#Learning about local history in school? nah. Learning about local history so i can change the history to make it magical?

[mondglocke]

Writing Stories and Building Worlds is great, i'm currently building a Urban Fantasy Story and now im listening to documentaries about the history of german cities and how different famous buildings were built just so i can fantasy-fy them.

[thegreatestwaffle]

Trigger warnings:

Death, mild swearing, blood

Valentine's On The Beach

What's the most romantic thing you can think of? Is it a dinner date at a nice restaurant? Enjoying the sights in town? Perhaps it's a lovely evening at home, snuggle next to the one you cherish most. For me, it was walking on the beach during the sunset. Walking with someone you adore while the sunshine glistens down on the two of us. The calm waves and warm breeze leaving you relaxed and happy. No need to worry or panic as you're left with the feeling of romance as the two of you embrace each other. 

It was something I had dreamed of since I was a little girl. I didn’t need a prince charming to sweep me off my feet, or a queen to arrive at my door promising me a life of ease and beauty. All I wanted was to be with someone who would stand on the beach and watch the sunset with me.

After years and years of yearning, well, I finally got that magical moment on the beach. I was seventeen when it happened, I was young, hopeful, and full of these romantic ideas. It was February- if my memory serves me correctly, it was the seventh- of my Junior year, and my friends and I were hanging out at our local beach. It was a cool evening as we all lounged around making small talk. 

I had three close friends at the time; Jannet, Kevin, and Aaron. That evening, Jannet and I were each sitting on one side of Kevin as he played his guitar. As we waited for Arin to arrive, we relaxed and watched the sunset. I was daydreaming of being held by a faceless figure when I heard Aaron calling out to us. Kevin paused his playing as we all turned in Aaron's direction. My gaze was immediately drawn to the girl next to him. Her hair was long and wavy, a light brown color that swished with the breeze. Her skin was pale and creamy as it glistened in the sun. She wore a jean jacket over a white tank top with a black mini-skirt and leggings. My breath hitched as I took in her beauty. I continued to stare, not even realizing that they were standing in front of us. 

“Hey, guys! I planned to be here sooner, but I thought I'd bring a new friend along. This is Marissa, she just moved here.” 

Aaron gestures in the direction of Marissa who waves shyly. I was the first to greet her, awkwardly I might add. As we shook hands, we locked eyes for a moment before looking away quickly. I sat back down and invited her to sit next to me, which she accepted. The rest of the evening went on, all of us gathered around the campfire Jannet had started earlier. Night came and we all kicked back, listening to the soft crashing of the waves as Kevin lightly strummed his guitar. Jannet was the first to speak up.

“So, where you from?” Jannet inquired, resting her head on the palm of her hand. 

“Oh, um, I’m from a few states over, uh, Utah to be exact,” I noted how Marissa ducked her head slightly as she spoke.

“Jeez, that’s a hell of a ways from California. Speaking of which, how are you liking it down here so far? Settling in alright; got to see any sights yet?”

“Oh, I’m doing fine, thank you for asking. Um, I actually haven’t got to see much yet, but based on Arin and you all here, I can say that I definitely enjoy the people here.” We all chuckle lightly, and once again Marissa and I lock eyes for a moment.

We quickly look away, and I blush a bit this time. Arin begins to chime into the conversation, " Yea, actually, Marissa's my new neighbor. I saw her caring staff and I stopped by to help. We chatted for a bit and asked if she wanted to come to hang out with us at the beach."

"Well, we're glad to have you here. We're always excited to see new faces," Kevin said as he looked up from his guitar.

" Yeah, and I could show you the best spots on the beach to find shells or we’ve got this great spot where we go swimming. That's only if you like that stuff of course," I ramble and stutter, trying to hide my nervousness. I flushed slightly at the chuckle Marissa gives, but it soon turns into a blush as I realize she smiles softly at me.

"Yea, that sounds nice, thank you, " Marissa shyly looks at the ground as she speaks, a soft pink appearing on her pale cheeks.

We continue talking for a bit, but soon decide to retire home. Aaron offers to walk home with Marissa While Janet gets in Kevin's car so he can take her home. My day is fall as nurses every move as she stands up and prepares to leave. Erin and her both say goodbye to me, and Marissa gives me one more smile before she leaves. I was left standing alone on the beach as I wrapped my arms around myself. I closed my eyes and let the moonlight wash over me as I thought of Marissa and her beautiful days.

A few days go by and discover that Marissa has a lot of the same classes as me. On her first day at a high school, I showed her around the campus and invited her to sit next to me during our classes together. At lunch, she sat with me, Jannet Kevin, and Aaron. Since I didn't have any classes with my other friends, I spent my free class time with her. We grew close, of the sorts, I learned about some of her favorite things and found them to be the same as mine. Each day that passed, the more and more my feelings crew for her. And no time, I had invited her to my house, using the excuse that we could study for our history test the next day. 

That day, it was warm and sunny, as well, I was positively glowing as I rushed home. I expected her to arrive at 4, so I frantically began picking up my house. And the short amount of time between getting out of school and before her arrival, I'd cleared out all messes in the house. My parents are out of town on "Valentine's Vacation", so I have the house to myself. Just as I was fiddling with a vase full of fake roses, I heard a knock at my door and I quickly ran over to open it.

A white smile spread across my face as I greeted Marissa. She gave me a small but polite small smile as I welcomed her inside. I led her into my kitchen and turned to offer her a drink.

"You want anything? Soda, water, chips, whatever I can grab it for you," I try my best to keep my town casual as I leaned against the counter.

"Oh, no thank you. I appreciate the offer though!" Marshall spell case she pulled books out of her bag. She neatly laid out her laptop and notebook on the table as I grabbed a soda from the fridge. Sitting down next to her, I began pulling out my stuff for my bag. For a while, we do not work in silence, my day is occasionally glancing up to watch her. Finishing my homework and sitting there awkwardly, I worked up the courage to start a conversation.

"So the Valentine's Day dance is coming up this Saturday, you, uh, going with anyone?"

Marissa paused in her writing and looked up at me, "Oh, uh, yeah, well no, I mean, I am going, just not with anyone. I figured I might drop by and try to talk to people. I might just end up standing alone in a corner like I normally do, but hey the social interaction might be good for," she laughs nervously as she goes back to her homework.

"Well, you can come with me if you want," at this, her brown eyes light up as she looks at me in surprise.

" I mean, like, we can hang out together. With the others, I know Janet excited, and Kevin playing on a stage that night, though, I don't think Aaron will be there." 

"How come? Does he not like dances? I figured he would since he seems like a social butterfly."

At this, I sighed some, "Yeah, he is, it's just that he went through a pretty bad breakup. He and his ex work together for like what now," I throw my brow and concentration, "four or five years now."

Marissa set aside her homework, the concentration shifting to the story.

 "That's so sad, what happened? Is he doing okay?"

" It's been pretty rough, but I think you'll manage. He's a strong guy so I don't doubt he won't bounce back."

Watching Marissa Brown at this, I decide to change the subject.

"So, you got a dress yet? If not, we can go looking for one tomorrow."

Once again, she looked at me surprised, yet blush blushing as she did so.

"Oh, I really have one, but thank you! That's very kind of you."

" Yeah, no problem, anytime you need anything I'll be here,'' I replied awkwardly.

 "Well I guess it's time for me to go," she gives me a small smile as she stands up, "my parents might get worried."

"Thanks for coming over, this has been nice," I said as I get up and head to the door. In the living room, I open the door for her and as Marissa steps out she turns to me.

"Thanks for today, I'm really excited about the dance now. I really can't wait to see you there."

"Yea you too! I'll see you tomorrow," I cheerfully say as she leaves. As I closed the door, I could feel my face heat up. The rest of the evening was then spent picking out the "perfect dress and makeup" for the dance.

The rest of the week went by, both simultaneously feeling like the fastest and slowest week. Before I knew it, Saturday it arrived. I spent the day preparing for the dance. Hours and hours were spent making sure I looked nice. I wore a pine green formal dress that had a fleece skirt and gold flower pattern on the torso.

Despite never being any good with heels, I wore open-toed, platform heels that were the same color as the dress. My heels made me feel tall, my dress slender, and the dark green eyeshadow making my eyes light up. To say the least, I felt stunning and beautiful. 

The dance was to begin at six so about five-thirty I walked out of my house and got into my car. I drove to the flower shop in town and picked a bundle of tulips, Marissa's favorite flower. Then, I headed to the high school. A few of you people were already there as I arrived. I saw Kevin's van in the parking lot and figured the others were here already.

"Hey guys, need any help with anything?" I said whole climbing on stage.

"Nah we got it, thanks though- Oh! You look so pretty!" Jannet excitedly exclaims as she envelops me in a hug.

"You too! That purple looks awesome on you. Jay's gonna love it." Jay was Jannet's at the time and eventual husband.

"Aww, thanks," Jannet looked at my hands and gasped some, "Who’re the flowers for?"

My face heated some as I stumbled to explain myself. 

"Oh, well, Marissa said that she was coming tonight and didn't have anyone to come with so I thought she might like them."

Kevin looked up from his guitar, a smirk on his face as he spoke, "You're smitten with her aren't you?"

"No, well yes, but really no. You understand what I'm trying to say right?" I spluttered as I spoke.

"Oh yea I do," he said as he looked back down at his guitar, " you adore her."

We all laughed a bit, then I realized, 

"Hey, where's Aaron?"

"Oh, he said he refuses to come. To heartbroken, because tonight he planned to do something special with Erica," Jannet said exasperated as she looked around.

"What did he have planned?" Kevin asked, his eyebrow quirked up at Jannet.

"He said he was going to go take her to our swimming area and set up a "romantic dinner and swim" night or something. Now, he's going to sit at home on his ass and sulk."

"That sucks, I wish he was here so we could cheer him. I talked to him before I felt the house and he seemed happy about something. I asked what was up with him and he said he'd tell me later. So, I think he'll be good, if not a little heartbroken," Kevin gave me a reassuring smile as he spoke.

"Alright, if you say so," I smiled. The evening went on and more and more people arrived. We grabbed a table and ate finger foods as others danced around us. Jay had arrived so he and Jannet gushed over each other while I looked around for Marissa. Finally, she walked through the door, looking as stunning as ever. My breath hitched as I stared, her long, brown hair shimmered under the gym lights. Her red dress, which fit snugly around her, showed all her curves, and her bright red lipstick against her pale skin made her glow.

Jannet nudged me, causing me to turn away. She thrust the bundle of tulips into my hand and told me to go greet Marissa. Quickly, I got up and walked over to her as she peered around.

"Hey, glad to see you made it!" I said politely.

"Thanks, oh, where did you get those?" Marissa pointed at the tulips in my hands.

"Oh, um, there for you actually. I figured without having anyone be with you, you might want them. I mean everyone needs something for Valentine's Day," a blush crept into my face as I spoke l. Marissa stood there surprised for a moment.

"You remember, oh my god. Thank you," after saying this, she embraced me in a hug. 

One I took, and gave, with no hesitation. We lingered for a moment, my heart racing as the seconds went by. Parting, we laughed nervously and shyly looked away.

"Shall we go to our table?" I asked, finally looking back up.

Locking arms together, she looked at me, "Why of course, lead the way." 

At the table, I introduced her to Jay and Kaleb, Kevin's boyfriend, and we all sat around talking. After some time, they were ready for Kevin on the stage. Taking a deep breath, I turned to Marissa and asked,

"Do you wanna dance?"

She paused, a glass of coke lying on her lips. Jay and Jannet looked at us excitedly. Noticing them, Marissa snapped back to focus and turned to me, "Um, sure, I'd love to."

Taking her by the hand, I led her to the middle of the gym floor. Kevin began to play a cover of Joji's slow dancing in the dark. I slipped a hand around her waist, my other related gently on her shoulder. Her hands did the same, and as she did so a tingle danced up my spine.

Our eyes locked, as they did so much it seemed, and we danced. Slow movements and nervous shuffles as we made a slow turn in a circle. Our gazes never broke, and the longer we danced, the more I wanted her close to me. Those bright red lips on mine and my hands tangled in that soft, brown hair. I wanted to hold her and be held by her. I practically yearned for it with my pleading gaze until finally,

"Do you wanna get out of here? I'd love to talk to you, in private." My voice was heavy and low, my heart racing.

"Yes," her reply was soft, airy, and if I guessed right, excited. We walked to the table and grabbed our stuff, not even waiting to say good-bye. We quickly left the gym and headed to my car. She didn't question anything, just climbed in as I fumbled with my keys.

I pulled out of the school and began to Dr. My head was spinning with the thoughts of her and all the things I wanted to say. My Daydreams were interrupted when I heard Mercy speak, "Where are we headed?"

Her words were still soft and Airy, and as I looked at her, her gaze was glossy.

"Somewhere special, I think you'll like it," I replied as my heart began to race more. 

Headlights of other vehicles through light on us, reminding me each time of Marisa's brilliance. Finally, we arrived at the beach. She stared at me, puzzled but amused nonetheless. We got out, and hand in hand we walked.

The sky was clear, giving us a perfect view of the moon as its light shimmered down, illuminating us and the ocean. I looked over, and I felt my knees go weak a little. Marissa was practicality luminescent, a shining star all on her own.  We reached the middle of the beach before I turned to her.

"I wanna show you something, down by our swim area. There's a place where only I know," I held her hand lightly as I led the way. Past clusters of rocks and dense areas of trees, we made it to our "secluded beach". Only my friends, I and then Marissa knew of it. We stopped briefly to admire the place and its beauty before moving on. I approached a series of clustered rocks, more jagged than others, and took my heels off, setting them down, I began to climb. I turned around to find Marissa standing hesitant while she stared at the rocks.

"Don't worry, take your heels off and me. The path I'm taking is safe."

She did as I said without question, and began following my lead. Finally, we reached the top and found ourselves staring at a small beach surrounded by beautiful shrubbery. I helped Marissa as we climbed down, reaching the bottom with a huff. I led her to the middle of the beach and gazed up at the sky. Marissa looked at me, and I gazed back at me. 

Before I knew it, I had her in my arms; I think I was just as surprised as she was. I tried to apologize and pull away, but she held on, and so I held on. Together, we stared at the beautiful night sky. Yet, it felt like we were the only stars that mattered. For seventeen year old me, I felt as if I had leaked and found Nirvana. 

I held her tight, feeling a wave of joy because it was the closest I had gotten to my dream. Even though it was night, I could still feel light dancing all around us, illuminating and making us shine. Taking a deep breath, I began to spill all of my thoughts and feelings. 

"Marissa, I," pausing, I took a moment to gain my composer, "When I first saw you, I was stunned. You are magnificent, a dream to me. From the first moment we looked locked eyes, I was captivated. Your beauty, charm, everything you do amazes me. I know, it's only been a few days but something about you crossed me towards you. You're wonderful, everything that I could have asked for."

Looking back, it was stupid to conjure up so much for someone I'd only known for a week. I thought I knew her, so I guess that's why I continue to put on with my speech.

" I adore you, Marissa, all of you is wonderful. Your voice sets me at ease, your eyes Dazzle like light and guide me to you. When I see your soft pink lips, I want them on mine, and every time we're on this beach, I want to hold you near me. I like you, Marissa, a lot, and I want to spend each day holding you as the sun sets on the speech, I love you."

By the time I finished, my heart was pounding and my breathing was Heavy. I'm on my past, then a minute, and Dunn Canyon on without a word spoken from her. After a few minutes, I spoke up,

"Marissa, I'm sorry I said something wrong, but can you tell me if I did? Please, just say anything. I just need to know what you're thinking, please."

I finally turned to look at her, and I was startled to find her staring at me. Those beautiful eyes that were once so bright seemed so dull and empty. Shocked by the side, I began to pull away but was suddenly pulled toward her again. Before I had time to say anything, she slammed me to the ground. I could feel the wind being knocked out of me, and all at once, I was met with shock, confusion, and fear. 

Marissa's hands, which I had yearned for her to hold me with previously, or now wrapped tightly around my throat. Now, my heart was racing for a whole new reason. I struggled, squirming in the sand like an upturned crap. A pressure group in my head as streaks of light appeared in my vision. She sat on top of me, keeping my legs pinned. My arms though were free and in my panic, I had a moment of clarity. I punched her in the nose, the contact making a sick crunching noise. This startled her for a moment, causing her to lose her grip.

I took this moment to hit her square in the chest, causing a gasp to escape her throat as she let go of me. Shoving her off of me, I started to gasp and pant as oxygen flooded my lungs. More colors appeared as I got up. Stumbling, I got to my feet and in a rush of adrenaline and kicked at Marisa's head, hoping this would buy me time to getaway. At that moment, all romantic feelings had faded and were replaced with anger, fear, and an overwhelming sensation of despair. 

I took off, only taking a glance to make sure she wasn't following. In my rush I hadn't focused on where I was headed, my only thoughts being on escape. Releasing my mistakes, I stopped, I was in unfamiliar territory, a place, not even I had. I was on a deserted beach, and I was struck with terror, realizing that no one would know where I am. I stayed quiet, hoping to hear voices or cars, but it was to no avail. Instead, I was met with a new terror, Marissa calling my name.

Her voice was friendly and playful, it made my stomach twists and I thought I was going to puke. Looking around the area frantically, my eyes landed on some dense Shrubbery surrounded by rocks. I hurried over and climbed inside, finding to my horror, a stream of water and in it, pressed against some rocks, with Aaron's body. He floated there, only a few feet from me. I shoved my fingers in my mouth and bit down, trying to suppress my screaming in tears. I closed my eyes, but it was no use, I could – and still can to this day-  picture his glassy gaze and the deep gash that lied on his forehead. For the rest of my life, I will see that image every time I think of him I see those eyes like dead fish.

A sob escaped me, and I laid my head on my knees as reality hit me. Marissa was going to pick my friends and me off one by one that day, or at least kill me and flee. At that moment, I was furious, not just Marissa, but at myself. I should have never told her how vulnerable Aaron was after his breakup. It made sense now, it was a game of pretending for her. Faking feeling sorry for Aaron, getting his hopes up at the promise of love, and luring him out here to kill him, and then she was going to do the same to me.

I didn't have any longer to think about it before I was shoved to the ground again. Once again, Marissa climbed on top of me, this time a large Rock in one hand, the other against my chest. Her legs held my arms down, rendering them useless. I didn't want to die, I was afraid, afraid that I'd have the same glassy gaze as errands. The mental image of his body floating in the water was enough to give me the push to fight. Add Marissa's Armstrong down, I used all my might to jerk my body sideways; she lost balance and missed.

I took that moment to jump on top of her. This time, using all my weight to keep her hell down. Like prey becoming Predator, I have the upper hand. As much as I hate to admit it, it felt good, to take control, to have power over her. My legs pinned hers and one of my arms held her shoulders in place. I used my other hand to fight for dominance over the rock. As we struggled, our faces brushed against each other. That pale skin I once thought of as warm was cold like ice, fitting for a cold-hearted killer.

Finally, after several minutes of struggling, I got it. I have the jagged Rock firmly in my hand and turn back to Marissa. Our gazes locked once again, beautiful brown eyes that I once would have gladly drowned in appeared cold and dark. They reminded me of the depths of the ocean, crew and threatening to pull me under Into the Depths where light didn't shine. In my hesitation, Marissa said nothing in their face held no sympathy. She seemed bizarre, like an alien, for she had no emotion at all as she laid under me.

That's what drove me over the edge, her lack of remorse soon became mine. In one fluid motion, I smashed the rock against her right Temple. At that point, I could have dropped the rock and fled for help, but my Fury had a hold of me. Again and again, I smashed the rock against her skull. Hearing her wine and groan as her head crushed, chunks of bone hair and brain smeared on my face and hands, even the pool of blood that formed underneath us didn't satisfy me. Not until her face was unrecognizable and her body went stiff in the lamp, that a deep and cruel part of me was satisfied.

With deep and heavy breathing, I sat up, the rock tumbling from hand. Trembling, I climbed off of Marisa's body and laid in the sand, curling into a fetal position. I closed my eyes and laid there as I listened to the calm ocean waves and let the soft Moonlight cover me like a blanket. I believe it was an hour or so later before I got back up, I don't remember, what I do remember, was the exhaustion I felt. My mind wasn't on as I followed my previous tracks in the sand. It's a blur, really, and unfortunately, I don't remember all the details of my way back. However, I do remember some things in a general sense.

After getting off the beach, I got into my car and drove back to the school. There, Janet and Kevin had been looking for Marissa and me because they believed Aaron to have gone missing. As they approached me, their faces were flooded with terror and someone let out a scream. The next thing I knew, I was in an ambulance and being taken to the hospital. There, I told the cops all that had happened, though at that point all of it felt like a dream. So much so that it took me three days to tell my story, this was due to the hysterical laughing and or crying I faced each time I spoke.

On the fourth day, an officer arrived and sat down next to my bed. I looked at him puzzlingly because I told him everything already.

" I'm detective Smith, there's something I want to talk to you about. During our investigation, we learned some disturbing details about Melissa," he paused for a moment, giving me time to speak, I said nothing and waited for him to finish. Realizing this he continued,

" when going through her home, we discovered she lived alone. Everything seemed normal until we reached the basement where we found a substantial amount of evidence that incriminated her in several murders across the country."

At this, my eyes widened, but I did not speak.

" in several different states, murders appeared each with one thing in common, all bodies were found floating in a body of water. We call these the Adam's Ale Serial Killings, and you appear to be the only survivor."

"How do you know," my voice was hoarse as I spoke.

"We found a series of documents detailing each crime, the victim, and method of the murder." 

At this, I turned away from him and stared at the ceiling. It was heartbreaking to know I was right deep down. I tried to justify Melissa's actions as a mental break or someone forced her to do this, but deep down I knew she was just a monster.

"Also," I glanced at the officer as he spoke, " all charges against you have been dropped since the discover of Marissa being a murder and you were acting in self-defense."

I shrugged his comment off, not caring if I went to prison, and continued to stare at the ceiling. At some point, he left and a nurse arrived to tell me my friends had come to pick me up. I changed into the clothes Janet had brought me the first night that I was there and gathered my belongings. As they drove me home, Janet and Kevin attempted to make small talk with me, which fell flat on my part. As we drove by the beach, I couldn't help but stare in wonder.

That evening, I got into my car and drove to the beach. No one was there, most likely due to it becoming a crime scene. I came upon the cluster of jagged rocks and began to climb. Without thought, I made my way to the secluded beach. I stood there, unconsciously wrapping my arms around myself, watching the sun dance across the water as it set. I thought about everything that had happened thus far and wondered what would happen after.

Soon, night approached and I stared at the Moon as it hung low in full. Eventually, I let go myself and headed back to my car. As I drove away, I didn't look back at the beach, in fact, I never went back. Something changed in me that night, I didn't feel broken or in pieces like most. Instead, I felt something shipped in my subconscious, telling me that I'd be all right.

That night, as I laid in my bed and drifted off to sleep, I was at peace. Despite everything, I knew I would be all right, and that I would move forward each day. As I slept that night, I did not hear Marisa's soft voice or see her bright brown eyes in my dreams. Instead, my dreams bore nothingness as the moonlight glistened down on my figure, promising not just the next day, but for me as well, a new tomorrow.

[memesnotwelcome]

Digging Deeper

Tagged by @lollobendix , just what I needed to pass the time :)

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen?

Blue.  I learned getting my M.S. that alternating between certain colors creates more distinct impressions for retaining information.

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city?

Countryside.  If you spend time learning environmental science, you eventually learn local history and what sticks around in the urbanized air/soil.

3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be?

ASL, it’s what I’m learning now.  Spelling is fuggin hard.

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar?

Nah.  Usually honey with tea or a mocha creamer in coffee.

5. What was your favourite book as a child?

Didn’t have favorite books as a kid because the stuff I was forced to read for school just left me mentally exhausted all the time.  Finding books and preferred genres was an acquired adult taste.

6. Do you prefer baths or showers?

Showers, but I never really had a comfortable bath before since tubs have always been too small.  New England housing was designed 50-200 years ago for people that were 5′ ft. tall

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would it be?

Rakshasa

8. Paper or electronic books?

Paper.  Book smell.

9. What is your favourite item of clothing?

A gray hoodie I got for 80% off that has so many internal layers that I could stay warm in an Alaskan blizzard.

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it?

I am completely indifferent to my name.

11. Who is a mentor to you?

Nobody.

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for?

No.

13. Are you a restless sleeper?

Yep.  Sleep 3 hours, stretch, sleep 2 hours, stretch, sleep 1 hour, stretch.

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic person?

Relationships never lasted that long to become one.

15. Which element best represents you?

Tungsten.

16. Who do you want to be closer to?

No one.  Everyone is appropriately distanced.

17. Do you miss someone at the moment?

Nope.

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory.

Realizing I hated Macaroni & Cheese after being told, repeatedly, how much I “liked” it.  

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten?

If I’ve decided to it eat it, it’s not strange.

20. What are you most thankful for?

A functioning thyroid.

21. Do you like spicy food?

The spicy “sensation” is nice, but s[icy foods can still taste like shit.

22. Have you ever met someone famous?

Nope.

23. Do you keep a diary or journal?

Nah.

24. Do you prefer to use a pen or a pencil?  

Pencil.  Ink that seeps through paper is infuriating.

25. What is your star sign?

Libra

26. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy?

Crunchy.  I will still eat it dry sometimes.

27. What would you want your legacy to be?

A forest.

28. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read?

Yes.  The Fifth Risk.

29. How do you show someone you love them?

I make them food.

30. Do you like ice in your drinks?

Ice chewer more than adding it to drinks.

31. What are you afraid of?

Mind Blank during public speaking.

32. What is your favourite scent?

Black Cherry or ocean spray soaked wood.

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname?

Surname.

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life?

Probably doing Habitat for Humanity, Jimmy Carter style, indefinitely.

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean?

Depends.  I’m not in the Polar Bear Club but public pools are a hassle of preparation.

36. What would you do if you found £50 on the ground?

Look around and see if it belonged to someone.

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star?

Nope, light pollution.

38. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children?

A sense of mental & emotional scale.

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it?

Xcom tattoo.  Always had cool designs.

40. What can you hear now?

Snow plows and a humidifier.

41. Where do you feel the safest?

Just at home, I guess,

42. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer?

Apathy.

43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be?

I’m good.  I like our tech and regulatory standards.  No death by malaria or diarrhea for me, thank you.

44. What is your most used emoji?

😑

45. Describe yourself using one word.

Skeptical.

46. What do you regret the most?

Nothing that immediately comes to mind.

47. Last movie you saw?

Rogue One.

48. Last tv show you watched?

The Watch.

49. Invent a word and it’s meaning

Cavilmonger: person who deals solely in petty gripes and/or welcomes grievance for the opportunity to complain to someone else about it.

Tagging: @wankydoo @doorknobsforsale @a-cosmicmess @chibiwolf999 @losslass @justsomeartgeek @macabremusings @holleighann @galactits @roberto-luongone @orionscalling @whatevski @jabberjawsross @kookylittlefatgirl @felisarunswithscissors @witch-of-the-west-country @sexylibrarian93 @splashmouse 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #396

“every time i leave, you say you won’t be there, & you’re always there”

So, is it gif with a hard G or soft G? I used to say "jif," but now I pronounce it as "gif." If you use libraries, what is the largest overdue fine you’ve ever had? *shrug* Do you ever borrow things other than books from the library? I remember back in the day, they used to offer educational computer games, and I bought a dinosaur one as a kid that I was madly obsessed with. Are there still any movie rental places left where you live? Just Redbox things outside of some stores. Do you ever buy secondhand books (or DVDs, video games, CDs)? Yeah; Ebay is my friend. Or do you prefer them to be brand new? I mean yeah, but it's not a massive deal to me so long the thing is operational or not falling apart. Do you ever write fanfic? Of what? Nah. Do you ever READ fanfic? Of what? Also nah. Do you have a favorite classical composer? No. Have you ever had multicolored/rainbow hair? No, but I would LOVE to. What kind of hats, if any, do you like to wear? I don't wear hats. What is your #1 deal-breaker with friendships? If you're manipulative, byyyyyeeeee~ Who is your favorite character on Bob’s Burgers and why? (If you watch it) I've seen some episodes, but I don't actually watch it. Have you ever had a retro celebrity crush? Like a crush on an “old” celebrity who was most famous a long time ago or is long dead? Audrey Hepburn, for one, is drop-dead GORGEOUS. When you buy/receive new clothes, do you instantly wear them or wash first? It depends on what I bought and where it's from. What’s the weirdest item you’ve seen for sale on Ebay? Idk. Are parents to blame for what their kids do on the Internet? No; kids make their own choices. I do, however, believe the parents should monitor what they do until they reach a certain degree of maturity, as well as the child's history with what they've done on the Internet. Do you use acronyms to remember things? Sometimes. Do you take pills like Tylenol for the littlest aches and pains? No. Only if I'm really in pain will I take Ibuprofen/Advil. Don’t you think Crocs are ugly? Big time. I don't know why they're in vogue now when they used to be so widely hated. When was the last time you went roller skating? Oh, it's been years. Who was your favorite Ninja Turtle? I was never into the franchise. Horror flicks make you: laugh, scream, or squirm? I prefer the ones that make you uneasy. I'm not a big fan of the nasty ones, and I want to feel on edge when I'm watching a horror film, but it's EXTREMELY rare I become legitimately scared. If you could become a doctor, what would you specialize in? Uhhhh. Maybe genetic disorders. What’s the cutest thing a little kid has ever said to/in front of you? I'm sure it was something my niece or nephew said, but I'm unsure of what. They've said many adorable things. Did any characters from TV shows scare you as a kid? Which one(s)? FUCKING KING RAMSES FROM COURAGE THE COWARDLY DOG. FUCK he gave me nightmares. What’s the saddest thing you’ve heard on the news recently? I was very saddened to hear about the giraffe that died giving birth. Do you believe that acupuncture works? I'm not educated enough on this subject. Have you ever been hypnotized? No, and I don't believe it's possible to be. What’s the first food you can smell when you enter the mall? The soft pretzels, omg. That little stand is my favorite part of our local mall. They make DELICIOUS pretzels. What is the worst hurt you’ve ever experienced? Jason leaving. Are huge muscles gross or sexy? Like serious body builders, it's gross to me. I prefer a natural musculature. Have you ever fished and caught something weird? I know I have, but what isn't coming to mind. Do you use an umbrella when it rains? Unless it is absolutely pouring, no. Do you like getting caught in the rain? No. What is the hardest part of cleaning for you? It requires physical exertion and I am INCREDIBLY weak with non-existent stamina. Do you have any fake flowers in your room? No. Do you own any succulents? No. What is your favorite thing about spring? The only thing I like about spring are all the flowers. What is something you find hard to draw? HANDS. UGH. Was it sunny for your senior prom pictures? Sigh. It was a beautiful sunset. I REALLY wish I didn't delete all those pictures from existence. Have you ever seen a double rainbow? I've seen like, a triple rainbow. What’s one thing you want to learn how to make? Your ordinary meals. I really want to be able to cook my own food from scratch. Do you have stomach issues? Maybe TMI, but it's been questioned but not fully examined that I may have IBS. My stomach is very sensitive. When was the last time you apologized and didn’t mean it? I'm not sure. Do you prefer to be the “talker” or the “listener” in a conversation? The listener. What’s a movie that you think everyone should see? Johnny Got His Gun. If you could have any hair color, what color would you want? Either pastel pink or light creamsicle orange. When was the last time you saw your “first love”? February of 2017. Who’s the smartest person you know personally? My best guy friend Girt. What makes them so smart? He's just very intelligent. Book-smart. Are there any bands/artists that get you all emotional? Ozzy. He and his music are so important to me. What’s your favourite aunt or uncle’s first name? Robert. Have you ever done a first aid course? No. What time do you generally wake up in the morning? It varies from like, 6:00-8:30ish. If you could have one superpower, what would it be? Definitely shapeshifting. I'd love to be a druid, man. Do you ever make surveys? If so, are they long or short? No, but I combine them because I don't like surveys that are too short by my standards. When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? Honestly, probably never. I love my current hairstyle, but I most certainly plan on dyeing it maaaany more times. As a child, what was your favorite game to play? I was hooked on the first three Spyro games. I would play 'em over and over. Do any of your siblings have significant others? Do you like them? My older sister is married, and I am NOT a fan of her husband. He's WAY too conservative and bigoted and racist and misogynistic, etc. etc. He's wonderful as a dad, like holy shit he loves his kids, but his beliefs are abhorrent. Dad's daughter is also married, and her husband is awesome. Mom's eldest daughter is also married, and her husband seems cool. My brother has a fiancee that I've never met. Do you believe in the concept of global warming? No fucking shit I do. It's impossible to logically deny, especially as the years go on. When was the last time you took a picture of something? Was it yourself? I took some pictures of this beautiful hydrangea bush outside the TMS office a few days ago. When drinking soda, do you prefer bottles or cans or poured in a glass? Cans, because it stays colder. Do you wear deodorant? Um, yes? If you had a pet pig, what would you name it? Probably something very unoriginal, like Wilbur. Do you like Led Zeppelin? I LOVE "Kashmir." "Stairway to Heaven" was madly important to me, but yeah... I can't listen to it anymore. Like seriously, I haven't in years. Do you like hugs? I do. Have you read the Constitution of the United States of America? Only the Bill of Rights for school. Do you have your own computer or use a family one? I have my own laptop. Do you take out the trash? Sometimes. Is there a calendar in the room you’re in? Outdated meerkat ones. What is your best friend’s name? Sara Jane. :') Have you ever seen a real-life cop chase? Maybe? What is your favorite shape? Circles. Are pigs adorable or dirty? They're precious! And pigs are actually a lot cleaner than people think, if they're not muddy. Anything moldy in your house? Not to my knowledge. Our old house had a serious mold problem, though, which is the primary reason we had to move. Especially with Mom having cancer at the time, she needed to be in the most sterile environment possible. Have you ever been in an earthquake? No. Do you enjoy history? No. Are you watching TV right now? No, but rather GameGrumps on YT. Could you ever be a mortician? True shit, it actually doesn't seem THAT bad. Can you solve a Rubik’s cube? Never seriously tried. How many pets do you have? Just two right now. Are you more close with your mom or dad? My mom. Who is the person that has impacted your life the most? Jason. Or Mom. Have you ever had a pet fish? Yeah. Poor things, they had terrible husbandry. I've learned a hell of a lot from a YouTuber/streamer that is like obsessed with fish about just how misinformed people are on how to take care of various fish. Your goldfish in that little bowl died for a reason, you know. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes. Do you prefer tea or coffee? Both suck. Have you ever vaped? No. How did your parents meet? They were co-workers. What was your first word? "Dada." Have you ever had a kinky dream about a celebrity? ... I mighta lmao. When was the last time you had Nutella? A long time ago. It reeeeaaaally needs to stay out of my house, because I will eat it straight out of the jar. Name someone with a sexy sounding voice. So I don't know where this was, but Mark was once credited in something as "if chocolate had a voice" and I was like YOU FUCKIN BET YOUR SWEET ASS.

[purplesurveys]

1006

(found at xxbieberburnham)

“The rest of your life”

Are you independent or dependent? Dependent as all hell. I’ll put my foot down on very certain things, but most of the time I prefer hearing input or suggestions from people I trust. I definitely think it’s something I still have to work on because I know I’ll have to be mostly independent at some point.

If you could put your life into a category, where would it go? I feel like this would be easier to answer if you gave a list of categories. I don’t know what kind of insight you’re looking for.

How many animals do you have? I have two, but I call them pets.

Are you popular? Idk and I don’t care. All I know is I don’t actively seek to be so.

What time were you born? 9:11 in the evening.

Have you had any candy this week? Yeah, I had a gummy worm this morning. Mom bought a box of Halloween-themed sweets and there were cupcakes had gummy worms on them alongside marshmallows designed to look like a tombstone.

Are you more afraid of tornadoes or hurricanes? Hurricanes are terrifying, but I’m used to them. We don’t get tornadoes at all so I’ll not only be unprepared for those, but would definitely be more afraid of them too.

Do you like those nerd glasses? Sure, I still think they’re cute and look good on people but I never called them nerd glasses lol. Mine are kinda shaped like one.

Have you ever been in a fist fight? Nah, I’d be wiped out pretty fast.

What color is your house? A light shade of beige.

When was the last time you saw a rainbow? More than a year ago, I’m sure. It was during our ride back home from a journalism workshop, which if I remember correctly was all the way in Cavite. Goddamn we traveled a lot for those workshops.

Have you ever ate a crayon? I’ve never bitten off a piece but I’m not ruling out at least licking.

Ever rode in a helicopter? Nope. Would love to.

Do you like rabbits? Sure.

Do you like mushrooms? For the most part I don’t even think they taste like anything, so I never really had a problem with mushrooms.

“It’s like you step into the room and just press play”

What was the last movie you cried at? That Thing Called Tadhana. I had watched it five years ago after my first breakup; I got to go to Sagada shortly after that breakup, so that movie was actually very therapeutic for me at the time because it allowed me to release my feelings the way Mace did, also in Sagada. Now I’m stuck at home and can’t travel and that movie just hurt too much to finish.

What ice cream flavor best describes your personality? I don’t really...pair ice cream flavors with types of personalities.

Would you rather work for a small or large company? Large, because I feel like I’d be challenged more in those and thus learn more. Also it just looks nicer on resumés, if I’m being honest. Smaller companies are ok too but I prefer those that already have a rep for churning excellent results and having a good track record for workplace culture, like the company I’m currently working with.

Where's your favorite place to buy clothes? Ukays. I used to not like them, but my mom and sister did a great job reeling me in and making me see the appeal.

How many languages do you speak? Two.

What was the worst movie you've ever seen? Me Before You was such a waste of my time. Predictable, cheesy, and typical asshole-guy-softens-up-over-time-oh-and-just-as-you-start-to-root-for-him-we’re-gonna-kill-him-off. But idk, I was with friends who were into movies like those and I wanted to support them, so I went along to watch.

What video game have you played the most? Cumulatively, pretty sure it’s Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.

What was your favorite TV show as a child? I was a Nickelodeon girl and Spongebob, Fairly OddParents, and My Life as a Teenage Robot were my top 3, with Jimmy Neutron closely trailing at #4. I loved Disney shows too but wasn’t really able to appreciate them as much until I got a little older and could understand their humor better.

What's your favorite sport? My answer won’t change - if it counts, pro wrestling. If it doesn’t, my next favorite is table tennis.

If you were given a brand new yacht, what would you name it? Nothing creative is coming to me at the moment.

Do you believe there’s life on other planets? Yes. Maybe not the ones in our solar system, but those out in the distant universe for sure.

What was the worst place you ever traveled to? Can’t say I’ve truly disliked a particular place we’ve been to. I will say that Chinese people have a...culture that I’m not used to, and I did not enjoy touring with a bunch of them during my cruise. They had buffet habits that I would consider unhygienic, they would sit at the same table my mom and I were eating at if there were available seats(??????? imagine if I just sat beside you at a diner while you’re having lunch?), and apparently it’s acceptable for them to actually look you in the eyes and point directly at you if they’re talking about you with other people. It was honestly a lot to put up with for six days, and the only reason I didn’t lose my temper was because my dad works in the ship and I didn’t want to cause him any trouble.

What is one thing you’re really bad at? Making art.

Do you believe in angels? No. I like referring to my grandpa as my guardian angel, but I don’t actually believe in angels.

Would you rather be a famous actor or musician? I know I’m awful at either, but I’d much rather act.

“where have you been all my life?”

If you could have invented one thing, what would it have been? It’d be cool to come up with something that ends up being widely popular and/or beneficial to society, but do it accidentally; like how popsicles came to be. Imagine building a legacy from your own oopsie lmao sounds like a pretty good deal to me.

What's your favorite exercise workout? I don’t do workouts.

What's your favorite thing to do? Wow, very straightforward. Hmm these days I’m slowly inching back to wrestling, so I’ve been watching compilations and documentaries and doing some catching-up here and there. Lately I’d say that’s my favorite thing to do, but that can always change.

What did you do for your 17th birthday? Gab and I went to Pinto and she brought me to Filio after. Then I got back home to see what Athenna had done to my room while I was out, which was to cover the floor with balloons and the walls with printed photos of Zayn Malik.

Does your local Wal Mart have benches in them to rest? First, we’ll need to have local Wal-Mart stores here.

Was your favorite stuffed animal really a teddy bear growing up? I never liked stuffed animals, so I didn’t even have a teddy bear.

If your house was haunted, what would you do? Not fuck with the ghosts/spirits.

Are you crazy in love currently? Not crazily, but in love.

Are you good at swimming? I can tread and do several strokes, but I also tend to panic so I think that eliminates the concept of me being a good swimmer.

What's worse: Slow internet or slow walkers? Slow internet. I can get around slow walkers; but unless I have mobile data, slow internet is out of my control for the most part.

What is the rudest thing a guy has ever done to you? I can’t pick between whistling at me, catcalling me, lunging at me, or flirtatiously harass me in front of his friends while I was minding my goddamn business carrying a goddamn box of cake at the mall. Yeah, not a very big fan of men.

Do you sleep with the sheets tucked in or out? Out.

What do you do to fall asleep faster? Put on a YouTube video and let autoplay take over.

Do you carry a bottle of water wherever you go? Yeah I used to, until I lost it.

Ae you afraid that one day you might get cancer? The fear of the possibility is there, but it’s not predominantly in our family history and so I’m more afraid of other issues I have a higher chance of getting, like high blood pressure.

“Letters to Juliet”

Are you a fast or slow walker? Fast if I’m running errands, slow-ish if I’m out for leisure.

Do you usually have to wear a belt with your pants? No.

Does it bother you when people's underwear hangs out? Kinda. Even more when their crack decides to show up too.

Are you usually the person to try new things with your hair? No, I am one of the last people in line when it comes to that.

When's your birthday? April 21st.

Do you own a bobble-head toy? Nopes.

What color was the towel you used to dry off with today after a shower? Turquoise.

Has anyone ever walked you home? I’ve had someone drive me home. Walking isn’t really applicable here.

Have you ever liked someone and they were taken? That’s never happened to me.

When was the last time you went fishing? In my past life, maybe.

True or false: You've read the book Lord of the Flies? False.

Have you heard of the band Yellowcard? Yes.

Have you ever seen the show Teen Wolf? I’ve seen an episode and oh my god it was so boring.

Do you have any quotes, lyrics etc on your walls? I used to until my mom took it down while I was in school. I made it myself, so it stung.

Are you a fan of Star Wars? No.

“Our parents never let us cross the street, but we did it anyway”

Has anyone ever told you that you have nice hair? Whenever it was actually nice, yeah. It was never my best feature though.

What brand of camera do you own? I have...an iPhone, if it counts, ha. My old DSLR was a Nikon.

Is there something you're not looking forward to? The next day. Having to go through rounds of anxiety is not enjoyable.

Have you ever read the book Thirteen Reasons Why? Have not read the book nor seen the show, but have read enough of the premise to know I am not a fan.

Do you wear white pants? Sure, I have a pair of white jeans that I absolutely love.

When was the last time you were really angry? Yesterday. My sister and I were ordering KFC from a food delivery app and no driver was taking it because drivers in that company are notoriously picky bitches about their destinations. They kept canceling our orders and at some point I had enough and proposed that we just get Pizza Hut, this time straight from the Pizza Hut website, which has always worked out for us before. So Pizza Hut confirms the order, calls me up and says the ETA, so far so good. Around 15 minutes later the doorbell rings and it’s...KFC? With our original orders? Apparently that stupid ass app took our order anyway after repeatedly canceling it, and I never got one fucking notification that our order was received. Tried to cancel Pizza Hut but they said they had already started making the pizzas, so in the end we had to pay for both meals. I had never been so angry.

Have you ever made a 3 pointer in a basketball game? Hah, of course not. I’ve barely made one of those free throws that are worth one point.

Do you think you look better with your hair up or down? I’ve gotten more compliments whenever it’s up, so that must look better on me even if I personally don’t necessarily agree.

Do you warm up before you hardcore exercise? I don’t exercise, but isn’t warming up recommended anyway?

Do you want a pair of Converse shoes? Not really; I suppose they’re alright. It’s not my favorite brand in the world, but I wouldn’t turn down a free pair either.

Are you more of a studs or hoops type of person when it comes to earrings? Hoooooooooops for days.

How many shirts do you have of your favorite band? Just one. I’m not a band shirt person.

Turn on the TV. What channel are you on? There’s no TV in this room.

Have you ever wore a tie before? Yeah, as a kid my mom sometimes made me wear neckties. They made me SO uncomfortable I was having internal breakdowns about being seen in public. I was 7 years old. Neckties to me were a boy thing and I felt 0% boy; and so it gave me such serious dysphoria. It’s like making a boy wear a pink tutu even if he’s already visibly distressed. Whenever I told my mom I felt uncomfortable, she would just tell me it “looks good.” Jesus Christ. Why did no one ever drag my mom to a parenting seminar? Did no one seriously see the signs???

What did you have for breakfast this morning? Garlic rice, bacon strips, and glazed ham.

“For the Krusty Krab”

Are you good at art? Of course not.

How many times have you read your favorite book? I don’t have one.

Name one thing that you really hate. Raisins, on their own and incorporated in a dish.

Have you ever tried walking on stilts? I haven’t.

Is there a war that you find interesting? Eh, not really. So many of historical accounts are bombarded with war narratives as it is, and I’ve just never really found disputes or tensions among countries to be the most interesting part about history. Plus women were mostly absent, and that makes it even more boring.

Would you rather live in the city or country? City.

Do you think $7 is too much for a movie ticket? Not always. $7 or ₱350 is actually pretty reasonable if you wanna see a movie at an upscale mall; people who watch movies in places like that shouldn’t be complaining about movie tickets that cost that much. But all movie theaters are the same anyway - pitch black, freezing, comfy chairs - so I just go to midscale malls where tickets would be like a hundred bucks cheaper since it’s gonna give me the same experience anyway.

Would you like to be a newscast person? For a long time I thought I wanted to be one because that’s what my entire family was rooting me to become. Eventually I realized reading from a teleprompter, interviewing guests, and asking questions to reporters is not a career I want.

Do you like word searches, coloring or crosswords better? Word searches, then coloring, then crosswords.

Close your eyes and press a random key on the keyboard. U.

How many William’s do you know? I don’t think I know anyone. It’s too foreign-sounding a name.

What time did you wake up this morning? I woke up at around 6 AM, but I fell back asleep immediately and woke up again around 30 minutes later.

Do you enjoy crutches? ...No? That seems a little insensitive for people who actually need them.

What's better: Snapple or Arizona tea? Arizona. It’s because I’ve never had the Snapple one, but tbh Arizona is already pretty delicious anyway.

Make a word out of the word: Dinosaur. Round.

“she said I love this song, I’ve heard it before”

When you were younger, did you play with legos? Yes. I was never a creative kid, but I liked playing with them anyway.

Do you like Trix cereal? It was only my absolute favorite cereal as a kid, no biggie.

Do you get nervous easily? Ugh, yes. My parents asked me to get water containers from our local water station last Saturday and I literally had to allot like two hours to brace myself and make a script in my head. I constantly rehearse shit nearly every time I have to go out of the house.

How long is your Facebook password? I’m not sharing that.

Do you like the movie Mean Girls? No, I didn’t find it funny the first time and that made me uninterested in giving it a second chance.

How do you want your wedding to be? Big, grand. Lots of friends, lots of food. Not Catholic/Christian.

Have you seen the movie or show Catfish? Nope.

Do you hate it when you arrive to something early? Not usually. Being early is my goal in most situations, unless I’m headed to like a party.

Have you ever been on Omegle? A few times as a teenager.

Are you still in love with one of your exes? Yes. It’s not going away for a while.

Do you think it's attractive when guys wear beanies? I don’t necessarily seek out men with beanies lol but I don’t think it looks bad on them either.

What's something that makes you feel shy in public? Unfamiliar situations.

Do you like the shows on MTV? No.

If you could go back and relive one day, what day? That last Friday I was in school before the lockdown happened. If I knew what the next eight months were going to look like, I would’ve stayed much longer in school, dragged my friends out to drink, blew my money on food, had more fun basically.

What's one word you hate to be called? Exhausting. Like being told I’m exhausting to be with. How does that not hurt?

[connorspiracy]

Roasted and Ghosted || Connor & Rio

Timing: Current Location: Abandoned shack in the woods Description: Connor and Rio go ghost bustin’. Warnings: Ghosties

Orion hadn’t exactly decided what he was doing here. On one hand, his goal had partially been to determine whether this guy was for real or just try to use ghost hunting for fame or that thing other kids were saying these days…. Clout. But on the other hand, Rio had always been intrigued by those ghost hunting shows. Though he had never had the courage to watch them by himself at night or anything, trying to determine which ones may be legit or which ones were obviously fake had been a type of research for him. Ghosts and spirits were not Rio’s main focus or even a big concern of his, so he considered this little outing more of a hobby or something. 

He spotted Connor coming from afar, recognizing his face from the videos Rio had been binging ever since the two had made plans. The place Rio picked was one of the lesser known ones around town. Places like the Misery Manor and Strawford park that regularly did scary shows and ghost tours would have been too baiting. Just outside of town, Rio stood many, many feet away from a large abandoned house that Rio had heard horror stories about growing up. Kids in school growing up regularly dared other students to hang out around the abandoned property, and sometimes Rio would hear the kids in his college classes brag about hopping the fences and trying to break into the house. This wasn’t Rio’s thing at all. In fact, a few months ago Rio would have gotten a good laugh out of the idea that he had just asked this semi popular and objectively very pretty youtuber to go to a haunted location together. His friend gang really had helped Rio come a long way. 

Rio jumped up and down and waved at the guy as he lugged his equipment toward him. “Hey! You’re Connor! You look just like you do in your videos. Which makes sense. Because you’re you!” Maybe he was getting a little too excited about the idea of meeting a mini celebrity. “I’m Rio, nice to meet you in person. Do you need help carrying anything?”

It wasn't an unusual occurrence for Connor to meet up with people in the towns he visited, to be given tours, to have guides or people interested in contributing to his work. Rio hadn't been unique in the least, but that didn't mean Connor wasn't intrigued by him. Rio had offered to show him some cool places, and if there was anything Connor had learned over the last few years, it was that you couldn't overestimate the value of a local. 

He really hadn't had the chance to settle into White Crest before Uncle Joe had gone full-on polter on his dad and Connor had needed to go home to London. He was intrigued by whatever Rio was going to show him. Based on what he'd said in their DMs, it wasn't somewhere you'd find out about on the town map. 

"Alright, mate," Connor greeted, shaking Rio's hand. "Nice to meet you too." He handed Rio one of his cameras at his offer. "If you want to offer a hand, I might need some additional handheld shots, but I want to get some establishing stuff first. What's this place you wanted to show me?"

Orion grabbed onto the camera that Connor offered and fiddled with it for a minute, “Sure! I don’t have much experience with the stuff but I’m happy to help where I can.” He had watched a number of videos to get prepared, but it wasn’t until he started thinking about being with the Youtuber while he filmed that Rio realized just how much work must be put into each video. The number of cuts and changes in a video must have required multiple different shots and camera angles and takes. And that was just the groundwork filming at the location before going home to have to edit everything together. Rio was only getting a peek into the first portion of what went into making one of these videos. That didn’t make it any less fascinating.

“Yeah, definitely.” Rio waved his arms at the house behind him and began wracking his brain for the myriad of stories he had heard about the place. “Well, it’s a bit of a wild ride. This place has been abandoned since I was a little kid. And people have been talking about it for just as long.” Rio could barely remember the first story that he heard about the place because they seemed to blend together. “The general consensus is that a family died inside. But the rest of the story gets murky. Some people talk about seeing a woman in black and some say that they hear like little kids crying from one of the rooms. The stories aren’t all exactly consistent. I’ve never been brave enough to come here by myself to see if there’s any truth to it.” Rio laughed nervously and scratched at his neck, “But I figured if anyone knows what they’re doing I guess it would probably be someone who made a career out of it, right?” 

At least this way Rio could hopefully get a good read on whether or not this guy was legit. Rio already knew how he was leaning. He had used words like medium and exorcist. Not exactly unknown words outside of people in the supernatural know, but it had still made Rio curious. If this guy was legit, at least Rio would know an exorcist. Having connections was always good. “When you say establishing stuff do you mean like, filming the outside of the property? Or are you going to record yourself talking about the place?”

"Just keep it steady and keep me in frame unless you're filming something else specific. Pretty much the basics," Connor said. Maybe if Rio was really interested in this stuff and he was any good, Connor would be able to have an actual camera-person again. "You ever done something like this before?" he asked, curious as to what had made Rio decide to take up this opportunity. 

He listened as Rio spoke to him about the abandoned shack. The wood and brick was old and beginning to crumble. He could see rot and damage, evidence of weathering and bug activity. "Oh, sick," he said, probably a little insensitively as Rio explained the history of the place. "It's not uncommon for places to have their own local lore, rumors and stuff that start up. One thing we can do is check local records to see if there's anything officially on file." 

He looked towards Rio with a smile. "Good question. The answer is both. But since you're the one who told me about the place, you can do the introduction, if you want."

Orion flipped the camera on and started spinning with it, trying to get a feel for it, “Got it!” He hoped he wasn’t completely awful with it, that last thing he wanted was to screw up any of Connor’s takes. “Uh, depends on what you mean I guess. I don’t know much about ghosts or spirits. I wasn’t even convinced they actually existed, if I’m being completely honest.” Not until Blanche at least, but Rio decided to keep things more vague for the moment. Rio wanted to remain a bit skeptical. He’s been told he has a habit of trusting people too easily. “But like I said I like to keep an open mind. And honestly all this history and supernatural stuff is super fascinating to me.”

Rio nodded, “Yeah, well obviously if you came here you must know that White Crest’s local lore is pretty intense.” The only perspective Rio had into that were stories he had heard from others that moved into town. Apparently, not every town had as many horror stories as this one did. But for someone that had never known anything different, this had all seemed so normal to Rio until he had gotten older. “Wait, really?” Rio couldn’t hide the excitement, bubbling up and forcing him to hop back and forth, “You look at local records and stuff like that?” He had to admit, this was already more convincing than some of the other shows he watched. Plus, who could turn down the idea of doing research? “That’s a great idea! I spend a ton of time at the local library. I can see if there’s anything they can pull for us!” 

The offer actually took Rio aback for a moment. He was stunned at first by it, though it eventually developed more into stress as Rio thought deeper about it. He could feel his neck heating up and knew he was blushing from even considering the idea of him being in a Youtube video. “Oh uh- Wow. I mean I really appreciate the offer. Because that sounds really cool. I’m not much of a like… public speaker though. Even if there’s not a public right now. I know there will be a public. That’s terrifying. Does that not terrify you?”

God, if this kid broke his camera, Connor was going to flip his shit, but you had to give a little to get a little, so if this guy was going to help him out, Connor had to give him a chance. "What convinced you?" he asked, eyes bright and inquisitive as he looked at Rio. He liked hearing stories about people who had been skeptics and had changed their minds.

"White Crest's supernatural lore - if you wanna call it that - is exactly why I'm here." He snickered. "Usually I'd look up the records before I came to the building, but it's fun to shake things up. I like the surprise." The idea of being terrified of speaking in front of the camera was hilarious to him, and he gave a good natured laugh. "Nah. Never bothered me. Some people are more naturally inclined to it than others. I get that." 

How did Orion explain his introduction into the supernatural? No, it was probably better to stick strictly to ghosts for the moment. Among the many horrors that Rio had seen and knew existed, ghosts had always been more elusive to him. He had proof of werewolves and fae. He had no proof that ghosts or spirits existed. So while he always kept an open mind, certainly not refusing to believe in them, he had kept a healthy amount of skepticism too. Maybe it was idealistic, hoping that maybe one horrifying thing people believed in actually was fake. “A good friend of mine has had experiences with them,” Blanche was like Connor, a medium. Or at least what Connor claimed to be. “I’ve never really had much experience by myself with ghosts, but she wouldn’t lie to me. So I believe her and I want to experience it for myself.” He shrugged. This wasn’t exactly the truth, but it was the closest thing to it that Rio was able to go with someone he barely knew. 

“Yeah, fair. There’s uh- plenty of content to be had here. So are you just focused on like ghosts and spirits? Or anything supernatural? White Crest offers lots of stories of both.” Rio had to admit that he was impressed by Connor’s willingness to dive into what most would consider the more boring aspect of ghost hunting. Most seemed to go purely based on stories that fueled the ghost stories. It was nice to see that he actually wanted to dig a little deeper. “Well I’m happy to offer my help in that regard, if you want. Research is kinda my thing, y’know? History major and all.” It was easy to tell that the easy going demeanor that Rio saw on YouTube wasn’t an act, not completely at least. Connor seemed to have that ease in person too. Even his body language was more relaxed as opposed to Rio’s. “Yeah, haha. Awkward people probs, right?” He laughed nervously, cursing himself for not being more sociable. “But let me know what I can do, yeah? I’m willing to help with anything. I want to see what the whole process is like.”

"A friend, hm?" Connor began walking around the house, keeping his senses peeled for any sign of ghosts. There was nothing yet, but that didn't necessarily mean Rio was wrong about the hauntings. Maybe they were just shy. "Might be the same friend that I know." If there was more than one medium in town that he could liaise with, he'd want to know, but most people weren't exactly as open as Connor was. 

"I'd say ninety per cent ghosts, ten per cent everything else." He'd probably record a voiceover for this footage so he could add any information they might find in the archives. "Great. Research buddy." He grinned over his shoulder. "Don't suppose you have the key?" His grin widened. "Or are we doing some good old-fashioned breaking and entering?" 

“You know someone else that sees ghosts?” Orion questioned, running through the small list of people that Rio knew who was able to see ghosts. The very small list. But just because Rio only knew Blanche, that didn’t mean there weren’t others in town that could also see ghosts. For now, it was better not to bring her up. “That’s pretty cool. I can imagine that it can get sorta frustrating sometimes, seeing things that others can’t? So I’m sure it’s nice to have others that can.” 

Ten percent everything else. That ten percent could give him a lot of content in a town like this. As long as he wasn’t too reckless and got himself hurt hunting it down. But trying to film the supernatural wouldn’t always land well with the ones trying to protect it’s secret. Which left a sort of conundrum that Rio had never considered before. Would hunter’s break their own code about protecting humans if it meant protecting the knowledge of the supernatural? Either way, it was probably better to make sure he kept an eye on these videos. To make sure he was safe. Rio gave an awkward thumbs up, “I think being your research buddy would be super cool.” Something told Rio that this wasn’t the first time that Connor had considered breaking and entering. Not that Rio could judge anymore, since he had done his fair share of it himself now. Rio tried the front door, the knob catching and refusing to budge. Unsurprisingly, it was locked. But Rio pressed against the door a little harder this time, shoving it until the lock cracked and the front door swung open, “Hmm. Guess it was rusted or something. Opened right up.” He laughed nervously, standing to the side and allowing Connor to get the first look inside. Rio couldn’t believe he was actually doing this.

"Well, I know a few people through family contacts and networking and stuff, but one in White Crest." There were likely more, Connor knew. Zombies, vampires, banshees... but he only knew Blanche. "It's pretty validating to have someone who knows you're telling the truth. I spent ages thinking there was something wrong with me when I was a kid." 

Rio decided to answer Connor with his actions rather than words. He tried the locks himself, but they didn't budge. Rio, however, was stronger than he looked. "Would it be unprofessional if I said that was pretty hot?" he said with a grin. Once the door was open, Connor started filming, getting some shots as he walked through the door. "So we just got in, and apparently my new friend Rio is the Hulk in disguise," Connor narrated, flipping the camera to Rio for a second to smile at him. He turned the camera back to the house, slowly exploring. "Hey, anyone home?" he called. 

Orion considered what it would be like to not know anyone else that could see ghosts or spirits. Rio had grown up around people like him, at least genetically. Maybe his was the opposite extreme. Rio had spent most of his life wishing that he hadn’t grown up around other hunters. “I can’t say that I know exactly what that’s like. But it sounds pretty lonely.  I’m familiar with that feeling.” 

Rio’s face was on fire, and he could tell that it must be a bright shade of red. “Uhhhhhhhh” Rio drug that out for far too long as he tried to figure out how to reply to the compliment. “Thanks. I mean it doesn’t bother me. That’s very nice. And you’re very pretty. Like objectively pretty I mean.” Rio rambled, clearly not used to receiving any compliments like that. “I mean, I’m sorta dating someone right now. Now that you asked. Or that you were like flirting or anything. But just so you know. I’ll shut up now.” Please for the love of god, have Connor edit that part out of his filming. Luckily, Connor got right back to work filming the place as they walked inside, and Rio trailed behind him and held his own camera up to film as well. When Connor turned the camera towards Rio, he smiled and gave the screen a thumbs up. “So does that usually work for you? Asking if they’re home?” Rio asked curiously, wondering how many ghosts kept up with manners. Considering the two had just broken their door down, greetings probably wouldn’t be the first thing on their minds.

Connor turned the camera back on himself. “Do you hear that, lads, gals and non-binary pals? You heard it here. I’m objectively pretty.” He couldn’t hide his charming little smirk before he went back to filming the room. “Nah, not always, but I’m going into their place. It’s polite to announce myself, right?” He started slowly and carefully looking around the room for any signs of who might have lived here previously. Family pictures, old letters, things of that nature. Mostly all that was left was damp and rot. “We’re not here to do you any harm. My name’s Connor, and this is my mate Rio. We just want to say hello.” 

A shiver ran down his spine. Where there would normally be some kind of outline of a person, all Connor could see was a vague shape, like someone had left the stove on. “Whoa.” He stepped back, getting a look at the viewfinder of the camera. “You see that? The orb. That’s one of them. But it’s not.. I mean they’re not… they’re just a shape.” 

Orion accepted his fate of embarrassing himself in front of his new friend and the potential hundreds of thousands of viewers that watched his videos and resigned himself to focusing on the video instead of pondering that any further. He liked the ease that Connor talked while the camera was around, as if he was just talking to friends. He definitely had a lot of charisma that Rio wished he could channel. “Hey there” Rio called out into the house as a response to Connor introducing the two of them to the spirits. 

Rio spun around at Connor’s sudden find and trained the camera towards the orb-like shape that floated across the house from them. Rio could feel goosebumps running along his arms, but tried his best to keep the camera steady as he slowly trailed behind Connor. Why could Rio see this? He didn’t know nearly enough about ghosts or spirits, clearly. He didn’t to find something in the Scribrary and start reading. Especially if he wanted to continue being friends with and helping Connor out. Rio took an instinctive step back, but managed to keep the camera pointed at the orb. “I hate this. Why is it just floating there?” Rio mumbled, worried that the ghost wasn’t that concerned with manners at all.

“You come here alone?” The voice was nothing more than a whisper, but it seemed to come from all directions. “Bold mistake.”

Okay. That was less than ideal. The camera (and most people who accompanied him) wouldn’t pick up what it was saying, so Connor always repeated it back. “They asked if we came alone, and said it was a bold mistake.” He paused. “Why?” he asked the spirit, his voice casually inquisitive. “Why is it bold? You’re not out to hurt us or something, are you? Seems a bit unnecessary.” He kept his voice casual, not wanting to provoke it. “You got your bracelet?” he whispered to Rio. His own rested on his wrist, a leather knotted piece of jewellery with a glass vial containing salt. “It isn’t a hundred per cent failsafe, but they help a lot. Kind of like a condom.”

‘What are you whispering about?’ It asked. ‘Are you making fun of me?’

“No, of course not. We’re just… talking about the best way to help you.” He’d heard of spirits like this. They weren’t really ghosts in that they couldn’t take a human form, but they could still possess people, usually those who were emotionally vulnerable and isolated. “Are you here alone? I thought a family lived here?” he asked, keeping it talking while he took some supplies out of his bag on a rotting, dusty dining room table.  

All of his life, Orion had been the one that heard everything. His stupid hunter hearing was temperamental, but it usually picked up on sounds too far away from any normal person to hear or too private for Rio to be listening in on. For once, Rio actually found himself frustrated that he couldn’t hear something. Knowing that the spirit was saying something that Rio couldn’t pick up on was nerve wracking and left him feeling vulnerable. “Can they hear me?” Rio asked Connor, taking a step closer to the ghost hunter as he tried to unpack his things. It seemed like he had a plan. Rio nodded a confirmation that raised his hand to show off the bracelet that he had tied against his wrist. The salt center made sense. It seemed like a pretty common supernatural deterrence. At least for things no longer alive. “Connor’s telling the truth. I can’t hear you, but neither of us are here to do any harm to you.” Rio felt useless. It wasn’t an uncommon feeling for Rio, but it was something that he hadn’t felt for awhile. For once, Rio had finally started to feel like he was able to help. Now, he was practically back to square one. But he took a step forward and tried to block Connor’s path. If Connor had a plan the least Rio could go was try to protect him.

“They can hear you,” Connor said. “Sorry, I… dunno what to call you,” he said to the specter. It swooped around the room. In the darkness, Connor couldn’t see it properly in its flimsy shape, but he figured it might be trying to possess one of them, hopefully to no effect. He drew out the circle in chalk on the ground, making use of the space Rio was blocking with his body. Hopefully it would respond to the same ritual that had got rid of Uncle Joe. 

‘This one is stupid,’ the ghasper said. 

“That’s not very nice,” Connor answered, looking at Rio sympathetically. “It said you’re stupid.” He wiped the chalk from his hands. “Some people just don’t know much about spirits. He’s new to this, mate, give him a break, yeah? So how long have you lived here? It’s… nice, apart from the structural issues and dust.” Connor was trying to keep it calm while he prepared his tools. 

‘I don’t know how long I’ve been here…’ it admitted. ‘Years. There’s always losers coming in. I took hold of them sometimes.’

“Must be lonely,” Connor answered after repeating its words to Rio so he was clued in. “Make sure you get this on camera, okay?” he whispered. 

A ghost had just called Orion stupid, and all he could think to do was chuckle. “That’s fair, but you might be surprised actually. Ghosts just aren’t really my specialty.” He turned around and glanced at Connor over his shoulder. Maybe that comment was a little more information than he needed to give to either Connor or the ghost, but his goal was to keep the ghost busy. Whether that was by peaking its curiosity or annoying it, Rio hoped that it was working. He spotted that Connor was drawing something and didn’t want to risk the ghost being able to see it, so he turned back towards the ghost. 

“I think I knew those losers.” Rio agreed with the ghost after Connor had translated, “I grew up around here. I’ve always heard people bragging about coming here. They were usually jerks.” He nodded silently to Connor and readjusted the camera a bit, hoping that even though he was clearly scared out of his mind he was able to keep calm enough that he wasn’t ruining the shot. “But Connor here isn’t a loser. He’s the real deal. And I think he can help you.”

“Aw, yeah, massive wankers, Rio told me all about ‘em,” Connor chimed in. “Can you do me a favor though? I’m trying to help you, yeah? But I need you to come closer so I can see you.” Connor had left his camera on the table with a wide view of the room so it could record anything Rio might have missed.

‘You two don’t seem lonely at all. Well, maybe the stupid one, a little bit, but I can tell he has love in his life.’ 

Connor shot Rio a look, giving a low chuckle before repeating the ghost’s words. At least Rio was getting some. 

“Nah, and nobody should be lonely, so… what do you say?” 

There was a poignant pause before the ghasper decided to take Connor up on his offer, fluttering closer, like a little badly formed cloud of smoke. Connor stepped back, beckoning, until it was in position, right there in his chalk circle.

“Sorry, mate. Can’t risk you possessing some other poor bugger that walks in here.” He picked up his book of rituals, holding the ceremonial dagger that operated as his focal point, starting to recite in Latin. The wind seemed to pick up, walls shaking as the ghasper tried to resist.

‘LIAR! You lying bastard. You will suffer eternal damnation. My brethren will rip your insides out and use them to string you up!’ 

And so the threats continued, but Connor kept his focus, feeling his energy deplete. With a hard gust of wind, the ghasper vanished, and the building was calm once again. Connor had to lean against the table to keep himself upright. 

“Bloody hell. Oof… still kind of new at that part,” he murmured. 

Connor was sweet talking the ghost. Orion stayed mostly silent from then on, assuming that Connor had a handle on the rest. It was impressive to watch. And certainly cemented the fact that Connor was the real deal. This definitely hadn’t been his first run in with a real ghost. So that must have meant that Connor’s other videos had been real too then? Fascinating.

Rio’s face turned red again once Connor repeated its words. Even the ghost was embarrassing Rio in front of the cameras now? That had to be a new low for Rio. He decided to just shrug against the words. He couldn’t believe that he had just been called stupid multiple times by the random ghost. Though Rio didn’t have much time to dwell on it. The ghost was coming closer to the two and Rio backed away behind Connor to let him take over, making sure to angle it so that both the orb and Connor could be seen in the shot. Once the ghost got into the circle that Connor had drawn, the ghost hunter pulled out a book and started reciting Latin. Rio was familiar with the words, Latin being the only language that his parents had actually supported the twins learning. This was an honest to god exorcism. The orb seemed to go crazy, and Rio could only imagine what it must be saying. And then, the thing vanished as if it had never been there in the first place. “Holy crap.” Rio stares quietly, staring at Connor in wonder, but soon the excitement took over and he was hopping up and down and repeating himself, “Holy crap! You just did that! That was so cool! I couldn’t even tell that you were a beginner.”

Connor caught his breath. It always took something out of you to perform an exorcism, but Connor was still learning. He wondered if it got easier the more you did it, but from the way some of the contacts he’d tracked down spoke about it, he doubted it. “Thanks,” he chuckled tiredly, but his pride was evident in his voice and his expression. “Probably makes me a bit of a masochist to say it was fun, right? Luckily ghaspers aren’t very strong or dangerous.” He straightened up, his energy slowly returning to him. “Alright mate, let’s go back to my place and we can grab a beer and I’ll show you how I edit.” He grinned. “Unless there’s somewhere else you’d rather be.”

Still reeling from the exorcism that he had just witnessed, Orion had no plans of cutting off now and heading home. He had hoped that he could get a look into editing at some point but hadn’t expected Connor to invite him over immediately following this. “Seriously?” Rio asked him, still a bit confused at the idea of someone wanting to hang out with him. He shouldn’t be anymore. He had made friends that he knew wanted to be around him. Rio just supposed he had almost twenty years of evidence to the contrary that always kept him a bit skeptical. But this was a new year for Rio. He wasn’t about to let those doubts hold him back. “I mean yeah, definitely. Nothing better to do at all.” He didn’t break the news to Connor that he didn’t really drink, but figured that wouldn’t be important once the two got to work cutting all the footage together. “I can stop by and grab food on the way? I know a great diner.”

[findingyouagain]

𝙷𝙰𝚁𝙱𝙸𝙽𝙶𝙴𝚁 𝙾𝙵 𝙳𝙴𝙰𝚃𝙷 ( 𝙿𝙰𝚁𝚃 𝙾𝙽𝙴 ).

Feelings could override facts, as facts could alter feelings. Choose the truth first, rather than following after feelings. — Anthony Liccione

"At least you're up on time this morning."

Kennedy glanced up from her spot on the kitchen counter, a bowl of Cheerios in her left hand and a spoon in her right, her feet kicking back and forth in the air. She watched as her father, still dressed in his pajama pants and robe, made his way to the fridge, pulling out the orange juice and setting the carton on the counter next to her.

Kennedy took another bite of cereal. "To be fair, I was on time yesterday morning as well, just not Monday."

"Or last night," Bryan quipped as he opened the cabinet above Kennedy's head and grabbed a clear glass.

Kennedy shrugged, having no desire to rehash the breaking of her curfew from the previous night. Instead, she pointed at her father's attire with the end of her spoon. "No work today I see?"

Shaking his head, Bryan poured the orange juice into his glass. "Don't try and change the subject, Kenn. You know, I should ground you for coming home late."

"Extreme circumstances, Dad.," she huffed. Kennedy jumped down from the counter and walked over to the sink, turning the faucet on. She washed the last bit of Cheerios and milk down the drain. "Like I told you last night—Vicki Donovan got attacked by a cougar or mountain lion or something, and I called 911, meaning I had to stick around to give my statement to the police. That's why I was late."

"That excuse would work except you didn't bother to call me or your mom to inform us what was going on."

Kennedy sighed, placing the dirty bowl in the dishwasher. "Again, after I got off the call with the police, my phone died, and I was a little busy trying to make sure Oliver didn't go full-freak out mode on an ambulance driver—look, are we just going to repeat our entire conversation from last night? Because if so, let's skip to the part where you've decided to ground me anyway despite the fact that I already said I'm sorry." She leaned against the counter and glanced down at her watch. Bonnie and Elena would be pulling into the driveway soon. "It won't happen again, I promise."

Bryan sipped his orange juice, staring at Kennedy with uncertain eyes. It wasn't that he didn't trust his daughter. He did. She was one of the most responsible teenagers in Mystic Falls (even if she could backtalk her way out of most problems, even if he did let her get away with sneaking out with Oliver to go to parties every so often, even if he did notice that occasionally the bourbon in his home office would be a little lower than usual right around finals week in school); however, he was worried something extreme might happen again, and instead of Vicki Donovan or some other kid, Kennedy would be the one in danger. "Okay, I'm not going to ground you. If I did, I'd be going back on what I told you last night. But—and this is an important but—you have to respect the curfew from now on. No second chances, Kennedy."

"Thank you, thank you!" Kennedy squealed as she bit back the urge to reply this was her second chance. She rushed up and wrapped Bryan in a hug, almost causing his juice to spill out of the glass still in his hand.

"You're welcome."

Releasing her father from the hug, Kennedy stepped back and leaned against the counter. "And I can still go with Bonnie to her grandmother's house for dinner? You'll cover for me at church, yeah?"

A honk blared through the house, and Kennedy looked out the window to see Bonnie's Prius pulling into the driveway. "Yes, but I'm sure Pastor Young will miss your help at bible study. Now, go to school." She nodded, grabbing her backpack off the table. "And expect there to be extra chores around the house that need your attention this week!"

"Love you too!"

Two hours later, Kennedy tapped a red pen against her desk in Mr. Tanner's classroom. Having finished stapling the class's first homework assignment together, her notebook lay open in front of her, revealing the sketched beginnings of a crow. Tanner stood in the front of the classroom, where he paced back and forth in front of his desk like he did every day. However, today he seemed to be ending class on a current local event rather than U.S. History.

"Originally discovered nearly 5 centuries ago, it hasn't been seen above Mystic Falls in over 145 years. Now, the comet will be its brightest right after dusk during tomorrow's celebration—are we bothering you?" Kennedy glances up to see Mr. Tanner standing over Elena's desk. She followed his gaze as he glanced over to Stefan before his eyes landed back on Elena. "Mr. Salvatore? Ms. Gilbert?"

The duo dropped their gazes, and Kennedy rolled her eyes. Her friend had never quite learned the art of discretion. She recalled last year, before Matt and Elena had started dating, Elena had been infatuated with Jason, one of Kennedy's teammates from track, and had been called out a few times by Mr. Tanner for the same longing glances.

The bell rang, and the class gathered their bags. Kennedy stood up, slinging her book bag onto her back and grabbing the homework assignments with one hand and her notebook and pen with the other.

"Here you go, Mr. Tanner," she said when she reached his desk. He took the stack of papers, acknowledging her with a nod before going to erase his chalkboard for the next class. Taking that as her cue to leave, Kennedy walked out of the room.

Students crowded the hall, pushing and shoving each other on their way to their next classes. Some lingered by their lockers, chatting with each other about homework assignments and awful teachers. It was only the third day of school, and already the students of Mystic Falls High were ready for the year to be over so they could hang around their houses all day long. Spotting Bonnie and Caroline, Kennedy hurried in their direction, leaving behind the two lovebirds and their discussion on Emily Bronte behind her.

"I'm confused. Are you psychic or clairvoyant?" Caroline asked as Kennedy began to walk in step next to the blonde.

Bonnie shot her a smile before answering. "Technically, Grams says I'm a witch. My ancestors were these really cool Salem witch chicks or something. Grams tried to explain it all, but she was looped on the liquor, so I kinda tuned out. Crazy family? Yes. Witches? I don't think so."

Kennedy laughed as the trio turned a corner. "She's been saying your guys were witches since we were kids, Bon. I don't think she's been looped on the liquor the past seventeen years."

Bonnie stopped short in the hallway, green eyes narrowing at Kennedy. "You think I'm a witch?"

Shrugging, Kennedy shook her head. "Nah, just stating an observation. A witch does sound pretty far-fetched, but you could be psychic, you know? There's thousands of people across the world who claim to be able to see the future or talk to ghosts. Not nearly as crazy sounding as a witch."

Bonnie rolled her eyes at her friend and opened her mouth to remark, but Caroline beat her to it. "Yeah, well, Bonnie, feel free to conjure up the name and number of that guy from last night."

"I didn't see him," Bonnie argued, smile lining her face. "You did. Why didn't you just talk to him?"

"I don't know. I was drunk."

Eyes furrowing in confusion, Kennedy glanced away from the bright pink poster on the wall that had caught her gaze and back to the blonde. Had she missed something after she had left the Grill? "What guy?"

"Oh, just some dude who showed up after you left." Bonnie shrugged her shoulders, fingers moving to twist the long necklace she was wearing. "I don't know why she's so infatuated though. She didn't even talk to him."

"Because he was hot. Capital H-O-T—hot," Caroline interjected with a giggle. Her grin was wide and contagious, and Kennedy felt a smile of her own reach her face. Now, she wished she had stayed around just a bit longer to get a glimpse at the guy the duo was referring to, even if it would have resulted in her actually being grounded.

All three girls giggled. Before they knew it, the bell rang again, and they departed off to their separate classes.

By the time her sixth and final period of the day came, Kennedy realized she hadn't spotted Oliver all day. Other than Calculus, the two didn't have any classes together, but they would normally, along with Vicki and occasionally the rest of the gang, sit and have lunch together outside if the weather was nice. However, if it was rainy or too cold, Kennedy tended to find herself in the school's library instead.

She glanced to the seat next to her, ignoring Mrs. Halpern as she began to describe limits in her nasally voice, and sighed as it remained empty. So, Oliver was definitely not at school then. Knowing she would have to be subtle about it, Kennedy pulled out her phone, kept it placed strategically in her lap, hidden under the notebook she had hovering over the back edge of the desk, and began typing.

Where are you? You're missing a fantastic lecture about limits. I thought you were excited to be able to use that Mean Girls quote and understand why it didn't exist.

Well, that might have been a lie. It was more that Caroline hadn't stopped talking about the fact that Kennedy was going to be able to explain the math behind said quote so the younger blonde could finally use it without anyone trying to call her too dumb to understand the reference.

Her phone screen lit up, and she felt the soft buzz of the device vibrating against her pants. At the hospital visiting Vicki, but I'm sure Mrs. Halpern's lecture would be more fantastic if she didn't sound like Fran Drescher.

Kennedy couldn't argue with him there. She felt bad though. She had almost forgotten all about Vicki's attack from the previous night since arriving at school. Despite Oliver being Kennedy's best friend, Vicki's presence or lack thereof was usually below her radar. The two seniors just did not get along, and both had very strong opinions on what was better for the blond. Kennedy didn't feel like Vicki was going anywhere with her life other than where the next hit from her blunt took her, and she did not want Vicki to bring Oliver down with her. He could go places, was smart enough to go places even if he sometimes lacked the needed motivation, but that was what she was here for—to be his friend and push him to succeed.

But it also meant checking on him emotionally, which today, meant asking about Vicki.

Is she feeling any better? she typed out before locking her phone and returning to her notebook. She wasn't really taking notes since Mrs. Halpern recorded the lectures and placed them on the school website so students could look back at them later. Instead, she had continued the drawing she had begun working on this morning: a crow sketched out in red ink on lined wide ruled paper. She scribbled back and forth in a triangular movement across the paper, attempting for the fourth time that period to get the beak right. It always looked too jagged or too sharp.

A glance back at her phone. Better. I got here a little after Matt, but she's still kinda out of it. Sounds like she might be released tomorrow though.

That's good. I hope she feels better soon. That's such a crazy thing to have happened to someone. Did they ever figure out what type of animal attacked her?

Mrs. Halpern cleared her throat, and Kennedy glanced up to see a very pointed look directed at her from the calculus teacher. She gave a soft nod and made to put away her phone, but the device buzzed once more as a new message lit up her screen. They said it was probably just a mountain lion. But, according to Matt, Vic was so out of it earlier she told him it had been a vampire that attacked her. Gotta love strong pain meds, right?

Kennedy rolled her eyes before tossing the phone back into her backpack and releasing a soft sigh. She picked her pen back up, brown eyes focusing on the sketch in front of her. The crow sat in the same position as before, caught mid-flight in a clear sky, wings spread out and beady eyes staring ahead. It was the beak, however, that she had taken interest in again, mostly because the beak no longer resembled that of a crow but, somewhere along the course of her doodling, had taken on the fang-like features of a bat.

A vampire crow, she thought as she shook her head. Way to keep your art realistic.

With her earbuds in, Kennedy hummed along to "When You Were Young" by the Killers as it came through the small speakers into her ears. She stood in the middle of the history section of the public library, thumbing through and picking out misplaced books onto the gray metal cart she pushed. Work had only started an hour ago and already she was bored. She had tutored a seventh grader in Pre-Algebra at the beginning of her shift, but the younger girl only had a few math problems to solve, so Kennedy had been freed quickly to begin restocking the bookshelves and updating the online catalogue.

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus, but he talks like a gentleman, like you imagined, when you were young.

She nodded along to the beat, picking up the memoir from the Civil War and sliding it between two other books on the wooden shelf. Glancing down at the pager attached to her hip, she wondered briefly if the front desk needed any help. That was what the pager was for, so on the rare occasion the library got swamped and no one could spare the time to look for her, Mrs. Karp could notify her they needed help downstairs.

They say the devil's water, it ain't so sweet. You don't have to drink right now, but you can dip your feet, every once in a little while.

Something cold and rough touched her shoulder, and Kennedy jumped, chocolate brown eyes widening as she whipped around, coming face to chest with a black cotton t-shirt. Titling her head upward, Kennedy met the man's amused blue eyes before letting out a soft sigh. That was the third time that week he had managed to sneak up on her like that. It had to be a weird coincidence. Mystic Falls was a small town, and everyone came to the library at one point in their lifetime. She'd even spotted Mayor Lockwood in here every once in a while, browsing through the library's portion of the Founder's Archives.

She pulled out her earbuds, wrapping them around her phone and stuffing the object back into her jean pocket. "Uh—" she muttered, hand moving to scratch at the back of her neck. Why was she suddenly so awkward? Sure, the man was attractive, but if there was one place Kennedy felt the most confident and at home, it was the library…well, with the track and field coming in as a close second.

"Sorry," he apologized, blue eyes racking over her small form. "I didn't mean to scare you, but in my defense, I've been trying to grab your attention for at least three minutes now."

"You have?" she asked, not having realized how absorbed she had been in her work or how loud her music must have been. "I mean—um, how can I help you?"

Kennedy watched as he laughed lightly at her uneasiness and pushed his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket. His blue eyes never left her face. "The Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice? Do you guys have a copy? I can't seem to find it anywhere, and I've been itching to read it again."

"Anne Rice?" Kennedy bit back a laugh of her own. It was hard to imagine the tall stranger reading the gothic novel. Wasn't society's current obsession with vampires limited to the female population? Not that she was judging. He just didn't seem to be the type. Leather jacket, jeans, classic sports car, and eyes that reminded her of James Dean. Shouldn't he be more into rock and roll and motorcycles than vampires? To be fair, she wasn't sure what his type was though. She didn't even know the guy's name. "Well, it's not in this section of the library, obviously." She pointed above her head to the sign that read 'History'. "But, yeah, I'm pretty sure we have a copy. If I'm right, it's over in the gothic literature section. I can help you find it if you want?"

He nodded. "Yes, please." A tilt of his head and a small smile, he extended his hand out. "I'm Damon, by the way."

"Kennedy," she replied, shaking his hand with a small smile of her own. At least now, she finally had a name for the peculiar stranger. Was he new to town? She had never seen him before Monday.

"I know. You told me yesterday—when you tripped outside."

"Right." She nodded, biting her lip. She let the air fill with quiet tension for a few seconds before hooking her thumb in the direction of the gothic literature section. "Follow me." She didn't wait to see if he was behind her as she began walking, leaving behind the cart still filled with books needing to be re-shelved. When she reached the bookshelf, her index finger danced across the spines of each book before finally seeing Rice, A. tapped to the bottom of one paperback. She plucked it off the shelf and handed it to Damon. "Here you go—one copy of The Vampire Chronicles. Much better story than Twilight if you ask me, but don't tell my friends I said that. I'd be shunned."

Another laugh and Damon nodded again. "Thanks. Can you check it out for me?"

She shook her head, teeth digging into her lip again. She really needed to get back to restocking the bookshelves, and although Damon was being very polite, there was still something…off about him, something she couldn't put her finger on. "Actually, that's more Mrs. Karp's job. If you go downstairs to the front desk, she can help you there. I've got some books that need putting away."

"Okay, well, it was nice seeing you, Kennedy." His blue eyes raked over her again, like he was afraid this would be the last time he'd see her and he needed to memorize the image. She felt a shiver go down her spine.

"…You too." She tried to avoid his gaze. Her fingers twitched, and she glanced back at the bookcase—Dracula, Frankenstein, Wuthering Heights, and a collection of Edgar Allen Poe stories. When she looked back up, Damon was nowhere to be seen.

"If he wasn't so hot, he'd be weird," Kennedy muttered and pulled her phone back out of her pocket. At least now, she could get back to work.

"Well, I was talking to Grams, and she said the comet is a sign of impending doom. The last time it passed over Mystic Falls, there was a lot of death. So much blood and carnage, it created a bed of paranormal activity," Bonnie explained, and Kennedy watched as the girl folded another flier in half. How they always got dragged into helping out with the town's events and celebrations, Kennedy wasn't sure, but at least she could put it down under the volunteer section of her college resumes.

Caroline scoffed, taking a large sip of her lemonade before setting her glass back onto the table. The sun was bright overhead, warming up the girls' skin as they sat and chatted over drinks. "Yeah, and then you poured Grams another shot, and she told you about the aliens." The blonde turned to Elena, a glint of mischief in her blue eyes, and propped her elbow under her chin. "So, then what?"

Rolling her eyes, Elena shrugged. "So, then nothing."

"You and Stefan talked all night?" Caroline continued, and Kennedy noticed Elena's eyes fall down to the pamphlets in her hand, clearly trying to avoid the blonde's probing gaze. "There was no sloppy first kiss or touchy feely of any kind?"

"Care, there doesn't always have to be something touchy feely on the first night," Kennedy interjected. Caroline always did this. As soon as she got wind that one of them was becoming entangled in anything that even slightly resembled a relationship, or even a fling, she pounced, ready for details to spill from her friend's lips like juice from the first bite of a pomegranate.

The blonde rolled her eyes. "How would you know? You've never even had a boyfriend."

Huffing, Kennedy folded her arms but said nothing in response. She was right. The senior had never had a boyfriend. There had been a sloppy kiss or two behind the bleachers and a lingering gaze or so from a few guys at one of the college parties she and Oliver had snuck out to, but nothing more than that, which usually meant that her opinion when it came to relationship advice got ignored.

Elena, however, continued to answer as she folded yet another flier. "No, Caroline. We didn't go there."

"Not even a handshake? I mean, Elena, we are your friends." The blonde gestured between the four of them, eyebrows raised. "Okay? You are supposed to share the smut."

It was Kennedy's turn to scoff, biting back a laugh at Caroline's choice of words. "Smut? Really? What is this? Fanfiction? A cheesy romance novel our moms have hidden in their dresser drawer?"

"Really, Caroline. We just talked for hours." Elena shook her head as she shrugged, but Caroline wasn't take no as an answer.

"Ok, what is with the blockage? Just jump his bones already!" Kennedy's eyes widened at the blonde's words, and she watched the same look of surprise cross Bonnie's face. Despite knowing exactly what their friend had been hinting at the entire conversation, neither had expected her blunt reaction. Maybe it was because nothing was happening in the love department for anyone else at the moment, but in Kennedy's opinion, Caroline was being rather overzealous about insisting Elena get it on with Stefan so quickly. "Okay, it's easy. Boy likes girl, girl likes boy, sex!"

Straight face as always, Elena just shook her head; although, Kennedy caught a slight smirk cross the younger brunette's features. "Profound."

Meanwhile, Kennedy furrowed her eyebrows, mouth slightly agape. "That's not how—S'not even remotely how that—" she spluttered before sighing. "Just let her figure out how she feels her own way and at her own pace, Care. Not all of us are as sex positive as you are." Her brown eyes trailed back to Elena, who now looked more conflicted than before. A few seconds later, the younger brunette stood up, and Kennedy knew her defense had been unnecessary.

Bonnie at least had the decency to appear shocked. "Where are you going?"

Shrugging, Elena explained. "Caroline's right. It is easy. If I sit here long enough, I'll end up talking myself out of it instead of doing what I started the day saying what I was going to do." She grabbed her bag and walked off, leaving the three other girls staring at the now empty chair in front of them.

It was a minute later when Kennedy broke the silence: "So…impending doom, blood, and carnage? Is the comet going to turn Mystic Falls into the Twilight Zone?" Three small cheeky grins and laughter followed before the girls continued folding fliers.

[desperationandgin]

Strawberry Wine (Part 1, Chapter 4)

Rating: General Audiences

Author: desperationandgin

Previous Chapter

Also Read on: AO3

Chapter 4: The Riverbank

"So, ye've never been to a real school before, Sassenach? Wi’ desks and other students?”

As Jamie and I strolled through the woods near Lallybroch, we walked side by side, fingers drifting close and brushing, a soft tease and promise of more. Even if we didn’t know when that would be. June had just rolled into July, but getting the land ready to plant in time for winter crops took up quite a lot of Jamie’s time. We’d managed to sneak in a few escapes here and there to the stables for brief interludes; it was hardly enough time to get into much trouble, but I could tell he was impatient to spend time with me. I was too; I found myself thinking of the way his tongue liked to swipe my bottom lip before our mouths fused together, and the way it felt when his nose slid over my cheek. The problem had been the sheer number of people always in and out of Jamie’s home or wandering the property; not that either of us thought we would cause a scandal, but it was summer, and this was new, and we wanted to keep it to ourselves.

“That’s right. Nursing school will be my first time,” I said good-naturedly. I wasn’t nervous, not really. I knew I was bright and could keep up with even the finest of educated women--and some men, as well. “I had a private tutor, not for any reason other than we moved so often. It was easier and more stable for me to have one consistent teacher on the payroll and someone local wherever we went.”

“Why someone local as well?” Jamie asked curiously, seemingly in the mood for listening rather than talking today. A mood I’d figure out how to change, eventually.

“To learn essential parts of the language spoken, to learn customs and history. That sort of thing.” I shrugged, not thinking much of it. My education hadn’t provided me with long-lasting ‘forever’ friendships or pop quizzes after lunch, but I never felt bereft for it. I’d been happy to roam and learn along the way. A part of me, I supposed, longed for a place to call home one day, but it was only just beginning to become a concept in the back of my mind.

As we came to a fallen log, I stepped onto it, and Jamie held my hand as I walked across and hopped off the end, landing right in front of him. “Tell me what else you hope to learn in France,” I requested as his hands moved to my hips and he leaned close to kiss my forehead.

“How to work well wi’ numbers and sharpening my mind for business,” came his easy answer as we began to walk again. I could hear the low babble of water somewhere in the distance, though not far.

“I didn’t realize you had to go all the way to France to do that.” It was merely an observation, not a lament that he had to go. Not today, anyway.

“Weel, I’ll be finishing my schooling in the Faculty of Letters. And I still need to take my final exams in Latin and Greek. Then, once that’s done, I’ll go to work for my cousin. He owns a wine business, ‘tis verra successful.” For a moment, he’d looked slightly stressed about his language tests, but it passed and I smiled at him.

“You’re a philosopher, then? Passionate about the humanities?”

His slight blush was endearing and I made sure to squeeze his hand in mine so that he’d know I wasn’t poking fun.

“Aye, but mostly learning and culture, ye ken? I suppose I could have focused more on history, but this was more challenging.”

I hummed in acknowledgment. “Philosophy always is. There’s an endless circle of possibilities, it seems like.” My thumb grazed the bottom of his wrist. “I like that about you, Jamie. We could talk about anything or nothing and it would never matter. I would always be content, I think.”

“I reckon ye mean ye’ll listen to me talk about anythin’ or nothin’ and be content,” he appropriately called me out, and it was my turn to blush.

“I haven’t made it a very good secret then? How much I like listening to you?”

He laughed under his breath as he led me through a denser part of the woods by the hand. “Let’s see, Sassenach. Ye let me go on all the way to the Loch in the truck. And at the Loch, ye let me continue on. Then, ye had me singin’ all the way home. And now, mo nighean donn, as I try to learn more about you, ye change the subject right back to me. So. Aye, I ken how much ye like to hear me speak.”

There was good humor in his eyes before he looked back at the brush and finally pushed away thick leaves to reveal a river, lazily winding and coursing its way through the forest.

“Do you mind it?” I asked distractedly, trying to take in the beautiful scenery as well.

“Nah, dinna fash. But I do want to ken more about ye at some point,” he requested.

It was a simple ask and not one that should have given me so much pause, which I hid behind the act of smoothing out my trousers and sitting down on the bank of the river. Finally, I told him the only thing I could think of: the truth.

“No one’s ever asked before.”

As he sat beside me, Jamie visibly wavered, then finished lowering himself to the ground. “What do ye mean? No one asks after ye?”

Looking at him as though I might’ve admitted something abnormal, I shook my head. “I mean, there’s Lamb, of course.” I then explained to him what it was like, moving constantly and paying for fun and travel with the lack of companions.

“Then I want ye to tell me everything,” he decided as he leaned back on his hands and looked at me. “Everythin’ ye’ve ever wanted to tell a person, all the things ye’ve been burstin’ to get out.”

I snickered a bit, assuming he was being facetious, until I realized he was looking right at me, serious. “You want me to tell you everything, right here and now?”

“Och, nae, Sassenach. I mean to say ye never have to hold anythin’ back again. I’ll listen, always. I want to hear, and I want to ken what’s happening in that pretty heid of yers.” He reached out to push an errant curl from my forehead and I felt my heart pause for a moment when he next spoke.

“Do ye no’ realize I care about what ye think and dream and want?”

It wasn’t really that no one had ever cared before, but to hear Jamie say it — to hear anyone other than my Uncle express real enthusiasm to learn my opinions on things — made a lump form momentarily in the back of my throat before I managed to swallow it down. I wasn’t sure what to say, so I leaned my body into his and melted into his embrace as an arm wound around my shoulders.

“I’d never thought about it before. What it would be like to tell someone everything. Anything.” I paused, waiting as if something would suddenly come to me, a flood of stories bursting to tell. Nothing floated to the front of my memory, but he didn’t seem to mind.

“If I ask ye something, would ye be willing to give me an honest answer now?” he wondered, and I nodded.

“I’ll always be honest with you, Jamie,” I ensured, pulling back only enough to tilt my head up and look at him.

“And I, you,” he promised in return before dropping a kiss to the top of my head. I’d nearly forgotten about the question until he finally spoke it some minutes later.

“Do you ever wish ye’d had a simpler life? Something where ye would have been in one place, always. Like me, here,” he went on to explain unnecessarily.

I blinked at him owlishly, trying to understand how someone I’d only known a few weeks was already so adept at navigating the unspoken things in my mind. Idly, I wondered if he somehow knew what I was thinking.

“I’m not sure,” I finally responded carefully. “I never understood what I was missing. Now, I do.” I paused and let my fingers wander up his arm, playing with the fine hairs there. “I think more about what my future might be like now.”

I knew what that statement would bring, and I held my breath waiting for it.

“What do ye think then?” he wondered softly into my curls. “Do ye ever want a permanent home?”

This felt like too much and yet a natural thing to talk about all at once. Whatever I conjured in my mind, already I couldn’t picture doing it without Jamie. “I know I want to do everything we’ve already spoken of. Nurse, where I can, where I’m needed, as we travel. But after that, I don’t know what home looks like.”

I could feel the tip of his nose nuzzle against my temple before he finally cleared his throat. There was a slight give in his embrace, as if preparing to let me go should what he say next offend me. His body was tense with words unspoken, and I raised his hand to my lips, pressing a kiss to the back of it. If I could be honest with him, I needed him to know he could do the same.

He relaxed again, then mimicked my gesture of affection before speaking against my ear.

“I could be your home, Sassenach.”

It took me seconds to piece together what he meant, but he’d already clarified by the time I was ready to open my mouth. “Lallybroch. We could do all our travels, ye could nurse, and I could find handiwork, I’m sure. But eventually, someday, we could come back here. ‘Tis my home by right to be passed along to me.”

All the work Jamie’d done on his family’s land hadn’t been completed for him to simply walk away from it once he was old enough. We’d spoken about his plan to return one day and run the farm, as had been done for generations back in his family.

“Me, a farmer’s wife?” I asked, not with dismay, although my tone might have made it seem that way.

“I ken it’s no’ travelin’ the world—”

I realized my mistake as he prepared an apology, and I turned in his arms, repositioning myself so that I could face him.

“No, it isn’t traveling the world, Jamie.”

“It isna exciting, either,” he admitted, fingers drifting yet again to my hair. It was almost as if my curls and his fingertips had a mutual agreement.

“Maybe not,” I allowed, tipping my head to the side delicately. “You know what the rest of the world doesn’t have, though?”

I watched him attempt to puzzle it out, clearly trying to think of a good answer before I smiled and relieved him of his task. Leaning forward just enough, I cradled his face with my hands to nuzzle his nose with the tip of mine.

“The rest of the world doesn’t have you, James Fraser.”

I could feel his entire body sag with relief in the same instant his smile blossomed beside mine. “It wouldna be too boring for ye here?”

I did truly consider his question, only I’d done so nights ago while lying in bed, drifting to fantasies of sitting on the steps of his home, watching him walk up the path. Only it would be our home by then.

“It wouldn’t be boring. There are plenty of people living even further out than Lallybroch, away from Inverness. I know how to drive, or even ride a horse that far when the weather’s reasonable. I’ll be able to tend to them, and in my spare time, help you. I can think of a thousand words for it, but ‘boring’ isn’t one of them.”

Jamie’s lips grazed mine, tongue coming out to wet his lips before speaking. “If ye give me a thousand words, I’ll give ye a thousand kisses.”

It was a challenge I gladly accepted and laughed, pressing a word to his ear. “Amazing.”

He didn’t miss a beat, dropping a kiss to the corner of my mouth; but he lingered, not pulling away when my next breath fell against his lips. “Tranquil.”

Jamie drank up the word with his next kiss, and as I continued to spill words into the air (challenging, rewarding, lovely, blissful), his mouth found my neck. Fingers tugged at my dress so he could kiss my bare collar bone before he ducked across my chest, pressing a kiss over my heart and winding up with his lips firmly against mine once more. I was panting by the time my mouth crashed into his, and my hands found their way to his hair before gasping for breath.

I could feel his palms, warm on my lower back, even through the fabric of my dress. Once I could breathe, I allowed my lips to ghost against his once more.

“May I give another thousand words for another thousand kisses?” I asked sweetly, pressing one of my own to the tip of his nose. Never mind that I haven’t even gotten through ten before.

He was already busy pressing a kiss to the curve of my still-covered breast, a gesture that caused a shiver, making my back arch.

“Aye. I’ll kiss ye forever,” he promised, before going back to doing just that. No additional words required.

I wasn’t sure who began rocking their hips first, but I dimly became aware of it as his fingers gripped my hips with enough pressure for me to notice. I continued kissing him the best I could, even as my breath shallowed.

“Sassenach,” he growled out, the sound making my stomach twist itself into a knot of wanting to ride him straight into the ground.

“Don’t stop,” I spoke in response to a question he hadn’t asked. His groan came on the heels of my hips rolling with intent against his. Jamie’s mouth captured my breathy sigh as eager hands dragged down my sides, aiming toward the hem of my skirt to dive under.

Neither one of us heard the leaves part behind Jamie.

“Is this what ye two are always doin’ off in the stables together?”

I’d never been so startled in my life, and before I could think about it much, I’d flung myself out of Jamie’s lap and to the side. As soon as I was free of him, Jamie stood, his kilt hiding the evidence of what I’d felt pressing against my inner thigh seconds ago.

“Janet! What in Christ's name are ye doin’ so far out alone?”

“I was tracking you, brother. Is this why ye asked me to take care of your duties today, so ye could pòg an English woman?”

I had no idea what ‘pog’ was, but even so, my cheeks flushed and I let Jamie do the talking, at a loss.

“Ye followed me? All for chores? And why do ye care who I kiss?”

“Because ever since she’s arrived, ye’ve hardly had time to do anythin’ fully correct. I came here tae tell ye that you’re no’ too old for father to tan your hide, so from now on, I suggest ye do your own chores.”

Finally, Jenny’s gaze turned toward me and I straightened my back a bit. “At least if ye’re to be his shadow and follow him around ye could help.” As she turned to go, she called over her shoulder. “I’m warnin’ ye, Jamie. I have to take over all ye do come end of summer, but I willna begin doing it any earlier.”

Once she was gone, I let out a breath and looked up at Jamie. “You’ve been ignoring your duties for me?”

He was still standing and looked down at me, hands on his hips. “I still do them, just—”

“Not as well as you usually do,” I guessed, knowing I was correct based on what Jenny’d said. “We have time, Jamie.”

“No’ a lot of it before I leave. And ye start nursing school not long after I go,” he griped before reaching out to help me stand.

Holding onto his hands even after I was on my feet, I looked at him earnestly. “Four more years, Jamie. And two of those years, you’ll be able to come see me if you’d like, any time you want,” I assured him with a kiss. “You could help me study,” I suggested with a sweet smile. “You should do all of your work here, Jamie. We’ll have time.”

I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible, but I knew he’d ultimately regret it if he let his work slide to the point of being noticeably shoddy.

“Aye, I ken you’re right,” he acknowledged, kissing my knuckles. “Still. Will ye meet me here tonight?”

I smiled in confusion at him. “Tonight?”

“Back in this spot, after midnight. Everyone will be asleep, Sassenach, and out here, we’ll be alone.”

Now, I swallowed as my mouth went dry and found myself nodding, even as he leaned in to press one more request to my ear. Whatever he had to say, I was helpless to agree in advance.

“Bring your bathin’ suit.”

Next Chapter

[jinterlude]

What A Cliché (Prologue)

↳ story aesthetic made by @today-we-will-survive for the BA’s Summer Content Creator Exchange!

» Pairing(s): Kim Seokjin x OC (female) [feat. the rest of the BTS & OC best friend)

» Genre(s): Parenthood!AU, Veterinary!AU, Business!AU, Enemies turned Lovers Trope, Romance, Friendship, Humor, Fluff, & Slight-Angst

» Keyword for Event: Carnival 

» Warning(s) & Rating: Swearing / PG-13

» Words: 5.2K (5260)

» Summary: When people hear the phrase, “Well that’s a first...” it’s usually because something shocking or amazing has occurred. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case for one Park Sumin. Going from working in an office to visiting the local carnival, she had some rather interesting first experiences. Ranging from trying out some carnival food to questioning her engagement to Lee Seonghwa (AOMG’s Gray), never in her life did she think that she would run into someone her brain had blocked out for years. Can you say a fun filled summer that not only would change her life but his as well. 

◃ Previously | Next Time ▹

Prologue: Meet the New Neighbor

“You know…I have a feeling that you two would make the perfect couple someday…”

“By perfect, you mean that I’d want to kill him every waking moment I can get, right?”

“Nah, my precious little ray of sunshine. I mean that one day, you two will make gorgeous looking children to the point that I’m going to “borrow” one of them to pick up guys.”

A look of utter and complete disbelieve washed over her face as she felt her eye twitch just a smidge from her best friend’s remark.

And just as she opened her mouth to retort, an annoying voice rang in her ears. The one voice she took years of practice to block out him from her memories. Until that evening, she had long forgotten the prick that made her life a living Hell, but fate had an interesting idea of entertainment and unfortunately, she had become the main character of this stupid little sitcom.

God help her…

“You should learn to smile more often, princess! You might land more dates that way!”

“That’s it! Listen here you annoying fucking gnat!”

Eight Hours Earlier…

Letting out yet another long, exasperated sigh, a visibly tired young woman rubbed the sides of her forehead, trying her hardest to not only ignore the unbearable heat that lingered in her office but her rather extra chatty friend. The poor girl had honestly forgotten why she invaded her workplace in the first place. That was how long the rather one-sided conversation had become.

“Okay, Sowon, I love you, but please for the love of God get to the point.” Said the exhausted girl.

A tiny groan escaped Sowon’s lips as she narrowed her eyes onto her friend.

“I did get to my point, Sumin.” She flashed a bright smile further irking Sumin, “Now, I’m just rambling since I noticed you zoned out around the five-minute mark.” She stated, smiling sweetly.

Her bottom lip practically disappeared as Sumin suppressed the growl that brewed in the back of her throat. Did Sowon seriously ramble her ear off just because she tuned her out twenty-minutes ago?

If she had more friends, Sumin would’ve had honestly dropped Sowon years ago but alas, she didn’t. The career driven young woman had no time for herself, let alone go out and meet new people. She had always been like this ever since high school. She dedicated her time to her studies and a few extracurricular activities.

And that was exactly how she liked it.

She had seen her fellow classmates become a social mess. She had witnessed physical fights, loud, obnoxious arguments between love sick individuals, and that only scratched the surface of her high school experience and she gladly kept it that way.

She never dated. She never went to any of the sports games that were played at her school. Shit. She never attended any of her school dances, especially prom. Instead, she researched universities that had the best business program and weighed the pros and cons of attending them.

After days and nights of agonizing over which university to attend to, she finally settled on applying to USC because their business program was on par with those out of the country, and the rest was history.

Now, here she sat in her office chair while Sowon, who she met during her sophomore year of college in biology, stared her down. Her gaze intensified with each passing moment. That was Sowon’s superpower. Sumin didn’t know how Sowon does it, but with just one simple stare, Sumin submitted easily.

And quite frankly, she both despised it yet was thankful for it. It was because of her best friend that she slowly came out of her shell. She actually became more aware of her surroundings.

Go figure?

A few more minutes passed by and tiny whines left her lips as Sumin clutched important documents that contained hypothetical numbers of the projected money flow for the next six months.

“I can keep this up, sunshine.” Sumin heard Sowon taunt. She could practically hear the smugness radiate from her words.

Finally, the poor girl had enough. She slammed the paper down on her desk, unleashing the pent-up frustration that settled in the pit of her stomach.

“Fine! I’ll go to the stupid summer carnival with you! Now, will you please stop staring at me!?” Sumin practically roared, secretly thankful that her office was soundproof.

Sowon smiled proudly as she leaned back in her seat, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Done.”

Meanwhile…in a different part of the city…

Brows knitted together. Tiny drops of sweat trickled down his forehead. The sound of heart rate monitors mixed with his heavy breathing filled the operating room. This bright, luminescence bulb emitted this heat that felt like the sun was directly above the man’s head. However, he didn’t let it deter him from the task at hand. He quickly asked the nurse for his water and took a few sips through the straw before resuming the surgery.

“Sir,” The man heard one of his assistants speak, “Have you thought about the possibility of reconstructive surgery instead of removing the shard fragment?”

The determined man sighed before a small smile appeared on his handsome face.

“I have thought about it, but that would be the effortless way out. This innocent creature doesn’t deserve something that would only complicate her life some more, “He paused, wiping away a bit of sweat from the side of his forehead, “Besides, I think of this a big “fuck you” to that evil, cruel person that could harm a defenseless puppy. I’m going to save her if this is the last thing I do.” He finished with this sense of purpose flowing throughout his veins as he resumed operating on the puppy, praying that he wasn’t too late.

But luckily…

He wasn’t…

It took him the rest of the day to the point that he had his receptionist unfortunately cancel the remaining appointments, but he saved the puppy’s life. The last shard fragment was wedged in an area where one false movement with his knife and tweezers, the puppy would've died right on the operating table. That specific situation had been every veterinarian’s nightmare, but just like with any nightmare, it sometimes fades away and soon replaced with a relaxing dream. A dream where resulted in this state of euphoria and great night’s sleep. That was why he took this job as a veterinarian. He wanted to ensure that the animals that came into his office left with a peaceful state of mind.

And so far, so good. His track record remained spotless. He could now go home with a bright smile knowing that he saved yet another brutally injured animal.

Currently sitting in his office, the tired yet happy veterinarian typed out something in the body of the email message. He muttered a few words as he read his paragraph repeatedly until it sounded right.

The sounds of clicking of the keyboard bounced of the four walls until this knock joined in.

“Come in.” He said quickly.

“Hey, Seokjin!” greeted the stranger cheerfully.

Seokjin’s eyebrows raised as he peeked around his computer monitor. He knew that voice, and that particular voice didn’t usually visit his office unless the person wanted something.

His eyes flickered back to the screen as his fingers resumed typing away, hoping that this email would be sent out before 7 o’clock in the evening.

“What do you want, Jungkook? Can’t you see that I’m busy?”

Jungkook chuckled, shaking his head as he flopped down on the chair in front of his friend’s desk.

“Yeah, I can see that. I’m not blind…well…not yet.”

Seokjin snorted, “I’m honestly surprised that you’re not actually. All those years of playing video games with the lights off,” He pushed up his glasses just a bit, “Guess I wasn’t blessed with a strong eyesight to begin with.” He said; the corners of his mouth turned slightly upwards.

Jungkook playfully clicked his tongue, “Yeah. I guess not,” A short chuckle left his lips, “But, I was wondering if you wanted to come with me and the rest of the fellas to the summer carnival that’s currently in town?” He asked, flashing Seokjin an overly sweetly smile combined with his signature innocent, charming gaze. One gaze like that and his older friends were practically putty in his hands. It came in handy during their high school years. Well…up until his sophomore year…his friends graduated one by one, so he had no one left to use it on.

Sad day in the life that was Jeon Jungkook.

“You do realize that this isn’t high school, and I’m not this 18-year-old teen that you can easily manipulate, Kook.” Seokjin stated bluntly, fully aware of his purely innocent “stare”. He didn’t even to peer over his computer screen to know. Jungkook’s tone of voice gave it away.

Though, that didn’t deter the young lad. It was rare for all seven of them to be in town for the summer, so he wanted to cherish it. As soon as Seokjin graduated high school, everyone just went their separate ways. Sure, they had their group chat that had constant activity whether it was from someone sending random memes or simply asking how their day was. But it just wasn’t the same.

Even though his friends didn’t know this, Jungkook needed them. He couldn’t quite establish a bond that matched the one he shared with Seokjin and the rest of his little motley crew.

They were definitely one of a kind…

“What’s with that smile, Kook? Last time you smiled like that it was because you found a lamb skewer stand with Yoongi.” Seokjin’s voice forcibly pulled Jungkook out of his peaceful thoughts.

“Oh, this smile?” He pointed at his lips, “It’s nothing…say…when is that little ray of sunshine coming by?” Jungkook asked vaguely, drawing out his sentence.

Seokjin hummed in response as his eyes scanned the last remaining sentences of his email. He could see the light at the end of the tunnel.

“Oh, according to her mother, she’s dropping off Areum this evening,” He quickly checks his phone, scrolling through his messages from his ex-wife, “Around 9 o’clock in the evening.” He announced, locking his phone once again.

Jungkook gasped; his eyes beamed from excitement. This was perfect. He and friends could spend a few hours at the carnival and then hang out with their “niece”.

“So, you’re telling me that you have time for the carnival?”

“I guess I am Kook…”

“Perfect! I’ll let the fellas know!”

“Don’t let me regret this…”

“When I have ever done something that you’d regret?”

“I can name a few things…”

At the Summer Carnival – 7 o’clock in the evening

Walking down the busy row of stands, Sumin’s eyes remained glued on her phone. Her brows furrowed as her thumb scrolled up while she read the contents of an email that she had received minutes before arriving to the carnival. Soft mutters left her lips as she homed in on an incredibly important section of the email. She reread the same two sentences twice before this unsettling, heavy sensation settled within the pit of her stomach.

The color practically drained from her face. Her breath hitched. She halted in her steps, ignoring the grumbles of the many bystanders that were forced to go around her.

A low groan escaped her as she immediately locked her phone and shoved it in her back pocket. Did she really want to be at this stupid carnival? She needed to be back in the office and working on soothing this rather extreme angry client, that was “miraculously” bestowed upon her thanks to her supervisor. Why was she even here again?

“Sumin! Check out this stand, they have those churros that you’re basically obsessed with!” She heard Sowon shout with glee, waving her arms sporadically.

Oh…

That was right…

She was here because of her dearest friend…

“I think I’m going to call it, Sowon. I have to get up pretty early tomorrow, and—”

“No ‘and’. I know that look on your face, my little sunshine, and I’m not completely oblivious. I saw you on your phone and your eyes widened with each passing second.” Sowon interrupted, leaving her spot in the line and walking up to her completely distressed friend, “Which means in the world of Sumin, you’re extremely stressed and about to leave this relaxing sister-date to head back to the office and work on something that can honestly wait until tomorrow morning.” Sowon finished, smiling brightly. “Did I hit it right on the nail, my soft princess?” She added; her smile grew wider.

Sumin made a face; her eyes narrowed on her smug friend.

“I hate it when you do that…”

“I know you do…”

Meanwhile, while one crisis was averted, on the other side of the carnival, two fellas bickered over the last game ticket while their mutual friends watched both sides make excellent arguments on why he deserved the last game ticket. The only thing they missed, to make this verbal battle amusing, was some carnival snacks.

Stuffing his hands in the pockets of his black jacket, a gentleman with black-rimmed glasses and faded silver hair – that was swooped to the right – leaned against the wall; an amused smile painted his lips.

“Are you going to stop them, Namjoon?” asked a young man with chestnut brown hair. His eyes sparkled with such innocence that many people forget that he was indeed in his mid-twenties.

“Nah. They’re fine Jimin. Besides, remember the last time we intervened on an infamous Seokjin-Jungkook argument?” Namjoon replied, shooting Jimin a knowing look. But just as Jimin opened his mouth to answer, someone else beat him to the punch.

“Oh, that was a fun evening!” shouted a cheery voice; a few chuckles escaped him. “They turned their wrath onto us, and even told Yoongi to shut up.” A sigh of content left his lips this time as he folded his hands and rested his head against the palms, “What a memorable evening.”

Namjoon nodded in agreement as he turned his attention towards a paler looking fella.

“I was honestly surprised that Jungkook told you to shut up, Yoongs.”

Yoongi pried one eye open, having checked out of Jungkook’s and Seokjin’s marital bickering thirty minutes prior.

With a lazy voice, he said, “That boy is lucky for not fearing me.”

“After being friends with you for so long, none of us fear you, my dude.” Chimed in the same cheery voice that spoke earlier.

“Hm. I guess I’m losing my charm, Hoseok.” Yoongi shrugged, shutting his eyes closed again. One of the many “joys” of being your own boss. He didn’t have a set work shift.

Hoseok beamed; his smile could light up any dark alleyway, before adverting his attention back to Seokjin and Jungkook, who still refused to back down.

Two hours had passed and not only did the bickering duo slowly ran out of the counterarguments, but their friends were extremely bored and wanted to enjoy what was left of the carnival.

Finally fed up, Namjoon pushed off from the wall and then walked up to Seokjin and Jungkook, pulling out his wallet as he closed the gap between their bodies.

“Tell you what,” He began fishing out a few bills, “Take my money and buy you guys some more damn tickets, so you guys can finally shut the fuck up.” Namjoon stated bluntly before slapping the bills in both Seokjin’s and Jungkook’s hands, knowingly hurting them in the process. He then walked away from them, gesturing for their buddies to follow him.

They were determined to enjoy the carnival before it closed for the night.

As their closest friends walked away, slowly disappearing from their line of sight, the squabbling duo turned to each other; this mischievous gleam sparkled in their eyes accompanied with this scheming smirk.

“That took longer than expected.” Jungkook laughed, flinging an arm around Seokjin’s broad shoulders.

Seokjin chuckled in response as he allowed Jungkook to direct him to the nearest game stand.

“I know, right? We must be losing our touch since before, Namjoon usually settled our “arguments” in less than an hour.” He stated as his eyes scanned the prizes at the booth. His lips pursed while his brows became knitted together as Seokjin contemplated which prize would Areum love the most.

This faint hum exited his lips as his eyes drifted between a huge stuffed alpaca and a huge stuffed panda bear. Then, after much deliberation, he finally settled on the alpaca since she loved to remind him that whenever he ate, he looked like a happy alpaca, especially whenever he munched on a salad. He could honestly hear her faint giggles in the back of his mind.

God, he would do anything for his daughter. She had him wrapped around her dainty pinky finger.

With a determined smile, he slammed down a few dollar bills and waited to be handed some darts.

“Alright, prepare to be amazed, Kook.”

Back with the ladies, who now held onto plates with delicious carnival food, they journeyed towards the exit, talking about everything and anything that came to mind. Ranging from the topic of their love lives – or lack thereof – to the ever so fun work politics that occurred during their daily lives. However, the most popular topic was their time in high school. While, yes, they went to two different schools, they loved hearing about the other’s experience. Hearing such stories made the other feel like she was there as well.

“So, whatever happened to the guy that stupidly stood you up at homecoming, Sowon?”

“Beats me. All I know is that he asked for me at my school’s little reunion event. From what an old friend told me, the way he asked was very creepy. Borderline stalkerish if you ask me.”

Sumin shuddered, “Things like that makes me glad that I didn’t have a social life in high school.”

Sowon chuckled softly as she quickly tossed her empty, Styrofoam plate and jogged back to Sumin.

“Yeah, but it is because of said social life that I know who my loyal friends are and know how to handle myself in certain situations.” She pointed out with a knowing gleam in her eyes.

Sumin rolled her eyes in response, signaling Sowon that she had won that argument.

“Let’s get you home, princess. I believe it is passed your bedtime.”

“What are you? My mom?”

“I might as well be, Min.”

Sowon then flung her arms around Sumin’s shoulders as the two ladies head for Sowon’s car and begin their journey to Sumin’s place.

Faint muffles filled the spacious car as flashes of light illuminated the darkness every other minute. Resting her chin on the palm of her hand, Sumin stared absentmindedly out the window; her eyes focused on the happy couples. Each face painted with the brightest and most loving smile ever to grace them.

Soon, a soft sigh escaped her as she pried her eyes away from the window. Though, while she no longer saw them, her mind was filled with thoughts of them. Thoughts of envy? Longing? That had been yet to be determined.

Which was strange to her as for the obvious fact that she too was in a relationship.

But…

“I just now realized that you are not wearing your luxurious engagement ring that Seonghwa gave you, Min.” Sowon’s voice broke into her cloudy thoughts.

Sumin’s eyes trailed down, landing on her empty left ring finger.

“I knew I forgot something.” She lied, faking a playful smile.

But Sowon knew better.

“Is everything alright?” She asked as she slowed the car to stop as the traffic light went from yellow to red.

Sounds of the turn signal cut through the awkward silence. Sumin hoped that the light would turn green so that she’d be closer to home but alas, it wasn’t the case. This was a timed light, and the timing of it was abnormally long for a traffic light.

She could stall, but that would only annoy Sowon, so why should Sumin even try? Her closest and dearest friend wasn’t stupid. If anything, she wouldn’t be surprised if Sowon knew that she was thinking of backing out of the wedding.

“Do I want to get married, Sowon?” asked Sumin, phrasing her question a bit oddly.

Sowon raised a brow as she shifted her foot from the brake pedal to the gas pedal, lightly pressing as she turned on to the street where Sumin’s house resided at. A house where she lived with her doting fiancé.

The poor girl looked unsure how to answer such a question. If it was a question that asked her if she wanted to get married, then the answer would be plain and simple. No. No she didn’t want to get married or at least, not right now. She so much desired to live her twenties to the fullest. Then, once it was time, she would gladly settle down with the right person.

And yet with Sumin? Sowon was quite surprised that she was having doubts. Out of the two them, Sumin would be happily married first with kiddos running amuck and then Aunty Sowon would help wrangle them and/or create more chaos for their parents.

But with this sudden 180, Sowon grew even more confused.

Did she have to kill Seonghwa? Because she totally would. No one was allowed to hurt Sumin under her watch.

No one.

Pursing her lips, Sowon hummed in response, as she pulled up to Sumin’s driveway, where both Sumin’s and her fiancé’s car were currently parked.

Before finally answering, Sowon killed the engine, and the two girls now sat in complete and utter silence.

“Alright, to answer your question, I know that you want to get married, however, is it to Seonghwa? Only you can answer that, love. But you did say yes to him for a reason, so that has to mean something, right?”

Sumin sighed heavily; her shoulders slumped just a bit.

“I did, I mean don’t get me wrong, I do love him with all my heart but—”

“But you don't know if it’s enough to meet him at the altar, correct?”

Instead of answering, Sumin gave Sowon a thumb’s up before exiting the vehicle and as she stepped out, a car pulled up to her neighbor’s driveway. A neighbor who she had never seen since their schedules always had them missing one another by a split second, so this was a first. Well, overall, this night was filled with firsts, so this wasn’t too much of a shock factor.

Seconds later, Sowon too exited the vehicle, shutting the door and alarming it. She then leaned against the door; curiosity slowly bested her as she noticed Sumin’s body language tense just a smidge.

“You alright there, sunshine?!” She hollered, cupping her mouth, though, she didn’t have to do that since they were not that far away from each other.

However, she received no response from Sumin for a good minute or two.

Until…

“YOU!!”

“YOU!!”

Two voices shouted simultaneously.

Alarmed, Sumin’s fiancé came running out of the house dawning his work clothes still.

“Are you okay, honey?” he asked, closing the gap between their bodies, as he gently rested his hand on her lower back.

“Yeah, I’m fine, Seonghwa. I just got startled by a familiar face is all.” She lied flawlessly, smiling sweetly.

Seonghwa hummed in response, not fully believing her, but he knew it was best to drop it.

“Okay. I’m gonna head back inside and finish up this project. Holler if you need me, okay, love?” He said, pressing a sweet kiss on her temple before disappearing inside the house.

The second she heard the door shut, Sumin’s sweet demeanor melted away and was soon replaced with the fiery rage that engulfed her body and soul moments prior.

“Wow. I’m amazed. You actually tricked someone into dating your strange self,” The intruder began applauding slowly with a sarcastic smile etched on his face, “I’m completely inspired by your story now.” He added, further taunting poor Sumin.

Sowon raised her brow, slowly going into defensive mode but held back as she wanted to see more of their reactions. In her life of knowing Sumin, Sowon only ever saw her little sunshine become this spitfire with her only. So, who the Hell was this handsome gentleman that easily riled her soft princess up?

She had to find out.

And maybe…just maybe…he might be the answer to Sumin’s tricky question.

A low – almost animalistic – growl escaped Sumin’s lips as she stomped over to her neighbor; their chests practically touched each other.

“Listen here, Seokjin—”

“I’m sorry. Can you repeat that? You might have to speak up, short stuff.” Seokjin cupped his ear as he leaned downwards; their noses merely inches away from bumping into each other.

Sumin’s jaw clenched and through gritted teeth, she said, well shouted,

“Can you hear me now, huh, you prick?!”

Seokjin groaned, jolting his body away, as he rubbed his poor ear while this ringing sensation echoed throughout his now muddled mind.

Damn that woman had a pair of lungs on her.

“I think you busted my eardrum…!”

“Well, that’s what you get for standing so incredibly close to me, dumbass!”

Tensions arose between the two as their blood slowly came to a boil. Seokjin and Sumin had history. A rather long history that remained in the archives until this evening.

Again, a night filled with firsts.

Just as Seokjin opened his mouth to retaliate, a laughter cut him off. He was secretly glad that someone else intervened. He honestly didn’t have to time to entertain the spitfire that stood courageously in front of him. His daughter was to arrive at any moment.

The last thing he wanted his six-year-old to see was him shouting at a woman.

“You know, we got to work on you playing nice with others, Sumin.” Chimed in Sowon as she walked up to the pair and rested an arm on Sumin’s shoulder.

“And may I ask who you are?” Seokjin questioned, looking a bit unimpressed.

Sowon held out her hand and quickly introduced herself, shaking Seokjin’s hand with her signature thousand-watt smile.

“Ah, and how do you know the pain in the ass?”

“I can ask you the same thing, Jinnie boy.”

“Jinnie boy?” He questioned, directing it more towards Sumin.

Sumin simply shrugged, “Just go with it.”

“Well, I’ve known her since middle school believe it or not.”

Sowon raised her brow; her eyes roamed all over his body as if she tried to decipher his hidden secrets.

“Interesting. Well, as much as I’d like to continue this conversation, I don’t,” She then turned Sumin around, “Time for bed, Min.” She stated firmly before guiding them both back to Sumin’s house, leaving behind a flabbergasted Seokjin.

“You know…I have a feeling that you two would make the perfect couple someday…” teased the taller woman as they crossed the threshold between Sumin’s house and Seokjin’s house.

Sumin grimaced, nearly wanting to gag, “By perfect, you mean that I’d want to kill him every waking moment I can get, right?”

“Nah, my precious little ray of sunshine. I mean that one day, you two will make gorgeous looking children to the point that I’m going to “borrow” one of them to pick up guys.” Sowon clarified, grinning from ear to ear.

A look of utter and complete disbelieve washed over her face as she felt her eye twitch just a smidge from her best friend’s remark.

And just as she opened her mouth to retort, an annoying voice rang in her ears. The one voice she took years of practice to block out him from her memories. Until that evening, she had long forgotten the prick that made her life a living Hell, but fate had an interesting idea of entertainment and unfortunately, she had become the main character of this stupid little sitcom.

God help her…

“You should learn to smile more often, princess! You might land more dates that way!”

“That’s it! Listen here you annoying fucking gnat!”

However, before Sumin could storm over to Seokjin again, Sowon blocked her path.

“Alright, young lady, someone’s getting cranky. You march to your room and tell Seonghwa that you want to cuddle.”

“But!”

“March!”

Sumin frowned before submitting to her friend, of course, muttering a few profanities as she stomped up the stairs that led to the front door.

Once Sumin was inside, Sowon waited a few seconds before walking up to Seokjin, who appeared to be texting someone.

“So, how do you truly feel about Sumin?”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

Seokjin’s face remained blank, “I tolerate her existence. Why?”

“I asked how you truly feel about her, not lie about it.” Sowon stated, shooting him a knowing look.

Seokjin, on the other hand, grew unsure. What did she mean, exactly?

“Sleep on it.” Sowon suggested before walking to her car and finally head home for herself.

Seokjin watched the strange woman drive out of his neighborhood. Her words repeated in his mind. He was almost certain that he just tolerated Sumin’s existence. Sure, there had been a time in his life that he harbored romantic feelings for her, but he had been long married since then. Well, now divorced, but that was beside the point.

It was through that marriage that he had Areum. The light of his life.

Yeah, he didn’t need any other leading lady in his life.

Right?

Before he could fully dive into those thoughts, a bright light nearly blinded him followed by this obnoxious honking.

“Dad!” shouted a voice. A voice Seokjin knew all too well. The same voice that easily brought a smile to his face.

“Areum!” He greeted back; his face practically beamed. He happily waved as the car came to a stop and this little girl came running out of the backseat and towards him.

Seokjin knelt down, ready for the biggest hug ever. And just as she slammed into him, he protectively wrapped his arms around her petite body as the two fell onto the grass.

“Remember to behave for your dad, Areum!” chuckled an older woman, shaking her head as she walked up to the loving duo with a tiny suitcase.

“I will mommy.” Areum smiled as she became smothered with Seokjin’s fatherly kisses.

“Yeah, don’t worry Eunji, our little girl is an angel.”

“Whatever you say, Seokjin. By the way, did you know that our old friend Sumin lived right next door to you?”

Seokjin instantly became alarmed. How did his ex-wife know that? So, naturally, he asked.

Eunji laughed softly, “Just because you had a falling out with her, doesn’t mean that I did, so I saw it on her social media account that she moved to that house.”

“And you didn’t tell me this while I was looking for a place to live because?”

“Because I love seeing you make a fool of yourself in front of her.”

But before Seokjin could say something, refuting his ex-wife’s claims, Eunji had entered her car and clicked on her seatbelt. Then, he saw the reverse lights turn on and watched her pull out of his driveway.

She was always an interesting woman…

“Why is your mom weird?”

“I don’t know, probably for the same reason as to why she called you coward on our way here, daddy?”

“She what, now?”

A/N: I am back! Cue the fanfare and confetti canon! I’m honestly both surprised and proud of myself for not only picking up writing again but starting another series (low key crying because Our Second Chance isn���t done yet, but I am working on it LOL)! At first, I wanted to take the word carnival and incorporate the movie Sandlot and A League of Their Own into it, but sadly, I hit a bad writers’ block, so I just scrapped that idea completely and with the help of @softjeon who helped me with some overall story ideas, this came to be! Plus, it helps that in BTS World, Seokjin’s another story line is so cute, especially with the little girl (who of course makes an appearance as his daughter in this short series <3) being kind of hard to please. Yes, make Jinnie work for it! 

But anyway, as of right now, I don’t have a set schedule for this as I like to write whenever I have both the time and inspiration but knowing me, I’ll start releasing updates over the course of Autumn/Winter along with the last chapters of Our Second Chance! 

Don’t forget to leave a like/reblog/comment/ask in my inbox! I love hearing your thoughts! :)

- Kim

[fcnna]

❝ Even if you are a small forest surviving off of moon alone: your light is extraordinary. ❞ MILENA TSCHARNTKE? No, that’s actually FENNA VAN DEN BERG. A SIXTH YEAR student, this HUFFLEPUFF student is sided with THE NEUTRALS. SHE/THEY identifies as GENDERQUEER and is a MUGGLEBORN who is known to be FICKLE, ESCAPIST and DISTANT, but also ARTISTIC, STEADY and INDEPENDENT.

LINKS: stats, pinboard, character tag. CHARACTER PARALLELS: susanna kaysen (girl, interrupted), chidi anagonye (the good place), pam halpert (the office), riley blue (sense8) HELLO gang, so this is a rewrite/repost of my old intro. fenna is now sixteen, not twenty six, and she’s a puff rather than a beauxbatons graduate. some of this will be the same, some will not! yeet!

history

fenna is born to a dutch family in the city of utrecht as the youngest of three. her family is a rich one --- one of the richest, actually. they’re ambitious and cunning and success and reputation are words that fenna is all too familiar with growing up. there is no room for oddities or rebellion or putting a toe out of line and fenna doesn’t mind. they’re good at rules and doing what is expected and falling in line, anyways. it’s safe. it’s easy.

her father has to go abroad for work. a lot. germany, france, belgium, the uk ... he’s more away from home than he’s not. when the company he works for (or, well, partly owns, really) has a great opportunity to become even more global, he drags his family with him to england, where they settle in manchester. it’s an exciting thing, to move across europe when you’re seven, but a sad one, too. fenna says goodbye to all their friends and teachers and weeps in the car and refuses to learn english.

they do learn, eventually. fenna doesn’t have much of a choice, as they attend muggle private school. and once they know their way around the language, they do well in school. unaware of the fact that they’re a wix, there’s a lot of pressure on their shoulders and they work hard, their focus iron-like, their wish to please their parents great. but in moments of stress, their magic shows --- and fenna is scared of it. fenna does not tell their parents, out of fear of disapproval and raised eyebrows, not wanting to admit that this is something real in the first place. in stead, they get the best grades and play the piano and keep their worries locked in their heart. magic isn’t real.

and yet, the truth comes out one day. fenna is a witch, they’re all told, and it’s a shock. they are to go to a school in scotland and study magic there. it’s a shock. it’s like a bomb goes off in their home. but here’s the thing --- their parents didn’t stop loving them. and yet, something did change in the way she was loved, and fenna -- quiet and observant -- noticed it all too well.

because here’s the thing --- when you’re a witch, you can’t go to one of the top universities in the uk and become a doctor or lawyer or politician, you can’t fill the mold that comes with being a van den berg, you can’t, you can’t, you can’t. and that was what life was all about for fenna up until now, and what it is still all about for their family, and suddenly for them, that was over. so things changed. slowly but surely and eventually disastrously ( but we’re not there yet ).

so fenna was off to this boarding school, with their eyes wide open and their heart hammering. from day one, a wedge started growing between them and their family. whether it was disapproval, insecurities or the distance that forced it, no one really knows --- but it was there, from the beginning, and only grew bigger. meanwhile fenna did find themselves at hogwarts, falling in love with magic and the feeling of control they got when spells went right. the pressure was off from her family ---- what did they care if they succeeded in magic? it’d not mean anything in the muggle world. doing well at hogwarts was something fenna did for themselves and yes, that still made them stressed and anxious and the pressure was still there, but it had lessened, changed.

fenna started sending less owls to home. they and their family grew apart more and while that happened, they found something called independence and that it came quite easily to them. fenna learned what living for themselves was. they learned that, damn it, there were no dreams for great successes in law or politics living inside of them. there was a passion for art, though, for all kinds of it. painting especially, was what they fell in love with.

queerphobia tw / after her fifth year, fenna had grown into an independent, but solitary person. their art had become better, their passions grown bigger, their relationship with their parents as fragile as a bomb. fenna spent the summer at home, trying to see what was wrong, what was happening with them and their parents. in the end, they decided that something was just horribly wrong. their parents were no monsters, but they struggled with fenna’s magic, and their wishes to become an artist, with their gender and sexuality, with everything, really. there were fights. there were disagreements. fenna felt terrible, being home, and longed for the end of summer, for a return to hogwarts, for a place to feel at damn home end of tw

it was just hard, with their family. there was never any real confrontational harsh destruction, never a moment of outspoken disapproval or disappointment. everything was kept in the shadows. in their home, there was no room for honesty, and if there was, it was like a bomb exploding, with everything coming out. it was suffocating. fenna couldn’t do it any more.

i do think that this moment during summer break was significant. it was a push for fenna to grow more serious about their passions. they want to go to art school, want to do what they want to do, because they know that they will never be happy doing what their parents want from them. they’re ready for the world, to chase their dreams --- i mean, it’s utterly terrifying, but fenna is finally daring to think about a future in the arts, rather than a future with more stability, one that fit in the image they always had of their own future.

and then they return to hogwarts and the war breaks out. the war is ... well, it’s fucking terrifying, frankly. fenna is no fighter, they know that. they’re no good with dueling or offensive spells. they’re no good in any of this, frankly ---- fenna craves control in everything in their lives and they dont have that with this war, especially as it does target people like them. for now, they are neutral, cowardly hiding in the shadows. they know that there’s things to do, that there should be things she could do, that she should not hide in fear but --- how do you not do that, if that is your instinct? 

personality & ramblings

meet fenna --- your local tortured artist! sad pal, with a good heart but a lot of insecurities and doubts clouding it. i’m going to try and just summarise their general personality here!!

fenna is first and foremost independent. they don’t rely on anyone but themselves, and like it that way. they don’t feel independent, they feel absolutely bloody lost, but they are. this partly comes from the fact that they like to feel in control and at this point, they do hold a lot of the reigns when it comes to stuff in her life? they also rly like things that are logical because of this, like maths and arithmancy and potions

fenna is ... both incredibly emotional and completely rigid? in their private time, they cry and rage easily, but to the outside world they’re definitely quite composed and rigid. fenna is good at pretense and masks and not showing all that is going on.

as a friend, they’re nurturing and kind and always down for a spontaneous night of shenanigans. doesn’t like DANGER but does like shenanigans.

idk i can go on for forever theyre such a mess

nsfw / fenna’s genderqueer/femme. they use both she/her and they/them pronouns --- it depends on how they’re feeling, but also who they’re with, tbh. they’re pansexual/panromantic and very easy when it comes to sex. puts the ho in art ho! nah but for real they sleep around and they don’t think much of it at all tbh, sex is fun and it relaxes her and it’s a good time for everyone involved / end

oof such a romantic, deep down. just aesthetic wise for sure, but also ... fenna does love like, jane austen and the bronte sisters and old romance novels and shitty romcoms and ahhhh. does believe in true love but ? have they given it a shot? really? not rly. too afraid of it.

also, def has some stereotypical muggleborn stuff going on. never used quills, thinks the wizarding world is a mess always, etc. they also love muggle culture in general and is addicted to netflix tbh. VERY MAD ABOUT THE PHONE BAN! they miss pinterest and netflix big time.

depression & anxiety tw / fenna is depressed & has general anxiety disorder. both are undiagnosed at the moment, as they don’t really . understand that something might be going on, or rather are in denial about it. i mean, to a certain extent they know that something’s not right, but they don’t want to take any steps to find help, because they downplay it Big Time in their mind. the war is definitely contributing to all this. end of tw.

honestly they just want to move the fuck away from this war, either back to the netherlands. they dont! like! this! war.

i could see them joining the MA, somewhere along the line? but rn fenna just. likes sitting in their corner. escaping from this shitty reality. smoking some pot. painting some shit. ignoring the reality of the world. 

ALSO I RLY STRUGGLED W THEIR HOUSE BC LIKE FENNA WOULD DO SO WELL IN RAVENCLAW BUT! I THINK THEY WORK WELL AS A PUFF BC IF YOURE THEIR FRIEND THEY ARE SO LOYAL! AND THEY DONT MIND HARD WORK when its GOOD work and also theyre just. a nice person. 

[fictional-worlds-are-exquisite]

parents saying shit like ‘my kid wants to be blah blah but they’re just not smart enough’ gets me so mad honestly

when i was little and we started learning multiplication timetables, i struggled so much, i just couldn’t keep up with the other kids and i was falling behind. my mum made me flashcards with something like 3x6 on one side and 18 on the other, there were flashcards from all multiplication possibilities from 1-12, my parents helped me practise with them every day after school. I started to have fun, actually. when we did ‘basic facts’ tests in class that featured maths, including multiplication, division, addition and subtraction, i wasn’t very good at first. a year or so later (we did this at pretty much every year level at primary school) I was the fastest and most accurate in the class. I think my record was like 100 questions correct in 1 minute 30? But I also have vague memories of trying to get below 1 minute 10 so it’s possible I did better at an older age. 

when we learnt more complicated maths i never once understood any of it all the way through primary school. my parents tried to help and i learnt some of it but it just wasn’t working. the teacher wanted us to use all these weird methods to solve problems and my brain wasn’t going with them. basic facts tests were the only kind of maths tests i was good at, and that wasn’t much to brag about going into high school.

in high school a teacher told me a fraction is just division, top divided by the bottom. i CLICKED and i started understanding all this stuff, fractions were one of the things that had stuffed me up throughout primary school but suddenly i got it. every time a new concept was introduced i usually needed some extra help from the teacher, and this didn’t change throughout high school. I always asked the most questions and probably needed the most help. I didn’t understand all the homework and I’d bring it in to the teacher the next day to get help. Sometimes I made appointments with them especially for help. I’ll tell you what, I was often near top of the class and I think actually top of the class once. I got a reputation as being smart. I wasn’t, really, I struggled so much but I was determined. And I started to love maths, it had formulas and a certain way of doing things and if you did that you’d get the right answer. It was cool. 

I went on to do calculus at high school and love that too, even when the teacher for it was utter shit and didn’t help, he barely taught. I learnt how to teach myself and i WOULD ask for help even if it took an argument for him to actually teach me properly. I just came a long way on that path. I was always behind everyone else but I always pushed my way ahead each time. It was work and I loved it. I could’ve gone into a maths career, I have no doubt I’m determined enough to take that path. I didn’t, but it was a choice. Maths did become more fun and relaxing to me than anything else though so it’s more something to enjoy now.

SCIENCE. I never did science in my 8 years at primary school. one time a substitute teacher put a nail in some coke or something and we observed what happened but other than that? Nah. my best friend at high school? Didn’t really do science. Her parents were quite religious and well, evolution isn’t really their thing. We were pretty much matched on knowledge there. We both got asked to skip a year in science because we showed the potential to, along with 3 other girls from another school that had taught science. We all accepted. One of the girls from the other school got top of the class once or twice, my best friend got placed sometimes too, I never did but was getting top marks for everything theory-based, I just struggled when it came to practical experiments. It was a bizarre trip but one of my favourite things I got to do at high school.

I always got top of class in history and before that I tended to get placed in global and local studies aka social sciences or whatever you call it. Never did history at primary school, never did geography, never did any of that. Have I mentioned I went to a shitty primary school? i did lmao. We got taught a solid schedule of english, maths and P.E. there. it was all new to me whereas everyone not from my school seemed to catch on quickly. 

I’m not here to brag about my marks, the point of this is I was given the right resources or the right teachers suddenly and that changed everything. I never got top marks for anything at primary school, I wasn’t ‘smart’ there. At award ceremonies I think I got maybe 2 awards total? (keeping in mind it was a small school and there were more awards than kids sjdfhdf). I normally got at least 2 things each year in high school. 

if you think your kid isn’t smart enough to do a certain career, maybe you should be thinking about how you can help them improve to get there. in my experience, i’ve learnt that if I’m determined and stubborn enough to do it, I’ve always been able to WITH the help of the people around me. like my parents. maybe they won’t get there in the end but I’m telling you, you cannot decide that for them. 

[cyanpeacock]

Realtalk(tm): The Continued Brainprocessing of Fucky Shit

it’s a long one boys but they all are atm

like jinkies scoob i have been Avoiding So Much with les drogues. avoiding so much like, wow, shit, I Feel So Empty Around People Who Were In My Life. but yes, very necessary to dissociate from this shit for a period while i adjusted to the possibility of, oh, wait, this really is My Apartment? this... i can Live Here without being Disturbed or Attacked? still adjusting. but without les drogues this time.

im continually coming to terms with like... ok, so, i have been and sometimes still like... engage in emotionally and physically abusive behaviour towards my own body, and to other bodies around me? 

and also, i am coming to terms with, this does not strictly mean i am An Abuser Forever full stop (i.e. Bad Person, Irredeemable, Disgusting, Abhorrent, Should Be Euthanised, etc).

this is reflective of, emotional and physical abuse has been so normalised to me as a young individual, that i have been repeating patterns of behaviour i saw routinely growing up, not even understanding why that kind of behaviour is hurtful or how i could do stuff differently. and that kind of makes me go, oh shit. dude, what the hell? that’s... that’s actually, yeah, that’s one fucked up upbringing. it really Was that bad. 

even regarding like The Voices In My Head(tm), my reaction historically was just like, scream at them? yell at them? injure the body somehow until they shut up or it passes out? 

which, uh, oh. that’s totally what my mother did when i was displaying “unreasonable” or “irrational” emotions as a small thing. rejecting then snapping then shouting then smacking until i either ran away to cry alone and injure myself more (emotional abandonment; reenacting and normalizing physical punishment) or went very numb and quiet and compliant like a Good Child (dissociative reaction/freezing; fawning). 

now like i am aware of these structures and this history Right Now. but still frequently i do get into the old frame of mind where it’s like, “you’re being stupid. you’re overreacting. you’re being melodramatic. Other People Have It Worse. Just Don’t Think About It” which, yeah, that’s introjected from a number of adult figures in my life. very very unhelpful, but when you’re a kid, you’re looking to adults for structures to implement to help you navigate your own life. when those adults are emotionally unhealthy... Yeah. this happens.

and right now, i’m like, uh, what the hell? it’s not a dick measuring contest, you’re telling a kid in pain that they’re not allowed to express their pain?

like i’ve talked abt this before probably but it’s an incident that reminds me how fucked up the whole situation was and is. when my school found out i was self harming in like y7 (so like, 11-12yo), because i’d cut so far down my PE shorts didn’t cover the marks, my PE teacher legally had to get the school to call home. and like, i fucking Begged her, please don’t, a call home is gonna make things SO much worse for me. but ofc the law is the law especially when it comes to teaching, and the call home got made. and later that evening my mother bust into my room with NO warning and fucking screamed at me, “You Selfish Little Cow.” 

like i went numb as hell. i don’t really remember clearly what she said after that but it was a whole tirade. stuff about how i was a brat and going to get her in trouble with social services and how i was ruining the family (implicitly, her life) and causing trouble, and how i ought to Think About What I’d Done. i was thinking/feeling, oh my god, she’s beating me again. i’ve ruined everything for everyone again. this is all my fault. i’m responsible, i’m the one to blame, i should have hidden it better. i’m not allowed to talk. i’m not allowed to feel. i’m supposed to be Quiet and Good and Do School and Not Annoy Anyone and Behave. i’ve failed. i am a failure. I Am A Selfish Little Cow. 

i think i tried to commit after she left? but like, in that way where you’re so numb and out of it you can’t actually physically pull together the methods, despite the mind wanting No More. 

and like i’ve been going to visit the woman that DID THAT TO ME. smiling and telling her about my life while Really Fucking Avoiding Telling Her Any Details About My Life. hesitating in pain and then adding “xx” to the end of the text messages i felt like i was obliged to send her. trying to convince myself “she’s my mum, i’m not gonna get another one, i should call her, it’s not so bad, we can talk about... uh, talk about politics, or religion, or, uh, her dog, or my siblings...” COMPLETELY fucking avoiding the fact that, like. this is the Same Person who caused me all that pain, and i don’t feel safe or secure talking to her about important details of my life, or my emotions, or, well, me. i hide and go Nothing Is Wrong! :) I’m Doing Fine! :) 

and! it really does seem like she’s not, you know, as cruel as she was with me, with her other children, at least since after i ran away. but no amount of that can actually change MY memories of growing up with her? my more-or-less programmed Make Her Happy reaction to her physical body? i can’t just, you know, conveniently forget those Things that Hurt Me to engage with her for her happiness. because, well, Her Happiness is not My Happiness, although i was lead to believe that was so. and, when i’m Conveniently Forgetting those things (i.e. my emotions at the hands of an abusive relative), i’m not behaving with the proper regard for myself as a person, and by extension i’m missing pieces of how to properly engage with other people. 

i don’t wanna like, mask the in between spaces of utter dread and anxiety and total blankness with Everything Is Totally Fine. I Am Functioning. Yes I Did Well In School This Year. That’s All That Matters. What Have I Been Doing? Oh You Know. The Usual. (without ever saying what The Usual is, because, yeah, when i’m in that Mode, i don’t fucking know what i do at home! idk how i spend my time! My Function Is To Avoid Conflict). 

because, uh, yeah, academically, sure! i am functioning, sort of! bodily? uh, well, i’m SLOWLY learning how to properly feed myself, and sleep without chemicals, and stay clean, stuff like that. socially? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. okay, fuck. that’s the one i can’t... figure out, like, at all, on my own. how do i... where the fuck do I even start? i’m not even okay enough with Myself to navigate the social world without passing inappropriate judgement on potential peers. i see people who might, Might, be friends, and my brain goes POTENTIAL THREAT REGISTERED. SELF: SIGHTED. ACTION: HIDE. DO NOT APPROACH. FLEE IF CONTACT INITIATED. 

SO LIKE. my issue now is, i totally know that like... these patterns of behaviour are not My Fault, don’t make me Useless, Bad, Bratty etc, if i sit down and write about it, frowning on-and-off for hours. but, i can’t actually implement these regulatory thought processes in realtime quickly enough to... meet new people and enjoy it? on like, a social level? even on a professional level i have to wait for a good day, and switch off like, chunks of me to get the Task Completed. and uh, talking to friends isn’t a Task process, it’s supposed to be a Leisure process?

i’m quite capable of filling my time and navigating the world quietly, alone! there is a surprising amount i can find to do. but hypothetically i’d really like to, like, meet people, and not talk about “haha dude I’m so sick right now. let’s smoke another blunt,” because while it was... uh, reassuring? and i suppose fun? for a while? to meet other people dealing with life pain like that, that sort of thing gets really mutually toxic.

like, i’m in the process of quitting drugs altogether, and drugs tend to go hand in hand with that social space. daily use, even second-hand smoke, is not something i can be around any more. weed was great for ages, but now like, the drug basically told me “nah g i’m not for u any more”? - as in, it was not helping me any further, i could feel this, and i just... smashed the pipe i’d smoked out of since living in the YMCA, deleted my dealers’ numbers, and withdrew. goodbye ganja! I Keap The   B o m g   In My Mind Now

i was offered like, support from a local drug addiction charity? people fucking pushing me and pushing me to go there, actually. but like... i step outside the place and the ground is carpeted in fag ends. there are cheap booze shops like 5 minutes walk away. it felt like the kind of place where something heavy would come up in group, and i’d be with the people who peel away afterwards to chainsmoke, get a couple litres of cheap voddy, then somebody pulls out their second phone to get a baggie of the good shit once the booze hits? like it could easily just drag me back down. this is a thing i gotta discuss later, and more privately. that kind of group Not For Me.

i’d also like... started Really noticing the whole undercurrent of like, anger and judgement and denial and impermanence in the we’re-all-mentally-ill-here social spaces i used to hang out in? and i’m aware that i was participating in that too, and that while it was good to begin with and for a long time, it really isn’t good for me any more. actually tbh i go Completely Wack upon returning to those people and places now. which, fuck, like, if the person in question happens to be reading this, i’m very sorry. and yeah, sorry doesn’t cut it, because that must have been Fucking Alarming from your perspective, and i wouldn’t have done it if i’d been in my right mind, and i wasn’t in my right mind, and currently can’t be around so many triggers, and yeah your lifestyle being triggering to me is NOT your fault at all, which is why all i can really do is a disappearing act. cuz there’s no conversation that can even make a goodbye feel right, fucker that this situation is. rip. 

so yeah uh. my issue now, is Establishing Trust and Healthy Social Connections. that is, trust that someone is gonna like me for, the collection of things i like and do and say and am? uh, or even several people? 

this... is one i can’t figure out Alone, because, well, it concerns social relations. and i have very little confidence in social relations, because, well, they’ve either been painful, or centered around painful experiences. and i’ve been told that when i’m really truly enthusiastic and happy about something, i’m overwhelming and annoying to others? so i put the brakes on like crazy if i start feeling “too” happy and end up going Appeasement Mode to get out of the social situation as quickly and smoothly as possible.

and uh, what, i don’t even know the collection of things i like and do and say and am. i don’t... Know all of those things at any one time. how, uh, what? what am I. you know. the usual ??????????? flippy haze. 

i mean! i’m getting better at talking Within myself. i REALLY try to talk slowly with kindness and understanding of context to myself and the voices in my head now, and figure out solutions to pain and problems that don’t involve different kinds of pain or avoidance? but i still lapse into like, you know, Augh Jesus Christ I’ve Heard This One Before Why Do I Need To Have This Discussion Again, and frequently i can’t find a viable alternative for avoidance, because i get overwhelmed easily and that makes EVERYTHING worse. and i haven’t figured out how to take my foot off the brake pedal, either, even though i’m not always pressing it. I Need It There For Now Or Else The Car Might Crash u kno. 

so, like, what? i guess i just keep, talking kindly to the voices, and also to myself? practice until it becomes the default state of being when a trigger pops in? this requires patience, and also booting away people who refuse to have patience with me. unfortunate, necessary.

the thing about IRL conversations, is they happen so QUICKLY, and like, i don’t have enough time to calm the brain down from every trigger that pops up! because like, it can be a facial expression, a movement, a word or phrase, a tone, something in the periphery, something behind me, an internal sensation. it’s SO much information my brain is scanning urgently for threats, and my brain scans harder the more a person knows me, because a person who knows you can deal WAY more damage than a stranger. 

so... yes. this is the part i require assistance with. Hrrrrrrmmnhghdfgjnh.

I SUPPOSE. perhaps now the university have stepped in to arrange a case review with the NHS, they can really push for the kind of support i need. which, yeah, it’s long-term one-on-one trauma-focused counselling or therapy, and also some help with social interaction???? not repeated crisis team referrals, not some 12-week DBT course, i’ve literally been off finding DBT skills and employing them on my own because the waiting lists are so fucking long, and not a 12-week psychodynamic course, because i’ve been seeing a psychodynamic counsellor on and off for four years privately, and the work is nowhere near a conclusion. shit, i’d be satisfied if they could just somehow secure funding for me to keep seeing that guy specifically? he’s REALLY helpful to me, literally like my fucking role model for non-toxic masculinity. and i’m not ready for like, group social skills work, Yet. but soon, you know? only when i’m like “okay, yeah, i really do think I can handle this without my health going backwards again” - which, i need more within-myself security for that. 

also better mood monitoring would be nice, i.e. seeing the same damn person, who actually knows my case, instead of a different person every time saying “I’ve just quickly had a look at your case notes”. because if i go low again this winter, then my “depressive disorder NOS” is bipolar, and i’ve been mismedicated from the beginning. and yeah honestly like? as soon as it starts getting dark and cold, I get inexplicably sad, even with plenty of indoor light and warm clothes and whatnot. but yeah we’ll see about that.

anyway This Shit Wack. Im Done.

[big-tony]

1-100 hoe

I hate you so much.

1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?

Spotify for sure

3. what color are your eyes?

Ugly ass brown

6. describe your personality in 3 words or less

Really obnoxious

8. what kind of car do you drive? color?

I have a black 2013 Nissan Altima 

9. where do you shop?

As much as I hate them, I do most of my shopping on Amazon. I’ve started using Thrift Books when I buy books, but I also want to start going to local bookstores since some have opened up nearby.

10. how would you describe your style?

The stereotypical person who listens exclusively to music on Bandcamp but doesn’t want to commit to buying clothes at Goodwill

11. favorite social media account

Tumblr but I’m kind of warming up to Twitter

13. any siblings?

Yeah I have an older sister

14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?

I would say at this stage in my life I would like to live in Spain or Argentina. I’d really like to just be somewhere out of North America where I can speak Spanish all the time. I feel like it would be a nice change of pace

15. favorite snapchat filter? 

I deleted snap like four months ago but I really liked the one that just hid all of your blemishes lmao

17. how many times a week do you shower?

Like 10-12 on average

18. favorite tv show?

Either Eric Andre or the Twilight Zone

19. shoe size?

16 which makes shopping for shoes impossible

20. how tall are you?

6′5″

21. sandals or sneakers? 

Sneakers. I only wear sandals if I’m running somewhere for less than 30 minutes

22. do you go to the gym? 

I kind of neglected that this semester but before that I was going about 5 days a week

24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?

$5 lmao

25. what color socks are you wearing? 

White

26. how many pillows do you sleep with?

Just two I don’t like having too many

27. do you have a job? what do you do? 

Not rn I just finished up working as a research assistant and I’ll be applying for that position again this summer

28. how many friends do you have? 

idk if I had to guess somewhere around 30 but I see about 10 of them weekly the rest kind of rotate in and out

29. whats the worst thing you have ever done? 

This girl was going to sit down when I was in high school and I thought it would be funny to pull the chair out from under her. It was not particularly funny and it still haunts me because it was so unnecessarily mean

30. whats your favorite candle scent? 

Fuck I don’t know what it’s called but when I’m home for the holidays my parents always burn this one candle that just reminds me of Christmas. Very cinnamon-y but also smells like pine needles

31. 3 favorite boy names

James, Antonio, David

32. 3 favorite girl names

Autumn, McKenzie, Maria

33. favorite actor? 

I don’t think I watch enough movies to have a strong opinion on this one

34. favorite actress? 

Same

35. who is your celebrity crush?

Shakira for sure

36. favorite movie? 

I watch so few movies that my favorite movie is basically the last good movie I watched so I’d say Madeinusa. If we’re going for movies that are so bad that they’re awesome I’d say Bloodsport

37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? 

Yeah I love reading! I’d say it’s tied between The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway and 100 Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

38. money or brains? 

Brains for sure

39. do you have a nickname? what is it? 

People used to call me Chief Keef all the time but I don’t have one anymore

40. how many times have you been to the hospital?

I think like when I was born was the only time lol

41. top 10 favorite songs

In no particular order:

Smashing Pumpkins - 1979

Sun Kil Moon - Pancho Villa

Algernon Cadwallader - Fun

American Football - Stay Home

Shakira - Se Quiere, Se Mata

Sun Kil Moon - Micheline

Sufjan Stevens - Impossible Soul

The Microphones - The Glow, Pt. 2

Frank Dominguez & Elena Burke - Imágenes

Sufjan Stevens - Romulus

42. do you take any medications daily? 

Nah

43. what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)

I’d say pretty oily I have to shower the moment I wake up because my hair looks like a mess from the oil

44. what is your biggest fear? 

Heights

45. how many kids do you want? 

If I decide I want kids, probably just one

46. whats your go to hair style?

I like to keep it pretty short and put some gel in it it’s pretty basic

47. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) 

I live in an apartment right now but my parents’ house is kind of small compared to all my friends’ growing up.

48. who is your role model? 

I try not to have a role model per se because every time I learn about famous people they disappoint me in one way or another. I had a lot of respect for Anthony Bourdain though

49. what was the last compliment you received?

My friend told me yesterday that I’ve made a lot of positive changes in my life this past month, which meant a lot to me

50. what was the last text you sent?

“Dead af” which is pretty par for the course

51. how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?

I think I was 9 when I decided he didn’t exist. No one really confirmed or denied it until I was like 12

52. what is your dream car? 

I used to say corvette but I can’t fit in one lol

53. opinion on smoking?

I can’t really get on a high horse about it because I smoke when I’m very drunk but I don’t enjoy the really strong smell of a smoker’s house

54. do you go to college? 

Yeah! I’m studying history and Spanish and I should be graduating spring 2020

55. what is your dream job? 

I want to be a professor and hopefully teach Latin American history

56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? 

Since my indie folk days are behind me, suburbs for sure

57. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? 

No my hair seems to hate those so I have to bring my own shampoo when I go places

58. do you have freckles? 

nah

59. do you smile for pictures?

Yeah I like my smile a lot so

60. how many pictures do you have on your phone? 

1629 according to my camera roll

61. have you ever peed in the woods? 

Oh yeah absolutely

62. do you still watch cartoons? 

I keep up with Steven Universe by force of habit but otherwise no

63. do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?

McDonald’s. Wendy’s chicken nuggets are whack

64. Favorite dipping sauce? 

Chick-Fil-A sauce

65. what do you wear to bed? 

Basketball shorts

66. have you ever won a spelling bee?

I won this in-class one and they asked me to go to the school-wide one but I didn’t go

67. what are your hobbies?

Reading, writing, and learning languages mostly. I’d like to get more social hobbies at some point like get into playing pool but I haven’t gotten around to it

68. can you draw? 

Oh hell no. I tried super hard up until like 7th grade and then I accepted fate

69. do you play an instrument?

I am trying to learn the banjo but I need to get more consistent

70. what was the last concert you saw? 

I saw Fleet Foxes in March, which was an amazing show. I missed American Football in August which I’m still really upset about

71. tea or coffee?

Coffee, though I’d like to learn more about tea

72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?

Dunkin Donuts just because it’s cheaper

73. do you want to get married?

Yeah I have a crippling fear of ending up alone lmao

74. what is your crush’s first and last initial?

I don’t really have a crush but the girl I’m seeing’s initials are BS which is interesting to say the least

75. are you going to change your last name when you get married? 

No but I probably should because my last name is bland af

76. what color looks best on you? 

I think I look good in a deep purple

77. do you miss anyone right now? 

Unfortunately yes but I’m getting over it slowly

78. do you sleep with your door open or closed?

Closed. I have this irrational fear that I will wake up and someone is watching me, but in all reality an unlocked door won’t stop them if that’s what it is going to come to

79. do you believe in ghosts?

Nah

80. what is your biggest pet peeve? 

People who read, watch, or hear something slightly out of the ordinary and go “WOW I WONDER HOW MANY DRUGS THEY MUST HAVE BEEN ON TO COME UP WITH THAT”

81. last person you called`

My parents like two hours ago

82. favorite ice cream flavor? 

Cookies and cream

83. regular oreos or golden oreos? 

Regular, I didn’t know people liked the golden ones

84. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? 

Rainbow

85. what shirt are you wearing? 

A UCF football shirt! Go Knights

86. what is your phone background?

Salamovka at Night (Judy’s Window Lit) by Lois Dodd

87. are you outgoing or shy?

Very outgoing lol

88. do you like it when people play with your hair?

Ugh I love it so much

89. do you like your neighbors? 

Never talked to em but they’re quiet so I can’t complain

90. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?

Yeah before bed and after my shower

91. have you ever been high? 

Many times

92. have you ever been drunk? 

Many times

93. last thing you ate? 

I got a chicken tender sub at Publix!

94. favorite lyrics right now

Don’t leave home, again

If empathy takes energy

‘Cause everyone feels just like you

But that’s life, it’s so social

95. summer or winter? 

Winter because I like when it’s a bit chillier, even though Florida does not get very cold. It’s been in the 40s and 50s this week which has been incredible and I wish we had more days like that.

96. day or night? 

I like the night during summer and the day during winter. 

97. dark, milk, or white chocolate? 

Milk chocolate

98. favorite month? 

October

99. what is your zodiac sign

Libra

100. who was the last person you cried in front of? 

My ex-girlfriend about three years ago.

I still hate you for this.

[lalka-laski]

SEVEN DEADLY SINS Sin 1: Lust 1. Who was the last person you checked out? Did they check you out too? That'd be Glenn. And he didn't check me out at the same exact time (I was watching him undress) but he sure has his moments. 2. Who was the last person you desired, but they didn’t feel the same? I haven't desired anyone besides Glenn in several years so I can't remember. Maybe the random guy I went on one coffee date with & never heard from again. That feels like ancient history now. 3. Ever cheated on a significant other? If so, have you learned from it? I was a stupid freshman in college. I was literally drunk on booze and metaphorically drunk on all the freedom and available men surrounding me. I learned how much a single, selfish action can hurt another person. I'll never do it again because I'll never be THAT GIRL again. 4. Do you watch porn? Sometimes

5. Do you masturbate? Rarely. If I feel an insatiable urge I'll ask Glenn to come take care of me.

6. Best physical features on your preferred sex? Hands, shoulders, chest 7. Who are some celebrities that you think are totally hot? Idris Elba & Shakira are my top two 8. Did you ever lust after a best friend’s significant other? How did it turn out? Honestly I don't think so. Not to sound like nOt LiKe oThEr gIrLs but I've always had a unique taste in men that differed from most of my friends & peers 9. When was the last time you had sex? It's been a week-ish 10. Ever pursued someone, even though they were taken? Yes, regrettably

Sin 2: Gluttony 1. When did you last eat at a restaurant? What restaurant was it? A local burger joint last night 2. When did you last have fast food? Where did you get it? I guess last night's meal counts as fast food 3. What was the biggest meal you had all day? Today I've had nothing so far although I am about to dip into some pita & hummus in a bit 4. Do you have too many clothes? How often do you go shopping? I have way more clothes than I regularly wear. And I keep adding more and more to my closet with my shopping problem. 5. What’s something you have a LOT of? Coffee mugs, journals, David Bowie memorabilia 6. Do you eat a lot? Probably more than my body actually *needs*, yeah 7. What was the last thing you splurged (spent a lot of money) on? Two tops at the mall that were way outside my budget range. I ended up returning one of 'em though 8. What do you spend most of your money on (besides bills and anything necessary like that)? Clothes, takeout, booze 9. Last time you ate candy? What was it? It's been a little while because I've had a killer canker sore that limits my options. But I'm sure the last candy I had was some kind of sour gummy. I have 3 bags in my pantry as we speak... 10. Last thing you ate too much of? Too many mozz sticks last night Sin 3: Greed 1. Do you share things? How often? Actually, yes. I think because I'm the middle child in a house full of girls, I've accepted that nothing can be solely *mine*. This means that I'm great at sharing but terrible at drawing boundaries or expressing autonomy. 2. Someone asks you for a piece of your cookie. You break it in half, but the pieces aren’t equal. Who gets the bigger piece? It depends what kinda cookie we're talking about... 3. When you see change on the ground, do you pick it up? If it's a dime, yes. Because it's a message from my Grams :) And if it's a penny heads up also yes, for the luck! 4. How often do you lend money to people? Whenever I'm asked. Which isn't often but still 5. Do you loooove money? I mean yeah. And I sure would "looooove" to have more of it. 6. If someone offers to pay for you, do you decline or readily accept? I usually accept but will put up a polite fight. 7. Which of your friends is the wealthiest? That's a gross question 8. Would you take a high-paying job that you didn’t really like just for the money and benefits? There are a lot of other factors I'd have to consider 9. Ever stole from anyone? What about stole from a store? What happened? As a kid I stole from a store unintentionally 10. Do you ever have enough money? I guess in the strictest sense of the word. But I have very little wiggle room. Sin 4: Sloth 1. Last thing you procrastinated on? Dishes, most likely 2. When you’re at a strip mall and the next store you want to go to is at the other side, do you drive over there instead of take a short walk? Usually just walk unless it's snowing or frigid cold 3. What’s a typical day off of school and/or work like for you? They vary wildly but for the sake of this question I'll detail a day where I have no social plans. I'll sleep late then do a little reading while I sip my tea or coffee. Then I usually clean/organize/do whatever chores need doing. Next I'll take a luxurious shower (you know, the kind where you use all the products you don't have time for on a normal day?) And after that, it's anyone's guess. Maybe a walk, maybe more reading or some cooking. 4. What’s one talent you have that you don’t really work on, even though you have the ability to be good at it? Well, writing. I need to do more of it. I'm also pretty good at arts & crafts but I've never stuck with one medium long enough to really excel. 5. How many hours of television do you watch a day? At most 1-2. And that's only on nights I have a specific show to watch. 6. What about the amount of time you spend on the internet a day? Oh that number couldn't even be quantified... 7. How many hours of sleep do you get a day? Do you sleep in late? On worknights it's usually about 6 maybe 7? And on off days that number varies

like crazy. 8. Do you drive to places that are less than three blocks away? Well I don't drive at all, so 9. When was the last time you exercised? Does my walk to work this morning count? 10. Ever copied and pasted your homework from a website on the internet? Nah Sin 5: Wrath 1. If you could kill one person and get away with it, would you do it? Absolutely not 2. Is there anyone you honestly and truly can say that you hate? I don't know about that... 3. Is there anyone you want revenge on, whether you want to get them back big-time or just play a little prank on them for hurting your feelings? Again, I don't know 4. Are you fighting with any friends right now? Why? Nah, we're a bit too old to be playing those games. 5. Last time you were really angry? What happened? It's hard to explain... well, it's not really that hard. I just don't want to. 6. When you’re angry, what do you do to calm yourself down? I'm more of a shutdown and suffer in silence type of person. I try to write my feelings out in a journal too whenever I can 7. “Hate is just the fear of loving someone.” true or false? That makes zero sense 8. What’s the best revenge you ever got on someone? 9. Was there any hard feelings after your last break-up? On whose end was it on? Moreso on my end because he is devoid of feelings! 10. Ever been cheated on? How did that make you feel? Yes and it's one of the ickiest, most destructive feelings ever Sin 6: Envy 1. Is there anyone you’re jealous of? Name a person and tell us why. Pretty much every single person I've ever met 2. List three physical features some other people have that you’re envious of (no need to get specific and name people; you can just say something like “brown eyes” or “having perfect eyebrows”). Thin arms/narrow shoulders (really just a more slender frame in general), thick hair, slimmer calves 3. List three personality features that other people have that you’re envious of. Drive/ambition, self-control, common sense 4. Are you a jealous significant other? Yeah 5. Could you date someone who was really jealous? Not in a possessive or controlling way. But Glenn and I both have our jealousies when it comes to each other and our relationship. We can get a little protective. 6. What celebrity’s looks do you envy the most? That could be any number of women. I'm gonna go with Yvonne Strahovski though 7. Do you think anyone is envious of you? In your opinion, what characteristics (physical and mental) do you possess that you think someone might be envious of? I feel weird answering this 8. What are a few things you wish you were good at? I wish I just had more drive overall to pursue and build on my existing skills. I'd also love the ability to sing and play an instrument 9. Did you ever date someone, break up, and then see them dating someone very attractive a few days later? Were you jealous of that person? That's crazy specific and no. 10. When looking at a love interest’s exes, do you often find yourself jealous of their good-looking exes? I'm jealous of even the NON good-looking ones. It's a whole problem. Sin 7: Pride 1. What’s something you brag about a lot (be honest–we all brag sometimes)? I find myself bragging about how good Glenn is to me. At least it FEELS like bragging... 2. What physical features do you take the most pride in? My collarbones 3. Are you satisfied with what you have? Yes 4. Be honest… when someone is telling you something, do you often change the subject so it’s about you and your accomplishments instead? Oh no, and that's such a repulsive quality in people! 5. Do you like talking about your achievements? No, it makes me quite uncomfortable 6. Do your parents tend to brag about how well you came out? They don't "brag" about any of us. They're just not the type. Though they are very proud of our accomplishments and sing our praises when appropriate. 7. Do you strive to be better than others? Do you think competing with others is healthy? I'm not competitive in the least 8. What do you do better than most people? Making others feel

comfortable 9. Do you believe in taking pride in things you can’t control (ex. being proud of your heritage, being proud of your skin color, being proud of your natural artistic ability)? Certainly 10. Who are you competing with right now (it could be anything–classmates for a grade, co-workers for a position, other girl for a guy, etc.)? ......

[purplesurveys]

1145

What were your favorite things to draw when you were a lil kid?  I knew I wasn’t an artist the moment I started experimenting with pens and markers, and the only image I liked to keep - and was capable of - drawing on repeat was your usual kid’s portrait of a house with a sun and clouds lmao. I never learned how to draw anything else.

Do you think there is something with or around you, like a spirit, angel, ghost or something else? How does this make you feel?  No, never.

Imagine you’re a stranger looking at yourself. What things would immediately catch your eye?  Probably the way I’m scowling at stranger-me staring at me-me.

When did you feel the most confident in your life? Not sure when I’ve felt the most confident, but I typically feel so whenever I get something I’ve been desiring and working hard for, like getting a job offer or being accepted to my dream college or passing a really difficult exam.

Do you think love is needed to have good sex? For some people, no. For me, loving one another is an absolute must. < Yes, hits the nail on the head for me.

Do you think, or want to, die in the city you currently live in? I don’t think it would matter where I die, as long as it’s not from a terrible freak accident.

What is the strangest thing you have ever encountered?  That time I went to Singapore and a sex toy shop was casually blatantly standing in the middle of Orchard Road for families to stroll pass. It’s not objectively strange, of course, but it was definitely a big culture shock. Putting up sex shops in the Philippines is basically a game of who can find the best spot to hide them in.

Favourite soft drink? I never drink soda, so I don’t have a favorite.

What do you like to put gravy on? Fried chicken or steak.

Have you ever gone canoeing/kayaking?  Yes, in Palawan.

What is one thing you know about your family history you’re proud of?  I come from a line of datus from both precolonial and colonial Philippines. The most exciting part about it is that it technically makes me a princess, or at least our local version of princesses haha. I’m also distantly related to one of the three women who sewed the first Philippine flag.

Who depends on you the most? Kimi and Cooper, surely.

Are you related to anyone famous or historical, if so who?  See two questions above. Coming from my datu ancestors, my relatives also continue to serve in the local government of our family’s province until today. Not that I’m particularly proud of them or show this off whenever I want because they are all very vocal Duterte supporters and regularly engage with him and his family, so *barf*

Would you ever donate a kidney to anyone, and who?  If it ever comes down to it, I’d offer one of mine to my dad, Angela, and either of her parents.

What is the main quality you think makes a great parent? They recognize when they’re wrong and know to acknowledge it and apologize.

What three things do you think of most of each day? Tasks I have to do for work for the day, tasks I have to do for the rest of the week, and financial concerns.

Does/did your high school have pop machines?  No, of course not. Are there schools that are ok with selling soda? :/

Do you know anyone who’s won the lottery?  Not that I know of, but then again these things are shared in secret so there’s always that chance of possibly knowing someone who won the lotto at some point.

Have you ever slept in a water bed? Never slept but I’ve played on one.

How often do you use Flickr?  I haven’t visited that site since I was like 11. Not even sure it still exists.

Who is the last child that you took a photo with?  I think my cousin Toffe, but it was most likely a family photo that the two of us happened to be in. I don’t have a lot of photos with my younger cousins and kids in general.

How often do you wear hats? Never. I always think about getting a bucket hat of my own but I just never go through with it.

Would you ever get a nature tattoo? I never even entertained the thought before. But considering Hayley’s albums and songs have like a million references to flowers, it sounds like a good idea now :)

Is anyone in your family sick at the moment?  My paternal great-grandma was recently confined in a hospital but she’s been discharged. I have a grand-aunt who suffered a mild stroke a couple of weeks ago and is currently recovering.

Where do your siblings work, if anywhere? They are both still studying. If I had to guess, my sister would probably end up in the film, media, or advertising industry, if not a freelance artist.

Where is your favorite place to buy groceries?  If I had the money for it I’d get my groceries at Marketplace, but I’m content with getting ours from SM or Robinsons for now.

Who do you generally talk to the most? Probably my immediate family and my team at work.

Is anyone saved in your phone under a nickname?  Not anymore. I use nicknames on my friends more frequently on Facebook Messenger.

Whose birthday is coming up?  One of my cousins’ birthday is on March 31.

Have you ever ordered from an informercial? No, never.

When, where, and why did a needle last pierce your skin?  Around a month ago when I was embroidering. I usually accidentally prick myself from time to time.

Have you been to an escape room? Was it a success?  Nah, not really my idea of fun. I’m a little weak at problem/riddle-solving :(

How many followers do you have on Instagram? I literally never use my Instagram except to lurk and look for influencers to potentially tap for work. The account was initially my one-photo-a-day-in-2020 dump, but I stopped in April last year and now we’re in 2021 it doesn’t even serve a purpose anymore lmao. But for some reason Bea asked for my account and still followed me (and is the only person following me), which I’m sure she already regrets.

What’s the most recent music video you watched? Thoughts?  Continued the next day. Jessi’s What Type of X. Killed it as always.

Have you ever recorded a cover of a song? Never.

What makeup products are your go-tos?  None.

Are you going to school this year?  No, not anymore. I did that for the very last time in 2020, and I don’t see the point in going back for an MA because I feel like I’m already covered.

What is your favorite water activity? I’ve only ever tried kayaking, but that was a very pleasant memory.

What are your favorite video games? I’m not a super passionate video game fan who’s always up-to-date, but I do have a soft spot for games I bonded on with my family when I was a kid, like Grand Theft Auto (very inappropriate for a kid to be playing, I know lol), Silent Hill, Resident Evil, Mario Kart, and Smash Bros.

Do you like jello? I never got over the texture, so no.

When was the last time you gave someone "the finger?" Not sure when exactly but it happened recently, maybe a week or two ago. I suddenly thought about my ex and flung both fingers around just for myself lol.

Have you ever held a snake?  Yes, I got the chance to hold and take a photo with one on my trip to Bali. I was the only willing one in the family.

Most unique place you’ve ever been to?  Baker’s Hill in Palawan is what I would imagine seeing if I ever took drugs and had a trip of some sort. Most random place ever.

If you were a superhero, what color would your cape be?  Continued from...I don’t even know anymore. Just know it’s been nearly a week since I first started this, lmao. Idk maybe gold.

Have you ever slept out on your porch all night?  We don’t have a porch. We do have a rooftop and I’ve fallen asleep there a couple of times. I only do so when the climate is cold, though.

Do you like horror movies?  Sure, but I haven’t watched any in years. Just have never been in the mood for it for a long while now.

What’s your favorite Coke product?  Blech, I hate soda.

Watergun or water-balloon war?  Water gun. I’ve never been hit by a water balloon but I imagine it hurts?? so I wouldn’t want to experience it if I never had to.

Do you know anyone that’s afraid of elevators?  I know my sister and grandma are claustrophobic but they’re not ~deathly~ afraid of elevators.

Is there anything in your room that belongs to a boyfriend, or a friend of the opposite sex?  I don’t think any of my guy friends have lent me stuff that I got to take home, so no.

Who’s your favorite Beatle?  I was never a fan. I remember pretending to be, back when liking The Beatles made you look all cool and hippy and trendy... but I honest to god just couldn’t get into their music.

Have you ever texted an ex whilst drunk? How’d that go?  Yeah just once, super super way back when I was still thought remaining friends with her was the way to go. It was fine, I didn’t message anything horrific and we were both chill about it the next morning.

Do you have to stand on your tip-toes to kiss your boyfriend?  I don’t have a partner anymore but yeah, I used to. I think? Maybe? I barely remember anymore. I definitely did have to tilt my head up quite a bit, though.

Have you ever been tackle-hugged? I can’t remember if I’ve received one. I’m usually the one who gives them.

Have you ever rejected someone’s kiss before?  I don’t think I’ve been in this situation before.

Is your mood or the overall tone of your day often affected by the dreams you had the night before?  Just for like the first half hour of waking up, especially if it was a nightmare or a triggering dream. The more I wake up the more the dream fades away, and the sillier it feels that I was affected by it.

Do you think that there are any positive aspects or outcomes of suffering from a mental illness? If you have a mental illness, do you think it has changed you for the better in any way?  No. Sugarcoating mental illness doesn’t sit well with me at all. I know I’ve learned to be gentle and understanding towards other people because of the emotional abuse I’ve received in my own relationships, and I absolutely hate that it’s because of mental illness. I shouldn’t have had to learn to be kind because I was treated shittily first.

What is your opinion on celebrity culture and celebrity worship? Have you ever been guilty of putting a celebrity on a pedestal? Do you think it’s somehow more acceptable/understandable to obsess over certain types of celebrities (musicians over YouTubers, say) than others? At what point do you think an obsession like that crosses the line?  I sometimes think it’s silly when fandoms fight and defend their favorites as if they know them personally, but I’m heavily into my fair share of celebrities and I honestly don’t see anything wrong with it. As long as you’re not hurting anyone or doing anything stupid like stalking your favorites, you do you.

If you were to pursue a career in photography and had the opportunity and means to photograph whatever you wanted, what would most like to photograph?  People.

Is there a certain type of clothing (outerwear, activewear, loungewear, etc.) that you enjoy shopping for more than others?  Cute tops.

Are you ever afraid to post your ideas, artwork, photography, etc. online for fear that they will get stolen or not credited?  No, because I am not even creative in the first place and can’t make any form of art to save my life.

When is the last time you did something sexual? Last night.

Who is the last person you showered with, if anyone?  My ex but that would’ve been ages ago. It was super rare that we absolutely had to shower together.

What do you think when you see roadkill on the side of the road?  Sad and kinda disgusted if the guts are out, but also relieved that they don’t have to suffer in pain anymore.

Have you ever had an ex that just didn’t understand that it was over?  Yeah, me. Luckily I came to my senses a few months ago and have felt better and been better ever since.

Are your fingernails currently short or long?  They’re unequal lengths because I’ve been either biting or picking at them over the last few weeks, but for the most part they are long enough to need to be clipped.

Would you rather have big or small dogs?  Big.

What is your favorite sports drink? I don’t drink any of them, so none.

What was the last compliment you gave a guy?  I told my dad the dinner he made tasted excellent.

Does your jaw ever crack, pop, or lock?  I don’t think my jaw has ever made a sound before, hahaha.

Have you ever thought of how you would give your kids “the talk”?  No, but I think it’s also relevant to note that I live in a very conservative country where sexual intercourse is never discussed, especially within families; and that it’s virtually unheard of to hear of people until my generation to have been given the talk. I had to find out all by myself, and I remember being very confused when we were being taught the reproductive system in fifth grade because they only taught about the organs and their functions, and never anything deeper than that.

Luckily the last conservative generation was Gen X, and younger generations have been a lot more open-minded. And if I had to guess, I’m fairly certain Millennial parents would be more willing to give their kids the talk.

Do you ever feel like you’re missing out on something?  I mean, my 20s, thanks to Covid.

Do you ever write/draw on windows that are fogged up?  Yes.

If you were married, and your spouse’s parents became ill, would you let them move into your home? Of course.

Have you screamed in a pillow before?  Probably.

What do you like more, acoustic or electric?  Electric.

Did you actually have a cookie jar?  No.

What’s worse, having someone mad or disappointed in you? Disappointment is more gut-wrenching. I feel more hopeless and helpless when someone feels that way about me.

What do you bite on more, your tongue, lip, or nails?  Definitely my nails. Lip-biting isn’t a habit of mine and I only ever bite my tongue accidentally.

Do you think that knowing when and how you’re going to die would ruin your life?  No. I would find that comforting, actually.

Do you have a favorite bromance? From TV or a movie.  J-Man and Channy’s from Friends.

Do you find flea markets and thrift stores enjoyable?  Sure.

What color is your wallet?  Pink, but I def have to buy a new one soon as I’m still using the one my ex gave me...

Have you ever been somebody's photography subject? No, and I would hate to be. I don’t like being in front of the camera.

Nicki Minaj fan?  I like a lot of songs by her but I’m by no means a fan.

Have you ever seen the Niagara Falls?  Nope but I would love to.

[justhereforseverus]

A Rose by Any other Name would Smell as Sweet

Chapter 7: Speak the Speech, I Pray you

Summary:

During one of the drama club meetings, (y/n) struggles to find an acting partner to demonstrate a scene properly. Thankfully, there is one tall and gaunt man that comes to the rescue

Notes:

Disclaimer: I’m not a teacher, especially not for drama. I’m not even a good actor. The only acting experience that I have is that I’ve played a pirate cook once in a play that was set in the time when Hamlet was saved by a pirate ship.During the performance, I actually said one of my lines too early so that was that... I study and interpret plays that’s more of my thing. So, all the methods described here are probably bullshit. Severus is also very talkative here. Dunno, if I’m writing him way out of character but hey, we’ve never seen him talk much in the books or the movies so maybe he opens up with attractive but awkward arts teachers.

As always thank you for reading, commenting, and all the kudos!! <3

Chapter Text

Another session of my drama group and I gotta say, we’ve made progress. It’s been a tough job getting students acting roles when they’ve never had contact with all this. I also knew that I’ve chosen a rather difficult play. Maybe I should have started with something else. But the students were invested in the story now and hey, who doesn’t love a challenge? It’s also still a school performance, not a Globe audition.

Everyone did a good job in the small groups and most of them were comfortable giving feedback there and discussing certain scenes. This time, I put up a stage that is as high as the one we’ll be using in our final performance because now it should move into a more serious direction. Before we try to put together the scenes in order with the designated roles, I wanted to address some techniques many students were unsure of how to perform. I also wanted to prepare them to perform in front of an bigger audience and not just one or two other people in the group. It was still just me, their peers and Severus but it’s still significantly more than before. Severus usually sat in the back of the class, arms crossed, legs stretched outs -  a critical but relaxed pose, rather unusual for him. The students have become used to his presence. It did make some of them nervous in the beginning but a lot of the stress went away upon learning that that he couldn’t give them detention or a bad grades in here. He wasn’t very interested in doing so in the first place. He was here for a change of pace.

One of the problems was the aside instruction in some of the scenes. They struggled to see how it should be performed. They felt weird doing so and didn’t see the point of directly speaking to the audience and not to the character on stage. So, I thought I should show it rather than tell. I asked: “Anyone comfortable enough to perform the scene with me? You can use your book and just read the lines to me so don't feel nervous.”

Silence. Somehow they are ok within their own groups but standing on a stage in front of everyone else seemed to be a problem for that moment. I was ready to perform on my own but suddenly a voice came from the back of the room:

“If you need some assistance, Ms (y/n) I’m familiar with the scene and can try, with my humble acting abilities, to be your acting partner.”

Ok, we can do this. Students are eerily silence as Severus, elegant and confident as Julius Caesar, walked up the stairs on the stage. He picked a book from the pile of copies and stood there waiting. We agreed upon me being Lord Polonius and he Hamlet. He pretended reading the book and I said to him: “ O, give me leave: How does my good Lord Hamlet?”

“ Well, God-a-mercy. ” -  said Severus, turned towards me and closed the book in his hands.

“Do you know me, my lord?”

“Excellent well; you are a fishmonger.” – he put emphasis on fishmonger by his usual slow and  articulated speaking style. His deep voice rolled around the g and I knew he would’ve been perfect for that role. Severus performing style was in the beginning a tiny bit stiff and controlled but on the other hand, it suits the Prince of Denmark. Furthermore, he didn’t seem to look into the book for the lines. He performed them by memory. It was marvellous and I demonstrate the scene properly to my students.

At the last line Severus did something that showed he was acting and not just his usual snarky self, which frankly is easy with Polonius. When Polonius humbly took his leave Severus replied faithfully to the script:

“You cannot, sir, take from me any thing that I will more willingly part withal: except my life, except my life, except my life.” -  here he repeated the words loudly, walked around me and put a different tone and manner for each repetition on. In that moment, I was in awe and thought to myself: This man is perfect.

Applause. Cheering. The students liked it. I took Severus hand, turned to the small group of students and bowed. He followed bowing rather reluctantly but I could feel how he squeezed my hand a bit. I felt myself blushing and slowly let go. He returned to his seat at the back and I turned around pretending to order some props to order my feelings. When the applause and talking faded I once again put my students in pairs and everyone had a go at performing these two roles in front of the others. It went much better now that they had a clear picture on what to do and some even interpreted gestures and tones in their own way.

At the end everyone said goodbye not only to me but also to Severus in a happy way, waving and wishing us a good evening. I walked up to Severus and sat in the seat in front of him, turning the chair around so I could face him. “Well done. You would have been a marvellous actor and you even knew the lines. I’m impressed!”

“Don’t flatter me that is just the bare minimum if you’re part of a drama society, aren’t you?”

“Come one, take the compliment, I mean it! When did you learn the lines?”

“I simply read it so many times that I remembered it.”

“Still impressive. Wish I could do that so easily.. Did you ever act it out on your own or with friends?”

“No.”

I looked at him with suspicion.

“Ok, maybe in my youth, I did. On my own usually. Although I must be admit that Hamlet’s wit here is nothing too far away from my own experiences so there wasn’t that much acting involved per se.”

“Nah, don’t try to get out of that. Should I tell you a secret?”

“Seems like you are ready to tell me either way.”

“Correct. When I was a kid, I read almost all my books aloud to my stuffed animals and toys. Later I did act out plays on my own as a well. I guess, I was a teenager who was more interested in fiction than people. How absurd all this may sound it does help you acting, reading, understanding, extending your language abilities. So, nothing to be ashamed of. Well apart from me just telling you that I was a weird outsider with an obsession for books in my youth but I guess that comes with the job description.”

“Mhh. I’d say we have that in common.”

“You’ve also read fairy tales to your stuffed animals?”

He shook his head, while rolliung his eyes but in a joking kind of way: “No, but the outsider aspect.”

“I’m sorry to hear that but yes. I guess interest in the arts often comes from feeling something’s missing. That there is a lack of meaning in reality and a desire to fill this with imagination. It also shows an interest in solving problems creatively. It just often brings people together that are from the same roots. Of course, there are many exceptions to this rule. Especially when it comes to the elitism in the muggle world around the arts. But I often find myself flocking to the same kind of people while doing this. So, there might be a connection.”

“I’d agree with that. I have to admit it was a pleasant experience.”

“I’m glad to hear that. Thank you, Severus.”

He stood up and moved towards the door. Suddenly, I had an idea. Before my brain could stop me with reason, I asked:

“Hey, ehm. Are you free for a tea tonight?  I’d love to talk to you more about literature and plays. Maybe I can recommend you some works? You know like…a little book club? Just between us. If you want? I love talking about it and you seem like someone with whom one can do.. that…” – wow very articulate. I clearly know how to speak. Not.

He looked at the door and bit his lip slightly in thought. He then replied: “Thank you for the invitation. Unfortunately, I must decline. I’m assisting Albus in an important matter for the rest of tonight. Would you be free tomorrow evening? We see each other anyway at the great feast in celebration of the 200th anniversary of the first Quidditch team at Hogwarts. We could go after that?”

“Yes, of course. That sounds great. See you tomorrow then!”

--------------

It was mandatory for teachers to attend feasts celebrating important dates. However, there were a couple of empty seats as it clashed with a teacher’s conference in France, who were entirely uninterested in the local Quidditch history of Hogwarts. As a consequence, Remus, Flitwick and three other teacher were absent. Thus the seat order was not as strict as usual. The hall was decorated with Quidditch logos, paintings of the first and current Quidditch teams and there was a constant buzzing as snitches flied around in the air to set the mood. Severus sat at the left end of the table and I thought maybe I should take a seat next to him for a change.

“Hello Severus. Is that seat available?”

“Of course, go ahead."

“You’re not often here for lunch. Are you eating in your office usually?”

“Yes, it’s just more convenient for me to not disrupt my working flow with useless eating. Furthermore, I also need a break from seeing students from time to time.”

“Understandable.” And here we both looked into the crowd of students in their Quidditch uniforms or Quidditch fan attire. “I mean, I love my class to bits but some of them are so…. Without respect or interest. How is it being a headteacher for an entire house?”

“The job title comes with more responsibilities. You are responsible for everything your house does and it reflects on your image. This is more difficult when you have students who think of themselves as untouchable because in a way.. they are. Money and connections run deep in the wizard bloodlines. I’m not afraid to scold and punish them but you always have to be cautious. One misplaced word and our headmaster will feel the consequences and the school's image will be hurt. As the house motto says, you have to be cunning and plan ahead to achieve any progress with them.”

“Sounds tough. But you seem to be well equipped to do so. Wow. Are there any perks to that job?”

“If you mean money, no. We basically get paid in exposure. However, your quarters are a bit bigger than the rest of the staff. I got the position because I’ve been here for so long and am apparently the only one capable enough to deal with this rather difficult house. In the end, I’m also a Slytherin. However, as it is with everything in life: Nothing is clear cut. And I’d argue there are enough cunning and manipulative students in every house who use their false pride to put down others.”

“I aree. Nothing is ever black and white. Good people do bad things. Bad people do good things. We grow up, we learn, we change, we fail. Stereotypes are sadly often a beginning but they should never be the end of a judgement. People are fluid in their actions and attitudes.”

“Well said.”

Dumbledore made a speech celebrating sports and our food arrived floating from the air. It was nice despite me being utterly uninterested in Quidditch usually. Dumbledore sat next to us for a while and talked about my progress with the group. Before he left to talk to some students, he had something left so say: “Oh, and Severus. I’m delighted to see you being a part of the group, too.” Severus just nodded absentmindedly and continued to eat. When the feast ended everyone returned to their quarters or offices. So, I and Severus made our way to the Ravenclaw quarters.