#LETS GO CANON DIVERGENCE FICS SAVE US FROM THIS DESPAIR

[swiftsaltsweet]

Thief in the Avatar’s Estate: Chapter 4- It gets worse

Characters: Rangi and Kyoshi and Yun (plus whoever appears in Rok)

Pairing: Rangshi

Summary:   Yun decides to head off to bed after his travels from fighting with the Fifth Nation. But as he does, he and his bodyguard, Rangi, hear strange noises coming from Kelsang’s room. When they go to investigate, they are surprised by what they find.

(Canon divergent AU-What if Kyoshi was raised by her parents?)

Prev chapter

Other Sites: AO3 and Fanfic.net

A/N:  “Thief in the Avatar’s Estate” aka “The fanfic where I make Rangi and Yun sweat” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) They don’t get to know peace anymore. It’s Anxiety Land for them now baby! B)

Since this fic actually predates “The Hunt for Kyoshi,” the format is a taaaaad bit different. HfK has a new POV every chapter, the early chapters for this one switch sometimes mid chapter. Obvie I have breaks but sorry for the wonkiness, I believe it only affects ch 4, 5, and 7 but yeah just wanted to give y’all a warning. 8U (I know SoK/RoK do it too but it bothers me a bit now since I switched formats TT0TT) It might happen again in the future but eh…..we’ll roll with it.

______

It took all of Rangi’s effort to choke down her despair as they walked. 

Yun was wrong, it most definitely got worse. It was bad enough when they thought they were beholden to some common thief, but a daofei? 

She might as well cut her sacred hair and have the spirits take her right then. There was no way for her to recover from the shame. 

A daofei! She nervously tried to smooth the loose strands of her hair back onto her head. Forget owing her anything, if word gets out Yun was saved by a daofei. He’ll never live it down. They’ll think he’s in their pocket! They’ll-

Yun put a hand on his friend’s shoulder to calm her down.

“Rangi, stay focused,” he whispered. “We’ll worry about the consequences when we get out of here.” 

Rangi took a deep breath trying to center herself. This day had just been the worst, just been mistake after mistake. Nothing had gone right since they ran into Lee. 

Her brain began to play all the highlights of the day. If only she hadn’t tripped when they first confronted her. Or maybe if she sped up at a certain corner, or risked throwing a fireblast into the dense woods. 

I shouldn’t have lost my grip, I had her pinned down and- her brain worked against her, reminding her of the very reason why she’d loosened her grip on her target in the first place. Rangi buried her face in her hands and clawed in frustration, while a hidden flush ran down her back.

_____

Little did Rangi know, Yun was experiencing something similar beside her. Something about that Lee woman bothered him. It made him feel off kilter like it had with Rangi. Well, not exactly in the same way she had the effect on Rangi, his was more on the unpleasant side of things. Something like a dark foreboding.

He let out a small sigh, he should heed his own advice. Calm down, stay focused. One step at a time. So many steps, they’d been walking for hours with no sign of getting out of that accursed forest.

Yun looked at Lee who led the charge, she would move the unique Spirit World foliage out of the way with her earthbending every so often. A long wavy flow of her arm, a form that resembled a waterbender’s motions rather than a typical earthbender’s.

Interesting. Yun thought.

“Your form is fairly unique,” he commented.

Rangi lifted her head up from her face, small fingernail indents made in ten different places of her face. For the most part she seemed to have calmed down.

Lee flinched for a moment but didn’t stop her motions. “You don’t like the way I bend?”

“No, no! I just found it to be an interesting style, for an earthbender, you know?” He put his hands up in a friendly manner. “It just looked like a motion a waterbender would use.”

“You come across a few waterbenders in my line of work. Maybe I picked up a few of their moves. What? Is that illegal?”

“No, just….. making small talk.” He said simply. Really he was just trying to fish for information. Which daofei organization was she a part of? Which ones had waterbenders and earthbenders working in unison? Fifth Nation? Iron Fins? Lotus Blossom?

Hopefully it wasn’t the Fifth Nation, she might not like the news of their downfall of her kin caused by him.

Yun looked at the way she walked. Her movements were more delicate, like they had been during the chase. Her airy way of walking on the dust was well…..almost like air. Almost like an airbender. 

No, no that wouldn’t make any sense. Airbenders were a peaceful lot, there’s no way one would get tied up with a daofei. Waterbending and airbending could overlap in movements, so that must’ve been what it was. 

“Lee, I have a question.”

“No, really? Just one? Sigh, what is it?” It seemed like the past few hours of prodding information from her was wearing her patience thin. A lot of the earlier questions revolved around her knowledge on the Spirit World or who she was/why she was doing what she was doing. The former was met with many ‘I don’t knows,’and the latter met with tight lips. Thankfully, those same lips appeared to be loosening up now.

“What are your thoughts on the Fifth Nation?”

The snort turned boisterous laughter that came from the woman made it instantly clear she wasn’t a part of them, nor did she think highly of them.

“Haha, those flaunting peacock cats? Getting too big for their britches I’d say!”

“You don’t like them?” Rangi interjected.

“In the same sense you don’t like a nosy neighbor, sweetie. Or just a neighbor you have beef with.” 

 Rangi narrowed her eyes at Lee. If it was because of Lee’s comment or for the question she was following up with Yun couldn’t tell. “So you’re rivals?”

“I guess you could say that. But isn’t everybody?”

Yun’s eyes scrunched up. “No, what do you mean?”

“Everyone’s fightin’ somebody about somethin’,” Lee continued, swishing some ground to the side to move a small boulder in the way. “‘If you’re not with us, you’re against us.’ Or ‘You have something I want.’ And so on and so on. There’s only so much stuff to go around, people are bound to fight over it.”

“That’s a fairly pessimistic way to look at the world.” Not that Yun disagreed exactly, with the amount of info he was privy to, it was hard to stay optimistic with all the fighting that was going on behind the scenes. He supposed that the daofei world must work on a minor scale compared to the bigger governments around the world. Which both intrigued him, and disheartened him.

“I’d say it’s just realistic,” she said with a grunt, moving giant boulder out of the way with more ease than any average earthbender would. She didn’t even break a sweat!

Yun wasn’t sure what to make of her earthbending, her styles were all over the place. But one thing he did gleam was that she could move very heavy objects easily. Actually, the way she moved the foliage in big clumps was a bit overkill as well. She didn’t have to move trees and rocks that far away, wasn’t she afraid of disturbing the spirits? Or maybe she just lacked control?

“And you have an issue with the Fifth Nation because they’re too powerful? Or because they take too many resources?” Rangi asked. “I’ve also heard you lot really like to follow the ‘might makes right’ ideology. Afraid they’ll eat you up?”

“Depends on the group.” Lee shrugged. “It wasn’t their power that made it an inconvenience. Yeah, someone having more power can always be a problem. But attracting attention is also a real hassle as well.”

“Yeah, I’m sure a thief would hate attention,” Rangi muttered.

Lee stopped walking and turned on them, annoyed. “And I told you about a hundred times already! I’m not just a thief. If you’re going to call me anything then it’s a daofei!”

“Like it matters! You’re a pathetic, low-life criminal regardless!” Rangi took a defiant step forward towards Lee.

“It matters to me!” Lee marched her own way to the smaller firebender. As she did, she put her hand up and started visibly counting on each finger. “I saved your life outta the goodness of my heart. I’m getting you outta here outta the goodness of my heart, and you can’t even respect me!” 

“Oh great! Two whole ‘goods’ that were caused because you got us into this mess in the first place!” Rangi scoffed sarcastically. “And ‘Get us out’?” We’ve been walking for hours! What if you’re just leading us into a trap? Do you even know where you’re going?!”

“I may not know where we are exactly, but at least I have an idea on which way is better! If I let you lead we’d be in Koh ‘The Face Stealer’s’ territory!” She rudely pointed a finger at Rangi, and in a patronizing voice said, “And I bet you wouldn’t want your pretty whittle face stolen would you, princess? Wouldn’t get far in life without it would you?”

Rangi made a lunge for Lee, but Yun grabbed her. Luckily he got in the middle of the two before they were within arm’s reach.

“Yun, move.” Rangi glared over Yun’s shoulder, about to shove the Avatar out of her way. This thief had challenged her honor, and she wasn’t about to let her get away with it.

“No, you two need to stop. Fighting is going to get us nowhere.” He understood why his friend was upset, as pretty as she was, she worked hard to get where she was. Insanely. So Lee’s jab might’ve prodded deeper than she’d realized. But as justified as Rangi’s anger was, fighting wasn’t going to get them out of the Spirit World.

“Oh it’ll get us somewhere,” Rangi made an attempt to get around him, but as she sidestepped him, Yun grabbed her from behind, locking his arms under hers and pulling her back with all his might. He cursed inwardly at how strong she was. “Back at the Fire Academy, fighting was the best way to resolve a dispute.”

Lee gave a cocky grin at the struggling firebender. “Let her go Lil’ Avatar, this girl is finally speaking my language. C’mon Firecracker, I’ll have you on the ground before y…ou….can-”

Lee took a step back, her exposed skin paling to the same pallor as her white makeup.

“Yeah I’d run too if I was you!” Rangi made another lunge but Yun pulled her right back.

Lee’s eyes widened in horror, “S-shut up.” She whispered oh so quietly, Yun almost didn’t hear her at first. 

“I’ll shut up wh-” Lee took the risk of Rangi biting her fingers off, and covered her mouth with her hand.

“Shhhh! Behind you!” she whispered.

Yun and Rangi slowly turned around to see a very giant and very, very angry looking spirit behind them. It looked like a crossover between a Kanga-frog and a deep sea angler snake-fish. It had the head of the more angler fishy side, and the body of the kanga-frog.

It appeared to be blind, its milky eyes drifting off in all different directions, the light hanging off its forehead acting as a means of detection. Black goo pooled and oozed off of the spirit, giving it a tainted appearance. 

Before Yun and Rangi could think about fight or flight, they were both pulled by their collar and were booking down the forest.

Lee had picked them both up like sacks of flour, throwing Yun over her right shoulder, and carrying Rangi under her left arm. The two were still too shocked by the spirit to even marvel at the woman’s strength.

Lee was running at full sprint, forsaking the floor entirely this time. Having only stayed on the ground floor on the hike as a courtesy to the companions who couldn’t walk on dust like she could.

However, despite her soundless flight, it appeared that the dark spirit was still alerted, as a deafening shriek echoed through the forest. Vibrations of its running soon followed.

Lee let out a string of curses that only a daofei would be accustomed to, “Is it following us?!”

Yun and Rangi looked behind them, and they could see the light bobbing ever so closely.

“Yeah it’s gaining!” Yun yelled.

“Then do something about it!”

“What do you expect us to do?!” Rangi yelled back.

“I don’t know! He’s the Avatar-'' Yun braced himself, for the woman to demand something from him that only the Avatar could do. Fire-air-waterbend or use the Avatar state or something along those lines. All the things he wasn’t capable of doing yet. “-build a big Earth wall or something! Just slow it down!”

Yun wasn’t prepared for that, an earthwall. That was something he could do. He flexed his arms and brought up several pillars of walls. Which got knocked down almost instantly. No matter, Yun could keep bringing them up as long as he had earth to work with. 

“And Firecracker-!”

“Wh-what?!”

“-If he gets too close, light his ass up!”

Rangi looked at Lee and smirked. “Can do!”

She proceeded to twist around in Lee’s arm, grabbing at Lee’s waist and trying to climb up the woman.

“W-what are you doing?!” Lee’s cries came out a little more high pitched than she probably wanted.

“I need to get in a better position!” Rangi threw her left leg around Lee’s waist, and then threw both her arms around Lee’s shoulders, almost like a rucksack. Her right leg was almost in position to attack the spirit freely.

“Well hurry it up, you’re making this harder than it already is!” Lee slowed down from stumbling a bit while she tried to readjust her hand on Rangi’s waist, but regained her momentum as Rangi finally got into position.

“Rangi get the blast ready! I don’t think it cares much for earth!” Yun yelled to her as the spirit kept crashing through each of his earth walls, none of them slowing it down. He tried mixing it up with tripping the creature like he did Lee back in the mansion’s forest, by grabbing it by the ankle, but each time it broke through the hold easily.

Rangi took a deep breath while angling and bending back her foot. Right when the spirit was just a human length away she jutted her foot out and unleashed a giant fire stream right into its face. Coincidentally as she did so, a giant gust of wind flew by, causing the stream of fire to expand bigger and rage out of control onto the spirit.

“What? Argh!” Rangi grunted, trying to get the flame under control, but it kept expanding as the wind mixed into it, feeding off the wind’s power, before suddenly cutting off.

The spirit stumbled back from the blast, at the same time the same blast thrusted the trio forward…..right off another cliff.

“Agh! No, no, no, nooooo not again!” Lee complained as they started rapidly descending, this time it was more controlled thanks to her dust. She was taking giant leaps downwards like you would if you lost control running down a mountain. Risky large steps. But she controlled it all the same.

The landing spot was in a grassy meadow, and the second Lee’s feet touched the ground, she collapsed…. Right on top of Rangi, with Yun crushing Lee’s shoulder.

“Mmmrrrphf!” Was all Rangi could make intelligible.

“Sorry Firecracker,” Lee heaved, exhausted. Yun could hear small attempts of shoving being made against the wall of a woman, but Rangi might as well had been trying to push a mountain with her bare hands because it yielded the same effect. “You’re gonna have to blast me off of ya, I’m too beat to move.”

Yun unceremoniously disentangled himself from Lee, before rolling Lee off his friend. Rangi was redder than he’d ever seen her. Her face bore an expression akin to a mouse cat having been caught falling off the furniture. Total and complete embarrassment.

Five. Yun humorously made a mental note to himself as he stared at Rangi’s flushed skin. That makes five… I think?

“What was that?” Yun gasped out, his arms were tired from all the tough bending he had to keep up.

“A dark spirit,” was all Lee could manage to say, and Yun briefly wondered how a child was able to survive this accursed place. 

“Why did it attack us?” Rangi asked, making a point to have her back facing the two, but Yun could still clearly see the redness still creeping up her neck.

Lee shrugged. “No idea, I don’t think they like humans.”

“So we just need to avoid them?” Yun asked.

“Pretty much.”

“What about other spirits?”

“They can be iffy, it’s best to avoid most of them if we can.”

The trio sighed. Escaping the Spirit World was going to be harder than it looked.

Yun looked at the exhausted Lee and realized the literal opportunity that literally laid before him. “Lee, can you get up?”

“I think I need a minute, sorry. You guys are heavy.”

Rangi turned around and gave her a light kick.

“Ow!” Lee gave a half-hearted moan, it sounded more amused than anything else. “Is that how you treat someone who saved your life twice?”

“Sorry,” Rangi muttered, and she almost sounded like she meant it.

“Oh, that’s good,” Yun said cheerfully as he squatted down next to Lee, a hand on the woman’s shoulder. “Then I guess that means I can have my stuff back.”

Lee suddenly paled whiter and whiter.

“L-let’s not be so hasty,” she squeaked. She made a futile movement to get up, but exhaustion must not have been a lie as she barely budged.

“Oh c’mon now, this is a great time to return my items that you stole,” he gave her his award winning smile. He figured they were probably in some hidden pocket near the arm sleeve. 

Lee, visibly sweating, put one arm over her chest, “C-c’mon, you wouldn’t do something so lecherous, would you? T-the Avatar isn’t a creep! R-Right?!”

Rangi whipped her head around so fast an audible snap could be heard, her expression horrified. Yun stopped his hand, completely confused. He looked at the arm he thought the items might be, and where Lee’s chest was. Back to the arm, and to her chest. Then to Lee’s panicked face, and then back to Lee’s chest.

As if he was shocked by lightning, he took his hand off Lee’s shoulder, and then scurried back a few feet away from her. It was his turn to blush from head to toe in embarrassment. 

“I-I-I’m not a creep!” he protested, sweating profusely. “I-I thought you’d hide it in the sleeve pocket! H-h-how was I supposed to-Why would you put it there of all places?!”

“Girls have more pockets than boys! Sue me!” Lee protested back. Yun wasn’t entirely sure what she meant by that, but who was he to argue?

“I didn’t know! I’m not a girl!”

“Thank the spirits for that!” Lee threw her hands up in annoyance and relief.

While Yun recovered, upset by the dirty tactics, he noticed Rangi was now sighing in relief. A childish idea ran through his head.

“But you know who is?” Yun put out hand, palm facing upward, as if offering something to Rangi. “It’s true it’d be lecherous if I did such a thing, but the same couldn’t be said if it was Rangi now would it?”

Rangi’s eyes widened bigger than a pai sho board, Lee started sweating even more. Yun suspected that Lee knew she wouldn't have such an easy out, and she was spinning her wheels. 

“W-what do you want me to do?” Rangi asked, taken aback.

“You can retrieve the items!” Yun smiled. “I mean, you’re both girls so it’d be fine right?”

Rangi looked like a panicked cat mouse yet again, her face reddening and fanning down her collar. She, however, made a motion to stand.

Lee crossed both her arms over her chest, “T-that doesn’t matter! It-it’d still be dishonorable!”

Rangi stopped her motion and went rigid at the word. The Fire Nation’s core values were rooted in what was honorable and dishonorable. Yun could see his friend spiraling, weighing the honorable and dishonorable actions in her mind. It’s honorable for her to follow the Avatar, but he’s asking for a dishonorable act. But disobeying would be dishonorable.

Yun realized, in his attempt to take the heat off of him, and to tease Rangi a bit, he may have created an unwinnable scenario for her that deeply shook her to her core.

Lee, however, was willing to grab onto anything that would dissuade Rangi, which would in turn twist the knife deeper.

“T-that’s right! It’s dishonorable! You’ll be dishonoring your family! Your country! Your topknot! Your cow!” Lee wasn’t really making any sense as she continued down the list, but it didn’t matter. Every word made it look like Rangi took another physical blow. 

Finally, just as Lee finally ran out of nouns and adjectives that could be dishonored by Rangi. Rangi stood up.

She was stiffer than a statue, her voice was devoid of any emotion or inflection that Yun had ever heard. “It’s been hours since we last ate. I’m going to go look for some food.” Despite her monotone nature, she still bore a slight flush.

She then turned around and stiffly, but hastily, shimmied off into some nearby foliage, and quickly went out of sight.

Six. Yun thought. 

“Wow, she really negative jinged outta here,” Yun sweatdropped, feeling a little bad for putting his friend in an uncomfortable situation, not that he’d planned for it to be more than a joke. He was going to need to apologize…. And to figure out how to retrieve his stolen items some other time. 

“I thought she’d do it to be honest,” Lee sighed. “She seems like a real hard ass-turtle.”

“She is.” The duo sat in silence for a good long time, while Yun pondered over what to do next. “Lee, can you get up yet?”

Lee sighed, “No, still tired.”

“Ok,” Yun stood up. “I’m going to go talk with Rangi, you stay here.”

Lee gave him a thumbs up as Yun left in the direction Rangi went in.

It didn’t take long to find Rangi, she was crouched near a bush full of berries. She only looked up at him when she heard a branch break behind her. 

She held up a handful of strangely colored berries. “I’m not sure if these are edible, I’ve never seen anything like this…..”

Yun shrugged, “They kinda look like forbidden sweets.” He got closer to her and gave her a sheep goat’s grin, and tried to make sure his voice showcased his pure sincerity, “Hey, sorry, I didn’t mean to put you in a crisis. It wasn’t supposed to be that serious.”

“Oh,” she said while she turned her attention back to the bush. “Don’t worry about it, I’m over it.”

Yun blinked at her and then teased, “Really? Huh, you forgive pretty easily. Do you happen to get over crushes that fast too?”

Rangi whipped her head around, Yun was concerned she was going to have severe whiplash at the rate she was going. “Crush??? I don’t have a crush. What are you talking about?! What would give you such an idea?!”

Yun tapped his chin, “I think I recall someone ogling some very nice abs earlier today, don’t worry, I understand. I was looking too.” He winked at her. Rangi’s eyes bulged a bit, possibly realizing she had been caught staring? He slapped one of his own shoulders with his hand, and then rolled the shoulder. “For your information, her shoulders? Very steady too! Oh wait, you probably already realized that, considering you were clinging to her like a spider monkey a second ago…..” 

“You’re talking about the daofei?! No I wasn’t-That’s not-that wasn’t- I looked away!” she finally said indignantly, and then stopped her foot. “Th-that’s all circumstantial! You have no real proof. Honestly! What would ever make you think this?!”

Yun put his hands up, as if he was in a hostage situation, but his grin said he was going on the attack. “The six intense blushes-that I’ve happened to notice- in the past 13 hours make me think that.” Rangi went ridged where she stood, realizing she’d been caught. Yun’s grin grew wider. “Listen, I get it! She’s a very pretty lady, and maybe you’re into the whole bad girl kind of thing-”

Rangi spluttered at him. “I. Do. Not. Have. A. Crush. I carry no attraction for that criminal!” 

Yun sighed, as fun as it was, he decided not to push his luck any farther. “Fine, fine. But if that’s the not reason, why are you so upset-”

Rangi punched the tree behind her, letting her fist heat up into a flame, and slowly ignited it.

Yun jumped back in surprise, “Ah! Rangi what’s the matter with you?! I stopped, so w-?”

“It’s my firebending!” She yelled at him, shame leaking into her voice. She moved her hand and extinguished the flame on the tree, leaving a smoldering hole. “It’s been messed up since we ran into that criminal!”

Yun recalled how Rangi’s flame extinguished when she’d almost caught Lee, but when were the other times? “What do you mean?”

Rangi began pacing in a perfectly straight line, “First, it’s extinguished out of nowhere! And then with that spirit, I lost control! It just started getting bigger and-”

Rangi continued her rambling, she was quickly wearing a rut in the ground. Yun thought about his training on firebending. Firebending came from within, and emotions could heavily influence how the flame took shape. It’s possible she got surprised by Lee earlier, and then was scared by the spirit. The latter, however, seemed so out of character for the military trained firebender in front of him, but it was the only plausible explanation.

“Maybe your emotions aren’t in check,” he offered.

“My emotions are in check!” The girl yelled, in a tone that showed they were, in fact, not in check.

The two sighed and pondered, at a loss. Sure, it'd only been two instances. But both happening under twenty-four hours and to Rangi of all people? It raised some concerns.

It was highly unlikely Lee herself had anything to directly do with it, she was just an earthbender after all.

Wait, Lee! Yun thought with a shock. They had left her by herself for a bit too long, and fear that she may have slipped away coursed through him. He and Rangi decided to quickly head back, foregoing the little foraging Rangi had found.

When they arrived at the clearing, Lee wasn’t there….but a message dug into the ground was.

You took too long. I got thirsty. Found a river this way.

An arrow pointing in the direction they assumed she’d went.

When they arrived at the river, they saw Lee crouched by the bank, her gloves laid next to her as she appeared to be washing her face in the river. A warm fire was lit nearby, with a few strange large fruits on sticks roasting over it. There were also three haphazard earth beds bent nearby as well. 

Yun wondered how Lee had gotten all this set up, it wasn’t like he and Rangi were gone for that long.

“Ah I was wondering when you two would be back,” Lee said, turning to the two. “I figured this would be a good place to set up camp and get some rest.”

Yun’s breath hitched when she fully faced them. She had pretty chestnut skin, with freckles that starred her face as brightly as the stars shown in her grayish green eyes. The only thing that marred her face was a small crescent shaped puckered line running from her lower lip downwards. Possibly from where Rangi bit her earlier. However, it looked less worse for wear since they had last seen her, and he wondered how that could be possible.

He could feel a slight flush taking over, the girl was very pretty. And she appeared a lot younger than her height had let on.

“C’mon what are you two gawking at?” Lee gave them a lopsided smile that turned both the other two teens’ stomachs lopsided too. “I found us some food, let’s eat”

She walked over to the campsite, beckoning them over.

It took all of Rangi and Yun’s strength to snap out of their daze, and follow the pretty girl.

[brazilianchild]

the society fandom rn:

[frogsmulder]

Maybe There’s Hope: chpt 4 Home is What I’ll be Dreaming of

Starting from the final events of 09x20 The Truth,  Mulder and Scully tackle their new reality as fugitives. When they  finally settle into things, Scully finds out she is pregnant again. A canon divergent AU where I thought, what if Scully got pregnant whilst on the run instead of at the end of season 11?

6k words; rated e; tagging @today-in-fic; read on ao3

  "Mom?"

 "Dana?"

The image of opening the door to her daughter's frightened face flashed before her eyes as she put the key into the lock of Dana's apartment.

 "I'm sorry, mom, I don't have much time... but I'm leaving."

 "Leaving where? Dana, you're not making any sense."

Margaret Scully stepped into her daughter's world still smelling fresh like the owner had popped out to work that morning. She half expected Dana to appear around the corner at any moment.

 "I can't say. I don't even know myself. The trial– it's–"

 "Fox. I understand."

Running her finger along the top of a cabinet, she rubbed the particles into the pad of her digit– the dust had barely started settling on the surface. She remembered embracing her daughter, Dana clutching back like it would be the last time she would get to. Maggie liked to believe she had more faith than to believe that.

 "Mom, there's something I need you to do for me because I won't be there and I don't know if I'll be back."

She picked up the envelope on the side; held it firmly in her hands as she took a long look at the room; all the idiosyncrasies scattered about, neatly organized on bookshelves and the mantelpiece in the way that was so Dana. Sitting down on the couch, she sized up the task at hand: pack a life into boxes, for everything must go. She opened the envelope– the lease on the apartment ended next month.

She started in the bedroom, where all of Fox's possessions hadn't been unpacked yet. They were stuffed into the bottom of the closet, hidden away like bad memories. Maggie knew what it was like with her husband away at sea, not knowing when– if he'd be back. But she'd had her children, her friends, her church group, her faith. She may have felt lonely at times, but she was never alone. She knew her daughter; knew her tendency to shut people out when she needed them most; her need to prove her strength. She worried for Dana.

Pulling the first box out, she lifted the lid and looked inside. Scraps of newspaper clippings littered the bottom, disguising a picture frame and what she suspected was a case file.

"Oh, Fox," she sighed, returning the lid and his privacy. She was transported back to her own doorstep again, hugging Dana before she left. "You promise me one thing: you look after him."

In another box were all of his university books, editions of the Lone Gunmen magazine; another family heirlooms like silverware sets, photographs, inscribed books, a velvet box, a pocket watch. Maggie sat down on her daughter's unmade bed: the only sign that Dana had left in a hurry. The pillow askew revealed a knot of cloth, the top of William's baby hat. "Oh, Dana." She whispered like when she had hugged her tighter on the doorstep. "And you let him look after you."

Maggie shook her head. She wouldn't do it. All of their things, they were not things to be thrown out. She took the hat and carefully folded it, putting it away in a box, saving the good memories, saving all of them.

----------

 "Mom?"

 "Dana?"

Dana stood dumbfounded on her mother's step, pinching herself with excitement, relief, and nervousness. She rushed into her mother's waiting arms, finally coming home after what had been an eternity. "Oh my God, mom, I've missed you so much!"

The thud of crashing into the embrace jolted Scully, opening her eyes to the bright Mexican sun beating down through the windscreen of the car. Gasping, she bolted upright, clutching her hands by her thighs, before she bolted out of the door. Stood in the bright sunlight, she caught and held her breath. In. Hold. Out. It wasn't the first dream like it she'd had, but she was shocked every time by how real they felt and how tangible her mother seemed. Calmer now, she looked at Mulder in the passenger seat, drifting roughly in and out of sleep. His eyes opened groggily as he slowly stirred, stretched, and groaned. He offered her a warm smile that melted some of the ache in her chest and watered a different, better kind into bloom. When he stumbled out of the car and over the dusty ground to join her, Scully turned away, looking out across the open land. He slipped his hands around her waist from behind, stooping to rest his chin upon her shoulder.

"You had a bad dream again," he mumbled into her shoulder.

Scully leaned her head defeatedly against his. She turned in his arms and buried her face into his t-shirt, breathing in his warm, sleepy scent and sighing. Rubbing her hands up and down his sides, she huffed and pushed herself from the wrap of his arms. "I thought I was home again," she said simply, looking up at him.

"Yeah, me too," he hummed. "Well, actually, we were in the office and you were throwing paperwork at me, telling me you would chew my ass before Skinner could even get to me if it wasn't done on time."

She might have chuckled but Mulder doubted that she would share her dream so freely, despite his effort to tease it out of her. He understood her need for privacy but he wished at times she would be a little less unforgiving, building her walls twice as quickly as he could chisel them away. Resolutely, he stood up straighter, holding out his hand out in invitation. She queried him with her eyebrows, so he flexed it imploringly. "Take a walk with me."

"Where?" she laughed.

"Anywhere, everywhere." He chipped away at her guard with a smile. "This fine foreign land has many fruits to offer."

"Okay–" she took his hand cautiously– "but not too far."

They ambled awhile aimlessly with no destination in mind. Taking each step at a time, it was pleasant living in the moment with no expectations. The liberation of no judgement from the open expanse drew them closer together. Between them, they spoke in silences, admiring the craggy landscape decorated with scraggy bushes. As Scully walked along, her thoughts drifted like the thin, wispy clouds on the breeze, back to her mother and the home she no longer had. She hadn't told Mulder yet, not because she couldn't bring herself to tell him, but because with all that had happened, it had slipped her mind. Everything she had now was all ahead of her and everyone to the side of her, holding her hand and swinging it gently like a pendulum. Life seemed simple when reduced to its basic measures: food, water, shelter, Mulder. She wondered how long she could live on that.

Mulder's voice broke through the cloud of her thoughts like a siren returning her to the moment. "Tell me what you're thinking."

Scully looked at him, surprised that he could see into her mind so easily.

"You may keep things closer to yourself these days, but I know your thinking face when I see it." He said it kindly but the honesty of his words punched a hole through her gut. She tried to tell him these things but she also had to figure them out for herself first. She only regretted that she'd ever hurt him in any way being caught in the brunt of her storm.

"It's been a month." The words surprised her as they tumbled out without her knowing.

He cocked his head. "What has?"

"Us..." she breathed. Scully made a point of looking him in the eye, even if it stole the breath from her lungs to see him focused on her so intensely. "... living like this."

His thumb shakily stroked the back of her hand. "You're counting?"

"I find it hard not to."

Mulder nodded.

She sighed. "I– I couldn't tell you what day it is, but I... I don't know– have the need to keep a tally; a record of some kind." It was like her body clock was scratching tally marks on the walls of her mind. Like she was a prisoner in her own skull. "I do it to keep me sane but does it make me mad?"

"Sometimes the only sane response to an insane world is insanity," he answered.

"That's not helping."

"Sorry." He paused in thought, taking a breath whilst trudging onwards. "I know what you mean... When Samantha first went missing and I was waiting for her to come through the bedroom door, I used to count the nights she didn't."

Curiosity claiming the better of her she asked, "When did you stop?"

"If I'm honest, I don't think I have. I just lost count somewhere along the way; found other days to count. Like when I was in hiding–" He took her other hand and pulled them to a stop, standing in front of her and looking into her blue eyes flickering with worry. Mulder could tell she would take what he was about to say the wrong way, so he tried to assure her with a squeeze of his hands and a loving look. "Every night I would cross off another day until I could see you and Will again... Sometimes that was the only thing that kept me going."

He felt her tense in his hands anyway, saw her eyes mist up as the walls grew thicker, yet she refused to let the tears spill. He steadied her at the shoulders, rubbing tender circles gently through the cloth of her t-shirt. Bending lower, he brushed his lips softly over hers, pulling her from the pain she harboured. Yet Scully remained frozen, unresponsive to the warm life of his lips, the hole in her gut tearing a little more. Pulling away to see her stone-faced, he whispered, "Scully, please don't do this to me. You have nothing to be sorry for."

She licked her lips and swallowed, allowing herself to sink to the bottom and the troubled waters calm over the top. Moving out of his grasp, she continued on their wander as if she could physically leave the memories behind.

Mulder's hand loosened on her shoulder, trailing down her arm as she walked away. A sharp tug drew him from the well of despair. As their hands met, she held on tightly coaxing him to follow, which he did so gratefully. She stopped them after a few paces, placing a hand upon his chest. On tiptoes, she raised herself to meet his lips, returning his kiss with mellow grace, not breaking until she had to breathe.

"Scull–" he questioned but was cut off by the press of her lips back against his, delicately answering him.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled against his mouth.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," he repeated in a whisper. His hand rested at the small of her back, guiding her as he turned back the way they had come. "Come on, let's get some breakfast."

----------

Along the back roads of Mexico, they traveled for some time before they came across a small town. The one street through it was lined with sand-coloured buildings that glinted in the sunlight, some rising tall, others spread wide. All of them looked welcoming and homely and Scully, gazing out of her window, wondered what it would be like to live in one of them. As they drove past, she wondered about the lives of the people who did live in them. Did they argue about who took the trash out? Did the children constantly ask what was for dinner? Did they gather around a television in the evening with their families? It was a life that for the longest time she had dreamed of and at one point had mourned the loss of. Now, she was indifferent to the idea of getting out of the car, hardened by years of abnormalcy, or so she told herself. Home was just a dream; the car was all she had for a life. Yet still a small part of her dared to dream; dared to envy the people in this town of their families and their homely comforts. And at the same time, she feared that normalcy wouldn't be enough for her.

Mulder pulled up outside a storefront, eyeing the swathes of people moving in every direction. Despite its size, the town was full of bustling people going about their daily lives.

"How good's your Spanish, Scully?"

She gave him a withering look. "You know I took German in college."

"Mhmm, and I did French in high school. Where's Monica when you need her?"

Scully followed his line of gaze to the crowds of people. "Mulder, I don't think we should go in together."

"What?" He whipped his head around to look at her. "Scully, we're fine. Nobody knows us out here."

"I still think we'd be better off if only one of us went in."

"But what if one of us needs help?" he questioned quietly, scared by her sudden urge to be alone.

"I'm sure I'll be fine," she smiled, unbuckling her seatbelt. "Anyway, you need to drive the getaway car."

Scully left him in the car to his own thoughts spiraling with concern.

It was eerily quiet inside the store. The jingle of the bell above the door and the radio playing quietly in the background only heightened the silence within. Scully perused the shelves, picking up odd pieces like cereal bars, bottles of water, and a packet of sunflower seeds. By the counter, there was a rack of postcards, mostly just pictures of the map of Mexico or the flag with writing she didn't understand. She picked one up and thought of her mother who had no idea where she was or how she was. It would be too complicated to send without revealing their location, she knew that, but maybe when she got home she could give it to her mother like documentation of where they had been.

Scully had always wondered what it would be like to go traveling– her father's worldly trips had partly inspired her and she had been raised with what he called the Scully Adventurer's Spirit. Charlie had started his world trip in Mexico, although his journey had been an entirely legal affair. He hadn't crossed into new territory miles away from border control. Scully turned the postcard over in her hands, reminding herself how far from home she was. Yet strangest of all, she didn't feel like she was.

"Do I know you?"

The voice made Scully jump and instinctively she held the postcard behind her back.

"I'm sorry?" she asked, trying to keep her tone as calm as possible whilst blood pulsed in her ears.

A man, who looked to be in his late forties, had appeared behind the counter with his brow furrowed in concentration and his sight set on her. He rubbed his chin contemplatively. "I know you. You are American, no?"

Scully stuttered, unsure of how to answer. "No, I– I don't–"

"Yes!" he interrupted her. His smile grew with his enthusiasm, unnerving Scully more by the second. "I see you before somewhere, on the television perhaps?"

"I'm sorry, I have to go."

Scully left some money on the counter and swiftly weaved back through the aisles. At a brief glance, she plucked a random box of hair dye from a shelf, self-conscious of her entire appearance. If she had to, she would scrub down her skin until she looked like someone else, but first, she had to get out.

The man behind the counter clicked his fingers in recognition. «¡Ah! ¡Cops! ¡Y el hombre lobo con el FBI!» he laughed and shook his head.

Mulder saw Scully burst out of the shop, arms laden with groceries and an expression he couldn't fathom. She crumpled into the passenger seat, quickly stuffing the things into the footwell. "You'd be no good in a robbery," she quipped.

"Scully, what's wrong?" he immediately asked.

She gave him her usual answer, passing him a cereal bar and his seeds. "I'm fine. Let's just get out of here."

Mulder took the food and started the engine, driving away despite the uncomfortable feeling that told him she was hiding something. He didn't want to press her further though, so he bit his tongue and focused on the road.

After a couple of minutes, Scully turned to him, worrying her lip between her teeth. She relented, speaking softly. "There was someone in there, Mulder, he recognised me."

Mulder let go of a breath that he didn't know he was holding, relieved that she had finally said something. "Are you sure? I mean they couldn't have been mistaking you for someone else?"

She shook her head, doubting herself already. "I don't know, he said he'd seen me on TV. Mulder, what if they have our pictures out on the news?"

"I don't think they'd do that. They don't want to draw unnecessary attention to themselves," he reasoned.

"But they could dress it up as something else. Get the unsuspecting populous to do their dirty work without telling them who or why. Mulder, seriously, how haven't we been caught yet?"

"Don't know, but I'm not going to question it either."

"But don't you think it's strange that if they really wanted to find us they could have easily done so already?" She looked at his profile, judging the minute movements of his jaw muscles, saw them flex unconsciously as they did whenever he was forced to admit a hard truth.

"Perhaps we're not as important as they would have us believe," he tried, glancing at her for reassurance. "Maybe they're busy developing a vaccine or ordering their super soldiers into neat, indestructible lines. Everyone's got bigger aliens to fry." He chuckled perfunctorily.

"Mulder, they were determined enough to kill you that they rigged your trial," Scully turned to gaze at the roadside zipping past and said quieter, "I think there's something bigger at play here."

Mulder properly laughed and she stared at him with a frown stitched upon her brow.

"You're doing a very good impression of me, Scully," he chortled.

She smiled despite herself, trying to hide it in a dip of her head. She hummed, having to agree. Maybe she was being paranoid, maybe she should be. The little Mulder voice played in her head, It's not paranoia if they're really out to get you. Shifting in her seat, Scully scuffed her feet on the box of hair dye in the footwell. She was reminded of the haunting feeling of being reeled into the snare, the need to change shape and escape. I see you before on the television.

"Could we find a motel tonight?" she asked warily, cognizant of the contradiction to her previous argument.

"Yeah, sure." He reached out for her hand, lacing her fingers with his.  "You sure you're okay?"

"Yes," she smiled. "I'm fine."

----------

Scully stood behind Mulder at the front desk, listening vaguely to him trying to communicate to the owner of the motel. She stared out of the window at the fading light, smiling as she clutched their only bag of belongings. Resting her cheek to Mulder's shoulder, she heard the muffled sound of his broken Spanish.

«Uno habitación. Uno err noche,» he stuttered earnestly.

She chuckled, remembering of all the times they had booked two rooms just to keep up appearances and Human Resources of their backs. It wasn't that both rooms never got used, more the connecting door left open was an invitation too tempting to resist taking. Mostly, she relished the frequent nights he had slipped into her bed under the cover of darkness and fallen asleep curled around her.

«¿Te gustaría una o dos camas?» The man nodded towards Scully and she smiled politely.

«¿Excusa?»

«¿Una cama o dos?» the man repeated.

«Una cama por favor, señor,» Scully answered.

Mulder muttered, "Feel free to save me from looking like an ass any time."

"I was enjoying listening to you butcher a beautiful language," she teased.

As soon as Mulder was through the door, he flopped onto the bed and sighed contentedly. "One day, Scully, we'll have a place of our own and I will never sleep on a couch again."

She eyed him suspiciously as she rummaged through their bag. Was this where he thought this was going? The end goal a house out in the country with a little wooden porch and surrounded by fields to play baseball in? She tried to imagine it, sitting on the porch, drinking ice tea on a sunny day, a good book and Mulder for company. A cozy log fire crackling in the stone fireplace on long winter evenings. She sometimes thought about the fairy-tale ending but she couldn't imagine herself in that story. Somehow, Scully was always on the outside looking in.

Clutching the box of hair dye behind her back, she stood purposefully. "I'm going to use the bathroom."

Mulder followed her with his head until the door clicked shut behind her. Hearing the water run in the en-suite, he turned over on his side. The creaking of the pipes was oddly comforting and he closed his eyes to it. The mechanical lullaby was, however, annoying enough to keep him from drifting off even though it was the first time he'd laid his head down on a pillow in a month.

A month– Scully was counting. Every day he had woken up next to her and gazed into her clear, blue eyes, she had been counting. He now understood half of what had been wearing her thin, forcing her to guard herself as he'd forged ahead to try and break through. Maybe now was not the best time to pick at her walls. Instead, he promised to find a small window and let in some light. He lay flat on his back, exhausted, and rubbed his hands down his face. Maybe he shouldn't find a window. What if he did find one and somehow manage to block the light out against his own intentions? Perhaps all she needed was space and time to heal. Time away from him and pain he brought with his existence. It was so hard to know what to do when she didn't speak to him. Not about the important things; the things that truly mattered. Not that either of them had been very good at it in the past. It had only ever been drips of conversation at a time, providing a Petri dish for overthinking and false assumptions and doubt. Things that built up like a damn over time until the structure burst and it all came flooding out at once. He didn't want to lose Scully and he didn't want her to get lost.

Restless, he turned onto his other side.

Emily's little face peered up at him from over the side of the bed.

"Jeez, Em," Mulder laughed nervously. "You scared me."

Her young face, too innocent still to be morose, hung dejectedly before him. Her eyes were wide, almost tearful, trying to tell him something he wished he could understand.

"Emily, what is it?"

She simply padded over to the bathroom door and pointed.

"Dana," he breathed, rushing onto his feet and knocking on the door. "Scully? You okay in there?" he called urgently.

"It's open," she replied and he noticed how she avoided his question. Turning the handily delicately, as if he was intruding, Mulder opened the door ajar and peered inside.

"Scully?"

Her t-shirt was crumpled on the floor with a towel next to the bathtub. She had her head hung over the ledge, damp tresses of hair dangling before her face. Various bottles from a box were scattered around in an unorganised mess that was so unlike her.

"If you need to use the toilet, just be quick," she said.

He cleared a path and kneeled down beside her. "Scully, what are you doing?"

Scully turned her head to look at him, dragging her tongue across her top lip in a condescending manner. "Mulder, what does it look like I'm doing?"

"Is this why you wanted to stay in a motel tonight?"

"Does it matter?"

He carefully reached for her hands, untangling them from the ribbons of her once red hair. "Of course it matters. Why didn't you tell me?"

She looked down at their hands. "Am I obligated to tell you everything, Mulder?" she quizzed, returning her gaze to him as she uttered his name.

"No," he searched her eyes for some meaning, but it was hidden away in some depth he couldn't swim to. "But you hardly tell me anything anymore. I think I see a glimmer of what you keep locked away in your heart, but I don't know if it's just a smokescreen, Scully, I can't tell."

She pulled her hands away, combing her fingers through her hair again. "I would never lie to you, Mulder," she said candidly.

"That's not what I said."

Huffing, she stopped, resting her arms over the rim of the bath and giving him her full attention. "Then what are you saying?"

He didn't know. He'd lost sight of his thoughts when he'd seen her troubled; only ever her in mind. He paused, taking a breath. "Why do you need to change yourself?" he uttered softly.

"I'm not changing myself, I'm just dying my hair. It's nothing new or special."

"Why now? Why so suddenly?"

She stared at him in disbelief. "I told you: someone recognised me. I can't just shrug that off like it didn't happen because it did. This is our reality, Mulder, we can't wander through it blindly an– and just hope we'll make it out alive!"

She caught her breath, taken off guard by her own sudden outburst. Licking her lip, she composed herself, affecting an even tone. "I'm not shutting you out, Mulder, if you'd just listen..."

He watched her silently, absorbing her words. Eventually, he nodded timidly. "Let me help then," he whispered.

"No, I'm fine," she brushed him off.

But he refused to lose her. "Scully, let me help."

She sighed, giving in. Snapping of the rubber gloves, she handed him the pair: they had been too large for her hands anyway. "I've died my hair before, but this is bleach, and all the instructions are in Spanish," she admitted.

"I think you're doing fine, Scully," he smiled, rubbing the mixture from the tips all the way to the roots of her hair. Once he'd checked everywhere was covered, he sat with her, waiting patiently by her side until it needed to be washed out. Grabbing the showerhead, he made sure that the water temperature wasn't too hot and massaged her scalp. Scully hummed in appreciation as the warm water cascaded over her head and his fingers worked their magic.

"Do you think I should bleach my hair too?" he asked, partly to make her laugh and partly because he knew that she was right: this was their reality. And she did laugh: the shaking of her shoulders accompanied by a small chuckle made him sigh in relief.

"What's so funny?" he teased. "Would I not look cool with bleach blond hair? I could take up surfing."

Laughing again, Scully elbowed him playfully, making the shower spray everywhere. Her giggle was a welcome sound for sore ears, breathing life back into the empty silence that had followed the burst of the damn.

He turned off the water and handed her the towel. She sat on the ledge of the tub, patting carefully at her now blonde hair, eyeing the alien colour curiously. Mulder grabbed another towel and started on her other side, drying her hair with just as much care. He seriously thought about how he should change his appearance, although he didn't want to. He didn't want to look in the mirror and see someone else's reflection staring back, his own image lost and forgotten. Seeing Scully now, she didn't look like the same person he had known for nine years. The blonde brought out the ice in her blue eyes; her stares once hot like fire now cold and hard. He knew it was just a costume to wear; an act to play, but he feared it becoming a warped version of reality. He should find his own costume to don too; if not becoming the obnoxious surfer-dude type, then what other outfit should he assume? Mulder doubted novelty glasses with the big nose and moustache would cut it, not least because he already wore reading glasses and his nose– well...

Absentmindedly, he asked, "What if I grow a beard?"

Scully turned suddenly serious. Her icy, blue eyes, still fiery, melted his heart.

"Don't," she said definitively and pulled him into a searing kiss. Her fingers curled through the hair at the nape of his neck, dropping the towel and bringing him closer. She felt a well of hunger for him build in her like she'd been starved of his touch.

His hands traveled from her sides, down around the shape of her thighs, lifting her from her perch on the bathtub. He pulled her body into his, pressing them together, all the while she stole his lips with fever. With his hands under her ass and her legs wrapped around his waist, Mulder maneuvered them towards the bedroom.

"No. Here," she breathed.

"Dana–"

She rested her forehead again at his. "Please."

Mulder turned around and placed Scully on the corner of the sink unit. Grinding softly into her, he traced a hand up to cup her jaw, locking lips reverently. She tightened her grip, pulling him closer at the hips and binding her ankles behind his legs. She sucked his full bottom lip, ripe and refreshing like a plump summer fruit, biting it and soothing it with a swipe of her tongue. He hissed when she continued down his neck, leaving a trail of wet kisses and lovebites until she reached the neckline of his t-shirt. Impatiently, she tugged at it and set him free, dropping it by his feet.

Her hands wandered his torso. It was softer than before, leaner and less muscular. There was still tension in his muscles, a defined shape to them, but she could feel the difference. She reached the waist of his jeans, slipping her hands down further, but Mulder grabbed her wrists, making her look up at him. When Scully saw into his eyes, she understood that he wanted to slow down, but there was a fire unfurling through her, setting her body alight and cultivating an insatiable thirst. The last time they had taken things slow, she'd had too much time to think, and she didn't want to think: just feel.

The moment passed between them, eyes locked onto one another, their telepathy flying with the sparks.

Mulder tenderly let go of her wrists and cupped her cheek, brushing his thumb across the rose flush that tinted it. Scully sighed, leaning into his hand and placing her own on top. He bent down to capture a kiss, his lips soft yet firm with resolution. She responded in kind, opening up to the taste of his tongue, of desperation, of hope, of the sunflower seeds he cracked between his teeth all day. Her fingers wound around his hand, bringing it from her cheek to her hip. She slipped down off the cabinet and he unbuttoned her pants. They fell to the floor with a rumpling sound that seemed to echo off of the tiled walls. She stepped out of them, climbing on top of the unit, tugging him between her legs. A second rumpling of jeans and he was buried inside of her, clutching her closely.

He began to move leisurely, kissing her with indulgence. But his body was strung like an archer's bow, taut with resistance, holding something back. Scully moved against him insistently, one hand scratching at his shoulder, the other twined through his hair. She kissed him like a diver plunging into deep waters; the taste of exploration too sweet not to bite.

"Faster," she pleaded in his ear.

Mulder complied, giving in, releasing built-up tension with the snap of his hips forward. In quick and jarring thrusts he drove into her until it was too much and she came with a gasp, collapsing into his chest. Time seemed to slow. The pulsation of where they were joined throbbed up through him to his ears and pounded through his chest. He heard every lungful of air he took; every small, panting breath Scully puffed. Every plunge pushed him further until he too, gasping for air, broke the surface, floating euphorically on the waves of the ocean.

An indeterminate amount of time later, when it was moving at roughly the normal speed again, Mulder lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling with his arm outstretched and Scully's head resting on it. She was drawing aimless patterns around the scar tissue of where she had shot him. Moby had been rescued from their bag of belongings and the white whale was snuggled in the space between them. Everything should have felt easy.

"Scully..."

"Yes?"

"I– I..." He thought of Emily's face staring up at him. He wanted– needed to tell her about the hallucinations that haunted him but he didn't know if he could place that kind of burden on her. He shuffled onto his side and watched her watch him back. He was about to open his mouth when he saw Emily sat on the bed behind Scully, frantically shaking her head. He itched to make Scully turn over and see for herself the impossible. But there was something in that little girl's eyes, so like her mother's, that made him think of Scully first: how angry she would be if he said he could see her; how broken she would be if she saw her for herself.

"Why did you get those sunflower seeds?" he eventually fabricated to fill the silence, bottling his ghosts up and burying them for another time.

"What?" she asked, understandably bewildered.

Ignoring the nagging feeling that he was walking down the wrong path, aware it was still early enough to go back, Mulder sighed and continued, "You didn't have to get them, so I just wondered why you did."

"Because you like them and I saw them." She leaned away from him, questioning him and trying to gauge what was running through his mind. "Did you not want them?"

"No, it's not that. I wasn't expecting it– I didn't ask you to get them..." he continued to ramble.

She silenced him with a kiss, smiling. "You didn't have to."

When Scully pulled away from him, Emily had disappeared and he wondered why at all he was taking advice from his own deluded mind. Mulder looked up at the ceiling again. There were things he needed to get off of his chest, but Emily was right, even if she was only an apparition or a figment: he couldn't tell Scully, not at the moment. Maybe sometime in the future when the moment was right. Yet the longer he left it, the harder it would be to explain what was happening– to explain why it had taken so long to confide in her. The longer he left it, the harder it pressed against his chest; another weight to carry around. The harder it pressed, the more it weighed on his mind; another thought to worry about. The more he thought about it, the harder it pressed against his chest. It was like something inside him wanted to scream when he reflected upon it. So, he didn't. Instead, he pulled Scully closer and lost himself curled around her. Her warm skin against his own grounded him; her scent wrapped itself around him and tied him down. He focused on her breathing, matching his own to the same pattern until he was made up of a tiny piece of Scully that kept him sane and whole.

"Mulder," she mumbled. "Are you okay?"

"Shh, it's nothing," he whispered. He stroked her hair and kissed her forehead. "Try and get some sleep."

[profoundnet]

PROFOUND MEMBER MASTERPOST FOR NOVEMBER 2020!

Featuring Destiel/Gen works by jscribbles, Jeanne_de_Valois, tiamatv, LeafZelindor, prosopopeya, DragonSgotenks, sketching-fox, kittimau, castielslostwings, FriendofCarlotta, universalsatan, Idjit_01, Destielshipper4Cas, purple_charlie, Maleyah, noeizumispn, kitmistry, TheSongSmith, one_more_offbeat_anthem, interstitial, JusithAndronicus, ArielAquarial, queer-things-do-happen-dean, goldenraeofsun, andimeantittosting, and starprincecas.

Join us on Discord!

Masterpost below the cut.

jscribbles - jscribbles

I’ll Go With You (G, 4.7k)

A coda to 15x18 "Despair".

He hadn't said anything. He hadn't said anything when he'd been given the chance.

Tags: 15.20, reunion, grief, love confession

We Are Real (M, 2.4k)

Smutty sequel to I'll Go With You.

Dean hadn't kissed him yet.

But they were alone now, and free.

Tags: 15.18, smut

404 Error (G, 500 words)

How hablo espaniol?!!

I DON'T KNOW. Neither does Dean.

Tags: spoilers for 15.18, based on spanish dub, crack fic

The Weight of Silence (E, 26k)

The weight of silence is heavy on Dean's shoulders as he learns to live a new kind of life in Heaven. In classic Winchester-style, despite being in a place that isn't supposed to have pain and suffering, Dean rebels against it by being straight-up fucking miserable.

Tags: depression, mentions of john winchesters garbage parenting, canon compliant, 15.20 fix it coda, happy ending, smut, romance, love confessions

~

Jeanne_de_Valois - Jeanne_de_Valois

Free Bird (G, 1.7k)

Heaven is an open road and not having to pay for gas.

Heaven is a greasy sandwich and a novelty-sized candy bar.

Heaven is awkward, shuffling, confusing.

Heaven is getting to say what you wished you said, a lifetime ago.

(A Coda to Supernatural 15.20- Carry On)

Tags: Post-Episode: s15e20 Carry On, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Requited Love

~

tiamatv - tiamatv

Stone and Flesh (E, 6k)

Dean didn’t think, even in his filthiest imaginings, that Cas would sound like this in bed��loud, eager, easy with it. He doesn’t give a fuck who hears him enjoying himself. Though maybe Dean should have known. It’s not like Cas has ever once held back on anything he ever wanted to say or do—

Didn’t he?

(Not quite an episode coda for S15e18 per se, but more a "what comes after.")

Tags: AU - canon divergence; Post-Episode S15e18: Despair; Canonical Character Death; Selectively Mute Dean Winchester; Hopeful Ending

Domestic (T, 5.6k)

A little less than a year after the world doesn’t end, he and Cas get married.

Tags: AU - Canon Divergence; Future Fic; Tooth-Rotting Fluff; Domesticity in the Men of Letters Bunker; Kid Fic

Bight (E, 2.5k)

“Do you want more?” Cas asked, against Dean’s thigh. His thumb strummed gently at the soft, folded-up pocket behind Dean’s bound knee.

It tickled, but… didn’t.

Dean didn’t know what the answer to that was.

Tags: AU - Canon Divergence; Rope Bondage; Gentle Dom Castiel; Sub Dean Winchester; Praise Kink

~

LeafZealindor - @leafzelindor

Artwork for “break to let the light in” DCBB2020 (SFW)

Artwork draw for the DCBB2020 fic "break to let the light in"

Tags: fluff, touching, intimacy. Accompanied by fic by PeppermiintsPlease.

~

prosopopeya - prosopopeya

Like Real People Do (G, 4.9k)

Castiel experienced a moment of pure happiness, expecting it to be his last. 

It wasn't.

Tags: Post-15x18, canon divergence, first kiss, angst with a happy ending, first kiss

Under the Same Sun (E, 14k)

In which time is infinite, and so is the list of people willing to help Dean figure out what to do about Cas. 

A fix-it for a lot of things: Dean's repressed bisexuality, Dean's utterly inexplicable failure to realize what Cas meant, the Charlie & Dean brother/sister content I crave, among others.

Tags: Internalized biphobia, Charlie Bradbury & Dean Winchester, angst with a happy ending, post-series, Heaven fic

~

DragonSgotenks - DragonSgotenks

Say Cheese (E, 50k)

Dean Winchester is thirty, flirty, and thriving, or at least that's how his best friend Charlie describes him. Either way Dean feels pretty good about his life. He has a decent job, a nice house, and a great group of friends and family. Sure his brother's been living hundreds of miles away to attend law school and an internship, and yeah maybe he wasn't working his dream job, and so, okay, he spent most nights zoning out in front of the tv alone but that was fine. Dean was fine. Until he gets a call about a daughter he didn't know existed and suddenly Dean's quiet (boring) life is turned upside down.

Castiel Novak is a photographer whose passion lies in capturing the beauty of nature. However to pay the bills he works part time at the mall doing portrait photography. Sure it might not be as artistic as he'd like and his odd hours make for a dull social life but he's still doing what he loves. He especially enjoys doing the kids photos and over the last couple of years he's built a bit of a reputation for always getting the shot no matter how unruly or stubborn a child might be. So when a handsome father brings in his grumpy little girl for pictures Castiel thinks it will be just another photo shoot.

He's wrong.

Tags: Destiel, Single parent Dean, kidfic, bottom Dean/top Castiel, mentions of childhood trauma, eventual smut, past Lydia/Dean

~

sketching-fox - @sketching-fox

Dean Winchester Monster Fucker (NSFW)

Arts done for Dean Cas Big Bang in my partnership with LoversAntiquities.

Tags: alleyway, impala, mature content. Accompanied by fic by LoversAntiquities.

~

kittimau - @kmauspn - kittimau

Beg Pretty For Me (E, 5k)

“Cas…” His eyes flutter closed, mind slipping into the warm, pleasant haze of that special place, the one that allows him release, relief. Peace. Heart pounding in his chest, he fights the temptation to touch himself through the delicate material because Cas hasn’t told him to yet and he wants to be good.

“I want to hear you say it, Dean.”

“Fuck…” He swallows thickly. “Yeah. I- I feel beautiful.”

Tags: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, Phone Sex, Light Dom/Sub, Dean Winchester Wears Panties, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Masturbation, Dom Castiel/Sub Dean Winchester

~

castielslostwings - @castielslostwings - Castielslostwings

Loud (G, 4.3k)

Minutes, hours, days, years might have already passed—time is different here, and Castiel has no way of tracking it, and still the Shadow doesn’t come. 

Castiel sits, he stands, he walks and walks and walks and walks. All he ever discovers is more darkness, more nothing.

Tags: 15.19 coda, alternate 15.20, canon fix-it, carry on fix-it, canon-compliant, love confessions, the empty, coda fic, the profound bond

Carry On (E, 8k)

“I think I’ll go for a drive.”

This is what happened between that moment, and Dean meeting Sam on that bridge.

(A 15x20 missing scene/fix-it fic).

Tags: 15x20 fix-it, Carry On coda, love confessions, castiel and dean are in love, first kiss, first time, reunions, Heaven improved, dean gets the funeral he deserves, missing scene

~

FriendofCarlotta - @friendofcarlotta - FriendofCarlotta

The Novel (E, 4.5k)

Dean, Cas, Sam and Eileen are happily retired and living their best lives. There's just one problem: Sam has decided to commemorate the Winchester brothers' adventures by writing a novel, and it's not very good at all.

AKA the episode coda where 15x20 was nothing more than Dean reading a draft of his brother's first novel and becoming increasingly appalled.

Tags: Coda, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, Technically Canon-Compliant, First Kiss, Top Cas/Bottom Dean

~

universalsatan - @universalsatan - UniversalSatan

Mortal One, With The Sun in His Hands (E, 135k)

Cowhand Dean Winchester is notorious for risky gambles, rightfully proud of his horse Impala (who has the prettiest speckle in the West), and is stubbornly certain that his life is in apple-pie order. His comfortable existence crumbles apart when he's saved from a fire-and-brimstone death by a mysterious wanderer he discovers to be the infamous White Bandit, mythical Angel of the Desert. While his savior is as fearsome as the legends say, Dean can't help but draw closer to the quiet and endearing man the real Bandit turns out to be... even if he doesn't yet realize they're the same person. This time, Dean may have to reach out to the flame instead of recoil.

Tags: Western, Historical Fantasy, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Cowboys, Plot-Heavy, Hurt/Comfort, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings Graphic Depictions of Violence, Explicit Sexual Content (Censored Version Available). Accompanied by art by Artmetica.

~

Idjit_01 - Idjit_01

I’m not gonna say that I’d change it cause you and I know that we can’t (T, 1.3k)

After Lisa's goodbye speech to Dean in 6x14, Dean gets drunk and calls Cas.

Tags: Episode: s06e14 Mannequin 3: The Reckoning, Alcohol abuse/Alcoholism, Canon Divergence, Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt No comfort, yes both

game over (try again, please) (G, 887 words)

After Case and everyone else's departure in 15x18 Sam and Dean sit and talk. (And yes they discuss Cas's confession)

Tags: Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Suicidal Thoughts, Canonical Character Death, Good Sibling Sam Winchester

There’s blood on your face. (Beer and Nightmares) (G, 1.4k)

Dean wakes up pretty badly shaken from a nightmare. He struggles with it. He goes to the kitchen for a beer, but Cas and Sam are there. In the end, thanks to Cas's shenanigans, he doesn't even remember the nightmare.

Tags: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Teasing, Touch-Starved Dean Winchester, BAMF Castiel (Supernatural), Sam Winchester Is So Done

Help(less) (T, 1.9k)

Everyone Chuck took away is back and are doing normal life again. As there are no monsters and everyone around him has someone else, Dean's on his own and feels awful. So he drives away and makes several questionable choices. Featuring: Dean, a missing angel, a moose, Baby and a frankly abused forest

Tags: Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Grief/Mourning, Vomiting, Eating Disorders, Suicidal Attempt, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death

~

Destielshipper4Cas - @destielshipper4cas - Destielshipper4Cas

The Alpha Next Door (E, 36k)

When Cas is placed in WitSec, he gets a fake secondary gender designation to go along with his new name, ‘Jimmy.’ All he has to do until the boss of the omega trafficking ring he escaped is behind bars is keep a low profile, always apply his alpha scent, and not fall in love with an alpha. Well—two out of three ain’t too bad…

Dean has never had a crush on an alpha before. Along comes his new neighbor, Jimmy, an alpha who is alphasexual. There’s just something about him, and to his utter confusion, he finds himself falling for an alpha for the first time in his life.

Tags: Past Rape/Non-con, Strangers to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Hurt/Comfort, Omega Verse

~

purple_charlie - purple_charlie

Walk Through Fire for You (T, 2.3k)

Boyfriend.

The word still feels foreign in Dean’s mouth, still brings back echoes of John Winchester’s thinly-veiled (if even that) homophobia. "Man up, don’t be a sissy, I didn’t raise a fairy". It’s a swollen blister in the back of Dean’s mind, throbbing with pain whenever a stranger’s eyes linger too long on Cas’ hand in his, whenever a waitress double-takes at how close they sit in diner booths.

But here, dirty dancing with Cas in a warehouse full of other queer folks, Dean wants to shout from the rooftops- I’m Dean Winchester, I drive the baddest car in town, I lift heavy things for a living, and this is my boyfriend.

Tags: Homophobic parents, homophobic siblings, bisexual Dean, Gay Cas, Pride, marijuana use

~

Maleyah - @maleyah-givemetomorrow - Katherine_Kat

Art for In A State of Perpetual Disrepair (SFW)

Art for my fic, In A State of Perpetual Disrepair, a hurt/comfort A/B/O Destiel fic.

Tags: fanart, A/B/O, hurt/comfort, Alpha!Cas, Omega!Dean

Start of Time (G, 754 words)

Except he never expected to be awake for the aftermath.

You see, he can hear Dean's prayers.

Tags: Castiel POV, Despair, Hope, Coda 15x18, post episode 15x18, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts

We’re Not Gonna Take It (T, 1.4k)

Amara gestures at Dean calmly. “Have you been praying lately by any chance?”

Dean flusters and stammers, hands at his hips to give himself an attitude, while his eyes flick from her to Sam and Jack insecurely. “N… No.”

Tags: Coda 15x19, Post episode 15x19, Fix It, Dean's dirty prayers, Dean Prays to Castiel, Angel Wings, Wings, First Kiss

Drive (M, 1.5k)

Dean's prayers take a turn for the sensual, which drives The Empty to the brink.

Tags: Coda 15x18; post episode 15x18,, Dean Prays to Castiel, Dean's dirty prayers, Angel Wings, Wings, First Kiss, Fix-It, Slight Crack

Now That We’re Dead (M, 2.5k)

“You got everything you could ever want or need or dream. So I guess the question is… What’re you gonna do now, Dean?”

Looking around, he doesn’t know how to answer that question. The obvious is suggested when she turns out to have made it to Heaven too. Dust dances in the air around Baby, shining in the sunlight, tempting him to go for a ride. The endless stretched out road and horizon.

He blinks a few times, slow and owlish.

And right there, his shadow falling long and dark, almost touching Dean’s feet, is Cas.

OR: the one where Cas gets the love he deserves

Tags: 15x20 coda, Fix It, First Kiss, human!Cas, Heaven, Heaven happy ending, Canon divergent from the moment Bobby says "Cas helped", Fix-It

I Wanna Live, Not Just Survive (M, 3.9k)

“Dean Winchester,” Cas drawls. “I did not go to The Empty, so you could get yourself impaled.”

Or: the other one, where Cas and Dean get to be what they deserve.

Tags: coda 15x20, Fix-It, Human Castiel (Supernatural), Earth happy ending, Because let's not bury our gays, First Kiss, Cuddles, Hurt/Comfort

~

noeizumispn - @noeizumispn

Colors (SFW)

Art inspired by Misha's words on Cas' wings

Tags: Rainbow, colors, destiel, wings

~

kitmistry - @kitmistry - Kitmistry

Don’t You Cry No More (T, 4.8k)

There has to be something, he told himself the first night he pulled an all nighter, only to wake up with his cheek smashed against a book, dark circles under his eyes, a throbbing headache, and nowhere closer to the answer than when he started. The light was still on above his head. He didn’t bother turning it off.

Or the one where Dean doesn't die, but he searches for Cas instead. 

Tags: Fix-It, Coda, Episode: s15e20 Carry On, Post-Canon, Angst with a Happy Ending

~

TheSongSmith - TheSongSmith

Four Seasons (G, 754 words)

Cas is the owner of Four Seasons Total Landscaping, and he received a very curious call on a quiet Saturday morning. Dean owns the adult shop next door, and is very confused by what's going on. Good times are had by all, except Donald Trump because fuck that morally-bankrupt tangerine.

Tags: Four Seasons Total Landscaping, Destiel is Canon, 2020 is a dumpster fire so have this fic, twitter made me do it

~

one_more_offbeat_anthem - one_more_offbeat_anthem

So Comes Snow After Fire (G, 11k)

Cas was old, like old-old, like ancient, like here for the beginning of the goddamn cosmos old, like remembers rain being invented old, and he could be anywhere, but instead he was in Dean’s kitchen (well, the bunker’s, but no one else cooked--Jack and Cas were kind of clueless when it came to that stuff, and all Sam made was health food), reading The Hobbit aloud to Dean while Dean himself made them all spaghetti.

(or, they got their win--the biggest win of all--and now autumn is settling in. a nearly-human Cas plants a garden, and Dean helps him along.)

Tags: Post-Canon/Canon-Divergent, Domesticity, Getting together, Fluff and comfort, Gardening Castiel

~

interstitial - interstitial

Thirst Was Made For Water (T, 5.9k)

Cas is hit by a truth spell. The results are unexpected.

And maybe just a tiny bit funny. Unless you're Dean. 

Tags: Dubiously Consensual Courting Behavior, Mildly NSFW Art Included, Profanity, Crack & Fluff, Truth Spells, Animal Transformations, Canon Divergent After s7e17 The Born-Again Identity, Light-Hearted and (Relatively) Wholesome For These Trying Times

~

JudithAndronicus - @judithandronicus - judithandronicus

Up We Go (E, 4.9k)

A coda fic series for 15.18.

Tags: Grieving, Canonical MCD (temporary), Alcoholic Dean, Angst with a Happy Ending

The Kindness of Ravens (E, 7.5k)

Crackfic wherein ravens pooping on Dean lead to feelings realization and eventual smut.

Tags: Fluff, Crack, Feelings Realization, Diners

The Ampersand Chronicles (G, 1.3k)

This is unrepentant canon-adjacent Bunker fluff, set in a universe where everything is kind of the same, except fluffier. Cas lives in the Bunker with Sam and Dean; things like Gadreel and Lucifer aren't a problem; and oh yeah, there's a cat.

Tags: Fluff, Bunker Fic, Kittens

~

ArielAquarial - ArielAquarial

Boyfriend Blues (G, 1k)

“I have a boyfriend!”

It came out of nowhere. One second Dean was shoveling a truly amazing pork roast into his mouth, already planning the meat to mashed potato ratio of his next bite, when Claire opened her mouth and his fork was clattering to the plate. Cas stopped mid-bite to stare at her while Jack, completely oblivious, continued making a Jackson Pollock out of his potatoes and gravy.

Tags: Parenthood, Domestic Fluff, Married Life, Alternate Universe, Established Relationship, Kid Claire Novak, Kid Jack Kline

Extra Credit (E, 4.2k)

“Hey, babe. Who has the kids?”

“Mr. Winchester…” Cas rumbled, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms across his chest. “You’re cutting it close. My office hours are almost over.”

Dean frowned at him, confused. That didn’t even remotely answer his question. What did he—

Oh…

Oh!

Or, the moment Dean has been waiting for has finally arrived.

Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Husbands, Professor Castiel (Supernatural), Mechanic Dean Winchester, Sexual Roleplay, Teacher/Student Roleplay, Anniversary

Never in a Million Years (G, 2.5k)

If someone had told Cas six years ago that he was going to be a happily married man with two kids, he would have laughed. Now, with Dean by his side, he couldn't imagine things being different, even if the path to get there had been a little rocky.

Tags: Domestic Fluff, Holiday Traditions, Alternate Universe, Established Relationship, Backstory, Bickering, Married Life

~

queer-things-do-happen-dean - @queer-things-do-happen-dean - Latter_alice

Tangerine, tangerine (E, 1k)

“So it’s – It’s really nothin’, huh?” Dean swallows and tries to blink away the wetness in his eyes. His gaze don’t weaver from the road. “No, uh, key words ring a bell? Chuck? Angel tablet?” He pauses, flicks his eyes over to Castiel and back. “... Leviathans?"

When Dean pulls Cas out of the Empty, not everything comes back.

Tags: Canon divergent, post series, memory loss

~

goldenraeofsun - @goldenraeofsun - goldenraeofsun

Symmetria (T, 4k)

When all’s said and done with Chuck, Dean takes his time getting used to his new gig as capital D Death. Billie, of course, did not see fit to leave him a training manual. But with his brother-turned-God on his side, and Jack as the new Darkness, they all muddle through.

Finally, all that's left is to rescue Cas from the Empty.

Tags: 15x18 fix-it, alternate post-series AU, Death!Dean, God!Sam, Darkness!Jack, love confessions, first kiss, minor Sam/Eileen

~

andimeantittosting - @andimeantittosting - andimeantittosting

We Are (M, 699)

15x18 coda. When they get Cas back, because they do, because somehow, someway, sometimes good things do happen, Dean... 

Tags: Reunion, Resurrected Castiel, Requited Love, Happy Ending

Carrying On (G, 794 words)

15x20 coda. Dean dies and goes to heaven. But then he wakes up.

Tags: Fix-it Fic, Djinn, Happy Ending on Earth

Two Inches to the Left (T, 2.5k)

15x20 coda. Something tells Dean to stop by that bridge, so he does. The last thing he's expecting is for a pair of Vespas to pull up and Becky Rosen to tell him that he's still in Chuck's story. Finally, it's time to write his own.

Tags: Fix-it Fic, Temporary Character Death, Happy Ending on Earth, Fangirls Save the Day

~

starprincecas - @starprincecas - cuddlesandcas

so it goes (T, 1.4k)

The Empty comes to collect.

Tags: Major Character Death, Episode Tag: s15e18 Despair, Angst

no more waiting on tomorrow (T, 739 words)

For all that they’ve finally won once and for all, the victory feels hollow.

Tags: Episode Tag: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, Fix-It Fic

[fanfic-corner]

15x18 Fics - !SPOILERS AHEAD!

I think we can all agree that everyone - fans or not - were pretty shocked by the reveal of last week, and everywhere (Tumblr most of all) seemed to explode. AO3 was not exempt from this massive outpouring of creations, so here are some fics based on That Scene. I will warn you that not all of them are fix-it fics, and most of them are quite short for obvious reasons.

Like Real People Do by prosopopeya on AO3. (4,490 words).

Tags: Coda, Episode Fix-it, Fluff and Angst, Spoilers, Post Episode: s15e18 Despair, Angst with a Happy Ending.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: Castiel experienced a moment of pure happiness, expecting it to be his last. It wasn't. 

Notes: This was so poetic and absolutely gorgeous.

The same old tears (wish you were here) by DestielIsFuckinReal on AO3. (1,992 words).

Tags: Temporary Character Death, Post Episode: s15e18 Despair, Coda, Love Confessions, Angst with a Happy Ending.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Notes: The speech marks were slightly annoying, but other than that, this was beautiful.

Never Enough by make_your_user_a_name on AO3. (1,556 words).

Tags: Post Episode: s15e18 Despair, Angst, Suicidal Thoughts, Love Confessions, Supportive Sam Winchester, Sam Winchester Knows, Domestic Fluff.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: It took him hours to notice it. He hadn’t felt it in the moment. Hadn’t felt the Cas’ hand stick slightly to his shoulder as it pushed him away, leaving him to face the Empty alone. But now that he’d noticed it, it was all he could look at. That bright red handprint standing out starkly against his jacket. It was perfect, really. Not a drop out of place. Just a handprint and nothing else. That was all he had left. The handprint where Castiel had “gripped him tight and raised him from perdition.” And now he’d saved him one more time. Same shoulder, same placement, same sting when Dean looked at it. It was poetic in the cruelest of ways. And if it weren’t for everything, he would have thought this was Chuck’s writing. But, no. Castiel was the only part of Chuck’s story that he couldn’t control. Because Cas had fallen.

Notes: Now this fic brought out the ugly tears.

this is a good thing, dean. (prayer is a sign of faith) by cascountsdeansfreckles on AO3. (529 words).

Tags: Prayer, Dean Winchester Prays to Castiel, post 15x18, 15x18 coda.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: Dean’s legs still don’t want to move. He sits propped up against the wall and stares unseeing at the chair in the middle of the room. Everything that Cas said plays over and over in his head. The image of Cas looking devastatingly relieved, content, as he was taken from Dean won’t leave his mind. He doesn’t know what else to do. So he prays.

Notes: Okay, and I’m crying. Again. The one time Cas can’t hear Dean’s prayers is the one time it is the most important.

all the things i’ve never said by Saffir on AO3. (849 words).

Tags: 15x18 Fix-it, Angst, Heavy Angst, First Kiss, Confessions, Sad Ending, Nonbinary Castiel.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: Castiel knows that their time has come. The past decade has been spent protecting Dean, living for Dean, dying for Dean. It finally comes time to sacrifice themself one last time. He wasn’t expecting it to hurt this much.

Notes: Confirmation of their relationship would have been nice! I mean, I firmly believe Dean reciprocated, but it would be nice to know for sure. And oh boy, I had not stopped to think about the scene from Cas’ point of view.

gay love pierced through the veil of death and saved the day by firefliesandstarlight on AO3. (444 words).

Tags: Fix-it, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: Cas doesn’t die. That’s literally it.

Notes: Is it bad I found out that Charlie died through the end notes of this fic? Like, imagine writing a scene so moving that it overpowers the fact that several other fan favourites died in that same episode.

15x18 coda: it’s in the being by contemplativepancakes on AO3. (1,167 words). 

Tags: Post Episode: s15e18 Despair, Coda, Dean Winchester Can’t Cope, Hurt Dean Winchester.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: Blood splatters from a severed neck, the body twitching before it collapses to the floor. It sprays across Dean’s face, dotting red droplets over his cheeks and in his hair. Dean keeps his mouth shut so he doesn’t get the taste of copper stuck in it; he already can’t get Cas’s face out of his mind. Dean knows this is the last place he should be, that with the world ending, it doesn’t really matter if there’s one less nest of vamps in the world, but if he stops moving, then he’ll… have to think. “I wondered what my true happiness could even look like, because the one thing I want, it’s something I know I can’t have.” 

Fuck, they wasted so much time.

Notes: I don’t even know what to say anymore. My heart is simultaneously full and utterly broken.

1 Missed Call by glenien on AO3. (597 words).

Tags: Post Episode: s15e18 Despair, Referenced Character Death, Angst, Dean Winchester is a Dumbass, Angst with a Happy Ending, Death!Castiel, Coda, Fluff and Angst.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: The buzzing never stops.

Notes: I love the implications of Dean literally flirting with Death here, and even though this isn’t the ending I think we’ll get, I can still hope!

Only know you love him when you let him go by Azura_lights_18 on AO3. (1,365 words).

Tags: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Post Episode: s15e18 Despair, Hurt/Comfort, Dean Deserves to be Happy, Angst with a Happy Ending.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: Destiel is finally canon... for ten seconds. My hopes for the upcoming episodes (just let Destiel live, please.)

Notes: I am loving the inventive ways people are bringing Cas back! I have hope, but that might just be me putting my clown wig on.

maybe just this once (let me keep this one) by psyiocke on AO3. (1,678 words).

Tags: Episode: s15e18 Despair, Canonical Character Death, Angst with a Happy Ending.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: Dean Winchester listens in silence, and he mourns in it too.

or the aftermath of hearing your best friend say he loves you and then watching him die.

Notes: Oh boy here I go again. That tag, by the way, is much too soon. But if this is what happened at the end, I would be happy.

Instinct by CKLizzy on AO3. (510 words).

Tags: Fix-it of Sorts, Episode s15e18 Despair, Episode Fix-it.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: Dean reacted on pure instinct. Instinct he didn't know he even had.

Notes: Oh, if only. I would have passed out.

A World Redeemed by Lif61 on AO3. (732 words).

Tags: Season 15 Spoilers, Post Episode: s15e18 Despair, POV Dean Winchester, Romance, Love, Happy Ending.

My Rating: 3 stars.

Description: Cas is gone, and the world is saved. But not for Dean.

Notes: I do really hope Cas comes back. Otherwise, I’m gonna have to go and have some words with someone.

Happiness is What Makes You Cry by AnotherWorld3111 on AO3. (358 words).

Tags: Angst, Referenced Character Death, Canonical Character Death, Post Episode: s15e18 Despair, Hurt No Comfort, Love Confessions.

My Rating: 3 stars.

Description: Just... read the goddamn tags

Notes: Oh man, if Dean actually breaks down in front of Sam, I will die on the spot.

All Out of Love by asofthesea on AO3. (681 words).

Tags: Not Actually Unrequited Love, Angst and Feels, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Post Episode: s15e18 Despair, Homophobic John Winchester, Protective Sam Winchester, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt Jack Kline, One Shot, Brotherly Love, Feelings.

My Rating: 3 stars.

Description: After the events of 15x18, Despair, Sam and Jack rush back to the bunker to find Dean alone, and falling apart at the seams.

Notes: John Winchester would have been homophobic and no one can change my mind.

Tag to “Despair” (15x18) by Alvinola on AO3. (793 words).

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort.

My Rating: 3 stars.

Description: Sam has to pick up the pieces when Cas is gone.

Notes: Seriously, these fics are making me cry all over again. I mean, what can Sam possibly say to make any of this better? That’s heartbreaking in itself.

And a shameless self-promotion:

‘I love you’ by LinaRai on AO3. (420 words).

Tags: Angst, Episode: s15e18 Despair, Spoilers, Canonical Character Death, I’m Sorry.

Description: "I love you." Dean just stares at him.

Notes: I wrote this in a Criminology lesson while eating a bag of crisps which basically equated to my lunch because I was a mess and I had to. And yes, I am fully aware that I write things with major character death too often. So sue me.

So, how is everyone feeling? I’ve started re-reading Angel’s Wild in a wild (get it) attempt to cope. Also, this led to me having a full conversation with one of my teachers about Sherlock. ‘Maybe next time don’t use a current show as an example of queerbaiting,’ she said, as if any of us expected Destiel to go canon. Seriously, how do you explain to a 40 year old woman who only just realised that BBC Sherlock might possibly be queerbaiting how much no one expected that to happen? 

[earnestly-endlessly]

have any recs for canon divergent fic?

(Post-movie AU.) On a beach in Cuba, Charles manages to talk Erik down from the edge. But even after the missiles have been diverted, compromise is impossible. There are two different futures to build, and Erik and Charles will always be separated by their principles. But when Charles is kidnapped and the X-Men can't find him, Erik will get him back no matter the consequences.Meanwhile, trapped alone in his mind for the first time in his life, Charles comes face to face with the truth about what and who he wants. When convictions stand in direct opposition to the heart, which will prevail?Oh yes Anon, I have plenty of canon divergent fics. Many of these are probably familiar favourites, but I tried to list a wide variety of different fics. Some of these are fix-its, but I plan to make a different list with fix-it fics. 

I hope you Enjoy!

                                      Cherik - Canon Divergent Fics 

Us – Pangea 

Summary: “Charles,” Erik says, and if his voice hits a pleading note then who can really blame him, “Charles, it’s me.”

It takes several longer moments before Charles musters up the strength to answer, breath stuttering horribly as he tries to breathe. He’s shaking, entire body trembling.

“Erik,” Charles says, his voice cracking, “Erik, I want to die.”

Time to Grow – zarah5

Summary: In which you’ll find chess dates which aren’t dates (or maybe Charles is wrong about that). – Based on First Class, this turns (slightly) AU during the beach scene.

Took Me By Surprise And Then – Thehoyden

Summary: After the second surgery in New York, Charles doesn’t anticipate anyone keeping vigil by his bedside — and certainly not Tony Stark.

Lucid Dreaming – Listerinezero

Summary: Magneto finds himself in 1962, on the morning they go to Cuba, in the bed of the young Charles who’d spent months letting him think they were in love before breaking his heart. But he is not the same man he was forty years earlier, and as he gets to know young Charles again, he discovers that things might not have been exactly the way he remembered them after all.

Anger, serenity, and the spaces in between - appleseed

Summary: After Cuba, things are going to change - at least if Charles has any say in the matter.

The Virtue to Which We Aspire - varlovian

Summary: Nine months after Cuba, Charles is found by Erik’s Brotherhood in the smoldering ruins of an abandoned CIA base, exhausted but alive. As the only known survivor of the CIA’s vendetta against mutants, recovering Charles’ memory of the incident—which he admits to having forgotten—just became paramount.

But the harder they push, the closer Charles gets to breaking point. When he finally cracks, the X-Men and the Brotherhood will learn the truth, but it comes with a price…

Some doors, once opened, cannot be closed.

Some minds, once broken, will never be the same again.

Lay down beside me (so still and so soft) – C-Gracewood

Summary: A different take on the events of the film

Not Half As Blinding – keire_ke

Summary: Cuban beach AU. Charles discovers that death does, in fact, solve everything.

Needles – Skull_Bearer

Summary: AU where everyone’s born Dominant or Submissive. Once a Dominant and Submissive pair is born, they are linked to each other, no matter how far apart they are. This link doesn’t actually tell the Dom or the Sub each other’s thoughts, but it does allow them to know how the other’s doing and serves as a reassurance that there’s someone meant for them out there. Another one of the reasons that Erik hates Shaw so badly is because Shaw managed to break Erik’s link to his Sub. Now Erik doesn’t even know if his Sub’s alive because breaking a link like that can kill a Submissive. Meanwhile, Charles hates himself for not yet having telepathy strong enough to contact and help his Dom, especially after feeling the pain his Dom was forced to go through. He truly believes that his Dominant is dead. Hopes it, some nights when he remembers how his Dom was forced to suffer. It’s better than to think of his Dom still being forced to bear that pain.

And then Charles pulls Erik from the water

TL;DR: Erik and Charles (respectively) are a Dominant and Submissive pair that find each other after thinking the other is dead.

The Tower and the Hurricane – dreamlittleyo

Summary: (Post-movie AU.) Five years after Shaw’s death, Erik’s predictions prove painfully accurate. Violence rages on both sides of the human/mutant conflict. In a world ravaged by war, it doesn’t really matter who’s more at fault. Charles struggles to teach his students a better way, but what choices will he make when peace really isn’t an option?

Blood and Steel and Miles Between – dreamlittleyo

Summary: (Post-movie AU.) On a beach in Cuba, Charles manages to talk Erik down from the edge. But even after the missiles have been diverted, compromise is impossible. There are two different futures to build, and Erik and Charles will always be separated by their principles. But when Charles is kidnapped and the X-Men can't find him, Erik will get him back no matter the consequences.

Meanwhile, trapped alone in his mind for the first time in his life, Charles comes face to face with the truth about what and who he wants. When convictions stand in direct opposition to the heart, which will prevail?

Burn the World to Ashes – nixajane

Summary: Movie Ending AU. Erik is merciless after Shaw is dead, taking out Moira and sending the missiles back at the ships that fired them. Charles refuses to join him and they go their separate ways, but he keeps getting in the way and Erik can’t allow him to interfere with his plans. More importantly, he can’t allow Charles to be hurt.

Forward Momentum – AsYouWish

Summary: Six months after Cuba, Charles and Erik find themselves thrown fifty years into the future, where they meet their older selves, the Avengers, and a world that’s very different from their own. Faced with the pieces of their broken relationship, an unparalleled adversary, and dealing with Tony Stark on a daily basis, Charles and Erik do their best to adapt while trying to find a way back home – and to each other.

No Yesterdays on the Road – pocky_slash

Summary: It’s been two months since Cuba and things are settling down for Charles, Erik, and the beginnings of their mutant school. Right up until Charles disappears, that is. Faced with the possibility that a bitter Emma Frost has kidnapped Charles, Erik is forced to team up with Moira to hunt down the remainder of the Hellfire Club. From there, they hope to locate Frost and retrieve Charles, without killing each other along the way.

(Or: Erik and Moira Drive Across the Country and Talk About Their Feelings.)

Divergence Day – Manic Intent

Summary: The room that Charles is held in is simple, and underground, a concrete bunker of a place hewn into a cube, with a simple white cot for a bed. There’s a small black and white television set, plugged to the wall within hand’s reach of the bed, and an ensuite bathroom attached to the chamber. They’re somewhere in the Nevada desert, as far as Charles dimly remembers, one of Erik’s many boltholes. There’s no one else in the entire facility, and Erik’s mind is closed to Charles from the helmet. The silence is both blissful and excruciating.

It’s like one of us woke up – kaydeefalls

Summary: “You came here for me,” Charles said, meeting Shaw’s gaze levelly. “So let’s not waste any more time.”

Canon!AU in which Charles and Erik do find Shaw in Russia.

It’s All Coming Back to Me – Regann

Summary: When Erik hears that Charles died on the beach where he left him, there’s only one thing left for him to do: take the world down with him as he crashes and burns in his grief. But maybe the world will get its reprieve before he goes too far.

Shared Custody – smilebackwards

Summary: “I would like to date your sister,” Azazel tells Charles after he makes a particularly fine point about Descartes’ Discourse on the Method for which Azazel has no rebuttal.”

A Hundred Visions and Revisions – kaydeefalls

Summary: In which the CIA and FBI indulge in some inter-agency snooping, Erik hates Cerebro, a new mutant is found, and Charles is very distracting.

Enigma – Yahtzee

Summary: Written for the following prompt: Erik dies, or finds a reversey-time mutant, or a magical time travelling device, and wakes up in the past. This time, though, it’s before he ever met Charles - in fact, it’s before his mother died.He can save his mother that one time (thanks to his mastery over powers carrying back), but what does Erik do after that? Does he stick around, or escape and run to find Charles again (and hope everything doesn’t go wrong)?

Five Bullet Points – Sperare

Summary: It was supposed to be Erik locked away in a prison one hundred stories below the ground.

Charles was never supposed to be there with him.

The Winter of Banked Fires – Yahtzee

Summary: Charles Xavier has returned from the dead – but is lost within his own mind. Rogue has cast aside her own power and doesn’t know where she fits in the world any longer. The production of synthetic Cure means mutantkind itself is newly at risk. And Magneto, turned human against his will, is in despair until the day he feels a familiar consciousness tugging at his own –

Set after X-3 (with much desperate fix-it applied), during XMFC, and every time in between.

When We Two Parted – nekosmuse

Summary: At the end of X3, a still depowered Erik travels back in time to meet 1962 Charles. Cue angst, desperate kissing and happy endings for all. Written for the x-men kink meme.

The Burden We Long to Carry – arcapelago (arcanewinter)

Summary: When mutant-supporter and ally President Kennedy is assassinated and all pro-mutant progress is dismantled, Charles is no longer so confident that he’s on the right side, and extends his hand to Erik after a year of animosity. They settle tentatively into their old partnership, but not everything is the same as it was–and not everything can be. When Hank develops a metal frame to move the lower half of Charles’ body for him if he wants it, Erik offers the use of his mind and his ability in order to make it work. Both find out what they’re willing to do for each other, and neither knows if it’ll be enough to keep them together.

Take the First Option – ShowMeAHero

Summary: When Erik becomes unbalanced, Emma presents him with three options: go back to Charles for three months and learn to deal with whatever he has going have going on, lose his Brotherhood, or let Emma control his mind.

He really only has one choice.

When an Unstoppable Force Meets an Immovable Optimist – ToriTC198

Summary: “You are always trying to save me, Charles.” Erik mused aloud. “Ever since you dove into the ocean and dragged me out. Did it ever occur to you that I might not be worth saving?”

A genuine smile broke out on Charles’ face as he brightly answered, “No, my friend, not once. I have every confidence you are well worth saving. But, I never truly believed I could save you. You are not the sort of man who someone saves. The choice to be a better man has always been yours to make and I hold no illusions that I can make that decision for you. I simply have faith that one day you will save yourself. I only hope I am still at your side to witness it.”

- What if Erik and Charles had been able to find a middle ground in the end?

[starlight-ascension]

so tell us about that canon divergence smile precure fic

ok, so it starts with the villains having won, and it’s 2 years after that happened. But don’t worry, the good guys win eventually and undo everything the villains did. 

OK, so Miyuki snapped out of her bad end trance within a few weeks, and almost instantly tried to escape. She managed, but since her teammates weren’t there, she was stuck in a similar limbo to the one when she broke out of the ball of neglect, fighting a monster. But her solo attacks alone aren’t enough to kill it, she needs a combo attack with her teammate in a powered-up form. And since she’s alone, she’s been alternating between battle and hiding out in the camp she made for almost 2 years now. 

Akane is still in the bad end trance. She’s living it up, but she hasn’t spoken to her teammates in years- she doesn’t even remember who they are. 

Yayoi never escaped that despair void that happened when the storybook got inked, which was one of the 3 main catalysts for the villains’ victory. She’s been floating in there for the full 2 years, mostly thoughtless. And emotionless (irl, listening to too many sad songs has ended in me feeling no emotions at all, so i incorporated that, the place beyond the despair where all the emotion just stops). She’s detransformed by now without even noticing. When her teammates manage to get her out, she has amnesia, and it takes a while to get her powers back. 

Nao snapped out of her trance around 7 months ago. Ever since, it’s a constant fight to not fall back under, and a constant search for Miyuki and Akane. 24/7, she looks for them. She knows Yayoi and Reika aren’t there probably, but she doesn’t know Miyuki kind of escaped. 

Reika, meanwhile, I used the fairytale motifs for her. Namely, Sleeping Beauty. She was GOING to be given the same deal as the others, but since Joker hates her in particular, and he survived like in the sequel novel, Reika came VERY close to being killed because there was no way Joker was gonna let her into something with a major aspect of euphoria. She was saved by Royale Candy, but was dying. Royale Candy’s magic managed to keep Reika alive, but in a manner similar to a medically induced coma. (this was another major factor in the villains winning, since they’re now down 2 teammates.) Pop hid Reika away while she recovered very slowly, unable to ever wake until she’s found by her teammates again. Miyuki references the fairytale a few times, and Nao plays the prince (there’s no kissing since she’s, y’know, unconscious, but Nao does most of the fighting against the monster that attacks while they’re right outside the place Pop hid Reika, and she’s the one to do the magic that reawakens Reika and later take her hand while she’s getting up.) I’m debating whether to have the magic component make Reika able to get up right away and fight shortly afterwards, or doing a more whumpy and realistic portrayal of recovering from a coma, albeit sped up due to magic. Leaning towards the latter. 

Speaking of Pop, he’s been running around doing triple duty guarding Reika, trying to save Yayoi, trying to contact Miyuki, Akane, and Nao, and gathering all the magic he can to help Candy. 

Oh yeah, Royale Candy is what sets the plot into motion. She was seriously injured by the villains, which was only made worse by her putting herself in serious danger to save Reika’s life. She disappeared into another dimension to recover. And now she’s recovered completely, restored all her magic and more, and she sends signals to the team about where the others are and where she is. These come in the form of brief visions. Miyuki in what looks like a wasteland, on the ground, fighting as hard as she can against a giant monster. Akane in a hazy theme park, playing a carnival game while enjoying a popsicle. Yayoi floating in an empty pitch-black void, wearing that same sweater and skirt that are now too small for her due to her now being 16, kinda glowing purpleish. Nao in the same area as Akane, calling out to someone, being met with no responses. Reika asleep in her princess form, appearing to be floating in some form of blue light. Royale Candy glowing bright in a pocket dimension. 

And then Nao finds Akane due to the visions and they all know Yayoi is alive and nao and akane back up miyuki and there’s some other stuff. idk how they get yayoi out or how she gets her memories back but she does. idk how they meet up with pop but they do and he leads them to reika. There’s some post apocalyptic survival stuff that goes on while everyone’s getting ready to save the world -oh, the getting ready should be yayoi regaining her memories and reika regaining the ability to do physical tasks! 

And then i guess there’s some cool final battle stuff and movie style ultra form- hey, maybe afterwards, EVERYONE turns into huge glowing goddesses like miyuki, and restores the world!! 

While talking about this i came up with details for it

i should do this more often with the stories where i have an outline and random details and like 1 or 2 chapters at the start that would actually be fully come up with

[snowbellewells]

Self Promo Sunday: Quietly Breaking, Breaking the Chains

We were having some conversation yesterday about how there could have been a lot more possibility for CS fic in the season six finale, particularly in Fiona’s little institution (right @darkcolinodonorgasm​ and @killian-whump​ ? ;)  This isn’t exactly the sort of fic we were envisioning, but I was reminded that I had written this fic not long after the finale.  There’s definitely more of Fiona and her asylum, more of Killian getting to play an active part in the heroics, and more CS than the finale gave us though. Anyway, one particular scene came to me and the rest of the story filled in around it.  It goes canon divergent from where Killian and Charming are climbing down the beanstalk and in how Emma gets out of the Black Fairy's institution, but everything in canon up to that point still occurred. Thanks for reading! I'd love to hear what you think!

"Quietly Breaking, Breaking the Chains"

i. down the rabbit hole

A wailing, screaming, shuddering panic whirled within her mind, clawing up her throat, churning in her gut. The dingy cinder block walls, never exuding safety or comfort, but at least a familiar boredom, were suddenly closing in on her, enough so that she wanted to shrink back into herself, but the one small bit of pride she had left refused to cower before the exultant face studying her, waiting for just that.

"What is it going to be, Dear?" the Mayor practically licked her lips, face moving once again from her strange preoccupation with the flames in the incinerator to the book in Emma's hands, to hold Emma's gaze one again. "If it truly is only a children's book, if it is hurting our son, it shouldn't be so difficult to simply rid us of it once and for all. Come now, you don't want to move backwards, be kept in here forever and never see Henry at all, do you?"

The older woman's voice was syrup-sweet, and she wore a look of knowing concern on her face, but it didn't lessen the tremor of alarm that ran through Emma. Fiona was dangerous. It had always seemed so, though Emma couldn't explain it. As long as she could remember, she had felt it; for as long as she had been in this place and endured the Mayor's patronizing visits. Fiona reached forward, as if to help Emma, to make the task easier, but as soon as those sharply manicured fingertips touched the worn leather of Henry's book, it was like an electric shock of realization ran through Emma. 'No! She can't!' her mind screamed, suddenly finding it imperative that the book of fairytales didn't burn.

Jerking away from the woman's grasp, desperate to save her son's prized possession, Emma stumbled, losing her balance and sending the heavy tome careening to the floor, pages flapping. With a slap, the book landed heavily, open to a page that showed a dark-haired man with kohl-lined blue eyes staring out at her, capturing Emma in a way she didn't understand. She bent to her knees, pulling the illustration closer as images flashed through her head so quickly she was overwhelmed. "Killian…" she whispered softly, certain at last that she knew the man in the picture, somehow. Her tentative, wistful fingers reached out to trace the sculpted features of this man dressed in leather, who inexplicably appeared to be a pirate on the high seas – at least they did until the Mayor's surprisingly strong grasp caught her wrist.

"Now, now, Dearie, let's not go through this again. You know as well as I that the people in there aren't real." Fiona moved to take the storybook from her, but Emma pushed it away, shielding it behind her own body.

"You can't!" she exclaimed, a surge of energy pulsing through her veins, feeling more herself and more alive than she could recall.

"I warned you of indulging these delusions again," Fiona purred. With a snap of her fingers, two burly orderlies appeared out of nowhere, seeming to materialize from the shadows of the room. Emma tensed to fight, but in her muscle-weakened, medication-blurred state, she didn't stand much of a chance, sadly not even remembering her magic. She got in a wicked kick at one and a punch which glanced off the meaty shoulder of the other, but soon they had her pinned and writhing helplessly in their grasp, holding her for Fiona as she stepped forward with a syringe in hand, malicious smile on her face.

Patting Emma's cheek in a way that made her skin crawl, though at the moment she was powerless to brush off, Fiona hissed right in her face, "Why must you fight me, Miss Swan? I will still have my way in the end, but now you will suffer instead of having your freedom to go in peace." She gave her two henchmen a nod, and their grip on Emma tightened further.

Emma bucked wildly, screaming her frustration, anger, and fear to the solid walls that only trapped her alarm and echoed it back, unheard by any who could help her. She kept struggling vainly, the beautiful blue gaze of the man in the book now in her head and her heart, begging her not to give up. But then she felt the needle's prick, and it took frighteningly little time for her body to numb and fail her. She was still aware, but unable to move at all when she was carried from the room and taken back to her cell on Fiona's cackled orders.

ii. up the beanstalk

As the beanstalk began to fall, Killian's gaze flew to his father-in-law, clinging with clenched jaw and determined grip to his side of the vine-y tower. The whole thing wobbled precariously, shaking and swaying back and forth in the breeze; it wasn't going to hold. Pirate and prince's eyes met across the green, knotted leaves and sprouts and both knew it without speaking. If the wrong sudden tilt or dip didn't cause a foot to slip loose and make them tumble, the whole thing was about to crash to the ground on its own.

Bile rose in Killian's throat, his heart racing painfully at the idea that this truly was the end; he wasn't going to make it back to Emma and Henry, or be there to help her in what she faced. He had been so rash, so foolish, and now Swan's father, his friend and rightful monarch, would pay the price for his recklessness as well. Swallowing down the sour despair and self-loathing, tightening his slipping grip, Killian searched frantically for another way down, a loophole, some chance to still save them – he was a survivor after all – when Dave called out to him over the ominous creaking from their wavering perch and the wind in their ears. "Do you still have the bean?"

Killian looked up at the other man's question, surprised, but plunged his hook more securely into its hold and put his hand in the inner pocket of his vest where he had stowed his plunder for safekeeping. "Aye," he affirmed, fingers closing around it tightly.

"Then toss it," Dave called, his voice strong and certain – a truly fearless leader, stopping just short of issuing a command, but forcing Killian to see the only way he hadn't wanted to consider. "You'll land in the portal and get back to her. What are you waiting for?"

Killian's throat closed even more tightly, forcing him to choke out his response and reveal just how much it cost him. "What? You expect me to just leave you here to die, when you're only in this spot because of my bloody daft idea?"

The Prince eyed him knowingly, his small smile cold comfort in the weighted moment. "I can't go with you, even if we could both hit the portal at a jump, not with this world crumbling to pieces. I can't leave Snow behind. If I fall, I fall. Honestly, I'd prefer that over cowering somewhere while the ground disintegrates beneath my feet."

Killian nodded, a short, tight bob of the head, acknowledging his agreement with Dave's words, but his jaw clenched tightly, still hating the option despite its sense. And yet, he didn't have time to waste. If he refused to use the bean, they were both lost; their effort for naught, and his Swan – his wife – would still be back in her world without them. He could feel her desperation thrumming under his breastbone, right beside his own heart, a part of him as surely as skin or sinew.

"Aye, of course you're right, Mate," he gritted through clenched teeth, readying himself as the beanstalk creaked and tilted wildly again, nearly shaking him loose too soon. "Here goes nothing."

Dave held his gaze for a long moment, as if cementing his determination and approval to his son-in-law for strength. "You'll make it, Pirate," he said solidly, a hint of their joking and long ago rivalry in his words. "Go take care of our girl. I'll be alright."

The pirate captain knew the other man was merely feigning casual bravery; that his survival of this tenuous situation was anything but certain, and yet he had no recourse. "I'll not stop until I am at her side," he vowed.

The prince smiled tensely, a nod of acceptance that needed no further discussion.

Without another moment's hesitation, Killian pulled his arm back, magic bean in his fist, and threw it forward, releasing at just the right moment, watching it fall in a perfect arc. He readied himself to leap, waiting for the telltale swirling of a portal to open far below him. Taking one last deep breath, the captain steadied himself, pushed away from the stalk, and let himself fall, praying that when he landed he would once again be in the same realm as his True Love.

~~~~~~8888888888~~~~~~

When the sky opened to dump him heavily on the rough cement of Storybrooke's Main Street, Killian barely flinched, despite the pain on impact. He was so relieved to be back in the land he had adopted as home, back where his Swan awaited him, that he barely felt the cuts to his palm from the rugged surface, the dizziness of his portal fall, or the roiling of his stomach. He stood stiffly; testing his limbs to make sure nothing was broken, and glanced around hopefully for a sign of which way to go. However, though no sign of his Swan greeted him, as he made his way down the eerily deserted street, wandering toward the home they shared with Henry for lack of anywhere else to start, the lad found him.

"Killian!" Henry's tense voice cut through the evening air, ringing stridently in the quiet that would normally be broken by passing cars, people chatting on the sidewalk, dogs barking, but instead only heightened the paranoia he felt, as if the very breeze was hovering over them, watching and waiting.

The pirate immediately turned at the sound of his stepson calling to him, the sound of the lad's shoes slapping on the pavement growing louder and louder until the teen slammed into him, lanky arms wrapping around his waist and holding on tightly. For a moment, the relief almost overwhelmed the centuries older man; his chest tightening as he encircled Henry's wiry shoulders and clung to him just as desperately. He loved this boy, just as he loved the lad's mother, and only prayed he could offer some modicum of comfort as Henry heaved in a deep breath muffled against Killian's chest to disguise what would otherwise be a hiccupping sob.

When the lad pulled away to look up at his stepdad, his bright, intelligent eyes were wet but equally clear and determined as well. "I'm glad you're here," Henry stated seriously. "I need your help. I know where Mom is, but…but I can't get through to her." His voice wavered slightly, but he pressed on, clamping his mouth shut after he finished to stop the wobbling of his chin. "Now, th-they won't even let me in to see her."

Killian gave him a quick nod of affirmation, hoping to assure Emma's son that everything would be fine. He put his hook on Henry's shoulder and clasped the boy's upper arm with his good hand. "Well then, lead me to her. We will get to her – whatever it takes. Don't you doubt that for a second."

Henry bobbed his head in agreement and set off, headed toward what Hook had always known to be the town's bustling center, where the hospital and town hall were located. Still, they encountered no traffic, and the few people they saw peered suspiciously from the windows or glared at them outright in passing. They were still so few and far between as to send a foreboding shiver down both Author and sailor's spines. 'What had the Black Fairy done to their home?' Killian wondered as they hurried on.

Upon reaching the hospital, Henry cautioned him to be quiet and move swiftly before they snuck in a side entrance for housekeeping staff and carefully made their way down several floors to the basement level by sneaking into stairwells, elevators, and around corners when nurse stations were deserted and orderlies had their backs turned. They reached the dank, underground, almost bunker-like segment of the hospital, the one most knew of but had never laid eyes on, which served as an asylum. The two had used their wits and a clever trick to reach this place once before, but the situation felt even more troubling this time. A chill ran through Killian at the thought of his wife being locked down here in the cold, dark labyrinth of cement and metal doors with barely a window in their stark faces. 'How long had it seemed to her? Did she believe she had been abandoned and forgotten once more?'

"Emma doesn't bloody belong here!" he spat in a harsh whisper, anger making him clench his fist in helpless fury.

"I know that, Killian," Henry tried to soothe, anxiety making his throat almost too dry to speak through and his pulse racing at triple speed, hoping his stepdad could keep himself in check long enough for them to get his mom out of there for good. "But Fiona even has her half-convinced she's unstable. I knew I was right, that I had to make Mom believe again… but no one would listen to me."

"That ends now," Killian swore, holding Henry's gaze resolutely until he saw the youth accept it as truth and know he was no longer fighting alone. "Show me where she is, and we will get her out of here right now."

Like they had done in Isaac's skewed alternate universe, and in this very basement after Emma had vanished with the Darkness, they worked like a well-oiled machine; once Henry had shown him which room he last knew his mother to be in, the lad had waltzed up to the nurse on duty, completely distracting her in conversation that even the dour old battleaxe couldn't worm out of – the two guards standing at Emma's room door drawn over as well, just as they had hoped. Now was his chance, and Killian didn't waste it, slipping behind them all the moment Henry's enthusiastic gestures had them looking the other way, snagging the key off the wall hanger and slipping into the room Henry had indicated as his mom's without a moment's pause or fumble.

However, upon slipping into the cell and pulling the door closed behind him to hide his presence, Killian was frozen stock still by the sight that met his eyes. He had found his wife, but the woman before him on a hospital bed next to the wall in the stark room, was hardly recognizable as his fiery, beautiful Swan. She barely moved, even as he let out an unconscious groan of her name and stumbled forward to reach her. Glassy, unfocused eyes turned to study him, but no expression enlivened their depths.

So struck dumb – both violently angry and saddened near tears by Emma's unresponsive state – it took Killian a few minutes to take in the rest of the horrifying tableau that surrounded her, and when he did, he was sorry, as it indicated a nightmarish reality to which she had been subjected.

Finally snapped from the appalled trance that had struck him, Killian took several more steps forward, still gauging Emma for a reaction even as he catalogued signs of the injustice done to her. The room was so dim he wondered if she could really even see who had entered; the only light came from a high, barred window that allowed a mere shaft of sun into the shadowed interior. He saw a calendar and pictures affixed to the wall before a rickety desk – strange red Xs he couldn't fathom the meaning of marking through certain dates at random. But his heart broke for her at the pictures and messages posted alongside them. "Must Accept Reality" blared the largest, which came before a picture of her parents, one of Henry, and one of himself, all slashed through in black marker with a harsh, succinct warning of "Not Real" scrawled along with it. On the desk was a large and wicked-looking syringe for administering medicine, as he had learned from his own time as a patient following his unfortunate run-in with a car. He immediately distrusted the array of bottles and pills on the surface along with the needle however, somehow sensing that these had been used to render Emma the nearly insensate shadow of herself he saw before him.

He couldn't help going to her after that, hoping to offer some solace in the obvious proof that he did exist, as did her parents and her son. As he came to stand before her, he finally sensed her vision clearing just a bit. Blinking ever so slowly, she swallowed before her mouth moved, working almost lethargically to make some sound escape. Then, almost inaudibly soft, he heard her sweet voice, "Y-You…you're real." The smallest flicker of recognition flared in her gaze, and then, shattering his last defense, a single tear trekked silently down her cheek. Her arm moved as if to reach for him and make sure he was there, but was jerked back by what he suddenly saw were restraints cuffing each wrist to a side rail of the bed. Rage flooded his system afresh at how panicked and helpless his strong, take-charge wife must have felt at being physically tied down, at least until she was drugged into docility, as he was now certain she had been.

His good hand fisted until his nails drew blood in his palm, but he didn't stop. Fearing she might retreat back into the stupor she'd been lost in, he fell to his knees beside her, reaching out to brush her tear away. "Oh Emma," he breathed, forcing tenderness to his hoarse tone, despite the turmoil rioting inside, and already fumbling to loosen the cuffs that held her, "Love, what have they done to you?"

iii. together again

The dark-haired man with eyes blue as the sea was standing there in front of her. Emma blinked disbelievingly, trying to clear her vision and convince her mind to stop playing these games, but the arresting stranger didn't go anywhere, his deep gaze holding her captive even more strongly than it had from the pages of Henry's book. She thought that she tried to speak, to ask him if he was real, but everything felt so sluggish and muted. Whatever the shot they had given her was, it had rendered her almost immobile, and made it hard to think. Her head felt disjointed from her body.

She knew she tried to reach out for him, but something held her back, and in the fog of her brain and vision, she wasn't sure what. He must have heard her anyway, or understood her intention, because despite her thwarted attempt, he came closer. In fact, he fell to his knees beside her bed, and she saw pain and caring and fear for her in his eyes as he wiped the tear she hadn't even felt fall from her cheek. She heard him speak her name – such emotion in the lilt of it, had her name ever sounded that lovely before? Something about it was familiar, just as the illustration of him had been.

Then, he was fumbling to free her wrists. Why was she fastened to the bed? And why couldn't she remember? Terror began to latch onto her, and she was doing all she could not to fall apart, her mind crawling at putting events and pieces of memory together, but racing in anxiety and the feeling that she had been so trapped and out of it at the same time. It was almost a blessing for her handsome rescuer that her body wasn't responding correctly to her brain's signals, or he might have earned a punch or kick in self-defense, just for being so close before she could gather her wits about her.

She found herself calming though once freed, and he soothed her in a low murmur, running gentle fingers and what felt like smooth, cool metal over the raw, reddened skin of her wrists. Soon he was brushing her hair back from her face and rising taller on his knees to look her in the eyes searchingly. "Are you alright, Darling? Are you hurt anywhere else? Can you tell me what you need, Love?"

For whatever reason, however she knew him or thought she did, Emma wanted nothing more than to fall into his arms, cling to him and never let go. Yet, even in her weakened, confused condition, she couldn't quite beg, ‘Just hold me please’, and so nothing came out. She simply stared at him, hoping against frantic hope that she wouldn't blink to find him gone, alone again in her hopeless void.

"It's going to be alright now, Swan. I've got you. You're going to be fine," he promised.

Though she didn't know much else, Emma believed him and took him at his word. When he leaned forward and kissed her at the end of his vow, it didn't feel strange, but right. She didn't flinch away; instead she closed her eyes and welcomed it. The rainbow light that burst and illuminated the air behind her eyelids may have meant she'd completely lost it, but she didn't care. She was rocked to the core with a joy and exhilaration she had never known; it would have blown her off her feet if she had been standing. Opening her eyes, Emma met his equally stunned gaze, all the pieces falling into place.

She gasped for air as the world shifted, her strength returned, her brain cleared, and the curse was lifted from her shoulders. True Love's Kiss had at last gifted its magic to them. "Killian," she whispered adoringly, tracing his beloved face with her fingertips and wondering how she had ever managed to forget him. "You found me."

~~~~~~8888888888~~~~~~

He knew that they needed to move, that he could explain later, but for now they had to get out. Neither he nor Henry had magic to fight their way through with her if they were discovered. And yet, seeing Emma so weakened and lost; confused, drugged, and imprisoned, he couldn't bring himself to push her or order her to do anything – even for her own good. Instead, Killian merely freed her hands, unable to stop touching her, so relieved he had found her and that she was in his arms again.

Though she did seem pleased to see him and some hint of recognition now shone on her face, Killian also sensed that it wasn't a complete knowledge of who he was to her, of their shared history and their connection as husband and wife. For that reason, he valiantly restrained himself, limiting his touches to the skin of her abused wrists, smoothing the wildly matted hair off her face, and wiping away the tear that nearly undid him. Woe to Gold's wretch of a mother if he got hold of her first. What she had done to his love was inexcusable, and the only thing that kept his blood from boiling over was his need for gentleness in the face of Emma's distress.

Despite his best intentions, he did end up holding her to him, easing the cool curve of his hook up and down her spine and allowing her to cling to him and bury her head in his chest. She was shaking slightly, tremors running throughout her body, and he worried again just what had been given to her and what aftereffects might have yet to appear. It would break Henry's heart to see her this way, and Killian dreaded it, but he couldn't in good conscience leave the lad out there as decoy alone much longer. He found himself murmuring calming words against Emma's cheek, promising all would be well, though he was not at all sure how to make it true.

So when she pulled back to look up at him and hope lit in her eyes, along with trust in him and his protection writ large on her face which had always been so tough and self-reliant, he realized he shouldn't have been at all surprised that his heart stopped and restarted again before he pulled her in for a kiss he couldn't contain.

What did stun him, after all the times they had kissed and then had to find another way, the other modes of confirmation and the unspoken disappointments at previous attempts, was the way the world rocked at the impact of their lips. The whoosh of wind he felt swirl around him and the dazzling light that almost blinded him. Somehow, finally, they had been granted the fairytale stamp of approval like her parents before them. His heart soared despite the fear, pain, and anger of the past hours – True Love's Kiss.

The awed whisper of his name on her tongue let him know that much had been set right – her memory and awareness returned to her. Not sure whether to laugh or cry at her stunned repetition of her mother's long ago realization "You found me", he merely held her tighter, placed a kiss to her brow, and smirked briefly, hoping his mate would now be back soon to mock him for it as he gave his own version of the familiar response. "Did you truly doubt I would, Darling?"

Relief seeped into his bones as everything within him slid back to its rightful place, and the world seemed to stop shaking with the threat of destruction from her lost belief. Henry burst into the room behind them and flung his arms around them both, where he was welcomed into the midst of their laughing, crying, locked together heap on her bed. For the moment, for now at least, nothing would tear them apart.

~~~~~~8888888888~~~~~~

From there, things were set right quickly; her devious plan thwarted and genuine reality again restored, the Black Fairy was dealt with in a way that made the havoc she had wrought hard to believe. Killian marveled that her demise had not come about by his own hand or hook after the distress and horror she had caused Emma, but at the moment of truth, Charming had held him back, and it had only taken a second for Killian to know it was right. His mate had merely said he was returning a reminder about vengeance that Killian had offered him, and both knew exactly what was meant. It was, in the end, by her crooked son's own hand that the dark fairy was vanquished. With her evil influence removed and his heart restored, Gideon was returned to his parents a babe once more, for better or for worse the Crocodile's happy ending restored along with Belle's. The rest of their family was returned to them from the other realm, almost as soon as they had exited the hospital, the final confrontation taking place on Main Street. None of the realms they knew had crumbled, thanks to he and Henry's success in restoring the Savior's belief.

Yet none of that or the clean-up, explanations, and details left to be ironed out, mattered as much to Killian in the wake of the Final Battle as did Emma in his arms, walking beside him up the front steps to their home. His first, and in truth only, priority was to see that she was taken care of. That she felt herself again, and knew they would be just fine, that she felt safe and loved, and knew he was still at her side and she wasn't alone, were his only objectives.

Emma told him everything of the false world and circumstances while they had been sent away. How she had doubted herself, doubted Henry, even doubted her own sanity and what she knew to be real. She choked on the words occasionally – guilt, hurt, and a false sense of responsibility threatening to drown her, but Killian merely held her, both arms around her as they sat against the headboard of their bed, her back leaning against his front, his lips and his scruff brushing over her bare shoulder in repeated reassurances that it wasn't her fault, there was nothing she could have done, that no one blamed her, and that she had still managed to save them in the end. It was not the honeymoon night they might have wished for, but the healing together bound them closer all the same.

Eventually, Emma felt some peace, and they lay down to sleep, still wrapped around each other, hoping against hope that they were tangled up with each other so tightly that if something tried to steal between them again in the night it would prove impossible. Kilian's chest ached for her when she woke in the still-dark early morning gasping for breath from a vivid nightmare, but he sadly was not surprised after what she had gone through.

Turning to face him, still in the circle of his arms, Emma stroked her fingers through the dark hair covering his chest until her hand rested atop his heart, in a gesture he had come to adore, both for its protectiveness and its possessiveness as well. "Even when I didn't know who you were to me, or why, I still wanted you near…wanted you safe," she breathed against his skin. "You were still there inside me somehow."

Killian pressed his lips to the back of her neck, mumbling "good" as she shivered at the intimate touch. "I would be lost without you…if you ever forgot and left me behind." He said no more, simply held her until her breathing evened out in slumber once more, and he began to drift off himself. This time had to be the true beginning for them; their time for peace and happiness after so many trials. Nothing could break them apart; as long as they both should live.

Tagging a few who may enjoy: @kmomof4​ @whimsicallyenchantedrose​ @jennjenn615​ @searchingwardrobes​ @hollyethecurious​ @darkcolinodonorgasm​ @sherlockianwhovian​ @killian-whump​ @spartanguard​ @lfh1226-linda​ @therooksshiningknight​ @tiganasummertree​ @thislassishooked​ @winterbaby89​ @blowmiakisscolin​ @resident-of-storybrooke​ @teamhook​ @revanmeetra87​

[loveforpreserumsteve]

Not Without You (Canon Divergence Stucky Fix-It-Fic)

Thirty:

Before Steve could go home, he had one more thing that he had to do. Well, two more things. While Natasha fixed the date on her Time GPS, Steve entered another coordinate. He knew that they'd arrive at the same time, but he still hesitated for leaving her for a moment.

As they got sucked into the Quantum Realm, Steve opened his eyes long enough to watch Natasha shoot off in a different direction than he went. Hoping that she wouldn't be too annoyed when they both popped up on the other side together on the new and improved tunnel platform.

For a moment, Steve had thought about taking Natasha with him, but he knew that he needed to do this alone. It had been too suspicious when he and Tony traveled there. And despite himself, Steve had this urge to see Peggy again. To look at more of her pictures and just spend more time with her since he didn't get to when she was alive. Even if that meant looking around a dark, empty office by himself.

With the suitcase in hand, Steve materialized in the warehouse. A whole bunch of dangerous junk laid around and Steve wondered how they could be so disorganized. Especially when this stuff was dangerous.

Nevertheless, Steve placed the newly restored Tesseract into its place. Letting out a breath of relief, Steve could finally breathe easier. It was done. He could go back and live a quiet, peacefu--

"Steve?"

Spinning around, Steve found Peggy standing there. Her pale skin blanched when she took him in and she quickly grabbed onto the back of a chair to steady herself. Quickly Steve rushed to her before she dropped to the floor.

"You're… You can't… I thought… No…" Peggy attempted to gather herself, but couldn't find her words.

Instead, she simply stared at him with wide eyes filled with so much awe. Of course, she never thought that he survived before he showed up in 2012. Steve's heart ached. He had been blindsided before, only… He wouldn't be able to stay the way his loved ones had.

Reaching up, Peggy touched Steve's face. Almost as though she had been expecting him to vanish. Even when his own arms were wrapped around her, holding her up.

"You're alive," Peggy finally breathed. Steve nodded, and Peggy asked, "How?"

Looking around at all the junk -- and being in a S.H.I.E.L.D. facility that had HYDRA as its under belly -- Steve shifted uncomfortably. Peggy must've understood because she instantly regained herself and removed herself from Steve's grip.

Briskly, Peggy led them out of the warehouse. There was a moment where Steve was self-conscious and worried that someone would recognize him. Especially since he wasn't exactly dressed for the time. Sure, he wasn't in one of his Captain America suits, but his tactical gear was still more modern than what others were wearing.

All but pushing Steve into her office, she closed the door behind herself and closed the blinds. The pair were in complete darkness for a moment before Peggy turned on the light. While Steve blinked his eyes until he was used to the sudden change, Peggy studied him. He wondered what she saw.

"How?" Peggy asked, incredulous that Steve was actually there.

"The ice," Steve answered, taking a seat. Since Steve did, Peggy did too. Steve scratched the back of his neck as he chuckled under his breath, "They found me in it. Thawed me out."

"When?" Peggy's brows furrowed. Anger coloring her expression, "Why wasn't I contacted?"

"Because it hasn't happened yet," Steve thickly swallowed. When confusion seeped back into her, he continued, "In 2012, they found me. Right before the Chitauri attack -- they're aliens." Peggy's brows flew up on her forehead and Steve nodded, "I know. Although that wasn't even the craziest thing that happened. There were more aliens. Gods! Robots who wanted to cause the extinction of the human race. But none of those lived up to… Thanos."

Reaching over, Peggy covered Steve's hand and gave the top of his a squeeze, "It's alright, darling. You don't have to elaborate."

"Thanks," Steve sighed in relief. Eyes flittering over to the frames on her desk, he gestured with his chin, "You have a beautiful family."

"I do," Peggy agreed, beaming. Letting go of Steve's hands, she grabbed a decorative gold frame.  The picture on her wedding day. Showing it to Steve, she said, "This is my husband, Daniel. You saved him, you know. You saved a lot of people."

"So did you, Pegs," Steve replied, getting a closer look at the picture. Half-wanting to see if he could remember the man, but not wanting to spiral down into the black hole of despair that those memories caused him.

Instead of continuing that story, she picked up a frame with different buttons glued to it. A child's art project, perhaps. Steve's smile grew when he saw a picture of the little boy. He had his father's nose and Peggy's smile. Peggy told him, "This is our Steven Michael." Steve's eyes snapped up from the portrait to Peggy while she kept her gaze on her son, "He's so wildly imaginative."

"Pegs," Steve wetly said, his throat tight with emotion. Eyes roaming over the picture of the little brown haired boy as he used his fingers to enlarge his grin and crossed his eyes in a silly gesture.

"And this," Peggy handed Steve a frame decorated with lace, "Is Colleen Angela. She's the queen of pretend and even gives her god mother a run for her money."

"Oh," Steve exaggerated as he touched his heart. The little girl took after Peggy. Especially as she stood there in a power stance with one hand on her hip and the other holding a play wooden sword. Steve gushed, "She's perfect. They both are."

"We're very lucky," Peggy confirmed. After a moment, Steve tore his eyes from the photos in his grasp and looked up at the brunette. Peggy was watching him and she asked, "Are you happy?"

A smile tugged at Steve's lips as he honestly answered, "I am. I wasn't for a long time, but I am now."

"Good," Peggy's smile grew.

Handing the pictures back to her, Steve declared, "I even found Bucky."

The frames fell and clanged against the desk. Wide-eyed, she looked over to Steve again, "What?"

"He didn't die like we thought," guilt instantly coiled in his stomach, "HYDRA got him. They conditioned him… broke him to his very core… for fifty years he was their weapon."

"Steve, we ended HYDRA," Peggy was still in shock.

He shook his head, "We just cut off a head. It grew back and infiltrated S.H.I.E.L.D."

"I beg your pardon," Peggy scoffed, rolling her eyes at the audacity.

"Pegs," Steve said softly.

Peggy spotted the sincerity and cursed, "Zola," before quickly jotting a note down for herself. Something about calling an exterminator, Steve smirked. Shaking her head, she teased, "If only you could forever be here."

"If only," Steve dramatically sighed, earning a giggle from Peggy.

"When do you have to leave?" Peggy asked.

"Soon," Steve reluctantly answered. Wishing that he and Bucky could've lived their lives with the friends they bonded with in the war. Wishing even more that Steve could bring all of them with him to the future. "Bucky's waiting for me."

"Then, it's best not to keep him waiting," Peggy sadly smiled, standing from her desk. Hesitantly, she held her arms open in invitation. Without even debating it for a second, Steve embraced her, holding her close. It had been far too long since he had seen Peggy, or talked to her, let alone hugged her. And really, there was no way that he'd turn down that opportunity.

Reluctantly, he pulled back, dropping a kiss to her cheek as he typed in the time and coordinates on the Time GPS. His heart clenched when tears silently rolled over her checks. His own tears started building as he told her, "Goodbye, Pegs."

"Goodbye, my darling."

[jerkbitchidjitassbutt]

What If I Told You (8)

Characters: Jensen x Reader; Jared Padalecki; SPN Cast members at times.

Summary: You and Jensen have been the closest of friends for years after meeting on the set of SPN, but what will happen when you and Jensen have a kissing scene?

Warnings: Cursing; divorce; break up; angst-ish at times, but mostly fluff. For this chapter: Canon divergence from the show, spn-related sadness.

I consider this an AU, as Jensen is divorced from an unnamed ex in this fic. This is completely a work of fiction, and I wouldn’t want his reality to be any different, this is purely for entertainment.

A/n: Just a tiny bit more until the big one. Special thanks to my rosie for beta-ing this for me.

11 Months Ago

 “You’re going to do what, exactly?” You hissed as the ‘brother’s stood adjacent to their marks. “A soul bomb? What the hell are you even talking about, Dean?”

“You heard me, Y/c/n.” Dean barked. “I have to do this. I have to get rid of her.”

“Your girlfriend, you mean?” you sassed, voice laced with annoyance.

“Don’t!” he bellowed pointing a finger towards you, a gruffness present that was unmistakably Dean.

“Oh, give it up, Winchester. This is just another way for you to sacrifice yourself! Another self-deprecating, ‘I have to save the world because no one else will’ guilt trip you’ve managed to load on your own shoulders! Failing gloriously, I might add, to notice that there are actually people here who are trying to help you!”

Your voice cracked slightly, standing in the library of the bunker with Sam, Rowena, and Crowley, waiting as the witch gathered the ingredients to inlay Dean’s body with a million souls to remove Amara from earth, thereby shredding his very existence with her.

Dean moved closer to you, taking slow, methodical steps. In reality, Jensen was moving towards his secondary mark, following the track given to him by the director.

“I know that, Y/c/n… but there isn’t any other way.”

A single tear shed from your eye as you yelled, “Yes there is! There’s got to be! We can find another way!” you choked.

Sam stood off to the side, witnessing your outburst with a slightly solemn frown.

“Hey.” Dean murmured, closing in to your space, placing his hands on your shoulders. “I’m sorry, okay? I am… but I’m the only one who can do this, sweetheart.” He confided, pain, guilt, and defeat enlaced in his gaze.

He drew a single finger gingerly across your cheek to catch the tear that fell.

“Why? Why does it always have to be you, Dean?”

This was the closest your characters had ever come to any indication of feelings for one another canonically, but in true ‘Supernatural’ fashion, it was brazened with heartache and despair.

Jensen’s stare was heavy with emotion before he pulled your form into his arms, yours wrapping around his midsection as one of his hands cradled your head, placing a chaste kiss to your temple before quickly moving away, an unspoken word left when he moved to stand in front of Ruth, ready to accept the spell.

“Alright. Let’s do this.” He said.

“AND CUT!” the director bellowed across the set. “Reset, everyone! 5 minutes!”

Rushing towards the makeup chair to have the tears wiped from your cheeks, Jensen caught your arm.

“Hey, you okay?” he asked, concern lacing his eyes.

“Um… yeah. I think so.” You answered, wiping at the sides of your eyes with your knuckles.

“Come on, Y/n. That was your first emotional scene. It’s normal to have some issues with it. It’s just you and me now. You can tell me.”

You huffed, an exasperated sigh leaving your lips. “Yeah, uh… that was kind of hard.” You said, your bottom lip trembling.

It was strange, the scene ended, but a lump was still lodged in your throat caging the hurt and sadness that you felt while in character. You weren’t a noob on the show at this point, but it was true that it was your first stint as an actress where you had to get super emotional in a scene. Couple that with the hurried embrace that was intended to leave your character in a state of abandonment and disarray as Dean rejected her support, it seemed to bleed over even after the director called cut. When Jensen, or Dean at the time, took you into his arms, you had felt safe; but it ended as quickly as it came.

So, when he practically whimpered, “Hey, c’mere.” And opened his arms with a sorrowful expression, you were actually a little hesitant to step into his hold, fearing a tightly built damn would break.

But when he circled his arms around your waist tightly, a sense of relief and calmness flooded you from his warmth. A few more residual tears fell as you pressed your cheek into his chest, from nerves and sentiments previously spoken, as he gently rocked you from side to side.

“I know it can be hard, darlin’.” He whispered into your hair, his slight Texan accent making you smile. “Its almost like you’re really there.”

“It was.” You confided. “It was almost like…” you stopped yourself, biting your lip, feeling as though you were about to reveal too much. It’d been about a year that you had been hiding your feelings for your costar, and you didn’t want to blow it now.

“Almost like what, Y/n?” Jensen asked as you cursed yourself. He pulled away and cradled your face in his hands, “Tell me, sweetheart.” He pleaded.

You still had your lower lip pulled between your teeth as you look up at him through your tear stained lashes, his thumbs lightly brushing against the apples of your cheeks where tears still lay.

“It was almost like I was begging you not to leave me.” You confessed, a ball of nerves sinking into the pit of your stomach.

He smiled sweetly and wiped a few more tears, his large hands caressing your face soothingly. He placed a kiss to your forehead and professed, “You don’t have to worry about that, Y/n… ever.”

The memory caused a swirl of emotions as you hopped into the backseat of a large SUV sandwiched between Jared and Jensen with Misha riding shotgun. Cliff was transporting all four of you to the set location for the day, each of you having a specific scene to film in the house that was rented by the studio that was supposed to be yours and AU Dean’s home for the episode. Riding with the three of them was always filled with teasing and torturous pranking, usually on Misha, Cliff merely rolling his eyes with a small chuckle. Clint was following behind, carting some of the other actors and crew members in his car while you elected to share in the hilarity that was sure to ensue in the ‘J2M transport’.

When you piled in, Jared made sure to get in last and take up as much space as possible, practically smushing you and Jensen into one seat of the giant back row. Jensen threw his hands up as you were crushed into his side, a laugh bubbling in his chest at his friend’s antics.

“Good Lord, Moose. Do ya mind?” you giggled as he shoved one of his long legs into your space.

“I’m just trying to get comfortable.” He mused, smirking.

“I can see that… princess.” You cooed mockingly, to which he respondent by contorting his long body into an even smaller space so he could jap you with his knees, pushing you even further into Jensen’s frame.

Finally, as Cliff berated Jared that he needed to get going—although the smile never left his face—Jared settle into his seat, still taking up a good proportion of the available space. Jensen was still leaning against the doorframe with one arm leaning on the armrest of the door and the other splayed across the back of the seat. When you attempted to sit up strait instead of practically laying on him, his arm enclosed around you, caging you into his side as his hand rested on your shoulder.

You looked up at him with a curious smirk, to which he responded by grinning and throwing you a subtle wink. You sort of snuggled back into him, getting comfortable for the ride, only catching the end of a shared, playful look between Jared and Misha.

“So, you guys are coming to Rob’s party tonight, right?” Misha spoke, a bit too cheerfully.

“That’s tonight?” you asked, worry laced into your words.

“Yep. The fourteenth at 7.” He replied, holding up his phone to show you his Google calendar. “We’re getting out by 5 tonight.”

Jared started laughing sheepishly, what could only be described as a chortle, “Hee. Hee. Hee… you have a Google calendar. You nerd.”

“Hey, now.” He defended. “I accept that title proudly.”

Almost as though Jensen could sense your nerves, knowing that the two of you had promised to talk later, he ghosted his lips over the shell of your ear and whispered, “Don't worry… we’ll make time. I promise.”

You closed your eyes and slightly nuzzled into him further, feeling the trepidation dissolve. You began to feel confident that things were going a certain way… Jensen was endlessly flirting, if that was even the word, essentially holding you into the curve of his body in front of the three people he was closest to. Even if the words hadn’t been spoken, his actions were indicating what you had been hoping for the past two years. You two had kind-of-sort-of snuggled before, but this was definitely different. Your grandmother would’ve called it ‘canoodling.’

Before you could respond to his statement, Misha and Jared’s teasing got into a friendly debate, wavering your attention from the concern of your whatever-it-was that was blooming with Jensen as the began to swat at each other. Jared playfully poked at Misha from between the seats while Misha was helplessly batted his hands away.  

“Hey! Children!” you chuckled, sitting up and trying to separate them. “Don't make me turn this car around!” you said, using your best ‘mom’ voice, courtesy of Kim Rhodes.

Before long, you were pulling into the set location shortly after you had settled back into Jensen’s side.

As you received your direction, nerves bubbled slightly as you remembered that you would have to kiss Jensen once more. A wave of heat coursed through you as you were reminded of the feeling of his lips and the way his tongue moved against yours. Granted, as this was for film, there probably wouldn’t be as much of that this time, if there were any, but now with everything sparking to the surface, this kiss may be even more intimidating than rehearsal.

You were pulled to the side as they touched up your make-up and hair. Thankfully the rain had dissipated by now, and all that remained was early morning dew clinging to the leaves and branches of the trees.

You were led into a quaint cottage that had a red front door and a swing on the porch that overlooked a small garden and a large maple tree hovering off to the side. It was impressively picturesque. Quiet and small, but lovely; something you wouldn’t mind having one day.

You were handed a copy of the pages for the scene you were about to film and took a deep breath, eyeing Jensen out of the corner of your eye as he spoke to the director. He always seemed so calm and collected. His brows furrowed as he took calculated mental notes and expressed his wants for the act to unfold. There wasn’t a scene or a stunt that edged his nerves or that he didn’t give every ounce of talent to. You wished you had that ability—to make it so effortless and even lighthearted in the darkest of times on set.

You couldn’t help the way your lips curled at the sight of him, even as you twisted the pages you were given anxiously in your hands. The director gave you your queues and set instructions and positioned you on your first mark.

As you were taking a deep, calming breath (yeah, right), Jensen appeared in front of you.

“You doin’ alright, sweetheart?” he asked, ever present in ‘actor’ mode seeming as though all of his energy was now focused on the task at hand, while you were busy in your own mind and emotions.

You huffed uneasily and replied unconvincingly, “Y-yeah. Kind of.”

He placed his hands on your shoulders and kneaded the muscles that tensed under his touch before grasping the back of your neck gently and pulling you closer to him.

Jensen rested his forehead against yours and encouraged you to take a deep breath. Your eyes fluttered closed but your mind raced, as you feared the multitude of eyes that were trained on the two of you, waiting and wondering, but being in his powerful embrace made your surroundings disappear, even momentarily.

“Remember, Y/n… its just you and me, okay? You don't have to worry. I promise.”

You nodded at his reassurance and opened your eyes to his gaze, “Just you and me.”

He parted from you and took his mark, and the director called, “Action!”

“Hey, Dean. You’re home early! Did you have a good day?” you began, waltzing down the stairs into the living area of the foreign home, trying to seem as energetic as your alternate self, but one with no knowledge of monsters or things to hunt in the night.

Jensen slipped seamlessly into his characterization of Dean, a shocked and worried expression donning his features as he stood in the doorway just off of the porch.

“Y/c/n?” he sighed in disbelief.

Dean had just found his ‘home’ and tracked down what he and Sam believed to be the cursed object that sent them to this world. It wasn’t until he checked the mailbox and saw an envelope addressed to ‘Dean and Y/c/n Winchester.’

“Yeah?” you lightly chuckled, meeting him in the hallway and placing your hands on his chest. “Are you okay, honey? What’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

The scene progressed with Dean standing in bewilderment and quizzing you on the historical events of the timeline he was thrown in to. When he asked your character how many years the two of you had been married, you entered into the lines you’d rehearsed.

“Dean? What’s going on? You’re scaring me.” You recited, choreographing your steps to land on the second piece of green tape.  

The two of you danced around each other in the small space, narrating the lines you were given for the scene until the arc was timed.

“I need you to destroy your grandfather’s pocket watch.”

“What?” you breathed in shock, “Dean, that's all I have left of—“

“I know. Really I do. I’m so sorry, but you have to do it or something bad could happen… to me. And to the rest of our family. You have to trust me, sweetheart.”

As you nodded cautiously, he stepped lightly on his feet to carry himself around the table in the dining room, a set of windows shining a dim light into the small space from behind him. As he rounded, he gave you a slight, subtle nod, as if encouraging you to be prepared for the dialogue to come.

“But listen, Y/c/n…before I go, there’s something I need to tell you; something I could never tell you before, in my other life, because—well, because I’m not brave enough…” he closed the distance between the two of you, tracing his hands along the backs of the chairs that were pressed into the table as he passed, but never removing his stare from your eyes. When he reached you, he traced his fingertips along your hair, careful to avoid disturbing your soft curls.

“I need to tell you how much you mean to me. I—“ he choked, pausing to swallow thickly and run his tongue along his lower lip. “I love you. I always have, from the day that we met. I don’t dare cross this line in my real life, but I don’t know that I’ll get another chance to tell you, Y/c/n. I love you. I’ve always loved you. And I need you to remember that, forever.”

You didn’t fail to notice his improvisation this time—and that he remembered to use the accurate name—your heart fluttered as he looked at you with such sincerity and a passion burning behind his eyes. As much as you wanted to indicate that you caught it in some fashion, whether it be a little change in your facial expression or throwing caution to the wind and pulling him into your arms, the large camera that was less than two feet from you in either direction reminded you of your current need to stay in character. The blocking continued, each camera operator moving in sync to capture each of you from different angles until they backed away slowly, preparing for you to retreat.

“Baby?” You whimpered, pulling from his grasp and backing away slightly. “I’m just going to go call Sam, okay? Maybe he can help.”

As you turned, you felt Jensen’s fingers thread through yours as the director shouted, “Hold!” indicating that you were to stay in your position as they adjusted angles and filters. As you were frozen in place, a light but purposeful brush of Jensen’s thumb back and forth across yours caused a chill to run up your spine, but if you looked in his eyes at this moment, all would be lost, so you continued to face the opposite wall.

“All right, action!”

Jensen’s—or Dean’s—hand gripped your wrist and spun you quickly against him, his hand flying to your cheek to hold you steady as his lips pressed to yours. You brought your hand to his neck when his mouth molded, relishing in the wistfulness as all sensation flooded your system and lifted you into oblivion.

He trailed the pad of his thumb across the apple of your cheek and pulled away slightly, allowing you to remain in his hold.

“Tell me you love me, Y/c/n. Please? I need to hear it, just once.”

Tears pricked at the sides of your eyes at the emotion of the line. Dean was so torn between being with the woman he secretly loved, in a world where he was safe, and being back in the universe he belonged in. The simplicity of his want was not lost.

You gripped his hand that was still on your cheek and let a tear fall, something that wasn’t scripted, “I do love you, D-Dean.” You stammered. “I do. I love you.”

“Thank you. I’m sorry for everything. I hope it all makes sense soon.” He whispered.

Dean placed one more kiss to your lips and retreated, leaving you standing with a bewildered expression and watered eyes. Sam met him out front and they hopped into a hotwired truck to attempt a spell to return them to the correct world, but not before Dean turned and glanced longingly at the small house with a wooden picket fence, a regretful and sorrowful smile on his lips.

You watched the playback with the director, made a few small adjustments to a few lines, and finished the scene.

You and Jensen sat beside each other on the front porch swing and took sips from the waters that were brought to you, both of you resting your elbows on your knees as you swayed.

“You know,” he spoke up after a few moments of silence, glancing down at his boots. “That was probably one of the hardest scenes I’ve filmed in a long time.”

Slightly surprised, you looked at him with confusion, “Really? Why is that?” you asked apprehensively.

“You remember when we filmed the soul bomb scene? How it felt real? Do you remember what you said?”

You nodded, “Of course I do, Jay.”

He directed his eyes to you, emeralds shining in the sunlight, “This time… I was begging myself not to leave you.”

<Series Masterlist / Part 9>

A/n 2: I received an anon ask when I was looking for fic ideas(see below) for a Jensen x actress!reader fic a while ago, but recently got hit with a spark of inspiration. This is based off of the song “What if I Said” by Anita Cochran and Steve Wariner and will be a short mini-series. Also there is a wife mentioned in some parts, but I purposefully left this person nameless as to not insinuate anything for Jensen’s real life.                                                                

Anonymous said: Hi! Just saw your post about looking for fic ideas. I’ve had this idea that I really like where reader is an actor on Supernatural and is friends with Jensen. They have a scene where they have to kiss or even just have to be right up in each other’s space and it makes them realize they like each other. It’s probably a common thing to write about, but I thought I’d ask anyway. Thanks!

[love-in-the-time]

Behind the Scenes of Fic Writing: 30 Questions for Authors

Bear with me while I engage in Pointless Tumblr Exercises!

What was the first fandom and/or pairing that you wrote fic for? Tommy and Kimberly, my first OTP. Now I write Tenth Doctor x Donna, and on my own I write Benson/Stabler and Monk/Sharona. It’s old-school shit in my text documents.

Do you participate in any writing events or challenges throughout the year? If so, what do you like about them? I do not, for I am unable to commit.

Do you write fics from start or finish, or jump around? Jump around, because I usually have a plot in mind and the scenes come to me in random order. Plus sometimes I cut and paste from things I have written in a master document that are waiting for a story to be part of.

Do you outline before you start writing? If so, how far do you stray from that outline? Never. Sacrilege to me. I only ever made outlines in school when I was forced to. I know what I want to say.

What is the perfect environment for you to write in? My room, on my bed, with some TV playing in the background for a palate cleanser when I need to take a break.

If you’re really concentrating, how many words can you write in a day? I’ve never counted but a lot.

Which part of writing do you struggle with most? Endings. Because I know where I want to go, I sometimes don’t want to write what’s necessary to get to the ending. I can see this in some of my fics, where I rushed to the ending.

Do you listen to music while you write? If so, share a song that’s been inspiring you lately. Depends on my mood. Sometimes, and it’s usually songs I would associate with the pairing for whom I am writing.

Do you prefer to write AUs, canon divergence, or canon-compliant fic? I tend to write canon-compliant with my inserts of divergence here and there. Especially for Ten and Donna, the possibilities for them are endless, so I can add my own touches to the DW universe.

Do you enjoy writing dialogue, exposition, or plot the most? Dialogue, especially if I feel I have a really good grip on the characterizations.

If you could only write angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your life, which would it be? Probably opt for fluff so I can keep some semblance of joy associated with the act of writing, lol

Is there a trope you haven’t written yet but really want to? SO MANY. SO many. I forget them all.

Is there a trope you wouldn’t write if it was the last trope on earth? Yes, absolutely.

If you were stuck on a desert island with only two characters, which would you pick? 100% Doctor and Donna. No problems.

A Hollywood producer tells you that they want to film just one of your fics. Which fic would you want it to be? The Destiny of Stars, the most recent Donna Noble fic I wrote. I wrote it with filming in mind even though that would never happen.

What is your most underrated fic? I don’t have one. I don’t think of my writing that way.

What fic are you most proud of? A bunch of them. My most recent Ten and Donnas are some of my favorites.

What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene. Donna confronting the Tenth Doctor about the mindwipe, when an incarnation of the Tenth Doctor has been created by amplifying (the 12th Doctor thought he was extracting) the Time Lord energy from her brain using the TARDIS core. To me, Donna’s only choice in that scenario was either to lose her mind and kill herself or spend the rest of her life terribly sad and bereft and never understand why. So for her to get a chance to say to the Tenth Doctor all the things she needed to say, and to have him remind her why he refused to let her die, and not to have her forgive him right away, is so very important. “It was never going to happen in the first place, so why ask?” he demands of her. “You already know I would save you over everyone, so why would you think I’d ever change my mind about that? Whatever face I have?” “Because you killed me,” she says, her throat closing up over the urge to cry. “I saved you.” “You took away the only good and true thing I had ever had!” Donna shouts, and then bursts into tears again. “I couldn’t get rid of the feeling that I had lost a reason to live and I didn’t know why!”  AND THIS IS CANON BECAUSE IN IN THE BLOOD FIEF ASKS HIM IF HE WOULD REALLY SAVE ONE OVER THE MASSES, AND HE REFUSES TO ANSWER.

Who is the easiest/hardest character for you to write about? Why? Easiest is Donna Noble because I’m most comfortable with her backstory and her characterization. I also like how I write Olivia Benson, and Sharona Fleming.

What’s your favorite minor character you’ve written? I don’t have one! I love them all. Maybe Wilf Mott.

What is the one fic that got away? One? Just one?

Have you cried while writing a fic? Absolutely. I have felt the existential emptiness that I write about lol

If you had to remix one of your own fics, which would it be and how would you remix it? I don’t know. What an interesting question.

How did you come up with title for The Destiny of Stars? It is a Neil DeGrasse Tyson quote: “It is the destiny of stars to collapse.”

Which idea came to you first in The Duke of Sussex? The part where Geoff asks the Doctor if Donna is his wife. I wrote it from both sides, one where Geoff asked Donna if the Doctor is her husband, and decided I liked the Doctor’s better, since it gave him a chance to admit how he feels for her.

Which part of Lay By was the hardest to write? Deciding how many times the Doctor was going to wake up or be sick. I had one additional scene but it was just too much torture.

If you were ever to do a sequel to The Destiny of Stars, what do you think might happen in it? I would like to see Donna introduce her baby to the Thirteenth Doctor and see how they would bond as two women.

In The Fires Of Pompeii: Epilogue, what is a happy, post-fic headcanon you have about [pairing]? That the Doctor and Donna thereafter have lots of fun and gratifying sex while traveling the universe.

Send me a word. If it’s in your WIPs, include the sentence and a short summary of the fic. Donna laughs, even through the rolling tears. and says, “And I will never despair of him, no matter what. I found him again. I don’t have to lose him again. He’s mine, and I will destroy you and anyone else who stands in my way.” The Doctor and Donna stumble on Machiavelli and Da Vinci’s plans to divert the Arno River to strangle Pisa in Cesare Borgia’s quest for dominance, and foil them.

Tell us an idea for a longfic you want to write in the future. I would like to write the Arno River fic. I have some ideas and some scenes written. It goes without saying Cesare Borgia would set his sights on Donna.

[destielharlequinchallenge]

Coming soon from the DHC

Title: Missing Our Same Old Us

Created by: noxsoulmate

Summary: Agent Dean Winchester of the FBI, one of the most respected and feared men in the classified Supernatural Defence Agency (SDA), is secretly but happily married to fellow agent Castiel Novak. With their romantic relationship and marriage concealed from other agents, Dean and Castiel will face the greatest threat yet to their love for each other. A mission in Purgatory leads to Castiel losing all his good memories of Dean and reverting back to who he was before they really got to know one another: a gay man with severe internalized homophobia and deep hatred for Dean. While the team races to find a cure for Cas' amnesia, Dean is also desperate to save his marriage and bring back his beloved best friend, lover, and husband.

Rating: Explicit

Major Warnings and Tags: no ao3 warnings apply; memory loss, enemies to lovers, emotional pain and suffering, pining, smut, established relationship, secret relationship, implied homophobia, FBI agents, case fic with blood and gore, canon divergent

Where to find more work by this creator: ao3 and tumblr

Preview:

“Fine then, Winchester,” Cas said, gaze back on Dean, scrutinizing. “How on earth did we end up as friends?”

“Wow, okay.” Dean couldn’t help his chuckle, as he gazed down at his hands, smiling.

This was so … so Cas. It was endearing. Cas hardly tried to be subtle. If he wanted to know something, he would go for it, no side steps. It’s what made him such a damn good agent.

Sorting his thoughts, Dean looked back up to answer. “I guess it was a subtle process. What’s the last encounter with me you remember?”

Cas answered in a heartbeat. “The mission with that siren.”

“Ah, yeah.” Rubbing the back of his neck, Dean forced down the embarrassment and a touch of despair. He needed to stay focused. “Of course it would be the hunt I sucked at.”

“You flirted with a suspect, let him seduce and almost kill you while you were under his charm and very naked in his bed. You were so out of it you actually attacked me when I came to save you. I think ‘sucked’ doesn’t quite cut it.”

“Yeah, I know,” Dean admitted instantly, hoping to calm Cas down. One of the machines was beeping louder now - most likely his heart rate - and Dean had no desire to explain to a nurse why that was the case. “And I apologized for it, trust me. Multiple times. I mean, you still bring it up now and then, of course, but you’ve long forgiven me for it.”

“I find that very hard to believe. Not as hard as to believe we’re actually friends, but still.”

Dean tried to ignore the sting to his heart at hearing those words. “Look, Cas.” He flinched when he realized the nickname had slipped out but still continued. “Two missions later, I saved your life because you completely misjudged the situation. In the last ten years, we’ve saved each other more times than I can remember. Neither of us would be here without the other. I know you only remember our first few - admittedly bad - encounters. But a lot has changed since then.”

“Obviously.” Cas’ voice had grown cold and hostile again. But he asked his next question anyway. “I see you joined the FBI for real?”

Dean nodded. “Around 2010, Henriksen’s idea of a special force to fight the Supernatural became reality and the FBI recruited some Hunters.”

“Who recruited you?”

Looking at Cas with a lopsided, apologetic grin, Dean didn’t need to wait for long before Cas swore under his breath and, shaking his head, demanded: “And you thanked me by stealing my promotion? How come you’re team leader and not me?”

It was weird, really. Things that had become so normal for the two of them over time were now something Dean had to break gently to his husband. How on earth would they ever get to the point of Dean explaining to Cas how they fell in love? How would he explain to him that they were married, when he could hardly find the words to make Cas believe Dean hadn’t actually stolen the position from him?

POSTING IN AUGUST TO AO3

[bookworm-2692]

Reader ask meme: A10, B6, C4 and D2?

Questions are from here!

A10: Who did you have your first fanfic-related conversation with? What was it about?

I… don’t remember? First irl conversation? Or online? Online would be someone from the Salad on Dreamwidth in the comments section in like 2014??? Real life… maybe my sister @adrift-in-eden or my friend @lebannabell or another friend who doesn’t use tumblr. Or maybe… wait I remember when I was young and my dad downloaded these “James Potter and the X” ebooks (here is the first on Goodreads), as well as Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality or something? It’s only now in hindsight that I realise they were fanfic lmao. I read the James Potter ones, I remember enjoying them. My dad talked about the Methods of Rationality all the damn time! He found it absolutely hilarious, tho I never read it. I think those would have been the first conversations about fanfic, given that I remember not knowing that term in those days (a couple of months ago my sister and I were talking about this fic at the beach in the ocean and my dad overheard some and started talking about Methods of Rationality again (bc we tried to make him go away by saying “hp fanfic” but he didn’t and instead started relating to us) and it wasn’t until that moment that I was like “hey that’s fanfic… those James Potter ebooks were also fanfic… wtf”, so I clearly didn’t know the term fanfic back when I first read them). 

Looking on the Goodreads now, JP1 was published 2007, JP2 in 2008, JP3 in 2010 and JP4 in 2013. JP5 wasn’t published until 2017. I definitely read 1-3 all at once, and definitely did not read #5. From the title on the Goodreads I feel like I recognise #4? Nope ok so I went into iBooks, and I have 1-3 but not 4 or 5. So my dad downloaded them somewhere in 2010-2013? I remember being disappointed it stopped at number 3 lmao. Trying to work out exactly, but all the other ones of his I read were published in 2008 so that doesn’t help. It was definitely after I read the whole series, and I know I started after the last book came out in 2008, and had definitely finished the series multiple times by year 5 or year 6 (2010/2011). So I would’ve read my first fanfic in maybe 2011 or 2012 lets say, at the age of like 12 or 13, and the first fanfic conversation would’ve been with my dad, and would have been about that fic he sent me lmao

B6: What is your favourite story trope? Why?

Um idk about trope?? But I really like stories where it’s like… one tiny thing changed, which changes the entire plot. Canon divergence fics. For Want Of A Nail I think it’s called on TV Tropes? Like all the NDRV3 fics where (spoiler alert) Akamatsu isn’t executed, because Saihara lies that he killed Amami and Monokuma rolls with it, or because he actually killed Amami, or instead Chapter 1 goes as canon, but instead Saihara is the second victim, or changes to Chapter 5: Saihara is Ouma’s hostage, or both Ouma and Momota are in the Exisal, or if they play by the rules in Chapter 6. I also really enjoy when canon mentions a thing happening, but not in any great detail, but then a fic goes over that event in great detail. For example, the First Nonary Game in Zero Escape, or the events of VLR from Phi’s POV, or the audition process in NDRV3 and showing how they actually “become” their characters. Also wasn’t it mentioned somewhere that Hongou went through Gordain’s Game? Dammit this is almost turning into a rec list from me. I guess I just really like long detailed fics with a good plot? 

Since some of my favourite fics didn’t manage to fit into the above: (Danganronpa) after the events of DR1, Naegi is kidnapped by Ultimate Despair, (Danganronpa) a time loop AU where we see the loops that lead to the canon timeline, rather than that one being the first one, (Harry Potter) Salazar Slytherin’s brother crawls out of his portrait during Harry’s fifth year ready to be the competent teacher Hogwarts needs (here is my longer recommendation to this fic that I posted a few days ago), (Harry Potter) Harry gets adopted by loving Muggles as a baby and raised in a loving home, (Harry Potter) Draco and Harry another others are 24 and professors at Hogwarts, this expands on the ideas of wizarding Lords and Ladies and has super amazing worldbuilding/characterisation, (Harry Potter) a series of wonderful “what if AUs”, (Harry Potter) 19/20 year old Harry wakes up in a 14 year old Slytherin body in 1942 - deals with Slytherin politics in such a Gryffindor way, it’s absolutely beautiful, (Harry Potter) a Muggle becomes the Weasleys new neighbour, and they all think she’s actually a witch, (Zero Escape) the boys are playing DND over Discord and now a real life mystery is occurring, (Zero Escape) snippets leading up to Dcom, and also during the experiment, (Zero Escape) a look at what happens after ZTD, and how they try to continue saving the world (it’s very good), (Zero Escape) random scenes from every timeline, (Zero Escape) a complete AU, Crash Keys are doing crime, it’s good stuff, (Zero Escape) the story of 1904 Phi (also really good)

I’m now getting tired but if you want more fic recs then please just ask! Also if you have your own fic recs please send them to me!

C4: What thing that fandom loves do you actually kind of hate? Why?

To be honest? The shipping. Like I’m not an anti-shipper, I’m not trying to stop people from shipping. You do you boo. But I just sort of dislike when shipping gets shoe horned in unnecessarily? Similar to how I dislike romance subplots and love interests being added to mainstream media “for the sake of it”. If it’s needed for the plot (or extremely well done) then it’s absolutely fine. But if it has no bearing on the plot, or is badly written, or feels OOC or something, then it annoys me. Generally it’s fine though, but.

D2: Who/Where did you get your last fic rec from?

I think my sister?? When she was reading a lot of Harry Potter fic, she’d send me the best of them and I’d open the links and just have the tabs open until I got around to reading them. I was at uni and busy, so I just kept on accumulating links, and she wasn’t even sending me every single thing I read! She’s since moved on to reading another fandom (and hence hasn’t been sending me any fics in a while), but I still haven’t caught up on all she sent. Some of them were really good though, super amazing.

[charbax]

With This Ring

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Paladins: Champions Of The Realm (Video Game) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Major Character Death Relationships: Strix/Viktor (Paladins) Characters: Strix (Paladins), Viktor (Paladins) Additional Tags: Death, Explosions, Angst, if u cant tell by the tags this aint a happy fic, im sowwy, Marriage Proposal, Marriage, yes straight afterwards, Suicide, TLDR its twin suicide with grenades so uhhhhh be mindful, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Kissing Series: Part 1 of Unwound Timeline Summary:

Outnumbered and trapped, Strix and Viktor reminscence over their martial status and decide to get hitched. WARNING: not a happy fic, as this takes place in Atlas' confirmed dark future.

AO3 link here

-

They slam the door behind them. Viktor moves from Strix’s side to barricade the door with a nearby bookcase, spilling the ruined books across the floor. Strix stumbles to the wall furthest away from the door, turning around to press his back to it and slide downwards, haltingly. Viktor joins him a moment later, copying his movements to drop down next to Strix, panting hard.

“That was my last round.” He gasps out, tossing his empty rifle to the side. He pats his chest reassuringly though. “Two ‘nades left though.”

Strix manages to dig out his pistol – he lost his sniping rifle a few hours, days ago, he’s not sure – and clicked it open. “No ammo. No flares either.” He counts. The gun too joins the other one and he gazes at it forlornly, head dipping down to rest against Viktor’s shoulder. It’s quiet, save the sound of their breathing in the room, but they know the silence is just a mask for the oncoming horde of darkness who will be crashing through their weak defences in a few minutes time.

The rest of the room offers no other weapons either. It’s been looted enough that only furniture and useless knick-knacks remain, nothing that could even hold off the darkness for long. They are wallowing in a trap of their own making. Viktor seems to notice it too, for his hands feels for Strix’s own to hold in a vice-like grip. “Think that bought them enough time?” He rasps.

Strix nods. The beings are truly of their nature, and would not be able to resist the siren call of Strix’s flare that burns just beyond the cabin’s door. They will not be pursuing the small group of survivors following the original escape route to lands yet to be touched by the darkness. Strix and Viktor have done their part. Strix just hopes that the group – Kinessa with them – follows the plan too.

For once since this nightmare started, he lets some of his paranoia go. There’s no use in staying vigil for the beings he knows will be coming soon. All that’s there is to wait for their ends. Still, Viktor is a reassuring warmth next to him, even if he privately wishes Viktor went with the survivors while he still could. But Viktor had stayed stubborn now and forever it seems, refusing to let his lover face the darkness alone. “If you’re going to buy time, then I can double it.” Viktor had said, fire burning in his eyes.

The fire is smouldering ash now, his eyes filled with a different sort of determination. Determination to face death with dignity, side-by-literal-side with Strix. Rather than despair, a strange calm overcomes Strix. He turns his face to Viktor’s. “Cigar?” He quips.

Viktor’s grin is fleeting, but warm. Luxuries like smokes had run out years ago; the jokes hadn’t. One of the things Strix treasures about their relationship. “Oh yeah, I’ll ask our friends outside if they can spare one.” Viktor replies, then sets his face seriously again, subject change imminent. “I wish we had more time.”

“Had enough to pull our heads out of our arses and realise what we had.”

“I know but...” Viktor trails off, in thought. “We didn’t even get to tie the knot.

“The lack of priests might also be another reason.”

Viktor huffs out a laugh. “Then let’s do it now.”

Strix straightens up a little more. “What?”

“Why not now? Seeing as...” Viktor gestured to the door. “Now’s better than never.”

Strix smiles slightly and says, “Is this a proposal, Vitya?”

“If you’ll have me.”

“Of course sir.” Always, and forever.

Both their heads whip around when the warm atmosphere is broken by the banging at the door. They’ve been found at last. Now filled with agency, Viktor detaches the last two grenades from his belt and holds one aloft. With his other, he holds Strix’s hand and looks at him adoringly, ignoring the screeches and roars outside their makeshift haven.

“I take you, Strix, to be my husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. Literally”

The last part makes Strix smile grimly, but he copies Viktor with the other grenade. The banging is getting louder, and now there are splinters flying off the doorway from the force of it.

“And, I take you, Viktor, to be my husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.” Strix echoes.

Wood splits. Claws and sickening red light seep through. Now, the cries for blood almost drown out Viktor’s next words.

“With this ring, I’ll marry you.” He pulls out his grenade’s pin with his teeth, dropping the live ‘nade onto his lap to hold thread the circular metal onto Strix’s ring finger.

“And with this ring, I’ll marry you.” Strix repeats him, and slides the ring onto Viktor’s own finger. He takes a moment to admire the sight of their hands clutched together, the bands shining in the deadly red glow just outside their door.

Viktor lays a hand on his cheek and leans in, eyes never leaving his, “I pronounce us husbands.”

Strix closes his eyes and kisses Viktor gently as the monsters break through the barricade. There is a split second of dreadful roaring, creatures thrashing in the doorway, the taste and softness of Viktor’s lips against his own.

Then the grenades go off.

[waywardwilled]

something familiar, something mundane

[ tags: castiel/dean winchester, angst, au canon-divergence, major character death ] [ special thanks to: @petrichoravellichor​​ & @zephyrie​​ <3 ]  (check out the work on ao3!!) 

Dean awoke from his sleep grumbling. His face was too hot, nothing felt comfortable, his head felt like it was being pricked by a dozen needles at once, and somehow his ears could hear both himself and the overwhelming sound of silence.

The bed shifted beside him, and from the weight alone, he could tell it was Cas. Or maybe it was the shifting of the trench coat, or the way he moved around Dean.

“I brought you some water.”

Without opening his eyes, Dean felt for the glass and immediately dismissed it, placing it on the table beside his bed. His hand went to grab Cas’ wrist and needily brought the angel’s hand over his cheek.

Cas let his hand cradle Dean’s face, almost instinctively passing his grace through Dean’s being, healing and ridding him of his pain.

Dean let out a sigh of relief he didn't know he was holding until he felt the cold, refreshing grace course through him. It felt familiar. It felt like Cas.

Cas pulled his hand back just as Dean began to lull and roll into his palm. Immediately missing the warmth of skin-to-skin contact, he peeked open an eye. Cas looked how he always did. A trench coat, a fond look, and a kind expression. Dean could barely suppress the smile that threatened to break out on his face.

“What time is it?” Dean asked.

“Noon,” Cas answered. “Sam found a case, and Jack wants you to teach him how to play golf.”

Dean raised an eyebrow as he reached for Cas’ hand again and pressed it against his hair. “Golf?”

An easy smile slid its way onto Cas’ face, and he began to slowly card his way through Dean’s lovable bed hair. “He heard from Claire that you two had fun playing miniature golf. I suppose you should expect Claire to call you soon about fishing.”

Dean’s lips twitched, and he bit back a grin. It was too early for feelings. He needed at least eight cups of coffee before he was allowed to exist. “The case?”

“Sam thinks it’s a wraith that's found an addictive episode with those who have addictive episodes themselves.”

��A wraith hooked on junkies?”

Cas took a second to consider the rewording before accepting it as a valid one. “Yes.”

Cas dragged his hand down to the small hairs on Dean’s neck before settling his thumb onto Dean’s jawline, drawing circles and patterns into the stubble and the skin he could reach.

Dean didn't have time to repress the shivers that crawled up and down his spine. He gripped Cas’ wrist, pressed a kiss into his palm, and slung himself up. His stomach grumbled as he stretched and leaned forward to press a soft, casual kiss onto Cas’ lips. The morning routine was familiar.

“Burgers first, and then murder.”

Cas wrinkled his nose at the wording. “Then saving people .”

Dean chuckled as he slipped on a new pair of clothes. The cotton t-shirt felt soft and familiar against his skin. “Doing what we do best,” Dean agreed.

The floorboards barely made a creak when he stepped out into the hall, Cas’ barely audible footsteps in tow behind him. The disturbances that echoed in the walls of the old bunker around them were familiar.

When he made his way into the kitchen, Sam and Jack were there, already ready for the road.

“Look who’s finally up,” Sam greeted.

“A man needs his beauty rest,” Dean gestured at himself. “This doesn't come naturally.”

“Can we go to a golf course later? Or maybe even a mini-golf course?” Jack’s eyes were lit up with excitement, his body shaking from barely containable glee.

“Sure, kid. Don't think too much about it when I ultimately take Mini Golf Champion, though. Unfortunately for you, I’ve been playing in that arena for years.”

Sam rolled his eyes but smiled at their light-hearted banter.

Cas’ presence and the warmth of his body was solid beside Dean. The casual exchange of words was familiar. The hearth of his family burned brightly. That was familiar, too.

Baby’s engine rumbled and light vibrations spread throughout the car; a settling feeling Dean appreciated no matter the mood he was in. He gave her dashboard an appreciative pat. As he adjusted the rearview mirror, he spotted Cas in the backseat with Jack, talking to him in a low voice.

Jack nodded intently, and Cas’ mouth graced with a light smile. Soon, Jack was smiling brightly and replying with the cheerful tone in his voice that Dean never got tired of. Sam finished inputting the directions into the GPS, and they headed off down the long road Dean had grown so used to by now. The asphalt that no doubt heated up behind them was familiar. The stature of trees that passed by was familiar. The weight of his family sat stable and heavy in the seats of his car and Dean was grateful for that familiarity.

With ears full of happy chatter and Baby moving underneath his fingertips, he realized he was happy. And he was. He really was. Dean thought he had become a man who needed a constant battle to fight to truly live, but he hadn't, and the relief that hit him was lasting and true. A cheesy and delightful thought flowed happily through him,

Maybe mundane wasn’t so bad after all. But the small things in life made it better. The chatter made it better. Their presences made it better. His family made it better.

Dean awoke from his sleep grumbling. His face was too hot, nothing felt comfortable, his head felt like it was being pricked by a dozen needles at once and somehow his ears could hear both himself and the overwhelming sound of silence.

The material beneath him was hard, and pieces of broken rocks and scattered books dug into his back. It felt nothing like the comfy memory foam mattress of his bed.

He didn’t realize how tired and stuck together his eyes were until he tried to crack them open. He didn’t realize how dry and irritated his throat was until he tried to speak.

“Sammy? Cas?”

With a considerable amount of effort, Dean pulled himself upright. The bunker’s emergency lights were flashing and dust was slowly wafting through the air. Dean squinted through the red alarming backdrops around him.

“Jack?”

His eyes fell on the Ma’lak box. Broken wide open, and the Nephilim supposedly trapped inside was nowhere to be seen. Suddenly, everything came rushing back.  

The despair, the grief, the emotions that racked his chest. The ‘accident’ that broke him down to his bare instincts. Protect Sammy. Protect Cas. Protect his family. Protect his familiarity.

On the other side of the room, he spotted a large outline against the dimly lit room.

Sam.

Dean’s heart barely reacted, and he thought it might’ve stopped. His little brother laid unconscious, head propped up against the wall at an odd angle. From his temple, a good stream of blood, once flowing freely, was now preparing to settle in and crust.

“Sam!” Dean croaked out and wobbled over to his little brother as fast as he could.

Just as he came within arms-length, his feet caught and he tripped on nothing. With a glance downwards, he quickly realized that it wasn’t nothing.

On the ground were burned imprints of angel wings. Angel wings that were connected to a body. A body that was wearing a trench coat and a soot-covered blue tie.

No. Weakly fluttered through Dean’s mind, before he swallowed dry nothingness.

He let his body flop onto his knees and gazed around at the mess. Sitting between his angel and his brother, he realized the bunker was shaking and on the brink of collapse. The ceiling spawned more and more cracks by the second and pieces of concrete in the walls crumbled inwards. His heels gave out under him and he didn’t have a single care left about falling on his ass.

He didn’t feel scared. He didn’t feel panicked. Strangely, it felt familiar.

The bunker vibrated and creaked around him. The scorching heat left by Nephilim grace burned in the Ma’lak box behind him. The fabric of his clothes laid the same against his skin.

The knowledge of his family’s end settled rather easily into him.  Eerily easily into him, but he wasn’t in the right mind to tell anymore. The coldness of their bodies numbed him until he couldn’t feel, couldn’t think, and couldn’t tell the time ticking away around him.

As the dust filled his lungs to the point he couldn't draw air, and as the ceilings crumbled down on him, he gripped his broken family and thought,

Maybe mundane wasn’t so bad after all. But the small things made it worse. The creaking and groaning made it worse. The sight of their unnaturally contorted bodies made it worse. His family made it--.

(ao3) (fic on ao3)

[ashleybenlove]

Title: No More Sixsome

Prompt: 27th Oct: “Can’t you listen to me?”

Fandom: How To Train Your Dragon

Pairing: Hiccup/Astrid/Fishlegs/Snotlout/Ruffnut/Tuffnut (polyamorous gang), Snotlout/Mala

Word Count: 1015

Rating: General

Warnings: Arranged marriage

Disclaimer: I don’t own the source material in this fanfic. That’s to whatever company or person owns it. I would never claim to own it.

Notes: There are probable influences from fandom and whatnot in this story. In particular, @evilwriter37’s “Ball, Chain, and Dagur” (warning for sexual assault) because of the whole arranged marriage trope. For HTTYD Rarepair Week 2018 @httydrarepair. This fic takes place during Race to the Edge, particularly season 4 and later, but diverges from canon. This is also on AO3.

And it is under the read more.

    “Look, I’ll talk to my father. I’ll see what he has to say about this whole… you having to marry Mala deal,” Hiccup said.

 “Can’t you listen to me?” Snotlout said. “I don’t want to marry her! My heart belongs to the Dragon Riders. I’d rather marry you guys.”

 “I know, I know,” Hiccup said soothingly. His hand caressed Snotlout on his back in an attempt to be comforting. “That’s what we want as well.”

       Shortly before the gang were to head back to the Edge after all that happened when Hiccup was kidnapped by bounty hunters during the celebrations on Berk, Hiccup spoke with his father about the Mala wanting to marry Snotlout issue.

 “I mean, she’s an incredible ally, and Thor knows my Riders and I need some allies in our fight against Viggo Grimborn, but she also wants to marry one of them. Snotlout’s supposed to compete in these trials and apparently, she was foretold that someone would save her and they would become her King? But Snotlout’s been incredibly clear. He doesn’t want this. And if I’m honest, I don’t want it either.”

 “Why wouldn’t you want to cement an alliance with marriage?” Stoick asked.

 “Because Snotlout deserves to marry a pers— people he loves?” Hiccup replied. “Duh?” Hiccup did a gesture with his shoulders and arms that could basically be described as a shrug.

 “‘People’?” Stoick repeated. “‘People he loves?’”

 Hiccup yelped mildly, realizing what he said.

 He paused and then quoted his own father, “‘There can be no secrets between us.’ Yeah. The Dragon Riders and I, the ones from Berk— so not Heather— we’ve been romantically involved since shortly after we arrived on the Edge.”

 “Is it serious?”

 “I’m sort of hoping to one day marry the five of them,” Hiccup said. He smiled hopefully.

 Stoick nodded. He then sighed.

 “It’s going to be four,” Stoick said.

 Hiccup gasped like he’d been stabbed.

 “I’m sorry, son. Snotlout has to marry Queen Mala. He has to compete those trials successfully. No failing on purpose or funny business.”

 Hiccup interlocked both sets of fingers, looked down at the table, placed his interlocked hands so they were resting on his forehead with his thumbs framing his forehead, effectively hiding his face. He released a heavy sigh.

 “I hate this,” Hiccup whispered. “And I have to break the news to him.”

 “I’m sorry, son. But, I am very happy that you’ve found love and happiness with your friends,” Stoick said, gently.

 “Said right after you turned a sixsome into a fivesome,” Hiccup said, softly, sadly, still hiding his face.

 He then got up and left the hut.

       “What did Stoick say?” Astrid asked, moments after Hiccup came out of the hut.

 They stood some feet from the hut, and Hiccup quietly joined them in the circle they were standing in. He saw them holding hands.

 Astrid looked at his face and let out a soft groan.

 He looked so sad.

 She took his hand, and he felt a tiny bit better.

 “Hiccup, what did he say?” Snotlout asked. “Do I still have to go through with it?”

 Hiccup sighed sadly.

 “Does he know about us?” Fishlegs asked.

 “Yeah, my dad knows about us; I told him,” Hiccup said. “He’s happy for me; for us, I guess. But… he also said that Snotlout has to compete in those trials. Despite, you know, being told that he doesn’t want to do ‘em or marry Mala. And that he has to successfully compete them, and no failing on purpose. Kinda cancels it out.”

 Hiccup walked over to Snotlout and hugged him, kissing him softly.

 “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Hiccup whispered.

 He felt the rest of the Riders close in and they were hugging the two of them as well. It would have been quite a wonderful lovely hug if they hadn’t been so despairing.

       Snotlout successfully competed in the trials as was mandated to him. Thankfully, they managed to hold off the wedding until after the Dragon Hunters and Dragon Flyers were finally defeated. So, they at least got to keep Snotlout with them for a little while longer.

 But, the wedding, while it should have been a happy day was actually a sad one. They were losing Snotlout from their little group. They would head back to Berk minus one Dragon Rider. They wouldn’t be a sixsome anymore.

 “Snotlout’s parents are here,” Astrid whispered to Hiccup, as the five of them sat clumped together.

 “Ew, Spitelout,” Tuffnut whispered.

 “I was just about to say that,” Hiccup said softly.

 “Disgusting how happy he looks that his son is marrying a Queen. This is just bragging rights for him,” Fishlegs whispered. He sniffled. He paused. “Not that Mala isn’t lovely. I do like her as a person.”

 “But yeah, this sucks,” Ruffnut whispered.

 Hiccup hummed in agreement.

 They were going to witness their best friend and romantic partner marry someone else. For an alliance between their two islands, as opposed to just an alliance between Mala’s island and Hiccup’s Riders. Stoick had felt it prudent for Berk to gain an ally. While the Riders planned to stay together as a polyamorous group after this, it was a break-up considering they were losing one of them. And Mala, as much as she liked and supported them, did not want to share Snotlout.

 So, they sat here, feeling miserable, waiting for the ceremony to begin.

 And once the ceremony began, Hiccup could hear Fishlegs sniffling, clearly crying. Ruffnut, who was on his left, had dropped her head on his shoulder, and he could feel tears drop onto his tunic as a result. Tuff, on Ruffnut’s other side was sighing sadly. Astrid’s hand was in his and she held on tighter and tighter as the ceremony progressed. He didn’t want to glance at her but he could guess she may have been crying. And then she let out a shaky gasp and that was like a gut punch for him. He had been trying to keep it together for them, but…

 Nope.

 He let out a soft sob.