#Joyce has anxiety and OCD

[mogai-headcanons]

Jonathan Byers is an autistic bi asexual demiboy with depression, anxiety and selective mutism. He is still figuring his identity and pronouns out, but likes he/they pronouns. He is in love with Nancy Wheeler, a bisexual girl with anxiety who uses she/her and doesn't mind friends calling her they/them. Nancy is also dating Robin Buckley, an autistic lesbian who uses she/he pronouns, he also has adhd and anxiety. Robin has a crush on Vickie, a transfem sapphic who uses she/he/they pronouns, she's autistic and has adhd. Steve Harrington is a bisexual man with pstd, ocd and anxiety who uses he/him pronouns. He is also an age regressor due to trauma, and Robin is his best friend/sister figure. Robin is an age dreamer herself!! Eddie Munson is an autistic gay guy with adhd, he has a special interest in dungeons and dragons and metal music, he uses he/they pronouns but doesn't mind most others except she/her. They're dating Steve, and are also his cg. Jonathan is in a qpr with Argyle, an unlabeled agender gender apathetic dude who doesn't mind masc terms and uses any pronouns. Eddie's friend Chrissy Cunningham is a demigirl lesbian with anxiety and autism, she's also an age regressor!

Jim Hopper has ptsd and depression, he is also questioning if he's asexual/acespec. He uses they/he pronouns, and is dating Joyce Byers, a bisexual woman with anxiety and ptsd who uses she/they pronouns. The two are parental figures to Jonathan, El and Will. They're also both close to Murray Bauman, an unlabeled queer neurodivergent man who doesn't care what pronouns people use for xem. Alexei is (was?) a bisexual autistic man who uses they/he pronouns.

Eleven/Jane Hopper is an autistic nonbinary lesbian with ptsd, they use they/she pronouns and are an age regressor. She has a requited crush on Max Mayfield, a bigender bisexual with adhd and autism who uses he/she pronouns. Max is also dating Lucas Sinclair, who has adhd, is questioning his sexuality, and uses he/him pronouns. His little sister Erica is autistic, gendercute, and has adhd + uses she/her pronouns. Lucas' best friend is Dustin Henderson, an autistic transmasc kid with adhd who uses he/they pronouns who sees Steve as an older brother figure. He's also close friends with Nancy's little brother Mike Wheeler, an autistic trans boy who is also bisexual and in the closet, who uses he/him but doesn't mind they/them. Mike has an unrequited crush on Eleven, but also has feelings for Will Byers, an autistic gay trans boy with anxiety and ptsd who uses he/they. Will has a special interest in art and dungeons + dragons.

They all see each other as found family!!

Oh shit I just realised I forgor smth on my stranger things req that started with an autistic bi ace Jonathan, could u add Jonathan has a special interest in photography pls !! Thank u

Stranger things rqer with Autistic bi ace Jonathan again I'm sorry to keep adding stuff but!! Bob Newby is also dating Joyce Byers and he's a bisexual transgender man with autism and adhd (he/they)

Also could u maybe use a pic of Eleven from s3 if possible !! Aaa I'm sorry I keep changing stuff

fvjdkhjgbkflds oh my god i forgot smth again. same stranger things anon (the jonathan one. again. can i be 🍡 anon?) could u add that steve is questioning his gender, might be transfem, and is experimenting with she/they pronouns with friends as well as usually using he/him (im sorryyyyyyy i keep forgetting >.<)

🍡 anon back again because. i forgor AgAiN im sorryyyyy, could u add that Barbara Holland is a lesbian with anxiety, adhd and autism, she/they, and dating Nancy ? tyy

queued!

[bowiebond]

Lucas is Autistic. I will not be taking criticism ❤️

[purplexiasphinx]

The list of OC facts no one asked for...

Aya, @big-sis-neko

Insomniac

Very insecure

Has enough trauma to fill a book series if she so wished

Absolutely overprotective

A liiiiittle bit possessive

Touch-starved but hates it when strangers touch her

Trust issues through the ROOF

Might punch you if you ask her to say 'Nya'

Doesn't know how to properly date

Nightmares

Her first name means 'Flower'

Likes to draw

Constantly busy

Mean, but cares.

Very gay, and very angsty.

Somehow, she's a tsundere and a yandere all wrapped up in one cute fuzzy lil' package.

Doesn't like to drink, gets flirty when she's drunk.

Favorite color is purple, acts like it's pink solely to throw people off.

Can honestly genuinely cry at any moment

Gods help you if you grab her without warning

I won't help identify the body if you touch her ass without her permission

Owns a baseball bat, named it Lucille in honor of TWD

Favorite anime is Fairy Tail, because of Erza.

Has a mom voice, is not afraid to use it.

Will help you get your shit together while she's a complete mess

Is a hypocrite, will tell you to be healthy then eat nothing but an apple over the course of three days.

Is a whole mess

Needs someone to take care of her sometimes but refuses help

Has honestly been very disillusioned with life and humanity

Covered in scars, both physical and mental.

Hates all cat-related nicknames, has heard them all and is done.

If she flirts back consider yourself lucky

Can't stand the sight or smell of fish

Has been beaten with a fish

Why?

People suck

Average height...

Strong girl

Will fight you

Knows actual fighting techniques

Can and will probably kick your ass

Has a weakness for redheads

Done With Your Shit™

*ARACHNOPHOBIA INTENSIFIES*

Aki, @your-neko-friend

Is a brony

Hides the fact that he's a brony

Too pure for this world

Sweet baby

Knows how to fight

Is also a pacifist

Very protective

Sadness? What sadness? Nothing but smiles!

Absolutely a joyous ball of trauma and suppressed anxiety

Doesn't know when to just say 'No' or 'Stop'

Very polite

Puts everyone else above himself

Would sacrifice every chance he had at happiness to make other people happy

Does, when he has the chance

Doesn't like being treated like a child

Is a shota

Birthday is December 28th

G a y

Bless his heart

Loves flower crowns

Makes flower crowns for everyone

Smol boi

Almost 18???

How???

Baby boy-

Will make up a nickname for everyone in his contacts list and find an appropriate emoji for them but never show anyone

Wears MLP pyjamas without regret

Is actually just a really careful person

Also has no self preservation instinct

He can handle a knife, but someone keep him away from the windowless van promising candy

Has a HUGE sweet tooth

Loves cuddles

Is a big hugger

Doesn't understand romantic love

Has had a lot of boyfriends, surprisingly???

Mostly because he will NOT let someone kiss him without dating them first

It's a rule

Has never initiated a kiss

Would rather cuddle

Sensitive tail

Pls gentle

High pain tolerance, but he's got so much trauma it doesn't matter he'll fall apart anyways

Hates being called 'kitty'

Can't stand the smell of fish

Has been beaten with a fish before

Hates that he has to rely on people

Secretly a very sad boi

Positivity to the MAX

Always looks for the bright side

Will never leave someone that looks like they need help

Strong boi

Short boi (Under 5')

Very much a sub

Will purr if you pet his ears

CUTE

Lowkey a Pokèmon fan, but tends to only watch the anime.

NOT a gamer, but will play if you ask or offer.

IS CHUB

Bonus! The names in Aki's contact list (Across all RPs, cuz why not? You'll get to know the names of the other OCs he knows~)

Real name: Ash

Aki's contact for him: Ketchum 💕

*

Real name: Layz

Aki's contact for them: 🥦 (Due to drama and boi's lack of proper coping mechanisms, he'd changed the old name (Boyfriend 🥦) but hadn't taken the time to make a new nickname because he ended up crying every time.)

*

Real name: Aya

Aki's contact for her: Big Sis Aya 💮

*

Real name: Joyce

Aki's contact for him: Sweetest 🎶

*

Real name: Eli

Aki's contact for him: Darling❣

*Someone who USED TO be on Aki's contacts list...

TONY!

Aki didn't have much time when he was making the contact, so it was simply "Tony❤"

But that number is blocked now.

*Fun fact, Aki has dated/is currently dating everyone on this list besides his sister in some RP or another.

Brie, @miss-brie-phillips

Is the big gay but pretends not to be

Is very religious

Has asthma

Tries to help

Vv easily startled

Has a big crush on her coworker

Works with Aya

Refuses to ask for help

Is gay panic incarnate

Has several siblings

Constantly terrified someone will find out she's gay

Constantly terrified in general

Will cry at the drop of a hat

Not very physically strong

Or mentally

The two people she trusts most in the world are very gay

Very insecure

VERY pretty

Has only dated guys, never kissed anyone yet

Gets nauseous at the thought of being intimate with a guy

How do her parents not know she's gay yet???

Generally unhappy with her life but will pretend everything is fine

Working to afford her own place

Very devoted

Jaime, @nothereforyourbullshit

Incredibly protective

Also Done With Your Shit™

Gay as hell

Possessive of his boyfriends

Not in too big a way, but

Might just hit someone if they flirt with his guy

Plays guitar

Knows where to hide a body

Has a tattoo of a cross on the back of his neck

OCD, but has learned to live with it.

Is a killer bartender AND barista

Charismatic!

Came from a very religious family

Very aware that his closeted sister is gay but will never tell anyone, because he loves her and he knows it'll fuck up her life

Also not on the best of terms with his sister but will protect her no matter what

Rest of his family?

They'll get help if they ask, but they never would.

And he knows it

Has awful nightmares

Is a big cuddler

Hell

Physical contact is a must

Is a great cook and loves cooking for people

That is exactly why he will never be a chef

Has a LOT of fun making straight dudes question their sexuality

Won't deny it

Will not flirt with someone else if he's in a relationship

Half the time he jumps from guy to guy

His type consists of trouble

Needs someone to help him deal with his shit instead of ignoring when he clearly needs help

Probably will never get that person because he's drawn to the guys that'll fuck up his life

Has never even considered using his guitar skills as a source of income???

Bonus, a few about @maaya-kaori cuz I just realized I have nothing but my community of gays up here

Aroace

My friendzone bab!

Is a singer (Technically my Vocaloid/UTAUloid OC)

Has a sweetness that would rival Aki's

Doesn't understand flirting

Has accidentally broken so many hearts and has no idea

LOVES singing

Would never hurt anyone ever

Has played Undertale once, pacifist route start to finish, cried multiple times anyways.

Unironically believes Pokèmon is a terrible concept and teaches children to kidnap critters and force them to fight for money

Because one of her friends showed her a meme once, it was her fist time hearing of Pokèmon

Is actually only 16

[captain-daryn]

Yessss I love these and totally support your HC’s!

My own takes (sexuality and neurodivergence/mental health when applicable, some are similar to OP’s):

Steve is Bi and gender fluid (Stevie/Steve, He/Him and She/Her), also dyslexic and HoH/deaf (I mean c’mon, all those concussions?)

Eddie is Ace and panromantic, with ADHD and anxiety

Robin is lesbian (obvs💖) and autistic with anxiety

Nancy is also bi (“doesn’t everyone feel attraction to both sexes? No? Oh okay” I feel like that’s the gist of her coming to terms with her sexuality), with some OCD or at least OCD-tendencies

Billy is gay

Max is bi and a Demi-girl (they/she)

Lucas is bi

Will is gay with severe anxiety and/or PTSD (feel free to lmk if And/Or is not appropriate)

Mike is gay (sorry Bi-Mike truthers, personally I think El was his attempt at (being?) comphet (still new to the term comphet so my apologies if I used it wrong)) with ADHD, PTSD and depression

Dustin has autism and ADHD and is Ace. I get Charlie Weasley vibes from him. Dragons vs demo-dogs tho. A+++

El/Jane is lesbian or questioning still, she hasn’t had much exposure to actual romance besides Mike I think. She needs to explore what she wants out of a relationship instead. Also PTSD (but who could have done/seen the things she has and not come out without some sort of trauma)

Jonathan is bi and has autism and depression

Argyle is pansexual

Joyce and Hopper are the token straight Allies who would do anything to protect these kids. Hopper has some PTSD and Joyce has severe anxiety issues (though that is canon), and maybe also ADHD (hyper fixates, like the magnets in S3 for example)

If I have perpetuated any harmful stereotypes, please let me know what they are and how I can fix it! I want to be inclusive and support everyone!

🏳️‍⚧️❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🏳️‍🌈

I myself am ace, demisexual to be more specific (sort of questioning that though and still exploring a bit to figure it out for sure, but currently that’s the best way to describe myself), with ADHD and anxiety so I know when I can relate to the characters I mentioned above with these characteristics:)

Rant post bc people were being homophobic :)

Yk what fuck everyone else. Jonathan and Argyle kissed at least once, Nancy and Robin have the hots for each other, Steddie is AT LEAST one sided, if not reciprocated, Eleven is not ready for a relationship and shouldn’t have one (yet at least) and is ace. Max is non-binary, Lucas is bisexual, Eddie is gay, Steve, Mike and Nancy are also Bi, Argyle, Dustin and Eleven are Pan. The characters in this show are not straight. Why? Because I fucking said so. Leave me to my comfort ships and headcannons and I’ll leave you to yours. Fuck you.

[alwaysbringabookwithyou]

Book: Turtles All The Way Down

Author: John Green

Rating: 5*

Sixteen-year-old Aza never intended to pursue the mystery of fugitive billionaire Russell Pickett, but there’s a hundred-thousand-dollar reward at stake and her Best and Most Fearless Friend, Daisy, is eager to investigate. So together, they navigate the short distance and broad divides that separate them from Russell Pickett’s son, Davis. Aza is trying. She is trying to be a good daughter, a good friend, a good student, and maybe even a good detective, while also living within the ever-tightening spiral of her own thoughts.

So I was super excited when this arrived in the post last week- and not just because bookmail is my favourite kind of post. About 10 years ago when I was thirteen I was already three years into my migration from the junior fiction side of the library to what was then called 'teen fic' because the hip term YA hadn't been coined yet. For all of that time I had stuck mainly to fantasy and science fiction, branching tentatively into the then new to me world of dystopians occasionally. But then I became a teenager proper and one day I picked up a contemporary book, Looking for Alaska by John Green. I think it launched me into teendom proper- a year later I read Paper Towns, started watching the vlogbrothers on Youtube, and started developing interests I'd pursue until now.

In short, I have been reading, watching, and being influenced by content created by John Green for almost a decade. 

When I got my hands on Turtles All the Way Down a hurricane was blowing in across the Northwest of Ireland and the whole city had the day off. I curled up and read it cover to cover. It was brilliant. Just so thoughtful and genuine and humorous and all the great things I've come to expect from John Green's writing. It was a great story with fantastic story with believable and likeable characters. It's also fairly gritty in places, and most important of all, it's a poignant and gentle and comic look at living with mental illness. The experience of reading this book was enjoyable on several levels. I liked the story for itself, but I also liked how in many ways it was a trip down memory lane, revisiting many of the issues and thoughts expressed in videos over the past few years since the release of TFioS. I think this book is also pretty personal as it explores the experience and effects of living with OCD, something John has been fairly open about experiencing in his own personal life. I related to this a lot- after suffering a minor stroke in 2015 I struggled with health anxiety. Every little twinge or heart flutter was suddenly something I had to think about for hours and Google diagnose. It was horrible and although it's something I have got under control now after a long stint with a therapist, it's something I will have to deal with at least in part for the rest of my life. And I totally understood and empathised with the feeling of the protag that this made them excessively inward looking. I also loved how literary this book was, it referenced and interacted with so many great books including but not limited to; James Joyce's Ulysses, Jacqueline Woodson's Brown Girl Dreaming, Toni Morrison's Tar Baby, Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes, Mark Haddon's The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time, it interacted with fanfiction and even with John's own earlier writing. It worked with how narrative in real life is both like and unlike the narrative in books, which is ironic, cause this is a book. Honestly, I could write an essay on the literary goings-on in this book. For the rest of the review I just want to share some of my favourite quotes that show off the writing and philosophy of the book. Don't read any further if you wanna stay completely spoiler free. "I don't mind worriers. Worrying is the correct worldview. Life is worrisome." "You feeling scared?" "Kinda." "Of what?" "It's not like that. The sentence doesn't have, like, an object. I'm just scared." "Actually, the problem is that I can't lose my mind," I said. "It's inescapable.” "Everyone wanted me to feed them that story—darkness to light, weakness to strength, broken to whole. I wanted it, too.” And finally:

“If only I were as good at life as I am at the internet.”

That's all from me bookworms- chat to you soon! Booklove, Grace

[star-shuttle-scout]

Hey I have this headcanon that I'll share with you. Might be multiply parts but eh. Anyway it's been awhile since I have seen any Stranger Things so please bare with me. It's heavily been implied Jonathan is anti-social. Watching it I picked up a few things because of personal experience. Jonathan really doesn't like contact unless he is really close to you. He stays in the back room when he gets the choice. Via this I think he as some form of social anxiety. Next ask will have evidence

Staying in the black room. Speaking as a person with a minor case of social anxiety. I can immediately tell when someone backs away from loud noises. It just overwhelms there senses and noise manage to amplify sound. Human touch is also a no because like I said everything is now amplified. Touch would only hurt your body in a way On to his touch. I don’t like being hugged unless I’m close to you. If I am I sorta of thrive on that touch. Jonathan seems to like contact with his brother. (2/8)

(3/8) also think he might have some OCD. Everything has to be a certain way and if it’s not he gets upset a little. I’m no therapist but I talk from personal experience. Now onto Stonathan! When Steve found out he really wasn’t that surprised. Jonathan always was adverse with noise and human contact. Though it does hurt that Jonathan is still iffy with touch even with his boyfriend but Steve understands he was a complete jerk to Jonathan so he will take his one time. One day Jonathan sorta

(4/8) has a bad day. It’s just one of his worse days. The day that is just a Murphy’s law day. So when he gets home he just collapses to himself. Just allowing the panic attack to go through him. Steve knew something was wrong with his BF. Going to his house he walks up the stairs because Joyce had a date with Hooper and Eleven and Will were over at Mike’s. When he sees Jonathan he freezes a bit before trying to talk to Jonathan. He wants to touch him so bad but he knows better instead

(5/8)So Steve instead starts talking Jonathan down. It works but it’s a slow process. So Steve talked about the time he watched the kids and all the inane adventures yet had. After awhile Jonathan calms down but he is still shaky. Steve doesn’t stop though. After awhile Jonathan crawls over to Steve and curls up against him. Steve freezes for a second before asking is it okay if I touch you? Jonathan only nods his head and Steve does. There curled up against each other until

(6/8) Jonathan falls asleep on Steve. At this point Steve knows he is stuck. Even if he wasn’t he wouldn’t have left. About an hour later when the others come in. They see Steve and Jonathan curled up against each other and croon about how cute it is. Will wanting to get a moment of his brother relaxed snatched his brothers camera and takes a few pictures. Joyce grins and makes a mental note to get a copy of that picture. Hooper is grinning and looking at the boy he considered his son

(8/8 ) so that came out longer than I expected…….oops. Sorry I sorta blew up your inbox but I hope you can add on! When I get an idea I really like I run as you can see. Like I said the medical stuff is personal and I hope I didn’t trigger anyone but like I said before I love your blog! It got me into Stoanathan and I can never stop being grateful for that. Now time to write that researche project I have been putting off. Sadly

-

This is super sweet, and just getting this flood of messages tonight was a really big boost to my happiness so I just want everyone to know that! 

I do have a strong belief that Jonathan does have a form of social anxiety or even an anxiety disorder. His nervous flighty behavior, lack of eye contact (and the occasional too much eye contact), he mumbles quite a lot as well. I’ve never heard OCD as a proposed idea for him, but I’ve debated some disorders such as a sensory processing disorder. But all of his behaviors could also just be trauma from being raised in what I like to call a high tension household.

Lonnie seems to have quite the temper, and if you’ve ever been around someone with a hair trigger temper for long enough, you learn to tiptoe. Jonathan is quiet, withdrawn, out of the way, he most likely adapted to the household he grew up in. Every loud noise is a signal, a warning goes off in your head and you’re suddenly on edge. After a while, it’s not just the noises from that person you fear, it’s the noises of everything. Your body conditions itself to startle, warning bells ringing at every sudden noise. 

Jonathan flinching, nervously chewing at his fingers, hunching in on himself, looking at the ground… These are all things that could be signs of growing up in an abusive environment. Preparing for a verbal assault or a physical one, on edge because he grew up in a world where the place he felt safest was repeatedly violated by a toxic person that took advantage of being bigger than the two little boys in it.

Back to social anxiety and hesitation to be touched, that’s quite common to be honest, I know lots of people like that (including myself when it comes to strangers). If Jonathan does have a form of disorder (anxiety, sensory processing, etc.) then it would explain a lot of his mannerisms and the way he acts with his peers vs. his family. 

I always felt like Jonathan would be the person that puts everything on his shoulders and tries to push his problems down as far as possible until they swallow him completely. The idea of Jonathan coming home to an empty house and just breaking down completely wrenches my heart something awful, but it‘s very in character for him. 

Steve is a very patient boyfriend, he understands that Jonathan has firm boundaries and issues a mile wide. He gets frustrated sometimes, when he’ll try to hug his boyfriend only for the younger boy to step back and place a hand protectively up between them, like he couldn’t stand Steve‘s touch.

But he learns, he learns that Jonathan needs time and it‘s all about learning his behaviors and taking note of his body language. He learns how to approach Jonathan in his field of vision, because creeping up behind him makes him tense and pissed off. He doesn’t have to figure it all out by himself, he has to get Jonathan squared away somewhere private to discuss these strict boundaries. Eventually, it’s all sort of settled and Steve feels more confident in their relationship and Jonathan feels less anxious about it all.

He’s never seen anyone have an anxiety attack, or whatever it is that Jonathan experiences. There are days when he shuts down completely, zones out and his barely present voice becomes completely muted. Those days, Steve learns to be gently affectionate, careful but also not completely withdrawn from touch. He’ll hold Jonathan‘s clammy hand in his own, wrap an arm around him and rub his arm until he looks less dazed.

But when Jonathan has his attacks, he’s not allowed to touch at all for a while. He just has to sit nearby and watch Jonathan cry, shake, sometimes bang his head against the wall behind him or dig his nails into his arms just a little to get a grip on himself. When he calms down though, eyes red and puffy, face stained and pink, Steve still has to wait for him ground himself. 

As always though, he never hesitates to crawl into Steve’s embrace and proceeds to pass out cuddled up to his chest. Steve starts sitting on the bed just so Jonathan will follow him up there, so they can rest comfortably for a while. Steve’s allowed to touch all he wants then, to comb his fingers through Jonathan’s hair and press kisses to his forehead. 

Anywho, this post is super long omg. Thanks so much for sending in so much, I really do appreciate people sending me their headcanons and ideas! Good luck with your research project, friend!

[annavaught-posts]

‘But what do you know, who has not been mad?’

So, rather wonderfully, the proofs of my new book, Saving Lucia, are out and about. Bluemoose will be putting its new subscription service into action soon too, so watch out for that, because, if you have liked the sound of Saving Lucia so far, as a subscriber, you’d get to read it two months early; in February, rather than April.

There is something I thought I would share with you today, though. As I have said elsewhere, the idea for Saving Lucia came from a chance sighting of this photograph.

Who was this? Elderly and (perhaps?) frail-looking; facing away from the camera; arms in a beautiful pose and look how she is covered with birds! It caught my eye. This lady was a Lady. She was The Honourable Violet Albina Gibson, an irish aristocrat, and she loved the birds of the air. I found out that there were pouches sewn into her clothes and that these were to be filled with birdseed. Actually, I interviewed one of the nurses (now in her 90s) who cared for her – again because of a chance sighting of an article on psychiatric nursing – and gradually a book took shape. In 1926 Violet Gibson went to Rome and shot Mussolini. She missed, grazing across his nose – but she came closer than anyone else. Imprisoned, then deported, she was certified mad in Harley Street and sent to St Andrew’s Hospital in Northampton where she remained for the rest of her life.

I will not say more of her story now, because we, as a team, will reveal and discuss things over the coming months – and of course I hope you will read the book.

But here is the thing I mentioned I wanted to share with you.

The book is about sanity. About madness. Our shifting definitions of what this is.

The book is about the imagination.

About its power and ability to sustain and transform a world. Yes, in the books we read which have sprung like fresh miracle from others’ imaginations, but also in that landscape inside our heads. The stories we tell ourselves and our reveries and daydreams and also the detailed imaginative freewheeling that may occur when circumstances press in on us and circumscribe our physical and psychological freedom. The latter is something I learned in very early childhood and have written about elsewhere: because I did not feel safe in the world I inhabited, I invented a lot of imaginary friends with whom I would have dialogue. This was not madness, but survival and company – and in essence it lasted into adolescence because the impact  of early and sustained experience had catastrophic effects on my sense of identity, coping skills, resilience, responses to stress and on my mental health broadly. So, I have coped with OCD, depression, generalised anxiety, insomnia, flashbacks and dissociative episodes for large parts of my life. These seemed to grow from complex trauma. I feel like I would not have survived these things – and sometimes it has been a close thing; those of you have received crisis care from our mental health teams will know what I mean – without all the worlds inside my head. Stories, reams of poetry, landscapes I would invent and populate.

So you see, Saving Lucia sprang from a chance sighting of a photo. Then I realised that Lucia Joyce, daughter of the novelist James Joyce, was a co-patient of Violet Gibson. And that was someone whose well-explored – and circumscribed, thanks (I am sorry if this is too harsh) to the efforts of the keeper of the Joyce estate – life and truths I longed to ponder. And there were other women, too. And poets, dictators, theosophists, priests, neurologists – and many more I wished to think about.

But there was something else that it sprang from, and this was my feelings about the power of the imagination to provide for us when we are laid low; when we are, in one way or another, confined. That is partly the reason why I have Violet, who has extraordinary adventures in the book, say,  ‘For those who are confined have the best imaginations.’ I didn’t mean it lightly.

Ah well, I hope we can talk a lot more about this book in the coming months. In the meantime, here is the beginning of an essay I have coming out also in April. It’s a book about art and mental health and my focus here, as you see, is on the imagination and very specifically about reading, without which I doubt I would have survived. Trauma: Art as Response to Mental Health, from Dodo Ink edited by Thom Cuell and Sam Mills. I hope you will read that, too.

Anna x

  ‘Do not read, as children do, for the sake of entertainment, or, like the ambitious, for the purpose of instruction. No, read in order to live.

Flaubert

And read, read, read in order to build and rebuild. Listen, too, to stories; to new words and worlds. This is how it was for me, reading to set the darkness echoing and to know that I was not alone. You may think (as Flaubert) that young children do not feel this way about books, but even as a young child, I read both for entertainment and safety, because I could find spaces with characters, or just linger with the feelings that words gave me when I ate them or jumbled them about in my mouth. I would talk to the characters in books and ask their advice; tell them how I felt. Or read passages again and again for security; they were as a private talisman to me. I think, looking back, that I savoured scansion or the weight of a line for its mnemonic qualities and the comfort that afforded.

In bed, as a kid, I would hear shouting or groaning; diffuse sounds. Arguments. Later, my father whimpering and screaming, because he went mad before he died, though no-one spoke about it. I would hear stertorous breathing and feel frightened, but there was no-one to tell. And I think that the sounds outside my room got mixed up with the sounds in my head. When I was very young, I also began a series of rebarbative and ruminating thoughts, the roots of obsessive compulsive patterns I suppose, in which I imagined that if I thought something bad, then it would happen to something. That if I thought something unkind or even allowed the words egress into my mind, then those words will billow out and do things. This was, I knew even then, because my mother had instilled in me an idea that I was bringing of bad things. Looking back, I don’t know why she did this; I don’t know why she wasn’t prevented. Even now, if I am not careful, I slip into this position if someone is particularly caustic to me because I may struggle to believe, despite the pressing of my rational mind, that it could be them, and not me. I turn to reading. Every time.’

  For those who are confined have the best imaginations. 'But what do you know, who has not been mad?' So, rather wonderfully, the proofs of my new book, …

[mogai-headcanons]

Jonathan Byers from Stranger Things is an autistic biromantic asexual demiboy with depression, anxiety, selective mutism, and a special interest in photography who's still figuring out his identity and pronouns, but likes he/him and they/them pronouns!

He's in love with Nancy Wheeler, a bisexual girl with anxiety who uses she/her pronouns and doesn't mind friends using they/them!

Nancy is also dating Robin Buckley, an autistic lesbian age dreamer with ADHD and anxiety who uses she/her and he/him pronouns!

Robin has a crush on Vickie, an autistic transfeminine sapphic with ADHD who uses she/her, he/him, and they/them pronouns!

Steve Harrington is a bisexual man with PTSD, OCD, and anxiety who age regresses due to trauma, is questioning his gender and might be transfeminine, and uses he/him pronouns and is experimenting with she/her and they/them, and Robin is his best friend and sister figure!

Eddie Munson is an autistic gay guy with ADHD and special interests in Dungeons and Dragons and metal music who uses he/him and they/them pronouns, but doesn't mind most pronouns aside from she/her, and they're dating Steve and are his caregiver!

Jonathan is in a QPR with Argyle, an unlabeled agender gender apathetic dude who uses any pronouns and doesn't mind masculine terms!

Eddie's friend Chrissy Cunningham is an autistic demigirl lesbian age regressor with anxiety!

Jim Hopper has PTSD and depression, is questioning whether he's asexual/acespec, and uses they/them and he/him pronouns!

He's dating Joyce Byers, a bisexual woman with anxiety and PTSD who uses she/her and they/them pronouns! The two are parental figures to Jonathan, El, and Will!

They're both close to Murray Bauman, a neurodivergent unlabeled queer man who doesn't care what pronouns people use for xem!

Dr. Alexei is an autistic bisexual man who uses they/them and he/him pronouns!

Eleven/Jane Hopper is an autistic nonbinary lesbian age regressor with PTSD who uses they/them and she/her pronouns!

She has a requited crush on Max Mayfield, an autistic bisexual bigender person with ADHD who uses he/him and she/her pronouns!

Max is also dating Lucas Sinclair, who is questioning his sexuality, has ADHD, and uses he/him pronouns!

His little sister Erica Sinclair is an autistic gendercute kid with ADHD who uses she/her pronouns!

Lucas's best friend Dustin Henderson is an autistic transmasculine kid with ADHD who uses he/him and they/them pronouns and sees Steve as an older brother figure!

He's also close with Nancy's little brother Mike Wheeler, an autistic closeted bisexual trnas boy who uses he/him pronouns, but doesn't mind they/them, and has an unrequited crush on Eleven!

Mike also has feelings for Will Byers, an autistic gay trans boy with anxiety, PTSD, and special interests in art and Dungeons and Dragons who uses he/him and they/them pronouns!

Joyce is also dating Bob Newby, an autistic bisexual trans man with ADHD who uses he/him and they/them pronouns!

Nancy is also dating Barbara Holland, an autistic lesbian with anxiety and ADHD who uses she/her and they/them pronouns!

They all see each other as found family!

dni link

[parentingguide8-blog]

The 11 Things New Parents Bring Up The Most In Therapy

New Post has been published on https://parentinguideto.com/must-see/the-11-things-new-parents-bring-up-the-most-in-therapy/

The 11 Things New Parents Bring Up The Most In Therapy

It’s a fact: life changes when you become a parent. And even if you think you’re prepared for the lack of sleep and change in routine (not to mention changing diapers!), adjusting to parenthood can bring challenges you never expected you’d face.

We asked a group of therapists to share with us the most common concerns they hear from their patients who are new parents. They may surprise you — and, if you’re a new parent yourself, offer some comfort.

“I don’t like being a parent. I miss my old life.”

“It’s common for new parents to have had unrealistic expectations or judgments about parenthood prior to the arrival of baby (“Our social life won’t change at all, we’ll just take the baby with us wherever we go!” or “My child would never act like that in public!”) This is easy to do as there is simply no way to understand what new parenthood is truly like until you’ve been there. As rewarding as it can be, it is also extremely unpredictable and hard! Therefore, some new parents come into therapy sharing an extreme amount of guilt about disliking their new role as mom or dad. This feels like a dirty little secret, as the common myth is that having a baby will fill us with feelings of unconditional love and joy. However, new parents may long for their lost personal freedom and feelings of resentment can occur as post-baby life becomes a reality. In therapy, it’s important to normalize these feelings with new parents and remind them any major transition often feels uncomfortable and unsettling at times. Get support, don’t be afraid to share your true feelings with others who have “been there” and, in time, life will again settle into place.” ― Tara Griffith, a therapist and founder of Wellspace SF

“Other parents seem to be better at this than I am.”

“One of the challenges I hear new parents bring up is the pressure of holding their own parenting abilities up against those of their peers. Eight percent of millennial parents say social-media posts by other parents often make them feel like an inadequate parent. This is twice as many parents from previous generations. There are so many ‘right’ ways to parent, from the type of bottles you give your baby, to the crunchy food regiments, to the social media movements encouraging breastfeeding proudly in public. While all of these are fine practices, they lead many parents to question their own opinions and decisions when it comes to what is right for their family. New parents are up against the opinions of their personal social media circles, their own parents, and the wider reach of external social media influences.” ― Liz Higgins, a licensed marriage and family therapist and owner of Millennial Life Counseling

“I’m worried I’m losing myself.”

“Many new parents struggle with the change of their own sense of self when becoming a parent. Women tend to feel this more strongly than men, but all parents can struggle with identity changes and processing and accepting what it means to be a parent on top of your own individual sense of self.” ― Shanna Donhauser, a child and family therapist and founder of Happy Nest

“What if I don’t measure up?”

“Many men come to me very worried that they are going to pass on their lack of emotion to their children, and they are aware of how much steeper their learning curve may be from their female partner. They may have never babysat for siblings or cousins ― never even held a baby before ― and they want to be present, they want to be involved, they want to share responsibility, and they don’t want the burden of all of this to fall on their female partner. Yet they are so worried that they’re not going to measure up. Early on they may try a few things a few times, not do it well, get discouraged, and back off. Their partner then thinks they don’t care and they’re labeled as lazy, and they disengage more. These guys also often reference their distant, stoic father ― whom they care about, but are aware that he did not model for them the dad they want to be.” ― Justin Lioi, a men’s mental health and relationship expert in New York

“Am I doing it wrong?”

“The number one thing that I hear from new moms is concern that they are doing ‘it’ wrong. When women become moms they are overcome with all these emotions: love, worry, hope, strength, responsibility. It can be a lot to sort through, but what it really boils down to is that they want to be a good parent and make the right choices for their babies. I work with new moms to develop a sense of confidence in their ability to parent, I help them to understand that mistakes are normal and OK, and I help them to come to terms with and to understand that there really is no such thing as a perfect parent.” ― Gwendolyn Nelson-Terry, a marriage and family therapist in California

“I am so worried all the time. I wasn’t like this before.”

“When a woman becomes a mother, her brain changes. Amygdala fires up, gray matter becomes denser and oxytocin increases the activities in the regions that control empathy, anxiety and social interaction. The plus side of oxytocin is increased maternal bonding, the downside is overwhelming love and protectiveness, hence the anxious feeling. You love the baby, and it’s a good thing. I work with women with learning mindfulness strategies to alleviate the anxious response and to find resources to help decrease the stress. Remember, as long as you have your basic safety covered, most babies can adapt to various circumstances. My sister once forgot to change her baby’s diaper for a whole day, now her baby is in college. Have more faith in your baby. After all, your baby is the product of millions of years of human evolution.” ― Mabel Yiu, a marriage and family therapist in California

“Parenthood is putting a strain on my relationship with my partner.”

“One of the greatest issues new parents bring to therapy is the issue of losing quality time with each other. The new baby is very demanding of their time, especially that of the new mother. Parents’ emotional, physical, sexual and spiritual intimacy are often challenged and sometimes threatened by the lack of quality time together. Practical approaches to helping them to deal with this issue are to have a weekly date night, securing the help of trusted family members and friends to assist with childcare and to give mom a break during the day, ensuring her own physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual care. Further, mom and dad must decide on a division of labor, including household chores, especially if they are both working outside the home.” ― Joyce Morley, a marriage and family therapist in Georgia. 

“This is supposed to be the sweetest time of my life. Why don’t I feel it?”

“We have all been exposed to the beautiful mother-baby bonding images in baby product advertising and social media. What those images don’t show is the woman feeling exhausted and having clots bleeding out of her woman hole. Other mothers don’t talk about it because exhaustion begets selective memory. Having a baby changes everything, mind and the body, so take it easy. Here are a few things you can do. First, take a moment and detach from that ‘supposed’ beautiful mother-baby bonding image. Search for some parenting humor sites that ‘get’ you, and then Google the word ‘lochia.’ Take note of the small, endearing moments because there are little moments you can still savor.” ― Yiu

“I’m afraid of becoming my mother.”

“Having a child often triggers us to reflect on our own upbringing and parental relationships. Therefore, in therapy, fears or concerns can arise in new parents about potentially repeating dysfunctional familial patterns and/or parenting styles. Clients who did not have positive parental role models may worry that they don’t have the necessary tools or experience to draw upon in order to raise their own children in a healthy, loving way. This can be particularly worrisome for new parents who come to therapy with a history of trauma or abuse. Although it’s true that our childhood experiences can shape who we are and how we may instinctually parent, it does not always mean that we are doomed to recreate the mistakes of our parents.” ― Griffith

“I’m so overwhelmed.”

“After the birth of a baby, family and friends often want to come help, but it is so important for new parents to set their own boundaries, decide how they want to spend this precious time with their baby and focus on settling into their new normal as a family.  It is completely OK to say ‘no’ to the uninvited houseguest if it doesn’t fit into your plan or vision for the first few weeks or months of your child’s life. New parents receive many tips and pointers from well-meaning advice-givers, but sometimes this advice can come across as intrusive and even judgmental. I sometimes advise new parents to have a short response ready to go for these situations, which can help them remain grounded and empowered in such moments.” ― Sarah Weisberg, a licensed psychologist and founder of Potomac Therapy Group

“I feel so alone.”

“New parents in therapy at my practice will often talk about feeling isolated, lonely, sad and very often worried about doing things ‘right.’ It is so important that we lift the stigma around seeking mental health care and that new parents are encouraged to build up a solid scaffolding of support before and after a baby arrives. I encourage new parents to seek therapy and join a new parents support group online or in-person (if feasible).” ― Weisberg

Quotes have been edited and condensed for clarity.  

RELATED…

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Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/

[the-still-small-voice]

I wrote “Ritual” to coax the obsessive compulsive out of me. Not just OCD, but fear in general. I wasn’t thinking about an audience at the time, which tends to be helpful for my own creative process. It was late at night and I found myself cross-legged on the carpet of my parents’ new house, grappling with the way “going home” holds an element of comfort, while simultaneously causing you to revert to the age in which you left it. 

When I was a little girl, I washed my hands raw. I had rituals that made my family want to put their heads through the walls. At bedtime, I had to tap the window on the side of my bed until I felt the terror dissipate - convinced that myself or someone I loved would be hurt / die and it would inevitably be my fault if I didn’t. I couldn’t handle the idea of life having an endpoint, even when my own life had barely begun. To this day, I’m still trying to understand the “why” of it all. Was it some childhood trauma(s) I do or don’t remember? Can it be credited to genetics? 

The jury is still out, but I’ve theorized (and have been fairly vocal at shows), that some portion of my childhood (and current) neuroses, have to do with “The Fear of God” being instilled in me at an age when I should have been more concerned with finger painting than learning peoples’ theories on eternal damnation. Instead, they went hand-in-hand. 

It’s funny to see the look on my friends’ faces when I describe the level of theatrics I witnessed in Sunday school: Teens and adults elaborately dressed in creepy worm-like costumes, illuminated by black-lights and meant to represent demons, as they terrorized some poor human character, until a white-robed Jesus shows up on the scene at the last minute to save the day

At this point, it feels like a cliche to even write about it, or about the hyper-emphasis on scripture-memorization. How do you contextualize genocide to a five-year old learning about why Jesus ended up having to be born in a stable? How do you justify God’s choice to pull a similar move, setting the stage for all those cute cartoon animals floating in a giant boat above their dead friends? 

I’m currently re-reading the old testament from as un-biased a view as I can muster, and let me tell you: It’s fucked up. People in church talk about the Bible like it’s “Chicken Soup for The Soul,” but it’s not. It’s wild and scary and poetic , but reading it does NOT make everything suddenly okay. In my parents’ attempts to help their frightened daughter, Christian counseling offered little more than more scriptures to quote and Joyce Meyers cassettes to listen to - perpetuating the idea that the right words or actions could keep me safe. 

But God was the one I was afraid of. 

Ritual was written about the anxiety I still couldn’t seem to escape, even as an adult. But in writing and recording it, and now releasing a music video to embody it, I’ve been able to alchemize that pain in a way I could not have done had I kept it to myself. Instead, I’ve realized how not alone I am. 

Each time I meet someone who shares the same space and says, “I really connected with that specific song,” I surrender to my own story a little more. My grip loosens, and the toxic notion that something is inherently broken in me dissipates. I met one of my best friends because he stumbled upon “Ritual,” and claims he listened to it every day for three months to help him get through a dark period of his life. That makes all the hard stuff worth it. 

Now, we’re in the beginning stages of working on my next album together. I couldn’t have made something like that happen on my own. I believe something / someone divine has a hand in this whole existence thing - even despite having been afraid for so long. 

I just had to get close enough to it to understand it wasn't what I’d been told. 

In the words of Kevin McAllister: “I'm not afraid anymore! Do you hear me? I'm not afraid anymore!”  

(Okay, still a little afraid, but I’ve come a long way). 

I needed to make this video. Right before I moved from Nashville, it hit my like a lightning bolt, so my friend Emily and I set one of the few remaining days aside to film. I needed to finish this part of the MANAGE e.p.’s story before I could move on to the next phase, and I needed to give this song due credit for changing my life. 

I hope it loosens that knot in the pit of your stomach, even a little bit.  

You’re not alone. 

Love.

- Christiana

[goldfistgirl]

Anxiety

OCD used to be classified as anxiety until it became a distinct disorder in and of itself 

OCD compulsions or obsessions are often accompanied by dysfunctional behaviors to relieve intense anxiety (IE, staying inside your house due to anxiety about uncleanliness outside)

GAD means you are continuously tense or apprehensive, experiencing unfocused, negative, and out-of-control feelings

My feelings are often out-of-control and only relieved through irrational, self-destructive behaviors. My insecurity calls for constant reassurance, and my anxiety disorder causes for me to ask for that reassurance in a dysfunctional way

Randomly apprehensive or anxious just sitting at work, just sitting at home, often only relieved by distracting myself with friends, 

Fear of anxiety leads to phobias which lead to avoidance behaviors.

I have avoidance behaviors toward being seen by others, specifically having my name or life known by people online if i became a popular artist/writer/whatever online

I also have avoidance behavior when it comes to intimacy, like kissing or accepting flowers, and especially expressing love deeply, admitting to feeling connected to a person, saying I love you and deeply meaning it, all of that. anything romantic terrifies me. the thought of my own wedding terrifies me because i’d be so vulnerable and sharing intimate thoughts with a lot of my loved ones, and i have a lot of anxiety and insecurity about their judgments of me. i’m very traumatized from being bullied so harshly by GG and so disconnected from my father and other family, and left behind by my mother and grandma Joyce

So anxious around some people that I feel suddenly and strangely disconnected from reality, like I’m watching a movie, or stop recognizing the person and become confused. I struggle to concentrate so much that I sort of lose memory and order in my thoughts, and become disoriented and confused about my setting or the direction of the conversation. i may experience cognitive dissonance: why am i around this person who makes me feel bad/anxious/insecure? and that thought will be followed by a strange numbness or confusion and a feeling of my thoughts being disorganized, and a lot of confusion about why my emotions are so hurt/elevated if my brain is telling me i logically dont like how i feel around this person, tehrefore do not like them

Blush intensely and very easily, sometimes experience chest tightness, a lot of mind fog when trying to approach issues of intimacy (serious anxiety around intimacy), i feel shaky and overwhelmed

Sometimes i will become low energy and lose sight of the direction a conversation was going even if i do like the person and am not experiencing cognitive dissonance. 

unable to sleep due to obsessively thinking about why my feelings are so overwhelming and hurt when i dislike someone, lose sleep worrying about the direction of my life and why i’m so afraid of intimacy, mad that josh opened the door for me to be very insecure about my sexual and intimate issues, my worries about inadequacy and intimacy with Josh are a serious obsession and symptom of GAD

Unable to fall asleep most nights even if I dont’ have a worry, and the worry comes from just lying trying to fall asleep

Severe nightmares and frequent lucid dreaming that is distressing due to how difficult it can be for me to differentiate from dreams and reality at times when I’m first waking up

I think a lot about why I do the things I do when it comes to relationships

I feel I am losing control

I enjoy my favorite activities less

Escapism has historically been a major crutch for me, like Emmerdale

My muscles are often tense or sore, I have bad neck pain from work that is worsened through tense muscles and anxiety

I have a tic that is driven by this physical tension that builds and is only released through doing my tic, and when I am anxious, the tic gets worse

I have a lot of headaches

Easily irritated at all times, very on edge most of the day

Not able to be happy like the people around me, feel odd that I can’t get excited to do anything like I used to, new projects don’t excite me, I just get sad when I think about them since I know I won’t do them

Lately I focus a lot on the situations upsetting me in my life, and I used to never to do that, so I obsess on the issues and then also on the fact that I obsess. I am confused why I am no longer well-adjusted and extremely depressed and upset that I am so emotional, I am not at ease with what I am feeling and feel guilty and bad about my self-image changing in a way that I do not respect in myself. Cannot accept that I worry so much now when I used to never. 

Very focused on “why” I do things, overthinking and overanalyzing what motivates me to do certain things, in what way am I broken etc, whereas I used to just sort of accept that I did things and worried less about what drove me to do those things since it seemed counterproductive to being true to myself to question myself with “why” all the them

Issues never resolve after talking about them for hours, many times over weeks and even months, harbor hurt feelings and stress about ancient problems, even small things like someone canceling plans to see a different person

Often think about how unsatisfied I am with life.

I have extreme difficulty concentrating or remembering things.

I feel nothing will help me stop worrying so much and treat people fairly, I feel guilty for how obsessive I am toward the wrongs people do toward me

Difficult relaxing or getting my mind off my problems

Extreme indecision about shit that doesn’t matter, like whether or not to get a red or blue backpack. i have a lot of anxiety about potentially making the wrong decision

I am afraid of being abandoned. I think my abandonment issues and emotional trauma from GG bullying/abusing me have lead me to have a bad case of GAD and intimacy phobia.

I don’t like being this way, but I don’t know what to do to change and it makes me feel worse that I can’t just live in the moment and enjoy my time with Josh. I often blame Josh for not fixing it by taking the lead and making me feel less afraid, and it’s unfair of me to blame someone else for something that is clearly a disorder

Things are often too much work, like actually starting my podcast or blog or cleaning my house, it all feels too overwhelming and I actually get anxiety about starting

Extremely afraid of humiliation or embarrassment, like chronically unable to handle embarrassment. Once dropped an entire college course due to embarrassing myself once in class

Fear of humiliation leads to extreme fear of being vulnerable in intimate situations specifically. Fear of performing badly intimately has lead me to freeze my entire body and stare blankly for extended periods of time while my partner is confused about why I’ve suddenly stopped moving, I dodge kisses, prevent the organic rhythm of sex or kissing because I am afraid of the intimacy while at the same time feeling anxious about the fact that I don’t have it, compulsions to avoid are illogical and self-destructive toward my goals of building a loving organic relationship

Old memories are very intrusive and I have a hard time changing my thoughts when it occurs, at the moment dealing with drama with Josh so memories with him are intrusive, but once i’m in an anxious state, memories of chase or whatever else will intrude, and recently my old bad feelings from that actually returned, which was alarming since i haven’t felt bad about him in almost a decade

most of the time, however, my memory is shit and i barely remember most people, places i’ve been, etc, i have a very limited memory. so it’s not intrusive memories i’m usaully plagued by, it’s the issue is that worrisome thoughts and a running “tally” of things done wrong to me intrude my mind and I can’t work past them or stop feeling hurt/paranoid that more wrongdoing will happen to me. and i can’t leave people who make me feel bad because the need for them to like me makes me want to stay around for as long as possible and earn it and prove i’m worthy

i feel a lot of my worries are extremely paranoid (he lied to me!!!) and i have a hard time telling if my fear is justified or not. he’s lied to me in the past, so i’m justifiably worried, but i also worry about it so much that i can’t function at work, enjoy my hobbies at home, sleep, or clean

sometimes i’m plagued by a fear that i’ve gone crazy. i used to be so well-adjusted, smart, motivated, and excited about life. i was often forgetful and had a lot of ADHD-like symptoms, but I never even associated them with disorders. I just went on being myself and accepted my insecurities or fears as they came and moved on from them, but now I feel I have all these disorders that have popped up, like depression, anxiety, maybe adhd, that i dont know how to cope with

Memory Loss:

Entire gaps of my life are forgotten in a way that feels extremely abnormal, like sincerely struggle to remember things that most other people seem to recall easily, like where they grew up or stuff like that, i’m often called out for forgetting things i’ve done with friends or loved ones, struggle to remember people and places from important times of my life, often feel frustrated and confused by my inability to recall things

Anxiety produces a lot of cortisol, cortisol affects our brains and leads to memory loss and problems with recall

my anxiety absorbed so much of my mental energy and was such a distraction that i feel i was unable to build memories and can’t focus on the things much, especially not things I need to or want to.

Often so stressed/anxious i’m unable to register what people are saying to me or absorb what they’re saying

The stress of the anxiety and fear is so intense that I actually don’t remember things, sometimes even what triggered my fear, because the feeling was so strong

Often sleep deprived, so building memories is hard

Don’t have much social support, so I have a harder time remembering things well. apparently social support contributes to better memory, so my memory loss may be a secondary symptom of lack of social support

i’m mostly ok with my memory loss, it doesn’t upset me, i’m just intrigued by the fact that something I always knew about myself seems to be a potential symptom of GAD

Healing:

Stop shaming myself for experiencing anxiety when it comes to intimacy

Accept that I am this way and that that is not inherently bad, it just is

Remind myself that I have overcome a lot of my fears

Josh cannot be my crutch for overcoming my fears; he has helped a lot, but he has also triggered many of them a lot. i need to distance myself from him so i can achieve these on my own

Continue to stay okay experiencing anxiety throughout the day. I rarely mind it or obsess on it when it happens, it’s really only an issue when I become emotionally overwhelmed or challenged beyond my means of coping, which so far has been most intensely experienced with Josh. but also how i freaked out with my motorcycle, for example

[ao3feed-strangerthings]

We're Messed Up. Obviously.

read it on the AO3 at http://ift.tt/2in6QTq

by Isaac_Potato

Steve is suffering from a list of mental disorders. He goes to a group home as a last effort, and makes new friends who share all of his issues, including his very attractive roommate. He goes through a journey, with a spiritual counselor who believes in modern medicine, a security guard who pretends he doesn't care, and a nurse who secretly wants him and his roommate to get together. He just hopes this home works out.

Words: 2102, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Stranger Things (TV 2016)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Steve Harrington, Billy Hargrove, Jonathan Byers, Nancy Wheeler, Joyce Byers, Jim "Chief" Hopper, Dustin Henderson, Lucas Sinclair, Mike Wheeler, Will Byers, Eleven (Stranger Things), Maxine "Max" Mayfield

Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington, Jonathan Byers/Nancy Wheeler

Additional Tags: Angst, Fluff, Group Homes, Mental Health Issues, Depression, Anxiety, Eating Disorders, OCD, Steve never dated Nancy, au-modern era, side jopper, because everyone ships it and i do too, I gave the characters my issues and I feel so bad, Forgive Me, Bisexual Steve Harrington, bisexual billy hargrove, Outside characters, Joyce isn't Jonathan's mother, But she's his counselor, And it's basically the same in this story, Billy has anger issues, but he isnt a racist asshole, he's basically like Dacre except he's not because he's still Billy, just a nicer billy, because hes getting the help he needs, He also has shorter hair

read it on the AO3 at http://ift.tt/2in6QTq

[ao3feed-strangerthings]

We're Messed Up. Obviously.

read it on the AO3 at http://ift.tt/2Ag7bxN

by Isaac_Potato

Steve is suffering from a list of mental disorders. He goes to a group home as a last effort, and makes new friends who share all of his issues, including his very attractive roommate. He goes through a journey, with a spiritual counselor who believes in modern medicine, a security guard who pretends he doesn't care, and a nurse who secretly wants him and his roommate to get together. He just hopes this home works out.

Words: 2102, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Stranger Things (TV 2016)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Steve Harrington, Billy Hargrove, Jonathan Byers, Nancy Wheeler, Joyce Byers, Jim "Chief" Hopper, Dustin Henderson, Lucas Sinclair, Mike Wheeler, Will Byers, Eleven (Stranger Things), Maxine "Max" Mayfield

Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington, Jonathan Byers/Nancy Wheeler

Additional Tags: Angst, Fluff, Group Homes, Mental Health Issues, Depression, Anxiety, Eating Disorders, OCD, Steve never dated Nancy, au-modern era, side jopper, because everyone ships it and i do too, I gave the characters my issues and I feel so bad, Forgive Me, Bisexual Steve Harrington, bisexual billy hargrove, Outside characters, Joyce isn't Jonathan's mother, But she's his counselor, And it's basically the same in this story, Billy has anger issues, but he isnt a racist asshole, he's basically like Dacre except he's not because he's still Billy, just a nicer billy, because hes getting the help he needs, He also has shorter hair

read it on the AO3 at http://ift.tt/2Ag7bxN