#Jungkook holiday oneshot

[jiminrings]

pink sapphire

pairing: jungkook x reader

wordcount: 11k

glimpse: having jungkook for a husband is great as far as arranged marriages could go; he's easy to love. your relationship's perhaps become so easy that jungkook doesn't think sometimes — and that's what makes it the easiest for you to hate him.

alternatively, you and jungkook married each other for business, but the both of you stay for love.

[ angst, arranged marriage au, fluff n really wholesome scenes (it cancels out the angst i swear), Jungkook Tries Hard (affectionate), miscommunication, jealousy, self-deprecation, sexual innuendos (no actual smut here!!), did i already say that jungkook tries rlly hard and is remorseful the whole time ]

notes: my year-ender fic for 2022 :) thank u for being here — i'm grateful for all ur love n support!! i'll see u in the next one <3

as always, lmk what you think <3 send in feedback n love to my askbox anytime!!

Jungkook’s a vocal person.

Your husband does not leave a single thought unspoken, sometimes his thinkpieces too impulsive that when he says them in public, you try to play it off by either distancing yourself with him or from him.

“I think the world would be just fine even if all the bees disappear,” Jungkook once said to you with conviction, midway into chewing his cheeseburger. “There’s articles about it proving otherwise but they’re too long for my attention span, but yeah, I don’t think it would be that bad, y’know?” he giggles, looking up at the ceiling in serious thought. “If anything, the Bee Movie taught us that-…” 

Jungkook yelps automatically when you pinch his thigh, your hand sternly gripping his knee like both your reputations depended on it (they really did). “Jungkook, we’re literally in a climate change gala right now.”

“I don’t think coffee’s ever that serious. Seriously, world barista championships? New techniques in supposedly making the best cup of coffee when you’re all just gonna shit it ten minutes later? It’s not that deep,” Jungkook once whispered to you in urgency, his annoyance through the roof. He’s glued to your side, intent on whispering all about his irritation.

“Jungkook, I’m begging you,” you wince, screwing your eyes shut and slowly moving the two of you to the far end of the room. “We were literally right next to your uncle whose new wife is the organizer for that very championship you’re shitting on.”

“We need to talk about the tote bag epidemic,” Jungkook once whisper-yelled to you in a rush, holding you by the arm because he just can’t contain his inner thoughts any longer. You’re thankful, sure, that you’re your husband’s go-to person for all of his random thoughts; it’s just that he picks the worst settings to tell them to you.

“They look kinda tacky, everybody deludes themselves that they’re functional even if they have zero pockets, and-…”

“And you just offended atleast three different age groups and all of them are in this café. We need to leave.”

Jungkook’s endearing this way, raw and a tad bit annoying. He’s expressive as much as he’s vocal, his hand slotted on your waist like second nature to him. Being married to him isn’t bad. Sure, the circumstances of your union in the first place were for business anyway, but the both of you understood and agreed at the end of the day. By all means, he’s ideal — ideal until he opens his mouth when he’s sleeping.

If there’s anything that your two years of marriage (and counting) to Jungkook makes you realize, it’s that you should value your peace and sanity more than anything.

“Are you trying to kill me?”

Jungkook groggily asks you with one eye open, conveniently seeing you in the act of hovering around him with an ominous object in your hand. Maybe it’s the sleep in his eyes or the fog in his brain, but when you look at him like this– bothered and passionately frustrated, it makes him love you even more.

“No,” you mutter, the snoring mouth strip in your hands just begging to be put on already. “I’m trying to make you quiet.”

“Isn’t that the same thing?”

Perhaps it’s the sleep in your eyes or the fog in your brain, but you swear you just saw your husband crack a smirk despite keeping you up multiple nights a week, especially for the past month. He’s not endearing tonight, not at all.

“Isn’t marriage all about accepting each other’s flaws?” Jungkook frowns, about to turn on his side when you put your knee to block him.

“We’re arranged,” you deadpan. “I can’t accept you snoring with bass and reverb every night, Jungkook. I can barely sleep.”

“But didn’t you tell me you like it when I make noises?” Jungkook glares playfully. Bringing up your sex life with him out of the blue almost always does the trick, but it probably won’t work tonight now that you’re only awake and breathing heavily from sheer annoyance. “That you adore me whenever I tell you how much I love it?”

“Jungkook,” you hiss, tempted to flick him on the forehead in his sleep repeatedly so he’ll wake up with a mark. “Will you let me put the snoring strip on you or do we divorce?”

“Divorce,” he sighs out, a pinch instantly placed on his thigh that makes him jolt and squeak anyway. Jungkook whines, correcting himself when your hand hovers his chest this time. “Divorcing is bad!”

“Mhmm. Good night, Kook.”

You vibrate just by the prospect of sleeping peacefully tonight without the walls in the house being shaken up by your husband’s snores, tucking yourself in with an exhale that could last for minutes.

“Mmh-hmm!”

Jungkook could only pathetically whine through the mouth strip, resigning to his fate as he just spoons you from behind and huffs.

“What’s that? You want to wear snoring strips every night?” you chuckle, going to sleep with a smile. “What a nice husband.”

( ♡ )

Every now and then, you and Jungkook have to take a refresher course on each other’s businesses. The both of you know a lot already, constant conversations about which meetings happened where and reminders for events that the other will clear up their schedule for.

There’s already the concern and the general knowledge — it’s just all in the technicalities (even the simplest ones) that the two of you are lacking on.

“Is this a mock neck or a crewneck?” Jungkook holds up a shirt that’s yet to be released, eyebrows raised as if waiting for you to mess up. Come to think of it, you have to know now because his family’s holding company had acquired yet another brand and there’ll be a televised event for it — and some reporters ask the stupidest questions to date. You can’t be the weakest link.

“I wanna say neither,” you clear your throat, biting your bottom lip in confusion. It’s a shirt with a collar and that’s the only thing that matters. You know there’s a name for it and there’s a possibility that the choices Jungkook gave you were all bluffs.

Your answer definitely seems to pique both Jungkook’s interest and amusement, resisting the urge to laugh.

“Elaborate.”

“It’s neither of the two. It’s uhm, in the middle?” you tilt your head, only praying that you could bullshit your explanation to your husband, the very person that created the garment. “It’s an all-new neckline created by Jeon Jungkook because that’s what his label is all about.”

Flattering, but really wrong.

“Cool,” he snickers, nodding to himself before he tosses it for you to catch. “It’s a crewneck though.”

“What? Then why did you make me elaborate?” you complain, scoffing to yourself because you know you should’ve went with that answer. Crewnecks should be easy enough to answer but for some reason (read: you stayed up last night watching new-money elitist reality shows instead of studying), you couldn’t answer.

“To see how good you can run away with your answer, duh.”

“And did I run away with it?”

“You ran away with it for like, four meters,” Jungkook commends you, the distance not all that bad in hindsight, atleast until he opens his mouth again. “There’s a hundred meters in total.”

Trivial things like quiz night on each other’s professions remind you that Jungkook’s nice to be with. Banter flows easily and he’s just so charming that so far, you haven’t deeply regretted a single day out of the two years you’ve been married.

You may not be able to name all the different fabrics, silhouettes, and techniques behind Jungkook’s very own streetwear brand, but you know that he likes being held when he’s asleep; that when he taps your thigh groggily after waking up in the middle of the night, it’s him very kindly asking you to rub circles on his back until he falls asleep.

“Okay, my turn!”

Your glass table almost shakes in excitement when you retrieve your sketches, making your husband all the more nervous because you look genuinely excited and he doesn’t want to disappoint you. He doesn’t have the room for error — your family’s jewelry brand turns 100 years old since the opening of its first shop and the event will be widely attended by everyone from all industries. Who’s to say that your eccentric grandfather won��t suddenly host a quizbee all about their craft?

You flash the paper quickly and your husband sighs in relief, grinning in confidence.

“Emerald cut, easy!” 

The confidence is quickly washed out from Jungkook because you snort, putting the paper down.

“It’s an octagon cut.”

“No it’s not,” he immediately retorts in disbelief, squinting at the sketch you’ve set down already.

“I sketched these,” you narrow your eyes. You forgot just how quick Jungkook can keep himself in denial. “Emerald cuts have more depth to them."

He succumbs just as quickly as he turned stubborn though, rolling his eyes with the internal reminder to touch up on his jewelry knowledge because your event comes before his.

“Fine, sue me for thinking your drawings have depth and dynamic to them.”

“You’re buttering me up.”

“Is it working?” Jungkook blinks owlishly, proud of himself when he sees the corner of your lips twitching. He holds his arm out to sling across your waist out of instinct, pleased in pink when you lean into him.

“Barely.”

Jungkook frowns, nosing into your hair with a huff. “Look who’s talking. You made up an all-new neckline by yourself.”

“Shh,” you hum. “Let me get away with it.”

These moments of domesticity are what remind you that Jungkook’s never been less than ideal for you. That despite being in the same social circle as kids and only starting off as friends, you weren’t hesitant when both your grandparents suggested the idea of getting the two of you married.

In trivial and domestic moments like these, you think that you would’ve wanted to marry Jungkook even if you weren’t arranged.

“I let you get away with a lot of things,” he playfully huffs, resting his chin on your shoulder intentionally heavy to get you to cave deeper into his embrace.

“Because I barely wrong you!” you reason, rolling your eyes because you know for a fact that although you’re not a perfect wife, you’re beyond ideal.

“I know,” Jungkook rolls his eyes this time, the truth undeniable. You’re right; you’re so perfect for him that sometimes, he thinks he doesn’t deserve you.  “How about me? Will you let me get away with a lot of things?”

“I already have,” you sing-song, narrowing your eyes playfully as if in deep warning. “But I won’t always do.”

( ♡ )

Jungkook first realized that you loved him when he missed a single step on the staircase and tumbled a whole flight.

It was 3 AM then, the reason behind his sudden trip downstairs being the fever you developed overnight when you had just gotten home from a ski trip. He had put a wet towel in the freezer in the afternoon and he was supposed to put it on you before you went to sleep. Jungkook must’ve beat himself up for forgetting because he wakes up with a cold sweat, determined to put that frozen towel on you like his life depended on it.

Jungkook thought he was doing well by the way he could navigate clearly even with the sleep in his system, eyes still half-lidded and brain still half-working that he decides to rip out the largest yawn to man mid-step on the staircase — before he knows it, he’s woken up immediately to the bottom of it.

“Jungkook!” you yelled to him then in a panic, eyes wide and frantic to see him at the bottom of the stairs with a sheepish smile. Jungkook knew then that seeing you with a head-splitting migraine visible on your pale lips and fatigued eyes, scooping him up on your arms with nothing but scolding and fussing on rotation — he knew that you loved him more than you let on.

You know Jungkook loves you. So when the bed dips and your arms grow cold despite swearing up and down that the both of you have a free day today, you doubt for a second.

“What are you doing up so early?” you mutter, stifling a yawn to see Jungkook up without a complaint.

“Breakfast with my parents. My crazy aunt suddenly came over and they need backup,” Jungkook answers with a pained laugh, cussing himself for being such a filial son. “Don’t worry, I know you hate her plus you were up all night yesterday so I just told them you can’t come because you’re under the weather.”

You’re put at ease to hear him, sighing a breath of relief — good, Jungkook still loves you and doesn’t plan to leave you. It’s just an inkling you’ve had the last few weeks, the daunting realization that in a couple months’ time, it’ll be three years of marriage with him.

It’s the impulsive, less rational part of your brain that thinks Jungkook’s growing bored of you, confused of how he’s been perfectly content being your husband for almost three whole years. 

You go with Jungkook all the way through downstairs, your playful teasing towards him about never yawning again on the steps giving him more amusement (and embarrassment) than necessary.

“Kook?” you question with a furrow in your brow, pointing at the dish that’s occupied still. “You forgot the car keys.”

“Oh. I’m not taking the car,” he smiles, shrugging to emphasize the jacket that he intentionally wore. You missed the detail somehow, the surprise in your voice more evident.

“You’re taking your motorbike?”

“Mhmm!” Jungkook hums pleasantly, the background music in his brain going from calm elevator music to rising bass rift. He’s just about to bid you goodbye with a kiss after he wears his gloves but he’s stopped even before he could come near. You’ve already read his mind.

Your husband knows it when you put your arms across your chest, nodding towards the cabinet with a tone that leaves no room for counterarguments.

“Go wear your full gear.”

“But the breakfast place isn’t even that far,” Jungkook whines, head tilting back. His gear was literally hot, protecting him from sunlight yet physically making him boil inside. 

“I want you in one piece.”

“You want me?” Jungkook cheekily grins, eyebrows wagging incessantly with his arms outstretched. That’s it! If he could just act cuter and be a little more-

“Go wear your gear.”

“I look goofy,” he mutters, eyes downcast. The longer he goes without blinking, the faster he knows that he’s going to stick to your words.

“You look safe,” you smile in success when you put his helmet on, securing it extra tightly that draws a whine from him.

Jungkook frowns but he knows that you’re right as always, a relieved sigh coursing throughout his whole body because who knew where he’d end up without you.

“Ride safe, Jungkook. I mean it. Don’t pull any tricks,” you glare pointedly at him, recounting all of the near misses he had from wanting to be adventurous, be it a trip downstairs to the refrigerator or in the middle of a main thoroughfare.

“I promise not to pull a wheelie on the highway, yes,” Jungkook mockingly salutes you, drawing out a faux disappointed sigh from you.

“You’re forgetting something.”

Was he really? Jungkook furrows his brows in confusion, smacking his lips when he seems to get the gist of it. He walks towards you, puckering his lips to the max because he doesn’t want to headbutt you with a solid helmet for just a smooch, landing a gentle kiss on your cheek. 

You appreciate it, but Jungkook’s not quite right.

“No, not that.”

“What?” he seems taken aback, suddenly realizing. “Oh!” he giggles, raising up his right hand in a pledge. “I promise to text you when I get there.”

“Good.”

You have to put more strength to drag Jungkook by the helmet, angling your head to the side to kiss so he doesn’t knock you in the forehead with the extremely safe (and extremely bulky) helmet you got him.

Jungkook smiles in contentment, clearing his throat as he revs his engine. It’s all good then. He had become worried in silence because your three years of marriage were approaching and got scared because what if you grew bored of him already?

Jungkook worries that he’ll mess things up with you one day, but with the way he can see you waving at him frantically on his side mirror when he just left, it’s okay. 

He knows you still love him.

( ♡ )

Hoseok’s your most talented and trusted metalsmith.

His work ethic’s unparalleled, your vision only coming into fruition through his support and skill. He’s indispensable to you, your place in the direction of your family’s business cemented by Hoseok’s aid.

Hoseok as both an artist and your employee is different from Hoseok as your friend. Both are cunning but the latter is more ruthless, the lines being blurred every now and then. He loves his job, don’t get him twisted at all — in fact, he trusts you as a boss and the company beyond comprehension that he doesn’t bear any tact for anyone who threatens either.

Not even for Jungkook.

“A collab, huh?” Hoseok squints, looking through the portfolio you’ve handed him. There’s already projected numbers that your analysts have predicted for you but he pays the papers no mind. He clicks his tongue, looking up at you with an unreadable expression. “A streetwear brand wants a limited-edition collection with us?”

Jungkook clears his throat, timidly raising his hand. He’s always known that Hoseok’s standoffish to literally everyone except you, but what he can’t take is being talked about like he isn’t in the same room.

“Uhm, I’m Y/N’s husband.”

“Well you’re the owner of that streetwear brand, aren’t you?” Hoseok raises a brow at him, tilting his head. He looks drastically bored, his tongue poking his cheek.

Jungkook blinks, not exactly knowing where this was going but he doesn’t like it one bit. “Yes, but I’m also her husband.”

“Okay?” Hoseok tilts his head, eyes already exhausted from the conversation. You know that look on him, the one that tells you he’s bored to death and is itching to shut up the nearest person to him. “What does that have to do with anything?”

Jungkook rarely gets flustered by anyone else besides you and this time, it’s the bad kind. The embarrassment he gets from just conversing with Hoseok makes him feel like he’s an inconvenience, unease settling into his stomach. Jungkook wishes he couldn’t be so perceptive to know that despite Hoseok’s eyes normally being unreadable, his gaze now on his sketches can be read as underwhelmed.

“Well I-I mean, I’m hearing a lot of us and it sounds like you and Y/N, not me and Y/N,” he licks his lips, recognizing the insecurity that sticks to his tone like honey. Not only does he feel insulted as an artist, he also feels insufficient as a husband.

“That is what I’m saying though,” Hoseok trails off, hand vaguely gesturing for Jungkook to fill in the rest of the blanks. When he doesn’t, Hoseok does it for him. “It’s me and Y/N seeing this brand through. Not you and her.”

Jungkook blinks once, twice.

Hoseok isn’t wrong. No matter how much pain it brings Jungkook to admit it, Hoseok isn’t wrong. Your marriage may be for you and him alone, but your company– your artistry is only yours as much as it’s Hoseok’s. He has no place here and he feels it, his initial confidence that the collaboration he proposed was going to pass already dwindling by the millisecond.

“Hoseok’s right,” you cough, breaking their conversation. The tension was already too thick and you’ve barely made it halfway to looking at the entirety of the portfolio. “Reel it in, Jungkook.”

He’s jealous. He’s jealous and he forgot just how pathetic and insufficient one could feel when the green monster of heartburn decides to make an appearance. Jungkook just about doubts everything, from thinking of how your admiration for Hoseok is probably much higher than the admiration you have for him, to thinking if you even benefit from being arranged to him.

Hoseok looks over the designs, noting all the details silently.

“Huh. I see,” he hums, clearing his throat to try and keep all the crass words he has in mind to himself because you’re looking at him intently. “Skulls. Haven’t seen this one before.”

“You sketched this?” Hoseok nods every now and then, holding up the paper that had deep indents of the pencil on the paper to the point that it defeats the concept of a sketch. Your husband nods, and he wishes he hadn’t because Hoseok comments not a second later. “Figures.”

He hums, silently approving here and there of some concepts he could totally get behind. It’s not all rubbish content, but he can’t say that salvageable automatically equates to commendable.

“So? What do you think, Hobi?” you ask when the silence has gone long enough, having noticed that Jungkook already grew too quiet in your corner.

Hoseok calculates in his brain, looking from the portfolio and back to you. He tries not to clench his jaw for the sake of you silently pleading him to mince his words and actions, clasping his hands together.

“Yeah, it’s doable,” he nods, making Jungkook smile despite his ego being a little wounded. He’s bounced back miraculously, profusely thanking Hoseok with an unexplained eagerness to him. Before Jungkook could launch himself to further possibilities though, Hoseok calls for you.

“Y/N? A word, please?”

Jungkook looks back from the door, hesitant doe eyes flitting between the two of you. You don’t know exactly what’s going through his mind but you know better than to project, bidding him goodbye for the timebeing. “It’ll be quick.”

The most commendable trait you can attribute to Hoseok besides being your friend is his passion for your craft. He’s vision-oriented in the sense that he cuts straight to the chase before he could even lose the trail that the sudden burst of fervor leaves him.

“Meridian’s your baby. It’s your grandmother’s grandmother’s baby. It’s coveted. It has meaning,” Hoseok rambles, the sigh leaving him more concerned than it was relieved at being let out. He can’t mince his words now — he can’t put it in any other way besides the truth. “Collaborating with Jungkook cheapens it.”

“Hoseok.”

Your tone edges on a bite, clenching your jaw as you try to take everything in. Hoseok’s been your voice of reason for so long but you don’t know how to accept that voice now, the tinge of guilt slowly staining you because the back of your mind tells you that he isn’t wrong.

Jungkook’s streetwear brand is huge; whether or not you chalk it up to his name being linked to his family’s holding company that’s responsible for other designer brands, your husband’s brand specifically remains larger than life. It’s not a flawless brand, that much you’re sure of, but it’s still of great value.

Just perhaps not of the same degree that Hoseok holds your company to.

“It’s not all bad, but most of his work is dispassionate. It’s typical. Meridian would look cheap if you commit to this fever dream collaboration.”

There’s a rash on your neck, one that’s warm and speaks to your ear of how shitty it must feel to even agree partially to what Hoseok’s saying. Your duties as an artist in the business rarely clash with your courtesies as Jungkook’s wife — today just happens to be one of those days.

“It’s Jungkook’s idea, okay?” you relent, voice low as if in defeat of admission. You don’t mean to belittle him, you just happen to know and listen to reason. “It’s not the best, I know, but it’s honest work. Let’s give him a chance.”

“You’re giving him a chance because he’s your husband, not because you see any potential.”

Hoseok says it without uttering nor a single sense of doubt. He sounds so definite that you don’t even know if he’s still insulting Jungkook or if he’s insulting you at this point, swallowing your words.

There’s truth to your craft but you know there’s an even bigger truth to the unspoken protectiveness you have over Jungkook, the answer sounding seemingly shallow but that’s what it really is — love makes you shallow as much as it makes you deep.

“You’ll know when you’re married.”

“Arranged would be the term for you and Jungkook. Not married,” Hoseok quips. “You’re only holding back your critique. We both know it’s a dead end when it comes to creative direction.”

The both of you leave it at that, the decision being unanimous to collaborate with Jungkook despite your metalsmith’s hesitance. What you say goes, that’s just how hierarchy works. 

Unbeknownst to you and Hoseok though, Jungkook’s been listening the whole time — that’s just how love operates sometimes; hidden and relinquished.

( ♡ )

Jungkook’s hurt.

How crude of Hoseok to think of him that way. How worse of you to agree even.

Jungkook’s irrational when he’s hurt, refusing to see reason. He knows at the back of his head that he’s hit a rut and pitching in a collaboration with your brand is his last-ditch attempt in sparking something. Cheap was a word for tackiness and to have your friend use it on him brings him to a new low.

It’s just jewelry. What you make is just jewelry. Just pieces of metal bended and soldered together with shiny gems that don’t possess any real meaning to them besides superficial.

It’s not that deep.

Not that deep to the point that when Hyejoo, his childhood friend turned actress turned fleeting appearance in his life every now and then (whom you hate for some reason), asks him for a favor — Jungkook barely hesitates.

Hyejoo stands before him in a shirt from his brand’s limited collection, one out of the only hundred ever made. If Jungkook recalls correctly, he didn’t even send any items from the limited collection to any of his friends; he left everyone besides you to go fend for themselves.

Perhaps his childhood friend’s truly a fan of his craft, knowing her for her utmost support towards all his releases. To be honest, the two of them aren’t even that close anymore to the point that they’re each other’s first friend to think of in dire circumstances, except now — now when she needs him for a favor.

“But I need a pink ring for the event, Jungkook!” Hyejoo whines, throwing her head back for dramatic effect. Truth be told, she knew no brand that had pink jewelry that was elegant enough for her taste except yours. She’s turned down sponsorships all for a ring you probably keep in your sock drawer. “Yes I can buy from other brands but you’re there, Kook. You’re available and I can borrow from you because your wife has a shit ton.”

Jungkook knows what Hyejoo’s talking about. It’s the one pink ring that you wore on your engagement party with him and it’s become the talk of everyone from how ethereal you looked, the one tiny piece of jewelry tying it all together.

He knows it’s pink and he knows it’s just hidden away in its jewelry box, one that you keep right next to his collection of watches. There was no fancy vault for it either, just tucked next to his timepieces as if they were of the same value.

“Come on, she won’t even notice,” Hyejoo urges him, making him inwardly cringe. She turned up on his front door unannounced asking for a favor and he feels indebted her for the last time she granted him one, the apartment complex that Hyejoo owned becoming the perfect backdrop to his collection that’s still renowned to this day.

Jungkook’s loyal, he knows he is. His loyalties lie with you and he still honors his debt — whether or not you’re caught in the middle. It’s true that you won’t even notice, you don’t even peek at it anyway! For someone who’s a part of a family of jewelers, you rarely accessorize yourself gaudily.

“Fine. I’ll let you borrow,” Jungkook mutters, finally relenting to Hyejoo’s requests. He opens the door wider, on the way to your shared bedroom but looks back hastily at Hyejoo to point a stern finger. “But give it back, okay?”

It takes a great amount of strength for Jungkook to even hand the ring to Hyejoo, not even including the box with her because a) you would know that it was missing, and b) he wants her to wear it at all times until she gives it back the next day. Jungkook takes it personally to flick her wrist to serve as a reminder that he had given it to her already, even going so far to take a picture of the two of them and make her sign on his notes app.

He’s not necessarily betraying you — or so he thinks. It was just jewelry that you wouldn’t miss, same as the shirts that he gives away to his friends. Their retail prices may be lightyears away but you would understand; you always do.

Jungkook gaslights himself into thinking that he did no wrong but the guilt is what slowly gnaws on him, the tips of his fingers going numb every time he looks at you. 

Come to think of it, his decision to lend your ring to Hyejoo was out of sheer pettiness even without the assurance that you’ll take notice of it. His hurt over Hoseok’s comment disappeared the moment he handed her your ring, but to his surprise, it’s anxiousness that replaces his irritation.

He kisses you good night still as if today didn’t happen; how his irrationality had gotten the best of him when he got hurt by Hoseok’s remarks over his passion and creativity, and just a few hours later, it’s his impulsiveness and misplaced urge for vindication that lent your unsuspecting ring to his childhood friend.

“Jungkook!” you yell out in panic, urging him awake instantly that his heart beats incessantly despite being pulled out of sleep. You look frantic, the rawness in your eyes not from your lack of sleep, but instead from tears. “Call 911. The Interpol! The CIA! The fucking Blue House!”

“What?! What happened?!”

He’s panicked just as you are, hands shakily clutching his phone. He looks you up and down and inspects you for injuries to which there are none, nothing but overwhelm making your body shake.

Jungkook can’t bear to see you so glum and helpless, your bottom lip trembling as you look at him feeling nothing but pathetic.

“My ring,” you whisper brokenly, the phantom feeling of wearing it making you sob even more. “My ring is gone.”

Jungkook’s mouth dries, the panic in his own body turning against himself, his remorse growing into something larger than life. He could physically see the confusion on your face on the way he paled, his phone dropping out of his hold.

Your husband’s hands reach for you but you don’t take them, recoiling even before he could open his mouth. Jungkook was readable — too readable to the point that you wish he had lied to your face instead.

“I-I can explain.”

Jungkook weakens by the knees when the words drape from the tip of his tongue, your chest sucking in an inhale so sharp that he gets weakened by the force of it. “I lent it to Hyejoo.”

You’re quiet, the type of rage in you simmering ever so slowly that it builds to an immense heat. You don’t know if you can ever muster to look at Jungkook in the eye, your middle finger that knows the grooves of your ring twitching in muscle memory.

“You what?” you croak, tilting your head. You know what you’ve heard but you just wish you’re mistaken this time, cursing your own accuracy. “Who told you that you could do that?” 

Jungkook’s cornered in his mind and he spews the first thing in his mind, no matter how stupid it sounded.

“Yours is mine and mine is-…”

“That doesn’t apply here! You’re so fucking-…” you just about burst in the seams, clenching your jaw so hard to the point that you give yourself a headache. You’re resolute this way, the pitiful look on your husband’s face not getting a single drop of remorse from you. “Get it back.”

You wouldn’t have lent it to anyone regardless if Jungkook asked you, but you would have considered at the very least. For him to take something so special to you and loan it to someone you’re not even fond of ticks a wire in your brain, your anger coming before the sadness fully hits.

“Y/N!” he hisses, angry at both the situation and himself but he now thinks of the courtesy that he didn’t possess when Hyejoo borrowed your ring. “I can’t turn back on my word.”

“What? Your word that favors Hyejoo and shits on mine?” you scoff in disbelief, laughing at the mockery Jungkook makes of you. It’s insulting and saddening and you can’t even begin to think of the extensive cleaning and safekeeping you’ll have to do once you get your ring back. “I said, get it back. You’re my husband and you’re just her friend, you have all the means to take my ring back.”

Jungkook turns somber, a stark contrast to your anger. He pleads with you, finally closing the gap between you to which you roll your eyes.

“The event is tonight. She’ll return it tomorrow. Please, it’ll be embarrassing.”

“For you or for her?” you ask but the rage in your voice is already simmering, the daunting thoughts of how Jungkook thinks of his friend’s sake and himself first than his wife making you clench your fists around nothing.

“Y/N, please.”

His incessant begging does little to influence your decision because you’ve already changed your mind, the rage that dipped in you and the fact that your heart’s already aching despite having just woken up converting you instead.

“Tomorrow morning. I want it back in the case before I wake up.”

The two of you sleep apart for the night and Jungkook can’t even bring himself to contest it knowing that he doesn’t deserve to hold you. He simmers in self-loathing, unable to sleep the night when his phone dings from the notifications it has of your name.

Hyejoo’s look on the carpet trends the whole night, the main focus of everyone being the pink ring that adorns her ring finger. There’s threads of speculations how you and her are either best friends or how she must’ve bought it from you. If only he could, Jungkook would reply to each comment saying that Hyejoo doesn’t hold a candle to your elegance and how the ring has always been yours — that it’s his fault that his friend’s even wearing the same piece.

He’s restless and he can’t even begin to think how much more tired you feel. Of your name being brought up and of him royally fucking up. 

When Jungkook thinks it couldn’t be worse, karma one-ups him from the very mistake he committed when he entertained Hyejoo’s favor in his mind.

“You’re stupid,” you spit to Hyejoo who stands on your porch, head downturned in shame. She had half the decency to face you personally but lacks the rest to honor her end of the bargain; she lacks the intellect to respect you.

She lost the ring. She lost the pink ring you’ve treasured and cared for since you were a teenager, losing it after a careless and drunk decision of skinny dipping. You feel like you’ve been made a fool not only by your husband, but also by his friend that you don’t care for at all.

The tears fall out of your eyes in anger, each one being in a rush to exit because you’re full of resentment at this point.

“You’re a brainless, stupid, careless fucking idiot. I don’t want to see you in my household again,” you point at her, making her step back.

“This is Jungkook’s-…” she squeaks, just about to correct you when you point at her even more menacingly. You’re not even joking around as it seems like, eyes angry to the point that they lack of love, even for Jungkook who tries to hold you back.

“I’ll get a restraining order on you.”

Hyejoo scurries out all with the promise to reimburse you (as if she has the money to do so) that falls on deaf ears, your hand slamming the door too hard that your husband swears the walls shook with your force.

You look unrecognizable with the sheer disappointment you have for him, your anger dripping off of you thickly that he’s rendered speechless.

“You,” you seethe. “I fucking hate you.”

You never told him that before.

You’ve gotten mad at him on several occasions but never to this degree where you tell him that you loathe him. This is the furthest that you’ve took it, the honesty behind your words making his bottom lip tremble.

Jungkook’s eyes have been perpetually moist since last night but it’s only now that his eyes sting with white hot sadness. You’re only reacting out of your state of overwhelm; you must be, right?

“I hate you so, so much, Jungkook.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“No, I really mean that,” you scoff to his face, shaking your head in absoluteness. “What would you do if I sold your car, huh?”

Jungkook wants to apologize to you so bad but he doesn’t have the right words to give you the proper one that you deserve. He gives you an answer off the top of his head, the disappointment for himself growing if he does otherwise.

“It’s just a car.”

“Well this is just not a fucking ring to me! It’s not simple like that!” you burst, your movements jerky.

“I’ll buy you a new ring,” he whispers, wanting to tug at his hair for being so stupid. He should’ve considered the possibility that Hyejoo has a knack for being careless; he failed to account that he went behind your back to lend your ring to someone else in the first place.

“I can buy my own rings!” you exclaim. “What you don’t get is that this means the world to me! If your uncle gave you a car, and I gave it to someone else and now it’s on the bottom of the ocean, what would you feel?”

“It’s just a car from my uncle. I can replace it. I can buy a better one.”

Jungkook knows he’s just making excuses. He’s just being defensive now that he’s cornered and has no excuse for behaving so poorly. He can’t escape the anger and the disappoint he’s flooded with, not when you cry out of sheer distress.

“Not if my aunt isn’t here! Not if this ring is one of the only things I have of her!”

Sure, your aunt was dodgy. She’s the black sheep of your family and had done more than a lot of questionable things, but she cared for you. She had given you her own ring when you were twelve and whilst it was too big for you to wear, she gave you a chain for you to wear it around your neck.

The ring is something you can easily replicate but the thought behind it is what you can’t take back. It’s not the only piece of her that you have but it’s one of the earliest things you obtained; one of the most notable pieces out of the bunch.

“You don’t think. You don’t care. You don’t love.” 

For Jungkook to carelessly seize it from you and loan it to someone else grips your heart like a vice. You’re gonna dwell on it for more than a couple of days and realize that you have more sentimental and elegant things you have of your aunt eventually — but what matters to you is how you feel now. How Jungkook had disappointed you so bad, you feel like throwing up.

“I want to divorce you,” you seethe, meaning your words at the heat of the moment. Jungkook stands frozen, hearing his own heartbeat thrum in his ears. “I can find a new husband. What I can’t find — what neither you nor Hyejoo can’t find is my ring.”

( ♡ )

You do it while he’s sleeping.

You take advantage of Jungkook’s fatigue and disorientation from crying his eyes out, passed out in the couch while he hugs himself with his arms to try and replicate your embrace. It’s already morning and it only looks like he slept just minutes ago, positively dozed off.

You take much care in slipping of the platinum wedding ring from his finger, joining your discarded one in your palm. There’s only carelessness when you scoop them into a tiny drawstring bag, taking it to Hoseok and doing a regular work day as if your head hadn’t pounded with hurt just last night.

It’s only convenient for the both of you; Jungkook’s decision slingshots back to him, and your client would be happy. Hoseok texted you last night asking if he should grant the request of a high-profile client with a titanium pendant, and it just so happens that you have two chunks of it that you no longer need. It could be melted and repurposed — after all, it’s just jewelry according to Jungkook.

The guilt of your impulsiveness doesn’t hit you instantly, it only comes with confusion when you see your husband in shambles.

When you come home, the whole house is upturned. Jungkook’s frantic, waking up to a hand that bears no wedding ring; no proof of you. His eyes glaze with relief briefly when he sees you, urging you to take in the situation fully.

“The police. The CIA! Interpol! MI6 — or is it MI7? Fuck, Mr. Bean’s movie was too good! Get the Blue House on the line!” he blubbers, looking back and forth the cushions of the couch and his hand. “My wedding ring!”

It’s perhaps a ballsy move made on your part, but you can’t guilt yourself into bearing the blame. You made your wedding rings and it only makes sense for you to get rid of them. The bands are symbolic, made and upheld with love for the last two years but in your haste of upset, you’ve given them away.

You perhaps regret it slightly, the fog in your brain lifting but only faintly. You’re still mad and disappointed at Jungkook, and perhaps you don’t mean the bit of divorcing him, but you do mean wholeheartedly the sentimentality you have behind all your jewelry.

The platinum in your ring finger just felt too heavy last night that you grew weary of it, not thinking twice when you removed yours and Jungkook’s. Even if the two of you make up and you don’t end up divorcing Jungkook, you wouldn’t want to wear the same ring that brought you the same pain during its stint.

“I sold them,” you answer, turning your back on him before you could see the anguish in his face. “We have no need for them.”

( ♡ )

Jungkook’s making you a rice bowl as an apology.

Buttered fried rice, egg, bacon, and all with a generous amount of cheese. It’s his hangover food when he needs something greasy and filling but the only difference from his past hangovers and your anger at him is the latter barely feels like it could be rectified.

He says his apologies again through the door and he’ll happily repeat it to your face if you stand longer in front of him for more than a minute, his panic even larger than the oil splashes he’s gotten from making your bacon eagerly.

“I’m so sorry, baby. It was stupid of me to lend your ring to Hyejoo behind your back and I swear I won’t do it again. I know that ring meant a lot to you and I-I was so pathetic by invalidating that,” he mutters through the door, looking at the frying pan every now and then to make sure he wasn’t burning anything. “I have every intention of finding your ring and making it up to you, cross my heart!”

It feels insulting, even. For him to think that he could change the ache of your heart with a simple hot meal. Jungkook realizes that he really is dense when you don’t answer the door for the twenty minutes that he knocks. When you do open up, he feels even more dumb.

Just twenty minutes ago, he wired you twice the amount of the worth you estimated your aunt’s ring to be. Combined with the pitiful amount Hyejoo wires you, it’s then do you realize that you’re not fazed by money. The initiative is there, sure, but the ache in your heart hasn’t subsided completely.

You do miss Jungkook. It does tug at your heartstrings to see and hear him beat himself up over and over again the more you realize that you’re attached to your aunt’s memories rather than the ring itself, but just two nights away from each other won’t absolve everything he’s done and failed to do.

When you open the door, you’re greeted by the sight of your husband who tries far too hard for his own good. Melancholy isn’t a good look on him because he looks the most unkempt he’s ever appeared in two days than the two years you’ve been living with him under the same roof.

Jungkook waits for you to register his attempt, holding up a hot bowl with his bare hands that you resist the urge to take it from him for a second. His ring finger’s occupied by a cheap mood ring, rapidly turning red at the moment from the heat of the bowl.

You look down fully expecting to be swayed even just a little bit, but when you do, you feel the kick to just slam the door right back.

“I hate runny eggs,” you scowl. “Two years married and you don’t even know how I like my eggs cooked.”

Jungkook wants the ground to swallow him whole. 

He wishes that if it was true that chickens are the last true descendants of dinosaurs, there’d be a chicken the same size as them that pecks him into oblivion.

He hurriedly turns on the stove and scoops up the egg back into it, careful not to have any of the runny folk get on your meal. He itches in frustration, his ring finger that’s temporarily adorned with a cheap and clunky mood ring being accurate by turning blue in sadness.

Jungkook’s so out of it, so disappointed in himself that he doesn’t notice he cooks the egg until it’s burnt, the char of it reflecting how poorly he thinks of himself now.

It’s like when you were disappointed in him that time when his outlandish aunt made a rude comment about you and you were speechless the whole night that he stayed silent. He remedied it by later groveling at your feet and marching to his aunt and laying out all of his intentions for her to grow up and apologize to you, the same aunt that’s now blacklisted from all the gatherings.

It’s like when you were upset at him when he left abruptly in the morning and didn’t tell you where he was going because he didn’t know if you would care, partying it up in a different country for his friend’s bachelor’s party and coming home a day later with you hot on his heels. Jungkook made it up to you by once again apologizing profusely and updating you on his whereabouts since then (sometimes he gives too much information), always making it a point to bring two powerbanks with him so he can text you when he’s left and arrived.

This time though, he doesn’t know how exactly to make it up to you. He’s been in contact with professional divers to try and look for the ring for you, but he can’t be of much help until he comes along to know for sure. He’s thinking of all these different ways and approaches but he’s unsure if any of them are sufficient enough to rectify his mistake.

Jungkook feels pathetic because he swears he loves you and knows everything about you, but here he is — crying about how he doesn’t even know how you like your eggs cooked.

You’re upset at him, and he can’t do anything right for you.

( ♡ )

Jungkook tries again at dinner.

It’s the day of Meridian’s 100th anniversary and the two of you play it up for the cameras, your husband’s attention on you so keen and affectionate that you almost forget you were supposed to be mad at him.

He takes advantage of the cameras during the carpet session, tugging you close with his hand on your waist as he seizes the chance to hug you tightly at the end when you enter the hall with no cameras in place. He breathes you in as he always does, hesitant to let you go and exhale because you’re the very scent and existence of love.

Jungkook studied, of course he did. He’s touched up on his jewelry knowledge because he’s more than desperate now to seek your validation, nervously smiling all around as he waits for people to stop approaching you in your table.

His attention’s fixed on your necklace, the stone on it similar to the very ring he lent and lost. He’s brought it up about five times already, animatedly reciting trivia about it as if you’re not the literal face of the jewelry industry. He clears his throat, leaning in for you to whisper intimately, but just loud enough for the other people to hear a tad. 

“Ah, that pink sapphire looks so good on you, babe.”

“Shut up,” you mutter sharply, making Jungkook’s heart skip a beat. You melted against him when he was hugging you, that much he was sure of. He doesn’t know why you’ve become harsh again all of a sudden, forgetting that his lapse this time was opening his mouth. “Stop saying that.”

“Saying what?” his brows furrow, swallowing the lump on his throat. “Pink?” he guesses, eyes wavering as he tests the waters. “Pink sapphire?”

It takes a lot in you not to make an outburst. Truth be told, you’ve started easing up on Jungkook but his attempts at trying hard is just too much and in the wrong direction, hearing pink sapphire over and over again reminding you of the ring you lost.

“Yes, that! Stop talking.”

“But I did my homework! Of course I’m not gonna stop talking,” he defends himself, the nervousness rising to his throat like bile. God, what if he did the wrong homework? What if he’s missed the assignment all along?

“Clearly you didn’t try hard enough because you’re wrong, Jungkook. This isn’t a pink sapphire — this is a pink diamond.”

Jungkook’s brain stops functioning for a solid five seconds, his mouth drying. The only proof that he was still breathing is his big eyes threatening to water.

“And so is my ring that you gave to your friend without asking me,” you add.

“What?!” he sputters in disbelief, recounting to all the other times he named the gem in multiple occasions even before today. “B-but I said it so many times before! You didn’t even correct me!”

“I didn’t correct you because you looked so proud of yourself!” you exclaim, surrendering with a sigh. Pink sapphire was the first gem that Jungkook had managed to name in your trivia night on the first month of your marriage, his avidness on getting it “right” so contagious that you didn’t have the heart to correct him.

“Pink sapphire is dirt cheap compared to pink diamonds, Jungkook! You just keep saying sapphire over and over again because it’s your birthstone,” you mumble, looking around to see if there were any people growing nosy at your conversation. “I let you say it over and over again to the point that I wore them instead of diamonds because you just can’t shut up about them,” you grit. 

This is the only time you reference your sentiment with the jewelry itself in words, your last profession of your disappointment in him being the removal of your wedding bands.

 “That’s the thing with you — you can’t tell. This isn’t just about emerald o-or octagon cuts, Jungkook. This is our marriage and you gave a girl that I don’t like my ring that meant so much to me! Now you can’t get it back.”

Jungkook’s speechless, holding back tears. You fear you’ll cry yourself when you look at his round, pleading eyes so you don’t, squeezing in the last word even if he always lets you have it.

“And now I’m correcting you because you’re embarrassing me. Now please, lay off with the gem terms.”

( ♡ )

Things have been tame between you and Jungkook.

You’ve aired out your grievances and Jungkook’s still trying hard as always, perplexing you because he hasn’t gone restless. It’s progressively warmer between the two of you but it’s nowhere near to what the two of you used to be, the air between the two of you going static that you’ve utilized it for your own.

It’s just a quick getaway for the day, hopping aboard a yacht with the intention of giving yourself a break. You’ve reflected enough but not alone with yourself, the period of space with Jungkook being much-needed.

Until you’re mistaken of course.

You think your mind’s playing tricks on you when the boat rocks more than it would with waves, but the all too familiar figure coming into your vision turns out to be real. It’s Jungkook in the flesh, wearing his scuba suit and gear.

It’s a pure coincidence that is. All Jungkook knew was that you were going on a yacht today and you didn’t specify where; meanwhile, all you knew was that he was going to be scuba diving, but he didn’t specify where either.

It’s purely kismet but your bodyguard Taehyung doesn’t seem to think so, legitimately thinking it was a pirate instead of your husband so he repeatedly smacks him with an oar until you stop him.

“Jungkook!” you call out, getting your bodyguard to stop. Atleast he has the decency to look sheepish, but he was genuinely concerned! He thought you were being hijacked by someone dressed in the most unassuming scuba suit, holding a plastic bag in his hands.

Your husband barely winces from the pain because he’s high from all the adrenaline, chest rising rapidly in succession. “Y/N, baby, I — hold on, I’m gonna, wait-…”

He looks tired still but there’s a light to him, either his radiance has come back or it was just the sun behind him but either way, it was nice to look at Jungkook who isn’t groveling at your feet for once.

He finally catches his breath, standing up to his full height as he tries not to ramble his words.

“I bought all the fish.”

“You did what?” your eyes widen, pathetically looking at the vast ocean around you. Perhaps you’re so startled (and amused) by Jungkook’s sudden and silly appearance that you forgot to apply common sense, just as breathless as he is.

“Okay maybe not all, but I did buy a lot of fish,” he concedes, nodding incessantly. He’s too excited that he can’t contain himself, even more-so when you finally look at him without disdain staining your features.

“For what?” you ask, genuinely curious.

Jungkook smiles, never having been more proud retelling you his previous failure.

“Your favorite seafood restaurant? I bought them their stock, provided that they’ll open up every last fish in there to see if they had your ring,” he shrugs as if it’s a common thought process to abide by, later shaking his head. “They don’t.”

If there’s just one trait that Jungkook had to be known with by everyone, it would be his persistence.

Jeon Jungkook is endearingly, cloyingly, and annoyingly persistent with the things he desires and the things he’s passionate about. You’re his wife — you’re his every last desire and passion. He had wronged you fresh from a week and some days ago but that timeframe has already given him ample time to fully redeem himself.

He can’t undo what he did. He can’t reverse the time he lent his wife’s ring to his friend who loses it not a full day later. Jungkook can’t take back any of the things he did but what he can do is be dedicatedly persistent in correcting himself.

He’s tanner, his muscles are bulged and straining, and his skin’s itchy with all the salt but he takes all of these things in stride — he’s become a better person through persistence.

“I also tried snorkeling for a week and I still couldn’t find it,” he trails, biting his bottom lip while he clasps his hands behind his back. “But I tried again today.”

It’s either relief or endearment that fills your face full, but nonetheless, the light that Jungkook sees from you lulls him to the comfort and warmth he’s been yearning from you for the past week. His eyes are strained and his body feels itself moving in waves as if he was still underwater, but he just closes his eyes to savor the moment.

You bound to him to put him in an embrace, your husband instantly melting in your hold. It’s either all the salt in his eyes or it’s just the realization that you’ve finally forgiven him and it’s all the love he feels for you, but either way, you hold Jungkook tighter.

“I found your ring.”

( ♡ )

You don’t know when Jungkook first loved you.

You can’t pinpoint an exact moment when Jungkook started acting differently towards you because he’s always been the same way from day one, the same qualities that make him both annoying and endearing having been there from the start.

You could always ask but you can’t bring yourself to. It shouldn’t bother you at the end of the day because the important thing is that Jungkook loves you. He loves without reservations, the pinnacle of his love language being his patheticness in trying hard.

Jeon Jungkook may try hard for everyone, but he tries the most for you.

He wakes up early and you only realize his absence when you turn to pat the warm space he’s supposedly left behind, making you rub the sleep out of your eyes. 

You wonder for a second that if Jungkook left the bed early and is quiet at the moment, he’s probably at the bottom of the staircase again because he yawned while going down. There’s no schedule today for either of you and you aren’t sick for him to make any sudden trips downstairs, his absence making you wonder this time.

There’s clanging coming from the garage, piquing your interest largely. There sits Jungkook wearing less safety gear that you’d like, blocks and blocks of wood surrounding him.

Your husband looks up, unassuming as usual while he breaks out into a grin.

“I’m making furniture for you.”

“That’s not necessary,” you snort, recounting all of the pieces you’ve acquired from your friend who’s an expert on woodcarving. Jungkook seems to know this too but he’s insistent, shaking his head eagerly.

His eyeglasses (his prescription ones instead of the actual safety ones) fog up from both his sweat and the few tears he’s shed out of frustration, taking them out so you could see the passion in his eyes. The passion’s definitely there, dampening his eyelashes and even tinting his eyelids pink.

“No, I’ll paint it up real good and it’ll blend it to your aesthetic.”

“Besides that, Jungkook,” you warn, coming down to squat on the space beside him. “You’re not good with tools.”

“Not good at them like Hoseok?” he questions, raising his brow. He’s frustrated and cranky and he just compared his (eager yet improper) use of large power tools compared to Hoseok’s expertise in using much, much smaller tools. Jungkook’s sweaty from all the effort, vaguely gesturing to the item in front of him. “Please, can Hoseok do it like me?” 

Your husband points to the lopsided bench (?) slash coffee table (?) slash abstract piece (?)  in front of you whose message is that they’re tired, only the scoopers for faux blood missing. It’s quite the spectacle. Not necessarily a statement piece because it raises more questions than any resolute takeaways at all.

“No, not really,” you joke around, winking to get the joke across your husband’s skull who sometimes reads between the lines too literally. “He can do it much, much better than you.”

“I’m trying to be romantic!” Jungkook whines with no real harm. “Go ahead, why don’t you divorce me and marry him because he’s so good with using a hammer?” 

The two of you were back; the same playfulness and warmth rekindling, if not stronger. Some things were just too strong to grow out of, such as Jungkook’s double takes when it comes to another name being linked to you.

He’s just making sure, still as desperate to gain your validation even before the ring incident took place.

“That was… a joke if you couldn’t tell,” Jungkook laughs robotically, eyes narrowing and widening at you every two seconds. “I’m just kidding. You knew that. You wouldn’t do that… right?”

You wouldn’t.

He knows that you love him. He had known it during his state of vulnerability and he knows it now even in a state of security. He knows it even without a wedding ring, your promise of making new ones for the both of you remaining in his mind.

The downfall of Jeon Jungkook wouldn’t be his persistence that also bears the ability to be his uprising, it was never that. Jungkook’s downfall would only be the loss of you and it’s the only absence that he can’t risk.

Your husband tries so hard that it brings you secondhand embarrassment at times, his mishap with the pink sapphire cementing in your mind just how much of himself he dedicates to you, even with lapses along the way.

Jungkook tries so hard that he ends the day with splinters on his hand and his sinuses clogged with far too much dust. His effort doesn’t always equate to the best but he gives what he always has when you’re in the equation.

It’s a wooden box for your rings, a shallow heart with your initials carved on the inside. It’s smooth even without the varnish, a stark contrast to his hands that are all rough from doing all the labor.

“I can’t give you jewelry that you already have.”

Jungkook admits to you whole-heartedly, sitting at the end of the bed while he watches you admire the box in your vanity.

“But I can make shirts for you. Stitch up your name real nicely on my chest pocket,” he offers, the smile on his lips growing. “I can make furniture for you,” he shrugs, chuckling at himself. “I can’t guarantee that it’s usable but I can make furniture a little.”

You smile so warmly that Jungkook forgets all of the little pains, melting away his fatigue. If you could put all the love you have for Jungkook in a single space, even the mansion the two of you reside in won’t be enough.

“Cooking too. I can also cook a-and make perfect rice and I promise to remember how you like your eggs in the morning.”

Jungkook knows it to heart by now, even without the reminder he’s written himself pasted on the counter. Your eyes were just so glossy and moist that Jungkook can’t help but to spring to your side, patting them dry with his shirt.

Your husband wipes away your tears even before they could form and it pushes them out further, the voice in your throat dwindling. It’s the cheap and rusting mood ring on his ring finger that gets you to sob, seeing the faint green outline that it leaves.

He takes notice of your observation, understanding that jewelry means much  more to you that he could comprehend which is why he’s quick to remedy your thoughts.

“I can always get tattoos of you if that’s what you want,” he continues, smiling sheepishly. “Actually, that’s what I want.”

Jungkook takes off his ring and it forces you to blink away your tears, lips parting open when it clicks.

It’s your initials on Jungkook’s ring finger, recognizing it as your own handwriting. 

You’re filled with a great amount of gratitude that runs even deeper than the ink on Jungkook’s skin, making you sniffle and it gets him to bury your face against his chest while he shushes you.

“Why would you get that?”

It belatedly hits you that since you took your wedding bands, your husband’s left ring finger had not been vacant since. 

“Because you sold our rings,” Jungkook shrugs, the look of ease on his face evident. “You sold them but we’re still married to each other,” he gently kisses your temple, letting you hold his hand to look at the tattoo closer. “We’re married. I still want people to know that I’m married to you.”

“Well,” you clear your throat, distraught with your emotions. “Your mood ring says you’re sad.”

“Passionate would be the term,” he sniffles, transferring the cheap ring to your finger. He giggles when it changes colors immediately, the timing of the situation being impeccable. “Okay now my ring says you’re happy.”

“Are you?” he asks whilst laughing but the both of you know it bears a weight.

“I am,” you answer just as seriously. “We’re okay, Jungkook. I forgive you.”

If you ask Jungkook what would his greatest joy and his greatest pain be, both answers would be you.

“Is your tattoo artist still around?” you ask while he puts you close to his chest, snapping him out of his trance.

“What for?”

“I think I want to match your permanent ring.”

“Are you real?” he mutters to himself, questioning your existence that he still isn’t sure if he deserves to have and love for the rest of his life. “Are you really real? You exist?”

“Yeah, he’s still around but I’d rather do it on you myself,” Jungkook answers eventually, returning the question. “Is that okay? Let me learn for a few months and I’ll tattoo my initials on you myself?”

You furrow your brows, not a single doubt placed on you if your husband was the one to tattoo you. “Yeah, but is that okay with you? You’re the only one who’s gonna have me on you for a couple more months. I can’t reciprocate because you want to ink me yourself.”

Jungkook only smiles, the warmth enough to outshine the sun.

“That’s not new to me,” he reassures you. “I loved you even before I married you.”

[kookwashere]

A december kind of love

paring: reader x jungkook, wife/husband

sum: you and jungkook have been married for almost a year and this is your first christmas coming up together as a newly married couple, how will you both spend the start of your holiday season?

warnings: cute nicknames, smut later on in story (big dick jk and unprotected) explicit language, mentions of pregnancy, mentions of oc's trauma (r*pe and abuse), story in lowercase on purpose, please keep these in mind.

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the mistletoe, the little piece green plucked from nature decorated with holiday berries and a bow, hanging in front of a door.

you're arms were wrapped around his neck, his hands resting on your waist, staring in each others eyes in the doorway.

"it's a mistletoe, pretty girl, you know what that means?" he asked, his voice soft.

"of course i know what it means, what about it?" you whispered to him.

he leaned in and kissed your plump red lips. "you know, i've dreamed about spending this holiday for you for as long as i can remember." he said while pulling back

you smiled and played with his hair while looking into his eyes, "it's going to be a good season, huh?" you said.

"the best." he said while leaning in once again to kiss you under the mistletoe.

you smiled and kissed him back again, then your little niece came running in the room. "ooooh! mommy, aunt ____ and uncle kook are kissing again!" you heard her little voice and pulled away from jungkook.

"what are you doing haley? weren't you with your mom?" you asked bending down to her level. "mommy doesn't know i got out of the room...well i guess she does now that i called for her..." she realized. you just giggled and came back up to jungkook.

haley's mom come out, your older sister. "____, sorry she got out, i really tried to keep an eye on her but i got a call and turned around for one second and-" she started rambling "hey, hey- don't worry, i love my little haley." you said and smiled down at her. "and i love her too." jungkook said as he picked up haley in his arms and blew raspberries on her cheek, her cute little giggles filled the room.

"wow, i can't believe it's december already, i feel like all the months went by so fast, i cannot be the only one." you said with your hands on your hips. "no, i agree, it felt like yesterday i asked you to marry me." jungkook said with a smile on his face

"oh please, that felt like 1910." you said jokingly. "did it really feel that long ago?" he asked. "well, i was joking but in some ways it kind of does, i can already see your grey hair koo." you teased, fingers curling around his raven locks.

"what?? no, are you serious?" he panicked and ran to the bathroom to see. "koo, baby- i was just kidding, your still my handsome late 20 year old hubby." you said and pecked his cheek.

"shit, don't do that to me baby, you know wasting money on hair dye is not my thing." he breathed out with his hand over his heart.

you giggled and continued to put up more decorations around your house, your sister was just staying over for the holidays, "trust me, i know jungkook." you said walking away, still giggling.

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you and jungkook were lying in your shared bed, your head resting against his bare chest, his arm around your waist and hand resting on your hip, his other arm under his head, you drew circles on his chest in a pattern that he liked.

"i can't believe it, our first christmas coming up as a married couple." he mumbled out. you nodded and smiled. "crazy, isn't it?" you said against his chest. "i wonder if like 5 or 7 years from now, or whenever, we'll have our own little family, them jumping on our bed christmas morning saying 'santa came!'...i don't know, it's kind of stupid isn't it?" he chuckled.

"no koo, it's not stupid at all, i'm just shocked because i thought you said you didn't want kids." you looked up at him.

"yeah in my junior year of high school silly, but now that i met the love of my life and matured, that's my second big dream." he looked down back at you. "your second? what's your first?" you asked curiously.

"to spend the rest of my life with you until we are buried next to each other 6 feet underground." he smiled.

"hmmm, you little romantic dork." you flicked his forehead. "ow! what was that for?" he said putting his hand on his forehead.

"it's my love language if you forgot, i thought you knew that!" you pouted. "nah i didn't forget baby, just startled me." he chuckled and looked into your eyes. "do you remember my love language?" he asked softly.

"no i don't, do you maybe mind showing me?" you said just as softly back. he tucked a piece of hair behind your ear and slowly leaned in, connecting your lips.

your hands found the back of his neck and the kiss melting ever so softly, it just felt so right. he knew he was getting carried away, you both did, but you both needed this right now.

"kook- haley is right next to us in the other room..." you said breaking the kiss. "i guess you'll have to be quiet then, yeah?" he said kissing down your neck, sliding his hands up your night gown.

you held onto his shoulders as he kissed right between your breasts, his hands discarding the night gown.

he came back up to you but his fingers didn't, no, his fingers went down, under your panties, finding your excitement that came from that heated kiss, and just him himself.

"already wet? we just kissed baby, how cute..." he teased. "stop jungkook, please..." you said while gripping his shoulders tighter.

he kissed you again, tongues interlocking, his fingers sliding into your entrance, you moaned but you quickly stopped when you remembered haley or your sister could wake up any moment.

jungkook slid another finger in, shortly a second one, his index finger, middle finger and ring finger all in there. "gotta stretch you out again, it's been awhile." he groaned out. you moaned at his words. "you liked that huh? you dirty girl..." he teased sexily. "kook, g-gonna-" you couldn't finish your sentence because he pulled his fingers out. "i don't think so, cmere." he said and flipped you onto your fours. he quickly took off his boxers, grabbing his heavy length and slapping it against your ass cheek.

"i don't have a condom, is this okay?" he asked quietly. "yes, fuck jungkook, just please put it in." you whined desperately. he bit his lip and lined up his member, sliding it in easily because of your wetness.

"oh my fucking god, fuck baby..." you heard from behind you, your hands pressed against the headboard, moaning as quiet as you can.

his thrusts started to get meaner, but still gentle with you. your moans were started to get louder. "shhh, i should've put my cock in your mouth before to teach you what it's like to be quiet, you disobedient girl." he slapped your ass while thrusting into you. "i-im sorry, i-i- oh my god... i'm trying..." you moaned out, your hand cupping over your mouth to try and be quiet. "mmm." he moaned out, each thrust against you, your ass rippled against him.

"yeah? you like this huh? i do too, i fucking love it, i fucking love you." he said moaning. "i- fuck! i love you too." you whined put. "i'm gonna cum baby, can i cum inside? can i cum inside your tight little pussy?" he said, his thrusts losing that fast steady pattern. "fuck, please jungkook..." you said about to lose it. you felt a pressure in your belly, your eyes rolling back while letting out the sluttiest, beautiful, hottest moan jungkook has heard. just a few seconds after, jungkook came inside you with a loud groan and a strong grip on your ass.

you felt over, breathing heavily, jungkook doing the same. after a few minutes he got up with a warm towel, gently cleaning you both up, with the bed.

"go pee baby." jungkook said gently patting your thigh. you groaned, you were so comfy though. "okay, stay here." you said wrapping a towel around your body. "of course." he smiled tiredly. you went to the bathroom and came back, and joined jungkook in his open arms.

"thank you." you whispered while hugging him. "no, thank you." he said back, hugging you even tighter.

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you woke up in the morning, and yawned, looked over to your side to see your husband beside you. "hey baby, good morning." you whispered, pecking his forehead. he's out of it. you giggled seeing him snore like a beast." you got out of bed, and went over to your full sized mirror, seeing all the love marks jungkook left on your body. your neck, your breasts, your thighs. you sighed, you didn't sigh because you were mad, fuck, you felt like a canvas that was painted by the best artist. you sighed because these marks were good, unlike previous ones you had.

"baby, what's wrong?" you heard a deep voice behind you. "oh good morning! it's nothing." you said looking at him and smiling. "i know when something is wrong, tell me, please." he said holding both of your hands. you hesitated a moment, looking into his eyes.

you sighed giving in. "do you remember i told you the relationship with my father was not good, at all?" you asked tilting your head. "you mentioned it a few times, what's wrong?" he said squeezing your hands.

"when i was 9, my father was always out, he went to clubs, he drinked, cheated on my mom numorous times, it was like that every night. he would come home and throw me and my sister in a closet, locking us in there until we 'learned our lesson'." you looked down your lap. "he burned cigars on our skin, he slapped our mother right infront of us, he threw us and slapped us aswell, it was like that until one night, he was super drunk, more than usual, my sister and mom were already locked in a closet, god knows what happened to them, i was playing with the only barbie i had. i remember him randomly grabbing my arm, throwing me on the bed..then..." you couldn't finish the sentence.

"i'm so sorry, i knew i should have told you earlier but i thought you would think of me differently and then-" you cried "hey, ___, baby- it's okay, shh, your okay baby." he said and pulled you to his chest. "that's why im so close with my sister, just a couple years after that we found out our mom had died and our dad eventually was put in jail...my sister was the one that took care of me, she was always there for me, that's why i'm trying to do the same for her right now." you said, still crying but not as much.

"awww baby...," he whispered. "i don't think any differently of you, if anything...i think your so brave, your such a strong, intelligent, brave woman, that's a reason i fell in love with you, more than you would ever know." he whispered connecting your foreheads.

you smiled and hugged him. "i love you jungkook, i love you so much." you said in his neck.

"i love you more, ____."

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you were still decorating the christmas tree when you realized you forgot to put the star on top, how silly of you. you couldn't even fucking reach the top. "jungkook?" you yelled. "can you help me put the star on the tree?" he came almost immediately, "don't worry, i got you." he smiled.

"thank you." you stepped back so he could work his magic. the star lit up on the tree and it really did pull all of it together. haley came running into the room. "mommy, look! it's a star!" she said with a big toothy smile. "sure is haley, isn't it beautiful?" your sister said. "yes! it's so beautiful like me!" she said confidently.

all three of you giggled agreeing. "i have a really good feeling this is going to be a good christmas and that 2024 is going to come with wonderful things." you said to your sister and jungkook. "i agree." your sister nodded while smiling, staring at the beautiful tree.

jungkook took your hand and kissed the top of it. "as beautiful as this tree is, i have something more beautiful that i can look at every single day." he said looking at you. "maybe in 2024 there will be surprises, sadness, joy, love, but whatever it is, im in it with you, and for the rest of the years to come." he said smiling, taking your hand and leading you under the mistletoe once again.

"you slick boy." you said smiling, leaning in to kiss him again, of course with haley teasing both of you and showing her mother. "you cute girl." he said back, leaning into kiss you again.

yeah, this will be a good year.

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that's it!! i hope you liked this little christmas treat, i'm just posting this now because i'm going to be busy the rest of december but wanted to do something 🥺 i hope everyone has a merry christmas and a happy new year! 💜

[kth1]

Office Santa (M) [JJK]

Office Santa [Jungkook x Female Reader]

⟶ Pairing: Jungkook x Female Reader ⟶ Genre: Office!Au, Holiday Party!Au, Christmas!Au, PWP, One-Shot, 18+ ⟶ WC: 7.4k+ ⟶ Warnings: alcohol, swearing, oral (m), fingering, small tit-play, unprotected sex, etc ⟶ Summary: On the verge of leaving the office Christmas party, you find a reason to stay just a little bit longer. ⟶ Author’s Note: This came to me on a whim. It’s been a long while since I’ve written for Jungkook, so I’m happy I finally could muster something for you readers! Currently I have not gotten a beta, please excuse any grammar mistakes. If you see something, kindly message me and help your girl out. Other than that, please enjoy this little fic!

Masterlist ⁂ Mail Box 

It’s your typical, over the top, annual Christmas office party. Suffering at the hands of HTU Tech’s lame excuse to extend congratulations to their employees for pouring endless hours of their life to keep the company on the ground. Being a lead systems engineer isn’t exactly what you wanted for yourself, but it comes easy when you surpass all your education with flying colors. It immediately landed you a career with one of the most renowned internet companies, and shortly after being hired you moved up the rankings.

But enough about you. You can care less about going on with your achievements as you aimlessly sip your dry martini. The olive speared stirrer gives you entertainment as you pretend to listen to your coworkers speak among another. Your true entertainment lands on the male standing across the busy room with his blonde hair teased and tucked behind a jeweled ear – showing off the dark undercut that hides beneath. The color is toned and perfectly compliments his gorgeous skin shade; you’ve always had thoughts of asking him who his hairdresser is. 

He wears all black. A silk button up with sleeves rolled up his forearms and tucked in at the waist, secured with a belt with a gold chape. Drawings of black ink tattooed into his skin peek out on his right forearm — you have never once seen them all in their full beauty or how deliciously far up they roam on his body. But you would give a thousand hours, maybe more, of your precious time to find out.

He’s your supervisor, Jeon Jungkook. At the ripe age of 30, he is the youngest chief technical officer known to the area. His father, the CEO of the company is to thank for his current status. But from all you know of Jungkook, he’s a perfectionist at heart. If he couldn’t handle the stresses of a CTO, he probably wouldn’t be placed in such a position.

You have no complaints on the matter. Month in and month out, you’re greeted with his presence. And boy, do you have a massive crush on this stallion of a male. The funny thing is, you don’t need to admit such admiration out in the open. Jungkook surely knows simply by the way you interact with him. With hopeless eyes and kind gestures of doing nearly everything he asks of you, he has you eating right out of the palms of his hands without even trying.

Jungkook entertains it – your crush. With subtle glints of flirtations and constantly blessing you with his attendance in your office. You would even dare to say he enjoys a good venting session. You’ve become something like an open ear for him, someone he can just speak with during work.

It’s only stayed within work too – the contact. Not once have you and Jungkook interacted outside these building walls. Neither one of you attempted to do so. And perhaps that’s best.

Because as the crowded office continues to fill with 200 of HTU Tech employees, you realize how large the world is. How many obstacles and potential roadblocks there can be if you even attempted to speak to Jungkook outside of a work occasion. The safety of finding out more of him would only be the times in your office while you diligently type away at your computer and hack and create codings.

Your martini disappears over the course of time as you continue to glance over at Jungkook who casually sips from his whiskey glass. It’s filled with scotch and an orange slice – called a Rusty Nail. You reckon he’s been tipping those back for hours now. All the while the party continues to exist and expand, stretching into the colder hours of the night.

Jungkook catches your eyes a few times. It always sends heat to your body and your heart begins racing. You want to blame the alcohol or the infuriating holiday lights gleaming down brightly, but you know the truth.

Even when you are never given a real sign of Jungkook’s interest in you, nothing concrete, you still hope there can be something. You cling onto the idea of him maybe one day slipping like when one steps on black ice. Hidden and deadly. Where your feet take out from under you and you land straight on your ass. That’s what you secretly crave and pray for.

A waiter comes over with a tray and another dry martini for you and you happily grab at the thin glass stem, bringing the liquid to your lips as you touch the rim. You’re not drinking your sorrows away, you’re just trying to enjoy the rest of the party before you depart back to your lonely apartment.

“And you still choose not to dance,” one of your closer coworkers, Jessi, comments. Her lips are pursed in displeasure.

“I’m not much of a dancer,” you reply with a shrug.

The subtle heat burning down your throat from the alcohol is preferred in comparison to the pain your heels would endure if you danced the night away. Who wants their feet to be achy?

Jessi places a hand on your shoulder to give you an encouraging nudge, “I’m sure you’re lying.”

“It will be a secret you’ll never find out,” you stubbornly sit firm. You give her a brief warning look through the corner of your eyes, hoping she understands to not press you on the matter. “Besides, I’ll be heading out soon anyways. I’m getting uncomfortable being here longer than I need to be.”

A scoff resounds next to you, Jessi rolling her eyes while she admits defeat. She tosses her hair over her shoulder, leaning back into her chair as her eyes scan the dancefloor. It’s not that she needs you to go out there and enjoy herself, she’s perfectly fine on her own. But seeing her office buddy do nothing after dolling herself up is a bitter disappointment.

“I’m sure you’d catch the eye of you-know-who if you were out there.”

You shove yourself from the table, your chair protests with a skidding sound against the tiled floor below you. Your eyes snap to Jessi as you stand, gathering your minibag under your arm.

“I don’t need to dance to get his attention. I can easily have a conversation with him if I cared to. And I don’t,” you lie.

There’s a chime that rings from your cell phone. As you gather your coat from the back of your seat, you spy the notorious name on the bright screen in the palm of your hand. A small smirk grows on your lips before you chug the rest of your martini, letting the base of the glass on the table with a thud.

“See ya,” Jessi doesn’t spare you another glance. Already moved on to newer interests as her hand slides around the arm of the man sitting next to her. She knows she has lost you for the night, but unbothered by your quick withdrawal.

You gather yourself, walking away from the bulk of the party towards the stairs. With your nose in your phone, you walk your way towards your office one step at a time. Grinning ear to ear at the flutter of texts that gained your desperate attention.

[Superior J]: Where are you heading to?

[You]: Mind your business

[Superior J]: Is that any way to speak to your boss?

[You]: I didn’t realize I was texting the CEO…

[Superior J]: 🙄

[Superior J]: I’m still above you

[Superior J]: The gift exchange hasn’t happened yet

[You]: I know. 

[You]: I’m just grabbing my gift from my office and heading out after 👍

Your feet have brought you straight to the frame of your office door, distant from the busy gathering. Quiet. A white board with writing and magnets hang on the outside, notes and random drawings are littered across its expanse. Your freshly manicured fingers press into the keypad that unlocks your door with a special code – 0711 – and with the click of the door closing behind you you step further into your personal office.

Inside, you flick on a small light after you place your belongings on top of your desk. Aimless papers are scattered around, loads of your hard work on full display as you piece everything together like a diagram. The mess only makes sense to you; if any prying eyes dare to decipher what you have riddled all across your entire office, they’d be stuck in here all week.

One of your filing cabinets – the one decorated like a snowman made out of office supplies – holds the gift for your Secret Santa. You placed it here because it was easy to remember.

A bluetooth speaker and small flowering bonsai plant kit. It blossoms a blush toned flower during the spring and even during the fall with proper care. The wireless speaker is just an added bonus to the gift. You tied red and green ribbons around each of them, a bit lazy on your end but still maintained your festive requirements. You’re positive that your office-buddy, Namjoon — the one in the HR department, would enjoy these given his love for soft instrumental music and plant-life.

Two taps hit the other side of your office door. From the blurred glass you can see the silhouette of a person who shifts on their heels. You step up to the door, swinging it open to reveal a tall and handsome Jungkook, standing there with two empty glasses secured between his fingers and a highly expensive bottle of red wine in the other. He holds them up with a toothy grin on his face. Jungkook’s jaw slackens as he slowly eyes you up and down, running his tongue along his pearly whites. Your heart skips a beat when his gaze jumps to lock eyes with yours. You can clearly see the powerful, hungered vigor brewing in those deep brown irises that glint with mischief. One single eyebrow raise and you already lose any leverage you thought you could have on him.

There is a weakness you have towards a man who looks fine in a dress shirt and pants. Even more of a weakness with someone who has styled locks, a sharp jawline, determined nature, and an alternative edge to their appearance.

Almost like a bad boy who dresses up far too nicely. Where blacks, grays, and the occasional tans are his color pallet. Form fitting to his toned body which you can only guess he must have based on how the clothes fit on him.

You sigh in defeat, opening up a way for Jungkook to waltz right past you and into your office as if he owns the place. He settles the bottle and glasses on an open space on your desk, already twisting the top off and pouring the sinful liquid equally between the two full-bodied wine glasses. The bottle reads 1990 Chateau Petrus; the name alone sends a chill down the base of your spine.

“Not too much,” you refer to the glass half full. Your office door closes behind you as you walk towards the desk. “I’ve had plenty enough to drink tonight.”

Jungkook lifts your glass toward you, his ring clad fingers draw your sight instantly. “It’s expensive, I requested this one personally when we hired the open bar,” he announces. “You’ll enjoy it.”

You give him a sly look as you narrow your eyes at him, holding up the glass to your nose to inhale a quick whiff. To label the smell – it smells expressive and sophisticated, like a ripe fruit mixed with vanilla aromas. 

Almost like how you can describe the man who is standing in front of you.

He grins to himself as he waits to clink his glass with yours, a nonverbal cheer between the two of you – but for what? You don’t know. The dark red wine tastes extremely silky and mixed with a superb flavor concentration. Muscular but refined and toned. 

Almost just like how you think he must be under those black clothes.

The two of you tilt back a delicious portion of the liquid and each settle with a coquettish moan. An unnecessary sound for both of your ears, but neither one of you protest the act.

“Not bad,” you state as your eyes watch the liquid swirl in your glass.

“Better than those dry martinis you enjoyed yourself with,” Jungkook teases. He decides to sit in your chair as he lounges back to find himself in a comfortable position. His free hand begins to flick through random pieces of paper among your desk while avoiding the coat and purse you have plopped on the surface.

“Probably better than that pathetic excuse of that scotch you favor so much.”

You see how the playful bluntness fuels Jungkook to another level. It stirs something inside him and possibly that is why he confines in you more often than so.

“Want to tell me what these papers are all about?” He points a few packets stapled together. “Important or just brainstorming?”

“Brainstorming is important,” you admit. You snatch a clump of papers up with one hand, placing them to the side in a bin and away from Jungkook’s prying eyes. “You wouldn’t have a chance of understanding this. It’s all disorganized right now. Besides, we’re not working right now. So unless you want to pay me for discussing work-related things, then I suggest you change the topic.”

You watch as Jungkook refuses to look up at you as his eyes remain busy looking at your etchings and symbols written on your desk. His tongue prods the inside of his cheek ever-so-slightly, just enough to know you’re winding him up. The lines in his cheeks stand out when he sucks in. You would be stuck there for ages just staring at how attractive it is until the shine of his earrings catches your attention, glinting in the low lighted room.

“Fair enough,” he speaks. His wine glass is emptied into his mouth before placing it to the side. Finally, he is ready to give you his undivided attention. “Then talk to me about your choice of attire for tonight,” his hand points as he nods at you. “This,” — he smiles with his eyes as they trail you from head to toe — “Has nothing to do with work.”

A crushed burgundy velvet dress stretches around each curve of your body all the way down to your ankles. It’s cut from spaghetti straps, dipping low enough to tease any eye of your upper chest. Personally, you love the feeling of the fabric as you run your hands across it. Not only does it feel great, but it also tames your nerves whenever they act up — coaxing you calm. To match the lovely piece, you paired a black leather jacket with shiny silver buckles. Your heels help you stand taller, strapped around the front of your foot with a classy rounded toe, sparkling with silver.

Of course this is not your typical work clothes; it is a holiday party after all. And you surely are not the only one who is ‘dressed up’ for the occasion. Even Jungkook wears a franicer brand of clothes. He’s just not entertaining the spirit with reds or greens.

Typically in a work environment, everything — and you do mean everything — is strictly business. There’s no foolish nonsense or slacking off in this office. When your superior, Jungkook, wants something he expects to receive it in a timely manner. Sure he plays around with the ideas of certain phrases or words that will leave a lingering thought in your head. Teasing you with lighthearted flirtation; that’s just how Jungkook communicates.

But the way he looks at you right now, as if you are a meal he wants to devour, ignites something deep inside of you, causing a wave of arousal to flood your senses. It’s nearly haunting with his hooded eyes hiding the lust that pools in them. It’s a different look than you’re used to and it’s turning you on, making your insides turn and do flips with excitement.

“It’s a holiday party,” you remind him of the obvious. Heat sparks inside your body, “It’s a perfect excuse to dress up. Do you like it?”

Jungkook contemplates his response with pursed lips. He gives you a questionable look, one that looks like he’ll ask you “are you serious?”

“Of course.” His words come out clean and smooth. There is no hesitation with the truth dripping from his lips. He announces his likeness with confidence as his eyes remain glued to you. “It’s different from what I normally see you in, even the make-up,” he states the obvious, “Maybe we should change the dress code.”

You laugh with a scoff, shaking your head as you favor another sip of your wine. “I don’t think most of the staff can handle dressing up to this extent every day for work.”

Jungkook leans forward in the chair to rest his elbows on his knees. He engages his direction at you, tilting his head to the left as bleached strands of hair carelessly fall flat against his face. You can tell he’s ran his hands through his golden mane at least a hundred times tonight with the lack of styled gel or hairspray — making his usual upkept style look disarrayed and messy. It’s so inviting to you, creating images in your head as if you were the one to run your fingers through it and fist it. Under the low light of your office you also still notice his black roots that protrude so dominantly from the blonde. It’s like a bright, beautiful sunshine trying to hide the darkness and failing to do so.

“I was talking about now,” he admits with a quick wiggle to his eyebrows.

You don’t take the hint at first. Thinking immediately how this can just be another trick up his sleeve to get you flustered. How your soft pining for months on end has only ever been a fun game for Jungkook and teasing and toying with you; you assume this is just another occasion. 

So it’s no surprise to him when you still yourself in place, freezing under the pressure of a possible ‘what if' solution. The glass tightens in your hold as your mind washes over with endless thoughts of Jungook’s suggestive approach.

“Excuse me?” The words come out panicked, you don’t mean for it to.

Jungkook gives you that cheeky smile — the one that you know he’s satisfied with a good joke or when he first tastes a well made grilled pork belly (you can thank all the group office lunches for knowing this one). He stands suddenly, angling his body enough to lean his lower half against the edge of your desk. His movement makes you take a quick step back, but as you see him comfortably making himself a spot you ease up on the tension building inside of you.

He opens up his palm toward you and offers his hand to take. A clear cut sign that he’s requesting you. He moves his fingers in a come-hither motion, beckoning you to step in front of him.

“I’m saying you look absolutely stunning tonight, Y/n, and I want to see what you’re hiding underneath all that.”

The pounding of your heart only gets louder as it practically bursts out of your chest. You pray that Jungkook doesn’t hear it beating so rapidly. There’s a delay with your step, but you slowly reach out with your free hand nonetheless.

Jungkook pulls you in softly when his fingers hook around your palm, enclosing your hand with his. You slot perfectly right between his legs that act as a shield, caging you inside a smaller area and closing the space between the two of you. The warmth of his thick thighs barely touch either side of you, it sets a blaze within your body.

Tentatively, Jungkook caresses your wrist, guiding his hand up the underside of your arm to your elbow and soon to your waist. His fingers fiddle with the velvety smooth material of your dress, sketching small circles into the crushed pattern.

Heat takes over your body, you can feel it like flames are engulfing you. You’re far beyond a melting point. You’re being burned by the impressions his body is leaving on you, branding the memory and physical feeling to your skin. The ghost of Jungkook’s touch will now and forever come to your wake, reminding you how dangerously deadly he truly is to your well being.

“Don’t be shy,” he whispers as he politely takes the wine glass from your hold and places it aside. 

Jungkook licks his lips when the palm of his hand wraps around the small of your back. He nudges you even closer, making your thighs squeeze between his. You’re face to face with Jungkook as your hands begin to clam up and pussy begins to drip onto your panties. You can feel your nerves messing with your body, shaking your hands when you gently slide them to his upper chest, feeling the way his pectorals flex under the first contact. Even through a silk material, you can tell he’s fully defined — ripped and plump. The tips of his nipples stand out as they harden because of you, roaming your digits across his full chest.

Oh, you’re such a whore for a good rack on a man. Even more of a whore for him with his strong shoulders that sit relaxed with muscle, high and mighty, stretching the black material painfully tight around them. The most sinful of whores when those are paired with long lengthy legs that are defined by the Gods themselves, in which your supervisor just so happens to have. 

Jeon Jungkook is completely unfair to you. He quite literally hits all the check marks of what you find attractive in a man. And here he is, reeling you in like a fish caught on a line of his rod.

Speaking of that… You swallow thickly as you fight to look past his handsome chiseled features and toward his pelvis. Seeing how his dress pants bunch up from the angle of his legs but also from a hardening cock that is in the beginnings of straining against the material. That’s when you release a deep exhale of realization. Where you know this isn’t some game and what Jungkook is doing to you is because he is affected by you too.

“J-Jungkook?” you question with shock. The anxiety of fever courses through your body like race cars speeding on their track, running laps around in circles. You’re quite ready to burst like how a balloon does when too much air fills it up.

“Shh,” he attempts to hush you. He keeps his voice calm and low, maintaining confidence. His head leans towards you, slotting it dangerously close to the nook of your neck. Jungkook catches a whiff of your perfume as his nose runs up your skin. “I want to give you this if you let me.”

You shiver with a light moan escaping your throat. The contact alone makes your nipples rise and legs squeeze together. Your fists tighten on his shirt, accidentally pulling out the top button in the jist of the action.

“Give me what?” You dare ask.

Jungkook’s mouth hovers over your neck. Hot, heated breath fanning out. Your nails threaten to scratch over the fabric, talons coming to grip onto reality. He smiles with a hum, his eyes shutting as he nuzzles his face. His lips press into your pulsepoint, peppering small kisses up and down. You barely can feel the light sensation of the tip of his tongue leaving a line of saliva on your skin.

“My dick,” he states. “We don’t have too much time. They’re beginning to give out gifts downstairs.”

You gasp when Jungkook’s teeth scrap over you, pulling at the taut skin of your neck. He grins to himself when he hears your reaction and feels when you wiggle in his grasp. You can go weak at the knees in an instant from his touch, his heedy flattery. The one thing he doesn’t read from your body language or voice is any form of protest. And he takes it as a green light, to continue his pursuit to you.

“We shouldn’t,” you gulp. “What if someone is looking for us?”

“Nobody will be looking for you” – he kisses your jawline – “Because I’m your Secret Santa and I’ve already found you.”

You feel his fingers grip your jaw as Jungkook leans back just enough to stare up at you through lust filled eyes. He wears a lopsided grin. His beautiful brown eyes are trained on your lipstick covered lips and he can’t help but wonder how they look over his cock. With your sharp tongue and blunt responses he fully believes you can do wonders with this beautiful mouth of yours.

“Fuck,” you curse with an angered whine. You’re completely lost when you gaze over his features. Admiring the few and far speckled moles and freckles that decorate his caramel skin. “You’re infuriating, do you know that?” Your inflamed anger – anguish – takes over. The rage within you is not true fury. It’s the annoyance of how easily you become such a little vexed slut for him. Aggravated because you simply cannot say no to this man. “You’re so annoying!”

“You like me,” he teases. He raises his eyebrows to taunt you as well. “I could ask you to jump and you’ll say “How high?”.”

“You’re right,” you declare. To give him the satisfaction of being right. Your hands run up to hook around his sturdy neck, feeling the buzzed undercut on the tips of your fingers. “And you love it,” you throw shade back to him. Giving him a taste of his own medicine.

“I loved it the moment I realized how easy it is for me to get under your skin. Having such an obedient body underneath my guidance. Listening intentionally to each of my words.”

You know he’s referencing work, but he purposely uses certain phrases and sayings to draw your imagination to another realm. A different, dirtier, dimension.

Jungkook runs his hands along the sides of your body, crunching up pieces of your dress with his fists. He pulls you flatter against him, closing any proximity between the two of you, and finally you feel it. A hardened cock right against your front, caged inside the barricades of his pants. He holds you there, waiting for your move.

And you give in so easily. Pulling his face towards you as you lock your lips onto his, nearly smashing into another from all the months of pining and longing for his touch. You taste him the second he sneaks his tongue out, licking at the seam of your lips and prodding inside of your mouth. His hand reaches around to cup an asscheek, squeezing the bulk of it tightly.

You run your fingers up the base of his scalp, grooming his precious locks and messing them up further. Jungkook continues to push you onto him as you’re happily willing to lean your entire body. Pressing yourself further into the clutches of your supervisor.

“I want to suck you off,” you mumble against his lips. You hear the rattling of his belt buckle loosening up along his waist – Jungkook clearly would like that very much. “Right now!”

It’s all in a haste with the time constraints going against the two of you, so you waste no seconds in between. Dropping quickly to your knees as you assist Jungkook with releasing his cock from the obstacle of his zipper.

As it finally reveals, you don’t spare a moment to appreciate for all it’s worth. The length, the girth, the beautiful round of his mushroom cockhead – not even the beautiful protruding veins from the underside of his shaft.

None of that matters right now. You gobble down a mouthful before he’s able to shove the material of his pants down his thighs. Lips latching around the circumference of his cock as you stick your tongue out while sliding down further. You lather him up with your spit, making the glide of your mouth smoother as you coat him. He tastes a little salty, probably from a long day's use, but you like it. It’s almost hinted with a powdery musk that reminds you of sandalwood and rose petals – or maybe that’s just the alcohol confusing you. Whichever it may be, you fully devour the length of Jungkook with eagerness. Sliding his whole extent inside of your mouth and down your throat.

It reaches past the opening of your throat, stretching it wide to accommodate as much as possible. Your nose presses right into the trimmed pubes on his pelvis as you settle there to acknowledge and value the sweet, sweet soft whines escaping from Jungkook. His hand, running hot from how heated he’s become, places itself on the back of your head. Guiding you up and down on his shaft.

You’re slobbering all over him, using your fingers to pull his briefs and the elastic of his pants further down to not dirty them with your saliva.

Jungkook quickly becomes a mess of light tenor whines. It fuels your ambitions toward him, knowing you’re causing such an approving feeling of pleasure for him. He sounds amazing, even tastes amazing as you flatten out your tongue and lick right up his shaft.

But suddenly you rip away from his cock, pulsating with how close and desperate his orgasm is. He leans there, jaw-slackened and in a trance of betrayal from having pleasure ripped right out from under him and a fading climax.

Turning around, you tease the idea of your body as you raise your dress slowly. You look over your shoulder as you wiggle your hips, with the full intent to provoke Jungkook, to make him snap out of his daze. You use the high slit in your dress to reveal more of your upper thigh, showing Jungkook how easy of an access he can have. All he needs to do is come and get it.

Jungkook’s hands shoot out to grab at your elbows, pulling you back against him. Ass flat against the seat of his lap, molding you against him. You arch your back just enough to make your ass stick out more prominently, nudging right onto his slickened cock.

“Lift,” he pushes the material of your dress up. His hands roam greedily across your front, one dipping between the junction of your thighs to feel the sheer thong you wear and the other groping one of your boobs. Jungkook can feel how wet you are for him, using his rough fingertips to run along the slit of your folds, pressing the material of your panties into you. “You’re so dirty. So wet. I can’t wait to fuck you onto my dick.”

“C-Condom?,” you choke out a moan. He pinches at your nipple as his skillful fingers pull your panties aside and dips two of them into your leaking cunt. Jungkook’s face presses into your shoulder as he breathes out heavily, trying to draw your last breath out of you to make you breathless. “Jungkook! Condom!”

“I have one just for you,” he says with gruff. He plunges two fingers inside of your entrance, curling them sinfully once he hits the second knuckle. A sigh emits from his mouth, “Right in my wallet. Downstairs in my jacket.” He grasps your tit greedily, making it near to painful as he vigorously finger-fucks you. “Whoops,” he laughs sarcastically. Jungkook spreads his fingers in a scissoring motion, rotating them to spread your walls open. A sobbing moan leaves your throat as your legs begin to shake. 

You clench around his fingers and dirty words – how carelessly he just so happened to forget a condom. But his mouth is not making love to the shoulder of your skin as the strap of your dress falls down your shoulder, his fingers spellbind you and coax your mind into thinking that being irresponsible is better tasting than sugar.

“You’re kidding me,” you laugh. You’re slickening up his fingers with your arousal, making it easier for him to shove another one in. You spread open your legs wider, letting your head fall back onto his shoulder.

“Will you let me fuck you like this?” He whispers against your shoulder. Lips tormenting you as he sucks against a piece of flesh. “Raw?”

His bewitching capability with his hands along makes you fall harder for the idea. It twists the thoughts into your mind and floods your senses with only wanting one thing – which is pleasure.

“Or,” he huffs, “Shall I finger you until you’re right on the brink of cumming into my hand. Then tear away that chance just how you did me? I can draw it out for hours, making your body ache with tense muscles and a teased pussy. Would you like that?”

“We’re in a time crunch,” you remind him. “There’s no hours here to have.”

“Then decide fast,” he bites. His fingers dive deeper into your pussy, producing an obscenely loud squelching noise.

Your mouth goes dry with how you desperately breathe. You need him. You want him.

“Fuck it. Make it fast,” you surrender.

Jungkook traps your body immediately under him, swapping your bodies and twisting you around to press you against the desk. He feels heavy and blazing warm, tension rising as his own desperation comes pouring out of him. 

His hand collects the train of your dress and lifts it high above your ass as his hand presses you down against the top of all your scattered papers and coat. Jungkook grips his large hand around the naked base of his cock, tugging at it and squeezing every time it throbs in his hold. His fingers that were once inside your cunt now spreads your arousal over his cock, brushing the engorged head of his dick between your lubricous lips. The sensation itself is maddening enough to have you pushing your hips eagerly back to feel him. Wanting him to spear right into your walls.

“I knew you’d say yes,” he practically growls with a carnal rumble inside his chest. He places a hand on your hip; you can feel his nail digging deeply into your dress and surely will cause crescent indents on your skin.

“I said make it – Oh!”

You bite back your curses when Jungkook’s hips stutter forward on your impatient request, his length and girth starts entering you at a quick pace. Your lungs hurt from the excessive gasp you intake as shaky whimpers tumble from your lips. His enlarged dick, fully aroused and stiff, finally gets to explore the slipper velvet interior of your hot core.

Jungkook could care less with a slow adjustment for you, especially how you declared the needed pace of events. He refuses to go anything but fast, sinking himself to the hilt as you grit your teeth in an attempt to make it easier to endure.

“Shit,” you both simultaneously speak into the air.

Inch by tasty inch, he fills you to the brim with his cock. Pushing snug against your cervix and balls resting against your pussy lips. Jungkook drags his cock partly back out of your sobbing hole, a fresh coat of your glistening arousal casts a beautiful clear sheen on his raging erection. The sight makes him salivate, a mouth-watering and utmost beautiful scene he has ever seen. Just when you think you can breathe a breath of comfort, he sheaths himself back inside of you with a sigh of pure relief.

You crane your neck to look back at him, seeking the sight of Jungkook’s concentrating face and biting harshly down on his bottom lip. With a hand still tight on your hip, the other rests on your shoulder – using it to slink you back onto his pelvis as he runs full-blown assault on your cunt. Fucking into you hard, having your legs bang into the desk as you drool over your papers. His relentless thrusts hardly let up. His eyes glance over to yours briefly, seeing how they plead with a need.

He complies to you, knowing exactly how you want his lips on yours. Jungkook leans down, rolling his hips into you at a constant pace but pulls you up just a bit with his hand around your neck. Your body melts into his touch soon enough as his soft lips mold into yours, tense muscles relaxing as he calms you down with a languid kiss.

“I’m s-so close,” you whisper into his moistened lips. Soft whines already start to slip from your tongue. His pace quickens, knowing he, too, is also close to his release. “Jungkook,” you warn as your eyes shut with impending bliss.

Jungkook’s breath comes out quiet yet rugged. His rough hips continue to snap against your ass and increasingly becomes harder upon receiving your words. All those thoughts of seeing you wiggling underneath his body, all the times he’s pondered how your body feels against his fuels his imagination up until this point.

“Where do you want it?” He questions as his pelvis pounds into you.

You, on the last shred of your own sanity, dangle on a thin string. Your eyes shut tight, gleeful tears break the edges of your eyes and leak down your make-up. Your arousal builds with every heavy drag of his length against your insides. What stirs you the most crazy is hearing, and basking in full on glory, of the beautiful vocalization of Jungkook’s increasing pleasure. The sweet sounds of his lupine moans and guttural grunts as he loses himself inside you. It sounds like a sinful song and causes that tightening coil of tension in the pit of your stomach to snap open at any given moment.

Jungkook’s hold on your neck tightens as harsh trusts slam into you, each releasing an angry huff from his nose. He presses you into your desk, shifting the piece of furniture slightly with his strength. Your pussy flutters around his cock, arousal dripping down your inner thighs as you do nothing but wriggle under him.

“I d-don’t care,” you moan. You’re diving nose first into an ocean of pure bliss as your climax hits you so hard that your vision blurs. A loud sob falls from your lips and babbling curses soon follow. “Holy shit!”

“Look at you go,” Jungkook praises you proudly, kissing your cheek to your neck. “I’m going to bury myself in you,” he states. Smiling against your skin, “I hope you’re ready.”

And surely you are. Even though your pussy is spent from his onslaught, you continue to back yourself into him until he is ready to slip into madness. Make his entire body shudder before he vehemently plows his cock into you at least a dozen more times in sporadic, faltering thrusts. Jungkook’s eyes screw shut, hands gripping on either side of your hips and squeezing your flesh helplessly. Your walls continue to clench with excitement around his bulky shaft, making it his tipping point. Where he falls into himself and unloads everything inside of you as he holds you impaled on his pulsating cock. Spurting an abundant amount of his hot cum into every nook and cranny of your silky core, making sure not a single spot is left unpainted. His orgasm lasts for several moments as he stills, a strains growl resounding from his chest and a melodic whine slipping out of his pink lips. Drops of his sticky off-white fluid starts to trickle down your folds from bursting out the seams.

The two of you stay in that position for minutes until you’re drawn back to reality. Heavenly relief washes over the both of you as sensations that run through your body relax. You begin taking in your surroundings for the first time since you have both lost any notion of space and time, forgetting you’re in the middle of your closed off office, at work, where a holiday party continues to roar down the stairs. Your desk has shifted a good foot from its original resting place, papers have fallen or crumpled from your fist, and a mess has been made of your pussy.

Jungkook pants behind you, forehead resting on your back as he catches his breath, sweat dripping off the side of his face.

“Y/n,” he rasps, trying to recollect himself. “Are you good?”

You nod, a soft smile curling your lips. You wait for him to lean up and pull out until you stand up straight. Your hands feel around your hair, making sure everything is still in place. You pull up the straps of your dress and situate the body and skirt. Lastly, you cup your sex with your hand as you search for a solution of the mixture of both of your cum’s falling so freely from you. The nearest bathroom is down the hall, you can make it as long as there is nobody else around.

“I’m great.”

“Good,” he hums. 

Jungkook tucks himself away and fixes his shirt and pants. In the low lighting you spy a small red scratch along his chest before he buttons it back up, knowing very well you have caused that mark on him.

He stands there as he watches you contemplate what you want to say. To break the silence, he clears his throat to gain your attention.

“So, I think I need to let you know something.”

Oh god, you think. What on earth does he have to say? What don’t you know? Potential bad possibilities immediately run through your mind as you glance at him, gripping your coat and purse quickly from the desk.

Does he have a partner? Is there something going on in the office? Will he ask you to not speak of this – not like you would risk that anyways. Will he say he realized he fucked up? Messing around with your own worker is frowned upon, office romances are not allowed. What does he have to say?

As you stand there waiting for him to speak, like a knife held above your heart, you expect to endure any pain coming your way. Mentally preparing to brush it off, forget about it and move on.

“I’m…” he begins. Jungkook takes a step closer, “I’m not really your Secret Santa. I just used that as an excuse to get you to stay a little longer before you left for the holiday.”

“Oh?” You blink. Your eyes scatter around your office as if you’re searching for an answer. Why lie about it. “Ok, so then who is?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugs. “I don’t really care either. But I'm sure whoever has gifts for us, they’ll be waiting for us downstairs.” His hand comes to grab yours, playing loosely with your fingers when he gets a hold of them. “I just wanted to give you a personal gift. I’m assuming you like it.”

You hold your coat tighter towards your body, “I do. And don’t worry, I won’t tell a soul.”

“I wasn’t worried,” he smirks. His other hand comes up to place his fingers under your chin, “You got a bit of drool…”

You narrow your eyes at him, but allow him to touch you. The trickling wetness from between your legs reminds you that you need to clean up and fast. So you take it as a cue to break contact with your boss, but you make sure to throw him a little remark back.

“And you have a bit of lipstick on your face,” you smile with fulfillment. “Might need to wash that off before heading downstairs.”

The two of you stand there smirking. Your deadly game of flirtations have stepped deeper into a new territory. Where the sex card now has come into play. How everything that may linger between the two of you can in fact become dangerous if you keep entertaining new domains. But neither one of you want to resist that temptation. This is exciting and new.

Before you can gather up Namjoon’s gift, Jungkook pulls you in for one last, chast, kiss on the lips. A parting goodbye for now. But a promising note for you to remember for the next time.

A reassuring reminder that tells you he is ready to play this game with you.

© 2022 All rights reserved under @kth1​ - do not copy, repost, modify, edit, or translate any of my work without my direct consent. This TUMBLR and AO3 are the ONLY places my fics are posted.

[vanillakook]

THE BOY IS MINE ꔫ - JJK

synopsis: your big sister has a new boyfriend that you can’t wait to try

parings: jk x sister in law!reader

warnings: infidelity, reader is a heavy bitch, she doesn’t care at all, strained relationships, traumatic sibling rivalry, dom!jk, fat cock!jk, sneaking around, exhibitionism, voyeurism, penetrative sex, oral sex (m. and f. receiving), fingering, rough fucking, multiple positions, reader’s pussy is an OCEAN, all hyewon does is cry, reader is actually evil, jungkook is just as bad, if not worse

genre: smut, oneshot

word count: 5.4k

nothing could have prepared jungkook for the influx of strange events that would take place over the next month. his time starts as it usually does: hyewon, his girlfriend, freaking the fuck out about every interaction he’s had and will have with her family. however, something was different this time. hyewon’s usual dread of embarrassment had shifted into full blown panic and anxiety. he was utterly confused since she had never been this bad. did something happen? he was sure her parents liked him, no? why would they let them date for nearly a year if that was the case?

jungkook had come to know why on the three hour long drive to her parents lake house. after prying he had found out it was you, her baby sister who is supposedly the devil incarnate. “i’m sure this is just a normal sibling rivalry hye, baby, my brother and i are the same way.”

“jungkook,” she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “im telling you it’s not the same.”

she excused it when you were kids, but after a certain point of awareness she knew that this wasn’t a silly little rivalry, you hated her. despite you being younger by three years you had always went out of your way to make sure she was miserable. in your childhood years it started out as lying to your parents about her hitting you, or sneaking gum into her hair, breaking her dolls. these little things progressed to stealing her clothes and ruining her makeup products in middle school. once high school came around whatever she did you had to do it ten times better. clothes, shoes, sports, friends, boys. your parents had just seen it as a cute thing between a younger and older sister. little did your parents know that soon your behaviors turned cold with sinister intent, from ruining her friendships, straining her parental relationship, and fucking every single guy she’s ever bought home.

hyewon grew up with the same speech throughout her middle school and teenage years, even now in her 20s.

“she just admires you.”

“you’re her role model.”

“y/n has it all, have you ever thought that you’re the jealous one?”

bullshit.

your parents also weren’t shy about who was the favorite. although the two of you had done nearly every sport and form of hobby together, your awards were hung the highest, your interests were more funded, and you were taken more seriously. they insisted that it was just in her head for so many years, more like they were being heavily manipulated by you. now finally her boyfriend of 11 months was going go meet you in less than an hour to see for himself how fucked up you were.

the boyfriend that she so desperately has tried to keep away for so long. now her time was up.

hyewon was successful with that aspect for a while since you were dorming hours away at college. she successfully avoided holidays, family dinners, special occasions, all for almost a year. while she did limit how much she posted jungkook, she was never too sure with the extent you would go with things and has kept you blocked and hidden from all things him.

she could have avoided it for longer if this hadn’t been your first summer back from school in years and your parents were adamant on having the entire family together. usually you were able to make an excuse on why jungkook couldn’t come, work, family matters, etc. but everyone was to be at your family lake house for a full month, and that included jungkook.

“hye ill be there, all month. you have nothing to worry about.” he gave her thigh a soft squeeze and flashed his reassuring bunny smile.

“promise?”

“promise.”

jungkook couldn’t be more unaware about what exactly he was promising to. and as he rounded the corner and pulled into the hidden entrance and drove down the dirt road, hyewon grew more anxious and clammy. she felt her heart sink deeper as jungkook pulled into the driveway and parked. once she saw your sunglasses go up she knew she was fucked. skin tight red bikini, slurping on a melting strawberry popsicle, with her boyfriend ogling every curve of your body. she could have shot herself right there.

over the next month hyewon would watch her perfect relationship crumble to dust. if you were going to be trapped here all summer with your insufferable sister the least she could do was share her boyfriend. her first mistake was pulling you aside that night before bed for a talk. you followed her out to the patio and faced her, finally dropping the innocent facade you’re forced to have around others.

“what now hyewon?” you scoffed. “i haven’t seen you in a year and you’re already about to scold me about something?”

you were trying so hard not to laugh at her angry demeanor. “stay away from him. y/n i understand you can’t keep a man but that doesn’t mean you can help yourself to mine.“

you pouted at her, prying her folded arms open and taking her hands in yours. “but hyewonniee~ that’s not fair, we share everything, what would mommy and daddy say to you right now?” you tsked obnoxiously.

she snatched her hands away. “y/n, this isn’t the time to play your sick games. what the fuck don’t you get? i’m not asking you, im fucking telling your twisted ass to leave us alone.”

“come on sis live a little, i promise ill give him back,” she felt like she was going to throw up right into the lake beside you two.

“please y/n…” her voice cracked.

all you could do was give her that fuck ass smile as if you were clueless about every goddamn thing in the world. “i just wanna try him, no need to get fussy.”

that night at dinner she kept a close eye on you whenever you were near him. she allowed the small talk and conversations about his family and work, but was steadily getting annoyed when no one had been asking a single thing about what she’d been up to, obviously not you, not your parents, and not even jungkook, in fact her very far gone boyfriend was looking at you as if you had hung the stars and the moon with your bare hands. he hadn’t taken his eyes off of you as explained your college stories and travels. your sister on the other hand had her head down in her phone, earning a scowl from your parents and a few words from her own boyfriend.

“hyewon,” your father cleared his throat. “don’t you think it’s poor manners to not listen to what your sister has to say? she listens to you.”

“right, sorry.” she mumbled, putting her phone down to pick at her food.

“apologies jungkook, they’ve been this way since they were young. just a little squabble here and there.” your mother leaned over the table a squeezed his hand, to that he replied with a smile.

do little squabbles consist of fucking someone’s boyfriends and sending them the tapes of them doing so?

“trust me i understand, my older brother and i are sworn enemies but he’s my entire world.”

you decided to chimed in too. “hyewonnie doesn’t ever think i have anything interesting to say,” you pouted. “actually enough about me, sis how’s your desk job? still letting that old hag of a boss order you around?”

any normal boyfriend would take his girlfriends defense when a backhanded comment was made. instead jungkook, who was seated in between the both of you, pealed his eyes away from you for once and turned to his girlfriend. he was also waiting for her response to that. all eyes were now turned to her. you have her that knowing smirk, a smirk that knew since your lasting meeting a year ago, she had accomplished absolutely nothing but scoring a hot boyfriend. and even that was going to be ripped away from her shortly.

“i’m working on finding a new job.”

“work harder then hyewon, look at your sister.” ah here we go. your father was about to go on his comparison spiel. “y/n is set to graduate early after studying abroad and even has a job lined up for her after school, meanwhile you’ve been stuck at this little start up company for how long?”

“we love you honey, dearly. but it’s time to start being an adult.” your mom had delivered the final blow. hyewon stood up from her seat, fork clinging against the china plate.

“i need to use the restroom.”

no one tried to stop her, instead everyone fell back into a steady stream of conversation. jungkook however couldn’t even bring himself to have another thought other than you. he couldn’t have made his attraction to you more obvious. you were so fucking pretty, he hasn’t seen a being like you. sweet and delicate tone with hints of seduction. he wanted to feel bad for being more attracted to you than he was to your older sister, but fuck. your hair was pulled back into a neat bun and your dress had just reached below your ass. he tried his hardest to not stare for too long, but when you had suddenly dropped your fork and bent over to go get it he was in for quite the treat that couldn’t be passed up.

when you rose from your chair, slick trails followed behind. you hadn’t been wearing underwear and your pussy had been drooling all over the wooden chairs, leaving you with a pool of pussy juice in your seat. your cheeks burned, knowing his eyes were on you and your pretty pussy. he looked between you and your parents, hoping they weren’t seeing your antics so he could bask in it longer. luckily they were immersed in conversation.

“whoopsies, i’m so clumsy sometimes!” you sat down in your seat again, making sure he heard the wet plop! of your ass on the sticky chair. you flashed him flirty smile, once again starting small talk. “so you’re a personal trainer right?”

“mhm i am, you know anything about it?”

“enlighten me.”

“well it’s-“ his face dropped and went bright red at the feeling of your hands on him. your palm had sprawled out on his thigh, inching dangerously close to his hardening cock. “it’s um- it takes a while to um-“

“something the matter?” yes something was the fucking matter. your acrylic covered hand was now covering the growing tent in his pants. his girlfriends baby sister was palming his dick at the dining room table, in front of your fucking parents. “sounds like an easy job, maybe you could train me too, i’m a fast learner, and i haven’t worked out in ages…” your eyes narrowed, tone getting lower and heavier.

“hey we’re going to start cleaning up, you kiddos finished with your food?” your mom started confiscating the plates and dishes as you worked at jungkooks zipper, desperately wanting to get a look at the huge cock you were groping.

“we’re not kids mom, we’re in our early 20s.”

“oh fine fine, when your sister comes back from her mini temper tantrum tell her i put her food in the fridge if she wants to finish it.” once your parents were gone you could finally cut the small talk and get right to the point, except jungkook had halted your actions, removing your hand and holding it in his while you bit back a grin.

“what the fuck is wrong with you? do you know how much this would hurt your sister?”

“so?”

“so? are you out of your mind?”

you rolled your eyes. “oh now you wanna play moral police after you’ve been eye fucking me the entire night and almost came in your pants from my hand alone?” if he really didn’t want it you were going to back off. you pulled away completely and scooted your chair over.

jungkook leaned in closer, pining you against your chair. “you wanna feel up on my dick? go ahead sweetheart, but not at the same fucking table your parents are eating at. hyewon could walk in any second too, you really wanna risk her seeing this? risk her ending this before i get to ruin you?”

oh. oh.

“you wanna ruin me? your girlfriends little sister? you really don’t care about her do you?” your eyes lit up once again.

jungkook looked around, peering around the corners of the house to make sure it was clear before what he did next. lust was fully taken over, any thoughts of hyewon were gone, and it was only a few hours into knowing your little minx ass but he wanted to be consumed by you. his hand went around your neck, gripping it to the point where your circulation was almost severed. “i just wanna try you baby, see if i chose the wrong sister or not. and anyways, whatever hye doesn’t know won’t hurt her right? now c’mere pretty.”

the stars had aligned in that moment for you. you had jungkook right where you wanted him.

however she did. hyewon knew exactly what would happen once she left the table, it was her way of accepting defeat. as hyewon sobbed in the bathroom she knew her sister and boyfriend were exchanging more than holy words and touches. she knew how quick you worked. when it came to ruining everything she loved and desired you were always quick. luckily she couldn’t witness the vile things happening at that dining room table.

“gosh, this fucking pussy,” he landed a slap to your sopping cunt. poor baby was crying down there for some action, clenching that tight hole around nothing and pushing out more and more thick ropes of slick. “damn baby i knew you wanted this dick, but fucking hell.” he couldn’t believe how soaked you were, he knew he’d slip his cock in with ease, nothing like your sister.

“aw kook, you must be so bored with her if you feel this comfortable with playing in my pussy. look at you throwing a year down the drain.” and you couldn’t be happier about it.

“fucking tell me about it. love my baby to death but a man has needs you know?” he took another glance around before unzipping his pants fully this time and placing your hand over his fat cock once again. “hye never knows what to do with it, but i’m sure a slut like you will.”

he tugged his boxers down and you watched his angry member spring up, slapping against his stomach with a mean, red tip that was throbbing for attention. your mouth gaped open at the sight of the pretty thing. lengthy, girthy, veiny, and in need of a tight little pussy gripping around it. “make it quick and i’ll make sure to take good care of you later sweetheart.” he guided you to your knees, sat back, and enjoyed your mouth. all while hyewon sobbed her heart out a few feet away.

later that night after you were coming back from a late night jog, hyewon was ready in the living room for you. she needed to put her foot down for once. every other time was different, but this was her chance to salvage her relationship. once you stepped in the door she stood, to which you didn’t pay her a second glance. “the hell do you want? you’re stalking me now?”

“if you keep trying your luck with jungkook im telling mom and dad.”

you let out a mocking cackle as you made your way to grab a glass of water. “what are we? fucking five? maybe if you knew how to pleasure your boyfriend we wouldn’t be in this situation,”

her mouth went dry. “what?”

“oops… well cats out the bag. when you decided to go be dramatic and cry in the bathroom as if anyone cared, jungkook was very quick to say how much of a bad fuck you were.” you provoked her farther. you were younger, you were shorter, but still you loomed over her, in every aspect, in every way, of every day of your lives. “you always pick the easy ones. the ones who hate you more specifically.”

“jungkook loves me, something you’ll never experience.” she spat.

you grinned, leaning against the counter nonchalantly before breaking her heart in two. “and he’s gonna love this pussy even more. he already loves one of my holes. ask him about it.” you shot her a wink before leaving for bed.

there was still a month to go and as the weeks progressed she watched his eyes linger more as your clothes got tighter. she watched your touches get lower. she watched your hangouts go from the three of you to just you and her boyfriend. she watched how you two would talk for hours then get silent when she entered a room. she watched you press your ass up against him when squeezing around tight spaces. it was only a matter of time before she was phased out completely, but she still wouldn’t go down without a fight. jungkook was the greatest thing to ever happen to her, he was worth fighting for, she felt it, she knew it.

yet obviously he didn’t see her the same. he couldn’t care less about his relationship more than ever now since you had given him the best head of his life. now every night, just like this one, he was nose deep in your cunt, devouring you. jungkook waited until hyewon was sound asleep before he slipped himself into your room in the late hours of the night. thank goodness she picked the ones who were skilled with their tongue, because this was just the stress reliever you needed,

cumming down her boyfriends throat for the third time tonight.

“f-fffuck!” your back arched upwards from the feeling of his tongue dragging down your slit. he simply pushed you back down, using the weight of his hand to keep you there. “too much, ‘s too much koo!” you pulled at his hair roughly, making him groan deliciously. how the fuck did you taste like this? you were becoming his favorite flavor.

“oh yeah too much?” he took two fingers, plunging them inside of your cunt and watching the disappear deeper with every thrust. “so fucking wet for me doll, look at how you’re drenching my fingers.” he kept his voice low while your screams went wild. part of him even hoped your cries awoke your sister. he was so fucked up for wanting this, wanting her to see how good he fucked her pretty little sister. he wanted her to see how he fucked her sister in every way that he would never fuck her. he was sick as hell.

his fingers rammed against your g spot roughly. your mind fogged up, making your words start to come out in nothing but incoherent babbles. your body went limp from the amount of times he had dragged your nut out of you tonight. “c’mon princess, gimme one more, right on my fingers. be a good girl and cum baby, cum.”

“holy shiiiiii- awh fuck fuck, fuck i’m- jungkookk!” you whined with tears streaming down your face. with one more clench of your hole and a few more angry thrusts of his fingers you were soaking your sheets and his face. once jungkook removed his fingers you released everything he was keeping inside. he dove right back into you nose first to catch all of the creamy slick dripping from your hole. you couldn’t handle overstimulation, trying time and time again to get him away from your pussy before you came again.

“stop, stop stop- fucking hell stop!” trying to push him away was useless, you were starting to realize he did this shit for his own pleasure.

once he decided he was finished his meal he pulled back, looking up at your flustered and tear stained face. he smirked to himself when he saw your needy pussy still clenching around nothing. it took time for your body to shake off the after effects of your orgasm, but he stood by and waited for you to come back to earth. “better get back before your sister wakes up, you good mama?” he sucked your essence off of his fingers, making you lick your lips at the action.

“already? one more hour, please?”

“it’s starting to get harder to say no to you.” he laid between your legs, trying his hardest not to accidentally push against your sensitive clit. you admired him from this view, his soft features and the various piercings that graced his lip and ears. he was so goddamn handsome, you felt bad that he had to settle for your basic sister. “what are you thinking?” he chimed.

“nothing much, just about how glad i am hyewon bought you home, it’s like she just knew you were right for me.” fuck, you were twisted.

“you’re going to get me in so much trouble doll, what will your parents think of me if they find out?”

you shrugged. “they could care less. everyone knows she can’t keep a guy.”

“and i’m guessing that’s due to you?” he smirked.

you tried to fight your smile but it was useless. “i wouldn’t say that. it’s just that every guy reconsiders when they see she has a sister.”

that was exactly what was happening here now. jungkooks brain chemistry was being altered to only think of you, to only want you, and the month wasn’t even over yet. the way he had pulled away would be the reason for hyewon’s nagging every night after bed from now on. she garnered argument after argument every night in bed, trying desperately for jungkook to see where this behavior was wrong. he was too far gone by now, getting defensive when hyewon would state the obvious.

“you’re acting fucking crazy!” jungkook fumbled out of the bed angrily, snatching a pillow and extra blanket to take to the couch. “she’s your sister, do you hear yourself?” he yelled, as if you didn’t just have a face full of his cock for dessert under the dining room table two weeks ago, as if he wasn’t knuckles deep in you the night prior. he knew it was wrong, he knew it was disrespectful to do it while staying in the same house as your parents. but fucking hell.

he felt like needed you more after tasting you once. he felt sick for not even being attracted to his girlfriend anymore. he felt disappointed in himself for letting almost a year go down the drain. but you felt better than anything.

“jungkook she’s trying to steal you from me, she’s- do you not see? has she manipulated you that far already?” hyewon was on the verge of tears, lower limp trembling as she stared back at jungkook. he gave her an annoyed look and sighed, getting ready to pull out manipulative tactics of his own.

“i understand you might envy her, she’s younger, she gets along well with your parents, but when you start making shit up out of jealousy it doesn’t look good hye.” what the fuck could you have done to make him so far gone? what the fuck had you been spewing to him?

“do you fucking hear yourself? you’re defending a bitch you’ve known two weeks!” she was losing her mind, truly. “you’ve been so distant kook, you don’t hold me anymore, you barely kiss me, and it all started when we fucking got here! you told me you be on my side for this trip, mine, not hers.” her voice cracked but he still couldn’t find it in him to care.

“until you sort your hissy fit out, i’ll be on the couch.” he shut the door behind him and she could hear shuffling down the steps growing fainter. her head was pounding from all this nonsense. she hadn’t had one normal day since stepping in this lake house. her family was indifferent to her and now another boyfriend of hers was trying to convince her she was crazy. jungkook did a terrible job however, because once she heard your door creak open in the middle of the night, she knew exactly where you were going.

and she followed.

hyewon crept her way down the stairs, careful not to let anyone hear. she could hear jungkook’s raspy voice and your soft giggles, along with a very smacking noises followed after. even though she has witnessed you ruin her relationships time and time again, nothing could prepare her for what she was about to see. when she rounded the corner her heart dropped to the pit of her stomach. there you were, on all fours in front of her boyfriend, with your pants pulled over your ass, and a big, heavy dick fucking you into the pillow cushions. her boyfriend, the love of her life, fucking you into the pillow cushions.

her hand flew over her mouth and she bit back tears, watching you and jungkook fuck her over in plain sight. it was over. everything she worked to salvage, it was gone. yet she couldn’t peel her eyes away from the sight. from seeing how much more intimate he was with you. she flinched when he smacked your ass harshly. she needed to stop this, but why couldn’t she? hyewon was frozen in place, forced to watch jungkook give himself to you.

“shiiiiitt- pussy squeezing me baby, control that cunt so i don’t cum quick.” he pulled out, pumping your slick up and down his shaft. you wiggled your ass around, smacking it against his pelvis in desperation. you needed your cunt filled again. “calm down mama, fuck.”

“can’tttt,” you dragged. “hmph. fuck me or i’ll do it myself.” you should have never said that. jungkook pulled you back by your hair, his hand gripping your jaw and forcing you to look at him. your back arched in a painful way and your pussy was leaking on he cushions.

“spoiled fucking brat, think i’m obligated to fill your holes? don’t get this twisted.” he removed his hand from around his cock to smack your tits around, mesmerized with how the perky mounds looked. “making me cheat on my girlfriend, making me fall in love with this pussy. all this is your fault, now get down and throw that shit back.” without warning he slid in. the stretch was painfully addicting.

“koo! you’re so fucking big- nnnnghhh shiitt,” once you were used to the stretch you started to move back on him, when he saw your hand moving to circle your clit he yanked it back. he held it behind your back to ensure you didn’t make the same mistake again. of course your bratty ass couldn’t resist pissing him off even more and tried again. now both of your arms were folded behind you with half your face being smothered in the couch.

“you know- hmph-“ he started saying in between strokes. “one thing about your sister? she knows how to listen. trained her well. guess you need the same don’t you?” you nodded with a bright smile on your face that would soon be wiped. hyewon sobbed softly around the corner, listening to the way jungkook carelessly spoke about her. “fuck, you’re perfect. i wanna see you baby c’mere.” you were flipped on your back now, switching from one position to the other.

when you didn’t think it could get any better, jungkook dragged your legs up to his broad shoulders and he was now face to face with you. you shook your head no repeatedly, something that just provoked him more. his big brown eyes narrowed as he slammed himself into you. “ohhhhh-“ you were so fucking done for. he hit your soft spot repeatedly, abusing your mushy walls with his heavy cock. you tried keeping your whines to a minimum but once jungkook saw a certain someone lurking he wanted to hear more.

jungkook had looked up and made direct eye contact with hyewon, unfaltering eyes burning holes into her skull. he picked up his pace, slamming his hips into you and knocking the breath out of you every time. what a dumb bitch was all he could think. did she really expect him not to indulge in her minx of a sister? she trusted him to keep his composure while you were walking around in little to no clothes? pathetic. jungkook kept stroking you mainly because he knew hyewon wouldn’t do a fucking thing. she would sit right there and take it, just how you were taking him. “look princess, got a visitor.”

your head whipped around, seeing your sister trembling. if you were normal this would hurt you just as much, betraying her in such a foul manner. however, you hated her. you’ve hated her ever since you figured you weren’t the only child. you had been ruining her life forever to guarantee she would get the hint and leave the family. that was why you started targeting her boyfriends, if she kept getting them taken then naturally she would stay away. but she didn’t, and now here we were again, you wished you could say you hated to do this, but she needed to learn. after this you were going to guarantee she’d be far from not only you and your parents, but jungkook too.

“hyewonnie!” a squeal sounded from you. jungkook slowed his pace down. “god he’s so good, i’m so fucking glad you found him big sis,” your hands went up and stroked his round cheeks, running your acrylics over his skin. “after he fills me up with some babies we’re gonna get married and have a nice big wedding that you’ll never set foot on.”

blow after blow. you knew how to make her hurt.

“baby…” he panted on top of you. he buried his face in the crook of your neck and pressed kisses to the sweet spot before mumbling into your skin. “no need to be so harsh, i think she gets it love.”

“i fucking hate you both. you’re nothing to me, this entire family is nothing to me.” she finally spoke.

“mhmm, right there koo, so fucking deep-“ your eyes rolled back and you tuned her out, focusing only on the sensual way you were being fucked. “want you to cum in me, fill my cunt up baby, make me a mama.” something feral snapped in jungkook. as his speed picked up his kisses became rougher, biting up and down your shoulders and your neck to mark you. hyewon watched as you two shared such an intimate moment, hating herself for wishing she was you.

“cum with me doll.” that was all it took for you to release all over his cock. plop! plop! plop! was all that could be heard once he emptied his balls inside of you. jungkook struggled to catch his breath. once he pulled out you both watched the waterfall of cum drip from your fucked out hole. he took his cock in his hand and with the tip, pushed it all back inside. “can’t let that get away now can we?”

that had sent hyewon over the edge truly. she stomped up the stairs and barged into her room, starting to repack her suitcase early. yet she was trapped. jungkook was her ride here. she could ask your parents but it was such a long drive back to where she lived. she was stuck here with the both of you for two more weeks. how was she supposed to explain this to her friends, her co workers, everyone who thought jungkook would be her final. this was the icing on the cake that made her despise you. any love she had was far gone now. she sobbed and sobbed while listening to yours and jungkooks shared giggles, hearing him run you a shower and talk the night away.

once jungkook was asleep in your bed, you stood in her door way, basking at how much of a wreck she was. she didn’t need to look up to feel your presence. “what now? what y/n? you’ve done enough and after this consider me gone from all of your lives.”

“you’re so dramatic oh god. you’re acting like i didn’t warn you.” you welcomed yourself into her room. “think i might keep him around, i actually like him. thank you sis.” your hands went over your heart.

she backed up farther onto her bed. “stay away from me you evil fuck.”

“hyewonnie, i told you from the moment i saw him, the boy is mine.”

masterlist

[hellbornsworld]

JUNGKOOK FANFIC RECOMMENDATIONS(12).° ༘🎧⋆🖇₊˚ෆ

🪩 Miracle Of The Season | Angel Jungkook x Fallen Angel F!Reader | OneShot | @cybrsan

🪩 There’s Only Me When There’s You | Jungkook x Reader | OneShot | @koostattoos

🪩 PRINCESS TREATMENT | JK X Reader | Series | @2hightocare

🪩 best friends..? | best friend!Jungkook x fem!reader | Series | @just4koo

🪩 Home for the Holidays | jungkook x f. reader | OneShot | @jjungkookislife

🪩 Closer To You | Rich, spoilt brat!Jeongguk X Doctor! Reader | OneShot | @back2bluesidex

🪩 First type of Soul Mate: The Soul Crossing Mate | Prince!Jungkook X Reader | @beautifulfuckup99

🪩 What he wants, he gets | Jeon Jungkook x Reader (idol au) | OneShot | @wildestdreamsblog

🪩 Debut | sunbaenim!JK X Reader | OneShot | @yankpop

🪩 Cruel Beast | idol yandere Jungkook x Idol Y/n | OneShot | @kangmoon27

🪩 PREDESTINED | Mortal/commer jk x goddess reader | OneShot | @keen-li

🪩 ＤＥＡＴＨ | Yandere! Dark! Android! Jeon Jungkook x Widower! Fem! Reader | @pynkgothicka

🪩 Daddy Daycare | Technician! Jungkook x Teacher's Assistant! Reader | Series | @bunnyhugs77

🪩 Yours Truly | popular jungkook x tsundere f reader | @solemnreads

🪩 Cherry Flavored | Biker!JK X Reader | OneShot | @jungkookstatts

🪩 Oath | JK X Reader | Mafia AU | Series | @bangtan-yeonghon

🪩 too young | single dad!jungkook X Reader | series | @jeonggukookies

🪩 How to Get Rid of Your Virginity | badboy!jungkook x theaternerd!reader | OneShot | @strvngeweather

🪩 Mr. Take Your Bitch | Idol!JK X Reader | OneShot | @bunnyhugs77

🪩 Focused on her | aged jungkook X Reader | OneShot | @000jeon

🪩 sorry (not sorry) | JK X Reader | OneShot | @angelguk

🪩 ALL AT ONCE | unhinged jungkook X shy oc | Series | @muniimyg

🪩 Valentine Vixen | Stripper! Reader x Rich! Jungkook | OneShot | @bunnyhugs77

[theharrowing]

Happy NamGi Day!

in honor of such a glorious holiday, and because i am feeling a little extra today, here are all of my namgi fics, as well as some of my personal favorites!

♡ - fluff | ☽ - smut | ☁ - angst | ✎ - wip | ☆ - personal fav

just namgi

One Day at a Time | 2 parts, 39.4k words, ☆ ❣ Yoongi x Namjoon | ♡ ☽ ☁ ❣feat. established Namjoon & Jung Wheein ❣ past acquaintances to lovers, a/b/o ⚠ infidelity, mpreg, painful knotting ↳ Yoongi loves to help others. As a professional surrogate, he takes pride in using his body to help families bring life into this world, and love into their homes. But when his high school crush Kim Namjoon hires Yoongi to help him and his wife conceive, things get…precarious. |Or, Omega Yoongi gets bred by Alpha Namjoon and holy shit, does he fall in love.

Sun Seeker | 3 parts, 38.7k words, ☆ ❣ Namjoon x Yoongi | ♡ ☽ ☁ ❣ strangers to lovers, tattoo shop au ↳ Namjoon does not do impulsive. He doesn’t understand the fuss about body modifications, and he has never considered getting one. That is, until he meets Yoongi—the prettiest man he’s ever seen, who happens to be a tattoo artist—and he can’t stop thinking about going under Yoongi’s needle to have an equally pretty design tattooed onto his skin. 

Entanglement | oneshot, 10.9k words ❣ Namjoon x Yoongi | ☽ ♡ ❣ best friends to lovers, confessions, loss of virginity, very little plot ↳ Namjoon is eager to finally lose his virginity and decides it would be wise if his best friend Yoongi helps him. (He is totally not in love with Yoongi, or anything…)

Lips Like Honey | oneshot, 13.9 words ❣ Namjoon x Yoongi | ♡ ☽ ☁ ❣ strangers to lovers, light angst, very little plot ↳ Chef Min is easily the prettiest man Namjoon has ever seen and now Namjoon is questioning everything—including his sexuality.

Honsool | 3 parts, 8.5k words ❣ Yoongi x Namjoon | ♡ ☽ ❣ friends to lovers, requited unrequited, snowed in au  ↳ The whole group is snowed in during their winter trip and Yoongi drinks enough whiskey to finally tell Namjoon how he feels.

namgi x reader

Collateral | 22 parts, 245k words, ✎☆ ❣ Yoongi x Female Reader x Namjoon | ♡ ☽ ☁ ❣ feat. Taehyung x Jungkook, Seokjin x Hoseok, Jungkook x Reader ❣ strangers to lovers, mafia au, poly ⚠ drug use, graphic violence, dark themes - see fic warnings ↳Your ex-boyfriend gets in over his head working for the local mafia, and Boss Min has come to collect his payment: You. But was it simply a matter of being in the wrong place at the wrong time? Or has he always had his sights on you?

namgi x members

Pretty in Pink (Make Him Purr) | oneshot, 15k words, ☆ ❣ Yoongi x OT6 | ♡ ☽ ☁ ❣ established relationships, canon compliant, animal play, marathon sex, light angst, very little plot ↳ Yoongi—long-established power top of the group—secretly wishes he could shed all of his responsibility and allow the members to take care of his needs while he’s dressed in a frilly pink kitten outfit. Well, it was a secret until Namjoon discovers the outfit, pulling the cat out of the bag, so to speak, and forcing Yoongi to decide whether to show that side of himself to the rest of the guys.

my favorite namgi fics by others

The One by nicedress | oneshot, 22.2k words, ☆ ❣ Yoongi x Namjoon | ☽ ☁ ❣ strangers to lovers, pistolverse au, serial killer au, smut, angst, fluff if you squint ⚠ dead dove! murder, slut shaming, rape culture, open ending - see fic warnings ↳ Every stamen lured into Yoongi’s bed leaves him with a new blossom on his skin and a new grave on his property. When he encounters Namjoon, a stamen who refuses to touch any pistil unless it’s his soulmate, all Yoongi sees is someone naive and easy to control. Someone to help around the farm without complaint. Someone to dig holes without realizing they’re graves. Someone Yoongi’s not quite willing to kill—not yet.

What the Stars Look Like Under You by nicedress | 11 parts, 134.4k words, ☆ ❣ Yoongi x Namjoon | ♡ ☽ ☁ ❣ strangers to lovers, porn star au, sub/dom, smut, angst, fluff ⚠ implied/referenced rape (not between namgi), panic, suicide ideation - see fic warnings ↳ After building a porn career as a popular submissive, a scene gone wrong sends Yoongi spiraling. Switching roles gives him new purpose and shields him from the trauma he’s not willing to face, but having the world’s most pretentious, ecofriendly Dominant steal his spotlight isn’t making things any easier.

Forever Rain by Kumatokkii | 9 parts, 66k words, ☆ ❣ Yoongi x Namjoon | ♡ ☽ ☁ ❣ enemies to lovers, rapper au, smut, angst, eventual fluff ↳ Underground rappers Agust D and RM have had an unspoken feud that's spanned years, always hinting at each other in their lyrics, never fully saying it. Then Agust D crosses the line and calls him "Namjoonie" in his rap, on stage, for all to hear... To Namjoon's utter embarrassment.

♡ - fluff | ☽ - smut | ☁ - angst | ✎ - wip | ☆ - personal fav

HAPPY NAMGI DAAAYYY!!! 🎉🎈💜

[chubbiekookie]

Do you have a quick example of your writing we can see? 🥰 Like, a paragraph or two of how you write dialogue/narrative/kink?

It will help us determine if your flow and such fits our own writing if we decide to apply for your open RPing position.

Do you have a quick example of your writing we can see? 🥰 Like, a paragraph or two of how you write dialogue/narrative/kink?

It will help us determine if your flow and such fits our own writing if we decide to apply for your open RPing position.

Hi! I actually write a bit and have a bunch of stories and I pretty much rp like I write, so hopefully looking over these helps!

[justmorebtsffs]

Hi, I'm back . . . maybe?

So, I know I haven't posted any fics in AGES! AHHHH! (Because I'm really into Bungou Stray Dogs right now. Maybe I could do a AU for it or something.)

But I was thinking that it's not very ncie to leave all of you hanging, lol. So whilst I don't have any new fics in the works right now, I'm going to try and finish the existing ones.

Fic titles + decrpitions + links

A Little Love & Care | Sope

Yoongi & Hobi are together and work at the same office and Hobi takes Yoongi home after he comes to work sick.

It's a short one-shot/ficlet so it's about half-way done.

I'll probably finsih it anyway, no matter what option wins.

Apocalypse AU

A little less than halfway done, maybe a bit more. i don't know.

I have the general plot to the end written down.

BTS and the Philosopher's Stone (Harry Potter AU)

IDK if feel like the plot for this one is too similar to the original HP plot.

I'm not sure how to make it seem original.

But the world building (establishing them as wizards in differnet houses) is cool.

Maybe I'll just make it into some oneshots

Yeah, I'll probably do that.

I wish I could draw better (I'm learning) because it would be an awesome comic.

Can I Be Your One | Taekook

Artist Jungkook and Idol Tae.

Holiday, getting back together, mutual pining, angst w/ a happy ending.

JK has an adopted daughter named Yoon-ji

Out on Wattpad, but not finished.

Golden Boy | Taekook

Idol JK falls for fan Tae after hearing his covers of BTS' songs.

Hunger Games AU (Taekook + other ships)

This is the one I least would like to continue because I'm not really sure what plot I would have and I'm not feeling up for a lonbg fic right now.

Run To The Light | Taekook (This Savage Song AU)

Vampire Academy AU

Taekook (possibly Vkookmin), Sope (Yoonseok), Namjin

[alpacaparkaseok]

Happy Holidays - BTS Style

3. “Quote ‘The Grinch’ one more time, I dare you!”

18. “Why are you still up?”

Pairing: Jungkook x reader (Seoha)

There are few things that go better together than hot chocolate and Christmas movies. At least, that’s was Seoha thinks as she settles down with yet another mug of the chocolatey drink. 

“What’s next....” she flips through the options, mentally checking off all the movies she’s already binged. “Ah-ha!”

Of course the next option has to be the Grinch. 

After Seoha woke up this morning to a world filled with snow and everything too cold for its own good, she knew that today was the day to watch all the Christmas movies she hasn’t had an opportunity to watch yet. 

Two meals and several bathroom breaks later, she’s finally settling down to watch yet another movie. She’s finally just wrapped her blankets perfectly around her when her phone buzzes. 

Groaning, she only groans more when she sees who’s calling. 

“Jungkook. I thought I told you I was busy today.”

There’s no denying the mocking tone in her voice as she speaks with her best friend. Jungkook picks up on her sarcasm quick enough.

“Right. How many movies have you watched so far?”

“How did you know I was watching-”

“Every time you say you’re busy, you’re either eating or watching movies. I figured it was the latter.”

Seoha snorts, shrugging as she concedes this battle. It’s true that Jungkook knows her too well for her own good. “Not too many, nosy. Just a few. What are you up to?”

“I’m coming over, actually. What are you watching right now?”

By now Seoha is accustomed to Jungkook’s sporadic schedule. They’ve been friends for years, Jungkook often finds time to pop in for a few minutes. 

“Just started the Grinch.”

“Oh, perfect! I’ll be over in a bit.”

Jungkook shows up not long after, kicking his shoes off followed by his parka and beanie. Seoha laughs at his getup, not even bother to get up off the couch to say hello. Jungkook doesn’t mind, he simply plops down beside her. 

“What’s up?”

Seoha grins. “Be it ever so heinous, there’s no place like home.”

Furrowing his brows, Jungkook lofts himself up onto one arm. “What are you-”

“One man’s toxic sludge is another man’s potpourri.”

Jungkook stares down at Seoha, starting to laugh. “Are you ok?”

“I could use a little social interaction.”

“Well I’m here, doesn’t this count as social interaction?” 

Seoha laughs at Jungkook’s oblivious state. “If you utter so much as one syllable, I’LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH! If you’d like to fax me-”

Understanding dawns on Jungkook’s face as he pounces on Seoha, pinning her arms down. “Quote the Grinch one more time, I dare you!”

Seoha bursts out laughing, Jungkook following suit until tears are streaming down their faces. Seoha is still shaking with laughter when she finally settles down, Jungkook finally letting her go. 

“I’ve been inside all day,” she laments. “I haven’t seen people for years it feels like.”

Jungkook groans, pulling Seoha up to rest against him. “You sound sleep deprived. Close your eyes.”

Seoha follows his orders, not even bothering to put up a fight. Who knew that watching movies could be so tiring?

Her eyes are only half-open, watching as the movie plays out before her. Sitting between Jungkook’s legs she nearly drifts off to sleep in his arms. 

It’s been too long since Seoha has just been able to sit with Jungkook. It’s times like these that she finally feels like she can breathe again. Jungkook has always had a calming effect on Seoha; he always manages to feel like home. 

Jungkook fidgets where he’s sitting, leaning up to see if Seoha is still awake. He’s just received a text that his car is here. 

1 hour. That’s all he had. 

He sees Seoha’s eyes still barely open. “Why are you still up?”

Seoha rouses a bit, looking up at Jungkook with wide eyes. “If I close my eyes, you’ll leave.”

Jungkook frowns. “Why do you think that?” He can’t help but feel a little guilty, knowing full well that he has to leave now. 

“You always do.”

Gently pulls Seoha back down, mussing her hair. “Close your eyes, we’ll hang out in your dream.”

Perhaps Seoha is just tired enough to believe him, because she’s closing her eyes and letting out a long sigh. 

“’Night, Kook.”

Jungkook grins down at the girl he’s been in love with for as long as he can remember. Someday they’ll have time. 

Someday he’ll have enough time to tell her everything.

“’Night, Seoha.”

He waits until she’s good and asleep before slipping out the door, knowing full well that the sudden cold he feels isn’t because of the December weather.

masterlist

[namkookficrec]

all i want for christmas is you

by islandbreeze (8k, complete, 1/1, M)

tags: oneshot // christmas fluff // strangers to lovers // mistletoe // christmas decorations // making out // minor injuries // jungkook is a sweetheart // professor namjoon // IT guy jungkook // take a shot every time i compare jungkook to an angel // if you do not think jungkook is the cutest person alive then reading this will be exhausting for you // namjoon has a dog // namjoon falls for jungkook // but like literally

summary:

When Namjoon turns back around, Jungkook is looking at him in wide-eyed horror.

“Oh my God, I’m so rude. I didn’t even offer you anything to drink. And you’re probably freezing. Look at me, just decorating my tree like you aren’t even here?! Why am I the worst? Can I get you anything? Tea, or coffee, or something?”

Jungkook practically sprints out of the living room. “Do you want a cookie?” he calls, halfway down the hall by now, disappearing towards what Namjoon assumes must be the kitchen.

“Are they chocolate chip?” Namjoon calls after him hesitantly.

“What other kind of cookie is there?” Jungkook shouts back.

This man might be my soulmate, Namjoon thinks to himself.

It’s kind of weird how comfortable he feels, sitting here in a stranger’s home — but there’s something about Jungkook’s unassumingness, the way he’s flitting around the house like a bird with too much energy, fetching treats like some sort of angelic cookie fairy. Namjoon has lost all motivation to leave.

AO3

[ahundredtimesover]

It’s so fun to read dynamics like this, especially when OC is characterized this way - grinch-like, not mean and asshole-y, but just needs a match - in adorably patient and lovable jk - and a bit of a nudge to enjoy simple things. Their relationship was cute and that little Christmas moment was truly a moment. 🥰🥰

( SPEAKING IN BODIES. )

The holidays have never meant much to you - less a promise of Christmas morning joy and more a reminder of all the things you’ve lost.  Some would call you a grinch; others, just a plain old asshole.  Jeon Jungkook would call you both.  The more time you spend together, though, the more you thaw, melting beneath the sun that seems to sit right in the centre of his chest.

pairing.  jjk x f!reader.  genre + rating.  mature.  holiday!au.  humour, fluff, angst, one (1) brief mention of bedroom activities.  tags.  jungkook being annoying, reader being equally annoying, referenced minor character death, super corny holiday-themed jokes.  wc.  5.1k.  beta reader.  @hobi-gif​, my forever queen, and @yeoldontknow​, my saviour.  graphic.  @kookdiaries​ (ty!!).

a/n.  this is a gift for the hoeliday well spent portion of the christmas in july collab hosted by the incredible @kookdiaries​, @kithtaehyung​, and @xiaokoo​.  please give every fic included a read because this is a wonderful idea and exactly what everyone needs during these hot summer months. ✨

November 25th.  A day like any other.

For most people, at least.  For you, it’s the day you’d signed your life away.  A bit dramatic, perhaps, but true nonetheless.  It’s exactly one month from Christmas, the same day your father had brought you into his office and levelled you with that stare of his - firm, unrelenting, the kind of look that left no room for debate.

(“Just take care of it,”  he’d said, dismissive.  

“Why me?”  you’d shot back, exactly the petulant child he always claimed you to be.

He, more than anyone, should have known asking this of you was a recipe for trouble.  But in true fashion, in the maddening way that only fathers could master, he’d brushed you off.  Said something about taking one for the team before his assistant had shepherded you from the room.)

It bothers you even now, a week later, standing beneath the awning of the bus shelter, rolling luggage settled at your feet, down jacket pulled tight around your body.  It’s colder than you’d anticipated and only because you’ve been standing there for far longer than you’d been prepared for, ends of your fingers touched by the cold, tip of your nose suffering the same treatment.

Keep reading

[jeonqkooks]

supernova | jjk (02)

series masterpost / playlist ; moodboards

"When the stars align, I'll meet you then."

Another Life - Surf Mesa ft. FLETCHER, Josh Golden

pairing: jungkook x reader

rating: PG

genre/warnings: idol au, exes to lovers, fluff if you squint??, angst !! with a happy ending thank fuck, not very edited bc this is me we're talking about!!

word count: 5.3k

note: ahhh so the supernova people can speak lmao this is my only fic where the characters have only had approximately 2 lines of dialogue 🥴 anyway i can't believe supernova has ended up here!! from what was supposed to be an angsty as hell oneshot, she's blossomed into - well, whatever this is bc i don't wanna spoil anything :')

— as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

When the bakery owner – Jiwon is her name, as you’ve come to learn – informed you that she would be closing the place in a month, you could not help but sink.

One month. It feels like a countdown to your ending all over again.

You didn’t tell her that the reason you stayed loyal to the humble pastry shop wasn’t because of their impeccable treats, though they were certainly a huge plus.

You didn’t tell her that this place had become a safe haven for you, somewhere you could always seek refuge in whenever the world became a little too much to handle and all you needed was to reminisce on happier days.

When the smell of cherries on danishes oddly meant apricots and the universe. When stars weren’t just luminous spheroids made of hydrogen and helium but were housed in a pair of dark brown orbs, twinkling even in the presence of the sun. When home was not an apartment with four walls, scattered with crooked picture frames but a person with a bunny smile and a permanent tiger lily on his arm. When love was everything you needed and that was enough to conquer anything at all.

“It’s not easy closing this chapter of my life, but hopefully I’ll be moving onto bigger and better things!” she had told you with a bright smile on her face, eyes crinkling with sheer excitement for happier days in the future, oblivious to the way your poorly bandaged heart started to bleed again.

Your friends, family, and even this middle aged woman who is practically a stranger to you, have carried on with their lives. They’ve all moved onto new chapters, perhaps even onto new books altogether but you’re still here, rooted to the spot on the same page even after all this time. A novel that no one wants to read anymore, tucked away in a corner of a dusty old shelf, hidden from the light of day. Sealed away to be forgotten…

What a terribly lonely place it is.

You tried to mimic that cheery smile and offered her your kindest sentiments – wishing her good luck with her future endeavors, hoping that she will succeed in whatever chooses to do next – but it’s sad that you know you didn’t mean them, not really.

You couldn’t even if you wanted to. All rational thoughts were out the window the second that Jiwon announced the imminent closure of your most treasured place.

The tapestry gets pulled apart at the seams. Another puzzle piece that will inevitably chip away until the perfect picture of you and him will revert back to the blank canvas it once was.

What will you move onto?

You didn’t talk to Jungkook for months after your worlds shattered, not until the boys achieved yet another milestone that you had to text him congratulations. There were, of course, many things to be considered before you finally had the courage to send that one simple line.

Thank you, he had replied then, we all miss you.

You were thankful that he opted for a neutral “we”.

Even after that first message, the texts only came every time a birthday or a major holiday rolled around, or whenever something happened in either of your lives that was monumental enough to revisit the perpetually fresh wound of your break to share your excitement for the other’s successes. Mostly Jungkook’s, and mostly because half of his life was on the news anyway. You, on the other hand, never took the initiative to share anything significant in your own life, not unless he asked.

There’s this thing he always did that you think might have been deliberate, but you couldn’t really be sure; maybe you’d have to ask him in another life.

It’s silly to mull over messaging etiquette like you were a teenage detective and your crush’s texting pattern was the single greatest casefile you would ever solve, but he never leaves you on read.  He never lets you be the one to send a message last. Even after you both have bidded your goodnights and there is no more small talk to be had. Even when the last thing you sent is a mere lol in response to a stupid comment he made after goodbye, he would still tack on at least a smiley face afterward.

Jungkook could easily chalk it up to his hectic schedule and leave your messages to hang in the dead space of your phone, but he doesn’t though, and you never know how to feel about that.

Sometimes, you’re curious if he’s found someone else yet – a new love to take your place and be everything that you couldn’t be for him – and feel your heart twisting in your chest at the possibility that maybe he has. You’re in no position to care about this; you forfeited the right when you asked him to let you go, but nonetheless the human mind is a funny paradox, and the heart is full of nostalgia.

On nights where you’re brave enough to welcome that familiar ache with open arms, you entertain this possibility. It always starts with a woman, faceless but undoubtedly beautiful beyond words. You want her to be kind, you want her to be gentle, you want her to hold his hand while he’s sleeping and kiss his cheek when he wakes up. You want him to be loved and to be happy regardless of who it’s with, and regardless of how much you wish it could be with you instead.

No matter how much the mere thought of it kills you, you hope she fills his heart with so much joy that he forgets the pain of your departure. You’ve always known that eventually, he’ll have to forget all about you.

Jungkook is the sun to your foolish dying Icarus. You were truly in over your head to think that you could ever fit into his world.

Somewhere down the line, you hope there will only be happiness, and smiles so big that they make his cheeks hurt. It’s the kind of happiness that you had with him, where every moment felt like being on cloud nine and where his name was synonymous with every single wonderful thing that you could ever imagine.

It still does – and it forever will, no matter how hard you try to burn him from your daily routine and fail miserably every single day – but even then, it’s colored with shades of melancholy, every letter tinted blue.

Jungkook means the same thing as love, happiness, complete and utter euphoria, your safest haven. Holding hands with a loved one. Freshly baked chocolate chip cookies on a crisp autumn morning. The magical first snowfall of the season. Feeling the sun shining on your face.

And Jungkook means the same thing as sadness, regret, your greatest heartache, your sweetest downfall… The sudden pang of grief that hits you right in the center of your chest when you pass by a familiar street or hear a bittersweet tune. 

It’s hard to comprehend that a person can single-handedly rewrite your entire vocabulary, but he has managed to change you in ways beyond this too. 

It took you a while to familiarize yourself with what life was like before Jungkook. You forced yourself to do things that you usually wouldn’t, just so the discomfort of doing things you hated could overshadow the discomfort of missing him.

Black coffee at 9AM had to taste more bitter than not receiving a good morning text, one that’s littered with smiley faces and kisses.

Morning runs and the burning sensation in your limbs had to ache more than coming home to an empty apartment and crawling into an empty bed, knowing that he’s somewhere out there in the same city, only a drive away from you.

Over time, you got used to it.

Over time, you got used to the absence of him.

In this new life of yours, nothing looks and feels the same as it once was. Colors have all desaturated, though not by much but it’s still enough to throw you just enough off balance. Some days, everything is completely black and white.

Black and white, save for the golden key around your neck. The key to the box of memories he gave you that you still have, tucked away in a soft corner at home.

All of your what if’s, your could’ve been’s, your maybe’s… they all lead back to him. There’s no other solution to this equation; it’s just him. 

Jungkook has altered the very foundation of your life, wedged in between every crevice of your being, left pieces of himself in every facet of your world. Even when he’s gone, his presence still lingers, sometimes like a ghost, sometimes like the remnants of a tattoo you can never fully get rid of. 

Oftentimes, in instances where you don’t have the luxury of being distracted by work, by the hustle and bustle of the city, by just about anything at all, you ruminate on that decision. The one decision that broke two hearts. The one decision that’s still killing you inside.

You aren’t someone who tends to dwell on their past actions, because what’s done is done. No amount of regret or overanalyzing can change what has happened. Life is sometimes cruel like that, and the only thing to do is accept it and move on, learn from your mistakes and try to do better next time.

But Jungkook isn’t a mistake. He isn’t a lesson that you needed to learn because neither of you did anything wrong. It wasn’t wrong to love him, and it wasn’t wrong to leave him either.

Perhaps, the only thing you’re guilty of is getting the timing wrong.

You wonder if you should message him now, to tell him that where your love first bloomed will soon be gone. You wonder if he still remembers this place, if it still holds the same meaning to him as it does to you.

It’s terrible if it doesn’t, and it’s terrible if it does.

Before you know it, the end is here.

As you enter the bakery for the last time, your nostrils are instantly filled with the pleasant smell of freshly baked goods. Jiwon smiles warmly at you from behind the counter when you give her a small wave. The other patrons here move on with their day as usual, paying no attention to you, like they don’t even care that this is the final moment all of you would be spending here.

You grab a pair of tongs and a small tray as you browse through the selection of pastries, looking for your favorite cherry danishes to pair with the hot chocolate that you’ll order at the counter. You pick up a cinnamon roll and a few macarons too, to take home with you afterward.

You hope, in vain, that Jiwon sees it in the way you’re just a beat slower than normal, drawing things out as much as you can, as if it would somehow make her change her mind and keep this place open. Let you live in this bubble for just a while longer.

It’s the finality of leaving. It’s the finality of being left.

Somewhere behind you, the doorbell chimes, announcing a new customer. You don’t notice the person’s sigh of relief as they escape the cold into the nicely heated shelter of the shop, nor the way they take a couple steps and then stop for a minute before their feet continue to carry them to where you are. You don’t care about any of it, until…

A soft voice revives your heart.

“I hear apricot danishes are much better.”

As cliché as it sounds, you freeze. You almost drop everything in your hands, having been rendered immobile while life goes on around you. Chatter continues like nothing has changed. To the people in this bakery, nothing really has changed. They’re sipping on their lattes and catching up with friends over shared blueberry muffins and banana breads, exchanging mundane tidbits in their daily lives and smiling, laughing, drunk on the cozy atmosphere in this wonderful little haven.

“Oh,” you breathe, paralyzed by the many paradoxical emotions running through you at once. Shock, joy, resentment, relief, sorrow… Even though all of it only comes out in the form of a starstruck Hi, but you have a feeling that he understands.

Your voice is small, timid, like a deer caught in headlights, as if he isn’t someone you once knew better than the back of your hand.

His chocolate eyes lock on yours, and he graces you with a warm smile. You’ve missed the simple quirk of his lips. “Hi,” he parrots.

The bell chimes again, and a couple of strangers filter in. You move along to not hold up the line.

“How– what are you– what are you doing here?” you stutter, heart in your throat just at the sight of him. You try and fail at not thinking about the universe bringing him back to you. Because it’s not. This isn’t a cosmic realignment. You two just happen to be in the same place at the same time, and if you were alone right now, you would probably cry.

“I heard they were closing,” Jungkook answers easily. When you look confused, a silent question dancing on the tip of your tongue – How on earth would you know that? – that you don’t know if you should voice, he supplies, “I saw the announcement a couple weeks ago. I still stop by whenever I have time. ”

He puts a hand on your back as if on instinct, when a woman almost bumps into you on her way out. It’s a miracle that you’re still standing upright.

You clear your throat and inhale. “Oh, you do? I’m here almost every other day. Funny how we never ran into each other.”

“Yeah. Funny, isn’t it?” he agrees, smiling at you fondly. It’s a little bittersweet too. “We must have kept missing each other.”

Your mind goes to a dangerous place before you could stop it. Your stupid brain digs into the hidden layers of meaning that might not even be there at all.

We kept missing each other.

I kept missing you.

You don’t trust yourself to say anything, so you gloss over his words, only returning his smile albeit tightly, and continue to move on. Jungkook grabs a tray like you did some 15 minutes ago, and picks a similar danish, foregoing the apricot ones that you tricked him into getting a long time ago, just so you would be able to get your favorites. The cherry danishes that you both have on your individual trays are the last ones. How symbolically cruel.

He hides half his face in the thick wool scarf he’s wearing as you step closer to the counter. When you ask him if the danish is the only thing he’s getting, he nods; and when you tell that you’ll buy him a drink to go with it, he refuses and says he’ll get both of yours, because lord knows he has the money. But you never once gave in, never let him buy you things that you are more than capable of paying for yourself. You don’t this time either, so he relents.

In the end, you pay for the pastries and two hot chocolates, one with extra marshmallows. Once you have your goods, you wonder if he would bid you goodbye and leave, go back to his busy life that demands him to be on the go 25/8. 

If you head outside right now, you two would probably part ways. But you came here today with the intention of burning every little detail of the bakery into your brain for one last time. Having Jungkook here isn’t going to derail your plan. You could pretend that things are fine for now, but then what? You’ve already lost him; you won’t let this place slip through your fingers so easily too.

You head to a spot in the corner where barely anyone can see you but you can observe everything, and to your surprise, he wordlessly follows you. If you were a little braver, you would throw him a cheeky I didn’t invite you to join, even though that’s all you want.

You both take a seat at the small table and talk about your lives and everything that happened in each other’s absence. Like you’re just old friends, catching up after forever apart. You keep waiting for the ball to drop, to see if he would mention a new lover and inevitably ask if there’s anyone special in your life too, but he never does.

It’s been years since you last saw him, and a while since he stepped a little further away from the spotlight that he once called home. Jungkook is still so caring – the occasional texts have already told you as much, and you wonder if it’s because he’s talking to you or if it’s just in his nature to be kind to everyone around him.

The cherries taste sweeter today, and the hot chocolate too. But the aftertaste is painful, knowing that your unexpected and limited time is running out.

At one point, you just sit in silence, watching the people leave. You notice that every time a customer exits, Jiwon’s gaze would linger on the door. You feel like you should’ve brought her something today, like a small houseplant or a bouquet of flowers, as a thank you or a goodbye present. After all, this place has been there for you a lot these past few years.

You try to take in as much as you can. How the wooden table feels under your hands. How the bell sounds when it chimes. How the printed logo on the takeaway cup feels when you brush your fingers over it. Their incredible recipes that always make you feel like you’re taking a bite of heaven. All the photos on the wall of Jiwon and her staff throughout the decade that this bakery has been on this street corner. You can still pinpoint the exact spot you stood at when you first saw Jungkook.

You want this to last a little longer, but you don’t know if you should ask. You want to be selfish just this once and drown yourself in his presence, because this might very well be the last time. 

When the danishes are gone and the beverages are nearly finished, he asks if you have a minute to spare, to walk around and enjoy the last bits of sun for the day.

“Okay,” you say and watch his face light up. A smile graces his lips again and you suppress the shiver that tries to run up your spine. You can still read him so easily. He wants this as much as you do, and it’s absolutely devastating. Just two people who love each other and a casket full of things unsaid.

Once you’ve collected your things and gone outside, leaving behind your second home for good, Jungkook tips his head somewhere to the right with a question in his eyes, and you know what it means instantly. 

You head down a small, hidden street filled with quaint houses that you both used to love. You haven’t been down this road in forever; it feels surreal that the first time you revisit it in ages is with him, and on today of all days. Cosmic realignment.

No. Stop that.

The two of you walk alone down the narrow street, save for the few times that a student in uniform walks by, eyes glued to their phone as they head home after school, or an older woman hurrying past with her bags full of groceries. He lets his arm brush against yours as you stroll and marvel at the way the colors of the sky reflect in the old windows, shifting from blue, to purple, to pink all in a matter of minutes. Ribbons of clouds unravel in the same way you do.

Eventually, you end up at a small park by the riverfront when cement turns into grass. There’s more people here; people walking their dogs, parents and children enjoying hot snacks on nearby benches, couples with their hands in each other’s coat pockets, trying to stay warm. You’re envious of the last ones that most.

Jungkook must have seen you watching them, because his knuckles touch yours tentatively and a long forgotten habit kicks in. When you instinctively pull back and mutter a quick Sorry, it hurts two hearts at once. 

Back then, every time that he let you go when there was someone else around, someone who wasn’t privy to knowing about you, you would apologize even though it wasn’t your fault that you were a secret. He would always lightly scold you, telling you that you had nothing to be sorry about, but he could never remedy this. It wasn’t possible back then, and Jungkook never found a way to not make you feel like a problem to be dealt with when all you wanted was to hold his hand.

No one is even looking now, but you guess it’s just muscle memory, even after all this time.

You clutch the paper bag holding the pastries, feeling awkward that you just jerked back like he had burnt you. Eyeing an empty bench, you ask if he wants to sit down. As you cross the short distance over there, you realize that it isn’t big enough for you to comfortably put some space between your bodies. The regret is almost immediate.

You sit down next to him with your thighs touching. He’s close enough that you can spot a fallen eyelash on his cheek, but your hands remain in your lap, busying themselves with smoothing over your bag of treats, fighting the urge to brush your fingers against his face.

You focus on the river in front of you and how the water paints a shimmering picture of the setting sun. On the other side of the bank, cars faintly honk at one another as traffic piles on, a cacophony of noises seemingly so far away from your little bubble right here. You feel Jungkook’s eyes on the side of your face, but you don’t dare look at him.

All the times that you have spent, caged in the solitude of your bedroom, wanting to call him and knowing that he would be there for you in a heartbeat, no questions asked. He would be there, and he would hold you until the sun rises, until you stop shaking and crying, until everything feels like it’s going to be okay again even though you both know it isn’t.

Because missing him comes in waves. And why more often than not, you want nights to last longer and days shorter, you want the sun to sink under the horizon faster so darkness can embrace the sky. Because when the stars come out, it feels like being wrapped in his warm embrace again, feels like staring into those twinkling eyes again, feels like he’s right there with you as if you don’t carry him in your heart everywhere you go. You started dreading summers and relished in harsh, long winters – it’s ironic how the cold can make you feel such warmth.

Jungkook is right next to you, and you still miss him.

Some say watching the sun rise over the Grand Canal in Venice is the most beautiful sight one can ever hope to witness. Others say the most wonderful experience is to take in a sunset from Piazzale Michelangelo, Florence, with a glass of wine in hand.

Jungkook has done it all – Rome, Paris, London, all the most marvelous cities to have ever existed. He’s been all over the world and witnessed the endless beauty that it has to offer, but you’re still the most breathtaking thing he’s seen by far. 

Here, holding a bag of baked goods and leaning against a backdrop of cotton candy clouds. The wandering sun casts a golden glow upon your profile, though he would think that you look ethereal regardless.

It’s a sight that he’s too familiar with. He’s seen it many times in his dreams, but the last time he got to have you like this was years ago. 

“Do you ever…” Jungkook starts and then stops for a bit, like he’s deciding if he should go through with the question. “Do you ever wonder… what could’ve been… with us?”

All the damn time.

“Do you?” you ask instead, eyes still on the water, how it ripples when the wind blows. The cold nips at your skin, making you shiver.

“Every single day,” he answers earnestly, like you had expected him to. “You’re not someone I can forget about that easily.”

Some kid throws a pebble into the river. Your heart, like the pebble, sinks to the bottom. The sun sets eventually, to give the sky to the moon. 

You don’t know what to say to him next, so you just hum softly. One of your hands rubs absentmindedly between your collarbones, where the key rests under your sweater. You trace the outline of it over the fabric, hoping to soothe the ache you feel.

Jungkook continues, saying something that you wish he hadn’t.

“I’ve missed you.”

Your eyes well up and your chest feels impossibly tight. It’s getting dark now, but the moon is starting to peek through. There’s not a lot of stars tonight, though you can never really see them in the city anyway. You want to tell him to stop, to tell him that neither of you can take this anymore because wasn’t it enough the first time around? It doesn’t matter if you still love each other. It doesn’t matter that you’re both a little older and wiser, and have thicker skin now to weather heavier storms, because the world hasn’t changed. It’s still rooting for your demise at every turn.

But… all that comes out of your mouth is this, cracking foolishly at every syllable: “I’ve missed you too.” I’m missing you right now.

Jungkook nods slowly, mostly to himself. It’s so cold now without the sun, and especially when you’re sitting right by the waterfront. The wind is so cruel, picking up speed when it knows you just want to reach out for his warmth. You want to go home.

“What if we give it another try?”

A tear escapes. You lick your dry lips. “You know we can’t,” you tell him.

“Why not?” he asks, a sense of urgency in his voice now. “I love you. I’m still in love with you, and I know you feel the same way. Don’t even lie to me.”

You frown, not even bothering to wipe the moisture from your face. “Because love is not enough! I don’t fit into your life. It’s never going to work. We’ll just end up here again.”

You feel his shoulders sag against yours, and when he speaks next, his voice is considerably more quiet, deflated, “You are my life. I haven’t been myself ever since you left.”

“Don’t… don’t say that,” you whisper. “You have your dreams. I’ll always get in the way of that.”

Jungkook twists the rings on his fingers, a nervous tick. The conversation pauses, and you think now is probably a good time to just get up and leave. You’ll get nowhere arguing with him about this. It’s been a long day.

You will your legs to stand, already thinking if you should walk a safe distance away from him and call an Uber there, but he tugs at your coat, standing up too.

“I don’t care,” he says.

“What?”

“Nothing is fucking worth it if there’s no you. Why do my dreams matter if you aren’t there? I regret letting you go all the time. I regret always putting my dreams before you.” Jungkook stops to chuckle bitterly before stepping closer. His eyes, filled with all the resolution in the world, pin you to the spot. “I was too stupid to think that I could have it all. But I would leave everything behind if you’re willing to give this another go.”

You’re only aware that you’re crying because he reaches up to wipe the tears away.

“You don’t mean that,” you say.

“Yes, I do. I’ll let everything go if you say yes.”

You utter the same words as you did back then. “You’ll resent me one day.”

“No,” Jungkook says, water pooling in his own eyes as he tells you, “I won’t. Because I’m with you. I’m still with you.”

He takes one of your hands, timidly at first, lacing your fingers together, and your eyes widen slightly, blinking at his face in surprise. You’re looking at him, really looking at him, maybe for the first time today.

And… he’s here.

He’s still the same Jungkook you knew.

His eyes are still the stars. His smile is still the sun.

There’s no love lost here, only found.

He looks so sure of himself, like he believes so ardently in you and him that it makes you want to believe too. That things will work out this time around, that you will never have to lose each other ever again.

Stop, is what you would tell him if this were a phone call, or a text message, where you don’t have to feel his skin on yours or look into his eyes, so full of conviction, or be able to clearly hear every cadence of his voice as he promises you a future where you don’t have to hurt.

It’s what you would say if you were capable of thinking with your head right now.

But in the end, all you have is a heart that loves him.

“Okay,” you say, and Jungkook actually does cry. You wipe at each other’s faces with freezing hands, not caring that people might think you’re a couple of weirdos, crying in the middle of a park in the cold. You notice that the wind has calmed, like it’s stopping to watch how the story unfolds.

“I’m sorry it took me so long.”

You’ve never seen him like this before, with the weight of the world no longer on his shoulders.

You think back to the start of your relationship, when a silent question arose in a bout of insecurity. It’s a question that would cross anybody’s mind when they’re merely mortal, a speck of dust compared to the entire Milky Way. 

You could have anyone. Anyone at all. Why is it still me?

You didn’t have the courage to voice it aloud, but he understood. It’s funny how he always understands the thoughts in your head that you never have the strength to speak into the universe. Jungkook took your hand then too, just like how he’s doing it right now. He turned your head to look at him, into those starry eyes that he made sure you knew shone just for you.

He utters the same sentiment that he did way back when. The last time you heard it, the statement – however true it might have been – was merely a bandaid over gaping wounds. It had appeased you in the moment and managed to calm your raging sea of anxiety and heartache for a split second, but you saw how that turned out to be. You both know that ending all too well.

This time, for some holy reason, his words feel just right as they nestle within your ribcage and settle next to your heart. The meaning behind his simple declaration holds you together and patches up the parts of you that were shattered long ago – infinitely small pieces of your heart and soul – into a mosaic worthy of being loved and adored by him.

Jungkook is the sun, yes, and Jungkook is the moon. He brings light and love into your life just by existing. He breathes, and your world is better for it, endlessly so.

Jungkook is, and always will be, your entire universe.

Cosmic realignment.

I want you, is what he tells you. I’ve always wanted only you.

all rights reserved © jeonqkooks. reposting, translating and modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted 12.11.22]

[mercurygguk]

risqué: a valentine’s special | jjk (m)

➵ summary; it’s Valentine’s Day and even though you know Jungkook is a romantic guy, you didn’t actually think he had any plans for celebration, so it’s very much to your surprise when he actually has something planned after all.

PSA – this has nothing to do with the current risqué timeline and is only posted bc it was Valentine’s Day yesterday and someone requested it, so here you go!

pairing; jungkook x f. reader

word count; 2,475

rating: 18+

content; risqué couple celebrating Valentine’s Day (outside of the actual storyline), it’s just really really soft and i might cry bc i love this couple sm

warnings; mentions of sex, no smut tho sorry guys

a/n; had an anon wishing for a Valentine’s Day drabble/oneshot of the risqué couple and your wish is my command so here it is :) enjoy!

it’s almost five in the evening when your phone lights up as it starts ringing, an incoming call flashing across the screen. happily forgetting all about your books on finance and other incredibly boring business stuff, you reach for it and answer the call without checking who it is. you will grab any chance you get to not study this unbearable subject.

"hello?”

“hey,” jungkook’s voice flows through the speaker, bringing a smile to your face. “i hope you’re not busy, i’m taking you somewhere tonight.”

“oh?” excitement fills your body as you wait for an elaboration. although it never comes. instead he tells you to wear something warm.

“i’ll be there in 10,” he announces, “see you soon, baby.”

then he hangs up and you’re left wondering what just happened. taking you somewhere? so randomly out of nowhere? it isn’t until you spot the date on the lockscreen of your phone that you realize what day it is. you completely forgot about this day as you didn’t actually think jungkook would plan anything for the two of you to do. you thought if you just simply forgot the existence of this holiday, you wouldn’t be disappointed when the day was over and jungkook hadn’t done anything remotely romantic. you did think about doing something for him but you weren’t really sure he was into celebrating valentine’s day despite knowing him well enough to categorize him as a romantic guy.

to be honest, you were a bit disappointed in your boyfriend last week when your friend told you about her plans with her girlfriend, jealousy rising within you while listening to her gush about it. and you did grumble about it for the rest of the day, wondering why jungkook hadn’t even mentioned valentine’s day despite it coming closer and closer for each day. but since he didn’t mention it, you didn’t either. you didn’t want to come across as that type of girlfriend who expects her boyfriend to do every single romantic thing that’s listed in the handbook for relationships.

however, the amount of excitement is doubled at this point as you realize that jungkook hasn’t forgotten or ignored this special day on purpose. he simply waited because he wanted to surprise you. you let out an excited squeal as you get up from your desk and make your way to your closet. what kind of outfit would be warm but still cute and sexy enough to make jungkook want to rail you later tonight? okay, maybe it doesn’t matter. you’ll probably end up with your ass in the air and your face buried into the sheets anyway.

you tap your chin as you stare at all of your clothes, considering every single option you have. after a good minute of intense staring, you grab a pair of loose and high-waisted blue jeans and a white tank-top. you slip it on and reach for your favorite knitted sweater, slipping it over your tank-top and then a long wool coat. to top off your outfit, you put on your platform dr. martens. after putting on some light makeup and throwing your hair into a bun in the back, you’re ready to go. and just on time, someone is knocking on your dorm door.

once the door is open, you’re being suffocated by a pair of pink, plump lips that taste all too familiar but you wouldn’t have it any other way. jungkook’s hands are on your waist, pulling you close against him as he tilts his head to the side, deepening the kiss. your tongue meets his and you’re weak in the knees, in need of jungkook to keep you on your feet. when he pulls away, he’s smiling and bringing his hands up to cup your face, unable to control himself as he places one last kiss on your lips.

“what if i had late classes today?” you ask him teasingly as his thumbs brush over your cheeks. you don’t have classes, thankfully. you just want to know what his plan b would be if you actually had classes and couldn’t just let him take you somewhere for an entire evening.

“you told me the other day you didn’t have classes at all today,” he shoots back rather quickly as if he was prepared for this question. he smirks softly as he drops his arms to slide them around your waist. he steals another kiss before saying: “i know what you’ve been hoping for, baby. you really thought i wouldn’t have anything planned?”

you feel your cheeks heat up as he calls you out, that knowing smile on his face. he laughs when you bury your face in his chest, groaning softly. he presses a kiss to the top of your head as he slides his hand into yours.

“come on,” he tugs you along. you follow in his tracks, making sure to close and lock the door to your dorm after you before letting jungkook guide you outside to his car. as a true gentleman, he opens the passenger door for you and waits for you to get settled before closing it again. you watch with a smile as he walks around the car. he looks incredibly handsome, very relaxed, and you know for a fact he went home after work before he went to pick you up – he’s dressed in a pair of washed black, slightly loose jeans, a dark grey hoodie and a black puffer jacket thrown over it – an outfit he definitely wouldn’t wear to work.

once he’s inside the car, roaring the engine to life, you turn in your seat to face him. he glances at you, a smile spreading across his face when he sees you smiling at him already.

“so… where are we going?” you curiously ask.

jungkook shrugs nonchalantly before pulling the car out of the parking lot and onto the road, “you’ll have to wait and see.”

huffing, you pout as you slump back in your seat, “not fair.”

he chuckles, reaching over to grab your hand in his, his fingers sliding between yours. a tingle shoots through your entire body as he brings it up to kiss the back of it – repeatedly might you add.

“you might as well get settled because it’s gonna be a bit of a ride,” he tells you, glancing at you as the car comes to a stop at a red light.

a bit of a ride? where could he possibly be taking you for the ride to be long? you look at him in confusion, wanting to ask more questions but you decide not to, already knowing he won’t budge and give you answers. he’s stubborn like that. instead you settle into the seat, hand still intertwined with jungkook’s. as a comfortable silence fills the car, you sneak a glance at jungkook while he’s focused on driving. you managed to hit the late afternoon traffic, so he’s being extra observative. you love watching him drive; the way he’s focused but still relaxed enough to sneak a glance at you once in a while, just to check up on you. he’s also incredibly good at maneuvering the car, easily following the traffic and gracefully merging onto the highway, settling for an acceptable speed before turning on cruise-control.

“what?” jungkook chuckles when he notices you staring with a small smile on your face.

“nothing… i just like to watch you drive,” you shamelessly flirt with him. “you look hot when you drive, you know?”

jungkook shakes his head at you, smiling as he returns his eyes to the road. you smirk softly when you notice his ears turning a soft pink color. it’s nice to know you can make him flustered too. it makes you feel like you still have some kind of power over him just like you did before he was your boyfriend.

the next hour of the ride, you’ve fallen into a slumber. you’re curled up in the passenger seat, using your coat as a blanket. the heat in the seat mixed with jungkook’s thumb caressing the back of your hand had you falling asleep in record time. winter exams and studying have been draining you lately and you haven’t really had some quietness ever since classes started back up in the beginning of february. you’re only two weeks in and already tired as hell. jungkook knows what it’s like, so he doesn’t mind you falling asleep. in fact, he kind of hoped you would. that way you wouldn’t see where he was taking you, wanting it to be a surprise.

two hours into the ride, the car comes to a stop. you’re woken by the sound of jungkook’s car door being shut. a few seconds later he’s opening your door, bending down to look at you. there’s a warm, comforting smile on his face as he leans in, his lips pressing against your warm cheek. “morning, sleepyhead,” he mutters softly, grinning when you roll your eyes playfully.

“sorry,” you mumble, slipping your coat on and getting out to join him outside of the car. what surprises you is that it’s completely dark. the only light are some kind of street-lights illuminating a pathway to a higher point you can’t tell what is. “where are we?” you ask, confusion written all over your face as you look up at your boyfriend.

“i’ll show you,” jungkook says, “come on.”

you slip your hand into the hand he’s offering you, immediately clinging onto his arm as if you’d be snatched away from him at any moment. you look around as you walk, following the pathway you noticed before. there’s pretty much nothing around; there’s a makeshift parking lot of gravel and dirt which is only occupied by jungkook’s car as you’re the only ones here. you see trees – pine trees it seems – you’re walking on gravel, your leather boots not doing much to keep your feet warm in the cold february weather. jungkook’s warm hand and body is the only source of heat you can find right now.

“jungkook,” you whisper his name, suddenly feeling like this place is not supposed to be this quiet.

jungkook glances at you with a raised eyebrow, “why are you whispering?”

you shrug, “i don’t know, it felt like the right thing to do. where the hell are we?”

he laughs, “you’ll see in a second, just keep walking.”

and so you do. despite being somewhat on edge, you decide to put all of your trust in this man whom you’ve been calling your boyfriend for quite some time now. before you can ask him again, jungkook comes to a halt and you let out a gasp of surprise. jungkook’s hand slips from your grip as you take a few steps forward, looking around and up and down. you’re on top of a smaller mountain, on a viewpoint that overlooks other mountains and a whole lot of trees. in the distance you can see the tiny, faint lights of seoul city and when you look up you’re seeing a cloudless sky filled with stars scattered all over the dark, almost jet-black, canvas.

jungkook is already looking at you when you look back at him, not the slightest hint of a smile on his lips. instead there’s a look on his face you can’t read at all but you feel it in the very deepest part of your heart.

“this place…” you mutter, still shocked from the view you’ve just witnessed, “jungkook, it’s beautiful. how did you find it?”

he shrugs as if it’s no big deal, hands in the pockets of his puffer jacket as he steps closer to you, “went on a long drive once, found it by accident. i’ve been wanting to take you here for months.”

your chest warms at his words, leaving you all giddy on the inside and unable to offer him a response that feels right. instead you close the distance between you, leaning on your toes to connect your lips with his, your hand cupping the nape of his neck. he dissolves against you, arms sliding around your waist and pulling you close, no spaces left between you and him. a relieved sigh leaves him as you deepen the kiss, tongue slipping between his lips and gliding against his. he’s hugging you tightly to his body as your arms lock around his neck, kissing becoming more eager as a moan slips out of you.

“i love it,” you whisper between kisses, the air from your words brushing against his lips. he smiles as he dives in for another longing kiss.

“good,” he whispers back, kisses turning into soft pecks before he’s pulling away entirely. he grabs your hand again, pulling you closer to a bench that is placed close to the fence surrounding the viewpoint. he sits down, pulling you down next to him.

silence surrounds the two of you as you sit, looking around you and up at the sky. the stars are twinkling, some bigger than others and some creating constellations you can’t remember the name of because you didn’t really pay attention when that was the subject in high school. but it still brings a feeling of happiness up in you as you feel jungkook sneaking a glance at you. he’s watching you watching the sky, his mind racing as he thinks about how easy it is to adore you. how easy it is so be completely under your spell and let you consume his heart the way that you have. how he’s realizing that-

“oh, look!” you suddenly blurt, pointing to the sky, “shooting stars!”

jungkook looks up, just barely spotting the last glimpse of a shooting star before it disappears again. he nudges you, catching your attention. you look at him.

“make a wish,” he tells you.

you smile and look up at the sky again, eyes focusing on a specific star that is shining more than the others. you close your eyes and inhale deeply, “i wish this night will last forever.”

the inhale you took leaves you in a deep sigh as jungkook’s lips press against your temple, leaving a soft kiss thta makes your cheeks heat up.

“your turn.” you watch as he closes his eyes for a moment before opening them again. you frown lightly, taking notice of how he didn’t say it out loud like you did. “what did you wish for?”

“If I tell you, it won’t come true.”

he receives a playful glare from you, “you know my wish.”

shrugging, he smiles and leans closer, lips hovering over yours; “i’m not gonna tell you. sorry, baby.”

a huff leaves you as you let your head fall to rest upon his shoulder, “better be a good one, jeon.”

jungkook gives your hand a squeeze as he softly says: “it was.”

[hellbornsworld]

JUNGKOOK FANFIC RECOMMENDATION (10) ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧

💚 Banter | Superhero!Jungkook X Supervillain!Reader | OneShot | @littlemisskookie

💚 Send Me a Pic | Jungkook x female reader | OneShot | @74jeon

💚 new beginnings | Ceo!jungkook x figureskater!oc | OneShot | @nochukoo97

💚 LOVE ON ICE | Jungkook × reader | OneShot | @btsbrat

💚 heajix | jungkook/reader | alien!au | OneShot | @httpjeon

💚 Our Time | Detective!Jk x Graphic Designer!OC | OneShot | @taestefully-in-luv

💚 please please PLEASE! | JK X Reader | Drabble | @aajjks

💚 domestic daydreams | influencer jungkook x f. reader | OneShot | @euphoricfilter

💚 the right choice | college student! jk x college student! oc | OneShot | @honeytae

💚 Eye-Opener | Jungkook x Reader | Series | @taeshobipop

💚 paid in full | StepBrother!JK X Reader | Series | @trivia-yandere

💚 white lies | athlete!jungkook x reader | OneShot | @noteguk

💚 Secret Slut | Personal Assistant!Jungkook x CEO!Reader | TwoShot | @jeonsweetpea

💚 Marked Kisses | Yandere!JK X Reader | Series | @74jeon

💚 tis the damn season’ | jungkook x reader | @jqngkooz

💚 WELCOME TO THE HEARTBREAK SHOW | kind-of-tsundere!jungkook x female!reader | OneShot | @numinousher 

💚 Home for the Holidays | idol!Jungkook x female reader | OneShot | @writemywaytoyourheart

💚 closer | dongsaeng jungkook × noona reader | OneShot | @blublublujk

💚 Everything In You | Jungkook x f. Reader  | OneShot | @jjungkookislife

💚 pent up stress | husband!jungkook x wife!reader | OneShot | @rrjkive

💚 How to Get a Guy. | Jungkook x Reader | TwoShot | @taeshobipop

💚 Chasing Shadows | Jungkook x f.Reader | OneShot | @colormepurplex2

💚 PROPOSALS | Jeongguk x reader | OneShot | @pjxmin

💚 Something Wicked This Way Comes | Jungkook X Reader | OneShot | @softyoongiionly

💚 La Belle et la Bête | Jungkook X Reader | OneShot | @chaoticpuff17

💚 I Don't Share | Idol!Jeon Jungkook x Back up Dancer!fem reader | OneShot | @atinystraynstay

💚 holi-blaze | dealer!jeon jungkook x (f)reader | Series | @darklingjeon

💚 desperation | jungkook x reader | OneShot | @jungkwok

💚 Workaholic | ceo!jungkook x wife!reader | TwoShot | @kookxmira

[inkofyoonkoo]

I gasp once, and in that breath, I accept you in | 2

🏵️ Wordcount: 34k 🏵️ Genre: Fluff/angst/smut | From strangers to lovers!AU • FWB!AU 🏵️ Jungkook x Reader 🏵️ Description: In which Jungkook arrives to your small town to spend the holidays, and you slowly let go of all the ghosts of your past 🏵️ Warnings: age difference (10 years gap, both characters are adults); mention of panic attack; characters death (not the main protagonists);  🏵️ [EDIT] I should’ve added it since the beginning but I totally forgot because I’m dumb. The little poems that open every scene aren’t mine (I’d give a finger to write that beautifully 💔): they’re Japanese poems I’ve found randomly, or belong to well-known writers -so to them goes all the credit.  🏵️ A/N: at first, I decided to split this oneshot into two parts. However, after debating with myself for days, I've decided to post this second chapter first, and a sort of epilogue separately (because in my mind, the true ending has always been this one since the very beginning). At the same time, though, I feel that whoever reads a story 60k long and gets affectionated to the characters deserves something worth the time spent. So, yeah, please be warned that a third and last part will be dropped some time in the next few days! Thanks to whoever read the first part and enjoyed it and let me know their opinion! Feel free to hmu if you want. Good read🐰

"With your name on my mouth And a kiss that never broke from yours"

You’d gladly spend the afternoon at home.

Big clouds float in an ocean of gray, threatening a thundershower since you’ve cracked your eyes open. You’d prefer being all safe and sound in a dry place when the rain will surely pour down. 

But… it’s not just that. 

Like a thorn plunged into your skin, there’s a creeping thought that mauls at your brain persistently from the moment your eyes laid upon the calendar, while you were sipping your morning coffee. You know, those sensations you get when the tiniest flap of skin and the most hidden bone seem to tell you that you’re forgetting about something extremely important -and, despite the hours are flying by so fast you can't barely feel time, your mind keeps drifting back to this tearing niggle when you distract yourself, although you really can’t remember what it is.

Every inch of you tells you that you should be at home, on your own, because today isn’t a day like any other…

But around 8:30 AM, Jungkook announced himself on the other side of your door -with a stuttered breath fluttering from his mouth and the cheekbones flushed, as if he finally found the courage to take some action and turn whatever was whirling in his head into reality. Between a rush of sheepish words that swoll the tenderness in your chest like a balloon, he told you that there’s a new place he’d like to show you, eyes shining brighter than the stars you two contemplated the night before, in the backyard of your home. And, if your first automatic reaction was to decline his invitation (you know the village like the back of your hand, nothing is new to you anymore), your heart could only give in to his genuine excitement.  

You accepted his proposal with a tender smile because Jungkook’s euphoria is too beautiful to shatter it.

(Jungkook’s euphoria makes you forget about many important things…)

And so, here you are: climbing one of the many paths along the mountain that rises above your town, under a gray sky that threatens rain anytime soon…

“Stop. Enough. I can’t go on anymore.” Words escape from your mouth in a rough breath; it scrapes against your dry throat, making you cough a little. 

Your legs shake for the uphill trail you've just crossed for about thirty minutes without interruption, you bend on your knees to ease your muscles a little (and avoid plummeting on the ground like a potato sack, sparing yourself the eventual embarrassment). Sweat drops glide down your temples, cover your forehead in shining diamonds gluing to the curls of hair that didn’t fit the tail. Still short of breath, you straighten yourself, the muscles in your thighs flex and burn for the mild effort. Your arms are heavy when you maneuver them to take off your backpack to toss it on the ground, before plopping down next to it.

You place your hands to the side, blades of grass stings in your palm as you take a good chunk in your fist. Swallowing thickly, you tilt your head back to catch some breath and quieten down the frantic beat of your weary heart, trying to ignore every pulsing inch of your body.

“Oh… already ?” Jungkook’s voice wafts over you in an amused melody that has your nose scrunching. But the giggle lingering in the air soon after is enough for your mouth to morph into a small smile. “You really are old, Noona .”

(Lately, Jungkook is using this suffix only when he has to mock you in a playful way; but in a certain sense, you're glad he isn't dropping this honorific title: it's a good enough way to ground you, reminding you that soon he’ll become just a boy you met on holiday -or you’ll become an older woman he met on holiday).

You arch your back as you put yourself into a stretched position, finally regaining some energy. “I’m not old, you little brat. I’m out of shape.” Your eyelids flutter up, ready to play along with his joke. However, words falter and wither in the back of your throat when you take notice of Jungkook’s intense stare, fixed on your figure. 

He's taking in the sight of your breast, adhering to your tank top in a delicate bow. Running the tip of his tongue on his bottom lip, chewing at the corner with so much strength that the skin turns whiter, he sizes you up to your spread legs -eyes flattening out in a catlike curving that has a mild warmth tingling along your groin. Without ripping your gaze off his face, you squeeze them tightly (mostly to get rid of the itchy sensation rather than deprive him of this vision) and Jungkook seems to snap back down to earth, big doe eyes now pinned into your own -brows arched in an ominous sign of disappointment (and shame, probably for having been caught staring). 

You should be uneasy, being observed like a prey at the mercy of a hunter. But something in Jungkook’s stillness makes you feel… alluring. Like he was only mentally listing down all the details that make you the woman you are, for him to perfectly reshape you in his mind when the pair of you will take different paths.

You almost forgot how it feels to be treated like a breathing work of art, and a part of you is desperately clinging to this magnificent sensation…

“Do you mind if we take a break? Only five minutes,” you mumble, laying on the grass before he could agree or nod.

A soft: “ Mhm ” is all you get in return, followed by light footsteps that close the gap between you and him (and that make your heart thump in a rhythmic tum tum tum reverberation in your ribcage). Jungkook situates himself beside you so that he can face you, uses his feet like a little cushion while rummaging through the backpack resting across from him with a little frown between his knitted brows. A tiny huff of proudness flies out his mouth when he finally finds the bottle of water, the plastic scrunches in his tight grip as he takes big gulps.

Tilting your head to the side in the slightest, you contemplate the drops of sweat shining on his honey-like skin, kissed by the feeble sunlight seeping through the big clouds moving fast above your heads. One, solitary drop rolls down the tip of a thin curl of hair stuck to his temple, sketches his jawline before gliding down his neck to disappear under the collar of his shirt already damp. Another drop is about to fall but he cleans it with the back of his hand before rubbing it on the cotton fabric of the garment, spots of sweat scattered all over it. You notice some faded scratch marks on the side of his neck where his tiny mole lays, probably because he rubbed the area too much (your fingers itch, they desperately want to run over it). 

You both stay quiet for the remaining time. Jungkook focuses his attention on his camera, brows snapping together for concentration. He sometimes mumbles disapproving comments before erasing a photograph he doesn’t like -while his mouth pulls up in a proud curve when he likes the shot he took.

Jungkook, this Jungkook, is easy to read. It’s comforting.

“Hey, thank you for coming with me today.” His eyes are fixed on his camera when you gaze at him, enraptured by his low voice. “I know you’ve already seen this place, probably. But I wanted to visit it again with you because it's breath-taking, it reminded me of you and—" He nods a little, cheekbones tinged with a pink shade (you rest your hand on your stomach, trying to ignore the temptation to rest your palm on his face and brush your thumb along the flushed bone). "I - I mean, you might like it. So… yeah, thanks.” 

You rack your brain frantically to search for a good response, but your mind keeps drifting back to the fact that he found something beautiful and worth seeing with you because it actually brought you back into his thoughts, which makes it difficult to focus. 

“It’s ok. It’s been a while since I’ve gone hiking around the area. Somehow, it feels like it's the first time,” you manage to say, delivering him a small smile to reassure him. You stretch your tensed legs, eyelids flickering down to better enjoy this moment of quietness.

“Why did you stop hiking? The place here is beautiful.”

Because Namjoon loves hiking. You used to travel along the hiking roads with him. You sometimes got lost because, in a burst of boldness, you decided to follow paths with no indications along the way. You used to search for mushrooms, or just enjoy the chirp of birds seeping through the fronds. You used to watch the leaves changing color throughout the seasons rolling by, holding his hand into your own. 

Everything seemed much more exciting, when Namjoon was here...

“It is. But after a while… I don’t know, it’s not so interesting anymore.” Of course, this is half of the truth. But you don’t want to talk about you and Namjoon crossing the same trail now marked with yours and Jungkook's footprints. It’d lead to an intimate conversation you aren’t ready to face, disclosing one of the billion memories you don’t want to share with anyone because they might get ruined.

Because Namjoon is yours -he is personal, and you don't want to share him with a boy who will leave soon.

“Oh… you must be bored, then." There's a light wobble of sadness in his voice, despite the little giggle seeped through his lips. 

“I’m not." You take in a deep breath, chest cold for the fresh air just sucked in. "The good thing about stopping doing something for a long time is that it seems exciting when you do it again."

Jungkook pauses, his vague stare lost in the valley of grass opening before his eyes. “I know. When I lived in Seoul, I used to go back to Busan only for the holidays. I was so tired I tended to spend my days locked in my room, though." He scratches his nape. "But when I went back, after dropping out of college, I preferred wandering through the city rather than staying with my parents and… I don't know, but all those places that looked the same when I was little, they weren't so boring anymore." Bitterness morphs his mouth in a smile that doesn't reach his eyes. "Well, everything is more fascinating than parents holding a grudge against you…"

You open one eye, scrutinizing the shadow of gloom shaping his face in a grimacing mask. "Did they make you feel bad for leaving university?"

"A bit. A lot… they still do." You've noticed that if his parents call when the pair of you are together, he doesn't pick up the phone. You've always thought it was a kind gesture to respect the time you are sharing, but you start realizing that he doesn't want to face those conversations in front of you -or he doesn't want to face them in the first place. "They are one of the many reasons why I’m not so excited to go back to Busan." 

You study the hint of sadness tugging at his features, wondering if you should delve more into this topic. The fact is that Jungkook doesn't seem prone to talk about the relationship with his parents, the hardships he went through after dropping out of college, and you don't know how further you can push yourself into his intimacy. You prefer being respectful of his privacy but, at the same time, you're aware that your behavior will only accentuates your I-don't-give-a-damn attitude.

However, before you could even choose what to do, Jungkook shifts the attention upon you. "You said you already went to Busan…" he scratches his earlobe, twiddling with one of the many hoop earrings. 

You nod. “Last time we went there, we went to the sea. It was in Winter, so we couldn't take a bath. But it was… spectacular." Namjoon knows your immeasurable love for the sea, he promised you that you'd go there in summer, someday. You didn't. "I'd like to visit it again."

“You should…” words tumble off his mouth in a dreamy note (your heart lurches in your chest). “I – I can show you around. There are many – many nice places to see.” The softness dancing across his features is soon replaced by a pair of wide doe eyes and a ruby hue pantined along his cheekbones. “Or you can go by yourself. I sometimes prefer traveling all alone. You know, so I can do things at my own pace, in my way…"

You know, you used to be like this, too. Then, your decisions guided you to Namjoon… and you stop thinking like life was meant to be lived only in the company of yourself.

“I sometimes would like to pack my things and, dunno, travel all around the world. There are many places I’d love to see," he confesses, “The idea of staying stuck in one place… it makes me anxious. Like, you know… like I was wasting my life."

A stabbing pain hits you somewhere in your ribcage, in a place you can't exactly pinpoint. “There’s nothing wrong with staying in one place. Stability is comforting.”

He scrunches his nose. “I dunno. It’s just… I see my parents, born and raised in Busan, who never stuck their nose outside their hometown and they… bore me? I mean, the only time they went out of town was for my cousin's wedding, and it wasn't even that far from Busan." His hand runs to the opposite bicep. "The idea of becoming like them, rooted in the same place… it scares me." There's a light twitch in his nose. "People who decide to stay in the same place forever… they are pretty sad ."

Oh…

“Oh…” it's all you can mumble, setting your vague stare on his face. And, maybe it's the way you pronounced it that makes a hundred alarm bells ring in his head, because Jungkook seems to register what he just confessed and panic . He was talking about his parents, sure, but this speech can be extended to a vast segment of people -a segment in which you're included, too.

For the first time since you’ve started hanging out, Jungkook really looks like a city boy who tries to teach something about the surrounding world to a village woman who rarely sticks her nose behind the borders of her cozy town. You could tell him that he’s too young to understand. That someday he’ll grow up and he’ll understand that there are other priorities –and, no matter how much you’d love to pack your things and leave, you can’t. You just can’t. But it’s not a matter of age. It's a wider matter: it's a matter of personality, life styles, and vision of the world…

It's a matter of experiences that scar you deeply.

It's a matter of people you meet and how they help you to nurture the better part of yourself.

Sometimes you meet a man and you fall in love with his shy smiles and his adorable dimples and his words brimmed with passion when he explains something to you and the world around you becomes less interesting because life with him it's a wonderful, gradual discovery that you wouldn't miss for the world. 

But Jungkook never loved anyone with such a deep passion.

He can't understand…

Once again, your brain gets in motion with a jolt, reminding you that today is important, and you shouldn't be spending your time here, with him…

Today… Namjoon… 

“(Y/N), I— shit .” Jungkook lowers his head, clenches his hands into fists. “I didn’t – didn’t mean to—“

“Break over!” you interrupt, delivering him a smile that doesn’t reach your eyes. You tuck some hair behind your ear while turning to recollect your backpack –and avoid the shadow of guilt weighing upon his eyes and lips and shoulders. You just want to go home. You need to go home. “C’mon, it's getting quite late. Show me that place.”

You walk in silence for the entire time. 

Thirty minutes stretching to infinity made of stones rolling down the hill when you accidentally kick them; the chirping of birds seeping through the fronds; the wind stroking the leaves; thunders in the distance; plastic bottles squeezing every time you take a sip of water; clicks of camera.

You're right behind Jungkook, avoiding his stare every time he gazes over his shoulder to make sure that you’re following him.

For a very brief moment, your mind catapults you back to all those times you and Namjoon were basking in the aftermath of a thunderous fight: you were two clockwork bombs ready to explode at the wrong word or gesture; silence was so thick you could cut it with a finger; and deep inside of you there was this seed of fear, like you just fucked up everything. 

You shouldn’t smile, but the corners of your mouth quirk up anyway. 

You almost forgot this bitter sensation: being crossed by the fear that a thing you like is about to come to an end…

You let out a small breath, trying to relax. Soon you'll be back home and you'll finally close this silly summer bracket. Forever. It's probably a good thing that Jungkook revealed the arrogant facet of himself before you'd commit some bullshit. 

“We’ve arrived.” Jungkook’s voice is a bit scratchy, it seeps through the cracks of your consciousness and snaps you back down to earth. 

You climb up along the steep hill to travel these few meters, resting your palm on a tree trunk at the side of the trail to sustain yourself, eyes fixed on the ground to not stumble in your own feet. Gazing up, you take notice of Jungkook, waiting for you at the end of the rise; he's on the cusp of stretching his hand out to help you traverse the last steps, but in a burst of rage you go back to looking down, silently refusing his help (with the corner of your eye, you notice him clench his hand into a fist, sad stare pinned to the tip of his shoes. Your heart cracks a little). 

When you finally arrive at the top, still lightheaded for the energies spent during the hiking, it takes you quite a few seconds to realize which is exactly the place he took you to: it's an opening nestled between the army of trees that runs along the border of a cliff, immersed in the depth of the wood. Beyond the branches and leaves shaped in a natural curtain, you can admire the entire village cocooned between the mountains. 

You approach the chasm slowly, like a force was pulling you from the inside. Paying attention to not slide, you use the rocks like steps, contemplating the village beneath your feet -from up there, the houses are small and chase after one another in a drawing of streets that you could travel with closed eyes. 

The last time you went here, the sun was creeping over the horizon, bathing the town with hues of orange and gold that made the whole scenery look like a living painting (Namjoon was beside you, heavy breath to mark the silence, his fingers intertwined with yours); today, gray clouds curl into the sky, and still they don't notch the magnificence of this view.  

“It’s breathtaking…" your comment tumbles off your tongue in a barely whispered hush due to your incapacity to contain your astonishment before such beauty, rather than for a true desire to share your opinion with Jungkook. 

The boy beside you doesn't seem to catch this subtle difference, though. “It is…” Jungkook sets his eyes upon you, like he was imprinting your side profile between the folds of his brain. “You probably saw this place already," he adds, after a brief pause, going back to contemplating the panorama. 

“I did. Joonie discovered it and took me here.” You notice a muscle twitching in his jaw, teeth chewing at the corner of his mouth. You go back to admiring the landscape, feeling a weight settling in your chest. 

It never gets unnoticed to you the way Jungkook seems to tense whenever you mention your husband, even though he never actively vocalized his annoyance; so, in an attentive attempt to not make him feel uncomfortable, you try to talk about Namjoon as little as possible. But right now, after the things he said, you don't feel like taking care of his internal turmoil. 

You just want to go home, to your routine, to that something important that you can't remember…

Suddenly, a drop falls on your forearm. You gaze up at the fronds, growing thicker for the wind now blowing through them. "We should go… it's about to rain."

Jungkook moves, beside you. You think he's about to climb down the rocks first but when you turn to imitate his movement, ready to follow him, you realize that the boy is actually standing still on his spot. Staring at you. Staring at you with the saddest look you've ever seen on someone's face…

“I’m sorry,” he starts, weak. “I’m so – so sorry, (Y/N). I didn’t – didn’t mean to say what I said—“

“You did…” you interrupt, jaw clenching. Jungkook is like Yoongi, in certain aspects of his personality: he's the type of person who says the wrong (or right) thing at the wrong moment, uncaring about the consequences and the scars their words will leave on people. You admit you appreciate this side of their character most of the time, because they're the metaphorical kick in your ass that helps you to get a grip of yourself; however, it'd be nice if they'd think twice before opening their mouth with so much carefreeness. “But it’s ok. Don't wrap your head over it too much—"

“It isn’t. I – I fucked up, I—“ he moistens his lips, crossing his arms on his chest in a sort of protection. “It’s true. I meant what I said, but I wasn’t talking specifically about you. It was just… a general thing. You, to me, you…” his words fade in the sudden rumble of a thunder in the distance. "You’re interesting .” He stamps a foot on the ground when you chuckle. “I’m not lying, (Y/N). You are interesting to me.”

You let out a sigh. “Jungkook…”

“(Y/N), once you told me that you aren't interesting." His voice is firm, makes all your muscles cripple up. "When we met under the old tree and you were wearing a long skirt and your hair was down and - and you told me that your presence ruined my quietness. And you didn't, you never do…" The fact he's remembering certain details makes goosebump raise on your skin. Or maybe it's just the natural electricity in the air. Whatever it is, you twirl your arms around your waist, shielding yourself from whatever he's about to say. "Anyway, you told me you weren't interesting, and I wanted to tell you how much you were wrong. Because you are - are. You left all the people you love to follow your dreams in another country, and you got married and moved here… you are interesting ." His breath is heavy, he lowers his head. “And I’m an idiot, instead. I’m a twenty three-year-old who dropped out of college and would love travelling around the world but can't do absolutely anything." He chuckles, ruffling the hair falling over his damp forehead (your stomach twists and turns). “I’m so sorry. I fucked up.”

“You didn’t.”

“I did. You are mad—“

“Jungkook, I’m not mad.”

“No. You are, instead.”

You are. But, well… you aren't exactly pissed; you're more… sorely disappointed? The truth is that you've always sensed that Jungkook was spending his time with you because you're the only one who doesn't break his balls about his life; who doesn't judge his choices; who doesn't tell him how to behave; who never showed any real interest in him. You give him plenty of room for him to be himself. But aside from this, he probably doesn't have a great consideration of you: in his eyes, you're just a weird thirty three-year-old, unhappy, who clings to the memory of a man who left her and lives her monotonous life in a village without chasing her dreams. 

Deep down in your guts, you've always known that you're a passtime for Jungkook.

But feeling this -thinking this, and hitting your face against reality… they're two different things. 

You should take advantage of this moment and put an end to… whatever you've built throughout these months; but your dignity is so affected by his words you can't let it go. 

You owe it to yourself, to stay and give shape to your thoughts. 

You can't let a city boy who doesn't know shit about you trample on yourself…

"I was like you too, many years ago. And I still am, sometimes." You moisten your lips, trying to calibrate the light tremble in your voice. “Just because I like living a quiet life in a small village, it doesn't mean that I don't know how the world is out there, or that I wouldn't like to see it."

Jungkook stares at you intensely, like he'd like to open your skull and give a form to your thoughts. "So… what happened?"

"I fell in love." You smile. Your heart melts. Something inside Jungkook melts, too, because he diverts his stare like you've just slapped him. "I fell in love with Joonie and all the things that seemed so important to me… they weren't anymore. It wasn't about me anymore, it was about us …" words flicker in your throat, clogging it. "We had so many projects… then, he left ."

You want to go home. There's something important you've to do, even if you can't remember what it is. It starts to get cold, it seeps through your bones, humidity grows thicker and stickier. Thunders are getting closer. You've to go home…

“I… don't know how it feels to love someone with all you got. Probably—no, for sure , I've never been in love." Jungkook curls his hands around the hem of his shirt, like a child begging for apologies after committing a mischief. "Once, a girl confessed she - she loved me. She said she loved me so much and I just told her: ok . We were dating for six months and I didn't feel anything strong. I thought that if - if she dumped me out of the blue, I wouldn't care much." He lets out a bitter giggle. "I broke her heart. I broke—“ he moistens his lips. “I fear I’ll never experience the type of love you and your husband had and… dunno, maybe I'm the sad - sad person, between us."

You don't know. Love is different for everyone. Love isn't important for everyone. 

Sometimes, you just want to indulge into meaningless relationships, going out with women you introduce to your friends as " girlfriends " only to forget about them at the first sprout of emotion. Sometimes, you're thirty five years old and you just want to have fun, without the desire to build something in two.

Sometimes, you just want to turn back time and tell the girl who's confessing her love in tears that you love her too, but you're too scared to try. Sometimes, you're thirty four years old and her " but I love you " haunts you when you least expect it, to the point you can't even put a like to one of her photographs because it's too late now for you two. 

Sometimes, you're twenty years old and you dream to build your own adult life in total independence, relying only on your own strength. Sometimes, you're twenty two years old and you meet a boy two years older than you and you madly fall in love with him and you start making projects for two. Sometimes, you're twenty-five years old and he asks you to marry him while you're having breakfast, naturally, so naturally you aren't scared at all. Sometimes, you're thirty-one years old and you watch him go away with his bicycle, his "I love you " wafting over you in a melody you're never tired of listening to… and he doesn't come back. 

Namjoon…

Something scratches in the back of your mind. A vague thought, so shapeless you can't grasp it. 

Today … Namjoon…

You want to go home. You've to go home...

“How did you understand you were in love with him?"

"I stopped looking around," you admit, sweetness pulls the corners of your mouth up. "I… I didn't want any serious story. I just wanted to have fun. I had so many guys… you know, mainly friends with benefits, or occasional encounters. It was easier, like this. But Joonie… he was different. I couldn't stop thinking about me and him and all the things we could've done together." You gaze back at the village, a lightning scrapes the sky. "Like… there were things I still wanted to do on my own… but I kept imagining that he'd be there, waiting for me, at the end of a long day. I finally started thinking about my future with someone beside me… and I could only think of him, in those moments."

"Oh…" it's all that Jungkook says. 

He stares at you, hard and long. Eyes big and shiny. Mouth hanging open. Like a long-searched realization finally dawned on him. 

The first drops of rain start falling down over you, anticipated by a loud thunder that almost made the ground beneath your feet tremble. You should move and dash back home, after all it's dangerous to stand in the middle of a forest during a thunderwash. But you're paralyzed for the way Jungkook is looking at you. And you can't move a finger even when he takes a step toward you, paying attention to not slip. Instinctually, you back off, adhering against the tree trunk. 

His hands clench into fists along his sides, his stare dances on every inch of your face, lingering on the lips for a second longer. Imperceptibly, his face seems to gravitate toward you; imperceptibly, you feel like your whole body is gravitating toward him, too.

"The first time we met, you told me that you noticed me because I ignored you… what did you mean?" The question that was buzzing in your head all along finally flies out your mouth, in a sort of self-protection act to stop you from doing something silly (like hugging him. Or kissing him). 

Jungkook's stare widens a little, nose scrunching for the interruption. “Since – since I’ve arrived here, people do nothing but bomb me with questions: where do you come from? Who are you? Why are you here? What's with all those tattoos ?" He stamps a foot on the ground. "Girls left me their numbers on napkins, adults stared suspiciously at me as if, dunno, as if they were expecting me to rob their houses. But you didn't. You… ignored me." Words tumble off his mouth in a rush, but you can still catch a note of frustration. "You only asked me if I wanted some more milk or - or if I needed anything else. I've never felt like a creep, around you. Even now, you respect my space. You respect me . I like it."

Rain starts pouring down heavily, it smashes against you two -against the silence now settled all around you. And you should go, it's dangerous. You want to go back home because today is important and you shouldn't spend it with Jungkook. 

But Jungkook lifts his head up in the slightest, the eyelids flickering down as he lets the raindrops caress his face. He shoves his mint and black hair back with both hands (it grew a bit longer in the past weeks, you wonder how it'd feel under the tips of your fingers), a small smile of serenity etches itself on his face. 

Jungkook makes you forget why today is important…

A thunder makes you flinch, scattering away all the thoughts that were fogging your mind.

"We-we should go—“ you pull yourself out of your own daze, but you move so fast you almost trip on the slippery rocks. 

Picturing yourself smashed against the ground, your heart drops into your stomach… but it flickers up slowly, sustained by a flock of butterflies, when Jungkook grabs you. His hands on your hips. His stare engulfed into your own, crossed by a type of worry that you've seen only in Namjoon's eyes.  

He doesn’t move. 

You don't pull him away.

Raindrops fall from his lashes. Raindrops fall from his curly bangs and sketch his features. Raindrops fall on his rosy lips. On his rosy, tempting lips…

“I’m sorry, (Y/N)… I really am…" he whispers, thumbs drawing circular patterns on your tank top. “You… you are one of the few reasons that make this place beautiful." He catches a breath, a drop falls from his cupid bow. "I… was about to leave, a few weeks ago. I couldn't stand this place anymore. Days were all the same, people got on my nerves… then, you talked to me. Like, talking for real ." A small smile blooms amidst the sadness sprinkled all over his face. And it's all for you. It's all because of you. "You talked to me, and we started hanging out and… and so, I stayed. You made- make me want to stay…" he leans his forehead on your own, hands shifting to cup your face. “I’m sorry…” 

Your hands rest on his back, fingers curling around his shirt. Shivers travel down your spine -maybe it's the cold weather; maybe it's Jungkook's warm embrace. From that position, you can catch a glimpse of the tiny mole laying on his neck (you can't stop picturing your fingers dancing on that area)...

“(Y/N)... can I tell you something?” his question flies out above a whisper, like he feared that the simple sound of his voice might shatter the quietness settled upon you.

“Mh?” you can only hum, staying still. If you’d turn in the slightest to your left, you could brush your lips against his own. You don’t turn.

“You… I - I know this is going to sound weird, and I’ll look like a creep. But I think - think that you’re the coolest adult I’ve ever met.” His eyes shake a little when you meet them, pulling yourself away to stare at his tensed face. The way he pronounced that “ adult ” should make a thousand alarm bells ring in your head, but you’re too enchanted to care. “You never - never questioned me about why I decided to quit university. You never made me feel like a failure because I don’t - don’t know what to do with my life. I, for the first time in a long while, I feel good about myself.” He presses more against you, stare darting to your lips for an imperceptible second. “I don’t know if you don’t ask me anything because you’re not interested or - or you’re just polite. But whatever it is… I appreciate it.”

You avert your stare. Jungkook presses a little further, the tip of his nose now brushing over your temple. 

“I… I’d like to,” you start, eyelids fluttering down when his thumbs caress the puffy area beneath your eyes. “I die for asking you many things, I actually look forward to getting to know you better.” Your voice cracks, his lips part as if he had to suck in all your sadness. "But there are many things I don’t want to tell, too. It seems fair to not ask anything.”

“I want to get to know you better, too. I’ve so many things I want to ask you.” Gently, he applies a little pressure on your jawline to make you turn. “Ask me anything, (Y/N). I want you to know me - me .”

You know that Jungkook will never kiss you. He’s too gentle and attentive to act in a way that could put you in a bad position. And, at the same time, you know this is the right moment to go away and put an end to this surreal situation. To go back to your routine made of small things; to go back to your life, cutting Jeon Jungkook from it.

But your body isn’t ready to let him go (your fingers curl around the collar of his shirt so hard your knuckles turn white). Your body craves to be held, to be touched, to be kissed (Jungkook presses his fingertips so hard you can feel them dig into your skin). 

Since Jungkook bumped into your life, you feel like your sexual urges and sweet desires are awakened…

You lean forward, and Jungkook is already half of his own way. His lips rest on yours for a quick-whispered moment, so brief it could be a figment of your imagination. 

It's all so weird… Since Namjoon has been gone, you've never missed the act of kissing until Jungkook has barely touched your lips with his own. It's all so weird…

Naturally, you feel the call of this natural instinct and decide to follow it, breaking the few millimeters that keeps you from completing the kiss. And Jungkook responds in a heartbeat, like he was anticipating this very moment from the very first time his eyes have laid upon your figure. 

The softness of his mouth is accentuated by the raindrops falling in between, by the tip of his tongue that tentatively touches your own in the slightest. He rests his thumb close to the corner of your mouth, silently inviting you to open more for him, and you beseechingly satisfy this little request. A small whining of surprise raises from the back of your throat at the soft graze of his tongue, podding against your own. 

You cling to his shoulder blades, angling the head just right to follow his pace. You're a bit rusty, but you don't care (you hope Jungkook doesn't care, too). You're sinking in the kiss, in the sloppy sounds of it, in the moans blending, in the rain pouring down on your intertwined figures.  

He rests his other hand on your neck, thumbs brushing along your jawline. You place your fingers on his chest, every toned muscle under the tips is finally consistent and real -not just a tangle of lines painted in the back of your mind through your imagination.

Keeping your left palm pressed on his chest, enjoying the thumping beat of his heart, your right hand flickers to his side, sketches the natural hourglass-curve of his body, landing on the narrow waist. Your pointer slides along the waistband of his bermuda pants -Jungkook doesn't inch away, just groans a little into the kiss, anticipating your next move. You hook the tip of your tongue around his upper lip, carefully letting your digit meander further down. 

Rain pours down on you two, cascades upon his hair gently sticking against his features, upon your doubts and fears, upon the disappointment that made you want to run back home alone. 

Rain pours down and you want to go back home, but with Jungkook…

Absent-mindedly, your hand finally crosses the invisible line that separated you from his bulge, growing fuller under layers of garments. You barely sketch the half-chub of his dick, but the sudden whimpering sound escaping from his mouth, and his head flickering back in a rush, sinks you back down to earth.

You stare at him wide-eyed, feeling an uncomfortable weight of shame settling in your lungs. Hoky fucking—what's gotten into you?! Indulging in your own desires so openly… in a burst of embarrassment, you drift your hand back. But, to your surprise, Jungkook grabs it and places it upon his crotch, making you gulp for the boldness of his reaction. 

He presses his palm on the back of your hand, applies a light pressure for you to cup him fully, gently guides you up and down in a rhythmic movement that has him moaning softly, eyelids flickering down in the slightest. 

"I touched myself this morning thinking of you. And yesterday night, too. And the day before…" he mumbles between sips of breath, his confession makes your chest burst for the desire. "(Y/N), it's been days I'm thinking of you…" it seeps through his lips and lays upon your own in a soft brush. 

Your stare flickers upon his face, shaped with pleasure. Then, you set it back onto his hand still on your own, enchanted by the firmness of his dick caged between layers of fabric. All for you…

Jungkook squeezes his eyes shut when you proceed a bit down with your movement, grazing the curve of his balls, lips parted to exhale a soundless moan. "Can…" he lowers his head, hips swaying forward to feel your touch more. "Can we go back to my place?" 

You… you can't remember why today you should be at home, on your own... 

Jungkook grabs your hand, guides you down the hill...

But if you can't remember it… 

Jungkook stops half-way to kiss you again, as if he feared that those meters crossed in a rush made you change your mind...

It means it wasn't so important…

   The rain taps on the windows in a calming and refreshing sound, crashes down on the garden on the other side of the glass, flowers bending toward the ground. 

Liquid eyes laid upon the glassy surface, you carefully follow the slow meandering of the raindrops, blending in a myriad of shapeless, enchanting sketches that keep your mind busy. You don't want to think about what's happening here, right now. You want to shut your brain off, plummet in a deep sleep and wake up when everything will be over.

In this way, maybe, the sense of guilt gnawing at your heart will be gentler to you…

The wet fabric of your shorts suddenly glues to your skin in a slow descent, you bend your legs in an instinctive movement to peel the garment off with much more ease; there's a light thud when they fall on the ground, as you dig your sole into the mattress, eyes still fixed on the window.

Lips rest beneath your breast, draw the soft bow in a caress that makes goosebump rise along your arms. Fingers gently trace the long stretch of your leg, linger on the soft portion of skin close to your groin, where the elastic of your slip draws a barrier made of lace. The pointer sneaks inside the garment without hesitation, runs back and forth slowly, flickering from your pube to your wet folds in an imperceptible touch that has your walls contracting against nothing. 

Your heart jolts a little, sinking you back down to the reality you've desperately tried to avoid up to now: your back is sinking in the softness of the mattress; sheets are wet and crumbled under your weight and cold on the empty portion beside your own… and Jungkook is above you, meticulously exploring every inch of your exposed body with his mouth. 

Your eyes dart immediately to his figure but from that position, the only thing you can see is the top of his head -a skein of damp, mint and black hair that felt smooth under your fingers when you clung at it, as soon as he slammed the door of his bedroom behind his shoulders, minutes and minutes and minutes ago…

Your bare breast raises up and down heavily and slowly, your heart smashes against your ribs at every smack sound in a desperate attempt to set itself free. Your turgid nipples are shining wet for the kisses he planted there, pulsing and redder for the ghost of his fingers twisting those little, flashy cushions.

Jungkook's roaming ends upon the area close to your belly button, your stomach flattening down at every peck that leaves a wet print on your skin. He inches away in the slightest to catch a small breath, zones out as he admires the ruby marks he scattered throughout your body, before going back to placing feather-like touches on your tummy.

A thunder crashing through the silence distracts you for a second, and you're almost tempted to shove him away and put an end to this… mess . Almost. Like a force was pulling you from the inside, your trembling hand shifts from the crumbled sheets to his hair, still damp for the rain that caught you on your way back home. 

Jungkook raises his head up in a rush for the grazing movement of your nails on his scalp, eyes round and big like an animal who just heard a noise. A glint of panic streams in his brown irises, but it's so fleeting you think it's a figment of your (scared) imagination. Still with his stare engulfed into your own, his parted lips slide down to meet the elastic of your panties; still with his intense stare locked into your own, he runs the tip of his tongue upon the lace. And your fingers rack through his hair, dividing the various locks from the roots, pulling them back to reveal his forehead… until your pointers slide down his temple and Jungkook stops torturing you, angling his head just right for him to meet your palm. Like a cat indulging into cuddles, he meekly follows your stroke, moving his head to not lose contact with your touch, and delivers you a small (adorable) pout when you graze the soft area under his chin, fingers flickering away from him. 

Reluctantly, he puts himself into a stretched position, permitting you to admire the perfection of his bare torso. His pecs and abdominals are marked, well-defined lines grooved into the skin that stretch at the slightest flexion or movements. The black ink of his tattoos stands out even more on his honey-like skin, a good distraction from his dark nipples that have your fingers itching from touching them and feel their consistency under the tips. Enchanted by the (young) gorgeousness that crafts every inch of Jungkook, your stare finally glides down to his belly button, shakes for the thin hair that guides you to the waistband of his briefs -the only garment still on. 

Sitting on his own feet like a cushion, Jungkook notices that you're lingering your attention upon the lower part of his body, but he doesn't seem embarrassed by it. He slowly spreads his legs, giving you plenty of time to carefully take in the sight of his crotch, full and firm inside the fabric cotton.

You picture it inside of you, for a very brief moment. You picture him pulling it out and gently guiding it close to your wet entrance. You picture him gently guiding it inside your mouth, his delicious moans scraping the silence and that shield of composure that you're hardly keeping around yourself.

A small whining sound flies out from the back of your throat, legs now rubbing against one another to give some relief to the itchy sensation spreading from your covered center. Jungkook's stare trails down to your groin area, eyes shining bright for the vision that's taking shape for real . Through your lashes, you notice a little scrunch in his nose, like he was disappointed for being in idleness -while he should be the one to pump up your pleasure. 

Resolute, he grabs your panties and finally rolls it down your thighs. You lift yourself up enough to help him take it off, legs spreading shamelessly when he tosses the useless garment behind his back. You rest your fingers on your stomach, twiddle with them as you try to overcome the embarrassment of Jeon Jungkook gawking at your wet, exposed center. You let your hands slide down along your groin area in a mute plead to act and do something, because your walls are painfully contracting against nothing and you want him, you want him so fucking much. 

Jungkook pulls himself out of his own haze. Shakes his head a little and stretches toward you, comfortably resting between your legs. His arms twirl around your nape and head to sustain you as he catches you in an open-mouthed kiss, inhaling sharply through his nose when his half-chub dick presses against your wet folds. The friction against your clit is mild but nice, it has you bending your legs and waving your hips to feel him more, hands running to cling to his shoulder blades. 

His tongue slides languidly against yours, eager. You quietly moan into the kiss, fingers curling tightly around his back as his right hand trails down to your pube area; the proximity of his fingers makes you grind your center more frantically against his dick, and Jungkook breaks the kiss with a groan. 

He arches his back into your embrace, refraining himself from thrusting more erratically. "What do you want me to do?" He whines onto your mouth, brows snapping together as he squeezes his eyes shut. 

"Make me come…" you can only say above a whisper, clamping your teeth around his bottom lip, pulling it in the slightest.

Jungkook snorts a chuckle, his fingers cross the pube, graze your plump clit. "That's the plan…" he replies between pecks. "How? What do you want me - me to do, (Y/N)?" He slides his index and middle fingers down to your wet folds, caress them, back and forth. "Tell me what you like…" 

You arch your back when he places them at the very entrance, pulling in a little. "Don't know, don't care. Do as you prefer," you mumble, incoherently. 

Jungkook chuckles against your ear (it's such a beautiful sound, it torns your heart apart). "Oh, then… gotta a couple of ideas in mind…" he places a kiss on your earlobe, chewing on it as he finally pulls his fingers into you, inch by inch by inch by inch… his lips sketch your jawline, his fingers pull back and then forth again… and again… and again… until he pulls out. 

Nose scrunching in disappointment, you turn to look at him. Beyond the sparks floating in your eyes, you notice Jungkook shifting his fingers close to his face, they glisten with your juices. You can't really wrap your head around which his next move might be, especially for that lopsided grin he's giving you right now; but your heart spikes up when he curls his lips around them, without ripping his eyes off you.

You should be disgusted by his gesture, but for a very brief moment you feel young again… when sex was just sheer fun; a natural instict; nothing to be ashamed or repulsed about. And the fact is that you were having fun with Namjoon, too, but it was different…

Namjoon knew every little thing about you. Every sexual preference. It was easy to disclose your desires without feeling judged… 

Jungkook runs the tip of his tongue on his bottom lip, swallows thickly before placing a soft kiss on your mouth, slightly off-center. His lips skim down over your neck, a trail of wet pecks between your breasts, lingering on your tummy. He inches away with a smack sound before putting himself into a stretched position, pressing his palms on your knees to spread your legs more. Shifting on his spot, he situates himself between your legs, his warm breath fans your wet folds, it makes your walls clench in anticipation. 

A soundless moan tumbles off your parted lips when he places a kiss on your clit, the tip of his tongue flickering slowly on the plump button full of nerves. Jungkook pokes a finger on your center, recollects your juices before pulling it inside. 

A shiver crosses your spine, you squirm, your toes and fingers curl around the sheets. Beyond the liquid sparks floating in your eyes, you notice some Marvel action figures neatly aligned on the shelves; manga piled up in alphabetical order; a very few photographs that portray him or people you don't know. His clothes are carefully folded on a chair. 

You can breathe Jungkook's twenty three years and personality in every corner of his bedroom…

You sink into pleasure with that fleeting thought grazing your mind, before leaving you empty-headed. His lips curl in a sucking motion and you forget about everything. 

This ten years age gap, suddenly, doesn't seem so heavy anymore.

Jungkook inches away, a very thin string of juice and saliva keeps him close to you; he gives one last kiss to your wet folds before hovering over you, settling himself above you comfortably. You sink in his liquid eyes full of constellations, heavy breath escaping from your lips… and you don't care about your age. 

You just had an orgasm.

You're just a person who had an orgasm thanks to another person… 

"What?" You mumble, tracing his shoulder blades with your knuckles. 

Jungkook looks at you as if he had to tell you a million things. However, he hesitates, shaking his head a little while giving you a small, tired smile. You tilt your head a little to meet him half-way from the kiss he's about to give you, breaking the space between you two. He rests a hand on your hip, squeezes it lightly before twirling his arm around the small of your back. Applying a light pressure, he drags you toward him as he rolls on the mattress on his back, maneuvering you effortlessly, like you were boneless. 

You shift on your spot, sitting astride on his lap, hands resting on his shoulders. Jungkook places his palms on the small of your back, pulling you closer while his mouth curls around your cleavage, sliding up to trace the collarbone. You study his movements through your lashes, racking your brain frantically to elaborate your next step. 

Honestly, you're rusty when it comes to sex. Despite the few, occasional encounters you had after Namjoon, you never let those relationships go too further to actually reach such a peak point of your intimacy -so, you highly doubt you will skyrocket him on the Milky Way just like he did with you. But with Jungkook, everything happens naturally: it feels like your hands exactly know which spots to touch to make his breath run faster; they exactly know how much strength they should apply to steal a moan from the back of his throat; they exactly know where they should rest for his heart to beat frantically. 

Fingers curling around the hem of his briefs, you kiss his chin while rolling the garment down his hips. Jungkook inches away to observe your hands peeling off his slips, letting out a stuttered breath when the air finally grazes the tip of his dick, already slicked with precum. You'd like to cast a quick glance down and admire his pulsing length now exposed, but you've eyes only for him -for his front bunny-teeth clamping his bottom lip; for the stars scattered in his doe eyes; for the little, imperceptible blemishes sprinkled all over his young skin; for the curls of hair sticking against his sweaty forehead. 

In a rush, he uses his own feet to help you take his briefs off, comfortably resting against the pillows in anticipation of whatever you're going to do to him. It's only at this very moment, with his legs spread wide, that you take in the sight of him, twitching against his abdomen, smeared on the head. 

Hesitantly, your fingers flicker toward the tip. The pads gently rest on it, move in circular motions that have him stretching his legs and curling his toes and clenching his fists around the sheets. Your middle and pointer slide down the rough length, and you go back to scrutinizing his face to understand if you're doing ok or if you should change pace or movement.

Jungkook seems to enjoy it, though. He's sucking his bottom lip in so hard that you can now fully see the tiny mole laying underneath it, jaw clenched and eyes squeezed shut. You'd expect him to guide you in the slow growth of his pleasure -to vocalize exactly what he wants and prefers. But Jungkook stays quiet, patiently waits, squirms under your touch…

And this vision shuts your brain off.

Absent-mindedly, you rest your hands under his knees and gently pull him closer to slide along the mattress as you move backward in the process, sitting comfortably between his legs. Without ripping your stare off him, you lean forward and close the millimetric gap, curling your lips around the head. Jungkook flinches for the sudden touch, the muscles in his thighs and abdomen and arms flex. The tip of your tongue flickers around the saltry area, gently tap against the frenulum. 

You shift one of your hands on the base of his cock, gripping tight around it and pulling up and down at a rhythmic pace, while the other fingers run to cup his balls, massaging them. 

You don't rush, you take your time. You enjoy his throaty moans, his little comments tumbling off between sips of breath, his tattooed hand on top of your head. You focus all your attention on the tip, without fully taking him with your mouth -you want to torure him a little, gasping in those few minutes that separate him from the peak of pleasure. 

Jungkook comes with a small moan and heavy breath pumped out his lungs, thick liquid spills from the tip down his dick, smearing your fingers still around it. Your tongue still flickers under the head, catching drops of cum. 

You aren't disgusted by the mess you've made -you're actually pretty excited about Jungkook reduced into a mass of panting and muscles flexing under his skin. You swallow till the last drop you can catch before inching away, casting a glance upon your stained fingers. You reach out to the nightstand to grab a napkin and clean your hand; but before you could take care of him too, Jungkook grabs you by the waist and maneuvers you toward him, making you use his body like a mattress. 

"God, this was—you… " he swallows thickly, brushing a knuckle over your chin to get rid of a stain of cum. He lets out a soft chuckle between pants of breath, gravitating toward your mouth. “I'm so happy - happy. I've waited for this moment for so long, (Y/N),” he mumbles, his hands brushing along your sides.

His words hit your brain like a bucket of icy water. 

Namjoon waited for you for so long, too. His lips were quivering for the cold, the rough fabric of his scarf was tingling your chin. It was your first kiss, in winter… 

Namjoon…  

Namjoon waited for so long to give you a small kiss on your lips… Jungkook waited for so long to have your lips wrapped around hidick…

Namjoon, today...

Jungkook said that people like you are sad. He talked about traveling around the world and feeling trapped in a city. Jungkook confessed that he masturbated thinking about you, many times… while Namjoon—!

The area around your eyes, now wide and crossed by a glint of terror, swells up. 

Holy shit, Namjoon …

Naked, cocooned in Jungkook's warm embrace, you suddenly remember what is the thing that's bugging you for the whole day, but that you couldn’t grasp. 

Today is your anniversary… it's your fucking anniversary and you completely forgot about it.

You should be doing the usual things you do to celebrate it as if Namjoon was still by your side on this special occasion; and instead, you're spending your day with a twenty three-year-old boy you know very little about, giving head to him, letting him come into your mouth. 

Holy fucking shit… what were you thinking?

Your breath is heavy, tears prickle at the corner of your eyes. 

How could you forget about something so extremely important?

Jungkook is… he’s ten years younger than you. He’s a little bit older than the students Namjoon used to teach to. He… he should be spending his summer with someone his age -not with a woman in her thirties who still feels something deep for a man who isn't here anymore. And what's even worse, you completely disregard an event that Namjoon would have celebrated as if it was the first time…

You… you can't do it. You can't hurt Jungkook like this… you can't hurt Namjoon's memory like this…

This thought is enough to make you come back to your senses.

You wriggle out of his embrace in a rush (Jungkook's smile fades like watercolors on a paper), as if you were disgusted by his presence. You jump down the bed, desperately searching for your clothes. You spot the slip close to the chair, above his shirt and trousers; you wear them with a quick gesture, taking a look around to pinpoint the other garments. 

Jungkook stays still, observes your movements with a vague stare. Then, his voice, low (so low it shatters your heart in pieces). “(Y/N), what happened?" 

“Nothing, I just remembered something important—” you recollect your shirt -you're so wrapped in your anxiety to wear it backward. "Sorry, I gotta go—"

“(Y/N)...” he calls you softly, the sweetness dripping from your name paralyzes every fiber of your being. 

Tightening your shorts, you gaze over your shoulder. Jungkook is there, sitting on his spot, his limp dick resting along his thigh and shining wet in the dim-lit room. 

He delivers you a small, encouraging smile. "Stay, mh?"

“I’ve to go,” you repeat, averting his broken stare before wearing that last piece of garment and dashing outside his bedroom. “See you soon.”

  “Casually, To see just your shadow, I passed through your house’s gate several times.”

  A week passed, and still you can feel Jungkook's taste in your mouth.

You know this is just a joke of your dirty subconscious to pinch your sense of guilt, which sprouted in the abyss of your chest in the exact instant you decided to cut ties with the boy forever. 

(For the first two days, Jungkook came to visit you every morning -during breakfast; launch; dinner. His: " (Y/N), it's me, Jungkook. Can we talk? Please?" sounded so weak and small behind your shut door that you felt your heart drop into the pit of your stomach for the guilt. The last time, he wished you goodnight with the same soft voice he used to ask you to stay, after sex. You didn't open…)

The sudden sound of an uncorked bottle snaps you back down to reality. A muscle twitches in your neck when you turn, shifting your stare from the window of Min's restaurant to the counter, catching Jin in the act of pouring some red wine into a pair of steam glasses.

You arch your brow, noticing the burgundy liquid reaching almost the edge. "We're both going to drink from this one, aren't we?" 

"Enjoy it, my sweet (Y/N). It seems we both need it," he comments, eyes crinkling in the corner. He taps lightly the glass against your own, some drops spill on the wooden surface of the counter. 

You clean them with your apron. "You more than me, it seems…" you smirk, watching him gulp down a long sip. "What happened?"

His lips twitch. "Eunwoo dumped me."

"I'm surprised…" you let out a chuckle when he tosses the bottle cork at you, only to dart him an apologetic look soon after. You aren't at all surprised about this revelation: Eunwoo lives in Daegu, moved to a city nearby your village to study and accidentally arrived in your town with a couple of friends when they got lost during a little trip. She hit on him the second he politely welcomed her into the restaurant, and he gladly indulged in her sweet disposition toward him -but it was just a matter of time, considering that Jin keeps calling her "a fling". 

You can't tell much about her as a person, since you rarely met her; but she looked like a nice girl…

"That's a pity. I liked Eunwoo a lot, she was funny." You run your finger along the glassy surface, resting your chin on your palm. "She's always been more into you, though." You wait for a follow up that doesn't come, so you add, "why did she dump you?"

He shrugs. "She found out I still use Tinder—oh, stop laughing, (Y/N)." He puffs his cheeks, offended by your behavior. "I said from the beginning that I didn't want anything serious. She accepts, then she gets angry at me because I don't want anything serious…" he curls his lips, putting a towel upon his shoulder. 

"She liked you a lot, Seokjinnie." You let out a sigh, twiddling with the cork. "I would have accepted it too, if Joonie proposed something similar. You know, only to spend five minutes with him—"

"And make him change his mind, aha," he completes for you, letting out his windshield laughter when you roll your eyes. "Why do you always have this thing? As if you could change a man's behaviour through sex…" he takes a sip of wine, grimacing. "Anyway, it's not the end of the world. I'm a bit with my head in the clouds, and I wasn't in the mood for quickies or friends-with-benefits affairs in the long run."

Your heart flickers in your throat for his last comment.

Seokjin talks and you try to pay your utmost attention to the conversation, although your mind keeps drifting away and crawling back to a boy with big doe eyes…

(The other two days, Jungkook spent his evenings on the steps of his house in the attempt to casually meet you, throwing a ball to let Bam play. Yoongi saw him from his balcony and told you that he looked like a sad child who waited for his mother to come back home after a long, hectic day. He asked you if something bad happened between you two, but you brushed it off as if Jungkook was just a grain of dust.)

"Let's talk about important things…" Seokjin places a plate of Japchae in front of you, the good smell of fried vegetables and soy sauce pinches your nostrils and makes your mouth run dry. "How are things going with the new boy?" A malicious smile etches itself on his face as he crosses his arms on the counter, studying the ruby shade now tinging your cheekbones. "Mom told me everything ."

You swallow. "Everything… what?"

He spares you a glance before turning, going back to the burner to prepare a new plate for himself. "Innocent things. That you're spending a lot of time together… you go hiking, or take out your dogs almost every morning. He comes to your place for lunch, you go to his home for dinner…" he grabs his plate, taking a mouthful of mushrooms and noodles. "How are things going?" 

(The remaining days, Jungkook traveled those few meters that separate your houses, but never reached the front door. He curled his fists around the hem of his shirt before going back, hunched shoulders and fast pace. From that day, he stopped searching for you.)

You fix your liquid eyes on the dish. "How should they go? We don't do anything."

"A bird told me you went together to the festival."

"Which bird? Your mother?"

"And Yoongi-chi. And half of the village. Well, ok, many birds." He gazes over you to scrutinize your annoyed expression. "You know there's nothing wrong, mh? People here love babbling about everyone, but nobody would ever blame you for moving on." His voice is serious, matches with the somber stare he's now delivering you. 

"I know… but there's nothing to talk about, really." A shiver runs down your spine as the ghost of Jungkook's kisses touches your belly. "He was, you know, the news . He was bored, I was curious…" There's still Jungkook's taste in your mouth. There's still his broken stare haunting you from the moment you crack your eyes open in the morning to the last you close them at night. "It can't work…"

Seokjin pauses. "Work… it means you two were doing something ."

You look at him goggle-eyed, mentally cursing at yourself for not calibrating your words properly. "No. I mean… our worlds are too different. And he's twenty three, why should he spend his time with me?"

"Uh! A boytoy!" He grins, too excited (you facepalm. You hope he won't tell Yoongi, he'd never let you live from now on). "And, don't think he gives any damn about your age… I bet he's pretty interested in you. You know that he kept staring at you, tonight? I mean, he always stares at you, but today… It seemed different. Like… as if he was waiting for you to go and talk to him." He takes a grab of carrots. "What did you do to him? He was such a gray cloud, poor thing..." 

You swallow, there's still his taste in your mouth. You left him all naked on his bed after sucking him off. He searched for you for almost a week, and you ignored him. You avoided him.

You're cutting him out of your life, after letting him walk in… 

"(Y/N)..." Seokjin calls you, carefully, worried about your vague expression. "Whatever happened, or whatever is happening, you're doing anything wrong." He gives a small, reassuring smile that has your heart lurching and copiously bleeding in your chest. 

You take a long sip of wine to help you swallow the noodles. "I don't know. I'm not used to it anymore. You know, dating someone—like, it's not like we were dating, of course..." You chew on your bottom lip, unsure. "And even if I'd want to, Joonie—"

"Namjoon won't be back." Seokjin's voice is firm, but not harsh. His shoulders hunch over, as if he couldn't bear the weight of his own words. "What happened to him… it's not your fault, (Y/N). You've all the rights to start a new life. He'd be pretty disappointed to know that you're wasting your time, losing all the good and nice that life is still giving you."

The area around your eyes swells up, you clamp your teeth to your bottom lip to keep tears at bay. He's right: Namjoon would be disappointed if he could see you right now. Acting cowardly. Running away from the first sprout of affection. Clinging to him like life doesn't make sense anymore just because he isn't here with you…

Namjoon would hate you for turning into a woman you don't like. And, as much as you're hyper conscious of it, you can't do anything to get over the sorrow that prevents you from moving on…

"I know..." You can only whisper, diverting your stare.

"Which means that you can suck the new boy's dick without problems." There's a playful note in his tweet, but his eyes grow bigger, seeing you fumble for words. "Omg, you—you really did—"

"You, instead," you interrupt, shaking away the picture of your lips curled around Jungkook's tip now flashing in the back of your eyelids. "Your mother is pretty down in the dumps, lately. She almost bursted out crying this morning. What did you do to her?" 

A thick silence settles between you two, unable to stop looking at each other. The first to break eye contact is Seokjin, voice low and mouth opening in a small smile. "I'm leaving." His brown irises shine bright, in a way you've never seen before -like he was madly, deeply in love with something. "At the end of August I'll move to Incheon. I'll be the second chef in Mr Kwon's restaurant. It's pretty famous over there." He puts his empty dish away, grabbing the wine instead. "It's not a model career, but it's what I love doing." He ruffles his hair, hiding his liquid eyes from you. "Mom is quite sad that I'm going away out of the blue. But it's been months I've been thinking about it, and it's for the best."

"Incheon… It's far away," you mumble, suddenly feeling alone in this small village. 

"It's only four hours, and I'll often come back. You won't even notice my absence."

You give him a small smile that doesn't reach your eyes. Seokjin leaving will generate an immense abyss in your lives. "How did Yoongi take it?"

Seokjin's expression changes. It gets sadder. More nostalgic. They grew up together since they were little children, it must be hard to leave him behind. 

"He's the first I told the good news. He told me: congratulations, it was about time you get the fuck out." He chuckles, resting his chin on his palm. "And then he came up with an excuse and went away. He probably had to cry." Bitterness draws his lips in a crescent. "But he's doing fine. He's already making me a playlist to listen to during the drive."

"You're leaving…" you repeat, slowly, as if you had to still process this information. "This place won't be the same without you."

"I know!" He says, playfully. "But staying here… it smothers me. You know, I often think of Namjoon and when I do, I think about the million things I never did out of fear, or to not disappoint my mother, or to not abandon my friends." The glass in his hand shakes a little (your heart does, too). "I want to leave this place and live my life before it's too late. Like, shit, I can't stop thinking that destiny always plays some dirty tricks and—" words wither in a curse when he notices your feeble smile. "I'm sorry, (Y/N). I'm an idiot…"

"Don't worry. He is the first to tell you that you should've left this place a long time ago." You gasp once, your chest hurts. "You're doing the right thing. I know you love cooking, that it's the thing that makes you truly happy… but I'll miss you."

"I know. I'd miss myself too." He drums his fingers on the counter. Then, he brushes past it to approach you. Tears prickle in your eyes when you stand up, hugging him tight. He inhales sharply through his nose. "Can I leave you alone, mh? It's all good, right?" You nod, clinging more at his shoulders. " Alone ... I almost forgot you've a boytoy now."

You chuckle, inching away. You rub your eyes to get rid of the liquid sadness that's tugging at your lashes. 

Seokjin plops down on the seat beside you, smirking. "So… how's his dick?"

"What's the point? We know yours is more beautiful anyway."

Jin laughs brightly and you enjoy every bit of it. You sit back down, observing his wet eyes crinkling in the corners, the vibrant flush spreading along his face, his shoulders shaking convulsively while tears roll down his cheeks…

You'll miss this wonderful sound (this wonderful him) with every fiber of your being.

  You fold your arms around your waist, teeth clamping at your bottom lip as you keep your eyes fixed to the tip of your gym shoes. The humidity of this hot summer night sticks to your skin, but shivers travel down your spine as if you were in the middle of a cold, harsh winter. You catch a breath and slowly pin your stare in front of you, swallowing thickly.

Jungkook's house never looked so scary.

You know it's late, in every possible sense. But the conversation with Seokjin, his subtle reprimand, and his sudden departure accompanied every step you took from the restaurant to your home, impending you to actually go inside and call it a night.

Seokjin made you want to see Jungkook one last time…

With your sense of guilt gnawing at the surface of your tortured heart, with a shame that roots from your behaviour in the past days, you slowly approach the entrance. You chew on your bottom lip while pushing the doorbell, scraping the silence coming from inside. You hear Bam bark, then footsteps thumbing on the ground. The clack of the door makes your muscles tense up all at once and your heart squeals and runs to search for a place to hide…

"Bam, be quiet—oh…" 

… Only to melt in a pulpy mess when Jungkook appears on the other side of the door, washed by astonishment.

You feel awful…

Showing up here after a week only because your best friend is leaving this place for good (who subtly reminded you that you’re wasting your days, and that you’re disappointing Namjoon for your behavior) is a shitty move. You're a fucking egoist, the worst. Using Jungkook's presence to cope with your emptiness, using someone who doesn’t know shit about your past only to feel something again… God, you’re a fucking bitch.

Jungkook should slam the door against your nose. But he doesn't.

You move a foot backward, though. 

He straightens himself when he catches your movement, pulling himself out of his own daze. “HiNoona…"

And this makes you stop. 

Everything inside of you, and outside of your own small bubble, stops. 

Noona… . he wasn't calling you like this in a little while. Not with such a serious tone, at least. Panic suddenly cripples up your heart, you feel weak in your knees at the thought (the certainty?) that he'll chase you out. 

“Hi…" You manage to say, feebly. Your stare shakes before his big eyes, it drops on his baggy t-shirt long enough to cover his pyjamas-boxers. His casual clothing, accentuated by some spots of paint scattered across his garments, screams that he was probably minding his own business and you're interrupting him. "Sorry for bumping in here so late—" words fade into a small chuckle when Bam jumps around you, excited by your presence. "Hey, you..." you crouch down, cupping his muzzle. You take advantage of this sudden moment of distraction to recollect all the words you've memorized in your mind during your walk; but they flee from you, leaving you speechless. You take a glimpse of Jungkook's slippers, sighing. "Sorry… didn't mean to bother you."

Jungkook of a few weeks ago would have smiled and told you that you aren't a bother, that he's happy to have you here.

Today, Jungkook doesn't smile. He shrugs and says, "I was painting. I couldn't sleep… But you're a bit late, blowjobs-hour has finished at 12:05 PM. You should come back tomorrow."

Your eyes grow bigger as you pin them upon his face, cheeks flushed for his brazen comment. 

12:05 PM. The hour when you left him…

You carefully sketch the light frown between his knitted brows with your eyes only; the stiffening in his jawline; the glint of disappointment in his somber gaze… it's the first time Jungkook displays an emotion akin to annoyance since you've met, and you feel awful from making him reach such limit. Throughout the past months, he's always been so quiet and gentle that more than once you've wondered if he's ever been crossed by intense feelings such as rage and resentment. 

It makes you realize that you don't know anything about him…

You chew on your bottom lip, lowering your stare. You could apologize, but it would be pointless. You hear some movement sounds coming from his direction, which makes you think that he's about to go back inside; but there's no clack of door, nor goodbyes. 

He rests against the doorframe. "Why did you disappear?" He asks, firm. "Is it - is it because I’m younger? I don’t care about age, I – I’m used to it." He nods to emphasize his comment. "I'm used to dating older women, it's ok. It's really ok to me.”

You try to ignore the sudden pang in your stomach, wondering how many women he slept with. It's not your business. 

“It’s also about that.” You mumble, focusing your attention on Bam, unable to look at him. Jungkook isn't dumb, he knows that something else is stopping you from enjoying his company. But it's easier to focus on this visible issue, rather than facing the enormous luggage of ghosts you're carrying with yourself. “You’re twenty three.”

He grunts. “I know. And you’re thirty three. Ten years aren’t that much.”

“They are.”

“No, they aren’t.” He stamps a foot on the ground, like an angry bunny would do. You munch the corner of your mouth to refrain yourself from smiling. “You don’t treat me like a boy… I like it.” He swallows, as if he was pushing back other heavy words. 

And he doesn't treat you like a thirty three-year-old. 

Jungkook never made a fuss about the age gap between the pair of you. He treated you as an equal, he never made you feel uncomfortable about time notching your body and character as a natural phase of life.

Time, with Jungkook, it's really a senseless concept…

He exhales one of those little mouth-sounds he makes when he's trying to gather his thoughts. "(Y/N)... I'm young, but not so naive to think that a blowjob is some kind of wedding proposal." 

"Do you really think that's the problem?" You now dart at him a furious look, offended by his comment. 

Jungkook pouts, his hand now running to the opposite elbow to caress it. "Is it for your husband? Did he come - come back?" 

"No, he…" words fade in a squelched moan. You swallow the lump in your throat. "He won't be back, don't worry."

He exhales sharply through his nose, frustrated. "Then, why?" He pinches at his arm. "Are the people here the problem? You know I don't care what they say, I—" his words trail off mid-sentence, lips stretching in a thin line. "But you do."

Of course, you do. 

You live here. Jungkook will go away at the end of August, but you'll stay here -with your memories and sorrow and rumours whispered behind your back. And you'll be completely alone to face all of this. He'll leave you and you'll become a bracket he'll briefly recount to his new lover -or probably he won't even mention you. 

But there's more, in between all of this.

There's so much more that's preventing you from taking a leap of faith toward him…

"It's not only about that.” You sigh, lowering your head. "Listen, I'm sorry. I - I shouldn't have run away, and I shouldn't have disappeared. And I know you're mad at me and you don't want to see me anymore, I deserve it. But I—"

"I want to see you," he interrupts, softly. "I wanted to see you. I still want to see you…" He brushes his thumb on his middle finger to scratch away some paint, the little smiley-emoji tattoo stretches along his skin. "This week was awful… like, you know, when something is missing and you can't enjoy anything…" he casts an embarrassed glance upon you. “Did – didn’t you like it?”

A shiver runs down your spine. God, you loved it so fucking much. And you feel so guilty for putting him in the position of doubting himself…

“It’s not that. You were great.” 

Jungkook straightens himself, there's a proud set in his shoulders and his chest swells up so much you can take sight of his tensed pecs adhering to the shirt. And yet, the expression of seriousness and disappointment is still there, hanging between his features. 

The area around your eyes swells up, but you push back tears. You aren't in the right position to burst out crying. You stand up, giving one last stroke to Bam, who's now running back to Jungkook.

You tuck some hair behind your ear. "Well—"

"I was about to watch some horrible Netflix series until I fell asleep, eating pop-corns and drinking beers between meals. You know, something very twenty three-year-old- ish ." He lets out a giggle, cheekbones red and stare softening each passing second. “Are you in?”

You hesitate, feeling something warm blazing in your chest. A part of you is deadly scared that this is just a way for him to take his revenge -you know, have a good shag with you one last time before ghosting you (after all, you know very little of his personality); but another part of you is deadly scared that refusing his proposal will be the coup-the-grace to your scarred relationship .

Hesitantly, you break the few steps between you two. You keep your stare low, unable to hold his own. You're about to walk inside when Jungkook situates himself across from you and the doorframe, impeding you to proceed further. 

He leans forward, inhaling sharply through his nose when the tip brushes against your hair. “You won’t go away, will you?” his question is a barely whispered hush that makes you want to hold him tight and cry. “You… whatever happens, you won’t leave me like you did last time, will you? It - it hurt… ” he rests a hand upon his chest, where his heart lays. You curl your fingers into fists from refraining yourself from taking it and squeezing it and kissing it. "Don’t leave, (Y/N)...”

Tears prickle at the corners of your eyes as you study his face, so close that his warm breath caresses your chin. Without ripping your stare from his own, you grab a sleeve of his shirt, brushing your thumb and pointer on it. You rest your forehead on his shoulder. 

You don't promise, but Jungkook lets you in anyway. 

  When you crack your eyes open, your cheek rests on Jungkook's chest. It raises up and down slowly, regularly, only to lift up for a little longer when he lets out his adorable chuckle or when he talks to himself out loud to comment on the sit-com rolling on his laptop. Still in a haze, you press your ear against his chest to listen better to his beating heart, a tum tum tum sound that reverberates through every inch of you and makes you curl more against him. 

"Hey…" he mumbles, noticing that you're now awake. He shifts on his spot, keeping an arm around your shoulder to not let you wriggle away. "You fell asleep almost immediately… you were pretty tired, mh?" He brushes his thumb on the area close to your mouth, giving a small peck on the tip of your nose. 

"A bit…" you manage to say, quietly, sinking in his eyes full of constellations. 

Jungkook caresses your face with his stare only, lingering on your lips. “You stay, mh?” His voice is low, a gentle brush multifaceted with fear and expectation and sweetness that punches the breath out of you. 

When you give him an imperceptible nod, Jungkook cages you into his arms to kiss you, and you accept him without holding back. You let yourself go in the slow kiss he's pulling you in, your hands clinging to his shoulder blades as he rolls your positions to hover over you. 

It's a silent way to tell him that you won’t leave, this time.

And you don’t.

"I love you as certain dark things are to be loved. In secret. Between the shadow and the soul."

  Months and seasons felt all the same since Namjoon's been gone, like time lost every sense; and yet, since you've given in to the attraction you feel for Jungkook, you've started to count days again. 

You count the seconds spent to sink in his liquid doe eyes when he stares at you, before leaning down to plant a kiss upon your lips; you count the seconds your fingers spend to wander upon his arms, tracing the bluish veins branching from the back of his hands along his honey-like skin; you count the seconds spent to listen to the meaning behind every single tattoo scattered on his body, when you question about them. You count the minutes for his breath to go back to normal, after the orgasm; you count the minutes his fingers spend in your hair, twiddling with the locks, drawing patterns and doodles on the top of your head. You count the hours made of whispered talk in the darkness of his bedroom, or in the chill breeze of your garden. 

Time makes sense again. 

Time is Jungkook's voice; his laugh; his glossy eyes; his body above your own; his warm skin against yours. Time is Jungkook's sadness when he mentions his parents. Time is Jungkook's long and deep silences when he thinks about college and the oblivion ahead of him. Time is Jungkook's excitement when he talks about his tattoos or his friends or his upcoming trip to Jeju, once this holiday will be over. 

Time is a small opening of barely a few months, and you breathe in every millisecond of it to remind yourself that all this messy tangle of orgasms and confessions and gentle touches will be over soon. 

Sat around a table of Min's restaurant, you look outside the window, observing the few persons strolling beyond the glassy surface -mainly tourists, considering you can't recognise their faces. The playful chat of your friends, having dinner with you now that you've all finished your shift, is a muffled sound that hits against the barrier of memories whirling fast in your mind…

"You can't fuck off clients, Yoongi-chi." Seokjin's voice is playful, but notched with a note of complaint. "Thank God your mother's the boss. You'd be on your ass by now…"

(Day 1, Jungkook fucked you on his sofa. His hands under your knees to keep your legs up; your breast glistening wet for the kisses he scattered over there. The smacking sound of his hips colliding against yours; your hands curled around nothing for the pleasure brewing in your groin. His throaty moans; your soundless moans. His orgasm shaped like stuttered breaths, eyes squeezing shut, teeth clamping at his bottom lip . You felt his thick, warm liquid against your walls, it made you come too…)

Yoongi snaps his tongue. "That dude deserved it. Making fun of my blue hair, tsk." He pours some beer in his glass, poking his tongue on his cheek.

(Day 2, Jungkook kissed you under the old tree close to the mountain trails. You were sitting on his lap, his hand on your cheek to keep your head firm into position as his tongue languidly grazed yours. He whispered in your ear that he'd like to fuck you here, in this precise instant, his low voice sent shivers down your spine. Once back to your home, you sucked him off in the small hall before you could reach the sofa…)

Seokjin gapes at him. " He's five years old, for God's sake!" 

"Better educate him now!"

(Day 5, Jungkook fucked you on the couch, still wearing your clothes on. His trousers down his calves, the sleeves of your dress along your arms. You moved slowly on top of him, gyrating your hips to feel him more, his hands gripping at your waist to guide the pace. Strawberry in his breath, lemonade on your tongue. Red spots on his neck, kisses prints shining wet on your exposed cleavage. The light coming from his laptop bathed your figures in a bluish hue that created shapeless doodles on the pleasure molding his face. Between moans, he whispered that he imagined you two like this the very first time you talked to him at the park. Before being washed by the orgasm, he admitted he jerked off in the shower, thinking of you…)

You shift on your spot, legs squeezing tight for the sudden warmth spreading along your folds. Unable to control the fantasies unfolding in the back of your eyelids, you rest your chin on your fist, face flushed and legs shaking.

It's incredible how Jungkook is pretty honest when it comes to sex: there's firmness in his voice when he admits that you're always on his mind when he touches himself; there's yearning in his words when he vocalizes his desires while you're fucking -the resoluteness in telling you what he wants you to do to him, what he likes. 

You should feel your heart sink upon the realization that Jungkook is using you only to fill his time and take care of his libido; but… now that you think of it, it's probably for the best that he makes sure to remark that you two are meant for being a summer fling so shamelessly. It's a good way to remind yourself that you're just orgasms and sex, swiping away every silly hope—!

"You are—(Y/N), say something!" Seokjin slaps his hands on his thighs, recalling your attention. 

You straighten yourself, staring at him with a vague stare. You blink twice, racking your brain frantically to understand why he's now talking to you, and what you should actually reply to. However, no matter how hard you put your thinking cap on, you don't have a clue of the crux of their conversation. 

You take a sip of your beer, aware that they won't let you breathe for your lack of participation. "What?" 

Jin doesn't seem annoyed by your behavior. Actually, he grins widely. "Someone here is distracted." His eyes crinkle in the corner in a malicious way that has your cheekbones reddening. "Don't worry, we know what's filling your thoughts. Or better, who ."

Yoongi swallows a slice of steamed pork, eyes pinned to the various side dishes. "Muscled, doe-eyed, with piercings and tattoos. And I bet he's got a pretty enchanting—"

"Ugh, Yoongi-chi, I'm eating!" Seokjin twitches his mouth, the piece of lettuce slips from his chopsticks and falls on his rice bowl. 

" Heart . I was about to say: heart!"

You let out a soft chuckle, grateful that Yoongi redirected the discussion on a more lighthearted note. 

Nevertheless, Jin isn't intent to let this sink. "So? What were you thinking?"

"Nothing…" you blow out, diverting your stare. 

(Day 8, Jungkook fucked you in the shower. He asked you to follow him after a long afternoon spent hiking and chasing after your dogs -his hair pulled back with a hairband, drops of sweat glistening like tiny diamonds on his honey-like skin. He pulled into you slowly, contemplating your arched spine with parted lips and a glint of excitement in his eyes. His hands gripped hard at your hips to guide you in the rhythm of his thrusts. Between moans and curls of breaths he said your back is beautiful, that he'd love to draw something on it. Between moans and soundless orgasms, he sprinkled your shoulders with kisses, twirling his arms around your middle. Jungkook didn't pull away after coming. He stayed there like this, into you, for a very long, long, long time. For the first time, his fingers intertwined with your own…)

"What?" You ask, feeling their stares boring through your skin like they were trying to open your skull and catch your train of thoughts. 

"Nothing. We are just very, very, very disappointed that you aren't telling your best friends anything about your boytoy." Seokjin claims, pouty. 

You scrunch your nose, nibbling at a slice of seafood pancake. "Ugh, stop calling him like this. You're making me feel like a cougar." You refrain yourself from hitting Seokjin's knee under the table when he admits he'd love to turn into a sugar-daddy someday in the future. "And we don't do anything special, there's nothing to recount."

(Day 11, Jungkook laughed brightly into your ear while laying on his bed, sheets crumpled and rolled at your feet, his naked body bathed of a feeble sunlight seeping through the mist that the rain left behind. He was resting on his tummy, legs swinging back and forth in a childish mannerism as he looked at you through his lashes, admiring the bits of hair scattered along the pillow and your face. His hand on your bare stomach, your fingers dancing along his tattooed arm. You sketched the contours of the inked microphone and he confessed he took it because he used to play in a band when he was in high school -he wanted to become a great rockstar, someone who stays on a stage and sees an ocean of fans singing his own songs. With sadness tugging at the corners of his mouth, he said he stopped singing since he's dropped out of college. With a sheepish smile on his face, he said that he sings a lot more lately when he does his little daily things like cooking or taking Bam out or drawing. With a shadow of sweetness weighing upon his lids, he said that he started doing it again since you've welcomed him into your life. You drank his honest words with a gasp that stuck in your throat, like air was missing in your lungs…)

Yoongi pours some soju into his glass, arching a brow. "I don't know. The way he looked at you tonight doesn't seem nothing to me." A smirk etches itself across his face, flushed for the liters of alcohol he already gulped. "His face was bursting when you greeted him." 

"C'mon, you're exaggerating."

"'M not. Trust me, I could've cooked an egg on those cheeks." Seokjin leans better against his seat back, scrutinizing the skepticism dancing along your features. "You don't want to know how his eyes turned bright whenever you were bending over a table. Guess he's gotta a huge thing for your butt—"

"Did you already have your doggy-style moment?" Yoongi asks, shamelessly.

"Oh, geez, stop you two…" 

( Day 12, Jungkook's kisses are butterflies fluttering around your belly. Through your lashes, you studied the creases of your skirt rolled up to your tummy, heart thumping fast in your throat in the anticipation of his mouth resting on your warm center. Blood pumped up to your face for his hot breath on your wet folds, your walls contracted around nothing when he placed a kiss on your clit. And another. And another… The tip of his tongue flickering languidly on that plump button full of nerves made you squirm and moan, his fingers pulling into you at the pace of your breath made you see stars hanging on the ceiling. You came upon his mouth, back arching and brain shutting off for a couple of seconds that stretched to infinity. Despite the hard bulge caged in his briefs, Jungkook didn't want you to pay him back with a good blowjob. He just stared at you, eyes shining wet. For the first time, he told you that you're beautiful. For the first time in a very long while, you didn't run away from someone who tells you that you're beautiful..)

"So?"

Yoongi fills your mutism. "Mom says you're going out together."

You cast a glance upon the window. "We... We aren't going out together. Not in the way you or your mother thinks."

(Day 14, you sucked Jungkook off in your kitchen. Soy sauce and ginger flavor floating in the air, the water boiling. He was leaning against the furniture, his trousers and boxers down to his calves, his hands grabbing hard around the hem of the t-shirt pulled up enough to reveal his sculpted stomach, muscles flexing at every surge of pleasure. Bluish veins were pulsing and branching along his arms as he hardly tried to not thrust into your mouth faster. He tilted his head back, gasping for air, and incoherently mumbled something about you giving amazing blowjobs. You let him come in your mouth…)

"Mom told me she sees you go out every morning around 9:00 AM, and you come back around noon. There's a pretty curious four hours gap there..." Seokjin analyzes. 

"We just take a walk around, or we take our dogs out for a walk." You let out a bored sigh, shaking your bottle to understand how much beer is left. "He's practically using me as a tourist guide, that's all." 

"My mom saw you leave his house at 5:00 AM once." Yoongi barges in, peacefully. 

"Oh, my—"

Seokjin frowns. "Why was your mother already awake at that hour?"

"She says menopause doesn't make her sleep, I don't know." Yoongi flaps a hand, setting his amused stare on your flushed face. "So? What were you doing there?"

(Day 19, Jungkook asked you to stay the night. A movie, the tea getting colder on his night table, whispered words on his pillow in the darkness of his bedroom. 

He recounted about his lovely odd best friend Taehyung, who seemed to be born in the wrong epoch; about his childhood friend Jimin, and the little quarrel they had for having a huge crush over the same classmate during elementary school; about the boundless affection he feels for them. His fingers danced along your palm, followed the natural creases notching your skin, curled around your own in a soft grasp he hasn't disentangled even once. You told him about Seokjin, who was the first to treat you and Namjoon like you weren't two strangers; about Yoongi, who used to spill every tiny doubt to Namjoon whenever he felt the world crumbling beneath his feet; about the brightness they shed into your life. You captured Namjoon's name in an open-mouthed kiss before he could question you about him. 

With goosebumps dancing along your bare skin, you engulfed Jungkook inch by inch, fucked him at your own pace. For the first time, Jungkook breathed out your name while coming into you. For the first time, Jungkook clung at you during your sleep and mumbled your name along your nape. For the very first time in a long while, you didn't run away from someone who hugs you in your sleep and says your name with so much fondness…)

"We watched a movie and I fell asleep. I went away as soon as I woke up," you say, vaguely, feeling your heart beating in every inch of you. 

"And you think we'll buy it?" Seokjin snaps his tongue. "C'mon, tell us something about him."

"I imagine you'll talk between a blowjob and another."

You dart an annoyed glance at Yoongi, Seokjin lets out his windshield laughter, capturing the attention of a group of girls not so far from your table. 

You rack your brain to search for the bare minimum and harmless information you can spill about Jungkook.

"He... He was born in Busan, and moved to Seoul to study but dropped out of university. His best friend told him he could use his grandparents' house until he understands what he wants to do with his life."

"Oh, the college-crisis, we all went through it at some point."

Seokjin scrunches his nose. "Speak to yourself. I never had problems." He turns to you -not before raising his glass of wine in the direction of the girls, making them giggle (you'd like to tell him that they've probably become adults a few days ago, but you aren't in the right position to talk). "And what was he studying?"

"Filmography. He loves editing videos and such." Sweetness shapes your mouth in a small smile that reaches your eyes. "He made me see some projects he made for his classes. He's talented…"

"Aw…" Seokjin chuckle sinks you back down to earth. "We've finally found the director for our first Yoongi's MV. Wait, how was your stage name back in high school? AugustD—"

"Fuck off! I don't accept jokes from someone who used to call himself worldwide-handsome for absolutely no reason!" Yoongi's voice raises two notches higher, his fingers running to scratch the back of his crimson ear. 

"What are you saying, sweetheart? I still call myself worldwide-handsome !"

(Day 23, Jungkook knocked at your door around 10:00 PM, unannounced. His eyes were red and puffy, traces of ghostly tears were gliding down his cheeks. Betweens sips of breath, he told you he had an argument with his parents on the phone because he doesn't know if he wants to go back to studying -he doesn't know what to do. They told him he's wasting his future, and you felt the area around your eyes swelling up while he tried to clean his face with the back of his hands. He asked if he could stay, and you let him in, heart falling into pieces at every soft sob tumbling off his mouth. You kept him close in a soft embrace while watching a movie, his ear resting on your chest. Wrapped in a cozy silence, you asked him if he wanted you to blow him; he said : no, maybe later, it's ok like this . 

The next morning, he hugged you from behind while you were watering Namjoon's bonsai. Jungkook inhaled sharply through his nose before sinking his face on your shoulder, blowing a soft: " Thank you, (Y/N). I feel a lot better." that punched the breath out of you.

For the first time after days made of orgasms and chase each other's pleasure, you didn't fuck…)

"And, did he choose what to do?" Yoongi stretches to grab a piece of lettuce, he uses it to wrap it around a slice of pork. 

You shake your head, sipping your beer. "He still doesn't know. He'd like to go back to studying. Other times, he'd like to pack his things and travel around the world. Some other times, he'd like to find a job and settle himself. He's a bit confused..."

Yoongi nods, swallowing. "I think it'd be a great stripper. Or a good porn actor. But, well, you're the only one who can judge this."

( Day 30, Jungkook confessed that his first time had been in fourth grade. She was a year older, she used to tutor him in math. She had a pair of brown eyes that glistened every time he looked at her, and a bright smile that made his stomach painfully twirl. She was the first kiss in an empty street after years upon years spent watching rom-com anime, wondering how it'd be; she was the first time in her bedroom when her parents were away for the weekend, the last album of IU rolling in her stereo, her thighs wrapped around his waist like a vise as he contemplated her moving upon him. They stayed together for a year, then she dumped him for a college student -a friend of her sister, apparently. 

Between giggles and sheepish smiles, he admitted that she broke his heart in a million, tiny pieces, because he was too much in deep with her. His fingers were curled around your own for the entire duration of his tale while you were strolling along the trail that leads to the river, throwing some stones and twigs to make Bam and Moon play. Gasping once, he said that he has never had many girlfriends; actually, he's too lazy even for embarking into friends-with- benefits affairs, because they require a good dose of strength and patience to not let your feelings grow. Sinking in your attentive stare, he said that he prefers staying on his own because he isn't cut for serious relationships; because he isn't good at taking care of another human being's needs. While he was taking off a leaf from your hair, he smiled sweetly, and told you that lately he thinks about his life in two.

Also that day, you didn't fuck…)

Seokjin's chuckle fades into Yoongi's curses, mumbled under his breath. "What did he say about Namjoon?" His smile trembles, flips off his face slowly before your persistent silence. "You told him about Namjoon, didn't you?"

You take a breath but it sticks in your throat. "Not… exactly."

Yoongi curses again, turning to you. "(Y/N), holy shit, c'mon… what the fuck are you waiting for?!"

( Day 35, Jungkook asked you what's behind the locked door close to the kitchen, observing Moonie laying in front of it every single second of his day, like he was desperately waiting for someone to get out of that room anytime soon. While you were folding some of your clothes, piled up beside his hoodie smelling of lemon, you told him that it's Namjoon's studio -full of all the things he left behind; of all the things you've hidden to feel his absence less. Abandoning the comic that was laying on his lap,  Jungkook neared you and kissed your left eyelid, your cheekbone, your mouth. Brushing some hair away from your face, he told you that your husband is an idiot for going away, leaving so many important things. You, above them all. Letting out a high-pitched giggle, he told you that he's ready to kick his ass when he'll be back for all the suffering he caused you. With your heart dropping in your stomach, you swallowed back the truth, hiding your face in the crook of his neck.

Also that day, you didn't fuck…)

Yoongi darts you a judging stare, brows snapping together. "You know that the longer you wait, the worse it will be." He pokes the tip of his tongue on his cheeks. "You'll break his heart." 

You lower your stare, picturing Jungkook's precious smile fading away from his face…

Seokjin curls his lips. "I'm not a saint, but starting a story based on lies isn't exactly a good thing…"

Your heart squeals when the picture of Namjoon suddenly appears in the back of your mind and blends with Jungkook's, who's filling your heart and mind little by little.

"(Y/N)—"

"Can - can we talk about something else?" You interrupt, massaging your temples. "Jin, tell us more about your new job."

"Honey, you know that I love being the center of attention… but I'm not going to monopolize the conversation with my amazing life in the big city until you tell us what's between you two."

"Ok, we sometimes fuck. Can we move on?"

"We already know you two fuck. Even my mother knows you fuck him," Yoongi barges in, still annoyed for your incapacity to talk about Namjoon openly. "We want the details." 

"Like, not those kinds of details. But, like, is he good? Do you like it?" 

"He's…" amazing . "Good."

Seokjin nods. "And so? What are you two exactly?"

( Day 36, Jungkook asked you to tell him about Namjoon. To recount exactly how you two met, who was the first to ask each other out; if it was love at first sight, if it took him a lot to sort out his feelings for you, if you always knew he was the right one. He asked you about his wedding proposal, about the wedding itself. Watermelon juice drooled on your chin as you watched him stroll in your garden, studying Bam busy chasing a butterfly. The warm summer breeze was twiddling with his hair, now long enough to be worn in a tiny half-tail; the expectation floating in his eyes was so intense to make the mild queasiness in your stomach brew. Capturing every tiny detail of him, you thought that something will surely miss when he won't be here anymore. Brushing away from your chin a rivulet of juice with his thumb, he asked you if you are still in love with Namjoon. You replied to every single question tumbled off his mouth, except for this one. This one was too much. Jungkook stopped questioning you about your past, aware he crossed the invisible line you had traced from the very beginning. Curling his fingers around the fabric of your smooth summer dress, his lips melted against your own in a kiss that took your breath away. Upon the gentle touch of the tip of his tongue, you thought you heard him say a soft: "I hate I was - was born so late" while his fingers were tucking some hair behind your ear.

You don't fuck that day either…)

"I… don't know." You shake your head, trying to maintain a bit of rationality. "It's not like we've talked about us, or we felt the need to label this. We just live day by day…" 

"Well, I guess you sort of put things cleared before starting this… thing ," Seokjin inspects, unsure. 

"Not really, no. It happened, and we didn't stop." You trail your stare to the empty bottle of soju, Yoongi's stare scorches your skin. "We sometimes fuck, we sometimes don't. A casual thing."

(Day 40, today afternoon. Jungkook asked you if you could spend the day together, but you told him that you promised Jin and Yoongi to have dinner together after your shift. With a glint of sadness floating in his doe eyes, he undressed you slowly, studied every inch of your skin crossed by goosebumps as if this was your last moment on earth together; with a bitter taste in your mouth, you took off every single cloth from his figure, tracing every inch of him with your fingers. Your first orgasm was shaped in a small moan brushed upon his mouth as he pulled his fingers into you, eyes pinned to your face. He used your juices to pump himself a bit, eyes still locked to yours. He pushed the tip against your wet folds, contemplating your lips swollen for the kisses, the shreds of pleasure scattered on your face, indulging in your irregular breath. He pulled into you gently, staring at you through his lashes. You clung at his shoulder blades, your heels pressed against his buttcheeks as he thrusted slowly. Slowly. So slowly you couldn't feel the end. Jungkook didn't take his eyes off your own for a second. You felt… loved , for a very brief moment. Then, you came again, he came, and you forgot about it.

It tasted like a goodbye fuck…)

"But… What if he's just waiting for you to say something? After all, your situation is way more complicated than his own." Seokjin throws a glance at Yoongi, still annoyed and silent.

A shiver travels down your spine. You think about Jungkook's luggage resting at the feet of his bed, about the clothes already folded in it. You think about the happiness sprinkled all over his face when he talks about Jeju, about the fact that he can't wait to go away with his friends…

"I don't think he wants something more from me." You clench your hands into fists around your knees.

You think about the long kiss he gave you before going back home, today afternoon. About his barely whispered: " Come back to my place when you've finished with your friends, please " that crippled you from head to toe…

"Why?"

You lose the grip around your knees, your fingers run to caress your wedding ring. "He's going to leave at the end of August."

  " Tell me about your heart,  how it stole breath from my lungs  and still warmed my veins"

  Summer's closure is shaped with Jungkook's airy laughter, constellations shining wet in his doe eyes, and drops of sweat gliding along his temples, gently sketching his sharp features down to his chin. 

Kissed by the morning sunlight that bathes the village, Jungkook is improvising some boxing moves in your backyard garden, fighting against an invisible opponent. He rhythmically jumps back and forth on his toes and heels, keeping his fists high across from his face. There's a little frown of concentration between his knitted brows, jaw clenched for the effort to keep his utmost attention focused on his task before punching the air.

From time to time, Bam seems to welcome his movements like an invitation to play along with him, because he trots around him before jumping and laying his paws on his stomach, interrupting his training. In those moments, the mask of seriousness drops off his face, liquefying in hues of happiness that morph his eyes into two half-moons crinkled in the corner. 

In those moments, you can't help but wonder if happiness can have more than a name and a face…

Jungkook lets out a high-pitched chuckle and your brain instantly shuts off, reminding you that any melody in the whole world could compare with such a marvelous sound -so you must pay your utmost attention, you can't lose even the tiniest bits of it; you need to learn that tune by heart, for when emptiness will be all that's left. 

Drawn by his sudden euphoria, you distract yourself from the grocery list sitting in your notebook, trailing your eyes on him. 

Sitting under a tree, you take in the sight of his bare torso, sketching with your eyes only every well-defined line that makes him a work of art in flesh and bones. You follow a single drop of sweat skimming between his toned pecs, gently crossing its way to his belly button amidst the shining sweaty dew condensed on his abdominals, finally diverting its path only to crash against the hem of his pajama-boxers that runs along his narrow waist. You chew on your bottom lip, a bit disappointed for that useless barrier made of cotton that impedes you to take a glimpse of his gracious crotch.

Jungkook exhales a light giggle when Bam nudges his muzzle on his leg, in a desperate search of cuddles. He hunches over him and places his hands under his ears, mumbling incoherent words in a high-pitched tone he only uses with his beloved dog or Moonie (or whatever is small and cute and adorable). He lifts his chin up and little when Bam tries to lick his cheek, eyes immediately darting in your direction. His lips open in a beaming smile that's warmer than the hot weather blessing this Sunday, it makes goosebump rise along your skin. 

At that sight you've witnessed a thousand times throughout the past months, a feeble thought crosses your mind, snapping you back down to earth.

Next week, Jungkook will leave.

Jungkook will jump on a rickety little van with his two best friends and will cross the pebbly street that passes through your residential area backward. Jungkook will go to Jeju along with people around his age and will soon forget about this village nestled between the mountains -about a woman ten years older than him who went hiking with him and fucked him on her couch and gave him a blowjob in his kitchen and laughed brightly at his jokes and held her breath whenever his fingers intertwined with her own and hugged him tight tight when tears rolled down his cheeks. 

Next week, August will approach its curtain calls and with it, this little bracket of sheer summer carefreeness you've shared…

The corners of your mouth pull up in the slightest in an attempt of a smile, but you divert your stare whisper-quick, too caught up in your own thoughts to sink in his pretty big eyes. With a little sigh withering in your lungs, you go back to focusing on your grocery list, tapping the back of the pen on the page. You try to focus on the various things scattered on the paper, trying to remember what's missing in your pantry, but your mind keeps drifting back to the boy having fun in your backyard -on the unbridgeable void that he'll surely leave behind. 

You sometimes ask yourself if Jungkook has ever been crossed by your same impulse to talk about his imminent departure -about this necessity to label the bond you've developed day by day; but, as you let your mind wander back in time through all the moments you've shared, it's crystal clear that he isn't affected by the situation. 

In all honesty, you haven't touched upon this topic. It's not like you've avoided it or pushed it back to bring it out at a more appropriate moment. It's just… neither of you two has ever felt the urge to tackle it: you've let things flow naturally, like your lives were meant to intertwine only for a season and it's now the time to let them wither. And yet, there were times where words were clogging your throat: you could feel them piling up in your mouth while he was kissing you; the moment before and after an orgasm; when Namjoon's memory pinched at your heart in a sad grip; when you were at the utmost of your happiness. 

It's a good thing, the fact that Jungkook took everything so light-heartedly: it means that he's ready to let this thing (you) go. 

It means that this thing (you) wasn't important… 

It'll be easier to go back to your usual life made of small things and dusty memories of your beloved husband, knowing that Jungkook won't be a piece of your existencial puzzle anymore. 

Your thumb desperately searches for your wedding ring, brushes upon it with delicacy. 

Despite your certainties, though, you can't help but wonder how long it'll take for your brain to forget about Jeon Jungkook. You wonder how little it'll take him to forget about you…

"What are you going to do when summer ends?" Jungkook's sudden question breaks through your consciousness, wafts over you with a bit of uncertainty that titillates your curiosity. "I mean… what do you usually do?" He clarifies, when you finally make eye contact. 

You observe his hands pulling back his sweaty hair to twirl it in a small tail on top of his head, fixing all the bits that don't fit in the elastic. "I go to work…" you manage to say, casting a quick glance at his tensed thighs as he uses his calves like a cushion. "And… I hang out with Jin and Yoongi, I take care of my house when I've some free time. Nothing much, actually." You let out a soft chuckle. "Why?"

He shrugs, caressing his tattooed arm. "I don't know… i'd be nice to see that side - side of your life, too." Words tumble off his tongue with seriousness, eyes fixed on your face for the whole time. 

Your heart lurches in your chest, and a sense of sheer panic insinuates at its spot, now empty… you try to part your lips, but the tension is so thick in your muscles to cripple you from head to toe. 

It's… important . 

His little wish is extremely important. It means that he also wants to spend his autumn and maybe winter and maybe spring and maybe back to summer with you… it means he wants to stay with you.

You shake your head (you're probably misinterpreting the true meaning behind his words. It must be so). "The boring part of me?"

"Don't think it'll be boring, but yeah… the boring part of you." He munches the corner of his mouth, where the piercing circles the flesh. "Pretty sure I'm boring too, somehow." He lets out a small chuckle, stare shifting to Moonie, peacefully resting on the porch. 

"You aren't…" it escapes in a barely whispered hush, buttered with that scorching tenderness that gushes out every time he puts himself down. He lifts his head up back again to look at you and you instinctively bend your legs close to your chest in a sort of protection, despite the many steps that keep you apart. "Anyway, believe me, there's nothing exciting in my life or this village when summer is over," you cut short the conversation, hoping that your sudden closure will refrain him from delving further into it. 

You're ready to let him go, he must go…

Jungkook stays still, clenches his hands into fists only to unfold them soon after. After a few seconds, he stands up, tilting his head to both sides to crack his neck. His footfalls waft over you delicately, your heart squeals and smashes against your chest at every inch that nullifies beneath his feet, and it drops into your twirled stomach when the boy is now across from you, hiding the sunlight behind his body. He must have sensed something is off in your recent behavior, because he leans over you slowly, as if he was dealing with a wild animal ready to dash away. Starry eyes locked into yours, he rests his hands beneath your knees and gently pulls you forward to situate himself between your legs, now twirled around his waist. Jungkook shifts on his spot to lay comfortably, grazing your covered center with his crotch.

Shivers travel down your spine, the thin hair on your nape raises up as your mind drifts back to the night you've spent in your bedroom -his bare body resting on the same portion that used to belong to Namjoon (you suddenly want to throw up). You can still feel his languid stare set on your hands gently guiding his dick into you, engulfing him inch by inch by inch; you can still feel his fingers digging into your hips, following a pace marked by the throaty groans flying out his parted lips; you can still hear your name reverberating through the small room in a squelched melody morphed into an orgasm -gentle, soft, just like Namjoon used to do when you took care of his pleasure (you suddenly want to throw up. And shove him away. And cry). 

Jungkook inhales sharply through his nose, placing a long kiss on your cheek. And another. And another…

You let out a giggle, unable to wriggle out of his grip. "Hey, calm down. Someone here is trying to act like a proper adult ." You joke, tapping the back of the pen on his shoulder. 

"Haven't you finished yet?" His bottom lip juts out. "The youngster here is bored." He playfully complains, the trail of feather-like pecks travels toward your ear. "Can't we just - just go to the supermarket and put all that we want in the shopping cart?" 

"I'm too broke for that. Guess you chose the wrong cougar." 

Jungkook lets out an airy laughter that sets in your lungs and chest, filling them to the brim. He gives you a quick kiss on your mouth before laying gently on top of you, his ear pressed against your breast. Curling his fingers around the fabric of your shirt, he exhales a chuckle for absolutely no reason -and it makes you all warm inside, the idea that happiness might cocoon him just because you and him are together. 

You let out a sigh, a small smile etching itself on your face. "Guess I can take a small break..." You twirl an arm around his shoulders, while the other hand twiddles with the tiny tail. 

Jungkook inhales sharply through his nose, indulging in your strokes. "(Y/N)... There's something I want to ask you." His voice is low, a little trembling, it's barely audible in the persistent chirp of birds all around you. He exhales one of those mouth-sounds he makes when he's fumbling for words and a gush of panic starts brewing in the abyss of your chest. "I was thinking… it's been a little - little while actually, but what if… ahm, would you mind if I stay?" 

You swallow, ignoring the possibility that there might be something deeper behind his question (after all, you're ready to let him go. He must go). 

"For lunch? Sure. What would you like to eat?" You grab a lock falling over his forehead and curl it between your fingers. "But, ugh, someone here is impeding me to go to the supermarket. We'll probably have to eat flowers and grass."

He chuckles softly, his cheek brushes on your breast when he shakes his head. "I didn't - didn't mean only today. But… you know - you know that I've to leave soon, but I was thinking… I can stay ." 

Oh…

Your muscles tense up all at once. His words are the prelude of a scary conversation you thought (prayed and hope) would never exist, and Jungkook pronounces it with absolute quietness -as if he accepted that things have to go in this way; but, at the same time, you can manage for you two to have a sense even after his departure. 

A huge void opens in the pit of your stomach, sucks your heart in and triturates it in a pulpy mess; but still you can hear its beat frantically thumping in every inch of you. 

"I can stay next week, too. And also the other one. And the other..." He hesitates before turning to gaze up at you, basking in the thick silence you're giving him back. Eyes shining wet, brimmed with fear of rejection, he sinks in your wide stare. "We can be - be together…"

You gasp once. And twice. And a third time. But air doesn't seep in, it sticks in your dry throat and doesn't travel down to your lungs. You feel like fainting.

Does Jungkook really want to stay here? With you?

Why?

He can't. He must go away. 

This village can't offer him anything. You can't offer him anything. You… you've your life here. A simple life with anything extraordinary happening and-and why would he ever accept this bore? Him, who wants to live his existence at its fullest and doesn't like to stay in the same place for a long time… it'd be like caging him. What if you let him stay and then he gets bored and suddenly leaves? Soon you'll go back to your working days, you won't have so much time to dedicate to him and… and he'll realize that you aren't as carefree as you are during summer. This ten-year-gap between you two will become palpable, and he'll regret having wasted his young days time with you. 

And Namjoon…

And there's Namjoon, too. What if Namjoon will never leave your heart? What if Jungkook's presence will make you forget about the incredible man who helped you to turn into the woman you're today?

You love Namjoon with every fiber of your being, and you aren't ready to let him go… but you are ready to let Jungkook go, you are…

Are you? 

"No…" this simple word flies out your mouth above a whisper, but hits him like a slap in his face, because he immediately pulls himself away from you. 

Jungkook's eyes grow wider, the liquid sparks floating into them dangerously flicker. "W - what?" His smile quivers, withers upon the visible trembling in your shoulders. "(Y/N), I—" He sits on the grass using his feet like a little cushion and gives you the saddest look you've ever seen on someone's face (it breaks your heart into a million pieces). "W… why not?"

You put yourself into a stretched position, moving backward to lean against the tree. "You… you can't stay. You can't."

He frowns, fingers curling around nothing. "I can't…"

"No, I mean… you shouldn't." You bend your legs close to your chest. "You should—you had plans with your friends. And to go back to Busan, you—" you moisten your trembling lips. "Why would you ever want to stay here?"

Jungkook's eyelids flutter fast in surprise. "Because you are here… " his confession is genuine, firm, like he thought a lot about it and this idea calcified in his heart and mind. "I can go to Jeju another time. And to Busan, too. The fact is… no matter where I go, I think I'll keep coming back here." His hand runs to grab at the opposite bicep. "I… want to stay here, with you, and try . We work pretty well together."

You swallow. "Jungkook, you don't belong here."

"You didn't belong here either." 

"But I've got a job here, and I moved with Namjoon—" his name tastes bitterly on your palate. "My life is here. You, instead, you—"

"I'm a boy who doesn't know what to do with his life," he interrupts, bitterly smiling. "But I'm young, I've all the time to understand what's the best for me—"

Namjoon used to say the same. That he was still young, he had all the time to do many things and visit many places. He told you that you two had all your whole life ahead of you, together… but that's not true. That's a fucking lie. Time… time is fleeting. Time doesn't care about anyone. Time grabs what's important to you and obliges you to keep going without it, dealing with the smothering absence every single day…

"I'm—things won't be like this, when summer will end," you fumble for words, setting your stare on everything except for him -who's sad, but hopeful. "Soon I'll go back to work, I won't have much time to dedicate to you. I'll be… nervous and angry and—"

"I don't care, I want to try anyway," he interrupts, softly, unperturbed about the eventuality that things might crumble at the first hint of adversity. "I… I want to see if we work well also when things get hard. Aren't you curious?"

You are. And you aren't. The fact is that you were so convinced that Jungkook would leave, you didn't think too much about you two together -and now that he's offering you this chance on a silver plate, you're frightened to death: if things fuck up, it'll be easy for him to move on and find another place, but you… you'll be left here alone to recollect all the pieces of your shattered heart and you can't do this to it (to you) anymore. If things will work, instead, you'll risk replacing Namjoon's memory and you can't do this to him, you—!

Your fingers run to grab at your wedding ring. They caress it convulsively, like your whole life depended on it. "It's just a summer fling…" you mumble, vaguely, talking to yourself rather than with him.

"It had to be…" but Jungkook hears you perfectly, and barges in with absolute peacefulness. Resoluteness streams in his eyes, and you can't help but be scared of all his honesty and yearning of trying. "(Y/N), I do l—" he chews on his bottom lip, swallowing whatever he was about to tell you. His stare trails to your ring, and a small sigh leaves his mouth. "Is it because of your husband?" 

A burst of rage suddenly fogs your mind, notches your voice and words in a high-pitched trembling. "Why do you always have to talk about him?!" 

"Because you still love him!" A vibrant flush spreads to the tip of his ears, hands clenched into fists. The annoyance flickers between his tensed features, as if he was finally releasing every ounce of it. "Because you still love him and I don't get how can you still love an idiot who left you—"

An idiot…

"He made you come here, and then he left. And you - you're still waiting for him and—"

Namjoon isn't an idiot…

"And I don't get it! If you love him so fucking much why don't you just call him and ask him to - to try again, instead of wallowing in self-pity—"

"Namjoon is dead …" 

The seriousness of your words don't impact your mind the exact moment they fly out your mouth. Actually, it takes you quite a few seconds to process what you've just said. Without shedding tears. Without screaming or raising your voice.

The truth you've hidden from Jungkook for all these months is shaped with quietness (with the same quietness you've asked him if he preferred a toast or cereal, this morning, when he hugged you from behind to announce his presence). 

You tuck some hair behind your ear, unable to look at the boy across from you -you don't want to see what type of expression is dawning on his face right now, you couldn't stand it.

"Namjoon, he… we didn’t divorce. He… he passed away. A year and a half ago, he took a bike ride and a car, ahm—" You munch the corner of your mouth, the area around your eyes swells up.

You still feel the metallic smell of blood in the air, the warmth of tears streaming down your scarlet cheeks, the powerfulness of a scream you've squelched into your throat, the warmth of Seokjin and Yoongi's embrace when you felt weak in your knees.

Everything is so vivid, as if you were living that moment every single day of your existence… 

Jungkook's expression changes. It looks like a leaf curling on itself at the first touch of winter. There's… disappointment; surprise; shame. He looks like someone who wants to put as much distance as possible between you two…

"You didn't tell me…" he mumbles, shaking his head. "You… you said you - you divorced, you—"

"I didn't," you interrupt, "You talked about divorce."

"Ah. So it's my fault?!"

"No, I just—I just grabbed the occasion." Your stare shakes before his frown, so you lower it to search for a safe spot but everything in Jungkook's body is so tensed up for the rage you feel your heart dropping in the pit of your stomach.

"Why didn't you tell me the truth?"

Because Jungkook had to leave at the end of August, so why bother?

"I… don't want to talk about him with you."

Because it's easier, like this. It's easier to keep him close to your heart if you mention Namjoon as little as possible. It's easier to smother in the bud every emotion arising for another man if you treat your husband like a wanderer who's lost his way back home. 

Waiting for someone who will never return reminds you that you loved him with every inch of you, with every breath you've taken -and you don't want to know if someone as special as him does exist because it doesn't feel quite right…

A faint crackling sound coming from Jungkook's direction catches your attention. He slowly stands up, heavily, like his whole body was made of iron and cement. You briefly take a glimpse of his face, brimmed with creases of sadness that have you turning to the other side.

Jungkook scratches his nape. “It's better - better if I go home. I've got some things to do.” Without looking at you, he gives you a small smile -so small that you can read between its cracks.

Jungkook won't search for you anymore.

It’s too much for him. He’s twenty three after all. Why should he put up with a woman whose past is a luggage full of ghosts that she doesn't want to let go? Why should he spend his days with someone who doesn't trust him enough to share a huge piece of herself? 

Why should he stay with you, when you treated him like a boy worth only a summer? 

The only thing Jungkook leaves to you is his low voice as he calls Bam, patting a hand on his thigh to invite him to follow him. The tiny screeching sound he made while greeting Moonie. The footfalls disappearing behind the light thud of the door. 

Then, the emptiness.

The same emptiness that wrapped you when Seokjin was crying through a phone and you had understood that your life wouldn't be the same anymore. It's just… of a different shape. But not less painful.

It's ok. You can get used to it.

  "I’ll hug you so hard you’ll remember it a while; Late at night smiling, sensing me all around you; Your devoted loving ghost..." 

The good thing about summer flings is that they're meant to run out in the warm weather that starts getting lukewarmer, while the breeze prepares to welcome a new September, hauling away all the words and gestures you've spilled light-heartedly. 

It's comforting to know that certain things will stay forever on the surface, without growing… sure, there's a bitter taste for all those " what if?" that naturally sprouted at every skipped beat of your heart; but they're just this: " ifs " and " buts ", and they soon will be forgotten without any pain.

Jungkook, exceptionally, is one of those " what if?” and "ifs" and "buts" that hurt all your bits…

It's lacerating the way he seeps through your thoughts undisturbed, reminding you that all the good and profound you've built had ended in a thick silence that had you sitting under a tree as if your soul just left your body -stare fixed on the exact point you've last observed his hunched figure, like you were expecting for him to come back and save the situation. 

It's lacerating the fact that amidst the many memories of Jungkook you've shielded between the folds of your brain, the only one that comes back to haunt you is his face crumpled with sadness for your firm rejection. 

Not his doe glistening eyes; not his toothy smiles; not his airy laughter that lifts you up above the clouds… just sheer sorrow. And bitter disappointment. And regret. 

All because of you…

And you hate him for his capacity to get under your skin and capture your utmost attention: for the very first time since he's bumped into your life, you regret letting him take a step into your intimacy -so much and deep that you can't help but feel sad for shattering his heart and hopes. 

And you shouldn't, because Jungkook is alive.

Jungkook is still alive and he's twenty three years old and he'll recover soon from this sort of heartbreak and you'll become just a meaningless summer story he'll flaunt with his friends when he's a bit drunk. You should address all your sorrow to Namjoon. Because Namjoon isn't here anymore and he was too young to leave this place and he wanted to do and see so many things and when he left, he took with himself all the projects you created for you two.

He took away the best part of you, because you weren't ready to let him go…

The love you had for him was so scorching and blazing high and still is; but Jungkook's arrival cooled it down, and you started thinking that maybe, out there, someone else worth sharing their life with you does exist.

You hate that Jungkook is slowly replacing Namjoon's memories with his own; and yet, at the same time, you can't help but wonder how the new boy with big doe eyes and a gentle smile is doing…

A little sigh seeps through your lips, stretched into a thin line. 

It's been almost a week since you've seen Jungkook, and your heart hasn't stopped bleeding since then. 

You aren't very much surprised about his choice to stand aside, considering the harsh ending between you two: you witnessed firsthand how men tend to walk away after a discovery of this scale -especially when you're too broken and it's too damn difficult to help you recollect all that pieces you've scattered around. In this specific situation, though, it's also true that you dropped the bomb out of the blue, without giving him any time to metabolize the truth you kept from him for all these months. Moreover, even if Namjoon's death wasn't a weight too huge to sustain, Jungkook is still too young for this: he came here to give a sense to his own life, searching for some carefreeness and for an answer to all those questions that devour him from the inside… Why should he saddle with this—!

“(Y/N), if you like that mug so much, you can have it." Seokjin's voice breaks through your consciousness abruptly. The panda-mug you're holding for three minutes straight almost slips through your hands as you slowly regain control of yourself. 

You blink twice, trailing your stare from Jin's amused expression to the mug (it's chipped on the handle because Joonie accidentally made it fall while taking it out of the cupboard). "No, thanks…" you run the thumb on the cracked area, before grabbing a piece of newspaper to wrap around it with a nervous gesture. "You know it disgusts me to drink from a panda's head." You place it carefully in a box full of other mugs and glasses, feeling your heart drop into your stomach.

Seokjin is going away, and you haven't metabolized this news yet.

Yoongi snaps his tongue, shaking his head in disappointment. "(Y/N), c'mon, this was your good chance to destroy that abomination."

"You don't understand anything about art." Seokjin puffs his cheeks. "And you know it's just like my Linus' blanket. I—"

Yoongi and you sigh, saying contemporaneously, "You have had it since you were a little child, your brother chose it for you and—"

"Boring. You're boring. I can't wait to move and meet new friends who will appreciate the beautiful me fully!" Jin raises his chin and tilts his head to the side, dramatically delivering you an offended look. 

"We can't wait for you to move once and for all, too." Yoongi studies the cup with tiny mice eating cheese in his hands -it feels like he's debating with himself on smashing it against the wall, judging by the little frown between his knitted brows. 

“Liar! Your mother told me you'll miss me to death!”

“That's not true!”

“Your ears going on fire tell me otherwise, Yoongi-chi—"

You cackle, interrupting their silly quarrel. "I'll miss you a whole lot, instead," you say, noticing his eyes crinkle in the corners and his lips twitching in an amused grimace. "And I'll especially miss your dainties. Nobody cooks Gimbap as divinely as you do." You rest your hand on your stomach, pouting. 

"I believe that (Y/N) is trying to tell you to make yourself useful and go cooking something." Yoongi smirks. "Or that we'll miss just your cooking abilities, you choose."

Seokjin sighs, hands resting on his hips (just like his mother would do). "Oh, Yoongi-chi, I look forward to receiving your drunk texts in which you admit that this place isn't the same without me, begging me to come back soon." His eyelids flicker up and down fast before his eyeroll, gazing then at the various boxes already closed and piled up in a corner of the living room. A glint of sadness notches the quietness dancing across his delicate features, but it lasts a very few seconds. "Anyway, you're the worst moving company ever hired. You don't deserve my divine Gimbap. But you're lucky, today I'm pretty generous." Seokjin spares you two one last glance before heading toward the kitchen. "I'll call you when dinner is ready. In the meantime, don't break anything without my authorization."

You exhale a light giggle observing his retracting figure. Once left alone, you go back to focusing on your task, basking in the silence now settled upon you two. You close the box in front of you already full and put it on the ground, grabbing another one from under the table. 

Yoongi focuses on the glasses, sometimes commenting under his breath about his best friend's bad taste. He seems overall peaceful about Seokjin's decision -but you can tell from his curved lips that the closer you get to the day of the departure, the more his mood drops six feet under. 

You give him a sidelong glance, scrutinizing the little pout hanging on his lips. "Your mom is worried. She says you're such a gray cloud lately." You wait for a follow-up that doesn't come, but a grunt is all you get in return. "Hey, I'll miss him too. And Jin isn't the type to disappear. He'll surely clog our chats with texts and selfies. It'll be like he never left." You deliver him a reassuring smile, squeezing his shoulder in the process.

Yoongi munches the corner of his mouth. "I know, but it won't be the same… this place won't be the same anymore. It hasn't been for a while now." He puts a cup in the box, shrugging. "Minji first. Then Namjoon. Now Jin…" his droopy eyes grow wider, he turns to you in a rush, a muscle twitching in his jaw. "Ah, shit, I'm sorry (Y/N). I didn't mean to say that just me and you will suck—"

"Don't worry, I know what you mean." You flap a hand, silently telling him that you aren't mad at him. "It's just that everything seems different without certain persons, even if the others stay."

Mornings were all the same, but with Jungkook there was something that scraped their monotony: his laughter in the chirp of cicadas; his smiles, warm like the feeble sunlight seeping through the fronds; his eyes, glistening like the dew covering the flowers; his mouth shaped in a small 'O' whenever he caught a little frog jumping in your garden; his hands grabbing yours while you were taking your dogs out… mornings were all the same, and yet there was something different when Jungkook was here…

When Namjoon was here, too…

"Is it about Jungkook-ah?"

His name pierces through your chest like a thousand needles that morph into butterflies and carries your throbbing heart into your dry throat. It's the first time that Yoongi pronounces his name -he usually calls him: " the new boy " or " boytoy " (it must be serious if he doesn't tease him). 

"No, of course…" you tuck some hair behind your ear, swallowing. "You said it, he's just a boy. He came here to spend his holidays, he had some fun, and now he's going away." You hunch over the box, unable to sustain the inevitable sadness that this subject brings along. "Those like him don't leave any impression."

"They do. He does… he did from the first day. It's not easy to forget those like him." A small smile etches itself on his face. "Namjoon would have liked him."

You feel a pang into your chest, probably because that statement is true. Namjoon would have liked Jungkook. He would have invited him over to your place for a beer to talk about your dogs, his course of study, the collection of manga that fills his bedroom; the three of you would have probably visited every tiny corner of this village, together… 

Uncontrollably, the corners of your mouth quirk up. "I know… he would have probably taken him under his wing. You know, staying up all night to find a way to help him..."

"Yeah, Namjoon was like this." Yoongi chuckles, his gummies now exposed. "That's why you don't want to stay with him?" His question isn't harsh, but it digs in your chest and pinches your sense of guilt. His features soften before your shaky eyes. "(Y/N), I saw the way he looked at you, he isn't… a boy dealing with a passing crush. He looks like someone who wants to stay here with you. Here , holy shit…" his jaw clenches, as if the simple decision to stay in this village of his own accord could be some kind of proof of love . "You can't push him away like you always do, you—"

"I already did…" your confession tumbles off your mouth in a trembling hush, but Yoongi heard him clearly. You stay still, too scared to turn and sink in his eyes veiled with astonishment and disappointment. "He asked me if he could stay. You know, giving up on his plans with his friends, his future… I rejected him. I can't do this to him."

" He can't do this to himself, you mean. He's old enough to choose what's best for his own life…" Yoongi spits his words with firmness, but there's a note of understanding in his voice that makes you feel less alone (and guilty). "(Y/N), let's be honest… you just don't want to hurt yourself." He lets out a sigh, scratching his nape. "You're scared to fall in love again with someone new and be left alone again. But, (Y/N), it's such bullshit… nobody knows how these things go. Like, you and Namjoon were an amazing couple, but you'll never have the certainty that it'd have been forever."

Yoongi's words hit you like a bucket of icy water. Your fingers curl into fists, you'd like to slap him in his face for the harshness in his speech… but they're sprinkled with a type of truth that you've always swiped away: the fact that even the biggest love could shatter, at a certain point. But this isn't entirely the crux of the problem. Deep inside of you, a thin voice whispers that you'll never be able to consider Jungkook an important piece of your existence because he'll never be able to match up Namjoon… why should you treat him like he was inferior? 

Jungkook doesn't deserve this cruelty…

Yoongi's hand curls around your shoulder, squeezing it a little. "(Y/N), run to him. Don't treat him like a fucking child. He's big enough to know what he wants, don't—"

"I can't." You shake your head, so hard that your temples pulse. "What if I will never like him like I love Joonie? I'd break his heart, I can't."

"You already broke his heart," he analyzes, lowering his head when you exhale a small whining sound. "Tell him about Namjoon. Tell him the truth, be honest. He'll understand—"

"I did." There's a little crack in your voice as the pictures of that morning flash in the back of your mind. "I told him the truth and he disappeared."

"He disappeared because you hid the truth from him. You rejected him completely . He's angry, ashamed… give him some time."

"No, you should've seen him. He was angry… and scared . It's too much for him to handle." You twirl your arms around your waist, you feel like you're on the cusp of breaking. "He thinks he likes me because we spent a nice summer together, but it won't last. Things will get harder and more serious." You brush your hands on your face, slamming then your arms along your sides. "It's okay, though. I don't care. I knew it wouldn't last anyway. He isn't the first one who goes away after finding out that Namjoon left ."

"Namjoon is dead." Yoongi's voice is a screeching noise that punches you in your stomach. But what's hurt the most is his expression: ripped apart, as if saying these few words cost him half of his life. "Until you won't say it out loud, you won't move on." His hands clench into fists. "(Y/Nk, you kept acting like a sad widow, and we never complained because we respect you and you have all the rights to do things at your own pace… but you're happier since you've met Jungkook-ah. You two, together… you had the same smile you had for Namjoon. I won't stay to the side, watching you fuck up everything. Not this time…" Yoongi breaths out from his nose, lowering his voice. "Go to him. I'm taking care here, you go to him and fix everything—"

"No, no… I prefer staying here." You rest your hands into your hair. You want Yoongi to stop blabbering. You want him to stop slamming the truth in your face with so much brutality. "Jungkook makes me forget about Joonie, and I don't want to. He isn't Joonie, he—"

"But he is another man you love." His words waft over you with delicacy, almost hesitant, like this revelation could be the coup-the-grace to your mental stability. "(Y/N), you won't forget about him. I don't think Jungkook-ah would ever want to replace him, and Namjoon… he'd never want to see you like this…" he shrugs. "You deserve happiness."

"No, it's not fair."

"It is. It's not your fault if things went like this. It's… destiny and all that bullshit. I know it sucks, but it had to happen. And Jungkook-ah's arrival was meant to happen, too…" he turns toward the box in front of him, mumbling, "You can't keep living in the past."

You know it. You know you should let go of Namjoon's ghost and live your life to its fullest; and yet, you feel guilty about the realization that you're still here, having fun, while he isn't… it's so fucking unfair. And even if you'd want to bring Jungkook back into your life, it's—

"It's late…" you mutter, brushing your fingers on your wedding ring. "Jungkook hates me. I hurt him too much too many times. He's probably too tired to forgive me again…"

"He doesn't hate you, he just needs time. And it's not late. If it wasn't late for me, it can't be for you…" his faint smile trembles before the confusion sprinkling your face. "I followed your advice. I wrote to Minji, and she answered back. She's happy, and she misses me… and she wants to see me again." 

When Yoongi's confession scrapes the thin layer of air between you two, you suddenly forget about your problems and doubts, about the sadness that was sucking your heart in the pit of your stomach, about the sense of guilt that was trampling your conscience. 

You're just happy about Yoongi, right now. You don't care about anything or anyone else… 

"She asked me to meet her, and I'm thinking about it… but it'd be nice to see her again." His eyes are two shining gems that skyrocket you to outer space. "I'd like to try…" 

"I… I'm happy. I'm so happy for you, Yoongi-chi." Tears prickle at the corners of your eyes as he flashes you his adorable gummy smile. In a burst of euphoria, you twirl your arms around his neck and he hugs you back thightly and, fuck , the last time he wrapped you so hard into a warm embrace has been after Namjoon's funeral. But there's no pain, this time. There's just relief. "This wasn't an excuse to be hugged, was it?" You tease him -he acts all tough, but he's such a softie under all those layers of I-don't-give-a-damn attitude. 

Yoongi snorts a chuckle, squeezing you tighter. "Go to Jungkook and talk to him. Be happy, mh?"

You chew on your bottom lip to keep tears at bay. You lean your forehead on his shoulder, letting out a stuttered breath. 

Being happy…

"Guys, just five minutes and dinner is ready. Why don't you—" Seokjin's words fade in a small " oh " brimmed with surprise, as he halts himself on the doorframe, catching the pair of you in each other's arms. "Hey, shouldn't you hug me instead? I remind you I'm the one who's leaving, uff…" He approaches you when you nod toward him, in a silent gesture to ask him to come closer. He hugs you from behind. "What's the problem? Is it because I'm leaving?" He jokes, but you catch a light wobble in his voice that creates a lump in your throat. 

Being happy without Seokjin…

"That. And because Yoongi-chi will meet Minji."

Being happy without Namjoon…

"And because (Y/N) is in love with the new boy." Yoongi gets quiet, then…

Being happy with Jungkook…

"And for Namjoon."

Your heart beats frantically into your chest, you melt into their arms. Seokjin hugs you tighter. And Yoongi, too.

  You brush your palm upon the window, behind the thick veil of dust you can take a glimpse of the blossoming garden that made Joonie's head spin when you first came here to search for your new home in this quiet village. 

In the back of your mind, you can still see his mouth unfurl in a smile -two adorable dimples appearing on his cheeks; the visor of his baseball cap casting a shadow upon his glistening eyes; and the confident: " I like it here " tumbled off his tongue as he let your hand go to step inside the room, like a force was pulling him from the inside…

His footfall echoes back to you in a rhythmic melody that cocoons your heart in turmoil; his low, thoughtful voice is a soft whisper that makes you quiver from head to toes like a leaf, as you hear him describe out loud the position of each piece of furniture that would constitute his future studio -all the things he could do here, in such a lovely place. 

Basking in the nocturnal silence scraped by the chirp of cicadas, you've the sensation that Namjoon is still here: he's sprawled on his chair, eyes pinned to the last book he bought at the bookstore; he's hunched over the desk, a little frown slicing across his brows as he carefully studies the tests of his students; he's sitting on the edge of the desk, stare fixed on the plant life outside and a mug in his hands as he recounts his day -his sharp eyes morphed into two sweet half-moons…

"(Y/N)?"

You drift your stare to your right in a rush, feeling your heart thump in your throat for your name resounding throughout the room as it has just been pronounced by him. However, when you cast a glance upon his desk, reality hits you like a bucket of icy water, swiping away Namjoon's picture like curls of smoke: there's no one occupying his chair.

Namjoon isn't here, in flesh and bones. 

He's just a figment of your imagination that comes back to haunt you from time to time. 

You are alone…

Reluctantly pulling yourself out of your own dizziness, you clean your palm on your shorts before folding your arms around your waist, taking a look around: Namjoon's studio is how you left it half a year ago, when you've decided to lock it forever to spare yourself a deeper sorrow. Sure, it's definitely more dusty and dirtier, but unaltered throughout the years rolled by: the boxes containing his clothes and belongings are stored along the wall, creating a small fence of memories that would swallow you in one bite if you'd only take a quick peer inside of them; his messy notes are dispersed on the desk, in the same position he left them the day before the incident; one of his student's test is laying at the center, some red marks scattered through the paper (he didn't finish to correct it, he said he'd do it the morning after); his books disposed on the shelves curved for the weight…

You've put every bit of him inside his sanctuary on earth the moment his absence became too loud to bear it, naively thinking that this decision would help you to forget about him. 

But it didn't. 

Namjoon is indelibly carved into your heart and brain and the deepest part of you -his ghostly presence accompanies every step you take, every gesture you make, as if your life was still meant to intertwine with his own, someday. 

A sudden force coming from the inside gives a light push to your feet, now shuffling on their own accord toward the desk. In an instinctive gesture, you let your fingers crawl on the surface (just like you used to do before hugging him from behind, placing a kiss on the top of his head), the tips of your fingers leave a trail in their wake. You inhale sharply through your nose, the stuffy smell grown for all this time has you grimacing as you observe the various paintings he bought (but never hang on the walls, saying that he couldn't find their right position), until your eyes inevitably rest upon the few photographs you've hidden here. 

Despite the lump in your throat and the tears wetting your lashes, the corners of your mouth quirk up as soon as you take notice of your wedding picture; some random selfies of the pair of you taken during your small trips and messily pinned on a cork-board; a stolen shot of him, Yoongi and Seokjin with the Cheonjiyeon Waterfall in the background; a laughter captured by mistake while Hoseok is talking to him in the chaos of a pub…

Feeling weak in your knees, you plop down on the chair, breath settling heavily in your lungs. You curl into yourself, elbows resting on your thighs and hands gripping at your hair as tears dangerously threaten to roll down your cheeks. 

The heart-to-heart chat you had with Yoongi was a good, metaphorical kick in your ass to find some strength and finally open this door to confront yourself with a beautiful past that you can't seem to let go -as if embracing all the things you've lost would help you to move on with your life… but you're stuck.

You're stuck into his sharp eyes that gently etched into two sweet crescents when he trailed his attention to you; you're stuck in his laughter, in his voice telling you tales you used to drink to the very last ounce. You're stuck in the scorching love that didn't wither when he passed away. You're stuck in the abyssal emptiness he left behind. 

You're stuck in Namjoon, and the way life seemed funnier since he bumped into it…

The gentle but persistent tapping of Moonie's head against your legs snaps you back down to reality. You crack your eyes open, sinking in his round, glistening stare -like he couldn't fully grasp why his beloved owner isn't here. You put yourself into a stretched position as you slowly muster enough courage to not shatter into pieces. 

Moonie takes advantage of your movement to stretch himself and rest his muzzle on your lap, patiently waiting for some cuddles. You caress the top of his head in a soothing gesture to calm yourself down, observing the wedding ring wrapped around your finger.

"You miss him too, mh?" You mumble, exhaling a stuttered breath that flickers between your trembling lips. You lean forward to rest your cheek on the top of your dog head, eyes pinned to the desk at your side. 

It's useless. Staying here won't solve absolutely anything. Staying here reminds you of all the nice memories you crafted with your husband -it doesn't make you want to run to Jungkook and ask him if you're still on time to apologize…

Jungkook…

A pang in your chest makes you curl more into yourself, a little whining sound squelches into your mouth. It's ok like this. It's more than ok like this. The nice bond you and Jungkook developed throughout these months would never last when summer will be over -and the fact that he's about to go away tomorrow without even greeting you does nothing but intensify your certainty: it's late. 

It's too late…

You're about to stand up and dash out of this room, locking it once and forever. But just when you're about to move a finger, your attention is captured by the desk drawer -remembering that you've hidden something really precious into it. 

You carefully open it, taking notice of all the letters you wrote him during his military service and that he attentively secured together with an elastic; you look at the sticky notes full of smiles and 'good morning' you've written in a rush whenever you woke up earlier than him… and your notebook. The notebook that contains all the little poems he used to give you every single morning since your story began -his own, personal way to demonstrate how much he cared for you. 

You leaf through it, eyes shining wet at every inked character. Words are carved into your brain; and yet, your heart beats feverishly as if it was the first time reading them. Seconds elapse in a silence that cocoons you inside a bubble -the world is a distant place, noiseless almost. You drown in his love exuding from each piece:

"So I wait for you like a lonely house till you will see me again and live in me. Till then, my windows ache"

You run your fingers on the characters above the paper, they're rough upon your tips. A small smile blooms upon your quivering lips, picturing him writing down this little poem in a rush before leaving. Absent-mindedly, you turn the page, and the liquid sparks  in your wide eyes dangerously tremble: white. Infinite white is all you can see, realizing that this is the last note he left you. The note he left before taking his bike and telling you that he loves you, that you'd see each other later… 

You can't help but wonder how many poems he'd have dedicated to you if only he hadn't gone so soon…

Yoongi's words and harsh comments suddenly slap you in your face: Namjoon is dead. Dead . And you can't do anything about it. You don't have control on what happened; but you have control over you and your future actions: you can only store inside of you all the beautiful memories he gave you and then move on, accepting all the good that life is going to place along your path -yes, even if this 'good' is a gentle boy with sweet doe eyes who displayed the depth of his heart with genuine sincerity. 

The problem is that it isn't so easy to keep going when you think that all the plans you projected seem worthy only alongside your husband.

The problem is that you aren't ready to let another human being take a seat in your heart when it fully shines bright for Namjoon.

And no matter how Jungkook has been able to take it into his hands and delicately cure every scar atop of it and help it to go back to beating again: it's an inarguable truth that if Namjoon were here, you would have never noticed Jeon Jungkook.

The love you felt (and still feel) for your husband isn't comparable to the feeble passion that drowned you toward the boy.

You don’t love Jungkook.

You love when he comes, when he makes you come. 

You're just this . You're barely whispered orgasms in the darkness of his bedroom; lazy kisses stolen in the backyard of his house; airy laughters over a glass of wine; tears hidden on a shoulder; little sips of breath in the crook of each other's neck when you hug tight, on your sofa; early morning strolls, your hands so close for your fingers to intertwine in the slightest; tales of a carefree childhood that taste of watermelon and beer; whispered words on a pillow -too much intimate for the pair of you to forget them when the night is over.

It's a palliative that makes you forget about the past you’ve lost.

Something that is bound to end when the warmth of summer will start to fade.

Something that… is close to happiness .

Something…

A soft thud against the entrance door sinks you back down to earth, making you lose the grip around your train of thoughts. Moonie stops using your lap as a perch and rests on the floor,  barking against nothing to the direction of the door, titillated by the rhythmic knocking sound that scratches the silence settled upon you. 

You snap your brows together, curious about who might be so late at night. You place the notebook on the desk and patiently wait for the noise to cease; but whoever came to visit you doesn't seem intent to go away. Huffing, you stand up, slowly proceeding toward the entrance. 

Who can't it be now? 

Maybe it's Yoongi, unable to sleep due to the messages he keeps exchanging with Minji; maybe it's Jin, who acts all tough when it comes to his imminent departure but you can tell by the sparks in his eyes that he's scared and sad to leave you all behind; maybe their mothers have come to spend some time with you, even if you highly doubt it… in all honesty, whoever it might be, you don't feel like talking with anyone. 

You just want for this night to pass in a heartbeat and stick your head out tomorrow morning and discover that the house across from yours is finally empty once again—!

"Yes?" Your eyes grow bigger when you open the door to reveal…

"Hi, Noona…"

… Jungkook. 

Jungkook and his big doe eyes brimmed with constellations and galaxies you still have to give a name to. Jungkook and his black, wavy hair gently falling along his temples in unruly locks. Jungkook and his lips stretched in a thin line that tastes of fondness and fear of rejection. Jungkook and his fingers curling around his Iron-Man t-shirt. Jungkook and his tattoos that tell you something about his own, little, personal world.

Jeon Jungkook, here, the night before his departure…

"Hey…" you manage to say, above a whisper, like a higher note in your voice might make him vanish into nothingness. He sucks on his bottom lip in a nervous gesture and you notice the tiny mole lying beneath it; your fingers immediately run to caress your wedding ring, in a desperate attempt to refrain yourself from grazing that area like you've done a billion times before. "Are you here for the last goodbye?" 

You don't tell it as a joke, or out of rage, or displaying sadness. 

You're genuinely conscious over the fact that Jungkook is here for a farewell between two mature grown-ups -despite all the shit you put him through in the end. It must be his last act of kindness, since you had your good dose of mind-blowing sex and you both have delved into each other's intimacy…

Jungkook isn't affected by your question in the slightest. He merely ruffles his hair, giving you a sheepish smile that reaches his eyes. "That was the plan, until this morning at least…" he catches a small breath, a ruby hue tinges his cheekbones. "I can’t leave - leave like this -you…” he moistens his lips, fixing his eyes to his sandals -his toes curl in and out for anxiety. “I want to apologize, (Y/N). I disappeared—”

“It’s ok. I disappeared many times, too." You flap a hand, trying to minimize the crux of his speech. 

“It’s not the same - same." He shakes his head vigorously, knuckles turning white for the grip around the shirt. "I've never - never understood why you kept pushing me away. I thought you didn't like me much, that we were just, you know… fuck-buddies, mh." He sets his eyes on the ground, voice dropping two notches deeper. "I - I was just… I was so damn mad at you for not telling me the truth earlier. I mean, since we started to hang out, you always treated me like an adult, but that day… I felt like I was a stupid child to you. You made me so angry I wanted to cut ties once and for all." He lets out a small chuckle, camouflaging the small wobble in his recount. "Then, everything got all so clear to me and I wanted to run to you but I - I panicked ." His confession is firm, uttered while sinking in your wide eyes. "When I told you that I'm used to dating older women, it's true. I've never cared about their age or mine, I just wanted to have fun without problems, having an expiration date. It's easier to be a lover or, you know, to deal with women who just divorced. But you… I don’t know if I can do it, with you." 

You swallow thickly, disoriented by his flood of words mumbled all in a rush and with that adorable stuttering mannerism that makes Jungkook the special being he is. You part your lips, but close it immediately when you realize that you lack words: what should you tell him? That a part of you is relieved to know that he prefers leaving? That a part of you is dying little by little knowing that he prefers leaving?

What can you tell a boy who wants to sacrifice his life for you when you aren't capable of understanding yourself and giving him all the love he deserves? 

You let out a sigh, giving in to the easy choice. 

You decide to let (him) go…

“I'm pretty sure things wouldn't work, either. You know, summer is ending, life will become harder again… it'll be different." You avert his big stare, unable to hold the expectation crumbling in his shaky eyes. "And no need to apologize. I should've told you everything from the beginning… you had all the rights to be mad at me." You catch a breath, willing to cut this conversation and his visit short. “Enjoy your holiday, Jeju is wonderful in this period—"

“I’m not going anywhere," Jungkook interrupts, softly. He takes a tiny step forward and you should back off but you can't. Your legs are paralyzed, your whole body craves for his proximity. "(Y/N), I don't know if I can do it… but I want to try.” 

Panic cripples you from head to toes. 

This week of absence convinced you that Jungkook wanted to put as much distance as possible between you two; you slowly accepted the reality of things and prepared yourself to live with the emptiness he'll leave behind. But if he stays, you—

“Jungkook… no, we already talked about it." You fold your arms around your waist in a sort of protection. "You can't sacrifice your life and stay here—" your words fade in the soft sound of his chuckle.

His lips open in a smile that shows his front bunny-like teeth. "Sacrifice? I'm doing it because I want to do it." Sweetness tugs at his features. "I'm not sacrificing anything if it comes from here…" he pats his hand on his chest, where the heart lays.

You shake your head. "You don't know what you're doing, you—"

"Don't treat me - me like a child." Jungkook pouts, offended. "I'm an adult, I know what I'm doing." 

“No, you're not." You try to keep firmness in your voice, but the light tremble in your shoulders betrays your anxiety. "You - you are twenty three. You’ve to see the world, and enjoy life with someone your age, stay with your friends and - and you’ve to live in the way you want, Jungkook." You move backward when you take notice of his hand raising up to reach you. "If you stay here, with me, you - you’ll waste your time. You're going to regret it—”

“I can see the world another time. We can do it together, if you want.” He takes a step forward, but still he doesn't walk in. “I can go to Jeju next week, or next month… but if I go away from here now, I know that all the good we've built will be over and I - I don’t want to.” He waits for a follow-up that doesn't come, you can see his patience hanging into his eyes still brimmed with fondness. “(Y/N)... I’m younger than you, but I’m not stupid. I can listen to myself, and I want to stay here, with you. My heart says so. My mind, too.” He catches a breath, a muscle twitches in his jaw. “I like you, (Y/N). Thought it was clear that I do , a lot .” His hand runs to the opposite bicep. "I like you so much that I don't think I'll be able to fall for someone else."

Oh…

You feel the words climbing up your throat. The part of you that longs for indulging in the affection Jungkook is ready to give you pumps up the truth that you've difficulty tried to bury in the abyss of your chest -that you like him, too . A lot. You like him so much that you want him to stay and see how far you two can go. You like him so much that you sometimes forget about Namjoon…

And that's why you can't keep him here, with you.

You've to tell him the whole truth. A truth that he deserves to know, and that goes beyond Namjoon's death…

Jungkook swallows thickly. "(Y/N)..."

"There's something you must know…" you say, vaguely, sparing him one last glance before turning your back to him. 

Jungkook walks in after a brief moment of hesitation, murmuring a 'thank you' that settles in your chest and doesn't go away. He takes off his sandals and puts them next to your shoes, gawking at that simple view a little longer. You can hear his footsteps resound behind you, only to come to a halt when you disappear inside Namjoon's studio. Realizing that this is the room you've kept locked until today, he stays still on the doorframe as if he was waiting for your green light to proceed -in a sort of gesture to not disrespect your husband.

"It's messy, and dirty. This is the first time I've been here since he's been g—since he's dead ." That word leaves a bitter taste on your tongue, you probably will never get used to saying it out loud. "You can come in…" you open the windows, waiting for his steps to eacho in the room. When all that you receive back is silence, though, you gaze at him over your shoulder, confused.

There's an hesitant set in his tensed figure, eyes open wide. He looks so small and fragile he has your heart being squeezed in a tight grip. “Can - can I? Really ?”

You nod, standing on your spot to study his movements. Moonie moves beside you, nudging your leg before resting at your feet. 

Jungkook takes a few seconds before stepping in, and you find adorable the way he nods a little and clenches his hands into fists as if he had to give himself a bit of courage. He moves around cautiously, scrutinizing every inch of a place that screams 'Namjoon' in every corner. His eyes are round and big when they trail to the various paintings, his mouth shaped in a little 'O' of surprise. Then, he takes notice of the photographs, nears them like a force was dragging him from the collar of his shirt. He leans forward to take a closer look, lingers on your wedding dress as if you were the only remarkable work of art.

You'd expect him to make some nice comment about you, how beautiful you were with that type of dress on, with that hairstyle or make-up -all smiley and wrapped in that particular beauty that's typical of a brand-new wife. 

Instead, he says, "Your husband seems… gentle ."

You're surprised. And happy. The fact that his first impression of Namjoon revolves around kindness makes you all giddy inside.

"He was… " it's the first time you talk about him in the past. It makes your heart bleed and ache -but not as much you thought it would do. "He would have liked you a lot. I'm sure of it…" you deliver him a small smile, contemplating the rosy shade coloring his cheeks. "I kept his studio locked because I thought this would help me to forget about him… but I can't." You caress your wedding ring, feeling your lips trembling for what you're about to spill. "There were times I had only him in my mind, while being with you…"

Jungkook immediately straightens himself and drifts his broken stare to you, as if your confession just punched him in the stomach. The sparks floating in his eyes are trembling, shining wet -it's a gut-wrenching sight that makes you want to crawl out of your own skin and run away from here. 

You rack your brain frantically to search for a proper way to vocalize the turmoil whirling inside of you, but before you could exhale a small breath, Jungkook's voice scrapes the thin layer of air between you two. 

"(Y/N)... I—" his fingers grip at his eyebrow piercing. "I just wanted to fuck you, at first…" he admits, lowering his stare. “I thought… I thought you were pretty. I thought it’d be nice to, you know, have some casual sex? Like, nothing serious. Meeting up when we want, no strings attached… just a meaningless summer fling." He swallows thickly, shame breaks through the embarrassment dancing across his features. "I… I was attracted to you, that’s why I started talking to you… I'm an asshole. Not very mature of me…"

You caress your elbow, shaking your head. "You aren't… and it's not a matter of maturity." Your mind runs back to Seokjin, to all the bodies he wrapped around the sheets of his bed without the slightest intention to keep them close enough to get to know them better. It's normal… not all people search for love. Not all people want or need sentimental stability. "It might happen, being attracted to someone and not wanting anything more." You give him a reassuring smile but Jungkook casts a glance upon his feet anyway, as if he felt too guilty to be in your presence. 

In all honesty… it's heart wrenching to know that Jungkook approached you only to follow his sex drive toward you -which is something you've always sensed, deep down into you. But still, a thin voice inside of you tells you that this is probably a good way for you to stop caring so much about him. 

"But things changed…" he adds, caressing his tattooed arm. "I… when I told you that I was thinking about my life in two, lately, you were always on my mind. You're still on my mind, (Y/N)." He lets out a breath and it feels like his whole figure is getting lighter and lighter, as if he was finally getting rid of a huge weight. 

You scrutinize his face, searching for a trace of mockery. Genuine affection is all you find, though, it makes the ground beneath your feet crumble. "When did you—"

“When you went to Seoul to meet up with your friend…" he giggles. "I remember I felt sad the whole day because you weren't here. And - and I thought it wasn't about sex anymore. You… I feel so good when I'm with you. I can be myself and you'd never - never judge me." He takes a step closer to you. "And the next day we walked our dogs out and you laughed and you were happy. You were so happy. And I thought… it'd be nice to make you happy. I really want you to be happy, (Y/N).”He chews on his bottom lip, where the piercing runs around the flesh. "I know that ten years aren't few… but you were around my age when you met your husband. Why can't you give me a chance?"

Because it's different. Because Namjoon was around your age. Because Namjoon was your friend before being your lover. Because you'll arrive at a point where you'll want things that Jungkook won't be able to give you -and vice versa. 

These ten years that now seem so feeble in the summer that cocoons you in its warmth, soon will notch your story, making you understand how incompatible you are…

"It's different. Things started slowly between us, Namjoon knew me like the back of his hand. He knew all the embarrassing things about me, and he accepted them. You don't know anything about me. And when you'll find all my flaws, you'll leave ."

He scrunches his nose, amused. "Don't think I will." He takes another step closer. "I already discovered some of your flaws, but I want to stay anyway."

His brutal honesty frightens you. He's so ready to accept all of you that you don't even care about what these imperfections might be…

You only think that you must be brutally honest, too…

"Staying with you these months made me understand how much I still love Namjoon," you start, cautious, paying attention to not break him. "I… I still think he's here, with me. Every time I was having fun with you, I thought: Joonie would love this … and it made me so sad, because I know he won't be back. But, other times… you made me forget about him. And I hated you so much, those times…" you set your eyes on Jungkook, wide-eyed and parted lips. "That's why we can't stay together. I'm awful. And it's not fair to you. You deserve someone who stays with you and thinks only of you and—"

"It's ok, I don't care. We don't have to rush things—"

"Jungkook…" you call him, softly. "If Namjoon were here… I would have never noticed you ."

You said it.

You finally said it, the truth you were hiding from him. The fact that Namjoon's memory still lives inside of you, making it hard to focus on someone else's love… the fact that you can't hurt Jungkook's feelings. 

Jungkook stays still, silently metabolizing your admission. He swallows thickly, the corners of his mouth quirk up a little in a comprehensive smile. Without saying a word he walks out the room, sparing only one last glance at your wedding photograph. 

It tears you apart, the idea of breaking his heart in pieces; at the same time, you feel lighter now that you've told him everything. You can't lie anymore… you can't stay with Jungkook in this way. It wouldn't be fair to him…

You caress Moonie and gently guide him outside the room, ready to fully embrace the solitude. You close the windows and give one long look around, imprinting in your mind all that comes to sight -aware that you'll close the studio door forever. However, when you walk outside, your heart drops into your stomach and lands on a flock of butterflies when you notice that Jungkook is still here, standing still in your living room.

He chews on his bottom lip, lets out a breath. Then, he smiles. "I'm staying anyway…" 

Your eyes grow so wide they hurt. You squeeze them shut and the first hint of tears lays upon your lashes. You hear his soft footsteps come closer, your heart flickers at every inch that breaks under his feet. Your eyelids flutter up slowly when silence wraps you, taking notice of Jungkook's toes grazing your own. You lift your head up to stare at him, unable to express your thoughts. 

"I don't want to replace Namjoon's memory…" Jungkook's words are soft -they are a gentle caress on your face, now reduced to a tensed mask of panic. "I just - just want to build something new with you." He grabs your hand, he stares at your wedding ring with delicacy. "I want to stay. I'm not going to leave, (Y/N)." 

You gasp once… twice… thrice… 

You cover your face with your free hand, tears stream down your face. You sob heavily, your body quivers and Jungkook is ready to cage you in a warm embrace.

"I miss him so much. It's not fair. We had to do many things together, we—" you cling at his shoulders, your fingers curl tight around the cotton fabric of his shirt. "I miss him so much…"

"Shh… it's all ok," Jungkook mumbles, running a hand into your hair, "Everything's gonna be ok, (Y/N)."

Oh… they told it so many times you stopped believing in it.

Bur for a very brief instant… you want to believe him. 

  "When you leave, weary of me, without a word I shall gently let you go"

  There's a Hibiscus at the center of your table, resting on top of a piece of paper folded in two. 

It's pink with some red spots in the inner part, endowed with a simple beauty that makes your heart throb frantically inside your chest -especially if you think of the reason behind its presence here: Jungkook said that he isn't good with poems, so he's going to give you a flower every morning from now on (because they're pretty and you're pretty). 

(Namjoon told you that Hibiscus is a symbol of integrity and indomitable spirit, because every time a flower falls, a new one will bloom again. You don't know if Jungkook is aware of this small anecdote, but you find it funny that he specifically picked this flower among many others -because it seems to perfectly describe your current situation). 

Jungkook also said that such a trivial present won't probably be as stunning as receiving a poem that could help him to put down in words the importance of your presence in his existence, but the first Golden bell stem he handed to you the morning after the "studio accident" had you thinking about destiny, the magnificence of it, and how you feel lucky that he happened to be a part of your little microcosmo.  

Your fingers gently caress the smooth petals, graze the zig-zagged borders -in the same way they sketched Jungkook's abdominals last night, while you two were basking in your post-orgasm dizziness. Your pointer glides down the green stem, the corners of your mouth feebly pull up as you imagine him fucking you slowly (slower than usual) -stare engulfed into your own the whole time, fingers intertwined till the end. 

Caught up in your reverie, you grab the paper Jungkook probably left before leaving, and the crescent adorning your mouth gets even brighter when you notice the various little drawings scattered throughout the page (a tiny smiley sun; an adorable bunny; a flower) before focusing on the brief message he wrote in a rush:

Tae arrived, gotta prepare the last things You were sleeping so well See you later

… And the smile on your lips slowly flips off your face, as you finally sink once again back down into reality. 

Today, Jungkook is leaving.

After postponing his trip to Jeju only to spend some more time with you, he's finally packing his belongings to go away with his friends. The past seven days rolled by whisper-quick, to the point that you often wished for time to be something concrete that you could control to your liking only to stop it and indulge in his presence a little longer. 

Jungkook has been… delicate. And caring. 

He hasn't been invasive, he's been respectful about your need of time and space in order to fully accept him in your daily routine. His kisses have been soft goodnights brushed against your lips while standing on the doorframe; his pecks have been drowsy good mornings tasting of milk and biscuits. His strokes have been gentle touches skimming over your skin as if it was your first time together. His shoulders have been a good sustain when you felt the urge to talk about Namjoon, trying to let go of the scorching feelings you feel for him. He perfectly blended with your day-by-day life without overdoing or forcing himself -like he was meant to sit between Yoongi and Seokjin while you were taking a drink at the local pub (his soft giggle reverberating through the chaotic room and seeping through your chest for your friends little quarrells). Like he was meant to hold your hand tight when you wished Seokjin good luck for his new journey in Incheon, between hugs and sobs and laughter. 

It's been like starting a new page of your life, having Jungkook here with you, tenderly—!

Moonie's sudden yelp breaks through your consciousness, distracting you from your whirling thoughts. You gaze over your shoulder, catching him scratching his paws against the door,  begging you to take him out.

You turn, putting the paper beside the flower. You grab the bag you prepared after breakfast and tighten it against your chest, mustering all the courage you need to face this moment. 

The time to let Jungkook go has finally come, and you can't do anything to avoid it…

In all honesty, you don't feel like meeting him while he's taking care of the last things for the trip. It would be definitively better for your heart if he'd show up here at the very last minute, telling you that he's ready to leave, that he can't stay here any longer because he's already late -in this way, there won't be any second left for the pair of you to share anything important, or to make any promise regarding your mutual future. 

He'd just give you a quick kiss before jumping on his friend's van, forgetting about you as soon as the door car would slam. It would be easier, like this, to deal with the sorrow…

However, a part of you wants to see him one last time and wish him goodbye properly -even if this means to spend the rest of your days suspended in a limbo, replaying in your head the last moment you shared over and over, waiting, wondering if he'll ever be back. 

You caress the top of Moonie's head, smiling. "C'mon, Moonie. Let's get out for a bit…" 

Your dog sneaks into the breach as soon as you open the door, running toward the street without waiting for you. He diligently halts his own run before crossing it, staring at you with his big eyes and tongue dangling. 

You stroke his muzzle before proceeding toward Jungkook's house, feeling your heart dropping in your stomach as soon as you take notice of his friend's van -already loaded with some boxes and luggages. There's a force that impedes you to come closer when you see Bam scamper outside the entrance, barking in your direction to catch Moonie's attention. Forgetful of you, your dog dashes toward the other puppy, and you find yourself standing still, as if you were waiting for the right time to dash back home, unnoticed. 

A few seconds later, a guy with brownish hair a bit longer on the sides walks out the house with hands jammed inside his trousers, sparing a glance behind his back to talk with… Jungkook. 

Jungkook with his usual baggy clothes. Jungkook with a little pout hanging on his bottom lip. Jungkook with his gaze fixed to the ground, unbothered about the surrounding world…

Jungkook…

You fold your arms around your waist, unable to move a finger to reveal your presence. Watching them together makes you suddenly feel out of place -wrapped in your thirty three years. With a wedding ring wrapped around your finger that weighs a lot. 

"Oh… Bam, did you find a new friend?" The tall guy comments, casting his glistening eyes upon Moonie. He crouches down on his calves to observe your dog, flashing him a beaming smile when he doesn't wriggle away from his strokes. "Jungkookie, look who we have here!" 

Jungkook lifts his stare up in his friend's direction, and his whole expression brightens up when he takes in the sight of Moonie. His lips unfurl into an excited crescent, gaze flickering all around to search for you; and when he finally spots you, still at a distance, he becomes… luminescent . As if happiness just washed him from head to toes. 

And you suddenly don't feel out of place anymore…

"Aw, you're so nice… do you think—Jungkookie!" The boy flinches for a sudden thud noise coming from behind his back  Goggle-eyed, he turns toward Jungkook, only to find the box tossed on the ground. 

"(Y/N)!" Jungkook greets you brightly while running toward you.

"Hey, good morning—oh!" Your quivering words fade into Jungkook's arms, now twirled around you in a tight grip. Your muscles tense all at once for his unexpected gesture, but you relax in his embrace when he exhales on of his usual mouth-sounds (one of those he lets out when he's particularly euphoric). "Hi to you too…" you say, playfully. 

Jungkook lets out a giggle. "Hi…" his tattooed hand glides up along your nape, meanders through your hair and rests on the back of your head, pulling you closer for your cheek to adhere more against him. "Sorry for not waking you up. You were sleeping so well - well," he mumbles, inching away as if you were going on fire. "I wasn't leavening - leaving without greeting you! I'd never do it, mh." Guilt drools from his words, tumbling off his mouth in a rush. A bit stuttering. In a way that makes it harder to let him go. 

"I know…" you reassure him, caressing his tattooed arm. You take in the sight of the inked drawings, becoming hyperaware of the fact that you can exactly put them into their right place by heart. "Thanks for the flower. It's beautiful." You go back to staring back at him, sinking in his big doe eyes that exude joy. 

"I'll give you many more when I'll be back. You know, to make up for these two weeks," he comments, seriously, like he meant every single word.

Like he really means to come back…

You swallow thickly, unable to recover from the importance of his statement -because deep inside of you, you can't believe that Jungkook will indeed choose you when his trip will be over. I mean… a part of you knows that he'll meet someone who'll make him go crazy and will make him forget that once he wanted to spend his days with an older woman in a village nestled between mountains…

You shake your head a little, swiping away your doubts. You can't let your fears ruin this (last) moment. 

“I brought you some snacks for the trip. Actually, Yoongi contributed too…" you lift the bag up, admiring the sweet curve of his smile. You catch a small breath, paying attention to swallow back the wobble in your voice. “Did you bring everything?”

He nods, reluctantly pulling you out of his hug. He grabs the bag, studying the various rice cakes, snacks, and packages of banana milk contained inside. "Thanks…" the euphoria that was dancing along his features a few seconds ago is replaced by a sad expression that has your guts twisting. "You're still on time to come with us…" he starts, gazing at your dogs. "My friends say that it's ok if you join us. It'd be nice - nice…"

His request is a barely whispered hush that hits your face, in the same powerful way it punched you the first time he made you this suggestion a few nights ago, while you were taking a stroll around the village (hand in hand. Unbothered about the curious glances of the people who live here and will for sure spread random rumors about you and the-new-boy). And, just like that time, the frantic beating of your heart spreads throughout every inch of you -a nice sensation that you weren't feeling for a year and a half now. 

But, despite the excitement, you can't accept it. Jungkook needs to have his own time and space -you can't be a constant in his plans…

You shake your head, scrutinizing the small pout on his lips. “It’s something yours, enjoy your time with your friends." You chuckle, brushing your thumb over your wedding ring. "It’s not like I’m going anywhere, anyway.” 

It's not like you're going to forget him… 

Jungkook exhales some air through his nose. "Two weeks aren't few…" he casts a glance upon you, resolute. "I'm going to take you somewhere nice - nice when I come back."

“ If you want to come back.”

“I will.” He gazes up at the sky, thoughtful. "I think I’ll accidentally forget some things at home, which means that I'll have to come back here to bring them. And, ops , I bet I also forgot something at your place. By mistake, of course.” He leans forward, looking at you through his lashes. “I told you I’m going to try my best…" 

This is all you need to let yourself go for a moment that lasts a heartbeat. 

You gasp once, breathing in his good scent of shampoo and softener, feeling his lips pressing against your own in an urgent touch. Your stomach twists when Jungkook rests his hands on your hips, pulling you closer. You're on the cusp of tilting your head to the side to indulge more into this sweet bracket when a sudden bark makes you pull away. 

"Bam, hi…" you mumble, noticing the dog now scampering beside you. You let out a chuckle when he straightens himself to rest his paws on your thigh, in desperate need of cuddles, and your heart melts when Jungkook takes advantage of your distraction to place a long kiss on your cheekbone. "Well, I think it's time…" you brush your thumb on the soft area under his eye, studying his downcast expression. "Have fun, mh?" 

His hand runs to grip at your wrist. He presses the thumb on the area full of veins -you're pretty sure he can feel the thumping sound of your beat. "(Y/N), ahm… there's something I want to tell you before going." A ruby hue tinges the tip of his ears. "I - I think that I, for you, I—"

"Jungkookie in love… " a low voice coming from behind him interrupts whatever he was about to tell you, leaving you hanging with curiosity. His friend rests against the van, smirking. 

"Tae…" Jungkook mutters, darting him an annoyed glance. 

"I knew this little holiday would do you good." His long eyes grow wider when he spots you, looking at him in confusion. "Ah, sorry, didn't want to interrupt you! I'm Taehyung, by the way." He bows a little, raising a hand to greet you. "You must be (Y/N) Noona. It's so nice to meet you, Jungkookie never stopped talking about you."

"Oh!"

"He also said something about you and a terrible wallpaper ." 

"Ah…" Shame colors your cheekbones in a warm shade. "I thought this had to be our little secret, " you say, amused. 

"I probably said it by - by mistake." Jungkook scrapes his nape, giggling. "It was really awful, though. You were right." 

"You were, don't worry. Our Jungkookie did an incredible job with this house. It's… something else entirely." Taehyung casts a long glance upon you before catching a breath, giving you a smile. "Well, I'm taking care of the last things. Just, don't take too long, Jungkookie. Jimin is waiting for us." He comes closer to grab the paper bag in Jungkook's hands and put it inside the van before heading toward the house. "It's been a pleasure to meet you, noona . Hope to see you again."

"Yeah, me too…" you look at his retracting figure, going back to focusing on Jungkook when his friend disappears inside the house. You give one last stroke to Bam before letting him run toward Moonie, who sits beside the van. "So… what did you want to tell me earlier?"

Jungkook stares at you wide-eyed, as if you'd just snapped him back down to earth. He shakes his head vigorously, his hair flutters over his forehead. "I'll tell you when I'll be back…" he smiles a little. "It seems I have another good reason to come back here…"

You rest your hands on his chest, scrutinizing the tiny mole on his neck. You run your pointer over it, Jungkook places a long kiss on your forehead. 

"Listen, remember what I told you?" The liquid sparks in your eyes shake when you trail your stare back to his face, which is a mask of gloom that squeezes your heart in a tight, painful grip. "If you meet a nice girl—”

“I can do whatever I want, I know. But I won’t. I won't…" he rests his hands on top of your own, presses the one of the left portion of his chest to make you feel the frantic beat of his heart. "The woman I like is here… she's a good reason to come back and stay .”

  You don’t know if Jungkook will keep his promise. 

In the abyss of your chest, a thin malicious voice tells you that he won't. His words are just a way to close on a sweet note the summer bracket you shared. Breathing in a bit of him as he slowly kisses you (his hands cupping your face, your hands on top of his own), you know how things will go in the upcoming two weeks: he'll meet a nice girl, someone around his age; they’ll have fun, she'll make him open his eyes about all the possibilities he's going to throw away if he decides to waste his life on a remote town that can't offer him anything… and he’ll forget that he had sex for almost two months with a woman ten years older than him who once loved a man with every fiber of her being and broke his heart too many times.  

But Jungkook sits on the backseat of the van, stroking Bam's head. Then, all of a sudden -just when you thought that he's ready to let you go, he turns, crossing his arms on the backrest. He pins his eyes on your figure, standing still on the spot where he left you, beside Moonie. He waves his hand in your direction, and smiles. Brightly. And mouths something that you can't catch -but it reaches his eyes and it cuddles your heart. He stays in this exact position until you become a distant dot with mountains rising high up above in the horizon, cloacked in a summer that's drawing to a close. 

And something (something akin to the affection that has Namjoon's name) tells you that there's still hope…

You take a long, deep breath, fingers dashing to caress your wedding ring. And you smile. 

After four months…

After a year and a half… 

The motionless quietness of the village shattered on a chill morning of April (on a warm morning of June) finally comes back to normal.

[failaise]

the holidays are around the corner...🎁

🎄 my gift to all of you lovely 4988 companions is this; 

🎄 submit any idea for a short or long story relating to the Holidays! As I only celebrate Christmas and have an agnostic faith, many of my stories surround this or the lack of a holiday mentioned. If you would like a story with your holiday specific to you, please let me know so that I can educate myself on such and not offend anybody with my writings! 

🎄 as a reminder, I write for the following: BTS, Monsta X, Got7, EXO, Seventeen, Red Velvet, and Twice

🎄 happy holidays!  ❄️ 💕 🎁