#Kili x Tauriel

[chardysstuff]

Like Icarus, he fell in love with the sun ☀️ <33

[pitsazawr]

hilarious idiots

[distinguisheddwarffriend]

Inspired by that post about Thranduil being all defensive/protective over Gimli in Valinor:

We all know the head canon of Thorin being all "no nephew of mine even associates with an elf" BUT

Just imagine, in a world where all three Durins survived, and Tauriel saved Kili (again), and some other elf healed his and Fìli's wounds last minute.

Thorin saw both his nephews almost die before him, has LIVED through how the gold sickness twists the mind and perception of things, and after coming to terms with Bilbo's theft of the Arkenstone, he for a while questions EVERYTHING.

And yes, he totally has a dramatic phase of self pity, holing up in his rooms, drinking Elvish wine (cus thats all there is atm) and smoking Gandalf's pipeweed, and mourning how "everything i knew is a LIE" and "if elves can make such amazing wine there HAS to be some good in them" and "I almost got my boys killed I am such a failure boooohoooo", and after Bilbo kicks his ass out if depression (and a STRONG worded letter from his sister) he is like "okay FUCK y'all I have TRAUMA TM and will do WHATEVER I WANT!!"

So when Kili all shyly comes forward one day asking if Tauriel can please stay with them in the mountain because she's banished from the Woodland Realm he's all "OF COURSE she can stay, you do you my precious boy, if Thranduil is stupid enough to let such a great warrior go we'll stick it to him"

and BAM, Tauriel joins Dwalin in leading Erebor's guard, and Dwalin is torn between "excuse ME u want me to share my job with a pointy eared maiden?" And "holy hell that lass has fire can't show how impressed I am".

And Tauriel Takes No Shit even from her own boyfriend, so Kìli is forced to take his new responsibilities seriously because "I did NOT lose my home to live with a CHILD, Kili", and Fili gets dragged into the whole thing without really understanding what happened, but hey, his lil brother is happy so who cares really.

And whenever someone at council (like Dain) complains about an Elf in the mountain, Thorin goes absolutely FERAL like "are you saying I don't know what's best for this mountain I just won from A DRAGON?! are you suggesting that my perfect baby nephew has bad taste? Huh? Exactly, didn't think so!!!!" And is a protective Papa bear "listen Tauriel if someone gives you shit you SHOOT them. No, not killing them, but, you know, just maim them a little to make a point. Trust me I'm the king."

And once Kili and Tauriel have their first child Thorin constantly kidnaps the kid and has them in the forge before they can even talk because "need to keep up that good old dwarven influence".

Anyway I'll go cry myself to sleep now.

[alenseress]

[must-be-mr-boggins]

Technically it’s “the Dwarf spirit,” but you get the picture.

[this-train-aint-stopping]

I'm In Love With A Dumbass Dwarf Club

Biblo: Are you sure that hair braiding is a big deal? Thorin does it all the time.

Tauriel: Yes, Kili was quite clear about that.

Biblo: *wordless, muffled screaming*

Legolas: *walks into the room*

Tauriel & Legolas: World's most awkward stare down

Legolas: It appears I was slightly incorrect in my assumptions that all dwarves were intolerable.

[modernincorrectlotrhobbit]

Thorin, angrily: Fuck elves!

Kili, looking at Tauriel and taking off his shirt: Way ahead of you, Uncle.

[nessjo]

The Hobbit Spoof 6

This is based on "The Hobbit Spoof" by SweetLadyBat on YouTube

---------

~Fili and Kili talking after escaping the prison~

Fili: "Did you want to jump her?"

Kili: "It always comes back to s€x with you doesn't it?"

Fili: "That's a fair question"

[itsthemxze]

Kili was 0 to 100 and I can’t say I blame him

[deadthingposting]

Kili*very angry*: this is just great huh, when I decided to marry a elf it was "dishonoring my whole blood line" and "killing mother" and " a stupid political decision for our still broken kingdom" but when little Gimli does it is "healing thousands of years of prejudice " and "he is such a great diplomat " and " a new peaceful beginning of a great friendship " this is all bullshit!

Gimli*smug* : he is just mad because i was declared a Elf-friend before him

[shionne22]

This Denffely what happened in the hobbit

[tolkien-povs]

POV:

When you started off saying, "Tea is at four!" so you don't socialise, but you end it in, "Tea is at four." so you can socialise with whoever is left.

[alenseress]

[must-be-mr-boggins]

You don’t need rizz if you look like Kili.

[maybe-thou-shalt-find-valimar]

things that give me life

kiliel hight difference

gigolas height difference

[tarisilmarwen]

*cough*

I'm sorry, apparently I'm just really about the tragically doomed "almost" ships where we have a love revelation just a little too late.