#Just a boy from wolverhampton

[harrybirthdaytoya]

At one 1D concert I attended where I was very close to the stage, I was shocked when Liam made eye contact and winked at me less than 5 minutes into the concert. I wasn’t particularly attractive or special. As I watched him, I noticed he did it again, and again, and again, to any fan whose eyes he managed to catch.

That was Liam. Liam wanted every fan to have the best experience possible. He wanted everyone to feel noticed. He wanted everyone to know they were loved. I wasn’t a Liam girl but he saw me, and he cared.

Liam certainly had his flaws. I don’t deny any allegations. But I am devastated (and frankly, a little angry) that mental health, drugs, and arrested development from fame at such a young age broke him.

I will always remember Liam for the heart that was within him that I saw firsthand.

[rbbtruther]

The thing that has me crying now is all of these signs and moments at the memorial gatherings for Liam around the world.

He always wanted us to know how much he loved us, the 1D Family.

[twopoppies]

So, you know how this fandom kind of trains us to see signs and codes in clothing? At the same time, we're always at risk of reaching and seeing too much in too little... and so we gotta stay prudent.

I don't really have mutuals and nobody in real life to share the thoughts that pop into my head when my eyes see things that my brain connecs... So, at the risk of being called a clown, can I share a thought? Let's just say that if it's a coïcidence, it's a sweet one...

On his very first show, Zayn wore a red snapback. Many people, myself included, immediately saw it as a (possible) nod to Liam, a way to honour him and have him onstage with him.

When Zayn had his show in Wolverhampton, Liam's actual hometown, he didn't bring back the red snapback, though he did have red on his jacket. He wore a black snapback.

The next day, Zayn was in Manchester. He wore the same snapback, but in green. And I thought "Oh! He's wearing Harry's colour in Harry's town!" I know Harry's not directly from Manchester but I remember at least one interview or two were the boys (Louis in one, at least) said that, in the band, playing Manchester was playing Harry's home gig. So I thought then that wouldn't it be funny if Zayn wore a blue version of the cap close to Louis' hometown?

Imagine my excitment now, that I see Zayn playing Leeds, 45 minutes from Doncaster, talking about how it's good to be back up North wearing a blue snapback !!! Am I loosing my mind alone in my living room, here?

So now I can't help but think that the original plan was to wear : Red in Wolverhampton, Green in Manchester and Blue in Leeds. Zayn just throwing a playful wink at his band brothers. However, Liam's passing made him rearrange the order to Red - opening night Wolverhampton : black for mourning Green in Manchester Blue in Leeds. And of course the next question is : where and what colour would Niall's snapback be?

😭😭😭😭

You really didn’t have to hurt me like that.

[niallerspayno]

Gotta Be You - Part 1

Masterlist

As Liam’s little sister you’ve always looked up to him—he’s your protector, your biggest supporter, and your closest friend. When Liam joins One Direction and catapults into fame, he invites you to join his world, hoping it’ll help you find your own path. But instead, you find Niall. From the moment you meet him, there’s a spark, a connection you can’t ignore. Yet Liam has one unyielding rule: none of his bandmates can date you. With hearts tangled and loyalties tested, will you and Niall find a way to your happy ending?

Tags: Niall x reader, Liam x sister!reader, slow burn, angst, mutual pining, forbidden love

Part 2 | Part 3 - coming soon

...

You’ve always been proud to be a Payne. Growing up as the youngest sibling in a family of four kids, you found yourself constantly navigating the spaces between your two older sisters and your brother, Liam. While your sisters were off doing their own thing—school, jobs, and their social lives—it was Liam you stuck to like glue.

There was always something special about him. Even when you were kids, you knew he was different—his love for music, his talent, his determination to succeed. You’d sit on the floor of your shared living room, watching him practice for hours, and when he’d finally take a break, he’d playfully mess up your hair and tell you stories about the kind of career he dreamed of having.

You’d admired him for it. Music was something you’d always loved too, but you didn’t have his drive. While Liam chased his dreams relentlessly, you kept your passion tucked away, unsure how to make something of it. So, when he auditioned for The X Factor for a second time and landed a spot in One Direction, you weren’t surprised. You were ecstatic for him, of course, but part of you also felt a quiet pang of envy, a longing for the kind of confidence and purpose he had.

And then he gave you a chance. After the band’s success skyrocketed, Liam noticed how stuck you felt, unsure of your own path. He suggested you come along whenever possible—on tour, to shows, behind the scenes—so you could get exposure to the music world, learn the ropes, and figure out where you might fit.

That’s how you ended up here, on the cusp of One Direction’s first tour, standing in the hallway of a rehearsal room with Liam at your side. Your official “job” is a bit vague—personal assistant, helper, an all-rounder for whatever the band or crew might need—but to you, it’s more than just work. It’s an opportunity to prove yourself, to finally step into a world you’ve always dreamed about.

“Ready?” Liam’s voice pulls you out of your thoughts. His hand is steady on your shoulder, his presence as familiar and grounding as ever.

You nod, nerves prickling at the edges of your resolve. “Yeah.”

“You’ll be fine,” he says, but there’s a warning edge in his tone. “Just—remember what I said. They’re good lads, but—”

“—but they’re lads. Got it,” you interrupt, rolling your eyes.

His smile widens, but his protectiveness is clear. No matter how much older you’ve gotten, Liam still treats you like the same little sister who used to trail after him in the backyard in Wolverhampton. You want to tell him you can handle yourself, but instead, you let him push open the door.

He smirks and gives your shoulder a squeeze. “Alright, let’s go.”

The door creaks open, and the sound of laughter and faint guitar chords spills into the hallway. Inside, the boys are scattered across the room, and for a moment, all you can do is stare. It’s surreal seeing them like this—actually seeing them, not just hearing about them through Liam or watching them on TV.

Harry’s the first one you notice, all curls and dimples, lounging sideways on the worn sofa with one leg draped over the armrest. His signature mop of brown curls is slightly disheveled, falling over his forehead, and his green eyes sparkle with mischief as he jokes with Louis. He’s wearing a black t-shirt and skinny jeans that make him look even younger than his 17 years, but there’s something about his easy confidence that’s magnetic.

Next to him, Louis is perched on the armrest, animated and full of energy. His brown hair is swept to the side in its trademark messy-but-styled way, and his smile is wide, almost boyish, as he throws out some sarcastic remark that has Harry in stitches. He’s in a striped t-shirt and red chinos, looking every bit the cheeky troublemaker Liam warned you about.

Zayn sits further back, leaning against the wall with his phone in hand, his dark eyes focused on the screen. His black hair is perfectly coiffed, the short sides blending into the longer strands on top, and he’s dressed in a simple hoodie and jeans that give him an effortlessly cool edge. Even sitting quietly, there’s a certain intensity about him, like he’s taking in everything without saying a word.

Then there’s Niall.

He’s cross-legged on the floor with a guitar balanced against his knee, his blond hair a little shaggy, sticking out at odd angles like he’s been running his hands through it. He wears a polo shirt and jeans, and there’s a boyishness to him that instantly softens his sharp blue eyes. He’s the only one not talking, his focus on the guitar as his fingers strum a few chords absently.

“Alright, lads,” Liam announces, his voice cutting through the room as he guides you inside. Instantly, all their eyes turn to you, and you feel heat rush to your cheeks under the sudden attention.

“This is my little sister,” Liam continues, his tone making it clear he’s laying down the law before anyone can even speak.

“Little sister?” Louis echoes, his grin widening as he hops off the armrest. “How little are we talking here?”

“She’s sixteen,” Liam answers quickly, his voice firm.

Louis raises his eyebrows, glancing at you like you’re some sort of rare specimen. “Sixteen! Someone alert the crew—we’ll need to order more juice boxes!”

Harry snorts, standing up and crossing the room to you. “Don’t mind him,” he says, his hand outstretched. “He’s just bitter because you’re already taller than him.”

You laugh nervously and shake his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“Welcome to the chaos,” Harry says warmly, his grin making you feel just a little less nervous.

Louis steps up next, bowing dramatically. “Louis Tomlinson, at your service,” he says, though his teasing grin undermines any actual sincerity.

“Nice to meet you,” you reply, trying to keep up with his energy.

“You’ll regret saying that,” Zayn quips from his spot against the wall, his voice low and dry. He sets his phone down and walks over, offering you a quiet smile. “Zayn. Good to meet you.”

You nod, a little taken aback by how calm he seems compared to the others. “You too.”

Finally, it’s Niall’s turn. He stands up, brushing his hands on his jeans before offering you one. Up close, you notice the freckles dusted across his cheeks and nose, a stark contrast to the pale blue of his eyes.

“I’m Niall,” he says simply, his voice tinged with an Irish lilt that makes your chest flutter unexpectedly.

You shake his hand, his grip warm and firm but not overwhelming. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“She’s just a kid, Niall,” Liam interjects, his voice sharp.

Your cheeks burn as you pull your hand back, and Niall glances at Liam with a raised eyebrow before stepping away.

“I didn’t say anything,” he replies lightly, but there’s a flicker of something in his expression—something that makes your stomach twist.

Louis claps his hands together, breaking the tension. “Alright, Baby Payne, welcome to the circus. Don’t let Liam boss you around too much. He’s no fun.”

You manage a laugh, grateful for the distraction, but as the boys settle back into their easy camaraderie, you can’t help but notice the way Niall’s gaze lingers on you for just a moment longer before he picks up his guitar again.

It’s subtle, fleeting, but it’s enough to leave a strange, unfamiliar weight in your chest.

You follow Liam to the corner of the room as he starts explaining your first tasks, but you find it hard to focus. Your attention keeps drifting back to Niall, to the softness in his eyes and the quiet energy that seems to surround him.

You’ve just met him, and yet, something about him pulls at you, tugging at the edges of your thoughts. And judging by the sharp edge in Liam’s voice whenever Niall so much as looks your way, you get the feeling this tour is going to be a lot more complicated than you expected.

...

The weeks on tour pass in a blur, and you’ve found yourself slipping into a comfortable rhythm. You’ve gotten to know the crew, figured out how to keep Liam from getting too stressed, and discovered that there’s never a dull moment when you’re surrounded by the boys.

Harry’s teasing keeps you on your toes, Louis’s antics always bring a laugh, Zayn’s quiet humor sneaks up on you when you least expect it, and Niall—well, you try not to think about him too much. Except you do, all the time.

There’s something about him—the way he’s always humming a tune, the way his laugh lights up a room, the quiet moments when he seems lost in his own world with a guitar in hand. You tell yourself it’s just admiration, just a harmless crush. But then he’ll smile at you, soft and warm, and it feels like the air gets heavier.

One evening, after a long day of travel and sound checks, you find yourself alone in the backstage lounge. The hum of distant voices echoes down the hallway, but the room itself is still and quiet. Someone left an acoustic guitar leaning against the couch, and you pick it up, letting your fingers trail over the strings.

You’ve always wanted to learn, but it’s one of those things you’ve never had the time—or the courage—to pursue. You strum a few random notes, cringing at the sound but smiling anyway.

“You’re holding it wrong.”

The familiar Irish lilt startles you, and you look up to see Niall standing in the doorway, his hands shoved into his hoodie pockets and a faint smirk tugging at his lips.

“I’m just messing around,” you say, your cheeks heating up.

“You’ve been saying you want to learn,” he points out, stepping inside. “How about I teach you?”

Your heart skips. “Really? You don’t have to—”

“I want to,” he says simply, his eyes meeting yours. “C’mon, scoot over.”

You shift to one side of the couch, and he sits beside you, close enough that his knee brushes against yours. His presence feels larger than life, even in the quiet of the room, and you swallow hard as he reaches for the guitar.

“Here,” he says, adjusting it in your hands. His fingers are rough but careful as they guide yours into place on the fretboard. “Press here—no, a little higher—yeah, just like that. Now strum.”

The chord rings out, clearer than before, and you can’t help but grin. “Hey, that’s not terrible.”

He laughs softly, the sound low and warm. “See? Told you it’s not so hard. Just gotta practice.”

For the next few minutes, he walks you through the basics, his voice steady and patient as he shows you how to hold the strings and transition between chords. His hands brush against yours more than once, and every time, it feels like your heart might just give out.

At one point, he leans in closer, his breath warm against your ear as he murmurs, “Try pressing a bit harder—there, like that.”

You glance at him, your faces inches apart, and suddenly the air feels charged. His gaze flickers to yours, and for a moment, it’s like the rest of the world disappears.

“You’re a good teacher,” you manage to say, your voice quieter than you intended.

His lips twitch into a smile, but there’s something softer, almost hesitant, in his expression. “You’re a good student.”

The sound of muffled laughter breaks the moment. Niall straightens up just as the door bursts open, and Louis, Harry, and Liam spill inside, clearly mid-joke.

“What’s going on here?” Louis asks, his grin widening as he takes in the scene. “Private guitar lessons, huh?”

“Very private,” Harry adds, raising an eyebrow.

Your face burns as you fumble to set the guitar down. “We were just—”

Liam steps forward, his protective big-brother mode kicking in immediately. His eyes narrow as they dart between you and Niall. “What’s going on here?” he repeats, his tone less teasing than Louis’s.

“She’s learning guitar,” Niall says, his voice easy but a little quieter than usual. He scratches the back of his neck, clearly picking up on Liam’s mood.

Liam crosses his arms, his stance firm. “Since when do you give private lessons, Niall?”

“Liam,” you interject, your voice tinged with exasperation, “it’s not a big deal. He was just helping me.”

“Helping, huh?” Liam’s tone softens slightly as he glances at you, but the protective edge doesn’t leave his expression.

“She’s a natural,” Niall offers with a small smile, trying to ease the tension.

“Right,” Liam says, his tone flat. “Well, I think we’ve all had enough downtime. Don’t you, Niall?”

The unspoken message hangs heavy in the air. Niall nods, his gaze flicking to yours for a brief moment before he steps away. “Yeah. I’ll, uh, catch you later.”

He disappears into the hallway with Harry and Louis trailing behind, both of them snickering. Liam lingers, his arms still crossed.

“You alright?” he asks, his voice softening as he looks at you.

“Yes, Liam,” you say, unable to keep the irritation out of your tone.

He frowns, his protective instincts clearly at odds with the trust he has in you. “I just don’t want you getting caught up in anything that could distract you from why you’re here.”

You sigh. “I’m fine. Really.”

Liam hesitates, then nods. “Alright. Just… don’t forget I’m looking out for you.”

As he leaves, you sink back onto the couch, your heart still racing. The moment with Niall felt fragile, like it could have been something more if not for the interruption. And now, you can’t help but wonder if he felt it too—or if Liam’s protective streak just made it harder for anything to happen at all.

...

A few months into the tour, life has settled into a rhythm. The long bus rides, chaotic backstage moments, and energy of packed arenas have become second nature to you. You turned 17 just a few weeks ago, and the boys threw you a small, chaotic birthday celebration on the bus.

Liam, of course, went all out—insisting on decorations, a cake, and a heartfelt speech about how proud he is of you. You love your brother fiercely, but his protectiveness hasn’t wavered even as you’ve gotten older. He’s constantly watching, making sure you’re okay, and keeping a particularly close eye whenever you’re around Niall.

Because if there’s one thing that’s changed since the start of the tour, it’s your crush on him. What started as a flicker of admiration has grown into something you can’t ignore. You notice everything about him now—the way his laughter fills a room, the way he loses himself in his guitar, the way he looks at you when he thinks no one else is watching.

Those quiet moments you share have become the highlight of your days. But they’re always careful, always just under the radar. You know Liam wouldn’t approve, and Niall… well, you can’t quite tell how he feels.

Tonight, the hotel is quiet. Everyone has gone to their rooms in the shared suite after another long day, and you’ve slipped out onto the balcony, needing a moment to yourself. The cool night air brushes against your skin, and you let out a slow breath, staring at the twinkling city lights below.

The door behind you creaks open, and you turn to see Niall stepping out. He’s in a hoodie and sweatpants, his hair a little messy, and his blue eyes light up when he sees you.

“Couldn’t sleep?” he asks, leaning casually against the railing beside you.

You shake your head, offering him a small smile. “Too much on my mind.”

“Like what?”

You hesitate, your fingers picking at the hem of your sweatshirt. “I don’t know. Just… this whole tour. Everything. Sometimes it feels like I don’t know what I’m doing or where I fit in.”

Niall’s gaze softens, and he tilts his head toward you. “You’re doing great. Everyone sees it, especially Liam. He doesn’t stop talking about how proud he is of you.”

“That’s Liam, though,” you say with a small laugh. “He’d say that no matter what.”

“Maybe,” Niall says, a grin tugging at his lips. “But I wouldn’t. And I think you’re brilliant.”

The warmth in his voice makes your breath hitch, and for a moment, all you can do is stare at him. The air between you feels heavier now, filled with an unspoken tension that’s been building for weeks.

“You’ve been different lately,” he continues, his voice quieter now. “More confident. It’s… nice to see.”

You swallow hard, your heart pounding in your chest. “I think it’s because of you,” you admit softly, the words spilling out before you can stop them.

His brows lift, surprise flickering across his face. “Me?”

You nod, your cheeks burning. “You make me feel like I can actually do this. Like I’m not just… Liam’s little sister.”

Niall’s expression shifts, something tender and almost vulnerable crossing his features. “You’re not just Liam’s little sister. You’re… you.”

The way he says it makes your chest ache, and suddenly, you can’t look away from him. His gaze dips to your lips for the briefest moment, and when his eyes meet yours again, they’re filled with something you can’t quite name.

He steps closer, his voice barely above a whisper. “Can I…?”

“Yes,” you breathe, your voice trembling with anticipation.

The world seems to stop as he leans in, his hand brushing yours as his lips meet yours. It’s soft and warm, careful in a way that feels achingly sweet. It’s your first kiss, and it’s everything you didn’t know you were waiting for.

Your heart races, your hands gripping the railing for support as he tilts his head slightly, deepening the kiss just enough to make your stomach flutter. When he pulls back, his forehead rests against yours, his breath mingling with yours in the cool night air.

“Was that okay?” he asks, his voice so quiet it’s almost a whisper.

You nod, your cheeks flushed. “It was… perfect.”

He lets out a soft laugh, his hand brushing yours again, lingering this time. “You’re full of surprises, you know that?”

“You’re not so bad yourself,” you reply, a shy smile tugging at your lips.

The door behind you creaks open again, and both of you freeze.

“Y/N?” Liam’s voice cuts through the quiet, and you both pull away instantly, your heart lurching in your chest.

Liam steps onto the balcony, his eyes narrowing as he looks between the two of you. “What’s going on here?”

“Nothing,” you say quickly, your voice a little too high.

“Just talking,” Niall adds, his tone calm but cautious.

Liam’s jaw tightens, and he crosses his arms, clearly not buying it. “It’s late. You should be in your room, Y/N.”

You hesitate, glancing at Niall, whose expression is carefully neutral. “Okay,” you say softly, stepping away from the railing.

As you head inside, Liam stays on the balcony, his protective gaze fixed on Niall. You can feel the tension behind you as you close the door, your fingers brushing against your lips as the memory of the kiss lingers.

As the door shuts behind you, you pause just inside your room, heart pounding as you press your ear to the wall. You know you shouldn’t eavesdrop, but you can’t help yourself. The muffled sound of Liam’s voice reaches you, low and tense.

“What the hell was that, Niall?” Liam’s tone is sharp, leaving no room for interpretation.

There’s a beat of silence before Niall responds, his voice quieter but steady. “I kissed her.”

The air seems to still, and your stomach twists at the raw honesty in his admission.

“You what?” Liam’s voice rises, and you flinch. “You kissed my sister? Are you out of your mind, mate?”

“I know how it looks, Liam,” Niall says, his tone calm but firm. “But it wasn’t… it wasn’t like that. It wasn’t just some stupid thing.”

Liam lets out a humorless laugh. “Oh, really? Then what was it? Because from where I’m standing, it looks like you’re crossing a line that shouldn’t even exist.”

“I care about her,” Niall says, the words quiet but unwavering.

The room feels too small, too hot, as you strain to hear every word.

“She’s seventeen, Niall,” Liam snaps, his voice full of barely controlled anger. “She’s my little sister. She doesn’t need some… some guy messing with her head, especially not someone in the band.”

“I’m not messing with her head,” Niall says, his voice tightening. “I’d never do that to her. Or to you.”

“Then what are you doing?” Liam demands.

There’s a pause, and you can almost picture Niall standing there, his hands shoved into his hoodie pockets, struggling to find the right words.

“I don’t know,” he admits finally, his voice soft but honest. “I just… I like her, Liam. I can’t help it.”

Liam exhales sharply, the sound of his frustration carrying through the door. “You can’t ‘just like her,’ Niall. She’s not some girl you can flirt with on tour and forget about when it’s over. She’s my sister. My responsibility. And she’s too young for this. For you.”

Niall’s response is quieter this time, but you catch the edge of hurt in his tone. “I’d never hurt her.”

“That’s not the point,” Liam snaps. “The point is, I don’t want this. I don’t want you dating her, I don’t want you sneaking around with her, I don’t want any of it. Do you understand me?”

Silence stretches between them, and your heart sinks as the weight of Liam’s words settles in.

Finally, Niall speaks, his voice subdued. “I understand.”

“Good,” Liam says firmly. “Because if this happens again, it’s not just you I’ll have a problem with. It’s her too. And I don’t want that. She’s too important to me.”

The sound of footsteps signals the end of their conversation, and you quickly retreat to your bed, your heart racing. Moments later, the door to Liam’s room opens and shuts with a heavy thud, leaving you alone with the whirlwind of emotions swirling in your chest.

You bury your face in your hands, unsure whether to feel guilty, heartbroken, or furious. Liam’s words echo in your mind, his protectiveness clear—but so is the way Niall stood his ground.

It wasn’t just a kiss. It wasn’t just some fleeting moment. And that’s what scares you most of all.

...

The days after that night feel different.

Niall, who had always been a constant presence—whether it was with his playful jokes, quiet encouragement, or shared moments in the corner of a busy room—seems to pull away. It starts subtly: he avoids meeting your eyes during group conversations, sits farther from you on the bus, and finds reasons to busy himself when you’re nearby.

At first, you try to ignore it. Maybe you’re imagining things, reading too much into his behavior. But as the days stretch into weeks, the distance grows undeniable. He’s still kind, still polite, but the warmth that once filled every interaction is gone.

It hurts.

The worst part is that you understand why. You know Liam must’ve said something to him that night. Your brother’s protectiveness runs deep, and you don’t doubt he made it clear that anything more than friendship between you and Niall is off-limits.

But understanding doesn’t make it easier.

You tell yourself to let it go, to focus on your job and the tour and the amazing opportunity in front of you. Yet every time you see Niall, every time his laugh carries across the room or his voice fills the stage, the ache in your chest grows.

Finally, you can’t take it anymore.

One evening, after another sold-out show, you catch him alone in the hallway outside the dressing rooms. He’s leaning against the wall, strumming absently on his guitar, his expression distant.

“Niall,” you say softly, your voice trembling.

He looks up, startled, and you see something flicker in his eyes—guilt, maybe, or regret—before he schools his features into a careful smile. “Hey, Y/N. What’s up?”

You hesitate, your hands curling into fists at your sides as you summon the courage to speak. “Can we talk? I mean, really talk.”

He shifts uncomfortably, glancing down the hall like he’s looking for an escape. “Uh… sure.”

The casualness in his tone makes your chest tighten, but you press on, stepping closer. “Did I… do something wrong?”

His brows knit together. “What? No, of course not.”

“Then why are you avoiding me?” The words come out sharper than you intended, but you can’t help it. “You’ve been distant, and I don’t understand why. Did I mess something up?”

Niall sighs, setting his guitar aside and running a hand through his hair. “You didn’t mess anything up, Y/N. It’s just…” He trails off, his jaw tightening.

“Just what?” you press, your voice quieter now.

“It’s better this way,” he says finally, his eyes meeting yours. “I don’t want to make things harder for you. Or for Liam.”

His mention of Liam stings, but it doesn’t surprise you. “This is because of him, isn’t it?”

“Y/N…”

“No,” you interrupt, your voice trembling. “Don’t do that. Don’t act like I can’t handle the truth. If this is about Liam, just say it.”

He exhales heavily, his shoulders sagging. “It’s not just Liam. It’s… everything. You’re amazing, you really are. But this… us… it’s not a good idea.”

The words hit you like a punch to the stomach. “So that’s it? You’re just… giving up? Pushing me away because it’s easier?”

“It’s not about giving up,” he says, his voice firm but laced with something you can’t quite name. “It’s about doing what’s right.”

“For who?” you ask, your voice cracking.

“For you,” he says softly, his gaze dropping to the floor.

You shake your head, tears pricking at your eyes. “Don’t lie to me, Niall. Please. Just tell me how you really feel.”

For a moment, he doesn’t answer. The silence stretches between you, heavy and suffocating.

Finally, he looks up, and the guarded expression on his face is like a knife to your heart. “I only see you as a friend, Y/N. That’s all it’s ever been.”

The words crush you, stealing the breath from your lungs. You stare at him, searching for any sign that he’s lying, that he doesn’t mean it. But his face is unreadable, and the wall between you feels insurmountable.

“Oh,” you manage, your voice barely above a whisper. “Okay.”

“Y/N—”

“No, it’s fine,” you say quickly, stepping back. “I get it. Thanks for being honest.”

You turn before he can say anything else, the tears spilling over as you walk away.

It’s not until you’re alone in your room, curled up on the bed with your face buried in your hands, that the full weight of his words crashes down on you.

Your first kiss. Your first heartbreak. And all of it with the same person.

Deep down, you can’t shake the feeling that there’s more to what Niall said—that he’s not telling you the whole truth. But that doesn’t make the pain any less real.

And as much as you want to believe that this isn’t the end, that maybe one day things will be different, you can’t ignore the hollow ache in your chest.

For now, it feels like goodbye.

You’re still curled up on your bed, the muffled sounds of the bustling hotel outside your window doing nothing to distract you from the ache in your chest. You’ve stopped crying, but the tears have left tracks on your cheeks, your eyes sore and your head heavy.

A soft knock at the door breaks through the silence, but you don’t move. You know who it is.

“Y/N?” Liam’s voice is hesitant, almost cautious.

“Go away,” you mutter, your voice hoarse.

He doesn’t listen. The door creaks open, and a moment later, the bed dips under his weight as he sits down beside you.

“Are you okay?” he asks softly, reaching out to brush your hair back from your face.

You turn away, your throat tightening. “What do you think?”

Liam sighs, his hand falling to his lap. “I heard you and Niall. Well… I heard enough.”

“Good for you,” you snap, sitting up abruptly. “You got what you wanted, didn’t you?”

His brows furrow, confusion flickering across his face. “What are you talking about?”

“You,” you say, your voice rising. “You told him not to get close to me. You made it impossible for him to… to even try.”

Liam stiffens, his mouth opening and closing as he struggles to find a response.

“I’m not stupid, Liam,” you continue, your words tumbling out in a rush. “I know you said something to him that night. You couldn’t stand the idea of him liking me, could you? So you made sure it wouldn’t happen.”

“Y/N, it’s not like that,” Liam says, his voice tight.

“Then what is it like?” you demand, the tears threatening to spill over again. “Why do you always have to control everything? I’m not a little kid anymore, Liam. I’m not some fragile thing you need to protect.”

“You’re my sister,” he snaps, his frustration breaking through. “It’s my job to protect you. Especially from something that could hurt you.”

“Hurt me?” You laugh bitterly, shaking your head. “You don’t even trust me to make my own choices. Do you even care how I feel? How much it hurts that you pushed him away?”

“Of course I care,” Liam says, his voice softening. “That’s why I did it. Niall’s my mate, and I know him. He’s a great guy, but this… it would’ve been complicated. And you don’t deserve complicated. You deserve better.”

“I deserve the chance to decide that for myself,” you say quietly, your voice trembling.

Liam looks at you, his expression torn, and for a moment, neither of you speaks. The tension in the room is heavy, your words lingering in the air like a storm cloud.

“I’m sorry,” he says finally, his shoulders slumping. “I just… I don’t know how to turn it off, Y/N. I’ve always been the one looking out for you, and sometimes I forget you don’t need me to do that anymore.”

Your anger softens at the sincerity in his voice, and the fight drains out of you. “I do need you,” you admit, your voice barely above a whisper. “I just wish you’d trust me more. Trust that I know what I’m doing.”

Liam nods slowly, his gaze dropping to his hands. “I’ll try. I promise.”

The quiet stretches between you, the weight of the argument lingering but no longer sharp. You shift closer to him, leaning your head on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry too,” you murmur.

He wraps an arm around you, pulling you into a hug. “You don’t have to be.”

For a while, you sit there in silence, the steady rhythm of Liam’s breathing grounding you. The ache in your chest hasn’t gone away, but it feels a little easier to bear with him beside you.

“You’re gonna be okay, you know,” Liam says softly, his hand rubbing soothing circles on your back.

“I don’t feel okay,” you admit, your voice small.

“You will,” he says firmly. “And no matter what happens, I’m always here. You’ve got me, yeah?”

You nod against his shoulder, the lump in your throat easing slightly.

Liam stays with you that night, sitting beside you until you eventually fall asleep, his presence a quiet reminder that even when everything feels like it’s falling apart, you’re not alone.

...

You’ve been working with the boys for nearly two years now, and life on tour has become second nature to you. What started as Liam bringing you along to “help out” has blossomed into an actual job. You’re officially assistant tour manager alongside Paul, though you still help out with other tasks whenever needed. You’re no longer just Liam’s little sister tagging along—you’re part of the team, a vital piece of the well-oiled machine that keeps everything running.

The boys are on their second tour now, and at 19, you’ve come into your own. It’s exhilarating being part of the chaos, and you love the work: the organization, the problem-solving, the adrenaline of a live show. It’s the perfect way to be part of the music industry without the overwhelming spotlight.

Your relationship with the boys has only grown stronger. They’re like your family now—a group of brothers who alternately tease you mercilessly and protect you fiercely. Even Niall.

Especially Niall.

Your feelings for him never left, though you’ve done everything you can to bury them. You’re friends now, like you are with the others, and you’ve convinced yourself it’s enough. But there’s still a pang in your chest when you see him smile, still a flutter in your stomach when his arm brushes yours.

You’ve tried to move on. You’ve dated a little, had a few hookups here and there, but none of them have meant anything. They’re distractions, attempts to prove to yourself that you can let go of Niall. But deep down, you know the truth—you’re still in love with him.

And Liam? Liam notices everything.

He’s still protective, though he’s eased up a little since the early days. He trusts you to take care of yourself, but that doesn’t stop him from keeping a watchful eye on anyone who shows too much interest. You know he means well, but sometimes it feels like he’s waiting for you to slip up.

Now, with 5 Seconds of Summer joining the tour as the opening act, his watchfulness has only increased.

Tonight, the afterparty is in full swing. The boys just finished another sold-out show, and the room hums with energy. You’re mingling with the crew and the 5SOS boys, enjoying the electric atmosphere, when Ashton sidles up beside you.

“You looked like you could use a drink,” he says, holding out a glass.

You take it with a smile. “Thanks, Ashton.”

He grins, his dimples on full display, and leans casually against the bar. The conversation flows easily, his charm disarming, and before long, you’re laughing at his jokes and leaning into the distraction he provides.

Out of habit, you glance around the room and catch Liam’s eye. He’s sitting with Harry and Louis, but his gaze is sharp, fixed on you and Ashton. You feel a pang of guilt but push it aside.

It’s not like you’re doing anything wrong.

Your gaze shifts again, landing on Niall across the room. He’s chatting with a few crew members, a drink in hand, but his eyes flicker to you and Ashton. For a moment, your breath catches. There’s something in his expression—something unreadable but heavy.

But then he looks away, and the moment is gone.

Ashton steps closer, his hand brushing yours. “You know, you’re kind of amazing,” he says, his tone light but sincere. “Everyone talks about how much you do for the band. It’s impressive.”

Your cheeks warm, and you glance down at your drink. “Thanks. It’s not a big deal.”

“It is,” he insists, his voice softening. “You’re the kind of person who makes everything run smoothly, and no one even notices. That’s a big deal.”

The compliment catches you off guard. You’ve heard similar things before, but coming from Ashton, it feels different. It feels like he means it.

Before you can respond, a voice cuts through the air.

“Hey, Y/N,” Niall says, his tone too casual to be natural. “Can I talk to you for a sec?”

Ashton frowns, his hand lingering on your arm. “We were just—”

“She’ll be right back,” Niall interrupts, his voice firm but not unkind.

Your heart stutters as you meet Niall’s gaze. There’s something intense in his eyes, and for a moment, you forget to breathe.

Reluctantly, you follow him out into the hallway, leaving Ashton behind.

“What’s your problem?” you demand, crossing your arms as you lean against the wall.

“My problem?” Niall repeats, his voice tight. “What are you doing with him?”

“What does it matter to you?” you snap, your frustration bubbling over. “You don’t care who I’m with.”

Niall flinches, but he doesn’t back down. “I care because I know you don’t like him.”

“And how would you know that?” you challenge, your voice shaking.

“Because I know you,” he says, his voice soft but sure.

The words cut through you, leaving you raw and exposed. For a moment, neither of you speaks. The silence is heavy, filled with everything you’re too afraid to say.

“Why do you even care?” you ask, your voice barely above a whisper. “You’ve made it clear you don’t feel that way about me.”

Niall looks away, his jaw tightening. He doesn’t answer, and that’s answer enough.

“Exactly,” you say bitterly, stepping past him. “Stay out of it, Niall.”

You walk away before he can stop you, your heart shattering all over again.

When you glance back into the room, you catch Liam watching you, his expression unreadable. You know he’ll have questions later, but for now, you don’t have the energy to care.

All you want is to be anywhere but here.

...

The tour has been a whirlwind of cities, venues, and endless hours on the road. Over the months, you’ve fallen into an easy rhythm with the chaos, finding joy in the work and the moments of camaraderie.

The boys—Harry, Louis, Zayn, and Niall—have all become like family to you, with the exception of Niall, who occupies a more complicated space in your heart. The others treat you like their little sister, protective and sometimes overbearing, but always with good intentions. Niall… well, Niall is different.

And then there’s Ashton.

What started as a casual flirtation has turned into something… undefined. Harmless fun, the two of you had agreed, a way to blow off steam without complications. A few dates here and there, a few hookups in the quiet anonymity of hotel rooms—it’s nothing serious, just a distraction.

A distraction from Niall.

It works, most of the time. Ashton’s easygoing nature and charm make it hard to dwell on the ache in your chest, the lingering feelings you can’t quite shake. And yet, you’ve caught Niall’s eyes on you more than once when you’re with Ashton.

The way his jaw tightens when Ashton slings an arm around your shoulders. The way his laughter falters when Ashton leans in to whisper something in your ear. You see it, but you don’t know what it means—or maybe you don’t want to let yourself believe it means anything at all.

Now, with the tour winding down, the tension has reached its breaking point.

You’re backstage after another sold-out show, sorting through a pile of schedules when Harry appears in front of you, his arms crossed.

“Hey, Y/N,” he says, his tone unusually serious. “We need to talk.”

Your stomach sinks. “What’s going on?”

“Just come with me,” he says, gesturing for you to follow.

Confused, you trail behind him, rounding a corner to find Liam, Louis, Zayn, and Niall waiting in one of the empty dressing rooms. Their expressions range from serious to downright grim, and your heart starts to race.

“What’s this about?” you ask, your voice wary.

“It’s about you and Ashton,” Liam says, his arms folded tightly across his chest.

You freeze, your stomach twisting into knots. “What about it?”

“You really think we’re going to ignore what’s been going on?” Louis asks, leaning against the wall with a sharp look.

“There’s nothing to ignore,” you say defensively, crossing your arms. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Not a big deal?” Liam snaps, his voice rising. “You’ve been hooking up with him, Y/N.”

“So what if I have?” you fire back, your frustration bubbling over. “I’m an adult. I can do what I want.”

“Can you?” Liam shoots back. “Because it sure as hell doesn’t seem like you’re thinking this through.”

“Why is it any of your business?” you demand. “Ashton and I have an understanding. It’s harmless.”

“It’s not harmless,” Niall cuts in, his voice tight. “He’s not good enough for you.”

You whirl on him, your eyes blazing. “Oh, and who is? Because it sure as hell isn’t you, right?”

The room goes dead silent, the weight of your words hanging heavy in the air.

“Y/N,” Liam starts, but you cut him off, turning back to him.

“No, Liam, seriously,” you say, your voice shaking with anger and hurt. “I couldn’t date Niall because you told him not to. And now I can’t even have a casual thing with Ashton? Who am I allowed to be with, Liam? Or am I just supposed to stay single forever so you can keep playing the overprotective big brother?”

“That’s not what this is about,” Liam says, his tone softer now, but you’re too far gone to listen.

“I’m 19,” you say, your voice rising. “I can fuck whoever I want, Liam. You don’t get to control me.”

“Don’t talk to me like that,” Liam snaps, his own temper flaring. “I’m trying to look out for you.”

“I don’t need you to look out for me,” you shoot back. “I’m not a kid anymore.”

Niall steps forward, his expression unreadable. “We’re just trying to protect you, Y/N.”

“Protect me from what?” you demand, turning to him. “From living my life? From making my own decisions? I don’t need your protection, Niall. Not yours, not Liam’s, not anyone’s.”

The room is thick with tension, and for a moment, no one speaks. Finally, Liam sighs heavily, running a hand through his hair.

“Fine,” he says, his voice tight with frustration. “Do whatever you want. But don’t come crying to me when it blows up in your face.”

His words cut deep, but you refuse to let them show. Without another word, you push past them and storm out of the room, your heart pounding and your eyes stinging with unshed tears.

You don’t stop until you’re in the privacy of your own room, the door shut firmly behind you. Only then do you let yourself crumble, sinking onto the bed as the weight of their words crashes over you.

You thought you’d built up walls strong enough to protect yourself, but tonight, they’ve come crashing down. And as much as you want to blame Liam, or Niall, or anyone else, the truth is painfully clear.

You’re not just running from them. You’re running from yourself.

…

Later that night, you’re sitting cross-legged on your bed, folding the last of your clothes into your suitcase. The hotel room is quiet, the muffled hum of the hallway barely audible. There’s a soft knock at the door, and you glance up.

“Come in,” you call, setting aside a stack of T-shirts.

The door creaks open, and Liam steps inside, his expression hesitant. He hovers near the doorway, hands in his pockets, looking a little unsure of himself.

“Hey,” he says.

“Hey,” you reply, turning back to your packing.

“Can I sit?” he asks, gesturing to the edge of the bed.

You nod, and he makes his way over, lowering himself onto the mattress beside you. For a moment, he doesn’t say anything, just watches as you fold and organize your things. Finally, he clears his throat.

“I, uh… I wanted to check in on you,” he starts. “I know things got a little heated earlier.”

You sigh, sitting back on your heels. “Yeah, they did.”

“I’m sorry,” Liam says, his voice soft but steady. “Especially for that comment I made—‘Do whatever you want, but don’t come crying to me.’ That was out of line, and I didn’t mean it. I’ll always be here for you, Y/N. No matter what.”

His words catch you off guard, and you glance over at him, your chest tightening. “Liam…”

He shakes his head, cutting you off. “I just get scared sometimes, you know? I see the way people look at you, the way they talk to you, and I don’t want anyone taking advantage of you. You’re my little sister, and I just want to protect you.”

“I know,” you say quietly, looking down at your hands. “And I’m sorry too. For the way I acted. I shouldn’t have lashed out at you like that. I know you’re just trying to look out for me.”

Liam leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “I don’t want you to think I’m trying to control your life, Y/N. I know you’re an adult now, and I trust you to make your own decisions. I just… I don’t want you to get hurt.”

You offer him a small smile. “I get that. And for what it’s worth, I ended things with Ashton tonight. Not because of what you or anyone else said, but because it just… made sense. The tour’s ending, and he’s going back to Australia. We both agreed it was the right thing to do.”

Liam nods, relief softening his features. “Good. I liked Ashton, but I’m glad you’re doing what feels right for you.”

There’s a moment of silence, and then Liam reaches out, pulling you into a hug. His arms wrap tightly around you, and you sink into the familiar comfort of his embrace.

“I’m proud of you, you know,” he murmurs. “You’ve grown up so much, and you’re doing amazing things. I know I don’t say it enough, but I mean it.”

“Thanks, Liam,” you whisper, your throat tightening. “That means a lot.”

He pulls back slightly, his hands resting on your shoulders. “And for the record, I’m really looking forward to going home. It’ll be nice to see Mum and Dad, and to just hang out with you. No tour, no distractions.”

You smile, brushing a tear from your cheek. “Same here. It’ll be nice to have some time to just… breathe.”

Liam grins, ruffling your hair like he used to when you were younger. “Exactly. Now finish packing—we’ve got an early flight tomorrow, and I’m not carrying your suitcase.”

You laugh, swatting his hand away, and for the first time in what feels like ages, things feel okay between you.

But as Liam leaves the room, closing the door softly behind him, your thoughts drift back to Niall. No matter how much you try to convince yourself otherwise, a part of you knows you’re still hoping for something more.

…

Part 2

Author’s note: I PROMISE there are more Niall moments coming - it is an angsty slow burn after all

[themultifandomgal]

From 2010- Grimmy Chats to One Direction

Part 51

2015

“Hello One Direction”

“Hello Nick Grimshore” Niall says into his mic. I sit in between Niall and Louis while Liam sits next to Louis and Harry on the edge of the sofa

“How are you all?”

“Tremendous” Liam responded

“No Harry you’re not well are you?”

“No. The doctor told him he either had to pick singing or talking so obviously he picked singing” Niall says “he’s downloaded an app so everything he wants to say is going to be spoken through his phone”

“Thanks for having us at radio one” Harry’s phone says

“Now the point of this interview is that you guys will be going on a break, which hasn’t started yet we thought we would get your fans who have been so loyal over the past 5 years to take control of this interview. In 2 days we got 200,000 questions. We’re gonna get through these”

“Hi I’m ebony I’m 16 and I’m from Barnsley. My question is do you have a WhatsApp group chat and if so what’s it called?”

“We don’t actually, but I have them all saved into my phone under different names. Like Louis is 007 because the amount of times on tour he’s snuck up to me is ridiculous, Niall is leprechaun, I know original, Liam is save as koala and Harry is just H” the boys then talk about how we see each other everyday. After a while we finally hear Harrys phone say

“Your still in my phone as Ariel from when you had your red hair”

“Really? I hope I have a mermaid emoji next to it” Harry then smiles nodding his head

“Ok next one”

“Can you do an impression on each other now that you’ve been together for 5 years”

“I’ll go first” I say I take my hair bobble out and just keep running my hand through my hair

“Harry!” Liam laughs looking at Harry. The Louis then does an Irish accent

“Harry?” Nick says

“I’m Liam, im from Wolverhampton” Harry then puts his thumb up

“Sounds perfect. Just like him” I say laughing

“Hi I’m Sasha. What’s your Hogwarts house”

“No one really wants to go in hufflepuff or Ravenclaw” Louis says making me pout

“But I’m in hufflepuff” I say

“You really are a hufflepuff” Liam laughs “I’m Gryffindor”

“Ok boys thank you for that”

“Thank you for having us”

“Can’t wait for the live lounge later”

[saraloveslove]

Zayn's tribute to Liam yesterday in Wolverhampton was simple, sweet, painful and emotional.

“I’ve been doing something at the end of the show every night and it’s being dedicated to my brother Liam Payne. Rest in peace, i hope you’re seeing this.”

And then he sang "It's you"

I am sure Liam is watching over his boys from above and I am also sure he can feel now all our love. I only wished he could have felt it before.

I just wished people could have respect for him, at least in the death.

Zayn, I also hope you can feel our big hug for you. We know this tour isn't going as you thought it would and we can see and feel how much you are grieving for such a devasting loss 💔

I just want you to know we are here ❤️

[foxes-that-run]

That time 1D posed for Vogue with a Taylor lookalike next to Harry:

December British Vogue: The Fab Five Full Interview

By Jo Ellison 18 December 2012 (x)

Photographed by Patrick Demarchelier wearing a Christian Dior dress - with One Direction - for the December 2012 issue of British Vogue. Patrick Demarchelier

In just two years, since coming third on X Factor, they've charged their way to global fame, smashed new records and set millions of hearts aflutter. Not bad for a boy band who don't dance. Jo Ellison tries to catch up with One Direction in the December issue of Vogue.

Could it be that the only person in the world not familiar with One Direction is Patrick Demarchelier, the photographer today charged with capturing the fab five for Vogue. Sitting on a battered leather sofa in a comfortable studio in north London, his typical Gallic indifference to the upcoming task is almost comic. "So, oo iz ziss zat we are shooting?" he appeals to the room. "The Beatles?" Pretty much, an entourage of overexcited females nod back. He shrugs, and glances at his watch.

For the benefit of Demarchelier - or those who don't associate regularly with seven-year-olds, televisions or radios, or those of us of a slightly older vintage with dubious moral intentions - One Direction are currently the biggest pop band in the world. In two years, since coming third in the reality talent factory X Factor, they have achieved successes even Simon Cowell couldn't have quite dreamt of. At the time of writing, Messrs Liam Payne, Harry Styles, Zayn Malik, Louis Tomlinson and Niall Horan are number one in 50 countries, boast about 10 million Facebook fans and lead more than 6.5 million followers on Twitter. Their debut album, Up All Night (a pop-pourri of infinitely familiar but earwormy tracks, including the ubiquitous summer anthem What Makes You Beautiful), was the first by a British act to go straight to number one in America. Ever. Its release coincided with an epic, global, sellout tour, during which their every movement was accompanied by a shrieking tsunami of tweenage desire. They've just recorded a "difficult" second album in Sweden.

Critics may dispute their musical legitimacy - they don't write songs, nor play instruments, nor dance (unless you count swaying vigorously on the spot). Neither was their genesis remotely organic; the five were thrown together "live" on air when they failed to persuade the X Factor judges of their strength as soloists. In short, they are as manufactured as McDonald's. But 1D, as their apparently un-ironic moniker would now have them, are the modern pop phenomenon. As Alexa Chung puts it: "They're no Beatles, obviously, but it's nice to see a boy band dress well for a change. They remind me of a box of puppies at Christmas - each one more adorable than the next."

The question as to exactly who is the most adorable remains the most hotly contested debate in the playground today. Is it Liam, from Wolverhampton, star sign Virgo, with his newly shorn, post break-up crew cut, his phobia of spoons and his excellent Kermit the Frog impression? Or Zayn, a chocolate-eyed Capricorn from Bradford, who has three sisters, always wears two pairs of socks and can't swim? Maybe it's Louis, the green-eyed granddaddy of the gang, another Capricorn, this time from Doncaster, about to turn 21 and one of only two members to hold a driving licence. Is it little Niall, Virgo, a blond moppet from Mullingar in Ireland, with not-so-invisible invisible braces, "a soft spot for girls with green eyes" and a habit of curling up and dozing off at any given opportunity?

Or is it Harry? Which, of course, it is, because if you have heard nothing whatsoever of One Direction you have probably heard of Harry Styles, the hazel-eyed, mop-topped, bedimpled lead singer and baby of the group, with whom the whole world has fallen in love. Harry, an Aquarian, who hails from the village of Holmes Chapel in Cheshire. Harry, whose delightful scowl of petulant confusion, like a teddy bear trying to do trigonometry, has skewered millions of fluttering hearts, and has wooed scores of women if the papers are to be believed (and wouldn't you, if you were he and had that kind of opportunity?). Harry, whose favourite food is tacos, who hates mayonnaise, adores the Beatles, likes to perform Justin Bieber at karaoke and who is the first to introduce himself to the assembled crew when the band arrive, two hours earlier than scheduled, throwing everyone into a paroxysm of panic that even the best Carry On film couldn't emulate.

"You're never going to get used to walking into a room and have people screaming at you," he says of his status as World's Most Fanciable Adolescent, as a stylist fumbles around him with a black tie in as professional a manner as she can muster. Despite being so terribly attractive, with his lazy northern brogue and cursedly pretty face, he has managed to stay sanguine about his fame. "There's a lot of things that come with the life you could get lost in," he says, eyes flickering earnestly under the signature 'do (ebony curls, fringe swept-over, mussy at the back). "But you have to let it be what it is. I've learnt not to take everything too seriously."

And how does he feel about the endless photocalls and press shoots that go with the territory? Days like today, for example. "I enjoy 'em, actually," he says. "Especially ones like this, where you don't have to just sit there and grin."

He's especially comfortable in the fashion world; he was the only member of the band who sat front row at Burberry last September, for example. "I like fashion," he says. "When I look back at the kind of stuff I wore on the X Factor, I laff." In fairness, he was only 16 then, a highly forgettable period in anyone's style evolution. "No," he shudders, recalling the bow ties and long straggly scarves that accessorised his earliest television appearances. "There's no excuse."

Despite being the most obviously charming of the group, Harry is also remarkably self-contained. In front of the camera he can appear removed, even shy at times. As to his role in the group: "I float a bit," he says vaguely, before adding, "and I can fall asleep anywhere. That's my thing."

Asked to identify the "father figure" among them, the boys nominate Liam, who is wrestling with the laces on a new pair of white Converse and getting used to the aforementioned haircut. "At the start, the management said I wasn't allowed to change my hair," he says of the strict aesthetic with which the boys are expected to comply. "But then I did it anyway, so they kind of let that one go. I tend to change my hair quite a lot." The change affords him a small window of anonymity. "I can go out and about," he says. "The other day I went out dressed as a big chav - Adidas trainers, jogging bottoms - and no one recognised me."

"It seems almost sad that a little haircut should represent such a big opportunity for the boys to lead anything like a normal life, if only until the papers catch up with them 24 hours later, but they are, at least, beginning to enjoy more autonomy in their artistic lives. The new album allowed them "to experiment with new sounds", says Harry. "We want to gradually get more and more 'live' sounding. So this album is a lot less little synth sounds, more guitars and drums. It's important to experiment with things - we want to move with the times, but keep true to ourselves."

For others, the second album was a longed-for chance to flex some musical muscle. "We did a lot of writing in the studio," says Niall, the self-described "carefree" member of the team. "And I play the guitar, so I play on a lot of the tracks on the album." A "born performer", whose first party trick, aged four, was to sing Saturday Night at the Movies to any willing audience, Niall has no issue with screaming women. Adores touring. "I love it. I love the screaming. They love it, too: they've all got their tickets and they've been waiting a year or so to see you, so you've got to give it your best." That said, he - like all of them - is looking forward to the three-day holiday they've been allocated, and the quiet normalcy of "hanging out at home and going to the pub with my old mates".

But now it's time for work. And so they assemble, staring down the lens of Demarchelier's camera with all the intensity of Derek Zoolander, as the sphinx-like Edie Campbell trails lissom limbs along their shoulders. Approaching 22 herself, she's far too old for these young swains: "They're just children," she laughs as she quick-changes into white Dior. Anyway, the boys seem largely impervious to her beauty, Zayn standing stock-still as she arranges herself around him, never breaking eye-contact with the lens. Perhaps he's in awe of her - the band's groomer later mentions she's never seen the boys so "well-behaved". True enough, they are a treat to shoot: quick, uncomplaining, each doing just as they are told - there's barely even any banter between frames. It's far from the hi-energy performance they bring to the stage, but no less efficient.

Such professionalism is almost eerie - the product of a long, long education at the school of Simon Cowell but they're ever so sweet with it, too. Afterwards they sign autographs, pose for pictures, thank everyone for their time, and are as lovely as you hope they'd be. And then they're off, all ushered, in one direction, towards the next appointment on that relentless schedule of world domination.

One Direction's new album, Take Me Home, is out now.

Read more: The December Issue Highlights

[mightdeletelater]

when fame turns fatal: the tragic cycle of celebrity exploitation

this blog post was originally posted on my substack

How do you capture the unknowable life of someone else? Someone only seen through interviews, music videos, and invasive paparazzi snapshots? Maybe starting by laying out the simplest biographical details? Liam Payne was born in 1993 in Wolverhampton. He first auditioned for The X Factor at 14. Joined the boy band One Direction at 16. Had a son named Bear at 23. Released his only solo album at 25. And passed away at 31 after falling from a hotel balcony in Argentina.

Another approach could be to focus on the photos, the ones from both the beginning and the end. In 2010, when One Direction was formed, judges Simon Cowell, Louis Walsh, and Nicole Scherzinger hovered over a polaroid of a 16-year-old Payne, arranging it with pictures of three future bandmates – Niall Horan, Harry Styles, and Louis Tomlinson – as if they were playing with dolls. "That looks good." "That looks great." "It looks unbelievable." When Payne passed away in 2024, TMZ published zoomed-in, cropped photos of his lifeless body. His arm, and section of his side, both with his distinct tattoos. The article had no warning of the contents. 

Denial of dignity in death is a tragic culmination of a toxic kind of fame, one especially endured by pop stars and teen idols. Payne was simply just another one who was dehumanized throughout his life – by the music industry that propelled him to stardom, by the tabloids, by social media, and even by his own fans. Being idolized can be as depersonalizing as being vilified. He became a pin-up poster, and eventually a literal doll (fans could collect all five members of the boyband). 

The cycle of objectification persisted even after One Direction disbanded in 2015. Payne's solo career and erratic interview behaviour became a source of online mockery. Once endearingly called the "dad" of One Direction for being more serious, ambitious, and occasionally a bit awkward, these traits grew exaggerated over time. His ‘cringe moments’ became viral content on social media. Despite being open about his struggles with mental health and substance abuse, he received little empathy. He was open about by long periods of boredom that came after the highs of performing to sold out arenas which led him to an alcohol and drug addiction and suicidal thoughts. Speaking on the Diary Of The CEO Podcast in 2021, Payne said: “I was worried how far my rock bottom was going to be. Where's rock bottom for me? And you would never have seen it. I'm very good at hiding it. I don't even know if I have hit it yet. I can either make that choice now and pick my last moment as my rock bottom or I can make a whole new low.” While the exact circumstances of Payne's fall from the balcony remain unclear, emergency services were called to the hotel for “a guest who has had too much drugs and alcohol.”

Before his death, Payne was accused by his ex-fiance Maya Henry of physical and emotional abuse, including chasing her with an axe and forcing her to get a self-induced abortion. Last week, Henry had issued a cease and desist against Payne, accusing him of repeatedly contacting her. She also alleged that the singer continuously contacted her friends and family, including her mother. 

The fantasy that One Direction embodied for a generation was always deeply co-dependent – a symbiotic relationship between the fevered daydreams of millions of teenage girls and the dream come true for five young boys. But what once seemed like a fantasy looks more like a nightmare. There is something undeniably troubling about adults marketing 16-year-old boys to children for maximum profit, despite the clear risks to their well-being and mental health. Why do we only recognize this when tragedy strikes? How can we justify doing this to such young people – isolating them from their families, their normal lives, and their sense of self – only to mock them as they struggle through adulthood? How many more lives must the pop industry claim before something finally changes? It all just feels irredeemable. What is someone supposed to do with all that fame and then all that vilification? What does it say about us when there is a market for identifying tattoos from a corpse?

And there will never be closure. Henry will not get justice. Payne will have never beaten his battle with addiction. While the tributes pour in for Payne, it is clear how most of the decisions he made – and that were made for him – never were in his best interest. But that never mattered because the industry chews and spits out young people but will continue to thrive and produce entertainment. Unregulated fame has horrific ramifications, for the person in the spotlight and all the people in their lives standing just outside of it. 

[harrys-toothpaste]

teardrops: a liam payne tribute fic

by: remy andersen

a/n: i wrote this probably a few days after liam’s passing. i was reluctant whether to share it on here but figured eh, might as well, what’s the worst that could happen. hope you guys enjoy!

~

“please let this be the right address.”

i found myself muttering that through my teeth with fingers crossed as i turned the rainy and grey street corner in the middle of wolverhampton.

the boys had called me there as they’d just signed to a new management label, under the name payno records, a tribute to their fallen friend, and one that would be wholly owned and operated by them; well, louis would most often take the helm. i always saw him as the leader of the group anyway, at least he had the voice and mentality for it.

still, anything was better than psychic cowbell or, whoever the hell that monster was.

he was responsible for tipping that first domino that indirectly led to the giant domino being toppled in argentina 2 years ago.

i still had a bitter taste in my mouth over that day. the day that was never supposed to happen. the funeral that wasn’t supposed to happen until i was on the verge of death myself.

wolverhampton was a quaint town. it always rained, apparently. a shining star from that area was snatched from this earth far too soon, and ever since that day, the sun always chose to hide behind the clouds, unworthy of shining down on that grief-riddled town, even two years on. it was never the same.

still, this didn’t faze me, as i approached the door i was looking for and strode up the steps. this one still had one of those old-fashioned knockers, i thought to myself. adds to the charm.

i shivered slightly due to the seemingly never-ending cold as i waited for the door to open.

once it did, my eyes got a small taste of how it looked inside. the light was ambient, soft, warm. the tv was on, blaring as loud as i would expect a man-cave tv to sound on sunday evening. and who else answered the door but the man i was expecting.

“hiii,” louis greeted me, eyes lighting up as he gave a small trademark wave, before embracing me as i anticipated.

the way that he hugged was gentle, and the way that he spoke was rather hushed, even if he hadn’t seen me in what felt like ages.

as if he was afraid of hurting me or breaking me.

as if he knew how precious of a commodity, how valuable of an asset i was to the band.

to him.

“come on, the rest of ‘em are inside,” he motioned for me to follow him as we stepped foot into the house.

it felt like a proper home. not some cheap hotel. not some makeshift bunkhouse that was set up to the point where they felt like prisoners, but could never speak on the matter. no, this was more like your mother’s house. the air inside could wrap around you like a fleece blanket, and the smell could waft through your nostrils like you were smelling a bowl of hot soup on a cold winter’s eve. this was home. i already adored it.

“you guys own this?” i asked as i looked around, shoving my still-trembling hands in my sweatshirt pockets.

“mmhm,” louis proudly nodded. “we ditched the rental a while back, found this place… here we are.”

suddenly a voice from further down the hallway called out “looehh!”

i laughed, “that sounds like zayn.”

“i’m needed,” louis replied with that twinge of familiar sarcasm as he rolled his eyes with a small shake of the head. “be right back love,” he patted my shoulder as he turned to run back there, shouting over his shoulder, “make yourself comfortable!”

i chuckled nervously as i scanned the room some more.

“pst! over here!” that familiar irish twang came from the couch, motioning for me to come closer.

our eyes lit up in parallel recognition when we spotted each other.

“nialler,” i replied warmly as i ran over to him, instantly enveloping him in a proper hug.

i was half-expecting harry to be right next to him, but the seat next to him was indeed vacant.

i cocked my head at this. “where’s harry?” i asked, quietly just in case.

niall shrugged, looking around himself, “think he went to goof off with zayn or… or something, dunno.” he grabbed the remote and turned the volume down on the tv. “how ya been girlie? we missed ya!”

“yeah, it’s been since you left the grieving house last year and moved into pumpkin spice and everything nice,” i gestured around the place.

niall laughed at this. “yeah, it is nice, isn’t it. i take it louis’ already greeted ya at the door there,” he pointed.

i nodded. “sure has. he always has such a warm smile.”

“what about me?” he cocked his eyebrow at me like he was playfully offended at what i said, folding his arms. “surely i’ve got the smile to please.”

then he did his classic chin-in-the-hands cheeky grin like he graced so many audiences with over the past couple years.

“yeah, i’ve seen that too many times before,” i shook my head, hoping he’d catch that i didn’t really mean it.

niall was a warm person too. he always was.

we could just sit in silence, barely say a word, and find comfort in the virtually inaudible sound of our breathing.

but after a while, i realized louis hadn’t come back yet.

“you’ve any idea where louis ran off to?” i asked.

niall shrugged, “out back to have a smoke, probably. with zayn.”

i shuddered at the thought of smoking. it was attractive when someone else did it, but me? i could never. i was too pure to even consider it.

an advertisement suddenly came on the television, something about a mental health clinic and tips on how to grieve, or just to process loss in general.

“can we change the channel?” i mumbled, “every time this comes on, i can’t help but think of it.”

“yeah, sure thing,” niall reached over and grabbed the remote for me. “you decide what we wanna watch.”

“okay,” i smiled in response and began casually flipping. as i did so, i continued the subtle conversation.

“so what other commodities you offer here?”

“a backyard swimming pool,” niall joked. “nah, but i wish though. we’ve got our sleeping chambers upstairs.”

“you mean bedrooms?” i chuckled.

“well, yeah, but once you get so used to life on the road, you develop new names for ‘em, i suppose. but yeah, you know them as bedrooms.” i knew niall was joking when he said that. he was the funny man in the group, well, harry tried to be sometimes, and zayn did an even worse job. but i knew they all had a sensitive side to them. the ones with the brighter smiles hid the bigger ones.

“have you put your stuff away yet?” niall asked me, turning my way.

i glanced over at the suitcase i’d parked beside the door, shaking my head. “nah, i probably should.”

“here,” he sprung up, “want me to show you? it’s right upstairs, follow me.”

and so i sprinted behind him, lugging my zillion-ton suitcase clumsily behind me.

“you’ll be sleeping across the way from harry,” niall gave my side a nudge, looking at me knowingly.

“since when did i say he was my favorite member?” i retorted with a laugh.

“zayn told me. he sees straight through sometimes. especially with you.”

“ugh,” i folded my arms and rolled my eyes, “can’t stand that bastard sometimes.”

“yeah, he can be a bit of a smartass sometimes. but we all can.”

suddenly a call from down below. “nialler, lad, where’dja go?”

“coming!” he shouted back, turning on a dine and trucking back down to meet louis.

i stayed upstairs, taking careful note of my accommodations.

liam would have slept here if he were still around, i mused to myself somberly.

i looked outside my window and viewed a clear sight of him, in the dusky sky, painting a beautiful orange and fuscia tinted landscape up above, the clouds forming that signature v-pattern that i’d took notice of all the times before.

suddenly i heard voices creep closer to my room, the footsteps making their way up the stairs.

“have you shown her the room yet?”

“yeah, yeah, it’s all fine and dandy, she’s cool with it.”

i froze slightly before i heard the door behind me open.

“ah, there you are!”

“hey, we need to talk to you for a sec.”

oh lord, i thought to myself. just a sec? usually those turned into a whole minute, proceeded by another 59.

but it really didn’t feel like any time at all, zayn was standing by the door as well, and he gave me a friendly smile and wave, and i proceeded to hug him back as per the norm. he, too, was a gentle hugger.

“what would you like us to know about you?” louis asked, standing the closest to me.

“this feels like an interview,” i nervously chuckled, “uhh…”

“reason why we need to know,” louis semi-rudely interrupted, “is that you’re gonna be staying with us here for a while, right? and we kinda gotta sorta take you under our wing, in a sense, you get what i mean?” the speed at which he was talking and all those damn dramatic yet quick hand gestures only made me even more confused.

yet, i cleared my throat.

“please be patient with me,” i responded quietly to them. “i know absolutely nothing. that’s all i ask of you.”

“that’s it?” louis prodded.

i nodded. “i don’t know much, forgive me.”

“that’s quite alright with us. we don’t expect you to know anything,” louis reassured me.

“do you think you’ll feel happy here?” zayn then asked me.

“of course,” i quietly reply, a bit more sure of my answer. “i’m with you guys.”

i felt bad when they all had to lean in to hear me. but sometimes i only spoke at one volume. louis did too, and it was frozen on *loud.*

“anyway,” louis continued, “get situated in your room, unpack, put your belongings away, whatever, we’ll be back to check on you in a little while.” he whipped a pointing finger out on me, “you got our contacts right?” it sounded like one long word strewn together, but i just smiled and nodded, taking my phone out of my leggings pocket and waggling it in front of them.

“so you know who the best contact would be, right? either one of us?” louis’ frantic finger pointed to himself, niall and zayn in one split second.

“yeah, yeah, sure sure,” i laughed. “i’ll just call up my mum and tell her how homesick i am.”

“oy, don’t do that quite yet, love! get settled in first! then you can have the dramatic chit chat and all that jazz, y’know?”

“we’re holding you hostage for a while,” zayn joked, before turning to go back downstairs.

“you’ll feel real comfortable here, promise,” niall patted my shoulder. “just let us know what’s troublin’ ya, if anything.”

i nodded slowly, beginning to turn away. “alright.”

“alright, see ya on the other side.” he bounded back down the stairs after his bandmates.

still, i hadn’t quite gotten my one question answered by any of them, partially because i was too shy to ask anyone other than niall.

where in the world was harry?

night fell, and i found myself sitting alone in my room, having to overhear the loud conversations going on downstairs, primarily between louis and zayn, niall occasionally butting in with that pronounced irish tongue. they were having chinese takeout. gross.

i stared outside the window at the full moon. the storm seemingly ceased for just a brief moment, giving way to a sky crystal and blue, something i never thought i’d know again.

i could only trace a couple of stars, in the pattern of four congruent arrows. that was liam checking in on us.

i gave a wan smile back, with a tear in my eye. i did miss him, truly. i really could find him in the region of the summer stars, even when it was in the middle of a harsh and bitter winter.

somehow, the tears never stopped, even as i broke the glimpse, swiveling my head back to the door.

i looked around for a box of tissues, but there was none to be found.

the room was dark, but i didn’t feel like turning the light on.

this was the somber hour for me. it always occurred at night, when no one could see my bloodshot eyes, my insomniac mind racing, and i truly hated how i got those thoughts. how could you tell that small organ inside you to shut up? shouldn’t it carry more insignificance to me, less weight?

i got interrupted by a buzz i felt in my hoodie pocket.

i whipped my phone out to see a text from harry flash on my screen.

“you good?”

almost instantly following that, i heard a single barely-audible knock on my door.

i looked up, and in the moonlight streaming into the room from the window, a faint light shone on the figure standing in the doorway, propping himself against it.

i could almost see the corners of his lips turn up slightly as he wiggled his fingers in barely a wave, his other hand holding a barely-illuminated phone.

i smiled and allowed more tears to fall.

tears of happiness.

he was there the whole time, even when i wasn’t aware.

“you good?” harry mouthed to me, as if i hadn’t received the text in the first place, turning the waving hand into a thumbs-up gesture.

i hung my head down slightly and gave a small shake of the head.

not bothering to look up, i felt him sit cross-legged next to me on the bed, our knees nearly touching one another.

“what’s wrong?” he whispered, leaning into me with his hands folded in his lap.

i swallowed hard. “i miss him.” i nodded over to the window, at the arrows in the stars.

harry pursed his lips and nodded in thought. “we all do,” he softly mumbled in reply. “but we try not to think of it. we let ourselves focus on the happier times, the times that once existed, and flourished. we can look back on the past, and accept that… it was there, it happened, but the present, the now…” he pointed down with his finger, “is here to stay.” he paused for a moment. “as much as i wish it were possible, we can’t physically reverse the hands of time. but in our minds, we can produce an effect close enough, through mere reminiscing.”

i let an acceptable period of silence pass between us, a question floating from the recesses of my mind that i’d been meaning to ask, well, any of them. louis primarily, but harry was a good second route.

“do you… do you think li would have liked me?”

harry didn’t even have to consider it, nodding with a growing smile. “yeah. he would have adored you. you’re full of life, of light, of energy. you’ve got attributes that mirror his. although, obviously, you’re not him and there’s no replacing his soul and his spirit, as unique as it was… there’s a lot of liam in you. i wholeheartedly believe it.”

this made me cry all over again. i didn’t even come close to matching liam in any respect. i didn’t understand how i could even be worthy of that title. there was only one liam payne. i wasn’t liam 2.0. it just couldn’t even come close to sitting right in my mind.

so i shook my head at this. “you don’t mean it.”

“i wouldn’t say it if i didn’t mean it.” harry was studying how my lips morphed into a frown, how i refused to make eye contact, how i just kept focusing on my kneecaps, my shins, as i sat there.

“what makes you happy?” he suddenly asked me, tapping me with a gentle touch of the finger on the shoulder.

“uh…” even through my tumultuous thoughts, i could still carve a pathway for my universal, simple answer that i could always trust myself to give to this question, as often as i was asked it. “music,” i nodded.

“what kind of music?” his voice grew just a touch softer.

i shrugged. “your music… 80’s…”

“do you have a favorite artist you like to listen to?” i knew he was trying to distract me from my stress, from my sadness, trying to relieve the pressure through the placement of sunny thoughts in my mind.

“not really,” i shook my head. “lately i’ve been listening to michael jackson’s discography. or re-listening, rather. but i’m also into disco and yacht rock, maybe some love ballads, power ballads…”

“ah, so you go for genres rather than artists. interesting approach there,” he waggled a finger at me, smiling admirably.

“yeah,” i shrugged again. “i dunno.”

another period of silence, a bit more prolonged.

“what about… what about you?” i tried not to let the hesitation show, as i knew he was the type to instantly detect it. “what uh… what makes you happy?”

“i’m so happy you asked,” he gently replied, whipping out his own phone.

the lock screen was of a young girl who looked no more than two, smiling and happy in a sunny yellow dress.

i knew harry was very subtle and private when it came to sharing glimpses of his personal life, contrary to louis who always seemed to overshare (well, he overshared in general, which i always found humorous).

“is that… is that your daughter?” i asked, playing completely dumb.

“that’s my niece,” he replied with a warm smile, swiping up and immediately tapping on his camera roll.

he scrolled a bit back but landed right on the video he wanted to show me.

“this is from when i was babysitting a while ago,” he pressed play. “just look at her.”

it wasn’t even like i was seeing much, she was walking towards him with wobbly steps on a super-clean carpet.

“is that your sister’s house?” i asked.

harry nodded, swiping left to another video.

this one was almost identical, expect midway through she fell right down in front of him, and i could hear harry quietly laughing in the background.

“she loves me,” harry shook his head, trying to hide his smile, “she can’t get enough. she’ll always want to walk over to me, like, she’ll want me to check her out. like some fashion show,” he chuckled.

“future runway model,” i jokingly replied.

“mmm, right.” he showed me one more video, well, at least i thought it was going to be one more. it ended up being ten more. he had videos all the way from when she was only a few days old and just sleeping in her crib. just photos though, not videos.

“so you’re like the annoying aunt who won’t stop taking photos of their niece or nephew,” i laughed. “i’ve got one of those.”

“my mum likens me to it, yeah,” harry nodded with a soft chuckle. “but she deserves to have one of those. even if it’s me.”

“would you… would you want kids of your own one day?” i couldn’t help but ask, the thought pulsing up to the front of my mind.

harry sighed out slowly. “my time will come.” it was a simple answer, but maybe there was more behind it that he chose not to tell me.

he was quick to redirect the conversation, though.

“how about your fiancé and… have you guys talked about it at all… yet?”

“nahh,” i shook my head with a light giggle. “no way. i only know how to look after houseplants, and even so, i can barely do it.”

“no pressure, obviously,” harry laughed softly. “it’s not for everyone.” right then, he flipped back to his phone and showed me even *more* pictures of his niece.

“had to go to an exhibit right afterwards, unfortunately. for valentino. was a lovely show but… definitely missed being away from her. my sister too. her husband. they’re great parents. great people. my mum… bless her… she was born to be a grandmother. she handles it so well.” he had broke out into a fond grin, staring at his screen with even fonder eyes. “seeing her takes away some of the mental anguish that i’d be facing.”

“from li?”

harry nodded. “yeah.”

i thought for a minute. “you know… speaking of the relationship you guys have with each other… you always refer to each other as brothers. i like that.”

“yeah,” he quietly laughed, taking the time to reflect himself, “we’ve always been that way with one another. we are brothers. and louis will tell you too, y’know, like… he’ll say ‘we’re just brothers here,’ and that openness alone will make you feel so welcome.”

“well, i hope you guys don’t mind a little sister.” i felt a pinging in my heart as i said that, for some reason.

“never,” harry rubbed my back, moving a bit closer to me.

“i already feel welcome here,” i nodded. “very much welcome.”

“i’m glad you are.” he put his arm around me, which sent a shiver down my spine, followed by the most overwhelmingly warm feeling in my chest. i leaned into it as he held himself there.

i glanced in the direction of the door, still hearing a tiny bit of commotion. “did you not… have dinner down there with the rest of the boys?”

“oh, no,” he shook his head, “had a bowl of cereal for dinner. wasn’t feeling too hungry,” he rubbed his stomach. “haven’t really been feeling hot down there, anyway.”

i looked up into his eyes with a softened glance. “are you sick?”

he shrugged. “dunno. maybe it will pass in time. only one way to find out.”

“well don’t get *me* sick!” i laughed, pushing myself back from him, and this earned a quiet laugh from him in return.

then we both leaned back and flopped down on the bed, not even planning on it, but i suppose we could communicate telepathically in that second.

then i bit my lip, unsure whether or not i should say what was on my mind next.

“i’ve always wanted a big brother,” i whispered to harry, “ever since i was little. i… i’m an only child… it gets lonely…”

“mmm…” harry nodded thoughtfully, looking straight up to the ceiling.

i followed his gaze, sighing out softly.

“but like… you guys have your sisters already. louis’ got four of them, plus a brother… good lord,” i shook my head. “i don’t think i could ever handle that. zayn i think’s got three sisters… and you’ve got gemma…”

“niall’s parents are divorced, and he kinda sorta… broke contact… with his older brother, while back… i actually forget when he told me this, but, point being,” he turned to face me with a small smile, “i’m sure he’d love a sister more than any of us.”

“are you gonna tell niall that?”

“tell him what?”

“that i want to be his sister.”

“do you want me to?” harry chuckled. “no, you should tell him. speaks from the heart, and it’s your heart, not mine. y’know?”

“yeah,” i nodded, pursing my lips, “i get it.” then i looked around, as if niall was somehow also in the room with us. “where is he?” i turned back to harry. “surely they’re done eating now, right?”

“dunno, wanna check?”

as we both stood back up from the bed, i made sure to hug him one more time before we headed downstairs again, me leading the way, and harry barely able to keep up.

through the closest window, i could see louis and zayn sitting out front, presumably having another smoke.

but niall was all alone on the couch watching some netflix film.

i was nervous to tell him, honestly. i didn’t know what he would think. he’d probably laugh at the idea.

as soon as we got to the base of the stairs, harry took off in the other direction, towards the bathroom.

poor thing, i thought as i looked on with a worried glance. maybe he had a virus. i didn’t know.

then i turned my attention back to the couch, taking a deep breath in.

maybe he would think it was cute. that i was cute for thinking that.

oh well. it was now or never.

so i came around and sat on the far end. glancing over, i could see he was on the phone with his girlfriend. they could have facetimed. i wondered why they chose not to this time.

he must have felt the weight shift below his seat, because he turned his head to meet my eyes, suddenly muttering quickly into the speaker, “gotta go babe, love ya.” he waited for the “love you too” before he clicked off.

“hey,” he smiled and motioned with his finger for me to come closer.

“how’s your… how’s your girlfriend?” i asked as i slid next to him, suddenly not knowing what to say.

“she’s good! too far away, obviously,” he joked. “but uh… yeah. how ‘bout you? how’s your fiancé?”

“too far away,” i repeated with a laugh.

“ah, same boat then,” niall laughed with me.

i tried to think of a proper way to bring up what harry had wanted me to say to him.

“you miss your family at all?” i asked. “you ever miss them?”

“erm… yeah, well, certainly, i mean… i…” he sighed, “i do miss them, sure.”

“do you contact them a lot?” i asked.

“certainly.”

“do they contact you a lot?”

“ehh… nah, not really,” he waved it off with a nervous chuckle. “but they’re busy with their personal lives, i get it, honestly.”

but for some reason, even though he was smiling about it, my mind was tinged with sadness over thinking that… he was probably used to it. i bet that’s why he spoke to his girlfriend so much, and liked having her in his company. normalcy had been a foreign term to all of them for what seemed like forever. being away from any familiarity must have come as a shock a long time ago. now… they’d been through that trial so many times to the point where they were numb of feeling, of longing. it was painful to even fathom, how i was on track to become the next one of them.

those anxious thoughts were looming, always on the verge of racing in my mind at the most inconvenient of times. i wasn’t sure if i was ready for that.

“i miss my family,” i lamented to niall, nodding slowly and in thought, eyes rolling up to the ceiling. “my fiancé is part of it, sure, but… i grew up with my parents, and nobody else in the house. i grew up not knowing a sibling, what a sibling was like, what having one was like…” i hated how my voice grew shaky in that moment.

“yeah,” niall chuckled, “but you probably wouldn’t want one. my brother and i, when we were younger, we were crazy, driving our parents off the rails.”

“yeah, and i was too good of a child. i got far too much attention from my parents. i was spoiled, really.”

“i’m sure you were,” niall laughed.

“no, but like…” i shook my head, “i hated attention, and i still do. nobody in my family seemed to understand that. and i was too shy to tell them.” i sighed a shaky breath out softly, “i’ve always been shy. always.”

“me too,” niall nodded in agreement. “even as a performer, as someone who’s gotta grace that stage with all those fans for multiple nights at a time. it’s crazy to think about, i know. but… that’s what’s going on inside.” he tapped his temple with his finger. “and all of us can relate to it.”

i inched a bit closer to him.

“my biggest wish is that i had someone to always turn to who actually… understood how i was feeling, just like…” i swallowed, “just like a sibling would.”

“aw,” niall put an arm around me. “well, i tell you what. out of all of us, you look the most like liam. really. i mean it. and you wanna know what he told me once? just completely off-hand?” he waved his hand to the side as he said it.

“w-what?” i stammered.

“man… i would love it if i had a little sister.” he mimicked his voice to make it sound like liam’s thick wolverhampton accent. it made me giggle ever so slightly. but the words touched me. i was set to cry all over again.

“do you mean it? really?” i found myself blurting out loud to him.

“yeah,” he smiled warmly, “and it’s amazing how i still have had fond recollection of it. like it… like it just happened yesterday.” now it was his turn to swallow hard.

and again, it simply felt too good to be true.

how could liam want someone like me in his life.

i went to bed that night still shaking my head at that mystery.

and when i woke up the next morning, i found myself in a fetal position, clinging onto my pillow, with two wet stains where my eyes had touched, feeling my nose run and tears fall down my cheeks.

teardrops are falling

on your face again

cause i don’t know how to love you

when i am broken too…

“remyyy!!!” i heard louis exclaim in a chipper voice as i heard his feet scurry to the door and his fist knock loudly quite a few times.

“uh… good morning?” i had to snort, seeing how he came bounding in my room like a little kid high on sugar. he never outgrew that, even as the oldest.

“yeah, so we were thinking…” he crept closer to me and instantly noticed the state of my face. “heyy…” his expression softened as he bent down in front of me and took my hand in his. “don’t cry… what’s got you like this?”

i shook my head, unable to produce a steady answer. “i… i dunno… i was crying all night last night.”

“aw, c’mere darling,” he sat me up as he sat next to me on the bed, bringing me in for a light hug. “you’re gonna hang with us majority of the day, yeah? you wanna play some footie out back?” he pretended to kick a ball about as he said it. “just gonna be you’n me, i’m afraid, unless i can convince zayn. harry an’ niall’ve gone out to the gym already, y’know them, early risers an’ all.”

i thought for a moment. “what’s zayn like to do?” i asked.

“ah, shit, i dunno,” louis shrugged, “guess he likes to draw, play pc games. write stuff. does that sound more fun to you?” he pretended to look and sound offended as he said it, which made me break out into a grin.

“no, no,” i laughed, “hanging with you sounds fun. i just… didn’t know…” i sighed, “guess it’s just gonna be us.”

as i started to lift myself up, louis immediately grabbed my wrist and brought me back down, “no no wait… what do *you* like to do? you can tell me, it’s okay!”

“what do i like to do?” i repeated with a nervous quiet laugh, blushing slightly at the question. i didn’t expect him to even care about what i liked to do as recreation, as hobby, if you could even count it as that. “well, uh…” i tried not to sound too nervous, as i was unsure whether it was worthy of explanation, “i like to listen to music and dance, primarily, and write stories. i get inspired by music a lot of times, it’s what keeps me going. besides that, i… i like to swim. i like to rollerblade. i did do karate but… it’s been a while.”

“ah, neat!” louis backhanded me, “how high up are you? like what rank?”

“second degree black belt,” i replied in the most casual way possible.

“fuckin ‘ell, get outta ‘ere!” louis slapped a hand to his chest. “now *please* tell me i was the first person to learn about that just now. please tell me that!”

“yeah,” i laughed, “although didn’t harry take jiu jitsu like a while back? or was i just seeing an article about it?”

“i believe so, you’d have to double check with him but…” suddenly he got up and bolted down the hall, yelling “zayn! you’re not gonna believe this!!!”

i rolled my eyes, checking my texts.

from niall: “morning sunshine :) harry wanted me to tell you that we’ve gone out to the gym for a little while. we typically do that early morning. i know you’re probably not that type, which is valid lol. hope you got a good night’s rest! see ya soon! ~nialler <3”

i smiled and texted back, “have fun doing whatever boys do at the gym… ~remster <3” i knew that was going to be our thing from here on out. i still needed to figure out a thing for me and louis, that would be quick to figure out, everything just came naturally with him. harry’s and zayn’s would each come with time.

“what the fuck,” i suddenly heard a deep voice from my doorway. looking up, i saw zayn propped against there. “when were you gonna tell us? that’s fuckin’ sick.”

“oh god,” i rolled my eyes, laughing. “i know it sounds like quite a feat to you all.”

“no, it is,” he nodded, looking serious as ever, it almost made me laugh. “you gonna show us some moves sometime?”

i tensed up at this, unsure of whether to show them anything. i was super wary of showing off my karate skills in general to total strangers, i just didn’t want to come off as the showing-off type. i wanted to remain humble about my acquired expertise.

“eh,” i shrugged with a smile, “maybe sometime. but yeah, i’ve done it for a while now. fourteen years and counting.”

“shit, that is a long time.”

“you’re impressed?” i raised a skeptical eyebrow at him, playfully of course.

“yeah,” he breathed out, shaking his head. “now help me wrangle up louis and we’ll figure out what the hell to do before the others get back from their little workout.”

i smiled, getting up and joining him. “sounds good to me.”

[inkywarden]

This is a long one (fr sorry in advance) but it seems I can't quite put this out of my mind. I've never really listened to One Direction, even if I as a now 32 year old, probably was in the main target audience. I never got the hype, or much more likely, I never attempted to get the hype. I remember seeing them everywhere, and since I do have eyes, I noticed they were good looking boys. I also remember (silently mind you, I was much too edgy for 1D at this point) quickly finding my fav. He looked kind, he had a nice laugh and kind eyes. He was gorgeous, with the kind of smile I fear I will never see again. Tbh I have gone until last week without listening to, or even thinking much about 1d since. I do remember him though, Liam. I've seen him in the news, on social media, and again since I do have eyes, I noticed how the boy with the beautiful smile turned in to a very, very (like extremly??? hello?) handsome man. A man who still had the most genuine, contagious smile. A smile that always spread to his eyes. That was pretty much it for my knowledge of this band, and this man, until last week.

I saw it in the news, and it made no sense to me. How did we go from there to here? I felt.. something, still unsure what exactly. I later saw my old university post a memorial type post about him on facebook. My old university being the University of Wolverhampton, where I graduated as an illustrator in 2015. That's two things, two coincidences that weirdly made me feel more connected to this stranger. The unexplained, undefined feelings I was having suddenly felt heavier. This is when I hyperfixated and consumed just about everything there is to consume about this band, and this man. I'm still not a 1D fan, but I can now, after all these years say I get it. I've seen and read so much about this man and his life now, ups and downs. In the end, tragically, it seemed to be most of the latter in later years.

Most notably, and this actually broke my heart, I noticed how that genuine, beautiful smile that used to spread across his entire face, at some point stopped reaching his eyes. This is sad, it is tragic, and it is infuriating.

The time leading up to, and the aftermath both - the takes i'm seeing out here is wild and lacking in nuance. It feels like everything always is weighed in extremes, and it is neither fair or realistic. I dont know if I feel this way due to my own personal experiences and struggles with mental health, substance and/or alcohol abuse, or if its because this is the field I am soon graduating (career change dw) to work in, and I see many of these issues close up daily. These issues are things I would argue always goes hand in hand, and it is a never a choice one makes. It is a disease. I will never have anything in common with internet people today, and I will never understand this. Whatever the reasons. I will not speculate further. What I choose to believe in and live by is whatever the circumstance, people suffering from these issues deserve some grace. It is hard, constantly, and every day. No one chooses to stay in this illness, and even if they do manage to get out, it is almost impossible to stay out.

Whatever people have done, that is still just an aspect of a whole. A single line on a piece of paper, a small piece of a bigger, much more complex picture. We are more than the worst thing we have ever done. I have to believe this, both for my own sake and for the sake of others. Life is not black and white, it exists in shades of grey.

I am confused about the range of feelings i've experienced over this, and I'm still unsure why I'm affected to this degree but here we are.

I am sad, I am frustrated, I am disappointed and I am angry. Most of all my heart breaks for Liam, who never got the chance to get better, heal, and find his smile again. I also feel actual despair at the thought of this man, that young boy, passing away thinking the world hates him. There's no fixing that now. He is gone. Please, I beg you to be kinder next time. Show some compassion. Give some grace, be kind or at the very least be quiet.

I'm not even sure why I felt the need to post this, as I mentioned before I never had a horse in this race. The only opinion I ever settled on before this last week was that if I, in an alternate universe was a Directioner, I would be a Liam girly. It appears, after all these years, I still am. I dont know what comes when life ends, but I hope you find your smile again. Whatever else, you deserved so much more than this. You were a complex piece, but still so, so beautiful.

You meant so much to so many, and I wish you could have known that in the end.

Rest in peace, Liam. 🎤🎨💙

[allwaswell16]

One Direction fics where one main character is a servant to the other main character as requested in this ask. If you enjoy the fics, please leave kudos and comments for the writers! You can find my other fic recs here. Happy reading!

—Louis/Harry—

🫧 Truth Behind Golden Eyes by MyEnglishRose / @lwtisloved

(E, 228k, servant Louis) A Fantasy AU loosely inspired by Merlin BBC where one relationship has the power to define the destiny of the whole land.

🫧 The Murmur of Yearning by MediaWhore / @mediawhorefics

(M, 93k, land steward Louis) The sudden, and slightly suspicious, death of the Marquess of Haxshire, however, brings great disturbance to Crescentfield Hall and, as his late's husband's closest male relative, Harry unexpectedly finds himself the head of a family he never felt he belonged to. 

🫧 Shooting Stars in the Woods by frenchkiss

(E, 81k, knight Harry) A Tudor era AU. Prince Louis I of England has everything a man could ever dream of, but his lack of husband is driving his father, the King, to madness.

🫧 Behind The Lights by Tomlinsontoes / @pianolouis

(M, 61k, maid Louis) Inspired by Maid in Manhattan, but not the same at all.

🫧 When The Wolves Come Out (series) by NiamJenn1994

(E, 54k, alpha servant Harry) A sort of Bonnie and Clyde AU series with A/B/O thrown in the mix.

🫧 To Be a King Beside You by hilarry13

(E, 32k, royal au) Harry scrambled to his feet quickly and bowed. “Your majesty” Harry mumbled, not making eye contact but instead staring at the ground. “Please forgive me- I was just- um-I’m sorry”. Harry guiltily tried to hide the half made flower crown behind his back.

🫧 dip you in honey by delsicle / @eeveelou

(E, 28k, a/b/o) Anxious about his performance on his wedding night, he enlists the help of his loyal handmaiden Louis to help him practice everything he needs to know

🫧 a dream is a wish your heart makes by orphan_account

(T, 22k, royal au) Fairytale retelling of Cinderella, where Harry is a servant boy who's too kind, Louis is a prince in an arranged marriage, Liam is Harry's step brother, and Niall is Louis' dutiful grand duke.

🫧 Away From Home by @marchessa

(E, 12k, shipwreck au) the one, where Harry is a servant to the Tomlinson family and he ends up as one of the lone survivors of a shipwreck. But maybe he can still find paradise in the tragedy.

🫧 If I Had One Wish I Know What I'd Wish For by @hilourry

(E, 10k, royal au) Louis is the new servant at the Styles’ castle, and Harry is the Prince of England.

🫧 Maid in the A.M. by @lainy122

(E, 9k, famous/not famous) “You’re not supposed to be here.” The lad frowned at him.“Sorry,” Harry said automatically. Which, wait. No, that wasn’t right. “Um, actually, I sort of live here?”

🫧 The King's Omega by HunterMay18

(M, 8k, servant Harry) An omega with a really dark past becomes the King's new love interest.

—Rare Pairs—

🫧 If I Fall For You, Would You Fall Too? by @slashter

(E, 29k, Louis/Harry/Zayn) the one where Louis is a uni dropout who's just managed to land a new job as a housemaid, and he ends up getting to clean the shared apartment of well-known socialites Harry and Zayn

🫧 wish I could be (part of your world) by carbsoncarms

(E, 3k, Zayn/Liam) Zayn Malik is a servant at the palace of the Wolverhampton kingdom, and Liam Payne is the said kingdom's crowned prince. 

[sweetdreamsjeff]

Jeff Buckley March 2, 1995 Wulfrun

Set List:

Dream Brother

So Real

Last Goodbye

Grace

Eternal Life

Kick Out the Jams

What Will You Say

Lilac Wine

All That I Ask

Mojo Pin

Lover, You Should've Come Over

Hallelujah

Vancouver

Kanga Roo

Venue History:

1990s

During the decade an incredible 1,271 performances were given:

On November 6 1991, just 756 people were in the Wulfrun Hall to see Nirvana play what was to be one of their last gigs in the UK.

The Wulfrun Hall was host to the first of Blur's many visits to Wolverhampton. The band played to 483 fans in the October of 1993.

756 Oasis fans came along for the Manchester band in August '94.

There were very few Britpop bands that didn't play in Wolverhampton – just some of the other nineties names included Pulp, The Charlatans, Cast, Shed Seven, Elastica, Space, Dodgy, The Boo Radleys, Kenickie and Sleeper.

Female musicians were also taking centre stage during the decade with acts including Bjork, Hole, Suzanne Vega, Garbage, Sleeper, Tori Amos, Skunk Anansie, Elastica, Echobelly and Babes in Toyland rocking the halls.

American rock acts also travelled to the halls during the nineties, with performances from Nine Inch Nails, Marilyn Manson, Smashing Pumpkins, Soundgarden and Green Day. Former Nirvana drummer Dave Grohl returned to Wolverhampton in '95 and '97 when his band Foo Fighters played to sell-out crowds.

More pop acts including Robbie Williams, Boyzone and Backstreet Boys made sure audiences were bopping while artists such as Salt-N-Pepa, Public Enemy, Naughty by Nature, Cypress Hill and Ice-T and Body Count brought rap and hip-hop to The Halls.

---

From: @darrenashton957 On YouTube

769 views? I was at this gig and Jeff and the band were incredible. It is impossible to do it justice with words, he just blew us all away. I knew we were witnessing something very special. Obviously his voice is like no other, but he had an amazing presence on stage and total commitment.

@chrisseventeen Just one of the greatest gigs I ever saw - a treacherous solo drive to Wolverhampton through ridiculous snow made more than worthwhile by the tightest rockingest band i’d Seen in years. Thanks for posting this gem of a show. Snowball fights with Beastie Boys fans after the show......

@frankdonnelly5475 I made this recording. Takes me right back there to that snowy night in Wolverhampton every time I hear it. Jeff in a half full Wulfrun Hall while a sold out Civic Hall next door hosted the Beastie Boys. People who witnessed Jeff's magic surely had the more unforgettable experience. Thanks Jeff - 21 years gone.

[mooseyspooky]

Spooky!

I have 2 nosy questions: 21 and 44.

😉🌟

21: What I love most about myself

I'm driven. If I want something I try and commit to it. I also really love being able to come with new smut ideas at the drop of a hat. Really handy, that, if I'm honest with you

44: A random fact about anything

I've never had a long term relationship with an American. My first relationship lasted 7 years and was with a boy from just outside Birmingham, near Wolverhampton, and I'm currently in an open nesting relationship/long distance marriage with a transgirl from Dublin, Ireland. We've been together for a little over 6 years.

[influencermagazineuk]

Fans were deeply moved during Zayn Malik's recent performance in Wolverhampton, where he paid an emotional tribute to his former One Direction bandmate, Liam Payne. The heartfelt moment occurred on November 29 during Malik's debut headline solo tour. Wolverhampton, Payne’s hometown, served as the backdrop for a deeply personal and touching acknowledgment of his late friend and colleague. At 31, Malik has been enchanting audiences with his first solo tour since he left the globally successful boy band in 2015. He quit the group due to the need to take care of his mental health and have a private life. Malik's return to the stage has been all about powerful performances and raw emotional moments, such as when he sang a tribute to Payne. At The Halls in Wolverhampton, Malik stopped to speak to the audience. "I've been doing something at the end of every show," he said. "It's dedicated to my brother Liam Payne. Rest in peace. I hope you're seeing this. We're in your hometown tonight, Wolverhampton, and this is for you, Liam." The words from him and the weight in his voice were so poignant for so many fans. For all who saw, it stood not only as Malik's sadness but also a testament to how strong a bond remained between former bandmates. Ianthebush, CC BY 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0, via Wikimedia Commons Zayn Malik and Liam Payne were members of the phenomenon that was One Direction, a group created for The X Factor UK in 2010. Along with Harry Styles, Niall Horan, and Louis Tomlinson, they achieved unprecedented global success. Their meteoric rise had chart-topping albums, sold-out stadium tours, and an intense level of fame that very few could truly comprehend. Despite leaving the group in 2015, Malik often talked of the complexities of fame and issues it brought. So also does Payne, being quite forthcoming about his problems within this limelight, from talking issues with mental health and living an always-on life within public vision. Malik's tribute has been an undying testimony of their deep bond as they both went ahead with their life and careers following different paths. It is a poignant reminder of the friendships they had when they were in One Direction, something that no time and distance would tear apart. Tragedy in Buenos Aires On October 16, Liam Payne tragically died when he plunged to his death from the balcony of his third-floor Buenos Aires, Argentina hotel room. Fans and friends were left in shock at such news, with mourning pouring out across the planet. Following Payne's death, Malik delayed his tour so he could come to terms with this loss. After getting back out there, he started closing each show by paying a tribute to Payne. His words and actions stand as a memorial to his friend in ways which deeply resonate with audiences to honor Payne's memory and legacy. Addressing his Wolverhampton show, Malik said, "Rest in peace. I hope you're seeing this." This moment was charged with emotional feel, reflecting not only the pain of his loss but the collective mourning of fans that have grown up watching One Direction grow up. Malik's solo tour, aptly titled Stairway to the Sky, has been a journey not only into his musical evolution but also his personal growth. Having performed in cities such as London, Manchester, and Leeds, it was both artistic triumph and emotional catharsis. Adding Payne's tribute to all the performances, Malik shares that intimacy with fans and makes them feel closer to him. These gestures also display his vulnerability where the fans not just enjoy an artist but see a human being behind the music. For many fans, tributes have become their way of collectively mourning and, in the meantime, celebrating Payne's life. Social media sites are filled with messages of support to Malik, but also pay homage to the memory of Payne. Fans are sharing clips of performances by Malik, with many commenting on the raw emotion in his voice and the heartfelt nature of the words. A Legacy That Lives On While the world mourns the loss of Liam Payne, moments like Malik’s tribute ensure that his legacy lives on. Payne's impact on the music world, his fans, and his former bandmates is undeniable. In Malik's words, "This is for you, Liam," there is deep weight. They are a testament to how the guys in One Direction are sticking together and, more importantly, a reminder of the human aspect that cannot be lost in the glitz and glamour. As Malik moves forward with his tour, these tributes are sure to stay at the very heart of his concerts and performances. Through words and songs, he keeps Payne's memory alive to give his fans a way to celebrate his life and mourn his passing together. This was more so for Wolverhampton, his hometown. It connected him both to his roots and to the fans who had been with him since the start. It was one of those performances that people would never forget—a night full of emotions, music, and memories of a life that had touched so many. Read the full article

[seasurfacefullofclouds1]

why was otra cleveland not an easy time for them?

OTRA Cleveland was 28 Aug 2015. In August 2015, One Direction had just announced they were “going on hiatus.” OTRA tour after Zayn left was always somewhat chaotic. They were trying to tour one album while another album was being recorded and readying for promo— even though they were going on break. I think Freddie’s pregnancy was announced in July 2015 and fandom was still hot on the topic. Liam also admitted to drinking heavily on tour, having lots of mental anxiety. Xander Ritz was following Harry around the USA during OTRA, I believe traveling on the Azoff’s private plane at times.

In October 2015, Liam’s interview with Attitude would come out, for Sexiest Man of the Year.

“It’s been five years and it’s time to take a well-earned break.” Liam will later tell us. “Of course, we’ll work together again; we’re not splitting up. We’re just having some time out.”

While long-haired larrikin Harry Styles is recognised by the press as the band’s hottest guy, it’s actually moody-looking Liam, 22, from Wolverhampton, who has caught the eyes of us gay men. Since he cropped his Bieber fringe in favour of a rugged crop, Liam’s blossomed from a teenage boy to a handsome, self-assured man.

But it’s not just his dashing teen idol looks that have captivated us so much; so too has his surly take on life. He may come across as the ‘practical’ Gary Barlow type, but he’s certainly not scared to say what’s on his mind, a refreshingly honest trait that has occasionally landed him in hot water.

This next part was the part that got Liam all kinds of fandom hatred, as you can imagine:

Do you see your fans being more liberated?

When the law changed in the U.S., there were loads of rainbow flags flying at our shows, but I think that was mainly because people think of the Louis and Harry thing [that they’re secret lovers], which is absolutely nuts and drives me insane.

Why does it drive you insane? Jealous much?

No, nothing like that. It’s like when you know the ins and outs of what is going on with people it’s just annoying when it’s so stupid. It becomes like a conspiracy or like a cult, the people who watch them and think that every move they make is a gesture toward them being together, and I know it’s just not true and it makes me mad.

Where do those rumours come from?

I think it was when Louis and Harry started living together. The thing is, we as a band mess around with each other. There are certain terms and phrases that we use that we all think are funny that people misunderstand. It’s so funny to be on the inside of it because you know what’s what and then you hear all these crazy theories.

I can imagine it must be frustrating.

Well, just imagine you’re the man who lands on the moon and you come home to hear people saying you didn’t – naturally, you’d get agitated. ‘Cos you know what they’re saying is not true.

Well, Louis is going to be a dad…

Yes, indeed, and he’s very happy about becoming a dad. But the funny thing is, there are some people out there who think that Louis getting Briana pregnant is fake. That it’s not real; it’s a cover up. And that’s the sort of shit that gets to me. But you have to hold your tongue and that’s fine. I mean, it’s not really any of my business anyway.

Even though the fans are young, they are quite knowledgeable about sex.

I get a lot of drawings sent to us on the internet. I get tagged in drawings of Louis and Harry being together. I remember this one time I was sitting next to my dad and I see this picture of me on top of Niall, which was quite intimidating. It’s just really weird to have people drawing these sexually explicit pictures of us in strange situations.

Especially as these girls are so young. Some as young as ten.

I don’t think it’s the right hobby for these girls to be enjoying. I find it very strange that someone so young can think up these stories or even imagine these things are going on. That for me is the sad and sorry side of what we have done.

Then the Belfast concert got cancelled, the first time ever in One Direction history. It was a chaotic time, for sure.

[themultifandomgal]

From 2010- The Start Of The Live Shows

2010

Part 3

Nervous is not the right word to describe how I’m feeling for the first live show. We’ve been rehearsing everyday and night. We’ve gotten to know each other really well in such a short amount of time and I’m so lucky to be in a group where we all actually get along. At first I think it was a little weird for them having a girl in the group, but we know that if we do well in this competition then we will have to just get used to being around the opposite sex. I just get off the phone with my dad and walk back into Harry and Liams shared room where everyone else is

“YN we’re needed to film our VT”

“Ok let me just run to my room and slap some makeup on”

“You don’ need any” Harry says. I give him a small smile

“Thank you, but I’m in a group of good looking lads, that girls will fall head over heals with. I don’t want to be the slob of the group. I’ll be 5 minutes, tops” I quickly go to my room opposite and put on a little foundation, blush and mascara, nothing crazy just enough to make me look alive. Then we all head to the room where VTs are being filmed. I sit on the floor between Zayn and Liam

“I’m Louis, I’m 18 I’m from Doncaster”

“M’Harry, m’ 16 and m’Cheshire”

“I’m Niall I’m 17 and I’m from Mullingar in Ireland”

“I’m Liam, I’m 17 and I’m from Wolverhampton”

“I’m YN in 16 and I’m from Shrewsbury”

“I’m zayn I’m 17 and from Bradford. When we were practicing this song I was off time with the music. Obviously I can’t make a mistake like that on the live show”

“We’ll be ok” I smile at Zayn next to me. Once our VT filming is over we’re told to go and rest up ready for our first live show tomorrow.

Nervously we stand waiting to be introduced. My hands are shaking while holding on to the microphone. I take some deep breath trying to settle my nervous stomach

“We’ve got this” Niall puts his arm around my shoulders and gives me a squeeze.

We get into positions and music starts playing. The stage is revealed in front of us and we start singing Rule The World. During the song all of us become more and more comfortable and confident, especially when seeing Simons smiling face.

“Well guys I loved what you did with the song, you made it your own. I love how YNs voice stands out, but also blends with the rest of you. Well done” Louis says smiling

“You look like you fit together. You look like the perfect band. When I heard that there was going to be a girl in a boy band I was confused” Danni laughs “but it works”

“I have to agree with Danni. You look fantastic you sound good but I can tell you just a little more time getting to know one another and get comfortable with each other, but that will come with time. I am so happy that Simon agree to have you YN because although I couldn’t see you as a solo artist, I couldn’t see you and your talent go. You fit in so well”

“We took a risk and what was so impressive is how you help each other. I know YN you’ve been very nervous today and yes you could hear that in your vocals, but you all supported one another and that’s what a band does. It was brilliant”

Thankfully we stay in the show week after week and we are so so grateful.