#LEGIT THE LAST TIME I FELT THIS WAY ABT A NEW LOVE INTEREST WAS LIKE ????

[foolishjellyfish]

anyone else out here getting sad and weepy after rlly lovely sweet things happen??

[b00tyliciousbabe]

Guys who could rearrange and flood my guts…pt 1

Welcome to the new hit series, “Guys who I need to clap tf out of my fat ass cheeks.” DISCLAIMER: do not judge me, i fantasise a lot but (unfortunately) irl I ain’t done anything (yet 🤭)

Logan Mandeville

WARNING: THIS IS LONG AF AND NOT PROOFREAD BUT ENJOY.

This guy just gives off BDE, I mean look at him; the toned abs, the strong arms, the body hair - he’s a fucking unit. In my opinion, he’s ugly hot as well, one of my biggest weaknesses. I’m from the UK and he legit looks like one of those white chavs/roadmen that would spark you if you even looked at them, and I find that so attractive. Ughhh I can just imagine him talking so tough and chavvy 😩 but at the same time I can picture him with a Boston accent and that literally makes me wanna suck the soul out of his dick. I kinda think I’m projecting my dream guy qualities onto him because I find him so leng but idc because I love it MWAHAHAAAA

Keeping the roadman aesthetic, I keep fantasing abt sucking him off in his tracksuit and eventually him piping me on the hood of his car. Let’s visualise, he looks like a Liam so for the sake of smut that’s what we are gonna call him…

(setting the scene: you guys are at a party)

It was a cool autumn night,

“Babe you look so fit tonight.” Your boyfriend said grabbing your waist and pulling your lips together. He had always loved seeing you in his brown leather jacket, it looked so big on you, but everyone loved how you styled the look. The kiss lasted for what felt like forever. The lights, the music, the people all drowned out, the only think that mattered rn was the two of you. “So do you,” you said as he stopped tongue fucking your mouth.

See the relationship u had with him was something special. From the moment he laid eyes on you, Liam wanted you to be his. Everyone at school loved you - the nerds, the band kids, the cheerleaders even the students who were basically alienated. What wasn’t to love? All of them…except the homophobes 🤮🤮, and since Liam was captain of the football team, he was guilty by association. That didn’t stop you from finding him attractive. You guys were never even meant to meet. But the day your lives became the storyline of an American teen show and he needed to raise his grade in English, was the day you both SAW each other.

“I’m never going to be as smart as you, no one can compare to the way you are.” Liam told you, and if you weren’t black, you would’ve even as bright as a tomato. “Look at me, you are gonna ace that test, you’re smarter than you give yourself credit for Li” You smiled at him, the eye contact just increasing the sexual tension between you two. “Tell you what,” he said licking his lips whilst staring at you twirling your hair and marking his essay, “if I pass this exam” “WHENNN” you interrupted, “when I pass this exam, would you wanna, maybe go on a date?” You smiled at him so innocently, “Of course, but it means you have to get at least 70%” “70%!! I’m barely pushing 50, omds.” Stop talking negatively, i want you to pass more than you think I do, now more than ever” I defended as Liam smirked at your newfound interest in being with him. Your bf went onto get a 87% in the exam, 2nd highest to ur 98%, and ofc that meant you had to go on a date.

(BACK TO THE STORY) you left him to chat to his teammates who loved your relationship, talk abt growth 👏👏 you went to talk to some of your best friends and the vibe was just so good. Everyone was dancing to the Weeknd. It was crazy in a good way obv. All of a sudden the captain of your school’s rival team starts touching on you. “yooo chill, don’t touch on me like that,” you said and your friends helped you to forget about him. “He’s such a perv, as if you would do anything,” they said “I know right, like I know I look good but come on” you attested. But he didn’t stop and Liam could see you were uncomfortable from the other side of the room. He stared with anger, as he downed his shot of whiskey. He moved towards you. “Is there a problem here babe,” he kissed your cheek as he hugged you from behind. “Nah, Li there’s no issue,” you smiled smugly at the dickhead who tried moving to you. “Can we go love?” You stared up at him. “Of course.” He said gripping your waist tighter, your eyes calming him down. You held his hand, rubbing his forearm to soothe him. “Yh Liam, listen to your lil (f-slur) bitch,” The whole party turned silent. He stopped walking, and you looked back at him to see he was fuming. “Li-Li, just ignore him,” you said with teary ish eyes and shallowed breath. He wiped your cheek. “You go I’ll see you in a bit,” He signalled to your friends to take you outside. “No, I ain’t leaving without you” you gripped his hand. “Babe, I’ll be out in a minute, just go”. Your friends helped you get out of there. The rest was a blur; You remember that your man walked out of that house with a bloodied shirt and blood covered broken knuckles, but at least he was consciously walking, and didn’t have to spend 6 months on life support, limping with a leg that would never kick the same. But hey, no one messes with you.

[neonstatic]

my given name and i have an interesting relationship. well, first off, i don't like. i dislike it, even. there's no doubt abt that. i've disliked it long before i understood i was nonbinary. it's just not a good name to me. i don't like the way it feels and tastes in my mouth. i don't like how it sounds out of people's mouths. no one has ever managed to say it in a way that makes it sound appealing. it's not a name you can sigh dreamily nor moan erotically. i mean, you can try, but however good you might sound, I'll be too distracted by the name itself. (i think i've learned to speak so delicately bc i've subconsciously wanted to sell my name as best as possible. yes, that is my name, it does kinda suck, but don't i say it so nicely?)

compare this to my sisters' names. they have sweet, feminine names that end in the letter a, and if you put all their names next to each other, you notice a certain motif. they just fit like a bouquet.

i feel like you can tell from my name alone that i'm the last child; they were running out of fkg ideas to follow the motif, so much so that they entirely dropped it! they couldn't even make my name end in an a!

i've never liked my name, always felt a little ashamed when meeting ppl bc i knew i'd have to introduce myself and see the split-second look in their eyes when they process and register (with difficulty) my painfully geriatric yet forgettable name. and it sounds so, so much worse in english.

egg or chicken? i think my name might've made me trans -- no, pls, let me elaborate: my name sounds like a typical old name, but spelled differently and thus pronounced differently, with none of the elegance and not even an a at the end. "oh, ray, why are you so obsessed w the a at the end?" bc i grew up surrounded by girls with pretty names that ends in a! and i was a little "girl" w an unpretty name that did not end in a! i legit had a complex abt that jabfjab everyone is aisha and christina and sarah and mona and then you got this mf whose name reminds you of a four-eyed mole in a tutu.

(in middle school, we had to write a story, and i named my protagonist, a 12yo girl, wayne. "that's not a girl's name," my teacher told me. "yes, it is." i said. and that was that.)

(i named that little girl after my favourite rapper at the time... y'all figure it out ✌🏾)

i've wanted to change my name long before i understood my gender. i had the spare thought that one day, maybe, i'd grow into it. i didn't like having and showing tits until literally two years ago. i think the chest tat helped. (frankly, most days i still don't. moving boobily is humiliating esp when you're a fast walker.) i've yet to grow into my given name. don't think i ever will. i rly dislike it. i'm no longer used to it either. i've changed my name at work and made so many new friends who know me as ray, and even my closest friends call me ray most of the time (or juno if they feel a lil frisky). and now i feel good introducing myself.

not only that, but i also experience ppl having fun w my name! nothing big, rly, but i do not have enough fingers to count the amount of ppl who make analogies abt the sun, the stars, or light in general. it's mostly silliness, i know, but i can't help feeling like others see that my name makes sense for me too. ray is a name that fits me. and i love it! yes, everyone does the "ray of sunshine" thing but it never gets old! never, do you hear me?! it's the best thing in the world to me!!!

(still, there are two things i like abt my given name... first, it's a callback to my parents' names. my dad also has a very interesting name but i'd rather have his than mine. another name better exprienced in french. second, my mom and i share a nickname. i found out when i was a teen and a relative called out my family nickname (or, well, one of two), only for my mom to respond. i love love love nicknames, bc that is what made me discover my chosen name. and i love that my mom and i share a nickname. it feels sentimental to me. idk how to explain it. i esp love when we use it for each other in casual. it's fun and lovely.)

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 36

time travel arccccccccccccc yessssssssss

I have been waiting SO LONG to reread this arc hhhhh yessss

starting off strong with the sexy roller cover. nice

I love the disconnect of ‘orion pax: outlaw’ compared to the last time we saw him in shadowplay where he was orion pax: supercop

he’s still punching people for JUSTICE or whatever so I guess not much has changed

oh my god this is the issue with the many many two-page spreads...the first time I read this issue I didn't realize that was a thing and GOD I was SO fucking confused. there's already a lot going on in this issue/arc but this made things so much worse hvbhjkdfbsk. I powered thru and still managed to understand most of the arc despite reading half this issue out of order (essentially) bc the website I read it on split the pages up and I couldn't tell they were supposed to be doubled (and also I'm dumb so I didn't figure it out)

anyways, the actual issue...windcharger is out here using his powers to rip a dudes arms clean off. wow!

and there's skids getting punched in the face. Ls

and glitch! a totally minor character of course...

MANNNNN I SO adore the panel of all the lost lighters appearing in a cloud of purple smoke, all posing epically....SO fucking good, peak sci-fi coolness vibes, A++

as usual jro killing it w/the titles, ‘elegant chaos’ is such a great name for a time travel arc

also reading the tfwiki has shown me that many of jros titles are song or album titles, to which I say - that's epic and I love it. with jro doing it, I feel like it straddles the line between referencing music and the very fanfic-esque ‘title things after music’ vibe. I love it

oh god I forgot they use bs cybertronian time units in this sometimes lmao...I mean of course they do but still like, what the fuck is a cycle. is that a day. I feel like these words all have no meaning/the meanings change drastically depending on continuity. I cant keep up and also I'm lazy and don't care enough to try

I love rodimus did u know

poor riptide looks so confused lmao

IS....IS REWIND PIGGYBACKING TAILGATE...THATS SO FUCKING CUTE....I cant fully tell bc of the page layout but ooomg so precious. minibot buddies

whirl saying ‘chuff’ just reminded me how british jro is hvbhakjhdsfbs sometimes it just Jumps Out in mtmte and I'm like Oh God Britain Is Real

I really like the mtmte approach to time travel and paradoxes and whatnot. its just complex enough to be interesting but not too convoluted that it bogs down the story. perfect sci-fi fun!

mannnn chromedome talking abt brainstorm :( I'm sad abt those two hhhhh

and I love how at this point, nobody in the cast ACTUALLY knows brainstorm well enough to know what he’s really doing - including chromedome, who’s ostensibly his closest friend, somebody he’s known for a while - and even the readers don't really know what he’s up to...I like the mystery tbh

cant believe rewind wrote orion pax’s biography, omg. completely forgot abt that detail

cd saying ‘I love it when he talks history’ about rewind....hhhh I love cdrw so muuuuch

godddd the line rodimus says abt whirl - how they need people like whirl around who are ‘happy to get in the way’ of danger and death - that shit haunts me man like...rodimus is basically saying that he’s bringing whirl along to potentially die in place of someone like orion pax (nevermind the fact that whirl dying would ALSO fuck up the timeline)...like, how deep does it go?? is he saying that bc he knows whirl has been trying to get himself killed for a while now, or just bc whirl likes violence? mannn I cant...the character intricacies...man

anyways...I love rodimus he’s such an interesting character. you have that fucked up moment and then in the next panel he’s saying ‘if you want to call it a time phone, I wont stop you’ about the quantum walkie-talkie. he has the RANGE

oh and then rodimus casually volunteering chromedome to do mnemosurgery on anyone who might accidentally find out about them time traveling, which is again fucked up on multiple levels. the raaaaange

vjaksbhdhfusajbfdjk that panel of the lost light squad just standing there like idiots reminds me of that post where someone said abt that panel ‘these characters have a collective 3 brain cells’ or something hvbjadkfnksfdl

rodimus IMMEDIATELY breaking his own rules by trying to reassure pax that they're good guys by pointing at his autobot badge, even tho the autobots DONT EVEN EXIST YET at this point...my boy PLEASE go purchase some brain cells from the store 

and the fact that rodimus introduced himself to pax w/his real name...shouldn't he go by an alias or st??? that seems like a good time travel rule since optimus and rodimus definitely know each other later 

and like, did they not anticipate that some of the people in the past would recognize some of the lost lighters hgbajkhdjfnjksf like cd and whirl get Instantly recognized...great job guys

they are all SO bad at this hvbahskjdhfbasjkf I cantttt luckily for them the orion crew is handing them easy alibis 

‘the dugout’ is that a baseball reference????

also I love the scenery here, the bg looks like rock but there's metal piping and stuff running thru it, its so cool...really adds to the whole ‘cybertron biomes are made of metal’ thing

‘ancient history’ rodimus are you KIDDING ME-

cyclonus time travels to the past and IMMEDIATELY finds a window to stare broodingly out of. icon

tailgate thinking orion pax is SUPER COOL continues here from shadowplay and I love it...tailgate is so cute

and the tg saying ‘don't you think that's awesome, cyclonus?’ hhhhh so cute

one reason I love this arc so much is that this is the arc where the gay Really amps up 

TRAILBREAKER.... oh man ;_;

are you telling me that this outlaw base they're in has ONE bed for all of these people. what the hell vhbaksjhfnsal

cant believe rung sampled roller’s steroid juice box

also cant believe robot steroids exist. except yes I can and I love it

oooh roller’s a 0/1%er? I forgot abt that 

cant believe orion pax just grabs some random phone that belongs to these weird new people and answers it. WHO does that

goddddd megatron and orion’s conversation....destroy me

HHHHHH like...the HISTORY....the regret...the missed opportunities...its all so palpable....goddddddd

and of COURSE, the whole thing is steeped in tragedy...the ideological differences that will become the foundation for a 4 million year long war...megatron, who believes that you need to burn things down and start again to really make change stick, and then orion, who says ‘reform is the answer, not revolution’....AUGHHH the intricacies. mannnn

‘you sound lost’ 😭😭😭

‘its tragic.’ yeah, that about sums up their relationship, especially at this stage and in this continuity 

anyways. [cries about old man megatron talking to young naïve orion pax] goodbye

AUGHHH and then we jump to rodimus ONCE AGAIN breaking his own rules and trying to save trailbreaker...IT HURTS MAN...god I love rodimus, I feel like him being broken up about crewmembers like trailbreaker dying is one part regular sadness over people he knows dying for tragic reasons, and one part personal guilt at someone under his command dying, even if he’s not involved/at fault. I love the dichotomy of this emotional reaction that comes only partially from empathy/emotion, but also comes from a kinda self-centered need for success as measured by people under your command staying alive. and taking into account rodimus’s life it totally makes sense that he’d act like that...GAH I love it. the complexity of it all!

orion pax saying ‘you should read [megatron]. it’s powerful stuff’ I'm screaming, so many LAYERSSSSS

I fucking love time travel AHHHHHHHHH like the opportunity for interactions like these....chefs kiss

‘hey, best friend! miss you!’ rodimus is such a shit hvbdajkfksjhfd 

‘very sus’ rodimus ahead of his time w/the among us lingo

oooh and then they realize that the senate is trying to kill the sparks...gotta save the babies!

tailgate scolding cyclonus for bluntly stating that you'd wanna be subtle when killing newborns...hhhvbhsdfhhhhhh I love them sm

ooooh and rewind has an interesting suggestion - that the senate is actually trying to irradiate the sparks into being outliers...rewind is so smart I love him

and the fact that he’s using history from his database...love it

rodimus sending cyclonus and whirl out like pokemon

ROLLER NOOOO DONT GO OUT THERE

also wow this is literally the 5th (I think) double page spread in this issue...the confusion I felt the first time I read this...lmao 

and now this is literally one of my favorite issues so I'm glad I know what's going on lmao

oh man rodimus telling cd not to erase trailbreakers memory even tho that could jeopardize the entire timeline... :( 

oh man I didn't even notice but roller getting debris blasted into his face like that makes the whole ‘roller is tarn’ theory even more legit considering tarn’s face scars....

‘tighter the better’ hhh don't say that orion. but also, that’s the companion phrase to megatron saying ‘the deeper the better’ hvbhasjkhdfbaksjlf

I do love the semi-campy action hero antics that orion pax gets up to. its just so fun, even when the stakes are high and things are serious

‘this is the greatest thing I have ever seen’ tg ily

THE REVEAL THAT THE SPARKS WENT TO NYON...so rodimus just saved himself, basically...time travel is so trippy

GODDDD ND THEN TRAILBREAKER...HVHHHHHh 😭😭😭 THATS SO CRUEL MAN

oh man that last panel of trailbreaker holding up roller’s juice box...iirc the first time I read this I thought that was roller (cause of the juice box I guess? idk I'm an idiot) so I was like oh ok he must've come back or something. very much related but I didn't really think about tarn being a particular pre-established character and totally didn't read the whole ‘roller is tarn’ thing that was going on 

which in my defense ruth also didn't pick up on any of that while reading this and eventually like 2 issues before the reveal I had to prompt her like ‘you should maybe be wondering WHO tarn is’ vhbahjksdfbaksjdf

so! issue 37! this issue is a solid favorite of mine, id say definitely top 5 or even 3. I'm super biased bc I fucking LOVE time travel, it’s seriously one of my favorite tropes ever, and this issue hits all the time travel beats I love. characters traveling to the past and interacting with people they know! conversations that have multiple meanings bc of TIME TRAVEL! trying to save someone who meets a terrible fate in your future! fun time travel action! the time traveling characters being generally terrible at hiding the fact that they're time travelers! ITS SO GOOD. 

and I love the clever way everything is tied together here - where we get a nice continuation of shadowplay, with this taking place shortly after that with a lot of the same cast, and time travel classics like the good ole ‘if we hadn't travelled back in time and done what we did, the future we came from wouldn't have existed at all,’ in the flavor of ‘rodimus saving his baby self’ and ‘rodimus NOT saving trailbreaker’ and ‘everyone forgot about roller :(’ 

ok but like, did the lost lighters just go ‘oh well, guess rollers gone now.’ like they DID realize that the outlaw crew would have no idea what happened to him if they got their memories erased, right?? did the lost lighters figure that since roller never reappeared after this time period, that was how history was ‘supposed’ to go and they shouldn't mess with it? am I overthinking it? as usual: yes, probably. I love overthinking about comics, in case that wasn't obvious

basically...I love this issue soooo much. so so good and a bunch of fun tropes that I love. I mean the whole arc is like that for me since I love time travel so much. so I cant wait to (re)read more!!

[herotheshiro]

so i reread all of behind the desks today lol bc i was thinking abt it last night as i was going to sleep, and also fully read through the epilogue chapters which i don’t think i had done before. which means i read through all of the plot points all at once this time around. i think my thoughts for this readthrough might end up being the length of a regular post so i’m just writing up a new post instead of reblogging my old review of this manhwa. obviously spoilers for the story below the cut

again i like this manhwa mainly bc of 2 things:

i like the juxtaposition of young’s obviously manipulative language with taesung’s innocent language that also sounds suspiciously the same. obviously you know taesung has positive intentions and isn’t a controlling freak like young but it’s such an interesting way to depict the aftermath of an abusive relationship and the difference in intentions despite the same words even though in retrospect that probably wasn’t what the author was trying to do. unless... ?

sunny seo as a character!! on the surface he definitely seems to fall under the standard BL uke tropes of being clumsy and looking pretty and stuck in a love triangle as the shared obj of affection but from the very beginning you already know he’s not a pushover but he just seems like that bc he doesn’t really have or express strong opinions. a lot of BLs tend to have the shared obj of affection be like oh nooo i can’t pick bw the 2 of them... but i mean from the start sunny doesn’t want to be w young and his fear of backlash and change is what motivates his secret-keeping from taesung... also throughout the story they imply that he’s a good match for taesung who canonly likes action stuff by being someone who actually likes high-energy activities/vibes. tl;dr sunny is generally a good character who also has a lot of foreshadowing done for him to reveal aspects of his personality that contribute to the story

anyway onto my thoughts that i had during this specific readthrough

jaeyoon. anyone who read my prev review for this manhwa knows that i had beef w how they used him during the conclusion to young and sunny’s relationship. i now realize that maybe they DID actually give him a face reveal during his wedding when young and sunny split off to chat with a friend each and the friend who spoke to sunny was actually jaeyoon himself... BUT YOU GOTTA FUCKING SAY THAT!! i suspected they were the same guy bc of the hair color and them always hiding jaeyoon’s face until that “random” moment where they give this character who looks like him a face but like i was never sure... no offense to the author or anything but i think you have to put in-text that it’s jaeyoon and not assume readers will know based on your art that it’s him... there are too many side characters who show up so it’s not like we’ve ONLY seen taesung/sunny/young so far so now this 4th person who shows up has to be jaeyoon... i mean maybe other readers ID-ed it as him w no issue esp since he shows up being like ‘dude...’ when that other friend is like ‘well jaeyoon was in rehab and stuff’ but i personally think it should’ve been mentioned in-text esp since that face reveal wasn’t nearly dramatic enough to 100% capture readers’ attentions.

otherwise i think the fact that jaeyoon and taesung are similar is a great plot point. jaeyoon was clearly the only friend in that group who saw young and sunny’s relationship accurately so i’m glad sunny had at least one GOOD friend then. jaeyoon is implied to be someone who takes care of others similar to taesung (even if it’s only sunny he dotes over the most) too. other than young’s general possessiveness of sunny, them being similar also explains why young saw jaeyoon as such a threat. but yeah unfortunately i still don’t think it was handled as well as it could have been.

young’s explanation for his behavior towards sunny... i hesitate to say it was the standard “villain redemption” but tbf i think it was a good explanation for his actions even if it felt a little too clean of a conclusion (young letting go of sunny so easily and also apparently realizing and accepting how damaging he was to him). i say it’s partially redeeming bc it shows that young was kind of trapped in such a specific and damaging way of thinking abt life that it affected how he treated sunny but it’s also not really redeeming him bc like. be normal man lol you don’t have to be like that to others.

separate but related note but young’s mindgaming of taesung... when he was like oh everything abt sunny seo you like is bc of me... like DAMN that’s evil and good (writing-wise). although the thing is that young and sunny also haven’t interacted apparently for 5 years so i mean you do have to realize that by the time taesung reunites w him, sunny has developed enough of an individual personality so it’s not ALL young’s shit. 

in my last review i said i felt like i wanted more of young and sunny’s history... tbh i think they gave us enough actually. all we really need to know is that they’ve known each other for a very long time and that young manipulated sunny enough during an impressionable time (young age, college. ppl know how college can be lol) that sunny felt that young was the only one for him. i was actually surprised jaeyoon’s story/details came up so quick in the story (i think it showed up in the 1st half of the manhwa) but i think it was a good point bc the story had to move on to the middle/2nd half of sunny and taesung trying to get their relationship to work. past me was also apparently looking for this scene in the bar apparently where young explains his “reasons” to taesung lol

not really much to say this time abt the hosung x young endgame. still don’t think they should’ve done it or had hosung have unrequited feelings but whatever i guess. tbh i didn’t really realize/connect until this time around that hosung actually was in freelancing art/publishing which was why taesung had him look at sunny’s work lol... i think last time that part in the epilogue hadn’t been translated yet so i just didn’t have the room to make the connection maybs

the epilogue ending... so i actually never read the epilogue ending or at least its eng translation, and i was like hell yea at the full circle shit w sunny being like ‘oh the cherry blossom petals are falling just like when i first met taesung in the infirmary’ but then the ch kept going w taesung and sunny on the beach... idk i think ending it literally at sunny being like ‘w you i feel alive’ was such an abrupt ending... like maybe if they added another panel of them smiling at each other it could’ve been fine but if the author was running low on time i honestly think they could’ve ended it at the scene of sunny accepting his contest award

also when sunny was like ‘yeah lol all my classmates at the children’s book program also get sick all the time’.... i was like bruh this author is prob speaking from actual experience lmao

the other thing abt the ending that was a little random was the quick aside abt taesung’s mom being against their relationship... i mean it was a reference to the mom wanting taesung to get married in the main story but then they dropped it and then suddenly brought it back up again... randomly adding that taesung had a sister who was his contact w their mom... like i get it, it wraps up the loose end of his mom but wow i was uh ok random ch abt potential family conflicts. also where are sunny’s parents lol but that would’ve been too much to get into too regardless of homophobia or not lol

overall it’s still a pretty solid manhwa. stuff proceeds at a good pace and the conflicts/misunderstandings make sense. i said before it’s kinda like a love triangle but it’s really not which works w me bc i don’t like love triangles that much (they stress me out lol); it’s also good bc young is clearly toxic for sunny and it’s good that sunny knows that rather than sunny being like “oh i know he’s bad but also... hmm maybe i can overlook it”. the manhwa’s not perfect -- i still get the sense the writing could be better even if i can’t really enunciate why -- but enough details are tied together that there’s nothing major i have to extrapolate bw (like i can overlook the jooyeon mishap even though it legit threw me off the 1st time i read through). also yes i know the manhwa is based off of a game w characters essentially already established but my understanding is that the author/artist essentially had to write up a lot of the actual story themselves even if they had a general plotline provided to follow

also the final author’s note abt the author personally preferring fucked up stories... when i started rereading i was like wait isn’t this the same artist for that one manhwa where the characters look like the k!lling st@lking? mains and even if i didn’t remember i would’ve realized w that author’s note lol. i think fortunately for them that sunny isn’t an entirely “pure” character so they had enough room to make him a little more twisted.

[professorspork]

ANOTHER BUSY DAY IN THE ANDROMEDA GALAXY

I started the day running errands on Havarl, culminating with finishing off Jaal’s loyalty mission! I took Vetra with us thinking ‘hey, if anyone knows sibling dynamics...’ but then she factored into all of that absolutely 0%, lol @ me. but no matter! Jaal was super flirty as we made our way to the Forge, and it was adorable when he was like “HERE MEET MY FRIEND SO YOU CAN SEE AKKSUL IS WRONG” and bodily dragged me toward his siblings. their fight was absorbing and intense; I LEGIT GASPED WHEN HIS SISTER SHOT HIS BROTHER. LIKE!! the whole confrontation with Akksul felt super weighty and I really enjoyed it-- keeping my trigger discipline to not shoot that dude was really hard! there was a split second there where his bolt was headed toward Jaal’s face and I was like “if I kill off Jaal in his loyalty mission I’ll be so upset” but nope it all worked out, he has a bitchin cheek scar now, and the respect of his people, and I got a forehead touch so y’know. i melted. GOSH. then I died laughing at Akksul’s not-apology email.

now Jaal wants me to meet his mom(s) but Helen said that’ll lock in the romance, so I’ll probably wait just a little longer so I can uh keep having FWB sex with Peebee and ?maybe??? flirt with Vetra at some point? altho I teasingly called her MOM last time we were in Kadara Port so maybe not. (Jaal still hates it there, he’s so grumpy and it’s cute, but I digress)

this one got even longer than usual so doing a cut

one thing that I really like, that the game navigates in interesting ways, is that to the angara, we’re all just “Milky Way people.” like. so much of the original trilogy is about navigating the differences between all these aliens, and like, some of that is here too, esp with the krogan, but it’s actually really neat the way we’ve flattened out. and even with the krogan it’s still night and day-- like. comparing what Tuchanka is like in ME2 when Wrex is still solidifying his status as warlord is miles away from what it’s like for me to wander around New Tuchanka or, especially, just run into random krogan out and about (like the nice water scouts. WHY COULDN’T I JUST GIVE THEM THE WATER? but I’m getting ahead of myself). I know some of it has the Watsonian explanation of, like, only forward-thinking, open-minded krogan would be interested in the Initiative in the first place, and some of it is the Doylist explanation of ‘well people really liked that Charr/Ereba romance so let’s have more sweetie pie krogan’ but like. overall. it’s interesting, and I’m sure there’s more angles I haven’t considered.

I traced more of those comm buoys for Addison and learned that the doctor she’s obsessed with ran away to get pregnant! I definitely read that whole situation as Addison being in love with this lady and tbh it still doesn’t refute it? but I won’t get any more progress until I make a new outpost. the whole idea of ‘the first human baby born in Heleus’ thing is really cool, though, and I’m invested.

then I went to Elaaden! I feel some kind of way about Lexi diagnosing all of these scavengers with Brain Disease, but I can’t put my finger on it exactly-- other than, I guess, my general discomfort with pathologizing criminality. I was glad she said we couldn’t vaccinate people without their consent, but the whole thing smacks as very... self-conscious on the part of the game creators? like they thought people would say “hey it’s a huge plot hole that the Initiative screened every person before putting them on the arks and yet so many of them do crimes, explain that to me” and they were like “oh yeah shit that makes no sense, it’s not like people faced with the existential crisis of being in a brand new place 600 years away from everything they’ve ever known with no way back and not enough resources and multiple things wanting to kill them might just make desperate, risky choices, that’s not good enough, obviously we need to explain it with BRAIN DISEASE.” come on.

I made it to New Tuchanka, where the postings on the terminals are literally my favorite part of this whole game. THE ONE KROGAN WHO WANTS GINGERBREAD. THE ONE WHO DOESN’T WANT TO FOCUS ON CONS AND SUGGESTS A “PRO-VERSATION.” THE ONE ABOUT THE “PROBLETUNITY” OF MATING SUGGESTING WATCHING KRANTT HARDLY WAIT. THE ONE WHO INVENTED BLOOD RAGE FOR GUN TURRETS. but also, the best one, my favorite one of all: KRANTT THE RAGENING LARP. there is nothing I would not give to play Krantt: The Ragening.

I sort of tripped and fell and decided to finish Drack’s loyalty mission even though I intended to do more Elaaden things first, and that was a blast. Vorn is so presh! and also Drack is my dad so there’s that. I loved that Vorn helped save the day with a poison vegetable, and I love that Kesh pretended not to like the flower he got her. it was like-- okay. real talk, I just spent like 20 minutes trying to find proof that there is, in fact, a scene in parks and rec where someone gives April a friendship bracelet and she pretended to hate it until they threatened to take it back and could not find it ANYWHERE and felt so gaslit until I realized that that scene was not about April at all but Louise Belcher so. GOOD JOB ME. anyway. it was like that. kesh pretending her comm was broken when Tann tried to talk to her is the oldest joke in the book but I laughed anyway. 

and then I TOOK SPENDER DOWN FOR GOOD. I’m a little miffed that neither Kesh nor Tann got to be in on that discussion; like, I recognize he was Addison’s underling but given all the bullshit he pulled with the krogan I especially felt Kesh deserved to be there? at one point there was a dialogue tree where I could either say it was Addison’s fault or Spender’s fault, and I picked the latter because I think they both such but Spender sucks worse, but in hindsight I wish I’d stuck it to Addison more because my dialogue was way too nice. when faced with the choice of jailing or exiling Spender, I picked jail despite my desire to defund Nexus Militia because I was scared if I exiled him he’d just come back as a worse enemy because of all his off-station contacts. when reviewing the choice in the codex, though, it narrativized my choice by saying I imprisoned him knowing he “would never survive life on the run from his former associates.” that wasn’t my assumption at all! quite the opposite! I jailed him thinking he’d start a coup from without if I didn’t, and it’s really interesting to me that the game isn’t framing that as a concern Ryder would have reasonably had. anyway, now Brecka has his job, which is good because Brecka is the best.

before leaving I unlocked my last memory, and SURPRISE MY MOM IS ALIVE. WELL. FOR A GIVEN DEFINITION OF ALIVE. i don’t know why I’m surprised; of course my dad sucked that much. but also, the fact that all of that got nestled in with the reaper ‘reveal’ (if you can call it that) felt... very strange? like. this is such a personal, emotional thing for Ryder. obviously for the player harkening back to the trilogy is supposed to be a gut wrench, and objectively, yes, I can see how the knowledge that they might have narrowly escaped certain death is a big deal, but like. the reapers aren’t HERE. they aren’t relevant. my MOM, on the other hand, is and is, apparently! it’s occurring to me I didn’t even try to find her mis-labeled pod, I was so turned around by all the benefactor stuff after the fact. anyway.

swung by Kadara to get drinks with Drack and had an epic bar fight, and then Lexi p much lectured us both abt it because Drack is like 90% spit and duct tape at this point. him talking about raising Kesh giving him a new lease on life was VERY sweet, tho, and his line about how parents aren’t the finish line, they’re the starting line was very good.

went back to Elaaden, which Jaal called “a big planet” while discussing hunting someone down and AU CONTRAIRE, JAAL, IT IS A MOON. wish I’d had Drack with me when I found Annea’s water because I bet he would have had better dialogue than Cora, but alas. felt very weird giving control of the reservoir to the Nexus, but like. Annea being like “you can’t, this is my emotional support monopoly on a vital natural resource” just wasn’t gonna fly with how I’m playing Ryder. I was gratified to hear the Nexus guy at Paradise say we were giving the water to everyone, including krogan and scavengers, because I 100% did not trust Tann not to overrule him with some shitty call.

then I went to the Remnant ship to stop Morda from making a bomb out of the drive core, and it was all going swimmingly until I traced the signal to that cave inside the flophouse and suddenly my triangle button stopped working, making me unable to activate the console. YIKES. a quick google of the issue tells me that this mission is buggy for a lot of people and reloading from an earlier save tends to help, but I tried that and the issue persisted so I gave up for the evening. hopefully a fresh start tomorrow and time for the ps4 to cool off is all that is required. 

[stuclyblrs]

alright here’s my semester reflection that i’ve been putting off for too long but i dont have all my grades back yet so w/e

let’s start w/ my general opinion abt nyu n college life

it’s better than high school lmaooo

nyu was my dream school and tbh idk if it met my expectations ??? idk it was the best of the best for me so i think i could be having the same experience at another (cheaper) school idk ???

but in general i rly do love it !! i think my hesitation comes from the fact that everything isn’t perfect lol and i had a rly rough start

i like being on my own tho and i eat better when im at school whoops

however even tho i obviously have more free time when compared to high school i still felt very pressed for time and that’s something i rly need to work on for next semester

social life !

this is where i say i had a rough start

my roommates were shit and i did change rooms a month into school lololol

my new roommate is rly nice but we never speak to each other which is kind of a disappointment that’s kind of on me for never making an effort to like try and get lunch with her or smth but at the same time she doesnt make on either so idk man

but we dont have any problems w/ each other, we both respect each other, aren’t messy, all that good stuff

but she never cleans the bathroom so rip it never gets cleaned cause i dont wanna do it if she wont do it

also had a rough start friend wise......

for the final month i did feel like i was starting have good friends but now that were on break its kind of like ????? lmao im just worried i’ll be at square one again with the new semester since they are all ppl i met in my classes

in terms of activities i love everything i’m doing ! i’m in student council, model un, alternative breaks (its where u do service trips over breaks - my trip will be over spring break), and the kpop dance club but im terrible lmao

classes

lmao rip me i Did Not do as well academically as i wanted to like at all

im also still very ????????? about what i want to pursue as a major and this semester did not offer any clarity lol

okay so here’s the shit i wrote about my classes about the beginning of the semester

uhh so i was right fuck this class lmao. my professor was generally chill but also annoying. i went to the writing center once and hated it so i never went back whoops but the biggest shock of all was i finished this class with an A- lmaooo cause my prof had some weird grading system but it worked in our favor and i got an A on the final paper despite my other two being a B- and a B+

was 100% right about this class !!!!!!!!! my fave professor and my fave class i miss it soooo much. it was very relaxed and we pretty much just talked about our lives and vines lol p much all of my friends are from this class and i lov them all. i would take this class again if i could 1000000/10 best part of my semester (((if anyone is interested in the books we read they’re all on my books page)))

ahhh chinese......... how wrong was i about you :) yeah i kind of hate studying chinese now and im gonna take korean next year :) i’ve kind of been keeping that a secret on here since i made that decision awhile ago.... idk it just became Not Fun for me and i dont want to learn a language if its not fun and just seems like a chore. idk but my love and interest in the language just completely died half way through the semester whoops. i do want to continue to learn it one day, just not now. and im also not proud of my performance this class and its just gonna be an ugly failure to me lol. im super excited to formally learn korean next semester tho !!!

did well on my first midterm. did poor on my second midterm. idk my final grade yet cause he hasnt put it in which kind of concerns me cause he’s a very punctual professor but it’s been two weeks since we took our final and in general last day of exams was friday so like ??? so again another class where im not happy with my performance.... think i could’ve done better if we had regular exams rather than three total but lol w/e..... i took this as it’s a prereq for a major i was considering but now idk if i am even considering it which is a mess cause that just means its a not so great grade for something i kind of didnt even need to take sigh. also the class had about 450 ppl and generally only 350 of us showed up to lecture everyday lolz

so yeah that’s that ! now that im writing this overall this semester seemed like more of a dissapointment than a success (for reasons that i didnt necessarily talk abt in this post)........ idk im still optimistic abt next semester i think i just wanna start it on a better smth idk the right word haha but i also dont want freshman yr to end cause idk then im actually a legit college student which is just What 

[quadratic-shipping]

Kay, new icon is Vriska’s dice cause the gradient was lame, and every Vriska blog halfway to sunday has already had every photo of her face as their icon twice. It also works cause of yknow liking dnd and stuff. one thing I really liked about my last vriska pic one was the negative space made it feel like it popped and I feel like this one has sort of the same thing going for it. Wow, it can be that deep. I’m just rambling cause it’s 3am and yet again I have stayed up this long. I can;t wait til it’s winter again so I can force myself back into a normal sleep schedule. I stayed up all night a couple nights ago, and that gave me one decent night of sleep so I might just try that again tonight. Rest put under the readmore because it’s irrelevant and sleep deprived rambling I wouldn’t dare subject my beautiful followers and browsers to.

While I’m here, posting a late night thing no one will see or interact with; thank god; I was cleaning and I came across one of those neck warmer things that legit just a tube you pull up your face to keep your nose from freezing off because Canada Winters, I never can use them because I always fog up my glasses, and I just wanted to say that Niqabi gals with glasses are so brave? Legit if I had to deal with my glasses fogging up I’d die, I’d rather lose my nose to frostbite than fog them up (like I go outside enough loll) so for them to deal with that everyday is like, legendary. I mean, I guess if you were pretty antisocial you wouldn’t have to deal with it much but still, point totally stands. 

While we’re on the positivity train? Lesbians? y’all really like Vriska HUH? Thank you for interacting, I appreciate, yall are so valid. I’m torn between “You have good taste” jokes and “Yall will just like anything w/ vriska in it” and either way it takes too strong a stance on my own content to feel good about it. Obvs goes the same way for all the NB and Trans ppl interacting, yall are also Excellent and I appreciate yall. Obvs I’m cis so I don’t have any real godtier takes or anything abt. gender, but reading your guyss stuff is excellent please keep making it.

Uh sexuality update; Still labelling as bi, IDK if I really want to date men tho, before I actually and FINALLY get a taste of the other side; please; because I feel like the problem with my relationships re; dudes is just that I can’t just be myself, I’m just 900000% in my own head about it and not even like; trying to be idealized, idk whats going on I just have a hard time connecting w/ them and it’s defo my fault so idk bro. IDK it’s fun to have crushes but dating is BORING from my very limited experience with only guys which is why a gf would be excellent. Or girl aligned partner. I feel like maybe what I’m attracted to is like, femininity, not necessarily femmes or women. IDK bruh it’s weird. doesn’t help I can’t even figure out how to get and keep friends LOLLL it’s 3am. Sorry

Honestly before I started vrisrose posting I felt so useless yknow cause in the vriska circles there are a lot of intelligent people who understand canon better and are overall smarter and better spoken so I just felt like everything I had to say was just old hat and not very interesting. But the thing I like about VrisRose is no one else is talking about it as frequently ( I was searching the tag and my blog came up in the recco’s for blogs up top and I was very happy) so I feel like, hey, this is my niche. That one engineer of useless inventions quote: The best way to become top of your field is to specialize:, I jsut love rarepairs so much! I think it’s such a great way to approach character analysis because no one exists in a vaccum so seeing peoples interactions and what people like is so fun!!!! I say, invalidating all my personal issues lollll

CHARACTER ANALYSIS! FUCK TALKING ABOUT INTERACTIONS OR ACTIONS ON THEIR OWN OR THOUGHTS OR HC’S, I STAND BY MY ONE TAAKO ‘vriska did nothing wrong’ QUOTE; Trying to understand what characters morals, and their opinions on certain things by analyzing their opinions and interactions in canon is 500x more productive seeming to me than other things. Like, say taako’s thoughts about vriska, V and Lucretia are p similar actions wise, and he was pissed at her but that was mostly cause of the personal connections, when it doesn’t affect him Taako doesn’t seem to have any moral objections to any of the icky moral stuff; think robot planet or whatevs where they were gonna genocide the place and lup was like no and that was like the only reason he didn’t I’m pretty sure, I’m not too big brained on taako or adventurezone either so don’t take my word; So I think that Taak’s would be chill with Vriska. Another thing? The Lucretia thing was like, giving up which Taako is not ok with and Vriska thigns were about not giving up so I do legit think he would be totally coool with her, even if she were real, unless obvs she hurt one of the seven bird red robe people and their new friends.

ISN;T THAT SUCH A FUN METHOD OF CHARACTER ANALYSIS? I’m not drunk or in an altered state just tired enthusiastic and with a lot of pent up thoughts. Speaking of which, this song just came on it’s “Slowdance with you” by the Marcus Hedges Trend Orchestra and it is SOOOOO good, it’s on a vrisrezi playlist I put on bc I’m rereading song of the pyre because it was vriska day and it’s super good soo so good. It’s on loop now, legit best

Quick detours before I lay out some more hs thoughts; 

Overwatch:

-Ben “Captainplanet” came out w/ a new article and I LOVE IT so much and I want hhis job so bad I wanna get into stats so much ahhh  please so good it’s giving me a , this is crude but it’s the best way I can phrase it, a math erection. I love math so much <33333333

-The Shock, my faves, are doing well and I’m happy for them! I hope they go 7-0, I believe in them! I’m lying I am so fucking nervous for literally every match they have they’re gonna 2-5 AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Why am I so INVESTED? They technically could take first spot but that’s require titan’s to lose every match left and the shock to 7-0, but the thing is I thought that I wanted that but 

-then I watched the titans london match today, and I HATED the thought of titans losing. And losing so hard to other teams too, and I didn’t realize this but I think I do actually kinda like the titans?The thought of them not being a great team makes me sad. I think it’s like I really like them and shock as rivals, yknow, stage one and two, then this upcoming map? If Titans aren’t still Good in this meta it just sorta makes their rivalry not fun. Kismesis vibes is what I’m gonna say cause I’m TRASSSHHHHH pls stop my terrible hands from typing also if I ever saw actual ship stuff I would kill whoever made it. Like I’m not gonna check their socials or anything but if they’ve got a match against most teams I’d probs root for them. The Wolf section today was so funny lollll

-I think I might hate the London Spitfire. I have literally no reason to? I think all the players are good and I like them as people and I would never actively hate on them? But I’m like. Really mean to them in my head. I was so satisfied seeing htem lose to Florida, and Titans like IDK? Also they’re hella overrated so anticlutch jfc. Hate the franchise, love the players if that makes sense. IDK WHYYYYYYYYYYY

-Also I’m gonna miss tomorrows shock match and I’m so scared rip.

Misc: 

-Tripped backwards and somehow upturned my moms glass scale and it fell on my foot, that shit hurted.

-Oh My God I’m Projecting a million different things right now because I feel like this will not have an audience if you see this I’m begging you please don’t interact I’d die of embarassment keep the fact you’ve seen this a secret from me

HS:

-JFC song of the pyre is an excellent fic, I wish it would ever get updated it’s so fucking good guys

-I need to read more vrisrezi long form

-Non-sgrub vrisrezi is best vrisrezi

-My ideal Vrisrezi au would be like HS canon, diverge into non-sgrub and they completely fall out of touch, Killing Eve season 1, then Song of the Pyre. THAT is what I want.

-Killing eve season one and two would be an even BETTER VRISROSE AU AHHHHHH

-I once read a very good trollstuck rose but it was an eri-rose ship so basically what I want is that persons troll rose but paired with vriska. For how much I blog about it I’ve read very little vrisrose fic but almost everything I know comes from this fic. . Oh uh this is not the erirose fic that I read w trollstuck although it does unfortunately have erirose but I can excuse it when the vrisrose is this Excellent

Alright I’ve run out of hyper juice, have a nice night, sorry for posting thisssss

bye

[midnightliar]

the beautiful, luminous, inimitable @violaeade​ tagged me for 50 book questions!

1. What is your favourite book and/or book series of all time?

oh maybe everything leads to you by nina lacour! it just really gets to me

2. What is the longest book you have ever read? How many pages?

uhh idk what’s the longest harry potter book bc probably that? i dont... read books that long usually

3. What is the oldest book you have ever read? (Based on its written date)

ummm i think and then there were none by agatha christie? i dont keep track by time tbh but i dont read that many old books bc i tend to have trouble reading them

4. What is a book series that everyone else loves but you do not?

the raven cycle lol

5. What book or book series would you like to see turned into a film/ TV series?

oh god most of them? 99% of the lesbian ones for sure. percy jackson would make an excellent animated movie series imo. i’m clearly biased but tasu/teota would be great on screen. 

6. What is your favourite stand-alone book?

most of the gay ones i read are standalones and theres so many good ones... i already said everything leads to you but we are okay and you know me well are also extremely good! of fire and stars killed me as well. 

7. What is a book that you feel glad for not reading?

god. straight ones? ones that i heard are racist or homo/lesbo/bi/transphobic, but in general i’m picky abt what i read bc i don’t read that many books.

8. What is a book that you feel guilty for not reading?

i was gonna say i don’t feel guilty about not reading books i don’t like/don’t want to but that’s a lie- babe if ur reading this i am SO sorry i never finished the last chaos walking book

9. What is a book you have read that is set in your country of birth?

most of them lol that’s what i get for living in america. i read we are okay pretty recently which takes place in new york, the state i was born in, so that’s a bit more specific.

10. What is a book that you own more than one copy of?

i have 2 copies of redwall for no reason other than my high school library was selling one for a dollar so i bought it even tho i had it already. i have a couple copies of some of the a wrinkle in time books bc i got some of them as gifts a bunch. 

11. What horror book made you really scared?

omg i don’t read horror but that one skulduggery pleasant short story about bubba moon or whatever freaked me the fuck out tbh

12. What book do you passionately hate?

um i haven’t read enough terrible books to say i hate them that passionately? but i rly kinda hated trc. oh yeah i read the first c*aptive pr*nce book in hs on the recommendation of a friend and it just made me so uncomfortable the entire time i really. did not have a good time with that one and i wish i hadn’t read it

13. What is the biggest book series you have read? How many books are in it?

skulduggery pleasant! theres 9 books plus short stories i still can’t believe i read all those

14. What book gives you happy memories?

aw sabrina answered this with the flywheel by erin gough and i have to say the same bc she sent it to me for my birthday, full of annotations of thoughts and jokes she made herself AND got it signed by the author, and i’ve uhhhh never felt so loved in my life

15. What book made you cry?

oh the book thief for sure. everything leads to you made me cry a bunch while rereading it even tho its not sad? thos were love tears. that happens a lot actually.

16. What book made you laugh?

skulduggery pleasant! there’s so many good lines in that one. my dad used to always hand me a book he’d just read and tell me to read a certain chapter he found hilarious but i never read the whole book but he always found hilarious memoirs too.

17. What is your favourite book that contains an LGBTQ+ character?

lmaoo like all the books i read are gay? the abyss surrounds us/the edge of the abyss have really unique lesbian characters because they’re so angry and vindictive and dumb and interesting and DRAMATIC so that one gets a shout out

18. Have you read a book with a male protagonist? What is it?

what the fuck is that (ok i legit just finished reading when the moon was ours by anna marie mclemore tho bc my gf rec’d it and it was p good)

19. Have you read a book set on another planet? What is it?

does fantasy count? bc then of fire and stars. uhh chaos walking is on a new planet. a wrinkle in time involves other planets too! wow i’m crushing this one

20. Have you ever been glad to not finish a series? Which?

the raven cycle lol i thought it was a finished trilogy when i started the first book so i just never read the last one and i am so relieved

21. Have you ever read a book series because you were pressured?

not really? i don’t really feel pressure, i value recommendations from my girlfriend friends way more than things that are trending or popular. i’ve read a couple that i blindly picked from internet lists that i didn’t care for tho but that was really a while ago

22. What famous author have you not read any books by?

pretty much any author we were supposed to read in high school. any classic or even modern famous author i probably haven’t read. i’ve read like a dozen books ever

23. Who is your favourite author of all time?

tbh nina lacour is really up there. when i was really young it was definitely gail carson levine. i rly loved anne ursu’s books as well.

24. How many bookshelves do you own?

only one! and a bunch of boxes that i never unpacked after we moved like 3 years ago. my mom wants to put a big wall bookshelf in our house somewhere bc this one didn’t come with any like our last house did but who knows if that’ll happen.

25. How many books do you own?

are u trying to make me count?

26. What is your favourite non-fiction book?

ohhh i don’t read much of this genre. i always avoided it as a kid and i’ve been meaning to get into it more but i haven’t yet. i’m really looking forward to reading a sally ride biography tho

27. What is your favourite children’s/middle-grade book?

the chronus chronicles by anne ursu were my JAM in elementary/middle school omg. i also really loved the may bird series which i didn’t read until high school.

28. What is your next book on your TBR?

i’m about to start georgia peaches and other forbidden fruit finally! my gf bought me 10 things i can see from here and i love her so whenever that arrive i’m probably gonna devour that. i want to reread a wrinkle in time soon since the trailer comes out this weekend! plus a million others

29. What book are you currently reading?

i literally just finished when the moon was ours which felt like it took me ten years to read and i haven’t started another yet but it’ll be georgia peaches bc thats the other one i got from the library and i already had to renew them haha

30. What book are you planning on buying next?

um this old west lesbian novel called backwards to oregon! i’ve been craving westerns lately but as always i’m also craving gay content

31. What was the cheapest book you bought?

i used to buy a ton of old paperbacks, usually goofy looking sf or fantasy novels from library sales for dollars or quarters so definitely those.

32. What was the most expensive book you bought?

i can tell u the most expensive book i got for free was a beautiful bound collection of hg wells stories that i just got from some book at bea before it was bookcon lol

ones i actually paid for... do art books count??

33. What is a book you read after seeing the movie/ TV series?

nah i usually have no intention of reading the book if i watched the show/movie first

34. What is the newest book you have bought?

akdjghksjgh a lesbian western novella called from the boots up for a few bucks on kindle

35. What three books are you most looking forward to reading this year?

the rest of the gay books i’ve bought but haven’t read yet! not your sidekick and labyrinth lost, i’m VERY excited to reread a wrinkle in time and i also really want to read stone butch blues

36. What is a book you love that has a terrible trope? (Love triangle, etc)

crush by sr silcox has the cutest lesbian teen summer romance AND one them is secretly a rock star avoiding her fame bc her controlling dad was turning into HIS dream instead of HERS akdjghksdjgh its fantastic i adored it

37. Have you read a book in a different language? What was it?

oh no i’m dumb as hell

38. What is a book you’ve read that is set in a time period before you were born?

for some reason dave at night by gail carson levine popped into my head first? that was my favorite as a kid and i reread it all the time and i think it took place in the 20s or 30s with all that good good jazz shit

39. What book offended you?

hm not sure how to answer this one

40. What is the weirdest book you have read?

idk the may bird series was pretty weird. gone by michael grant? i read the first for a high school book club and i just could not get into it or understand it even a little

41. What is your favourite duology?

ditty the abyss surrounds us & the edge of the abyss !!

42. What is your favourite trilogy?

wow i really haven’t read that many trilogies esp ones i loved. i guess may bird or the chronus chronicles then!

43. What book did you buy because of its cover?

the maze runner! also bc i heard it was good but i hated that book so

44. What is a book that you love, but has a terrible cover?

honestly i can’t think of one rn

45. Do you own a poetry anthology? What is your favourite poem from it?

nope! i also hated poetry as a kid and have only tried to get into it recently. i have a book of sappho’s fragments and i want to get tracy k smith from the library but thats about it

46. Do you own any colouring books based off other books?

nope

47. Do you own any historical fiction?

thats possible

48. What book made you angry?

the maze runner really did?? for some reason and i don’t get mad that much but it just really had me steamin. sabrina also said grasshopper jungle and i’m inclined to say same lmao. i haven’t read it but seeing all the lesbophobia in not otherwise specified recently made me really mad and also upset

49. What book has inspired you?

aw inspired is a serious word to throw around. the miseducation of cameron post, idk if it “inspired” me but it was my first lesbian novel and that really did a lot for me.

50. What book got you into reading?

i think it was a wrinkle in time! or maybe roald dahl books before that, but a wrinkle in time was definitely up there, and maybe the shadow thieves by anne ursu

i’m tagging @reading-takes-you-places and @mywomensworld and anyone who wants to! i don’t talk to many people here but if you follow me and want to, go for it!

[cnisms]

bye ... i’m truly done taking up muses ... these are short n poorly written but i did them ! i’ll eventually add more information on everyone when i finally get around to finishing muse pages but honestly ? this is all u need to know for now. again, if u wanna plot, just hmu :P a few mentions of drugs n alcoholism but nothing descriptive. here’s percy, zach, ajay, luke, bunny, paris & luma ! (i’ve added gwen, helena n gia too just so they’re all in one place bc i’m lazy)

FINN COLE, CIS MALE, HE/HIM — have you met perseus sage nichols yet ? the twenty-two year old is known for being both astute and jocular, but also very obstreperous and arrogant. born in melbourne, percy now lives in kensington, working as a junior management consultant.  comes from a nice family that he will always be pissed off at for very little reason. has beef w his dad for not providing even tho he really did, it was just never enough for percy. is exactly the type of dude that got mad when leo didn’t win the oscar for wolf. just wanted to be dumb rich n coked out. v smart and got an international scholarship at a good university, by the time he got kicked out for being a rowdy asshole, he’d helped his friends develop some legit apps (the most successful one being a dating app which two yrs later is really just a meme) and they suddenly had a lot of money, he just bought his way back in. bc he was in charge of the business side of things, it was easy enough for him to screw over his friends n walk away w most of what was left when their success went down the drain. got a job as a management consultant at a big, scary firm in london mostly thanks 2 his reputation. is a known ugly n ruthless n desperate to be at the top n live in disgusting luxury. can’t talk to his family or old pals without Wanting To Die bc he’s so committed to this new life he’s created for himself. is literally awful if he doesn’t like u, still awful just in a less hurtful n more annoying way if he does. doesn’t know when to stop. always forgetting n probably trying to hide the fact that he’s not a trust fund baby like all the people he hangs with now. literally just clyde oberholt ?

JAMIE BLACKLEY, CIS MALE, HE/HIM — have you met zachary vaughn baltazar yet ? the twenty-five year old is known for being both unostentatious and sincere, but also very self-deprecating and uncouth. born in berlin, zach now lives in southwark, working as a telemarketer. the nice guy who is always getting rekt (he wrecking himself lbr) is Um .. a v talented writer but is happy just shitting on his work n never exploring his potential bc why bother when he has the ideal amount of friends n weed atm right ? given up and is convinced he is satisfied, will accept any invitation. still won’t let you live tho. has opinions on ur choices and will probably share them behind ur back. somehow feels underappreciated by everyone even tho he truly believes there is nothing to appreciate. omg have a cry and grow up. king of impressive first dates n writes rlly romantic poetry but is either ghosting or getting ghosted the following week bc he is dry and confused. doesn’t know if this is really what he wants/doesn’t feel like he deserves what he wants. close with his family but tries to force more n more distance bc he can’t stand their #drama... or any drama that doesn’t give him an edge Actual Of Ly. the ders of the squad probably.

RAHUL KOHLI, CIS MALE, HE/HIM — have you met ajay charles johal yet ? the thirty year old is known for being both urbane and jovial, but also very restless and quixotic. born in chennai, ajay now lives in newham, as an airline pilot. moved to london w his parents when he was v young, spent all of his teenage yrs feeling guilty for no reason just like watching all his parents did for him to be happy n healthy ? never got over the guilt. is just a v feeling person ig ! anyways he was so committed to helping his parents out, which was rlly truly the only thing he’s ever committed to in his life. needed enough money to support all three of them but rlly had no idea how to go about it. pilot was just one of the ideas handed to him back in high school n he went with it bc he knew he’s never actually settle on anything. turned out ok bc he likes being able 2 actually get the entire hell away from his problems. a v flighty person (aha... classic) and doesn’t have many close relationships bc of it. v respected ... v respectful ... quality lad but can be a lil immature under it all. wish he’d stop feeling bad just bc he has GOOD parents.

TOBY REGBO, CIS MALE, HE/HIM — have you met luciano andrius falley yet ? the twenty-five year old is known for being both genial and cultivated, but also very irksome and delphic. born in naples, luke now lives in camden, as a struggling actor and annoying historian. tragic backstory ? never heard of that. comes from a supportive ($$$ n <333) family who probably only pay for the many flights for all his long ass self discovery backpacking trips bc deep down they can’t put up with him anymore. is a super friendly n outgoing person, the type that is literally always reading a book he only half understands but will bring up what he has learned from it at one of his MANY dinner parties where ur only option is CHICKEN and lots of wine while he refuses to SHUT THE FRICK UP. cute ! kinda very judgemental but will just sigh n let u fuck up. “not to get political but...” is always like Hm Yes ! I Love Hearing Other People’s Stories ! but when ? when does he hear anything other than his own voice ? he probably gives himself lectures on intersectional feminism when he’s home alone he just doesn’t stop. honestly he only ever means well n ig he’s interesting enough but Really... fake struggling yet still pretentious aesthetics.

MARGOT ROBBIE, CIS FEMALE, SHE/HER — have you met elizabeth celine leblanc ? the twenty-seven year old is known for being both coruscating and ardent, but also very egocentric and bourgeois. born in seattle, bunny now lives in southwark, as an influential homemaker. boozy housewife. spent her childhood living below the poverty line before her father began helping ppl smuggle drugs into america. he built his own big operation off of that (with a hygiene product company as a cover) and was successful enough to squash the few people it pissed off. business spread to europe n then when he was ready to retire and the south gang was interested, he had elizabeth marry into it before he sold the operation just to make sure he would always be taken care of. it got handed down to her husband bc she wasn’t interested in any legit roles (her asshole fathers fault honestly ? he wouldn’t have given her control even if she wanted it) and she just went along with whatever would keep her from returning to her Humble Beginnings. is very “i do whatever i have to in order to survive” n by survive she means never actually work n just waltz around a mansion in designer gowns all day. materialistic n v selfish. fake charitable for her socialite image. doesn’t cook, but is always sharing recipes. has no real interest in the soap she pretends to make. is consistently fake. literally gets zero joy from anything that isn’t spending money. could probably be happy if she could escape her family’s ugly beliefs n misogynistic practices n she’s getting there but just . slowly. hates the nickname bunny, but i’m forcing the meme.

MIMI ELASHIRY, CIS FEMALE, SHE/HER — have you met paris nefret bayoumi yet ? the twenty year old is known for being both beneficent and equable, but also very disengaging and inelegant. born in alexandria, paris now lives in greenwich, practicing herbalism. also works at the rosado but whom cares ? not her ! all she cares abt are the HERBS. was raised by her grandmother who was a Kitchen Witch (as in .. u know ... this isnt a supernatural rp But that woman was a witch !) so she’s always practiced similar hobbies but now she’s all about making her friends custom teas ! n yea paris likes to claim that she’s also a witch. is extra but in a calm n collected way. serene at all times but unintentionally sardonic. not super bright but has plenty of advice for every problem. seems to enjoy oversharing and yet no one knows exactly whats the deal w her parents (criminals that have always been n remain in hiding, some people think they’re straight up pirates now) or anything serious in her life rlly . but u wanna know what russells burp smelt like last week ? she’s about to tell u.

SOFIA BLACK-D'ELIA, CIS FEMALE, SHE/HER — have you met luma camille pontecorvo yet ? the twenty-three year old is known for being both optimistic and dexterous, but also very prevaricating and overindulged. born in quebec city, luma now lives in waltham forest, working in retail.  ah , another brat . she was left w her much older half brother n his wife when he mom dipped when she was fourteen n honestly they felt so bad n also had no idea how to handle her so they just . gave her everything she wanted without question. she had her mothers bad attitude n reckless habits tho n when she started getting her nieces n nephews in trouble once they were all in college together, her brother Politely kicked her out of their lives by offering to set her up anywhere she wanted “for the Experience”. she picked london n quickly got a job at a kingsley store n has been working there for a few yrs now. now also deals party drugs at clubs for the north family n she rlly lets that be the focus of her life, so she’s always showing up to her day job late n overtired. doesn’t ever really lie but rarely tells the whole truth. ig she would be fun to hang out with but she’s probably a fair bit cunty. doesn’t care about ur feelings, has very few of her own, just here for a meme. truthfully she’s angry abt everyone ditching her but it gets ugly whenever the topic comes up n dark!luma is an actual thing that makes an appearance.

MADCHEN AMICK, CIS FEMALE, SHE/HER — have you met gwendolyn griet hathaway yet ? the forty-three year old is known for being both reverent and winsome, but also very acquisitive and ambivalent. born in las vegas, gwen now lives in richmond upon thames, managing a record label. also known as gwen nash. mother to gertrude bc we meme too hard. born in nevada, her own momther bailed early n then her father disappeared when she was fourteen (she’s always been sure he was murdered by a biker gang but no one believed her n kept saying he just ran off on her but ! the story comes up whenever she drinks still) n she ended up just getting a cleaning job in a motel n taking care of herself. eventually she met a nice older couple who sort of took her in. they were responsible for a lot of jazz artists n she stanned them hard ? sang for them for a short while n eventually married their son mostly bc she wanted to actually be part of the family yikes… anyway they had a Beautiful Daughter together obviously n eventually got control of the label n thats all they rlly share now post separation. tragic n twenty years later than everyone expected . anyway she’s lurkin about london, lookin for talent n trying to fix her relationship with gertrude (i’d hate my mom if she named me that too … no a fence) n just drinkin wine ig ! she’s very … impulsive and only ever thinks about herself in the moment but otherwise ? she can be kind n caring but Ya . her habit of just jumping into things for her own pleasure generally hurts other people so she’s a lot of strained relationships. still seems v standoffish mostly bc she’s Um . Scared Of Everything. literally does not matter how much shit she sees ? permanently spooked. lowkey cruel sense of humor but she just seems so gentle 95% of the time that when she makes a sick joke ur like Oh she doesn’t realize how bad that sounds ! hates memes.

LILY JAMES, CIS FEMALE, SHE/HER — have you met helena therese o’shea yet ? the twenty-six year old is known for being both cultivated and strong-willed, but also very callous and tenacious. born in chicago, helena now lives in wandsworth, working at erstead’s and planning birthday parties. a tragedy. always had it in her head that she was better than everyone else (especially her brother ) but never fully committed to the brat act, like she never threw tantrums or asked for too much, v well mannered n proper but it’s always been obvious that she’s permanently disgusted by everyone except for herself. sometimes also disgusted by herself tho. will say something cringeworthy n just about put a hit on herself for it. was a v successful wedding planner for a while, her business took off rlly quick thanks to a few helpful connections. got engaged herself 3 years ago and cut off most of her family n all her old friends to start this new amazing life she always thought she deserved ? sike. after three years of putting off the wedding, she got dumped n came home to work @ erstead’s bc she’s like well if i’m gonna crash this hard i might as well hit rock bottom ! plans birthday parties for children occasionally. hates children. hates everything. fun ? never experienced that emotion. barely tries to make up with the people she wronged bc despite setting herself back 6 yrs, she still thinks she’s above everyone else. loves to complain. doesn’t really have much going for her honestly other than ? total commitment to whatever it is that’s happening in her life. obviously that’s not workin out for her rn ?

CHARLI XCX, CIS FEMALE, SHE/HER — have you met georgiana lalaine visariya yet ? the twenty-three year old is known for being both jocund and unfeigned, but also very vexatious and lowbrow. born in kiev, gia now lives in soho, being extra on youtube.  gia is honestly .. a headache. she was always a v creative person, ‘expressing herself’ n doin’ the most when literally no one asked ever. she started vlogging two years ago n got bored quickly so instead she decided to start her own (fake) reality series on youtube ? she handled everything by herself at first n reached out to hot local people who were popular on instagram n youtube to star in it WITH HER and only got a few people in on it but ? it took off. now she has a whole crew n writers n what not working on it with her (even tho most of the time she will take over every part of the production n handle it herself again) n it gets her good money (especially bc she’s shameless n stays making sure she’s a main in every single episode so she gets those instagram sponsors too) calls herself “““punk lauren conrad””” n is clearly too extra. a very very confident n loud person, super friendly, loves everyone n honestly u can try to drag her but that’s not gonna stop her running up to u in the street next time she sees u n telling you to drop whatever it is ur doing to go get cocktails with her. she’s so … genuine irl that you literally would not belieb how much of the show is scripted n thought up by her w that … interesting … imagination. will annoy u for content.

[boyjadzia]

omg sara @shinelikeastarlight tagged me to do this super long tag game hlep

tagging: @void-for-president, @the-alexandrian-alchemist, @starboysisko, @magnmite, @yacobeanreign (of course only if y’all want)

last text sent: "cool [thumbs up emoji]”

list three favourite colours: ???? don’t do this to me

what time did u wake up at today: 11am, it’s reading period don’t judge me what were u doing last night at midnight: playing drunk rock band name something you can’t wait for: this godforsaken quarter to be over when was the last time u saw ur mother: over winter break/new year’s one thing u wish u could change abt ur life: the crippling depression/abandonment issues are getting kinda old, I’d like to feel like I have a stable community/family who love and support me whats getting on ur nerves rn: the discourse favourite tv shows: star trek (all of them but esp DS9), idk I’m sort of obsessed with yuri on ice at the moment, those two are the main ones tbh? first best friend: my girl India who doesn’t have a tumblr but we’ve been best friends since we met on the playground at age 5. our moms are also tight. listening to rn: nothing, the sound of my laptop fan straining to keep my computer from bursting into flame

3 fears: never having a group of people I feel I can call family, never being in love, cavities

4 turn ons: self-awareness/humility, being sensitive about & respectful of my dysphoria, trust/willingness to be vulnerable, being honest & vocal about what you like 4 turn offs: being boring, being insensitive/distant, not being conscientious about how you interact with my body (i.e. assuming you can just treat my body the same way you’d treat a woman’s body and that’s a-ok), heterosexuality of any kind sexual orientation: gay tbh senior year quote in my year book: oh god some generic hillary clinton quote about feminism I don’t even wanna remember it first thing i notice in a person: ?? what they look like? shoe size: 7M/9W (US) eye colour: hazel hair colour: brown favourite item of clothing: probably my leather jacket, close runners up are my high-waisted black jeans that look good with pretty much anything and my crop top that says “I got to second base at Jonah’s bar mitzvah, January 7th 1978″ what colour of underwear i’m wearing rn: blue/brown/white stripes favourite season: whichever one has like 60-70F weather, used to be summer but now that’s spring lol how much time i spent on designing my blog: not much I just picked a theme the reason i joined tumblr: this is pretty sad but... I wanted to make friends do i ever get “good morning” or “goodnight” texts: only if I’m like talking to someone right before going to bed when did i last hold hands: don’t remember how long does it take me to get ready in the morning: depends, anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour have i shaved my legs in the past 3 days: LMAO try the last 4 years where am i rn: on my couch do i like music loud or at a reasonable level: reasonable, loud noises are scary 3 things i love: my friends, dogs, idk earth? how i feel rn: I need to gtf to sleep lol something i rlly, rlly want: to feel like I don’t have to radically change my body to be attractive to the people I want to attract 3 things that upset me: feeling like I’m hurting or burdening other people, straight men trying to hit on me, the persistent feeling that being transmasc somehow makes me a bad person what i find attractive in other ppl: appreciating subjects other than your field of study, confidence, ambition, someone who’s accomplished interesting things in their life, being friendly, genuine & not condescending 3 habits i have: staying in bed all day on days when I don’t have to do anything, only eating part of my lunch during lunch time and eating the rest for dinner, carrying off ridiculous amounts of free food from events something i fantasize abt: feeling comfortable and secure in my attractiveness vis a vis how my body looks, and in my presence in gendered spaces something im talented at: singing, memorization, embarrassing myself the blog i give the most notes to: idk, probably sara tbh last person re-blogged sth from me: I haven’t checked my notifications in a while o_0 do  i smoke/drink: I drink with friends my favourite food: I’m a big fan of things with cheese in them. also guacamole. my favourite dessert: it really depends ugh I guess cake? what i did yesterday: had my last day of classes, went to work, went to an award ceremony/opening gala for an integrated DNA technologies sponsored exhibit at the field museum (it was so fancy I felt so grown up and fancy), went to kat’s birthday party number of kids i want: ???? number of siblings i have: none something thats constantly on my mind: trangst (trans angst)

last person i messaged on tumblr: teddy (void-for-president) can i drive: nope :/ what state or part of the world do i live in: Chicago, from Brooklyn am i in school: 3rd year undergrad do i get grossed out easily: not generally, but certain specific things will do it (ex. dead animals especially FISH) somewhere i would like to visit for a week: hm maybe go back and see Alaska again? check on that mountain biking trail I helped build in 10th grade i’ll love u if: make an effort to spend your free time with me/take the initiative in telling me that you value my being in your life last show i binge-watched: I binged legend of korra over winter break, probably that what words upset me the most: idk I guess people telling me I’m wrong for existing in the spaces that I occupy? what words make me feel best abt myself: when people tell me they value having me in their lives and that I make them feel good about themselves a wish that i’ve wished for repeatedly on 11:11: that’s not a thing that I do :/ who i would switch lives with for a day: idk maybe someone who’s already gone on T and sings just so I could get a sense of what the voice change is like for a singer? or like. a famous celebrity or something. my favourite ice cream: green tea I think? allergies: minor allergy to raw eggplant I think, every time I eat undercooked eggplant my mouth starts to feel like it’s swelling up, not like my throat is being blocked off but just my mouth starts to hurt quite noticeably sexiest person to come to mind immediately: alskdjfsldk this is really hard uhh uhhh ok see my first thought is like star trek characters but I can’t say that ok let’s go with john boyega he’s gorgeous and seems like a ray of sunshine my childhood career choice: biologist! one of my insecurities: that being transmasc nonbinary and still participating in some women’s spaces/not letting go of some aspects of womanhood makes me a bad person and specifically is harming transfeminine people how many blogs am i following: just over 100 I think how many tabs/different windows do i have open at this very moment: 2 windows, this is the only tab open in this window because my internet sucks and tumblr is a monster website, the other window has 13 tabs coke or pepsi: not super into either, I guess coke although my aunt used to work for pepsi so I should be loyal tea or coffee: tea movie or book: movie probably, I don’t actually read that much it’s embarrassing, although frankly I don’t really watch movies that much either a sense i would be willing to lose: none omg! I guess if I had to pick taste? since taste is mostly smell anyway quote i live by: I don’t really? type of accessory i wear the most: does the leather jacket count? otherwise none last awkward situation i found myself in: I kept trying to pet eva’s dog today but I just ended up scaring her what time is it rn: way too late

a song that made me cry: hallelujah by leonard cohen, not actually, just like made me v emotional (yes I’m thinking abt that yiddish cover) first song u ever sang at karaoke: are we talking like legit karaoke at a karaoke place or like hanging out in my best friend from middle school’s basement singing along with her CD of karaoke tracks for the hottest hits of the mid-2000s bc I don’t remember the former but the latter was definitely sk8r boi