#Killing self
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gonna find out (half professionally) if i have autism in just over 12 hours!!
#i need to be confirmed by 2 doctors before i can get a proper diagnosis. but#also even if i dont get an official diagnosis. im still almost 100% certain i have autism#but i think my symptoms Do Not match up with diagnosis symptoms#whichll make it tricky#cause like. im not a 5 year old boy. which is who all the diagnosis symptoms are based on#not on mid teenager afab people#siiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh#IT. PRESENTS. DIFFERENTLY. IN. AFAB. AND. AMAB. PEOPLE.#UGHHHHHHHH#KILLING SELF
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oh my god is this the last splatoon 3 season. im gonna throw up and cry and shit
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I want to be able to go to a cafe with cute pastries
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Can’t play BG3 today because I MISSED the purolator delivery and then it’s NOT at the pickup location they said it’d be
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Sometimes I wish we would start calling out the performative radicalism on this site for the poser bullshit it is. "Remember, it's always morally correct to kill a cop!" "Don't forget to firebomb your local government office!" "Wow, it sure would be a shame if these instructions on how to make a molotov cocktail got spread around!"
Okay. But you're not killing cops or firebombing government offices. You are posting on a dying microblogging website to a carefully-curated echo chamber that has radicalized itself into thinking that taking the absolute most extreme position on any subject is praxis but that anyone discussing the most practical way to effect actual change is your sworn enemy. You do not have the street cred OR the activist cred to be talking about killing cops, babe.
#thinking about the person i saw saying that if you're at a protest#and other protesters try to stop you from becoming violent you should just kill them bc 'peace police are still police'#even taken as hyperbole that's simply dumb as shit on every conceivable level#it's also pretty blatantly hypocritical coming from people who are usually self-avowed prison/death penalty abolitionists#like i'm sorry but you don't get to be a death penalty abolitionist and also call for the death of your political enemies online#this isn't a major issue or anything i'm just bored and annoyed
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old people being stupid idiot bigots get me out of hereee
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this is so devastating. laois should have just shot him with a gun
#put him out of his misery#it would have been kinder#like holy shit kabru blurts out that he wants to be laois' friend like it's some kind of confession#and then laois says that he knows it must be a lie because no one would ever be that down bad#that's so EMBARASSING#it's literally a miracle kabru didn't kill himself immediately after this conversation#i would have self immolated#dungeon meshi#kabru#laois#labru
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Looking at the zine deadline and crying
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He finally looks like the tired divorced middle aged dad he is
#i would've killed to have his tall-man self have some grey hairs#to make it even more obvious he is OLD#as i watch dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#dungeon meshi#chilchuk tims#chilchuck
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truth serum / system reveal au where shen qingqiu gets hit with an uncloaking spell that reveals the system in the reflection of his eyes every time it pops up.
during one of his missions, in the treasure hoard of some dragon-like creature, he finds a golden, oval shaped hand mirror, its gaudy style more victorian based than anything (airplane you hack!), that doesn't seem to do anything when he looks into it. but when he does, it reveals the system's screen in his eyes.
he doesn't notice this, of course, because he can't see it, and the system, surprisingly, stays quiet.
the peak lords think he's cursed.
maybe mu qingfang is the first to notice, during the mandatory post mission check-up, when shen qingqiu is scrolling through his most recently accumulated points and mu qingfang can see the strange vividly-blue lines reflected in his pupils. it's gone when shen qingqiu blinks, like it was nothing but a trick of the light.
it comes out when yue qingyuan is visiting and, just as he's done laying out the plans for a new mission, shen qingqiu's eyes glaze over and a bright blue box takes over the whole of his iris. shen qingqiu goes quiet; the thing in his eyes moves, shifts, pulses for a second, like static worms crawling all over his pupils. then he blinks, and it's gone, and shen qingqiu accepts the mission that yue qingyuan was almost sure he would decline.
maybe there is an intervention, when the peak lords corner shen qingqiu at qian cao peak and try to figure out what's wrong, subjecting him to all kinds of treatments and curse-finding spells that turn up empty, they can't find anything.
of course, the silencing threat is still very much up and running. at first shen qingqiu was kind of confused by the whole ordeal, but when the peak lords start describing a "strange blue box", he realizes, with sickening suddenty, that they're describing the system. and he can't say anything.
this only makes everything worse, because their fellow peak lord now keeps evading every question and acts like he doesn't understand. liu qingge points right at his face and asks, "that blue box, what is it?" and shen qingqiu laughs nervously and starts talking about how bright the weather is and surely it's the sky and nothing to worry about!
even worse, during the intervention the system thought it was a good idea to start talking to him, so now even the peak lords who hadn't seen it and who might have been persuaded by light tricks and reflections, get a first row view that no, that definitely isn't a trick of the light.
they try to do the whole thing of "are you in danger, blink twice" but shen qingqiu can't even do that because it's still a direct admittance!
maybe eventually he starts saying vague confirmations that don't actually confirm anything, like "this master hears what you're saying", or maybe he goes with a classic "this master can neither confirm nor deny that." but the system starts warning him for that too and eventually he stops saying anything, which worries the others more.
luckily mu qingfang catches on that every time they ask a direct question about the box or shen qingqiu says anything vaguely confirming, it appears. it doesn't appear when they ask about curses or demons, so it must not see that as a threat.
for a little extra angst: maybe the peak lords keep pressuring him for answers, and at some point shen qingqiu gets fed up and snaps out something like, "why don't you understand that i'm not allowed to answer that!" the system counts this as a direct admittance, threatening it's existence. so it punishes. shen qingqiu has a qi deviation so bad it lasts two weeks and takes two people every day to cleanse his meridians. the system doesn't appear in that time. it doesn't appear for a long while after that, either. the peak lords stop asking, mainly because shen qingqiu will instantly leave the room if they do. they don't stop searching for a cure, though.
shang qinghua returns from a business trip and catches on the second someone mentions a blue box and forced silencing.
#i like the idea of sqq sort of disassociating every time he talks with the system#like his eyes go unfocused and he goes quiet and doesnt seem to hear what others are saying#and the others always thought that was odd but hey. whatever. until some strange *thing* started showing up#i do also like the idea of the system slowly allowing sqq more liberties#bc its decided it likes this storyline#liu qingge comes to cleanse sqqs meridians and gets red with anger when the system pops up in sqqs eyes#but then sqq reaches out to him and says ''no. it... likes you.''#the system doesnt (cant) really like anyone. but its gifting him friendship points when liu qingge visits him and that's positive?#liu qingge doesnt see it as positive and gets even more mad because what do you MEAN this monster enitity ''likes him''????#liu qingge is going to kill it the first chance he has!!#yue qingyuan talks about a mission looking for volunteers and you can *see* his face fall when the blue box appears#''it wants you to go. doesn't it?'' ''this shidi would like to join this mission.'' ''i understand.''#sometimes the blue box appears and sqq looks *stricken*. like he just saw something really awful#but he just cant talk about it#svsss#scum villain's self saving system#scum villain#shen qingqiu#yue qingyuan#mu qingfang#system svsss#svsss au#reveal au
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#sadnees#tw depressing thoughts#depressing shit#i'm sad#depressing life#tw depressing stuff#quotes#childhood trauma#poetic#childhood#childhood ptsd#childhood truama#child abuse#tw selfhate#self h@rm#truamacore#kill my thoughts#kill my feelings#complex ptsd#how could you#just cptsd things#scribbles#are you proud of me#daddy issues#this is a cry for help#family#abandoned#ptsd#i hate my existence#wound tw
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I love how mqf's oficial description is something like: a good heart who wants to help others but then you read the novel and his reaction to lqg trapping ten infected men who are crying in panic is "great now I can start to work in my experiments with decomposed people to find a cure" and gets out a lot of needles, which makes the man cry even harder.
Even if we only get bits of the other Cang Qiong sect leader's we can reach the conclusion that no one there is normal, sqq is just biased.
#the other sects when they have to invite cang qiong: they're our brothers but for fuck's sake they're so weird#sqq is a drama queen married to the demon lord#lqg is an obsessed fighter with no survival instics#sqh is a spy married to ANOTHER demon that somehow is still in the sect doing taxes#qqq could kill you with a look but she also makes fun of tiny lbh in the extras#you know the emperor#so she has probably zero survival instics too#mqf is one step away from becoming a mad doctor#and they're lead by the n°1 apologizer#i love them let me meet the rest#svsss#scum villain self saving system#mu qingfang#liu qingge#shen qingqiu
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thanksgiving sucked btw
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