw GIANT feathers

Naturally, he followed them

He found you in a cave with an arrow in your shoulder

He took you back to the manor and patched you up

He begged Dark to keep you there

He promised not to kill anybody for a month

He made it 15 days, which is a record

He’s very protective of you, not letting you out a lot since uh… hunters

You are his Sweet Little Songbird, light of his life, wind in his sails, 

if anything happens to you he will kill everyone in the manor and then himself

He helps you preen a lot

His hands are very gentle, surprisingly 

He spends the most time with you out of everyone

You play games, talk(well, he talks to you), and just hang out

He loves and adores you with his whole heart

Actor tolerates you, or so he says

He’s jealous of your wings

HE’S supposed to be the mysterious, sexy one!

But ok, yeah, you’re pretty interesting

He uses you in short films sometimes bc… well… wings

There are alot of things you can do with wings, surprisingly

He took you out into town one night

He shoved the wings under a thick jacket

You guys bought some clothes and food

He cut holes in the clothes for your wings, grumbling about a “waste of money” and “you never go out anyway” 

but he enjoyed spending a bit of time with you

Wilford nearly killed him(again) when he found out

He likes venting to you bc you just nod without really listening

As I said, you’re good company

Yancy thinks you’re nice

He felt a bit… threatened at first

Ya got WINGS, of course he’s cautious

But they are very pretty

And he likes to use you in choreography

People always comment on how realistic the wings are as Yancy leads you away

You don’t judge him for killing his parents, he likes that about you

You don’t know. You could’ve done something bad. You don’t remember

He likes cuddling bc you wrap your wings around him and he feels safe

He also helps you preen… sometimes… 

He’s… really bad at it...

You like listening to him sing

He sings you lullabies at night

You’re very close

Illinois is very fascinated with you

He’s convinced you’re a fairy

He’s seen quite a few of those

You tell him you don’t know, and he goes “a LiKeLy StOrY”

He likes drawing you

You’re very angelic

“Oh, maybe an angel then…” He says, like an idiot

He takes you with him on a few adventures to fly him over pits and stuff

He’d never admit it but he has a… THING about heights

It’s called a phobia, you egotistic maniac

You try to help him with it

You never get that far off the ground before he’s screaming to be put down

He appreciates the effort

He gives you things he finds on adventures that are pretty or remind him of you

He infodumps to you about curses, and archaeology, and adventuring, etc.

Magnum is uh… well, he’s Magnum

He figures you’d be useful out at sea

You can find nearby land, ships, or treasure by flying, of course

He didn’t take into account the fact that you don’t really… fly that often.

So it turned into you just stretching your wings instead of looking for loot

Once you fell overboard

Everyone was like “eh, they can fly, it’s fine”

Then they realized that you probably can’t since your wings might be wet

Magnum LEAPED into the fuckin water and THREW you back on

He doesn’t take you on the sea as much anymore

sometimes you talk about life, treasure, love, y'know the usual

He’s very Father Figure-ly

Bim isn’t sure how to feel about you

You are a person. With wings. What’s he supposed to do about that

He’s friends with Wil, so has to tolerate you at least.

He tries to make conversation, but it doesn’t always go as well as it could

You don’t have much to talk about, and some of his topics worry you

Mostly you two just kinda… exist in the same general area

Sometimes he’ll discuss what he should do on his show

You don’t have many ideas

But you’ve gotten an idea of what it is, and sometimes give a suggestion or two

He appreciates you for that

He tried to get you on the show once but Wilford refused

You kinda wanted to, but whatever

You’ll hang out sometimes too

He’s very entertaining, he has to be

Eric is kind of scared

Not that you’ll hurt him, that he’ll hurt you

That happens a lot to people he likes…

He eventually starts hanging out around you

You don’t ask bad questions, and you distract him from his dad

He talks about animals with you a lot, and how he wanted a farm

You bought a cowboy hat and gave it to him and he cried

You also gave him a stuffed cow one day

He hugged you for a long time

You two cuddle a lot bc the boy needs SAFETY and SECURITY

You wuv each other(platonically or otherwise)

Dr. Iplier doesn’t bother you, mostly

He appreciates that you keep to yourself

He has his work, that’s what he’s focused on

Sometimes he’ll see you when you try to find Wilford or get some food

He tries to get a good look at you without looking suspicious

It doesn’t work, he always falls over

He once gave you a “physical”

It was mostly to just figure out what you were

You seemed mostly human based on the results

But goddammit you had WINGS

They had their own function but were sort of like an add-on to your body

He was slightly disappointed you weren’t gonna… turn into a whole bird

You tolerate each other

Google fuckin’ hates you

He’s completely perplexed by you

Which he is never because he is the most intelligent being on the planet

So he assumed he could figure out what you were

Turns out google fucking sucks at figuring out things people don’t already know

So he hates you. Like a lot

He’s tried to kill you multiple times

But his objective is to destroy MANKIND

You are not included in that

BECAUSE HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE!!!

Also Wilford almost killed him for it

So yeah he just kinda hates you

You’ve tried to get along with him but he just wouldn’t

He finally talked to you when Bing called him a little bitch

Still hates you, but can tolerate your existence now

Bing fuckin’ adores you

You are just wonderful to him

You can FLY??!! You have WINGS???!!!!!

You don’t really care that he is an artificial BEING????!!!!!!!!

You’re perfect

He does Sick Tricks™ to try to impress you

They never do

You appreciate the effort

You don’t see him a lot, but when you to it’s very entertaining

He taught you how to skateboard

You kinda sucked but he’s very supportive

He likes just hanging around you

It’s the only time he ever chills the fuck out

Everyone’s thankful to you for that

Your entire dynamic is “what if... i put... my minecraft bed... next to yours? haha just kidding... unless?”

The Host doesn’t really care about the wings??

I mean, he can’t see them, so… what’s the big deal

You appreciate that

He still does the uh… narration thing… with real people…

The stories end better now

You convinced him to make the stories end better

You sat with him to make SURE the stories end better

He also started writing novels recently

You help with plot and character development

He appreciates that

The Jims… don’t really care about you

I mean you’re interesting, of course

But they physically Cannot get a clear picture of you

Even if you agree to sit still, it just doesn’t happen

It is always, ALWAYS blurry

They eventually give up and leave you alone

They do spend a bit of time with you

You help them with demon episodes sometimes

You don’t do much, but they like the emotional support

King of the Squirrels is… well, he’s him

He doesn’t… he doesn’t do much

He hangs out with his squirrels. That’s pretty much it.

You just started hanging out with him one day

He didn’t mind

You two feed the squirrels while sitting by a tree

He lets you wear his crown sometimes

He draws his squirrels, and lets you see the pictures

He teaches you how to draw them

You two don’t talk, really

You just sit. And hang out.

He doesn’t really smile, but you can tell when he’s happy with you

[fromthedeskofelizabeththird]

Haunted

Scoop of the day is a writing challenge with a difference. Each fic is built from a set of (for the most part) randomly generated prompts and could be about just about anything, from breakups to smut to found family. Let’s enjoy some ice cream 🍦!

More info about the challenge here

Pairing: Tamaki Amajiki x Reader

Rating: Gen

Flavour(s): Milk Chocolate, Cherry Chocolate Chip

Prompt: 16, Panic, 30, Fulfilment

You don’t believe in ghosts, so who is it that’s following you?

~~~~

First things first, you weren’t a paranoid sort of person.

You believed in coincidences and twists of fate.

You were also, however, starting to believe in ghosts.

It all started when you moved into the dormitories after summer break. As strange as it sounded, you couldn’t shake the feeling that someone was watching you. You lost track of how many times the hairs on the back of your neck stood on end, only to look over your shoulder and find no one there. Sometimes, when you were alone in the kitchen, you were sure you heard someone whispering your name.

The other girls in your class blamed it on stress. After a while, so did you.

You took to making chamomile tea and listening to whale sounds before bed. You found meditation and yoga exercises on the internet and tested them out. It worked for a time.

The moment you returned to classes, however, it started all over again. You broke out in goosebumps as you swept the floors after class; heard footsteps behind you, only to find no one there.

You were sure you were going crazy. How else could you explain such a strange turn of events?

It was a mystery and one that only got worse over time.

One afternoon, you pulled a note from your shoe locker. You didn’t recognise the handwriting, though the message was all too clear: 

Meet me on the roof after school. 

Under ordinary circumstances, you might not have reacted in the way you did. Unfortunately, you hadn’t been sleeping and your reaction was one of fear. Someone wanted to fight you up there. It was the only explanation that made any sense to your nervous mind.

You spent the rest of the day trembling, worrying who you had angered enough to warrant such a threat. Had this person been stalking you the entire time, preparing for this moment?

You were so overtaken by your own nervous mind that you answered questions wrong in class. You were off your game during physical ed and even walked into doors. By the time the last bell sounded, it was like a funeral march.

You had spent the day deliberating the best plan of action. Should you confront the mystery person or avoid them? If you avoided them, would it only make things worse?

You hugged your books to your chest as you passed the stairwell, so focused on your shoes that you ended up walking straight into another passer by.

“S-s-sorry!” you cried out, jumping back, heat flooding your cheeks when you realised who you had crashed into. “Oh, Amajiki, I’m so sorry!”

Of course you’d crash into him now of all times, when you were terrified out of your wits. You’d fiddled with your hair and clothes so much that you looked more than a little scruffy, and you’d spent so long crying in the bathrooms and splashing your face that your professor had gone so far as to take you to one side and ask if you were sick.

Tamaki rubbed the spot on his chest where you’d crashed into him, taking in your bedraggled appearance.

“A-are you okay, (Name)?” he said, eyes wide with worry.

“I’m fine,” you said, though you didn’t believe it. “I’m... I’m...”

You’d had a crush on Tamaki ever since your first day at UA. Unfortunately, it seemed that every time you spoke to him, you ended up embarrassing yourself somehow and today was no exception.

Before you could stop yourself, your eyes blurred with tears; hours of nerves and sleepless nights catching up with you all at once.

“I’m fine,” you said, reaching up to wipe them off on your sleeve, “I’m okay, really.”

Tamaki looked like a deer in the headlights at the best of times, but now he looked lost at sea, stammering out noises and looking round the corridor for help, reaching out to touch your shoulder, though chickening out every time. 

“U-u-uh, (Name), w-what’s-”

“They’re going to fight me,” you wailed.

“Who? Who’s going to...”

You pullled the note out of your pocket and unfolded it for him to see, hands shaking from nerves as he read its contents.

“They want to see me on the roof,” you said. “I don’t know what I’ve done to upset them.”

“I-I’m sure that’s not it,” said Tamaki, “m-maybe they just want to...to...uh.”

He didn’t finish his sentence, instead blushing brightly.

“Will you come with me?” you sniffled. “I’m scared to go alone.”

"I-I’ll come with you,” he said. “I’ll s-sit with you until they get there.”

“You will?”

You would almost certainly be embarrassed about this later. Of all of the pretexts for being alone with your crush, you couldn’t have ever predicted this one. Not only were you going to be alone with him, you were going to be alone with him in floods of tears, terrified someone was going to throw you off the roof or worse.

You were still wiping away your tears as you climbed the stairs, Tamaki several steps in front. You were close enough to feel the heat radiating from his body. You could have reached for his hand if you wanted to, though none of that came to mind until much later. All you could think about was every time you had felt eyes burning on the back of your neck; every time you had heard footsteps behind you and found nobody there. You were too shy to go out of your way to antagonise people. You couldn’t fathom why someone would hold enough of a grudge to call you out like this.

You didn’t realise you’d been holding your breath until you reached the roof and gulped in the cool air. Tamaki held the door open for you, glancing around the roof as you stepped through.

“L-look,” he said with a smile, “there’s no one here.”

"They’re late,” you said in disbelief. “I never thought they’d be late.”

“Don’t worry about it,” said Tamaki, pointing towards a low wall. “C’mon, I have some snacks. Let’s, um, let’s wait here for them.”

You nodded and followed him to the wall, slowly seating yourself beside him.

“Here,” he said, holding out a pack of chips, “help yourself.”

You accepted his offer, peering out at the skyline as you chewed. Under ordinary circumstances, you would have been excited at the prospect of sitting with Tamaki like this, but right now you were too anxious to enjoy it.

“I’m sorry,” you said with a sigh. “You’ve probably got thousands of other things to do.”

“It’s no b-bother.”

Five minutes passed, then ten. Before you knew it, you’d been sitting there for half an hour with no sign of anyone else.

“I can’t believe they didn’t even show up,” you sniffled, getting up. “I’m so sorry... I’m...”

“I’m sure they d-didn’t want to fight you,” said Tamaki with a smile. “I don’t think anyone would want to fight you.”

“Maybe not,” you said, surprised at how disappointed you actually were. 

You had been afraid, that much was true, but you’d also hoped to find answers. Maybe you would find some clue to their identity; a reason for their actions over the past few months. Surely once you found out who they were, you wouldn’t need chamomile tea or whale music. You wouldn’t need to feel so nervous once you knew the reason why.

You didn’t know why you had expected it to be so straight forward.

“Thank you,” you said, turning to Tamaki with a smile, “for staying with me. I was really scared...and...”

“It’s no b-bother,” he said again, a dusting of pink across his cheeks. “I’ll wait here a little while... keep an eye out in case anyone comes.”

“You’re such a good friend, Amajiki,” you said, feeling more than a little bit sheepish. “I’ll... I’ll make you something delicious for dinner today!”

He nodded at that, watching as you sprinted across the roof and back out of the building, going over ingredients in your head. You’d observed him enough to know the kinds of foods he liked.

He leaned back in his seat as you disappeared from view, sighing as the evening breeze ruffled through his hair.

He squeezed his hands into fists, cursing his own anxiousness.

He knew exactly who had written the note; whose footsteps you kept hearing.

He knew it wasn’t a ghost or anything remotely malicious, just the actions of someone trying to find the nerve to confess. Someone who, much like you, had had a crush for most of their time at UA.

“Friends... huh.”