#Kel-show-us-more-than-just-your-good-feelings-challenge

[kanene-yaaay]

Thinking about,,,, them,,,,,

Kel and Sunny,,,,

[sixpossumsinatrenchcoat]

Talking to Ghosts

A postgame Omori epilogue exploring the way each member of the gang would cope after learning the truth. This time, Kel takes the wheel.

After Sunny gets into his mom’s car and leaves Faraway for good, Kel sits on his porch and Doesn’t Think About Anything. 

It isn’t easy. Kel just had one of the craziest nights of his life. Everything Sunny said in that hospital room is bouncing around in his brain like one of those DVD screensavers. Except instead of a tacky color-changing logo, it's the worst thing he ever heard. 

Luckily, Kel is very good at this game. He kicks off his shoes and digs his toes into the dirt. He plucks blades of grass and shreds them into spindly little threads. The bloody wreckage of Sunny's eye keeps surfacing in his mind, but it's way more fun to think about what he could IM Sunny about, now that Sunny has AIM. It’s even nicer to remember how tight Sunny hugged him before he left. 

…Man. It's dumb, ‘cause it’s not like he didn’t already, but. Kel is really gonna miss that guy. 

The sun climbs higher in the sky. The clouds scud by in no particular hurry. By the time the cool of morning heats to day, Kel is feeling sort of normal, actually. 

So, of course, that’s when Aubrey shows up. 

“Sunny,” she spits. 

Kel does a double-take. “Wh— Huh?? Where???”

“No, you fucking moron, I’m asking. Where the fuck is Sunny.”

Right. Classic Aubrey. Skipping straight to ‘physical violence’ is an insane first resort, but it’s par for the course, for Aubrey. When Aubrey feels bad, she can’t just hide it, like Hero, or swallow it, like Basil, or—freaking—think about literally anything else, like Kel. Aubrey would rather forge her hurt into a warhammer and swing it at anyone dumb enough to get close. 

They’ve had this fight a million times already. At this point, Kel could do it in his sleep. 

Even after all this time, he can’t help letting Aubrey piss him off. But he does manage to bail out before she can break all his bones with her nail bat, so. That’s probably personal growth. 

Kel gets all pissed off and stomps off and then stops being pissed off, because he hates being pissed off. He’s always hated feeling angry. It feels like poison in his blood. He doesn’t get how so many people can do it so much of the time. Why would you choose to feel bad when instead you could just… look at something else?

###

On his way inside, Kel blunders right into Hero.

“O-Oh! Sorry, bro!” 

“All good,” Hero says automatically. Reflexive. His eyes are rimmed with red, but he obviously doesn’t plan on talking about it. “You okay?”

Kel has to stop himself from rolling his eyes. Clearly, Hero is taking the news way, way, way worse than anyone. (Including Aubrey, who is currently, actively committing property damage about it). But of course he’d rather die than say so. 

“Totally,” Kel reassures him. “All good.”

###

It was the same when they were kids. 

Oh, Hero acts like he never gets mad. He acts like he’s too grown-up for that kind of thing. He’s even pretty good at it. He’s got Aubrey fooled, and Sunny. And obviously their parents (not that that one was much of a challenge. Mamá and Dad would believe anything if Hero was the one who said it). 

But Hero could never fool Mari. Mari was sharp, like Sunny. Perceptive enough to smell the lies on your breath. If you were hiding something, she could always draw it out of you. She’d soften Hero up with teasing and flattery and then hit him in his weak spot at the exact right moment, the perfect jab at the perfect angle to split him open like a fish. The good cop and the bad cop, all in one. 

Kel used to hear them sometimes. Once in a blue moon, when Hero and Mari were sure that no one was listening, they would even let their hair down a little. Take off their disguises and let themselves be less-than-perfect for a change. Sometimes it was Hero who was crying, and sometimes it was Mari. Sometimes both of them at once! 

But most of the time, they weren’t crying. They were pissed. 

Like in fourth grade, after Kel’s practice got rained out. Kel was soaking wet and past exhausted. All he wanted was to lie down and close his eyes and not even think about the stupid math test that he definitely flunked this morning. 

He was already reaching for the door when he heard the voices: pitched low and stretched taut, like a rubber band about to break. 

“—even matter!!” Hero was whispering. “If I’m too busy, it’s my fault for not helping; but if I do tutor him—instead of studying for my own finals!! By the way!! Which I really need to be doing!!!”

“I’m familiar with the concept,” Mari said drily.

“—then it’s still my fault for—what? Not helping well enough? I mean, what??? What do they expect me to do? Freaking… crawl inside his head and make him smarter?” 

Mari snickered. “You could hide a walkie-talkie in his hat. Like that Spongebob episode where he goes to driver’s ed.”

Hero huffed a tired laugh. “I just don’t get what they expect me to do. I’m not the one who still can’t do long division in fourth grade.” 

Kel froze with his hand on the doorknob. Okay. Yeah. He wasn’t sure for a second, but—yeah. They were definitely talking about him. 

Some people would probably pick a fight about it. Some people (cough, cough, Aubrey) would storm in guns a-blazing. And where would that get her? All the mean stuff she heard would still be in her head. Nothing would change, except that everyone would know that everyone knew that everything was worse than it looked. Kel didn’t want any part in it.

He backed away from the door. He backed all the way down the hall, and halfway down the stairs. Then—louder this time—he stomped up the steps and burst through the door to their room.

“Oh!” Hero looked very briefly panicked. “H-Hey, little bro! Short practice today?” 

“Uh huh! We got rained out! But look!!!” Kel bared his teeth, showing off the ragged hole where his canine used to be. 

Hero turned faintly green. 

“Grooossss!” Mari giggled. “Did you twist it out yourself?”

“Uh huh!”

She ruffled his hair. “You’re so cool, Kel. Don’t ever change, okay?”

Kel grinned up at her, gap-toothed and beaming. “You got it!!”

###

But everyone changes.

###

Kel opens his eyes in Basil’s room. 

It’s not how he remembers. Basil’s room used to be wall-to-wall leaves and vines and memories. Now it’s vacant. No photos. No sticky note reminders. None of Sunny's sketches on the walls. Just white paint and beige carpet and a pool of inky dark, slowly swallowing the floor. 

In real life, Kel wasn’t here for this part. He had to hear about it from Aubrey while they huddled outside the ICU, clutching each other’s hands hard enough to cut off the circulation and taking turns telling each other that it was going to be okay. But Kel’s brain must not know that. Because this time, he can see everything.

Basil kneels over Sunny’s chest. Sunny’s face is eyeless mush. A mangle of ground meat. 

There’s a blur of motion as Hero tackles Basil against the wall.

“Kel!” he bellows. He kicks the shears across the floor. “Kelsey! Now!!”

Oh. This is where he comes in. 

Kel jerks around to stare at Hero, who’s got Basil pinned by the throat. “Wh–What?”

“Hold him!!”

“Huh???” Basil isn’t even struggling. He's just dangling there. Bleeding.

“NOW!!”

On his way across the room, Kel almost trips over something on the floor. A body. Sunny’s. But Sunny was sleeping in the living room. Why would Sunny be on Basil’s floor? 

Kel looks closer. 

Sunny’s face is red. Sunny’s hair is slicked flat and his face is all red, only red without any eyes at all. His face is torn red and he’s—moving. He’s moving. He’s awake. He’s bleeding out and he can feel it happen because he’s still awake. 

Sunny looks at Kel without any eyes. Red sputters through his teeth. “Khrrrh—”

###

Kel wakes up gasping. Scrambles for his phone before he remembers that he doesn’t have Sunny's number. Does Sunny even have a phone? Would Kel even know if he did?

He stumbles downstairs to the family desktop. Sunny’s online. Big surprise. Sunny is always online, and never answers. 

Kel is so freaked out, he almost types, ‘Hey, are you okay?’

‘Hey, Sunny! Sorry, I don’t want to stress you out, but I’m really scared. I’m really scared for you Sunny. I can’t stop feeling like something bad is going to happen. I can’t stop dreaming that something bad is going to happen. But they don’t feel like nightmares. They feel like visions. Premonitions.’

‘Hi Sunny. Long time no see, haha. Hey, weird question: are you okay? Are you hurt? Please tell me if you’re hurting but please please PLEASE don’t lie. Sometimes I get so scared you’re going to die. Are you going to die? You have to tell me if you’re—’

Kel doesn’t type any of that stuff. 

He types, snnyyyy! u up? lol

He types, cant sleep haha

He types, wanna sneak out 2 hobbeez? ;) ;) ;)

Sunny doesn’t answer. Because he lives three hours away, and because he never answers. Whatever it is that Sunny wants, it’s obviously not to go to fucking Hobbeez.

Kel types, misss u bro. gna try 2 sleep. wishme luck :/

###

When he pads downstairs, he’s met with the hissing crackle of frying eggs.

“Mo~rning!” his mom sings out. “Thought I’d make breakfast, since it’s your brother’s last day!”

Right. Hero heads back to college tomorrow. Kel knew that. “Heck yeah! Can I help?”

“Vaya, vaya! I don’t need any more mess! Oh, and your friend got home from the hospital. You should go say hi! I’m sure he’d appreciate it.”

“My—” Kel sputters, before he remembers that she couldn’t possibly be talking about Sunny. Sunny lives three hours away. “Who??”

“The little blanquito. Que siempre parece como conejito mojado.”

Well, that’s definitely not Sunny. Which means that, by ‘hospital,’ Mamá meant ‘psych ward.’ Specifically, the wing for kids who tried to murder their best friend.

Kel’s eyes unfocus a little. The last time he saw Basil, it was—

(—pinned to the wall with Hero's elbow pressed into his throat. Beads of red dripping from his fingers. Even later, blanched and bloodless on the gurney, Kel could still see the blood crusted under his—

Basil wasn’t even very badly hurt, after. It looked a lot worse than it was, but that’s just ‘cause all his wounds were on his face. It’s not like Sunny’d had any way to defend himself. Just his own two hands. At worst, the marks might have got infected from all the grime under Sunny’s unwashed nails.)

“You should go see him!” Mamá says encouragingly. “I’m sure he’d be glad to see a friend.”

…Right. That’s what Kel is. A friend.

###

Basil really is back. He’s coming to school and everything. It’s—weird.

Not bad. It’s not bad. It’s just that talking to Basil is— Um. It’s sort of like playing a videogame about talking to Basil. Like Kel is watching himself from outside-in.

It was the same after Mari. Kel couldn’t wrap his head around why she did it. He couldn’t even stand to think about why she did it. So, he didn’t. He spent months on autopilot. Controlling his body remotely, like a mech pilot or something. ‘Press A to get out of bed.’ ‘Press B to put on your clothes.’ ‘Press X to bring your brother another meal that you both know he isn’t going to eat.’

“K-Kel?” Basil says again.

“Haha, sorry! Guess I spaced out for a second. I just wanted to say that it’s, uh. You know. It’s good to have you back! And if you ever need anything—someone to talk to, or to back you up if someone’s messing with you, or whatever—just, like, let me know.”

Basil doesn’t look up. He just keeps fidgeting with his fingernails, chewing a scab on his lip that’s already started to bleed. He obviously isn’t convinced.

“Hey, c’mon!” Kel whacks him on the arm, making Basil flinch. “You know we’ve got your back. If anyone gives you a hard time, you tell them to talk to me.”

If anything, Basil looks even less convinced. “...R-Right. Um. Thank you. I’ll… do that.”

Kel has to stop himself from scowling. He’s aware that he’s fucking this up. He just doesn’t understand why.

For a few years there, Kel was pretty sure that he was a good friend, at least. If nothing else. Now it turns out he couldn’t even get that right. In the end, it’s like everything else. No matter how hard he tries, it never seems to be enough.

What is it about friendship that he isn’t getting? Isn’t being friends just, like… hanging out, and going on adventures, and having a good time and stuff? Why is everyone so determined to make it into this big exhausting thing?

###

Kel is hanging out on Sunny’s porch again. Though technically it isn’t Sunny’s porch anymore. The For Sale sign is gone, so the sale must have gone through. But no one’s actually moved in yet, so. Not like there’s anyone to kick him out.

Kel isn’t moping, if that’s what you think. Being here is just a habit. Somewhere he goes to be alone. If anyone saw him here, they’d feel too awkward to approach.

…With one obvious exception.

Aubrey stalks across the lawn with her bat slung over one shoulder. The storm brewing in the air frizzes her hair to angry spikes. As usual, she doesn’t mince words.

“Are you seriously still doing this?”

Kel buries his face in his hands. “Why are you still so mad at me?”

“Why do you think?”

Thunder rolls. Lightning rends the sky, a violent gash in the dark.

“I don’t know!!” Kel shouts, too-loud in the ensuing quiet. “That’s why I’m asking!!”

Just for a second, Aubrey’s bat lowers. “...Are you actually fucking stupid? You totally iced me out. For years. In the worst time of my life.”

“I already apologized for that!!”

“I don’t care,” Aubrey snarls. Her goodwill has officially run out. “That doesn’t do anything! I’m not gonna get any less mad until you make it make sense!!”

Kel grimaces. “It’s— It was just…”

…It’s just that she was being so awful. At home, Kel was swallowed up by the black hole of Hero’s grief. And the second he clawed his way out into the light, there was Aubrey, choking, totally coming apart. Kel just wanted to feel okay for two seconds. Was that really so much to ask?

Wasn’t it bad enough that Mari was gone? Wasn’t it enough that Sunny left with her? There were plenty of times when Kel couldn’t get away from it. When he had to lock himself in the shower to keep from breaking down. But did it really have to be all the time? Always? For every second of every day?

Kel couldn’t even laugh at a joke without feeling like a jerk. Like feeling okay for a second was an insult. (Not to Mari, obviously. Mari was like Kel: she found the fun in every moment. Mari would be thrilled to see him whoop after landing a free throw, or laugh because a butterfly landed on his juice-stained shirt. And she’d hate how Hero and Aubrey were acting. So why was Kel the only one who was wrong?)

“I gotta go,” he mutters, jerking to his feet.

Aubrey barks a cold laugh. “Yeah. That’s what I thought.”

You can read Kel's chapter here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/43929270/chapters/123048562

Or start from the beginning: https://archiveofourown.org/works/43929270/chapters/110454879

[13uswntimagines]

It Can Be Both (Emily x Alex x Kelley x Reader)

Request: Kelley,Emily,Alex, and yn now like two on each team and yn is a goal keeper just watching confused wondering what the hell everyone is on and how it’s going to end later    (You know)

Author’s Note: I’m going to be honest- this felt very much like a rebound after doing gravity. Like something to get my writing juices flowing again. it ends with a touch of sexual content so warning. hit me up if you have questions or just wanna chat. 

You knew it was going to be a rough one before you even stepped on the pitch. Hell, you knew it was gonna be bad when Alex and Kelley started betting before national team camp had even started. 

Though they were two of the most competitive people on the planet, you and Emily were not (off the pitch at least). But it was hard to stay out of it when their performance, chosen rewards, and/or punishments very much included the both of you. 

You barely even got to admire how good either of your girlfriends looked in white (you made sure Alex knew your feelings about her in that galaxy kit) before things started to get wild. 

“Come on ref!” You yelled, running a gloved hand frustratedly through your hair and shaking your head. Was Sonnett’s challenge hard, yes, but did it deserve a yellow? You didn’t think so. 

You could guess that some of Emily's aggression came from the reward  Kelley negotiated for them if the Spirit beat the Pride. At least Alex was laughing it off and standing. 

“Looks like your girls are trying to murder each other,” Ali snorted, pausing just outside the box to protect against a counter if the corner kick in the other box went south. 

“Vlatko’s probably shitting his pants,” You mumbled, wincing as Emily and Alex clashed again. God, Emily wanted to win. 

“What’s gotten into them,” Ali asked, just as your two defenders collapsed the pocket Alex was trying to slip through. 

You raised your eyebrow at the defender, your cheeks a little red (blatantly ignoring Kelley’s wink from across the field), “you really don’t want to know,” 

Ali looked between you and the three women battling it out on the field, smirking a little. Even though she had seen it more times than she could count, it was still a little strange to see your tall frame look so flustered. “Ooo, so it’s one of those games?” 

“I didn’t ask to be a part of it,” you huffed, crossing your arms indignantly. 

“So there’s not something riding on you getting a clean sheet?” It was Ali’s turn to raise her eyebrows. More red-colored your cheeks, so much so you were sure it was all the way up to your ears by now. 

It wasn’t a secret that it was a thing during the World Cup. One that you very much enjoyed, especially after you pulled off a PK save in the final to come out with a clean sheet. 

You paused, biting your lip. “Not tonight,” 

Ali laughed loudly as Alex set up for her another corner. “Ah, so it all depends on them then?” 

You shrugged. Most of the time you really hated giving up control, but Alex also promised you would like what she picked (even if you weren’t planning on participating). You also trusted Emily and Kelley to stick to your limits, no matter how stoked they were on winning (if they won). 

You sighed when Emily marked Alex just a touch too closely again. “More like Alex and Kel. Guess they got Em on board too,” 

“Did you expect them not to?” Ali asked, her voice showing that she already knew the answer. 

“No, just thought Emily would be on my side,” You grumbled, a gloved hand scratching the back of your neck. 

“Well, I’m sure you won’t enjoy whatever they have planned at all,” Ali rolled her eyes and patted your shoulder, before heading off as the Spirit tried to counter. 

“Shut up,” You huffed, backing up towards goal, your cheeks still very red. You still had 80is minutes to go before you would find out exactly what your girlfriends had planned. 

*****

You had seen a lot of bad refs, but this one was something special. She was micromanaging the field, and you were starting to get tired of it. 

“What the fuck,” You grumbled in between giving your defense direction. 

It was one thing to yell at Kelley for being a little rough (even if it was with Alex), and another to argue with her about 

“Surprised she hasn’t hit her yet,” Emily said, side-eyeing you.

“Be surprised I haven’t hit you yet,” You huffed, barely sparing your blond defender a glance. Fouling as much as she had wasn’t good form, and it wouldn’t help her case with Vlatko. 

Plus you were too busy watching the refs try to corral your most stubborn girlfriend. Her irritation was palpable and you knew if the Ref kept pushing, Kelley was probably going to respond exactly how Emily thought she would. 

“Ooo, kinky,” She laughed. 

You rolled your eyes. “Just clean it up and chill out alright? We need to be able to play to make the team,” 

She snorted, bumping you with her elbow. “Not a chance with what Al put on the line,” 

“I don’t care what she bet. Cool it so we all walk out tonight,” You growled a little more firmly, taking on the tone you used when giving orders on the pitch. The voice that always made her and Kelley listen to you when they were giving you shit for being younger. 

Instead of saluting like she normally would, a very large smirk broke across Emily’s face. “You have no idea what she chose do you?” 

You froze, finally looking towards the defender and blinking owlishly at her. 

So maybe you hadn’t considered that Alex would include you in the bet, and factor in your opinion on her chosen reward. You thought maybe you would just get to watch whatever they had decided and stay safe from whatever punishment if you lost.

Emily cackled as the ball sailed right past your state of stupor, running off to celebrate before you could even respond. 

Despite being in a relationship with them for nearly 2 years, it still caught you off guard sometimes when they included you. It took you a very long time to open up and accept their love (and their physical touch), and even though you were comfortable now, it was still a weird experience to have them care. To have them always think of you when making plans (even ones you weren’t sure you wanted to be involved in). 

You blinked again, shaking your head as though it would help you clear your thoughts. It didn’t, but a warm hand on your shoulder and an annoyed (but concerned voice) in your ear helped. 

“Hey space cadet, you ok there?” 

“Um, yeah,” You smiled tightly at Alex, allowing yourself to lean into her for just a second. It was hard to focus on the game with all the stuff running around your head. 

“Good, cause the ref just called back the kick. Get ready to go again,” She said softly, brushing a fallen strand from your eyes. “and keep your eyes on the ball this time,” She smirked, tapping your nose. 

You wrinkled it under her finger. She laughed a little. It was nice to see you so relaxed, even when you were surrounded by so many people. Maybe they would have to play these little games more often, you know if it could get you to let down your stoic exterior. “You can stare at Em later after we win. She’ll be in a much more… enjoyable position,” she wiggled her eyebrows and squeezed your shoulder. 

“Eye eye captain,” You saluted, earning another laugh. 

“You’ve been hanging out with Emily too much,” she said, with the roll of her eyes as she headed off to her position for the re-kick. 

You wouldn’t let it slip past you again. Alex was right, you would be able to enjoy your girlfriends later. 

*****

“That fucking goal should have counted and you know it,” Kelley grumbled as she slipped into the back seat with you. 

“Well it didn’t,” you mumbled, scooting over as Emily hopped into the other side, effectively trapping you between them. 

“You two cheated anyway,” Alex said from the front seat, glancing back at the three of you in the rear view mirror. You didn’t know it yet, but this was very much part of her plan. 

“We did not,” Kelley snorted, shuffling even closer to you, so your thighs were pressed together, just as Emily did the same thing on your other side. You didn’t think much of it, both defenders were always rather cuddly after a game. 

“So Em distracting y/n wasn’t part of the plan?” Alex asked, raising a signature eyebrow in the mirror (sharing a look with Kelley - one you didn’t see.) 

“And neither of you were trying to remove Alex’s ankles from her body?” You added, wigging a little as Emily’s hand landed on your thigh, just a bit too high to be a friendly touch. 

“We plead the fifth,” She said softly, very close to your ear, sending shivers down your spine. 

You sucked in a shallow breath when Kelley’s hand joined hers on your other thigh. Her lips touched your neck and worked their way up to your ear. 

“But can I just say, your red cheeks made you look very cute tonight,” she purred, nibbling at the skin on your ear, just as Emily did the same on your other side. 

The heat returned to your cheeks, and your hands clenched on your knees. You weren’t quite sure what you were supposed to do with them. 

“I’m not cute,” You muttered, your fingers tapped uncomfortably on your legs. You didn’t like not being the one in control. 

“Just sit back and enjoy it babe,” Emily hummed, her lips working from behind your ear all the way back down your neck to nibble on your collarbone. her hand also shifted to intertwine your fingers. 

The small act helped you to relax a little, and you squeezed her fingers in thanks. 

“Yeah, we’re gonna take very good care of you,” You could feel Kelley’s smirk just behind your ear as her fingers traced a little higher. You knew you could put a stop to this if you really wanted to, but you weren’t sure that you did. 

You found Alex’s eyes in the mirror, flicking between the road and your face. 

“Thought this was your reward, not mine,” You said, your voice coming out in little pants. 

She smiled slyly at you. “Why can’t it be both?” 

Kelley’s hand squeezed your thigh, just as Emily scraped her teeth along your shoulder. “Yeah?” Kelley asked into your ear. 

“Yeah. It can be both,”

[4stars-uswnt]

You Take My Heart Away [Kelley O’Hara x Reader]

requested by anon: Kelley O’Hara x reader where reader gets into a fist fight but she’s like I won’t throw the first punch bc I’ll finish it and like she gets teased by the team but Kelley is mad at reader for it bc R could’ve gotten hurt but it was still cool

requested by anon: Can we get another Kelley O’Hara x reader doesn’t have to be anything specific just maybe along the lines of them both being crazy and maybe oblivious

A/N: i decided to combine these two prompts! hope y’all enjoy it. also bonus points to anybody who gets the title reference (there’s a lil connection to a reference within the story)

warnings: homophobic and sexist language, violence, and swearing

Conversation was flowing and music was playing in the background of the bar, as the USWNT finished up their first round of drinks and appetizers. The team had pushed together a couple of tables, where you all were now sitting, laughing at each other’s jokes.

The air was light, victory and celebration filling the atmosphere. Megan and Ashlyn had been the ones to suggest a night out after your win against Japan, not only to celebrate the 2-0 victory but also to celebrate Lindsey’s birthday that was in the next couple of days.

You were currently sitting next to your best friend, Kelley O’Hara, bridging the gap between the veterans and the youngsters.

“Anybody want another drink?” Alex asks, pushing her chair back, as she moves to get up.

A chorus of yeses ring out, the team’s orders ringing out.

“I’ll help you with that, Al.” You stand up from your seat, giving the other woman a warm smile.

Once the two of you had left for the bar, the rest of the team began interrogating Kelley, who let her eyes follow you as you moved through the crowd.

“Kel,” Ash calls out over the noise of the music. “When are you gonna admit to (Y/N) that you’re hopelessly in love with her?”

“What?” Kelley sputters, flustered.

Megan rolls her eyes at the defender. “It’s so obvious that you’ve had a crush on her for the past like six years, and a blind person can see that she likes you too.”

“I- I’m not in love with (Y/N).” Kelley’s face flushes, as she rubs the back of her neck nervously. “She’s my best friend.”

“Kelley,” Christen softly chimes in,, hoping to talk some sense in her friend she’s known since college. “You guys obviously have feelings for each other that go beyond friendship, and you’ve been dancing around them for years. We just want you two to be happy.”

Many of the women nod and voice their agreement.

“But what if it ruins our friendship and I lose her forever?” The freckled defender bites her lip nervously.

“That’s not gonna happen.” Christen gives her a knowing look. “Even if she didn’t reciprocate those feelings, she’s not gonna cut you out of her life.”

“And Kel,” Tobin adds on. “You never know until you ask her. And who knows? The risk of putting your heart out there may be worth it. But you’re just gonna live in the dark haunted by the unknown and what ifs unless you tell her how you feel.”

“I hate that you’re philosophical insights are usually right,” Kelley huffs.

Meanwhile, as the team holds their intervention for your best friend, you and Alex were at the bar ordering another round of drinks.

As you were waiting for the bartender, you and Alex were engaged in your own conversation, when you hear a boisterous voice interrupt you.

“Hey! It’s Alex Morgan!” A large man approaches the two of you, holding a half-full cup of beer in his hand, and you have a feeling he’s downed a couple pints already.

You sense Alex tense up next to you, as she gives the stranger a tight smile. “Hello.”

“Oh, and who’s this?” He turns to you, a leering grin on his face, making your insides turn. You reach for Alex’s hand in search of comfort but also as a protective gesture.

“Is she your girlfriend?” The man looks back at the star forward. “I hear your entire team is full of d*kes, but I didn’t think you were one. You’re way too hot to be a d*ke.”

Alex’s grip on your hand tightens, as anger radiates off of her. “I’m actually happily married.” She raises her left hand to show off her ring.

“Woah.” The stranger lets out a low whistle, his eyes slowly widening before he squinting to get a better look, as his movements impaired by the alcohol. “That is quite the rock. How’d you afford that with your pay? I’ve heard all about your team’s fight for equal pay and all that. I personally think it’s a load of crap. You guys aren���t even that good at soccer, and it’s so boring. The only thing that makes your games interesting is your smoking hot bodies.”

You scrunch your nose in disgust at this man’s blatant misogyny. “I’m surprised you know about our equal pay fight. I’d think it’d be too complicated for your thick skull,” you quip, throwing the insult right in his face.

“Ooooo feisty, are we?” He raises his eyebrows at you. “And where do you get off calling me dumb?”

“I’m just calling them as I see them,” you simply state, letting go of Alex’s hand, as you move to stand in front of her protectively. “Where do you get off disrespecting women and being a bigot?”

“(Y/N/N), it’s not worth it,” Alex whispers in your ear.

“I’d listen to your friend,” the man sneers and stands up straighter, slightly sobering up. “Because I’m not afraid to hit a girl, especially a mouthy one like you. Women like you deserve to be put in your place.”

“Go on then,” you challenge, probably a stupid decision on your part, but the adrenaline is rushing and you are at your wits end with this man in front of you. “I dare you.”

You thank all the gods in the universe that the stupid stranger was actually stupid enough to try and throw a punch with his blood-alcohol level because you can see his punch coming from a mile away.

Before his fist can make contact with your face, you grab his hand and twist his arm, leaning in closely to his face. “Is that all you got? My mom hits better than you.” You smirk.

“Let go of me, you bitch,” he growls, snatching his arm out of your grasp.

“Wait, I have one more thing,” you call out.

“What the hell are you talk-”

Before he can finish, you cut him off, rather your fist cuts him off. The man in front of you had been testing your patience and had used up all your grace, which, in your opinion, warranted a punch in the face.

You can’t help but wince at the sharp pain shooting through your hand upon the contact, but the cracking sound of his nose eases some of your discomfort.

By now, the rest of the team had become worried by your prolonged absence and then had noticed the commotion this stranger was stirring. Hearing the raised voices coming from your direction, many of the veterans, including Kelley, Christen, Tobin, Ash, Ali, and Megan, made their way over to where Alex was currently holding you back from unleashing your anger on this drunk man.

“What is going on here?” Becky asks, surveying the situation in front of her.

“This asshole was insulting Al and then had the audacity to continue being a sexist pig,” you spit out, directing your words at the man, who was still holding his bloody nose, while Alex was doing her best to keep you under wraps.

“I think it’s time for you to go,” Ashlyn states firmly.

As the goalie, along with Becky, Megan, and Ali, coax the stranger into leaving you alone, and hopefully leaving the club, Alex, Christen, Tobin, and Kelley try and calm you down.

“(Y/N/N),” Christen soothes, cupping your face. “I need you to calm down. Take a deep breath.” The curly-haired forward inhales and exhales, motioning for you to mimic her actions.

You take a deep breath, and upon exhaling, you feel the tension, along with the adrenaline, leave your body.

“Shit,” you sigh. “My hand.”

You lift your right hand, revealing your split knuckles on which bruises were starting to form.

“Come on, Sylvester.” Tobin claps your shoulder, letting out an amused chuckle. “Let’s get you back to the hotel, and on the way, you can tell us all about your heroics.”

You amusedly roll your eyes and lean into the other woman’s side.

As the team gathers their things, ready to call it a night after the turn of events, Megan approaches you, holding out a bag of ice.

“Here, (Y/N), the bartender gave me this for your hand.”

“Thanks, P.” You place the cool ice on your knuckles, hissing at the temperature shock.

On the way back to the hotel, many of your teammates were interrogating you about what had happened back at the bar. After telling the entire story, you received many hoots and hollers from the rest of the team.

“Damn (Y/N)!” Ash whistles. “Remind me never to get on your bad side.”

“Way to protect our honor,” Rose gushes, as many of the women nod along.

“Thank you, (Y/N), for defending me,” Alex says sincerely.

“Of course, Al. Anytime.” You give the forward a warm smile.

“Who knew (Y/N) could be such a badass?!” Emily exclaims with an impressed look on her face. “Kel, did you know that your best friend was a secret badass?”

While the rest of the girls had been teasing you about your heroic actions, your best friend had been oddly quiet.

“News to me.” Kelley answers shortly, her face hard and distant. You furrow your eyebrows in confusion, wondering if the defender was mad at you. You thought she would’ve been proud of you for standing up for the team and putting a sexist douchebag in his place.

Before going back to entertaining your teammates’s jokes and questions, you make a mental note to talk to her once you get back to the hotel, silently thanking Vlatko for rooming the two of you together this camp.

You would never in a million years admit it, but you were harboring a huge crush for your best friend, had been for the past six years, ever since you’d joined the national team. Not only did you not want to ruin your friendship and end up losing Kelley, but you knew she would never return your feelings.

Over the past several years that you’d been friends with the defender, you’d seen Kelley go in and out of relationships, and comparing yourself to her other girlfriend’s, you had a feeling you weren’t her type.

You also had reservations due to the fact that Kelley was your teammate, and you didn’t want to change the team dynamic, especially if the two of you didn’t work out.

Thoughts of Kelley clouded your mind all the way back to the hotel, only further exacerbated by her deafening silence.

Upon arriving to the hotel lobby, before you all disperse to your rooms, Alex gives you another hug and thanks you again, and Becky, ever the mother of the group, gives you a warning.

“Make sure to ice on and off. 20 minutes. You know the drill, (Y/L/N). Kelley, make sure she takes care of that hand.”

“Don’t worry about me, Becks. I got it,” you reassure the veteran defender, giving her a mock salute.

Following Kelley, you cautiously enter the hotel room. You nervously watch the other women move around the room, as she silently goes about her usual nighttime routine. Taking the hint that she wasn’t going to talk to you anytime soon, you go about your own routine and get ready for bed.

After about twenty minutes later, after both of you had showered, you were finishing wrapping your hand and were about to get into bed, when you noticed Kelley discretely staring at your bandaged hand.

Unable to tolerate the silence anymore, you break the tension. “Okay, what is up with you?”

“Hm? What do you mean?”

“Kel,” you sigh, plopping down on the side of her bed. “You’ve been giving me the cold shoulder ever since what happened at the bar. Are you mad at me?”

“Nope. Not mad,” Kelley hums slightly passive aggressively, still not looking up from her book.

You roll your eyes, frustrated by your best friend’s childish behavior. “Kelley, I know when you’re lying, and I know that you’re mad at me right now, so would you please just look at me?!”

Sensing the exasperation and frustration in your voice, Kelley closes and sets down her book. “Fine, you’re right. I am mad at you.”

You thought you’d feel relieved, hearing her confirm your suspicions, but instead, the pressure in your chest increases.

“Why? What did I do?” You practically beg, scooting up the bed, so you’re closer to the other woman.

“As if you don’t know,” she scoffs.

Confused, you tilt your head. “I clearly don’t. Kel, please talk to me, tell me what I did.”

“You literally punched a dude in the face!”

“Yeah, but he deserved it, Kel! You heard the things he was saying,” you defend. “I couldn’t just let him get away with talking about our team like that. I thought you’d be proud of me for standing up to a sexist asshole like him.”

“I am proud, sort of. I mean that was completely badass and totally warranted, not that I necessarily expected that from you, and I’m glad you put him in his place,” Kelley babbles. “But that’s not the point, (Y/N/N). You were reckless tonight. You could’ve gotten hurt!”

Your face softens at her outburst. Taking a deep breath, Kelley confesses, “I love you, (Y/N). I’m in love with you, and I just can’t stand the idea of you getting hurt, especially by some drunk idiot who doesn’t know shit about football or respecting women.”

Your eyes widen and your heart practically stop, when you process the words that have come out of your best friend’s mouth.

“(Y/N), please say something,” Kelley begs.

“You’re in love with me?” You test the words on your mouth.

“Yeah,” she sighs contently, giving you a soft smile. “Have been for the past eight years.”

“Gosh, we really are idiots.” You let out a wet chuckle, shaking your head.

“What?”

“I’m in love with you, too, Kel,” you rasped, your voice laced with pure emotion. “I’ve loved you since my first camp.”

“Wow,” Kelley scoffs, an amused grin playing on her face. “Are we really that oblivious?”

“Apparently so.” You shrug. “But we’re here now.”

“Yeah, we are.” The freckled woman softens. “Can I kiss you?”

You nod eagerly, leaning in to meat the other woman’s lips. The kiss is nothing like you’d dreamed of; it’s better. It’s soft and tender, full of love and passion. You melt into each other, as your lips move together in harmony.

Not wanting things to get too heated, especially not before you’ve talked about what this meant for the future of your relationship, you pull away, resting your forehead against hers.

“Hi,” you whisper, smiling like a fool.

“Hey,” Kelley murmurs softly, returning your smile.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.” She takes your hand, kissing your wrapped knuckles. “But please don’t be getting into any more bar fights.”

“Hey! I would never start a fight, however I have no problem finishing them.” You smirk, boasting slightly triumphantly.

Kelley rolls her eyes playfully, but then looks into your eyes. “I mean it, (Y/N). I can’t stand the idea of you getting hurt. So no more fights alright?”

“I promise, Kel.” You give her a chaste kiss.

“Good.”

That night, you stay in Kelley’s bed, cuddling into her side. As you slowly drift into a peaceful sleep, you notice the woman next to you is already fast asleep.

You sigh contently, and you can’t help but feel extremely lucky that even after all these years, and everything that’s happened, life still led you to this woman and a love worth fighting for.

[allthingsfangirl101]

Broken Heart Part 3–Troy Bolton

Part 1, Part 2, Part 4

Troy's POV

As soon as the door slammed shut behind Y/N, everyone looked at me. I reached up and nervously ran my fingers through my hair.

"What's wrong with Y/N?" Gabriella asked, completely oblivious to what's really going on.

"I don't know," I stuttered. Gabriella shrugged as she walked backstage. After she left, I looked around and saw everyone staring at me.

"You're kidding, right?" Chad scoffed. "You have no idea why Y/N would run out the way she did?"

"I mean. . . I sorta know."

"You sorta know?" Ryan challenged. "You know exactly why."

"Wait," Chad sighed. "What do you know?"

"Y/N told me," I said under my breath.

"Wait, what?" Kelsie asked. "When?"

"She told me the truth last night," I admitted. I sighed as I looked around at our confused friends.

"And?" Chad pushed.

"I didn't know what to say," I said, trying to make myself feel better about last night. "Before I could process it, she hung up. So I never got the chance."

"Whoa, hold on," Chad cleared his throat. "Y/N finally tells you how she feels and you blow her off?"

"I didn't blow her off," I tried to defend. "I just. . . I didn't respond."

"Which means, you didn't say anything," Kelsie clarified. "And by saying nothing, you showed her you didn't feel the same way and that she doesn't mean as much to you as you do to her. Congratulations, Troy. You might have just lost your childhood best friend."

As Kelsie turned on her heel and walked backstage, we were all shocked. She was usually a reserved, nice person. She's never snapped at anyone like she just did with me.

I looked around and by how everyone was staring at me, it was clear that I had made the wrong choice. I sighed as I turned on my heel and jogged out of the theater.

The second I got into the lobby, there was no sign of Y/N. Not surprising considering she ran off a good ten minutes ago. I reached into my back pocket and grabbed my phone, instantly calling her.

"She left her stuff."

I turned around to see Kelsie walking out, holding Y/N's stuff. By the look on her face, she was furious with me.

"Kels, look. . ." I stuttered as I hung up and put my phone back in my pocket.

"No," she cut me off. "I don't want to hear it, Troy. I've known Y/N a lot longer than you have. I also know just how much you've hurt her."

"I didn't know," I stuttered.

"Anyone with eyes could've figured it out," she sighed.

"We all did."

I looked up to see Ryan walking out of the theater, the rest of the cast closely behind him.

"Seriously?" I scoffed. "You all knew how Y/N felt? And none of you told me?"

"We couldn't," Ryan sighed. "Y/N begged us not to."

"Besides," Chad scoffed, "it wasn't our place to tell you how she felt."

                              * * * * *

When I got to Y/N's house, I hesitated. As I sat in my car, struggling to get the confidence up to go to the door, I saw Y/N in her room. She was playing the keyboard she had by the window.

I smiled as I watched her start to sing as she played. My heart sank when I realized that the past couple of months, I've been hurting her. Me being with Gabriella has done nothing but hurt Y/N.

When that thought popped into my head, I jumped out of my car and jogged up their walkway. I waited eagerly for Y/N or her parents to answer the door.

"Troy," her mom stuttered when she opened the door.

"Hi, Mrs. Y/L/N. Is Y/N home?"

"She is," she said slowly. She hesitated when she looked over her shoulder. I heard her sigh as she opened the door more. "She's upstairs in her room. Go on up."

"Thanks."

I ignored her nervous look as I headed to Y/N's room. I reached for the doorknob but decided to knock instead.

"Mom," I heard her call out. "I told you I needed to work on this song for the Senior Showcase. I can't. . ."

Her breath got caught in her throat when she opened her door and saw me standing in her doorway.

"Want some help with the song?" I asked, trying to be funny.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, her voice barely audible.

"I umm. . . I wanted to talk," I barely got out.

"Troy, I don't think. . ."

"Please," I said, not hiding my desperation. "I need to talk to you, Y/N. I don't. . . I don't want to lose you."

"It's a little late for that," she mumbled as she looked down at her socks.

"Y/N, please. . ."

"Goodbye, Troy."

Part 4

[johnnyclash87]

Ok I finished this way quicker than I expected! I’m actually really happy with it

@sammi-doll483 @kris-styx I believe y’all wanted to be tagged in this?

3636 had been in over a dozen battles, numerous engagements, and countless near death experiences. But knocking on a Jedi generals door was still the most terrifying thing he experienced. Whenever his previous General, Pong Krell called him to his quarters at best it was orders for another mission that would get hundreds of people killed. Or at worst a lengthy berating over a small failure in the last mission that got hundreds of men killed. Did they move from position? Failure. Did they retreat? Failure? Did they engage the enemy without orders? Failure. It didn’t matter that their position was under heavy artillery fire, or that they were overwhelmed by a force ten times their size, or that the enemy was about to engage them.

But here he was again at the door of a Jedi. Although this wasn’t Krell, it was their new general, Plo Koon. Kel Dor. Jedi Master. Even though the commander and the rest of the battalion were still extremely uneasy around him, he couldn’t help pick up on some significant differences. Like how when passing the troops he would say “good morning”. Or how he actually congratulated a trooper on their marksmanship on the range. Something Krell would have seemed a mere expectation for a Clone.

Whatever this was about, certainly making General Koon wait would not help. 3636 took a deep breath, said a silent prayer to whatever or whoever cared enough to listen, and pressed the ring button. The door slid open, and sitting on a circular mat that hardly looked comfortable was Plo Koon.

“Good afternoon Commander, please come in” hearing his actual rank was still an adjustment. With Krell it was always “3636” or “CC 3636” or he would just bark orders to nobody in particular and expect them to figure out who it was for.

“CC 3636, reporting as ordered Sir”

“Please have a seat,” 3636 stood still and firm at attention.

“Uhm.. at ease.” The commander relaxed his body slightly and slid his right leg out a small distance.

“I’m not sure you’ll take the offer but it would make this conversation easier if you would sit down” Plos voice even through the rebreather felt oddly calm and assuring. He wasn’t sure sitting would make him more relaxed but if it eased the generals mind.., He wasn’t sure if he should sit cross legged like General Koon and elected to keep his feet on the floor. That would make any need for sudden movement easier. As he sat he noticed a scent stick burning on a nearby table. Noticing it, he noticed a sweet warm smell in the air that oddly seemed to lower his heart beat.

“I hope I’m not being hasty but I think I should get to the point of this meeting. I’ve noticed the men are, well they seem very uncomfortable since the transfer” Plo barely moved except his hands in small slow gestures.

“I accept responsibility for the troops performance, I’ll..” with a slow raise of his hand, Plo gently cut 3636 off.

“No, Commander,I’m not blaming you, or anyone. What I would like to know, is why this is, and how I can help”

The commander was nearly always ready with a response or answer to a superiors question, even if the answer was “no excuse”. But he wasn’t sure how to tell one Jedi that the reason his siblings were so terrified was that another Jedi practically beat that fear in them.

“I know it may be hard to believe but I do genuinely care about you and the Troops. It concerns me greatly that you all seem to be in so much emotional pain. You may be bred for war, but you still deserve to be happy”. 3636 had to look away, unless the general see his eyes moisten.

“It’s ok Commander, I’m listening”

“Well General, honestly it’s just how we’re trained. We’re so used to punishment we’ve come to expect it. Some of us have even become numb to it”

“Punishment from your previous General? Master Pong Krell?”

“Yes sir” For a moment Plos muscles visibly tensed as if reacting in shock and anger. Of course Jedi aren’t allowed to get angry.

“Thank you Commander. I know that was hard but you have done your men and possibly more a great service. I will be sure to speak of this to the Council.” If the Commander wasn’t so well disciplined he might have hugged him.

“Before I go on, Commander, there’s a small but frankly important matter. I know it may not fit into military protocol but I can’t keep calling you commander and CC number is well out of the question. Even droids get names”

“It would be nice to have a name but I’m not sure what I would be called.” 3636 was relaxing more and more. This new general was most different.

“I may have a suggestion. I see how protective you are of the Troops, like a

wolf. What if I called you Wolffe ?” The Clone considered the name for a moment.

“‘No need to decide now. What I’d really like to discuss is how we might ease the men’s hearts and minds. I know many of the Troops in other units frequent the bars on Coruscant to relieve stress. Perhaps a trip outside the base might help?”

“Maybe in time sir, but I’m not sure they’re ready for crowds and loud noise.” Never did 3636 think he would not only counter a generals words but actually be encouraged to do so.

“Hmm you may be very right. Perhaps something less, intensive?” Plo stroked his chin or rather his mask thoughtfully.

“I may have an idea, General”

“Please. You know them better than I do”

“During our training, some of the instructors taught us how to paint our armor to make it more distinctive and to help build a sense of community. For many of us it was the most enjoyable and relaxing trainings we received. Maybe we could have the men paint their armor as a way to ease their anxiety and feel more like individuals. We could even have them make a logo and tell them it’s for tactical reasons. That way they feel less suspicious about the idea” This was probably the most 3636 had spoken to well anyone in while.

“I think that’s a great idea. Is there anyone who might be able to take charge of such a project?” General Plo sounded just as ecstatic as the Clone was.

“Actually I think I know the perfect person. 2827. The instructors were very impressed with his painting skills and he even helped some of the other Troopers.”

“Then he sounds like the man for the job. Call him in, if you would, please” Plo was already standing up as the Commander contacted the Trooper. They didn’t wait long before the bell rang. Plo activated the door and invited the waiting Clone in.

If 3636 was on edge when he first came in, 2827 was practically hanging on it by his fingernails

“Commander, General. You asked for me?”

“Yes Trooper. At ease.” 3636 decided it might be better if he started the conversation.

“The general and I have a very important task for you.” This clearly peaked his interest. At this Plo took over

“Your commander and I were just discussing ways to make the unit more efficient. Not that you and your comrades aren’t performing exemplarily. I’m constantly impressed. But if I’m honest distinguishing the 104th from other battalions is a bit of a challenge. So I’d like you to make an insignia for the battalion.”

“And it can’t just be numbers,” 3636 must be feeling more comfortable if he would dare interject when a general was speaking, “it’s gotta let the Seppies know who they’re dealing with”

“Well said Commander. And I’m sure the Trooper is more than up to the task”

“Absolutely, I don’t think there’s a better man for the job” The commander did something he rarely did, he smiled.

“Well Trooper, you have your orders. Can you do it?” Plo didn’t think he would say no, but wanted him to at least feel it was his choice.

“Yes general. I won’t let you down”

“I know you won’t, brother. Dismissed” 3636 gave him one of the most genuinely respectful salutes he ever rendered

“Yes commander” 2827 was heading to the door, a slight spring in his step

“Oh and Trooper”

“Yes commander?”

“Call me Wolffe. Feel free to tell the others too”

Three days later and 2827 was running down the corridor toward Wolffe.

“Commander Wolffe! Is General Plo around? Have you seen him?”

“Take a breath Trooper. He’s actually heading this way” Wolffe hadn’t seen any of his Troops this excited since they completed training.

“Good. It’s done. I finished designing the insignia for the battalion!”

“That is good. Here’s the General now.” Both Troopers came to attention and greeted Plo with a salut which he returned. Something Krell never did..

“Good morning gentlemen. Commander Wolffe, you have the recommendations for promotion? “

“I do General. But actually, Trooper 2827 has the design ready for us.”

“By all means, let’s see it!” Plo showed about as much excitement as a Jedi could. 2827 opened up a folder he had been holding and revealed the image it had contained; a gray wolfs head.

“I thought that if the Commander was a Wolffe, we would be his Wollfe Pack. If that’s appropriate, sir” The Trooper beamed with cautious pride

“It’s very appropriate Trooper. I’m very proud of you and you should be too” Wolffes normally gruff voice cracked a little. Luckily Plo stepped in so he could wipe the dust from his eyes

“This is very excellent work Trooper. You have great skill with a paint brush. Hmm how would you like that to be your name; Brush?”

“I-I like that very much” 2827, or Brush, rather would probably have been just as thrilled if his name was Toast

“Very good then. Well it looks like we have some painting to do then. Requisition some art supplies and tell the Troopers to meet in the training hall. Commander, I think these promotions can wait, don’t you?”

“Definitely general.”

“And Brush, I hope you’ll be kind enough to assist me with my own art.”

“I’d be honored” Brush and Wolffe shared a silent look that let eachother know thinsgs were going to be much better from now on.

[aharris00britney]

ASKS 18

Andromeda’s a big wide open galaxy; okay anyways here are some asks about Dead by Daylight, ayoshi collab, sims 5, my old recolors, and just some sweet people who sent me some nice messages <3

Anonymous said: In your collab with Ayoshi, the outfit that shows off the Ciara Top and Jess shorts, where can I find the garter belt accessory used with the shorts?

Those stockings get asked about SO much lmao. They are BY Ayoshi like.. idk why people ask about them. I desperately want him to remake them with new textures. Maybe one day lmao. All of his CC is in this post including the stocking (Miso Tights).

Anonymous said: Omg whos your dead by daylight main

Kate and Yui <3 I have been using Jane recently too. I play as Spirit for killer but I only do killer for the challenges LMAO

Anonymous said: I am very new to The Sims world, ts4 is my first time playing, and finding out I can have mods on my game change my world, and you are one of my favorite creators! So I just came to say you are really amazing. I think I have all of your hairs, and most of you others cc, it is because of you my townies look so cute nowadays!! Remember your effort is really valued and you are loved!!!

thank you so so so much ;n; I would really advise against having all of my hairs lmao there are like 150+ and a lot of the older ones have issues i want to fix... just need to find the time

Anonymous said: what do u use to get the little sparkles in your edits :o is it a brush?

I honestly don’t remember. Every since the first one I just use the same lookbook PSD that has the sparkle on it. These look similar though so try them.

Anonymous said: wcif the first two chokers used in your pic for your hairs you just put up on your patreon?

All of my patreon cc posts are public the day they go up. the download is for patrons only but the CC posts are public. Those always have the CC i use linked at the bottom. Always. They have since June of last year. Just go to my Patreon and scroll down to the hairs, and you will see them linked. No pledging or following required. 

Anonymous said: Do you have a Ko-Fi? I’m wary about trying to send a one-off via Patreon incase I forget to cancel the next month.

I have a paypal.me link > here < but please don’t feel inclined to donate. Also if you do a one-off with Patreon you can cancel it right after you pledge and you’ll still have access to the Patreon content til the end of the month. 

Anonymous said: not to rush you or anything but bella is one of the prettiest sims you've ever created and i can't wait for you to release her omg

Bella queen wbk (thank you)

Anonymous said: your models are so pretty! would you consider release the tray files of them?

that is the plan, not sure when though. I am building them a house rn which i’ve been having fun doing. They all lived in a basement before

Anonymous said: hi :) just out of curiosity, what is the EA policy u always mention concerning the third hairs in ur posts? thanks!

CC put on Patreon is supposed to be post within 21 days of going on Patreon. One of the community managers said it a while ago. I have the details on my Patreon about me page if you want to read and get links. <3

@ariapixie​ said: Happy New Years!!🎆🎉🎉🎆🎇���

thank you!!! i hope youve been having an amazing year so far <3

Anonymous said: Heey love :) I am obssessed with your hairstyles *_* you're the reason I switched from alpha to MM :) just wanted to ask you how come you no longer include recolors for your latest hairstyles? :)

well there were a few reasons:

1). I never used the recolors myself. I like the colors I just never used them 2). I got comments about the colors looking too metalic 3). I had started Patreon around that time and doing recolors for 3 (and sometimes more) hairs every month would have been a lot. Especially bc my DDS was broken so I had to do them a bit more complicated than just saving as DDS. 

I know that some people really liked my recolors, and I am sorry if me stopping caused any issues. There are actions for the hair colors and recoloring hair is really easy to learn and do. 

@sadnessimmer said: 💌This is the Amazing Person Award! Once you are given this award you are supposed to paste it in the ask of eight different people, who, in your opinion, deserve it. If you break the chain nothing will happen, but it is sweet to know someone thinks you’re amazing inside and out! 💌

Anonymous said: how is your content so amazing ily so much 🥺💕

Anonymous said: Thank you so much for all that you do! Your hairs and collabs are amazing

thank you so much! 

Anonymous said: Could you ever see yourself creating hairs (or custom content in general) for the Sims 5 once it comes out?   

If the style is something I enjoy and the creation method is similar yes

@ariapixie​ said: Hi I think tumblr ate my ask so I’m sorry if you’ve already gotten this. I really love your editing it’s so beautiful and I was wondering if you would ever consider doing a tutorial on how you do it

honestly most of the time i do stuff differently. I run the same topaz/sharpening actions every time and then add some shadows and play with curves. Nothing that is super intensive tbh. I wouldn’t even know how to go about doing a tutorial tbh

Anonymous said: What's your name on the gallery? I can't ever seem to find anything from you, or do you not have one?

aharris00britney; make sure you have CC enabled

@wcifblog​ said: Hi, I am in love with your CC. I'm a simmer for a long time but just lately I've been trying to learn how to make my own CC. I've seen some of your speed meshing videos and I was wondering if you'd ever consider making a tutorial for beginners on how to create a new mesh from scratch. (I'm trying to create a curly hair on blender but I'm stupid I guess). Thank you so much for all your work, love, Kel.

hey! thank you so much <3 I actually don’t mesh stuff from scratch though. So I’m afraid I am not able to help in that department :( I’m sorry

@tarrinix​ said: would it be possible for you to upload a mass file for download that has all of your hairs? (I'm asking for only the ones created by you so others don't miss out of credit links and things like that.)

I really wanted to get all my 2019 CC updated before the end of the year and have it up in a .zip. But I never got around do updating stuff from the start of the year. I need to get back into updating stuff I just am so.. unmotivated recently? Idk hopefully I can get all my stuff updated in the next few months and have some mass downloads for 2017, 2018, and 2019 stuff. 

@xayami​ said: any thoughts on 365? 😳

well.... im excited for B#RN. that is what matters, right? LMAO I’m going through a Weyes Blood/FKA Twigs phase rn so I haven’t been listening to much kpop. Especially at the time that 365 released.

Anonymous said: the sim modeling your piper hair can murder me and i will thank her over and over how make good sim

Anonymous said: it's not even just her it's every GODDANG MODEL!!!

LMAO Ivy is my 2nd blond model. She is a queen isn’t she? She is actually the sim from this lookbook and I just randomly added her to my models household and she stayed. 

[1dfangirls35]

Voir Dire- N.H

A fake dating AU about contracts, soulmates and risking it all for love.

Masterlist // Tell Me What You Think!

thirteen

There are certain phone calls you don't want to receive in your life. For some, it's the dreaded voice of a telemarketer asking you to buy their product. For others, it's the 2 am phone call from their ex who is plastered at the bar. For Niall, it was the angry voice of Mike, his agent, asking who on earth the girl was he was papped with the night before.

"Wait what?" Niall asked, his mind trying to comprehend the endless attack of words coming at him from the other side of the phone. He's not sure he's ever heard this kind of anger leave his agent's mouth before. 

"The girl. Who is she Niall?"

Niall was silent for a moment. Who was Kelsey? Who should he say she is? Would it be better to come clean? Explain that this was a girl that he was developing feelings for and that this relationship was far more real than anything the PR team could have written up? Or should he write Kelsey off as a nobody and hope that the team puts it to rest?

"She's..."

"She's not your girlfriend, Niall," Mike interrupted before Niall had a chance to say otherwise. "Michaels wants to meet with you. 1pm. If I were you I'd come bearing an apologetic face and some sort of solution to this PR nightmare." And with that, the phone call ended.

Niall slammed his phone down on his crisp white bedspread with a thud. Then he sat down, setting his head in his hands. This was the worst case scenario. This was exactly the situation that he had been trying to avoid.

"What's wrong?" Kelsey asked, entering the room from her shower with a towel wrapped around her torso and her wet hair forming a small puddle on the floor.  She wasn't sure she'd ever seen a face like this on Niall before, this look of fear. Almost as if he'd seen a ghost.

Niall pondered whether or not he should bring Kelsey into this. It wasn't her fault that they were caught by a camera or that they'd even been in that situation in the first place. If he leaves her out of it, he can be in and out of a meeting with Alan Michaels at Capitol without her being any the wiser. Taking that route keeps Kelsey from having to worry, or worse feeling guilty for going out to dinner in the first place.

But then a different thought crosses his mind. Maybe this wasn't a problem at all. Maybe this was an opportunity. Maybe this was just what they needed to have a shot at a real relationship, the kind that didn't involve baseball caps and restaurant back rooms and sneaking around as not to be spotted.

"It appears that our outing last night was not quite as stealthy as we had hoped," Niall admitted, eyeing Kelsey carefully to gauge her reaction.

Kelsey felt her stomach drop. Last night had been perfect. It had been the first time that she truly felt like what she and Niall had wasn't just some hidden behind-the-scenes love affair. It felt like a normal date. The things a normal couple would do. And now, the thing that Niall had feared the most had come true.

This was all her fault, if she hadn't pushed Niall. If she hadn't been so insecure about the standing of their relationship they never would have been put in this situation.

"Don't you dare start thinking this is your fault," Niall seemingly read Kelsey's mind. He comes over where she is standing, grabbing her hands and squeezing them between his.

"I..." Kelsey began to argue back but then realized that was exactly what she was thinking. "Well, What are you going to do?"

"I think that maybe..." Niall paused, hardly believing he was about to say the words aloud. "I think maybe we tell them about us."

"What?" Kelsey exclaimed. "Are you crazy?!" She couldn't believe that Niall was even considering the idea, especially with how he'd described the label's representatives so far.

"Maybe a little bit," Niall laughed nervously. "But if you think about it, what did they hire Krystal for in the first place? They hired her to show that I was in love. That my new album wasn't all heartbreak and loneliness. So what difference does it make if I'm in a relationship with a hired actress or someone that I'm actually interested in? In fact, I would argue that if we used our relationship instead, it would be more authentic and better for the image in the long run."

"I think you are overlooking one minor detail Niall," Kelsey said, taking a seat on the bed. She didn't want to get her hopes up. Sure, she'd love to be seen out in public with Niall, but she had a feeling it would be far more complicated than that. "If you start dating me, you are going to have to dump Krystal."

"And?" Niall asked, his voice growing excited as he began to further think about how this was actually the perfect solution. "People in Hollywood break up all the time. It's nothing new."

"I just think its going to be more complicated then you think Ni."

"So you don't want me to go through with it? You want me to keep up this act with Krystal and keep sneaking around? I thought you wanted a real relationship?" Niall replied with confusion.

"Of course I want a real relationship, Niall," Kelsey said, grabbing his hand and pulling him to sit beside her. "I would love to be able to do what we wanted without worrying about someone spotting us." She squeezed Niall's hand, letting him know that there was nothing she wanted more in the world. "But I just don't want you to jump into this decision. This is your career we're talking about."

"I've already made my decision, Kels. Mike told me to come bearing a solution and this is it. You are my solution." He reached a hand up and brushed Kelsey's cheek. "Just trust me on this, everything is going to be okay."

Kelsey nodded her head in agreement. But she still couldn't shake the feeling that this meeting wasn't going to go as planned.

***************************

The Capitol Records building is just as fancy as you would expect the office of a premier icon of the music industry. Modern décor, framed albums and autographed photos. The ambience would be intimidating to someone entering for something as casual as a tour, let alone a someone entering for a meeting with executives.

Kelsey felt her heart racing as she entered the elevator. Niall must have sensed her nervousness, because he grabbed her hand and gave it an encouraging squeeze as the elevator makes its ascent. She wondered what they would do when they saw her with him. Would they yell at her? Demand that she leave the building immediately? Or would they shake her hand and ask her about herself, to see that maybe she was in fact, the perfect person for Niall Horan to be dating in the midst of his album promotion?

As they get off they elevator, they were greeted by a stoic looking red head with her hair slicked back in a ponytail so tight it looked like it was squeezing her head. "Have a seat right there, Mr. Michaels will be right with you."

They took a seat on a slick, black leather loveseat. Kelsey could tell Niall was nervous by the way that he was chewing at his fingertips. Mr. Michaels is large, bald man with a freshly ironed suit and red tie that only adds to his intimidating aura. Kelsey can't help but think that he looks somewhat familiar, but she can' t place. Maybe he'd been a patron at The Manhattan or perhaps she'd simply passed him on the street.

"Mr. Horan," he grumbled, offering out his hand which Niall quickly stood and shook. He looked towards Kelsey, shooting her a mischievous smile. "And Miss Benton, what a pleasant surprise."

Niall looked over at Kelsey with a confused glance. "Didn't think I'd have done my research so quickly Mr. Horan? I'm offended," Mr. Michaels chuckled. He adjusted his tie before taking a step back towards his office. "Well I believe we have some business to attend to, shall we?"

Niall stood and Kelsey stood up following him. Mr. Michaels took a seat behind a large glass desk as Kelsey and Niall sat in two hard metal chairs in front of him. Mr. Michaels clasped his hands in front of him before clearing his throat loudly. "So let me guess, both of you are here today because you'd like your relationship to take the place of the one that we've hired Miss Hoffman for?"

Niall gulped. The stare Mr. Michaels was giving him wasn't one that reflected him thinking this was a brilliant idea by any means. He tried to mentally remind himself of all the points he had come up with on the drive over. All the reasons he could convince Michaels and the rest of the PR team that this was all a benefit to his album sales, and not a detriment. But in this moment, he couldn't seem to come up with any of them. Instead he muttered a shaky, "That would be correct, sir."

"A question for you Miss Benton," Mr. Michaels declared rather than asked. Kelsey nodded her head slowly. "What do you know about dating a celebrity?" His eyes latch onto Kelsey's and she felt her already pounding heart increase in speed. 

"I mean, I know there is always the risk of being caught by the paparazzi's. And that there are a lot of performances and appearances," she glanced over at Niall hoping for some reassurance. He offered her the slightest of smiles. "And I know that you have to grow a thick skin, because their are always going to be people: fans, media, stars, critiquing your every move." Kelsey wanted to add on that she thought she could handle it. That she realized that bringing her relationship with Niall out to the public would come with these new challenges, but that she was prepared to face them, but before she can begin to speak, Mr. Michaels has shifted his gaze towards Niall.

"And you, Mr. Horan. I'd like to hear just what you must think the benefits of dating this girl instead of Miss Hoffman are to you and your team here at Capitol. They must be good ones, hmm," Mr. Michaels raised his eyebrows. "Considering you brought Miss Benton here to our meeting today when it wasn't part of our request."

Niall looked over at Kelsey, then back at Mr. Michaels, his beady gray eyes piercing into his soul. If the goal was to make Niall feel like he had made an incredibly stupid decision then it had most definitely been accomplished, because the longer that Niall sat in this chair enduring the stare of a man who for held his music career in his hands, the smaller he felt.

"I just thought," his voice cracked. He cleared his voice, taking a deep breath and trying to command ever ounce of confidence that remained in his body. "I thought that if the whole goal of me being in a relationship this promotion cycle was that you could portray me as a guy that wasn't heartbroken, wouldn't it be more authentic if I actually was with someone who I'm developing feelings for. You of all people should know my fanbase, they aren't just naïve little girls who believe everything in front of their eyes. They investigate things, they can sense things aren't quite right. Hell, sometimes I think they know me better than I know myself!"

He glanced over at Kelsey who was giving him a reassuring smile. "The point is, I think they can sense that something isn't quite there with my relationship with Krystal. And I think this pap shot is exactly the kind of opportunity to come clean about the whole thing and just tell the truth. And then let me be in an authentic relationship. One with this amazing, smart, beautiful girl sitting next to me."

If Mr. Michaels is moved or convinced by Niall's answer, he didn't show it. Instead, his face remained blank, as he scratched his hairless head with his fingers. "And what of Miss Hoffman then, Mr. Horan?"

"I'm sure you have plenty of ways to frame the end of relationship. I mean, some stars getting a divorce nearly every other day in the newspaper."

Mr. Michaels leaned forward in his chair, picking up a black pen and rolling it between his fingers. "Let me play for a just a second...devil's advocate."

He took a long drawn out pause. Niall shifted nervously in his seat. Kelsey found herself picking at a hangnail on the edge of her thumbnail.

Mr. Michaels continued. "What happens when people hear that Niall has broken up with Krystal and is now with some other girl? They might think that you are a player, or a heartbreaker. Or maybe that you were cheating the whole time you were with Krystal." He set the pen in his hands down on the countertop once again, staring Niall down in a way that made Niall feel like he was a specimen in a lab. "Or say we go with your suggestion, Mr. Horan. We tell your fans that Krystal was just for the publicity and that in the meantime you have met someone else. Then what will they think of you. Their idol is a liar, he'll do anything to promote his music... blah blah blah, blah blah."

"Do you see why you've put the team in quite the predicament here?" Mr. Michaels leaned forward once again, closing the distance between them. "One that simply isn't solved just by 'telling the truth'. People outside the industry don't realize that there is no true honesty in the entertainment industry. It's all about perception. Public perception. Media perception. Changing that perception to fulfill your needs and goals."

Mr. Michaels stood from behind his desk, and Niall and Kelsey exchanged a confused glance. Niall wasn't sure if this meant that the team would consider his suggestion, or if Mr. Michaels had already made his decision. 

"Miss Benton, if you will have a seat back in the lobby, I believe Mr. Horan and I have a bit more to discuss," Mr. Michaels gestured towards the door as Kelsey stood up slowly. "It was a pleasure to see you again. Really was a shame the job didn't work out. But I think we made a pretty good choice with Miss Hoffman don't you think?"

That's when Kelsey finally made the connection. This man was the man sitting behind the coffee table with a stack of papers higher than any Kelsey had ever seen. The one that had asked her the strangest interview questions of her life. But that had been for a PR job Becca had told Kelsey might give her a leg up for entertainment law later in life. The job description had been vague, will little explanation of responsibilities or requirements. But that hadn't been for Krystal's job...had it?

Kelsey caught a glance of Niall's face as she exited Mr. Michaels' office. His face was formed in a scowl. He stared at her in a way that he never had before. This stare was a mix of anger, hurt and shock all in one. Kelsey wanted to stop right there and explain. Explain that she hadn't even known that the job she had applied for was to be Niall's fake girlfriend. Explain that she wouldn't have ever taken if it once she found out that was what it was. But instead she's ushered out of the office by Mr. Michaels' assistant, taking a seat on the hard black leather chair and having to let her mind wander about just what was being said in that office right now.

When Kelsey leaves the room, Niall sat for a moment stunned. The world seemed like it was moving in slow motion. At first he thought he had misheard, because how could Kelsey have applied for Krystal's job and not told him. Especially after all they'd talked about it. But the look on her face when she left the room wasn't one of shock or defensiveness. It was more of recognition, and the thought that Kelsey might have been keeping this secret from Niall was terrifying to him.

But Niall doesn't have time to linger on the thought of being betrayed, as Mr. Michaels begins to lecture once again."Mr. Horan, we expect that you will put an end to this...to this little charade of yours. When you are out of promotional season you are free to date whomever you wish, but if you'll remember our contract..."

So that was it. Niall would get no discussion. No consideration of a new plan. In fact, he was sure now that Mr. Michaels had made his decision the moment Niall and Kelsey stepped into his office. 

"Unless you don't want your album released?" Mr. Michaels added, his voice threatening. 

Niall nodded. "Of course I want the album released, I understand."

Mr. Michaels pulled out a large manila folder. He opened it, revealing a photo of Kelsey and Niall, hand and hand, walking down the Los Angeles streets. "If you are asked about these photos, she's a good friend. Nothing more. We think we've done enough that they should stay out of the press for now, but you know how things can be. But if pictures like this were to surface again, well, that could be catastrophic."

Niall knew that Mr. Michaels wasn't talking about catastrophic for Capitol Records. Mr. Michaels was hinting at catastrophic for Niall's album, his music career.

"Understood, sir," Niall said standing from his chair and begrudgingly giving Mr. Michaels a handshake. 

"End it, Niall." Mr. Michaels commanded, once more before Niall walks out the door.

Niall didn't say anything to Kelsey as he exited the office. He simply makes his way towards the elevator, Kelsey clattering behind him. Tension hangs in the elevator as they make their way back down, and Kelsey knew an explosion was coming.

They slide into the car awaiting them outside the building in silence and when the driver asks if they are going back to Niall's place or Kelsey's. She responded "Mine first," without missing a beat. 

"When I got that phone call do know what the first thing that ran through my mind was?" Niall broke the silence, his voice laced with frustration. "It wasn't the thought that I might get dropped from my label or that I wouldn't get to make music again. The first thing that came to my mind Kelsey was that they might try to get rid of you." Niall's voice continued to raise in volume, his face reddening by the second. "Do you even realize how much it scares me that I didn't for a second think that maybe I should end this. That I would literally risk my standing with the label then lose you?!"

"And then," he continued, barely even looking at Kelsey. "And then I find out that you could have been her. All this time when I told you how I just couldn't understand what kind of person would volunteer for a job like that. Well, apparently that type of person is you." His last words sting Kelsey as they leave his mouth. 

"Niall, it's not like that I can explain..." Kelsey tried to protest. She needed Niall to understand that this wasn't something that she had kept from him willingly. If she had known that the job was the one Krystal had she would have told him from the beginning.

"Explain what Kelsey? How you aren't the person I thought you were." Niall yelled, crossing his arms in front of him. The look on his face is a look of disgust, his eyes fiery. And Kelsey isn't sure that she can say anything that will change is mind. 

"I..." Kelsey began. 

"When I said no more secrets that didn't just apply to me. I thought it would apply to you to!" Niall interrupted.

"Listen to me Niall," Kelsey's voice came out for more like a yell than she intended. "I didn't know that I was applying for that job. They never told me when I interviewed. I wasn't keeping anything from you!"

"You should have something the moment you recognized him," Niall spat. 

"And what good would that have done Niall? You wouldn't have brought me into that office with you is that what you are trying to say?" Kelsey felt her pulse beating violently in her head. 

Niall didn't respond for a moment. "Maybe," he muttered, turning his gaze to look out of the car window. 

"I told you Niall, I had NO idea. You aren't even listening to me," Kelsey said with frustration, throwing up her hands. Niall didn't turn his head, instead, he kept his gaze firmly planted on the Los Angeles streets outside. He stayed that way, back turned away from Kelsey until they reach Kelsey's apartment. 

As Kelsey opened the door of the black Escalade, she wanted to say something else. To remind him that things aren't always what they seem. His relationship with Krystal had proved that. But she knew that he was in a place where he couldn't even hear the words. She knew because she'd been in that place before.

Instead, she softly spoke the question that had been burning in her mind ever since Niall exited Mr. Michaels office. "Did they tell you to end it? To end us?" Her voice comes out meek, like she's not quite sure she even wants to know the answer.

Niall turned to look at her, his face stoic. "Yes."

"Are you going to?" She asked, her voice now shaking.

"I don't know," he answered, before Kelsey stepped out the car and closed the door. Watching Niall's car drive away as she stood in shock on the sidewalk. 

Tag List:

@awomanindeniall​ @ihearthemcallingforyou @niall-is-my-dream

[howwelldoyouknowyourmoon]

The seven deadly sins of narcissism

In her book, Why Is It Always About You? : The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism, clinical social worker and psychotherapist Sandy Hotchkiss shows you how to cope with controlling, egotistical people who are incapable of the fundamental give-and-take that sustains healthy relationships. Exploring how individuals come to have this shortcoming, why you get drawn into their perilous orbit, and what you can do to break free, Hotchkiss describes the “Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism” and their origins.

Shamelessness: Shame is the feeling that lurks beneath all unhealthy narcissism, and the inability to process shame in healthy ways.

Magical thinking: Narcissists see themselves as perfect, using distortion and illusion known as magical thinking. They also use projection to dump shame onto others.

Arrogance: A narcissist who is feeling deflated may reinflate by diminishing, debasing, or degrading somebody else.

Envy: A narcissist may secure a sense of superiority in the face of another person’s ability by using contempt to minimize the other person.

Entitlement: Narcissists hold unreasonable expectations of particularly favorable treatment and automatic compliance because they consider themselves special. Failure to comply is considered an attack on their superiority, and the perpetrator is considered an “awkward” or “difficult” person. Defiance of their will is a narcissistic injury that can trigger narcissistic rage.

Exploitation: Can take many forms but always involves the exploitation of others without regard for their feelings or interests. Often the other is in a subservient position where resistance would be difficult or even impossible. Sometimes the subservience is not so much real as assumed.

Bad boundaries: Narcissists do not recognize that they have boundaries and that others are separate and are not extensions of themselves. Others either exist to meet their needs or may as well not exist at all. Those who provide narcissistic supply to the narcissist are treated as if they are part of the narcissist and are expected to live up to those expectations. In the mind of a narcissist, there is no boundary between self and other.

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結局、自分のことしか考えない人たち：自己愛人間への対応術

サンディ・ホチキス  (著), 江口 泰子 (翻訳)  

https://www.amazon.co.jp/dp/4794224419/

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comments from readers:

Kel: For me, this book helped me to find some understanding and acceptance that I WILL NOT be able to understand why these people act the way they do. Narcissism develops early in childhood and is often the by product of a narcissistic parent. The root of one’s behavior is based on the idea that the person is so insecure they constantly need people around them to boost them up. This occurs by creating grandiosity (they boost you up, so you in turn boost them up) or by putting others down. You are merely an extension of a narcissists world and the moment you try to set boundaries and have an individual identity, you are no longer of use to the narcissist, and they cut you off. This is where they often portray their lack of underlying moral values. They are so concerned about their own world that they simply cannot have compassion for yours!

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Xeni: Coming into contact with someone who is narcissistic can be toxic. If you have a boss who demands you cater to them all the time, or have a parent who puts their needs before their own [children], or have a sibling who doesn’t recognize boundaries… all these can lead to having detrimental effects on everyone they come into contact with. The examples outlined in this book are quite alarming. But they happen all the time. This is probably why I find the chapters on how to defend yourself from such people the most important.

I will just list the strategies here:

1. know yourself

2. embrace reality

3. set boundaries

4. cultivate reciprocal relationships

While to you these things might all seem very obvious, to those who were raised in a less than stellar environment [these strategies may be a challenge].

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Bryan: This is a book I would recommend to everyone. The book is broken up into four parts. Part 1 is the Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism and a very good description of each behavior. Part 2 is devoted to the explanation of where Narcissism can come from. Part 3 is tips on how to defend yourself from each of the “sins” and ways to avoid being caught in the narcissist’s web. Part 4 (and probably the most useful part) is the “Special People” section where Hotchkiss gives countless examples of narcissism in all forms, from the narcissistic child, to the narcissistic boss, loved one, family member and far beyond. Additionally, in this section Hotchkiss offers strategies from Part 3 that have been tailored to fit that specific subset of people.

The layout of this book and the progression of the information is set in a way that it repeats itself a bit but in ratchets up the learning curve with each repetition so it is not annoying or just beating the same information to death for 100+ pages. As a mental health professional I found a lot of this information to be informative despite my pre-existing body of knowledge on the subject. I feel that this is a book that can be given to anyone to help them recognize or begin to combat the narcissist already in someone’s life and/or to protect one’s self from being pulled in by these rather irresistible people. If you feel like you may have a narcissist on your hands, this is a MUST read!

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When reading this following review think of shame. Think of the ‘original sin’ – which may not have any basis in reality – and all the other sins that are put upon followers of the Moon family. These sins are described at length in the Divine Principle. Moon himself claimed to have been free from all sin, and now Hak Ja Han claims to have been born without original sin. Do the Moons use the powerful emotion of shame to control their followers? Did Moon feel shame within his own self that he poured onto all his followers – who then became so preoccupied with this ‘sin/shame’ that they could not see the imperfections of the Moon family?

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Emily: … Here are my notes:

More typically, the shamelessness of the Narcissist comes across as cool indifference or even amorality. We sense that these people are emotionally shallow, and we may think of them as thick-skinned, sure of themselves, and aloof. Then, all of the sudden, they may surprise us by reacting to some minor incident or social slight. When shaming sneaks past the barriers, these “shameless” ones are unmasked for what they really are – supremely shame-sensitive. That is when you will see a flash of hurt, usually followed by rage and blame. When the stink of shame has penetrated their walls, they fumigate with a vengeance. (page 6)

The need to avoid shame at all costs creates a continuing dilemma for the Narcissist, as life has a way of regularly doling out humbling experiences that cannot be taken in stride. There is always someone who is better, brighter, more beautiful, more successful, more anything you can think of. The fact that no one is perfect is of little comfort to Narcissists, however, because they see themselves as the exception to this natural law. Their challenge is to find a way to stay pumped up inside in order to hold these hard realities at bay. The methods they typically employ involve a considerable amount of distortion and illusion, what psychologists call “magical thinking.” (page 7)

They don’t really “see” anyone else, except when a person can do something for them…

Eve’s shame after the fall – statue by Rodin. The fall narrative is an allegorical tale.

There will be inevitable violations of boundaries. More than vanity, arrogance, self-absorption… this is your biggest clue to another person’s narcissism. Ignore it at your own risk.

You may want to avoid the toxic environments in which Narcissist thrive and instead seek those in which differences between people are recognized and accepted, healthy boundaries are maintained and expectations are clear and realistic.

We all view life through lens of experiences but the Narcissist has something more, not just a lens but a prism that refracts and distorts incoming messages to avoid the intolerable feeling of shame. This means you are never in control of how these people perceive you or when you will be assaulted with some defensive manoeuvre that deflects their shame, prevents deflation or re inflates them after a narcissistic injury.

People who tolerate boundary violations are generally those who like the Narcissist, have not formed a strong sense of separate self, usually because they have been trained to accept intrusions while growing up… others from such backgrounds are very sensitized to those intrusions and erect rigid boundaries to protect themselves.

These are people who have difficulty trusting and allowing intimacy in close relationships. They develop an anxious, apprehensive attitude towards others, as if they expect to be violated in some way. Sometimes, however, their lack of experience with healthy boundaries makes them confused or unsure when an intrusion is occurring. (page 29)

If you have a parent, spouse or other significant person in your life who is an addictive or compulsive narcissist, chances are you have developed your own compulsions or addictions for dealing with the stress of this relationship…  maybe you crave chocolate, potato chips or ice cream and have trouble controlling your weight.

Maybe you immerse yourself in the practice of your religion in order to convert the pain and emptiness of your life into something with transcendent meaning. Maybe you have to buy a new pair of shoes for every social occasion. Maybe you can’t stop collecting toys, furniture, cars, art or whatever you do for a hobby. Maybe you read, sew or clean compulsively to distract yourself.

You don’t have to be an alcoholic or drug addict to have a problem with compulsion. Anything you do to alter your mood that keeps you from addressing underlying problems could be hurting you or someone you love.

What do you do to make bad feelings go away? Could you stop any of these behaviors if you knew they were hurting your child, spouse or best friend? What if the one being hurt was you? (pages 117-118)

To become compulsive about our compulsions is to invite more shame into our lives… it is about establishing balance. When you stop altering your moods, you have to face the feelings that you have avoided. How well you work through those feelings will have everything to do with whether you will be able to live a life free of addictions and compulsions. That is reality. (page 118)

Guidelines for Survival

Be aware of your feelings in the company of someone who repeatedly evokes shame, discomfort, anger… these feelings can be excellent indicators that you are in the presence of a Narcissist. Once you have recognized whom you are dealing with, you will be in a better position to defend yourself.

When you have uncomfortable or intense feelings in the presence of a Narcissist, ask yourself what buttons of yours are being pushed. Why do you respond the way you do?

Think about how your feelings help the narcissist manage shame in some way. Try not to personalize what is happening. Although it couldn’t feel more personal, it really is not. You are just a means to an end.

You need to find a way to detach from the feelings the Narcissist evokes in you. Sometimes it helps to think of this person as being 2 years old on the inside.

When deflecting the shame projected by the Narcissist, resist the urge to retaliate. The Narcissist has a lot at stake in keeping unconscious processes unconscious. Don’t try to challenge or enlighten this person either… if you try to tamper with this, you may escalate the situation to your own detriment or discomfort.

It needs to be enough for you to know that you have to put the projections back where they belong in your own mind, regardless of how the Narcissist sees the situation.

Learn to accept that if a narcissist lies, cheats, disrespects or hurts others, betrays confidences, take advantage or shows lack of compassion, sooner or later you can expect to be on the receiving end of that same behavior.

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that something special about your relationship will spare you.

Don’t go into a relationship with a Narcissist thinking you are going to change that person, or they will change their feelings because of you. Although people do sometimes change as a result of experiences in relationships, this requires something that the Narcissists lack, the capacity to respond to compassion with compassion.

When setting boundaries, be prepared for changes in the relationship other than the ones you are requesting. The Narcissist must find some way to cope with the fact that you are taking control of your own life, as this very well may upset his internal equilibrium. There may be testing of you in other aspects of the relationship to see how far you are willing to go to create separateness and “be your own person.”

There may be distancing from you and redirection of control elsewhere. There may be manipulation, coercion, or efforts to seduce you into rescinding the boundaries and restoring the power this person had over you… Take it slowly, think about what you are feeling and what is happening, and plan your responses carefully. Try not to fall into old traps.

Do whatever is necessary to protect yourself and know that you have a right to do this. Then whatever you decide to do, do it as non-defensively as you can.

Find a way to distance yourself from the emotional “hooks.” For example, view criticism as “help” and respond as if the person is offering help. Even though you know it isn’t help, your ability to respond this way meets her need to feel important but you are in control. Putting a stop not to her behavior but to your experience of it. (page 169)

You can try to ask them to refrain from certain behavior while in your presence, but this may not work. What is valuable about asserting yourself in this way, is not so much your effectiveness in getting them to change as the experience of standing up for yourself even if your wishes are ignored. Calmly tell what you are prepared to do if you are not respected. (page 170)

If you are able to make peace with your narcissist, to give without feeling taken advantage of, to love even though you may receive little in return, to accept what never was and can never be, you will be free to search elsewhere for the reciprocity you deserve. (page 171)

______________________________________

Jean:

Be ready to accept your own part in allowing narcissists any role in your life. The book has a lot to say about people being responsible for their own well-being.

This is my favorite quote from the book: “In addition to love, all children need these things, from birth to emancipation: consistency, structure, good boundaries, empathic attunement, and SOMEONE TO BE AN ADULT. They need to know who is in their family and who is not, what place or places they can call home, where and when they are supposed to eat and sleep, what are the rules of conduct of the household and to whom they apply (roles and responsibilities), what belongs to them and what does not. They need to be taught what their own personal boundaries are, who can violate them, and under what circumstances. They need to understand also that others have personal boundaries that need to be respected. They need to know whom they can depend on to meet each of their needs: who will comfort them when they are hurt or sick or frightened, who will protect them when they are in danger, who will provide them with the necessities of life, who will teach them what they need to know to become more self-reliant. The sum total of these “knowings” constitute the boundaries of their lives. As parents, it is our job to set these structures in place and to maintain or alter them over time.”

If people read no more than this of the book, they will have serious food for thought about how to raise healthy, well-adjusted children who will become healthy well-adjusted citizens.

______________________________________

reviews from http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/423271.Why_Is_It_Always_About_You_

______________________________________

Total Exploitation: Moon says “sell your life” for me

Young-oon Kim: “Our Leader (Sun Myung Moon) is quite temperamental and is easily angered.”

The Guru Papers: Masks of Authoritarian Power

Contract for Membership in a Cultic Group or Relationship

The Believing Brain: From Spiritual Faiths to Political Convictions – How We Construct Beliefs and Reinforce Them as Truths

Repairing the Soul – Janja Lalich

[dreamsatdusk]

Chapter 21 and 22 Reread

Discussion welcome if you are so inclined!

If you don't want to see these reread posts showing up, blacklist this tag: Dreams reads Ninefox Gambit

This has been quite delayed, yes. Part of it has been lack of time and headspace, part because I find the initial memory very upsetting and there’s a lot of sad through all of them. 

Chapter 21

I have thoughts on the carrion bomb, but they deserve a spoiler post for other things.

Khiaz is grotesque and the only reason she’s not at the top of the hate list is because Kujen exists.

But as a Shuos, she was the heptarch’s property. There was no one she could appeal to.

There’s a lot of in-your-face atrocity in these books, but there’s at least as much that’s quiet and just as terrible.

I need to check this event against timeline. Jedao was just made brigadier-general. He already has a plan that involves planting the idea with Khiaz that he’s terrified of death, which is pointed to as motivation for Khiaz to agree to consign him to the black cradle. But that also implies he already knew about the black cradle at this point? Or did he only have ideas that were more vague and was hedging his bets?

She peeled back one glove and stared at the veins, and the scar across the base of her palm.

Given the context, I think this scar is from a prior suicide attempt.

People knew now that she wanted to sleep with another soldier, forbidden though it was.

Huh. I think I missed some of the implications here orignially. But now I think this bit isn’t about Khiaz directly, but her ratting him out by wearing that uniform and what she let everyone at the party think was going on.

Good on Gized for being angry and protective here, particularly in spite of the fact it’s treasonous in the heptarchate. It’s one of those little notes that, with the right prompt, more people could likely be recruited to the rebellion cause. But Jedao is so scared of having his plan exposed and feels so isolated, I’m not sure he lets himself see these things.

Fangmoths.

Fox-and-hunters - a board game or possibly card game.

The scene with Garit :| Jedao was both cognizant of the audience and trying to encourage the outcome where he was NOT told to move ahead with shooting through children and invalids. We see here both that the Lanterners were responsible for disgusting actions themselves and that the Kel protocol and anticipated heptarchate ‘public opinion’ see no issue with what Jedao is ordered to do. All that would have mattered would have been if there was ‘tactical difficulty’.

We also learn Jedao had always wanted children. There’s also some additional information of allowing only ‘the most glancing affairs’ and avoiding forming attachments.

He had a two day and sixteen hour blackout of memory.  Disassociation-based amnesia?  And it puts a lie to what he told Cheris about remembering every terrible thing he’d ever done.

Hellspin Fortress - Jedao can’t recognize the corpse that seems to be Gized. Given some things in NG and in HS, I have some suspicions why that is, when he does put names to others. Also, more disassociation here I think.

The Hellspin massacre was planned and not spur of the moment.  He’d planted ‘bombs and logic grenades’ during prior inspections in preparation.

The hint is there with his perspective on the Deuce of Gears on his Patterner 52 that signs of a ‘healthy ego’ he displays as expected by the Kel, may largely or entirely be a front.  The myth of General Shuos Jedao as they thought he was.

He was suicidal again here, in addition to being largely blank on the emotional front.  He ultimately didn’t kill himself because it would have meant the massacre was pointless.

Kujen must have arranged for the moth to put in at that station for repairs.  He’d noticed Jedao hacking into things.  And here we have confirmation Jedao had learned about Kujen and the fact he was immortal, but that he did not know HOW he was immortal.  He’s already a brigadier-general, so this is after the thing with Khiaz.  Hmm.

”If you wanted to backstab Khiaz, you should have stayed attached to her office.  I mean, from all reports she was very fond of you.” His smile widened when he said that.

Kujen is such utter garbage.

Kujen has realized numerous things: that Jedao wants to bring down the calendar/heptarchate, that he’s been looking for allies, and that he has dyscalculia.

”Nine hundred years ago I invented an allied branch of math to make the mothdrives possible.  No one else has successfully pulled of a major calendar shift.”

Jedao thinks of how Kujen came up with remembrances accompanied by ceremonial torture.  He realizes at this point that ‘torture had been a design parameter, not an unfortunate coincidence’.

Jedao was good at a lot of things in Academy, such as languages.

Kujen’s voice softened.  “You’ve been fighting alone for a long time, Jedao.  You never got close to anyone, no affairs that last longer than a couple of weeks. <snip> But I’m better than nothing at all.  We can do this together.  You won’t have to be alone anymore.”

Did I mention that Kujen is GARBAGE?  

”Just what is it that runs in your veins, Jedao?”

I think this is at the crux of a lot of stuff with Kujen in respect to Jedao.  He’s bored and fundamentally, he doesn’t GET Jedao.  I think it fascinates him on some level, while on another, he wants to make Jedao like himself.

Jedao makes a very hasty decision in this chapter, which I think is a combination of him thinking he can hopefully out maneuver Kujen, but also wanting to not be alone in this, because he IS in a very bad state mentally and prolonged isolation is not good, nevermind all of the other issues he’s struggling with mentally and emotionally.  It has made him vulnerable and I’m not sure he recognizes it at this stage.

Chapter 22

Hellspin was 3 years after meeting Kujen.

The Aughen ‘heretical faction’:  they fought honorably, made few demands, and mainly wanted to be left alone.  Some Kel even became sympathetic and some failed their formations.  ‘After every battle she ended up executing cowards and deserters’.  Jedao thinks of how formation instinct would have gotten more scrutiny if the Liozh were still around when it was brought up, but later, there were not qualms.

The Kel virtue had been loyalty.  Formation instinct deprived them of the chance to choose to be loyal.

He’d thought about going over to the Lanterners, but them using children as shields ended that plan.  He thinks also of the Liozh, who’d explored the idea of democracy, but wonders if Hellspin is actually what triggered that.

Jedao does recognize that the challenge was really: ‘Creating a functioning, stable, sane society from the heptarchate’s ashes.’

Cheris thinks Jedao provoked the attack from Kel Command because they realized he had someone who could handle high-level calendrical rebellion.  I think it was Kujen who was provoked.

Shuos - red cadet uniforms.

Ruo liked picking random fights, out of a ‘sense of adventure’.

There should be Jedao, Yeren, and Ruo fic.  

Yeren taught Jedao a lot of card tricks.  Also she is apparently a second year, while the other two are first years.

Jedao created a game where you scored points by maniuplating people into, for the most part, ‘small’ heresies. These include inverted flower arrangements, which despite being a small phrase suggests she really bad things about any creative expression in the heptarchate.  

The heptarchate’s laws were becoming more rigid as the regime became ever more dependent on the high calendar’s exotic technologies.

Even at 18, he recognized that.

Yeren’s very good at hacking.

Ruo liked fruit candies.

I think it’s notable that Jedao’s reaction to Ruo’s death was to immediately distance himself from it, even though as we can see shortly after, being known as the creator of the game didn’t actually get someone in trouble.  That wasn’t his motivation.  I think this ties back to numerous other things we see from him.

The scene with Sereset tells us that Ruo’s suicide was a catalyst to a plan to bring down the heptarchate. But that Jedao had originally planned to pick a track that made use of a gift for languages.

Jedao’s looked at the ‘numbers’ of heptarchate atrocities and really focused on them, not just blown them off as statistics: Her imagination wasn’t large enough to encompass the deaths, the cities unmade and the books smothered into platitudes, but that wasn’t any reason not to try.

”It wouldn’t be short and it wouldn’t be pretty and you’d end up as much a monster as they are, but maybe it would be worth it to tear the whole fucking structure down.”

HMM.  Okay, he knows the black cradle can lead to immortality here, but not how. Knows there needs to be a reason for the heptarchs to want to bring someone back over and over.

Because she had been weak; because she had wanted to talk.  She wouldn’t make that mistake again.

This is another very sad scene.  He didn’t want to be alone.  We see over and over in the books, in so many ways, he didn’t want to be alone.  That’s how Kujen got to him.  Because what shouldn’t have had to be perceived as a mistake was one, when it was made again with Kujen.

[paperclipninja]

Younger post-ep ramble 6x04

Well now, we’ve hit a rather interesting point in the season now haven’t we? Can you say DRAH-MAH. This week’s episode, ‘An Inside Glob’, sees the tension that’s been mounting in the first three episodes of season 6 reach boiling point. And then boil over. Into a restaurant full of onlookers. Then onto Reddit. Lol. Now I may be biased because of my love of Miriam Shor (or I am simply an appreciator of good directing when I see it), but this week’s ep was so well put together, it felt like there was ample room for each scene to breathe and the pacing overall felt significantly less frantic than it sometimes does. There was a familiarity, for lack of a better word, about the structure and the feel of this ep, not to mention the writing left me legit laughing out loud many times throughout. The writers are bringing it this season. We also see the welcome return of two faves: Charles’ three-piece suit and Liza’s silver-suit power-tude. Let’s dive on in.

You always know it’s going to be a good ep when it opens with a loft heart-to-heart between Liza and Maggie, but not before Liza meets Maggie’s new boo Beth (with Liza’s ‘ew’ and hand wiping after Maggie tells her they just finished a session equal parts gold and gross). Their whole interaction, from the ‘I promise not to call him Chaz’ (was anyone else hoping she would call him Chaz, because I was HANGING for a Chaz drop at dinner. There’s still time...), to Liza sharing her concerns that Charles is secretly financing a new company and Maggie trying to justify all the coincidences and reassure her, it was just premium bff content. Not to mention a great set-up for the episode and follow on from the last one.

Liza continues to try and allay her suspicions about Charles by getting Kelsey’s view of the funding source after the morning meeting with my new fave power-trio (quick poll: Zane always looking like a dog who just ate your pizza - accurate or nay?) and Diana brings the top quality delivery of one liners right from the get-go as we’re introduced to this week’s author, Bronwyn Madigan (aka, the cash cow whose milk Millennial could use...yes, D. Trout, you did need to say that). Apparently baby boomers like to top off their reading of erotica with a good meatloaf (actual meatloaf, get your minds out of the euphemistic gutter) and that is now two foodstuffs I have a strained relationship with following this ep of Younger. Liza is able to quash her spidey senses re: the Mercury money briefly, as Kelsey reveals she’s been doing some digging and discovered the company is operating out of the financial district, therefore obviously it’s a big media company behind it. Obviously...

Lo and behold Kelsey marches her feisty self down to the Mercury office to confront Zane and weaves through hopeful start-up founders in a co-working space to find him (also, are AirPods a pre-req to land a job at Mercury?). Their entire exchange had a couple of ‘whoa’ moments for me. Exhibit A, when discussing how Zane secured Audrey Colbert’s book:

Kelsey: ‘So you slept with her? God, that is completely unethical. And so creepy”

Zane: ‘But it’s fine when you do it?’

File under: T for TRUTH. Not gonna lie, I almost applauded. I would have filed under H for Hypocrite except the next part of the conversation, in which Kelsey throws the accusation that Zane went after Audrey because he knew she was (and I’m with Zane on this one, she is going to need to learn to suck it up when Millennial loses out on books, our pal Kels is on one steep learning curve), followed with, ‘that book was important to me and you knew it’, goes straight to the H folder. How does Zane know it? Could it be because Kelsey told Zane she was going after Audrey’s book? Even after he told her he had a job, that he was just waiting for everything to line up and considering his history of swooping in and being competitive? While they are not fully comparable situations, I found this a bit rich considering the grief Kelsey gave Liza for discussing business with Charles (I get that was her insecurity and feeling he would interfere), when her discussions with Zane have seemingly led him to going after this book. Which is 100% in character for him btw.

I have been liking a lot of Kelsey’s boss moments this season but this week it certainly felt like she was in way over her head. At her lunch with Lauren, yet another combo I thoroughly enjoy on my screen, we once again see Lauren being the relentlessly supportive friend she always is and educating Kelsey on the dos and don’ts of dating apps (surely Kelsey knew that deleting an app doesn’t delete your profile right??? Putting it down to stress amnesia). Pointing out that putting your job title on your dating profile if it is in any way a potential threat to male ego is a big no-no (’this kind of over-accomplishment only works if you’re trying to pick up women’), Lauren offers up that Kelsey suffers from BDE. Of course we later discover that rather than big dick energy, Kelsey is suffering bald dude energy, confirmed by her alopecia diagnosis. I did so enjoy Kelsey’s dramatic reactions, ‘just keep an eye out ok?’, to the whole ordeal and it certainly added another element to the rising tension.

Cue hilarious conversation with Diana about her own battle with hair loss (not on her head) along with the rest of her ailments (shingles seems to be a running theme this season. Did someone in the writers room have a shingles flair up recently after reading a particularly terrible autobiography or suffer month-specific breakouts aka Diana’s electric tube top? Need to know). Even though it was not making Kelsey feel better necessarily, this was Diana being supportive in her own way and I am just here for it every day of the week. I think what I enjoyed most about the office scenes in this episode, aside from every single line that came out of Diana’s mouth, were the moments that were reminiscent of the old office dynamic. From Diana bleating ‘Liza’ as she enters Liza’s office (still can’t believe that’s a thing) with the idea of advertising erotica on the bike kiosks to the sarcasm when Liza asks ‘Bronwyn’s?’ and Diana responds with ‘no, my own’. We finally get to meet author of ‘The Seasoned Slut’ (loving the guest casting this season btw) who oozes a self-assurance that only serves to emphasise her reason for not re-signing with Millennial: that her problem ‘is with the lack of value placed on experience’. Ugh, I loved this line. 

I loved it because it is an absolute reality, especially for women in the workplace, and goes hand in hand with the ageism this show’s entire premise was built upon. I loved it because this show tells us that experience is and should be valued through Zane’s comment in episode one, that Kelsey should not lose Diana as she is the best in the business and Kelsey telling Diana that she values and respects her. And I loved this line because the set-up for this season remains true to the original premise and challenges it at the same time, taking another look at the role age/experience and gender play in success and reinventing yourself. Did I mention I love this show?

Liza’s reaction to the question of ‘where is the grey hair in the room?’ was also noted, a nice reminder that the age-lie is still in play and is never far from the surface. The other thing I loved in the meeting with Bronwyn was Diana’s horror that she a) might be considered the demographic for her books and b) ‘do people think I’m her age?’ I cannot imagine a time I will ever watch this line and not roar with laughter. I also love that that was the main takeaway Diana had from the whole BJ comment this woman just casually dropped in as she exited, you know, as one might mention they know a great bagel place you might enjoy nearby. 

Josh’s parenting journey continues to unfold as he gets his first overnight stay with Gemma, but not before experiencing some kind of parental rite of passage and being squirted in the face with breast milk. I know there is a lot of mistrust of Clare out there in the internet but I will keep saying this week after week, I am so enjoying seeing Josh and Clare navigating this modern-day parenting arrangement together. I appreciate Josh’s desire to be there for both Clare and Gemma in any way he can and I appreciate that Clare appears to be open and wanting the same. I am not the biggest fan of baby storylines in general but I tell you what, to see Lauren pacing up and down cradling this little person, I am 100% pro-baby. This is one of my favourite moments of the whole episode and just when I thought there couldn’t possibly be any more layers to Lauren Heller, I get the up-all-night-with-crying-baby Lauren and I simply cannot: ‘I have been up all night with a crying baby. Why? I don’t know, because the rest of you either don’t have ears or you don’t have souls’. Early contender for line of the season. Kelsey’s bag-of-hair inducing scream finally wakes Josh and Lauren’s reaction, for him to ‘get it together man, Kelsey doesn’t need this’, epitomises Lauren’s selfless nature (which I just love as it seems so contradictory to her sometimes self-absorbed tendencies). It was not because she was up all night with his child, it was that Kelsey was in the midst of a crisis that Lauren needed Josh to pull it together and it just reinforces yet again what a multi-dimensional, caring character she is. And yes Josh, you are the dad, not the babysitter (kudos for this Alison Brown) so you may need to learn to sleep a little more lightly or something FYI.

Kelsey’s hair stress continues to play out as she runs into Maggie, who was also hoping to make a covert pharmaceutical purchase and the two wander back to Maggie’s for the scene I have been looking forward to since the possibility of such a scene came into play. I am of course talking about dinner at the loft and the integration of Charles into the friend circle. Kelsey’s freak out seems to be hitting fever pitch as she asks Beth for advice but this is soon interrupted by the arrival of Charles and Liza, who come bearing blackout cake (which I googled and holy chocolate pudding it looks AMAZING) in the most adorbs coupley entrance and don’t mind me, just having a quiet gush over here. Ok, I’m done. While Kelsey is over chatting with her old boss, Beth puts her naturopathy into practice by suggesting Maggie take a more natural approach to treating her yeast infection, doing some seasoning of her own to let a clove of garlic work its magic. Between jalapeno dick and garlic vag, this show loves to make us consider our spices in a whole new light.

This entire dinner party scene was next level, I want to frame a picture of it and put it on my wall because yes. We have casual, relaxed Charles, who is the first to ask if there is garlic bread on the menu (I love so much that he was the first to smell it) and seriously, from this moment, the unfolding of the garlic saga was nothing short of amazing. Kelsey was so amped this whole scene, she’s like a tightly wound ball and it was palpable. Her interjections as she commented that it smells like an everything bagel and agreement about the garlic knot and escargot were just brilliant contrasts to her otherwise increasing intensity. I so adored seeing Kelsey and Charles interacting casually and seeing what this would (ahem, could have) look like. But Kelsey asking Liza if she’d told Charles about Brownyn Madigan...I’m sorry, but how could she WHEN SHE CAN’T TALK ABOUT WORK WITH CHARLES? This bit made my head hurt a bit. Surely Liza in that moment must have been thinking the same (also Liza’s moment of identifying a garlic knot, so so good). 

What I love most about this scene is that we have Kelsey’s conversation getting more intense by the minute as she jumps from unloading about the stress of work, to Zane and his new venture, before finally climaxing with her ‘who is it?’ declaration, all the while having zero suspicion that Mercury’s investor is sitting right beside her. Side note: I really like Charles’ comment that he’s sure it is business, not personal re: Zane. I think it’s interesting considering the stereotype that women are too emotional vs. men and I’m curious to see how this plays out this season as Kelsey finds her feet. Meanwhile, Charles is trying to have a nice double date with his gf, while also keeping a secret that is the cause of much of the distress Kelsey is sharing with the table, while Liza takes the opportunity to make Charles squirm by pressing the point about the money for Zane’s venture coming from somewhere. It’s such an intricate web and of course parallel to that is Maggie’s secret vagina garlic that has the whole room assuming some kind of paranormal baking is taking place before Maggie responds to Kelsey’s ‘who is it?’ with, ‘it’s me!’ and it was just too much. My reaction was the same as everyone around the table when Maggie announced the source of the garlicky aroma, what a dinner party (and what a way for Charles to avoid any further scrutiny).

I am so glad that the conversation that needed to happen finally did this week and that was, of course, Liza confronting Charles about his involvement in Mercury. Oy, my heart. It broke a little when Liza gave Charles the opportunity to come clean and he didn’t and she had to ask so directly. It was so good to hear these two talking, like properly talking, and Charles explaining that he had to make choices in order to be with Liza but he never wanted to give up publishing for good was great insight into the journey Charles has been on post-Empirical, especially as we really haven’t been privy to that. I felt for both of them at various stages during the conversation. I do believe Liza understands why Charles would want to reinvent himself but I also understand why she would feel so hurt that he would keep such a huge thing from her (although again, they’d agreed not to talk about work at Liza’s request so *insert shrug emoji here*). 

But it does highlight an ongoing issue which I really hope gets properly addressed sometime soon and that is where Liza’s loyalties lie. I think it is unquestionably not ok that Charles set up a rival company while Chairman of the Board of Millennial, for obvious reasons. However, had he told Liza, she would have felt compelled to tell Kelsey, which I have no doubt Charles knows and would expect as she is the publisher, so in not telling Liza he is yes protecting his own interests but also stopping her from being in a compromised position. So while Charles’ secrecy is disappointing, so is Liza’s text to Kelsey the following morning asking to meet before work after Charles asked specifically that she tell no one about him financing Mercury just yet. 

This episode comes to a head at Suffolk House in a most spectacular fashion. Hilary Duff really did knock this entire ep out of the water with her acting, I cannot heap enough praise on her for the entire performance. You just knew it was gonna be good when Liza turned up as Kelsey was intercepting Bronwyn in an attempt to convince her that Zane was a bitter ex-employee (not very professional IMO but we won’t focus on that for now), only to discover that Bronwyn didn’t know Zane from a wart on her butt (delightful). She was in fact there to meet...dun-dun-dunnnnn...Charles (shout-out to the three piece suit, always a welcome sight, did not disappoint)! Kelsey was justifiably angry, however the stark contrast in experience and maturity was well and truly on show as she proceeded to express herself very loudly and publicly, despite Charles and Zane suggesting they step outside. Zane clocked the smart phone filming the entire incident and you just knew that Kelsey’s outburst was going to come back to bite her.

Regardless of whether Kelsey was in the right or wrong, she certainly came off worse in the way she handled it. My favourite part of the scene was Liza FINALLY re-awakening that gutsy silver suit wearing power, her turning and telling Bronwyn that Charles called her books matron lit was this season’s manuscript drop. And thank f-ing god. One of the things I’ve always loved about the Liza/ Charles dynamic is that Liza stands up for herself with him when she doesn’t with so many others and she is not afraid to call him out, which has been missing these past couple of eps. So now that that has been restored, I am legit so excited to see how this relationship moves forward.

The ramifications of the restaurant confrontation are of course trending on Reddit by the next morning, and Liza and Diana have the unenviable job of delivering the news that even though Charles was in the wrong for setting up the company the way he did, he has since resigned from the board and a number of authors are making noise about jumping ship to Mercury (I was going to say that I think Kelsey might have preferred it if her eyebrows actually had fallen off in that moment but I feel like that’s probs false).

The fact that Kelsey and Charles are pitted against one another as publishers and Liza and Zane as editors provides the most glorious opportunity to explore the ideas of reputation vs. experience. vs. gender vs. fresh ideas and I am so here for it, so damn excited, and so sure that whatever ends up playing out this season, it will be nothing that I expect. In the meantime I’m going to compile every Diana Trout line from this episode into a ringtone because what workplace wouldn’t want Diana talking about nutcracker’s oesophagus ringing through the open-plan office?

[wroughtbetwixtfanfic]

Love, Blood, And Rhetoric, Ch 1.

Fandom: The Society.

Summary: Campbell's just trying to survive in the new world. He knows he can make it-- it's everyone else he's worried about.

Rating: Mature.

Tags: Canon Divergence, Mental Health Issues, Family Issues, Substance Abuse, Complicated Relationships, Consent Issues, Antisocial Personality Disorder, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Character Death, Mild Sexual Content, assuming Elle and Campbell are both 18 for the sake of things, Underage Drinking, PTSD, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, implied eating disorder, Fix-It, Campbell has mild ASPD, and is actively trying to not be awful

Word Count: 6061

Part One, Ch 1 || Ch 2 || Ch 3 || Ch 4 || Ch 5 || AO3

Disclaimer: This is part two of a three part series. Reading part one is more-or-less essential.

This is a canon divergent storyline for Campbell, using (in my experience) a realistic take on conduct disorder and ASPD instead of Hollywood "psychopath" stereotypes. While people with conduct disorder can be violent and abusive, the diagnosis does exist on a spectrum, and neither ASPD nor "psychopathy" should be diagnosed before the age of 18; this is one thing that rubbed me the wrong way on The Society. Campbell's power will be more in his ability to manipulate-- not "being crazy". Hopefully I can succeed in presenting a more understandable and less sensationalized vision of his behavior. Please note that I have no intention of making him a violent abuser, to bring his character more in line with my experiences of how an emotionally neglected teen with moderately reduced empathy would behave, provided they were actively attempting to help themselves.

Tl;dr I just wanted to make Campbell less needlessly shitty, because it makes me feel better as a person, and because I wanted one (1) antagonist who isn't just an evil, horrible abuser with a scary mental illness.

Thank you for reading, and leaving kudos/comments/likes. <3 

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The bridge was quiet as a graveyard. It was something out of a science fiction movie, wasn't it? Alice in Wonderland type shit. Something happens, and suddenly the world goes inside out, with people transported to some other dimension. No one had said a damn word, but it was the only explanation that made any sense at all. It looked like home, but it wasn't home. Everything felt a few degrees to the side. Just a tiny bit abnormal. Forests that sprouted up around them overnight. Everyone else in the city, gone. The smell, gone. Gordie was the first to break the silence. "I mean, there's only so many options."

"Maybe we're dreaming," Allie offered. "It's the best option." Campbell rolled his eyes, but held his tongue for Cassandra's sake. They would all have to be dreaming the exact same dream at the same time, and that seemed far less likely than some sort of weird wormhole situation. Harry was sitting on his car hood, with Helena and Luke next to him. He ran his hands through his hair; he was still half drunk, and had no business being there, but there he was and he was freaking out. "Maybe this is just some elaborate fucking game. Like, someone built an exact replica of our town and just put it in the middle of nowhere, and if we just walk..." He paused, waving his hands towards the trees. "Like, this way or that way or any way, eventually we'll get back to the real world." Christ, that was an even worse theory. Campbell sighed. "An exact replica of the town," he pressed, "complete with all our family's cars? Our clothes? Our bathroom towels, posters, jewelry, stuffed animals, the food in our fridges?" "I'm not saying it makes any sense." Crossing her arms, Cassandra leaned against the bridge and frowned. She had that debate team look in her eyes. The look that said she was trying to dissect the situation in her mind. "There was a smell, and then it went away. It came back, and the buses came for us." Harry scoffed. "You're gonna just work this out, Cassandra? Like some logic problem? I mean, not a flicker of a doubt?" "The world doesn't just turn upside down without a reason. We're not in some play-within-a-play. Okay? Clever is not the same thing as true. There is a point to everything, there are answers." "That's right," Helena chimed in. "God doesn't just play games with people for fun." Cassandra clenched her jaw as she looked to Helena, then to Campbell. They had both stopped going to church a long time ago, and Cassandra had been the one to get religious-specific plays banned from school performances. Campbell didn't really believe or disbelieve anything, but he knew Cassandra and Helena had gotten into argument before about all sorts of things. LGBT rights, abortion, gun control... He could see that anger stirring up in Cassandra. It wouldn't be pretty if it got loose. Luckily, Luke seemed to sense the tension and butted in. "All right, look, Grizz and I will get a group together and we'll go hike out here through the woods, okay? Like a search party." Helena nodded. "I think that's a good idea." "Do you think it's safe?" Cassandra asked, frowning. "Yeah," Grizz replied, "sure." Luke tried to smile. "Grizz knows what he's doing. And if there's people out there, we gotta find them, right? You know. To get help." "I'm leaving." Harry got up off the car and headed towards the driver's door. His eyes were glassy, distant. It wouldn't be long before he imploded. "I'm hungry." Allie stood up, glaring. "You're leaving?" Campbell watched the bickering that followed, wondering when-- if at all-- they were going to ask his opinion. But he knew they wouldn't. They never did. If they would have shut the fuck up long enough to bother, Campbell would have told them that the horizon looked a little too clean for a West Ham summer. Too clear. He would have pointed out that there were no planes, no trails even, in the sky overhead. Wherever they were, chances were they were alone. Instead, he focused on his phone while everyone started arguing in full; Elle was trying to call. Can't talk now, he texted. At the bridge with Cassie and others. She replied quickly. Why? What's wrong? Not sure. All roads out of town are blocked. Blocked? We can't get out? Has anyone found our parents? Campbell rubbed his face with one hand. No, we can't. No adults or younger kids yet. Trying to figure out what to do. Oh. A long, long pause. Show me. Whatever was happening, Harry was officially done. His tone sharpened, and Campbell looked up to see him trying to collect Kelly. "You coming with, Kel?" He stood there, staring, when she shook her head. Ouch. Harry hadn't mentioned that they were on the rocks; he was being an unreasonable ass, though. Not a surprise. "Jesus christ, just get in the car." "Leave her alone," Will grumbled. "Hey, fuck off, Will." Harry looked to Campbell, seeking someone to follow him. Campbell just raised an eyebrow. Harry seethed, getting into his car and starting the engine. "Fine. Who gives a shit." He knew Harry would be mad at him for a while, but eventually he'd stop being a selfish prick and come around. Campbell needed to be there, to keep an eye on people and the situation; he needed to hear what was happening, and plan accordingly. If Cassandra couldn't keep herself together and all hell was going to break loose, Campbell needed to be ready. In the mean time... Cassandra blinked at him and he moved to her side, lifting his phone to take a picture of the blocked off tracks and road. "What are you doing?" "I'm just gonna send a text. Let everybody know how fucked we are." "Campbell!" she hissed. "Don't. Come on, let's think about this." But there was nothing to think about. Campbell pressed the send button, and his phone dinged in confirmation. He smiled at the look of horror on her face, sitting down on the sidewalk while he waited for Elle to reply; it wasn't often that he actually felt stronger than Cassandra, or even smarter, but it was one of those rare moments that he saw an opportunity and took it. Hiding the truth from people would only backfire. She'd thank him later, if she had the sense. Cassandra was still moaning over it. "Fuck. Why did you do that?" "Relax, Cassandra. I don't have many people on my contact list." "But they'll share it with their friends. It'll spread." "A slow, steady distribution of information is better than pretending things are fine." "Campbell--" "Look." Setting aside his phone, Campbell turned to Cassandra and held her gaze. "You, me, and like a dozen other people already know. How long do you think it'd be before one of them squealed, huh? Someone would let it slip, at some point. And if you go back into town, telling everyone it's all good when it's not, at some point they'll realize you lied. What do you think is gonna happen when three hundred teenagers stop trusting their student body president, Cassandra?" "I'm not student body president anymore. Harry said so, and it's true." "Harry's a shithead." "Then why are you friends with him?" "Not the point. You're one of the smarter people here. Gordie, Bean, Will, Grizz? They're amazing, but you were the closest thing to a leader we had back home. That doesn't just go away." Cassandra chewed on her lip. "I don't want to be a leader. I'm..." She pressed her hand to her chest. "I'm sick. What if I can't get my medicine?" "Tough shit," Campbell retorted. "Power is in your hands, and if you don't get a grip on it, someone else is going to put you in the dirt. All the medicine in the world won't help you if there's a fucking mutiny." "What do I do, then?" "These kids are gonna get scared, and they're either gonna look to you or they're going to challenge you. Pull yourself together." For a long time, Cassandra didn't speak. She sat next to him and gazed woefully at a small group of teens that were heading their way, some walking and others jogging. They were pointing at the road, and some began shouting. A few began to hover closer to her, looking nervous. "Well. Maybe you're right." "Usually am. Now if you'll excuse me, I have an acquaintance to console." Elle had arrived with the group, staring off the side of the bridge at the tracks. Other kids joined her nearby, and Campbell could hear them whisper as he approached. He was telling the truth. What does this mean? How is it possible? He ignored them, leaning against the railing next to Elle; she didn't look at him, but she leaned a little closer. "This is such bullshit," she said after a time. "What are we supposed to do?" Campbell shook his head. "Whatever is happening, if we're stuck with no way out, then we gotta do what you do in any survival situation. Secure resources. Shelter, food, water." "Should head to the store and grab some shit before people all get the same idea." "Probably, yeah." Elle glanced over at him. "You're pretty calm in all this." "Getting panicked or scared just means mistakes get made." He texted her a small list of supplies. "Go to the store. Bottled water. A lot of stuff can be frozen or dried. Get what you can, we'll figure out how to preserve it later." She nodded, turning and heading towards the closest market. Campbell waited for her to be out of earshot, then headed towards Cassandra, who was talking to Will and Sam. Everyone else seemed to have dispersed. They all glanced at him, but kept talking; Will was discussing the food situation, already, and Will specifically mumbled something about dehydrating and canning. Well, at least Will had some clue, then. "I saved a bunch of YouTube videos," he said, looking sheepish. "I always wanted to be a chef, so..." Campbell kept walking. They already were making plans; they didn't need him any, and he should go make sure that Elle was doing alright. He made it a few yards before Sam caught up to him, grabbing his sleeve to get his attention. "Where are you going?" Sam asked. "To get what I can." Campbell sighed at the way Sam's eyebrows knit together. There was no point in wasting time trying to explain, and besides, he had to make sure Sam wasn't gonna starve to death. "Coming?" There were a few different stores and markets in town, and while there was one close by, Campbell knew of a smaller one run by one of those doomsday prepper types. There wasn't as much variety there, but it did have gallon-sized bottled waters and things like powdered eggs. People went to it for camping supplies, but not much else; it wouldn't be the first place most would think to go to. Sam followed him inside, watching at Campbell began to fill a basket full of supplied. At least he didn't try and argue that it was theft or anything. "What are you getting?" "This is for you. A week of water. Jerky, nuts and seeds. Dried eggs. Dried fruit, some other shit. Keep it in the basement until you need it." "Why a week?" "Because if the utilities go and no one comes for us after a week, they're not going to." He didn't mean for the words to come out quite so grim, but it was useless to sugarcoat things any. "Keep using the water at home as long as you can. If it goes off, use this." Campbell grabbed some for himself, and they managed to weasel the baskets home without being seen. Probably because most of the other kids were at home crying or at the bridge by that point, who knew for sure. At least no one approached them. As they put shit away, Campbell made a list in his head of things in stores that would be in high demand. Toilet paper, first aid kits, batteries, medications, alcohol, anything for hygiene. Bleach, matches, lighters. And knowing his peers, condoms. If he got his backpack and headed out again, he could probably snatch a good stock before anyone else thought of it... Sam sunk onto the sofa once they finished. He tilted his head as Campbell got a couple backpacks, and made another list on his phone. "What are you going to do?" "I have some business to take care of." "Harry?" Maybe it was the comment itself, or maybe it was the eyebrow quirk of Sam's eyebrow, or some sort of tone his brother had. Either way, Campbell's mood soured on the spot. "Don't pretend like you know me." "I don't know you. That's what scares me." There was nothing to say to that, in the end. Campbell stormed out of the house, heading towards the pharmacy first. Most of what he wanted would be there, and the chances of anyone else being there already were slim. To his surprise, when he arrived, someone had already been messing with the lock; they hadn't managed to get in, whoever they were. Campbell slipped his lock picking kit from the backpack and made quick work of it. First was anything addictive, then meds that would be important. The pharmacy had a little book behind the counter that explained what everything was, and Campbell swept through as fast as possible to grab asthma medications, birth control pills, anti virals, whatever looked useful. He paused as he examined the shelves, seeing a prescription for Cassandra. Her heart meds. He tossed it into his backpack, and then found the rest of that medication and stole it, too. Harry's home was close by. Campbell headed there, knowing Harry would let him stash shit there until Campbell convinced Sam to get in line. When he knocked, though, no one answered. Sighing, Campbell found the hidden key Harry had made specially for him; the house was quiet when he came inside, with Harry nowhere in sight. He hid the backpacks in the attic first, then went hunting for his friend. "Harry? You were supposed to be here eating." A muffled sound came from the living room. Campbell found Harry laying curled up in a ball on the floor, under a blanket. "Hey, buddy. You don't look so hot." "Leave me alone, Satan," Harry slurred. "Are you high?" "Maybe." Campbell flopped onto the floor next to Harry, lifting up the blanket to peer in at him. "C'mon. Tell me. What'd you take?" "A xanax. From mom's medicine cabinet." A quick trip upstairs, to peek at the dose. Not worrisome, but definitely more than a beginner should take, and enough to knock Harry on his ass for several hours. Campbell went into the kitchen and made a can of soup. Harry's favorite, split pea with ham. He brought it to Harry and sat on the floor again, tempting Harry with it. Eventually, Harry crawled out from under the blanket and took the bowl. "She dumped me." Harry poked at the green mass. "Kelly. We found out her dad was screwing with my mom, and I don't know. She got pissed off at me." "You do stick your foot in your mouth regularly." "I didn't mean to make her mad. Now we're in this fucking nightmare world, and... what am I supposed to do? I can't do this alone." Campbell resisted the urge to gloat. He'd never really liked Kelly, anyways, and the feeling had been mutual. "Look, you two have been having problems for over a week now. This changes nothing." He reached over, snagging the spoon from Harry's hand and loading it up with soup. "Besides. You're not alone. You have me." Harry didn't fight as Campbell fed him the soup. "You know what I mean," he said through a bite. He suddenly stopped, swallowing and sinking his face into his hands. "Maybe you don't. Christ." "You're hung over and high. Eat your soup and we can talk later." He muttered under his breath, but Harry listened anyways. Campbell put on a movie, chilling while Harry ate; when Harry was done, he slumped against Campbell and fell asleep. Well, at least he couldn't panic if he was passed out cold. Hours passed. Harry eventually woke up enough to stumble into the shower and clean himself up, while Campbell made them grilled cheese sandwiches. Harry had just returned when their phones began to buzz. "It's from Cassandra." Campbell slid Harry a sandwich. "She wants us to get to the church as soon as possible." Harry shook his head. "Man, fuck her." "Quiet. She knows what she's doing." "Do you seriously believe that?" "Yeah, I do." Harry didn't say anything, but he tightened his jaw, and Campbell saw something in his eyes that planted another seed of worry. Rebellion. Fucking hell, it was starting already. Campbell headed towards the bathroom while Harry got dressed; it was a quick detour to the bedroom of Harry's parents, where Campbell knew Harry's mother kept a gun. The case wasn't locked. The ammo was right there. Thank fuck Harry never had the inclinations to kill anyone. Campbell made sure it was unloaded, then stuck the gun in his waistband and the ammo in his pocket, before heading back out. Harry was waiting on the porch, and they hopped in his car and made their way to the church. By the time they got there, people were starting to gather, but it was mostly empty still. Cassandra was standing by the water fountain, leaning against the brick wall and taking deep, slow breaths. Harry went on inside without waiting. Campbell hung back, sidling up to Cassandra when no one was paying attention. "I can't do this," she whispered. "I can't." Campbell nudged her shoulder with his own. "It's gonna be okay, somehow. If it makes you feel any better, I knocked over the drug store and stole you a few months worth of your heart meds." "You... What. No, no, nevermind. I don't want to know." "You're welcome. But seriously, just chill out. What are you even talking about?" Cassandra ran her hands through her hair. "Luke texted Helena. Helena texted me. We got ahold of everyone on the buses, but people all keep asking me what's going on. You were right. People are looking to me, and I don't know how to lead them." Campbell shrugged. "We're kids, okay? Most of us aren't used to living in the real world. They're gonna be worried about things like resources and safety. Guide them a bit towards ways to get or keep that, and they'll follow." "But why would they take my word for it? I have maybe five friends, Cam. There's over two hundred people coming, and I don't know how to trust them, or get them to trust me." Trust wasn't something Campbell was familiar with, but he knew no one would trust Cassandra if they saw her as weak. And if Cassandra didn't believe in herself, then weak was exactly how she'd come off. Cassandra had been tempered by her love for her family and friends. It was sweet, it was good, but sweet and good wasn't going to get shit done. The people in their town only understood wealth and power. But it was too late to talk more; dozens of people were heading their way, and Campbell knew better than to be seen lingering around Cassandra too long. He took a seat in the back, far from the Cassandra and her little herd. Sam was there, surrounded by Allie, Becca, Gordie, and Will. His actual, chosen family. Even Harry was up there, and Kelly. He felt a small stab of jealousy, but bit it back as soon as it reared its head. It'd do no good. "You could join them." Campbell glanced up at Elle's voice. She stood in the church aisle, watching him. "No, that wouldn't be a good idea. I don't want to be a public relations nightmare for my cousin." "Stay away from the alcohol, and you'd probably be fine." "Elle..." "No, Campbell, whatever you're about to say just don't bother. The best thing you can do is promise never to do that again, and then keep that promise, okay?" "I can do that." "Are you sure?" "Yeah." Campbell hesitated. He hated making promises, because he knew he could be unreliable and he hated breaking promises just as much, but Elle was worth the effort. "I promise." Crossing her arms, Elle looked down at the floor. "Alright. Well, Kelly invited me to sit with her. I'll let you know if they say anything good." She didn't wait for an answer. Elle peeked back at him as she headed up front; he tried to smile at her, and she didn't really smile back, but it was a start at least. Campbell turned his focus to the crowd in the church and their quiet whispers. Many were scared. A few were angry. Most just seemed confused. As time passed, they became restless. At least, that was until Cassandra stood, and began to speak. She stood in the center of the stairs leading to the podium. "Listen. Hey, listen up." Silence fell over the church. Cassandra continued, her voice shaking at first, but becoming louder and clearer as she carried on. "While we're all here, together, there are some things that we ought to figure out. Before we rip this place apart and maybe... you know, start hurting each other." She paused as quiet murmurs spread through the gathered students. "I don't know what the hell is going on. Maybe Luke will come back with some good news." Elle spoke first, her tone annoyed. "Maybe? Of course he will." "Yeah," Harry agreed. "Why don't we just wait and see, Cassandra?" Cassandra sighed. Her eyes darted to Campbell, for just a split second. "Because I would rather prepare for the worst before the worst happens." "What does that mean? Prepare?" Kelly wondered. "I don't know specifically, but I think it means we agree not to just take things when we want until all the food is gone and we starve." The murmurs turned into a panicked rumble. Campbell winced, but Allie, Clark, and Helena loudly agreed with Cassandra, and that seemed to quell the surge of fear... until Harry opened his goddamn mouth, just as Campbell knew he would. "This is bullshit." Will's back was to Campbell, but he could heard the disbelief in Will's voice. "Jesus, man, what is your problem?" "What are we agreeing to, Cassandra?" Harry turned to Cassandra, ignoring Will completely. Some of the students waiting in the pews began to yell in agreement with Harry. "Which one of us gets to decide who gets what? Your friends?" Becca let out a huff. "It's called democracy." "I'm not a fucking idiot, Becca." That was debatable, Campbell thought, but he kept quiet. At least for the time being, to see how things would play out. At least Cassandra seemed to have a handle on things, for the time being; Harry was getting flustered, especially when Cassandra brought out the coin she'd kept from the play. "How do you want to decide things?" she challenged. "Every person for themselves? Then we're back to where we started. Maybe you want to flip a coin to see who decides? You don't like democracy? How about random fucking chance?" Harry scoffed. "That's--" "Call it, Harry. Call it." "I'm not gonna do that." "Okay, okay. I'll call it for you. You get heads." Cassandra flipped the coin. "Tails. Still think it's unfair? Best two out of three. Oh! Tails." "I... I mean..." Cassandra flipped a third time, but this time, her face fell. "Tails." Harry looked frozen. The church had become so quiet, it was like no one was even breathing. Harry was thinking back to the play, and Campbell knew everyone else was, too. "Do it again." Four more times, Cassandra flipped the coin. Tails, tails, tails, tails. Harry stepped back from Cassandra, eyes wide. "Fuck." For a moment, Cassandra paused. She stared at the coin, and flipped it again; she closed her eyes, her hand over the coin for a long moment before she finally looked. "Heads." She held up the coin, and the crowd let out a long sigh of relief. She turned her attention back to them, lifting her voice once more. "It's all up to us. There's no civilization here, not until we start one. So what are we gonna do? First, I think we have no choice but to share. Share food, share resources." "Houses?" Harry asked. "Maybe." "Fuck you." Allie stood up. "Really? How much electricity do we have? Until it's all used up and everything goes dark? I think 225 people in 200 houses doesn't make sense." 239, but who was counting. "Keep what's ours!" some random fuckhole shouted from the other side of the church. "What is yours?" Cassandra questioned. "Do you have money? Who you gonna pay? The things that you need to live-- food, clothes, the stuff in stores-- no one owns them." Will and Harry erupted at one another over housing, and Campbell sighed, leaning back and closing his eyes. They were snapping and snarling, and the mood in the church was getting tense. Will on one side, arguing for Cassandra's view that there should be rules, organization, a method. Harry on his own side, screaming about how he should get to do whatever he wanted. Campbell understood. Harry was afraid, afraid of losing what was his and the comfy little life he had for himself. The big house and big bed and things were all he really had, in his mind. And well, men in general weren't great with sharing, were they? But Campbell knew history sided with people like Will and Cassandra. Capitalism, mine-mine-mine, greed. It never fared well in situations like the one they were in. No, they needed rules. They needed some sort of system, where everyone had an equal portion of things. And they had such a small, small window of time to get things going and working, before it all fell into chaos. Harry was yelling at Cassandra, getting ready to storm off like the entitled rich boy he was. Great. "I don't have to listen to this. Not anymore." "Harry, this has nothing to do with you," Cassandra snapped. "We need to--" "I don't need to do anything you say, you fucking--" Campbell had been busy loading the gun while the two argued, with the rest of the students starting to stand up and scream back and forth, too. He stood, pointed at the back wall's roof where it wouldn't hurt anyone, and fired a single round. The angry screams turned into screams of panic as everyone hit the floor. Some started crying, but everyone was staring at him, and no one was speaking. "Well..." Campbell took to the center aisle, walking towards his cousin. He had to act fast, before anyone recovered and tried to stop him. "Fuck this. Harry's right." Cassandra's mouth dropped open. "What?" "No one elected you king, cousin. Did anybody vote for her? Did they?" Campbell stopped in front of Cassandra and gestured to the cowering teenagers on the floor. "Anybody elect her to speak on your behalf? No?" "I... I don't want to be king." Campbell stared hard at Cassandra. She was stuttering. Oh, it wouldn't do at all for her to look like this in front of the people she was trying to rally. He cocked the gun again, but this time, he pointed it at Cassandra. There was no bullet left in the gun, but she didn't know that. No one did. "That's not what it looks like. Is it?" Allie jumped in front of her sister, glaring daggers at Campbell, but Cassandra gently brushed her aside. Something flickered to life in her eyes. Something courageous. Self-sacrificing. "I've thought a lot about dying. I've almost gotten used to that. But I don't like to be afraid." Cassandra looked down the barrel, then met Campbell's gaze. If she had any idea of the hand he was playing, she didn't give it away. She simply stood tall, steeling her voice and not flinching a bit. "Do you want chaos? Fucking shoot me." And there she was, the Cassandra he loved. Campbell chuckled, lowering the gun and giving her a little smile. "I don't want to shoot you. I wanted to get everybody's attention." Just one last part of the plan to put into place. "This meeting's obviously over. We'll be back when Luke gets here. Until then, if anybody else is tired of listening to her, you can follow me." Campbell turned and headed towards the door, knowing Cassandra would be watching and counting each and every person who left with him. She would know their names. Their faces. She would know exactly who was siding against her. Once he got to the exit, he glanced behind him. It was a good sign. Harry and Kelly. Seven others, of various genders. A tiny, tiny minority, and no threat to Cassandra at all. She would be safe. But then the church doors swung open with a bang, and Campbell fell back. Everyone did. Luke walked in, flanked by Grizz, Bean, Gwen, and the others that had gone out into the forest. In Luke's arms draped Emily's pale, limp body. Gasps and noises of despair rippled through the crowd, and everyone parted to allow Luke access to the table at the front of the room. Grizz cleared the table, and they all stood around, staring. Some started to cry. Some tried to check for her pulse. She was dead. It was clear the minute Luke came in. Campbell had never really known Emily, so he stayed near the door, letting everyone else have a chance to see her for themselves. Closure or whatever. "She died from a snakebite," Luke called out. "Her whole body just shut down. We did everything we could, but we couldn't save her." Grizz spoke when Luke sank to the floor. His voice was flat, cold. Practical. "So we're gonna bury her tomorrow, before it starts to smell. I'm gonna need a couple of guys..." "There's nothing out there, guys. Just a whole bunch of just... woods that go on forever. We're all alone. This isn't our home." This isn't our home. Those four words were all it took to shift everything. He looked to Sam, his thoughts already spinning. His little brother was huddled with Allie, Cassandra, and Becca, and Campbell could practically smell the fear on him. Alone. Sam didn't trust Campbell, and now they had to be alone together? They had to try and survive together? It wasn't going to work, not like this, especially when-- not if, but when-- things started getting cutthroat. Campbell was too bitter, too hateful, and he knew he wouldn't be able to handle the stress of worrying about them both. Especially if Cassandra expected people to start sharing houses. There was no way Campbell could do it. He would hurt someone, at some point. In the end, it was for Sam's own good. Campbell knew he, at some point, would snap. He would destroy Sam. He wouldn't want to, or even mean to. But if they were on their own, trapped, it'd be like too many rats in too small a cage. They'd turn on each other someday, and Campbell knew he would always save himself, without hesitation. Sam deserved better than that. So... Campbell eyed Cassandra and Allie as they walked past, heading to their home. They had already opened their home to Will. Safety in numbers, right? And Cassandra loved Sam. Allie was protective of her family. Sam trusted and loved them, too. They could keep him safe. They would take care of him, and sacrifice their own needs for him if it came down to it. They could be the home Sam needed, even if it was just for a little while. Campbell just had to hope that Sam was angry enough inside, hurt enough by years of distrust and backbiting between them, that he'd be happy to leave. He grabbed Sam's arm as Sam followed after their cousins. Campbell kept his face calm, his voice neutral. Maybe it would be simple. No need to get nasty about it, if Sam would go willingly. "Hey. Don't come home tonight." Sam tensed. There was hurt in his eyes, and the smallest glint of stubbornness. He was angry, but not angry enough. Not yet. "It's my house, too." Campbell studied Sam's face, choosing to dig a little deeper. Something more painful was going to be needed, obviously. "Ever since you were born, I never had just one day that was mine, until now." It was the truth, anyways. It had been the Sam Show from day one, and it was no secret that Campbell resented Sam for it. "Alright?" Sam stared Campbell down, not saying a word. Not at first. Finally, he shook his head. His voice was low. Pained. But he didn't look away from Campbell, not even a little bit. "No." So, that's how it was going to be. "Give me the key, you little fag." He had never called Sam that before, or anything like it. He'd busted plenty of people's lips for less. It felt dirty on his tongue, but it was the one thing that Campbell knew would hurt Sam past the point of forgiveness. And if that didn't work... Campbell shot his hand out and scruffed Sam like a petulant kitten, digging his fingers hard into the back of Sam's neck. "Give me the key." Shock was the first emotion that crossed through Sam's expression. Campbell had never laid his hands on Sam before, either. He'd never needed slurs or physical violence before. But persuasion wasn't working, and maybe shock was exactly what Campbell needed to bring Sam's rage to the surface. It worked like a charm; the fury finally arrived, hurt transforming into a deep, crushing hatred. It was the same hatred that Campbell had seen in Sam the night Oliver was found dead, and fuck, it wasn't what Campbell wanted to see. But it had to happen now, before it happened later. Before Sam got hurt worse. Sam handed over his key to the house, then shoved Campbell hard and walked away. Campbell watched him go. Sam didn't look back. Good. It stung more than Campbell had expected, in some weird, dull way, but it was necessary. Wasn't it? Sam would be with Allie and Cassandra, where it was warm and welcoming and loving. Campbell would be on his own, away from anyone he could easily hurt, with time and space to figure shit out. When he got home, it was dark. He turned on the lights, turned on some music. There was cold cheese pizza still in the fridge; he ate it, not bothering to heat it up first. It was late, and he was tired, but there was a restlessness in him that wouldn't let him sleep. He ended up standing in the living room a bit past midnight, with the lights turned off and just a little bit of moonlight streaming in through the windows. He'd turned off the music, and it was quiet. Perfectly quiet, like he'd always fantasized about. No one to interrupt him, no one to scold or condemn him or look at him funny, or bother him with questions or requests, no one to have to pretend around. Happy, relaxed, carefree... Quarantined. Campbell sat in the middle of the living room sofa, emptiness settling over his shoulders like a frigid, heavy blanket. For the first time in years, he cried.

[4stars-uswnt]

Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes [Tierna Davidson x Reader]

requested by anon: Idk if you’re taking requests or not but could you do a tierna x reader where reader’s kinda reserved and the team doesn’t know her super well but her and baby t just bond together and one gets the courage to ask the other out. And maybe they like hide their relationship just to mess with the team or something cause they were trying to set them up. If not then it’s perfectly fine. You’re a great writer!!

A/N: thanks anon! i honestly don’t know how this got so long... oops

You hesitantly make your way down the aisle of the bus, unsure where to seat, given that this was only your fourth camp and you didn’t necessarily have a designated seat.

Spotting an empty spot next to Tierna, you sheepishly ask, “Hey, is anyone sitting here?”

“Nope,” she gives you a kind smile, glancing up from her phone. “Go ahead.”

“Thanks,” you mumble, a small smile of your own tugging at your lips.

As you’re putting in your ear buds and turning on your music, Tierna curiously watches you. “So how you liking the team so far?”

“I love it. It’s honestly better than I could’ve imagined. Everyone here is so nice and welcoming and so willing to teach,” you ramble slightly nervously, scratching the back of your neck.

Ever since you’d gotten your first call up last year, your nerves hadn’t calmed down at all. You were a naturally reserved and quiet person, but being around the best players in the world only intensified your nervousness.

Given your shyness, none of your teammates knew that much about you. The only one who knew anything about, apart from your position, your hometown, and where you currently reside, was Alyssa. The veteran goalkeeper had taken you under her wing when you went pro at just nineteen and joined the Red Stars. The two of you immediately bonded, forming a sort of big sister-little sister relationship, as you were both so similar in the way you carried yourself on and off the field. So when you got your first national team call up, Alyssa was the one to show you the ropes and help you make the transition.

And although you played on the same NWSL team as Tierna, you’d never actually had a real conversation with the other woman, so neither of you knew each other at all.

“Yeah, it’s an incredible environment,” the defender agrees. “It really does become like one giant family.”

“Hopefully, I’ll stick around long enough to become a part of that.” You anxiously chew your lip. Being on the national team has been a dream of yours ever since you could remember, and now that you are presented with the opportunity, you were scared you were gonna do something to mess it up.

“I have a feeling you will,” Tierna muses, smirking. You can’t tell if she’s flirting with you or if she’s just being nice, but either way your face flushed red.

The three hour bus ride went by seemingly quick, as you and Tierna engaged in an easy flowing conversation, talking about topics ranging from the basic introductions to the incredible cinematography of The Queen’s Gambit.

You find yourself becoming increasingly comfortable and relaxed around the other woman, and you feel this is the start of a wonderful friendship.

—————

After a quick team meeting upon arriving to the hotel, Vlatko starts to announce roommates and distribute room keys.

“Tierna and (Y/N),” he calls out, giving Tierna two key cards.

“Looks like we’re roomies,” she beams, as she hands your key.

“Looks like it.” You grin, excited at the idea of spending more time with the defender.

Both of you were pretty tired, especially after a long day of traveling, so you each quickly jump in the shower and change into your pajamas.

As you slide into bed, Tierna, already under the covers, grabs the TV remote. “Anything you wanna watch?”

“I’m fine with anything.” You shrug, as you pull the blankets over your body. “Have you seen the docuseries on Netflix about the Challenger?” You ask, remembering her passion for space and aeronautics.

“I haven’t,” Tierna gasps. “Can we watch it?”

Your heart warms at the sight of her pure eagerness. “Of course! I’ve been meaning to watch it for a while too.”

You quickly set up your laptop, connecting it so that your screen projects onto the TV.

As the episode progresses, Tierna spits out additional facts about the Challenger as well as NASA itself, and you can’t help but listen in awe and admiration.

The two of you barely make it through two episodes, as the hours of travel catch up to you and sleep takes over.

—————

It was the last day of camp, and you and Tierna had grown quite close, bonding over being the youngest on the teams as well as your similar interests.

You’d discovered that, when not playing soccer of course, you both enjoyed going on hikes, reading with a cup of coffee, and also relaxing at the end of the day with a good TV series.

She’d also given you some insight on how she adjusted to being on the national team at such a young age, something you were having trouble doing. It’s not that your skill level wasn’t up to par; you were just finding it difficult to put yourself out there and connect with the rest of the women. And just maybe your newfound friendship with Tierna would be just what you needed to open up to the rest of the team.

Over the past couple of days, as you’d gotten to know the defender, you couldn’t develop feelings for the other woman.

So here you were, packing up your hotel room, as you worked up the courage to ask Tierna out. At the moment, the freckled woman was currently rambling about some new book she’d found, but you were to stuck in your own head to really pay attention.

“(Y/N)?” Tierna pulls you out of your thoughts.

“Huh?” You shake your head, turning to see an amused smile on Tierna’s face.

“Did you hear anything I was just saying?”

“Umm, yes?” You try sheepishly.

Tierna rolls her eyes. “Yeah, right. It’s alright. You can make it up to me by reading the book I was talking about. And by the way it’s about a depressed neuroscientist at Stanford.”

“Sounds peachy,” you groan, earning a chuckle from the defender.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?”

“Nothing,” you mumble, shrugging.

“Come on, what’s bothering you?” She asks, as she sits down next to you, lightly elbowing your side.

You take a deep breath, gathering all the courage in the world, before asking, “Would you maybe wanna go out sometime? Like grab some coffee or dinner when we’re back in Chicago?”

Tierna stills, her eyes widening, as her brain tries to process your question. “What?”

“I’m asking you on a date, T,” you clarify, feeling a new wave of confidence take over. “Do you wanna go out with me?”

A gigantic grin breaks out Tierna’s face. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

—————

About six months later, you’d received another national team call up, and so had your girlfriend.

After last camp, you and Tierna went out to dinner at a restaurant back in Chicago, and from then on, you began dating. It helped that you both played for the Red Stars, getting to spend more time together and not having to worry about the trouble of a long distance relationship.

However, the two of you decided to keep your relationship under wraps, not feeling the need to announce or flaunt it. In fact, in public, your relationship didn’t really change, and to most people, it looked as if the two of you were just best friends.

But Alyssa had known you well enough to see that you definitely had a crush on the younger defender, and to be fair, you did, but the goalie didn’t know that you were already dating.

The Red Stars training before the national team players left for camp, Alyssa decided to see if anyone else shared the same suspicions.

“Hey, J!” she calls out, catching up to the blonde midfielder.

“What’s up, Lys?”

“Do you think there’s something between (Y/N/N) and Tierna?”

“What do you mean?” Julie furrows her brows, confused.

Alyssa gives her friend a pointed glare, nodding her head in the direction of where you were leaning your head on Tierna’s shoulder, giggling at something your girlfriend had said.

“Ah, I see,” Julie muses, nodding her head in realization. “Are they together?”

“Nope, at least I don’t think so. I’m sure (Y/N) would’ve mentioned something.”

“Well, should we help them get their head’s out of the butts and try and set them up?” The midfielder proposes.

“Camp is this weekend…” Alyssa smirks, as the two women share a knowing look.

“Kelley’s gonna have a field day with this,” Julie chuckles.

—————

After morning training the next day, the team split off into groups, as they head into town to grab a bite to eat, do some shopping, or just walk around the streets of Santa Barbara.

A group of the veterans decided to try out a cute little cafe they’d seen. As they were all sitting around the table, sipping their coffee and eating some pastries, Julie decided to bring up the subject of their two favorite team babies.

“So, have you guys noticed anything going on between (Y/N) and Tierna?”

Conversation stopped, the entire table going silent.

“Wha?” Kelley asks, her voice muffled by the food in her mouth. “(Y/N/N) and Baby T?”

“Kel, please swallow your food,” Christen requests, cringing at the defender.

“Sorry.” The freckled woman gulps down her bite of her croissant. “But Tierna and (Y/N)?”

“You don’t see it?” Alyssa raises her eyebrow, surprised that she might be the only one who saw the chemistry between you two.

“Aren’t they just best friends?” Tobin chimes in on the conversation.

“That’s what people always said about you and Chris until they got their heads out of their asses,” Ash snorts, pointing between the two forwards.

“Fair point.”

“Now that I think about it,” Christen hums. “They do act very couple-y.”

“And Tierna is really the only one that (Y/N) hangs out with, besides Alyssa,” Pinoe points out, as the others nod in agreement.

“True, though she is warming up to the rest of us,” Julie lightly argues.

“So do we have a plan?”

The rest of the table just stares blankly at Kelley, who rolls her eyes.

“A plan to get them together?” She clarifies, as if to say ‘duh.’

“Well, that’s what I thought we could discuss.” The blonde midfielder suggests, sparking the discussion of how to get the two youngsters together.

Meanwhile, as the veterans were scheming, you and your girlfriend were taking a walk along the beach, your hands laced together, as your bare feet sunk into the sand.

“I hear you might start in the match versus England,” Tierna smirks at the shy blush that creeps up your neck.

You duck your head and brush a loose strand of hair of your face. “I don’t know. Our midfield is already so stacked, so I don’t know why Vlatko would start me.”

“Hey.” Tierna stops walking, stepping in front of you, halting your movement as well. “Don’t sell yourself short. You’re a phenomenal player, one of our best middies, at only twenty-one years old I might add.”

“You have to say that.” You bashfully roll your eyes. “You’re my girlfriend.”

“That I am,” Tierna proudly states, as she kisses your cheek. “But seriously, (Y/N/N), you’re amazing and you’re here for a reason. Don’t ever doubt that.”

“Thank you, babe.” You lean in to give her a chaste kiss before bringing her in for a hug.

The two of you decide to walk back up to the sidewalk and sit on one of the benches that overlook the beach. After a couple of minutes of peaceful silence, you remember something Alyssa had mentioned to you a couple days ago.

“I think Lys might know we’re dating.” You raise your head from your girlfriend’s chest to look up at her.

“Hm,” Tierna hums, not looking concerned or fazed, only curious. “Did she something to you?”

“The other day she asked me if I had feelings for you.” You snuggle back into your girlfriend’s body, comforted by the fact that she didn’t seem to be freaking out about the possibility of one of your teammates knowing. “Well actually, her exact words were: ‘Do you have a crush on Tierna?’”

“And what did you say?”

“I said ‘yes,’” you mumble, your cheeks tint pink.

“What was that?” Tierna teases.

“I told her ‘yes’ I have a crush on you.”

“Aw, babe,” she coos, tapping your nose. “I have a crush on you too.”

All you can do is scrunch your face and stick out your tongue at your girlfriend and her antics.

“Do you think we should tell the team we’re dating?”

“Words probably gotten around that you have feelings for me, and seeing how we’re ‘best friends,’ knowing them, they’re already probably devising a plan to get us together.” Tierna shrugs, lightly chuckling.

Though you hadn’t been on the team as long as the defender, you knew she was most likely right.

“Well, who are we to stop their fun?” You say with a small smirk on your face.

Your girlfriend raises her eyebrow at you, surprised by your uncharacteristic boldness and mischievousness.

“Whatever you say, babe.” Tierna softly kisses the top of your head.

The two of you spend the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other’s presence, the calm waves crashing in the background, before you have to return to the hotel for team dinner.

—————

As you and your girlfriend were off on a brief romantic walk, the rest of the team, who had been recruited by the Kelley, had been finalizing their plan to set you and Tierna up on a date, so you can confess your feelings.

“So,” Kelley, the leader of this operation, announces. “Tomorrow, when we have dinner off, Alyssa, you’ll ask (Y/N) if she wants to grab a bite to eat, and Casey and Abby, and whichever youngsters wanna tag along, will bring Tierna out to dinner.

“The rest of us will grab a table in the backroom so we can see them without being seen. Everybody got it?”

They all nod along, voicing their agreement.

“Awesome,” Ash cheers and claps her hand together. “What do you think Lys?”

“I think it’s good, hopefully it works.” Alyssa nods, quickly glancing at her phone. “I also think we better head back for dinner before Vlatko sends out a search party.”

The rest of the women check the time, their eyes widening, as they all scramble out of their seats, rushing to make it back in time for team dinner.

—————

The next day, at the end of training, many of your teammates, mainly Kelley and Sonnett, were anxious about their upcoming blind date they’d set up for you and Tierna.

“Gosh, I don’t know how I didn’t see it before,” Kelley groans dramatically, watching from across the field, as you and your girlfriend were leaning on each other, laughing at something you’d said.

“How can they be so oblivious?” Tobin shakes her head, following her friend’s gaze.

“That’s rich coming from you,” Megan snorts, as she approaches the two women.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Chris had heart eyes for you for like three years before you actually noticed.”

“That’s different,” Tobin protests, earning a laugh from her two teammates.

“It’s really not.” Kelley clasps the forward’s shoulder, giving her a sympathetic smile.

“But we’ve learned.” Pinoe boasts with a pointed look.

Tobin just tilts her head and furrows her head in confusion, not following along.

“Oh, Toby.” The freckled defender slings her arm around Tobin’s shoulder, as they make their way back to the bus. “After being tortured by you and Press’s oblivious pining for many many years, the team collectively decided that when two teammates develop obvious feelings for each other, we’d put our own dignities aside and get them together.”

“Hence, our dinner plans for Tierna and (Y/N),” Megan finishes.

“You guys are all crazy,” Tobin says with a light-hearted roll of her eyes.

“Yeah, but you love us,” Kelley chirps before skipping off to catch up with Alex on the bus, leaving the two forwards chuckling at their teammates playful behavior.

—————

After hopping out of the shower and getting dressed, you decide to text Tierna to see if she wants to grab some dinner.

(Y/N/N):

Hey, you wanna grab some dinner?

I think I saw a taqueria that looked good :)

T 🤍 :

Sorry, babe :/

Casey already asked me to get dinner with  Abby  and Sam.

(Y/N/N):

Aw man, okay.

Stop by after?

T 🤍 :

Of course

I’ll see you later :)

You give the message a heart, before shutting off your phone. As you contemplate what you’re gonna do for lunch, there’s a knock on your door.

“(Y/N/N),” you hear Alyssa’s muffled voice. “It’s Alyssa.”

“Come in!” You call back.

The goalie saunters into your room and plops on your bed. “You wanna grab some dinner?”

“Yeah,” you beam. “I saw a Mexican place downtown that looked good.”

“Hmmm, I had tacos for dinner last night,” Alyssa hums, pretending to think it over, even though she already has a restaurant in mind. “Tobin mentioned a good Japanese place they ate yesterday. We could try that?”

“I could go for Japanese,” you agree. “You wanna head out now?”

“Yeah, I’m down.” Alyssa jumps up from the bed, as you gather your things, following her out the door.

The two of you make light conversation, as you walk through the streets of Santa Barbara, enjoying the warm evening air.

Upon arriving at the restaurant, the hostess leads you to a table by the window, but as you sit down, Alyssa remains standing.

“I just have to run to the bathroom real quick,” she tells you. “If they come by to order drinks, could I get a lemonade?”

“Of course.” You nod, before scanning the menu.

While you think Alyssa is going to the restroom, she is actually going to text Casey that you’re sitting at the table near the window.

After a couple minutes, you hear footsteps approaching, which you think is the waitress coming to take your drink order.

“Hey, funny seeing you here.”

You immediately snap your head up when you hear your girlfriend’s voice.

“T, what are you doing here?” You ask, obviously quite surprised, as Tierna sits down in the chair across from you.

“Well, I was supposed to meet the girls here, and they just they’d be at the table by the window,” she chuckles amusedly. “Obviously our teammates are setting us up, not that I’m complaining.”

You roll your eyes at the teasing smirk on your girlfriend’s face. “Yeah, Lys brought me here for lunch. I didn’t think it was in her to be a part of their little matchmaking plans.”

“Alyssa is full of surprises.” Tierna shrugs, as she picks up the menu to look at it for herself.

“Aint’ that the truth,” you laugh.

As the two of you sit in a comfortable silence, deciding what you wanted to eat, you spot a familiar head of purple hair out of the corner of your eye.

“I think we’re being spied on,” you whisper, leaning forward in your seat.

“Huh?”

“Pinoe’s pink hair is a dead give away,” you slightly nod your head towards the back room of the restaurant.

Tierna turns her head to subtly scan the room, and then lets out an amused chuckle. “So how are we gonna play this?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, since they’re watching us, do we wanna play into their hands or should we mess with them a little?”

“We could do a little bit of both?” You propose, earning an impressed grin from your girlfriend.

Before Tierna can respond, the waitress comes by to take your orders.

—————

“What can you see?” Sonnett shouts from the other end of the table.

“Keep it down, Sonny,” Kelley scolds, swatting the younger defender’s arm. “But, P, seriously, what’s going on?”

“They’re just talking, laughing occasionally,” Pinoe reports, as she cranes her neck to see the table in the other room. “From what I can see, no sparks are flying yet.”

“Gosh, this is painful. We need to move them along,” Kelley whines, before her eyes widen and her eyes light up, a mischievous smirk playing on her lips. “I have an idea.”

“Oh no,” Christen groans. “This should be good.”

The freckled defender just waves her hand, ignoring her friend’s comment. “Just you wait and see. This is gonna work.”

The team has to wait a couple more minutes until the waitress comes back to refill their waters for Kelley’s plan to unfold.

“Excuse me,” Kelley calls over to the waiter, briefly glancing at her name tag. “Virginia, could I order some dessert?”

“Of course.”

“I’d like to get one slice of your cheesecake, please. And if I could ask for a favor?”

The waitress nods with a polite smile.

“Would you deliver it to my two friends over there sitting by the window?”

“Aren’t those your teammates?” Virginia turns to see where Kelley’s pointing.

“Yeah, we’re trying to set them up. So if you could just say it’s on the house or something, we don’t really want them to know we’re here.”

The waitress just chuckles, as she shuts her notepad. “Of course.”

“Oh, wait,” Kelley stops her one more time. “If you’re cool with it, maybe you could flirt with one of them, maybe say the cheesecake is from you?”

Virginia pauses for a second to contemplate her options, before ultimately agreeing. “Fine, but only if I can get your friend’s number over there.” She smirks and points over to where Emily’s sitting, sipping on a glass of wine.

“Deal, but only if my friends over there get together by the end of the night.”

Virginia just smirks, as she leaves to continue her job and get a slice of cheesecake.

—————

You and Tierna took advantage of the date your teammates had set up for you, enjoying some delicious rolls and a bowl of udon. Even though your teammates were technically in the backroom watching, you and your girlfriend enjoyed a nice evening to yourselves.

As you’re finishing up your meal, the waitress comes over with a slice of cheesecake and places it down in front of you.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” You move to return the dessert. “I didn’t order any dessert.”

“I know, cutie,” Virginia flirts. “That’s from me, on the house.”

“I- I, um.” You blush, flustered, while Tierna shoots silent daggers at the waitress. “I’m flattered, but I actually have a girlfriend.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” the waitress apologizes, glancing between the two of you. “Is this your girlfriend?”

“Yeah, I am,” Tierna answers, hints of jealousy lacing her voice, as you give a sheepish nod.

“Ah I see,” Virginia observes, amused, knowing that the other group of soccer players were going to be quite shocked. “Well, I’m sorry, again, for hitting on you. Keep the dessert as an apology?”

“Everything’s forgotten,” you amend with a kind smile. “Thank you for the cheesecake.”

As the waitress turns to leave, she suggests, “Maybe you guys can share? I’m trying to win a bet.”

Before you or Tierna can respond, Virginia gives both of you a knowing smirk, as she takes your plates and goes back to the kitchen.

“What does that mean?” You tilt your head and push the plate of cheesecake towards the middle of the table.

“I assume that our teammates probably had something to do with that whole scene,” Tierna guesses, shrugging, as she takes a bite of the dessert. “Mmmmm, but thank goodness they did because this cheesecake is delicious.”

“Oooooo, let me try!”

As you and your girlfriend share the slice of fluffy cheesecake, your teammates were waiting for something to happen.

“Anything?” Alyssa asks impatiently. The goalie had been becoming increasingly agitated, because she had seriously thought there was something between you two.

“Not yet,” Kelley sighs. By now, the rest of the team had lost interest and decided to just enjoy their night out.

“Oh wait!” Pinoe gasps, holding her hand up to get everybody else’s attention. The pink-haired forward watched intensely, as you leaned in closely to Tierna, who was holding out her fork with a bite of cheesecake for you.

“Baby T just fed (Y/N/N) a bite of cheesecake. I repeat, Baby T just fed (Y/N/N) a bite of cheesecake!” Megan exclaims. “It was the last slice, too!"

“And they are totally giving each other heart eyes right now,” Kelley adds, excitedly bouncing in her seat.

After a few minutes, as the team bubbles with anticipation to see what would happen next, Virginia returns to the table with the checks and hands it to Kelley.

“By the way, you owe me your friend’s number.”

“Um, I don’t think so. We don’t know for sure that they ended up together,” Kelley protests, as she passes the checks down the table.

“Yeah, we do, because they’re already together,” Virginia boasts and moves to collect the empty plates, smirking when she sees you and Tierna holding hands, as you make your way over to the team’s table.

“What? No, they’re not.” The defender frowns, not noticing her two youngest teammates.

“Yes, we are,” Tierna simply states, leading you out the backdoor, as you duck your head to hide your flushed cheeks.

“And, thanks for the cheesecake,” your girlfriend throws over her shoulder, leaving your teammates sputtering in shock with wide eyes and gaping mouths.

“Well, that was fun,” you snicker, as you step outside.

“Yeah, it was,” Tierna agrees, kissing you cheek. “Now let’s go have some fun of our own.”

Laughing freely, you relax into your girlfriend’s side. You couldn’t help but feel lighter, like a weight had been lifted from your shoulders, now that the team knew about your relationship, and maybe this is the push you needed to open up to the women who would soon become your second family.

[power-of-ages-writeblr]

11/11/11 Tag (22/11/11? Tag?)

Another one of these! This time, I was tagged TWICE by the wonderful @sassypandacandy (go read her books,, i love them). I’ve gotta answer the questions, come up with my OWN questions, and then tag 11 people to answer, only I’m not going to tag eleven people because I still don’t think I quite KNOW eleven people yet. Also, because I got tagged twice with two different sets of questions, I’m going to answer both sets in one post, and then just come up with eleven questions of my own, because it takes me yonks to come up with questions and I’m lazy. Eso si que es, y’know?

What’s the first thing you remember writing?

A four-page story about a Diplodocus when I was… definitely before I was ten years old. Maybe like five or six. I was very proud of it.

What’s the last thing you wrote purely for yourself?

Actually, I pretty much always write for myself, so the last thing that I wrote/started to write… ooh-er. That’d be the Warrior Cats fanfiction I’ve been working on. :P

Are you a WIP playlist person or a WIP aesthetics person?

Playlist, probably. I tend not to make playlists specifically for WIPs – instead, I’ll assign songs and soundtracks to specific characters and scenes – but I’m still better at throwing together playlists then making aesthetics LMAO

What’s a book you wish you’d written?

Uuuuh… maybe it’s just because I’m young (barely an adult), but I don’t have anything where it’s like “ah I wish I’d used that idea” or “wish I’d written this book”. I still have a lot of writing ahead of me, hopefully, so all my ideas I hope to actually get out some day. (Assuming that’s,,, what the question is asking me)

What’s your favourite book adaptation?

Ironic because it doesn’t follow the books that closely, but I love the How To Train Your Dragon films very much.

Which of your characters would you like to have a conversation with? What would you like to talk about?

The downside to Pandemonium’s Bane being filled with eccentric personalities and cooky characters means that there’s actually few of them I’d LIKE to have a conversation with, because most would be too dickish or too annoying for my tastes xDD That being said, I think me and Plue are on very similar wavelengths, and we have a lot in common (such as both of us wanting to write), so I wouldn’t mind chatting with her for a bit if I had to.

Which of your WIP worlds would you most like to live in?

The Power of Ages stories are mostly set in one universe (the Nimbus System) so I guess I’d have to go with that one by default. There’s Neil’s dimension, I guess, but it’s destroyed, so…

Have you ever written anything inspired purely by a song? If so, what song was it?

I haven’t written anything inspired just by a single song, but I HAVE got certain scenes or character backstories based off of songs, or even the concepts they’re based around. I have a whole battle between brothers planned out to the soundtrack that plays when Shifu fights Tai Lung in Kung Fu Panda, and listening to the Iron Man soundtracks helped me with both the conception of a new character and her placement in my roster (and yes, she does invent things and fly around, although there are also some major differences)

Have you ever written poetry? Do you still? Why or why not?

I… haven’t written poetry. And the reason for that is… I mean, I guess it doesn’t really jibe with me? Granted I haven’t considered it heavily, but it was always my least favourite aspect of learning English at school, and I just never fell in love with it the same way I fell in love with writing conventional narratives.

Who would direct an adaptation of your writing?

I ain’t big on directors, so IDEK. I guess in terms of the rewrite of Maelstrom (my current main WIP) I’d pick Sam Raimi, who proved with his Spider-Man films that he can blend fun superhero narratives with slightly darker elements pretty well.

How do you motivate yourself when you don’t feel like writing?

Mainly by having multiple projects to work on! That way, if I ain’t feeling what I’m working on, I can switch over to another one, and bingo bango, I can keep writing. (Hypothetically. Sometimes it ain’t that simple, obviously.) I also use music, and I also take advantage of being in situations where it’s like, I’d rather write then do the alternative. Do you know how much writing I got done in lessons? So much. :P

What scenes are the worst to write?

The ones that I haven’t planned out – sometimes I have very specific ideas for how I want scenes to happen, and I’m excited to get to them, but other times they’re just obligatory because there’s certain information I have to convey. That makes it a challenge to write it in a compelling way, because why should the reader care if I don’t?

What can you say is a thing you love most about your writing?

I’d say I like the dialogue/character interplay/narrative description-y sort of stuff. I think I’m good at giving everything levity, and keeping it breezy and entertaining even if I myself find the writing process to be a bit of a slog. Plus, it’s funny to read back over, and it’s also funny to watch my discord quote a line and then keysmash at it. :P

What is writing advice that you take to heart?

It’s from Aaron Sorkin’s writing masterclass – the idea that a story is defined by the main character’s INTENTION, the OBSTACLE facing them, and the TACTICS they use to overcome it.

How do you keep yourself from quitting writing together?

Honestly, it’s not like I have to try that hard! By this point I’m desperate to tell these stories that I have in mind, so I have a sort of innate compulsion to write because I wanna get it all out there. I’ll get back to you if that compulsion runs out, but for now, I see myself writing long into the future.

What is the strangest thing you’ve searched up on the internet for writing purposes?

Probably the capabilities of medieval-era people to recognise nuclear technology. (And for the record, the answer is “pretty low”.)

Not a question, but shoutout a writeblr (or multiple) that you think needs to hear that they are awesome and doing a great job (by the way everyone, you all are awesome and doing a great job. Keep it up.)

Well obviously I’m gonna shout out the person who tagged me in the first place – Kels. I await the final(?) book in the DOOT series with great anticipation.

Your OCs are trapped on a deserted island, what would they be doing?

I WANNA say they’d try and work as a team, but, uh. It may not go so well. Dante and Plue would probably be the most practical. Gaia would be good at grunt work but not focus on the task at hand, Rose would be functionally useless but good at moral support, Jacen would try to organise things but Gaia would just push him in the sea for jokes… I reckon they’d escape eventually, I suppose, but it wouldn’t exactly be a clean-cut affair, you know? xD

What is your biggest inspiration for your WIPs?

I actually have various inspirations – I think collectively my biggest inspiration is the MCU, in that it’s a bunch of interconnected stories set in the same universe about different characters and also there are superpowers. xDD

A habit you have when it comes to writing?

Not doing it (thank you writer’s block)

A fact about your world and/or characters?

I have debated killing of MANY of my characters, but have only actually come to concrete decisions one way or the other with a few.

If your WIP/s got turned into a movie or series, what would be the quote on the promotional poster or trailer?

Oh, I’m gonna do this for ALL the WIPs, this seems fun!

Of Encounters and Trysts – Two Hearts, One Soul (or something equally cheesy)

Hit and Run – Even the indomitable aren’t invincible

Maelstrom – Destiny Begins

The Destroyer of Worlds – One Case, One Team, One Superpower

Survivor – It’s every man for themselves

Savants – Not so different

Omnia Vincit Amor – Good things come to those who get traumatised

Cometh the Hour – Six thousand years from home

  Alright, now it’s (finally!) time for my eleven questiones:

1 – Does music help you write, or does it just distract you?

2 – What’s your favourite writing tool? A laptop? Notepad and pens? Quills and inkpot?

3 – Do you have to physically go to places to get a feel for them and feel as though you can set writing in them?

4 – What got you into writeblr?

5 – How well can your OCs dance, do you think?

6 – Do you have a favourite writing snack? If so, what is it?

7 – Bionicle. Thoughts?

8 – Is there a specific piece of media (movie, show, book, w/e) that you could say has been more of an inspiration to you than anything else?

9 – What’s the best soundtrack you know for getting pumped and hyped up?

10 – If you could only write one genre for the rest of your writing career, what would you go with?

11 – What’s your favourite music-based meme? (Examples include “LET’S GO”, “CREEPER/AWW MAN” and “We Are Number One But ___”)

 Tagging… @thelimeonade, and @dawnuchiha!

[lifeofgroffsauce]

Miscellaneous papers spilled from a crisp manilla folder held lax and haphazardly, clattering onto the apartment's hallway floor to cause a groan from the actor. Various safety waivers and film contracts now mixed up and out of the ascending order of dates he'd meticulously placed them in, was a hell of an end to the night. Crouching down to gather them, grumbling irritably as he did, he tried his best to reorganize the mess before knocking on the door.

“Jon Groff! My faaavorite client!”

The shrill ring of his, uncharacteristically drunk, agent Kelly hit his ears. It was her cheery smile that was infectious and suddenly he matched her enthusiasm, despite his previous misfortune seconds ago.  

“Oh my god, you're such a little liar!” He accused playfully then gestured to her relaxed posture against the wood slab that seemed to hold her up, having it half way open. “What are you doing on a Monday night, missy? Don't you have special agent things to be doing?”

Freshly manicured nails, tips too boxy in Jonathan's opinion, tucked a lock of blonde hair behind her ear. He noticed they both suffered the same fate when it came to alcohol flushing their cheeks. Hers, however, wore only a faint blush peeking through her artificially tan skin. “What?! Why are you- did you not get my email?” A gasp fled from her lithe form, soon swatting his arm. “Check your fucking emails more than once a year! Jesus, I sent you an e-vite!”

Just as he rose an inquisitive brow, she swung the door fully open, bright cerleans catching the light of the Brooklyn bridge out of gigantic panoramic windows lining the living room wall. A small group of people congregated about the space, all mingling with each other. They all appeared to be close friends and work connections.

“You're having a party? Oh my goodness,” He laughed almost nervously and mustered up a sheepish grin. “I'm super sorry. I wish I had known! I'll make a better habit of reading those but, it's really late and I just needed to-”

“Jonathan! Nooo, don't be sorry! Come in, come in!” To her urging, his lips parted to object but she quickly silenced him with her shushing, coiling her nimble digits around his larger ones. /Don't argue with Italians, even the five-foot-two short shits like Kelly./ He smirked at his own thought and walked in.

“You know Drew Gehling, right?” The boozy Kelly slurred her way through each introduction like a proper hostess. A striking baritone voice flooded the space with his drawl, steps moving toward the agent as they circled around the dining table. “Why bother asking, Kels. Tall, dark, handsome. Fits Jonathan's type perfectly. Of course they know each other.”

Jonathan's muscles tensed slightly, his mouth pulling a tight-lipped grin. “Though I guess the 'tall' box has been unchecked. New boyfriend's on the vertically challenged side.” Zachary offered a sassy smirk to Jon to let him know he was joking and calm him down; unfortunately, it did the opposite. He was painfully reminded of where he should  be versus where he was.

“He's flexible; that's all that matters,” Flew from his lips faster than his brain could register. It earned him a chuckle from his ex-boyfriend. J shrugged.

Kelly, the serial gasper at this point, followed with a grip of Jon's bicep. “Oh my god, I fucking meant to talk to you about all those Instagram posts! Stop with the lovey crap or Jeana will actually have a job to do- and Jon- I'd rather keep her on standby and not pay her an exorbitant amount of money because you're in your feelings...” She continued to scold him, but he had long since tuned her out as, in paranoid fashion, his focus was on studying Quinto until the tall male left the room to go refill his oversized glass of chardonnay.

Another theatre family member (he remembered as Lin's “cousin”) joined their conversation and began a debate regarding the proper use of social media. Jonathan eased up a bit when he saw Zach return but rather than engage, turned to his own huddle of friends on the other side of the room. /I'll stay for a little while longer, I don't want to be rude./

Before he knew it, a blush colored wine glass was being thrust into one of his hands he was animatedly driving his point home with. Without thought, he accepted it, not aware it was Zachary that had given it to him until several moments after. Naturally, the thirty-three year old regarded him with a polite nod, watching as he seamlessly dove into the topic at hand.

“I just don't see the point in lying on social media about who you are or what you do. Why try to make someone believe you pop bottle of Dom every weekend and prance around on a private beach every holiday? Stop stunting.” One actor in their bundle scoffed.

While Jonathan's eyes were taking in the many that had swarmed around their expanded circle, Zach spoke up. His left arm leaned against the kitchen's accent wall. “I take it you've never heard of 'escape theory'? Mm, what a shame, Brandon.”

A click of his tongue snagged Groff's attention, wine kissing his lips, attention on Quinto. “All of us here; we're trying to find an outlet to help us step outside, escape- if you've put two and two together- who we are for a fragment in time. It can be as simple as that evening glass of cheri you have in your underwhelming studio apartment, or as large as the theatre audience seeing you stripped down, bare-assed, utterly exposed for eyes to feast on your body. You don't think posting photographs on social media does that as well?”

He was met with silence; the group stealing glances but not quite knowing how to move forward. Quinto took that as a que to continue speaking, this time with a tone that was introspective. “We can project anything out into the world... put out... anything, but the hardest thing to do is show it who we are. To the core. That's why people 'stunt' on social media. Maybe, after a while, we'll start to believe it, too. We'll start to believe we're something more than we actually are.”

Another pause. “Here I just thought everyone had Cartier bracelets and endless frequent flier miles.” Jon deadpanned, earning laughter from everyone, as well as a slightly grim smile from Zachary. The older actor excused himself, accidentally (intentionally?) brushing his front against the Hamilton star's chest when he passed.

“Jeez, Zach!” Kelly coughed, senses overloaded at the trail he left in his wake. “Use more Bleu de Chanel, please. I don't think they can smell your bougie ass in Chelsea!”

Two hours later...

“Drive safe. Take back alleys. The scenic routes. Turn on your Friends app so I can see when you're home.” The demands came at lightening speed from his drunk agent, whom he was sure peppered some Italian expletives in there. “Kelly Bean, I'm good. Three glasses of wine. Solid as a rock. Go to bed.”

He watched the petite woman tuck herself into the Pottery Barn sheets then began his quest for the door, stopped only by the sound of glasses clanking together. Everyone was gone with the exception of two. While the first was exhausted beyond belief, seeing the second clearing the glasses off the table alone guilted him. “Do you... do you want help with this?”

The onyx haired man shook his head no. “I'll have you know, I'm very domestic now, Groff. I got it. Go home,” He insisted. “I would just feel bad if I left this for her because honey, with that hangover she's going to have tomorrow, she's going to be wishing for death. Dirty crystal will be the catalyst that pushes her over the edge; the Brooklyn nutcase. That's why you don't get involved with Virgos.”

Jon nodded slowly as he spoke, semi-entertained though far away in his mind. It caused him to approach his next set of words with caution. “Hey, do you remember... I know this was a long time ago and it's probably super unprofessional because of, you know, the show, but...” A sigh. “When we were together, maybe the first six or so months, we- we did a scene. It was super intense...” He was gaging Quinto's, so far, anti-climactic reaction. “I threw up...” An embarrassed laugh leaked into the air.

“Which time? I remember that you had the weeeeakest stomach,” The laugh that followed from Zachary was filled with nostalgic amusement. After diving up the glasses in even rows into the dishwasher, he spun around to pin his broad back against the pantry door, raising a finger. “I think you may have cried once, too. I don't do crying so, kind of let you do your thing on that one. A little dark, in retrospect.” His hand waved back and forth, not too sold on the idea that he added, “To be fair, I mean; we did a lot of intense stuff. We were intense stuff.”

The gears in Jonathan's brain were turning. An odd comfort came from hearing him stress were. Mentally noting to keep that in his arsenal when he had to balance his career and relationship. As if that justified him being there talking to him, instead of at home, spooning Lin as he promised. The lyricist was never far from his mind, especially as he stood in the warm cast of light in the otherwise empty home, staring at the distant embodiment of someone he cared about.

Zachary was a walking memory; an old polaroid that had discolored and aged with time. Circumstances were what they were. No amount of positive narration would change the way something was. Not even the comfort a lie would provide. There was ice and the bite of winter whenever he looked at him.

He greatly preferred Lin, who was a photo album with more promise and opportunity for happiness. A radiating warmth that flowed from a steadily burning fire. Thoughts, the splitting wood and radiant embers that transformed into something beyond what is expected. In life, he'd found another soul he believed shared a part of his. They were intertwined in some cosmic way, and life was too short to not pursue that. Even if that meant he had to intervene in the man's own marriage to make it happen.

Still, none of this quelled the incessant internal squabbling that came with trying to piece together... the reality. /To weed through the lies of the past is necessary to have a better understanding of the future's truth./ Some shit his therapist told him that he wished he hadn't. Now he couldn't stop trying to remember.

Lingering whispers of anxiety multiplied into an fierce entity that occupied his headspace long after he'd left. Two small pills were his savior, dissolving into his Rosé-filled gut.

Finally, he made it home.

Luckily, his boyfriend was out cold. Feet weren't as coordinated as they could have been, stumbling while attempting to take off his jacket. The blunt hit of his kneecap on the night stand caused his hiss before he whispered apologies to the offending piece of furniture. Resuming his place with the Puerto Rican in his embrace, a smile graced his lips. He could only hope his aura remained as peaceful as it did in this moment.

[inkognito97]

The Siths have been ruling the galaxy for centuries, the Jedi order is mostly reclused in far away temples. Pairs of Jedi, a master and their padawan, travel the galaxy and offer their services in negotiation and sometimes mercenary work against credits to help sustent the small order. Sith apprentice Anakin Skywalker meets a group of traveling Jedi on a cargo, composed of a male Kel Kor, a male human, a young female Torguta and a green creature he isn't sure is a sentient or a pet.

It had started as such a nice and awesome day for Anakin. First, his Master had told him that they had finally been granted time away from the Order and were allowed to travel the galaxy on their own, and then the tall man had even allowed him to chose the vehicle they would take with them. To make it even better, Anakin had been allowed to fly the ship and to chose their first destination.

Time away from the Order meant that the concerned Sith would travel wherever the Force would lead them. Sometimes it would be fruitless, sometimes they made important discoveries. It was always an adventure in itself and Anakin had been one a ‘time-out’ as his friends called it, only once. And during this time-out, his Master and he had freed a whole system from slavery. 

The Sith were not evil, they just followed the often cruel and greedy dark side. The trick was, not to let the dark consume you, letting it run through you, was enough. And it had been the dark side’s will that the slavers paid. It was one of Anakin’s best memories, he still remembered the years he had spent as a young slave. The years, before his Master had found him and taken him under his wing. Thankfully that time was long in the past and since then, he had learned the ways of the Sith.

“I still cannot believe that we are on our way to Naboo, without any kind of mission,” Anakin replied, his joy must be radiating in the Force around him. His Master did not seem to mind, in fact, he send him an indulgent smile from his position on the co-pilot’s seat. 

“Believe it, my energetic and loud apprentice,” the man replied in that deep and soothing voice of his. But Anakin knew from own experience that the warm voice could become ice cold and very dangerous. He had seen how his Master had brought the greatest leaders to their knees, just by lowering his voice and by glaring at them. 

“Do you think Padme will be glad to see me?” that was the question of the hour, at least for the blond Sith apprentice.

“I am sure she will Anakin.” He noticed the frown that had appeared on his apprentice’s features. “What is it?”

“I feel… a disturbance in the Force.”

The Sith Master closed his midnight blue eyes and concentrated. He too, could feel a disturbance. “Get out of hyperspace, immediately.”

“Yes Master,” Anakin was already working on the console, even before his Master had uttered the words. 

It took a couple of seconds for the vehicle to come out of hyperspace, but when it finally did, the two Sith found themselves far away from their original destination. 

“Look,” Anakin pointed ahead, to a transport that seemed to just levitate in space.

“A cargo ship,” said the older male, “Can you dock onto it?”

“Have you really just asked this,” Anakin joked, but it did nothing to really lighten the mood. Something was… strange and it was unsettling to know that they could not exactly pinpoint it.

“Be mindful, my apprentice. It could be anything, even a trap.”

“I will be careful,” he promised. Anakin was not the model student, he let himself be led by recklessness to often. It was a trait that his Master was desperately trying to teach out of him, without much success however.

A jolt ran through their transport, when their ship docked onto the cargo. There was no sign of any survivor or of other living beings, but that did not mean that there weren’t any. 

“I will take the lead,” said the brown haired male before Anakin could open his mouth. His Master had already unbuckled himself and was standing, heading for the entrance to the cargo ship. One of his large hands rested on his lightsaber and Anakin hurried to follow his example. The two Sith nodded to each other and with a wave of the older Sith’s free hand, did the door slide open.

There was no one to greet them, which was curious. Either it truly was a trap, it was a ship full of dead or infected beings, or nobody had noticed. Anakin somehow doubted that the latter was the case and he could feel nothing in the Force that spoke of a trap. It was all very strange and he did not like it at all. 

“It is too quiet,” he said to the older male.

“Patience, my apprentice.” As soon as the words had left his mouth, footsteps sounded. They were coming from within the cargo ship.

“I can feel two organism come towards us. Be ready.”

“Yes Master.”

The male beings that turned the corner and came into their view, were nothing like Anakin had imagined them to be. He had expected smugglers, helpless and frightened suppliers or merchants, he had even expected pirates or bandits. But he certainly would never have imagined to be standing before a male Kel Dor in company of a ginger haired human male. But what really caught the blonde’s attention, were the two lightsaber resting on their belts.

The ginger haired male tilted his head and took a step forward. From his body language could Anakin tell that he was somehow in charge, even though he looked to be younger than his companion, barely in his thirties. His own Master was older.

“What are the Jedi doing in this sector?” his Master’s voice was completely calm and his statement surprised Anakin. Those were Jedi? They were nothing like they were always described back in the Order.

“I didn’t know that Jedi were not allowed to travel through space,” the ginger haired man answered boldly. He held his head high and in his eyes was a clear challenge.

“There isn’t,” confirmed the older Sith. “Still,” he took a couple of steps forward, “I wonder.”

“And I wonder who would like to know,” the man raised an elegant eyebrow.

Anakin unconsciously held his breath. Nobody challenged his Master like this, not without facing consequences. But his Master replied nothing. His midnight blue eyes looked intently into blue-green ones. Neither of the two was looking away, neither or them was blinking. It was a silent competition and it was clear that neither of the two wanted to lose. 

To Anakin’s surprise, his Master looked away by shaking his head and on top of all, he was chuckling. A truly merry sound, he was not pretending. “You have spirit, little Jedi. I admire that,” his posture relaxed and he even let go of his lightsaber. Anakin quickly followed suit. “I am Sith Lord Qui-Gin Jinn and this is my apprentice Anakin Skywalker.”

The ginger haired male hummed. “Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi and my companion is Master Plo Koon.”

“What is your business?” 

“We are delivering important cargo to Naboo,” the Jedi answered.

“Ah,” Qui-Gon nodded, “I guess you are facing… troubles?”

Obi-Wan exchanged a quick glance with the Kel Dor, who had remained completely silent up until now. “We are. Our transport malfunctioned.”

The long haired Sith hummed and he stroked through his beard with his fingers. Over the bond that Anakin shared with his Master, he could tell that the man was weighing his options. The blonde knew that his Master had long since decided that this Kenobi was no threat, or at least he was not the enemy. Sith and Jedi relationships were always very critically, but his Master had always been a little… rebellious, to say it nicely.

“My apprentice could take a look at your ship, he is a good mechanic.”

Obi-Wan remained silent for a moment. He seemed to actually think over the offer. Eventually, he inclined his head. “You help would be greatly appreciated.”

“After you,” Qui-Gon said. The ginger haired Jedi looked him up and down a last time, apparently checking, if he could be trusted, and then he turned. 

Anakin kept a close eye on the Kel Dor, who was walking behind him. His Master was walking ahead of him, right next to the younger ginger haired male. They were conversing about some boring adult stuff that did not really interest Anakin, so he did not really pay attention to it. There was just one thing that he noticed, Qui-Gon seemed to get along very well with the other man and there was that strange glint in both their eyes. It was almost as if they knew each other, but that thought was ridiculous. Why would his Master know a Jedi?

They were led towards the ship’s cockpit, where they were immediately greeted by two more individuals. One of them was a young female Togruta, who would not leave his side, even as he started to work through the mistakes that the console showed. Anakin doubted that he would get the ship to work again, not while in space, but he would not give up. The other being resembled an old and wrinkled green troll and Anakin was not sure if it was another Jedi or a pet. The thing had a lightsaber too, a very small one, but he seemed… strange. His Master seemed slightly unsettled by the green being too, but his attention was quickly diverted by the ginger haired Knight again.

“Ahsoka, leave the young man to his work?” Anakin watched in fascination as the only female on the ship pouted, but then she stood up and obediently trotted to the Kel Dor, who had called her. 

He felt a bond between the pair and somehow he knew that they were Master and Padawan. 

“Master,” he called out after a while, “I am sorry, but there is nothing I can do.”

Qui-Gon looked thoughtful, his eyes darting between his apprentice and the ginger haired Knight, who was standing closest to him. “You said your destination was Naboo,” he trailed off.

“I did.”

The long haired man hesitated for only a second. “As it happens, are we heading there as well. We could take you with us, though your ship will have to remain here.”

Anakin wanted to protest, he had no desire of sharing the space with a bunch of Jedi, but a stern and warning look of blue eyes that had glowed gold for the briefest of seconds, kept him shut.

“Master?” Obi-Wan asked. For the first time since meeting him, he did not answer himself.

The green being in the corned, hummed. “Stranded here, we are. No other way out, I see. Travel with them, we should.”

“Very well,” he turned to his apprentice, “Help them get their cargo on our ship and hurry. I want to depart as soon as possible.”

“Yes Master,” Anakin replied and he set to work once more. He noticed that the Kel Dor and his Padawan were following him. The green being did not move and the ginger haired male said something that made his Master scowl at him. But it was not one of his evil and ‘one more word and I am going to kill you’ scowl, but something different. Before he could investigate further however, the Jedi turned away from his Master and followed them. 

Things were getting weirder and weirder and Anakin was suddenly not sure, if he really wanted to know what was going on here.