#Like get ouuuuuut

[chewysgummies]

Y'know, I may still love killbot 86. But if I were to post anything related to Killbot 86 himself, please do not tag it as WOY or anything that is related to it.

[rowesam]

Wincest followers in 2025 :((((((

[bearbirth]

Hiiii id LOVE some egg content/stories 🥺 hugeeee eggs getting stuck inside you? Desperate laying of one huge egg just to realise you’re full of 10 even bigger ones?

I love this idea!! How about a little dragon girl action so she’s laying some dragon eggs~!

“Oooh god…!”

The young dragon hadn’t been expecting to be gravid already. She slept with someone once and now her eggs are here. Her large belly contracts as she squats over her bed on hands and knees. The first egg is so large she’s been pushing it out for two hours. But finally it’s beginning to peek out. She roars as her tail lifts up to accommodate for the egg. It’s a large, rough and textured egg. The tip of it pushes out between her slit and the rest bulges behind it.

“No pleeeeease it’s too big!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!”

She begs to nonexistent ears as she bore down. The egg slowly forces its way out more and more.

“Heeeee Heeee… HooOooOOOOOOOOO OHHH ITS COMING OOOOOOUUUUUT!!”

The dragon screams as she grips the sheets. The large egg is splitting her open as she pushes.

“GET OUUUUUUT!! OHHH!!”

Suddenly the egg pops out onto the bed. It’s massive, much larger than any human baby or normal egg. What type of dragon had she mated with?!

“Ohhh god please there’s more?!”

She starts to push again as the next egg starts to make its way down just as slowly.

“UUUHHNNNN…! OHHHH ITS BIGGER…!! HOW CAN IT BE BIIIIIGGERRR! OOOOGGHHHHH!!”

It seems like she will be pushing for awhile longer. Her clutch is large, and she has to birth them all herself.

[gayleafpool]

i need 2 go to bed i was writing down au ideas in my notes and hallucinated the discird ___ is typing… thingy at the bottom of the screen and freaked out like WHOOOO tf is typing at me in my notes..who is reading this get ouuuuuut

[yzafre]

What are some of your favorite character relationships/dynamics in TMNT, and why? Is there anything that you particularly like seeing explored with them in fan works (art, writing, comics, etc)?

Ooooh, great question!

Well, so far the shows I've watched are Rise, '12, and '03.

With '03, I think it was the first time I really got why the Leo-Raph dynamic was such a big deal in the fandom, in the way people talk about it. The City at War arc, man... not to mention Raph's unique perspective/understanding whenever Leo goes off the rails at different points... They don't understand each other while also fundamentally understanding each other. It's fascinating. Best Leader-Lancer relationship of the shows I've watched so far.

This is much less serious, but also in '03 the Mikey-Donnie relationship got me from very early on. That scene when they're setting up the lair, and Mikey comes to bother Donnie all "hey, hey, hear me ouuuuuut". And you just. You can just tell that he's done this for years, and that Donnie loves and hates it in equal measure. I was immediately charmed.

Also Leo and Usagi. I don't really care whether their friends or a ship, they're just fun. They genuinely just get each other, and enjoy each other's presence, and also hold a lot of the same values which is. Wonderful for Leo! I love watching characters who just obviously enjoy each others' presence.

As a more vague concept, I love how well '03 did at giving the turtles, like. Friends. Made them feel like they developed a real support network. Leo and Usagi, as mentioned. But also, like... Raph and that old lady (who I'm sorry he didn't interact with more). Donnie and the Professor. Mikey and the Justice Force! I like when they find people who actually click with a part of themselves their brothers can't, and I like the way it makes the world feel... bigger. More real.

In Rise I really enjoy the dynamics Mikey has with both Donnie and Leo (and am sad we never got episodes exploring what was going on with him and Raph!). Repo Mantis and You Got Served come immediately to mind. It's like - the Rise brother's are extremely Creatures of Chaos, but now Donnie and Leo have to also be Older Brothers, along with that. It's very fun.

Also! Splinter and April. I actually liked them a lot in '03, too - but the sense of camaraderie in Rise is a bit different. Their shenanigans in Shadow of Evil. Their entire episode together in Always Be Brownies! Like... Splinter is in many ways depicted as closer to April than to his sons, which is. Sad. But also fascinating! And they're genuinely fun to watch.

Now, I like fan-works for all of them, but I like seeing it most for '12, because, well. I'm on-record saying the writing of the show itself didn't do much for me on the character front. It was far more interested in its plot over it's character arcs/dynamics, which is okay, just...

They set up such! Interesting stuff!! And didn't do anything with it!!! '12 was constantly dropping dialogue lines or conflicts that modern cartoons have trained me to believe would get resolved later down the line. And then they don't. But if you start sort of. Jig-saw puzzling the bits they gave us...

Leo needs them to just listen to him, he's trying his best, but also internalizes everything way too much where sometimes things really just. Aren't problems he should be taking on himself. Raph genuinely needs everyone to be a bit more compassionate and patient with him when he's trying, and also has some bad habits and coping mechanisms. Donnie needs some fucking appreciation for carrying the team on the tech front, and also has. Well. The April thing. Mikey needs his brothers to listen to him and be a bit less condescending, and also needs to be more self-aware of the impact he has other people and learn to take up some responsibility.

And they all love each other. And they all struggle to understand each other. And the show didn't actually write any of it, leaving all these random hooks lying on the floor, mostly using it for jokes, and I love fan-works for properly exploring it.

This wasn't supposed to be a '12 rant. Where was I? Right, character relationships I enjoy. Genuinely, I find something to enjoy in every pair, but these are the ones that jumped to mind most immediately. It went longer than I planned, but character arcs/relationships are kind of my happy place in stories, so it was fun to talk about.

Thanks for asking!

[thelasagnacat]

@evildilf2 my amazing oomf tagged me in a "shuffle your music 10 times" so i went ahead and made a spotify playlist where i just complied most of the albums/misc songs i listen to. (BECAUSE spotify doesnt allow you to shuffle all your music). adding commentary to whatever song i get.

okay i tag anyone in spirit who follows me and wants to do this, but i especially tag @kmker i know she has 100000 songs in her library

1. Predator by Nick Lutsko

this is nick at his peak and his favorite song of mine IMO, it's a lot different than most of his newer stuff probably cause it's one of his oldest albums.. you can tell his influence very clearly in his older stuff (this song being primus from what i have heard). also this was my top song of 2024 which says A LOT

2. I Came As a Rat by Modest Mouse

this one is sooo relaxing to me despite isaac's loud ass vocals at the beginning.. its sooooo good to listen to while on a drive at night, (which is true for most of the stuff on this album)

3. Video Games by The Young Professionals

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 real ones will know why this is here... i cannot believe i got this one i havent listened to it in A WHILE.. i do prefer it over the lana version though

4. Me and Mr Wolf by The Real Tuesday Weld

Oh my god i was hoping this would show up, i love this song LOL its SO fun to listen to!! and i love both of the lead singers' voices so much, it's like a storybook. i do need to listen to more of this band's stuff though because i do feel bad only knowing their most popular song. but its so good IDGAF

5. Running On A Treadmill by Oingo Boingo

okay so i remember when i was deep into my oingo boingo phase, i considered this to be my FAVORITE song of theirs. even though listening now it's a bit boring compared to their other songs on their discography, i think i just picked this one cause i dont think anyone else had this as their fav OB song LOL.. its still good i think but i like Grey Matter better personally now

6. Sweet Bod by Lemon Demon

i swear this sounded so much better like 7 or 8 years ago when i first heard it, WELL i mean its alright, i just think that most of the substance from this song comes from the fact it has SUCH A ODD SUBJECT MATTER i dont think anyone else would write this but neil (in this specific upbeat way atleast). there are definitely better spirit phone songs though LOL

7. Tastes Like Metal by Man Man

ok i cheated i skipped through one really random video game OST to get this on... mostly because i could not say ANYTHING about that song, but this one i can. i love this one dearly even though it definitely has a more "accessible" sound compared to literally anything else by man man. i also really dig the music video for this one, it doesn't fit it AT ALL which makes it so great. Probabllllyyy my favorite song on this release

8. Alejandro by Lady Gaga

like the total drama character hahahhehaha. that's all i can think of when i listen to this. also i like the nightcore version of this better

9. LUVORATORRRRRY! by Reol

dude....... i remember listening to the original version of this SO MUCH when i was younger.. it has a special place in my heart, even though now it's very obnoxious sounding and it'll hurt your ears if it's too loud but IDGAFFFFF

10. Power & Control by MARINA (and the diamonds)

MARINA get ouuuuuut who caaares this song isnt that good lol but ITS FINE...

this was so fun thanks for the tag oomf

[nitrozem]

Val: I feel so much better now!

*lights flicker*

Tony: Val, did you destroy something electric over there!?

Val: What? No, I would of been burnt to a crisp like last time!

GET OUUUUUUT GET OUUUUUT~

Terry: W-what was that??

Tony: You gotta be shittin' me! Ghosts!?

Val: Oh...I wonder if they're mad because I dug up a funny looking bone last week?

Tony: WOULD IT HAPPEN TO BE A HUMAN BONE, VALLEY!?

Val: I dunno! I didn't pay attention in biology class!

[sm2k99]

actually another really funny headcanon I like is miguel not liking ants. he says he's not scared of them but he sees one in his apartment and is like GET OUUUUUUT IT'S GONNA KILL ME

[potatoqueenpal]

SOMEBODY GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS HELLHOLE I FEEL LIKE MY SKIN IS CRAWLING AWAY FROM MY MUSCLE TISUE. IM GOING TO RIP MY EARS OFF AND THROW THEM INTO A PIT OF ACID. IM GOING TO TEAR OUT MY EYEBALLS AND DROWN THEM IN HAND SENITIZER. GET. ME. OUUUUUUT.

[madaboutmunson]

Hell Raiser - Part 4

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 |

Links to the song Eddie is singing if you wish to listen along 🙂

Spotify 

YouTube Music

YouTube Video (put your shades on to watch this. It’s Glam Rock)

Apple Music

Deezer

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

LOOK OUUUUUUT!

As Steve rushed into the tent, he felt like he charged headlong into an invisible wall, something stopping him in his tracks. He put his hands out in the dimly red-lit room to apologise to whoever or whatever he had bumped into, but his hand met air. 

He stood there confused for a second or two. Robin, that's why I'm back in here, and he tried to step forward again. This time it felt like he was being pulled back, he turned around to swat at the culprit, but there was no one. The crowd in the tent started surging towards the stage, and Steve attempted to fight his way through to get to Robin, who he could just make out the light from her light-up bracelet. She'd brought them matching ones earlier. Steve's head became full of the music blasting out of the speakers. He swore it wasn't this loud earlier. The floor vibrated so intensely that he felt it travelling up his legs. 

Mama let me out on a Saturday night, she said now

Go out and get her go and hold her tight

Steve's head snapped towards the stage. On it was a wiry-looking guy. Long dark shaggy hair, dressed in that layered rocker-type style that Steve didn't necessarily understand, but at that moment, he appreciated, for the first time, that maybe some people could pull it off and make it look good. He wondered if that guy was the source of the screaming. Steve shakes his head. Robin. Find Robin. Make sure she's ok, just in case.

The crowd surged again, but this time, Steve, despite his height and strength, got swept up by them. For a moment, his feet were no longer touching the floor, and they unceremoniously dumped him on his ass on the ground. Steve leapt to his feet and tried to fight his way back, but the crowd didn't budge. It was like they were one organism or something. They pushed him back no matter what gap he spotted to try and squeeze through.

I said now Mama, you don't understand

Every time I touch her hand

Steve heard being sung out right behind him, and he spun around and locked eyes with the wild man on stage, who currently had his hand outstretched directly in front of Steve's face making him go a little cross-eyed. 

Big dark eyes bore into his own.

Steve no longer wanted to find Robin. He didn't want to move. No, that was wrong. He couldn't move, his feet felt like they'd taken root into the floor, and Steve couldn't take his eyes off the lively performance on stage.

It's like I'm burning in the fires of hell

And if I hold her too long

You never can tell what will happen to me

I wouldn't want you to see

The guy leant back, almost like he'd bent himself in half, as he screamed another "Look out!" And Steve's dazzled brain put the pieces together. It was him. Everything's fine. I'm fine. Robin's fine, he told himself over and over. He felt unusual. All his insides felt out of place. His outside felt no less weird like a fuzziness or static was building around him. He checked and quickly pushed back his sleeve to see that, indeed, the hairs on his arms were standing on end. He felt jostled but realised no one was touching him. He looked down at his body, and unbelievably, he was dancing.

She's a hell raiser, star chaser, trail blazer

Natural born raver, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

She's a hell raiser, star chaser, trail blazer

Natural born raver, yeah, yeah, yeah

Look out!

The man on stage banged his head like Steve had seen on some of those live concert videos (when he'd been checking the tapes at the store) as he sang with everything he's got. The pulsing vein crawling up the side of his neck got highlighted when he threw his head back, and the lights hit it just right, and Steve reached for his own and found a thin film of perspiration. He supposed it was warm in here, surrounded by all these people who were still engrossed in the performer who didn't leave an inch of the stage unused. Occasionally air guitaring where there were no words to sing, thrusting his hips and beckoning the crowd closer, drawing them in. And it worked. He called for them. Lured them in. They moved closer as he curled his fingers at them. To Steve, they seemed to dance in unison, like how seaweed moves underwater. He wondered if they would all flop to the ground when the song was over like the water plant when their version of the tide disappeared.

The artiste stood on the very edge of the stage right above him, towering over him like a titan, and he outstretched his upturned hand above their heads like he was holding some invisible power source.

Hell Raiser

His hand raised a little more towards the tent canopy above.

Hell Raiser

Higher, his hand raised whilst he Intensely stared at the floor and then at the crowd like he was summoning something. Steve wondered if, like the lyrics said, he was indeed trying to raise hell itself. That perhaps should have worried Steve more than it did, but despite knowing they could be in danger, for the first time in years, Steve didn't give a damn.

Hell Raiser

He raised his tense hand higher again, but this time something peeled Steve’s eyes away. The smoke on stage that had been like a thin rug covering was now almost a foot thick and spilling out over the crowd, like a rolling fog that disappeared as soon as it was too far away from the man on stage. Like it was an extension of himself.

Hell Raiser

His hand was above his head now. His voice was louder and more urgent. The lights seemed to pulse in and out like they were breathing fast and hard. Steve felt the electricity saturate the air.

Hell Raiserrrrr!!

The singer screamed out as he punched his now-clenched fist to the floor beneath him and dropped to his knees directly in front of Steve. Simultaneously, a white-hot bolt of lightning struck the stage.

For the second time, their eyes locked, they looked ablaze, and Steve's brain wiped. Everything slowed down for a second like there was no one else in the whole place apart from one another, and Steve felt nervous with the man's eyes gorging on all the secrets of his soul. He gulped, and the spell broke. The singer sprung to his feet from his knees in a jump and took off again around the stage for the remainder of the song. Steve gasped for a breath. He didn't realise he was holding and wondered if anyone saw them, but no one was looking at him, thankfully. He looked to the canvas roof to avoid looking at the singer again, and it appeared to be undulating, like something was creeping between the fabric layers, scuttling along, maybe. Then Steve felt that pull again. His eyes were drawn to the stage, and he noticed how underneath the platform appeared to glow a vibrant red. Pulsating.

Steve didn't know much about stage lighting or effects, but he couldn't seem to marry up this dusty old tent with the technologies that appeared to be at play but were nowhere to be seen. Then as the song ended, the singer threw the mic to the ground with fury, a scowl on his face a million miles away from the expressions he was just performing for the crowd with, and stomped into the darkness. Steve feels a jolt, almost like he'd been stuck to the ground with magnets and they had just been switched off, and he's finally free to move again.

He decided to check in on Robin, but when he finally pushed through the crowd and glanced over, he could see she was still very much entranced by the woman next to her. Steve smiled and decided it was time to head home. Maybe, stop worrying so much, Robin could take care of herself. He spun his car keys around his fingers and started walking towards the parking lot. 

Steve wondered who the singer was. He looked familiar, but Hawkins wasn't that big. He must have seen him in passing before. Maybe he was in a band or something. Perhaps he was a really famous artist in town for the night and decided to grace this tiny local carnival with a performance he usually saved for sold-out stadiums. That quirks the corner of Steve's mouth up. 

Ridiculous. He shook his head. 

But just to be sure, he'd ask Robin tomorrow if she knew who he was, and then he'd be sure to get front-row tickets at his next show. 

Steve stopped walking and frowned. Was he a fan? Was this what Robin always talked about, how music makes her feel…moved? Steve liked music. He liked it to fill the background so there were no true silences. He liked it for dancing at parties because it was something fun to do, and sometimes he'd sing along to ones he heard often. Learning the words by osmosis or something. But Steve had never felt that magical thing that made people look a certain way in the eyes when they described their favourite song. Well, not until tonight, at least. When he thinks of the song, his insides flip, and it's not entirely unpleasant, but it is strange.

He finally got to the car and shut the door. He paused again, confused by his own actions. Wasn't he hoping to find a love match tonight? Surely he needed to go back to the tent and wait it out, but something had told him to get in his car. He laughed, shook his head at the absurdity of all of this, and put his hand on the door handle to open it again but received a static shock. 

"Fucking, Ow! Jesus!" He exclaimed to no one as he rubbed his hand.

Something is urging him home. Steve remembered other times his gut reactions had been right, at the Byers' house, in the tunnels, in the underground base. So he put the keys in the ignition and followed his intuition.

Nothing struck him as a sign as he slowly crawled the car out of the carnival, making sure not to miss a single detail, nothing jumped out at him, as anything weirder than the tent itself, but everything was telling him not to go back there. Like he was being pulled by invisible puppet strings. Another thing that hadn't jumped out at him was this supposed love match. This may be the point where Robin and Steve's twinned path would finally split. He’d be more jealous, but it was Robin, and he just smiled fondly out at the dark road in front of him.

Something glinted in the darkness in the trees to his right, and just in time, Steve slammed on the brakes, and as he got thrust back into his chair by his seatbelt, something struck the car. He thought he had hit something for a second, but as the shock faded from him, he saw two fists pounding on the hood. Then, as they moved back into darkness, the person they were attached to comes into view via the car’s headlights.

The guy that had been singing on stage.

Steve quickly unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car.

“Hey! HEY! Are you ok, man?” Steve called out to him, but he’s already stomped away, grumbling to himself. Steve jogged after him and put his hand out to pull him back, “Dude, Are you ok? I almost hit you with my car! Look, you're hand is bleeding. Do you need a ride?” “Get your fucking hands off me, man!” The singer shoved him away roughly, but Steve could see plainly he was shaking and looked like he had been crying, “I’m fine! Don’t need you. Don't need anyone.”

Steve almost laughed. “You’re obviously not ok. It's not a problem. I can take you back to the carnival, or home or just to somewhere that isn’t these creepy fucking woods.” Steve looked around, and they did seem horror-movie-level creepy, “Come on. It’s not safe out here on your own.”

The man rounded on him, “I’m not getting in a random man’s car in the middle of a road in the dark. Do you think I’m an idiot? I’ve read all about freaks like you, man. I’m not like you, OK?! No matter what fucking Donna says!” he turned and trudged into the tree line.

“Wait, Wait. You know Donna? I know her too. Is she your friend? I can take you to her. She’s…er…friends with my friend.” Steve was determined for this not to go down this way. The man stopped in his tracks, turned on his heel, rolled up his sleeves and started walking back toward Steve.

“Oh, you've been having a nice little chit-chat with our mutual friend Donna, have you?” He seethed angrily through his teeth as he brought his fists up. Steve immediately put his hands up in a submissive gesture. He wanted to help this guy but didn't want another head injury to add to his list for the sake of it.

“Look, forget Donna, ok, I just….” Steve locked eyes with him again. In the moonlight, he could see his eyes were swollen, his body was tensed, and he was shaking with anger. He looked a million miles from the man on stage, “You know what, never mind. I’m sorry. I just thought…”

“Well, you thought wrong, asshole! So go find your next target someplace else, huh creep?” He barked back at him before he could even try to explain. Steve pinched the bridge of his nose, closed his eyes for a second and walked away. It was all crazy. The whole night. This guy. Steve didn't need this shit. He offered him help. He didn't want it. He’d be fine. Steve dropped back into the driver's seat, started up the car again, and began driving home. Fuck this.

Steve must have gotten not even five minutes down the road when the churning started in his stomach. This was so stupid. He sighed and turned the car around. If the guy didn't want his help, Steve could at least go and tell the cops at the carnival that he was wandering around the woods on his own. He’d lie, tell them it looked suspicious, and they’d haul him in.

As the headlights of the BMW straighten up on the road, something stops in the middle of it. It looked like it might be a deer or something. Steve beeped the horn to get it to move along, but it seemed preoccupied with sniffing the air. So he tried again, and this time it did move to the tree line, and Steve slowly drove past as to not frighten it any more than he already had, but as he went to take a glance at the majestic creature in the night, his stomach plummeted, as it raised its head to the sky and its face split open emitting a noise that Steve had hoped to never hear again and went galloping into the trees.

Steve bootlegger's turned his car in the road and raced off into the trees after it.

[jinleebelee]

Soapp? Who is this.. soap. I dont know who is this soap. Ohh so this... soap. They know where you're ticklish hm? That's great and all but I'd prefer to get it from the source instead. Sooo.. tell me~ where are you're tickle spots hmm? Are they on your lowerbody? Or upperbody?~

Alright you ain't soap keep spelling thr damn name qrong but again I ain't saying jack shit. Come on ya know me at this point I don't give that shit ouuuuuut to noooboooodyyyyyy- Nico nice acting but I know this is definitely you- I hope- for the sake of getting right as I hope-. Trying to extra explain myself if ya know what I mean just incase I'm wrong and it's on Nicos pales trying to get me- if it issss then I gotttaaa let ya know forth hand SFW only no butts no if. Ya can like what ya like buuuut when it comes to me only sfw- I'm cool with talking just not the uh booby stuff- sorry if I sound rude- in explaining myself in that part I might be overthrowing this ok yeah I'm iverthink8nz

[flambeaufelid]

"Lol, like, hear me ouuuuuut..." (brings up picture of Nala or Bowser or some other basic shit)

"OMG. NO waaaay!"

"YES way! I mean, not like, for REAL, but you know. If they were human or whatever."

Die. Die die die DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE. FUCK YOU.

^(Hyperbole, of course, but boy does it get me steamed.)^

Smash or Pass is a social game. It is about... something, presumably. I think showing off how closely you can ride the line of creepiness  without being creepy or boring. Where being creepy is "wanting to fuck something weird" and being boring is "not wanting to fuck anything weird".

As an autist, you might understand how a game that features this sort of contradiction might not be particularly fun for me.

But it's worse than that- because I really like talking about sex stuff! And obviously you need to make an effort to respect people's boundaries, but if they agree to play a game like this, then my expectation is that those boundaries are coming down a little bit.

And yet, with so many people... it's clear they're just lying. They would not fuck Nala, even if she were real and could talk and was sentient and an adult and consented and it was legal.

Meanwhile, I roll up like "if these conditions are met, I will fuck literally almost anything, and I mean it." and... that's also boring, really. It means there's no game to be played. You can't scandalize me.

Smash or Pass becoming a trend should have been a happy moment for me, but it just didn't work out. Glad the rest of you are having fun I guess. :/

[weaksspot]

hiiiii for your ask game, i'm curious about 8, 9, and 13! 🥰🥰 (@incesthemes)

ohhh nice ones thank you :D

8. How slow is a slow burn?

HMM... varies a lot for me because i tend not to read or write much longfic, and i like slow burns to be SLOW. i also roleplay and my current main one is half a million words long and the characters still aren't together 😭 not that a slow burn needs to be THAT slow but, yknow. i want it SLOW. over 50k, let's say, and i want that shit dragged ouuuuuut. like i want to be clawing at my face tearing my hair out with how badly i want them to get together before they so much as kiss.

9. Thoughts on cliffhangers.

i don't mind a cliffhanger! if it suits the fic and it's done well, i love an ambiguous ending. but i do feel like sometimes a cliffhanger is just there because the author couldn't figure out what to do, lmfao, and that can end up feeling like a cop out.

13. Rate your worldbuilding skills from 1 to 10.

oh dude, like a five maybe. i really enjoy worldbuilding, but it's not my strong suit :')

[rarethoughts]

I can’t wait to get the fuck OUUUUUUT of here.

So incredibly tired of feeling like this.

[searchupthisblog]

I hate reading my old messages because sometimes I realize how much my historical self hatred has sabotaged me. From seeing anger in my best friend that isn't there, to thinking the girl I liked was disgusted by me as she sent me such sweet supportive messages. I wish I could see things clearly, it scares me how much I push people away because of the way I feel about myself. It scares me because I never even realize I'm doing it, until I've burned everything to the ground. I don't feel in control of the running away, I just run. I'm so scared they'll see me how I see myself. I guess I should talk to my therapist about this. I had my first session last week, I have a feeling I'm going to be too much for her, but she's very nice, and I'm proud of myself for taking the first step. Why can't I just allow people to be inconvenienced by me, to allow them to be upset? I'm so terrified of people rejecting me I see hatred that isn't there. But on the flipside, I think I'm so used to being hated that I feel like of course I see it when it isn't there. People have been so kind to me over the last few years, and no matter how good people are to me, I can't get it out of my head that they're just waiting to hurt me like people did in the past. I keep telling myself they aren't the same people, but I keep feeling the dread and distrust. I think, on some level, it's because I believe I deserve it. On some level, when people treated me like a freak, I agreed. I keep asking myself why I can't just embrace that? I respect my friends who say FUCK YOU to everyone and just do what they want, but that feels completely inaccessible to me. I feel so trapped inside myself, I can't even explain it. I feel like my own cage, but I have no idea where the key is, or even what it is.

What can I do to stop this feeling? Am I going to feel trapped like this for the rest of my life? I do wonder if this has to do with being trans, but that scares me. I don't understand my own identity, the idea of coming out makes me want to rip my hair out. I hate that, I don't want to let anyone in, that's disgusting I hate that, get out, get ouuuuuut. You're just going to hate everything in here and spray paint my walls. And yet, I think about how the moments I connect with most are ones like when Luz from the Owl House finally understands that all she really wants is to be *understood* I connect with every misunderstood creature I cried at Creature's part of the book while reading Frankenstein My entire life has felt like people telling me to shut the fuck up, so now, that people are willing to listen, I don't have the words, and I just cry. I want to be understood, I want to be understood, but being honest with people feels like pulling a sword out of my chest to mend the wound. It wont bleed too much as long as I leave the blade, but it also wont heal. I'm in so much pain I can't even express it. It's always been like that, but now, it feels like I can't go on like this. Am I really willing to die like this? Simply because I don't want to feel the sword move? I want to scream I am confused I want my body to feel like my body I want my name to feel like my name I want to understand why I feel this way

I want to feel like a person

[yuukei-yikes]

sometimes the only way to fix being codependent is having your girlfriend break up with you and then getting emotionally attached to her brother who hates you but is also making you come to terms with bisexuality and then uh oh now youre codependent on someone else (<- is insane about kanoshin)

NO LIKE LITERALLY U DONT UNDERSTAND when shintaro's relationships with the quartet fall apart for good its when he accepts kano/wanting to be with him. AUUGGHH bc i think they start their sick thing when shintaro and ayano break up and its all twisted and probably the worst dynamic theyve had yet but it also involves kissing on the mouth maybes and it freaks him out so much he goes to takane like CAN WE KISS A LITTLE SO I FEEL NORMAL AGAIN👍 and takane's like GET OUUUUUUT‼️‼️‼️‼️ like. its so funny. when he finishes fucking up with haruka&takane and he's all alone and also been told by literally everyone YOU NEED TO FUCKING MAKE A CHANGE AND ACCEPT THINGS AS THEY ARE. maybe one of those things is kissing kano but this time he does it just so done with himself and its not the same and he's being different and kano sees he's being different and theyre suddenly healing, together. like do you get me. DO YOU G