#Laurence/Tharkay

[mx-myth]

Okay so I've had some meta thoughts about Laurence's amnesia and how it relates to his relationship with Tharkay sitting in my drafts for like over a year now so I figured I'd finally clean it up and post it. Heads up it's really long.

Laurence finally consciously realises that he loves Tharkay (or is in love with him, whatever nuance you'd like) after "knew him, and knew himself." But at this point he's completely in pieces as a person (more on this next paragraph). Post-amnesia, he's an entirely different man. Pre-Temeraire Laurence is the harshest, strictest version both of and with himself. He follows the rules to the letter, basically takes Temeraire only out of duty in the beginning, and even keeps the promise between him and Edith despite there being no formal arrangement at all. Post-Temeraire but pre-amnesia Laurence has softened. He's putting less emphasis on the rules and more on his morals (see: treason). He has more leeway but still carries that honor/duty/order with himself.

Which is why post-amnesia Laurence is the version of himself that discovers that he loves Tharkay. In the wake of losing his memories and then regaining them he's lost and unmoored. Both of his past selves are so different and therefore so distant. They're both true but it's too jarring for him - especially in his current circumstances, much less the overall war - so Laurence becomes a new person. This is Laurence at his most vulnerable, his most unguarded, who smiles more often now because he doesn't really know that he didn't smile that much before. He has two major tethers to his personhood: Temeraire and Tharkay (I hesitate to say only tethers, simply because Laurence's life isn't that small, but repeatedly these two are the ones who have had the biggest impact on his life, who have kept him going). Obviously he loves Temeraire, he's never going to stop loving Temeraire, he just isn't capable of it, but seeing Temeraire didn't bring back his memories (I can't imagine how Temeraire must have felt, meeting a version of Laurence who had never met him). Laurence loves Temeraire in the most unconditional, selfless way - to be very Greek about it, his philia. But I think when he finally comprehends how Tharkay was the catalyst behind this radical change of his self he dives into his memories again and goes over them in excruciating detail (and he was definitely doing that already, but now he's doing it with a lens exclusively focused on Tharkay). At some point he comes to the realisation that Tharkay loves him, and that he loves him, and that he's been unconsciously shoving it down every time it's surfaced (past-Laurence was saying no homo while actively homo-ing). And with the benefit of being an new version of the same person (and also some hindsight, finally), this Laurence says, I've committed treason. My country sees me as a traitor but they still need me to serve them as a tool. I lost myself once in a war (see: "what are you doing?") that's still being fought. Time is short and there's no guarantee I won't lose my memories again, that I will still be the person I am right now. What do I have to lose?

(And on some level, this Laurence thinks, what can stop me?)

He begins giving to Tharkay what Tharkay always had given to him. His acts of devotions start small (relative to Tharkay's; transporting too many ferals is obviously a little outside of what Laurence can feasibly do). He cares for Tharkay once he wakes ("have you noticed the top of your head appears likely to come off?"), he helps him eat and drink, he massages his hands once they heal, he stays with him through the nightmares that come to haunt him. And he continues doing these little things for Tharkay, hoping that he understands (he's willing to wait, Tharkay waited for him after all, and Laurence doesn't want to push him, especially as he's healing). But I think the act that hits Tharkay like, oh, it's different this time is when Laurence bargains his freedom to Napoleon. I feel like that carries unspeakable meaning for Tharkay, who was ostracized growing up and ended up never having a "permanent" home since he travelled so much. I can't imagine that he hasn't been in a similar situation before, but he's probably always been expected to weasel his way out of it without any outside help. He's trained himself out of expecting someone to help him, to care enough about him to save him. Yet part of the man who turned to treason simply so the dragons of France wouldn't die in pain lives on in this Laurence. Pre-Temeraire Laurence is rules and post-Temeraire pre-amnesia Laurence is morals, but post-amnesia Laurence is all heart. There was never a way he was going to leave Tharkay behind.

So Tharkay starts watching him. He watches Laurence continue to devote himself to him, again and again. He brings him his coat on cold days. When it rains and their scars ache he curls around his hands and rubs lotion into them. When he goes into town he always brings Tharkay back a little gift. He starts growing vegetables in the garden and he learns how to cook non-wartime foods and how to knit (because he is a man forged by war and what does one even do during peacetime when one's dragon is busy reforming the government, anyway?) and suddenly he's providing for Tharkay like never before. He looked away for one moment and suddenly Laurence's prescence and all that he does has made the manor a home.

Yet Tharkay, for years, has told himself so many times that Laurence is off-limits, untouchable, that he can love him but that there's no chance that Laurence will love him back. The only way he can love Laurence is silently, nearly from afar, and so he tried to do that. But he can't just stand by and so every time he finds himself committing a deux ex Tharkay (see: ferals, again). He understands that there's some shit Laurence needs to learn himself (and god is this series very good about character development for Laurence) but he's not going to do nothing when the man in about to die. For him it's about caring and providing for Laurence even if he doesn't know it. He learns to content himself with the knowledge that, even if nothing comes of it, he can still be by Laurence's side.

But then the amnesia plot happens (which he only learns of after all of it goes down) and suddenly there is a half-stranger wearing the skin of the man he loves (loved, he tells himself) looking at him with those familiar blue eyes filled with a completely unfamiliar emotion. He's relieved that Laurence remembers but he's said that his Laurence is gone that he's even thinking of it like that (Tharkay has a lot of anger, both at himself and others and the world). Laurence is right in front of him, he's not gone at all, but he's gone in a way that matters. But also this new Laurence is by his side all the time. He's feeding him and helping him drink and dress and he sleeps on the floor by his bedside. Tharkay is so confused because this has to be some kind of fantasy dream he's having. He must still be in the cave (and it's believable that he is, because he returns there every night in his dreams). But he isn't and he has to struggle to come to terms with this new Laurence.

So every time Laurence does something even remotely nice he hyper-analyses it and rationalizes it to himself. He deludes himself into thinking that this is normal for Laurence now. It's normal for Laurence to fuss and hen over him now; it's normal for him to smile at him with that emotion written plainly on his face that Tharkay still hasn't (refuses) to decipher. And he does this well into post-canon.

For that reason he only gets with the program when Laurence has to leave the manor (leave home) for a long while (probably with Temeraire) and suddenly Tharkay is all alone in this huge manor. He's wearing the socks Laurence knitted for him and eating food Laurence grew and walking into rooms and seeing little parts of him scattered everywhere. There's a novel he's reading left on the table by the chair he prefers in the library. There's a cookbook in the kitchen in which he's bookmarked recipes he thinks he might like. Tharkay finds a handwritten list of things they need to buy in town left out for him. He left his pillows on Tharkay's bed because he knows he likes sleeping with a ton of pillows (and they smell like him, and Tharkay pretends he doesn't bury his face in him, that he doesn't miss him while he's gone). When Tharkay wakes up in the morning he makes two cups of tea and waits for Laurence to come in from talking with Temeraire before remembering that neither of them are here (home). He expects Laurence to appear in the evenings to ask if he wants to go on a walk through the grounds with him (and he always ends up saying yes). Tharkay learns that the manor is too big for one man who has always been a little too lonely in his life.

So until Laurence returns home he plots and plans and agonizes. After a week once Laurence has come home (and the first thing he had said to him was welcome home, and Laurence had beamed at him, and it was so unbelievably natural to say it) Tharkay begins his attempts at reciprocating. He wakes up earlier so that he can brew Laurence tea so he can take it out to sit with Temeraire. He says that he cooked some of the recipes from Laurence's cookbook and insists on making them for Laurence (he had to figure out his system of marking which recipes were Laurence's favourites). He gifts him a sturdy, functional, and beautifully crafted knife to wear around the house for daily use; he specifically makes sure the knife is up to Temeraire's standards. In fact, Tharkay talks to Temeraire about everything, and Temeraire tells him, with no minced words while completely drawing his own conclusions, that it's very nice that Tharkay is asking him for his blessing, but does he really need it at this point? Haven't they been courting long enough? He's always approved of Tharkay, because he makes Laurence happy.

That's how Tharkay realises he and Laurence have been dancing around each other like shy birds, both of them subtly showing off but not making the first move. And maybe he realises that Laurence is thinking how he used to think - that it's okay as long as he can be by his side, that he doesn't need his love reciprocated (it's a very long chain of Tharkay loving Laurence, Laurence knowing Tharkay loves him and loving him back, and Tharkay loving Laurence and knowing he knows he loves him and loves him back). And of course Tharkay wasn't going to make the first move back then, and if Laurence hasn't by now, then maybe he should borrow some of Temeraire's courage.

It's something small. The words come later, given how action-forward both Laurence and Tharkay are. They don't even need words. Maybe Tharkay takes Laurence's hand during dinner and intertwines their fingers, maybe he touches Laurence's cheek after he's braided his hair as their eyes meet in the mirror, maybe as they pack away the port and piquet he kisses him good night. Whatever it is, they look at each other and simply know. Tharkay sees Laurence slowly start to smile, a huge one that spreads across his entire face, one that he's only seen on Laurence when he thinks he's alone with Temeraire. He seems to brighten, almost radiating light.

For his part, Laurence reciprocates. He squeezes Tharkay's hand, he turns his cheek into Tharkay's touch, he pulls him in for another kiss. He watches as something seems to drop from Tharkay, something that he hadn't even known he was carrying. He becomes loose and relaxed, his body language more open as he looks at Laurence with one of his little smiles, a bit of shyness that he's never seen before evident on his face. He tells Tharkay that he's the most beautiful person he's ever seen.

[crownomancer]

@cypresstrees The way this one made me laugh the second I read it. Done.

And here we have it in use.

[lightshadowverisimilitude]

Resurgence 28/?

A new chapter is up for Resurgence! Read it here:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24944218/chapters/114753676

[bayest]

That Blessed Arrangement (3021 words) by Phnx Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Temeraire - Naomi Novik Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: John Granby/Augustine Little, William Laurence/Tenzing Tharkay, John Granby & Tenzing Tharkay Characters: John Granby, Iskierka (Temeraire), Tenzing Tharkay, William Laurence, Temeraire (Temeraire), Augustine Little Additional Tags: Post-Canon, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, POV Outsider, Tharkay's parents live, Bad Matchmaking, Granby/Little established relationship, Laurence/Tharkay first meeting, Crack Treated Seriously, Year of the OTP Prompt Event 2023, Blanket Permission Series: Part 8 of Year of OTP 2023 Summary: In a post-war AU where the crew didn't meet Tharkay during the war, Granby finds himself both a victim and a perpetrator of matchmaking. Little is very onboard with this.

[Available on Dreamwidth here]

[mx-myth]

hold on I might write something about this later but for now I only have this line for b that got too long to tag:

Laurence went pliant beneath him, tipping his head back with a ragged breath. Tharkay knew he only had to give the gentlest tugs of his hair to make him moan; loudly, unabashedly, and it was a fact that he took advantage of. He swallowed the sound with his own mouth.

"Beautiful, [endearment*]," he murmured. Laurence opened his mouth against his and he shushed him. "Shh, no, beloved, let go. Let me take care of you."

*waffling about whether this should be sweetheart or pet. Either one is devastating

can't decide which scenario is more 👀

a) Laurence is so used to giving orders that it just comes out naturally and Tharkay has seen him in command and knows he's fair and rewards good performance and he's trying really hard not to give in to his baser urges about it

b) Laurence has been following orders his entire life and now that he's retired and a Gentleman of Leisure™️ unless Parliament is in session he's always sort of unmoored and has no idea what to do with himself when nobody tells him what to do and Tharkay is trying really hard not to give in to his baser urges about it

[kingoftheu]

William Laurence truly has one of the funniest character arcs of all time. He does a complete 360 over the course of the series. Totally turned around yet somehow exactly where he started. He completely changed his worldview while being absolutely steadfast about it. He undergoes impressive character development while his character does not change at all. He is so damn stubborn about his preconceived notions of honor that he is willing to abandon his preconceived notions of dragons, gender, and race. He transcends the regency society he lives in not by breaking the confines of rigid values but by expanding those confines to include everyone.

[argetcross]

Temeraire, Tharkay, and Laurence in the Alps

[goddamnshinyrock]

a spy and a traitor (war heroes) share a drink and a laugh

[sarcasticbeanie]

so it begins

[slimyshield]

bro. you're telling me that laurence had full on amnesia. like "weeks have passed and I still can't remember anything" amnesia. "the doctor thinks that if I haven't remembered anything by now I never will" amnesia. and the sight of his beloved dragon of eight years did not jog his memory, nor being told of various huge events in his life, including literal treason, which years after the fact still weighed heavily on him. none of that helped. I repeat: not even temeraire, the one living being above all others whose company he preferred. not seeing granby, who he knew almost as long as he knew temeraire, or berkeley or harcourt, or even emily roland, who looks a good deal like her mother, the woman laurence was lowkey dating for years. no, you're telling me that what jogged his memory at long last was seeing tharkay, who he had not known before temeraire; and he called him by his first name even as he remembered everything. and then he called in a favor to thee Napoleon Bonaparte, a favor earned when laurence committed treason, a favor that laurence practically vowed never to cash in on, in order to save tharkay's life even though he had also just realized tharkay was a spy, which laurence was super pissed about. and then later tharkay invited laurence and temeraire to live on his estate with him. as though this is all happening in a fucking romance novel instead of a nine-book series about the napoleonic wars. and I'm supposed to be normal about it??? I'm supposed to think that laurence and roland wound up together when tharkay is right there??? I Could Not Believe Mine Own Eyes reading the last two pages of league of dragons. oh my god

[mx-myth]

Okay okay okay. Post-canon Temeraire fic where a bunch of women (and some men) keep trying to date Laurence. He politely turns them all away, etcetera etcetera. This is because - and gay marriage is legal because this is actually an AU - he and Tharkay both consider (and this happened INDEPENDENTLY) what happened once they climbed out of the sewers in Istanbul to basically be their marriage vows. However they have never discussed that or the fact that they're basically together (they also think this independently of each other) so Tharkay is like wow he really loves me 😊 and Laurence is like oh he smiled at me 😊. Meanwhile the rest of them (Granby, the rest of Lily's formation, I forget if Temeraire witnessed the sewer scene) are like what the FUCK Laurence, that was a BARONESS you just turned down. And that earl you rejected last week is writing sad poems in the newspaper now.

Anyway eventually a crackfic reveal where Laurence is like *big eyes* wait, you think we're married too??? And Tharkay is like *big eyes back* YOU think we're married too??? Everyone gives a disgusted little sigh and leaves the manor.

[crownomancer]

@aspirationsxarexmotivations

When you beat your racist cousin’s ass in court, and roll up in all Gucci to seduce your best friend.

[andro-beaurepaire]

Kisses, then and now <3 (2025 aka the year I decide to make peace with my messy dirty please-clean-your-fucking-scanner sketches)

[syaal]

Let us grow old together

[pretendingday]

A Portrait of Two Gentlemen c. 1816

[bichobolitach]

Post-nut morality crisis