#Jean is very scared of what Neil can do for him

[elene78-blog]

Jean, who shares a flat with Neil when the two start playing for the same team, saves the life of "Satan's diabolical goblin assistant" from an old subordinate of Nathan. Jean knocks down the mobster with a punch while he was pointing a gun at Neil.

As the FBI takes the killer away, Jean remembers that he threatened Neil when he met him. He remembers that he helped Riko in his torture. In exchange, Neil made a deal with Ichiro for him and killed his abuser.

Now Jean has saved his life.

As soon as Neil turns to him, all calculating eyes, Jean feels a chill run down his spine.

[internet-kid-kenna]

So obviously at least one of the foxes is gonna shovel talk Jeremy sometime soon. Like when Kevin (and I'm assuming at least Andrew and Neil but maybe also Renee and Wymack?) comes out for the interview with Jean, someone is gonna pick up on the dynamic.

(honestly I have to bet Neil noticed something when he picked Jean up to go meet with the FBI, but Neil would never assume it's attraction LMAO, he just would have noticed something was *up*)

But when someone notices something between Jean and Jeremy when they come, someone is gonna pull Jeremy aside and be like "if you hurt Jean I will slice you six ways til Sunday." But there's so many options of who could do it and which one would be funniest.

Like if Kevin comes alone when he notices, is he gonna be jealous of Jeremy and/or Jean? happy for them? Upset and all "it'll be easier if you're straight" on them? If he does shovel talk Jeremy what does he say? It's not exactly like Kevin is the biggest fighter, like does he threaten to send Andrew and Neil after him? Or does he steel up and say he'd kill Jeremy himself and that's how Jeremy knows he's serious bc he knows Kevin wouldn't hurt anyone himself without a good reason?

But like other people doing the shovel talk is good too and I can see them so clearly (and have probably read fan fic about them but I've been reading so much fanfic it's all melting together in my brain so forgive me if you recognize this)

Like Neil, he probably would freak Jeremy out the most because of the whole his dad being a serial killer thing and if it's after Jeremy finds out how gr*yson really dies and knows Neil can order actual hits still, it'd actually freak him out. But also Jeremy is 100% the kind of guy who would be like if I ever hurt Jean like that please actually do order a hit on me because I deserve it.

But Andrew, Jeremy wouldn't be expecting it to come from Andrew. However, I think Neil definitely told Andrew that Jean compared gr*yson to dr*ke and that he had him killed. Therefore, I think Andrew's shovel talk would be not because Andrew is friends with Jean (cuz I don't think they are) but because Andrew wants Jeremy to know he will kill him if he touches Jean in a way he doesn't want to be touched. There may or may not be knife involved, either pressed against a throat or casually being twirled.

However, if Renee and Wymack come with, there's even more options.

Renee would definitely give Jeremy a shovel talk, Jeremy would not be expecting it and she'd probably scare him with how calmly she describes how easy taking apart a man is and that she'd have to borrow her knives from Andrew or something like that. But it's very clear that she loves Jean and wants him to genuinely find happiness.

Wymack would shovel talk even though he barely knows Jean, it would just be like that kid doesn't need to be hurt anymore than he has been and I don't care how good at exy you are or how far apart we live, if you don't take care of him I will fly here myself to rip you a new one.

I don't think we'll get more than one of these if we do get one, but I also think it'd be hilarious if literally everyone pulled Jeremy aside and is like do not hurt him or you will die and he is like, message received loud and clear, thank you.

[ninyard]

Heyy! You said someone should ask you about Kevin under this post about Kevin's struggles from the nest of which we don't know enough... So I'm asking you about Kevin! Please tell us your Kevin thoughts! You always make very good points and I like reading your thoughts!!

cody my friend I am so glad you asked but you might regret it. i hope you're prepared from an unorganised huge convoluted MESS of a ramble

i've been thinking for a few days about this one like... what would a kevin POV look like? what is he hiding? how does he cope? WHO IS HE?

the kevin we ""know"" is a "coward", an insufferable bitch, an asshole and a hardass. other people's opinions and view of him makes up the entirety of our impression of who he is. but that's not who he is. that's just who we're supposed to believe he is.

kevin, born and bred to have this... borderline psychopathic lack of empathy, who can look his teammates in the eye after being told seth is dead or andrew is being committed and say, "what about the game?"

but when the raven's are switching districts; his sense of danger and fear is paralysing. he's three steps ahead trying to figure out how to please riko, how to keep himself safe, willing to put himself back into the centre of his abuse just to stop riko from finding him and killing him. he has to get blackout drunk to deal with any amount of riko. he's frozen with fear by being in the same room as him.

kevin knows where jean's mind and body goes to when hes panicking, knowing his worst place is right back in the nest being drowned by riko. kevin telling neil "do you know what he'll do to you?" and "he'll break you" when neil asks for his ticket. kevin's text to him before he goes into the nest, and staring at neil like he'd seen a ghost when neil returns after the nest (when he looks like the butcher). his comforting "i know what he's like" or "i know how he sees you, i know it means he did not hold back,".

kevin nervous breakdown panic attack day vs kevin smile for the cameras one track exy mind day

im so intrigued by him. how does he cope? his mother is dead, probably killed by the mafia family he was raised by. he grew up into a cult, he was only a child watching neil's father cut a man into pieces in front of him. how many other's had he seen?

how many other injuries cover his body, in places where the cameras can't see? how many rapes and assaults was he forced to watch in the nest? how many beatings was he forced to participate in? what did he have to say to jean in french that he didn't want riko to hear?

he needs someone with him all the time because of the nest. he's a "health freak" because of the nest. his sleep schedule, his anger, his anxiety.

did he say "what about the season?" re: andrew after drake because he doesn't care, or did he think "i've seen this happen too many times. and they've always kept playing,"? did he think "andrew is the strongest person i know. andrew is stronger than me. he would never let this destroy him," knowing that it has?

nobody has protected him in his life apart from the cameras and andrew.

he's scared. he doesn't know what love is supposed to look like.

he's only been a human for a year.

his scars are healing for the first time in his life and they're not being replaced by new ones, but every day he's afraid that that's going to get ripped out from underneath him. his entire life already got flipped upside down when he left the nest. of course exy is the only thing he "cares" about.

because it's the only thing that's been certain in his life, and even for those few weeks or months where he thought he would never play again, he trained and trained, and learned how to use his non-dominant hand because he can't lose this. he can't lose exy like he's lost everything else.

kevin has never had anything stable in his life except for violence and exy. now he has people he's supposed to care about, and he has to change his priorities. he has to learn how live a life that isn't fueled by self-preservation for the first time ever.

jean was only in the nest for five years; and look at him. look at what the nest has done to his social skills, his view of himself, his self esteem. look at what it's done to him, how he expects violence and contrition, coach and always waiting and waiting and waiting for the punishment to come.

kevin might not have had the same level of physical abuse that jean had, but he was there far longer. the ravens existed before him; their mindset and their abuse and their violence and their poison.

he's been drinking the raven poison since his childhood. the only difference between him and jean other than those things above is that kevin had more pressure to hide it, because he was half of the face of the ravens, half of the face of Exy; media trained or PR trained or a master at being a fraud and faking the way he speaks when he's being recorded.

kevin knows how to hide his abuse because he has always had to, and he's had quite a lot of practice at it.

kevin has only been a human for a year. kevin has only been kevin for a year.

so who is he? does he even know?

or is he just Kevin Day, Raven Fox starting striker, number two, six foot two, left handed right handed left handed, heavy racquet, stick size five? is that all he will ever see himself as?

anyways. or something like that. maybe he is just an insufferable bitch for no reason at all. who knows!

[weralika]

my essay about kevin's sexuality

my point is: everything in aftg books revolves around kevin day being straight

I often say that kandrew fucked for sure/ kevin tried to kiss him/ he's in love with neil but I understand that it's not true and I live in delusion.

because we can clearly see that he has a lot of strange interactions with other male characters, I don't know if he considers them strange as well, but they are fucking odd! what do you mean you promised andrew to give him something to live for? what do you mean jean didn't kill himself because you made him make that promise? the fuck neil "gave you his game" like boy... you live through your life making other boys look your way when you enter the room, and neil had fallen for you not knowing he's not straight (a topic for another essay, tell me if you want to hear about it)

and, despite being a hot guy and a fucking wet dream, you never try to scare the boys off, maybe you don't know they are in love with you or you are okay with this, since it has nothing to do with exy (well, it fucking does).

the sanity of jean and andrew and neil (and nicky and matt, etc) only there because they know they can never get you.

andrew would do anything for you, if you two had a thing — he resists the temptation to stop the fucking world spinning for you, because he can predict his own future: the more he does for you, the more he falls in love with you. yes, we can say that they are good friends, but (in my opinion!!) it costs so much not to ruin everything by kissing that stupid red lips (credit is due, kevin drinks a lot of water) andrew has a lot of self discipline because he doesn't want to break his own heart by having stupid hopes.

jean would never even be there if you were gay, kevi! I don't know if you'd escape nest leaving him behind, but in case you do — andrew takes you under his wing, jean knows your secret passion for boys and he knows a fucked up couple when he sees one. he starts to wonder if your stupid friendship meant nothing, you never even kissed him but jean asked too many times. you were gay, but not for jean? I guess it's a solid reason to end up anywhere in that bunch of drafts, not in the one you survived.

neil would be the one confusing you about your attraction to many boys but not one, and andrew would kill him! I don't know, imagine a new boy has a binder with photos of you boyfriend! what do you want he's my boy, and you're a threat so get out (okay, maybe andrew won't jump into conclusions there too, but damn... neil are you with mafia? wanna know how sharp my blade is?)

Wymack would have half of grey hairs by the time his foxes win their first game because he isn't paid for all that gay drama (well, the main gay is my son. who would've guessed.)

conclusion: kevin is really straight in the books, or he lies to himself so long he almost believes it! I know that because if he wasn't, the other male characters in the books were not just head over heels about him but also tried to kill each other because kevin is too precious to be hurt! the books would be so fucking different if he was/accepted himself being gay! it would be 300% more insane!

disclaimer: it's only my opinion and you are free to disagree! you can tell your version in comments/reblogs/tags

thank you very much 🫦

[andreilscat]

inspired by this very cute art by @nyaar0n (but i had to make it jeaneil)

Neil watched as Jean struggled to pick up the cat. He had his fingers awkwardly wrapped around its small body, unsure of how to proceed.

Neil slowly sneaked up on them, making Jean jump in surprise.

"Need help?"

"I guess. I thought he wouldn't like it if I held him too tight, but I can't pick him up like this."

He seemed determined as he slowly ran his fingers through the cat's fur, before turning to look at Neil.

"Oh, trust me, he would," Neil said, lowering himself next to Jean, "just, here," he continued, taking one of Jean's hands, and guiding it towards the cat, "let me show you, you have to support his legs like this, and you can just hold him tightly against your chest."

Jean tried to pay attention but his eyes kept going from the cat's face to Neil's until it finally hit him and he choked out a small laugh.

Neil was caught off guard by the sound, sending Jean a questioning look.

"Nothing, it's just... he kind of looks like you," Jean mumbled, trying not to stare at Neil.

Neil didn't know what he had expected to hear, but it wasn't that. "What?" he asked, taking the cat from Jean.

But before he could say anything else, he was being lifted off the ground. Jean picked him up without a sign of struggle, like it was something they did every day.

His one hand flew up to wrap around Jean's neck for balance, while with the other one he held the cat tightly between them, as Jean spun them around.

"Yeah, you are both small and easy to pick up, but feral enough for me to be scared to do so," Jean said, looking down at them.

"But you are doing it now," Neil smiled.

"Yeah," Jean whispered, leaning down to kiss his forehead, before letting him down, and taking the cat from him.

[simonsrosebud]

andrew finding out what nicky did after neil got drugged at the nightclub in book one. probably after the events of the book

prefacing this: Neil's reaction in this shouldn't be confused for forgiveness bc it's not, Nicky does not need to be forgiven for what he did. This was quite hard to write because trying to imagine how Andrew or Neil would react is kinda impossible- Andrew has limits and rules and Neil's approach to these kinds of things is almost just blindly accepting that it happened and moving past without confronting it (for ex: Jean participating in waterboarding Neil but Neil still looking out for him in TSC in his weird way. Nathan almost killing him and Neil kind of blocking it out after Baltimore is over bc the Foxes are his again and he has championships and Andrew to focus on. Granted, so very different than this, but Neil is very different)

All we know of Neil and Nicky's interactions after Neil's first night in Eden's is what Neil tells us, and he really doesn't say much about it afterwards. The reactions from both him and Andrew are very much up to interpretation from person to person. I can't begin to get into their minds and thoughts about this, which is why it's in Nicky's perspective.

cw: talk about past SA, confrontation about past SA, choking, knives, bit of blood (pls lmk if i missed anything else)

Nicky doesn’t do it on purpose.  Spill the beans, that is.

Well, to be clear, he doesn’t mean for Kevin to spill the secret on purpose.  Nicky himself, however, had kind of been prepared to take this to his grave.

Kissing Neil was inadvisable.  Kissing Neil to drug him was inexcusable, and kissing Neil after Andrew told him no was just asking for it at that point.  Neil hasn’t forgiven him, he doesn't think, even a year and a half later, but Nicky doesn’t expect him to.  It hasn't been brought up since that fall, after all. He doesn't want to bring it back up. He wouldn’t have forgiven himself if he was Neil, he just didn’t know how else to get the cracker dust into his system when he was being so adamant about not drinking.

Well, and then Nicky found out that Andrew already succeeded in drugging Neil which made him feel worse because he could have avoided that kiss entirely and-

Nicky takes a breath.  Betsy has shown him techniques on how to breathe in a way that doesn’t tear his lungs apart.  God, Nicky can already imagine the look on Erik’s face if someone has to tell him that his fiancé died because he couldn’t get a grip.

Nicky pinches his thigh and glances at Andrew, tight muscles and face vacant of anything- it’s what scares him the most.  He doesn’t know what lies underneath.  And really, Nicky should have just told him least year, but a drugged Andrew was more unstable than a sober one.  He didn’t wanna be stabbed.

Until Kevin.

“Never have I ever kissed Neil,” Matt says, and no one except for Andrew drinks.  Neil doesn’t even glance by Nicky, doesn’t even care to acknowledge it because they haven’t since Nicky apologized, because the thought of being kissed by anyone makes him swivel his head towards Andrew so fast that he almost forgets about anything else.  He’s happy and healthy and enjoying the tinge of pink on Andrew’s ears until Kevin suddenly has a hand on Nicky’s shoulder, drunk and slow and saying, “You gotta drink, Nicky.”

Nicky can feel the exact moment that Andrew clues in (which, of course, is right away).  He zeroes in on Nicky and his grip on his whiskey glass tightens.  “Something to share, Nicholas?”  

Nicky flits his eyes between Andrew and Neil, both sitting still and stony, and tries not to throw up right there.  “Um, it- at Eden’s,” he says quietly.  “The first time he went.”  And he wants to explain.  Wants to tell Andrew that he didn’t know how else to drug someone without being caught, because even the shadier Eden’s workers wouldn’t appreciate seeing him pour cracker dust into someone’s mouth.  That he was feeling lonely and thought it was a creative solution; that trying to justify it in his head only worked because he was wasted and high; that he felt nauseous the entire next day from the moment he told Erik on the phone.  Saying it out loud made it real, and making it real only made the guilt in his stomach feel like molten lead.  Heavy and constricting and sickening.  And then Neil avoided him like the plague every time he blocked out the image of blown pupils and fear and worked up the courage to apologize to his face.

Except he can see in Andrew’s eyes that he doesn’t need to explain, that Andrew doesn’t care for his pathetic excuse, and Nicky winces because he knows.  Andrew had been with Neil from the time they’d gotten there to the time he released him into Nicky, Aaron, and Kevin’s hands, drugged and slippery.  He knows that any kiss shared after that couldn't have been shared mutually.

In German, Andrew says, “Give me one good reason not to kill you.”

Fuck, shit, this is not how he planned this day to go.

Nicky wipes the tears welled in his eyes at the look on Neil’s face, guarded and a little pissed off, he thinks.  It's deserved, Nicky knows, but that doesn't make him feel any better.

Your feelings are the least of their concerns, he tells himself.

“I-I just did it to get the cracker dust in his mouth- when we took him to Eden’s the first time!  You-You told me to keep him high and-“

“I told you what I’d do if you touched him.”

Nicky flinches as Andrew stands.  He knows Andrew keeps his promises and just because he’s finding out a year and a half late does not mean he won’t still apply it.  Now he’s moving quietly towards Nicky across the room, and his heart is pounding so loud he barely hears the cracking of the glass as Andrew drops it at Nicky’s feet.  He thinks he hears him say whoops, but then Nicky is hauled to his feet and slammed against the wall.  He fits into the drywall in a way that he suspects might lead to a hole behind his ass, but then he’s got more pressing matters because there’s a tight hand around his throat and he’s pretty sure he’s got a blade to his abdomen, but if he just doesn’t breathe he won’t feel it.  If Andrew tightens his grip he won’t be able to, anyway.

Nicky’s voice comes out brittle and thin, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Andrew don’t-“

“Andrew,”  Neil says, and his voice comes through Nicky’s foggy brain loud and clear.  It’s not enough to stop Andrew from digging his fingers into Nicky’s throat and teasing his skin with the tip of a knife, but it’s enough for him not to push it all the way through.

Andrew doesn’t exactly sneer, because his facial expressions are far and few between, but Nicky can feel the rage roiling through him regardless.  “I will kill you,” he says, so low Nicky isn’t sure anyone else hears it.

Neil says, “Andrew,” again.  He comes to stand beside them, not getting too close because he knows this isn’t between him- it’s all Nicky.  In German, “What he did was not okay,” Neil is saying and god Nicky hopes that just this once, God will help him out because the air is tipping into the same dangerous territory that it did when Allison slapped Aaron; when Andrew choked Kevin; when Andrew almost killed those four men.  “Let him go anyway.  This is between me and him.  You said you’d stop fighting my battles.”  Nicky clenches his eyes tight, praying that he’ll live to see the end of the day.

“I said I’d kill him for touching you, too.”

Neil is closer, now, by the sound of his voice when he says, “Fine, then you should hit me afterwards.”

Nicky hears Aaron softly, saying the fuck? and Andrew is looking fiercely at Nicky when he peeks an eye open.  His lip twitches in anger, but he freezes.  “Neil,” he warns.  Nicky doesn’t know what it’s supposed to mean- has Neil done something similar?  But no, he wouldn’t.  He-

“You told us not to touch your things.  A lot, actually.  But me and Kevin have gone at it, and I punched Aaron at the cabin last year.”

Good god, Neil, this was not the same.

Nicky can feel himself trying not to hyperventilate.  He looks at Neil instead, a safer target, almost.  Not any less scary, but his attention is fixed on Andrew instead.  “Let him prove himself.  He’s kept my boundaries thus far, hasn’t he?  I don’t- He did it to me, Andrew.  Not you.  It’s not your decision on what happens to him because of it.”  Then quieter, more icy, “He was listening to your orders, after all.  You should have left the task to Aaron if you wanted someone drugged the way you wanted.”

The look Andrew shoots Neil is borderline murderous, but Nicky can feel the hesitation in the grip on his neck.  Neil’s accusation is harsh and puts partial blame on Andrew, something that Nicky hopes they get through as a couple or… whatever they are to one another.  Having Andrew and Neil on the loose again without each other’s voices of reason was terrifying.

Andrew’s grip bruises Nicky and makes him wheeze when he tightens his fist for a few seconds, but when Nicky finally reaches up to claw at his hands he finally lets go and steps back.  Andrew’s hand is bloody, fingers pressed too tightly to the blade he held.  He drops it to the ground, wipes his hand across Neil’s shirt and effectively ruining it, if the blood stain says anything, and slams the door open on his way out.

Nicky isn’t surprised that the only ones at his side as he crumples to the ground are Aaron and Renee.  Kevin too drunk to be of any help and Matt and Dan too shocked by the whole encounter.  Matt knows all too well what it’s like being drugged by Andrew, and Dan knowing the feel of crackers on top of her existing resentment of the Monsters.

Neil looks down at Nicky, fingers flexed at his sides and face almost as blank as Andrew’s gets.  “This,” he gestures between himself and Nicky.  Saving, Nicky assumes he means.  He’ll never be able to repay the debt.  He’ll move across the country if Neil asks him to, he thinks.  Perhaps Germany will be far enough.  “Will never happen again.”

[jtl-fics]

Fluent Freshman - Part 19

PREVIOUS

There’s a couple things about FF that might be good to know at this point.

1. There are few things in the world he hates doing more than asking for clarification or admitting he doesn’t understand / know something. The thought of going up to someone and admitting that he hasn’t perfectly comprehended the situation upon the first explanation is something makes his stomach twist like he’d just eaten Mango-Habanero ice cream.

He has figured out his own math theorems in the pursuit of not having to ask the math teacher to explain he doesn’t understand. He got lost in an Ikea once for over 6 grueling hours where he considered making a home there and living among the display rooms until his grandma grabbed him by the ear and dragged him to safety (the food court) and let him regain his strength (eat Swedish meatballs). He, to this day, is not sure about one of his foreign language friend’s names (how embarrassing he just keeps waiting for someone else to say it but they go by some insane nickname).

So he has become a master of piecing shit together on his own. He sometimes gets it wrong (Andrew, god how embarrassing) but for the most part 8 times out of 10 he can get to the right answer if he just has a couple pieces to work with. No one had ever actually explained to him how Exy works and he was too embarrassed to ask after the third week of practice in middle school so he just pieced together what he was and was not allowed to do through the art of trial and error. He’s even mostly pieced out the rules for the other positions.

So with the information he has gotten through people being bound and determined to talk in foreign languages in front of him he has an idea about the tenuous situation some of the older Foxes find themselves in.

He’s heard Kevin Day and Jean Moreau talk in French.

He’s heard that the anxiety in both of their voices as they talked about their futures and owing 80% of their salaries to the ‘Moriyamas’ and how nervous they were about getting on professional teams or else they’d be killed.

Captain Neil and Andrew are not always using Russian to talk dirty.

He’s heard Andrew soothe Captain Neil’s worries about playing for a professional team. He’s heard Captain Neil mention that at least ‘Ichirou’ would likely just kill him and not make a game out of it like his father did.

Organized Crime might have more to do with Exy than FF had originally thought.

(He had thought it. Plenty of times he had thought it but his Gran had warned him that he was overthinking things. That he wasn’t playing a sport invented by the Mafia. That he had caffeinated coffee instead of decaf. “It’s going to be okay sweetie. Just take a deep breath.”)

This leads into the second thing you should know at this point.

2.  Before he had signed with Wymack he had known the broad strokes of Captain Neil’s life. There had been a lot of news articles about it and Gran (bless her) loved trashy gossip magazines.

After he had signed with the Foxes he had done a bit of a deep dive on as many of their controversies as he could find. There’d been things from brawls on the court (worrying), player overdoses (concerning), a straight up MURDER (Oh god), and the very public breaking of the King of Exy’s arm resulting in his suicide (Warranted, that wacko was going to take off Captain Neil’s HEAD.)

But the thing that had made him actually a little bit, dare he admit, excited to go to Palmetto was the fact that Captain Neil was there.

For someone who froze for almost a decade, who just took it and didn’t have the balls to even react? Neil Josten is an inspiration.

This is someone who got away, who lived a life completely unlike FF’s, someone who knew how to run and more impressively someone who learned how to FIGHT. Captain Neil was being hunted but he still ripped people to shreds in interviews. Captain Neil was probably more scared of the Butcher than FF had been of anything in his entire life but Captain Neil was way braver than FF could ever hope to be.

Captain Neil was taken and tortured but he still fought. FF had seen the scars and Captain Neil is right to wear them proudly (though based on some conversations he has unfortunately overheard he is sure Andrew may have a role in Neil’s positive feelings about them).

FF had thought that he was being lead to his death down in a basement of a club (Don’t cringe. Don’t cringe. Don’t cringe. Don’t-) and he just trailed right behind the two of them without even an illusion of a fight.

Neil Abram Josten was a bit of a personal hero.

He’s proud to call him Captain Neil. He wishes Andrew hadn’t been there when Greg had mentioned wanting autographs because FF wants an autograph from Captain Neil but now Andrew has probably mentioned it to Neil.

Long story short, FF had looked into a lot of details on Captain Neil’s case.

Including two of the Butcher’s top men who were still on the loose.

Romero Malcolm and Jackson Plank.

He keeps his presence low but no matter how many times he blinks the man grumbling in Italian next to him continues to be Romero Malcolm.

Moreover Romero Malcolm continues to grumble about the fact that he is having a hard time finding ‘Nathaniel’ and that he’ll have to grab one of ‘The Wesninski brat’s friends’ to draw him out.

FF is a recently confirmed friend of Captain Neil.

FF who is standing next to this man, with his dick out, and trying to remain as invisible as possible.

After two shakes (Yes he was watching but only because he had to! He wonders briefly if he goes to the FBI if they would accept a description of Romero Malcolm’s penis for the wanted poster? Probably not but it is BURNED into his retinas.)

He watches as Romero tucks, zips, and then bypasses the sink entirely.

FF shivers at how unhygienic that is. Who RAISED him?

The door shuts and FF needs to get out of here ASAP but his hands are shaking with the sudden adrenaline of ’One of the FBI’s Most Wanted just took a piss next to me and is looking for me friend’. He pulls his phone from his pocket and ducks into one of the stalls. Even if there’s no door it’ll at least FEEL a little safer, a little more private. He needs to warn Neil, Warn Andrew, and warn-

The door to the bathroom SLAMS open and music blares in (palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy-) and his phone slips out of his hands and into the toilet. There are footsteps coming towards him and FF digs deep.

He’s in ultra stealth mode. He is the wall behind the wallpaper. Mantis shrimp can only dream of the color he becomes, the United States military have the CIA on the look out for him because he’s fallen off all conventional forms of radar and tracking.

He is a bargain fruit platter on a dessert table at a kid’s birthday party.

He is ULTRA stealth.

Romero’s gaze glides over him.

Then the man leaves (STILL DID NOT WASH HIS HANDS).

His heart is hammering in his chest but he manages to reach down and grab his phone. Well, Coach Wymack had gotten the extended warranty at least. (“Do you know what these fuckers do to phones? Josten crushed his last year in a fight with the Baseball team captain.”)

His phone’s extended dip into the toilet water had not done it any favors in working properly.

Well fuck.

He wipes his phone down the best he can. He wipes his phone down with some toilet paper before cramming it into his pocket (Sorry Nicky, he’ll wash the toilet water pants if they survive).

He sees a flyer on the wall of the bathroom and starts to think of a plan.

He rushes out of the bathroom (he still washes his hands because he will not have something in common with a man on the FBI’s most wanted list and he just dipped his hand into a CLUB TOILET) and clocks Nicky’s wild arm movements and WORSE clocks Romero just 10 clubbers away.

He sees Romero’s eyes lock onto Nicky and a smile that terrifies him.

He’s out of Ultra Stealth Mode even if every atom in his body wants to run.

He is so stressed and panicked that he has gone beyond his body’s ability to process that so all that is left is determination. He’s got a head full of a half-baked plan, a hand going to his pocket, a second hand on the only ‘weapon’ he has on him, and a stomach full of acid.

He’s pulling his phone out of his pocket before he can really let himself think about it and walking up next to where Romero is standing. He holds his toilet water phone up to his ear and does the one weird social anxiety thing that he had never done before.

He pretends to be on a phone call.

“Hey Captain Neil,” he says and in the corner of his eye he can see Romero’s gaze shift from Nicky (surrounded by an adoring public, covered in sweat and therefore difficult to grab - a difficult target) to himself (alone, shorter, and probably looking like he’s about to pass out). “Yeah I think I’m going to take a break outside after I grab quick drink and then a water at the bar.” He says because he has to be the easier target and he has to go to the bar. “Yeah, yeah, okay I’ll mention it to that bartender guy.” He says and pretends to hang up.

He turns and he walks towards the bar and feels his pulse in his throat go to the beat of the music (success is my only motherfucking option, failure’s not).

He only knows about the alley because in the car ride to Sweetie’s Nicky had mentioned that he wouldn’t let FF’s first time be out there. He had been embarrassed but it was the only way he knew to get Romero out of the club and away from where he could hurt Captain Neil or anyone else in the pursuit of that.

He spots the bartender who had gotten the drinks for their table and his mind completely blanks on the name but the bartender sees him and smiles. “Oh you’re Neil and Andrew’s new friend! What can I help you with? I thought you were-“

“Hi, yes I am Captain Neil and Andrew’s friend.” He says a little loudly because he can feel Romero behind him and he does NOT want the man to know anything about where Captain Neil was.

“Captain Neil? Oh wow that’s adorable.” The man gushes. “What can I help you with? I won’t ask for ID for one of their friends.” He winks.

“I’d like to order the uh…” he tries to remember the exact drink name from the flyer, “…the deluxe chocolate martini?” He asks and knows he got it right when the bartender’s expression shifts ever so slightly.

“Oh yeah, how do Andrew and Neil feel about that?” He asks and oh great a coded conversation. It’s nice to actually be having a real one of these for once instead of just perceiving normal conversations to have hidden meanings.

“They don’t know. They probably prefer that I order it instead of Nicky or Aaron.” He lets his eyes dart to the wide where he believes Romero is watching him.

“I don’t know if that’s true.” The bartender says, “Nicky knows how to handle a drink and Aaron’s not a lightweight either.” He adds.

FF struggles to find a coded way to say ‘It’s not that someone’s hitting on me too hard like the flyer mentioned. It’s that there’s a mafia hitman in your club.’

Finally after a moment, “It’s not the usual kind of drink they get.” He tries and the bartender looks confused by the statement, dammit. He struggles to find a different way to say it before the bartender smiles.

“Y’know you’re really cute.” He reaches under the bar top and grabs a piece of paper and a pen. “How about you write down your number for me cutie? We can meet up sometime.” He says. “I’ll get started on that chocolate martini for you.” He says.

HE COULD KISS THIS MAN.

“I’d like that.” He says.

He writes out a quick message on the small note paper.

‘Armed. After Neil. Looked at Nicky. I’m going to the back alley. Phone is dead.’

The bartender comes back and looks at his note. “We’re out of chocolate martini mix, can I get you something-“ He hopes the club lighting obscures how pale the man got, “something else?” He asks and FF can SEE his pulse.

“Can I just get some water then?” He asks.

The bartender nods and pulls up his phone and hopefully is dialing the police and hands FF a water. His hand grabs hold of FF’s “You don’t need to go out into the alley. You could hang in the backroom with me?” He offers.

There really are some kind people in the world.

“I think it’s better if I’m not in here for a bit.” He says back and honestly he needs this kindness and he has a spare bit of courage, “What’s your name by the way? Sorry I missed it.” He says.

The bartender swallows, “It’s Roland.” He says.

“Thanks Roland.” He twists the cap off of the water bottle and takes a sip.

He turns and pretends not to notice how Romero is trying to be inconspicuous pretending to be on his phone.

He makes his way over to the alley door and notices that Romero is tracking his movements but is not following him like he did to the bar.

His heart is pounding and he can’t BELIEVE he’s doing this. He wants to run, wants to hide somewhere, wants to become imperceptible but…but…

He opens the door to the alley as the bass of the remixed song finishes.

(You can do anything you set your mind to, man)

He lets the door slam behind him and he is alone in the alley.

He was not expecting a van to come to a screeching halt in front of the entrance and for a different face to appear climbing out of the car.

Jackson Plank.

FF looks at the ugly smile on the man as he walks towards him with a knife in hand.

Okay now what genius?

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

NEXT

5/26/23: EDITED. Can’t believe I forgot to put the Captain in front of Neil’s name on the meme. I’m blaming the accidental early awakening.

Per your requests:

@i-have-three-feelings​ @blep-23​ @dreamerking27​ @andreilsmyreligion​ @belodensetdust​ @rainbowpineapplebottle @yarn-ace​ @iwouldlikesometea @lily-s-world​ @obscureshipsandchips​ @booklover242​ @whataboutmyfries​ @sahturnos​ @pluto-pepsi​ @dreamerthinker​ @passinhosdetartaruga​ @leftunknownheart​ @aro-manita-muscaria @hologramsaredead​ @Chaoticgremlinswishtheycouldbeme @tntwme​ @tayspots @nick-scar​ @crazy-fangirl2524​ @blue-jos10​ @stabbyfoxandrew​ @splishsplashyouropinionistrash​ @sammichly​ @the-broken-pen​ @bitchesdoweknowu​ @very-small-flower​ @ghostlyboiii​ @its-a-paxycab​ @bisexual-genderfluid-fan​ @cheesecookie​ @theoneandonlylostsock​ @foxsoulcourt​ @blueleys @adverbialstarlight​ @elia-nna​ @can-i-just-stay-in-the-corner​ @nikodiangel​ @foxandcrow-inatrenchcoat​ @hallucinatedjosten​ @satanic-foxhole-court​ @vexingcosmos​ @chalilodimun​ @insectsgetcooked​ @angry-kid-with-no-money​ @queer-crows​ @lillyndra​ @themugglemudperson​ @readertodeath​ @apileofpillows​ @mortalsbowbeforeme​ @hellomynameismoo​ @next-level-mess @youreonlylow​ @interstellarfig​ @notprocrastinatingatalltoday​ @percyjacksonfan3​ @queenofcrazy27​ @bsmr261 @ghostlyscares​ @spencellio​ @adinthedarkroom​ @harpymoth​ @sufferingjustalilbit​ @anxietymoss​ @oddgreyhound​ @ohno-myhyperfixation-itsbroken​ @ken22789​ @atiredvampire​ @isoldescorner​ @not--a--pipedream​ @azure-wing​ @bushbees​  @roonilwazlib-main​ @crumplelush​ @foldedaces-paperbirds​ @thesenseinnonsense​ @let-tyrants-fear​ @ketchupfriesandallthingsnice​ @legowerewolf​ @deadlydodos​ @but-we-respect-his-craft​ @cariniqe​ @zanypersonapricotbiscuit​

The requests to be added to the tag list keep being spread out across a few different areas. If I missed you please just ask again in the replies I promise I just missed you.

As stated before if you’re up here and I spelled it  right but you didn’t  get a notification there might be something  switched around in  your settings that won’t let me tag you properly?

Lillyndra it worked this time!!!

[ahecktonoffandomsinoneblog]

Neil being jeans foil…

Neil fighting for himself and others when Jean gave up long ago

Neil escaping the nest, then coming for a short time, then escaping again when Jean has never been able to get out

Neil getting the number he was destined to have but writing it off to slight Riko when that number is what’s keeping Jean alive (and killing him…)

Neil talking back to Riko even when it means danger when Jean has been too scared and hurt for too long to even consider it

Neil, who was supposed to be sold to the moriyamas the same as Jean but who got the chance Jean never did

Neil who claimed his name when Jean gave his up a long time ago

Neil who can afford to hide his scars, who has the privilege of knowing people care enough to ask when everyone just looked the other way for jean

just. “I’m fine” “I deserve it” “no, I don’t have any other bags. This is it” “the people I’m afraid of most in the world destroyed something that mattered to me and I can’t bring myself to let go” “how do I be a person beyond my pain?” “KEVIN DAY” “exy is my life”

this is very disorganized but. I have so many thoughts. They’re just so

[propheticlyre]

ok its been a day so im ready to put my thoughts down, in no particular order, and definitely an incomplete list. below the cut for length and spoilers

jeremey backstory reveal, I'm :(((

while difficult obviously, i appreciate the way nora has handled homophobia in this book, in a way that balances having a safe place in the trojans with the homophobia of jeremy's family - i dont feel like i can explain it well, it just seems like she captures the homophobia of the time period well, especially in particular kinds of political circles, without it being miserable to read and a hopeless cesspit of homophobia idk

speaking of """time period""" (quotes because treating books set in the early 2000s as historical fiction feels wrong although at this point is accurate) the offhand reference to the politics surrounding the iraq war did untold levels of psychic damage to me

a lot of this comes from that while not a political family like jeremy's, i was growing up at the same time with a family that would have very much politically aligned with them and so it hits close to home

and i'm begging, jeremy needs to figure out in the third book that he deserves the same kind of future he wants for jean and all his friends - one where he is happy with the life he chooses!!!

also let him change his last name since he has rejected wilshire and he wants to let go of knox (i know someone who he could share a last name with too ;) )

after what feels like lots of fandom speculation, i loved that it was just kevin and andrew who came to california for the interview (ok i actually hate that andrew ever has to set foot in california again but narratively i appreciate what it says about his and kevin's relationship that andrew does it), AND the reveal that neil had not told either of them he'd been to see jean - i saw lots of posts/fanfic around neil going back to south carolina and talking to andrew about the grayson stuff and while i understand the interest in exploring that and i dont mean judgment towards that i just love that neil treats that as wholly jean's business and he is not going to be telling his secrets to anyone, including andrew

xavier explaining being trans to jean and jean is just immediately chill about it, in the most predictably jean way possible and its so 🥹🥹

spokane mention jumpscare

happy old gay couple!!!! yes they have to hide it behind the "we're just two bachelors chilling together" but they're gay!! and happy!! and together!! anyway i just don't think there can ever be enough representation for this kind of story and im always happy for stories with queer elders like this!!

in general rhemann's characterization in this book !! i love him your honor. i also love, again after ages of fandom speculation on it, that the one to go to violence for jean is rhemann, but not by breaking the rules to take a red card, but truly in a moment of physical defense of jean but that even STILL nora establishes that this does not make jean feel safe with rhemann, that he can physically stop zane scares him, even if when jean talks with adi he acknowledges he mentally knows rhemann wouldnt hurt him, he still feels scared (i feel like this mirrors neil/wymack's dynamic but its different, but that would be a whole other discussion)

laila and cat. cat and laila. i feel like we got so many insights into them in this book and yet i need MORE. the laila and jeremey family dynamics at play !! cat and jean as biker buddies !! also them at every possible opportunity being like "no jean really, please leave us in the house alone, we have some things to do. together."

the house... their home... im crying for them. while theres obviously the big things, i feel like the mentions of so many of the smaller sentimental things were like stabs in the heart - their photos from their dates, cat's quilts from her grandmother, jeremy's nan's movie collection, jean's first new postcard from kevin, and of course, barkbark :(

trying to rebuild their cozy space, and jean finding a painting in the store, and THAT being what spurs laila and cat into action, and while it's very much in a way of getting things that are "good enough" for now, rather than beloved pieces, i think its so so huge that their new place is something they are so actively building WITH jean

i 100% do not trust those fugly fbi agents though, im still suspicious of the new place

jean's eating disorder issues but him always trusting cat!!! and cat telling him to trust himself!!

speaking of that scene, I'm on my knees begging for pat, ananya, and cody to get together finally!!

jean going to therapy, and verbalizing that he deserves to recover from his trauma, when i tell you i am crying for him

jean bodily checking bryson into laila's car, breaking the windshield, to defend jeremy and laila and laila being "you should have seen him jeremy, it was hot and i dont even like men ;)"

also on the note of unwanted visitors im tired of ravens showing up to harass jean, leave him alone!!!! (insert here the era appropriate "leave britney alone" meme)

jabberwocky moreau !!!!!!

[dayurno]

on the topic of kevin smoking weed…what do you think his first time was like. do you think he got scared or do you think it completely mellowed him out for once?

HE GOT SCARED 🏃🏽🏃🏽🏃🏽🏃🏽🏃🏽 i think kevins first time smoking weed was in the nest because they were college aged after all and breaking the master’s rules is survival at one point or another. i don’t think riko was involved (imagine that) and that made kevin’s paranoia skyrocket, so when he does smoke he gets really afraid and anxious and it’s a total vibe killer. i can see kevin and jean smoking in the nest and immediately fucking like rabbits about it though

his Second time he does mellow out. the second time is with the monsters and andrew’s close supervision so when kevin does smoke he is well fed and hydrated and lying comfortably which makes the experience much better even if their weed is considerably cheaper. i dont think he does much then!!! nothing besides giggling at the ceiling and lying his head on andrew’s or nicky’s laps. for some reason i can see him trying to teach the monsters japanese nursery rhymes and accidentally making them all have children’s songs stuck in their heads for weeks

the REAL deal is when neil joins them though. neil’s overall anti drug behavior is very quickly put to test by a high as balls kevin day performing every increasingly ridiculous exy trick neil can come up with on court. an eye opener experience for neil

[farawaysoph-ie]

The Sunshine Court Incoherent Whatever (pt.1)

Okay. Okay.

I just finished The Sunshine Court and 1) Jean Moreau what have you done to me? 2) Jean Moreau what have(n't) they done to you?

I started this, then went and re-read tkm (bc the obsession was always latent and never gone), so I could compare both Neil and Jean pov and well, suffice to say I'm not okay and I feel too much.

Thank you Nora Sakavic, it was painful and amazing.

I have a long train ride so I might as well bring back my incoherent whatever after *checks the notes* 4 years :')

As always this will be so full of spoilers.

(Unrelated spoiler: the train ride wasn't enough)

Let's start with the general:

After loving Neil maybe too much the shift to Jean took awhile to adjust to but now I'm ready to fight at least three mafia families, every single hater (fictional or otherwise) and the FBI for him

Jeremy Knox was everything, but like everyone on here, what are you hiding Jeremy?? What's going on??

Cat and Laila, my beloved ™️ the care these two effortlessly gave made me cry

This whole book was a serious trigger for me, but I'm in too deep with this series, imagine me like that Simpsons meme, I did it for my new french son

Characters, thoughts:

I said before the Ravens were a cult, but I hadn't really understood that statement. Every time Jean spoke of them it hit deeper and deeper how messed up and unfair it all was.

Boy am I happy that Riko is dead, like I didn't really wish anyone the fate of being shot by an unfeeling older brother, until Jean's pov hit me like a high speed train.

Andrew spoke exactly one word in this, still was iconic and a scene stealer, how in character for him

I forgot how much I always want to slap Kevin Day when he's trying his best to be annoying, it's because I love him, I swear! (But seriously his relationship with Jean is so complex and well executed I will think about it for a very long while)

I didn't give much thought to Renee and Jean relationship in tkm, but it broke my heart here, it's when I started to actually tear up, I love them so much rainbows, a cool evening breeze. I can't.

"Tell me something"

"Where are you now?"

The whole dynamic of the Cat&Laila& sometimesJeremy's apartment

Cat teaching Jean how to cook + motorbike ride (open roads)

Laila taking him to shopping

Jeremy wanting to make Jean Moreau the Person his success story

Neil dragging Jean towards survival without giving him a choice, again and again: he sent Renee as gentle bait, closed a deal in his name with a mafia boss, promised him he would win against Riko in his name too, promised him again Riko was dead, ordered a hit on his rapist, offered to delay the talk with the FBI, linked his sister to his name, to survival and to what he deserved. I NEED more interactions between them, I am not above begging.

I have to get a better idea on the other Trojans, but for now the policule was cute, I need more Cody and less Lucas. Like I can understand where he was coming from? But he needs to shut up now, you made your mess man, now go play Exy like you were supposed to.

I miss the Foxes :'(

Wymack! I almost forgot everyone's favourite dad-coach: he showed up, brought alcohol, got more tired, delivered care to yet another traumatized child, spent a whole day on airplanes to bring him to Los Angeles, left him money for clothes&co. bc he's not doing this again, answered his call when he was having The Breakdown. Best dad-coach ever in the history of dad-coaches.

Plot things:

Jean at the beginning was so scared and in so much pain it took a while to get a clear picture of him as a person

Still loved all his salty comments and insults, he couldn't help himself

Renee sitting with him and caring with Abby and Wymack :')

Jean being afraid of going back and of not going back to Evermore, hating the ones that got to leave

The self harm and all the people in this that fought him to keep his hands from his neck, his scars, himself

"I am Jean Moreau. My place is at Evermore. I will endure."

Jean not believing in Wymack care, waiting for the act to end and the other shoe to drop

The disbelief at Kevin being away from the court and him admitting he went at knifepoint (and meaning it literally), sometimes this was a comedy

Wymack, Jean, and the burning of houses

Jean's opinion of the Foxes going from those mediocre fools to those mediocre madmen to the madmen that actually beat Riko Moriyama

Wymack putting Jean's phone in the freezer and hating computers

“That man is years overdue for a high-speed, head-on collision.” couldn't have said it better, but Neil was already on it at that point

"Jean knew better than to look for anger in his stare; the best Kevin could manage was bottomless guilt."

“It was my only chance,” Kevin said. “I knew you wouldn’t come with me.” “My place is at Evermore,” Jean agreed, “but you did not have to slit my throat on the way out.”

“Your blind loyalty to those clowns is exhausting.” “Some of them you like,” Kevin reminded him. “Don’t you dare,”

Nathaniel "Hello Jean" Wesninski vs Jean "Go away" Moreau

This whole conversation went very differently compared to tkm: like there Neil came, dropped a metaphorical bomb, glossed over the explanation and went away trying to convince Andrew they are something

Jean was ambushed by two of his most complicated acquaintances (???) and their "pet goalkeeper" (god I need Andrew's reaction to this "nickname", but I guess no one will ever say this to his face, Neil would be too busy fighting you at the suggestion to ever repeat it), had his worldwiew turned upside down with no chance of having a say in the matter, then was left alone with Kevin Day and the aftermath.

So yes two different conversation; also I kinda forgot of the deal about Neil and his smile

“Everyone who has tried to tame him has failed.”

All for the game: a summary

There was no getting away; there was only getting through.

Jean Moreau who (hasn't) hurt you, part some of too many

What really makes it messed up is that on one hand there was Riko and his mad cruelty and on the other there was an entire team of bystanders At Best: some people were an active part and then pretended, no sympathy for them; others decided to ignore the truth to survive and get what they wanted, which I can understand but I guess they still didn't have the decency to shut up when Jean got away. The anger that crawled through my skin when the smear campaign and the notebook/postcards/magnets thing happened. You should have stayed silent until the end you fucks.

“Do it, then. It wouldn’t take much; we all know I have brittle bones.”

Jeremy pov kinda gave you whiplash, with him waking up super early, helping homeless men, but then you start noticing all the things he avoids almost effortlessly and like, what are you hiding sunshine man??

What actually broke me about his povs was him noticing all these details about Jean, and then misinterpreting them, bc whatever he's been through Jean has had it 100 times worse and this doesn't even factor in Jeremy world. I'm pretty sure he'll get the whole truth in the end and I'm scared of what it'll do to him.

Also Jean being like Ravens always had to keep secrets and then spilling most of them almost unprompted, let's laugh in order not to cry

“He hasn’t played a clean game in years,” Kevin admitted, “but he knows how to follow orders. If you tell him to submit, he will.” “Literally the most awkward way you could’ve worded it,” Jeremy said.

This will keep coming back, Kevin please. (He 100% ships it, one of us)

The Foxes catching the too tired Trojans and Jeremy being like, you are all approved (I need the two teams to interact now)

Also the Trojans being like how are they still standing, Neil how are you still running??

Someone pointed out they wanted Neil to interact with Jeans closest teammates bc if he is a madman by Jean standards, what would normal people make of him? To which yes, but also guys consider this: Neil said to Cat and Laila that they were terrifying after the semifinal, he took a step back when Jeremy opened the door and silently invited him in. I need Neil and the floozies to interact so Neil can experience real fear.

Mafia bosses have nothing on wholesome people, the true weakness of one Neil Josten

Jean immediately hanging up on Jeremy will never not be funny

When you get to the title of the book and it's Jean insulting people <3

I will Never, NEVER, get over the "nineteen". Never.

I love Abby but when she told that bit about fighting back, It Hurt. She probably didn't really mean it and didn't know everything bc how are you supposed to keep fighting when you are fifteen, alone and forsaken in a place that is built to break you? As it has been pointed out, Neil had rebellion beaten into him by a mother that chose him and ran; Jean had a sister that he hoped to protect and parents that sold him away like property. Five months were actually a long time.

Dobson keeps being iconic, I don't know what to think about the I don't know how exy works bit: I mean I've been obsessing with this and still don't know how exy works (plz don't hate me), but at the same time it was such a power move and got Jean to talk

“Of course it’d be you, you tedious malcontent.” “Good morning to you, too.” Nathaniel held up an oversized bandage.

You see why I need more of their interactions, right?

Nathaniel was different; he always would be. He wasn’t a Raven, but he was, same as Jean. He was Jean’s misplaced forever partner, an unfulfilled promise Jean had stopped believing in years ago.

You can now be forever partners while you tear down your families :)

I think that I'm stuck on the two of them bc while Kevin broke a promise to save himself (to which no hate, when dealing with madmen like Riko you have to save yourself) and still couldn't, not completely, Neil was a promise made and broken by other people. Jean hates him bc they were supposed to share a destiny and all the misery, but I think very deep down he knows that if Nathaniel had come to the Nest they would still be nursing wounds and appeasing a tyrant. Neil is the one that stood against Riko when Kevin wanted to hide, the one that gave him courage by example, the one that dragged Jean away from the Ravens, both for selfish reasons (taking down Riko) and better ones (paying him back for saving his life a the Nest).

But still

“You are only here now because you are an abominable cockroach,”

Funny how Neil forgot to tell us about the breakdown about Kevin's tattoo, he was probably thinking about the match. Junkie.

The cheese drawer guys, ???

To this day I still can't decide what was more iconic: Kevin Day switching playing hand halfway through the game and pretty much scoring everything until the last second, Neil being so fast that it made up for him being a shitty defender, Andrew crossing the court to keep Neil from being murdered (I'm biased, but still iconic moments all of them)

Experiencing this match from Jean's pov was amazing writing, like the countdown of the last ten seconds, the Riko-Neil bit without volume but from a different angle (I didn't really realize everyone was able to see the King attempting murder live on TV, but hey perspective)

Run, Jean thought. He didn't know if he was thinking it at Andrew or Nathaniel. Run.

"That wasn't a miracle," Jean typed out. "That was the Foxes."

:')

When Jean found about Riko though :'(

The shudder that wracked his chest should have been revulsion, but it fell dangerously short. This didn't feel like joy or relief; it only felt like loss. [...] Who was he without them?"

I loved that he woke up to Renee and Neil though, the rainbow and the witness

Renee always hitting the point, this wonderful girl

"Maybe you're mourning the wreckage he made of your life. You're allowed to grieve what he took from you."

"It's impressive, isn't it? How easily these monsters die in the end."

Neil Abram Josten said I'm done letting monsters ruin my life and my people, he actually promised.

When he called him Neil guys, tears

Also I found peculiar that when thinking about the room he destroyed Jean calls it "Neil's dorm room", not Kevin's who he's known for actually longer. It's what makes me think that they have a chance at not being misplaced forever anymore.

Renee either hits you with hidden wisdom of the universe or with practical and brutal advice, and we love her for that

The two of them, the Two Of THEEEEEEEEM

Jean noticed how Andrew and Neil moved like they were caught in each other's gravity, in each other's space more than they were out of it, cigarette smoke and matching armbands and lingering looks when one fell out of orbit for too long.

Just leaving this here.

The airport bit :'(

"Men like Wymack didn't exist. They couldn't; they shouldn't."

Enter Jeremy Knox and his yo-yo in the middle of said airport. Flawless.

This man was put on Earth to test Jean, at least that's what he will keep thinking from here on

The rest of this book is Jean having conversations with people and not understanding them, bc he's been living for five (seven) years in a cult. It is an escalation pretty painful to watch, I think the Trojans are all of us :'(

Question: will Jean end up teaching Jeremy French? Will Jeremy learn by himself? I think I'd probably prefer the latter

Cat, the mess, the music, the tour, I love her so much

Jeremy "he's a little off" Knox, he was trying

Barkbark von Barkenstein

Jean Moreau and the real world (bubble tea? you have to shop for stuff? you sign things yourself? you leave campus? someone help this disoriented french bean)

"Something had gone horribly wrong at Evermore"

oh Jeremy

Watching Jeremy regret almost all his questions :'(

“Three fractured ribs. Sprained LCL. Twisted ankle. Broken nose. That’s most of it.” That’s most of it.

Laila, who pushed and got angry for Jean and didn't back down despite him lashing out, my beloved

You look like a Ken doll." + "This isn't blond."

"Not Grayson.[...] Please." that one made me sick, the writing made me feel even only a part of what Jean was feeling and it was enough to feel sick

The water :'(

Jean just leaving when confronted with Laila and Jeremy in swimsuits was very bi of him

Lucas coming in looking like a well know nightmare and the Ravens dropping like flies

I didn't ask.

It's not like I didn't know, right? But I still died inside

Zane and the betrayal

Jeremy didn’t let him get away with it. “That’s not the issue and you know it. I don’t want to crowd you.” “You are not them,” Jean said. “Kevin would not have sent me here if you were.”

Jean taking one look at the doctor sent by the coaches and going nope, Dobson will be definitely better

Jeremy seeing the nightmares and the scars and not being able to do much:(

A hand on his chin startled him into looking up. When he met Jean’s eyes, Jean only said, “Focus on what’s important.” “I am,” Jeremy said. Jean opened his mouth, closed it again, and let go of Jeremy without a word. Jeremy snagged his arm when he started to turn away. “Who did this to you?”

I'm sorry did he just

“It’s not about size, anyway.” “Defensive,” Jean said, tugging his glove straps with his teeth. Jeremy straightened in indignation. “I don’t have anything to be defensive about.” Jean lost his grip and bit his lip, and Jeremy hurried on before either of them could think too much about that double entendre.

“Say ‘yes, Jeremy’.” He had the distinct impression Jean wanted to roll his eyes. “Yes, Jeremy.” Jeremy forgot everything else he could have said in favor of staring. It was the first time he’d heard Jean say his name.

Are you seeing this? Yes? Good, let's go on

“If I ever make you uncomfortable or make you feel unsafe, will you promise to tell me? If you don’t trust me enough to tell me what’s wrong and why, at least trust me enough to tell me that something is wrong. I can’t fix things if I don’t know there’s a problem. As your captain and your partner, don’t I at least deserve the chance to not be a villain in your story?”

The pool bit :'( and after when they tell there are no pools at Evermore. Riko is so lucky to already be dead :)

You’re forcing us to hurt you without giving us any say in the matter.”

Watching Jean trying to navigate his interactions with the Trojans was painful, frustrating but also hopeful. This boy has been hurt so much and so often, he doesn't get what normal looks like anymore. But the Trojans don't let him get away with it (even if it breaks their heart and the coaches will probably get a lot of grey hair from this)

"Your safety and happiness will always be more important than our season.” “You are naïve.” “Maybe you’ll define success by how we do this season, but I’m not obligated to do the same. You are going to be my success story: Jean Moreau the person, not Jean Moreau of the perfect Court. You take care of one, and I’ll take care of the other.” “That is not how it works.” “Is there a rule against it?” “There is no merit to it. This is all I am.” Jeremy ignored that and asked again, “Is there a rule against it?”

Jeremy gay panicking and the photo of Renee

The floozy line!

Every time Jeremy goes "our coaches" or "our teammates" all I can think in my head is "someone will die" "of fun!!!!"

Jean wondering if the Trojans have something against recruiting tall players xD

“Thank you for worrying about them. You’re a good man, Jean Moreau.” “A ridiculous sentiment,” he said. “I mean it,”

This man didn't even second guess himself, he had to ask because he knew and it didn't even occur to him to be silent. Excuse me sir? Shut up you are a good man

“I assumed the Trojans were idiots,” Jean said. “Now I think you are all insane.” “It’s a step up,” Cody said. “I’ll take it.”

The practices, the scars pt2

“It is all I am, Coach.”

“We did not want outsiders at Evermore.” “Except Neil,” Cat said. “Neil was a special case,” Jean allowed.

#accurate

You’re hurting me.” “It has been toward for five years,” Jean said, looking past Jeremy at the scrimmage that was still going on without them. “It is not that easy to undo.” Jeremy frowned at him and echoed, “Five? You were only with the Ravens for three.” “I moved into Evermore two years before I enrolled,” Jean said, and hauled Jeremy to one side. The stray ball that had been coming for them ricocheted off his chest instead of Jeremy’s back, and Jean scooped it up on the rebound with a quick snap of his wrist. He hurled it across the court toward Cody one-handed before finally letting go of Jeremy. “I will try harder.”

The notebooks breakdown hurt so bad bc Cat and Laila being angry for him (they are all of us), Jeremy trying to mediate bc he's been there, he pushed and Jean broke and he doesn't want to hurt him, and Jean who confesses his secrets without meaning to, just to realize and panic. What a recipe for a disaster.

“How dare they blame you for anything after what they did to you. How dare you grieve them.” It hit like a sucker punch, but Jean’s frustrated rejoinder was worse: “They don’t know.”

They don't know, but they could guess. They could smell the blood. They joked about his brittle bones. He was sixteen. I'm not sorry for the mercy I don't have after finishing this book

Jeremy could only watch in wretched silence as Jean tried to walk himself back from the edge. He cast his phone aside in favor of catching Jean’s face in his hands, and the way Jean flinched at his touch was almost his undoing. “Hey,” he said quietly. “Hey. Jean. Look at me.” Jean refused, and Jeremy grasped desperately for anything that could bring Jean back to him. He seized on the only thing he could and threw Jean’s words back at him: “You are Jean Moreau. Your place is here with me, with us. I’m your captain. You’re my partner. We’re supposed to be doing this together, aren’t we? Stop leaving me behind. Look at me.” It wouldn’t work, but it did. Jean opened his eyes to meet Jeremy’s stare. “I told you not to ask me about him.”

I had seen the quote before reading but no one told me what followed ç.ç

He felt a tremor in Jean’s hands, and for a blinding moment he was sure Jean would lean into the safety of this silent confession. But Jean only sucked in a slow breath and said, “Now I am not safe with you, captain.” Letting go of Jean was the hardest thing Jeremy had ever done. Everything in him railed against this, and for a moment he regretted giving Jean a way out.

I was not crying, I swear.

“I’m sorry,” Jeremy said, because he didn’t have the strength for small talk or a softer approach right now. “Did Riko break your hand?”

That was one heavy conversation and it's just the start (Jeremy is Not Fine™️)

He is not used to having a voice, and he has never had power. I cannot promise he will ever talk to you.” “I will wait as long as it takes,” Jeremy said.

Still best boy

And maybe in many ways he still was, but a martyr could still be a monster when the cameras weren’t rolling.

Boy do I have news for you (do you think Jeremy will know that Riko didn't kill himself? Does it matter? I think not knowing this particular detail would be fine, I still don't really know how much this sunshine boy can take (more than I expected but still))

Did I mention that I really love the apartment trio? Cat and Laila agreeing to silence but still being angry (drag them girls, draaaaag them), the dinner and movie and Jean not getting up to leave

Did I mention Lucas is free to shut up and play? :) Because I get that you are angry, but 1) it's not your decision to make, we don't need your conspiracy theories 2) it's not Jean problem, he has enough of them leave him alone

“Ask him why he’s so sure the rumors are true. Ask him what his part in it was. If you’re going to believe him just because he’s blood, then at least make him tell you the truth.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” Lucas demanded.

And Jean still deciding not to lie, he may be an asshole but almost everyone he has known didn't deserve him

Also I don't know where Lucas got the audacity? You think there is something the justifies breaking a player's ribs?? What is wrong with you, you are part of the sunshine court

The dread when asking if Grayson was home

The bike ride :')

Now that they were settled, he expected an interrogation or a reason for this unscheduled trip out. When she failed to explain herself, Jean finally asked, “Why are we here?” “I love it here,” [...] “I don’t know. I just felt like some fresh air would do you good. There’s nothing like a ride to get you out of your head and into the moment, you know?” Jean considered that for a minute. “Thank you.”

Jean waited until he was out of earshot. “I don’t understand.” “Trust us,” Jeremy said tiredly. “Neither do we.”

Jean vs the Trojans, a summary

The monster shows up and it was a mess and Jean has never had a break, literally never

Which was extremely literal bc Lucas wanted to talk and then Neil shows up

I need a separate post for the last pages bc I started this 24 h ago and I want to do it justice. So part 2 coming.

Edit: I misspelled Jean's surname *facepalms and goes to hide*

[ifitmeanslosingyouthenno]

it's too late for holy water now

day 13 whumptober prompt: alternative, “secrets revealed”

tw: semi graphic violence, non detailed non con, talk about suicide (please tell me if i should add something more)

the door to his room slamming open is what makes him bolt awake, fear and adrenaline flooding his system at once 

he struggles to see in the darkness, panicking and shoving the blankets away from him in his haste to get up

“it’s me, it’s just me”

jean, it’s just jean

he sighs in relief, eyes adjusting enough he can recognize the faint form of his partner, tall and lanky and endlessly familiar. he was away for an interview with riko, but he’s back and he seems physically fine and that’s all that matters.

“jesus christ, did you have to scare me like that, i thought–”

“he knows,” jean whispers in frantic french, and neil’s alarm comes right back, “i don’t know how he found out, but he knows, i couldn’t do anything to stop it, and–”

“jean, stop, breathe, who knows what?”

neil moves to turn on the small lamp on their shared bedside table, and is filled with fear at the horror written in jean’s face

he jumps out of the bed, having to stand on his tip toes to gently guide jean’s eyes to his, to hold jean’s face with scarred and bandaged fingers

“breathe, jean, what happened?”

jean looks at him with so much sadness, so much pity, but his eyes are clearer

he doesn’t know his words are going to throw his world off its axis

“riko knows about you and andrew”

no

no

no no no anything but this, no–

he lets go of jean’s face, shaking his head, refusing to believe jean’s words because there is no way riko found out, they’ve been careful, he has been careful, and andrew knows to be careful and there’s no way this is happening

his lungs are burning, his gaze is blurring and his breath is coming through ragged gasps

and god he’s been so fucking stupid, he knew that they would never be safe, that he would be putting andrewin danger for daring to want, for daring to care and love anyone who wasn’t riko

he’s so fucking stupid and oh my fucking god what if he goes after andrew again, what if he hurts him again, and what if he fucking dies because of him and–

“neil, you little bastard, i know okay, im sorry, and i know how scary this is but you need to focus,” jean’s terrified and shaky voice breaks through to him, and neil drags in a funny excuse of a breath, “what do we do? what happens now–”

right, right, he needs to get his shit together, he needs to find a solution

not for him, never for him, he’s way past being saved from this, but andrew can be saved

he doesn’t remember sitting on the floor, doesn’t remember when he got in this curled up position, but jean is kneeling in front of him, a careful hand on neil’s shoulder

andrew can be saved and so can jean, he thinks with sudden clarity

“jean you need to leave”

“what are you– where are we going?”

“no, not we, you need to leave”

“don’t even think about it, i’m not going anywhere without you”

“yes you are, you’re going to palmetto and you’re going to warn andrew about this, you’re going to make sure he’s safe–”

“if i go, who’s going to keep you safe?”

“you know as much as he wants to hurt me, he can’t kill me, but he can kill andrew, and if andrew dies because of me, i will never forgive myself” 

he chokes out the last words and he hopes, he begs jean understands, because if something happens to andrew, neil would not be able to live with himself

he doesn’t think he would survive being the reason andrew is gone

jean’s eyes are teary, looking anywhere but neil, trying to find another solution at the very least, trying to figure out a way they all survive this

neil can’t let him waste more time

“jean i need you to go to andrew, i can’t– if he dies because of me i’m going to follow him”

he knows it’s unfair, knows it’s wrong and cruel and inexcusable, knows he’s hurting jean in ways he can’t forgive himself from hurting him

but it’s what’s going to move him to do this

if he can’t keep them all safe, at least jean and andrew will make it

they have to

“jean you don’t have much time, you have to go–”

“no, no, we promised to don’t– we said we wouldn't do that, that we wouldn’t hurt ourselves or–”

it breaks his heart to put jean in so much distress, but he needs to 

“no jean, i made you promise to never do it again, but i never promised you anything”

tears are falling down jean’s cheeks now, and despite his shaky hands, despite the betrayed look in jean’s eyes, neil moves to wipe them away

“i wish there way another way, but you need to leave jean,” it makes his skin crawl, it makes him want to light himself on fire, but he needs to make jean go, “please jean”

jean flinches as if neil has punched him, and his eyes hold nothing but terror and resentment and hatred

good, if it’s going to make him leave, let jean hate him, let jean resent him, let jean feel whatever he has to feel

neil can take it, even if it breaks him 

jean doesn’t even look at him as he opens the drawer they keep the keys they stole years ago from tetsuji’s office for neil’s car, and shoves clothes in a bag carelessly, before making for the door

neil pretends it doesn’t hurt even if his chest feels tight and he wants to throw up and

“i hope he’s truly worth everything you’re losing, nathaniel”

it’s a low blow, one he deserves, one that hurts him the way the word please hurt jean

he knows he deserves it but it doesn’t take the ache away

before he knows it, he’s alone, in the dark, waiting, waiting, waiting for the devil to come claim his soul

he told jean riko can’t kill him, but he’s not half sure of the fact

he knows riko will stop at nothing 

before he knows it, the door to his room is slamming open again and riko enters the room with his crueler ravens behind him, taking a second to scan the room before he’s picking up neil from the floor and slamming him against the wall

“where the fuck is moreau nathaniel?”

neil summons as much fake courage as he can, and smiles his father’s smile, “gone”

riko punches him straight in the mouth, once twice thrice, sending him tumbling to the floor, head bouncing off the foot of the bed hard enough that he’s left dazed, ears ringing, vision blurring once more in what feels like hours but could only have been minutes

his hair is gripped harshly, and riko drags him to his bed, straddling his hips and wrapping his hands around neil’s throat with enough force to hurt but not enough to kill him just yet

“so what, first you whore yourself out to any man out there who looks at you with pretty eyes despite the fact that you are mine and mine alone, and then you get rid of my number three?”

neil is losing it, but he forces himself to smile, forces himself to get the conversation flowing in the direction he wants to, knowing he’ll regret it

it’s for jean and andrew’s safety, not his

“who said i’m yours, you psychotic little bitch–”

riko punches him, again and again and again and again and–

“you belong to me, nathaniel, not some fucking bastard mongrel, you have my name signed in your soul, you have my number in your face, you are mine to do as i fucking please, and you will not forget that” 

he flicks his knife open, slicing his shirt through and pressing the tip of his knife to his scarred skin, and neil jolts at the pain, only succeeding in pressing harsher on his throat

riko smiles a wild thing

“you’ve forgotten who owns you, but that’s okay, your king, your owner will remind you, and i’ll make sure no one ever forgets it”

neil loses time after that, is pretty sure that he loses consciousness too, as riko so kindly carves his name into neil’s skin over and over again, deeply enough that it will scar uglily, deep enough that it will never fade away

deep enough that his bed is squishy with his own blood after riko figures his name is written enough times on neil’s skin and neil hates himself for daring to want something that he wasn’t allowed to

he was foolish to think he could bite back the hand of his owner

“there, neither you nor anyone will forget who you belong to nathaniel, isn’t that right?” neil can do nothing but whimper in pain despite himself, “now, to prove that i can do whatever i fucking want with you, why don’t you let the boys here have some fun huh? why don’t you show them how much fun you can be my love?”

nathaniel feels nothing but pain in the next few hours, pain and agony and shame and guilt and regret and

and he feels nothing at all by the time riko kneels next to his bed and presses a kiss to his forehead

“make sure to never forget again, will you nathaniel? you know how much it hurts me to have to punish you, but you leave me no other option.” he stands there, pressing his fingers into the bites in his shoulder hard enough that neil flinches with what little energy he has left. riko just smiles. “be at practice in the morning, or else.”

nathaniel is left alone, in the darkness, in pain, unable to move and covered in blood and sweat and come and–

he can’t stop the tears from falling as he realizes he has to patch himself back together on his own, he has to clean himself and force himself to stand up and make himself push through on his own

he doesn’t know how to anymore

he told jean riko can’t kill him and he was right

what he didn’t tell jean was that by the end of it, he would wish he was dead

im actually sorry i wrote this and cried several times while doing it remain safe everyone <3 title from anger by sleeping at last bc i couldn't find a song who fit the vibe and theme better

[thissortofsorcery]

You thought I wasn't going to do anything for HarringroveWeek... Well, so did I! But then this bug bit me in the ass and I couldn't resist. This is the first chapter of that Modern!AU prompt I posted a few days ago, but it can be read as a stand-alone. Good luck to all of us.

I mix-and-matched a couple prompts for chapter one:

SURPRISE: Steve Harrington’s Closet During His Spring Break Party Cake Slice: Can of Pringles That’s Not Frosting: For the Very First Time

Rating: E Wordcount: 5.8k

Just to Keep The World at Bay

Post game parties are always something else. 

They all start out the same: someone from the team invites a few others over, someone else's older sibling scores them a couple beers, soon enough half the school has taken over a schmuck's house and there's a keg in the backyard if they're lucky. 

Tonight's schmuck happens to be Harrington.

It's the first party Billy's seen at his house since he moved to Hawkins in October, but it's been even longer since he's had any friends to invite over for so much as a tea party, according to Tommy. 

It was the start of the basketball season, and the Hawkins Tigers were off to a good start. Couldn't not be, with Billy on the team. He'd scored half the points on that board, even if he'd just joined last month, and the team slammed back into the locker room hollering Billy's name and salivating for a party. Tommy's parents were home, though, and so were Jack's, and Tina's. And no way they were going to throw a party at Billy's house, even if Neil wasn’t home.

The locker room went silent then, and everyone looked at Harrington. They all knew his house was always free. 

And wasn't that just like high school bullshit, throw you out one second and pick you back up when you're useful again? The team started buttering Harrington up right then, cajoling him, but it looked like there was no swaying him. Until Billy opened his mouth, that is.

"What, Harrington?" Billy said, buttoning up his shirt in front of his locker. "You scared you don't have it in you to throw a party anymore? Gonna watch Supergirl and go to bed at nine?"

Harrington stared at him for almost a minute with the same look he wore that night at the Byers house, that half-narrowed one that looked like he was coming out to play, before he said,

"Fine," with his voice tight, like his chest was coiled, like he wanted to spring on Billy. Billy wanted him to. "Nine. You dipshits find the keg."

Billy couldn't resist clapping him on the shoulder and saying,

“Maybe you got some fire in you after all, Harrington,” before following them out.

He was playing with fire, after the last time he said that exact sentence, but Billy was anything but cautious. 

He was curious to see what kind of party this was going to be, what with Harrington being removed from the popular crowd for so long. 

You wouldn't know that, looking at him now. Harrington looks good in a white t-shirt and jeans, beer in hand and bouncing to the music booming in the living room. His hair is everywhere, and there's a faint layer of sweat covering his skin, making him glow in the low light of the party, shirt sticking to his skin. Billy wants to lick him all over.

A girl comes over to hang on Harrington's arm, and he turns to dance with her, smiling wide and ducking down to talk in her ear, and Billy turns away. He'd been staring too long anyway. He knows better than that.

He makes his way to the kitchen, passes people making out in the hallway, sees Dan the Man over by the punch bowl yammering on to another player about pure fuel or whatever the fuck, and grabs another beer out of the ice packed sink. Pulls his phone out of his jacket pocket when it buzzes.

It's from Maxine. 

neil passed out in the living room

He texts a thumbs up back and deletes both their messages from his phone. He'll have to sneak in through his window, now, and be more sober than he planned on being so he doesn't make any noise. Fucking wonderful.

His phone buzzes again.

ur welcome asshole

Billy just deletes the text and pockets the phone, moving out of the kitchen and back to where the noise is louder.

He downs half his beer before he's back in the living room, inserting himself into the crowd of dancing people. Billy doesn't spot Harrington again, and he tells himself he isn't looking. He lets himself go to the feeling of bodies pressing against his, lets the music make his ears thrum, gets his arms around a pretty girl or two.

Tommy finds him and drags him to the keg a while later, and Billy breaks his own record at forty-four seconds, relishing in the feeling of his lungs burning and begging for air, of the blood rushing to his head, imagines he's wiped out under a wave and is going to find his way above the water any second now.

Billy gets down hollering, spitting out beer, just like the first time, and Tommy's got an arm over his shoulder, yelling and filming them on his phone. 

Billy gets his face close to the phone screen and licks the camera, yelling, "Fuck you, Hawkins!" 

"Gross, Hargrove," Tommy wipes the screen on his shirt, but doesn't let go of Billy.

"I better not find that shit going viral."

"Relax, old man," Tommy says, dragging him over to a cooler of beers next to the sliding glass doors. "I'm not an idiot, my account's private."

Billy grunts, not entirely satisfied. Tommy may get away with posting drunk shit online all the time, but Billy sure as hell won't. His dad doesn't use social media, but Susan is on Facebook for her sewing club and some MLM shit she almost got caught up in back in California. He might snatch Tommy's phone later and delete it.

The beers are icy cold, at least, in goddamn December in Indiana. The backyard is full of people despite the cold, the same music from the living room playing outside. Figures Harrington would have fancy outdoor speakers to match his fancy pool, Billy thinks.

Someone else is trying to do a keg stand and failing, with a crowd of people filming them, and there are people dancing out on the patio and on the grass, either drinking or smoking or both. Some are just sat around talking, and Billy frowns when he spots Carol sitting on a pool chair and chatting with Harrington, of all people.

"What's going on over there?" Billy points to them with his beer.

Read more on AO3

[perfecteggpartyland]

if u want answers to ur points ig ill give it a shot:

"Neil is biased." - Yeah, but it's not really a point. You can acknowledge this, and still agree with Neil.

"What about Jean?" - Again, doesn't really matter. Whether Jean is seen as a coward or not has no bearing on whether Kevin is seen as one or not. They don't even really behave all that similarly either, Jean is closer to Neil in behaviours in many ways.

"Kevin's character grows and changes." - I'd agree. Whether people view Kevin as starting the first steps in changing or having completely changed is a readers perspective however. Personality traits don't just dissappear, Kevin may still act 'cowardly' post canon. In the same way, Neil is often post-canon treated as having urges to run or to behave in dangerous ways (taking care of his own serious injuries DIY style, keeping a packed bag to help with anxiety about having to run, etc). Readers often like to explore key character traits even after the text itself has suggested they might have overcome them, or began to at least. And I don't really see an issue with this treatment of either Kevin or Neil, it's just something fans tend to enjoy doing, to explore the characters further.

"Neil's bravery had negative consequences." - You've said this one a lot, and I don't really get your point. Whether the actions are brave or not aren't based on the consequences. At the very least, that's not a universal perspective, so I'm not sure what you were going for.

"The other Foxes flaws don't get used like this." - I'd disagree. I pointed out the Neil thing, but it gets done to Andrew, Nicky, Aaron, etc. Fan work always tends to do this. Aaron's homophobia is exaggerated, Andrew's violence and controlling tendencies are, Nickys lack of boundaries are, and so on.

"Neil had nothing to lose." - Again, don't really see how this matters. Regardless, Neil was still afraid and had to push through that. And he did have his life to lose. And by the third book, the Foxes too. The thought of losing these two things upset and scared him, its shown explicitly in the text. I think people often make it out like Neil didn't care that he'd die, but it's not true. Its shown in the books to not be true.

"Neil doesnt know the power the Moriyamas have." - Just flat not true. Neil finds out the Moriyamas are part of the Japanese mafia in the first handful of pages of the first book. Long before he's had to meet any Moriyamas personally. So, by the time he does, he knows. And he obviously knows how serious the mafia is, he's the son of two mafia crime families.

I think that's everything?

First of all thanks for discussion; I mean in everything regarding Kevin 99% is all Kevin is a coward and he always stays that way; I'm all about exploring characters traits ; also I think I'm referring to Kevin/jean as both of them grow up in same circumstances and I'm wondering what makes Kevin a coward and if jean is by the same logic; also while Neil does find out that moriyamas are mafia he still doesnt realize what they can do if that makes sense ? Like jean/Kevin know riko but Neil even after roasting him on live tv and riko goes after Seth; he still does antagonize him and it still ends up destroying property of the foxes; like I think someone already said this in my anons that Kevin's beheviour can be both cowardly and understandable since both Neil and Kevin are just trying to survive; Neil's behaviour can be both brave and reckless/impulsive; since even after knowing what confronting riko does in the end and that it always affects People around him he still does it and can't keep his temper in check ; so it ends up hurting another lot ;, I think he didn't grasp and didn't care what riko would do to other People; unlike Kevin/jean who knows how riko is 🤷so I think that's a huge part as in why Neil is more likely to talk but to riko

[jeanmoreaux]

okay enough time has passed: theories predictions hopes dreams fears what are you expecting from TSC

so. while my mind is still processing the tsc announcement i think i am finally read to try and answer this ask djdjdjjdjd ((had to add a read more because this got longer than i intended 🧍🏼‍♀️))

nora said it’s about jean learning to live, so i assume the story will either overlap a little with the og series’ timeline or begin with jean’s start at usc (or somewhere close to that). i don’t expect a bigger time jump than that tbh. also, thinking about pov i assume it’s single narrator/main focalizer (hopefully jean!). i’d be very surprised by a multiple pov narration happening—doesn’t really feel like a nora thing to do. to me. also i assume it's gonna be a one book thing. not a series.

i do not expect the foxes to be a big part of the story beyond maybe seeing them at a banquet or championship game. i cannot even see renee being a big part of the plot tbh. ((but don’t be fooled i will eat up these glimpse for sure)) nora seemed so. hesitant? to touch tfc that i don’t assume she wants to include them much.

we have no idea how long the book is going to be, but i assume it’s not gonna be longer than tkm? so as much as i love jerejean i don’t think it’s gonna be a thing nora is going to explore with this story. not just because of things she said in the past, but also because i think it would be hard to deal with jean working through his trauma and moving on to live life and not just exist AND develop a relationship. ((same goes for the renee/jean pairing tbh)). and i am fine with that. the most important thing for me about this book will be jean and seeing him heal and adjust and get better. i don’t NEED more. if we get more that’s great too, but i have my doubts about that.

i assume we will still get a decent amount of jeremy and jean interactions because i can really see jeremy (as captain but also just as the person i assume him to be) to take on the responsibility of caring for jean and help him recover from everything he has been through with riko and tetsuji. i think not matter what happens he’ll have a big part in helping jean navigate his new environment.

and omg do i expect jean to STRUGGLE!! the trojans are THEE anti-thesis to the ravens in attitude so i see jean really being a slightly disruptive force at first. while i think he’ll adjust to the trojan way i cannot see him being like the others. he’ll always be a little different but i think it will make the trojans stronger (i can totally see jean teach them raven drills lol).

now moving on from that and more into trojans and exy territory I WANT TO SEE THE TEAM DYNAMIC SO BAD. and i am sure we will see it. i want to see the trojans be soooo patient with jean and absorb his anger and hurt and trauma and transform it into something bearable. i want for jean to HAVE FUN playing exy and not just play it because he has to. i want him to really fall in love with the sport in a way that is not affected by the fact that the moriyama still own his game.

at the same time i want to see him build a life outside of exy. i want him to de-centre exy and find hobbies that fulfill him. i want him to have genuine friends. i want him to spend time like other 20 somethings. i want him to get a taste for a normal life and mundanity. and i want him to like it. i want him to learn to sit in that feeling of just. being okay. without the fear of things going sideways at any time. i want for tenderness and not violence to become the norm.

as for stuff i’d LOVE to see. i know i just said i don’t expect to see much of the foxes, i would kill for a jean and kevin interaction that has them Talk to each other about the past and the present and maybe even the future. not sure we’ll get that but a girl can dream. i honestly don’t expect a neil and jean reunion. but who knows? ((also. maybe jean reuniting with his sister??? that would be something wouldn’t it.))

i am a little scared and a little nervous to see what tsc will be about and how jean’s story will play out, but i do trust nora to do the characters and the story and us justice. ((that doesn’t necessarily mean giving us what we want but the story as a whole being a good fit for her characters and the aftg thesis of exploring life after trauma)). i also hope she won’t mess with aftg too much. i don’t think she will. but just to have it said.

in the end the only thing i want out of tsc is jean getting to a point where he feels okay and sees a future for himself that makes him want to live rather than simply exist. i want to see him embrace his new found freedom and get hobbies and interests and friends and break out of ravens’ nest MENTALLY for good. i want him to be able to look at himself in the mirror and be okay with the person he is. and excited to become the person he’s slowly becoming. i want him to learn to live life in the sun <3

[fivescocoa]

kevin’s love of exy goes way beyond normal dedication and straight to special interest levels. it’s all he Wants to talk about and every aspect of his life and motivations ties back to exy. like, seth dies and his first reaction is how this impacts his special interests. a clear social faux pas to most, but he’s entirely unaware that there’s anything wrong with responding to a death of a teammate in this manner.

his exy skills are all pattern recognition and stats based. he’s calculating angles of shots and the like all in the moment, rather than playing with heart like neil. it’s very logical and strategic.

his alcohol dependency also screams of asd to me. he takes exy so so seriously but he puts it in danger with his excessive alcohol use and cracker dust because he Can’t cope without this crutch. also just. clubs are sensory nightmares.

looping back to how he is socially.

hes incredibly blunt, with those in his inner circle he doesnt sugarcoat anything. he says what he means. if he thinks you’re playing like shit he straight up says that, not with the intent to belittle but to get things to his high standards.

his public persona has heavy masking energy. he’s mimicking his media training recycling words he’d been taught and his smiles are practiced and perfected. half the time we see him with the public persona on in a non interview / media circumstance, he’s not sober, using that crutch again to get him through. i’m thinking about the first winter banquet where he mingled very amicably with the other teams (after being scared half to death by the ravens and neils past). and he’s absolutely WIPED after this banquet, i would say not only because of riko’s bullshit but because of the masking. the exhaustion is evident both in neil suggesting he talk to kevin and andrew telling neil “you can have him tomorrow” knowing that kevin couldnt handle anything more that night. then the next day kevin is literally just Sitting in the middle of the court. he didnt spend his time waiting for neil by running the stairs with andrew or doing exy warm ups. hes just sitting in the comfort of the court in Silence.

in the same vein i think constantly about in tkm after ichirou makes the deal with neil to have neil, kevin and jean be main family investments, it’s REALLY Noticeably hard for kevin to handle this change.

this quote: “Kevin couldn't recover that quickly from having his world upended, though, and was distracted the entire afternoon. He missed shots he should have made with his eyes closed and spent his breaks sitting alone in the stands.”

cannot convince me this wasn’t an autistic shutdown. everything about his life shifted on a dime. riko has no claim on him any longer, his entire future looks entirely different to what he’d always imagined it to be, and now the main mafia family has an interest in him. that’s A LOT of new, and he collapses in on himself.

also as theyre at dinner, neil has this thought “Neil wanted to say Andrew was conserving all his energy for Kevin's quiet meltdown, but he wasn't sure how to say it without drawing Andrew's ire.”

where we get neil saying kevin is having a “quiet meltdown” which is quite literally the equivalent of a shutdown. hes imploding on himself. and, of course, with the way he grew up all his meltdowns happen in silent destruction, hurting no one but himself.

i could talk about autistic kevin day for an eternity. its SO important to me

I sense autism in kevin day but i cant remeber scenes were he showed any signs. Like its just have a feeling. Anyone remeber any autistic coded moments?