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zerillia · 3 days ago

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Our little secrets, Pt 3

Pairing: Felix x Fem!Reader (Enemies to friends.. To lovers???)

INFO: high school/collage au, Straykids and NMIXX, --Romance, angst, slight smut.

Warnings: Delusional, kinda cringe(they allways are tho), Fear of the dark, not proofread.

The following morning, Y/n was up before the crack of dawn, her thoughts a whirlwind from the previous night's events. The cool, misty air of the early morning seemed to mirror the tumultuous emotions inside her. She slipped out of the cabin, the quietness of the woods wrapping around her like a comforting blanket. The lake, which had been a place of contemplation and solace during the trip, was now a battleground of unspoken confessions and unexplored feelings.

Felix woke to the sound of pans clanging in the kitchen. He groaned, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, and immediately noticed Y/n's absence. His heart sank, His dreams had been filled with images of the moonlit clearing and the almost kiss that had been so cruelly interrupted. He sat up in bed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, only to find a note on his pillow. "Went to the lake with Minho, Hyunjin, and Jiwoo," it read, scribbled in hasty handwriting. His heart sank. He had been hoping to talk to her, to somehow navigate the murky waters of their newfound connection before the trip ended.

He dragged himself out of bed and shuffled to the kitchen, where the smell of sizzling bacon and brewing coffee filled the air. The sight of his friends' carefree laughter and banter only amplified his confusion and longing. He tried to engage in their conversation, but his thoughts kept drifting back to the night before. What had she felt when he was about to kiss her? Did she want more, or had he misread the entire situation? The weight of his doubt grew heavier with every passing minute, like an anchor tied to his chest.

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The day was filled with activities that were usually a source of joy: hiking, swimming, competitive games, relaxing..well trying to, it was difficult when the tension between them remained, palpable as the humidity that clung to their skin. They exchanged polite smiles and awkward nods, but the easy camaraderie of before was lost, replaced by a awkward glances and unspoken words. Each time their eyes met, it was as if a silent reminding for them of the unresolved moment they had shared befor Han had rudely interupted.

Felix found himself getting increasingly frustrated by the forced normalcy of the day. He needed to find out what Y/n truly felt. He watched her from a distance as she chatted with Haewon and Lily.

As the sun began to set, painting the sky with a palette of oranges and pinks, the group gathered around the the lake close to the cabin. flashlights and lanterns lighting the dark water. The gentle hum of the crickets provided a backdrop to their stories and laughter. Felix's eyes kept finding Y/n, her silhouette flickering in the firelight, and he knew he couldn't wait any longer. With a deep breath, he approached her, his heart hammering in his chest like a drum. "Hey," he said, his voice low and tentative. She turned to look at him, her expression unreadable in the flickering shadows. "Can we talk?"

Y/n nodded, her own heart racing. She had been expecting this moment all day, dreading it and yearning for it in equal measure. They walked away from the fire, their footsteps muffled by the soft grass beneath them. The lake's serene surface reflected the fiery sky, the calmness of the water belying the chaos of their hearts.

When they were far enough from the group that their conversation wouldn't be overheard, Felix spoke first. "Look, about last night…" His voice trailed off, unsure of how to articulate the tumult of feelings that had been building up inside him since that fateful moment. Y/n looked at him, her eyes searching for any hint of regret or embarrassment in his gaze, but all she found was earnestness and a hint of vulnerability.

"You don't have to explain," she said softly. "It's okay.." But the words she didn't say hung in the air between them like mist from the lake: she wanted him to explain, she needed to know if the connection she felt was real. His eyes locked onto hers, as if searching for an answer that she hadn't given him yet. "….if I had actually kissed you last night, would you have let me?" The words hung in the air, charged with the electricity of the moment.

Y/n took a step back, She had been preparing for this conversation all day, but now that it was happening, she was at a loss for words. She felt a sudden urge to flee from the intensity of the moment. "I don't know," she stammered, her voice barely a whisper. "I mean, I… I think we should just forget about it."

Felix's face fell, the light in his eyes fading. "But why?" He reached out to touch her arm, but she pulled away, a flurry of emotions playing across her features.

"Because… because we can't," she managed to get out, her voice strained. "We're… we're enemies, remember?" Her eyes searched his, desperation in every line of her face. She needed him to understand without her having to spell it out.

Felix took a deep breath, the reality of their situation crashing down on him. "But what if we don't have to be?" he asked, his voice filled with hope. "What if we could be something… more.."

Y/n's breath hitched in her throat. "Felix, you know it's not that simple," she replied, her voice shaking slightly. "We have years of history, of fighting and competing. Our friends…" She trailed off, not wanting to voice the fear that lingered in her heart: that if they admitted their feelings, it would ruin the delicate balance of their friendship group.

He stepped closer, his eyes never leaving hers. "What if it's worth the risk?" His voice was steady, but the tremor in his hand as he reached out to brush a strand of hair from her face told a different story. "What if this could be the start of something amazing?"

But before Y/n could respond, a sudden gust of wind picked up, carrying with it the sound of laughter from their friends by the late. The spell was broken, and she stepped back, her eyes darting towards the cabin. "Felix, I can't… I just can't," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "There's something you don't know."

Felix felt a chill run down his spine. "What is it?" He asked, his voice tinged with a hint of desperation.

Y/n took a deep breath, the words escaping her in a rush. "I've been seeing my ex again..." She said it so quickly it was as if she had been holding her breath, waiting for the right moment to let it go. The admission hung in the air, as heavy as the mist rising from the lake.

Felix's hand froze mid-air, and he took a step back, his expression a mix of surprise and confusion. "Your ex?..Hyunjin?.." He echoed, his mind racing.

"Yes," she confirmed, her gaze dropping to the ground. "We've been trying to work things out, and I didn't want to tell anyone because it's complicated. I didn't want to get anyone's hopes up if it didn't work out." The admission hung in the air, thick with the weight of her secret.

Felix felt as if he had been punched in the gut. The revelation was unexpected, a twist he had never seen coming. "So, what does that mean for us? does he know..about last night?.." he managed to ask, his voice tight with emotion. Felix felt the wind knocked out of him.

Y/n looked up at him, her eyes brimming with unshed tears. "There is no 'us,' Felix. There never was." She turned away, her shoulders slumping. "And no, he doesn't know. But it doesn't matter."

Felix felt his chest tighten as the implications of her words settled over him like a cold, wet blanket. He had been so caught up in the whirlwind of his own feelings that he hadn't considered the possibility of her having feelings for someone else. The thought of her with Hyunjin was like a knife twisting in his heart.

For a long moment, they stood there, the only sound the distant murmur of their friends' voices. The air between them was charged with an energy that was both painful and undeniable. He wanted to argue, to demand that she explain, but he could see the turmoil in her eyes, the struggle she was facing. Instead, he swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. "Okay," he murmured, his voice thick with disappointment. "I understand."

But he didn't understand. Not really. How could she be with Hyunjin when she had looked at him the way she did last night? When she had leaned into him. He felt like he was losing his grip on reality. With a heavy heart, he turned away from her, the conversation unfinished, and made his way back to the group by the lake side. The rest of the night passed in a blur of forced smiles and awkward silences. Felix couldn't bring himself to join in the games or the laughter, his mind a jumble of thoughts about Y/n and Hyunjin. He watched her from across the fire, her eyes meeting his every so often. It was as if they were speaking a silent language that no one else could hear, a conversation of regret and what-ifs.

As the night grew later and colder, the group began to head off back to the cabin for that the night in groups, one by one everyone left.

After what felt like ages,tossing and turning unable to sleep Y/n looked over at him, the sadness in her gaze unmistakable. "Felix,…are you awake?.." she murmured, her voice barely carrying across the space that had grown vast between them. He lay in his bed, turned away from her, facing the wall. he didn't respond, his mind racing with a million thoughts.

Assuming his silence meant he was asleep, Y/n slipped out of her own bed and tiptoed to the edge of his, her hand brushed through his blond locks that had fallen onto his forehead. Her heart ached for him, knowing she had unintentionally led him on. She didn't mean to hurt him, but she couldn't deny her history with Hyunjin. Their past was a tangled web of love and heartache, one she wasn't ready to cut herself free from yet. The guilt was a heavy burden she wasn't sure she could carry alone. With a quiet sigh, she made her way through the cabin, her bare feet whispering against the cold wooden floor. She found Hyunjin's room, the door slightly ajar, and pushed it open. The moonlight spilled in, casting a soft glow over his sleeping form. She took a moment to appreciate the peacefulness of the room, a stark contrast to the chaos in her mind. She sat down on the edge of his bed, her hand trembling as she gently shook him awake.

Hyunjin blinked groggily, his eyes focusing on her face. "What's wrong?" he mumbled, his voice thick with sleep.

Y/n took a deep breath, gathering her thoughts. "I just needed to talk," she said softly. "I'm sorry for waking you."

Hyunjin sat up, pushing the covers aside and patting the spot beside him. "It's okay, baby, come here." He mumbled, his eyes still half-closed.

Y/n hesitated before sitting down, her heart racing. "Hyunjin, I…I have to tell you something," she began, her voice shaky. She took a deep breath and recounted the events of the night before in her head, the way she felt when she saw Hyunjin, the kiss that almost happened with Felix, and the conversation they had by the lake.

Hyunjin's eyes slowly opened properly, his sleepiness dissipating like mist in the morning sun. "What's going on, Y/n?" He asked, his voice concerned as he wrapped an arm around her. She could feel the warmth of his body, a stark contrast to the coldness that had settled in her heart.

Taking a deep breath, she began to speak, her words flowing out in a torrent like a dam that had burst. "Felix and I… there was a moment the other day..and tonight" she paused, searching for the right words to convey the weight of what had transpired. "A moment where things could have changed, but I stopped it because of us." She bit her lip, looking down at her intertwined fingers.

Hyunjin's arm tightened around her, his gaze sharp and focused now. "What kind of moment?" He prodded gently, his voice holding a hint of concern.

Y/n took a deep breath, the words coming out in a rush. "We almost kissed.." she confessed, her cheeks flushing. "But I stopped it because…because of us."

Hyunjin's expression softened as he took in her words. He knew the history between her and Felix was fraught with tension, but he had never suspected that it could lead to something like this. He pulled her closer, his thumb tracing circles on her arm. "It's okay," he whispered, his voice soothing. "You're here with me now."

But his gentle reassurance only made her feel worse. "I know," she said, her voice tight. "But I can't help feeling guilty. I didn't mean for it to happen. It just did."

Hyunjin leaned back against the headboard, his eyes searching hers in the dim light, his hand sliding along her thigh in a gesture that was both comforting and possessive. His fingers grazed the fabric of her shorts, and she felt the heat of his touch through the material. It was a familiar warmth, one she had missed in the months they had been apart. "You know I'm not going anywhere, dont feel guilty for not wanting somethink.." he murmured, his voice low and soothing. His thumb made slow circles around her waist, sending a shiver up her spine.

The cabin was quiet, the only sounds the distant russtle of leaves and the occasional snore from their sleeping friends. It was the perfect backdrop, Y/n felt his hand slide onto her thigh, his touch sending a jolt of warmth through her. His eyes searched hers, and she knew what was coming. Despite the guilt that washed over her, she didn't pull away. Instead, she leaned into his touch, his whispered words a seductive invitation that she couldn't resist. He gently lifted her leg over his lap, his hand resting on her waist, and she straddled him, her heart racing.

Hyunjin's breath was warm against her ear as he whispered, "You're mine, Y/n." His grip tightened slightly, his thumb tracing the outline of her hipbone. She closed her eyes, lost in the comforting familiarity of his touch, his scent, his voice. But the memory of Felix's eyes, filled with hope and pain, lingered in her mind, She knew she should push him away, tell him to stop, but she didn't want to. She wanted this, she needed this. To feel wanted and loved, to bury the confusion away for as long as she could.

His mouth found hers, his kiss gentle but insistent, as if he were trying to erase the memory of the almost-kiss with Felix. Y/n's hands slid up his chest, her fingers curling into his shirt, holding on as if she could anchor herself to this moment, to Hyunjin, and forget about the storm of emotions that had been brewing since the night before. She kissed him back, losing herself in the familiar warmth of his embrace, the way his lips moved against hers.

But as their kiss deepened, she couldn't shake the feeling that something was off. A voice in the back of her mind whispered that this wasn't the way she wanted it to be sneaking around in the middle of the night, hiding from their friends, especially after what had happened with Felix. Yet, she couldn't deny the comfort Hyunjin offered her, the way his touch made her feel seen and cherished.

Hyunjin lightly tugged at the bottom of her shorts, his intentions clear. The heat of his hand on her bare skin sent a thrill through Y/n. She knew she should stop him, knew that this wasn't right, but she couldn't bring herself to break the connection. The fabric slid down, revealing more of her then she'd planned for tonight, but she didn't protest. Instead, she found her own hands moving to his sweatpants, her fingers fumbling with the drawstring. The weight of their actions grew heavier with every second, the air in the room thick with unspoken desire.

As she lifted her hips, allowing him to remove her shorts completely, she felt a pang of guilt, thinking of the hurt in Felix's eyes. Yet, the warmth of Hyunjin's touch was intoxicating, making it difficult to think clearly. She reached down to gently palm him through his pants, the heat of his length burning through the fabric. He groaned into her neck, his teeth grazing her skin lightly, sending shivers down her spine. Their breaths mingled, growing more ragged with each passing second. His hands roamed her body, re-exploring every curve and line, as if he were memorizing her all over again. Despite her misgivings, Y/n couldn't ignore the undeniable pull she felt towards him. Hyunjin's hands found the waistband of his sweatpants, sliding them down.

Y/n felt a rush of cold air against her skin from the open window, but it was quickly replaced by his warmth as he pressed himself against her, pushing her down onto the bed with his body. His weight was both comforting and overwhelming, his presence a stark reminder of the choice she was making. Her legs fell open to accommodate him, and she wrapped them around his waist, drawing him closer. Hyunjin's touch was gentle but firm, a silent promise that he would take care of her. His mouth trailed down her neck, leaving a trail of kisses that ignited a fire within her.

Yet, as his hand cupped her breast through her plain black-T, his thumb brushing over her hardened nipple, Y/n felt a shiver of doubt. This wasn't the gentle, tentative exploration of a newfound connection but the familiar dance of two bodies that had been intimate before. Was she just using Hyunjin to ease her own guilt and confusion? His kisses grew more urgent, his hands more insistent, and she knew she was losing the battle against the flood of emotions.

As he positioned himself above her, his eyes searched hers, looking for confirmation. Y/n's chest rose and fell with every rapid breath she took, her pupils dilated with a mix of fear and desire. Her fingers tightened around the fabric of his shirt, her body arching slightly as she felt the hardness of his erection pressing against her. For a brief moment, she allowed herself to revel in the sensation, the way her body responded to his touch. Hyunjin leaned down, capturing her mouth in a searing kiss that left her breathless. His hand slipped under her shirt, his calloused fingers gliding over the softness of her stomach before finding the way to her breasts once again.

Felix, unable to sleep, had made his way to the kitchen for a glass of water. He heard the faint sound of talking coming from one of the rooms down the hall, curiosity piqued by the hushed tones. He paused outside Hyunjin's room, he could hear his bestfriend moving around.

Taking a deep breath, he tapped lightly on the door. "Hyunjin?" he called out softly, hoping to not wake the others. The rustling inside stopped for a brief moment before Hyunjin's sleepy voice called back, "oh..Yeah, um ..One sec"

Felix waited, his stomach in knots. He didn't know what he was expecting to find, but the anticipation was almost unbearable. When Hyunjin opened the door, his eyes were wide with surprise, but there was something else in his expression that Felix couldn't quite place. "What's up, man?" He asked, rubbing his eyes.

Felix stepped into the room, his eyes immediately darting to the empty space beside Hyunjin on the bed. His heart sank. "Is Y/n here?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Hyunjin's eyes grew wide with shock, and he stumbled over his words. "Wha..what? No, she's not here. Why?" His confusion was palpable, but there was a hint of something else in his tone.

Felix rubbed his eyes. "Never mind, ..thought I heard something" he mumbled, turning to leave..befor stopping. "Just a thought ...But..would you be down to talk..now."

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Im aways open for requests/suggestions and more, or even to just chat. Feel free to add constructive criticism.

btw you are so beautiful and so awesome and you should never feel like less then bc i love you <3🍀 Lillie xxx