#LOL Yun is just as stubborn too

[akumanoken]

You know you did bad when Yun crosses the veil to hit you with a paper fan....

[holocene-sims]

oc questionnaire tag

here i am, trying my best to catch up on tag games 😭😭 i have no idea who tagged me in this one anymore because this went around so long ago, and after scrolling through three months worth of notifications, i don't know if i found everyone who tagged me, but i do 100% remember @stargazer-sims @dandylion240 & @jonquilyst tagging me!

BASICALLY thank you so much to everyone who tagged me, and i'm so sorry if i missed acknowledging you here because i am pretty sure i did miss folks! but anyway, i'll tag in return:

@windermeresimblr @slightly-ludic @nikatyler @swallowprettybird @changingplumbob @vercosims @sertrallne @nectar-cellar @sparkiekong @papermint-airplane

NAME: bae yunha (배윤하)

NICKNAMES: yun, yunie, princess pear (배공주) 🍐

bonus fact: princess pear is spoofing off her name and the translation of princess peach (피치공주), who is yunha's main/ favorite character in mario kart! as for the name thing, yunha's last name doesn't mean pear, but the word for pear is pronounced and spelled the same exact way as her last name (배). so,,, the nickname is kind of princess bae, as in princess bae yunha, but it's also princess pear at the same time lol

GENDER: cis female

STAR SIGN: pisces ♓

HEIGHT: 5'5"

ORIENTATION: bisexual

NATIONALITY/ETHNICITY: korean 🇰🇷

FAVORITE FRUIT: peach 🍑

FAVORITE SEASON: winter 🎄

FAVORITE FLOWER: orchids 💜

FAVORITE SCENT: oddly specific but miss dior blooming bouquet perfume (it's her favorite perfume but she rations it out in the tiniest of portions because it's $$$$$) 💟

COFFEE, TEA, or HOT CHOCOLATE: all of the above! yunha doesn't discriminate against liquids, she just likes them in different contexts. she drinks coffee out of the house at coffee shops, tea at home (unless it's boba, at which point she'll buy it at a boba shop), and hot chocolate during winter, mostly if it's snowing ☕

AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP: 10 😴 she likes her beauty sleep!

DOGS or CATS: cats! she likes both, but she prefers cats 🤍

DREAM TRIP: paris and/or france more generally! she's aware it's not, like, the romanticized place it's portrayed as in media, but she wants to go to see the museums and architecture, check out the cafes, and walk around the parks and whatnot

NUMBER OF BLANKETS: just one! she's always slept on the floor on a futon, and in her opinion, it's a bit much to have too many blankets when you're doing that because the blankets aren't really anchored onto anything, so if you have more than one, they start getting tangled and crawling off the mattress in multiple directions

RANDOM FACT: she has an uncanny ability to solve puzzles! she's the girlie you give the "solve the maze without lifting your pen off the paper" challenges, and she's proud to say she has never looked up a walkthrough for games like portal or the stone matching mini-games in skyrim 👑 part of the magic is definitely stubbornness btw. she will stare at the puzzle until it's either solved or the universe decays into oblivion, one or the other! she is otherwise not competitive, though; that attitude is quite literally reserved only for puzzles

[lie---ability]

facebook really out here pissin me off 😃 bitch i know ok i know BUT I DON'T WANT TO. but at this point sobrang undeniable na. sucks though. but fucken facts. so what if we're click in other things but we can't suffer? ***i can't suffer. he likes to rebuttal that only i can suffer when really, between us almost every suffering is about him even if it isn't. i'm there when he suffers, but when i suffer, in his own way he drives the situation to it being his suffering. he makes my suffering his because i suffer. he suffers when i suffer, and in return i have to console him while i don't get anything. and telling him this problem will piss him off. to tell him this will shift his face into this expression i fucking hate. DESPISE EVEN. this face made of immaturity, stubbornness, emotional stupidity, hollowness and just... fucking fucked up mess of a person. when i get anxious, he tells me has a lot on his mind already. it could be his fucking job (not the company or people, just him having a fucking job), his family, being in a condo, or for what fucking reason! SO MANY REASONS. like FUCK? YOU CHOSE THIS LIFE! YOU DID. NOT ME. NOT YOUR OFFICE, NOT YOUR FUCKING FAMILY, YOU DID. you fucking chose this company, you chose this industry, you chose to follow Toti around, you chose to get high-paying positions which require a lot of work, you chose that. Same way you chose to live alone in a condo because you chose to never fix your relationship with anyone in your family. You chose to reject them over and over. You chose to never ask your brother how he is, or ask him why he no longer wants a job. You chose to ignore your mother's cancer, the way you chose to not reach out to the only sibling who's trying to keep you all together. YOU CHOSE THAT. YOU CHOSE TO KEEP BREAKING YOURSELF AND YOU CHOSE TO HAVE ME. YOU CHOSE TO HAVE A FUCKING GIRLFRIEND WITH FUCKING ANXIETY AND ISSUES. YOU CHOSE TO BOTHER ME. YOU CHOSE TO START A LIFE WITH ME. AND YOU ALSO CHOSE TO DIE WITH YOUR 7 YEAR OLD SELF WHICH RUINED OUR FUCKING RELATIONSHIP. YOU CHOSE THAT OVER AND OVER FOR MONTHS AND NOW WE DON'T HAVE ANYTHING. YOU CHOSE TO RUIN THE LAST GOOD RELATIONSHIP YOU HAVE LEFT BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T ACT YOUR FUCKING AGE. Rational? Thinking over emotions? NAH WE WERE WRONG. What you are is cold and hollow. You think than feel not because of reason but because you don't want to feel. You don't wanna go through the truth. You process things in the coldest ways possible. You reason out not with logic but to avoid having to feel the pain of the situation. You never used logic. It was just pure selfishness. How you were logical with me wasn't you being a thinker, it was you trying to get me. The same way how you """logically""" handle our problems, NOT WITH LOGIC BUT TO FULFILL YOUR SELFISHNESS and that is through hurtful words and avoidance. You're not a rational person, because if you were you wouldn't talk so much shit out of spite and out of misuse of emotions. The arguments and whole other shit you say are just wordplays for "I'm hurt. I don't like what happened and I can't admit it". I am sooo sick of your "I can't handle you right now cuz *reasons reasons reasons*" like THEN WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU HERE FOR?!? Why are you my fucking partner?!?!? If we're here only for the good days then let's be fucking friends BUT EVEN FRIENDS NEED EACH OTHER ON BAD DAYS SO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TO ANYONE?!?!? If you can't be on anyone's bad days, what the fuck are you doing in their lives?!? for Matt's free groceries? PHP 500 gifts?!? for his stupid gameplays for you to laugh at?!? and what about me? so you can say you go out on dates? that you have a girl? so you can spend Christmas and new year away from home? someone to distract you from your loneliness? Fucked up is what you are. I asked Jesus for someone stronger than me, not someone way less human than I was.

SO SICK OF EVERYTHING BEING ABOUT YOU. YOU ARE THE REASON WHY I STOPPED WANTING PSYCHOLOGY BECAUSE I THINK AT THIS POINT I ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH BROKEN PEOPLE IN MY PERSONAL LIFE, THE FUCK AM I DOING TO EVEN MAKE A CAREER OUT OF IT? Ano yun? 24/7 depression? I go home from my depressing clients to a husband and my friends with shitload bags too? Plus I can't imagine having you anymore if I did have that career. What if a client I loved decided to end herself? Would you be there with me? You'd say yes lol BUT I SOOO DOUBT AT THIS POINT. You can't even help me with simple anxiety episodes. What more the big problems? In short you're just emotionally unavailable. As a friend, and more so as lover. Do you even have the slightest idea how much I love you? I doubt because the things I could and would do, you think are superficial. But no, they happen to a lot of people. REAL PEOPLE WITH REAL FEELINGS. PEOPLE WHO LOVE OTHER PEOPLE AND NOT JUST FOR DISPLAY. The social media, the surprises, the huddles until 5am because one of them is sad, the sacrifices, the choosing between people, the petty fights they have to sit through, and alllll the things you think are shitload of crap. These things are called love. They are shit you do to keep someone, something you don't understand and almost 2 years of having each other to this day, still don't understand.

Whatever your parents did and whoever they were, you don't deserve to live this life through the eyes of Rikko when he was 8 years old. Most importantly, no one deserves to meet a 24 year old you and experience that same child. I'm so tired. I love you, for who you are, and for the things you were before. When I looked at you at SM Aura, I knew that as long as this person right here stayed this way, he can be other things. As long as you stay loving and thoughtful, you can be as ambitious or competitive, and not in a good way. As long as you will keep trying to ground me and silence my anxieties, you can get mad and upset in all the ways you like (physical abuse excluded). As long as you keep wanting to have a relationship with my friends and family, you can change and change as much as you like because I will choose you over and over again. I will keep accepting and loving you always in all ways.

But to my luck, that person died. And all you did from then on is change and not in a good way.

[cherrryyycola]

How many more times do I have to let you go? All I ever wanted was you. Matagal na ako nagdecide that it's you. It was always you. I don't want anyone else. I don't want to be with anybody else. It's not like hindi ako nagtry humanap ng iba. Well, maybe you're right. Malay ko naman baka may makilala ako. O baka we're just meant to be just friends. It's just to me, you're still my person. Not a day goes by since nakilala kita (excluding the pacman fight) na di ka sumagi sa isip ko one way or another.

I know. Wag magsalita ng tapos. But to me right now, dama ko yung feelings na para akong nasa movie tapos magkukwento sila about sa TOTGA or great love nila. Nung una ayaw pa kita i-acknowledge bilang great love ko. Pero wala eh, that's how I feel. Napaka cliché but I know and feel it in my heart, darating rin yung time na pipiliin mo ako ulit at maybe then, araw araw mo na akong pipiliin.

Let's say may makilala nga akong iba. And let's say forever love ko na yun meaning I will build a life with them. Just thinking about it, at the back of my head ang story is may mamemeet ako na forever love ko, maybe we get married amd even have kids, tapos ikaw rin. Then ma- byuda ako at ikaw, and we meet when we're much older.

Our story just never seems finished eh. Ang mindset ko talaga whether I fight it or not, is end game tayo. Kaya okay lang eh. You need to experience life. Have more sex (lol). Accomplish whatever goal you set, meet your other loves. Idk. I just feel like hindi ako meant to be just your 1st love. Siguro in denial or naive lang ako, maybe I'm too stubborn for my own good. But I'm calling it, the universe will lead us back together.

July 29, 2020

[rarestnicole]

Oooh, I typed my thoughts again, huh.

Sabi ni Mommy, iwasan ko daw ang magkalagnat habang may tonsillitis because it's going to be real bad. Naaalala ko pa nung bata ako, I had a fever caused by tonsillitis and kinailangan ko pa talagang i-check ni Ate Mai because I look bad. Kapag daw umabot ang nana (?) yata sa puso, which is possible, I'll die immediately. Again, yata. That's bad. Kaya kappag may tonsillitis ako, pinapainom agad ako ng gamot. I'm just stubborn eh. I feel like I'm going to be fine without any help from antibiotics.

I guess I'm wrong. It's not working anymore. I have to drink that damned medicine because my tonsillitis is getting worse, I realized. I have this since I was 5, if my memory serves me right. Usually, iniisip ko pa kung gaano na ba kalayo ang narating niya mula sa throat ko to my heart. Is it close? Kasi kung hindi, then I'm fine.

But right now, I am definitely not fine.

It started with an itchy throat. Then I realized that I may be having a stupid tonsillitis and I don't even know why. I'm not eating too much sweets nor cool foods... unless if it was caused by bacteria. Damn, right. Tuwing nasa Manila yata ako nagkaka-tonsillitis ako ah. Gustung-gusto ko pa namang kumain ng ice cream kagabi kasi nadaanan namin ang stand ng Pinoy Sorbetes sa Market Market. :( I want the avocado flavor. So bad. But... huhuhu, I regret it, alright? That I only thought about eating an ice cream kung kailan hindi pwede.

Now I'm sick. I sound sick and look sick. LOL. I'm having that fever na. It's the drugstore's fault! I was trying to buy the antibiotics that I need to cure my tonsils but he won't give me one. Kailangan daw ng reseta. Kuya naman eh. I wanted to tell him na kararating ko lang from the province and I didn't have time to go to a clinic or a hospital for check-ups regarding my freaking health. Kuya, hindi naman ako bibili kung hindi ko kailangan eh. And lalong hindi ko bibilhin ang ganung gamot if hindi familiar sa akin. Ugh. I hate that I don't know where my health files are.

Kung nabentahan agad ako kagabi, then I won't have a fever kaninang madaling araw. I won't lie all day feeling useless and shitty because of my tonsillitis, colds, cough and fever. I heytchu. Magaling na sana ang tonsils ko and konting ubo lang sana ang meron ako now. Bactidol didn't work on me.

I want to call Mom pero baka mag-alala lang siya lalo na at dagat ang pagitan namin. Nyeh. Ang dami ko ring gagawin eh. :3 While Ate Ally's working, we should at least clean the house. Mga around 1 PM na siguro ako nakagalaw to clean the bathroom and the closet. I wasn't able to clean the kitchen pa and the dining and our bed. Allizon is being so useful while watching W:Two Worlds. She's so useful, I'd like to throw her into the screen. Kanina ko pa siya inuutusan and yet, wala. And she even wanted me to go outside and run an errand when I'm not feeling well to cook, go outside pa kaya. Brat. But I didn't back down, hell no. I'm not feeling good and we need the stuffs. She has to go or I'll nag her to death.

I want her to be responsible when it comes to house chores. Alam kong medyo bata pa siya pero hindi naman excuse 'yon para hindi matuto eh. I'm trying my best to teach her, ever since she's a child. Inunti-unti ko para naman kahit papaano, marunong siya and she won't have a hard time living somewhere else where she needs to help.

I'm not great with the house chores but I can say that I'm capable of maintaining the house's cleanliness. Noon, soooobrang tamad ko and I only work when no one's around. Why? First, I don't want to be watched while I'm cleaning because I want to have my time and I have my own strategies of cleaning. (naks, strategies mo mukha mo 😂) Second, I don't want to be dictated. Ugh, please, no. Nawawalan ako ng interes kapag tinuturuan ako. I know that's one immature trait pero I know what I'm doing. I won't be doing that if I don't know how and if I'm not confident, right? I know I still lack skills pero kasi let me be po. Hmm? Thanks.

Hindi ako palalinis dahil madalas akong nasa sarili kong mundo. Pero ganunpaman, gusto ko pa rin ng malinis na kapaligiran 'no! Kaya kahit hindi ako palalinis or hindi ako sobrang masipag, I try my best to clean my surroundings kasi maiirita ako sa kaguluhan at dumi. Thank God kasi naiirita ako sa magulo at madumi.

Maliit lang ang apartment ni Ate Lly and it's sooo easy to clean. I enjoy cleaning it kasi ang dali lang. That's what I promised ate Lly; that she won't have a problem sa pagliligpit ng gamit sa bahay and that she won't starve with me. Although I don't eat much, I know how to cook. Mom taught me. Ako kasi kakain lang kapag gutom na gutom na ako, unless I'm with my family. And since anong oras nang nagigising si Leigh at Ate Lly, hindi na kami nagbi-breakfast. Nauuna akong gumising pero ayoko namang mag-ingay kapag nagluluto, clumsy ko pa naman. So mga lagpas alas dose na kami kumakain. 😂 These past few days, sa labas kami nagdi-dinner dahil inaabot na kami ng gabi sa labas at walang laman ang fridge ni Ate Lly. Jeez, hindi yata siya kumakain. Ayaw ko sa Jollibee or McDonald's kami kumakain lalo na at bawal sa akin ang chicken because of my allergies. Ugh. Feeling ko kapag doon ako laging kakain, kawawa naman ang body ko. I dunno. I'm glad that Mom perfectly understands that. And even gladder that Ate Ally knows nice places to to dine in somewhere around HS. Thank you Lord for these people. Hehe.

Mom already went home. That's sad. Hep! Not because we won't have her around to buy us stuffs and foods, but because it feels odd for me. Yeah, certified Mommy's girl. Kaya siguro I got sick agad kasi umalis siya. Nung hinatid namin siya sa Buendia yesterday at 4 freaking AM, I'm already not feeling good, blame my tonsils. Binigyan niya 'ko ng pera para pambili ng gamot pero ayaw naman akong pagbentahan ng gamot. Nung una, wala talaga akong planong bumili. Aalis din naman agad ang pain... but it didn't, that's when I decided to really buy Erythromycin-- the antibiotics that I'm allowed to drink kasi I'm allergic din sa ibang antibiotics. Yeah, pa-special ang pagkatao ko. 'Kala naman nito... *roll eyes* I swear, sooooobrang sama ng lasa nun. I remember it clearly how I tried melting half a tablet of that medicine to a glass of milk, kasi I should drink Erythromycin before sleeping and saktong umiinom din ako ng gatas before sleeping. Hinalo ko sila in the hopes na mababawasan ang lasa ng gamot kasi nahalo na sa gatas. PERO NOOOO. Shems, sa bawat patak ng gatas, nandun ang eksaktong lasa ng gamot. Sa. Bawat. Patak. I ended up throwing the whole thing, of course with Mom's consent 'no. Pero dati pa 'yun, nung elementary pa 'ko. 😂

I hate medicines. I can go on without them naman eh. Ang iniisip ko is: 'Paano na lang kung may mas lalala pa pala sa pain na 'to tapos ito pa lang hindi ko na kinakaya, 'di ba? I won't depend on medicines much.'

Iinom lang ako ng meds kapag may importante akong pupuntahan and I can't be weak. Bumili naman ako ng gamot kagabi to ease the pain, kasi na-realize ko nga na iba na ang sakit ng tonsils ko, and may pupuntahan kami bukaaaas. We'll watch a 'good movie daw' and we'll go to Navotas. Bukas lang pwede dahil bukas ang day off ni ate Lly. I can't be siiiick. Nooooo. And we'll stop by SM north because Allizon's dying to be there again. Duh, akala mo naman safe haven mo na just because araw-araw ka dun last vacation? She's gonna relive the memories, I think. LOL. Kung ako lang, I'll go straight to Navotas nang hindi na ako kulitin ni Ashton at Gibbran kung kailan ako babalik dun. Babies, I understand that you guys missed me pero point to point tayo, ang layo. Huhu. And ate Vane prepared something na para daw sa bonding namin. Okay, we'll go. Haha. Pasalamat kayo I love kiddos and your kiddos. I'm excited.

Hindi ko na lang muna iisipin ang nahihintay rin sa'kin sa Parañaque. Huhuhu. I'm sorry, babies. Nauna lang talagang magsabi sina Ate Vane and because I have an errand to run doon with them. I feel bad kasi sa Sta. Fe pa lang, inaabangan na ni Gaven ang pagpunta ko kina ate Tim. Nandun na nga sila eh. Akala daw nila mauuna akong dumating doon. Sorry. I'll be there soon. Jusko, ang hirao maging fave ng kids sa fam. Hahahaha. Joke lang. F na f ko talaga eh. Feeling ko spoiled din ako sa kanila.

All right, I gotta go. Ang daldal ko nanaman dito. Okay lang sana if my head isn't throbbing eh. :/

[at-the-end-of-the-day-and-always]

N O V E M B E R

November 1 2017; 5:50 pm

Another new month for me and you, for us. Right now I don’t have much to say. But I hope this time around, I’ll be okay na talaga. Not just for myself but for everyone I care for. Thank you for believing in me. For letting me know that you do and for giving me assurance. I really am scared, you know. My confidence in myself is so little To add onto that, people always have something bad to say about me. No matter how close I am with them or whatever. They think it doesn’t reach me but it does. And it hurts, siyempre. I trust so much that it ends up biting me in the ass. I just hope I become the person I’ve always wanted to be and the person I should be. For myself more than anyone else. It gets tiresome to keep being there for others din kasi sometimes. I get thrown out the window when new people come in their lives and ignored only to be picked up again when they need something. Kaya ikaw... thank you. Thank you kasi andiyan ka pa rin no matter what. I’m  stubborn ass bitch who is so difficult to deal with. Alam ko na yun. Alam na alam. Which is why your patience will be tested and is needed. Because even if I know shit na, or you make me know shit, I end up repeating shit lang. Which I will try my hardest to break na. Kasi I don’t want na, I’m shy na (pag di mo gets, it’s a liza reference lang, lol) So thank you!!! Thank you for the patience and for everything else. I won’t waste it. I won’t waste anything that you give me. Sorry nalang din kasi alam kong masasagad ko minsan. But like you said, we’ll be okay, yeah? We got this yo. Everything will be better for me and you alone and us together. We’ll make it happen. 

November 12 2017; 1:15 am

You recorded last night over at James’ place and idk, I feel proud. You do great with so many things and you continue to do more. I know you’ll be doing more pa in the future when you have all the things you want and need. And I’ll be supporting you ‘till then.

November 26 2017; 1:18 am

So yung totoo bakit di tayo friends sa facebook? Hahaha jk. This is something I want to tell you that I wasn’t able to say last night. You can’t keep walking out/walking away just because ayaw mo magsalita ng makakasakit sakin. Honestly? It hurts more tuwing mag wwalk out ka. Lalo na yung talagang iiwanan mo pa ‘ko? Tangina hahaha. Kaya even if nag eend up that you say shit, and that mas umiinit lang ulo mo, mas nagagalit ka lang, hahabulin kita. Hahabulin kita, hahanapin kita, pupuntahan kita. It’s not a nice feeling to have you walk out nor is it a pleasant sight to see. There’s that notion that you can just walk out anytime because you felt like it. I don’t need you walking out to spare my feelings, Kirby. I need you to try and not speak hurtful words no matter how angry you are, no matter how heated the argument is. Because honestly ako, kahit naiinis ako sayo minsan hindi naman ako nakakapagsalita ng kung ano ano. Lalo na yung sinasabi mo na kaya ka nakakapagsalita kasi napupuno ka na? I want you to try that for me the next time we argue. To just sit the frustration out and eventually talk than to say whatever comes to your mind and walk out. You tell me it’s hard for you to leave me. Na masakit din for you. Then please, babe, try not to. I’m sorry if what I’m asking from you sounds selfish. If it’s too demanding. (Though I know I have my habits as well that you aren’t fond of which I’m trying to not do.) But I don’t like seeing you walking away nor do I want you to walk away for good. If that’s too much to ask, then by all means, don’t do it. I don’t want you doing something na napipilitan ka lang. Especially if it involves me. You do you and you do you at your own pace. Okay?

I love you. Always.

3:34 am

You’re currently tryna put melody to the second song you made for me and your cam’s turned off right now and I’m lowkey glad cos I’m smiling kasi right now and just... kinikilig ako okay HAHAHAHAHA. BOOM GAGO NAGKARON BIGLA NG VIDEO HAHAHAHAHAHA BABE HUHU HAHAHAHAHA NATATAWA AKO SA SARILI KO AND MEDYO NAGPIPIGIL AKO HAHAHAHA GUSTO KO NA TUMAWA SO TUMATAWA NA AKO HAHAHAHA HAY SORRY HAHAHAHAHAH ANG HYPER, TF HAHAHA I LOVE YOU!!!! You make me happy and I’ll tell you that every time I can. Man, I’m sorry. You have a weird girlfriend I just ranted (happily) na ewan tapos... wew HAHAHA. Sorry na. Share ko lang na kinilig ako hehe

3:43 am

So Out of My League naman kinakanta mo ngayon and nakangiti nananaman ako HAHAHA gagooooooo Runnin’ Home to You naman kinakanta mo ngayon and tbh it’s one of my favorite songs to hear you sing. I could hear you sing that kanina sa trike e.

4:00 am

You are singing HSM songs and I am hella amused. I love watching and hearing you sing. It’s one of the things I’m fond of. Let’s see how far this’ll go HAHAHA.