#Jeremy Knox you have my whole heart

[littleblackdressxo]

i love him your honor

[trench-coat-warfare]

these were the chart toppers in june 2007 do we think ms cat alvarez was bumpin these on her boombox or what

[farawaysoph-ie]

The Sunshine Court Incoherent Whatever (pt.1)

Okay. Okay.

I just finished The Sunshine Court and 1) Jean Moreau what have you done to me? 2) Jean Moreau what have(n't) they done to you?

I started this, then went and re-read tkm (bc the obsession was always latent and never gone), so I could compare both Neil and Jean pov and well, suffice to say I'm not okay and I feel too much.

Thank you Nora Sakavic, it was painful and amazing.

I have a long train ride so I might as well bring back my incoherent whatever after *checks the notes* 4 years :')

As always this will be so full of spoilers.

(Unrelated spoiler: the train ride wasn't enough)

Let's start with the general:

After loving Neil maybe too much the shift to Jean took awhile to adjust to but now I'm ready to fight at least three mafia families, every single hater (fictional or otherwise) and the FBI for him

Jeremy Knox was everything, but like everyone on here, what are you hiding Jeremy?? What's going on??

Cat and Laila, my beloved ™️ the care these two effortlessly gave made me cry

This whole book was a serious trigger for me, but I'm in too deep with this series, imagine me like that Simpsons meme, I did it for my new french son

Characters, thoughts:

I said before the Ravens were a cult, but I hadn't really understood that statement. Every time Jean spoke of them it hit deeper and deeper how messed up and unfair it all was.

Boy am I happy that Riko is dead, like I didn't really wish anyone the fate of being shot by an unfeeling older brother, until Jean's pov hit me like a high speed train.

Andrew spoke exactly one word in this, still was iconic and a scene stealer, how in character for him

I forgot how much I always want to slap Kevin Day when he's trying his best to be annoying, it's because I love him, I swear! (But seriously his relationship with Jean is so complex and well executed I will think about it for a very long while)

I didn't give much thought to Renee and Jean relationship in tkm, but it broke my heart here, it's when I started to actually tear up, I love them so much rainbows, a cool evening breeze. I can't.

"Tell me something"

"Where are you now?"

The whole dynamic of the Cat&Laila& sometimesJeremy's apartment

Cat teaching Jean how to cook + motorbike ride (open roads)

Laila taking him to shopping

Jeremy wanting to make Jean Moreau the Person his success story

Neil dragging Jean towards survival without giving him a choice, again and again: he sent Renee as gentle bait, closed a deal in his name with a mafia boss, promised him he would win against Riko in his name too, promised him again Riko was dead, ordered a hit on his rapist, offered to delay the talk with the FBI, linked his sister to his name, to survival and to what he deserved. I NEED more interactions between them, I am not above begging.

I have to get a better idea on the other Trojans, but for now the policule was cute, I need more Cody and less Lucas. Like I can understand where he was coming from? But he needs to shut up now, you made your mess man, now go play Exy like you were supposed to.

I miss the Foxes :'(

Wymack! I almost forgot everyone's favourite dad-coach: he showed up, brought alcohol, got more tired, delivered care to yet another traumatized child, spent a whole day on airplanes to bring him to Los Angeles, left him money for clothes&co. bc he's not doing this again, answered his call when he was having The Breakdown. Best dad-coach ever in the history of dad-coaches.

Plot things:

Jean at the beginning was so scared and in so much pain it took a while to get a clear picture of him as a person

Still loved all his salty comments and insults, he couldn't help himself

Renee sitting with him and caring with Abby and Wymack :')

Jean being afraid of going back and of not going back to Evermore, hating the ones that got to leave

The self harm and all the people in this that fought him to keep his hands from his neck, his scars, himself

"I am Jean Moreau. My place is at Evermore. I will endure."

Jean not believing in Wymack care, waiting for the act to end and the other shoe to drop

The disbelief at Kevin being away from the court and him admitting he went at knifepoint (and meaning it literally), sometimes this was a comedy

Wymack, Jean, and the burning of houses

Jean's opinion of the Foxes going from those mediocre fools to those mediocre madmen to the madmen that actually beat Riko Moriyama

Wymack putting Jean's phone in the freezer and hating computers

“That man is years overdue for a high-speed, head-on collision.” couldn't have said it better, but Neil was already on it at that point

"Jean knew better than to look for anger in his stare; the best Kevin could manage was bottomless guilt."

“It was my only chance,” Kevin said. “I knew you wouldn’t come with me.” “My place is at Evermore,” Jean agreed, “but you did not have to slit my throat on the way out.”

“Your blind loyalty to those clowns is exhausting.” “Some of them you like,” Kevin reminded him. “Don’t you dare,”

Nathaniel "Hello Jean" Wesninski vs Jean "Go away" Moreau

This whole conversation went very differently compared to tkm: like there Neil came, dropped a metaphorical bomb, glossed over the explanation and went away trying to convince Andrew they are something

Jean was ambushed by two of his most complicated acquaintances (???) and their "pet goalkeeper" (god I need Andrew's reaction to this "nickname", but I guess no one will ever say this to his face, Neil would be too busy fighting you at the suggestion to ever repeat it), had his worldwiew turned upside down with no chance of having a say in the matter, then was left alone with Kevin Day and the aftermath.

So yes two different conversation; also I kinda forgot of the deal about Neil and his smile

“Everyone who has tried to tame him has failed.”

All for the game: a summary

There was no getting away; there was only getting through.

Jean Moreau who (hasn't) hurt you, part some of too many

What really makes it messed up is that on one hand there was Riko and his mad cruelty and on the other there was an entire team of bystanders At Best: some people were an active part and then pretended, no sympathy for them; others decided to ignore the truth to survive and get what they wanted, which I can understand but I guess they still didn't have the decency to shut up when Jean got away. The anger that crawled through my skin when the smear campaign and the notebook/postcards/magnets thing happened. You should have stayed silent until the end you fucks.

“Do it, then. It wouldn’t take much; we all know I have brittle bones.”

Jeremy pov kinda gave you whiplash, with him waking up super early, helping homeless men, but then you start noticing all the things he avoids almost effortlessly and like, what are you hiding sunshine man??

What actually broke me about his povs was him noticing all these details about Jean, and then misinterpreting them, bc whatever he's been through Jean has had it 100 times worse and this doesn't even factor in Jeremy world. I'm pretty sure he'll get the whole truth in the end and I'm scared of what it'll do to him.

Also Jean being like Ravens always had to keep secrets and then spilling most of them almost unprompted, let's laugh in order not to cry

“He hasn’t played a clean game in years,” Kevin admitted, “but he knows how to follow orders. If you tell him to submit, he will.” “Literally the most awkward way you could’ve worded it,” Jeremy said.

This will keep coming back, Kevin please. (He 100% ships it, one of us)

The Foxes catching the too tired Trojans and Jeremy being like, you are all approved (I need the two teams to interact now)

Also the Trojans being like how are they still standing, Neil how are you still running??

Someone pointed out they wanted Neil to interact with Jeans closest teammates bc if he is a madman by Jean standards, what would normal people make of him? To which yes, but also guys consider this: Neil said to Cat and Laila that they were terrifying after the semifinal, he took a step back when Jeremy opened the door and silently invited him in. I need Neil and the floozies to interact so Neil can experience real fear.

Mafia bosses have nothing on wholesome people, the true weakness of one Neil Josten

Jean immediately hanging up on Jeremy will never not be funny

When you get to the title of the book and it's Jean insulting people <3

I will Never, NEVER, get over the "nineteen". Never.

I love Abby but when she told that bit about fighting back, It Hurt. She probably didn't really mean it and didn't know everything bc how are you supposed to keep fighting when you are fifteen, alone and forsaken in a place that is built to break you? As it has been pointed out, Neil had rebellion beaten into him by a mother that chose him and ran; Jean had a sister that he hoped to protect and parents that sold him away like property. Five months were actually a long time.

Dobson keeps being iconic, I don't know what to think about the I don't know how exy works bit: I mean I've been obsessing with this and still don't know how exy works (plz don't hate me), but at the same time it was such a power move and got Jean to talk

“Of course it’d be you, you tedious malcontent.” “Good morning to you, too.” Nathaniel held up an oversized bandage.

You see why I need more of their interactions, right?

Nathaniel was different; he always would be. He wasn’t a Raven, but he was, same as Jean. He was Jean’s misplaced forever partner, an unfulfilled promise Jean had stopped believing in years ago.

You can now be forever partners while you tear down your families :)

I think that I'm stuck on the two of them bc while Kevin broke a promise to save himself (to which no hate, when dealing with madmen like Riko you have to save yourself) and still couldn't, not completely, Neil was a promise made and broken by other people. Jean hates him bc they were supposed to share a destiny and all the misery, but I think very deep down he knows that if Nathaniel had come to the Nest they would still be nursing wounds and appeasing a tyrant. Neil is the one that stood against Riko when Kevin wanted to hide, the one that gave him courage by example, the one that dragged Jean away from the Ravens, both for selfish reasons (taking down Riko) and better ones (paying him back for saving his life a the Nest).

But still

“You are only here now because you are an abominable cockroach,”

Funny how Neil forgot to tell us about the breakdown about Kevin's tattoo, he was probably thinking about the match. Junkie.

The cheese drawer guys, ???

To this day I still can't decide what was more iconic: Kevin Day switching playing hand halfway through the game and pretty much scoring everything until the last second, Neil being so fast that it made up for him being a shitty defender, Andrew crossing the court to keep Neil from being murdered (I'm biased, but still iconic moments all of them)

Experiencing this match from Jean's pov was amazing writing, like the countdown of the last ten seconds, the Riko-Neil bit without volume but from a different angle (I didn't really realize everyone was able to see the King attempting murder live on TV, but hey perspective)

Run, Jean thought. He didn't know if he was thinking it at Andrew or Nathaniel. Run.

"That wasn't a miracle," Jean typed out. "That was the Foxes."

:')

When Jean found about Riko though :'(

The shudder that wracked his chest should have been revulsion, but it fell dangerously short. This didn't feel like joy or relief; it only felt like loss. [...] Who was he without them?"

I loved that he woke up to Renee and Neil though, the rainbow and the witness

Renee always hitting the point, this wonderful girl

"Maybe you're mourning the wreckage he made of your life. You're allowed to grieve what he took from you."

"It's impressive, isn't it? How easily these monsters die in the end."

Neil Abram Josten said I'm done letting monsters ruin my life and my people, he actually promised.

When he called him Neil guys, tears

Also I found peculiar that when thinking about the room he destroyed Jean calls it "Neil's dorm room", not Kevin's who he's known for actually longer. It's what makes me think that they have a chance at not being misplaced forever anymore.

Renee either hits you with hidden wisdom of the universe or with practical and brutal advice, and we love her for that

The two of them, the Two Of THEEEEEEEEM

Jean noticed how Andrew and Neil moved like they were caught in each other's gravity, in each other's space more than they were out of it, cigarette smoke and matching armbands and lingering looks when one fell out of orbit for too long.

Just leaving this here.

The airport bit :'(

"Men like Wymack didn't exist. They couldn't; they shouldn't."

Enter Jeremy Knox and his yo-yo in the middle of said airport. Flawless.

This man was put on Earth to test Jean, at least that's what he will keep thinking from here on

The rest of this book is Jean having conversations with people and not understanding them, bc he's been living for five (seven) years in a cult. It is an escalation pretty painful to watch, I think the Trojans are all of us :'(

Question: will Jean end up teaching Jeremy French? Will Jeremy learn by himself? I think I'd probably prefer the latter

Cat, the mess, the music, the tour, I love her so much

Jeremy "he's a little off" Knox, he was trying

Barkbark von Barkenstein

Jean Moreau and the real world (bubble tea? you have to shop for stuff? you sign things yourself? you leave campus? someone help this disoriented french bean)

"Something had gone horribly wrong at Evermore"

oh Jeremy

Watching Jeremy regret almost all his questions :'(

“Three fractured ribs. Sprained LCL. Twisted ankle. Broken nose. That’s most of it.” That’s most of it.

Laila, who pushed and got angry for Jean and didn't back down despite him lashing out, my beloved

You look like a Ken doll." + "This isn't blond."

"Not Grayson.[...] Please." that one made me sick, the writing made me feel even only a part of what Jean was feeling and it was enough to feel sick

The water :'(

Jean just leaving when confronted with Laila and Jeremy in swimsuits was very bi of him

Lucas coming in looking like a well know nightmare and the Ravens dropping like flies

I didn't ask.

It's not like I didn't know, right? But I still died inside

Zane and the betrayal

Jeremy didn’t let him get away with it. “That’s not the issue and you know it. I don’t want to crowd you.” “You are not them,” Jean said. “Kevin would not have sent me here if you were.”

Jean taking one look at the doctor sent by the coaches and going nope, Dobson will be definitely better

Jeremy seeing the nightmares and the scars and not being able to do much:(

A hand on his chin startled him into looking up. When he met Jean’s eyes, Jean only said, “Focus on what’s important.” “I am,” Jeremy said. Jean opened his mouth, closed it again, and let go of Jeremy without a word. Jeremy snagged his arm when he started to turn away. “Who did this to you?”

I'm sorry did he just

“It’s not about size, anyway.” “Defensive,” Jean said, tugging his glove straps with his teeth. Jeremy straightened in indignation. “I don’t have anything to be defensive about.” Jean lost his grip and bit his lip, and Jeremy hurried on before either of them could think too much about that double entendre.

“Say ‘yes, Jeremy’.” He had the distinct impression Jean wanted to roll his eyes. “Yes, Jeremy.” Jeremy forgot everything else he could have said in favor of staring. It was the first time he’d heard Jean say his name.

Are you seeing this? Yes? Good, let's go on

“If I ever make you uncomfortable or make you feel unsafe, will you promise to tell me? If you don’t trust me enough to tell me what’s wrong and why, at least trust me enough to tell me that something is wrong. I can’t fix things if I don’t know there’s a problem. As your captain and your partner, don’t I at least deserve the chance to not be a villain in your story?”

The pool bit :'( and after when they tell there are no pools at Evermore. Riko is so lucky to already be dead :)

You’re forcing us to hurt you without giving us any say in the matter.”

Watching Jean trying to navigate his interactions with the Trojans was painful, frustrating but also hopeful. This boy has been hurt so much and so often, he doesn't get what normal looks like anymore. But the Trojans don't let him get away with it (even if it breaks their heart and the coaches will probably get a lot of grey hair from this)

"Your safety and happiness will always be more important than our season.” “You are naïve.” “Maybe you’ll define success by how we do this season, but I’m not obligated to do the same. You are going to be my success story: Jean Moreau the person, not Jean Moreau of the perfect Court. You take care of one, and I’ll take care of the other.” “That is not how it works.” “Is there a rule against it?” “There is no merit to it. This is all I am.” Jeremy ignored that and asked again, “Is there a rule against it?”

Jeremy gay panicking and the photo of Renee

The floozy line!

Every time Jeremy goes "our coaches" or "our teammates" all I can think in my head is "someone will die" "of fun!!!!"

Jean wondering if the Trojans have something against recruiting tall players xD

“Thank you for worrying about them. You’re a good man, Jean Moreau.” “A ridiculous sentiment,” he said. “I mean it,”

This man didn't even second guess himself, he had to ask because he knew and it didn't even occur to him to be silent. Excuse me sir? Shut up you are a good man

“I assumed the Trojans were idiots,” Jean said. “Now I think you are all insane.” “It’s a step up,” Cody said. “I’ll take it.”

The practices, the scars pt2

“It is all I am, Coach.”

“We did not want outsiders at Evermore.” “Except Neil,” Cat said. “Neil was a special case,” Jean allowed.

#accurate

You’re hurting me.” “It has been toward for five years,” Jean said, looking past Jeremy at the scrimmage that was still going on without them. “It is not that easy to undo.” Jeremy frowned at him and echoed, “Five? You were only with the Ravens for three.” “I moved into Evermore two years before I enrolled,” Jean said, and hauled Jeremy to one side. The stray ball that had been coming for them ricocheted off his chest instead of Jeremy’s back, and Jean scooped it up on the rebound with a quick snap of his wrist. He hurled it across the court toward Cody one-handed before finally letting go of Jeremy. “I will try harder.”

The notebooks breakdown hurt so bad bc Cat and Laila being angry for him (they are all of us), Jeremy trying to mediate bc he's been there, he pushed and Jean broke and he doesn't want to hurt him, and Jean who confesses his secrets without meaning to, just to realize and panic. What a recipe for a disaster.

“How dare they blame you for anything after what they did to you. How dare you grieve them.” It hit like a sucker punch, but Jean’s frustrated rejoinder was worse: “They don’t know.”

They don't know, but they could guess. They could smell the blood. They joked about his brittle bones. He was sixteen. I'm not sorry for the mercy I don't have after finishing this book

Jeremy could only watch in wretched silence as Jean tried to walk himself back from the edge. He cast his phone aside in favor of catching Jean’s face in his hands, and the way Jean flinched at his touch was almost his undoing. “Hey,” he said quietly. “Hey. Jean. Look at me.” Jean refused, and Jeremy grasped desperately for anything that could bring Jean back to him. He seized on the only thing he could and threw Jean’s words back at him: “You are Jean Moreau. Your place is here with me, with us. I’m your captain. You’re my partner. We’re supposed to be doing this together, aren’t we? Stop leaving me behind. Look at me.” It wouldn’t work, but it did. Jean opened his eyes to meet Jeremy’s stare. “I told you not to ask me about him.”

I had seen the quote before reading but no one told me what followed ç.ç

He felt a tremor in Jean’s hands, and for a blinding moment he was sure Jean would lean into the safety of this silent confession. But Jean only sucked in a slow breath and said, “Now I am not safe with you, captain.” Letting go of Jean was the hardest thing Jeremy had ever done. Everything in him railed against this, and for a moment he regretted giving Jean a way out.

I was not crying, I swear.

“I’m sorry,” Jeremy said, because he didn’t have the strength for small talk or a softer approach right now. “Did Riko break your hand?”

That was one heavy conversation and it's just the start (Jeremy is Not Fine™️)

He is not used to having a voice, and he has never had power. I cannot promise he will ever talk to you.” “I will wait as long as it takes,” Jeremy said.

Still best boy

And maybe in many ways he still was, but a martyr could still be a monster when the cameras weren’t rolling.

Boy do I have news for you (do you think Jeremy will know that Riko didn't kill himself? Does it matter? I think not knowing this particular detail would be fine, I still don't really know how much this sunshine boy can take (more than I expected but still))

Did I mention that I really love the apartment trio? Cat and Laila agreeing to silence but still being angry (drag them girls, draaaaag them), the dinner and movie and Jean not getting up to leave

Did I mention Lucas is free to shut up and play? :) Because I get that you are angry, but 1) it's not your decision to make, we don't need your conspiracy theories 2) it's not Jean problem, he has enough of them leave him alone

“Ask him why he’s so sure the rumors are true. Ask him what his part in it was. If you’re going to believe him just because he’s blood, then at least make him tell you the truth.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” Lucas demanded.

And Jean still deciding not to lie, he may be an asshole but almost everyone he has known didn't deserve him

Also I don't know where Lucas got the audacity? You think there is something the justifies breaking a player's ribs?? What is wrong with you, you are part of the sunshine court

The dread when asking if Grayson was home

The bike ride :')

Now that they were settled, he expected an interrogation or a reason for this unscheduled trip out. When she failed to explain herself, Jean finally asked, “Why are we here?” “I love it here,” [...] “I don’t know. I just felt like some fresh air would do you good. There’s nothing like a ride to get you out of your head and into the moment, you know?” Jean considered that for a minute. “Thank you.”

Jean waited until he was out of earshot. “I don’t understand.” “Trust us,” Jeremy said tiredly. “Neither do we.”

Jean vs the Trojans, a summary

The monster shows up and it was a mess and Jean has never had a break, literally never

Which was extremely literal bc Lucas wanted to talk and then Neil shows up

I need a separate post for the last pages bc I started this 24 h ago and I want to do it justice. So part 2 coming.

Edit: I misspelled Jean's surname *facepalms and goes to hide*

[pachecoasis]

But what is going on with the Knox family and the third brother??

The whole Annalise saying Jeremy was over due to for another scandal? What is it? Is it cause he is out and proud? Watch be that with the whole political family and the grampa that is not even his grandfather. Also that " you already destroyed the family" what is it Knox family?!!! This is going to live rent free until I know what is making Capitan Sunshine have an empty smile!!!!

Also can we talk about the fact that Jeremy keep putting barkbark on the room so Jean wouldn't feel alone!!!!

And both of them trusting Kevin,and knowing he will never put either of them in danger, my heart!!!

Also can we talk about the fact that Jean says that Kevin was looking at the court , while he was looking at Kevin , that Jean decides to live cause a promise to Kevin, and that another face f him over.... Like he is taking about Kevin right, that was not a drill!!!

And lastly can we please buy Jean all the magnets and postcards 🥹

[simonsrosebud]

TSC FIRST REACTIONS (SPOILERS)

i have many more but my brain is mush rn

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jean watching the championship game was heart racing bc WE all know what happens at the end. his reaction to riko’s death is… the detached description of it is so fitting because he barely remembers it himself, he was so disassociated

the fact that his first knee jerk reaction to fear and panic is to claw at his neck until it bleeds is so interesting bc hello that takes strength and PAIN to dig that deep, i don’t understand it even after finishing the book but hoping i get more clarity on my second read.

jeremy and kevin’s relationship is very trusting, i think more than we thought. not the fangirl of each other that we joke about.

jean taking the picture of renee pls shoot me

jeremy’s rage and grief when he finally starts getting a bigger scope of everything jean lived through is a LOT. i wanna scream at jean to just LET HIM IN even knowing he won’t

the in depth explanations of the 16 hour days and all these other little evermore facts that we’re learning and have wanted to know for YEARS… yikes

jeremy calling kevin with no warning asking “did riko break ur hand?” SO BOLD

jeans notebooks crush my soul so hard it’s heartbreaking. and his trinkets😭

“Jean was exactly the kind of guy Jeremy was prone to trip himself up over” OH MY GOD?? there’s a difference between me wanting jerejean vs them actually being attracted to one another.

jeremy is a golden retriever confirmed. “This is Barkbark von Barkenstein. You can call him Barkbark or Mister B for short. It's a bit of a mouthful on its own.”

BLOND JEREMY YAS

jeans reaction to blond jeremy. fully took this man out of orbit.

although he hasn’t confirmed fully, jean being gay (assumption) was almost surprising bc from what i remember from the EC i almost thought he’d lean more pansexual since the ravens kinda slept with whoever (not that he seems like the type to use labels anyway)

“Kevin's words mocked him in the back of his thoughts: ‘Some of them you like.��� Jean cut off that line of thinking so fast he felt dizzy. It didn't matter that Jeremy Knox was annoyingly easy to look at; Jean knew better than to look at another man too long.” SCREAMING?? WAS JEAN THE ONE W THE CRUSH ON JEREMY THIS WHOLE TIME WHILE KEVIN WAS JUST FRIENDS??

and now my chest hurts bc “He was years away, watching a different beautiful boy lean in close to say, Will you teach me when he's not watching? It could be our secret.

Jeremy Cat and Laila seeing the notebooks broke me a little, the accidental invasion hurt

the ravens dropping like flies…

“he hadn’t missed the way Jean’s gaze tracked him when he readied for bed. Since Jean was quick to look away when he was caught, Jeremy had promised himself he wouldn’t ask. This was too good an opening to pass up, though, so he finally said, “More exclusively than you do, I think. Does that bother you?” AHHHHHHHH WOAHHHHHH i threw my phone (also can’t tell if jean looks at cat/laila the way jeremy assumed in that paragraph or if it’s just curiosity, cause it always seems like it’s just curiosity not attraction

Grayson. think we all saw smth like that coming from jeans time in the nest but holy shit

Neil showing up WOAH. i knew his FBI business wouldn’t be over in one day but i didn’t rlly expect that, although it makes sense

im still not over jeremy actually being gay its a dream come true that we all saw and hoped for but still

[constelationprize]

can u talk more about wips 2 and 5 thank you <3 im so curious - dayurno

Omg @dayurno hi....

And I absolutely can!

#2 is what I call my Raven scandal fic. It's gonna be set in 2015, so seven years into Kevin and Jean's pro carreer, and I'm gonna go ahead and already call it non-TSC compliant because I have a very specific vision for what the future in this verse looks like. Anyway, the point is, an article about the female presence in Exy sparks a massive exposé on the Ravens and Tetsuji's abusive coaching as a whole, including very detailed accounts of what life on the Nest was like. Kevin and Jean, who are both the most famous ex-Ravens on the major leagues and trying very hard to leave the past in the past, are then very unwillingly dragged into the spotlight (and back at each other's lives) as people start to demand their sides of the story. To add insult to injury, Kevin was already in the middle of a personal crisis upon receiving the news he might not be able to play for very much longer due to his growing health issues, which also does not help the fact he feels like he is getting replaced in Exy and public counciosness by a newbie striker he was kind of strong-armed into mentoring (her name is Celia Knight and I love her very much. You also best BELIEVE I am using those puns). And that is not even mentioning the pressure from the Moriyamas. So, a very bad time is being had all around. But everything is maybe sort of going to work out in the end. Probably.

#5 is a very fledgling WIP but still very near and dear to my heart. It's a kerejean gothic romance AU, wherein due to being accused of theft, a recently fired Jeremy Knox can only find employment in the decrepit and isolated Evermore Hall, an estate owned by the eccentric Mr. Riko Moriyama. Evermore is a very strange place, starting with the fact that it has a extremely small staff who all appear to absolutely hate each other; the groundskeeper, Mr. Moreau, seems to not be allowed to enter the main house; and if the footsteps he hears coming from the attic and the figure dressed in white Jeremy is always getting a glimpse of are any indication, the place is also haunted. (That is to say, yes, I have at last attic wifed Kevin Day). I'm having a lot of fun working on it, but because I'll take a while to write it and it's set on Jeremy's POV, I'm gonna wait for TSC to roll around before actually dedicating time to it, so I can get his personality and some background details to the AU to be more accurate.

[dayurno]

I DID SEE THE REBLOG i’ve been giggling about it all evening thinking of an alternate wip with evil kevjean….. trust i have the link saved in my notes just in case for a future fic. i felt my face warm when i saw u mention it outside of the ask responses….. you are too sweet.

jeremy and his matching set of milfs. mwah. that’s really all it is. it will all be okay though…… it just doesn’t help his case that his best friend is #1 andrew minyard telling him this is the stupidest decision he’s ever made in his life. it’s really less heartbreaking than these things usually go and more silly i think u know? the juxtaposition of jeremy losing his mind thinking he’s breaking some code and andrew telling him sleeping with a couple is stupid vs kevjean explicitly stating they are taking him out on dates and learning how to communicate with a new person instead of just each other. it certainly takes some time to figure out as jeremy doesn’t realize poly is even an OPTION and kevjean have never really tried but all three of them are truly obsessed with each other because they don’t know any other way to be! i don’t want it to feel TOO mean :3

i was editing the like Confession scene last night. jeremy having his moment while kevin and jean are realizing they have not been communicating as effectively as they thought (idiots in love). n i was thinking about that poem you shared the whole time it really truly was so lovely and really gave me some steam. i love you user dayurno. you got one normal length ask from me and now here i am with a tangent again

WHEHE oh you're cute you're cute did you know? you're cute! ALTERNATE EVIL KEVJEAN TIMELINE i would be into that....... but i would feel bad for jeremy after all. polyamorous gay 50 shades of gray? as i type this i realize i might be into it. let's change topics let's change it now

ANDREW AS JEREMY'S BEST FRIENDDDD you know the concept of andrew&jeremy has been floating around the fandom ever since people started caring if jeremy lives or dies and i never cared much for it until recently when lucky-slice posted that art of them smoking together...... i think this could actually take off the ground you know. the wonky machinery of jeredrew it can fly i believe it can.... andrew (ANDREW) being the voice of reason for once in his life is definitely crazy though i mean jeremy knox please rethink your decisions. but then again if i had a pair of matching milfs interested in me and in learning how to adapt into a relationship with me i would be going blindly too. i think. well! AND I LOVE TO HEAR THAT IT'S NOT SAD AFTER ALL i understand because i love reading sad but i hate writing sad....

IM GLAD YOU LIKED THE POEM :3 i cant read it too many times or it breaks my heart but i love it. do you have a playlist or something like that for this wip? a pinterest board maybe? here i'll trade you my current kerejean's wip pinterest board for urs. how does that sound! pls reply i sent you jean moreaus tender and vulnerable and girlish heart

[splishsplashyouropinionistrash]

An incomplete list of my favorite AFTG fics

All of these are on AO3, and yes I’m only writing this because I’m procrastinating working on TMHYHM. So, in no particular order, my favorite AFTG fics.

The Multi-Part Fics (Complete)

All of these have ended and taken a bit of my heart with them.

1. August by gus_47 (2/2)

If you know anything about me you know that I’m obsessed I enjoy anything and everything written by gus_47. I am their biggest fan; I would read their grocery lists if they let me. So obviously, I was obsessed with this story as soon as it was published. It’s Kevaaron and just- ugh. Heartbreaking. AND !! There’s going to be a second part. So technically it’s finished, but never fear because we’re not done with my boys yet.

2. 12 Ways To Woo A Minyard by NikNak22 (14/14)

This is a non-exy college Andriel fic with background Kevaaron and Jerjean. Basically, Neil is friends with the Foxes and has a huge crush on Andrew. The Foxes try and help Neil confess, lots of fun fluffy antics ensue. Plus, it’s a “Kevaaron is obviously happening but Neil’s too busy pining to notice” fic, so... yeah

3. Flavors of Fall by NikNak22 (20/20)

Don’t even get me started on this one. It’s Andreil, Andrew’s POV, small-town romance. Andrew’s a photographer and lives in a cottage!! in the woods!! and the Foxes have small-town spooky season fun!! It’s just so fluffy and fun and god the yearning. One of my favorite fluff fics, stg it’s so amazing.

4. Bad Habits by mitigates (2/2)

Okay so listen... I won’t lie, there’s a lot of smut. HOWEVER!!! There’s also fuckin soft Jeremy Knox running a childrens home!! and I need that in my life so badly. Anyway, it’s Andriel, Kevaaron, and Jerjean. Also Neil and Kev hooked up once, and it’s a big joke?? Honest to god, it comes up at least four times-

5. Red Rabbits by bloodydamnit, Jeni182, SeaBear13, and windeavesdrops (25/25)

It’s Andriel with background Renee/Allison, not a fluff fic at all so be warned. Andrew is a journalist who starts a podcast trying to hunt down Mary and Nathaniel Wesninksi. Neil, obviously, doesn’t want to be found. It was an interactive story, there’s a Tumblr page, it’s just so good? Really, go read it. I have no other words.

6. quicksand by likearecord (9/9)

This bad boy is Andriel with fuckboy Aaron and Neil is Kev’s little brother. The sheer amount of gay panic in this story, I simply cannot express to you how much fun this is. I cackled so loudly in the middle of the fucking night. Also like- Andrew gets to have friends?? and family who loves him?? And Neil is a being of utter chaos. It’s beautiful.

7. The Odds Are Never In Our Favor by MalikShah (29/29)

It’s not my normal style, but it was so good? It’s AFTG + The Hunger Games. Andriel, a few character deaths, and just a lot of tears. They’re so gay and so sad and it’s so fun. 

8. Thorns by Mostly_Maudlin (2/2)

Andreil during Neil’s fifth year. Lots of healthy communication after some not-so-healthy communication. Just a sweet little fic of Andreil learning how to live when they aren’t right next to eachother. (there is smut tho, just so you’re prepared).

9. a switchblade is my preferred weapon by badacts (48/48)

LOCKED FIC, YOU NEED AN AO3 ACCT TO READ !! 

Anyways, this is AFTG if Neil was in the Nest and left with Kevin. It’s Andriel and very good. The slowest of slowburns. You aren’t ready. You may think you’re ready, but you aren’t.

10. Am I Screaming To An Empty Sky? by phan_taloon (4/4)

guys... this one is just heartbreaking. It’s Andriel, hurt with very little comfort, and honestly super triggering so be sure to read the tags before you read. Basically, the Foxes lose the finals and Neil ends up in the Nest. I think I sobbed the whole time I was reading, honestly.

11. never fallen (from quite this high) by crystalcrow (43/43)

It’s AFTG from Andrew’s POV. Deffo a must-read, that’s all I have to say. Also, the first AFTG fic I read so... good memories, ig?

12. Back To The Start by fuzzballsheltiepants (11/11)

Andriel during Neil’s fifth year. Andrew gets injured and loses his memory. It’s just as heartbreaking as it sounds, but also so painfully sweet. gives major “I don’t know you, but I know that I love you” vibes. So good.

The Multi-Part Fics (Incomplete)

Some of these are abandoned, some are not, all of them are worth reading.

1. I left you alone in a house, not a home by ohhhhmygod (4/?)

Andreil after canon where Neil has a little brother. It’s not a super fluffy fic so far, but it’s so good !!

2. Blame It On My Youth by youreyestheyglow (115/?)

Andriel 10 years post-canon. They’re foster dads!! Nat and Paige are what I never knew I needed, I’ve fallen hopelessly in love with this story. The quintessential AFTG fic.

3. Hoax by gus_47 (31/40)

C’mon guys, it’s gus_47 ofc I love it. Jerejean after the Ravens. Absolutely, completely obsessed. It’s so fucking good y’all. Just read it.

4. Redemption by accioice (30/?)

So, Neil goes to the Nest as a kid, but instead of Riko abusing them, the Perfect Court becomes family (plus Ichirou). Eventually they go to Palmetto and there’s Andriel!! Kev is a bi disaster, we get some neurodivergent rep, and really really good found family. They just love each other so much. Honestly, it’s a good “what if..?” fic. Like, what if Riko broke the cycle of abuse? It’s just really good and you need to read it.

5. Andrew Minyard v. The Spear Family by preciousfoxes (10/?)

Andrew takes legal action against the Spears and Neil is a “feral dumpster raccoon lawyer”. Really, it’s just Andrew having gay thoughts for 10 chapters straight. And can you blame him? Neil with a man bun. Neil with piercings and tattoos. Neil in a suit. 

6. I Beg You, Whisper My Name Like A Prayer by Louie__TheLonely (4/?)

Picture this. Highschool AU. Neil and Andrew are best friends. They are horribly gay for each other. And horribly oblivious. I AM OBSESSED.

7. Neil Fights The Foxes by This_Witch_Writes (10/12)

Neil picking fights when the Foxes treat Andrew badly? Yes, please. I am a whore for protective Neil. Be warned, there’s some triggering stuff in later chapters. Check tags and stay safe <3

8. Let’s make things interesting by Nico4undead (16/?)

Enter the Minyard-Josten rivalry. That’s it. That’s the whole thing.

9. Innominate by Major_816 (18/74)

Neil gets sold to the Moriyamas, but ends up with Ichirou instead of Riko. Now he’s a badass crime lord working undercover at Palmetto. Get ready for heartwrenching angst and heartwarming found family. I cannot express how obsessed I am.

10. In Which Neil Josten Is A PR Nightmare by CoverYourEyes (16/?)

Eve has the (mis)fortune of working as Neil Josten’s PR manager during the Minyard-Josten rivalry. Otherwise known as: Neil is ungovernable.

11. Tell Me How You Hate Me by Killingmeslowly_24 (that’s me !!) (3/18)

I can’t make a fic list without including my child. So, it’s TKM from Andrew’s POV. Andrew is absolutely feral for Neil, and he’s seriously in denial. It’s so much fun to write. Also!! we get the Nicky content we deserve!! Nicky as an adoring cousin!! (and is that Renee/Allison I see on the horizon? It is? 0.0)

The Oneshot Fics

They’re short, they might be sweet, and rest assured: they’re amazing.

1. Just Because I Can by NikNak22

Am I obsessed with this writer? maybe. Bro it’s 5+1, Neil pranking the Foxes and the Foxes pranking Neil back. Amazing, hilarious, I love it.

2. A Yellow Made Out Of Gray by thelessiknow

5 times Neil sees his friends feel loved + 1 time Neil feels loved. That’s it. That’s the fic. It’s just as fluffy and perfect as it sounds.

3. stay (you don’t have to go) by Major_816

Ohhhh boy. This one. It breaks me. Andriel highschool AU, they meet on a suicide prevention forum. So... major TW. It destroyed me, I’m not going to lie.

4. One day we’ll reveal the truth by allyasavedtheday

LOCKED FIC, YOU NEED AN AO3 ACCT TO READ !!

Aaron doesn’t trust Neil’s intentions, so Andrew tells him to watch how they interact. Cue the fluff.

5. Scribbles and Sticky Notes by Fortheloveofexy

I am so sorry in advance. Post-canon, Neil starts leaving sticky notes out for Andrew. Sweet things or reminders, whatever. Andrew saves them all. AND THEN YOU CRY !!

6 (and 7). goodbye, family. and don’t say goodbye by queenDay05

Neil knows his countdown is ending, so he records a video. The Foxes can’t find Neil, but they do find his goodbye. Absolutely soul crushing.

8. just a footnote by Anonymous

Kevaaron, they’re friends with benefits. Aaron is in love and not handling it well. Fluff and smut, so much mutual pining. One of my favorite oneshots ever.

Well! That was a wonderful little distraction, uhhhh.... expect an update by the end of the week? Life’s been... shit, honestly and I haven’t had the energy to write. 

Take care of yourselves, my loves <3

[kevindayisafrog]

Jerejean because I fucking love them, okay 🧎‍♀️

TW - anxiety, injuries and hints at past abuse

“Hi, I’m Jeremy Knox, team Captain and I’m here to pick you up”, Jeremy stuck his hand out with the widest grin he could muster whilst being glared at by the new recruit. He took in Jean’s bandages covering his neck and snaking down his shirt, the ends poking through his shirtsleeves. His eyes were sunken and he had the darkest eye bags Jeremy had ever seen. “Yes, I know. We’ve met before at games”, Jean slapped the offered hand away and shifted his duffel bag to his other shoulder. “Here, let me get that”, Jeremy made to grab the bag, but his quick step forward made Jean recoiled back so fast he tripped backwards onto the pavement. Jeremy swooped down and quickly caught the taller boy before he slammed completely onto the ground. “I’m so sorry, I wasn’t thinking”, he carefully pulled Jean back upright and took a large step back. “Just get me out of here”, Jean’s cheeks were burning red as he clutched the bag’s straps with a white knuckled grip. Jeremy nodded and blushed as he quickly turned on his heel to lead Jean away from the airport towards his car. “You can throw it in the back”, Jeremy unlocked the car and popped open the boot, stepping back as Jean literally threw the bag in. He heard the passenger door slam shut as he closed the boot door and let out a shaky sigh, “lord, give me strength”, he muttered as he made his way to the driver’s side, plastering a wide smile back on as he got into the car. “By the time we get back your new kit would’ve arrived, so we can go there first to try it on or wait until you’ve put your stuff in the dorm”, Jeremy started the car and tapped his fingers on the wheel as he waited for Jean to answer, “you’re sharing with me”, he continued when he was met with stony silence. Jean grunted and stared out his window, watching the airport fade into the distance and a long strip of road replaced it. “Do you mind if I turn on the radio?”, Jeremy looked over at Jean who just shrugged his shoulders and rested his head against the window. Jeremy nodded and turned back to watch the road as he blindly plugged in his phone and turned it up. They sat in silence as Jeremy’s road playlist filled the car with an array of mixed genres until Jean grunted and turned his head to shoot him a death glare. “I cannot listen to this shit, you have a terrible taste in music”, Jean picked up the phone and skipped through a load of songs before settling on a Mother Mother one, “this’ll do”, he muttered as he settled back in his seat. Jeremy smiled to himself and turned the volume up again as he watched Jean bop his head in his peripheral vision.

“Home sweet home”, Jeremy unlocked the dorm door and stepped aside to let Jean through first. “The walls are yellow”, Jean looked around himself and glared at Jeremy in disgust, “and the carpet is green, it doesn’t match”. Jeremy huffed a laugh and dropped Jean’s duffel bag just inside the door. “Do you want to see the bedroom? Oh, you have the bottom bunk by the way”, he lead Jean into the bedroom with pink walls and a purple carpet stained with coffee he dropped in his freshman year. “Your color scheme makes my eyes burn”, Jean looked around the room and quietly muttered: “at least it’s not red or black”. Jeremy glanced at him sideways until he noticed Jean watching, “anyway, the bathroom is just off the side and the kitchen is back through the lounge. Do you need anything to eat or drink?” Jean shook his head and sat down on his bed, “I need my bag”. Jeremy frowned before turning and quickly leaving the room to grab the bag. “I’ll leave you to freshen up, I’ll just be in the kitchen making lunch”, Jeremy carefully placed the bag on the floor and left the room, quietly closing the door behind him.

Jeremy hummed and swayed his hips as he poured pasta into two bowls, throwing pieces of spinach on top. He leaned over the food and turned the dial on the radio to blare the music as he danced over to the fridge, pulling out a carton of orange juice. “Jesus wanking Christ”, Jeremy gasped, bending over and clutching his chest. Jean stood in the doorway silently with his arms crossed and a blush burning his ears a dark red, “you looked like an idiot”. Jeremy nodded his head as he straightened back up, “well I would’ve been a dead idiot, Christ, you scared the shit out of me”. A small smile tugged at the corner of Jean’s lips, sending an odd flutter through Jeremy’s chest. “Anyway, I made pasta for lunch..and orange juice”, Jeremy smiled a toothy grin and held the juice triumphantly above his head. “I said I didn’t want to eat”, Jean looked over at the pasta and frowned, “and that portion could feed the whole team”. Jeremy looked at the bowls piled high with food and waved his hand dismissively, “it’s good for you so it doesn’t matter, do you mind grabbing the glasses from the cupboard above the sink?” He balanced the orange juice, two forks and both bowls in his hands as he slowly passed Jean in the doorway and walked over to the dining table in the lounge. He placed the bowls at opposite chairs and took a seat. “Why do you only have three glasses if this a dorm for four people?”, Jean’s thick accent curved around the door and left a hot chill running down Jeremy’s spine. “Um...I always drop glasses and bowls, I have butter fingers”, he replied, picking up his fork and twirling it between his fingers. “I grabbed the two without scratches”, Jean walked over to the table and settled onto his chair, pushing the orange juice towards Jeremy who poured it into their glasses. “Do you like the dorm?”, Jeremy shoveled his food into his mouth and spoke through it. “Christ, you have no manners”, Jean grimaced and gently ate a mouthful. Jeremy smiled openly and quickly closed his mouth as Jean looked away in disgust. “Sorry”, he laughed as he swallowed the food, stabbing a large amount onto his fork, “you didn’t answer me”. Jean rolled his eyes and took a sip of his juice, “I hate the colors and the mattress is too thin...I hope the court will be more..”, he twirled his wrist as he thought of the word, biting his bottom lip as he did so. Jeremy took a sip of his drink to hide the annoying blush that crept along his cheeks. “Pleasing? Is that the word? I don’t know”, Jean shrugged and took another bite of pasta, tapping his fingers against his glass. “You’ve been on the court when you came to play us a few years ago”, Jeremy cocked his head to the side as he pulled his fidgeting knee up to his chest. “Yes well, I’ve never been on your side, have I?”, Jean looked out of the dorm window and watched a flick of seagulls squawk past.

“Do you know what you want to study here?”, Jeremy rested his chin on his knee as he played with the last bit of food in his bowl. Jean looked down at his bowl and hummed as he thought, “i have always wanted to be an architect..”, his voice was quiet as placed down his fork and pushed his bowl aside. “Take it as a subject then, there’s nothing stopping you”, Jeremy tapped his foot against the floor as he took in Jean’s sudden vulnerable posture, “why do you want to be an architect?” Jean shrugged and took another sip of his drink, “I’ve always wanted to make better buildings that are accessible for everyone”, he scratched his thigh and smiled a childish lopsided grin, “and you know those benches that are anti-homeless? I’ve always wanted to demolish them and make comfier ones that are for homeless only and not public use. I’d only make them for temporary use though whilst I make little homes or apartment blocks that are free for people who can’t afford homes or need shelter”. Jeremy felt his heart burst as he wrapped his arms around his knee, “that’s a really sweet idea, I love it”. Jean cleared his throat and straightened his back, “yes, well it might be impossible so..”. Jeremy frowned and shook his head, “I don’t think it is, I think that you’ll be able to pull it off. I believe in you”, he smiled widely at Jean before standing up and collecting the dishes, “I’ll wash these and then we can head to the court”. Jean nodded quietly and stared down at his hands as Jeremy left the room and turned the radio back on.

[aftgficrec]

have you got any good renee/jean fics? it doesn’t have to focus on them specifically (and it can be platonic or romantic)- as a renee and jean shipper i’m starved haha

Also do you have any recs for fics that explore renee’s back story? it’s touched on in canon but i’d love to read more about her, thanks

Sorry you are starved for content, anon! We’ll do what we can, but as you’ve already noted, most fics with a Jean and Renee pairing or friendship have them in the background.

There is more for Renee as Natalie than I can squeeze into this ask. Try this: on AO3 select the All for the Game Fandom. Filter for character: Renee Walker, and type Natalie into the ‘search within results’ field. We show an example of this here. -A

also see:

jean/renee here

‘under the cotton candy sky’ here

‘Summer Solstice’ and ‘“Could you be any louder?”’ here (see the art in this ask and also here)

‘Oh Raven’ (background jeremy/jean/allison/renee) and ‘Raven to Fox’ here

‘won't let you fall apart’ here (allikat)

‘Together Away’ here

‘Dog in the manger’ here (discontinued)

‘Bang Slash Click’ here (updated, background allison/jean/renee)

renee & jean friendship

‘Your humble and silky life’ and ‘In My Defense, I Have None’ (completed, mutual friend group) here

‘make me a cradle, hold me instead’ here

‘A Purplish Blue’ here

‘To Be Certain We'll Be Tall Again’ here (completed)

‘Shield for a Heart’ here

‘He Could Taste the Stars’ here

‘The Gracekeepers’ (completed) and ‘God is a Woman’ (siblings) here

‘Force of Nature - English Version’ here (updated)

‘Haunt me’ here

‘Staring at the Sun’ here (updated)

renee’s past/bamf!renee

renee-centric here

renee as neil’s sister here (‘Everything That Is, Casts A Shadow,’ updated, has renee & jean)

‘The Years of John Doe’ here, and ‘if they try to take you away, they will lose’ (companion scene of Baltimore from renee’s pov) here

‘say you'll never harden to the world’ here

‘Whole Lotta Murder’ (assassins) and ‘Drunken Hecklers Deserve To Get Stabbed’ here (this whole series has bits of natalie)

‘Redemption’ here (updated, renee talks about her past and teaches neil to spar; also tagged as jean/renee so subscribe and watch that develop!)

‘You be the one with the most to lose tonight’ here

‘Nirvana’ here (discontinued but has a lot of natalie)

‘Deadly Class AU’ Part 4 here

‘Plaster’ here

‘No Mourners, No Funerals’ (six of crows) here

‘Monsters on the Top Floor’ (bamf but a very secondary character) here

‘If I Don't Keep Up My Light’ here (glimpses of darker renee)

‘yesterday (was hard on all of us)’ (bamf) here

‘This is the Way the World Ends’ (secret agents) here

jean/renee (mostly background)

Where The Wild Things Are by justadreamfox [Rated T, 27051 Words, Complete, 2022]

Andrew’s life is just fine. He’s got a brother he mostly doesn’t hate, a job he actually loves, his platonic soulmate Kevin, and a tiny mountain town he calls home.

So what if some people get two soulmates? Andrew already has everything he never thought he could have….and yet, he’s about to get so much more than he bargained for.

tw: self harm, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: homophobia, tw: alcohol

Gimme a Kiss and I'll Kiss You Right Back by Willow_bird [Rated T, 16400 Words, Complete, 2022]

Kevin Day has been Jeremy's crush since his first year at Palmetto State University. Which is fine, totally fine, definitely fine. He's managing excellently, thank you very much. Well, he was - until one very eventful Thursday right before Valentine's Day…

All for the Game Prompt Fills (drabbles+oneshots) by Marmeladeskies [Rated T, Collection, Updated 2019]

Chapter 39: phone calls (Renee/Jean) (671 Words)

Renee, 11:34

hi Jean :) How are you doing? Are you having a good summer?

renee & jean friendship

Trop Lumineux by incipimus [Rated T, 3842 Words, Complete, 2016]

If Renee Walker is a diamond, then Jeremy Knox is the sun.

tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: ptsd

I Think We Could Do It If We Tried by thelessiknow [Rated G, 692 Words, Complete, 2022]

Jean never thought the day would come where he became a father. Panic ensues.

All for the Game Prompt Fills (drabbles+oneshots) by Marmeladeskies [Rated T, Collection, Updated 2019]

Chapter 25: Reasons why Riko Moriyama deserved to die. (1168 Words)

It’s been a year, and they are drawn together like some kind of gravity is working its power on them. Some sick force, pulling them together by their bad memories, their trauma, their common denominator.

tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: alcohol

i really love jean and renee’s friendship by @rinfangs [Tumblr, 2017]

- jean and renee are both eachother’s number one on speed dial, and this never changes. they both set it that way right before jean left for the trojans and their reasoning is when shit burns down, who do i want to talk to?

jean and renee just. chilling, having a fun time prompt fill by @scottishsafehouse [Tumblr, 2018]

For the first time in six years, Jean and Renee were living in the same city at the same time. That hadn’t happened since the months Jean spent camped out in Palmetto immediately after Renee had stolen him from the Nest.

renee’s past/bamf!renee

i tried (to be a good person) by Intangibel (duskbutterfly) [Rated M, 6284 Words, Incomplete, Updated Jan 2022]

What if Renee had gotten involved before Neil went to Evermore? What if she'd leaned into her past as Natalie to help Andrew and to execute brutal justice against Riko? What if Neil hadn't provoked the Master but had slipped back into Nathaniel to survive the Nest and give Riko a taste of just how much of an amateur he is by comparison? There will be blood spilled to ring in the new year, but who's will depend on so many things...

Content Notes: MCD will not be any of the Foxes. The only mentions of rape/non-con will be brief references to Drake or Andrew's past. Dr. Proust does not abuse Andrew, nor are the Ravens sexually abusive towards Neil.

tw: dark, tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: minor character death, tw: torture, tw: blood/gore, tw: imprisonment, tw: verbal abuse, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon

where theres water (you'll drown down in it) by RhymeReason [Rated T, 2346 Words, Complete, 2021]

[“Junior.” Nathaniel’s father said. He rested his heavy hand upon Nathaniel’s shoulder. “This is Natalie Shields. She will be your new trainer.”]

AKA an AU where Renee's gang is affiliated with Nathan's and she is brought on to help with Neil when he is a child

tw: mild violence, tw: blood, tw: implied/referenced drug use

Nightmares by eyes_like_a_miracle [Rated G, 1660 Words, Complete, 2017]

Most people mistook Renee for a perfect person. Allison knew better.

Art

Renee & Jean friendship art by @cielly-art

Renee and Jean by @plagalkey

Jean Moreau & Renee Walker. Friends, survivors, effulgent. moodboard by @f-xholecourt

Rene ‹----- Natalie art by @kesha.akril on instagram

gang member Renee art by @scarecrux

[kitkatartstuff-moved]

[Tap for better quality!! 🧡]

AHHH HELLO ITS FINALLY DONE!!! A big group photo based off of this post by @deus-ex-knoxina !!! I added little interview excerpts if y’all want to read them! They might be ooc tho,,,,

Instagram

An Interview with the Day-Josten-Minyard trio

Koam: Many were shocked by your revelation last month. I myself must admit I was taken by surprise!

Neil: Yes well, I will say it came as a surprise to me as well. I remember one day in the locker room, Kevin told me [imitates kevin] it will be easier to remain heterosexual. [Kevin rolls his eyes and Andrew scoffs] Ironic, considering where we are now.

Kevin: [chuckling] Well was I wrong? I was speaking from experience after all. On a more serious note, many athletes in the LGBTQ community face this issue. Even in today’s society, people like us are still under a lot of pressure and scrutiny.

Koam: Oh, that’s a very good point. You three have been the talk of exy fans everywhere for the past few years! Lately a lot of fans have been taking an interest to Andrew.

Andrew: My main reason for playing this stupid sport is these two idiots over here. Someone has to make sure they don’t hurt themselves. Especially Neil. He almost got red carded 4 times.

Neil: Harkey was full of shit, you know it, I know it, hell, he probably knows it too. I didn’t say anything but the truth.

Andrew: Your mouth runs faster than you do, and that’s saying something.

Neil: Anyways, don’t let him fool you, I’m sure he finds some enjoyment. He loved pissing off Bryant. 

Kevin: I’m pretty sure the whole team did. He wasn’t exactly likable.

Andrew: This is exactly what I mean, someone needs to make sure they don’t start another shitshow on Twitter.

————-

An interview with Sara Alvarez and Laila Dermott

Koam: I hear that you two have been together since college! How was your former team with your relationship?

Laila: The Trojans? Oh they were really cool about it. Very supportive. They were so oblivious when it came to Jeremy and Jean though. It was hysterical.

Sara: Jeremy was having a crisis. Even Jean with his whole stone face thing was getting a little irritated.

Koam: I see... Were they not supportive of Jeremy and Jean?

Sara: Oh, no that’s not it at all. The Trojans as a whole are very sweet and supportive, but we’re all idiot jocks at heart.

Laila: [snickering] Jean would kill you if her heard that.

Sara: Laila, He almost used the word bro while crying over his math homework. And he hangs around Jeremy all the time, it’s gonna happen if it hasn’t already.

Laia: Fair enough. You know, maybe the team was just too in love with Jeremy to accept him being in a relationship.

Sara: Oh yeah, there was that one guy who joined because he had a crush on him.

Laila: Didn’t he say he joined for his a-

Sara: AMAZING FOOTWORK. YES. Ahem. Jeremy is very good with his feet.

[Laughter]

————

An Interview with Jeremy Knox and Jean Moreau

Koam: So how was everything with you? I’m sure you two got your fair share of things to deal with after the championship game.

Jeremy: I suppose? We haven’t been very active on social media lately... Or at least I haven’t. 

Jean: I haven’t either. Things have been a little bit hectic recently.

Koam: Understandable. Forgive me if I am overstepping... But how was the transfer? I heard there was a huge scandal a few years back with the Ravens.

Jean: The Ravens were... strict to say the least. Hell, strict is an understatement. The transfer to the Trojans certainly wasn’t easy, but the Trojans surprised me. In a good way for the most part. The Ravens were very cut-throat, and you were only as good as your ability on the court. Dating as a whole was off limits, and homosexuality was even worse. But the Trojans were all about rest, and support. The final three years I spent there have helped me tremendously. And of course, Jeremy. Mon soleil.

Jeremy: [beaming] Jean adjusted really well. Some of the other team members were pretty intimidated by him though, I mean Toame compared him to Darth Vader. He’s really amazing when you get to know him. He cares a lot, you can see it if you actually look. [smiling at Jean]

Jean: [pecking him on the cheek with a smile] That I do.

[codename-adler]

Kevin Day and his Oblivious Literature Lover, pt. VII

Happy Birthday, Kevin. I’m so glad you exist. We all are. Here, I give to you friendship, love and care. You’re gonna get through this, I promise. ♥️

>> Table of Contents, TW and other parts are here!

Jean leaves

after their game against the Trojans, Kevin says goodbye to Jeremy Knox, and to Jean

Kevin feels heavy, he feels torn, and sad and scared, because he’s alone once again

and he’s afraid he’ll never see Jean again, that whatever they managed to have hear in Palmetto was their unofficial “break up” and that Jean will never speak to him again

Jean had cried, he’d begged, he didn’t want to go, he didn’t want to be abandoned again, he didn’t want to be away from Kevin again

but Jeremy Knox had somehow worked his magic, and Jean had genuinely (well, as genuine as one can be after the Nest) accepted Jeremy’s offer, and even chose to move immediately to South California with him instead of waiting for the summer

Kevin hoped it wasn’t in an attempt to put as much distance between them and more because Jean was on his way to healing, even if it was away from him

they had hugged one last time, in Abby’s guest room, and poured everything they felt for each other in their embrace

they both knew things would be different from now on

they knew it would be hard, and painful

they knew the healing would be slow, that nasty things would resurface

but in that moment, they didn’t care

“Jean… Jean listen to me,” Kevin whispered in Jean’s ear. “Hell is over. You got through it. You got out. You’ll be safe, now, okay? I know- I know we have to process things… Take your time. Rely on Jeremy. Rely on your team. The Trojans are great. And I’m not just talking about Exy. Okay, Jean? You’ll be safe now. You’ll be far away from all this mess. And if there is anything, anything, Jean, you call me. I’ll be there. I don’t care why or how; I’ll be there for you, Jean.”

they held on tighter to each other, tears silently streaming down their faces

Kevin cradled the back of Jean’s head as Jean clutched Kevin’s shirt in his fist

they had to let go, they had to, and yet…

I care for you. I love you. I do. I’ll always love you.

words left unsaid, barely exchanged in a look, barely understood in their eyes

words that had never held any meaning to them, words they’d never heard, words they’d never said

they weren’t about to start saying them now, but their presence was strong

But this is goodbye, for now.

they let go

Jean leaves

Jean is gone

none of the Foxes know what’s happened, but they do feel the consequences

and it doesn’t help that their next and ultimate game is against the Ravens, at Edgar Allen, their last chance at winning Championships, at beating the odds and their nemesis

Kevin is a huge fucking asshole all week

he can’t seem to help it

he lashes out, he fights, he drinks…

he’s obsessed, he’s panicking, he’s a monster

the high of helping Jean has worn off, the high of their win against the Trojans has worn off

fear is all that’s left

Wymack has to forcefully bring him to Betsy at 6 AM when he finds Kevin at the court, having passed the whole night practicing, even after Neil and Andrew left around 3 AM

Kevin is shaking all over in his chair

Betsy doesn’t offer hot cocoa

Kevin doesn’t want to be here, never did, never will

Betsy has to thread carefully, has to approach him from the right angle

“How is Jean settling in at USC?” she calmly asks

“We’re not talking about Jean,” Kevin spits back immediately

“Okay. What are we talking about?”

“We’re not talking.”

“That’s alright. I’ll talk for a bit, then. As your designated therapist, your health is under my care as much as it is under Abby’s and David’s. What this means is, my word weights as much as theirs when it comes to who plays, and who doesn’t. Exy has been good for you, Kevin. Exy is good for a lot of you, actually. However, what my professional advice would be, in your case, is that you are to be forbidden from playing this last game against Edgar Allen.”

Kevin gasps

Before he can unleash the thousands of obscenities on the tip of his tongue, Betsy raises a calm hand to hold him off

“I won’t do that. I should, but I won’t. Ultimately, not playing would aggravate your mental state more than facing Edgar Allen and pushing yourself past your limits. You need this. You need closure. You need proof. In my opinion, it won’t solve your problems, it won’t solve your traumas, your alcoholism, your PTSD, your anxiety, your anger issues, and I’m being brief. But this is something you want to do, and I understand its importance. So I won’t be interfering.”

Kevin scoffs, uncooperative

“But hear this, Kevin: at the rate you’re going, you are not going to win this game. You’re not. You’re going to break, you’re going to lose, and then you won’t be getting back up. This? Right now? This is your point of no return.”

Kevin gapes at her

he can’t believe the words that just came out of Betsy’s mouth

not because they are cruel, or unprofessional, or harmful

it’s because they are true

Kevin finds that her words resonate in him, like the echoes of a desperate cry for help within himself

Kevin doesn’t cry, because he can’t, he doesn’t remember how to

he does however go into full-blown panic

without a bottle in his clutch 

it’s bad

it’s really bad

he hears half the words Betsy says next

“Kevin, this is a panic attack. You know this, this is familiar. Don’t be afraid of it, you are not going to die. Not on my watch. I’m going to hold you now, okay? Do I have your permission?”

Kevin nods frantically as he chokes on air

Betsy gets up to come sit beside Kevin on the couch and takes him in her arms

she buries his head over her shoulders and crosses her arms behind his back; without rocking as to not increase the nausea, Betsy begins squeezing Kevin every three seconds, raising her shoulders everytime to encourage him to breathe

“One, two, three, in, Kevin. One, two, three, out, Kevin.”

the pressure of her arms and her deep, motherly voice bring Kevin down from his attack after a good twenty minutes

“I’m going to release you now, Kevin, okay? Can I let go of you?”

Kevin slowly nods, his eyes fixated on a point behind Betsy’s back

she doesn’t even have the time to sit back down on her own chair, though, before Kevin pulls a Neil and sprints out of her office

Wymack can’t even catch up to him

he runs, and runs, and runs

his feet should take him to his dorm, to the alcohol cabinet, or even to the court, to his gear

they don’t

he stops running right in front of Jackie Hall

rationally, Kevin knows classes start at 8:30, that Jules has been getting back in class progressively, that she was slowly getting back on her feet

irrationally, Kevin fears she won’t be there, or that she will, but in pieces on the floor, or that she won’t want to see him, or that she’ll know, or that-

his feet take him inside nonetheless

in a haze, he once again faces door 418

he doesn’t realize he’s knocked until his fist meets the air when the door opens

he woke up Jules, and she looks like it; eyes puffed from sleep, bonnet half off, naked feet

“Kev? Wha- You’re here. Why are you here? Are you- Are you okay? Why are you dressed like that?”

Kevin looks down, at his Exy clothes

his Exy clothes

Shit.

“Okay, no, it’s too early for this. Come on, don’t just stand there. Go shower. I’ll be there after, yeah?” she says as she ushers him inside her dorm room

but Kevin can’t seem to move, now that he has stopped

so Jules grabs two of his fingers and pulls him inside

which then pulls Kevin out of his apathy

“I don’t- I can’t- I-,” he tries

“Do I need to call someone? Are you in danger?” Jules panics a little bit

“N-No… I- Clothes… It’s all I have…” Kevin explains with difficulty

“Oh.”

Jules locks the door behind them and goes to her bed, only to pull out a pile of clothes from under the corner pillow

she brings them to Kevin

“You left this last time you were here… I figured if you didn’t ask for it back, it’d be more useful here in case… Well… You know… That,” she explains, a bit embarrassed

Kevin furrows his eyebrows, he looks like he is on the verge of crying

he doesn’t, of course he doesn’t, but if he could…

he gently takes the clothes and locks himself in the joint bathroom, without a word

Jules is left standing there, still shocked, nervous, overwhelmed…

she quickly undresses herself while Kevin is out of the room, puts on some more decent clothes that what he is used to see her in, washes her face in the tiny sink and fixes her hair for the day

she gets cold as she waits for Kevin, and pulls on a red polo sweater, the only one she has left that doesn’t need to be washed

she waits for Kevin on her bed

Kevin comes out of the bathroom at last, black sweatpants, black shirt, white socks on

he’s clutching his Exy uniform in his arms, close to his chest, close to his heart

Jules gets up to go fetch them two granola bars, the only two she has left of her oh so spare groceries

Kevin looks at it as if she’d handed him a live kitten

he gets that pained look again

“Are you sure that’s okay…?” he asks her

“Yeah, I’m sure. You need it, Kevin. Eat,” she answers him

she sits down on the floor and invites him to do the same

they eat in silence, Jules watching his every moves

Kevin barely nibbles at his bar

“Kevin… Tell me,” Jules finally speaks

and he can’t hold it in anymore

he tells her everything

everything.

from Betsy’s emergency session this morning all the way back to his mom’s death

and everything in between

Riko. The Nest. Exy. His hand. The Foxes. Thea. The alcohol. Andrew. Neil. The mafia. Jean, again, honestly this time.

everything.

it lasts for hours

or so they think

turns out the sun has barely been up for an hour when Kevin finally closes his mouth, emptied of all his bad history 

Jules has bitten the skin off of her lips, but has stayed put where she sat next to him nonetheless, through it all

after a while, breaking the heavy silence, Jules asked the only question one could ask after such a story

“What do you need, Kev?”

what did he need, indeed…

“I- Help me…” was the only answer he could think of

it chilled Juliet to her core

she couldn’t

she couldn’t do that

she was a mess

she didn’t have the strength

she was falling apart at the seams

“Kevin, I- Look at me… Look at my life… I am the last person you want help from… I can’t hold you up like that… I can’t be your anchor…”

she was on the verge of crying, too

but she could cry for real

it took her everything not to

Kevin blamed himself relentlessly

“No, no, no, no… I’m not- I just want… Someone,” Kevin tried to explain

Kevin took a deep breath, getting ready to confess

“I can’t do therapy. I can’t do it. Not alone. I just can’t. I hate is so fucking much. I can’t do it alone.”

Jules understood

her eyes widened in surprise

“You want to do… Joined therapy? With me?”

“Yes.”

“Why.”

“I can’t talk to her… I can’t talk to Betsy. I don’t know how to. I don’t even want to. But you… I can talk to you. I want to talk to you. But I can’t do that to you. We need an outlet. Hence, you, Betsy, and me… The dream team,” Kevin chuckled sadly

it made no sense

it was unconventional, unheard of

it was playing with fire, playing with their traumas

“Okay,” she said

“Okay?” he asked in disbelief

“Okay.”

---

and so they walked back to Betsy’s office, together

Betsy is quite surprised, to say the least

not that Kevin came back

but that he came back willingly, with a plan and desire to get better, and accompanied

before agreeing to Kevin’s deal, however, she has conditions of her own

“One: these sessions are to be once a week, and more if I deem it necessary, no arguing. Two: No more alcohol. You go sober or nothing of this will work. Three: As soon as this Exy season is over, you are to be put on antidepressants. Again, meds mean sobriety.”

Kevin nods, somber but willing to try

“Also: we will all sign a contract to prevent any more harm and to clarify the conditions under which these sessions are to take place. It will be a bit different, as you are not family, or a couple, but we can make this work.”

Juliet and Kevin consent

“One last thing: I will need a full session alone with you, Juliet. I have to evaluate you, evaluate if you are not a threat to Kevin’s well-being, and if Kevin is not a threat to yours. We also need to get to know each other, I’m sure you’d like to know who you’ll be dealing with, yeah? I promise I’m not usually so serious. Would that be okay with you, Juliet?” 

Juliet nods on her own, before she is hit with a heavy realization

“Ma’am- Doctor- I- I don’t have the money. I can’t. I should’ve thought about it sooner. I’m sorry, I didn’t think,” Jules apologizes

“Oh, that won’t be a problem, dear. I’m funded by the Palmetto Foxes. And believe me or not, they don’t use my services as much as they should. Right, Kevin? Besides, Kevin needs this. I need Kevin to do this. And I have a strong feeling you need this too. I assure you, money will not be a problem,” Betsy responds

“But… I’m not a- a Fox…”

“Oh, trust me, dear. You’re a Fox alright. Just not on a court.”

[91percentpynch]

Jerejean headcanons you can take out of my cold dead hands

feel free to add more <33 i will make a seperate post that will focus on their post usc days and that will be less messy (hopefully)

when jeremy hugs jean he places his head on jean’s heart, because he loves the sound of his boyfriend’s strong heartbeat

jean is a sex repulsed asexual due to trauma and jeremy accepts that because clearly sex isn’t the most important part in a relationship

jean‘s pronouns are he/ they, when he told jer jer immeditatly started calling him by them

as soon as jean learned what pride is jer takes him there every single year. after some time people start to recogize them - not because they are famous exy players but because jean‘s outfits and makeup are perfect and he always carries jeremy on their shoulders, where jer is holding their pride flags. and their dogs are with them wearing pride themed collars!!!!

whenever jean suffers under flashbacks, jeremy takes their hand and says “jean, you’re no longer in evermore. we are in *insert place*, i am jeremy knox, i am your boyfriend. riko is dead. they will not come after you. you are free. no one is going to hurt you anymore”

jean is the little spoon, they loves being hold by jeremy, because they feel like the other boy “keeps their broken pieces together”

due to evermore jean cannot be alone, so jeremy goes everywhere with them

jeremy taught jean the true meaning of love

they cuddle a lot

jean had to learn how to show emotions, and until this day they will only ever be truly open with jeremy

jean taught jeremy french

jean reads books to jeremy in both english and french, jeremy doesn’t really care about the books he just loves jean’s voice

jeremy sometimes does jean‘s nails

they have a skin care routine

they go on cute dates every weekend (expect when they have games)

some of jean‘s favourite dates include: bookshop dates, study dates, stargazing dates, going to the beach with jer sleeping in their car

they adopted dogs

jeremy forced jean to watch every single disney movie - they loved them

jer and jean always share headphones whenever they‘re on the way to games with their team

big crowds make jean uncomfortable so jer is always holding his hand when they‘re in public and there are too many people around

they never leave the house without the dogs because jeremy knows they make jean feel safe

jean learns how to draw (one of his majors was art - he always loved art but evermore took it from them) and ends up doodeling jeremy all the time

jean also plays the piano and composes songs for jer

jean calls jer his sunshine

jean gives jeremy forhead kisses whenever he has the chance to

jer has to stand on his tiptoes to kiss jean when they don‘t lean down - jean thinks that‘s adorable

jeremy thaught jean how to live

jeremy makes playlists for jean

everytime jeremy goes out without jean (to go grocery shopping or get coffee with his friends - he‘s never gone for too long) he brings jean a new book or something art realted

for their anniversary jer takes jean to his favourite museums

jer proproses to jean on the beach where they kissed for the first time

„you remembered?“, jean says with silent tears running down his cheek

„how could i forget the place where i kissed the love of my life? speaking off: will you do me the honor and become my husband?“

renee walks jean down the aisle to jeremy

they get married on the same beach

jeremy teaches jean spanish (jeremy is hispanic, from argentina) and jean teaches jer french

sometimes on very rare occasions when they fight jeremy will talk spanish and jean will talk french and no understands a word and then they both regret it and they cuddle on the couch

jean loves to draw jeremy

jean also writes poetry, most poems are about jer

in their usc time they share a bed once they become partners

they always need to touch each other, always need to feel the other person, because they make each other feel safe and loved and whole

jeremy is everything bright and warm and happy and jean sometimes feels like he doesn‘t deserve him but jeremy loved jean so much, so so so so much and he cannot think about spending his life with someone else

once the exy days are over they get a farm where they life with a bunch of animals and jean makes art and they are so so so happy

they adopt two kids - a boy and a girl

[nekojitachan]

I’ve forgotten what part this is now. Six? Seven? Anyway, more of the Raven!Andrew soulmate AU.

Last part can be found here.

Ah, mention of someone going through drug withdrawals...

*******

“So, with all the games in, it’s pretty easy to figure out which teams are in the top four of each district,” Nathaniel proclaimed as he peeled his clementine. “Well, if you’re good at math.”

“You’re a freak of nature,” Jean grumbled, much as he did every time Nathaniel brought up his talent for mathematics.

“Oh, so you don’t want me to help you study for that Trig final?” Neil grinned when his partner tossed his own clementine at the smart-ass. “As I was saying, it’s pretty easy to figure out who’s in the top four. Naturally, we’re in the lead for the northeastern district and overall in the division.”

“What a surprise,” Andrew drawled as he pushed his empty plate aside and tried not to stare when his soulmate licked a drop of juice from his right thumb.

Tried not to.

“Hmm, yes, I’m sure no one will be shocked when Tetsuji announces that fact this Saturday at the banquet. Nor will anyone be surprised when they find out that the Trojans are in first place for the southwestern district.” He seemed to be staring straight at Jean as he said that, while his partner was intently focused on aligning his chopstick a certain way on his food tray.

Jean cleared his throat before he spoke. “They are the second-best team in the division.”

“Yes, and their new captain is very talented.”

“He’s… not too bad.”

Andrew suspected that he was missing something – at least until he caught the way Jean’s right hand rubbed over the soulmate mark hidden beneath the sleeve of his shirt; he remembered the backliner telling him that his soulmate played Exy, too. Andrew clicked his tongue as he reached over to steal a slice of Nathaniel’s fruit, which prompted a pout from his own soulmate that wasn’t adorable at all. “Is he as much an asshole as ours?” he asked in French.

“Ple-ah, come on.” A slight flush colored Nathaniel’s cheekbones as he caught himself in time; he’d noticed that Andrew didn’t care for the word ‘please’ and so avoided it in any language he spoke. “He’s a Trojan. He probably doesn’t even know how to spell the word, he’s so good.” He wrinkled his upturned nose at the end as if saying something foul.

“Which is why you’ll never be a Trojan, you little demon,” Jean told his partner.

“I never wanted to be,” Nathaniel declared as he threw a piece of clementine peel across the table.

Andrew propped his chin up on his left palm as he watched the partners squabble, partially distracted as he recalled the Trojan’s captain and starting striker: Jeremy Knox. Hmm, not too bad, though much too smiley for his tastes.

The bickering only stopped when it was time for the team to report for afternoon practice; even with the semester all but over, Tetsuji wasn’t easing up on the Ravens, oh no. Andrew had already been warned that the next semester would be brutal as the Ravens defended their title yet again. He’d deal with the stupidity of the whole ‘must win’ mentality after winter break; first he had to suffer through a little thing like withdrawal, considering that he was headed to some rehab clinic on Wednesday, after his last final.

(On one hand, he got out of the winter banquet. On the other hand, he’d probably be puking his guts out Saturday night. He still preferred skipping the stupid banquet.)

They’d just finished a scrimmage when Riko and Kevin returned from Baltimore, Riko appearing tired and his dark eyes red-rimmed, while Kevin was nervous and wouldn’t look Tetsuji in the eye. Tetsuji said something harsh to them in Japanese that made Nathaniel shift on the bench and Jean mutter in French, then ordered them onto the court for the final scrimmage – against each other.

Andrew didn’t need to be psychic to know it wasn’t going to end well.

“Another bad game last night?” he asked in German.

“They nearly lost,” Nathaniel answered as he watched the disaster unfold. “Kev… was unusually unfocused.”

Kevin Day, Kayleigh Day’s son, raised on Exy and in the Nest, who was one of the best strikers ever (all right, Andrew agreed with his soulmate that the arrogant, tall bastard was the best, not that he’d ever tell Nat that) was ‘unfocused’? Hmm, somehow Andrew suspected that it had to do with the growing rumors that Kevin was holding back because of Riko (was held back because of Riko). Someone took their #2 status a bit too much to heart.

Or they knew how vicious someone could be if they believed their precious status as #1 was threatened….

Not that Andrew gave a shit (he didn’t give a shit about much in general), but a certain soulmate watched on with a stiffening back and clenched fists as Riko, Federov and Johnson slammed Kevin around, as they tripped him up and knocked him down, jabbed the butt of their racquets into his padded ribs while Tetsuji turned a blind eye to it all.

The scrimmage finally ended with Riko’s ‘team’ winning by six points and Kevin on his knees gasping for air; Tetsuji nodded in approval at his smug prick of a nephew. Right away, Nathaniel was on his feet, his blue eyes bright with righteous indignation and cheeks flushed with anger, and actually got a couple steps away from the bench before Andrew realized that the idiot was about to cause a world of trouble.

He managed a word or two of Japanese before Andrew charged forward, grabbed his fool of a soulmate by the waist and heaved him over his shoulder (thankful that Nathaniel was on the lean side). “What the- put me down!”

“Ah, ah, sweetpea, practice is over and now you’re mine.” He nodded to Tetsuji, who gave him that ‘you’re a bug unworthy of my attention’ gaze and smacked Nathaniel’s ass to make him stop squirming. “I told you that you have to listen to what I say, time to reinforce the lessons.” That seemed to prevent Riko from going all ‘king’ on them for disrupting what was technically the last two minutes of practice; the prick laughed and called out suggestions for how Andrew could punish Nathaniel, while Kevin appeared grateful to have the attention turned away from him.

Jean gave Andrew an intent look as he headed for the Nest, but a slight nod from Andrew made him relax; he had to have worried about the trouble Nathaniel was about to drag him into, yet he still wanted to make sure that his partner wasn’t going to be harmed. Andrew would call him a fool, too, but he knew that Jean also considered Kevin a friend.

Scratch that, Jean was indeed a fool.

He smacked Nathaniel’s pert ass again (no, don’t think that) and got a fresh spate of insults for his troubles (in Japanese, of course, since he didn’t know the language – Nathaniel wasn’t a total idiot). Andrew bypassed the locker room and kept on until he found an unlocked door to a suitably uncluttered storage closet (just a few ladders and boxes of lightbulbs); he dumped a squirming Nathaniel onto his feet (more or less) and locked the door behind them.

Nathaniel (as always) was quick to regain his footing; he pulled his disheveled jersey down to cover the bare slip of abdomen then pushed back the damp auburn curls falling onto his flushed face as he glared at Andrew. “What the hell are you thinking?”

Andrew leaned against the locked door as he gazed at his furious soulmate (dammit, did Nathaniel have to look even more gorgeous when he was angry?) “I don’t know,” he drawled as he folded his arms across his chest. “That I was preventing you from doing something stupid enough to earn both you and Jean a bad enough beating that you wouldn’t be able to get out of bed tomorrow? Hmm?”

Mention of his partner made Nathaniel jerk back and then duck his head, the fire in him slowly sputtering out; Andrew would feel bad about that except that he didn’t believe in guilt and that everything he’d said was the truth. “I… dammit, I was trying to protect Kevin,” he said in a quieter voice, the heat of anger all but gone.

“Kevin is a big boy,” Andrew repeated for the fifty-eighth time. “Worry about yourself and Jean.” And him, because he wouldn’t allow Nathaniel to be such a suicidal fool.

Especially when he’d soon be gone for a couple weeks.

Nathaniel was quiet for a moment as he nibbled on his full bottom lip before he shrugged. “But… never mind.” His expression became closed off as he edged toward the other side of the closet, as far away from Andrew as possible.

Over the course of the semester, they had… well, they had grown comfortable in each other’s presence, had let down their guards somewhat. They were able to be close to each other, to spend the night in the same room and actually rest, to have their little jokes, to tease each other… but they still had their secrets, didn’t they? Andrew got most of his knowledge about his soulmate from Jean and others, while Nathaniel… well, he hadn’t told Nathaniel too much, had he?

He clicked his tongue as he dropped his arms to his sides. “Look, why don’t we try something new? You tell me something true, something you’re willing to give up, and I’ll tell you a truth in return.” He gazed at his soulmate steadily, as if he hadn’t offered something so ridiculous, something so… so intimate and… and… and ridiculous.

Yet after a few seconds, Nathaniel smiled and nodded. “Okay. So, uhm, who goes first?”

Andrew slumped against the wall for some reason and let out a slow breath. “You can ask first.”

“Okay.” Nathaniel did more of the lip nibbling thing (which did not help considering that they were enclosed in a small space and Andrew wanted to reach out to pull his soulmate close and- not helping) before he spoke. “Why did you agree to go off to rehab over winter break?”

Oh. Okay, that wasn’t bad. “Because I was put on the drugs against my will, they don’t do shit for me except jerk my emotions around, so I’ll jump at a chance to get off them early.” His grin widened even more as he flashed his hands in the air in a ‘ta-da’ manner. “I know I’m so much fun this way, but hyper Andrew is going bye-bye.”

“I… like you better without them. The drugs. Uhm.” Nathaniel ducked his head again, but not before Andrew caught a hint of blush on his cheeks. “So, your turn?”

Andrew shoved his hands behind his back before he did something stupid (like stroke his fingers over those warm cheeks). “Why are willing to get into so much trouble for Kevin?” Why did he try to step in for someone he barely talked to- was it because they shared the same ugly tattoo?

“Ah.” Nathaniel looked at him again, his expression thoughtful. “You… you’ve only been here a few months,” he said as he toyed with the hem of his Ravens’ jersey. “When I first came here, Riko wasn’t so bad and Kev helped me out a lot, showed me what to do and not to do.”

“Did he get you to keep your mouth shut?”

The slight, amused smile which always made something warm spark inside of Andrew’s chest curled on Nathaniel’s lips at the improbable question. “He tried, but….” Nathaniel gave a one shoulder shrug. “It was the three of us for a while, and then Jean showed up. Even then, all of us were young enough that Riko didn’t pull away entirely, not for another year or two.” His smile faded as he recalled the past. “Then he became determined to make us know our place, to show us the difference between heirs and belongings.” He gave an unconscious rub along his abdomen, which was littered with knife scars.

“Kev still talked to us and tried to help, but the partner bond with Riko gradually grew tighter and he didn’t have much free time to spare. That would have been fine, but the last year or two… well, you’ve seen it,” Nathaniel said as he gazed at Andrew. “Riko treats Kev more like a threat than a partner and brother.”

“So you think you owe it to him to try to defend him?”

Nathaniel shrugged again. “He stepped in for me in the past.”

Andrew slowly reached out to tug on his soulmate’s jersey. “Does Riko take a knife to him if he fights back? Give him to Federov as a treat?” He hated to bring that up, but he’d learned that Nathaniel was so damn stubborn and willing to martyr himself for those he considered friends.

(That  wasn’t familiar at all.)

There was a flash of hurt in those pretty blue eyes for a moment, but Nathaniel didn’t bat his hand away. “No, nothing so permanent for Kevin, unless you count the emotional damage.”

Count on Riko to cover all his options when it came to abuse; Kevin could appear arrogant and confident as hell in front of a camera or out in public, but Andrew had to admit that anymore, he was a quiet presence around his partner when at the Nest.

“Then don’t rush to his defense and give Riko an excuse to hurt another person,” Andrew said as he tugged on his soulmate’s jersey again. “You’re supposed to have some brains, use them for once.” He clicked his tongue then let go.

Nathaniel narrowed his eyes as he straightened his jersey. “And did you think things through when you hauled me into here?”

Andrew was the one to shrug that time. “We’re soulmates and everyone thinks we’re screwing around, sweetpea. I’m sure they’ve ‘figured out’ what we’re up to, and it’s not talking.”

“Well then, we better leave now because I’m sure they expect you to be done by now, hasenfürzchen,” Nathaniel purred as he mussed his hair. “Even with a round two.”

That… Andrew didn’t know what surprised him more, his new nickname (what the hell) or that his soulmate was going along with his little joke. “Don’t forget to limp,” he advised as he unlocked the door. “You know, since I’m so big.”

“Something of yours is certainly huge and needs cut down to size,” Nathaniel muttered as he stomped out into the hall; Andrew noticed that Jean was waiting for his partner, along with a few sniggering Ravens. He ignored them as he went to change out of his Exy gear and shower, only pausing when he spotted Aaron in the red-painted hallway along the way to the locker room.

His twin should be almost done with his shift as Tetsuji’s work study assistant, running errands and doing a bunch of menial office tasks on the weekend. As surly as he’d been when it had started, he soon settled into the job, probably aware of how the experience would reflect well on him when he applied for medical school.

(That and Nicky most likely had given him an earful when he found out about him almost being kicked out of Edgar Allan.)

Aaron had, no big surprise, ignored Andrew at first, but gradually got over his latest fit of temper – especially when he learned that Andrew would spend the winter break coming off his court-ordered medication.

At first, Aaron had yelled at him for leaving him stuck with visiting Nicky and Erik in Germany by himself, in having to put up with the ‘disgusting, love-sick idiots’ all the time. Then he got on Andrew about finding a ‘cheap’ excuse to get out of giving any presents that year. Finally, he sneered and called him a wimp for going the ‘posh clinic route’ for rehab.

Andrew gave him the finger each time and walked away.

That day, Aaron nodded at him, a slight frown on his face. “Didn’t practice end a bit ago?”

“Had to talk to someone about some stuff,” Andrew said as he tugged on his jersey, eager to get out of his sweat-soaked gear.

“Oh.”  Aaron glanced at the stack of envelopes in his arms as if considering something before he huffed. “Everything set for your pampered rock star rehab?”

Andrew rolled his eyes as he gave his brother the finger. “Yes.”

Aaron looked as if he was struggling not to smile (or drop some of the envelopes). “Let’s hope they don’t mix you up with one of the patients in there for a psych evaluation. We’ll never see you again, then.”

“Fuck off,” Andrew told him without any heat. “And bring back the good chocolates with the alcohol in them.”

“Sure I will, they’ll just all be for me,” Aaron taunted as he walked away.

Why couldn’t Andrew be an only child?

Why couldn’t he have a ‘get out of mass homicide’ card; when he joined Nathaniel and Jean in the dining hall, Federov, Johnson and several other assholes let out loud catcalls over their ‘quickie’. Andrew took one look at the too-blank look on his soulmate’s face then the barely suppressed delight on Jean’s and inwardly sighed. “I’m not a big fish.” Nor was he a rabbit.

Nathaniel eyed him up and down as if mentally deciding how best to fillet him. “Not gonna stop me from removing your spine in one piece while you’re still breathing.”

“Guess you didn’t do a good job, did you?” Jean taunted before he sipped his green tea. “Need to work on your stamina, yes?”

“Fuck you,” Andrew said with a wide grin as he eyed his yet again healthy (meaning bland and disgusting) dinner.

“I thought you got it all out of your system for the day.”

“Enough,” Nathaniel called out as he snatched the green apple from Andrew’s tray (he was more than welcome to have it, especially if it got him to stop threatening bodily harm). “Or I’ll gut you both.”

Andrew and Jean snorted at the threat, but focused on eating (choking down their food) regardless. As soon as they were done, they went to the backliners’ room to study for their upcoming finals; Andrew’s were crammed into the next three days, while Jean and Nathaniel had the rest of the week. Normally, Andrew wasn’t concerned about his grades, but the Ravens had to maintain a certain GPA as part of their ‘perfect’ image. Even Nathaniel, who was still in high school and taking online classes (and was expected to pursue a pro career, just like Jean), couldn’t let his grades slip past a certain point.

The next couple days were a busy blur for Andrew, were rushing from one final to the next amidst practices and study sessions. Despite the hectic schedule, he did make the time to reinforce an important fact with a few Ravens such as Federov: he would only be gone for a short while, and at no point during his absence should they dare assume that Nathaniel was fair game. There were some dented lockers, broken noses and black eyes by the time he was done reminding the bastards of that fact, but everyone could still play Exy so Riko and Tetsuji couldn’t bitch (too much).

“I don’t know why they let you get away with it and not me,” Nathaniel grumbled while he watched Andrew pack a duffel bag with a few personal items; he’d finished his last final that morning and would be driven to the rehab clinic in another ten minutes by Akagi.

“Because I’m universally adored.” Andrew narrowed his eyes and batted aside the pair of socks he’d just dropped into the bag which his soulmate had picked up and thrown at him. “Not nice. See, that’s why they don’t let you get away with shit.”

“I think you’re being checked in for your lying problem.” Nathaniel sat perched on the edge of Andrew’s bed, his expression guarded.

“What lying problem?” When Nathaniel didn’t say anything, Andrew zipped the bag closed and dared to reach out to lift his soulmate’s chin to make their eyes meet. “I don’t lie to you.” Not about anything important.

Nathaniel was quiet for a few seconds, then he nibbled on his bottom lip as doubt clouded his pale eyes. “You are coming back, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” Andrew breathed out as he stroked his thumb along his soulmate’s tattooed cheek (he wanted to stroke it along that abused full lip, to pull Nathaniel toward him and- no, not yet). “How could I possibly live without the wonderful tofu dinners here?”

That made Nathaniel smile. “See, there you go, lying again.”

Andrew grinned as he (reluctantly) let go then grabbed his bag. “Don’t do anything too stupid while I’m gone, sweetpea.”

“Hey! What makes you think I’m going to do anything stupid at all?”

Andrew merely hummed as he left his room, which made Nathaniel growl in such an adorable manner.

His soulmate caught up and walked beside him as he went to find Akagi. “So, uhm, are you going to tell me what really A/B/O means before you go?” Nathaniel asked, his expression hopeful.

“Absolutely badass optometrists,” Andrew ‘lied’, and inwardly delighted over the insults his soulmate hurled at him; he savored the image of Nathaniel with flushed cheeks and bright eyes, certain it would make the next couple weeks bearable.

While the Mountain Springs Restorative Clinic (‘restorative’, what a joke) looked very nice with its (now dormant) gardens, water fountains, ponds and other features which probably appealed to a more select clientele, Andrew (as expected) spent most of his visit miserable as hell as he went through a sped-up detox program, withdrawing from a drug in a fraction of the time as normally recommended.

He didn’t care if it felt as if he’d thrown up his entire digestive system at least four times, that his bones had turned into molten glass, that acid ate through his nerves and insects had set up a colony inside his head… he just wanted the damn drug gone. The first day he woke up and didn’t feel a need to take a new dose made all the suffering worthwhile (even if he felt like utter shit otherwise).

Upon his release after the new year, he was weak as hell, clean, minus ten pounds and instructed not to participate in practice for a week. Akagi didn’t say anything to him as he climbed into the black SUV, just gave him a polite nod in acknowledgement, and off they went on the almost thirty-minute drive back to Edgar Allan. He found himself anxious to return to campus, which he told himself had more to do with leaving the clinic behind and not because he was worried about a certain smart-mouthed soulmate.

Andrew powered back on his phone to check his messages, which were mostly from Aaron and Nicky, wishing him a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year (and a couple ‘you still alive?’ texts). Toward the end, there was one from Aaron asking ‘wtf is going on with ur team?’, which didn’t make any sense.

Then Andrew got to the text from Ben, which basically said that Nathaniel was all right. Something cold jolted through him as he pulled up the search browser and typed in ‘EA Ravens’: among the top returned results were several articles about Kevin Day being injured in a skiing accident while on vacation with Riko Moriyama.

(There was no use in pretending that he wasn’t concerned as hell about Nathaniel anymore.)

*******

No, I wouldn’t subject Andrew to Proust (I think a couple people were worried about that) - this Andrew is basically on Riko’s ‘good side’ right now so there wasn’t a need. Also, not quite emotionless Andrew off the drugs (he’s not entirely unaffected) since he gets off them a bit earlier, has less trauma while on them (no Drake or Proust) and there’s Nathaniel/his soulmate there.

I think that’s it? There’s probably just a few more parts left to this.

[darkblueboxs]

✄: something i deleted before the final draft ☾: how i thought people would respond to the fic ☽: how people *actually* responded for any of your fics !!

drop the title of a fic i wrote + a symbol in my ask and I’ll tell you…

✄: something i deleted before the final draft 

Oooof I actually have a huge document of deleted and/or rewritten Iron and Ember scenes that I can’t share yet because ~Enormous Spoilers~. If there’s enough interest when the fic is complete I’ll probably stick it all online as bonus content. I tragically had to remove a few lines about Jeremy Knox being the leader of the foggy swamp water tribe. I am DESPERATE to weave that titbit back in somewhere.😭

Anyway, have a few snippets of Limbic Resonance dialogue that I took out because it wasn’t working with the flow of the chapter at the time. It might still worm its way back in in later conversations, but for now, here’s some no-context sense8 andreil:

“You are not nothing. You just weren’t built to work alone. Do you look at a single piece of a jigsaw and see the entire picture? No. You won’t see the bigger picture until you become a part of it. You are one part of a whole.”

“I’m not. I can’t be. I can’t be a part of you and survive. I have to do this alone.”

Andrew hooked a finger in Neil’s sleeve and dragged it to his chest so that Neil could feel the steady beat of his heart. It fell in time with Neil’s own.

“That’s a cluster. One mind, one heart,” Andrew says. “In theory.”

☾: how i thought people would respond to the fic 

For TSATH, I figured it would have an audience of like, two point five people max. I hadn’t come across any other daemon fics before, so I figured HDM was a bit too obscure/unheard of to garner any real interest as a crossover fic.

☽: how people *actually* responded TSATH: I’m just. Every time I update it I am speechless. The people who are invested enough to send me asks, to make memes, to comment essay-length dissections of daemon behaviours... I cry evry tim. I had no goddamned idea anyone but me would care about TSATH and I was so wonderfully, wonderfully wrong.

Thank you for the ask! :D

[emeraldwaves]

Title: A Hint of Something Magical Pairing: Jerejean, Alvarez/Laila Rating: T Word Count: 4059 Ao3 Summary: Being with the Trojans is a very different experience for Jean. They're happy and friendly, everything Jean believes he's not. He soon learns that even someone as bright as Jeremy Knox has a deep, unexpected obsession. The first fic in a small jerejean series i’m working on about them at disneyland <3. Full fic under the cut

Standing in the middle of Main Street, U.S.A at Disneyland, Jean feels overwhelmed. There are too many people hitting against his shoulder, bumping into his side, and he tries not to panic. Kids dash in front of him, laughing, not paying attention. By the front store to the left, a baby starts wailing and Jean resists the urge to cover his ears.

The worst part is, he's here by mistake. Not that he casually stumbled into Disneyland, but he made the mistake of saying he had never been in front of Jeremy Knox.

And unbeknownst to Jean, rule #1 of being a Trojan is to never mention Disneyland in front of their captain.

Which, of course, happened earlier in the week.

"You know," Jeremy explains, "Indiana Jones. The ride at Disneyland. Bumpy, dark, a little thrilling, totally worth waiting in the line even when it breaks down. One of the best rides in the park."

Jean's not sure if this is a compliment or an insult. "Are you comparing my play style to a ride?" he asks.

"Uh, yeah," Jeremy smiles, so genuine, so real. Jean's still not used to his demeanor; his whole sunshine personality is overwhelming. "One of the best in the park! Or do you disagree?"

Okay, apparently it’s a compliment.

"Uhm," Jean shifts his weight and he catches eyes with Laila and Alvarez who immediately start swiping their hands in front of their throats. He's not sure what that means, but he looks back to Jeremy who's blue eyes are eagerly shimmering, waiting for his answer. "I have never been to Disneyland."

"I knew it," Laila says.

"Uh oh," Alvarez sighs.

"We're officially doomed," Laila mutters, leaning against Alvarez dramatically.

Jeremy's eye twitches and he shakes his head. "No," he laughs awkwardly. "What? You've been in California this long and you still... you mean even before this you've... never..."

Jean tilts his head, confused by what Jeremy is doing. It looks like this is impossible for him to process. He blinks a few times, staring incredulously at Jean.

"Jeremy.exe has stopped running," Alvarez snorts. "We tried to warn you, Moreau."

Ah, the hand signal must have been some sort of warning. He logs that away to remember for the future.

Jean glances at the girls, but it seems this situation is a lost cause. "I wasn't allowed to leave the Nest unless..." he trails off, not wanting to expand on that topic anymore than he has to. He has been avoiding discussing the Nest in depth. There are so few happy memories there, and the last thing he wants to do is bring down the Trojans with his unhappy stories. They deal with his outbursts and frustrations enough.

"Shit," Jeremy mutters. "You really haven't been." He looks like he's still in shock. Shaking his head, he slams the bottom of his stick against the court and Jean jumps back a little. "This is unacceptable," Jeremy says, and shoves his hand into the pocket of his shorts. He pulls out a little card, decorated with the faces of Mickey, Donald and Goofy. "This weekend, we're going to Disneyland."

"I knew it," Laila says, a soft sigh slipping from her lips.

"Do you really keep your annual pass in the pocket of your shorts?" Alvarez snorts, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah!" Jeremy smirks. "You gotta be prepared for impromptu Disney trips at all times."

Jean blinks, watching the scene unfold. So far Jeremy has been one of the most relaxed exy players he's ever come across. He's incredibly talented, focused, a light of positive energy on the court. He has this way of making Jean feel he can do anything, even when he's angry and trapped in his old habits. Jeremy makes him feel like someday he can break them.

But this...

This is the most intense Jean has seen Jeremy in a long while.

"It's okay-" Jean begins to say.

"NO!" Jeremy yells, immediately cutting him off. He leans in towards Jean, gripping the pass in his hands. "It's Trojan tradition to go before the official start of the season anyway. We'll buy you a pass, and you can experience the happiest place on earth!"

Jean doesn't like the sound of that. It seems like the opposite of everything he is. He swallows and glances at the card. "Aren't those expensive?"

"Jean, don't worry about it," he says, placing a hand on Jean's shoulder. He gives it a gentle squeeze, the most physical contact Jeremy ever has with Jean. He sees him hug the girls and many of their other players, he high fives them and pulls them into huddles, but he always leaves Jean alone, letting him have whatever space he might need. This is as close as he'll get to physical contact right now. "I think you deserve a little happiness."

Jeremy smiles, and Jean still doesn't know how to say no. When Jeremy gets all smiley and excited, Jean's not sure he wants to.

And that's how he ends up at Disneyland, surrounded by far too many people, trying not panic.

"Jean!" Jeremy waves, and rushes back to where Jean waits at the top of Main Street, Laila and Alvarez right behind him. "What are you doing?" he asks. He's got on red and gold Mickey ears, the USC colors adorning his head. Jean thinks he looks kind of foolish, but then again, the majority of the people are walking down the street with varying colors and styles of these strange ears.

"I... Je... Je... me sens dépassé," he whispers, switching to his mother tongue. He doesn't want to disappoint Jeremy, especially when he seemed so excited to take him here.

"Okay," Jeremy says, obviously not understanding "I was gonna wait, but I do have a surprise for you."

He flips his backpack around, unzipping it to pull out a matching pair of ears. Laila and Alvarez have the same ones, the Trojan colors. It must be some sort of team thing they do. The ears look stupid, but Jean doesn't want to complain.

"Tada!" Jeremy says, reaching upward to place them on his head. "I got these custom made for you, so you can match us. Official Trojan member," he smiles. "You have to wear them when we come to the park!"

Jean blinks, adjusting the awkward way the headband sits on his head. "Have to. I understand," he mutters. This must be another sort of Trojan rule. In many ways, the Trojans are the exact opposite of the Ravens, but he supposes they do have some things they do as part of their team rituals. He can't complain. As silly as the ears look, they're not painful to wear, and Jeremy seems excited about it. Jean can handle this.

"Yup!" Jeremy smiles and nods, until he stops suddenly. "Oh. Oh! No!" he gasps and lunges forward, yanking the ears off his head and throwing them in the opposite direction, the headband flying down Main Street.

"Not again," Laila sighs.

"I chased after the last pair he threw," Alvarez grumbles.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm going," Laila says, jogging after the headband set.

Jean blinks, glancing from Jeremy's upset face to Laila jogging down through the crowd. He has many questions, unsure of what just happened, and why it, apparently, has happened before.

"Jean," Jeremy says, looking intently in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I... I shouldn't have done that. You don't have to do anything. Never. I promise. If you hate the ears you don't have to wear them."

Swallowing, Jean stares at Jeremy, still completely baffled. "...What?"

"I don't ever want you to feel like... you have to do something. We... I, will never ask you to do something you don't want. We are not the Ravens."

Jean doesn't know how to respond. No one has ever said anything like this to him before. The Ravens always looked through him, just as Riko instructed. He was their property. No one has ever looked at him like he's a person; with feelings and thoughts, opinions.

It's overwhelming.

Everything about this place is overwhelming, and yet something about the sincere way Jeremy is looking at him grounds him. 'You're not there anymore. You're here. Isn't this place perfect proof of your freedom?'

"I..." he starts to say, but Laila jogs up, gripping the headband in her hand.

She pants, rolling her eyes. "They made it all the way to the Starbucks."

"I think that's a new record," Alvarez mumbles.

"Here," she says, holding them out to Jeremy, but Jean leans forward and yanks them from her hand before Jeremy can grab them.

"Hey- Jean! I just said-"

He places the headband atop his head, the red and gold ears looking just as ridiculous as they do on everyone else. "I will wear them." He supposes he's starting to fit in.

Jeremy's cheeks flush, or maybe the sunlight hits his skin at just the right angle. He's a beacon for things like that, Jean's noticed. "O-Okay," he stammers. "But only if you want to."

Jean nods, and Jeremy stares at him, as if he's waiting for Jean to change his mind. When he doesn't move, Jeremy clears his throat and zips up his backpack, flinging it over his shoulder.

"Anyway, we're riding Indiana Jones first, because I need Jean to understand what I mean." Jeremy says, leading the group down Main Street.

Jean continues to follow them down the street. It's hard to believe this is a place people actually enjoy and find fun. Kids are wailing to their parents, the colors on the buildings are practically blinding underneath the California sun, loud music plays over the speakers and it’s so artificially happy.

Laila snorts, bringing Jean back to the group. "Yeah, because one ride on Indy is really going to give Jean the full scope of what you meant."

"What did you say anyway?" Alvarez asks.

"Bumpy, dark, a little thrilling, totally worth waiting in the line even when it breaks down," Jean repeats the words perfectly.

"Woah, you really took that to heart," Jeremy says, glancing back toward him.

Jean nods, and Jeremy twists his lips. He looks nervous and Jean wonders if maybe Jeremy thinks he's upset about the analogy. He's not. He just doesn't understand it, though knowing Jeremy, it's anything but offensive.

"I don't know if Jean will get the full experience if the ride doesn't break down," Laila says, forcing Jeremy's gaze away from Jean.

"Who are you kidding," Alvarez scoffs. "Indy breaks down once a day."

"True," Jeremy nods. "If we're lucky, we'll get stuck on the ride." He laughs loudly, far too excited about something that sounds bad. Maybe there are some things about the Trojans Jean will never understand.

"That's a good thing?" he asks tentatively. He can feel a story bubbling on the edge of Jeremy's lips, can sense it in the twinkle of his blue eyes.

"Oh yeah," Jeremy says. "If you get stuck on the ride, sometimes you get-" He pauses dramatically, looking toward both of the girls.

"Ride evac-ed..." The girls say in unison, rather flatly.

"Ride evac-ed!" Jeremy repeats with far more energy than the other two.

"Ride... E... vacked?" Jean says, trying to repeat the word back to them but it's next to impossible. He prays this isn't him being terrible at English.

"A glorious moment we all hope to achieve," Jeremy sighs.

"It's when the ride closes down and you get stuck on the track so they have to escort you out," Laila explains.

"And that's cool because sometimes you get to see backrooms of the ride you wouldn't normally see," Alvarez adds. Neither of them seem to be on the same level of excitement as Jeremy.

Then again, Jean has never seen anyone this excited about a theme park before. Actually, maybe he's never seen anyone this excited about anything. Riko's excitement was twisted and deranged. Jeremy's is pure, like the many children rushing around them.

"It happened once on Indy before," Jeremy says.

"But we got stuck right at the beginning so they just walked us back to where they load the ride," Laila sighs. "Jeremy's dreams, thwarted."

"Only partially!" Jeremy interjects, turning left under a wooden sign that reads Adventureland. "We were stuck there long enough for us to take selfies with Mara! It's on my Instagram!"

Jean has no idea what Jeremy's talking about, but he's obviously proud of this achievement.

The three continue to chat casually about the ride and other rides they've gotten stuck on. Jean is mostly confused by the fact that they've seemingly entered some sort of jungle. Some monkey noise echoes from a speaker and Jean jumps, glancing around.

"Different parts of the park have different themes," Alvarez explains, noting Jean's clear confusion. He's noticed Alvarez is talented at reading people, though she often seems standoffish at times. It makes him wary, like she could peer into his soul and know everything about the Ravens and Riko, just by looking at him. "This is Adventureland. There's Frontierland, Fantasyland, and Tomorrowland. Then there are other sections like The French Quarter," she pauses and blinks, "like, uh, New Orleans, not actual France," she says, gesturing to him.

"Ah," he mutters. It would've been interesting to see what their take on France would be.

"Yeah, if you want actual France you gotta go to Florida," Laila interrupts. She turns around and links her arm with Alvarez, the two now walking side by side.

"I thought if you wanted actual France you would just... go to France," Jean says.

Laila nods. "Yeah, but I mean if you want Disney France-"

"Disneyland Paris?!" Jeremy suggests.

"I prefer regular France," Jean states.

"Well, yeah I'm sure France is... amazing. I wanna go someday!"

Jean swallows the words he was about to say. 'I'll take you.' He doubts Jeremy would want to go to France with him.

"I gotta stop at Disneyland Paris," Jeremy sighs and suddenly halts, looking up at a sign. "Hey! A 45 minute wait. Not bad."

Jean blinks. They're about to be in this line for 45 minutes and that's 'not bad.'

He really does not understand Disneyland.

"Hell yes," Alvarez smirks. Her and Jeremy high five, making their way into the long, winding line.

"Oh, Jean, you should know, it is Jeremy's dream to go to all the Disney parks around the world," Laila explains. "You should keep that in mind."

"Keep that in mind?" he asks, stopping before he enters the line with her. "Why?"

"Y-Y'know," she says, shrugging. She doesn't stop to let Jean answer either. She dashes off, Jean following behind to not get separated from the group.

He wants to ask where the other parks are, but decides to just look it up later. He knows if he asks, it'll become a long and involved thing.

It seems he's found Jeremy Knox's crazy and it's Disneyland.

The line shockingly doesn't take as long as Jean expects. Once they get to the indoor part of the queue, Laila yanks on a rubber pole, making the room flash with light. Jean jumps, but Alvarez jumps more, punching her girlfriend in the arm. The two of them laugh, and Laila leans in for a kiss, but Alvarez pushes her face away. Jeremy's laughing with them, in on the joke despite being the third wheel.

There's something... enjoyable... about listening to Jeremy, Laila and Alvarez chat. They're friends. They enjoy spending time with each other, and it's not forced. No one says they have to do this. They're choosing to 'hang out', all of their own volition.

It makes Jean tense. There's no way he will ever be able to live like this.

"Hey," Jeremy says, interrupting his thoughts. "You okay?" He walks up a set of stairs backward, the line splitting off into two. "I know you've never been to a theme park, but I promise the rides here aren't that bad. I mean, kids like 'em."

Jeremy babbles a little when he's nervous, Jean's noticed. Usually when he thinks he's upset Jean, or is doing something wrong. He rarely is, but somehow he cares enough to get nervous about it.

The ride hasn't really crossed Jean's mind. He assumes it'll be over faster than he can blink, and he assumes he'll wonder why he waited 45 minutes for 10 seconds of minor thrills.

"I'm fine," he says. "You do not need to worry about me."

"Again, I just... don't want you to feel like you're being forced to be here," he says.

"I don't," Jean nods.

Jeremy smiles, clearly happy again, Jean's words erasing his worries. "Okay, you can be honest with me though. Just, uh, want you to know that."

"I will be," Jean says. Whether or not he can actually speak up is a whole different story. But they came here to ride some of the rides and that's what they'll do.

They get loaded into the back row of the large car and Jean pulls the seat belt over his lap. He's in the middle, between Jeremy and Alvarez. Laila has to sit on a certain side of the car because she "hates the snake part."

"Oh!" Jeremy says, and he reaches up to pull the ears off of Jean's head. His fingers touch the tips of Jean's ears and he sucks in a breath rapidly, not expecting the touch. It's always so gentle, but still Jean flinches. "Here." Jeremy places the ears into the backpack in the small pocket in front of him. "I'll hold onto these."

For some odd reason, Jean's heart is throbbing in his ears. It must be the anticipation of the ride.

The ride is, more or less, exactly as Jeremy described. It's bumpy, for sure. Dark. And just a little thrilling. The car whips them around and Jean grips the bar in front of him, worried he'll be flung from the car. The snakes part isn't even that scary, so he doesn't get why Laila was so freaked out. Most of the ride is a little cheesy, fake flames, skulls, and bugs. However, Jean screams at the end, ducking his head when it looks like the boulder is about to roll toward them.

"You thought we were gonna get hit," Jeremy teases, stepping off of the ride.

"No-"

"You did, Moreau," Alvarez says. "You held your head and ducked."

"And screamed," Laila adds, a devilish smirk appears on her lips.

Jean pouts, glancing away from the group. He folds his arms over his chest.

"Don't worry," Laila laughs. "I thought the same thing the first time I rode it."

"Yes, but you were also scared of the snakes," Jean points out.

It's Laila's turn to pout and she lets out a sigh. "Betrayed. And here I was helping you look better."

The group starts the long trek back up on the exit pathway and Jeremy runs ahead with Laila, the two of them racing up the slight incline after complaining about how it's the longest exit path of any ride in the park.

Alvarez walks back with Jean and he notes how her gaze doesn't leave Laila, her dark eyes glistening with joy. She doesn't seem as outwardly emotional as Laila, but the two of them balance each other well.

Suddenly, she glances toward Jean. "You know, this is Jeremy's happy place."

"Isn't it called 'the happiest place on Earth'?" Jean snorts, watching as the sunlight pours in from the spaces on the partially covered walkway. Jeremy is jogging, just barely ahead of Laila, and his blond hair brushes against his forehead. It looks like his cheeks are glittering, and his smile is somehow outshining the California sun. He looks like a walking commercial for this place.

"Well, yeah, but especially for Jeremy. I think it would make him so happy if you really enjoyed it with him," Alvarez says, her gaze turned back towards her teammates. "I know you don't wanna talk about it. None of us are gonna ask, but we're here for you. We want you to have a good time here in California. Jeremy especially."

Especially? There are many questions burning on his tongue, but Jean doesn't want to speak. He doesn't want to ruin this sliver of happiness by bringing up any old memories.

"Yeah," he mutters.

"You don't have to say anything. Just have fun," she winks, and starts to run with the others.

Jean doesn't feel like running, but he does it anyway, meeting the group at the exit to the ride.

They stand, chatting away, laughing and Jean freezes. He almost doesn't want to approach them, scared he's going to barge in on something that doesn't involve him. The Trojans feel like this foreign entity, unfamiliar, uncharted water. They are people, so normal, so calm, and he is... him.

He doesn't really know how to be a person.

Jeremy turns and waves at him. "Jean!" he calls out, urging him forward. Jeremy wants him there, doesn't want to leave Jean behind. As much as Jean fights against it, or doesn't understand it, Jeremy makes him a person.

"Doesn't that hill suck?" Jeremy asks, and the question is so simple, yet genuine.

Jean honestly didn't even notice the walk back up, but he nods anyway. "Yeah," he says, the hint of a chuckle in his breath.

"Let's ride Pirates!" Laila cheers, thrusting her hands into the air. She grabs Alvarez's hand and starts pulling her towards the pathway.

"Hell yes!" Jeremy says, but freezes for a minute. "Hey..." He purses his lips, as though he's stopping himself from blurting out a barrage of thoughts. "Uh, hopefully now that you've ridden it you see what I mean?"

Jean blinks. Right. The whole reason they went on this ride in the first place was because Jeremy compared his exy playing style to this very ride.

"I really did mean it as a compliment, so if you hated the ride then I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"Jeremy," Jean says. It's rare he says Jeremy's name out loud, but when he does, it feels really smooth on his tongue, like it was meant to roll off it without any problems. "I get it."

"You do?" Jeremy asks, perking up like an adorable puppy.

"Yeah... I know I've been difficult-"

"No!" Jeremy says, quickly interrupting him. "I-I mean... look I just... I know it's not gonna be smooth sailing right away. I don't expect it to be, but that's part of the ride. It makes things interesting and fun, and Jean I just... I really want you to know I think you're worth it," he says.

Jean's cheeks feel like they're burning. No one has ever said he was worth anything, not in this way. He was property before, but Jeremy means it differently. His voice is gentle, his expression tender. Jean has no idea what to say.

Maybe Jeremy understands that, or maybe he's not looking for a response. Either way, he digs into his backpack and pulls out the red and gold ears. "Here, these are yours," Jeremy smiles.

Reaching out, Jean takes the ears back from Jeremy, their fingers brushing together for a moment. Jeremy's hand is so warm and Jean wishes he had the courage to lace their fingers together, squeeze Jeremy's hand so tight, and thank him as genuinely as he can.

 'Thank you for looking at me.'

 'Thank you for not giving up on me.'

Instead, Jean grips the ears in his hand, holding them tightly. "I'm glad I didn't lose them."

"Yeah," Jeremy laughs, smiling the widest he has all day, if that's even possible. "I'm glad you didn't either." He stares at him again, his blue eyes taking all of Jean in. Normally someone's gaze would make Jean cringe and curl in on himself, but Jeremy pulls him in with a warmth and a comfort Jean wants to cling to.

"Let's catch up with the girls," Jeremy says, gesturing towards the path they ran off on.

Jean nods and slowly lifts the ears onto his head, following after Jeremy.

He's not sure if he's a Trojan yet. Maybe he won't ever be one fully. But if Jeremy keeps offering him his hand, Jean is going to keep reaching for it. Jean likes to think that's a step in the right direction.