#LWJ's breakdown has been a long time coming and I love how he breaks down. It is a torrent of emotions he can't hold back anymore

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

He is at his limit.

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[watch-grok-brainrot]

Wuji Refrain Breakdown/Translation

I feel like every time I hear the refrain of the cql end theme I break a little because the feeling of mourning and missing and loving overwhelms me.

煮一壶 生死悲欢 祭少年郎

EVERY TIME this line starts playing my heart just stops. The imagery it invokes SO freakishly sad.

煮 - boil/cook

一 - a

壶 - pot

生 - life/birth

死 - death

悲 - sorrow

欢 -joy

祭 - sacrifice/memorialize

少 - small/young/few

年 - years

郎 - man/boy, used also as part of the binome meaning groom (新郎), sometimes used to address a male significant other.

So all together i would translate it as 

“Boiling a pot of life’s breadth of feelings to memorialize a young man I loved”

The idea of “boiling a pot of” I associate with alcohol. A lot of old school booze was ingested warm. And that echoes the character for sacrifice/memorialize since alcohol is often poured onto the ground to memorialize people. Pour one out for the dead, right?

And the phrase 生死悲欢 actually echoes a song dynasty poem by su dong po where he says “ 人有悲欢离合，月有阴晴圆缺 humans suffer sorrow, joy, union, and separation and the moon has clear and overcast days, waxes and wanes”. The union and separation part of the phrase about people got replaced by life and death -- LWJ and WWX’s specific union and separation. 

So the image this line paints in my head is snow slowly falling outside the jingshi. LWJ with his hair down, tending to a pot of emperor’s smile. Tears are probably flowing down his face but no one is there to see it so it’s ok. He pours out the emperor’s smile -- all of it -- and looks up at the moon and says something to WWX. And in his head, there is zero question that WWX is the youth he loved. 

明月依旧何来怅惘

So this continues from the previous line where LWJ pours out the pot of liquor and thinks of wwx. He stares at the moon and he asks the moon about his feelings.

明- bright

月- moon

依旧- still/as before/ unchanged (two characters are aligned with and old)

何 - what/why

来 - come

怅惘 - listless/distracted

“The moon still shines bright, so from whence does my listlessness come?” 

This echos poetry by Li Bai, Su Dongpo, Wang Anshi, Wang Changling, and basically anyone of note in chinese poetry. The image of a bright moon is often associated with wistful longing, missing loved ones, and inexplicable sorrow. Examples (via haoppo’s quick translation and any additional notes i think are relevant): 

秦时明月汉时关，万里长征人未还。——王昌龄《出塞》

The bright moon since Qin and the Pass since Han, 10000 li traveling, the people have not returned. 

( this is a poem about war. the moon and the pass symbolize how war has been continuous since these have existed. The 10000 li represents the distance between China proper and the borders. The people not returning are the soldiers. OOOOOF.)

明月几时有，把酒问青天。——苏轼《水调歌头》

When will the next bright moon be? I lift my liquor to ask the deep blue sky.

(This poem is ICONIC. It’s the on same one as where 人有悲欢离合，月有阴晴圆缺 is from. It’s very commonly associated with Mid Autumn Festival. The whole point of the festival is to look at the moon and realize everyone you love that is still alive is able to see that same moon. Sweet, sentimental, wistful)

春风又绿江南岸，明月何时照我还？——王安石《泊船瓜洲》

The spring breeze has brought greenness to the lands of Jiangnan. When will the moon’s light guide me home? 

(Jiangnan means south of the river. It’s a region in china south of the yangtze. Iconic because it includes Shanghai, Nanjing (nanking), Hangzhou, Suzhou, etc. Jiangnan is where a lot of cultural things happened in south china. Hangzhou and Suzhou are two of THE MOST BEAUTIFUL cities. There’s a saying that in the sky there is heaven and on earth we have hangzhou and suzhou. I can go on about this but this isn’t a post about how freaking much i love traveling in jiangnan.)

我寄愁心与明月，随风直到夜郎西。——李白《闻王昌龄左迁龙标遥有此寄》

I mail my sorrowful heart and bright moon, via wind, directly to west Yelang 

(I didn’t want to use the standard bright moon and frost poem we get whenever we think of Li Bai. But i also couldn’t not include Li Bai! So this one! Li Bai’s writing is pretty clear he has feels and he’s sending them to west Yelang. But what is west Yelang? It’s where his friend is! The poem is basically, hey, i heard you were at this palace so i’m writing you a poem and telling you how i want to be with you!)

So the next line is a tone shift and it’s more of a promise, IMO. This is WWX and LWJ’s wish. Not as heartbreaking but still part of the refrain so i want to include this in my post. 

不如 潇潇洒洒 历遍风和浪

This part is a MOOD and hard to translate. I will try to at least explain it. 

不如 - not as good as/would rather

潇潇洒洒 - freely/natural/easy/unrestrained (ope, isn’t this just wuji? :P)

历 - experience/weather

遍 - through

风 - wind

和 - and

浪 - waves

“I would rather freely experience all of life’s dangers.”

So, 潇潇洒洒 is just a MOOD. It’s the mood of a rogue cultivator untethered to rules. It’s the mood of the legendary masters in Wuxia Jianghu who does what they want and are completely at ease. They wander through towns righting wrongs and standing up for justice and then leave without a trace. It’s the feeling of wind in your hair as you stand at the top of a hill on a crisp day. It’s free of stress and pain and suffering. I think the closest thing i’ve seen in english is something like “footloose and fancy free” but without the romantic connotations. 

And then the experience + through  basically means experience all of or experience thoroughly. 

And wind + waves is a way of saying hardships, danger, or trials: the wind blows and waves come, the waves bring the ups and downs of life. I love how chinese words are very imagery based. 

天涯一曲共悠扬

tiān yá yì qǔ gòng yōu yang

天涯 - end of the earth (literally sky + cliff) 

一 - a 

曲 - song/tune

共 - together

悠扬 - melodious (leisurely + spread)

“Playing a melody together to the end of the earth.”

And this part of the song invokes the last scene of the show where WWX is playing a flute ON A CLIFF (note, end of earth = sky + cliff). I’m positive he’s there waiting for LWJ and trying to hasten LWJ’s appearance by playing THEIR SONG. 

Ok. I’m done. I’m going to go listen to this song and TRY NOT TO CRY. And it’s ONLY 4 LINES of the song! The rest of it is just as bad. Gaaaaaaaah. SO MANY FEELS. 

[sephspark]

The Untamed Characters as People In My Library

I work in a public library (extremely rural, extremely American) and was possessed by the idea of “children’s entertainer Wei Wuxian” and this spiraled from there. I’m a children’s librarian so my bias is Obvious.

Wei Wuxian: children’s musician/performer. Does dance/music programs, encouraging the kids to get up and move while he plays. Creates absolute chaos because 3 year olds are not coordinated, but no one cries. The kids’ favorite, even if he’s on thin ice with the rest of the staff. Technically, he’s not even staff, but his sister is the children’s librarian and he’s in so often he might as well be. Does most of his programs for free because “Musical Literacy Is Important, Wen Qing, I’m Not Going to Tell”. Writes his own programs to avoid paying royalties.

Lan Wangji: traditional children’s musician. Comes in once or twice during the summer to do cultural programs about Gusu music. Extremely popular, libraries fight over getting him in. Very reserved, quiet, not all that good with the kids but they love him anyway. Does a great job drumming up business for the local music teachers. You’d think he’d be expensive, but he lets the libraries name their price, and even then he usually negotiates down.

They’re usually scheduled to do programs on the same day or at least the same week, given the similar content. Get into fights frequently in the break room over pedagogical differences. Everyone keeps begging Jiang Yanli to schedule them further apart. She just smiles.

(Everyone except for Jiang Yanli is surprised when they go into business together. There’s a betting pool on the break room fridge for how long before one of them kills the other, and who’s going to snap first. MianMian wins with a write-in answer of “neither, they’re going to get married”.)

Jiang Yanli: youth services librarian. Everyone loves her. Knows all of the children by name, keeps in touch with their parents. The kids all call her shijie or jie-jie, even when they’re teenagers. A master at sliding informational cards into the hands of little queer kids without their parents seeing. Had two weddings: the actual ceremony, and then a second ceremony the next day where she wore her wedding robes to the library so “her” kids could see. She only meant to drop by for a few hours, but ended up staying and working the whole day, because Wen Yuan wouldn’t let go of her leg. She did delay her honeymoon by a day for that. Currently taking a year off to care for her newborn son.

Nie Huaisang: youth services librarian. Did Not Expect to be put in charge when Jiang Yanli left for a year. Better at it than you’d think; he’s been helping her run things behind the scenes for a while now (they have weekly “department meetings” where they lock themselves in the office and either scheme over the budget or complain about rude patrons). Kids like him because he’s “silly”. Definitely plays up being clumsier than he is, pretends he doesn’t know really simple information (kids are convinced he doesn’t know math), gets REALLY into it during story time. He’ll be happy to go back to being an assistant when A-Li gets back, but he’s still enjoying himself.

Mo XuanYu: youth services specialist. Fifteen minutes late to work with Starbucks everyday, but by god, they’re so short staffed they can’t afford to fire him. Also, he goes on coffee runs for the whole building. Also also, he’s got access to that Jin Clan money, in that Jin Guangshan paid him off to stay quiet about being a bastard until JGS croaked of a heart attack (no one cried). Hates kids. Why is he in the children’s department? It was better than packing boxes. GREAT with social media, a one-man marketing department. Reluctantly very good at puppet shows and is bullied into doing them weekly by Jiang Yanli. 

MianMian: circulation manager. Helps out in youth services when Nie Huaisang really needs it. In charge of the money. Looks sweet, great with families. Has a strict “do no harm but take no shit” policy. Has connections to all the shelters so she can send people somewhere they can get support instead of just throwing them out for trying to sleep in the alley or bathing in the bathroom. Never seen without a cup of coffee (once a month she’ll shove $100 into the hands of an intern and send them to the shop up the street to get coffee for the whole library). Has your back with combative patrons. Can, will, and has banned people from the building for being rude.

Wen Ning: shelver. Doesn’t talk a lot but takes great joy in making sure that the library is in perfect order. Knows where everything is. Probably knows every book in the library, but he’d never admit to it. Hears SO MUCH gossip. Will leave a book on someone’s table if they’re struggling that’s relevant to whatever they’re going through. Anonymously runs the online Readers’ Advisory blog column. Will push the kids around on the shelving cart if they ask (frequently gets in trouble for this). Has broken a cart pushing Wei Wuxian around (did not get in trouble for this because Wen Qing was too busy dragging Wei Wuxian to an inch of his life for being a bad influence).

Wen Qing: county librarian. Has this shit on lock. Takes no nonsense from the local government; she’s not here to flirt her way through budget meetings or sacrifice her intelligence so that the men in charge will give her funding. She’s run this library on a shoestring budget in the past and she’ll do it again before she plays the fool. Occasionally brings her nephew, Wen Yuan, to work with her for the day when his grandmother can’t care for him. Everyone respects her but they’re also a little terrified of her. She likes it that way.

Lan Xichen: adult services manager. Works very closely with the geneaology department. Like, VERY closely. Has seen everything you could possibly imagine. No longer reacts when patrons are watching porn, just remotely shuts their computer down from his desk. Great with old women. Occasionally ventures down to circulation to defuse the situations where MianMian can’t afford to kill someone/ban them from the building. Knows what you’re looking for before you even open your mouth. Knows exactly which “book with a red cover” you’re looking for. It’s a little freaky. Runs a weekly meeting to help college kids with their research projects (finding materials and proofreading), a meeting to help people with job applications, and a creative writing club. Desk is covered in thoeretical treatises and bodice-ripper romances.

Meng Yao: acquisitions and geneaology manager. You don’t ask how he gets those rare books, you just catalogue them. Made geneaology its own department, separate from adult services, even though he’s usually at Lan Xichen’s desk chatting and drinking tea. Definitely a geneaologist out of Spite but he’s good at cataloguing that kind of information in his brain, remembering who’s in what family and whose family had historical beef with who, who fought in what war...basically an encyclopedia. Runs a blog of the historical scandals he discovers through his patrons’ research, with names changed for privacy. There’s some REAL wild shit in there if you know where to look (he does). Does not speak much to Mo XuanYu, but they do trade the Look of two men who do not miss their deadbeat (dead) father. He’s the one who put up the betting pool on whether or not WWX and LWJ would kill each other. Still owes MianMian his part of the pool.

A-Qing (Xiao Qing): intern. Works in whatever department needs her the most that day. Always coming up with ways to make the library more accessible, even if she has to jury rig something herself. Takes coffee breaks with Mo XuanYu. Frequently overrides the time limit on the public computers for kids who are just trying to do their homework; an hour isn’t a lot of time to do a week’s worth of schoolwork, and most of them don’t have internet at home (or a stable home). She’s been there. Not allowed to work the circulation desk because she Will fight patrons if they try to get an attitude with her, and she’s not a manager, so she doesn’t have the power to fight them like MianMian does. 

HONORABLE MENTION:

Jin Zixuan: the library’s sugar daddy. Head of the Friends of the Library (aka the totally legal money laundering operation). Makes so many anonymous charitable donations whenever his wife mentions the library needs funds for something. Makes plenty of non-anonymous ones, too, but those are for the Big Things that are expected of someone in his position. To the public, the library is simply his passion project, his charity work. Everyone who knows him knows that he is 100% whipped for Jiang Yanli and would probably sign his soul over to the library if needed to keep the place afloat. Wen Qing KNOWS it’s him, but she can’t do anything about it, so they trade passive aggressive barbs at fundraising dinners and book sales. Has had at least one breakdown in front of MianMian where he asked her to get parenting books out of the children’s room for him because he couldn’t let A-LI KNOW that he’s WORRIED about having a CHILD! What if he turns out like his own father?! He doesn’t know how anything about raising children!!!

Song Lan: no one really knows what his job is, but it has something to do with private security and he’s not a cop because his daughter has an “ACAB” sticker on her water bottle. Definitely gave his cell number to everyone and told them to call him Just In Case a patron turns violent or there’s something happening in the parking lot (Nie Huaisang called him once when some frat bro was cat-calling the female staff; Wen Chao didn’t do that again). Looks like he could kill you, could actually kill you, and is a cinnamon roll. Likes to chat about philosophy with Lan Xichen. Has to have A-Qing help him use the computer every time he comes in. They’re all pretty sure he’s just playing dumb so his daughter can show off.

Xiao XingChen: an absolute goddamn delight of a patron. Comes in every two weeks and asks for some extremely obscure book you KNOW doesn’t exist in audio form (if it even exists in a form that isn’t “300 year old parchment paper”) but he always smiles and says his daughter will read it to him, they love talking about philosophy together, and you also KNOW A-Qing does because she’s co-opted the youth services supply closet as a recording booth. Always wants to listen when you’re stressed out and having a hard day. Probably a therapist? You don’t know what he does for a living, either, but you’re less afraid to ask him than you are his husband. Honestly it just seems rude that you don’t know at this point so you’re not going to admit ignorance! Don’t ask! Runs a community program helping teens get ready for college and apply for scholarships, in collaboration with Lan Xichen’s programs. Is he a school counselor? You’re still not going to ask.

Jiang Cheng: also part of The Friends of the Library with Jin Zixuan. They’ve got a begrudging partnership which is “we’re both whipped for the women in charge of this library and we’re going to give them Everything They Want”. Would be dating Wen Qing if it wasn’t a terrible breach of ethics. Makes love-sick puppy eyes at her during the monthly meetings. Comes in with the local animal shelter every Wednesday evening to promote the spay/neuter program and give coupons for it. He can’t have dogs because his brother is deathly allergic, but he can pet all the Good Boys and Girls at the shelter that he wants. He is a little tired of the “Cheng-spotting” Facebook group that Wei Wuxian started, where everyone posts candids of him walking various shelter dogs around town. (Actually he thinks it’s fun, but he’s never going to admit that.)

DISHONORABLE MENTION:

Xue Yang: has had his library card revoked. Does not wear headphones to listen to screamo music about dismemberment on the public computers. God, you hope he’s an anatomy student, you’re really tired of his search history. He says it’s “research” and then refuses to elaborate. For a paper? For a book?? For MURDER?! You don’t know! You don’t think you want to know! The reason Lan Xichen has a “kill switch” for the public computers. Banned from the premises but he keeps getting back in somehow.

[grandmasterofwangxiancultivation]

SV ch.49

not even new years eve’s preparations can stop me from reading this. and it begins with women bickering and lowkey fighting over lbh! ptf- ladies, he is gay for sqq. end of the story :3

EDIT: sqq analysis of the female characters is GOLD, like a true reader!

Looking at it from this perspective, Luo Binghe really… is doing quite miserably!

Dignified Stallion novel male protagonist, are you still okay in that department?

SQQ MAKING ME LAUGH IS THE BEST LAST GIFT OF 2018 THANK YOU. why do you think that’s the case, babe? lbh is waiting for someone special GUESS WHO. GUESS.

omg is someone going to tell him how gay lbh is for him? he even KEPT HIS CORPSE FORGODSAKE-

EDIT 2: 

Could it be that the male protagonist’s coolness level was now no longer tied to him? Or in other words, was the male protagonist’s “coolness” no longer here?

(THEY ARE TIED TO YOUR A- uhm.)

This… Shen Qingqiu couldn’t help but look up at the gloomy Luo Binghe, and suddenly felt like he couldn’t stare straight.

(he can’t stare straight a.k.a. how sqq became gay)

Oh no, could it be that he has committed a sin by raising a perfectly good Stallion novel protagonist… into an asexual?!

*chokes*

EDIT 3: 

He had clearly just been curiously onlooking in the Huan Hua Palace. How did he unknowingly walk into a bamboo forest? And no matter how he looked at it, it was a quite familiar bamboo forest….

(...WHAT THE hell? why is he in a forest, i’m confused-)

Cang Qiong Mountain, Qing Jing Peak.

(b u t- did he teleport himself there or something? WHAT IS HE DOING THERE, WHAT’S HAPPENING, EXPLAIN-)

EDIT 4:

System: [Your current location: Luo Binghe’s dreamscape.]

When Luo Binghe’s consciousness was unstable and wildly fluctuating, bystanders would often be affected. They would be sucked into this dreamscape as immense as a deep-sea whirlpool. In other words, they would get screwed by falling into his immeasurably vast “brain hole.” See the beginning of the original Dream Demon encounter transcript for details.

omg OMG LBH’S DREAMSCAPE I KNOW WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN, I THINK I KNOW, I THINK I READ IT SOMEWHERE OMG ARE THEY REALLY GONNA KISS? i don’t rembember where, but i saw a fan art with the two of them- OKAY BETTER KEEP READING

EDIT 5: 

Shen Qingqiu couldn’t help but lament: It’s been a long time since he last saw such a little fresh sunshine youth Luo Binghe. 

(aaaaaah teenage lbh gives me life alkfdpokajefpioeq but why do i feel like that’s a trick?)

As he strode over, Luo Binghe called out in high spirits: “Shizun!”

Shen Qingqiu was hidden in the dark, so this was naturally not directed at him. He turned his gaze and indeed saw someone wearing a green robe standing at the end of the stone-paved road.

(OMG I’M SHIVERING, sqq watching himself an lbh together, pls, gayness, pls can you SPARK RIGHT NOW-)

Luo Binghe obediently tried again. As a result, this time Luo Binghe did not ram into him. Instead, with a slip of his feet, he directly hugged Shen Qingqiu’s waist.

(such a clever little shit, look how cute he is hugging his beloved shizun :3)

EDIT 6:

In the dreamscape enchantment that Luo Binghe created for himself, he would certainly only choose memories he felt were the most beautiful. If the memories of Qing Jing Peak could occupy a place here, they should be related to Ning Yingying. Why would there be this section?

(I- *sighs and throws her arms in the air* I give uP, I GIVE UP HOW CAN HE E THIS OBLIVIOUS? THE ANSWER IS IN THE QUESTION!!!! if the memories he feels are the most beautiful are those with you, wHAT DO YOU THINK THAT M E A N S-)

Thinking like this seemed a little vain, but…… probably… perhaps… just maybe… this section of master-disciple affection was placed a bit higher in Luo Binghe’s heart than Shen Qingqiu had imagined?

(COME ON SHIZUN, COME ON, YOU CAN DO IT! THAT’S THE RIGHT DIRECTION!)

EDIT 7:

Suddenly, a thread of chilly air crept up Shen Qingqiu’s neck, as if there was a both cold and hot line of sight climbing up along his spine.

(SHIT HE IS HERE. HE IS HERE.)

Shen Qingqiu’s first reaction wasn’t to take to his heels and start sprinting for it, but to stay in place and adjust his facial expression to his most natural.

(i love that he doesn’t really fear him. i love this, so much words can’t even begin to convey it. PLS LET LBH KNOW IT’S YOU. PLEASE)

EDIT 8: 

Shen Qingqiu braced himself and met his gaze.

After a long while, it was Luo Binghe who first sighed.

He murmured: “Being able to dream… is still nice.”

(OKAY WHAT DOES IT MEAN, LBH THINKS THAT SQQ IS PART OF THE DREAM? WHAT. BIG, POWERFUL DREAM LORD, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THAT’S THE REAL THING!! ODIJGOEIJGFIER THESE TWO WILL BREAK ME-

also, lbh pls don’t be so sad and anguished, or else i’ll feel like dying-)

Seeing him leaning against the bamboo and staring blankly, Shen Qingqiu remembered his dazed appearance on the head seat during the day, all alone. Then upon comparing this version of him with the impressive commanding splendor of the original work, Shen Qingqiu couldn’t help but feel a little sad.

(omg my heart, mY HEART. PLS SHIZUN. YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN GIVE HIM HAPPINESS.)

EDIT 9:

Luo Binghe said: “I wonder if Shizun could have a word with me.”

Shen Qingqiu’s heart was currently filled with sympathy for Luo Binghe, so he pleasantly and amiably replied: “Okay. What do you want to talk about?”

He didn’t expect that after he spoke up, Luo Binghe instead froze. He instantly stood up straight and left the bamboo, a trace of disbelief showing on his face.

Oops. Shen Qingqiu thought: Does he think this reaction isn’t right?

(ANXIETY

sqq stop talking bullshit, what you are feeling is called love, not sympathy-)

After remaining silent for a while, Luo Binghe spoke up: “In the past, Shizun never even bothered to look at me, just walked off on his own, don’t even mention talking with me. Perhaps my imagination today is a little too beautiful.”

Shen Qingqiu’s heart stirred.

(OMG I FEEL LIKE CRYING, HOW LONELY HAD MY BABY BEEN UNTIL NOW, THIS IS SO UNFAIR, PLS GIVE HIM HIS SHIZUN, BE HIS SHIZUN AGAIN SOHVCOIWJFIOW)

EDIT 10: sqq patting lbh’s head gives me the same chills that wwx’s calling lwj “er gege” gives me.

He had barely patted twice when all of a sudden, Luo Binghe raised his arm, his left hand gripping Shen Qingqiu’s left wrist.

Shen Qingqiu’s expression solidified as he thought: Isn’t this a bit too close?

(AND IT SEEMS LIKE SOMETHING IS HAPPENING OMG)

Immediately afterward, his right wrist was also firmly grasped. Suddenly looking up, Shen Qingqiu felt his vision blur.

As if gently touched by feathers, his cheeks were swept. A strange sensation came from his lips, both soft and slightly cool.

His eyes opened wide, meeting Luo Binghe’s dark pupils. His throat bobbed with difficulty.

He wanted to speak but had no way to open his mouth. Because his mouth was bitten.

(omg OMG YES-)

EDIT 11: LSKFNPISJOPKDGPOKSROPGKWRO

EDIT 12:

What ultimately breached his state of complete breakdown was a system reminder accompanied by its own celebratory BGM: [Coolness Points +500! Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! Important things must be said three times! ]

THE SYSTEM GIVING HIM COOL POINTS FOR BEING GAY IS LIFE

Shen Qingqiu: “What. The. F***——————?!?!”

He finally understood why Luo Binghe had not pushed down a single girl to the point where not a single shadow of the 3000 harem beauties had been seen, yet the coolness points had never decreased.

Because he had used Shen Qingqiu to make up for the coolness points aaaaaaahhhhh!!!

FINALLY. FINALLY GUYS, FINALLY, I CAN’T BELIEVE I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD!!! WHAT A BEATIFUL WAY TO END THE YEAR, THANK YOU SO MCH MXTX!!!

SQQ DON’T BE AN IDIOT ABOUT IT AND K I S S  H I M  B A C K omg i need ch.50 NOW

[angstymdzsthoughts]

So I kinda couldn’t stop thinking of this little au and I ended up bouncing ideas off of a few friends and... Part 2

-

After the two of them elope LWJ tells WWX that LSZ is Wen Yuan and WWX is super, super happy but the next time he sees LSZ he takes a long hard look at him and has the horrible realization that this boy isn’t his A-Yuan. Yeah, 13 years can change a lot but something just don’t change- like the color of eyes and the placement of birthmark and the little mole by WY’s left eyebrow. He swallows down his crushing disappointment and doesn't say anything to LWJ or LSZ. LSZ doesn't say anything either. A few weeks later WWX goes back to the Burial Mounds with WN and they find little WY’s remains inside that tree. The two of them give him a proper burial.

After burying WY, WWX returns home to the Cloud Recesses and does his best to live a happy life. He accepts LSZ into his life even though the boy having his sons identity is a bitter pill to swallow because it’s not the kids fault and even though he isn’t WY he is LWJ’s son and he’s a good kid. He gets the impression that LSZ knows he isn’t WY but neither of them talk about it and have a silent agreement to never say anything to LWJ. He won’t let the past haunt him or let regrets blind him from the good life he has now.

WEN NING ON THE OTHER HAND…

He avoids LSZ whenever he can. Resentment consumes him much easier then most people what with being a fierce corpse and all that and he’s having a harder time accepting the whole situation. LSZ and WWX understand and don’t try to push him but LWJ is angry with how WN treats LSZ. WWX tries to defend him and excuse his actions. 'Oh WN is just enjoying his freedom! He wants to see the world and travel a bit and he doesn't want to keep LSZ away from his classes for months at a time'

And you can see where LWJ is coming from because he wants LSZ to have more family who loves him and WN is his only connection to the Wens and it seems like WN is ignoring him

It doesn’t take long for LWJ to get tired of it so he confronts WN and is like “you just found out the only surviving member of your clan is alive, and you’re pushing him away?”

And WN snaps “That’s not A-Yuan! A-Yuan’s body has been sitting in that goddamn tree for 13 years! Master Wei and I had to bury him! This boy. . . I have no idea who he is!”

LWJ just gets angrier. How dare he say such an awful thing! How dare he reject LSZ like this!

LWJ goes home still angry but over the next few days he just. Can’t stop thinking about it. He remembers finding WY in a tree... but he also remembers finding WY miraculous unharmed in the middle of a forest. A forest that was lush and green and definitely not in the Burial Mounds. He slowly begins to realize that something isn’t right here and talks to WWX, questioning him about what WN said. WWX can’t lie to his husband and admits to everything.

LWJ is in denial for a while. Of course LSZ is WY! WWXs memory has always been bad, maybe he just forgot the exact color of WY’s eyes. Never mind that WWX lived with a saw WY every single day while they were living in the Burial Mounds while LWJ only had a few hours with the boy a year before the siege of the Burial Mounds…

LWJ slowly starts to see reason and asks to be taken to WYs grave. WWX takes him there and tells him about how he hid WY inside a hollow tree and told him to wait for him. LWJ has a break down at WYs grave, crying and apologizing for failing him, for not finding him in time to save him, for leaving his body behind alone and forgotten. WWX is there to comfort and reassure him that it isn’t his fault and that he doesn’t blame him.

Things get worse when they return to the Cloud Recesses and LSZ is waiting for them, eager to welcome his adopted fathers home. LWJ gets a second breakdown because one just isn’t enough. What has he done? What unimaginable heartache did he cause by taking LSZ and claiming him as his own? He stole a child away from his family and forced him to take a new name in order to live out his delusions of saving WWXs son. He loves LSZ and is so proud of the young man he is becoming but he can’t even look at his son without feeling ashamed and disgusted with himself.

He and WWX go into seclusion for a few months and turn away LSZ whenever he tries to visit. LSZ is scared that hes loosing his father and family for something he had no control over. LSZ was willing to continue to lie to himself for the rest of his life if it meant he wouldn't lose his family but it's all falling apart and now his father can’t even look at him.

What if Wen Yuan really died at the Siege of the Burial Mounds? LWJ arives finding nothing but bodies, including one very small body. He snaps. He kidnaps another small boy who looks enough like Wen Yuan to trick his broken mind, and he takes that boy back to Cloud Recesses. Perhaps that boy was also feverish, or the trauma of the event blotted out his memory, but what happens when LSZ starts to recall his early life, and it's not radishes and Xian-gege but another family that loved him?

He remembers a little farm with chickens and potatoes and children. He can’t remember how many siblings he had, but he knew that he was loved. He had a mother and father who worked hard and loved him but he cannot remember their faces. He remembers going out to play and wondering too far away from home. He ran into a man in beautiful white robes who was crying without making a sound. 

He had been worried. He asked the man if he was alright.

“... A-Yuan,” the man had said. The man was looking at him but he didn’t think the man actually saw him.

“Thats right, gege,” he had said with a smile. “I’m A-Yuan!”

Thats right. He remembers that by a twist of fate his birth name was Yuan. He cannot remember his surname.

“Yuan...” the man had said again. Some light returned to his eyes and he reached for the child. “Yuan is alive.”

He remembers how he didn’t protest being picked up, how he had been amazed by the clouds in the sky while they flew far far away from the little farm and his loving family. He can remember asking Lan Xichen when he would be going back home and being told that this was his new home. It was purely coincidental that he caught a fever that night.