#LIKE THE THING THAT GETS ME SOOOO MAD ABOUT THIS IN THE STUPIDEST WAY POSSIBLE

[dreamlogic]

a stupid pet peeve about my housemate that makes me irrationally furious is that she always uses these cute little delicate ceramic dishes as spoon rests when she's cooking.

because the thing is, she's a really messy cook. like idk how she manages it, but if she cooks a single fried egg on one burner, there will be a 1 ft blast radius of grease splatters & spices & egg bits around that burner that she never seems to notice & therefore doesn't wipe up. heaven forbid if she cooks a larger meal that uses multiple burners.

so when she uses her stupid adorable spoon rests to keep her utensils from dirtying surfaces, the effect in practice is that there will be a thick layer of caked on cooking detritus covering the entire vicinity, with a perfectly clean 2 inch circle underneath the spoon rest.

and lord help me, the sight of that single tiny dish on the stove top, having utterly failed in its duty except to highlight how greasy the rest of the kitchen is—

[elvish-sky]

Temptation of Regality Part 5: Home Director's Commentary

look at me actually doing this forever later!! i’m sorry this took so long. i decided to do this for the last part because it’s the one that i’m the second-most proud of for this series but doing You’re Here wouldn’t be that exciting cause it was mostly just a crack chapter (that i will defend with my whole soul. anyhoo

In reference to this ask from @bitter-sweet-farmgirl !!!

****

The next morning, you blinked open eyes heavy with sleep. Your head was resting on something firm, and you could hear someone else’s breathing. You rolled to the side, noticing that you were fully on a bed even though you couldn’t remember falling asleep the night before. You sat up and glanced to your other side.

i think the biggest thing for me here was a debate on whether or not it should start from the end of part 4. because i love writing fluff and humor and this was the funniest opportunity, i did!

“Thorin?!”

The dwarf lying next to you shot up at your yell.

“Y/N? What are you doing- Why are we in the same bed?!” His look of alarm was rather amusing, but you were too busy thinking back over the previous night to remember it.

i just have a mental picture of a bed-head, tousled haired, sleepy thorin.

“We didn’t do anything. You got drunk and I brought you up and put you to bed, and I must have fallen asleep next to you.”

“I got drunk?” He looked worried.

i can’t drink and so i don’t know what it’s actually like to be drunk or have a hangover. so this is just my take on it.

“You didn’t do anything embarrassing. You just thought everyone was trying to murder you and hid under a table for a few hours.”

i laughed a lot while writing part 4 and this opening, if you can’t tell.

He still looked embarrassed.

“Seriously, Thorin, that wasn’t the worst thing anyone did last night.” You proceeded to recount Bilbo’s entire handkerchief-related rant, leaving both you and the king crying from laughter.

fair. that was absolutely hilarious. i’m considering writing the whole rant as a a little extra for people. thoughts?

Fili and Kili burst into the room to see you and their uncle falling on top of each other in laughter. Frozen in the doorway at the sight, Fili finally spoke.

oop

“I see things went a little further than expected last night,” he observed with an eyebrow raised.

You quickly leaped off the bed. “I fell asleep here last night, that’s all. Anyways, where were you two all night?”

“We slept in Bilbo’s room.”

Kili nodded. “We wanted to give you two some privacy.”

Thorin threw a pillow at him, and while he scolded his nephews you washed up, emerging several minutes later in your freshly laundered clothes.

“I’m going to go see if Oin will take a look at my leg before we leave.” Seeing the concerned reactions of the three dwarves, you hurried to clarify.

the hurt leg was a tough decision, but i chose it because in part 4 they needed an excuse to go to the inn, because i desperately wanted to write that scene. i knew that Thorin wouldn’t let you go to a town unless it was an absolute emergency and he cares about you and that was really the only way. but i did have to go back and remind myself about the hurt leg, i was constantly forgetting and then writing scenes that definitely wouldn’t have been possible.

“It’s not hurting very much, I just want him to make sure it looks good.”

Three heads nodded in understanding, and you left with a wave.

Weeks later, the fact that your leg was healed was just about the only good thing. After narrowly escaping the goblins, and even more narrowly escaping the orcs, everyone was just about exhausted. Now, on the Carrock breathing in a sigh of relief, you reflected on the last few weeks.

After the night at the inn, Thorin had been colder towards you. You didn’t know why, but it hurt. On the mountain, he had saved Bilbo, and you had watched inside the cave as he checked on every member of the company. Except you.

ok. so i needed to have angst in here but at this point i’d built the relationship up to a certain point where i felt like Thorin couldn’t do anything, and wouldn’t do anything, like insult you or other stuff. which is why i just kinda glossed over a whole lot. maybe someday i’ll go back and write a mini-series exploring that bit more.

He had protected you in goblin-town, but then they all had. It was just his duty to do so. And while the wargs were attacking he hadn’t even spared you a glance, but that you couldn’t exactly blame him for. Still, you had saved several of the company members by boosting them into trees, you would have thought he might have acknowledged you for that.

yeah, Thorin, some acknowledgement would be nice. but in all seriousness, the ignorance was decided on by me thinking about things that would hurt me more than words. and being ignored hurts, and it’s something Thorin would do after being as vulnerable as he was with you at the end of Part 4

And now, watching him hug Bilbo on the Carrock you were jealous. Yes, the hobbit had done amazing things, had saved Thorin, but you wanted Thorin to be hugging you like that. Not to barely acknowledge your presence.

To tell the truth, deep down you wanted him to love you the same way you did him. But if how he had treated you these past weeks was any indication, that would never happen. But you were mad, and the anger clouded your judgment, so you waited until he had finished congratulating the hobbit and stepped forward.

“Y/N-” You cut Dwalin off when he tried to talk as you strode up to the leader.

“Thorin Oakenshield, of all the stupid, reckless, idiotic things to do that was the stupidest, most reckless, most idiotic thing ever.”

and there we go. i was soooo nervous about this confrontation scene that i actually acted it out with myself just to see how my emotions played into it, so that’s how this came to be. i still don’t love the end result, but it’s better than it was.

Everyone looked dumbstruck.

The king looked shocked that anyone was speaking to him that way, and fired back with anger brimming in his eyes. “Y/N, why do you care?”

“You almost died, Thorin! And I love you and the fact that you’ve been so distant lately is tearing me apart, and yet I cannot do anything about it, cannot leave because I care. I was tempted, and I succumbed, and here we are. But I’m just done. If you don’t care then so be it. I can’t go on like this.”

this was so fun to write. i really enjoyed getting to add ‘tempted’ in there, and for me this is a piece of dialogue that i’m so proud of

You strode over to a small rock and sat, head in your hands as you cried. A shuffling sound came close, like footsteps, and you lifted your head to see Thorin standing in front of you. He looked nervous.

“Y/N, I-”

He started speaking and then stopped. It looked as if he was mulling something over in his brain, and you watched as something sparked in his eyes

he needed to have a ‘click’ moment, which took a while for me to come up with but this is it and it think it’s a good one.

He leaned forward, cupping your chin in his hand as he tilted your head up to look him in the eyes.

“If you don’t want me to do this, tell me.”

You stayed silent, gazing up at him, kissing you gently for all of two seconds before suddenly deepening the kiss.

It felt like fireworks.

You tangled your hands through his hair, trying to pull him closer even though there was barely an inch of space between you.

Wolf whistles sounded out around you and you broke apart, flushed, to see the entire company beaming at the two of you from behind Thorin’s back. Except for his nephews, who had their hands over their eyes and were fake gagging.

yesssss Fíli and Kíli always have the appropriate response.

But you only had eyes for one person.

“You love me?” You asked him, hoping beyond hope for the answer he gave.

“Yes. And I’m sorry I’ve been distant. I didn’t want to give you false hope. We’re on a quest, we could die at any moment, but I see now that it’s more important for us to take what time we have.”

You smiled at him. “I love you, Thorin.”

“I love you too, Y/N.”

You stood, and he entwined his fingers with yours as you walked back to the group. You noticed him catch sight of something in the distance, and you walked to the edge of the rock together.

“Erebor.”

this had to end at the Carrock for several reasons. firstly, i wanted room to write a second series continuing this. not sure if i will but at least i have the groundwork. and secondly, because it was important for Thorin to still have a goal, for you to have to continue this quest as a couple and for this story to end with the horizon ahead, for symbolism reasons!

You sucked in a breath as you realized what you were looking at.

“The Lonely Mountain. The last of the great dwarven kingdoms of Middle-Earth,” Gandalf said.

“Our home.” Thorin glanced up at you, squeezing your hand in encouragement.

Looking out into the distance, gazing at your future, you smiled.

“Our home.”

and yay! i was so unsure of how to end this but i still think that’s perfect.

this was a really fun thing to do, i hope it’s what you were asking for and i’m sorry it took so long!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #57

“is there any possibility you'll quit gossiping about me to hide your insecurities?”

when do you prefer to take a shower, in the morning or night?   night, 100% how do you like your eggs?   scrambled, cheesy hollister or abercrombie?   i shop at neither are your nails painted?   my toenails are; chelsea felt like doing them. when was the last time you or someone else in your family bought a vehicle?   nicole got a car not even a year back. honestly, do you see yourself as a slut?   the biggest part of me says "hell no," but that sliver of me that says i'd do things with jason no matter who he was dating makes me feel like it sometimes.  other than that, i have no traits of what we know as "sluts." is there a secret you’ve never told your parents?   yep.  my biggest regret is that i've sexted a guy that was my friend's boyfriend when i was like 12/13 and i think he really started to like me, but i finally cut it off.  i've never and will never tell them that. have you got a hairdresser that you can trust?   yes, her name's kenesa. do you like the smell of bbqs?   no, honestly. do wasps scare you?   omg yes. what is the last thing a boy gave you?   *shrugs* do you often use the term “slut”?   only really to playfully refer to my friends or myself.  otherwise, i will if i feel very strongly about it. do you feel comfortable telling people how much you weigh?   NO do you have any talents that your friends don’t know about?   video editing, i guess. have you looked at any old photos of you yourself lately?   sigh.  on the 20th, facebook reminded me (i already knew, though) that i'd posted a picture of jason and i kissing for his birthday.  i just kinda... stared at myself.  i was self-conscious then, yet looking back now, i looked great.  i was slim, kinda curvy, and just... looked nice and healthy.  not anymore. do you get nervous when you go to the doctor? about what?   yes, because i don't wanna hear about my weight. how old is the last person you kissed on the lips?   he just turned 23 did you yell at anyone yesterday?   tbh i was so worked up yesterday that i was yelling about colleen to my mom while crying. do you think religion should be taught in schools? why or why not?    fucking yes.  all religions should be electives, atheism included, because don't you dare tell me it hasn't practically become a religion.  i believe they should be taught as electives because all involve where you believe you'll end up and also reflect your core values, but i don't believe they should be common core because you shouldn't be taught an opinion coughevolutioncough. is the idea of marriage too outdated for the 21st century?   ... no??? you’re pregnant, who’s the other parent?   well, it'd be impossible.  i've never had sex.  the only person i've done sexual things with is jason, but seeing as dry-humping ain't gonna get me pregnant, and not to mention i haven't even seen his face in over a year, he couldn't be the dad, either. what’s your favorite number?   13, because it actually has a story behind it and it looks like a capital b how would you tell the person you like that you like them?   i've already told him more than a million and two times. who last made you feel shy?   colleen, because she was pissed at me.  i get very timid when i'm being yelled at like her fucking dog. do you think making out is slutty?   no???  if you're doing it with someone you love, why would it be??? is there a difference between love and in love?   FUCKING YES.  i told jason this in the second letter i wrote him, paraphrased: "the difference between loving someone and being in love is whether or not you'd accept the person as life changed them," and i honestly believe that to be pretty accurate.  i mean yeah, a person is going to change by mild degrees throughout life, but when you oath to tolerate and adapt with them, that's when you're in love. if the person who has hurt you the most, said they were in love with you, would you believe them?   i don't know, honestly.  i kinda feel like he wouldn't have left if he was. do you know anyone by the name of lee?   we all know lee from twd rip rip rip i cri do you have any friends from other states?   yep, even in other countries.  glory of the online world. would you ever dye your hair blonde?   i want to dye it platinum blonde at one point, but mom doesn't want me to, so. ever had an internet boyfriend or girlfriend?   no. are any of your siblings married?   my immediate sister, yes. what’s your favorite type of donut?   i really like cake donuts, but i also enjoy glazed and chocolate frosted have you ever had an exotic or unusual pet?   i wouldn't consider a ball python or chinese water dragon exotic, really. are you more logical or creative?   BY FAR more creative what was the last job interview you went to?   pizza hut, i think.  said i probably got the job, never got called back, but i guess it's a good thing after what happened at my last job. what are you currently listening to?   pewdiepie play "resident evil 7".  it looks SO GOOD.  i really wish my consoles weren't broken... has anyone bought you a piece of jewelry?   my mom, my grandparents, jason... do you think it’s attractive for a man to wear eyeliner?   some men, particularly when they have dark hair, fuck yeah. do you tend to slam things around when your mad?   sometimes, yes. do you know anyone who hates/dislikes chocolate?   my grandma, yeah. do you know anyone who is racist?   yes.  it's the thing i dislike most about this person. did your parents ever ground you?   pleeeenty of times. opinion: on medication prescriptions being handed out to ‘fix’ people:   for some people, medication is necessary.  for example, my mother has asthma.  she can't just "wish" it away when it acts up, she has to take medication, or else she could die.  for me, if i don't take one of my medications, my mental illnesses may act up.  what i don't agree with is handing out medication before you truly know a patient's story. were you/are you popular in high school?   not at all.  pretty sure everyone thought i was weird. are you the competitive type?   not in the slightest. righty or lefty?   i'm a righty have you had the chicken pox?   i have not. when’s the last time you chose a bath over a shower?   when i had a cyst, but it wasn't to get clean, but rather to shave.  i haven't chosen a bath over a shower to get clean since i was a child. do you and your best friend look anything alike?   not really. do you prefer drinking water from a bottle or from the sink?   i can't drink water from the sink, it tastes nasty. have you ever done something outrageously dumb?   sure have. what if you had a baby with the last person you texted?   last person i texted was female, and i'm female, soooo...? do you think you will ever get married?   realistically... no.  i'm too difficult a person.  i don't go out to meet people.  so. who do you care about the most?   jason.  it shouldn't be him, but it is. has there ever been a murder in your town?   i'm sure. have you ever witnessed someone else engaging in a sexual act (not necessarily sex)?   does making out count?  if so, i've witnessed ashley's former best friend and her then-boyfriend make out all to hell on the couch. do you get shy when you’re around the boy you like?   not really, no... because he's the only person with whom i feel safe being myself. what's the last thing that scared the hell out of you?   probably when mom handed me the letter from jason. do you think people over thirty should be able to have sex?   ... what the fuck?  duh?  i usually delete questions from surveys that just seem entirely pointless, but this just... really irked me? how do you feel about girls smoking?   the same way i feel about guys smoking, it's gross. do you still have pictures of you and your ex best friend?   i'm sure i do. who is your favorite 90’s musical artist?   omg don't do this to me. do you think that music was better when your parents were young, or now?   definitely when my parents were young. how did you develop your specific taste in music?   well, i was raised on rock and metal and the obvious children songs, but it wasn't until middle school when i developed my taste for metal.  late elementary school, i was getting into rock, and then in middle school i started listening to my mom's cds. do you like any bands from other countries?   rammstein, notably. have you ever sung karaoke? what songs? was it fun?   no, too shy. do you have acne?   thank god, not anymore. do you play any online computer games? if so, what?   i did play world of warcraft, but i may ditch it when i get my laptop back up and running, i don't know for sure. have you ever felt out of touch with reality?   that's almost a daily thing, honestly. have you ever been sick to the point of possibly dying?   physically, no. have you ever had a tooth pulled?   no, but i'll have to soon.  my wisdom tooth is coming in and it's causing issues; i keep biting my cheek with it. did you chew gum in school, even if it was against the rules?   if it was against the rules, no. did you take a foreign language in school?   one semester of latin, four of german. are mondays a drag for you?   it's the same as any other day for me. do you think graffiti is a valid form of artistic expression?   it can be. have you spent much time contemplating your death?   yep. can mere images turn you on? how about words?   sure. do you think that feet are disgusting?   yeah, tbh. who have you hurt the most so far in your life? what did you do to them?   probably my dad, really.  i kicked him out of my life and wrote him a... pretty strongly-worded letter about why.  thank god he's back in it, though. have you ever been physically or mentally abused? how did it affect you?   physically, no.  mentally, i used to feel that way, but i don't think i was. have you ever been in a physical fight? what started it?   no. what’s the stupidest thing you’ve done whilst drunk?   so far, indirectly asking colleen if she had jason's number because i "wanted to be a friend," i said.  thank god she's a good friend, because all she said was, "now THAT is a terrible idea," even though she herself was a bit drunk. have you ever been hospitalized? what for?   yes, four-five times, all for suicidal thoughts and tendencies. have you ever bitch-slapped someone?   no. where did you last go on vacation?   north carolinian beach! do you get horny a lot?   eh, occasionally, i guess. are you a good driver?   not really.  i have severe anxiety when i drive. what’s one health problem you wish you didn’t have?   if i had to pick one and one alone, my depression. have you ever had a pet turtle before?   only ones from the wild, which i acknowledge was wrong, but i was just a kid.  it was always box turtles, and we always ended up releasing them into the small lake near our old house. do you think pug dogs are adorable or just plain ugly?   they're precious! have you ever made out with more than one person in one night?   nope. if you have any piercings, who did them?   claire's, and a parlor in rocky mount whose name i forgot... who last gave you their number?   ummm girt i think. where was your default pic taken?   in my bathroom.  i like the lighting in there the most. have a crazy side?   it's more than just a "side," hunny. what’s stopping you from going for the person you like?   i'm indirectly going for him, but i can't do too much more, unless i want a restraining order. will you fall in love in the next few months?   i highly doubt you can truly fall in love in a few months... have you ever gone to a nude beach?   no, nor would i ever. how many people of the opposite sex have made you cry?   two: my dad and jason have you ever cried and didn’t know why?   sure have. what bugged you about the last person you dated?   a number of things.  i mean, we dated for three and a half years, i'd like to think i knew like... everything about him.  one, this was more of a disappointment than a bugging, but he wasn't christian.  i have been over a thousand times why i want to date a christian over an agnostic, so if you're pissed at me for saying it, go find the explanation in an old survey.  i always had to remind him very frequently to do things like brush his teeth and hair, because he's a dude.  he also tried to entirely bury his emotions underneath logic.  that's just about it, i think. have you ever kissed a brown eyed person?   the only person i've ever kissed had dark brown eyes i could fucking drown in. have you ever had sex with someone the same night you met them?   what do i want, an std?  no. is someone of the opposite sex on your mind?   he always is. do you find space fascinating?   yes, but i also find it terrifying. do you think boys look good in skinny jeans?   some can, sure. do you enjoy being single?   fuck dat. what kind of music annoys you most?   rap, i guess. is there someone you wouldn’t mind kissing right now?   oh, i'd do more than kiss him. why did you go to the doctor the last time you went?   does the dentist count?  if so, just a regular cleaning.  actual doctor, monthly check-up. do you like potato salad?   NO do you enjoy being a tease?   ;v; does it flood easily where you live?   kinda. is it okay if you kiss people when you’re single?   personally, i don't believe you should.  i mean if you're not dating and already kissing... you're going too fast.  besides, you could really lead someone on like that.  establish your relationship first. have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced?   it was pierced for years slightly to the left, and i'm getting it re-pierced in the center hopefully on my birthday. so, like being spanked?   i'm guessing you mean sexually?  sure, if you're not too hard. what are your thoughts on the name barbie?   eh, i don't like it, even though that's my aunt's name. what is one thing you find attractive about the same sex?   butts, i guess.  butts are okay. are you a hacker? if so, what do you usually hack?   no.  i've seen "welcome to the game," motherfucker.  my doors and windows are locked lmao. do you think you could ever decide a tattoo design if you chose to get one?   i have three and have approximately one hundred logged that i'm seriously considering, soooo... have you ever had a crush on someone “too young” for you?   nope. do you shave your legs more than once a week?   hell no, that's too much maintenance for me fam. how far would you go with the hottest guy you know?   depends on if i'm emotionally engaged with him? the last person you had a thing with comes up to you and says “i’m sorry”?   i'd break down sobbing. where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?   not sure the last place jason and i ate out together at... what pisses you off the most about the opposite sex?   perfectly aware this doesn't apply to all men, but they generally seem to be so out of touch with their emotions. if your boyfriend ever hit you, would you dump him?   i'd break his fucking arm, then dump him.  i don't tolerate that shit. everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?   she can't flawlessly cheer me up, but i guess colleen. what’s something you used to collect when you were younger?   webkinz, notably.  i had the most of all my friends and everything, i was a total admit, lmao. do you wax or shave down there?   honestly, i just trim.  i just don't see the point of keeping it bare; it seems like very unnecessary maintenance and it's all natural.  i'm not fond of getting those annoying bumps everywhere when you shave, either.  i get enough from just trimming.  the hair grows back so quickly too, like... sorry, i'm not shaving that often, and if you don't like it, don't go down on me???  lmao dude chelsea decided to wax the other day just to see if it hurt and she nearly fucking cried and couldn't walk properly a few minutes after.  BUT ANYWAY if you don't mind doing the heavy maintenance, that's cool, good for you, do it. what’s something in nature you find beautiful?   can i just like... say everything??  nature itself is just immaculate.  i'm particularly fond of HUGE, old trees, though. what’s your favorite store at your mall?   rue 21, i guess.  we don't have a hottopic. :( does your house have a garage?   no ma'am. do you have any “nerdy” interests?   don't get me started bo, lmao. did you pack a lunch in high school?   if i didn't like what was on the menu, sure. have you ever dated someone who was emotionally or mentally unstable?   not really, no.  he had massive self esteem issues, but he wasn't legitimately ill. would it be hard for someone to steal your heart?   HA, if you're not jason?  nearly impossible, sweetheart. do you sometimes speak in funny accents for fun?   british notably, yes. have you ever gone out in public in your pajamas?   yeah.  in most places i won't, though.  it's very rare. have you ever had bronchitis?   no, but that brings back such warm memories.  when jason and i were dating, he got bronchitis baaad once, and i was so so so SOOO worried.  i mothered the fuck out of that poor man; i wouldn't let him get up for anything but to piss.  and made him kiss me once he was feeling slightly better, because i couldn't stand to not kiss him and i kept telling him if he was sick, i'd be sick with him.  turns out you can't get bronchitis, but you can contract the cold that causes it.  never got it. do you like shopping from sales racks and clearance racks?   of course, everyone loves bargains. do you have a high tolerance for people?   i honestly think i do, because boy can i tolerate opinions.  pretty sure i could befriend a reasonable satanist.  it's just not my place to bash other people for having beliefs astray from mine; that's what makes the population so beautiful, how unique we all are. are you bipolar?   i'm medicated as such and have been told by professionals i seem to be, so. how many times have you been to the er?   oh jeez... seven?  eight? have you ever been to nyc?   i have not.  i'd love to photograph there.