#KNOWING FULL WELL IM IN A RELATIONSHIP but k

[voidcat]

God its kinda stupid that one message threw my mood off as if I wasnt in a bad enough headspace already

[st6rrrs]

JUST AS FRIENDS RIGHT? - SARAH X READER

summary: Sarah comes up with an idea

Warnings: smut 18+, scissoring, cursing, oral sex, nipple play, fingering,etc..

A/n: I never wrote girl on girl before so be patient with me. Reader is mixed

Sarah’s family were on vacation in the Bahamas. Sarah didn’t want to go so she stayed in the outer banks.

She invited you over for the week so she wouldn’t have to be home alone in that big house at night.

You guys were watching a movie on her bed side by side, it was 1 in the morning. Surprisingly you guys weren’t tired at all.

“Are you getting tired yet?” Sarah ask

“Nope, are you?”

“Not really im kinda bored” Sarah sighs thinking of something to do

“Me too” you reach out to get more popcorn on Sarah’s night stand to eat.

“You wanna watch porn?” She yells out almost making you cough up your popcorn. What the hell made Sarah ask a question like that.

“Um….”

“Have you ever watched it before? I heeded my brother and his friends talking about it.” She ask

“No but there teenage boys of course they would watch shit like” you laugh

“Yea I heard them watching it too. It sounded nasty to say the least.” She says also laughing a little

You and Sarah were both virgins. Sarah was in a relationship with topper but they haven’t had sex yet.

“What did it sound like?” You ask curious

“Um.. it sounded wet and a lotttt of moans and groans.” She says with excitement kind of

You make a face of disgust as she talks about it but secretly you could feel your panties getting wet.

“Yea I don’t think I’m ready for that. I heard it hurts.” You say unconvinced you’ll ever have sex.

“Well not if you have it with a girl.” She looks me in the eye while she says this

Sarah has been really acting weird tonight. You don’t know what it is.

“Right..” you say avoiding eye contact

“I-I think we should try it.” She stutters

“Huh? Try what.” You ask confused

she looks hesitant at first but continues what she was saying

“I think we should have s-sex for fun.” She says nervously

Your mouth widens as you stare at her in shock but then you start to think about it.

“Just as friends you know, just to try it” she says again.

I mean as friends right and it wouldn’t hurt.

“Umm.. sure but as f-friends” you say still in shock

You see her eyes lighten as you accepted her offer.

“c-can I k-kiss you?” She ask

“Okay” you mumbled

She leans in and starts kissing you. After a while you start kissing her back and it turns into a full make out session. You feel Sarah’s hands rubbing up and down your body.

Sarah pulls away from the kiss and takes her shirt off along with her sweat pants, you do the same.

You guys were both now only in your underwear.

“Can I touch them” you look down at her boobs.

She nods. You swallow hard and go reach to touch them. They were soft and warm so you go down to suck on them.

Sarah moans and arches her back as you suck one of her nipples and play with the other. You gently pull off of her after a few minutes have passed

“I wish I had boobs like yours” you say wiping your mouth

“Are you kidding these things are a pain in my ass, they ruin all my outfits” she laughs and you laugh with her

All of a sudden she pushes you onto your back which makes you gasp in surprise. She spreads your legs open to pull down your underwear to see your wet pussy.

“Is this okay?” She ask

“Mhm”

She then buried her face in between your legs. She licks in between your folds and sucks on your clit while you squirm under her. You’re moving so much she has to hold your thighs down.

You never felt pleasure like this before. You let out a pornographic moan shocking you and Sarah that you could even do that.

Sarah continues to lick and suck on your clit to the point that’s all you could think about. Sarah then leaves your clit and starts fucking you with her tongue.

Where the fuck did she learn this.

“Fuck! Sarah right there!” You yell out

You then feel that feeling you couldn’t explain starting to build up like you were going to explode. Thats when Sarah’s pulls away and you groan out disappointed. Sarah gets up and wipes her mouth.

“You actually taste good”

You giggle nervously

“Thanks, that felt really good.” you say truthfully

“Thanks.” she giggles also

She then pushes your leg to the side and positions herself in between them.

“Fuck Sarah” you roll your eyes from pleasure as she begins to rub your guys wet pussies together.

“You feel so good” Sarah moans as she goes faster. You move against as well trying to get as much pleasure as possible.

Sarah stared down at the wet cunts rubbing together. You go to grab her boob while moans and whimpers leave both you and Sarah mouth.

You didn’t want to admit it but Sarah on top of you was only making you wetter than you already were.

You felt yourself getting closer and closer to this building up like sensation as Sarah went faster and faster.

“Fuck oh my god!!!” You yell

You then felt yourself cumming as you moan out loud by overstimulation. Sarah puts her hand over your mouth.

“Your g-gonna wake up the n-neighbors” she moans out also releasing at the same time as you.

After your guys high came down Sarah lays beside you on the bed.

“That was amazing.” You mumbled

Sarah laughs

“I told you it was a good idea.” She smirks at you.



[sohnric]

a brief inquiry into online relationships – k. sunwoo

pairing: kim sunwoo x fem! reader

genre: enemies to lovers au, internet best friends au. friends to lovers au. gamer! sunwoo and gamer! reader. fluff, comedy. sunwoo has a big fat crush and is a bitchless loser but is also simultaneously being very annoying and mean sometimes:(

wc: 20k

warnings: swearing, sexual innuendos/jokes/flirting, the reader is referred to with she/her pronouns and called a girl! i call league players virgins :/ (and im right). certain parts are really chat heavy (but what do you expect from an internet best friend au am i right). the reader is said to have dyed hair! I wrote this with a friend in mind yall just get to read it 😔

there's only one person kim sunwoo treasures the most in the whole world, and that person is his internet best friend. there's also only one person kim sunwoo hates with a burning passion, and that person is you. well, imagine his surprise when he finds out... they are the same person.

playlist: fruit roll ups - waterparks / royalty - enhypen

I wrote and dedicate this fic to @csenke 🩷 happy birthday best friend, I hope you like your little present. I dont like being sappy in public, but do know that I love u the absolute most.

a/n: a HUGE thank you to @from-izzy for beta reading and helping me out with this fic so much, listening to me ramble and cry and hyping me up izzy, it means a LOT. thank you @sanaxo-o for beta reading a bit as well. 🫶🏻 ive wanred to write this fic for literally years so im glad it is finally out hihi.

The first time Kim Sunwoo has ever been accused of having a crush on a girl he hasn’t even met in real life yet was on October 11th, 2023. It was a few months after meeting the said girl online through a Minecraft server and talking to her during the night over a Discord call, not being able to fall asleep after and coming to class looking like a zombie from the deprivation of relaxation. After he said the story to his friend Changmin, he got laughed at and teased– all because he said he didn’t want to hang up on his online best friend yet, and she was so full of energy, and Sunwoo wanted to know what she had to say because she was so adorable gushing over how much she loved Paw Patrol as a kid and how she got some magnets for her fridge from her local grocery store and put Skye right in the middle, where she keeps her shopping list. 

Of course, Sunwoo refused this accusation. He does not have a crush on his online best friend– the girl he hasn’t even met in real life yet. He doesn’t like her, because let’s be real, he doesn’t even know what she looks like. Navigating the boundaries of an online friendship was already hard as it was for the boy– was he oversharing? Was he being too much, too annoying at times? – so asking for the girl’s socials outside of Discord or begging for a simple selfie in the chat is far away from the things he’s comfortable saying out loud to her. 

And Sunwoo can’t be into her– because he doesn’t even know her that well. He doesn’t even know where she lives or if the name she’s given him online is her legal name. What he does know, though, is that she’s the same age as him, she’s funny and pretty fucking cool, she has obscure interests like the Spiderman movies or collecting albums of her favorite kpop artists, and her voice is nice over the speakers of his laptop when the two of them call and play Minecraft together in the late hours of the night.

That’s not enough to develop a crush on someone, right?

Right…?

The first time Kim Sunwoo starts to question his own feelings for his friend is also, coincidentally, October 11th 2023. See, he might say that he’s not as dull as one would think after looking at him, but after the conversation he had with his best friend in the morning, something started to click. (Mainly because he just couldn’t stop feeling the blush creeping onto his cheeks, bashfulness filling his composure. Why is it so hard to deny the obvious?)

In the late hours of the night, Sunwoo logs onto the Minecraft server and walks around the world he’s created. He is on a mission of cheering his online friend up– she said something about an exam going terribly wrong in his Discord DM’s just a few hours ago, and although he tried his best to cheer the girl up over messages, he thinks he has to go an extra mile to remind her that life is not as rude and that she’s loved even when she feel like a disappointment. (Just the sentiment of the wording in his head is suggesting that he’s trying to stay oblivious to his own feelings– there is no doubt he is failing, though.)

He checks the people online in the server, noticing she’s not there yet– as he expected, since the girl usually logs on only a few minutes before midnight– which assures him that there is still time to execute his little plan. With a pep to his step, Sunwoo’s character moves through the terribly half-assed house he’s built (that his friend teases him for) and opens  one of the chests in his underground storage area. After taking everything he prepared earlier– for whatever reason, he’s not sure (or just trying to deny the obvious, once again)– he skips outside of the wooden building and runs towards the portal he built leading to her house last week. 

Once she saw the portal outside of her house, she asked him about it. To the question of why he wants easy access to her house at all times, he replied that it’s so he can rob her when she least expects it. Her and him both know she’s not the one keen on mining, so there’s not really much to steal in the first place, but to Sunwoo’s surprise (and relief), his friend dropped the topic quickly, moving on to the next one.

After the vision of his character finally clears and he is left standing right outside of her house– which is a stunning piece of architecture, by the way– he looks around for a bit to find the best place for his little offering.

He settles on the place by the front door of her house and gets to executing his little surprise. Opening the inventory of his character, Sunwoo takes out a bone meal and uses it on the grass blocks next to the door, making all sorts of flowers grow next to her humble abode. When he’s satisfied with the colored petals blooming in their digital world, the boy gets out the pink wool and digs into the remaining dirt blocks on the ground, replacing them with the rosy cubes and shaping them into a small, but telling heart. 

He stands back and admires his work for a bit, laughing at the ridiculous actions he caught himself doing. Sometimes he gains self-awareness in the weirdest of situations, and this is surely one of them– he prays his friend doesn’t log on in this exact moment. He would have no other choice but to jump out of his window and kill himself, he thinks.

Still, he follows up with his initial idea and places a chest next to the heart, filled with emerald and diamonds that he gathered over the last week. He worked hard on them and she kept whining that she still didn't have any– and although he’d like to keep them, he figures he can just get more the next time he’s alone in here, mining. 

A cherry on top is placed next to all of this– a wooden sign that he types “What if we put our Minecraft beds next to each other? xx” on, against all his thoughts telling him otherwise. 

This might be a terrible, terrible idea, he thinks. But the thought of making his best friend smile fuels the boy. Taking one last look at his masterpiece, he snickers. Yeah, Sunwoo. Maybe there really is no getting out of those allegations. Maybe he won’t tell about what he did to Changmin– and he’s lucky the boy doesn’t play Minecraft and has no way of finding out by playing on the same server as the two of you.

Sunwoo logs out of the game, sitting back in his chair. After scrolling through his Instagram for a bit, he hears the familiar sound of an incoming Discord call waking him up from the doom, making him breathlessly accept and wait for the girl’s voice to come out of his headphones, making him feel excited and on the tips of his toes.

“Ya, Steve, was it you who made that cute altar in front of my house?” she asks, making his heart skip a beat.

“Depends,” he hums, “did you like it?”

Every Tuesday afternoon, 6 o’clock sharp, Kim Sunwoo takes the role of the head of the Video Gaming club at his university. It’s quite an easy job, he’d say– since all his responsibilities lay in meeting up with the members of the club in an internet café once a week, playing a video game of their liking– and he also appreciates the fact that he has something to put onto his CV. The extra points towards graduation are also good, and so in reality, he has nothing to complain about– he likes video games and he also likes socializing.

There is just one thing he hates about the Video Gaming club, and that is the fact that Y/N Y/L/N, his best friend’s ex-girlfriend, managed to somehow infiltrate herself into the circle.

Now, you and Ji Changmin dated in the early stages of high school. The two of you met in Science class, and although Changmin wasn’t the smartest when it came to Chemistry, he still managed to make himself your designated helper in all experiments, just to make himself close to you. That slowly worked and the two of you started dating– for 2 months, that is– before you realized Sunwoo’s poor best friend wasn’t who you were looking for and you broke up with him, starting a new relationship with Park Sunghoon, the handsome ice skater from the private school downtown just 2 weeks later.

Changmin cried for three days straight and then one more day after he found out he was replaced, and since then, Kim Sunwoo has decided that he hates your guts– because no one makes his best friend sad. 

Every Tuesday afternoon, 6 o’clock sharp, you waltz into the internet café with your friend Aeri clinging to your side, both of you laughing about whatever you found amusing that day. The sound of your laughter is insufferable to Sunwoo’s ears and the sight of your dyed hair makes his stomach churn with acid– everything about you angers the boy, makes him all alert of your presence. For some reason, he can’t control his anger around you– everything you do infuriates him, makes him wish you were anywhere but in the same room as him.

Can’t you read the room? Do you not realize you’re not welcome here? This is Sunwoo’s territory, and for some reason, he thinks you should respect it. You haven’t spoken to each other in over 4 years, but that doesn’t mean he forgot about everything. Maybe you just keep showing up because you know he hates your guts– you do it out of spite.

Kim Sunwoo won’t have that, though. If there’s something about him that he makes perfectly known in the Video Gaming club, it’s that he is awfully competitive– and for once, he tries to use this quality of his for something good: getting you out of the club.

Because he might be the head of the club, sure, but that still doesn’t give him the permission to kick you out of it for no apparent reason. 

He figures making your life a living hell for the entire hour or two you’re in his presence every week would surely be sufficient enough. Surely, one day, you must have enough.

“There’s someone behind you, dude, watch out–” Intak calls from next to Sunwoo, helping his teammate out. 

Today’s game of choice is CS:GO– too bad for you, Kim Sunwoo is exceptional at shooting games.

He watches his screen and moves his mouse swiftly, shooting the opponent– he thinks it might’ve been Jaehyun or Chan– before they even have a chance at spotting him. His team– Terrorists– are winning by a mile, coincidentally having the best of the best in the group. He’s playing a perfect 5v5 game alongside Intak, Haechan, Yeji and…. and you. 

“Do you even have your screen on, Y/N?” he grunts from behind his computer, glaring at the screen. He notices you not really killing any opponents, and even though he understands that not everyone is going to be the best at every video game that gets played over the course of semester, he’s making sure to trash talk you each and every time you’re even an inch away from perfect.

“Fuck off, I’m trying.”

“Doesn’t seem like it,” he snickers, pointing his gaze towards you only for a split second to watch you roll your eyes at his comment. An annoyed sigh escapes  your throat, making the boy’s veins reek with satisfaction.

“We’re winning anyway, so I don’t get why you’re so pressed about it,” you grunt, tucking your hair behind your ear as you play, momentarily taking your hand off the mouse.

Sunwoo notices your character in his point of view on the monitor– the nickname ‘ceo.Y/N’ shining proudly over the default skin of the terrorist figurine– when a bright, spiteful idea sparks up in his brain. The boy realizes he left the friendly fire option on when assembling the game room, and with that, he’s set on his decision.

You don’t deserve anything nice in Kim Sunwoo’s eyes– which is why he shoots you in the head the first moment he sees you, laughing to himself.

“Yeah, no thanks to you,” he comments as he watches your character drop to the ground.

“What the fuck?! Yo, why did you do that?” you gasp, snapping your head around to point your daggers of eyes onto the boy, frustration dripping off your face. It does nothing to ruin the mood of the satisfied boy, only making him shrug and offer you his brightest smirk.

“You weren’t contributing anything to the game anyway,” he shrugs, “might as well sit this one out, Y/L/N.”

Yes. This one surely will teach you a lesson.

When Kim Sunwoo reaches his room after his shower– at 1 in the morning sharp and feeling too awake for the late hour, since all the hot water ran out due to his roommate’s greediness (curse Eric Sohn’s long ass showers)– he notices a notification shining on his phone in bright light, making him reach for his phone with curiosity. He doesn’t have many friends that would reach out to him at the late hours of the evening, since he talks to most of them during the day anyway, and so even subconsciously, as he reaches for his phone, he expects to see his online best friend’s username pop up in the notification bar.

And he was right– clicking on the Discord notification waiting for him at the top of the screen, he already feels his heart skipping a beat, his insides flowing with immediate warmth despite the cold shower he took just a few minutes ago.

Further shaking out the water out of his hair before plopping onto his bed and reading through the girl’s messages, the boy finds himself smiling at her profile picture. It’s a close up of her Minecraft character standing in front of the little display he put out for her– and he can’t help but feel like this is some sort of a soft launch. Of what, he doesn’t really know– since the two of them are far from dating– but that’s okay. It satisfies him enough. Nobody even really knows it’s him who she’s showing off, but to him, it holds the weight of the whole entire world.

sunpoodle [0:22] – a missed voice call sunpoodle [0:35] – a missed voice call sunpoodle [0:36] – so u dont like me anymore sunpoodle [0:38] – i see how it is sunpoodle [0:48] – everything ok tho? sunpoodle [0:54] – a missed voice call

Squinting at the screen, Sunwoo starts to type out his reply to his friend. Before he has the chance to click send, though, his phone lights up with the incoming voice call from her, leaving him to accept it almost immediately. He hears her voice coming out of his speaker after a few seconds of silence, having his ears perk up and heart beat a little faster.

“Damn, took you long enough,” she hums, making the poor boy chuckle. “I thought you were either dead or ignoring me.”

“I wasn’t,” he replies before settling deeper into his bed, going as far as putting a blanket over him to provide himself the most comfort, “I would never ignore you,” he lets himself speak out, a full body cringe taking over him the second he realizes just how far gone and infatuated he must sound with his friend.

“Oh, okay,” she says, “I was getting kinda worried, though.”

“Worried?”

“Yeah, we didn’t speak at all the whole day,” she replies. And she’s right– Sunwoo was too busy the whole day to text her or check in with her throughout the day. He was working on his assignments with Changmin and Juyeon in the library, and then he had to listen to Eric talk about his crush on the new girl from the café he works at. Before he knew it, it was late in the night and all he wanted to do was shower and go to sleep– his plan was thrown into the bin the moment he got back into his room, though. 

He might have not put his online friend as his priority during the day but if it comes to sacrificing sleep for her, he won’t even think twice.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he mumbles, although something inside of him cheers at the fact that she cares about him enough to want his presence every day.“I was just busy with assignments and socializing.”

“You do that?”

“Strange, isn’t it?” he chuckles, poking fun at himself. There’s no doubt of him being an extrovert, but for the sake of hearing the girl laugh through his speaker– his insides squeezing on themselves with violent tenderness at the sound (what a contradiction)– he is content with simply ignoring the fact.

“What’s up, though?” he asks. “You usually don’t call and I have to pressure you into picking up in some way.”

“That’s not true.”

“Kind of is, when you think about it–”

“I just like to be persuaded,” she hums, making the boy chuckle. 

“Noted,” he says– and it might’ve been just a figure of speech, really, but there is a secret folder inside of his brain that he calls the girl-he-likes-folder, where he keeps all the information and random facts he learns about his friend safely, until he has a chance to use them. “But really, what is it? You seem uneasy,” he notes, making the girl laugh softly on the other end of the line.

There is some shuffling on the other side before he finally hears her voice again. Sunwoo furrows his brows at the ruckus, but he doesn’t mention it– maybe she’s just moving around the room, doing her own things as she talks to him on the phone. It makes his brain wander, though– imagining her cleaning her room, putting things away. Stacking some old papers or throwing stuff into the trash can. The image of his friend is always hazy in his mind– he was never really the most imaginative when it came to stuff he doesn’t know– but he still feels attracted to the girl in ways he can’t explain without sounding absolutely crazy to an outsider’s ear. He has no clear idea of her features– he doesn’t know how long her hair is, what her figure looks like, or what color her eyes are, but he still knows that to him, she’s absolutely beautiful and no reality he could see would break this image he has of her.

The fact that she’s calling him while going on with her life, as if he is an active, real part of it, makes him smile to himself. Every time the girl acknowledges her friendship with him, he feels like he’s on Cloud 9– he doesn’t really know why he needs that validation, though.

“This might sound stupid, but I just wanted to hear your voice,” she says nonchalantly through the speakers of his phone, and with that, Sunwoo is a goner. He feels the world stop turning for a while, his breath hitching in his throat. Something about the girl’s words makes his head spin and thoughts run laps around the walls of his skull– is it just him, or does that sentence sound strangely intimate?

“Why?” he asks on autopilot– because the annoying voice inside of him needs answers. 

“Hm? Oh, I dunno,” she quickly utters out before she makes a sharp turn in the conversation, completely disregarding her previous statement, “did I tell you about that party I’m invited to this weekend?” she asks instead, making the boy shake his head in disbelief and throw his face into his pillow to stop himself from screaming.

“No,” he sighs, “but tell me now.”

“Okay, so–”

The rest of their conversation is drowned out by his thoughts. Don’t get him wrong, he is actively listening to what she has to say– how she doesn’t know what to wear and she’s not sure if she wants to match with her best friend– but he is also subconsciously focused on the fact that the way she talks in her low tone, keeping her voice down to not wake up her roommate next door. It makes the atmosphere that much more sincere and intimate. He finds himself admiring his friend’s excitement and joy, the energy she has when she talks about how her day went and how she can’t stay keeping up with one topic for long– getting lost in the track somewhere along the way, making Sunwoo remind her what she was even talking about in the first place. Everything about the girl is mesmerizing to the boy, and before he has a chance to notice, he’s falling asleep to her rambling on the phone, eyelids heavy in comfort and sleepiness. 

“Are you still there?” she asks, receiving only a soft hum from the boy on the other side. “Am I boring you?”

“No,” he half-whispers, “I’m just comfortable. Keep talking,” he says, hugging his pillow to his chest and putting the phone next to his head. He hears a soft scoff on the other side of the line, a kind, sweet voice lullying him further into dreamland.

“Okay, keep using me as your bed time story, then,” she jokes, a tint of faux offense in her tone, “I’ll disconnect the call when you stop giving me fakely interested hums after every other sentence.”

And with that, Kim Sunwoo falls asleep to his online best friend talking his ear off on a Discord call. How could she ever think that wanting to hear his voice was stupid? He understands– he thinks that perhaps, he’d choose listening to her even over hearing his favorite song.

The idea of teaching you a lesson with his competitive nature is quickly thrown into the bin when the next week comes as the game his friends choose for the afternoon is one that he is not fond of. Why does he not like this game, you may ask? Well, simply put– he is absolutely terrible at it. 

The love for League of Legends is a telling sign of someone’s virginity, though, so Sunwoo thinks he can take pride in the fact that he is not a bitchless loser by playing it in his free time. (Don’t mention the fact that he is a Discord user and currently does not have a girlfriend. He will ignore it for the sake of his reputation.)

“I’ll go bottom,” Intak says as he chooses his champion in the lobby, making Sunwoo huff. He’s not really good at playing the mage, he’s terribly, terribly bad at going jungle, and tanks and fighters are equally as easy for him to play as learning the Pi number by heart (very difficult). Soon enough though, he finds that the rest of the roles are quickly divided in his team, and that leaves him nothing else to do than to just humbly take the responsibility of the middle lane, equipping the only champion he’s played before– Fizz.

With him locking in his character, the image on his monitor morphs into the loading screen, letting him once again scan the names that belong to his team. Having 10 members in the club is easy enough to divide into two teams by 5, which he is thankful for, but the teams are almost always randomly selected– which makes him angry only at times where he gets the obviously weaker players. 

This time around, surrounded by Intak and Yangyang teaming up on the bottom, Soobin taking over the jungle and Yeji resigning on the top lane, Sunwoo is satisfied to see he at least doesn’t share a team with you this time around– because that means he can do everything in his power to make your life a living hell while playing the game.

“Try not to die in the first few seconds, Sunwoo,” Soobin snickers as the game starts and the boy aimlessly moves towards the middle of the map, moving his character with the mouse. Sunwoo only salutes at the taller boy, making him giggle.

“I’ll try not to, boss!”

Sunwoo’s quest in this game is to protect the tower and farm as much as he can– so that destroying the opponent’s tower is easier and opens up the shortest way to the enemy. After seeing how his character moves in the game– don’t make fun of him but after so much time since he last played the game, he’s forgotten– he puts his head into his hands and mourns, noticing that he foolishly chose an assassin. It’s not that they’re bad per se, it’s just that Kim Sunwoo is much better at League of Legends when he has some distance from the opponent. Which, when he wants to attack, is not a feature Fizz awards him with. 

Much to his surprise though, the middle lane seems to be empty. There is no one from the opposite team walking up to him and trying to start combat, and that puts him at ease. Maybe he can do his job right– for at least a few minutes before the tower is damaged enough that the enemy realizes they need to protect it. 

And so clueless Sunwoo enters the circle under the tower, attacking it with the red minions by his side, veins flowing with satisfaction that hey– maybe he will be successful with something in this game. He surely doesn’t need the validation of his team, but look– all he needs is to not embarrass himself in the process of playing this game. His pride is precious to him. 

The talk around the internet café slowly drowns out around him, providing him only a background noise. He doesn’t need to listen to his team’s strategy– he knows he isn’t really included in it, as the weakest link. Hyperfocusing on the game, he almost jumps when two characters suddenly appear from the bushes– not skilled enough, Sunwoo didn’t think to check them when he arrived in the middle of the map– attacking him.

The nicknames aerichandesu and ceo.y/n shine proudly above the characters of Annie and Vi, both of the females cornering him and making him scowl at the screen. You don’t do much damage to him, he notices, but there is something about the way Aeri plays that tells him that he is royally fucked in this game.

Only a few seconds of combat pass before the banner saying First blood appears on the top of the screen, embarrassing him and making the rest of the team laugh at his death. He finally acknowledges that he was tricked, and as the seconds pass of him waiting to be revived, his eyes meet yours from across the room– and oh how he wishes to wipe that smirk off your face.

“As expected,” Soobin chirps from Sunwoo’s right, making the poor boy sigh and cross his arms defensively at his chest.

“They teamed up on me!”

“That’s the point, sweetheart,” Yeji hums from the corner of the room, “you’d know that if you knew how to play.”

“Oh, shut up, you losers…” he grunts as his character revives, making him hurriedly move towards his designated place again, noticing his team’s tower slowly falling apart due to leaving you in there unwatched. 

Once he appears back under his tower, he watches you retract from your place. Sunwoo takes this as his opportunity to show you that one on one, you’re not going to win against him– and so he chimes forward after you, using Fizz’s trident to deal you magic damage over the next couple of seconds. The clicking of his mouse onto your character resonates through the crowded café and the banners showing his teammate’s successful kills do nothing to help him focus on the task at hand– but your health bar is slowly dropping, and that satisfies the male.

“Not so strong without Aeri now, are you?” he teases, watching as you aimlessly start to run away from him, no longer focusing on killing his character.

He doesn’t get a verbal reply from you, but one thing is certain– the poor male forgot to keep a check of his own health bar, and while chasing after you with greediness, wanting to be the one to get you down, he foolishly gets shot down by the enemy minion following him. The kill is still written off to you though, and when his screen freezes with the death announcement, he watches you cheer– eyes glimmering and a victorious smile spreading across your cheeks– before you high-five with your best friend to your right.

Turns out that maybe you don’t need Aeri to carry you in League of Legends. At least not when it’s Kim Sunwoo you’re playing against– and that puts him at a big of a disadvantage.

Is this how you feel every time he conspires against you? Because if so, he has to applaud you– you have an awfully big patience. He can handle it for one Tuesday out of the semester, but if he was in your place, he’d be running away from the room the moment he dies in the game again, all because of you.

Running around, out of breath and heaving for oxygen, Kim Sunwoo starts to contemplate if all of this was even a good idea. He should’ve known the whole thing was bound to be a failure when the first mishaps started happening, but against his best assumptions, he decided to go on with it and try to figure things out. 

The first thing wrong with this whole entire thing is that it wasn’t even his idea in the first place. Hyunjae suggested that the whole friend group goes to play laser tag at the end of the week, to wind off a little before finals. And Sunwoo agreed– because that sounds like a lot of fun, doesn’t it?– and expected to just read out the details of it in the groupchat. He thought turning up to the place would be the only thing he had to do, but oh how he was wrong. 

Lee Hyunjae decided he didn’t really feel like going to laser tag on the single day where all of them were free– which meant that they either cancel the whole thing or go without him. And since Eric Sohn was all too excited for the idea, Sunwoo decided he won’t disappoint his dear roommate– in fears of getting sabotaged or killed in his sleep if he declines– leading into making Kim Sunwoo being in charge of the whole thing because as the only Aries of the group, he takes his leadership seriously when he has to.

And so he sucked it up and called the laser tag place, asking for a reservation for 5. Another failure hit him in the face when he was announced that they can only let them play if they have a group of ten people, and before he had the chance to let the rational part of his brain take over and cancel the plans, he was left agreeing and saying he will find 5 more people to come with them. 

Sunwoo figured that Eric, as the born extrovert, will have no problem finding 5 more people for the laser tag game. He was wrong, though, when his friend announced that all of his friends magically have some plans for that exact Friday– he thought that there’s a party that somehow, only the loser friend group he is partaking in wasn’t attending, for some reason– and Eric could only think of one person that would come, which left Sunwoo with solving the issue of finding 4 more people to come to play laser tag with him.

So he brought out the big guns– the Video Gaming club group chat. 

sunwhooo [9:31]: hello friends i need 4 people to join us for laser tag tomorrow sunwhooo [9:31]: anyone down meet us there at 5pm

And with that, he considered the task done. Too over with the whole thing and too tired of being the only one with common sense in his friend group, he didn’t check who agreed to his invitation. He figured that someone will either show up, or they will shamefully go home. Which option it’s gonna be is the problem of the day after– in this moment, he needed sleep.

He appeared in front of the laser tag arena on Friday, 4:45 sharp, waiting for his group to arrive. He felt like one of those tour guides in the middle of big cities– all he was missing was a flag in his hand, or an umbrella– either or– waving around and calling out for his friends. Five minutes after him, Changmin and Juyeon arrived, tailed by Eric and a boy that’s introduced to him as Jake Sim– who is, just by the way, a carbon copy of Sunwoo’s dear roommate both with energy and some of their small mannerisms. 

Five minutes before they were supposed to enter the arena and get the safety tutorial on how to play, 2 members of his club came up, smiling widely ear to ear. If Sunwoo had to guess who would say yes to his invitation the fastest, Myung Jaehyun and Lee Donghyuck would be first in line– and he was right. 

“Where’s the rest of you?” he asked after greeting the boys, and right in this moment, after hearing their reply, was when he knew he should’ve canceled the plans the moment Lee Hyunjae turned down his own offer.

“Y/N and Aeri’s bus was late, but they’re on their way now!” Jaehyun said, smiling ear to ear. “Y/N texted you in the groupchat, but I don’t think you saw it.”

“Pretty sure I have her number blocked,” he grunted under his breath, sighing to himself. Was it too late to leave now…?

“What?”

“Nothing.”

And that’s how he ends up in this mess. You and your best friend arrive 2 minutes late, but you’re still let in– much to Sunwoo’s dismay. Everyone seems to be excited– almost too excited– when they choose to play the game in the complete darkness, and before Sunwoo has a chance to protest, he is thrown into the laser tag game, nothing but a laser gun in his hand and a vest with the sensoring clutching to his chest.

He can’t see anything, he’s constantly bumping into the obstacles, the arena is too big for his own liking– because he doesn’t really know where he is and can’t see anyone else, making him feel strangely alone and kind of afraid– and it’s so hot inside that sweat is slowly dripping down his forehead, making him irritated.

Once in a while, he hears a scream from somewhere inside of the arena when two players meet. He contemplates just sitting on the ground and waiting for the game to pass– not really that mad about being the last one in the ranking– but the last remains of his pride are telling him to keep going, to keep trying.

He’s good at shooting games! What is he doing?

Taking a deep breath in and out, he makes a run for it– hoping he won’t be met with the wall and break his neck in the process (now that would really take the crown for the worst thing that could happen in relation to the laser tag), before he’s met with the sound of footsteps in his ears, making him painfully alert of his surroundings.

Turning his head around, trying to see where the sound is coming from and who he has to protect himself from– or shoot and get some points in, that is– he feels his body meeting full speed with another person, a yelp coming out of their throat right before the sound of clothes rustling and body mass hitting the floor resonates through the place.

“Fuck,” he curses under his breath, dropping the gun, “are you okay?” he asks, genuine concern lacing his tone. 

“Watch where you’re going, for fuck’s sake!” he hears your voice call out of him… and the last remains of genuine concern leave his body at that, irritation swimming to the shore.

“How the fuck am I supposed to watch where I’m going when you fuckers chose to play in complete darkness?!” He yells over the music– that is, just for the record, an atrocious EDM remake mix of early 00s songs– and lets his eyes adjust to the darkness for some more, watching the outline of your figure on the ground slowly appear in his retina.

Acting on auto-pilot, though, the boy reaches out an arm towards you, trying to help you to your feet. The view of your face is hazy in his eyes but he can still make out the scowled expression you offer him before you take his hand and let him drag you to a standing position.

“So much sympathy in one man, wow,” you grunt, shaking your head at him once you’re standing tall in front of him. “Wouldn’t hurt to apologize, you know–”

“This clearly wasn’t my fault–”

He starts, but stops himself mid-sentence when he sees you point the laser gun towards him, shooting. The interaction is short– it goes by almost too fast for him to register it– and before he has a chance to let the sensor cool down and aim towards your chest as well, you’re running away from him, full speed skillfully through the maze. 

“Hey!” he yells out, but is much slower at following you. Is he doing something wrong? Why is everyone suddenly so good at navigating the space?

And while Kim Sunwoo is competitive– there was an agreement that the last place pays for everyone’s meal after– sometimes, his spirit is overshadowed by his emotions. Frustrated, irritated and a little mad, although he pays much effort into shooting at his opponents and gathering up all the points he lost while he was aimlessly walking through the place like a blind man, he just can’t seem to catch up and crawl out of the last place.

Standing outside of the room and looking at the scoreboard after, having the rest of the team pat his shoulder and thank for the meal, his eyes land on you as you’re the last one to leave the arena aside from him.

“Looks like being good at CS:GO isn’t enough to be good at shooter games in real life, huh?” you tease, pouting at the scoreboard in mock sympathy. “Thank you for the meal, Sunwoo. I’d like a large fry and a cheeseburger, by the way. Make it extra cheese.”

Maybe he should’ve canceled the laser tag the first moment he wanted to. 

You know what? Maybe he should cancel the Video Gaming club altogether, while he’s at it.

Sitting around the study room in the library, accompanied by Eric and Changmin arguing about something and enveloped in a gray, fuzzy hoodie, Kim Sunwoo lets himself roll his eyes at the aimless quarreling and puts the hood of his sweater up, leaning back on the uncomfortable chair. After a couple of minutes spent listening to the fight– that’s about the assignment at hand, just for your information– Sunwoo feels himself zoning out of the room before he’s brought back to reality by the buzzing of his phone on the table with the incoming notification.

At this point of the uneventful afternoon, he would’ve replied back to anyone within a few minutes– anything to pass time, he figures– but when his eyes zone in on the name on his screen, he is left clicking at the Discord bar quicker than the speed of light.

sunpoodle [6:44]: can u call rn? notsteve [6:45]: no notsteve [6:45]: im at the library rn notsteve [6:45]: why

“You can’t just completely ignore that point of the essay, because it’s going to look like we didn’t do enough research,” Changmin argues his point in the background, the loud voice of Sunwoo’s roommate almost startling him as he tries to prove otherwise.

“We can’t just include every. single. point. in it, though, or else it’s gonna become a wholeass bible at this point.”

“Better to exceed the word count than to hand in an unfinished essay–”

sunpoodle [6:48]: oh so u hate me notsteve [6:48]: pretty sure this is emotional manipulation

“What do you think, Sunwoo?” Eric speaks up, turning his head towards the last boy of the three– the only one that hasn’t spoken up about the matter yet. It’s true that he didn’t really do much work on the actual essay yet– only some very, very brief research last night– but that didn’t mean he suddenly felt like doing much more. 

“Hm? Me?” 

sunpoodle [6:49]: dont care sunpoodle [6:50]: youre probably with some other bitches

“Yeah,” Changmin chimes in, “say your part. It’s three of us here, so the majority will go. What do you think?”

“Oh, I don’t really care…” Sunwoo hums without much thinking, eyes glued to his phone screen.

notsteve [6:51]: ??? sunpoodle [6:52]: anyways i just wanted to show you my child sunpoodle [6:52]: but you’re clearly not interested so

“Are you even listening?” Eric asks.

Sunwoo hums in response, automatized. Did the words really register in his brain? You can bet they didn’t.

“Are you texting that online girl again?” Changmin scoffs, Sunwoo’s ears perking up just a little bit at the mention of his friend.

“Yeah.”

notsteve [6:53]: a child??? notsteve [6:53]: is this another sylvanian families toy  sunpoodle [6:54]: no:(( notsteve [6:54]: what is it then notsteve [6:54]: because we both know youre not responsible enough to have a child

“Still can’t believe you developed a crush on a girl you don’t even know,” Eric sighs from next to him, the previous topic of their conversation long gone when it means he can make fun of his roommate for being absolutely, totally infatuated with a girl in his phone screen.

“How can you even know she’s real?” Changmin jokes. “For all you know, that could be a 50 year old white male trying to get nudes out of you,” he adds, making the shortest boy snort at the comment.

“I don’t have a crush on her,” is all that leaves Sunwoo’s mouth, although his tone is not very argumentative– just mindlessly spoken out, most of his attention still glued to his messenger app.

sunpoodle [6:55]: are you underestimating me?? sunpoodle [6:55]: im offended sunpoodle [6:56]: might just block u. and here i was considering sending u a pic of my dog…

“Sure you don’t,” Eric sighs, “because you’re totally not smiling like an idiot right now.”

“Shut the fuck up…” Sunwoo breathes out, rolling his eyes. The smile on his face freezes and drops at the unnecessary comment, but his cheeks grow a soft pink hue to them, only further proving his friends’ point.

notsteve [6:56]: A DOG????”,?” notsteve [6:56]: show it to me notsteve [6:56]: show it to me rachel!!!!

“When are you going to ask her for a picture or something?” Changmin pries, kicking his friend to his shin under the table.

“When she asks first,” he shrugs, “I don’t wanna sound like a creep.”

“I bet you already do,” Eric jokes, making his roommate glare at him. 

“Besides, we call often,” Sunwoo shrugs, “I know she’s not a 50 year old man. And so far, I’m content with this. It’s not like it would be going anywhere in the first place.”

“You don’t know that,” Changmin says, and something about that sentence makes Sunwoo momentarily glance away from his phone screen, furrowing his brows at the male.

“Yeah,” Eric chimes in, “you don’t even know where she lives. For all you know, she could be just down the street and you two could be going on embarrassing lan party dates together, or something.”

“Or– and get this–” Sunwoo ironically argues, “she could live on the other side of the country. Which, logically speaking, is much more likely.”

“You never know until you don’t ask,” Changmin shrugs, “I mean, it doesn't hurt to know.”

Shuffling his feet under the table, Sunwoo thinks to himself. There is a reason why he never really asked his online best friend any personal questions– and that is because he was simply afraid. Afraid of what he might find out.

No matter the distance, it’s scary for Sunwoo to know about his friend’s whereabouts. Because if she lives far, it means the chances of ever meeting her are unlikely. If she lives close, the chances rise– but he’s also completely terrified of the chance to meet her because, to put it blankly, he is petrified of the image his online friend would have of him when she meets him in real life.

Hiding behind the cloak of the internet is much easier for the boy. His friend doesn’t know what he looks like, what his mannerisms are in real life. And it’s not like he is faking his personality online– because truth be told, he’s acting the same way in his Minecraft server then he would in any real life situation– it’s just that he is strangely insecure of if he’d still be liked in the same way, had his friend met up with him in real life. He’s nervous of awkward silence. He’s stressed out about the fact that maybe he won’t click as well with the girl he met online. It’s all strange and new to him, and that’s why he never really dares to ask.

“I don’t know,” he shrugs, “it’s all just kind of weird.”

At this point, he doesn’t know if he fears meeting up with his friend online, or never seeing her with his own two eyes more. 

sunpoodle [6:57]: doggo sunpoodle [6:58] – sends one picture sunpoodle [7:02]: wow youre ignoring me again sunpoodle [7:05]: why do i even try at this point… sunpoodle [7:08]: teaching my dog to bite u if he ever meets u irl notsteve [7:09]: how are u gonna do that notsteve [7:10]: BUT OMG THATS SUCH A CUTE DOG notsteve [7:10]: BEST BOY sunpoodle [7:11]: i have my ways… sunpoodle [7:11]: but he says thank u so i guess we will let it go for now

Sunwoo chuckles at your reply, making the rest of the boys in the room look at each other with knowing eyes, shaking their head in disbelief. It’s not that they’re disapproving of their friend’s little (big) crush on the girl he met online– they’re supportive of whatever makes their dear bundle of sunshine happy– they just fear that this whole thing… might not end the best for the young gamer.

notsteve [7:12]: u like me too much to make your dog bite me notsteve [7:12]: admit it sunpoodle [7:13]: im resuming with my lecture!! sunpoodle [7:13]: he is small and fat but he is strong. do be afraid notsteve [7:14]: all that for not paying attention to you for 5 minutes? notsteve [7:14]: your actions speak for themselves, honey <33

“Right…” Eric awkwardly clears his throat, calling the attention of the enamoured boy, “shall we dwell deeper into your online relationship, or do you want to help us with the group essay for a change?” He asks while kicking the boy into his shin lightly, to make sure he has his full attention.

“Essay please,” he replies, nodding to himself. There is no way he is going into details of the embarrassing crush he has on the girl living in his phone.

sunpoodle [7:15]: what can i say life isnt fun without my jasper :// notsteve [7:15]: try not to die as i work on this assignment sunpoodle [7:16]: dont lie u dont do those notsteve [7:16]: unfortunately i do:(( notsteve [7:16] – sends one picture

Sunwoo points his camera so only a part of his laptop is shown with the study room in the background– making sure neither his friends or him are in the picture– before sending it to his friend. It’s not like she needs proof– Sunwoo knows that despite the playful teasing, she understands his need to put in some work into his education– he just feels like slowly testing the waters with sharing more and more of his real life with his online best friend.

“Okay, so let’s get back to what we were talking about before,” Changmin says, “I was thinking we should at least briefly talk about the points that are against what we’re trying to argue here, but Eric says it would completely disregard like, half of our work, so…”

sunpoodle [7:17]: wait is that at SNU notsteve [7:18]: yea notsteve [7:18]: how’d you know sunpoodle [7:18]: oh my god ?? sunpoodle [7:18]: i study there too

You know what? Forget the assignment– it’s due in a week. It can wait 7 more days.

“Guys, uh…” Sunwoo hums, hands shaking and his heart doing somersaults in his chest, “I’d actually like to go back to the topic of my online friend for a sec…”

Although Kim Sunwoo feels like the world stopped turning– or shifted in its axis, either or– since he learned about the fact that his internet best friend goes to the same university as him, and therefore, could be just about anyone he sees in the halls on a day to day basis, much to his dismay, it did not. The world didn’t stop turning and nothing really changed, all events happening around him as if he wasn’t just gifted with the life changing information: and that meant that besides the exam week fastly approaching him, he still had to host the Video Gaming club the Tuesday after.

He still has to turn up to the internet café and take the attendance sheet with him, even though the groupchat announced to him that they’re all going to study for the incoming exams instead. Because the rules are rules– as the head of the club, Kim Sunwoo has to host the meetings every week, or else the rights for the club will be revoked and all the privileges that come with having one will be taken away from him before he even has a chance to blink.

It’s already bad that he will be the only one on the attendance sheet– if he doesn’t decide to fake some signatures, that is– but now, he is alone and bored, and as it turns out, playing games alone isn’t as fun as playing them with someone else. The competitive nature in him yearns for multiplayer games, it longs for the social contact he so effortlessly has with someone when playing a video game with them. He thinks he built a decent group out of the other video game lovers at this university, and he didn’t even realize it up until now– when he’s sitting alone in the internet café, in the far back on one of the couches. 

At least he has the chance to test out the new Playstation console they installed here.

Legs spread wide on the small couch, having the whole place for himself, Sunwoo turns on the Test Drive Unlimited game, clicking through the settings. He is not a big fan of racing games in general, but he figures it’s the only game that he can play alone and still have at least some fun, and so after picking out a fancy car to drive around the world, he focuses on racing and fulfilling the side-quests the best he can.

Until a figure squeezes itself right next to him, startling him. “Oh, Jesus!”

“It’s Y/N, actually,” you snicker, making the boy’s mood drop at least two notches, eyebrows furrowing at your sudden arrival. What are you even doing here? He thought no one was available this week?

“You came?” he asks, and despite the sincerity of the question, the tone sounds kind of spiteful.

“Yeah,” you shrug, “am I not allowed here? I thought the club is on every Tuesday?” 

“It is,” he agrees, a hint of annoyance in his voice, “I just didn’t expect you to come.”

“Didn’t expect, or didn’t want?”

“Both,” he grunts, before he turns his head towards the screen again, ignoring your presence completely. The noises coming out of the console provide you two with some background music, but it’s still not enough to diffuse the tense atmosphere. Sunwoo hates every second of you by his side– your thighs touching in the small space due to his dominant manspreading– even the sound of you breathing making him immensely annoyed.

“What’s your problem with me anyway?” you suddenly speak up, breaking the silence. Something about the way you ask the question puts a dagger through Sunwoo’s heart, for some reason, but he doesn’t dare to drop his tough facade.

“I don’t like you, that’s all,” he shrugs nonchalantly, chewing on the inside of his cheek as he focuses back onto the game, trying hard to not fail at his sidequest. Everything but focus on the difficult conversation beginning to take place right in this moment, right? 

And why do you even care? It’s not like the two of you are friends– anything close to that, even.

“Why?” you scoff, shaking your head in disbelief. “I mean, I don’t get it. I did nothing wrong, and you seem to be getting on fine with the rest of the girls, so I don’t think that’s the problem here,” you lightly laugh, trying to take some weight off the situation.

Sunwoo’s jaw hardens. He doesn’t want to have this conversation right now. 

“At first I thought it was just harmless teasing, something you do for fun or attention, but then I realized you were being serious about it, so I really… I really just wanna know what’s the deal behind all of this,” you grunt, swinging your arms in the air at the last word, putting more emphasis on the end of the sentence. You’re starting to get frustrated, and that’s slowly ticking off Sunwoo’s patience.

“Oh, you don’t know?” he scoffs, turning his head to you. “Then you’re even worse than I thought.”

“What are you even talking about?” you yelp out, the eyes of others in the internet café turning towards you with furrowed brows, annoyed glares pointed at your little commotion due to being disturbed while playing their favorite games.

“You’re my friend’s ex, that’s why,” he mutters, before scoffing at you and pointing his eyes back to the TV screen. 

There is a moment of silence following his confession. He’s not sure what is the reasoning behind it– if you’re rocking your head, trying to remember what he’s talking about, or if you’re just shocked that he is so loyal to his friend. Maybe you’re in disbelief. Maybe you feel ashamed. Truth be told, Sunwoo doesn’t really care.

“Ji Changmin?” you ask, suddenly sounding surprised. “This is about Ji Changmin?” 

Sunwoo hates the way you sound almost… amused? 

“You can’t be serious. That happened over 4 years ago! There’s no way either of you is still hung up about that,” you say, shaking your head at him in disbelief.

The boy snickers, talking to you, but not really offering you any eye contact as he continues on with his game. “Maybe you didn’t think it was serious, but I surely won’t like someone who did my friends wrong.”

“Sunwoo, we were kids.”

“Does that mean it didn’t count?” he scoffs.

“Yeah, basically,” you bluntly agree, a bitter laugh escaping your throat. “Ask Changmin. I’m sure he barely even remembers–”

“Well, I remember him crying over you for two weeks straight, so maybe stop bragging into spaces where you’re not welcome,” he snaps, finally looking at you.

He chose a bad moment to have eye contact with you, though. The second the words leave his mouth, hurt flashes by your face, your expression instantly dropping. Your orbs get a little sadder and there’s a wrinkle between your eyebrows that makes Sunwoo’s stomach drop, guilt washing over him in waves strong like tsunami. Realistically, he shouldn’t care about hurting your feelings– by his logic, you must have even deserved it– but there is something in him that wants to physically crawl out of his skin and give himself a big, fierceful slap across his face for the words he just said.

Because who is he to tell you you’re unwanted in the club? The other people there like you. Everyone gets on with you just fine– it’s not Sunwoo’s right to ban you from the space he created, just because he has personal vendetta against you.

You’re not even doing anything wrong… Maybe he did fuck up.

“O-okay–”

“No, wait,” he hurriedly says, reaching out an arm towards you instinctively so he can stop you if you wanted to leave. “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just… I care about my friends a lot, that’s all. It’s… nothing personal,” he explains, humming to himself.

Except he’s lying, and you both know that. Everything about this was nothing but personal– the targeted jokes, the mean comments, the rude energy he has towards you any time you show up. Everything about his behavior and his annoyance whenever you are around is personal, because it involves you, and only you. 

There’s no way he can save himself now, though. The words are already said and out there, and even though he regrets them, there is no way Kim Sunwoo is apologizing.

A cloak of silence falls over the two of you again but this time, it’s slowly eating Sunwoo alive. It’s biting on his arms and crawling on his insides, carving out every harsh word he’s said to you into skin, making it unbearable for the boy to continue just aimlessly sitting next to you. He has to do something.

“Do you want me to leave?” you ask in a soft, quiet voice– a tone slightly familiar to him. It makes his ears perk up and his stomach squeeze on itself. It’s a weird, visceral reaction, but he won’t really allow himself to put much importance into it.

Instead, he sighs and turns to you with the controller in hand, offering you a soft, guilty smile. “No,” he shakes his head, “you can pick your own car and play for a while as I order us some snacks, if you wanna. I’m also pretty sure there’s Smash bros on it, in case you wanna play with me when I get back.”

The air is tense and awkward, and Sunwoo curses himself from the way events unraveled. He feels like he is betraying his best friend, in a way, but the guilt he carries in him is too big to not try to dissolve. 

You take the controller from him and nod, chewing on the inside of your cheek. He thinks this might be the beginning of truce– not a friendship, just tolerance– between the two of you, but he is soon taken out of his delusions when he sees you clicking off the game and opening Smash bros instead. 

In that moment, he knows he is going to get his ass kicked, and he knows it’s going to be personal.

The remote control in his hands feels like a weapon after he managed to finally stick the strip of LED lights all around the ceiling– and with how things have been going (the previous ones not working and them falling down every few seconds this time around), it might as well turn into one if it turns out he failed at installing his newest room decor again. He will use it against himself, he thinks– there is not much will to live left in him after the whole day, leaving him weak and exhausted.

Praying a little before trying for one last time, Sunwoo clicks on the red button of the remote control in his palm, squeezing his eyes shut– and after wishing on all 11:11s and all eyelashes, it seems– the LED lights finally turn on and illuminate his room with a dark red glow that he quickly turns towards a more muted purple, because it’s easier on his eyes and he kind of doesn’t want his room to look like literal hell upon walking in.

The boy’s heart leaps in his chest. It finally worked– he is every gamer girl’s dream! (And to stay true to the statement, he reaches towards his phone, clicking on the Discord app, approaching the one he dreams about.)

notsteve [10:45]: ive got these really sick lights if u wanna come over ;;) notsteve [10:45]: they tried to scam me twice but omg look notsteve [10:46] – sends 1 video notsteve [10:46]: they can change colors hihihii

Ever since the moment Kim Sunwoo learned that his dear online best friend loves to be persuaded– her words, not his– alongside with the new knowledge of the fact that they both walk across the same halls and visit the same lecture rooms, the dynamic he had with the girl shifted just the tiniest bit.

First of all, they call more often. Not only during the late hours of the night, but also during the day– whenever either of them feels like chatting for a while. There is also an increased volume of voice memos and random pictures of their surroundings, which didn’t use to happen before. And believe me, Sunwoo doesn’t want to honk his horn too much, but he swears the amount of casual flirting increased at least twice the size– from his side anyway. But he promises his friend is reciprocating! Hell, she even starts it sometimes! You have to believe him.

sunpoodle [10:47]: and here i thought you died notsteve [10:48]: almost notsteve [10:48]: i couldnt get it up :((  sunpoodle [10:48]: i didn’t know that was a problem ://

Sunwoo snorts at that, heat rising to his cheeks at the comment. 

notsteve [10:49]: god i hate u notsteve [10:50]: no that’s not a problem for me sweetie notsteve [10:50]: i can show you if u come over cough

The moment he sends the last message, he regrets it. Every day he spends talking with his friend, the boundaries and lines get pushed and pushed, and he can’t seem to know why. Is it the prospect of maybe meeting her one day? The idea of somehow sweeping the girl off her feet and getting to know her beyond the level that the online space gives him– in a more deep, personal way?

Why does the idea of getting to see her with his own eyes, the idea of touching her, make the poor boy so flustered and excited? It’s not like either one of them actually initiated any real meeting in the first place– all of it was just half-jokes and invitations. He wonders when the day comes when he will be able to just nod and say yes to any of it– he wonders when she will feel comfortable enough to actually set a time and place, ordering to meet him there. He would drop anything– cancel any plans– just to run and meet her. 

sunpoodle [10:53]: i could get convinced sunpoodle [10:53]: to see the lights irl i mean sunpoodle [10:54]: nothing else…..cough sunpoodle [10:54]: youll have to clean first tho 

After the replies flood in, Sunwoo immediately relaxes. The girl doesn’t seem uncomfortable– quite the opposite, actually– and so he takes it as a sign to continue the playful nature of things, subtly pushing the idea of a meet-up more and more. For some reason, Sunwoo feels like it should happen soon– although no time is running out, he feels pressure somewhere in the bottom of his stomach and quiet buzzing in his fingertips any time the thought of his friend crosses his mind– and he knows it will only go away if he finally meets the girl. (Or it might even get worse– either way, he desperately needs to find out.)

notsteve [10:56]: my room is super clean!! notsteve [10:56]: and my bed is comfy sunpoodle [10:57]: proof or im just gonna assume youre lying

The boy tussles in his bed, his hair getting messy in his sheets. The music playing in the background only further pushes the intimate atmosphere, and so after receiving your message, he doesn’t waste much time in opening his camera and putting effort into the angle of the picture he’s going to send you.

He makes sure not much of his face is shown. His phone screen mirrors mostly the white fabric of his pillow– that is now tinder purple with the LED lighting– but in the right corner, the majority of his tousled hair is shown. It looks soft against the sheets and he makes no real effort in tidying it, since he thinks it adds to the aesthetics of the picture. A glimpse of his face appears in the picture as well– only his left eye, though. It looks sleepy, hooded, and after squinting at the screen for a few seconds, Sunwoo decides to hit send. 

The line is once again pushed a bit farther, making him wonder if his friend will follow in his footsteps and send a similar photo back. It’s secretive enough, yet also daring enough to make the other side wonder and fantasize– what does the rest of his face look like? Did she see him around? Does she recognise his face? 

…does she find the glimpse attractive? (God, Sunwoo, get a fucking grip!)

notsteve [11:02] – sends one picture sunpoodle [11:03]: i feel like a victorian man seeing an ankle for the first time

The reaction makes Sunwoo’s heart pick up at pace, a dumb smile running to his cheeks. If anyone saw him right now, he’d get bullied and picked on until the rest of his life– it’s hard to hide the feelings he tries to keep under control, though. It’s already difficult enough to deal with them on his own– he bets bottling it all up and pretending they don’t exist would even result in making it all that much harder.

notsteve [11:04]: WDYMMMMM notsteve [11:04]: be serious for once sunpoodle [11:04]: oh i AM serious sunpoodle [11:04]: i mean that bed sure does seem comfy o:))

Sunwoo feels like he is going to faint soon. Hell, he feels like the world is suddenly turning faster and it’s hard to keep up.

notsteve [11:05]: i heard its even comfier when you cuddle i mean what who said that sunpoodle [11:06]: im open to trying that out for myself

There are pools forming in Sunwoo’s palms during the course of the conversation, but they only deepen when he realizes that maybe he has to be the one to make the first step and initiate something actually real. Something that isn’t just mysteriously looking selfies in the chat or silly conversations about cuddling and meeting up that could turn into reality, but aren’t, and for what reason is making him absolutely insane.

And so he picks up all of his remaining courage and starts crafting the message inside of his head. How does he bring it up? How does he make it sound real? Like he’s being serious– that he wants to meet her and will turn crazy if it doesn’t happen soon? 

The semester ends in a few days and lord knows if his friend lives anywhere near the campus. Knowing that he wasted his only chance and opportunity would absolutely destroy him, no matter if it’s Christmas or not. 

Before he has a chance to send the carefully crafted message, though, the tone of a new message in his phone makes his attention perk up, reading out the words she’s sent to him via Discord and making his heart drop to the deepest pits of his stomach.

sunpoodle [11:10]: in all seriousness tho we should hang out sometime sunpoodle [11:10]: since we live on the same campus and all lmao sunpoodle [11:10]: (im trying to be so normal about this)

Well, that’s sudden. And unexpected. The boy feels himself grinning, resulting in biting down on his bottom lip to keep himself from screaming out. It’s finally happening– and he wasn’t the one having to write it down first. It’s not only him that seriously wants to meet up, and that has him metaphorically bouncing against the wall of his newly decorated room.

notsteve [11:10]: oh my god its happening notsteve [11:11]: everyone stay calm sunpoodle [11:12]: LMAO bE SERIOUS FOR ONE SEC sunpoodle [11:12]: would love to meet outside of ur bedroom first tho  notsteve [11:13]: omg ofc that was just a jokey joke notsteve [11:13]: just tell me when and where n ill be there notsteve [11:14]: im free literally whenever except from when im not and even then ill make sure i cancel any other thing sooo sunpoodle [11:15]: what about after exams? sunpoodle [11:15]: im busy on tuesday but i can do any other day sunpoodle [11:16]: they opened a new café close to the campus if u wanna see?:)

Sunwoo feels on Cloud 9. It’s finally happening and it’s so close– in just a week. More than 7 days, sure, but it’s still close enough– much closer than never, as he once presumed. Tussling a little in his bed, he makes sure his mouth is covered with his pillow before he lets out the scream he’s been holding for the last few minutes. 

If Eric hears him, Sunwoo is gonna try to convince him that he just stubbed his toe. Nothing else.

The boy is painfully aware of the fact that he’s acting like a teenager in love for the first time– kicking his feet, giggling, thinking of his crush before falling asleep– but frankly speaking, he doesn’t really care. In just over 7 days, he can prove Ji Changmin and everyone wrong: he doesn’t have a crush on someone he hasn’t met before. Because in just over 7 days, he will meet the presumed love of his life and look at her with his own two eyes for the first time.

That day somehow feels more important than his own birthday. Maybe he should get the date tattooed… He’ll think about it.

When he finally takes his face out of the soft pillow, he notices his room went dark. When he reaches for the remote that belongs to the newly installed LED lights, he finds it not working. In any other circumstances, he’d consider either drowning himself in his bathtub or jumping out of his window– since he and Eric live on the 6th floor, it would be high enough to cause the damage needed– but right at this moment, he feels like nothing could ever break his mood again.

notsteve [11:20]: about the lights tho…

Sunwoo doesn’t really know how he grew to love video games. If he really thinks about it, perhaps he could say it was just how boys always turn out– fascinated with anything electric that had a cord attached to it (he once managed to make the power go out for the whole street when soldering his old pair of headphones that stopped working in one ear), but there was also something so fun about gaming that managed to make the boy stick to it– and that thing was how easy it was to make friends during it.

When he was little and his dad bought him his first game boy for Christmas, he not only managed to boost in front of everyone at school during recess by playing with it, but he also managed to lend the device to everyone who stared at it with even the tiniest bit of desire in their eyes for too long. Sunwoo knew not everyone was as fortunate as him, and playing it was so fun– he thought no one should go without trying the game boy at least once. The other kids at the playground kept going back to him to play with his toy and the friendships eventually blossomed to the point that the people around him stayed even beyond the video games– and that’s how Sunwoo met his first ever friend, Ji Changmin. 

Sunwoo always liked having a group of people around him. He enjoyed when his friends from high school would come over to his house and play with the Playstation console he begged for his birthday. He didn’t mind anyone borrowing his phone during class and trying to solve the most difficult level of Geo Dash (since he’s the one that got the farthest in the game), because it meant he got to talk to the desperate gamers during break and have someone to run to the convenience store to buy snacks with afterwards.

He loved going to internet cafés, because even though the initial friendship he had with Eric Sohn and Lee Juyeon came around because they asked him to play Valorant after finding the poor boy alone, waddling into the place completely lonely during his first week of university, the bond got deeper and he can’t imagine his life without the two men in it anymore.

Sure, video games are fun. He likes to play shooting games because he enjoys winning. The competitive nature in him thrives during video games– he loves to tease his opponent, he loves to show that he’s the best. Yeah, Kim Sunwoo enjoys spending his time in the virtual world, escaping the mundane reality. But if he really dwelled deeper on it, he doesn’t think playing Minecraft would be as enjoyable if he didn’t talk to his online friend on the server every day, or if him and his friends didn’t go out and eat dinner together after a round of Overwatch in the late hours of the day.

Which is why he created the Video Gaming club in the first place. To connect people– to play games with the ones who need a buddy in their life. It made him smile to see people that met because of his club hanging out together even outside of it– he felt like he was doing something good. Sunwoo prided himself in the fact that he was the one to connect people together through his hobby, that he could share precious moments and make precious bonds in his circle through gaming. 

Maybe that’s why the last meeting of the club for this semester made him so emotional. Truth be told, he didn’t think the Video Gaming club would make it big– hell, he thought not many people would care to show up each time. As a pat on his back of some sort, Sunwoo decides that the last game of the winter semester should be his favourite.

“Can’t believe you got us playing Minecraft of all games, what are we, 11?” Chan mutters from next to the club leader, making the boy snicker.

“Just say you’re embarrassed about the nickname you chose when you were 11.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Okay, mega_dino, I’ll believe you,” Sunwoo hums and nods, hearing his friends giggle as the younger one takes a hold of his gaming mouse.

Squinting his eyes at his screen, the club leader makes sure everything is set before the game starts. He already moved all of his important items from his main house into an underground hiding place of which coordinates he’d written down before getting to the internet café– knowing that his friends would want to sabotage him as soon as he lets them play on the server he carefully created. He knows letting them play on a different one would be much easier, but he kind of prefers to have the upper hand of owning a couple of diamond swords already, and he’s also too lazy to set up a new one. (And he would have to pay for it– which he isn’t really a fan of. Money is tight when you have to buy new LED lights off Temu every other week.)

“Are we starting already? I miss Minecraft,” Intak whines from the other side of the table, a glass of coke sitting in his hand.

“Why are you saying it like it’s a children’s game?” Sunwoo shakes his head at the comments. Ever since he announced the game of choice for the week, all he’s gotten were either complaints or dreamy sighs about how nostalgic it’s gonna be. Is Minecraft not cool anymore? Should he get a new hobby?

“Kinda is,” Yeji laughs, making the boy roll his eyes at her.

“You’re just mad you’re missing out on all the fun,” he argues, “heal your inner child a little. Make that pretty house you’ve always wanted!”

“I fuck with Minecraft,” an innocent voice lands into his ears from the opposite of him– a voice he would often curse out and cringe at just because of it’s sheer existence in his proximity, but now tolerates in favor of keeping peace in the room. The comment still startles him, though– he didn’t expect anyone to agree with his point. Not if it’s you, anyway.

“Can’t believe you two finally agree on something,” Aeri sighs from your side, the girl always glued to your hip. “You do realise you’re having an advantage if you’re letting us play on your server, though?”

“It’s not like we’re playing extreme survival tournament, come on guys–”

“You aren’t,” you shrug, “don’t really know about the rest of us,” you comment, meeting his eyes with a smug look, a teasing grin slowly slipping its way onto your lips.

“I’m banning anyone who tries to kill me today from the club,” Sunwoo suddenly announces, making everyone sigh at the dramaticness of his theatrical words. “Forever.”

“You can’t ban anyone over a game–” Haechan chimes in, but is cut off by his peer instantly.

“I will call it harassment and bullying,” Sunwoo shrugs, “try to argue with that.”

“You’re just begging to get targeted at this point,” Aeri mumbles, shaking her head at him. She’s right– but Sunwoo is also kind of confident in his defence abilities. 

Unless he gets ganged up on, of course.

Which could happen– truth be told, he’s had it coming.

“Less talking and more gaming, please,” Yangyang calls from the corner, “I wanna steal Sunwoo’s diamonds now. Turn the shit on.”

And although Sunwoo doesn’t really like the implication of his friend’s words, he doesn’t argue. Mainly because 15 minutes have already passed and the club is only supposed to go on for an hour– which leaves the 10 of them only 45 minutes left to mine and do something meaningful. The owner of the server also moved the spawn point the farthest away from his house– in hopes of them not finding it and putting TNT all over the premises. (If they manage to craft some in the limited time space, that is. He doubts it, but truth be told, he can never be too sure.)

“Okay, I sent the IP of the server into the groupchat, so just type it in and press the Play button on the left and it should take you instantly here,” Sunwoo exclaims as he clicks on his server and connects to it, walking around the spawn point with his character for a bit, waiting for the rest of his group to arrive.

Pressing the TAB key, he keeps checking the usernames of the people jumping in. Once mega_dino turns up, he lets out an amused chuckle– there’s nothing that tops the nicknames you made when you were 11. Sunwoo’s email address scares him to this day, but he is too lazy to make a new one, since all of his subscriptions and social media are tied to it– it does make sending official emails to his university coordinators that much embarrassing, though.

Some nicknames are recognisable– such as yejiiiji or haechanahceah, but some are less decipherable, leaving him guessing who could be the one joining the game. He doesn’t ask about them, though, thinking that figuring it out as he plays will be more fun– when one nickname he recognises all too well suddenly shows up on the list of players, making his heart jump in surprise.

What is his friend doing on the server at this time of the day? She doesn’t usually play in the early hours of the afternoon– leaving her sessions to evening or late night. That’s when she calls Sunwoo and asks him to help her with mining (or begging for his diamonds, which he sometimes rejects, but complies with on the days he is the most weak to her cuteness). 

He considers pulling up his phone and texting her on Discord to notify the poor girl about the influx of new players on the server. She must be confused– maybe even scared, who knows– to see so many new people playing at the same time. The server Sunwoo created was a bit small, hosting only a few of his friends and a couple of people he met online, so a big amount of players would surely make it seem like someone hacked him, right?

“Is everyone in?” he asks instead, hearing everyone let out excited hums and nods.

He furrows his brows. The server says 10 people are currently connected to it, but if his calculations are correct, the number should be 11– everyone from his club and his online best friend, sunpoodle.

He does a double take on the list, shaking his head. He counts the people in his head over and over again, a little frustrated. Why is everyone saying they’re in? It’s clearly not adding up.

Looking up from his computer, he eyes the rest of his friends in the café. Everyone is playing soundly and happily, it seems, paying him no mind as they get accustomed with the new world and warm back up to the controls of the game they haven’t played in ages. 

Everyone but one person. Everyone but you.

Instead, you’re left staring at him with stern eyes. The look you offer him is sharp, maybe a little hurt– and at the moment, he doesn’t know why. Confusion is the only feeling jumping around the walls of his brain, making an unpleasant crease appear in between his eyebrows. Gears slowly turning, he tries to figure it all out.

You’re not playing. You’re not paying attention to the game. It’s like you know it all– like you’re so familiar with it, as if playing it daily. As if you know the server he made. As if you have your house in it, decorated with a cute offering in front of the door, a portal to his own home residing in the front yard.

It happens quickly– the realisation. He finally makes the connection. It dawns on him why you look so surprised. Why you look so shocked, so disturbed. 

Because if you’re the only unmoving one on the map right now and his online friend is not the one to play on Tuesday afternoons, there is only one explanation. 

“Oh my fucking god,” leaves his lips, albeit a little involuntarily. His voice is hoarse and harsh when he says the words, a final nail in the coffin for you as you stand up, the sound of the wheels of the chair churning against the floor, making everyone’s eyes snap to you.

You don’t turn off the game before you storm out of the room, giving him a clear view of your back, the character with the adorable skin you’ve picked out staring back at him blankly in the game. For a second, he doesn’t follow you– letting himself process. Everyone turns to Aeri for answers, as she’s the closest with you, but they get nothing as the girl just shrugs, equally confused, before she runs out of the room to find her best friend.

Sunwoos' ears start ringing. He feels like throwing up. 

This can’t be…

There’s nothing more in this world that Kim Sunwoo enjoys more than playing Minecraft. He enjoys mining with music playing in his headphones. He loves crafting and making his house look perfect– just like little him always wanted it when he watched all those videos on youtube growing up. He likes to prank his friend Juyeon by putting random dirt blocks all over his house, or stealing all of Younghoon’s sugar cane when he’s offline, too lazy to grow some himself. He likes to teleport to his friend’s house and leave little surprises at the door, only to hear her call him a few seconds later, her cheerful, yet soft voice repeating in his ears even after he turns off the game and goes to his bed, letting her stories lull him to sleep. 

There’s nothing more in this world that Kim Sunwoo enjoys more than playing Minecraft with his online best friend– the two of them ganging up on the dragon or entering the Nether together to find some glowstone for her house, because she wants it to look aesthetically pleasing. There’s nothing more he enjoys than helping her with little tasks and fighting off creepers away from her property, making sure they don’t blow out all the hard work she’s been putting in.

There’s nothing more in the world that he enjoys more than talking with his online friend during the mundane hours of the day, her messages making him hide his giggles in the back rows of his lecture halls. Nothing he enjoys more than her laugh, her jokes, her voice, her online presence. It calms him and sets him on fire all at once, and he doesn’t think he’s ever cared for anyone this deeply. 

How has he never noticed that the person he hates the most is also the same person that he’s pretty sure he’s in love with? How has he never noticed it was you all the time?

And really, there’s nothing in the world Kim Sunwoo enjoys more than playing Minecraft with you. This time around, though, no progress in the world is made and your voice is not talking his ear off in the background. He shuts off the computer and leaves the place, not giving anyone an ounce of explanation.

You don’t text him in the evening like you always do. There’s no night call to help him sleep better.

He doesn’t turn the LED lights on in his room either, contemplating his life in complete darkness.

Nobody’s seen or heard of Kim Sunwoo in just a little under a week. Actually, that is an over-exaggeration– he went to take his exams, and he also went grocery shopping when he went out of ramen and his signature comfort food: red tasty KitKat bars– but other than that, it’s like the boy has disappeared from the face of earth.

There is no Video Gaming club, since it’s officially break time now– for only 2 weeks, but still– and he is declining every single invitation to hang out coming from his friends. He’s simply not in the mood to go anywhere or do anything, and so he spends his days locked away in his room.

Nothing is able to cut off his stream of thought. He’s not listening to music, so the occasional sounds of his roommate moving somewhere in the shared apartment are the only background noise to his loud inner voice. The elevator music usually playing in his head is replaced by a screaming match, and although he wishes it would stop, he can’t really control it– until the sound of his door opening makes him jolt away from the nightmare he’s living in.

Usually, he just tells Eric to fuck off and leave his room– since he is not in the headspace right now to spare anyone kindness, it seems– but when the disgusted face of Ji Changmin enters the place, Sunwoo knows there is no escaping this interrogation.

“Man, it stinks in here,” the boy grunts, moving through the obstacle course Sunwoo’s room has turned into in the few days he hasn’t bothered to put away his dirty laundry. 

“Go away,” Sunwoo says. It’s a weak attempt– he already knows he lost this battle.

“Yeah, no,” Changmin shakes his head before moving to the window, opening it. “Eric orders a wellness check on you, so I’m not leaving until I figure out what’s wrong. I was told you left the club early the last time?”

Sunwoo doesn’t offer him a response. All Changmin can do is guess in this situation, and trust me, although they’re best friends, sadly, they still haven’t developed telepathy– and so the conversation is a little tougher than the squirrel-like boy would prefer.

“Did something happen?”

Sunwoo recognises it’s already dark outside, the sound of cicadas landing into his ears through the open window. He doesn’t know how long he’s been glued to his mattress, but it makes him feel a little foolish. Not more than his previous actions, though– that surely takes the crown.

“I have a crush on Y/N,” Sunwoo speaks into the existence, startling the boy.

It’s weird for the boy to call you by your name in regards to his feelings. While he was so sure of his growing adoration for you when he spoke to you online, unaware of your real identity, it’s much harder to admit it to himself when the person he spent countless nights dreaming about finally turns into reality, and it’s not the form he expected. It’s confusing. It’s overwhelming– it leaves him thinking. Why did it have to be you?

“What?” Changmin asks, genuine shock and surprise coating his tone. “I thought you hated Y/N.”

The words sting like a slap to his face. He hated you. How could he ever be so reckless with his words to you? How could he be so mean? You must hate him now.

“Didn’t you have a crush on that online girl? What– I’m confused, man…” Changmin trails off, finally sitting at Sunwoo’s bed, the weight of his body making the mattress shift under the lazy man’s figure. 

“She’s the same person,” Sunwoo explains, the weight of his words making heaviness fall over the whole room, coating it with deep silence.

Changmin must think he’s foolish. He must think he is being crazy– hell, he must judge him for liking someone who once broke his heart, even though he was unaware it was the same person that made him feel so loved just by talking to him online. 

He cares about what you think more, though. Do you never wanna see him again? Do you hate him? He would hate himself, if he was you. 

Does he hate you? Does he want to see you again? Is your friendship over?

Did he lose you?

He hasn’t spoken to you in what feels like forever. Sunwoo’s throat closes on itself, making a real, visceral emotion run through his whole body and hit right in his chest, close to his heart. The corners of his eyes burn and he feels like running out of the room straight onto an ongoing traffic– he is unsettled. He feels terrible.

“Dude, are you crying?” Changmin asks with a shiteating grin on his face, pointing towards the younger one’s face. 

“No!” Sunwoo bluntly replies, voice hoarse and scratchy, harshly wiping off the tear that managed to roll down his cheek– almost slapping himself in the process. 

Changmin laughs. He laughs. Like it’s funny. Like it’s unserious and nothing is going on, like there is nothing to be worried about, and Kim Sunwoo is just being his overdramatic self, as always. Changmin laughs as if liking someone who once broke your friend’s heart is silly and not a big deal. As if not recognising someone you like online in real life is a normal experience, and not completely embarrassing– as if being mean to the same person you claim to adore is fine, and nothing to hate yourself over.

Sunwoo is conflicted. Talk about cognitive dissonance.

“Why are you laughing? It’s not funny,” Sunwoo pouts, the familiar wrinkle appearing in the middle of his eyebrows again, making his friend roll his eyes at the boy’s distress.

Changmin sighs. “It kinda is, if you think about it,” he shrugs, “you claim to hate Y/N, but turns out you’ve been in love with her all along…”

“You’re really not helping.”

“Well, what do you want me to do?” Changmin snickers. “I think this makes it easier for you. I know you were nervous about meeting her in real life, so this kind of takes off the pressure, since you already know each other.”

Sunwoo looks at his friend like he’s crazy. Does he not get the full weight of the situation? Does he not realise how serious this all is?

“What are you even talking about? Do you not hate me?” Sunwoo asks.

“Me?” Changmin asks, his head turning to the side like a confused puppy’s. “I don’t think I’m the person you need to worry about– although I’m sure you worry plenty– why would I hate you for liking Y/N?”

“Because she is your ex-girlfriend?” Sunwoo mumbles, twisting in his bed to have a better look at his friend. 

He is met with a few seconds of silence. He is starting to think his whole life is a joke and he is in some sort of a weird knock-off of the Truman show. How can you and Changmin both have the same reaction to his undying loyalty? He is being taken for granted, that’s for sure.

“You utter buffoon, that was ages ago! I honestly forget we even dated sometimes, it was so short-lived,” Changmin laughs before he rests his back against the wall of Sunwoo’s room, getting more comfortable in his new position. He knows the conversation isn’t over yet– there is more on the boy’s mind than the past relationship.

“Oh,” Sunwoo hums. 

“Yeah, oh,” Changmin laughs. “I honestly thought there was more to your hate towards Y/N, but I never really asked because I thought it was some gamer stuff or something that I couldn’t give two shits about. If I had known it was all because of my relationship from high school, I would’ve set the record straight a long time ago.”

“Well, maybe you should’ve.”

Sunwoo feels defeated. Like a deflated balloon. The weight on his shoulders stays the same despite the newfound information– because truth be told, this was never the problem in the first place.

And he is aware of that. Changmin is as well– he knows his best friend a little too much.

“But that’s not all there is to it, is it?” Changmin hums, poking the boy’s side with his long finger, burying it into his hoodie-covered flesh.

Sunwoo’s averted gaze and the chewing on the inside of his cheek is enough of an answer. “What is it?”

“It’s just… I don’t know how to feel about Y/N anymore,” Sunwoo confesses, snickering to himself. “Like, online, she was this perfect angel, like– don’t laugh at me now, you know I’m fucking sensitive– she was just… she was everything, you know?”

Changmin hums. “And in real life?”

“In real life, we were never really close and I hated her. How can I like someone I so strongly dislike in real life? It’s stupid…”

“You only hated what she did to me when we were teenagers, Sunwoo. You made yourself loathe something that wasn’t even there,” Changmin says, smiling sympathetically at the boy. “Do you think she is suddenly a different person to the one you got to know online just because she made a few mistakes when we were young?”

“I dunno…”

“I think you do know, you’re just scared to admit it to yourself, because you know you were a dick to her,” his best friend bluntly announces, watching Sunwoo wince at the words. Truth hurts– but it’s what he needs to hear. Because Changmin’s right, and Sunwoo is too tired of keeping all of these doubts hidden.

“Changmin, I can’t like her–”

“Why?” the boy cuts him off. “Because you said so? You were so big on saying how much you loved her for who she is, without knowing her in real life and knowing what she looked like. And sure, I made fun of you for it countless times before– but don’t you think you know her well enough by now? And don’t try to tell me you don’t know her just because you met online, because you know you’d be a fucking hypocrite.”

“But it’s Y/N.”

“Does that make any difference?”

Sunwoo moves from the inside of his cheek to bite at the dry skin of his lower lip. After tugging at the chapped mess, he feels iron on his tongue from tearing off a piece of his skin, eyes still pressed sternly into the ceiling. 

Does it make any difference? Does Sunwoo like you less now that he knows who you are? It was never about the looks for him– and god knows he barely even knew you in real life. Saying he wasn’t interested anymore would make him a hypocrite. 

Every time he thinks of the night talks you two shared and the secrets you’d tell him, trusting him with anything and everything, his heart still stummers in his chest and his stomach does that weird thing everyone in the romantic movies his roommate Eric watches talks about– but now, the girl has a face and a voice, and Sunwoo can’t say he hates it. He can’t say he hates you.

“I guess it doesn’t,” Sunwoo whispers, saying the obvious.

He still wants you. Just the way you are. Sure, he was shocked– anyone would be– but the feelings he has for you are still the same; it’s just the hate that slowly left his body, disappearing like the puddles of rain on the pavement on a sunny day. 

He can’t hate someone so important to him. How foolish of him to once think you were the bane of his existence.

“So why don’t you two just talk it out?” Changmin asks, pointing out the obvious.

Sunwoo plays with the skin around his cuticles for a while, nervously picking at the loose skin and making himself bleed once again, the nerves getting the worst out of him. “I think I’m a little scared.”

“So I was right. You’re scared she will push you away because you were a dick to her all those times before,” Changmin once again states the obvious.

“Basically,” Sunwoo says, his insecurities slowly slipping through his mouth and out to the wild, hanging in the air. “As much as my feelings didn’t change, I think hers might have. And that’s… that’s scary.”

In Sunwoo’s eyes, what you and he had together was special. He never wanted to lose you to something like this– over spite, a foolish lack of judgement. The thought of never talking to you again is making his insides crash on themselves, guilt slowly, but surely eating him alive. The best thing that’s ever happened to him might be royally fucked over, and there is no one else he can blame but himself.

“Well, you don’t know that. And although I know you might be too scared to find out, you two both need to have a talk. Don’t you think you owe each other that much?”

Changmin’s right. He almost always is– he doesn’t know why Sunwoo ever thought the older one needed protecting. Like a pouty child, Kim Sunwoo is comforted by his best friend’s words, maybe even a little scolded and enlightened by the dimpled boy. The appreciation in his heart almost outgrows the worry, but there is still a you-shaped hole in his chest that he feels the need to fill– only if you allow him to.

He didn’t expect for it to end up being you, but he doesn’t hate the idea. 

He’s not opposed to it. He welcomes it, because 

It’s still the same you. In whatever form, in whatever shape– he knows your soul, and he fears nothing will ever take away and move the feelings he treasures for you to another place, to some other.

They’re reserved for you only. (Also, he always thought your cunning smile was nice to look at. He just tried to suppress the idea of it deep, deep within his mind.)

“We were supposed to meet tomorrow,” Sunwoo hums, “I’ll see if she… still wants to come.”

Changmin smiles. “I knew you were smarter than this.” 

The backhanded compliment would rile him up on most occasions– this time, though, he knows it’s deserved.

One would say Kim Sunwoo didn’t think much before going up to the new café that opened downtown the week after exams, just like you two scheduled. Why?

First of all, he didn’t really check in with you to see if the offer is still up and if you want to meet him after all of this. Second of all, he turned up almost 35 minutes too early, since he was so nervous pacing around his flat that he physically couldn’t stay in the closed space anymore, and third of all, he’s fairly certain he put two different socks on when he was dressing himself, and after further inspection by the front door of the coffee place, pulling his jeans up to take a look, he finds out his suspicions were correct.

The thing is, though, against popular belief, Kim Sunwoo thought almost a little too much before going to the scheduled hangout. He thought about it the whole night before– and the whole previous week, if he’s being honest. He thought about it so much it consumed his every waking thought, leaving him all over the place, distracted and distressed. On most occasions, Eric had to ask a question five times before he was heard by his dear roommate, and if he wanted a real answer out of him, he had to gentle parent him through the conversation.

Sunwoo thought about it so much up to the point that you were all that was in his head. You and your last conversations on Discord which he spent the whole week rereading, you and your house in Minecraft that was left untouched since the last time you two played together (he checked). You and your laugh and the gentle, soft voice you only used with him on your calls– the voice that lulled him to sleep and make him feel butterflies in his stomach, unrecognisable to the hardened tone you used with him whenever you met up in real life when the conflicts he used to stir got the best out of you.

You and your cunning smile. You and your piercing, playful gaze. You and your hair that always kept falling into your face when you were crouched over the keyboard. It’s almost laughable how much he managed to pay attention to you in real life before knowing you were the same person he spent months adoring over the internet– the universe really works in strange ways sometimes.

So really, Kim Sunwoo has thought a lot about you and you two meeting before actually leaving the house; which could also very well be the reason why he didn’t text you to see if you still want to see him in the first place– in fear of being declined, in fear of being rejected by the only person he so deeply craves the validation from.

If you don’t show up, he will just go home and pretend none of this ever happened.

(Or at least he hopes he can.)

The more time he spends standing in front of the coffee shop, though, the more his hope of ever seeing you again gets smaller and smaller. Minutes are slowly passing him by like last summer, and he swears he’s never felt the passing of time more than right in this moment. He feels like he is gaining 5 years every 5 minutes that he’s standing in the middle of the pavement– the clock striking well past 20 minutes of when you were supposed to meet.

He will give it 10 more minutes, he thinks. 20, at most. Maybe he can wait an hour. Maybe you got stuck in the traffic. Maybe you got confused with the time…

Or maybe you’re just not coming, and he has to accept that.

Kicking the rocks under his feet while also trying to get out of the way of people walking past, he puts his hands deep into his pockets. He would rather die than to embarrass himself in front of you by texting you, and so he figures that if he just waits a few more minutes, God will surely give him a sign of when to stop holding back his tears and go back home…

“You look like a kicked puppy,” a voice– teasing, yet also a bit cautious– falls into his ears, making him perk up and look behind his shoulder. God must really love him today, he thinks.

No words escape his mouth for the time being. His brain goes short circuit a little at the sight of you– and in that moment he fully realises that he didn’t actually expect you to come, and that makes him feel even worse about himself. Relief washes over him like a wave of tsunami, the surprised look adorning Sunwoo’s face disappearing in seconds as he tries to manage his racing heartbeat.

“You came,” slips out from between his lips, making the boy immensely embarrassed with his choice of words. 

“I did,” you nod, pressing your lips tightly against each other, an awkward half-smile doing nothing to calm down Sunwoo’s nerves. “I figured you either come and we figure this out, or you don’t and I get something to treat myself to chase down the disappointment.”

You’d be disappointed if he didn’t come. Just the sentiment makes Sunwoo’s heart do backflips in his ribcage– how could he ever think he hated you? 

“Kind of same, actually,” he replies, nodding.

An awkward silence falls over you two like a weighted blanket, making Sunwoo’s stomach churn in discomfort. This is not how he imagined your first meeting to be– but then again, it’s not like he is meeting his online best friend (if he can even call you that anymore) for the first time. He tries to find the memory of your first meeting somewhere in the depths of his mind, but much to his dismay, he is left unsuccessful. He never really deemed it that important before– curse him and his reckless teenage mind.

“Uhm,” you hum, scratching the back of your neck, “I was… the bus was late, by the way. I didn’t purposefully let you wait to like, get back at you or something,” you suddenly explain, your lips stretching into a sympathetic smile.

The explanation doesn’t matter to him anymore. He doesn’t care if you came 20 minutes late and if you took the bus or if you built a portal in the back rooms of the very café you’re supposed to enter in a few minutes– all that matters is that you came and that you’re here, right in front of Sunwoo’s eyes, and you’re not pulling out a machete or an axe on him as a revenge for all the times he acted wrongly towards you in the past.

“Oh, no worries,” he hums almost immediately, “you’re here now, and that’s all that matters,” he nods. 

After another shared, prolonged look between the two of you– one in which he scans you up and down, as if actually seeing you for the first time (and noticing the switch in your usual attire: you exchanged your cargo pants for a skirt, something more fancy, yet telling), a look in which he gets all red in his cheeks, wondering if you noticed the way he did his hair differently today, just to appeal to you– he clears his throat and takes a step towards the café, opening the door for you like the gentleman he tries to be today. “Let’s go in, then!”

You follow his lead, entering the small, yet cozy place. The cold weather outside makes a good contrast with the heating of the café, and when Sunwoo takes a look at the board above the counter, he finds a seasonal menu welcoming him in with a big bear hug. Hot chocolate is just what he needs after all of this, and he won’t deny himself the pleasure of one now.

“Hot choccy?” you ask, smiling softly at the silent figure standing next to you. Sunwoo is caught off-guard with your suggestion and the gentle curve of your lips just the same, warmth spreading to the inside of his heart at the realisation that you know him so well. It’s her. It’s really her, he gasps in disbelief.

“Want one as well?” he asks after nodding, watching you shrug. He takes that as a yes, and since he thinks he did a lot of damage over the course of your friendship, he takes the lead and pays for your drink to try and make up for it– which you don’t fight him over, and he doesn’t find it in him to care. Actually, he thinks he kind of appreciates it. 

After taking a seat in one of the booths in the corner– the cream sofa hugs him in just well, and Sunwoo thinks he might just give this place a 5 star review on Yelp, depending on the way this date- I mean… friendly gathering goes– he is met with another excruciating, suffocating silence. He never really had much trouble talking to you before– surely not online, but also not whenever you were around in real life settings as well, since he always found a way to tease you and make fun of you, giving you most of his undivided attention– but this time around, he thinks keeping up a conversation with you might just be the hardest thing he’s ever had to experience. 

You make him nervous. You make him doubtful. If he wondered about how you’d perceive him after meeting him before knowing you two were acquainted already, he is wondering even more now– do you hate him? Do you wish he wasn’t the one sitting opposite of you right now? Do you want to leave and never talk to him again?

Is he good enough? Does he live up to the expectations– if you even had any?

All previous hatred towards you disappears as fast as a click of your finger, and Kim Sunwoo is left breathless at the fact that you’re right there, in front of him– his online best friend. He thinks he might have still liked you even if you turned out to be a mass murderer. He thinks he might have still liked you even if you were a 50 year old male in a disguise. He thinks the bond you two have built over the internet is much stronger than any mean comments he threw your way before– and the only thing left is to hope you feel the same.

Opening his mouth to speak, he thinks it’s time to have that conversation.

“Listen, I–”

“Were you disappointed that it was me?” you cut him off suddenly, fast as lightning– as if to hurry to get the question out before you chicken out of it.

Sunwoo is left staring at you open-mouthed, shocked. There was not a single minute of his existence where he’d feel disappointed with your identity. The thought never even crossed his brain once, and suddenly, he feels stupid. 

He left you hanging for a whole week– all because he thought you’d hate him. He left you wondering in silence, doubting yourself and thinking you’re not who he would’ve liked– all because of his own insecurities. Why has he not thought of your side of things as well?

“No,” he simply states, watching your face morph into a more relaxed one, eyes softening. “Not at all, no,” he shakes his head.

“I just– it’s…”

“I’m sorry if I ever made you feel that way,” Sunwoo utters out. You press your lips together, listening. “Was I surprised? Mhm. Shocked? Yeah, of course I was… but no, I was never disappointed that it turned out to be you. Not for a single moment.”

“I thought you hated me,” you note, chuckling. The words sting on Sunwoo’s skin, but he figures he’s not the one to be hurt right now– and so he sucks it up and hums.

“I was being petty,” he agrees. “And childish. Nothing to be so passionate about as I was,” he admits, forcefully laughing at his own actions. “Nothing to throw away everything we… nothing to throw away the friendship that means so much to me.”

The sincerity of his own words scares him. There is a quiet desperation in him that wants to prove to you that he’s not as bad as he presented himself to be. There is a need in him to fix everything he ruined, to show you that he’s the same Sunwoo you know from the internet, and that all of this is worth it. 

“And I’m sorry, just… just by the way.”

Sunwoo never thought he’d be left apologizing to you– but here he is. Maybe this whole thing taught him something– maybe you taught him something. 

“Ah,” you shrug. “It’s okay. I mean, it was kind of fun watching you be so pressed about nothing, but I’m glad it’s resolved now,” you laugh.

You laugh, and the atmosphere immediately clears. Sunwoo feels like he can breathe lighter, like the cold isn’t so overbearing outside, like he hadn’t just spent the last week locked in his room, contemplating the point of living at all. He didn’t think it would be this easy… 

Something inside of him truly believed he lost you for good. 

“I mean, you were the one that ran out of the internet café without an explanation–”

“You cursed me out!” you argue, kicking his shin lightly under the table.

The boy fakes offense, pointing his finger at you. “That wasn’t directed at you! Just the situation in general.”

“That includes me,” you add.

“Sure, but still– I was just surprised. I really didn’t expect my online best friend to be sitting in the same room as me every week, that’s for sure,” he says, watching as your eyes light up at the title, a cute smile overtaking your features.

“I also didn’t expect you to ghost me for a full week after,” you add, shrugging. “You’re usually so desperate for attention,” you hum, making the boy’s cheeks heat up like a furnace, eyes averting your gaze at all costs. Now, this surely wasn’t on the list of things he wanted to discuss with you today.

Clearing his throat, he makes eye contact with his mug instead, desperately trying to shift the topic of the conversation. “Drink it, it’s getting cold…”

“Sure… Whatever you say, Steve,” you tease. When he looks up at you from under his eyelashes, there’s the same cunning smile on your face that he watched all those times when you won against him at League of Legends– the same smile that used to always drive him crazy, but he now recognises that he translated the implications of his insanity all wrong (because he thinks that maybe somewhere deep inside of his romantic, rotten soul, he might have known all along)– and he wonders if this was the smile you always wore when you made fun of him for falling asleep on the call with you again, the boy using your soft, sleepy voice as a lullaby. 

Sunwoo almost chokes on his drink, pointing an accusing finger at you. “Speaking of,” he starts, “the kids miss you. Go and feed them, miss,” he says, watching you roll your eyes at him. The dogs you co-parent with him in Minecraft  have been sitting near your front door ever since you last logged out, and even though coming to your house felt like an emotional torture in the time you were gone, Sunwoo always managed to feed them like he would with a real animal.

Call him childish, for all he cares. 

“Okay, damn,” you say, rolling your eyes at him. “You only say that because you want me to finally move our beds together, don’t you?” you tease him, referencing the little offering he made for you months ago– the one that’s still secure outside of your house despite many of its renovations.

Sunwoo almost chokes on his drink again. You grin at him– a sight that makes his insides feel like they were threaded with gold. He swears hot chocolate has never felt so sweet before. 

If he wasn’t sure of it before, he’s fairly certain now– you can fall for someone over the internet. And yes, the crush translates to its full form after meeting them in person.

“I mean, I wouldn’t be opposed to it…” he mumbles, not really quick enough to come up with a good comeback now that he’s face to face with you, making you giggle cutely at his sudden shyness. This is not how you know Kim Sunwoo– the sheepish composure is so far of the boy you met online, but also the one that ridiculed you during a casual game of CS:GO weeks ago.

“I’ll decide if it’s worth it after you show me the lights you’ve been talking my ear off about,” you say– and he thinks he won. Because this is an invitation to his room– an invitation for further hangouts. If you keep flirting with him like this, Sunwoo thinks he might just combust.

There is only one problem, though.

“About the lights…”

BONUS // A YEAR LATER

If you would’ve told Kim Sunwoo that he will end up in a long distance relationship only a bit more than a year ago, he would’ve believed you. See, he’s a stranger to denial– he is quite good at accepting his own feelings for what they were, inwardly, at least– and so he was fairly certain he was in love with his online best friend even before he had a chance to meet her. Somewhere along the line, given the fact that his feelings would be reciprocated, he imagined going further with the establishment, no matter how far or close in distance you were from each other.

Turns out, life is funny in many ways and his online best friend, the proclaimed love of his life, lived just around the corner with her roommate Aeri. She still doesn’t like him that much, but Sunwoo puts effort into visiting his girlfriend at her place often, in hopes that her best friend finally warms up to him a little– he thinks it’s almost like approaching a stray cat. The Sylvanian families shrine the two girls hold in their living room is also fascinating to him– he didn’t think someone with a stern look like Aeri’s could stare at something so adorable and small so lovingly.

“Sunwoo, once again, we are not in a long distance relationship,” you say over the speakers of his sister’s laptop that he borrowed just so he could call with you, making him mourn into the poor-quality microphone. 

“We are! You’re so far away right now, how can you justify it not being a long distance relationship?” 

“We literally saw each other a week ago,” you deadpan, “and we will see each other again after we come back to uni, you moron.”

See, Sunwoo’s definition of a long distance relationship is a bit warped. As long as you’re not in the same town as him, he considers you too far away– and in any other circumstance, you would find it cute (bless his heart), but when you’re trying to enjoy your break with your family that you haven’t seen in a while, it’s becoming just the tiniest bit overbearing.

“That’s too long.”

“You’re being a baby,” you grunt, making your boyfriend pout at the other side of the call, seen by his web camera. You were against turning your own on, but were forced to nonetheless– Sunwoo’s ‘I need to see your face or else I’ll die’ was too convincing not to. You know he won’t, but at the same time, the poor boy could turn a little manic at times– you had to make sure he will survive until your next meeting.

“God, a man can’t even miss his long distance girlfriend in peace–”

“I am not your long distance girlfriend. We’re literally only like 4 hours away from each other right now, that’s not even–”

“If you think about it,” Sunwoo cuts you off, making you sigh. “It’s like we’re back to square one. Y’know, before we started dating.”

“Not really…?” you try to argue with him, planning to point out the fact that back then, you used to call on Discord and not Whatsapp, with no camera on and using fake names, but the boy cuts you off fast, knowing that you’re right and he just can’t let you have the point.

“I miss your kisses, that’s all.”

Still hung up on the previous comment, you sigh. “We weren’t even kissing back then, Sunwoo.”

The boy stares at you for a second, blinking, before he breaks out into a huge grin. “Well, maybe not you. Me, however, I was kissing the screen everytime your character showed up–”

“I’m going to end the call,” you warn him. Why are you even dating him? He has a bitchless loser energy– maybe you should let him live up to it.

“No no no– okay, I’ll be normal.”

“I find that hard to believe,” you sigh.

If you would’ve told Kim Sunwoo that he will end up in a long distance relationship only a bit more than a year ago, he would’ve believed you. After seeing the little heart shaped altar in front of your house in Minecraft every time he plays– your beds now stuck together, making him sense that he finally made it– he truly wouldn’t find this accusation hard to believe.

Truth be told, though, he’s much happier with having a normal relationship with you.

One where he gets to hold you, one where he gets to kiss you. One where you finally come over and he gets to impress you with the LED strip he finally got off a proper electronic place instead of a cheap online store, investing money into the device he gets to use behind the locked doors of his room for atmospheric purposes whenever you two–

Anyways. 

Maybe Changmin was right and he was always being just too overly-dramatic. He was also right when he accused Sunwoo of having a huge crush on you online, after all. 

Still, Sunwoo wouldn’t change it for anything. Despite the history you share, he actually thinks you’re pretty fucking cute.

And real. And his. 

And thankfully, not a thousand miles away. (Although it may feel like it right now.)

[soggyriceee]

Hey could u do Königs reaction to his f partner having a tummy bulge in the yk? Love the way you write 🫶🏻

so small~ | Konig

thank you anon for your request <3 tummy bulge's are so fucking hot to me so I defo had fun writing this

summary: Konig reacting to you having a tummy bulge during your first time

warning: gentle to rough sex, unprotected p in v, praise, female!reader, established relationship, breeding kink

"come on maus.. I know you can take it" he mumbled, sliding the rest of his length inside your cunt. you hand covered over your mouth, trying to stay quiet as your parents were right next door. they had come over for your college graduation and were extremely excited for you. but Konig seemed to be a lot more excited for you.

"gonna stay quiet right? gonna let me use this pretty little cunt of yours?" he groaned, sliding halfway out before thrusting right back in. you nodded your head quickly, looking up into his hooded eyes. he smiled down at you, pressing a kiss onto your temple. "such a good girl" he cooed, sliding all the way out this time before shoving himself all the way back in. your muffled whimper didnt go unheard by him at all, in fact it only prompted him to move his hips against yours faster.

his head dipped into your neck, his lips sucking hickies onto the most noticeable spots. you cursed him in your head mentally, but you felt so much bliss in this moment, your couldn't tell him to stop doing anything. " so fucking tight libeling.. such a tight fucking pussy" he moaned, his hands gripping onto your hips. your eyes pressed shut, palm becoming sweaty from all your muffled moans. " wanna s-start a family with you libeling.. wanna... make you.. a mommy." he moaned breathlessly. his hand that was on your hip moved up to your boob, holding it in his hand.

his lips latched onto your nipple, looking up at you through his lashes. you looked down at him, eyes hooded. he pulled away from your nipple, a string of saliva between his lips and your nipple. that same hand was on its way to your clit when he felt something on your tummy. he looked down, worried at what it was. but that worry quickly faded away when he noticed it was just a tummy bulge. from his fucking dick.

he smirked and looked up at you, your eyes drifting to where his once were. " see that libeling? see how full you are of me?" he whispered, pressing down on where his dick popped out. your head pressed back into the pillow, toes curling into the sheets. his eyes fell back onto the bulge, watching it reaper and then disappear. this only made him wanna fuck you faster, and so he did.

he placed his hands back onto your hips, lifting them slightly so your back alone was pressed into the mattress, hips in the air. this angle quickly became too much for you, his tip hitting right at your womb. a painfully good feeling you had to admit. the moans and whimpers that were once muffled by your hands were no more as both your hands went to grip his forearms. "look at it libeling.. can barely f-fucking take me" he groaned, eyes still watching the tiny bump in your tummy.

your mouth fell open, pretty whimpers leaving your lips. your parents were the last people you were thinking about right now. konig was quite literally in your guts, and you could do everything but remain silent. " k-konig im c..close" you whined, looking into his eyes. he looked up at you, sweat covering his body. "hold it." was all he said before moving his hips faster. as if you could even hold it. his dick rubbed so well on your g spot, the tummy bulge only adding to the sexiness of what was happening.

"wanna stay in t-this pussy forever libeling.. fuck its s-so good" he whimpered, head falling back. the sound of skin slapping filled the room, alongside your moans and his. you were sure your parents were awake now, but that was an issue to deal with in the morning. "s-so close.. gonna fuck t-this cunt full of cum.. and you..better take a-all of it." he groaned, his head falling forward.

you were dangerously close to spurting all over him, and he knew it. the way your pussy was throbbing around him, sucking him back in. the sound of your slick squelching together made him go absolutely feral, his eyes going back and forth between your bulge and your dripping cunt. " c-cant hold it..anymore" you cried out, looking up at him with pleading eyes. "cum for me baby.. fuck cum all over me" he whined, looking down to your cunt.

he watched as your cum sprayed onto his abdomen, completely covering his cock. he mouth fell sightly ajar, watching how your cum dripped town to the bed sheets, even onto his balls. your whole body trembled below him, tears of pure pleasure seeping through your lashes. "oh i'm g-gonna cum m-maus.. please milk my cock baby, please" he moaned, looking into your tired eyes. your pussy clenched around him again, his begging making your pussy throb all over.

his hips picked up in both speed and force, the bed hitting against the wall behind you. but he didn't care. not one bit. his hand found your bulge again, pressing down on it. "fuck i'm cumming maus I-i'm.. fuck!" his hips thrusted deep into yours his head falling into your neck. he whimpered into your neck, holding you close to him. " f..fuck" he whispered, his body falling limp onto yours. your arms wrapped around his neck, pressing a kiss onto his forehead. " my parents may kill you" you said into his ear. he chuckled and pressed a kiss onto your neck.

" thats a tomorrow issue".

[sahisan]

OKAY OKAY BRO. WHAT IF EI KEEP SCARA?? So like inagine a shogun!scara x Kitsune!reader (like Ei and Miko) during the vision hunt decree where reader is helping traveler by distracting scara with cute dates cuddle and keeping him from chasing traveler by holding him in the tightest im race and just sleeping on top of him. BRO AAAA THAT SOUNDS SO CUTE and scara is annoyed at first but eventually just gives in and Ei is just like 🧍‍♀️. idk if you have anons but -💤🌀

★ summary: shogun!kunikuzushi x kitsune!fem!reader. you're using your little tricks to distract him from the traveler's arrival.

☆ cw: sfw. fluff. established relationship. 1009 words.

☾ a/n: thank you 💤🌀anon for your req! i got so inspired that i started writing this almost instantly after getting the req.

there weren't any news in inazuma that weren't heard by shogun's all-knowing ears. the vision hunt decree was progressed well - until some rumors appeared about a certain traveler from the overseas who decided that they're capable of standing against the vision hunt decree, and against the shogun himself.

"hah. how amusing." kunikuzushi mumbled, having a devilish grin attached to his lips. "who do they think they are?"

"hm? what're you talking about, kuni?" you looked over his shoulder curiously, your ears twitching in amusement.

you always watched kunikuzushi's emotional spectre with delight. once even witnessing his face going from having a smirk to one of horror and disgust when he realised that you bought all the available dango from the narukami island just to arrange a picnic date with him, clearly knowing that he hated dango. he got mad instantly, walking away, furiously stomping his feet. (he felt bad right after could barely resist your puppy eyes and wiggling tails when you tried to get him back.)

or when you drew small kitsune all over his face with a permanent ink, or the time when he decided to pay you back with asking the seller to put salt and pepper in your mochi, or the incident in a shrine when you almost got caught-

even if that happened just once, he already witnessed a thousand of your little pranks for the following thousands years of you being by his side.

so you, suddenly appearing near him now, couldn't bring any good news. kunikuzushi knew it, reacting at your emergence with an exasperated groan.

"what do you need now?" he turned around to you, his long kimono hem spread on the grass. he was sat under a few sakura trees, so there were some pink petals on his clothes.

you examined his face with great amusement and a usual soft smile, until... you started giggling. your giggles quickly turned into a full-blown laughing session.

"you- k-kuni- hahaha!... don't you see?" you tried speaking through your laugh, holding a fan up to your lips to cover your giggles.

your hand reached to - as he thought - touch his nose, but instead, you held up a sakura petal between your fingers that sticked to his nose. you couldn't hold back another laughter, tripping over your own kimono and falling on top of him.

"what are you- [name]! get off of me!" kunikuzushi could barely hold a yelp as you fell on him, not letting him get any chance to move.

you spread yourself on top of him, your body a bit shaking from all the laughing, as you tried to steady your hands, putting them on each sides of his head to look down at him. letting out a few last giggles you finally stopped, a large smile plastered on your lips as you stared down at him with amusement. your hand reached once more to touch his hair, getting a few more sakura petals out of it.

kunikuzushi's face looked like a mix of embarrassment and irritation - knitted together brows and a slight blush on his pale cheeks because of how close you two are now - you couldn't guess which one was there more, so your only option was to stare down at him, until a guard from the shogunate approached both of you.

"shogun, the traveler was spotted near tenshukaku." the guard informed, seemingly not minding your little hugging session - could that even be called hugging?

kunikuzushi sighed, running a hand through his hair. the moment was almost ethereal, why did it have to be interrupted so fast?

"that idiot-" he gave a useless try to stand up, only for you to pin him down again.

"hush, you're staying here." you spoke to him, your hand's fingers entwined with his indigo hair, curling and brushing it on some places. "there's no way i'll let you go now."

"[name], stop with these games, it's an emergen-"

"kunikuzushi, i said you're staying here." you shot him a glare with narrowed eyes, a smile disappearing from your features. it then came back almost instantly when you looked up at the guard. yet, the smile on your lips now seemed threatening, showing your authority. "the shogunate are able to keep an eye on them, aren't you?"

"i- y-yes, yes, we can... you can rely on us." the guard, seemingly a bit frightened - as you intended - took a step back, and bowed deeply to both of you. you kept your intimidating grin, nodding to them. they ran as soon as you sent them away.

"that's better." you smiled at kunikuzushi, now without that gloomy appearance. he, in turn, could only stare at you with a sceptical look.

"you didn't even let me finish, and i'm the shogun here." he says, his eyes narrowed and a small frown on his face. giggling, you could tell his pride was hurt by your actions.

"aw, don't get all grumpy. here..." you leaned down, your lips meeting his. the kiss wasn't heated, it was rather transmission of emotions. you enjoy the moment to the fullest; there was no hurry in both your and his actions. he moved his lips slowly, gently, and closes his eyes. you, on the other hand, let your fingers entangle in his hair, moving your hand down to his neck, tips of your fingers gently sliding down his skin.

it was a sweet moment. the sound of the wind as it blows gently through the sakura trees, the birds chirping above, the sun shining bright...

that was, until you heard a crack of wood underneath him. breaking the kiss, you looked down at him with your brows furrowed.

"...did you just break my fan?"

"you didn't let me stand up!" kunikuzushi protested, his back feeling the broken wood. shit, you won't let that slide now, he thought.

"jackass. now you're definitely not going anywhere." you plopped down at him once again, the fur of your ears slightly touching his jaw as you nuzzled your face in the crook of his neck. kunikuzushi groaned.

"[name], don't forget that you're a bit... heavy too. ugh... wait, are you sleeping?!"

[oistak]

do you write alphabets?? if yes then valentino nsfw alphabet maybee????🙏🙏🙏 please and thank you

Valentino nsfw alphabet

about a third of the way through i realized that my brain cannot do this much in a sitting and have it be something im happy with, so i've specified in pinned post that you can only request up to five letters at a time, sry yall <3

a = aftercare (what they're like after sex)

cold and distant. val doesn't believe in aftercare. since he works in the porn industry, anything after cut is a money waster for him. val is more of a hit it and quit it rather than a romantic, he hates being intimate and it shows. he’ll probably stay for a few minutes- smoking, before getting dressed and leaving

b = body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner's)

his arms. he loves watching you writhe as he holds you down and thrusts into you, he loves watching his nails dig into your thighs, he wants any feeling of power over you and he feels the utmost amount of control and advantage while he does this. he loves your legs, he’ll watch them tremble as he realeases into you, he'll will hold them over your head, or hang one of them off his shoulder

c = cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

watching you covered in his cum was a turn on. he loved the thought of marking you as his and only his. his jizz is prob very thin and miky and it covers you face like a mask, is he finishes inside your throat he will absolutely make you swallow-no exceptions, he makes you clean his cock after for sure

d = dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

none of his dirty secrets are secrets

e = experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)

crazy experienced. i mean have you seen the films he makes? he knows this industry better than the back of his hands. anything you wanna do he’s open to it cause hes already done everything. he knows every position, every trick, every toy, this is his field of study and he’ll be sure not to disappoint

f = favorite position (this goes without saying)

oyster, so he can hold you down, again, he loves to feel in control. also this gives him full access to you and hes able to thrust as deep as he can reach, it makes him feel connected with you, like you're both bonding on a deeper level because there is nothing that says “strong relationship” like rawdogging into them

g = goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

sex is his job, theres nothing funny about it and if you laugh or make jokes, he’ll definitely make it so you can’t walk tomorrow

h = hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

completely shaven the carpet does match the drapes because there's nothing up there either. he keeps it smooth and probably has a few piercings, gold of course to match his chain. he still has white armpit hair tho he shaves his legs and pubes daily and also bathes himself in some musky cologne

i = intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

omg thats funny, val? intimacy?

j= jack off (masturbation headcanon)

he doesn't need to, he has whores at his disposal, so if you’re not here he won’t mind taking his mind off things with a few of his top-earners sucking him off, he’s not that needy anyways that he can wait for you to get back or he’ll normalizes jerking off and does it in his studio

k = kink (one or more of their kinks)

val has all the kinks but i think he’d be most into fucking you in public, something about the thrill and showing everyone else that you're his, and he is the only one who could make you cum so much and that he own you: soul and body

l= location (favorite places to do the deal)

evreyday, everywhere, anytime, at the studio, in his office, in the lobby, reception, conference room, restroom, elevator, stairwell, cafeteria, kitchen, mailroom, storage room, break room, janitor's closet, mechanical room, server room, boardroom, office, cubicle, waiting area, lounge, pantry, library, gym, in costco, training room, utility room, copy room, it room, security office, loading dock, garage, rooftop, terrace, basement, locker room, in ikea, printing room, call center, lab, observation deck, till your screaming and crying

m = motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

he loves when you wear skimpy clothes for him and matching lingerie especially with the vees logo, also i think watching you be ruthless to others would get him raging hard. val would also love when you whisper what you want him to do to you in public, it’d get him hard rlly quickly. he’ll probably like it more when you tell him in private tho, he’ll make you strip and give him a private “show”

n = no (something they wouldn't do, turn offs)

nothing

o = oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

val likes to receive orals more, but he’d give them too. he has a crazy long tounge and he uses it to make you moan and squeak as he holds down your thighs and watches you tremble

p = pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

he can do either, val is very versatile though he prefers fast and rough in general.

q = quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

val doesn’t really care where you have sex as long as he gets off he’s good but for how often it's probably not as much as you'd think, val would rather pound into you long and hard. if he were to do quickies you’re always the one sucking him off.

r = risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

val lives risks, experiments, anything really

s = stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

it doesn't matter cause he'll definitely outlast you, he could go forever if you're bratty - just to teach you a lesson

t = toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

val uses toys a lot on you or on him,and he certainly owns a ton, vibrators, dildos, whips, anal beads, gags, anal plugs. he definitely loves the clear ones the most

u = unfair (how much they like to tease)

he loves to watch you struggle and he loves to feel power over you, so of course he's going to be unfair, he'll leaved you straped to a vibrator for hours to sit in the corner and watch you struggle

v = volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

hes not that loud but he groans a lot, and hes crazy with the dirty talk and the teasing

w= wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

val likes to chase someone, he likes to brat tame and absolutely break your spirit. he’ll degrade you when you cum and everything, he wants to watch you sob

x = x-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes)

val has a 9 inch cock not as thick but definitely girthy, the length is the same color as his body but the tip is a light pink color and he has a few piercings along it

y = yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

very high. he’d legit have sex anywhere i keep saying this but its val, hes bound to want to have sex as much as possible

z = zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

val might smoke a bit, then leave, you're usually the one to pass out first, and me the writer is gonna pass out from writing all that in an hour and a half

[adilynnyuri]

I hope this isnt trauma dumping or sm but i just needed to get this out and also get some advice and i think i really like ur advice. So i have been jn a relationship w my bf for 2 years now and i love him with my heart and soul and we plan to get married ( ee are still young but we see that as the futuregoal) so up tntil a few months back i used to just go to random s*x chat groups and something and would share my nudes nd just stuff like that and would also watch p*rn .. these are both things that me and my bf would a 100% consider cheating and if he did this to me i would kill myself out of sorrow. I absolutely hate myself and am disgusted at myself i was distracted for a little while with my exams but now they are over and now im crying all the time again just thinking about what i did to the boy i love the most. At the time i didnt think much of it and at first i would just talk w people but slowly i started sharing nudes and i did this a couple of times until i realized a few months back how wrong it is. I have no idea how i didnt realise how wrong this is?Up until this i was a really good person i dont think ive ever hurt anybody and i am very nice also but now idk i just hate myself and everything about me .Every day whenever i think aboyt this i cant help but cry and think there really isnt anything else i can do. Of course i have changed and wouldnt think of doing such a thing again but still the fact that i did it in the first place makes me want to die.

Ik its so selfish but i cant keeo thinking that he will do sm like this to me also and that ill get my karma. Does karma really even exist and how do i get myself to atop thinking this now i always suspect him of cheating and talking to other girls. Hes done sm similar to cheating to me but nothing on this level. What he did is nothing ckmpared to what i did.

And in the context of manifesting, should i manifest that none of this ever happened and for me to be a really nice person or shoukd i manifest that this completely gets erased from my memory or what?? This also messes up my manifestion so much i cant helo hut tell myself that i dont deserve good things as im a bad person . Please help. If youre not comfortable answering this then im sorry for wasting ur time

Hii love!

BABE CALM DOWN! I UNDERSTAND YOU!!

I totally understand you and your situation but I am here to help you and to remind you THAT YOU DIDN'T AND WILL NEVER DO ANY MISTAKES!

First of all, WHATEVER HAPPENS REMEMBER!

Don't EVER LOSE HOPE!! YOU ARE THE ONE WHO'S CREATING BOTH GOOD/BAD SITUATIONS THAT'S HAPPENING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES!!

You are the MAIN CHARACTER! YOU NEVER FACE ANY PROBLEMS!!

And imo Idgaf to karma. I don't even consider it's real. BUT I WILL USE IT TO MY ADVANTAGE BY AFFIRMING THAT WHOEVER TRIES TO HARM ME IN ANY WAYS THEY WILL COMPLETELY FACE THE WORST.

I understand that you feel guilty about your activities! But! NEVER LET IT TAKE CONTROL OVER YOU! AND DON'T THINK YOU ARE BAD PERSON OR SOMETHING!!

You are limitless and you can do anything!

Until you don't hurt anyone in the name of manifestation, YOU ARE NEVER A BAD PERSON OR DOING ANY BAD!

⭐I will give you an example from my life!

My success in revising an embarrassing situation!

Once I did something very embarrassing like so embarrassing I just wanted to k!ll myself💀 but then I thought why should I do that to myself? I was born in this world to be happy and cherished 24/7! so I just affirmed robotically that NOTHING BAD HAPPENED AND I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THAT AND MY DP WHO WITNESSED THAT FORGETS IT TOO! (It was very tough for me too! The shit which I did kept popping up in my mind, BUT I DIDN'T GIVE MUCH ATTENTION TO THAT AND KEPT AFFIRMING!)

Well it just took me 1 day! One full day of robotic affirmations! LITERALLY THE VERY NEXT DAY EVEN I FORGOT AND MY DP TOTALLY FORGOT!! I WAS SO SO HAPPY!

Suggestion for you! 💕

I know it's so tough for you to affirm totally against of what happened, but trust me! JUST AFFIRM! YOU ARE SO POWERFUL LOVE! JUST REVISE SAYING,

"I never did anything bad and I am never guilty"

I AM BEING 1000000% SURE WHATEVER YOU WANT WILL HAPPEN. WHATEVER YOU WANTED TO CHANGE, WILL CHANGE! MORE LIKE, IT HAS ALREADY CHANGED !!

With lots of love,

ADILYNN YURI🤍🌷

[yandere-writer-momo]

Yandere Baki Short Stories:

The Dragon’s Bride

(full piece)

Yandere dragon Hanayama Kaoru x Princess reader x Orc Jack Hanma

Took me a long time to do this, but it’s here. I felt so bad not allowing Jack to get a proper ending and there will be no part 2. Enjoy the 400 follower special!!!

5.6 k words

A young girl shyly hid behind her mother’s dress as her big (eye color) eyes gazed at the young boy being introduced to her. She was mesmerized by the small black horns on his head that were still coming in and his small black wings. She couldn’t believe she was meeting a dragon face to face…

His mother pushed him forward as (your name)’s mother pushed the shy girl in front of him. The two children staring at each other in curiosity.

“(Your name)? This is Hanayama Kaoru. He’s going to be your protector until you’re twenty.” Queen (Mom’s name) smiled down at her shy little princess.

“H-hello.” (Your name) softly told the boy with a blush on her cheeks.

“Hello.” Kaoru replied without his face showing much expression. It seems he was the quiet type.

The two mothers smiled at each other fondly. They were happy that the tradition between the Hanayama and the (last name) family would continue for a second generation. The friendship between the two royal families was powerful, dating back for centuries with Kaoru’s mother’s side. But this was the first time a male dragon would be guarding a princess in the tower. Usually his mother would have done it, but lately her health hasn’t been well so she passed the torch to Kaoru.

Kaoru’s mother had utmost faith that Kaoru would make sure nothing happened to (your name). Dragons are extremely possessive over beautiful things after all.

.

.

.

Over the years together in the tower, Kaoru got tired of (your name)’s antics. She always greeted him with a bright smile whenever he came back from a dispute with other creatures or even just a short flight outside. How she always dresses his wounds and made him meals. Kaoru hired servants to make sure she was properly taken care of because he tried to stay as long as he could away from the tower. Lately he’s been leaving her for about a month in the tower.

Kaoru had no romantic interest in a weak human girl. He always coldly rejected her advances and yet she still persisted. She was like an annoying little fly he wasn’t allowed to squash.

And today, he reached a breaking point. Now he was thrilled that she no longer tried to hug to touch him, but she still always greeted him whenever he returned.

“Kaoru!” (Your name) happily greeted him when he flew down and landed on his perch. “I was worried about you when you didn’t come back for a month but I’m glad to know you’re okay-“

“I’m fine.” Kaoru hissed as he flashed his teeth at (your name) who frowned. She held her hands close to her chest as Kaoru continued, “Just leave me alone. I don’t want to see you anymore.”

“Im sorry…” She replied softly as she held her arms. “I just-“

“We are not friends. We are not anything.” Kaoru growled as smoke came out of his nose. “Just because our mothers were does not mean the same for us. They’re both gone now so we don’t have to carry on that stupid tradition. You don’t have to make meals for me, that is for the servants. And you don’t have to hum your stupid little tunes, I sleep just fine on my own. You’re nothing more than a weak little human and I have no interest in any sort of relationship with you.”

Kaoru then turned on his heel and stormed off, leaving a teary eyed (your name) behind. The young woman sighing softly.

“Okay… okay.” She then went back into her room and shut herself in there. The young woman taking her diary and putting it into the burn pile along with all the letters she tried send Kaoru when he went into small battles for more treasure. “I’ll give you what you want.”

(Your name) then decided from that day forward, she wouldn’t bother him again.

.

.

.

Sure enough, Kaoru didn’t see much of (your name) anymore. There were no more greetings or smiles towards him, no more meals made, and no more letters sent. Just silence. It made the tower feel… empty. It’s been weeks of silence.

Kaoru roamed the tower’s halls to check on (your name). Her coming of age was approaching in a year and she would be leaving the tower soon… which meant she’d be getting married off to someone.

Kaoru peaked into her room and saw her standing on her balcony gazing down below. She didn’t turn her head to greet him when he knocked on the door, her eyes transfixed on the forest below. She was ignoring him again.

“I’m going on another trip.” Kaoru told her in his gruff voice. His obsidian eyes gazing at her for any sign of acknowledgment but she didn’t react to him. “It could take awhile.”

(Your name) made no movement towards him and didn’t speak, causing Kaoru to huff. How long was she planning on this silent game? She could at least tell him to be safe- no. Why would he care if she wants him to be safe.

Kaoru stormed off to exit the tower. His body shifting into that of a giant black dragon’s. He was a massive dragon with obsidian scales and long black and red horns that curved back on the top of his head. His obsidian eyes now a bright ruby red.

Kaoru flew up into the sky but not before glancing at (your name) who was still standing on the balcony. Her face looked so… sullen.

Kaoru shook his head. Why did he care if she looked gloomy? It’s not like he cared about her or anything… right?

Kaoru flew off in his pursuit of treasure, leaving (your name) behind once again. Unaware of the danger she would be in…

.

.

.

(Your name) left the tower to sit by the river she always watches from her balcony. The servants didn’t really talk to her and neither did Kaoru so she was usually alone…

(Your name) began to pick some swan river daisies by the water and slowly turn them into bracelets and flower crowns. A smile on her face for the first time in weeks. She only had one more year… one more year in the tower and then she’d be married off to a prince… she hoped maybe then she’d have someone to love.

(Your name) was completely immersed in her flowers that she didn’t notice the honey colored eyes observing her from the bushes. He was enamored with this human woman. She always looked so sad standing on her balcony… this was the first time he’s seen her out of that tower and so defenseless… he was going to take advantage of this opportunity.

A large creature slowly approaching her as she worked on her flower crowns. A large shadow now lingering over her.

(Your name) glanced up and was surprised to see an orc standing before her. His large, muscular body only covered with a green loin cloth, a pair of ill fitted shorts, and some leather gauntlets. He was definitely an orc warrior… but what was he doing here?

“Hello?” (Your name) softly greeted the orc, hoping not to upset him. The orc didn’t seem hostile despite the numerous scars that covered his body.

“Hello.” The orc greeted her back as he slowly went to sit a few feet from her. His honey colored eyes watching her closely. “My name is Jack. Jack Hanma.”

“My name is (your name)…” (your name) softly introduced herself to Jack. Her eyes sparkling under the sunlight as she smiled brightly at Jack. This was the first time she has spoken to another man other than Kaoru… and also the first time someone introduced themselves first to her… she was excited of this potential friendship.

“I always see you in that tower but I’ve never had the chance to talk to you…” Jack muttered as he looked away in embarrassment. “Are you a prisoner?”

(Your name) blinks at him before laughing a bit. “No. I’m not a prisoner. I’m a princess.”

Jack blinker before frowning. “But why are you in a tower?”

(Your name) thought for a minute before answering. “It’s a family tradition for my family to be locked away in a tower until we come of age. It’s a weird way to protect me until I am married off.”

Jack hummed in thought. He guess it made sense to want to protect a princess’s purity but at the same time, she looked so miserable. He couldn’t imagine being locked in a tower with no company… he never sees her talking to anyone in the months he’s been watching her. She always looked so sad and alone… just like him.

Jack had been alone for most of his life. Everyday he had to fight to survive and to become stronger so he could defeat his father… but a part of him craved love. He longed for the way he’s seen other creatures hold each other.

It was pure luck he spotted (your name) and saw he trying to speak to that scarred dragon for years. It gave him hope. Hope that she could love someone like him.

“(Your name)? I don’t live far from this river so you can come see me anytime.” Jack tells her with a hopeful tone in his voice. Jack nearly jumped up in the air when she placed a hand on his arm.

“Thank you… it’s been a long time since I’ve spoken to someone.” (Your name) smiled at Jack who blushed in response. She was so pretty… how could someone be so pretty?

“You can speak to me anytime.” Jack whispered. He’s had his eyes on her for months and he was so happy she wasn’t afraid of him…

(Your name) smiled at him. “I’d love to.”

.

.

.

Kaoru glanced expectantly at his window each day. Wondering when the bird was going to bring him a letter from (your name). She always sent letters whenever he was gone… always.

But over the last week, he had yet to receive one… why wasn’t she sending him letter? Was she okay?

Kaoru paced in his castle in thought. This was the longest they’ve went without an interaction in the decade they’ve known each other and he was going mad.

When the bird landed on his window, he practically leapt at it and snatched the message off the leg. His heart clenching when he realized it was just a message from her family informing him that (your name)’s coming of age party was coming up.

Kaoru threw the letter to the ground as he sat in his chair. He leaned his head back as he sighed.

He had successfully gathered all the jewels and treasure he wanted on this trip and yet he still felt so empty… why did he feel so empty…

Kaoru sighed as he rubbed his forehead. What on earth was going on with him? Why did he miss (your name) so much?

.

.

.

Over the next few weeks, (your name) began to see Jack as much as she could. The two sharing meals she made together and stories. Sometimes (your name) would sit beside Jack and read with him.

For the first time since she’s been in the tower, she has a friend. A real friend.

(Your name) smiled at Jack as she made him a flower crown. The orc happily accepting the crown as he sat beside her by the river.

“There. Now you’re a prince.” (Your name) smiles at Jack who laughs with her.

“I’m a ferocious warrior prince.” Jack snickers. “My brethren would have a cow if they saw me like this.”

(Your name) leans her head on Jack’s arm as they sit by the water together. They became so close over these last few weeks, if feels like they’ve known each other for a lifetime.

“I think you’re neat.” (Your name) tells Jack. “I admire you a lot, Jack.”

Jack blushes as he turns away. He hates how soft he is for her but at the same time, he loves it. He loves her.

Jack just hates how out of place his reflection looks next to her. He’s an orc and she’s a princess… they’re from two very different worlds.

Jack glanced at (your name) who was smiling as she made more flower bracelets. He wanted her… he wanted her almost as bad as he wanted to defeat his father. And damn it, he’d do anything for her… anything.

“Jack? I made us some sandwiches to enjoy.” (Your name) reached into her bag and pulled out some little sandwiches she made.

Jack smiled, his tusks almost digging into his cheeks from how wide it was.

“You spoil me, sweet cheeks.” Jack felt like he needed to gift her something… maybe she’d like a new fur to keep warm with before the cold months hit…

.

.

.

Kaoru threw a chair across the room when he received a letter back from the servants in the tower. (Your name) had befriended another man… the servants wrote that they share meals together and they’re always laughing.

Kaoru couldn’t stand it. Why was she doing that… she must want to upset him. She wants him to be jealous… that’s what it had to be. She would never move on. They’ve been together for a decade.

Kaoru glanced at the neatly wrapped gift he had gotten for her. He was sure she’d love it… she used to always talk about wanting this…

Kaoru decided to head back home with his plunders. It was time to go back to (your name) and this time, he’s give her all the attention she wanted.

.

.

.

(Your name) lightly sung as she worked on another meal for her and Jack to enjoy by the river. A bright smile on her face as she imagined his gracious expression. Jack was always so happy whenever she came by to visit him. He was such wonderful company.

The door creaked open but (your name) paid it no mind. She figured it was just a servant.

At least not until the large form of Kaoru stood beside her.

“I’m back…” Kaoru muttered as he stood beside her, his obsidian eyes gazing at her expectantly. As if he was waiting for something.

(Your name) set the bowl down as she turned to look at him, the smile on her face gone. She didn’t understand what he wanted from her.

“Okay.” She replied before getting back to work, but Kaoru put his hand on the bowl.

“You… you didn’t send me any letters…” Kaoru whispered as he held the bowl down on the counter. “I… I was safe.”

(Your name) frowned at Kaoru’s behavior. The princess moving away from him. She didn’t understand why he was talking to her.

“Okay.” (Your name) replied again. She didn’t know what to say to him.

“I brought you something.” Kaoru told her as he went over to the door and grabbed a present. The dragon presenting her the gift with a soft expression.

(Your name)’s brow furrowed in confusion. Why would he bring her something? He’s never brought her anything before…

(Your name) slowly opened the gift before he eyes widened at the contents. This was… this was a gown she had wanted a few years ago… why would he give his to her?

“Do you like it?” Kaoru asked, his eyes hopeful as he trembled. It was as if his eyes were telling her, ‘look at me. Look at what I did. Look at me.’

“You didn’t have to get me this…” (your name) whispered as she covered the gift back up with the lid. She remembered how Kaoru had told her that she wouldn’t ever be able to wear something like that because it wasn’t like he was ever going to take her dancing. He convinced her it was a stupid want and now she didn’t have a desire to dance. “It’s impractical. I’m never going to go dancing until my coming of age.”

Kaoru felt his breath hitch at her words. How could he forget how he told her that she’d never be able to wear this dress… god he was awful.

“Well you can wear it.” Kaoru told her. “I… I could teach you how to dance-“ (Your name) shook her head and handed Kaoru back the gift.

“No. You have no desire for any kind of relationship with me, remember?” (Your name) sighed as she decided to abandon her cooking to get away from Kaoru.

Kaoru lunged forward and grabbed her shoulders, causing (your name) to gasp.

“I didn’t mean it…” Kaoru whispered as he held her in place. “Please… I didn’t mean it.”

Kaoru pulled (your name) into a hug as he buried his nose into her shoulder. The dragon sighing at her scent.

(Your name) pushed him back as she stepped away from him.

“I’m sorry. The damage is done… I don’t think I want to be near you. I’m sorry.” (Your name) then walks to her room. Kaoru standing there shocked.

She wasn’t supposed to reject him… she always loved him. Always. Why didn’t she love him anymore?

Kaoru made his way up the stairs to her room but he paused when he saw a notebook in the burn pile. His curiosity getting the better of him.

Kaoru’s clawed hand flips through the pages before his obsidian eyes widen in realization. This was her diary…

Kaoru took off to his room to go through the pages. His heart beating erratically in his chest when his eyes glimpses at how often his name was in here. He couldn’t wait to find out all the contents in this book…

Meanwhile, (your name) snuck out of the tower to go see Jack. The orc waiting for her by the river. The orc trying to hide something behind his back with a blush.

“Oh! You’re here!” Jack didn’t want to admit to her that he was counting the seconds. It wasn’t like him to be so impatient to see someone, let alone a girl. “I got you something.”

Jack presented (your name) the fur coat of a white tiger. He had been extremely careful not to completely destroy the animal, but he was able to keep most of it intact after his attack. He kept the meat for himself, but he carefully carved the pelt for (your name). It would be a perfect gift for her before it became cold… the pelt should keep her warm.

(Your name)’s eyes sparkled at the beautiful pelt. Her hands touching the soft fur in awe. It was beautiful…

“It’s so beautiful, Jack…” (your name) thanked Jack as she held the pelt in her arms. “I can’t believe you got this for me…”

Jack gave (your name) a toothy grin. He was proud she loved his gift. She deserved beautiful things.

(Your name) blushed as she held the pelt up to her body. The fur was warm and it smelled like Jack… his scent of musky and pine was so comforting to her.

Her relationship with Jack was starting to make her realize what love and care truly was. Perhaps she simply had a crush on Kaoru because those feelings were nowhere near the magnitude of what she felt for Jack. But she still had the wound of rejection, she was afraid to tell Jack how she felt…

Jack took in a deep breath as he observed her soft expression. He loved her… he loved her so much, it was scary.

“(Your name)?” The princess looked up, brown eyes meeting (eye color). Jack gulping down the lump in his throat before continuing. “I’m… I’m only half orc.”

(Your name) blinked as she glanced at Jack’s skin color. She had wondered why he had more of a human skin tone rather than the bright green she’s heard of orcs having, but she didn’t question it. Either way she didn’t care about something as minuscule as Jack’s race.

“That’s okay, Jack-“ Jack leaned his head on (your name)’s shoulder as he sighed.

“I was not born out of love… I was born out of conquest.” Jack softly told her as he wrapped his large arms around her. “I struggled to fit in with humans and orcs for years… I was a horrible monster for so long but I was so lonely…”

(Your name) frowned as Jack shared about himself, she patiently waited for him to continue sharing what he was comfortable with.

“I came to this forest to slay a dragon. To prove I was capable of defeating my father and taking over he orc hoard… but then I saw you.” Jack grabbed her shoulders and turned her upper body to face him. His honey colored eyes full of emotion. “I’m not trying to sound strange but… I’ve been watching you for a long time… how you were treated, rejected, and constant cast aside. I sympathized with you. I went through that as well all my life…”

“Jack…” (your name) held his cheeks in her hands as she smiled up at him. The orc leaning his scarred cheek into her right hand as he sighed dreamily. His eyes gazing into her with so much love, she thought she’d melt.

“I wanted you for months. I didn’t waste the opportunity to finally talk to you… I was so happy you talked to me and we’ve been seeing each other over these last few weeks.” Jack whispered, unsure if he should continue but with a nod from (your name), he felt more confident in proclaiming his feelings for her. “(Your name)? I’m in love with you.”

(Your name) felt her breath hitch when Jack pressed his chapped lips on her right wrist to give it a tender kiss. Her cheeks now a bright red as he stared longingly at her.

“I love you too…” (Your name) smiled up at Jack. It was the truth. In the two months she’s known Jack, he had shown her the love she had always desired. The kind she read about in story books… Jack was perfect. He may not be the picture description of the typical Prince Charming but he was charming in his own way.

Jack snakes his arms around her as he held her close. His forehead pressed against hers as he smiled brightly, his ivory tusks glistening in the sunlight.

“I’m so happy…” He had always lived a life of violence and anger… yet here he was finally embracing someone who cared about him. He no longer lived in the days of war and inflicting fear. He could finally be happy…

Jack pressed his chapped lips to the top of (your name)’s head. The two cuddling as (your name) smiled warmly at him.

And so began their secret relationship. (Your name) deciding she was going to run away with Jack instead of marrying a prince like she was supposed to.

It was just a shame Kaoru wasn’t going to let her go…

.

.

.

Later that night, Kaoru sat in his study flipping through (your name)’s diary. He has been reading through it all day…

Kaoru ran his clawed fingers through each page with love sick eyes. He had no idea how fond the princess was of him… how much she admired and cared about him. How could he be so blind?

(Your name) was the perfect little mate. Kaoru was sure he could find a witch or a wizard to be able to turn her into a dragon so she could be with him… just like she always wanted!

Kaoru made his way to his board of treasure. The dragon scooping through it excitedly as he began to pick out beautiful gifts to court her with. Some golden necklaces catching his eye.

Kaoru then made his way up to (your name)‘a tower with the necklaces in hand. His hand knocking at her door as he held the necklaces close to his chest.

“Who is it?” Kaoru smiled when he heard her soft voice from the other side of the door.

“It’s me…” Kaoru whispered back, the door slowly opening to reveal (your name) in her nightdress. The princess using a blanket to cover herself from his eyes.

“Oh. I wasn’t be loud or anything was I?” Kaoru frowns when she doesn’t look at him at all. Why wouldn’t she look at him? She loves him… so her eyes should always be on him.

“No… I have something for you.” Kaoru then held up the gold necklaces too (your name). The princess raising a brow at him. “I think you’d look lovely in gold…”

(Your name) tilted her head at Kaoru’s strange behavior. He never brought her gifts before… ever. So why was he trying to gift her things now?

“Oh… but where would I wear something that nice? I’m stuck in this tower for six more months…” Kaoru frowned at her subtle rejection before ultimately deciding to persist.

“You can wear them while here…” (Your name) stepped back when Kaoru pushed forward and entered the room. “Here, let me put them on for you.”

(Your name) sighed before sitting on her bed and using the blanket to cover up her body, except for her neck. Kaoru swinging the necklaces over her neck before clasping each one.

(Your name) shivered when his claws lightly brushed against the soft skin of her neck.

“You smell nice and your skin is so soft…” Kaoru whispered huskily in her ear as he turned her body to face the full body mirror in front of her bed. “And you look so beautiful in gold.”

(Your name)’s (eye color) eyes were wide at the sight before her. Kaoru’s large body sat behind her as he ran his claws through her hair. His nose pressed into the locks as he gave a few strands some kisses.

“Thank you.” (Your name) thanks him softly before gently pulling her hair away from him. She felt extremely uncomfortable. She was confused on why he was giving her so much attention suddenly.

Kaoru suddenly leaned forward and wrapped his large arms around her. Kaoru pulling her body to lean back on his as he purrs. (Your name) had no idea dragons could purr… it was a strange discovery.

“Why are you being so distant? Aren’t you happy?” Kaoru asks as he leans his head into the crook of her neck, his brow furrowing at the strange scent that was mixed with hers. Kaoru snapped his head away from her shoulder as his obsidian eyes flashed a bright ruby red for a second. This was a masculine scent… a monster scent. “Who were you with? Who?”

“Oh, I made a friend by the river…” (Your name) gulped when Kaoru’s eyes were now a bright red with thing black slits… the look on his face was terrifying… her body trembled as she tried to speak to him again. “His name is Jack-“

One of Kaoru’s hands swiped at one of the wooden bed posts on her bed. (Your name) screamed when the wood flew off and crashed into the wall from the force behind his swing. She covered his head as she trembled like a leaf. She could smell smoke…

(Your name) nervously glanced up at Kaoru who had smoke leaving his nose and his lips. He looked so angry… why was he angry?

Kaoru took in a deep breath before calming down. Kaoru pulled her close to his chest as he pressed a kiss to her head. “I’m sorry, dear. I didn’t mean to frighten you. I just got a little angry is all.”

(Your name) was as still as a stone as Kaoru caressed her. The dragon muttering her reassurances.

“I’ll get you a new bed frame and new bed posts… how about one of those canopy beds with the sheer curtains? Won’t that be lovely?” Kaoru offered her as he nuzzled her neck, making sure to rub his scent all over her.

(Your name) just trembled as she held the blankets close to herself. She didn’t know what was going on with Kaoru but she was afraid… she was so afraid…

.

.

.

(Your name) went down the tower to go out to see Jack, only to realize the door was melted… Someone welded the metal door completely shut… she couldn’t go out now.

(Your name) felt tears gather in her eyes as she tried the door. Only to sigh in frustration. The only ones who could get in and out of the tower now were the servants but that was because they were also dragons…

How was she going to see Jack now? How was she to let him know she was now truly trapped in his tower…

(Your name) went to go back up her tower and she ran into Kaoru. The dragon smiling softly at her as he held up some silk sheets in his hands.

“I got you that new bed. I’m going to get rid of all your blankets.” Kaoru then leaned forward and whispered in her ear. “Especially that fur. To smells disgusting-“

“Please don’t take the fur.” (Your name) grabbed Kaoru’s shirt. “Please not that… just let me keep that… please.”

Kaoru froze before sighing. It seems she grew some sort of attachment to that orc outside… nonetheless he must get rid of it.

Before Kaoru could speak, he felt (your name) hug him. His breath hitching at the gesture, his arms snaking around her waist to pull her closer to his body.

“I’ll do anything… please don’t.”

“Anything?” Kaoru felt dazed. Anything… she’d do anything for that sad little fur… “Then let me lay beside you tonight. I want to sleep in your bed with you.”

“…okay.” (Your name) whispered. Kaoru was so happy… he was so happy his little mate accepted him again. He’d never mistreat her again…

Now all he had to do was ask for her hand in marriage from her parents…

.

.

.

Kaoru was gone the rest of the day. He had flown off somewhere so (your name) used this time to try to figure out how to contact Jack.

The servants all left for the day but even then… Jack was too far away to hear her scream.

(Your name) felt a sob rack through her body. She felt hopeless… just like a damsel in distress…

“(Your name)?” (Your name) perked up at her name and ran to her balcony to see Jack. She waved her arms at him.

“Jack! Jack I’m here!” (Your name) felt tears fall down her face as she smiled. “Kaoru welded the door shut! I can’t get out!”

Jack furrowed his brows before walking around the tower. There wasn’t a way in besides that door and the windows that were high up… Jack was going to have to climb…

“I’ll figure a way to get you out! I promise.” Jack shouted up at her as he glanced up at the sky. “I think he’s coming back so I’ll have to plan a way to get you out safely! I’ll save you, I swear!”

Jack then dashed back into the forest before Kaoru saw him.

The large black dragon transforming back into Kaoru as he landed on her balcony. A smile on his face when he saw (Your name).

“Were you waiting for me? I made sure not to be gone for too long.” Kaoru wrapped his arms around (your name) as he sighed in contentment. His sweet little mate was waiting for him… he couldn’t wait to tell her the news…

(Your name) held him back a bit just to satiate him. She didn’t want to upset him in anyway…

Kaoru lead her into her room as he presented her some more gifts. This time she accepted them without hesitation. She didn’t want him to destroy her new bed…

“I paid your family a visit.” Kaoru whispered with a smile. “They’re not going to get you back now like they were supposed to.”

(Your name) freezes. This wasn’t the agreement… she was supposed to leave this tower in a few months and then runaway with Jack… why would the terms change?

“I burned down over half of that kingdom but they’re going to let me keep you.” Kaoru smiled as he placed his head into her shoulder and inhaled her scent. “You’re going to be my wife. Aren’t you happy?”

(Your name) felt her blood run cold. Kaoru wasn’t supposed to fall in love with her… he never cared about her before…

Kaoru played with her hair with a smile. (Your name)’s eyes wide in shock.

“We’ll love the rest of our days together. You’ll be my lifelong mate.” Kaoru explained softly. “I’m having Kizaki work on finding a witch or wizard who would be able to turn you into a dragon, just like you’ve always wanted.”

How did he know that she used to want to be a dragon to be with him? Unless… no…

“Kaoru… did you read my diary?” (Your name) whispered as Kaoru smiled at her.

“I did. You wrote about how much you care for me… how much you love me.” Kaoru took her hands in his. “How could I not be moved by your declarations and efforts? I swear I’ll never mistreat you again. From now on I’ll be the perfect mate. The perfect husband and provider.”

Kaoru pressed his forehead to hers. “I realized how important you were to me once you stopped your affection. You are my most valuable treasure, dear. I’ll treat you well, I swear.”

This had to be some sort of sick joke… Kaoru never wanted her before. Yet even she knew Kaoru doesn’t joke. He’s a very serious man.

Kaoru was obsessed with her and he was never going to let her go…

Dragons were extremely possessive of their treasure, after all.

[oceanwithouthermoon]

Talking about Saiki and SA here a bit, btw, just a warning~

Thinking about how you said Saiki was a victim of SA and you’re literally so right. I feel like people sometimes just blow right past the fact that Kusuke is like that with his brother, but I think it can add a lot to interpretations of his character. But even if it only goes as far as what is shown in canon — which I almost doubt — it still remains the fact that Kusuke is doing all of that knowing fully well that his brother can hear him. It’s literally sexual harassment.

People point it out more often with Teruhashi and her brother (back to the reasons you said, people think it’s more serious if it happens to women). But the things he does, that’s all sexual harassment. And yet when Kusuke does similar things, it’s often brushed aside. Just,,, a bit crazy to me.

(And that’s not even mentioning when people completely disregard this part of Teruhashi’s story and act like she’s one-dimensional,,, but that’s another story)

But all this to say you’re literally so right. Anyways love you mwah =^•w•^=

THANK YOU SO MUCH. I NEEDD PEOPLE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THIS MORE.

(heed the sa warning + abuse and incest warning before opening, i talk a LOT here.. im mostly just reiterating what happens directly in the manga though.. ALSO EXTREMELY LONG POST WARNING..)

I always viewed kokomi and makoto + kusuo and kusuke as like.. paralleling each other ? not sure if thats the right word, but IMMEDIATELY when i saw both of these dynamics i made the connection.. i guess since it was so clear to me, i assumed that it was so obvious and on purpose that everyone else knew too, but so many people just.. ignore it..

i think most people that read/watch saiki k have recognized the fact that most main characters are meant to parallel or relate to saiki in at least some way, (if anyone who doesnt know what im talking about is reading this, im sure at least someone on here has done a better breakdown on that, i just.. dont know where to find that..) but this particular connection is one i dont see often and i genuinely believe that its almost entirely because of the whole "sexual assault/harassment isnt as serious when it happens to men as when it happens to women" thing.. most of the fandom acknowledge that what makoto does is awful and kokomi is a victim, so why is it different when its kusuke and kusuo ??

its EXACTLY the same.. what we see on screen with the saikis is WORSE, actually.. and what WE see from these two relationships isnt the full extent of what the two victims experience off screen, and i strongly believe that its heavily implied that both kokomi and kusuo have been through much worse with their brothers than whats shown..

we have no idea what kusuke couldve done BEFORE moving away and creating the telepathy canceler (and dont say that he couldnt have done anything cuz they were kids, cocsa [child on child sa] is still a thing and still valid, ESPECIALLY since they were both kid geniuses and kusuke definitely KNEW better.. but yea, kusuo implies that hes been like that for a long time, way before we ever saw them, sooo..) and its highly likely that whatever happened that we didnt see, before or after the move, was WORSE than what he does ON screen (i honestly dont want to think about what a guy with an incestual obsession with his brother does with cameras everywhere in his brothers home..) and what we see him do is already insane..

literally using his brother to get off, manipulating him and forcing him to play the games that give him sexual pleasure.. actually, speaking of, ive seen some people say that what kusuke does isnt really incest because the only reason he uses kusuo is because hes a masochist and kusuo is the only person that can overpower him.. this is a total misfire LOL, his upbringing alongside kusuo and his relationship with him is the REASON that hes a masochist, the ENTIRE REASON why thats what he gets off to.. its not just CONVENIENT that kusuo is there to get him off, he SPECIFICALLY seeks kusuo out and forces him to do things that give him sexual pleasure.. he believes that kusuo is the only person in the world that can ever give him sexual pleasure, what about that doesnt sound incestuous?

and one of the worst parts of it is, kusuo BARELY acknowledges how weird it is.. in fact, he's COMPLACENT in a lot of the games, obedient even, being bribed into them the same way he does with simple things like bringing kuniharu to work.. this is the biggest reason why i believe the off-screen stuff is probably worse, because kusuo is obviously conditioned to think that letting your brother get off to you is just.. fine.. we hardly see him try to get away from this situation beyond simply calling him gross.. theres one moment during the cat tank situation where kusuke tries to get him to grab the limiter off of his crotch specifically so that he can see him in that position and kusuo looks terrified and cant do it, BUT its unclear whether the expression of fear was entirely his concentration because he didnt wanna break the limiter or because he didnt want to let his brother get off to that, and i think its mostly the former ? idk, i dont remember this part that well but im preeeetty sure..

he does acknowledge that MAKOTOS behavior is bad when he sees it, but he never thinks its a big enough deal that he needs to help her or anything, (except for maybe the okinawa situation) which i know is probably just for the sake of not letting the gag manga get too serious, BUT it can also be explained pretty easily by this whole thing.. the way kokomi is treated is literally the same way kusuo lives his life, even down to their incestuous brother being possessive to the point of berating their potential love interests.. (which in this case happened to be each other, kusuo and kokomi..)

so yeah, kusuo just. doesnt really know how bad it actually is ? or maybe he does, but doesnt acknowledge it because he doesnt WANT to.. him barely acknowledging it and being complacent is part of why some people dont really get that its sa and incest, but his complacency obviously plays a big part in how its effected him too, like thats purposeful.. like i said, hes been CONDITIONED not to acknowledge it..

to me, it looks like a classic situation in which kusuo doesn't acknowledge his trauma because he knows that if he did, it would change his outlook on his life, his family, and his childhood FOREVER. he would never be willing to tell anyone or ask for help on his own accord, and accepting that there was anything wrong in the first place means, to him, dealing with that issue by himself for the rest of his life.

why would he ever admit that anything was wrong if nothing would change either way? the only thing that WOULD change is HIM, and why would he want that? isnt it better to be blissfully unaware than to knowingly suffer in silence?

plus, he genuinely does love his brother and knows in the back of his mind that kusukes feelings toward him comes from their unhealthy upbringing and relationship and its more complex than just "hes an evil guy blah blah.." because he isnt really evil and kusuo KNOWS that.. actually, he might be the only person in the world who COULD understand..

so yeahhhh.. kokomi and kusuo are both CANONICALLY victims of sexual harassment.. (and incestual abuse at that..) and, by my interpretation, implied victims of sa as well !! (im not really sure where the line can be when it comes to this sometimes, like when your brother sniffs your bedsheets and rubs himself on them or gets off to you right in front of your face or tries to get you to grab something positioned over his crotch so he can see you in.. THAT position.. but i already said that its pretty likely that both brothers have gone farther than that off-screen..)

anywayyyy.. this is so important to me and i wish people would talk and write about it more instead of pretending it never happened and mischaracterizing every one of these characters, especially for the sake of a ship like i was talking about in my other post.. it sucks that people so often just cast kusuos canon issues aside..

[whole-circus]

hello! could i ask for nswf alphabet for ben?? i dont know if you do things like that so feel free to ignore it! thank you in advance and take your time love! ❤️

BEN Drowned NSWF alphabet!

➥ Ofc i will write it!! Here you go! Im so sorry that i kept you waiting so much...!

˚　　✦　　　. ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚. 　　　✦　　˚

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Ben is definitely more on a chill side, he wont do very much but i would say that he still does a nice job. Usually the whole love-making ends up with you taking shower together, and just cuddling in bed with a drink of your choice. It is either this, or you playing in some video game (or you watch Ben do it while laying on him).

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Okay, Ben is totally a chest guy. Doesnt matter if you are male or female, small or big - boobs are boobs and he loves them. And he also loves thighs! Like you could just choke him with them and he would thank you... Loves grabbing them when you guys have sex. I should say something cute and lovey-dovey like he adores your eyes..well, they do lit up in pretty way when you are reaching your climax i guess??

Body part that he loves the most would propably be his hands? They are..just pretty, okay? A bit veiny with slender fingers, the perfect to reach every place on your body!..Plus holding hands during sex!!

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Ben love to either cum inside you or on your belly/ back - depends what position are you in (with your consent ofc). There is something about watching you so messy and dirty just becasue of him!

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Ben is 100% a panty thief, he either steals them from laundry basket or from your drawer. What he do with them? Jerking off obviously..

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

I see Ben as someone not really experienced. High possibility that he isnt a virgin, but he definitely takes all his knowledge from porn. Because of that his knowledge isnt the best and he may act suprised that things doesnt works the way they do in porn. But Ben is eager to learn! So no worries, you bothwill be satisfied!

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Pretty basic, but positions like missionary, doggie style or cowgirl/cowboy keeps him going and he finds it the most comfy.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Humorous! Im not saying sex with him isnt romantic, but im sure you guys both giggle a lot during it! He dont tell you jokes or anything, but he sometimes can say such a dumb thing that you just cant help but laugh. Awkwardness with Ben doesnt exist, he will make it all better and make a fool of himself just so you wont be stressed!

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Carpet does match the drapes, blond yet a bit more dark than his hair (on his head). He is either well groomed, or he has a full blush. Will make it clean if you ask him tho! Ben himself doesnt have preferences when it comes to you.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

There is intimacy, just on this weird way! Like yes, you both giggle a lot but its all from love! He definitely says "i love you" a lot, but isnt the type of guy to scatter the roses and lit candles in the room.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He did jerked off a lot, at least once per day, before he met you. But after he get into relationship with you, he does it way less - its either if you are not around for a long time or you dont want to have sex with him at the moment.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

I think he would be into praise kink, call him good boy and tell him how a good job he did and he is all weak. Also mirror kink and he has a thing for recording your both acts - not like you both will show it to anybody, but there is some kind of arousal in it. Ben also loves creampies! He feels so proud of himself that he made you feel so stuffed, and just watching his cum leaking from you make him feel something.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Mostly his/your room and bed, its the most comfortable for you both and you have the privacy. But! He wouldnt be opposite to do it in aome more risky place.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Oh man, what doesnt turn him on? You could do anything and he still finds you attractive and sexy, no matter how you look at this moment. But mostly you wearing his clothes, teasing him and flirting with him or just light touches on his body (yk, the one that are supposed to be innocent but they arent). Ben also loves to receive nudes from you and not nude photos (in underwear and stuff).

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Hurt you or do something that you dont want to do. Sex should be for the both of you, not only one-sided.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Ben doesnt mind giving, you would be suprised how good at it he is! He is great at using his mouth and his fingers, and no matter if he is deep inside you with his tongue or if you are deep inside him you always feel good.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

More on slow and sensual side, but its becasue of his laziness. When he is extremaly horny tho, he will be faster, but nothing too much.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Quickies are pretty often, usually when you both are in rush but want eachother really badly. And Ben loves them, not as much as proper sex but still. He enjoyes the rush and the adrenaline.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Ben is willing to take a risk, he is kinda unexperienced so he is eager to try anything you want to try.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

One round and he needs to take a break, yet he can last pretty long. But if you havent came, then he will gladly use his hands or mouth to help you.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

I believe Ben would own toys, just basic things like dildo or vibrator and often use it during masturbation. Maybe so a fleshlight?? He will gladly use them on you, and will be happy if you do the same for him during the whole love making.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Ben is a huge tease, both with his words and actions. He definitely will make you all horny for him, and then just leave you be until you wont beg him to touch you. When you are close to cumming, he just straightly pulls out and mock you. And when he is a bottom, such a brat he is, doesnt listem to anything you say!

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Ben is really LOUD. There is literally every possible sound coming from his mouth, whimpering, growling moaning..you name it!

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

You will hate me for that so much but he seems like type of person to have one of dakimakuras with his waifu or something and using it for not tasty purpouse (humping ofc)

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Around 6inches (15cm) and his dick is definitely more on a width side, nothing too abnormal but widther than average. He has couple of veins, dick curved upward and Ben has very sensitive balls..!

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

HUGE. Its easier to tell when he is not horny rather than when he is. If you will want to have sex with him, then he mostly feels the same!

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

If the sex was during night hours, he would fall asleep pretty quickly - yet he still would fall asleep cuddling to you closely. He always want to wait until you will fall asleep, but he does that way more quickly.

[obsessedwithpedritoofc]

Kɪʟʟ Fᴏʀ Yᴏᴜ (Fʀᴀɴᴋɪᴇ Mᴏʀᴀʟᴇs)

ℙ𝕒𝕚𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘: Frankie Morales × Male/GN Reader.

𝕎𝕠𝕣𝕕 𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕥: 2,5 k.

𝕊𝕦𝕞𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕪: It was a night like any other, except for the fact that it was pretty late and your husband wasn't home yet. When he finally arrived, he didn't do it like you expected.

𝕎𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤: established relationship, mentions of blood, mentions of death, slight angst, reader taking care of frankie bc hes a sweetheart, teeth rotting fluff, no physical descriptions of reader, no use of Y/N. (lmk if i missed any).

𝔸/ℕ: hey yall, this is the first thing that im writing for this blog, which im gonna dedicate to pedro pascal fully. i wanted to start with frankie bc i love him sm, he has a special place in my heart and it just felt like the right thing. enjoy <3

𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

The wind howled inside the room by the open window on the side of your bedroom. It was one of those nights where you weren't able to sleep, concerned about your husband not coming home yet. You woldn't usually be so worried, but it was already a couple of hours past midnight, and he never took that much time coming back home. You had spent all that time trying to convince yourself that he was okay, that he was probably just having one of his boy nights or days out with his friends. But then again, if that was the case, he would have given you a heads up —texted you—, but he didn't. Now that you think about it, he didn't even say where he was going when he said goodbye to you that morning.

Now you were even more concerned. Where the hell was he? Why hadn't he said anything to you? Why wasn't he home? All those questions were running side to side in your head, and they wouldn't let you sleep.

At least not until you heard the door opening and closing, followed by the clanking of the keys on a table.

You got up from the bed as fast as you could, running to the door with a glimpse of hope and relief blooming inside your chest. All the concern and fear you had just a minute ago had all gone away, knowing that Frankie was home safe.

"Frankie?", you whispered into the darkness of the corridor. In response, your husband gave you a soft gasp. "Frankie, baby, are you okay?", you moved closer to him, still not able to see anything in the lack of light.

"Hey, honey", he finally spoke. You could feel how his voice was unsteady. As your concern started to rise again, you moved in closer with your arm extended out to grab him. "No, don't come near me, babe. I'm...", he stopped talking.

"Sweetie, what's wrong?", you asked, stepping away like he told you to.

"Just don't get close right now, 'kay? I'm not clean".

"What do you mean you're not clean?"

"I mean... I'm... I've got...".

Since he didn't seem willing to tell you what was going on, you just interrupted him and turned the corridor lights on. It was then that you saw him covered in red and brown. Blood and dirt were spread all over his clothes, barely letting the denim jacket and the gray t-shirt underneath be seen. The anger that was flowing through your veins just seconds ago moved away to make way for fear to come back. You watched in horror how the man in front of you looked at you with eyes full of sorrow and regret. His hands were trembling, blood dried up on the tip of his fingers, where it had dripped. The hair under his cap —which was also covered in dirt and blood— was drenched in what looked like a mix of blood and sweat, as well as disheveled, more than it usually was.

Your own hands got up to touch his face. His eyes fluttered close when you graced your fingers over his cheekbones, stroking his skin lightly. Frankie let out a shaky sigh, your touch making his heart rate calm down a little bit. One of his hands went up to grab yours and he entwined the fingers of both of you.

"Tell me this is not your blood", you said slowly. Frankie was only able to shake his head no. "Oh, thank God", you moved your hand away from his face and got closer to him, wraping your arms around his torso in a tight hug. "I'm so glad you're okay, honey", you pressed your cheek flush against his chest. He responded hugging you just as tight, his chin resting on your head.

"I'm sorry", he whispered. His hands squeezed you as forcefull as his fingers permitted. Something liquid fell on your hair from his chin, followed by a soft whimper out of Frankie's mouth. You held him tighter, too. "I should've told you", he cried.

"Told me what, Frankie?", you caressed his back in a reassuring motion.

"That I was goin' out again", another sob came from his lips. "That I was goin' on another mission".

You suddenly understood the situation. That is why Frankie hadn't come home earlier. That is why he didn't tell you anything about where was he going. Because he was going out on a mission once again, and he didn't want you to worry. Maybe he thought you would argue with him about it, not let him go, and he didn't want you to be mad at him, nor wanted to be mad at you. Whatever it was why he didn't want you to know, though, didn't matter anymore.

"It's okay, love. I got you now, you're here with me, you're safe".

You held him as he cried, talked him through it, told him he was going to be fine. He just nodded every time you reminded him that nothing bad was going to happen to him, or to you, and that you would stay with him no matter what.

As the night went by, Frankie's sobs calmed down until getting to a halt. His breath became steady, just as his heartbeats. The tears pouring out of his eyes down onto your head stopped soaking your hair, and the ones that had fallen over it had already dried up. You then moved away from the hug, grabbing your husband's hand.

"How does a shower sound, hm?", you looked up at him. "You must be exhausted, and you're gonna need to get out of those clothes and all that dirt if you wanna get into bed without leaving an ugly stain", you chuckled, trying to cheer him up. He could see what you wanted to do, and gave you a smile followed by a soft breathed-out giggle.

"Yeah... Yeah, I should shower", he squeezed your hand.

"Good. I'll help you. You did leave a stain on me after that hug", you looked down at yourself, your pajamas now dirty with red and brown, just like Frankie's clothes. He smiled again, mumbling an apology before you led him to the bathroom.

You took your clothes off first, then helped Frankie out of his. As you slowly removed his denim jacket, you uncovered some cuts on his forearms. The t-shirt was also broken in the back because of more scratches that went up his shoulders as well. His legs were less hurt though, which gave you some relief. Still, when his feet were left unclothed, you saw some blisters on the heels, and his nails were broken and bloodied. Frankie took your hand when he saw your face full of concern. He helped you stand up so you could look at him and gave you the sweetest smile he could pull up. You smiled back, trying to focus on making him feel better and forget about whatever happened at that mission he had gone out on.

You stepped into the shower right after him. You turned on the faucet and waited for the water to be warm enough. Then, you turned to look at Frankie, telling him to get in front of you. He turned around so you were facing his back. You watched as the water doplets ran along his curls, his torso and down his legs. Once he was completely wet, you turned the faucet off and started rubbing the soap all over his body. You massaged the points you found more tense and stroked his wounds gently. He would let out a pained whimper when one of them hurt, and you immediatly whispered a quick apology and moved onto the next cut.

When you finally reached his hair, you buried your fingers on the soft, chocolate curls of your husband and massaged his scalp softly. His lips parted as he let a pleased and relaxed sigh escape from between them. His hands had stopped trembling and now laid by the sides of his body. You kept scrubing the shampoo at his scalp until it was covered in bubbles, and then moved down to grab his hands. He turned around to look at you as you rubbed the blood away from his fingers, staring into his deep brown eyes. His lips showed you a small, brief smile when your fingers entwined with his. He left you facing his back once more and turned the faucet on again. You helped him get rid of all the soap.

"Thank you", he said, so low that you barely heard him.

"Of course, pretty boy", you hugged him from behind, leaving small pecks at the back of his neck. He brought one of your hands to his lips and kissed it multiple times. Your smile came back to your lips at his gesture. "You might want to eat something before we go to bed", you turned off the faucet.

"Yeah, maybe I should. I'm kinda starvin' ", he chuckled. You were happy to see him less scared and traumatized than he was when he first arrived home. 

You both got out of the shower and helped each other dry up. You put all your dirty clothes in the washing machine, setting a mental reminder to put it to work next morning. You followed Frankie into your shared bedroom as he picked clean clothes from the wardrobe for the both of you. Once you were dressed, you walked to the kitchen, opened the fridge and took out a plate of leftovers from your own dinner so Frankie could have some. He just sat down on the kitchen table as he watched you do it all. He thought back to everything that had happened that day. He had murdered people again, something that he had promised himself not to do again and that he wasn't proud of doing, but something that had to be done and would save millions of lives, including yours.

He'd give anything to have you taking care of him like this again, he thought that morning he went on that mission. Even if it meant killing, torturing and hurting people, like it all had. And so, there you were, taking care of the poor, traumatized Frankie that had gone back home to you just to have you like this again. He thought that, after all, if he had protected you and saved your life, he didn't care of what he had done that day. He let all the bad thoughts drift away as the thought of you being safe and in his arms that night was all that got to occupy his mind.

He got up from his chair and hugged you from behind as you were setting his dinner on a plate. You giggled, stopping for a moment to place your hands over his. Frankie kissed the side of your head once you got back to his plate. When you were done, he grabbed it mumbling a little "thank you" and placed it on the kitchen table, where you two sat at.

You watched silently as your husband ate the food as fast as his movements allowed him, without a single break to breathe. You heard him moan every time he put a piece of a different meal into his mouth, enjoying the flavor of each one of them after not having eaten for the entire day. After a couple of short minutes, there was no food left on his plate. He looked at you and realised the way you were observing him. He put on an innocent look on his eyes and gave you a little smile as an apology.

"You were starving", you placed the plate in the sink, then grab Frankie's hand. "We should go to sleep now".

He let you lead him into the bedroom. You helped him inside the sheets when you saw his legs trembling at the sting of his wounds. You sat next to him once he was laying down under the sheets. He looked at you with hooded eyes, still feeling sorry for how useless he had been that night. You just held his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, as if to remind him that he wasn't useless, and that you liked to take care of him.

"I'm sorry", he said once again.

"Stop it, Frankie. Don't be sorry", you laid next to him, facing him and staring into his eyes. "Look, I don't know where you went today, or what you did. But what I do know is that, whatever it was, it was for good, even if you don't feel good about it. And I also do know that you're okay, here, with me tonight, and no one can hurt you as long as I'm with you", you cupped his face with both of your hands. "And no one will hurt me as long as you stay with me, got it?", he nodded. "Then I'll take it you'll stay with me, right?". He grabbed your face in a gentle, yet firm grasp. His brown orbs stared deep into your soul.

"I'm gonna stay with you. Forever. I'm gonna protect you with everythin' I have, even if it means I gotta kill every single human bein' on this Earth. No one is ever gonna hurt you as long as I'm here", he promised.

He then pulled you in for the most tender, loving, sweetest kiss he had ever given you. It was a kiss where he showed you all the things he felt for you, where he told you how much he loved you without needing words. It made you realise how much his promise meant and how serious he was about it. Of course you knew he would kill for you, that was his job after all. You just hoped he didn't have to put himself in danger again, and that he would just stay with you for as long as life allowed you to be together.

"Can I be the little spoon tonight?", he asked, taking you out of your thoughts. You looked at him with eyes full of love as he smiled shyly.

"Get over here, baby".

And so, you held him tight until the both of you fell asleep. Frankie had no nightmares that night, the complete opposite of what he thought would happen. He expected to not be able to close his eyes for the entire night, but that didn't happen. He just focused on listening to your breathing and feeling your heartbeat on his back. That all was enough for you to help him have his very hoped dreamless night. He rested just like he needed, and he slept right through the night. After all, he now knew that he was in your arms, and you were right there with him, so nothing bad would happen to any of you.

[minheelovelee]

i’m having fuma brain rot and i’m going crazy for this man rn so do you think you could do a nsfw a-z if you haven’t already? I love your work btw <3

fuma nsfw a-z

thanks for requesting anon!! im glad you like my writing :))) this took a long time hehehe

warnings: nsfw.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

oh he is the sweetest. cleaning you up with a baby wipe and making sure you're clean before you drift off to sleep in his arms. he'll take a bath with you if you have the energy. and he always makes sure to give so so much praise and so so much love. if u have tears or feel sad, don't worry! superhero fuma is here!

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

bro likes thighs. a lot. he's so sweet buying cute shorts and thigh highs for your growing collections! if you could be a doll and squeeze your thighs together just a little tighter, he would love that :)

he's worked hard to earn his dream body. he doesn't necessarily have a favorite part of himself. but when he has the strength to fuck you while standing, he can't help but give himself a pat on the back.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

on your back after backshots. he's got a polaroid of that scene in his wallet. he also likes cumming inside. he hates laundry. you're a lot easier to clean than the bedsheets.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

he's really come around to the idea of touching you while you're asleep. there's something so enticing about his little girl being so full of peace while he does dirty things with your bodies.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

he fucks. no reason to beat around the bush. he has experience, and if he didn't i would be so surprised. he seems to be wise beyond his years, so i don't think this is his first time around the block.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

anything from the back is a strong contender. he loves hitting it from behind. he's a bit mischievous, so he likes when you face away from him. you can never guess what he'll do next.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

he fills any role gracefully. he can be silly and lax if that's what supports his partner the most. he can also be the opposite.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

he doesn't care to shave. things are pretty natural down there. he knows what an everything shower is and he HATES them.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

he's actually very romantic and can show a lot of love during sex with his partner. but, he can pull back and be okay with a "no strings attached" relationship. he's in tune with his emotions and understands his partners well.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

he doesn't jack off that often. he has horrible post nut clarity. he would take a cold shower before he decided to get off.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

his strength kink goes crazy. he's worked hard for his muscular build and loves to show it off. sex against the wall is his favorite thing. he also loves when he uses his arms to make his partner ride his cock. :)

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

the bedroom or bathroom. specifically the shower. he likes shower/bath sex for the intimacy aspect of it. otherwise he will keep things in the bedroom.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

short clothes.

begging

lingerie

offering blowjobs :)

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

won't push his partner's limits. he has rules for you to follow in and out of the bedroom. he can read his partner like a book, so he knows when things have gone too far.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

he love love loves sloppy head. if you're not crying by the time your done, you didn't try hard enough. he leans more on the receiving side.

but hes really good at giving head, too. he's very attentive to his partner. 69 while STANDING. woah. i just got dizzy.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

he's rougher than most. he likes to take things slowly when there's time. slow, deep, rough. all the buzz words.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

he's not crazy about them. he would rather leave you hanging until he has time to devour you. :) he likes to take his time. he also has performance anxiety when he is on a time constraint :P

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

I think he's willing to experiment. that's how he found out about his strength kink and love for manhandling. he always wants to try something new, and makes sure you're comfortable before moving on.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

he can have too much stamina at times. sometimes he just has so much pent up energy, he'll go for hours. but he knows when to stop. he keeps the multi-hour sessions to a minimum.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

he owns a fleshlight. i don't think it sees the light of day often. he owns a couple vibrators that he lovesss to use on you. watching you squirm and beg is one of his favorite things.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

he can be a bit of a tease. he loves watching his partner enjoy themselves. but he also loves seeing their expression when he says something naughty in their ear. he's the type to get you riled up with his hands and words, leaving you needy all day.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

he's pretty quiet in bed. he moans when he finishes and when you deepthroat him. otherwise he sticks to small grunts and dirty talking quietly.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

he's a head pusher. a nice head pusher! he's also a throat fucker. he's become obsessed with laying you on your back and fucking your mouth so he can see the bulge in your throat. :)

"atta girl. taking my cock in your mouth so well. there's a little more for you, love. can you open up wide for me?" head pusher...

"breathe through your nose. good girl. look at you working so hard to make daddy feel good. keep going, sweet girl."

"fuck, you are perfect. i bet you're soaked right now, sweetheart. come sit on daddy's face so i can see."

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

his body is tea. he works so so hard and has the craziest pecs.

his dick is average length. but he's quite thick. you'll feel a stretch every time.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

his sex drive isn't as high as you might think. he's more laid back. he can make out with his partner and have it not lead to sex. he's a strong soldier.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

he's awake for a while after sex. he's gotta look out for you and make sure he didn't fuck you up too badly. if you struggle to walk afterward, he'll carry you. even if he's a little tired. :) he waits for you to sleep before he shuts his eyes.

[anonymergremlin]

Hello~✨️i would like to ask for letters I,J and K with p and carlo(im sorry if it's so much) love your writing😊

(*crowls out(emerges from my hole aka the void Ahh… thank you and sorry for the wait… drops dead it's fine, no worries)

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Well dear, what is love? (Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me… no more~ bonks me into the void). Seriously, what is love? It takes him a while to grasp it, even after he gained some humanity. Just what is love and what kinds of love exist? He knows he loves his father, he loves the people at the hotel and he loves Sophia. But that kind of love is different from the love he has for you. You are more than just family and friend. He takes a while before he says it, but when he does, it comes out of nowhere. Probably after you told him you love him. I honestly think that at that moment he would understand his love.

Carlo Carlo Carlo. He would need a bit of time. Don't get me wrong. He loves you, I mean you are someone who truly cares for him. Someone who is there for him, but the way he feels for you is different from the way he feels for Romeo, the other person in his life who is there for him. Still… even though he knows he loves you, he will give himself time. He would never come out and say it, but Geppetto's behaviour towards him has influenced his feelings. He is a little self-conscious and afraid of what would happen if he said those words. Carlo is just a little scared, but when the time comes, he will say it with all his heart

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Hah! P jealous, hardly exist, not even after gaining humanity. He trusts you, and with good reason. You accepted him and let him choose his own future, to become human. But… does he likes it when someone flirts with you or touches you in a way that is way too friendly, then he will probably glare at them… a little bit… and I promise you, if they really, really cross a certain line… draws some really angry eyebrows on P's face He will make sure to stop the interaction mostly with a rational action like standing between the two of you. >Keeping you away from the other person, making it clear that they should stop and perhaps go away. Violence tho… is his last option, but he will fight if he has to.

Can I be honest? Carlo has a good amount of jealous energy. He is not a toxic jealous lover tho. He will not ask you 24/7 what you did today or say something nasty about it seeing you around other people. >Hell no that is not Carlo, but he will become more insecure. He might threaten someone with a fist in their face, if they truly flirt with you and don't stop. Talk to him, for real talk to him. Make it clear that he doesn't need to feel like this. He is a jerk sometimes, but Carlo is so much more. Trust me, there is beautiful man behind those broken brown eyes.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Before he gains some humanity it feels like you are kissing a stick instead of a young man. He is more like a training puppet for kissing than your lover. Stands still, doesn't move, has no real reaction (He's sorry, believe me). After gaining humanity? Well, instinct takes over. He leans into you gently, tries to find a good angle and makes sure he kisses you long enough. Also… he will try to surprise you with new types of kisses he has seen in drawings or read about. These are usually very innocent, even though those kisses on your neck felt… thrilling. Oh, and he loves kisses on the cheek. Kisses on the lips are on the second place, but kisses on the cheek, just to say something like 'good morning', to greet him or just to reward him, they are on first place.

Carlo's kisses are full of passion, as if his life depends on them. At first they're like P's, but as the relationship grows and he realises that you're going to be there for him… and he's going to be there for you… oh boi. He goes all in. One kiss is never enough, two is okay and three is just perfect. Carlo believes he has to make sure he sends his "I love you" messages with every kiss. In private, his kisses become even more intense. A kiss on the throat, a kiss on the shoulder, a kiss on the neck or a kiss on the… coughs coughs Perhaps spending time with a theatre boy like Romeo has turned him into a hopeless romantic too. Anyway, his favourite places for kiss are his cheeks and forehead. Kiss him on those spots to show your love and affection towards the young man.

[girlsinaband]

the girls in a band masterlist

here is my attempt to create a complete record of comics, shows, and movies about girls that are in a band. migrated from a cohost post. i have personally seen or read all of these. i have also added editorialization with my opinions of them. each section is vaguely in a "most-to-least liked" order, but i tried not to think about it too hard.

my criteria is vague and ephemeral. but generally it is along the lines of: there is at least one girl, and preferably at least two, performing with a physical instrument of any kind with a group of people. purely idol groups dont count for this. also see: The Formula

tv

we are lady parts: the only non anime entry in this section of the list, surprisingly! but a pinnacle of the form. i LOVE this show, it's incredible. and only twelve ~20 minute episodes total! the canonical girls in a band television show. it's funny, it's heartfelt, it's got hella band content. it's about a UK muslin girlpunk band trying to recruit an insanely anxious guitar player into their band while navigating family and relationships, like you do. this is one of my favorite early scenes in case you want more convincing: https://youtu.be/tzAGqmdOBzE

sound euphonium: this time, its a wind ensemble! the sports anime of girls in a band. incredible yuri. the first season is about Competition (guys we gotta rehearse real good and try and get past the prefectural competition!). and then the second season is about Trauma (band-wise, family-wise, relationship-wise, and more!). an adaptation of a bunch of light novels that are unfortunately mostly not translated into english (or not translated very well)

girls band cry: a truly fantastic show. as you can tell from the name, it knows exactly what its about. girl moves to tokyo to escape her family and then gets swept off her feet by an ex-member of a band she likes. this one is mostly about girls being pieces of shit. basically all of the characters are kinda a dick in a fun way, and it makes for great storytelling. going in, the main girl is sorta setting up to be a cute and demure, but it turns out she's a huge asshole to everyone around her. the band (togenashi togeari) is also a real life band that is performed by the voice actresses, and has great music and a 10-song album already! their music is very good. also the show is cg animation but it REALLY goes wild with it and makes the characters super expressive. literally no caveats on the style here like you normally get with cg, it's fantastic animation

bocchi the rock (adaptation of the comic): you've probably heard about this one. girl so anxious her animation is constantly melting gets roped into joining a band. takes the sorta ok 4koma and goes crazy with the adaptation, making use of animation to elevate the sorta basic 4koma gags into full-ass comedy scenes. awesome performances and music.

scott pilgrim takes off: reimagining of the scott pilgrim comic. even more great band content. it's good

k-on (adaptation): pure fluff girls in a band. very cute. kinda like spooning sugar directly into your mouth. it's fun. i wouldn't call it "plotless" but it's basically just about having fun with your friends in a band. oh my god as im writing this i just remembered this is an adaptation of a 4koma that i havent read yet, so i need to do that i have done this now

bang dream its mygo: yep, it's a bang dream! i havent played the gatcha games, but this is a perfectly good standalone show. sticks to the girls in a band formula. stop me if you've heard this one before: a girl wants to form a band, and tries to rope an anxious girl into joining. the cg animation is pretty good in my opinion, but it's still definitely that kind of thing where you might have to get over it

jellyfish can't swim in the night: this more or less slides into this list on technicalities (they have a guitar player and a pianist! and...a producer! and also an artist. they also do perform on a stage. thats a band, right? probably). an artist, who became disillusioned with drawing when her middle school friends mocked a drawing she was proud of, is swept off her feet by an ex-idol (sound familiar?) that's in love with that art piece she is now ashamed of. they form essentially an online artist collective, producing music and music videos with artist girl's art and ex-idol girl's singing. it's about being a Creator online and dealing with all that entails (online identities, shitty randos). the characters all have some Trauma from their respective middle school experiences, and they are working through it. the show started out very strong, but fell apart in the second half and now that it's finished i dont really recommend watching it. very unfortunate

carole and tuesday: directed by the cowboy bebop guy! very up and down. two girls living on Future Mars playing guitar and keyboard form a duo together. the first half was pretty good! it's about them forming their group and gradually getting more famous. the second half is horrible and has insane stupid liberal politics. (what if trump wasn't actually a bad guy he was just being blackmailed by an evil ai or some shit like that. ive pushed it out of my mind. just watch the first half if you want to see it)

whisper me a love song (adaptation): this sure is an adaptation of the manga! i think the manga is only ok and this adaptation is pretty cheap and brings nothing new to the table. also still airing at the time of writing so this adaptation just kinda ground to a halt with like 3 episodes left to go and there's no sign of it continuing to air. weird. it still wasnt very good

bang dream: yep, it's a bang dream! this is the only anime on this list i actively made the decision to stop watching because i hated it so much. i finished season 1, but then season 2 had awful cg and made it clear that i was missing things from not having played the gatcha. don't bother with this and watch mygo instead if you want an actual television show

movies

linda linda linda: my favorite movie and one of my favorite things ever. after a girl band lost two members before their big school festival performance, they ask the first girl they see to join their band as a vocalist, who happens to be a korean exchange student who doesn't speak much japanese. teenage shenanigans ensue as they scramble to figure out their new performance in just a few days. the story is portrayed in a kinda dreamy, meandering way, and is very much about high school girls being high school girls. they know they need to do something important but they keep getting distracted by other things in their lives

liz and the blue bird: my second favorite movie and also one of my favorite things ever. a spinoff of sound euphonium, set after the events of the first two seasons of the show, but very much a standalone thing that can be watched in isolation. two girls (a flutist and an oboist) are playing a duet in this year's show, but a fallout in their relationship in the years prior is still interfering with their performance. they need to resolve their differences and their love and their futures in order to ensure the success of the entire ensemble in the competition. everything about it is gorgeous. i don't know what else to say. a movie where just watching a performance can make you cry

swing girls: movie about teenage chaos. a brass band is going to perform in a baseball game. but then basically everyone gets sick. so they need to try and put together a new band! i gotta rewatch this one it's been a while my memory is hazy

sound euphonium our promise a brand new day (sequel): and now the direct sequel to season 2 of the anime! this is definitely not a standalone thing. remember liz and the blue bird? this takes place during that same year! you get to see the full performance of that piece! but this time it's about the girls from the show and in the show's art style

the runaways: kristen stewart plays joan jett in this one and she's so hot that it basically has ruined my ability to have any coherent thoughts about the movie. if that sounds like a pitch to you then you should watch it

k-on (sequel): sequel to the anime! the girls take a trip to london. not really a standalone thing but i guess you could watch it on its own if you really wanted to. just a great compression of the fun of the show into movie form. girls having a good time

scott pilgrim vs the world (adaptation): you already know this one. i like the story of the comic more but the character performances are great

josie and the pussycats: goofy in that disney channel movie kinda way. the government is secretly trying to use subliminal messaging in music to mind control people into buying things. and the girls' band is brought into this evil world. and only they can stop it....

we are the best: swedish film about some 13 year old girls trying to form a punk band even though they don't actually know how to play any instruments. it's fine! definitely girls in a band but it didn't do much for me

jem and the holograms: i really wanted to find a contrarian viewpoint on this movie to be like "everyone says its bad but i dunno i think its fun!" but no, it just is actually bad. four sisters rocket to fame after uploading one of the sisters singing to youtube. and also there is...a....robot? made by one of the girls' father, that uhhh beatboxes and leads them on a scavenger hunt? i only watched this like four days ago and it's already rolling off my mind. dumb in the "bad disney channel original movie" way (unlike josie and the pussycats which has a goofy camp charm going for it)

comics

how do we relationship: yuri about two college students who are in their school's band club. more focused on their relationship than the bands, but there still is a lot of band content and performances

scott pilgrim: what more can be said

bocchi the rock gaiden: hiroi kikuri no fukazake nikki: the better version of the bocchi the rock comic, since it's not a 4koma. follows a mostly drunken hiroi around, which is something we all want and need

k-on: a great 4koma! unlike the bocchi manga, this really stands on its own as a well-done comic beyond the (also excellent) adaptation. sticks to the format really well and has some truly hilarious gags that i think would only work in 4koma form. lots of fun. also holy hell mugi is really gay in it. im glad the high school sequel comic gave ui and azusa got their own volume to be in the spotlight, they deserve it

beat & motion: wow, jellyfish can't swim in the night really is just doing the same plot as this, huh. and it makes it into this list on an even more tenuous technicality than jellyfish did. an artist, who became disillusioned with drawing when her his middle school friends mocked a drawing she he was proud of, is swept off her feet by a ex-idol musician he's a fan of that's in love with that art piece she is now ashamed of an animation he posted online. this is DEFINITELY "boys in a band". and its KINDA "girls in a band"? im allowing this in the list because it's absolutely got the vibes and two women do play instruments together in it like once or twice. i am enjoying it so far, curious to see where it goes

nana: i stopped reading this after 9 volumes (out of 21) because it got kinda bad and boring. but i enjoyed everything before that! and there is also an anime adaptation and two live action movies i need to watch. two girls named nana, one of whom is/used to be in a band run into each other randomly and end up living together. sort of in the "how do we relationship genre" of girls in a band where it's more about the relationships inside and out of the band. but nana is very much in the band and performs a lot! this is the most heterosexual yuri ive ever seen. they say the most romantic things about each other and talk about kissing all the time and then will be like "damn all this romantic talk about my roommate is really making me hanker for a boyfriend"

whisper me a love song: bloom into you-kind yuri about one of the girls falling in love with the other girl's performance in a band. very basic yuri stuff

bocchi the rock: the manga that spawned the anime! it's a 4koma. and believe it or not, it's not actually very good. the anime did a lot to tighten up the jokes and storytelling

k-on shuffle: it's k-on again! but with different girls. as of writing only one volume is out. it's...fine! i dont care about the characters as much as the original show which is a pretty big knock against it

hello melancholic: also yuri, but didn't leave as much of an impression on me. girl gets pressured into joining a band because she's too gay to say no

kuuden noise no himegimi / kuuden no himegimi: less explicitly yuri, but, you know, girls. also didn't leave too much of an impression on me. guitar girl with an ex-rocker dad meets a girl with a beautiful singing voice. and then joins a band with some of her dad's rocker buddies, then tries to get singer girl to join. its kinda slow and very elemental to this genre in the sense that its mostly just people talking about the band and band related things (practicing, how hard it is to compose music, etc). also one of the few of these that lets its band be properly bad and disliked by people

things that I will add once i read/watch them:

shiori experience

super sonico

show by rock

her smell

miss granny

and that's all i got! let me know what ive missed. i (obviously) love this genre so i'll consume most anything in it

[musewritingsforyou]

Love Language

*I do not own any CM characters

Summary: reader thinks about how their relationship with Spencer  has evolved through touch!

Warnings: talk of past drug use, crying, angst i guess, but mostly fluff

word count: 2.2 K

A/N: this was pretty fun to write, it is mostly little flashback scenes and I love doing those. I did this after seeing  @veraiconcos​‘s writers challenge and thought that was super cool, all of her things are amazing so definitely check out her blog!

enjoy!!

~~~~~~~~~~~

Spencer Reid's love language was never touch. I suppose the burden of all his knowledge is knowing exactly the amount of germs passed by a single touch, and which of those germs are alive, and which could get him sick, and which sickness could take root, and, well you get the point. When I first started at the BAU Spencer still seemed to me like a shy little kid. We were the same age, I like to tell him at least once a day, I'm actually a full month older than him. I think that's one of the many reasons that him and I became friends so fast. My first friend was of course, JJ. After all she is very close in age to me and Spencer, and is one of the first contacts I had with the BAU. She told me before I had met any of the team, that Spencer was, well, different. She made sure to warn me that he doesn't mean anything by his little actions of avoidence. It's just his way of keeping himself safe. This I understood.

The first time I was formally introduced to the team was much before I joined. The interview process is understandably long, they need to know a person before just throwing them in. After all, these people spend more time together working cases then they do in their own homes. -

“Hi, i’m Y/N , the new agent here” I shook the hands of everyone on the team but Spencers, remembering what JJ had told me. To him I smiled and gave a little wave.

“The number of pathogens that can be passed from a-” Spencer after seeing me wave to him began to do just what I suspected. When confronted with an uncomfortable situation, he began to hide behind his wall of facts.

“It's actually much safer to kiss” I continued for him and the look on his face was priceless.

“Yeah, yes, exactly.” A rose colored blush crept up onto his cheeks as he smiled at me.

“Oh great, now there's two of them” Morgan laughed at us before JJ pulled them away for another case.

The first time I saw someone actually touch Reid was when they returned home from the Tobias Hankle case. It hurt me to see Spencer (now my friend of almost four months) so absolutely traumatized. He would never say this to me or anyone else for that matter, but even at the time he came home, he was still feeling the effects of the drugs he was given.-

“Here they come, here they come” Anderson walked over to me as the team approached the glass doors of the BAU. I was surprised to see that Spencer was with them. I had assumed they would have taken him straight home, or maybe to the hospital.

“Welcome back, I'm glad you're alive, Reid,”  he barely opened his eyes and nodded at me before sitting down in his desk chair. I waved JJ over to me.

“How bad?” she sighed and gave me the classic worried mom look we always tease her for.

“Very. I didn't think I would ever see him like this”

“Im so sorry JJ. do you think he’ll be okay?”

“Honestly, I don't know, but i'm going to drive him home, maybe if i'm lucky I can convince him to let me take him to the hospital. I'll call you, okay?”

It worried me even more to know that JJ too, was aware of how badly he was hurt. She turned her back to me and grabbed her coat from her office before going to Spencer's desk. From where I was standing I could just barely make out what she was saying.

“Spence, come on, let's get you out of here”

“JJ I have paperwork to do” he sounded dazed, like he wasn't really sure where he was.

“Its okay Spence, I’m sure Morgan wouldn't mind a few extra”

She gingerly took the files from his hand and helped him sling his satchel over his shoulder. Then, it happened. As they walked out of the room he stumbled. Just a little. Barely enough for anyone else to notice, but I was watching the two of them so carefully as they left I couldn't help but take an involuntary step towards them. JJ took a firm hold of his arm, and put her other free hand on his back. I could see him flinch for just a second, and then, his body relaxed into her and he let her guide him from the room.

After that night I became a full member of the team. Spencer didn't take any time off. He never went to the hospital, although Penn, JJ, and I tried countless times to get him to. After that night when he let JJ help him, when he let her touch him, he never seemed to be overly bothered by a handshake every once and awhile. The first time I touched him was still a while after that, I think my 15th case in the field. -

“Spencer it wasn't your fault.” He looked at me through his black rimmed glasses with a sad and blank expression.

“Then why would he address it to me?”  this whole case I knew something was wrong. After Gideon had not shown the first time, JJ told me that he had resigned, but at that point Spence still hadn't told anyone about the letter.

“Because he knew that you needed to hear the news from him. Not from JJ, or me, or Hotch, or anyone else. There's nothing you could have done to convince him to stay Spence, he's even more stubborn than you are”

I paused to observe him in the dark silence of the jet. I brought my hand to his arm tentatively but when he relaxed and seemed comfortable with the touch, I gave it a little squeeze and smiled at him. -

Now, after Gideon had left I knew it. I had a crush on Spencer Reid. This came as no surprise at all to JJ or Penelope, but to me, it was quite the shock. He had now become comfortable with the little touches of assurance that I gave him often. More comfortable even than with JJ or Morgan. Sometimes I noticed he would even reciprocate the gesture. When he noticed I was tired or stressed or just having a bad day, he would put a hand on the crook of my elbow and give it a little squeeze. Just like I did that night on the jet. To other people this seems like nothing. But to me, and to him as well, this was everything.

When Spencer stayed in Vegas to investigate his father, JJ left. JJ as Spence and I’s best friend, is always a source of comfort and a safe haven in the stormy darkness that is our lives. When she left she pulled me aside away from Spencer and put a hand on her swollen belly. -

“ Y/N , I need to take care of Spence for me, okay?” I chuckled.

“JJ, of course, what do you think I’m here to do?” she looked at me with a deadpan stare.

“That's not what I mean. You know what was happening with him after Tobias right?” I nodded, the memories of his mood flashes, and anger, and sadness all coming to the forefront of my mind.

“he‘s going to need you to make sure that he doesn’t do anything stupid. Not Morgan, not Rossi, not Hotch, you. You are the only person on this team- in this world-. That he trusts right now. And you are the only person that could talk him off of that ledge.”

“I promise, JJ. I’ll keep him safe” She nodded at me but the worried expression on her face remained. -

JJ was worried for good reason as it turned out. I kept a close eye on Spencer as we looked into his past. The boys were all there to focus on the case. To solve what was in front of them. I was there more to focus on Spencer. There was one night. The night after we found his father, something in my brain just told me it was not going to be a good night for him. There was something in the coloring of his face, the way his posture was collapsed and the circles around his eyes were so dark, it told me all that I needed to know. -

I walked out into the hallway of our hotel and stopped in front of Spencer's door. The others were all asleep, and it was nearing one in the morning. But something told me that he needed my help right now. JJ’s voice in the back of my head reminded me that I needed to help him, I was the only one who could help him. I knocked three times on his door softly. I waited a minute before knocking again, with a little more force, and I heard some shuffling in the room before the door opened.

“ Y/N? What are you doing?” I walked inside the room without an invitation and sat down on the foot of his bed. The sheets were undisturbed and he was still in his work clothes though the tie was draped over a chair in the corner and his shoes were by the door.

“Talk to me” I looked up from my hands and continued.

“I don't mean, about the case, or your dad. I mean about you. I need you to convince me that you are okay”

“Who says I'm not?”  I rolled my eyes at him and gestured to the chair across from me.

“I do. And as one of your best friends, your closest colleague, and someone who likes you, a lot. I think that should mean something to you” the last part slipped out a little fast and completely without me thinking of the repercussions.

“You like me?” he gave a faint smile that I could only partially see in the dimly lit hotel room.

“Yes, but that's not the point right now, we’re talking about you not me '' I brushed off his comment but I couldn't help the smile and blush that came across on my face.

“Im struggling” his voice broke a little when he said it and it broke my heart to see him in such pain.

I walked over to the chair he was sitting in and pulled him up by the hand.

“I'm going to hug you now. Is that okay?”

His partial nod was good enough for me. -

I got him through that night. I talked him off the ledge that JJ had warned me of. And she was right. I was the only one who could have done that. When we came back from Las Vegas, although neither of us had said a word, something changed between us. We were more than just friends now, we both knew that, but beyond that, we weren't really sure what we were. He would call me when he needed someone to talk him down, I would call him when I needed someone to talk me down. I would show up at his apartment any hour of the day to help him, and I knew that he would do the same. One of those nights when it just so happened that the both of us needed a little talking down after a hard case, I drove myself over to his apartment to find him on the couch crying.

To see him crying was something that my tired, and broken heart couldn't take. I threw myself next to him on the couch and pulled him into a hug, no questions asked.

“I needed that.” I said as soon as I lifted my head from his shoulder.

“Me too” we were both still crying, but there was something about the atmosphere that had changed. We weren’t alone anymore. We spent hours like that, sitting there, my head on his shoulder, his arm around my back, not saying a word, just collecting ourselves as best we could. At some point in the night I looked over at the clock: 2:45 am

He looked to the clock as well and then over to me, and with a single tear streaming down his face he looked at me and said,

“If I asked you to stay, would you?” I wiped the tear from his cheek.

“You don't even need to ask”  he brought both of his hands to my cheek and pulled me into what I think is the most passionate kiss I have ever received.

That night told us both what we had become. It was no longer little arm touches or calls in the middle of the night. It was waking up to him beside me, seeing his hair ruffled from sleep and his eyes clouded by exhaustion. It was the little worried kisses he gave me in the field and the little squeal of happiness that Penelope made when I told her we were moving in together.

When I first met Spencer I wondered to myself if he would ever be comfortable with touch. But now as his sleeping body lays next to me and instinctually pulls me in closer, I know that there was never any reason to worry. Because even before, when the most contact I would get was arm touches in the midst of a panic, it was enough. It helped me learn that although not everyone wants or shows grand gestures. There are other ways, sometimes even better ways to say, I love you.

[torialefay]

First of all, wishing you all the best of luck on your assessment🍀🍀🍀🍀

Second, mad agree with you on the hair post like😊

Third, coming from a lower middle/middle class area, i have never met a single person who was financially "normal" to this area or on the poorer side who would dare throw their electronics like chan has before. Even if they got richer later, old habits die hard, and you learn the value of money. I mean, I've seen people toss or flip their phone softly when bored, but never that hard or with a laptop or something, holy shit. You can tell a lot about someone by their interactions with not only people, but everything. The amount of times i watched an idol and went "🫵rich kid attitude" is kinda funny. And i totally agree with all the asks that came in between you and your mutuals and some anons, skz are all mad hardworking, but i dont think you can or should ignore or cover up the fact that they had the financial help and the resources to learn more and give them an advantage above the rest both personally amx through jype. Its kinda like college acceptance imo. And YES creatively free with many many many restrictions. Not even talking about k-idols, normal musicians have talked about the restrictions and requirements they need to have for their appearcance and the songs they released, i can only imagine being an idol is just exponentially demanding and restrictive. Their real voice is there, but it's smaller than a lot of stay think. Hayley Kiyoko talked about her company (label?) Not wanting her to write anymore songs about girls and Colbie Caillet has a whole song about her frustration that her label wanted her to write more love songs.

*incoherent noises* i could go on forever, but my god, cortana, play "we dont believe whats on tv" by twenty one pilots

And oh my god, i wish fandoms lighten up some. Its okay to not like everything every artist or show or whatever you like comes out with. It may even be healthy to not. When you love someone, youre not gonna let them keep fucking up and then you go "youre doing amazing sweetie", no, you have to tell them that they fucked up so they are aware of their mistakes and get better. Im pretty sure i read somewhere that skz mentioned thats what they prefer anyways. Sure its gonna hurt, especially since so much heart and hope, and hardwork went into it, but if its not good, its okay to admit that and that goes for every relationship ever. And if they dont wanna listen, then, thats on them.

Im really loving all the reality checks on here recently and i havent even ranted on about "i like it" yet lmao

thank you baby!!!! and tbf, i think they could look good in absolutely any hair color or hair style. except i never want to see christopher in another fully-red moment again. his lil red highlights or whatever he had recebtly for the mv were cute, but i'm not here for the full red like leave that man alone 😭

i was talking to one of my moots about this a little bit, so i'm actually glad you brought it up... but idk it's kind of embarrassing(?) idk for me to talk about so please bear with me im queasy lol. i was never some like super spoiled-brat rich kid or anything, but growing up i would say my family was very well-off or privilged maybe? idk it's kind of awkward to talk about bc i don't want people to feel certain ways about me but yeah. i think when you are in that kind of position, it's so easy to not even realize how advantaged you are. like there's that mentality of "oh i'm such a hard worker and that's how i've gotten here" when really, as uncomfortable as it is to admit, you don't *actually* know how far you would've gotten if you'd done it ALL on your own. not relying on anyone else... and not knowing if "just you" is good enough is a veryyyy hard pill to swallow- aka why most people disregard their privilege even being brought into the equation. it's easier to just pretend it doesnt exist. hence, i guess, why we love to think of SKZ coming up from nothing... it's just so easy to fall into that trap. and i feel like even the skz members fall into that trap themselves

unfortunately, that is the biggest drawback of being a kpop idol. in a way, you can't even be your full self anymore. which is sad. like not only do you not have full control of your own music (which is supposed to be your livelihood), but you don't even have control over how you're perceived. i talk a lot ab how i wish i could hang out with the guys behind the scenes, just to see what they're REALLY like... and when you think about it, that's kind of sad. i consume so much SKZ content, but even with all of that, it's very apparent that we don't know how they are when the cameras cut off. everything we see of them is specifically controlled by their team... except for things like bubble ofc and we see what that has revealed to us about chris lol. it's just so sad, but then again, it's exactly what they signed up for. (bonus points to u for the twenty one pilots reference though my god how i love them)

it's definitely not healthy to tell someone that they're amazing and perfect in every way and agreebwith absolutely everything they say. that's not helping anything. there's obviously a lot of stays who felt uncomfortable with the song, but imagine if no one said anything??? like literally everyone was too scared to say it and everyone just went along with it. theyd have a whole new comeback w songs ab not fucking liking you and just wanting to fuck and shit 😭 which like, power to them, but stays would just be playing themselves at that point lol

haven't ranted on "i like it".... YET?!?! oh lord, i'm strapped in and ready 😭😭😭😂