#LOVE YOU SO MUCH CEE OH MY GOD

[goldenduckie]

YOUR USERNAME

OHHHH HLORD ABOVE

SAY IT ISN’T SO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE THE

YOUR THE IS MISSING

are you not on speaking terms with it anymore this is so sad..

but im a creep…

im a weirdo…

i am sing sad song…. (or whatever the next lyric was idk i don’t listen to green day)

RIP THE 😿😿…… th

AHAHAHAHHAH CEEEEEEE CEEE WAAKNSJSJSMSJSJKKS IM CACKLING SOO HARD RN

heh yeah… im just different… times are hard and im just a golden duckie in a sea of the… the the is GONE!!!

[lawsvalentine]

Your writing is so good, Bless you for existing🙏❤️ I hope you're doing well :] Can I please request Sanji and his girlfriend? (I'm totally projecting here with this) she has shit self-esteem and is always putting herself down? Like, she'll laugh and make fun of herself like it's no big deal, but deep down she just feels ugly and stupid? How would Sanji go about this with her? Sorry this is kind of depressing haha

Flaws and All • Sanji x Fem!reader •

(Fluff)

CW: established relationship, use of pet names(mon amour, my love, darling, etc), reader is a bit insecure, reader makes self-deprecating jokes,

Cee’s Note: Aw thank you! This was so sweet 😙 I’m doing well thanks for asking. This is such a cute idea 🤭 hope you enjoy

Song Cred: Flaws and all- Beyonce

“And for you, mon amour?”

You two were currently in the kitchen where Sanji began prepping for lunch. He already had a meal planned out for the rest of the crew, but for you, he always asked you specifically what you wanted.

When you’re the chef’s girlfriend, you can expect these special privileges.

You gave him a request of your favorite food and he wasted no time getting to work. You two made small chat in the meantime while he cooked.

“Here you go, my darling” he smiled lovingly at you.

You took your first bite, and you let out a satisfied hum at the flavors eliciting your tastebuds. Sanji’s eyes warmed at the sight of you enjoying his food.

“Amazing as always,” you say as you finish your last bite.

Sanji chuckles, “Thank you my dear, would you like some more?”

“Oh I really shouldn’t,” you shake your head.

“I’ll make as much as you want, just say the word,” Sanji winks at you.

“Your food is dangerous, ya know ” you chuckle, “Imma wind up fatter than I already am if I don’t have some self control.”

Sanji’s smile faded at your words and an awkward silence fell over you two when you realized you were the only one laughing.

You shifted in your seat uncomfortably, unable to read your boyfriend’s expression.

‘Is he upset with me? ‘

‘Did I offend him by not accepting his offer for more food?’

‘God I’m so stupid’

“Y/N,” Sanji said softly, breaking the silence and taking you out of your thoughts.

“Yes?”

“Why do you say such mean things about yourself?” Sanji said concernedly.

Your eyes widened at his words. You wanted to say that it was just a joke and that it didn’t mean anything. But you would be lying, not only to Sanji but yourself if you were to say that.

Sanji had noticed your sly jabs at yourself throughout the conversations you two have shared and every time you did it, you would laugh it off almost like you were poking fun at yourself.

“I-I don’t-“ you fiddled with your fingers, avoiding eye contact with Sanji.

Suddenly you felt the tip of his fingertips at your chin as he lifts your head to meet his eyes.

“Please tell me why,” Sanji said, you could see the sadness in his eyes and you hated that you were the cause of that.

Your eyes shifted, struggling to look him in the eyes as you confess, “I don’t know what you see in me”

Sanji’s head cocked to side slightly, a confused look on his face.

“I’m not pretty like Nami or as intelligent as Robin. I’m not special in any way. I don’t get why you’re even with me,” you could feel your eyes brim with tears as you finally let out what you’ve been holding in for so long.

You suddenly felt yourself against your lover’s lean chest and his toned arms wrapped around you.

“I wish you could see yourself the way I do,” Sanji whispered in your ear.

You could feel the tears stream down your cheeks as you quietly sob in his chest.

“I’ll tell you what I see,” Sanji says, once again lifting your head to meet his loving gaze, “I see a beautiful girl, inside and out, who has completely stolen my heart.”

The thumb of his hand caressed your tear-stained cheek, “ When I’m with you I feel love-“ he pauses to peck your cheek.

“Lust,” he whispers, his lips grazing your ear down to your jawline, a sigh leaving your lips at the subtle contact.

“I feel like the luckiest man in the world, to get to hold you and kiss you like this,” he says, inches away from your face.

Looking in his eyes, you felt every emotion he was feeling and you started to think if someone like him could love you like this, maybe what he was saying wasn’t so hard to believe.

“I love you, Sanji,” you say, bringing your arms to wrap around his neck.

“I love you more, mon amour” he smiles about to lean in before you press a finger to his lips, stopping him in his tracks.

“Flaws and all?” You say with a cocked eyebrow.

“What flaws?” Sanji says cheekily, before capturing your lips in a kiss.

[aradassbadass]

cellular sentiment | ceedee lamb ꨄ ii

you sigh and unlock the door opening it only enough to peek out and low and behold its cedarian with a big goofy smile on his face and a bouquet of flowers in his hand.

your face is blank as you stand there processing the man in front of you.

“well i guess you know why i turned off my location.” he laughs nervously breaking the silence.

moments pass, your heart is beating a mile a minute and your brain cant form a proper sentence. you see his smile begin to fade and it suddenly brings all the words back into your being.

“yeah um its cool, im sorry um c-come in.” you stammer stepping out of the doorway so he can enter.

he cautiously steps inside the door closing it behind him once inside.

“i got these for you.” he says shyly reaching out to hand you a bouquet of pink lilies and you cant help but smile.

“thank you so much, howd you know lilies were my favorite?” you say happily accepting them.

“ you said you lilies were your favorite flowers because your mom always grew them.”

“oh my, no way you actually remember that God im about to cry.” grabbing an old vase you have sitting on your island. “please sit down, make yourself at home.”

you go into the kitchen and fill the vase with water, carefully unwrapping the flowers and a note falls out.

“when’d you get a coffee table?” you hear him call from the living room.

“uh, last week it was on market place for twenty bucks.” you call back opening the note.

‘ may these bring you the same joy that your friendship brings me - cee ‘

you smile and place the note in your pocket of your gown for later.

“damn only twenty dollars- i swear you always find the best stuff on there.” he says and youre brought back into reality.

“yeah, dumb luck i guess.” you said going to the stove and removing the steaks that were searing and placing them on a cutting board to rest. you open the oven and check the potatoes making sure they were still cooking as you wanted them to before closing it and heading into the living room.

he is sitting on the small velvet burnt orange love seat you have and you sit in the recliner diagonal to him. you cant help but stare. it feels like some sort of weird dream- him being there in the flesh.

this time it was you who broke the silence, “this is crazy.”

“im sorry, i knew i shouldn’t have just came here out of nowhere without warning. i just really wanted to see see you. in person you know. like with everything going on with the team and all. i-i dont know. i just thought this would be a good little escape, talking to you always feels like one i figured being with you here would actually be just that. i dont know i-im sorry, i can leave.” he rambles standing up.

“no, please stay.” you say getting up and grabbing his arm. he’s warm to the touch and you cant help let your hand linger there. “i didn’t mean it like that i just meant its crazy that im actually like meeting you finally. like it doesnt seem real- you dont seem real.”

his eyes bore down into your own and he suddenly places a large hand atop of yours, “it feel real though, right?” he quizzes and you nod.

“thats all that matters then.”he smiles.

and just as quickly as your nerves had came they vanished in an instant. he was right- it was real.

“yeah, youre right.” you say gently pulling your hand from under his and sitting back down and he follows in suit.

the silence is no longer awkward its akin to that of how you would sit on facetime when he was watching film and you were reading before bed.

“so did yall actually lose?” you question.

“what do you think?” he says flatly and you laugh.

“damn, sucks to suck.” you say getting up and going into the kitchen grabbing an oven mitt.

“wow, thanks for the sympathy.” he says sarcastically. you shrug and pull out the potatoes smiling at how crisp they were.

“perfection.” you mumble to yourself.

“what?” he says appearing behind you causing you to jump.

“nothing God dont sneak up on me like that, fuck.” you exclaim sitting the pan down and removing your mitt.

he ignores you, “hmm, looks burnt.”

your roll your eyes, “aint burnt and it aint for you, you sassy fuck.”

he laughs and sits at one of the stools by the island, “im just playing, looks good.”

you smile at the compliment and pull out your two nicest plates- thrifted of course and begin plating the meals.

“damn no paper plates tonight, i feel special.” he laughs.

“only the best for you lord lamb.” you say placing his plate in front of him.

he laughs and pops a potato into his mouth and you watch for any signs of disapproval, satisfied when you see none and take takes another.

as you begin eating your steak you hear him moan and your eyes shoot over to him.

“this good as fuck.” he says mouth still full and you giggle and nod chewing your own food. the rest of the dinner is silent aside from his occasional moans of approval.

“where you going?” you ask as he gets up grabbing your plate.

“to do the dishes.” he says as if you should have known that.

“thats sweet but no. i can do them just sit them in there.” you motion at the sink and to your dismay he continues on against your wishes.

you sit there and watch as he does it finally taking a moment to take him in. tall, lean and extremely handsome. his locs are pulled up in a sloppy bun and he donned a grey cowboys sweatshirt but his sleeves were rolled up. you admired the tattoos that dances up his wrist and disappeared into his clothes.

“i look good or sum?” he smirks and you do your best to keep a straight face but internally your screaming. “you look alright.”

“damn just alright?” he laughs and for your sake you just change the subject.

“so you wanna spend the night?”

he abruptly stops and glances at you and it feels like you may have said the wrong thing.

“im sorry, not like that or nothing like you can take my bed. you know its just late and you dont need to be driving on 20 right now.” you ramble trying to explain yourself.

“nah, yeah i get it i just aint expect you to offer. yeah ill spend the night!” he says turning off the water. “you can have your bed too, i know you got work in the morning.”

“boy you got practice tomorrow and you just literally played a game tonight i think ill be fine on the recliner.” you protest getting up from the stool and going over to the recliner.

“dont piss me off we been doing good, just get in the bed.” he say following right in suit behind you.

“cedarian you aint nobody damn daddy.” you huff sitting down in the chair.

he rolls his eyes before lifting you up and trudging to your bedroom.

“what the fuck cedarian put me down! im not playing put me down! ” you cry as he finally throws you onto your bed.

“hush, now go to sleep.” he says heading back towards the door.

“wait, come lay down at least. you can at least lay here till i go to sleep.” you say just wanting his presence near. he doesnt protest he just comes and plops down on the side opposite of you.

“thank you.” you mumble switching your lamp off and turning back to him.

you both lay in silence mere inches separating you and you cant help but yearn to close the gap and fall asleep in his arms. his smell is enticing and inviting. he is everything you thought he would be and more.

“goodnight cee.” you mumble shaking yourself of your thoughts.

“goodnight.” he says throwing an arm over you and pulling you into his chest.

you could only basked in the bliss of his body on yours momentarily before your subconscious fell into your state of rest.

some more lil fluff for yall💋 worry not smut will ensue soon!

[cinnamanz]

haiaia guys😂😂😁😁. u r lowkeu my goat for life w how much u update only on camera BUT ANYW. sososoo random. but i need to get another person to agree w me on this bc I SWEAR. i am so right and i've legit only gotten one person to agree w me but. TELL me megan as a guy looks like central cee. LIKE on everybody's soul BUT MINE they look similar. like they would prob be roadmen tg idc😭😭😭💔💔💔 PLEASE tell me im onto sumn & not that im on sumn. thanm u.

anyway i love yiu my giat neveer die pls i fear ur smau only on camera made me get back into editing bc i finally fjnished this dani edit to lunch by billie 🫡🫡 #HUZZAH!!!! consider that as my thank u for consistently updating only on camera ok bue 😁😁😁 endinf my mini yap

ninguitar that edit... ohhhhhh im in shambles come here rn nd ill give u a kiss on the lips bcs that is INSANE i had to sit up and jump arnd my room like a child oh my god bless u you absolute angel sent from heaven. also regarding the megan n central cee lookalike thing... i lwk see it😧😧 that is TERRIFYING.

[whyse7vn]

MR BANG? -

[ot7 x reader]

DRUGGIES

8 participants - 8 online

———————————

jk: be honest do you guys love me

cuz why did you let me do a song with central cee…

yoongi: wanted to laugh

y/n: you didn’t even tell me

hobi: i actually begged you not to if i remember correctly!

jimin: what is central cee??

jin: what are we taking about

tae: when he said “im not a her father” it really resonated with me cuz i’m also not her father

y/n: who is her?

hobi: the block b song?

jk: wish i was her

jimin: central cee?? do i know central cee?? is this like jack hammer’s cousin or something

jin: tf is jack hammer?

yoongi: jack harlow

y/n: jack and jill something about a hill

jin: what is actually going on

hobi: too much!!!!

jk: did you like the song tho

yoongi: no!

jk: minus jack harlow

y/n: you did another song with jack harlow??

jk: i mean central cee

hobi: celery

jimin: TF IS A CENTRAL CEE??????

jin: wow i’m loosing my mind

jin added namjoon to “DRUGGIES”

tae: that’s not namjoons number

jin: yes it is

tae: omg wait

why do have two namjoons in my contacts??

jin: idk tf

leave me alone

namjoon: i am done interacting with you guys outside of work hours

jimin: do you know central cee namjoon?

hobi: we have work hours?

tae: why do i actually have 2 namjoons

i’m freaking out

do you have a twin joon?????

namjoon: no

tae: ok but why do i have two of you then??

explain that

i bet you can’t

namjoon: stop talking to me

now.

y/n: now.

hobi: that was so alpha x reader of you joonie

yoongi: x reader?

tae: alpha???

jk: namjoon has a twin?

jin: ew

someone kill it

tae: should i add the twin to the gc?

y/n: no

jk: yesssss!!!

tae added Bang PD to “DRUGGIES”

jimin: oh

tae: hello namjoons twin!!

quick question when we had that threesome did you happen to feel anything??

namjoom: OH MY GOD???

namjoon changed the gc name to “bts💜”

tae: just want to know if that twin telepathy stuff is real

hobi: do you even know what telepathy is?

tae: yeah

jimin: i highly doubt that actually!

tae: come on joon number 2 you can tell me!!!

bang pd: Wow Taehyung and Namjoon have had a threesome together?

That is what you guys do on your days off?

namjoon: HES JOKING sir lol!!

i am so sorry idk why he even said that

tae: sir lmao??????

don’t tell me ur the younger twin 😭

yoongi: wow he’s dumb as fuck

y/n: ??omg

mr bang!!!!!!!!

bff what are you doing here???

tae: what?

Bang PD: Y/n ☺️!!!

I actually have no idea it seems Taehyung has added me in here under the impression i am Namjoons twin?

tae: oh my god…….

OH MY GOD….

OH MY GOD

jin: yeah

Bang PD: It’s ok i can leave if you would like me too.

y/n: don’t be silly you can stay!!!!!!!

namjoon: sir don’t worry you can stay! we don’t really talk much here anyways

jk: yes we do

why is he lying

namjoon: no we don’t

jk: ???????

we talk here everyday

basically every hour

omg just like my song

every hour

every minute

every second

hehhehehe

jimin: yk jk can’t take a hint

idk why ur trying namjoon

namjoon: so how was your day sir?

Bang PD: It was good thanks for asking!

How was yours?

namjoon: busy as usual!

jk: why is he lying again

he was at our house

wasn’t he y/n??

he didn’t even do anything

he just sat there…

Bang PD: Oh?

namjoon: HA HA HA WOW JUNGKOOK UR SO FUNNY

wow classic jungkook!!!

don’t be silly you know i was in the studio working on the song coming out soon ha ha lol

jimin: i’m telling you he’s not gonna get it…

jk: is namjoon ok?

why is he acting strange

and lying

bet it’s the coke 😭

y/n: LMAO

not funny

Bang PD: Ha i hope that’s a joke jungkook😂

namjoon: IT IS

IT REALLY IS HA LOL

rigHT GUYs??????

hobi: HA HA HA JUNGKOOK UR SO FUNNY WOW UR HILARIOUS ACTUALLY WOW LOL

yoongi: ???

oh

yeah

sooooo funny lol

jin: 😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

jimin: wow ur so silly jungkook!

tae: LOOOOOOOL

jk: i’m not joking

namjoon: you are

jk: i’m not :(

namjoon: i’m telling you

you are

jk: why

Bang PD: Sorry guys as much fun as it was talking to you all i must leave now.

I hope you all enjoy your weekend and don’t cause too much trouble haha

The leaked chats was enough drama for this year!!!

y/n: ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

leaving so soon

bye bff

namjoon: goodbye sir please take care of yourself and we will definitely keep out of troubles way haha

right guys???

tae: ig

jimin: ofc bye mr bang ☺️!

jin: yes no trouble for us !!

even thought it wasn’t even my fault LOL

bye mr bang💓

yoongi: yup 👍🏻

bye

hobi: no trouble no drama!! it was nice speaking to you!!!

jk: GOODBYE MR BANG 😆

Bang PD: and before i go y/n i hope you and Jaehyun are doing well ❤️

Bang PD left “bts💜”

yoongi: huh

jin: OHMYGOD??/?:£7.

namjoon: um

jimin: HELPPPPPPPCPFFOFOFOLFK

jk: NO SAY THIS IS FUCKING FAKE OHMUGOD

hobi: wait plot twist

tae: SHUT THE FUCK UP????????????????

y/n: wow um

that’s CRAZY wow

WHAT A FUCKING SNAKE BTW

but um

wow

i swear i can explain!

WOOOOW

UM

ok maybe i can’t lol

wow

y/ns first time left speechless 😱

first time for everything hahahaha

ok that wasn’t funny

soooo like wooooowww that was crazy

why did tae have mr bang saved under joons name ??

he’s so silly am i right or am i right??

jk: i’m going to kill myself

tae: i’ve never fallen to my knees so hard before

yoongi: nct lame as hell

namjoon: so are you dating him or?????

jk: IS THIS WHY yOU HAVENT KISSED ME IN LIKE 4MONTHS?/£:&;&; OH MY GOD

IM GONNA YEHSNDCN XNDJCJJSKFJJDMDIXJCJVK

THERE IS ANOTHER MAN

IM GOJNA KMS

IOHMXUXUDICICJDNDJCJ

y/n: ok so basically

y/n left “bts💜”

jimin: she’s so real for that

hobi: feminism

jin: LWMSODOOFO

yoongi added y/n to “bts💜”

namjoon: let’s move on

yoongi: no wtf???

y/n: hi guys !!!😁😁😁😁😁

hobi: in my baggy baggy baggy baggy baggy baggy jeans

jimin: be honest was try again about you

hobi: pls remember my answer is you 😉

jin: thought she liked mark lee

tae: she liked me once

sighs

jk: sHE LIKED MEFIRST

yoongi: yeah now ur lying

jimin: ohmygod cat fight!!!!!!

namjoon: now is not the time guys

hobi: look at joon trying to be the voice of reason

we know you mad asf rn don’t pretend 😭

namjoon: shut the fuck up both of you

jin: i’m on y/ns side i support women’s rights and wrongs!!!!

y/n: I AM NOT IN THE WRONG

jin: yeah ok you go girl!!!!!

yoongi: u saying ur not in the wrong is crazy lmao

jimin: NOO CUZZ WHY THEY FR FIGHTING JIN HOBI ARE YOU SEEING THIS

hobi: LAMSKDKKDODNDJSKSJD

THIS IS CRAZYYY

jin: TEAM Y/N!!!!!!!!!!

namjoon: stop

hobi: yk what didn’t stop

y/n when she made jaehyun her boyfriend

jimin: LAMOSDODOODODODJ

jin: HELP ME OHMUGOFJDJDJXB

y/n: okay guys shut the fuck up 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

—

okay LMAO this was clearly an unfinished work lmao but it was so silly not to post LIKE??? and this was obviously written right after too much came out and then i edited a little of it today but yeah still hope it was silly and cool enough for you all >\\\<

tags: @piw6n @92jinnies @birdie-vhs @kooksmilitarywife @hob3loveofmylife @jujubiism @bloopkook @ratchetpizza1 @myntalks @arloo00 @watamotee33 @y2kcy3brz @taiwan0618 @indigobsessed @freyadanvers @gguksbeloved @raetf @bbsantc @winuvs @medicinemybish @bxnnyhime @leleluvsbts @baetukki @zyaaaszn @thelilbutifulthings @yojaschill @k4ngelz @jmnscutie

[perotovar]

hey sweeties!! kel and i put a list together of all the submissions we got for our event and split them into two masterlists of fics for you all to read and enjoy! this is my part of the list, so if you don't see yours give @beskarandblasters 's list >here< a look and see if that's where your fic/submission ended up!

we can't thank you enough for submitting and helping us give a voice to the smaller writers of the fandom ♥ oh, and for any multi chapter fics/series, we only read the first chapters to make it fair!

please make sure to read each fic's warnings carefully and happy reading! ♥

@iamskyereads - Compulsion (Ezra x ofc!Beatrice)

i can't even begin to describe how much i love this fic already. it's so smart and the worldbuilding?? incredible!! it feels like a sequel to the film, or like it could easily take place in the same universe. just brilliant. and ezra's voice is so clear here, i could hear him saying every word. and the oc, beatrice, is fascinating already, i can't wait to see where it goes!

@all-the-way-down-here - This Is Why We Fight (Dieter x nb!oc!Bell)

i love the start of this. both dieter and bell have excellent characterization and the conversations being had by every character feel so real and are so important. bell's group of friends all sound like friends i would have, and i would love to hang out with them. i love the direction this is going!

@linzels-blog - Delta Palms Tropical Resort (Frankie x f!reader)

ahh what a delightful little fic! it feels very much like an early 2000s rom com and i mean that in the best way! very cute and i love the vibes. everyone's characterization is great and i can't wait to sink my teeth into the rest of it!

@elvenmother - Context and Perspective (Marcus M x f!reader)

completely obsessed with this concept. i love a good enemies to lovers and this is such an awesome way to do it! i always see marcus m fics featuring someone without superpowers, but to have a character that's just as powerful as him? sign me up!

@kedsandtubesocks - In the Dead of the Night (Din x f!reader)

one of my absolute favorite din fics. the worldbuilding and din's creature form is incredible. i love a horror au that's flipped on its head. i also love the "creature is also the hunter" trope and this does that incredibly well. the atmosphere is off the charts.

@ghostofaboy - Rock Bottom (Frankie x original male characters)

god, i don't even know where to begin with this story. it's so raw and visceral and i can't say enough how much i enjoy it. i love reading something new and especially if it's coming from a male perspective. this is, unfortunately, something i could see frankie getting up to. frankie is such a deeply tragic character and this fic does that justice in a dark, but really intriguing way.

@ishabull - The Way We Were Drawn (Marcus P x f!reader)

ohh this is such a sweet fic. i love the imagery painted and the dynamic between marcus and reader is so sweet!

@secretelephanttattoo - Headshots (Marcus P x f!reader)

this fic is beyond sweet and so dreamy. the ideal scenario for anyone, in my humble opinion. who wouldn't want to take pictures of handsome fbi agents and then fall in love with said agent?

@lesbianhotch - you walk by and i fall to pieces (Frankie x f!reader)

THIS WAS THE CUTEST DAMN THING. i love me a nervous frankie (hello, have you read my fic lmao) and this was by far one of the cutest. i'm obsessed with reader's confidence and i just know those two are gonna be menaces once they're together. throw in some patsy cline and i am a goner. this is going on the reread list for sure.

@insomniamamma - Remain Nameless (Ezra & Cee w/ gn!reader)

ok, this one actually made me cry. i'm not sure if it's my own sleep-deprived ass that caused it but this is probably one of the most beautiful but sad fics i've read in a long time. i mean all of this in the best way because i don't normally get emotional from fics. prospect as a movie makes me emotional, though, so it doesn't surprise me that this did as well. it's such an incredible missing scene that i can, unfortunately, see absolutely happening. have some tissues nearby.

@sweetercalypso - Unlikely Friends (Joel x gn!reader)

this fic is one of my absolute favorite fics for joel. a big reason for that is i have a cat named tilly. and imagining joel reluctantly and grumpily cuddling with my tilly makes me emotional, ok??

@softstarlite - The Casualty of Love (Javi P x f!reader)

very cute! i love the awkward tension around not seeing someone for so long and there being a huge glow up maturity-wise from one of them! seeing someone in a new light is always a strange thing and i love the start to these two and their journey!

@julesonrecord - Shots (Jack x f!reader/oc)

probably one of the best post-movie fics i've ever read for jack. the way jack's trauma and therapy is handled is so fucking brilliant and tonic is one of the best fucking characters, god. eva is written so well and i just. i can't recommend this fic enough. if you like jack, hell even if you don't, give this fic a shot. i promise you'll come out of it liking it.

@coulsons-fullmetal-cellist - The Audition (Dieter x f!reader)

goddd this was so cute! dieter's insecurities don't come up very often and i absolutely love what a match he and reader make. she's so sweet with him and takes such good care of him. and he loves her so much and i love them ok

@max--phillips - A Little Lipstick Never Hurts (Max P x f!reader)

this is one of the best explorations into kink that i've ever read. it's so respectful and hot as fuck. completely obsessed with this take on max as a character and i can't get enough of the dynamic between him, reader, (and eventually dieter). it may not be everyone's cup of tea, but i highly encourage you to give it a try. max gets some well deserved lessons taught, and who doesn't love that?

@coastielaceispunk - The Gift of Lingerie (Max L x f!reader)

god, this was so fucking hot. i'm so here for a mentally healed maxwell in a healthy marriage with a fulfilling sex life lol the little bit of teasing on both their parts was beyond sexy and i loved how equal everything felt. ugh, will be rereading this one for sure.

@lotrefcp - Hidden Away (Javi P x f!reader)

i'm obsessed with a no nonsense reader with just as much attitude/sass as javi does lol i just kept reading going GET HIS ASS. an excellent start to a universe i'm excited to sink my teeth into!

@beefrobeefcal - On the Waterfront (Frankie x f!reader)

oh, this is dark. i love the vibes immediately. i've had a weird fascination with the mafia for most of my life and this has that air about it. a dark, chubby mob boss!frankie is right up my alley for sure. i love that he's still frankie tho. sensible, practical, but with an edge. mind the warnings.

@flightlessangelwings - La Estrella de Mi Vida (Javi G x f!reader)

ahhh so romantic and so tragic!! i swear, it's impossible to make javi unappealing but this fic is just so sweet and manages to make me love him even more (somehow). but i love the added drama and tension from outside forces!! i need to read the rest of it asap!

@littlemisspascal - Rockford & Roan (Tim x f!reader)

my god, i love this?? i'm not usually one for superpowers/soulmate au's but i'm in love with the practicality of this? it feels otherworldly without being too much and it's very grounded. i love the reader and the way tim is written is so believable. i love that we as a fandom have created such a visceral image of this character from only a minute's worth of footage!

@something-tofightfor & @the-blind-assassin-12 - Aphelion (Oberyn x Ellaria & f!reader)

goddd the imagery painted in this one. so heartbreaking. absolutely breathtaking. i'm a slut for vampires and i'm a slut for oberyn/ellaria. this is absolutely something i will be reading the rest of lol

@bluestar22x - The Rockford Files (Tim x f!reader)

ok this is insanely good. one of my favorite books of all time is "red dragon" by thomas harris and i felt like i was reading that again while i read this. the details of the case and the cadence of everything was top notch. obsessed with the psychic element thrown in there and i'm beyond excited to see where tim and psy end up next!

bonus:

@sweetenerobert - Fiction vs Reality (Tommy Miller x m!reader)

ohhhh my god. you give me a bisexual tattoo artist tommy miller with stretched ears and i'm supposed to be normal about it??? UNLIKELY. i am extremely tempted to edit this into reality ngl but my god. this was so fucking hot lmao

[cha-melodius]

hii!! for the director's commentary asks, i'd love to hear bout the celebrities' bakeoff au 'All The Old Showstoppers', the cheese shop worker!Henry AU 'Will You Brie Mine?; and lastly, 'Please Don't Let Me Be So Understood'!! ⭐Feel free to talk about any sections you'd like!⭐

Ooh ok tidbits for each:

All the Old Showstoppers: I’d always wanted to write a Bake Off AU but a FULL Bake Off season was gonna really require a long multichap to do it justice. I realized that I could do a Celebrity Bake Off AU and that’d be only two days of actual Bake Off. Of course it still took me 20k but that was a lot more manageable when I was just coming off a 66k fic. I loved the idea of Alex and Henry coming together a little later, having had a few more years to mellow out. A lot of people assume Alex has already had his bi awakening in this fic based on how he flirts with Henry, but I’m honestly agnostic on that front; tbh I feel like he might have started having thoughts but never really completed that journey until Henry (kinda like movie Alex I guess, though this was written before!). Also keep an eye out for more ATOS trivia later lol, I have another ask for this one.

Will You Brie Mine?: written for a prompt for ‘Harrods food hall’ by @tintagel-or-cockleshells, I considered Henry at a few different counters (pastry, chocolate), but ultimately decided cheese because of Henry’s canonical cheese recs in Paris. I did a bunch of research like “most unusual cheeses” to find ones that’d be lots of fun and also romantic. I took a while picking out the right fancy Mexican cheese, but my faves are probably the tete de moine and the story behind the Neufchâtel, because I got to have Alex call it ‘occupier cheese’.

And oh goodness, Please Don’t Let Me Be So Understood: god I was terrified to post this fic because it was SO difficult to write all those therapy sessions and I wasn’t sure people were gonna want to read 20k of therapy?? And it performed beyond my wildest dreams tbh. I wrote the initial setup for this and then almost abandoned it when I started doing research about couple’s therapy because I was convinced I couldn’t pull it off. I didn’t want it to be a caricature of therapy, I wanted it to be real. But I posted a snippet of it and @celeritas2997 came into my dms to yell at me about it and also to offer her professional assistance, which made me feel a lot better. She’s the entire reason it got written, so everyone say “thank you, Cee!”

My favorite therapy session to write was the ‘sex talk’ one for obvious reasons lol, but also because it features Alex ‘coming out’ in therapy before he’s fully realized that he’s bisexual, and I just loved that moment so much. Another fun fact is that this is the second time I’ve written a Coney Island date into a fic (the other is a different fandom). I guess I just love a Coney Island date. 😂

(Fanfic Writers: Director’s Cut)

[sp00kymulderr]

20 questions for fic writers

thank you for the tags @maggiemayhemnj @perotovar @freelancearsonist @schnarfer 💗

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

55, I don't post everything there because I usually forget it exists, but it also has some of my older works on it from other fandoms. I don't really get ao3 - it just sort of feels like shouting into a void.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

93,343 (cannot write long fic to save my life)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

PPCU my beloved

4. Top five fics by kudos

Embarrassing because these are old old fics and even then they have barely any kudos lmao but I guess I'll tell you:

My Soul in the Stars - tumblr link (Poe Dameron x reader)

Anathema (August Walker x reader, abandoned series)

Nexus - tumblr link (Ezra & Cee)

Yours (August Walker x reader)

Survive (August Walker x reader)

but top 5 by notes on tumblr is completely different:

Rise (Joel x reader)

Closer to light (Javi P x reader)

inhale, exhale (Joel x reader)

Akrasia (Ezra x reader)

Spark (our house of flames pt 1) (Joel x reader)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to! They mean the world to me but sometimes I get overwhelmed and feel dumb just saying 'thank you' over and over.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

hm probably the smokes the ghost that keeps you close (Javi P x reader) or the San Valentin mini-series (Javi P x reader...what can I say, Javi and angst just works)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

the kind of love you've been dreaming of (marcus p x reader) is pretty sickeningly sweet all the way through, they're very happy.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not anymore no, I used to get shit about my Ezra fics and my August Walker fics back in the day.

9. Do you write smut?

Oh yes

10. Craziest crossover?

I haven't written any yet but I guess the Marcus M/Dieter fic when its done?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No thank god

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I dream of co-writing with @chronically-ghosted and @perotovar one day 💞

14. All time favorite ship?

I've never been much of a shipper, but probably Bobbie/Chrisjen (The Expanse)

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I'd love to finish take the long way home (Marcus P x reader) one day, I had such vision for it. But Marcus is really just not my guy right now and I don't see myself going back to it any time soon.

16. What are your writing strengths?

🤷lmao do i have any right now

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Probably dialogue. Descriptions. My grammar is atrocious. Making things interesting?? romance??

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

Great, but run it by a native speaker before if you are not one.

19. First fandom you wrote in?

It was either h*rry p*tter or Lord of the Rings.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

despite the fact that no one else likes it, I love and am so proud of our house of flames - I'm working on the final chapter and it's so emotional and I love it!

-----

np tags @covetyou @whatsnewalycat @for-a-longlongtime @quinnnfabrgay-writes @seventeenpins

[not-so-mundane-after-all]

@undertheknightwing sent this ask for the fanfic end of the year asks but something weird happened with it so I deleted it and I'm putting it in here instead!!!

11. fandom you enjoyed writing for the most this year

The Last of Us! Oh my God, what an awesome community! I was welcomed with open arms, my fics were received with incredible excitement - which I was shocked by - and I gained close friends that became like family in an instant!

14. a fic you didn’t expect to write

The death fic. I loved and I loved and I lost you hit me one day like a damn wrecking ball and I literally had to sit down cause I had tears in my eyes and I couldn't breathe. It hurt like hell and yet I knew I had to drop everything and write it. It was at a time when I took a little break from writing Titans and I tried to force myself to come back to it by coming up with an idea that's cute, fluffy, and a bit romantic and even spicy. But that wasn't what my heart was truly calling for; instead it wanted to process the grief over losing this beloved show the only way it knew how - by pouring that grief onto my two birds.

21. most memorable comment/review

This one on my Prospect fic Holding On And Letting Go because it brought me to tears and I was incredibly touched and impressed by this person's deep analysis.

27. favorite fanfic author of the year

You said to pick a few so I'll give you my 2023 Big Three - I will never pass on an opportunity to gush about my besties!

@ambeauty because she never fails me when it comes to squeezing all of the Titans-related emotions out of me. I'm talking the full spectrum - from getting so hot I need an ice bath, through rolling on the floor dying laughing, to screaming into my pillow and sobbing. The attention to details floors me every time, especially in the most recent chapter of her fic Without You I Got Nothing To Lose, where she brought Kory's home world to life through her own vision, inspired by the culture and traditions close to her own heart and it's absolutely INCREDIBLE!!! Not to mention she always sprinkles in some beautiful moments for my two birds and I collect each one of them like shiny little diamonds and tuck them close to my heart.

@sotvtaughtmehowtofeel making me emo about Cee and Ezra on the daily!!! To see myself reflected in your eyes is one of my favorite fics I read this year and holy shit I still remember how hard I was crying, how high my heart was soaring. My girl here is all about making you emotional with symbolism and softness, making the littlest things like a simple touch of a hand mean so freaking much it takes your breath away. She always hits all the marks that go straight to my heart and I’m always so excited to read her stuff!

@orangechickenpillow another Prospector in our ranks, is here because Etterath is A MASTERPIECE!!! To keep the two characters from any sort of physical contact/affection just to slam dunk you with it by the end? GENIUS!!!! I am literally shaking while reading every single chapter, just as I’ve been shaking and crying and holding my breath with all their works, either Prospect or The Last of Us!!! This one’s got a way with words that just gets you right in the gut, the insane ability to destroy you with a single sentence.

THANK YOU!!

[use-your-telescope]

Let's spread some positivity! Tag some of your fellow content creators here and let them know why they are absolutely amazing!❤️

OOOOOOOPS I think I have had this sitting in my asks for a while and completely space cadet-ed on it...

@infinitystoner my first tumblr friend!! You are so freaking talented at every genre and trope you tackle in fics - I am so grateful you thought to message me via the hellsite those many months ago!! Your smut? Immaculate. Your angst? Hurts so good. Your character chemistry? Simply divine! The way you create atmosphere and use language to create such nuance is truly a masterclass.

@loki-cees-all CEEEEEEE you are my beloved angsty queen. The way you are able to get inside Loki's mind and really dive into the little details that bring the hurt is so fucking delightful. I know I owe you at least a few raving reblogs of your most recent fic, so stay tuned!

@the-lady-amphitrite my fellow lore and world building lover!! Any time I get to see behind the curtain in your work is such a blast, and you also crack me up on the regs. Plus video game nerding is alway a delight!

@sarahscribbles Smut goddess! Whether looking for soft or kink, Saz has got you covered. Saz also does such a beautiful job of highlighting relationships in her smut and really giving them depth. She also has some absolutely delightful fluff to investigate, if you're looking for pure warm and fuzzies.

@cleo-fox I am still working my way through your catalog (god damn I am so behind), but YO everything I've read is a straight BANGER (literally and metaphorically). You balance environment, chemistry, and pacing so perfectly in every story I've read, and you've turned some of the more mundane moments into straight up steam sessions.

@maple-seed THROWN. HOLY THROWN. If you, random hellsite user, are reading this and have not read Thrown, *DROP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND GO READ THROWN!!* It is the *perfect* comfort fic - friends to lovers, slow burn, so soft I want to scream. I'm not on the tag list because I get the A03 emails, and let me just say the *moment* I see that notification in my inbox I drop what I'm doing and go read the update (even if I'm in the middle of a meeting, haha!). I'm behind like, four chapters on reblogs because I have so many thoughts (most of which are OH MY GOD MY HEART IS GOING TO EXPLODE FROM THE SOFT!!). Also, Maple's portrayals of Thor and Valkyrie are delightful!!

@tripleyeeett You are SO FREAKING AMAZING AT WRITING ASTARION and so funny and down to earth and I love your no-bullshit attitude and nerding about BG3 and all sorts of stuff.

Also, I know that they haven't been posting stories for a while, but I do also want to shout out @asteralpine (kaeorin on AO3) - their Loki's Lullabies series was my first introduction to Loki fics (back in 2021); part of why I made a new tumblr account was to be able to share their stories, but more importantly I don't think I would have even started WEMTBB if I hadn't discovered the Lullabies! I have slowly been working on a mega post of all my favorite stories from the series and why I love them so much, but I'm starting to think it's going to be a multi-part post because with over 250 entries in the series, there are too many to fit in one post. These days, the lullabies can only be found on AO3 and you need to be logged in to read them, but I highly, highly recommend them. Oh, and also, there are other non-lullaby stories, and they also are all A+.

[rmd-writes]

Kiss prompt: Tarlos - to shut them up

I’ve assigned each kiss prompt I received a number and am using a random number generator to choose which prompt to write because I got quite a few from you all! As a reminder, I’m trying to keep these to around 200 words and I’m going to try and do at least one per day til they’re all done. If you’ve sent me a prompt, I promise I’ll get to it!

I give up on limiting these to 200 words lol, this is very obviously not 200 words but c'est la vie. Sometimes the characters write themselves.

Thank you Cee darling for the prompt! 💖

a kiss to shut them up

TK set the table but Carlos can’t help but walk over and check it anyway, making sure that the alignment of the cutlery and the glasses on the table is perfect. He wanders back to the stove, tasting the sauce before getting out the serving bowls he’s chosen for the evening. 

Opening the refrigerator, he checks that they have all of the drinks they need – and looks over to the bench to confirm – for at least the third time in thirty minutes – that they have limes this time. Carlos made sure of it. Should he cut the limes up now? He walks over and picks a couple up, before pulling a clean cutting board out of the cupboard. He hesitates, with his knife to the rind. Maybe he should wait. What if no one wants lime in their drinks tonight? What if they’d prefer wine? 

“Babe, I can hear you thinking from here,” TK calls from the bedroom.

Carlos doesn’t respond, still debating with himself over cutting up the limes. 

“Baby,” TK says, in the living room now, walking towards Carlos. “Breathe.”

Carlos looks up at him. “I just want things to be perfect.”

“And they are,” TK insists, sliding his arms around Carlos’ waist and pressing a kiss to his shoulder. “Your food will be amazing as usual. And it’s just our parents. We’ve had dinner with them before.”

“Not here, not since…” Carlos trails off. It’s the first time they’ve invited his parents and Owen over for dinner together since TK’s moved into the loft. Carlos just wants things to be perfect; to show their parents that this is right, that things are good.

He puts the knife and the lime down and turns around in TK’s arms, running his hands up them.

“I know, baby, and it’s so sweet that you care so much. But it’s our parents. They love us. They just want to see us happy and we are. You make me so happy.”

TK’s smiling softly and his eyes are crinkled at the corners. Carlos can almost feel the way his contentment wraps around them both in a golden haze. But still–

“Should I have made tamales instead?”

“No, baby, the mole is perfect.” TK laughs a little. He’s so beautiful when he laughs.

“Is your dad even eating carbs these days? Oh god, what if he won't–”

“Dad will eat whatever he’s served tonight because he’s not a monster.”

“I should have bought you something more special to drink, are you sure you’re okay with mineral water?”

“Carlos.”

“Oh my god, are you sure you took the lube out from behind the couch cushions? What about the bottle in the–”

Carlos is silenced by TK’s lips on his, and when TK licks into his mouth, all of the thoughts rattling around his brain are silenced because when TK kisses him, there’s no room for anything else in his mind except TK, the way that TK’s lips feel against his, soft and lush and demanding, the press of TK’s body against his own, warm and safe and here. TK’s heart beating steadily against his own, where it belongs.

(find all of my kiss prompt ficlets here or read them on ao3)

[prolix-yuy]

Bestie! #1, #3 and #23 for end of year asks! (I really want to ask you everything but I will control myself 😘)

Dearest Cee! You know I'd answer all of them for you!

favorite fic you wrote this year

As much as I loved writing Decoherence, I was really proud of Burn in my Bloodstream. That one also took almost a year to write, and challenged me in many ways. But Decoherence comes in at a very close second!

3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year

Oh god, there were so many in Decoherence, but this one still gets me:

In the dark night of a town so small on a map, two synthetic hearts beat side by side. One built to serve, broken free from its programming. The other built to save, offering a life beside the man who held it. Time will start to pass them by, and they will have to grow and change. They may have to live many lifetimes in the world outside them, mourning the loss of those they hold dear. But here, pressed close and safe, they will always be two people that chose each other. They will always break their narratives to write a new one.  And the story is always about love.

23. fics you wanted to write but didn’t

For time reasons, I haven't gotten to the Decoherence addition or my original Halloween story (Incubus!Dieter stepped in to help there), but I'm super excited to share them when I can sit down and concentrate. I also wanted to continue this Bangathon story because They Were Roommates!Frankie was sooooo delicious. Plus like 10 WIP ideas that are floating around, but you know how it is, they'll come around eventually!

Thanks for playing Cee!

fanfic end of the year asks

[scribe-of-stories]

hey Scribe, happy STS!! we all get self-indulgent with our stories at times (or maybe that's the entire story's point? :v). so, what's the most self-indulgent thing you've included in your current one? maybe a relationship you deeply want to have yourself, or a scene that just Hits for you personally, or a cool ability that doesn't have much of a purpose but you wanted to include anyway?

Self-indulgence is the lifeblood of art Cee, thanks for asking!

When we follow the line of thinking "write what you know" I feel like we end up putting a lot of ourselves into our work; as such I'd consider most of my writing bordering on indulgent. Joshua is a theology major who longs for, and eventually finds himself in, a healthy poly relationship. Sam had parent issues, a deep fascination in the occult, and ultimately turns inhuman in form (idk if it's a non-binary thing, but I'd love to not be human sometimes).

Poet is probably the most indulge I think. He's a lot of my perspective in the narrative. Lots of looking past the physical and thinking about the beauty of something as it exists. Like his, and I guess my, dumbass would look at the internal organs of a wall and think "wow, how comforting it most feel to have a shell of bricks and drywall to live in; much more to be something that can shelter and comfort others" rather than a more rational response of "oh god oh fuck the houses are alive and this one is bleeding."

On top of that he ends up in a symbiotic/hivemind romantic relationship which is something I am completely normal about. I'll try not to get too weird, but the concept of sharing a mind and body with someone else brings a certain amount of closeness that I can only fantasize about. The romantic existence of a hivemind is something I think should be written about more (or, if it has, I would like to know where it is so I can read it).

[thebumblecee]

Since it’s spooky season: what are your fav spooky movies / series/ soundtracks / books / fan fics? Fav horror trope / characters?

Oh ho ho so it’s spooky season 365 days of the year in my life!!

This is the kind of question that pleases my little goth heart 🖤

So I try and watch a horror film every night, I think I’ve ran out of them on Netflix and we’re making our way through the entirety of Shudder now.

I don’t have one fav I have a lot sooo

Slasher: Scream franchise, Halloween, Friday 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street. Happy Death Day.

Torture porn: Saw franchise (went to opening night of the new one I fully recommend it. I cried. It’s so good.)

Haunting: the Conjuring Cinematic Universe, Paranormal Activity series, It Follows, Th13teen Ghosts. God there’s so many ahaha

Found footage: Hell House LLC, V/H/S series and of course the og of them all Blair Witch Project. As Above So Below as well.

Demon films: Insidious series, I’m weirdly fond of the Pope’s Exorcist, Prey for the Devil.

Monster: Barbarian, House of Darkness, 28 Days Later, Shaun of the Dead, Evil Dead (the new one is SO GOOD). Cobweb.

—

TV: Haunting of Hillhouse, Bly Manor, American Horror Story to an extent. I don’t actually watch much TV ironically.

—

Books: anything by Shirley Jackson, i adore. She’s amazing. M.R. James. Mary Shelly. Bram Stoker.

—

Lmao there is a fanfic and it’s an old school My Chemical Romance one called the Unholy Verse. I could only DREAM of writing something that incredible. It’s haunted me for about 12 years.

—

Troupes in horror I love is things like the person you have been with the whole film is actually dead/a demon/the bad guy. I’m pretty good at guessing but still it hypes me up every time.

—-

Soundtrack wise I’m a bit weird and noises make me anxious anyway so not really 😂

—

Billy Loomis you did no wrong ♥️ he did lots wrong I don’t condone his actions.

Also, Sam Carpenter from the new Screams ♥️♥️

John Kramer is correct 99% of the time I won’t hear of it.

—

I do spooky ghost/macabre tours where I am a grisly history fan as well.

—

You’re probably thinking Cee is there anything you don’t like?

Yes, I don’t like artsy horror. I hated Skinamarink - I know it was critically acclaimed but no. I wasn’t crazy on Noroi - The Curse either which was a shame. I usually love East Asian horror ☹️

RIGHT I’m going to stop talking now, I think I’ve probably creeped you all out.

Anyway, horror and macabre my beloved 🖤♥️

[neytris]

su idk if dropped by yet but your theme's color pallette is so scrumptiously gorg i luvvvvvbbuub i need to drop by more often its makin me insane

no im screaming bloody murder right now bc you literally have the prettiest theme i’ve ever seen n you’re telling me this ?!? cee. pls. oh. my. GOD. i love you so much aaaaaa !

[calypso-finale]

Ninety Five.

My friends jumped on my bed waking me out of my sleep as they did “morning birthday bitch!” I chuckled “oh god” I said “don’t oh god us, you know damn well we doing something for your day! Our girl is twenty fucking five” I groaned out “and I am getting old, I can’t do this” I mumbled “old!? Shut up” I don’t feel it’s real, like I am actually twenty five, like has gone so fast for me “awww but thank you girls, the balloons!” I spat “oh yeah, while you snored away we decorated your room and we did it up, oh we was shopping at the store at the night and my god, we had a whole bunch of niggas asking us to come to the house party? They like hey ma your accent is so beautiful, I love them British girls and he fucking roared? And one barked like a dog, we got scared. Halle screamed” I snorted laughing “I told you the psychos come out at night, why did you go? I wouldn’t have been offended if you did nothing” Lillian shrugged “so what, we wanted to do this. We love you girl, and you ain’t old. What is old about twenty five?” she questioned “think about what my mother was doing and think of me? I have a child and just now and then work” Lillian chuckled “that is because you’re lazy” Halle said “oops, sorry. Not Rylee, you have done good for you. I just think you needed to make mistakes, you needed to follow the path. I think personally you have a motive; you have a journey but it’s happening slowly, us humans need to make mistakes. If you didn’t make any and you had a perfect life, I would be like nah something is wrong, but you are normal, fuck it. Just forget all that shit, today is your day and I am excited for your parents thing” squinting my eyes at them “my parents thing?” Lillian kissed her teeth “Halle doesn’t shut up but get up! We making you breakfast, the British way” I laughed “you know what, I became used to it like people disrespect that shit but it’s a big meal, but fine. I am coming. Thank you bitches” resting my head against Lillian and Halle laid on me “I love you all too” Halle mumbled “this place is scary though, at night. What if we got kidnapped? The uber took ages too and we just hid behind the aisles” I sniggered “I told you to drive my car!” I spat “I am scared of the roads, no!” Halle spat.

My friends buying me gifts “you didn’t have too, I didn’t bring you both here for this, I wanted you both here for fun and company” they too kind “I know, but we been having fun and now it’s your big day. I said to your dad like we throwing a big party and he said Rylee doesn’t want it, she said that she wants is quiet but then they told us what they doing, and I like it” Lillian kissed her teeth again “why can’t you just be silent” I laughed “it’s ok by the end of the night she will have said” Halle keeps mentioning “I feel bad now but anyways, breakfast will be served. Open the gifts!” picking the card out first “we got one card, because you know Lillian and I are like twins girl” opening the envelope “I appreciate it, I thank you so much already” I busted out laughing seeing the picture “oh my god, when I met you girls in college, look at me scared. I look scared” hiding my face “this is why we chose it, you was scared of college. Running to the G-Wagon every time, and we was like huh who is that. Realised it was fucking Central Cee, but you was so little compared to us but then again you are ina foreign country” I look funny “true” opening the card “To our angel Rylee, we both feel the same on how we feel about you. You came into our lives by accident, a perfect one too. We have watched you grow into the perfect girl, yes we all make mistakes but that is life Rylee, and we are so proud of you. We don’t want to make it an emotional mess, but you know how we feel about you. Three sisters for life, have the best day my baby. From the bitches” I read out, looking up at them both “thanks guys” I mumbled “like really, you both have been the friends I needed. You don’t kiss my ass, you don’t see me as this spoilt rich girl, you literally see me as me and I thank you” I sighed out “I fucked up badly and yet you both tell me off but never leave my side, I wish I listened to you both, but I won’t think about it, don’t worry” I said smiling “yes please no, let’s fucking leave that” Halle pointed at me, she is right we can’t speak on it.

My girls making me breakfast, that was sweet of them “I am missing Aziel telling us that we are too loud” I laughed “I know right, I missed him too in bed with me. But like my dad said, it’s only right and my dad seems to be the middle man. He is with his dad, and I know he is probably having the best time, I know he will be the happiest so yeah, I do miss him. I hope to see him today, but my dad is the middle man, and I haven’t heard a thing so he must be ok, who is mom when dad is around” rolling my eyes “this is why you need a girl” Lillian pointed “no, you need to give us the girl of the group so I can steal her, I have no man!” I spat “yeah but I think you going to have one. You ain’t dropping this Oakley thing, I saw that guy. We walked by him, he looked. That boy moved his whole neck, I peeped that shit, I ain’t blind. Unfinished business, he fucking loves you and you love him, you ain’t stopping and I don’t think he will. And I think papa is in it too, I just know it” Halle is funny “I hurt him too much, I did a lot and yeah” shaking my head “and you made a mistake babe, we all do it. I am sure he will forgive you; Oakley has a good heart. Like I mean from knowing him he is. I feel it in my bones that you both are unfinished, you both fucking have feelings there. He needed to let you make mistakes, seriously. Just I think, like just me. I get you did what you did but take it slow, least both start talking, communicating for Aziel, then you need to make it up to him. Seeing that cancer video showed me enough to know that there is love. And if not now then years down the line you both will be together” Halle was very passionate about that statement “I put that on my momma” I put my head down laughing “yeah, he needs to unblock me first, he looks so well. I still fancy him, like nobody does amount to him and nobody understands that. I mean yeah I can get the best looking man, but they aren’t him, I don’t care” Lillian smiled “because to you he is the best looking, you fucked up. And Oakley isn’t ugly, man he has girls. But the society want different for you, but nah. You do you, love is still there” smiling a little, they gave me hope.

Picking Aziel up and placing him on the ground “don’t run, stay close. I’ll be two minutes” closing the car door “daddy we go there” he pointed “yeah” he held my hand “mommy birthday” nodding my head “yep, flowers to give from you. Don’t want her to think you’re broke now” making my way over to the store, it feel so good to have my son back with me. To be able to see him, to hold him to speak to him, I think he’s slowly trusting I am not going to leave him, he’s so apprehensive that I was going to leave but he’s trusting me, I have seen him every day since being here, Chris drops him off but today was the first time I got to have him for the night “I pick” Aziel said “yeah if you want” walking into the store “welcome” this lady came from the back “alright” I have no idea what to choose, going over to the desk “I already love your accent” I laughed “yeah, I assumed. Erm it’s his mother birthday and I want him to walk in with flowers. So like something nice” the lady smiled at him, and Aziel is cheesing back “so birthday flowers or romantic” I grinned “nah no romance there, it fizzled out” she chuckled “ok but care is there for you to do this so let’s have a look, what colours?” She asked Aziel “red!” He spat “come, shall we choose some together. Would you like me to make it myself?” She asked me “sure, I don’t mind” watching Aziel going over to the lady to pick flowers, I ain’t that bitter and I wouldn’t do her like she did me because I don’t have it in me. I never wanted Aziel to be affected, but knowing it is her birthday and her dad invited me to her meal, I’m really not staying, I’m going to drop Aziel off and dip because that is weird to be there, and we don’t speak and I wouldn’t speak to her “I want red one” smiling at my son, he is cute “are you wanting to write a note?” She asked “erm yes but like just saying To Rylee happy birthday from Aziel. Something sweet and simple” the lady looked at Aziel “what a beautiful name you have, are you mixed?” She turned to me “do I look it?” I questioned “well I would say you are; you look a little Chinese” I busted out laughing “I’m Irish white and Guyanese” she let out an oh “that is a different mix, and you have a very handsome son, is that enough red for you?” Aziel and this colour red “does it smell nice?” He nodded his head “I like it” I chuckled “come here, let her do her thing” Aziel made his way over to me “I’m helping” picking him up “of course you are, I didn’t say you wasn’t but you picking too much red, what other colours you like?” He paused thinking “yellow” he is so different this child of mine “red, yellow please” poking my bottom lip out “you’re not cute, shut up” trying to get his own way, them nasty colours he wants.

Waving over Aziel “leave Wadz alone, pick a card little man. Got me waiting here for what?” Is this boy crazy “yes” I huffed out “hard work isn’t it, when you not picking a card for your girl and it’s a baby mother” I sniggered “yes, Juke just be careful who you get with” he pulled a face “I’m feeling a girl though, soon. I will show her” laughing at him “here is me thinking you was gay, but that’s cool. You got this card” he walked over to me “let me see” I know he got some goofy shit, grabbing the card and looking at the front “it’s your birthday, time for a hug? What is your problem” I asked, “what yours” Wadz busted out laughing “since he’s turned four he’s been moving mad, you move mad” placing the card back “move mad!” Now he’s going to repeat that word “my mommy birthday” he said to these random girls walking by, just minding their business “awww” they said “oh it’s Central Cee” she said, Aziel ran to me “no it’s my dad” he stood in front of me “bye” he waved to them “I love this kid with my heart, he’s the comedian” Wadz can’t stop laughing “can we have a picture” nodding my head “Aziel one second” I said trying to move him “no” he is so stubborn “Juke take the picture, Aziel stop playing. Come” Aziel is leaning against my legs so I can’t move “no!” The girls came over “ok you can be in the picture” I shook my head “no smile at my dad” looking down at him “what? Aziel stop playing in my face like that, ignore him” Juke is laughing too hard “ok smile” he said as he took the picture “my bad, he’s just moving mad” he pointed at me “no dad” laughing at him “oh man, you’re jarring stop it” mushing his face “he’s so cute, it’s ok. Nice to meet you” Wadz shook his head, dapping him as I walked over to him “tell me why your son is moving like this” I shrugged, I am speechless “he’s protective of his dad, he can’t help it” he ran into me “dad can I have hug” picking him up “of course you can gang” he’s so crazy “but listen to me, you don’t be rude again. I don’t want to hear it, raising your voice and shit” I pointed “I didn’t” he mumbled “being loud for no reason” he doesn’t want to know when I am telling him off, he shuts off.

“Come here” I pointed “don’t run off, take the flowers from uncle, I’ll be back out. Just want to drop him off with them and then leaving, not staying around” Wadz passed Aziel the flowers, taking the card and chocolates from Wadz “you not going to stay for the love?” I pushed him laughing “bad enough I have to go in there with them all, Juke. I’ll be back, let’s go champ” walking off to the restaurant, Chris said they got the whole of the private area to themself, and he said that could either be upstairs or downstairs, they have two. Holding the door open as Aziel carefully went inside “mommy birthday” he said to the waiter “precious, the party is downstairs, I can escort you and shall I take this from you. We don’t want you to drop it now” chewing my bottom lip, I have my shades on again. I can then hide behind it this way “what you say? He’s helping you” I said to Aziel “thank you” smiling at him “ok let’s go, thanks” Aziel walked ahead of me so I can see him, I didn’t even change his clothes but he’s smart enough of course, he is my son he is smart. Walking down the steps and the way Aziel is saying number one to three and starts again “we need to work on that, what you mean you only go up to three?” I kissed my teeth, the waiter passed him the flowers “thank you” I said walking into the room, oh this is intimate, and I just crashed this, I mean thee is a few people but it’s very close family, Chris is the first one to come to me “you came” I laughed “yeah, yeah. That’s from Aziel” I passed it him “yeah” he dapped me and then hugged me “mommy birthday” Aziel made his way over to Rylee, peeping Rylee in her black dress, she looks good “awww for me” Rylee said, well this awkward “yes mommy, my Ps” I snorted laughing, that boy would say that. Chris passed her the card and chocolates; I looked away as she looked to me because I am not looking and it’s not my thing “how was he for the night?” Chris asked “good, he is a little bad ass though. He just wants to be with the gang and when I say no he don’t like it” Chris shook his head “he is something, come sit” shaking my head “Oh nah, I am not staying. It’s not my thing and the boys are waiting, just come to drop him off” Chris let out an oh “but I said you can be here” I grinned “yeah, yeah but no thank you” Aziel ran back to me “I am going now, give me hug” Aziel stopped running “no” here he goes “you either give me hug or I just go” getting my phone out from my pocket “hello” why is Juke even calling “how long? You staying aren’t you” he is so impatient “oh nah, I am coming” Aziel is mean mugging “I am going then, are you driving? Did you drive off with me, Chris. Nice seeing you” dapping him before I went “well we assumed you would stay” I groaned out “I am coming now, so spin it back” opening the door I jumped back, I didn’t know there was a guard here “no, no, no” shouted “no come back, please” turning around “you’re staying here, just give me hug” here he goes with his tears.

I guess my brother was right “this boy doesn’t trust you now” Chris said to me, he is sat on my lap and I am now at this meal, sat between Chris and Imani, Rihanna is far and so is Rylee so I am not seeing that but I still have shades on “it’s an issue, I get it. Like he feels I will just disappear but it was never by choice, I don’t want to see him like that, I struggle to leave him like when he is that emotional but something has got to give. Like it’s going to be hard, in London he has to stay with his mom. Like you right now do the in-between thing” it will be hard “yeah I will bring it up to Rylee, make a schedule but you both need to talk for his sake like he is growing and really you need to talk for him. I get it, like I do. If that was me and Robyn, no matter what we went through, I would still have feelings for her so I would struggle. I understand, but for the kid you need too and he needs to understand you ain’t going, he needs a schedule and some sanity. He has been on a fucking cruise, a holiday, parties. I mean I get it” I am pissed with Rylee, she did that to him “I was there, like she could have dropped him off” looking at Taylan as he walked around the table “I been meaning to come around” he got his hand out to me, I was going to reject it but I can’t be bothered “that is ok” shaking his hand “I have so much respect for you, I do. I am so happy to see you here” nodding my head “thank you” he seems a little emotional “you want to cry?” Imani said “did you watch the video? Ask Ti, I still talk about it, just happy for you” he patted my shoulder as he walked off “must suck to hear about the C word or for it to be bought up” I pulled a face “sometimes, I used to think of it as pity. But I don’t now” I think Rylee bullshit mouth made me feel it was.

Grabbing water from the side “is it safe?” looking behind me “oh” I laughed, Lillian and Halle both shyly came over “yeah always, not mad with you both now” opening the water bottle “oh my days, Oakley. Fuck, I am so happy to see you like this, can I hug you?” Halle said it but just hugged me, it was a little out the blue “we are about you, like we do and just to see you like this. I am happy” I cooed out, hugging Lillian after “you deserve the break, you deserve the happiness” that is sweet of them, Rylee is looking here but she doesn’t know that I can see her, this is why I wear shades “how are you? Like you good now?” nodding my head “yeah, sometimes like I get sad but that is it, I am well though mentally. Happy too about Aziel, how the guys? Shocked they not here” I pointed out “leave the boys at home” Halle laughed “you coming to the club later” shaking my head “nah, you have fun though” Lillian is smirking “why? I mean don’t let her birthday get in the way, come to the club” shaking my head “nah, thank you though. And even if she was there, I don’t care” I shrugged “then unblock her, since you don’t care” Halle said which made me laugh “I will, don’t worry about it. Have fun in the club, a drunk Rylee is different” I said “and she always says your name and calls our for you, just saying” Lillian shook her head “stop it now, leave him alone. But you can come if you want but it’s so good to see you” Lillian trying to switch it up, cute of her. I swallowed hard as Rylee came over, this is awkward just seeing her coming closer and closer.