#James Marriott x reader

[e1izaaxkles]

hi hi could i have james marriott nsfw hcs if thats ok ? :3

Omg bet I’m so glad I’m getting James Marriott asks hehe

I chose afab!reader

Minors dni!!!

Calls you darling in bed (BRUH HIM SAYING DARLING- I ALMOST FAINTED ON THE STREAM FROM THE OTHER DAY🤭)

“Darling, you can take it. I know you can.” Or “It’s just my fingers, darling.”

Mostly a service dom but if you ask correctly (give him a blowjob) he’ll let you dom

I think he likes his hair being pulled on, like you’re riding him or he’s eating you out and you give a small tug to his hair? Oh, he’s done for.

If you’re on his stream he might put his hand on your thigh and slowly drag his hand up, maybe even teasing you through your underwear

If you’re being bad the worst he’ll do is edge you for a few hours. But- if you start to really beg he’ll probably cave in

He’d prob think about you giving him a blowjob while he streams but then he remembers that he just gets up too much.

I could see him being vocal

LOTS OF PRAISE

He probably talks a lot

“How does this feel, sweetheart?”

“It feels good, James- don’t- don’t stop-“

He needs reassurance that it feels good and you’re comfortable with what he’s doing.

CONSENT KING 👑

“I-is this okay, love? No, don’t just nod. I need words, darling.”

The first time you guys did it he was probably very anxious that he wasn’t good enough.

Takes lots of pictures

And maybe even videos

Love, love, loves sweet morning sex !!!

He’ll try anything you would like him to

When you top he calls you miss, mistress or ma’am

“P-please Mistress! Please, I’ll be a good boy!”

I hope you liked these, anon! It took me some thinking lol. And this is my first James ask! But, keep ‘em coming!

[kkpixivangel]

how does this man look like a GODDAMN sleeping beauty AIUHAAIHIUHUEIH HES SO HOT

[breezy141]

INSPIRED - james marriott masterlist

any quotes in this are from pinterest !! i did not come up with any quotes or names of books !!

throwing your head back in annoyance you could not figure out what to write, to say you were currently dealing with writers block was an understatement. every time you thought of something to write, your brain would pick it apart and in the end it sounded absolutely ridiculous.

you were quite a popular author, you wrote books of quotes; some happy, some sad, some lustful, some angry and some romantic ones. you dabbled in full books, but they took more of a creative mind and you didn’t believe you were ready for that level yet.

the series of books was under the name the smell of books, they are the most popular amongst the more young people. people often posted pages on their insta stories, tagging you in them, which helped gain you a little more popularity.

but right now, you were sat at your desk, head thrown back and eyes closed. it was hard being an author, sometimes you will have moments where you are full of creativity and excited to write, other times you dread sitting down with your book and pen as you have nothing to jot down. it was already late at night which was only making you more anxious.

the sound of the door being pushed open startled you a little, turning around you saw your sweet boyfriend. “oh! i’m sorry i didn’t know you were in here, thought you were in bed” smiling to yourself, you shook your head.

“it’s okay, i came to write but i don’t really know what to write. you came to stream?” you asked leaning back in your chair further. he nodded softly, “if that’s alright with you darling, i don’t want to distract you or anything”

“it’s okay, i promise james.” he nodded and gave you a kiss on the forehead as he walked by, he sat at his own desk and set up a couple things.

“so, no inspiration at all?” he spoke looking over at you, you shook your head feeling quite annoyed at yourself. you used to be so good in thinking of things on the spot, you loved it but now it was almost like you were running out of fuel.

“i’m sorry angel, i wish i could help; i believe you will figure it out though, you have a creative mind and always find a way” smiling sweetly at him, you thanked him for his kind words and went back to staring into space thinking.

after a while, james began speaking to his twitch chat and reacting to tik toks sent to him. it was funny watching his reaction, but what was even better was watching him laugh at such silly things.

you caught yourself smiling at the fact of him laughing, it was a cute laugh, one that could immediately light up a room. his outgoing and precious personality was so attractive to you, whether it was for a camera or not. he was amazing and extremely perfect to you.

as you watched james many ideas came to you, you picked up your pen and began writing with ease.

“he looks just like a dream, the prettiest boy i’ve ever seen”

“he found his happy in me. like i found mine in him. in us. in this.”

“a may be the writer, but you’ll always be the words”

“home is whenever i’m with you”

“when he calls me pretty i feel like i’m floating”

and many more.

giggling to yourself, you were happy you managed to get more then 2 quotes down. james noticed your sudden happiness and smiled to himself, remembering to ask you about it all once he was done.

you closed up your book and put your pen in the mug james hand painted for you as a random gift one day. stretching your arms above your head, you dragged yourself over to james and gave him a kiss on his cheek before waving him goodbye and dragging yourself further to the bedroom.

-

you were all cozied up in bed, one of james large t-shirts on paired with some cotton pink pj shorts. otto laid on your stomach giving you your own personal hot water bottle, and a large fluffy blanket was lazily thrown over you. focusing on the book in front of you, you didn’t even realise james had opened the bedroom door and made his way over to the bed.

jumping at his presence, he chuckled a bit. “i noticed you had managed to get a couple things wrote down” he got into something more cozy and had slipped under the blanket with you.

“a couple is a understatement, i got loads wrote down. loads of inspiration too” you placed your book on the bed side table and cuddled up to james, otto soon jumped off of the bed and found his way into his own bed.

“oh yeah? what kind things did you write?” he asked genuinely curious. “hmm, you can’t know yet. just know it was heavily influenced by you” he raised his eyebrows and smiled.

“your adorable, i love you” he said kissing you slowly, it was full of love and passion. “i’m proud of you for sticking to your job, instead of giving up like some people do” snuggling closer, you breathed in deeply, breathing in his musky scent. a scent you loved always.

[cherryy-slushy]

SAY IT WITH ME.

I love james Marriott. I love James Marriott. I love James Marriott. I love James Marriott. I love James Marriott. I love James Marriott. I love James Marriott. I love James Marriott. I love James Marriott. I love James Marriott. I love James Marriott. I love James Marriott. I love James Marriott. I love James Marriott. I love James Marriott. I love James Marriott.

[despairat6oclock]

Espresso Hearts

Synopsis: an artist and musician who finds comfort in a stranger's silence.

fem! Reader x James Marriott

Word Count: 890~

Contains: Fluff

Warnings: none really

[m.list]

The soft settle glow of the sun painted a perfect picturesque scene as it fluttered through the coffee shop windows.

The golden light casting perfectly across the wooden floors of the shop. The shop was less crowded than usual at this hour, giving the chance to actually acquire a seat and get some work done.

On his daily coffee run, James took his time walking down the path to his favorite coffee shop. The sky had just the perfect amount of clouds that painted the perfect backdrop without it being too chilly.

A soft hum of amusement evaporated against James’ vocal cords at the sight of a not so clustered shop at this hour.

With his laptop, and small pocket book, James was now grateful he had packed the two mediums; maybe he could find some inspiration.

And maybe that inspiration was perched inside a corner also searching for the same.

Ordering his usual, fingers tapping against the counter top as he waits for his drink, James takes a look around.

Majority of the shop's tiny booths were filled, with a few empty scattered around James would have to settle with. Unless.

Lounging beside the window, the sun perfectly highlighting her like she was a beacon he was always meant to find.

Mindlessly sketching inside a leather bound notebook, hair pulled back into a loose ponytail with a few strands hanging out and a sweater the color of green leafs in springs.

With his iced coffee in hand, James makes his way over to the enticing women in the far corner.

“Excuse me... I was wondering if I could sit here? Just for a few minutes.” James pips up, nerves igniting within him.

“Go ahead” was just a soft mutter from between her lips, nothing more and nothing less. Not even a glance at him.

The chair screeching against the floor it's dragged upon, James sat directly across from her. Eyes not so secretly appearing down onto the pages of abstract lines and void of color. Besides her was a half drinking plastic cup of matcha and a barely touched espresso glass that had a perfect peachy lipstick stain.

Pulling out his own notebook and laptop, James took this opportunity to revise some lyrics that had been racking his brain.

Minutes tick by so quickly, that half an hour had gone and both barely moved a muscle or breathed a word. The music of a pencil rough against parchment led James' eyes to the women's notebook once again.

The lines that had seemed to lead nowhere was now a perfect contracted top-half of a person. With an oddly familiar pair of glasses and disheveled hair, and the same tuff on the collar of the jacket as James wore.

She must have felt James staring, as her eyes worked their way up to his as they gazed down at her work.

Her hand spreads out across the paper, each digit attempting to hide what was already seen.

“I'm James”

His smile held a charismatic charm he was unaware he had.

“Y/N”

She answered with a simple nod, her voice the same soft pitch as before.

James' smile never flatters as he presses save on his document and focuses back onto her.

“You come here often?”

“Some mornings after a run,” Chewing her bottom lip as her eyes don't know where to land. “And you?”

“Most days, it's a part of my little morning routine.”

Gesturing towards the scene of the notebook and laptop laid before him with her chin, “What are you working on?”

“A song”

“You're a musician?”

“Mhm.”

Seeming to take it in with a nod, “Can I hear something of yours?”

Trying to play off the heat that rises onto his cheeks, pulling out some earbuds before offering one to her.

“Here uh…”

Palms clammy as he pulls up an audio file that starts playing a bit too loud. Causing both to wince as James hurried to lower the volume.

“Sorry sorry!”

Awkwardly chuckling while he intensely observed her. Each small head movement and quite hum a criticism he mentally wrote down.

“You're really good”

“Really?” Stumbling over his syllables as he quickly takes back the earbuds she was gesturing over.

A nod as she folds over a ribbon onto her sketch and closes its cover, “Do you release it on anything?”

“Just the normal platforms” he coughed, fingers tracing the lines and indents of his cup’s lid.

Looking out the window, the sun intensified the shine of her eyes as she watched the traffic go by.

“Would you like to do this again?” With a tilt of her head as she glanced over James’ face.

With a gulp of nerves and a flutter in his chest, “Y-yeah, love to.”

Tearing off a piece of napkin her now empty espresso sat upon, scribbling down an array of numbers.

“Call me” she smiled, her tone an octave louder with a dose of confidence.

Sliding the corner of paper to the man across from her, before settling her belongings into a small drawstring bag.

“See you.” James forced out as she moved out of her seat.

Walking by, hand delicately ghosting against his shoulder as she walked past towards the door. Nothing more than a fantom of a touch, one that closely mimics the growing feeling within his chest.

[ihearttheraindropss]

people who I will write

- chuckle sandwich (ted, charlie and schlatt)

- james marriott

- qsmp

- quackity and many more!

people who I will not write for

- wilbur soot

- dream team

dividers by: @cafekitsune

[fallingforyouforeverr]

𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐉𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐒 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐎𝐓𝐓:

A/N: I love James so much his music is actually such a vibe and his videos are really funny. all the above photos are from pinterest btw.

[cigarette-scented-hotel-rooms]

pookie!

[owen-writes]

Owen Writes

Male Reader Or Gender Neutral Or FTM Reader Only

Fem aligned people may interact and read but do not fetishize. No Fem Reader requests.

Masterposts:

Main Masterpost

Doctor Who Masterpost

Nameless Series Masterpost (needs a name)

ATM, I write for:

The Doctor (9,10,11,12,14,15) - Doctor Who

Rory Williams - Doctor Who

Captain Jack Harkness - Doctor Who

Alec Hardy - Broadchurch

Cale Erendreich - Bad Samaritan

Campbell Bain - Takin' Over The Asylum

Crowley - Good Omens (Will Do Poly Ineffable Husbands)

Saul Silva (Platonic) - Fate, The Winx Saga

Cullen Family (Platonic) - Twilight

Sierra Six - The Grey Man

Jonah Simms - Super Store

James Marriott

Lucifer Morningstar - Netflix Lucifer

Rules:

No smut! I may write smut if I want to but will not write requests that are smut. (Basically if I get horny and want to indulge, I will.)

All smut I do write is for 18+ only. You're reading my work at your own discretion and I am not responsible for what you read on the Internet.

Gore wise - no explicit descriptions but cannon typical stuff I'm okay with.

I can delete any request if it makes me uncomfortable

I'm not really a fan of AUs or anything that strays too far from cannon.

Can be a platonic or romantic relationship. Aka dad or husband? (Basically I have some deep daddy issues)

I like to have dialogue prompts to start off. But it's okay if not. (I lack the creative fuse to make up a story but can sure as hell write em.)

[hangry-hoe]

STOP BC I JUST WANNA HUG HIM FROM BEHIND AND SHIT HELP HE LOOKS SO CUDDLELY AND SHIT

[id0ntknow-whoiam]

God Forbid

james marriott x f reader angst/smut

description- he needs you to help him forget

warning- 18+, contains mentions of suicidal thoughts and self harm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

our flat glows dimly with the only light being casted off the television. i’m sitting on ghe sofa aimlessly and anxiously checking my phone.

thump thump thump thump, my heart feels like it’s beating out of my chest, my breath not being able to keep up.

i keep thinking back to what happened before he left. what if he actually did it? he’s not seriously going to that bridge right? he can’t he loves me. he knows i love him.

“You always say that james…how you’re so miserable, why can’t i be enough for you?” i feel my voice crack, tearing welling up in my eyes. he stands in front of my eyes glassy. “you know i’m always here for you, i understand…..”

“oh for fucks sake stop looking at me like i’m a fucking stray dog!” he snips at me

I feel my eyes fall to the floor for a moment trying to figure out what to say. I look back up at him and reach for his hand.

“darling please, talk to me. I can’t read your mind as much as I would love to, you have to talk to me!”

he flinches away from me

thump thump thump thump

that’s when the feeling that my chest was going to explode started. shortness of breath followed.

“I need some air..”

James walks around me.

“James please, where are you going?” my voice sounds like it’s miles away

he doesn’t even turn around he just slams the door behind him and I’m left with nothing but my thoughts.

he had been open with me whenever we had first started dating and he struggled with depression and alcoholism which I tried my best to help him through. at first, I thought it was helping. he got better he was my sweet boy again. but then something changed. things got worse…he got worse and the only place that he ever wanted to be was not with me, but on a bridge, so high up no one could survive a fall like that. but I don’t think he wanted to.

~~~~~~~

It had been about an hour with still no word from him. I had been checking my phone nonstop stop sending text after text.

James, please don’t do this

I love you

won’t you call me one more time?

nothing but silence

until a few moments later my phone started to vibrate against my lap.

“hello?? James?”

“Darling it’s beautiful up here you know”

“James please come home I need you here with me”

“I feel like I can breathe, isn’t that strange? being able to breathe in London.”

he lets out a sigh, my hands start to shake

“sweetheart I’m coming to check on you alright?”

I try and control the panic in my voice

“no no no darling it’s ok I'll be home in a few minutes”

I let out a sigh of relief

“ok I love you”

my heart sank when I heard his side of the call go dead

he never said it any more

~~~~~~~~~~~~

after what felt like an eternity I heard the door unlock.

I rush over to him checking everyone I can.

he’s shaking, tears streaming down his pink-tinted cheeks.

“James what happened…tell me what you did”

I gently grab his arm looking up at him for permission. he silently nods his head. I roll up the sleeves of his hoodie. To my relief, there is nothing but the healing scars covering his arms. but nothing fresh.

I look back up and him then kiss his arms

“you aren't alone, I’m here, and a lot of people are here for you”

I see the tears continue to run down his face he looks at me with not what I thought to be love or adoration but need.

his hands rub up my arms, cupping my cheeks. that’s when he places a kiss on my lips.

at first, i’m not sure what to do, he’s kissed me so many times before but this time felt different, colder.

“James what are you?…”

he cuts me off with another kiss slowly backing me against our flat wall.

“Please I need you. take the pain away please.”

he almost whines.

his lips come to my neck kisses ever so softly.

I let out a sigh

and I let him use me. because I love him and I want him to love me and if that means that all I'm good for is making him forget then so be it.

we make our way into the bedroom I fall to the bed with him hovering above me. he lifts my blouse off me and throws it to the floor attacking my chest, sucking bruises into my collar bone.

this doesn’t feel right he isn’t normally like this

I sit up and push him back taking my bra off.

he eyes me up and down before laying back on me.

what would have normally happened was he would have taken his time, making love to me. but this was it. I knew it was. I couldn’t help him if he couldn’t help himself and he had realized on that bridge that if he wanted to live he could bear to keep hurting me.

he kissed down my stomach slipping my underwear off. I lift his head and cup his cheek making him look at me

I wanted him to just hold me one more time. but he didn’t instead he went back to kissing around my thighs.

he licked and sucked on my clit just the way he knew I liked. he moaned into me whenever I would grip his hair to keep him there. he was savoring every last drop he could have.

“F-uck James feels so good darling”

he didn’t stop he didn’t look up at me like he normally would. he didn’t mutter “Yes sweetheart you taste so good for me”

instead, it almost looked like he was on autopilot.

after a few minutes, he climbs back up my body and for the first time the kiss we share doesn’t feel like love it feels like the bitter taste of black coffee

I pull his jeans off him and toss them to the floor along with his shirt

“James are you sure you want to…”

he doesn’t let me finish what I was saying before he’s pushing into me.

“fuck” he grunts

he starts at a slow and grueling pace but quickly picks it up after I have been moaning in his ear

“Please James so close baby”

he fucks me, fucks away the bad thoughts he has, the terrible things he has been doing to himself. he lets it all out in me.

“y/n…fuck..so tight, you feel so good”

I moan at the praise but I don’t feel it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

the next morning I wake up to an empty bed. his jeans and shirt picked up from the floor. I looked at my phone to see what time it was “10:47 am”

I roll over to face his side of the bed. grab his pillow and hold it to my chest. I can’t stop the tears from falling down my face.

my phone vibrates on my dresser

I don’t look at it

I know what it’s going to say

his drawers are empty, his guitar isn’t leaning against the wall anymore.

I turn over and grab my phone

“I’m sorry I wasn’t enough”

the end.

——————————-

A/N

OK SO I KNOW THIS ONE WAS A DOOZY BUT I HOPE YOU ALL LIKED IT. I PROMISE EVERYTHING I WRITE WON'T BE EXTREMELY DEPRESSING.

[e1izaaxkles]

Bro I need an James Marriott smut rn 😭😭

You and me both, anon.

So, here. Food for both of us!

“Darling,”

MINORS DNI!

James Marriott x Afab!reader

Today James is wearing a suit for stream and god, he looks good. He looks really really good. So of course, it turns you on. You just want him to pull his pants down and fuck you. “James, please!” “Love, I can’t.” He replies to your pleading while petting Otto. “Why can’t you, because you have to stream? Why can’t it wait?” You ask as you slide onto his lap. “Yes, I’m sorry, baby. I’ll give you all the attention you want after.” “But I want it now! Pleaseee!” You whine with the puppy dog eyes that he can’t resist. “Darling,” He sighs, trying to resist you at all costs. “I can’t, I promised chat I would stream at this certain time.” You put a pouty face on and whine, this should work. “Fine. But we have to make this quick.” He says, Otto jumps off the couch and goes to eat. He picks you up and brings you to your shared bedroom and lifts the shirt you have on, seeing the dark damp spot in your underwear. “Fuck…” He whispers as he unbuckles his belt and unbuttons his jeans, unzipping his fly and pulling down his jeans and boxers, just enough to get his cock out. You feel the familiar feeling of his tip against your folds and the feeling of him pushing in. You whimper as he bottoms out, a grunt leaving him. “Fuck, you’re so perfect.” He whispers as he sets slow thrusts, quickly speeding up. He may not be going extremely fast but it’s fast enough to make you let out loud moans. He puts your legs over his shoulders and grips onto your thighs, setting faster thrusts, grunts and moans leaving both of you. “Fuck!- I’m gonna cum, James!-“ You moan out as his eyes screw shut, his mouth opening in a silent moan. “Go, ahead, darling. I’m not far behind.” He whispers as you cum on his cock. His thrusts don’t stop, they just get sloppier as he gets louder. He cums inside you with a loud groan as he fucks you through both of your orgasms, pulling out of you and grabbing a rag out of his nightstand and cleaning the two of you up. He fixes his pants and anything else before helping you change into different underwear. “Now may I go stream, darling?” He asks as you hug him. You give him a kiss before pulling away. “Of course, James.” You say as you unwrap your arms from around him and instead lay down on your side of the bed as James goes to stream.

[kkpixivangel]

hear me out... what if i write james marriott smut fanfics within these as my inspo...

[breezy141]

OPENING UP - james marriott masterlist

tw/ mention of sexual assault! || as this kind of hit close to home, i thought i would write a little something that myself and many others (unfortunately) could relate to. sometimes reading/hearing something come from a comfort person can really help.

the camera appeared so daunting now that you were about to start explaining what happened to you. as much as you didn’t want to have to explain what you went through as a young teen, you felt you owed your fans and followers an explanation.

stupidly, you started distancing yourself away from every social media platform without a reason. which of course, led to people making assumptions and spreading rumours about why you were gone for so long.

the reality was, it was starting to take a deeper toll on you due to the time of year; causing you to have such a lower outlook on life, your motivation levels were horrendous.

with much talking with james, your boyfriend, you both decided it would be best to explain what’s happened so it can be done with for once and for all. he gave you some words of encouragement before leaving you alone in your shared bedroom so you felt more comfortable.

exhaling deeply, you pressed the record button and started off with a simple hello, giving a trigger warning and explaining what you would be talking about. you knew this was about to be a raw and emotional video so you apologised in advance.

then, you started. the further you went on, the more tears fell. trying your hardest, you simplified the story as much as possible so it was less to edit and less of a watch time.

once you were finished, you sobbed into your hands uncontrollably. much to your luck, james had heard and had entered the room; wrapping his arms around you. he didn’t dare say a word, not yet. he waited, and waited, he waited for how ever long it took for your sobs to dull and your tears to slow.

“i’m sorry darling” is all he said once you had burnt yourself out, you leaned into his chest. “i want the thoughts to stop, i can still feel their hands on my skin. i hate it, i hate it james” james wanted to cry with you, but he promised you and the people around him that he would be there for you, in any way shape or form.

“i know baby, i know.” he rubbed his hands up and down the side of your arm “i need you to know it wasn’t your fault, it was never your fault, and it will never be your fault” you closed your eyes and listened to his sweet words.

“wanna know a fact? every twenty eight days your skin sheds from his dead cells. that’s about thirty thousand cells every minute. which means, you are free from them. they touch is no longer on you. you are clean and you are safe”

he’s right, he’s completely right. every skin cell that that person had assaulted, is gone. it’s fallen off “thank you” you said barely above a whisper. he softly kissed your temple, and held you closer to his chest.

“did you manage to finish?” he asked with a nervous tone, you nodded your head not really in the mood to talk much.

“why don’t you have a little nap?” you were about to protest, not wanting to be left on your own “don’t worry, i’ll be with you the whole time. i won’t leave your side until you are ready, okay?” nodding in understanding, you both made your way to the bed. he helped you with getting undressed, yet he respected your boundaries and ensured he went at your pace.

you both slipped under the covers and held each other closely, not wanting to let go. “i love you, thank you for everything”

“i love you too”

[solsticethesunwitch]

there NEEDS to be more realistic mlm fanfic and general yearning going on. tumblr i beg of you give me james fics NOW

[despairat6oclock]

PART TWOO request for the most recent jimbo mazza fic

yn had feelings in uni as well but moved past it because he thought jimbo was only in it for his body

since starting seeing each other, they get smoochy on a date & y/n is worried james is only asking him out for the physical aspect.

james is a fumbling mess because he's not dated guys in quite awhile but in the end after some obliviousness on both sides and stumbling around the issue, james assures y/n and it would be cool if you freestyle some lightly steamy fluff💪

-☀️

At this point, these two deserve their own full length story because how much I love this storyline (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)

I know you asked for fluff, but these two need to go through it some more before they get their happy ending (⁠˘⁠･⁠_⁠･⁠˘⁠)

___________

Seven-Two-Oh

Synopsis: History always repeats itself for the two not-so-lovers.

masc! reader x James Marriott

Word Count: 1.0k

Contains: angst

Warnings: suggestive dialog and situations.

[m.list]

James wasn't sure if he should be absolutely distraught with how everything was going, or absolutely thrilled.

It was like how everything was in college, even how you pulled away after only three *official* dates.

The first date had begun like any other hang out from before. Tucked into the corner of a bustling café. Soft glow of the sun gives a halo to your soft brown hair.

Nose pointing straight down as your finger glides along the page of your song book, the same way it had gilded down him earlier this morning.

“Y/N.”

James piped, voice firm. As to pull you from your thoughts into his.

“This is a date, remember? Not a business meeting.”

“I thought you liked my music?”

“I do, but I like you more.”

James hums as he sips his iced coffee. Third one of the day.

The thing was, your music was you. It was your soul and heart. And you were starting to fear James was far from searching for this.

Closing your leather bound notebook with a sigh, pitching the bridge of your nose.

“I just remembered, I have a meeting in an hour”

You lie through your teeth, trying to seem frustrated and guilty all at the same time.

“I can walk you-”

No, please. Anything but that.

You quickly interject, insisting you'll pay and James needs some sleep anyway. Before hurrying out of the café without a look back and no clear direction of where you were going.

Not only was James not able to shake the deja vu of your university days, but neither were you. For two completely different reasons.

Everything was playing out the same, like a scratched DVD on repeat. You shouldn't have kissed on the first date, or taken him to bed on the second.

The bar table where neither of you actually ever drank, just the atmosphere was enough to have glitter running through your veins.

A simple hand on his thigh, gently stroking. Mindlessly stroking. Innocently.

Until his hand matches yours and leads you higher. Until a gasp left your lips and you stumbled out the bar with swollen lips and drunk on something far from alcohol in your system.

Or, how a simple song session turned from your fingers playing a soft tune that mesmerized James. To a completely different tone of you biting your knuckles that intoxicated his senses.

This all replayed, memories of now and uni mending and pulling in all directions.

And James couldn't be more clueless. As to why things were going south so quickly, anyways.

You wanted slow, but not in bed. In feelings. You had fallen for James so hard during your secret arrangement years ago, you had to be completely indifferent to save yourself from the sinking hole of love.

When James doesn't get a call back immediately, he panics. When your texts start losing enthusiasm only James would notice, Otto is the first to hear about it. Besides Will.

It had been one month of you canceling and rescheduling. 30 whole days of you typing. Deleting. Typing. And never sending.

Showing up at your place unannounced, the last text he had sent was a poor excuse of his cat missing you. Otto couldn't care less. But that didn't matter. The fact you wouldn't even open it had James catching the nearest train.

Was there someone else? Would you open the door flushed pink and panting with a blanket around you?

You wouldn't do that to him. Right? You were his guy. The guy that isn't like the others. The one he didn't need a pitiful dating site to find. His one.

You had to be. James wouldn't have it any other way.

Is what he told himself when you finally opened the door with a sleepy expression and trashy reality TV on in the background.

“Oh, James.”

“Oh, Y/N.”

He retorted humorously with a false smile.

“What…are you doing here? Did we have plans?”

“No I…”

Missed you.

“Was just coming to check on you, haven't talked much in the last…”

James looks at his watch, passive aggressiveness and condescending seeping through his words.

“Few days, has it been?”

Seven hundred and twenty hours. James googled it on the train here. And it only infected his mind by the hour. A sinful nasty demon possessing his soul and words.

You just looked at him in a daze, mouth gulping the air like a fish bubbling water to breathe.

“I..I know how long it's been James.”

You stuttered, words tripping over stones of anxiety in their path.

“So, you did it on purpose?”

“James I…’

Giving you a look like he wanted answers. He wanted in, you wanted him out.

“I don't want just a hookup. Maybe I was okay with that when we were younger. I wasn't but uh..that was different. I'm not him anymore. And I can't be that for you.”

James' nerves ignited. Not in anger. Or embarrassment. Or even lust.

Just pure, spiked edged, guilt.

He made you feel like another thing he could use and dispose of. Something he'd never do, to even his worst acquaintance.

and yet, you, the love of his life. Or, who he had convinced himself was. Was telling him, you thought he saw you as nothing more than a temporary lasting sensation. One he could reach on his own when desperate.

Until his body moves before his mind, arms wrapping around you. Head dipping to hide in his shoulders. A restrained sob pulling at his vocal cords.

James wanted to hold him there. Until his head stopped pounding, and his thoughts straightened out. Until he regretted this moment every time he laid in bed.

“Slow. You wanted that. And I didn't give, I'm truly sorry”

James' hands slide from your wrist, prying open your palms so his fingers could intertwine with yours.

“But I do want you, more than just…just for a sensation. I wanna feel something. Not just someone.”

This was all said with a rough mutter against your shoulder. The fabric of your sweater itching at James’ beard.

Your arm gently rubs his, trying to soothe him as the next words fell from your lips with a mumble.

“I can't guarantee anything, James. But, I can try. Again.”