#Judith Lamb

[huariqueje]

Bowl of Pumpkins with Leek and Oak Branch - Judith Lamb

American, b. 1950s -

Oil on board, 18 x 24 in.

[mscoyditch]

"Broken Yellow Vase with Berries".

By Judith Lamb. American. b. 1950's

> Huariqueje.Tumblr

[ticklyfluffstuff]

The nerve of some snoopy followers

[es-oh-bfo-em]

[tenderloincherub]

Rosario Castellanos, Judith

[celestialsymbiosis]

Love and Mercy p.1 - Rick Grimes x reader

I know it's October.

But here's a little something on the group's first winter in Alexandria:

u_u

“What’re you doin’?”

Rick’s voice is heavy with sleep, quiet but enough to break the silence in the house as he shuffles closer to where you’re kneeling. You don’t need to see him to know he’s got that almost permanently etched frown on, the soft dip between his eyebrows. 

You tilt your head up in greeting, focused on your task, skillfully wrapping items with old newspapers you’d found on a run earlier that week. “Nothing,” you mumble, as if it were enough, your fingers pressing down on the paper with a sleepy determination. You hunch over them to shade from Rick’s view. “Go away.”

Rick hums, depositing himself onto the couch. “No. Missed you in bed. Don’t think I don’t know you’ve been sneaking away from me. I’m onto you.”

“You’re not onto shit,” you reply, hands splayed over your projects. 

“Hey,” he lilts, nudging your back with his knee. “What is it?”

There’s a soft noise you release at that, something like annoyance. “Can’t say. It’s not time yet.”

“Time for what?”

You groan, turning around to put your chin up on his knee, looking up at him. “Christmas.”

“You’re still on that?” Rick’s eye twitches a little.

It had been a few weeks ago when the cool air starting breezing through Alexandria. With Winter on the brink and the group relatively settled and sheltered for the first time in years, you’d off-handedly mentioned the season’s festivities. 

Rick hadn’t been too keen on it however. He was everything but settled into the new Alexandrian lifestyle you had found easy to slip into. On edge and restless, as if the universe would detect his comfort and throw it’s next disaster his way. He’d informed the rest of you all, with a hand poised on his belt and fingers itching for the Colt Python Deanna had stored away. Be ready, we can’t let our guard down. 

That may have been weeks ago, but Rick never truly looked comfortable here even now- though you’re not sure he ever did. So between his stubbornness, the fact that Judith hadn’t ever celebrated a holiday, and your proclivity to do first and ask for forgiveness later, you were set on doing something small for the kids at the very least. 

Something to finally look forward to. 

You had gone to Deanna first, telling her of your plans to bring some cheer for Carl and Jude. Her eyes sparkled in that way they seemed to do when she was inspired by something so normal- but she sadly revealed they really did not pack shiny wrapping paper in the community. You weren’t derailed however. 

Any time you were on the run, you tried grabbing things the family would’ve enjoyed that would be painfully human. Glenn laughed when you handed him a new baseball cap, Tara nodded appraisingly at the palm tree snow globe, shaking it around aggressively to see the tiny white flakes swim around. 

So, you had immediately pushed the few issues you’d found of Y: The Last Man for Carl inside your backpack. The stuffed lamb you came across would need to be cleaned and fluffed, but it had made the cut for Judith’s gift. 

Rick noticed when you started crumpling newspapers into your bag, though, raising an eyebrow. 

“Figured we could do something for the kids,” you had said, moving to the next aisle to get some actual supplies too. 

“For what?” Rick’s gruff voice intoned, a hint of a warning behind it. You weren’t quite sure why he even had an issue with the idea of a gift-giving celebration; it’s not like the rest of you haven’t passed items to each other before. 

Kneeling in front of him now, the soft sound of snow pattering down outside and the hum of one of Deanna’s heaters, you nose at his knee. 

“Baby, you gotta- can you relax?” you say a little exasperatedly. “I cannot believe this is even a conversation we need to have when we literally deal with the dead. Is this like, Christmas related trauma or something that I need to be aware of?”

Rick rolls his eyes. “No.”

“Then what’s your damage?”

He scratches his arm, looking at the gifts you’ve wrapped with a suddenly weary sigh. “No damage.”

You tilt your head up at him curiously, tapping his hand to pull him out. 

“I just don’t want…” he groans softly, looking down at you before tangling a hand in your hair. “I don’t want to give them hope so soon. We don’t know how well these walls are gonna hold up when a hoard comes by. We don’t know if this community will survive anything yet. I don’t want to give Carl and Judith this and then have to take it away again.”

When you continue to just stare at him impassively, he nods with a huff, leaning back further back into the couch. “I know, I know,” he waves his hand vaguely. “Trust me- I can hear myself too.”

“So you’re aware that you’re being… difficult?” You choose your words carefully. Rick must find it amusing at the very least because he smiles almost sheepishly. “They need to know there’s more to life than everything we’ve gone through. You’re not taking anything from them. You can give them these moments, the time to just be children.”

“I’d just… feel bad if anything happened. ” 

You hum, his baby blue eyes glazed over with some far away memory for a mere second before they focus back on you. “Everyone’s okay, Rick. We’re all okay here. You don’t need to be so on all the time anymore,” you drop a kiss on his knee. “You’ve done so much for us already. Just- slow down.”

He considers this, considers what you’re saying to him. “A day,” he concedes. “I can slow down for a day. Only tomorrow.”

You let out a startled laugh. “So you’re declaring Christmas to be tomorrow? You’re just choosing?”

“Yes,” he nods once, rubbing his jaw like it’s a hard decision to make. “You get your day, and then I want you with me to assess the barricades. I can’t do it alone.”

You nod easily. “I’ll need help on the decorations. We don’t have much,” you gesture at the crinkled paper and frail twine on the ground. “Don’t suppose we can cut a small tree down with your hatchet?”

“I’ll figure out your decorations, just-“ he beckons you forward, pulling you up easily to straddle his lap, “come here for now.” 

------

Title's from the Gazelle version of Love and Mercy that plays in the show!

part 2 is nsfw and posted here!

and all together on ao3.

[koruga]

I read Gideon the Ninth on the flight home from Texas and I thought it was pretty good, but I did take vague notes while on the plane because I thought it was fun, mostly on the names. After reading to the end I realised there was a whole section talking about it, but I had my oooown thoughts upon just reading the roll call at the beginning, so. Yah here.

Protesilaus -- first guy who died on the shores of Troy, so presumably the first to die here?

Palamedes -- able to trick Odysseus into going to Troy. Tricks people here? Does eventually get betrayed by Odysseus over this, so does this guy also get fucked over

Dulcinea -- did not exist in Don Quixote. Does not exist here?

Isaac -- sacrificial lamb, maybe gets saved by his dad/God/whatever

Priamhark -- Priam? I mean this guy is Harrow's dad so that makes sense

Naberius -- marquis in the Ars Goetia. I've made an OC of this guy, so demonic in some way? Also based on Cerberus from Greek myth, so possibly a connection

Ianthe -- this is an Oceanid. Is this Ianthe a watery person

Houses -- so I know from osmosis that the Ninth House is Pluto, and the First is Eeeeeaaaarth? So presumably it's based on when they colonised them, but weh wah? I think the Second House might be Mars, they're pretty warlike. Gas giants though so did they colonise the moons? One of them is the princess of Ida which is the mountain Ganymede got snatched off of. Relevance???

Judith -- Judith slaying Holofernes. I hope this woman gets to cut a head off

There's a bunch of Greek stuff here and I know some of it's gotta be relevant but it's also mixed in with Biblical stuff which I know less about. I wanna know if there's an Odysseus or a Penelope I gotta know

Anyway having read the whole thing it's fun seeing which of my squirming thoughts were right and which were wrong, and which were wrong but also right, and which were right but also wrong. I'm pretty sure some of the names were also references to other epics that I just haven't read -- Magnus comes to mind, I know it's a name with importance but I can't grab at anything specific. Also I can't check the book again because it was a library book and I've already returned it. Womp womp.

[rheaswrath]

Medea - Euripides; 2.Jennifer's Body; 3. Sharp Objects - Gillian Flynn; 4.Euphoria s2; 5. Stoker; 6.Pearl; 7. The Orestea -  Aeschylus (transl. Anne Carson); 8. Game of Thrones s1; 9.The Other Lamb (2019); 10. Seven Devils - Florence and the Machine; 11.Judith Beheading Holofernes; 12.Promising Young Woman (2020); 13.House of the Dragon s1; 14.Dream Girl Evil - Florence and the Machine; 15.Crimson Peak (2015); 16. An Allegory of Venus and Cupid - Agnolo Bronzino; 17. Ptolemea - Ethel Cain; 18.Jael and Sisera -Artemisia Gentileschi; 19. The Second Sex - Simon de Beauvoir; 20. Judith with the Head of Holofernes - Cristofano Allori (Palazzo Pitti, Florence version)

[kisskissbanggang]

Disavowed - pt. 2

[5.5k Words/20min. Read - Priest!Chris x Reader - NSFW/Smut - Church, Your Mind is Playing Tricks on You, Confrontations, Something Feels Off, Catholic Guilt, Priest Kink, Semi-Public Sex, Truck Sex, I Swear This is a Halloween Series]

[a/n: finally time to get halloween cranked up to speed 💕 ty to @magicficwriting and @therhythmafterthesummer for beta reading 💗]

[Part 1 | Come Say Hi!]

It felt forbidden to be in a room full of people and be the only one to know that Christopher, Father Bang, was a disgusting hypocrite. 

The day of your realization had been Sunday, obviously. It was now Thursday, after school, and you were all crowded into the modest boardroom next door to the faculty lounge of Pinewood Falls Prep. The walls were probably supposed to be white, if it weren’t for decades of wear and cigarette smoke. Even if the smell didn’t persist, the resulting hue of curdled cream lingered.

“So that settles it. It is generous of you to step up, dear… Dear?”

An elbow gently dug into your own at the conference table. You were so distracted. 

Your gaze swung to your side to identify who just nudged you, when you recalled that Jisung was the one who so politely saved you a seat. Reverend Han, you had learned, was the other young man that helped Father James serve mass alongside Chris.

That creep.

Chris, that is. Not Jisung… although you had to admit that you weren’t exactly in love with how polite the deacon was. 

“Dear…?”

You finally snapped out of your brooding then, finding Sister Judith rolling her eyes at the front of the room.

“Poor lamb must be sleeping with her eyes open,” Father James chuckled. To your chagrin, Chris laughed along. You wanted to shout it out at the whole room right then, just what a liar and a fraud the deceptively handsome priest was.

“I was saying,” Sister Judith reiterated, “that I know there’s a litany of work left in the wake of Jacqueline’s sudden departure, but that it’s generous of you to volunteer and step up to take it on, dear.”

“I did…?” you murmured out loud, stricken with disbelief. Jisung patiently nodded to confirm it for you.

To say that Sister Judith’s assistant left suddenly was an understatement. When you arrived at work early on Monday morning, her desk behind yours, in front of the Sister’s office, was empty. Every notepad, pen, and paperclip was gone, as if no one had ever occupied the space in the first place. Sister Judith wouldn’t tell you why Jacqueline left, but you supposed it was none of your business. At the beginning of today’s meeting, Father James had simply said it was a shame, but you were surprised that no one at all seemed to particularly care that the young woman had vanished so abruptly.

“You won’t take on everything, of course,” Sister Judith clarified. “You’ll be taking care of Jacqueline’s filing duties and backing up the receptionist when Roberta is unavailable. That’s all.”

“What about the lunchtime study group in the library?” Jisung suddenly asked. “Jacqueline was running it.”

“You can take that on if you have the time, Reverend,” suggested Sister Judith.

Jisung slouched back in his chair, as though he suddenly regretted saying anything in the first place. “Oh, uh,” he scrambled shyly, “that’s no problem, I guess. I just don’t know if the kids will take a liking to me–”

“Not like Christopher, you mean,” Father James laughed heartily, clapping a hand on the priest’s shoulder. “They practically flock to him.”

Chris humbly waved him off. “I hardly have anything worthwhile to teach; it’s just gym,” he denied. “I make myself available; that’s all. You have plenty to teach! Make yourself available, Jisung, and they’ll flock to you, too.”

The staff all but fawned over the platitude. Your pen’s barrel creaked in your hand, you were so close to snapping it in half. That pretty boy golden child had everyone wrapped around his little finger and it made you livid.

You left the staff meeting in a daze, trying to figure out why on Earth Chris refused to acknowledge you with any ounce of recognition. The whole ordeal felt like he was taunting you, and it was on the verge of working. There was no way it wasn’t him that you’d slept with. You remembered far too much of the whole night.

Maybe it was because your pride was admittedly hurt. You weren’t typically one for one-night stands like the one you were positive you engaged in, but the idea had intrigued you enough to want it. Now it just felt like you were being punished, some cosmic joke at your expense because you acted on your desires for once and now you couldn’t get it out of your head.

Indeed, even though you’d gone to your interview and mass with only an inkling of what exactly had transpired on Friday night, that fuzzy recollection had since turned high definition and was currently blasting at full volume in a maddening loop in your head. You had tried a divey little bar in Briar Bay, only a thirty minute drive away. There were no bars in Pinewood Falls from what you could tell, so the short trip seemed worth it. The bar had been a dank hole in the wall, a cozy hangout popular with the boat crews and mussel farmers that worked the bay. You’d noticed Chris before he ever saw you. He wasn’t wearing his clerical collar that night, obviously. Instead, you were drawn to this man sitting alone at a table in the corner, with the brim of his baseball cap pulled low over his eyes. You had left him alone and minded your own business at the bar…

Until a beer appeared in front of you before you could even start a tab. The bartender pointed at the sender.

Right at Chris.

Here, now, today, you were feeling self-conscious and self-righteous all at once while you grabbed your bag from where you’d stowed it in your desk, back in the main office. It had been a long day of school, and the weekly staff meeting made this one feel even longer. Chris had shared one single flash of recognition with you at mass on Sunday, but never again in the days since. He had to be too ashamed, you were positive. Grouchy was an understatement for how you were feeling. You were on edge. All week, you strained to make pointed eye contact with this man, see if you could catch him replicating that explicitly guilty glint in his eye that he had during church, and he was staunchly refusing.

Even over dinner, you drifted, like a wraith, into the dining room of the boarding house and barely paid attention to your perfectly charming and sweet housemates. Seungmin and one of your fellow boarders, Felix, had worked so hard on making a gorgeous dinner, but you were so plainly pissed to the point that you couldn’t properly taste food. The worst part, honestly, was that you weren’t solely thinking of outing this disgusting man.

You were plagued by how much you couldn’t stop thinking of your night together. Not only were you burdened with this miserable secret, but you were the only one who knew what this man looked like under his clothes, the way he acted in bed. He was horrendously attractive. He was regretfully skilled. Those juvenile little hickeys he left all over you took days to vanish. In fact, most of them finally faded just the previous morning–something you’d never experienced before. The longest a love bite had ever stuck around on your skin was maybe three, four days, but five felt like a ridiculously long time. It was only adding to the way you couldn’t get the picture of Chris’ bare chest or carved hips out of your head, couldn’t shake the feeling of his soft lips or his rough stubble. 

One stupid hickey remained–angry and red and framed with teeth marks–right between your cleavage. More like a bite than anything.

This was going on far too long. 

It was Friday. Your housemates probably thought you were sick in the head. They’d been so cordial and polite, trying as much as they reasonably could to get you to open up and share a little, maybe unload some of the burden you were clearly carrying. The previous week, before you’d ever slept with Chris by accident, you were gladly chatting and helping with housework, staying up late to wash dishes with the boys and sip iced tea on the porch, wrapped up in sweaters when the breeze picked up.

You almost felt ill. More than the guilt, more than the shame, more than the way you were convinced everyone knew you were complicit in Father Chris’ sin, you hated that you wanted to be right. The way he ignored you was too practiced, too aloof. What hurt more than him not showing any guilt was him not even showing any hint of knowing you existed in any capacity outside of school. You tried like hell to keep your head down, get your work done, try to confront the pile of Jacqueline’s filing left unfinished.

It was the damned filing that did you in, ultimately. An approved stack of staff schedules now sat at the top of the pile, unearthed after you made some progress in your fastidious sorting and storing. Fr. Bang, Christopher was staring right at you, begging you to glance at the piece of paper. Planning: 2nd Period.

You wished you would move on and let it go, but you peeked at the clock on the wall. It was almost a quarter after 9 o’clock. There was plenty of time. 

You would do it.

No, you wouldn’t. You would work through the mountain of filing.

Yes, you would. You would confront this asshole once and for all and get him to admit that he recognized you, that he was disgusting and immoral.

The hallway was crushingly empty as you walked to the gym. Your shoes clicked loud on the aged linoleum floor. It was disarming, being this hyper-aware and critical of your own actions. Something resembling embarrassment clung to you like static.

Why were you so obsessed with doing this?

Walking into the gym, you almost chickened out when you found it empty, even though that was the entire point of catching him during his planning period in the first place. You scanned the basketball court and the stands extended from the wall, finding no sign of life and abashedly turning right back around to leave.

“Wait, I’m here!” rang out a voice behind you. “Can I help you with something?”

You warily turned back to face the voice, finding it to belong to no other than Father Chris. 

He smiled softly, kindly attempting to keep you from running off. “That’s right,” he nodded with recollection. Your gut twisted. “You’re the new office manager, right?”

That was it. This was your breaking point. “You’re kidding, right?” you scoffed. Chris’ eyes widened in bewilderment.

“I’m… what?” he asked. “Are you alright, dear?” He stepped closer, and flinched when you smacked away his outstretched hand.

“That’s rich!” you cackled. “How long are you going to keep lying? How long until you stop pretending you don't know me?”

Chris shook his head in confusion. “I’m sorry, dear,” he said. “What are you telling me? I’m afraid I don’t understand–”

“Seriously?!” you balked. “You’re going to act like we’ve never met?!”

“We met before?” the priest blinked at you, maybe even a little bashful. Flattered, even. “Maybe in a dream, but I don’t think so.”

You huffed so hard, so affronted by the response, that it could’ve been mistaken for smoke spilling out of you. “That is some nerve you have, asshole–”

“Hey,” Chris said sternly. “Calm down.”

And you did. God, you hated that you did. Worse yet, you weren’t even sure why you calmed down at all. The energy from your outburst was simply sapped out of you in its entirety.

“Do you want to talk?” Father Chris offered. “It seems you have a lot on your mind.”

Unsure what else to do, you indignantly folded your arms. “Fine. Yes. I’d like to talk.”

He nodded seriously. “Okay, I’ll be more than glad to. I have a meeting about a baptism here in ten minutes, but how about tonight? Somewhere we can have some privacy.”

“Oh? And where’s that?” you impatiently asked. If he suggested the Trawler, you’d scream right there and then.

“I live in Briar Bay for a couple more weeks,” he explained. As if you didn’t already know this. As if he didn’t tell you on Friday night. “How about Reflections? It’s a nice little cafe I like.”

You shifted your weight from one foot to the other, unsure. All the energy you originally had to pursue this issue was gone, vanished and leaving a vacuum in its wake that made it difficult to proceed. However, the idea of getting that confession was still too sweet.

“Fine,” you agreed, almost defiant, like you weren’t giving him exactly what he wanted. “Okay.”

╚⊶⊶⊶⊶⊶✞⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷╝

Not okay. 

The worst part of Briar Bay being a “short” 30-minute drive away meant that every five minutes, you were wondering what the hell you were hoping to achieve. What, Chris would admit what he did and you would be satisfied? You would simply leave? Were you going to turn him in and humiliate him, really punish him for being so terrible? What exactly did you want here?

And still you were thinking about how gorgeous he was in bed. This still weirded you out. You explicitly recalled hardly being able to remember anything during your interview with Sister Judith earlier that week, but days later and now you could perfectly recall the cute way he scrunched his eyes shut when he climaxed? That queasy feeling settled in your gut again. By the time you turned off the small highway into Briar Bay, you almost felt feverish. Nauseous and everything. You were nervous trying to pick out each business. The Trawler passed by on your left down the main road, but finally you caught it. Reflections was apparently a sweet little coffee shop at the end of the main street, the last business next to the main route down to the bay. And out front, sipping from a paper cup in a cardboard sleeve on the patio? 

Father Chris had the audacity to be the picture of serenity. His shitty powder blue truck was parked out front. He was dressed in a casual pair of jeans and a sweater. A ball cap was pushed low over his brow, just like the week before. 

Fucking creep.

You nervously pinched at the hem of your top. In a move of pure desperation to hold any power you had left, you put on the exact outfit you’d been wearing Friday night last week. A crop top of reasonable length, a belted pair of cute jeans, some casual sneakers, and a cardigan because it was getting a bit chilly out. You weren’t totally sure what you were looking to get here, but maybe this would be the element that finally got that look of recollection you were so hungry for.

As you should’ve predicted, he wasn’t even outwardly excited to see you when you approached. Just a glance and a soft smile before he motioned to the chair across from him. You stiffly took a seat, when Chris pointed out toward the cliffs looking over the bay, up the hill from the cafe. “So you’re new, right? You just moved to town?”

He waited patiently until you silently nodded before continuing. “That’s Barrett Bluffs. There used to be a church there until it burnt down a hundred years ago. I just noticed that there’s actually a square patch of dirt up there. Maybe it really did burn down, except the story is it spontaneously combusted. The local kids used to dare each other to look over the edge.”

“Why?” you asked, attempting to remain nonplussed. 

Chris laughed into his drink. “I guess there’s a cave on the cliff face or something. The local legend is that a vengeful spirit lives in it. I dunno. Kids are wild.”

“Yeah,” you nodded, distant while your gaze was still fixed on the square patch of earth at the top of the bluff. “They’re pretty imaginative.”

“What’d you want to talk about?” he suddenly asked. You snapped out of it.

“I just don’t understand why you’re pretending you don’t remember me,” you simply stated.

Chris shrugged helplessly. “Because I don’t? Would you like me to get you something? Their chai here is delicious.”

You felt like your face was about to crack into a thousand tiny pieces. Every single option ran through your mind at once, tripping over each other. Really, you could argue this some more, or just leave it alone… but you did neither of these things. Instead, you got out of your chair and simply walked back up the street. Chris hopped to his feet and jogged after you, finishing his drink in the process and tossing it in a garbage can.

“Where are you going?!” he frantically asked you.

He followed you all the way to the Trawler, where the bartender waved hello to you, driving you even more mad than you already were. You grabbed Chris by the elbow and practically threw him into the chair in the back corner. He watched, bewildered, as you pointed at the bar.

“I was there,” you heatedly explained, “you were here. You bought me a drink and I came over to sit down. You said you liked my perfume and I said I liked your cologne, and we had a great time, and you kissed me in the back parking lot out there in front of your truck before you offered to give me a ride back to your place!”

How you remembered all these finer, non-explicit details, you had no idea, but they were all clear as day all of a sudden. Chris, meanwhile, was beet red in the face. 

“Uh, er,” he floundered. 

And there it was.

That tiny, miniscule little flex of muscles in his face, his eyes widening a millimeter.

A fucking confession of guilt if you ever saw one, you were convinced.

Was this what it was like to go crazy?

Except he doubled down. Chris squared his shoulders and smiled that same humble smile. “I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I really have no clue what you’re talking about. But for what it’s worth, I’m having a nice time. You pretty much tricked me into a date. Smart play, too, since it’s the only way I can enjoy one.”

One final option lay in front of you, one you were finally angry enough to use it. You bluntly yanked the neckline of your blouse down, exposing that one last hickey, the one that looked more like you were attacked by some animal. Chris’ eyebrows raised in surprise, his focus darting to where the mark was and away. 

“Still insisting I’m crazy? You're a real piece of work, Father,” you scowled. “Hope you're pleased with what you got.”

You let go of your top, grabbed your bag, and stormed out of the bar through the back door, the nearest entrance and into the small parking lot there just so you could get some fresh air. An uncomfortable heat surged up your back and radiated through your chest like a fever. You were nearly on the verge of furious tears. Squeezing between two pickups, you were so distracted that the rearview mirror of one of the vehicles smacked your shoulder. Fuck Chris. You would turn him in, maybe even before mass on Sunday–

Rushed footfalls on the gravel of the parking lot startled you, and you turned with only enough time to gasp when you found Chris there, his hands already cupping your face and pulling you in for a heated kiss. You barely had time to register all of this between the priest panting hot, desperate in your mouth, his cologne and aftershave making your olfactory senses tingle. His lips were still so soft. And then you remembered that this was disgusting.

The force of your slap against Chris’ cheek was more of a shove, getting him the hell off of you. You found yourself leaning back against the bumper of the truck you’d squeezed past, still holding your hand out to keep him back. 

Chris massaged his cheek and jaw where you’d hit him. He was still panting. “I hate this,” he said with a firm shake of his head. He wasn’t even looking at you. “I hate this so fucking much.”

The cursing would’ve surprised you if you weren’t already plagued with memories of him cursing over and over again the previous week.

“What?” you rhetorically asked. “What do you hate, exactly? I thought you didn’t know what I’m talking about.”

“Would you knock it off?” Chris snapped at you. You leaned back against the bumper of the truck, as much as the metal surface would allow. “We both know I’m fucking lying, I’m lying through my goddamn teeth!” he brokenly ranted. “But what I want to know is how the hell do you remember so much?!”

“Am I not supposed to?” you asked, uneasy.

Father Chris shook his head again. “No, because I barely remember anything. All I know is… is–”

“What?” you prodded. You stood up straight and took a tentative step closer. “What is it?”

“I want you, and I fucking hate it,” he spat. “I shouldn’t be tested like this. I don’t deserve this! I’m stronger than this.”

These were more admissions than you were even hoping to achieve. Yes, Chris remembered sleeping together. Yes, Chris was disgusting and immoral, and wanted more.

You didn’t feel triumphant. You didn’t feel victorious.

You felt smug. A craving erupted inside you, swallowing you whole.

You wanted to punish him. You wanted him to live in that fraught feeling of deplorable desire.

“Are you?” you questioned him. A smirk pulled at the corner of your mouth. “Are you stronger than that?”

Chris glared at you, brows furrowed as he digested the fact that you were blatantly mocking him now. It was difficult to assess his next move, but you didn’t have to wait long for another hint, because he simply took that option away and flatly answered you. Chris reached for you again, grabbing at your sleeve and pulling you close so he could kiss you again.

And this time, you let him.

When you weren’t almost gagging on his tongue in your throat, you adored how pissed he looked just kissing you. By now, you were dealing with his hands, too, desperately grabbing and squeezing you. He even began kissing your neck, his teeth grazing over your skin and nipping at you until you pushed him off again. You both caught your breath for a moment, but Chris nonetheless grabbed at your hips again.

“I’m not letting you mark me up again,” you scolded him.

He nodded obediently, despite already kissing your neck some more. “Sorry,” he panted against you, “I just, I need more– We’ll get in my truck, okay? And–”

“What,” you grinned, taking a chance to softly place intermittent kisses of your own on his throat. “You going to be a coward and hide me away at your place again?” From this vantage point, you could see he was wearing a small, golden crucifix just under his sweater. Cute. 

“Don’t want to?” he asked, fumbling in his pockets while he let you kiss him. “That’s fine, it’s dark enough, just in the truck is fine–”

You raised an eyebrow in questioning. “But you parked back at the–”

“What? No,” he interrupted. “It’s right here; come on.”

That made no sense. Chris’ wreck of a truck was back at Reflections–

But the metallic clatter of a keyring stopped your line of thinking in its tracks. Chris backed you up to the passenger side door and unlocked it before he scooped his hands under your ass, eagerly hoisting you up onto the bench seat. He was already working your belt until you grabbed the collar of his sweater and pulled him into the truck with you. You refused to let him lead here. If he was questioning his fortitude, you’d make it exponentially worse. 

Chris wrestled with you a bit to get comfortable in the cab of his truck, ending up sitting in the passenger seat with you straddling his lap. He was incredibly hard between your legs. When you worked your hips down against his, the friction drew the deepest, most regretful moans out of him that you’d ever heard. His strong hands clutched at your hips until you finally unbuckled your belt yourself. He leapt at the opportunity, still kissing your lips, your jaw, your neck, but now his starving touch drifted down from where it’d moved to your breast, down to slip under your panties and between your legs. You gasped and sighed in pleasure, his long fingers rubbing your sensitive clit before dipping into your wetness. 

“Fuck,” Chris gruffly cursed again, “you feel so good.”

“You still hate it?” you teased, almost laughing when he nodded pathetically.

“You’re so bad for me,” he whined. “I just want more.”

You almost felt bad for him.

Almost.

Chris watched in the dim of his truck, only illuminated by a couple security lights behind the old bar as you knelt up so you could shimmy your jeans down, and off one leg. You sat back down on his lap, your damp heat resting back against him but going no further. He looked up at you expectantly.

“Well?” you grinned. “Go on. Make your decision.”

A hesitance sank in between both of you while he considered this, his eyes glazed over and shining. You didn’t blame him. Truth be told, you were surprised with yourself, too. You weren’t typically one for such intensity, but there was something about holding this much control that you were getting satisfaction from in an unexpected way. You scolded yourself for a moment for coming on too strong.

Until Chris warily removed his hat and lifted his sweater off along with his undershirt, revealing his crucifix sitting on his bare collarbones. He set these on the driver seat beside you both, before his hands now wavered at his belt buckle. Father Chris quietly sucked in a breath, as if it were a long, drawn out gasp, astounded at his own actions when he unbuckled his belt and opened his jeans. You could feel the velvety, smooth head of his erection up against you. He paused again.

You pressed your lips to his temple, a tender little reprieve in the middle of this regrettable tryst. “Did you make your decision?”

Chris could be felt nodding before his hands pushed your hips down against his own. You both groaned then, his gorgeous cock slowly stretching you around him. He sucked a breath in between his teeth. “Fuck, baby,” he gritted out. “Feel how you’re opening up for me, it’s so goddamn good–”

You loved the way blasphemy sounded coming from him while you adjusted to him inside you, enough that you immediately took over and began riding him, never giving him a chance to suggest it or try taking the lead. Again, if he was going to decide to be immoral, you were going to really throw that into perspective. 

Chris cried out loud in pleasure when you dropped your hips down onto him and began working his erection into your depths, trying to search out that good angle while the priest was lost in the moment. He was so fucking hot like this, whimpering under you while his thrusts met yours, with no one to blame but himself by this point.

Right?

There was one second where you began to doubt yourself, maybe wondering if you were taking this too far, but Chris interrupted you. Even though you were hellbent on not letting him take control, you couldn’t bring yourself to resist when he grabbed onto your thighs and helped you grind into him instead of riding him, helping you climb that high you were chasing. Worse yet, he pulled down the neckline of your blouse like you’d brazenly done back at the bar, except he went further by pulling your breast to his mouth. His tongue lewdly ran over the bite mark you never managed to get rid of, but he kept his teeth off of you, opting instead to wrap his lips around your hardened nipple, overstimulating you just long enough to coax an orgasm out of you. It hit you hard and suddenly, a sharp gasp punctuating that blissful release as you shuddered around his erection still grinding into you. Chris’ actions got a bit more desperate now, goaded on by how you swept your fingers through his hair before clutching on, reeling his head back onto the back of the bench seat and riding him harder, your rhythm relentless and pushing him closer and closer over the edge.

“It’s good, right?” you sweetly asked. “You gonna cum for me, Chris?”

“Fuck, hold on,” he croaked, his eyes rolling back in ecstasy before you gently pulled his hair again. “Gimme a second, we can’t–” he pleaded, all pouty and doe-eyed, “goddamn, hold on, I can’t–”

╚⊶⊶⊶⊶⊶✞⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷╝

But he did.

At least, you thought he did.

Because, as if nothing had happened at all, the next thing you knew you were waking up in a bed that wasn’t yours. It was his again. The way you seemed to know this instantaneously didn’t ring as odd to you when it probably should have, but there was far too much to be confused by going on at once. How did you even get here?

You blearily sat up, the crust in your eyes making it even more difficult to see, along with how dark it was. The bed was empty but you knew it was his. You tried to make out the rest of the room, get further confirmation of this fact you already knew, until you found your bag on the floor. Your phone was on the brink of death when you fished it out, but it was still able to report that it was five in the morning. 

The weird thing, at least in your mind, was that you were clothed and alone. You did just fuck Chris in the parking lot behind the Trawler, didn’t you?

… Didn’t you?

It felt like you did. But, even now, fully clothed in this veritable stranger’s bed…

It felt like it’d been a vivid dream. 

You slipped out of the bed, not even covered in a blanket. Your shoes were still on your feet. The room was a bit cold, enough to wake you up a bit faster. Judging by the view out the window, Chris lived in an upper floor unit, likely a private walk-up like many of the old houses in the area seemed to be updated into. This house was old indeed, listening to the creak of the floorboards as you warily walked out of the bedroom and found yourself in a small kitchen. A frayed cord hung from the ceiling. Following it upward, it was attached to an old attic door.

“I wouldn’t pull that if I were you,” came a voice, bringing you back to the oddity at hand. There was Chris, sitting at his tiny kitchen table. He almost looked sick, his cheeks pale. You were certain if you felt his forehead, it’d be clammy. A mug with three tea bag strings hanging out of it was clutched in his hand, shaking the smallest bit for you to see. “The attic door is broken,” he explained, not looking at you. “The super is supposed to take care of it.”

You looked up at the door again. It didn’t appear broken, but you left it alone.

Chris grimaced into his mug. “Did you and I… Did we hook up again?”

You nodded, a gesture you weren’t sure Chris saw but he nodded back nonetheless. 

“I shouldn’t be wanting this,” he frowned. 

You were at a loss of what to say. Instead, you comfortingly ran your fingers through his hair. Truth be told, the fact that neither of you were freaking out over not concretely remembering this was probably the least weird aspect of it all. You both had your own, much bigger concerns.

Chris took a sip of his tea. His hand twitched, making him sloppy. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “I’m better than this. I’m not supposed to want you.”

“I’m sorry,” you weakly attempted.

The young priest raised an eyebrow at you. His eyes were bagged and red, bloodshot like he hadn’t slept in days. “No, you’re not.”

It wasn’t a denial. It was a diagnosis. 

And he was right. 

Chris betraying his vows and giving into you was the most potent adrenaline rush you’d ever experienced. That was the case the first time, and it was the case now. 

And if he didn’t stop you, you’d make his life a living hell until he repented.

[invisible-pink-toast]

Yellowjackets as classic paintings - season 1

"Witches' Sabbath" by Goya / "The Baptism of Christ" by Carl Bloch / "The Oracle at Delphi" by Heinrich Leutemann / "The Baptism of the Christ" by Daniel Bonnell / "Christina’s World" by Andrew Wyeth / "The Kiss" by Gustav Klimt / "Bacchanal" by Nicolas Poussin / "The Wild Hunt of Odin" by Peter Nicolai Arbo / "The Wounded Deer" by Frida Kahlo / "Judith and Her Maidservant with the Head of Holofernes" by Artemisia Gentileschi / "Caravaggio" by Judith Beheading Holofernes / "The Wolf and the Lamb" by Jean-Baptiste Oudry / "The Last Day of Pompeii" by Karl Bryullov / "Camille Monet on her Deathbed" by Claude Monet / "Ivan the Terrible and His Son Ivan" by Ilya Repin

insp.

[huariqueje]

Pears and white plate with apple branch - Judith Lamb

American, b. 1950s -

Oil on board, 11 x 14 in.

[ghelgheli]

Stuff I Read In June 2024

bold indicates favourites

Books

Bodies That Matter, Judith Butler

Manufacturing Consent, Edward S. Herman & Noam Chomsky

Yuri/GL

A Monster Wants to Eat Me, Naekawa Sai

That Time I Was Blackmailed By the Class' Green Tea Bitch, Xian Jun

My Sister's Best Friend, My Lover, Fujimatsu Mei

Childhood Friend, Big Love, Kanno Fumi

An OL at Her Limit and a College Girl, Obata Rui

She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat (Vol 4), Sakaomi Yuzaki

Monthly in the Garden with My Landlord, Yodokawa

Sora and Haena, Jackbull

Short Fiction

Does a Bee Care? Isaac Asimov

Silly Asses, Isaac Asimov

Buy Jupiter! Isaac Asimov

A Statue for Father, Isaac Asimov

Rain, Rain, Go Away, Isaac Asimov

Palestine

The Right To Exist, Rana Issa [link]

Ugly Enjoyment, Nadia Bou Ali [link]

On October 7, Gaza broke out of prison, Mariam Barghouti [link]

Queer &c.

How to get Fucked by a Trans Woman, lily bloodguts [link]

Why Be Nonbinary? Robin Dembroff [link]

Amelioration and Inclusion: Gender Identity and the Concept of Woman, Katharine Jenkins [link]

Toward an Account of Gender Identity, Katharine Jenkins [link]

Why the Trans Inclusion Problem Cannot be Solved, Tomas Bogardus [link]

Evil Deceivers and Make-Believers: On Transphobic Violence and the Politics of Illusion, Talia Mae Bettcher [link]

Trans Identities and First-Person Authority, Talia Mae Bettcher

Through the Looking Glass: Trans Theory Meets Feminist Philosophy, Talia Mae Bettcher

Transgender Studies: Queer Theory's Evil Twin, Susan Stryker

Under Construction: Decolonized Queer Masculinities, Shay-Akil McLean [link]

The Empire Strikes Back: A Posttranssexual Manifesto, Sandy Stone

Transsexualism: Reflections on the Persistence of Gender and the Mutability of Sex, Judith Shapiro

History/Theory

Anti-Blackness as Disavowal and Condition: Rethinking Foucault’s “Carceral Society”, Melayna Lamb & Tia Trafford [link]

1492: A New World View, Sylvia Wynter

Against the Logic of Submission, Wolfi Landstreicher [link]

Other

Who’s Behind All the `Pussy in Bio` on X? John Herman [link]

Why Do We Keep Inventing the Magical School? Tanvi Chowdhary [link]

Pants Scientists and Bona Fide Cyber Ninjas: Tracing the Poetics of Cyberpunk Menswear, Esko Suoranta [link]

Graffiti, Through Grief and Discovery, Clement Gelly [link]

[chaoticloveyshroom]

fandoms list

Hi from Chao :) fandoms include how to train your dragon, the legend of zelda (BOTW, TOTK, LA), spiritfarer, danganronpa, animal crossing new horizons, cult of the lamb, minecraft, stardew valley, steven universe, MHA, JJK, AOT, Sk8 the infinity, warrior cats, hunger games, priory of the orange tree, the cruel prince, maasverse, BSD, one piece, banana fish, charlotte (anime), KNY, death note, harry potter, marauders, horimiya, howls moving castle, spirited away, totoro, fourth wing, riordanverse, saiki k, shadowhunters, case study of vanitas, tokyo revengers, Wednesday, spy x family, MCU, red white and royal blue, stranger things, bee and puppycat, ao haru ride, angels of death, akarnae, school for good and evil, ann liang books, cressida cowell books, dragonkeeper, avatar (james cameron), avatar: TLA, isobel carmody, Nevermoor, grishaverse, dragon city, shadow and bone (show), adventure time, Spiderverse, haikyuu, knife (rj anderson), TBHK, dragon rider, chainsaw man, bojack horseman, deirdre sullivan books, star wars (particularly andor/mandolorian), LOTR, FNAF, hazbin hotel/helluva boss, the dragon prince, sailor moon, neon genesis evangelion, heathers, ingo (helen dunmore), pokemon, given, the prison healer, whisper/weapon (lynette noni), komi cant communicate, the batman (robert pattinson version), ms kobayashis dragon maid, tokyo ghoul, the mirror visitor quartet (christelle dabos), all of us are dead, the glory, eeaao, jurassic world, the enchanted wood series, scythe, peculiars (Ransom riggs), circe, stella montgomery intrigues (judith rossell), his dark materials, we bare bears, hatsune miku/vocaloid, ado (singer), heartbreak high (reboot), jaclyn moriarty, still wakes the deep, and holy shit this is so long RIP well uh if you wanna moot me theres ur info lol!

[xanfeursel]

i know ive very much cemented judiths character with lamb imagery but he is literally like. THE sacrifical lamb of ever

[hannahwatcheshorror]

THE MENU (2022)

💁‍♀️Strong Female Lead

A nice artistic horror film with a SAW type feel of bad people being punished for their bad actions. Beautiful cinematography, food dressing, and scenes in general. All things considered a fairly fresh take on the horror genre.

⭐⭐⭐⭐

We hit the ground running, meeting Margot and Tyler the (apparent) couple and (possibly) main characters for the film. Tyler is a little nasty freak for food and Margot is just trying to eat. Next is one short character introducing boat ride to the island featuring some real heavy hitters in the real world like Judith Light, John Leguizamo, Arturo Castro just to name a few (that I knew anyway). On the Island we meet Ralph Fiennes as Chef Slowik himself (Voldemort is here, with a nose and a pallet cooking us dinner, y’all, get pumped up).

THE MENU begins, which is a very select meal crafted by the chef and made by his staff but things are strange in the dining room. Guests are not appreciating the food (except Tyler who is a whole mess), guests are being rude to staff, but then the staff will kind of clap back at the guests which is great but also eerie. Guests are already grumbling at the chefs fancy and innovative menu that doesn’t include bread (because bread is for poor people and these people don’t deserve it, clever) so when the third course has the patrons private information laser printed on the tortillas everyone starts to get a bit cagey. Before the fourth course, Chef informs Margot he knows she isn’t supposed to be here and basically that he is sorry… and then The Mess.

The Mess is the fourth course, an almost ritualistic suicide of one of the “lesser” staff in the kitchen. The guests are horrified but the staff overwhelm them (giving one guy the finger!). Chef tells them all why they are here, deserving of their fates (some more than others) and we move on to Man’s Folly. The men of the group are allowed to attempt escape while the girls eat and talk shit, then the inevitably captured men come back for the next course (but the last boy found got a snack!). Tyler is bugging because he missed what the girls ate, but that's fine because Chef reveals that Ty-ty knew for 8 months that this was a death trap, but he wanted to eat there so bad, he came AND brought a date! What a schmuck!

Chef has Tyler cook, because he will not shut up about being good in the kitchen. Homeboy puts leeks, shallots, and lamb in a pan together with like four tablespoons of butter while flop sweating then feeds it to Chef after letting it cook for about 30 seconds. Chef spits it out then whispers in Tyler's ear and I can almost guarantee he just told the dumb fecker that he wasn’t going to be getting any more food for the evening because the boy promptly shows himself to a back room to hang out. Margot is unphased the man who was happy to let her die for a meal killed himself over a meal.

Margot is given an errand, briefly escapes, “accidently” kills a staff member, calls the “coast guard”, thinks she gets help, doesn’t get help, and has to sit right back down where she started.

In a final attempt to save herself, Margot stands, claps (like Chef), and basically demands better service, says she hasn’t liked the food and is starving. She just wants something simple and filling and I blurted out with her, “HAMBURGER,” but of course she said “Cheeseburger.” (But that is what I mean when I say Hamburger, because of course there is cheese on it! Gah!) It is nice to see such an art heavy film in the mainstream in 2022 (yes, the culinary arts count as art).

If you think our heroine wins the day because she asks for a simple, non-artistic food you would be wrong, it is because the food she asks for at the end is made by Chef Slowik and not by his staff (also being a burger man was in another life when he was happy which helped a lot too but I DIGRESS). That made all the difference. He got to experience the joy of cooking he hadn’t felt in ages, the joy of making art for someone and making them happy. That is what saved her life, so that she could live another day and eat her leftover burger. And when it comes down to it, isn’t that what we all want? To live another day so that we may eat our leftover burger?