#Jacob The Loofah

[browsethestacks]

I Hear the Blues A-Killin': Frasier Meets Columbo

This Was Fun

[dibbs-n-scribbs]

I need to make a Monk x Columbo crossover so bad its not even funny. They would contrast each other perfectly but complete each other in ways I can't even fully understand yet. I'm thinking it might be a Marty Eels situation where Monk isn't really used to someone upstaging him but it baffles him even more than Marty cause Columbo seems to actually be legit and know the detective lingo! However, even Monk himself probably wouldn't be able to tell whether Columbo's being true or not with his questioning tactics. Like yeah Columbo is mistaken as this and that all the time, but is he telling the truth? Not even Monk would truly know!

What would the case even be about? Surely it would involve someone who's rich and has a lot of power, as most Columbo villains fit that description.

And Trudy! I feel like the Trudy reference would be deep, maybe not 100 percent integrated into the plot, but definitely something that would possibly warm Monk up to Columbo and strengthen their partnership. (Now I hear there's an actual Columbo episode way later on that involves something happening to Mrs. Columbo, but if those spoilers I saw were true, then that'd also make their connection stronger - but I haven't gotten that far yet!)

How would the rest of the team feel about Columbo? Would they be impressed? Would they find him a little annoying cause of his bumbling nature? Would it be just like being with Monk? I think all this stuff is interesting to think about.

I spent last night rewatching this Columbo x Fraiser crossover comic dub (can't find who made the original comic but Jacob The Loofah did the comic dub on yt!) and I was just fascinated by it. Now I haven't watched Frasier but everything seemed to fit so perfectly, not to mention the drama and comedy was on point! To make a crossover comic so well, you could definitely see the hard work put into it! I want to be able to make something just as great, especially after its been a long while since I feel as if I've made something of quality. I'm far from being a writer myself, but I do want to make this project some sort of reality, truly. If anyone has any writing resources or know where to start with personal projects like comics or even animatics, I would really appreciate it.

[skullzanta]

Another classic Skeleton War Video. Credit to Jacob the Loofah

[nutritionfreek]

Living with sensitive and dry skin is indeed challenging, but there's a solution worth exploring. Lucy Rose by Dr. Jacobs Naturals understands these struggles and presents a range of products designed to alleviate discomfort and nourish the skin. Among them, the exfoliating loofah rose soap stands out, offering a sensory-rich experience with its apricot seed infusion. Free from harsh chemicals and backed by dermatologist recommendations, Lucy Rose provides gentle care for delicate skin.

[afterdeathfashion]

I have landed the senior design director position for Avante garde fashion designer. Jacobe Salguromero on his debut After+Death. My threads are all black which is my vision to make the wearer of our clothing. The one main focus. Sure, the clothes are going to be badass. Comfy as hell and dark. But working with 150 shades of black. Can be troublesome. 65 of them all look the fucking same. As a graphic designer. Sometimes, black is fucking black. I tend to have to get creative as sun bleaching and loofah bleaching some garments offset it.

AfterDeath is an all inclusive brand. I want my clothes on my mother,brother,aunt and grandfather. All at the same time. When working with Balenciaga they taught me the ins and outs of designing with a genderless vision. It's breathtaking at times and a style has no limits. It's freedom. Fucking freedom.

[agoobersretreat]

Examine: Big badonkers, humongous hungolomghnonoloughongous I am not sorry if you recognize where that last part came from.

"God bless ProZD for being able to pronounce that word. At least, I'm pretty sure it was him that either did it first or got the most popular one?"

"But also, God damn. Those are some absolute beach balls. Maybe even yoga balls~."

(Also, yes. I am aware I am answering these in the way that's not how they're supposed to be answered. Whoops~.)

(UPDATE: It was Jacob the Loofah, not ProZD.)

[rowanblanchardfanclub]

“instylemagazine: A quick spritz after working up a sweat on the dance floor. ✔️ @rowanblanchard 🎥: @thefacinator #InStyleWBGlobes”

[melonfacade]

anyway hs and tf2 are unbelievably ingrained in my brain and had more of an impact on my psyche than anything jn my life

[cevansbrat0007]

The Other Woman

Summary: You never imagined that your husband was capable of having an affair - not even in your wildest dreams.

Warnings: Crazy Reader, Confused Andy, Angry Reader, Adorable Children, Name Calling, Kisses, Manhandling, Cursing, Minors DNI

A/N: Someone requested this prompt a while ago but I don’t remember who. Part of my ongoing Growing Pains Series. Written on my phone. All mistakes my own. Enjoy!

___

You sit there in bed glaring at your peacefully sleeping husband. The nerve of that man - he cheats on you - and then has the audacity to lay there and snore.

Grabbing a pillow, you give into the urge to strike him with it. Hard.

“Huh, what?” A tired Andy looks around and rubs the sleep out of his eyes. “What was that?”

“Oh, nothing. Just fluffing the pillows. They’re getting a little flat, you know?” You repeat the action for added emphasis.

“But why’d you hit me?” You roll your eyes.

“Please. I barely grazed you.” You huff as your handsome man goes to lay back down. Before he can, you snatch the pillow from underneath his head and toss it across the room.

“Sorry. That one’s no good either. There’s a permanent indent from your big head.”

Andy sighs and scratches his tattooed chest, careful to avoid his newly inked additions: Aurora Rose, Andrew Jacob, and Jacob Stephen.

“Y/N, what is your problem, sweet girl?” All he gets is a dainty “hmph” for his trouble. “Seriously, baby…what did I do?”

You turn around to look at him, your hand on the bathroom door. “You know exactly what you did, Mr. Andrew Stephen Barber. Now I hear the twins are awake. How about you go check on them and leave me alone?

With that, you turn back around and pad into the bathroom. Seconds before he can follow you, which he does, you flip the lock on the door.

“Open up, Y/N!” Andy yells as he pounds on the door with his big fist. “You know much I hate locked doors in this house, sweetheart! Swear to God I’ll break it down!” He continues to rage.

You shrug and turn on the shower before stepping inside and fully tuning him out. Quickly, you grab your “Sweet Champagne Apple” body wash, dump way too much on your loofah and scrub your body raw.

___

While your unfaithful husband is dressing the kids, you go about making French toast and cheesy eggs with sausage crumbles for everyone.

Well, everyone except for Andy, that is.

And then you set little cups of orange juice on the table. Regular cups for BiBi and KiKat, and sippy cups for A.J. and RoRo.

A few moments later, you watch your big girls help the little ones down the stairs.

“Mornin’ Mama.” Your son yawns. “Hungry.” His black hair is pretty - but not quite as curly as his sisters. It had more of a wavy aspect to it. A.J. also had a little freckle on his nose, and one above his right eye.

In short, your adorable boy was going to be a lady killer.

RoRo, dressed in all pink, complete with a unicorn skirt, waves at you. Poor sleepy thing. Her gorgeous hair boasted a mix of light caramel and dark copper curls. She offers you a tired smile, showing off the little dimple on her left cheek.

And as for Bianca and KitCat, your respective socialite and bookworm, well, they were always adorable.

You place plates on the table.

“Dig in, guys and gals. The bus will be here soon.” You walk around, placing loving kisses on their foreheads.

Ten minutes later, Andy comes down the stairs fixing his tie. “What’s for breakfast, Y/N?” His tone lets you know that he’s still irritated.

“Oh, for you?” You toss him an oatmeal raisin granola bar. “You need the flaxseed.”

“C’mon kiddos! Backpacks on - I hear the bus down the street.” After more hugs and snuggles - A.J. loved to snuggle with his Mama, you shoo them out the door.

“Andrew.” You instruct him. “Please ensure that they get on the bus safely.” And then you begin cleaning up without so much as a thanks.

Of course, your man is back faster than you expect. Ignoring him, you go to head back up the stairs. Only to feel the solid weight of his big body pinning you down.

Funny thing was, the two of you had quietly made love on these steps just a few days ago.

And now you wanted to push him down them to see if your handsome lummox bounced.

“Now,” he snarls in your ear. “What crawled up your ass and died this morning.”

“Ugh. As if you don’t already know!” You hiss, struggling to get free.

“I don’t fucking know, you beautiful little harpy. So gimme a break and enlighten me already.

Gritting your teeth, you take a deep breath before sinking them into Andy’s dress shirt clad arm. That, as well as his small grunt of surprise, gives you a chance to escape.

Kind of.

You make it up a few more stair before he grabs you again.

“I saw you with her!” He gives you a blank look. “I saw you and - that Monica in our bed. Having sex.”

Making love.

“Uh huh.” He growls. “And just exactly when was this? When did I have this little affair?” Andy gives your body a little shake.

“Yesterday, you - you philandering son of a goat! You had my bags packed by the door and had put our babies outside on the front porch!”

“Oh, did I now?” He quirks a brow, clearly trying not to laugh.

“It’s not funny! They were all holding cardboard signs that said free to a good home!”

Andy grabs your hands and pulls them over your head. “Go with me on this, Y/N, just go with me. Couldn’t all of that have been…a dream?”

Huh?!

“Because I don’t know a Monica.” He begins pressing soft kisses to your chest and neck. “In fact, other than my gorgeous daughters, the only woman I’ve had in my bed is my crazy fucking wife.” Andy captures your lips then in a deep, meaningful kiss.

“Now I’ve got to get to work my little lunatic. And apparently go find some good homes for our children. I get the feeling KitCat might be a tough sell, though. Might have to pay them to take her."

Feeling understandably ridiculous, you swat his muscled shoulder as he finally lets you up.

“I saw what I saw,” you grumble. “And if you know what’s good for you and that trollup, you’ll keep her far away from me.”

Your husband fucking laughs his fool head off all the way out the door. Not that you care overly much. Because that fucker had better not cheat on you again.

Not even in your wildest dreams.

END

[anemonequeen-moved]

IVE COME TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT. JACOB THE LOOFAH IS A BITCH ASS MOTHERFUCKER. HE PISSED ON PEOPLES FUCKING TUMBLR POSTS. THATS RIGHT. HE TOOK OUT HIS TIKTOKER FUCKING DICK OUT AND HE PISSED ALL OVER OUR TUMBLR POSTS.

[jacobtheloofah]

this is the end of my life. it hurts more because its so true.

also here's the audio:

[honeysidesarchived]

randomize five hcs about ELLIOT for me please!! 🤍

kate i would do anything for u!!!!

34. are they the jealous type? what are they most likely to be jealous of?

she's not really the jealous type until someone/something is actually hers. and like any untouched thing, elliot holds onto the things that she does have very tightly. however, she's not very skilled at being passive aggressive, so most often it will come out very straight-forward and without mincing words--she'll just say she's jealous! she might be a teensy bit petty there for a hot min but she has a hard time disguising her feelings.

19. what are their phobias? do they have any at all?

come witching hour, the real question that should be getting asked is what ISN'T elliot afraid of? (the answer is "consequences of her actions", "jacob seed", "getting a little blood on her hands", in no particular order). but like for real come witching hour the girl is a mess. i think in a general sense elliot is intensely afraid of home break-ins/intruders, and being touchy-touched by someone she doesn't want to have touch her.

8. what do they sleep in? pj’s, normal clothes, nothing?

usually like, boy shorts and a big ass t-shirt! she likes to be very very cold when she's sleeping so the air conditioning is CRANKED and she's got like one leg stuck out, but there are very few occasions where she's not in an oversized shirt when she sleeps.

41. where would they want to live if they could live anywhere? why?

is it stupid to say "hope county"? i mean, aside from the nightmare that is eden's gate and the family, she did choose to come back to hope county after all of that shit happened during her training at the academy. i think a close second would probably be her grandparent's home in weyfield. honestly like any small town where she can keep easy stock of familiar faces, because she is in a constant state of fight or flight, but she can still get some privacy is preferable!

11. bar soap or liquid? do they like loofahs?

liquid, she's not a fucking animal. and yes, she loves a good loofah!

[myhockeyworld87]

Everyday Makeup Recs and Tips

So before you even start you want to make sure you have a good skincare routine. I’m not an esthetician, so I’m not going to make recommendations for you as to what to use because everyone’s skin is different, but that being said here are some basics. Always wash your face twice a day even if you don’t wear makeup; once in the morning and then at night. I personally only cleanse my face once a day, at night after I take my makeup off. I remove my makeup and then use a Clairsonic with my cleanser. In the morning, I only wash my face with water as too much cleanser tends to dry out my skin. I do use Thayers witch hazel both morning and night as well as my Peter Thomas Roth Potent C Vitamin Eye Cream. I moisturizer day and night as well. I use a moisturizer with an SPF in it for day, but if you know you’re going to be in the sun for an extended period of time you may want to use a separate sunscreen as well.

 Now on to makeup…haha! I go back and forth about what I do first, but we’ll start with eyes in case you have fall out. I have a ton of different products, but the eyeshadows I love are from MAC, Lorac (Which creates a ton of fall out), KKW Beauty, and Anastasia of Beverly Hills. I’m not a fan of Urban Decay, I think all their shades are the same. If you’re looking for a neutral look, I love the Lorac LUX Diamond palette, $39 for 20 shades or MAC Amber Times Nine, which is nine shades for $32 but their shades last a bit longer than Lorac. I always prep my eyelid with concealer, MAC paint pot in Painterly or Tarte 12-hour Eye Primer. This will make your eyeshadow last longer. For this example, I’ll use the Lorac colors. I always put a base color like Carat on first all over the lid, so that I have a neutral base to start. I then take a color like Grand and go into the crease, sweeping it from the outer to the inner crease, using a tapered blending brush. All my brushes are MAC but really any brushes will do. I blend that up just slightly above the crease so that there is not a stark line (Blending is key). Then I go back in with a color like Lavish in the deep crease, only blending it midway, this color I will not blend up, but more in a v down to the outer corner or lid. (FYI I always tap the excess off the brush before going to apply it to the lid). I’ll take a color like Exclusive and do the outer crease/lid in that v as well darkening that look. (Honestly I’ve never written this out, so I may look for a couple pics to add in. I’m much better at demonstration.) Once everything is very blended, I’ll take the tip of my finger and go into a color like VIP or Crystal (This color is not orange like shown online), and start on the inner corner and tap that color in, then I’ll take a clean blending brush and blend it into the middle and outer lid. Lastly, I’ll take a color like Diamonds and sweep it across the brow bone lightly. So you should get a look similar to this, minus the eyeliner:

(not my photo via  bydrie.com but the link is old and the pic is no longer there. I’ve had it saved)

If I want it to be dramatic, I’ll line both the eye and the waterline on the lid (like the photo is). Yes the waterline is a bitch to line. I really love Marc Jacob Highliner Gel crayon but it’s $26 dollars, so that’s a bit steep I know, but it really goes on nice and stays on. Personally, certain eyeliners tend to wear funny on me, so I use this on my bottom waterline and then smudge it in and it stays all day. I have used Maybelline EyeStudio Master Precise All Day Liquid Eyeliner as well on the upper lid and I do like this and the way it wears; I also like to use this if I do a winged eye as well (which is rare and I don’t do on an everyday look).

 Let’s move on to foundation. Doing your eyes first gives a time for your moisturizer to sink into your sink, which I like; but that’s just me. If you have and blemishes, roscia or dark spots you’re looking to cover, use a color corrector. Sephora $14 (and have been on special for $7) has some great easily blendable ones. Green for red spots and peach to cover the dark. I recommend only doing these if you’re not using an airbrush foundation. Apply them before your foundation and just blend them out lightly, they help neutralize the skin. I use a beauty blender to blend both this and the foundation in. My go to foundations, Tarte Face Tape, MAC’s Studio Fix Fluid (a great dupe that I have used for MAC in a pinch is Revlon Colorstay if you’re looking for a drugstore brand)

 I follow up with my undereye concealer, my absolute must have on this is Tarte Shape Tape concealer. I usually use it in a shade lighter than my foundation to brighten my eye. I blend it out with a small beauty blender (obviously this is the cheaper version at Walmart or Target because I throw this away after a month, kind of like a loofah).

 If you like to contour, now’s the time. A cheap one that I like is ELF Contour Palette. If you’re a beginner, start off with a powder it’s easier to use, but feel free to try the cream. My key advice, you are not a Kardashian doing a photo shoot, so do not leave this huge line separating your contour on your face. Blend that shit out, you’ll just look fake if you don’t. 

(Found this pic on google and this is a great example, minus the tip of the nose contour.)

Set the look with a setting powder, this is a translucent loose powder so it won’t make you look caked on or fake like pressed powder does. ELF makes a very inexpensive one $6, it’s their high definition powder. I just use a face brush for this. I’ll then add some blush. I love, love, love NARS orgasm, it literally goes with everything. A great dupe for this, but is hard to find is Mary Kay Shy Blush. Apply to the apples of your cheeks for that extra glow. I don’t recommend a highlighter for an everyday look. I’ll also use a setting spray like MAC fix+ or Tarte or Morphe, you can literally use anyone that you like. I think I have 4 on my counter right now…haha. I do this before my mascara because I always blink and that shit isn’t dry and then it’s everywhere.

 So now mascara, I’m going to just take this from my bridal tips:

Mascara, I recommend waterproof if you’re a crier like me...lol. I’m a fan of Tarte’s Lights, Camera, Splashes. I usually prep with Lancome’s CIL Booster XL Enhancing Lash Primer, it helps keep my lashes separated, but if you don’t want to spend the money on that, take a little of that translucent powder I talked about earlier, coat an old mascara wand, or a disposable one with the powder and brush it onto your lashes before adding mascara. I’ve done this little trick numerous time and it works like a charm. You can also wear fake lashes, if you don’t have a pair that you like, Adrell has great ones that look natural and so does Eylure. I always use Duo lash glue when I wear them as well.

Another mascara I like is Maybelline Lash Sensational. I feel like it doesn’t clump and wears very well. If you don’t like your lashes and are looking to get them fuller and longer I totally recommend in getting Grande Lash  MD Lash Enhancing Serum ($65). It’s a commitment, you need to put it on every night in the beginning but it does work. Also the tiny tube will last about 3 to 4 months.

 Phew I think that’s it for now. If you have any questions, feel free to send them to inbox or DM me. I love sharing tips!!!

[todaydreambelieversfic]

Chapter 3
By GleefulDarrenCrissFan He and Kurt had made a plan to meet up at his house and spend the whole weekend together. Burt had agreed reluctantly, but he knew that their time living close together was limited so he told Kurt he could go as long as he promised to be safe and respectable. It was the respectable part that Blaine was pretty sure that they were going to ignore. 
He and Kurt left glee practice around the same time, but Blaine arrived first, so he decided to get everything ready. Although Kurt had become much more comfortable and confident with sex, Blaine knew he’d have to take the lead after seeing Kurt’s embarrassment regarding the subject. 
He was perfectly fine with just making this experience about Kurt. He found he was excited about being on the giving end. In fact, he had read countless articles about it in order to prepare. He even made a stop at the local sex shop to get a few supplies that might make the experience more enjoyable, although it was pretty awkward. He ran into Sebastian while holding a box of dental dams, and of course, Sebastian made a crass remark about showing him how to use them properly. He ended up going to the checkout counter without them, although he did remember a tip about splitting a condom and cutting off the tip to make one or he could even use Saran Wrap, whatever made it more comfortable for Kurt.
He found himself bouncing on his toes as he listened to Kurt’s navigator pull into his driveway. This weekend was going to be so amazing, just the two of them, alone and able to do anything they wanted with each other, or to each other. Blaine felt himself harden in his pants just at the thought of it. “Damn it. Not yet,” he sighed as he shifted his thoughts to think of something, anything, to make his issue go away. Rachel Berry kissing him. Brittany’s and Santana’s sex tape. Jacob Ben Israel in a speedo. No Blaine. You want it to go down not scar himself to the point of trauma. Sebastian buying sex toys. That did it. Blaine shook his head and sighed as he opened the door so he could help Kurt with his overnight bag. 
Kurt smiled as he opened the passenger door and grabbed his bag. “Hey.”
“No, no. I was going to grab that for you.”
“You can get the ones in the back,” Kurt shrugged.
“You have more than one? You’re only staying for the weekend, Kurt.”
“Don’t judge me. I happen to know that when we went to Chicago, you had a bag just for your hair care products. That’s what’s in this one.” Kurt said, holding up the overnight bag. “Well, and my facial cleansers. And I needed clothes. That’s what the suitcase is for.”
“And the little one? Do you have shoes in there? You know, we’re probably going to stay inside most of the time, unless you want to swim in the pool,”
“Um, it’s supplies, for, you know, the thing we wanted to try. I’ve been doing some reading on it, and there are some risks involved. So I got us some things that might help make the experience better.”
Blaine’s mouth dropped open in surprise. “You got supplies? Where?” He reached for the small overnight bag but Kurt grabbed it before he could. Blaine reached for it again. 
Kurt bit his lip nervously as he held the bag close to his chest. “At a supply store.”
“You went to a sex shop? You-” Blaine grabbed Kurt’s face and kissed Kurt’s lips passionately. He reached for the bag again and Kurt maneuvered the bag behind his back as Blaine slid his hands from Kurt’s shoulders down his back to his ass, squeezing firmly. 
“Blaine, we’re outside,” Kurt said, looking around nervously, his cheeks blushing bright red. “Someone might see.”
“Then, let’s go inside,” Blaine whispered into Kurt’s ear and then dropped a few kisses to his neck. Kurt turned to the door, the bag dropping to the driveway. Blaine reached for it, but Kurt hurriedly snatched it up from the ground. “Uh uh. This is for later. Show me to my room, Mr. Anderson.”
“Not yet,” Blaine whispered seductively as he pressed Kurt against the door and kissed him passionately, his tongue sliding in between Kurt’s lips. Their tongues danced as Blaine’s hands slid down to Kurt’s ass, and he gave it a firm squeeze. “I can’t wait to take care of you,” he said as he started kissing Kurt’s jaw and made his way to Kurt’s adam’s apple before he realized that Kurt had stopped making noises and had tensed a little in his back. “What’s wrong?”
“Well. I thought since I was staying the whole weekend, we would use tonight for other things. To plan and to talk about what we want. Plus, we need a lot of prep to do this or it could end up being embarrassing or gross, and I don’t want that. I don’t think either of us does. So I have a plan.”
Blaine nodded. “Ok, so what does this plan entail?”
“Well, first, it entails you taking me to my room so I can unpack. Some of the things I brought were for our exploratory escapades tomorrow, so we need to talk about them and I planned for us to use a product tonight.
Blaine’s pupils seemed to grow dark immediately. “Then, by all means, let’s go unpack.”
_____________________________________________________________
“So when you said we’d use something in the bag tonight, this was not what I had in mind,” Blaine frowned as he held the wax in his hand. “Have you ever used this before?”
“I’ve waxed my eyebrows before, but I’ve never used this type before. Santana has. She said it wasn’t that bad.”
“Wait, Santana knows about this?” Blaine’s mouth dropped open in shock. 
“Well, I needed to find a place that had what we needed, and I knew Santana would know just the place. Besides, I had a lot of questions and she was the only person I knew that would know about it and not freak out.”
“Oh God. she’s going to give us so much hell over all of this. You know that she’s not going to be able to keep from blabbing about this,” Blaine grumbled.
“She won’t if she knows what’s good for her. I have dirt on her too. We had a pretty intense talk on the way home, and she spilled some things I don’t think she’d want me just telling anyone. Besides, she’s not as bitchy as everyone thinks she is if you’re her ally.”
“And we are?” 
“We are, I think.” Kurt smiled, grabbing the wax. “Now, do you want to do me first or do you want me to do you?”
“That’s a loaded question if I’ve ever heard one,” Blaine chuckled. “The article I read said you could just shave the area.”
“And the article I read said that’s a bad idea because it itches when the hair grows back and there’s a chance to get cuts and nicks in really delicate areas. Besides, it says there’s more of a chance that you could develop ingrown hairs and that’s supposed to hurt like a bitch.” Kurt looked up at Blaine to notice that his boyfriend was staring at him. “What?”
“It’s just, you really researched this like you’re actually into it.”
Kurt took Blaine’s hand in his. “I’m into you, and this is your fantasy. You’ve fulfilled mine more than once, especially the time you set up your Ipod in that field and brought in all those lilacs.”
“You said that was overkill.”
“You brought squirt bottles to spray the flowers so it was like a dewy meadow and talked like Jacob from Twilight the whole time. I almost expected a sparkly vampire to appear,” Kurt giggled. “But it was amazing. And it was all my fantasy. It’s my turn to fulfill one for you, and I intend to make it as special for you as you did for me.”
“So is that the reason we’re the waxing tonight?”
“Exactly. Santana said that waxing can be a little painful, especially in sensitive places, and the ass is probably the most sensitive place you could do it. One of the articles I read said that the area might be red and sore afterward, and I don’t think we’ll be up for anything sexual after we do that.” Kurt laid out several clean towels on the counter and plugged in the trimmer. 
Blaine starred at Kurt again in wonderment. “Do we really have to do this? I’ve seen you naked. You aren’t really that hairy. Besides, if we’re using protection, we shouldn’t even come in contact with it.”
“Blaine, it’s a lot more sanitary to remove the hair. Hair traps things there you don’t want to be there, like toilet paper or even fecal matter.”
Blaine winced. “Well, when you say it like that, I guess it’s a necessary evil. But I just have a feeling that I’m going to be like Steve Carell in the forty-year-old virgin, yelling obscenities at you and not being able to finish. I’ll look and feel like a-”
“An ass?” Kurt teased.
Blaine laughed. “Yeah. And I don’t want that either.” He sighed. “You know what. Let’s just ease into this. We have so many other things we haven’t tried yet, and I’m ok with what we already do. I don’t want to spend all this time prepping for this and it ends up being awful.”
Kurt smiled softly. “We’ll do whatever you are comfortable with doing today. But at least hear my plan. First, wash each other and exfoliate the skin. You’ve been doing that, right?”
“Uh, I’m your boyfriend. I know how important you rate exfoliation and skincare,” Blaine laughed. “My parents are grateful that I have my own bathroom.”
“Ok, that will make it easier.” Kurt began removing other items from the duffel bag. Two new loofahs, a trimmer, exfoliating cream, oils, baby powder, gloves, and lots of popsicle sticks.”
“There’s a lot of stuff here, Kurt. Where do we start?”
“The articles I read say to make sure that everything is clean. So, we’ll shower first. Then, we need to trim. The instruction guide says that too much hair can be really painful and too little can cause you to remove the skin. I’ve made that mistake once. It hurts like hell. Do you want to shower first, or do you want me to?”
“Why don’t we shower together? We can make sure we are good and exfoliated,” Blaine said with a grin. “Besides, we can have a little fun, just in case the waxing has us so sore that we don’t get to anything else.”
“I like the way you think,” Kurt said with a wink. “But it’ll be fine. Lot’s of men manscape now. How bad could it be?”
_____________________________________________________
“Ok, I’m pretty sure the wax has set,” Kurt smiled as he stirred the wax with a stick. Grab the baby powder and then turn over on the towel. 
Blaine removed the towel around his waist and laid down flat on the clean towel Kurt had laid down in the bathtub. “Like that, Mr. Hummel?” Blaine asked, wiggling his ass at Kurt.
“Getting cheeky, Blaine?” Kurt teased. “You need to stay still. I’m going to trim the area first, and there’s a lot of it.”
“Are you trying to say I’m overly hairy?” Blaine chuckled.
“Oohhh, sharp, Blaine. That’s exactly what I’m saying. The article said the longer the hair, the more it hurts. I got a really good trimmer though. It’s supposed to be the best.”
“Alright, I trust you. Just be careful.” Kurt turned on the trimmer and started at the top of Blaine’s cheeks. Blaine winced. 
“Stay still, Blaine. I don’t want to cut you.”
Blaine pouted. “Sorry. It tickles. And why did you start there?”
“The article suggested starting there first if you’ve never waxed before. It said it would be a good way to test if you can handle the pain.”
“Kurt, I have a pretty high pain tolerance. I told you about fight club. I’ve never lost a match.”
“Yeah, but you’ve probably never had anyone rip the hair straight from your ass either. It’s gonna smart a little.“ Kurt advised as he wiped the cut hairs away. “There. I think that’s good enough. I’m going to apply the powder now.” Kurt began shaking the baby powder on Blaine’s butt. He slapped it playfully when Blaine raised his butt up a little in the air. 
“Oh yes, spank me.”
Kurt blushed. “Blaine, you might want to stay still. I’m about to apply the wax. I have to apply it a certain way.”
“I thought you said it wasn’t hot?”
“It’s not, but it needs to be applied in small increments, and I have to make sure that I go in the right direction. I need to go in the same direction as the hair so that when I pull it, it goes against the grain.”
“You mean, you’re going to do it small patches? You might as well tweeze them if you’re going to do that. You can do a whole cheek. I can take it. And if it hurts, you can kiss it better,” Blaine suggested cheekily.
“Are you sure?”
“Positive. It’s ok. Slather it on there. Get it all off at once. I don’t want you to have to go back over the same area multiple times. I’m ready. Just do it,”
Blaine tensed his body as he felt Kurt grab the lip at the end of the strip of wax. “Are you ready? I can do it gently. I have the oils right here. Tell me if it hurts too bad or-”
“For the love of Vogue, just do it alrea- HOLY SHIT On A CRACKER! Geez, Kurt, how much hair did you get?”
“You told me to cover the whole cheek. Are you ok? And what the hell is holy shit on a cracker?” Kurt laughed.
“That hurt like hell, Kurt. Are you sure you applied it correctly?”
“I did it exactly like the package instructed. I told you it’s a sensitive area. That’s the reason I was going to do small patches.”
“I don’t know if I can take that again. I think I’d rather you use a cactus as a dildo on me than to do that again.”
“Was it really that bad?”
“Bend over. I’ll do yours next.”
“Do you really want me to stop or do you want me to try a smaller patch?” Kurt asked sincerely. “Do you want me to go ahead and apply the oil? It’s really red.
“At this point, I’d like some morphine and a tub full of ice.”
Kurt gently applied baby oil to Blaine’s sore, red cheek. “Is that any better?”
“I don’t know. Rub it a little more.” Blaine teased. Kurt could feel his muscles get tight as he applied a small strip of wax on the other cheek. “Alright. Do it quick. All at onc- MOTHER FLICKER!”
“What was that?” Kurt bit his lip in an attempt to stifle a laugh. Mother what?”
“You know there’s certain words I try not to say. Shut up.” Blaine pouted, biting his lip
“Is it really that bad?” Kurt massaged baby oil to the spot where he just removed the strip.
“I think I’d rather get my arm caught in a revolving door. How the hell do girls do this all the time?”
“They get used to it. Do you want me to continue? I haven’t even got near your hole yet.”
Blaine jerked his head around. “I’m sorry but if it hurts this bad on my cheeks, there’s no way I’m letting you actually put wax there. I’m sorry. It’s like I said earlier. If we’re using protection, the hair shouldn’t be that much of an issue anyway.”
“So what do you want me to do?” Kurt asked gently.
“I don’t want my ass to look like Steve Carell’s chest.”
“Noone’s going to see it but me, and it’s ok. You don’t have to let me finish.” Kurt answered.
“Finish it,” Blaine sighed. “It’ll be ok. Just know that you’re next.”
___________________________________________________________
After an hour break so they could eat and Blaine could sit without too much discomfort, Kurt laid on a clean towel in the bathtub with Blaine bent over his bare ass. He trimmed the hair first and then applied the baby powder to Kurt’s soft, pale cheeks. “God, your ass is so sexy. You know, if you hadn’t suggested the waxing, I probably wouldn’t have said anything. You don’t have that much.”
“Well, then. I guess you don’t have to-”
“Nope. it’s too late now. You waxed my ass, I’m waxing yours.” Blaine slapped the stick down, slathering a small strip of sticky wax on Kurt’s right cheek. “Brace yourself, dear.” Blaine pulled the lip of the strip firmly. 
Kurt bucked his ass and hissed, but he flattened back down.”
“Ok, you can do a bigger strip. It’s ok. I’ve waxed before.”
“Wow, you sure?” Blaine questioned.
“Yeah, just do it. It’s not that bad,” he said as Blaine slathered a much larger amount a little further down, closer to his crack. 
“You sure?” 
“I’m sur- HOLY HELLFIRE AND SLAP YOUR MAMA!”
Blaine cackled. “What was that?”
“You shut up. I didn’t get that area on you all at once. Holy shit!” 
“I told you it hurt,” Blaine said as he rubbed oil on the redness on Kurt’s ass. “Are you ok? Do you need some ice?”
“Screw the ice. Just give me the entire tub of icecream I saw in your freezer.”
Blaine chuckled. “It’s ice cream, not asscream. And I’m not explaining to my mother where it went. I did grab another pack of frozen peas. You threw the other ones away, right?”
“No, Blaine. I put them in the crockpot with a pot roast. Of course, I threw them away. I’m not eating those after they’ve been on your ass.”
“You do know that you’re going to be licking that same ass tomorrow, right?”
“Not if you continue to be such a smartas- NUCKIN FUTS! Warn a guy first. Dammit, Blaine.”
“Sorry. You need the peas?”
“Shut up and remove the hair from my- WELL MOTHER FU-”

[the-awkward-writer]

Abandoned Rings

Pairings: Zendaya x Reader, Tom, Jacob

Word Count: 5.3k

Warnings: POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING CONTENT. PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION: harassment and fighting. There is fluff at the end, though.

A/N: Alright, so here’s the long promised Zendaya fic. If I’m being completely honest, I’m not too proud of it. This may be rewritten later or even taken down, but I’ve been brooding over this for weeks and I needed to get it out here. That being said, there is some potentially triggering content, so please read with caution. I have warned you so I don’t want any messages about not giving you enough warning. There is potentially triggering content here. Harassment and fighting. Please read with caution. There is a fluffier ending Anyway, I’m done ranting and raving now, so please, tell me what you think and enjoy!

Swinging the door to your home open, you playfully call out to your wife of six years, “Honey, I’m home!”

You kick off your shoes and throw your backpack under the small table, completely elated to be home after a double shift at your local hospital.

You heard Zendaya chuckle from the living room as she came to greet you at the door with a kiss, “How was work?” She asked, he hands gripping your hips.

You bring your arms up to drape across her shoulders, “Tiring,” you said, “Like usual-” you pointed one finger in the air, “- but I didn’t have to pull a dildo out of someone’s ass again, so that’s good.”

Zendaya laughed, her head falling back and her curls brushing across your fingers, “Ah, the trials and tribulations of being an ER nurse.”

You giggle and kiss her nose, “I need to go take a shower.”

The twinkle that forms in Zendaya’s eyes is familiar, something you’ve seen nearly every time you tell her you need to shower. “You can join me if you can catch me!” You tease before sprinting up the stairs, leaving your stunned wife in your wake

“Oh you are so gonna get it!” Zendaya yells after you. Zendaya’s long legs make the task of catching you a piece of cake; you had just made it to the top of the stairs when her arms wrapped around your waist, bringing you to her chest with a squeal. “You know,” she said, throwing your over her shoulder, “You’d think that after six years you’d stop challenging me to races.”

You roll your eyes even though she couldn’t see, “I should be mad,” you said, “But your ass looks really good in these jeans.”

Zendaya laughed again as she shouldered the bathroom door open and pinched your ass playfully, “Hey, buddy. My eyes are up here.”

“Well I can’t exactly see them, now can I?” You retort sassily.

Zendaya bends down, setting you back on your feet. She shuffles over to the shower, turning the taps and turning the shower on.

While you waited for the water to warm up, you undressed, peeling off your light blue scrubs and throwing them in the hamper in the corner of the room.

You hopped up on the sink counter, sitting in your bra and underwear. Once Zendaya was undressed, she stood in between your legs, her back to you as you pulled her curly hair into a bun, tying it with the hair tie around your wrist.

It’s not that Zendaya couldn’t put her hair up herself, but you did it the first time you took a shower together, and nearly a decade later it had become a sort of habit.

Zendaya turned around between your thighs, reaching up to pull your hair from its hair tie.

You kiss her softly, “C’mon, before the water gets cold.”

You take off the rest of your clothes before stepping in, “Jesus Christ, Z! It’s freezing!”

Zendaya rolls her eyes as you turn the hot water up, steam filling the bathroom almost immediately. “You’re gonna burn yourself!” She protests as she grabs the shampoo from the rack, but she makes no move to change the temperature, knowing that you would only change it back.

You scoff, “Then so be it.”

You turn around to allow Zendaya to wash your hair, something she insisted on doing every time.

You played with the water that hit your chest, splaying your fingers out against the spray from the shower head. You took the time to clear your head from the usual stressors of working in an emergency room, letting the cruel words of difficult patients roll off your shoulders, and allowing the thought of your lost patient be moved to the back of your mind.

Zendaya tapped your shoulder a minute later, a signal to turn around and rinse your hair out. “What am I making for dinner tonight?” You ask, scrubbing your scalp with your fingers to rinse the bubbles out of your hair.

“Oh!” Zendaya said as she grabbed your conditioner, “Tom and Jacob invited us out to dinner tonight at Johnny’s Sushi House.”

You smiled, “Thank God. I really didn’t feel like cooking tonight.” You turn back around to face away from Zendaya.

She squeezes your shoulder, “But we don’t have to. I know that work has been really stressful for you recently, and you’re probably exhausted from the double shift.

You shake your head as her fingers smooth the conditioner into your hair, “No, you’ve been working your ass off too. You deserve a night out.”

Zendaya kissed your shoulder with a small thank you as she handed you your loofah.

“So, love,” you said as you reached across Zendaya to grab the soap, “How was your day?”

You giggled as Zendaya rolled her eyes, “Stressful. Did you know that collaborating with a millionaire can be really tiring?”

You laugh again, “But it’ll all be worth it in the end, Z.”

Zendaya sighs as she switches with you to wash the soap suds off of her body, “I know, I know. It’s just stressful now.”

You hum lightly, “Well I’m proud of you anyways.”

Zendaya smiles at you, eating up your compliments.

After rinsing off the body wash, you behind yourself,  turning off the water and following Zendaya out of the shower. You gratefully accepted the fluffy towel she handed you, wrapping it around your torso and another around your hair.

You walk over to the sink, pulling your makeup bag out from under your side. With a sly smile, Zendaya grabs her own makeup bag and turns some music on, fully prepared for the inevitable dance party you were about to have.

You both dance around the bathroom in your towels as you get ready to go out, belting out the lyrics to your favorite songs, and pausing only when absolutely necessary (like putting mascara on).

As you blow dry your hair, Zendaya comes up behind you, wrapping her arms around your waist, swaying back and forth with you, singing softly in your ear.

You giggle and stutter out apologies when you accidentally knock her over the head with the blow dryer.

“You’re mean!” She says as she rubs the lump on her head.

You giggle and roll your eyes, sticking your tongue out at her through the mirror, “Well you shouldn’t be standing so close, then.”

Zendaya’s mouth drops open. She looks genuinely offended, but you knew she wasn’t.

It took a little bit longer to get out the door than necessary because someone had to get a little handsy, but the two of you were eventually climbing into your car and on the road.

“I don’t wanna talk about that!” Zendaya whined when you brought up one of the times she got drunk, admittedly one of the most embarrassing, and funny, times.

You were seated in a booth next to Zendaya, Tom and Jacob sitting parallel to you.

You snorted softly and kissed her cheek, “You just don’t like this story because you admitted you wanted to marry the dog.”

Tom and Jacob each threw their heads back laughing, catching the attention of a few other people. Not that they minded, however.

Zendaya crossed her arms, “It’s not fair! You never get drunk!”

You smile cheekily, “That’s what happens when you’re the designated driver, love.”

Zendaya rolls her eyes but perks up once she sees food approaching the table.

The conversation lulls as everyone digs into their food, only small comments passing between the four of you.

“I’m gonna run to the bathroom, I’ll be right back,” you say, kissing Zendaya on the cheek. She shoots you a small smile of recognition before she’s sucked back into her conversation with Tom.

When you finish in the bathroom and swing the heavy door open, more than ready to return to your friends and wife. What you didn’t expect was to see a man standing in front of the women’s bathroom, blocking your path.

“Hey, pretty thing,” he said immediately. He instantly set off alarms inside your head. He moved closer to you, trapping you against the wall, “What do you say we go get a drink?” His breath reeked of alcohol.

“No, I’m good. I have to get back to my friends,” you say. You avoid eye contact, keeping your eyes on the ground as you try to spin out of his grasp.

“Not so fast, sweetheart,” he says, grabbing your arm tightly, you cringed at the pet name.

You immediately open your mouth, wanting to yell for your wife, for Tom, for anyone, but the man clamps his hand over your mouth, “You aren’t going anywhere, baby. I’m about to show you a good fucking time.”

You felt the bile threatening to make its way up your throat, but you swallowed it down, choosing to bite his hand instead and stomp as hard as you could on his instep.

He let go of you with a yelp, and you took the opportunity to sprint off as fast as you could, “Oh you dirty bitch!” You heard the man yell after you.

You rush back to the table, grabbing Zendaya’s hand, “We have to go!” You tell her.

She looks confused, bewildered, your words were a surprise to say the least, “What? Why?” She glances over your features. You were sure you look a mess. Your hair was probably all over the place, your shirt was stretched out, and your eyes held a certain note of fear.

“I may or may not have just pissed some guy off because he was trying to rape me, so we have to go!”

Zendaya doesn’t fight you as you grab your hand and lets you drag her out of the restaurant, leaving a concerned Tom and Jacob in your wake.

You pull Zendaya out to the car with shaking hands and even shakier breath. You don’t care about what people think about you in your bewildered state. You’re just lucky that there isn’t any paparazzi around.

You drop into your car, and before Zendaya can even close her door all the way, you’re speeding out of the parking lot.

“What the fuck was that, Y/N?!” Zendaya yelled once you pulled out onto the highway.

You took a deep breath, trying to keep your tears at bay. Not only was this an extremely stressful situation, but Zendaya was yelling at you. Your wife never yelled at you. Never. You had told her how much you hated it and she swore that she would never do it again. Now, six years later, there seems to be some misconceptions.

“I told you. Some guy came up to me and he,” your voice catches in your throat, “He wanted to do shit to me. We had to get out of there.”

The rest of the ride home is silent. Not the comfortable silence that you’re used to. No, this one was tense, you could slice the air with a knife, and waves of anger were rolling off of your wife. Your heart was pounding, head spinning as the adrenaline wore off. All you wanted to do was curl up in your bed with your dog and cat and wife, but judging by her reaction, you knew that wasn’t likely.

When you pulled into the driveway Zendaya immediately jumped out of the car and stormed through the front door. Usually she would wait for you by the hood of the car and you would walk together. You knew you pissed her off, and you knew this was your fault.

You pulled the keys from the ignition with a sigh. You grabbed your phone and wallet before making your way to the front door. It was going to be a long night.

You shut and locked the front door behind you, throwing your keys, phone, and wallet on the small table pushed against the wall of the hallway, and hung up your coat.

You knew you needed to find Zendaya and talk this out, so you wandered to the living room, hoping to find her there. With the couch empty and the TV off, your next step was the kitchen, where she was leaning up against the kitchen counter, one hand holding a glass of water, and one arm wrapped around her torso.

She didn’t move when she heard the clicking of your heels getting louder, coming closer. She chose to stay staring at the wall, but couldn’t help but notice you standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

You fiddled with your fingers, tears brimming your eyes, “I’m sorry about tonight,” you whispered softly, the lump in the back of your throat made it hard to talk.

You weren’t sure how you thought Zendaya would react. Sure, you knew she’d be upset. Maybe she’d throw her hands up in the air and storm off, but you never expected her to react the way she did. You never expected her to let out a dry, sarcastic chuckle and say, “Sure you are.”

The words were like a knife through the heart, piercing the deepest parts of your soul, “W-what?” You stammered.

Zendaya’s head snapped towards you, her eyes ablaze, and her face hard lines and rough expressions. “What the hell were you thinking?” She slammed the glass down so hard you were afraid it was going to shatter.

You sucked in a breath, jumping back, your heart racing in your chest. You had never seen this side of Zendaya. In your six years of marriage and four years of dating, she had never raised her voice like this. She had never slammed things down. She had never made you feel so… so unsafe.

It scared the shit out of you.

“I was thinking that I wasn’t gonna make it out of there!” Your voice broke as you thought about what could have happened. What almost happened.

Zendaya scoffed, “We didn’t even get to say goodbye to them! I swear to God! This is the one day off I have and you manage to ruin it! What if there were paparazzi? Y/N, it would have been everywhere! They would have spun it out of control! It would be impossible for me to get a job! You could have been arrested!”

You thought it couldn’t have gotten worse, but your heart shattered at your feet. You thought her sarcastic chuckle did you in, but no. No, it was this. She didn’t care. Zendaya didn’t care. You could have been raped, killed, kidnapped, all of it, and she didn’t care. She wouldn’t care. Zendaya didn’t care.

Zendaya didn’t care.

The thought ran around in your head like a dog chasing a squirrel.

Suddenly, you were very calm. Your voice was even, your hands didn’t even shake as you pulled your wedding band and engagement ring off your finger, slamming them down on the kitchen island, “It’s good to know your job is more important than your wife.”

Without another word you grabbed your keys and stormed out the door, the sound of the slamming door resonating inside the silent house.

You climbed into the car, slamming that door too, before peeling out of the driveway.

Trophy wife, you decided. You let the tears fall: you were a trophy wife.

Zendaya stood at the counter, stunned. Her eyes moved back and forth between the rings on the island and the doorway you had just retreated from.

The weight of what Zendaya had just done hit her like a freight train. She had done the one thing she had sworn she wouldn’t do, and you left.

Zendaya crumbled to the floor, sobbing. Tears poured down her face, and it was getting increasingly hard to breathe as her heart rate picked up further. She held her head in her hands as her world spun on its axis.

Call her. Zendaya’s brain couldn’t form coherent thoughts, but the two words stuck out enough for her to take action. With shaky hands Zendaya reached for her phone in her back pocket. She immediately dialed your number, only sobbing harder at your contact name: ‘Wifey’.

She prayed to every God there was that you would pick up, but the sound of your phone buzzing from the counter sent her reeling. It was going to be impossible to reach you.

Her breathing became even more unsteady. She was having a panic attack, that much was simple. Usually, Zendaya would just call you and you would be able to talk her down, but not this time.

You were gone and Zendaya was afraid you were never coming back.  

Zendaya scrolled through her contacts once more until she reached Tom’s name.

“Hello?” Tom’s voice was gruff, probably from sleep, making Zendaya realize how late it really was. “Z, what’s wrong?” Tom was wide awake upon hearing Zendaya hyperventilating on the other line.

Zendaya shook her head frantically, almost not wanting to say the words out loud, “I-I-It’s Y/N. She’s gone. God, Tommy, I fucked up so bad!”

Tom didn’t know what was wrong, exactly, but he rushed out of bed, pulling on the closest pair of pants he could find, “I’m on my way, Z, hold on, okay?” Tom’s soft voice was a stark contrast to the chaos on the other line. “I’ll be there in five minutes.”

Zendaya was able to whimper out an “Okay,” before Tom hung up and raced out to his car.

The five minutes that Zendaya had to spend alone was utterly terrible. Zendaya was alone with her thoughts. Her terrible, terrible thoughts. You were gone, honestly and truly. She was going to be a twenty-six year old divorcee and lose everything that was important to her. She was going to lose you. She was going to lose herself. She was going to lose her future, her entire fucking world.

Zendaya laid curled up on the floor, sobbing her heart out while she waited for her best friend. She was sure she just reeked of helplessness.

True to his word, Tom burst through the door five minutes after he hung up, even though he lived ten minutes away.

It didn’t take Tom long to find Zendaya; all he had to do was follow the sounds of her sobbing to the kitchen. He didn’t even think, he just dropped to the floor next to Zendaya, bringing her into his arms, “Hey, shh, it’s okay.”

Zendaya shook her head against Tom’s chest, “No, Tommy, you don’t u-understand. She left her rings. She’s l-leaving me, Tommy. I fucked up so bad. I fucked it all up!”

Tom kissed the top of Zendaya’s head, “What happened, Z?”

“I told her that I didn’t care. She was harassed and I acted like I didn’t care!”

Tom sighed heavily. He didn’t know the full extent of the story, but he had never seen Zendaya so worked up over something before.

Tom held Zendaya for an hour while she cried herself into exhaustion before carrying her to the couch, covering her with a blanket.

Tom paced the floor while he called your phone, but soon found out what Zendaya had only hours earlier. You had stormed out and left the only way of contacting you on the kitchen counter.

He knew that it was just a waiting game now. All they could do was wait for you to come back, that is, if you ever did.

You had been driving for hours. You had no destination in mind, so you drove in a straight line, not stopping until you hit the ocean.

You sat on the hood of your car watching the sunrise; it was nearly five o’clock in the morning, and you had been driving for almost seven hours. You had cried all the tears you possibly could and now you were just numb.

You couldn’t describe how you were feeling other than numb. There was a hole in your chest. You felt like you were hallucinating, maybe even in a nightmare. Your brain seemed to be three steps behind your body.

You missed your wife. Every fiber of your being was begging, pleading you to turn around and go back home. The words running around in your brain, however, made it impossible for you to do that.

Zendaya doesn’t care. You’re a trophy wife. Zendaya doesn’t care. Zendaya doesn’t care. You’re a trophy wife.

You watched the sunrise in silence for a few moments before reaching behind you to grab your phone from your back pocket to take a picture. If everything was going to explode in your face when you got home, you at least wanted one tiny, little, minuscule good thing to come from it.

You froze when you didn’t feel your phone. You climbed into your car, rooting around in the center console, the passenger seat, the glove compartment, and even the backseat.

“Oh no, no, no, no, no,” you grabbed your hair by the roots. You left your wife alone at home. You knew this had to be tearing her up, right? She had to be upset. You had left your rings on the island for God’s sake!

If anyone were to ask you what had happened in that moment, you would tell them that your brain finally took control again. It was like finishing a cup of coffee in the morning. You were finally fully aware of your surroundings and the fact that you just left the house for seven hours with no way of communication. Your brain finally caught up to your heart, letting your heart take control of the situation for just a moment.

“Fuck!” You yelled, before putting the car in drive and speeding back home.

When Zendaya woke up, she didn’t remember anything. That is, until she rolled over, reaching for your body, but found only couch cushions.

Zendaya’s eyes snapped open and she sat up ramrod straight. Her stomach churned and she threw the blanket off of her legs, racing to the bathroom to throw up last night’s dinner with tears already rolling down her face.

Zendaya jumped when she felt a pair of hands pull her hair back and place a cold rag on the back of her neck. She desperately, desperately wished it was her wife instead of her co-star, but she knew it wasn’t. She knew you weren’t home and it was quite possible you were never coming back.

“Shh, it’s alright. Let it out,” Tom said soothingly. Zendaya felt a sharp guilt shoot through her. Tom shouldn’t have to be doing this.

When she was done, Tom helped Zendaya up, keeping her steady while she brushed her teeth and lead her back to the couch.

Zendaya couldn’t feel a goddamn thing. She felt numb.

She didn’t even know how she got to the couch. All she knew was she was in the bathroom one second, and on the couch the next with Parks and Recreation playing on the TV, and a blanket draped over her lap.

She looked up at Tom as he came in the room carrying two steaming mugs of, what she assumed was tea. Zendaya cleared her throat softly; her throat still felt raw from the bile, “Did Y/N ever come back?”

Zendaya almost didn’t even want to know the answer, and when Tom answered with a negative, she felt her heart breaking all over again.

Zendaya held the warm mug in her hands, she didn’t even remember grabbing it. You were driving while upset. You had been out all night with no money and no phone. You could be dead on the side of the road by now and no one would know.

Zendaya dropped the mug onto the coffee table in front of her and buried her head in her hands. Her whole body shook as Tom wrapped his arms around her, trying to calm her down.

Tom felt almost as helpless as Zendaya. It hurt him to see Zendaya so worked up. He wanted to be mad at you, he really did, but he knew that you never stormed out of an argument. Tom always thought it was so annoying, but he genuinely understood now. He knew that you never stormed out of an argument unless it was really, really, dreadful.

Within the hour, Zendaya had cried herself to sleep in Tom’s arms once more.

It was nearly one in the afternoon when you finally pulled in to your driveway, barely even a drop of gas left in the tank. You noticed Tom’s car in the driveway, guilt immediately filling your stomach. You knew Zendaya wasn’t doing well if someone was over. She was always so fiercely independent, it was something you admired greatly about her, but it also meant that she was desperate and hurting.

You walked into the house, shutting the door quietly behind you. You kicked off your shoes and set your keys on the table, taking in a deep breath. You didn’t know what you would be walking in to. You and Zendaya had never fought this hard in your entire relationship. You hoped you would be able to fix it; this woman is the love of your life. You want to raise kids with her, grow old with her. You want to spend the rest of your life with her.

Taking one last breath, you walk through to the living room, your socked feet making no noise. The sight that you walked in to shattered your heart: Zendaya was curled up in Tom’s arms on the couch, tear stains running down her face. The sight of her being comforted by another person hurt more than you ever thought possible. That was your job. You were supposed to hold her when she cried, and you sure as hell weren’t supposed to be the one to make her cry.

You gently shook Tom awake, startling him with your sudden appearance.

If you were being completely honest, he looked like shit. The dark purple bags under his eyes suggesting an utter lack of sleep, the bleariness they held telling you it had been a hard night for him too.

You were more than thankful for his lack of judgement as he stood up and laid Zendaya down on the couch carefully. He hugged you tightly and kissed the top of your head, silently reassuring you that everything would be okay.

“Thank you for taking care of her, Tommy,” you whispered.

Tom nodded, “She was really broken up. I’ve never seen her like that.” Tom looked back at Zendaya’s sleeping form solemnly, “I don’t wanna overstep my boundaries, cause I don’t know what happened, but please don’t leave her,” you couldn’t believe that tears were forming in his eyes, “I don’t think she could handle it.”

You shook your head, “I don’t think I could either, Tommy,” you admitted honestly.

Tom nodded softly, and with one last comforting kiss to your head, he quietly left the house, leaving you alone with your sleeping wife.

You felt your throat close up as you knelt in front of Zendaya. You reached a hand out and ran it down the side of her face, your finger tracing the tear stains. You picked up her left hand, which lay limp on the couch beside her, and kissed her ring finger. You love this woman with all your heart.

You didn’t want to wake her up, knowing that she needed to rest, but you also didn’t want to leave her side any time soon.

Entangling your fingers with hers, your other hand found her hair as exhaustion hit you like a truck. You laid your head down on the crook of your elbow. Admittedly, it wasn’t the most comfortable of positions, but you were finally granted some piece of mind now that you were back home.

Soon enough, you were asleep too.

Zendaya didn’t know how long she had been asleep, but the first thing she had noticed when she woke up, was you.

She felt her heart squeeze and flood with relief. She couldn’t be happier to see you right now; she had been so worried about you.

Zendaya didn’t particularly want to wake you up, but she needed to see you. Talk to you. She desperately needed to talk things out with you. She untangled her fingers from yours, reaching up to shake your shoulder gently, “Y/N, Y/N, wake up, baby.”

Zendaya smiled softly as she watched your eyes flutter open, almost laughing at the confusion that filled them, then watching as it changed to recognition and you were launching yourself into her arms.

“I’m so sorry I left like that, baby. I-I swore I wouldn’t but I d-did,” you rambled into Zendaya’s shoulder.

Zendaya shifted with you in her arms to a more comfortable position, and you took the opportunity to wrap your arms and legs around her and bury your face in her neck. “You have no reason to apologize, love. I shouldn’t have said what I did. I was such an asshole. You had every right to leave.” Zendaya grabbed the sides of your face, lifting your face to hers, “I am so sorry. I never should have said those things. I love you so much.”

You took a deep breath and looked in Zendaya’s eyes, “Z, I thought I was gonna die. I didn’t think I was gonna make it out of there. I didn’t think I was gonna be lucky enough to come home with you.”

Tears ran down Zendaya’s face, “I know. I was just so scared of losing you. I was scared and I didn’t know how to react and I reacted the complete wrong way. I deflected everything and twisted it around to make it seem like it was your fault, and that is just crazy manipulative and just… insane. I mean, I acted like my job was m-more important than you. Than the love of my life.”

You leaned your forehead on Zendaya’s, “I know, honey.”

Zendaya shook her head, “No. It’s not. You said it yourself: you could have fucking died.”

You took a deep breath, “Neither of us handled the situation well, Z. I shouldn’t have stormed out, and you shouldn’t have said those things, but it’s over now.”

Zendaya looked up at you, surprised, “So,” she swallowed thickly, “You’re not gonna d-divorce me?”

You chuckle lightly and wiped the tears off of Zendaya’s face, “No, baby. I’m not. We had a fight, granted, it was a pretty big fight, but what happened last night was a stupid mistake and I’m not about to throw away 10 years of something great just for one stupid little thing. I love you too much to do that.”

Zendaya kissed you forcefully. It was the first time she had kissed you since you had left, and it felt like a breath of fresh air. You gladly and enthusiastically returned her kiss, more than happy that you had started to resolve the issue.

You only pulled away when it was getting hard to breathe, “Why don’t we go up to bed, yeah?” You asked, your fingers lightly tracing the bags under her eyes.

Zendaya nodded, “A shower and a nap sound heavenly, if I do say so myself,” she said.

Before you could even think of clambering off her lap, she stands up with you in her arms causing a loud squeal to burst from your lips, “Zendaya! What are you doing?”

“Quick pit-stop, love,” she said. Only a second later she was setting you down on the kitchen island.

She reached down next to your thigh and grabbed your rings. With gentle hands, she slid them on your left ring finger and kissed them softly, “You scared the shit outta me, you know?”

Tears brimmed your eyes once more, but you push them down, “You scared me too, Z.”

She kisses you gently, “Let’s go take a shower, yeah?”

A sly smile crosses your face before you’re jumping from the counter and sprinting upstairs, “Only if you can catch me!”

what did you think? want be added to my tag list?

[businesbitch]

pick random 5 for jacob

12. bar soap or liquid? do they like loofahs?

Either is fine, but Jacob tends to have an abundance of body washes hanging around in his shower – multiple bottles, different scents, all half-used and rarely ever finished. Loofahs are a quick breeding ground for bacteria and weird to clean (he’s too lazy to actually be a germaphobe), so a good ol’ washcloth is the way to go in his opinion.

9. what do they sleep in? pj’s, normal clothes, nothing?

Sweats and pajama pants (usually of the flannel variety) are aplenty in his wardrobe, most often paired with an old, random t-shirt when it comes time for bed. Jacob has a pretty decent collection of shirts and hoodies, too, from his college days, the school he works at, and random sports teams. If it’s warm enough, though, he’ll just sleep in his boxers.

48. do they like tv shows or movies? or neither?

Jacob definitely prefers movies over TV shows. Sometimes he’ll catch random episodes of a show he enjoys or veg out for an evening to watch someone else’s favorite, but he’s not the type to leave the television on for background noise, either. He’s a fan of getting to sit down to watch, process, and finish content all in one sitting – which means no Netflix specials for him. And despite how much he actually likes going out to the theater, you couldn’t pay Jacob enough to ever get invested in the fiasco of Marvel superhero films.

35. are they the jealous type? what are they most likely to be jealous of?

Not particularly. Sibling rivalry was a struggle when he was younger and Jacob felt pretty green over a few assistant teaching positions that he missed out on during university, but he’s rarely ever let his jealousy negatively impact his life. He considers himself to be pretty level-headed in that regard, because when it comes right down to it, jealousy usually passes quickly. Jacob would rather be an asshole when the situation really calls for it.

41. do they have a big family or a small family? no family?

Jacob’s immediate family is on the smaller side. There’s his parents and his younger brother – and even one or two dogs during his childhood, making them a very stereotypical household. He also has plenty of cousins as well as aunts and uncles scattered around South Carolina, but he’s drifted apart from most of them outside of occasional Facebook likes and family get-togethers.