Looking back, I’ll never tell you it was easy to get to where I am today..
I am far from where I want to be and I have much still left to learn and understand about myself and life.
It’s been a long and hard journey that has taken everything I have,
And truthfully,
Most days I don’t know how I survive.
I get knocked down and kicked around until I think I can’t go on..
But I do and always have..
You do it long enough that survival mode becomes a way of life.
Honestly, I’ve done most of the damage to myself with bad decisions and self doubt,
But that’s just part of the process, I guess.
I never thought I’d learn to rise above and find my way,
But I did and I still am, every day.
And I’m still learning- I have far yet to go.
I have days that take everything I’ve got to survive and nights that seem to never end.
I’ve been a horrible person but I’ve also chosen to do good things too.
I’m flawed, broken and messed up..
But I also have a big heart, beautiful thoughts and a kind spirit..
And it’s a battle between both sides, every day.
I have more good days than bad now, but it’s still hard.
I don’t win as much as I lose,
But that’s okay.
I’m learning, I’m growing and I’m trying to be better today than I was yesterday.
I can’t ever take back all the pain I’ve caused and I can’t undo the wrong I’ve done..
But I’m trying to make amends, rebuild trust and maybe in time, be a good person..
Or at least feel good about where I am in my journey.
I don’t like what I see in the mirror and haven’t in a long time..
But there are glimpses of hope every so often.
I know it’ll take time, but I’m working on it- working on me, one day at a time the best that I can.
So, maybe some day when you see me finally flying high and shining brightly,
I’ll tell you the story of how I found my wings..
It won’t be a tale of glorious victory and dazzling dreams..
No, it’ll be a story of failure, darkness and fighting to get better and be stronger.
It won’t be shiny and happy, but it’ll be real..
And it’ll be me.
And in the end, that’s what will matter most in my journey:
That I battled, kept going and found my way.
Overcame my failures and learned from my mistakes.
Maybe it’ll be a beautiful day, that day when I tell you that story.
Maybe not.
But it will be real.
And that’s the kind of stuff that matters.
The painful hard truths that get us where we need to be.
One glorious but messy day at a time.
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"It isn't what you think..."
As we move through life, we come across those who seem to have these "cookie-cutter" lifestyles. Everything for these people seems to go just swimmingly. They never seem to have any form of hardship, and for them, everything is a "yes." That is - until it isn't. Coming through life in such an "easy" way is not at all beneficial. When one has it all handed to them, they don't know how to treat others. And they especially don't know how to handle being told that what they're doing to others isn't right, or receiving the word NO when they want something.
This isn't written to bash anyone or to make entitled people look bad. In many cases, they do that themselves.
But if you feel like you have had a difficult path in life and that others around you have had it easy, don't feel bad. Don't feel bad for reaching certain goals or milestones later than others have. Don't feel bad for seeing some things as difficult when others find those same things to be easy. On that same note, don't feel bad for not wanting to be around people who you know will only talk down upon you and belittle your efforts (i.e., those same entitled people described above.) The work you are doing is improving your skill in life. You have what you have because you are earning it.
Doing this work will not only allow you to appreciate what you have in your life but will also allow you to recognize the work that others are doing around you. You'll respect what others are doing. You will better respect them as people, something that you should be proud of.
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True me.. Tap-1858..
There’s something truly special about the people who brighten up your world. You know the ones; they’re always there with a listening ear, a supportive hand, or a hilarious joke. They’re like discovering a secret garden in the middle of the city; unexpected, beautiful, and a total breath of fresh air. These are the folks who make life’s journey a whole lot more enjoyable.
So, let’s take a moment…
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