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m1ckeyb3rry · 4 months ago

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LMAOO im also chronically online this is a safe space for the chronically online dw (i also respond at chronically online speeds sooo) but FR THE UNHOLY TRINITY LMAOO if we add Raichi it’s the four horsemen of the apocalypse (bro has never played anything other than defense though and we like. NEVER see him touch the ball basically so uh sorry bro no sexy soccer time yet)

Honestly I don’t know why more people can’t just let people exist?? Like fr just leave them alone and live your life why make it so miserable for everyone sheesh…also please those twelve year olds on tiktok can’t even tie their shoe laces nor should they be on tiktok learning “potty mouth phrases” LMAO I think they need a reality check DESPERATELY

Never apologize for writing too much Karasu.

But LMAOO OK IM GLAD HAHA so real for that I can’t do what Reo or Barou do for him like I will not be the Anri to your Ego!!! Please put your socks in the laundry!!!! But this isn’t irl so he’ll still be a squishy bear to me

LMAO REALLL side character supremacy >>> Honestly I didn’t hate the animation either although I did notice some funky scenes it wasn’t nearly as bad as everyone made it seem…I’m glad to hear that they’re putting their eightbitussy into it though

He’s so captain it’s literally insane (quick we gotta talk more about this and manifest Karasu captain for u20 World Cup) Aiku honestly a good option too (I wanna see my man in action though) if it’s Isagi I’ll lowk riot

BESIDES AN EROTIC LEFT LEG GOODBYE that made me snort as I read this

I LOVE READING THE REFERENCES LMAOOO if they fit into the story keep them coming!!! (KARASU DROWNING SHDGSHSH IM NOT READY)

Ok yeah I also kinda ballparked that amount in my mind LMAO I forgot to mention this more in my last response but the ON SALE THING >>>> I laughed it was so goofy too like she caught him red handed THE NEXT DAY like bro those were NOT on sale…$50 for advice boy you’re not slick

Chefs kiss mc written wonderfully WITHOUT the typical overly used cliches as much as I love a stupid mc sometimes it’s quite an overused trope I feel where it’s the teehee dummy reader so again, this was refreshing LOL (I always love how you give your y/ns substance as characters and like humans..?? Like they all feel like actual people and aren’t your just your average w*ttp*d UwU MCs…I mean writers have to start somewhere so maybe I should stop bashing them like this but uh)

Honestly it’s such an interesting language which is why it takes me a bit to translate/transcribe sometimes because I can’t capture the underlying meanings or emotions as well in English LMAOO (the first time I tried was the hiori light novel and finding the correct phrasing was definitely a learning curve LOL) but omg slay you’re outperforming people living in the motherland!! That’s honestly really impressive, do you get to speak it frequently?

Snuffy’s backstory is actually so sad I can’t :(( also the SONG CHOICE??? Bye. But this is why I can’t even say “no one dies in soccer anymore” man

NO FR you know it’s bad when I’m impressed by a healthy family in bllk shdshhs HAHA FAIR TRADE INDEED o7 I have chapter 2 ready it was longer than I expected but I sped up the process using dictation as I read it LMAOAO so again if you catch any typos or weird punctuation lmk LOL (when I tell you I almost died dictating this I LAUGHED and reacted like omfg and it caught me saying that and wrote it down but ANGWAYS I’m not sure anything is beating this chapter) I know I said summary earlier but I don’t think I’m capable of doing that LMAOA so this is basically just the entire chapter I just reformatted it in a kinda summary like format because I don’t wanna keep pausing to type so many quotation marks HAHAHA anyways enjoy! I’ll come back to discuss after you read it so I don’t spoil anything yet hehe

Signing off early so it doesn’t weirdly attach to the end of the LN section LOL

-Karasu anon

2-Honor Student:

In elementary school, Kenyu was an honor student. Although he was a little cowardly, he was first and foremost, a kind, hard-working kid. he always did his homework and happily greeted everyone. Got along well with his peers and never fought. He was someone that both his classmates and teachers could rely on. When it was time to choose class president, Tomoda nominated him, and everyone joined in agreeing to nominating Kenyu. But after half a year, something shocking had occurred.

Little by little Kenyu had become better friends with his seatmate Tomoda, frequently going to his house after school. Tomoda had a kind sister three years their senior. She would often give them candy and play games with them. One day, Kenyu had gone over to play with Tomoda, to be told by his older sister that he hadn’t gotten home yet and was possibly taking a detour. She told Kenyu to go ahead and wait upstairs for him, but he wondered if maybe he was meeting with other friends in the park. He wondered if he too should go to the park, but it’d be troublesome if he had assumed incorrectly. While he was lost in his thoughts, Tomoda’s sister suddenly came up to him and brushed away his bangs. His hair had always been soft, and his mom had always helped him style it, so the Tomoda’s sister had always complemented him, saying his hair made him look so handsome like a model. It wasn’t unusual for her to touch his hair, but that wasn’t all that happened that day. In addition, she kissed his forehead. His eyes widened as his brain was left short-circuiting. “Huh?”

“My beloved Kenyu, let’s play together” she had said with sparkling eyes. Kenyu could feel his heart racing. “…I’ve gotta go to the park..!” His face turned bright red and he ran out. He didn’t end up, going to the park, but instead of ran back home to his room, waiting for his racing heart to still.

“My beloved Kenyu” He had repeated her words in his mind. he didn’t really understand it all, but he was happy that she said she liked him. He was a bit embarrassed, though that she had kissed him. He thought himself, “I’m never telling anyone about this.”

The handsome class president and honor student. By the time he became a second year, he had grown taller, adding to his versatility in giving him athletic potential. as he continued growing, he came to be one of the tallest in his grade. He was fast at running, and he was always the last one left in dodgeball. Then, of course, came Sports Day. After comparing all the times in their PE Class, Kenyu’s high ranking had gotten him chosen for the relay race. Everyone was in agreement. He was tall, fast and the perfect fit for the job. He was to be the anchor for the relay race. Was it really all right for him to play such an important role? he felt a bit uneasy, but he would give his best once again for the people relying on him. Until the day of the sports festival, Kenyu would run every day. He’d wake up early to run and practice dashes on the field after school. Every Sunday, he’d have his father time him. Finally, it was time for the class relay. Under the clear sky, the fastest runners would compete while the cheer squads cheered them on. Kenyu’s class, 2-1, however, would compete in vain. After each grouping, members of his team would slip down the ranks. By the time Kenyu got the baton he was in last place. There is a huge gap between him and the top, all the people running in front of him are the fastest in their class after all. But Kenyu had to try his best. Everyone had chosen him as anchor after all. He steadily started accelerating, passing by another player in just a quick moment. With his large physique moving vigorously and his feet firmly stomping against the ground, he gradually closed the gap between the other runners. His classmates all cheered for him, and as they continued supporting him, he continued gaining speed. Even the announcer from the broadcasting club got caught up in the excitement. With the loud cheers under the blue sky, Kenyu passed the final goal, bursting past the four other racers and finishing first. It’s the first time he’d ever run so fiercely. His chest heaved as he caught his breath. Kenyu had finished first for the sixth graders. His classmates had showered him with praise, wearing a big smiles on their faces as they crowded around him. Kenyu thanked them for their support, feeling that their cheers had powered him on. Kenyu was honest and sincere. He didn’t know he could run that fast. It’s because everyone had believed in him that he was able to discover a new part of him. To Kenyu, it was an incredibly joyous moment. A few days after that, when he got home, a shiny soccer ball was waiting for him in the doorway. Kenyu was surprised and had wondered what it was for. His parents had thought it would be good for him to give soccer a try, seeing how he was so fast. It would make him more popular too. After seeing that their child had such amazing speed they suggested that he try out a sport and bought him a soccer ball. Of course his mother also wanted to see him popular. Immediately, Kenyu went outside and tried kicking the ball. As he ran with the ball, he found that he couldn’t stop. He’d kick it forward and chase after it continuing on. “This is fun!”, he thought to himself. In all honesty, being able to dribble without losing speed is a technique that’s difficult for beginners, but Kenyu, blessed with incredible athletic ability, was able to do it from the start. That’s how Kenyu “met” soccer, his parents had blessed him with the opportunity. As if it was fate, Kenyu found himself absorbed in soccer.

i wonder what sexy soccer even is 😭 like what does it entail yk…HAHA chronically only gang rise 🤩 tumblr truly is the site for people of our kind i love it

the craziest to me is when they freak out about non-teenagers watching shows and writing fics meanwhile they are openly thirsting for old ass characters?? why are you at fourteen writing paragraphs abt every position you want to fuck toji and nanami in 😭😭😭 look i’m not going to judge too harshly because wtvr i get it but also like some of them need to realize that those in glass houses should not be throwing stones

the karasu tabito tag is basically mine atp DJSKDK i think every karasu fan has probably seen at LEAST one or two of my posts (whether it’s a fic or just one of my karasu shitposts)

EXACTLYYYY YOU WILL NEVER CATCH ME BEING AN ANRI there’s only room for one high maintenance person per relationship and that role is fulfilled by me 👆🏻 that’s why my other favs are karasu barou and reo…you know those kings are NOT letting their partners suffer 😫 however in fiction nagi is my squishy cuddly fluffy dog bf so he is still number one in my heart 😩

if it’s isagi i’ll be mad because he doesn’t even feel like he has any interest in being captain 😓 i think aiku could work but agreed we def have to see more of him plus i don’t think he’d be made captain as he’s not an og blue locker yk?? OMG but if the trend continues we should be able to manifest karasu as captain…holding a prayer circle now 🕯️🕯️🕯️ (lowkey it would be funny if ego made like kurona or niko captain just because they’re the only ones that aren’t batshit insane and typically keep their speeches and vocab relatively normal 😭)

the way eita didn’t think she’d check if they were actually on sale too is so funny like she’s been dying to go there did you think she wouldn’t go and ask if the sale was still going on?! SO not slick omg i love him though…but $50 FJKSKS idek where he got that type of money from

i do enjoy writing a good old dumb/oblivious reader every now and again but i do think they have to be done right to feel believable!! personally all of my y/ns and mcs are based off of aspects of my own personality — some closer to my actual self than others ofc — which i think makes it easier to flesh them out because it’s just like “okay what would i do in that situation” LMAOO most of my side character ocs are based off of people i know too which again makes it easier to make them feel complex because it’s like “right so how would ___ react to that happening to them”…sometimes they end up not even being that similar (tullia in pomegranate ink is NOTHING like my irl best friend that she’s “based off of”) but just thinking of them as real people helps me treat them as such in the narrative!!

haha yes everyone does start somewhere so i never try to hate to their faces but i think it’s okay to acknowledge a general trend/pattern!! like there’s a difference between saying “your specific fic sucks i hate how you wrote your main character” versus being like “i think a lot of fics in x fandom have this problem with characterization”!! to me it’s not hate because people can decide whether that applies to them or not yk?? and yeah the wattpad uwu mcs are truly smth…or the ones that are meant to be “badass” but are really just loud/rude/make overly sexual jokes and swear a lot 😭 a lot of the times at first it’s easy to make characters as stereotypes/caricatures of themselves or have them composed of cliches but i do think most people grow out of it i quickly!! just a phase we must all go through i suppose…i will be the first to say i was cringe when i started writing that’s why half of my old works are private now 😩

HAHA OUTPERFORMING INDEED it’s so funny whenever i visit india my relatives tell me it looks like my voice is being dubbed over because i speak such good hindi but i’m very pale by indian standards so i look like a foreigner 😭 which omg ik that’s such a stereotypical thing to be saying like “no i don’t look like my race” when you very obviously do but just this last january i visited india for the first time in six years and people IN INDIA (including literally people i’m related to) thought i was either irani, afghani, or from spain 😓 they’d get jumpscared when i’d speak to them in hindi KSDJKSAN their lives would flash before their eyes as they tried to remember if they had talked shit abt me 😩 i speak it a bit at home and with all of my extended family that’s kind of the only language they know so when i call them i speak it!! i also just have a really really good memory (hence the lack of studying) so i don’t forget things which helps me pick up languages rlly quickly

SNUFFY’S BACKSTORY KILLS ME it’s so sad yet also realistic??? like it really feels like smth that could’ve happened irl yk (idk if it’s based off of smth or not) but on the other hand yuki’s is so normal i love it 😍 the fact that he got into soccer in such an average and chill way too LMAOAOAO my unproblematic goat!! although the sister thing is so funny…i’m assuming this is a different friend’s older sister than the one he fell in love with at age 10 because according to egoist bible she was 16 😭 and this girl is only three years older than him so they must be diff?? lowkey crazy as hell omg even in elementary school yuki was pulling 😰 i always interpreted those two facts (his first love was his friend’s 16 year old sister and his first confession was when his friend’s sister kissed him on the forehead) as being abt the same person and it being like the 16 year old sister was just kissing him because he was a cute little kid and he misinterpreted it/got embarrassed because he had a crush on her if that makes sense?? but ig they’re different people entirely!!

#answered asks #best friend’s brother fic #karasu anon translations

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cyberfunsupporter · 4 months ago

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what’s your favorite mv for purki, reve, and weiiiiii. also favorite stylings for an mv that did ALL the members right?

p.urple kiss // my fav styling is definitely nerdy! everyone looks so good 🥹 them being like ghosts was so cute and their outfits are so cool I LIKE ALL OF THEM SOO MUCH. but my favorite mv is probably sweet juice? it’s just really fun and the shining concept suits them exceptionally. i do also really like ponzona though i’ve been obsessed w it recently it’s such a strong debut

r.ed velvet // hmm. my favorite styling for all of them is definitely psycho. their outfits are such pleasing colors i really like the colors of the mv in general but there wasn’t a single miss imo and the concept’s just really nice. i ESP like wendy’s white hair IT LOOKS SO GOOD ON HER?? and yeri’s light brown was also rlly cute i wish u could see her more in the mv becauseee. oh my god. so cute. AND JOY LOOKS STUNNING plus seulgi’s green streaks omfg. amazing. for fav mv though, although it changes a lot (bc i like all of their mvs LOLL) i’d have to say rbb or cookie jar THEY R BOTH SOOO CUTE. honorable mentions are def chill kill & ice cream cake though— ice cream cake is so special because it’s when yeri joined & then chill kill because it’s their first full album since hiatusss imo that’s just really nice plus i like the dark concept

w.ei // for best styling, def bye bye bye! it was my fav mv of theirs when i was super into them, they only rlly had 3 mvs but it was still my favorite LOL. junseo looks cute in it & i really like all of their outfits when they’re at the resort. the concept was super cool! for fav mv i have to say fake love because they’re emo i just love my emo boys sorry

#TY FOR THE ASK #memorie 🖤#👥

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mondaymelon · 11 months ago

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RAHHHHHH HIHIHIIIIII MELONNN <33

"i had a good dream that i thought was going to be very silly but then the ending was sad and i woke up and was like WAIT NO IT CANT END LIKE THAT . so i reworked the plot in my head and tried to go back to sleep to continue and fix the dream but wegh it didnt work... SOBS."

STOP WAIT I DO THAT A LOT TOO LIKE its like oh no i dont like this scene BOOM rewind! noooo the story cant end like that TRY AGAIN! ueueueueue thats so sad why didnt it work ueueue sobes with you also. FICTIONAL CHARS APPEARING IN YOUR DREAMS IS SO REAL HELP i rmb once i watched a fan animatic of xiao playing the kazoo n that night i dreamt that he was playing a saxophone which sounded like a kazoo n i was throwing confetti n paper money at him,, i hope he appears in your dreams soon i think it will be a very interesting dream hehe.

ALSO. AKABANE KARMA??? HELLO?????? when is it my turn smh. ...vox... akuma.... his cooking streams were the death of me omfg AND WHAT. HYUNJIN AND BEOMGYU??? WHAT. 😀 that was a very interesting dream CRYING they THREW CEREAL AT YOU ?? i.. i won't ask any further. mhm.

THE HEADBOPPING WITH LIGHTS OFF IS SO REAL HAHAHKJDHFKS but for me it's more like my brother walking in on me aggressively bopping to music and walks straight out :'D fun times!

japanese is a nightmare i tell you. i am quite effectively illiterate in japanese sobs n falls to the ground HAHAHSKLJFHLDSJK why. why does 怪我 and 怪我 mean different things WHY. (one is 'blame me' and one is 'injury') why is 娘 mother and daughter at the same time. why. 日本語話とても難しです。*weary noises* but duolingo is actually p good for building vocab i think !! YIPPEE!!

ok yes questions. im a kaeya [BEEEEEEP] i meant kaeya main. LOL i cant think of other fictional chars atm so i will just say!! fav genshin chars!! kaeya beidou ayato kazuha fischl furina kirara collei childe && uhm uhm i forgot the rest OMG YEAH 呵呵以后不想让任何人知道我们在谈什么就可以用华语🤭 RAHHHH i recently became absolutely obsessed with modern family i think its really funny && animes! uhhhhhh spyxfam! campfire cooking! senko-san! the genius prince! my next life as a villainess! parallel world pharmacy! and i forgot the rest! HAHAHAHA ooh ooh okok adding on!! what are the top 3 items on your bucket list for 2024?

giggles loudly back at you HAHAHKJSKJF i get loads of bye-lingual moments though,, (forgot the word for tissue in all 4 languages but somehow knew it was spelt taschentuch in german) & yeahh i switch a lot w my brothers esp when we wanna say stuff we don't want people understanding (read: parents) && normally it's mandarin with parents + english sometimes!! yippee!!

NAH CAUSE THeRE WERE. TWO KARMAS. SOBBING. DONT ASK ME WHY BUT HE HAD A CLONE AND THEY WERE BOTH ROMANCING (?) ME?? idk. that dream was a blur and i dont remember it anymore UGHSDJK

the vox. the vox one. i remember. so vividly. i was a vtuber and we were playing minecraft and i did something super cool and funny and the next day there were clips about me and i sobbed wtih joy and then i woke up in my hotel and laid there for a solid half hour questioning if that was real and knowing it wasnt but praying it was. sobs.

wAI WAIA RYUU ARE YOU. ARE YOU A KPOP FAN. STARES AT YOU. SHAKES YOUR SHOULDERS VIOLENTLY if you are. fave groups and biases pretty please. i am in love with skz + txt + enhypen. E E E EE. E E JFSDODJkldlkjlajs biases are hyunjin (big surprise) n miho, txt bias is beomgyu (another crazy, wild, surprise!!) and honestly i cant choose with enhypen but im sorta leaning towards ni-ki rn... e e e e

dont be shy ryuu. whats the redacted. :) aaa for me fave characters... wai have i already said this idc uhm uhm xiao + kaveh + gorou + dori + nahida + venti + furina + fischl + oh so many more. ik some people dislike dori but she just wants the mula and honestly girl same LMAO

ooo spy x family is the silliest!! (have you seen buddy daddies).. for me im watching several things at once rn but its the apothecary diaries, the eminence in the shadow, and migi n dali !! these are all still airing rn so im having a silly time

uhhodkoadsfd tbf i dont really have a bucket list... if we're talking abt small goals ig its just to get good grades cause of my asian parents, to improve my art, and to finally bring my smau out of its stalemate cause i havent touched it in months and i feel bad abt it... sjdflkd

help when i talk with my brother about things we dont want our parents to hear we cant speak in mandarin cause they know it so we just replace the first letter of every word with b except for some few select examples

like. "brek babing bot bis bere" is shrek's bathing spot is here and dont even ask me why i wouldnt be able to tell you LMAO

and "b-b-b-b-b-beer" is like how are you or soemthing along those lines. my brain fries every time we attempt to speak in bod (dont ask why we named it that either i cant tell you too my brain is empty) and WOADOJFOS SAME HERE !!! uhalkdf hmm more questions... do you read any manhwa / manhua and if so which. because i NEED MORE MANHWA READERS IN MY FEED PLE. A S E

#★ ˎˊ˗ melonrambles!#★ ˎˊ˗ inbox... mooties!!#⋆˙⟡♡ᝰ.ᐟ - ryuu (like like fjoafjlk i have the physical copies of wmmap n solo levling n the world after the fall n the remarried empress)!!#and and and i have like 1u209840921 other on my wish list... THE REASON RAELINA ENDED UP IN TEH DUKES MANSION. JUNGLE JUICE (i need this on #so bad you dont understand but where the fuck did my money go and why is my wallet empty SOBS)

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prettybubblesintheair · 8 months ago

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OMFG

THE HARPIES OMFG, I LOVE YOU FEYD-RAUTHA ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

Ok so before i forget

“Then open your mouth like a good girl,” what was this OHMYGOSH, is it HOT in here or what. I LOVE AND ADORE HOW YOU WRITE FEYD, you always write him so deliciously, he’s PERFECTION, the way he worships HIS BARONESS, chef kiss to the million.

The baron still gives me the creeps, he scares me soooooo much, so that scene at the end with the dark room, yeah I’ll pass, no thank you, please just go away with your creepiness you weirdo.

The dress, so that sounded amazing, like really, I was imagining the dress and damn, that would be soooo cool.

The old maids, my hear broke for the bald one, that was so heartbreaking, at least one of them is happy, but I hope in the end maybe the Baroness can help her, like send her as*hole husband to a mission and to be K-word.

The HARPIES again bc I can’t believe he actually k-worded them, like OMG, he’s sooooooo into his baroness that he did do it, like, She must be living the life knowing how much power she haves over him and let’s be real HOW ALL THE POWER SHE HAVES IS BC HE GIVES IT TO HER, like Feyd that so sexy and hot, I love you so much, OH BEST WARRIOR, soon to be BARON, EMPEROR OF ALL.

I’m sooooo sooooo sooo in love with this story, I always say that but like it’s the truth HAHAHHA.

So happy we are about to see the epic fight of Our one true BARON, (ugh that scene from the movie was 🥵🫠❤️‍🔥) obsessed. He’s about to gain all the power from the people and that’s a bye-bye creepy baron.

Alsoooooooooo the reader eating the raw meat, I seriously saw that coming, it was like bound to happen, that’s going to be a strong, healthy baby, a true Harkonnen heir, Feyd is going to LOVE HIM so much I just know it.

Can’t wait for what comes next in this universe, is Paul alive, are they going to Arrakis, is the epic fight happening, are we aiming already to become Emperor’s, if Paul is alive is he going to become an ally to Feyd and the reader, so many questions 💗💗💗 sooo excited.

I hope you are having a fantastic Saturday, thank you for making mine a so much better 💖

— THROWN TO THE WOLVES (VII)

PART ONE || PART TWO || PART THREE PART FOUR || PART FIVE || PART SIX

PAIRING — Na-Baron Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen x fem!Reader // Atreides!OC

SUMMARY — Baron Harkonnen throws a celebration in the honour of the na-baroness being pregnant with the heir of his house. Feyd-Rautha's unusual gift for his wife surprises everyone.

AUTHOR’S NOTE — It’s written as an usual x Reader fic without describing anything about the Reader’s looks but I still classified it as an OC as well since she is Paul Atreides’ half-sister. It's the longest chapter so far and I wrote it all yesterday...??? I was afraid that after a few chapters I would start losing interest in writing down the story (as usual) but something completely opposite is happening 😳 I was planning a little in my head and I think the story will have 10 chapters but the last chapter might be very long... I am not sure yet. You see, I have a little OCD and I don't like odd numbers... So there is no way the story will have 11 chapters 🤣 Either 10 or 12. Of course I want to thank everyone showing support to my story and my writing. Special thanks to @everandforeveryours for sending me a link to a helpful Dune lore video and allowing me to use a good idea of Feyd's pets being a gift from the Baron Harkonnen. I also want to tag @valeskafics and her fanfic "Between Us" because it uses the same theme I used in this chapter. I had this idea even before reading that amazing story but she wrote it first so I want to be fair! 💕

WARNINGS — arranged marriage, mentions of sexual activities (no actual smut), violent behaviour, death

WORD COUNT — 7,110

ENGLISH IS MY SECOND LANGUAGE.

THROWN TO THE WOLVES (VII)

The sound of grunts, screams and clinging metal accompanied your breakfast as usual when you were eating your morning meal and watching your husband practice in the courtyard. Last night’s memories brought a faint smile to your face as you caressed your womb with your free hand.

Never before had you performed your marital duties in such a way. Nothing hurt you that morning, nothing was aching, nothing was sore. What a shame, you thought at first but you knew that your child’s safety was the priority. You were aware of the mockery of this yearning which was missing Feyd’s roughness and abuse. You both had your victories with each other – he had managed to shape your body and its desires the way he wanted to. He had turned you into a whore.

So, last night’s relative gentleness had been new to the both of you. It hadn’t been as exciting nor fun but you would get used to it for the few upcoming months, you decided.

You looked down and watched him finish the fight so gracefully and swiftly that it made you feel proud as if you were a mother watching her son training. Your fingers tickled your own abdomen teasingly, hoping that your unborn son could feel that. You already imagined him being the one training one day as you’d watch proudly.

Feyd looked up to make sure you had witnessed his victory and you waved at him before going back to your breakfast. He was an exquisite warrior and you wondered why his uncle still made him perform pathetic shows in front of the audience instead of letting him show his real abilities. Perhaps he didn’t want Feyd to become more respectable, at least not yet. It would weaken his position and despite presenting his nephew as his natural successor, he wasn’t eager to let go of the throne just yet.

Feyd had been right the other day when he had told you that it was not the right time to kill the Baron. It would make the nobility of Giedi Prime want to take over the reign and call Feyd an usurper. No, the transfer of power had to go smoothly because every civil war was weakening its state.

You were deep in your thoughts when Feyd joined you on the balcony in his gladiator gear, still breathing heavily after the fight.

“Let me finish my breakfast first,” you told him casually. You knew what he wanted. The same thing as always after the fight.

“Not today,” he only said and sat on the chair next to yours. You raised your eyebrow at him and watched him grabbing a plate and putting some of your food on it.

“You don’t have to restrain yourself so much, I am not made of glass,” you chuckled.

“Who said I’m going to restrain myself?” He looked at you and you moved uncomfortably.

You still had the image of his awful cannibalistic lovers making out with each other and hissing at you with jealousy, threatening to eat your heart.

Feyd’s appetite was insatiate, you didn’t mind sharing him with concubines – especially in your fragile state. But these three women… They simply had to go but you had no idea how to deal with that matter. He seemed to have a strong bond with them.

“What are you still doing here then?” You snapped at him angrily and looked away.

“My uncle is throwing a celebration tonight in your honour,” Feyd explained and you looked back at him, surprised.

“In my honour?” You asked in disbelief.

“You’re carrying the Harkonnen heir,” he reminded you with a proud smirk. “It is a custom to celebrate it,” he added.

“What kind of celebration?” You wanted details. Once again, this side of the Harkonnen culture was not known to you.

And to think that your father had been advertising you as a woman who was very educated in that matter.

“The nobility of Giedi Prime will come to celebrate and shower you with gifts,” Feyd watched with delight as you smiled and your eyes sparkled.

“Now you’re talking!” You were visibly excited.

“I came here to ask what kind of gift I can give to you,” Feyd’s words made you freeze for a second.

You did not expect that.

“Keep in mind I only have a few hours to get it,” he added. “So don’t ask me for impossible things.”

Suddenly, an idea popped into your head. A very delicious idea and it made your heart pound faster in your chest. You had your large victory with Feyd but you still weren’t sure how far he’d go for you, you still weren’t sure if his domestication process had been complete. This could be a great test of his obedience but it could also anger him. You decided to risk it since your new status was making you untouchable anyway.

“Well, there is something I want,” you whispered, seductively, as you looked deep inside his eyes.

“What is it?” He asked and you chuckled as you mysteriously covered your mouth with your hand. He furrowed his brow at that gesture and you beckoned him over as if you wanted to tell him a secret.

Unsurely, he leaned in for you to whisper into his ear.

“I want to be your only pet… like you are mine,” you breathed out and bit on his earlobe gently before pulling away and seeing the absolute terror on his face.

He was trying to hide it the best he could but you only smirked at him, not expanding your thoughts any further. You didn’t care what he’d do to them, you just wanted them to be discarded.

Feyd did not say anything. He took one last bite of his breakfast and left the table to walk away and walk out of the chambers. It was a little disappointing that he hadn’t given you any reaction whatsoever but you decided to give him some time to process your request and his own feelings.

You almost had a nervous breakdown in front of your wardrobe and it felt humiliating to be so emotional about the outfit to choose. Like all these months on Giedi Prime hadn’t changed the core of your personality – you were spoiled.

“Na-baroness, please, calm down, it’s going to be alright,” Astra’s eyes widened at you.

“I don’t know what is wrong with me…” You sniffed your tears back.

“It’s the baby, I’m sure, my Lady,” Cara assured you.

“There is no point in crying over a dress, I’m so stupid,” you sat on the bed and hid your face in your hands.

“I think there is, actually, my Lady,” Astra swallowed thickly before sharing her thought and you looked up at her, questioningly. Cara did the same thing. “I mean, na-baroness, the clothes you’re wearing, they’re reflecting your power and personality. May I dare to say… Women do not have as many opportunities to display their power as men and for noble women… the way they’re presenting themselves… that’s very important, my Lady,” she explained. “Forgive me for my boldness but on the day of your wedding, na-baroness, your dress was turned into a mockery by the na-baron. But on the day of his fight in the arena, you established your dominance with that red leather dress, my Lady,” she bowed down her head and waited for you to scold her.

“You should have just shut your mouth,” Cara hissed at her.

But you only laughed cheerfully and extended your hands towards the girls to hold them.

“Oh, girls, I adore you,” you assured them. “Thank you for your insight, Astra. You are a very smart girl and you are right,” you told her and she looked up in disbelief as her eyes sparkled. “So are you, Cara, but you need to have more courage,” you squeezed Cara’s hand to show her some of your gratitude, too.

You didn’t want to favour any of them because it could lead to the other one growing to feel resentment and betraying you. You knew perfectly well how it felt like to be the less favoured one.

They both smiled sweetly and helped you to get up to choose from the dresses all over again. You wanted to look like a Harkonnen but you wanted to stand out, too. Not only were you the na-baroness but it was also your day, your celebration, your moment to shine.

Someone knocked upon your doors and Cara went to open them to see who that was.

“We have a gift for na-baroness,” you heard a male voice and you nodded your head at Cara for her to let them in.

Two of Baron Harkonnen's servants entered your bedroom carrying a big black box. You furrowed your brows at it as one of them bowed down and handed you a letter.

My Baroness, this gown is a gift from me. My own mother wore it for her celebration after conceiving an heir. The tailors have been working on it to adjust it to your size all night. It is your decision whether to wear it for the feast or not but it would bring me great pleasure to see you in it and proving your loyalty to the House Harkonnen. – Baron H.

A chill went down your spine. You didn’t expect that. It was his attempt to show his dominance over you, to test your loyalty as if there was still some hint of doubt about it. You were a Harkonnen now. You had nothing to prove.

“Unpack it,” you ordered his servants. You wanted to see the gown first.

The skirt was made of black leather with a long and slim train that resembled a snake. The bodice was made of black metallic net so tightly knotted that it was barely transparent but there were red gemstones scattered all over it, forming an emblem of the House Harkonnen on the chest.

You didn’t know what to do. The dress was stunning but you knew that wearing it would only give Baron a satisfaction you did not want to give him. On the other hand, you didn’t want to be too openly rebellious towards him like you were with your husband. And some part of you was scared to disobey him as you had disobeyed Feyd when you had been given a dress from him.

“I will wear it, thank you,” you nodded at the servants and they nodded their heads before walking out of the room and leaving you alone with your girls.

“So, problem solved,” Astra chuckled softly as she touched the fabric of the gown with awe.

“Not entirely,” Cara scolded her. “Isn’t our na-baroness also the Duchess Atreides now? This dress is to humiliate her,” she pointed out and then gave you an apologetic smile.

“That is true, my darling,” you told her. “But I have bent my knee in front of Baron Harkonnen. House Atreides – which I represent – serves the Baron now,” you explained. “Let’s put it on,” your eyes sparkled at the gown.

The bodice felt like an armour but the skirt was regal and feminine. It was a perfect mix, you had to admit. You hated the Baron for understanding your fashion sense so quickly. Suddenly, an odd feeling crossed your mind.

“I'm wondering what he was like when he was young, The Baron,” you told your girls as they widened their eyes at you. “What kind of husband would he be��”

“My Lady!” Astra gasped and you laughed at the terror and shock on her face.

“I just like getting pretty things,” you shrugged your arms and winked at her as you admired yourself in the mirror.

“If na-baroness keeps saying such things, you might make na-baron jealous and angry,” Cara reminded you. Little did she know she had just given you a great idea.

“Oh, maybe I want that, my sweet,” you chuckled at her. “You know what?” You decided to change the subject as the girls looked at each other, surprised. “I think I want to wear my hair up this time. Do you think you can manage that now?”

“Yes!” Astra was excited for the idea. “And we can attach the red gemstones to the hairdo to match the dress!”

“Sounds good,” you nodded at her with a smile.

You were supposed to enter the dining room as the last one, side by side with your husband for all the guests to admire you and cheer. So you were waiting in the room nearby, still admiring yourself in the mirror constantly. Feyd wasn’t there yet – in fact you hadn’t seen him since breakfast.

When the doors behind you opened without knocking, you knew already it had to be him and indeed, you spotted him in the mirror’s reflection. He was wearing his black leather uniform and squinted his eyes at you.

You turned around with a sly smile to show off your gown but he didn’t look very pleased.

“What is this dress?” He asked and you rolled your eyes.

“I hoped you’d tell me I look beautiful, dear husband,” you put your hands on your hips.

“I didn’t say you did not,” he pointed out and you smirked. “But I don’t recall giving you such a dress and I sincerely doubt it is one of those you brought with you from Caladan,” he gritted his teeth and you noticed his whole body went tense.

“It is a gift from your uncle,” you tried to sound as innocent as possible. “It was his mother’s,” you added and gasped in awe in an exaggerated way as you caressed the skirt.

“My uncle gave it to you?” Feyd approached you quickly and tugged on one of the sleeves as you squealed.

“What are you doing? Do you want to break it?!” You managed to push his hand away but his face was now inches away from yours and you could see anger spilling out of his eyes. His clenched jaw was practically shaking. “What is your problem? Can’t I accept gifts from your uncle? He is my family now as much as you are and he is my Baron whom I serve,” you added.

“I thought you wanted me to kill him,” Feyd drawled through gritted teeth.

“Maybe I don’t want that anymore. His gifts are nicer than yours,” you teased as you giggled cruelly into his face. “I mentioned to my girls earlier today that he would make a good husband if he was younger and healthier,” you continued. It was delicious to watch him in such torment but some part of you felt bad for it, too.

“You’re more stupid than I thought then,” Feyd spat out. “So disappointing.”

You let out a nervous laugh. It hadn’t gone as you expected. You had to take it back as fast as possible. You knew that he admired you for being cunning and you couldn't spoil that.

“Oh, darling,” you cupped his face and he flinched but you shushed him, “can’t you see I’m teasing you, my pet?” You raised your eyebrow at him. His muscles relaxed but his eyes were full of confusion. “You should have seen your ugly face when I was saying these things,” you giggled and you leaned in to place soft kisses upon his lips and cheeks.

“Why did you wear that dress?” He only asked after a short while, when he was less angry already.

“Because it’s pretty and I don’t want him to think that I am his enemy. He probably thinks that already but I don’t want to show it,” you explained softly. “Sometimes you have to lose a small battle in order to win the war.”

“He’s going to stare at you all evening. I hate it when he does that,” Feyd told you. You caressed his cheeks with your thumbs.

“He can stare as much as he wants. I didn’t wear it for him. I wore that for my husband and for my son,” you assured him.

These days feeding him with all these praises and sweet things felt easier than usual. These days it felt almost natural. You didn’t have to plan what to say. It was coming directly from your poisoned heart; filled with the venom of unwanted affection towards the man standing in front of you.

The guards knocked upon the door and you realised it was the time to finally leave the room and join the guests in the dining room. You took a deep breath in and lowered your arms to give your husband’s hands a squeeze before leaving his side and approaching the doors.

“Are you coming?” You looked back at him.

“I am,” he joined you and put his hand on your waist. “You look beautiful, by the way,” he smirked at you and you rolled your eyes but on the inside you felt the warmth spilling all over your body.

Feyd led you inside the dining room after you two had been announced. You were watched by the cheering people as you gracefully and slowly walked towards the podium with two large, black chairs. The Baron was sitting on the opposite side of the room and watching you with a smirk as the long train of your dress followed you as if it was a real snake indeed, slithering on the black marble floor.

You watched Feyd taking a seat on one of the chairs and you were about to sit on yours, when you felt his hands grabbing your waist and pulling you onto his lap. You didn’t want to fight him in front of all these people so you kept your smile on. And – even though it was taking away some of your dignity – it felt good, too. His right hand with the Harkonnen signet ring landed on your abdomen possessively. The long train of your dress was falling down the side of the podium as you decided to use the second chair as a footstool.

You weren’t presenting yourselves like a dignified noble couple of the future Baron and Baroness of Giedi Prime. You looked like barbarian rulers of the savage tribe; sitting lazily on your thrones and not caring much about the etiquette. It wasn’t exactly how you had planned this evening to go but you loved to spot the annoyance on the Baron’s face.

Once you were seated, the guests sat down as well and they were announced one after another to approach you, bow down and show off their gifts to you.

Lots of the presents weren’t actually for you but for your son. There were blades and knives of all sorts – all of them beautifully made. Some lords gifted you jewellery and the Bene Gesserit woman gave you an old book from the Bene Gesserit library. You couldn’t see her face behind the veil but you were sure that her eyes were watching you as carefully as the Baron’s. And as your aunt’s friend she was most likely your grandfather’s spy, too.

All the lords and ladies were back in their seats and you had a feeling it was all over now. You tried to hide your disappointment about the fact that there was no gift from Feyd when the servant announced:

“To Na-Baroness (Y/N) Harkonnen, Duchess of The House Atreides and a mother of his son, Na-Baron Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen presents a humble offering hoping to win her favours,” the man bowed down as three servants approached you. Each one of them was holding a black, covered plate.

Everyone was staring in anticipation, knowing your husband’s reputation they wanted to see what kind of present it could be. You felt his muscles tensing as his hand squeezed your womb even more possessively. He was excited for you to see and your heart skipped a beat as you already had a feeling what it was.

Feyd nodded at the servants and they took the black, velvet veils off of the plates as everyone gasped in shock and disgust. You tried very hard not to react in any way at the sight of the three familiar heads of your husband’s pet darlings.

You swallowed thickly, feeling his impatience to see your reaction. From the corner of your eye you noticed that the Baron was very displeased and you wondered why.

The eyes of the guests were wide as everyone on Giedi Prime had known about Feyd’s cannibalistic lovers. Everyone in the room was aware of the significance of this gift and perhaps that was the reason behind Baron’s anger.

You didn’t want to thank your husband for the present. It would be humiliating to thank him in front of everyone for getting rid of his concubines. However, he was expecting praise as the rest of the room was expecting some sort of reaction. You turned your head around to place a passionate kiss upon his lips as you cupped his cheek with one of your hands and the guests cheered. The servants took the heads away and you were glad because the sight was making you feel sick.

As you were kissing Feyd who seemed to be very proud of himself, you realised that you had just killed people. Perhaps not directly but they died because of your order and your request. These creatures were twisted and sick and dangerous but they were still – in some way – people. You remembered your father’s words about taking human life.

People should not decide about other people’s right to live or die. As noblemen in power we are burdened with the responsibility of making such decisions way more often than we should. It is important to remember the value of each and every single human life.

You didn’t want to think of that. You didn’t want that feeling somewhere deep in your heart that you disappointed your father. He was dead and he was the one who had sent you here, causing you to become like this. He would have no right to judge you. You wanted to survive more than anything because the life you had been living so far was not satisfying enough. And now, orphaned and basically homeless, you finally could make a new life for yourself. This time everything would be on your terms.

You finished the kiss with a smile as you leaned in to peck Feyd’s lips again with a sweet chuckle. The servants placed a table in front of you as the feast was supposed to begin.

“Good boy,” you whispered to him.

“My Lady,” he nodded his head at you with a wide smile, showing off his black teeth. This time it didn’t even make you flinch as you had grown used to his face. Perhaps it was because of the child in your womb but you leaned in once again to put yet another kiss upon his lips and he eagerly kissed you back.

Feyd kept you on his lap during the feast. You were feeding him his almost raw steak with your fork and he was feeding you with cake that had been prepared for your celebration. You remembered your wedding celebration and chuckled to yourself how different these two banquets were.

At some point of digging the fork and knife into Feyd’s steak, you felt your mouth watering at the sight of blood leaking out of it on the plate. It deeply confused you since you had always found these disgusting.

“What is it, pet?” Feyd placed a kiss on your neck, waiting for another piece of meat you’d feed him with.

“It’s nothing, I…” You hesitated, your eyes fixated on the steak with a mix of fascination and confusion. Feyd noticed it and laughed at you.

“Try it,” he encouraged you but you shook your head, refusing. “Try it,” he took the fork from your hand and turned your head around before putting the piece of meat in front of your mouth. “He wants it, not you. It’s for him,” the hand he kept on your abdomen squeezed your womb. You still looked unsure. “He’s a Harkonnen, he has his needs,” Feyd explained.

“I’m a Harkonnen, too,” you whispered and he smirked.

“Then open your mouth like a good girl,” he ordered and you obeyed, not ever breaking eye contact. When the piece of a bloody steak was inside your mouth already, you let it melt a little on your tongue. Feyd placed his hand on your throat possessively but gently – his intention was not to hurt you but to feel you swallow.

You couldn’t tell the steak was delicious but it surprisingly was not as awful as you had expected. It had to be the effect of your pregnancy but you didn’t want to refuse your son anything he wanted. You wanted him to be born as strong as he could and to become a warrior even greater than his father.

As Feyd was staring at you with admiration, you suddenly realised that it would be so much easier to turn your son into another guard dog of yours. You could give Feyd many sons and each of them would be willing to kill for his mother and her ambitions. You got dreamy for a while, sincerely hoping Feyd wouldn’t insist on raising his children the same way he had been raised by his uncle. Despite your dream of having strong warriors sons, you didn't want them to achieve that through pain and losing a sense of humanity.

You gave Feyd a sweet smile and let him kiss you once more, not caring at all what all the guests had to think. And caring only a little about the Baron’s visible anger.

After a while the guests left their seats as they began approaching one another and exchanging courtesies. Many of them walked up to you to congratulate you personally. It felt delightful to see so much fear and respect in the eyes of those Harkonnen men who had looked so scary to you a few months earlier but now you saw them as nothing but pathetic.

You spotted that one of the Harkonnen ladies looked surprisingly familiar. She was talking to another woman. She had a hooded dress but for a brief while you were convinced that you could spot… hair. Astra and Cara had informed you that sometimes Harkonnen noble women were wearing wigs to look prettier but you had also been aware that nowadays it was considered as a faux pas because of you and your very real and very natural hair.

“Excuse me,” you left your husband’s side and left him with one of the lords. He was watching you walk away but he did not stop you.

With your heart squeezed in your chest, you touched a shoulder of one of those women and they both turned around, startled. You gasped at the sight of them.

They were your old maids you had brought with you from Caladan. The ones that had been given to the Harkonnen noble lords.

“My Lady…” They both bowed down and you looked them up and down.

Both of them were swollen with children and their faces looked exhausted. You could swear that their skin was a shade paler than you remembered. One of them had her hair shaved off completely but the other one kept her locks and she also had makeup on.

“My girls, where have you been?” You asked them with a gentle smile. “I hope your husbands treat you well,” you added as you touched their arms and they both flinched, especially the bald one.

“I can’t complain, na-baroness,” the one with hair told you. “Beginnings were difficult but now I’m a lady and not a maid,” she placed her hand on her swollen belly.

“I am very sorry, I hope you both know I had nothing to do with what happened,” you bit on your lower lip.

“My Lady, I have accepted my faith a long time ago,” she sighed. “My husband is not as handsome as yours, na-baroness, but he is worshipping me for my looks. I am sorry for keeping my real hair, I know it is rude to show it off around you, my Lady. That is why I have a hood on my head. But my husband doesn’t allow me to cut it. In fact, he wants them to be as long as they can get,” she explained.

“I do not mind you wearing hair on your head,” you told her. “Yours is real, you have a right to wear it.”

“But not to show it off, my Lady,” she explained.

“Is that some new law I’ve had no idea of?” You chuckled, watching the other one from the corner of your eye. She was acting extremely odd and her pupils were dilated to the point her eyes almost looked black.

“Not officially, no, as far as I am concerned,” your former maid explained, “but the Baron himself was telling the lords that their wives should not wear wigs because it is insulting to the new na-baroness,” she bowed down slightly.

“And what about you, darling? What happened to your beautiful hair?” You looked at the other one as she gasped and bowed down as well, nervously.

“M-my na-baroness,” she stuttered out.

“What is wrong with her?” You asked the other one.

“Her husband, he…”

“My husband is the greatest and the most generous man I could ever ask for, my Lady,” the startled one interrupted her as she widened her eyes even further at you. “There is not a day I am not grateful for him,” she continued and you squinted your eyes at her. You had given the same speech to your grandfather the other day about Feyd-Rautha. But your speech was purposefully planned out and she sounded like a programmed machine.

You wanted to ask her about more things when you noticed a huge and very unpleasant looking Harkonnen lord approaching you angrily. He bowed down at the sight of you but then he grabbed the bald woman by her arm and pulled her closer to him.

“What have I told you about walking away?!” He scolded her.

“I-I am so sorry, my Lord, please forgive me, I did not mean to disobey, please, my Lord…” She trembled.

“My Lord,” you told him and he laid his angry eyes at you, “it is my fault. I wanted to speak to my former maid. Please, I did not mean to steal your wife away from you.”

“Na-baroness doesn’t have to explain herself to me,” he bowed down to you. “It is an honour for you to speak to my wife, my Lady,” he added and dragged her away with him.

You watched with shock, terror and sadness but there was nothing you could do. You had to be a harsh na-baroness Harkonnen and accept their customs. You didn’t want to make scenes and ruin your own celebration.

After all, you were selfish, too.

“Mine is not like that,” the other woman only told you. “There he is,” she pointed at the man talking to Feyd-Rautha. The men looked at you and you both waved at them as they nodded. Her husband was not very good looking indeed but he wasn’t as scary as the other one. “I told you, my Lady, it could be worse,” she told you. “But be careful with the pregnancy,” she warned as you raised an eyebrow at her.

“What do you mean?”

“These babies… their babies, I mean… They change you. I hope not permanently, but they do. And I feel as if the child is feeding off of my life energy and strength. I am weakened and exhausted,” she sighed. “But it is alright. I know my husband will not let me die.”

“I do not have to worry about these things either,” you reminded her but some part of you tried to convince yourself at the same time.

“Of course, my Lady,” she nodded her head and your husbands approached you.

“I see a little reunion, my Lady,” your former maid’s husband bowed down at you. “Congratulations, na-baroness.”

“I congratulate you, too, my Lord,” you pointed at the woman’s abdomen and he smirked as he pulled her closer to him.

“I will forever be grateful to you, na-baroness, for bringing such a gem with you all the way from Caladan,” he told you and you gave him a faint smile. “Please, do forgive me for letting me keep her hair.”

“I don’t mind her hair, my Lord,” you told him.

“As long as she’s not showing it off,” suddenly Feyd barked as you furrowed your brow at him.

“Feyd!” You chuckled nervously, ashamed of his behaviour.

“It is understandable, my Lord na-baron,” the man bowed his head and walked away with his wife.

“What was that?” You asked your husband.

“No common lady shall outshine my wife,” he explained with his jaw clenched.

“Please,” you laughed softly as you cupped his angry face, “she’s my former maid. How could she ever outshine me?” You asked him and then you teased. “Do you think I am so easy to outshine, dear husband?”

“N-no, that is not what I meant,” his eyes widened as he shook his head. “I want you to be the only woman on this planet to shine.”

“Then don’t stand in the way of light,” you leaned in to whisper into his ear and then you giggled before kissing his cheek.

Feyd was asked to stay longer at the celebration by some of the lords who wanted to drink and party with him and other men but you decided to go to your chambers as the rest of the ladies. It was late already and you were getting tired so you said goodnight to your husband and the guests before excusing yourself and walking out of the dining room.

For the first time you noticed that there was no guard following you and your exhaustion suddenly turned into excitation. Since everyone was busy with the celebrations and you were free of company, it was a perfect excuse to wander a little around the fortress and through the corridors that you still had not explored properly.

It was your home now and you wanted to know all of it. At this point you had a few paths memorised already and you took the known one just in case you got lost and couldn’t find the way back. You passed the doors leading to the library and you pushed the next one open.

It was a Memory Room as they called it and it had the Harkonnen souvenirs and war trophies on display. You weren’t actually forbidden to go there at all but you had never gone there anyway. You had read about it in one of the books and you wanted to see it yourself but without any guard staring at you.

At this point of the night, the room was dark and empty with no one guarding it and the guards who were supposed to stand outside were most likely partying with other men as they abandoned their duties for the time of celebration.

You gasped at the size of the room as you looked around and allowed your eyes to get used to the darkness. Then you began walking around and looking at the exhibits behind the glass. The Harkonnen enemies were many and great and yet, all that was left of them remained now nothing but a trophy in this room.

There were other artefacts as well – like the one you were looking for. And when you finally spotted it, at the end of the wall, you smiled to yourself as you looked up. It was the blade given to you by the warrior during your wedding ceremony. He had won the bloody contest and swore to you that for his na-baroness he would shed the blood of his enemies. The blade still had dried up blood on it and below the exhibit there was an engraved inscription.

10191 AG – the blade given to Na-Baroness (Y/N) Harkonnen of The House Atreides on the day of her wedding to Na-Baron Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen from The Wedding Games winner Maxim Arseni

Lost in your thoughts of your name being engraved there forever, you stopped paying attention to your surroundings.

“I see you’re basking in your glory, Baroness,” a familiar, unpleasant voice startled you. You turned around and spotted the Baron himself floating in the air in the middle of the room with all his machinery behind him. How could you not hear him coming? You cursed yourself for allowing yourself to be so inattentive.

And now you were alone with him in a dark room when your husband was partying with other lords and couldn’t hear you even if you screamed for help.

“I am not basking, my Lord,” you bowed down slightly as you approached him a little to be able to see him more, “and surely I have no glory attached to my name yet.”

He smirked.

“You wore the dress,” he pointed out.

“It is beautiful, my Lord, thank you,” you nodded.

“Do you know that the harpies were my gift to Feyd for one of his birthdays? They costed me quite a lot as they had been genetically modified for him. He had a tendency of getting bored of his previous pets so I prepared him something special. He was mesmerised by them and their infinite sexual desire, their bloodthirst and devotion,” Baron was explaining to you but you could hear irritation in his voice.

Now you could understand why he was so angry. You accidentally told his dear nephew to get rid of his expensive gift.

“Did you tell him to get rid of them or did that boy do it himself?” Baron asked and you remained silent because both answers would only make it worse.

If you told him it had been your idea, he’d get his proof that you were playing a game indeed. If you lied to him it had been Feyd’s idea, he’d start thinking that Feyd was getting weak.

Unless…

“I asked him to get rid of them, my Lord. I’ve had no idea they were so meaningful,” you admitted. “But I did not specify what I want to be done to them. Their death surprised me no less than you, my Baron. His bond with them was known to me,” you added as genuinely as possible.

“I am aware what game you’re playing, Baroness,” Baron’s voice was surprisingly calm, almost as if he admired you. “Such a timid little thing that came here only a few months ago, tripping as she walked towards my throne on the first day… already making my life more exciting,” his eyes sparkled.

“You forgot how it’s like to have real enemies, did you not, my Lord?” You asked him, carefully. “They’re all so scared of you that they don’t even walk up close to you anymore. They are no worthy opponents. Even my father did not dare to fight you, he preferred to give me away for peace.”

“Your father was weak, Duchess Atreides,” Baron pointed out.

“I know,” you shrugged your arms.

“So you do know what use there is of weak men. Do you really want our Feyd to become one?” He asked and you were almost caught off guard by the tone of his voice. He was talking to you as if you were an equal.

He already knew that he was losing his control over Feyd-Rautha to you but he still hoped to share him.

Of course you couldn’t trust him. He was pretending to be your friend for his own gain. However, it meant that you had been promoted in the ladder of his enemies if his strategy was no longer humiliation and threats but fake friendship instead.

“I do not wish him to be weak,” you explained. “It is the last thing I want,” you told him, truthfully. “What you did to him… was awful. But it is something that cannot be taken back and it is something I do not want to take back,” you emphasised.

“Yet now, after seeing his gift, all the Harkonnen lords are whispering between each other that my successor is getting weak for a woman,” Baron informed you and you gritted your teeth. If he wasn’t lying, the news were not pleasing you either. But it was useful for your little plan. “And what do we do now, my Baroness?” Baron asked.

“Let him fight in the arena,” you proposed, trying to hide the excitement on your face. He couldn’t know it was a part of your scheming, he had to think it was an idea that had just popped into your head.

“Hmm,” he hummed to himself. “What do you mean?”

“It’s going to be his hundredth kill, right?” You asked and he nodded. “And as far as I am concerned it’s going to be his birthday, too.”

“Yes, has he told you?” Baron laughed.

“No, my servants have,” you answered truthfully. “I think for this special occasion you should give him a real warrior to kill. Not someone weak and not someone drugged. Let these whispering lords see how weak he is getting indeed. They’re quickly going to see that they were wrong about him. I’ve watched him fight and he’s excellent,” you finished.

“Interesting,” Baron squinted his eyes at you. “But also very convenient for you if he dies there. Because you're already carrying his son.”

“I have no gain in Feyd dying in the arena,” you laughed at him. “If he dies there, you’re going to kill me the moment I push the baby out and train him like you trained my husband,” you told him and then you realised that it was really true.

A shiver went down your spine. You suddenly regretted your proposition but it could not be taken back now.

“I will think of that,” Baron nodded his head at you. “You should go to sleep now and rest,” he added and you bowed down before approaching the doors, trying not to show how much you wanted to get away as fast as possible. “However,” he started and you slowed down with your hand already on the doors’ handle, “you think that I resent you way more than I actually do, Baroness,” he added and you swallowed thickly before nodding your head and walking out.

You sighed with relief at the sight of the familiar corridor and you hurried to the staircase leading to the living quarters to finally go back to your room.

MASTERLIST

#dune x reader #feyd rautha x reader #feyd rautha harkonnen x reader #thrown to the wolves

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nvvacanesworld · 9 months ago

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hiii nova. 🍣 anon here! hope you’ve been having a good day/night so far.

ahhh i js wanted to say that i was binging your tumblr during my after uni yesterday and i have sm i wanna say!! sorry for not sending this ask earlier, uni gets so hectic 😥

ahhh first and foremost — your gojo fic 😍😍 i loved part 2 smm, trust me you did such a good job! hsjsjss toji had me blushing and giggling like crazy. so so happy that mc and toji got to interact a bit more hehe. but omfg gojo 😭 i��m a gojo girl thru and thru but i was praying on gojo’s downfall loll

i also read ur fic ‘last spring’ and it was sooo good. i don’t really read much aot but that was just so hajsjsjsj i cant describe it with my mere words but it just hit right yk. i loved the angst so so much :D

OK BUT LETS TALK ABOUT UR OLDER BF SERIES. BYE IM FERAL. older bf nanami was so sweet ahh it was written so well too omg omg omg. i haven’t read older bf! toji yet but im sure it’ll be just as great!

once again tysm for taking the time to write for us here on tumblr :)) ur so talented haksjsj 💗 i can’t wait to read more of your works!!

heyyyyy omg i’m so happy you sent this ask and i hope everything is well(◡‿◡✿)

and i understand uni being hectic so don’t worry about it seriously

im happy you enjoyed the gojo fic i well like the second part of it was lacking so much so much to the point i feel like i may go rewrite it. I’m actually planning another gojo fic this time a series.

THIS IS WHAT ITS GONNA BE ABOUT

don’t judge my shitty layout skills

and i’m glad someone liked last spring lmao it flipped but i feel like that’s because the aot fandom is dead kinda and everyone moved to jjk. Like my jjk fics get so many notes in like mere minutes but last spring was so dead so like days (ㄒoㄒ)

YES LETS TALK ABOUT MY OLDER BF SERIES PLEASE!!!!!

with older bf nanami i tried to plan it out as them like meeting and then developing a relationship and then dating because it felt so weird to just dumb into them dating ahhhhh idk i’m glad you liked that tho even tho the layout was not your traditional layout for those type of head canons

with older bf toji i literally had to rewrite it so many times and was almost crying in the hall because it kept deleting. But i powered through so it’s okay even tho i feel like my first rendition was so much better than what i put out. The first time it deleted was bc my phone died. I’m gonna start writing on my computer bc it auto saves that way. I hope you like it though come back and tell me about it PLEASEEEE i want your opinion. I’m pretty sure it’s longer than nanami’s and with the way i am they are just gonna keep getting longer (￣▽￣)

I’m so happy i took that jump to just start writing the amount of support i’m getting from you and people like you makes my heart jump

until next time 🍣

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snowblossomreads · 1 year ago

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🦅🫖💨🦅🫖💨🫖🦅💨🫖🦅💨

can you hear my screeches from your place??? hello, thank you so much for the meal…wait i mean a whole all you can eat buffet coz that’s what DETECTIVE FRIEDMAN IS.

you know i got curious how they got into that ‘relationship’ in the first place…like how that type of ‘situation’ is basically became a foreplay for them (am i right??)

in my delulu head it goes like this;

when she’s doing her nth ‘task’ and on a look out for this certain detective coz he kinda onto something…and coz she’s unhinged and finds him hot she’s like you know what, she decided to do a sloppy work for this ‘assignment’ to get his attention, basically throwing breadcrumbs for him when she’s actually very capable to done it neatly…she’s like “oops,” when she finally got caught but not without putting on a good girl act and flirting with him just like in the beginning of your fic, aaaand that’s how the first time detective friedman bullshitting for her after they do the deed of course HAHAHAH

pls pls not to be that person but i’d love to read more about this very particular couple! 😭😭😭 detective friedman fic shortage got me ill…i will honestly devour anything if it’s about him😓

bye…gotta watch friedman edits and then reread your friedman fics🫡🫡🫡

-friedman simp

THE WAY I WHEEZED AT THE FIRST PARAGRAPH. 🤣 First of all honored that you're rereading stuff makes my alan owned heart so happy you don't understand 💕💕💕!! And secondly omfg you are right David is very much a whole buffet and the lack of content for him hurts my soul to. So i'm going to be the change in the world i want to see and bring people on board while doing it haha.

But no you're totally onto something because I very much was like how did these two heathens meet each because you know it has to be some unhinged shite that only our delulu minds can come up with. This little snippet summary blurb u gave 10/10 and ur got me thinking friend! And that's always a bad thing 😌😌😌

Omg please the council wishes to see the friedman edits please share if u would like friend (plesae pretty please) there is not enough of this sexy disaster of a man!!!!

#friedman simp #everyone say thank you to friedman simp #we are gonna get this man all the p*redacted*y #and all the bjs #and other things eheh #also the wide range that my fav alans are in is hilarious #u got bat boi #golden retriever puppy #alcoholic detective #and unhinged judge is making a spot in my heart also

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bigdsgirl · 2 months ago

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Love Next Door, Episode 14 thoughts

It's sunday, I have thoughts on this damn show

NO I DONT WANNA RE LIVE THIS! AND SHE IS ALL HE THINKS ABOUT?? I will combust.

a CONTEST????? WHAT???

i think Seok-ryu should work at this guy's restaurant or help at her dads!

the faith he has in her to win! i love that about each other, they are each others biggest champions!

As someone who works in public health, i freaking love that the Korean Vegetable Association held this! LETS GOOOO!!!

Mom standing there with popcorn! Girl, gimme some that bag is huge.

I hope this episode is the Dan-ho and Mo-eum show! I love my babies! <3

Tell me the truth, why in the heck are you so against this??explain?? i need to know unless i am dumb and missed it. WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN TO MY YEON-DU?? WHY!!!

he said i can't quit you! (southern drawl)

oh, so we are fighting her mom now? oh wtf, this is uncalled for! we do not call my girl Yeon-du pitiful!!

decrease your work load? pray tell? GETTING MARRIED????? OH LORD. i just know this is gonna get messy.

the ta-da has me rolling, seung-hyo, the comedian you are

okay the advice she is giving is actually solid..... hmm, i have reservations. okay she is apologizing i think? whew.

BESTIE TIME!! HELL YEAH!!

"why does your story have so many twists and turns?" pot meet kettle. not the SPIT TAKE!!

seung-hyo looks soooooooooooo good in that blue striped shirt. blue is your color sir!

oh yes! dan-ho and seung-hyo guy time! now tell him you love mo-eum! right now! ugh they are talking about house improvements for the community, i'll let it slide.

oh fuck yes, getting to the good bits. i love meddling and matchmaking (when it's fun) - the acting of 'surprise' this is fucking hilarious.

"Im not an entertainment reporter but that was terrible" TELL THEM!

OH MY GOD THIS KISS !! SCREAMING!! not the getting up because he cant take it. "why did you stop?" LMFAO. these two. i will die.

okay that confession was so sweet 😭😭

reconnaissance on the snack shop, i love it - omfg wait mom is there? they are staking the place out! that's right queen, know thy enemy! awh shit, it's good.

aw, he is so down. this is breaking my heart. the reality of it all.

oh yes i love this! support her to get NerTube famous 😎

not the most beautiful person comments. BYE

i s2g he better be recording this because that was fucking cute

damn it he wasn't - a crime. 😤

not the brother hitting her with the "don't fall for me" - lmfao

not her buying mom bread since she is gonna continue seeing dan-ho!! damn right!

i get she is saying its going to be a heavy load taking on a child... but jfc can we have a normal conversation about this?

everything she wants Mo-eum to have? why in the fuck can't she do that with Dan-ho? and Yeon-du? AM I MISSING SOMETHING?

huge compliments to the writer for seok-ryu's parents arc. it's so real and i really do like their marriage, especially with the flaws they have as humans. 💗and the CUT TO THEIR WEDDING PHOTO?

me when i realize it's proposal day:

will it go well? lmfao absolutely not. it's only episode 14!

bahahah everything going wrong today, oh this is gonna be good. we got shower not working, burning with the iron! oh is this perhaps a sign? SIR?

ugh the cost of trips like these -- we gotta be firm about the budget friends! <3

my boys getting drunk again! uh oh!

ooooo fancy flowers! I do love those blooms <3 oh girl is not read for this at all.

PRO TIP FOR ANYONE PROPOSING TO SOMEONE THEY LOVE: the moment of a proposal can be a surprise, but the proposal itself should not be!

the CAR ACCIDENT LMFAOOOO - i do love that hes like we can fuck off and go to the hospital.

aw bringing her to the building he designed is so cute! oh this man is trying to drop fucking HINTS.

THIS MANS WIFE IS IN LABOR? AND HES HERE? OMFG WTF.

"I still have a chance" - brother no please cut your losses now. the universe is sending hints for a REASON.

and he trips. phenomenal.

oh she's offering to pay for the cruise? I know she is gonna do the 'noble thing', but queen. take the free trip. TAKE IT. of fucking course she is gonna lash out. please stop, right now. SToP FiGhTING!

oh fantastic lol, right when seok-ryu and seung-hyo's relationship is going up, their parents start fighting.

literally sobbing over the comment. fuck man that is so sweet.

i love seok-ryu's heart and desire for cooking and making videos. gosh its beautiful.

wait what the fuck im dying the proposal is actually sweet. andshe is gonna say..... no.... oh a fancy bracelet?? WHAT?

"I can't marry you" wait why can't? ma'am! but also sir did need to come down from reality.

"REJECTED SAYS WHO?" ME BITCH LOL.

I love how sad his voice when he said Dan-ho's name. besties 4ever!

alright Dan-ho, it's your time to give advice. knock him down a peg, he needs it. damn it, no Dan-ho don't do the hungry bit. you dumb dumb.

now the men are meddling, this is fucking everything to me. i love this friendship.

my little FAMILY WALKING TOGETHER!!! gosh i love the three of them. oh the flashback for the shoe laces, aw <3

i am going to combust, my gif queens someone please do the scene of the three of them walking <3

oh that god she got over it! yay! family dinner!

the way he slinks in to the snack shop LMFAO

lol the way they are both so PEEVED!!! HAHAH "this is betrayal!"

my man is drunk again at the stand and she is calling him out for it!! i like this stand owner!

we back at the bench. where he said his parents dont think of him. and now we are here due to the rejection! oh goodie!

well at least we are asking directly. because i want to know too!

NOT THE COOKING ROMANCE REFERENCES!

"you are my sesame oil" this lil drunkard

the housing references now omg ow.....

"why do you think we would live long lives" -> awe fuck girl, not because you are scared about getting sick again!!! wtf!!!

"Life is finite and death is inevitable" thanks seung-hyo, i already cried today

"there is one thing I can tell you for certain. I want to spend my life with you" alright okay these people

OH THANK GOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!! <3

the "one hundred years, ten years, one day, it has to be with you"

OH FUCK SHIT THEY ARE FOUND OUT aJGLDFAGKJADFG

the thunderclap BAHAHAH

oh we in it now friends

LOL it's gonna get feisty. But I must know now, will Mo-eum go to Antarctica??? HELLO?? I'll wait, it's fine.

#kdrama #heidi watches #love next door #lnd

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taintedcigs · 10 months ago

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LET ME START W THIS: im cursing you for that photo choice (even though i said u should pick that one idc im cursing you ANDY MUNSON-HARRINGTON)

But most importantly, you had him. Eddie was there. Eddie was there for you, every step of the way. He never left, not even on your worst days. He was there, he was always there and he stayed. STOP IM ALREADY FEELING SOOO GIIDDDDYYYYY.

Eddie always just wanted you to be happy. OFC HE DID OUR SWEET LITTTLLLE BABY BOY.

His face is not only soaked from the rain, it’s also soaked with tears. His eyes are red and glassy. His bottom lip is trembling. His body is shaking and you don’t know whether it’s from the tears or the cold rain. He is barely standing and as you take a step closer, you can smell the whiskey in his breath. OH NVM IM ALREADY CRYING WTF

Your words seem to make it even worse though, his body starts shaking even more as soft sobs fall from his lips. He grabs the material of your sweater so tightly, mumbling incoherent words into your neck. WHAT THE HELL ANDT TAKE IT BACK. DELETE IT. ERASEEE IT.

“I-I ruined everything,” he sobs into your chest. “I ruined you, I broke your heart, I broke you,” he slurs. “I-I was.. I found your note, I never read it. I never said I love you, I just, I didn’t say it back, I didn’t say I love you, I didn’t– I put it away, I didn’t read it until now.” im already killing myself. GOODFUCKING BYE. OUCH OUCH OUCH.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers, reaching his hands up to grab your wrists. “I’m so sorry for everything I did to you, dolly.” OMFG. DOLLY GETS TO ME EVERY FUCKING TIME THIS IS HORRIBLE STOP I SAID STOP.

“Do you want to take a warm shower?” You ask, putting your hands on his cold arms. “You’re freezing, Steve.” IM CRYINE THEY'RE SO CUTE NOW. WHAT ARE U DOING TO ME U DEVIL WOMANANDY.

“No, please don’t leave me.” OKAY ENOUGH. ENOUGH. I WILL DIE. YOU WANT ME TO PERISH. U WANT ME TO TURN INTO DUST.

“I don’t deserve you, fuck. I don’t deserve you– and you don’t deserve me. You don’t deserve someone like me, you don’t deserve how I treated you, you don’t deserve how I made you feel, you don’t deserve the pain I made you go through, because you’re so good, and so perfect, and I destroyed that.. I destroyed you.” His voice is so shaky, his tears won’t stop falling, neither do yours. But he wipes them away softly. ENOUGH. ENOUGHHHH I SAID. ENOUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I AM KILLING MYSELF AND THAT IS FINAL.

You tell her everything – from the sweetest note, to your overthinking, to all the fights she never knew about, to Nancy, to Tina’s Halloween party, to Eddie… You tell her absolutely everything. cheer's mom getting a 87 page lore in five minutes. she must be CONFUSED AS HELL

CHEER'S MOM IS SOSO SWEET AWHBHGHG. I LOVE HER N LOVE HOW ENCOURAGING & SUPPORTING SHE IS STOOOOWPPPPP

“You are living again.. and god, I want to hate him for it but.. how can I when he saved you from the pain I put you through?” im killing. myslef. sim collapsing. totheground. i am . i am.

If Nancy never stepped into his life. If Eddie never stepped into your life. MANNNN THIS PART GOT TO ME SO BAD. I TOLD YOU. RIGHT PERSON. WRONG TIME. GODFUCKINGDAMMIT.

“You’ll be happy with him. He will make you happy,” he says confidently because he knows that he will. “And if not, well, then I’ll take you back to that treehouse and I’ll marry you again.” i don't like you andy. you hurt me. YOU HURT ME ANDY. YOU HURT ME. YOU!!! ARE!!! HURTING!!! ME!!!!!

This is the hardest thing he will ever have to do. “Goodbye, Dolly.” sewerside. sewerside. sewerside. crying gif. ugly crying breajing down falling to my knees and melting into the floor and exploding and just being dust particles gif.

It’s over now. Is it over now? i had to squeeze in one taylor joke at this depressive ass review. im sorry my jokes are dead.

“Please don’t become a stranger again, Steve.” PLEASE DONT EVER BECOME A STRANGER WHOSE LAUGH I COULD RECOGNIZE ANYWHEREEEEE

You know you won’t truly lose him. He will always be your Steve. And you will always be his Dolly. But it won’t ever be the same. You will be his friend and he will be yours and that’s all you’ll ever be. You won’t be sad forever and neither will he. He will find love after you. He will find it like you did. It’s what he deserves. It’s what you both deserve. actually yes he will find love. he will run into eddie and cheer years from now and then him and eddie will get a long a bit better, sure they'll bicker at first, but then that bicker will turn into hot long passion and then all three of them will fu-

THE BRACELETS SOOO CUTE ANDY OMFGGGG

“I’ll see you around.” “Yeah, I’ll see you around, Steve.” WHY DID THIS ALSO MAKE ME TEAR UP.

OH ANDY THIS WAS A DISASTER. WELL NOT THE CHAPTER BUT THE ANGST OF IT ALL OFC. YOUR WRITING IS PERFECT. CHEFS KISS. AS ALWAYS. MAKING ME SOB. SNOT AND ALL. NOT COOL ANDY. NOT. FUCKING. COOL. I WANNA DIE. I HAVE DIED DEAD. but it does feel peaceful in a way? if that makes sense??? bc like at least THEY HAD THEIR CLOSUREEE. and now both of them get to be happy, steve gets to find himself. and cheer and eddie decide to explore their relationship. UGH. my heart hurts but its also happy in a way yk?!? and like i always said: im with you till the eeeennnd of the line. it's your story. its your hobby. its your writing. whatveer you write i will love because its amazing. and dont change ANYTHING for any entitled asshole bc this STORY IS A MASTERPIECE. and if anyone says anything i will be ready w my assassin skills. ok bye LOVE YOU.

I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss | part 29

Warnings: major angst, hurt/no comfort, mentions of an ED. get your tissues out, brace yourself for some pain. I cried and so will you. I'm so sorry for this.

Pairings: Steve Harrington x fem!reader | Eddie Munson x fem!reader

Summary: Steve shows up at your doorsteps and you take care of him, the way you always did.

Word count: 10.5k+

A/N: shoutout to @hellfire--cult for helping me with this, I couldn't do this without you Roe, I would've given up, this was so hard for me to write. I need therapy now. Also thank you to my sweet angel bff @taintedcigs for being there for me while I was losing it, you're both real ones

To make this even sadder, listen to the 1, the last time, betty, the outro of all too well by Taylor Swift. Oh and Scott Street by Phoebe Bridgers. Thank me later.

series masterlist

It’s still pouring, the rain is still rolling down your closed windows and the lightning continues to crash through the sky. You can’t fall asleep. You’ve been trying to since you came home, but you can’t. You thought a hot shower would help make you tired, but it didn’t. Now you’re laying in your bed, staring at the ceiling.

You are too giddy to fall asleep. Your heart is still racing. Your skin still feels on fire. You can’t even fight the smile off your face. You feel his hands on your body, his lips on your skin, him. You regret not letting him come home with you. Your bed has never felt emptier. You turn to look at the telephone on your nightstand, contemplating giving him a call but you decide against it when you take a look at the clock, it’s 3am. He must be sleeping already.

Your eyes fall on the picture that wiped the smile off your face when you walked into your room earlier. A sigh falls from your lips. You need to talk to him. You need to talk to Steve.

This night has changed everything.

Your feelings have changed. They have evolved into something even bigger. You have been aware of your feelings for Eddie for a while now, but you never let them out completely. You were too afraid, too scared to get rejected, too scared to lose him because you once again, couldn’t stop yourself from falling for your best friend.

Your best friend who wants you just as much as you want him.

Your stomach flutters and a smile tugs at your lips – your lips that are still tingling from the feeling of all the kisses. You touch them, closing your eyes as you picture him, the way he held you, the way he said your name, the way he couldn’t get enough of you, the way he was so proud to call himself yours. He’s been dreaming about this, he’s been dreaming about you for months.

You never thought that you could feel this way again. You never thought that you could smile again at the thought of someone else. You never thought that you would love again.

Not after him.

Steve had shattered your heart in a million pieces. He stripped you of your powers. He took everything away from you. He made you doubt yourself and everyone around you. You suffered for weeks and months, not knowing how to keep going, not knowing how to get out of bed every morning. You stopped eating. You stopped reading. You lost your joy in the things you used to love doing. You felt so lost and hopeless but you forced yourself to keep going. It felt like learning how to walk again.

But you weren’t alone, you had the people who cared for you.

But most importantly, you had him. Eddie was there. Eddie was there for you, every step of the way. He never left, not even on your worst days. He was there, he was always there and he stayed.

Your heart skips a beat and your chest fills with warmth when you think of all the times he cheered you up and gave you a shoulder to cry on. When he took care of you despite you not asking him to. He stopped by the coffee shop every morning to get you a coffee and some breakfast, sometimes he came late to school because of it but he didn’t care. He’d take you out to the diner, knowing that you haven’t been eating, he brought you your favorite snacks for movie nights. He knew you were struggling to eat and he did everything to help you without pressuring you to talk about something that he knew would make you uncomfortable.

He gave you the reassurance that you needed.

He took care of you in ways no one else ever did.

And he never asked for anything back either.

He just did it because he wanted to, because he cares about you, because you mean something to him, because you always meant something to him, because you were always something more than a friend to him and he always wanted what’s best for you. All while watching you pine after a guy who broke your heart. He even gave you hope that maybe, you and Steve could find your way back to each other someday – all just because he wanted you to be happy.

You don’t know what comes over you, but tears well up in your eyes.

Eddie always just wanted you to be happy.

You sit up, no longer wanting to wait for the next day to come, you need to see him now.

You throw the cover off your body, your bare feet hit the soft carpet. Your hair is still a little wet from the shower you took but you couldn’t care less. You turn on the light on your nightstand before you rush over to your closet and pick out a sweater, not bothering to change into jeans or a skirt, you leave your plaid pajama pants on and throw the black sweater over your head.

Your heart is pounding in excitement when you think about how he kissed you before you left, how he didn’t want to leave, how he wanted more and more. You can’t wait to do it again. You can’t wait to pull him into a kiss, to hug him, to tell him what you should’ve told him a long time ago.

You take a look in the mirror, smoothing out your hair a little, you put perfume on your skin before you turn around and leave your room, slowly creeping down the stairs, not wanting to wake your mom. You leave the light off as you slip into your Vans, you grab your car keys and you open the door, about to step into night but the smile that was lingering on your face fades away so quickly when you find Steve on your doorsteps.

Steve who was just about to ring the doorbell.

Steve who is soaked from the rain, despite driving here. You can see his BMW in your driveway. How long has he been standing out in the rain?

It takes you a moment to realize the state he is in.

Your heart drops to your stomach when you realize that he drove here drunk.

“Steve?” You whisper as though in disbelief.

What is he doing here at 3am? Why is he crying?

Drops of water roll down his face, his hazel eyes are filled with pain as tears continue to fall from them.

He says your name with a pained voice, shakily and sadly.

“I-I needed to see you.”

Your heart breaks at the trembling in his voice.

You furrow your brows, looking him up and down in concern.

What happened to him?

“Dolly, I’m so– I’m so sorry,” he slurs as a sob falls from his lips. He loses his balance and stumbles forward, almost crashing to the ground, but you catch him, wrapping your arms around his waist and holding him up as best as you can. He instantly latches onto you, pulling you against him and holding you tightly.

You blink in confusion, your heart starts pounding faster.

He is crying, he is still crying, holding you tighter than before as he buries his face in your neck. You let him. Despite the confusion that is rushing through you, you let him hold you like this for a moment, only letting go to close the front door and taking the keys from his hands, before you wrap your arms around him again. The rain is soaking through your clothes, his tears are falling onto you, he is holding you so tightly, like he’s afraid to let you go.

“It’s okay,” you whisper as you rub his back, not knowing what else to do.

Did he get into a fight with his dad again?

“I got you, Steve.”

You feel so helpless, not knowing what to do or what to say, so you just hold him.

This happened before, him showing up at your house in the middle of the night, drunk out of his mind with tears streaming down his face, he collapsed into your arms the moment you opened the door, rambling and slurring out words. You later on found out that he had gotten into a fight with his dad about his grades and his future.

But that wasn’t all, you just don’t know the rest of the story, Steve never told you about the things his dad had said to him – how you would leave if he didn’t get his shit together, how you would go off to college by yourself and learn how to live without him, how he would stay back in Hawkins while you would live your life somewhere else without him.

He is sobbing quietly, keeping his face buried in your neck, melting further into your arms.

“Steve,” you whisper as you rub your hand up and down his spine. You longingly look at the keys you’re still holding, a soft sigh falling from your lips. You won’t see him tonight. “Come on.”

“N-No,” he mumbles, thinking you want him to leave.

“Let’s go upstairs, Steve.”

You let go of him and grab his arms softly, trying to move back.

He sniffles as he loosens his grip on you, leaning back, he looks at you through his glassy eyes. He takes in the sight of your face, taking a moment to look at you.

You don’t know what’s going on in his troubled mind but his eyes tell you that he is suffering, and looking at you, makes him cry even harder. Though this time, he presses his lips together, trying not to sob.

Your own eyes fill with sadness the longer you look at him. You move your palm down his arm, taking his hand, you hold it tightly as you lead him towards the stairs. You drop both yours and his keys on the counter, taking another sad look at them before you turn to Steve, making sure that he doesn’t stumble again. He is taking slow but shaky steps, holding your hand tighter than before.

You look up, hoping that you didn’t wake your mom.

You step into your room and you close the door after he walks in, noticing that you forgot to turn off the light earlier.

His sniffles quiet down and you think the worst is over, that he calmed down after letting his tears fall, the tears that he probably kept in for way too long. Steve rarely ever cries or breaks down, he hates it, he hates being vulnerable. So, he keeps it in and he lets all his emotions pile up until there’s no space left.

A look around your room, a glance at a picture of you and him, and the closed window is enough to make him cry again. He lets go of you and hides his face behind his hands.

You feel so lost and don’t know what to do. Not even the worst fight with his dad resulted in this. Your own eyes well up with tears, your heart breaks at the sound of his cries. He once again, collapses into your arms the moment you take a step towards him, this time you lose your balance and your knees buckle causing you both to fall. You drop to your knees as he does too, still holding onto you, tighter than before if that is even possible. He wraps his arms around your waist, burying his face in your chest this time.

“Steve,” you whisper shakily, on the verge of breaking down yourself when he clings to you like he never did before. You know it must be bad.

He feels your hand running down his back, cupping the back of his head, trying to calm him down as you do your best to comfort him. He breathes you in, something that makes his heart shatter even more.

Oh.

Now you understand.

You furrow your brows and your eyes blur with tears.

It doesn’t break your heart to find out that he never read that note, it didn’t matter anyway, he dumped you the next day. You got your answer. But your heart hurts for the girl you once were. The girl who loved him so unconditionally. The girl who cried herself to sleep after each fight. The girl who just wanted him to love her back.

You swallow the lump in your throat and tighten your hold on him.

“It’s okay, Steve.”

He shakes his head and he pulls back a little, looking at you with his sad eyes.

You nod before he can protest. You let go of him to cup his cheeks, trying to wipe the tears, but they keep falling and falling.

“It’s okay,” you whisper, trying to convince him but his hazel eyes look back at you so brokenly.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers, reaching his hands up to grab your wrists. “I’m so sorry for everything I did to you, dolly.”

You shake your head, opening your mouth to speak but he cuts you off, not letting you.

“Please forgive me,” he cries.

“Steve..” You frown, trying to catch the tears that keep escaping his eyes. You forgave him already. You forgave him because you never wanted to lose him. The past cannot be erased, not even if you were pained or happy, so the only thing is to look forward, and you don’t want to lose him in the future. He needs to understand that but no matter what you say now, he won’t listen.

“Dolly, you don’t understand.” As he says these words to you, he looks at you with pleading eyes.

You shake your head, a pained expression taking over your face.

He opens his mouth to speak when a knock on your door interrupts him. You tear your eyes away from him, looking at your door, startled.

Your mom’s voice sounds through the hallway as she knocks on your door again, “is everything okay?”

“Y-Yeah, hold on!” You call out to her before you turn back to him. Moving your hands down to his arms. “Come on, let’s get you up.”

He doesn’t protest, instead he takes your hands and stands up with you.

You lead him towards your bed and push him down, placing your hands on his shoulders, you look into his eyes, “I should go talk to my mom, she’s probably worried about the noises.”

He sniffles, nodding at you.

Before you can move away, your door opens, the light in the hallways shining into your room. You’re met with your mom’s concerned eyes, she looks at you first before her eyes find Steve’s figure sitting on your bed. Her eyes widen and she gasps as she takes in the sight of him.

“Steve, honey, you don’t look good, are you okay?”

That only seems to make him sadder. No sounds escape him but the tears fall even harder than before and the urge to break down yourself feels stronger than ever.

Your mom looks just as helpless as you do, you may not talk to her about your feelings but she can read you like an open book, and right now, she can see how much you’re suffering too.

“We’re okay, mom. I-I got this, you should go back to sleep.”

She hesitates. Looking at you with worried eyes.

You nod at her, pleading with your tear filled eyes.

She sighs, face falling a little. You feel bad for shutting her out but she had enough to deal with herself in the past few years, she shouldn’t deal with your problems now too.

She nods at you, taking another look at Steve before her eyes meet yours again, “let me know if you need anything.”

“I will, mom.”

She closes the door, leaving you alone with him.

You close your eyes for a moment, taking a deep and shaky breath, trying to fight the tears.

He is still holding your hand and crying his eyes out.

You take a look at him and suddenly feel like throwing up because of the overwhelming pressure in your chest. You can’t take this.

He looks up at you, tears rolling down his red cheeks, he looks so heartbroken and you can’t stand to see him like this. It hurts so bad. It fills you with so much sadness but also with anger because none of this would have happened if he wouldn’t have changed his mind about you.

“Let’s get you out of these clothes, you’re gonna get sick if you stay in these any longer.”

You turn around, letting go of his hand, you walk to your closet and open the door, taking out the box that you’ve been meaning to give him back months ago. You take the lid off and rummage through it until you find what you’re looking for, one of his old shirts. The whole time, you’re biting back tears, not wanting to cry. It’s hard not to when you have to face him again.

Why does he have to begin this over and over again?

You’ve been here before. You’ve done this time and time. You forgave him already, you gave him a second chance, you were ready to move on.

Why does he have to do this now?

He is staring at you with a sullen look in his eyes, there is so much sadness, so much pain and heartbreak in the eyes you used to love so much.

“Here,” you whisper, placing the shirt on your bed, beside him. “Take your shirt off, Steve.”

He can barely see through his vision, his bottom lip is trembling, his hands are shaking, his whole body is shaking from both the coldness that is seeping through his shirt and the pain that he put himself in.

He reaches for the hem of his shirt, clumsily.

You sigh and step towards him, leaning down, you push his hands away gently, grabbing the wet material and pulling the shirt over his head.

“Do you want to take a warm shower?” You ask, putting your hands on his cold arms. “You’re freezing, Steve.”

He shakes his head.

“Okay,” you sigh and hand him the black shirt. “Here, put this one.”

“Okay,” he whispers, watching you take his wet shirt and walking into the bathroom. His eyes follow you like the ones of a lost puppy. He no longer feels the tears running down his face, he’s been crying all night, his chest has been hurting badly from the moment he started reading old notes. The way you’re taking care of him after everything that he has done to you, makes him feel even worse.

You walk back into the room a moment later.

He is wiping his tears away after putting the shirt on. You can tell that he tries to hold himself together, not wanting to break into sobs again, but you know that he is struggling to with his emotions in overdrive and the alcohol in his system.

“I’m gonna get you some water–”

“No, please don’t leave me.”

You had never heard him sound so heartbroken, so desperate and scared.

You had never seen him look like this, so fragile and broken.

“Please.”

He takes your hand in his.

“I don’t… I don’t deserve you–”

You sigh, shaking your head as you sit down beside him.

“Steve, stop! We’re friends, we’re over this okay? You need to stop doing this, we talked it all out. I forgave you–”

He shakes his head, catching you off guard when he moves towards you and cups your cheeks.

“I wanted everything with you. I wanted you to be the one so bad. I know we were too young to think so far ahead but.. I wanted it all with you, I wanted to marry you and have kids with you but then I fucked it all up, I ruined everything. I-I don’t know what happened to me, I don’t know what’s wrong with me and why I break everything.”

Your eyes widen in shock, tears you can no longer hold back fall from your eyes and roll down your cheeks. You open your mouth but no words come out. You are too stunned to speak.

You never knew how he truly felt about you and about your future together. You knew that he wanted to go to college with you but that was the only part about your shared future that was mentioned – aside from the promise he made to never stop loving you.

Despite the state of shock that you’re in, you cannot help but cry for the girl that wanted it all with him.

Your bottom lip trembles as you look at him in pain.

“Steve..”

He searches for something in your eyes – anger, hatred, rage. But he can’t find any of it. After everything that he put you through, you still got love for him and it makes him hate himself even more.

He knew what he did to you, what he put you through. Yet, only tonight it really sank in, how much he truly hurt you. How much he hurt that one person that he would give everything for – his heart, his soul, everything.

“I’m so sorry for everything, baby.” His voice breaks and he closes his eyes as he lets his head hang low. Only a second passes, before you pull him into your arms again.

“It’s okay, Steve,” you whisper.

It’s not okay. How could it ever be okay?

He left a deep scar, one that you will carry for the rest of your life and there is nothing he can do to fix it.

He wraps his arms around your body and pulls you in, closer and closer until you’re flush against him, in search of your warmth, he buries his face in your neck. He breathes you in and holds you tightly, like it’s the last time. Enjoying the feeling of your hand running up and down his spine as your other hand cups the back of his head. His lips touch your skin, he is unaware of the marks on your neck. He is unaware of who’s hands, who’s lips have touched your body tonight.

“I’m still your dolly, Steve,” you whisper into his shoulder.

Yes, you are still his best friend.

Still his dolly.

But never his girl again.

You stare into nothing as you hold him, breathing slowly. Your lips are pressed against his shoulder, you tighten your arms around him even when his cries quiet down and his breathing slows down, you still hold him, not ready to let go just yet.

The room becomes silent, so silent that you suddenly miss the sound of his voice.

“Steve?” You whisper.

His head is laying on your shoulder, his breathing slow and steady. You know that he had fallen asleep but you still whisper his name again. When you get no response, you move back slowly, careful not to wake him. You push him down softly, adjusting the pillow beneath him.

Your eyes soften as you take in the sight of him. You scoot closer to him, bringing your hands up to his face, you wipe the fallen tears and caress his cheek. Running your fingers through his hair and pushing away the fallen strands.

You blink, feeling the hot tears burning in your eyes.

The joy in your heart faded the moment he crashed into your arms. Right now, it’s just hurting.

You know why he came here tonight.

Not for comfort. Not for a second chance. Not for forgiveness. No. He came to end things, once and for all.

With a heavy heart, you tear your eyes away from him and push yourself up. You lean down to take his Nike’s off, you lift his legs up on the bed and grab the covers, pulling them up to his chest. You notice the wristband, the one you gave him two nights ago, he is wearing it.

You can’t remember the last time he was here in your room, let alone in your bed. It’s odd, almost strange to see him here.

You look out your window, noticing that the rain has stopped falling. You hear the tires of a car screeching through the night. Jimmy Davidson must be back from college, you think. The jock is the only in town who drives like a maniac – well, besides Billy Hargrove and Eddie.

You take one last look at him before you turn around and leave your room, wanting to grab some water and advil for him. You close the door carefully and make your way downstairs.

You notice that the lights are on in the kitchen. The smell of hot chocolate lingers in the air. Your mom is still awake. You find her sitting at the table by the window, with a magazine in front of her. A blanket around her shoulder and glasses perched on her nose.

You feel bad for waking her up, knowing that she works the morning shift this week. But just her presence alone gives you the comfort that you so desperately need, right now.

She looks up when she feels your presence. She takes her reading glasses off and places them on the table, pushing the blanket off as she stands up, she wastes no second to make her way towards you, the same concerned look as before resting in her features.

“Is Steve okay?”

You nod, swallowing the lump in your throat and blinking the tears away.

“Yeah. He’s sleeping now.”

She knows that you’re not telling her everything, you never are.

Sighing, she raises her hand towards your face, cupping your cheek as she gives you a smile, a sad one.

“Are you okay?”

Tears that you have just blinked away, well up in your eyes again. This time you hesitate. This time you can’t tell her that you feel okay or even good. You can’t hold your feelings back, not tonight.

“You can talk to me. You never do and you always hold yourself back with me. I am your mother and I will listen to you, I’m here for you. So please, talk to me, sweetheart.”

You look into her kind eyes and you suddenly feel like breaking down. You have been holding back for so long, hiding your true feelings, not letting them shine through out of fear that this would happen.

But everything is crumbling now, all the last pieces that were holding you and Steve together had fallen apart the moment you had broken the barrier and kissed him.

You don’t know where to start, there is so much to tell.

So, you start with something you’ve been dying to get off your chest.

“I love Eddie, mom.”

It feels like a relief to finally say it out loud, the words that you kept away for so long are now out in the open and.. it feels right.

You watch for surprise to flash in her eyes but there is none. In fact, she doesn’t give you much of a reaction at all. A knowing look crosses her face, that’s all.

“Is that why Steve was crying?”

You shake your head.

“No. He doesn’t know,” you mumble, looking down. “I haven’t told him yet.”

“Then what happened to him?”

You can hear the worry in her voice. You wonder if it will still be there when you tell her what he did to you. You never told her why he left. You never told her how much he hurt you. You never wanted her to think badly of him, not even after he broke your heart so carelessly.

It feels like the world is weighing on your shoulders and the urge to throw it off feels so strong. You’ve been carrying it around for too long.

“He came to apologize, to ask for forgiveness.”

“Forgiveness?” She asks. “Did you two get into a fight?”

“No, mom.”

She tilts her head, giving you a questioning look.

“Can we sit down?” You nudge your chin towards the table. “It’s a lot to talk about.”

She nods, a smile tugging at her lips. She wraps her arm around your shoulder and she leads you to the table.

You sit down by the window and watch her move to the other side. She doesn’t take a seat though, instead she grabs the blanket and walks back to you, wrapping it around your shoulders and stepping away for a moment.

Your eyes follow her in curiosity.

She grabs your favorite mug from the cupboard and places it on the counter.

You prop your chin on your palm and watch how she makes you a hot chocolate, the way you always loved it, with mini marshmallows on top.

As you watch her move around in the kitchen, you realize how much you have missed this, how much you have missed your mom. This reminds you of older days, simpler days. Days where you had woken up from nightmares and sneaked into your parents room to wake your mom. She always knew how to comfort you. Instead of taking you back to bed and reading you a story, she always took you downstairs, made you hot chocolate and let you talk about whatever had troubled your young mind.

And now you’re so much older and you don’t talk anymore. But you need to, you need to talk about it all so badly. So, you do.

Tears fall as you talk about it all with a heavy heart. Relieving all the painful moments of your life and feeling the guilt of watching her eyes flash with sadness when she finally finds out the truth.

How you cried yourself to sleep. How you stopped eating and pretended to be okay in front of everyone. How heartbroken you were after he left. How unloved you felt for so long. How you have lost yourself after losing him before Eddie stepped into your life. How much Steve changed because of her. How he came back to you. How much he cared about you after all. How much he loved you after all.

And as you finally talk, you can feel the weight getting lighter and lighter, falling off your shoulders but not completely. Not yet. But you let it all out, just like you tried with Robin but this feels different, your mom doesn’t try to lecture you, she doesn’t tell you what to do, what’s right and what’s wrong – she just listens because she knows that this is what you need.

To talk, to cry, to feel.

And when your tears stop falling and you calm down, she wraps her arms around you and pulls you into a tight hug.

“You are such a brave girl. I know you had your friends with you, and Eddie especially. But you didn’t have to be alone in this. I was here. I have always been here, my sweet girl. You were never alone, you were never unloved.”

You close your eyes, ignoring the trembling in your lips and the shakiness in your hands as you hug her tightly, laying your chin on her shoulder. She rubs your back and squeezes you.

In her arms you feel safe and comforted, you don’t need to hide, you don’t need to feel embarrassed or scared. You’re just safe and at home.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, mom,” you whisper when you realize how lost you’d truly be if you didn’t have her. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“I’ll always be here, sweetheart.”

You sniffle, falling silent again.

“You know.. I always knew by the way.”

“Huh?”

“That you loved Eddie.”

Shocked at her words, you pull away from the hug and stare at her with wide eyes.

“I know how to see your emotions through your eyes, my love. I am not your mother for nothing,” she laughs while wiping away your fallen tears, tucking your hair behind your ear.

You roll your eyes with a soft smile on your face.

“And I also knew about Eddie’s feelings. That boy would blush every time he came to pick you up and you would come down with a new dress or skirt. I don’t know how you didn’t see his ears getting all red.”

Your eyes grow bigger, softening after her words as you’re beaming at her.

“You think he loves me, mom?”

She giggles, staring at you as though you’ve gone crazy.

“Someone would have to be blind and deaf to not notice that.”

You blush at her words, though you can’t hide the excitement that crosses your face when you think about him, when you think about seeing him later. You look at each other, as though she can read your mind, you both start giggling.

She looks at you fondly, squeezing your hand.

“You know that I’m proud of you, right?” She smiles. “You’re so strong. You have always been a fighter.”

“No. Not always,” you shake your head. “I didn’t always fight for what I wanted.”

“But now you do, right?”

You nod.

“Yeah, now I do.”

Your mom looks towards the stairs. You know what’s on her mind. You saw the disappointment, the anger and the sadness in her eyes when you told her the truth about Steve.

You know that she isn’t angry at him – she would have been had you told her the truth from the start. But a year has passed and things have changed. Steve has changed. You have changed. And despite what you have gone through, you still love him.

And that is another reason for your tears. Steve has always been a part of your life and she knows that you are afraid to lose him again. You might lose your best friend.

“And do you still love Steve?”

“I do..” You whisper. “That’s why it’s all so.. complicated.”

“Is it?” She asks, giving you a small smile. “Or do you make it complicated?”

You tilt your head, raising your brows at her question.

“You can love them both and they will both be special to you, no matter what. But you can be in love with only one person.”

You let her words sink in, but your heart only hurts more.

You have been here so many times already. You have told yourself that you let him go, you have convinced yourself that you did but did you ever let him go? Did you ever allow yourself to move past it? No. Because letting go of him always filled you with so much fear.

“I don’t want to lose him.”

The pain in your eyes is very telling. The sadness gives away who you are talking about.

“But the love you once had for him is somewhere else now, right?”

You’re biting back tears. And after a few minutes of silence, you nod.

“I love Eddie, mom. I really really love Eddie.”

She smiles at your words, taking your hand, she looks into your eyes.

“You know what you have to do then.. right?”

You nod, getting sadder each passing second.

“Yes,” you whisper. “I just– I don’t want to hurt him anymore.”

“You will hurt him more if you don’t talk to him. You need to give him closure. It’s the right thing to do, and it’s the only way the two of you can be happy.”

“I know,” you whisper, shakily.

She gives you an encouraging smile, “you got this, sweetheart. It’s gonna be okay.”

“I hope so..”

She holds your hand a little tighter, giving it a squeeze.

“You should get some sleep. You can sleep in my bed if you don’t wanna go back there. I gotta start getting ready for work now.”

“Already?” You frown as you turn around to look at the clock. It’s 4:30 am already.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry for keeping you up. You really needed your sleep.”

She shakes her head at you, “no, it’s okay. I’m glad you finally talked to me.”

You smile at her, tilting your head to the side, “me too.”

“Take it easy, okay?”

You nod.

She gives your hand a pat before she gets up, ruffling your hair playfully as she moves past you, making you chuckle.

“Hey mom?”

She turns around before stepping out into the hallway, looking back at you.

“Thank you.”

Her gaze softens, brows knitting together.

“Of course, sweetie,” the soft sound of your mom’s voice sounds through the kitchen. “I’m gonna go check on him.”

“Okay,” you nod.

She gives you another smile before she turns around, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

With a sigh, you look down and reach for the now half empty mug, you pull your knees up to your chest, taking a sip of the hot chocolate as you look out the window.

It’s still dark out, the world is still sleeping, and you enjoy the last moments of this.

You’re not ready for the morning to come.

You’re still not ready.

Steve’s head is pounding, the pain is excruciating. He can’t open his eyes, not yet. The sun that is shining into the room is too bright. A groan falls from his lips and he clutches the pillow beneath his head, squeezing his eyes shut after trying to open them.

He hears the birds chirping outside, he must have left his window open last night. He smells the fresh air, it instantly calms the sickening feeling in his chest a little. He sinks into the pillows and breathes in.

The sweet and floral scent is so pleasant, it smells like you. He takes another deep breath, he smells your perfume, your shampoo, your vanilla body wash. His heart flutters and he can’t help but melt into the warmth of the bed and the scents that linger. He feels safe and comforted.

It takes him a moment to realize that his pillows shouldn’t smell like you or your perfume. His bed isn’t usually this comfortable either.

Steve opens his eyes slowly, groaning in pain when the light shines directly into his face. Hiding behind his hands, he sits up. He rubs his eyes and runs his hand through his messy hair. Turning his back to the window, he squints his eyes as he opens them again, trying to get used to the light.

His throat feels so dry that it hurts and his head is killing him. He can still taste the whiskey on his tongue, it makes him nauseous.

Once his eyes are fully adjusted to the light, he takes a look around the room and his heart skips in his chest, his red rimmed eyes widen when he realizes where he is.

His stomach drops when he finds Advil on your nightstand next to a glass of water.

“Oh fuck,” he groans as he buries his face back in his hands. Dread fills him when he starts to remember the previous night.

The note. The Whiskey that he stole from his dad’s office. The tears that streamed down his face when he carelessly drove to your house drunk. You. He remembers the way you held him, the way you cried too.

“Fuck,” he whispers, tugging at his hair.

He chugs down the glass of water and after a moment of hesitation, he gets up from your bed and looks down at himself, noticing the new– well, old shirt. He puts on his Nike’s and walks into your bathroom to splash some cold water on his face but when he turns on the light and he takes a look into the mirror, he can’t help but feel sick. His eyes are red and puffy from all the crying, his skin looks pale and his hair has never looked worse than it does right now.

He shakes his head at himself, hating his reflection more than anything, right now.

With a sigh, he looks down, gripping the counter tightly, knowing that he has to face you now.

He knows that there’s a small chance that you aren’t home, that you have left. But he knows that you wouldn’t do it while he is here, not even if you’re upset with him.

After washing his face with cold water and using your mouth wash to get rid of that awful taste of whiskey, he walks back into your room, trying not to let the sadness take hold of him again but it’s hard not to fall into the pit of darkness again when he stands inside the room of the girl he loves, the girl he has made so many memories with, in here and anywhere else in this stupid small town.

From good memories to bad ones.

From innocent ones like picking flowers for you at the age of 12 to buying you a bouquet of flowers for your 16th birthday.

From comforting hugs at school to cuddling in your bed at nights.

From first kisses on your bedroom floor to more passionate kisses in his car after every stop at the streetlight.

From making love in your bed to fighting in your room with tears streaming down your face.

He sees the box on the ground, the one that you took out of your closet, last night. You kept his things, just like he kept yours.

Did you struggle to get rid of them like he did?

Did you keep them in hopes that you would find your way back together someday?

His hands are starting to get clammy, his heart starts pounding again. He takes another look around your room before he opens the door and steps out into the hallway.

The faint sound of the music coming from the radio tells him that you are in the kitchen. He makes his way downstairs, ignoring the shakiness in his legs or his hands. The smell of coffee lingers in the air.

He presses his lips together as he takes a deep breath before he steps into the kitchen.

You’re leaning against the counter, your chin is propped on your hand, a book lying in front of you, you haven’t noticed him yet and Steve takes that as a chance to look at you.

Your hand is wrapped around a mug that Eddie must have given you, you told him that he loves Garfield. He laughed about it when you did.

It’s only 8 am. He knows you’re not working today, yet you’re already so put together. Make up on your already beautiful skin, hair done in waves, you’re wearing an outfit you certainly didn’t wear yesterday. God, you look so beautiful that it hurts.

His heart longs for you, his hands itch to touch you – something that he could’ve done.

In a different world, he would pull you into his arms and shower you with kisses, he would hold you, not wanting to let you go. He would make breakfast for you and then you would spend the day together.

But you’re in this world.

In a world where he can’t kiss you or hold you or spend the day with you.

“Hey..”

You raise your head and your glassy eyes meet his.

Another wave of guilt rushes through him. You cried. You cried because of him again.

“Hi,” you whisper as you close your book and straighten your back, you look him up and down.

Steve hates how concerned you look, how worried you are over him.

You take a step forward, giving him a small smile.

“Are you feeling okay?”

He shrugs, trying to smile back at you.

“I’ll make you a coffee, you should sit,” you nudge your head into the direction of the kitchen table.

“Okay.”

He walks to the table and takes the seat that was once his. It’s been a long time since he sat here and watched you.

You make the coffee first, pouring some into a Hawkins High mug. You add two sugars, still knowing how he likes his coffee.

“When’s the last time you ate?”

You place the mug in front of him, eying him with softness in your eyes, something that makes all of this even harder.

He blinks, shrugging at your words.

“Okay,” you sigh and pull back your hair, without thinking. “Bagels or Toast? I’ll make you some eggs if you want–”

Your voice becomes faint, like he’s under water, sinking further and further into the deep end. The marks on your neck are now visible to him, the hickeys that he left. Steve is not shocked or even surprised. He already knew when he came to you, last night. It was obvious, even through his drunken haze, he could see it in your eyes, the happiness that shined in them before you took in the sight of him.

It still hurts.

And it hurts even more to think about you with him, especially in that way.

“Toast is just fine,” he mumbles.

“Okay, Steve,” you whisper, this was always his go-to breakfast after a night out. Black coffee and toast. It’s plain but it’s the only thing he gets down.

He keeps watching you. Eyes following your every moment.

There is so much sadness inside of him but there is also more, there is acceptance. He knows why he came here last night.

Bits and pieces start to return to him. He remembers what he confessed to you, how you held him, how you took care of him, how you comforted him.

He truly never deserved you.

You place a plate in front of him, “you sure you want nothing else?” You point to the buttered toast. You added a few berries on the side.

He gives you a smile, “you know I’ll probably get sick if I eat anything else,” he says, chuckling for the first time today.

“Yeah,” you breathe. “You always had a weak stomach.”

“Only when I drink whiskey.”

You nod, sitting down opposite of him. You take a sip of your coffee and lean back. You look down and reach for the magazine that your mom was reading earlier, not wanting to make him uncomfortable by staring.

Steve looks up at you and he just knows it’s the last time that he will have your coffee and your toast.

It’s the last time he will get to sit here with you.

So, for a moment, he pretends that everything is alright, that this is normal, that this is something you both do every day and for the rest of your lives, that he didn’t mess up, that everything is fine.

He takes a few sips of the coffee and eats the toast, and when he’s done, he takes a deep breath and pushes the plate aside, not looking up from the coffee just yet.

“I’m sorry.”

You close the magazine, sighing as you finally look up.

“You said that already… many times, Steve.”

He doesn’t say anything to that. He only looks up at you, his eyes scan your face, his lips twitch.

“You look happy, dolly.”

What?

You shake your head a little, furrowing your brows as you stare at him in confusion.

“You have color in your skin again, you no longer.. are skin and bones,” he says, quietly. Looking down as his eyes fill with guilt, knowing that you stopped eating because of how heartbroken you were. “Your hair is longer, your nails are painted black– a color I didn’t like you putting on because I was a fucking asshole..”

“Steve–”

He shakes his head at you, not wanting you to interrupt him.

“You wear stuff you always told me you wanted to buy, you started wearing makeup, the heavy kind you once tried and loved but thought it was too much,” he says with a smile on his face, a knowing one.

You see the way his eyes fall to your neck and your heart jumps when you realize what he is looking at. Surprisingly, there is no shock in his eyes, jealousy or even anger, just sadness. He knows everything and it’s not the marks on your skin he needed to look at.

“You are living again.. and god, I want to hate him for it but.. how can I when he saved you from the pain I put you through?”

Your eyes burn with tears.

“I’m done standing in your way–”

“Steve,” you whisper, shaking your head. “Y-You’re not standing in the way.”

“Yes, I am.” His voice is thick with tears and by the way he is blinking, you can tell that he is trying not to cry.

He looks down at the necklace you are wearing, the locket he had put around your neck, months ago.

He knows that there is no picture of him inside and as much as it hurts, it’s okay.

He didn’t come here to fight for you. He didn’t come here for a second chance or to get you back. He came here to let you go. So you could find happiness, the way you always deserved it.

“And I don’t want to anymore. I want you to be happy.”

Your bottom lip starts trembling again.

“And I know that you will be with him,” he says as he tears his away from the marks on your neck and he looks into your glassy eyes. “He would never do what I did. He would never put you through all of this.”

You sniffle, looking into your best friend’s eyes. There is so much pain and sadness lingering in them and you hate it, you hate it so much.

“I never let you go, dolly,” he finally admits with a heavy sigh. “Not at Tina’s Halloween party, not when I came to see you the next day, not after we went to Jimmy’s party together. I never let you go.”

Your brows knit together, eyes that stare back at him with pain, fill with more tears. You don’t know what to say, so you say nothing and you look into the brown eyes you always loved so much.

You never let him go either, that’s why it hurts so much.

Knowing that this is the last time crushes your heart in a new way. You know that this could not only be the end of the relationship you always held onto. This could be the end of everything.

This was always your worst fear. Losing him.

You have lost him before but you always knew that he would come back.

And he always knew it too.

But this, this is different.

And this hurts even more than it did the first time.

You still love him, there is no doubt about that. Steve can see it in your eyes, it’s in the way you look at him, it’s in the way your lips tremble and your hands shake as fear crosses your face. You’re scared to lose him.

How could he ever think anything else? How could he ever doubt your love for him when it’s so clearly written on your face? Even now.

Steve can’t help but wonder; would it have worked out between you if there wasn’t someone else?

If Nancy never stepped into his life.

If Eddie never stepped into your life.

Would you have stayed together?

Would you have broken up either way?

Would you have found your way back together in the future?

Would he have been able to make it up to you?

Would you get your happy ending then?

“I dropped some heavy stuff on you last night,” he mumbles, cheeks flushing red when he remembers all the things he had said to you.

“Oh, you mean marriage and kids?” You ask as a smile tugs on your lips when you see him blushing.

He scratches the back of his neck, scrunching his face up, “yeah..”

You laugh a little, leaning your elbow on the table, you cup your cheek, “well, I never thought that far ahead when we were still together. I mean, I never knew what I wanted for my future but I knew that I wanted you in it,” you say, watching the way he nods at you. “And maybe a cat or a dog.”

He chuckles.

“Or maybe a few cats and a dog.”

A fond smile reaches his face as he stares at you, shaking his head at the thought of all the pets you’d bring home while he’d– his smile begins to fade, it will never happen.

“Well, I’m sure that Eddie will love that.”

Your heart flutters at the thought of a future with him. Yeah, Eddie will love that.

A laugh falls from your lips as a tear finally rolls down your cheek.

“The treehouse we got married in when we were ten?”

“Yeah,” he whispers. “That one. You know I still got that paper ring,” he says with a serious face.

“I do too, I put it in a box,” you giggle.

His eyes light up and he smiles at you, but he watches the tear roll down your cheek and then another. He stands up and he walks over to you, his heart skips a beat when you look up at him with your beautiful eyes. He cups your cheeks, wiping away the tears.

“I don’t want you to cry over me anymore,” he whispers, holding your face for the last time.

“Steve,” you whisper, shakily.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s okay.”

You knew that this was coming. You knew that this had to happen. If he didn’t come to you last night, then you’d be the one coming to him to talk and put an end to this, once and for all.

“I love you with all my heart and I ache for you, all the goddamn time but I don’t deserve you. You should have never forgiven me. You should have never treated me like a friend. You should have never given me the chance to be near you again… not after what I did.”

You grab his wrists, shaking your head at his words. Scared that he will leave you for good. Scared that he will leave your friendship behind and step out of your life forever.

Steve hates to see the way your lips tremble, the way your eyes are nothing but tears, sadness and heartbreak, yet again.

He can’t stand to see it any longer.

“I let you go,” he whispers as he wipes your tears again. “Like you asked me to months ago.”

His heart is screaming at him not to, everything inside of him longs for him to stay, to fight for you, to drop to his knees and ask to try again.

But this is the right thing to do.

There is someone who can give you more than he can.

Someone who didn’t hurt you. Someone who wouldn’t hurt you. Someone who would rather get hurt by you than do something to break your heart.

“I choose you, sweetheart. This time, I choose you and your happiness.”

A sad smile lingers on his face, he brushes your hair back and he looks down at the locket, one last time.

He knows why you aren’t speaking, you’d break down if you would.

He leans down, tilting your head up a little, he presses his lips against your forehead, kissing you one last time.

His throat feels tight and his chest is hurting, he knows that he is on the verge of another breakdown, he is so very close to it.

This is the hardest thing he will ever have to do.

“Goodbye, Dolly.”

Your sniffles break his heart. You only hold his wrists tighter in response, holding onto them, your touch lingers on the wristband, one that he will never stop wearing. You let go after a few seconds.

He feels your eyes on him, your big sad eyes. He can’t bear to take another look at you, knowing that he won’t be able to leave if he does, so he steps away from you, despite his heart telling him not to.

He turns around and he walks away from you for the last time. He grabs his keys that you left on the counter, last night.

With a heavy heart, he walks out of your house, biting back tears as he makes his way to his car.

It’s over now.

Something he held onto since he left you, is over.

And now he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

He unlocks his car when the front door bursts open, startling him. He turns around with tears in his eyes that threaten to spill. Before he can even react, you suddenly crash into his arms, and wrap your arms around him, you hold onto him like you’re afraid that he might disappear if you let go. You hug him so tightly.

His eyes soften and his chest fills with warmth.

He doesn’t hesitate to hug you back, wrapping his arms around your smaller frame, he holds you tight and buries his face in your neck.

No matter what happened in the past. No matter what he did to you. No matter how much pain you have gone through, you still don’t want to live in a world where he isn’t in your life.

After all, he will always be the boy who picked flowers for you, who surprised you with your favorite snacks, who comforted you whenever your parents fought, who slept in your bed when you were afraid of storms, who taught you how to slow dance, who wrote you notes when he was younger, who promised you to be your prince when your first crush rejected you.

You hold onto him, pressing your cheek against his chest.

You stay like that for a moment, for a long moment – one that could never be long enough.

He breathes you in and closes his eyes, ignoring the fluttering in his chest.

He knows that this should make him feel better, to know that you love him enough to forgive him, to want him to stay but if anything, it makes him feel worse because he is still losing you.

He knows he has to walk away, for now.

“I love you, Stevie.”

He smiles sadly.

He knows it’s not the same as it was. It’s not the I love you’s from all your notes. He knows it’s not the same love he feels for you, not anymore.

But the love you always had for him. The love you had since you were kids.

And for him that’s more than he could ever ask for.

“I love you too, Dolly.”

You sniffle, he can feel you shaking against him. You’re trying not to cry.

“Please don’t become a stranger again, Steve.”

His breath hitches in his throat, he presses his lips together, willing the tears to stop from falling.

“Me?” He asks, pulling back to look down at you. He musters up a smile. “I might need some time but I will latch onto you as soon as I get over my whiny ass.” He jokes, despite the pain in his heart.

You roll your eyes but laugh at his words.

You take a deep breath and sigh.

This is it.

This is what was supposed to happen.

It hurts but you also feel relieved to finally put an end to something that kept holding you back for so long.

You know you won’t truly lose him.

He will always be your Steve.

And you will always be his Dolly.

But it won’t ever be the same.

You will be his friend and he will be yours and that’s all you’ll ever be.

You won’t be sad forever and neither will he.

He will find love after you.

He will find it like you did.

It’s what he deserves.

It’s what you both deserve.

“We kinda got friendship bracelets now,” he smiles through his tears, pointing to the wristband as he holds his hand up. You reach out to touch it, tracing the words.

‘love you to the moon and to saturn’

“Well, I got one, you have a necklace.”

You smile, placing your hand on the locket, “yeah.”

You turn it around, looking at the half moon that he got customized just for you.

You tear your eyes away from him and look around, furrowing your brows when you realize something.

“You know what, we should stop doing this.”

“What do you mean?” He asks, tilting his head.

“Saying goodbye in my driveway.”

He chuckles, though it’s a sad one.

“This is the last one,” he whispers. “Of this kind, at least. Our future goodbyes won’t be so…”

“Sad?”

“Yeah.” He takes your hand, giving it a squeeze.

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

He takes a step forward, he leans down and kisses your cheek, not paying attention to the feeling in his heart or the way his lips tingle when they touch your skin for the last time. He gives your hand a squeeze before he pulls away again.

“I’ll see you around.”

He can tell that you’re trying not to cry, that you are forcing a smile onto your face.

“Yeah, I’ll see you around, Steve.”

You can tell that he wants to say more. He looks at you. His eyes trace every inch of your face, like he’s trying to memorize you. And then, he nods to himself, blinking and giving you one last smile before he turns away from you.

You watch him leave.

For the last time, you watch him walk away from you.

You stand there and wait until he is gone, until you no longer see his car in the distance.

And just like that, he is gone, again.

And your tears are falling again.

A/N: I know that no one cares about my feelings cause I did this. But I want you to know that I freaking suffered writing this chapter. It felt heartbreaking and sad and wrong. I really wanted Steve to be the one. And my choice has nothing to do with the fact that I'm an Eddie girl, I love Steve, as well. (I know some of you don't believe this but I've loved him since 2016 so shut up, please and thanks). I didn't know how to make him come back from all what he did -- the emotional cheating, the pain he put her through, the heartbreak, the betrayal. It was too much and this ending genuinely has nothing to do with Eddie being in this story.

But also, please remember. This is not the ending of the story. So before you send any hate to me, remember that there will be another chapter and an epilogue. Anything can happen in an epilogue, just saying.

Also, I'll be working on a new Steve series. Strictly Steve x reader, I promise

@mysticmunson @wroteclassicaly @corrodedseraphine @corrodedcorpses @take-everything-you-can @trashmouth-richie @succubusmunson @xxhellfirebunnyxx @somethingvicked @sherrylyn628 @nemesis729 @munson-mjstan

#andy⭐️#steddie fic recs

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