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kayakiki · 11 hours ago

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RDR CHARACTERS IN WATER PARK | Headcanons

Characters: Arthur Morgan, John Marston, Dutch Van Der Linde, Hosea Matthews, Javier Escuella, Charles Smith, Sean McGuire, Sadie Adler, Lenny Summers, Bill Williamson, Micah Bell, Jack Marston

Warning(s): swearing, mentions of violence (nothing serious)

Arthur Morgan

Hates the idea of going but somehow gets dragged along.

Sits under an umbrella, fully clothed, eating overpriced hot dogs and muttering about "this whole thing bein’ a scam."

Secretly enjoys it but refuses to admit it.

Ends up having to save Jack (and his father) from the deep pool at least once.

Eventually gives in and goes down one big slide—yells the whole way but claims it was "fine."

John Marston

Acts like he's too good for waterparks but gets excited like a kid when he sees the slides.

Tries to show off by diving but bellyflops hard.

Constantly gets water in his eyes and rubs them dramatically while cursing.

Gets stuck in a tube slide and has to awkwardly crawl out.

Arthur warns him not to do something stupid—he does it anyway and regrets it immediately.

Dutch van der Linde

Insists on wearing a fancy robe and sunglasses, claiming he has a "plan" to maximize fun.

Tries to convince the lifeguards that VIP and welness section should be free for a "man of his stature."

Takes over the hot tub like it's his personal throne

Gets mad when someone splashes him and storms off to sunbathe dramatically.

Sadie Adler

First in line for the biggest, most dangerous slides.

Races kids up the stairs to get there first.

Does cannonballs into the pool and soaks everyone.

Bullies John into going on a slide he’s scared of, then laughs at his screams.

Starts an all-out water gun war and shows no mercy.

Javier Escuella

Casually floats in the lazy river, looking effortlessly cool.

Brings a guitar and tries to serenade women by the pool.

Somehow convinces the staff to let him drink margaritas in the hot tub.

Calls everyone else "ridiculous" while wearing stylish swim trunks and designer sunglasses.

Ends up sunbathing for way too long and gets horribly sunburned.

Charles Smith

Comes for the relaxation, stays because someone has to make sure nobody dies.

Ends up watching Jack, making sure he doesn't drown or get kidnapped by Dutch’s "fun plans."

Enjoys the sauna and hot tub but never stays in one place long because there’s always some chaos happening.

The only person who properly re-applies sunscreen and avoids sunburn.

Leaves early because "this place is too loud."

Bill Williamson

Refuses to wear sunscreen, turns bright red within an hour.

Complains that the water is "too cold" but eventually jumps in and splashes everyone like an overgrown toddler.

Somehow gets banned from the wave pool for roughhousing.

Gets stuck in an inner tube and yells at Javier to help him.

Ends up passed out in a deck chair, snoring loudly with a beer in hand.

Micah Bell

Pushes people into the pool when they least expect it.

Tries to start fights with lifeguards for no reason.

Steals someone’s sandals and throws them into the water for no reason.

Cuts in line at the slides and pretends he didn’t hear people yelling at him.

Somehow convinces Dutch to start a ridiculous waterpark heist plan that obviously fails.

Hosea Matthews

Brings a nice straw hat, sunglasses, and a book to actually relax.

Laughs at everyone else making fools of themselves.

Ends up helping Charles babysit because he’s the only responsible one.

Tries the wave pool once, gets tossed around mercilessly, and decides never again.

Buys a ridiculous amount of gifts and suveniers for Jack

Jack Marston

Runs everywhere even when the lifeguards tell him to stop.

Gets lost at least three times.

Wants to go on every ride but then chickens out halfway up the stairs.

Eats way too much ice cream and ends up with a stomachache.

Arthur begrudgingly carries him around at some point.

Sean MacGuire

Yells "WATER’S GRAND, LADS!" before doing the worst cannonball imaginable.

Purposely bellyflops off the diving board just to make everyone laugh.

Challenges people to races down the slides, then cheats by shoving them aside.

Tries to hit on lifeguards but gets ignored (or threatened with removal).

Steals Bill’s sunscreen just to watch him burn.

Somehow gets himself and Micah kicked out of the wave pool within an hour.

Lenny Summers

The only one who actually enjoys the waterpark like a normal person.

Loves the slides, the lazy river, the wave pool—he’s doing it all.

Races Sadie up the slide stairs and actually beats her once.

Gets caught in Sean’s nonsense at least three times but somehow never gets in trouble for it.

Ends up convincing Arthur to go on at least one slide and cheers when he actually does it.

Ends the day relaxed, slightly sunburned, and ready to come back sometimes

______________________________________________________________

Short story

It started as Dutch’s brilliant idea.

"Now, boys and girls" he said, standing at the entrance of the water park, adjusting his sunglasses like he owned the place. "We work hard. We struggle. But today, we relax. Today, we reclaim what is rightfully ours—a good time."

Arthur groaned. "Dutch, it’s a damn waterpark, not a heist."

"Everythin’ in life’s a heist, Arthur."

That was the last thing Dutch said before storming off toward the entrance, attempting to negotiate a "gang discount" with the cashier.

John insisted he wasn’t scared of the big slides. "I got this," he bragged, climbing the stairs to The Devil’s Drop, a near-vertical water slide.

Sadie smirked. "Go on then, tough guy."

John sat at the edge, gripping the rails. "Ain’t nothin’ to it."

"Sir, you need to let go," the lifeguard said.

John inhaled deeply. Released his grip.

And then—absolute regret.

His scream could be heard through the entire park. He hit the water so hard he disappeared for a second. When he finally surfaced, sputtering, Sean and Lenny were doubled over laughing.

Sadie clapped. "Good job, John! You looked real brave up there!"

"Shut up, Adler" John muttered, dragging himself out of the pool.

Sean, fueled by pure adrenaline and zero caution, challenged everyone to a race down the tube slides. "Bet none o’ ye can beat me!"

He shoved past Javier, ignored Bill’s warnings about "doin’ somethin’ stupid," and leaped into the slide face-first.

The problem?

Sean didn’t fit properly.

He got stuck halfway down.

For a full minute, the only sound coming from the slide was distant Irish swearing.

Then—he came flying out at the speed of death, tumbling into the pool like a ragdoll.

Javier, sipping a margarita, nodded. "That was tragic, amigo."

Bill just sighed. "I told him."

Arthur had zero intention of getting in the water. He sat under an umbrella, eating his third overpriced hot dog, muttering about how the park was a scam.

Then, Jack tugged at his sleeve.

"Arthur, will you go on the lazy river with me?"

Arthur sighed. "Fine. But only the lazy river."

A few minutes later, Arthur was floating in an inner tube, arms crossed, looking as grumpy as humanly possible.

"See?" Jack grinned. "It’s nice, huh?"

Arthur grunted. Then—SPLOOSH.

A tidal wave crashed over him.

"SEAN, YOU BASTA—"

Sean cackled as he sprinted off, having deliberately capsized Arthur with a cannonball.

Arthur climbed out of the water, dripping, murderous. "You’re dead."

Meanwhile, Dutch had fully taken over the VIP hot tub.

"This," he sighed, lounging with his sunglasses on, "is freedom, gentlemen."

The other guests in the hot tub, who had paid for access, looked deeply uncomfortable.

"Sir," a staff member said, "you’re not supposed to be here."

Dutch sat up. "Son, I am supposed to be here. See, I had a vision—"

"Sir, get out."

"...I have a plan."

"Sir."

Dutch sighed dramatically and reluctantly left, but not before whispering to Hosea, "This place is a prison."

Unlike the rest of the gang, who were already embarrassing themselves, Javier made himself comfortable by the main pool, ordering a margarita from the bar.

"Now this" he sighed, stretching out on a lounge chair, "is how you enjoy life."

It was all going well—until Sean showed up.

"Oi, Javier!" Sean slammed himself into the chair next to him, dripping wet. "Ye sittin’ ‘round flirtin’ with yerself, or ye gonna actually get in the water?"

Javier didn’t even look at him. "Some of us know how to enjoy a vacation properly."

Sean snorted. "Oh aye? Is that why you’re starin’ at that lass over there?"

Javier was indeed watching a beautiful woman lounging by the pool, flipping through a book. She looked up, meeting his gaze with a small smile.

Javier smirked. "I have charm, Sean. Something you wouldn’t understand."

Sean rolled his eyes. "Aye, well, go on then, Casanova. Let’s see it in action."

Javier pushed his sunglasses up and got to his feet, adjusting his shirt. He strolled over to the woman with all the confidence of a man who had never been rejected in his life.

Unfortunately, Bill chose this exact moment to slip on a puddle and fall directly into Javier, sending him crashing into the pool.

Javier surfaced, coughing, while Sean and Lenny absolutely lost it on the sidelines.

"Dios mío, Bill!" Javier wiped water from his face, glaring up at him.

Bill, still lying on the wet pavement, groaned. "Ain’t my fault!"

The woman Javier had been eyeing burst out laughing, trying to hide her face with the book she is reading.

Javier just sighed, running a hand through his soaked hair.

Sean patted his shoulder. "Better luck next time, lover boy."

Javier just splashed him in the face.

Micah, unsurprisingly, got banned immediately.

Within minutes of entering the water park, he had: - Started a splash war with random strangers - Attempted to ride Bill like a human floatie - Thrown a kid’s sandal into the lazy river

"Aw, c’mon, I was just havin’ fun," Micah complained as two lifeguards dragged him out.

"Sir, this is not the Wild West!"

"It damn well could be!"

He was banned. For life. (Much to everyone's relief)

While everyone else was causing mayhem, Lenny was actually having fun like a normal person.

He went on every ride. He actually listened to the rules. He even convinced Arthur to go down one slide.

Arthur screamed the entire way.

When Lenny saw Dutch dramatically sulking after being kicked out of the hot tub, he just sighed. "Why can’t we just have one normal day?"

By the time the park was closing, everyone was sunburned, exhausted, and soaked.

Bill was lobster-red. Sean was limping. John was still fuming over his failed dive.

Dutch sighed, arms crossed. "I had bigger dreams for today."

Arthur rubbed his temples. "Dutch, we got banned from the wave pool, lost Jack for twenty minutes, and nearly drowned Sean. What more did you want?"

Dutch shook his head. "A waterpark of our own."

Arthur groaned. "We’re leaving."

And so, the Van der Linde gang left the water park —wet, sunburned, and banned from at least two attractions.

Would they return? Probably not.

Would Sean try to sneak back in?

Absolutely.

#red dead redemption 2 #red dead redemption #rdr2 #rdr #john marston #arthur morgan #javier escuella #dutch van der linde #hosea matthews #charles smith #sean macguire #micah bell #jack marston #sadie adler

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