#Jackass imagine

[berzahoes]

i love you | johnny knoxville

summary: just some moments with johnny and the reader

an: yes i’m watching jackass 🫶🏼

PARTY BOY

johnny was busy taking a shower while you did your skin care routine. the jackass crew had made it to the uk and everyone was tired. you were more annoyed than tired, it seemed like every little thing annoyed you from waiting too long for the elevator to johnny’s snoring on the plane.

“did you call your mom? she wanted you to call when we land,” johnny said as he washed his body. he got no response so he slightly moved the curtain so he could look at you. “did you hear me?”

you hummed and continued washing your face. “yeah, call my mom although i’m pretty sure she won’t pick up since, you know, time zones.”

“are you going to be mad at me during the whole trip? i said sorry.”

you rolled your eyes and continued washing your face. while checking in, the receptionist of the hotel had said some flirty comments to johnny right in front of you and what did johnny do? he laughed it off then later when you were unpacking a little, he explained that he laughed because he was he didn’t know how to respond.

“come on, i know i was an asshole-” he saw the side eye you gave him. “i am an asshole, but this asshole loves you and you’re not getting rid you me that easily. you’re stuck with me, baby.”

“you’re still an asshole.” you mumble, grabbing a towel to dry your face.

then someone had knocked on the door, you still didn’t move from your spot, which johnny noticed. “you’re not getting the door, are you?”

“you’re so smart, philip.” you replied. through the mirror, you saw him sigh and carefully got out of the shower. you were being nice so you handed him a small towel.

“who is it?” johnny asked as he opened the door then saw that it was chris and tried to close the door.

“it’s party boy!” chris forced his way into the bathroom where he saw you in your sweat pants and bralette. “let’s party!” he danced around you then got into the shower with johnny, who couldn’t stop laughing.

“why did i open the door?” johnny laughed.

you joined their laughter as you saw the camera crew enter as well. “i’m not even tired anymore.” you watched as chris danced in the shower. after a while, you forgot you were even mad.

SILVER FOXVILLE

the filming of ‘jackass forever’ had to stop due to a virus so everyone had to stay home. you liked it since you could finally spend more time with johnny. you two did many things to get rid of your boredom like puzzles, bake, watch movies, sleep, swim in your pool and even more sleep.

during quarantine, johnny had decided to stop dyeing his hair. you didn’t think much of it since at some point everyone starts going gray, but once you saw johnny with his silver hair, you couldn’t keep your hands off of it.

when filming for the movie resumed, johnny was now sporting a full gray hair look and you loved it. in the mornings, you would run your hands through his hair, compliment him, play with it. he just looked even better.

when you and johnny arrived to the jackass forever set, all eyes were on him. jeff immediately let out the loudest laugh when he saw johnny.

“who are you and what have you done with knoxville?” jeff chuckled then he turned to you. “you’re dating an old man.“

“jeff, i can literally see your grays from here.”

GQ COUPLES QUIZ

“hi everyone! we are here to take the couple’s quiz.” you smiled. you and johnny were sat across from each other with flash cards in your hands with questions written on them. after many years of knowing, dating and marriage, you seemed pretty confident.

“okay, we actually did a game of rock, paper, scissors and johnny won so he goes first.” you explained.

“sorry sweetheart, you suck at that game, but i love you. okay, what is my middle name? we’re starting off easy.” johnny said.

without thinking, you immediately answer. “john. if i say your full name, do i get bonus points?”

“we can make up our own rules. i’ll give ‘em to you. but only because i love you.”

“love you too, philip john clapp.”

“next question, you watch snl right? have i ever hosted saturday night live?” johnny asked.

“no?” you weren’t sure if johnny was even allowed to be on snl, you were convinced all the jackass guys were banned.

“you’re breaking my heart, babe. you were there! system of a down performed and you watched them perform.” johnny scoffed.

“no, i remember system of a down but i don’t remember you hosting if i’m being honest. congratulations, i guess.” you laughed as johnny rolled his eyes.

“i really hope you get the next questions right. what was my number in the royal rumble match? again, you were there.”

“easy, number nine,” you confidently said. “nine is my lucky number.”

“really? mines sixty nine.”

[storiesforallfandoms]

feeling good ~ johnny knoxville

word count: 1823

request?: yes!

“I’m not too sure if you’d write for the Jackass, but I’m going out on a limb here. I wanted to request Johnny Knoxville smut, just him eating you out like his life depended on it and maybe him cumming in his pants. Idk why I just feel like that man goes feral for pussy. Thank you.”

“Hiya, would you be able to do a Johnny Knoxville smut?? Can literally be anything!!”

“hey i've just read your Johnny Knoxville fics and I LOVED them! I think you're an incredible writer!!

If it's okay (and you don't have to write it if you don't want to) but would you be able to write a Johnny Knoxville x female reader smut? Literally anything!!

Thank you!!!”

description: in which he gets a little too turned on while making her feel good

pairing: johnny knoxville x female!reader

warnings: swearing, smut (oral; f receiving), this might be more of a blurb than a one shot/imagine, but let’s see where it goes (which isn’t really a warning but i feel like i have to state that now)

masterlist (one, two, three)

It was an understatement to say that Johnny worshipped your pussy. Every second he could get he would want to be giving it all the love and attention he felt it deserved, whether that be playing with it, fingering it, fucking it just the way you wanted him to. But his favorite way to worship your pussy was by going down on you.

There was no place Johnny would rather be than laying on this stomach or down on his knees with his head between your thighs and his tongue absolutely devouring your clit. It was his favorite way to get you prepped for his cock, although sometimes he didn’t even need to put himself inside of you to get off. All he needed was his tongue against you, your thighs around his head, and the beautiful sounds of your moans filling his ears.

Johnny was absolutely feral for your pussy.

You’d never complain about his love for going down on you, though. Not that you could, honestly. When Johnny’s tongue was on you, you could barely form a coherent sentence. He made you feel so good in a way you didn’t even know was possible. You half-jokingly told him more than once that you had wasted all your life with guys who were “afraid to eat pussy”, and he wholeheartedly agreed.

Your favorite was when he would wake you with his tongue, which was how your day had started on this particular morning.

You were already in the middle of a wet dream involving Johnny when you were slowly roused from your slumber by a pleasurable feeling between your legs. At first, you just thought you were still dreaming. It wasn’t until you felt the sharp sting of Johnny’s fingernails digging into your thighs that you realized this was real, and you quickly opened your eyes so you could take a good look at your loving boyfriend beneath the covers.

You pulled back the covers and ran a hand through Johnny’s graying hair. Feeling your touch, he looked up at you with those lustful brown eyes that you loved so much.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” he said.

“Good morning,” you responded, your sentence capped off with a gasp as Johnny ran his tongue through your folds again. “I’ll never get over waking up this way.”

“Good,” he said. “Because I don’t intend on stopping this any time soon.”

You opened your mouth to respond, but before you could, he dove back into your pussy. Your head fell back against the pillow as you moaned in pure ecstasy. Johnny’s tongue ran from your clit down to your pussy, lapping up the pool of arousal that was forming there. One hand gripped the sheets beneath you as the other held firmly to Johnny’s head, attempting to stay grounded however you could.

He started by lapping slow, long strokes from your cunt to your clit. A repetitive back and forth that had your toes curling already. After being teased by your dream, you weren’t sure if you’d be able to last long. You desperately wanted to feel him inside of you, but you knew it was no use in asking him to stop just yet. For one, he was going to want you to cum in his mouth. That was a given. But also, you knew that if he did stop now to fuck you, he’d just be right back where he started after a short break so he could get what he wanted.

There's no harm in multiple orgasms, you thought to yourself. I’ll have him inside of me either way.

What you didn’t know was that this was turning Johnny way more than he felt it should’ve. Of course, it wasn’t the first time that the action of eating you out alone had gotten him this rock hard and ready to burst. Most times he felt like this, actually. He had never voiced that to you in fear of what you’d think of him getting off to just eating you out. It always made him feel like a teenage boy again instead of a grown man.

But most times when Johnny got too turned on just from eating you out, he would get you to cum almost immediately so he could fuck you and get his own release. Since he had gotten a bit of a head start (no pun intended) before you woke up, he felt like he was dangerously balancing on the edge of his own orgasm. He didn’t think he’d last long even when he finally got to put himself inside of you.

His tongue strokes became quicker and more desperate. His face was buried in your pussy, his tongue shoving as deep into you as he possibly could. Feeling the tip of his tongue protruding your tight hole caused your body to tremor with the build up of your orgasm. You gripped his hair tightly and pulled it a little, causing him to moan into your dripping folds. His dick was so painfully hard that all he craved was to feel your cunt gripping him tightly, milking his cum out of him while he got to look down at your beautiful face.

Johnny rutted his hips into the mattress in hopes of getting some relief, but it proved to be a bad idea when he felt his own orgasm creeping up on him. Even the slightest breeze could push him over the edge at this point. He didn’t want to hurry you along too much, but he was beyond desperate at this point.

You started chanting his name like it was the only word that you knew. That’s how he knew you were getting close. He gripped your thighs so tightly that he was leaving crescent marks imprinted on your soft skin. He ate you out like you were the last meal he would ever have, feeling your body tense up and wanting to feel it release as soon as possible.

“Johnny!” you cried out as you felt the coil inside of you snap suddenly. He moaned into you, the vibrations running throughout your body like extra pleasure.

You whimpered as Johnny pulled away from you. His lips and chin were glistening from your juices, a sight that turned you on enough to want to go for a round two almost immediately. You reached out for him as he started to lift himself off of the bed, but he caught your wrists in your hands before you could pull off his pajama pants.

“I...uh...I may need a minute,” he said.

You looked at him in confusion as he got off the bed and made his way into the ensuite bathroom. You couldn’t understand why he wanted to take a break before fucking you. Usually, once he made you cum, he’d have himself balls deep inside of you now and fucking your brains out.

It wasn’t until you moved to close your legs and felt a wet patch near your feet that you got an idea as to what had happened.

When Johnny exited the bathroom, sans his pants and boxers, you couldn’t help but smirk to yourself.

“Did you cum just from going down on me?” you asked.

You didn’t mean for it to sound judgmental. You definitely were not about to make any negative comments after making this discovery. You didn’t want Johnny to feel bad, and also you found it very hot that he was able to get off like that. But your question caused a look of embarrassment to cross over Johnny’s face. You quickly sat up onto your knees and moved to the edge of the bed to take his face in your hands, forcing you to look at him.

“Hey,” you said in a soft, soothing voice. “I didn’t mean anything by that. I just wanted some confirmation on if that’s what happened or not.”

“I don’t want to confirm it,” Johnny muttered. “It’s fucking embarrassing.”

“No it’s not! Baby, that’s hot.”

“You think it’s hot that I came in my pants like a fucking middle schooler getting dry humped for the first time?”

You chuckled and pulled him so that he was sat on the bed next to you. “Okay, I understand why you may think it’s embarrassing. But to me, it’s really fucking hot to know that you got off that much by going down on me. Is that the first time it’s ever happened?”

Johnny nodded. He tried to look away from you, but you put a hand under his chin and forced him to look back up at you.

“No embarrassment,” you reminded him. “I’m just asking questions.”

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Yes, it’s the first time. I’ve gotten turned on to a point where I was close before, but I’ve never gone that far where I came just from eating you out. Usually we fuck before I get to that point, but I guess where you were asleep when I started today, and I was already hard from my morning wood, I just...couldn’t hold it back.”

You leaned forward to press a kiss on Johnny’s cheek, moving inwards until your lips were nearly touching his ear.

“I think that’s really fucking hot,” you whispered in his ear, nibbling it slightly before pulling away. Red started to crawl up his neck towards his face as he looked at you with wide eyes. “You like eating this pussy so much that it makes you cum?”

He nodded, unable to form any words. You noticed his dick twitch and begin to grow slightly. You smirked to yourself as you reached between the two of you and wrapped your hand around the base. He gasped as you pumped him slightly, helping him along to become harder.

“I think it’s so hot that you definitely deserve the pleasure that you were robbed from getting earlier,” you continued. “Do you think you’d be okay with that? Can your cock handle feeling my tight pussy around it right now?”

He moaned and grabbed your face to kiss you deeply in response. By now, his dick was rock hard yet again and throbbing in your hand. He pulled at your shirt, the only article of clothing in the way of leaving the two of you completely bare. You broke the kiss long enough for him to pull the shirt over your head and throw it onto the floor with the rest of your discarded clothes. You pushed him so he was laying down on the bed and straddled his lap.

“You took such good care of me this morning, I think it’s time I took care of you,” you told him. “Is that okay?”

“Fuck, that’s more than okay,” he breathed. “God, you’re so fucking perfect. How did I ever get so lucky?”

You giggled and leaned down to kiss him. “Because you know how to give good head.”

[olivia091108]

how to be a jackass Introduction

Word count:1.k

Tonight I’m going out with my sister and her boyfriend because apparently ‘I need to get a a life’ which I think is kinda rude but the only reason she’s saying that is because her and her boyfriend are thinking of moving out together but I don’t know anyone around town and she doesn’t think I’m responsible. She’s right

“Are you kidding me we need to leave in a half hour and your still in your pyjama’s chop chop”she claps her hands in my face.

She can get quite stressed when it comes to me I wasn’t the easiest to grow up with I was a bit of a hothead we both have a few stories from tell of our fights which she still has a scar form that she never shuts up about

“Alright calm down I have loads of time” I push myself off the sofa and just as I walk past her I barge her against the wall and quickly scurry to the bathroom and lock the door before she gets crazy.

I walk into my room with a towel wrapped round my body and one in my hair and flick the tv on just to have some noise in the background it was an alright show jackass that I would watch when I get back late and nothing else is on except teleshoping. I don’t have anything against it but they need to step it up cos I know give me 10 or 20 bucks I’ll do anything they do.

I find an old shirt from when I was like 15 or something and picked up some jeans that were laying on the floor before slipping on some shoes.

“See I’m ready in what 5 minutes you need to take some Xanax I swear”

“Your hair is literally dripping” I flip my head back and forth no doubt getting it on her. And walk down to her boyfriend Oliver who was gonna drive us.

Once we get their it’s already kicking off and walk towards the bar but some grown men are standing there ignoring me while I ask them to move so I manage to budge my way through them and get a rum and coke.

I start to sweat being surrounded by 15 people who clearly know nothing about personal space. I see my sister and Oliver talking to some dude and my sister starts pointing me out and calling me over.

Y/n come here so you know that show you love jackas-

Love? No I don’t love it I don’t even like it that much but what does that have to do with anything?

“Y/n”she says my name like my mum used to when I would break something she jerked her head to the man just standing there and at first I’m confused but then I realise who he is Oh shit

you don’t like the show sweetheart?the leader of the show asks

“I mean It’s alright but you could do better.” He laughs a bit at my words “oh yeah what then?”

“Nah I didn’t mean to be rud- no I’m serious what do you think”

“Do more nasty shit or more extreme stuff and more painful stunts all in saying is anything you lot do I could do if I knew I was getting paid or just for a laugh”

Ill buy you a drunk if you make out with that man at the bar he points to a fat man who is drenached with sweat and is missing a tooth at the bottom

“Easy.”

I walk over to him and straight up grab his face and kiss him slipping my tongue and feel him grab a handful of my ass and a few seconds later pull away and walk back over to Johnny using the bottom of my shirt to try and wipe my tongue

“Ok your’e turn Pants that biker playing pool” Johnny looks at him and he looks like he will smash his face in. He walks over there and waits till he has his back to him and as hard as he can yanks his jeans down with his boxers coming as well exposing his bare crack Johnny turns round and ores tends to be in a conversation with some random lady.

The man pulls Johnny to face him and holds him by the colour getting redder and redder. His friends start crowding him and they look like they’re gonna jump him so I walk over and tell him.

“Sir they ran into the bathroom he didn’t do it.”

He lets go of Johnny and storms towards the bathroom with his friends following hot on his heals. I burst out laughing making my eyes water.

“I was about to get my ass kicked”Johnny said joining in on your’e laugh.

The night progressed like this having a couple drinks doing some dares. I didn’t even know that Olivier and my sister left. Some of his fiends joined in.

Running along the bar naked then getting pushed off -Chris

I poured salt in my eye

Ehren getting pool balls thrown at him.

And obviously Steve o lit himself on fire spreading it onto my hair

And so on by the end we were all drunk as fuck and had been kicked out.

I wake up with a throbbing head ache and open my eyes but getting blinded by the lights once they adjust I’m in the bath but I don’t recognise it. I get out and try and find out where I am I hear voices so I walk towards it and then it clicks.

We got kicked out and went back to Steve os apartment carrying on the night everything else’s is a bit hazy right now.

I see all of them in the living room chatting and I also see Steve o wearing my shirt that is 4 sizes too small and some boxers.

Hey Steve o can I have my shirt back I groggily ask making them look towards me probably forgetting I was here.

Yeah dude. He takes it off and throws it at me and I take off the one in wearing and give it to him.I turn around and change

“Dude that bruise is gnarly” I look down at my hip bone and see it decorated with a purple bruise from when I tried to break the door down.

“Y/n you weren’t bullshitting last night we’re you? Johnny asks

“What about?”

“Well we were thinking you were right we gotta be more exciting and you seemed pretty into it would you wanna join.”

“No offence babe but Johnny she was drunk as shit she won’t do any of it sobre”

“Try me.”

Time skip

“Im y/n y/l/n and this is electric mouse trap.”

I stick out my tongue and let Chris clip it on to my tongue and immediately feel the electricity. I Jump around in pain trying to keep it in as long as I can to prove to them I can do it. I Shake my head and rip It off my tongue and It feels numb. I try to speak but all that’s coming out is jibberish and everyone including myslef laugh.

“Welcome to jackass y/n”

Guys I’m baaaack

This will be a slower burn series of bam x reader and jackass girl don’t know how often I will post but I’ve planned at least 3 chapters and I’m so excited message me any headcannons you wnat in this

Ik bam wasn’t in this but just you wait

My requests are still open

-liv

[missusdunn]

Bam Margera X f!reader X Ryan Dunn pt.1

Warnings!! - Smut, Oral f!giving, cussing, 18++++

Dating Bam Margera threw you into a lot of spontaneous adventures. The parties, impulsive trips across the world, dangerous stunts. It became normal to expect the unexpected. The only predictable thing about Bam was his selfishness especially when it came to you. You are his and his only. You couldn’t even have a friendly conversation with another man without Bam going into a bitch fit. However, there is one exception. Ryan Dunn. They’re a two-in-one deal. You can’t get close to one without the other. And Bam trusts Ryan so no reason for jealousy. Just a trio of pals.

One night, Ryan invites the two of you to his apartment to drink and hang out. Anticlimactic but fun nonetheless. You and Bam head over there with a bottle of vodka and let yourselves in. “Oh hey, you two! Thanks for knocking, so considerate!” Ryan greeted. Bam chuckles and says “Don’t act like you don’t walk into my house like that, asswipe.” “Whatever,” Ryan grabs the vodka from Bam “this’ll make up for it.” I roll my eyes, kick off my shoes, and make my way to the couch. Bam follows suit and Ryan goes to the kitchen to get cups. Bam stretches and melts into his seat. “Finally a night to relax with my two favorite people.” He smiles and puts his arm over my shoulder. I playfully roll my eyes “Don’t be sappy just to get into my pants later.” He sarcastically puts his hands up “Sorry, sorry.” He smirks. “I have better tactics anyway.” He cups my face with his right hand and leans in for a kiss. Of course, I kiss back and it doesn’t take long until his tongue is in my mouth. After a few more seconds Ryan is back. “Excuse me but I’d appreciate it if you two didn’t fuck on my couch!” He says playfully. “We’re not fucking, Dunn,” Bam grumbles with a slight pout having cut the make-out short. “Yet. Thank god I stopped it just in time.” Ryan says placing cups on the coffee table. I laugh and pick up my glass to fill with liquor. Ryan stops me from picking up the bottle and pours it for me. “Oh, such a gentleman,” I say sarcastically while taking a sip. “Anything for you, darling.” He playfully winks filling up the other two glasses. “You fuckers know I’m right here right?” Bam rolls his eyes as Ryan and I laugh. Bam grabs the remote and tosses it to Ryan. “Put some shit on, Dunn let’s get fucked up.” As he chugs his first round.

A couple hours later we’re all buzzed. It didn’t take long for the TV to become background noise. After multiple conversations filled with slurs and giggles the topic of Ryan’s love life came up.

“You really haven’t been getting any lately?” Bam laughs. “Dude it’s not a big deal!” Ryan defends himself. “I’ve just been busy!” Bam continues to laugh “Yeah you’re so busy binge drinking on your couch!” Ryan’s brows furrow “fuck you.” I hit Bam on the shoulder and give Ryan a sympathetic look. “Ry, there’s no shame in not having sex! Not everyone can be sexually active twenty-four seven.” I say “Unlike some whores…” I motion to Bam. Ryan lets out a chuckle and Bam rolls his eyes. “If I’m a whore that would make you one too, idiot,” Bam argues. “Oh babe you and I both know that’s not how it works,” I sigh “Your body count is 10x times mine!” “Whatever since you’re fucking me you’re a whore by association.” He snickers. “You’re such an idiot.” I sip my drink. Bam smirks and leans in. “Your idiot.” Kissing me and turning it into a full-on make-out session in less than ten seconds. That’s gotta be a record.

Ryan groans. “Again please do that anywhere else.” Bam pulls away and looks at his friend. “Yknow what just fucking join, Dunn.” Ryan’s eyes go wide and I’m too shocked to say anything. “What?” Ryan asks, thinking it’s a joke. “It’ll help with your blue balls that make you so pissy,” bam smirks “and I know how long you’ve wanted to fuck y/n.” Ryan keeps his eyes on Bam with red coating his cheeks. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Bam chuckles “Yes you do!” He points out “Before we started dating you, I would talk about all the things we’d do to her!” Now I’m the one with cherry-red cheeks. “Come on, Dunn you down or not?” Bam looks at me as if he’s asking with his eyes. “I’m down if Ryan’s down…” I stumbled out. Bam looks back at Ryan “Alright, let’s do it then.” Ryan agrees. Bam smirks in satisfaction and motions Ryan to sit next to me. Now I'm in the middle. Bam goes for my neck kissing and sucking. While I’m left looking into his friend’s eyes. Ryan hesitated a little bit but then kissed me like it was the end of the world. My throat vibrated with moans and Bam’s hands made their way to my chest. Groping me through my top before pulling it over my chest to expose my tits. I gasped into Ryan’s mouth from the sudden movements. Ryan pulls back to look at my breasts, groaning at the sight. He pushes Bam’s hands away and replaces them with his own. Bam immediately starts to kiss me sloppily. As Ryan has begun sucking on my tits making sure both nipples get the same amount of attention. My moans gradually increase the hotter it gets. I push both the boys away from me. They give me a confused and concerned look. Before they could say anything I got down on my knees in front of them. Their eyes widened in realization before slightly scooting closer together so they weren't too far apart. I began to palm them through their jeans, both of them already hard. “I need you both now,” I whine. Immediately the two start fumbling with their belts whipping their dicks out.

I spit onto both of my hands and begin to jerk my boyfriend and his best friend off. Bam’s groaning and Ryan has his eyes closed letting out breathy moans. I wrap my mouth around Bam’s dick and begin to deep throat him. Trying to get his cock covered in as much saliva as possible. As my left hand continues to stroke Ryan’s Bam grabs my hair and pushes me down on his length a bit more. Groaning when he reaches the back of my throat. I push back off his lap and replace my mouth with my hand. I shift my attention to Ryan and I start to suck the tip of his cock, swirling my tongue around it. And jerking off his shaft twisting up and down. Ryan’s heavily breathing with his eyes locked on mine. I continue to switch between the two men with my mouth, whilst jerking the other one off. Bam’s moans get louder letting me know that he's close. I have a hand on each of the men's shafts. I begin to firmly stroke Bam, twisting up and down. My tongue hovers over his tip waiting for his cum. With a final groan, Bam shoots his load onto my face. From the lewd image of my face covered in cum Ryan finishes in my hand. “Shit.” Ryan curses. I move my face towards my cum-covered hand and clean it up with my tongue. Both boys catch their breaths before sharing a chuckle. “I can’t believe we just fucking did that.” Ryan laughs. “I remove my hands from them, cleaning myself up with a nearby throw blanket. “Consider it an early Christmas present.” Bam continues. “You may wanna wash this…” I smirk, tossing the soiled blanket at Ryan. The two laugh as I get up to go to the bathroom. Until Bam interrupts my movements “Hey, where are you going? It’s your turn.”

[michelle-is-writing]

Forgotten Dinner, Johnny Knoxville

Word Count: 1.7k~

Warning: Little bit of angst, forgotten anniversary, sexual themes mentioned

The food in front of me made me sick to my stomach, seeing all of it just sit there without having been touched. A couple hours of putting it all together and setting it up seemed like a waste now as I haven’t even taken a bite of it since I put it on the table. I wanted to wait for Johnny to get home, but even though he had told me he’d be sure to be at home by 6, I still find myself alone as the clock on the stove turns from 10 to 11 pm. Today isn’t our marriage anniversary, but it is the anniversary of the day we met, so I wanted to surprise Johnny with dinner and a new lingerie set I got. It doesn’t help that he’s not answering the phone either, and I’m starting to feel like it all of this was a waste now.

Choosing to head to bed instead of wait up any longer, I put all of the food away in the fridge and lazily toss the dirty dishes in the sink before heading out of the kitchen. Just as I reach the hallway, the sound of keys in the door stop me, leaving me to turn toward the front door and watch Johnny walk in. He wears a laughing grin on his face until he sees me by the hallway, still dressed in the velvet dress I picked out for tonight. At the same time, my eyes catch the butterfly bandages stripped across his eyebrow and the several bandages wrapped around his forearm.

“Hi, baby,” he says, an almost awestruck look currently on his face as he takes in my appearance. He certainly looks pleasantly surprised. “You look… fucking fantastic, what are you all dressed up for?” Hearing his words make me smile, but I still feel a small bit of heart ache at the reminder of the food I made and how much planning I put into tonight.

“Um, nothing anymore,” I almost mutter, reaching hand up to mess with the clip in my hair as I look to the carpeted floors. “You told me you were going to be home at 6, what happened?” I can’t help but ask him, crossing my arms in front of me as I swallow down the nauseous feeling in my throat.

“Jeff asked me if I could help film another skit with the guys, so I stayed to help them and kind of hurt myself,” he tells me, still lingering by the front door as he continues looking me up and down with that same facial expression. However this changes in a few moments as an almost scared look takes over him. “I… I think I forgot something important, what did I forget? What is today?” He asks, now closing the door as he begins racking his brain. Before he gets too far, I stop him and simply inform him by reminding him of today’s date.

“It’s the day we met,” I bitterly remind him, watching the color drain from him. My stomach somehow churns even more seeing the guilt take over his face. “You told me you’d be home at six, but it’s eleven now. I made dinner, it’s in the fridge. I think I’m just going to… go take a shower and go to bed,” I say, shaking my head lightly.

Just as I begin to turn to head up to our room, Johnny stops me. “What? I just got home, don’t you want to stay up for a little?” He asks, stepping into the middle of the living room. “Baby I’m so sorry I completely forgot today, please, I’d love to spend time with you.”

In any other moment, I would’ve smiled at the sweet words leaving his lips, but knowing he forgot that today was the day we met and that we had plans makes the smile stay away. “I think I’ve stayed up long enough,” I say to him, turning my face down to the floor again. “Goodnight, Johnny.”

Before he says anymore, I head up the stairs and into our room where I close our door and let my tears fall. He stayed back for the guys on the one night we discussed him being home on time. If only he could’ve done this any other night, then the issue wouldn't be as severe. There have been many nights in the past where Johnny has stayed late on set, but even then, he texted me on those nights to tell me - unlike tonight when he wouldn’t respond to any of my texts or calls.

After locking our bedroom door, I walk into our bathroom and stand in front of the counter. Staring into the mirror, I watch as my mascara slowly rolls down my face, causing me to wipe it away with a tissue. I really liked my makeup and outfit tonight, and I was really looking forward to Johnny seeing me dressed up tonight and how he might react. Although, I was anticipating how he would react to what I have on underneath my dress more.

With a small sigh, I throw the tissue in my hand away before sliding the straps of my dress down with the rest of the material following it. Looking back into the mirror, I run my hands down my lace clad hips and up to the straps of the matching lacy bra. As I adjust the straps to better hold it’s contents, I step back to look at myself in our mirror and smile. At least I like the way I look tonight. The set came with a waist band that connects to the underwear and it only helps to accentuate my waist and hips even more. I was hoping Johnny would enjoy it too.

A loud crash beside me scares me away from the sink and over to the bathroom window that is now open as Johnny clambers through it, putting his upper body through before almost throwing his legs in behind him. At the same time he does this, his head hits the corner of our bathtub, causing a groan to leave his lips as he crumbles on the floor and I rush toward him. Despite my questions over his head, Johnny barely pays attention to his own pain as his focus shifts to my lingerie clad body. “You were wearing that? For me?” He asks, still lying in the floor unmoving as if he were awestruck. “Baby, holy shit, when did you get this set?”

“Johnny, that’s not important!” I exclaim as I get on my knees beside him to observe his head. He didn’t crack it open, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t give himself yet another concussion. “You hit your head!”

“It’s not the first time, don’t worry please,” he reminds me, moving to sit up with a small smile. “I deserve it after making you wait for me all night dressed like this,” Johnny adds, looking me up and down with a sigh. “I’m so sorry, babe, after I got hurt, we sat around and iced all of our injuries. Not to mention, I broke my phone during the fall too,” he further explains, “I’m so, so sorry I forgot about tonight.”

After a few seconds, I sigh and brush the hair away from Johnny’s forehead where a goose egg is already forming. “I wouldn’t say you deserved to hit your head, specifically,” I tell him, “You’re not good at remembering dates, I know that; mostly because of the many times you have hit your head in the past,” My comment earns a guilty smile from Johnny as he turns to look away, knowing he can’t deny it. “But I do wish you would’ve been home earlier.”

“I should’ve been, and I am so sorry, baby,” he apologizes once more, closing his eyes before turning his head back to me. “You have no idea how sorry I am. I hate that I made you wait up, I hate that I’ve made you cry,” he adds, his eyes now open as he moves a hand up to brush against my previously tear stained face. “I’ll start being home by 6 every night, I’ll bring you flowers every week, I’ll let you tase me, whatever you want - please forgive me.”

His offers make me want to giggle, but I want to try and stay as serious as I can for right now. “I have a few ideas,” I tell him, taking his hands in mine before helping him stand up. He doesn’t wobble or anything, which is good; at least he doesn’t seem to have yet another brain injury to add to the long list of previous ones. For a few moments, Johnny looks me up and down like he did when he was on the floor, albeit this time, he doesn’t look so dopey. “Why don’t you start by helping me out of this?”

At my suggestion, he grins. “Of course, but babe,” Johnny starts, letting go of my hands to wrap one arm around my waist while he grabs my leg with his other hand. All the while, I brace myself on Johnny by holding onto his shoulders as he pulls me flush against him, my leg now curled around his hip with his arm keeping it secure there. “Tonight’s all about you, and I know it’s our anniversary but you deserve so much tonight,” he further tells me, sincerity deep in his voice. “I promise, I’ll try my hardest to make it up to you.”

After a few moments, I smile at Johnny. “I’ll hold you to that,” I tell him, earning a smile back from him. “I love you, Johnny, even when your bad memory gets the best of you,” I add, causing him to laugh before connecting our lips. At the same time, he takes his arm away from my waist to pick my other leg up and hold me, causing me to cling to him even more as he begins carrying me to our shared bed. Lying me down on it, Johnny breaks our kiss and pulls away to smile down at me.

“I love you too, baby,” he murmurs, staring at me with a hazed look in his eyes. That is, until a smirk makes its way onto his face. “Now, just relax,” Johnny tells me, his hands sliding underneath the lace of my bra as he perches himself between my legs. “And I’ll show you just how sorry I am.”

[babybammargera]

Bunny and Baby Lifeguards on duty

Party boy x fem reader (early jackass era)

You’re sitting on the floor of the van brainstorming ideas for skits with the boys and Jeff. Normally you’d get thrown into something chaotic with Ryan or maybe Ehren but apparently, fans like it when you interact with Party Boy. Jeff looks at you, “How do you feel about doing the lifeguard bit with Pontius?” You shrug and look up from your iPod, “depends on the context. “Tony Hawk just bought a house and the pool is currently empty. And we somehow convinced him to film a bit with Bam, Dave, Steveo, Ehren, and Weeman where they're skating the pool basically slamming into each other trying to skate and you two get to shoot them with paintball guns and look pretty in bikinis. You in?” You crack a smile, “Chris is prettier than me and pulls off a bikini better but I'm down, Bam and Sleepo have been pranking me a ton this week so I'm ready to get them back.”

The next day the crew arrives at the house and everyone is setting up and getting ready. You had already gotten dressed for the day, A black bikini top with the jackass logo on it and short black shorts to match. You touch up your makeup and hair in the mirror then head outside. Pontius bounces up full of energy wearing a full cheetah print bikini with matching bunny ears, “Hey if there's time could you braid my hair in two fishtail braids it's fucking hot.” You nod and sit down on one of the pool chairs Jeff had brought for the bit, “Pigtails?” He settles on the ground between your feet smiling, “You know me so well.” Despite how long his hair is you make quick work of the task and finish them just as Jeff gathers everyone up for filming, “Okay so here's the paintball guns I'll let you two figure out how you wanna introduce the bit but we've settled on Pool of Pain for the name.” he runs to his director's chair and sits down. Pontius strikes a “sexy” pose as Spike starts filming, “Hi I'm Bunny the lifeguard and I'm here with my friend and the true eye candy of jackass y/n and she's helping me on lifeguard duty today at the pool.”You look over your sunglasses at the camera and smile, “This is the Pool of Pain and trust me there's gonna be a lot of it.” You turn as the camera pans to the other boys and nail Steveo right in the leg with a brightly colored paintball. One by one they drop into the pool narrowly avoiding each other at first but then quickly beginning to collide as they try to avoid the paintballs. Ryan is the first to bail scrambling out of the pool tossing the battered-up skateboard he probably borrowed from Bam to the side, “All right I'm out!” You crack up at the sight, “Come on Ry can't take the heat?” He flips you off and lays in the grass. Soon the others follow suit one by one crawling out of the empty pool with various bruises and scrapes splattered with neon paint. Steveo gets close to the camera wiping his face with his shirt, “That fucking sucked dude.” Jeff giggling behind the monitors calls it a wrap. Adjusting your top you glance at your partner in crime for the day, “Ya know if you take away the paintballs it looked pretty fun.” Tony walks by and puts his helmet on your head, “Go skate if you want.” You make a face and set the sweaty helmet to the side before picking up Bam and Steveo's discarded boards, “care to join the party Pontus?” He grins and takes off his bunny ears, “hell yeah!”

[stratossphere]

ville x dad’s sex shop customer??? like he’s there and ur horny and u wanna buy something and you end up using him instead FUQAHAHA IDFRKKK

the shop owner’s son | v.v

you go shopping in kari valo’s sex store, but you get something different than what you came for.

warnings: lots of sex toy talk, smut, protected sex, inappropriate use of work time

word count: 4.5k

a/n: THIS IDEA WAS SO FUN TO WRITE hope you like it <3

tags: @asskickedbygirl @lieutenant-cinnamon-roll @kissofdawn666 @brandons-wife @valos-venus-doom @ghoulishguns @4377666 @d34c1

— —

You were not usually an embarrassed person. Hell, you had walked into a sex shop in the middle of the day on a Saturday when everyone you knew was out shopping, and you hadn't cared in the slightest about who saw you.

But as soon as you saw who was working the checkout, all of that confidence immediately died inside you.

You had been to this store quite a few times. Kari Valo, the owner, had a vast array of all sorts of interesting things for you to waste the leftovers of your paycheck on, and you were even on a first name basis with the man.

But, in all your times coming here, you had never seen this man. He was clearly bored, and was facing mostly away from the door while he flipped through a magazine where he was sitting in a chair behind the checkout desk. Because he wasn't paying any attention to the rest of the store, you were able to look him over, admiring him in all his long hair, eyeliner, and tattooed glory as you walked mindlessly around shelves.

That had to be Kari's rockstar older son. There was no way it wasn't. And, if it was, that was the son that Kari had multiple times offered to set you up on a date with considering his son was 'too lonely and too grumpy'. If you had known said son so fucking hot, you would've agreed with the man.

"Yell if you need help with anything." Kari's son muttered, still engrossed with his magazine as you browsed an aisle that was in the direct eye-line of the desk. You narrowed your eyes at a shelf of dildos that ranged in a rainbow of different colors, mentally trying to decide if a pink, sparkly dildo was worth 40 euros when you only had 60 to begin with.

"Do you guys have any dildos that are half off because they were like, already used or something?" That was a joke, but you mostly just asked because you wanted to hear the hot rockstar talk again. He snorted, still not looking up from his magazine.

"That would be a health code violation, so no." God, his voice was deep. As he remained focused on the page in front of him, you set a mental challenge in your head to get him to look at you. Might as well test if Kari was onto something with saying you would be a good match for his son, right? You sighed dramatically.

"Well, I don't know what I want." You said, sounding as miserable as you could manage. You grabbed the pink sparkly vibrator box off the shelf, and then grabbed a rainbow rabbit vibrator box from the shelf below it. "Which one looks prettier to you?"

When he heard your footsteps coming towards the desk, he had to look up, and you were more than pleased to see him doing a not-very-subtle double take when he laid eyes on you. You held out both boxes to him.

"Do I look more like a rainbow type of girl, or pink and sparkly?" You prompted, giving him your most coy smile as you held sex toys out in front of him for him to inspect. He was fully looking at you now, and you noted the fact that where Kari's eyes were dark blue, his son's were a shocking green. Kari's wife must've been really pretty, because their son was downright fucking delicious to look at. "Or would you recommend something else? I'm open to suggestions."

"Colors don't mean shit. Do you want a dildo, or a vibrator?" He said instead, taking both boxes from your hands and setting them down on the counter to look them over. "We also have a wide variety of anal accessories, if you're interested."

"Hey. I care about the colors." You insisted, shaking your head at him for being so uncultured while working at a sex shop before you motioned to the boxes in front of him. "Pick one."

"Considering you just asked me if you could buy a biohazard dildo for cheap, I'll pick pink and sparkly because it costs less." He finally answered dryly, tapping his fingers over the top of the dildo box as he looked up to you. "Is this your first dildo? We have care manuals."

"Oh, far from. I know the owner by name, so you could say I'm experienced." You said proudly, winking at him as you pushed the dildo box towards him. "Save that for me. I'm not sure that's what I want yet."

"I'll apologize on behalf of your owner friend's absence. His youngest son needed a ride to the airport." Kari's (older) son mused, taking the box you'd pushed towards him and sliding it to the side on the counter. You so wished you could remember what Kari had said his name was, but you were blanking. You raised an eyebrow.

"Hm. And you're the older son, aren't you?" It was still a guess, but you would've been incredibly shocked if you were wrong. And clearly you weren't, because the man in front of you chuckled.

"What gave it away?" He asked as he sat back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest where his shirt read SLAYER in flaming letters. You hadn't come in here planning on flirting with the cashier all day, but that was exactly what you were doing now as you leaned down to inspect the little trinkets on the counter so that he had a direct view down your shirt.

"He tells me all about his rockstar son. And, I hate to break it to you, but you look just like your dad." You explained, sticking out your hand across the counter. "He really wanted me to meet you at some point, so I'm Y/n, and you have to tell me your name."

"Ville." He accepted your handshake, and as he did so, you could see him shamelessly staring at your cleavage. "He wanted me to meet you, hm?"

"Yes. Personally, I think it's so that I can get a set of fresh eyes." You said decisively, brushing your thumb over the back of his hand as you shook it before you let it go and motioned to the store behind you. "I'm free all afternoon. Give me some recommendations."

You didn't need any recommendations, because if anybody knew sex toys it was you, but you weren't about to pass up the opportunity to talk sex with the gorgeous man in front of you. And he didn't look like he minded, either, because he was out of his seat as soon as the request was out of your mouth.

And holy fuck. He was clearly over 6 foot, and as he neared you, you could smell his rich cologne and the heavy bite of cigarettes. You already knew he smoked, because Kari complained about it every time Ville ended up topic of conversation, but you really liked being able to smell it on him. He clearly noticed you obviously checking him out, and all he did was let you as he motioned to a wall of assorted vibrators.

"Are you looking to put something in or keep it out?” He asked, leaning his hand against a shelf as he looked down at you with eyes that were eagerly awaiting your answer. You hummed in false thought, then shrugged.

"Both." You were definitely looking to put something in, but it certainly wasn't anything hanging on a wall. In fact, the thing you had in mind was instead now pointing at a shelf of butt plugs.

"How much does this interest you?" He asked, a hint of amusement on his face as he quizzed you. You were really glad there happened to be no one else in the store at the moment, because at this point you two did not look like you were having a normal conversation, and he seemed to be getting closer to you every time you looked away.

"Depends. Do you sell any with the cute heart-shaped jewels on the end?" You asked, grinning up at him as you played with him just to see him react. He was starting to grin now, and he let out an over-dramatically sad sigh.

"Unfortunately, we keep it pretty simple." He said, motioning vaguely to a huge black butt plug as he spoke. You also let out an over-dramatically sad sigh.

"Too bad. I like them cute." Once again, you winked at him when you said that before you turned away to look at more things that were on display. "Do you have any vibrators that are for couples?"

"Any vibrator can be for couples if you know how to use it correctly." He sounded sure of himself, and the amount of interest in his voice had dwindled at you mentioning couples. However, it wasn't gone completely, and he tsked. "Your boyfriend sent you out to buy a vibrator for both of you and isn’t paying?"

"I don't have a boyfriend." Now you were practically laying it at his feet, and you were thankful to see that he was easily picking up on the fact. You then motioned to what seemed to be an endless selection of vibrators. "Choose one for me. I can't decide."

He turned to look at the variety, standing shoulder-to-shoulder with you as he crossed his arms once again and scanned around thoughtfully. You could still smell his cologne, you found yourself silently wondering if he would still smell that good with all of his clothes off. Your brain then lingered on the 'Ville with all of his clothes off' portion of your thoughts, and you didn't even notice he was holding something out to you until he spoke.

"Have you ever used one of these?" As he asked, you read the box, and you realized that he was holding one of those vibrators that slipped over your fingers. Hell, it even had 'great for partner play!' spelled out on the top of the box. You bit at your lip.

"No. Do you have somewhere where I could test it out?" You felt a little bit bad because Kari Valo was so nice and you were currently trying to get into his son's pants inside his store, but it was Kari's own fault for having such a handsome son. Ville's eyes clicked with understanding, and he glanced back towards where you knew Kari's office was behind the checkout desk.

"One second." He then handed you the box in his hand before he stepped around you, and you turned to watch as he went to the door before he flipped the 'open' sign to 'closed'. Your heartbeat picked up in your chest. When he came back, he motioned for you to follow him. "There's a lot of training against letting customers use products inside the store, but you can have a special exception."

"Oh, it's okay! I won't actually be using any products." Just as you passed the counter, you set the box down, trading it for a box of condoms that was in a display box before following right after him as he led you into the back. His grin widened considerably when he saw that, and he had the door open to the back office within a few seconds.

"Well, can I help you with something else, then?" He asked, staying in the doorway of the room as he let you in to his dad's office. His tone was low and sly, and you felt yourself getting even more aroused than you had already become at the sound. You didn't say anything, just held his gaze with eyes that told him exactly what you wanted, then watched with excitement as he took the hint before coming completely into the office and closing and locking the door behind himself.

There was only a split second in between him doing so and you closing the gap between the two of you. You had to reach up on your tiptoes, but you caught him in a kiss, one hand reaching up to cup his cheek as you kissed him hungrily. He leaned down slightly when he kissed back, his arm sliding around your waist as he slowly backed you up towards the small couch.

The couch was covered in junk and boxes, but you and Ville never stopped kissing as you haphazardly cleared enough room for Ville to sit down. You passed the box of condoms to him before beginning to undo your jeans, admiring the sight of him with kiss-bitten lips as he quickly ripped the box open.

However, his eyes were quickly back on you once you stepped out of your jeans and underwear, his tongue darting out to swipe across his bottom lip before he was pulling you down into his lap as soon as you were close enough for him to get a hold on you.

You kissed him again as you settled into straddling his lap, your arm wrapping around his neck and your fingers finding a hold gently on his hair as your free hand helped him get his belt open and his jeans undone.

"Hurry." You breathed as he fought with his zipper, your lips moving to drag against his jaw and down to his throat as you spoke. You'd gotten yourself worked up from all of the flirting, and it wasn't like you had come to a sex shop because you were feeling satiated and not at all horny. He finally managed to get the zipper open before he was pushing his jeans down, allowing his already-hard cock to spring free and up against the hem of his shirt. You felt your heart jolt in your chest at the sight, and your mouth watered. God, he really was good looking in every single place.

"Put it on." He held the condom out to you, and there was a cocky (no pun intended) look on his face as he watched you stare at his erection. You forced yourself to look away enough to get the condom from his hand, tearing the foil open as quickly as you could while his hand rested on your hip.

His smirk faltered just slightly as you rolled on the condom, the gentle swipe of your fingers on his cock making his breathing pick up just slightly as he watched you. He was clearly just as desperate as you were, and you were reveling in the fact.

"I want you." You whispered as you dipped down to kiss him again, shamelessly tasting into his mouth as you positioned his cock at your entrance before slowly beginning to slide down on him. He groaned in response, his mouth dropping into your neck to allow for his teeth to find your skin. You whimpered softly once fully seated on his cock, grinding your hips down slowly and letting one arm wrap around his neck to hold him against you. "Shit, Ville."

"Yeah, just like that." He breathed against your shoulder, his long hair tickling your neck as you began to ride him with your nails slightly dug into his shoulder. He smelled even better up close, and you found yourself having a hard time not inhaling where his head was rested against your cheek. There was something way too addictive about Ville Valo for him being someone you had just met.

As you began to find a steady pace riding his cock, his hand moved to grip your hip tightly and guide you down deeper, low groans leaving his lips with every grind of your hips. You leaned back enough for his head to leave your shoulder then, catching him in another kiss the second he had done so and immediately drawing your tongue across his lower lip. You could taste his cigarettes now, and your head was spinning at the fact.

"All I could picture was what you would look like with my cock in you the whole time you've been in here." Ville said as he began to kiss from your lips down your jaw and to your throat, his teeth nipping gently with every kiss before he was sucking gently at your collarbone. You whimpered at the thought of him doing to you what you had been doing to him as he suddenly pulled at the hem of your shirt. "Take this off."

You quickly followed his request, pulling your shirt up and over your head while his hands quickly found your bare skin as he held your hips. Your breath felt uneven and tight as his lips found your neck, sucking just slightly as he kissed from just under your jaw all the way down towards your sternum. When you felt his breath hot on your tits, you let out a stuttered gasp, only having a split second to let your brain compute before his tongue was swirling hot and slow around your sensitive nipple.

"Holy shit." Your voice was a whimper, but you really couldn't conjure up anything else to say besides that. Your body was overwhelmed by the intoxicating feeling of his every touch, and it didn't help that his hips were gently rolling up into you and thus doubling the pleasure of his cock hitting your sweet spot where you were still riding him.

Your fingers eventually made their way into his hair, pulling on the long strands just enough to make him groan into your mouth as his head dipped back slightly against your hand. You gasped slightly when his teeth bit gently at your nipple, his eyes finding yours with wicked amusement shining in his green irises as he noticed your reaction. He was evidently having the time of his life, and he only groaned as you pulled his hair a bit harder as the tip of his cock hit a particularly sensitive spot inside of you.

"Yeah? Does that feel good?" He hummed at your continuous panting, his lips moving back up to brush heavily at your neck as he continued to fuck up into you where he was clearly getting impatient with your pacing. You only whined, tipping your head to give him every available inch of skin that you could offer as he licked and sucked at your throat.

"So good. Don't stop." You pleaded, although you weren't sure he would've stopped if the building had been burning down. His eyes continued to find yours every time he tilted his head to find a new, more sensitive spot on your neck, and it was easy to see that he was eating your reactions alive.

And it only got worse when one of his hands suddenly left your hip and then promptly slid between your legs before his fingertips were touching to your touch-starved clit. You choked on the limited air in your lungs, your hand moving from his hair to grip tightly at his slightly-sweaty shoulder as he began to rub your clit in slow circles. Your brain was far beyond mush by now, and you barely even noticed the fact that you were digging your nails deep into the skin of his shoulder.

Your hips found a new vigor at the feeling of his fingers on your clit, and your head dropped to his shoulder that you weren't holding onto as you began to chase your own high. The pleasure was only building, and with his hands on you the way that they were, you were far past desperate. You barely even knew this man past his name, and yet you had never been so overtaken by the presence of another human being in all of your life.

Once again, you found yourself thanking Kari Valo. Both for his beautiful son and for providing the couch that you were currently using very inappropriately.

"Fuck, you're gonna make me cum." He groaned as his head rested against yours, his fingers beginning to speed up on your clit as he clearly got closer and closer to his orgasm. You tried to respond and tell him that you were just as close as he was, but you couldn't find the words, instead just groaning against his skin as you let him take the lead.

The small office was filled with the sound of skin-on-skin and the building sounds of pleasure coming from the both of you, but all you could focus on was the feeling of his cock hitting deep inside of you relentlessly against the one spot that made it feel like your body was coming apart one nerve at a time. Your nails were deep in his shoulder, and although he definitely wasn't stopping you, you knew you were leaving marks that would probably become painful later on. 

At least he'd have something to remember you by.

As much as you were trying to hold off to give the appearance that you were better than falling apart the second Ville had put his hands on you, you were no such thing, and you couldn't hold it any longer. Your moans were rising to a desperate, sharp level, and you were seeing stars with every thrust of his cock. If your body hadn't been so overcome with pleasure, you wouldn't have been able to believe that this was real.

When you came, you cried out his name in an almost-sob, the added stimulation of his fingers circling your clit in tune with his thrusts making your legs shake harshly on either side of him as you rode him through your orgasm. He only continued to fuck you without slowing down, his fingers moving away from your clit and giving you a split-second moment of relief before he had both hands back on your hips to hold you down on his deep thrusts. You didn't know how much more you could take, and you had by that point gone lifeless against his chest as he chased his own high.

By the time his hips finally stuttered and you felt his grip tighten considerably on your hips before he was cumming, you were completely breathless and your legs were shaking completely beyond control. Even after his thrusts faded into slow rolls of his hips before eventually ceasing as he ran a hand up your back, you didn't move from where your cheek was resting heavily against his shoulder and your face was buried in the crook of his neck. You felt as if he had drained every essence of life out of you in the best way possible.

"Shit." He mumbled out after a long moment of the both of you trying to catch your breath, his hand continuing to rub softly at your lower back. Even in your state of mindlessness, you were cursing yourself for letting so much warmth settle in your chest over the sex shop owner's son that you had just met not half an hour before.

After a little while longer, you finally pulled yourself away from his shoulder despite wanting to stay there in his arms forever, trying to keep the smile off of your face as you were met with the sight of a slightly-sweaty and blissed-out looking Ville Valo.

"You know, you could bring in a lot of business if you keep working here." You said coyly as you tucked his messy hair out of his face just because you thought you might die if you didn't let yourself touch him again. He chuckled hoarsely, a slight wince tinging his features as you slowly pulled off of his softening cock.

"When my dad finds out I closed the stop for 45 minutes to fuck his prettiest customer, he's not going to let me come back." He mused, his eyes practically devouring you as he watched you pull your underwear and jeans back on from where they had been discarded in the middle of the room. You tutted, waiting until you had your pants back on before you looked around and found a notepad and a pen amongst the mess of junk on Kari's desk.

"That's too bad. I like the pretty cashiers." You teased, writing on the notepad in blue ink as you glanced over at him to see him throwing the condom away and tucking himself back into his jeans before he had his zipper and belt done up once more. You then ripped the top page out of the notepad before turning back to Ville, who had stood back up, and pressing it into his hand. "In that case, this is for you."

Ville read over the small piece of paper with your phone number on it with a hint of a smile pulling at his lips before re-opening the office door, letting you out first before grabbing the incriminating open box of condoms that you had brought with you before following after you back into the main store.

"Oh, sorry! I'll buy those too, since I kind of wasted them." You said as you spotted the condom box in his hand, smiling sheepishly as you stopped in front of the checkout desk where the stuff you had asked Ville to put aside was still waiting. Ville just shook his head, a pleased look on his face as he reclaimed his seat behind the counter.

"Everything is free. It'll come out of my one-day paycheck." He said coolly, throwing the sparkly pink dildo that had started this all, the finger vibrator, and the condoms into a bag before sliding it across the counter in your direction. You stared at him, jaw dropped slightly at the almost-100-dollars worth of sex toys he had just gifted you.

"You don't have to..." Your brain was still a little fuzzy from him fucking you senseless less than five minutes before, so you could barely craft a response, but he didn't seem to mind. He waved your number in the air with a smirk.

"I have this, so your payment can be picking up the phone when I call." He said calmly, his eyes raking over you as he spoke. "Someone has to teach you how to use the finger vibrator, don't they?"

Your legs had already been shaky, but you were a little worried that they were going to give out right then and there. The mere thought of doing what the two of you had just done a second time had your whole body reacting against your will, and you silently surrendered to the fact that you were already ruined for a man that you had just met.

Well, to give yourself some credit, you didn't 'just meet' a lot of men that looked like Ville Valo in your everyday life, so you were giving yourself a pass.

"You really know the way to a girl's heart." You crooned, taking the bag off the counter as you watched him pick his magazine back up casually as if he hadn't just turned your entire body to jello in an office in the middle of the day.

"You have no idea." He said smoothly, leaning back in his chair as he checked you out once more with a soft grin on his face. "I'll see you soon, love."

You refrained from saying 'hell fucking yes you will' out loud, instead voicing a normal-person goodbye before you were leaving him to his magazine with thoughts of your next meeting already in your head and legs that still couldn't quite stop shaking.

[knoxvillesjackass]

I’m thinking of them doing a Jackass special like “the roast of Johnny Knoxville” and it’s reader’s turn to go up and roast and Johnny can’t help but get turned on hearing her rip him apart, like he didn’t realise he was into it - so of course they have to fuck

𝐢 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤 𝐝𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞

i kinda made the reader a big tease in this, cause i thought it would be funny! hope you enjoy!

You were anything but ready, it felt like. Your hands were shaking and you had anxiously begun drawing doodles on your speech notes, which you'd come to regret later.

You could hear Wee-Man going at it, and the audience was clearly enjoying it, fits of laughter audible, even backstage.

As Comedy Central often did, a roast was being held to honour a celebrity. Johnny had been chosen as the celeb, and his jackass friends, other colleagues, and you, of course, were in the lineup to do a roast speech dedicated to Johnny.

You'd worked long and hard to make the speech make sense, and even after sleepless nights of worrying, you still weren't sure about the quality of the speech

All of the jackass guys and his other comedian friends were naturals at it, the whole public-speaking thing, but it frightened you.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we'll have a short commercial break and the next person to do a speech will be none other than Y/N, Johnny's wife!"

You were practically shitting bricks, and Johnny could tell when he walked backstage.

"Hey, baby," he smiled and approached you with a smile, which quickly dropped when he saw the state you were in.

"What's wrong, baby? Talk to me," Johnny said and cupped your face. "Can we sit down somewhere?" You sighed and Johnny nodded.

He grabbed your hand and led you into a small room with some chairs and a table.

Johnny sat down on the chair and patted his lab, signalling for you to come and sit, which you did.

You threw your legs over his and cuddled into his body, your long silky dress sliding across the floor.

"Talk to me, hmm?" Johnny hummed and planted a long-lasting kiss on your forehead.

"I'm so nervous, I hate talking in front of this many people," you sighed and hid your face in the crook of his neck.

"I know you do, but you know me better than anyone else. You can always make up some shit, and I'll be the only person to know if it's right or wrong," Johnny comforted you and you smiled.

Johnny looked amazing. With his nicely tailored suit, not to mention the red converse. He looked great, and you were only really realising it at that moment.

"You look hot, PJ," you smiled and bit your lip.

No, no, no. Please don't, out of all times, make this the time for you to get randomly horny, you thought.

But you couldn't help it. Your husband looked so good and maybe it could be good for your nerves.

"Don't start with it now, Y/N," Johnny warned you.

You shrugged innocently and smiled, "what?"

"You know what, and it can't happen here or now," Johnny said and tried to gently push you off his lap, but you repositioned yourself even closer to his crotch.

"For my nerves," you pouted and batted your eyelashes. Johnny threw his head back and sighed. "You know I can't say no when you do tha-"

Your faces were so close and with one, you broke the space by connecting your lips with Johnny's.

He moaned into the kiss, knowing as well as you, that there was not much time left before the commercial break would end. But he didn't pull away, and when you started straddling the fine fabric over his cock, he pulled you in and began kissing you back passionately.

"Mmmh, you look so fucking good, doll," Johnny commented and let his hands wander around your body, which he loved so much.

"Can you please fuck me, hard?" You asked Johnny, who broke the kiss when, conveniently, a production manager yelled from the hallway.

"Five minutes left, people! Knoxville, where are you?"

"Obviously, I can't," Johnny grumbled and you whined like a little child, slightly jumping up and down in his lap, only increasing the boner that was starting to form. "But, Jooohnnyy," you pleaded and kissed his cheek, beginning to undo his tie, but Johnny finally got a hold of himself.

He grabbed you and lifted you from his lap, standing up and looking down, a massive boner clearly poking out in his pants.

You giggled but covered your mouth when Johnny glared at you.

"Congratulations, babe. Now I have to go on national television with a boner," he said, genuinely irritated at you, and the situation as a whole.

If he had a choice, he would pin you against a wall and fuck the living daylights out of you, but the production manager's yells only became louder and more desperate.

"PJ, I'm sorry," you giggled and tried to wrap your arms around his neck, but he stepped away and pushed you slightly.

"Don't touch me right now, Y/N," Johnny warned you. He knew that any physical touch from you, would only make his lust even worse, and he couldn't hide his crotch in any way.

You put your hands up in defence and tried your very best not to laugh,

"Johnny Knoxville!" The production manager yelled again, this time flinging the door open to the room.

"You're both on in two minutes," he ushered you both out of the room and backstage, where you got your microphones fixed.

"After the show, you're fucking in for it," Johnny hissed through gritted teeth and you smiled excitedly.

"I can't wait!" You said as Johnny walked on stage and the crowd began cheering.

Funnily enough, your nerves were practically gone, but it seemed that Johnny was more nervous than you now.

-

“Dating Johnny is like dating Irving Zisman. He’s a terrible dancer, loves beer and likes for things to be thrown under the bridge,” you said and the room erupted in laughter.

You had been shredding him to pieces for minutes. Every word poured out of your mouth and flew into the large room, filling it with laughter.

Johnny laughed, although an ounce of bitterness hung in his smile.

You were the last one to speak, of course. You were the most important person in Johnny’s life, and it only seemed right to put you last as a way of ending the whole show with a bang.

"Right before this show, Johnny and I had some fun backstage-"

People started cheering but fear slowly spread across Johnny's face

"But we all know that Johnny can only get it up when he's either within a mile's radius of a bull or when his friends are talking dirty to him, so-"

Everyone laughed, but Johnny gave you a warning look and shook his head lightly.

"We, tonight, have the possibility to use one of our newest inventions. The boner radar!" You said, improvising completely. "That was, of course, a joke," you giggled along with everyone.

“Baby, Johnny, you’re the butter to my bread and the top to my bottom…Or the other way around?” You winked at the crowd and chuckled.

"My dear jackass, I love you every day and despite the bulls and the crocodiles and the skateboards, I'm still proud of you every day."

That concluded your speech and you bowed quickly to the crowd before hurrying towards Johnny. He kept on sitting down and only stood up when you were in front of him and hid his still very apparent erection from the audience.

"Did I do okay?" You asked and kissed his cheek softly.

"If I wasn't fucking pissed at you, I would say you killed it," Johnny mumbled, bitter-sweet as he hugged you back.

"That's alright by me," you shrugged and clapped along with everyone else as the show had come to an end.

-

Talking to Steve-O was never a disappointment for you, and standing backstage, you laughed out loud as he told crazy tales of his times with the Wildboyz crew.

Everyone was enjoying some drinks, all close friends of Johnny's gathered.

"Have you seen Johnny, actually?" You asked Steve-O when you looked around and realised that Johnny was nowhere to be seen.

"Nah, I haven't," Steve-O said, only just reaching the highlight of his story. "I think, that I'm actually gonna go to the toilet. Excuse me," you smiled at Steve-O, who pouted and waved you goodbye.

You then began your journey of trying to find Johnny. You looked outside, in the smoker's lounge and the bar, but the man had simply disappeared. That was until you reached the men's toilets.

You heard some noises, moaning noises and immediately identified them as moans of Johnny.

You walked in and looked at the stall doors, finally finding the one.

It was clear that he was jerking off, no doubt. His low grunts and the occasional high-pitched whimper made it very clear.

"Johnny?" You asked and knocked on the door, an elated sigh coming from inside the stall as the door was unlocked and pushed open.

Johnny sat on the toilet, his hard cock in his hand, and a hopeless expression on his face.

"Listen, doll, you need to help me now, okay?"

Johnny's voice was desperate and for once in forever, you felt like you had control.

"With what, Johnny?" You asked and smiled, very aware of what he needed help with.

"Quit being a smartass, yeah?"

His tone made you uncomfortable because he was genuinely really pissed at you and you were starting to feel bad.

"You'll help me now, and I won't hear any complaints of any sort from you, understood?" Johnny asked. You couldn't really do anything else than just nod and gulp.

"Good girl, get on your knees," Johnny ordered you and so you did. He sat on the toilet seat still and grabbed your wavy locks, assembling them into a low bun at the back of your head, tying it up with a hair tie from his pocket, that he always kept exactly for this situation.

You rested your elbows on his knees and grabbed a hold of his hard cock.

The tip was angry red and the shaft was veiny and thick.

You began pumping very softly and indeed slowly, focusing on Johnny's face.

He suddenly opened his eyes and cupped your face harshly. "Don't even think about it right now," he warned you and you hid a smile.

He was so desperate, so frustrated and needy, it was almost comedic to watch.

You did feel bad, so you sped up your movements, Johnny huffing out a breath as your pumps become quicker and more advanced.

Johnny moaned and grasped your hair harshly, finally feeling the sweet release he'd been craving for hours.

You brought your lips down to the tip and rubbed your spit as lubrication, all over his shaft.

Johnny's skin was hot to the touch and droplets of sweat were forming on his forehead. He bit down on his lower lip and whimpered softly.

You ran your tongue over the tip before taking him fully in your mouth. Johnny sucked in a few sharp breaths and rubbed your cheek.

Using your hand to stroke what your mouth can't reach as your head bops up and down, tracing the veins of his shaft while doing so.

Your pace quickened and it did not take much for Johnny to climax as his hips stuttered and his thighs flexed under your touch. He became a babbling mess, whispering all types of praise for you as you swallowed his load.

You got up from your crouched position, standing up while Johnny stayed in his sitting position.

You smirked and slowly removed the thin straps of your long dress, letting it slide off your body and fall on the floor. You stood in only your panties and high heels, and Johnny let out a small wow as he looked your body up and down.

You smirked and grabbed Johnny's hands, leading them to your lacy underwear, signalling for him to pull them down, which he did hastily,

Johnny bit his lip and looked down at your cunt, sliding a warm hand between your thighs, massaging your slit with two fingers.

He made sure to look at you the whole time, focusing on your expressions.

You grabbed a hold of Johnny's shoulders for balance as you closed your eyes and whimpered loudly when Johnny's slid two fingers into your already wet opening.

With great self-control and the need for Johnny's cock inside of you, you grabbed Johnny's hand and removed it from your cunt, lowering yourself down on his lap, his cock at your opening.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and whimpered into the crook of his neck as he lowered you down his shaft.

You began to bounce, although there was a slightly painful sensation, the size of his cock never seizing to surprise you.

Johnny was deep, deep inside of you and his hands on your hips only made it better as he forced you down deeper than you ever could go,

"You're so fucking tight, my baby," Johnny groaned and planted his head against your breasts. Your moans echoed through the toilets, but you didn't care.

Johnny's cock twitched with every sound of your moan and he was getting close.

You pulled back a bit, looking down at him as his climax thundered over his entire body. Johnny's chest was heaving heavily and his abdomen was tightening exceptionally hard as he gulps for air.

“God, you’re so fucking good to me," Johnny groaned as he continued to help you near your climax, which you reached soon after.

You were practically shaking on top of him, throwing your head back and arching your back, a series of loud moans and whimpers leaving your lips. Johnny watched you with pride and kissed your neck softly.

"Don't ever give me a hard-on right before going on television ever again, okay?" Johnny asked although it was definitely an order.

"I'll try," you winked and pulled up your dress, leaving Johnny with a sense of relief for once that day.

[philipjohnclapp]

Great! Anyway I can request a Bam Margera x Female!Reader smutty imagine? Maybe Bam ends up meeting Johnny’s younger sister and they end up in a relationship at some point. While in said relationship maybe another cast member ends up flirting with her at a party to piss of Bam on purpose and it ends up leading to some protective Bam and jealous sex?

Sex Pollution

Jackass Imagine

A/N: To those who said I can’t write, get a load of this! Haha!

Imagine you’re Johnny Knoxville's sister, probably younger sister. You’re southern, with a real heavy drawl, and look almost identical to him. Maybe not, but you can definitely see resemblances. You grew up close, surely not a girly girl, you get your hands dirty with no questions asked. You’ve spent the start of your brother's career watching, like a bird. Never really met any of the guys, you didn’t really care. Steve-O was too wild, and you weren’t a fan of heavy drugs, Pontius was too flirty, and oddly, Preston and Wee-Man had their own duo, Dunn? Well, he seemed nice, but he didn’t have the best hygiene, and that was enough on its own to be a deal breaker. Who else were you missing?? Never mind…

You never really were looking for a relationship, really, or even a casual friendship. But things happen all the time; and when Jackass came to town, and your mother let these guys stay a few nights, your plans flipped upside down. You were left confused, flustered, and you felt like a teenage girl all over again. With some kid crush on a guy with such a cute face. Handsome like a guy should be, but he was pretty. Not pretty enough you’d mistake him for a girl, though. Just pretty enough for you to gawk at, to sneak around with when all the guys and your family are asleep. Getting drinks, and sneaking pecks on the lips. Before you knew it you were in your own secret relationship with a guy by the name; Bam Margera. It rolled off the tip of your tongue; and you liked it that way.

And then you moved on to Hollywood, the land of the stars. It was quick, sudden really. It wasn’t permanent, no, you were staying with your brother by day, and sneaking off into hotels by night. Because this whole Bam thing was getting serious. And then you found out party’s exist, and that opened a world of fun. Especially when you found out one of the guys was throwing a rager; and it may or may not be that oh so annoying guy you met months prior. Fucking Steve-O, but you couldn’t care less as you went hand and hand with your boyfriend. Having the time of your life.

Until you weren’t, well, you still were, with a few drinks down the hatch. The only one who was growing increasingly more disturbed, upset, was Bam. Some random guy, probably as high as anyone else was chatting you up a storm, and starting to get real handsy. He wasn’t completely random as you knew that face from the set, but with the alcohol in your system you just couldn’t tell who it was. You were polite, didn’t really wanna make a scene, so you used the excuse you needed to get another drink, smiled with your southern charm in full spring, and headed straight to the kitchen.

The minute you stepped away from the cast member and Bam was taking your place, you could see from the corner of your eye. He was threatening the guy. And it was almost funny to you. Almost. Because the moment you were in the kitchen, Bam was coming up behind you. Wrapping his arms around you and mumbling into your ear, his voice sounded so harsh for a whisper. Almost as rough as sandpaper,

“Fuck were you doing with that scum?”

He growled, like a feral dog. His embrace tightened as he pressed himself up against you. In the kitchen. You were stunned, letting out a breath of air that you felt like you hung onto almost too long as you stayed still, your brain short circuiting as you tried to come up with an answer. You swore you had one, but it popped like a bubble. Your head was as empty as the sky tonight. And Bam didn’t seem to care as he started talking again. His rough nails clawing your sides as he ran his hands up and down them like a cat scratching his owner's couch.

“It doesn’t matter, you know you’re all mine.”

You did. Well, if you didn’t before you certainly know now. His boner pressing against your asscrack was certainly showing it. And fuck, did you like being his. And Bam was gonna make sure you knew it.

He shoved you against the floating island, brushing all the cans, and needles, and lord knows what else off the counter as you bent over for him. Bam ripped your pants down so fast you could’ve sworn he ruined your jeans. Fuck. You couldn’t even be bothered to care as you arched your back for him. He ripped his own pants off with record speed, and would have broken the world record for that one as he slipped his boxers down completely.

Bam was as hard as a gun, and you couldn’t even be bothered with all the party goers so close. The chances of someone walking in and or seeing this was close to a hundred, fuck it probably was going to happen. You didn’t care, luckily Johnny wasn’t here. He’d skin Bam like a pig.

It seemed that Bam didn’t care either, he didn’t have any decency either as he just shoved himself inside of you, and you moaned instantly. Your walls clenching onto him as you squealed with pleasure. Jerking your hips forward instinctively as he started immediately with rough, quick thrusts. You could’ve gotten whiplash he was being so rough, all you could think was fuck as he dug his nails into your side, his other hand gripping hard into your hair, pulling your head back as he warned you,

“You’re mine…fuck…baby, you’re all mine.”

He grunted, letting out his own quiet moan as he quickened his pace. His thrusts getting all messy and desperate, the smell of sex polluting the kitchen and probably spoiling the alcohol as you both neared your climax. His grip on your hair tightened so much you thought he’d rip your hair out, and then he pushed himself deep inside of you, and you saw white as he came inside of you, and you came onto him, moaning as the pleasure swallowed you like a tornado. Fuck, you’ve never been so glad to be his.

[candy-coated-raindrops]

JACKASS MASTERLIST

Hello! My name is Kandi and I am an aspiring author. In this masterlist you can find all my works for this series linked under their respective characters. I write for the characters listed but I will make exceptions if requested. Thank you and happy reading!

JOHNNY KNOXVILLE

-coming soon!

STEVE-O

-coming soon!

RYAN DUNN

-coming soon!

BAM MARGERA

-coming soon!

CHRIS PONTIUS

-coming soon!

RACHEL WOLFSON

-coming soon!

This masterlist along with my others with be updated any time a new fic is dropped or in the process of being worked on.

[writingisbetterthandying]

potential series

hey! don't know who this will reach but anyways have a very self indulgent rpf sort of thing i have in drafts, was wondering where to post, maybe even open an ao3 account!

basic premise is dave grohl x reader to johnny knoxville x reader, with a lot of angst and mostly dialogue; so far i have three chapters, but just wanted to put out a feeler if anyone's interested!

[berzahoes]

headcanons: female jackass member

an: just some headcanons that i’ve been thinking about lately lol

I love johnny’s shirts but you would have an even better wardrobe

basically this:

you’re not afraid to kick all of the guys’ dick when they’re being assholes or just annoying

you love hanging out with johnny’s daughter if she’s on set (she’s not on set often but when she is you’re literally best friends)

you’ve probably broken an arm and a leg at the same time

you know practically everyone had beef with each other in the early 2000s?? NOT YOU or if you do want to have the whole hollywood experience then you do you <3

you definitely made some appearances on viva la bam

chris + you = besties THAT IS ALL I WANNA BE FRIENDS WITH CHRIS

you cannot go a full five minutes without cursing (me, it’s literally my vocabulary)

you know how when dave england gets drunk he’s like the worst?? you’re not that bad but when drunk dave is doing stupid shit drunk you is hyping him up

you’re always gaslighting the guys

you would shoot someone with the paintball gun (probably johnny or bam) and they would be on the ground in pain and jeff would just ask “what happened?”

you, casually with a paintball gun in your hand, shrug

“SHE SHOT ME”

“that never happened”

ok but i also love that the only female jackass member would have an obsession with dyeing her hair idk why

nvm i do bc imagine being on edge at work all day bc you think the guys are going to prank you

stress = hair dye i don’t make the rules

SPLIT HAIR OR IDK THE PROPER TERM BUT YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN

omg narcissa malfoy hair yeah <3

ok that’s all i got nothing else 😭😭

[welcometojackass2022]

I have come to a realization that maybe the reason I’m having so much trouble getting back into writing fics and consuming Jackass/CKY/Viva La Bam content is because I am much better off mentally than I was when I started this in August 2022. Hell, much better off than I was even in like April/May of last year. It was so easy to be hyperfixated and spend all my time consuming content, writing content, or daydreaming about Jackass and all the other stuff cuz I was so depressed and isolated that I could get away with it. College obviously has given me something to do, but I’ve also been on anti-depressants for over a year now (didn’t realize that milestone until just now), I’ve actively taken steps to improve my mental health in ways I never used to, and I’m experiencing real genuine romantic love for the first time in my life. I’m having so much trouble balancing this healthy, well-developed life I’ve got going on in the real world with the urge to delve back into my old habits and isolate myself and consume/write/think exclusively about Jackass stuff.

[olivia091108]

Farmers daughter

Summary:Johnny goes home and meets his new neighbours daughter

Pairing:Johnny Knoxville x reader

Word count:2.4k

I had just finished filming the last episode of jackass and I’m heading down to see my folks in Tennessee for a few weeks.

My dad pick me up from the airport and drives us home it’s not too long of a drive but I know I’m almost there when the houses are all miles away from eatch other. We pull up and i get out and grab my bag and walk in with dad to see everyone.

I walk into the house and as I set my bags down ma is already pulling me into a hug telling me she hasn’t seen me in so long and telling me that I’ve missed a lot of things.

Johnny I’m so glad your home I hope you don’t mind but we have a visitor here right now but I want you to meet him. She pulls me into the living room and sitting there is a middle aged couple

“Johnny this is Albert and carol they’re our neighbours” she tells me and I shake their hands “this is my son Johnny the one who went to Hollywood”

“That’s exciting what are you doing all the way down there trying to become a movie star”carol asks me excitedly

“Yeah well I’ve actually just finished my show on mtv you might’ve seen it.”

“We don’t have a tv it shows very graphic things we just keep up with the paper” I nod finding it odd they don’t have a tv but carry on talking to them

“So Johnny how old are you?

“Im 27 sir”

“Oh your only a year older than our daughter” she turns to ma and says “she’s sorry she couldn’t make it she’s very busy at the moment”

“Oh it’s alright I’ll see her soon Johnny can you help me in the kitchen for a second”

I follow mum into the kitchen and she talks quietly “Johnny do you think you can go round and help Albert with sone jobs he isn’t strong enough for them and I promise by the time you come back I’ll have your’e favourite dinner all dishes out”

Yeah ok ma she kissed my cheek and I ask Albert if he needs any help and he brings me up on my offer and I follow them on the walk to their house.

As we approach their house it’s not as big as ours but it looks cosy and as Albert leads me round the back of the house towards the barn he begins to mutter.

“Y/n you need to quicken your’e pace and stop daydreaming or you won’t be able to finish your chores in time”

I wonder who he’s taking to as all I see is clothes and a white bedsheet hanging on the line drying. A hand quickly moves the sheet to the side and reveals a gorgeous young lady this must be there daughter.

She’s absolutely breathtaking she has lovely tanned skin wearing a white float top and denim shorts and long hair cascading down her back with small braids dotted around.

Sorry dad I was away with the fairies I’m almost finished then I’ll head to the bar- I so sorry I don’t know where my manners went I’m y/n nice to meet you she shakes my hand and I realise I’ve just been gawking at her and quickly tell her my name with a smile.

“He’s just here to help with a few things he’s Margaret’s son.”

“Of course she has not kept quiet about you saying your’e some big movie star.”

“Y/n finish this and meet us at the barn”

I nod and get back to hanging the washing and as Albert ushers me to follow him I can just about drag my eyes away from her.

Once Albert has explained everything he wants me to do he leaves the barn but I hear him begin talking to y/n who ahs just arrived

“Y/n i dont want any funny business with you and that boy alright young lady”

“Of course not dad”

“Good make sure you finish all your chores or you won’t have any supper”

As y/n walks in I quickly look back at my task and pretend I hadn’t heard their whole conversation. I work on fixing the stable door while y/n does her chores and silence fills the barn other than the occasional noise form the animals.

“Your’e show is really funny” her voice sounds like honey dripping with sweetness

“I thought you didn’t have a tv”

Well we don’t but when I go round and have supper with Margret it’s always on she’s really proud of you yknow.

I smile at her and let the words echo through my head.

Sorry if my mas a little bossy I’m sure you have better things to do tan have dinner with her every week.

“No no that’s not what I mean I love going round your folks are so kind to me”

We keep on chatting with y/n following me round while I do my jobs completely abandoning her own until I have finished and are ready to head home just intime for dinner.

She takes my wrist and looks at my watch seeing it reading 5:40. Oh Christ I’ve gotten so distracted she quickly rushes round the barn trying to complete her chores and I watch her as I’m about to leave I feel guilty especially after what her father said if she doesn’t finish. I dismiss my hunger and offer y/n help

No you should get going I don’t want to keep you you’ve only just gotten back. She says while carrying a bucket of water in one hand and some hay tucked under her arm to the animal penns.

“It’s probably something like meatloaf anyway” I begin to take water and give it to each animal and in 20 minuets we had finished them all and began to walk back to ge house

As we arrive just outside her back door she climbs on her tiptoes and wraps her arms round my neck and thanks me telling me how much trouble she would’ve gotten in if it weren’t for me and she planted a kiss on my cheek and pulled back with a smile before entering the house waving me a goodbye

I smile to myself and walk back home the only thing being on my mind was her.

The next day it’s the hottest It’s been for a while and after hanging round the house I soon become bored when there isn’t anything good on tv there’s only about 20 channels on our tv and half of them are the news. Mum asks me if I can go into town to get a few bits for her.

Ma I’m going to go round to Albert and carols to see if they need anything I’ll be back in and hour I shout upstairs to her and leave the house. While I’m waking all I’m thinking about is y/n she’s honestly like a ray or sunshine everything about her seems to take my breath away.

When I reach their house I knock on the door and carol answers and I ask her if she needs anything from town

That’s very kind I’ll write you a list would you mind taking y/n with you she doesn’t get to go into town much.

Of course ma’m that wouldn’t be a problem I tell her feeling my heart speed up a notch.

She should be down by the lake it’s behind the barn she points out to me and I walk down there and see no sign of her until she rises up to the surface from under the water.

I walk closer and stand on the bank of the lane admiring her even if I can only see the back of her head.

“hey y/n” I call over to her and she turns around and holds up her hand to block the sun not seeing who I am then a smile breaks onto her face

“Hi Johnny what you doing here is my dad trying to get you to do more jobs for him?” she asks me swimming over and it only occurs to me now that she’s not wearing any kind of clothes and I suddenly feel very shy

I turn round giving her some privacy and say. “I’m sorry I didn’t know you were naked I came over to see if you wanted to come into town with me I’d be bored going alone” I say loudly so she can hear me.

“It’s alright I don’t mind it’s natural” she says and I slowly turn my head to see what she’s doing and she’s climbed out the water now and slipped on some knickers and a bra wich immediately gets wet as she hadn’t even dried herself and grabs a small checkered red top and some denim shorts.

“Let me get some money from the house cmon” she says and grabs a hold of my hand and quickly pull me towards the house. She runs upstairs quickly to grab her money and I collect the list from carol only having a few things on it.

“Has a handsome young man like you have a girlfriend yet Johnny?”

“No not yet ma’m”

“You know my y/n is single she hasn’t had a boyfriend in a long time” carol tells me

“Mum stop” she groans as she runs sos. The stairs jumping down the last two and saying a quick goodbye to her mum before we both walk out heading to town.

“Do you like being home or are you missing the movie star life she asks me”

“Nah I like being home seeing my folks and being in my own bed I like that I’ve met you as well” I say staring down at her

“I’m glad I’ve met you too I don’t have many friends we live so far from everyone I’m just stuck on the farm all day but I can complain I love hanging around the animals.” She beams

“Do you think you will ever leave”I ask her knowing I would be crazy if I was living in the middle of nowhere away from everybody

“I want to go travelling one day but I don’t think I’ll be able to”she says kicking stones along as we walk

“Whys that?”

Well dads getting old and he won’t be able to manage the farm for much longer and we really don’t have the money for it anyways.

We carry on talking all the way until we reach the town and I can see how excited she is and she’s wanting to go into every shop and I simply follow after her like some lost dog.

We walk into a candy shop and she buys a pick and mix bags with a few lollipops and we sit on a walk and share them and I notice the cinema. Opposite playing dazed and confused

“I love that film have you seen it” is at pointing to the title that’s in bold letter above the entrance. She shakes her head no way she has some kind of sweet in her mouth and quickly finishes it.

“I haven’t seen many films only when I go round your’e house I catch a few minutes of one. Can we go and watch it?”

“Yeah let’s go”we get off the walk and buy a ticket and I buy us a bucket of popcorn and we find our seats.

She seems to be enjoying the film and as much as I like the film my eyes aren’t in the screen they’re too focused on her. I lol down at her hand resting on the armrest and think about holding her hand but think she will find it weird I brush that idea off and tell myself to go for it and wait for the right moment.

While trying to watch the film I feel her smaller soft hand slide into mine softly squeezing it and my cheeks blush as red as our seats and look over at her to see what she’s doing but she’s too engrossed in the film to think anything of it she catches me staring at her and offers me the popcorn and I grab some and settle back in my seat and squeeze her hand a bit and savour this moment

Once the film has finished we levee the cinema and see that the sun is setting and we should get going home the whole way home she still hangs let go of my hand as we continue to talk and every word she says and everyone she smiles or laughs it just makes me like her even more

As we’re about to reach her house she says to me “Johnny I’m really glad that your here I was starting to go mad on that farm” she laughs at the last bit

“I’m glad too and maybe soon you can come visit me in LA I think you would really like it there”

“Yeah that seems nice”she says as we reach her house and she says goodbye and goes up her porch stairs now she’s just below my height before turning round and grabbing my face and pulling me in for a kiss.

I immediately kiss back and I can taste the sweetness of her lollipop on her lips and my hands wrap around her waist desperately trying to pull her even closer. As we both pull away I see her lips are pink and a bit swollen and she has a small blush coating her cheeks probably matching mine.

We hear her father shout out for her and we both chuckle a bit before she gives me one last kiss and going inside not before she gives me a small wave.

I don’t know how I’m gonna leave now that I’ve met her I think to myself

Hey guys I litch have been thinking about this since @kunntzsstuff @princessthatcantfuckingsleep and @pjknoxx posted their moodboards

Iike always feel free to request

-Liv

[dolphindive85]

Jackass fanfiction- 'We Need a Girl'

Jackass fanfiction I've been working on, about a girl joining the Jackass cast! Eventual Johnny Knoxville/ Original character :)

Agreeing to do something incredibly stupid because a handsome guy had smiled at her and made her feel all woozy inside did seem exactly like something she should be resolving to avoid. But here she was, skateboard in hand, helmet on head. Some gear, zero idea. With what she hoped was a valiant attempt at confidence, she approached the drop in. It had a steep downhill, followed by a loop that would either deposit her into the lake, or onto a hastily placed foam mat. She considered there was also probably a third option- the ground, and winced.

This had started, like all the worst ideas, with a night in a bar. Hannah had been singing at a poorly attended open mic which, after 11pm, became a very well attended LA drinking session. 

“Are you sure about this dude?” called Steveo’s voice from below, snapping her out of her revery.

“Sure she's sure! Look at her. She’s wearing kneepads!” replied Pontius cheerily, with a wave. Hannah wished that she felt that at ease, and took a deep breath. “Yep I’m… I’m up here!” she said, and then mental cursed herself- “I’m up here”, what the fuck? That was not as breezy as she had planned. 

Hannah knew Steveo- they’d met at some parties, and he’d told her he’d be there with some friends. Feeling despondent after another seemingly pointless acoustic set to no one, Hannah had convinced some friends to come down and drink, promising them her most fun friend, Steveo, would be there too. 

Steveo had arrived with an energy that was frenetic even for him, essentially bouncing off the walls, throwing himself at bouncers, dudes, barstools, basically anything that he could attempt to knock over or piss off. His friends watched and laughed, occasionally joining in but mostly drinking beers and turning round every now and then to laugh at their friend’s antics. 

For Hannah, this was the perfect distraction, as she had predicted. As she steadily drank more, she let Steveo pull her into his mayhem. Playfully shoving him and bouncing off him around the bar, slamming into walls, and the floor, with increasing force, laughing manically. Intent on creating their own makeshift moshpit to the DJ’s mellow pop tunes, she pushed off Steveo and abruptly crashed into a tall man, her arm flinging out and knocking his beer sideways out of his hands. 

“Woah there doll, careful!” he said, steadying her on her feet as she laughed, out of breath. She felt his hand gently touch her back, catching her from falling. She felt shy suddenly, and held up her hands with a smile to apologise. She couldn’t get a sense straight away of if he was game to join her and Steveo’s mischief, or wanted nothing to do with it. He cocked his head and smiled “Is our friend Steveo playing too rough with you ma’am? We need to have a word with him about his manners?” he asked conspiratorially. Hannah giggled, pleasantly surprised. “No I like it” she laughed, tucking her hair behind her ears. Just then, Steveo swooped in, as if to prove her point, lifted her into the air, and aimed her at the sofa tucked into the wall of the bar. Hannah hit the sofa gasping to gulp air and crying with laughter, and bounced straight back to shove into the growing wall of bodies that Steveo had enlisted in his half mosh, half vengeful-recently-shoved-dude pit. 

At the top of the ramp, Hannah groaned slightly as she rolled her shoulders, still sore from the night before. This will be fun, she repeated to herself in her head. It will be fun and I will show them I’m not too pussy to do it. They know I can’t actually do it, that’s not the point. It will be fun.

She’d explained in the bar that she couldn’t skate well “Just some cruising and messing around, really.” she’d said to a nodding Chris Pontius. He looked, she’d thought, like if a greek nymph was a boy, or maybe like the boy version of a Sexy Baby. She’d emerged sweaty and exhilarated from the pushing, laughing appreciatively as Steveo swung from a light fitting, and found herself ordering a drink with Steveo’s friends. The tall man she’d bumped into earlier was there, and she let her eyes flick to him every now and then, taking in his broad shoulders and handsome face. “You skate?” cut in a younger boy with dark hair and a striped shirt. “You ever been on TV?” he asked her, smirking a little. “What?” Hannah replied, a little too disorientated in the loud room to understand what he was getting at. “Bam!” one of the guys shouted “you offering TV spots to girls as a way of flirting is lame man! It’s done!”

“I’m not!!” he said defensively, and turned to get the attention of the tall man who was sipping his beer. “Knoxville, I’m telling you, we need a girl. We should have a chick in there, it’ll be funny. And it could be hot! And she can introduce segments and shit, make it seem less fucking gay man.” Fifth drink in hand, Hannah was struggling a to keep up with this, and she screwed up her face a little at the end. “I actually think you should make it more gay, whatever it is.” she said, sipping from her straw and beginning to lose interest. Her eyes flickered, looking for where the fun had got to, and wondering how to get back to it.

“Now that I agree with.” It was the tall man she’d bumped into- what had his friend called him? Knoxville? She looked up at him, still drinking from her straw, and smiled. “Oh yeah?” she said, unable to keep her grin from growing, and thinking vaguely about if she should be covering her admittedly goofy smile. “So you don't want a girl in it huh?” she paused “what actually is it, anyway? Your gay thing you’re doing?” He laughed. It was a big, silly laugh. A little high and almost a whoop. She really, really liked it. 

“We’re making a show, sweetheart. It’s real dumb. Stunts mostly. Guys falling off stuff, guys getting hit in the balls, all that stuff.”

“Oh cool, I like that. I like dumb stuff. I’d like to see it.” She smiled. Their eyes met and she felt her heart flutter. She tucked her hair behind her ears with one hand and looked down at her drink. 

“You should come tomorrow,” Bam cut in, “you got a board?”

She looked at him, unsure. “I am not good. I’m not being modest, I’m actually not good. I just do it for fun and to be silly. I won’t be able to do tricks and stuff.”

“That’s fine, I’ve seen you literally throw yourself across this bar all night. I think you can do what we need.”

“What, fall on my ass?”

“Yeah” he grinned “pretty much.”

Hannah looked back at the tall guy who made her feel so nervous and girly. He was considering her, a thoughtful look on his face.

“Fuck it,” he said. “Come tomorrow sweetheart, we’re meeting down at the beachfront at noon. You don’t have to do nothing but no reason you shouldn’t come see us bein’ idiots.” 

Maybe it was very regressive of her but she liked it a lot that he called her sweetheart. She’d always been a sucker for nicknames and terms of endearment. She had the distant concern that the weak knee-d sensation this guy gave her was going to lead to some very stupid choices and very simpering behaviour, and gave her head a small shake to try and snap out of it.

“OK! Yeah OK I’ll come. I can do stupid stuff, or just watch it happen, if not.” 

And then she’d drank more and danced more and altogether had the silly night she’d hoped for. She’d let the forest nymph guy, Chris, hold her upside down and try to drink a shot. Dancing with her friends, she’d caught eyes again with Knoxville- ‘Johnny’ he’d said his name was, and waved, her stomach flipping a little when he grinned and winked. She’d blearily asked Steveo about the next day, and if it was a good idea, and he’d responded with a characteristic “Yeah dude! Look they probably just want a hot chick on set but come down man! It’ll be gnarly!” 

When she woke up at 11am the next day with a scrawled note of the address in her pocket, she’d text Steveo to confirm it was real, swallowed her nerves and doubts, and headed out. Catching her reflection on the way she heard an echo of Steveo suggesting they wanted a ‘hot chick’ and suspected they would be disappointed when she arrived with armpit hair, a sports bra, and several very green bruises on her exposed elbows and knees.

When she arrived, the stunt was set up. A man in a chicken suit was attempting it, and made it look, she suspected, a lot easier than it was. She watched as Bam took to the ramp, and hit the ground pretty hard. It looked rough. 

“Are you OK dude?” she asked him, as he took off his skate pads.

“I’m fine,” he answered, “but when are you getting up there? Don’t be a pussy!”

Rankled by the comment, and then annoyed that it was so easy to wind her up, Hannah looked at the crew, who didn’t look convinced. 

“Do you guys want me to do it?” she asked doubtfully. Hannah was a lot of things, but primarily she was someone who didn’t take being called a pussy lightly. 

Jeff, the director, looked thoughtful. “I don’t know.” he said. “I do see what Bam’s saying guys, it could diversify the appeal if we have a girl in it… but you said you can’t really skate, right?

“I don’t think it’ll appeal to a diverse audience to see a girl get smoked” Johnny cut in. “No offence ma’am and it’s a pleasure to have you, but none of us want to see a young lady hurt herself.” He smiled graciously and Hannah felt that fuzzy feeling inside, alongside a twinge of outrage- get smoked?! She might not be a pro, but she could drop in on a ramp, thanks very much.

“Nah dude, I think it’ll be really funny” said Steveo. “You saw last night man, she’s bouncy! It’ll be fine. I think you should totally do it dude. And I think you should wear a bikini and say God bless America man that’s what people wanna see!” he finished enthusiastically. Several of the guys were nodding, clearly convinced by his pitch.

“I say let her try it,” said Pontius seriously. “I think the optics of Bunny the lifeguard saving her would play well on camera.”

The group turned to look at Jeff and Johnny. It was clear to Hannah that ultimately these guys were the decision makers. She hesitated, then spoke: “I mean there’s no pressure for it to go in the show you’re making or whatever, but I kind of want to try it. I mean it looks crazy but I think it’ll be funny. And I like swimming I think it’d be fun to end up in the lake.”

And that was how Hannah found herself at the top of the ramp, holding the board she cruised around LA on.

With a shudder, and a shrug designed to convey to herself that ultimately, it is what is  and que sera, she dropped in.

Everything afterwards happened very fast. It was very difficult to keep any sense of where her body actually was in space or time, and in a blur she was flung from the top of the ramp. Hannah felt her feet abandon the board, and abruptly felt the impact of the ground. 

It was quiet, and a strangled “aaag,” was all she managed to produce. 

Lying on the ground, she opened her eyes and looked up into the concerned face of Johnny Knoxville. Thinking hard about his hazel eyes and the warmth coming from his shirtless torso, and not so much about anything else, she heard herself ask “Did I do it?” with a hopefulness that suggested she was more glass half full than she had previously realised. 

“Did she do it!” she heard laughter as Dave repeated her question. “She’s lying three feet away from the jump asking ‘did I do it?’” He looked around to share his laughter but someone else replied “Dude that might be bad did she hit her head hard? Where was the mat man?”

“Well we had it but she landed so far away from the actual ramp it was no fucking good!” 

Potentially that was a no, then. 

She looked up again, into Johnny’s face as he crouched over her.

“You feeling OK sweetheart?” he asked softly.

“Yeah. Yeah I think so. I’m not sure what happened exactly?”

“What happened exactly,” Bam cut in, “is you went fucking flying man. You fucking leaped off that thing.” He sniggered. 

Ignoring him, Johnny didn’t look away from Hannah, and spoke gently  as he explained.

“Yeah you took a bit of a tumble, basically flipped in the air. It was pretty impressive really. But does it hurt? Can you wriggle your fingers and toes for me?” 

Jeff arrived as Hannah tentatively gave her digits a wiggle, and winced as she started to sit up. “Oh hey no don’t sit up!” called out Jeff, who’d appeared from behind the camera. “We gotta check you over man. Great footage. Looked so great. You flew like a rag doll. But potentially only funny if you're not scrambled now.” Jeff signalled for the medic to approach, and promptly Johnny was firmly moved aside by a business like doctor who shone a light in Hannah’s eyes and asked her if her head hurt.

Gingerly, she stood up. Looking at where she fell, and back at the ramp, she frowned. “I might try that again, actually, I think this time-“

“No fucking way dude” Steveo cut across her. “You’re lucky you’re not totally screwed, honestly. You must, like, fall well cause from where I stood it looked like you were gonna snap all your bones.”

Hannah processed this. “Oh. So it didn’t look very cool? Did it look bad? I think it would be good to maybe try again, do it a bit better.” Her frown deepened “Jeff? Jeff Can I try again? I can do it I think. Like, better at least, I think I could aim for the mat.” Jeff looked at Johnny. He looked torn. “I don't know, Jeff I don't know if it’s funny girls getting hurt. That was good, but if you break something I don’t think that reads so funny…” he spoke quietly, more serious than usual. Jeff considered this. “You’re OK?” he aimed his question partly at Hannah, and partly at the still hovering medic. “Yeah I’m cool I’m fine. I maybe have a bruise-“

“You definitely have a bruise, you also are lucky you didn't break anything” interjected the medic.

Jeff nodded. “You can go one more time. Make it funny- it’s funny, it makes it.”

As she turned, Hannah felt a hand softly take hold of her arm. “Hey,” said Johnny “just… just really really aim for mat this time.” Hannah nodded, feeling a little stupid, and a little excited. But then wasn’t that the point of this whole thing?

Back at the top, she drew in a deep breath, shut her eyes, and dropped in. 

“Don’t close your FUCKING EYES!” she heard screamed below as she once again flew down the ramp, her stomach dropping a thousand helms deep. 

“NOW NOW NOW!” shouted the team at the base, and Hannah hit the mat at the bottom, her arms splaying. Vaguely, she heard the wheels continue to spin, and somehow had the wherewithal to roll out of the way just as board crashed down to join her on the mat, narrowly avoiding it cracking onto her ribs. On the floor again, panting with relief, she looked up at the blue sky feeling completely high on adrenaline and stupidity. What a feeling, she thought. Her sky view was blocked as a concerned face one again loomed over her. It was Johnny, who had a strange expression on his face. “Hannah? You OK? You feeling OK? We got you.” He spoke urgently, hands hovering, but not touching her. “I’m good, I’m good” she wheezed, propping herself up and feeling a grin take over her face. She suddenly felt completely invincible. She had a vague feeling that maybe that feeling came right before death, but she was too loopy with excitement to care. “WOOOOOOO!” she hollered, tipping her head to the sky. Turning her face to the camera that had followed her to the floor, she beamed and shouted “That was so fucking awesome man!” before lying back down, laughing. 

Looking like he’d finally decided he was allowed to smile, Johnny’s face also broke into a grin, and he laughed with her, throwing his head back and hooting. “Fuck yeah guys! The ramp might break you, or it might just make you!” He thrust out a hand to pull her up, and she took it, staggering a little as she got to her feet. “That looked pretty hilarious I gotta say. Did you have a plan up there?”

“Erm, not really. I guess I really wanted to land on the mat” Hannah replied earnestly. 

“That’s the Jackass spirit right there,” he grinned. “Close your eyes and hope you hit something soft.” He looked round, laughing, and swung his arm around Hannah as he led her over to where the other guys sat laughing on the floor. He leant in, unclipping her helmet, and briefly Hannah felt his warm breath on her face, and how his large hands brushed her face as they reached for the buckle. She drew a sharp breathe, and broke the spell. Johnny seemed to remember himself, and moved back quickly. “There you go ma’am.” He said, ushering her to sit down. Hannah sat down next to a guffawing Steveo and Dave, her stomach flipping with an adrenaline that had nothing to do with skateboarding. 

[michelle-is-writing]

Bathtub, Johnny Knoxville

Word Count: 1.1k~

Over the years, I’ve learned that Jackass comes with a lot of laughs as well as sore muscles and achy bones. Now, I don’t have to experience anything like this, thankfully, as Johnny has essentially banned me from ever doing the crazy stunts with the guys. He’s made it clear to me that he doesn’t want me to get hurt, but that’s coming from the same man who has done the infamous cup test more than once. Even when I somehow manage to get caught in the crossfire of their ridiculous yet hilarious stunts, he’s still very protective and takes care of me.

Of course, I do the same for him when he gets hurt; granted, his injuries are more severe than my occasional small skin grazes. Still, whatever he thinks will make him feel better, I do. Tonight, he suggested maybe a hot bath would help with his tender back. The guys had engaged in a paintball war for one of their stunts in their new movie, and Johnny managed to avoid every paintball in front of him. On the other hand, his back is littered with purple circles with pink and red splotches surrounding those bruises as well as cuts from the harsh impact of the many paintballs. As soon as he showed me his back after finishing the skit, I knew just how bad his back was going to bruise after a while.

With warm water surrounding us, Johnny lies back against me in the tub as he lets relaxation take over him. It’s so calm in here you could almost fall asleep, but it’s never a good idea to do that in the tub. Johnny does that enough behind the wheel, which is something I absolutely hate, but at the same time, it’s also an excuse for me to join him up front and spend time with him.

“Babygirl, thank you for this,” he tells me, releasing a sigh afterward as he nuzzles his head further into my chest, getting his hair wet in the process. He doesn’t care about this, of course, as he’s now comfortable, and with the way he’s closing his eyes, he is definitely going to fall asleep.

“Nuh-uh, Johnny, don’t fall asleep,” I tell him, guiding my hand through his damp raven locks. This action gets his attention, but he doesn’t open his eyes. “You can’t go to sleep in the tub, I won’t be able to get your ass out.”

He laughs at this, his eyes crinkling together before opening them to reveal his beautiful brown eyes to me, shining up at me with nothing but adoration. “I love you so much, honey,” he murmurs, his tone showing how heartfelt he’s being right now. These are the moments I crave, the moments where we’re joking one moment, and the next, we’re declaring our love for each other.

However, just before I get to respond to Johnny's words, a loud bang sounds throughout the bathroom as the door swings open, revealing Johnny’s friends as they laugh crazily. Immediately, I slide down further in the tub with my hands covering my chest as Johnny pushes his back against me with his arms covering my sides. He’s always protective over me, no matter what, even if that means revealing himself entirely at the same time.

“May I ask what the fuck you guys are doing here?!” Johnny exclaims while Bam and Dunn try to catch their breaths.

“Dude, we didn’t think (Y/n) was in here with you,” Bam admits to us, making me roll my eyes. Would it have been so hard for them to check beforehand? Then again, this is Bam and Dunn we’re talking about; they share a single brain cell as it is.

“Well, if you don’t mind, I’d like to get back to enjoying a bath with my wife,” Johnny says, his voice being blunt with each word. “So if you could all leave now…”

“Got room for one more?” Pontius’ infamous voice makes its way into the bathroom, making me reach my breaking point. With a groan, I grab the nearest shampoo bottle before throwing it at the boys, hitting Bam in the head before it bounces and hits Dunn. They all laugh at us, shortly leaving afterward while Johnny faces me and shakes his head. Not to mention the loud bang we heard was Dunn kicking the door in, meaning the hinge is now broken. So, as the guys left the doorway after realizing they couldn’t close the door, they all muttered a small “sorry” while failing to fight off their laughter.

“I’m sorry about them,” Johnny murmurs to me, closing his eyes as he shakes his head. I don’t know why he’s apologizing; these are our friends after all, but then again, Johnny is very protective of me. “I don’t know why the hell they’re like that, and I don’t know how the hell they got in, but baby, please-“

Before Johnny can say anymore, I gently grip his chin and tilt his head back to me so I can connect our lips. The action silences Johnny immediately as he kisses me back, ignoring the sounds of his friends still messing with each other in our home. Although, once he parts from me, he looks over at the bathroom door and groans, his previous moment of calmness now replaced by frustration.

“They knocked the damn door off its hinges,” he points the obvious out, making me sigh with him. The door wasn’t even locked since this is mine and Johnny’s house; we’ve never had to lock the doors. Again, because Bam and Dunn share a brain cell, they didn’t think of that beforehand.

“I’ll make them fix it,” I assure Johnny, leaning down to kiss his cheek. “But why don’t we go ahead and get out before they destroy the house? The water is getting kind of cold.”

Johnny lets out a short laugh at my suggestion before ultimately snuggling into me like before. “Just a few more minutes,” he murmurs, his eyes now closed as a tired sigh leaves his nose.

Knowing there’s no winning in this situation, I give in to Johnny and find myself relaxing back against the tub like before when the bathroom door could still close all the way. No wonder Johnny was stressed when he came home. Then again, I would be too if I came home to escape the incessant jokes and pranks at work, only for it to follow me here too.