#John's has to be the opposite his whole Thing is 'everyone would hate me and abandon me if I were honest with them'

[aethelwyneleigh27]

Some Dad!Cod Character Scenario and Appreciation Post

Characters In Mind: Simon "Ghost" Riley, John "Soap" MacTavish, Kyle "Gaz" Garrick, Alejandro Vargas, Rodolfo "Rudy" Parra, Alex Keller, König, Keegan P. Russ, Gary "Roach" Sanderson.

The original creator of the picture, they also have so many works that are used in so many fanfics as well so please credit her. I found her account here on Tumblr (@ave661) and here is the post.

AFAB!Reader and used pronouns are "you"

Apologies if this is a bit too short but;

ꕥ HOPE YOU ENJOY! ꕥ

A/n: I've had a good but also bad week (good thanks to @puff0o0 and other extremely sweet mutuals), it's neutral, I'm not here to rant of any sort but my personal life has not been good. I understand that not everyone will like me but it feels as though everyone hates me, most of those people happen to be at school. Sure I'm not really going to do anything about it because I prefer avoiding conflict but those same people are trying to flip the story around as if I'm the one who hates them when in reality I don't and by being mean to me they're giving me a reason to dislike them. Sure I'm average academically, sometimes I have difficulty pulling my weight in group works and I'm not outstanding in reportings but we all have our difficulties. I just don't understand people who love to hate on others because they have nothing better to do.

This is a word of advice to everyone, don't let others let you feel insignificant, you aren't and you have many talents that make you different from them. (I don't really practice what I preach because I love self-deprication, however I don't want people to feel the way I do because I know what it can cause)

Disclaimers/warnings: OOC??, Pregnancy, Implied birth, Children (Pretty sure that was obvious from the title), People who don't want/hate children be warned.

Short note: This is also a dedication to all the Mistki and Hozier fans out there <3

He was so used to the smell of hospitals, the smell of medication, it always indicated death for him but this was a whole new feeling. It was the opposite of what he has seen most of his life

So much so that he refused to hold them, afraid of potentially hurting the fragile little one. He looked at you as if you were crazy when you tried to hand him the baby, "Come on now love, you can't just avoid holding them forever" you said to him as of it was a life or death situation.

Hesitantly letting you guide him through the proper way to hold them, he felt his breath hitch at the sound of cooing. The first time the baby opened it's eyes, the first thing they saw being their dad.

The moment he looked at the baby sealed it, he was going to protect them their whole life, he would go as far as feeling all the guilt of having blood on their hands again if it meant your baby would be protected and cared for.

The baby was so small that it's little head was practically the size of his palm, he didn't know initially what to do when the baby cried and shocked himself when he managed to make them stop.

Once the baby was old enough to crawl, he'd let the baby crawl all over him. The little one babbling non-sense while he just chuckled and replied as if he understood what the baby was saying. Gods be damned if he misses an important milestone such as their first word or their first time walking.

You'd often wake up to seeing him shirtless snoozing on the couch, the tv playing only ads for home appliances late at night while the baby only in a diaper having skin to skin contact with their dad, his huge hand big enough to support the little one from falling.

He almost cried the first time your baby reached for his face an touched it, resting it's tiny little fingers on his cheek, giving him a gummy smile. His little one unaware that they just healed something they never broke.

He NEVER wants to ever see your little one grow up, though sure it makes more memories with them, sometimes they just wish time stops for a second so they can enjoy the moment longer.

Initially was terrified that he'd pass his trauma down but he realized that wouldn't be possible and he will NOT ever let them go through what he did.

Eventually chose to resign from his work because the risk was far too much, what if he died? He'd leave you and your child to grieve over him? He won't be there for them growing up and he'd miss everything.

Sure he's worked most his life to get where he is now but nothing is ever worth more than spending a lifetime with you and your child together. He's been lonely almost all his life until he met you.

You are his family, his everything. He promised that whatever happens, he'll crawl home to you...

[wwasted]

on this Halloween i bring u this thought: figure skater gale au 🧎🏼‍♀️

Rich, pair figure skater Gale whose family moved to Wisconsin to further his skating career. Marge is his partner. He’s a bit of an ice princess (stoic, bitchy, very blunt) and dating his equally rich quarterback boyfriend. The boyfriend is a total self obsessed douche but they’re both dedicated to their sports so he never gets mad at Gale when Gale has to cancel or doesn’t text. He also makes his parents happy, because of his equal status and they’ve always been weird about him being gay so he figures why the fuck not. He keeps him around, even if the sex is shit.

Enter John. He’s a troublemaking burn out who has absolutely no interest in college, which is funny because he’s constantly hanging around their local college. And that’s only because his best friend Curt attends and someone has to save his ass from the rich pricks and nerds. they’re always at parties and hotboxing Curt’s dormroom (is Curt fucking the RA so he looks the other way? Probably) It’s hard not to be bitter when the whole town wrote him off before he even had the chance because of who his old man is, so he takes a special kind of pleasure in fucking with them and showing that he can be even worse.

They are absolute opposites in every way, and yet they can’t stay away from each other. They love arguing despite the fact that they shouldn’t even talk to each other because they’re in such different circles. Gale is constantly playing the “I’m better than you and you should be thankful I even look at you” card which backfires because it just makes John wanna hold him down and fuck him until he’s begging. Eventually the arguing becomes foreplay and the foreplay turns into them actually hatefucking. And he’s still definitely dating the douche quarterback, but honestly that just makes it hotter for both of them. The sneaking around, the fights in public where everyone thinks they hate each other, but secretly they’ll meet up in the some bedroom or bathroom of whatever house party they’re at and John will fuck Gale until he cries with a hand over his mouth because it turns out you never learn volume control when you don’t typically have a reason to moan or be loud.

(When Gale would have sex with his boyfriend, he would just lay there and get lost in his head, he’d go over the routines with Marge he wanted to improve, what assignments he had for class, he viewed it as his down time where he could get some mental housekeeping done. At least then they both got something out of it. Either way, he never got the urge to moan or make a single sound. And he often had the excuse of needing to be quiet so it worked anyway. The first time Bucky fucks Gale, he’s honestly expecting the same situation but thank fuck their first time manages to be somewhere they have time and is fairly private bc Gale is LOUD. At first Bucky thinks that he’s just faking it, and honestly gets kind of pissed, so he starts going deeper, harder, handling him rougher. But that just makes the noises and moans coming out of Gale even louder, more unhinged, his nails embedding themselves in John’s back and ass and he’s definitely going to end up with scars if they keep doing this. And he really fucking hopes they do. Gale sounds like he’s dying for John’s cock when he comes. He hasn’t even heard some of those noises in porn. Bucky never shuts up about it. Gale gets even bitchier when he’s embarrassed. It’s an endless feedback loop that leads to a lot of rough dirty sex.)

They get off on talking shit about each other to other people and seeing if it ends up getting to the other person. And if it does, repeating what was said during sex. “I wonder what everyone will think when they find out that you love being on your knees for me, since ya know, I’m such worthless trash” “begging for me? But I thought you wouldn’t touch me with a 10 foot pole since the frost would make your dick fall off” It becomes a thing. Until it doesn’t. Because at some point the hate fucking turns into deep emotional fucking where it’s pretty obvious they’re in love with each other. Instead of it being hot to sneak around on Gale’s idiot boyfriend, John wants to beat the shit out of him every time he sees him. Wants to tell him that he’ll never have Gale like John does. And when some guy or girl inevitably talks about how hot John is while Gale is within hearing distance, he wants to brag about how John would never touch them when he has Gale. So something has to give. Gale’s rich friends are shocked and appalled when they find out he’s dating Bucky. It’s honestly kind of a mini scandal at the college. Gale Cleven and John Egan? Unheard of.

But even when they’re in love and they’re dating, Gale is so bitchy. All the time. Constantly threatening Bucky that he won’t put out ever again bc Bucky didn’t respond to a text fast enough (the irony is not lost him) constantly smacking his hand away and turning his head when John tries to kiss him. Total brat. And John loves it. Is obsessed with it. The meaner Gale is to him, the harder he gets. And while Gale may be bitchy, all it takes is a few “princess” or “c’mon doll” in that voice and a hand sliding up under his shirt for Gale to cave and allow Bucky to touch him again.

They do have their sweet moments, especially after sex. if John fucks him just right, it’s like his brain reboots itself and he forgets that he’s supposed to be prickly. He’ll lay his head on John’s chest and shove his face into his neck and nuzzle. He’ll place soft kisses anywhere he can reach. He’ll say I love you while his fingers are tangled in John’s hair.

John loves that version of him just as much as the bitchy one. In fact, John would happily spend the rest of his life thawing his ice princess, just to let him refreeze and start all over.

Thots?

[unordinary-diary]

Blyke and John: Parallel Characters

I’ve written multiple entries about this,

[x] [x] [x]

But I’m back to make a comprehensive analysis about the glaring similarities between these two. I’ll try not to repeat myself here.

‼️SPOILER WARNING for the whole series‼️ but this mostly focuses on the story before John’s suspension.

Firstly, this scene:

ch. 121

This conversation takes place near the beginning of the Joker arc. It’s after John targets Zeke, after he targets Juni, and the day before he goes after Seraphina’s kidnappers. The timing is important.

“If someone hit your best friend, would you let it slide?”

That question is supposed to remind us what John does to people who hurt Seraphina: hunting them down and sending them to the hospital. Blyke shooting a destructive beam really close to John was an example of a trait they share: they both blow up violently when people mistreat their friends.

John’s downward spiral carries strong themes of hypocrisy. He’s angry at the world, he’s angry at himself, and as a coping mechanism, he chooses to believe that everyone else is as bad as he is. That means that most of the traits he hates others for are the same things he hates about himself. In this scene, Blyke is unintentionally calling out this hypocrisy: “What I did is no different from what you do”.

But Blyke’s just trying to connect with John here, he has no idea what John’s been doing. And John, of course, doesn’t give a shit about what Blyke has to say. This line was here for the audience to notice.

They’re both so similar, but their similarity immediately causes tension between them because, well, John was on the wrong end of Blyke’s protectiveness.

I really love the way this was written— there are so many flashbacks to this scene, but they remember it differently. John remembers the part that hurt him— he’d describe it as “the time that jackass shot a beam at me”. Blyke remembers the part that hurt him, or rather, hurt Remi: “the time that jackass hit Remi for no reason”.

Blyke and John are both hotheaded characters with strong ideals. They’re similar enough that Seraphina points it out:

(ch. 80)

As Blyke grows as a character, he becomes more like John: sticking up for low tiers and speaking out against the injustice in the world. But while Blyke is doing that more, John is going in the opposite direction, until they are fully opposed to each other.

Speaking of Blyke’s character arc, it took me a few rereads to actually understand what part of him changed. His kindness, selflessness, bravery— all of those things were there from the start. Blyke’s character arc was about becoming more aware of his surroundings, and how his carelessness can harm others. Blyke was never malicious, but after X-Rei and integrating more with the school, he becomes aware of people suffering around him and how he unintentionally contributes to it. He becomes less reckless, privy to the flaws in the system he grew up not questioning, and uses his power more responsibly. He even comes up with a more controlled way to wield his ability. The part of Blyke that changes is his maturity.

Part of John’s character arc is also about being careful. It’s not as close of a parallel as other things are, but one of the things that John works on during his redemption arc is holding back. Both of them learn self-control throughout the series, and for John, that means acting early before his emotions spiral out of hand.

Adding onto my first point about the two of them wanting to protect their friends— the fact that they can’t do that makes them both angry and desperate. For most of the story, the “block” that prevents John from protecting Seraphina is in his head. It’s his own trauma that holds him back. The block that prevents Blyke from protecting his friends is, guess what? Also John’s trauma! Parallels abound.

Another thing I noticed in Episode 80 is this:

Notice that when Seraphina says “I’d take that over strength any day,” John is looking at the camera. He’s avoiding Sera’s gaze. Seraphina is saying she prefers honesty over strength. John is very strong, and very dishonest, but Seraphina thinks the opposite because John is so dishonest. John appears to be reflecting on this disconnect.

In relation to this analysis, Seraphina is actually pointing out a major difference between Blyke and John. Beyond that, she’s praising Blyke’s traits, (less strong but very open) above John’s traits, (strong as fuck but a liar with his pants on fire). Furthermore, John really cares what Seraphina thinks of him. Knowing that she would think less of him is the main reason why he spent so much time and effort preventing her from catching his lies.

This leads into my main point here: Blyke is the “goody-two-shoes” version of John. Or, more accurately, the person that John wants to be. Blyke has a clean track record and doesn’t really get into trouble. He is respected and left alone by the school without being hated and feared, he de-escalates conflicts without taking things too far, he doesn’t lose control, he’s someone Seraphina thinks highly of, hell, even his grades are better! Blyke represents everything that John wants to be, and the person that he could have been if he’d gone down a different path.

But, crucially, John is also what Blyke wants to be. Well, not wholly, but his ability? His strength? It’s one of the things John hates about himself, but Blyke wants that strength so desperately that he risks his life for it over and over again.

They’re both desperate to be like each other, even when they hate each other the most. Neither of them have any idea how alike they already are.

I don’t know what Season 3 holds in store for us, but I do hope that John realizes that Blyke embodies who he wants to be, because mutual jealousy would be a very interesting dynamic to explore in my opinion. I also hope that it ends up being something they can bond over, by helping each other accomplish their personal goals. (Blyke being another helper in John’s character arc, and John helping Blyke train.)

A side note: John beat up Blyke four separate times. That’s more than any other character, which is interesting because John’s main rival is supposed to be Arlo. For reference, John has beaten Arlo twice, three times if you count the time when Seraphina intervened, and he only beat him unconscious once. But John beat Blyke to the point of passing out all four times, the worst of which being a shot clean through his chest. (shoulder? Unclear. S1 finale).

It’s odd, isn’t it? Out of everyone, Blyke is the one who John physically hurt the most. John’s only grudge against him is an old memory from episode 33, of an event that didn’t actually harm him. John’s grudge against Arlo is much more serious and again— that’s his main rival. So why is it that he’s so much more violent towards Blyke?

The problem here is that I’ve been thinking about these fights as “John picking on Blyke”. And that’s… kind of true? But while Blyke didn’t start any of these fights, they were all consensual in a way. He didn’t seek to fight John, nor was he ever happy about fighting John, but he was always a willing participant.

(138, 153, 206, & 211)

In three out of these four fights, John didn’t even expect to be fighting Blyke going into it. This is significant because while Arlo is John’s main rival, John absolutely fills that role for Blyke. Blyke’s own agency is what leads to most of these events. The reason, narratively speaking, why they fight so much is not for John’s character, but for Blyke.

For John, his reason for fighting Blyke so much is not narrative but moreso symbolic. John is angry at everyone and everything, but ultimately the person he hates the most is himself. It’s only fitting that the character most like him would bear the brunt of his wrath.

As John is having his positive character arc (suspension and post-suspension), he is becoming more like Blyke, and the two of them reach a point where they’re even more similar than they were at the start of the series.

In the Rowden amusement park, John does start to realize how similar they are:

(249)

Additionally, I want to draw your attention to the parallels between this scene:

Blyke and John’s argument in chapter 249

(which the image limit won’t let me add, scroll until you see red hair.)

And this scene:

Argument in ch. 121 (it’s at the beginning)

Two sides of the same coin.

Furthermore, in the S2 finale, Blyke is shown being taken to Keon. There is an implication that by Season 3, Blyke and John will share Keon-related trauma as well. Despite my pessimistic predictions, I do hope that this is a similarity that can bring them together rather than tear them apart.

[r0semirages]

So. I made an RTC swap au!!

It started just with an idea of John Doe!Ricky that I had for a pretty long time, but recently I decided to turn it into something cooler, so I made this whole thing. Maybe I'll sketch their designs later (or at least make picrews of them), but idk how much time it will take. I haven't change some things, like the relationships between some characters, because I thought it wouldn't work very well. But, this isn't fully finished yet, so there's some moments that may be changed in the future.

I imagine this AU more like a play, than a musical and honestly I really don't think that it'll become something serious, cause I'm not that good at writing and creating full stories, so, at least at the moment, it's just for fun. Also, the designs are based on the 2016 cast, but feel free to make your own interpretations with your favorite cast. And maybe someday I'll make them too, we'll see. Anyway, hope y'all enjoy it!! (Pls excuse me if there are any mistakes, english isn't my first language, blah blah blah. Also there are a lot of spoilers for rtc, so if you plan to watch it — don't read further!)

So, first is Penny — the most imaginative girl in town. She's super silly, sometimes awkward and doesn't really have any friends because most people think she's weird. Penny often gets left out or bullied, and she uses escapism to cope with this + all the stuff with her parents, who she didn't get enough love from. Her fantasies is a bit different from the original Ricky's: they don't have a lore, she just makes up random stories to escape from reality and writes them out sometimes. She *definetely* writes fanfiction and probably posts it online. For some reason people find it cool, but no one in the choir knows about it. She's still a Seven-Up fan and she plays the ukulele (that will be used in the new birthday song for Ricky)

I changed her design just a bit, now she wears a lot of accessories, mostly pins (bc I headcanon the og Ricky having them) and it's mostly based on Emily Rohm's Penny, while her personality is more like legoland Penny's.

The next is Ocean — the angriest girl in town. Like the og Mischa, she hates her parents (but in this case they aren't adoptive) and their lifestyle, but instead of becoming the most succesful to prove that she's different from them, this Ocean just becomes a total mess and starts hating everyone. Idk if I will make her like shitty rap about money in autotune, but she definetely has a history of stealing stuff from stores, lol.

Design changes: messy hair; she doesn't have a headband and a tie, her shirt isn't fully buttoned up. She wears a sweater vest over it with a short skirt (a dress, actually).

Then we have Constance — the most succesful girl in town. She's a big nerd and spends a lot of her time studying because she wants to be the best. In general she behaves just like original Ocean and treats Noel like Ocean would treat her in the og musical (they're besties, but not really). She's pretty mean and very ambitious. This Constance doesn't have as much love for her town as the og one and she plans to move out (and become a premier minister of Canada, maybe :p) She's the one to make the final vote in this AU and of course she will choose John Doe/Ricky.

I haven't change a lot of things in the design, but her hair isn't dyed anymore, buns are down, she has a tie and maybe some hairpins. In general she looks a bit more tidy

Next one: Noel — the nicest boy in town. A complete opposite to the og Noel, he doesn't want to change anything in his life and enjoys living in Uranium. He's still super homosexual and has a big crush on Mischa, and, as I've said before he's "best friends" with Constance who treats him like shit and makes jokes about how he's never gonna breed👍🏻 /ref

He's really insecure about himself, but very friendly with everyone else (especially Mischa). He still enjoys all the french stuff, but you know, in a less... horny... way. And his mother is a baker and Noel often helps her in their cafe

He now has a short-sleeved shirt, round glasses and half of his hair is purple (it's also a bit more messy). In general I didn't change a lot in his design, but I made him such an UwU softie boy /j

Then, Mischa — the most romantic boy in town (ah yes, this one is for you, Mischa simps). He's still in love with Talia and his backstory is the same, but instead of becoming an angry rapper, he became a sad romantic guy, who dreams about moving to Ukraine with his (probably non-existing) internet fiancé. He just wants to be happy :(

Design changes: his clothes and hair aren't that messy anymore and he has a black jacket (like the one chance theatre Noel had). Also his nails are usually black or any other dark shade!!

And! Finally! My best creation yet — John Doe!Ricky. Perhaps, the rest of the choir doesn't remember him (well, in fact they do remember him, but it's a different theory and I don't want to bring it here) because he couldn't talk and no one really noticed him. The only person he was pretty close with was Penny, but still, they weren't even friends, they just standed close to each other while the choir was performing and both sat in the back of a rollercoaster when the accident happened. There will be a role-swapped version of the Savannah scene, but I don't know what name should I use instead of Savannah yet (if you have any ideas, please drop them in the comments!! I'll be very grateful)

When he gets choosen by Constance he'll came back to life as Ricky and yes, he WILL remain disabled because I'm a very big Ricky fan + a very big ableism hater, don't expect that shit from me👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻 Also he will still have 14 cats because. Why not. I love cats.

The only thing that will change is the fact that he's a little happier now?? People around him treat him better and he doesn't have to fantasize about fucking cat-people from Zolar to be happy lol. Oh man I'm writing a bit too much about him sorry I just love this guy a lot. Bless his little heart

Finally, about his design: honestly he's just a yassified version of this picture /hj

↓

Okay, so he has a head stolen from some super swag dressed in a Bowie-like style doll that for some reason was in the warehouse. He has a big purple star around one of his eyes and some parts of his hair are also colorful (purple/blue/pink). His clothes isn't very different, but maybe I'll add some more accesories

Well, that's all atm. I will try my best to make some content for this and keep developing this idea and I really really hope you will like it!

Reblogs/comments/likes are VERY appreciated and again, if you have any recommendations for improving this au I'll be really glad to hear them or just any of your thoughts!!!

Ty for reading (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠✧⁠*⁠。

[littledeadpotato]

Dracula rant:)

1st post! This'll be a book review (not very professional, cuz im not a book critic, I'll probably just write down what I liked) of the 1897's novel Dracula by Bram Stoker which I finished last night (running on 3 hours of sleep). I had a Czech translation from the library (because money) and that was Omega version from 2017 (it has a nice cover, Go check it out). This one took me a while to read, mainly because last few months im really tired and go to bed at like 23.00(??), so I read like 15 pages a day. Now to the review ;D

Started: 25/11

Finished: 30/12

Rating: 4.25/5⭐

Fun-ness: 7/10

Lovable characters: 6.5/10

Amount-of-times-I-spaces-out-because-Van Helsing-was-talking-pages-and-pages-and pages: 100000/10

When I started this I had no idea what I was getting myself into (plot wise, I knew there'd be Vampires), but I really enjoyed this book. For a 19th century novel, the characters were really fun (most of them, I couldn't bring myself to be genuinely interested in Van Helsing), I really liked Dr. Seward, Reinfield and Lucy (I liked the rest too but these just stood out to me).

I wasn't a huge fan of the way the Czechs (and other similiar groups) were depicted, it was very "us, english men, Are educated and know science! Those guys, stupid, they believe in Vampires and are crude", very not cool. The way this book describes women is also very funny, Im not saying Bram had some hate towards woman (the opposite, I think he also wrote strong female characters in his other books), but it really shows when this was written, on one page, both the men and the women are like: ,,Oh men are so strong and brave, women are so soft and delicate, they can never be as brave as men", and on the next one, everyone is worshipping Mina (which - fair).

(Spoilers ahead)

I would divide the book in few parts:

Jonathan's stay with Dracula

Lucy

Vampire hunting

Jonathan's stay with Dracula

This part I really liked, I'm part of the problem, because im aware Jonathan was going thru his worst, but cmon, it was a little funny to see Dracula climb down a wall like a lizard and Jonathan describing it in sheer horror. There were few very fun moments, but sometimes when Dracula was talking for too long, I sort of spaced out (-> my fault). I also enjoyed that one time the 3 ladies tried to drink Jonathan's blood and Dracula was just like: ,Get tf out👊'.But it was fun.

2. Lucy

This is the part where Lucy becomes the first vampire our friends have to deal with! This was my favourite part. I just really liked Mina's and Lucy's friendship (or more, I wouldn't mind lesbian vampire rep ;P). The whole events around it were at some point very frustrating, because you know whats happening and what they should do, but Van Helsing is just waiting and then is like "source: trust me bro💪", (speaking of Van Helsing, since my head is still full of Arcane, I kept imagining his voice sounding like Heimerdinger's, im sorry lol) which I understand but it results in things like one of the maids opening the window when Lucy was dead (or removing the wreath, I don't remember). Also all the stuff around the ship and the dog!!! Oh those are my fave parts of the book!!! I'm also pretty sure there were some chapters with John and Reinfield, which I also really liked. I was really dissapointed when Reinfield died cuz I enjoyed him as a character so much and was excited where his character gets (spoiler: to grave) and how his research continues (spoiler: it doesn't), that was my main moment of being pissed at Dracula and also when he started fucking with Mina which was a dick move honestly.

3. Vampire hunting

I'm pretty sure this was the longest part, which makes sense. I found it a bit funny, since Dracula keeps escaping and making his mischevious plans and spending money on shit and then Van Helsing, Arthur, John, Jonathan, Quincey and in certain parts Mina trying to catch him. It was a bit silly when I actually realised those babes are playing mouse and cat and also that Arthur spends shit ton money on this stuff. I dont even wanna know how it would go if neither of them was rich. How I said, wasn't a fan of Dracula being a bitch and making it Mina's problem, that sweet sweet woman didn't deserve it (I'm so glad Mina gets the recognision she should get in the book). ALSO CAN WE TALK ABOUT JONATHAN??? My poor man has been through the worst stuff possible through the book, he's in his late 20's and got grey hair and wrinkles just from Dracula. Also PTSD and some illness he had after getting out of the castle. Shout out to Jonathan for being the first wife guy and also LIVING THROUGH LITERAL HELL???? We dont talk about this enough T_T. Also here's my favourite fanart (idk if im just bad at looking for fanart, but this book doesn't have that much of it, like Dracula does but the side guys and Mina - Mina has few but most are with Dracula which is ickyyy - and Lucy.)

Credits to @hauntingyourself (I think)

The ending wasn't any revolutionary, it was good tho, also Quincey's death was so out my pocket, but im not complaining.

I'd also say why I liked and enjoyed this book was partially because I didn't take it as seriously, I mean I'll watch some analyses about it and all, but while reading, I was just having fun, and memes and silly fanart also helped with that.

It was a fun book, shout out to Mrs. Librarian who borrowed this book for me from another library 💋

Edit: also if you plan on reading/are reading Dracula I recommend listening to the album Empire of the vampire by Paralysed age :3

30/12/2024

[dolokhoded]

80-ish jesus 'verse disciple headcanons pt. 1 (peter, john, magdalene)

[ bc i gotta put those somewhere. i still dont know if this is set in the actual 80s in a normal timeline or if the whole universe is completely made up. i'll figure it out. shit's hard when jesus' existence as some normal living dude implies a definitive aspect of today's society doesn't exist at all yet ]

PETER

jesus’ right hand man yadda yadda

the most repressed man you will ever meet

very loyal, but quite close minded. until he meets jesus, at least, that’s peter’s whole thing

he really does believe the things jesus stands for but it's hard to change the mindset he was raised on in a day

he learns to accept people who are different than him. he learns to accept himself while we’re at it. ANYWAYS

peter gets married in his early twenties. not entirely because of religion or tradition or whatever, he really did love his wife and because they were in their twenties and they were stupid they found it to be the next logical step in their relationship

he’s poly

he doesn’t realize this until after he’s married and represses it forever despite literally being surrounded by queer people (assume everyone is queer unless i explicitly say they're not)

he sorts it out eventually. illa knows

that's his wife. she's a chemist and an environmental activist, they do love each other very much but they get divorced in the end because she gets offered a job in a project in norway that i would elaborate on if i knew jack about science, and decides she wants to live in different countries and travel the world

moral of the story don't get married when you're twenty and don't know what you want to do with your life yet

has some sort of personal feud with magdalene ???

she thinks it’s cause he hates women

it sort of is. he feels threatened by her. but also he wouldn’t care this much if it wasn’t personal

(really he's just very attracted to her. he doesn't like her, he doesn't exactly love her but they do feel closer to each other than all the other disciples but he's not in love with her. it's the same for her. but she's aro. they have a weird thing going on don't ask me, it's definitely a little intensified just because they never acknowledge or discuss it but whatever)

i know i’m making this guy seem like a major asshole and that’s because he is. but also they all are. he’s working on it !

andrew’s older brother and also the exact opposite of andrew

deep down he kind of envies him

peter works his family's business, at least until he cuts his parents off. don't ask me what the business is it doesn't matter

sells fishing equipment or something

can cook with some assistance. not kitchen banned.

JOHN

grew up with very open-minded parents, but was still very sheltered.

he's a youngest child, so he was a little fussed over. his mother was very protective of him which led to him moving out of the family home and having to call his brother to ask how you make a doctor appointment

then having said brother james make the appointment for him because he was shy

idea guy. very creative very innovative. not always successful but at least his brain somewhat works?

the youngest of the group. 24 when big james was 28, jesus was 30, peter and magdalene were 32. i'll come up with a comprehensive age chart soon

majored in journalism when he joined the group, met matthew in class and roped him in

decided to change his major to creative writing

uses a typewriter to write. i haven't decided exactly what the fuck is going on with this verse, i'm leaning towards setting it in the 80s where everyone uses typewriters anyways but it's important that you know john would use a typewriter even if he had access to a laptop.

(with recycled paper of course)

likes to doodle on the margins when he's editing his shit. he's very right brained.

judas' narrative foil, therefore they hate each other

they don't full on scream death threats at each other at meetings like peter and magdalene but the passive aggression is there

LMAO ALL I TALK ABOUT IS THIS GROUP FUCKING HATING EACH OTHER i swear deep down they love each other uhhhh

matthew, he likes matthew. they're writing buddies

and peter and simon z and little james. and mary beth. john's cool with magdalene too

and philip and thad. everyone likes philip and thad they have 0 enemies

and everyone likes jesus. except judas who doesn't but it's okay cause he's in love with him.

some of them they like each other i promise. anyways, sorry, john.

cannot cook, but not kitchen banned

MAGDALENE

mary magdalene. obviously.

we have around three hundred marys so she goes by magdalene. though i find it more fitting anyways.

magdalene didn't know her father, her mother was lovely but she died of cancer when she was 10. susanna is the daughter of her godmother who lost custody of her when susanna was 15 because she had a drug addiction

so like. starting out with some lovely stuff

magdalene was in foster care until she was 16. then susanna turned 18 and she lived with her, finished school and started working any random job that helped them make rent

susanna is the only person magdalene can always rely on. and vice versa. she's a barber.

which i thought of before i realized susanna is also the name of the wife of figaro barber of seville. but isn't that hilarious.

anyways it's been rough for these two but it gets better i promise. they make it.

magdalene's working like three jobs trying to make enough to go to university, she wants to be a social worker. preferably work with inmates.

she's aropansexual

weird thing with peter is not of romantic nature. maybe queerplatonic except they're not friends. queeraggressive if anything.

it's just a thing. it's a sixth sense only aromantic people can comprehend. don't question it.

despite everything magdalene is an optimistic person. she's got a grasp on reality, but she's not scared of having her own dreams and ambitions, she's not going to let her past stop her from moving forward

she's had one serious girlfriend before she realized she didn't want to be in a romantic relationship at all and it was fucking crazy

she was very insecure already and magdalene kept enabling it by constantly ignoring her and seeming disinterested (which she was cause she was aro) which made the girl feel like she was only using her for sex and then she started getting paranoid and accusing her of cheating on her and it rlly escalated. crazy shit.

the girl was like. slightly more reasonable than magdalene is and one day just decided that aight im out of here and left. and then magdalene had a breakdown and tried to convince her not to leave because she needed to prove to herself that she was capable of love

yeah my girl is not okay. did you expect her to be well in her brain cause she's not

so yeah crazy shit. she works through it.

cannot cook. kitchen banned.

[lieut-dundy-le-vesconte]

Trust me, however I may feel is just exactly the same way. >he wants to touch his face again, to kiss him, but he resists the urge this time. Somethings telling him he has to be straight n serious w him rn. Not play any games (even though the touching and kissing aren't games but instead a manifestation of everything he feels inside. But they might be taken as games . Or a distraction. Or like he's not actually trying hard enough. Or that he's just not enough. Or god knows what. People come up w all sorts of shit. Not realizing that like. Not everyone loves the same way. Dundy wasn't taught. This is the best he knows. Things from books. All those touching fleeting glances fleeting touches. And he guesses if his parents didn't really love each other, and they never really touched each other, then the opposite of that, loving someone, means touching them in every way possible, right? And if... if George is still saying 'however you might feel,' is still questioning or doubting that dundy loves him, so much, with his whole heart, then that means his touches aren't enough and that he'll have to try some other way to convince him, some George-specific way and maybe... maybe that's through words? Which is the worst thing in the world because he has no idea how to put things into words. Maybe just. Honesty? Like he did with John??). He clears his throat

I do feel the same way... I've always felt the s-same way... I don't know why I wouldn't ... im... >oh how he hates this, George why can't you just have understood my touches? I love you w-with... with my whole heart... it's... it's not h-however I may feel it's... >he feels like he wants to cry, he doesn't understand why language just never has enough in it to really truly express how he feels n I... I don't ... don't... I think everything would ... would go dark if you were not here... in it... god, George, aren't my touches enough? Don't... oh I... I don't mean to accuse you or blame you... I don't mean... mm.. h-how am I supposed to convince you it's just as real for me too? >he takes both his hands in his and looks him in the eyes tell me how I can convince you, please. I don't know what im doing, but I don't want to lose you

Hello, Henry.

Might we meet sometime to talk? Whenever and wherever is convenient for you. I find myself very much in need of your counsel company.

~Geo. H. Hodgson

@ltgeorgehodgson Heya georgie dearest hope ur well <3 jus saw this now sorry for not replyin sooner; got off of a terribly long watch (same length as usual jus cold n im kinda sore from everything) n then i slept like four hours where u wanna meet at? Want me to come over? 😉😘 I don't mind the cold again if it's for u

[mayasaura]

there's a tiny part of me that can't stop taking things seriously that is building an actual serious plot for The Emperor's New Groove: Apocalpyse Funk

[thesuncitysworld]

Hi!! Can you please do 17 from your prompt list with JJ?🥺 thank you!

Friday Movies

This is my work and I would appreciate it if you didn’t steal it for your own use!

Characters: JJ Maybank X Reader

Summery: All the pouges are out on the boat when they invite themselves to yours and JJ’s weekly Friday movie night.

Warnings: kissing?

Masterlist

Prompt: 17

This gif isn’t mine

All the pouges where sprawled out around the boat, drying off in the sun after we had jumped into the water.

My head was on JJ’s chest, his hands combing though my tangled hair. Kie, John B, Pope and Sarah where just staring at us. I look of confusion painted each one of their faces.

“So let me get this straight….” Kie stared of with. My head moves now sitting cross legged facing them all. JJ just stayed lying down eyes scanning my body, staying there.

“You.” She said pointed at me.

“And you.” Moving her fingering to JJ.

“Are just friends!” The whole sentence was coated in confusing. All the others nodding there head in agreement.

“Yeah…?” I replied. JJ’s eyes left my body turning his whole body the face the other way. My hands automatically went to his back, rubbing it, this conversation always happened and he just got more and more annoyed each time.

“can we just stop with this? Please…” I begged, eyes pleasing, moving around to see if J was alright.

“Yeah fine. Anyway what is everyone doing tonight?” John B was quick in with another conversation, seeing JJ’s state.

I zoned out talking to J in a hushed tone.

“You alright, princess?” I nickname I called him, just to piss him off. He nodded still not moving. I moved my hands down to hold his, leaning down hearing him say.

“We still on for tonight?” Before I could reply I heard Sarah call out.

“What you doing tonight?” JJ’s face resembled one like mine, annoyance, I rolled my eyes turning around. My hands still connected to his.

“Not that you need to know…Friday movie night!” I pushed out pulling a face.

“Ooo can we join?” J tugged my hand making me turn around to look at him. He shock his head telling me to say ‘no’.

“Thanks, J. We’ll see you at you house then, y/n. 8!” John B invited himself to our weekly tradition.

JJ or I didn’t say anything till we reached the dock. We bid out goodbyes and both made our way back to mine.

Mostly full of J complaining about how he didn’t want the pouges tagging along with us.

I agreed with him. This has been out thing for years, the group knew this. They never planned anything of Friday nights, that would leave either of us excluded.

“J?” I asked, stopping. He stoped to face me, nodding, encouraging me to go on.

“Can I have a piggieback ride? I don’t feel so good..” I hated saying stuff that this to him. He would worry and then continue asking questions.

“Yeah….yes I will! You doing alright, cupcake?” I nodded wrapping my arms around his neck as he held my thighs.

———————

We made it to my house. I’m now on the sofa with my head in JJ’s lap. The pogues where coming soon and I couldn’t dread it more.

The constant questions coming at you from left and right just bugged me. JJ’s wouldn’t stop moving and I knew why. He didn’t like this either.

———————

We are half way through the movie and me and J were on opposite sides of the living room. How? I have no clue.

Pope’s arms where around my shoulders while John B’s where around JJ’s. We haven’t look at the movie in 10 minutes, having a silent conversation with one another.

I got up making my way to the kitchen. I went and sat on the steps of the pouch, out back. I head footsteps behind me. Immediately knowing who they belonged to.

“Hey, you” He whispered. Arms wrapping around my waist, pulling me into him.

“I’m not jealous, but, come on, movie night is just for you and I only.” JJ said into the air. I turned to face him, our eyes connecting.

“just us next week?” He questioned. The heat of his words coating my lips. Eyes not leaving each other’s.

I moved forward. Smiling at him.

“Friends?” I questioned him.

He laughed.

“Best friends!” He corrected me as his lips touched mine.

The warmth entered my body again. The feeling of life being restored back into me. A spark, he touched my cheek. A tingle, I pressed my hand to his neck.

“Forever?”

“Forever and more”

[topsyturvy-turtely]

TEENLOCK FICLET

[posted on tumblr because all my stories from wattpad were stolen and i'm scared now.]

Title: Volleyball

Sherlock had just recovered from a hit to the stomach that had taken his breath away. Now he was back in the game. Merely 3 minutes later the ball hit him straight in the face. Sherlock stumbled back and clutched his nose. It was bleeding. Fuck.

“Imma- I’ll just go home. It’s clearly not my day.”, he said and walked out. Fuck school anyways. He hated sports. He had grown too fast and he wasn’t used to his lanky body yet. The first hit to his stomach had been from Jim. He was actually on Sherlock’s team, but the boy always had this weird obsession with him and kept hurting him. So he doubted he had been hit by accident.

But the hit to his face was John Watson from the opposite team. He hated that fact. He always had sort of liked the boy. He had a kind smile, was obviously good in any sports and he looked amazing at everything he did. Especially when he stroked his hand through his hair. Maybe he was a bit too distracted by John’s face when the ball had come at him. Okay, maybe Sherlock had a crush on John…

“Hey.”, John said, awkwardly standing in the doorway. The boy looked up and quickly back down. John had no doubt he was mad at him. Slowly John walked over to him and knelt down before him. “Here, let me help you.” Big eyes looked at him. God, he looked so scared. This boy has been treated badly and his trust in other people was obviously scarred. With a steady hand, John quickly tied Sherlock’s shoe laces and sat back up, looking at Sherlock. Said boy was leaned back and struggled getting the bleeding under control.

“Hey, Sherlock”, John gently touched his shoulder. “You should lean forwards and hold your nose closed.”, he guided Sherlock’s neck forward, barely touching him at all. He saw Sherlock’s skin making goosebumps. Oh, shit. He must be so scared, John thought.

“Breathe through your mouth.”, he said at a lack of better words.

For a few seconds the boys just sat there in awkward silence. Finally Sherlock asked: “Did you hit me on purpose, too?”

“What?! God, no! Why would I do that?!”, John asked, shocked.

There was a minute of no response, and John doubted he’d get an answer when he heard Sherlock mumble: "Because everyone does."

“Well, then they are fuckers. I would never do that, believe me.”, John said, fists and heart clenching upon hearing those words. Bullies were fucking idiots.

After another minute, John gently placed his hand on Sherlock’s back. The boy’s body stiffened. John started making circles with his flat hand. “Should I stop?”, John asked. The last thing he wanted was to make Sherlock even more uncomfortable. Another pause, before Sherlock shook his head. His gaze was fixed on the floor the whole time. Slowly he relaxed under John’s soothing hand.

When ten minutes were over, John asked: “Has it stopped?” Sherlock checked and leaned back: “Yes.” He shot a quick look at John before he looked away again. He couldn’t believe his crush of two years was sitting next to him, being friendly and had rubbed his back. “Thank you, John.”, he said quietly, moving to get up.

“Hold on!”, John pulled his sleeve so Sherlock was facing him again. The shorter boy inspected his face with an intense stare. First he looked at his nose, then directly into his eyes – holding eye contact for an unnecessary long time. Then his gaze dropped to his mouth. John Watson licked his lips.

“I definitely wouldn’t fuck up such a pretty face on purpose.” Sherlock stared at him in shock. Had John- did he just-?! And then John winked at him. Sherlock felt everything inside him melt. If he hasn’t crushed on him before, he definitely would have now. With undoubtedly red cheeks he looked away.

John stood up. “Come on!”, he held his hand out. “Let’s get you cleaned up.” Hesitantly Sherlock grabbed his hand, letting himself be pulled up. John released his hand, but took it again with his other hand and pulled him to the bathroom of the gym. “Hold on one second, I’ll grab my towel real quick.”, John said once they were at the sink. Off he was, leaving a very lost Sherlock back, who was currently fighting his emotions back. His heart was beating too fast, his stomach felt weird and out of control and Sherlock could still feel John’s hand in his. He stared at it in wonder. John Watson held my hand, he thought.

Sherlock heard approaching footsteps and quickly let his hand drop. He tried to look anywhere but at John. He looked just too good. His usually neat hair was a mess. The sports shirt clung tightly to his torso and you could see his muscles underneath. He was also wearing that darn adorable kind smile. Or was it a smirk? Sherlock couldn’t tell.

The boy let the water soak the towel he had gathered. Then he made a step towards Sherlock and smiled. “Come here, pretty boy.” Sherlock was sure his jaw had dropped to the floor. John in return just chuckled and pulled him closer. Sherlock wasn’t sure if this kind of closeness was needed. “Will you stop-“, he started. “Stop what?”, John Watson was definitely smirking now. “Flirting with you?” Sherlock was avoiding John’s gaze, because he felt his cheeks darken. “Ooh, see, I like that color on you, though.”, John said his voice grinning. Had John any idea of what he did to him? Immediately his brain answered his own question: Yes. And he likes it.

John gently grabbed his chin and turned his face towards him. He started cleaning Sherlock’s face with the towel. Meanwhile, Sherlock stared into his eyes. John looked very concentrated as he took care of Sherlock. His irises were of the deepest blue he had ever seen. He got lost in them.

Suddenly those blue black holes shot up at him. Smiling eyes. Internally Sherlock shook his head, externally he settled on looking out the window. He was hopelessly in love with the boy in front of him.

He didn’t see it coming when John whispered into his ear: “Meet me at the swing set, after school, will you?” Sherlock looked at John with big eyes. What was his plan? He didn’t know but he found himself nodding his head. “Fantastic!”, John stood on his tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his cheeks. “See you later, pretty boy!”, he said, and then he was jogging back to join the last ten minutes of sport.

Sherlock stood at the same spot for another two minutes, before he could finally muster the strength to gather his stuff and head towards the swing set. Smiling like an idiot.

[A/N: please tell me any mistakes and what you think of it. I literally wrote this at 3AM]

[blueringumbreon]

Hi, I saw your post while browsing Christian tags on here. It looks like an older post, so I hope it’s ok to reply.

Sorry you are having trouble feeling joy in your faith. I hope this helps and isn’t too long. This will probably sound simple, It’s the “old old story” but it’s good to remember, and hearing it from others, even though I know it myself, gives me joy.

Joy as a Christian doesn’t come from safety from Hell, being involved in ministry, doing good works, or being liked, (though it is important to be in a Bible believing church and helpful to have close Christian friends.) It comes from knowing the depth and beauty of who God is, and what he has done for you. In order to know what God has done for us, we need to know what we are.

We, human beings, are sinners (We are evil in nature) Even if we appear good to others and ourselves, we are evil beyond measure.

I grew up in church, I’ve believed in Jesus my whole life, I have never murdered, I’m honest for the most part, most people who know me view me as good and kind. “Innocent” I was called by a friend just the other day. But if I dare to look just under the surface of my outer self, I find evil, even disturbing evil. Evil thoughts and desires that I would never carry out, but are still there nonetheless. Filthy things. Evil, Hate, gross immorality, and darkness.

God is Holy. He is “light, and In him is no darkness at all”. He is good, He is love, He is righteous, he is light. The exact opposite of what we are. He is also just, and a just judge, and our evil has consequences, death. We deserve death, and in our fallen state, we are dead spiritually already. Being dead we don’t even have the power to ask God for help by ourselves. A dead thing can’t can’t yell or wave its arms or beg for mercy. Being evil, we do not deserve anything from God but a verdict of guilty, and to be forever banished from his presence, where there will be “weeping and gnashing of teeth” Basically, being apart from God forever will be a miserable existence. It’s not the fire that people are so afraid of that we should be worried about, but being cut off from God, who is the source of all good things. Love, Joy, Peace, etc..

God is Love and loves us. he desires to show us mercy and to dwell with us and to call us His. But because He is also Just, he cannot let evil go unpunished. The punishment for our sin, our evil, is death, “the wages of Sin is death.” death will destroy us. death will separate us from God forever. What is the solution for this problem? Grace. This is where Jesus comes in.

I love the first chapter of John. It is long, Sorry, but it so eloquently describes who Jesus is:

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. He came as a witness, to bear witness about the light, that all might believe through him. He was not the light, but came to bear witness about the light. The true light, which gives light to everyone, was coming into the world. He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him. But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God. And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth. (John bore witness about him, and cried out, “This was he of whom I said, ‘He who comes after me ranks before me, because he was before me.’”) For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. No one has ever seen God; the only God, who is at the Father’s side, he has made him known.”

John‬ ‭1‬:‭1‬-‭18‬ ‭ESV‬‬

https://bible.com/bible/59/jhn.1.12.ESV

Jesus is God. The Son, specifically. There is One God in 3 persons, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. That’s a little complex to explain fully here, but it’s important to know. To understand the Gospel, “Good News” we need to understand that Jesus wasn’t just a man. He wasn’t a created being. He is fully God and fully man. He is Eternal God, Creator, and Ruler of all.

The glory of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus is the joy of a Christian, because that is why we are able to know God, rather than be condemned by Him. Why we have life instead of death. That is How the mercy and justice of God, which would be in conflict any other way, embrace.

That God the Son, Author of life, equal to the Father, eternal, perfect and complete as he was, would take on a human body, be born, grow, and live among us as a man, human in every way, yet still fully God, knowing he would suffer rejection even though he was ruler and maker of all; how he would take the punishment for the evil that I committed against God, against Him, the beautiful irony that the one offended by my actions would take the punishment for those offenses, and pay the price, because I could not bear it without being destroyed; how the weight of the sin of the whole world and the death we deserved could not destroy Him, but He destroyed it by His infinite goodness; that He turned the tragedy of death into the victory of eternal life for all who believe by His resurrection, that He makes those who surrender to him by his grace alive and his forever by giving us His own Spirit to live in us, the 3rd person of the Trinity, the Holy Spirit, God, literally lives in us! That is the Joy of a Christian, not merely fire insurance, but God with us, his Spirit in us, his righteousness made ours, His life made our life. We were dead, worn, nameless, and lost. He made us alive, new His, and made His home with us.

“For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭6‬:‭23‬ ‭ESV‬‬

https://bible.com/bible/59/rom.6.23.ESV

There is nothing that gives me more joy than this, and I hope it encourages you.

Do any other Christians struggle with not feeling joy, an urge to get to know Christ, or just not feeling anything at all?

When I think of hell I get scared. I don't want to go there. Id like to go to heaven, my mom is there. I know she's there.

But I just don't feel good or anything really when going to church or reading the bible. I used to when I was younger and unsaved, funnily enough.

But I don't really feel this joy of Christ I'm supposed to feel. I don't feel like reading the bible. I don't really feel like memorizing scripture like I used to. I don't feel like I fit in at church, I never have. I feel like an outsider. My 'friend's were all public schooled and did sports and very social. I wasn't and I felt like an outcast. Now that I'm older and working with the youth (or I was anyways until drama happened) I still feel like I'm some annoying little kid who wants to be in everything, even tho I'm the oldest one there besides the leaders.

Other then not going to hell, I just don't see the point in any of this anymore. In person at my current church at least.

My friend group who are homeschooled and also Christians I feel some thing I would like to call feeling like family. I think this is what people mean when they say we are brothers in sisters in Christ. Even though we're all different denominations. I feel good around them.

But life goes on and were growing apart. I feel lost. Someone tell me why I feel like nothing I do I church matters.

[systlin]

wats Gor?

Oh, sweet summer child, I wish I was you.

It's possibly the worst book series ever written, by John Norman, who I can and will suplex on sight if I ever run into him.

It revolves around a 'counter-earth', a second planet in our earth's orbit that is precisely opposite to us so that we never see it. On it, John Norman has set up what could be a sorta interesting sword and spaceships sorta world, except he set it up as a place to write out his weird sex fantasies. These involve the men of Gor being 'real men', which means everything about toxic masculinity rolled up and concentrated into its purest form. He also posits in these books that the natural place of women (Which, as John Norman writes, means everyone born with a vagina is a woman and a dick and balls is a man, which is of course nonsense, but a particularly gross form of biological essentialism is the underpinning of the whole thing) is as a sexual slave literally owned by a 'strong' man.Gay people, so far as John Norman is concerned, do not exist.

It is, somehow, grosser than this description makes it sound. No book series has ever made me want to physically pick the author up by the throat and squeeze before. Gor does.

I was bribed into reading the first book by a friend who knew both that I'd hate it and that some sort of awful but entertaining shit would result from inflicting it on me. She was, as usual, correct.

It's terrible. Never read it if you value your peace of mind or sanity. I gave up on both for myself years ago, and figure I might as well channel my hate into spite and take a hammer and FIX the series.

(The hammer is powerful and terrible spells and sorcery controlled by my absolutely overpowered OC, as well as her sword and gratuitous violence.)

[serumandsteel]

the way we heal | jj maybank

- pairings: jj maybank x reader

- summary: people deal with trauma in different ways but it seems that jj thinks you don't care about the loss of your friends and deep down himself but he just needs to understand that people heal in their own time and through their own meanings, he just needed to be reassured of it. kinda pre season 2 ep 1 give ot take

- warning(s): really motherfucking angsty and swearing. mention of substance abuse

- wc: 2.2k :))))

a/n: all my fics the pogues and reader are the age 17/18 only because that's more comfortable for me to write. its been a long long time since i have wrote something so sorry for and spelling errors

People tend to deal with trauma differently. It could be resulting to crying you eyes out until you can’t breath and you can’t see through your tears clouding your eyes. Drinking until your liver wants to shut down and you whole body is so numb that yourself and everyone around you is so tuned out that you can’t function. Resulting to drugs to either feel something or not to feel anything at all. Or to have something to blame your actions on from yourself acting out simply because you don’t know how to handle the situation of a friend dying.

See you on the other hand dealt with it internally or the whim and feeling of not accepting death. Maybe it was your subconscious talking wanting you not to accept or maybe it was the gut feeling that you always got telling you that they were actually alive and have survived that storm that ‘supposedly’ had swept them away because “no body was found”.

This ‘gut feeling’ had always been right in many life or death situations. Or even just you picking out an outfit that you were unsure of whether it was going to get the boys attention that you had a crush on. It did indeed get his attention that night because that’s how you ended up loosing your virginity that night but that’s besides the point.

The best way you could describe it was like when people would do personality tests and it would ask “are you controlled by your heart or what you feel” probably not those exact words but you get the point. I felt with my feelings if my gut said yes then it was a yes.

Since the night that John B and Sarah had ‘died’ your gut had been telling you the opposite. That they were in fact not dead. As Big John use to say when you were a kid, you can never kill a Routledge. At the time it seemed like bullshit but now it was starting to grow on you.

However now your two friends were presumed dead and not everyone dealt with trauma like you did. Some would even go as far to say that you didn’t actually give a fuck that your friends were dead because you hadn’t cried or you hadn’t drunk yourself into a state of no return or resulted to smoking weed every single day and spray painted ‘murder’ on Ward Cameron’s estate. But at least Kiara wasn’t lying.

But the thing was you hadn’t cried because you couldn’t, you quite literally hated crying because it made you feel weak. Even if you tried and you tried your hardest but nothing came. At this point you could go as far as denial. This gut feeling was like getting hit by a semi truck every time a thought came into your head questioning maybe they were dead. Maybe they did get swept away at sea and never to return.

Your gut feeling was simply not letting you mourn the loss of John B and Sarah and now everyone thought you were an emotionless bitch. I mean they were right to a point but not the whole point.

So that brought you to current day driving around the Cut and night playing fucking real life Where’s Wally but its Where’s JJ Maybank because he’s blacked out drunk somewhere and now you’re on a rescue mission. Not like you had done enough of those in the last few weeks.

About an hour ago your phone rang and it was JJ asking you to come pick him up since somehow he had now idea where he had ended up and was too far gone to put together his surroundings. Well that’s what you had assumed he said since you had to decipher his slurred words.

At this point you had driven around the whole island and gone to every hid out spot that he would go smoke at or to just get away from everyday life. You had gone to all but one place. Where you avoiding that particular house because it held so many memories, plus the fact you hadn’t been near the place since shit hit rock bottom. Yes? But it was the highest chance that JJ was sitting on that dock with his legs swinging over it with a beer in hand.

Well you were right. As you walked down the old dock to where JJ was sitting it was if you could feel all the emotions, thoughts and disbelief crawling their way up your skin from the ground you were walking on. But that gut feeling was like a wave of fire, burning it all the way back to the ground.

“I don’t know why I just didn’t look here first. I should have known aye” you half heartedly said trying to keep the conversation light since you didn’t know what state JJ was going to be in. From the huff you got in response told you he wasn’t in the mood to talk.

“How much have you had J?” You asked with concern but still trying to keep you voice light and less reprimanding because you knew he was in a too fragile state for you to be angry.

“Does it even matter how much Iv had. I don’t feel shit anymore” he replied back with his words straight forward and sobered.

“Well have you even given yourself a break for your body to sober up for you to even feel the effects of it? Or have you still been going since yesterday when I saw you? J its not going to do shit if you don’t give it a rest for at least a day or so” you said back trying you best to keep you and your voice as calm as possible. You fucking hated seeing JJ like this, you would never say it to his face but fuck it just reminded you of his dad when he got into states like this. Until the last week you had never seen JJ this bad. But could you blame him.

“You just don’t get it do you” JJ was now facing you and by the tone of his voice you had unintentionally struck a nerve that you were actively avoiding. “Why did you even fucking come if you’re just going to tell me how I should cope. Do you even care that JB has gone? He was our best fucking friend. He was my fucking brother my only family! And he’s fucking gone just like his old man. You haven’t even shed a tear y/n. You’re just acting like nothing had happened. Do you even care!” JJ was now on his feet breathing heavily and his jaw so clenched you’re surprised his teeth haven’t broken

“J, please do not yell at me right now” you asked with your voice shaking trying to hold back something that was bubbling at the surface. Was it anger or was it the water works that desperately needed to be let out.

JJ started to walk back up the dock, showing that he was done with this conversation that he could have avoided if he didn’t ask you in the first place to come pick him up. Deep down he knew that you would be the only one to come and get him, he just wasn’t as good at showing his gratefulness due to the alcohol that was numbing him.

“JJ just wait please, please don’t walk away” You stood back up and starting walking after him quick on the backs of his feet. He halted his tracks and turned around to look at you with a pained look in his face, as you got up close you could see his eyes stained red. Either from crying or the linger of weed still in his system.

“What could you possibly want to say y/n. I really thought you would be the last person not to care about this” JJ was now right up in your face and his voice was holding back trying his best not to yell. But that last sentence had taken you back.

“You think I don’t care JJ!” now you starting yelling “of course I give a shit JJ our friends are gone, they are not fucking here. I know it might not seem that I don’t care. But just because I’m not crying my eyes out every hour or drinking myself into a state where I don’t now where the fuck I am or getting high that I spray paint on any wall I see” your breath was now battling to come to the surface because you were talking so fast.

“Just because Im not doing any of those things doesn’t mean I don’t care JJ! People deal with this shit differently and you need to understand that” you breathed out trying to grasp for air again “the thing is JJ I have this annoying gut feeling thats telling me that John B and Sarah are not dead, and its literally preventing me to mourn them. I have convinced myself that they are alive and I can’t fucking mourn non dead people J. I don’t know how to fucking explain it”

“Well why didn’t you just tell us that” he replied after bit letting your whole rant sink into his brain, weaving its way through the alcohol that was clouding it.

“Because JJ! Even saying that out loud I sound fucking crazy, like I’m in a deep pit of denial. The thing is I’m far from denial. Yes I know there is a massive fucking fat chance that they are dead and have been food for the sharks” you exclaimed

“Don’t make it worse y/n” JJ shook his head not very happy with your choice of words

“Okay yeah sorry bad wording. Im sorry” you lowered your head in sorrow wanting to slap yourself in the face for trying to make jokes out of trauma.

“So its not that I don’t care J, trust me I do care. But John B and Sarah are not physically here with us and I cant physically care for them right now. But when we see them can do that”

“Y/n -“ JJ tried to get a word in but you hadn’t finished

“Don’t JJ. We will see them again” you put an emphasis on ‘will’ “I trust my gut and even you know that when I get a gut feeling that it’s always been right. Correct?”

“Yes but -“ he tried to get another word in but you needed him to listen.

“JJ I care about you. I care about Kiara and Pope. You guys are physically here for me to care for. The thing is I haven’t spoken to Kie since she’s with Pope half the time and I have spoken to Pope since he’s with Kid half the time and you? I can’t speak to you because your too far gone in beers to for me to even get a coherent conversation in” This was such an over due conversation to be had, you were now on the verge of hyperventilating. You needed JJ to hear this. Fully sober would have been better but half sober is the best you’re gonna get.

“JJ I understand if that’s how you’re going to deal with all of this but you can’t throw yourself completely away. We need you. I need you JJ. I can’t have you going off the deep end and then we loose you too. You need to be here for when we get John B back. He will need you for when he’s back”. The water works that you had been holding back had finally been released and trust it to be in front of JJ. He was your fucking rock, you couldn’t loose him. No way that would be your last day on earth if that were to happen.

“I-. Im sorry. I’m just so fucking lost y/n. I don’t know what the fuck to do. You’re always at work and Kie and Pope are god knows where. I just want this to go away so fucking bad. All this pain, I feel like I have no one” JJ was now crying to and gripping your waist as is you could float away into the air

“I know JJ, but you have us you have always had us. But you have to be so stubborn sometimes that you won’t let us in and help, you won’t let me in a help you” you had JJ’s face in your hands making him look at you so he knew you meant every single word. “I’m so sorry if you didn’t think I cared and I wasn’t there to help you, I just deal with this shit in a different way. Just like every single other person. We all heal differently and that’s okay. It dosent mean we care less. It doesn’t mean I care less”

Now there you and JJ stand on the dock leading off the chateau both in each others embrace purging the pain that’s both been locked up inside you for so long. The past you and JJ had people really didn’t tend to understand but neither did you. But you would always find your way back to each other at the end of the day. Despite the fights you had in the past and the days you would be at each others throats screaming at each other to the days you would be secretly stealing a glance at him because you just couldn’t help yourself.

You would always be there to help him take the pain away and he was always be there to do the same for you.

[foppishaplomb]

SO BASICALLY I ship johnkat so loyally because my teenage self identified with john more than I ever had with any other character before (a very strong kin, before kinning was a common fandom word), and I had a crush on karkat because I unconsciously saw my dream partner in him: someone absolutely overflowing with love and devotion to give, whose special interest is romance, who falls in love with john so hard and so quickly and adores him for all the qualities he claims to hate (because--he says--"I NEVER HATED YOU." so what else could it be but love?). How I wanted a Karkat! Someone to love me with everything they have, the whole of their being! I tried to force it so hard on my then-love. It hastened the end of our already deteriorating relationship (and I'm glad for it, even though I'm embarrassed by just how desperately I tried to get her to just read Homestuck, please I'll do anything, even one page a day will satisfy me, you promised and you won't do it even though you know how much it means to me, please please please!!!)

Now that I'm an adult and have my dream partner, I understand how I was neglected and starved for care and I understand how those qualities I saw in Karkat would translate into a relationship for John as I see him, and why I was drawn to that. All I knew then was that it made me very, very happy to see them interact (it still does!), but I was very, very picky about my characterization in fandom (I still am).

One thing that I now have words for that I didn't then is that I wanted Karkat to be a service top! LMAO. I couldn't even admit to myself in 2011 BL fandom terms that I wanted him to be the seme. I was viruently against seme/uke terminology, because the ukes were always girlier and the semes were always more masculine which I found to be very heteronormative (not coincidentally: the exact opposite of the dynamic I was into, being, even then, soft butch and more attracted to femmes), and somehow turned that into convincing myself every pairing had to be switches or it wasn't realistic. the fact that I only liked thinking about the character I identified with being submissive meant nothing because when it came down to it, i would top too when I had sex, because everyone only wants to be the bottom, obviously, but you have to take turns. (Despite what fandom has taught me, this is not in fact the case. Tops do exist! Some people actually like being dominant and don't just do it because someone has to!) But I certainly liked the fanworks where Karkat was bigger and stronger a whole lot........

So what this boils down to is, I'm the only person in the world who thinks karkat's a strict top. Sorry to everyone for this Homestuck sacrilege. I know Karkat screams crybaby tsundere uke to the rest of the world but in him, I saw a crybaby tsundere yandere and a mommy gf.

Let me clarify: he's an obsessive-type yandere, not violent. The weirdo basically canonically stalks John, watching his whole life through the computer and falling in love with him. I think he'd just love his partner so much! I think he would worship them, and he wants them in every quadrant (LIKE A DESPERATE FOOL). he wants to be everything to and have everything in one person. It's very intense. I like how that contrasts in how breezy John is. He loves deeply, fiercely, his friends are the most important people in the world to him! But he doesn't know anything about romantic love. He has a little crush on Rose, but the first time he falls in love, with someone who loves him back - he'll fall so hard he'll never get back up.

Karkat would be there to catch him. Unconditional love from someone who understands him. He's a mommy, as much as Kanaya, just in a grumpier way. We see it in the way he grows into his role as leader. A lot of karkat's character development is accepting he's a much softer, kinder person than he thinks the world wants him to be.

Don't get me wrong - John is just as good for Karkat as Karkat does for John. I just feel like what Karkat does for john is less focused on in fandom. But john loves him so. He makes Karkat laugh. John loves so purely, effortlessly. He hands out love and kindness in a way utterly foreign to troll society. He loves all the things Karkat hates about himself and teaches Karkat to love himself in turn. Karkat does that for John, too, which is part of the process. Remember how john scrawled on the walls that he was a stupid idiot dumb kid? And Karkat of course had seen this, and responded with the most flushed of emotions, pity? Is it hard to imagine this helped him look upon himself with love instead of hate? They could change each other for the better. They could be so happy together.

Idk where I was going with this. They could be so happy together. In my head hs^2 never happened and they're soulmates sry

[itsallyscorner]

Blindsided

Pairing: Sam Wilson x reader

Summary: What happens after it’s announced that John Walker’s the new Captain America.

Warnings: none; a bit suggestive at the end? This is my first time writing for Sam so if it’s a bit meh, I’m sorry, I tried😭 Lots of dialogue!!

A/n: This is a bit of a short one, but I hope you like it:) I know this isn’t how he found out in TFAWS but ya know :D Also hate the character NOT the actor, don’t hate on Wyatt Russell😤

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

꘎♡━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♡꘎

“Look, here’s the thing, uh, I’m—I’m not Tony Stark. I’m not Dr. Banner. Okay? I don’t have the flashiest gadgets, I don’t have super strength. But what I do have—is guts.”

John Walker’s voice bounces off the walls of the cozy Louisiana apartment you and Sam shared. With the saved money you both had, you guys managed to purchase a decent apartment. Being two of the known remaining Avengers, your landlord was quite flexible with rent. Having the two of you in his building was like having built in security.

The apartment was just right for you and Sam. There was a living room, a kitchen, two bedrooms, and a bathroom. You both didn’t need much. As long as you had each other, you were both satisfied. Besides, with Sam working with the Air Force on missions, you managed to get roped into following along—which meant you two weren’t always home.

The morning sun shined through the window of your living room, reflecting onto one of the white walls across from it. The sun created an orangey yellow hue to fill the room, radiating the warmth and cozy aura of a sunny Louisiana morning. Though compared to the domestic and calming aura, Sam was the complete opposite. You couldn’t see his facial expressions but the way his shoulders tensed from behind was enough to tell you that he was upset.

After a week (I’m honestly not sure) of donating Steve’s shield to the Smithsonian, it’s been revealed that the government has taken the shield and handed it to some—in your eyes—Steve Rogers wannabe. As someone who’s worked alongside Steve and consider him as family, it angered you to see some random man parade around the world with Steve’s shield and title. This Walker dude has no clue of the responsibility and value that comes with the shield—like seriously using halftime of a football game as an opportunity to pull a PR stunt as Captain America? He’s literally just America’s mascot.

Though you were bubbling with anger, you couldn’t imagine how your boyfriend felt. Steve gave him the shield, passed down the role of Captain America to him and sent him off to fulfill the duties he couldn’t do anymore. Yes, Sam made a promise, but after dabbling with the thought of becoming the new Captain America he decided to give it up. You weren’t going to question him, it was his choice and you understood why he made it. Nobody could fill Steve’s shoes.

You turn the stove off, deciding to check on Sam instead of continuing breakfast. The clip of John Walker was still playing on the tv when you enter the living room. You get a glimpse of his face, betrayal filled his eyes as he glowered at the tv screen. You carefully make your way towards him, settling beside him on the couch. He glances at you before shoving his head in his hand.

“Sam...” You wrap an arm around his back, your palm feeling the tension build between his shoulders.

“He trusted me with the shield.” He began, his voice low. “He trusted me with it and now it’s in the hands of—whoever this person is.” He gestures to the tv that showed John Walker speaking to a blonde interviewer.

“Steve believed in me to carry on his legacy and I just threw it away because I was being selfish.” He fumed, his tone raising. He shot off the couch and moved to pace around the living room. You sigh, giving him a moment to get his thoughts together. You patiently waited for him to calm down, watching him mutter sentences to himself under his breath.

Slowly, you get up from the couch and approach him. Deciding to stand in the way of his path, he comes to a halt. The conflicted expression on his face softens at the sight of you.

“Listen,” You start, arms snaking around his torso while his hands naturally grip onto your hips. “You didn’t know the government was going to go behind your back and deem someone else as Captain America. None of us were expecting this to happen. You can’t beat yourself up for something you didn’t have control of.”

Sam breathes out and tries to move out of your arms. Betrayal and guilt consumed his body.

“That’s the thing, (y/n). If I hadn’t given up the shield in the first place, we wouldn’t even be in this situation right now. I had control of all of this, even if I didn’t know about their hidden agenda.” He bursted out, brows furrowing together in frustration. You tighten your arms around him.

Sam defeatedly lowers his head, “This whole thing is so much more than me being blindsided by the government. I promised Steve that I’ll do my best. He trusted me and in return I broke my promise to him. I let Steve down.” He confessed. Silence filled the room, the only sounds heard were the quiet murmurs coming from the tv.

You were the first to speak. “Steve made mistakes too you know? Besides being a super soldier and all, it’s what made him relatable to everyone. Before he became Captain America, he was just like us. Humans who wanted to do good for the world and bring peace to its chaos.” Your words caught Sam’s attention, although he was a bit confused to where you were going with them.

You continued, “Like almost every human in the world, he learned from those mistakes. Yes, you may have had control of the current situation we’re in, but that doesn’t contradict the fact that you had no knowledge of what was happening behind the scenes. Steve chose to give you the shield for a reason, Sam. He knew that if something were to go wrong, you would be there in an instant to make it right.”

You shifted closer to him and cradled his jaw with both of your hands. “You gave up the shield and now it’s in the hands of the wrong man. I know you’ve always said that it feels like it belongs to someone else. But would you rather it be in the hands of someone like John Walker or in the hands of someone Steve believes in? Are you gonna sit here and feel guilty about it or are you going to get up and make things right?”

Sam’s eyes bore into yours. Conflict flashes in his dark orbs, his jaw clenches, and his hands resting on your hips gripped onto your skin tightly.

“We’re gonna get his shield back.” He proclaimed.

A small smile forms on your lips, “One way or another.” You confirm.

Bonus:

“You know, you’re getting good at that whole speech thing.” Sam remarks, pulling you closer to him. That infamous toothy grin of his taking over his features.

You chuckle letting your hands venture on the expanse of his chest before wrapping your arms around his neck.

“Well I learned from the best. If there’s one thing I learned from Steve it’d have to be his way with words.” You shrugged. Sam hummed in response.

“If I’m gonna be getting that shield back, I’m gonna be needing some help on those speeches.” He says, a suggestive tone to his sentence.

You smirked, amusingly shaking your head at him. “Good think I know plenty of ways to get you to talk.” Sam takes that as his cue to connect his lips with yours. His eager hands wander your body as he leads you towards the couch.

Before things can escalate, you pull away and place a finger in between your and Sam’s lips.

“Not now hotshot, we’ve got a mission in a bit and we still need to stop by Sarah’s before we leave.” Sam doesn’t get the chance to object since you’ve already pushed him off of you. Your hips swayed as you made your way back into the kitchen to continue cooking breakfast.

He stutters at first but chases after you going on about how much of a tease you were and how unfair it was to him and his needs.

“I told you I had plenty of ways to get you to talk.” You smirk, innocently shrugging at him.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

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[spiltscribbles]

57. “Wait a second.. are you jealous?” + Poorly Timed Confession + modern au 😍 pretty please!!!

~Notes: OMFG angel!!! Thank you SO SO much for the prompt<3 You are a complete babe! I hope you like :S It’s cheese, but like also what else would I do? LMFAO XD

.-

Smash Prompt Game  |  Send Me A Prompt💜 |  A Reblog Is Like An I Love You!!

.-

“Hmmm… All right, would you rather, mmm… Smell Borris Johnson’s sweaty gym socks, or snog Professor Slughorn full on the mouth for a straight minute— oh erm, not so straight I reckon on second thought.”

Remus wrinkles his nose at him from across the bed, and clucks his tongue at the awful pun. “You’re unruly.”

“And you’re dodging,”

“Am not arse, I’m just recovering from that very terrifying scenario you’ve spewed out like the sadistic satanist you are.”

“Which scenario are you recovering from though?” Sirius leers, wiggling his eyebrows and jostling Remus’s textbook with his foot.

“I hate that you’re enjoying this so much,” Remus intones in a deadpan.

“Mary John, I’m waiting,” Sirius says with far too much glee.

Sometimes Remus is sure that he hates him. “Fine, the answer is I hate you.”

“Filthy and slanderous lies, Lupin.”

“You’re demented.”

“Five. Four. Three—“

“I won’t choose.”

“See,  all I hear is that you wanna get it on with our chemistry professor, you saucy minx, you.”

Remus sniffs. “Better than touching that prick with even a ten foot pole.”

“Mmmm, have I ever told you how hot and heavy I get hearing you talk politics at me?”

Remus throws him the bird, which makes Sirius laugh. Remus can objectively say that Sirius has the most beautiful variations of laughter in the world, and he’d know considering he’s catalogued each one. This version is definitely top three. His care free, effortless laugh when Remus takes him off guard with a snide remark or lowly muttered retort that’s not appropriate for most company— It’s really more of a experience, truly. His breaths stutter out in a lovely staccato, and his eyes glimmer like the sea, and sometimes it feels like the world’s been suspended and it’s only the two of them in that slice of eternity.

Erm, Ah, but yeah…. That only happens occasionally, and it’s only because Sirius is Remus’s greatest friend— has been since the final year of primary school after Remus had moved to the London outskirts from his small, coastal town in Wales, and on first sight, Sirius swung a snowball straight to Remus’s face, which he of course responded to by throwing two more his way, and well… The pair of them were soaking and breathless by the end of it, but their fate was sealed, they were the greatest of friends, and nothing would ever alter that unquestionable staple.

So what if sometimes Remus’s chest thuds painfully when Sirius dimples his way, or Remus only ever wants to talk to him over anyone else— even Lily or his Mam— if he’s had a bad day, or good one, or if something remarkable had happened, or , or… Or whenever really. And there’s absolutely no significance that Remus can’t help the totally delighted grin that splits his face in half whenever he gets a text or snap from Sirius.

None of that is at all relevant.

Sirius is Remus’s greatest friend, and he’d never risk ruining that by allowing some pesky little crush swallow him whole and clammer out his mouth— vulnerable and throbbing in the open space between them. It doesn’t matter if Marlene always makes kissy faces their way, or how James only ever refers to them as a couple, and so what if Peter’s got a pole running that Remus knows basically the whole school is betting on. 

They’re all wrong, Sirius would never, ever feel the same sort of way that Remus does him, that’s downright preposterous and ridiculous and just simply impossible. And Remus’s perfectly content with that very real truth… He is.

Remus is fine with it God help him. So everyone else just needs to but the fuck out of their business.

Besides, this, this right now— Him and Sirius splayed out on opposite ends of Remus’s bed, with Sirius’s feet nudging at Remus’s elbow whenever he’s got a question about there homework, with the window cracked open just so, letting in some of the chilly winter air because Sirius absolutely can not focus if he’s not cold— the fucking furnace— Where Remus can still hear the going ons of his family playing out on the floor below them… This is the most perfect place in Remus’s eyes, and he won’t ever change that, especially not to live out some boyhood fantasy that would never come into fruition in his wildest of dreams.

Remus’s content… He is… He has to be or else he’d lose one of the most vital people in his world.

.-

“You’ve got footie practice after school, right?”

“Mmhmm, you coming to watch?”

“Only if you admit i’m your good luck charm,” Remus sardonically bats his lashes at Sirius as if he was in a mascara advert, and the taller boy  blows a raspberry right back at him.

“Nice, real nice. You’re extraordinarily mature, you know that, Black?”

“And sexy, don’t forget that, oh so important descriptor Lupin.”

Remus leans against the locker besides Sirius’s, watches as he trades his current binders for the lot he’ll need for the afternoon, and tries really hard not to stare too longingly at how Sirius’s arm muscles ripple beneath their school’s  maroon, uniform jackets  in the most delicious of ways. (He hates the fact he’s been dissolved into a starry eyed mess lusting over the star striker, but thus is his fate.)

“I’d never commit such a faux pas, and I’m insulted that you’d ever think as much.”

Sirius sneers at him with a slight shake to his head. “So you coming or not?”

“I’m still contemplating my options,” he preens, but before Sirius could retort, Marlene, megawatt smile and dangerously sharp  smirk— swaggers over towards them.

“Good morning my two beautiful chums!”

“What do you want?” Sirius asks before even glancing her way, to which Marlene blinks up at him, faux owlish. “S, I just wanted to greet a couple of my closest companions this lovely December morning,” she defends herself.

“Marls, you’re never this agreeable before noon,” Remus points out hesitantly.

“ And you rarely are even afterwards,” Sirius tacks on.

“Rude,” she pouts.

“Accurate,” Remus pipes in with an apologetic grimace.

Marlene stares them both down for a solid minute before finally relaxing her shoulders, and thrusting out the legal pad in her grasp. “The student council and spirit society are selling corsages for the snowflake formal, and Dorcas has deployed me to get some orders.”

“Whipped,” Sirius teases through a counter-fit cough.

Marlene doesn’t hesitate before smashing the legal pad on his head. “And you traipsing around getting people to buy the tickets for the theatre department last semester even though Re was only playing Mercutio wasn’t you being wrapped around his littlest finger?”

Remus flushes, feeling an unnerving amount of bees stinging around his stomach, and is thankful when the conversation pauses after Sirius casts her a very heated V.  “Sod off.”

“So are you guys gonna buy or not?” Marlene huffs, weight slung to her left hip, and arms crossed against her chest.

“I’m a gay bloke, Marls, did you forget that?” Remus pins her with a one eyed squint, and she just scrunches her face up at him, exasperated.

“I’m sure there’s matching boutonnieres.”

“Fine, I just don’t have any school spirit  then.”

This time she glares. “Lily and James are Head Boy and Head Girl, isn’t there like an oath between you lot,  one for all and all for one, or some rot?”

“That’s the three musketeers,” he says.

“isn’t that basically who you guys are?” She reasons.

Before their wage of words could continue, Sirius just grabs the order form out of Marlene’s hands and fills out a sheet with the flurry of his pen. “Happy?”

“Positively delighted,” she leers, pecking them both on the cheek before strutting off, reminding them of their group study session at Alice’s tonight in her wake.

Sirius shakes his head, reluctantly amused with a grin gathering on the corners of his mouth, but for Remus everything feels like it’s frozen. “You didn’t have to do that you know? ’S not like James is much of a Head Boy anyhow, and Lily wouldn’t have really cared.”

Sirius shrugs, commences their walk to the opposite wing of the school for their shared history class. “Emmy likes that sort of romantical shite.”

Remus sees red, feels his heart lodging in his damn esophagus. “Oh, so— Erm,  you’re taking her then,” Remus wonders if his tone sounds as detached as he feels.

“Yeah,” Sirius eyes him, questioning. “She wants that title of snow queen real bad, made me promise I’d campaign with her and the whole shtick.”

“Oh,” it’s like Remus could feel it when he closes off completely, can feel his hopes squashed down and his heart contract and his every organ collapsing in on themselves, leaving him feeling hollowed out completely.

Sirius slows down marginally, eyeing him with a slight frown. “Is that all right? I know you two don’t exactly get along and we were planning to go as a group, bu—“

“It’s fine,” Remus hates how screechy his voice gets, how he feels like he’s about to scream. “You two are a shoe in, no doubt.”

Sirius tries to mirror Remus’s faux excitement with a tepid grin of his own, but Remus doesn’t let him, instead commandeering their typical table on the back row and tries focussing on the thousandth war with France while his world tilts off kilter.

.-

Emmy is beautiful, and popular and her smile alone dazzles the whole room. She’s everything that Sirius should look for in a partner, someone to match his whip lash wit, and his taste for all things exuberant that skirt on flashy, and someone who’s got just as many friends and admirers as him.

They’re perfect and Remus should just get over his petty ass hatred of her, even if he still thinks she can be down right cruel and selective and selfish. Qualities Sirius surely isn’t… But maybe it’s all in his head how she sneers at people who she finds plane, or how she literally guffaws over the misfortune of others. Maybe his perception of how she wields people in like moths to a flame just to get what she wants is all a misunderstanding, or in his head or something.

Maybe all that’s possible, even if Remus seriously doubts it.

But at the end of the day, Sirius loves her— has been basically infatuated by Emmeline Vance since she first transferred at the start of their Freshman year. Sirius loves her, and who ever Sirius loves is merely an extension of him… Right?

Remus just needs to get over it and somehow rid himself of this crush he’s been fostering for so long it’s basically a part of him at this point. Though, he thinks it’d be a lot easier if he didn’t see their faces plastered on posters everywhere the week and a half leading up to the dance— looking like actual royals that would put Will and cate to shame.

.-

“Yo cheekbones!”

Remus starts, swivels around from where he was scratching his pen to paper, finding Sirius— as glimmering and beautiful as always— swaggering up to him, insanely electric smile painted over his face.

“Would you rather eat a jumbo jar of jalapeños without a break, or eat the toenails from someone with athlete’s foot next to your dinner every night of the rest of your life?”

“I thought you were having lunch with Emmy to keep up your royalty status before this weekend?” Remus asks, tacitly side stepping from the horrific images swimming to the forefront of his mind because of his cruel question.

“Now that doesn’t sound like an answer to my ultimatum,” Sirius says in a singsong sort of voice.

“You answer me first,” Remus says airily.

“But I asked first,” Sirius argues haughtily.

“Well both your options would kill me, so I wouldn’t do either,” Remus retorts.

“That’s not how the game works!”

“You’re the one who always says that rules were made to be broken,” Remus says, lofty as all get out,, and dissolves into laughter at the completely cross look Sirius’s giving him.

“You were born to be contrary, weren’t you?”

“So lunch?”

“Got bored,” he shrugs, hopping onto the corner of the desk Remus’s working on. “What you up to instead of eating?”

“My position paper for Model UN.” Sirius smiles down at him, and Remus can’t help the flush that spreads across his cheeks in return. “Not as glamorous as running as Snow King, I know.”

“It’s precious,” Sirius contends, his soft timbre sounding like syrup and his long fingers fluttering against Remus’s skin, pushing back a lock of his ever disheveled, tawny curls in a far to gentle way, and Remus gulps before averting his gaze to break the sudden tautness that’s built between them. 

They’ve had so many of these almost moments, ones that Remus’s always treasured but he knows doesn’t mean much of anything at all to Sirius— Sirius who is effortlessly hilarious, and brims with genius and  who is so beautiful that sometimes it hurts looking at him for too long. Sirius who has a new suitor at his beck and call on a near weekly basis. But whenever they transpire now, it just hurts all the more because Remus knows in his heart of hearts that they will never lead anywhere, and Sirius is in love with Emmy and Remus can’t let himself float around in this daydream for any longer.

“Ahem,” he clears his throat, shuffles in his seat only slightly. “I’m Algeria so my Mam’s pretty excited about it. She’s been telling me all the stuff Wikipedia’s got wrong and everything.”

Sirius laughs, but it doesn’t touch his eyes. “Your mother is kinda everything, you know that?”

Remus twists his mouth up, reluctant. “Don’t tell her as much, or else she’ll go on and on how she won Miss Teen Great Britain when she was only sixteen.”

“Hmm, I was wondering where you got that pretty face.”

“You, Sirius Black, can go lick an unwashed arse.”

“You’ll never catch a suitor with that cheek of yours though. I’d work on that, Lupin.”

“I don’t think I could ever win Miss Congeniality, alas.”  Remus doesn’t quite catch Sirius’s reply, to busy responding too the text his phone just chirped with instead.

“Mary John, are you listening?”

“Uh-huh.”

Sirius’s brows hike up, flabbergasted smile stretched across his face. “So totally rude! And I came all the way here— to the place where dreamers die— just to spend time with you.”

“Sorry,” Remus gives him an abashed little half grin before setting the phone back down. “’s just Fabian.”

Sirius’s expression drops, goes inquisitive instead of his typical ebullience. “Fabian? Why’s Fabian Prewett texting you, and why is he,” Sirius crooks his head so he’s able to read the new message that popped up on Remus’s phone’s screen. “Asking about color coordination?”

Remus blushes for an entirely new reason now, one he likes much less. “Ah, he’s the sort to like it when our suits like match, but not in an abrasive fashion, you know?”

Sirius’s face goes scarily blank.

“Your suits? Suits for what?”

“The dance…” Remus says slowly, he’s confused what Sirius’s confused about.

“The dance… Right… I thought you were still going with everyone else?”

“Pff, no way,” Remus scoffs. “Lily’s  only pretending to be single, you know how red in the face she gets whenever around James. They’ll end up dancing the whole night away. And with Dorcas running the whole event and Benjy thinking any social function is a plague on society, that’d leave me stuck with Peter and Mary, . And honestly I’ve seen enough of her tongue shoved down his throat for a lifetime.” Remus is only slightly  surprised that doesn’t even elicit a chuckle from Sirius, who’s now looking a bit stormy— and he thinks he’ll never be accustomed to his mercurial moods that can change as quickly as the snap of the finger.

“Right… So you’re going with Fabian Prewett… as your date?”

“Yes… Why is that so hard to believe?”

“it’s, it’s not,” Sirius scrambles, suddenly standing up.

“Then why are you being so weird about this,” Remus argues, getting up to meet him at his level.

“Am not!”

“You’re going with Emmy,” Remus reminds him, this edge of desperate.

“I know I am, okay. But you— you—“ Sirius tappers off, eyes glassy and lips parted with words he can’t get out, and Jesus fucking Christ is it weird how for the first time ever their roles have reversed. Sirius can’t put any sentences together, and everything Remus’s been beating down—  everything thrashing inside of him— are now burning his throat and warring over who can spill out first.

“What? I’m suppose to stay behind like the pathetic, nobody friend. The guy who’s just there to moon after you while you have an actual life. The Judie garland to your Mickie Roomie!”

“What are you even talking about right now!” Sirius shouts, sounding as torn apart as Remus feels.

“As if you don’t know!” He snarls, collecting his books into his backpack— Suddenly this room feels to stifling. He can’t breathe and it’s too hot and his chest is pounding.

He’s imploding and Remus has no idea how to rectify it.

“Just stop! Remus Stop!”

“leave me the fuck alone Sirius!”

“Why are you being such a prick about this!”

And that, that makes Remus angry, angrier than he’s ever been.

Before he could even think about it for a moment longer, Remus is rounding on him, dashing so close to Sirius that he can taste his breath with how close their faces are skirting against each other.

“I’m in love with you! I’ve been in love with you for forever, and I know that you don’t feel the same way, and I know that you’re in love with Emmy and, and I just know okay.”

“Wha—“ Sirius sputters, looking like a gaping fish. “Wait a second, are you jealous? Of sodding Emmy Vance?”

“Don’t!” Remus practically growls out. "Don’t disrespect me, okay? Don’t pretend that you never knew, or that I was such a good actor. I’ve been in love with you for years and you always knew and Fine, I get it. You never felt the same way, that’s fine. But just don’t pretend as if you never had the choice, don’t make me out as the bad guy for actually, finally saying yes to a bloke who’s actually into me. I need to fucking give up on the premise of us, I need to get over you. So I’m going out with fucking Fabian Prewett and you’re going out with Emmy Vance and that’s that!”

His breaths are labored, jagged and painful, as they race out of him, but Remus can’t move. He’s staring straight into Sirius’s beautiful, gray eyes, and he sees everything he’s always seen there, and hates that this is probably the last time he’ll get to be this close to him.

Not after this.

“I didn’t,” is the first thing Sirius croaks out, broken and helpless. “i didn’t know, Remus you have to believe me— I didn’t—”

“How! How could you not know!” He shouts back, but Remus doesn’t get his answer in so many words, instead he feels it.

He feels it when Sirius clamps his hands on either end of his waste-line, feels it when Sirius smashes their lips together in a cacophony of lips, and teeth and spit. He feels it when Sirius moans in side of him, when his hand moves down, spreads across the width of the small of his back, pushing their torsos even closer. Remus feels it when everything goes into focus, when he takes Sirius into his arms, greedy and excited and disbelieving.

And Remus thinks to all the other times he’s kissed another boy— To this prior weekend swapping snogs with a beaming Fabian in the back of a theatre. He thinks of how there was never anything worth anything when he kissed any of them Because it was all Sirius, always Sirius. And he could try to love Fabian, or some other cute boy, and he tried, and he tried, and he tried, and he gave all he had…but it was never enough, could it ever be enough?

Remus knows it in his bones that it’s enough when it’s with Sirius.

When they finally pull apart it’s difficult to breathe and Remus feels lightheaded and it’s wonderful in the most marvelous of ways.

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” Sirius says in a whisper. 

“Maybe next time give a guy some warning?” Remus can’t help the shit eating smirk that swipes across his mouth and is elated at the adorably cross scowl Sirius answers him with.

“Fine jackass, how’s this for a warning, I’m gonna kiss you now.”

“That’ll be sufficient, I suppose,” Remus goads, laughing against Sirius’s lips when he does just that.

~*~

Sirius ends up winning snow king, but rejects the dance with Emmy, opts to ask Remus to join him instead, as if they were in the middle of some John Hughes movie from the fucking 80s.

It’s utterly ridiculous and overdone and simply way too much— but everyone applauded and cheered and when Sirius kissed him in the middle of it, Remus felt as if his whole body sung with joy.

.-

~My Wolfstar FIC Masterlist