#LetshealSa

[conversationswithmybrothers]

Instead of shutting up your inner critical voice, you listen to it and figure out what part of you is saying that and why, and then you address the root causes of those fears and insecurities For example, say you have the thought “ugh I look disgusting today” and telling that voice to shut up might make it just fire back with “I’m repulsive, I’m worthless, I should die” and get progressively more extreme and negative You can then address that Part and ask “who taught you that?” or “what are you afraid will happen if you like your body? Did someone hurt you for your body? Do you think if you hurt yourself first they won’t have reason to hurt you? Maybe you trying to hurt yourself is actually you wanting to protect yourself from a greater harm from someone else. Maybe you just want to be safe. That’s okay, you deserve to feel safe. And I have other ways to feel safe now besides self harm, I’ve learned new things to do. Let’s do those.” Then you’ve made that part feel addressed so it settles down and let’s you take care of it instead of getting louder and more defensive and agitated. So the voice in your head will stop being cruel and find healthier ways to address its fears. And of course, this is really a strategy for you to confront the fears beneath your self hatred and accept and work through them instead of trying to suppress them with more anger and self hatred at having those fears in the first place.

 - Conversations With My Brothers

[conversationswithmybrothers]

Children need their emotional needs met just as much as their physical needs.

To ask a child to not have emotional needs is to ask a child to not be a child. It’s impossible. To ask a human to not be a human.

Emotional neglect and abuse is more than just “some mean words”...

It’s a lack of guidance. A lack of nurturing. A lack of reassurance. A lack of positive reinforcement. A lack of being seen. It stunts children’s growth. It damages their self esteem. It sets them up for abusive relationships outside the home. It’s setting them up for failure. To not nurture a child then expect them to just magically be a well adjusted adult when they turn 18 is ridiculous. To expect ourselves to go from a traumatic, unsafe childhood where we were not allowed to be children to a healthy adulthood without addressing our childhood is ridiculous. It was the beginning of our lives. It was our development, our acquaintance with the world. We were vulnerable and dependent on our caretakers. We were sponges. I feel like what I have to do now is wring out the sponge of my mind of all the toxic influence of my family. The farther I get from my childhood the more clarity I have of how not okay it was. I’m healing from trauma and discovering who I am now in a safe place.

#Healsouthafrica #LetshealSa #SouthAfricanBrothers