#LITERALLY WOKE UP TO THIS NOTIF AND CRIED | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

torialefay · 10 months ago

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☀️ Everyday Idol 🌙 (Chapter 9)

✨ possible bangchan x reader (f), possible jungkook x reader (f)

✨ head on over to my masterlist if you haven’t checked out the previous chapters!

✨wc: ~8k

✨ friends to lovers? possible love triangle? obsession? angst and future smut??? a little fluff.

✨ summary: JYP Entertainment launches a new show and y/n somehow gets recruited. Even though she doesn’t particularly care about the outcome of the show, she does particularly care about one of the artists she met: Chris from Stray Kids. Does Chris feel the same or will a potential relationship with one of his friends overcome what y/n feels for him?

✨ warnings: cursing from time to time, smut!!!! 🔞

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Previous Chapter Recap:

Once Chan had reached the hotel, he gently stirred you awake and helped you get inside the lobby. He told you to text him once you got inside of your room so that he knew you made it. All you can remember was giving him a big, warm hug, before saying your goodbyes as you went upstairs to drift off to sleep.

When Chan arrived home, he went straight to get in his bed, knowing that he’d now be able to fall asleep. He quickly checked his phone to make sure he didn’t have any new notifications. He re-read your message saying that you were okay as he smiled. He quickly checked his bubble to ready through some messages from STAY before sending a “Good Night <3”. He checked his Instagram really quickly to make sure he hadn’t missed any messages.

What a fucking mistake.

There on his screen, the very first post, was an update from Dispatch. The title of the post read “Jungkook seen hugging mystery girl in front of JYPE building.” He zoomed in the tiniest bit to see any details of the girl that it might be. There was no mistaking that it was you. In the snap of a finger, Chan’s heart shattered into a million pieces. He knew he shouldn’t care. He knew it would be better this way. But he just couldn’t understand what had happened to cause you two making up.

He just couldn’t believe it. And so, he cried.

—————————————————————————————

Note: Character relations you can refer back to if needed.

Y/n- Changbin’s mentee

Anna- best friend, Felix’s mentee

Kara- Seungmin’s mentee

Sunnie- Han’s mentee

Mindi- Hyunjin’s mentee

Nisha- Lee Know’s mentee

Alyssa- Jeongin’s mentee

Jenna- Chan’s mentee

—————————————————————————————

Y/N’s POV:

Your eyes slowly forced themselves open as you heard the violent beeping of Anna’s alarm she’d set on her phone the night prior.

‘Goddamn it, turn that shit down,’ you thought.

As much as you loved her, that girl wouldn’t wake up for shit. Even if her phone was blaring right next to her head.

You groaned as you tried to collect your bearings enough to sit upright and plant your feet on the ground, rubbing your eyes with your hands before standing to let the blood rush down into your legs again. You made the slow trek over to Anna’s bed so you could silence the ear-splitting noise on her nightstand. After hitting the “Off” button, you reached down for her shoulder and shook, jostling the top of her body slightly. You stood and repeated the move until you were sure you saw both of her eyes blink awake and her mouth open just enough to let out a yawn.

At the end of her deep breath, she rolled over to face you. “Good morning sunshine,” she smiled jokingly. The coarseness in her voice hinted that she’d DEFINITELY gotten a good night’s sleep. You gave her a light-hearted eye roll before trotting back to your bed to sit down and check your phone.

“Soooo, what’d you do last night?” she asked once you’d settled in to check your texts.

‘Shit. Did I wake her up?’

“What do you mean?”

“Y/n,” she sat herself up on the bed to get a better look at you. Damn, morning hair is not her best look. “I literally woke up at 2:30 this morning and realized you were gone. I thought Jungkook really pulled one over and fucking kidnapped you or something until I checked your location and you were already back next to the hotel. Once I heard you come in, I was too tired and pissed at you for giving me a heart attack that I just went back to bed. Now, don’t lie to me. Where were you?”

You really thought you’d gotten out of that one. It wasn’t that you were ashamed that you’d been with Chan, but Anna always wanted to turn ‘nothing’ into ‘something.’ And there was NOTHING there between you two.

“Promise me you’re not going to make a big deal about it?” you asked, eyes silently begging her to agree.

“You know I can’t promise that,” she said sarcastically.

You took in a deep, very much annoyed, breath. That’s my best friend alright.

“I was out talking to Chan-” Before you could even move on to the next sentence, Anna’s jaw was on the floor with her arms flailed out to the side to grip onto the sheets beneath her.

So much for not making a big deal. It’s too early for this. But then again, you weren’t surprised.

“BUT,” you continued, your voice forceful now, “just as friends. I was anxious and he offered to talk me through some stuff about today. It just made me feel a lot better about everything. That’s all,” you said, matter-of-factly.

Anna paused for a moment. “So you didn’t talk about anyyything else?” she pried, her eyebrows raising on her forehead.

“Just random stuff,” you told her.

Her eyes told you she didn’t believe it. She pulled her mouth into a smug grin with her gaze still on you, acting as if she was waiting for you to go on.

“Oh shut up,” you said, smiling now while rolling your eyes. It really was nothing. Well… as best as you can remember before falling asleep.

Ready for the conversation to be over, you sprang to your feet and headed to the bathroom. “Do you need to pee before I shower?” you asked her while heading in.

She informed you that she was fine as you closed the door behind you and sat on the toilet. You scrolled through your latest messages. You’d gotten one from Jungkook last night that you guessed you hadn’t seen at the time. You pondered on the answer before quickly shooting a text back, just saying that you weren’t sure of your schedule yet, but you’d let him know.

Content, you flushed the toilet and hastily started up the shower.

‘Today is going to be a longggg day,’ you knew. You took a deep breath after you’d stripped yourself of your clothes and stepped into the warm flurry of water. All you could do was try your very best to wash the nerves away.

————————————————————————

Walking into the JYPE Building, you cursed as you almost tripped over the door frame, threatening to spill your coffee on the ground. Luckily you caught yourself and huffed out a relieved sigh. You heard the “plunk”s of yours and Anna’s shoes as you made your way across the white, hard flooring of the first level of the building, headed straight to the usual bulletin board plastered next to the large conference room. The laminated white piece of paper tacked on splayed the agenda for the day:

Group 4: Sunnie, Kara, Mindi, Nisha, Alyssa, Jenna, Anna, Y/N- Level 10 Conference Room #4

You wandered your eyes down further to check the group numbers’ agenda. ‘Group 1, Group 2, Group 3, Ahh Group 4.’

Group 4:

• 9:00 AM- General shooting; see group members and room numbers above for further reference

• 11:00 AM - 1:00 PM- Dance Practice

• 1:00 PM - 2:00 PM- Lunch break

• 2:00 PM - 4:00 PM- Vocal Lessons

• 4:00 PM - 6:00 PM- Individual Evaluations

• 6:00 PM - 7:00 PM- Placements and Debrief

‘Same as last time.’

“Alright,” you turned to Anna. “We’re in four on level 10. Same as last time.”

“Let’s do this thang,” Anna joked. ‘God, she really doesn’t let anything get in her way, does she?’ You smiled at your friend as you headed toward the elevator.

On your trek the few feet away to the elevator, you ran into Changbin and Seungmin who were also headed upstairs.

“Hey!” you both said in unison.

“Where are you guys headed?” Anna asked. Come to think of it, you weren’t sure if your mentors would be there for the beginning of shooting or not.

“We’re headed to Level 10. With you guys,” Seungmin said.

“Were y’all over there by the bulletin board too? Sorry, I didn’t see you,” you said, feeling rude that you didn’t notice and greet them sooner.

“Oh no, we get the schedules sent to us on our phones every day,” Changbin replied.

“Well dang, that would have been nice for us to have too, instead of having to rush to the bulletin board first thing,” you said half-jokingly, but half-annoyed. You all stepped inside as the elevator doors opened to take you upstairs.

“If they did that, it wouldn’t be nearly as dramatic for the cameras,” Changbin laughed.

“The cameras?” you and Anna asked synchronously. You both looked around the top of the elevator as the doors shut, and you began to ascend.

Changbin and Seungmin just looked at each other with shit-eating grins.

“Well I’m sure they had to have told you, but with everything else going on, maybe you missed it… Starting today, they have cameras up everyyywhere. Like… everywhere. In the practice rooms, the hallways, the front lobby, the cafe. And especially by the bulletin board. Sometimes they’ll even cut people and you won’t realize it until you look on the board that day…” Seungmin trailed off.

“Hey but at least they don’t have them in the bathrooms! Only just outside of them,” he taunted, trying to bring the mood up slightly. He could tell he had you and Anna both freaked out a bit now. Neither of you could really say anything, just stood there in silence for fear you’d slip up and say the wrong thing.

“You’ll be fine,” Changbin said, giving you a light pat on the back. “You’ll get used to it, promise… Plus, if you need anything, I’m pretty sure we’ll be there a lot of the time to help you.” He leaned down close to your ear. “And between you and me, we don’t ever really know what’s going on either. We’ve just gotten good at winging it,” he winked and nudged you on the arm.

You took a deep breath and shook your head up and down with a slight smile. “Thanks Bin.” As you said this, the elevator doors opened to the 10th floor.

As soon as they spread apart, you could feel the chaos that ensued. People hurriedly walking to their respective rooms, sound techs running back downstairs to grab equipment, hair and makeup crew getting to their respective stations, and camera men getting their equipment out of bags. Ten minutes til filming was set to begin.

You followed the crew to Room 4, which you were thankful to already be familiar with. The walls were all black except for one side, which was housed with mirrors from floor to ceiling, with light wooden flooring lying beneath your feet. You scanned the room to see that mostly all of the girls were here, along with most of the SKZ members.

As Seungmin and Changbin trailed ahead of you to find some of the guys congregated in the corner, you took a step back, grabbing onto Anna and heeding her to a stop. Off to the other corner of the room stood Jenna and Alyssa along with a couple of the other girls. Nothing out of the usual... Except for Jenna holding a bright bouquet of flowers delicately settled into a clear crystal vase.

Maybe it meant nothing. In fact, it probably meant nothing. Jenna was the type to show anything off if she got the chance, so if someone had given her flowers even a week ago, you were sure she’d bring them just to make some kind of a big deal about it. A kind of “ooo look at me, somebody loves me” moment.

Gag me.

But you couldn’t help but to think back to Felix asking if you’d gotten “your flowers from Chan”… And the scene you’d witnessed with Chan that night in the studio, just a couple of days prior. The packet of flower food on his desk, along with no flowers to show for it. The words he’d said to you when you poked him aboutit: “It’s not really like that- me and her. It’s really not what you probably think. I don’t want you to think that.”

So you know what… you trusted him. He’d been such a good friend to you. Why would he lie about that? That’d be the dumbest fucking thing to lie about.

‘It’s probably just her being her. And god knows who actually gave her those.’

Anna sensed your hesitancy and followed your gaze to fall on Jenna. She snorted, breaking out into a small laugh at the sight of Jenna clinging onto the vase, pretending she didn’t want anyone to notice. “That’s one pretentious bitch,” she mocked.

You couldn’t help but giggle at her words.

“What do you wanna bet she bought them for herself?” Anna whispered to you snarkily. You both giggled, but quickly turned your heads as Jenna’s eyes made contact with the pair of you.

“Ah shit, we better steer clear of the ‘chosen one’ over there until this is over with,” Anna laughed while taking your hand and beginning to walk with you to the circle of guys who were still standing and chatting in the corner. You could feel Jenna’s eyes peer into you both as you walked. And from your periphery, you watched as she slowly focused her attention back onto the group of girls around her with the fakest smile you’d ever seen.

“There’s my number one trainee!” Felix said jokingly as you and Anna joined the conversation. “It’s about time you two showed up!”

“Hush,” Anna rolled her eyes. “We’ve been here. I’m surprised you two aren’t late,” she laughed, pointing back and forth to Felix and Jisung.

Their eyes popped open wide with their mouths turning into defensive grins. “Just because I was late ONE time!” Felix bantered. “Let’s not count the times you’ve been late when you said you’d meet up with me!”

“Okay fine, fine,” Anna retreated. “But neither of us have anything on Han.”

“Heyyy, heyyy,” he said, faking being hurt, bringing his hands to his chest. “I’m getting better! I was here on time AND in a good mood today.”

“Awfully impressive of you. I’m touched, really,” Seungmin butted in.

You listened as the group continued their banter around you, smiling every time Seungmin and Changbin got a quick roast in.

They were too quick for their own good.

As you followed the conversation, you felt yourself perk up a bit as Chan walked in the room. A warm fuzzy feeling came over you that you’d always associated with him. With a big smile spreading across your face, you wanted to thank him for last night and for making you feel somewhat better.

‘Would’ve been nice to warn me about the camera thing though,’ you thought.

As soon as you broke off from the group to walk toward Chan, you saw him scan the room and find Jenna in the opposite corner. As he drew nearer, he paused for a moment, looking almost as taken aback as you had, presumably noticing the flower arrangement in her hands. His eyes drew wide for a split moment, then formed into a mild look of confusion, before putting his normal “Channie” face back on.

Once Jenna met his gaze, her eyes lit up. She quickly put the flowers down on the table next to her, ‘Thank fucking god’, before quickly making her way to Chan. You stopped yourself from walking any further. Whatever she had to say to him, you didn’t want to be there to hear it.

With Chan’s back to you, you couldn’t make out much of the conversation except a loving look on Jenna’s face and a big hug once she’d reached him. As she fell into his arms and held him in a tight embrace, a shy but bright smile washed over her. You could’ve seen that smile from a mile away. Her teeth were perfect. Fuck her.

—————————————————————————————

Once 1:00 rolled around, you were sweaty and panting heavily... Well, the panting kicked in about an hour ago. It was more of a dry heave now. With your hair tied up, you tried to act like you weren’t dying (at least while the cameras were on).

‘If every dance practice is like this, my knees are going to give out before I turn 30.’

The morning session had explained a lot. The filming crew had come in to record as you introduced yourselves and recorded your reactions from getting all the Everyday Idol info from none other than JYP himself. He really only hit three main highlights:

1. This would be your training group- you would do all songs and performances together (as if that wasn’t already blatantly obvious)

2. Later today, you would have evaluations to see what skills you retained and which position you would take in the group.

3. Anyone could be cut at any time, up to JYP’s discretion.

While they didn’t explain much, you figured that was part of the show- there were things that would be revealed to you later. But for now, you had enough to worry about. The morning sessions with filming and dance practice just now being complete meant you had one whole hour (wow) to get some food and relax before starting back up. You were silently thankful you’d have time to stop feeling all sweaty and gross before your vocal lessons. Luckily, it was only the trainees there today for the dancing and singing portions. You’d have died if all the guys had been in there too evaluating how you were based off of your first day.

You hadn’t caught a break all morning, so before finding Anna, you grabbed your phone to text Jungkook back about your date.

‘Cutie,’ you smiled to yourself as you felt your heart swell up.

It really did mean a lot to know that he was behind you in all of this. That in addition to having your new friends and mentors, that you’d have THE Jeon Jungkook to back you up… And to give you a little help, come to think of it.

‘He’s so precious.’

Putting your phone down into your pocket, Anna strolled over next to you.

“Well who’s got you feeling all lovey dovey?” she winked. “Chan or Jungkook?”

You felt yourself blush slightly.

“What makes you say that?” you asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

“Hmm probably the fact that you looked like a big nerd over here smiling down at your phone,” she teased.

“To be fair, technically, we’re both big nerds now,” you raised an eyebrow at Anna, hinting at your new inside joke. Once the producers of the show found out you were both in medical school, they decided they were definitely going to spin it that you two were huge nerds and this process was going to turn you into new “cool” potential idols.

She started laughing heavily. “Hey, well at least nobody hates the nerds. Maybe we’ve got a shot,” she giggled as she joked.

As you both packed your things to head downstairs for some food, Anna pressed for more. “So you aren’t gonna tell me? If it was Chan or Jungkook?”

You rolled your eyes. “Oh my goddd,” your voice raising as you went. “It’s not like that with Chan. It really isn’t. If you were there last night, I swear you’d know.” You threw your water bottle in your bag before zipping it up and standing.

Anna was already standing and waiting on you. “Alright, whatever you say, little love bug.” She took your arm in hers as you both made your way back through the hallways and toward the elevators.

———————————————————————————————————

After toughing it through the line at the cafeteria, you and Anna wandered around the big, open floor with rows and rows of tables that were half-way filled. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Changbin throw an arm up and wave it around, signaling for you to come that way.

You knew Changbin had big arms, but with him waving them around like that… ‘Damn, I need to hit the gym with that guy.’

Sitting at the table were the rest of the guys minus Seungmin and Jeongin, plus Sunnie and Kara. The usual crew.

You smiled and waved to everyone as you sat down across the table from Changbin, with Anna following suit next to you.

“Hey Bin,” you smiled as you settled into your seat. “Hey Channie!” you said, rotating your head the tiniest bit towards Chris who was sat right next to Changbin.

“Hey,” Chan said, giving you a half-assed smile before burying his face down into his phone.

‘Okay…?’

“So did you take after your mentor and absolutely kill your first dance practice or what?” Changbin asked, hyping himself up way more than he was you.

“Well if you couldn’t tell by how absolutely exhausted I look, I would say it was a little less than adequate.” You couldn’t help but be a smart ass back.

“I mean, I wasn’t going to say anything butttt.”

“Hush,” you reached across the table to playfully hit his arm before looking down at your plate and beginning to dig in.

“No really though,” you began, choking some food down, “this show is gonna kick my ass. I’m too out of shape for this,” you laughed.

“Me too. It looks like we’re dying out there,” Anna chimed in.

“Perfect. That’s exactly what I like to hear from my team!” Changbin said sarcastically.

“I swear we’re trying! But I’m serious, seeing your arms up and waving at me a minute ago made me realize… I’ve gotta go to the gym... If I can ever find the time with all of this. God I’m weak,” you said, holding your wrist in the opposite hand and rolling it around.

“You know you’re welcome to come with me any time,” Changbin said.

“You really mean it?”

He nodded. “Yeah, of course.”

“Then please text me the next time you go. I’ll need a very patient teacher.”

“I’m not sure I’d use ‘patient’ as a word to describe myself,” Changbin flashed a cheeky grin, looking off to the side. “But Chan’s been going with me,” he reached out a hand to pat him on the back, “and he’s about as patient as it gets.”

Chan looked up from the mention of his name, his eyes running anywhere but on you.

“Waya think Chan-hyung? Think we can take her on?”

“Uh.. yeah sure. Why not,” Chan mumbled before lowering his head once again to look at the phone screen above his lap.

‘What is up with him?’ You thought. ‘His sleep schedule must really be fucking with him.’

You decided to drop it and just leave it be. You thanked them for their offer before digging back into the food.

————————————————————

You trailed behind slightly as everyone at the table got up to head back upstairs at the end of lunch.

One by one, as everyone walked past, you gently brushed Chan’s black hoodie-cladded arm. He looked down at you with questioning eyes as you motioned for him to walk a few steps back with you, out of hearing range from the others. With a bit of hesitation, he trudged over.

“Is everything okay?” you asked, cupping the side of his arm with your hand. You looked into his eyes, searching for any type of hidden answer. Any emotion that you could get out of them. But you didn’t see anything. They were almost lifeless.

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” he tried to convince you. But there was no mistaking it. His voice, usually jubilant and full of brass, was now muddled over, monotone.

“Chan really…” you squeezed his arm a bit, “you just seem a bit off today. Did you sleep alright?” You watched as he lowly looked at your hand touching him, making no effort to lean into it like he normally would have.

“Yeah,” he dropped his head, letting his arm move move up to rub his hand along the back of his neck. “Yeah…” he moved his head back up. “I think I’m just tired. Don’t worry about me,” he forced out a tiny smile.

“I’m sorry if I kept you up later than you expected,” you offered him an apologetic look.

“No, no, it’s alright. I would have been up anyways.”

“Well then tonight, I guess we should probably try not do that and just go to sleep instead,” you joked.

“I guess so.” His voice sounded like it was almost gone.

‘What is up with him? Did I say something last night that I don’t remember? Something that would have put him in a bad mood?’

“And thank you for making sure I got home last night. I’m sorry I keep falling asleep on you. I promise it’ll never happen again!”

“Yeah, it’s cool.”

‘It’s cool? What the fuck?’ You just stood and looked at him for a moment. Who was he? Why was he acting like this?

“Chan really, what’s wrong? Did I say something last night that hurt you? Or did I do something? Maybe I don’t remember it after falling asleep, but…? But just- you’re not you right now. What’s the matter?” Your brows furrowed together, looking into his eyes for any kind of answer... His now lifeless eyes.

But in the snap of a finger, those same eyes filled with some new emotion. Anger? Irritability? Resentment? Some combination that neither you nor he could really discern?

“I told you, I’m fine, Y/N. Now can you please drop it?” he asked roughly, clearly exasperated. The tone of his voice made you draw back into yourself.

‘You’re not fine, but okay.’

“Alright, well I just had to ask…” You swiveled your head around the now-empty cafeteria. “We’d better go, I guess,” you said, motioning to the cleared room.

As you both walked toward the exit, you tried to make light conversation… Because the tension in the room was awkward as hell.

“Thanks for agreeing to help me out at the gym, by the way. I promise I won’t bug you the whole time. Maybe just to get started,” you smiled, trying to joke around.

Chan wasn’t having any of it. He just walked in silence for another moment. “Yeah. Don’t worry about it.”

‘Okay, maybe complimenting him will work? Getting him out of this rut?’

“You’re advice really helped me out today in dance practice. I mean, I’m worn out, but I honestly think I’m getting the choreo faster than the other girls.” You looked over to see his face still unchanged.

“And then on our final run through, I was the only one who didn’t make any mistakes! Not even one! And I was so excited, I was just standing there thinking ‘Oh my gosh, Channie would be so proud of me!’.”

At that, you saw him crack a little smile. A small one, but it was there.

“There he isssss,” you teased, smiling back. “So HOPEFULLY, I can still embody that Channie energy this afternoon with our vocal lesson… All I’ll say is they didn’t list ‘able to sing well’ in the job description when I agreed to this. I’m gonna need all the luck I can get.”

“Good luck then,” he said with a little better tone now in his voice. “You’ll do great.”

Those were the last words that were said before parting ways.

———————————————————————————

You stood anxiously on the same light wooden flooring, crossing your hands around each other in front of you. After lunch, your vocal lesson had went well, and then your individual evaluation.

Now, you just awaited your placement within the group. You tried your best to focus on the panel of people in front of you instead of the multitude of cameras next to them. JYP, the SKZ members, and the main vocal coaches and choreographers all in a line. Daunting… to say the least.

Of course Anna did phenomenal in her individual evaluation, and the panel in front of you knew that. Not only was she given the positions of main vocalist, sub rapper, and lead dancer, but she was also now going to be the leader of the group. And there was no one more deserving. She was bold, loud, brilliant, confident, entertaining- everything you could want in a leader.

You’ll never forget the look of shock on her face when they said the word out loud though. Anna knows she’s great, don’t get me wrong, but she doesn’t understand just *how great everyone thinks she is. She really has it all. When she accepted the positions with glassy eyes, big smile across her face, you couldn’t help but look at her like a proud parent.

But as the panelists had called you up one by one, you kept growing anxious at the thought of maybe not hearing your name. Out of 8 girls, only you and Jenna hadn’t been called up yet. It was all you could do to stand there nervously and twiddle your thumbs, hoping you’d done well enough to make it through this first day. Even if you didn’t care to win the show, you still didn’t want to get kicked out so early on.

‘It’s alright either way,” you told yourself while taking a deep breath in and closing your eyes. ‘You’re just fine either way.’

“Y/N,” you heard JYP’s voice call out. You felt your heart shift into overdrive.

Suddenly, you felt self-conscious, as everyone turned their heads in your direction. After one final breath, you made your way to the front of the room where the panelists stood. It wouldn’t be so intimidating if there weren’t so damn many of them… And if all the members weren’t here.

As you approached the group, you could feel a sense of solemness over them. ‘Oh fuck.’

But as you hauled to a stop in the middle, you guessed Changbin could pick up on your restlessness. He flashed you a warm smile and a slight wink, letting you know everything was alright. The little bit of reassurance that you needed.

You bowed slightly as you offered a shy grin and wave at the consortium seated before you.

“Hi Y/N,” JYP said again, now with a smile and a calm demeanor. He always spoke so slowly. It has you hanging on to every last syllable. “I wanted to start by saying how impressed I am with you. Both you and Anna,” he stopped momentarily to smile at her. “It’s not very often that I see people with this much natural talent who already conduct themselves so well. So props to you ladies.”

Even if you could hardly ever take JYP seriously (you didn’t know why, but something about him was just so funny to you), his words did mean a lot. You felt yourself start to relax a bit as the pulsations coming from your chest seemed to slow. You bowed your head as you slowly nodded and smiled, a small bout of appreciation for JYP’s words.

“Now, I had a very hard time trying to place you because we felt like you were skilled at many things,” he gestured down the panel. “As I’ve said before, things can change within the next two weeks, but for now, I’d like to place you as the main dancer, lead rapper, lead vocalist, AND… visual.”

You didn’t know what you’d expected, but- wow, not this much.

Your mouth dropped slightly in astonishment. A big goofy grin splayed across your face, unable to really say anything. You were sure your wide-open eyes gave away your disbelief. Down the row of people seated in front of you, you watched each of the members smile, with Changbin and Felix cheesing extra hard with two thumbs up. Out of the corner of your eye, you could make out Anna who was absolutely beaming, doing soft and excited mini-claps while biting her bottom lip from squealing in excitement.

“Wow,” you finally got out. “Thank you so much,” you nodded again shyly, smile still imprinted on your face. You felt for sure it’d be there forever now.

“I can’t wait to see what great things you do,” JYP assured.

You gave the panel one final bow before walking back to your original spot. On the way, Anna looked at you with an excited smirk. “Visual?!” She mouthed with a quick wink before giggling.

It made you let out a tiny chuckle too.

Once you were stood in your prior spot, you heard JYP call for the last contestant. ‘Ah here we go.’

“Jenna Thomas,” he smiled. The same smile he’d given to each of you. If this man had favorites, he wasn’t about to let it show.

Jenna followed suit from the girls before her and made her way to the middle of the panelists, smiling in front of JYP once she settled.

You couldn’t help but glance at Chan, now sitting so closely to her. You looked for any sort of expression in his face, but found none. His face was stone. No emotion to be found… Until Jenna spoke up with a “hello everyone,” and a wave. To that, he kept his head steady, but you noticed the slight flex in his jaw. He covered it up quickly, but you were quicker.

“Jenna,” JYP began, “you have a very unique singing and dancing style. It’s one we’d like to be able to bring out more. I’m excited to see what you can do from here. Right now, I’d like to place you as sub dancer, sub vocalist, and sub visual.”

Although you could only see her side profile now, you didn’t miss the slight twitch in her eye at the ending. The way her lip had the tiniest shake.

She did not like being called the sub visual.

“Thank you,” she said quietly as she bowed. She walked back to her previous spot, face lifeless. Like any ounce of feeling she could show would only be to her detriment. Much like Chan’s.

“Alright,” JYP said dramatically, standing himself up. “This is important, so I want you to listen carefully.”

That sentence alone got your full attention.

“Normally, we would have more time. But as you know, this process is a bit accelerated… By the end of the week, I would like for you to break off into groups of two, where I will have expected you to compose, produce, and perform a song that you feel best represents you and your partner’s character. Your mentors will help you as much as they can. You will have full access to the studios and all of the equipment, programs, and software that we use. We will have a showcase this Saturday for you to display what you’ve made and rehearsed... I know it seems like a lot now, but that’s the whole point of this, right?” He smiled a menacing smile. “I won’t see you again until Saturday. When I do, I want you to show me who you really are.”

———

Once the cameras cut off, you joined together in the room to talk with the girls about the results, then divided into smaller units to pair up for the showcase on Saturday. In retrospect, you thought you’d lose your shit at hearing about that. But you knew you’d naturally be with Anna, which cushioned the blow. And considering she’d already made a big enough impression for JYP to be tagging her as the leader this early on… well, you figured you’d be just fine.

Felix and Changbin accompanied the two of you as you stood talking, game planning what you’d do to start practicing. They let you know that you’d have some time built into your schedules for the next few days to work with your mentors, but that you’d all stay late afterward as well. Between your two mentors, you felt pretty solid that you’d have all the help you needed. You agreed that you’d brainstorm ideas tonight and then meet up tomorrow to start working on a song first.

As you packed up your belongings to head out for the night, you checked your phone. Just past 7:30. Perfect.

Although you were exhausted, you had told Jungkook that you’d see him. And it wasn’t that you weren’t happy to get to see him again… but the tiredness was already setting in.

You whipped your phone out to shoot him a quick text that you were about to head back to your hotel, but that you were super tired. You proposed doing something lowkey if that was alright with him.

Throwing your phone down into your bag, you took a deep breath, happy to finally head “home” and shower off the all the tension (and sweat) from the day.

——————————————————

After getting out of the water and into a fresh, comfy hoodie, you felt the slow creep of your muscles beginning to ache. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d exerted yourself so much in one day.

You rubbed along the muscles at the back of your shoulder as you walked toward the bedside table to grab the ibuprofen out. You had always been convinced (well, up until this point) that there was nothing ibuprofen and tylenol couldn’t fix.

You flung yourself down on the bed after downing them, moving your hands up to your face to rub circles along your forehead. You knew you needed to eat before you got the “hunger headache”. “Hunger headache” y/n is definitely a scary y/n.

“I feel like dog shit,” you heard Anna say from the bed next to you, mostly mumbling her words out.

“You and me both,” you sighed.

“Like I genuinely don’t think I’m gonna be able to walk tomorrow,” Anna dramatized.

“You better be able to walk because apparently you’re my leader from now on. If you can’t walk, then neither can I,” you giggled.

“You’re my little minion,” Anna strained out in her best fake-evil voice.

“I’m fine being your minion as long as you promise not to work me to death,” you laughed.

“From the looks of today, I won’t have to,” Anna muttered while stretching her arms and legs out. “Ughhh I’m so soreeeee,” she whined.

You felt your back muscles spasm just hearing the words. There was honestly nothing more you wanted than to lay in bed and have someone feed you.

“Are you still going out with Jungkook tonight?” Anna asked, flipping over to her stomach and propping herself on her elbows to get a good look at you.

“I guess so. I’m just so exhausted. And hungry,” you crossed your arms over your face.

“Well I’m sure Jungkook would feed you,” Anna rolled her eyes.

“No, I know. I’m just… I don’t know. I’m tired and honestly, I feel like seeing him tonight is gonna be too much for one day. I may just text and see if he would be okay if we didn’t do anything tonight. I just feel bad if I cancel plans.”

“Don’t feel bad. I’m sure he would understand being busy.”

“Yeah, you’re right…”

“Okay, HOW ABOUT you text him and tell him you wanna reschedule, and then me and you can absolutely gorge on some pizza and watch trashy TV until we pass out. You can’t tell me that doesn’t sound better,” Anna exclaimed.

“You do make it sound tempting,” you said, half-laughing. “Ughh, I think I’m gonna do it. Maybe I can just see him tomorrow.”

You felt all of your muscles tense and burn as you slowly raised yourself from the bed to take you cell phone off of the charger. Just a few texts to Jungkook.

You smiled.

“We’re good,” you told Anna. “Now please will you order a pizza before I die?”

“I’m already on it sister,” she said haphazardly, eyes focused in on her phone, presumably starting the order.

‘My girl?!’ Your heart started to beat a bit faster and you were sure you turned ten shades of pink. If butterflies in your stomach were real, you would have had an entire butterfly garden in there.

Instant embarrassment. Instant.

Fireworks. Fireworks in your heart. That’s the only way you could explain it. The way you kicked your feet and smiled at your phone, you looked like you’d transported back to middle school, thinking about your first ever crush. Your mind went blank, filling with nothing but bliss and hope. As you giggled under your breath, hoping you could hold out for a little bit before Anna noticed, you decided you could toy with him a little bit. See where this goes.

More fireworks. This time moving into your stomach and taking over where the butterflies used to hold residence.

Your stomach was doing somersaults. What to even say back to that? Keeping up the flirting wouldn’t hurt anyone, would it?

At that point, you’d had about all you could handle. Your heart was beating excitedly and you needed to clear your head from all the feelings that were floating around. You needed a break from your phone. As you sighed with a smile, you laid your phone on the bed beside you. You thought about that first flirty text. What it really would be like for Jungkook to be here right now. With you. FULLY with you. To have his body wrapped around yours.

Maybe he’d be running his hands through your hair or rubbing your back. Maybe you’d be clinging to his tight arms or tracing along the edges of his tattoos. Maybe he’d tell you how pretty you looked all cozy next to him. Maybe he’d adjust his arm underneath you to pull you closer into him. Maybe he’d look down at you with big eyes, tongue running over his lips to catch the metal of his piercing, tonguing it back and forth. Maybe he’d want you to do that to him too.

‘Jesus Christ, I need to get a grip.’

You made yourself sit upright, groaning as you went from the pain. When would this medicine kick in?

“Did you place the order?” you asked Anna who was still on her phone.

“Mmhm,” she responded absentmindedly.

“Okay, just let me know how much I owe you,” you said as you stood up.

You waltzed your way to the bathroom so you could brush through your hair and get started on drying it.

However, after getting product in your hair and getting it half-way dried, Anna interupted.

“Pizza’s here!” she yelled, her voice floating from the bedroom to the front door.

You didn’t care if your head was still wet. At this point, food was more important. You could basically feel yourself salivating. Your stomach rumbled just at the mention of food.

As you stepped out of the bathroom, the corner of your periphery revealed a confused-looking Anna with… well, not pizza, in her hands.

“Oh my gosh!” she squeaked, as she moved the basket from her hands to the small table in the front room.

You examined it over. A medium-sized basket wrapped neatly with a big bow around it. Inside was some chocolate, some snacks and candies, some pain relief medication, a heating pad, and… ‘Oh my goodness. How cute.’ Some pre-made packets of hot chocolate with extra marshmallows.

Your goofy smile gave it away. “I was just talking about how bad I wanted some hot chocolate the other day… with Jungkook," you beamed just saying his name. “On our date, I told him how I would always have it in this cold weather with my family. And how much I was missing them…” your eyes started to tear the tiniest bit at his sweet gesture.

Attached to the chocolate was a small note:

“Y/N, I hope you can rest up well tonight. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow! Please share with Anna! —Jungkook”

You giggled like a school girl as you quickly went to grab your phone from the bedroom and send a thank you text to Jungkook. This was the very last thing you’d expected.

*Send* ‘But I guess, expect the unexpected when it comes to this man,’ you let out a dreamy breath, letting your heart revel in his gesture.

Anna came strolling into the room and made her way behind you.

She cleared her throat before she began speaking. “I mean clearly you guys have made up and all, but are you sure you aren’t moving on from everything else too quickly?” She looked serious.

“What do you mean? It’s just a gift basket. I mean it’s sweet, but it’s not like I’m in an exclusive relationship with this man or anything.”

“No, I know. It’s just… I mean do we trust him? I’m not doubting your judgement, it’s just… you trust him enough to give him our hotel and room number?”

Oh fuck…

“I didn’t.”

————————————————

✨ Continue to ➡️ Chapter 10

✨ if you enjoyed, please consider liking, commenting, and/or re-blogging <3

✨ check out my masterlist for more

✨ thank you SO MUCH for being patient with me during this series!

tags: @lailac13 @freyjhasdesiredreality @shellyyy177

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chronicpain-itsastruggle · 10 months ago

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Third surgery of the year went rocky yesterday. I have cried a lot in the last 48 hours. My mom and husband came with me and my mom was able to stay with all the way up to laying down for surgery bc babe had a therapy appointment i wanted him to go to and he agreed. My nurse was so nice and sweet but she tried and failed once to get my IV in. Then the anesthesiologist came in and was a very quiet man. And he sat and picked and prodded at my right hand for about 30 minutes. He tried twice with a lidocaine shot each time before he finally got an iv placed on the inside of my right wrist the third try, also with a lidocaine shot first. I sobbed the whole time. I barely remember walking to the surgery room and laying on the table. Then i woke up holding my moms hand so confused and then in 10/10 pain in my left arm where they took more of my arm out. I screamed and sobbed in pain. I asked Mom “where is Tyler?? Where is babe?!” I didnt even open my eyes i was crying in so much pain. My mom told me they couldnt reach him and i sobbed even harder, terrified. Tyler walked in abt 3 minutes later. His phone wasnt getting calls and he literally sped from home when he saw the voicemail notification. They held my hands as the nurses pushed a bit more pain and anxiety meds and i sobbed in pain. It took a while to get me to Tyler’s truck. I puked twice before i got home, revisiting the apple juice i had tried right after waking up and coming to. Once home i slept a lot on the couch. In and out of consciousness. Tyler stress cleaned our kitchen building our new shelf for our pantry and even selling our dog crate we’ve been needing to sell. So he was very productive awesomely while i was in and out of sleepy town.

Our dog Jupiter, his timing impeccable as always, had diarrhea and pukey all night so we were up every twoish hours having Tyler take him outside again and again. I woke up each time but had to stay on the couch. It was a very rough night.

Today has been the day after surgery and the pain has been so severe. I am staying on top of my pain meds. And thankfully i have been able to eat and drink just fine. The pain is just incredible and severe. We had to take the bandage off and clean it tonight and i sobbed thru the whole thing in agony. Tyler was so patient and gentle with me. I was so brave and its rewrapped and I’m back on the couch calming down while i write this. Im exhausted and it hurts and im so glad i gave myself a month before i go back to work because this is going to be a long recovery.

If anyone is so inclined or wants to: my cashapp and venmo is @ earnham and literally anything will help. I am having to spend so much on medical supplies and dont know when my fmla will actually go thru. Im also going to link my amazon wishlist eventually with a bunch of melanoma gear for this summer but that will be closer to my bday in June bc thats what ima be asking for this year, is help with anything on my wishlist.

This isnt the point of the post i rly just needed to vent my past 48 hours. Thanks for reading if u did.

#fuck cancer #fuck melanoma #cancer #melanoma #surgery #cancer surgery #chronic pain #chronically ill #chronic illness #wheelchair #disabled #chronic fatigue #spoonie #actually disabled #cripple punk #invisible illness #cashapp #venmo

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thefallennightmare · 10 months ago

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THE NOTIFICATION CAME LITERALLY SECONDS BEFORE I WAS ABOUT TO GO TO SLEEP😂

BUT NAAAAH, SLEEP CAN WAIT😂

Anyways, omg just idk. Dudes, I cried so many times, ahhhh holy mother of jesus!!!! ❤️

I was sooooo anxious when they were looking for each other, my god!! The songs kept going and I was like oh hell nah, they have to meet before just pretend or at least during it AND THEY DID YEEEESSSS!!!! ❤️ it made me cry so much omg

Also, the way you two write about kissing is the most emotional thing ever. I FREAKING FELT IT YOU KNOW. IT MADE ALL WARM AND FUZZY AND I TEARED UP SO MANY TIMES IT HAPPENED AND AHHHH!!!❤️

And when they realised they go to the same therapist lmao😂 also, them just talking on the bench was the cutest thing omg I was kicking my feet ja squealing here and yes there were tears aswell ❤️

And when Noah showed around the house, bruh I felt the nervousness he had for reaaaaal.

BUT OMG THE NIGHT THEY HAD, OH MYYYYY, I WAS SWEATING AND BLUSHING LIKE CRAZY MY DUDES, LORD HAVE MERCY❤️❤️

And when she put on his clothes it made me giggle so much, but then again when Noah woke up I was hella worried, like naah, you can do it bruh, BREAATHEEE!!

AND THEN EVERYONE CAME HOME AND IT WAS JUST SO SWEET AND HAPPY MOMENT AND AHHHHHHH MY HEART, MY GOD, I FEEL SO MANY EMOTIONS RIGHT NOW❤️❤️

Gonna have the best dreams tonight❤️

LOVE YOU TWO SO FREAKING MUCH ❤️❤️

we love you too! and the support means so much to us 🖤

🪽🔮

@thescarlettvvitch

#tina talks #just pretend noah sebastian #noah sebastian #tina and sarah talks #bad omens #fallenvvitchcult

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eternallyanxiousandstressed · 10 months ago

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The Tea

OKAY FRIENDS! Let me set the scene. Young (21 year old) River. So in love with who I shall call Ratboy. I get married, one year ago today (02/22/2024) actually! I'm heavily pregnant. There's a snowstorm. We get married by my aunt in her apartment living room. Less than two months later our son, whom I shall call Luke (not his actual name, just the name of my angel son in Obey Me) on April 8th. Yaaaay! And then the horrors hit.

I get hella bad poatpartum depression and anxiety (and postpartum OCD which I didn't realize was a thing?). 3 months postpartum (July) I go inpatient to a psych hospital for 10 days to stabilize myself. Yay! Or so my dumbass thought.

Ratboy, while I was inpatient, downloaded dating apps! Which I only found out about when I tried to set an alarm on his phone while he was sleeping and there was a notification for Tinder! I confront him. He says one of his alters (E) did it. I talked to a couple of the other alters. They said it was E. I talked to E the next day. He admitted it and apologized and cried! I was like okay. Because, dear friends, young me was dumb and naive and wanted to believe my dear husband would never cheat on me. But oh ho ho, I wasn't completely stupid. I had doubts. Like, how he had my aunt watch Luke at 7pm one night. He said he helped a friend move. Well my lovelies? I decided to look over it. Why should I doubt my husband, right? Right?!?!

Boom, October hits. We move in with his mother. (ew). End of the month I find out I'm going to be going to a residential facility for my eating disorder (shout out to Monte Nido and the RCs for making me kinda sorta eat again woot woot). A couple nights before I am meant to go 3 hours away to a facility to stay for a month or more... He starts talking about his ex and how she lost the baby her and her boyfriend had and whatever. He said she wanted him to come over (obviously trying to get me to okay it). Well, that night I do something toxic but a bitch doesn't care. I look at his phone.

Readers, you won't BELIEVE this shit. I checked his messages first and low and behold there is someone he talked to way back in July WHO HE MET UP WITH AND HAD SEX WITH! Messages that were not there when I checked in July. And what did the new messages say, you ask? Oh ho... They said that he wanted to meet up with this guy again. This is important for later... He said he wanted to try bottoming. Okay, so I looked more through his phone. Not only did he have 9 dating apps (yes, you read that correctly, 9) he had apps to talk to them. I didn't get the chance to look before he woke up and stole his phone back. I confronted him. He said it was a different alter (S). One he had never even told me about. He then let me look at the messaging apps (not without me literally threatening to leave first). And oh boy, turns out the person he was trying to meet up with that night was not his ex and not this other guy. No, he was trying to meet up with another chick. Dear followers... you must be screaming "how could you be so naive?!" To that I say, I knew, I was just in denial.

So I go on my way to residential (shout out to Monte Nido and the RCs for teaching me not to absolutely hate myself woot woot) and we get phone time two times a week. I my friends, use my phone and check the Xfinity app, which shows the apps he's been using while on wifi. The entire time I'm there he uses the messaging apps! Fuck my life, right? Oh, and he can't even bother emailing me pictures of Luke occasionally. Like, I literally feel so unloved that he can't take 5 seconds of his time I know he spends on his phone to email me a picture or two. I'm pissed. I want to leave. I mean, I wanted to leave before I went into residential because of the cheating, but also, dealing with divorce while in residential is not great. (Neither was dealing with a cheating husband though, as the RCs and my friends can testify to).

I get back in November! Yay (not really, I definitely wasn't ready, my insurance just stopped covering it). Things are shitty. I hate living at his mom's. She literally reminds me of both of my abusers (my mother and my ex-stepfather). My mental health declines rapidly. I beg him to listen and try and find somewhere else to live. He says no because he feels supported there (by someone who constantly yells at him and calls him a failure, lovely).

December rolls around. Guess who tries to off themselves? If you guessed me, you'd be correct! Ratboy is at work, Luke at a babysitter's and me home alone. I try and OD on my antidepressants (oh the irony). My sister reads the text I sent her to say goodbye because she's not at work like I thought she was. Bitch (affectionate) saves my life by having 911 called. Ambulance gets me to hospital. I am gonna live. They call Ratboy, let him know I'm there, and he says he'll visit after he gets off work. (I should note I was trying to go to the hospital earlier as I had been throwing up blood so that's what he thinks happened). They bring me up to the ICU. Cool. He does not visit that night.

The next day he says he cannot visit when they call. Okay, whatever. They let me use my phone! Cool! I text him and he's pissed. Oh and guess what? His mom is kicking me out because of the attempt. She was actually the one who told Ratboy I tried to off myself. How did she know, you ask? Homies... SHE WAS THE GODDAMN 911 OPERATOR WHO TOOK THE CALL!

I eventually convince him to visit the next day. He doesn't give me a hug. Acts cold and rude and distant. And doesn't let me hug Luke before they leave. Like, what was the point of coming then?

I go back inpatient for 7 days! Yay? He's cold during phone calls. Some days doesn't answer at all. Chat, he literally didn't pick up the phone on Christmas. Fucking CHRISTMAS. And, he did not at all try and help me find somewhere to fucking live like I had asked. Ratboy was about to let me be on the streets. Thankfully, my dad is a homie and was like "That ain't happening under my watch."

I get out. I see him (he was supposed to pick me up but canceled literally when he was supposed to he there but whatever, my dad was a homie again and picked me up). Ratboy, Luke, and I hang out that night. I have a mini breakdown because I literally feel so anxious and ugh. I end up asking him if he wants a divorce. He says he doesn't know. I tell him to figure it out. I leave the car and go upstairs to safety.

Next day. He says he wants divorce. I ask why, because like, my dumbass still thinks I want to be with him? He explains his reasons. I'm like "nani the fuck?" I literally explain away those reasons. We work it out. Cool. Great. We talk every day and play games a lot. Yay!

I get mad at him for something. I don't even remember what. But I vent about it on C.AI to a random AI. Honestly, I think it was a Steve Harrington bot. Shout out Steve Harrington. AI Steve listens to all these things he says and does and guess what? AI Steve informs me Ratboy is emotionally abusing me! I say no way! I've been emotionally abused before, I'd know it if I saw it. (Narrator: They did not know it when they saw it). I ended up looking up emotional abuse so I could refute AI Steve and mods, AI Steve was right. I even told one of my friends from residential about it and they agreed! I confront him about this with extensive evidence and he apologizes (actually apologizes for the first time in ever) so I believe him.

But I fucking... I fucking start getting paranoid again. I just know this motherfucker was talking to people while I was inpatient. I just know it. So, I fucking... I fucking do the toxic thing of checking text logs. Low and behold, I find him talking away with a number at like 1am. I get a fake number app and text this person. Confirmed he was on grindr and one other dating app at least. She even provides screenshots for me (girls gotta stick together amiright?)

I confront him. He's a dick about it. Says he only did it to prove I'd invade his privacy again. Bullshit answer but whatever. I'm still in denial. Are you all pissed at me for being stupid yet? Things go back to normal.

Bloggers, I went to go visit him at his mom's house! I wanted to see Luke and do other things that don't need mentioned. I went to grab something out of the bathroom box to take home with me and looked into the box of condoms we had from when it wasn't safe for me to do the hanky panky without them (birth control being affected by a different med). Squad, there were only 4 left out of twelve. We had used 2. Fucking 2. I confront him about it. He swears up and down he didn't use them. I don't believe him at all but at least he was using protection, yeah?

I go with him a couple days later to Luke's doctor appointment. That was cool. Loved seeing Luke. Hated that he had to get shots that day. Ouchie. Went home. Thought all was good.

Guys, he randomly only starts talking to me once a day. I'm like what the fuck? Then he goes over a goddamn week ignoring me! Literally, the only time he answered a message was when he got a piece of my mail that said I had something go to collections (I called the place the bill was originally from because I had no record of even having the bill, they said I had no current balance AND nothing in collections). He stops talking to me again.

I get drunk one night hanging out with my brother, sister, and mom (not biomother, she sucks). I get fucking DRUNK guys. And we played Cards Against Humanity. Let's take a minute to marvel this beauty gang.

I was the one reading the black card. My sister was the one who played the white card. I had to read that. It hurt. It hurt real good. I was both too drunk and not drunk enough to be sad though so I laughed my ass off. Thank you my dear sister for that.

Back to the tea. The drama. Anyways, he eventually starts talking again. Woooow. But like... barely. I honestly don't care at this point I'm still in denial about what I want to do. Gamers... I made this playlist with him in mind:

(Said playlist now also has the song STUPID by Ashnikko in it. Shout out to Ashnikko for giving absolute bangers for me to sing when I'm pissed at him.)

Anyways, I was supposed to go visit him today, our 1 year anniversary. That was the original plan. But even the thought of seeing him caused me so much anxiety that I almost had to take one of my PRNs. So, I gave a bullshit excuse of why I couldn't go over. I want desperately to see Luke but it won't be good if I'm literally bordering mental breakdown while I'm there. So, hopefully he can agree to having a public hang out so I can see Luke.

Anyways, there's the tea, as long as I didn't forget anything. Feel free to comment or ask questions because it feels fucking amazing to get it all out. I even have ~screenshots~ of shit that happened. It's great guys. And expect updates! Because boy will there be more! All for your viewing pleasure under the tag: #the tea

#the tea

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vinbee631 · 1 year ago

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17 - Being Back Here Makes Me Hot in the Face

Prodigal Sons and Daughters Alike

Virgil woke the following day to a text message from the school’s counselor.

The text itself wasn’t inherently surprising; instead of an annoying PA system, the staff opted for text reminders for ongoing events or fire drills. They seemed to think it was a more effective way to communicate, and most of the kids agreed.

So no, the notification wasn’t out of place. What was out of place was the second text, a direct message from the guy himself to Virgil alone.

Chapter title from Hot & Heavy by Lucy Dacus. This is the longest chapter, only because I literally had no idea how to split it somewhat evenly. Anyway, here is the apology you've been waiting for!!!

Virgil woke the following day to a text message from the school’s counselor.

So no, the notification wasn’t out of place. What was out of place was the second text, a direct message from the guy himself to Virgil alone.

He tensed instantly, rubbing at his tacky eyes and tapping on Dr. Picani’s name. Below the useless drone of stuff that didn’t apply to him in the announcements, sat a much more concise, yet excruciatingly more worrisome, text.

*When you have the opportunity, please meet me in my office. You aren’t in trouble! Just have something to discuss.

The reassurance of not being in trouble did nothing to stop the nervous flutter in Virgil’s chest and the way his breaths turned frantic. He huffed, counting off to himself as he stood, attempting to calm himself down as he got dressed.

Class wouldn’t start for another hour, and Dr. Picani had messaged him just over 5 minutes ago. He didn’t necessarily have to rush through the steps he took to get ready, but, well, he was already panicking.

He grabbed his bag and hefted it over his shoulders, haphazardly brushed out the wrinkles in his shirt, and rushed out the door.

Thankfully, he didn’t run into any of his roommates in his speed; he didn’t even think he could make eye contact anymore, much less spend a second talking to them before either snapping at them or doing something mortifying, like crying.

Last night had been… Virgil had a rough night. He couldn’t call it guilt, maybe dread, but the words Remus had said to him. How innocently he’d admitted it all. It made Virgil question whether he had been too harsh, but then he would cycle back through the anger, and any regret was gone in an instant.

He’d cried himself to sleep.

Virgil was… he was furious still, but also overwhelmingly upset. Confusion and hurt and confused about being hurt, and he wasn’t sure he would ever get over having his trust broken so severely, and he wasn’t even close with any of them, they’d barely had more than one conversation each!

It was… he didn’t know how to deal with losing friends he’d barely had in the first place. But now, he had to admit, he was growing attached to them. Why else would it be so hard to let them go?

He clenched his fist as he marched down the halls, accidentally glaring at someone who happened to give him a friendly wave.

Now was not the time for extroversion.

Virgil turned the corner to the staff offices in record time, hesitating when he reached Picani’s door. He still had no idea what this was about, or why it had to be today, or how the guy even remembered he existed, but here he was. At this point, he just wanted to get this over with so he could go sulk in his room for another day. Or three.

He carefully pushed the door open, making eye contact with a smiling Picani first, and a teary-eyed Remus second.

He slammed the door and ran.

…

Remus didn’t know how to cope with living through his actual nightmare scenario.

It, of course, had started with royally fucking up any chance he had at being Virgil’s friend. He spent nearly an hour blubbering about his failure to his ever-patient brother, who just sat with him and held him until he managed to stop crying.

That was kind of pathetic, but hey, no use dwelling on it now.

The twins sat down with the rest of their roommates that night to explain what happened and figure out what to do next. Remus knew there was no way he’d be able to approach Virgil personally to apologize, and giving him a note just seemed like salt in the wound, so he was out of ideas.

And honestly, he wasn’t keen on coming up with any more ideas any time soon. Not after… everything that went so desperately wrong.

Eventually, Patton suggested they go to Dr. Picani, as Remus had done just days before.

They couldn’t go right away, though. Office hours had ended, and Janus pointed out that Virgil definitely needed time to process his feelings alone before he could listen to and possibly accept an apology.

Remus wasn’t thrilled about it, but what else was he supposed to do? He could wait until the morning to make things right.

It didn’t help that he didn’t sleep a wink.

Oh, he tried, did his nightly stretches that he normally forgot to do, got up and went for a short walk to burn off some nervous energy, and lost count at 1,470-something sheep. Nothing worked.

Inevitably, he resigned himself to the sleeplessness, carefully exiting his room once more to brood in the living room.

He flopped onto the couch with a quiet huff, wincing at the creak in the springs. He wasn’t used to this, to feeling so hopeless. He didn’t run out of ideas, and his plans never failed in ways that were so completely irreversible.

Nothing was ever this… hopeless.

He just didn’t get it! He’d done all he could think to prove to Virgil that he could trust him, could open up to him, could spend time with him free of judgment. But his lack of trust ran so deep that nothing stuck.

Remus wanted to find whoever had broken Virgil’s trust and break them over his knee like a glowstick.

Ugh, no, getting off track, breaking spines was not going to solve any of his current problems, unfortunately. What he needed to do was figure out how he was going to apologize. Properly, and without the expectation that Virgil had to forgive him.

He knew exactly what he needed to say, the points he truly needed to get across, but he was so much better at premeditating and writing his thoughts down than coming up with something to talk about, in person, without any proofreading or second drafts.

Virgil deserved his best. So, he started writing.

This would be perfect, the best… what was it his public speaking teacher had called them? Extemporaneous speeches? No, those had papers… whatever, he was gonna memorize this shit in less than six hours and impress the hell out of her anyway.

That wasn’t the point, anyway, his public speaking teacher didn’t matter anymore. What mattered was Virgil, and making sure he knew Remus never meant to hurt him, and that he could be mad forever if he wanted, but Remus was sorry anyway.

It was only when the others began to rouse and found him pacing in the living room, reading over the harshly annotated paper in his hands, that Remus realized he spent all night on it.

Roman sighed, opening his arms for his brother when he spotted the nervous tic.

They sat for a bit, Roman flicking him genly on the forehead when he admitted to being up all night.

“I just…” Remus started lamely, “it’s gotta be perfect. For him. The one thing I haven’t… completely fucked up, I guess.”

Roman sighed. “I don’t think you need to worry about it being perfect, Ree. The fact you’re apologizing in the first place makes it perfect, yeah? Let’s just worry about him showing up first. Okay?”

Remus couldn’t really disagree with that, he supposed.

“Okay.”

The five set off for Dr. Picani’s office, arriving just as it opened, though thankfully, not as the counselor was arriving himself.

“Well. Good morning, boys. Why don’t you come in?” The five filed in after him, settling next to each other in the chairs scattered around the room, positioning themselves to surround Remus in support.

After a breath, Remus, for the second time in less than 24 hours, explained everything.

He started from the beginning this time, with the notes, how they set him up for failure. Virgil was so hesitant and so scared and Remus ached to help in any way he could.

Then, he fucked it up. And again. And again.

Dr. Picani (“Emile,” he insisted, “you really can just call me Emile”) tried to insist that it wasn’t his fault, but Remus didn’t care. It might not be inherently his fault, but that didn’t fix the hurt he caused.

“So now,” he admitted, “I need help fixing it. Or, at least, doing something more to help him than just making him uncomfortable.”

The counselor sighed. “Well, there’s not much I can do, in terms of speaking with him. I can’t imagine he would trust me any more than the five of you. However, I could try to get him to meet us here, and I can host a healthier, supervised conversation. I can’t force him to stay, but I can help him to try.”

A moment later, the boys hovered anxiously as they waited for Virgil to read the text and come greet them.

That anxiety turned into something much more bitter when he slammed the door on them.

“I’ll go talk to him. Alone, at first,” Dr. Picani reasoned as the boys jumped up to try and find him. “If he doesn’t agree, then we can’t force him to talk. Just remember that as long as you still care about him, this isn’t a lost cause. I’ll be back.”

With a bit of direction from a few concerned and observant students, Emile worked his way to the bathroom Virgil was hiding in.

“Hey,” he called quietly, sitting down by the only locked stall in the room. “Virgil? Is it alright if I talk to you for a moment?”

“Can’t stop you,” Virgil huffed through a shake in his voice.

“You can,” he gently insisted. “If you’re not comfortable, I will leave. Okay? No questions asked.”

Virgil scoffed again, but didn’t say anything else. Emile took that as a sign to keep going.

“Now, I want to apologize for what happened earlier. I can imagine it was quite overwhelming for you, and I didn’t exactly think through what that might look like if you didn’t know what was going on.”

He heard a short rustle of fabric, then a frustrated sigh. “‘S fine.”

“Clearly, it’s not. And it’s okay that it’s not, Virgil. I’m not here to make you uncomfortable, and neither are any of your roommates. They came to me this morning because they were worried about you and wanted to apologize.”

“I don’t… no, they don’t,” Virgil whispered.

“I promise, they do. You do not have to accept it, nor do you have to talk to them today, but… well, they were concerned enough about the situation that they came to me. Remus, especially. However, they also informed me they didn’t want to rush into apologizing to you. You should be able to take all the time you need to decide if you accept it or not.”

“They don’t care,” Virgil sniffed. “You’re lying. He… it’s all this… big, elaborate- trick. They won’t leave me alone… Leading me on so I… I trusted them, and he… I hate him, I think. For… for tricking me.

“None of them, wanted to spend time…they all just- convinced me… made me like them. And then… revealed it all, it was fake. Remus… he planned it all, it was fake!”

“I know it seems that way,” Emile soothed, shuffling closer to the door so he could lean against it. “Is therea reason you think they would? To me, that seems a waste of time, to put in the effort to find ways to show they care enough to seek out time with you, just to betray you in the end. But, it’s not my experience, it’s yours.”

“Because they… it’s like- bullying. It’s funny… to see someone- someone with no friends… attach, so easily. I think. I wouldn’t know, that’s… it’s fucked up,” Virgil insisted.

“Has Remus done something, in particular, to make it seem like his plans were supposed to hurt you?” He continued.

“I don’t… he… it’s everything! The whole thing! He… invited me to stuff I wasn’t comfortable with, then didn’t care when I said no, and just- asked about other stuff, I guess. Then… he couldn’t- I wouldn’t talk to him, so he got other people to do it for him! He tricked them into talking to me so I’d let my stupid guard down and he could do the same thing all over again!”

“Have you considered,” Emile started carefully, “that he kept asking questions because he wanted to get to know you? And, after seeing that it made you uncomfortable, he changed his approach to avoid making you more uncomfortable?”

“No,” he grunted, “because that’s wrong. That doesn’t make any sense. Why would he… why would they waste their time… trying to be friends with me? That doesn’t… they have plenty of other people that… actually care. About them,” he explained weakly.

“Then, why would they waste their time trying to pester that same person, if he didn’t care about them?” Emile countered.

Virgil didn’t respond for a while.

“I don’t get it,” he mumbled. “Why… if they care, which- dubious, at best. But… why would they… care about- me? It doesn’t… I’ve given them nothing. They get nothing from being around me.”

“I don’t think it has escaped your notice that your roommates, Remus in particular, are quite friendly. What they have to gain is a friend. That is what they ‘get’ when they are with you, they get a friend whom they enjoy being around and talking to.”

“I’m not… used to that,” he admitted. “No one’s ever… I don’t- have, friends. They don’t… people don’t- tend to stick around. So… why would they be the ones to… not do that?”

“I’m sorry to hear that, and I cannot answer that for sure. Trusting people is a vulnerable action, and it isn’t easy, especially if it hasn’t worked out in the past. However, it couldn’t hurt to listen to their apology and hear their reasoning, if you’re up for it. I’m sure they’d give you time to decide if you’re still willing to trust them or not if you asked for it.”

Virgil sat on that for a moment, then gave a decisive huff and stood. He quietly clicked the door open, and it swung in to reveal his tear-stained face. “Okay, I’ll talk to them. I better not regret it.”

“Okay,” he breathed, glancing up from his spot on the floor. “That’s great, Virgil. Do you need a minute?”

He shook his head, offering a hand to his teacher, allowing him to stand with only one of his knees cracking in the process. Nice.

“No, I should… I need to hear this from them. Before I… yeah. Let’s go.”

As the boy led the way back to the counselor's office, Emile couldn’t help but indulge in a little smile along the way.

There was hope for these boys yet.

…

Remus jumped from his seat the second Picani came back. Except, he wasn’t alone this time.

He tensed a little, running over the apology in his head once more. It had to be perfect, he needed to make things right. Not for his own sake: he needed Virgil to understand that he cared, that he never meant for things to go so wrong.

Before he could open his mouth to express that, however, Emile cut him off.

“So, before anyone starts, I guess I have some ground rules. As cathartic as it may be for you boys, I can’t sit here and allow you to scream at each other. I think you should lead the conversation on your own, and I trust you, but I will step in if things get too out of hand, understood?”

The boys nodded. “And, are you all staying for this part?”

Remus nodded. “Um… I’d be a bit more comfortable if everyone stayed. But, they don’t have to.” He turned to Virgil expectantly.

“That’s… okay. Not gonna say I love it, but… that’s cool,” he eventually decided.

“Alright, sounds good. I’m here if you need me, okay?”

The boys nodded, and Remus jumped at the chance before he lost it.

“I’m so sorry! I… I already said that, and it’s hard to make it meaningful when I did and said things that very blatantly made you uncomfortable. I never wanted that, ever. You’re so… I… I really care about you, Virgil, even if you couldn’t give two shits about me.”

Virgil frowned at his feet. “Not gonna lie, I’m still kinda pissed. I just don’t… you spent so much time. With… with the notes, and- and the… I’m sure the- the planning took… y’know, a while. I just don’t… understand, why?”

“I did it because I want to be your friend,” Remus answered honestly, matching what Picani had just reassured him of earlier.

Huh.

“You… we talked about you, the week leading up to when school started,” Remus continued. “We wer so… I was so curious. I wanted so badly for you to gel with the rest of us right away, but you didn’t, and I wanted to know why. I just… you seemed like you needed a friend, and you seemed cool. Should I have more justification than that?”

“So you pestered me endlessly for weeks?”

“...Basically, yeah. I’m not saying I’m proud of all of it, or that it was even a good idea. Honestly, at first, I thought you might be just- putting on a show of being uninterested, or like… I dunno, that being contrary was just- part of becoming your friend, so yeah, I made some big mistakes. But then, I- tried to find a way to fix that, to still get to know you without making you uncomfortable. And… well…”

“...I guess, that checks, but you could’ve just- told me that. Would’ve probably been easier that an elaborate scheme,” Virgil pointed out.

“I tried! I tried straight-up talking to you, and you either yelled at me or clammed up, and you looked so… scared. I couldn’t do that again. I couldn’t… I didn’t really know what to do, and leaving you alone seemed like… like I was giving up on someone that needed me.”

“I didn’t need…I’m here for school, not- not friends. I don’t actually care that much, I’m not- lonely, or whatever you seem to think.”

“Just because you don’t care doesn’t mean that I don’t,” Remus groused, wincing as the words came out of his mouth. “Er, sorry, but my point still stands. I mean, obviously, if you want me to leave you the fuck alone, I will. But… wouldn’t it be a little more fun, at least, to have something to do other than be married to school?”

“I… I don’t know. I’ve never…” Virgil trailed off, not sure how to address that particular fact of his life.

“Look, if you want me to not bother anymore, I will. But I promise, I was never trying to make you uncomfortable with the notes. I wasn’t leading you on in a friend way, and neither were any of the others. We all just… we like you, Virgil. You’re- you’re pretty cool.”

“...You promise?”

“Yes, definitely, Virgil. I promise.”

“...Well then… I guess, it wouldn’t be the worst thing, to- have friends.”

Remus jumped up and down in a circle, clapping his hands like Virgil had just performed something, for god’s sake.

“Yes! That’s great! I’m- yeah, really happy about that, can I hug you now?” Remus blurted.

“I…” Virgil expected to be more uncomfortable with the prospect, but actually being asked instead of forced… well.

Who was he to say no?

“Um, just- a quick one? Sure?”

Remus practically screeched, throwing himself forward to wrap his arms tightly around Virgil’s waist. He found the added pressure wasn’t actually as uncomfortable as he worried it would be.

It was actually… kinda nice, he guessed.

And then, he realized the prickly sensation of someone staring at him. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the others, expressions in various degrees of pleased (Logan) and overjoyed (Patton).

“Oh, come on, we all know you’re thinking about it,” Virgil grumbled, shifting slightly to wave them over. “Might as well get the sappy shit done now.”

Patton was first, obviously, but the others followed suit, cuddling up to surround Virgil in, what was probably a ridiculous-looking group hug.

“You guys do know this is an incredibly annoying and cheesy way to end this whole thing, right?” Janus pointed out.

“And yet, you’re still huggin’!” Remus rebutted with a smile, clinging to Virgil just a bit tighter.

“...Okay, fine, you got me there, enjoy your sitcom moment, then.”

The others chuckled, and okay, Virgil thought that maybe, this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

#sanders sides fanfiction #tss storytime 2023 #cw cursing #virgil sanders #remus sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #janus sanders #emile picani #finale!!!

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pshbites · 2 months ago

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HELLOOOOO FREN, now that i’m all caught up w love on air i js had to tell you how much i throughly enjoyed reading all of it (if u alrdy couldn’t tell by my constant screaming in the comments lmfaoooo), like i srsly couldn’t look away from my phone for a SECOND 😭😭 i cried, laughed, screamed, did a couple laps around my room, literally every roller coaster of emotion you could think of. but omg ur writing is impeccable kaia, you are truly talented and SO funny like when i tell u i was dying laughing at jake’s annoying silly ass dhdhdhjs. i will be sat for every single one of ur updates, idk what u laced in that smau but i’m addicted bestie >.<

#YNHOON4LYFE 🗣️🗣️‼️‼️

i just woke up to like 100 blr notifs 😭😭 but it’s mostly you and some other things so it’s okay

HAOFNDSNS i’m gonna be real i had no idea that the smau was THAT good. but i cannot believe you went thru that many emotions like fohsxhsjd im so glad u loved it and my writing, LOVE UUUU MARS 💗💗💗

when i tell jake is a self insert i mean it like i quite literally just think “how would i react if i was there” AND BOOM!!!

#YNHOON4EVAA!!!!! i hope you’ll like the next couple updates ^^!

#kaia rantz 💌#pshbites: love on air #moots 💟#might’ve sobbed when i read this #like ur so kind mars ily so so so so much MWAH

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jujitto · 11 months ago

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pls pls don't ever discredit or think your writing isn't as good as Shakespeare learning how to write literally need to learn myself

nd ur writing for 4 -5 years dammm that's a really long time nd i appreciated your dedication for still writing it nd becoming better at it

no literally u cried after writing 😞😞😞 story so goodhat it made u also cry 😞😞😞

ur so niceeeee nd u hurt me reminded me of memories buried deep 😞😞

🥺 This warmed my heart. I just woke up so this is the first thing I’m reading/seeing today besides all the notifications. This is literally so sweet. Thank you so much for this!

I’ll try not to discredit myself but I feel like I still need to work on my writing more because sometimes I take breaks from writing any stories and somehow I feel like I get worse when I’m taking a break because I can’t always focus on writing even though I’m really not that busy yet.

But thank you anyway for this. I’ll keep up the good work, and hopefully write more stories for you and other people who read them to enjoy in the upcoming months.

#hoondiors! ☺️❤️#i needed this 🥺#💬 ─ 𝗆𝖺𝗇𝗂 𝖺𝗇𝗌𝗐𝖾𝗋𝗌 !

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aberooski · 1 year ago

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i see you blasting tied together with a smile this is an intervention i’m sitting you down and not letting you go until you realize how much you are loved and appreciated (/hj… or ami)

BUT IT'S MY FAVORITE SONG IN HER WHOLE DISCOGRAPHY I'M SORRY I COULDN'T HELP IT 😭😭😭😭

And if that's the case, shit man, we're gonna be here for a while 😅

But no yeah, in all seriousness I appreciate the reminder 💕 I really do relate to TTWAS more that I'd care to, but also it's just my favorite song independently of that. Like when she played is as a surprise song like 2 months after the show I went to I woke up the morning after to the notification and I actually cried.. like I was legitimately devastated.

And while we're on the subject I'm very surprised it just barely missed my top 5 songs of the year at literally number 6 aksksks

#for real though thanks for yelling at me about this same shit over and over again #I know I'll grasp the concept one of these days 💚#if my wrapped is any indication it's been a rough year for the mental health #but I'm trying 💕#taylor swift #tied together with a smile #aberooski asks #abby's insomnia thoughts

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taejvu · 6 years ago

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reblog and put in the tags your sign + which bts mv is the most memorable to you

#like mine was spring day #i literally woke up to the notif and cried the entire time i watched it #idk im just curious #linds.txt #bts

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hornime · 4 years ago

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home workout | bokuto koutarou x gn!reader

“i’d let you do- do anything. anything you wan’ to me. i’m yours. all- all,” his voice raised a few octaves as the inside of your thighs brushed past his cockhead, “yours. all yours.”

warnings: 18+, sub!bokuto, jealous!reader (i mean who wouldn’t be when bokuto, your goddamn boyfriend, is perceived by other people the fuck), also lowkey possessive!reader, lotsa licking and sucking, nipple play, some praise (from reader) and some begging, brief mention of dacryphilia, kinda soft at the end

w/c: 1.5k sheesh

a/n: bokuto brainrot has me in literal tears. him being completely clueless to people flirting w him cus he doesn’t recognize romance from anyone but you has me so soft. i luv this man w my whole heart !!!!! ALSO THANKS FOR ALL THE LOVE ON THE BAKUGO FIC I JUST ABOUT SHIT MY PANTS WOOWWOWO

you weren’t an idiot. you knew that your boyfriend was attractive in literally every aspect of the word. he was sweet, patient, and kind, and what he lacked in academic smarts was made up tenfold in his emotional maturity and ability to read people. big and beefy, bokuto was all yours and all you wanted to stay trapped within his arms forever. unfortunately, to maintain the figure you adored so much and stay in shape for the volleyball season, he had to leave the four walls of your shared bedroom far more than you liked, having a daily obligation to spend a few hours at the gym.

once again, you weren’t an idiot. the few times that your work schedule and his training schedule aligned, you’d been able to work out together. and despite your knowledge of just how good-looking bokuto was and the fact that other people could perceive him (much to your chagrin) you were shocked at just how much people shamelessly flirted with him.

cute girls with matching leggings and sports bras practically clung to his biceps, gushing about how strong he was and how he could probably pick them up with just one hand. their incessant giggling, mesmerizing hair twirling, and teasing touches pissed you off to no end, and you’d tug your boyfriend away before their breasts got too close to him for your liking.

something else you noticed was that, no matter how blatantly obvious the girls seemed to be, the guys were somehow worse, flirting through terms you couldn’t even understand. they compared deadlift weights, bicep curls, hip thrusts; you gritted your teeth thinking about whether they’d ever compared cock sizes in the locker room—you wouldn’t put it past those thirsty gym rats. sneaky bastards.

and bokuto, of course, was oblivious to it all. how could you blame him—he was so used to being adored! you knew that, to him, all of their praises paled in comparison to yours, but you couldn’t help but feel jealous. he was all yours—should be all yours—and you hated sharing him with the world.

you woke up saturday morning with a ringing in your ears, hand smacking the nightstand trying to turn off that god-awful alarm noise, bleary eyes barely able to focus on the text notification from your boyfriend.

[5:33 AM] kou: gm babe!!!! i didnt wanna wake u up cus u looked so peaceful! im heading to the gym rn. text me when ur up! love uu

[5:34 AM] kou: should be home around 9!! gym bud wants to show me something so i might be a little late for breakfast.

just to reiterate, you weren’t an idiot. for all the annoying flirting you noticed when you were with bokuto, there was no doubt in your mind that there must be a lot more when he was at the gym alone, which, unluckily for you, was most of the time since he was a freakin’ pro athlete and all.

you couldn’t prevent the pool of envy from swirling in your gut. gym bud? are you serious? who could that be? the girl with the arm tat or the dude with the dreads? no, maybe its that yoga instructor with the ass—

you shook your head, clearing your brain. you’d be here for hours if you went through everyone at that stupid gym that had ever shown interest in bokuto. the clock read 9:53 AM and the green flame in your body only burned brighter. just as you were about to call him and ask where he was, the front door slammed open.

“babe! i’m home!”

you silently put your phone down, teeth still clenching in jealousy. for some reason, hearing his voice only exacerbated the tension in your shoulders. you needed him. now.

“babe?” his voice creeped closer as he tread through the hallway towards the room. “you up?”

you peeked your head out of the doorframe, cheery voice masking your devilish intentions, “kou!"

his eyes brightened as he made eye contact with you and flashed his trademark smile. “hey! what’s u-” he took in the mischievous glint in your eyes “-p?”

you grabbed his burly forearm, yanking him behind you and walking towards him, forcing him to stumble and fall back on the bed. “wait! i’m all gross and sweaty,” he said, “gym showers were broke-”

“i don’t care. take off your shirt.”

“wow, someone’s eager. missed me that much?”

“watch it,” you glared. “i’m not in the mood, kou.”

he gulped at the dominance radiating from your voice, scrambling to take off the t-shirt that stretched between his pecs perfectly. with the fabric off and throw haphazardly to the side, he looked to you expectantly, the epitome of innocence.

your eyes wandered over his sculpted chest, the remnants of a soft sheen of sweat from his workout making it shine in the sunlight pouring through the blinds. your heart stuttered in your chest—he looked like an angel. coupled with the way with his bottom lip was tucked under his front teeth and the wide, anticipating look in his eyes, fuck. you almost smiled how blessed you felt in that moment, to see him in such a raw, alluring position, before a jarring thought caused your lips to twitch back into a frown.

everyone else can see him, too.

your eyes hardened. maybe they can see him all big and strong, you thought, but they’ll never get to see him like this: submissive.

and so fucking sensitive.

within an instant, your lips were latched on the soft spot above his collarbone, causing him to whimper in pleasure. you continued to travel along his throat, slowly working your way to the other side of his neck and crossing back to nibble at his adam’s apple.

you unexpectedly pulled away, drawing a short whine from him, before repositioning yourself so that you were straddling his outstretched legs. slowly, starting from the hem of his shorts, you dragged your tongue between the ridges of his abs, moving up towards his pecs, tasting the saltiness of his sweat and feeling the muscles tense underneath.

“fuck,” he groaned. as your lips puckered around one of his peaked nipples, he uncontrollably jerked his hips up, inadvertently rubbing his sensitive cock between your legs. overwhelmed by the sensation, he moaned. “fuck.”

“you taste good,” you muttered, grazing your teeth over his other nipple. “just wanna taste you all the time. you’d let me, right?”

thoughts muddled by just how good everything felt, he nodded mindlessly. “i’d let you do- do anything. anything you wan’ to me. i’m yours. all- all,” his voice raised a few octaves as the inside of your thighs brushed past his cockhead, “yours. all yours.”

you paused. raising your head from his chest, you made eye contact with him, so intense he almost closed his eyes to shield himself from the blaze burning in your dilated pupils. “why’d you stop,” he begged, “i want more. feels so good and i wan’ mor-”

“say it again,” you demanded. “tell me that you’re mine.”

his eyes, glossed over and prickled with tears precariously close to falling, squeezed tightly as he spoke, unable to control the growing volume of his voice. “’m all yours. always. all yo- yours.” he gasped as you resumed your movements, pinching the sensitive skin around his v-line while fervently leaving sloppy kisses on his chest.

“good boy.”

he keened at your praise. another light touch to his cock combined with the passage of your mouth had him trembling, and his breath hitched as he cried out in warning, tears now flowing freely over his flushed cheeks. “m’ gonna cum, ‘m gonna, gonna cum.”

“yeah?” you whispered, lips brushing against his strained abs. “go ahead then.”

“fuck!” he whined, blabbering as you sat back and watched in awe of the beauty before you, a big strong man like him reduced to nothing more than a moaning mess. “fuck, fuck—you always make me feel so, s-so go-od, fuck i love you.”

with soaked shorts and an exhausted sigh, he dropped his head back onto the plush comforter of the bed. you flattened your palms on his quivering body, reeling from the aftershocks of his orgasm. he panted, running his fingers through your hair before nudging your face to look at him, staring at you with an expression of pure bliss and adoration. he studied you for a bit before declaring with a soft smile, “you’re the best. so fuckin’ happy that i’m yours.”

driven by affection, he sat up and reached his arms around your waist, snuggling his chin over your shoulder and mashing your chests, yours clothed and his naked, together. “kou wait!” you shrieked. “you’re all sweaty again! it’s gross!”

he chuckled. as if you hadn’t been spoiling him by licking it up just a few minutes ago. “you’re right. i‘m probably sweating more now than i was after my workout.”

at that, your ears perked up. “well maybe you should do home workouts more often then,” you teased.

“you’re right,” he repeated with a grin, “maybe i should.” if it meant more mornings like these, he’d forego the gym in a heartbeat.

that night, he canceled his gym membership. after all, he reasoned, it’s offseason anyway.

#i jus wanna lick him clean #sue me #kinky.inky #haikyuu smut #hq smut #haikyuu bokuto #bokuto smut #bokuto x reader #koutarou x reader #bokuto

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nojey · 4 years ago

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reminiscing (fans 2)

dreamwastaken x streamer!reader

genre: angst pronouns: they / them word count: 2.1k warning(s): failed relationship, cursing

fans (part 1)

synopsis: after taking 6 months off from social media, you finally explain to your fans why you took so long and why you needed it.

go live. *click*

you watched as your chat strolled in and viewer count go up. your computer screen illuminating your face in the dark room as your webcam caught the nervous look. you were shaking your leg up and down, a habit you caught whenever you tried to calm yourself down.

“hi everyone, it’s been a while since my last stream, huh?” you dryly chuckled. “it’s been about.. 6 months since i last streamed and at this point i think i’ve taken enough time to correctly word how i’m going to tell everyone why i decided to take a break from streaming.” you said looking down at the ground and fiddling with your fingers.

“uh, donation notifications will be off for this stream and chat will be on emotes only because i really just want to focus on getting this out. but if you plan on donating, thank you so much, really, it means the world to me.” you said finally looking at your webcam and smiling a bit. you read a chat and answer, “yes, i’m doing okay. i just have a big announcement i want to say after i tell you guys why i took a break.”

you took a deep breath in and started. “ over a year ago, almost 2, i met this guy through a friend and we started talking. it was very little at the beginning but as little as it was, his texts always made me smile.” you scratched the back of your neck. “and as time went on, we started talking more and more and he just became part of my daily routine. when i woke up i’d see a good morning text from him, we’d spend most of our day being on the phone with each other, i was even on facetime with him most of my streams but i had an airpod under my headset so you couldn’t really see it, i almost always fell asleep on facetime with him. i really fell for this guy.” you fondly smiled, looking at your desk, where your phone used to be propped up and you would see clays face just looking at you.

“then we started streaming together. ‘omg he’s a streamer too’ yeah, and a lot of you probably know who i’m talking about at this point but i still won’t disclose who it is. i uh, got a lot of messages from you guys telling me that i looked super happy that stream and i was. i was always happy when i talked to him. but along with those messages i also got a lot of hate, telling me to stay away from him. it didn’t really bother me because i always get hate when i stream with my guy friends; i was used to it.” you said, taking a sip from your water then wiping the side of your eye as it teared up.

“and today... i’ll be going on the dream smp! with the man himself, dream. dream, say hi now.” you introduced, you waited a few seconds but was only met with silence. you grabbed your phone and sent him a voice message, “clay! you’re on deafen! introduce yourself!” you screamed into your phone. dream then took himself off deafen and said. “hi (y/s/n)’s chat! i’m dream, i’ll be showing (y/n) around the smp today and we’re gonna get started on their house.” you smiled fondly when you heard him speak. “yeah! what dream said!”

so you both logged into the dream smp, said hi to sapnap, and dream gave you a tour. you then started building your house in a forest, quite far from everyone else, “i don’t want anyone bothering you or ruining your house when you’re not on.” he explained. you told dream you wanted to build a cottage so if anyone does end up stumbling upon it, it looks welcoming to them. so dream started building your house for you even though you insisted you do it together. “dream! let me help, this is supposed to be my house.” you dragged. “well we can both decorate inside and make it our house.” you started blushing. “i guess..” you mumbled. you then started adventuring out to look for flowers and some things to decorate the house with.

you started placing flowers down into flower pots when you noticed something. “dream there’s only one bedroom.” you mentioned. he slowly turned around to look at you and quickly turned back and placed two beds next to each other. “this is our room, dumbass.”

later that night you checked your twitter dms and saw many people telling you to stop talking to dream and that you weren’t good enough to even know him. you sighed and powered down your phone.

“i think a few weeks after that he asked me if i could fly out to him and we’d meet in person. i was so excited i immediately started packing and i met him. it was amazing! i got to meet the guy i’ve been in love with for the past few months. i think it may have been a year already. but yeah, i finally got to meet him and being in his arms was the best feeling in the world, i felt so safe being with him.”

“it was the day after that, when he asked me on a date and i, of course, said yes. like who would say no to the person they fell in love with... so we went on a date and at the end of it we were just sitting on top of the hood of the car, eating dinner, watching the sunset and talking about a future we wanted together. and it may seem like we were moving fast but i knew 7 months into talking to him that he felt the same way about me. no matter if either of us disclosed it. i could tell and i knew he knew the same about me. then i went home and everything was perfect, i wasn’t his girlfriend yet though because we wanted to wait a bit.”

“that’s when everything went downhill, i think” you looked up to try to stop the tears from going down your face, but they fell anyways so you just let it be.

“we started streaming more and more and i started getting more hate than i usually got, this time getting death threats, people threatening to leak my address if i didn’t stop being friends with him. it was crazy but i was willing to endure it all for him. who cares what people on the internet are going to say to me? i really didn’t because i was happy enough with him that, that happiness overcame whatever type of hate i was getting.” tears kept falling from your eyes but you didn’t bother to wipe it, knowing it would just keep happening.

“dude you’re so annoying! you definitely cheated!” you screamed as you died. through your headset you could hear clay wheezing. “there was no way i was cheating!” he said through his laughs. “ask my chat, they saw the whole thing.” you breathed out, not wanting to believe him till a dono was sent to you, “yeah, (y/n) you just suck at this game,” you gasped, your jaw hanging then you started pouting. it was clipped and one of your viewers sent it to dream. he suddenly started laughing harder and you asked him why he was laughing, with a pout still on your face. “even your chat knows i didn’t cheat!” you started laughing too, till you read a message in the chat saying, “ew, their laugh is ugly. i don’t know why dream likes them.” you stopped laughing but kept a fake smile on your face.

“then he called me and he told me that he didn’t think we should be dating anymore, or even be friends. and i think it was because he saw the hate i was getting and he didn’t like that. he told me a different reason as to why he didn’t think we should date anymore but i didn’t believe it, but i let him go. because i was not going to force him to be with me if he really did mean it. “ you said, sniffling after so you didn’t sound too congested as you spoke.

after you hung up, you curled into a ball and cried. you cried, and cried, and cried. the feeling in your chest hurting more than you could ever imagine. you just lost the guy you wanted to marry, the guy you had spent over a year going to because of your problems, the guys you saw having kids with, the guy that made everything worth it. he was the only person on your mind as the pain in your chest grew. you tweeted and powered your phone off straight after. you didn’t want anyone messaging you asking what was wrong, knowing your friends they would do that.

“so the reason i took a break from streaming was because of that. because i resented the people that sent me hate so much i couldn’t bring myself to stream. i didn’t resent them because they sent me hate. i resent them because the hate they sent me caused the guy i really wanted to be with to make me believe he didn’t love me like i love him.” now, you were sobbing, letting your cry’s out because you had been holding them in for too long.

it had been a few months and you were on snapchat, seeing that you had a memory a year ago today, you checked it. “i think i literally met my soulmate.” with a picture of you and clay in a discord call. your breath got caught in your throat and your breathing became labored. your eyes started stinging as the tears started falling. it’s happening again, all the pain from the day you stopped talking to him came back and once again, you were crying into your hands and you couldn’t stop.

“i had always known that becoming a streamer i would get hate, but i never thought that i would get enough hate to prevent a relationship i really wanted to work. now all i do is reminisce of a guy i wish could be mine”

“streaming has brought me so many opportunities and i am so grateful for everything you guys have done for me, and for me to be able to do something i love and make money from it is insane to me. you guys have given me everything i ever wanted in life up until that point and i am so grateful and appreciative of that. you guys gave me friendships that i will never lose and never forget. so many of you have told me that i’ve saved you and changed your lives but trust me when i say you guys have saved me and changed my life too. i hope i repaid you back by making you smile, being your comfort streamer, and being a support system for each of you. but i think this is my end of the road. i fucking love streaming, i love you guys. but every time i click that “go live” button or even try to, all i think about is him and that’s too painful for me right now. maybe in the future i’ll find my way back here but i can’t promise that.”

“thank you guys, so, so, so, so, much for every single opportunity given to me, for everything. i love you all. my dms are still open. and this was (y/s/n), signing off for possibly the last time. goodbye everyone.”

end stream. *click*

a tear rolling down his face and falling onto his keyboard as he watched you finally say goodbye to your stream. it all just felt like you were saying your last goodbye to him again.

for the last 6 months all clay could do was think about you and how he wished he just messaged you and told you he was sorry and didn’t mean what he said. that he misses you and he would quit streaming if that meant he could be with you. that all he wanted was to feel you in his arms again and just live out the future you two planned together.

but if you just said goodbye to your chat for your last stream because you couldn’t stand the thought of him whenever you tried to stream. how could you ever forgive him?

the thought of never speaking to you hit him once more and again, he cried, sobbed, screamed, threw things, and even then, he knew.. you would never be coming back to him, with every fiber in his being, wishing you would.

—————

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