#Like how Stolas looks at Blitz to ask for permission before going

[blitzwhore]

For ship bingo: Stolas/ Better than Blitzo guy

-Artscapism

Thank you @artscapism!

They keep me up at night in the worst possible way 😭😂 this is entirely personal and not criticism of the show's writing or anything like that. I respect people's opinion that this needed to happen. This ship, and this trope in general, is just aggressively Not For Me

[thetantiger]

Wanna share with the class about your thoughts on Stolas and Blitz :D?

Oh my god yes I absolutely do thank you for asking.

So I'm going to start off by saying that this post is in favor of Stolas. I firmly believe that both of them are in the wrong, but Blitz is more in the wrong than Stolas and I am about to explain to you in detail why.

So let's start off by listing Stolas's wrongdoings because I feel like it'd be a flawed argument to just completely fucking gloss over them. Stolas has:

a. Repeatedly stepped over the line of Blitz's sexual boundaries even after Blitz asked him to stop. This happens in Murder Family over the phone while Blitz is being chased by Martha. I think it's worth pointing out that the show does not take this seriously until it's convenient for Blitz's character (Helluva has a bad pattern of male r*pe jokes [see: Moxxie]) but since it's an actual part of the plot now I'm acknowledging it as important and serious.

b. Talked down to Blitz patronizingly and embarrassed him and used his status, either intentionally or not, to get his way. This happens in Loo Loo Land (the entire episode), The Harvest Moon Festival (on stage) and, again, in Murder Family over the phone, talking about the deal of exchanging the grimoire for sex.

Now let's discuss the things that Stolas has done to help remedy these things. Do these things fix what he did? No. But it sure does help:

a. Communicated clearly with Blitz that he is no longer required to have sex with him to maintain his business (Full Moon)

b. Given Blitz a reliable way to maintain his business using the Asmodean crystal without any expectation of repayment (Full Moon)

c. Repeatedly acknowledged that he unintentionally used his place of privilege to put Blitz in this situation (Full Moon ["This.. transactional thing we have, it's- it's not right anymore, it hasn't been-.. It never was."] and specifically "When I See Him Tonight" ["And if he's only here as a prisoner, what kind of monster does that make me?"] and Apology Tour "All 2 U" ["What if it's all on me, for missing every sign and every glance and every turn?"])

d. Repeatedly reassured Blitz that he in fact does not look down on him as a person (Full Moon "I think so highly of you, Blitz.." and Apology Tour "I don't look down on you, Blitz, when have I ever-?!")

Now before I get into the arguments between them in Full Moon and Apology Tour I want to go ahead now and explore how Blitz enabled this relationship.

Blitz repeatedly re-expressed sexual interest in Stolas. This does not make Stolas sexually harassing him okay in any regard, this is not related to that--we'll get there. But he does:

a. respond to Stolas's assumption that Blitz was there for sex in The Circus by.. having sex with him in order to obtain property (THAT ISN'T HIS AND THAT HE DOESN'T ACTUALLY HAVE A RIGHT TO PRIOR TO THIS AGREEMENT)

b. make sexual comments and advances towards Stolas throughout the show (strings him along by bringing him to Ozzie's only to stalk M&M, offers to have sex with him as reward for saving him and the rest of IMP in Truth Seekers, etc)

Now, let's talk about their arguments.

Stolas clearly and concisely communicates his purpose, his intent, and his feelings for Blitz. Blitz first assumes this is a sex roleplay thing (which, for that being his initial reaction I'm actually not going to fault him) and then, when Stolas peacefully tries to disengage and leave the situation (because it's clear that Blitz at this point is not interested) Blitz pursues him through the house against his will, screams at him, verbally berates him and accuses him of not giving him a "FUCKING minute to think" (despite, again, pursuing him through the house and also not previously asking for it). He calls him names and offers to PHYSICALLY FIGHT HIM.

I don't understand how it can get clearer than this.

THEN, in the next episode, he:

a. appears at Stolas's house without permission and after being physically dismissed by him

b. remains at his property after Stolas tells him he "doesn't want to talk right now"

c. SEXUALLY HARASSES HIM by INSISTING he just "wants to be shown a good time" or "needs to realize how good an angry fuck would be right now" after being REPEATEDLY TOLD TO LEAVE and that Stolas DOES NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX RIGHT NOW ("As SHOCKING as it may seem, Blitz, I'm not in the mood to 'do sex' with you right now--in fact, I'm not even in the mood to 'do words' with you right now!" "Seeing you right now is hard!" "Get out! Right now!" "I'm uncomfortable with how you're speaking to me now!" "Stop it!")(so, on the sexual harassment front after this scene in Apology Tour, Stolas and Blitz are even).

d. SCREAMS AT HIM WHEN STOLAS DENIES HIM SEX (and also uses "gay" as a derogatory term in the process we love it here) TO THE POINT STOLAS HAS TO RETREAT INTO HIS HOUSE INSTEAD OF BLITZ, I DON'T KNOW, LEAVING THE PROPERTY LIKE HE ASKED HIM TO

At this point in the series, you cannot be serious to say that Stolas is more in the wrong than Blitz is. I see so much "bOtH sIdEs" bullshit or that Stolas is the complete villain here but right now for me it's 75% Blitz and 25% Stolas. I am a fucking Stolas apologist at this point with the braindead takes I've seen on here. Stolas says "I don't want you here, go home please!" at the party and then Blitz STILL DOES NOT ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT STOLAS ACTUALLY WANTS OR NEEDS IN THAT MOMENT AND REFUSES HIS REQUEST

"Stolas is just being painted as more sympathetic by the narrative because he's Vivziepop's favorite character" Okay are you drawing this conclusion from what's actually in the source material or are we just making shit up now.

"Blitz is just reacting this way because of his trauma/past/insert the name of any mental illness here" Okay neat. That's a reason. But not an excuse. It does NOT make his behavior "more right." This exact same argument can be made for Stolas and his sheltered upbringing as well as his previous abusive relationship and it just feel so fucking irrelevant to the conversation. We're talking about fault here. Not reasoning.

"But- but- but- but how else is Blitz supposed to react?! His dad was a piece of shit and everyone has always been horrible to him his entire li--" I am going to fucking hit you with my car.

[viktheviking1]

Blitz gets ready for a date

"You look fine!" Loona shouted. Blitz was scampering from one room to the next, tossing rejected clothes to the side. Loona followed close behind him, catching most of the discarded garments. The pile in her arms was growing at an alarming rate.

"Fine isn't good enough!" Blitz hopped towards the bathroom as he tried to put some skinny jeans on, "Do you know the last time I went on a real date? Not a set up date, a real date."

Loona rolled her eyes, "Like two weeks ago?"

"Wrong!" Blitz started shoveling his way through the cabinet under the sink, shoving Loona's large makeup stash to the side, trying to gain access to his own, "That was a booty call, and it didn't even work out! He had gonorrhea and refused to wear protection."

"I really didn't need to hear that." Loona said, as she watched Blitz try to get a good wing with eyeliner that had definitely expired.

"And she had a third n*pple. Which I was just going to make a joke about it and move on but then she asks me if I like it, saying that it was expensive. She gave herself a third n*pple on purpose!" He said, struggling to match the wing on the other side.

"Okay, I really didn't want to hear that." Loona couldn't wipe the image from her mind.

"Ahh! How did I not see that!? This shirt is stained, now I have to start over!" He shouted, crawling past her to get back to his pile of laundry, throwing the rejects again, "Point is, I haven't had a real, emotions-included date in years."

Loona caught the clothes he threw, "Wait . . . Emotions included? You can't be serious."

"As serious as that guy's case of gonorrhea!" He gave up on the laundry pile and began relooking through the pile in her arms.

"Stop bringing that up!" Loona gave up trying to catch any of the clothes, and watched as they landed on the TV, in the walkway, and in the kitchen sink, "And are you sure you're ready for that . . . ? I mean, just yesterday you were a mess over-"

"Over a case of beer, I know." He sighed, holding the last shirt from the pile, and sat on the couch, "Look sweetie, I met a nice guy online and we've been talking for weeks now. He has a kid too, he laughs at my jokes, we watch the same shows, and . . . I don't know, he gets me."

"That explains why you've been giggling like a school girl at your phone constantly. Wait, did you say weeks? And you haven't met up yet? Is he hiding something?" Loona sat down next to him, her weight sinking her side down, causing him to bounce.

"No, well he was, but he told me. And then there was some stuff with his ex. And you know, I had st- . . . stuff going on so.” He shrugged, “For a bit we thought we were just going to be friends but things just worked out." He paused, smiling, before catching himself and cleared his throat, "Anyway, I want to look nice, but everything is either dirty or not the vibe so uh . . ."

Loona just looked at him, surprised to see him giddy about a person other than her, then sighed, “Well, if you want you can raid my closet too."

His face lit up and his tail swished back and forth, "Really?"

“Yes, but you have to get permission before trying anything on. Because the moment you do, it'll rip holes in it and it will officially be your shirt."

“Cool!” He skittered away on all fours, and she was left unsure if he had actually heard her or not.

Want to know who the date is with? Find out here:

[doublejango]

SEXY ASK. You're clearly into Angel Dust (ahem, totally not poisonedspider, ahem). If you got to have one night with him, what would you do?

definitely not for @poisonedspider Blitz spins around in his chair, thinking about it.

"Honestly," he says after a moment, with a quiet little snort, "probably either give him emotional whiplash or make him lose all respect for me. Because we'd probably go back to one of our places all like, sexy and giggly and shit, you know? Teasing each other, making out, being playful...

"But look, I know myself. I fuckin'... I really love soft people? So once his clothes come off and he's given permission for me to touch him, all that fuckin' fur? It's a miracle if me an' Stolas can get through a night together without me like, freaking out and rubbing my face all over him, and kicking up and down alongside that lanky motherfucker so I can rub my whole body along his, cause I like the way the feathers feel. So.... yeah that, uh, that's proooobably going to happen to Angel? He looks so soft. I'd probably try to play it all cool at first, like..."

He mimes petting. "Oh, Angel, you're so soft, I like your fur, it's so nice... and..." More petting, more quickly. "I really like your fur... Aaaand then I'd be a lost cause and just have to like, pet all of his fur and rub against him and be a big fuckin' dork, because it's just like, it's, I don't know. A nice fuckin' feeling or something. So we'd go from sexy flirting to that, and then from there...

"Listen, don't ruin my like, cool image or anything here. But I like talking to my partners about what we're actually gonna do before we do it? So I'd ask him. Adult conversations, the uh, stuff of sexy fantasies, right?" Blitz looks down and fiddles with something on his desk, embarrassed. "If he said he's in the mood for some toys, I'd show him what I had in mind so we could pick together what looks good. If he's more in the mood for some romantic vanilla shit... I... can do that, too. Or... I can try. I don't... know how to--anyway.

"I really like topping. Domming. But that's not always somethin' you can just, uh, jump right into with someone, you know? Sometimes it takes a while for people to feel comfortable with offering their trust like that. So I wouldn't push for that.

"If all we get is one night together... guess I'd ask how he wants to get fucked, then spend the whole damn night trying to make sure it's the best he's ever gotten that way. But like, sincere-best. Not exaggerated porny best. I can't compete with that shit, with his job. I just... I'd want to leave him feeling great in the morning, you know? Like somebody.... Christ, fuck. Like he was heard, wanted, and like someone fucking cherished getting to spend that time with him. Being allowed to uh... be. With him. Like...

"You know what, I'm doing a whole lot of rambling here and it's waaaaay off topic for work, I'm just gonna--yep. Look at the time, gotta go!"

[trashcanfanfics]

Overlords (HH and HB) and Blitzo with an S/o that is constantly uncomfortable and stressed. only to discover that his S/o is a colossal entity, which is so huge that Lucifer threw him into another dimension so as not to destroy hell. Too specific? Yes, but it's fun to think about this scenario :)

Okay, I'm assuming you want the Hazbin overlords and Blitz because I don't remember any overlords in Helluva?? Unless you also meant Stolas and Stella, then I could make a separate thing for them

Hope you enjoy!! :)

Alastor:

*Whenever you would sit you would wince slightly and wiggle around until you felt comfortable enough

*Alastor noticed this and always asked if you were alright, you'd always answer that you were fine

*He'd also notice how you were constantly tense and looked uncomfortable

*He thought it was him and confronted you about it one day

*You had to explain that part of you wasn't in this dimension and it made you stressed and felt like you were always being stretched too far

*When he finds out WHY he is full of questions

*Do you look different when you're all put together? How big are you, really? Do you have more powers?

*Wants to know everything and anything

*If you decide to take him to this other dimension to see the full, real you, he's over the moon

*Wants to poke and prod but won't unless you give permission

*Just so curious

Blitz:

*Honestly doesn't notice your being uncomfy for the longest time but does see you stressed

*You cried over dropping a pencil once and he was so confused and worried

*Tries to talk to you about it and bugs you until you tell him

*When you explain it, you have to do so in very simple, careful ways (dumb it down)

*Once he gets it, he's still confused

*Why not just destroy Hell?

*Why do you bother with staying halfway here and halfway there? Just pick one?

*Don't get me wrong, he's happy you're here, even if a little bit, but he doesn't understand why you'd be partially here in the first place

*If you take him to see the full you, he'd be slightly weirded out but not repulsed

*Would get you comfy pillows and go with you to your dimension often to let you have a reprieve

*Totally not to gaze upon your glorious full body, though, not at all

Rosie:

*She's very observant so she knows that you're uncomfortable and stressed

*Constantly rubs your shoulders to relieve tension and gets you the softest pillows

*Tea constantly, to relax you

*You work up the courage to tell her the truth because otherwise she wouldn't ask

*When you explaain it, she's shocked

*A giant entity? That was too big for the endless expanse of Hell?

*Wants to see the real you but won't bother you about it if you don't want to go

*If you do take her, she finds her favorite expression of yours

*Your smile, relieved and comfortable

*Wants to go with you everytime you head back, she wants to see that smile again

Valentino:

*Assumed the uncomfy and stressed was just part of your personality

*He'd try everything to get you relaxed, though, from sex to vibrating beds

*He'd need the truth pretty quickly, or else he's not gonna wanna hang around anymore

*He won't put in effort and get no reward

*You tell him and he's confused

*You'd have to go over it a few times and answer any questions he had before he finally gets it

*"So does that mean you got a big-"

*If you take him to see all of you he immediately notices the difference in your posture

*He loves to see you this relaxed

*It kindaa makes him horny

*If you let him fuck you (or the other way around idk) like this, he'll swear it's the best sex he's had

Velvet:

*Just thinks you're squeamish and finds that fair because of the bloody mess she likes to make

*Would try everything to get you comfy and makes it her goal to see you totally relaxed

*It'd be a while before you tell her because she's too busy running around to find what makes you comfortable

*When she does learn the truth, she immediately begs to see your full form

*If you take her to see all of you, she is at a loss for words

*Your smile is easy, your shoulders aren't tense, you look to be breathing easier

*Would 100% be willing to stay with you in this dimension just to see you like this all the time

*She's already planning on where to build a house and how big to make everything

*Is a bit unnerved that she's literally a doll to you, but is fine with it

*Makes a joke about Toy Story and melts at the real, relaxed laugh you have

Vox:

*He already knows

*He's been attatched to the media, news, everything since he fell, so of course he knows

*Still makes sure you're as comfortable as possible in this dimension and tries get you to go back to your dimension often so you can recharge

*You do have to explain a few things though

*If you take him with you one time, he'll insist on coming everytime after

*It's the only time he feels he sees the true you

*Brags to everyone who would listen that he has the biggest, baddest s/o in two dimensions

*Takes lots of pics of your face in your real form because he wants to savor the look you have

*He looks at them when he misses you and his heart always beats a bit faster

[ambrial-blog]

When Striker drops down onto one Knee, after the rewards ceremony in front of everyone. Blitzo didn’t know what was going on, if this was some horrible prank, that is until his eyes locked upon Striker’s and realized the cowboy was dead serious. 

“Blitz, I know we’ve just met, but I can’t get you off my mind, darlin your all I think about, whatya say sugar cube would you do be the honor of becoming my mate?” Would you marry me and take my last name?” 

Blitzo stood their speechless, Stolas’s feathers ruffled, his eyes glowing bright red he was about to attack the ranch hand for even suggesting such absurdness. Wally Wakford had a difficult time restraining the prince as everyone anticipated the Boss Imp’s answer. 

  Moxie’s mouth opened and closed, this was the worst possible thing, that could ever happen to IMP. 

“Come on, come on, say no Blitz put that cowboy in his place!” Moxie growled Millie watched her husband a concerned look on her face. Everyone was on edge, the whole crowd shushed as Wally leaned on the microphone. 

“Your fucking with me right?” inquires Blitzo  “Is this part of your mind games?” 

“I- I’m flattered but I have esscort duties, to the prince- I- I- he looks down. 

“Damn your insufferable” 

Striker pulls out a gold and silver band. “it ain’t much darlin But its my mother’s ,she had it before she passed on, I’ve been keep’ in it for someone special I ain’t pulling the wool over your eyes sugar, I want you to have it” 

Wally placed the microphone between the two contestants as the crowd waited with baited breath. 

“You know Striker, you make it damn hard, to say no- I will”  Striker twirls Blitzo around lowering his hat, he shielded Blitzo from the many eyes, before kissing him senseless.  

“FUCK! MY LIFE! yells Moxie, as Striker takes the stage. Blitzo plops down beside Moxie and Millie. 

“You offered him more than just a job!”  

“Will Mox, if you were listening, he sprung it on me” 

“And you said yes” 

“I need a best man, Mox are you for it, or do I have to ask your wife?” 

Mox took a shuddering breath a nodded. “Mox lets get you cleaned up, you had a rough day.

“ I myself can’t believe I said yes, I put the whole company down the crapper for a pair of big eyes, boots and spurs, a voice like dark whiskey and a hellish horse?”

He listened, to Striker’s encore  song “Oh Blitzy,” Blitzo thought he heard Moxie shouting from the house

“Now that fucker steals my Millie’s song too!”  “Sugar, its alright, so long as Blitz is happy remember.  “I’ve never seen seen our Boss take to someone like he has taken to Striker”  “Though, that Cowboy, is a little too slippery for my taste if Blitzo wants to get married, lets support him”  Millie Says

“So long as he has to asks permission from Lord Mammon” grumbles Moxie remembering a Loo-Loo land poster of Blitzo’s silhouette.  

“That’s The spirit Moxie!”

In the glow of the spontaneous news, Blitz wanted to spend as much time with Bombproof as possible. The Boss imp rolls his eyes at the instant buzz of his phone. He was about to tell Stolas off when a dark voice from the past greets him. 

“Hello Blitz, how is my kitten doing? - It was Sebastian Michalis an old friend from his distant past.  The Butler had saved Blitzo from the rainy streets: Blitzo was mistaken as a small kitten: wearing a peculiar harlequin uniform.  He looked miserable in it.  Ciel Phantomhive had eventually warmed up to him. 

“Why are you calling?”  “I’m calling to lend my services on behalf of the Phantomhive name, “To get the chance to orchestrate your wedding, and to grill the groom”   “It will be one Hellvua Wedding”

 Striker has to swallow his pride and envy,  when he has to ask Lord Mammon for Blitzo’s hand in marriage: Fizzouali gives Striker the third degree. And Robo-Fizz wants to be a bridesmaid. 

Verosika is surprised to hear from Blitzo, as he makes amends with his ex,  she agrees to help him find the perfect wedding dress.

Between wedding crashers, sabotages a large, gothic  a Large towering, Gothic cake  exquisite food, decadent treats.  Beneath the flickering lanterns that lit the way and the stunning fireworks that exploded  across the night skies.

Lucifer gets in on the act, posing as a preacher.  while black-eyed children ran amuck.    

After the wedding, during the reception,  Alastor steals the first dance from Striker Angel Dust claims the second dance while plotting turf wars with Striker’s new bride.  Lord Mammon cuts in, dancing with Blitzo during the father/Daughter dance: now renamed father/Son dance.  Angel dust is busy snapping photos of the bride and groom.  while spiking the punch bowl.  Husk is happy to man, the liquor station. 

Eventually, Striker has enough Stealing the best man:  and challenges  Blitzo to a dance off Sebastian agrees to be Blitzo’s partner. through the pumping music; Sebastian makes Striker work for it. 

Verosika steps in for Moxie: hoping to switch, Striker out for Sebastian, as soon as she is finished spiking the punch. Sebastian twirls Blitz, as Striker copies him with Verosika.  Both Verosika and Blitzo spin, this time the butler hand is pressed into Veerosika’s waist and Striker is grinning down at Blitzo. 

Look for Hellvua Wedding (Coming soon)

[pride-moth]

If you were church, I'd get on my knees [Stolitz Week Day 4 - Wedding]

Ao3 Link

Event Info Link

The paparazzi are everywhere. They sit in the trees, in the windows of neighboring buildings, in the cars on the adjacent streets, some have even made their way onto the premises. They’ve been taking pictures of everything all morning. Of the seating area, the flower arrangements, the early guests, even the waiters. They’re prepared to fill the tabloids with the most scandalous wedding in hell. A Prince and an imp. The highest and the lowest. It’s gossip pages simply filling themselves.

They’re prepared for everything. Except for the ceremony not happening in the elaborately-staged venue. They will sit there for hours until dawn comes and there’s still nobody there, except the guests and waiters who have been roaming the place since the morning. “We’ve been duped,” someone will say eventually but nobody will have any idea what to do next.

Sometime in the afternoon, the real wedding congregation is happening in the I.M.P headquarters, with only a handful of people and a private wedding photographer. Everything is decorated in the crispiest shade of white they could find. It’s smaller and simpler than the fake venue they’ve coordinated, but it’s still stunning and gorgeous and perfect, and Stolas is slowly losing his mind in his little pre-room where Millie and Octavia are doing their best to keep him together. He picks at his white suit, wrings his hands and runs to the mirror every single minute to check himself.

“You need to calm down,” Via says, slightly exasperated considering Stolas hasn’t exactly been calm in hours, “Everything’s going to be fine.”

“What if it isn’t? What if the paparazzi come here? What if they find out? What if Blitz decides he doesn’t want to marry me after all?”

“Blitz is…” Millie says while fine-tuning her own hair, “Not gonna lie, I didn’t think he’d ever marry. Didn’t seem like the type. But he’s decided to marry you and that’s something, right. Plus, you’ve gotten married before, you know how it works.”

“That was so long ago, I scarcely remember.”

“The point is there’s no reason to be nervous, everything is going to run smoothly.” Millie gives him a hearty pat on the back.

“Weren’t you nervous when you and Moxxie married?”

“Oh, I wasn’t, Moxxie almost lost it, though. But do you know what I told him?”

“What?”

“That marriage isn’t that big a deal. We love each other before the big party and we’ll love each other after the big party, just with more tax benefits.”

“That’s not very romantic…” Via remarks from across the room.

“It’s true, though, isn’t it?” Millie shrugs. “You’re just having a big party to celebrate how much you love each other. And to get tax benefits.”

“Maybe.”

“So, don’t worry about it! Also, there’s no paparazzi, they’re still swarming the fake venue, Moxxie has CCTV on them.”

“Thank you, for organizing this whole thing, I just… Didn’t want to do this with the press present. It’s… I don’t know, it feels less special when everyone gets to watch, you know?”

“No problem, and now get out there and marry my boss!”

Stolas takes a deep breath and his daughter by his hand and walks out of the room.

He walks in with Blitz already waiting in bated breath, wearing a matching white suit that makes him look just obscenely handsome and when their eyes finally meet, it’s as though all worries fall off him in an instant. It’s going to be fine, Stolas thinks, maybe all of it is going to be fine. Forever.

“You look great,” he says shyly and takes both of Blitz’ hands.

“You are absolutely smoking hot,” Blitz responds. Stolas chuckles.

Next to them, Loona, their impromptu officiator, clears her throat to get their attention. “So, uhm, again, can someone explain to me why we’re doing this all proper and pseudo-Christian??”

“Because I like to spite the establishment which I’m marrying into. Also, Christian weddings have a very good aesthetic, we’ve been over this, now ask us for our vows, Loonie,” Blitz replies sharply.

“Okay, sure, uhm, vows please?”

Stolas breathes in deeply. “Blitz, when you came into my life, I never could have imagined standing here with you now. You were loud, abrasive, vulgar and… Well, you still are all of these things, but now I love you for it. Now I want to listen to talk about nothing and rant about your least favorite fruit all day. I want to hear your voice from morning to evening and I won’t tire of it. When I met you… I thought you would be nothing but a tiny speck on my night sky. Seen once, but quickly forgotten. But now I know you’re the brightest star of them all, always leading my way. I love you and I wish to always find my way to you.”

There is some sniffling in the room, though someone is probably also throwing up.

“Wow, okay. Dad, would you like to go next?” Loona says, then, her voice shaking just the tiniest bit.

Blitz looks around and takes a deep breath. “I’ve never been lucky with relationships before, they were… Yeah, they were all pretty terrible. And I didn’t even plan on having one with you for a long time, frankly. But… You know, sometimes you don’t really have a choice. You don’t want to fall in love with the weird bird prince. You just want to get his book and you have sex with him to do, but… It becomes more than that and that’s why we’re here now. Because I love you, even though it took me a long time to accept that. And I can’t wait to be married to you and rail you in the Hellton Hotel honeymoon suite.”

There’s an uncomfortable silence for a moment. A silent, disturbed “What?” comes from Octavia.

“What?! Do you think I’m not gonna fuck my husband harder than ever before in our wedding night? Fucking prudes.”

Loona clears her throat again. “So, uhm, right. Stolas, do you wish to take Blitz over here as your husband?”

“Yes, of course I do!”

“Great. Dad. Blitz. whatever. Do you wish to take Stolas here as your husband?”

“Hell yeah, let’s go!”

“Good, then blah blah something something by the power of whatever is going on here, I pronounce you two married. But please wait until after the party with whatever you two want to do to each other…”

“And…?” Blitz says.

“Oh, right, yeah. You may now kiss. As if you need my permission for that. ...Wait, we didn’t even do the thing with the rings yet!”

But they’re already kissing. And so they share this, their first kiss as husbands, it feels exactly the same as always in the best way possible. They’ve kissed before, hundreds upon thousands of times, and this time is no different, it’s an intuitive motion, a well-practiced one, carried out with pure trust and comfort.

And yet, it absolutely is different because that kiss now carries a promise. A promise for many, many years of more kisses, years of just them, together.

The party goes into the dead of night, people dancing and drinking all in celebration of their love, it’s an almost surreal concept. Octavia gets drunk for the first time and that’s a whole piece of work, but Loona is there for her, them being sisters now and all.

But in the Hellton Hotel honeymoon suite they’ve booked for the night, nothing much actually happens because they’re drunk and tired and exhausted, so all they do is cuddle up against each other in the gratuitous pink bed and fall asleep soundly, secure in the knowledge that there’s more than enough time for everything else during the rest of their lives.

The next day, the tabloids will be filled with only one picture, the one their own wedding photographer made, the one they actually want the world to see on their own terms. It shows them, in their matching white suits, Stolas with one hand on Blitz’ hips and a content smile on his face while Blitz has his tongue out and gives the camera the middle finger.