#Keanu is literally perfect casting!

[afterlife-2004]

FIRST OFFICIAL TRAILER FOR THE SONIC MOVIE 3! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! 🦔💨💙💥🦔🖤❤️⚡️

[thebuttsmcgee]

This is just disappointing cause unlike the mario movie, which was pretty much casted with no real decent picks aside from maybe bowser if I'm being very generous, but the Sonic Movies have had fairly good VA casting so far, Idris Elba being a welcomed surprise, Ben Schwartz with a younger voice and fairly well received, and ofc Tails being literal perfect casting cause it's just the game VA, ofc they set expectations!

Now Keanu isn't the worst pick, not like pratt, but c'mon man. That's just giving into the corny fan demand.

[keanusbabydoll]

shower sex

paring: keanu reeves x fem!reader

warnings: 18+ content, unprotected sex, p in v, fingering, rough sex, arguing, degrading if you squint, little to no plot, shower sex, age gap

••••••𑁍𑁍𑁍••••••

keanu and y/n had been together for nearly a year now. she was an 20-year-old rising star with a rare blend of grace, beauty, and talent, while keanu, in his late fifties, was the seasoned actor everyone knew and loved. despite their significant age difference, their relationship was strong, built on mutual respect, a shared passion of acting, and an understanding of each other's unique lives. their love had a depth that surprised many, including themselves.

y/n had been cast in the latest john wick film as a pivotal character - a young assassin with a complexed relationship with wick. it was a huge break for her, a role that demanded everything she had to offer and more. but it also meant grueling days on set, hours of preparation, and physical exhaustion like she'd never known.

keanu was giving everything to the film; it was his most iconic role, and the fans expected nothing less than perfection.

the set was close to their shared home, each night they would return home, grateful for the privacy and comfort it offered. but something had begun to shift between them since the shooting started. the long days left little room for intimacy or even simple moments of connection. they would often return home after 10 PM, too tired to do anything but collapse into bed. some nights, keanu didn't even make it home, having to stay behind to train or prepare for the next day's fighting scenes.

but y/n could feel the tension building inside her. she missed him- needed him- missed the way they used to be before the shooting started. the stolen kisses, the laughter, the way they would get lost in each other's arms. and of course the sex. they used to fuck like literal rabbits, loving to be at it practically every minute, every day. but now it's completely different, both of them are always way too tired, especially keanu. it's not like y/n didn't have the energy or motivation to have sex, she dearly desired it, but it was keanu who mostly every time declined it. she understood that then film demanded everything from him, from them, but it didn't stop her from feeling the frustration of their growing distance.

she wanted him. hell, craved him. and the longer they went without any real intimacy, the more the frustration build up.

one evening, after another exhausting day on set, they finally made it back home just after 10 PM. y/n entered the house first, tossing her bag to the floor with more force than necessary. keanu followed her, his face lined with exhaustion, but there was a gentle smile on his lips as he greeted their dog, who was eagerly wagging his tail.

"I'm going to change." keanu said, his voice rough from the day. he kissed y/n forehead lightly, barely brushing her skin, before heading upstairs to their bedroom. she stood there, her body tense, the kiss doing nothing to alleviate the storm of emotions swirling inside her. she wanted more than just a peck on the forehead.

she wanted all of him.

y/n needed him in a way that only passionate sex could satisfy. she couldn't even describe it properly how much she needed him to ruin her. but every night, the exhaustion seemed to win.

keanu reappeared a few minutes later, now in a pair of loose sweatpants and a faded band tee. he sank into the couch with a groan, his head leaning back as he closed his eyes. the sight of him like this - vulnerable, weary - only intensified her desire. she couldn't wait any longer. she walked over to him and sat beside him, her hand gently caressing his cheek. "keanu." she whispered, her voice laced with yearning.

he opened his eyes, meeting her gaze with a tired but warm smile. "what is it, darling."

instead of answering, she leaned in, capturing his lips in a passionate kiss. keanu responded, his lips moving against hers with a familiar softness, but there was a hesitation in his touch. undeterred, y/n deepened the kiss, her hand sliding down his chest, grazing his almost unnoticeable bulge ever so slightly. keanu pulled back, confusion written in his eyes. "y/n, wait..."

but she didn't want to wait. she knew what she wanted and that was definitely him. she straddled his lap, pressing herself against him, desperate to finally feel him against her. the moment she felt his dick pressing into her, her hips began to grind down on him hard. "I need you keanu." she murmured against his lips, her voice trembling with desire.

he placed his hands on her hips, gently but firmly stopping her movements. "I'm... I'm tired, love. I just don't have the energy." the words hit her like a slap in the face. y/n pulled back, her expression hardening as anger flared up inside her.

"tired?" she echoed, voice tinging with disbelief. "we haven't had sex in weeks, keanu! I know you're exhausted, but so am I! don't you think I need you too?"

Keanu's brows furrowed, his weariness replaced by frustration. "of course I know that, but I've been pushing myself to the limit every day. this movie - its grueling. you know how demanding it is!"

y/n stood up abruptly, her hands clenched into fists at her sides. "I'm not asking for much! just one night, keanu. I want to feel close to you again, to remind myself that we're not just co-stars living in the same house!"

his eyes flashed with anger, his own patience wearing thin. "and you think I don't want that too? I'm not some machine, y/n! I'm giving everything I have there, and when I come home, I'm spent. I'm sorry if that's not enough for you." the harshness of his words cut deep, and she felt a sting of tears in her eyes. she turned away from him, arms crossed over her chest, unable to bear the sight of him in that moment.

"I can't believe you don't see how much this is hurting me." she mumbled quietly, voice shaking. Keanu's silence was deafening. he watched her, his expression softening but he didn't budge. he knew he had a point.

y/n shook her head in disbelief. "I'm going to take a shower." she muttered. without another word, she walked away, leaving keanu alone in the living room.

as she stepped into the bathroom and turned on the shower, the sound of the water cascading down felt like a small reprieve from the turmoil raging inside her. with a sigh she stripped off her clothes and stepped under the hot stream, letting it wash over her, hoping it could cleanse away the anger and hurt she felt. but the tears she had been holding back finally spilled over, mixing with the water as they fell from her cheeks. a sob escaped her mouth as she leaned her back against the wall, head tilting up. they had barely touched each other in weeks, and the absence of his touch, his presence, was like a void. she ached for him, and not forget to mention the sex. but every night it seemed to slip further away.

as the minutes passed, her anger began to ebb, replaced by a deep, gnawing sadness. she hated fighting with keanu, hated the distance between them. how had they come to this? they had been so happy, passionate, so in sync. all she wanted was for things to go back to the way they were before the movie had taken over their lives.

y/n wasn't sure how much time had passed when she heard the bathroom door creak open. her heart skipped a beat as she opened her eyes and turned her head slightly, expecting to see keanu standing there. he was leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed, his expression softened by an apology that had yet to be spoken. he was still wearing his sweatpants, but his shirt was gone, revealing his toned body she loved so much.

"y/n." he said, his voice barely above a whisper, yet it echoed in the small space. she didn't respond, her eyes flickering with a mix of emotions - anger, hurt and a desperate yearning. keanu took a step closer, his gaze never leaving hers as he reached for the hem of his sweatpants, slowly pulling them down. y/n watched, her breath catching in her throat as he stripped down, his vulnerability in that moment touching her in a way she hadn't expected. he stood there for a moment, hesitating, as if unsure whether she would welcome him or push him away. but then he stepped into the shower, the water immediately soaking his hair, his body, as he closed the distance between them.

his hands found her waist, and he pulled her to him, their wet bodies pressing together as the stream enveloped them. "I'm sorry." he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

she looked up at him, her eyes searching his face for any trace of anger that had been there before, but all she saw was regret, love and... lust. "I just... I miss you keanu." she admitted, voice trembling. "I miss us." he nodded, his forehead resting against hers. "I know, and I miss you too. I've been so caught up in everything - the training, fighting scenes- I lost sight of what really matters." he cupped her face in his hands, this thumbs brushing away the lingering tears on her cheeks. "I'm here now y/n. I'm right here."

the sincerity of his voice broke down the last of her defenses. she leaned into him, her hands gripping his arms as she felt the warmth of his body against her own. Keanu's lips found hers, this time with a tenderness that melted away the frustration that had built up inside her. the kiss was slow, deliberate, a silent promise that he was there with her, fully present in that moment.

they stayed like that for a while, the water pouring over them as their kiss deepened, becoming more urgent, more needy. his hands roamed over her whole body, slightly squeezing her breasts. his touch ignited a fire within her that she had longed to feel for weeks. y/n responded with equal fervor, her fingers sliding up and down his chest. "keanu," she breathed as she pulled away from their intense kiss. she looked at him with lust filled eyes, wanting him right now. "I need you."

his response was a low groan as he gripped the back of her thighs and lifted her up. instinctively, her legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer to her aching body. the passion between them was undeniable, a raw, primal need that had been simmering beneath the surface for too long. keanu pressed her against the cold tile wall, his mouth trailing hot kisses down her neck as she arched against him. her arms wrapped around his neck, a moan slipping past her lips. he passionately started to suck and lick on the sensitive skin, enjoying the sounds she was making.

her excitement just grew even more when she felt his hard cock press up against her tingling pussy. slowly, she started to move against him to gain some friction, eliciting a low growl from him. "please more, keanu." she whimpered. he pulled away from her neck and looked at her with those eyes that would make her weak every time. "my little impatient girl."

the hand that rested loosely on her neck, sneaked it's way down to her aching cunt, slowly, going up and down between her wet folds. he moaned out at the feeling, giving her a peck on the lips. "you're so wet for me baby." he mumbled as he pushed two of his fingers inside of her warm walls. "ah- just f-for you." y/n whined out. he scissored his fingers inside her before he arched his fingers up, pressing directly onto that spot that made her see stars. when he began to thrust his fingers up, a loud moan escaped her throat and her head flew back in bliss.

her grip on keanu tightened and she rocked against his fingers, needing to feel him even more. the pace of his fingers increased, making her a moaning mess already. he just knew too well how to make her fold. her walls started to flutter around his digits, the coil in her abdomen slowly building up. "fuck, daddy!" she breathed out as her eyes shut close.

"you're doing so good for me baby." he rumbled right into her ear, licking a stripe down her neck. the sight of her made keanu twitch in excitement, needing her just as much, he knew he couldn't hold back much longer. after a few more strokes of his fingers, he pulled out of her slippery hole, making her cry out at the denial, her forming orgasm fading away. "daddy..." she whined, staring up at him with those puppy eyes. a smirk played on Keanu's lips when he heard her desperate cries.

"don't you want to come around daddy's cock?"

her mouth opened a little, but she just nodded silently in reply, eyes sparkling with desire at the thought of it. "of course you want it, little slut." he growled before he lined up with her welcoming entrance. with a swift move of his hips, he slid into her hole with ease, filling her up to the brim. a loud squeal escaped y/n‘s throat at the feeling of getting ripped open by his dick. she would never get used to his size, doesn’t matter how many times they would fuck.

the burning pain washed through her whole body and her face scrunched up in discomfort. keanu watched her face closely, observing her every reactions. he didn’t move, waiting for her to get used to him and tell him to start.

he would always do that. he wanted her to feel safe and comfortable around him.

but there definitely were times where he wouldn’t care a bit about her comfort, completely showing off his dominant side.

and y/n secretly loved this.

obviously.

she breathed in sharply before she opened her eyes, immediately meeting keanu‘s lustful gaze.

"you can move.“ a quiet whisper echoed in the room. his grip on her body tightened before he began to thrust inside her with a slow but hard pace. the second he began to move, her world turned upside down.

she had missed this way too much. missed him way too much.

y/n wrapped her arms around his neck and clung tighter to him, her face buried in the crook of it. keanu grabbed her thighs harder before he began to move her body against his, meeting his own thrusts. his lips found hers, capturing her mouth in a heated kiss. their lips moved against each other with desire and when y/n let out a whimper, keanu slipped his tongue in, fighting for dominance.

hot, high pitched moans filled the air as the water poured down on them, adding even more intimacy to their long desired moment.

"please go faster keanu.“ she whimpered as she pulled away from the kiss and the second the words left her lips, he increased his speed, clashing his hips faster, more furiously against her.

"oh fuck.“ she moaned out at his pace. one of john’s hand wandered up her body, caressing her tits, squeezing ever so harshly and pulling on her hardened nipples before it grabbed ahold of y/n‘s throat. his grip was harsh and he pushed her head back against the tile wall, making her look at him.

"is that what you wanted?“ keanu asked, his hips rutting harsher and faster into her at every word that came out of his mouth.

with the pressure of his hand on her throat and the intense hammering of his hips, y/n can’t even think straight, her senses are completely dazed, all she has on her mind is keanu and how good and hard he’s fucking her. she doesn’t even comprehend his words.

a harsh slap on her cheek, drives her back into reality and her eyes shoot open to look at him. he’s already staring at her with harsh, darkened eyes.

"answer. me.“ he growled as he tightened the grip around her throat even more, almost cutting off her airways and just fucked rougher into her.

"mh-yes, that’s- that’s what i wanted.“ she managed to mewl out before she focused on the pleasure he was giving to her again. in reply, keanu just smirked darkly before he completely pulled out of her.

with knitted eyebrows and mouth wide agape, she looked up at him with confusion written all over her face. "what- what’s wrong?“ she mumbled.

wordlessly, keanu set her down and with the blink of an eye she was turned around and mushed up against the frigid glass wall. he reached around her middle, pulled her hips back, and made her arch her back. with his knee, he pushed her wobbly legs wide open and with a sharp thrust he filled her hole up again. "keanu!“ she yelled out, pressing her palms against the glass for support but it was useless. he immediately started off with a quick pace, hands placed on her hips.

the new angle allowed his tip to brush exactly into that one spot that made her knees go weak and eyes turn to the back of her scull. the cool sensation of the glass wall on her hardened nipples only added fuel to her receiving pleasure.

"my little slut. taking me so well.“ he murmured against her ear, his dick plunging into her in an animalistic speed and harshness.

too lost in the moment, y/n didn’t even notice when keanu sneaked a hand around her middle again and began to rub circles on her swollen clit, eliciting a loud and powerful whine that echoed in the room.

with the constant stimulation on her clit and g-spot, y/n felt her orgasm slowly building up and her legs began to tremble, almost giving out.

keanu seemed to notice this and wrapped his other hand around her upper body, supporting her in the best way possible. hearing her sweet moans and cry’s sent waves of pleasure through his whole body, getting closer and closer to his release as well. his eyes fell closed and his head leaned back, enjoying the feeling of her warm, velvety walls wrapped around him so perfectly.

the speed of his fingers increased and y/n‘s moans began to get louder and louder, almost reaching her peak.

"im gonna cum, daddy!“

with an answering groan, keanu pounded into her deeper than before and sped up his moving hips to their maximum, his fingers pressing and circling her nub harsher.

"cum with me princess.“ he snarled as he finally let go, spurting all of his seed deep inside of her. his orgasm triggered y/n‘s own and with a pornographic moan she stumbled over the edge, coming hard around him. keanu fucked her through their orgasms, letting them ride it out.

"oh god, keanu!“ she yelled out at the intense fire burning inside of her as she pressed her cheek against the wall.

his movements slowed down and after a few thrusts his hips came to an halt. y/n gasped out, breathing heavily. keanu now wrapped both of his arms around her body lovingly, pressing his chest to her back.

"you did so good for me y/n.“ he whispered, voice soft, placing a small kiss to her temple.

carefully, keanu pulled out of her hole, eliciting a groan from both of them, and turned her around.

"i‘m sorry y/n. i shouldn’t have treated you like this. i- just- i hope you forgive me.“ the man mumbled, pressing his forehead against hers. she wrapped her arms around his torso, enjoying the warmth of his body.

"of course i forgive you. i‘m so relieved that we finally talked about all this, that you finally understand how i feel.“ she replied with a softness in her tone.

how could she ever be mad at him. he’s her whole world.

keanu smiled at her words and captured her face, pulling her into an passionate kiss. but the kiss showed off all of his emotions - love, happiness, sorrow, tenderness. y/n returned the kiss with equal fever, pulling him closer.

"i love you doll.“ he whispered against her lips.

"i love you too.“ she smiled before clashing her lips once again onto his.

[renposter]

it's 12 am and i'm sitting in a dark room reading the entire 24,000 year history of star wars... i love this shit so much guys... them canonically giving revan a gender was evil & even more vile is redditors saying they should cast keanu reeves to play them even though the whole thing about revan is that they… nevermind i shan’t say. you all need to play KOTOR it’s literally the perfect star wars story

[legion1227]

John Wick 4: A review.

asily the best action movie I've seen this year so far.

The John Wick movies have kept a surprising level of consistency over the years. The first film was an entertaining hour and forty-minute romp of Keanu Reeves masterfully executing a copious amount of men responsible for killing his wife and dog. It's a great stand-alone film that I did not expect to turn into a major franchise. What's equally stunning is that the second film is another solid entry for the film series. Then the third John Wick movie makes the argument for being the best of the series with heightened set pieces, and now we have four, which is an admirable send-off to the titular character, and another film for fans to argue whether or not it's the best of the four.

John Wick 4 might be the best of the bunch. The argument is there.

As the bounty continually increases against him, legendary hitman John Wick takes his fight against the rulers of the criminal underworld, the High Table, around the world. The stakes are resumed from the last film, where countless hitmen are tracking him down in hopes of claiming the bounty.

The fight scenes are just as captivating as ever, with John carefully executing and mowing down goon after goon. But other action scenes stick out even more than John's when the supporting cast gets their own wonderous scenes of slaughter. Shamier Anderson plays one of the trackers intent on collecting John's bounty. There are multiple instances where he could have possibly killed John and collected the bounty, and yet he doesn't, wanting the bounty to go higher and collect even more money. Accompanying him always is a German shepherd, and the two wreak havoc gleefully while killing others and making sure they don't kill John instead of him. Meanwhile, Donnie Yen portrays one of the coolest tropes usually seen in something like an anime: a blind hitman. Yen's physical and combative prowess has been seen before in the Ip Man movies. But his performance in John Wick 4 is on par, or arguably surpasses, the action choreography of Ip Man. Yen's late addition to the franchise desperately makes me wish he was around more in the other three films.

Besides the stellar action, the camera work remains decent, with one amazing bird's eye view during an action sequence. While the cast is a tour de force of engaging quirky characters. Scott Adkins as Killa makes for a really fun secondary villain in the middle portion of the film. He feels uplifted from an anime as well as an over-the-top baddie, and I love seeing him interact with John and fellow assassins. Bill Skarsgard is an engaging main foil to John and his interactions with Ian McShane's Winston are fun as well. The Death of Charon carries immense emotion to it, especially since the unfortunate passing of Lance Reddick earlier this year.

As the nearly three-hour movie comes to a close, we also bid farewell to a character we've gotten to know since his incarnation almost ten years ago. The send-off for John Wick feels appropriate after all the pain and suffering he's endured for four films, he deserves a good rest and to be reunited with his wife in the afterlife. It's a perfect send-off to a badass character. The one and only boogeyman.

There are talks of a John Wick 5 in development, and I literally don't know what you do for that. There are other characters the studios could absolutely focus on and develop from there, but the John Wick name should be ditched by that point. Unless the next movie follows John Wick in hell battling demons.

But if you haven't watched John Wick 4 already, do it. Matter of fact, dedicate a day to a John Wick marathon from 1 to 4. It's one of the few franchises right now that does not have a miss. Let's hope the show about the Continental is good though. Overall, it's an amazing action film, and easily cements itself in my top three films seen this year. Whether or not other movies will surpass it will have to be seen. 4.5/5. A hell of a ride from start to end.

[sugar-petals]

Kibbe Body Typing Tips

12 bits of advice covering type distinctions, signature characteristics, subtypes, yin-yang balance, typing men, first impressions, bones vs flesh, kibbegories in specific social realms, and proportions.

- every type immediately shows their signature characteristics when you put them in classic clothing (since it’s the most neutral style). say, a minimal, long-sleeved shirt that hugs the body with a round neckline. the tautness/asymmetry and long bones of dramatics will show, the dynamic bulkiness and athletic body of naturals will show, the petiteness and square body of gamine will show, the extreme curviness and short limbs of romantic will show. except classics: they blend in perfectly, you seemingly can’t point out anything at all.

- naturals appear top-heavy (wide shoulders and chest/ribcage) while dramatics can actually have broader hips and thighs — seemingly. in fact it’s just because their shoulders and torso are so narrow and their proportions always have some kind of asymmetry. in fact, their hips and thighs are rather small, it’s just the contrast to the even narrower torso. that’s how you can tell them from classics whose shoulders and hips line up very evenly.

- what you see first determines the subtype. see the bone structure first (e.g. fingers)? yang subtype or pure yang. see the flesh first (e.g. cheeks)? yin subtype or pure yin. what other people tell you as a first impression is the surefire way to know. do they point out your long legs right away? that’s bone structure, you have a more dramatic slant, so D/FN/DC/FG. 

- don’t forget that gamine is never pure yang. there will always be yin features in the mix, like soft upper arms or an hourglass figure. the important part is that these features are random and you’re perceived as very small, compact.  

- typing guys becomes easier when you use the type-casting method rather than relying on the scarce male kibbe type material that’s out there. what type of movie would he be perfect for? if he could easily be an elf, rocker, or a villain, dramatic (lee pace, keanu reeves). if he’s great in action or medieval genres, natural (pedro pascal, idris elba, c. hemsworth). if he’s a perfect heartthrob, romantic (mb jordan, rob lowe, jimin). if he’d fit any teen comedy, gamine (zac efron, tom holland). if you could put him in a suit and he’d do anything, classic.

- the current worldwide trend and style era in terms of clothes you can buy in your local stores is soft natural. if you have that type, you likely didn’t run into any problems yet, fitting and budget-wise. the more experimental fashion caters toward flamboyant gamine. the types that will struggle the most with what’s available are dramatics and romantics with their subtypes. you end up in very specialized stores or needing to look toward high fashion.

- type facial features last rather than first, and not entirely up close. what’s more important is seeing whether the head is smaller by proportion (dramatic and natural), sort of indistinguishable (classic), or slightly larger (romantic and gamine). the head in and of itself might not be out of the ordinary, it’s about how the torso and the vertical line relate to it.

- naturals appear to have wide bones because there are no sharp points creating the illusion of slimness. that’s why dramatics often have V-shaped jaws where the chin is the farthest point while the chin area of flamboyant naturals appears much flatter from below, making the face seem wide. you look toward either side rather than to the middle which is the fundamental difference between blunt yang and sharp yang.

- dramatics and flamboyant naturals meddle on the runways of the world. meanwhile, instagram favors theatrical romantics. which world you’d rather be able to sort of blend into tells you a lot about your yin/yang amount or someone you’re typing. if you don’t fit into either realm completely no matter what you did, you’re a classic or gamine. classics would blend more into a circle of royals or socialites, and gamines literally every subculture or non-hollywood industry (see k-pop or british punk, yungblud is a perfect example). 

- the exception is soft dramatic. they’re not stark- and straight-looking like a model, not athletic nor curvy/small enough for instagram, too tall and mature-looking for subcultures/alternative entertainment, and often too sensual for royalty. the place where they fit in the most is any red carpet by far. soft dramatics do expressive ball gowns like no other type.

- soft gamines have a more boxy shape overall, romantics on the other hand have extreme differences between shoulders, waist, hips. romantics look delicate, soft gamines are sturdy. you immediately look at their huge eyes and unique face. meanwhile, romantics draw instant attention to the waist as their signature element. while their face is perceived as more uniform, everything being so soft. soft gamines could have strong chins and more chiseled noses, strong calves, wider palms. with a romantic, you rather see how short and small the bones are, even if soft gamines can be much more petite!

- perceived age is also a dead giveaway. classics and especially dramatics always look more mature, with soft classic being the only exception. naturals appear sort of in between, refreshing but also grounded. gamines and romantics always look younger. especially gamines, they’re the peter pan of the kibbe system. 

[smokeybrandreviews]

Smokey brand Retrospective: Red Pill Me

Cinemacon has passed and there has been a lot of awesome sh*t revealed. On the top of that list, obviously, Spider-Man: Far From Home has me geeked to high heaven but there were a ton of other noteworthy reveals. There was some Batman reveals, a few Mission Impossible 7 and Top Gun 2 trailers, plus audiences ever got a surprise screening of Ghostbusters: Afterlife. Now, that would be great on it's own but cats even got a little sizzle real for Matrix Resurrections: The long gestating fourth Matrix film. Apparently, this thing is releasing in December. I am lukewarm at best. I have fond memories of the Matrix trilogy as a whole but, since it’s final release some twenty years ago, the Wachowskis have been revealed to be one trick ponies. They kind of suck at film making. I mean, i liked Speed Racer but i just generally enjoy Speed Racer. It helped tremendously that Christina Ricci was Trixie, too, but everything after that was kind of balls. I also really like V for Vendetta but that’s not real their movie, they just adapted it. I guess you can say that about Speed Racer, too. Anyway, in light of there near Shyamalan-esque track record with their films, i wanted to revisit the first three Matrix films and see if they hold up, to try and muster some sense of excitement for what comes next.

The Matrix

Of the trilogy, this is easily the best film. Everything about it is exceptional. The Matrix was a whole ass shift in the cultural zeitgeist. It was a lot of people’s first experience with accessible cyberpunk and I'll always love it for that. I’ll also love it for normalizing Hong Kong style action sequences and giving us the most breathtaking application of Bullet Time I've seen to date. The Matrix s why the theater exists. If you’ve never seen this thing on the big screen, you missed out on something very special. I had just just turned thirteen when it released and checked it out at the dollar theater. I had only ever seen anything like this, in anime. Seeing all of my favorite Eighties OVAs filtered through the big budget Hollywood lens was incredible. I even like the rather pedestrian narrative. I think the story worked for what the movie was trying to do. It’s a shame the Wachowskis have tried to rewrite history about the narrative as of late. I understand the underlying themes of identity and sexuality but come on? That’s some college film theory bullsh*t that got tacked on after the fact. Now, if the original script is to be believed, then, yes, all of that, but what we got is not so profound. This is a basic Chosen One narrative with Dope ass effects that were ahead of it’s time.

A fr as the cast, what can i say? These motherf*ckers were perfect. Keanu Reeves as Neo was inspired. It’s wild to say that because dude is a plank but it works. He’s the POV character, he’s who you see that world through. Making him a blank slate so to speak, helps with immersion and that is a world you definitely wan to be immersed within. This was my first experience with Carrie-Ann Moss and I've loved her ever since. Her Trinity fast became one of my favorite characters and I'm actually pretty excited to see where she is in the new film. Lawrence Fishburne as Morpheus was an interesting choice. I wasn’t mad and it worked perfectly but it was weird seeing him in such an active, action oriented, role. That said, for me, this movie is made by Hugo Weaving. He is absolutely monstrous as Agent Smith. He’s got this scene chewing energy that mirrors Christoph Waltz’s Hans Landa and we all know how much i love that Nazi f*ck so that’s really high praise. To this day, I've got his Humanity is a Virus speech memorized. It was just that f*cking good! The Matrix is an exquisite watch and it is absolutely mandatory viewing if you consider yourself a fan of cinema.

The Matrix Reloaded

Whoo, boy, talk about a drop in quality. Reloaded released four years later in 2003 and it screams Studio Mandate. I was a sprightly eighteen years old when this thing dropped and made it a point to see it opening day. I really enjoyed the first outing so i figured this one would be just as amazing. Indeed, i remember leaving the theater thinking to myself how decent of a sequel it turned out to be. It wasn’t better than the first but it didn’t sh*t the bed like most follow-ups do. Fast forward to present day and, after watching this thing again for the first time in probably fifteen years, it’s kind of f*cking bad. Like, as a cinematic experience, it’s pretty tight Everything is amped up. Tons more action, way more bombastic set pieces, stakes have been raised considerably; The Matrix Reloaded is everything you want in a summer blockbuster sequel. However, that’s it. Everything else is worse. The acting has become way too hammy and the new cast members fit into this narrative like a square peg in a round hole. Why is f*cking Niobe even in this thing? Who even is the Merovingian? Why is Mouse? The pacing is all over the place, too. Like, this thing stops dead in it’s tracks on several occasions but that’s not the worst of it.

The worst thing is the narrative. What the f*ck even is the story trying to be told in this movie? It doesn’t make any f*cking sense. The Matrix was, very obviously, a standalone film. That was a closed narrative. Neo’s story had been told. Everything after that is unnecessary. This movie is an exercise in the unnecessary. I appreciate all of how unchained and manic Smith is in this but, outside of that, what the f*ck was the point of this whole narrative? It’s filler. This movie is filler and it feels like it. The returning cast is serviceable and seeing Zion was interesting. I like how all the survivors are just sweaty black people. I literally hated everyone added to the cast though. Well, that’s not quite true. I rather enjoyed Collin Chou as Seraph. Dude was inconsequential but i love seeing Asian martial artists not name Li or Chan getting some shine. Also, Monica Bellucci is in this and i kind of just love her in general. Her Persephone is absolutely disposable but she looks damn fine in that plastic wrapped dress of hers. I literally can’t be bothered mentioning anyone else. They are that forgettable. This movie is that forgettable. And it’s arguably the best of the two sequels.

The Matrix Revolutions

Talk about going out with a thud. Man, i saw this with my best friend, rest in peace B, and we both hated it. He was an even bigger fan of The Matrix than i was so his disappointment was palpable. I’ll never forget his visceral reaction when that rainbow spread across the super happy Hollywood ending. Dude was hot and he had every right to be. The first Matrix set up this intriguing, immersive, world full of fanatic visuals, great piratical stunts, and a very through provoking premise. The second Matrix was your basic Hollywood sequel; More shine, less substance. But Revolutions? Man this is peak Wachowski fail. You saw hints of this messiah sh*t in the first, it’s literally a Chosen One narrative, but thy went all in on that sh*t in Reloaded. By the time Revolutions finished, this whole narrative was so far up it’s own ass, it didn’t know which way was up. It just f*cking ends. Everyone is dead and it’s over. The Wachowskis went heavy on the Jesus imagery, they were not subtle, and the f*cking conflict just ends. Robot don’t stop using people as batteries. Flesh and blood Humans still have to live in Zion. The only thing that’s changed is Neo’s dead and Agent Smith has been deleted. That’s it. The Matrix still exists, people are still trapped in it, and everything that happened in these films doesn’t f*cking matter. Literally right back at the start of the whole goddamn conflict. Revolutions is so f*cking disappointing, dude, by every measure of that metric.

Hugh Weaving is still pretty good as Smith and Keanu does his best imitation of white bread as Neo but, like, everything else is just so pedestrian. Plus, this thing is long. Like, unreasonably so. Why the f*ck is this movie two hours? The entire trilogy is kind of like that but it’s most egregious in this one. This story could be told in ninety minutes, just like Reloaded. Why the f*ck do i have an extra half hour of bullsh*t in this? Like, that whole “Neo Lost” arc was unnecessary, in both sequels. F*cking why? I don’t hate Revolutions. It’s not a “bad” film per say, it’s just disappointing. It’s the poster child for the law of diminishing returns. The Matrix Revolutions is the what happens when you let creatives with fresh egos, run amok with one hundred and fifty million f*cking dollars. So much spectacle but even less substance that Reloaded and that motherf*cker was a hollow mess. Still, The Matrix Revolutions is better than anything Michael Bay or Zack Snyder has ever made so i guess it’s got that going for it.

[wits-writing]

Bill & Ted Face the Music (Movie Review)

How I have missed having new movies to talk about!

And this is a most excellent movie to use as a return to reviews! (Thanks to the non-heinous decision to release it for digital rental/purchase, rather than force people to go into movie theaters as a pandemic continues to rage on.)

Bill & Ted Face the Music, from director Dean Parisot with a screenplay from the returning duo of Chris Matheson and Ed Solomon, pays tribute to and enhances the legacy of the previous two movies. In the decades since the end of Bogus Journey, Bill S. Preston, Esq. (Alex Winters) and Ted Theodore Logan (Keanu Reeves), have done everything they can think of to produce the song they were told would unite all of reality back in 1989. They’ve consistently fallen short of their destiny with Wyld Stallyn’s big song from the concert at the end of the last movie only amounting to a one-hit wonder. All other attempts have only led them further into obscurity and increasingly esoteric musical experiments.

When chasing this impossible destiny finally has their lives on the verge of falling apart completely and the pair are ready to quit, Kelly (Kristen Schaal), the daughter of Rufus, appears before them with a warning. Reality itself has started coming undone and will only right itself if the song is performed within a 77-minute time limit. Bill & Ted decide to take desperate measures and see if any of their own future selves succeeded where they’ve failed. Meanwhile, their own daughters, Thea Preston (Samara Weaving) and Billie Logan (Brigette Lundy-Paine), go on their own excellent adventure through the history of music to recruit the perfect band for the perfect song.

Face the Music is a multigenerational journey through that which binds us through time, a long-awaited reunion for the creative team and lead actors, and the final payoff of the destiny that kicked off the whole thing.

And against all odds… It works!

[Full Review Under the Cut]

To be honest, the initial trailer for this movie did not win me over to this series revival. Seeing the leaders of the idyllic 28th century roll their eyes as Bill & Ted repeated the iconic “Be excellent to each other! Party on dudes!” had me worried this would be mean-spirited in a way that goes against the core of the previous movies. There’s a sincerity in those movies about these two dudes’ optimism and perseverance being able to overcome anything, from passing history class to coming back from the dead. This movie being about what happens when that attitude finally gets worn down by the years of banging their heads against the wall to complete the single most important task in the universe. Ted especially feels the weight of the years catching up with them, being the one to suggest giving up before the strict time limit gets laid out in front of them.

Doing nothing but chasing the success they were promised in their youth begins to threaten their ability to see outside themselves. Hints of that show early on with them and their wives all in couples counseling together. Which becomes more apparent as they travel to increasingly dire futures for themselves. The older Bills and Teds we see have lost even more of their charming positivity, often happy to insult, trick, or threaten their past selves for their own benefits. It’s a humorous literalization of how people look back on their own mistakes or deal with their fears of the future and as a bonus gives us a chance to see Winters and Reeves play increasingly bizarre versions of their classic characters. Though Bill & Ted’s struggle against their inadequacies only account for half the story of this movie.

The other half comes from Billie and Thea’s adventure through time. The duo is introduced as the only people left in the world still believing in their dads’ abilities to make the prophesized song. Growing up around every sonic formulation Wyld Stallyns ever created gave them a passion for and encyclopedic knowledge of music that’s unmatched, even by their dads. Lundy-Paine and Weaving embody the Millennial versions of Winters and Reeves’ Gen X archetypes. They carry on the positive spirit their dads have lost with a gift for recognizing the finer details of music across all genres and figuring out how and why it fits together.

That passion takes them on a journey through history that also reflects a maturation of how this film series approaches history compared to Excellent Adventure with who the girls recruit along the way. I won’t give away when they go or who they recruit, but it speaks to a more complete understanding of history than the original movie had with its time travel story. Though I will say it includes an extended cameo by a time displaced Kid Cudi as himself, who ends up being one of the best comedic performers in the entire cast.

As much as I love this movie, it’s far from flawless. There are two subplots that feel clumsy in their execution. One involving Ted’s dad, Jonathan Logan (Hal Landon Jr.), not believing Bill & Ted ever went on any of their adventure through time, space, heaven, and hell, which simply resolves when circumstances force him to believe it. More frustrating is the involvement of Princesses Joanna and Elizabeth (Jayma Mays and Erinn Hayes, respectively), Bill & Ted’s wives, or rather the lack thereof. The best I can say is that they at least aren’t damseled like they were in Bogus Journey, but that doesn’t make up for them being almost aggressively sidelined by the plot of this one. In a movie that hinges on Bill & Ted’s connection to their families, these subplots being so thin is hard to ignore.

For every frustration those subplots caused, there was some amazing new or returning element from the series to prop things up again. When the time comes for Bill & Ted Face the Music to bring all of its threads together for the concert finale across time and space, I was left amazed how well it paid off what all three movies have told us about Bill & Ted’s destiny. The twist they manage to put on the payoff is simultaneously clever and touching, even if it’s a little easy to guess early on. It creates such a warm, comforting atmosphere within the movie that’s difficult not to give into as it plays out.

This is worth every cent of what the digital rental/purchase costs, especially if you’re a fan of the previous Bill & Ted movies.

Be excellent to yourselves, watch it, and party on dudes!

If you like what you’ve read here, please like/reblog or share elsewhere online, follow me on Twitter (@WC_WIT), and consider throwing some support my way at either Ko-Fi.com or Patreon.com at the extension “/witswriting”

[welcome-to-green-hills]

Is it weird if I ask for celebrity (or Hollywood) headcanons? Like how Sonic would react meeting celebrities in real-life and how they interact? Personally, I headcanon Sonic being good friends with “Ben the Schwartz“ and finds his voice charming yet so familiar...but has no clue why...

Pfff! Not at all, my friend!❤️

That’s a very creative ask! I have a few ideas on how Sonic Wachowski would react to his favorite celebrities if he’s met them:

One day coming home from their shift, Sonic literally screamed at the top of his lungs when he saw Keanu Reeves walking around town. He begged Tom to pull over the police cruiser—Tom crashed into a street light pole—and Sonic sank to his knees and cried in his presence. Shortly after passing out into Mr. Reeves arms out of pure joy, he found out that Keanu Reeves has a vacation house in the wealthy section of town. Sonic makes sure to run by there every day during the summer months and waive to Mr. Reeves in the morning.

Sonic has a soft spot for Sir Elton John. He has every album, ever vintage magazine with him on it, and he even owns the white overall and purple-star shirt and pumps that he loves to wear in the house. (He loves to wears the outfit and rock out to some tunes when he’s home alone). He wrote a letter to Sir John to tell him how much he appreciated his music, as well as how it helped him in the past. A few weeks later, Sonic received free VIP tickets, signed t-shirts, and got a video chat call from him to thank him for saving the world.

To thank Sonic for his service, Lorne Michaels reaches out to the Wachowski family to see if the three wanted to guest star on Saturday Night Live. Sonic went on stage and the cast came to thank him for saving the day from Dr. Robotnik. He also got to act out a skit towards the end of the show.

Vin Diesel is one of two big inspirations as to why Sonic wants to learn how to drive a car. He loves watching the Fast and Furious movies with Tom on Guy’s Nights and they rewatch the explosions from the film. And the second is to fight crime with Tom. He would drive the truck and Tom would beat the snot out of the bad guys.

Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson is the President of the United States, serving 3 1/2 years, as well as running for a second term. As a “thank you,” the president invited the family to dine with him in the White House, did a round of bowling, and took a selfie with the Space Hog.

Sonic would paws-down be friends with The Flash. Once he saw an actor on the street dressed up as his favorite comic book hero and begged to go on a run and spend the day with him. He has many photos with the actor, he tries very hard to convince other that The Flash is real.

As much as Sonic loves Jim Carrey’s work, such as In Living Color and his many movies, he can’t help but get a little unsettling feeling about him on screen. He can’t quite put his finger on it, but his cackle, face, and voice remind him of a certain mad robot scientist with a mustache from the civil war...

Ben Schwartz and James Marsden are famous actors that Sonic and Tom love to admire. Tom and Sonic love James from The X-Men series, they are die-hard Cyclops fans. Sonic and Tom also worship Ben’s stand-up comedy on Netflix and from T.V. shows. The two met Ben and James once, almost crying tears of joy meeting them both. All four realized that they had a sort of familiarity to their auras, such as voice and appearance, and joked that they could be doppelgängers. Ben and Sonic sing in perfect harmony as well.

Sonic also thinks that it would be very cool to be friends with Alf the Alien, they’d play video games all day and watch cheesy action films from the 90’s.

Sonic is a celebrity to the kids in Greenhills. Kids of all ages come up to him on the street and ask to take photos, play games with them, and they comes to give them flower crowns. There’s one kid that he likes to visit when he goes with Tom to do the DARE program at school. His name is Miles Per-Heures, a kid who suffers from paralysis from the waist down and dreams of competing in the Paralympic for the wheelchair racing. Every time he goes to visit, Sonic will keep pace with the young athlete and take a few laps on the track. Miles thinks that Sonic is a rockstar and hopes to be as fast as him one day.

And finally, Sonic sees both Tom and Maddie as his heroes. He had grown up watching from afar, vowing to be just like the two of them when he was an adult. They were always quick to help people first and make sure that everyone was seen and heard and loved. He saw them both with golden hearts and loved how they also were quick to help the animals in town. More importantly, when he moved in with them, he thanked them for accepting them in their hearts and for saving his life.

Thank you for the suggestion! I’m sorry that this took a while, I wanted to make sure that I had some good ones to share. I’ve been getting some really interesting HC ideas recently and I want them to appear good! Thank you for stopping by, I absolutely LOVE your headcanon! Stay safe for me, okay? You matter.❤️

[awaytoday]

wild that americans are liking space sweepers so much when the reaction in korea seems largely lukewarm. it’s honestly a very typical korean film with a lot of cliches that you see in a lot of movies essentially just to get box office numbers up. not saying that you’re not allowed to like it, it’s just weird to see cliches that are so overused in korean media do well in the u.s. because they’re so different from the cliches in hollywood films. it’s also not nearly as progressive as american media is making it out to be. uhhh rant under the cut bc i have Thoughts

i’ve also been seeing a lot about train to busan (bc hollywood is stupid and thought it would be a good idea to make a u.s. (read: white) remake) but if you’ve seen that movie too, you’ll know what i’m talking about when i say space sweepers has a lot of typical korean cliches. both movies follow the same blueprint: fucked up man finds himself in a dangerous situation and learns how to be a better father to his cute kid while fighting baddies with his crew. it’s always the father in these movies who get labelled as heroes for protecting their kids (usually daughters) when actual fathers in korea don’t do shit and the burden of childcare is always put on women. this type of behavior is expected from women, so it’s not considered interesting to write a story about a woman who goes through the same ordeal. this gets at another point, which is that apocalyptic movies always cast the most privileged people as their main characters and people sympathize with those characters, but they blatantly shun the real people in real society who face the same or similar problems in real life.

there’s a quote that gets at this in ruha benjamin’s race after technology: “The 'unbearable Whiteness' of sci-fi expresses itself in the anxiety underlying so many dystopian visions that, if we keep going down this road, 'We're next.' Whether it's Keanu Reeves in The Matrix, Chris Evans in Snowpiercer—all characters whose Whiteness, maleness, straightness, and (let's just admit) cuteness would land them at the top of the present social order—they all find themselves in a fictional future among the downtrodden. Viewers, in turn, are compelled to identify with the future oppression of subordinated White people without necessarily feeling concern for the 'old' underclasses in our midst.” in korea, since most people are the same race/ethnicity, the most privileged group is men and the group that is consistently being ignored is women (and i’m not at all saying there’s no racism in korea but that’s a whole nother topic that warrants a 5 page essay i’m not willing to write right now lmao). the men in these movies always get the sympathy and we are given the illusion of progress (i.e. see look how caring these men are! gender equality achieved <3) while women in korea are being actively discriminated against (being shunned for lacking ‘motherly love’ if they decide to pursue a career, politicians saying women aren’t giving birth to enough children and blaming the population decline on them, etc.). isn’t it interesting that snowpiercer, mentioned in the ruha benjamin quote, was directed by bong joon ho? in korea, korean men are analogous to white men in the rest of the world (there are even korean men who essentially think of themselves as honorary white people. again, a lot more i can say about this but i won’t).

also, about the trans robot character. the actor who plays her is known for his comedy acting and the director literally said in an interview that he thought it would be funny to have that actor’s voice paired with the visuals of the actress who played her at the end of the movie. i get that a lot of people are relating to her and that’s fine, but just know that the director is not on our side and is very much intending to make fun of trans people. it’s like that transphobic guy in animation who keeps accidentally making his characters trans or how disney made mulan but is still very much homophobic and transphobic. it’s ok to relate to those characters, but let’s not give the creators too much credit.

i guess what i’m saying is that after parasite it feels like a lot of non-koreans are over-praising korean media solely bc it’s media created by poc. while it’s good to support poc and their art, it feels very weird to me to see all this praise when the creators of this art are very much part of the most privileged group within their own society, and are using their art to discriminate against groups that are more marginalized than they are. trans people in korea are not happy with the representation in space sweepers because it is clear to them that that storyline was intended to be funny and ridiculous. feminists in korea are not satisfied with kim taeri’s character because they essentially just girlboss-ed her, and i don’t think this movie even passes the bechdel test.

yes, on the global stage there is a heavy bias toward white creators and thus these korean creators, as poc, are discriminated against. what i’m saying is that at times it feels like americans are being all ‘uwu these poc are amazing and perfect and can do no harm.’ it feels like they’re supporting this media without adequate criticism.

[adamwatchesmovies]

Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)

The movie should really be called “Francis Ford Coppola’s Bram Stoker’s Dracula” as the story stays mostly faithful to the original novel until it doesn't. Oh well. This is one of the most stylish and ominous horror films you can set your eyes upon. It oozes dread and terror through spectacular camera work, art direction, and special effects.

In 1897, a property solicitor named Jonathan Harker (Keanu Reeves) travels to Transylvania at the request of the bizarre Count Dracula (Gary Oldman). He realizes too late Dracula is a vampire, a blood-sucking monster who wishes to move to England and feed on its unsuspecting citizens. The Count develops a particular appetite for Jonathan’s fiancée, Mina (Winona Ryder). Their only hope is an eccentric expert on the supernatural named Van Helsing (Anthony Hopkins).

Every single detail in the sets and costumes feels purposeful and adds to the overall look. The way lightning bolts take the shape of grasping claws, the shadows who move in otherworldly ways, the design of the ruined castle as Jonathan approaches it. This Transylvania is a world of nightmares, where a century-old vampire has been sitting on a cyclopean throne and feeding on the population not only literally, but metaphorically as well. In a place like London, where thousands of unprepared victims reside, it would be disastrous. It's frightening, but never so obvious (until it’s far too late) that Jonathan should've left the instant he arrived. High praises to cinematographer Michael Ballhaus and the costume, sets, makeup, and special effects department for achieving this feeling.

Playing Dracula in his numerous forms is Gary Oldman, who is outstanding. He is able, even through tons of makeup, a huge, elaborate wig, and an extravagant costume to create a complete character. If you didn’t know any better, you’d swear they cast three different people as Dracula. While I’m not crazy about a tragic love element added to the film, in practice, it works to turn Dracula into a complicated, even tragic predator. Some of the “classic” Dracula moments, like the first time we realize how much blood means to the creature, have never been done better, not even by Bela Lugosi.

If we’re going to talk about the cast, we must address Keanu Reeves as Jonathan Harker. He isn’t quite up to the role. His English accent isn’t very good, but you can why Coppola said yes to him anyway. Remember, the film is set in 1897. In those days, the proper thing to do was court for two years before taking “the big step” and kissing. In this world, people are stiff and unemotional. Reeves excels in these roles. He highlights the sex appeal and otherworldly nature of an uninhibited Dracula. Would the movie be better if they had cast someone else? Probably. Is he a fatal stake through the picture's heart? No.

The supporting cast is also strong. Winona Ryder and Anthony Hopkins are both excellent. Sadie Frost as Lucy, Tom Waits as Renfield (who’s always been a favorite character of mine), Billy Campbell and Cary Elwes as allies in the struggle against Dracula play critical roles. Even the mostly dialogue-free brides of Dracula (Monia Bellucci, Michaela Bercu, and Florine Kendrick) stand out thanks to their awesome entrance. They effectively set the mood for what is ultimately a frightening and erotic fever dream.

This twist on the classic horror icon has layers and a lot of presence. The visuals can’t be beaten. I’ve focussed on the special effects, sets, makeup, and costumes, but the cinematography and editing are equally strong. Every little element of Bram Stoker’s Dracula is working in perfect unison to generate an eerie atmosphere upon which (mostly) solid actors in juicy roles have been placed to tell a timeless story. (On Blu-ray, June 26, 2015)

[jedilukeskywalkers]

But like Dev Patel is hot, beautiful and husband at the same time and i thought men could be one or two things but not thr three!! At the same time. Like i proved to you?

Remi Hii, Ezra Miller, Luke Pasqualino, Michael B Jordan? Beautiful all three of them. On occasions even HOT but more beautiful that would inspire paintors to abandon their wives and face public shame to run after them. But You wont like have a family with them?

Rodrigo Santoro, Idris Elba, Henry Golding, all the white male cast from greys anatomy? HOT would inspire torrid romance bodice ripper scene. Would fuck them in a dark alley and fix my skirt on the way out while they put my panties on their pocket. They arent BEAUTIFUL. They are hot...you would get horny thinking about them and their not particularly perfect but definetly hot features.

Husband material? Keanu reeves i guess? Nice calming energy after a hard day, Chiwetel ejiofor would provide you with warm and love until your old age, adam driver would hunt and feed your children, you will never growth hungry. But none of them are particularly pretty nor hot...like not literally.

Dev Patel tho? Beautiful face just perfectly matched? Soft dark dark curls...crying inducing to soft repressed poets. Would easily play patrochlus in any movie. Women can and will wail at his feet he he threatens to leave them...I WOULD WAIL AT HIS FEET i cant live my life without my life how can you abandon me?

All.the.beauty.and.drama.that.comes.with.it.

But you would also cheat your husband that has not touched you in...a week...because dev patel height is 1,90 u know? Like he can sneak out with you to the bathrooom and fuck you agaisnt the door while your husband prepares dinner.

He can look at you like he doesnt know if he should kill you or what he has blood on his hands he is not afraid to kill but hey you are now getting on your knees ready to convince his dick he should kill your husband and let you run away with him...because you might leave short lives but hell you will get truly fucked by this dark prince

But also dev patel will ask you to marry him while you are in your car eating hot dogs while is pouring outside. He will say "hey whay if we marry?" As if it just sounds like a cool idea and he is sure nothing wrong will come of it. And you will say yes because of the way he looks at you when he cleans thr mustard off your lips. And in that moment you realize you can and will die at a 130 yo sorrounded by your beautiful sons and daughters that all took after that BEAUTIFUL HOT man that you fucked in a rest stop bathroom and is now holding your hand while you pass away together bye

[discountshostakovich]

How to make Be More Chill a good musical

Be More Chill is a show I have a huge soft spot for- it’s a fantastic premise (both the idea of the Squip and the elements of parodying all the shitty tropes we have in stories about youth) and there’s some pretty clever and fun music.

However, in the transition to Broadway, the producers of the show compounded on the flaws of the original, while moving farther away from what made the Two River version likable- most notably, trying to pander to the fans of the show that boosted it into popularity on social media. Not even a bad idea, but they did it really poorly. The way they ought to have gone was to rewrite the leading characters, among other stuff.

But first, I’ll quickly go over what works about Be More Chill that spoke to me when I first stumbled upon it- defining the paradigm of the concept makes it easier to understand why I’d change what I’d change.

Be More Chill, in a lot of ways, is/was a deconstruction of the School Musical- think Mean Girls, Legally Blonde, Dear Evan Hansen, and, to an extent, Heathers. That deconstruction is pretty half baked because it focuses too hard on being funny, but all of the pieces are there. For example, Jeremy being the stooge that he is allows for some commentary about the nature of the milquetoast, inherently relatable protagonists we’ve gotten too used to. Michael, the stereotypical best friend who would do anything for the protagonist, is a vessel for the show to ask us to think about the plot-devicey nature of these characters- are they people with feelings, or do they exist for the protagonist to bounce off of? The ever-present trio of popular girls seem to be bratty queen bees, but we get to peek into the dysfunction and insecurities that drive that behavior. (This is the pretty much the only aspect the Broadway show nailed almost perfectly.) You get the idea for the other archetypes- the immaculate Love Interest, Dorky Dad, Jock, Bully, etc.

Keeping that in mind, the way to make this a good show is to reframe Be More Chill as a revision of the cultural staple of those tropes into a modern context. Those rewrites I mentioned start to really fit into a more cohesive and satisfying narrative when you do so.

Character rewrites: Michael and Christine, as they are now, exist as characters that enable Jeremy to develop- realistically, yes, that is the job of every supporting character, but that doesn’t exclude them from having their own arcs and development.

Michael: Michael in The Bathroom is so effective- not only is it a punch in the gut, but it’s a big moment where the archetype is ripped open and the audience realizes that Michael actually matters and how harmful Jeremy’s actions are. However, the show does nothing with that- Michael goes right back to existing solely for Jeremy. For Michael, I’d suggest that his ending isn’t just straight up forgiving Jeremy unconditionally- Michael is willing to take the shot, to come in and save the day, perhaps in a reprise of MITB where he decides that he’ll be brave enough to confront his friend’s stupid actions. After working with Jeremy in the Play, he is reassured that he and Jeremy are good friends who work well, but he makes it clear to Jeremy how hurt he was by his treatment and that Jeremy needs to be a better friend. As such, Michael learns that he is worth being treated well by others and most importantly himself. That gives him an arc- he starts dependent on Jeremy, anxious, and using his love for his friend as an excuse to ignore his own issues, and ends having learned how to healthily give and take in a relationship and to respect himself.

Christine: Christine, on the other hand, is an object on a pedestal for Jeremy to attain and literally almost nothing else. There’s a little bit to her- Christine is afraid of life skipping her by, and wants “things to be easy”. So, instead of being the cardboard cutout she is, Christine should be motivated by finding the easiest way to meet her self-imposed standards of being fulfilled- successful at Theater and in a happy relationship. This characterization displays the problematic nature of the generic love interest for love interest’s sake. Christine dates Jake not because Jeremy needs a motivator to embrace the squip, but because she’s afraid and lonely. “A Guy I’d Be Into” and “Upgrade” would feel disingenuous and artificial, which both explores how wrong Christine’s forcing a relationship is, and the trope-y teeny bopper song. At the end of the show, she fights to break put of the trance, which leads the Squip to bring up Jake, offering Christine the chance to become that fulfilled person she dreams of. Christine refuses, and she becomes the one to deactivate the Squips. That way, both Christine and Michael’s decisions to do the best thing allow them to be heroes alongside Jeremy. (Jeremy’s moment of redemption comes anyway, when he decides to try and break the Squips hold on the school, but fails because of his previous surrendering of control to the machine.) When Jeremy finally gathers the strength to ask her out, she declines, saying that she doesn’t really know Jeremy all that well and that she just isn’t ready for a relationship- but she won’t close the door. So, her arc goes from feeling helpless and needing to meet arbitrary standards to finding the independence she wants for the rest of the world in herself.

Jeremy: Christine and Michael’s new arcs, of course, both define the growth Jeremy needs to undergo perfectly. Jeremy needs to learn how to expect respect from others and for himself, and he needs to learn that dating Christine and being popular aren’t the keys to his happiness. As a result, the supporting cast enables Jeremy’s development by teaching him by example while still being relevant and alive characters. However, Jeremy doesn’t deserve the happy ending he gets. I addressed that he shouldn’t magically become all chummy with Michael and Chrstine already, but Jeremy’s decision to decline the Squip only earns him the chance for redemption. It makes no sense that everything is perfect with his dad and the rest of the school all declaring themselves his unconditional friends. Brooke should be rightfully upset at being used by Jeremy, Mr Heere should be furious at Jeremy for his misbehavior, and so on. Jeremy made the mess, and it will be a lot harder for him to earn forgiveness. At the end of the story, Jeremy should instead come to the conclusion that he has a long way to go to become happy, and begin the climb to self improvement- the current resolution is only half of that. (“Of all the voices in my head, the loudest one is mine/So I guess I’ll start the uphill climb/It might be hard but that’s just fine! [Im no lyricist, but you get the idea.]) So, the story ends on a high note, with the people who did the right thing succeeding, and Jeremy repairing the damage he’s done and to earn his happiness- a modern refinement of the ending of these kinds of stories, thus completing the deconstruction.

Other stuff:

Transitioning away from character fixes, the show has an awful flow from song to song- numbers like Halloween and the Smartphone Hour are vestigial little criticisms of youth culture that jack up the pacing of the thing and rip you out of the story. You know something is wrong when someone burning down a house is irrelevant to the plot. The way I’d fix that is to more closely involve Jeremy in those parts of the plot. Jeremy should immerse himself fully in the party, singing his own lyrics about his transition into the lifestyle the Squip wants for him. The audience can be aware of how dangerous this is- the drugs and alcohol at the party, the gossip loop about rich, Jeremy’s awful treatment of Brooke, and so on, but Jeremy is invested in it and loving it. That makes his decision to fight the Squip after seeing Christine’s disgust at him taking one that much more impactful- it’s the turning point of the show, and yet it is irrelevant in the plot compared to the Play.

The show tries to be too much to be liked by its younger fans- Loser, Geek, Whatever is the worst example of this. Just because a line  makes someone go “SKDKSDSKDJSKDS MICHAEL IS SO GAY I CANT” or “JEREMY IS SUCH A GOOD PORTRAYAL OF G.A.D. OMG” online doesn’t mean it’s good writing. Some other examples where pandering ruins stuff: the “Do you love him?” joke in the Pants Song, “My mothers would be thrilled!”, that god awful ADD joke in Play Rehearsal, Rich coming out as bisexual.

I love the idea that the squip adopts the persona of someone it knows the victim will trust and idolize- it’s great worldbuilding that lets the viewer participate in the story by thinking about who theirs would be. However, that doesn’t mean you go all in on the Keanu Reeves joke! Jason Tam’s quip is so bad! Stop the stupid Keanu/Surfer voice! Please!

[occasionalfics]

hi so i haven’t made any real posts in a while bc i haven’t really been writing that much but i wanted to just post SOMETHING for y’all to interact with

anyway, if you don’t know, i have a youtube channel and i’ve been watching (almost) every movie that chris evans is in because i love him and reviewing them for my channel and i thought i’d give a rundown of the movies i’ve seen so far (including ones i haven’t rewatched for the channel yet because i’m not gonna link to the videos - if you really want to watch, message me) so maybe you could decide which ones are worth your time and/or money 😂

for this, i’ll give a brief description, my general thoughts, and a score from 1-10 (1 being unwatchable and 10 being PEAK cinema)

i’m keeping things very light on spoilers, meaning there might be one or two overall but not for every movie.

so here we go:

The Newcomers (2000) - some indie movie with no theatrical release about a family that moves from boston to vermont because of money troubles. chris is in it for like 5 minutes and he’s honestly the second best part (second to a dog only). 3/10, mostly boring but not offensive.

Not Another Teen Movie (2001) - i feel like everyone has seen this. it’s a spoof of 80′s and 90′s teen movies (namely she’s all that and cruel intentions). chris plays the main love interest and he’s definitely funny enough to pull off the part but it’s not really my thing. 4/10.

The Perfect Score (2004) - this is the first time chris and sc*rj* worked together. 6 high school kids fail the SATs so instead of retaking them, they sneak into a government building and steal the answers. it’s an mtv movie and it’s...fine? not great, not special, but...very early aughts mtv for sure. 4/10

Cellular (2004) - an action flick where chris plays a regular dude who gets a call from a woman who’s been kidnapped, and then has to keep communications up with her in order to save her and take down some corrupt cops. surprisingly funny, i had a great time watching, would recommend! 7/10

Fierce People (2005) - i think this was another indie movie without a theatrical release. based on a book that, from the reviews of both, is identical, i think because the author of the book was also the screenplay writer. and that’s probably why this movie sucked. bby anton yelchin (rip) gets caught scoring drugs for his mom, and because she has connections to this super rich dude, they end up going to live in new jersey with his weirdass family instead of bby anton going to jail. chris’s character is not who you think he is. content warnings for drugs, rape, and murder. overall boring, not what it thinks it is, 4/10

Fantastic Four (2005) - okay everyone’s seen these. i actually hate both of these FF movies, but chris as johnny storm is the only shinning light in either. reed is the WORST and sue is treated like eye candy. 4/10 for johnny storm alone.

London (2005) - literally the worst movie i have ever seen. i hate london. also an indie movie, very misogynistic, very pretentious and self-important. lonely emo boy does drugs with random people in a bathroom at a party he was not invited to INTENTIONALLY, in the hopes that he will win over his ex girlfriend, who he repeatedly emotionally abused while they were together, even though the party is literally in honor of her moving across the country. and she didn’t want him there. please never, ever bother watching london and talking about it online - fuckbois will attempt to tell you that you know nothing repeatedly. 1/10, worst film ever made.

TMNT (2007) - does this need an introduction? chris plays casey, but the movie’s really about the turtles. honestly the writing kind of relies on you knowing a lot about the turtle lore and overall it’s a boring but ultimately harmless film. it’s just really not worth your time. 2/10

Sunshine (2007) - ONE OF THE BEST MOVIES I HAVE EVER SEEN, I HAVE NOT  STOPPED THINKING ABOUT SUNSHINE IN OVER A YEAR. 8 astronauts are on a mission to ignite a nuclear bomb into the dying heart of our sun. but it’s a space film so shit goes wrong and, one by one, they start dying. very tense, very sad. the biggest complaint all around is that the first 2/3s of the movie are one genre and the last 3rd is a completely different movie, and yet it’s STILL amazing. please watch (if you can handle a space thriller)! 8/10

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007) - a very bad follow up to a very bad origin movie. not even andre braugher could save this one. reed is really mean to johnny for no reason and i hate his guts. 3/10

The Nanny Diaries (2007) - second time appearing alongside sc*rj*. she’s the main character. an anthropology student takes on a nannying job for an upperclass family in new york, but the job ends up being more than she bargained for. chris plays harvard hottie, her upstairs neighbor who is THE BEST BOY. i loved this movie. 8/10

Battle for Terra (2007) - a very weird but very good animated movie about humans attempting to colonize an alien planet because we were stupid enough to destroy earth, venus, and mars. lots of big names on the cast list for a movie that not many people saw, but it goes ham in the “fuck colonizers” theme. overall, a surprising joy. 6.5/10

Street Kings (2008) - well this was directed by david ayer so my friend and i went into this with very low expectations and it didn’t even meet that bar. keanu reeves plays a sad and angry corrupt cop who almost kind of gets framed for killing another cop, and then spends a good chunk of the runtime just hunting down other corrupt cops without doing anything about his own corruption. it’s copaganda, but very bad copaganda. also chris dies. fuck this movie, don’t waste your time. this is another one where the fanboys will come for you if you say a bad thing about it on the internet, 2/10

The Loss of a Teardrop Diamond (2008) - another indie that apparently caught the eye of kevin fiege? i don’t really know why because chris’s character is very bland and the movie overall is nothing special. tennessee williams wrote the screenplay before he died in the 80′s and then this was made and nothing about it was changed. it’s basically straight people in the 20′s in the south being weird and rude. a rich girl pays a hot poor boy to escort her to parties after a huge scandal was caused by her father. she loves the poor boy but he doesn’t return the feelings and everyone’s sad, dying, or mean. skip it, honestly. 4/10

Push (2009) - honestly, an underrated movie that so often gets shit on because of x-men. push is so good! a telekinetic man meets a young girl who can see the future, who tells him that if he helps her find her mom, they’ll also come into $6 million. they run into his ex and the government department trying to control people with powers, and shit ensues. chris’s chemistry with dakota fanning as big brother/little sister is adorable and i need more people to talk about it. 8/10, very worth your time.

The Losers (2010) - apparently went up against some other star-studded action flick with a similar plot at the time of release and suffered for it, but other than that, this is a fun romp with lots of character. a team of militiamen are framed for an international scandal and forced to go underground until a mysterious woman helps them exact revenge on the billionaire who framed them so they can go back to their families. chris plays one of the secondary characters and he’s PERFECT. best character in the whole movie! you’ve probably seen the “don’t stop believing”/”lethal killing machine” scene around tumblr before - that’s just how his character is the whole movie and it’s great. definitely recommend! 7/10

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (2010) - we’ve all seen it. lucas lee is the best. there are lots of problems in the word choice and some of the moral quandaries but overall, an enjoyable ode to videogames and comic books. 6.5/10

Puncture (2011) - once again, an indie film with very little theatrical release. WHOOOH though. this movie. SO GOOD! two personal injury lawyers take on a case when a nurse is accidentally pricked on the job and contracts AIDS. they take on a huge pharmaceutical supply company in the hopes of manufacturing and creating a legal standard for using safety needles to protect frontline medical workers, all while chris’s character is dealing with being an addict. based on a true story, honestly   one of chris’s best performances (and that’s across the board). you can  rent it cheap from youtube and it’s totally worth it. 7.5/10

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) - i mean. it’s cap. honestly this movie feels a little long even though it’s not. overall it’s a good, enjoyable movie and watching it all the way through reminded me of why bucky was so important. 7/10

What's Your Number? (2011) - okay honestly i love this movie? a woman is slutshamed by her sister’s friends and then embarks on a journey through her past relationships to find her soulmate, only to realize that it doesn’t matter how many men she’s slept with because the right one really won’t give a damn and neither should she. everyone’s seen naked collin around tumblr. he’s a good boy. mostly. 7/10

The Avengers (2012) - so i can appreciate that this was like THE event movie of the summer of 2012 but it is LONG and there’s still so much spy shit i don’t understand. my friends and i also think that j*ss wh*d*n oversimplifies most of the characters, and ultimately the writing isn’t super strong. the performances are, for sure, but it’s still not as great of a movie as i thought it was when i was a senior in high school. 7/10

The Iceman (2012) - also an indie? based on a true story. a man (played by michael shannon) is recruited by the mob to be a hitman, and then something happens where they don’t want to pay him or something, so he starts doing a shady job with another hitman (played by chris) to support his family. overall it’s a boring film but michael and chris were both really good! watch it if you like dark mob movies, michael shannon, or winona ryder. 3/10

Snowpiercer (2013) - this movie, no pun intended, is a RIDE. poor people at the back of a train containing the last living human beings revolt against the bourgeoise. everyone’s dirty and tired and hungry. weird shit happens, but ultimately, this was SO worth the watch (and the money i spent on the blu-ray)!  7/10

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014) - still my favorite cap movie. excellent characterization, maybe the only time i cared about natasha. the plot should be an avengers movie given that shield is a team concern, but i will stand by the winter soldier aspect of this movie til i die. 8/10

Before We Go (2014) - an indie movie that chris directed (his directorial debut)! it’s...cute, i guess. it’s not harmful in any way, but also not special in any way. flustered woman misses her train, cute musician in the station offers to help her navigate NYC. they talk about feelings and their pasts and what they’re running from and toward. it’s fine. 6/10

Playing It Cool (2014) - indie? i don’t know?? screenplay writer (chris) wants to write action films but keeps getting hired to write romcoms, then he finds himself IN a romcom. it’s okay. some people think it’s terribly misogynistic which i didn’t find it to be, but it’s also just...kinda bland. 4/10

Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015) - my least favorite avengers movie. i genuinely hate how ultron was handled and this movie has never once made me sympathize with the maximoffs. except for when steve defends their choice to allow experimentation to be done so they could defend their country. uh the party at the beginning is the best part, full stop. 3/10

Captain America: Civil War (2016) - this isn’t a cap film. he has no character growth. this is an avengers film at best. i also take issue with how much of this movie is really just two movies forced into one. bucky gets the short end of the deal in the overall mcu and this is really where that starts. 5/10

Gifted (2017) - PLEASE. WATCH. GIFTED. a former philosophy professor gives up his career to raise his niece, but when his mother attempts to gain custody, he has to fight for the person he loves most in the world. one of the most heartfelt, genuine movies ever. chris and mckenna grace have SUCH good chemistry. bonus octavia spencer (also in snowpiercer). 10/10

Avengers: Infinity War (2018) - probably my favorite avengers movie. great stakes. amazing acting. THE BEARD!!! 8/10

Knives Out (2019) - WHOOO BITCH. TOP TIER. ransom drysdale could do whatever he wants to me and normally, i don’t “date” villains. 9/10

Endgame (2019) - the lesser infinity war. i’m not a fan of time jumps and also hate fatphobia. thor was mistreated and i can’t forgive that.

[fanficsrusz]

Love Rekindled - Keanu Reeves Oneshot

A/n: not one of my best works but this was requested anon. I wrote it on my lunch break instead of doing the work i needed to do 😅 oops. Oh well please enjoy. 😊

__________

The year was 1991 and y/n was a 16 year old up and coming moving star. Women wanted to be her and men wanted to be with her. She was beautiful to say the least with her y/e/c eyes and y/h/c hair that framed her face perfectly.

 All of this had happened in the space of a year. One measly year. 

This time last year she was just a shop assistant in a clothing store and then one day a casting agent came in saying how she was "the perfect fit" for a new film she was casting for called 'point break'

At first she thought that the woman was playing an elaborate prank on her and that there would be no way anyone would want her in a film. She thought it was no more than just a scam and so she turned the agent down. She left but not before giving y/n her card with her name and phone number on.

Returning home that night she couldn't get the woman out of her mind and looked her up. To her shock, she was a real casting agent and point break was an actual film. Y/n sat on her bed for hours contemplating what she should do and after talking with her mum, she decided to give the agent a call. That was the day her life changed forever. 

On the set of the movie she had met her co stars. But one stood out to her the most. Keanu Reeves. he was handsome, kind, funny and she fell for him instantly. She thought  that someone like him would date someone like her. Not only that but there was still a bit of an age difference between them so Instead she just made friends, dismissing any feelings she might have for the man. 

However, she was pleasantly surprised when one day keanu had asked her out and that's when the celebrity romance blossomed. The two went everywhere together and it was evident that they were truly in love. They were big news, their pictures were on practically every magazine available, even when they did interviews, a question about their relationship would pop up. 

But that all changed 3 years later when a woman claimed that she had slept with keanu when he went on a small trip somewhere. It broke y/n's heart and she didn't know what to do. The worst thing about it was that keanu denied it but for some reason y/n couldn't bring herself to believe him. She knew that the whole relationship was too good to be true. 

It seemed like the whole world had an opinion on what she should do. 'I think y/n and keanu should split' 'no they should stay together' 'y/n would be an idiot if she left keanu. She's nothing without him'. The comments came daily and she just wanted to disappear and so she decided to split from the man, going her own way. They were both devastated but what could they have done. 

28 years later

Y/n sat in her agents office and looked down at the script. "you've been contemplating doing this film for 3 weeks now. it's a great film y/n you should do it" her agent moaned handing her a bottle of water. Y/n looked at the script and she smiled. It had been a while since she had a script that excited her, but she still liked to be sure it was a film she really wanted to do. Never before had a character fitted her so well and so she made up her mind. 

She sighed before leaning forward, placing the script on the table "sure. What the hell" she smiled "yeah that's the y/n i know" her agent laughed as she stood up, making her way over to the actress. "ok so you need to be at the table reading in two days in New York. I'll book your flight for you and arrange everything. All you need to do is turn up and learn your lines" she began to usher y/n to the door, barely giving her time to gather her bag and script. 

Y/n smiled to herself as she made her way out of the agency and towards her home. 

As she walked down the street, her mind wandered. As much as she loved acting, it was tiring with all the travelling and box offices. What would she be doing right now if she never accept that acting job all those years ago. She shook her head and was brought back to reality when a camera flashed in her face and paparazzi surrounded her. She tried her best to smile and answer a few questions that were shouted at her. 

As she pushed past the last few people, a guy stepped in front of her shoving a mic in her face. "IS IT TRUE YOU JUST ACCEPTED A ROLE IN THE SAME FILM THAT KEANU REEVES IS IN? ARE YOU TWO DATING AGAIN??" the man shouted over the noise of the other reporters and it caught y/n off guard. how on earth could he even know that. I literally just accepted it' she thought to herself. She pushed past him and rushed into her apartment complex, relieved that she was away from the paparazzi. 

She couldn't deny the fact that she missed keanu but that was so long ago and what would be the chances of her having the chance to be in a film with him again? 

The reporters words lingered in her mind for the rest of the night, she half wanted the reporter to be right that he was in the film with her and half wanted him to be wrong. She sat on her sofa watching some film, trying to forget about keanu but as much as she wanted to forget about the incident earlier she couldn't. She leaned forward and eyed her phone that laid next to her. She bite her lip contemplating if she wanted to find out if he would be in the film with her.

 "fuck it" she mumbled to herself after several minutes of deciding. She called her agents and soon her cheery voice could be heard through the other end. 

"y/n? Why are you calling me?" y/n was hesitant at first but soon asked the important question. "is keanu reeves my co-star?" her agent was silent before y/n heard her sigh. "yes he is. But the job offer is too good to turn down" there was silence for a few seconds. "do you still want to do the film?" y/n fell back onto the sofa and thought for a second "of course i do" "great. I'll see you in two days on your flight". Y/n hung up after saying a quick goodbye and closed her eyes. "Why God" she moaned, closing her eyes, slightly regretting accepting the job offer. However deep down, she was excited to see her long lost lover. 

___

Y/n pulled her suitcase over to the waiting area in the airport. Her plane would leave in 2 hours and all she wanted to do was sleep. She wore a simple white blouse with some skinny blue jeans. Her outfit was simple yet classy. She moved her hair over her shoulders and got comfy as her anxiety began to quick in. After so many years of being a celebrity and flying to different countries, anyone would have thought she had gotten over her fear of flying, but nope she still hated it. 

She popped in an earphone and began to listen to some music as a last attempt to calm her nerves. 

Within an hour her gate had been opened and she was able to board the plane. She walked slowly in line and waited for her turn. As she crossed her arms, she could sense someone behind her. at first she thought nothing of it, but then she heard it. His deep, soothing voice that called out to her. "y/n long time no see" she froze in spot before turning around slowly. She looked up the man in front of her. Keanu stood there, slight stubble and long hair made him look godly and his simple outfit of jeans and a shirt was a dream come true. She wanted to cry and run but she also wanted to hug him, missing how he used to make her feel. She pushed her emotions down and chose to remain professional. She smiled sweetly "keanu. It's nice to see you again". She envied the way he managed to look so calm, imaging that she looked like a sweaty mess. Keanu smiled and pulled her into an unexpected hug. "you still look as young as the day we first met" he laughed and y/n just smiled "good genes I guess" she tried to hide the blush that spread across her cheeks. she hated the way he made her feel like the 16 year old girl that met him all those years ago. Who was she kidding, she still loved the man for God's sake. 

Keanu smirked at the woman's nervousness and pointed behind her. "I think it's time for us to board". She tried to compose herself as she walked on the plane, quickly finding her seat next to the window. How was she going to cope with filming a whole entire film with him when she could barely deal with talking to him for two minutes.

Y/n closed her eyes and relaxed into her seat, hoping no one would sit next to her, but her dreams were soon short lived when she felt the pressure of someone next to her.

Opening her eyes, y/n groaned as she looked to see keanu smiling at her. "what are you doing?" she whispered and keanu began to rummage through his bad. "I swapped with someone. I thought it would be nice if we could…. Get to know each other again" he pulled a small bag of mints out of his bag and offered one to her. She looked at him confused and he turned to her. "you told me they helped you relax on flights".

Y/n was taken back by his words and she blinked a few times before replying. "keanu i told you that 20 years ago". It was keanus turn to blush and he looked down. "what can i say. I have a good memory. '' Y/n smiled at the idea that keanu had remembered such a minuscule thing about her and even more at the fact that he had taken his time to actually go and buy the sweets for her. "thank you" she smiled and took one of the sweets from him, popping it in her mouth as the air stewardess began to explain the emergency protocols and within minutes, the plane was moving. 

Y/n gripped onto the armrest tightly, her knuckles turning white. Keanu notice and so turned to her, his face softened as he took in y/n's face. Her skin was still smooth, her eyes had life in them and she still looked beautiful. Well, despite the fact that she was terrified. "you're still the same" he hummed as he placed a hand on top of hers, feeling how she instantly relaxed under his touch. "how can you not be freaking out when we're thousands of meters up in the air and could crash at any second" she whispered trying to keep her cool "the plane is not going to crash" he sat back  and crossed his legs. Y/n turned to him "and what? You've seen the future? The hell do you know what's going to happen" sarcasm dripped from her tongue and she sounded rude, she didn't mean for it to come across that way, it just happened. She leant back and watched as keanu raised his eyebrow. "sorry" she whispered, regretting how she just snapped at him. She was terrified after all. "don't be sorry. It's like we never stopped talking. I kinda missed it". He spoke so suddenly and y/n didn't know how to respond. Instead she just turned to look out the window, all fear leaving her body and instead she was to busy thinking about keanus words. They excited her as well as scared her, more than death ever could. 

After the long flight, the plane arrived at its destination and y/n practically ran off the plane. She was relieved to be out of the death trap and back on land. She forgot all about keanu and sped walked to baggage claim and towards the exit. After what felt like forever, she was hailing a cab and would soon be heading to her hotel. 

"where to miss?" the cab driver ask "the royal blue ho-" y/n was cut off by the door opposite her opening and keanu slid in. "what the hell are you doing?" she asked and the cab driver just watched in the rear view mirror. Keanu shrugged and turned to the driver "royal blue hotel please". The cab driver nodded and pulled out. Y/n turned to keanu and stared at him. "care to explain?" she stared at him, trying to seem angry but not being able to restrain the small smile on her face. "we're staying at the same hotel. What's the issue?" he laughed and y/n faked annoyance once again. "how do you know what hotel im staying at?" keanu pulled out his phone before speaking. "it's not that hard when fanpages know EVERYTHING about you and i mean everything. Apparently they even know your bra size" keani laughed and y/n sat in shock'' I hate you" she hissed and turned to the window, watching as people and buildings flew past. 

The car ride to the hotel was mostly quiet after that and they were soon at the reception desk. Y/n pushed past keanu and spoke to the receptionist. "room for miss y/l/n" she spoke sweetly and the women typed on the computer before looking back up at her with a small frown. "im sorry miss y/l/n, there was an issue with your reservation. Your room has been double booked. Let me fix it for you" y/n was annoyed at this point, wanting nothing more than to have a nice long hot bath and get into bed. "im sorry, there are no available rooms here. If you want I ca -" the woman was cut off by keanu pushing y/n aside and standing in her place. "there's no need for that. She can share with me. Mr reeves" keanu smirked at y/n and the receptionist nodded, handing him the room key. 

Y/n's mouth hung open and stood there for a second not knowing what to do. Keanu pulled her arm towards the lift and she pulled away from him. "why did you do that? Do you have any idea what will happen if a reporter found out about this" she held her head in her hands, going through all the scenarios in her head and keanu just laughed as he pressed the floor number for their room. "y/n relax. No one will know" he reassured her. 

If she was honest that was not what she was most scared of. She was really scared of the fact of facing the harsh reality of coming to terms that she still loved keanu. 

Pushing open the hotel door. Y/n dragged her suitcase to the double bed and placed it on top of it, unpacking a few items. "you can have the bed if you want, I can take the couch" keanus voice said to her calmly. Y/n snorted "and what have you moan in the morning that your old man body hurts. No thank you. We can just sleep head to toe" 

When she turned around, she jumped to see keanu stood only a few meters from her, his hand was extended towards her offering her a glass of whisky in hand. She looked at it momentarily before accepting it, she needed a good drink in order to calm her nerves. 

She walked away from him and towards the balcony doors, throwing them open unable to stand the heat in the bedroom. 

Keanu followed behind her and leaned over the railings as he looked down. 

"you know i never really got over you" he said it so boldly and with ease, y/n couldn't believe her ears. "what." she asked and keanu moved closer to her, trapping her between the railings and his body. "you heard me. When you broke up with me all those years ago. I never got over it. You do realise that girl lied about sleeping with me?" y/n stood their stunned and all the memories of the pain came back and it felt like she was stabbed in the heart. "how was i supposed to know?" she looked down and he laughed. "do you really want to know what i was doing the night I apparently slept with her?" y/n looked into his eyes and nodded. Keanu stared deep into her eyes lovingly before saying his next words. "i was visiting your father. I asked him for his permission to marry you" he sounded defeated and y/ns heart broke. "if that's the case then why didn't he tell me? Why didn't you tell me? " keanu looked away from her "i don't know why but i thought it was the best thing to do so I made him promise me not to tell you. To keep you happy. I thought that it might be better for you in the long run. You had your whole life in front of you and I didn't want to ruin it. Looking back at it now it makes no sense" they both laughed. "keanu" she called and he turned to her as she grabbed his face, pulling him in close. She closed her eyes and kissed him, she felt his chest push against hers as his arms wrapped around her waist. Y/n pulled back first and looked at him before smiling. "you are a complete and utter idiot do you know that. Do you have any idea how much i love you. Why didn't you tell me the truth? I would have believed you then. We could have been married with kids by now" keanu shrugged and moved to kiss her again. "well how about we start again now? Just me and you. Let's postpone the filming and go out together. Explore the city a little" y/n smiled, agreeing to the idea immediately. "i would like the keanu". The pair kissed again before being interrupted by a loud commotion on the pavement below. The two pulled away and looked down, watching as flashing lights from cameras blinded them. "well, looks like we don't have to announce anything" keanu joked and y/n slapped his chest. She was happy that she had finally gotten a second chance of experiencing true love all over again.

The end

________

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Wonderwall Chapter 4

Chapter 1  Chapter 2  Chapter 3  

Keanu Reeves x Reader

“By now you should have somehow realized what you’ve got to do.” - Oasis

As we stumble through the front door of Y/n’s apartment, my lips find hers and already she’s pushing of my sport coat. My hands move to clumsily undo the zipper at the back of her mini skirt and we break temporarily to remove her delicate lace blouse and my t shirt. 

When Y/n pulls away, I quickly begin to miss the feeling of her body against mine. Taking my hand in hers, she leads me to her large bedroom, expertly maneuvering through the dark. Her room is faintly illuminated by the bright digital advertisements a few buildings away and the city lights. Once, Y/n had told me that this was one of her favorite parts of living in New York, the city always felt just as alive as she did, and at night, if you lived in the right place, the bright lights weren’t off-putting, they were enchanting. Arguably, she was more enchanting, but I might be biased.

In the low lighting, I admire her, feminine curves that may have been perfectly sculpted by the gods, soft, loose curls framing her delicate face, eyes, barely visible though I’m sure I could see the world in them without trying. Beauty unmatched.

Letting my hand go, Y/n fumbles with the buckle of my belt and as a result of the drinks we’ve had, coupled with the lack of proper lighting, it eventually takes our combined efforts to undo it. As I kick off my jeans along with my shoes, I pull Y/n to me, her naked chest pressing to mine as we meet in another feverish, passionate kiss. One of her hands tangle in my hair while the other grabs my shoulder. As we continue, Y/n stumbles backwards until she’s on the bed, laying beneath me.

Slowly, our bodies become intertwined and it’s hard to find where I end and she begins. She’s everything, and I hope I can communicate that by the way I touch her. Our pace is tantalizingly slow as I let myself get lost in Y/n. Soon enough, the only sounds I can make out are the ones coming Y/n. Her quiet moans as I rock against her, her praises and pleas. It’s all consuming and I’m sure I’ve never experienced anything quite like this. She’s perfect.

When I awake the next morning, its the start of a new year. The sunlight has filled the room, worsening the throbbing in my head. I feel terrible and even go as far as lying to myself by internally promising to never drink again.

Soft snores at my side break my thoughts. When I turn, I bring the sheets up to cover my modesty, gasping quietly as I realize that they’re coming from a very naked Keanu. So the hot sex wasn’t just a really realistic dream?

The slight throb between my legs confirms that it really wasn’t. When was the last time someone literally fucked me till it hurt? I can’t remember, not even Jacob’s that good. Curiously, I lift the sheet a little, peeking to make sure that I’ve got things right. And because, if its been in me, the least I can do is commit it to memory. Keanu’s turned on his side, and I doubt the position does him justice, but what I do see leave me muttering, “Holy fuck.”

Even though my words were barely a whisper, Keanu stirs and panic rises in my chest. What if he doesn’t remember? What if he wakes up and regrets it? God, what if I said something weird? Nope, I can’t do this. Definitely not doing this, at least not right now.

I release a sigh of relief when he settles again, turning to face the glass balcony door. As quietly, and in as little movements possible, I shuffle out of the bed, gabbing my robe from the chair at my vanity. As I tie the front, I can’ t help but admire the way the light casts a gentle glow on Keanu’s face. I can almost see the tiniest flecks of grey in his beard and I try to remember how it must have felt against my fingers and face. My eyes travel downward, the scar on his abdomen has the lightest shine and I again, the urge to touch him rises. But I know I shouldn’t, not until I figure out what I’m going to say. Just like that, he’s forbidden again. 

Coffee, you need coffee, I tell myself. Shaking myself out of distraction, I hurry to the bathroom, grabbing my toothbrush. I can brush my teeth in the guest bathroom. Afterwards, I head to the kitchen, smirking at articles of clothing scattered on the living room floor on my way there.

As I sip the bitter, warm liquid, the rich taste intermingles with the minty coolness of my toothpaste, providing familiar comfort.  I’m not sure how long I spend, sitting at the kitchen island enjoying the silence, but I do know that out of no where, my cell starts ringing leaving me scrambling to find it.

“Hello?” I breathe, huffing quietly. I didn’t even check to see who it was.

“Y/n, where the fuck have you been? You left to go to the bathroom and didn’t come back!” Jacob. Fuck. He sounds angry, but beneath it, there’s worry. “What happened?”

“Sorry. I lost you in the crowd and ended up leaving,” there goes the worst lie ever. 

I hear him sigh on the other end, and for a minute I remember that even when things are terrible, underneath it all, we always cared for each other. “I was worried. How’d you get home?”

I run a hand through my hair, trying to find an acceptable version of the truth, “Keanu helped me get a cab and made sure I got back.”

The silence stretches, “Okay,” I can almost hear the anger making a reappearance. “You could have called. Sent a fucking text, anything Y/n.”

Suddenly, I feel like a child being scolded and the feeling is followed by a nagging need to make things right again, “I know....I’m sorry Jacob. I just got busy and-”

When he cuts me off, Jacob is shouting, loud enough to make me jump, “You fucked him didn’t you?”

Flustered, knowing the truth, I stammered before blurting out, “I’m so sorry. We were drunk. Jake, it was an accident. It doesn’t even mean anything.” Before I realize it, I’m rambling on, begging him to not break up with me. The night before is suddenly forgotten and I’m terrified of the idea of losing him. He’s familiar, he’s the man I’ve loved for three years, I can’t give him up for unchartered territory with my best friend. It would be stupid.

Jacob sighs over the phone, clearly still upset. “I’ll be over by lunch. We’ll talk about this.” He doesn’t even give a minute to confirm and the line clicks dead.

I breath out loudly, tossing the phone to the sofa, then running my hands through my hair, blinking back tears. What am I doing? Quickly swiping my fingers beneath my eyes, I turn, jumping when I see Keanu standing in the doorway, clad only in his jeans from last night. The look on his face is one that I’ve never seen directed to me. Anger, hurt, disappointment. I swallow thickly, testing the waters. It can’t be that bad, right? “How much of that did you hear?”

He folds his arms across his chest, his biceps swelling in the gesture, “Enough to know that this was a mistake,” he pauses, scoffing, “Or you know, an accident that doesn’t mean anything.”

“Keanu-” 

He cuts me off, raising his hand for me to stop, “Don’t give me that, it’s not what it sounds like or the you didn’t mean it, because you know it’s bullshit.”

I sigh, defeated, “I don’t what to say,” although, I know that I should say something, fast, or our friendship will go up in flames, along with anything else that might be. I can’t lose him.

Keanu shakes his head and runs his hands through his hair. God, I wish I didn’t just fuck this up. Hell, I fucked this up last night. He’s my best friend and now he can barely look at me. “That’s cause there’s nothing to say Y/n.”

My mouth opens, but nothing escapes it. Shaking his head, Keanu grabs his shirt and jacket from off the hard wood floor. “Don’t go,” I finally manage to plea, even if I know it won’t make a difference. 

“Why?” He asks, his voice quiet, though I swear there’s pain behind it. I know what I said was unacceptable, but I still can’t fully comprehend why he’s so mad. I’ve never seen him this upset.

“Because....” I stammer, searching for anything that can fix this, “you're my best friend, I don't want you to leave.....” I trail of, my words dwindling to nothing. Frankly, it was probably for the better because I’m not sure if there are any words to fix this. I can’t explain what I don’t understand and right now don’t think I’m capable of understanding anything besides the plainly obvious right now. Maybe that’s why I can’t comprehend his anger. 

”No.” Keanu hits his thigh with his fist, “I mean, why do you keep going back to him? When he keeps showing you that he doesn’t give a fuck. When he treats you like shit. When you know it’s always going to end the same?” 

Deep down, I know he’s right. Jacob and I have always been.....unstable to say the least. No matter how well things are going, we always seem to be at war at some point. Accusations, threats and insults. But I can’t just let him go. Nothing worthwhile comes easy right? He’s familiar, we know each other. Even if I have feelings for Keanu, it could be nothing more than an immature crush. “Because I love him,” I breathe. “You don’t understand.”

“You’re right,” he shakes his head, his hands closing around the knob, “I don’t understand. I can’t, he doesn’t care and you’re so blind to the whole thing that you keep you keep chasing after him like some kind of broken puppy,” he spats.

I gasp, offended and even Keanu looks like he can’t believe what he’s just said. As he opens his mouth to say whatever he’s thinking, it’s my turn to cut him off. “Get out,” I point to the door, anger flaring and my voice breaking, “Get Out!”

The minute Keanu leaves, shutting the door behind him, I sink to the floor, sobbing loudly. My chest feels like the air had been siphoned out of me and I’m not sure if I should be mad or shocked. But I do know that I’m hurt. How could he say that? After everything. It felt like he was different person, one that I didn’t know. One that I don’t want to know.

Burying my face in my hands, I continue to sob, trying to come to terms with the fact that I may have just lost my best friend.

*****

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