#Joel and Sarah Miller

[mylostloversbookmarks]

Happy Anniversary Baby

Characters - Joel Miller x Reader, Sarah Miller

Pairing - Joel x You

Summary - You and Joel have been together for a year! You surprise him and Sarah with breakfast and plan what to do for the day!

Word Count - 2.3K

Warnings/Tags - 18+ only Minors dni. Typical canon language, Fluff, I mean alllll the fluffy good feelings, Joel being a sweetheart!

A/N - No Outbreak! This is my first try at writing something happy and fluffy!

Feedback is always appreciated!!

I am really happy with this one and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it!

Divider credit to @saradika

The sun had just begun to rise, casting a soft golden glow across the room. As the first rays of light filter through the window, the warmth of the sun’s rays dance across the walls and illuminate the bedroom with soft, pretty patterns as they move through the branches of the trees outside. The room is filled with the sound of birds singing, their cheerful melodies wafting through the slightly open window.

You begin to stir, becoming aware of the warm weight of Joel’s arm draped across your waist. You could feel the heat of his skin through the thin fabric of his t-shirt you stole to sleep in one of the first nights you stayed with him. His fingers curled loosely around your hip. He is still snoring lightly, and the sound of a comforting rumble fills your ears.

As you turned to face him, you could see the lines on his face softened by sleep. The sunlight casts a warm glow across his face, making him look almost angelic in the morning light. You watch him for a moment, feeling a sense of contentment wash through you.

You love waking up next to Joel, feeling the safety and security of his presence; his arm around your waist is like a shield, protecting you from the world outside. Even in his sleep, he is a reassuring presence, a reminder that you are not alone and that you never will be again.

You shift slightly, Joel tightens his grip on your waist unconsciously, and he murmurs something in his sleep that you can’t quite make out. The sound was so soft and intimate that it made your heart stutter. Feeling a flush of warmth spread across your cheeks, you can’t help but stare at him, willing your mind to capture this memory forever.

You close your eyes and breathe in the scent of his skin; he smells faintly of body wash, and it’s intoxicating. You press a sweet kiss to his forehead and glance at the clock on the nightstand. The time was 7:54 a.m. You're careful not to wake him. Slipping out of bed as gently as you can manage with his arm still wrapped around you like a vine

The warm summer air in the room greets you as you leave the comfort of his bed. Throwing your robe around your body and tying it in a loose bow, you tip-toe across the room and wiggle your feet into your slippers. As you pad down the hallway to the stairs, you find yourself grinning, excited to get started on the surprise breakfast.

Over the last year, you found yourself staying with Joel and Sarah more often than not; you formed something akin to a routine. Weekday mornings were rushed with cups of coffee for you and Joel and a bowl of cereal and OJ for Sarah, and on the weekends, the three of you usually slept through breakfast, just about making it in time for brunch.

Today is different; today is special. You have been with Joel for an entire year, and as cliché as it sounds, it has been the happiest and most fulfilling year of your life so far. You wanted to make a real effort to show both Joel and Sarah how much you love and appreciate them, and a home-cooked breakfast was the perfect way to start.

You pop on a pot of fresh coffee and start to set the table, getting that out of the way first, worrying that the smell of bacon cooking will draw the father and daughter downstairs too soon. Placing a pitcher of fresh orange juice in the middle of the table, you set about getting the ingredients you need out of their various homes in the kitchen.

You decided yesterday that you would go all out for this breakfast. You start by preparing the pancake batter, knowing that Joel isn’t a big fan of them but that they are Sarah’s favourite.

You chopped up some fresh strawberries and blueberries for the top of them, squeezing just a sprinkle of lemon juice over the fruit so they wouldn’t lose their vibrant colour. You set the bowls of pancake mix and fruit to the side to get started on the main event.

You had made the mix for the biscuits the night before, when Joel had headed for his shower after coming home from work particularly dusty, giving you time to pop the dough in the fridge before he returned. You open the fridge and gather the rest of the ingredients you need: eggs, bacon, and sausage. You set the biscuit dough on the windowsill so the morning sun could warm them before you popped them into the oven.

Making quick work of the bacon and sausage, you set it on the lowest shelf of the oven, which was perfectly raising the biscuits, to keep warm. You pour Sarah’s pancakes into one pan and crack the eggs into another, the picture of a professional multi-tasker.

When the pancakes and eggs were almost finished, you kneeled to check on the rest of the breakfast, and, happy with the progress the biscuits were making, you turned the oven off. Your knees were cracking and creaking as you stood straight.

"When did I get old?" You asked yourself under your breath.

"I would say a few years back at least," a sweet voice mumbles through a yawn behind you.

You turn, place one hand on your hip, and cock an eyebrow to the ceiling. Sarah is standing at the breakfast bar, one elbow leaning on the counter, the other rubbing sleep from her eyes.

"Good morning to you too, young lady," you emphasise with an over-dramatic curtsey; the gesture makes Sarah throw her head back and a loud giggle burst from her lips.

You turn back to the stove as Sarah looks around in surprise, the bout of laughter waking her fully.

"You made pancakes?" She exclaims, her voice rising in pitch with excitement.

"I certainly did! I thought I could treat you and your dad to a homecooked breakfast for a change." You laugh at the gleam in the girls' eyes.

"What're all the giggles about, ladies?" Joel asks, his voice thick and gruff with sleep. You would only be lying to yourself if you said his voice in the mornings didn’t do things for you.

"Oh, you know, just Sarah, laughing at the fact that I'm an old woman." You laugh and smile fondly at her.

"Damn, if you're old, what does that make me?" Joel asks, scratching his head and causing the hairs to stick in every direction. You need to force your eyes off him as Sarah replies with a matter-of-fact

"That would make you a fossil, Dad," she deadpanned, and you couldn’t stop the snort before it was out of your mouth. Turning back to the stove for a second time to hide your laughter.

"Oh, is that right, kiddo? I'm still young enough to run laps around you!" He laughs along with the pair of you, mussing his daughter's wild hair affectionately before coming to stand behind you. Wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you flush against him.

"Happy anniversary, baby," he says softly into your ear; it’s almost a coo. It makes your heart flutter and your knees weak.

"Happy anniversary, Joel," you say lovingly, turning in his embrace to wrap your arms around his neck and kiss his perfect lips.

"Ewww, Y/N, are you guys going to be like this all day?" Sarah asks, making gag noises behind you and Joel.

"That’s right, sooorrrry. I forgot old people aren’t allowed to be in loooove." You respond with a sing song, laughing and sticking your tongue out at her.

"No oldies, you can be in love all you like; honestly, I even encourage it, but can you do it somewhere else?" Sarah laughs with you, and you promise to keep the PDA to a minimum.

Joel releases you from his hold and takes in the sight of his kitchen for the first time this morning. The smell of fresh coffee and bacon filled the air, making his mouth water.

"Y/N, you didn’t have to go to all this trouble, baby," he says as he brushes his thumb across your cheekbone.

"It’s no trouble at all; I wanted to treat you both!" You lean lazily into his touch, your grin feeling like it would split your face straight down the middle.

"Well, it smells amazing; thank you, Darlin." He smiles back, the dimple that you love so much standing out on his right cheek. You lean onto your tiptoes and place a quick kiss on it, then usher them both to take their places at the table.

As you sit at the breakfast table with Joel and Sarah, you allow your mind to drift back over the last year of your life. You think about the day you met Joel and how nervous you had been as you waited for him to arrive at the coffee shop.

You remembered how he had walked in, his eyes locking onto yours with a warm smile, and how the nerves had melted away in an instant. You’d spent hours talking and laughing, and you felt a sense of ease and comfort you had never experienced before. You didn’t have to be anyone else but yourself, and you didn’t have to hide around him.

As you thought about the months that followed, you were overwhelmed by the feelings of awe and gratitude that washed over you. You couldn’t believe how lucky you were to have found him and his beautiful daughter. They had become your family and your home.

Tears prickle at the corners of your eyes as you think about how you never thought you would know happiness again. Everyone in the past had always made you pretend or had moulded you into someone they wanted you to be, but Joel and Sarah had changed everything. They have and will continue to show you that it is possible to find love and joy again, even in the darkest times.

After you had all eaten what felt like your body weight in pancakes, bacon, eggs, and biscuits, the three of you sat around the table, sipping coffee and orange juice, and discussing the plan for the day. Sarah gave an enormous stretch and sat forward in her chair. Elbows propped on the table, she looks at Joel, then at you, and back again, a sly smile spreading across her face.

"I think I want to spend the day with you guys," she said. "But I'm going to stay at Uncle Tommy’s tonight."

Joel and you exchange a knowing look, and you can’t help but blush at the look he is giving you. Sarah is clearly trying to be tactful by giving you and Joel some privacy on your first anniversary, which, while you were grateful for it, you never wanted her to feel like she had to leave her own home.

"Hey birdie, you don’t have to; we can have a movie night if you like." You smile at her, brushing a stray hair out of her face. Joel's head whipped from his daughter's face to yours so quickly that he looked like a cartoon. You couldn’t help the snort that escaped you.

"The hell she doesn’t; you’ll have a great time with Uncle Tommy, won’t you, baby girl?" The look in his eyes was one of pleading with his daughter—the biggest puppy dog eyes you had ever seen him manage. You had to cover your mouth to stifle another laugh.

"Really smooth there, Romeo," she laughs at her father, "but I could honestly think of nothing worse than the chance of overhearing you pensioners tonight, plus I already made plans to have a movie night with Uncle Tommy," she said, leaving no room for argument.

"Well, ignoring the old jab, I think that is very thoughtful of you, little bird," you say sincerely, and the smile that breaks across Sarah’s face is blinding. Obviously, she is very pleased with herself. Joel stands to start clearing the table.

"Thanks, baby girl," he murmurs softly and places a kiss on the crown of her head.

"So, what do my girls want to do today?" He asked over his shoulder as he scrubbed the few remaining dishes in the sink.

"It’s meant to be a beautiful day; we could go to the beach. Or maybe a hike?" You suggest, raising an eyebrow in question to Sarah, who is very deep in thought, weighing each option carefully.

"Let’s hit the trailhead, and if it gets too hot, we can swim in the river. The beach is probably going to be busy today if the weather is nice." She stated, ever so practical this little girl.  

"Sounds like a plan," Joel said as he finished drying the last of the dishes. "Wanna go and pack up your stuff? We roll out in 20 minutes! 20 minutes you hear? I want to get there and get set up before the crowds roll in!" Joel’s Dad mode was well and truly activated at the thought of planning an impromptu hike in 95-degree heat.

"You know we are going for the day, right? Like not a fortnight trip, Joel?" You question him, giggling at his serious expression, the crease between his brows as prominent as ever. You lean forward and place a kiss there, the crease immediately relaxing under your lips.

"20 minutes! The same goes for you, miss!" He says sternly as he winks at you and swats your behind as you dance away from him still laughing. Sending a wink over your shoulder at him on your way out the door.

Oh, how he loves to watch your hips sway... 

[be-an-echo]

✨ girl dad Joel ✨

made for @kokureno

[macbeth-s]

#two types of girl dads

[pedrohub]

HBO’S THE LAST OF US #1.01 ‘When You’re Lost in the Darkness’

[avasillva]

But you get it, though. You might not be her father, but you were someone’s. See, I could tell.

THE LAST OF US S01E01: When You're Lost in the Darkness S01E05: Endure and Survive

[userparamore]

JOEL + HIS DAUGHTERS

(insp.)

[believeripley]

Just Tommy Miller enjoying watching his nieces give his brother shit.

[nicostiel]

THE LAST OF US

tv show / video game

[bluebeary-jay]

Damage done

Pre/No-outbreak!Joel Miller x f!Reader

Summary: during a fight with Joel, he unknowingly sends you into a panic attack caused by your previous experiences. he deeply regrets it. (based on this wonderful ask!)

Tags: heavy ANGST, hurt/comfort, angst with happy ending (there's also fluff), established relationship, petnames, soft!Joel (he's trying his best fr 🥺). Several years pre outbreak. please read the warnings carefully

Warnings: fighting, talk and mention about previous abusive relationship, panic attack, emotional distress, self-destructive thoughts

Word count: 4K

A/N: i wrote it partially based on experiences with my own panic attacks, but i know everyone's is different. if there's a warning i missed, please let me know. also i want this man to take care of me so much 😢 anyway, stay safe, darlings, and as always: happy reading and i hope you'll enjoy!! 💕 comments and feedback are greatly appreciated 😌

It had been a rough couple of weeks. Things at your work were rocky to say the least, what with your boss firing several people every week and cutting your salary. Joel didn’t have it much better – from what you understood, two clients suddenly canceled their order, and Tommy got himself thrown into jail, again, breaking his longest record to date. On top of that, little Sarah went down with some kind of flu that was raging in schools recently, and for the last two weeks one of you had to be home with her almost all the time.

So it was probably no wonder that the tension and stress became too much at one point, and you both snapped.

It was about the play at Sarah’s school.

“You promised her, Joel! She was talking about it for the entire week.”

“It’s not my fault we have to go out of town on this date,” he answered through clenched teeth, pinching the bridge of his nose and not looking up at you. “I tried to reschedule, but the commissioning party refused. I can’t help it, for fuck’s sake.”

You were glad Sarah wasn’t home right now to listen to your fight. You dropped her off earlier at her friend’s house because she wanted to practice lines for the play they were doing next week. The play that Joel was apparently planning to miss.

You adored Joel – god, you loved him with all that you had – but he could be so stubborn sometimes, it was driving you up the fricking wall.

“It’s your kid, Joel–”

“Yeah, it’s my kid!” he raised his voice, only now lifting his head. His stare was cold and hard, so unlike how he usually looked at you. “Not yours.”

“Are you kidding me?!” you shouted, hurt by his words and the tone he used. “I’ve been taking care of her, loving her– She is like a daughter to me!”

“But still not yours,” he repeated harshly. That was a low blow, especially when he told you so many times that you might not be Sarah’s biological mother, but it’s obvious you love her like she’s your own blood.

“You’re only saying that ‘cause you know I’m right,” you snarled angrily, and Joel huffed a humorless laugh.

“Of course. You always know better, dont’cha?” He stood up, towering over you, but you didn’t back down. If anything, it only made you more mad, as if he was doing this to intimidate you. “I’m sorry I’m such a terrible father in your eyes, but I have to think about earning money. Especially since it’s only a matter of time ‘till that asshole boss of yours will fire you, too.”

“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?! You really think so lowly of me to say it won’t be long until I get fired?”

“I don’t– Christ, you’re puttin’ words in my mouth again.”

“Again. Of course.” You spat out and took your sweatshirt from the couch, done with him and this conversation. “I’m going to my home,” you told him dryly. Joel’s nostrils flared and he took a step forward.

“No, you’re not.”

“Fuckin’ watch me,” you muttered under your breath, but loud enough for him to hear.

“We are not finished!!” Joel screamed, his booming voice echoing throughout the house.

It felt like a slap. In one second you froze, all your muscles seized up and a feeling of coldness gripped your heart and throat, sending panic flooding your veins. The sweatshirt you were holding slipped out from your stiff fingers.

Joel has never raised his voice at you like that. Never with such anger and fury. There was a bite to his tone that you couldn’t explain, but which you knew very well – the telltale sign that you went too far, and the other person’s patience was at an end, that now you were going to pay for it.

Your previous boyfriend taught you what it means. It meant bruises and split lips, and screaming when you started crying…

Joel noticed the shift in your behavior right away, and his anger immediately ebbed, replaced by confusion and concern.

“Darlin’?” he murmured the pet name, though it rolled off his tongue heavily and with difficulty.

He was still furious at you and your refusal to understand what he was going through, but it all died down when he saw how wide, how empty your eyes were. Your knees buckled, and you looked like you could fall down at any moment.

Joel didn’t have any idea what was happening with you – but knew that whatever it was, it was his fault.

You, in the meantime, felt like you couldn’t breathe. The man in front of you – you weren’t even sure anymore who that was – took a step forward with his hand lifted, and you quickly backed away, stumbling in the process.

“No! N-no, no, please, I’m sorry–” you started blabbering and sobbing, wrapping one arm around your middle to protect all the main internal organs. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to–”

“No, you didn’t…”

“Please… I’m sorry, I swear,” you cried, trembling at this point, but not daring to escape the room. “I’ll be better, just don’t… Please, don’t…”

Joel’s heart broke when he saw you bursting into tears and trying to make yourself as small as possible. All his anger disappeared in a cloud of smoke, replaced by the overpowering need to comfort the girl he loved.

But you seemed so scared when he wanted to come closer… And he didn’t know how to proceed.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” he repeated in an even softer tone, his eyebrows scrunching in worry. “Sweetheart… M’not gonna hurt you.”

He took another slow step forward, but that seemed to already be too much, because the trembling intensified and you practically slumped against the wall, one arm around your stomach, and the other squeezing your throat tightly. Joel feared to know the reason why you would do that to yourself.

“Stop, plea– I can’t– I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

“No, it’s okay, my baby, it’s alright…”

He fell down to his knees next to you and reached to take you in his arms, but you started shaking your head violently, backing away and squirming out of his reach.

“No, no, please, I’m sorry! Don’t– don’t touch me!!”

A bile rose up in his throat, and he retreated his hands, holding them low in front of him to show he’s not going to do anything.

“It’s alright, babygirl,” he muttered chokingly, feeling completely helpless and lost about what to do. “You… you’re safe.”

You were crying uncontrollably now, though it seemed like you tried to stifle the never-ending sobs and tears flowing out of your eyes, in result making your entire body shake. You flinched – actually flinched – when Joel opened his mouth, and your fingers around your throat tightened their grip.

“No,” Joel said decisively, breaking your wish and grabbing your wrists, moving them away from your neck where red crescents started to form. “Baby, please, don’t.”

“Let go!!” It was hard to distinguish the words from between your cries, but the message your body language was conveying was clear as day. “No, don’t… me…” You sobbed again, quickly weakening despite your efforts. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

“Come ‘ere,” Joel whispered in a voice full of pain, carefully shifting closer and wrapping his arms around you, though being careful not to make you feel too crowded or trapped. “Shhh… it’s Joel, darlin’, m’here.”

Surprisingly, you let him hold you – maybe it was just because you didn’t have strength to resist and fight back anymore, Joel thought, but maybe you recognized him. Maybe it was both. But the tears didn’t stop. No matter how gently he stroked your back or whispered reassuring words, you couldn’t seem to stop crying.

Several times in the next couple of minutes you tried to grasp your neck or arm again, but every time he delicately, though firmly, moved them away. You still babbled half-intelligible apologies and pleas, and each time your voice broke or hitched on another fearful word, Joel’s heart was shattering into a million pieces all over again.

“I’m sorry…” you sobbed again, trembling in his arms. “I’m sorry, don’t hurt me, p-please–...”

“My darlin’...” Joel held you closer and more securely in his arms, rocking you back and forth. “Sweetheart, my sweet, sweet girl… I’m never gonna hurt you, I swear.” He planted soft, delicate kisses on your hair. Even though he wanted to hug you tightly, to show you how much he loves and cares about you, he restrained himself and tried to keep his touch as gentle as possible. “I swear, my babygirl, m’sorry, so sorry for screamin’... Didn’t mean to.”

You were still crying, albeit weaker now, in his arms, clinging to him like your life depended on it. Joel could feel your nails digging themselves into the skin of his back, but it was the furthest thing on his mind – hell, he could start bleeding and still it wouldn’t be as important as comforting you at this moment. Better him than you.

“I love you s’much, my babygirl, my life,” Joel continued murmuring into the top of your head, feeling close to crying himself when your tears seemingly couldn’t stop flowing. “M’so sorry. I won’t ever hurt you like that again, I swear…”

His words, though full of love and compassion, rolled off you like water off a duck’s back, and you still couldn’t locate yourself, couldn’t tether your being to this world and make sense of the difference between what you knew should happen, and what was actually happening.

Your whole body was hurting, yes, but it wasn’t the pain of being repeatedly hit. You could barely hear your own cries, but it wasn’t because of vicious and cruel words being thrown at you. You knew it was Joel you were clinging to, and he never hurt you in this way, but… but you also were never so angry at each other. You never fought like this – and experience taught you that crossing that invisible line will carry certain consequences.

You weren’t angry now. You were scared. And confused.

“Joel,” you whimpered between gasps, struggling to breathe through your rapid sobs. “I’m sorry. Please, don’t– don’t go.”

“M’not leavin’ ya, babygirl.” He spoke into your hair, closing his eyes. “M’not goin’ anywhere.”

You were calming down a little now, the sobs wrecking your body and breaking Joel’s heart dying down, though you were still shivering. Joel continued to hold and soothe you the best he could.

And wondered who must’ve hurt his darling so much that you’d react so badly.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered after a while, sniffling into Joel’s chest, but trying not to get snots on his shirt. Joel sighed sadly, but his hold on you just tightened.

“No, babygirl, my darlin’...” He pressed his lips to your hairline, stroking your back with his other hand. “You have nothin’ to be sorry for, I swear. It’s okay.”

“It’s not,” you whimpered pitifully, unable to stop another wave of tears from falling. “I’m sorry I reacted like that. I know… Joel, I know you won’t hurt me. Baby, please.” You took his head in your hands, searching his eyes with fear painted across your face. “I’m so sorry, wasn’t thinking and…”

“Hey. Love, it’s fine.” He placed his own hands on your cheeks, stroking lightly your damp skin with his thumbs. “Don’t say that. M’not angry at you and would never be because of that. It’s… it’s okay.” He petted your hair, trying to relax for your sake, but his chest remained tight. “It’s gonna be okay, I promise.”

You nodded weakly, though you weren’t sure if you believed him. Joel swallowed heavily and nodded after a while, too.

“Okay. I… I’ll run you a bath,” he whispered, but you held his hand tighter and shook your head with tears gathering in your eyes again.

“No, no! Just s-stay with me, please.”

Joel took your face in his hands, but you closed your eyes, feeling too vulnerable and exhausted to even try to maintain eye contact.

“I’m here, baby. C’mon, just hold onto me.”

He waited until your arms were around his neck before slowly standing up and tucking you securely in his arms. You hid your wet face in the crook of Joel’s neck, breathing in his soothing smell and trying to calm your breathing, which you still found difficult.

Neither of you said anything when he took you to the bathroom, sat down on the toilet seat and started to fill the bathtub with water and soothing oils. You just watched him, wiping your nose every once in a while.

Still remaining silent, Joel extended his hand and helped you stand up. Then, almost with fearful hesitation, he touched the hem of your shirt, sending you a questioning look. You just nodded, not having strength to undress yourself, and lifted your arms, letting him take your clothes off.

You didn’t let go of his hand even after he guided you to sit in the tub. You couldn’t bear being alone with your thoughts right now, and Joel, being as wonderful of a man as he was, stayed by your side as the warmth from the water seeped through your tired bones.

Another several minutes passed before he finally asked the question that was gnawing at him since the very beginning. You must’ve subconsciously known it was coming, cause it didn’t even surprise you.

“Who was it?” he asked quietly. His hand was still caressing your palm with the gentlest of touches, but his eyes were like ice, full of hidden rage and hatred. “Who did this to you, darlin’?”

You wrapped your arms around yourself, not sure whether to answer or not. Ever since you got to know him, Joel has been nothing but kind and understanding, never pressuring you into doing or saying something you didn’t want… but you had a feeling he wasn’t going to let the matter drop.

And honestly, you were afraid to tell him. To admit how your previous relationship looked and what exactly happened to make you act so strongly about something so small. Because… what if he’ll realize how broken you are, how much effort it’d take to put up with you, and he’ll leave? Even if he was willing to take care of you, it was really unlikely that he’d stay – even if he says that now.

You were doing good until today. You managed to hide the issues you had with yourself and all the pain you carried inside, never letting Joel know that something was wrong with you. But now he… he will…

You didn’t want him to leave. He made your life so much better and you loved him to pieces with all your heart, as weak and broken as it was.

You couldn’t lose him.

“Oh, baby…” Joel’s hands cupped your cheeks so carefully and lovingly that you almost started weeping again. “M’not goin’ anywhere. I love ya so much. You’re never gonna lose me.”

You didn’t realize you said those words out loud, but even so, somehow his affirmations didn’t make you feel any better. You wanted them to comfort you, but if anything, they just made you feel sick.

“I’m afraid you’re gonna leave someday,” you whispered hoarsely, keeping your eyes on the slowly disappearing bubbles. “I know I’m being selfish, but I don’t want you to. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Joel. I…” Tears spilled from your eyes again and you shook your head. “I know I’m too much. And… and broken. And I know it sounds like I wanna guilt-trip you, but I’m not, I’m just–” You choked on a sob, and wrapped your arms tighter around yourself, hugging your knees to your chest. “I don’t– don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Sweetheart, look at me, please.” Joel’s hands were rough to the touch, but so incredibly gentle when they guided you to meet his eyes, and a big pit formed in your stomach when you saw how they shone. He was on the verge of tears, too. “Don’t say things like that. Nothin’ is wrong with you. Who…” He sighed again. “Who made you believe such things?”

You didn’t answer at first, but Joel kept staring at you, and – finally – you relented.

“My previous boyfriend. The one I didn’t want to talk about. He– Look, I know he was a horrible person.” You let out a short laugh, but without any joy – or emotions altogether – in it. “And I hate him so much, but he… he was right. About some things.”

“He’s not.” Joel didn’t back down, feeling despair growing inside his chest as he saw the girl he adored with his whole heart put herself down like that. “You’re… fuck, you’re perfect, darlin’, and you didn’t deserve to be treated or talked to this way. M’so sorry it happened to you.”

He brushed some of your hair to the back and sighed silently. He seemed so lost and sad, it made you feel even worse.

“What can I do?”

That stopped the train of your thoughts, and you looked up.

“What?”

“What can I do?” he repeated softly. “To prove t’you that I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

Your lips parted, and you were unsure what to say. Joel took your hand in his, delicately tracing patterns on the back of it.

“Babygirl, listen to me. You’re the most precious thing t’me. I don’t care what this asshole told you, but… but none of this is true. And it’s not gonna drive me away from you. Nothin’ is gonna make me leave,” he repeated more firmly, never taking his eyes off you. “Because I love you. More than anythin’ else in the world”

Joel sounded so sincere and desperate, tugging at your heartstrings with his gentle, sad eyes and loving words. The water became cool some time ago, but your insides felt like they were on fire – as if the next breath you were about to take would be your last.

“I’m sorry for everything I said.” You took a shaky breath, trying to keep your voice steady. “I don’t think you’re a bad father. I think you’re the best and most amazing dad Sarah could ever ask for. I didn’t want…” You sniffed and your shoulders started to shake again with silent cries. “I didn’t want to hurt you, I’m so sorry, I didn’t–”

The sob that you tried to stop with all your might suddenly escaped you, and Joel’s forehead scrunched in worry. He pulled you closer, leaning over the edge of the bathtub. Neither of you concerned yourself with water dripping off your skin, only feeling relieved from each other’s closeness.

“I know, babygirl. M’not mad.” Joel left a lingering kiss on your tearstained cheek, and then a second one on your forehead. “I’m sorry, too. For how I acted and for–” he sighed heavily into your shoulder, “for shouting at ya.”

“You couldn’t have known,” you mumbled, but he shook his head.

“That’s no excuse. I shouldn’t ‘ave done it in the first place.” He relaxed in your arms, and somehow it made your muscles less tense, too. “I’ll see what I can do about that job. So that I can see Sarah’s play.”

You nodded and let your eyelids drop, giving in to the feeling of calm and security that always came with being with Joel.

“Can I sleep here tonight?” you asked quietly. You still were a little afraid that he’s going to turn you down after what happened, but you really didn’t want to stay alone. “With you?”

“‘Course you can. D’ya want to go now?”

You nodded again. Not bathing seemed like a big waste of water, but you didn’t feel strong enough to actually wash your body. And Joel didn’t pressure you – he just bent over and wrapped his strong arms around you, practically pulling you out of the tub by himself.

His clothes were completely soaked when he put you down and reached for the fluffiest towel you had, wrapping it around you like a little cocoon. He got rid of his wet shirt, kissed your head gently and, without a word, scooped you up into his arms again.

“I can stand,” you offered when he started walking towards the bedroom, forcing you to wrap your hands around his neck for support.

“I want to take care of you.”

“But your back pains…”

“I’m not that old yet, sweetheart,” he answered with a half-smile, slowing down and gazing into your eyes softly. “Let me take care of you.”

You brushed his cheek with your fingertips tenderly, eyes flickering across his face. “But you’re always taking care of everyone, Joel.”

His throat bobbed and he almost immediately looked away. It was clear what he was thinking – that according to himself, he wasn’t doing a good enough job. Because you got hurt. Because he was the one who unintentionally hurt you and sent you into a panic attack.

He was silent when he put you down on the bed with care, turning around to fetch one of his shirts from the closet. During this whole time you didn’t say anything, either. Your mind was still a little closed off from when you tried to separate yourself from the painful memories that started to haunt you, and despite Joel’s efforts, it was still difficult to move past the experience.

But your head snapped up when Joel, after helping you put the shirt on, knelt in front of you, took your hand in his and leaned forward to kiss your knee gently.

“M’sorry,” Joel whispered with pain tinging his deep voice. “I’m sorry for sayin’ all those things about you and Sarah. I know you love her.” He pressed his lips to your knee again, and lifted his head, revealing how misty his own eyes were, which in turn made your heart ache even more. “My sweet girl. I swear I won’t ever hurt you again.”

“You didn’t hurt me,” you answered quietly, but Joel shook his head and took a deep breath.

“What can I do?” he repeated his question from earlier, and this time you knew exactly what you needed him for.

“Can you… can you hold me?”

Without missing a beat, Joel raised from his position and enveloped you in his embrace, making you feel safe and protected like never before. You sighed heavily, breathing in his scent and feeling like just by touching you with such love that only he was capable of, he helped you to lift some invisible load from your shoulders.

Despite the headache from all the crying and your chest still tightening with every shallow breath you took, you felt a little better now. You didn’t feel alone.

You knew you were safe with Joel.

It took some time for you to fall asleep, but even when you did, Joel could not find peace in the silky darkness of the evening.

Before you dozed off, Joel vowed again and again how much you mean to him, how you and Sarah are the best things that ever happened to him, and how he’ll never let anything happen to any of you – and he could clearly see that you believed his every word, and that you weren’t mad at him. You weren’t flinching when he rocked you back and forth, or later when he pressed small kisses to your forehead.

But you still were quiet and your face miserable, and several times Joel tucked you in closer to himself when he felt you shaking and sniffing. There wasn’t anything else he could do but hold you and whisper soothing promises into your hair. Once your eyelids started to drop, he began humming a familiar melody he knew you liked, and you nuzzled your face into his neck, curling up in his embrace.

And you whispered ‘I love you’ before you drifted off to an uneasy sleep in his arms. And before he could even answer, you thanked him for loving you.

When he heard it, he had to keep himself from breaking down with the last bit of his strength.

“You mean everythin’ to me, love. Everythin’,” he murmured after a couple of seconds, not even knowing if you were still awake. The guilt in his chest made it hard to breathe, but he pushed through it, and then he softly kissed your forehead, making a promise to himself.

He will find time to go to Sarah’s play with you. And he’ll make it right.

[kenobiwanx]

Joel and Sarah 🦋

[parkjammys]

confirmed: Pedro is the ultimate girl dad

[pedrohub]

The Last of Us 1x01 || The Last of Us 1x08

[myownwholewildworld]

back to main masterlist | AO3

WHEREVER YOU GO — SERIES MASTERLIST

pairing: outbreak!joel miller x f!reader.

summary: after the events of 26th september 2003, you find yourself under the wing of the miller brothers. it's the older one who catches your attention, but also the one who drives you fucking crazy. you inevitably find yourself gravitating towards him while trying to navigate this postapocalyptic world you're stuck in, with more than one unpleasant surprise...

status: ongoing.

taglist: open.

word count: ~50.5k (so far).

series warnings (contain MAJOR spoilers; will get updated as story progresses): 18+, mdni. smut, fluff, angst. discussions/depictions of sensitive topics (suicide attempt/suicide ideation, attempted rape, murder, death, unplanned pregnancy). please heed the warnings for each chapter.

chapters:

chapter 1: lifeless - 💢🤕 chapter 2: too far gone - 🤭 chapter 3: a sight to see - 💘 chapter 4: headlights - 💢🤕🩸 chapter 5: lighthouse - 💘🤭 chapter 6: timeless - 🤕🩸💘🤭 chapter 7: the paradox - 🤭💘🩸 chapter 8: the edge of the atlas - 🤭🤕🩸 chapter 9: the grim reaper's lackey - 💢🤕💘 chapter 10: the five stages of grief - 💢🤕🩸 chapter 11: no mattter what? - 💢🤕💘 chapter 12 - coming soon chapter 13 - coming soon chapter 14 - coming soon chapter 15 - coming soon epilogue - coming soon

extras:

oneshot: sarah's fifth birthday - 🤭 chapter 10 explained (ask) - beware spoilers!

[mcbride]

THE LAST OF US 1.01 When You’re Lost In The Darkness + tweets

[buckypascal]

She likes the idea of somebody defending her like that...

[pedroacrossthestreet]

sarah fixing joel’s appearance before he walks her down the aisle

🥺