#Joel and Tess is great shit but I want to have her to myself for a bit

[milf-lover42]

So uh… where’s the Tess and reader fics? Where are they? I know you have them. Hand them over and no one gets hurt

[folkwhorerain]

I wish I knew you wanted me.

tess servopoulos x gn!reader.

gif not mine.

Summary: you have always liked Tess, but you were certain she liked Joel so you never made a move. When the lunch with two new people she's been talking to lead to a sensitive topic, your crush for the woman might get exposed.

Warnings: language (?), angst but with a fluffy end.

Author's note: I only wrote 3 fanfictions in my entire life so I'm sorry if this is lame or the writing isn't as good as you expected, but I promise I tried hard to at least make you enjoy an idea that's been in my head since I saw episode three. This was requested by me in a post I made a few days ago but then I pulled a Thanos and said "fine, I'll do it myself".

One last thing, English is not my first language so I'm really sorry if there are any mistakes. I tried my best to fix any error I could find.

Enjoy!!

You and Tess didn't have friends… or rather, you didn't have friends beside Joel. So when you heard her say she was talking to a man over the radio you couldn't believe your ears.

"Him and his partner seem nice." Tess informed you, cleaning the counter next to the one you were sitting on. "If this goes well they could be a really good resource for us."

Us. Obviously she was talking about her and Joel, but you got a sparkle of hope she meant you as well, if just as a friend you didn't mind kinda.

”I thought we couldn't trust anyone." You told her the same words she told you not a long time a ago, wiggling your feet nervously.

She laughed. "Joel said the same." And with that she placed the rag into the sink. "He's not too please with this situation either, but I made up my mind."

Tess was the one who often made decisions for both you and Joel. Since you met her a few years ago, when you finally found the QZ, you can't recall the times when she really gave the opportunity for Joel to change plans when smuggling shit… or just in general. She liked to boss him around and, since you became her friend, she did the same with you. Not that you cared, though. She was better than you at making tough decision and you were better than her at getting her out of her shell when she needed it.

That's why your duo worked and you were great together. It would be amazing if you didn't have that stupid crush on her. It would've been even more fantastic if she didn't have a crush on Joel, or so you thought.

You sighed, licking your lips. You were tapping nervously the marble you were sitting on with your index finger, thinking of all the things that could possibly go wrong. "We're not fucking going, Tess."

•••

That conversation was a few days ago, but giving the fact that she can be very convincing and you can't say no to her, there you were: sitting at the table with Joel and Tess and two people who you learnt were Bill and Frank.

You had to admit the place was nice and well taken care of. Frank was a sweet person with so much love for the little things, Bill was quite the opposite with a paranoid nature, but cooked a meal that made your mouth water just by the sight.

Overall, you felt comfortable with them. Mostly Frank because Bill hasn't stopped staring at you, Tess and Joel like he wanted to shoot you for the entire time, and the gun he kept on the table like he was the hunter and you were the preys didn't really help either.

"Thank you for inviting us" said Tess, taking a sip of the wine Frank just poured in her glass a few moments before. "I gotta say that, gun aside, which I get by the way," she stopped to look at Bill, hoping all her gratitude could be felt by the most cynic one of the couple. "How nice it is to have a civilized meal in such a beautiful place."

Seeing how much Tess was relaxed with the presence of the men, you smiled a little. "Yeah, thank you for the warmth you showed us, too. We really needed that." You said, which was gladly appreciated by Tess, knowing that it has been hard for you agreeing to this meeting.

Joel, on the other hand, remained silent, looking at Bill the entire time. The whole situation started to look more like a staring competition.

Bill just put the gun off the table, not letting his walls down that easily just for a speech that, if you didn't know Tess enough to tell she was serious, could fairly enough pass for a fake praise.

"Well…" Frank smiled, taking Bill's hand who just side eyed him. "It's nice to see there's still decent people willing to work peacefully and help others. Help that will be returned, of course."

You let out a small thank you, not really being the talkative one of the group. Then Frank added something that made you almost choke on your food and your heart drop to your stomach.

"It's also nice to see a great couple like you and Joel try to fight for love in a shitty situation like the one we're living in."

You could've noticed Tess cringe slightly at that if your eyes didn't start watering.

If only he knew how her walls only crumbled down when she was with you. How she muttered an "I love you" whenever you passed out after a drinking competition with Joel or how she would steal your shirts because "mine are all stained with the blood of some motherfucker I hit during smuggling" when, in reality, she felt safe whenever she worn anything yours.

"Excuse me." You let out a shaky breath before getting up and fast walking to the back of the house.

Joel glanced at Tess and nodded to the brunette to check on you. She sighed quitely before smiling politely and excusing herself.

You were about to crumble when you felt a firm hand grab your arm, making you turn around.

"Hey, what has gotten into you?" Tess asked you with a concerned look.

You didn't answer. You couldn't or else you would've had to tell her why your heart ached everytime someone thought her and Joel were together and how you wished she never realises they might be right.

"What? Cat got your tongue or there's a fucking clicker around?” she whispered the last part, teasing you like she always did, a fake worry on her face to disguise the real concern she felt for you.

"Ah-ah! Very funny, Theresa!" You turned around again, not having the strength to look at her when your tears were urging to come out.

"Uh-oh!" she said, her teasing nature never leaving her. "You only call me by my full name when you're angry."

When she saw you weren't giving her an answer anytime soon, she frowned. She knew you could be as secretive as her, therefore she never forced you to talk about whatever was bothering you, but now it was different; as much as she didn't want to admit it, not knowing what was bothering you was killing her.

"Look, I know something's bothering you and I need to know, 'cause the silent treatment is getting fucking annoying." Her tone was firm and calm, but you could hear that hint of annoyance that was haunting her. "If I did something wrong—"

"You didn't do anything." You sighed, running a hand through your hair. The pressure you felt become unbearable when you closed your eyes to try and ease your headache that, of course, become persistent like the brunette who was waiting for some sort of explanation.

"Well, okay. Then what is it?" She placed both her hands on her hips, staring at you with so much force you thought you could turn into pudding in that very moment. You hated the effect she had on you. It was worse than the symptoms cordyceps caused. She was the reason you could lose your mind at any moment, the only reason you could really get violent if any motherfucker even tried to hurt her.

"Y/N."

"You and Joel are so cute together!" You mocked what Frank said minutes before, the thought making you groan in frustration.

She looked at you with a puzzled expression, not understanding where the conversation was going. "What are you—"

Then it hit her. There was a deeper meaning to the harsh glances you always gave Joel whenever he would look at Tess much more for your liking. Now she understood why you never wanted her to go smuggling with him alone and she understood the reason of your overprotective nature anytime she was in trouble.

"Oh, I see…"

The frown on your face was inevitable when she stepped so close to you that you had to take a few steps back. Her stare was now holding a new light you didn't know the meaning of yet. "You're jealous."

The stupid smile adorning her face was infuriating. She was pleased by your jealousy? And for what? So she could tease you everyday for not feeling the same? So she could get even more clingy to Joel just to hurt you?

Her face softened when she saw your eyes were glossy, placing her hands on both your cheeks when you tried to hide your face.

"I wish I knew…" she breathed out, placing a strain of hair behind your ear. The sudden serious expression and the sweetness in her gestures surprised you.

Your head immediately snapped at her. "Why? So you and Joel can throw your relationship in my face?!"

She was a little taken aback by the hint of bitterness in your words, incredolus you would actually think she'd play you like that.

"You really think I would do that?" The hurt on her voice was evident, even though she tried to hide it with a harsh glance.

You shrugged your shoulder. You knew you weren't thinking clearly. Tess, your Tess, the one who has always been there for you through thick and thin, who helped you process your loved one's deaths, the one who almost killed a civilian who tried to rob you of your ration cards, she would never hurt you like that.

You took a deep breath and closed your eyes, trying to ease the tension you felt on your shoulders. Angry at yourself for how your irrationality was getting the best of you. "No, you wouldn't."

"Good." She smiled briefly at your words. "There's nothing between me and Joel, Y/N. Quite the opposite… he's been fucking teasing me for months about my stupid crush on you."

You widened your eyes, not believing what she just confessed. You tried to process her words as fast as possible, then a smirk crossed your face. "So you like me, ms. Servopoulos?"

She rolled her eyes at you and took you by the collar of your shirt. "Fuck you."

You laughed at that, feeling like the weight of the world got off of you.

"You really never noticed?" She had this incredulous expression in her face and you suddenly felt dumb. Did you really never notice? Did that mean that the times she would touch your hand for a time too long to be considered just an affectionate gesture hid something deeper? That the steady looks she gave people in the streets who looked at you too much for her liking were just a consequence of her jealousy and not her just being the wary woman she has always been?

"No? I mean, you've always been so secretive with… basically everything!" You tried to defend yourself.

She laughed like you said the funniest joke she ever heard. "Y/N, you're so fucking oblivious!"

Now you were embarrassed as fuck. How could you be so stupid?

"But it's cute." She was quick to add when she noticed how mortified you looked.

You watched her carefully with a slight pink covering your cheeks and noticed her eyes shifted briefly to your lips, so you took the opportunity to ask something you wanted to ask for a really long time.

"Can I kiss—"

"Shut the fuck up." And with that she kissed you.

Suddenly the world went quiet and the hole you felt right in your chest was fullfilled by a feeling you have been chasing since you heard of it, but never had the pleasure to experience. All your life you've been seeking for survival, you thought the only thing that mattered was going on and not getting killed, but you were wrong. Oh boy, you were so wrong. You didn't seek for survival, you seeked for Tess' left hand on your neck when she deepened the kiss, you seeked for the wine hanging on her tongue when she explored the insides of your mouth, you seeked for her other hand grabbing your hips in a way that took your breath away. You seeked for the gasps only her she could let you out from now on. You seeked to live for her and with her for as long as the fate would allow the both of you.

When you broke the kiss and opened your eyes, you felt stupid for not realising the love and admiration she felt for you. It was all there, you could see it in her eyes how she craved you like a starving woman. How she wanted to get into you, to be all over your body and grow into your lungs, brain and heart, not leaving room for any other person who could have your smiles and good days alongside your bad ones. You saw how she wanted to claim you and cherish you. How she wanted to worship you like a believer does with God.

You gave her one last kiss and then hugged her, placing both your hands on her hips like the clingy person you could be around her.

"You already want to get into my pants?" She teased you, raising an eyebrow. "Geez Y/N. Take me to a fucking date first or shits like that."

"You idiot." You shook your head, giving her a peck on the lips. "Shall we go back to the table?"

She nodded, kissing the back of your hand. "We shall."

When you got back to where three men where waiting, Joel gave you and the brunette a knowing look and you slightly nodded at him.

"You okay, Y/N?" Frank asked you with a genuine concern you appreciated.

You just looked at Tess with a stare that said more than words could ever do.

"I'm more than okay."

Frank looked at the two of you and grinned, taking a bite of his steak, realising the mistake he made before you left the table.

"Well, I guess I got the person wrong."

Tess briefly chuckled at that, giving you one last look that held all the love she never knew she could feel again towards someone.

"You did."

Well, that was it. I hope it satisfied your expectations!

[tlouxobsessed]

College Affairs

Chapter III

I could not believe what had happened the night before, I stared up at the ceiling recalling all of the memories from last night. The kissing, the touching....the moaning. Holy fuck I needed some sex badly, I wanted Ellie, I need Ellie. I couldn't stop imagining her moaning my name, her sweet juices littering my face while I'd suck her dry, Jesus fuck.

I stood up pulling out some basic jeans and a sweatshirt, I had to get ready before class. Not only do I have class, I have that party tonight. Shit today is not going to be that good. I could feel my stomach rumbling, I was nervous.

I glanced over at the empty bed, 'hmm it's only '8:15' she must be in class already' I tried relaxing myself as I continued to get ready.

~ Ellie point of view ~

Once the kiss ended and we both headed to bed, all I could think about was fucking her. Fucking y/n so hard until her legs are shaking. I didn't even know how to contain myself. I woke up before she did, I couldn't face her after last night. I know she likes me but I can't, I don't want to. I haven't been in a good relationship since Cat and even then I don't like bein' loyal. It ain't my style y'know?

I stood up sliding on a pair of black Nike sweats, a dark green hoodie and some basic UGGS. Joel had got me these a few weeks before college had first started he began stating his "you're becoming a woman! you need some new clothes and shoes other than those little shitty sneakers you got on there." He always made me laugh, I believe he is coming down next week with Tess to visit me. I enjoyed his company. I liked Tess too, I hadn't seen her in awhile.

I was fourteen when Joel had adopted me, he had a daughter named Sarah. She passed away due to smallpox, he was devastated. He ended up getting a call a few years after Sarah's death. "Joel....It's me...Marlene" He hadn't heard from Marlene in years, when she explained my mother had passed and she didn't want to keep me in foster care anymore, he decided he'd take me in. I was a cunt, mean, rude and disrespectful. I wouldn't follow his rules, I'd bust his balls but eventually I ended up adoring him. He introduced me to Tess after a year of being my guardian, She became my step mother around a few months before my seventeenth birthday. It stayed just the three of us, they gave me the 'bird and the bees talk' Joel taught me how to ride a bike, he was great. I never called him dad, always Joel. Tess was always referred to as Tess. They were my best friends, well that was until Dina moved next door.

~ Flashback ~

It was late October, slowly getting colder out. My over-sized blue zip-up and my black, ripped jeans didn't give me any warmth. I walked as fast as I could picking at the skin on my left thumb.

"HEY!!" I turned around after hearing someone shout at me, I pulled out an earbud looking hopelessly for the source of the voice.

"hi...?" I questioned looking at the girl. She was maybe 5'4, black hair with dark brown eyes. Lots of freckles, she was wearing a light green jacket with some brown pants, her boots looked so warm and fuzzy I was jealous.

"I'm Dina, I always see you walking home so I figured we could be friends" I watched as she ran by my side to walk with me. I didn't push her away, she was the first friend I made after living at Joel's for over seven months.

~ Flashback over ~

I looked down at the time, '7:35' I had to go, I knew she'd be up around eight-ish and I did not want to be here when she'd wake up. I didn't get what was wrong with me, I couldn't tell what I was feeling for her. I wanted to rip her clothes off of her last night, I knew I wanted to fuck her but it almost felt deeper than that. I knew if I saw her again, in a towel? shit I dunno what I'd do.

I grabbed my car keys, wallet and backpack. I'd stop back here later to change then head to the party but for now I needed something to eat and drink. I made my way to the local coffee shop, upon walking in I saw the fucking cunt, Abby. God she stole so many girls from me, all because she was "nicer" and "actually cared about more than just their bodies." Like seriously I couldn't care less.

I approached the cashier which just so happened to be Sarah. Fuck. My. Life.

"oh...um how can I help you?"

"yea uhh lemme get a medium strawberry-passion fruit and a croissant buttered" I watched as she typed into the machine pulling up the total. Her hands slightly shaking.

"six dollars and seventy five cents, it'll be out in a few-"

"Is everything 'kay over here? you look a lil' tense Sar" I watched as Abby wrapped her hands around Sarah's waist, I rolled my eyes and walked away. I saw Abby smirk in the corner of my eye, jesus she fucking annoys me. I watched Abby begin making my drink.

Fantastic.

"Ellie?" I watched the young boy call out, he looked cute. "Have a good day" he said walking away, I grabbed my shit and sprinted out of there as fast as I could. I pushed my forearm against the door until I heard my name.

"have a great one els" I cringed at that name, I knew it was Abby just being Abby. I quickly left.

I needed to get fucked up tonight. I pulled out of the spot speeding away.

~ Third Person ~

Abby watched Ellie quickly get into her car and speed away. Abby had always loved bothering Ellie. The two were life long best friends until one of Ellie hoes fucked with Abby, a hoe in which Ellie really liked. Abby had no idea this girl was fucking with her best friend, therefore the two split apart. Ellie had never tried hearing Ab out so she gave up. Abby just moved on.

"Sarah, you fucked Ellie?" Abby walked over to the blonde, her mouth forming into a thin line.

"Abby!!"

"c'mon sarah, for real?" Abby was heated, Sarah was so sweet she'd kill Ellie if she ever tried fucking Sarah again.

"She took my vir-" Nope Done. Abby walked over to Sarah pulling her into the back room. "hey! Abby-"

"Sarah you cannot do anything with Ellie anymore, she is a bad person. She fucks girls then dips on them, she is a cunt, a selfish bitch. Please find a better girl....please" Abby was practically on her knees begging.

"Okay okay, but you have to come with me to the party tonight. Jesse's....pleaseeeee" Sarah convinced Abby until she finally nodded in agreement. What had Abby gotten herself into.

Eventually the day went by, the cafe was busy perusal. Abby clocked out and began heading back to her dorm. Abby's roommate was never there, she had a scholarship for soccer which meant she was traveling the country most of the time. Abby always had the place to herself, which was nice. She'd bring back some girls most of the time, or just fuck around in her underwear.

Abby wasn't a slut though, she didn't just fuck girls then dip on them. She'd only been in two serious relationships. Owen Moore and Grace Smith. She was in love with Grace but Owen? not so much... that was how she realized she was Bisexual with a huge preference for girls. Therefore after Grace, Abby went berserk. She fucked three girls, dipping on all of them. She ended up changing her ways once she saw the real damage it was doing to her ego, and the girls.

Even though Abby wasn't a player anymore, she still couldn't help but miss her past ways. She pulled plenty but now she stuck to herself. Yet she couldn't stop thinking about y/n, the coffee shop girl.

Abby was praying y/n would be going to the party, she wanted to get to know you a little before she pulled anything. She was trying to be a better person, but it was difficult. Her motto became "at least I'm not like Ellie!"

She pulled out a black button up and some light wash jeans. Even though it was only 4:15, she'd like to be early. Once dressed she plopped on the couch....'I wonder what her socials are' Abby began searching.

DinaHoffman -> Katiemariehoffman -> (y/n)(L/n)

"Got it" Abby began clicking and looking through your photos. A picture of Katie and you kissing one another on the cheek, a photo of a coffee on your Instagram story. Some old graduation photos, beach photos, dog photos, a mental health highlight....

"shit" Abby moaned out when she clicked on the highlight named "me👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩" not only did it reveal you might like girls from the emoji, the first photo was you in a dark blue bikini. Your tits were popping out, the double DD's was all she could think about. The next photo was you in a hot pink, tight dress. Your tits vibrant, your ass fat. Abby was foaming at the mouth. She was praying you'd be wearing something sexy to that party, just like she was praying you'd even be there.

Abby felt her face become hot, quickly clicking out of the app and clearing her tabs. She needed to let off some steam. A small shot glass filled with some whiskey.

----------------------------------------------

~ Y/N point of view ~

I chugged my Dunkin' coffee as quickly as possible. I needed to get back to the dorm, I had already went to my class prior to the coffee since I had woken up too late. I was pissed for Ellie being a cunt, I needed her to understand that I'm all real no play.

I sighed in frustration as I opened the door, walking in revealing an empty bed once again. I felt much more calm now knowing I could quickly change in peace. I climbed into the shower, feeling the hot water run down my back. I climbed out wrapping my towel around me, I felt much more at ease until I heard the jingling of Ellie's keys. I came out of the bathroom, steam filling the cold room. Ellie's eyes darted at me, she came rushing towards me. Her eyes darted from my lips to my eyes back to my lips. She pushed herself against me, slipping her tongue into my mouth. I felt her hand run down the arch of my back gripping my ass, she moved down her lips sucking on my neck. She sighed out and backed away after the kisses against my neck, it was filled with passion. I was even more confused.

"Ellie...."

"I have to go but I'll be back to give you a ride"

What. The. Fuck. I watched Ellie grab out her clothes and rush out of the room. Where is she going? and why does she keep leading me on.

A mini chapter and a cliff hanger ;)

part 4

[coffeewhiskeyandotherdarkthings]

Keep You (Until the End Prequel)

rating: E (18+ only, MDNI)

Series Summary: A single afternoon changes everything. A reflective on the ten years before leaving the Boston QZ.

Series Warnings: smut (m/f pairing, oral, intercourse, dom/sub undertones, a pinch of Daddy kink) angst, suicidal ideation, grief, mentions of child loss, cannon typical violence, infidelity, no use of Y/N, reader has nickname (of sorts), no explicit body descriptions

This is not an exhaustive list but should serve as an indication of the general content.

Word Count: 6.7K

One Two

The third time Joel Miller saved my life was also the first time I saved his.

And we damned ourselves in the process.

Four years had passed since that moment on the rooftop. Neither of us ever mentioned our respective losses again. Tess began treating me with what could only be called neutrality and once, when I made an offhand comment to Tommy about the change in her attitude, he let it slip that he’d interrupted a conversation between Joel and Tess where the topic of conversation had obviously been me. Whatever the details, the result was undeniable.

Tess still didn’t like me. It was debatable on whether or not she respected me. But she wasn’t going to try and lead me into a nest of clickers at any point, either. Probably. And if she made it a point to make sure Joel and I were never alone together… well, it was almost insulting, the obvious lack of trust for not only myself but for him, but at the end of the day it was her issue to work out, not mine.

And Tommy….

The more I held him at arm’s length, the harder he pushed to get closer, the more he pushed for something I didn’t have it in me to give him. And no matter how many times I told him, how cruel I was, he refused to believe that what we had was all we ever would have.

“I can wait.” He made the offer—or the threat, depending on how you wanted to interpret the statement—as we were laying in bed one night, a rare evening of no work ruined by his insistence on talking about the future. Or as he put it, ‘our’ future. “You know all you have to do is ask. Hell, you don’t even have to ask. Just tell me.”

“I have told you. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve told you.” I sat up, his arms slipping away from me, and I shoved my hands through my hair, resisting the urge to dig my nails into my scalp and scream out my frustration. Yelling at Tommy was a great deal like kicking a puppy. “The things you want? Family, kids? Kids?” I couldn’t hold back a laugh of disbelief. “If I found out I was pregnant, I’d throw myself off the closest multistory building.”

“Don’t say things like that.” His voice sharpened and the bed creaked as he sat up, wrapping his fingers around one of my wrists and forcing my hand back to the mattress. Glancing over at him, I watched the muscle in his jaw tic, as he clenched and unclenched his jaw before grinding out, “Are you… I mean, have you… shit, what I’m trying to ask is how bad—.”

“That’s such a relative word, ‘bad’.” I sighed, suddenly exhausted. “Do you remember last year, when it was physically impossible for me to get off the couch? When even water made me sick, when every noise was too loud, every speck of light was too bright? When breathing, just breathing, drained any energy I had?” He nodded and I said, “On a scale of one to ten, how bad would you say that was? For you, how bad would that have been?”

“I don’t know.” He frowned, clearly giving thought to the question. “Ten, maybe. Eleven, twelve—like I said, I don’t know.” He frowned harder, his brows drawing together over the bridge of his nose. “How bad was that for you?”

“Mostly a six. Maybe a seven toward the end.” His jaw dropped and he sputtered unintelligibly for a moment. I shrugged, resting my chin on my drawn up knees. “The majority of my days are around a five. A good one, a really good one, is around a three.” I continued to study him, watching as he turned those statements over in his mind, and I saw the instant understanding dawned and the grief that came with it. “I can’t give you more, Tommy, because I don’t have it. And it isn’t fair to expect you to settle for less. You shouldn’t want to settle for less.” I gave him a half-hearted smile when he lifted my hand and brushed his lips over my knuckles. “The world didn’t stop for me, not entirely, but it’s never going to spin as fast as yours does. And one day you’re going to find someone whose world is spinning at the same speed as yours. Don’t miss your chance with them because you’re still waiting for me to catch up.”

We sat in silence for a while until he finally sighed, leaning over and kissing me. “Well, I only have myself to blame for a bruised  heart.” Pressing his forehead to mine, he kissed me again, cutting off my protest. “I mean it, Kay. I could have sent you away that first night, could have told you I wasn’t interested. Hell, I could have made the decision to end this at any point in the last five years, especially since you’ve been nothing but honest about what you’re willing to give me.” He laid back down, tugging on my hand until I followed, curling up against him out of habit. He kissed my temple before resting his chin on the top of my head. “This is all on me, Kay. One of the consequences of being a dreamer.” He stroked his hand down my back. “I do have a question, though.”

“What?”

“Until this other person comes along, can we still—.” He broke off when I started laughing. “What? It’s a valid question.” He rolled us over, pinning me to the mattress as I continued to laugh. “Since you’re not saying no, I’m going to assume that’s a yes.”

“Yes, but—.” I ducked his kiss, laughing as he faceplanted into the pillow with a groan. “In a minute. First tell me what you and Joel were fighting about earlier.” I tugged on his hair when he groaned again. “Seriously, Tommy. We’ve got a run coming in a few days, we’re going to be glued at the hip for a good two weeks. I’d like to know I’m not going to stick my foot in my mouth at some point.”

“It’s nothing.” Even with his face still firmly planted in the pillow, the annoyance in his voice came through loud and clear. “Just Joel being Joel.”

“Tommy.” It took some more wiggling but I managed to slide from under him, turning to lay on my side and face him. “Tell me.”

“Ugh.” Turning his head on the pillow, he scowled at me. “Fine. But I want benefits afterward.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.” His scowl shifted into a frown, a pout, really, but I’d never tell him the facial expression reminded me of a petulant child. “So I’ve been talking with some people.” He huffed out a breath. “Fireflies.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Tommy.”

“Don’t go flying off the handle or making any sort of snap judgments, okay? Please.” He closed his eyes and sighed. “Got enough of that already from Joel.”

“The Fireflies have been fighting the same fight and spouting the same bullshit for over a decade and they’ve not managed to do a damn thing but piss FEDRA off and make life even more difficult for the rest of us.” I stroked my fingers through his hair, keeping my touch light even though I wanted to grab his hair and shake some sense into him. “They want to get rid of FEDRA. Great. Don’t think a lot of people would complain about that. But what happens after?”

“What do you mean?”

“You can’t just overthrow a government—and as much as I hate to admit it, FEDRA is the government—without having some sort of plan for what comes next.” I fought back my irritation when he opened his eyes, his confusion evident. “Who keeps the power on? Who keeps supplies coming in? Who keeps order?” When he simply stared at me, I huffed out a breath. “Those things don’t just happen, Tommy. Someone, usually a lot of someones, make those things happen and makes sure those things keep happening. That’s what a government is, that’s what it does. You can’t demolish an infrastructure without a plan for a new one.”

“Well, I’m sure they’ve got some sort of plan.” His frown deepened. “Anyway, like I said, I’ve been talking to some of them. They’ve been talking about leaving Boston, heading west.”

“West? Just… west? No place in particular?” When he simply scowled, I sighed. “Tommy.”

“It’s a chance to do something good. Or try to, anyway.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Try to make up for some of the other shit I’ve done over the years.”

“You want absolution, you go to confession.” I grabbed his hand, lacing my fingers with his. “You don’t go running off for parts unknown with some vague idea of making the world a better place.” His eyes went flat and even though I knew the conversation was over I kept pushing. “You want to make the world a better place, want to atone for some imagined sins? You can do those things here.”

“It’s late.” He rolled away from me, shrugging off my hand and giving me his back. “Feeling a little tired. Think I’m gonna have to take a raincheck on those benefits.”

“Right.” I stared at his back for a long moment. “Tommy?”

“Yeah?”

“Just…promise me you won’t do anything rash.”

“Damn it, Kay.” He turned back toward me, his face weary. Reaching over, he laid his palm on my cheek. “How the hell am I supposed to stay angry when you say things like that?”

A week later, Tommy, Joel, Tess, and I were standing outside a dilapidated mall some twenty miles outside of Boston. We’d been through this particular suburb before but not this building—the last time we’d been in the area we’d been dodging raiders and hadn’t had the time to make sure it was clear of infected. This time out we’d not ran into a single person, alive or infected, and though Joel had argued bitterly against clearing the structure, saying it was doubtful it held anything of value after so many years, Tommy and Tess had overruled him. I didn’t have an opinion on the matter, simply because I didn’t go outside the QZ enough to make an informed decision on such topics.

When it came time to split into teams, I was surprised when Tess said, “Kay and I will take the north and west wings. Joel, Tommy, you’ve got the south and east wings.”

“No.” If Tess’s statement surprised me, Tommy’s threatened to send me into a tailspin. “No, Kay can go with Joel. I’ll go with you.”

“Fine.” Before any of us could question or protest, Tess grabbed Tommy’s arm and began stalking down the wide corridor, pulling him in her wake.

Joel and I stared at each other for a moment before I cleared my throat. “So.”

“Let’s go. We’re wasting daylight.” He strode forward, coming to a stop after a few steps and sighing, his shoulders slumping. “Kay—.”

“If I’d known today was ‘be pissed at Joel’ day, I would have tried to think of some reason.” I pulled the flashlight from my bag before shrugging it back on, tightening the straps until the pack was snug and secure. “You know how much I hate being unprepared.” Coming even with him, I glanced at him from the corner of my eye. “Seriously, though.”

“Personal stuff, not business.” We continued walking, passing a few stores in a not entirely uncomfortable silence before he cleared his throat. “Tommy tell you about those people he’s been talking to? The Fireflies?”

“Yeah, last week.” I glanced at him again, taking note of the lines digging in around his eyes, the faint glisten of silver creeping in at his temple. “We’re not really seeing eye-to-eye on the topic.”

“Hmm.” He slowed, coming to a stop in front of what had once been a pharmacy, studying the storefront for a moment before glancing at me. “Thoughts?”

“On Tommy and the Fireflies or on the possibility of finding anything of use in there?”

He grunted. “Both, I guess.”

“Doesn’t hurt to look.” I waited until he drew his gun and cleared the entrance before following him inside, swallowing a chuckle when I saw the handheld baskets stacked neatly, as if still awaiting customers. “You’d be surprised at the alternate uses most products have.”

Scanning the shelves as we made our way down the first aisle, I said, “As for Tommy… I told him it all sounded like bullshit. Also told him if he wanted absolution for his so-called sins there were plenty of other ways he could find it besides joining up with a third-rate rebellion.” I paused in front of the mostly depleted feminine hygiene section, unhitching my bag and kneeling before beginning to pack away the few remaining items. “Apparently, whatever he did—whatever the three of you did—requires some great penance.” I scooted back a few inches, wiggling the hidden drawer for excess product open and rapping my knuckles on the tiled floor in celebration. “God, I love those little surprises.” I shuffled through the product, trying to prioritize the contents. “Does it?”

“What?” Joel knelt next to me, opening his own bag and beginning to pack away items. “Kay?”

“Does whatever you three did require a great deal of penance?”

He stilled and in response so did I, pausing and looking over at him to find him studying me. Clearing his throat, he said, “Maybe. Maybe we could have done things different. Survival ain’t always pretty.”

“True.” The silence stretched out and after a moment I said, “Did you enjoy them? Those things you could have done differently which weren’t always pretty?”

He snorted, zipping his bag shut and slinging it over his shoulder. “Can’t say having a good time was something any of us considered when we were… well, when we were doing those things.”

“Then it seems to me having to live with the memory of those things is penance enough.” I shrugged and went back to stowing supplies. “Anyway, that explains Tommy being pissed at you. What about Tess?”

Before he could answer, there was a soft but distinctive sound from the front of the store.

Clicker.

Between one breath and the next we were up and moving, almost sprinting toward the back.  I clutched my bag with one hand, Joel’s with my other, my flashlight left on the floor. Rounding the pharmacist counter, Joel took a few precious seconds to scan the space before shoving me toward a ransacked supply room. “Inside.”

Slipping in behind me, he eased the door shut and then locked it. Without speaking, we worked together to move one of the shelving units in front of the door, careful not to make any noise. Once we finished, he unhitched his bag and pulled out the small two-way radio we used for emergencies and cut it off—that alone would be a signal to Tess that we were in a do not disturb situation. Setting his bag on an empty shelf, he murmured, “Now all we can do is wait.”

“Right.” Like him, I kept my voice down, barely above a whisper. Clickers might not have been able to see their prey but their hearing was phenomenal. Any noise louder than the wind would put us in a world of danger. “How long?”

“Until?”

“Just….” I shrugged, even though it was pitch black in the supply room and I knew he couldn’t see me. “How long?”

“It could wander off in a few minutes.” He paused. “Be better to wait for the others, though.”

“Right.” Moving quietly, I set my own bag on the shelf next to his, safe from the possibility of accidently being kicked in the dark and drawing attention to us. With the shelving unit in front of the door, the space in the room had dwindled to only a few feet, making it impossible to stand in any place without being a breath away from Joel. After a moment, I murmured, “Tess?”

He was quiet for so long I began to believe he didn’t hear me. Finally, he breathed out, “She’s like Tommy.”

I stayed silent, waiting for him to elaborate.

“She wants more. She thinks I don’t know, thinks as long as she doesn’t ask for it that things will be fine but….”

“I know.”

“Figured you would.” Another long stretch of silence. “It hurts her, the wanting more, and I wish it didn’t but….”

“I know.” As if it had a mind and will of its own, my hand brushed against his and it was impossible to know for sure whether it was him or me or maybe both of us who shuddered. “It would be easier if we could give them what they want.”

“Yeah.” There was a faint rustle and then his hand was cupping my cheek, his thumb brushing over my lower lip, and I knew this time I was the one who trembled. “It would be easier if….” He trailed off, lowering his head and pressing his forehead to mine, drawing in a deep breath. “If I didn’t remember what you taste like.”

I nearly swallowed my tongue in an effort to hold back a moan but he heard it. Of course he heard it.

“Or that sound.” He dragged his other hand up my torso until he was able to wrap his fingers around my throat, his thumb stroking my pulse, almost an exact recreation of that afternoon in Frankie’s office almost five years earlier. “Fuck, that sound. Sometimes I’ll hear it in my dreams and reach for you but—.”

“I know.” Through no conscious effort on my part, my hands found their way to his hips, fingers curling around belt loops, clutching at worn denim as I fit my lower body against his, desperate to be closer. “I smell you sometimes and for a moment I can’t breathe, I can’t think, I can’t—.”

“I know.” He traced the seam of my lips with his thumb, shuddering when the tip of my tongue made contact with his skin. “Tell me to stop.” He walked me back until I was trapped between him and the wall. He tightened his grip on my throat, not enough to leave marks or to restrict my breathing, but almost as if he was scared I’d slip away if he didn’t hold tight. “Kay—.”

“I can’t.” I uncurled one set of fingers from his jeans and slid my hand under his shirt, the moan catching in my throat and vibrating against his hand when I flattened my palm against his stomach, touching him, really and truly, for the first time. “Joel.” I shifted, easing my hand lower, my fingers dipping under worn denim, barely able to brush over his hip bone. “Tell me—.”

“No.” He dug his thumbnail into my lower lip, his own mouth muffling my gasp before pulling back, his lips never quite leaving mine. “I can’t, either.” He kissed me again, spinning it out until I was almost dizzy from the lack of oxygen and yet I still tried to follow his lips when he pulled back. “Trying not to want you is like trying not to breathe.”

“Joel.” I bit my lip, nearly biting his thumb, when he released my throat only to glide his hand down my torso, pressing his palm between my breasts, the simple touch shooting heat through every part of me. “I want….” I trailed off, my brain short-circuiting as he cupped one of my breasts, rubbing his thumb in lazy circles around my nipple. “Joel.”

“What, sweet girl?” The endearment, whispered in a honeyed drawl, would have sent me to my knees if Joel wasn’t pinning me against the wall, my hands trapped between our bodies, the evidence of his arousal pressed firmly against my own core. “Tell me what you want.” He continued tracing around my nipple in those slow, lazy circles, as if we had all the time in this world and the next, turning his head and nipping at my jaw, humming low in his throat when I trembled. “Maybe I should tell you what I want.”

I started to open my mouth and he bit my jaw again, harder this time, and if I’d possessed a single functioning brain cell I might have been concerned about him leaving marks but as it was all I did was close my mouth.

“You had your chance to talk and you didn’t take it.” He slid his tongue over the minute ache before applying his teeth to the spot where my jaw curved into my neck, delicate little nips that had my eyes threatening to roll back in my head. “So now it’s my turn and you’re going to be quiet and listen. Nod if you understand.” He dragged his teeth down my neck, pressing a kiss to my collarbone when I nodded. “Good girl.”

I didn’t even realize I’d whimpered until he bit me, his groan muffled against my shirt. Straightening, he brushed sweaty strands of hair back from my forehead, his hand trembling slightly. “No talking. No sounds.” Untangling his limbs from mine, he stroked his hands over my face and neck, fingers fiddling with the top button of my shirt. “If you can’t be good, I’ll have to gag you.” Even in the dark, it was impossible to miss the way his features sharpened when I dragged in a sharp breath. “Maybe I should just gag you anyway. Keep you from getting in trouble.”

He thumbed open the first button, scribbling a fingernail over the exposed flesh. “I’m going to ask you a question and you’re going to use your words to answer me.” His fingers lingered over the second button for a moment before slipping it open, his gaze locked with mine. “Do you have experience with this?”

“S-some. No. Not really.” It didn’t seem like the right time to tell him that the only men I’d been with were my husband and Tommy and while Tommy was more adventurous than Daniel had been the sex we had wouldn’t really lift any eyebrows. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” He cupped my cheek as he leaned in, brushing his lips over mine, kissing me breathless again while he continued to work open the buttons of my shirt. Drawing back, he murmured, “If you feel uncomfortable, if you don’t like something, tap my shoulder twice.” When he loosened the final button, he slid his hand under the worn flannel, kissing me again when I couldn’t quite hold back a moan, swallowing the sound. He straightened, dropping his hand from my face and reaching into his pocket, pulling out a faded, threadbare bandana, hesitating for a moment, waiting until I nodded before tying it in place, tucking the whisper-soft fabric in my mouth. “It’s for your own good.”

He began kissing his way down the line of flesh exposed by my gaping shirt, lingering at the front clasp of my bra for a moment before dragging his teeth down my torso. My hands fell away as he knelt in front of me and he shook his head, nipping at my hipbone. “Hands on me, darling.” He waited until I rested my hands on his shoulders before undoing the button and zipper of my jeans, tugging the denim over my hips and past my knees, pulling my shoes off with my pants. His breath caught in his throat for a moment before he exhaled, the long, steady stream raising goosebumps on my skin. “Sweet girl.”

And then he gripped one hip, anchoring me in place, before using his other hand to stroke a single finger over the folds of my cunt.

Thank God he’d made the decision to gag me because there was no way I would have been able to hold back the whine which caught in my throat.

“I know.” He settled more firmly on his knees, leaning in and kissing the warm skin directly above my clit, drawing in a deep breath. “I know, sweet girl. I’m gonna take care of you.”

He continued to stroke me with that single finger, never increasing his pace or pressure, praising me in faint murmurs.

“Such a good girl, getting so wet for me.”

“You’re so pretty, baby. I could stare at your cunt all day.”

“I’m so proud of you, standing there all quiet and pretty while I play with you.”

On and on, each exaltation bleeding into the next while he broke me apart with a single finger. Finally, when I was on the verge of crying, certain tears would start streaming down my face at any moment, he slid his finger between my dripping wet folds and sank the entire digit deep in my cunt with a single stroke.

My release was instantaneous, almost violent in its intensity, my entire lower body seeming to seize before the pleasure pulsed through me, weakening my knees and sending the room spinning. Dimly, I was aware Joel was still speaking, his voice soft and soothing. “Shhh, baby, quiet. Told you I was gonna take care of you.” He started to withdraw his finger, chuckling when I dug my nails into his shoulders, clenching my inner muscles as if to hold him in place. “Don’t worry, darling, I’m not finished with you yet.” He began moving his finger at the same unhurried pace as before, resting his forehead against my hip, sliding his tongue over the faint sheen of sweat covering my bare skin. “Give me another one, pretty girl.”

And I did, without hesitation, this orgasm somehow even stronger, more brutal. I was vaguely aware one of my hands was now in his hair, gripping his curls as if they were a lifeline, as if he was the only thing keeping me from drowning. He hummed low in his throat, the rasp of his beard painful in the best way as he pressed light, open-mouthed kisses over my lower abdomen, making his way to where his hand pressed between my thighs. Laving the almost too sensitive skin with his tongue, he murmured, “One more. I want to taste you, sweet girl.”

And then he dipped his head lower, sliding his tongue between my folds, licking down and back up, swirling his tongue around my clit before sucking the bundle of nerves into his mouth.

Now I did cry, tears streaming from underneath my lashes, my head spinning as I struggled to control my breathing. It was as if being forced to be silent, to be still, to just take what he was more than willing to give me made everything that much sharper, that much more devastating and I had the thought that it would be impossible to go back to the way we’d been before, to simply being people who existed in the same place at the same time, and then he began to use his mouth with the same steady, practiced thoroughness he continued to use with his finger and my head emptied of everything except him.

The next orgasm rolled through me like a wave and when my knees started to buckle, he grunted, grabbing one leg and dragging it over his shoulder, using his upper body to pin me against the wall. The change in position allowed him greater access to my cunt, something he used to his full advantage, easing a second finger inside me as he licked me with broad strokes of his tongue, his low groans of satisfaction almost drowned out by my increasing wetness. He turned his hand until he was able to work his thumb over my clit, the thrusting of his fingers becoming sharper, his licks growing sloppier, as if he was desperate to taste as much of me as possible. When I felt myself beginning to climb the next peak, I dug my nails into his shoulder, practically panting around the gag, not sure if I was simply trying to ground myself for the coming fall or if I would have to actually tap out.

Joel immediately drew back, looking up at me, the entire lower half of his face covered in wetness. Moving slowly, he stood, dragging himself up my torso, adjusting my leg until it was hooked over his hip. His other hand went still, his fingers locked deep in my cunt, his thumb barely grazing my clit. It took a few tugs but he untied the bandana, using the edges to wipe the tears from my cheeks. “Shh, sweet girl, take a deep breath for me.” When I tried and failed, only able to pull in the shallowest of breaths and then immediately sob it out, he wrapped his fingers around my throat and squeezed softly. “Deep breath in and hold it. I’ll tell you when you can exhale.”

“I need—.” I broke off when he tightened his grip, leaning down and nipping at my lower lip, the pain doing little to clear my head. I managed to draw a shaky breath, holding it until he ordered me to exhale, my entire body tense and shuddering at being held on the edge of release for so long. “Joel, please.” I ducked my chin, capturing his mouth with mine, the kiss clumsy, sloppy, all teeth and tongues and wild desperation. Pulling back, I pressed my forehead to his, almost ashamed at how much I wanted, needed, him. “Please.”

“Darling.” He eased his fingers free with a sucking, wet sound which would have embarrassed me, should have embarrassed me, but instead only made me hungrier for him. He began working at his belt buckle and I immediately started to help him, our hands fumbling and tangling together in our eagerness. It would have been comical if I wasn’t so desperate, if I couldn’t feel the same reckless need pumping out of him in waves. When he finally managed to undo his belt and pop the button of his jeans, I grabbed the belt loops and yanked the denim down over his hips, biting back a moan when the head of his now freed cock brushed my skin. He grabbed my hands when I reached for him, wrapping his fingers around my wrists and squeezing hard. “No.”

“But—.”

“No.” He lifted my hands higher, looping them around his neck before sliding his own hands down my torso, cupping my ass, curling his fingers into my skin. “Up.” Before I could fully process the demand, he was lifting me and I gasped, wrapping my legs around his waist instinctively. “Good girl.” He pressed me more firmly against the wall before slipping a hand between our bodies, grasping his cock and stroking the head over my dripping folds, his precum only adding to the slippery wetness. Sliding the head upward, he nudged at my clit, once, twice, humming low in his throat when I sobbed out a whimper. “I know, darling, I know.” He dragged his cock down, letting the head simply sit at the entrance to my body for a moment before easing the entire length of his cock inside me with one long, steady stroke, not stopping until his hips were tight against mine. Pressing his forehead to mine, he took my mouth in a soft, featherlight kiss. “How do you feel?”

I shook my head as much as I was able to, teeth firmly clenched together, each breath a series of shuddering inhales and exhales. In response, Joel nipped at my jaw and we both groaned when my cunt fluttered around his cock. His voice was raspy when he said, “Use your words.”

“Full.” It was the first one which came to mind and it was more than apt. It wasn’t the length of his cock, although he didn’t lack in that area, so much as the girth, which was more than substantial. “Really… full.”

“Does it hurt?” He kissed the tip of my nose and then one cheekbone and then my temple. “Hmm?”

“No.” If anything, I felt a dull sort of ache, not unpleasant, carrying with it the promise of something else, something bigger, and my blood began to quicken with anticipation. “Joel.”

“Sweet girl.” He kissed my forehead. “Tell me what you want.”

“Would you….” I faltered for a moment, pressing my face to the curve of his neck as I was hit by a sudden wave of shyness, made that much more ridiculous by the fact his cock was still firmly planted inside me. My next words were muffled against his skin. “Talk to me? Like before?”

His groan reverberated against my lips and he brushed another kiss over my temple. “Does my girl need to hear what a good job she’s doing taking my cock?” He chuckled when I clutched him tighter, fingertips sliding into the sweaty curls at the nape of his neck. “Because you are.” He flexed his hips, not a thrust so much as a roll, and I choked on a whimper as he seemed to slide just a fraction deeper. “Like you were made for me. So tight, so wet.” His breathing hitched when I tightened my cunt, squeezing down on his cock. “Stay here forever if I could.”

“Let you.” I swirled my tongue over the spot where his pulse beat rapidly, like some caged, wild thing, fighting the urge to sink my teeth in, to mark him for myself. I moaned when he shifted his hand, strumming his thumb over my clit in time with the roll of his hips. “Joel.”

“Cum on my cock, sweet girl.” It was his turn to moan when I did just that, cunt fluttering, wetness soaking his cock, dripping down my thighs. “Fuck, yes, just like that. Such a good girl for me, doing exactly as I ask.” He increased the strokes and pressure of his thumb, the sensation almost too much and yet still not enough. “Look so pretty coming undone for me.” He shifted his leg, bracing his knee against the wall behind me, using the leverage to lengthen his strokes, putting more force behind each one. “Give me another, sweetheart, squeeze me tight with that beautiful cunt.”

Now I did bite him, all caution thrown to the wind, digging the nails of one hand into his scalp, the other into his shoulder, tears creeping from under my lashes as I was helpless to do anything but what he told me. My blood pounded in my veins, every inch of skin almost unbearably sensitive, and even though I was still struggling to draw a single deep breath my body was already making the climb back up the mountain, more than ready to fling itself off the edge and onto the sharp, jagged cliffs of release below. When he rolled his thumb over my clit, scraping the sensitive bundle of nerves with his nail, I let out a high-pitched whine as I fell off the cliff and into darkness, my body seeming to roll from one orgasm to another until it was impossible to tell where one ended and the next began.

He let out a long, low moan, the pace of his hips faltering for a moment before speeding up, bottoming out with every thrust, the head of his cock bumping my cervix each time, the combination of pleasure and pain keeping the orgasms flowing. Dropping his chin to my shoulder, his breath coming in shuddery exhales, he rasped out, “Mine. Keep… you.”

“Yes.” Using my grip on his hair, I turned his face to mine, our lips meeting with unabashed violence and need. “Mine.”

He poured his sigh into my mouth in much the same way he poured his release into my cunt, violence melting away into something softer, deeper, richer, until our muscles went loose and he collapsed against me, the only thing keeping me upright his weight pinning me to the wall. After a few minutes, he roused himself, shifting his hands to once again cradle my ass. “I’m gonna let you down now, okay?”

I nodded and as soon as my feet met the floor I slid down the wall, plopping down unceremoniously on the concrete. In the dark above me, Joel planted one hand on the wall and chuckled. “Helluva compliment, darling.” There was a faint rustle as he hitched his jeans up and the clink of his belt as he buckled it before he sat on the floor in front of me. “I take it you’re gonna need some help putting yourself back together.”

I hummed in agreement, my eyes closed, head tilted back. He chuckled again and a moment later wrapped his hand around one of my calves. “Like I said, helluva compliment. Probably easier for both of us if I just stretch you out here.”

“Sure.” I’d never been high, never been more than moderately tipsy, but if either experience was anything like what I felt then, light and floaty, not a worry or a thought flitting through my mind, I could understand the allure of drugs and alcohol. “Whatever you say.”

“Got yourself a nice little endorphin buzz going.” Much the way a child would a doll, he redressed me, making quick work of the task, even if his hands lingered for a few seconds when he pulled my jeans up. When he was finished, he stretched out next to me on his side, reaching over and stroking my cheek with one finger. “Tell me something.”

“Hmm.” I managed a lazy smile. “Water is wet.”

He snorted and I felt my smile spread. “Funny.” He continued to stroke my cheek and when I turned my head to face him, he cradled my cheek in his palm. “Tell me something from before. Something true. Something nobody else knows.”

I reached over, resting my own palm on his cheek, running my thumb over the stubble which was still damp from earlier. “Did you mean it? Before?”

Mine. Keep… you.

“Yes.” He tugged me closer, until the tips of our noses were barely touching. “Damn the consequences.” His lips ghosted over mine and I trembled. “Yes. Mine.”

“Mine.” I took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. “Thirty-eight.” I waited a beat and when he stayed silent, I said, “My age. I’m thirty-eight.”

“Baby.” Another low chuckle. “I’m practically robbing the cradle.” He slid his fingers into my hair and then paused. “So you were twenty-three when the outbreak happened.”

“Yeah.”

“And you were in your fourth year of med school.”

“Yeah?” When he didn’t say anything, I tucked my tongue in my cheek. “Daniel was smarter than me—and also was never pregnant or post-partum—but I wasn’t a slouch when it came to academics, either.”

“No, you definitely weren’t.” He began to comb his fingers through my hair, twirling strands absently. “I was a contractor.”

“Makes sense.”

“Hmm?”

“Good with your hands.”

It was almost two more hours before Tess and Tommy found us, mainly due to the flashlight I’d left in the middle of the aisle. Through some stroke of luck, the only infected in the entire building had been the single Clicker which had sent us into hiding and which the other two had taken out with little effort. By the time we left the storage room, we were both put back together, physically and mentally. The remainder of the run was smooth, uneventful, even the reentrance to the QZ going off without the slightest hiccup.

But I’d known, we’d both known, one time would never be enough. And so we traded a storage room for closets, for niches in deserted alleys, for rooftops and stairwells and bar bathrooms and anywhere else we could steal a moment. And then we went back to real life, as if those moments never existed. Because I was still with Tommy and he was still with Tess.

As I said, we saved each other. But we damned each other, too.