#Like I feel like the protagonist in a coming of age movie

[decaying-vampire]

warning: if you are currently experiencing female hysteria, do NOT look at handsome men on Pinterest, and do NOT listen to mitski. It will just make it worse

[shellshocklove]

brat three: i don't wanna feel feelings | joel miller

pairing/AU: joel miller x brat!female!reader – no outbreak

summary: joel’s brat summer is coming to an end.

warnings: this is an 18+ fic so mdni! age gap, enemies to lovers vibes? swearing, drinking of alcohol, smoking, reader wears a dress, heels and makeup but otherwise no other descriptions, use of pet names, some angst, smut, brat tamer!joel, dom!joel, some daddy!joel, manhandling, some light bondage, degradation (whore, slut), oral sex (f+m receiving), multiple orgasms, creampie, unprotected sex (don’t do it!!), no use of y/n

a/n: ok so here's part three to brat! there's one more part planned, and then that's it! <3 big thank you to @dustydaddyyy for reading through this, i love you!! <333 happy reading! 💚

main masterlist / series masterlist / ao3

from the river to the sea, palestine will be free 🇵🇸 this account stands with palestine. the creator of tlou is a zionist, and the second game is largly based on israel/palestine. please, everyone who interacts, educate yourself about the genocide happening right now, and support/donate.

The gravel moaned under your heels as you carefully left your uber at the foot of the driveway. The air smelled of summer; flower-y notes with a hint of anticipation. Cars lined the driveway, tightly parked with the wheels almost hanging in the air over the ditch. The sky turned purple then pink as the sun started to dip beneath the horizon, the small beams of light coming through the doors of the big barn beamed brighter and brighter the closer you got.

This wasn’t the first time you’d crashed a party, but it was your first wedding. You’d looked up the place online, Pecan Grove Ranch. It was nice, but pedestrian, not filled with the extravagance a party of this size would rank up in your father’s circles – the ones you’d been dragged too ever since you were old enough to put on a charming smile. This felt real, no fake happy smiles and secret codes, just people gathering to celebrate love.

Love.

It had always been a thing that happened to other people. To your friends, to the protagonist in a movie, to the person on the other side of your kiss. They always thought they were in love with you, but love always felt like a joke everyone was in on except for you, a story told to sell movie tickets or for a song to hit number one.

Sex was different, sex you understood. It was like acting, and you had no problem slipping into the role. It was fun, it was a release, it was a fleeting connection you couldn’t help but chase.

One you were chasing right now.

Maybe Joel was right, maybe you are desperate, but it was his fault for leaving you like that, right on edge but without the release. Honestly, it was his fault you were here, you thought as you stood outside the open barn doors.

Off to the side a few of the guests had gathered around a picnic table. Billowing white smoke clouded them as you watched their animated conversation between drags of their cigarettes and sips of their drinks. A small boy ran past you, almost crashing into you as a little girl chased after him with a giggling laugh. They chased each other on the grass, as they ran between the large trees where a million lighting bugs danced between them.

The air felt light like cotton candy, a sweetness of celebrated love coated the faces that emerged as you stepped inside. The picking guitar intro of TLC’s ‘No Scrubs’ met you at the door, followed by a large cheer, bordering on collective scream, coming from the people on the dance floor. Walking slowly, you followed the back wall of the barn. A light breeze came through the open doors and windows, and tugged at your dress as you closed in on the bar. 

Open bar… Nice, Tommy. 

Most of the guest had their assigned seats at the round tables pressed up against the wooden walls of the barn. They must’ve been moved to make room for the dancefloor, you thought as you leaned up against the side of the bar. It was rustic, made entirely of untreated wood and decorated with large white bows. The bartender was around your age, handsome, and painfully bored it seemed by the way he lit up when you approached.

“What can I getcha?” he asked, a charming lilt to his voice.

“Um…” your teeth caught on your bottom lip, as you scanned the drinks menu. They all had quirky names, most likely inside jokes or references to the wedding couple that mostly went over your head.

“One ‘Contractor Juice’, please?” you ordered, holding back from cringing at the name. At least you got this reference, and the promise of mint and citrus mixed with alcohol had never failed you before.

“Sure thing, doll,” the bartender smiled, a little too sweet for your liking, or maybe you’d developed a preference for grumpy frowns.

“So… bride or groom?” he asked, making conversation as he worked.

“Um… groom,” you told him, leaning your back against the bar as your eyes rolled over the tables, searching.

“Ain’t seen you up here yet,” he said, a question unsaid hanging in the air as he handed you your drink.

Turning around, you thanked him and slipped a five-dollar bill in the tip jar. “There,” you said, “Now you can turn off the charm.”

You watched how he tried to hide his smile, as he held up his hands in a surrender, “Who’s to say I can turn it off?”

He smiled when you rolled your eyes at him. It was cute, two dimples separated by perfect white teeth. At the start of the summer, you might’ve let him fuck you at the end of the night, but the summer was coming to a close, and you had your eyes set on someone else.

He had his back turned, but you knew it was him, you’d recognize those broad shoulders anywhere. Something bubbled under your skin then, and your hands felt clammy around your glass – you were nervous, there was a whole room between you, but he still managed to make you nervous.

Maybe this was a bad idea?

He sat with his body turned, his hand around a beer bottle, as he watched the dancefloor move. Your eyes followed his and found Tommy where he danced, his hand clasping a woman’s, a woman you’d only seen in photos.

Joel’s daughter.

She was beautiful. Clad in a dark lavender satin dress, matching the other bridesmaids. Her dark hair was slicked back and gathered at the nape of her neck, held together by a matching satin bow, perfect curls spilled across her back. Her smile was even prettier as she laughed and sang with her uncle, swinging to ‘Build Me up Buttercup’. It was the same smile you could see across Joel’s face as he watched them. 

The drink burned slightly from the acidity at the back of your throat, and you were grateful that he’d been heavy on the liquor. You needed to catch up, let the alcohol loosen you up, pull away your unexpected nerves. 

“Who’s that?” you heard behind you. A warmth coated your neck and cheeks at being caught staring, and the embarrassment mixed with anger.

“I don’t think that’s any of your fucking business,” you scoffed. 

The bartender huffed out a dry laugh, “Jesus, it’s wedding small talk, no need to bite my head off.”

“Well, I’d prefer it if you didn’t talk,” you told him, sending him an annoyed look over your shoulder.

When you turned back around, Joel’s seat was empty, the beer bottle he’d nursed left behind on the table, the only sign he’d ever been seated there in the first place. Your tongue found the straw of your drink, twirling it around while you sipped, eyes scanning the dancefloor.

Nothing.

Did he slip out? Out to catch some fresh air or go to the bathroom? Maybe you could find the restroom, hover outside the door and ‘accidently’ bump into him?

No.

You cringed. Did you even hear yourself? As you took another sip, trying and failing to come up with a plan, a familiar gruff voice heaved a heavy sigh behind you.

“You got to be fuckin’ kiddin’ me.” 

He didn’t look angry, but the way his hand rubbed over his face was worse, he was disappointed to see you. 

“What the fuck you doin’ here?”

“Celebrating Tommy, and–” you squinted your eyes, looking at the name scrawled elegantly next to Tommy’s on the bar menu, “–Maria... aren’t you?” 

You gave Joel an easy smile, and stepped closer, crossing one foot nonchalantly over the other. There was no way in hell you’d give him the satisfaction of seeing you even a bit phased he’d caught you crashing his brother’s wedding. 

A huff escaped Joel at your lie before the corners of his mouth pulled ever so slightly in a dry, sarcastic smile. 

“That’s cute,” he told you, his voice devoid of any humor in it, tone entirely disbelieving. 

“I’ve been known to be described as such,” you grinned. 

Joel didn’t seem to like your joke, his face not moving an inch. “You know this is way out of line, right?” 

“What?” you snorted, taking a sip of your drink as your eyes fanned out over the room for a second, before landing back on Joel, “Aren’t you happy to see me?” 

Joel let out an almost incredulous scoff, shaking his head as his eyes quickly scanned across the room, going to Tommy still on the dancefloor with Sarah. Something seemed to flash over his eyes, or maybe it was the lights but he leaned forward then, fingers wrapping around your forearm in a firm grip. 

“Way to make it obvious,” you said under your breath as he pulled you a bit. Not letting him have it, you planted your feet, “What the hell are you doing?” 

“Don’t be a fuckin’ brat,” he told you, his voice filled with annoyance. 

Something ignited in you then, and you knew you had him right where you wanted him. Unable to contain your smile as the words crossed his lips, you felt them settle in your core, drip down your thighs like sticky honey. 

“You’d know just what do about that, wouldn’t you?” you challenged, your eyes burning into his, and for a second, you had his attention. He held your gaze, and his eyes flickered with the same intensity you felt.

A beat passed between you, and you watched as his jaw tightened, waiting for the bomb to tick down to zero. 

Then it popped.

The guests cheered as a song faded into another, and Joel took a step closer to you. His hand released your forearm to slip around your waist as his eyes never left yours. 

“Come,” he spoke through his teeth, his voice low and quiet.

The feel of his hand so close to your skin sent your brain into a temporary reboot. You’d craved it all week, missed him so close to you, missed his scent on your skin, and you let yourself be steered away. 

Quickly, Joel led you out the barn doors, his hand firmly pressed against your lower back as he looked over his shoulder. The music faded as he guided you towards a handful of small, scattered cabins hidden away behind a grove of trees. The trail snaked its way from tree to tree, your heels digging into the gravel making it hard to keep up with Joel’s pace. He walked with haste, passing cabin after cabin until the hand on your lower back looped around your waist, turning you around to face him as he came to a stop outside the last cabin.

His eyes drilled into your own, giving you a wild look, “I want you to leave,” he said, voice stern.

Leaning into his touch, you tilted your head to the side and let your eyes roll over him. He’d combed his hair back, wavy curls held back by gel. You raised your hand to cup his cheek, letting your thumb run through his trimmed scruff, hints of salt and pepper shone under the rising moonlight. The full of his lips was pressed together in a tight line, your eyes trailing your thumb as you let it gently run over his lips. Something softened in him under your touch, his eyes brown and deep as they watched you, it made your heart pick up its beat, hammering out of your chest.

Leaning closer, your eyes flickered to his lips again, and you thought about how you didn’t know what he tasted like, didn’t know how his lips felt against your own. You were so close now; his breath came out in small puffs against your face. Slowly you tilted your head, your nose accidentally brushing up against the crook of his own.

“You owe me a fucking orgasm,” you whispered.

His hand around your waist tightened, and with a small huff he tilted his head back.

“I owe you nothin’, princess.”

God, he could be stubborn sometimes. 

It might’ve annoyed you if it didn’t turn you on as much as it did. You loved how he made you work for it, and he was worth doing the work. Something deep down inside you knew it. Joel was a good man. If you weren’t careful he’d remove the walls built up by that lonely girl you’d kept hidden inside; one emotional stone at a time. Maybe it was ironic? The man who’d devoted his life to building walls, now breaking them down?

“Why do you deny yourself something you want?”

“You...” Joel swallowed hard, dark eyes watching your face with an unreadable expression, “You're a piece of work, you know that?”

The words stung more than you’d like to admit, and when Joel’s hand slipped from your body as he stepped away, a wave of anxiety washed over you. 

Had you gone too far? 

Joel didn’t look happy, and a small knot started to tie itself in your stomach under his gaze. You watched as he unbuttoned the top button of his tuxedo jacket, making it fall open and showing you his perfectly pressed shirt underneath. His right hand dug into his inner pocket, fishing out a white key card.

His steps were heavy up the front stairs to the cabin, almost dragging, like he moved through molasses. The lock clicked as he held the key card against it, a green light blinking before he opened the door. 

Dumbfounded, you stood at the foot of the front steps. You’d riled him up, played your little game and he’d gone along with it like always. 

Was this how it was gonna end?

He stood in the opening, hand on the handle with one foot on either side –  halfway in, but also halfway out. He didn’t move, his head tipped forward, weighing his options. Then he sighed and pushed the door open, and stepped inside the darkness.

“C‘mon, get in before anyone sees you.” 

The cabin was quaint, but cozy, with only the necessities. It was more like a hut, not bigger than a hotel room. A narrow hallway opened up to the bedroom, with a door to the right leading to a bathroom. Joel had placed his overnight bag on the chair in the corner, a worn leather duffle bag with a dark t-shirt and pair of jeans thrown over it, clearly thrown in a hurry to get ready. White lace curtains hung over the windows, bright against the dark wood of the paneled walls. 

The clinking of Joel’s belt pulled you from the silence, your head twitched like a reflex turning towards him. He’d shed his tuxedo jacket, his broad shoulders fighting against his pristine white shirt. He walked towards you slowly as he removed his cufflinks; the warmth in his eyes had turned darker. Taking a step backwards the back of your thighs pressed into the chair, almost tipping you over, but he caught you, one arm tight around your wrist while the other threw the cufflinks on the pile of clothes behind you.

“You say ‘red’ ‘nd we stop,” he told you, eyes holding your gaze so intently you didn’t dare look away. An inaudible breath pressed past your lips when his other hand cupped your cheek, the touch reminding you to nod your head.

“Or I pinch you,” you said.

A pleased smile spread across his face, “Good.” He punctuated his approval with a light pat to your cheek. 

Stepping away, he nodded towards the bed, an unspoken order, while his hands found his tie around his neck where he tugged at the knot. You sat at the foot of the bed, knees pressed together, waiting for him to make the first move. The white sheets smelled strongly of detergent, nothing like the faded hints of his cologne mixed with sawdust you’d smelled on his own sheets that first night he’d fucked you. 

The tie slipped from his neck and you fell back on your arms, feigning boredom while you let out an audible sigh. It made him laugh.

“What’s so funny?” you queried, your brows pulled together in a frown. 

A smile leftover from his chuckle coated his lips as he stepped closer, your legs spreading for him to slot between as he threw the tie on the bed beside you.

“Nothin’.” 

Over you, he gently rolled up his sleeves with practiced hands before he wrapped a hand tightly around your upper arm. Then he tugged. 

“Hey!” you said, fighting against his grip as he manhandled you. He turned you roughly, his other hand fingering the zipper of your dress, while the other held you in place. “Be careful with the dress,” you whined.

“Stop actin’ like a fuckin’ child,” he muttered, helping you out of your dress.

“A child? Well… that doesn’t bode well for you with what you’re about to do.”

That stopped him in his tracks, eyes burning as he let go of you. “Jesus Christ,” he hissed, throwing your dress over his pile of clothes, “you’re fuckin’ unbelievable.”

Freed from his grip, a smirk pulled at your lips as you shuffled up the bed. Leaning back on your elbows, you seductively parted your legs for him, showing him the darkened patch of fabric scarcely covering your cunt.

“You keep saying that,” you smiled, saccharine and sticky like syrup. 

“I’ll stop when you finally start behavin’.” Joel’s hand wrapped around your ankle, tugging you towards him with a hard jerk, making a giggly squeal escape you. 

“Never– HEY!”

A ripping sound tore through the room, your skimpy panties tattered in his large hands. A smirk spread over his face. The motherfucker looked mighty pleased with himself.

“Surprised you’re even wearin’ these,” he said, thumbing at the wet patch of arousal, before he tossed them to the floor. “A slut like you should’ve gone without, shouldn't you?” 

The warmth of his touch over your knees had you twitching for him, goosebumps following his hands as they rubbed gently up and down your legs. His eyes never left your face though, watching every reaction you gave up. 

“I…” your rebuttal trailed off when he fell to his knees, slotting between your own and spreading you open for him, one hand glided down the outside of your thigh to your ass, while the other found your aching clit.

Then he spat. A thick blob of saliva ran from the top of your mound down your clit, where it combined with your arousal shining through your glistening folds.

“Joel!?” you gasped when the rough pad made contact, pressing down with just the right amount of pressure, spreading his spit around in small circles. 

You kinda hated this part; getting eaten out. No partner had gotten it right before. Not that it wasn’t enjoyable, it could be, but never seeing stars good… And you couldn’t help but think about that first time someone had gone down on you, about the boytoy you’d had wrapped around your finger freshman year. He’d given you an orgasm maybe 60% of the time he’d fucked you (which was a better successrate than your later hook-ups), but his comment as he’d gotten on his knees for you for the first time still rang loudly in your head.

It’s not supposed to look like that, is it? 

The small laugh he’d let out had only made it worse, and you’d dumped him less than twenty-four hours later. Now, you hated having a man this close to your pussy.

Your hand found Joel’s shoulder, where it pushed. “I don’t…” you interrupted yourself with a hand over your face, not wanting to look at him.

“What, baby?” 

Suddenly he was there, hovering above you, caging you in with his body, heavy hand pushing at your own over your face. 

“Ain’t in the mood for the orgasm I owe ya, is that it?” he smirked, and you stayed obstinately silent for a second.

“What is it, hm?” he asks you, “Not gonna let me taste that pretty pussy?” 

Pretty…

“Joel…” 

Your eyes searched his face, looking to find where he’d hidden his lie. His face grew sterner, eyebrows pulling together in a furrow. 

“Tell me.”

Your front tooth caught on your lip and a heat prickled up your neck. You couldn’t tell him, you just couldn’t. Joel’s palm found your cheek, heavy and safe against your skin, letting his thumb sooth you and your eyelids fluttered from his touch. A breath got caught in your throat when he leaned forward, placing a soft kiss to the column of your neck, your pulse vibrating under his lips.

“Do I have to wring it outta you?” he whispered against your skin, his hand gliding from your cheek to fit around your neck. The air between you changed and you forced yourself to snap back into your disguise. 

“I’d like to see you try.”

A deep rumbling laugh vibrated against your skin and Joel found your eyes again. His hand around your neck soothed over your skin and you found yourself pushing up into his hand, daring him to tighten his grip.

“There she is… my brat,” he smiled.

Mine.

He was gone before the possessive word could settle, hovering over your body as he rid himself of his shirt. You couldn’t help but drink him in, he was so handsome, broad and strong with speckled grey hairs trailing to the heavy bulge hidden away behind the soft fabric of his dress pants. His undone belt clicked as he moved closer, climbing onto the bed between your legs.

“Scoot up,” Joel ordered with a tap to the outer skin of your thigh. 

The huff you let out was exasperated, earning you a stern look as his large palms found the cheeks of your ass, patting your skin lightly, before he helped you move. The way he fluffed the pillows behind your back was almost tender, and your eyebrows pulled together in the slightest frown. 

“Is your definition of ‘wringin’ it outta me’–” you mocked his drawl, “–fucking like a boring old married couple in missionary? Is that what you used to do with your wife?”

The way Joel’s eyes hardened made a smile break over your face. Quickly, you regretted the smile when his hand clasped around your wrist, bending it backwards towards the bed post.

“Hey! What are you doing?” you demanded, playfully fighting against his grip, but Joel was too strong.

“Behave.”

“But I hate that,” you exclaimed with a sigh, pushing your head back into the pillow.

His silk tie tickled against the thin skin under your wrist, and you had to turn your head to watch him as he tied your hand to the bed. The way he did it exuded no nonsense; his eyebrows were tied together in concentration as practiced fingers danced over the knots, testing them with a light tug.

“I’m givin’ you what you ain’t closed to earned– so you oughta be grateful, princess, ‘nd thank me,” he told you as he moved on to your other hand.

Joel raised an eyebrow at you when he grabbed a hold of it, daring you to put up a fight again. 

“Thank you, Daddy.” 

The way you said it was sugary sweet, and you knew he didn’t believe a word you said, but a pleased smile settled over his lips either way. Then his fingers found his belt, tugging it from his waist all in one go, his muscles moved under his skin from the strain. The leather felt harsher around your skin than his tie, but Joel made sure to not tie it to tightly. When he was pleased with you, he found his spot between your legs again. 

His rough hands teased over your naked skin, eyes fixed on the way it gave way for him when he squeezed ever so slightly. You couldn’t help but watch him – there was nothing you could do now, your hands literally tied. 

“I oughta tie these too I reckon,” he mused, pushing your legs wider, “but I’m outta rope,” he chuckled, way too pleased with his own joke.

“Ha-ha-ha,” you said, voice dry with an unimpressed look on your face. 

Lowering himself, he placed playful lovebites to the soft skin of the inside of your thigh. The lower he got, the closer he got, you felt yourself brace for impact as your eyes found the ceiling. 

You felt his hot breath first, gentle huffs against your spit-soaked clit. How soft his kiss was, you didn’t expect– didn’t expect the fluttering touch of his lips down your pussy, so gentle against the core of you. A stuttering breath caught in your throat, and quickly you melted against the pillows. 

“Hey,” Joel caught your attention. He had that look in his eyes, something dark and filled with lust as he let the scratch of his rough beard rub against the thin skin of your inner thigh. “Look at me, only me, you hear?” 

He underlined his order with a soothing kiss to the sensitive skin, pulling a nod from you. Pleased, his lips skated downwards, teeth nipping playfully at the skin, leaving small bursts of electricity in the wake of his touch. 

“Such a pretty pussy, baby– all wet ‘nd messy f’me.” Joel spoke with a deep bass, as two fingers found your seam, swiping them through your folds. “Listen,” he told you, as the slick sound of your arousal filled the cabin. 

The beat in your chest seemed louder and louder in your ears the more he taunted you. You didn’t want to do this with Joel – fake it – feel that stone of disappointment sink into the depths of yourself as the orgasm you so desperately wanted fizzled away into nothing. Couldn’t he just rub your clit a little? Finger you instead? 

With his fingers Joel spread you apart and a heat travelled up your neck. You felt so exposed, and you had to fight not to look away from him when he leaned forward with the flat of his tongue, tasting you. A breath caught in your throat like a reflex, and a low hum rumbled out of Joel’s chest, almost in… contentment. Your eyebrows met in a furrow then.

He couldn’t seriously like this? 

He continued to lap at your folds, taking his time, and it felt… good, really good. When he licked a stripe from your hole to your clit, you couldn’t fight back your moan. 

“C’mon, let me hear you, princess,” he said, his tone of voice way too cocky.

He latched on to your clit, sucking and flicking his tongue in a way no man had ever done before. It was intense, sloppy, almost primal. Small, breathy sighs built in your chest, and you wished you could touch him, hold on to him.

Joel licked down through your folds again; his tongue teasing at your hole. “Is–” you cut yourself off with a surprised gasp, reeling from the way his tongue pushed into you. “Is t-this what you call e-eating pussy?” you tried again to taunt, far from convincing. 

Joel didn’t bother with a reply. Instead, he switched his tongue with his fingers. The wet mix of your arousal and saliva made the slide easy. A breathy whimper escaped your lips when he curled them, hitting the spongy spot inside you and hurling you quickly towards your release.

“Fuck,” you sighed, bucking your hips against his lips closing around your clit again.

You couldn’t stay still, your hips moving erratically to meet the swipes and zigzags of his tongue. Never had it felt like this, this good, this perfect. His fingers moved easily in and out, in and out, with a slick squelch. Squeezing your eyes shut, Joel coaxed you closer and closer to your orgasm. The pads of his fingers hit you just right, massaging with every thrust. An increasing pressure swiweled in your stomach around the laps of his tongue around your clit. Your back moved on it’s own, arching off the bed as his makeshift restraints tightened with your movement. A hand found your ass then, holding you flush to his face and you felt yourself starting to wither.

“There she goes… my good girl,” he hummed against you, “Come all over my tongue, princess.”

You let the wave of pleasure wash over you with a broken scream. You didn’t have to fake a thing as your whole body shook with your orgasm. His fingers continued their pace, pushing through your spasming walls and prolonging your ecstasy. Every sigh and whimpering moan was real, and you lost yourself in the buzzing feeling of Joel taking you apart and putting you back together again. 

When the aftershocks fizzled out Joel pulled his fingers, slicked up and soaked from your cunt. A cocky grin coated his face as he brought his fingers to his mouth, licking your cum off his fingers. When your eyes found his, something in them had you slipping under, a want so strong to drown in them. 

He climbed off the bed, your blissed out gaze rolling over him as he removed his dress pants and underwear. You could feel yourself go doe eyed when he took his hard cock in hand, giving it a few practiced tugs as he studied you at his mercy, spread apart and dripping with a mix of your pearly arousal, his spit and your cum. 

He was perfect; his broad chest, tanned under the Texan sun with speckled hairs trailing down his torso where it ended in a dark wiry patch at the base of his impressive cock. Your mouth dropped open in the smallest of o’s – you wanted to taste him again, feel your spit mixed with his precum on your tongue, the thick head of his cock knock at the back of your throat. 

“Daddy…” you pleaded, putting on your best puppy dog eyes.

“What, princess?” he taunted, voice laced with fake pity as he climbed on the bed again. Letting go of his thick cock, he wrapped his hands under your armpits and hiked you upright against the pillows. Under him you couldn’t help but soften at the edges.

“What d’you want, huh? What does my slut want?” he continued, straddling your body, two strong thighs on either side of your torso. He was so close like this, veiny cock inches from your waiting mouth. Reluctantly, you tore your gaze away to find his eyes, focusing hard on finding your words as you could see him start to stroke himself again in your peripheral. The large head of his cock grazed your lips with every stroke, pearling a salty taste of precum for you to taste.

“Why do you ask, when you already know?” you said, your voice lacking your infamous bite. A smile tore at Joel’s face, and a rumbling laugh escaped him as he moved closer. 

“Maybe my cock pluggin’ up that throat will make you behave f’me?” he mused, like he was speaking his inner thoughts out loud and you weren’t even there. “At least  you’d be quiet for once.”

His other hand found your chin, then, robbing you of your answer as he squeezed at the flesh, forcing your mouth to pop open. “Kiss it for Daddy, princess,” he ordered, slapping his cock on your waiting tongue. 

When he let go of your face, you wrapped your plush lips around his thick head, suckling wet kisses to the tip. A lewd moan escaped you at the familiar taste of him, his musk filling your nostrils. It was addicting, Joel was addicting, and you needed more.

The desperate whine you let out, earned you a reprimanding slap to your cheek. “Don’t get greedy now, ‘m gonna give ya what you want,” he told you and pulled back, while the sting prickled away. You couldn’t help the pout forming, and Joel was quick to sooth it away with his thumb tracing over your lips. 

“Listen, baby,” he found your eyes, “You kick me, alright? You kick me ‘f you wanna stop.”

“Okay,” you sighed.

“Okay, what?” he demanded with a slap of his cock against your cheek, smearing glistening precum over your skin.

“Okay, Daddy,” you smiled and dropped your mouth open so he could feed you his cock – all the way this time.

“That’s it, my good girl.”

Eagerly, your plush lips wrapped around his cock, his heavy cock plugged up your throat as he made room for himself. You didn’t gag right away like last time, you had practice now. As he pushed himself deeper, his hand braced himself against the headboard, while the other cradled your head – his rough thumb skated gently over your skin as he gently rocked his hips.

“Fuck,” he moaned above you, “That’s it, slut, let me feel your throat open f’me.”

Closing your eyes, you tried to calm yourself, holding back your gag reflex as tears started to prickle at your eyes. Even with practice, Joel wasn’t easy to take. Your lips stretched wide around the girth of him, swollen and used as spit slicked up his pubes. With each rock of his hips you felt the bulbous head knock at the back of your throat, bruising your flesh.

The sight of you must’ve been pornographic; your throat bulging with every rock of his hips as your spit dripped down your chest, pooling at his thighs stretched over your chest.

A vicious gag choked you, and Joel pulled back quickly, his cock wet with your spit bopping heavily in front of you face. You spluttered between gasps of air, spit bubbling at the corners of your mouth as tears ran in a steady stream, smudging your make-up. His hand cradling your head tightened slightly, tilting you to catch his eyes as something close to worry flashed over his face.

“Don’t close your eyes, you hear me?” his voice was strict, “‘nd I need ya to kick me!”

“Keep going!” 

Your voice was hoarse and wet, but it didn’t seem to convince Joel. His face gave nothing away, stern and hard, teeth biting down a scowl – but his hands were tender, stroking at your skin.

“Ain’t ever been with a woman who’s as much of a slut as you I reckon,” he mused, his hand leaving your face to grip himself, tapping the length of himself against your skin.

“Embarrassing way to admit you haven’t been with a lot of women, Joel,” you told him, hiding your smile behind a soft kiss to the wet head of his cock. 

“Jesus Christ.” A laugh escaped him, surprisingly light for someone out to punish you. 

Moving your head, you started to press light kisses down his shaft, waiting for Joel to take control again, to punish you – like you ‘deserved,’ but all he did was a whole lot of nothing. When your tongue finally reached the base of him, your cheek pressed into the crease between his thigh and hip as your lips brushed gently against the soft skin of his balls – so heavy and full. Wrapping his hand around himself, he stroked in languid motions, like he savored it, wanted to memorize every calculated jerk.

“‘s that what you want, huh?” he asked, voice low and dark, almost tainting, and you couldn’t hold back the mewl escaping you. “Go on then, princess, suck on my balls like a good whore.”

With his other hand he guided one of his balls to your mouth. When you wrapped your lips around him, suckling gently at the sensitive skin, a deep groan fell from Joel’s lips.

“That’s good, princess, that’s so fuckin’ good.”

Being so close, breathing in the masculine musk of him, you almost squirmed under his weight, your cunt desperate and dripping with arousal. You felt so dirty, sucking on the balls of a man more than twice your age as he had his way with you. It would never feel like this again with anyone else – you knew it, you didn’t know how, but you did. 

“C’mon, give the other one some sugar too.”

Humming out in an agreement, you let go with a pop as he guided the other ball into your waiting mouth for you to suckle around. The rhythm of his strokes picked up when you flattened your tongue, licking at the seam.

“God,” he groaned, “such a fuckin’ slut f’me– so fuckin’ desperate for my balls in your mouth–” 

Joel cut himself off with a deep groan, as he backed up, making you chase after him as he held himself at the base, squeezing. Your restraints dug into your wrists, and you whined in defeat. 

This bondage act was starting to get old.

“Gonna come already, old man?” 

Joel didn’t seem to like your attitude, his joints cracking as he climbed back onto the bed, the welcomed weight of him now gone. 

“That’s rich,” he spat, “coming from the one showin’ up here all desperate for me to fuck her.”

“Well, I’m waiting,” you told him with a roll of your eyes, voice bored. 

That seemed to finally inspire some action in him. With stern eyes, and a stern grip, Joel parted your legs to slot between. The way his hands dug into your skin hurt, angry finger-shaped welts as he manuveroured you, had you wishing for the dizzying pain of a bruise tomorrow to remind you of this, of Joel.

Your hips bucked when you felt the blunt head of his cock against your clit, making him throw a hand over your waist to keep you still. A heat coated your cheeks when you heard it, the slick sound of your wet cunt as he dragged himself up and down your folds, coating himself in your desperation. 

“Missionary?” you bit, fighting hard to hold back your moans as he teased at your dripping opening, “You’re so old fashioned.”

“I like to watch brats break when they finally get a cock in them,” he bit back, “Now beg f’mine.”

“No,” you hiccuped, with a weak shake of your head. 

Joel played dirty – his thumb came up to graze over your clit, as he continued to tease his cock at your opening, pressing in slightly and then pulling out again just as quickly. He had you squirming for him in seconds, desperate to feel him make a home for himself inside you.

“Beg, brat.”

His thumb on your clit pressed down harder in tight, practiced figure eights, and you had no choice but to break. You needed him, needed Joel inside. 

“Please,” you gasped, “Please, fuck me.”

But Joel continued circling his thumb, drawing you closer to the edge again. It got harder and harder to stay still as he pushed at your boundaries. Everything inside you screamed for him, like you were a piece of metal and he was the magnet. You couldn’t stay away, you’d always end up pressed against him. 

“Whose cunt is this?” he demanded, suddenly hovering above you, dark eyes staring into yours. A large palm held your head in place, anchoring you to him, his face, this moment.

“Yours,” you whispered, “Yours, Joel.”

His name left your lips as a sight, the syllables stolen out of the air when he pushed at your opening, heavy cock splitting you in two and seating himself in your heat. He had your legs shaking, head lulling into his palm at the pleasurable pressure poking at the depths of you, where no one but Joel could reach.

“It’s okay, baby– you come on that cock if ya need to,” he hummed, a hint of condescension in his low voice as he continued to rub your clit.

Everything was coming to a head. Pleasure beamed through your body, like a supernova, as you exploded for Joel, shaking under his body as your eyes rolled back in your head. Whimpering moans stole your breaths, and you almost didn’t register Joel’s deep voice rumbling against the collum of your throat.

“C’mon… that’s it… good girl, that’s my good girl– y’feel so good, baby.”

His warm breath felt sticky against your skin, and you found yourself hoping he’d never leave; that you could somehow tattoo how he felt against you on your skin, let him mark you as his. 

When your legs stopped shaking, Joel’s thumb stopped bullying your clit. He let you catch your breath, heaving chest slowing to steady rhythm again. His eyes found yours again, and for a moment they were almost tender, as something real started to weigh between you. You wanted to say something, anything, but Joel pulled away, hooking his arms under your knees before he finally started to pound into you, chasing his own high.

“Fuck,” you gasped, your walls already sensitive from the multiple orgasms he’d already given you. The way he split you open around the girth of him, it was always too much, you couldn’t see how you’d ever get used to the feeling of him. 

Joel's breath got heavier as he picked up his pace, balls slapping wetly against your ass, as deep groans vibrated through his chest.

“That’s it, princess, you take it,” he rambled, “Good girl– go dumb on that cock f’me.”

His hands dug into your skin, his mind so caught up in you, in the way you felt squeezing around him.

Slap, slap, slap.

He was so deep, he must’ve fucked his way into your stomach. You felt yourself go limp in his arms, letting him take what he needed, letting him use you for his own pleasure. 

“God, y’were made f’takin’ my big cock, baby.”

“Gonna fill up this pretty cunt– watch it leak outta ya.”

“Please,” you begged between harsh thrusts, your tits bouncing with every sway of his hips, “Please, come inside me, Daddy.”

With a particularly sharp thrust, his balls pulled tight against your ass, and Joel came. Deep groans of satisfaction filled your ears, the sweetest sound, as he pumped you full. He rutted into you until there was nothing left, your cunt overflowing with his sticky seed. A content sigh left your lips at the feeling, your body finally sated. 

Thoughts traveled to the next moments, how you wanted him to pull you into his chest, strong arms pulled tight around your body as you both calmed down. To be held close in his embrace, a comforting hand at the back of your neck. You wanted him to kiss you, longed to feel his lips brush over yours. You searched for Joel’s eyes, searched for a small inkling of reciprocation.

Maybe you’d say something stupid – finally let go of all the feelings you can’t control anymore.

But Joel’s eyes didn’t want to catch yours, and he pulled away too quickly, sliding his softening cock from your ruined cunt. You were gonna make a mess of his sheets, you probably already had judging from the slick feeling on the inside of your thighs as you closed them. 

Something in the air felt loaded suddenly, and you wanted to reach for him, touch his rough skin and ground yourself away from your nagging insecurities– But you couldn’t, your hands were bound. His strong back muscles moved under his skin as he fished his shirt from the floor, now crinkled, ruined. 

“Wanna go again?” you tried, pushing at his back, barely out of reach, with your foot. 

He let you push at him, but the sigh he let out as he stood to his feet to get dressed had your stomach tie itself in a knot. 

“This ain’t happenin’ again,” he sighed, getting dressed. 

“Sure,” you nodded in a scoff, unconvinced as a mischievous smile tugged at the corner of your mouth. Between your legs you felt yourself start to leak, his thick spend running down your folds to your ass, and onto the sheets.

When he finally turned around, large fingers fiddling with the small buttons of his shirt, his eyes finally caught yours. Biting down on your lip, you spread your legs coquettishly, showing him where he’d claimed you. 

His eyes, however, never wandered, the familiar warmth that you had seen barely a few minutes ago now gone, his expression stoic and unreadable. You felt the knot in your stomach from earlier tighten.

“I’m serious,” he told you, and almost on instinct you felt your legs close as he leaned over you, untying one of your hands, “You ever pull something like this again, and it’ll be the last time you ever see me.” 

You felt your face drop despite yourself as he untied the other hand, the corners of your mouth straightening out as a small frown appeared between your brows. You were silent for a moment as Joel walked to the other end of the room, plucking his jacket up off of the chair. Your eyes tracked his movements apprehensively. 

“I thought you liked it when I behaved this way,” you said eventually, and you hated the way your tone sounded. You had meant for it to be a challenge, a call-out of his hypocrisy, but instead you sounded like a child; disappointed and petulant. 

“Listen,” he started, voice calm but with a seriousness that made a nervousness tug at the back of your neck. “You’ve had your fun, and I can tolerate a lotta shit, but–... you gotta learn some fuckin’ boundaries.” Your frown only deepened at his words. 

“Comin’ here–” his voice stalled as he shook his head, shrugging on the jacket “This is my family, my brother’s wedding– my fuckin’ daughter is here… You can’t just show up in my life like some kind of trainwreck every time you need me to fuck you.” 

“How else am I supposed to do it? You don’t exactly text,” you bit back, “And don’t pretend like you don’t like it,” you fumbled for a retort. 

“That’s just a shitty excuse for unacceptable behaviour, and you know it,” Joel said, and you felt yourself get angry at how calm he was. 

It was embarrassing; your cheeks burned bright like a flame, and it fueled a deep pit of annoyance inside of you, one you didn’t even know existed as your jaw bit down in a clench. Lifting your chin in a defiant scoff, you’re not proud of the next words out of your mouth.

“You’re full of shit,” you said with a shake of your head, “You’ll barely last a week and you know it... you love it, love putting me in my place like this.”

“Sure I do,” Joel said with a nonchalant shrug, “But I sure as shit didn't sign up to deal with your antics... that’s a job for your real Daddy, sweetheart.”   

That last comment felt like a slap in the face. A job for your real Daddy. In your chest you felt something cave in, as a paralyzing shock swept over your body. You went cold, so cold as your eyes drifted past Joel, and swiveled into the wood walls. He was right, Joel was right, but you never imagined he’d slap you in the face like this with the truth. 

“So, listen up now, this is what you’re gonna do,” Joel said as he stepped towards you, looking you straight in the eye, ”You're gonna take your shit, ‘nd your shitty attitude, ‘nd you're gonna quietly slip outta here ‘nd pretend like you were never even fuckin’ here in the first place. ‘s that clear?” 

You were barely able to nod before he stepped back and turned his back on you. When his hand found the doorknob, he threw you one last look. 

“You better not be here when I get back.”

part four -> here!

hopefully this was okay? please let me know what you thought of the new part! a comment telling me your favorite part is always welcome, and my ask box is always open to chat <3 and thank you for reading!!

© shellshocklove, 2024 i do not give any permission to repost, translate, feed to AI or redistribute any of my writing, with or without credit!

[is-the-sky-blue]

DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS (PT 2): GOJO SATORU & GETO SUGURU

Synopsis: When you have questions about physical intimacy Satoru and Suguru are quick to answer them.

Warnings: 18+, NSFW, satosugu x fem!reader, pet names, praise, teasing, fingering, finger sucking, spanking, begging, oral (f + m receiving), cum eating, watching porn, masturbation, blowjob, handjob, titjob, face sitting, marking

Part 1 >Part 2< Part 3

You were just a couple of pals who made out once and a while and went out together all the time, some would say you were dating but the thought never really crossed your mind, mainly because you didn't dare think about it. Especially since the kisses you shared weren't given on the regular, even quick pecks hidden from the public's eyes, it was because these were your dirty little secrets.

Up until then every last one of your questions seemed quite plain, never really teetering over the edge to enter taboo territory, but that was until the high school first year, Satoru, forced the three of you to watch a rated R movie he rented under one of his butlers' names as your ever wealthy Satoru, born from the Gojo estate, abused his power once again, much to your disapproval.

The film was fine at first, sure the language was coarse as they dropped the f bomb more than the usual movies you were permitted to view so you thought the rating was just an overreaction made by some picky conservative parents or something, but quickly this film told you otherwise, the people who decided the age category to target this film towards yelling, "I told you so," right into your face as you watched the two actors begin to strip each other bare, lithe fingers unbuttoning the girl's blouse only for him to sexily rip off his tank top, revealing his rippling muscles to the camera as his hand snaked behind her back, unclasping her bra as her boobs spilled out, leaving the panting woman no time to catch her breath as his unrelenting lips broke from her mouth to suckle on her...tits? you were pretty sure that was the kind of language he used when he murmured into her hair, "your tits are so pretty," before leaning in.

The sight made your eyes narrow, watching as she let out a loud moan as his lips bite down onto her nipple as you found your hand coming up to slightly pat your own, now presenting chest. "Does it really feel that good," you ask skeptically, ignorantly unaware at the way two sets of teenage boy eyes made their way to you, adam apples bobbing in their throat and you didn't even think to question why there were pillows in their laps with a blanket over all your shoulders despite the weather growing warmer with each day. The awkwardness that first started creeping up your neck as the two characters made out, in a way that seemed far too intense, to lead to anything other than filthy, receding, that ashamed tinge that you think you are supposed to feel not really hitting you as you stared more confused than aroused by the sex scene that played out before you.

"I think so," Satoru scrunched his face, starting to feel like a nonbeliever as he shifted, no longer entranced by the erotic scene as he was before, despite this being his first introduction into the sinful world he always saw hinted at in all the shows he watched where male protagonists fell commonly fell into busty boobs and steam covered private parts as characters walked in on each other naked, fan service going crazy to try and keep eyes captivated on the screen, to find something to keep people around as the general plot was never any good. "Aren't you supposed to know, you're the girl," he huffed confused.

"Well I dunno," you mumble, "I don't think so," you tilt your head, you've scratched your breasts before when they were itchy and squeezed at your hanging boobs while in the shower, trying to wash away your sweat during the sticky summer months but nothing had ever made you moan, or even lightly gasp at even a fraction of the volume she did.

"She might just be faking it," Suguru nodded, "She is an actor," he says as though it's obvious as you watched as her, "nghs," and her, "ahs," started to seem more forced then natural, kinda sounding like when Satoru mocked your high pitched hiccups, that he claimed sounded like those rubber squeaky chickens, that Suguru brought you a cup of water to try and eradicate. 

"Guess so," you murmur, watching as her pink glossed lips parted into a pretty, 'oh,' shape, it was kind of a shame that it sounded so forced, the actor probably sounds really nice when she actually moaned.

"Now this scene feels annoying," Satoru huffed, side eying you, "way to ruin the mood," and you gaped at him.

"Hey!" you pout, "it's not my fault it looks so fake," you grumble, watching as Satoru leaned forward to skip past the scene, hitting different points along the progress bar and you watched as flickers of different moments flashed before you, brief images of her hand in his hair, him hovering over her, their pants coming off, and then the roll of his hips against where her private parts were, their bodies shaking but the camera not explicitly showing where they met, probably because they weren't actually having sex, until finally Satoru found where the sex ended and it was the morning after where they both lay nude in bed, coddled in each others arms and you had to admit that the scene of him cuddling their naked forms together as he pressed kisses into her neck with a good morning made you slightly aroused, the specks of praise you could hear him murmur as she caressed his chest making your thighs squeeze together just the tiniest bit.

The next time you mention sex is in your second year of high school, except it's not with Suguru or Satoru at all, but with your friend Ieiri Shoko. The two of you are sat in her bedroom, your backs leaning against the side of her bed as you found yourself seated on the floor again. Her laptop is open wide about a meter or so in front of you as the two of you huddled together, array of snacks in front of you as you commenced your annual girls' movie night.

She pulled the movie into full screen mode before hitting play, but instead of being greeted by the title scene of a classic chick flick you felt a desire to watch, the illegal website you pirated the film off of forced you into an ad, and not just any ad, it was a commercial for a porn site, you watched in surprised as a fully naked woman popped up in front of you, her tits shaking as her hips grinded down onto a pillow, rolling forward and the high pitched sound of her breathy moans spilled from Shoko's laptop speakers, the girl beside you not even bothering to lower the volume as her parents weren't home as the woman started pitching the website, "wanna see me cum! Then click the link and-" you zoned her out, more intrigued by the way her bare cunt slid against the fabric of her pillow.

"Why is she doing that," you mumble out, staring as her hips circle and you begin to see the white cushion start to turn damp.

"Humping her pillow or advertising for a porn site," Shoko hummed, not phased in the slightest at the scene that soon ended, returning you back to the film you were trying to watch.

"Humping," you ask, replaying the scene in your mind, "how does that feel good," you pondered, brows furrowed in confusion, your limited knowledge on all things sex related very much only focused on the actual intercourse and that's mostly because of all the sex-ed talks you had in school.

"It's because she's rubbing her clit on the pillow," the woman beside you answered nonchalantly, placing a blue gummy into your parted lips as you hummed in understanding, the word clit one of the few words stored in your little dictionary, eyes briefing over it a couple times when reading YA novels where the author decided to add in a spicy little smut scene. "It kept catching on the wrinkles," she continued, tearing open a bag, "but her moans were a little exaggerated." 

"How do you know?" you tilt your head, opening your mouth again, letting her place a fuzzy peach inside from her newly open snack.

"Well you aren't going to feel that good from a pillow," she explains, "I mean unless she was riding like the seam of it or something, but even then... " she trails off "regardless it isn't going to stimulate her well," she muses watching as the establishing shots and upbeat music slowly faded and zoned in on one of the characters voices.

Your next interaction with the topic is a couple months later. You sat around the low lying wooden table you set up in your bedroom, an array of coloured pens and mechanical pencils presented atop the surface as you scribbled graphite over the sheets of your notebook, textbook tucked in front of you as you sat cross legged on the floor, a cushion beneath your bum so you wouldn't feel the tingly pins and needles from sitting so long. Your friends Gojo and Geto are with you, sitting on the side of the table adjacent to where you remain perched, the consistent clicking of Satoru's pen had Suguru kicking him beneath your note packages before you found yourself puzzled by a particularly tricky math problem.

"Have you done number 8 b yet," you speak out, leaving the question for either one of them to answer but instead of a polite, yes or no, like you wished for, of course you had to be teased first.

"How are you still on number 8," Satoru snickers, earning him a pinch on his surprisingly toned arm, his lanky limbs beginning to grow just a touch beefier as he formed a newfound interest in the gym.

"I didn't ask you to make fun of me, I asked for help," you huffed, tapping the question in your textbook.

"I got x squared minus four x minus five," Suguru chimed from beside you and you groaned at your very much incorrect answer.

"Howww," you whined, staring at your different list of numbers as you reached for your eraser to try and rub away the shameful markings as Suguru slid his notebook into your eye line.

"Don't trust him," Satoru hums from your left and you offer him a skeptical glare. 

"What do you mean?"

"I got x squared plus four x minus five," he chimes and Suguru furrows his brows, "someone must've mixed up his subtraction and addition symbols," the snowy haired boy sing songed.

"Yeah you," Suguru bites back, staring at the terms he combined only to find no error.

"Yeah right," Satoru huffed, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned to inspect Suguru's notebook. "See you made that a negative, it's a positive" the boy tapped onto the page, "it's a positive minus a negative, there are brackets around the negative eight" and Suguru scrunched his face before tapping another part of the page

"It's a positive plus a negative and as far as I'm concerned four plus negative eight is negative four" he corrected.

"Nuh uh," Satoru huffed, "it's a positive minus a negative"

"No it's not," Suguru growled and suddenly you watched as the two began to bicker and you let out an exasperated sigh.

"Fine then I'll just put the question into a math checker and then we'll see that I'm right," Satoru snarkily harrumphed, grabbing his phone and unlocking it, needing to search up a generator as he didn't already have an app installed.

You waited as he clicked open his search engine, eager to figure out the answer more for your own greed then their competition but you were surprised.

Not surprised in the sense that the internet gave a different answer then both Satoru and Suguru, but because as Satoru clicked inside his browser app a sharp and airy moan left his phone speakers. Wait scratch that, you guess you were surprised because the internet gave you a different answer than you were expecting, an answer not really related to math at all.

You've never seen Satoru's hands move quicker, flying to click down the volume before shutting off his phone, the dark screen greeting you as it clattered to the table and a lingering silence filled the space before a cackle broke out from your right. "Was that porn!" Suguru laughed, looking at Satoru's flushed cheeks incredulously.

Porn... you never really thought about the fact that people actually watched it, but then again why wouldn't they.

"No!" Satoru tried to retort but the pink painting the apples of his face gave him away. "It was, I-just," and he began to stumble over his words, trying to come up with a logical excuse only to find no lie that made sense.

What else sounds like a high pitched breathy sigh of a moan?

"Just what," Suguru chuckled, finding humour in Satoru's embarrassment, "or is your ring tone someone having sex," the man said, a shit eating grin splaying across his lips.

"I-" and finally Satoru simply sighed, resting his flushing cheeks in his palms as he avoided eye contact with the two of you as Suguru merely cackled. 

"Can I see," you blurt out suddenly, prying eyes staring intently on the dark screen gracing the front of Satoru's shut off phone, the two boys beside you staring at you with widened eyes.

"Huh!" Satoru exclaimed, brows furrowing, staring at you as though you had grown a third head.

"I want to see," you reiterate, hands reaching forward for Satoru's phone, immensely curious, as your unsatiated brain grew in it's interest of the video that once played on his device.

"You heard her," Suguru merely chuckles, recovering from his initial shock as he scooched closer to your side, leaning over your shoulder to muse at the blushing boy, "show us," and carefully, with movements full of hesitation and flickering eyes that held the words,'are you sure?' Satoru clicked open his phone, he had never really been able to decline yours and Suguru's requests anyways.

"Perverts," the white haired boy merely mumbles under his breath, punching in his password without bothering to hide it, knowing full well the two of you already knew what numbers unlocked his phone.

"Says you," Suguru smirks, thighs pressed against yours as he sat at your side, Satoru coming to sit on your other side as you reach for his phone, holding the device in your hands as you watched an erotic image display in front of your elated gaze, anticipation filling you as the video began to play, two boys sandwiching you between them as they eyed the film in your hands.

As you watched the video play you began to understand why porn was a thriving industry.

You watched as her ass reverberated against toned thighs, her back to the camera as the man she rode lay on his own back, her hips jumping and falling with sensual claps as whiny and satisfied moans broke past her lips. Your eyes never left, barely blinking, scared to miss the scene, watching as she satisfied herself on her own accord, setting the pace as she rolled her body, the faint groans that you assumed came from her partner echoing out of Satoru's speakers as you clicked up the sound.

Despite the fact that you scrutinized the video so closely you failed to acknowledge the uncanny resemblance the woman had to your own figure, her same coloured hair eerily cut in a similar style to your own, her skin tone only a fraction of a shade darker than your own, her body shape so very similar, dipping and curving in ways your own hips do. If you actually bothered to notice you would've had to take a moment to question if the woman in the video was actually you, only to recall that you've never had sex, let alone filmed it and uploaded it to a website for others pleasure.

However what your ignorant eyes failed to notice Suguru's inquisitive ones caught almost immediately, a knowing dance sparkling behind his irises as he sent a coy grin towards Satoru who only blushed at the fact.

The hypnotic effect her jiggling ass had on you keeping you away from feeling the way Suguru leaned behind your head, the mesmerizing song she sung occupying your ears from hearing the deep whisper Suguru spread into Satoru's ears.

"Don't worry, I like watching her too." 

If you weren't so busy watching as the website auto-played yet another video by the actress you would've caught Satoru's face growing redder with parted lips as Suguru not only discovered his dirty little secret but also shared it.

You continued to stare at the new set of scenes that unfolded in front of you, watching as her face was still unseen as she presented her ass to the camera once more, her face burrowed in the sheets while she rested on her knees with her ass in the air.

Face down ass up, that's what it was called, right?

Her hands gently spread her ass cheeks, hips shaking as she displayed both her holes with such confidence it made you shudder before her fingers slithered towards her cunt, deft digits toying with her clit, rolling it and you couldn't help but think of the woman who had humped her pillow. So any type of friction against your clit was supposed to make you feel good, you concluded, watching as her hand traveled down the bud to run through her folds that glistened beneath her carefully set up lights, finger growing wet with her slick and then you gasped.

A sudden, shocked, slightly loud sound that had both boy's snapping their attention to you.

Had you finally noticed the woman in question looked like you, had you realized that you were watching porn and were suddenly disgusted. Satoru's brain was running rampant, did you think he was a weir- the question could barely finish being asked in his brain before you asked another.

"Doesn't that hurt," you murmur in disbelief, watching as one of her fingers pumped inside her dampening cunt, slipping inside before quickly adding another one, making you recoil as you felt your own pussy tingle as you squeezed your thighs.

"Hurt?" Suguru questioned, watching as the woman fucked herself with her hand "baby you know what happens during sex right," he furrows his brows, pushing you with a query to distract you from the name that spilled from his lips easily.

"I mean yeah," you murmur with warming cheeks, "but still..." the idea of putting your fingers inside your body like that made you shudder with fear, "it looks kinda scary."

"Wait," Satoru suddenly perks, eyes wide on you as he stared "does this mean you've never masturbated before," and it was your turn to flush, embarrassed, when had the attention shifted from teasing Satoru, to teasing you, as the white haired boy stared at you coyly. 

"I- well," you stammer, feeling yourself grow hot as their eyes trained on your warming form, "i-it's scary!" you huffed and you could hear Satoru laugh while Suguru let out a light chuckle. "What are you laughing at!" you yell, punching the porn watching boy who was supposed to be the one getting bullied. "Y-You just have to like, tug on it and it feels good b-but I," you stumble, "I have to put something inside a-and that alone doesn't feel good, you have to play with your clit and find like a g-spot or something," you begin to ramble, stating off lines you've heard Shoko say as she explained the concept of masturbating to you as you watched the chick flick together, curiosity taking you over after watching the woman roll her hips.

"Mhm," Suguru hums, "well I'm sorry that we just have to tug on it," he cackles at your choice of words as your face burns, "but I mean, if you ever need help overcoming your fear you can call us," he states so bluntly it had you squirming.

"What do you mean call you!" you scrunch your face, hitting his shoulder as well, as Satoru muses.

"He means call us and we'll teach you," the boy coos and you could only huff in aggravation as they clearly continued to tease you, relishing in the reactions you couldn't keep at bay.

For months the film haunted you, popping to the forefront of your brain sporadically throughout the day, whether it was at home, during class, or when you were sat studying with your friend's in your room again, your mind always seemed to wander back to the woman and the way she pushed her fingers inside her cunt.

After a while you went on the hunt to find her, opening websites on your phone and while you couldn't find the same one you went down a rabbit hole of watching many different attractive women masturbating for a camera. It was strange you thought, the idea of putting a finger inside yourself but as you lay awake at night, coddled up in your blankets you can't seem to let the image go.

Your room is quiet, your window locked, the blinds tightly closed as your door was sealed shut. Your duvet is warm against your body as you pull it up higher against your chest, tucking it beneath your chin as you squeeze your thighs together.

You should really be asleep but the thought keeps haunting you.

Did it really feel that good.

It felt strange, usually you pressed your thighs together until they were sore and you were tired to try and relieve the arousing itch, but this time you couldn't help yourself when you snaked an experimental finger beneath your pants and you gently begin to run your finger over your folds, brushing them against the fabric of your panties like you've seen done a multitude of times during your porn viewing experience.

Usually this was where she'd let out a breathy whine or moan but you found no sound ready to escape your lips. It felt funny but as your finger brushed a little higher on your cunt, where you knew your clit should be, it felt slightly different, a little tingly as you rubbed but other than that there was nothing.

You shouldn't be doing this but you couldn't help yourself.

Your hand carefully traveled into your underwear, the waistband resting on your wrist as you toyed with your folds, carefully pulling them apart, they were slightly damp but they didn't feel as sticky as you imagined when you saw the women's glistening holes, maybe you weren't wet enough

Carefully you snuck your hand from your cunt to your mouth, feeling yourself grow a little embarrassed with yourself as you suckled on your index finger, mimicking the way you saw one woman do, coating your finger in your saliva before experimentally trekking it back into your pants, spit brushing against your stomach before you rubbed it over your cunt, feeling it grow a tad bit more slippery as you brought a hand to your clit.

You brushed against it, fingers tracing up and down and moving it in circles, trying all varying techniques you've witnessed behind a screen as you tried to elicit a warm pleasure but all you felt was a small tingle every once and a while, the sparks began to grow but it never seemed to last, feeling nice before receding as your hand couldn't seem to keep a consistent enough pace against your dampening clit, sparks flying but no flame as your cunt grew wetter with every second only to find no satisfaction and only frustration.

Maybe if you inserted a finger it'd feel better?

So you attempted it, facing your fears as you quickly dipped your fingers between your folds, letting it delve only a quarter way inside when you began to feel uncomfortable, the feeling of your cunt, squishy and wet, making you feel less horny and more ready to stop.

You retrieved your hand, trying to rub over your clit instead but the more your tried the less pleasure you felt, you were growing warmer and instead of wanting to moan you wanted to cry in frustration.

Why wasn't it working.

Were the little tingles from your clit the orgasm you began to wonder, that was the only thing that felt remotely good but it couldn't be, right? In all the videos you consumed and all the movies you watched their orgasms were intense, their hips shook and they appeared to be feeling wonderful.

Why couldn't you achieve that feeling.

It was annoying, a small little nibbling burden calling out every so often in the back of your mind every day. It didn't weigh on you but it sure irritated you at times.

After that day you tried a couple more times, this time letting your finger reach as far as it could and you began to try and thrust it in and out but it didn't feel nice like you thought it would. You tried to rub your clit at the same time but your hands didn't cooperate as you couldn't both rub yourself and thrust so instead you decided to grope your chest and thrust instead but you didn't feel your lower belly warm like it was supposed to.

You began to grow more and more irritated.

Your nightly endeavours never resulted in the way you wanted, you even tried to put two fingers in for a couple of seconds only for your pussy to start burning and you quickly reverted back to one.

It was absolutely humiliating, you couldn't even please yourself.

Soon enough you were graduating high school and despite furthering your education you couldn't seem to further your own sexual experiences.

You were now in university, renting a three bedroom apartment with your two best friends, that much to Satoru's chagrin, wasn't the penthouse.

"I'll just pay for it."

"We all have to pay equal rent Toru."

You lay in your bed conflicted for yet another night, you were in university, the time of your life when people went to parties, found partners, had flings, had one night stands, had sex, and yet here you were still struggling to masturbate properly, at this point maybe you should just buy a vibrator, but where would you buy it, if you got it online where were you supposed to order it to, it's not like you could ship it to the apartment, not with the chance that Satoru and Suguru could spot it first.

Your internal dilemmas continued to rage on as your cunt was left wet and unsatisfied for yet another night and the creeping voice whispered in your ear again, they had told you if you asked they would help you please yourself, but then again they were also teasing you at the time.

Tossing a pillow over your face you huffed, what were you supposed to do.

You wanted to just ignore it but your wet cunt ,that leaked over your panties and began to seep into the fabric of your sleep shorts, had you writhing.

You've already made out with them before, this wouldn't be that much different, right? It's just like kissing but with a different set of lips...

Fucking hell, you were doomed.

Hesitation weighed on your achy bones as you pushed yourself to sit, your damp underwear making you squirm in discomfort as you quickly rose to stand. This wouldn't be weird right, asking your friends to fuck your dripping cunt wouldn't ruin your friendship, right?

The questions you asked flooded your brain as your feet padded towards your door, unhinged, unanswered queries swarming you. Any sane person would tell you that, yes, your friends would call you a lunatic and ask you to move out of your shared apartment, but a part of you still believed it would be fine, and it seemed as though it was that very small, insane fraction of your brain that guided your trembling hand to push open your bedroom door.

After all no sane person knew your friends as well as you did. Maybe, just maybe they'd be crazy enough to take you up on your offer, they had offered before. Even if it might've been a joke the slight possibility that it wasn't had your weeping pussy excited.

You shuffled out of your dim bedroom into the main area of your home, taking the couple of steps it took to get from your door to the living room, spotting the two boys leisurely resting on the couch, limbs thrown whichever way was most comfortable as Satoru's eyes were glued to the television, determined to binge old Digimon episodes while Suguru, who couldn't care less, stared at his phone, thumb gliding over the screen as he scrolled.

Your entrance didn't really seem to warrant too much of their attention as Satoru barely flickered his gaze to you before returning to his show, Suguru no different. You weren't quite sure whether this was supposed to be a good thing or bad thing, their attention spared anywhere but towards you, making your stomach do flips as you felt anxiety crawl up your throat, telling you that you were a psychopath for even thinking you could do this.

But despite your brain telling you no, your body told you yes, legs shuffling closer to the plush couch as the dripping mess between your thighs overran all reason. You felt it, that strong urge pushed you, as instead of taking a space on an empty part of the cushion you crawled over into Suguru's lap, straddling his legs as you pushed your weight into your knees, your brazenness not encompassing your fear that he would be able to feel your gushing cunt through your shorts.

Suguru merely hummed as you clambered over him, clicking his phone off before dropping it onto the couch as he brought his hands to your waist, planting his touch to the curve of your hips as he leaned his head back onto the couch, hair dancing in dark waves as he stared up at you, purple eyes glinting with welcome as a smile tickled his lips.

"What's up," he spoke softly, fingers squishing the fat of your curves, touching you tenderly, but you could only shake your head at his salutation, crumpling into his hold to force your flushed cheeks into the crook of his shoulder, maintaining your position of hovering over his thighs as you curled your back into him. "Is my girl feeling needy," he presumed, pressing a kiss to your scalp and you could feel yourself shudder, if only he knew how needy you actually were, the chaste kiss he lingered in your hair doing nothing but fueling your walls, the affection he shared, assuming it would satisfy you, only leaving you wanting more.

"Mhm," you whined into his skin, you weren't telling a lie and part of you hoped that your very, very, miniscule hint, would make him understand what you wanted, leaden tongue no longer bold enough to spew the words you were so ready to ask moments ago, or at least were even considering to ask moments ago.

"Do you want a kiss," he asked tenderly, pulling you from his neck, forcing you to stare into his pretty purple eyes, trying to give you the affection that you normally pushed into him like this for.

You could only nod, melting into his lips that caressed yours so lightly, attempting to satiate yourself on this alone, striving to force your cunt from fluttering as you desperately wanted to just have your full of his mouth and be done with it, make it so a little kiss could soothe your unsatisfied core but so far he only made it worse, gentle touches burning against your skin and you couldn't help but writhe in his hold as he did his best to comfort you, giving you what he thought you wanted, tongue gliding against your mouth as the ventured through already chartered waters.

"Is something wrong," he cooed as his lips left yours, hand coming to scratch your scalp as despite your best efforts he still seemed to catch onto your greed that you poorly hid. 

"No," you could only murmur, closing your eyes, trying to lean in for yet another peck, wanting to forget your lust, wanting to force him to drop the subject but his hand intercepted your mouth, pressing against your lips as he kept you from him, kept you from spewing deceit and moving on.

"Don't lie to me baby," he sighed watching as your brows furrowed, recognizing the frustration that painted your features and you could only huff at his perceptiveness, "it's obvious something is bothering you."

Yeah my cunt, you wanted to say but you bit your tongue, not wanting to escalate the situation so sporadically despite how much you began to yearn for more of him.

With a sigh you burrowed yourself back into his neck, trying to compose yourself as he pat your head, letting you take your time. At this point you knew you couldn't lie, that the more you tried to avoid it the more he'd pry and you had to acknowledge the fact that this was the reason you came here in the first place, that you were the one who put yourself into this position. You were already here you just had to complete your goal, even if that goal might end in humiliation with you shuffling back embarrassed, unsatisfied and soon to be evicted.

"Y-You know how you always say," you start, squeezing your eyes shut as you kept yourself against his body, "if I ever need help you'd always be there," and at this you could feel him tense, fingers stilling from where they slid against your body and you could feel worry claw at your throat as the couch dipped, Satoru shifting closer as he caught onto the conversation you shared with Suguru, his hand against your warming cheek as he brushed the hair from your face, trying to catch your gaze but you refused to meet it.

"Did something happen," Suguru questions, trying to force his hands to rub soothing circles once more, attempting, but failing from keeping the concern seep into his tone.

"What's wrong," Satoru added, his hand patting your back, warmth seeping into your skin as he squished against Suguru. You could feel him against your bare leg that still straddled the dark haired boy's lap.

"W-Well," you breath, trying to keep the tears that suddenly sprung to your eyes at bay, a fear stinging your limbs as you did your best to swallow the lump in your throat, "I mean," you gasp out, "never mind it's nothing," you try, shaking you head.

You couldn't do this.

Your limbs tried to grapple free from his grasp, pushing out of arms to run away, wanting nothing more than to just forget this ever happened, to wake up and realize this was all some horrific nightmare as you endeavoured to wriggle free only to feel his hands tighten, the pain blossoming in your skin from their grip telling you that this wasn't a dream as Satoru quickly latched you close, capturing you as you frantically looked about, trying to find an escape route. "Let me go," you mumble, wet eyes trying not to be seen as they held you close, suddenly frightened with your change in demeanor, uncertainty permeating their features.

"What's wrong," Suguru tried again, his hands not letting you squirm away as you stared at your room, wishing you were trapped in its confines. You'd much rather be sticky and wet all on your lonesome than admit it at this point.

"N-Nothing," you murmur, doing your best to keep yourself steady, finally feeling yourself give up, their hold on you much to tight to let you escape and you found yourself back in the crook of Suguru's neck.

Maybe you should just close your eyes and pass out, they couldn't question you if you were asleep, or maybe blame it on somehow being intoxicated.

You could hear Suguru sigh, feel it as his shoulder's decompressed, "you can't just walk in here ask that, and then try to run away," he states, hands rubbing your back and you couldn't help but purse your lips.

"Is something, someone, scaring you," Satoru carefully pried, "you can tell us anything," and you could feel the tears try and fall, droplets pricking your eyes as you grew more embarrassed, how were you supposed to tell them now.

Suguru could feel his shoulder grow damp and he could only purse his lips, scared, he sent a wary glance to Satoru, blue eyes also full of turmoil as they stared at your form that slowly began to tremble, slight sob spilling from your lips as you murmured, "it's s-silly," you shake your head, trying your best to hide from their eyes.

"It doesn't matter," Suguru cooed, "if something's bothering you let us fix it," he attempted to soothe, wholly unaware with the double meaning his words left, the feeling of you cunt beginning to clench around nothing making you cringe.

"You," you take a calming breath, "you can't judge me," you fist Suguru's shirt, trying to keep your voice from wavering.

"Just tell us," Satoru hums, hands trying to loosen your white knuckled fist, brushing his warm touch over it.

"You promise you can't get mad o-or or," you begin to stammer, "hate me," you whisper quietly, body tensing as your muscles pinched with anxiety, awaiting their response.

"Baby we could never hate you," Suguru rumbled, patting your head as he felt you shake in his hold.

"Y-You have to promise," you choke out once more, voice full of fear and Suguru could feel himself grow antsy, panic broiling.

"I promise," he attempts to soothe carefully once more, slight distress seeping in.

"I promise too," Satoru hums gently, fingers running over your knuckles as he pried your hand from Suguru's shirt, feeling you tightly grip his hand instead

"Y-You know," you begin to start, "that time you told m-me" and you could feel yourself warm impossibly hotter, "th-that if I ever needed help o-overcoming my f-fear," you stutter out,  t-that I can call you," you finish squeezing your eyes shut, hoping they'd remember their words instead of prod further at what your fear was, but much to your dismay it had seemed as though they had forgotten.

"Fear..?" Suguru trails off, furrowed brows turning to Satoru, silently asking if the other man knew what you were talking about only to receive a shake of the head, "baby what are you scared of" he tried, confused.

"I-" you freeze, not quite sure how to word it, "you don't remember," you say instead and you can hear the pause as the gears turned in their minds, wracking their brains for what you were referencing.

"No, I'm sorry," Satoru finally says, "but whatever it is our offer still stands," he continues, "we can help you, just remind us," he presses a kiss to your knuckles, "please," and you are biting your lip tightly, conflicted.

You've already dug your grave this deep, why not hammer the last nail into your coffin at this point.

"M-masturbating," you whisper so quietly that if they didn't have all their focus on you they would've missed it, but despite this Satoru still asks you again.

"What was that," he gapes, hand suddenly stilling from where it ran over your knuckles and you could feel your blood begin to run cold, shocked, unsure of if he had actually heard you right or was just freaked out by your confession.

"M-Masturbating" you say a little louder and the room fell quiet before a single 'pfft' echoed out, "y-you promised you wouldn't judge me," you huff, pulling from Suguru's neck as you stared teary eyed at Satoru, his chest convulsing as he laughed and soon enough you could feel Suguru's broad chest rumble as well as he chuckled.

"M'not laughing at you baby, you just had us so worried," Satoru wiped a tear from his eye "thought it was something serious."

"This is serious!" you exclaim, brows furrowed and you could feel even more tears fall, dripping down your chin, they didn't care, they weren't going to kick you out but tease you, make fun of you, they were going to belittle your feelin- and Satoru gently cupped your face, wiping away a stray droplet that ran down your cheek.

"I know, I just thought something really bad happened," he cooed instead, thumb running over the salty stains painting your face.

"We're just relieved it's something we can fix easily," Suguru sighed, tensed muscles relaxing as his fingers squeezed at your hips before his eyes forced your to look at him, gentle smile splayed across his lips, "my poor baby needs help learning how to masturbate," he cooed, hand toying with the stray ends of your hair and you nod, ashamed.

"You want us to teach you," Satoru whispered into the shell of your ear, pressing a kiss to your cheek before you shook your head, your fear quickly dissipating, leaving only lust in it's wake as you realized that nothing you thought would happened did, now only the things you wished would happen would occur.

You could feel the blood rush back up to your cheeks, painting your face and ears as you sighed, your wet cunt now throbbing for attention as their searing gaze poked at you "No" you murmured and you could feel your courage grow as you shifted yourself to only straddle one of Suguru's toned thighs before you pushed your weight off your knees and onto him, staring up at them through your darkened lashes and you couldn't help but think of that woman and her pillow as you rolled your hips, letting him feel you, letting him feel just how much you leaked through your shorts, as the damp fabric smeared against his leg, "just do it for me."

"Fuck baby," Suguru groaned unabashedly as you slowly tried to mimic all the videos you watched, rolling your body as for the first time you attempted to ride his thigh. "My girl is so wet," he sighed and you could feel hands find your hips and suddenly, that tingly feeling that you never seemed to keep, grew as Satoru angled you just right as Suguru tensed his thigh, taut muscles pleasing you perfectly as Satoru forced your clit to catch on every ridge and for once, a gasp, you've only ever heard other women spew through a screen, left your lips with ease, the sound you've been trying to bubble from yourself with your fingers, the sound at points you just tried to force out, the sound that never seemed to form naturally left your mouth as you sighed out in relief.

You had made a good decision.

"I can feel you through your pants pretty girl," Suguru praised, leg slightly bouncing causing that tiny little gasp to unwillingly fall past your lips again. It was so easy for them, so easy for them to make you feel so good as that fuzzy feeling that sparsely struck you as you rubbed your clit during the dead of night began to persist, but just like during your futile efforts, the mere touch wasn't enough, the short buzz of pleasure that shocked your clit wasn't enough.

"M-More," you mewl, leaning you chest into Suguru's as you pleaded, eyes wide as you begged, "need more, please," you whined and you could hear Satoru chuckle at your shameless display.

"Baby we're going to give you all you could ever want, gonna give you everything you deserve," he whispered into the shell of your ear, "you don't ever have to beg," he starts, "but that doesn't mean you shouldn't," a sharp pain blossomed against your ass and you yelped at the feeling.

He had spanked you, he had spanked you and it made you clench around air, bleary eyes turning to face him as he smirked so delectably, "my girl is so good for me, looking so pretty when she begs for things she's going to get no matter what," he hummed, "she's so polite," he cooed, halting your shifting hips to push you down forcefully onto Suguru's thigh, forcing your hips to grind tight little circles as his bruising hold controlled your movements and you couldn't keep back the little whine. 

"Aren't you a good girl, huh baby," Suguru murmured against your neck and you clenched your fists at the feeling of his lips mapping out new territory, the little peck he pressed beneath the junction of your jaw making you writhe as he explored your body, pressing chaste kisses as you threw your head back, relishing in the way he suckled at your skin.

"F-Fuck," you gasp, hesitant hands carefully tugging at the ends of his hair and the deep groan he let out only urged you further as you tangled your fingers into his luscious locks. You stared down at where he planted his face against your skin and you couldn't help the way your pussy gushed, "y-you look so pretty," you gasp, his tongue instantly soothing the skin he bit, running over it like a healing balm as he smirked up at you.

"Pretty," he hummed and you could feel the sensation travel up your neck, "I think you're prettier," he tuts before kissing again, leaving a little trail in his wake and you pinched your eyes shut at the compliment, the way your tummy flipped leaving you ashamed but left him prideful.

It felt odd to have hands loiter across your skin, lips roaming as you felt your cunt dampen. "What do you want us to do with you baby," Satoru murmured, forcing your hips to move in lewd directions and you couldn't help the way you threw your head back, leaning against his chest to stare at his all consuming blue eyes.

"W-Wanna feel good," you whimper, hands sliding to cup over where his rested on your hips.

"I know love," he chuckled as though it was obvious, "but how," he blew cold air against your ear, making you quiver against his chest, "want me to eat you out, have my tongue lick up all your juices while you leak for me, want to writhe against my mouth or,"he gasps enthusiastically, "do you want me to shove my long fingers into your pretty little pussy, do you wanna clench around me while I thrust into you huh," he breaths, filling your brain with dirty little fantasies, "want me to play with your cunt, want me to make you scream and cry on my fingers as I toy with your perfect folds," he cooed.

"Gonna fuck my fingers into you like you wanted to, gonna play with your clit like you tried to," he murmured, "gonna make up for all those frustrating nights baby," he hums and he humps you faster over Suguru's leg, "you want us to masturbate your little cunt for you, want us to put our fingers inside and make you feel good huh, want us to fuck your needy little pussy the way my pathetic girl's fingers couldn't," he continues and you can feel your walls clench, the idea of them ramming their fingers inside your cunt the way you spent countless nights trying to making your mouth water, "want us to put our fingers inside and find your g-spot, want us to fuck you and make you think it's our dicks," he says and you can feel yourself grow warm at the insinuation, "wanna pretend hmm," he coos and you shake your head.

"Wanna have you," you gasp and he tsks, gripping your chin to force you to look into his piercing blue eyes.

"You're gonna have to imagine it baby, gonna have to imagine until we train your pretty pussy enough, gotta stretch her out first before you can take us inside," he murmurs, "gonna fuck you over and over again until you are ready," and the thought of them taking you as much as they wanted had you seeing stars.

"Please," you whined, "Please, please, please," you started begging again, "want you, want you two so bad," you babbled.

"What do you want us to do," Satoru teased, stating it as though he hadn't already spewed all the filthy things he made you want into your ear.

"Want you t-to fuck m-me with your fingers," you gasp, "want you t-to make me feel good, wanna cum for you," and you barely even acknowledged the way Satoru stilled your hips, too caught up in your daydream to care as you continued, "wanna cum for you, please, want you to make me feel good."

"Awh," Suguru coos from beneath you, "isn't our baby so good at asking," he praises and you whimper, "let us take you to the bed okay," he murmurs and you don't even notice you are nodding.

"Yes please," you whine and quickly Suguru is standing up, hands resting beneath your ass as you folded your arms around his neck, cunt pressing against his torso as you clung to him, chest to chest. 

You could feel your heart thrum, anticipation growing as they guided you towards Satoru's room, gently laying you atop his plush mattress of the large bed he owned, perks of having the biggest room granted by paying the largest portion of rent, opting to pay 40% instead of the 30% you and Suguru covered individually.

Satoru couldn't keep the blood from rushing to his cock as he watched your breathtaking form splayed over his silk sheets. Your hair was dancing in whichever direction it pleased, your arms reaching out for them as you stared up at him and Suguru with such desire filled eyes it had him leaking pre-cum. Your body was painted beautifully, blue pajama shorts stained with a small dot slightly darker at the crotch, your top riding up your torso as your neck was decorated in tiny love bites left by Suguru.

Part of him couldn't believe that this was reality and not some hyper realistic fantasy as he watched you tug Suguru closer, arms still snaked around his neck as you pulled his lips to yours, bleary eyes shutting to focus on the feeling of your intermingling lips.

You stare at the two boys as they towered over you and you could feel an embarrassed flush grace your cheeks as you noticed the dark patch coating Suguru's thigh.

"Let's take these clothes off, yeah pretty girl," Suguru coos gently as he pulled a way, tugging at the hem of your pants and you could feel your breath catch in your throat as you gnawed on your lip, releasing it before you grinned slyly.

"Help me," you demanded, feeling the embarrassment that steeped through you finally wash away as you realized you had no need to be so nervous, after all you already have some dirty little secrets with them, what's a couple more, even if they were a lot more sexual, it's not like you'd let anyone else take your body in the way you permitted them. You lifted your hips off the bed, raising them dangerously close to his lowered head and the tantalizing smirk that crossed his lips made your heart beat just for him.

Swiftly you could feel cool air brush across your wet folds as he swiftly yanked down your shorts, pulling them past your ankles, that Satoru gingerly lifted one at a time, before tossing them somewhere out of view. You shuddered at the cold sticky feeling of your exposed panties, but despite your urge to pull your knees together to block their view, the hungry gaze in their eyes made you think otherwise.

"Wow," Satoru whistled, grabbing your leg as he pulled you closer to the edge of the bed and you yelped slightly at the force before he dropped to his knees, admiring the little gift between your thighs, "aren't you absolutely dripping," he mused, lithe fingers coming to tap the wet cotton, running through your prominent folds that your slick stuck tightly to the fabric.

"Our baby's so wet," Suguru commented, and you shuddered as Satoru ran his fingers over your folds, circling sweetly over your bud, finding it without even needing to see it, a very quiet and airy moan leaving your lips that had both boys sucking at their teeth, enamored. You quietly squirmed, hips shifting and Suguru couldn't keep his smile from growing, "are your panties uncomfortable," he cooed, lovestruck as he admired your little pout, his fingers toying with the waistband, running over the small little bow at the very front, "bet they are with how much you're leaking through them," and his hand slapped down, the wet clap as he smacked your pussy, a sharp sting that brought more pleasure than pain making your knees jerk, a slight whine leaving your lips, "can't believe you tried to run away and keep this from us," he murmured, massaging the entirety of your cunt with his palm, heel of it digging lightly into your clit before Satoru forced his hand away, eagerly pulling off the damp fabric and you were surprised when you heard them both groan and gasp in surprise.

"Filthy girl," Satoru mumbled, eyes shining with delight as he stared at the clear slick string that connected your dripping cunt to your underwear, the strand growing longer the further he rolled your panties down until finally it collapsed, falling onto the sheets beneath you.

You watched as mindlessly both boys dive for your arousal, Suguru leaning forward to lick up what dripped onto the sheets while Satoru lapped up what stained your underwear. Fuck, honestly part of you believed they'd merely finger you until you were satisfied but seeing their hooded eyes rake over your form with clear interest was much better, especially when they not only focused on you but each other.

Suguru leant down to the kneeling boy in front of him, tongue delving into Satoru's mouth, both boy's groaning at your lingering taste heavy on their tongues before they parted, panting before turning back to you with so much desire it had you squirming. "Look at our princess dripping onto the sheets," Suguru murmured, staring at your spread legs as he licked his lips.

"Makin such a mess," Satoru purred as Suguru sat on the mattress next to you, making Satoru do the same, crawling up to sit by your head as Suguru rested closer to your pelvis.

"Cryin so much down there," Suguru hums, mesmerized by your glistening folds, watching as your velvety walls throbbed, sobbing out for attention and he delivered, thumb running, parting your weeping lips, two fingers spreading you open and he stared inside your pretty, pillowy, cunt, watching as her slick caught light, shining as she soaked his fingers.

You couldn't hold back your helpless gasp as he gazed inside you, clearly enjoying the sight from the twinkle dancing behind his purple eyes. "Let me take this off too," Satoru requests, calling your attention back to him as he splayed his hand over your exposed stomach, your shirt riding up as his fingers barely grazed beneath the fabric, wanting more.

"B-but," you murmur, suddenly feeling a flush of shame overtake you and Satoru halts his greedy hands, reminding himself that he was here to pleasure your core not your chest despite his urges. He tried to collect himself and wanted to pull away, to run his hands lower but your tiny voice stopped him, "I-I'm not wearing a matching set," you mumble bashfully, saying it as though that was more embarrassing then having your naked bottom exposed to both of them, as though the very words were a sin itself, but the idea of you wearing mismatched undergarments sent a rush of blood to his already hardened dick, causing it to jump in place. The uncoordinated set meaning that you hadn't planned for this to happen, hadn't prepared or waited for the right day, hadn't approached them with pre-practiced lines, no, you had crawled to them with desperation, a need filling your tummy that you could no longer ignore as your helpless little fingers did little to please your body. The thought of you going to them as a last ditch effort after you failed yet again made him writhe, the filthy idea filling his brain as he reached for the small of your back, leaning you onto his knee before he pried the fabric from your chest with haste.

He watched as your boobs bounced out of the shirt before you landed on your back once more, jiggling in place. His mouth watered as he could see your tits spill from the cups of your bra, the garment clearly a size too small for your overflowing breasts but he could hear your voice in his ears, complaining about how bras were too damn expensive.

His fingers traced the rim, grazing your chest lightly as he hummed, does this mean your boobs are always suffocating, he wonders, isn't that uncomfortable, with a lick of his lips he released your tits, undoing the clasp of your bra to let them splay freely, tossing the clothing far off into his room as he stared at the light indents left on your shoulders from the straps, he'd have to take you to purchase new ones, he noted as you rested onto your back as he rolled one of your nipples between his fingers, the subtle moan you let out music to his ears as he watched you squirm, Suguru's gentle caresses to you core doing little to stimulate but a lot to tease, the dark haired man clearly reveling in you expressions.

"Satoru," it was gentle, a call of his names as he locked gazes with the man he observed, "open," he murmured, and soon enough his mouth was open and two thick fingers were placed onto his awaiting tongue, "get 'em nice and wet for our girl, yeah," he encouraged and Satoru found himself groaning, choking with the way Suguru fucked his hand into his mouth, forcing him to suckle onto his digits.

You watched in awe, the thin slips of saliva spilling from the corner of his mouth beginning to fall as Suguru placed a knee between your spread legs to lean close to Satoru, watching the way the boy sucked so obediently.

You couldn't help but wonder how he'd look bobbing on Suguru's dick, would he hollow out his cheeks, would tears sting his eyes, the images of videos you watched flashing in your brain as you replaced their faces with ones of his, the thought of Satoru in such a state sending a pang straight to your cunt.

Fuck.

Sure you had thought of them like that before, who wouldn't, your two best friends were undoubtedly hot but you never really focused on the idea that it could be real, that there would be a timeline where they'd not only caress each other but you too, but reality was smacking you in the face right now as you watched one of your best friends lewdly throat fuck the other with his fingers/

The delightful, 'pop,' as Satoru released the digits in his mouth had you gasping as you felt those very same digits caress you, smearing warm saliva over your dripping pussy, rolling around your clit, spreading your lips. "You ready," he cooed gingerly, fingers rubbing your folds, carefully preparing themselves and you swallowed, a strange fear taking over at the thought, but you nodded.

It was hesitant, barely dipping in and you felt one of Suguru's thick fingers slip inside, spreading you open, wider than one of your own fingers did, it had you panting for air. "Shh my love," Satoru was ready to comfort, hand cupping your face as the other gingerly groped your tits, trying to distract the slow burning that wiggled in your cunt as he carefully delved inside, barely even getting to the joint of his finger before you're hiccupping. 

"H-Hurts," you are gasping, "it hurts," and Satoru is pressing kisses to your skin, tracing his tongue on your neck as he pinched at your nipples, "Suguru," you sobbed and Satoru did his best to keep your focus on him as you cried.

"I know love," the dark haired man hummed, "just let me stay here like this for a moment, promise it'll feel good," and he pressed a chaste kiss to your lower belly, his tiny little groan as you clenched around his finger causing you to squeeze your eyes shut, trying to pinpoint your attention on Satoru's suckling lips, his tongue circling your nipple before he took the whole thing in his mouth, spreading his hot spit.

Suddenly you could feel his finger slip in further and further until he was knuckle deep, his keen eyes watching every one of your expressions as you writhed, trying to accommodate him, "atta girl, spreading so nicely for me," he whispers into your whimpering lips, pressing a gentle kiss as your tears returned, "just keep breathing for me kay," and he starts thrusting, slow languid push and pull as you sobbed, clutching tightly onto Satoru, it felt a lot different from when you did it, a lot more vulnerable as he drank in your naked form, gently caressing your insides with tender touches, quiet praises spilling into your ears as he asked you to trust him, feeling as soon enough the burning subsided and all that was left was the feeling of him plunging into your slippery cunt as his other hand toyed with your clit, making you even wetter.

"So good," Satoru murmured with a mouthful of boob, suckling as he painted the dips between your chest with purple splotches and bite marks, "doing so good for Suguru," he flattered, listening to your hitching breaths as your chest rose and fell beneath his mouth until suddenly you let out a sharp moan, an erotic ah, that even seemed to take you by surprised falling past your kiss bitten lips and Suguru is quick to soothe.

"There it is," he coos, fingers finding a sloth like pace to help you adjust, ramming against his newfound discovery, your g-spot.

"S-Sugu," you whine, hips rising as you tried to pry yourself from his hold, "i-it feels," you gasp and you felt as though you were seeing stars as he shoved inside of you, pressing against a particular spot that had you moaning, whimpering little songs that you never made spill from your own mouth before.

"I know baby, feels good right," and your eyes are dewy as he slips inside easily, your cunt flooding.

"m-mhm," you mumble, "b-but," you fist the fabric of Satoru's top that you wished he'd just take off already, "s'too much, too much," and Suguru hums in understanding but not letting up.

"Just bear with it pretty girl, gonna feel good, gonna feel so good," and you could feel that tingling sensation expand , your lower belly beginning to grow fuzzy as your brain muddled.

Satoru could watch this all day, your moans that began to increase in volume every passing second, rumbling against his face as he lay smushed between your breasts, Suguru hushing out praises, his dark hair falling from its bun as he set a tame pace, careful not to put you into too much pain as he pushed you towards your undeniable climax, "gonna add one more," and the face you make had the boy reaching a greedy hand to his pants, stroking his hardened dick to try and appease the tent growing in his boxers before focusing every ounce of concentration he had onto you.

Your lips fall into a perfect little 'o' as you stretched unbelievably wider, if you thought having two digits inside your cunt hurt when you attempted it inside your bed, it burned when Suguru pushed another in, filling you to your limit as you sobbed, tears cascading down your cheeks as the continuous appreciative comments did little to calm you, your hips rolling as his dexterous hands played with your sloppy pussy better than you ever had.

"Sug-ngh," you mewl, "c-can't y-you're gonna break me-oh fuck," and your back is arching, finally understanding why all those women had shifted so much as they got pushed to the brink, your fingers tight in Satoru's hair before he gingerly takes one in his hand, carefully interlocking your fingers as he squeezed, attempting to pacify you just a little.

"You can take it," the man murmured pushing both digits deep inside you could feel him in your guts, "your pussy is beggin for more," he kissed your clit, tongue lapping at the bud and you were screaming, your vision grew cloudy as that burning turned to red hot satisfaction, your thighs beginning to tremble as he rammed into you, his pace picking up from snail slow to a little more medium but that speed was still foreign to you, your hands never even daring to go the same rate he did but you could see now this is why your could never pleasure yourself.

An electric pulse thrummed beneath your sweating skin and you felt as though you were no longer tethered to your body, erotic ah, ah, ah's,  leaving your lips as you could hear the dirty, squelch, of your cunt as your limbs slowly melted into shivering messes, "there you go" Satoru is comforting, tweaking your hickey marred tits with practiced precision, it had your tongue lolling out.

You could feel yourself gushing, writhing and clenching all at once as Suguru fucked into you, tender hands exploring your body as he also did a little rearranging in your warm contracting tummy. You could feel lights flicker on, arousal flipping the switch and you tried to shut your legs to force him to slow but much to your dismay you provided no hindrance in his pace, not even a hiccup in his thrusts as he leaned over you, your thighs shaking as the lewd, "pap pap pap," of his plunging hand meeting jiggling skin echoed out into the stifling room.

"C-Cum-" you start to gasp, "m-m gonna," you stammer, "c-cumming," you hiccup trembling hips bucking as you felt that knot constrict in your belly, your nerves jittering in delight as the overwhelming pleasure consumed you in raw ecstasy.

"Let go for us baby," Suguru encouraged, eyes stuck on yours as he watched the little lewd faces you made, Satoru thoroughly enjoying the show as well, your shaking tits bouncing with every thrust.

And suddenly you felt a snap and all of a sudden you were spilling, blood rushing through your ears as he delivered the final push that had you tumbling down the edge, into their awaiting arms, your quivering limbs spasming as you moaned shamelessly, "ngh, I- oh", heat bursted to every last corner of your sweat soaked body as shockwaves rippled out from your gushing cunt.

Hot mouths seared any skin they could reach, fingers slowing as he helped your rolling hips ride out your orgasm, crashing waves filtering your pleasure as they cooed, "that's it love, there you go," Suguru praised, thumb swiping against your absolutely sobbing clit as it spilled out every drop you had.

"doing so good," Satoru murmured, cupping your face as your clouded vision lost focus, mind wandering into pure bliss as you fell into your pleasure, swimming in the growing ecstasy as you mewled, hips stuttering as your high began to lower but their actions never ceased, showering you with comforting kisses and tender words, every last bit of love they gave you spilling from your cunt as she dribbled over the sheets, your stuttering hips rolling for the final time against Suguru's warm palm as you came back to the ground, your out of body experience finally reeling you back in as sweaty and warm you let out your final sultry high pitched moan, breathing coming in gasps as your arching back finally flattened and all the was left was their soothing hands.

"Did so well pretty thing," Suguru murmured as he carefully pulled out his fingers one at a time, watching as you writhed and whined at the feeling of slowly being unstuffed, and as he left your empty tears welled, "did you feel good," he hummed against your tear stained cheeks as Satoru pulled you into his arms, wrapping you in a comforting embrace as you sniffled before staring at his slick soaked arm, your essence spilling from his fingers down to his elbow and he grinned, suckling at his digits with a groan, "my baby tastes so good," he whispers into your hair as Satoru positioned you further up the bed, resting your lust filled brain against his pillows, before carefully coddling your in his arms, spooning you as his arms wrapped around your waist, holding you post-orgasmic form in his hold.

Soon enough a hand is tapping his cheek and the boy is turning his head, tongue lolling out as Suguru wipes your nectar off into the boy's awaiting mouth, saliva taking it's place as he cleans his forearm, the little content hums spilling from Satoru's lips, vibrating against your head as he lapped up the rest of your lingering juices. 

You don't remember much after that, fuzzy brain barely picking up on bleary images as you could faintly recall laying on a plush mattress, listening to faint whimpers and groans along with choked out whines as you watch heads bob upon hardened cocks as fingers stroked stiff lengths. You could remember tasting something salty as lips met yours before you were being placed in warm waters with lavender smelling soaps. You remember whining as they try to pull you into a bra and feeling cold water slipping down your throat before your tired eyes shut, wrapped in comforting arms.

You woke up sore, eyes sore, hands sore, neck sore, tits sore, thighs sore and you cunt was definitely sore, everything ached in a strangely delightful way as the heavy duvet draped over your frame paired with even heavier arms.

You could hear the sounds of their conversation, chests rumbling with words and as you burrowed closer to one body the sounds stilled, "are you awake baby," it was Suguru, his hand coming up to brush the hair that stuck to your cheek and you only mumbled incoherently, absorbing all the warmth they offered you as Satoru chuckled from behind you.

"Did you feel good," he teased, hands pinching at your hips.

"mhm," you hummed before peeking open your eyes, room dim as the closed curtains blocked out any light and suddenly you realize instead of Satoru's room you are in Suguru's, "it hurts," you murmured into the fabric covering Suguru's broad chest and his hand is reaching down to cup your ass, patting it and you quickly find out that you are dressed in only panties and a large t-shirt that definitely did not belong to you.

"A lot," Satoru questions into the shell of your ear, hands snaking up to grope at your boobs and you soon also figure out that you weren't wearing a bra beneath the baggy top.

"No," you mumble, "just achy," you sigh.

"So how was your first orgasm, hmm," the white haired boy continued, lips peppering a light kiss to your neck and you hissed at the feeling of him pressing down on what you assumed to be a bruise or hickey of some kind. 

"Nice," you yawn, "you should do that for me all the time," you grin jokingly before he bites down a little harder on your neck and their hands squeeze you a little tighter.

"Sure," Suguru is humming, "as long as you don't go to anyone else," and it sends a strange fluttering in your belly at the thought that they'd be willing to help you out.

"Well I told ya I'd fuck you like this until you could take my dick," and at Satoru's words you could feel your face warming.

"Until then I'll just use my hand for you then I guess," you sigh, feeling the boy jolt behind you before he laughed.

"Oh really I look forward to it then." 

It's only a couple weeks after when Satoru finally got to experience the moments he waited for.

"If I lick it will it feel good," you ask, staring up at the blue eyed boy between your lashes, hand running up and down his shaft as a gentle palm assisted you in your first ever handjob.

"There you go baby, just like that," and Suguru's sultry voice is against your ear, his body pinning you between the couch where spread legs lie, hard dick standing tall in front of you as he guided your hand up and down the stiffened cock.

"Fuck," Satoru hissed as Suguru squeezed your joined fists tight, your hand was covered by Suguru as he showed you how to make the white haired boy feel good before gasping out, "yes pretty girl," his chiseled chest heaving, "if you lick- ngh it I'll feel goo- oh fuck," and your tongue is already out, kitten licking the droplets of pre-cum that beaded at the tip.

"Good girl," the dark haired man praised, "making our Satoru feel so nice," and you continued with your mouth, tasting the salty liquid as you hand slid up and down his length before Suguru is letting go, leaving you to take care of the boy on your own. "If you suck on his tip he'll moan really pretty for you," the boy added before your intrusive eyes are on him.

"How would you know," you question and you are quick to realize, "you've done this before haven't you," you gasp and he grins. 

"I really thought you've heard us before," and he's smacking your ass making you yelp, so that's what all those groans were, you finally concluded as you leaned forward on Satoru's dick, suckling on his head and just like you were told a high pitched breathy moan broke past his lips as he threw his head back.

You knew they had done it once before because you remember a blurry memory of watching them after they finger fucked you for the first time, but you never really connected the dots that they might've done it before then too.

"You really are oblivious sometimes huh," Suguru's humming, his fingers toying with the waistband of your pants as you slobbered all over Satoru's shaft.

"Nuh uh," you mumbled before licking a long stripe up his throbbing cock, following a ridge of one of the veins that painted his oh so pretty dick, causing the boy to mewl.

"Such a liar," Suguru sighed, yanking down your pants much to your surprise, taking your panties with them in one swoop, as he used one of his arms to lift you up off the wooden planked floors as he forced the fabric away from your skin.

"Suguru," you gasp, swatting at his hands that gripped your waist.

"Relax princess," he merely cooed, "you focus on our pretty little boy yeah, don't mind me," you could only really heed his words as you couldn't pry off his greedy grip, not that you really wanted to anyways as you opened your mouth, slipping yourself down Satoru's spit soaked cock.

"Ah- fucking hell pretty," he bucked his hips, making you choke lightly as you press both your hands onto his thighs, trying to keep him still as you did your best to please him like you had once blearily watched Suguru do.

Speaking of Suguru you couldn't really feel much after he practically stole off your lower garments, just some shuffling and light touches but quickly that changed as between your thighs you felt something warm and slippery prod at your hole, making you force yourself off Satoru with a gasp.

Your gaze shifts downward only to find tantalizing purple eyes staring up at you between your thighs, "I told you to focus on Satoru," he chastised smacking the flesh of your ass once more, jiggling the cheek between his hands before he slithered his tongue out to lick at your folds once more, "I'll take care of your little mess, yeah," he winks before calling up to the boy you continued to stroke, "Toru, you should really see how wet you're making her," he exclaims and you could feel your face flush when his hands grab at your thighs, forcing your weight onto his face, "don't try and fight me," he murmurs the moment he feels you try and squirm back to your knees and you find yourself listening, quietly taking a seat on his face as you leaned forward, trying to ignore the sensation between your legs as you angled the springing cock in front of you downwards, opening your mouth wide as you did your best to loosen your throat, attempting to accommodate his frustratingly long member.

You could feel his fingers tangle in your hair as you slowly bobbed your head, feeling a tongue prod at your entrance and you couldn't help the way you rolled your hips, relishing in the groan that rumbled against your clit.

You watched as love drunk eyes stared at you mesmerized, open mouth letting out whines as you slid as far as you could go, taking him in and out as you rubbed whatever you couldn't reach, a silent promise in your gaze that'd you learned to swallow all of him but despite your inability he still seemed quite satisfied with the way moans left his pretty pink lips, but part of you was feeling bad, upset with not being able to take him in all his entirety and gently you slipped off, letting a glob of spittle run down his length as you fisted tightly.

"Let go of my hair Toru," you murmur and he whined out, "please just wanna make you feel better," you coo, moving your hand tightly as you tried your best to keep from moaning, your weeping core pooling in Suguru's mouth as he lapped you up in earnest, gliding between your folds as he sucked upon your clit, making sparks fluster up your thighs.

It felt weird to be eaten out, the feeling of his tongue unusual but not unwelcome, after all today was one full of unexplored territory as you gave Satoru your very first hand and blow job, but you wanted to give him more, not satisfied with the way your mouth could barely take him half way. "C'mon Toru," you plead, feeling your legs squeeze as Suguru's teeth lightly nicked against your clit, the stinging pain pleasurable.

Soon enough you felt reluctant hands untangle from your hair and you smile up at the boy, the very sight of him making you wet as his dewy eyes glowed for you, eying you with hunger as his pink lips grew swollen as he bit down, his sweaty face and disheveled hair still somehow beautiful, "my little angel," you whisper in praise, "gonna make you feel nice," you promise yet again, carefully taking your hand off his dick despite his loud protests, tears welling in his eyes.

"Don't go," he whimpered, trying to cup your face and you press a gentle kiss to his palm before leaning back.

"M'not going anywhere," you murmured, tapping his knee, "just wait a moment for me yeah pretty boy," you sigh out, doing your best not to succumb to your own pleasure as Suguru squirmed his tongue inside of you. You could feel their gazes burning against your skin, one pleading while the other drank up all your reactions and you forced yourself to ignore it, reaching for the hem of your shirt before swiftly yanking it off, revealing the pretty little bra Satoru had bought you, one of many that actually fit you perfectly.

"Come a little closer baby," you call for Satoru, his legs instantly moving as he sat at the very edge of the couch, and you smiled in appreciation, "good boy," you whisper, the words feeling dirty off your tongue but you say them anyways, enjoying the way his breath hitched at your words, "sit still for- ngh," you moan, head leaning against his thigh as fingers slowly pistoned in and out of your dripping cunt, lips wrapping around your clit, "still for me," you continue, lifting your head with a gasp, your hips wiggling to try and disrupt his steadily growing pace to no avail.

Satoru could only nod for you, his cock throbbing as his head leaked, begging for attention and you were eager to provide it as you lifted your tits, leaving them captured in your bra as you slipped him through your cleavage, pushing him all the way through, watching as he poked out through the top and you brought your hands up to the sides of your breasts, rubbing them over his length.

"Fuck baby, oh my god," he cried, bare chest heaving as he stared down at you, pretty boobs enveloping his dick and he bucked in your hold as he watched the blob of spit drip from your mouth and slide right into the crease of your chest before you start licking his tip, suckling as you began to bob your head, his hands instantly finding their way back into your hair, his thighs spasming with every particularly good swirl of your tongue.

The lewd shlick, shlick, shlick, of your mouth sliding in synch with the dripping squelching of your cunt as he delved into your arousal, drinking it up as though you were spewing wine, sinful

"S-So good for me, so fucking good for me," Satoru praised between gasps, "tits squeezing me so tight, feel so good, your mouth is so warm making me feel so good," he whimpered in repeat, "look so hot like this," he groaned and you could feel the hands threaded between your locks begin to push on your scalp, forcing you down and you didn't put up a fight, complying to his whims as the teary eyed boy whimpered out compliments.

Both his hands tangle between your hair, holding you by the sides of your head before he's forcing you down onto his dick, causing you to choke as he pushed you down deeper than before but he only mumbled a slurred out half-assed apology before doing it again, a sting of tears pricking at the corner of your eyes as you began to gag on his absurdly long dick as he planted his feet to the floor, thighs hitting the underside of your breast as he fucked into your throat, fuckin it as if it was your wet cunt, saliva mixing with his pre as it dripped onto your chest. The slight discomfort you felt was nothing compared to the heavenly sight of watching him chase his high, lips begging and pleading as he shook his hips, forcing wet sounds from your mouth.

"Ah fuck baby, so good for me you mouth and pretty tits- oh hell, ngh, feel so good," he praised his pace cruel as he continued. The sounds were sinful as not only did you loudly choke but the ungodly slurps emanating up from your cunt had you dripping even more, feeling that now familiar sensation of a tightening knot grow and soon enough you were bucking your own hips over Suguru's mouth, hips matching the same pace Satoru set for your mouth as you rode his face, taking no shame in your actions as you felt your tits tremble.

"Mm- oh- ngh baby m'gonna," he whimpered, "gonna cum, gonna cum," he warned, eyes wide and his hips stuttered, his balls clenching as you massaged every last drop from them, feeling hot spurts trickle down your throat, his body bucking and you only hummed, drinking his cum until it no longer spilled.

You come off with a pop, his heaving chest a sight to see and you plant your hands on his knees, sliding your breasts off and he grinned down at you, bleary eyes staring at you in pure bliss as he watched you now bask in your pleasure, fingers interlacing with his as you felt your own knot snap, lower belly warming as you began to gush into Suguru's groaning mouth, his lips suckling tightly as he drank you up.

From there on out your dirty little secret grew even more filthy as now at least once a week, one of the two boys had their fingers knuckle deep in your cunt while the other toyed with some other part of your body. It didn't matter the position, sometimes you were standing in the genkan, legs spread as you leaned against the wall for support, moans muffled by lips and fingers pounded into your sloppy pussy mere seconds after you walked through the door. Oral was also up on the table, dicks slipping into your mouth as you learned to suck one and stroke the other, sometimes even licking both their heads at the same time as they touched tips. At times you all pleasured each other, no one left out as fingers rammed deep into your guts as you slobbered over one cock while one of the men slobbered over the remaining

They began to grow more risky too, finding pleasure in the way you did your best to muffle your gasp as instead of sneaking kisses in the bathroom of his estate you were hiding your dripping cunt stuffed full of their fingers. You had on more than one occasion been pulled into a bathroom at a house party and found yourself on your knees in front of a hardened dick and you have had on more than one occasion have had a dick in your mouth under a cloth covered table at a restaurant surrounded by your friends while you humped their leg.

It was strange, the way the three of you found yourselves in a more sexually explicit relationship but you didn't really categorize it as friends with benefits because it wasn't just smutty intimacy but also romantic, as they spent hours after the fact cleaning you up, making sure you were fed, falling asleep with you bundled in their arms, even if you didn't please each other sexually that night.

It was strange, truly so, but you found yourself falling in a routine with them, pleasing them in whichever way they needed, whether it was a hug, a kiss, or their fingers inside you, or your mouth on them. If they needed emotional support, comfortable affection of filthy affection you gave it to them both, no questions asked, and they did the same.

It was then, after a few months they spent thoroughly stretching your pussy, before they even dared to answer one of your dirtiest little questions.

"What would it feel like if you fucked me" 

[motomamita]

old!moviedirector!könig × actress!reader

warnings: +18, smut, manipulation, abuse of power, sex on camera, no condom, age difference.

Imagine old!moviedirector!König who loves being part of the casting for each of his successful films. He is not only known for his success but also for how perverted he becomes with his actresses.

This time, his next film has as its protagonist a woman who is everything that is known as a femme fatale. Obviously, König was not going to miss the auditions to find his ideal leading lady.

Several girls passed by and tried their best to try to leave a good impression on König and his assistants, but none of them succeeded. Then you arrived. You look totally innocent and naive despite having done everything necessary to look like the main character. You were wearing a tight dress, red lips, and eyeliner that highlighted your look.

König quickly put your presentation folder aside, putting it away next to his belongings. You had no experience in acting and much less idea of ​​how film productions were handled. That's why you didn't find it strange when König called you on your phone and invited you to his house to chat about your audition.

You arrived dressed as the main character because König requested it. He welcomed you into his luxurious home and you shared a couple of drinks. You talked about your life and your desire to act in Hollywood while König only paid attention to your breasts that protruded from the tight dress. Soon he invited you to sit on the couch to talk more comfortably about what he expected of you.

"You know... When you came in for the audition you totally blew me away." König began speaking, your heart racing at his words.

"Thank you. I really want the role of the protagonist, I have worked hard." You explained excitedly, watching as he put his glass aside.

"Yeah? But I have to tell you that I'm not entirely sure you're going to get it..." your worried look forced him to continue talking. "It's a very risky character and I need a girl who is really willing to give it her all."

"Please, sir..." you interrupted him, moving a few centimeters closer to him. "I feel capable of achieving it, I can give everything and more..." you also assured, leaving your glass aside.

König looked at your face and couldn't help but smile at your need, it excited him to know the power he had over you. He slowly placed his hand on your bare thigh, caressing your skin with his rough hand.

"I need you to prove it. I need you to show me that you are capable of anything for the role." He spoke softly, moving his hand up a little towards your center. "Look, there are risque scenes in the movie..."

"I will do it, I will do whatever it takes." You nodded your head, sure of yourself.

"Show it to me. Show me that you're not afraid to suck a good cock on camera." He quickly took out his home video camera and turned it on, recording your face in the foreground.

You hesitated for a few seconds at his direct request but in the end you agreed. You kneel in front of him and König opened his legs giving you access between them, he wanted you to open his pants. Determined, you went to his zipper and soon noticed the hard erection it hid. His cock was thick, uncut and precum glistened at the tip.

"Come on, darling, win the lead role." He encouraged you by pointing his camera at your face and at his cock that was centimeters away.

You started by giving him a few kitten licks while jerking off his cock. König moaned loudly and stretched out even further on the large sofa, enjoying your wet tongue. You soon took him into your mouth, breathing through your nose and trying your best to make him feel good. König brought one of his free hands to the back of your head, forcing you down to the base of his cock.

"Come on, take it all in your mouth.. What a good girl.." he encouraged you as you noticed how your throat squeezed his cock.

When you felt like you were about to faint, König grabbed your hair and pulled you away from him. Your saliva was dripping down your chin and your breathing was labored. König laughed lightly at seeing you like that and made sure he had filmed your expression.

"Enough, now lie down."

You obeyed and lay down on the large sofa. König finished taking off his pants and then focused his attention on you.

"Look at what a beauty.." he commented, bringing one of his hands to your chest, massaging it over the fabric of your dress. "Show me those tits, come on!"

You obeyed and left your breasts exposed for the camera and for König, of course. He brought his hands to you again and caressed your breasts, pinching your nipples making you moan.

"Let me see what you're hiding here.." Now he record your pussy covered by small panties that showed how wet you were. Without waiting for orders you took them off, showing your wet pussy. "This pussy is the pussy of the next Oscar winner."

König massaged your clit with his thumb making you moan at the sensation of his touch. Then, he slowly inserted his index finger into your pussy, pumping it and listening to the dirty sounds due to your wetness.

"You want this job, huh? You're going to let me fuck this pussy?" The camera came to your face, recording your expression and how you nodded your head. "Let me hear you, use your words.."

"I want you to fuck me, please, fuck me!" you begged, hugging him around the waist with your legs.

König placed the camera in a position where only you were in the image. He spit in his hand and masturbated, looking at you with total desire, he was finally going to fulfill his fantasy.

"This is going to hurt a little.." he murmured placing his cock at the entrance of your pussy. Slowly he entered inside you, feeling how your wet walls received his thick cock. "Shit, you're so tight.."

You placed your hands on his shoulders and bit your lip trying to cope with the pain between your legs. When König was inside you, he moved slowly while massaging your clit. You moaned his name loudly and dug your nails into his shoulders, turning him on even more.

"Do you like it? Uh? Fucking your boss to get the lead character?" He asked, bringing his mouth to your ear and sucking on some of your sensitive skin there.

"Yes! I love it, fuck me harder!" You moaned, hugging him even more with your legs and feeling how his cock moved against you.

König obeyed you and increased the speed of his thrusts, hitting his skin hard against your pussy. Your moans increased in volume and you hugged him even tighter, feeling his balls slap against your ass.

"Fuck, baby. I'm going to cum, I'm going to cum!" König moan and, without stopping moving, grabbed the camera again and pointed it at you. "Show me, show me that beautiful face while I cum inside you!"

You made your face look more pleased and you let yourself be carried away by his hard thrusts. Soon, König came in front of you, filling you with his thick, hot liquid.

After a few weeks, you received a call from him. You had earned the role.

[cactus-cuddler]

｡☆✼★━━━━𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐰𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐚𝐝━━━━━━━

Natasha Romanoff

x !female reader

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

Word count: 1444

Plot: You have been engaged to Natasha Romanoff since your penultimate year of high school and you will get married in a few months. You have only one regret in your entire relationship: not going to the prom because you were afraid to show yourself to the world for who you are.

Genre: romance, fluff

Author Note: English is not my first language so please excuse any grammatical errors/horrors. If you like it let me know and if you have any requests just write to me!

It is a cold and rainy day. You’re in your bed with your girlfriend, Natasha Romanoff, watching your favorite film for the thousandth time. Lying next to each other, she hugs you from behind, gently stroking your head. The warmth of the blankets and the comforting embrace of Natasha from behind make you feel safe and loved. You and Natasha have been engaged since the penultimate year of high school, and now, in a few months, you will be married. You can't wait. The thought of spending your life with Natasha fills you with anticipation and joy, even on dreary days like this.

Just being with Natasha can turn a rough day into a sunny one. The movie, about teenagers having their love story, ends with the prom where the protagonists are crowned “King and Queen of the party.” It reminds you of when you were that age and didn’t attend the prom with your girlfriend because you were afraid. You hadn’t come out yet, and the thought of not being able to kiss or dance with your girlfriend made you decide not to go. This is one of your biggest regrets, you would have liked to be more courageous but you wanted to deprive yourself and your girlfriend of a magical moment.

You look sad, wishing you could have lived that teenage love without hiding. Natasha notices and asks, "is there something wrong?” you just say “no,” shaking your head. What’s important now is that you have the love of your life here with you. She’s not convinced, but she doesn’t insist. She leaves a kiss on your forehead and holds you tighter.

��·:*:·ﾟ★,。·:*:·ﾟ☆。·:*:·ﾟ★,。·:*:·ﾟ☆

You fall asleep before the movie finishes, and Natasha wakes you up.

"Wake up, sleepyhead," Natasha teases, gently tickling your nose to rouse you from your slumber. You blink groggily, your eyes meeting hers.

"Good morning, pirozhóchek,” she says, and you melt. This nickname means “little cake.” She loves cake, and she loves you, so you’re her little cake. “Good morning, darling,” you say rubbing your eyes.

“Today we’re going shopping!” she announces.

“You hate shopping,” you remind her.

“I know, but there’s a special dinner with my team, and someone told me I can’t go in my uniform,” she says with a smile. You recognize the hint (you are that someone) and agree to go shopping with her.

After breakfast, you get dressed and head out. Walking hand-in-hand through your little town, you feel at ease knowing everyone now knows about your relationship. The sky is clear, and the sun is shining. You insisted on walking instead of taking the car so you could enjoy the beautiful day, look at shop windows, watch children playing, and pet some stray kittens.

There is a small store that sells pretty dresses at good prices. The shop is charming, decorated with plants and flowers that fill the air with a lovely scent. Natasha gives you free rein to choose a dress for her, and you’re excited. You’ve never seen her in a pretty dress since you met. You carefully look at the dresses, searching for the one that makes you think, “This is the dress for her.” Natasha walks close by hands in her pockets. When she sees some guys looking at you, she takes your hand to make it clear that you’re hers. You smile at her every time.

“Do I have such an ugly body that there's nothing that would fit me?” she asks, tired. “You have the opposite problem. You’re too beautiful, and no dress would do you justice,” you reply determined to find the perfect dress. Your eyes land on THE dress. It’s perfect for her. It stands out from the others, its design and color scheme seeming tailor-made for Natasha's unique beauty.

“I won’t wear that,” she protests, but you don’t listen. You take her hand and lead her to the dressing rooms. When she comes out, you can only say, “Wow.” She’s gorgeous.

“You’re beautiful,” you say in a faint voice. “I can’t go around dressed like this. I look like a princess who needs to be saved, and I’m the one who saves others” she says. You approach her, making your noses touch.

“For once, you will be my princess,” you tell her, and she smiles at you. You share a small kiss on the lips, and she goes to change and pay for the dress.

"For you, anything," she murmurs, her voice barely above a whisper.

。·:*:·ﾟ★,。·:*:·ﾟ☆。·:*:·ﾟ★,。·:*:·ﾟ☆

After lunch, she says she has to work, leaving you alone at home. Sundays are usually your days together, the only day you don’t have to work. It makes you sad, but you know Natasha’s work is important. You decide to put on your favorite music and eat your favorite ice cream to keep your Sunday happy and lazy. Someone knocks at the door. You hope it’s Natasha, even though you know it’s impossible. There’s a package in front of the door, addressed to you. You haven’t ordered anything online, and Natasha didn’t mention it, but curiosity gets the better of you, and you open it. Inside, you find a golden letter and a dress. Not just any dress, but the one you would have worn to the prom years ago. The only person who knows about that dress is Natasha. Your smile can’t be any bigger. You open the letter and find a prom invitation:

“For students who attended this school year, you are all invited to participate in the prom.”

At first, you think it must be a joke or a mistake, but the second piece of paper in the envelope reveals you have the best girlfriend in the world: “Thank you for coming to prom with me. I’ll pick you up tonight at 7:00.” It’s only two hours till 7:00, and you’re a mess! If only she had told you earlier.

You’ve never prepared so quickly before. When the doorbell finally rings, you're putting the finishing touches on your ensemble, a nervous excitement bubbling within you. With a deep breath, you open the door to find Natasha standing before you, radiant in the dress you had chosen together, a single red rose in her hand.

“Such a beautiful lady,” she says, handing you the flower. She offers you her hand, and you take it. Together, you head to her car, where she plays the songs you used to listen to in high school, bringing back fond memories.

“Where are we going?” you ask, noticing the unfamiliar route.

“It’s a surprise,” she replies, and you hum along to the songs. She parks in front of a beautiful park and blindfolds you, carefully leading you inside. When she lets you see, you’re in the middle of a meadow, surrounded by balloons, speakers, and a stage. Just the two of you.

The sky paints a stunning backdrop with shades of yellow, orange, and purple, and the dim sunlight adds a romantic touch to your little corner of the world.

“I know it’s not the same because there’s no one else, but I wanted you to be able to dance at your prom too,” she says, starting the music with a remote control. “Will you allow me this dance?” You hug and kiss her passionately before starting to dance to the notes of “My Love Mine All Mine.” She gently caresses your back while you dance, and you hold her tight as if nothing could ever separate you. After the dance, she goes on stage and pulls out a crown and a microphone from a box you hadn’t noticed.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like your attention,” she says, looking straight into your eyes.

“It’s time to name the king or queen of the ball.” She pauses for dramatic effect, then announces, “The queen is you,” inviting you on stage to crown you. You share a kiss that leaves you breathless, stopping occasionally to look at each other and smile.

“Anyway, I was tempted to give the crown to that squirrel,” she whispers pointing to a squirrel that was in a tree near you making you laugh.

“You’re still in time,” you tease, and Natasha laughs.

“I think it’s the best prom I’ve ever attended. Thank you so much, sweetheart. I love you.”

“I love you too, pirozhóchek.” The wind gently caresses your hair as you continue to dance, this time on the stage, the clinking of your heels accompanying the music. Time passes, but you don’t notice it. Your bodies are touching, your hands intertwined, and your love uniting you is all you need at this moment.

[filmperidot]

My Favorite Coming of Age Movies

10 Things I Hate About You (1999)- One of the only rom-coms out there that I don’t feel guilty about loving. Its also one of the only rom-coms that I find laugh out loud funny, and where I genuinely really like both the protagonist and the love interest (I feel like at least one of them typically annoys me).

Booksmart (2019)- Great characters, and a fun new version of a pretty classic plot. It’s extremely funny, and highly enjoyable.

Easy A (2010)- Honestly one of my all time favorite comedies. Emma Stone is an absolute icon, and Stanley Tucci and Patricia Clarkson play the best parents known to cinema.

Eighth Grade (2018)- My god is this movie painful to watch. Prepare to cringe the whole way through, but it’s also quite sweet, and easily the most accurate depiction of middle school I’ve ever seen.

Lady Bird (2017)- The hype is real for this one. Saorise Ronan is amazing. It makes you laugh, tugs at your heartstrings, and does an incredible job depicting the high school experience.

Moonrise Kingdom (2012)- I love Wes Anderson’s style. If you generally aren’t a fan of his work, you won’t be a fan of this one either. But if you’re a fan of his cinematography, campiness, and awkward humor, this one’s for you. It’s a great summer movie.

Stand By Me (1986)- What a classic. It’s nostalgic, poignant, and funny. For me, this is a movie that defines the genre.

The Edge of Seventeen (2016)- Hailee Steinfeld and Woody Harrelson made a hilarious duo. Similar to the other movies on this list, it’s funny, relatable, and slightly heartbreaking in just the right way.

The Kings of Summer (2013)- This ones an underrated gem. It’s a bit of an acquired taste, but overall it’s a great experience. The atmosphere is amazing, and it’ll bring you back to your childhood summers.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012)- God I love this movie. It’s incredibly heartbreaking, and the acting is great (especially from Logan Lerman)! Yes I cry every single time, no not at the part you’d think.

[fahye]

book recs sept/oct 2023

THE SPEAR CUTS THROUGH WATER by simon jiminez -- I have no idea how to describe this. best book I've read in a year. absolutely gutting and beautiful and intricately put-together fantasy about two young men escorting an escaped god-empress on a pilgrimage to bring down an empire. but actually it's so much more intimate than that. please please please read this book, it deserves the world. yes it's gay.

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO by jessica dettmann -- an aussie romcom tailored specifically to me, someone who imprinted on the kenneth branagh much ado about nothing movie. very meta and genre aware, lively and touching, a heap of fun.

LOOKING GLASS SOUND by catriona ward -- also very meta! it's uhhh about a bisexual disaster teen's coming-of-age summer, and also about the decades-later fight over who gets to control the narrative of that summer. and hauntings. and serial killers. every single one of ward's books is its own unique thing and a wonder to behold.

THE NOBLEMAN'S GUIDE TO SEDUCING A SCOUNDREL by kj charles -- if i haven't made you read any kjc books by now then what are we doing here. I don't know how she keeps getting better and better and better. this one is another slippery liar/stubbornly goodhearted but bad-tempered lord pairing. I adored every word.

NOT HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS by jodi mcalister (ARC) -- 3rd book in her series set on a bachelor-like tv show, and my hands-down favourite. friends to lovers but also make it schemer 4 schemer!! I would die for this ruthless tv villain and her sleep deprived gremlin producer and their intense, searing, incredible romance entirely free of conventional moral compasses.

THE HOLLOW PLACES by t. kingfisher -- how are her books both so hilarious and so wildly, skin-crawlingly unsettling?? I think it's because of how relatable the protagonist is. I would react EXACTLY like kara if I found an eerie alternate dimension nexus made of willow trees in the walls of my uncle's weird museum. superb and very readable horror.

THE GILDED CROWN by marianne gordon (ARC) -- fantasy with a sapphic romance between a death-witch and the assassinated princess she was hired to raise from the dead. yes you're right that DOES sound amazing. the writing is assured and smooth and propulsive; if you like stories with a heightened mythic/fairytale feel, you'll love this.

[oh-koenig-my-koenig]

merrily we fall out of line

(over-)protective!bestfriend!könig x reader (gn!pronouns) sfw MDNI slight age gap (reader mid to end 20s, könig early to mid 30s), grumpy x sunshine, (best) friends, mutual pining, (thus a bit) angsty; mentions of cheating (not between them), non-descriptive violence (dito) a/n: my first 'you'-reader fic (instead of the usual POVs i do), be gentle :')

You like König, he’s an old friend of yours, gone for months at a time, but when he is back home, you meet up, talking – well, you are talking more than him, the giant listening to you stoically – just spending time together. As friends, and that’s fine. It’s fine, really.

He has never shown the same interest in you, you’re always friendly with each other, but it is toned-down. Platonic.

So you get together with someone else. You tell König all about it – your new partner and how you met them – when he returns from his latest mission and his reaction tells you that you were right. He doesn’t really say anything, stoic and calm like always. Asking you some more questions. If you are happy in the relationship. Nothing less, but also nothing more.

König even meets the s/o and he’s trying to keep it together, because – obviously you would have never gone for him, he's too intimidating, too old, too closed off for you. At least that’s what he’s telling himself.

But still. The hot raging jealousy he feels as he watches you being touched by your new partner makes him almost see red. It's his own goddamn fault, he should have said something, anything, in all those years, all those moments you spent together, but he never did. Now he only has himself to blame.

He excuses himself from the situation, not able to stay any long, not able to watch the two of you any longer. Leaving, not without whispering a threat to the partner ("be good to them or else") while shaking their hand, and not without squeezing your arm softly one last time, because to get over you he has to stay away.

But König isn’t really able to stay away, still obsessed with you, still keeping an eye out for you, like he did so far. You on the other hand see much less of him, even when he's on leave, as he tries to respect your boundaries.

Can't say the same for your new partner, who rubbed him the wrong way when they first met. And when he follows them one day and catches them cheating on you... on you! The nerve.

He barely can hold himself back as he confronts them, but he remembers you, and he wouldn't want you to see him as a monster, so he stops himself from beating the shit out of them. He seethes: “Leave them or I will take them from you.”

And your partner ruefully breaks up with you, telling you everything except that they were caught by König. It hasn’t been a long relationship, but still, this feels shitty, obviously, tears streaming down your cheeks and sobs shaking you as you call the one person you trust most.

And of course, König comes over, he’s there to pick up the pieces, still convinced that you don't see him the same way he sees you.

He spends the whole evening with you, watching sappy romance movies and eating ice cream, the grumpy big man on the edge of the couch, trying to hide his bruised knuckles. Trying not to come too close and give you your space, but the furniture isn’t big enough for the two of you. Well, for him anyways.

He’s staying because you said you didn't wanna be alone. Honestly, he is a little unsure what to do because you just can't seem to stop crying and he hates to see you like that.

And then he makes an off-hand comment about one of the protagonists of the romance movie you're currently watching, and a sobbing laugh breaks through your sad grimace.

After that all he tries is to make you laugh until you shake with laughter, begging him to stop, your hands holding your tummy, because your stomach hurts.

“Please, I can’t.”, you roar, hiding your face on his shoulder, your tears staining the shirt he's wearing. Wiping the ones away that still wet your cheeks, looking up at him and giving him the first real smile this whole evening.

And he smiles back, a rare occasion.

But then he tells you that he has to go. You ignore the pit in your stomach, the corners of your mouth turning down, before he quips: "If you ever need a shoulder to laugh on, just call me." which makes you laugh again.

"Thank you.", you tell him and before you can think too hard about it, you stretch up and press a small, chaste peck to his cheek.

Only in this moment he turns to you, so it doesn't land on his cheek, but rather on his lips.

His whole world topples upside down when you kiss him, your mouths touching for just a moment, and he rears back, in total shock and awe, not sure what to do now. The one part of him is screaming at him to kiss you back, to grab you, to finally make you his, all the reasons why he shouldn't forgotten about. The other part is trying to be reasonable, especially now after your break-up, just needing a friend, and not.... him.

"I- I'm sorry.", you say when he just sits there, looking at you all dumbfounded. He would have been less surprised if you smacked him across the face.

He shakes his head. "No, don't apologize. I-", he stammers, his words breaking off, and your hand landing on his thigh pulls him from his thoughts.

“König-“

He shoots up, standing up straight, his tall stature towering over you. "I have to go.”, he says, heading to the door and you can feel disappointment seep into you.

"You don't have to go.", you say, following him. It almost seems like he’s running away from this.

He shakes his head again, and when he looks at you, you can't decipher the emotions in his eyes. "I do.", he says, and then he's out the door.

You just stand there in your shitty oversized shirt that you only ever wear at home when nobody else is here, your face swollen from all the crying. All alone again, the apartment silent except for the soft noises and the romantic music from the tv.

Stupid, stupid thinking that he might like you, stupid wasting the first kiss between you two like that, but... it also wasn't intentional. It was an accident. You didn’t mean to kiss him like that. But his lips felt so soft… Their softness and the softness of his gaze in contrast to his tall, muscled stature, his stern features and stoic nature.

You sigh, traipsing back to the couch, letting yourself fall into the cushions, feeling tears prick in the corners of your eyes, burying yourself in the plush. Being left is hard, and being rejected by the man you just can't stop thinking about.... the same day. Fuck.

You groan, hiding your face in a cushion, when there is a knock on your door. Heavy and impatient. You raise your head, your hands wiping away the wetness on your cheeks.

Knock-knock.

The knocking again. You get up from the couch, taking a few hesitant steps towards the door. It must be him. Opening it, and König’s figure fills the whole frame. Looking down at you while you look up at him.

He sees your teary eyes and curses. Something in Austrian German that you don’t understand. The words sound funny, not matching the expression on his face. The frown pulling the sides of his mouth down, the brows furrowed.

“Wanna come in again?”, you ask him, your voice steadier than you feel right now, gesturing into the flat. He does, and you take a step back to let him pass, closing the door behind him.

He makes one full circle across your carpet before he just stands there, swaying from one foot to the other. Seeming anxious, something that happens to him, albeit not so often with you, so you just give him a moment.

“I’m just…” He sighs, deeply. His gaze panning up from the floor to you, and suddenly you irrationally wish you put on some other clothes, before he speaks again.

“That was my first kiss, okay?”, he admits, and your jaw drops. His… first… kiss? But… That can’t be! Not at his age. I mean, you never saw him with anybody, but surely, he must’ve – must have – had his share of partners. At least one?

“Don’t look at me like that.”, he says, a heavy blush colouring his cheeks.

You avert your eyes for just a moment, but they find their way back to his. “I’m sorry, I just can’t believe that you never, uh…”, you try to find the right words.

The muscle in his jaw jumps, a sign that he’s tense. “I did stuff with people before, I’m not a-” He hesitates for a second. “Not a virgin or anything. I just never kissed anybody.”, he swallows. “Before.”

“Oh, I see.”, you say, unsure what else to say. Completely floored by this information.

“I just…”, he starts again. “Most other people only see me with the mask, I… almost never take it off, also during… that, and kissing through the mask would be weird, so yeah.” He rushes through the last sentence like he just had to get the words out.

Moments of silence passing by as you try to collect your thoughts. “I didn’t mean to, you know. Kiss you, on the lips.”, you finally say, your voice sounding a little hoarse. “Didn’t want to take that moment from you. That first time.” You clear your throat, tangling your fingers with each other, fidgeting. “Sorry.”

His eyes widen, slight shock spreading on his face. “No, no, I didn’t mean it like-“

Fuck, this isn’t going how he wanted it to. Maybe he shouldn’t have come back, just let you be. But the look on your face, your gentle plead as he basically ran away, the need to explain this situation, made him turn around again as soon as he stood outside your apartment building.

He takes a step in your direction, his hands shooting out in your direction, almost touching you, before they drop to his sides again. His body is so close to yours, you can feel the warmth radiating off him, just like before when you were sitting on the couch.

You look up at him, tilting your head back. Meeting his eyes, the familiarity of them calming you. And there it is again. That look on your face that makes him wanna grab you, hold you and never let go.

“I imagined for so long what it would be like to kiss somebody.”, he says, quietly. “I imagined what it would be like to kiss you. I just wasn’t… prepared.”

He… what? Tingles erupt in your stomach, making you feel lighter, your mouth dropping open, soundlessly gasping for air, at his confession.

“I didn’t wanna make you cry or anything, but I didn’t wanna, you know, with the whole… break-up and…” He looks down to his feet, sighing. Not saying the thing about ‘Him being him’.

“I thought it’d just be better.” He sighs again. “Better if I go.”

The stupid, stupid feeling of hope fills you at his words which makes you put it all on one card.

“You wanna try it again? The kissing?”, you whisper, taking a step forward, coming a bit closer.

His eyes jump to yours, the brows pulled up in surprise. After a moment, he nods. “Yes.” But he is not moving an inch. The tall man, frozen in place. Looking at you, hesitating, wanting to kiss you so badly, just the tiniest bit afraid to do it wrong.

You lean in, craning your neck. Your hand landing on his chest, firm and warm underneath your fingertips, steadying yourself and getting on your tiptoes.

His breath hits your face a moment before your lips press against his. Pulling him from his frozen state. He leans down, meeting your touch, his arms are closing around you, holding you closer to his body. A soft hum rising up his throat as he answers the kiss.

The gentle brush of his mouth against yours getting a little needier with every passing second, exploring you. So much softer than he had expected. The short peck you accidentally gave him before not coming close to this feeling now.

You stretch up, your arms coming around the nape of his neck. Needing him closer, pulling him down to you. Sighing into the kiss, your mouth dropping open a little bit.

His tongue brushes against yours, his hand gently holding the side of your face, his thumb brushing your cheek. You’re leaning into his palm, tilting your head, opening up to deepen the kiss until the two of you are making out.

Bittersweet, warm. Tasting just like you imagined him to. And a hint of the icecream you shared.

If he didn’t just tell you that he never kissed anyone before, you would have never guessed. Taking his time, slowly, oh so slowly. Maybe a little bit hesitant, but the way his lips brush against yours, the way his tongue is stroking against yours...

A pang of need is spreading down your body, the tingle remaining low in your belly, and he swallows up the sounds you make, not stopping to explore you, and you answer every single one of his touches. Both of you not coming up for air, breathing each other in.

He lifts you up, and you don’t still break the kiss as he carries you over to the couch. Lying down on the furniture, your front against his as you prop yourself up, not willing to leave the kiss. Pressing your lips against his, over and over again, wondering how you could ever stop doing that. Wondering how you never did that before.

“I’m glad we accidentally kissed.”, you say, mumbling the words against his lips.

He laughs a little, a light sound. “Me too.”, he simply says, cradling your face, deepening the kiss again. Something that makes you feel restless in the best way possible.

It feels so new and yet familiar, the way your smaller frame fits against his. He always thought that you are so tiny compared to him, when in reality you are not tiny at all, he is just that big, filling up the whole couch, so the only space for you is on top of him. He doesn't mind at all and you don't either.

Quite the contrary as you lay your head on his chest. Hearing his heartbeat, feeling it against your cheek, still a little faster than it should be. Because kissing you did that to him.

You’re melting into his body, the warmth of his embrace as his big arms hug you. Yawning a little bit, which makes him chuckle.

“Tired?”, he asks.

“Just a little.” Another yawn.

“That’s okay.”, he says, stroking over your hair. Kissing you on the forehead, a small, sweet peck. “Just sleep, Schatz.”

His cheek against the top of your head, his proximity, his familiar scent and the knowledge that you had been wrong – he did indeed like you just the way you like him – makes you forget about all the other shit that happened today as you drift off to sleep, his steady and calm breathing and the soft voices on the tv lulling you to sleep.

Masterlist for all my könig fics <3

[mrs-gucci]

Drive-In

{ flip zimmerman x female reader }

anon

Can I please request going to a horror movie drive in with Flip where he hopes the movie will be louder than the noises you both make lol :)

warnings. SMUT (18+ ONLY), high risk sex (car sex around other people), reverse cowgirl, barebacking, creampie.

word count: 525

★ written for sextember 2023 ★

** CLICKING “KEEP READING” MEANS YOU UNDERSTAND & ACKNOWLEDGE ALL OF THE WARNINGS LISTED ABOVE AND ARE OVER THE AGE OF 18. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK, YOUR CONTENT CONSUMPTION IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. MINORS DNI. **

collage by me :)

Creepy music plays loudly through the drive-in speakers as the spectators in surrounding cars stare up at the large movie screen, eating their popcorn and drinking their sodas hesitantly, waiting for the impending jump scare.

You and Flip, however, had lost interest in the movie about ten minutes ago. Well, you didn't lose interest, per se. More like you two became much more interested in one another than in the movie.

Lets just say that the gasps and cries from the scared on-screen protagonists aren't the only ones happening at the theater this evening.

Flip grunts as you sink down onto his stiff length repeatedly, hips thrusting up instinctively against you. The truck's windows are starting to really steam up, the air between you two incredibly thick while you ride him.

You're holding tightly onto the grab handle with one hand while the other rests on his hand, the one currently gripping your hip tightly. Your eyes are on the movie and maybe somewhere in your mind you're paying attention to the horrors occurring, but really, it's just pictures on a screen. Your mind is in a whole different place right now.

"S-Shit," you breathe, biting your lip to try and keep the noise down. "Oh god, baby..."

As much as Flip loves this, well, pretty much public sex, he does try to be extra careful since he's law enforcement. He's really hoping the movie's louder than the noises you two are making and the gentle squeaking of his truck's shocks.

He groans softly, cigarette pinched between his teeth, ashes starting to fall off the tip. "Goddamnit, princess...a little faster for me...mhm, that's it..."

You speed up as he requested, resulting in a spike in both your pleasures. Matching noises of pure lust and passion escape from both of your lips.

"Fuck...mm!"

Flip starts thrusting up into you, chasing his rapidly approaching orgasm. The cars around you seem none the wiser and luckily for you two, the windows are not completely steamed over, so all that can really be seen are your silhouettes.

As he fucks you, you take the opportunity to reach down and rub your clit, moaning softly as the pleasure pulses through you. You're close, very close, and getting closer by the second--

"O-Oh fuck," Flip groans as he cums, pushing his cum up into you with rapid thrusts. "Mmm, good girl...shit..."

Feeling him cum is what sends you over the edge, and you continue rubbing yourself through it as the familiar waves of pleasure roll over your body.

Eventually you both come to a stop and Flip pulls out, tucking himself away while you pull your underwear back into place. As soon as you turn around in his lap, Flip has put out his cigarette and pulls you in for a kiss, his arms wrapping around you to hold you close.

A thought come to you and you smile against his lips, chuckling softly. He pulls away, eyebrows slightly furrowed.

"What is it?"

Your laughter grows a bit. "I told you this was a good movie."

He laughs, shaking his head and giving your ass a nice firm smack.

"You're cute."

****

sextember taglist: @rynwritesstuff @safarigirlsp @babbushka

if you'd like to be tagged in future sextember works, please let me know via comment on this post or the original sextember post!

[overnowsfcb]

valentine; pablo gavi

summary: experimenting love for the first time feels kind of weird, in the best way of the word.

warnings: none, just fluff.

word count: 1,8k

it was the first time you felt like you were inside a love story, the first time you empathized with the protagonists who felt butterflies in their stomachs every time they saw their beloved or smiled at the mere thought of them.

throughout your high school, you were that girl who had to witness your friends telling stories about holding hands, kissing and having sex with the right person, and helping them write and decorate letters for their partners on valentine’s day.

the only solution you found to dive into that world was in the books and movies. all you read was romance, hoping for one in real life. a kiss underneath the rain, a jacket around your shoulders when the air got cold, someone to accompany and hear you.

fortunately, your friends never made you feel left out. but you couldn't help but feel that way every time you saw them smile with their significant others. the epitome of that feeling was when you blew out the eighteen candles in your birthday cake, it felt like sealing your fate.

everyone applauding and cheering that you reached the majority of age. the only thing you did when everyone left wasn't opening the amount of presents they had given you.

you sat on the couch with the lights off and put your favorite rom-com on the tv, searching for ice cream on the fridge and a blanket. you knew every word of the movie, every scene, every detail. 

you had the same reaction as the first time you saw it. in a slumber party, when you were twelve. and that contrast is what gave you distress and shame, it had been six years and you still haven't had a romance. tears began to fall from your eyes, thinking that that person who would make you feel unique would never come.

it was almost funny how you manifested it in your life after watching it over and over again. after holidays, you applied for the first job that had vacancies to help your mother with your two younger siblings; she was having trouble covering everything with a single income.

your job at a small bookstore hidden in a secluded corner of barcelona didn't pay much, but it was your favorite place. you enjoyed organizing books, recommending them, and having conversations about them with interested customers.

you never would have imagined seeing one of your brother's favorite football players enter that store. the little bell above the door chimed, and you quickly looked up from the book you were finishing, right at the best part.

"buenas," (hi.) he said, approaching the counter. you tucked the book beneath it and stood up from the stool.

"buenas tardes, ¿cómo puedo ayudarte?” (good afternoon, how can I help you?) you smiled formally, just as you did with all customers. you were amazed at how pretty he was; your brother always watched his interviews, and you knew quite a bit about his life. however, you couldn't understand why it felt like a breeze of air had reached your face when he stood up in front of you.

"i was looking for a book for my sister. a birthday gift." you nodded and asked him to specify a bit more about her interests, and what genre she liked.

"ah, she's into mystery novels," he replied, his eyes scanning the shelves as if trying to find the perfect gift.

you led him to the mystery section, explaining the different authors and their styles. as you chatted, you couldn't help but notice how down-to-earth and friendly he was. you were an expert talking to new people, but this felt different, it was the perfect cadence.

he eventually settled on a classic detective novel, expressing gratitude for your assistance. as he paid for the book, he asked, "would it be too much trouble to have it gift-wrapped? it's a surprise for her, you see."

you gladly agreed, and as you carefully wrapped the book, he continued the conversation. he shared anecdotes about his sister's love for mystery stories and how he hoped this gift would bring her joy.

little did you know that after that interaction that brightened the rest of your day, it would turn into something much more significant.

you pondered whether you would see him again. had he felt the same as you? or maybe it was just your desperation, and how notting hill was engraved in your subconscious.

but sometimes, movie scripts weren't entirely wrong, like when you heard the little bell of the store ringing again a week later, this time while you were arranging some new books that had arrived, perched on the ladder.

"hi," he greeted excitedly. you directed your gaze to where the sound came from, and a smile appeared on your face. you were almost overcome with excitement, but you held on tightly to the ladder to not fall.

"good morning," you said, finishing arranging a book and descending from the ladder.

"my sister loved the book! she said it was the best gift ever," he beamed, making you feel great. he extended an invitation for coffee as a token of appreciation.

you didn't even know if it was professional to accept it while you were working, but you weren't hurting anyone. and that was the best decision you could ever make in your life.

every hope that you had murdered with resentment now resurrected with a new shine. what you thought was your destiny was just a moment in time.

it had been a challenge for pablo to make you believe that he truly wanted to be with you. countless times, he felt the need to explain how wonderful and precious you were.

you didn't know how to react to his compliments or sudden kisses. he was so spontaneous and impulsive, and you were so calculated and cold because he was everything you had ever dreamed of. but what if it was just a dream that could crumble at any moment?

yet, he took it upon himself day and night to make you feel like the most cherished woman. and how could you not feel that way with those crystal-clear eyes looking at you as if you were a sunset over the ocean?

he loved your laughter so much that he couldn't help but make jokes or clown around at every opportunity that presented itself.

he showed you a new way to see life, to explore a new spectrum of colors that had been withheld from you for so long, and dispelled certain beliefs that were imposed on your mind.

even your mother and your own friends adored him; they couldn't ask for more than your first love to be with such a dedicated and understanding guy, dispelling any lingering doubts.

he was the person who listened to you talk about your favorite books but also, had no problem listening when you complained about something going wrong.

the smallest and most imperceptible details were what made you fall a little more in love with him every day, confirming that you wanted to be by his side for eternity.

his angelic voice was engraved in the back of your mind, the first “i love you”, the sweet nothings he whispered in your ears the first time you decided to make love, assuring you that he would take care of you at every moment. and, of course, he protected his word, a man who never failed you.

sometimes, just sometimes, when you understood the great person the universe put in your path and remembered that you haven’t lose your mind trying to find a man like him. when you remembered his touch was completely real —something that took quite a while to accept— you flaunted him in front of everyone.

his eskimo kisses every time you felt down had become so essential and pure that they automatically reset your mind.

and you couldn’t forget how he had the gift of turning the simplest things into memories that you would fantasize to tell your grandchildren, sitting side by side, full of gray hair and wrinkles. the beauty of simplicity.

it was truly a movie-like love. a movie that your 16-year-old self would love with all her heart, and now you were living it firsthand, and it was true. it existed, and no one could take it away from you.

“i don't ever wanna let go of you. i want us to stay like this, like sloths, for the rest of our lives.” you giggled, amused by his antics and nose nuzzling affectionately against your neck. he squeezed your waist with his hand and got you trapped with his leg over your body.

“i would love to do that too, baby. but unfortunately, we're only human, and i still can't be late for work.” you moved his leg and replacing the pout of his lips with a sweet kiss. you could spend hours listening to him talk. 

he grabbed your cheeks and showered your face with kisses while you laughed. “seriously!”

“i hate that you have to work.”

“you should be grateful, because if i didn't have this job, you would've never meet me.” his eyes sparkled with affection as you headed off, leaving behind the warmth of his presence but carrying the glow of his love within you. 

he often wondered if you knew you were his first true love. none of the women who came before you stood up to the way he couldn't help but think and speak of you, of your remarkable essence as a person.

it was as if meeting you had illuminated a part of his soul he didn't know existed—a feeling so profound, it reshaped his understanding of love. your presence felt like the missing piece he'd been searching for, and with every passing day, he found himself falling deeper.

once, he couldn't fathom the allure of romantic movies, convinced they portrayed an unrealistic, overly idealized version of love. how could it possibly measure up to reality? it felt like a sudden twist in the game when he discovered the depth of love in the embrace of a girl who adored those movies. it was through this realization that he understood—love was far more beautiful than any screenwriter could ever capture. 

the movies could never capture the immensity of his emotions during those fleeting moments when he danced with you, be it in the disco or under the soft kitchen light because it held the same intimacy. it was in the way your voice still trembled ever so slightly when you praised him and the way your cheeks flushed with color when he returned the compliment.

for both of you, it was a fairytale woven into reality. you, always yearning for it, and him, a skeptic who never believed in such tales.

the enchantment and genuineness were evident in every shared glance and each entwined finger. it was etched in the lines of your palms, you were meant to be timeless.

[brian-in-finance]

Thanks for the message, Anon. 😃

So… 18 links… 🤯. Tumblr wouldn’t let me post your message as “was,” so I followed the links, played a mean game of Copy & Paste and added some pics.

Reading through the reviews on Letterboxd to find the six you chose revealed a few things about the film no mainstream review I saw had revealed. Note to self: think carefully about the viewing company you keep.

Caitríona Balfe from “Outlander” plays the boxer’s girlfriend Caitlin, who exists in a constant state of worry. Understandably. But it’s a dull part for a magnetic actress.

New York Post 8 September 2024

Caitlin (an excellent Caitríona Balfe of “Belfast” fame)… a movie that ultimately doesn’t quite add up to enough, especially when Balfe walks out for too long in the final act. See it for the cast, especially the three leads, but it’s more of a technical knockout than a stunning victory.

Roger Ebert 6 September 2024

Caitríona Balfe (“Belfast,” “Outlander”) can be an uncommonly grounded actress, and she and Bloom create a lived-in relationship that humanizes and creates real stakes for the pugilistic histrionics that surround it. His character’s lack of a name may position him as an everyman, but the little moments of their relationship – glances, raised eyebrows, tilted heads – give his couple a specificity and a shared history in a way exposition never could… film is bookended by quiet scenes between a man and a woman, by beautifully understated performances by Bloom and Balfe.

The Wrap 7 September 2024

The boxer’s wife and business partner (Outlander’s Caitríona Balfe giving more than her role deserves)

The Guardian 6 September 2024

… wife, business partner, and one-time boxing manager, Caitlin (Caitríona Balfe, the film’s secret weapon).

The Playlist 6 September 2024

Despite a trio of knockout performances, The Cut is a lackluster boxing drama… (Caitríona) Balfe gives a thankless role her all as the lone woman in this boys' club. Caitlin has a dark past too, alluding to a struggle with addiction. But we never learn any of her past in detail despite numerous and repetitive flashbacks to Boxer's bleak childhood. Instead, it's left to Balfe to convey it all through Caitlin's stricken expressions and misplaced devotion to Boxer. She even gets a few moments to shine as a fighter herself, training Boxer for his fight before Boz takes over… Balfe is a sublime talent, but she deserves far better material that doesn't rely on her to make up for deficiencies in the writing… Because despite these three strong performances… The Cut has the potential to be something fresh and interesting with three particularly fine actors at its heart.

Entertainment Weekly 6 September 2024

Caitríona Balfe and John Tuturo’s colliding performances gave the film a realistic edge, which makes the audience question their own morals.

Movie Scene Canada (Twitter) 6 September 2024

Caitríona Balfe is equally compelling as a supportive wife and coach to her boxer husband.

Movie Moves Me 6 September 2024

The Cut is it is one of few boxing films that gives the female lead a pivotal role that’s more than a love interest/nagging the fighter to quit. Caitríona Balfe is a tough-as-nails trainer who gets in the ring w/ Orlando & may throw a punch!

Flick Chick DC (Twitter) 5 September 2024

(Caitríona) Balfe is fierce as Caitlin. She’s simultaneously supportive and a fighter. Her verbal spats with Boz are a treat, and she’s honestly the character who best balances strength and emotional maturity.

Screen Rant 7 September 2024

Caitríona Balfe was the main highlight, for me. It's difficult to pull off the role of voice of reason against the hell-bent protagonist without coming off as annoying or making it feel like they're just slowing the story down, but she killed it.

Reddit 6 September 2024

(Caitríona) Balfe (and John) Turturro.. are never less than engaging and believable in their side parts.

IndieWire 5 September 2024

Bloom… gives a great, dedicated, and physically challenging performance — as does the wonderful Caitríona Balfe

Bloom promised us all a stiff drink for enduring this movie and I think that says a lot. (Caitríona) Balfe was great.

The cast is phenomenal. Turturro is marvelous as The Boss, pushing our fighters to their literal breaking point. (Caitríona) Balfe gives a heart wrenching performance of a former addict watching their partner fall into their own addiction.

I think Caitlin's character gets a little bit lost, and she was such a great part of the movie, I wish they did a little bit more with her.

Orlando Bloom and John Turturro are very good but I really think the star is Caitríona Balfe!! She was very underutilized.

Performances are good, especially Orlando's and Caitríona Balfe's. To me she was the standout.

Letterboxd 5 & 6 September 2024

Remember… what distinguishes modern art from the art of other ages is criticism. — Octavio Paz

[ghostflowerhotpotch]

Let's Talk Peter B

@iwasbored777 (Since you ask to be tagged)

Okay! I was on the fence about writing this post, but after doing this response and some encouragement, I decided that fuck it, let’s do this.

While I had seen multiple things about Gwen being a bad friend, a bad person, and other things I don’t want to say because I will start ranting- Peter B for the most part, has come out scotch free.

Don’t get me wrong, I had seen some people address his issues, but it has been a few posts in a sea of him with Mayday and people shipping with Miguel. Which hey, is okay with me, but when you see you a character you love be given the short end of the stick despite the circumstances yet another character that has much less to lose has their mistakes largely been ignored and basically be woobify.

Is not just Gwen, I had also seen people take beef with Jess as a mentor yet somehow leave Peter out of that conversation. Don’t get me wrong Jess is far from perfect (which is something I discussed before,) but again, Peter is far from perfect too.

Does this has to do with Peter being a beloved main character in the first movie? Yes. Does it also has to do with misogynoir and misogyny? Oh I don’t doubt it.

I don’t hate Peter B, far from it, I think he is a great adaptation of our spidey, and while I am not the biggest spiderman fan out there, I did grew up with Peter Parker in movies and cartoons so I do have love for this characters as well as his incarnation in Sony movies.

I will do my best to remain as unbiased and neutral as possible, but not gonna lie this entire thing is annoying me enough that I will say when I am aware of my own biases, as I always try to do.

But if you think liking a character stops me from calling them on their bullshit you are wrong.

I know this post is more about how Peter is with Miles and his role as a mentor, but I decided to address some other things I had seen people talk about because there is a reason I choose "Let's talk Peter B Parker" as a title.

Believe it or not, I am fine with this. Seriously.

Peter wasn’t here when Miles arrived, and considering they did a small tour and got an empanada on the way, I think wouldn’t be odd to say he wasn’t around when Miles arrived. My theory is that he was taking care of his own stuff, and once he knew that Miles was around, went to get Mayday to present her to Miles.

I think that’s pretty normal all things consider, he loves Miles and wouldn’t had fixed things with MJ and had his daughter without her, of course he would want the two of to met.

The enthusiasm is all things consider pretty sweet, and while I don’t approve of some things he does (like giving her a web shooter while being just a few months old?) Is one of those things that are part of superhero writing that has the children technically doing things that they shouldn’t be doing for their age, so I just let it slide because if I get hung up every time I see something like this, it would not end.

I’m the only one who is actually mad about this comment?

Yes, is a joke, I get that, and Peter is trying to take as much as steam off Miles by trying to frame him on the light that he messes up, but is just who he is.

It doesn’t make me any less annoyed.

For starters, I feel like I am rereading Percy Jackson again (No I will not explain that reference.) Because despite everyone more or less knowing what’s going on (Hobie said before he didn’t know what Miguel was hiding so how much he knows is unsure,) no one has attempted to explain the situation to Miles.

This is a trope I had seen enough (including WAY too many times in the books I mentioned,) and I really resent when characters act as if the protagonist or someone else is stupid just because they are unaware of something. ESPECIALLY if the characters saying so are aware they don’t know.

They are also letting him believe is a good thing he is in HQ, but that is actually not Peter’s fault. I am mad with Gwen on this one, but also Jessica, and Hobie well, he should have known enough to be able to tell him seeing Miguel is not good news. At least Hobie tries to warn him as subtly as possible.

Sure, Peter just got here, but the fact that he is already accusing Miles of just messing up with the universe carelessly is not something that doesn’t sit well with me. Either he knows that Miles doesn’t know and is making an insulting comment, or thinks Miles is aware of the situation and just acted recklessly. The second one is the best scenario, but I feel Peter is presuming way too much for someone that just came around and should have known better than believe Miles knew all of these details while Miguel basically has a giant banner of “Not Earth-1610 Anomalies allowed.”

Also, sidetrack but what exactly does Miles do that isn’t just your typical spidey behaviour? Yes he doesn’t always have full-formed plans before acting but you can say that about EVERYONE in the room at that moment.

“He wasn’t thinking, is not like he works!” My ass.

Want my two cents about this moment? Peter has zero business telling this to Miles.

When Miles asks Gwen about her dad, she is crestfallen, she doesn’t like to believe this more than he does; but unlike anyone else in this room, Gwen cannot return to her home dimension. The best case scenario is if she isn’t there, her dad may not die; but that’s the best case scenario, and that involves again, not stepping again in her home dimension ever again. Her best bet is never to see her home, or anyone she knows including her dad, because not only she may end up in prison, her presence may lead to the death of her dad.

And who knows, it may happen regardless; he may be dead already because he is a police officer and she couldn’t be there to give a hand or save him (As she said she did in Into the Spider-verse, by the way.)

Yet at least, she is coming to this with the idea that her life is going to have to SUCK for a few years, things happening or not happening depending on where she is but none of this is pretty or fair.

Peter? As far as we know, he is done.

Considering the age range of the Spidey-characters, chances are Peter already lived the canon events he needed to live, at best they don’t know what’s next, which means he can operate as he feels is the best course of action.

Miles asked him if he would have let his uncle die, but Peter lost his uncle over twenty years ago, he had enough time to grieve, to accept the outcome, and find happiness after it. And to top it all off, HE DIDN’T HAVE THAT MORAL DILEMMA PLACED IN FRONT OF HIM BEFORE IT HAPPENED.

I find Peter’s words hollow because unlike Miles, he was never asked to not intervene in a canon event, he hasn’t needed to deal with someone from his universe dying while he let it play out.

I am not saying he didn't suffer, he did, and a lot; yet he was unaware that this would happen, is way different having someone tell you “Oh those tragedies you lived? It’s the destiny that keeps everything together, it’s rough but it is what it is,” than someone telling you “Oh you are going to live a bunch of different personal tragedies, and you need to suffer with the burden of this knowledge because is this or everyone in every universe dies.”

(How much do you guys bet someone will use this as an example of the trolley problem in a philosophy class.)

Since we are going in kind of a chronological order, let’s go to something a tad lighter both because it deserves mention, and so I can cool down before I start ranting in Spanish (which is not going to be saying pretty things about B precisely.)

Yes, Peter recognizes this is bad parenting, which is good because it certainly isn’t good; I also have trouble believing he didn’t know AT LEAST ONE spider that could stay behind and watch Mayday while he went to the chase.

However, I do think the chase was never going to be dangerous, nor Peter thought it would be. He has been Spider-man for a quarter of a century, he has been swinging around for so long is second nature to him, I bet he has taken Mayday on “strolls” which is him swinging around.

There is also another screenshot that really encapsulates that Peter didn’t realize how dire the situation is, but that’s for later.

There is also the possibility that he asked Miguel to do this as a way to distract him, but considering this is the only time he does this and is going around him being obsessed with Mayday (Which I think is a bit too much, but I blame more the writers than Peter for that.) I am inclined to believe this is not the case.

(Sigh) I promise to try to be neutral, so I need to bring this up.

What they were talking about earlier can be lumped to a bit later on, and I decided to bring this instead of talking about it when Miles and Peter saw each other (which is I didn’t bring because what I could say would be the same as this.) Because this is something really beautiful that I didn’t want to leave out.

I think that’s what angers me the most about this, because in a vacuum? I love this.

I am a sucker for found family tropes, I love the idea that Miles would grow to see people like Peter B, Noir, and so forth as a family. I love how Peter says how much Miles means to him and meeting him changed his life for the better.

Peter B loves Miles, he said that in the last movie; I can’t just erase that.

However, is exactly because of this scene, that what happens next makes me so sad.

Oh, Miles.

I didn’t mention it in the previous image nor did I took detailed screenshots for the sake of my sanity and to not turn this way too long. (Though I may do it in another moment- Ok I need to focus.)

Miles was obviously affected by what Peter said to him, it obviously means a lot because Miles also loves Peter; of all the spiders in the gang he was the one who he spent the most time initially; he wouldn’t be the Spider-man he is today without him.

And it breaks my heart how Miles says this.

Look at the angle, at his posture; Miles can’t even turn to say this to Peter’s face because it hurts so much. He looks so small in that shot, trying to emphasize how he is just a teen, how he really loves them so much, and it breaks his heart to know that they could visit him, and they didn’t.

Let’s remember what he was doing at the beginning of the movie; he was trying to study physics. He is great at it, and he was since the first movie, however, this is clearly not his passion; he loves his art and even if he didn’t know what he wanted to do yet in the first movie, you can see how much he loves what he does.

And he was willing to leave all of that aside, just to see Gwen, Peter and the others again; because as far as he knew there wasn’t any other way. Remember, he was aiming at Princeton; he would need to bleed and work hard to get there, and even after, being in this field it was not going to be a walk in the park; getting to make the dimensional travel work (At least without seeing Miguel’s technology like Hobie seemed to do;) was also going to be hard.

Miles wanted to do all of that for them, and them? They didn’t.

Now; I don’t blame Gwen in this scenario.

I had said this much in this post before, and a bunch of others too. Gwen was stuck with the Spider Society; and yet she risked losing everything, from homelessness to prison, to spend an afternoon with Miles the second she had an excuse.

What is Peter’s excuse?

He couldn't, he couldn't.

That's what he had to say for himself.

Here is the thing: I am not sure I buy it.

Gwen makes sense to me, Miguel didn't want Gwen to be involved since the beginning and obviously doesn't trust her when is about Miles; Gwen wasn't exactly wrong to fear she would get kicked out if she acted out of line.

Peter? I have my doubts.

We don't know Miguel's and Peter B's relationship (I know some shippers have some ideas, not my cup of tea but I have no problem if people like it.) However, we know that Peter B was there when Miguel's dimension collapsed, later in the movie we saw what Miguel did to Gwen for what happened (believe me, we will get there.)

Even if that was the case; Peter’s situation is much less dire than Gwen’s. Even if Peter could be kicked out of the organization for disobeying Miguel; he would still have his wife, his house, his daughter. He would had been in the same spot he was at the end of the first movie, if not better because now he would had a chance to know both him and Miles would be okay.

I am getting ahead of the post here, but I honestly don’t know how much of Canon BS Peter believes; he clearly doesn’t think Miles is bad for being an anomaly, nor his daughter (technically because Peter wasn’t supposed to meet Miles, he wouldn’t have his daughter. Is certainly a NO in the comics.) Miguel is convinced that Miles’ presence is enough to create more holes in the multiverse; Gwen obviously doesn’t share that view. Peter? I don’t know if he thinks there is actually something to lose for visiting him.

One way or another, he doesn’t really give me a reason here; who knows, maybe when Beyond comes there would be enough information for me to admit Peter did the right thing. For now? No.

Here, we have Miles telling Peter he wanted to meet them so badly, and even if Peter doesn't have a clue of how literal Miles is; you can hear it in his voice, in his posture, how he still cannot look at Peter because to that point it hurts.

And what's Peter's response to this?

(Deep breath,) Boy at moments like this I really wish I didn't think so hard about media.

It hurts me, and it angers me, because it is a pretty sweet moment, but when you think hard about it, it just becomes messy.

I could make an entire discussion about how Peter literally ignored Miles’ feelings about not being there, about how he and others (Gwen not really, the others eehhh hard to say;) didn’t try too reach him, which obviously makes him feel like they don’t care about him as he does. And Peter decide to ignored it.

But! I will try to give him the benefit that this is a tense situation, there is hundreds of spiders looking for them, and there only have so much time. I am going to believe, Peter couldn’t address that at the moment because they had other issues.

Yet even if we omit that point, do you guys realize this is literally no different that his entire spiel about Uncle Ben, right?

Because that’s what he is trying to say, “Spider-man has to suffer, but hey sometimes good things can happen anyways.” This entire conversation is about trying to make Miles follow him, do whatever Miguel is trying to do to avoid having Miles go to his dimension (or at least stop him from saving his dad,) and basically let her dad die.

Look, there is nuance to this situation; Peter isn’t saying this to manipulate Miles, he believes this. He truly believes bad things had to happen to keep the universe from falling apart; I am convinced Miguel’s second universe didn’t fall for his Canon theory, yet Peter B was there, I can’t blame the guy for drinking the kool-aid a bit more than the others.

This doesn’t change the fact that this scene has Peter ignoring Miles’ pain, and try to tell him he needs to suffer some more because “is just how the universe works!”

(Sidenote but anyone can’t help to see this and think of a random Christian telling someone after they lived a personal tragedy “Is just G-d’s plan”? Because I saw that a lot.)

Now, I guess the next question someone may be wondering is, do I believe Peter was being honest with Miles here?

...I don’t know, I really, don’t know.

I had seen this scene multiple times, and I lost count how many times when I was in the theatre, seeing this scene, and thinking “he knew” just for the next moment thinking “he didn’t know.”

If you want my two cents, the part that keeps tripping me over is how he looks at his watch, then Miles, then the watch, it makes me wonder if he is screaming that he doesn’t have his location to Miguel, or to Miles.

I don’t want to believe Peter purposefully drive Miles away so he could get trapped, when he says to Miles “I didn’t know, I promise;” I want to believe him.

The thing is, the outcome he hoped wasn’t that much different, now was it?

He wanted it to be Miles decision, yet again, he was trying to get Miles to not just abandon his morals (as well as the ones every Spider-person should have,) but also try to tell him he needs to suffer for the good of the world.

(I am having SO many flashbacks to things I read about cults, I need to continue working on that post about the Spider Society ffs.)

This is a small detail, but I gotta say; Peter do you really have nothing on your defense?

Look, feel free to believe I am playing favourites, but unlike many people who had a problem with Gwen, I don't blame her for hiding this.

No, I don't think what she did was right. Let’s not get things twisted. I definitely think Gwen shouldn’t had hide this stuff, yet she in general NEVER, had a good idea of how much to say and how much to keep with anyone she talks to; from her dad to Jess to Miles. Once again this is an aspect I can’t get mad at her because she is sixteen and traumatized with a minimal support network and irresponsible guardians.

Now Peter, what’s YOUR excuse?

Not just for not telling something to Miles earlier, I could believe he would have done it if the situation has calmed down. No, Miles asked them about it, and even a bit later says “That’s why you guys never came to see me;” (Which I think is kind of BS but let’s not get ahead of myself on this one.) The thing is that when he has the teen he mentored being manhandled by his ‘friend,’ and said thing asks them to answer him; Peter just ducks.

Like he cannot even see Miles and admit he shouldn’t have done that.

Gwen’s excuse isn’t much better but at least she is answering and you can see in her face how much she knows she fucked up.

I am going to be honest, this little detail wouldn’t bother me as much if what has happened before and what’s yet to happened didn’t exist, yet it does.

There is a difference in “Well you did a little mistake but I can let slide” vs “There are so many things wrong here that I will call you out even for the tiny ones.” Granted Peter isn’t that bad, but is a nuance I think a lot of people don’t think of.

Could Peter haven't said anything because the scene is trying to focus on Miles and Gwen for this part? Yes; it doesn't stop me from getting annoying.

Okay, Miles says this, do I believe it? Ehh not sure.

Gwen definitely not the case, if she truly thought him being an anomaly was a problem, she wouldn't have gone to see him directly.

Peter? Again, I have no idea how much of the kool-aid he has been drinking, the fact that he speaks highly of him and his daughter as good things that has happened makes me inclined to believe he doesn't.

We don't have an answer either way, right?

Not that Peter does much to help him feel better here. Yes yes trying to keep focus on certain characters I know.

(Looks at the camera like is the office.) And now THIS is the time where I wish I wasn’t aware of how writing works.

Okay, I know what the purpose of Peter is, aside of being here as a mentor, he is here kind of as a comic relief. He doesn’t have the same narrative weight as he had in the last movie, and he is here to be cute with his baby for the most part. That’s his purpose at this moment.

It-doesn’t-change-anything.

He has this recurring joke on the third act about if he is or not a good mentor, and it kind of has to do with the last movie, specially this joke, since at the end he was also talking how he taught him something he definitely didn’t do. Last movie I found it cute, here? Not so much.

I am trying not to be hard here and why I would not address the “son of a mother” moment (which I honestly really hate,) because this is not even Peter B’s fault at this point; the writers were trying very hard to have a way to make the situation a tad lighter while also having an important character be in character. I can’t say is truly out of character, but I’m not appreciating it.

Especially having him insist on being a good mentor after letting down his protege MULTIPLE TIMES.

Don't you guys love when you see a grown-ass adult go apeshit on a teen, and his friends aren't doing anything to stop him?

Sorry, yeah I understand that for narrative purposes, they have to be stuck to the ground, but after someone pointed this out a few weeks ago, I can't stop thinking of this shot so I needed to bring it out.

(BIG sidenote but, Margo is the biggest MVP here; girl met Miles once and probably has little to no context, yet she is helping him out. Queen behavior.)

Now let's talk about some bullshit.

I know this is technically not about Peter, considering this is Miguel talking to Gwen, yet I find LAUGHABLE this response.

I will give this to the spider//dad shippers, I would also be inclined to believe Miguel has a thing for Peter B if between the guy who had the "fugitive" in close quarters for a few minutes yet did not attempt to trap him, vs the teen girl who tries to help out her mentor to catch the dude (even if she didn't try too hard,) you decide the teen girl is the problem.

Is funny because really all this scene needs is Miguel saying "If it wasn't for you, he wouldn't have come here, he wouldn't had know and the Spot wouldn't have escaped," at least that much couldn't have been said for Peter B.

I think the writers were trying to make Miguel just look less and less reasonable the more we saw on screen; which is why he would go with route.

It doesn't change the fact that Mighel accusing Gwen of not capturing him is laughable.

YOU 👏 ARE 👏 A 👏 TERRIBLE 👏 MENTOR.

(This moment could be addressed individually, but they are basically the same thing and this post is DEFINITELY too long; seriously I had written fics shorter than this wtf.)

Here is my problem with this: He just decides that oh well, what can he do.

SERIOUSLY?!

Forget the "Oh but he doesn't do this the story-" for a moment; are you seriously telling me that not only this guy knows Miles is in a PRETTY fucked up situation, but also that Gwen is in her home universe where she will be homeless (because there is no way in hell Peter B doesn't know what happened to her,) and you decide to just, go brooding in your dimension?

You know is absolutely amazing how I had heard people grill Miguel and Jess for their behavior with Gwen (which I agree with for the most part,) yet I haven't seen anyone say "Isn't it a bit fucked up that Peter B should have known what would happen to Gwen if she went home and didn't decide to help her?"

Miguel is on Earth 1610 and hellbent on finding Miles, you cannot tell me if Peter B left his daughter with his wife, and then went to fetch Gwen, Miguel would have noticed. At the very least Peter could had try to check on her.

Peter B has known Gwen for longer than Jess and Miguel, even if he couldn't be a proper guardian for her because he was busy with his life, he could have been more present. He definitely could have attempted to defend her better when Miguel was screaming at her, or to look after her when she was kicked to her universe.

Jess is determined to act as if Gwen is more of an employee than a teen, but Peter B should be known better.

But is not his idea to help Miles, is Gwen's; because right now he is too focused on his life and his duty as spiderman to think of the younger generations that are hurting. Just like Miguel and Jess.

Yet not the narrative, nor the fandom, truly recognizes that.

Let’s wrap this up, you guys have no idea the amount of hours I had spend on this and I would be surprised if someone got this far.

As a small detail, Peter is seen with Mayday, and this time I DO have a problem with it.

I honestly hope Peter isn’t with Mayday in Beyond, I will pretend Peter doesn’t have Mayday during the events on Beyond in my fics for as long as I can; because this is the moment where I feel the joke is being pushed too far.

They don’t know what would happen next, they don’t know in what type of situation they are in, they know whatever universe ended was one with no spiderman so it has to be dangerous; yet he brings the baby because that’s his recurring theme for this movie.

And truly, that’s really the problem with his character here: He was given a small role to do with very limited things to do.

I am not saying this is bad writing; I may not like Peter’s decisions in this movie, and I am really hoping beyond gives a big ass cup of “Adults need to start protecting the younger generations instead of insist they need to toughen up” to all of them. Because more than his role, I am annoyed that neither the movie nor the fandom is addressing the failings of Peter B.

He is not a bad character, I don’t even think he is a bad character in this movie. I like him, and even if writing all of this down made realize I am more bitter about it than I would had liked; I just don’t think is fair.

I want Peter to be better, as a mentor, as a father; and I am really hoping the next movie shows him grow that way too. I do believe the writers can pull it off.

Now, the fandom addressing that?...That I have MUCH less confidence. But not gonna lie this post was made mostly to get this out of my chest rather than expect a reaction out of it.

If anyone made this far, first of, wow; I know some people were interesting in reading this, but even I think I went for a while I put a lot of things that are small details but you guys now me, it wouldn’t be me if I didn’t do that.

Be thankful I don’t talk about micro-expressions in frames or this would truly would had ended up as a novelette.

Second, thank you for reading! Give a like and your opinion if you want; because I am pretty sure this post is doing to have fewer notes.

[sunofpandora]

Okay but can we normalize writing about female characters being just like, a total meathead in the relationship?

I say that for lack of a better word.

Now; don’t get me wrong, I love a good sexy fic where the girl has no idea what tf is going on and the guy is just the man with a plan, or a good fashioned (AGE APPROPRIATE) mentor x student dynamic, (I repeat, in a specific fic that will contain two consenting adults.)

What I’m talking about is more along the lines of tropes we’ve normalized.

Writing is such a broad subject. Specifically, writing your characters.

We would be here for the next 300 years (maybe all the avatar movies will be out by then?) and we still wouldn’t cover everything.

And no. I’m not talking about the generalized ‘big strong man comes along and rescues the helpless damsel’, as much as that tends to bother me, I’m going a bit smaller.

I’m talking making your male character cry like a Disney princess at a wishing well and still making him a loveable, sexy, strong protagonist that doesn’t have any kind of ‘loss of masculinity’ throughout the story.

In talking about a female character who punches the shit out of a tree like a Minecraft character for 30 minutes straight because she’s really pissed off.

I’m talking about a girl grabbing a guy by the waist and kissing him.

You know what else is so funny? We can do that all without having their dynamic of sexual encounters be ‘she’s into dudes who dress up in skirts for her’ or ‘he wants a girl who will boss him around’

And of course; there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with those things. I am not kink shaming anyone. What I’m trying to get at here is that some people may think certain traits that are displayed would stereotypically reflect their sexual preferences.

Like; ‘oh that guy cried over a movie? Yeah. He probably wears a dress and makeup for his wife in bed’

Yk? That’s just getting old at this point.

I love seeing writers, filmmakers, and artists who are running wild with this concept and creating characters and dynamics that reflect all types of personalities and ‘abnormal’ gender identifying traits.

And guess what? Your male protagonist can absolutely cry over a book or movie and still portray dominance.

Your female protagonist can absolutely be the type of girl who beats the shit out of a random object because she’s pissed and afterwards paint her nails because she feels like it!

I’m currently writing a Neteyam x Reader, and I’m experimenting with some of these ideas myself. Writing more ‘emotionally natured’ male characters without straying them away from their original canonical structure.

This is getting long and it’s 3:54 in the morning where I live and I don’t want to wake my partner so I’m gonna wrap it up with this,

Dudes can be 6’00, built like a rock, and cry like a Disney princess.

[anarglitch]

Scott pilgrim takes off inhabits the same artistic space as the matrix 4, or even the final fantasy 7 remake. I mean this as a good thing. It has the distinct touch of an artist that made something that defined a generation revisiting the art that outgrew them a thousandfold with more maturity and different interests.

These interests usually skew meta, they're about what drives someone to revisit something made by a past version of oneself, about the experience of suddenly gaining more influence than anyone could reconcile, where criticisms of your work (which you also, no doubt, have many) become synonymous with criticisms of your culture. If you've been here a while, you probably know (and are tired of) what I'm talking about, manic pixie dream girls and aloof average male protagonists, toxic nostalgia, pick your theme and it's a video essay title.

Imagine having every read of your 2004 funny video game-coded coming of age comic reverberate infinitely toward every direction, people saying your main character taught a whole generation of men to be self-absorbed while the exact opposite type of people rant about how your secondary lead "ruined a whole generation of women" because of hair-dye or whatever. Imagine Edgar Wright makes a movie adaptation of your cute little comic that somehow launches the careers of half of the current celebrity pantheon simultaneously. How would that change you?

Well, for one, it makes you less relatable. The truth of an aloof nerdy guy dating in his early 20s is a lot more universal than the truth of an artist in his 40s forever defined by the event horizon of a thing he wrote half his life ago. The matrix 4 couldn't stop talking about how it feels to have created the matrix. The final fantasy 7 remake can't help but to constantly examine what it means to remake final fantasy 7. It's easy to see why someone would hate that indulgent meta trend, I'll probably never write a generation-defining story, why would I care about the first world problems of someone who did? It can feel distant, and at its worst it can feel insulting. Like it's pointing the finger at the fans, whispering 'you did this to me'. I get that.

I get that, but I love it.

It's the fundamental difference between wanting something that is like something you liked, and wanting someone that is from the same creator of something you liked. The difference between feeding the mona lisa into an AI and finding a new authentic da Vinci. You can't make something entirely new if you religiously stick to using the parts of something that's already there. The human behind the work will always have influences you didn't realize, thought patterns and aesthetic preferences that weren't entirely clear in their previous work, no matter how much you deconstruct it. More importantly, the human will also change, and this organic self-continuity will reflect on the art. I don't want the creator of something to hold their own creation with the same zeal as its fans, because someone who did that simply wouldn't have been capable of creating the original piece in the first place.

I don't want a product, I want art.

Scott pilgrim, the original, indulges the most earnest impulse we have-- that of self-mythologizing, of creating a narrative off of our own lives. To depict the mundane as fantastic, interpersonal relationships as adventures. It resonated with so many people because it was earnest, and it was also picked apart to hell and back because it was earnest. Its flaws were on display, and not just the ones it intended to show. But in my opinion, the opposite impulse, that of washing off everything that could be criticized and presenting the cleanest possible image of yourself through your art, is just... bad. it makes for bad art, or it just freezes you. The very first hurdle of creating anything is getting over that, then maybe the spotlight will fall on you. If it does, you'll get everything you ever wanted, but everyone gets to see through you.

So, how do you revisit something like that? You have two options. Either you take all the pieces and try to reassemble them exactly how everyone remembers it, signing your name as a formality, looking at a mirror in which you no longer see yourself, or you talk to it. You dialogue with your own work, with who you used to be. You travel in time and talk to yourself. You question them, acknowledge them but also teach them a thing or two. You don't respect the product, you respect the feeling. You find the same earnestness that made you put pen to paper for the first time, and you point it towards your new loves and fears. Maybe you make it less about the main guy, take the chance to develop your secondary characters, maybe you give the girl more agency. Maybe you summon the future and refuse its answers. Maybe you fight yourself.

That's the harder choice. It submits your new self to the scrutinizing eyes of a whole new generation, it risks alienating the people who identified with your previous piece. It's riskier, probably less profitable, and by any pragmatic lens probably a bad idea. But it's the only way you can make art. It's truth, the truth that got you there in the first place.

It's how you get it together.

[k-s-morgan]

hello! hope you’re doing okay all things considered <3 i have a Black Butler question! (this involves manga spoilers) i was wondering what are your thoughts on the reveal that Ciel actually took the name of his brother who was killed by the cult? and do you plan on implementing this into your story? it’s strange to imagine him with a different name, but i think the parallel of both Ciel and Sebastian having ‘true names’ would be sweet! :D

Hi! Thank you!

I have a mixed opinion about the twins arc in manga. On the one hand, I feel a lot of admiration for it from a story-telling perspective. The psychological potential of it!.. The idea of our!Ciel assuming another identity, lying to everyone, having only Sebastian as his confidant, constantly striving to secure his new name and achievements, but also fighting the feeling that his brother might have been superior, that he was supposed to be the real heir - it's fascinating. Even more so when you add some guilt over what happened. And like you said, him and Sebastian both having a true and a fake name is a fantastic element that creates even more similarities between them.

On the other hand, as a reader, I just don't like twins-based plots. I also don't like when some relative presumed to be dead makes a sudden appearance and starts playing a big role in the life of the main characters. No matter how justified it is, it's something I tend to avoid in my books/movies/etc. The manga in general feels too big for me - I prefer smaller, protagonist-driven plots, which is why I love the anime so much.

As for Those Gentle Slopes, it's based on the anime, so Ciel doesn't have a brother there. His existence would have come up otherwise since it would have made a big impact on Ciel's personality, plus Sebastian would have mentioned it. So in my story, Ciel used to be a spoilt only child, darker and much more cunning than his parents gave him credit for even at that age.

[mirai-e-jump]

Hero Vision Vol.9 (2003/Winter) ft. Kamen Rider Ryuki Cast Members Pre-Final Episode Interviews (translations below)

Takamasa Suga (Shinji Kido) Interview (page 22,25)

"Recollections, within the calm after the war" Takamasa Suga

After a year of playing the star role of the protagonist in "Kamen Rider Ryuki," Suga-kun finally has time to get back to regular life…

Looking back, from season to season, what were the most emotional scenes that still remain in his mind? On an off day before recording the final episode, we asked him to look back on those passionate days.

...

"I always wanted to die. I wanted to fulfill my role within the show"

...

Suga: (niho~)

If the sound of Suga-kun's smile could be written out, it would look like that. It gives off a calm, quiet and tender feeling. At first glance, the main character of Ryuki, the annoying (?) Shinji Kido, doesn't seem to resemble him, but as the story progresses, we think they are very similar on the inside. It's impressive in the fact that he always tries his best to think about the challenges that appear before him while also moving forward, even when he "doesn't know what to do," he somehow manages to find integrity within the many possibilities, and puts them into action.

"You were so busy this past year, that you didn't even have much time to sleep. What memorable moments will stay with you forever?"

Suga: What made me happy was the movie "Episode Final." I'm very happy I was given the opportunity to play the lead role again, and that it was released nationwide. Since becoming an actor, it had been a dream of mine to do opening day stage greetings.

"However, in parallel to shooting the TV version, the movie was performed within a hellish schedule. It wasn't enough to just act happy or even be "enraged" about it, rather, it was physically demanding."

Suga: Man~ I couldn't understand the reason for anything that was happening at the time (laughs). Filming for the movie would start in the morning, then we would return to the hotel at midnight, sleep for about an hour, and then start filming on location again for the TV series.

"Every day, you had almost no private time. But even so, you said you never felt stressed because "doing the performance in and of itself was fun."

Suga: It's an unusual experience for an actor my age to be able to devote an entire year to a single role, isn't it? When playing a role, conveying the "joy" and "fun" of something was much greater than the "difficult."

"I see. It seems that Suga-kun's "pleasure" is being an actor itself. Then, on the other hand, were there any sad moments?"

Suga: Hmmm…The scene where Ren dies in the TV Special was really sad. While we were filming, I was thinking about everything that had happened up until that point…it felt like it was the final episode.

"There are multiple final episodes of Ryuki. There's the movie, the special, and the main show. As those who have seen the broadcast already know, there was an unprecedented development in the main story where the main character dies before the final episode."

Suga: I always wanted to die. If I could die in the show, then I could fulfill my role within in it…is the feeling I had. I didn't know I was actually going to die until I finally saw the episode's script. I read it for the first time on the travel bus, and cried straight throughout. As for the way in which he dies, it's entirely convincing.

Shinji, who had been in agony up untill that point, was finally able to let go of the burden he carried for so long and die. Shinji followed what he believed in, and in the end death awaited him…or rather, Shinji's Survive, wasn't it? (laughs).

Before, I would've been lost in all my choices, but now I was finally able to choose and follow through with what I believe in…like Shinji, I'm satisfied with it. Shinji had "nothing to point to," but in the end, I think he was able to show off "the strength that comes from having nothing"…is what I feel when filming (laughs). That's the point I hope to get across.

"You said you thought deeply about the theme of Ryuki for a while, and when producer Shirakura explained that among other things, the show was made based on the recent terrorist attacks in New York, you read articles on the subject."

Suga: It's becoming more difficult for people to understand what is "justice" and what is "evil" in the world. The same can be said about the world of Ryuki. I can't say for certain if what Shinji says is right. I can't really say if what Ren says is right either. Even now, I still don't have a clear answer as to what's right or wrong. But, I have a feeling like I'm starting to understand. For this, I think it's important for each and every one of us to ask ourselves, "What is justice?" I hope that through Ryuki, we've been able to convey these feelings to the audience.

"Many of the themes dealt with in ordinary televised dramas are that of love affairs. It's unique because usually, we only see such major themes taken seriously in longer running programs."

Suga: That's right. It can be hard for people to watch things that they don't understand. Even so, it's something that everyone should think about more!

The way Suga-kun makes his strong arguments seem to overlap with Shinji. His manager looked at him and laughed saying, "He seems to have grown a lot as a person over the past year." He was also praised on the set of another production, saying, "You're young, but you're good!" He feels that he has gotten alot out of Ryuki.

Suga: Even after the broadcast is over, I hope people will remember that this show existed and think, "This is what they were trying to say." As time passes and children become adults, I hope that they will still remember.

_

Satoshi Matsuda (Akiyama Ren) Interview (page 27,29)

"As human" Satoshi Matsuda

At a glance, Akiyama Ren of Kamen Rider Ryuki looks really cool. But, he is in fact, a very compassionate person. So what kind of person is Matsuda-kun, who played the role, really like? He says, "I don't like showing my true self," and we felt that there were no lies or bad faith in his words.

…

"In the past, I always looked at the people around me as rivals. It's much easier to think of them as enemies"

…

Matsuda: Good Morning.

The way he arrived made us feel as if an old acquaintance had come to visit. After hearing his voice, the nervous staff on set became oddly relaxed. He seems to be an unusual type an actor. When I told him that he was very natural, he laughed and said, "Yeah, my managers used to tell me that alot, they said I should become aware that I'm a celebrity.

Seeing him with relaxed shoulders, people say, he's a "nice guy," and "looks full of confidence." But what kind of person is the real Satoshi Matsuda?

"You write essays once a week on your blog "Matsuda Lab." Even when we read it, we can't see your true emotions."

Matsuda: Is that so? In the "lab" I intentionally write in such a way that the "image of Matsuda" is not particularly set. I thought it wouldn't be interesting to show my true character. If I did, I would lose the image of playing the role of "Akiyama Ren."

"Since the Fall, he's appeared in the Kansai regional TV program "Asa Cafe," which is an informational program, but he's also an actor, as he acts as the viewer's lover."

"Every 2 weeks he shoots 2 episodes while also filming Kamen Rider Ryuki. The opposite of Ren's character, he plays an upbeat and energetic character that speaks for 30 minutes straight. It's also understood that the script is as long as one episode of Ryuki."

Matsuda: At first I was under a lot of pressure, because all those lines were my lines. The crew comes from Osaka to Tokyo to shoot the program, and if they push back because the scene is NG (no good), they won't be able to make the last train home.

"Although he's busy filming every day, he's had his own TV show and has been featured in magazines and other media, over the past year, his popularity has increased rapidly."

Matsuda: I have to admit that the sudden boom worried me. I never thought I would be on an 8 a.m. Sunday morning show and not be able to walk the streets like a normal person…hmm.

"He had been aware of the recent tokusatsu boom from its start, which is why he took the audition. He had actually hoped this would boost his popularity. Still, he was baffled by the public frenzy."

Matsuda: One time, I was on site with a fever of 40C (104F). With the exception of the scenes I appeared in, I had to sit in a chair and cool my head with ice due to how bad it was. Then suddenly, while laying down, a random fan lifted my head with her hand and took a picture next to me. She and her friends then left saying, 'bye, until next time~." At the time, I got really angry. I was skeptical that such intense fans even existed…

"When something like that happens, I think, "What a weird world we're living in." On the flipside, he also has plenty of supportive fans that are loyal and kind."

Matsuda: I like to play games of catch when meeting with fans. I also write on the official fan site every day, so I'm close to them (laughs). I write at least 30 replies to fan letters every week.

"By the way, when you write for "Matsuda Lab," you don't reply to letters that end with "please reply."

Matsuda: I think that's what makes even the most favorable messages feel dull. I can't help but think they're thinking more about themselves than about me.

"He doesn't acknowledge those who call him "Knight," as he thinks, "they don't even know my name." Matsuda-kun is very sensitive to other people's feelings. Whenever someone offers true affection, he is almost like a cat, looking up at you as if asking, "Do you really mean it?"

Matsuda: I've always been sensitive to other people's feelings. Since I come from a single mother household, I felt as though I had to support my mother and sister. In the past, I always looked at the people around me as rivals. It was much easier to think of them as enemies. Especially when competing……

"Competing? Have you always competed with friends and the very world around you?"

Matsuda: I always thought so. However, when I came to Tokyo……on that day, I realized. I've noticed that "those guys I don't get along with," I ended up getting along with well later on. I thought to myself, "I've wasted time." Since then, I've never made assumptions about other people by our first meetings. I'm having a lot of fun meeting people, and opening one new door after another.

"And Ryuki, which brought you many good encounters, has also come to an end."

Matsuda: By the time this issue releases, the broadcast will be over. I wonder how everyone did…..There's always a discrepancy between the performance I imagine in my mind and the one that I actually do. This has been a difficult time for me, as I've been in a slump for over a month. The TV Special was the one were I made the least mistakes. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that I was able to create exactly what I had imagined in my mind. Where do I go from here? I have to develop into the person I see in my mind.

We're still uncertain of the type of person he is really is, but we really sensed his sincerity.

_

Ryohei x Takashi Hagino Interviews (Page 31)

"Heinous Men" Ryohei x Takashi Hagino

Zolda (Kitaoka) and Ouja (Asakura), arrived as two dark "Kamen Riders." Evil men who fight not for justice, but for the sake of his own desire. Money, appearance and of course, power. They already have these things, but are still hungry for more. And yet……women, for some reason, find men like them attractive? …

"I was certain I was a rider who would die much earlier (laughs)" "Well, it's a good thing you didn't die so easily"

… Hagino: Have you seen the script yet?

Hagino-san called out to Ryohei-san as soon as he arrived at the studio. He appears to be very enthusiastic. It's no surprise, the script for the ending had been delivered just yesterday. From the start, I asked them a very important question.

"Did you ever think that Asakura (Takashi Hagino) and Kitaoka (Ryohei) would be among the last riders that made it to the end?"

Hagino: Ah, no, not really (laughs)

Ryohei: Honestly, until just recently, I was certain I was a rider who would die much earlier (laughs).

Hagino: Well, it's a good thing you didn't die so easily (laughs). Don't you think overall, it expanded the story and made it more interesting?

"Asakura and Kitaoka are very involved with each other, but what kind of relationship do these two really have?"

Ryohei: I think maybe Asakura is instinctive, while Kitaoka is rational? They always get involved with each other because they're complete opposites. That's the kind of relationship they have.

Hagino: "Asakura is the kind of guy who just wants to fight. He thinks fighting has meaning, and will go off like a tea kettle at a moment's notice. So, when he goes to Kitaoka he'll say, "Oi, let's fight."

Ryohei: Kitaoka didn't want to help Asakura with his sentence, so he's the kind of guy who'll fight just for that reason. On top of that, Kitaoka is always provoking me (laughs).

Hagino: Yeah, and no matter how many times I'm caught, I'll just keep breaking out (laughs). In the first scene when Kitaoka and Asakura meet, the contrast between the inside and outside world, with a sheet of glass separating them, was very interesting to see.

"Come to think of it, it was impressive to see Asakura wearing a seat belt while driving the hijacked vehicle as he was trying to escape from prison (laughs)."

Hagino: Yeah, Asakura likes to wear a seat belt or even straitjackets. Even when he sleeps, he needs to be tied to something in order to feel safe (laughs).

"Regarding Asakura's character, wouldn't he have had plenty of chances to kill Kitaoka when he was in person?"

Ryohei: Like when he was on his knees (laughs). But for Asakura, fighting as a rider is far more pleasurable for him than fighting untransformed. That's why he brings out his Card Deck.

Hagino: Asakura naturally chooses to fight for the superior pleasure of fighting. He isn't afraid of dying, much less surviving to the end as a rider.

Ryohei: That's the difference between Kitaoka's and Asakura's fighting style. Kitaoka, who is fixated on living, tries to win by fighting as little as possible.

"Leaving the roles of Asakura and Kitaoka aside, how do Hagino-san and Ryohei-san feel about each other?"

Hagino: This type of question, it's not really a conversation, saying such stuff in front of each other like, "Well, Ryohei-san is (…), isn't he?"

"…No, that is a conversation (laughs)."

Hagino: "Well, Ryohei-san is cheerful and is the complete opposite of me. His character is so loud, that I once told him to shut up (laughs). But, I can't remember what he said in response.

Ryohei: Hagino-san doesn't say much, but his personality is that of a big brother.

Hagino: "Eh?! That's just not true. I'm just lonely. But, Ryohei, he makes everyone feel at ease."

"Do the two of you ever discuss your roles together?"

Hagino: We don't, and it's because I don't want to. If we talk about what we want to do or how we want to do it, how we plan on performing may need to be constantly adjusted. I think it's interesting to see how the two of us have developed separately when we end up bumping into each other. If the action is going to be intense, we'll talk about it beforehand.

Ryohei: I have no prior experience as an actor, so I just have to rely on my intuition. I didn't really understand the process of creating a role. But, thanks to the influence of Hagino-san, I think I'm beginning to understand a little more now.

"Finally, What are both of your future prospects, as well as a message to your fans."

Ryohei: Specifically, I'm scheduled to perform on stage this coming March, and would like to try out the realism of a live performance. I have not yet decided how I will proceed as an actor, so I'd like to challenge various other projects and improve my career in order to decide where I'd like to go from here.

Hagino: Any message for the fans?

Ryohei: "Ah, I will do my best in the future, so please lend me your support.

Hagino: Hey now, answer more thoroughly (laughs). I'll be releasing a photobook, so you'll be able to see Takashi Hagino from various different angles. I would like to play different roles in the future, so please continue to support me! To all the fans of the Ouja, I will show you all the final special attack of Genocider! It's going to be a blood bath…… I haven't seen Black Hole myself because it's CG, so I'm looking forward to the airing, and I'd personally love to put all the fans in that hole! (laughs).