#Like “yay… time to gear up my acting skills again”

[13personalities]

does anyone else ever feel like they have to exaggerate every emotion they have in order to seem like a functioning human being? Like I gotta use dramatic hand signs and dramatic expressions and everything even though I only feel like 15% of the actual emotion.

[honkster]

Yay meta

:)

1. Ranboo compared to the other anarchists of the server.

2. C!Tommy’s mental health.

3. C!Dream as an immortal insane god.

4. Ghostbur’s resurrection.

5. Who betrayed who Techno vs Tommy edition.

A bit of an after-thought - everyone on the SMP is traumatized. Absolutely everyone, no one is handling everything in a mentally healthy way. That’s why it’s meaningless to try to say what’s wrong and what’s right, that’s why it’s all morally grey - everyone is doing things because of their own warped perception of the world, the right and wrong blur when everyone thinks that they’re right and everyone else is wrong. Trying to justify someone’s actions with logic and moral righteousness is inherently time-wasting, because everyone is acting how their feelings let them at the time.

Saying who’s right or wrong, trying to figure out villains and good guys <<< Analyzing characters by their actions and trying to understand WHY rather than SHOUD THEY HAVE.

Probably a bit of a backwards way to say that I don’t care if Tommy or Techno are wrong in their argument - L’manburg was destroyed, Tommy thinks Techno is bad. That’s the end of that story, stay tuned for what Tommy’s gonna do now.

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#1

There is just a very huge difference between Ranboo and the other two anarchists of the server.

Ranboo, while being strong in his beliefs, is a non-violent person. Yes he’s stacked, yes he could fight, but he chooses to stay on the sidelines and just watch the action unfold. He’d rather listen in to people and then make conclusions about their actions and decide on things by himself. He’s hard to sway, Quackity may have softened his viewpoint slightly, and I genuinely hope that Ranboo follows through with that and decides that teams and groups is something that kind of needs to happen before the idea that all conflicts are a personal thing between two people can actually make sense. People are stronger together, especially those that don’t have good gear or pvp skills. The weaker people, the ones lower in the food chain, don’t have that many options for getting their point across. The server is already dominated by the strongest, most skilled, most geared people, and those are the people that matter, when it comes down to it.

Quackity is very much a unique case. He has managed to do with four people what L’manburg and all of its inhabitants didn’t manage for the longest time. He is very much a main player.

The other two anarchists are both very violent. Dream was always like that, he hasn’t shown a crumb of being able of change or considering a different opinion (extreme delusions or just extreme self-confidence? Either one makes him a prick), but Techno actually had an arc where he made the entirely wrong conclusions.

I don’t think I’ve talked about the Butcher Army much.

So Techno blew up Manberg, threatened to take down any government that sprouted up and then dipped. He made his little cottage, he went on a retirement arc, so on and so forth.

But then the Butcher Army formed.

And their one target was the pig.

And they went out of their way to track him down, to prepare to kill him, they arrived there and threatened him, and they said that it’s time for Techno to pay for his crimes, and they reacted how anyone else would when being attacked – they attacked too. They took his horse to get him to stop, they brought him up for execution, they didn’t manage to kill him, but they switched targets once they realized that they can’t actually kill him while literal god is on his side, helping him.

The conclusion there wasn’t that government is evil and abuses its power. It’s that violence is paid forward with violence.

It doesn’t really matter that Techno misunderstood. Either way he would’ve returned to good old Blood for the Blood God Technoblade, but I fear that this event reinforced his very wrong belief that government is the source of ALL problems on the server.

If he would say that government is the cause of MAJOR conflicts that wouldn’t happen if government didn’t exist, yeah! Yeah, I agree with that actually. But he’s saying that EVERY conflict is because of government.

The disc war was not because of government.

The Pet War was not because of government.

Most of the rivalries of the server are not because of government.

Tommy was not… Actually (yeah Tommy was exiled because of government and the fact that the sentimentality for L’manburg seemed very important at that point. Things shouldn’t be more important than people, people you can’t just replace. But…) Dream specifically when he went after Tommy targeted L’manburg. If the country didn’t exist, Dream probably would have gone about it another way, probably one more difficult, but he wouldn’t have involved all these people whose only connection to one another is a flimsy city built on stilts. I still hate how Techno refuses to acknowledge that Dream WAS the cause of Tommy’s exile, not government.

But what if Techno was big brain?

Yeah, things shouldn’t be more important than people. Is that what he’s suggesting? That government favors power over giving up land/buildings/countries for their people, knowing that if they lost their country they would no longer have power?

That would be very interesting!… If his actions actually indicated this.

Techno didn’t chunk error L’manburg because he thought those buildings gave power to someone over another. He did it out of revenge, claiming that it still lined up with his anarchist beliefs and that he was doing good. Techno released withers, the most destructive and hard-to-kill mob available to the server, he stalled while Dream essentially set up nukes above the city. They didn’t do this out of kindness and want for the people to have freedom, they KILLED the people that they were so “graciously” “saving”.

Technoblade and Dream are both violent anarchists who misunderstood what the word means. They don’t seek order in the chaos, they don’t seek a peaceful anarchy, they just want blood.

Which makes me very worried for Ranboo. I don’t think that he will get influenced by the two, if the two ever come back together to stir up shit again. I don’t think Ranboo is going to believe Technoblade when he says that government is the cause of ALL problems, because Ranboo doesn’t just hate the factions of the server. He has said that Dream is the reason for a lot of conflict on the server, he understands what Dream is up to. If he will agree with Techno at the beginning, he certainly will find issue in Techno considering Dream a worthy ally.

I just hope that Techno LISTENS for at least once in his life.

(But I won’t be too sad if it’s Phil Ranboo manages to convince. Might actually be easier to get through to anarchist pig Blade that way…)

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#2

I worry for c!Tommy’s mental health.

I know this probably is never going to get addressed rather than that one tiny little plot point where he got exiled for no reason but being as resilient as Tommy is, so constantly himself without apology, so constantly in everyone’s faces and just out there so much, so purposefully annoying just because it’s entertaining for him… I don’t think he’s alright.

The many times he has been beaten down, how many times people have battled him and won, how many times he’s told to shut up and just take it – it makes you wonder how come he hasn’t just given up by now and toned it down so people stop hating him.

Yeah, he’s resilient. Yeah, he’s annoying that way. But I seriously doubt that he can take all that he takes and still be perfectly okay.

One insult means nothing. One time can be just a made up thing to make you pissed off.

Same thing twice? Someone’s just mocking you.

Three times? Wow okay these guys must all be friends and they gossip about me!

Four times?… Hey how big is your friend group exactly?

Five times?…

Six times?…

Seven?…

How about 20.

No matter how ridiculous something that someone noticed about you may be, if repeated enough times, you almost sub-consciously start to believe it. Lots of people notice this – hey I can also notice it!

C!Tommy being annoying on purpose, saying that it’s just entertaining for him… Doesn’t that sound like a really depressing thing to enjoy? Something that garners you so much attention you literally get exiled?

And the fact that, even during Dream enforcing the exile, even when he escaped, when he appeared in Techno’s house and huddled under it like a raccoon, he was still so painfully annoying you just want to punt him?… Does that really sound like just a funny pastime for him and not a defense mechanism against all of the shit people put him through, something that he does out of habit because even though it gets him in trouble a lot of the time, it’s also the only way he can actually react to events and people threatening him, cause what is he gonna do, actually threaten them and get them to leave that way?

I dunno this may be dumb… I may be projecting slightly… Wondering where all of his resilience comes from when actual good things that happened because of him versus the bad things that people constantly blame him for… Sir where do you get that strength and how can I sell my soul for it?

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#3

Oh I’ve written characters that think of awful, violent things as fun…

I actually really like those characters.

I don’t know why I always make them the most traumatized, split-personality, abused and manipulated victims-turned-absolute-monsters.

No wait I do know why.

BECAUSE IF YOU THINK THAT CAUSING PAIN TO OTHERS IS A FUN TIME AND YOU WANT TO DO IT AS OFTEN AS YOU CAN JUST TO SEE THEIR EXPRESSION OF PAIN, THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH YOU.

Dream’s no different. We haven’t seen much of him, other than his motivation and the fact that he goes the wrong way about thinking of means to get to the end. He hasn’t revealed a traumatic past or any real reason why he targets only one person if torturing everyone on the server would probably be way more “fun”.

But he is called god.

And THAT lines up with one of my favorite things to talk about!

Immortals :D

You see the whole concept of a god or an immortal being is at its core something we shouldn’t comprehend. Death and the fact that it will happen can be counted as a reason for a lot of our motivations, so how does it affect one’s thinking if one of our core reasons for life is erased?

I can dump a whole philosophical essay here but I feel like it is highly unnecessary. Dream, as an immortal god on the server, has access to stuff that many people have to grind hours of their life for. This twists his perception of the value of certain items, and also certain actions. The fact that he cannot die also affects that perception, and in his long life he has probably had the same thoughts a lot of immortals have – few things are meaningful in life, few are worth sacrificing things for and few are just as immortal as they are.

This, of course, can cause a little thing called an existential crisis, and it can break an immortal, especially if they were once human and most definitely mortal. We don’t know for sure what Dream is, but assuming either scenario makes his pursuit of fun and drama valid.

If he was once a human and by some dark magic gained immortality, his want to see how humans react to things being destroyed, or how humans fold under torture, may be a twisted way of analyzing himself, trying to understand how he could be a part of them, trying to reconnect with his old self, attempts to return to the mortal plane, there are many options but all firmly lead into “this is just a fun experiment for him”. How people throw mentos in a bowl and pour coke over it just to see an explosion. That’s Dream with the SMP.

If he was always a god, then it gets even more interesting (and thematically relevant!). He never understood these creatures that run around and desperately try to prevent death while simultaneously causing so much of it. If Dream doesn’t understand mortals and death as a concept, then his view of them, based on what he’s seen of the SMP, is that humans SEEK violence, and drama, and pain, and harm. They purposefully create meaningless things to then give them meaning and then feel pain over them. He is utterly confused by humans, but he also understands them quite well.

Taunted, insulted? Retaliate with force.

A country that demands peace? Blow it to smithereens.

A sentimental thing that you could literally replace within a fraction of a life, a little thing of pride that you were able to acquire?

It can control people.

And he seems to understand THAT concept of humanity perfectly well. The want for power, the seeking of control, the simple want to somehow be above your equals, somehow stand out and be admired.

Dream grasps that concept so well he might as well be human.

I don’t know if this humanity side of Dream will be his hubris, if the weakness he acquired from humans – sentimentality over objects that can very easily be replaced and mean nothing in the grand scheme of things – may actually come back after he so rudely pushed it away.

We don’t know enough about this guy. We can make some conclusions, sure, but uh… The simple fact that he causes chaos for fun means that whatever we may think the reason for his motivations is, we will probably fail to understand him as long as we think logically.

C!Dream is an absolute prick. I want to punt him.

But I won’t until he explains why he chose to be a bad copy of the Joker with immortality sprinkled on the fucked up cake.

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#4

Wilbur is coming back into the plot!

Not that Ghostbur isn’t important to the plot. His character is just stagnant because in order to give him proper char development you need to address some very serious mental issues and that’s not exactly something the SMP does often. (Most serious I’ve seen it is Tommy’s exile arc and maybe Fundy’s adoption stream)

So they’re bringing back Alivebur. What could possibly go wrong?

Everything. Literally everything.

I talked about it once, how if Ghostbur’s character wants to reach peace – finish his arc – firstly he has to confront his trauma. At the same time I said that if he was brought back to life, it could hinder his already done little progress of adapting to ghost life and probably reset him. Very certain conditions would have to be met in order for Ghostbur to gain something out of being brought back to life, and a lot of those conditions lean on Alivebur coming back as a certain “version” of himself, which cannot be predicted simply because there isn’t a resident ghost expert on the server. No one knows how these idiots work.

The worrying thing is that they are most definitely bringing back Alivebur. There wouldn’t be need for this plot otherwise. So they will definitely succeed, Alivebur will definitely be brought back, and he will be important to the plot.

What can we theorize about knowing those things?

Mmmm… Isn’t it weird that Ghostbur said he wants to quit being Ghostbur after L’manburg was destroyed? Is it a want to stop ignoring bad things that are happening, since he knows he is going to forget this and move on and he doesn’t want to keep escaping anymore? That’s a good motivation.

Or is it because Ghostbur is like the old spirit of L’manburg, both connected to it physically and mentally? Would Alivebur want L’manburg back, considering that was his only goal in his life, to destroy it, or is he finally going to feel fulfilled that it is over and his obsession with it can die?

I dunno! I have no idea what part they want Wilbur to play in the upcoming plot. It’s very unclear if Wilbur is going to be a side character that moves the plot in little ways or if he’s going to become the main character again or if, and this is probably my most likely theory, the resurrection fails at first and it leads the whole gang, with Ghostbur up front, down weird paths that somehow end with Dream.

(Cause we all know that guy is not going to just write himself out of the plot if he can instead continue being the villain)

It all feels like it’s going to connect, finally. All of the main people from the past getting back into the spotlight in a very convoluted plot to get one of them back into the land of the living.

Don’t really know though. Wondering how resurrection works, that’s all. Knowing that info, may be possible to make a better theory.

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#5

There is no one right in the “Tommy betrayed Techno” vs “Tommy realized Techno is not a good influence on him” argument. Neither one is right, but neither one is completely wrong. Neither character is in the right, or in the wrong, and it doesn’t really matter who’s right or wrong in this scenario, fact is it happened and the people reacted how they did.

There is only one thing to say about Techno and Tommy, and probably the only thing I’m kinda feeling very strongly about.

Sometimes the refusal to be swayed to another side or believing in yourself gets you called selfish.

That’s both about Techno and Tommy.

And a lot of other people on the server.

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Here’s a cookie for reading all of that. I can also bake your favorite muffin if you want :3

[weekly-todoroki-meetups]

Bonus- Mirko’s mission pt.1

Mirko: So that’s the plan that Fufu asked me to fulfil! Want to be my partner in crime?

Ryuko:

Ryuko: That seems like a stupid plan. Why are you doing it?

Mirko: Cause my little bunny boo asked me to and I get to hit Hawks with a softball bat!

Ryuko *strokes chin and looks thoughtful*: Both valid points- Especially the last.

Mirko: I know! The Todoroki’s had me the moment they said that~

Ryuko: Very well- But I want to hit Hawks with the softball bat.

Mirko: What no, I get to do that! You can hit either Endeavour or Hawks boyfriend- I don’t know exactly who he is. Apparently he’s Fufu’s brother who needs redeeming.

Ryuko: You do know if Endeavour or Hawks reports this you’re screwed?

Mirko: WHO CARES! I want to show Fufu I’m not somebunny who’s a random side character- I’m a main!

Ryuko: What does that mean? Are you-

Mirko: Breaking the fourth wall? YES. So just ignore that comment, it wasn’t for you~

Ryuko: Oh dear. You’re in the wrong cinematic universe- Fox will have your head if they realise you ripped off the rip-off Spider-Mans main thing.

Mirko: HA. I REGRET NOTHING. So will you join me?

Ryuko *Sigh*: I have decided I shall. If you’re going to get arrested, at least have a friend at you side.

Mirko: YAY! AND I THOUGHT YOU DIDNT CARROT ALL!

Ryuko: One thing- How are we doing this?

Mirko: FURRY SUITS. BASEBALL BATS. J-POP.

Ryuko:

Ryuko: You’re not *bleeping* serious.

Mirko: I AM.

Ryuko *Starts to walk away*: On second thought-

Mirko: Too late, you agreed~

Mirko: *Grabs her shoulders, wrapping her arm around her shoulder and motioning in front of them*

Mirko: Now marvel at our future as a gang who will capture the top two pros and a confused chicken nugget! See it shine gloriously before us! *Gestures in front of them*

Ryuko *Raised eyebrow*: Firstly, Why is our third victim a chicken nugget-

Mirko: Last I checked, Hawks last true love was a 24 pack of McNuggets, so I’m assuming his current love is a chicken nugget-

Ryuko: Secondly, why is our future a discount Sports outlet? *Is referring to the sports shop they are standing out the front of and what Mirko is gesturing at*

Mirko: Because I don’t want to invest in expensive sports gear!

Ryuko: You’re rich.

Mirko: And spent all my money on the rest of the things we need for this stunt!

Ryuko: Oh god what did I agree to.

Mirko: Who knows!

Ryuko: I need to get funeral insurance and sign my will.

Mirko: That’s the spirit! Our teamwork skills are going to be so much fun together~

Ryuko: Teamwork? What is that?

Mirko: Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself! Especially when you’re doing something highly illegal!

Ryuko:

[Later]

(They’re standing out the front, dressed in black with bandanas covering their mouths. Mirko and Ryuko both have rope tied to their shoulders and softball bats- Ryuko has a bag)

Mirko: And they live here~

Ryuko: What a nice place- *Dripping with sarcasm* Except for the grave sized hole at the front and the piles of ash covering it. Definitely not suspicious.

Mirko: That’s probably nothing- Ready?

Ryuko: I said I was 10 minutes ago.

Mirko: I’ll take that as a yes!

(Runs up to door, knocks as Ryuko waves her hands, facepalms, angrily whispers and looks confused as Mirko waits)

Ryuko *Angry Whispers*: My god, have you never heard of a stealth mission? You don’t just knock on the door!

Mirko: Why not? I don’t see any problem with it.

Ryuko: Because whoever answers is bound to be suspicious!

Mirko: Not if I hit them quick enough~

Ryuko: Oh god...

(The door opens, Hawks behind it. He raises his eyebrow)

Hawks: Mirko! *Sees outfit, bat, rope and bag* Should I be worried?

Mirko:

Mirko: No, no! Of course not- *Whistles tune- Attempts to hide bat behind back while Ryuko facepalms in the background*

Hawks *Suspicious*: Alright, alright. Why are you standing out the front of my house with softball bats and dressed like thrift shop ninjas?

Ryuko: BECAUSE- *Walks up and steps in front of Mirko* We came to kidnap your neighbour! We were just coming to ask if you’d mind ignoring any screams and ruckus you hear.

Hawks: Why are you kidnapping my neighbour?

Mirko *Leans on doorframe, does Jake Peralta impression*: Offical hero business- Ask no questions, get no answers.

Hawks: Right. Not suspicious at all.

Ryuko: *cough* Like that body shaped hole in your front yard *cough*

Hawks: Oh no, that’s just where I bury stuff that I leave around the house- I dug it up recently to throw away some unneeded jeans!

Hawks *Narrows eyes and grins*: It’s actually hilarious- They went out of season like Best Jeanist’s will to fight!

Mirko:

Ryuko:

Mirko: That seemed to hint at something ominous and foreshadowing

Ryuko: And psychotic-

Hawks: HAHA HILARIOUS IGNORE I SAID THAT. Anyways! Want to come in for a tea break? I’m sure you have time before you kidnap my neighbour!

Mirko and Ryuko: *Look at each other, then Hawks, then each other again- His eyes are glinted in a weird way*

Both: Sure...

(Hawks lets them in, they take of their shoes and sit at the table. Half of the chairs in the room are faced backwards. Some chicks are sitting on the table- They look like they’re in their teenish years. Hawks has gone to the kitchen to make tea)

Mirko: Chickens!

Ryuko: Oh yum.

Hawks: *Le gasp*

Hawks: *Points teaspoon at Ryuko aggressively*

Hawks: Bish, if you touch my children I will cut you.

Ryuko: With a teaspoon? I’m filled to the brim with terror.

Hawks: *Deadpan* Hah no, with my feathers.

Hawks: *Suddenly Enthusiastic as he pulls a large feather blade off and caress’s it* I’d slowly cut open your throat so that you can feel the pain without dying to quickly, then make a new cut going from your chest down to your stomach in a way that allows your organs to slowly fall out- Of course, starting from the middle of your throat slit and going down! That’s leaving out the fun little details that I’d add to make your pain ever worse- *Slightly dreamy* I’d be relishing the muffled gasps you’d make and the pleas you’d try to say but couldn’t because I’d pull your voice box out and shove it back down your throat through your mouth! Then I’d use this little teaspoon to scoop your eyes out and put them with your voicebox so that when you try to scream you’ll choke yourself to death! That’s of course is you weren’t dead by that point already~

Ryuko *Gulps*:

Mirko *Disturbed*: Mate. Mate.

Mirko: *Blinks- Is holding one chicken, looks at it then Hawks, slowly without breaking eye contact puts it down and steps back from it, still keeping eye contact as Hawks watches. The chick clucks*

Ryuko: Jesus Christ

Mirko: What the *bleep* man

Hawks: *Laughs, grins at them and brings over tea*

Hawks: It was just a joke, don’t worry! *Sudden intensity* But I’d totally act on it if you put my kiddos in danger!

Mirko: Lets not do that then...

Ryuko: *Eyes chick then Hawks, who is sipping his tea and looking at her* Sounds good!

Mirko: Anyways Hawks, how are you going? You’ve been fairly low key all in all these last few months.

Hawks: *Sits down on chair backwards so he’s facing the table and shrugs, sipping his tea*

Hawks: I’ve been having a break, doing more undercover work, that type of thing~

Ryuko: Fun.

Mirko: Interesting- SO. Any plans-

Hawks: Hush your sweet lips- *Leans over table and puts a finger to her mouth* You do know I know what’s going on here right? It’s so obvious!

Mirko and Ryuko:

Mirko and Ryuko: *Both look at each other, than the tea, than Hawks*

Ryuko: Oh thank god! You’re smart enough to tell what we’re actually doing- even an idiot would be able to work out what’s happening! And here I thought you wouldn’t-

Hawks: *Waves hand*

Hawks: How could I not know my best friends besty isn’t straight! I’m totally surprised you didn’t come out sooner, but now you’re here asking for advice from a fellow gay!

Mirko:

Ryuko:

Hawks: Why do you think I made tea? To drink? It’s because- *Tips tea out next to him on to floor* We’re here to spill the tea!

Mirko *Puts hands in face and groans*: Dude no...

Ryuko: Nevermind I take back everything I said-

Hawks: Don’t worry sis! I’m totally prepared for this- Ryuko was hard to read at first but now it’s totally obvious!

Ryuko: Hawks I’m not-

Hawks: Straight? Don’t worry! *Wraps arm around her shoulders and does the classic Buzz lightgear gesture*

Hawks: Welcome to the gay side my friend! We have rainbows and pride~

Mirko: *Trying not to laugh*

Ryuko: But I’m not-

Hawks: I know, I know! Don’t worry, you’re just in denial!

Ryuko: *Bangs fist on table and grabs mouth, shaking with laughter.*

Hawks: That’s why me and Mirko are here to help! We’re both gay and can show you how to navigate through these weird, new feelings of being attracted to people of the same gender! You won’t go through this alone- you know why?

Hawks *Has almight voice on*: BECAUSE WE ARE HERE! To council you through your gay times~

Mirko: Ohmygoshyouturnedhimimtoaprideucon! GOD- *Tears In eyes and laughing as Ryuko looks at Hawks in horror, removing his arm like it was some sort of gay biohazard*

Ryuko: I respect you and your opinions Hawks, but I’m not gay.

Hawks *Facepalms* Ah that’s right! You’re a lesbian! Not gay, that’s with guys. *Wiggles eyebrows and burst out laughing as Ryuko blushes and buries her face in her hands*

Mirko: *Is banging hand and head on table roaring with laughter*

Ryuko: MY *Bleeping* GOD I AM THIS CLOSE TO HITTING YOU WITH MY BAT-

Hawks: *Elbows her and chuckles* You wouldn’t do that!

Mirko: Mate, I think she’s actually serious.

Hawks: Nah- I’m just having fun! Coming out is stressful, I know, but at least we’re supportive! When I came out my parents blamed it on my mutant quirk, or vice versa, I never knew, then forced me to date girls. Little did they now that made me fed up withGoes deadpan and leans in to Fuyumi and Ryuko, whispering* I’m still 100% she’s gay thought because of that message you accidentally send to me that was meant Endeavours dau- *WHACK*

Ryuko: HUSH THOSE SWEET LIPS NUMBER 2!

Mirko: WAIT WHAT?!

Ryuko: NOTHING! HE SAID NOTHING- *Is behind Hawks with bat- She clearly just hit him- She whacks him again*

Hawks: *Has a look of surprise on his face, blinking* Ouch. *Faceplants on to table unconscious*

Mirko: AMIGO DID HE SAY-

Ryuko: That doesn’t matter, we should just ignore that!

Mirko: NO WE SHOULDN’T!

Ryuko: ANYWAYS! Why don’t we get into those furry costumes and whatever, throw this nerd into the boot and kidnap the final person on our list?

Mirko:

Mirko: Fine- But I’m hitting the next person- Got it mate?

Ryuko: *Phew* Yup!

Mirko: Now get into your costume partner and let’s kidnap the problem child of the bunch!

[lemonietrinket]

Ethereal Eyes ||| Yeosang x Reader

Summary: Thinking of the perfect Christmas present isn’t easy, and for Yeosang, he wants everything to be perfect for his girl. It’s a shame ideas don’t seem to be coming to him... Genre: Fluff, teensy bit of angst, mostly fluff tho, some comedy! Warning(s): None, unless you hate angst or something, but it’s really really small, a tiny insecurity, nothing to worry about Word Count: 1748 Theme Song: Days Gone By - Day6 AN: December 7th & 8th prompt combined - Christmas present shopping and Christmas present wrapping (credit @songi-writes). I cannot think of a title for this one so my apologies. I may change it later oop—also Days Gone By is also the song that plays as the fic fades out all cinematically and as the writer you can’t tell me otherwise haHA!

~~~

Bundles of bouncing fluff bounding around ‘snowy’ pens, chirrups and twitters echoing over crackled Christmas songs, the swathes of smiling people laughing with the children as they picked out a best friend for their growing years.

Yeosang felt out of place, on his own, leaning over a fence, fingers reaching down to a tawny rabbit with a lopsided ear to gently rub his tiny head.

He was just waiting for you, after splitting up to cover as much ground as possible to get all the presents you needed. Neither of you had wanted to, he desperately just wanted to hold your hand, but if you’d gone round together it would have taken twice as long, and eaten into his schedule and you would never allow that—even if he was much more lenient when it came to it.

He still wasn’t sure what to get you for Christmas. He’d got everyone’s gifts besides yours. He hadn’t panicked before, but now it was starting to seep in.

Just as the little rabbit hopped away, his phone rang.

Confused, he picked it up, and then instantly yanked his head away from the phone, the shouts of the dorm over the receiver ringing in his ears.

There was a few calls demanding quiet and hissed hushes until eventually Seonghwa’s voice echoed over the line. “Yeosang?”

“Hyung, hi, is everything ok?” he replied sheepishly, eyes scanning the room for any inquisitive—or worse: irritated—faces looking at him accusatively. He found only one, and after nodding an apology, the lady indignantly turned away. She scoffed, but it allowed him to breathe a sigh of relief. 

“Oh, yes, everything is just fine. Nothing out of the normal.”

“Hyung, how do you even...” he searched for the right words, “cope...? W-with all of that?” He was so glad he’d moved out.

“What, the members?” There was a chuckle, interrupted by another yell. It sounded like San. God alone knows over what. “To be honest, I have no idea.”

Confused, but unsurprised, Yeosang opted to change the subject. “Seonghwa-hyung, can I help you at all?”

“Ah, yes, Hongjoong-ah wanted to know what Y/N likes. For her Christmas present.”

“Oh, has he not bought one yet? I thought he said he had?” he asked, looking back to the rabbits hopping around their little arena. He felt guilty for even asking that. It wasn’t like he’d bought her one yet either, and he was her boyfriend. Did that make him a bad partner?

“Truth is, none of us have. He just wanted to know so we could organise a group-present, something big perhaps,” Seonghwa sighed, “I told him it was a bad idea, that he’ll never get everyone to agree, not with an entire Yunho and San—and between you and me, a whole Hongjoong—in the house, but he wouldn’t listen. Anyway, maybe a few ideas would help?”

“Oh, yes of course, well, my girlfriend, she is quite—”

At that moment, there was a knock from the outside of the nearby window. His head flicked up, hoping it was the person he wanted to see.

As his eyes met yours, he immediately stood up, struggling to contain his happiness.

“Sorry, hyung, she’s right outside right now, so I’ve got to go, talk later!”

He heard Seonghwa begin to protest calmly in the way he always did when someone was inevitably about to do something he didn’t approve of, like chase a drone or play The Floor is Lava, but it did nothing, much like always, since Yeosang ended the call and dropped his phone back in his pocket without a second thought.

He didn’t hesitate, heading out of the door without a single glance over his shoulder, running over and very nearly knocking heads with you by how close he was when he came to a stop.

“Hey sweetheart,” you greeted, shifting your cacophony of shopping bags further up your arm.

He threw his hands into yours, bringing your fingers to his lips to shower them with kisses, as his beautiful eyes stared into yours relentlessly. “Hi,” he whispered sweetly.

“Have you got everything you need?” you asked with a giggle, trying to retain his gaze, but giving in to let your eyes drop to your hands.  You prayed that his answer would be a yes, you just wanted to go home and hide from the world with him under a blanket.

He hummed in thought, before nodding. “I think so.”

“Yay!” you cheered quietly, placing a kiss on his hand before pulling him by it, leading him towards the train station. Your eyes passed the window of cute animals, getting caught on the sight of a small girl holding a puppy above her head as if it was Simba.  You couldn’t help but smile, but it also sparked a thought in your own head. 

Yeosang had just come from there.

Was he buying you a...?

You couldn’t stop yourself from prying. You were an adult! You were allowed to avoid surprises now and ask about your presents, right? “Hey,” you swung his hand at your side to get his attention (as if you didn’t already have it—let’s face it he’d been captured by your face again so he was already staring right at you), “why were you in a pet store?”

He paused, unsure of an answer himself. “Uh...”

“Last time I checked, we don’t have a pet...” You added ‘yet’ in your head.

“No, we do not,” he agreed.

“Were you buying one? For someone?” you added quickly.

He sighed, shaking his head. “No, I was just waiting for you, and didn’t know where to go so I went in there. It was warm. And the animals are kind of cute.”

“Oh, I see...!”

You let your head fall, trying to hide your disappointment.

Your optimistic side wanted to believe that that’s what someone who was buying you a pet would say. But you could hear the genuine undertones in his voice.

Oh well, the present he would give you would surely be amazing anyway.

He watched your face fall and instantly regretted his words, even though he wasn’t sure what it was that he’d said that had hurt you, or if it was what he said at all.

What had he done?

.

.

.

Back home, and sat up the dining table, surrounded by a multitude of slates of red and silver and gold, shimmering in the already-dimming sunlight, Yeosang was pouting.

He wouldn’t call himself a perfectionist, but he liked things to be well done and neat. And his wrapping, in his eyes, was not going well.

The thing was, it wasn’t half-bad at all, but he’d looked at your wrapping one too many times, with your precision and calligraphic handwriting, and couldn’t look at his slightly rustically wrapped presents with the same appreciative eye.

You’d noticed his puffed out cheeks and smiled reassuringly. “Sweetheart, your wrapping is fine! Don’t worry about it.”

“Yeah, but...”

“No buts!” you asserted. “You aren’t comparing your wrapping to mine, right?”

He shrugged, ears bleary. “I know I shouldn’t, I just... wish I could do what you do.”

“Honey,” you sighed pleadingly, hand reaching across the table to hold his, “I run a craft business that you don’t have time to help out in, it’s no surprise that your wrapping lacks the professional finesse,” you explained, hastily continuing, “but that doesn’t mean it’s bad! It means yours looks like you meant it, and took some time to do it. Mine just looks like I mixed up my friends with my clients!” You laughed, picking at one of the corners of the jewellery box you’d finished covering. “I should really make mine look more like yours, if I want to look genuine.”

He exhaled in a chuckle. “Sure, I guess.”

Not convinced, you continued, “Also, I wish that I could do the things you do—sing, dance, model, act, stare into people’s souls and make them spill everything they know because your eyes are so deep... but how useful would sharing the same skill set be?”

You’d made a good point, one of which he couldn’t disagree with. 

“Please don’t compare yourself to others, Yeosangie,” you pleaded softly, “you’re of a completely different level to everyone else—”

He tried to interject but you shushed him, pressing a finger to his parted lips.

“—and so comparing you to another would be like comparing a star to a campfire. Gosh, you’re so damn beautiful, Yeosang, as an entire being. And I know you can’t see it but I wish you could, I’d do anything for you to see yourself through those ethereal eyes of yours as you see everyone else.”

Your words had moved him, and he felt his heart sink and rise over and over, as if caught in the crests of a turbulent sea. He blinked, speechless and taking a deep breath, worked up the courage to look down at his handiwork.

Perhaps it wasn’t so bad after all.

“You ready to carry on?” you enquired.

Your answer was a smile, and the request for the roll of sellotape. 

Cheering internally, you grinned back, passing him the tape and booping him on the nose as he leant across the table to meet you halfway.

“Yah, that’s my little bunny,” you cooed, deliberately being corny just to elicit a reaction.

And his grimace was exactly what you were after, sending you into a fit of giggles. “Hey, I’m not that bad!” you resisted, words rushed as you struggled to keep another burst of laughter at bay. 

It was that moment though that sparked his brain into gear, bequeathing him with the perfect idea for your Christmas gift.

How had he not thought of this before?

Admittedly it would be a little bit expensive, yes, but with some help from the guys still stuck at the dorm sharing their rooms the losers hehe it could quite easily become a reality.

And it would also help them out in the predicament in trying to work out what to get his girlfriend for Christmas.  Two birds, one stone. 

Genius Kang Yeosang.

“Yeosangie?”  You had your head tilted to match his own, which he’d knocked to the side subconsciously as he thought.

“Yes, love?”

“You ok there? You... really zoned out then.”

“Ah,” he nodded vigorously, “yes! Everything is... perfect! Let’s get these presents wrapped.”

It only occurred to him then, the question of how he was supposed to be able to wrap up a rabbit hutch.

~~~

AN: Welp this turned out longer than expected again. Yeosang is working his way up my bias list—slowly, gradually, but up nonetheless—and it’s slightly scary. 

Masterlist

(edited 22/01/2020)

[trillianswan]

Ch 42 is in the works...

I’m back to writing again (yay, me! wasn’t sure I could get the gears turning again tbh) and Chapter 42 of TELL MAMA, whose working title is It Goes By So Fast, is 10K and counting, so you will be well-rewarded in your patience. In quantity, at least, I’ll let you judge the quality. :) Changed the plan and I’m not skipping to Teddy being three, but am taking a fast-paced trip through his infancy up through age 3. My first scene with Teddy’s POV was so fun to write! Why did I think I didn’t want to write any parent fic? My own son is 15 and I miss his 3 year old self. He used to say, after he’d worked something out, “This is how we doose it, Mommy.” I am trying to use that word but don’t know how to spell it. It’s pronounced like “do” but with an z-sound at the end. (I’m going with “doose”, but if you come up with something better, let me know.) I’m hoping to finish the last scene today and start editing. Hoping for a Monday post, but if it gets beta’d, maybe Wednesday.

And if anyone’s curious, my show went off like a firework, I had a great time with an outstanding cast that made me work so hard to keep up with them (per usual, with this company), and the reviews were stellar. “A guilty pleasure to watch” (because I was a villain, I guess?), “[performed with] skillful delight���, “made Alice so likeable... [we were all] willing accomplices to her treachery”, and “outstanding acting chops”! I’m feeling pretty f’ing pleased with myself. Now I’m back to the art I barely know how to do, but getting back to the Village feels good, too. I missed Mama. :) Hope you did too. I’ve gotten 200+ hits since I went on hiatus, so that’s good! And at least you’ll have a lot to read while you’re stuck at home waiting out the virus. Stay well, everyone! Love to all!

[missguomeiyun]

all packed for Vancouver!

Hello & good afternoon, everyone!

Just finished packing for my 4-day trip to Vancouver & decided to share with you what I’ve packed. I’m a light packer & I know a lot of ppl say the same about themselves (but they’re actually not!), so I will let you decide & make a judgment about me at the end of this post :P I feel like a lot of the things I pack are the same regardless of where I go; the more one travels, the better one gets at packing & being familiar with what type of traveler they are. Although I am a light packer, the issue I have is that I love to shop & I tend to buy lots when I’m traveling (or at least, a good amount as in to maximize the luggage weight allowance & luggage space without having to pay extra lol) - as a result, I don’t think I can be a backpacker. Furthermore, I’m a simple girl but as an INTJ, I’m thorough & detail-oriented (& prepare for various situations that might unexpectedly arise). I bring what I use everyday (going to work, going out with friends...) & I am also allllllmost against the “travel-sized” concept - I simply don’t believe in buying smaller portions of stuff for the sake of traveling.. .

[I’m going with a backpack & 1 carry-on suitcase, which I won’t be checking in]

Electronics (will be in my backpack): on the left are my Instax mini gear (camera, a make-up bag as a case so I can also put in my mini photo holder & extra film). I’m bringing my netbook with me this time bcos I feel like I would run out of space on my phone during the trip, & then my portable charger. Have the netbook & charger together so I can take them out & go thru security easily. On the right, a bag for my cords/cables (phone charger, portable charger cable, netbook cord).

According to Air Canada, for 1 person’s carry-on (in total; includes all carry-on luggage), the rule is: “max. 10 x <100mL liquids & gels”. These items are all I have (may have 1-2 more if I’m traveling overseas): face cleanser (I usually have a few going at home & I try to pick the one that is a) <100mL & b) running low so that I can toss it & won’t have to bring it back home); lens cleaner; CC cream (if traveling overseas, I will bring a BB cream as well); 2-in-1 shampoo in a reusable dispenser (I fill it just enough so I can empty it; I’m not picky with body wash/soap so I’m fine with whatever the place has provided); a multi-purpose lotion/cream; toothpaste; facial moisturizer; & a small hand sanitizer.

& again, 1 bag for all of them so easy take-out from backpack.

If I’m going overseas & check-in a piece of luggage, the contents in the bag would be different, obviously ;) however, the approach, for me, would be the same - try to use up ‘nearing-end’ products. You can, of course, throw things out but I hate wasting things I spent money on if it’s still useable & all. I have an overseas trip REALLY soon so I’ll have a packing post when the time comes =]

PS: will also be in backpack.

This might be a little absurd for some ppl (esp since I’m going to a well-developed destination) lol but uhh yeah towels (1 small, 1 medium) & toothbrush - mainly bcos of sanitary reasons.

What’s in my pouch?! Let’s take everything out!

PS: I’m not a make-up junkie :D

I have a face mask (also brought 2 more for my 2 companions), a dual mirror + oil blotting sheet gadget (I have classic combo skin type so my T-zone gets oily easily), a Face Shop lip liner that I use as lipstick, a Tony Moly eye brow liner that I absolutely love the texture of so I use it as eyeliner instead (it’s great! It doesn’t smear); a Sephora white eyeliner that I use for eyeshadow (again, bcos I’m not skilled in makeup-stry, I freestyle with that I have), Nivea lip balm, bobby pins, bandaids (2 gel ones for blisters, & 2 regular waterproof ones), comb made of ?ox horn I think (apparently it helps with blood circulation so I’ve been using it since I got it in China a few yrs ago), a bang roller (I need it... trust me), a Watson cushion for CC cream application that comes with a little purple pouch (I recently discovered the lipstick/lip liner can act as blush too! This cushion was good for blending. YAY for multi-use-ism), & facial wipes that obviously can be used as wet wipes.

On a day to day basis, I always have my bandaids (keep one of each in wallet), the lip balm & the mirror/blotting sheet.

Here are the miscellaneous items that I bring with me: a foldable eco-friendly bag (for shopping!), post-it, pen, tissue, strawberry eco-friendly bag (also serves as a luggage tag if I must check-in my suitcase), emergency granola bars (like what if there is a flight delay after I’ve boarded?!), long pair of socks (even if it’s summer!), & my Adidas selca stick (bcos it’s awesome!).

Depending on certain factors, I have 3 bags ready! The backpack is what I’ll be wearing as part of my airport fashion lol it will have my electronics, liquids, & the granola bars for the most part. The small purse is for Taeyang’s concert & (a) small outing(s), in which I will be only bringing around my wallet, phone, phone charger, & glasses. The grey tote is for day-to-day traveling around.

My carry-on suitcase is half filled up with clothes for 3 days (4 outfits; comfy lounge/PJ pants; a thin sweater), a scarf, undergarments, & the towels in the yellow bag. I also like bringing extra bags bcos I like to separate my soiled clothes with clean clothes (if applicable) & they’re easy to bring in case I buy leak-able stuff (unlikely, but just in case) OR shoes!

The outfits situation really depends on where I’m going (but I bring the same pair of lounge/PJ pants everywhere bcos it’s SO comfy!). I don’t anticipate shopping for clothes in Vancouver so that’s why I’m bringing a diff outfit for each day (a separate outfit for the concert lol). I do a lot of clothing shopping in Asia so this 4 outfits thing is pretty much like what I bring to China for 2 months.

For myself, I have a lot black clothes bcos I love black clothes haha it is so easy to mix-n-match with new tops/bottoms that I buy. So most of the time, I have black leggings/tights (good for stuffing purposes too), black pants, & a black top (short or long sleeve depending on weather & purpose of travel etc). I ALWAYS have a pair of jeans with me bcos it’s so easy & works with everything!

My suitcase has an expandable section, which adds approx. 2 inches of space.

& that is it!

I gotta head to the airport now. Talk to you guys later =]

PS: TAEYANG OPPA, HERE I COME!!!!!

[dapperkobold]

Review at Random: Dawn of War 2

Dawn of War was a competent game desperately in need of a quality of life update. Dawn of War 2 is... different. The quality of life improved, but it’s still subject to some troublesome issues that make me frown. Also, bad replayability.

(I already did Dawn of War)

Graphics-wise, it’s fine. Move along. Sure, people who are picky about graphics will no doubt frown, butt they’re rather nice, effective, and not disruptive. Sound quality was similar.

Gameplay, however...

Let me open with a bald-faced admittance that I’m not a multiplayer player. I don’t do the PVP thing. It’s not an interest of mine. I play campaigns, I like plot and campaign missions. As a result, I have no idea how the multiplayer in this game works. The campaign is doing its own thing with its own rules.

The base campaign is really closer to a... let’s call it RTRPS: Real Time Role-Playing Strategy. You have your space marines, they level up, you equip gear that the enemies drop, you gain more stats and abilities as things go on. At the same time, the control scheme and setup means that you’re really playing an RTS game. The resulting hybrid system is... well, it’s not amazing, but I’d love to see it refined until it was. It works, certainly, it’s even good, but it could use some fine-tuning.

You level up, you invest points in stats, you get abilities. Usually I’m hard on stats in video games (especially MMOs, but that’s a line for another time), but this time they’re really straightforward. Health, energy, ranged damage, melee damage. Nice. You unlock abilities in the stats as you level them up, and those abilities are the real power behind your units.

In missions, you get equipment (called wargear as per the Warhammer tradition) and you slap those on your guys. There’s no money or stores, only what you pick up in the wild. Extra gear you can throw in the hopper for extra EXP. Not bad, I suppose, but I’ve become disenfranchised with gear systems in general and especially leveled ones. Oh yes, gear items have levels and if you’re not that level you don’t get to use that gear.

Thankfully, the gear in this game isn’t too bad. It’s mostly linear progression, but there’s occasionally the difficult choice. If this game did have a store, however, I’m pretty sure that would foul it all up, so I’m very glad it does not.

Story-wise, it’s not bad. Not amazing, but I’ll take it and be happy. The characters are fairly compelling, the voice acting is good enough, and the overall plot is really good except for the Eldar.

It’s no wonder that the Eldar are a dying people. How did they get a successful civilization in the first place with such terrible communication skills? And for being ‘master manipulators’ they... really are not. They can’t even manipulate Orks right. They aren’t smart, they don’t seem to have a solid tactical or strategic understanding, much less the social skills to really manipulate people, and they aren’t good at their jobs. 

B- to B+ story, but I’m leaning towards -.

Level design I’m going to be harsher on. You’re on every single map at least twice, and I think it’s sometimes three or more times. none of the levels are super memorable, and it’s sometimes downright frustrating. Bosses are fairly common, and they’re more a drag than anything else. I was never in serious danger in a boss fight, partially due to the boss’ bad AI.

That’s not too say that the game was too easy. No, the game as a whole wasn’t too easy, just most of it was. But then some parts of it are way too hard.

I wound up playing on easy mode because the entire game has a bad case of Jekyll and Hyde. You can breeze through most of a mission, and then 3 of 4 guys are dead and the last one has a giant tank bearing down on him. By the same nature, you fight smart and bypass most of one area, and then just breeze through the rest because you just bypassed the hard part of the mission.

That said, if I could turn up the difficulty mid-game, I would have before the end. Once you get into mid- and late- game, you can blow through most anything with no trouble. You can go look up build guides for your marines if you want, but let me tell you a little secret:

There’s no doubt that you’re going to wind up overpowered. The question is how overpowered you’re going to be.

I don’t know how it is on higher difficulties (I’ve heard some horror stories) but on lower difficulties you’ll likely be fine as long as you don’t specifically hamstring yourself. Once you get past that initial hump, do the extra missions, give all your extra gear away to charity... you’ll be fine. Trust me.

However, I’ve saved the best for last: The game still has some interface issues from the first Dawn of War. The Escape key still does nothing, the hotkeys are better but still a mess, and there’s no grid layout.

Pathfinding has improved, though, barring a few MASSIVE bugs. I think there’s something wrong with Avitus’ AI that doesn’t like rocket launchers, but at least there’s no need to call down an artillery strike on your own men.

Overall, I’m not going to play through it again any time soon, but it was fairly fun.

But wait! I didn’t just get Dawn of War 2, I got ALL of it. That means I got Chaos rising and Retribution, too!

Chaos rising is more of the same. Same quality of plot, same unneeded Eldar, same quality of gameplay, same quality of RPG elements, and a slightly improved difficulty curve. You can import old saves, too, permitting you to go from ‘overpowered’ to ‘hilariously overpowered’.

That said, I’d like to go into detail on that improved curve. It no longer has harsh changes mid-mission, it now changes between Jekyll and Hyde between missions. Also, free advice: the first Eldar mission is a Hyde mission. PUT THE JUMP PACK ON YOUR FORCE COMMANDER AND BRING THADDEUS. BE READY TO LEAVE THE GROUND-POUNDERS BEHIND.

Trust me.

Really, that’s my thoughts on it. If you liked the first Dawn of War 2 campaign, you’ll likely like Chaos Rising. If you didn’t like the first one, I don’t see this one changing your mind. It has the same system, the same hotkeys, the same characters, and Avitus still doesn’t like rocket launchers, just use a heavy plasma gun or a lascannon, trust me.

Dawn of War 2: Chaos Rising: second verse, same verse as the first verse.

Dawn of War 2: Retribution is quite different, though.

The RPG elements have been streamlined, the stat points now buy abilities directly and equipment has been made into more of a suite of options instead of a mostly-linear progression. I found myself actually considering my loadout and changing it instead of just rolling with the best everything, something that had only barely happened in the first two campaigns.

In addition, you can get more units, like vehicles and infantry, like it’s an RTS game! Woah! However, the level design still feels very much like it’s made for a group of four heroes instead of an army, and I found managing a large group of infantry to be tiresome, so I just wound up using elites and tanks and occasionally melee units when I felt I needed more melee presence. It worked, though.

The story stays at about the same rate, though, maybe lowering a bit. Not complaining much, it’s still not bad. Eldar are still superfluous.

The space marines campaign does lose a few points for me for benching the force commander, though. With the smaller cast and having already explored the character depth in the previous campaigns, lacking Mr. ALIEN BEANS for me to laugh at made me a little sad. Diomedes does have his moments, but that force commander and I had a good time together.

In addition, each map is surprisingly well-made, with a solid deign and no repeating. It went over well enough I wouldn’t be against re-playing it at some point. Which is a good thing, since that’s what I’ll be doing if I want to try other factions.

Yes, the other factions all have campaigns too! No, wait, it’s just the space marine one with less cohesiveness. Well... I’m not surprised, actually. Disappointed, yes, but not surprised. And while the campaign is good, it’s not so good as to make me want to play it again back-to-back.

There’s a few bugs that Retribution adds, much to everyone’s chagrin, including a sound bug that crashes the game and a few other things, but they added in a option for grid hotkeys! Yay!

It turns out that’s not as great as it could be. The order of abilities does not appear to be based on the kind of ability or the placing of the accessory in the slot, but some kind of internal counter. As a result, the hotkey that corresponds to a given ability (especially from accessories) can change every mission sometimes. It’s better than the old set up, but still aggravating.

Overall, Retribution is pretty good, yeah, but it could use more polish, except for the non-space marine campaigns, which are honestly pretty vestigial.

EDIT: I missed a few things! The below conclusion is still accurate, but maybe read the add-on.

So... after all that, I don’t know how to feel. It was a fun romp, but nothing to write home about. I might play it again, eventually, but not anytime soon, and certainly not as much as I play Starcraft 2 or the Arkham games. It’s not an amazing game. I won’t kick it, but I will say it’s not for everyone, and if you want to full experience, you should wait for a sale.

I’d say that on number scores I’d put it above half, on a tier ranking I’d call it a B maybe C, on up or down I’d give it a up, and on a grade sheet I’d give it a B-. Could use some work, but I’m not going to ask you to go back and do it again.

[timsim26]

Top 10 Games of 2016

Dark Souls 3

Dark Souls 3 did absolutely everything that I absolutely love about videos games so well. The game feels like an old classic, with a new skin and mechanics that make sense. Too many games these days hold people by the hand and are accessible with working on the mechanics or building an understanding of how the game’s mechanics work together. Dark Souls 3 takes everything that it has learnt from previous iterations and improved what works from Bloodborne, the original Dark Souls and improved the way the environment looks and adds to the mood and atmosphere. The number of absolutely stunning challenges in terms of boss fights and creature design feel like the most comprehensive third person gameplay experience I have ever had in a game. Every single enemy must be given respect and requires you to use every tool and also the environment in order to progress. The game so many great secrets, a number of extremely memorable locations and some of the best boss encounters I have ever experienced in a game. It ticks every box and the gameplay is absolutely flawless.

Dishonored 2

Dishonored 2, similar to Dark Souls 3 is another game that absolutely triumphs gameplay over anything else. It is the ultimate player choice and experimentation game as it gives you so many different tools to use and combine in order to be the ultimate killing machine or an absolute invisible ghost. Dishonored 2 really allows players to explore the wonderfully created levels of the game utilising these gameplay mechanics. Dishonored encourages players to explore every nook and cranny as there are so many world building elements in every space that make the universe feel complete and natural. Great pieces of lore, a number of collectibles and some of the best environmental story telling I have ever seen in a game. The game offers a fast, responsive combat system that encourages players to utilise a number of methods in getting the job done. Combining powers like time stop and blink, or Doppleganger and dropping from long distances allows really exceptional moments of gameplay that make you feel smart and powerful. The world building and tone of the universe is excellent and I really enjoyed the characters that the game presents, each feeling unique and engaging. Gameplay is once again king and Dishonored 2 nails this crucial aspect. Combined with a beautiful art design and huge expansive levels, the game is an absolute must play for fans of stealth action gameplay.

Inside

The team behind Limbo gave their absolute heart and soul to this game and the 5 years of development is seen in every single seen throughout the game. I have never seen animation and art more beautiful and ominous that Inside. Every single landscape, movement, environment and gameplay element has been polished for a very long time and it makes the game remarkable. I love the tone and feel of Inside and the grim background and story of the boy. There are a number of extremely intense moments throughout and the three hours of time make it feel like the perfect one sitting experience. The ending sequence is also one of the most exciting, outlandish and unexpected events I have ever seen. This is a masterpiece of a game and does everything right.

Xcom 2

Wow, Firaxis definitely had a great year listening to fans and making some of the best strategy games available. First they finally released Xcom: Enemy Unknown on Vita, then after demanding Xcom 2 for consoles, it was delivered in September. I love the gameplay of Xcom 2. It is so addictive and really makes you think so carefully about every single move you make. It will kick you into the curb and then gutter stomp you to finish you off, with even the slightest mistake and despite this causing frustration and heartache, it is what makes the game so special. The customisation of calling your in game characters funny names, or naming them after your friends and family, only to see them being blown up by an exploding car, hopelessly dying of poison after using your last med kit, or being left behind for the good of the rest of the team or mission has so much weight. Every soldier killed is gone and the permanent death makes losing a highly ranked soldier so hard. Losing my fully level sniper 2 missions before the end of the game was so hard, but it is a part of the war that you are fighting against a relentless alien force. In Xcom 2 the combat is so much more robust as you have so many abilities to deal with an extremely challenging enemy resistance. I love that Firaxis took everything that made the original so great and improved the game in nearly every way. More weapons, more destructibility of environments, more customisations and even more deadly enemies to take down, hack or blow up. With a great narrative and many water cooler moments that are caused by your soldiers hitting/missing a shot only to cause you to win/die horribly in a mission is riveting stuff. I don’t normally enjoy turn based strategy games, but Xcom 2 is brilliant.

Gears of War 4

The second most fun I have had with a multiplayer game this year (more on that in a bit) and one of the most well rounded content deep experiences of the year. When Gears of War: Judgment came out after the exceptional Gears of War 3, I was well and truly ready to give the series a break. After 4 years (5 years if you count releases between proper games) I was definitely ready for more Gears of War. The Coalition took a beloved franchise that made the Xbox 360 the juggernaut that it was and upped the ante in nearly every way. I absolutely adore Gears of War 4 for the variety in its gameplay, the gorgeous graphics, the same brutal combat and the many new additions to the game that make it fun and fluid. The multiplayer feels refined and is extremely challenging, requiring intense skill and team work, the campaign has a great bunch of engaging new characters and some of the best cameos from the returning cast and horde 3.0 is extremely deep. There is a lot of game here and every single aspect has been give a great deal of polish and attention. It is an experience that definitely sets up a great future for the franchise.

Uncharted 4

If you think of what a good AAA experience is then the Uncharted series is the example that many gamers think of. Naughty Dog have proven time and time again that they are able to craft experiences that are funny, tense, action packed and look big budget. Uncharted 4 continues this theme and is once again a game that gives people fans of the actions games one hell of a good time. Uncharted 4 looks absolutely stunning. It is one of the best looking console games I have ever seen and the designs of human figures and the way they animate is brilliant. The acting is some of the best seen in video games and there a number of extremely memorable moments that give players a reason to continue to push forward in the series. Uncharted 4, while being a very familiar game, still does presentation better than any other AAA game in 2016.

Forza Horizon 3

Is there a better racing game than Forza Horizon 3? It would be hard to find one and argue against 2016’s most beautiful game. Seriously Horizon 3 looks absolutely stunning and I would not fault you if you mixed up screenshots with a real life shot of some of the world’s most luxurious vehicles. Forza Horizon 3 builds on everything that has made the franchise the most engaging and bombastic racer in the last 10 years. A huge roster of cars that are fun to drive and feel unique, a great environment that expands on what makes these playgrounds so fun (yay Australia), challenging opponents, a huge amount of customisation in order to find what works for you and how you want to play the game and once again a terrific sound track full of catchy songs that make you feel like a badass. The environment is the real stand out in Forza Horizon 3. As soon as the first game released, it made perfect sense to set a game like this in Australia. It is picturesque, it has a great variety of environment types and is also renowned for the relaxed, dream like state that Horizon 3 pushes on the player. It looks great, runs amazingly and is an absolutely joy to play. It is also bursting with more content than any other racer that I have played and therefore offers hours and hours of content that will keep you coming back.

Doom

From the opening sequence it was pretty clear that Doom was going to be a very special game. The bombastic, in your face attitude of the Doom Slayer breaking free from his sarcophagus crunching the faces and ripping the limbs off of demons to an extremely heavy and well constructed soundtrack is absolute poetry in motion. It all works so well together it is hard to believe that the team at id Software pulled it off. Doom is extremely self aware of how stupid it is and makes so many fantastic references and great story points in addressing this. There are some really fantastic character moments with the doom guy, despite him never uttering a word. Everything is conveyed through body language and his approach to situations. Everything must die is the attitude of the Doom Slayer and honestly I can’t blame the guy. They are demons after all. Considering the outlandish stupid nature of the game, it is extremely well written with a number of really engaging characters. Doom shines with its gameplay, everything feels really fast and responsive, you have so many options with all of the weapons, runes and upgrades that allow you to become an absolute wrecking ball making your way through hundreds of enemies. It looks great, plays great and is further solidifies that id software are among the very best when developing shooters.

Watch Dogs 2

Watch Dogs 2 was a game I expected to dislike, but the more I played it the more engaged I was with the overall experience. It is a game that embraces its millennial style and pushes the hacker L33t culture to the extreme. It is a game that is not going to age well depending on the digital trends that change so rapidly, but currently touches on many extremely relevant issues the world is dealing with. Fake news, live streaming, privacy issues, the rise of robotics and election rigging are some of the issues the game delves into and provides players with a way to influence how the world reacts to it. It is extremely tongue in cheek with the nature of these issues and Ubisoft embraces the silly side of things, which works perfectly for a game where everything is able to hacked with a mobile phone including cars, traffic lights all the way to Satellites that control the world’s communication. Watch Dogs was an extremely serious game with no personality, while I loved the combat and the gameplay, it felt soulless. Watch Dogs 2 fixes those glaring problem and adds much needed personality to the overall experience that helps it stand out as one of the best open world games of the year.

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare Remastered

Yes Activision are completely disgusting for making this game only available if you buy Infinite Warfare. Yes it is completely overpriced as a result. Yes it is wrong to support a decision like this. However Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare is still some of the most fun I have ever had with a shooter in my life. It completely changed the way shooters are played online and created the absolute juggernaut that is the franchise today. Modern Warfare Remastered is the absolute perfect re-do of this game. Absolutely everything feels exactly like it did in 2007, however now the game looks much better, the servers and connections are far more consistent and as a result the gameplay feels even more responsive and enemies die quickly. It is exactly the experience I remember having years and years ago. It is so refreshing after years of the jet pack, wall running bullshit, to be playing a boots on the ground shooter, where every movement has to be calculated and precise and you cannot randomly escape as a result of dumb knee slides and boosting over enemy soldier’s heads. CoD 4 had the best maps, the best selection of weapons and also easy to play, hard to master gameplay. It is so fun going up against a great group of players and coming away with a hard fought win. Raven have also done a great job providing players with new game modes that were not available in the original, that have become staple gamemodes of current CoDs. They have also allowed much more customisation with a bunch of cosmetics that can be earned quite easily through just playing the game. Of course you can also pay to unlock skins and camos, but unlike Black Op 3, Advanced Warfare and Infinite Warfare, you cannot unlock special guns that make the game pay to win. This is far and away the best remaster that I have played and it is so refreshing to be playing a great Call of Duty game.

Honorable mention - Battlefield 1, Batman: A Telltale Series, Titanfall 2 and Oxenfree.

[etcetezine-blog]

Put That In Etcetezine--I Mean, The Yearbook!

“Senior quote ideas!

Binterong

Celebrities

Oprah:

“You get a car, and you get are car, everybody gets a car!”

“Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another steppingstone to greatness.”

“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”

“Some women have a weakness for shoes... I can go barefoot if necessary. I have a weakness for books.”

“Step Away from the Mean Girls…

…and say bye-bye to feeling bad about your looks.

Are you ready to stop colluding with a culture that makes so many of us feel physically inadequate? Say goodbye to your inner critic, and take this pledge to be kinder to yourself and others. This is a call to arms. A call to be gentle, to be forgiving, to be generous with yourself. The next time you look into the mirror, try to let go of the story line that says you're too fat or too sallow, too ashy or too old, your eyes are too small or your nose too big; just look into the mirror and see your face. When the criticism drops away, what you will see then is just you, without judgment, and that is the first step toward transforming your experience of the world.”

Emeril Lagasse:

“Bam!”

“If somebody has a chance to put my food in their mouth, that tells the story.”

Bill Clinton:

“I did not have sexual relations with that woman”

“When I was in England I experimented with marijuana a time or two -- and didn't like it -- and didn't inhale and never tried inhaling again.”

“I tried marijuana once. I did not inhale.”

“Sometimes when people are under stress, they hate to think, and it's the time when they most need to think.”

“You can put wings on a pig, but you don't make it an eagle.”

“When our memories outweigh our dreams, it is then that we become old.”

“Being President is like being the groundskeeper in a cemetery: there are a lot of people under you, but none of them are listening.”

“If you want to live like a Republican, vote like a Democrat.”

James Earl Jones:

“This is CNN”

“I don't ever want to be a sentimentalist. I prefer to be a realist. I'm not a romantic really.”

“Acting is not about anything romantic, not even fantasy, although you do create fantasy.”

“Speech is a very important aspect of being human. A whisper doesn't cut it.”

“The world is filled with violence. Because criminals carry guns, we decent law-abiding citizens should also have guns. Otherwise they will win and the decent people will lose.”

Groucho Marx:

“Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others”

“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies”

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”

“Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana”

“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.”

“I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.”

“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”

“When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.”

“I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.”

“I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.”

“I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.”

“He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.”

“If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”

“Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it.”

“Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.”

“Whatever it is, I'm against it.”

Books, TV Shows, and Movies of Our Childhood

The Suite Life of Zach and Cody:

“It was supposed to be a honey mist auburn!” Cody Martin “well honey you missed auburn bugtime” Zack Martin

“Yay Me!!!!” London tipton

London: I don't like this tangerine! Maddie: No, that is a Tam-bo-rine! A tangerine is what the audience is gonna throw at you!

Max: Everyone knows nothing rhymes with orange. Tapeworm: Oh yeah? What about "snorange"? Max: Thank you, Dr. Seuss.

Cody: Zachary! Zack: Codery!

Zack: I know he's having a miserable time. We have twin telepathy. It's like my brain is receiving phone calls from him.

Carey: Well, you have a bad connection. Hang up. Zack: Uh, uh. I can sense these things. Remember when Cody broke his leg and I sensed it? Carey: That's because you fell on him and broke it.

Cody: [on cell phone answering machine] Hi. This Cody using my mother's phone. Leave a message, and remember: numbers are your friend.

Moseby: Are you familiar with the gear shift? London: You mean the PRNDL? [PRNDL pronounced "prindle] Moseby: Are you referring to the shift lever that says P-R-N-D-L? London: I'm not a child Moseby, I know how to spell PRNDL. Moseby: It's not something that you spell, it is a gear shift. The letters stand for Park, Reverse, Neutral, Drive, and Low!! London: You're making me nervous with all this technical talk. Moseby: Oh! I'm sorry, Why don't we just relax, turn on the radio. Would you like AMMM or FMMMM?!

London: there are no buildings on the highway.

Maddie: Well in all fairness to London I have to say, even though I was being held against my will - and my lawyers will be in touch - she did a pretty good job driving up here.

Cody: Don't move anywhere! Your cornered around with my knowledge! Zack: Sure the only fighting skills he has is his brain.

Mr. Moseby: Your father has to stay incognito. London: Where is Cognito? Mr. Moseby: In hiding. London: Where is Hiding?

Maddie: It's a special night. Don't make me slap you.

London: Hey, every time I'm in the paper, my social life just gets better and better.

Moseby: We don't have a dungeon, but I can have him fired.

Cody: I've gotta win this science award. Then I can get into M.I.T. and invent a nanobot that eats oil spills and be able to retire comfortably while taking care of my aging mother and paying my brother's bail money.

Zack: So dyslexic, I am? Mr. Forgess: Well, it like looks it--I mean, it looks like it.

Kurt: That's what your mother said when she left me, and a few other things I can't mention.

London: It's just there are so many beautiful things out there to buy. How can you possibly resist them?

London: Yep. I've hit rock bottom. And I don't like rock bottom. It's so rock bottomy.

London: Daddy always says, competition's a good thing. It's a chance to crush people.

London: Well, you were wrong, with a capital R.

Cody:  Zack, this is a chance for us to really help people. I'm thinking about working with kids...You better take this seriously or you're gonna fail while I get an A. Zack: You're one of the kids I hate.

Carey: [to the twins] Hey, guys. What'cha been doing? Cody: Inspiring people to reach their full potential and achieve their dreams.

Maddie: You're going down! London: You're going downer!

Cody: [to Sanjay] Don't listen to him. That's what he always says right before we get grounded.

Zack: I have a plan… ,Cody:  Don't listen to him. That's what he always says right before we get grounded... Correction. That's what he always says right before we get grounded.

Warren: It's elegant yet casual. Bob: It's sophisticated yet tasteful. Zack: I think it's stupid yet stupid.

Trevor: And then she said "who" instead of "whom". I'm not a grammar snob, but it's just egregious when somebody uses the subjective case instead of the accusative case, hahaha!

Esteban: [sings] Rock-a-bye, chicken, in the tree top. Watch out for the farmer. Your head he will chop. [the children start crying] Zack: Don't you know any lullabies that don't involve decapitating poultry?

Moseby: At the league of extraordinary hotel managers. If only I could find out which guest he is, then I could make sure he gets the perfect dining experience.

Carey: If I give you guys pets, will you stop bugging me? Twins: Yes. Carey: Pet rocks. Don't overfeed them. Cody: I'm gonna name mine Tim.

Zack: You don't have to do everything Mr. Moseby says. We like to think of his rules more as... suggestions.

Cody: It's about doing your homework, eating your broccoli when Mom isn't looking! Zack: You offered it to me! Cody: Yeah, because that's what brothers do for each other! But it's never reciprocal! Zack: Huh? Cody: Reciprocal means it would be nice if you did something for me for a change! Zack: I did! You offered me money and I took it!

Carey: Relax, Cody. I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself. Cody: I'm not putting too much pressure on me. Harvard's putting too much pressure on me! Yale is putting too much pressure on me! Princeton! M.I.T! Stanford! Do you think they're out there looking for under-achievers? If I don't ace woodshop, I'll end up being one of those guys who sells hot dogs and sleeps in a taxi!

Zack: Do you think wood grows on trees?

Moseby: You know, the older I get, the more I realize that you have to look adversity in the face and say 'You don't scare me.'

Zack: That works for me. Because if tomorrow is going to be today again, then today is actually yesterday, which means that yesterday's homework isn't due today, it's really due... tomorrow!

London: Moseby, it's your birthday? Wait, you have a birthday?? Since when??? Mr. Moseby: Pretty much since the day I was born. Hence the term birth-day.

Mr. Moseby: Don't talk, and listen. Now, I am not going to fire Armando. I mean, you're the one who ruined the show. By the way, what happened to his real assistant?

Mr. Moseby: Oh ya, the oooops always makes it better. Perhaps you'd stick some bacon in my ears

Zack: The point is, there's a lot of great adventures out there, but you can't have any of them stuck in here with a bunch of weird bald dudes.

Mr. Moseby: In the weekend, that must be failed in the treasure hunt we'll never be able to do. Because of me, that always has to do with that the end of the story.

iCarly:

“In three two one, i know you see somehow the world will change for me and be so wonderful”

“You’ll rue the day carly shay, rue it!” Neville

Spencer: Well, it seems our sign is so bright and dazzling, it distracted one of the drivers below. [Hears another car crash] Actually, two of the driver-- [Another crash] Three of the dr-- [Another crash] Literally, many of the drivers below are being distracted by our extremely dazzling sign.

Spencer: Alright, don't worry too much about this yet, just... go do your homework or something. Carly: Kay. Spencer: I mean... YOU GO DO YOUR HOMEWORK RIGHT NOW, YOUNG LADY! Carly: Yes, sir! Spencer: AND JUST SAY NO! Carly: Always! Spencer: AND STAY IN SCHOOL! Carly: Maybe.

Carly: I'm not a child! I'm just young and short.

Spencer: No, there's a distinction. This is her homework schedule and a number for a tutor because she's been having a little trouble with science. These are the vitamins that she needs to take everyday. I only give her the ones shaped like dinosaurs. Granddad: Why? Spencer: Dinosaurs are cool. Oh, and she's really into drinking coffee, [whispers] but I always give her decaf without telling her.

Spencer: [to camera] Never forget to buy candy on Halloween.

Sam: This thing is full of top-notch freaks, mutants and psychos!

Sam: Ooh! I got kicked out of the cafeteria for slapping Gibby with a piece of pizza.

Carly: [speaking very fast] Yes, I did, too! He told me that he can beat his dad in arm wrestling, and I said, "No way," and he said, "Oh, no, it's true," and I said, "Wow, you must be really strong," and he said, "Well, I work out a little bit," and I said, "Really?" And he said, "Yeah, you wanna feel my biceps?" And I said, "Sure, I do," and so I felt them, and they felt awesome.

High School Musical:

“Cause its the start of something new…”

“Once a wildcat, always a wildcat” Troy Bolton

“I always liked the idea of being in charge of my future, until it actually started happening” Troy Bolton

“Ah microwave popcorn. Haha very funny” Troy Bolton

“Hip hop is my passion. I love to pop, and lock, and jam, and break.” Martha Cox

“It’s called crime and punishment Bolton. Besides, proximity to the arts is cleansing for the soul”

“Hey you know what? Someday you guys might thank me for this, or not” MC at the game

“While we are working, let us probe the mounting evils of cell phones… perhaps the most heinous example of cell phone use is ringing in the theater. The theater is a chapel of arts, a precious cornucopia of creative energy.” Ms. Darbus

Sky High:

“What a waste. I can't do anything more to help you. I'm not Wonder Woman, you know” Principle powers

“What's embarrassing him in front of the entire class going to prove? That is so unfair” Layla  “Yeah, well if life were to suddenly get fair, I doubt it would happen in high school’ Will Stronghold

“Now I know it's just our first day, but I already can't wait to graduate and start saving mankind... And womankind. And animalkind” Layla

“There's only one person authorized to transport superheroes: Ron Wilson - Bus Driver” Ron Wilson, Bus Driver

“And now, so many years later, that plan is complete. My only regret: This may be the finest super-villian speech ever given - and you don't even know what I'm saying!” Gwen

Ultra-Niche

“See you on the flip side!” Janet Anderson

“Make it a great day, or not, the choice....... is yours.” SPMS

Vines

“A potato flew around my room”

“Do it for the vine” Rip Vine

“F*** Ya chicken strips” That guy from vine

“You’ll never be s*** duck, you’re just like your father!”

“What up I’m Jared I’m nineteen and I never f****** learned how to read” Jared, 19

[coffeecupandteatime]

Obscure Reviews #3

It’s time to spork fics and ruin lives.  

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ'✿,｡･:*:❀･ﾟ'❁

Oh? We’re back already? Whelp, let’s start the shitshow again. I’m Jagerbomb, your favorite alcoholic caffeinated drink, bringing you the review of a story that you could call the My Immortal of Attack on Titan.

Welcome. I’m Coffee. Fuhuhuhuhuhuhu~ Consider this a proper welcome to the party. Though glossing over this, it doesn’t deserve such a title, yet.

Shush it you, you bloody wanker.

Well anyway, hello all, I’m Tea.

WHERE’S MY EMOTICON!?

You mean this? (ง •̀_•́)ง

(ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง YEAH! FIGHT ME!

DON’T MAKE ME GET THE PAN!!!!

As usual we will be incredibly offensive. Don’t take it too personally.

9/11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB!

And now we present The Wolf of Trost. Only God can save us now.

Chapter 1: Struggle for Trost: The two monsters

Oh god, what the fuck is this?

The fuck is that?

The fuck are THOSE?

I do not own Attack on Titan, I only own Jacob Patrick and his very deadly secret. Here's a quick Bio on my OC and his (lowercase)Secret (halfway.) Some things will be different due to me adding my OC. (No period, lowercase) And to keep my plot line and idea original.

Oh joy, disclaimers. What the fuck do I say here??

Where do we begin? How about with his ~deadly secret~?

I’m gonna be honest, it feels like he’s trying too hard to be edgy.

Name: Jacob Patrick II.

You know what, I forgot about the shit that happened in this. I should lay off the drinks.

Age: 15. Height: 6"2'.

 Christ in a handbasket. Fifteen years old and already 6’ 2”. It’s not impossible, but unlikely.

That’s a little young to fight titans.

Didn’t they all leave training at 15?

No, I don’t think so; you’ll have to look it up.

(ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง FIGHT ME

(ง •̀_•́)ง BRING IT!

Let’s just focus on the story.

Weight: 125 LBS. Hair Color: Jet Black, Wild and to his shoulders, bangs cover left eye.

That sounds inconvenient for titan-fighting.

Eyes: Right eye is a deep calming blue, while the left is bright, glowing yellow with a slight pupil.

You, my friend, have won the Special Snowflake award.

What the fuck is a slight pupil? ಠ益ಠ ENGLISH FUCKER!

Skin Color: Pale white.

So not only is your vision halved by your ridiculous hair, but you’ll also burn like my steady-growing hatred for this fic.

Birth-date: October 10th.

Aw damn, all the jokes could have been made if you said the 31th.

You have jokes?

Appearance: Slim bodied, canines are extremely sharp (Sharp enough to bite into a Titan's hide), fingernails are one inch long claws that are very sharp. Narrow waist, Thin arms and legs and slightly pointed ears.

A painful existence.

I know what was written, but I can’t get the idea of this OC going “OMNOMNOM!”. Imagine this kid dangling off a titan by his teeth and the titan just looks at him with this deadpan expression, unsure of what to do.

Special Skills: With his thin body he is extremely agile and flexible, making him one of the best at using the 3D Maneuvering gear and Blades.(NO PERIOD, LOWERCASE) Though most have seen him running UP the SIDES of the Walls and buildings. His thin frame means less resistance while running, making his speed triple above our fastest soldier. (He can) Can jump very far, close to thirty feet. He's always been able to scan the Titan's and find ways to trick them and trap them. One last skill he has is very secret and no one knows it.

Why is up and sides capitalized? We know what the gear allows you to do.

Because it ADDS unnecessary EMPHASIS.

ಠ益ಠ  This angers me greatly. He’s a goddamn Mary Sue.

Couldn’t just write a normal human boy, could you?

Most Notable Quotes: " I'ma (I’m) gonna make me a Titan burger!"

Seriously?

Permission to prepare the noose?

Permission granted.

" Yahooooooooo!"

This is kinda ripping off Naruto.

This is reminding me of those people who do Bigfoot calls.

Now we combine those together.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ'✿,｡･:*:❀･ﾟ'❁ Combining. Result: Cringeworthy.

" Oh bite my skinny ass!"

Is this supposed to be a Bender reference?

NAAAAAAH YOU DON’T SAY? Speaking of which, watching Futurama right now.

" One does not anger the beast without being mauled."

One does not simply walk into Mordor.

Good Lord why?

*coughs*Tryhard*coughs*

Ya know what? I’m gonna do it, I’m gonna poke the bear. *poke poke*

*loud inhale* You did it!

" Hurt my friends...And you'll see why they call me a freak!"

What friends? You have made yourself out to be a rather unpleasant main character.

SHOTS FIRED.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)▄︻̷̿┻̿═━一

and the ever famous Jacob Patrick II song he sings when(One word)ever drunk (which is a(Separate words)lot)

" Oh I'm gonna get that booty!"

NO.

Pffft- This would be gold it weren’t serious.

I have to agree with that. It’s almost as bad as My Immortal. Also, why is a fifteen year old drinking?

Because that’s what the cool kids do. (⌐■_■)

Personality: Out(ONE WORD)going, happy go lucky, lived on the streets since he was four, which in turn allowed Jacob's body to thin and slim due to having to steal food, clothes and books to survive and learn.

I think we’re mixing up personality with backstory and then further mixing it with appearance.

Seriously? Everything past happy go lucky has absolutely nothing to do with personality. They are also living in a society where you contribute to society, they wouldn’t let him live on the streets unless he was completely useless.

Looks like someone doesn’t understand the show.

No one will let you get away with theft is the point.

Jacob's dark secret allow caused the color of his left eye, his claws, pointed ears and sharp canines, but it has also made him prone to rage fueled attacks at random times.

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻ GET THIS SHIT OUTTA MY FACE!

So, I’m going to take a wild guess and say his secret has something to do with werewolves.

I mean, it’s so obvious. I read ahead...We have weirdness next chapter.

FFFFFFF- ┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻

 He's loyal to his friends and super protective over them.

Now I remember. Give me a drink please.

Would you like a fancy cocktail?

-,- That ain’t no man’s drink woman.

Don’t complain. Anything is better than nothing.

A lot of people call him insane, which is true. 

*Squints suspiciously* “Insane”, eh?

What? That’s not insanity, that’s just acting like a kid.

He'll do and say the most random things.

LOL IM SO RANDOM

HAHAHHA LOOK AT ME!

There you guys go, Jacob's Bio. NOW GET TO READING DAMMIT!

Rude. You know what? I won’t read it. JUST TO SPITE YOU.

*coughs*Asshole*coughs*

" Humans speaking" ' Human thoughts or flashbacks.' Time skips or locations. " Titans sounds and roars."

Okay, different text types. Fucking kill me now please. Is this necessary? Can’t just - I don’t know - write? Yep, just hold the readers’ hands some more like they just learned how to read this trash.

Apparently Author doesn’t think we can tell what’s what.

We are evidently blind.

____________________________________________________________

(Jacob’s POV) Year 850. Trost, 2:45.

I just love it when writers think they have to announce whose perspective it is. I mean, it’s not like we could have figured it out by ourselves or anything.

Me, Armin and Eren (Him and Armin are two of my three friends)

*Prolonged sigh* Show, don’t tell. Show, don’t tell. Show, doN’T TELL. SHOW, DON’T TELL.

Coffee… Do I need to get Katherine’s pan to smack this author?

…..Yes, probably. No correction, absolutely. Get the pan.

were running across the roofs of houses and buildings, well they had their 3D Maneuvering gear ready to scale the next building while I could just jump up on to (Onto. Spellcheck is your friend) it.

Right, right, right. Why would the OC need something that everyone else needs? Guess who earned a gold star for a “very good job”! ☆

HURRAY! Good job buddy!

I look back to see a Titan jump up and bite Eren's leg off.

What..? There was no prior indication that this was a problem. We’re just… going right to it, eh? Skipping everything else and interjecting Gary Stu into only the important, plot related stuff, huh?

Author is costing on plot hoping readings fill in the gaps.

Armin screamed out to him while I turned around and jumped the gap between my building and the roof with Eren, I slashed the Titan's nape as it turned to attack me, (AND) it fell with a loud thud.

Fucking Mary Sues man. Fucking run on sentences. Armin must’ve been screaming for some time while the OC did all of that.

Well all Armin does IS scream so I assume he’s good at it.

No, he screams Eren a lot, let’s get it right.

" Eren!" I shouted as I land next to him. " Are you ok man?", my answer was Eren smacking my with the hilt of his left Blade.

 Sure, he lost a leg, I’m sure he’s fine bud.

Tis only a flesh wound.

Monty Python away!

YAY!

" Of course not. But I'm fine, just go protect Armin!" Eren shouts at me. ' HE'S MISSING A FUCKING LEG AND SAYS HE'S ALRIGHT!?' I scream in my head as I jump back to stop a 10m Titan from eating Armin, who was still running. I raise my Blades high above my head, opened my mouth and shouted.

*Tying noose around neck while whistling* Hard to tell who's worse, Katherine or Jacob. Either way I’mma go on vacation. *kicks stool*

" I'MA GONNA MAKE ME A TITAN BURGER!"

LAAAAAAAAAAAAME

That is a really lame catchphrase.

Why did I think of a Simpsons character?

My Blades came down on the Titans nape, I worked fast to carve the nape out and slay the monster. " You don't eat my friends (COMMA) bitch!" I exclaim while flipping the dead Titan off.

How old are you? Twelve?

Remember, angsty teen must always flip at least one thing per episode.

Yes, lets flip of the creature that’s already dead. Was there even a gesture for this back then?

I look over at Armin and laugh, only to realize he had made his way to Eren (I guess while I was distracted he saw a Titan close to Eren).

You guess. And what’s wrong with him going to support Eren? It’s not like he can just walk out of there. Nope, just gonna leave him there to die I suppose.

For plot! :D KILL ME!

Such a good friend.

I jump the gap, only to be too late as I see a grey bearded Titan EAT Eren, leaving only his arm, which had hit Armin in the face. To be honest I have to admit that it was comical.

HAHAHA, MY FRIEND JUST GOT EATEN AND MY OTHER FRIEND IS PROBABLY TRAUMATIZED! HAHAHA SO FUNNY!

HOLY SHIT IT’S SANTA TITAN! But I’mma admit, I did laugh when the arm hit Armin.

" EREN!" Armin and I shouted.

Noooooo not the overly angry German! Nooooo!

It’s better for him this way. Goodnight, sweet prince.

I knew there was only way to save him…

Do I need to say anything about this or..?

Best to leave it be.

but it was too risky and he would probably die of blood loss if I wasn't fast enough.

I assume this Only Way was to A: Kill the Titan or B: The Deadly Secret. Fuck I don’t care anymore! COFFEE! GIVE ME THE RUM!

You better share.

Would you like ice with that?

Of course boss. I always share -,-

So I cursed myself for not helping but ran and picked up Armin before the Titan could get him. Armin was to (TOO) shocked to notice anything.

“I can’t do anything about this except for the fact that I can and no, this may or may not bother me in the near future. If it does, it’ll be for the ANGST. Oh, right Eren’s dead, better save my other not-friend so it looks like I accomplished something.”

“Look at me! I’m the Stu! Everyone should just accept the things I do and not question it!”

You cursed yourself for not helping? You didn’t have a problem about not helping before.

' Eren...I'm sorry... But I WILL kill every last Titan to avenge you!' I thought as I quickly escape the Titan.

Whelp, he’s dead. Better say something to remind the audience that they were friends with as little emotion as possible and vowing revenge.

*coughs*OVERACHIEVER!*coughs*

Revenge fixes all Titan problems. If not satisfied, you’ll get your money back guaranteed! Just pay two payments for the low low price of 19,999,999,999,999,999,999.99! Pay processing and handling.

In fifteen minutes I found Connie Springer, Sasha Blouse, Ymir, Annie Leonhart, Jean Kirstein, Bertolt Hoover, Reiner Braun, Krista Lenz and Mikasa Ackerman (My other friend and secret crush).

Ha, who needs these losers? It’s not like their actual characters with depth or deserving of any actual description or personality. Who cares? Just drop their names and we’re good. Am I right?

AHAHHAHHAHAHA, Cos yes, nobody knows who any of these people are now so let’s add a sentence of just names.

And of course Mikasa is targeted for “love interest”. Mikasa’s first priority is Eren’s safety; the Stu wouldn’t stand a chance. Get out while you can.

-is being sucked into a black hole- Coffee! HELP!

Shhhhh, it’s better this way.

I drop Armin as I put my hands on my knees and pant heavily while the others all come over to us, mostly to see what was wrong with Armin. Mikasa came up to me, (PERIOD) I could see the worry in her eyes.

They all walked together in a collective bunch. Clearly they’re not busy with anything like titans in the city.

Speaking of eyes, I need to drench mine in bleach.

" Where(APOSTROPHE)s Eren!?" She asked me. I looked down at my feet, still panting.

I don’t know, probably digesting inside Santa’s belly.

Maybe if you weren’t standing around waiting for the plot to come to you, you’d know.

" Titan.. (CAPITAL)ate...him.." I manage to breath out between breathes (breaths).

But it’s okay, because I, the main character, am safe with no emotional scars from the death of my apparent friend.

I used my fangs to scare the titan off, of course it wasn’t mentioned. Apparently.

I straighten up some more so I stood at my full six foot two height. I look down at Mikasa as her grip on her Blades tightens,(PERIOD) her eyes narrowed as she walked passed me before jumping and taking off with her gear.

To get away from all of these run on sentences.

To get away from the Stu or Stus.

To get away from the plot. 

" MIKASA!" I shout as I try to grab her ankle, but she was just out of my reach.

Good!

RUN MIKASA! RUN!

I look back at the group and stare at them all, my bangs moved out of the way of my left eye. The bright glowing,(NO COMMA) slit pupiled yellow eye bore holes into the group's souls. I spoke one command in a deep and dark voice. My sharp canines gleamed in the sun's light.

If you were any edgier, you’d be a triangle.

Any edgier then that and he’d be a pyramid

He keeps mentioning his bangs so much that he’s become a tassel. A toothy, triangle, little tassel.

I could swear to God that I saw Ymir turn a ghost white.

Your angst is scaring them. Stop.

Oh god not shiny fangs!

" Stay with Armin."

“He’s pretty much useless.”

“I, the Stu, shall retrieve Mikasa alone!”

With that I jumped off after Mikasa. I dropped my gear (Keeping my Blades)

You don’t need parenthesis if you juST WRITE PROPERLY.

-Tosses empty bottle away- Whelp we’re outta rum again.

by the group as I did so. ' Mikasa...please don't get eaten or killed'" YAHOOOOOOOO!" Was heard by the group as Jacob soon disappeared from their sight.

Why are you referring to yourself in the third person? If this becomes a problem, Coffee is going to kick your ass, just as sure as she’s tearing apart your awful writing skills.

Permission to prepare the ceremonial noose, ma’am?

Permission granted

(Below is the thought the rest of 104th Trainees Squad)

' Did that just happen?'

Actual writing; who needs it?

Gee I don’t know, did it? Cos if there was action and words, it happened.

(Back to Jacob's POV)

You never changed perspective in the first place.

ಠ_ಠ My brain hurts.

I jumped from roof to roof after Mikasa, I had to dropped my gear to make myself lighter

YOU JUST DROPPED YOUR GEAR BEFORE THIS DAMMIT!

┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻

, even while I run at full speed (Which Dot Pixis had recorded to be close to 50 mph, without any gear on)

You want to know how fast Usain Bolt can run at maximum? 28 mph. You’re trying to convince us that this Gary Stu can run almost TWICE as fast as the fastest runner without much training or experience?

I’m calling God mode. Someone get an admin. Oh wait, I am one.

I couldn't keep up with her.

For plot convenience.

Even though I could’ve used my gear to catch up with her, why did I think RUNNING would help? Oh, just to SHOW OFF MY STU-NESS!

I could tell she was using her gas in large bursts to increase her speed. Bad idea cos (BECAUSE, YOU CRETIN) you lose A(SEPARATE WORDS)LOT of gas that way. I growl in a very wolf-like manner

Wink wink, nudge nudge, tap tap, hit hit, SCROTAL PUNCH

We need a gif for a nut shot, PRONTO!

as I grip my Blades tighter, causeing (CAUSING) the hilts to creak and break, I drop them as I close my eyes in frustration... Bad idea again. I'm quickly grabbed by a Titan, a 15m Smiling Titan. ' This can't be happening!'

THE END

HAHAHAHAHHA NOPE!

" MIKASA!" I shouted out to her...but I think she didn't hear me over the sounds of dead Titans falling down.

She didn’t respond because she doesn’t care about you.

She saw you jerking off in the bushes at Training Camp -,-

 The massive jaws close down, just missing my head... I slid down it's (ITS) throat to my doom.

Suspiciously sounds like what happened to Eren a few paragraphs ago.

So original.

' I never even got to tell Mikasa that I loved her...'

…Seriously?

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻  FUCK IT!

Your waifu will never know. At least she can’t point-blank reject you.

Time skip: Where Mikasa has only a single Blade left and is cornered by a Titan.

Yay, more lazy writing. FUCK YOU

DAMMIT!

(Nobody's POV)

Who the hell is Nobody and why aren’t they the main character instead?

Nobody is my favorite person.

Best character.

Mikasa stood back up from her knees, Eren's words about fighting for survival echoing in her mind. She was about to try and charge at the Titan when a 15m Titan with a muscular build, fleshless jaw that revealed the odd arangment (ARRANGEMENT) of teeth, bright emerald eyes, pointed ears and long brownish black hair ran out from behind her and slammed a fist into the other Titan's head. The result was a dead Titan and a new one standing over the body, screaming/roaring.

Well, that escalated quickly.

No smooth transition! EVER!

" NNNNNAAAAGGGHHH" (YOU TRY SPELLING OUT A TITAN SCREAM/ROAR!)

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHH! Did I do it? (ʘ‿ʘ✿)

Mikasa stared on in shock at seeing a Titan kill another of it's (ITS) kind. The new Titan ran of (OFF), searching for more Titans to kill. Mikasa shook her head and used her gear and little amounts of gas to find the others.

What about Eren? Mikasa, focus! That’s why you ran off in the first place.

 I’m sure everyone else is still on that singular roof.

To her shock they were still were Jacob had dropped Armin off. " Why are you all still here?" She questioned. Connie answered for everyone.

That’s what I want to know.

Called it.

" After you took off Jacob's bangs moved away from his left eye...it...it.. IT BORE HOLES IN OUR SOULS MAN!"

Much like how this story bores holes into my brain.

His hair moved and you saw his differently colored eyeball. Oh no, the horror. *deadpan*

Oh dear lord save us all. -___-

The teen shouted.

So, I have this rant I’ve been holding in for awhile.

Are you KIDDING me? You FUCKING ESTABLISHED who was talking already! Why do you feel the need to refer to him as “the teen” instead of giving him a proper description? THAT IS LAZY WRITING. ALSO do not use “shouted” or any other verbs as dialogue tags! Do you have any idea how awful that is to read? ALSO, is Connie a FUCKING FLOATING HEAD or something? Is he doing ANYTHING ELSE besides standing around and SCREAMING? WHAT ABOUT THE OTHERS?! Are they just standing around too? GOD DAMN IT.

YOU’RE A LAZY ASS WRITER! I HAVE SEEN LITTLE TO NO ACTUAL PLOT LINE WHAT SO EVER! I get this was written in 2014 but that’s no excuse!

Ymir rolled her eyes, smacked Connie upside his bald head and looked at Mikasa.

I assume with a look of disdain paralleling the current state of my face right now.

The Pan can help with that.

The pan always helps. (ʘ‿ʘ✿)

" Your friend Jacob left his 3D Maneuvering gear and ran off after you,(PERIOD)

“Good riddance, right?”

Yes we know, it was stated that he dropped his gear…..twice.

My brain hurts. COFFEE! ANOTHER ROUND OF RUM! Shit forgot, Tea didn’t buy any more. DAMMIT! BRING VODKA!

he told us to stay with Armin in this...this...just overpowering voice. Even Annie and Reiner stayed."

Apparently no one has the balls to oppose the Stu. Or were they sincerely hoping that he’d get himself killed?

I mean, I’m pretty sure Reiner could beat the hell out of Stu. Wait, read ahead, he can’t, Stu gets worse.

The tall girl said. Mikasa looked surprised. Jacob had followed her... Then it hit her.

Turns out a titan had found them standing around in a big group and decided to have a light snack.

GOOD END 1

HAPPY ENDING!

" Wait, if he followed me but didn't come back that must mean that..(... CAN’T EVEN DO ELLIPSES RIGHT) Oh God no.." She fell to her knees, a small tear made its way down her cheek.

Why is she crying for this Stu? And she just forgets about Eren?

Nobody likes the Angry German.

Everyone looked at her.

“Sorry Mikasa. You’ve been infected by OOC syndrome. I’m afraid we have to put you out of your misery.”

Could be worse, she could’ve been the Draco to Ebony.

I believe you mean “Enoby”

" 'Oh God no' what?" Sasha asked, her eyes filled with fright. Armin looked up from his spot, still having tears in his eyes. ' Where(APOSTROPHE)s Jacob... W-Whose gear is that..?' Where (WERE) his thoughts.

Really Armin? Did you not pay any attention to the Stu’s display of teenage edginess?

Armin was too busy being the only character traumatized by his friend’s death.

" I think what Ackerman-san is trying to say is that it's quite possible that Patrick-san was eaten by a Titan." Said Annie as she stood up and dusted herself off,

Since when was Annie Japanese?

“This is anime, so they must all be Japanese right?”

She’s Russian right? Either way “Since this is an anime I have to use Japanese honorifics.”

Ymir nodded in agreement while everyone else had horrified looks.

Everyone should take a page from Ymir’s book and not give a fuck. Remind me again why anyone cares for the Stu?

Maybe he was a fun person at camp?

Because he is “Author-Avatar-san”. He is loved by all.

" But what I want to know is why Mikasa took off." Sasha said as she wiped a tear away.

Where were you, Sasha? Weren’t you right there when the Stu revealed that Eren was eaten?

She was busy eating bread and taters.

In her defense, who doesn’t like bread and potatoes? They are significantly more interesting than this drivel.

DAMN.

Mikasa herself answered While (LOWERCASE) she wiped he small tears away. " Jacob...he told he and Armin saw a Titan eat Eren." This time everyone (minus Annie and Ymir) gasped. Connie stood up.

WHAAAAAAAAAT? WHAT WERE YOU ALL DOING? WHERE YOU ALL ENAMOURED BY PAINT DRYING OR SOMETHING? YOU WERE STANDING THERE. HOW DID YOU NOT KNOW THIS ALREADY?

YAY FOR DRY PAINT!

" Now what?! HQ is overrun with Titans so we can't get gas! Jacob, who was one of the best trainees,

Of course he was, but we wouldn’t know that because it was never established in the story!

Sure, I can he would be a good Trainee… If he wasn’t such a damn Stu! WHY THE FUCK DOES HE NEED ABSURD SKILL!?

is dead along with Eren!

You know, just as a side note.

Cos I’m sure we all forgot Eren again.

We(APOSTROPHE)re all going to die!" The worried teen exclaimed.

Why must you test me so?

-Hands rum- Here, helps with headaches till the morning.

Everyone nodded their heads in agreement seeing as this was true. Then Mikasa remembered that new rouge(SPACE)Titan she saw.

“Oh right, that thing seemed kind of important. I probably should have said something sooner, but for some reason, I needed to cry and sniffle over that Stu.”

“But I’m sure they’ll see eventually.”

" Wait... When I was cornered by a Titan a 15m class Titan came out of nowhere and KILLED the other Titan." She said. Everyone looked at her like she was crazy. Reiner spoke this time. " Don't be stupid Ackerman, Titans don't kill their own kind."

“-Despite the fact you’re probably one of the most trustworthy people here and the city is under attack. We just might have believed you if you weren’t infected with OOC syndrome.”

Sums that situation up nicely.

Annie nodded in agreement. Mikasa rolled her eyes and spoke again. " If we could lure this new Titan to the HQ we could use it to kill the other Titans. And if you don't believe me look behind yourselves." And just as she said that everyone turned around just in time to see the rouge Titan punch the head of another 15m Titan off.

This story gives me current traumatic stress disorder.

YAY~! -kicks stool and hangs again.-

Everyone looked surprised till Mikasa took off again, most regained their wits and followed her, leaving Armin and Connie.

And they didn’t leave because…?

Well so did Armin go with the them or is he still being a bitch?

" Come on Armin, lets help the others with Mikasa's plan." Connie said, as he helped the still shocked blonde up as they looked down at Jacob's now missing gear. ' Mikasa must of picked it up.' Connie thought as he and Armin followed the others to carry out Mikasa's idea.

Well, that was pointless.

(ʘ‿ʘ) I really want to burn this.

Just as they had all left, the very same Titan that ate Jacob appeared, but something was off... It's smile was some(THIS IS ONE WORD, JACKASS)how a frown.

Simultaneously. A smiling frown if you will. Otherwise known as an oxymoron.

Herpaderp! Look at me creating impossible expressions!

Then there was a deep, primal and beastial (BESTIAL) growl, but it wasn't the Titan.

It’s okay. I’m fine. I can handle this. I swear.

Oh god… Here we go again.

Then all of a sudden the Titan exploded as something ripped it's (ITS. THE WORD YOU WANT IS ITS) way out of it's (ITS, AS IN POSSESSIVE PRONOUN NOT IT IS) stomach.

It’s a-me, Hercules~.

Once the Titan's blood stopped falling from the skies (COMMA) a very strange creature roared into the skies, the roar was loud, primal and sounded like a Grizzly Bear's roar mixed with a wolves howling.

KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT.

BURN IT WITH FIRE!

The creature was fifteen meters tall, it had a wolf-like head with two very large canines poking out from it's (ITS) lips. It's body was muscular and man like, but it was covered in shaggy jet black fur, the arms came down to it's (ITS. ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER)waist, but the hands were not man like. They had a due claw instead of a thumb, meaning the four finger like toes had to do the gripping, each of which had razor sharp claws that were two feet in length. The creature's legs were like a dog's hind legs, the feet were large paws with claws, (AND) there was no tail. But what stood out was (WERE, UNLESS THIS SON OF A BITCH WAS A CYCLOPS) the monster's eyes.

It was almost as if the monster was saying “Do it now, kill me. Come on, kill me. I’m right here. Kill me now.”

It’s hands stop at its waist? BWAAHAHAHAHHA! IT HAS BABY ARMS!

Can anybody say wannabe werewolf?

The right one was a deep blue with a round pupil and glowed while the left was a bright glowing yellow with a slit pupil.

Wait a minute. I recognize those angsty-borderline-constipated looks! Y’know, with a slit pupil…

Shouldn’t that say slight? Like in his bio?

Nope because who needs consistency?

The monster roared again as it dropped to all fours and charged towards a large group of Titans, a group that was in front of 104th Trainees Squad.

Let’s just do a mic check here.

Wow, that must have been some high quality paint watching if they didn’t notice titans approaching.

Or if they didn’t hear this thing roar twice.

As the wolf-like creature got closer the pounding of it's (ITS. USE THE SPELLCHECK) paws on solid ground got louder, this in turn caused Connie to look back. His entire face became a ghost white.

Becoming a ghost is your only way out.

Cos he’s Danny Phantom.

Oh, so I guess this hand grenade won’t work then?

Don’t waste our last grenade dammit.

The flamethrower then?

Y’all are running my joke into the ground.

He shouted out in horror. " WHAT THE FUCKING HELL THAT THING!?"

“WHY AREN’T WE KILLING IT?!”

PLOT CONVINCE!

This fic is painful to read.

At Connie's shout everyone else looked back as the creature bounded up to them, then past them, then right into the group of 15m Titans, and there at least six of them.

“Oh shit. Did you guys notice that? I didn’t.”

“Did you guys remember those roars we heard? No? Okay!”

EVERYONE

MORE UNNECESSARY EMPHASIS

YAY~!

was shocked to see the furry beast lunge past them and into a group of Titans of the same size. But were more shocked to see it land on it's (ITS) hind legs and stand upright like a human. The trainees stopped and landed on a nearby roof.

“Hang on a second! Let’s take a selfie!”

“Duck faces everyone!”

" Someone answer me! What IS that THING!?" Connie yelled at the others. Ymir looked over at the creature and stated the most obvious thing.

Relax, Connie. If you keep asking questions like that, you all just might have to do your job.

Lord forbid we actually use our training and get in Stu Wolf’s way.

So we’re just going to stand around and stare like a dead fish….?

" Well obviously it's a giant wolf." Pretty much everyone sighed at the statement.

It’s clear that literally no one cares enough to do anything besides state the obvious.

-bashes head in wall-

" We can see that, Ymir." Reiner said.

“Still not doing anything about it though.”

Mikasa looked over the Titans and wolf-beast. The monster had it'(NO APOSTROPHE)s jaws on a Titan's throat out, ripping it out before swiping it's (ITS. OTHERWISE YOU’RE SAYING IT IS) claws across the Titan's nape, killing it. Then another Titan bit into the creature's shoulder. The result was a pain filled roar, which drew the attention of a new comer. The Wolf turned around and tore into the attacking Titan. A new sound filled the air as the Rouge Titan, the one that saved Mikasa, jumped over the building with the trainees on it and onto another Titan, punching it's (ITS FOR FUCK’S SAKE) head off in the process. The wolf creature lifted it's (ITS *RAGE*) head up it's (ITS. SILENCE! I KILL YOU) kill, it was eating a dead Titan, to stare at the new comer.

So Mikasa, didn’t you have a plan or something? Does your plan involve sitting and staring as the plot progresses in front of you?

How can you eat a Titan if their body’s literally starts decaying right after death?

Both wolf creature and Titan had a small stare down. (COMMA, NOT PERIOD) Which then ended as they both went to killing the Titans.

“HAHA, GLAD THAT’S OVER. KILL YOU SOME OTHER TIME, GARY STU.”

“NICE MEETING YOU BUDDY!” Is only what I imagine they said.

(Mikasa's POV) I stared at the gory and brutal battle in front of me and the others.

“I have become quite skilled at this.”

“I should start a business.”

Connie was shaking, Armin pretty much almost entered a shock induced coma and everyone else were (WAS) either shocked or scared for their lives.

“Seriously, we’re just as lazy as this writing.”

Yes watching a bunch of creatures being brutally murdered could be scarring. BUT YOU ARE TRAINED FOR THIS! TAKE ACTION!

A shock induced coma? You could just say, oh I don’t know, PASSED OUT.

I turned back when I saw the large monster wolf start to eat a dead Titan like it hadn't eaten in a month. I look at the others.

“Hey, do guys wanna go grab some burgers or something?”

Again, you can’t eating a body that decays rapidly.

" We can't stay here, we need to get out of here while they kill the last Titan! C'mon!" With that I took off with the others in tow. Behind us I could hear the wolf's monstrous roar and the Rouge (ROGUE) Titan's screaming/roaring.

Quickly now! Run with your tail between your legs!

Okay, this is really hurting my brain.

The eye's (EYES) of that giant wolf thing looked so familiar... But I can't put a thumb on it.

“Weird, it’s almost like that angsty loser that got eaten earlier. I hope he doesn’t come back in some convoluted werewolf-wish-fulfillment that has absolutely no place in this world…”

*coughs*readahead!*coughs*

(Nobody's POV)

Nobody is the best character. Oh yes, they are the best.

As the trainees left, the last 15m Titan was killed by the Rouge (ROGUE. SPELL CHECK MOTHERFUCKER) Titan. The large wolf then dropped to all fours and ran off towards HQ, which had many Titans around it. The Rouge followed, but it wanted to also kill the large wolf monster as well.

“NO HARD FEELING BRO, BUT I’M GONNA KILL YOU AFTERWARDS.”

“NAH MAN THAT’S OKAY!

Time Skip: After All the Titans inside and outside HQ are killed.

Wolf beast and Titan, both fifteen meters tall, both deadly...both had kill in their eyes.

You might want to rinse out your eyes before they get infected. On second thought, don’t.

Too late! -rips eyes out and dips them in bleach-

Then in a powerful lungeing (LUNGING) punch the Rouge (ROGUE YOU HAVE ACCESS TO THE TECHNOLOGY. USE IT) had knocked the Wolf down, then the Rouge jumped onto the Wolf's chest before repeatedly punching it's chest and head. This in turned angered the creature a(TWO SEPARATE WORDS)lot M(LOWERCASE)ore then(THAN) it already was.

FINISH HIM.

K-K-K-KOMBO BREAKER

In a stroke of seconds

It was a backstroke to get away from this trash.

In a stroke of seconds Stu was finished with his bush.

the Wolf had turned the tables by using it's powerful hind legs to kick the Titan in the gut, causing said Titan to be thrown off and into the side of HQ, this caused the Trainees and some Garrison cadets to stumble in their places and some rubble to fall down to the Wolf roared it's Grizzly Bear/Wolf howl roar, this caused a few 10m Titans run out all directions and to attack both the Rouge and Wolf, both were throwing Titans at the other or trying to hit the other with a dead Titan.

(Coffee.exe has stopped working.)

Have you tried turning it off and turning it back on again?

Don’t waste dammit.

Soon the smaller Titans were dead or thrown away like broken toys. The rest of the fight lasted ten minutes as Titan and giant mammal brutally attacked the other. Large bodies slammed into each(SEPARATE WORDS)other. Body parts were lost and teeth knocked out of jaws. Bones were broken.

Cos y’know, can’t have a fight without extensive damage.

What’s a description?

The Rouge was missing it's (ITSITSITSITSITSITS) left arm from the elbow and down and it's face was badly damaged, there were dozens of deep claw marks all over the Titan's muscular body.

All this isn’t needed.

Too much detail on literally everything that isn’t important.

The Wolf was missing it's (ITS MOTHERFUCKER) whole right arm, its

left eye and a few teeth. Hell it was missing some patches of it's (ITS, I THOUGHT WE MADE PROGRESS, GOD DAMMIT) jet black fur. There were some broken bones within the beast's body.

Seriously, stop.

Yeesh, stop. We get it already.

You just love prattling on and on don’t you?

Both were on their knees and panting heavily... Soon they both fell forwards. As soon as they hit the ground steam rose from both monsters. Soon there was a large cloud of steam.(COMMA) Hiding the large bodies.

FINALLY!

YES! DEAD, JUST THE WAY IT SHOULD BE!

Our prayers have been answered!

Everyone on HQ's roof stared in disbelief.

They quickly went back to doing nothing.

Yay, more painting drying!

They just saw the two monsters that helped them fight against their enemy fall down after both gained severe injuries. Mikasa's eyes widened when the steam cleared just enough to reveal the large bodies were halfway decaying with flesh still on the head and shoulders. But on the napes of both necks were two 'lumps'

I hope those lumps aren’t more cancer.

It is cancer. Stu cancer.

I’ll get the chemo ready.

The 'lumps' moved and tore as two human's (HUMANS) emerged halfway from the napes of the necks. Everyone in 104th Trainees Group knew who the people were.

Cos the Trainees can see that far clearly.

They have suddenly become more aware of their surrounds as soon as the action was over.

Eren Yeager and Jacob Patrick II, the supposed dead trainees.

Couldn’t just have stayed dead.

Tbh, I hate both of them. Stu’s just worse for being a damn OP copy of Angry german.

At least there isn’t more of the OC running around.

Mikasa jumped off the roof and ran towards Eren's semi-conscious body. " EREN!" She cried as she removed him from the nape fully and held him. Mean(ONE COMPLETE WORD ASSHOLE)while everyone turned and looked to see that Jacob was fully conscious and fully out of the nape.

Who gives a fuck about Eren? The Stu true main character is alive.

Whose Eren? The Angry German?

His already pale skin was even paler, like he was drained of life.

Eren, you would have been spared from this atrocity if you had died.

The Stu allows no deaths. o,,,,,o

But his eyes shone bright before they closed and he fell unconscious and almost face first into the pavement if he wasn't caught by Mikasa, who had Eren over her shoulder.

“Oh no, the Stu that I care about for some reason, even though Eren has always been my first priority and I really have no valid reason to care about the Stu in the first place.”

The one time Mikasa didn’t forget Eren was just to sling him over her shoulder like a dirty towel.

" JACOB!" She screamed, tears fell from her eyes more then (Than) they did when she saw Eren's body.

“WHY DIDN’T YOU DIE?”

“FOR THE PLOT BABY!”

Everyone on the roof had shocked faces... They just couldn't believe it... Jacob and Eren... both were monsters

The Stu more so. All the more reason to shoot on sight.

OH NO! Cos it wasn’t obvious Jacob was the wolf!

. (CAPITAL LETTER) one was what their enemy was and the other a very large canine monster. Only Mikasa was crying as she held both males close to her, one certain multi-color eyed boy had one final thought, seeing as she was holding them close to her chest, his head right one her...*coughs*..assests (ASSETS)..*coughs*.

Her financial assets.

PLOT TWIST, those weren’t Mikasa’s breasts. They were Armin’s.

PLOT TWIST! They were Bertolt’s sweet buttocks.

'Score...'

 Those were his final thoughts before he was smothered to death.

Everyone wants to die by them tig ol’ bitties.

____________________________________________________________ PHEW! That was the longest time I've ever spent on a chapter. Well, I'll see you all next time I update. JA NI!

(◡‿◡✿) You lying piece of shit. (ʘ‿ʘ✿)

WHAT THE EVER LIVING FUCK IS JA NI, YOU WEEABOO PIECE OF SHIT!

CONCLUSION

Lazy writing riddled with easy-to-spot errors, author avatar, reduction of major cast to lazy eggs, and a terrible case of OOC for all involved but easy to make fun of; I give this a 2/10.

I give this a 2/10 for lazy writing, spelling errors and putting the original cast completely out of character as well as putting a shipping where one shouldn’t exist.

Personally...I wouldn’t rate this at all, but seeing as it’s a three year old story, 0.5/10. Why? Because it shat on werewolves, AOT fans, and the anime itself.

 Well, that was fun. Let’s never tackle this again. Agreed?

This story is pretty terrible, so I can agree that we should not tackle any more of this. There are more chapters though so I say light it on fire.

Yeah I’m not doing this hell again. ONTO THE NEXT STORY DAMMIT! We need more drinks again. Tea forgot to bring the rum. ಠ╭╮ಠ

 -Coffee, Tea, and Jagerbomb