#Light and love on this gay earth

[boxwinebaddie]

my favorite baby style ncu continuity is cute tiny hopeless romantic kindergarten disney prince stan falling in love with kyle broflovski at first sight and buying every flavor of ring pop trying to propose to him like 'you are...the most Beautiful person i've ever seen.'

and evil feral kindergarten nj kyle threatening to bite him, fight him and end his pitiful life like 'and you are...so Gahdamn WEIRD. stay the hell away from me, yA FREAK!' and trying to bear mace him skdhs

— but then k-garten stan doing something incredibly wholesome, mindboggling stupid and storybook chivalrous to save k-garten kyle's life, the ice around his cold black heart melting, bein forever changed and falling head over heels in love w boy hero k-garten stan...

...all to take the fATTEST L OF ALL FUCKING TIME because he is too emotionally constipated to confess his feelings and end up gettin stuck in the super best friend zone FOREVER bc every day perfect stan marsh gets lovelier, handsomer and....Fucking STUPIDER.

[thebendsbyradiohead]

where is that post about a little boy and his beagle tearing down missing dog posters!!! i just saw a family of three taking down their missing cat posters in the supermarket while the girl was eating an ice cream

[grimcatician]

Something something something book omens’ focus is about the love of humanity something something shows is about the love between two (not) ppl something something something dolphins

[eugeniedanglars]

i’m rewatching a christmas prince for the first time since it came out and between this and falling for christmas—yall, i don’t know if it’s just that i’m feeling extra festive this year or if vespers are the secret ingredient to making christmas romcoms good, but goddamn, i am so much more engrossed in this movie than i was the first time around and i think i unironically like cheesy christmas romcoms now??

[humanspringchicken]

Thranduil: You attended a university? What did you do there?

Julian, an archeology major with a minor in paleontology: I paid money to dig up bones and lick rocks

[direquail]

the thing that people are missing about TLT—what makes it so good and so extremely affirmingly gay—is that it is layered through and through with queer desire of all kinds: Sick desire, wrong desire, desire that will never be voiced let alone fulfilled, desire that CANNOT be spoken of, desires that shouldn’t be fulfilled or run counter to social mores of the setting in ways that are alien to the reader’s own. It is So. Horny. People are horny for corpses. They’re fucking using other peoples’ bodies (without consent). They’re subtextually fucking their siblings. The core homoerotic relationship is a necro/cav relationship, which in the book’s setting, romantic or sexual necro/cav relationships are considered repulsive.

And it will never be fulfilled or consummated in the sense that most people imagine them. Nobody is getting what they want. Girls are kissing girls who are in love with someone else’s corpse. Girls are lobotomizing themselves to save other girls’ souls. Girls are spearing their hearts on iron fences and offering their souls to other girls to eat. They are both profoundly Not Getting Laid and also having intimacies and consumptions that make sucking and fucking seem about as profound as a puddle. The penetration metaphor of Naberius’ death and the bottoming metaphor of Gideon’s cannot be overstated. Someone’s arm is amputated and it’s the closest thing that book has to a sex scene.

And somehow, even though it portrays repression in some cases, it is not Repressed(TM). The girls are Jesus; the girls are reading porn rags; the girls are dying as virgins. Someone tries to fuck a hallucination that is also the ghost of the Devil and also of the Earth. The ghost of the Earth and the Devil says “Huh. One moment, I have to cross time, space, and the River beyond death” and roughly… a day later, fully possesses their body.

Sex doesn’t begin to describe it. It is sublime; it is spiritual; it is as crass and visceral and compulsive as whatever sick pornographies anybody gets off to; it is as grimy and solipsistic and subterranean as any human unconscious.

You simply could not get that in a light and happy “found family! ✨” rainbow sci-fi

[soulmatesinc-if]

A light-hearted interactive fiction game about soulmates, chances and choices, written in ChoiceScript.

|| PLAY HERE || [119k]

|| extra content ||

Here at Soulmates Inc we specialize in chance meetings!

Love happens.

It takes by the storm. It is lucky, it is cruel, it makes no sense, it elevates. It is beautiful, it rears its ugly head, then it is beautiful once again. Now that, humans can manage on their own.

Soulmate-grade connection is an entirely different brand. Enter you. That's your brand. It requires dedicated labor. Whimsical meetings. Nuance.

As a soul-link, you arrange for those destined matches to happen using the powers of glamor at your disposal. An ancient practice, really, though, as with everything, it has evolved and happily marched with the times. You work out of an office, have a phone plan, a lease, and a favorite restaurant. Your boss is not a half-naked man with a bow and arrows but a fashionably dressed man who goes to a gym and drives an electrical Mustang.

It is nice. Modern.

Just one rule. The only rule, in fact. A scripture, if you will: never interact with a soul directly.

Which is precisely why your most recent half-match staring at your confused face is so damn bad. Worse yet, they can see right through your glamor for some reason.

Now what?..

love is all around you but it does not have to be for you: play as aro, ace, bi, gay or straight. Your romantic prospects are three, but each has a story to tell

explore who you are: a firm and enthusiastic believer, a burned-out office worker, or a skeptical soul-link questioning their purpose

use and evolve your soul-link powers: Empathy and Shroud

keep up with your job duties and bring people together while trying to protect your employer from a greater looming threat

someone is throwing around heavy words like 'destiny', but dealing with existential questions is entirely optional!

Amber | Andrew Wyatt Once a high-performer soul-link, they flew too close to the sun and snooped around where one does not snoop around. Having fallen from grace at a company that believes in chances, Wyatt is back on probation, though under your supervision. The light is snuffed out of their eyes, and instead of being a firm believer, Wyatt now drips disillusioned pearls of what they think is wisdom.

A languid redhead who wears sunglasses more often than not.

Samuel | Samantha C. Powell Sam has a steady job, does weekly family visits and always parks the bike properly. How do you learn that? Sam is also your sparkling new charge, a common everyperson, a salt of the earth—nope, not that simple at all! You cannot seem to find their soulmate (never happens) and they can see through your glamor (never happens either). To be fair, Sam is freaked out by it, too.

Your sporty charge in a wrinkle-free T-shirt with a mess of locs held back by a band.

Martin | Mia Romero A hectic ball of energy that is a human person, they are passionate about their distaste for your employer's business and are happy to go in length about it. Romero is messy, yet strangely put together in their belief: a hurricane that may sweep you off your feet if you are not careful enough. They know things, things no human should. You should probably report that to your boss...

A city dweller with hair tied sloppily in a short low ponytail, perfectly matched with dramatic eyebags.

[30somethingautisticteacher]

The drunk woman was relentless, invading Tommy's personal space as he tried to step back. He kept flashing his ring, but either she hadn't noticed or simply didn't care. Tommy glanced at his watch, grateful Evan hadn't arrived yet to see this mess.

"I'm just a poor girl all alone and new to the city," she slurred, pressing closer. "Can you help me get home safely? You can drive me, and then you can come up and I can thank you properly." She traced a finger down his arm. "I'm sure your wife wouldn't mind."

'Okay, she just doesn't care,' Tommy thought, taking a step back.

"I'm sure the bartender would be happy to call a cab for you," he said firmly.

"But you're so big and strong. I would feel so protected," she pouted, swaying slightly.

"I'm flattered, but I'm sure you'll be plenty safe," Tommy said, maintaining his distance. "And my husband won't like you all over me."

"Husband?" the woman spat, her flirtatious demeanor instantly shifting. "Seriously, you're gay?" Her slurred voice dripped with disdain.

It was at that exact moment that Evan appeared.

"Oh, he's very, very gay," Evan said, draping his arms over Tommy's shoulders and pulling him in for a steamy kiss.

"Hi, baby," Tommy said when they broke apart, his earlier tension melting away at his husband's presence.

"You can go now," Evan said dismissively to the woman.

"You're the husband?" she scoffed, looking Evan up and down with obvious judgment. "What a waste."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Evan asked, his voice sharpening. Tommy could feel him tensing up beside him.

"Not worth it, sweetheart," Tommy said softly, squeezing Evan's hand. He knew that tone in his husband's voice - the one that meant someone had struck a nerve.

"No, I want to know," Evan insisted, his jaw set. The playful possessiveness from moments ago had been replaced by something harder, more defensive. "What exactly is being wasted here?"

"Your lifestyle," she sneered, waving her hand dismissively. "Two big, strong, handsome men shacking up together."

"Shacking up?" Evan said, his voice dangerously quiet. The woman had crossed a line, and Tommy knew his husband well enough to recognize when he was about to snap.

"We're not shacking up," Evan continued, holding up his left hand where his wedding ring caught the bar lights. "We're married. Legally married. I walked down an aisle, said vows, signed papers, and promised to love this man for the rest of my life. And you know what? It was the best decision I ever made."

Tommy's heart swelled, watching his husband defend their marriage.

"So no, it's not a waste. What would be a waste is if I pretended to be something I'm not just to make people like you comfortable. Now if you'll excuse us, I'd like to have a drink with my husband."

"You people," the girl said, shaking her head in disgust.

Tommy felt Evan stiffen next to him, ready for another round, but this time Tommy stepped forward. He'd let Evan handle it his way, now it was his turn.

"Ah, 'you people,'" Tommy said, his voice calm but firm. "Let me tell you about 'us people.' My husband and I are first responders. We put our lives on the line every single day for others - including people who think like you do. I spent years hiding who I was because of that kind of hatred, afraid to be myself. But then I finally accepted who I really was, and that opened my heart to the possibility of love. And I found it - real, earth-shattering, life-changing love."

He pulled Evan closer, feeling his husband relax against him. "So the only waste here would be letting people like you make us ashamed of something so beautiful."

Tommy turned away from the woman, effectively dismissing her. "Come on, baby."

The woman slunk away into the crowd, her previous bravado gone.

"You ok, babe?" Evan asked, turning to Tommy with concern.

"Are you kidding?" Tommy said, pulling him closer by his belt loops. "That was extremely sexy watching you tell her off like that. Look how far my little baby bi has come."

"Couldn't have done it without you," Evan said softly.

"You know, I'm actually more hungry than thirsty," Tommy said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Oh, is that so?" Evan replied, a knowing smirk spreading across his face."Well, we should probably do something about that."

"Yeah, we probably better," Tommy said, pulling Evan in for a heated kiss.

When they broke apart, Evan was speechless. He shook his head. "But not here."

"Right, right, let's get out of here."

They stumbled out of the bar together, Tommy tugging Evan along by their joined hands. Their laughter mixed with the night air, any trace of anger long forgotten replaced by the joy of just being together.

[albontology]

okay sorry to drag this out of replies but i was exceeding reply character limit, response to @vroomvroom-mfs and more thoughts under the cut

okay i'll be honest i'm so surprised that you mention that because my brain immediately snapped to ryan-> alex:shane->george-- i feel like alex has that more sort of open, kind of hesitant-play/magic-circle ("i'll play in this space until it gets too real") mentality that would best resemble how ryan is open to letting some degree of potential belief through; and then the parallels of car-talk to paranormal research are shared between them both; and then george is kind of this straight-man off that whose contribution to the play is more tongue-in-cheek, nod to the camera. (admittedly there is also the mental association of george and shane both being Tall White Men.) i'd love to hear what characterizations led to your first train of thought :000

i haven't given it much thought because the tension and the slow burn and the miscommunication are so totally my bread and butter,, also, i think half of my thoughts from this au might just be retreadings of unsolved fic i read back in the day so. uh. whoops.

ultimately, george's identity and their romantic thoughts about one another get down to the root of like, personal and emotional honesty, so the reveals would have to be either concatenated or simultaneous. i like the idea of like.. unbeknownst to george, alex would have been picking up on clues for quite some time, though regulating them to kind of paranoid fantasy (and in general repressing the idea that he's so enamored with his coworker he's been noticing every small detail of his person). maybe they've just been told that their viewership is flagging and they're going to be taken off-air following their latest season? and alex is so devastated because it's crashing in to him that he's dedicated the key years of the beginning of his media career to running around like a chicken with his head cut off in front of a camera, blubbering about 'spiritual electro-frequencies' and cursed mineshafts, and it didn't get him anywhere, he's a joke and an idiot. and worst of all-- surely george has just been humoring him, has just been a coworker with clear professional distance, a retainer, at best, and even then alex cares for him so deeply and doesn't want them to break up to have to stop hosting the show together.

george's internalization of the cancellation is very much like: he's got a supernatural connection, he has the power to make the show engaging, to bring views, to give the audience what he wants. he can't, he shouldn't, give in to the urge to meddle with the laws of nature just to make alex smile get views, but all of a sudden he feels like a manipulative creep when he sees how torn up alex is about the show ending. how could he have played along with this whole charade for so long, when clearly alex's passion for the paranormal runs so deep he's this emotionally distraught at the idea of it getting taken away from him?

so. hm. well this didn't get us any closer to the reveal scene. idk, maybe george decides to take that forbidden step and do something for alex to see, to revive their network potentials, but then gets caught out in it. he tries to lie his way out of it, of course, definitely attempts to gaslight the shit out of alex, maybe even actually messes with his memory or perception, but alex doesn't let it go -- he's gathered clues about george all this time, and when he does fully comprehend what's happened, alex is fucking pissed, and good riddance because their show is over and george is gone. alex gets reassigned to research for some other youtube series and all the while his rage is crystallizing into this need for answers-- he tells himself it's about the supernatural, but the "why did this happen" always ends up morphing into "why did this happen to me" into "why did george do this to me, specifically." there must have been some reason george stuck with alex through it all, some genuine desire at the core of it, and alex needs to know what it was, what kept them together...

anyways alex draws a demon summoning circle and george appears in a big poof of diptyque 'orpheon' scented haze and then they have hot sex in the middle of the chalk lines and make all the candles levitate or some shit. love wins!

galex unsolved/ghost files au

[once-upon-the-earth]

Look I think I said it before somewhere but I need to talk about it again.

Aziraphale (in the show - his characterization differs in the book and I’m talking about show Aziraphale here) is a soft character. He started out as a soldier and he made the conscious decision to give the sword away to someone who would use it for protection, instead of keeping it to fight (leaving out the whole thing about War owning it later on cause that’s a different topic and definitely wasn’t what Aziraphale had in mind when giving away the sword). He also makes a conscious decision to look and act as non-threatening as possible, instead deciding to look soft and huggable and gay as hell a tree full of monkeys on nitrogen oxide. We don’t see him fighting anybody even when he gets the sword back - he just holds it and swings it around a little, he doesn’t even lift it when they face Satan (I think. I’d have to go back and watch again but I’m fairly sure he just stands in the background behind Adam with the tip of the sword facing the ground).

We know, or at least suspect from the scene where he fixes the hole in the wall that he’s physically strong and we know he’s still technically a soldier in Heavens eyes (Gabriel going „you’re a lean mean fighting machine“ and him having and possibly leading a platoon in Heaven) but he fully rejects that position in episode five to go back to Earth. He doesn’t want to be a soldier at all. He’s still a protector, we see this in season two with Jimbriel (he literally says „I said I would protect you and I will), but even THEN he doesn’t physically fight the demons entering the bookshop (he lights the circle but it’s Maggie and Nina throwing fire extinguishers and encyclopedias).

I know we as the fandom love badass Aziraphale. I love badass Aziraphale as well. I take a little bit of an issue with how him actually being badass is portrayed in fanfic sometimes because a lot of trying to make him physically fight demons comes across as trying to make him more masculine, more fit, less the campy, soft, kind character that he is and it annoys me. (A part of that is also how people try to make him more like Crowley, which I don’t like the undertones of either but that’s a whole different topic.) Both because I don’t like the implication that to make him badass you have to change that part of his character and because we’ve seen him being badass in the show already and it was either a) trying to protect humans/Crowley/Jimbriel, which involved a lot more threatening that him actually throwing hands or on one occasion b) him being bitchy (Furfur pronouncing his name wrong). It was him being kind and caring about people and their lives! And possibly their reading skills.

And I know there’s a lot of hope for more badass Aziraphale in season three, because hell yeah, Heaven getting obliterated from the inside? Absolutely. But when we get to see BAMF Aziraphale in season three (because I don’t doubt we will, in some form or other) I’d much rather see him be badass by outsmarting Heaven (magic tricks anybody?) and getting away with it or threatening the Metatron or whatever than by punching somebody in the face. And IF he does have to use physical violence, then I want there to be a reason for it and I want it to be portrayed as a bad thing. Like I want I to be the absolutely lowest point of the character because we know how much he detests doing it and he hates having to do it anyways.

In that case also want it to end with the Metatron dead in a ditch.

[whollysensei]

sensei what would "the left and right hands" wedding look like? more steppe or more capital? in the town or in the fields? would danya wear his snakeskin coat to his own wedding?

pt. 1 wedding ideas steppe edition Ohh, i have so many words in my little head i doubt i can fit them in just one post. Im quite certain people wouldn't care much about my letters so i brought pictures >:) also im currently feeling very nauseous almost 24/7 so pls wait a bit before i get my strength back and post the second part

To make it short, i think they respect each other upbringings and cultures enough to do both.

First of all, since we already have a concrete idea of what a wedding to the Kin is — which is the sacrifice of a Herb Bride in order to wed her to the Earth — there might be a need for an alternative ritual for the declaration of eternal companionship. I think of it as a dance still but not where one is caressing the Earth, but showing her the connection of two people. Of how they complement each other through dance (earthly tango of sorts). As if a silent song of movement and fabric. And so to add even more meaning to the Kin's dance.

Though, frankly speaking, i have a big grudge with such bare (hehe) selection of clothing ipl gave to the Kin. I doubt all the festivities and ceremonies wouldn't require special kind of wardrobe. Atleast for the sake of convenience. (Ohh how i'd love to draw all the different jewelry and accessories the herb brides would wear and everything and anything....)

I pretty much looked for the same cultures which were used for the creation Kin's language ( Tibetan, Mongolian, Buryat ) to imagine my own idea of such costumes. These people have such gorgeous headwear and bright fabrics and beautiful embroidery, I can't be doing it justice with my art. My main goal was to make the costumes use mainly head accessories and visually light materials so the gays can move and dance freely. But thanks to this little question i might draw more of it and maybe even post it!!!!!

All in all, 5/10 execution cause i'm too stupid for beautiful clothes these are literally so pretty i want to stare at it :c

plus a more private sketch with our newlyweds c:

thank you for reading this c:

[lisbeth-kk]

Sherlock fandom.

Temporary Stupefaction

Sherlock pulls up the collar of his coat to protect his neck from the icy wind. The night is dark and foggy. Gloomy. It fits his mood. 

John was on a date when Lestrade called with a nasty murder. Sherlock texted and even called John, but he didn’t pick up, nor answered the texts. 

It had been an extraordinary case. John would’ve loved it, despite how easily Sherlock solved it. The cases were no fun when John was absent.

Colourful leaves are twirling around his feet in Regent’s Park. Sherlock is desperate to get home to the warmth of 221B. He forgot to bring his gloves. 

John wasn’t there to remind him. 

Still, Sherlock is hesitating to leave the park and walk the short distance to Baker Street. The flat is probably empty and cold if John’s still out. Perhaps he’s got a leg over and will sleep at that woman’s place. Sherlock is thankful that John never brings any of his girlfriends to the flat.

Small blessings.

The wind and his soon frostbitten hands, decide for him, and Sherlock approaches the black door. When he looks up at the windows, he stops abruptly. Golden light from the lamps and something incandescent, tells him that John is home and that he’s lit the fire. Suddenly John’s figure appears in the window. He stands with his back to Sherlock and he’s gesticulating wildly with his arms.

John never does that.

He’s clearly talking to someone. Sherlock checks his watch. Nearly midnight. Too late for a visit from Mrs. Hudson. Lestrade drove home at the same time Sherlock left the Yard, Molly never visits them, and Mycroft is out of the country as far as Sherlock knows.

Who can it be and why is John so agitated?

He needs more data, and hurries to find his keys and locks himself in as silently as he can. Sherlock tiptoes up the seventeen steps, avoiding the creaky one. John’s voice is loud, but the words are muffled by the door.

Sherlock stops on the landing to eavesdrop before deciding how to proceed.

“How did she know, hm? I’ve only dated her two times.”

There’s a long silence. Sherlock reaches for the doorknob but stops when John speaks again.

“What do you mean I talk about him all the time? He’s the person I deal with the most. It’s only natural, don’t you think?”

What on earth is John talking about? And more importantly; who is he talking to? The responses from the unknown guest, are apparently so low that even Sherlock’s brilliant hearing can’t perceive it.

“I’m not gay, remember!”

Ah, John is talking about Sherlock. His heart cracks every time John utters those words. He startles when John’s voice quivers.

“How did you know that I’m bi? I’ve never told a soul. And before you say Sholto, nothing happened, okay!”

John’s voice rises again when he mentions his former superior officer. Sherlock has always wondered about their relationship. His stomach is in uproar. John has just admitted that he’s bisexual while discussing Sherlock. 

What does that mean?

Sherlock can hear that John is pacing, but he’s stopped talking. He opens the door as carefully as possible and dares to look. John seems lost in his own head. His hands are buried in his hair. He looks a bit like Sherlock does when he’s despairing about a case or useless yarders. 

A quick survey of the room stupefies him. It’s empty apart from John. 

Who the hell has he been talking to?

“Do we have an invisible guest, John?” he asks softly.

John turns to him, his face ashen. He stutters, then blushes. 

“Sh…Sher…Sherlock! What are you doing here?”

“I live here,” Sherlock offers with a smirk.

John snorts and starts to chuckle.

“Yeah, you do. Sorry. I was just…”

“You were talking to…”

Sherlock doesn’t finish the sentence but waves a hand, indicating for John to fill in the blanks.

“No one,” John mumbles, his smile gone.

“I heard you,” Sherlock coaxes, eager to solve this mystery.

He hangs up his coat and walks to the fireplace to warm his hands.

“You forgot your gloves again,” John tuts.

“Brilliant deduction, John,” Sherlock quips.

He rubs his palms together and expects John to reprimand him further, but the flat is deadly silent.

“I was talking to Harry,” John finally says behind him.

Sherlock turns so fast he almost knocks John over. His eyes evidently show the horror he feels.

Harry Watson, John’s twin sister, has been dead for six years.

Before Sherlock can analyse this baffling information further, John grips his hands, warming them efficiently. Sherlock momentarily closes his eyes to revel in the sensation. Warmth seeps through him in a flash and sets in his chest like a burning flame. When he opens his eyes, John is gazing up at him with a look Sherlock’s seen before, but not often. It’s fond and hungry. Normally, it disappears within seconds, but this time…

“Sherlock?” John whispers.

“Are you a psychic, John?” 

Shit! He didn’t mean to say that out loud.

“Just a vivid imagination, but who the hell knows? Me and Harry’s bond has always been strong. I don’t think I’ve told you, but as children we sometimes communicated telepathically.”

“You are an enigma, John Watson,” Sherlock murmurs.

Sherlock is completely warm now, and decides to be brave. He pulls John to him by his hands, guiding them around his waist. After he has released them, he lets his own hands cradle the back of John’s head and bends down. When he’s close enough to feel John’s breath on his face, he looks into John’s eyes to get confirmation. They are closed, so Sherlock bends down further and kisses each eyelid, before he finds John’s cheeks, forehead, chin and at long last, his lips.

When they part for air. John smiles and tells his sister to kindly leave them alone.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

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[thebendsbyradiohead]

& you know how i recognized him? by his balding head

THE GUY I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO AT MY GATE TO SKOPJE LMFAOOOO

[soracities]

would you be willing to share books or poems with your favorite or even pretty writing / prose? thank you 😊

oh Absolutely

books!

A Moth to a Flame, Stig Dagerman

For Two Thousand Years, Mihail Sebastian

The Bloody Chamber, Angela Carter

Her Body and Other Parties, Carmen Maria Machado

The House on Mango Street, Sandra Cisneros

The Waves, Virginia Woolf

Mrs Dalloway, Virginia Woolf

The Sea, John Banville

The Tenderness of Wolves, Stef Penney

Possession, A.S. Byatt

The Memory Police, Yoko Ogawa

The Thirteenth Tale, Diane Setterfield

The Book of Delights, Ross Gay

Wide Sargasso Sea, Jean Rhys

i am lewy, Eoghan Ó Tuairisc

A Tale for the Time Being, Ruth Ozeki

Seiobo There Below, Laszlo Krasznahorkai

The History of Love, Nicole Krauss

The Carpenters Pencil, Manuel Rivas

Books Burn Badly, Manuel Rivas (full disclosure: the language in this book is HARD)

How the Soldier Repairs the Gramophone,  Saša Stanišić

From A to X: A Story in Letters, John Berger

Tess of the d'Urbervilles, Thomas Hardy

A Thousand Splendid Suns, Khaled Hosseini

Still Life with Oysters and Lemon, Mark Doty

The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera

Paris, When It's Naked, Etel Adnan

A Ghost in the Throat, Doireann Ní Ghríofa

Four Bare Legs in a Bed: Stories, Helen Simpson

South of the Border, West of the Sun, Haruki Murakami

A Field Guide to Getting Lost, Rebecca Solnit

Perfume: The Story of a Murderer, Patrick Süskind

The Things We Don't Do, Andrés Neuman

We Love Glenda So Much and Other Tales, Julio Cortázar

Letters to a Young Poet, Rilke

All We Saw, Anne Michaels (poetry)

Collected Poems of Vasko Popa, Vasko Popa (poetry)

Barefoot Souls, Maram al-Masri (poetry)

Without an Alphabet, Without a Face, Saadi Youssef (poetry)

poems!

"In Spite of Everything, the Stars" by Edward Hirsch

"I Can Tell You a Story" by Chuck Carlise

"The Roses of Saadi" by Marceline Desbordes-Valmore

"The Stare" by Sujata Bhatt

"Stolen Moments" by Kim Addonizio

"Moonlight Sonata" by Yannis Ritsos

"No Title Required" by Wislawa Szymborska

"I Sleep A Lot" by Czeslaw Milosz

"Prayer for the Mutilated World" by sam sax

"Try to Praise the Mutilated World" by Adam Zagajewski

"I Cannot be Known" by Paul Eluard

"The Cinnamon Peeler" by Michael Ondaatje

"Filling Spice Jars as Your Wife" by Kai Coggin

"Persimmons" by Li-Young Lee

"This Room and Everything in It" by Li-Young Lee

"When We With Sappho" by Kenneth Rexroth

"On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous" by Ocean Vuong

"Not Even This" by Ocean Vuong

"Elegy of Fortinbras" by Zbigniew Herbert

"Wedding Poem" by Ross Gay

"Transformations of the Lover" by Adonis

"Cloves" by Saadi Youssef

"Punishment" by Seamus Heaney

"I've Dreamed of You So Much" by Robert Desnos

"Bleecker Street, Summer" by Derek Walcott

"Cave Dwellers" by A. Poulain Jr.

"De Humani Corporis Fabrica" by John Burnside

"The Great Fires" by Jack Gilbert

"The Forgotten Dialect of the Heart" by Jack Gilbert

[kxssmeliv]

Good Luck, Babe!

Cw: Angst without comfort, motions of internalized homophobia/homophobia in general, Don't read if your very religious!!

Ellie was slouched on the edge of her bed, her eyes half-closed and her guitar resting precariously on her lap. The dim light of the room cast long shadows, lighting the weariness etched on her face. She strummed a few chords absentmindedly, the sound echoing through the apartment like a melancholic melody. You sat beside her, your hand gently rubbing the small of her back, a soft smile on your face as you watched her play. The room was silent except for the gentle sound of her guitar, and the subtle sound of your breathing.

In the quiet intimacy of the moment, you found a profound sense of peace, the kind that only came from being with someone who truly understood you. Her music, while somber, was a testament to the depth of her spirit, and you found yourself drawn to it, much like you were drawn to her.

Ellie comes to a halt, her fingers slowly releasing the strings of her guitar as she sets it down carefully beside her. With a turn, she directs her attention towards you, her eyes meeting yours with a small smile on her lips.

"I just had a thought," she says, gazing down at your bare thigh, waiting for you to ask what it was.

"What is it?" 

Ellie seemed hesitant as she avoided making eye contact. After struggling to find the right words, she finally spoke hesitantly. "Um, I don't know if you've heard, but Dina is throwing a Valentine's Day get-together," she met your eyes. "I was thinking maybe we could go together, as a couple." Ellie paused before finishing her sentence.

You took a deep breath, the air feeling thick in your lungs, and let out a nervous laugh that was barely audible. Your heart was racing and your palms were sweaty as you thought about the secret you had been keeping from your family. 

Unlike Ellie, who was openly gay and accepted by the people around her, you couldn't be open about your sexuality, due to your family's strict religious beliefs and narrow-minded views as well as some of the people in your town. You were your parent's golden child, being perfect, and never getting into trouble. You knew you had to choose between your family, morals, and reputation or your happiness. 

"Ellie," you began, your voice barely above a whisper. "I want to. I do. But I'm just... I'm not ready yet." You could see the disappointment in her eyes.

"You said the same thing 7 months ago," Ellie lets out, her eyes widening at her own words.

As soon as you hear her words, your heart begins to pound relentlessly against your ribcage, a sensation so intense that you feel like it could burst out of your chest any second, you can't help but hang on to every word she says.

"I know...and I'm sorry" You take a deep breath in between speaking, you would have said more if you could, but you didn't know what to say.

"When will you be ready?" Ellie's voice is laced with frustration, you couldn't blame her, you had been telling her the same excuse for almost 2 years. When are you going to be ready? Ellie imagined a future with you, getting married, buying a home, and starting a family. How would that happen if you kept her a secret? A lot of times Ellie couldn't help but think you would be happier with a man, you wouldn't have to keep him a secret.

From the moment you met Ellie you knew you wanted to spend the rest of your life with her, the same night you went home, you cried and prayed to god for forgiveness for thinking about another girl that way.

 Ellie understood you in a way no one else did, she didn't judge you for being yourself, she listened to whatever you had to say and you did the same for her. You loved her more than anything on earth, you never wanted to be apart from her, so the ultimate you were left with now killed you. Ellie and happiness, or the only life you knew.

Her question left you frozen, 'when will you be ready' The question swam around in your mind, you knew there wasn't a concrete answer to that, it was a question you've asked yourself countless times. "I don't know, Ellie, I wish I did." The honesty in your voice echoed the helplessness you felt inside. 

You knew Ellie wouldn't wait for you forever, it wasn't fair to her. You were surprised Ellie didn't hate you or hadn't left you yet, she had every right to. Ellie feels a bitter taste on her tongue at your words, she nods her head slowly. You couldn't keep putting her through this, hurting her, she didn't deserve it. The only way you could fix it is by ending it. 

"Ellie," you choke out, your voice breaking, "I think... I think we should break up." The words hang in the air between you, heavy and painful, sounding so final and irrevocable.

Ellie's eyes widen, the breath knocked out of her as if you'd physically struck her. For a moment, she just stares at you, her mouth opening and closing as she struggles to form words. The silence that follows is deafening.

"What?" Ellie finally manages to whisper, her voice barely audible. Her hands tremble, and she clutches them together tightly as if to keep herself from falling apart.

You let out a shaky breath, your heart aching at the look of utter disbelief on her face. "I... I can't keep doing this to you, Ellie. It's not fair," you murmur, the words tasting bitter on your tongue. "You deserve someone who can love you openly, not... not someone too scared to be true to themselves."

She looks at you, her eyes welling up with tears, but she blinks them back, refusing to let them fall. "I want you," she says, her voice stronger now. "I don't care about what other people think. I don't care about the rest of the world. I care about you."

But you shake your head, tears streaming down your cheeks now. "I care, Ellie. I can't live like this. I can't keep hiding, and I can't keep hurting you."

It's a long, painful silence before she finally nods, her shoulders slumping as she accepts your words. She doesn't argue, doesn't fight, just accepts. And that somehow hurts more than anything else.

You stand up from the bed, avoiding Ellie's eyes, grabbing your bag, and heading for the door.

"I love you. I hope one day, you'll love yourself too. Good luck, babe."

Your heart feels a thousand pounds heavier hearing her words, a part of you wants to turn around and take it all back, beg for her to take you back. But you can't, you won't. Tears fall down your eyes as you walk out of her apartment and to your car. Your heart knows you just made the biggest mistake of your life, as you get in your car, and make your way home.

Maybe god could still forgive you.

An: Sorry for this, i just love being in pain >w< GO LISTEN TO CHAPPELL ROAN NOW!!!!!

[anachronistic-falsehood]

saintsofchaos reblogged el-presidente 🔁

🌄tinyakitten Follow

MAKING A TEA FARM FOR MY BEAUTIFUL GIRLFRIEND <3

⚔️saintsofchaos Follow

She’s on a different team Tina 0_0

🌄tinyakitten Follow

mad bc you’re single huh bad??? how’s it going with forever

🍃el-presidente ✅ Follow

👀👀👀👀????

⚔️saintsofchaos Follow

I’m blocking you

👓puddle-of-slime Follow

JUST HAD SEX WITH MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE LIKE THREE TIMES IN THE PUBLIC POOL AT GLOBAL <3 LOVE IS REAL

#i’m unblocking him #i feel like i just saw god

carnivoreanimal reblogged saintsofchaos 🔁

⚠️pac-trigger-warning Follow

im literlally fucking crying and sbhakding what did he meanb by this

🔪carnivoreanimal Follow

ola queridinho ;)

🛤️industrial-revolution Follow

BACK BACK BACXK BACK BACK

🛤️industrial-revolution Follow

GO AWAYYYYYYY

🛤️industrial-revolution Follow

HE'S LITERALLY NUERODIVERGENT AND A MINOR

🛤️industrial-revolution Follow

YOURE BREKAING HIS BOUNDARIES YOURE BREAKING HIS BOUNDARIES YOURE ON HIS DNI LIST

🛤️industrial-revolution Follow

KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS

🛤️industrial-revolution Follow

@/saintsofchaos GET HIS ASS

⚔️saintsofchaos Follow

@/carnivoreanimal Cellbit you wanna 1v1 me at blue's base if you're not too scared??? OwO

🔪carnivoreanimal Follow

i'm going to eat pac's other leg

parrot-animations reblogged peterparkoier 🔁

🔪carnivoreanimal Follow

saudades de meu esposo :(

🗡️peterparkoier Follow

TE AMO GATINHO 💖💖💖💖💖

🖋️parrot-animations Follow

it's important to me that you all know cellbit is kicking his feet and giggling and twirling his hair reading this over and over btw

#gay people real!!!! #this is the man y’all are afraid of??? he’s literally a cat in human form

parrot-animations reblogged ninjastarboy 🔁

🖋️parrot-animations Follow

BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS

🔪carnivoreanimal Follow

BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS

🦈foolishgaymers777 Follow

BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS

🪶baghzzzzzzzzzzz Follow

BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS

🛹carreraaa Follow

BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS

���puddle-of-slime Follow

BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS

🐦crowfather Follow

BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS

🌟ninjastarboy Follow

is this what having a stroke feels like

🖋parrot-animations Follow

STROKIN DEEZ BOLAS HA GOTTEM

#TEAM BOLAS 🔛🔝

industrial-revolution reblogged tinyakitten 🔁

🔎pacifist-detective Follow

i miss tina :((((

🌄tinyakitten Follow

I MISS YOU TOO WHERE ARE YOU I'M BRINGING YOU FOOD

🔎pacifist-detective Follow

YOU ARE THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE I'M AT GLOBAL 🥰🥰🥰

🌄tinyakitten Follow

I'M ON MY WAY RIGHT NOWWWWWWWWW

⚔️saintsofchaos Follow

Do you need an escort to get you there Tina?? 0_0

🌄tinyakitten Follow

GET A JOB!!!!! STAY AWAY FROM HER!!!!!!

⚔️saintsofchaos Follow

I'm just trying to be helpful -_-

🌄tinyakitten Follow

YOU'RE NOT KILLING HER ON MY WATCH

🛤️industrial-revolution Follow

wlw on mlm violence!!! hashtag love wins

industrial-revolution reblogged armedanarchist-deactivated8008135 🔁

🦾armedanarchist-deactivated8008135

this fucking sucks. they couldn't let me have my kid on the island, they couldn't let me have morning crew in purgatory. this is hell this is actual hell i can't even have pac because his team made him kill me. this fucking hurts fuck this gay earth

🛤️industrial-revolution Follow

king i hate to tell you this but you posted this on your main insted of your secret side vent blog that no one but me and phil have ever been able to find 👍 thuoght i should let yuo know

🦾armedanarchist-deactivated8008135

IF YOU NOTICED THEN WHY DID YOU FUCKING REBLOG IT INSTEAD OF MESSAGING ME

🛤️industrial-revolution Follow

WHY ARE YOU STILL REBLOGGING IT INSTEAD OF DELETING IT KING

⚠️pac-trigger-warning Follow

fit are you okay??? i'm sorry i was telling them not to kill you :( do you want to meet up and talk???

🦾armedanarchist-deactivated8008135

I'M DEACTIVATING

🛤️industrial-revolution Follow

IT'S SO JOEVER 💀