#Jedi fallen order incorrect quotes

[fallenorder-incorrectquotes]

Purge trooper: Your droid is dumb.

Cal: *slowly removes his heart-shaped sunglasses* I beg your fucking pardon

[fantasticgothicpeachsludge]

Cody, collecting seeds on every planet they go to: Enrichment for my beloved’s enclosure.

[totallycorrectjediorderquotes]

Ahsoka: Is it true that whoever wins in a fight against you becomes the Master of the Order?

Mace:

Mace: Yeah?

Cal: Can we fight you for it?

Mace: It’s a shitty job though

Mace: No one should want this job

Mace: Why would you want this job?

Ahsoka: Bragging rights?

Cal: I want to outrank Master Fisto!

Mace: Yeah, good enough

Mace: Cal, rock paper scissors me for it

[incorrectskywalkers]

some incorrect quotes based on this au (where cal ends up being dragged along for vader's slow, unsteady redemption post jedi fallen order when he finds out the truth about palpatine's lies and padme's true fate via cal's pyschometry)

~~~

Cal: If you kill me, my teeth only have a two percent drop rate.

Vader: ...What?

Cal: Good luck.

~~~

Cal: Did you have to stab them?

Vader: You weren’t there. You didn’t hear what they said to me.

Cal: What did they say?

Vader: "What are you going to do, stab me?"

Cal:

~~~

Cal, trying to lighten the mood: Hey, how do you ask a glass of water what it’s doing?

Vader: A glass of water is an inanimate object. Therefore, it's incapable of having a thought process or understanding basic human language.

Cal:

Cal: Water you doing?

~~~

Cal: Stop lying, stop manipulating, stop murdering, just be nicer!

Vader:

~~~

Vader: Enough! How dare you mock me in such a manner!?

Cal: Well. How would you like me to mock you? I take requests.

~~~

Vader: Pardon the intrusion, but-

Cal: On this moment or just my life in general?

~~~

Vader: I prevented a murder today.

Cal: Really? How’d you do that?

Vader: Self control.

~~~

Vader: I have come to the realization that bottling up negative emotions is harmful and that you shouldn't do it.

Cal: I know, that's why I bottle up all my emotions, both positive and negative, so it cancels out.

Vader:

Vader: Do you take constructive criticism?

Cal: I only take cash or credit.

~~~

Vader: You have an oddly sincere sense of humility.

Cal: I prefer the term self-loathing, actually.

[incorrect-jedi]

Ezra: You can’t beat us! We have something even more powerful than the force!

Darth Vader: And what might that be?

Ezra: It’s the power...of updog.

Cal: Oh my god oh my god oh my god-

Vader: What is...updog?

Cal: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD-

[jyn-andors]

BD-1: *translated from binary* I adore Merrin! I mean I’ve been there for all your firsts! The first time you met, your first kiss…

BD-1: Other first things.

Cal: Yeah sorry about that, we thought you were powered down.

BD-1: Well I wasn’t 😐

[the-overanalyzer]

Kanan: Ezra, the first rule of surviving as a Jedi is "don't ever let them know where you are."

Cal: (running around in the background waving his lightsabers at a TIE fighter)

Cal: I'M RIGHT HERE! I'M RIGHT HERE! YOU WANT SOME OF THIS? YEAH YOU DO! COME ON! COME ON!

Kanan: ...

Kanan: Of course, there are other schools of thought.

[stop-handing-me-knives]

Greez: how are you sleeping?

Cal: like a baby

Cal: and by that I mean I wake up every two hours screaming

[third-generation-female-warrior]

Incorrect Jedi: Survivor Quotes

*Spoilers ahead!*

Kata: MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS!

Greez: We have food on the Mantis.

Merrin: <Orders one black coffee and leaves>

Cal & BD-1: MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS!

Cere: I am a moderate, peaceful, and godly person.

Greez: You threw a chair at Darth Vader three minutes ago.

Cere: Yes. It was a moderate, peaceful, and godly compromise from

the table I was originally planning to throw at that bastard.

Cere: Why is Greez crying?

Merrin: He took a 'Which Mantis Crew member are you?' quiz on the holonet.

Cere: And who'd he get?

Merrin: Cal.

Bode: Hey, have you ever been arrested?

Cal: Yeah, why?

Bode: ...

Bode: Well, I was gonna say "Because it's illegal to be that cute" but now I'm intrigued.

Cal: Hijacking an AT-AT and assault on a stormtrooper.

Moran: Are you the big spoon or little spoon?

Cal: I'm the knife.

Bode and Merrin from across the bar: He's the little spoon!

Merrin, to Kata: Later, I'll tell you about the time I stabbed a cop.

Greez: Merrin!!

Merrin: What? He stabbed me first!

Greez: You never know when you're going to find your dream... person. Anyone on the street could be... they.

Merrin: Alright, it feels like you just googled "how to talk to your pansexual daughter".

Greez: Oh look! Kata drew a funny-looking binog! How adorable!

Kata: I didn't draw that one.

Cal: <Clenches jaw> It's supposed to be a nekko...

[imaginative-reblogs]

Merrin: I prevented a murder today.

Cal: Really? That’s amazing! How’d you do it?

Merrin: Self-control.

Cal:

Merrin:

Cal: *heart eyes*

[fallenorder-incorrectquotes]

Cal: Hostage or not, sometimes it’s just nice to be held.

Stormtrooper: Are you okay

[bejeweled-jyn]

Conversations on the Mantis

Cal: Hey!

Merrin: Hey, what’s up?

Cal: Eating, you?

Merrin: Wishing that message had no punctuation

[fantasticgothicpeachsludge]

Bode: *holds a blaster out to Cal*

Cal: The Jedi don’t believe in blasters.

Bode: Well, trust me, they're very real. Now take it.

[totallycorrectjediorderquotes]

Cin, about Cal: To be one hundred percent honest...

Cin: He looks like he lost his Master at the grocery store

[incorrectskywalkers]

more disaster lineage cal au incorrect quotes because i really want to write a fic about this but writer's block be damned so i'm doing this instead

~~~

Anakin: I lost Cal. Obi-Wan: How did you LOSE Cal?! Anakin: To be fair, he is very small.

~~~

Obi-Wan, watching Cal do something stupid: Anakin, you're officially only the second highest risk here. Anakin: Hell yeah! I'm gonna— Obi-Wan: Don't finish that sentence, you'll move back up.

~~~

Obi-Wan: Cal, please get that hideous thing out of the living room, would you? Cal, to Anakin: Obi-Wan wants you to get out of the house.

~~~

Anakin, to Cal: Okay, I get it. You've had a really hard time lately, you're stressed out, seven people died- Cal: Twelve, actually. Anakin: Not the point. Look, they're dead now and really whose fault is that? Cal: Yours. Anakin: That's right, no one's. Also don't tell Obi-Wan about this.

~~~

Anakin: What’s wrong? You look 10 seconds away from ripping someone’s throat out. Obi-Wan: Cal and Ahsoka were trying to invoke one of the minor gods again last night. I didn't get an ounce of sleep, thanks to their bloody chanting.

~~~

Cal: Could you guys at least try to see this from my perspective? Ahsoka: *crouches down* Obi-Wan: *kneels down* Anakin: *sits on the floor* Cal: Cal: I hate all of you.

~~~

Anakin, driving and singing to the Little Einsteins theme song: We’re going on a trip- Cal: In our favorite piece of shit! Ahsoka: Doing 95! Obi-Wan: We’re going to kriffing die!

[incorrect-jedi]

Kanan: Have you heard from Ezra?

Ahsoka: I’m sure everything’s fine. Cal’s with him.

Kanan: “Everything’s fine” and “Cal’s with him” don’t usually work together.