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westershiresauce · 4 years ago

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Headcanon: Deus Ex Scuba Gear

Note: Spoilers for Bly Manor.

So, here is my Bly Manor/Supergirl crossover crackfic headcanon where Kara is Dani and her ex Mike gets killed by a truck when he walks into traffic after Kara comes out to him and breaks off their relationship.

“Mike, I think I’m gay,” the blonde whispers, too ashamed to speak any louder. The man next to her tenses slightly before a look of relief washes over him.

“Oh thank God,” he says, and smiles at a confused Kara.

“What? You’re okay with this?” Mike shrugs and shoots the woman his frustratingly disarming grin.

“I mean, am I glad I’m being dumped? No. Am I relieved that the reason is you aren’t into guys? Kind of.” Kara wrinkles her brows in confusion and he continues.

“I mean, I know I’m hot.” Mike grins again and winks at the blonde who purses her lips at his peacocking, “I thought maybe you were just frigid or something.”

“Mike!” Kara looks around to make sure no one is listening. Mike laughs and she shoots him a glare.

“Hey, you’re the one that decided to break my heart at the corner of a major intersection.”

He winks at her and she advances on the man, trying to shut him up. He skips away from her, ignoring the fact that he is now in the crosswalk of the intersection.

“Mike! Stop fooling around!” the blonde pleads but the man ignores her.

“Hey, were you checking out chicks while we were together?” He waggles his eyebrows and Kara balls her fists at her sides. She refuses to take the bait. The man just laughs at her silence. “Dude, you totally did. What’s your type?”

He goes quiet suddenly and his face lights up. Kara shakes her head. It is seldom a good thing when the man gets a light bulb moment.

“Hey Kara,” his face gets lecherous and Kara readies herself for some horrifying comment, “Would you let me watch?”

Kara’s face blooms red with embarrassment and anger. She steps closer to jab her finger against the man’s face and get her point across. However, Mike anticipates this and he takes another step back, grin still in place even as a truck barrels into his body. Kara stares in shock, midstep and with her finger still in the air as Mike is flung at least twenty feet down the street. The smell of burning rubber as the truck attempts to stop and the blaring sound of a horn being pressed much too late fill her senses.

Kara: “No, Mike, not gay as in happy. Good lord, dude!”

Kara is at the hospital when Mike is pronounced dead. Rhea never really liked her so she leaves for her apartment, still shaken but confused about how she feels about what happened. On the one hand she feels responsible for what happened, but on the other hand, she almost feels relieved. Until, that is, she goes to wash her hands in the bathroom and sees Mike standing behind her. She screams and when she turns around, he is gone. It isn’t until a few days later that she hears someone walking around her apartment that she realizes what happened. She grabs her trusty bat and walks out, expecting some coke addict rifling through her bookshelves but instead sees Mike, pawing at her bookcase. He grunts in frustration when his hand goes through a book but cheers when he manages to knock one onto the floor. Kara drops the bat in shock and Mike turns around, grins wide and puts a hand up in a peace sign, just like when he was alive.

Mike: “I’m still here, bro!”

Turns out Mike is tethered to Kara and it is a horrible, cruel curse. He is both the best and worst wingman and Kara is still not convinced he doesn’t try to peek when she is getting dressed or showering but he also helps her learn to be more confident. All his shameless arrogance makes him a great cheerleader, at least once they talk about some ground rules.

1. No creeping on Kara in the bathroom or when she is changing. Mike scoffs at this and mutters about being able to creep on hotter ladies.

2. No unsolicited advice or comments about women that Kara is not interested in pursuing a relationship with. This is added after a week of Mike making comments about women that had Kara blushing constantly, even at work.

3. No watching when Kara has a lady over. She wasn’t sure where Mike disappeared off to when she did manage to have a date come back to her place but he would always leave after shooting Kara another peace sign and telling her to “do the circle thing I showed you.”

It all hits the fan when Rhea gets wind of Kara dating women and she packs up and leaves. She does not want to deal with that fallout and she would rather get a fresh start somewhere else. Where is that where else? London, Bly Manor, American au pair, you know the rest.

Kara: “Yeah, I’m gonna take a one way and gtfo of here.”

Who are our players at Bly?

Our cook Owen Sharma is good old Jack Spheer because sometimes these things write themselves. And who is our beloved Hannah Grose? Why, Lucy Lane. Because she was too good and I always want to see more of her. Plus she can be a stern little spitfire with the kids and ghosties (The kids refer to her to as Major). She takes her fine self and daydreams about the moment that charming Jack came over to get the job as a cook, not dead, just as a useless hetero (is that a thing? It is now...) that can’t fathom for some reason that Jack is totally in love with her.

As for Rebecca Jessel and Peter Quint? Kelly Olsen (the only character with any brain cells half the time) and Andrea Rojas, our muy caliente Scotsman. Is that racist? No, but her horrendous accent might be a crime. This version has none of the controlling assholeroy of Peter and no secretly killing Rebecca. Just good old bad luck in a horror series. Andrea gets drunk and tries to dive into the lake to find the chest of loot she is convinced is down there so her and Kelly can run away to America.

Andrea: “This is a file on all the reasons you should run away from this haunted ass creepy mansion and come with me to America. Also, there is a map I drew of the lake with an X where the loot most definitely is.”

Kelly: “This is just a picture of you in lingerie and a sheet of paper you colored blue with a big red X in the middle.”

Kelly dies trying to save her when Andrea starts to get hypothermia and they both drown in the freezing lake. Because why bury your gays when you can drown them? Amiright? Who finds their bodies the next day? This leads to the following section: Next slide, please!

Who is standing in for Miles and Flora Wingrave? Why, Ruby and a tiny Nia, of course. Nia is a sweet baby angel and I want to meet her as a little sister, totally doted on by her big sister, Ruby. Nia sees Andrea and Kelly arguing like lesbians (so much hand waving and crying and angry whispering) on the far end of the lake while their blue popsicle bodies float around. Ruby and Lucy drag little Nia away from the scene.

Nia: “My giant scarf is perfectly splendid! Also, I am baby.”

Things get really spicy when Kara shows up, ghost!Mike and all. He complains about not being able to haunt the “hot chick from apartment 314” any more, but he perks up at the thought of “British broads.” Kara had hoped he was tethered to National City or something, but it appears he is linked to her. Mike is ecstatic when he finds out Bly is full of ghosts. He is always off somewhere exploring the mansion and only pops in to tell Kara snippets of Bly’s history and its many inhabitants.

Meanwhile, we get to the real star of this indulgent charade. Lena as the wonderfully fit Irish (let her have the accent!) gardener, Jaime. She is convinced Kara is a corn-fed straighty from America until Kara throws herself at her in the greenhouse because flowers turn on lesbians (see Imagine You and Me and Georgia O'Keeffe’s many works. This is sapphic lore, kids.) She opens up about Mike and Lena smooches her so she doesn’t have to listen to the hot blonde’s delusions.

Lena: “What do you mean it is too bright? What book? This is a watering can for my gardening activities. So is my fashionable, appropriately sized hat.”

Kara: *OMG she is so hot and cool, what do I do?* “Hey, do you guys do the circle thing in the UK?”

Meanwhile, things are getting interesting with Mike and the ghosts: Kelly and Andrea, newly minted Bly ghosts, explain that they are stuck on the grounds. Mike, who believes in having the freedom of “you do you,” vows to break the curse. He strikes a heroic pose that makes Andrea roll her eyes but Kelly agrees they need to find out more about the origins of the Bly Manor curse.

Flashback episode in a horrid b/w tone because I want to show this is old, okay. It’s not like we could figure it out by the clothes. Or the set dressing. Or the fact that the one of the characters died of “the lung.”

Anyway, we have our sisters, Viola and the other one. Their names don’t really matter because they are going to be the brunette one and the blonde one, played by the queen of period series: Katie McGrath.

Anger-y brunette Katie, getting her smacking hand ready.

And blonde, sad (but also evil? plot twist!) Katie, lusting after her brother in law.

And they fight over none other than Daddy Cullen, Maxwell Lorde, because look at that hair, look at all those buttons, look at that big hand! Who could resist?

The child is baby Lena being twirled by Anger-y Katie pre-“the lung” because let’s just have this turn into a black hole that destroys itself.

Baby Lena: “Swing me, mummy. Swing me with your good lungs!”

Anger-y Smack-You-Every-Time Katie: “I swung too close to the sky and now this is happening to me.”

So while Kara and Lena are christening all sorts of places at Bly (yes, even the master wing because, of course, the master wing), Mike, Andrea, and Kelly are incepting themselves into all sorts of memories and whatnot. Cue that montage!

404 ERROR. MONTAGE NOT FOUND.

Whoops, looks like we blew our budget on that black and white filter. Sorry about that.

Once the ghost trio realizes the chest in the lake doesn’t in fact hold some dragon’s hoard of gold, but the key to ending this madness, Mike pops in on Lena and Kara to bring them up to speed. Kara screams at him about the third rule while Lena tries to accept the fact that her girlfriend (yes, they are girlfriends by now, keep up) has a ghost for a best friend.

Kara makes Mike look away while her and Lena get dressed and after quite a bit of exposition, they decide to pull the chest up from the lake. Lucy and Jack have been off playing hide the croissant or whatever the straights do during their leisure time, but they quickly hop on the “break the Bly manor curse” train.

There is a fun B (C?) plot where Ruby and Nia steal Jack’s car and drive into town. No one in town cares because they are rich and all the adults at Bly are busy romancing each other and assume the girls are being odd rich kids playing somewhere in the manor.

The adults are planning how to get down to the chest without suffering Andrea and Kelly’s fate, when they find some scuba gear the kids bought on their last trip to town. It is wholly impractical but the adults shrug and accept the plot hole so they can hurry this along.

They draw straws and Kara has to dive down and tie some chains around the sunken chest. Lena jumps in front of limited edition Scuba Gear Kara to stop her but the American has to America so she dives into the freezing lake after a swoon inducing “I’ll be right back” kiss. Like, gifable on tumblr, twitter, and whatever new platform there is a hundred years from now.

Scuba Gear Kara: “Guys, I can’t see anything through this helmet. Guys?“

After a few tense moments where Anger-y Olden Time™ Katie tries to stop Kara, Mike, Andrea, and Kelly step in and use their ghost powers to keep her away from Kara. Jack uses his car to pull up the haunted chest and they pry it open with a crowbar and plenty of moxie. The screams of slap happy Katie of the past ring out around the heroes as the curse is broken. The ghosts cheer, everyone laughs nervously (they know the end is never the end in a horror story) and Kara shivers from the cold until she is next to the fire, dry and cuddled up with Lena.

As her final act of revenge, Anger-y Katie gives Kara the Lung(!) but thanks to the power of Science, our spunky American pulls through after properly completing the full course of treatment and antibiotics. This includes Lena taking sexy care of her girlfriend. *wink*

***** westershiresauce is not a medical professional and their thoughts regarding the health benefits/healing powers of a sexy nurse!Lena are not verified. Don’t take srsly. *****

Cut to, one more garden and I can retire, Lena, sitting next to an immaculate shrub, waiting for her wife Kara to bring out the tea and biscuits.

THE END!

Lena: “I swear to all that is holy, if that tea is shite, I am leaving her. It’s been like thirty years!”

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starrybouquet · 4 years ago

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Writing Meme

Tagged by the always-awesome @carothepoet!!

Name: In fandom, it’s Lena or starry or starrybouquet. Username’s starrybouquet on almost all platforms, I think?

Fandoms: So far, I’ve only ever written for Stargate SG-1 and Stargate RPF--except a really short thing for NCIS. But I also have an abiding love for everything Star Trek, especially TNG and Voyager. And Lower Decks, which is my favorite of “new Trek”. Other than that, I kinda tangentially reblog stuff from Star Wars, The Queen’s Thief, Brooklyn 99, and a bunch of other random stuff. Also, I once upon a time was in a bunch of YA book fandoms. :)

Most Popular One-Shot: By kudos, apparently Carter-O’Neill One, which is hilarious to me because I definitely don’t regard it as my best work. XD By hits, Rare Metals. By comments, lose your heartaches.

Most Popular Multi-Chapter (COMPLETED): The “Completed” requirement really gets me here. Anyway, it’s Darkness and Dawn. :)

Actual Worst Part of Writing: FINISHING things. I swear I’ve got fifty documents that each have, like, 300 words and one plot point in them.

How You Choose Your Titles: Badly! I’m one of those people who fills out the whole AO3 posting form, and then stares sadly at the “Title” box. In the end, most of them seem to end up one or two word nouns. Ew, titles. :(

Do You Outline: Sometimes. I’m working on some longer stuff where outlining a little bit is going to be a requirement. But in general, I don’t outline by choice. :D

Ideas I probably won’t get around to but wouldn’t it be nice: SO many. Most of them are Sam/Jack, there are a few NCIS ideas I’d love to write. Also RPF. Can’t think of any that are more likely than the others. Honestly, the writing idea that I’ll probably give up on soonest isn’t fiction--for a while now, I’ve been itching to write an essay (or series of essays?) about Richard Dean Anderson and his impact on Stargate OFF the screen, and also how his stepping away led to the decline of the franchise relative to other sci-fi brands. But hey, I have a whole life of fandom ahead of me. LOTS of time. XD

Callouts @ me: if you want to write fanfiction, you have to actually spend time writing it, not just wistfully thinking about being a fic writer. By spending time I mean like, more than ten minutes, bro. And sometimes maybe not at 3am?

Also, perhaps more variety than total fluff would improve your writing? Just a thought?

Best Writing Traits: According to my amazing, wonderful readers, the humor in my writing is pretty good. I also think I like that I actually do start fics, instead of just thinking about them. Finishing and posting...well, that’s another problem entirely. XD

Spicy tangential opinion: For those of us who aren’t looking to write much outside fandom, it can be really hard to give ourselves the time to sit down and write fic without feeling guilty. It’s sad, but it’s true. However, for some reason, this doesn’t apply to reading it? XD

No pressure tagging @captaincarriekathryncoffee @samcaarter @sharim28 @amaradangeli @kinggorilla!

#my blogstuffs #tag games #thanks caro!! <3

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daskey · 5 years ago

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samantha arias

ok just realised this was a lot of thoughts so under the cut

How I feel about this character

i love her. i miss her. her character really intrigued me, someone who worked her way up from a difficult situation. who dealt with a lot of shit but who still radiated kindness. ms pancake o clock. who then ended up being a kryptonian death machine.

ugh she’s what really got me into supergirl, i’d been lurking from season 1 but after the show went to the cw i bailed and didn’t come back till s3 when i saw that one gifset with alex and sam at the waterfront. which brings me to-

All the people I ship romantically with this character

alex was the first and also one of the best. agentreign... (alexa, play “rolling in the deep” by adele) ugh. babies. i love them. but also as i’ve grown into loving reigncorp, and in extension agentreigncorp because sam and lena have STRONG soulmate vibes and also they BOTH deserve that happiness.

since im a multishipper who loves rarepairs, i love thinking about the enemies-to-fuckbuddies-to-reluctant-lovers thing that reignjas have going on. drawn together by their mutual love for lena luthor, sam would hate andrea for causing lena so much pain at first but then that hate turns into a different kind of tension...

(also at one stage i shipped alex/sam/diana. rip to agentwondereign it was real fun while it lasted tho)

oh and another rarepair? kelly/sam (mostly in the context of kelly/sam/alex but like also they’d be cute) because i’m a slut for a tol and smol (and i’m realising now i need to post some sketches for them)

My non-romantic OTP for this character

jack spheer and sam arias. bros for life drawn together by their mutual love of suits and lena luthor. i can totally picture the two of them having a little friendly competition (but ultimately it’s sam who ends up with the girl. and jack isn’t even mad cause he loves seeing his best friends happy)

My unpopular opinion about this character

she likes anime and claims that it’s because of ruby but she lies. she would be the type to have a katana mounted on the wall in her home office in metropolis and lena doesn’t realise till she’s in a zoom meeting with the execs from both branches and she can see sam’s freakin anime sword in the background

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

i wish she STAYED first of all. agentreign or at least allusions to past reigncorp.

in an ideal universe, i’d like to have seen sam refusing to become a hero but still having some latent superabilities that she uses in completely mundane ways as a sort of ongoing on-screen gag. like sam dropping something beneath a sofa and lifting the entire thing with one arm to fish it out sort of mundane.

#sam arias #Anonymous

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facepalming-since-chernobyl · 5 years ago

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SCs are abuser apologists :)

“Yes, she did.“ And here the story should end but of course there is BUT and you know what they say about BUTs.

Oh, Lena idoesn’t act as two different people? She didn’t lie about kryptonite, her illegal experiments, Sam and Reign? And boi, they all love to scream how 100th ep was about Kara fighting for Lena, while they totally ignore that in every universe Lena fucked up everything, even when Kara told her the secret. They totally ignore that Kara was RIGHT, by not telling Lena her secret and the universe when Lena still wants to lobotomize people is the best option. What is laughable, especially when you say Kara is guilty of deception.

Yeah, no one has clean hands but the problem is that the rest characters at least feel guilty about the shit they have done or paid for it. Oh sure, Kelly is innocent but for sure is going to do some shit. Mhm. Because what? She is a canon black lesbian that is in a canon lesbian happy and healthy relationship with Alex? *sarcasm*

Sure, Lena didn’t do shit to Eve. She didn’t kidnap her, forced nanobots into her body, raped her brain, put AI into her and made her a meatsuit for Hope. I haven’t seen a single soul blaming her for Jack. His name was Adam and he was depressed, suicidal and driven by guilt and Lena deceipted him, while not telling him her REAL name, what is one of many violation of law and rules she did during that trials.

And thanks for ignoring J’onn’s brother, Russel, Andrea, Edge’s bodyguard, that girl form shcool that was exposed in front of entire school and sure, putting Kara in a kryptonite cage, torturing her, yelling at her, stealing Myriad from her, gaslighting her, accusing her of some super funny shit, making her feel guilty for Lex’s death and causing her a panic attack is just oops.

Once again, all of them felt guilty about what they have done. Lena doesn’t. And that’s the biggest and most important difference.

And here we have the most disgusting shit I have ever read in my life - Crisis erased it, so it didn’t happen? We should just forget about it? We should forget Lena killed, murdered, kidnapped, raped people’s minds, enslaved and lobotomized them? Interesting idea. Her past victims, that suffered becasue of her for sure were very happy to hear that they suffered for nothing. Also, I guess Crisis erased Lex’s shit so he is now a good person?

And you know what is the worst thing here? Lena still REMEMBERS. She still uses the results of her experiments and shit. She still wants to LOBOTOMIZE people and get rid of free will. She STILL DOESN’T FEEL GUILTY. She still thinks she didn’t do anything wrong. But I guess some people are too dumb to realize it.

Plus it’s super interesting how they still go after William Dey for what he has done BEFORE the Crisis. Lena’s shit is cleared but not his?

Oh, we should not go after Lena only becuase she is privileged, white bitch, who has never paid for her shit like a typical privileged 1% of loaded Americans who do what they want and don’t care about consequences of their actions, because there will be no consequences, no matter what they will do? :)

The fact is - NO ONE stopped her from being happy and loved. She was with Jack in StarCity. She had it all. But then she saw Supergirl and decided she wants to be a Luthor, praised, loved and worshipped by everyone. And she FUCKED IT UP. SHE did it. And then she came to National City and played a typical Luthor. While screaming she was not.

“Lena is the only victim“ :))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Sure, because Kara didn’t tell her a secret that kept people she loved SAFE, what, once again, ep 100 proved.

Sure, your traumatic past experiences give you a free hand to do whatever shit you want. I wonder how many murderes, rapists, abusers should be released from the prisons, because you know, they had sad pasts.

Also, WHAT abusive childhood? Lillian didn’t like her, oh I wonder WHY, but still praised her ass when she fucked up that girl who stole her bf. Lionel loved her, she had a competetive relationship with her brother. WHAT ABUSE.WHERE it was confirmed she was abused? All we have seen is Lex tying her to a chair and explaning his master plan to her - well, two times, becasue she is that dumb and that easily manipulated. But who SHOT LEX IN THE END?

And she is not Luthor by blood? Lionel Fucking Luthor is her FATHER.

Aside of the disguting thing about “Crisis erased it” Hmm, let’s see, who was hurt by Lena:

-Eve, agreed

- some young teenage girl who has stolen her boyfriend and Lena stole her diary and exposed her in front of entire school,

-all the Phorians that were affected during her experiment with the portal in s2 and friendly reminder it was one of the reason why the anti alien movement was created, plus all the citizens of National City who were hurt during Phorians losing their minds

-all the aliens that were affected by her detector that allowed people to recognize them

-workers from Lockwood’s factory and others who were fucked and lost their jobs, because miss businesswoman could not afford helping them, because you know, being a white face of privileged capitalism i so cool

-all people who were hurt by the Daxamite invasion that happened only because she was dumb enough to believe Rhea, and once again, it was one of many reasons why the anti alien movement was created

-Edge’s bodyguard- dead, people on that party - put in danger

-Adam, a depressed, driven by guilt and suicidal boy, deceived by her to take part in illegal experiment - dead. And how about his parents who lost BOTH of their sons?

-Lex - shot with cold blood to death (fuck him, still murdered)

-Hope in Eve’s body - taking blame and landing in jail because Lena Luthor is a coward

-J’onn’s brother - kindapped, enslaved and made a guinea pig

-Russel - enslaved and forced to put a scalpel to his neck

-KARA

Are they going to ignore she still works for Lex and wants to lobotomize whole humanity and aliens? Probably. But oh wait, Kara’s fault. LOL

And Leigh, oh Leigh :’) Interesting how she totally ignore that J’onn’s bro and Eve were real victims of abuse. Eve especially - she was a teen when Leviathan lured her into their organization and brainwashed, right after when she lost her parents. But yeah, sure only Lena is a victim. And no one, at least not the fans, said a shit about forgiving Ma'alefa'ak or Eve. And seriously, where are the traumas?

-losing mother? yep, horrible thing, almost as traumatic as losing entire planet and all people you love

-stolen boyfriend... well

-being not loved by your step mother?, yep horrible thing, almost as horrible as being not loved by your father who also is a villain and wants to kill you (Winn) or both of your parents, who likes to slap you, put in a cell and promise you brainwashing (Mon-El)

-being manipulated - you are manipulated by people who openly say they are manipulators and you know them for your entire life, mhm

-being tied to a chair by your brother while he explains you his horrible plan

-your horrible step mother framing you and putting your ass into a jail

-being tied to a chair again by your brother and see a gun pointed at you by your so called assistant -how many times other characters experienced something like that? whatever

-Kara not tellling a secret

Did I miss something? All I want to say is, different people react differently to bad shit that happens to them. Some are stronger than others, they differently react to bad things that happened to them.

But the fucking problem is - all the shit that have happened to you DON’T GIVE YOU RIGHTS TO HURT OTHER PEOPLE AND DO EVIL SHIT. Your traumatic past is NOT AN EXCUSE. Other people have traumatic pasts to Lena, and guess what?! They still are not villains who put their so called bestfriends into cages made of kryptonite and torture them.

And how many traumas were caused by Lena herself? By her ego? How many of all of this could have been avoided if Lena had gone to fucking therapy?

That’s the fucking difference that SC shippers should finally learn. But I guess they are not able because you know, they are blind by her beauty.

And no Leigh, we don’t hate Lena because Kara loves her. We hate her because she is horrible human being. Because she is a murderer, abusive, toxic piece of shit that has never paid for her doings. We hate her because she blames everyone just not herself like a typical privileged asshole. We hate her because she treats people like shit. We hate her because she makes Kara miserable, we hate her because she hurt Kara and doesn’t even feel bad about it. We hate her because she is a typical abuser who paint herself as a victim. We don’t give a shit if Kara loves her, especially because she’s slowly realizing what kind of a snake Lena is. Thanks to that she can finally stand for herself. And that’s what makes her real fans happy. But well, it’s proved you all don’t give as hit about Kara and you treat her just as Lena’s trophy princess.

#antilena #gmo lena #anti sc fando #anti sc #my shit #toxicorps

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curlytemple · 4 years ago

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alrighty @scottspack here i am to show my ass

top 10 ships tag! these aren’t “in order” but #1 is #1

1. cory and topanga! (boy meets world) my very first thought when given this prompt, theyre the blueprint! they are just BABIEs when they meet and they already Know each other. i will not pretend that topanga didnt shape me into the kind of girl who wouldnt change one thing about herself for a boy, keep your legs hairy and your convictions strong! the way they grow together is enough to make me hate god for not giving ME a cory matthews. high school ski trip infidelity aside, theyre the first couple that made me think i could find a man. i was wrong but its nice to think about.

2. kim possible and ron stoppable... the way the entire series is about kim being a wildly competent type A cheerleader AND teenage vigilante super spy and ron is her chilled out lame best friend who is Always there to help her save the day... please take a moment to listen to the jesse mccartney song why don’t you kiss her? that plays during the romantic climax of the kim possible movie, perfectly capturing the intense fear that comes with thinking about maybe finally kissing your best friend from preschool at your junior prom.

3. tami and coach eric taylor (friday night lights) ...come on, y’all!!!! genuinely the most real relationship i have ever seen on screen. i don’t even know what to say other than that they are REAL. coach and tami are such a good couple that it doesn’t make any sense to me that their kid would have such a massive stick up her ass. i even tried an ‘empathize with julie’ rewatch, and while a lot of her teen angst is understandable and even relatable, she still seems so disconnected from her parents/dillon at the end of the show in a very unsatisfying way! coach and tami are the heart of fnl. and tim riggins.

4. belly conklin and conrad fisher (the summer i turned pretty trilogy by jenny han) bro.... when your mother’s dying wish is for you to care for your little brother, so when he has a little crush on the girl you are In Love With you bury your feelings and go to college far away because nothing is more important than their happiness, and they could be happy together! and years go by and theyre going to get married and youre set on being Happy For Them until you find out how much your brother has actually done to break her heart and her trust and then the thought of her settling for him is even more devastating than your true desire for her to settle for you.... WHEW! when you’ve been busy coming of age and trying to make it work with your best friend that isnt really right for you and then you find out his brother who you’ve been in love with your whole life turned into a distant asshole because the most important person in yalls lives taught him to be selfless and he over-corrected in his grief... BOY!! this one makes me feel like my heart is in my stomach.

5. SENSE8! can i just say all of it? everything and everyone? if you are bisexual and havent watched sense8 yet, this one is for us, baby! the ship is an interconnected web of LOVE AND TRUST. the pairings are endless. if i HAD to choose my fav, wolfgang and kala (and rajan <3) and i cant explain why i would pick them over anyone else, thats just what my pussy told me. but frankly i shouldnt have to choose, THEY ALL SHARE ONE CONSCIOUSNESS! ONE LOVE!

6. david and patrick (schitt’s creek) you know the way we all feel like we aren’t enough and we’re Way Too Much.. dan levy really said hey guys? no offense but i think we might be capable of loving and even maybe Being Loved. the way patrick is all in on david rose from the moment he meets him, before he can even consider what that means about himself... the way they push each other out of their comfort zones and only get more comfortable with themselves and each other.. the way david’s abstract monochrome wardrobe fills with HEARTS AND RAINBOWS !!!!!! again, where’s my man? ANYWAYS,

7. todd and rory (straight up) anna said this post is for romantic ships only and so I CAN AND WILL INCLUDE THEM. i don’t want to give any spoilers because i dont think tumblr has seen this yet, but when i say this is THE romcom of the year, perhaps of my life, trust!! todd is a gay man with a sex aversion who decides to try to date women and rory is the brilliant woman he actually falls in love with. sometimes soulmates dont fuck!!! maybe there are no rules to a good relationship besides mutual respect, understanding, and the undeniable desire to Be Together. i rest my case!

8. drew barrymore and adam sandler is this valid? again i dont know or care. i grew up on adam sandler movies and drew barrymore makes him better every time. they’ve only done 3 movies together, one of which i have not and will not see (2014 is just too cursed to return to) but even tho these two have never been a couple in real life their chemistry is so palpable that they consider each other the person they will grow old with on screen. if that’s not hollywood romance, i dont know what is! sorry to timothy olyphant but even drew says adam is The One.

9. stef and lena adams-foster (the fosters) MOM AND MOMMA! listen, abc family shows are insane, but stef and lena make the drama worthwhile. their house full of teens is not perfect or easy, but never have i ever seen lesbian moms at the center of any media, let alone ones who thrive like they do when they communicate, support each other, and lead with love. this is a couple who chooses each other and their babies over and over again. its about putting in the work, having the tough conversations, and making the hard decisions because you care!!!!!

10. I DONT KNOW HOW TO END THIS, I LOVE LOVE! michael and alex! marshall and lily! steve and nancy AND jonathan! lizzie mcguire and gordo! rachel and griffin mcelroy! nick and jess! schmidt and cece! fleabag and the priest! amy pond and rory! river song and the doctor! ROSE and the doctor! MY MOM AND DAD!!!! mickey and ian! han and leia! johnny and gheorghe! princess bubblegum and marceline the vampire queen! jackie and kelso! jackie and HYDE! donna and eric! kitty and red! richie and eddie! jake and amy! brittany and santana! tim and tyra! JACK AND ENNIS! dj and steve! uncle jesse and aunt becky! aziraphale and crowley! bob and linda belcher! LARRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#will i ever be comfortable posting my thots and onions? maybe not #but here they are!#liv when i read [explanation redacted] i have never felt so close to you #love to socialize on tumblr dot com !

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ambitionsource · 5 years ago

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S1 Rewatch: Lena’s Take [1.08]

it’s before midnight. i win!

favourite scene:

it’s a tie. okay. it’s a tie because i love love. on one hand, the scene where zay aggressively stands up for charlie... tells him he’s way to good to be walked all over... causing charlie to realize SOMETHING is going on with his silly feelings.... several points were fucking made, let me TELL YOU. god. damn. zay is so passionately defensive of charlie despite them only being friends through school, charlie just basically falling into zay’s dark eyes (we know he was). every bit of development they get i cling on to and lemme tell you the SEROTONIN i received this evening! i love the way they encourage each other to be bolder and better people, and to be more uniquely themselves. it’s such a mutually supportive relationship (at both the platonic and romantic stages) and i THRIVE off of it. i reiterate: when zay told charlie he was too good to be walked all over i literally absolutely MELTED. that is the sweetest shit, on GOD. anyway... on the other hand, we have the rl waltz scene like shut up that was the most romantic shit i’ve ever seen in my life bro!!!! WHEN RILEY TILTS HIS CHIN UP I WENT FERAL! i know rl takes a backseat to zc in my reviews usually but this is just. Such a GOOD scene and i really do love them. lucas just realizing he is off the deep end for this girl while they softly sway under the stage lights.... do you know the yearning, the longing i have to play out this scenario with someone? i swooned so hard i almost fainted just reading it. lucas has fallen and so have i baybee!!

favourite performance:

every number in ambition is always iconic, but there’s really no contest to the best one this number— the sheer wonderful fun energy dancing queen has CARRIES it to number one with ease. easily one of the season’s top numbers— dave’s dumb dance break (seriously imagining him flossing and moonwalking to the chorus has me internally dying), jeff’s iconic break dancing (we love an ACTUALLY semi-coordinated techie!) and the whole loose, carefree number is absolutely wonderful. not to mention i LOVE techie group performances. love them, y’all. truly the best of the best.

favourite character this ep:

i can’t choose, i seriously cannot choose. i think i’ll say dylan and asher (they have to go together, really) solely for their hilarious, fearful exchange with lucas (“blindfold asher, he’s scared of heights!”). they care about their friends (especially lucas) SO much, and it shows the effective balance of humour and serious emotion they’re able to bring to the table. plus blowing kisses to riley and just. Being best bros with lucas was so good.... i love them truly, and i don’t say it enough.

favourite line(s):

charlie, fondly: this school is bananas.

farkle: it’s like he’s sweating mediocrity.

maya: us performers can smell fear. especially his; it’s rare.

and of course:

zay: there’s being polite, and there’s being a pushover. you’re way too good to let people step on you like that. 🥺🥰

an underrated moment:

all the little zc moments... all the little zc MOMENTS! zay nudging charlie causing him to choke on his food, the shoulder pat and hand glance (obsessing over hands is lgbt culture), charlie literally dying while watching zay teach choreo to that romantic strangers like me line... ok ur honour im filing a report that says i love them!!! charlie is already SO FAR GONE for this boy, and he’s beginning to realize. he’s the physical manifestation of gay panic and god it’s funny. also, honourable mention goes to lucas going feral cat mode at zay but not riley— lucas, you’re not subtle.

something i missed the first time around:

back on my jack hunter bs to say that i really noticed him shine this episode, along with eric! it really is so enjoyable watching the two of them grow from two people with contrasting views constantly at odds to a rock solid team united by their determination to put the students first— and their sleuthing scenes are intriguing highlights, drawing you further into the mystery. we don’t know much yet but we NEED to learn more.

first impression vs your reread impression:

this episode is more fun and upbeat than i remembered (i mostly remembered farkle struggling and that’s it) and it was thoroughly enjoyable. the romance development, the “main plot” of the aaac mystery beginning its build, really good interactions between people who dont usually interact (farkle and riley, charlie and maya a bit, bit of zay and lucas, charlie and farkle) which is ALWAYS a blast. good times for most, leading to long awaited peace (that won’t last, but so what? we got there). had a great time reading as always.

literally your mind ma’am... all the above you said? truth! zay and charlie’s first ever journey to the costume loft... the power it holds... truly you can tell that one thing es and i value in a relationship is mutual respect and support because that’s something that’s paralleled in zc AND rl (you could, actually, make a pretty extensive parallel set between the two relationships, despite their obvious differences). it’s literally beautiful that zay and charlie see the talent and potential in one another that it feels like no one else sees -- whether they want them to (zay) or whether they choose to fade into the background (charlie), and they like... inarguably believe that the other person is the superior performer. there’s such a mutual admiration there. it speaks to the same feature of rl in which lucas literally believes riley is 10 times more talented than anyone at aaa and won’t let her forget it, and riley sees the weight that lucas carries even if he’s the first to diminish his purpose. you could say, in effect, that each main dynamic sees the other as “the best they have to offer...” and that... perhaps... is love........... sorry to just pop tf here im feral tonite

anyway, SHOUT OUT to your shout out for my dad jack hunter and also dyl and asher. i cannot express how excited i am for y’all to get to s2 and see more our boys in action... all the above you said is true abt them... 17 more days,,,,,,

#zay: h #charlie: wkwodowlaopqwkshcioreo hi im fined #submission #S1 reread #S2 countdown #YOUR TAGS LSMFKSDJFLSKJGKSJDGKDFJHD HAHAHAHA #riley x lucas #zay x charlie

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aweirdkindofyellow · 5 years ago

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Glad to Meet You Again Pt. 2

Alex Gaskarth x OC ‘A past relationship did not end up very well. Now it’s nearly six years later, and they meet again.’

Lena Conrad and Alex Gaskarth used to be the couple that everybody wanted to be. They were too cute for words, a perfect couple that seemed like they were soulmates. As you would say nowadays, they were #couplegoals. But that only lasted for three years. Some say they were too young to face the problems they were going through, resulting in their breakup, but others would say that even if they had been through it when older, they wouldn’t have made it. They hadn’t seen each other since that messy breakup, until now.

Six years later, Alex is still playing in a band and Lena is a stay at home mom taking care of her five-year-old son. Only one of them knew they’d cross paths again on this specific day.

PART 2

Everybody kept contact for the two months after their reunion, only some kept more contact than others knew. There were secrets being kept between people possibly capable of hurting others. Nobody knew anything about it other than the people directly involved. It was dangerous, they could get caught at any moment and ruin everything. The only thing that kept it from coming out was that there were no physical encounters, only text messages being shared outside the group chat. There was something fishy going on, but nobody realized. It was all done behind backs, nothing other than two phones providing proof. But it couldn’t be hidden forever. It was bound to come out at some point. Little did they know how it was going to blow up the next time they met. So, that’s where we are now, back at Lena’s and Anthony’s house. It was two months later meaning that Lena was just over five months pregnant. Her baby bump had been growing steadily but also didn’t protrude out too drastically. You could definitely see it if she was wearing a tight shirt, but with a loose-fitting shirt you could only see it if the shirt was falling the right way. It wasn’t anything special, it was how all pregnancies went. All Time Low had just finished their tour and decided to come visit Lena, Anthony, and Nick soon after. Just like they had promised, they weren’t going to just disappear altogether. Even though Alex was having those serious doubts, he didn’t want Lena to think that he wanted to cut all ties with her again because he wasn’t over what happened between them. He was in a way trying to prove that everything was all cool with him although he was actually freaking out on the inside. Luckily, this time he was a lot calmer than the last time he had been at the beautiful house. The group of guys rang the doorbell, Jack being the most excited to see Lena again. He was actually jumping up and down a little as he was the one stood at the very front with flowers in one hand and another gift in the other. Although he had nothing to do with the whole father situation, he was the one that somehow was most involved with Lena’s life. He’d text her frequently and ask how everything was going just for the sake of it. There was no harm done making sure somebody was doing ok… right? Lena walked up to the front door and opened it just like she had done last time. She greeted them with big smiles and was immediately engulfed by Jack’s arms despite the fact that he had his hands full. It was quite a clumsy hug with Lena’s bump also causing there to be a bit more space between them, but all she could do was laugh at Jack’s antics and wrap her arms around him as well. Eventually, his excitement got the best of him and he broke apart from her. “We got you a gift and flowers!” He said in a giddy tone, holding out both objects to Lena. “Well, I chose them, but we got them as a group gift. So, give me all the credit, ok?” “You guys shouldn’t have.” Lena shook her head but still took both gifts from Jack with a grin on her face. “And, don’t worry, I’ll give you all the praise you want.” “Open them, open them!” He urged next, hopping from one foot to the other just like Nick would do when he got excited about something. Basically, Jack acted just like the 5-year-old. “Don’t you think I should first say hi to the others before I do that?” She giggled again and went to Rian to greet him next. Jack groaned a little in anticipation, but let her make her circle of hugging the three other guys in his band. As soon as she was done with that, however, he was on her again, telling her to open it over and over. Lena rolled her eyes a little and told him to wait a little while longer, that she’d open them in the kitchen so that she could quickly put the flowers in the vase as well. Jack was on her heels as soon as they started making their way to said other room. Lena put the flowers down on the counter and turned back towards Jack to opened the wrapped gift so that he could see exactly how she reacted. Out of habit, she carefully lifted up the tabs with tape, trying her best not to rip the paper, only making Jack more impatient. Eventually, she finally had opened it fully to reveal a custom-made All Time Low onesie and another one that was giraffe-themed, both for the baby. The corners of Lena’s mouth curled up again as she hugged all the guys again, Jack at the end to give him the longest one to give him the credit he wanted. “This is so cute. Thank you guys so much!” “Do you know the gender yet?” Alex asked, making eye contact with Lena that was slightly uncomfortable, but neither of them wanted to be the one to look away and seem suspicious. Lena shook her head. “Nope, but we’ll found out at the next ultrasound. I’ll make sure to tell you guys.” “But we can know for certain that this one isn’t Alex’s right?” Jack joked, but it only created more tension that could now be felt by everybody else. Zack elbowed Jack in his side, trying to subtly scold him for saying such a thing. It was way too soon to be making jokes like this already. “I am one-hundred-percent sure that this one is not Alex’s and is Anthony’s.” Lena still answered to make it seem as if Jack’s question hadn’t done anything to her. “You’re such an idiot, Jack,” Rian still commented with a slight glare. Jack really did only mean good, but sometimes things did not come over that way. It wasn’t his fault, he just didn’t have the best filter. Lena folded up the onesies again and was about to ask the four guys if they wanted anything to drink. But Anthony already walked in with two six-packs of beer that he had gotten from the fridge in his studio. He hadn’t even realized that their guests had already arrived, but was only pleasantly surprised when he saw the band standing in his house. “Beer is up for grabs,” he said to welcome them and went to give them all one of those bro-hugs men always gave each other. However, when he got to Alex, they shared a look. Lena noticed it, but wasn’t sure what type of look it was. She was afraid that maybe Anthony was accusing Alex of something or even threatening him. It didn’t make sense with how he had treated the whole ordeal when it was suddenly thrown at him last time, but Lena had all the reason to be paranoid with the situation she was in. “Why do we have so much beer?” Lena asked with a chuckle in her voice, trying to distract herself. “Because we have a lot of guests coming over. Don’t forget Samantha is coming in a week and staying for a couple of days. We need to keep her satisfied.” Anthony clarified in a way that was not meant seriously at all. Lena rolled her eyes and got the bottle opener from one of the drawers. “You’re making your sister sound like an alcoholic.” “She practically is.” He nodded and used the bottle opener to open four beers which he gave to the All Time Low guys before opening one for himself as well. “No, she’s not.” She shook her head to disagree. “Trust me, if she were, she would not be allowed in this house.” “You guys are going to gang up on me as soon as she comes, aren’t you?” Anthony sighed melodramatically, proving that he was only joking around. He had a very weird relationship with his older sister that mainly consisted of teasing each other. She’d call him ‘Annie’ and he’d call her an alcoholic. It was how things normally went. “You bet your ass...” Lena giggled and filled up a glass with water for herself. “... Annie.” He immediately glared at Lena since she knew exactly how much he hated being called that. “You did not just--” “That’s my cue to go outside!” She interrupted and shuffled her way quickly to the French doors that were wide open and stepped out onto the back porch. The warm air hit her skin and the bright light blinded her for a few seconds. As soon as her vision recovered, she looked out over her garden. It looked exactly the same as it did when All Time Low had visited the first time, only this time Nick was out running on the grass with Sofa jumping around him. The sight was what any woman who wanted to be a stay at home mom wanted to see some time in their life. Lena was just lucky to have gotten it so quickly. Soon after, the others joined her and they moved over to the outdoor wooden table. They fell into a conversation mainly about the tour stories their guests were bringing back. Anthony felt nostalgic, thinking about the time he still toured around in a van with his band. Maybe All Time Low had upgraded to a tour bus a long time before, but it still reminded him of it. Also, don’t start thinking that he missed it; sure, he had good memories, but he wouldn’t change his life at all. To him, his life at that moment was already perfect. It was only going to get better when his second child was born. Or was it his first? “Wait, how’s your latest project going again? I forgot to ask you.” Lena asked Anthony when the subject slowly turned into something about his producing abilities. Anthony shrugged, not thinking much about the thing he was working on. “The lead singer of the band still has problems with his vocal chords so he hasn’t been able to do anything for the recording process. They’re going to have to see if he’ll ever get better. For now, I sang some rough vocals for it so we could see what we wanted to tweak in the instrumentals.” “You sang?” she gasped and her face lit up. “Now I definitely want to hear what you’ve been working on!” He snorted a little as he burst out laughing. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. When I say rough vocals, I mean rough. I haven’t done any singing in ages!” “If you won’t do it for her, do it for us.” Alex smirked with a devilish grin also wanting to know if Anthony actually did have good vocals and that Nick would have gotten his talent (as Jack had said) from him. “We do have to hear some work from a potential recording artist if we consider working with them. We still have a song to go for our new album and it needs to happen quick.” “Please, please, please, please!” Lena begged, clasping her hands together and leaning forward as far as her baby bump would allow her. “I can’t just show you unpublished stuff without permission from the band. I’ll have to contact them to see if they would let me.” Anthony made up as an excuse, leaning back in his chair. “Oh, come on. They’ve asked me multiple times what I thought of their work so far and every single time I’ve had to say I haven’t looked at it yet. Plus, anybody would love their work to be listened to by respectful artists!” “Ok, fine!” And so they all managed to be let through the heavy door that had a number pad on it with an emergency keyhole that could be used if there ever was a power outage. It was just to make sure nobody would manage to get their way into the building that was once a small pool house but had been converted into a fully equipped studio. All the stuff in there was super expensive. Nobody would risk accidentally leaving the door unlocked. The studio didn’t look like any old studio that was boring and only made to compensate the technical details. It was more like a modern man cave with its amazing couches and set up. The lights could even change colors and were often a dark blue or purple when Anthony had to work long hours since there weren’t really any windows. There was a microphone and a drum kit in the same recording space, making enough space in the room with the control panel to have a small fridge and even a pool table. It was heaven on earth for most men. Rian’s mouth immediately opened wide when he saw the soundboard, admiring it without daring to touch a thing. The other three were more focused on looking at the space in general while Anthony was clicking some of the things to get to the most recent version of the new song. Lena, however, was a little more focused on something else. There was a whiteboard on a wall with the progress the band was making, but right next to it was a mood board that she was attracted to. Her eyes fell on a polaroid and she took a deep breath in. “You did not!” “What?” Anthony asked, not taking his eyes off of what he was doing. Lena kept staring at the photograph that had been taken years ago when she and Anthony were still in their ‘having-fun’ phase. She couldn’t exactly remember where it had been taken, but she still remembered the actual scene. There was a pool, she had stripped off all her clothes and jumped into the refreshing water, Anthony had been laughing while also staring at her fully naked body and took the Polaroid photo of her while he was still standing on the edge. Soon after, he had also jumped in and we can all guess what happened after that. This was back when they were still carefree and Anthony was going through a slight hipster moment. How dare he even put a photo like this in a place that was frequently visited by other guys that she didn’t even know! Jack peered over her shoulder to see the photo in which you could clearly see she was naked but that water ripple made it just too difficult to make out all her features. “It’s nothing we haven’t seen before.” “Excuse me!” Lena shrieked, not only because of Jack’s comment but also because he was now seeing her naked in a photo. “I’m just saying,” he shrugged, once not again not thinking before speaking, “we all caught you and Alex having sex before.” “Well, I’m sorry,” she mocked, holding the photo to her chest so nobody else could see. She couldn’t believe Jack. Why would he even mention such a thing when she was with Anthony and Alex was also in the room. “I don’t think that has anything to do with this.” “Now I’m curious,” Zack piped up. “Is it bad that I’m curious? I don’t want to see the photo, but it can’t be that bad!” “Oh, the swimming pool photo!” Anthony nodded in understanding, the smirk already evident in his voice. “I remember taking that.” “Oh my god, how do you even remember that!” Lena scrunched up her nose in disgust. “That was before we even got serious!” “You saying that just tells us all that you also remember it.” “Yeah, but I didn’t keep any of the photos that were taken!” “Wait, there are more?” Anthony acted oblivious, turning to Lena with a frown on his face. “You’re just trying to put this on me.” She glared at her boyfriend accusingly. “I’m not the one who took the pictures in the first place.” “Something tells me that you still remember exactly what was in those photos.” She shook her head knowing that anything she said was only going to make it worse for herself. “You’re stalling. Just play that goddamn song.” “Somebody’s sleeping on the couch tonight,” Rian commented with a laugh, happy the conversation had turned into playful bickering between the couple and Jack’s stupid remark was completely ignored. “Yeah, right, that won’t ever happen,” Anthony said in a nonchalant tone and pressed the button to play the song through the loudspeakers before Lena could retort anything. But it was true. She had threatened him very often before, but the whole sleeping on the couch thing never worked out. It always turned out to be Lena getting the bad end because she couldn’t sleep properly. Especially now that she was pregnant, she couldn’t even get comfortable without Anthony there with her. The happy strumming of the electric guitar filled the room, even surprising Lena. She was so used to hearing quite heavy rock and this was nothing of the like. This was completely indie pop with the quirky beats and guitar riffs, the bass line causing you to want to dance along. Even the All Time Low guys were pleasantly surprised, bobbing their heads along. Maybe working together wasn’t actually a bad idea. Anthony seemed to know what he was doing. And his singing wasn’t even half bad. Sure it was a little rough in the first verse since it was a very rough first take, but the chorus was already way better and actually sounded like it could be a final version of the song: "You know I talk too much Honey, come put your lips on mine And shut me up We could blame it all on human nature Stay cool, it's just a kiss Oh, why you gotta be so talkative? I talk too much, we talk too much" And that got Jack even more confused. Lena telling him that Nick had gotten his talent from Anthony first seemed like some comment any parent would say if they weren’t the one that was good at said skill. But she was actually right. Anthony could not only produce amazing songs, he could also sing if needed to. The whole who-is-the-father debate inside Jack’s head was only getting more complicated by the second. “Dude, that’s a really catchy chorus!” Alex praised, immediately dissecting the song. “Especially the part where you keep descending. Did you help them write that?” Anthony burst out laughing, pressing another button so the next song wouldn’t start playing. “Oh my god, no. They weren’t sure how to do the chorus, so that whole descending part is just a joke. We just needed something to work with for the time being. This isn’t a serious chorus at all.” “Well, it’s a damn good joke. You should keep it.” Alex nodded, showing that he was honest about his opinion and didn’t purposely pick out the part that was apparently out of place. “I’ll run it by the band. In the end, it’s their decision.” Anthony told him and started flicking random switches again. If it weren’t for a short clip of the song playing again, you wouldn’t even have noticed that he was editing it as he was speaking. “Oh, no, don’t you dare.” Lena slapped his hands away. “Just let me finish this one part!” “If you get started, you won’t be able to stop. Just let go before you lose control.” “Okay.” Anthony quickly saved the song and turned off the soundboard before he got carried away. “It’s a bad addiction. At least I’m not an alcoholic like Sam.” “Your sister’s not an alcoholic!” Lena tried to make clear. She was afraid that her guests were actually going to start believing Anthony. They didn’t know it was a recurring joke between the siblings. Before she knew it, there were going to be people thinking she actually was ok with an alcoholic staying in her house for a few days while her son was there. That would happily convince Alex to believe Nick was his son and then take him away from her. “That’s what she wants you to think.” Anthony tapped his temple three times and started making his way back to the door to let everybody out. Staying inside on such a beautiful day for no reason wasn’t a good idea either. “You’re so mean to her.” She rolled her eyes and followed him out. Anthony stayed behind while everybody went back to the porch so that he could lock up everything properly. He didn’t want to accidentally leave something unsecured and then regret it later on. What it did mean, however, was that Lena had some time alone with the All Time Low guys. It wasn’t long or anything, but it was long enough for her to have to walk beside Alex the entire few yards that were just grass. “So, how are you doing?” Alex asked out of the blue, coming up with a small talk question that wasn’t exactly appropriate anymore for how long he had already been there. Lena looked around the garden as if that would answer the question. “I mean, I think I’m doing pretty well for myself.” “Ok, yeah, that’s good, of course.” Alex nodded, not really having thought of where the conversation was to go next. Lucky for him, the awkward silence to come was filled for him. Nick happened to run right past them at that very moment and trip over thin air. Alex stabilized him before he actually fell to the ground, creating some sort of weird invisible bond. Or, at least it felt like a bond to him. “Be careful!” Lena scolded her son. But he was already running off again without taking much notice of what had happened. “Sorry!” “Well, isn’t he a hyper little dude?” Alex chuckled under his breath, putting his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “He’s always been like this as soon as he could walk. Sometimes he's a little too excited and all over the place, but he’s a good guy. He wouldn’t harm a fly.” Lena agreed as her face lit up. Talking about her son always got her mood to be elevated without even needing to do anything. “Talk about good parenting.” “Or genes.” She added as they reached the porch and went to sit with Rian, Jack, and Zack who had already found their seats from before. Alex tried to act like what she had said didn’t do anything to him, but his heart dropped and his pupils had dilated a little for a second. He didn’t know what to do, he felt so bad. Everything was so messed up. He knew Lena probably meant it as a joke, something she would say to anybody, not really thinking of how it would fold out in this context, but it affected him more than it should have. Although all six of them acted like nothing was going on, as if they were all best friends for no other reason than wanting to be around each other. But it wasn’t that simple. They all knew they only had gotten contact with each other because of one specific thing. If Nick hadn’t even looked so much like Alex, they probably wouldn’t have ever spoken to each other again after the concert. Things just happened to go the way they had. Four of them didn’t know, however, that two had been very secretive behind the others’ backs. Alex was the one to bring it up, no longer feeling comfortable with the pressure. “So, umm, I wanted to suggest something. I mean, umm, Anthony and I kind of already talked a bit about it, so this isn’t just something coming out of the blue.” Everybody except for Alex and Anthony thought it may have been about a career possibility. That Alex had asked Anthony to produce a song for them despite not having asked his band’s permission. But that wasn’t it at all. It was way different. Only, Alex couldn’t get it out. He stared at Anthony, hoping he’d take over. “Yeah, just some stuff about the paternity test,” Anthony spoke, but only to guide Alex, not to say the exact thing. “Alex was thinking about some stuff and asked me what I thought…” And that was Alex’s cue to finally say it even though he was afraid. “I don’t want to do this paternity test.” “What?!” Jack screeched. All this work for nothing? Was he the only one that cared? He thought Alex wanted to know. That’s why he started it all in the first place! “Let me finish first.” Alex took a calm breath to show that he wasn’t going to be mad but just wanted to communicate his thoughts. “I just think it’s the best thing to do. It would be unfair to Nick to just throw this at him, even if we slowly ease him into it… that is, of course, if I am the father. Anthony agrees with me. We didn’t even consider what this would have done to Nick.” “But don’t you want to--” “Jack, this is not your decision to make unless you’re being the one tested. As far as I know, he definitely isn’t your kid,” Alex sighed in a stressed out way. “Unless there’s something you want to tell us.” Jack’s eyes widened with shock as he stared at Lena. He shook his head rapidly, pursing his lips as if he was trying to stop himself from blurting out something. As if that didn’t seem suspicious at all. And Lena knew exactly what it looked like Jack’s actions were implying. It wasn’t any good; it would only make it messier. “If you are implying that I also slept with Jack, I’m going to stop you right there.” Lena interrupted any thoughts that could have been going through the men’s minds. “I did not. It’s either Alex or Anthony, I never did anything stupid like that. So, I would appreciate us thinking before speaking because so far everything is making me look bad.” “Ok.” Alex nodded, also noticing he completely went off topic. “I didn’t mean for it to come out that way. It was me just blowing up on Jack a little for needing to have a say in this. Anyway, I still think it’s best for us not to take the test. I just want to know your opinion on it, not Jack’s.” “Do what you want.” Lena shrugged seeming like she didn’t care about it anymore. “I can’t force you to give somebody your DNA so they can test it. I will support your decision no matter what you choose.” “Are you sure?” Right at that moment, the oven timer started beeping. Before the guys had come over, she was baking a cake with Nick. Well, they started it together but Nick quickly got distracted. That kid loved being outdoors and could just spend hours running around in the garden not doing much. Lena wasn’t complaining, though. She liked that he loved playing outside and wasn’t anything like most kids who would stare at a tablet screen for days on end. “Perfect timing, huh?” Lena snorted but got up nonetheless. She couldn’t just leave the alarm and finish the conversation. That would ruin the cake, which would then cause Nick to be upset even though he didn’t do anything to help. She stood up and slowly pushed her chair back so she could get away and walk into the kitchen. Of course, she felt the stares as she was leaving, but she acted like she didn’t take note of it. It wasn’t like she was trying to avoid the situation, because all she wanted was to get it over and done with. There was no point trying to drag it out. It would only cause more problems. They just had to make their decision now and leave it be. Once she was in the kitchen, she grabbed the oven mitts and took her time taking the cake out of the hot oven. She put it down on the counter and turned back around to close the oven once her hands were empty. If she was honest, she really only thought that was all that was going to happen and she’d return back outside right after. There wasn’t much she could do before the cake cooled down, so she wasn’t going to stay there much longer than she had to. But something else kept her there. Alex and Anthony joined her, both studying her face when she noticed they were there. She frowned back at them, putting back the oven mitts in the drawer she had gotten them from. “What?” “We decided to come here to talk since we are the only three directly involved in this. Maybe it’s best for us to discuss this without anybody else interrupting,” Anthony told her, referencing back to what happened with Jack. She nodded, understanding what he was getting at. “Ok. What’s there to discuss?” “That Anthony and I were thinking of not doing the test, to just leave it be.” Alex elaborated, thinking it was weird that Lena would forget so quickly. Of course, she knew, though. “Yeah, ok. But still. It’s your decision. You guys are the ones that have to provide DNA. It’s your legal right to choose not to do it.” “I get that,” Alex started to get frustrated even though there was no reason for him to do so already, “but I want to know what you think about it. I don’t care about the facts, we want to know your personal opinion on this." “I can’t form an opinion without knowing your reasoning behind it. And I don’t believe it’s just about you not wanting to hit Nick with something like this. He’s only five, he won’t know what’s going on until we have to explain it to him.” Alex stared at her for a second or two, unsure how to voice what was on his mind the entire time. It was so much easier to do through a text message to Anthony. Now he actually had to say it out loud. “Because last time we were here I saw how great your family is and all. You all have an amazing relationship with each other. I don’t want to suddenly come in between that. That would be wrong. Even if you say it’s ok, I’ll feel horrible about it.” “Alex told me a while ago.” Anthony added to make sure he wouldn’t suddenly be singled out. “I asked him if he was sure multiple times, but he has his heart and mind set towards it.” “Ok, I understand. Nice of you to tell me now.” Lena smiled at them, but the sarcasm was hidden too well. “So, what do you think?” Alex asked once more just to double check. “What do I think? Well, let me see… You,” she pointed at Alex, “I think you are too afraid to find out that he’s your son and that you’ll feel guilty for not being there despite not even knowing that he is. And you,” her finger panned towards her boyfriend’s chest, “I think you’re too afraid that he isn’t your son and you’re scared that it will affect your relationship with Nick because you love that boy to death. I also think that both of you,” she pointed between the two men, “are maybe a little afraid that it will turn out that neither of you is the father because that’s apparently the girl I seem to be. You might be able to get past it all, but I’ll always look at him and be unsure which one of you two gave me him. But, hey, you guys choose what to do. At least I know for sure that he’s my son.” Anthony looked at his girlfriend with a shocked expression, not having expected to suddenly have gotten such a long speech from her. But she was right. It was exactly what he was afraid of. He was afraid that Alex would turn out to be Nick’s father, taking his place in the family. He would no longer be Nick’s proper father figure despite the five years they had both believed he was. Alex would take that from him. And of course there was also the small fear that Lena would run to Alex. She had said so many times that he would always be the guy she would spend the rest of her life with, but maybe news like this would change it all. As soon as Alex voiced his concerns, Anthony felt so relieved that he wasn’t the one who wanted to stop it all. But Lena had to agree to the decision as well. “So you do want us to take the test?” He asked, feeling dumb for even asking. “Personally, I’d like to know which one of you is the father so I would stop feeling so guilty. Right now I feel like I’ve lied to both of you. Anthony because I made you believe for sure that Nick was yours since I also thought so, and Alex because I never told you since I never even thought of the possibility. At least I’ll know if this guilt is for no reason or not. And that might seem selfish, so I don’t want to have the final word. It’s you guys who might have your lives changed completely. In the end, it’s all your choice.” Lena took a deep breath and went back outside to show that she really did not have another thing to say. She didn’t need all this extra drama. All she wanted was to go to a concert with her son to see his uncle and she was now stuck with this. Jack looked up at her expectantly to see if she was there with any news. But Lena just ignored the look and sat back down. She needed to keep calm if she wanted her pregnancy to go just as smooth as it had with Nick. There was no way she was going to make some unnecessary drama get in the way of that. “Did you convince them to take the test?” Jack asked when he noticed he wasn’t just going to get an answer to his unspoken question. Lena shrugged and leaned back in her chair. “I honestly don’t care. They can do whatever they want.” “You don’t mean that, do you?” He questioned further although he was trying to stop himself from being too nosey and involved. “It’s not that important, is it? I mean, we all haven’t seen each other in five years and we have been doing just fine before that.” “But don’t you want to know?” Zack decided to join in. He didn’t want to make it worse for Lena, but even he felt like she was acting weird. “Well, yeah. Of course I want to know whether or not I was an idiot, but I’m not going to force somebody to do something they don’t want. I’m not that kind of person.” Lena explained again. She was being genuine, and she just couldn’t comprehend the fact that nobody believed her. Rian had his say too. “I think you’re being very reasonable, but don’t be afraid to say what you want and fight for it.” She was about to try and explain again that she really was fine with it all, but Anthony and Alex came back outside as well. They were standing and looked down at the whole group. It was obvious that they were going to make an announcement and it most definitely was about what they had discussed with each other. “Make a final decision?” Rian asked them, also not being able to take all the suspense anymore. “I hope it’s the right one. I don’t know which one that is, but we’ll find out.” Alex made eye contact with Lena as his heart rate started picking up and his heart dropped. He swallowed, hoping to get rid of the dry spot in his throat, and nodded. “Yes, we’ve decided that it’s best to--” Before he could get the full answer out, Nick came running up to the porch and stood beside his mother. He grabbed a handful of snacks and sat down on her lap. She wrapped her arms around his small body and placed her chin on top of his head, looking up at the two men who wouldn’t dare say a word with Nick around.

#all time low fanfiction #Alex Gaskarth fanfiction #all time low #alex gaskarth #all time low imagine #Alex Gaskarth imagine #glad to meet you again

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bobbystompy · 7 years ago

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My Top 120 Songs Of 2017

Previously: 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011

The one saving grace is we do have 12 fewer than last year.

As always, criteria and info:

This is a list of what I personally like, not ones I’m saying are the “best” from the year; more subjective than objective

No artist is featured more than once

If it comes down to choosing between two songs for an artist, I try to give more weight to a single or featured track; not the ultimate factor, but it typically makes sharing the music easier

Speaking of… each song on the list is linked in the title if you wanna check any or every out for yourself

Oh, also, off the suggestion of Mike Gilkes -- and a few others -- I made this whole thing into a Spotify playlist, which you can peep here (includes 114 of the 120):

Let’s go?

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120) Big Sean & Metro Boomin f/ 21 Savage - “Pull Up N Wreck”

Some mediocre, listenable rap made by dudes who know a bit better (well, at least 2/3rds of them).

119) Maroon 5 f/ Future - “Cold”

This song makes me feel mostly nothing... but the first minute of the video does have some solid Adam Levine alone-in-the-car acting.

/oh my god it has 119 million views

This was a lot easier to enjoy when I assumed it went unnoticed. Bonus points for the Wu-Tang shirt at the end.

118) Bleachers - “Hate That You Know Me”

Closed out 2017 undecided as ever on one Jack Antonoff. Should we hate him for dating Lena Dunham? Somehow respect him more? Give him mega credit for his big time pop songwriting collabs? Or is that a ding? Is he a nerd or the coolest guy in the cocktail bar? I do not know the answers to any of these questions, and this song is merely OK.

UPDATE: THEY GAWN

117) B.o.B f/ T.I. & Ty Dolla $ign - “4 Lit”

Real bad song with a mindless/terrible/misogynistic chorus. Yet... something about professional musicians sitting in a room and coming up with “4 Lit” as some sort of escalated to catchphrase to “lit” is just hilarious.

116) Prophets of Rage - “Unfuck The World”

Sure, this hits a lot of the same beats as Rage Against The Machine’s “Sleep Now In The Fire” from 18 years ago, but in these increasingly polarized, political times, I welcome their voice.

115) Kacy Hill - “Like A Woman”

This song is so chill and ethereal that it seems almost unfeasible for my punk/hip-hop/XX chromosome havin’ ass to completely sync with its wave.

114) The Decemberists - “Ben Franklin’s Song”

What happens when pop indie teams up with the lyrical stylings of Lin-Manuel Miranda? Well, this. I’m not sure if The Decemberists drop f-bombs in any of their other songs, but it pleases me to think it only happened here.

113) Offset & Metro Boomin - “Ric Flair Drip”

Mostly here for the beat.

112) Hurray For The Riff Raff - “Hungry Ghost”

A cool song that’s hard to put into a box. Indie? Pop? Rock? Forget labels, just enjoy.

(Minus a few points for the low hanging “girl/world” rhyme)

111) Wavves - “Dreams Of Grandeur”

I was pretty let down by the new Wavves LP, but this song sounds enough like the old stuff to be a net positive (despite being, like, 70 seconds too long)

110) Culture Abuse - “So Busted”

Culture Abuse got on my radar with last year’s all-timer, “Dream On”. It was an unrelenting, robotic pulverization. “So Busted” is more of a drug comedown; a ballad, even. While “Dream On” wanted to seek you out and kill you like a terminator; “So Busted” just wants a cuddle.

109) Trey Songz - “#1Fan”

This song is so dumb and funny and pseudo competent. Really not sure how the R&B guys get away with this shit.

108) The Killers - “The Man”

Is this in a movie? It should be in a movie. It’s kind of, like, a better version of what Arcade Fire has been trying to be.

107) New Lenox - “Protest Sweater”

A good song for the ending 2017 -- or any year, really -- and its run time (1:30) would make Joyce Manor proud.

106) Logic - “Everybody”

This is really good, but it reminds me so much of Kendrick that it becomes distracting.

105) Gorillaz f/ DRAM - “Andromeda”

Didn’t spend enough time listening to the new Gorillaz record, but I actually put the blame on them: it was long, man. So while I woulda loved to pick one of the songs with a cool cameo (hi, Vince Staples!), this is the one I actually had around the most. It’s all we’ve come to expect from this cartoon band -- kinda British, kinda futuristic, very undisturbed. Also, if it gets you back to the album before me, I heard that Damon Albarn told all collaborating artists to record their parts like the world was ending tomorrow.

104) Dropkick Murphys - “Blood”

If you know me at all, you know I historically have not been a fan of this band. But for whatever reason, this one connected -- bagpipes and all.

103) Captain, We’re Sinking - “Books”

CWS was never, ever going to top the falling-apart-desperation of 2013′s “The Future Is Cancelled”, but this song comes pleasantly close.

102) IRONTOM - “Be Bold Like Elijah”

My buddy Crooks rec’d this band, and the guitars give me Queens Of The Stone Age vibes in the best possible way. A bio on lastFM compared them to Arctic Monkeys, and you know what? I agree with that, too.

101) Jidenna - “A Bull’s Tale”

This song feels primed to explode and makes you wanna rip the shirt off your chest; only we don’t know if the bomb’s gonna blow in the middle or at the end.

100) Jeff Tweedy - “I Am Trying To Break Your Heart”

Yeah yeah, the original version of this dropped in 2002, and yes, it’s just a cover by the dude who originally sang it. I... do not care. It made me appreciate the confessional regret all over again.

99) Talib Kweli f/ Yummy Bingham & Jay Electronica - “All Of Us”

It was all bad just a week ago

Kweli and Jay Elect are a collab made in conscious rap heaven, so this song was more than a pleasant surprise.

98) Rise Against - “House On Fire”

This song could have been on “Revolutions Per Minute”. Or maybe I’m just saying that because of the hand grenade lyric in the chorus.

97) HAIM - “Want You Back”

Can’t imagine there being a lamer song on this list. HAIM and Bleachers should get in a wuss rock beef that ends with pistols.

96) The Bigger Empty - “By Its Own (So What)”

My producer plays bass in this band. This song is super solid, and, maybe most importantly in these completely divisive times, unoffensive and approachable. Kinda Hush Sound-y.

95) Little Big Town - “Lost In California” (note: link is to live version)

From the bros and broettes who brought us “Day Drinking” comes this much more subdued track. If you squint, it doesn’t really even seem like country. Granted, if they sang “Alabama” instead of “California”, you could probably call that claim out immediately.

94) Lana Del Rey - “Heroin”

Another beautiful/dreamy song from an artist who’s near-perfected that niche.

93) Wavves & Culture Abuse - “Up And Down”

Wavves and Culture Abuse have already made appearances on this list, and we haven’t even cracked the Top 80. Fortunately, their collaboration scored a little higher than their individual outputs. Shout out to their uplifting outro “I’ll just get high and I’ll die alone”.

92) The Chainsmokers & Coldplay - “Something Just Like This”

This song played at my gym all the time, and I was positive it was Coldplay. Then someone told me it was The Chainsmokers. Then I looked it up on YouTube, and it says “The Chainsmokers & Coldplay”... so what’s the deal, assholes?

91) Lil Peep f/ Lil Tracy - “Awful Things”

I hadn’t heard of Lil Peep when I found out of his passing in 2017. After looking up some pictures, I was nearly 100% positive his music was not for me. This was incorrect. I haven’t really listened to songs that sound like his; it’s kind of like rap that treads this line of being bad while also kinda sounding like alternative rock; destructive love song that doesn’t flinch.

90) AFI - “Dark Snow”

Nothing new, but Davey Havok can still sing circles around almost anybody.

89) Dashboard Confessional - “Love Yourself” (link is to live, partial version)

Well, Dashboard covered Biebs, and we all lived to tell the tale.

88) Garrett Dale - “2016 Was...”

This song would be a blast as a singalong in a late night hotel room. There’s something calming about celebrating -- or at least acknowledging -- everything sucking.

87) Katy Perry f/ Skip Marley - “Chained To The Rhythm”

Got more than a few issues with this song, but it’s catchy, so they’re mostly forgiven. Even though it’s Katy Perry, I was pretty surprised to see it racked up 444 million views.

And seriously who the hell is Skip Marley?!

86) The Ramblin’ Boys Of Pleasure - “Glug, Glug, Glug”

Now is probably a good time to plug the lead track from my band’s b-sides record that came out this year (ten years in the making, baby!). Mandatory listening if you’ve ever bonged brandy, partied in Champaign, or counted down in a country voice.

85) Charly Bliss - “Glitter”

It’s been nearly a year, but it’s still somewhat difficult to calibrate this singer’s voice. Is it a little too saccharine, too childlike, or just perfect? You be the judge.

84) Emperor X - “Wasted On The Senate Floor”

This singer is real god damn frenetic.

83) Father John Misty - “Total Entertainment Forever”

/obligatory “yes, this is the one with the Taylor Swift lyric” reference

FJM has such a pro’s pro voice and makes super sound music... but it’s also kinda hard to have an overall opinion. The more 50-50 I get, the more I think it’s not all that great. The video is a microcosm. Like... why is Macaulay Culkin paying Cobain? Is this a commentary on capitalism? Oooh, nah nah nahs are nice! As divided as I still am, I’m pretty positive this song is good-if-not-great.

82) St. Vincent - “New York”

This song is further proof that soft, radio friendly music can still benefit from a well placed “motherfucker”.

81) Andrew McMahon In The Wilderness - “Dead Man’s Dollar”

As long as Andrew McMahon’s project is called “Andrew McMahon In the Wilderness”, I will make fun of him like clockwork.

This song is nice. I sometimes sing “I want Thon Maker” when he says “I want to make a” in the chorus.

80) Kele Okereke - “Streets Been Talkin’”

Kele’s most impressive feat was sneaking “bae” right into the chorus without me noticing until literally right now.

79) Rick Ross - “Summer Seventeen”

How the hell did this dumbass song get so high up on the list? I have no explanation. Classic Roazy though -- aim high, fake it till you make it. When I started my new job in August, IT reset my password to “summer2017″, and I had this song’s hook in my head nearly every time I typed it in. All told, a pretty hilarious way to start a work day.

78) Michelle Branch - “Best You Ever”

This song sounds so dark and sultry, but I’m not totally sure why. Branch rules.

77) Calvin Harris f/ Pharrell Williams, Katy Perry & Big Sean - “Feels”

The best way to ruin this song for anyone is to point out how much the hook sounds like Katy Perry singing “Don’t be afraid to catch fish”.

76) Morrissey - “Spent The Day In Bed”

This is a very low maintenance lyric video. So you can either make fun of that or the “I spent the day in bed / I’m not the type, but I love my bed” line.

75) Red City Radio - “If You Want Blood (Be My Guest)”

The “We don’t need a god damn thing from you” chorus is a little punk cliche to win me over, but the Oklahoma City reference (”where our dreams come true and die”) is the line I’ve been waiting for since I found out RCR was from there.

74) Sam Coffey & The Iron Lungs - “Talk 2 Her”

The closest we’ll get to a new Clash song in 2017.

73) Bad Cop/Bad Cop - “Womanarchist”

Factoring in the 2017′s themes (#MeToo, Harvey dead, etc.), this has to be the song title of the year. I smiled ear-to-ear watching this music video.

72) The Movielife - “Mercy Is Asleep At The Wheel”

Hey, The Movielife reunited!

71) The Rocket Summer - “Gone Too Long”

Unlike that lazy ass Morrissey, The Rocket Summer gave us a lyric video that basically passes as a legit music video.

70) Miguel f/ Travis Scott - “Sky Walker”

Me, every time I listen to this song:

“Ooh, beat is pretty solid.”

“Ah yeah, the hook’s good. I thought I really liked this song though...”

/falsetto part

“AW YEAH.”

69) Queens Of The Stone Age - “The Way You Used To Do”

Had never known about the Josh Homme/Elvis comparisons, but after hearing this, I totally get it now. Also: god damn it, man.

68) Macklemore f/ Skylar Grey - “Glorious”

What can we do to make Skylar Grey more famous? She Ginger Rogers’d for Em on “SNL” -- seriously, she played piano and sung Dido, Beyoncé, and Rihanna hooks (that’s a solid ass trinity!) -- has unarguably awesome songs, and never takes anything off the table. I honestly don’t care if she has another hit... let’s just, like, all Venmo her five bucks or something.

One of my fav music videos on the list so far. Be as skeptical of Macklemore as you want, but when his grandma offers him a drink (haha) then says she wants to “do it all” with their day together, it warms the hearts.

67) Direct Hit! - “Blood On Your Tongue”

Direct Hit! continues to be the best modern version of Green Day, The Ramones*, and themselves.

(* - without being Ramones-core)

66) Boyd & The Stahfools - “Party Penguin”

I’ve been in the game for a long while, but, for the first time in my career, I finally was part of a music video. If you told me it was a 2Pac parody that advertised craft beer, I’d, well, I’d believe you. We got Dave Hernandez on the hook, Mike Healy as Dr. Dre, and yours truly as Makaveli.

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And all jokes aside, “On vacation like Bev D’Angelo” is one of my favorite penned lines.

65) Rancid - “Telegraph Avenue”

I like when Tim sings about grabbing his left-handed guitar.

64) Big Sean f/ Jeremih - “Light”

Sean Don made a forgettable 2017 album with many throwaway tracks -- but “Light” ain’t one of ‘em. I liked this song even before the touching video cemented its power.

63) blink 182 - “Parking Lot”

This is that weird mix of what makes all new blink really good and really eh at the same time -- Skiba involved (for better or worse), inspired Mark (for better or worse), and Travis’ overplaying (for better or worse). It’s for sure easier if you just turn your brain off and go with it.

Why does he reference Chicago in the verse then California in the pre-chorus?

I SAID “OFF”.

62) New Found Glory - “Your Jokes Aren’t Funny”

This song doesn’t break a ton of new ground, but it’s got this circular, easy chorus that keeps me coming back.

61) Teenage Bottlerocket - “Goin’ Back To Wyo”

Similar to Red City Radio writing about OKC, I can’t get enough of TB writing about their home. Did I blast this song while driving across the entire state alone this summer? Do you know me an ounce?

60) Frank Turner - “The Sand In The Gears”

A little dissatisfied with the current administration? Frank may be from across the pond, but he’s with you on this one, man. One of my favorite parts of this song is when he breaks the rhyme scheme just to angrily say “I thought that we were winning the war against the homophobes and the racists”.

59) Billy Bragg - “Not Everything That Counts Can Be Counted”

Billy Bragg is here for all of us, with perspective, wisdom, and insightful guidance in tow.

58) Dave Hause - “The Flinch”

Send this one to an old flame if you’re hoping, you know, to maybe rekindle.

57) Selena Gomez f/ Gucci Mane - “Fetish”

That’s right -- “Bad Liar” got beat out by this significantly less popular single featuring one of my least favorite rappers.

/looks up play totals

”Fetish”... 130 million

“Bad Liar”... 214 million

Comparably popular, I say! For me, this one is all about the chorus -- and that beat’ll get you swayin’.

56) Jay Electronica - “Letter To Falon”

‘Cause who gon’ save them babies? / And finally put a definite to all those maybes

Death, taxes, maybe death again, and Jay Electronica never releasing a full length album. Our man has been on Roc Nation for nearly ten years. I hate him so much. /anxiously awaits his next move

Jay Electricity in his zone on this one; so comfortable, in full operation within the confines.

55) Laura Jane Grace - “Adore”

I don’t know who Amy Shark is, but LJG covered her song and punted my heart into Lake Michigan.

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54) Russian Girlfriends - “Antidote”

Upbeat, direct song that starts kinda Metric-y with the riff but then gets more pop punk as it progresses.

53) Brian Fallon - “If Your Prayers Don’t Get To Heaven”

My fiancee laughed when I looked up how to play this song on the guitar and the guy who tabbed it out wrote “Typical Brian Fallon open chords” in the intro.

52) Cloud Nothings - “Enter Entirely”

If “Womanarchist” is the ‘best’ song title of the year, “Enter Entirely” is certainly the coolest. And please don’t let the very boring music video fool you -- this song gets after it, man. If you are a fan of rock music, it would blow me away if you found this song remotely objectionable.

(After seeing CN open for Japandroids on back-to-back nights this November, it feels criminal to have such a slow song represent the band, as their drummer is the Russell Westbrook of the indie scene. That dude does not tire and comes off as more machine than man.)

51) Conor Oberst - “Napalm”

Oberst released a 10-song album in 2016 that was super brooding and piano-y... then he released another album in 2017 (17 songs) that had every track from his previous record and seven new ones. Kind of a weird move, no? This is one of those seven; suffice to say it’s a little more upbeat.

50) Sorority Noise - “No Halo”

You could tell me this song came out in 2002, 2007, or both -- but not 2017. How is this not a time capsuled rival of Taking Back Sunday or My Chemical Romance? I don’t know, but if you like a lot of death, this one’s for you.

49) N.E.R.D f/ Rihanna - “Lemon”

Let’s lighten the mood back up with some RiRi rap. My buddy Crooks’ take: “That's how every 2017 hip-hop beat should sound.”

48) Kesha - “Praying”

It’s damn near impossible to talk about this song without talking about The Note. It occurs at 4:21, and it will make you a little faint.

Kesha dusts herself off and gets beyond empowered in this one. This song could legitimately soundtrack the entire #MeToo movement. When the drums kick in halfway through, you’ll be ready to fight back too.

When I’m finished, they won’t even know your name

47) The Smith Street Band - “Laughing (Or Pretending To Laugh)”

This soft, hopeful love song is almost *too* respectful when it comes to interactions with the opposite sex. I’m not sure there’s a more endearing 2017 lyric than “And I don't wanna marry you just yet / But at least let me get you a cider / And I don’t even think I’d have to pay for it / Hopefully there’s a couple left on the rider”.

46) Run The Jewels - “Legend Has It”

Whenever I think of this song, I will always have that image of El-P holding up that gun to the bunny’s head. This song is braggadocious, each line one-upping the previous in perpetuity. Man, they probably rule live.

45) Vic Mensa - “Say I Didn’t”

Vic Mensa's Roc Nation debut (CAN YOU HEAR ME AT ALL, JAY ELECTRONICA?!?!?!?!?!?) was real strong, and this one gives you a good taste of what he’s about. He’s intense but controlled and even gets a little soulful. And depending what sphere you come from, you’ll either be extremely more or extremely less interested after he drops a Weezer reference. If that gives you trepidation, maybe the Nate Dogg namedrop will reel you back in?

44) Kendrick Lamar - “HUMBLE.”

I like Kendrick Lamar and will always recognize his talent, platform, and body of work (there’s a real case to be made that his “Control” verse killed hip-hop, and it’s just been an animated zombie ever since). Having said that...

He doesn’t always make it easy. The all caps song titles, the weird high pitched flow, the massive reliance of “bitch” in his choruses... yet, he’s the same dude who begs for stretch marked butts and body positivity. I don’t know, man. By the time he hits the “I make a play fucking up your whole life” line, I’m nearly all the way back in.

Last complaint: that organ-y keyboard thing could be so much louder. The beat almost feels diet because of that decision.

43) PKEW PKEW PKEW - “Cold Dead Hands”

This song is about how you can’t freeze this band to death, because they’ll party their way out of the situation.

42) Weezer - “Any Friend Of Diane’s”

This song puts me in a trance; they sing the same chorus lyric a million times, and I still almost want more.

41) Taylor Swift - “I Did Something Bad”

If this song isn’t a hit in 2018, then I do not know anything. For as uneven and questionable as her new singles were, this song has none of that. By the time she’s rolling on the tremendously magnetic “over and over and over again” part, you’ll feel like it’s 2009.

Maybe the old Taylor is still alive after all.

40) Best Ex - “Someday”

What’s that, you want your pop with a lot less baggage? This song is currently at 1,042 views, which is further proof of no justice in this world. I remember grocery shopping with this in the headphones, and you woulda thought it was the happiest moment of my life by the expression on my smiling, dumb face.

39) White Reaper - “Judy French”

“There are no good new rock bands wahhhhh”

Nah -- you just suck at finding music when it’s never been easier in human history, I guess?

38) Anti-Flag - “The Criminals”

This band has always lived in this dramatic life-and-death world, and it’s been going on for so long, that it’s like their vision of what they were always rebelling against was willed into existence.

37) French Montana f/ The Weeknd & Max B - “A Lie”

My dislike of French Montana is so high that I sometimes think about having to answer for saying something heinous about him. Kinda like when Kevin Garnett was accused of calling Charlie Villanueva (who has alopecia) a “cancer patient.”

KG’s all-time response:

“I am aware there was a major miscommunication regarding something I said on the court last night. My comment to Charlie Villanueva was in fact ‘You are cancerous to your team and our league,’" Garnett said in a statement to the media on Wednesday.

Hahahaha.

French, you are a cancer to hip-hop and our league. His verse even references stupid Karl Malone, because why wouldn’t it? The good news is we have The Weeknd on the hook *and* in the first verse, so you can basically just pretend it’s his solo song with a few regrettable cameos.

36) The Penske File - “Oh Brother”

The Penske File make it look effortless sometimes. After hearing this song and doing a Malört shot with their singer, I have higher hopes than ever for their 2018 full length.

35) The Front Bottoms - “Don’t Fill Up On Chips”

TFB’s new album didn’t give me everything I wanted in terms of uptempo bangers, but the lyrics, sentiment, and craftsmanship are all still very much present.

34) Vince Staples - “Big Fish”

The Juicy J chorus might not win a Pulitzer (”I was up late night ballin’ / Countin’ up hundreds by the thousand”), but Vince is rapping invincible, and by the time the lyrics call back his monster single (“Norf Norf”), you won’t be questioning anything anymore.

33) Julien Baker - “Shadowboxing” (link is to live version)

I know that you don't understand 'Cause you don't believe what you don't see When you watch me throwing punches at the devil It just looks like I'm fighting with me

I swear, Julien Baker might be one of the only people on this planet with the power to shut us all up and listen.

32) Paramore - “Fake Happy”

Paramore is a band that does dumb shit all the time. Infighting, legal drama, horrible makeover after horrible makeover. Seriously, this is real:

But through it all, there’s that unbreakable Hayley voice, and it’s like everything is gonna be OK again. I mean, no, it’s not -- but let’s still enjoy these fleeting moments, full blown pop transition or not.

31) Nothington - “Cobblestones”

This song briefly sounds like Lucero before turning into no nonsense despair punk.

30) Lorde - “Perfect Places”

Such a phenomenal album closer; great to have her back in the pop music fold. Car, headphones, party, whatever -- this song goes all around you.

29) Remember Sports - “I Liked You Best”

If Kesha’s high note in “Praying” was pop music’s peak vocal moment in 2017, I’d like to nominate the “You made this me-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-hess” (2:37) part as punk’s.

28) Phoenix - “J-Boy”

This band makes such gorgeous music.

27) Drake - “Free Smoke” (no link)

Drake’s full album output, in minutes, for the last four years:

2013: 59 minutes 2014: N/A 2015: 108 minutes 2016: 81 minutes

And this doesn’t include stray singles, diss tracks, or cameos (2014 had “0 To 100″, for example). What I’m saying is, despite high quality material, Aubrey has saturated us with music for nearly half a decade. So even though I dig him lots, it was like “Really?!” when I heard he was releasing 2017′s “More Life” and “WHAT” when I found out it was another 81 minutes (the same length as 2016′s “Views”). Though the record is stylistically very different -- I keep hearing people use the word “grime”, though I have no idea what it means -- it’s still got bars. My favorite stray lines (they add up):

- “More life, more everything” - “I dunk text J-Lo / Old number, so it bounce back” - “Hilton rooms, gotta double up / Writin’ our name on a double cup” - “I fall asleep in sororities / I had some different priorities” - “Women I like was ignorin’ me / Now they like ‘Aren’t you adorable?’ / I know the question rhetorical” - “I make too much these days to ever say ‘Poor me’” - “I wanna move to Dubai / So I don’t never have to kick it with none of you guys”

But, it wouldn’t be Drake without making fun of him some. The song beings with, well, him sampling himself at an award show. The sample:

And more chune for your headtop So watch how you speak on my name, you know?

Which begs the question: did he do the weird Jamaican accent knowing he was gonna sample it? It treads this weird genius/calculated doofus line. All I know is it makes me laugh.

26) Tigers Jaw - “Favorite”

This song could make me pensive and unhappy on the sunniest of days.

25) Tee Grizzley - “First Day Out”

Like many, I first heard of Tee Grizzley from a LeBron James Instagram workout video. It was an easy sell: Detroit, ferocious beat, and the dude goes *hard*. I got a little too excited and emailed my hip-hop friends: “What the fuck is this? This is GOOD.”

This was before I realized he kinda sounds the same in every song. It’s no matter -- we’ll always have “First Day Out”, a brief time in June 2017 where I thought Tee Grizzley could be the next to run the game.

I can’t even be in public with my hoodie on

24) The War On Drugs - “Strangest Thing”

It’s very difficult to write about The War On Drugs without mentioning how transcendent it is to listen to them in the car. Everyone is right about that, but, for me, I also have to mention how much this dude sounds like Dylan. People say Springsteen, but I hear so much Bob. You don’t necessarily have to get “past” it, but you do kinda have to get used to it. Once you do, the lead guitar will carry you into the clouds. This music will make you contemplate and reflect.

23) Foxing - “Night Channels”

Let’s keep the mood contemplative; you almost feel sleepless if not completely locked in to this one.

UPDATE: This dropped in 2015, /sigh

22) Craig Finn - “God In Chicago”

This is more of a movie than a song -- and the visuals agree. Focus in on the lyrics, take in the story, and then do it again soon because you’ll catch new wrinkles each time. One of the year’s best videos, for sure. Punk News phrases it well: “Here he’s made a solo album of losers who have no idea they’ve already lost.”

21) DJ Khaled f/ Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance The Rapper, Lil Wayne - “I’m The One”

No one wanted you to know he had sex in 2017 more than DJ Khaled. He made his infant son Asahd the “Executive Producer” for this video. Why? Because he’s an idiot. Khaled’s still existing fame continues to confound. He’s more faux-platitudes than man at his point. So why do the best artists in the world collaborate with someone so seemingly unintelligent? I don’t know, but this song bangs and was probably my Song of the Summer. We got JB on the hook, a dumb-but-amusing Quavo*, Wayne trying to gain footing, and Chance running across the finish line backward with Best Verse title belt. But Khaled won’t let you forget about him, blaring DJ tag and all. This song suffers for that, and it’s all his fault.

(* - his ad lib of just repeating everything becomes charming once you start to get Stockholm Syndrome with the song)

20) Ed Sheeran - “The Shape Of You”

What a 2017 for the man behind the year’s best (super successful) pop song. At the turn of the calendar, I barely knew who he was, but before we all knew it, there was a legitimate public outcry because he was on “Game of Thrones” for, like, two minutes. What a time. Oh, also, the “Come on, be my baby...” bridge gave me some “Real World: New Orleans” acid flashbacks.

Great meme, take us out.

19) Minus The Bear - “Last Kiss”

If the shattered neon heart didn’t give it away, this is a “the relationship is definitively over” breakup song. Seeing them play it at Riot Fest made me miss my late friend Luke; I wish he could have heard this.

18) Hot Water Music - “Never Going Back”

I’ve always maintained Chuck Ragan plays guitar and sings songs like a running back. Well, this song carpe diem’s me enough to play actual running back*.

(* - jk, would never do this unless it was against very small children)

17) Lucky Boys Confusion - “Good Luck”

My hometown heroes released their comeback album in 2017, and I’m not sure any track sums up the effort better. By the time Adam sings “Burned out, they call us / Screw ‘em, we got endless memories / Punk rock and the polish / I hope it gave you something to believe”, there are no dry eyes left.

(And yes, this could totally be an AM Taxi song, but with Ryan Fergus’ killer-fills-only drumming, I’m glad it wasn’t.)

16) Hodera - “Baltimore”

This song would likely have a Top 5 objective approval rating of any on the list.

...“The Wire” forever.

15) Iron Chic - “A Headache With Pictures”

It ain’t heavy, it ain’t heaven

If Hot Water Music is carpe diem, what is Iron Chic -- seize the life?! My favorite description of the band came from Sam Sutherland, who tweeted: “Whose day has already been derailed by the unavoidably weighty introspection of listening to the new Iron Chic record.”

They are a certified run-through-brick-walls outfit. One of my final 2017 memories of this song was subtweeting “Now I know” the night I got engaged and having my buddy Ricky think she might’ve declined the proposal. May have to include a ring emoji next time.

14) The Flatliners - “Indoors”

Had to listen to this, like, five or six times before its brilliant greatness overtook me like falling into a river. The chorus is so, so heartfelt.

Don’t sleep on the video, either (especially the end).

13) Sylvan Esso - “Die Young”

Though I have tickets to see them for the first time in 2018, I am not mega-versed in the catalogue of Sylvan Esso. But this feels like their best song. Imagine if Romeo and Juliet turned out OK.

12) Oso Oso - “Shoes (The Sneaker Song)”

Jade from Oso Oso would likely want all of the above stylized in lowercase -- but this ain’t Jade’s list. This was my favorite new band of 2017, and I do believe they made the year’s best album. It’s early-2000s emo at times, pop punk at others, and all ear candy.

11) Sincere Engineer - “Corn Dog Sonnet No. 7″

Staying in the new artist lane, I proudly introduce Sincere Engineer. This band sounds like if Modern Baseball had a little sister. By the time singer Deanna Belos sings “I’m still learning how to be”, you want to pat her on the back and give her all your best advice.

Fantastic music video -- and she confirmed to me this past weekend that it’s real mustard, not puffy paint (“I have a towel that is all yellow from cleaning it up”).

10) new.wav - “Girls”

Alright, so stick with me on this: new.wav is the band, covering The 1975′s song “Girls” in the style of “Enema of the State”-era blink-182. Confused? Yeah, I was too, but check it out. Maybe more impressive than the arrangements/performance is how they were able to match blink’s production style -- no easy task.

9) Jay-Z - “Family Feud” (starts around 5:30; partial version)

Shawn Corey Carter wants to get right with everyone -- America, his peers, and, of course, within his own home. And though I may never understand the “New n****s is the reason I stopped drinkin’ Dos Equis” lyric, I’m on board with about all else. Similar to the Oso Oso record, “4:44″ is such an album that it feels unfair to single out a song to represent all of its parts. Stripped from the LP, the song does not hit as hard, but in the groove of the record, it’s the apex. And despite Hov seemingly desiring peace, the song does have more than a few call outs:

- “My stash can’t fit into Steve Harvey’s suit” - “And old n****s, y’all stop actin’ brand new / Like 2Pac ain’t have a nose ring too” - “Al Sharpton in the mirror takin’ selfies / How is him or Pill Cosby s’posed to help me?”

In the latter stages of his career, it’s hard to call everything Jay does ‘necessary’, but “4:44″ definitely checked that box.

8) Rozwell Kid - “Wendy’s Trash Can”

Vacillated all year between this one and “Michael Keaton” and literally flipped a penny my cousin Maggie loaned me to decide. “Wendy’s Trash Can” was heads.

7) The Weeknd - “Reminder”

This one got backdoored in as a latter single from The Weeknd’s 2016 album. One of my favorite parts about Abel is how little he has had to change to succeed. Sure, it’s silky smooth, but he hasn’t sacrificed the drugs, darkness, or ego that should offend (but doesn’t because it he pulls it off so well). After bragging early in the song about he won a kids award for singing about cocaine, he calls out peers for biting his sound, blings out his entire crew, and, well:

When I travel 'round the globe, make a couple mil' a show And I come back to my city, I fuck every girl I know

/clutches pearls

6) The Bombpops - “Be Sweet”

The guitar riff in this song is why I fell in love with punk music. Also, super cool story behind the lyrics:

“'Be Sweet' is an homage to our dear friend, the late Brandon Carlisle of the band Teenage Bottlerocket," vocalist Jen Razavi told AP. "Back in 2010, we were partying in a hotel room with Brandon and Ray Carlisle. There was a guitar in the room and Brandon was showing us an idea he had for a song. He had written it for his wife, but he told us we should play it and change the lyrics to 'getting rad with my boyfriend.' He wrote down all the lyrics on four sheets of hotel notepad paper. Since then, the melody and the chord progression were forgotten, but I still had the lyrics. So we wrote our own version of the song in the studio and used every single lyric that Brandon had written down.

Did I mention the video has an “In Bloom” feel? Stop reading, go listen.

5) Action Bronson - “Let Me Breathe”

Action Bronson ain’t givin’ nothin’ up. This is my pick for rap song of the year. It’s got TV brags (”I got two shows, I’m about to pitch another”), a tight chorus (”Let me breathe for a minute / White Range Rover blowin’ trees all in it”), and whimsy shit too (“Honey bouncin’ up and down, she nearly broke my dick”). Ghostface’s disciple is having more fun than just about anyone.

4) Japandroids - “North East South West”

Only a Canadian band could get me to care this much about my own country. The Vancouver duo penned an Americana ode to the road -- but there’s a twist... they talk about their cities too. For every New Orleans, there’s a Toronto. For every California, a Vancouver.

Maybe they’ll be the ones to end all the border wars.

3) Alex Lahey - “Every Day’s The Weekend”

This is the only submission on the list I’d feel comfortable calling a perfect song. Relatable themes, a chorus that’ll tangle you up, f-bombs in all the right places, and every part maximized. She has this way of weaving between cool confidence and youthful insecurity, all in the matter of one verse.

2) Carly Rae Jepsen - “Cut To The Feeling”

When it comes to “Call Me Maybe” and its legacy, I do not fuck around. This song gets really, really, really close. Just watch this dude.

Queen Carly blessed us with another one. The chorus soars, arms go up, and clouds are your closest companions.

1) The Menzingers - “After The Party”

It's the little things my mind commits / To etch behind my eyelids

When this song dropped, my buddy Dave Rokos called it his favorite Menzos song ever. That felt like high praise, but man, he might be dead on. “After The Party” rips me in half with its lyrics of palpable desperation:

Like a kaleidoscope in vibrant hues I navigate around your tattoos Said you got that one on a whim when you were breaking up with him And that Matryoshka Russian doll That lines your shelf from big to small What a way to start anew To shed your skin and find the old you

If Carly’s chorus flies, this one holds us down like gravity. You feel everything, you feel nothing, you feel full yet voided, but after all of this -- the life, the party, the friends, the bars, the experiences, the nights, the lights, the fights, the city you live in -- it’s still her and you. Or him and you. Or whatever it is you come home to at the end, when it’s finally quiet.

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weekendwarriorblog · 5 years ago

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The Weekend Warrior March 6, 2020 – ONWARD, THE WAY BACK, EMMA and MUCH More!

Thankfully, February ended pretty well as The Invisible Man fell just shy of my abridged $30 million opening prediction, but still, $29 million is pretty damn good, and the movie’s “B+” CinemaScore makes me think that it will do pretty well going into March even with another Blumhouse genre film opening next week. Oh, yeah, and A Quiet Place Part 2. Anyway, next week is next week. Let’s get to this week…

March kicks off with ONWARD, the latest animated movie from Disney’s Pixar Animation division, which his coming off its 10th Oscar in the Animated Feature category last month, as it launches its 23rd movie over the course of 25 years. It’s pretty amazing how far Pixar has come since it was launched with John Lasseter’s Toy Story way back in 1995, the company having amassed $6 billion in North America alone and $14.4 billion worldwide.

Onward is the new movie from Monsters University director Dan Scanlon, a fantasy involving two elf brothers, voiced by Tom Holland and Chris Pratt, who go on a quest to find magic that will help them bring back their dead father. The movie also features the voices of Julia Louis-Dreyfuss, Tracey Ullman, Lena Waithe, Octavia Spencer, Ali Wong and Mel Rodriguez.

This is Pixar’s first original movie since Coco in 2017, but it’s also the first movie released by the studio outside of the profitable summer and holiday box office seasons. It’s certainly a departure, but this will also be the third time where there are two Pixar movies in the same year. The last time this happened was in 2015 when the summer release Inside Out was another $350 million hit but it led to the November release of The Good Dinosaur, which to date is still Pixar’s lowest grosser even compared to 1998’s A Bug’s Life. Good Dinosaur opened with just $39 million over the normally-lucrative Thanksgiving weekend and only grossed $123 million domestic. The March release might make some wonder if Onward isn’t one of Pixar’s stronger offerings. (Pete Docter’s Soulis getting the studio’s higher profile summer release, but that’s what comes when you turn original movies like Up and Inside Out into blockbuster hits without the benefits of being a sequel.)

Having big stars like Pratt and Holland providing the main voices might normally help, especially in terms of getting publicity for the movie, although Holland just provided his voice for Fox’s animated Spies in Disguise with an equally big star like Will Smith and that only grossed $66 million after opening last Christmas.

A last-minute boost for Onward might come from the fact that it’s preceded by a brand new “The Simpsons” short, another benefit from the massive purchase of Fox and its properties by Disney last year. That and the Pixar brand should drive business opening weekend, which should be good for roughly $50 million even with stronger family films like Call of the Wild and Sonic the Hedgehog, which will step aside to give Onward the required berth. I’m not sure Onwardwill achieve the $200 million benchmark of other non-Pixar sequels but it should be good for around $160 to 170 million with a bump from schools having spring break in March. (I’m not going to start presuming that the current corona scare might impact moviegoing, at least not just yet, although it’s something that needs to be kept in mind.)

Having not seen Onward yet, I don’t have that much more to say, but I have good news, and it’s that I’ve been invited to see Disney’s Mulan, so a.) I’ll have a review for you, and b.) I’ll hopefully have more insightful thoughts on that movie’s box office since I’ll have seen it.

The other wide release this weekend is the second team-up between Ben Affleck and director Gavin O’Connor, following their 2016 hit The Accountant. Unlike that thriller, THE WAY BACK (Warner Bros.) is more of an inspirational drama about a man trying to overcome addiction to find redemption. Affleck plays Jack Cunningham, a former high school basketball star struck down by alcoholism, who is given another chance to coach his old high school basketball team. The drama comes from whether he can overcome his demons to find redemption. It wouldn’t be a particularly inspirational movie if he doesn’t.

Oddly,The Way Back is a far more common type of March release than Onward but it is also Affleck’s second attempt at a comeback, having recovered from the bombs of the mid-00s to find favor as a director with the Oscar Best Picture winner Argo, which followed a decent-sized hit with 2010’s The Town. Unfortunately, Affleck’s 2016 movie Live By Night bombed really badly, countering the success he had as Batman in Zack Snyder’s Batman v Supermanand in 2016’s The Accountant, which grossed $86.3 million. The fact that Justice League made $100 million less than Batman v Superman got Affleck replaced by Robert Pattinson in Matt Reeves’ The Batman, due out next year, so Affleck definitely has something to prove with this movie.

Besides reuniting Affleck and O’Connor, The Way Back also has a chance to draw in older males by being set in the world of basketball, as we’ve seen movies like Coach Carter, starring Samuel L. Jackson, open big with $24.8 million over the MLK Jr. weekend in 2005. On the other hand, Disney opened the basketball drama Glory Road, starring Josh Lucas, on the same weekend and that opened with half that amount. O’Connor is no stranger to inspirational feel-good sports movies having directed Disney’s Miracle about the 1980 US hockey team, which ended up grossing $64 million after a $19 million opening in 2004. Obviously, these are all movies that are nearly 15 years old, and it’s harder to find more recent sports hits unless you look to the world of faith-based dramas, and maybe Warner Bros. hopes that crowd will be out for this story of redemption.

I wish I had more confidence in this film, although I generally have never been a very big Affleck fan, and I’m not sure if this is the kind of movie that will entice older males in the same way as The Accountant (which I didn’t like, mind you). I’d like to think that the movie can do somewhere in the range of Thunder Road’s $13 million opening, but I have a feeling that this will end up closer to $10 to 11 million this weekend and will have to rely on word-of-mouth if it wants to maintain business through a month with a lot of strong offerings to come.

Mini-Review: On paper, The Way Back would seem like a very obvious movie, both for Ben Affleck and also for director Gavin O’Connor, who has dealt with inspirational sports movies and those seeking redemption. (Warrior is still one of my favorite films he’s made to date.)

We meet Affleck’s Jack Cunningham as he’s still on a low after splitting from his wife (Janina Gavankar) with a beer can always in hand, although we won’t find out what happened until much later. Out of the blue, Jack is called by the pastor of Bishop Hayes Catholic high school where Jack was the big star destined for greatness decades earlier. Even though he hasn’t touched a ball since then, Jack takes on the challenge of trying to turn things around for the worst team in the league. At the same time, he tries to help a few individual players and not get on the bad side of the chaplin with his constant swearing.

This is a great vehicle for Affleck and O’Connor, working from a script by Brad Ingelsby, whose screenplay for last year’s American Woman was another nice surprise. Affleck really has never been better in a role that allows him to pull from his own addiction and marital issues to create a fully-rounded character. The way O’Connor shoots the basketball games and the progress of the team keeps things exciting.

The only significant problem with the movie is that the first 2/3rds of it seems like two separate movies, one involving Jack trying to bring Bishop Hayes back from being the worst team in the league and the other being Jack’s alcohol problems. The two sides of the movie rarely intersect for a good chunk of the movie.

The real surprises come in the film’s last act where we think everything is going great and can’t imagine things could get bad again for Jack… and of course, they do. I won’t say about how and what happens, but when you’ve spent the whole movie watching him do something so inspiring, it’s a little deflating to be brought back down to reality.

Sure, The Way Back may be predictable (to a point) but it’s a damn good version of the movie that you’re expecting, offering a big-time tug on the heart strings. Rating: 8/10

Hitting theaters nationwide this weekend – roughly 1,500 theaters -- is the new Jane Austen adaptation EMMA. (Focus Features), starring Anya Taylor-Joy and Bill Nighy. The movie has done pretty well platforming, but it will be a tougher sell as it expands into regions outside major cities, so the per-theater average will fall quite a lot since last weekend. I think it should be good for $2 to 3 million which will allow it to place in the top 10 but we’ll have to see how it fares before expecting much more of an expansion.

Also, Sony Pictures Classics is planning to expand Michael Winterbottom’s Greed, starring Steve Coogan, into a nationwide release, but who knows if that’s 400 theaters, 500 theaters or more? (UPDATE: Theater count is confirmed at 596 so I’m sticking with my earlier prediction of $1.2 million.) I’m not sure they should go very wide with a $7,124 per-theater average this past weekend (worse than Searchlight’s Wendy), so I don’t think it will make enough to crack the top 10 this weekend even with a fairly low entry point.

This week’s Top 10 should look something like this…

1. Onward (Disney-Pixar) - $51 million N/A

2. The Invisible Man (Universal) - $16.3 million -44%

3. The Way Back (Warner Bros.) - $10.5 million N/A

4. Sonic the Hedgehog (Paramount) - $8.5 million

5. The Call of the Wild (20thCentury) - $6.8 million

6. Emma. (Focus Features) - $3 million +71% (up .8 million)*

7. My Hero Academia: Heroes Rising (FUNimation) - $2.7 million

8. Bad Boys for Life (Sony) - $2.4 million

9. Harley Quinn: Birds of Prey (Warner Bros) - $2.3 million

10. The Impractical Jokers Movie (TruTV) - $1.6 million -55%

-- Greed (Sony Pictures Classics) - $1.2 million

*UPDATE: Keeping most of my predictions the same except that I’m giving a little bump to Focus’ Emma, since it should act as decent counter-programming to the other new movies.

LOCAL FESTIVALS

The big festival kicking off in New York this week is the annual “Rendezvous with French Cinema” up at Film at Lincoln Center, which runs from this Thursday through March 15. It kicks off on Thursday with Hirokazu Kore-eda’s first French language film The Truth as the opener with stars Juliette Binoche and Ethan Hawke introducing the film at 6:30pm after doing a separate conversation earlier (only standby available for the conversation and early screening but tickets available for the 9:15pm screening sans introduction). I’ll probably write more about this next week when it gets its limited release, but the two actors play a couple who come to France to spend time with her actress mother Fabienne (played by the amazing Catherine Deneuve) who is publishing her contentious memoirs. The other movie I’ve seen which I liked a little more is Quentin Dupieux’s quirky Deerskin, starring Jean Dujardin (The Artist), which also opens theatrically this month. I wasn’t able to catch Alice Winocour’s Proxima, starring Eva Green and Matt Dillon, but hopefully that will be one of the films that finds distribution, as many of the “Rendezvous” offerings, this festival might be the only time to see them. Other returning filmmakers include Cédric Klapisch, Bruno Dumont, as well as Christophe Honoré’s On a Magical Night with Cannes winner Chiara Mastoianni in attendance, plus more. Click on the link above for the full rundown.

LIMITED RELEASES

This is a pretty decent for limited release, so if you’re in New York or L.A. and have already seen some of the expanding movies or aren��t interested in the new wide releases, you have a LOT of other options… and that’s even before we get to the repertory stuff below. There are just way too many limited releases coming out the next couple weekends.

I’m gonna do something a little different this week. Instead of picking just one “Featured Movie,” I’m gonna go with a “Featured Theater” since two decent movies are opening at New York’s Film Forum this coming week. (Plus it begins a new Hitchcock series, which you can read about in the repertory section below.)

We’ll begin with SORRY WE MISSED YOU (Zeitgeist/Kino Lorber) – opening at Film Forum Weds. and in L.A. at the Landmark Nuart on Friday. It’s the new film from director Ken Loach, who has an amazing filmography of British “kitchen sink” dramas but also great historical films like The Wind That Shakes the Barley. Loach’s last film I, Daniel Blake was in my top 5 a few years back and Sorry I Missed You is very much a follow-up, once again dealing with Brits struggling with the system to make a living. In this case, it’s Kris Hitchen’s Ricky Turner and his wife Abbie (Debbie Honeywood) as he signs on for a “zero-hour” job delivering packages, a system that requires working longer hours. Meanwhile, Abbie is working just as hard as a home care worker. As they struggle to make a living, their teenage son is skipping school and getting into trouble.

Although as a freelance writer, I could definitely relate to the idea of having to work extra-hard in order to earn enough money to survive, especially in the jobs I was doing getting paid by piece which was never helpful in making ends meet. Seeing how the package delivery industry in northern England is used to take advantage of individuals is partially what keeps things interesting. Like The Way Back, you sort of expect things to get bad for Ricky, especially in regards to his son, but there’s a certain point where you think he’s gonna crash his van cause he’s so exhausted. It doesn’t happen but what happens next is almost worse than that. Either way, it’s another decent movie from Loach (and regular writer Paul Laverty), maybe not as good as I, Daniel Blake but still worthwhile.

From China comes THE WILD GOOSE LAKE (Film Movement), the new film from Daio Yinan (Black Coal, Thin Ice), which is quite a different film for Mr. Yinan, starring Hu Ge as mob leader Zhou Zenong, who gets into a feud with another local gang leader, ends up killing a police officer in the ensuing mayhem and ends up hiding out in the area of Wuhan known as Wild Goose Lake, becoming entangled with Gwei Lun-Mei’s Liu. This is another interesting take on the crime noir genre from Zenong, one that maybe gets a little more artsy-fartsy than Black Coal but one that also veers further into genre territory, particularly with some of the violence and bloodshed involved. It offers further proof that Yinan is a true master of cinematic storytelling since it’s so unlike the many other Chinese crime films that have come from both Hong Kong and the mainland. This one is quite the film, although I still recommend seeking out Black Coal if you ever have the chance. This one will open at the Film Forum on Friday. (While you’re going to the Film Forum, check out Corneliu Porumbiou’s crime-thriller The Whistlers, which I watched over the weekend, and it’s quite different from many other Romanian films I’ve seen, not only because it’s under 2 hours.)

Next up is THE BURNT ORANGE HERESY (Sony Pictures Classics), Giuseppe Capotondi’s adaptation of Charles Willeford’s book, starring Claes Bang from The Square and The Girl in the Spider’s Web as art critic James Figueras, who is giving lectures in Italy when he meets Elizabeth Debicki’s Berenice. It’s a meeting that turns into a fast relationship that has them both in bed, and when James is called to the mansion of a rich Italian art lover named Cassidy (played by Mick Jagger), he brings Berenice along with him. Once there, James learns that Cassidy has become the benefactor for reclusive artist Jerome Debney, played by Donald Sutherland, whose entire body of work was destroyed in a fire. Cassidy has gotten James an exclusive interview with Debney with the condition that he gets one of Debney’s in-demand paintings out of the deal. I’m not really a fine art fanatic nor have I read Willeford’s book, but I found this to be an interesting dramatic thriller in the vein of The Talented Mr. Ripley as you watch this cat-and-mouse game being played between the characters. Sutherland is pretty awesome as Debney, who flirts with Berenice while playing mind games with James, and the way these dynamics play out is what makes this film better than other art-driven films. As you watch this movie, you’ll probably realize that Claes Bang really should be playing a James Bond villain and then Mick Jagger appears on screen with him and you REALLY think that Jagger should have played a Bond villain anytime in the last few decades as he’s great at playing devious. This is another great release from Sony Classics in a year where they seem to be turning things around from the last couple years. So far, besides this, I’ve also liked Greed, The Traitor and The Climb, which will be released later this month.

Having been delayed from its intended December release due to many controversies, George (The Adjustment Bureau) Nolfi’s THE BANKER (Apple+) will finally hit select theaters for a few weeks before launching on Apple+ on March 20. It stars Anthony Mackie as Bernard Garrett, a young genius growing up black pre-Civil Rights and dealing with the Jim Crow racism in his hometown of Texas, so he moves to Los Angeles and becomes heavily involved in the real estate business. Eventually, he finds a partner in Samuel L. Jackson’s Joe Morris, a club owner with money and a good amount of real estate experience himself. Slowly, they begin buying up buildings in downtown L.A. using the ambitious white Max Steiner (Nicholas Hoult) as their frontman, while letting affluent black people in to build a community and Bernard decides it’s time to buy the bank in his old Texas hometown. That’s where things start going wrong, but I won’t get too deep into the story. This is a decent film from Nolfi with particularly strong performances from Mackie and Jackson, as well as Nia Long as Garrett’s wife. It’s very reminiscent of Spike Lee’s BlackKklansman with a similar level of humor despite being about a serious subject. It does hit a bit of a lull when the story moves back to Texas and the trio’s dealings with the banks, and it gets a little bogged down in all the numbers, but it does end up delivering a decent true-life story that will be of interest.

Kelly Reichardt’s latest period piece is FIRST COW (A24), set in the Pacific Northwest during the time of the Gold Rush as a cook (John Magaro) encounters a Chinese immigrant (Orion Lee) in the Oregon Territory and the two of them hatch a money-making scheme to sell biscuits using stolen milk from a local landowner’s prized cow. Although I have not really been a fan of Reichardt’s work, even her historic film Meek’s Cutoff, I think with this movie she really finds her footing with two great actors/characters and a story that’s fairly intriguing in its own right. I wasn’t too crazy with how the film ended (foreshadowed by the film’s opening framing device) but it’s one of Reichardt’s few films where I didn’t get bored or lose interest, so that’s certainly sayin’ something. What’s even more impressive is that two local theaters (BAM, MOMI) held repertory series in conjunction with the release of First Cow and apparently, other cities are doing the same.

From Brazil comes BACURAU (Kino Lorber), Kleber Mendonça Filho and Juliano Dornelles’s odd genre film that’s based around a small village in the Brazilian equivalent of the Outback, a remote place whose matriarch Carmelita has just passed away at the age of 94. There are forces at work trying to drive the villagers out of their homes, including putting a dam to cut off their water supply, but things get stranger when a nearby farmer and his family end up dead, which leads to a twist that takes the film directly into genre territory. I don’t want to say too much about what happens but it involves Udo Kier and a lot of weapons… Bacurau opens at the IFC Center downtown and Film at Lincoln Center uptown (with QnAs at the latter, which is also holding a “Mapping Bacurau” series starting March 13.)

Carlo Mirabella-Davis’ SWALLOW (IFC Films) stars Haley Bennett as a newly-pregnant housewife married to her perfect husband Richie (Austin Stowell, who recently appeared in Fantasy Island), but as she tries to please him and his parents, she starts developing a dangerous habit in the form of a disorder called pica that has her compulsively swallowing inedible objects. Okay, then. It will open at the IFC Center, the Laemmle Monica Film Center and as well as On Demand and digital. Bennett won an award for her acting at last year’s Tribeca Film Festival, but I somehow missed it.

Next, we have a trio of films opening at New York’s Village East Cinema and a few other theaters both in New York and select cities:

I really wanted to like Mike Ahern and Enda Loughman’s Irish horror-comedy EXTRA ORDINARY (GDE) more, since the trailer really made it seem like something I might enjoy. In the movie, Maeve Higgins plays Rose, a smalltown driving instructor who has supernatural talents who is called upon by Barry Ward’s Martin Martin, whose daughter is being used by a former rock star (played by Will Forge) who needs a virgin to commit a Satanic pact to regain his fame. The movie just seemed rather silly and not nearly as funny as the trailer makes it seem, but maybe it would be better seing it with an audience.

Another movie that looks good (and I hope to watch soon) is Ricky Tollman’s directorial debut, the political thriller Run This Town (Oscilloscope), which stars Ben Platt (from Pitch Perfect), Mena Massoud, Nina Dobrev, Scott Speedman, Jennifer Ehle and Damian Lewis, quite an impressive cast. Platt plays Bram, a young journalist who becomes entangled in a political scandal with his political aide friend Kamal (Massoud) after catching the latter’s city hall boss doing something bad that can help the former’s career.

Also opening this weekend at the Village East and other cities, Anna Akana stars in Emily Ting’s semi-autobiographical Go Back to China (Gravitas Ventures) playing a spoiled rich girl named Sasha Li, who is forced by her father to return to China after blowing through her trust fund. Once there, Sasha finds herself by reconnecting with her estranged family and getting into toy designing. I haven’t watched this yet but the trailer looks cute, and I might have to make an effort to watch this.

Sadly, I had to refrain mentioning Daniel Radcliffe’s previous movie released last week, but he stars in another one this weekend, Francis Annan’s Escape from Pretoria (Momentum) based on Tim Jenkins’ autobiography “Inside Out: Escape from Pretoria Prison,” a thriller about the attempt by two political captives to break out of prison during apartheid South Africa. It also stars Daniel Webber, Ian Hart, Mark Leonard Winter and Nathan Page.

A few other films I haven’t had a chance to watch include William Nicholson’s Hope Gap (Roadside Attractions), starring Annette Bening and Bill Nighy with Bening playing Grace, a woman who learns her husband (Nighy) is leaving her after 29 years and how that break-up affects their grown son (Josh O’Connor).

Freida Pinto and Leslie Odom Jr. star in Takashi Doscher’s Only(Vertical Entertainment) in which a comet releases a deadly virus that attacks all the women in the world forcing the two of them into hiding in their apartment from the savages hunting the surviving women. That’s a pretty strange premise that sounds like the opposite of the comic book series “Y the Last Man.” If only there was enough time to watch half the movies opening this weekend.

I accidentally included D.W. Young’s doc The Booksellers (Greenwich) in last week’s column, but it actually opens at the Quad in New York and other cities this Friday. It takes a look behind the scenes at the world of rare books with appearances by Parker Posey, Fran Lebowitz and Gay Talese.

From Bollywood comes BAAGHI 3 (FIP), Ahmed Khan’s martial arts action movie, starring series regular Tiger Shroff (who is filming a Bollywood remake of Rambo!) and Ritesih Deshmukh as brothers Ronnie and Vikram, the latter being kidnapped and beaten while abroad for work and Ronnie seeking revenge. Shraddha Kapoor returns after starring in the first movie of this action series.

Other movies, mostly hitting On Demand (with limited theatrical) include Transference (Epic Pictures), which opens in L.A. on Friday and hits On Demand next Tuesday, Final Kill (Cinedigm), Beneath Us (Vital Pictures) and Seven Stages to Achieve Eternal Bliss (MarVista Entertainment).

STREAMING AND CABLE

Some big stuff hitting the streaming…um… streams this weekend, including director Peter Berg and Mark Wahlberg’s latest collaboration, the action-thriller SPENSER CONFIDENTIAL on Netflix. I have really enjoyed this duo’s collaborations in the past, including Patriots Day, Deepwater Horizon and Lone Survivor. (Mile 22 was a bit of a disappointment, considering how great those other three were.) This one has Wahlberg playing the title character Spenser, an ex-cop who teams with his roommate Hawk (Winston Duke from Usand Black Panther) to take down criminals responsible for killing two Boston police officers.

Equally exciting is the launch of Alex Garland’s new sci-fi series Devs, which will launch on FX on Hulu on Thursday. This is a really terrific premise from the director of Ex Machina and Annihilation with a fantastic cast that includes an amazing cast that includes Nick Offerman, Alison Pill, Jin Ha, Cailea Spaeny, Stephen McKinley Henderson and more.

Also launching this week on Hulu is Nanette Burstein’s documentary Hillary (Hulu), which followed former Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton over the course of her 2016 U.S. presidential campaign. The movie just premiered at Sundance in January to raves.

Steven Spielberg’s revival of his popular ‘80s anthology series Amazing Stories will debut on Apple TV+ this Friday with the first episode, “The Cellar.”

REPERTORY

Before we get to the regular repertory stuff, I want to mention that Satoshi Kon’s classic 2003 anime Tokyo Godfathers will get a nationwide theatrical release via Fathom Events with Monday night, March 9, being the original subtitled version while Weds. the 11th, there will be a dubbed version.

METROGRAPH (NYC):

The big debut this week is the Metrograph Pictures release of the restored version of Fruit Chan’s 1997 classic Made in Hong Kong, which has never been released in the United States! Apparently it was also the first movie released in Hong Kong after it received independence in 1997. It’s an interesting crime tale that deals with the relationship between three young people, hoodlum August Moon, who collects debts for a local loan shark, his dim-witted friend Sylvester and Ping, an attractive but troubled young girl who begins a relationship with August. It also deals with the death of a young girl who seemingly jumped off a roof and the three of them trying to solve the case and get a few letters she left behind to those they were meant for. If you can imagine a cross between River’s Edge, Me and Earl and the Dying Girland the recent Peanut Butter Falcon, all set in the gritty street crime culture of 1997 Hong Kong, then you can only begin to imagine what you’re in for, but it’s an amazing film and nothing you would ever see made or released in the U.S., so good on Metrograph for picking up the distribution rights and getting it out to the world.

On Sunday, Metrograph regular Alex Ross Perry will be showing Peter Hyams’ 1974 film Busting, but on Saturday, actor Chiara Mastroianni, who will be in town for “Rendezvous with French Cinema” (see above) will show her “Dream Double Feature” of Dino Risi’s 1962 film Il Sorpasso and Charles Laughton’s psychological horror classic The Night of the Hunter (1955).

This weekend’s Late Nites at Metrograph is Fassbinder’s 1972 film The Bitter Tears of Petra Von Kant and apparently, the “Playtime: Family Matinees” has been replaced with “Metrograph Matinees” on Saturday and Sunday, which includes some less kid-friendly fare. For instance, this weekend, they’re showing Jean-Luc Godard’s Weekend (1967), which I’m assuming isn’t for the kiddies.

ALAMO DRAFTHOUSE BROOKLYN (NYC)

Tonight’s “Weird Wednesday” is Robocop 2, while next week’s “Terror Tuesday” is the 1989 giallo Paganinni Horror, starring Donald Pleasance, and “Weird Wednesday” is the 1985 action film Sword of Heaven.

Over on the West Coast, Alamo Drafthouse Cinema Downtown Los Angeles will screen 1968’s Wild in the Streetsas it’s “Weird Wednesday.” Saturday’s “Kids Camp” is The Shaun the Sheep Movie and then Sunday is a Brunch screening of The Brady Brunch. Marc Bernarndin’s Monday “The Minority Report” screening is Joss Whedon’s 2005 film Serenity. Next week’s “Terror Tuesday” is Kathryn Bigelo’s Near Dark and then the “Weird Wednesday” is Bobcat Goldthwait’s 2011 dark comedy God Bless America

THE NEW BEVERLY (L.A.):

Weds’ afternoon matinee is Clint Eastwood’s High Plains Drifter (1973), while the Weds/Thursday night double feature is The Man Who Would Be King (1975) with Zulu Dawn (1979). The “Freaky Fridays” matinee is Paul Verhoeven’s Starship Trooper (1997) and then we’re into the weekend with Friday/Saturday double features of Blake Edwards’ The Return of the Pink Panthe r(1975) and The Pink Panther Strikes Again (1975), both starring Peter Sellers as Inspector Clouseau. The weekend’s “Kiddee Matinee” is Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Princeand the Saturday midnight screening is Hal Ashby’s fantastic Harold and Maude. Sunday and Monday will continue the Blake Edwards love with 1965’s The Great Race with one of the greatest all-star casts of the decade. On Monday afternoon you can see the classic House Partyfrom 1990 and then Tuesday’s Grindhouse is David Cronenberg’s The Brood (1979) with Scalpel (1977).

FILM FORUM (NYC):

The big rep series beginning this week on Wednesday and running through March 19 is “The Women Behind Hitchcock,” mostly focusing on Hitchcock’s relationship with wife and editor Alma Reville and secretary Joan Harrison. The series includes Hitchcock classics like Rebecca (1940) and The Lady Vanishes (1938), as well as Robert Siodmak’s 1944 film Phantom Lady (produced by Harrison) as well lots more. This weekend’s “Film Forum Jr.” is Jim Henson’s Muppet Treasure Island (1996) and Friday is a screening of Claude Lelouch’s Oscar-winning 1966 film A Man and a Woman with Lelouch in person. (That’s already sold out online but will have a standby line.)

EGYPTIAN THEATRE (LA):

Thursday offers an encore screening of the Russian film Come and Seeand then Friday begins “Noir City Hollywood: the 22ndAnnual Los Angeles Festival of Film Noir” with a double feature of The Beast Must Die (1952) with Gilda (1946) and then Saturday offers a TRIPLE FEATURE of Fritz Lang’s 1931 M, Joseph Losey’s 1951 remake M and El Vampiro Negro, the 1953 Spanish Language. That’s a LOT of “M”s. Saturday night in the Spielberg Theater, “Joe Dante’s 16mm Spotlight” will screen Brian De Palma’s 1968 film Murder À La Mod. Sunday offers two Film Noir double features, two from Robert Siodmak: The Devil Strikes at Night (1957) and Fly-by-Night (1942) and then the Korean noir The Housemaid (1960) with My Name is Julia Ross (1945). Meanwhile, the AERO will mainly be doing the West Coast version of “Canada Now 2020,” and then on Monday, David Mamet will be on hand to show his film House of Gamesas part of “Noir City: Hollywood.”

QUAD CINEMA (NYC):

Horace B. Jenkins’ 1982 film Cane River continues through the weekend, as does Pandora and the Flying Dutchman and Brazilian filmmaker Bruno Barreto’s Donna Flor and Her Two Husbands (1976) plays Saturday night and then again a couple times next week.

MOMA (NYC):

Lots of new series this week including Modern Matinees: CicelyTyson, which will focus on the Tony, Emmy, honorary Oscar and Presidential Medal of Freedom honoree and her body of work with matinee screenings on Weds through Thursdays. It kicks off Weds with 1954’s Carib Gold, followed on Thursday by Fried Green Tomatoes (1991) and Friday’s screening of Rob Cohen’s 2012 movie Alex Cross. The latter might seem like a strange movie to screen at MOMA, but this week also begins In Character: Daniel Craig, which will cover the roughly two decade career of the British actor best known for playing James Bond. The latter begins on Tuesday night with a screening of his Bond debut, 2006’s Casino Royale, but then it will take a week off and be back next Weds for a repeat. SThe latter is delayed for a retrospective on Israeli journalist Efratia Gitai and her filmmaking son Amos Gitai’s work called “In Times Like These.”The weekend series includes 2009’s Carmel, 1986’s Esther, 1989’s Berlin-Jerusalem and 2002’s Kedma, as well as a staged reading of his mother’s letters.

ANTHOLOGY FILM ARCHIVES (NYC):

A new series begins Thursday called “1995: The Year the Internet Broke” with a mix of sci-fi films like Hackers, the anime Ghost in the Shell, Kathryn Bigelow’s Strange Days, The Net, Johnny Mnemonic, Virtuosity and more. It looks like a pretty solid series, while the more obscure Dusan Makavjev, Cinema Unbound through Sunday. Next Tuesday begins “The Cinema of Gender Transgression” begins with Neil Jordan’s 2005 film Breakfast on Pluto.

NITEHAWK CINEMA (NYC):

Williamsburg will show the Julia Roberts Oscar-winning Erin Brockovich and then the Friday night midnight offerings are Dan Bush’s newish The Dark Redand Ben Wheatley’s underrated 2012 movie Sightseers. Saturday morning screening is Joseph Mankiewicz’s All About Eve from 1950 but your other option is the ubiquitous Nicolas Cage in 1995’s Leaving Las Vegas. Monday night is a special screening of Anna Rose Holmer’s 2016 film The Fits as part of “Women’s Month.” (Next Tuesday night screening of Cage’s Gone in 60 Secondsis already sold out unfortunately.)

Over in Prospect Park, the Saturday brunch offering is Agnieszka Holland’s 1993 adaptation of The Secret Garden and then on Tuesday night is a screening of Hitchcock’s Rebecca (1940) as part of “Woman’s Month.”

MUSEUM OF THE MOVING IMAGE (NYC):

“See it Big! Outer Space” continues this weekend with screenings of Alfonso Cuaron’s Gravity on Friday and Sunday and Star Trek: The Motion Picture on Saturday, plus 2001: A Space Odyssey screens on Saturday afternoon, per usual.

BAM CINEMATEK (NYC):

Kelly Reichardt Selects: First Cow In Context ends on Wednesday with Melville’s Le Cercle Rouge.

IFC CENTER (NYC)

Weekend Classics: Luis Buñuel takes a couple more weekends off, while Waverly Midnights: Hindsight is 2020s is showing James McTeigue’s 2005 adaptation of Alan Moore and David Lloyd’s V for Vendetta. Late Night Favorites: Winter 2020 will show Tarantino’s Pulp Fiction.

ROXY CINEMA (NYC)

The Cage run continues with Paul Schrader’s 2016 movie Dog Eat Dog, co-starring Willem Dafoe,on Weds and 2011’s Drive Angry Thursday.

LANDMARK THEATRES NUART (LA):

Uh oh, this Friday’s midnight is…the 2019 disaster Cats!

Next week is a busy one with four new wide release ranging from Sony’s Bloodshot, starring Vin Diesel as the Valiant Comics hero, to Blumhouse’s The Hunt, the faith-based Lionsgate film I Still Believe and David Batista’s family comedy My Spy (STXfilms).

By the way, if you read this week’s column and have read this far down, feel free to drop me some thoughts at Edward dot Douglas at Gmail dot Com or send me a note on Twitter. I love hearing from readers!

#TheWeekendWarrior Onward TheWayBack Emma Movies Reviews LimitedReleases Streaming Repertory SorryWeMissedYou TheWildGooseLake

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xadoheandterra · 8 years ago

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Title: Salt and Sugar (Cont. 5) Fandoms: Overwatch | Marvel Characters: Ana Amari, Jesse McCree (peripherally Widowmaker, Tracer, Reaper, Soldier 76, and Sombra) Tags: Embarrassed Jesse McCree, Ana is a troll, musing on old relationships, Ana is an asshole, Ana is best bro, Ana is team mom Summary: Winston really should’ve performed a routine check on Tracer’s Chronal Accelerator. Maybe then this wouldn’t have happened.

Ana kept her hand arms wrapped tight around Jesse’s flesh-and-blood arm as they walked down the street. She let her lips curl at the stiff gait that came off of the boy, the only real sign of how uncomfortable he really was with Ana hanging off of him. She chuckled, leaned her head onto his shoulder, and hummed lightly.

“When did you get so big?” Ana mused lightly, and then laughed the way Jesse ducked his head.

“I jus’ kept growin’,” Jesse grumbled.

“You’re as tall as Jack and Gabe now,” Ana hummed. She pat lightly against his arm and took pity on him. Ana embarrassed him enough and so she gently pulled away. She did keep one arm clasped around him, but Ana didn’t lean so heavily on to him any further. The way Jesse seemed to relax made Ana smile at the least.

“An’ where are we going?” Jesse questioned, he tilted his hat low and looked to her out of the corner of his eyes. Ana gave him a small smile, patted his arm, and tilted her head up the street.

“See that building there?” Jesse looked toward where Ana gestured. “That’s the one.”

Jesse looked at the building under the lip of his hat and pressed his lips together. The building Ana pointed out looked a bit run down. The windows were in need of some repair, given the cracks along the front of the building and that’s just what Jesse could see from the outside. He didn’t want to think what a mess security wise the building would be in; Gabriel, Jack, and Ana would essentially put all of the shit jobs on getting the place up to par he could see it.

“Bit of a busy street,” Jesse noted calmly. Another frustrating point against the building, but then some of Blackwatch’s best safe houses were buried in the busiest part of town. People didn’t tend to notice you when they had far better things on mind that someone possibly wearing tactical gear.

“Oh quit your complaining,” Ana drawled. “The paperwork is almost done.”

“It’s a death trap,” Jesse grumbled, ducked his head low, and groaned when he saw the front stoop. He led Ana away from the building and down the street tiredly.

“Maybe so,” Ana mused, “but then it’s better than being a hotel room, is it not?” After two days of close proximity to not just Sombra, Lena, and Amélie, but also Jack and Gabriel and whatever pissing contest the two boys had, Ana knew Jesse longed for some space. She could see it in the way the boy twitched at every little conversation.

“I don’t know if I’d say better,” Jesse drawled, and Ana smacked him lightly on the shoulder. He laughed. “Nah, yer right,” Jesse agreed. “It’d give us somethin’ t’ do at least.”

“Knew you would see it my way,” Ana told him, a devious smile curled at her lips. Jesse faked a gasp and looked down at her, somewhat betrayed, and the aged Egyptian woman let out a sharp laugh. “Come, let us get some food for everyone.”

“Lord knows they’re all goin’ crazier then a hen house,” Jesse agreed tiredly.

“It can’t be easy, unable to step outside because of the stark differences.”

Jesse grunted.

“I’m jes’ lucky I can hide m’arm,” Jesse mumbled. “Can’t hide Jack’s visor.”

“No, and there aren’t many good options to hide Gabriel’s face, either,” Ana agreed.

“Then there’s Widowmaker—”

“Amélie, boy, use her name,” Ana said shortly and Jesse winced.

“Right. Sorry. Amélie’s skin’s all blue. An’ Lena’s got that thing she can’t go nowhere without,” Jesse wanted to scrub at his beard, but he kept his prosthetic limb as still as possible. Instead he closed his eye and let out a tired sigh. “Ain’t makin’ this mess any easier.”

Ana hummed. “We make do with what we have,” she said calmly. “Is that not what we’ve always done?”

Jesse grunted. “We ain’t some family, Ana.”

“Aren’t we though?” Ana tilted her head toward Jesse and raised her eyebrows. “Are you honestly telling me you don’t miss Gabriel? That you don’t still see him as a father figure?”

Jesse turned his head away and scowled. He didn’t know what he wanted to say. Yes he missed Gabriel, he missed the man who didn’t give him really any sort of choice at all—join Blackwatch and be a killer ‘for the good guys’, or go to jail and face a probable death penalty for all of his crimes in Deadlock—he missed the man who taught him how to use the skills Deadlock bashed into his skull in new and unique ways. Yeah Jesse also missed the way Gabriel would bicker with Jack, how they’d get into these petty little fights over nothing at all some days. He missed how protective Gabriel could be, how safe the man made him.

“That all ended in Switzerland,” Jesse said instead. Ana frowned.

“You don’t really believe that, do you?”

Jesse sighed. He ducked his head low and practically mumbled, “No.”

And there we go, Ana thought to herself. She’d watched her boys struggle for two days around each other. Gabriel and Jack and Jesse all twisted up in ways that only the could knot themselves into over the mess that happened in Switzerland. It made her sad that everything went to shit in such a horrible way, but even she could see the mess before them honestly was a long time in coming. There were more reasons than just Fareeha for why Ana didn’t bother to come back from the dead. She took on the name Shrike long before Jack became Soldier: 76 after all.

“Well then,” Ana hummed, “consider yourself recruited, McCree.” Jesse jerked his head around to look at her, eyes wide and mouth slipping slack jawed. “Our operation’s main goal is to get those two boys to deal with their feelings.”

“Gabe’ll kill me,” Jesse wheezed.

Ana waved her hand and shook her head, a pleased smile on her face. “Oh please he’ll do nothing of the sort. He might shoot you, though.”

“Same damn thing, Ana!”

“I’d be more worried about Jack,” Ana continued calmly. “He might actually try to kill you.”

“Jesus, Mary’n Joseph that is not helpin’,” Jesse wheezed, and Ana laughed. Oh how she missed this; she missed teasing the various agents and children that wandered Overwatch. She missed ribbing Blackwatch members, Gabriel, and Jack alike. Honestly Ana couldn’t be happier that Lena’s chronal accelerator was on the fritz. Maybe now her boys could actually get some honest healing in between them.

Ana knew they had to deal with the mess of Overwatch’s downfall and the Petras Act that came out in response. Ana knew they couldn’t leave things be the way they were, not with the number of dead on all of their minds. The tally marks grew taller and taller each year they lived on and their men did not. However unlike Jack and Gabriel Ana could tell that being apart the way they were wasn’t working. Oh yes working with Jack was a dream—she missed the good days of a small strike team that Overwatch used to be, back during the hell of the Omnic Crisis—but he was old, stubborn, and stuck in his beliefs. The boy tried to change, tried to meld the way he thought but without Gabriel there to push him—Ana never could quite push him the way Gabriel could—Jack just stagnated. Once they healed the rift between them, once they got onto the same page, then could the three of them get together and correct the mess they created.

“Come, Jesse,” Ana said; she filed her thoughts away. “Food.”

Jesse tipped his hat; without the hand it looked rather silly but Ana didn’t say anything. She teased the boy enough for now. He deserved a reprieve.

“Yes ma’am,” Jesse mumbled, and led them down the street towards the same place he’d gotten them take out from the past two days. Ana wondered if she should nudge him in a different direction—something more familiar perhaps?—but oh seeing Gabriel and Jack’s expression when they were given the same food again. Ah, decisions, decisions. A little chaos in return for eating the same food once more, or liven things up with something different…Ana mused on the merits of both as she tilted her head up to the sky. She hadn’t had this much fun in years.

#jesse mccree #ana amari #overwatch #fanfic #crossover #r76 #reaper ow #soldier 76 #gabriel reyes #jack morrison #sombra #widowmaker #tracer #marvel #fic: salt and sugar

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