#Kinda Crack

[demolitionw0man]

A still from the video 😈

[cinnbar-bun]

Random Things I Think Crocodile Does

This isn’t really anything special it’s just my word vomit. As always, MENA!Croc 💖💖 my beloved. No defined gender for reader. This is just random ass hcs for funsies kinda crack ngl.

All below!

Snores loudly in bed. The cigars are catching up to him. Refuses to get help for it or acknowledge he may have a snoring problem.

Falls asleep really quickly. Like. Anywhere. If you two are sitting on the couch watching a movie, he’ll fall asleep ten minutes in (if you’re lucky enough to have his attention that long) and then wake up when the credits roll. He’ll sleep through a damn war, but suddenly the credits are up and he’ll say “wow, what a great movie.”

Pistachio man. Loves pistachio ice cream. Loves pistachio ashta pancakes. Loves pistachio anything.

I mean in general he looks like he’d love eating mixed nuts but I think he’d enjoy pistachios the most.

Drinks tea very very dark with no sugar.

OKAY SO IM NOT SURE IF YALL WILL UNDERSTAND I THINK THIS IS LIKE AN IMMIGRANT OR POC EXPERIENCE BUT THOSE THICK ASS BLANKETS?? WITH LIKE THE PRINTS ON THEM??? He has one, it’s blue and has tigers on it. (Why is it always tigers?)

Doesn’t like you touching the thermostat in true daddy fashion.

But like in the opposite way, I think his DF makes it so he is immune to the heat so he cranks that shit up and you’re sweating buckets.

Likewise could you imagine him being a baby the minute the temperature drops a bit?? 😭😭 he’s wrapped up in twenty layers because it’s 68 degrees and he’s convinced he’ll freeze to death.

Don’t bother playing Monopoly with him.

The old man who squints his eyes and puts his phone to his face to read anything.

Guy who sends long ass voice messages/voicemails to you, count how many times he almost hacks his lungs out.

Omg like my personal favorite thing… him slipping into an Arabic accent or using Arabic whenever he has a brain fart on an English word.

[thelemoncoffee]

very very strange au concept surrounding a Phantom thief au DICE mission tactic

it started with Beez suggesting an au where DICE has more than 10 members and some of them are assigned to dress up as clones of Kokichi to throw police off, but it got weirder from there-

then we went "hey what if they chased Kokichi into a warehouse and came face to face with several clones" having to try and catch as many as they could and hope they caught the real one, if he was even in the group to begin with

next logical leap was to expand it to the rest of the og DICE- ie: DICE grunts having whole teams of people who are similar heights to the og DICE dressing up in their uniforms and committing smaller thefts as "copycats" around the city, committing some of their thefts shortly before the time real heists is set to happen to draw police away from the heist

how much worse can this get you may ask? why not become clones the detectives and police who are after them? how fucked up would it be to have DICE members impersonating higher-ups in the police force or Detective agency on their case? imagine seeing the coworker you jsut saw leave the building now suddenly in a meeting on the third floor.

how confused and panicked do you think Shuichi would be if he saw himself staring back at him down the hall?

[icycoldninja]

Hello, I hope you are having a good day! I stumbled upon your blog today and since I read through it and consumed as much od your writing as I could, I want to request a Sparda boys + V x reader where the reader got a bad sunburn and they take care of the reader.

Sure, these might be a bit short, but enjoy!

Sparda boys + V x Sunburnt!Reader headcannons

¤ Dante ¤

-The first thing Dante did was laugh his ass off at you. He doesn't care that it's mean, he thinks you look ridiculous with half your body bright red.

-Once you start pouting/growling at him, he quickly pulls himself together and goes to find some ointment to alleviate your irritatation.

-He then examined your burns, wraps the more serious ones, and puts extra lotion on the minor ones.

-After that, he tells you to avoid the outdoors for a while, to drink plenty of water, and to get some rest.

-He'll keep you company all day, don't worry, the only drawback is that he's afraid to touch you because he doesn't want to aggravate your burns.

■ Vergil ■

-Vergil clicks into mom mode the minute he sees your skin all red.

-Immediately forces you into the nearest seat (unless the burns are on your legs, then he'll make you stand) and orders you to wait there while he looks for something to help you.

-Returns from wherever he went with his arms full of lotions and creams and begins smothering you in the stuff.

-Bandages you so tightly after that, you look and feel like a mummy.

-Even though he's already done so much, Vergil still refuses to let you out of his sight. Don't blame him, he's just worried about you and a tad bit overprotective.

□ Nero □

-Freaks the fuck out.

-Nero has spent a lot of time either indoors or hanging out at night, and when he's outside, he's usually battling something or someone. He's never personally had a sunburn, even though he knows what they are, and doesn't know what to do when you get one.

-After a bit of internal panicking, Nero remembered Google exists and searched up "cure for sunburn". Thankfully what you had wasn't very serious.

-Nero then cared for your burns to the best of his abilities before offering some advice he literally pulled off the first few results on Google.

-You'll be fine and are probably able to return to normal life by now, but you're grateful for his help all the same.

● V ●

-V doesn't really know what a sunburn is. He's only been alive for a few months, you know.

-He first thought you were trying out some new makeup trend when he saw your bright red skin. Once you revealed what it really was, he and Griffon set out to do research.

-Instead of going online like a normal person, V heads for the library and is gone for a day. He returns, eventually, with a bag full of herbal creams you're not sure where he got.

-While going on and on about the stuff he read in an old tome possibly more ancient than the library itself, he applies the stuff to your skin.

-Holy shit, it actually works. Your burns are gone the next morning.

[hey-august]

buggy's the kinda guy whose marshmallows catch on fire when making smores.

he panics then acts like it was on purpose. it's no big deal, the char adds flavor.

it happens multiple times. the same poor marshmallow is set alight and blown out in a frenzy, until it gives up on ever becoming a smore and threatens to fall into the fire.

when buggy finally wrangles the gooey marshmallow on its layered bed of chocolate and graham cracker, he squeeze the smore so damn tight that the molten sugar oozes out and burns his fingertips.

obviously the best course of action is to pop the snack in his mouth so it's not burning his lil fingies anymore. instead, it burns his tongue.

he's like a dog eating peanut butter. sticky sugar and melting chocolate are clogging up the works. he's chewing and smacking with an open mouth, taking hollow breaths to cool the heat. it's obnoxious.

buggy chews the confection just enough for him to choke it down. the magma sludge singes his throat.

tears are in his eyes and his sticky fingered hand is already back in the marshmallow bag. time to do it all again.

[bullet-rebuttle]

There’s a muddled voice in the room and..it’s rather loud. When the door is open revealing the source.

“Miku..miku..you may call me miku..blue hair blue tie hiding in your WiFi..open secrets anyone can find me-“ the mangaka is singing to himself while drawing before he turns around.

“Gah!! W-w-where did you come from!? D-don’t you know how to knock!? I-I..I-i..you heard nothing!!”

[i-simp-stobotnik]

This post, by @kelltern-tempest gave me a giggle yesterday, so I made this thing. Stone is a horny, horny little freak, you cannot convince me otherwise.

Can you figure out the reference in the bolt name? It's not that deep but lol my holiday brain goes brrr.

[breakandbuildfiction]

Meeting Other Royals

After becoming the Ghost King of the Infinite Realms, Danny finds himself having to take on a lot of new responsibilities. Chief among these is the duty to represent the Realms at interdimensional events for High Society. Luckily for Danny, he isn’t the only teenager/young adult forced to attend, so at least he has some people he can hang out with between schmoozing it up with his fellow bigwigs.

[lost-in-my-world-of-dreams]

Oh No! Looks Looks Like Kolya Needs Some New Clothes!

Nikolai Gogol x Reader

You were out shopping for your boyfriend when you got a genius idea. You had to do most of the shopping for Nikolai since, he is part of a terrorist organization, (you are part of the doa too but you’re more sneaky, shhh) and today, your loving partner needed some extra clothes as one too many of his had fallen victim to an excessive amount of blood splatter, and this time even his seemingly magical detergent couldn’t save it. 

    But, this lead you to your amazing revelation. It’s no secret that Nikolai has got the most gorgeous thighs in all of human existence, and he was not afraid to own that fact, or to tease you about it for that matter. And who are you to pass up the opportunity to make him show them off? It was fate that the store you went to just so happened to be selling off their excess halloween  costumes. So how were you supposed to not buy that slutty nun costume that had the extremely high slits in the dress? And besides, the material was surprisingly high quality.

  When you returned home with the most suspicious grin on your face, Nikolai instantly knew something was up. So he used his ability to snatch the bag from you to peak at its contents, suspecting that it was the cause of your evil smile.

  “Oh? And what could be in this bag that has my dove so excited?” He teases, evading your attempts at retrieving it and bringing it to himself to peak inside. Upon seeing the garment you oh so lovingly picked out for him, his face goes a little bit red and he starts to laugh.

  “Well you did say that you needed some new clothes until you could make yourself new ones, so i took some creative liberties.” 

  “AAHHH MY DOVE YOU FLATTER ME!!” Nikolai jumps at you and spins you around in a tight hug. 

  “Now… let me go try this on!!” He grins and runs away to the bedroom to change into the wonderful new outfit you picked out.

[unkindledangell]

Hey. I was feeling kinda emotional, so I came up with a NSFW Oviposition idea that turned into a angst/fluff idea for a Sastiel fic 🧜‍♂️

Also, I wanted to make an edit to visualize it and this happened lol. AI could never

So, the idea is: Sam is a 30-year-old guy who usually goes to this quiet, not-so-popular beach in the afternoons to chill, swim, or just be alone for a bit. One day, he finds Castiel, a cephalopod man (half-octopus) stranded on the shore, tangled in a net.

Sam doesn’t question what he’s seeing or that he’s looking at a non-human creature—he just helps him out and gets him back in the water. After that, they start a friendship. They swim together, hang out every time they bump into each other. Castiel doesn’t share much about where he’s from, and Sam doesn’t ask, they just have little chats on the shore or on the rocks.

One day, Cas shows up saying he’s in heat and needs to lay his eggs. Sam offers to help, knowing it’s an important process for him and feeling all in because of the bond they've formed. That night, they have sex in the ocean, and Cas fills him with eggs. Later, Sam expels them on the beach and Cas tells him he’ll take them back to the ocean to hatch. Sam wakes up on the sand, confused and unsure if it was all just a dream. He’s naked and there's no sign of Cas.

Sam doesn’t see him again for a long time. Weeks go by, then months. He keeps going back to the beach, hoping to see Cas swimming around or explaining what happened that night, or what those eggs were about, but Cas never returns. Eventually, Sam loses hope and starts forgetting about him, thinking maybe it was all just his imagination, a lonely illusion. He feels alone every time he goes to the beach, carrying something he doesn’t quite understand.

Then, 9 months later, Sam’s still going to the beach sometimes, hoping for some kind of peace from the waves, even though he’s accepted he’ll never see Cas again. But, as fate and Chuck would have it, one day he sees bubbles in the water and Cas rises out of the ocean again. Sam squints, thinking he’s seeing things, and rushes toward him. He’s frustrated and relieved, confused and pissed off. As he gets closer, he’s still wondering if he’s seeing a mirage or losing his mind.

When he gets to the shore, he realizes Cas is carrying something in his arms—a baby (Jack), and Cas tells him it’s his son.

Turns out Cas had left so the eggs could hatch at the bottom of the sea, and one of them would turn into a baby. But he had to wait 9 months for it to be born underwater and then bring it back to the surface.

I also thought about doing a version where Sam gets pregnant with the egg and it becomes an Mpreg-Eggpreg thing where Castiel leaves him for 9 months to hibernate and comes back just in time for Sam to give birth.

Just a one-shot idea I came up with. Anything that ends with a happy ending and a baby in a non-traditional way. I wanted to make something purely NSFW oviposition, but it ended up turning into a bit of angst/comfort.

Anyway, just some ideas I like sharing

[myreputatioooon]

Their kink is cuckolding that's why they're like that

[ghostyyells]

SILLY LITTLE (SEMISELF SHIP VIDEO

[chaotic-orphan]

The Hero and The Infant part 2

Read part one here!

I found this orphaned in my drafts and I don’t know why I never posted it but here you go now, eat that up it’s good for you

*~*~*~*~*

“Villain.”

The hero didn’t shout it. They didn’t need to. Villain would hear them fine even over all the destruction and screaming and emergency services.

Hero just stared from the street up at Villain and villain looked down at Hero. Hero lifted their hand in a wave and then pulled the cigarette from their lips, exhaling a lungful of smoke.

“Hero-“ sidekick began but Hero shook their head.

“It’s okay kid. I got it from here,” hero said still staring at Villain. “So you gonna invite me up or do I have to climb twelve flights of stairs?”

Villain just stared. Sidekick moved forward, suddenly hesitant in bringing hero here. Just as they opened their mouth to say it to hero, they were wrenched into the sky by an invisible hand and suddenly hero was below them.

“Fucking shit,” Hero cursed, flicking their cigarette to the ground as they started running to the apartment building to the left of Villain and taking the stairs two at a time.

Villain stared at sidekick with a scientific kind of curiosity. “You’re new,” Villain purred. Their voice like liquid silver dancing it’s way through the sky to Sidekick’s ears sending a shiver down their spine.

“Yeah. I’m Superhero’s sidekick.”

Villain tilted their head to the side. “Do you know the mortality rate of Superhero’s previous sidekicks?”

Sidekick stared villain in the eye as they said, “I do.”

“And you took the job anyways?”

“I did.”

“Hmm. Not very chatty. You remind me of an old friend of mine.”

“Hero, I’m guessing.”

Villain smiled. “Yes. My dear cantankerous hero.”

“I met them today. They were difficult.”

“Nothing easy is worth anything, sidekick. Some parting advice.”

“You’re letting me go?”

“Oh yes,” said Villain. “Quite literally.”

Sidekick didn’t have time to process Villain’s words before wind rushed through their clothes, through their hair, through them as they fell like a comet to earth.

Then their momentum stopped suddenly and they were swinging into a brick wall, their arm yanked out of its socket and Hero above them, leaning out a broken window, two feet planted on the sill and pulled Sidekick up despite their cries and cursing.

“God, I know. I’m sorry sidekick. You shouldn’t have been here.”

“Fucking what the fuck?!” Sidekick mewled cradling their arm to their chest.

“Villain doesn’t usually act like this,” Hero told them matter to factly.

“What?”

“They don’t usually act this way. First impressions are everything but I swear there’s good in them.”

Sidekick blinked at Hero as Hero helped them to their feet. “You’re defending them?!”

“Well it’s my fault you see. I haven’t been returning their texts.”

“You haven’t— what?!”

“Your shoulder—“ hero said. “It’s dislocated.”

“No fucking shit! You yanked it out of it’s socket!”

“Would you rather be a splat on the concrete? Cause I can still push you out the window.”

Sidekick walked to the stairwell and braced themselves against the wall. Hero stepped forward a warning on their lips: “kid, I wouldn’t do th—“

A resounding pop and a shriek of pain from sidekick as they slid down the wall, breathing harshly through gritted teeth.

Hero opened their mouth, but Sidekick just held up a finger and wagged it in Hero’s stupid face: “don’t. Say. Anything.”

Sidekick braced themselves against the wall, sliding up it with a groan of pain and rolled their shoulder. Forwards. Backwards. Then they set their furious eyes on Hero and without a word turned and started ascending the stairwell to the roof.

Hero laughed, stunned at the kid’s resilience and followed them up the stairs. “Do you want some—“

“Just shut the hell up,” Sidekick said, kicking the door to the roof open and looking down pointedly at Hero who was midway through taking a bag of sweets from their pocket. “And go out and do your job.”

“Yes boss,” Hero said with a smile, putting a fizzy lace through their teeth. They emerged onto the roof, arms spread wide and yelled: “what the fuck are ya doing?” to Villain who was no doubt still floating in the sky, and Sidekick sat down heavy on the steps and took a few deep breaths before joining Hero on the roof.

*~*~*~*~*

Continued here

[dewying-my-best]

Watching Nerds Of A Feather, thinking about a forbidden love situation between Buford and Baljeet.

[iwillfightgodandwin]

How pete giving patrick words probably works:

PS "Can I please have some words Pete?"

PW "Sure Patrick! Here you go!"

PS "... Pete these are terrible, give me better ones."

PW "You're terrible, here."

How I think pete giving patrick words works:

"F̵̢̟̘͒͋̐e̵̟͙̦͋̓͊é̴͓͎͍́̀d̴̡̦̙͋̿͒ ḿ̵̡̫͉̽͘e̸̙̙̞̔͑͌ W̴͓͕̻͛̓͝o̴̝̠̼̽̚͠r̵͇̻͖̾̾d̸̦̦͓̿̽͆s̸̢̪͚̈́͌̚s̴͎̦͉̿͆̓s̸̡̝̝͊̒"

"Jesus, Patrick! Wtf?! Here, take some."

" .̴̦̼̽̽.̸̡̢͉͆̓͝.̵̠͎̟͐̕͠ t̴͉͖͍͆́͠e̵͔̞͓̐͑̈́r̵̪̙͚̓̕͝r̵̻̻͇̔͒́i̸̘̦͒̿̈́b̸͕̼̔͛̈́l̸͙͓͉̓̀͘e̴̺̠͊͘͘͜,̴͕̦͛͆͜͝ b̵̝̫̺̐͛͘a̵̦͓͖͐̽͆d̵͓̪͔̈́͋̀ w̵̪͓͇̾͛͘o̴̢͍͆̕̚͜r̴͙̘͍͋̚͠d̵͚̝̪͑̐̔s̴̠̫̒̓̕"

"Fuck you! Those are great words! Whatever, have these one instead then!"

[tineetinylily]

Why my au exists in the first place/j

From what I've seen kavetham is just a whole lot of bickering/arguing (no hate it's just from what I've seen lol)