#JUST GIVE ME MORE LESBIANS YOU COWARDS
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lindentea · 5 months ago
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a representation problem in the Hellaverse...
Yesterday I wrote a post about my feelings on the complete lack of polyamorous/non-monogamous relationships in Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel, but I wanted to talk about how both series are also severely lacking in lesbian and trans characters.
We have ONE trans character with multiple speaking lines (Sallie May), and she's a minor character. Angel and Fizz might be nonbinary/genderfluid, or might "just" be effeminate twinks (although those aren't necessarily mutually exclusive). And we have ONE recurring lesbian character (Vaggie). At least, it's generally assumed by the fandom that she's a lesbian, even though Vivzie has chosen not to canonize any of her characters' sexual orientations.
I do appreciate that there are a lot of trans imps in the background in Helluva Boss, and that it seems commonplace enough to be no big deal at all in imp society. I really hope that Sallie May returns a little more often.
There is only one sapphic relationship in either series. One!! Aside from Charlie, there aren't any other explicitly bi/pan female characters, either (except maybe in the background, or as an off-hand comment).
This feels like some kind of Bechdel Test variant, doesn't it... There are so many queer characters in both series-- plenty of characters who are gay, bi, pan, and ace-- errrrr... well aaaaaactuallyyy I just realized there's not much ace rep either, huh? There's Alastor, and mayyybee Striker. Striker could certainly be ace and squicked out by sex, orrrr he could just be increasingly pissed off that his attempts to be scary and threatening keep getting foiled by his targets turning the tables on him with sexual innuendos, lol. It's honestly unclear. And if a character is neither in a relationship, nor do they actually ever mention that they're ace, it's... pretty hard to definitively say.
I still love both series, and I love the rampant queerness, and I don't want the number of gay/bi male characters/pairings to decrease (representation is not a pie chart), but man... Throw us lesbians/sapphics and trans peeps a bone, plz? Maybe take a few lessons from Steven Universe?
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zoolitsky-fandom · 6 months ago
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MORE HEADCANONS BECAUSE I’M ALL POWERFUL
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Please don’t get upset if you disagree with any of these!! This is just how I see the characters ^^ More context about the headcanons under the cut!
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Nami
Transfem lesbian!!
Basically married to Vivi (who isn’t pictured but she gives me demigirl bisexual energy with a preference to girls)
CHUBBY BECAUSE I SAY SO!!!!! 🧡🧡🧡
And she’s still beautiful and wonderful and Sanji still simps for her. Chubby people are gorgeous
She’s technically pale but tanned a bit from being outside so much
Aaand bandaid because she’s literally just a normal girl and is susceptible to minor injuries unlike the other weird built different ppl on the crew (aside from Usopp)
sPEAKING OF USOPP!!! She’s absolute besties with him like they talk about everything and anything and gossip and all that jazz. They’re so special to me.
I’m not sure if bipolar fits entirely, but there’s definitely something with her mood swings and the intensity of her emotions. If this is insensitive at all please inform me
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Chopper
Agender aroace reindeer fella??? SiGN ME UP
Both male and female reindeers have antlers so I used that to my advantage because gender silly
I think Chopper uses they/he/it, but slightly prefers to be referred to by their name rather than pronouns
Chopper has attachment issues, but I couldn’t find anything other than avoidant attachment disorder (which doesn’t seem entirely fitting). But it definitely gets very attached to others when it trusts them and has a hard time moving on.
Also I just like to draw Chopper more reindeer-like than Chopper’s canon design but aside from that I don’t really make too many design changes? Just… floofy Chopper… 🩷🩷🩷
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Usopp
Panromantic asexual!!
Down bad for Sanji (he has terrible taste /j)
I had a revelation after drawing this so Usopp isn’t actually cis lol- they’re a demiboy but in a genderfluid kind of way, some days he feels more masculine and other days they feel more androgynous
I have very mixed feelings about the hair highlights,, I lowkey might not keep them but it was an experiment
FRECKLES!!! USOPP HAS FRECKLES PASS IT ON PASS IT ON!!!! 💛💛💛 Bandaid like Nami because!! They’re literally just a normal teenager!!!
Usopp has anxiety and borderline personality disorder because the feelings of superiority and inferiority? The constant fear? Being immune to Perona’s ghosts from dealing with mental illness their entire life???
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Luffy
Asexual grayromantic
If he had a partner it would be gay regardless of his own gender expression (I’m projecting because I feel gay when I’m attracted to anyone)
Genderfluid, some days they prefer different pronouns but most of the time they use all at once (also is this ironic bc Luffy can’t swim but is swimming in fluid pronouns)
King of the pronouns!!! King of the genders!!! Will steal your pronouns and gender!!! Watch out!!!
I gave her vitiligo on a whim to be 100% honest, but I feel like it’s very fitting and also very fun to draw ❤️❤️❤️
I only did a headshot here because I have another post with a bunch of other drawings of this Luffy
I feel like I don’t need to explain but Luffy is very very AuDHD to me
He has so much energy and is easily distracted and gets really focused on things and likes to talk about anything and everything
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Sanji
Bisexual-est guy on the planet (loves all boobs /hj)
Down bad for Usopp (they have great taste)
Demiboy but in an interchangeable kinda bigender way, he’s just both enby and male at the same time
Darker roots!! Sanji’s body hair is always notably darker than his blonde hair so I decided on darker roots
CURLY/WAVY FLUFFY HAIR SANJI SUPREMACY 💙💙💙
Depression—WHICH THEY ALL OBVIOUSLY HAVE BUT
Depression in the sense it’s the reason he smokes. It’s a kind of coping mechanism.
It makes them dazed enough that they don’t have to fully feel their own despair
GIVE HIM HEALTH PROBLEMS ODA YOU COWARD. I KNOW HE’S UNREASONABLY BUILT DIFFERENT BUT LIKE
Imagine Sanji wheezing and struggling to breathe after a fight!! Emotional scene with Chopper trying to convince them to stop smoking!!
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Robin
Pansexual
Married to Franky 💜💜💜
Intersex demigirl! Like- the whole being called a monster/demon her whole life and trying to find someone who accepts her is such a good (unintentional) metaphor for the gender discovery experience,,
GIVE ROBIN THEIR MELANIN BACK!!! I don’t care if it wasn’t their original colors… neither were the blue eyes but I’m giving both to them because they deserve it!!
I wanted to give Robin more of a curly hair texture but I was concerned it would start to not really resemble her. I might play around with it another time though and see if I can achieve something still recognizable
PTSD
Do I even have to explain that-
They are traumatized and get flashbacks and night terrors
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Franky
Bisexual
Married to Robin 🩵🩵🩵
TRANSMASC. I AM THE BIGGEST BELIEVER OF TRANS FRANKY.
He was abandoned by his birth parents, he has a name he doesn’t use anymore, calls everyone bro regardless of gender, HE LITERALLY REBUILT HIS ENTIRE BODY-
Even though Franky’s a cyborg I gave him visible top surgery scars. I think he would show them off with pride and doesn’t necessarily need/want to be seen as a cis man. He’s just a man who once had boobs yk?
The underside of his hair is an even brighter blue because silly!!
ADHD—he hyperfixates like a madman and is also very loud and passionate. Also idk if this is an actual ADHD thing but like he’s super empathetic and cries easily? I’m like that too so idk lol
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Zoro
Demihomoromantic asexual
Hopelessly, dare I say pathetically, in love with Luffy. I want to clarify that this doesn’t make Zoro less gay and this doesn’t make Luffy less genderfluid.
Also as much as I adore trans Zoro, I think the fact that he’s a cisgender feminist is important. So I headcanon him as cis.
FLUFFY HAIR ZORO FLUFFY HAIR ZORO FLUFFY HAIR ZORO 💚💚💚
I can’t decide whether or not I like the striped hair,, I’m still on the fence about it lol
Covered in scars because he’s done so much training and fighting, I know they kind of look like something else but they aren’t, don’t worry
Idk why but I always give him a dark green undershirt
Autistic!! He has a narrow range of emotions, makes nonverbal grunts, super into swords, he’s blunt, follows routine, etc.
Aaaand that’s all of them! Phew! Thank you so much for reading 💖
Reblogs, asks, and comments are super appreciated!!
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anonymouscheeses · 2 months ago
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Im sorry i have to say it..: Get Your Hands Dirty sounds like a love song.
HEAR. ME. OUTT!! (No i dont mean a love song between Chloe n Ella omg 😭)
What I'm implying here is that it sounds like one of those niche high school love stories when one of the lovers(most likely a goodie two-shoes) goes to their mentor/parent/even the person their loving/etc to ask for advice on relationships. Or more specifically, if this person is worth it or even a good person. From the top of my head: I Won't Say (I'm In Love) and the goodie and the wildchild dynamic is pretty similar to Gabriella and Troy from hs musical, which iws(iil) kinda inspired this post tbh but also ive been thinking about this ever since i first watched the movie. (You plop in ur own songs, i js KNOW this trope exists)
Now that we've established the well used niche trope existing in this niche song made by the niche king that is Disney.... why do i think that Get Your Hands Dirty is a love song, i hear?
Lets analyze THE LYRIICS 😈😈
"Right and wrong, cruel and kind, who's to say?" "There's a code that I believe in."
"Robin Hood" "yeah?" "Awesome guy" "yeah!"
"Every choice, you're gonna find there's shades of grey." "There are rules for a reason!"
"So you could then cross that line, theoretically."
"You'd agree?" "But he stole for the poor."
"The decision's always up to you. When there's only one thing left to do"
"I don't know you anymore.."
Okay, so i shortened and made it tiny for obvious reasons, that bein its too long 😭 so! AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO GETS A FEEELIN?? a feelin that this is SCREAMING denial?! Its giving...
Chloe: Ellaaaa.... this girl im talkn to is SOOO HHHOOOOTT and PRETTY and cool and stuff but ugh.... SHE EEEVILLL!!
Ella: oh my gosh.. STFU. Shes prolly not even that evil ill prove it smh..
*get ur hands dirty starts playing. No exaggeration. No cap.*
"Okay, but there's some universal truths you must recognize." "Like?"
"Valiant knights, pure and good, guaranteed" "That depends on what they're fighting for"
"Creepy witches selling potions for evil deeds" "She could have kids she's providing for"
"If your good-good things will come to you"
MORE denial, Chloe wants to be friends with Red SO bad she looks stupid, but she brings herself back by trying to prove to herself that she's evil and they SHOULDN'T be that close. Which also is a big sign of comphet and heteronormativity, i would know 🧍 (which is a post for another day i might make. Prolly 2 prove that Chloe is a lesbian in deep comphet)
"But just how far do you go? How much do you compromise? Oh, tell me, how do you know. Where do you draw the line?"
"There's nothing I wouldn't do. If my heart tells me it's right. If it's for someone I love. If it's to save a life."
"To save your life."
Further deepening the trope i mentioned. The first line could be interpreted as a double meaning since the song is kind of mostly about Chloe coming to terms with the fact Red isn't really evil or as bad as she thought, plus the argument of where the line between evil and good is. It could refer to Red or Ella, maybe both, but Ella changes the meaning with her own experiences so it drifts off the focus from Red because we cant have ANYTHING 🤧 but i still believe Chloe intended it to be for Red since the entire song is really just for the progress of their relationship n stuff.
Now this could definitely all be in my head, yes, Disney would most likely NEVER canonize or even imply heavily a queer relationship or anything lgbtq on a pre established franchise (cowards.). But there is always a chance.... deep inside the dark heart of the mouse..
Plus, with the subtle hints here and there of Red and Chloe's relationship growing, romantically or not, they are still super close and love eachother alot. Chloe is js (kinda) canonically a girl kisser who cant help but find a girl kissable (same)
And don't get me started on this movie and its obsession with love and proving how it is not "ain't it". Hello...? They set the tone of love, but i see NO person close enough to Red established for this message (other than Chloe) and if they introduce some random guy in the next movies, NO ONE would care nor would they want it unless somehow its 100x better than redcharming, but thats impossible cz wlw 4 life.
So, this entire thingy is me basically finding scraps and wanting to provr that charminghearts IS canon and WILL be established soon! (Im delulu)
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imaginelegends · 12 days ago
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ITS HIM
ITS LA PIETA
but seriously, I feel like this one screenshot encapsulates my... hesitations about season 2. because honestly... it's shaping up to be Mid, and I mean that in the traditional meaning of the word.
1. It's good, nothing to complain
2. No overly glaring problems - story hits all the plotpointa
3. It's not flawless - or the level of quality has not superceded its flaws
And its that third point that kinda really... Hammers it in
*insert picture of Jayce*
Look at the Viktor screenshot - look at the quote
"The reason for our failures in the commune"
WHAT FAILURES?!? WE SAW NO SUCH FAILURES!!!
What are you talking about failures??? Bc from where we stood, your commune is fucking excelling - happy content people everywhere. Its clean. It gets fucking sunlight. Its nice as hell. What FAILURES???
and thats the problem you see - bc Viktor went from reluctant jesus to full on Messiah to apparently The Bad Guy All Along - AND THERES VERY LITTLE CARRY THE CHARACTER FROM ONE PHASE TO THE NEXT
same with cait - oh we see the prison, we see the fictitious arrests, the way enforcers wage war on its own people who BTW still aint independent of piltover, who BTW remain under piltover's rule, who BTW for the most part are innocent people who have done nothing wrong aside from being born in the undercity
the gangs are gone bc they all hate topside - and thats the only thing
BUT HERES THE THING, we dont see Cait doing any of this... its her soldiers, the enforcers, but aside from her magnificent leap to the bottom in s1, shes actually back to the usual cait - when Jinx stopped sexually frustrating her, she regained her moral code
(and we're gonna have to talk about the missed opportunities between ambessa, jinx, and cait. let me tell you. ive been cocked the block)
suddenly s2 act2 cait seems more or less similar to beginning of s2 act1 cait - with her misgivings about martial law. WE DIDNT EVEN GET TO LUXURIATE IN CAIT BEING DRUNK OFF HER TYRANNICAL POWERS!! WHAT WAS THE FUCKING POINT!!!
give me MOTHER goddamn, where the fuck was that??? where is goddamn horny seduction of power? where is ambessa getting pussy enchanted bc cait would tap that at least once and ambessa is trying to be professional and as cait starts pulling away, the lesbian break up would have been AMAZING - caits betrayal bc she went back to Vi?!? hello????? DO YOU NOT SEE HOW FUCKING SIZZLING THIS COULD HAVE BEEN???????
dont fuck the warlord - dont sexualize the warlord - ONLY IF YOU WERE A COWARD
give me the seething, writhing pit of moral ambiguity thats hot as hell
bc otherwise it comes out perfunctory.
LIKE BACK TO VICKY
if vicky was supposed to be the bad guy, his little commune needed to be A LITTLE MORE creepy. SHOW US THE FAILURES. show us how the healing turns people WRONG. What does it mean if vicky gets his hands on you? SHOW US THE HORRIFIED LOVED ONES WHO UPON SURRENDERING THEIR DISABLED BELOVED FIND THEIR BELOVED IRREVOCABLY CHANGED IN A WAY THAT CAN NEVER BEEN UNDONE
SHOW US THE EXISTENTIAL LOVECRAFTIAN HORROR YOU FUCKS!!! This whole commune could have been fifteen hundred percent weirder and uncanny, make us feel like we're in a fishing boat in the middle of the lake and something massive just brushed under our boat. make us feel small and uncomprehending cucks.
I FELT NOTHING!!! I FELT LIKE WE WERE HITTING EACH STORY BEAT FOR THE SAKE OF THE PLOT POINT
it was all perfunctory as fuck. there was no lingering, stewing tension that just gnaws at your bones until you remember with each aching movement. there was NOTHING like that.
i couldnt bliss out on the jayvik messy breakup. i couldnt savor cait having a pussy rebound with a worse partner (we couldve gone from Lestat to Armand levels of bad decisions here)
we get Nothing
So Arcane gets ONE more act 3 to finish this off but honestly... it feels like each act is almost self contained in and of itself. and the buildup of viktor and the arcane feels thin - papery - wishy washy. Im not entirely confident that theyre gonna wrap up everything nicely.
ive already had ONE MASSIVE DISAPPOINTMENT THIS YEAR, please i cant have another so close to the last (iykyk)
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presidentofclaudeloving2024 · 5 months ago
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Honestly I'm kinda pissed with how the bridgerton fandom is being alittle right now
Like why tf not can violet have 3 queer kids in her 8 children series in the TV verse?? Yes it's not like the books but also the books are heavy with minor violence against women as funny scenes, particularly misogyny men AND just plain out some stupid and emotionally abusive plots! The books are not perfect and neither is the tv series.
But at least personally, the TV series is MUCH better then the books in my opinion from what I've heard from like 3 different book reviews on YouTube already. Yet people are upset that 3 of her kids are queer now in the TV canon.
Benedict is bi/pan, francesca is either bi or a lesbian and honestly thinking long and hard recently about it more, I'm pretty sure Eloise is ace actually. Acesexallity if anything not so much aromantic. ALL 3 ARE QUEER CANON NOW AND THE FANDOM WILL NOT TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME!!!
I get it, one of the best men IN the bridgerton books was changed into a women instead and it changes the whole infidelity plot from the book now. But honestly why not have that plot still but with a sapphic love story instead??? IT COULD STILL WORK???
And let Ben have his hoe era right now, he's AFRAID of COMMITMENT in ANYTHING thanks to season 2 and 3 showing us. These people who are book only lovers in the fandom need to chill the fuck out and let me enjoy one of my favorite characters in the TV canon being bi/pan canonly now.
Now would more polin and less subplots in season 3 be nice?? ABSOLUTELY YES, WE HAVE DELETED SCENES OF POLIN THAT DIDNT MAKE IT INTO THE SHOW LIKE?!?! I get A LOT of the fans frustrates from this as well and I'm on the frustrated side of the fandom on this one. More polin was absolutely needed in this season and thanks to the shitty 8 eps mark Netflix only allowed, we couldn't have that in the end. I still say I love this season a HELLA lot more then 1 at least but yeah. Definitely way too many focused subplots then main plot this season and Netflix better not let the same thing happened to BENEDICTS SEASON!!!!
GIVE US MORE EPS FOR THE NEXT FEW SEASONS NETFLIX!!!! DO IT YOU COWARDS!!!!
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ultimate-marysue · 3 days ago
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My headcanon for sexualities for the Batfam is mostly baseless but I feel it so deep in my soul. You can tell me I'm wrong but you can take them from my cold dead hands.
Bruce Wayne: he's bi. Like, yeah that's obvious.
Barbara Gordon: Bi. She prefers women but she will go after a guy if he proves interesting enough. So far only Dick has truly caught her attention enough to date. She's also kinda masc, in my brain she's giving Ripley or Nora Price.
Dick Grayson: here's where people kill me, to me Dick is either straight with a preference for masc women or bi with a really big preference for women. Yes, he's fruity like that, but at this point he's been queer-baited so much it's funnier if he's the only straight one. Don't kill me I know I'm wrong.
Cassandra Cain: let my girl be a butch lesbian. The world would heal if Cass was a butch lesbian. I don't know how else to convince because it's just butch Cass. What is there not to love about Butch Cass? Give me butch Cass-
Jason Todd: That's a gay man. I can't explain it, but he is. Like, he's definitely fooled around with Artemis just to try and both of them decided "Nope". They're gay-lesbian solidarity. No one knows but not because it's a secret they just haven't bothered to ask.
Stephanie Brown: bi. Also, let her date Cass you fucking cowards. She would treat Steph so well, lord knows she deserves it after what DC puts her through. Let them be together I'm gnawing at the bars of my enclosure.
Tim Drake: He's bi. DC got one right, that's a bisexual man and I don't know what else to tell you. I think he's more into guys than girls, but that's something he ends up realizing as he's older.
Duke Thomas: He's Ace or demi. Is this because he's one of my favorite characters and I'm bestowing him with my sexuality. Yes, moving on.
Damian Wayne: honestly I'd need to read older versions of him to get a better picture but maybe demi or bi. Whatever he is he is an absolute romantic about, that man will grow up to be Gomez Addams' levels of insane for his partner.
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onepiece-polls · 1 year ago
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One Piece Shipping War - Round 4 Quarter Finals
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Propaganda under the cut.
Propaganda for Shanks x Buggy:
What if we were childhood friends who gave up our drama for each other then never saw each other again for years
What can I say, I'm a fellow shuggy truther too 🤝
Shanks obviously adores Buggy, and Buggy is so tsundure~! Mr 'I hate Shanks'-but-will-take-every-opportunity-to-talk-about-him-and-be-with-him.
Oden says in his journal that he can't tell if they're friends of enemies, and I just love that. Plus when you add in the revelation about Shanks and Buggy in the recent chapters.
They're childhood friends. They're exes. They've been married for 20 years. They're opposites. They're the same. They're silly goofy guys who make me want to cry my heart out. Red/Blue is always meant to be.
Buggy """""HATES""""" Shanks. This hate is so strong that he WILL yell at this red-haired bastard despite the fact that he is a coward, who is terrified of all the Emperors. Everyone thinks this is strange. However, when you grow up with said Emperor on the same boat, watching him stumble over his feet as he's trying to learn to use a sword, stuck scrubbing the whole deck because he was stupid enough to prank "Dark King" Rayleigh, and make that same stupid pouty face every time his Conqueror's Haki doesn't do anything because he is an itty bitty child, most of that fear gets pretty quelled. Also, that same fucker lost an arm because he's a DUMBASS and he deserves to be made fun of for it (not because Buggy is worried and missed him not at all no no Shanks is just DUMB and needs to be TOLD he is dumb more. But just by Buggy. Because Buggy has known his idiocy forever. He has earned the right to yell at this stupid, stupid Emperor for being a self-sacrificing fool and for giving away that stupid hat and... Wait, hang on, when did this bastard get hot!? WHAT THE FUC-) And Shanks just keeps smiling at Buggy and his antics because he has 100% been in love with him since they were children (his actions while they were on the Roger pirates are the DEFINITION of pigtail-pulling as flirting) and he is just happy to see that he's safe while being exactly the same larger-than-life clown he always knew. He would gladly give up his life of sluttery (that I am convinced this man has. Just look at how he exists) if Buggy would just agree to join his crew, but will not push him if he doesn't want to. He just loves his pretty clown from a distance and waits. TLDR: Buggy is mad that he's in love with Shanks and Shanks just likes existing with and/or annoying Buggy (they come as a pair). GOD I just love childhood friends to lovers bro. Just let the cabin boys kiss.
[Spoiler Warning] Red and Blue gays! Emperor husbands! Childhood friends to enemies to lovers!
Propaganda for Nami x Vivi:
Yes, Nami has a new girlfriend on every island, but her heart belongs to Vivi. Vivi in turn refuses to marry, because her heart belongs with a pirate ❤
THEY’RE LESBIANS! IN LOVE! another point: my friends who are watching OP for the first time came to me and asked “so Nami and Vivi… they’re gay right?” So it’s pretty apparent to even newcomers
I just think they’re neat! And in love. Nami gave up money for Vivi that’s True Love
Anyone who saw them can just tell they’re gay. Like Nami gave up money for her
They're one of the rare lesbian ships in op, they care for each other so much !!
Lesbians
Lesbians
They were so gay that Luffy offered to share food to cheer Nami up when they were separated.
i dare you to read Baroque Works through Alabasta without shipping them. the way Vivi and Nami are so affectionate with each other, and Vivi putting saving her nation on hold to get Nami healthy again ???
Lesbians
Let’s go lesbians!!!!! Ok but actually, I think Nami saw a lot of herself in Vivi (ha) especially when Igaram “died” and then throughout their journey together Nami really encouraged her to open up to the crew. Nami showed Vivi it was ok to ask for help just like Luffy showed her.
Vivi was Nami's gay awakening and you cant change my mind. Nami was in love with Vivi and Vivi def had some kind of feeling for Nami. They were so close and they were more then just 'gal pals'
Lesbian Pirate Supremacy! they clearly care a lot about each other and considering when nami meets vivi she is probably one of the first close female friends she gets to have.
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ficsforeren · 2 years ago
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Our Little Secret - Chapter 6 (End)
Series Masterlist
Pairing: Eren Jaeger X Female Reader
Genre: College AU, Spider-Man/Spider-Girl AU, Fluff, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Eventual Smut
Series Summary: Eren Jaeger, a 21-year-old virgin college student who loves his camera a little bit too much, has a crush on you. Every night, he switches on his camera and talks about you but he never could find the courage to speak to you in real life. Strangely enough, he finds it easy for him to befriend Spider-Girl, the crime fighting vigilante, not knowing that you both share the same identity.
Chapter Summary: Eren still can't believe that he just went on a date with the most popular girl in school and kissed the hottest superheroine in town all in one night. He tells himself that he has to make a decision—to choose between you and Spider-Girl, not knowing that you two are the same person. Well, maybe it's time for you to reveal your little secret.
Content Warnings: swearing, mentions of characters going through depression, traumatic past events, a little bit of smut near the end (not too explicit)
Word Count: 16k
Poster art by the most talented @rainbuniart on Twitter
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Armin Arlert loves Eren Jaeger. He does. He really does, like in a platonic-but-can-also-be-qualified-as-super-gay-way-sometimes. 
He adores him. Might even name his fictional son after him in the future, who knows? He thinks Eren is the best friend he could ever ask for. Armin wouldn’t put his life on the line to save him, true, (‘cause as much as he loves the guy, that bitch can die on his own since it will probably be because of his damn fault anyway), but he would definitely sacrifice his most precious body pillow if Eren’s life depends on it and that’s saying something. Actually, hold up. Let’s not make any hasty decisions here. It’s a special, limited edition dakimakura with his fictional wife printed on it while wearing a slutty maid outfit. He ain’t gonna throw those glorious 2D titties just for Eren’s lousy ass.
Though his actions may speak otherwise, Armin does care about him. More than he has ever cared about anyone else, really. Even on those days back in high school when he was a bit… bicurious, Armin had imagined himself—more than once (or ten)—being with Eren and how hot it would be if he had Eren all tied up on his bed with his body shrouded by wet tentacles that were stimulating each of his sensitive spots. He knew it was weird to imagine his best friend begging him with tears in his eyes, saying lewd things like “Please, Master Arlert, please give me your thick, hard cock and fill me up with your seeds. I want you to breed me like a fucking whore,” but Armin was an eighteen-year-old virgin with a raging sexual desire, okay? Can you really blame him? (yes, please blame him, he's insane).
It didn’t help that Eren looked so pretty with his hair down either, especially when he was sitting half-naked on Armin’s bedroom floor during those hot summer days with a popsicle stuck inside his mouth, making questionable groaning and sucking noises as he jammed his thumbs against his X-Box controller. It also didn’t help that Armin had watched too much hentai in his spare time but at least, he was proud of it. Eren watched tentacles porn too—and enjoyed it—but he would always pretend he didn’t and say that he preferred lesbian porn just so he could “fit in” and “be normal” or whatever. Fucking coward.
We’re getting sidetracked but the point is, Armin loves Eren to the moon and back, but sometimes, sometimes, he just wants to break all 206 bones in his body, squeeze him into a pulp and flush him down the toilet. And by sometimes, he means now.
“Armin!” He can hear the sounds of small rocks hitting his window, followed by Eren’s husky voice calling his name in a mix between a shout and a whisper. “Armin! Dude, wake up!”
Armin only has one eye opened, glowering at the digital clock on his desk that shows it’s two in the fucking morning. His parents might be heavy sleepers—the government has to drop a nuclear bomb for them to wake up—but Armin needs complete silence to be able to wane into his dreamland (which would be the only place for him to be embraced by his fox-eared waifu). He tries to ignore the asshole standing outside his window, but that so-called green-eyed butthole is as stubborn as he is relentless. 
Gathering a handful of pebbles, Eren throws them one by one, continuously hissing Armin’s name like a demonic cat. With each stone hitting his window, Armin transforms even further into a seething monster. By the sixteenth pebble Eren throws, the blonde-haired boy pushes himself off the bed, grabs the baseball bat he hides inside his closet—which he bought not for sport, but for this very reason—and stomps his way to the front door.
“Armin!” Eren rejoices when he sees his best friend walking past his lawn, moving toward him. “Oh, thank God, you’re awake! I need to talk to you—WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING TO DO WITH THAT BAT?!”
“I’M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU, JAEGER!”
It’s always like this with them—Eren annoying the shit out of him and Armin trying to kill him two or three times in a row—but it would all end well, not with laughter, but with a massive bump on Eren’s head that may or may not be big enough to trigger permanent brain damage. But then again, Eren is already an idiot. He’s probably maxed out at this point. 
“One of these days, Arlert,” Eren groans in pain, rubbing the back of his skull as he wills his tears to stop brimming in his eyes. “I’m gonna file a restraining order on you.”
“That’s my line, you nincompoop.”
“I don’t know what nincompoop means but that doesn't sound pretty.”
The two boys sit on the little stairs that lead to Armin’s porch (five feet apart ‘cause they’re not gay). Armin still has his baseball bat between his legs, his golden hair all tousled from his one-hour sleep. Eren, who’s usually attentive to another person’s well-being, is too excited to pay attention to the bags forming under his eyes. Playfully bumping his shoulder against Armin’s, he asks him, “Dude, guess who just had his first kiss tonight?”
“Why do we strive for perfection if it is not attainable?” Armin says, dramatically sighing into the night. “What is the meaning of a good life? Is there a meaning in life itself? Are we human or are we dancers?”
Eren, now confused, has his smile wavering. “The hell are you talking about?”
“Oh, I thought we were just throwing out random questions.”
“That last one wasn’t even a question. That was `Are We Human’ by The Killers.”
“Yes and they were asking us whether we are human or dancers when they should have been asking: why can’t we be both?”
“It’s me,” Eren replies flatly. “I just had my first kiss.”
“Oh, wow, congratulations. I did not see that coming at all.” There’s no mirth or enthusiasm on Armin's face. He's just clapping his hands as he keeps his voice monotone. “Your lips aren’t a virgin anymore. Make sure they don’t turn into a whore.”
Eren, well-accustomed to his sarcasm, remains unfazed, continuously acting like the love-struck puppy that he is. “Aren’t you gonna ask me how it felt like?” He wiggles his eyebrows, showcasing a cheeky grin. “I’ll give you a clue. The word starts with an A and ends with a G.”
“Anal Rimming?”
Eren sends him a flat stare. “It’s amazing.”
“Sure, if you say so. I mean, I’ve never done anal or rimming before so I wouldn’t know, but hey, if it’s amazing then good for you, buddy.”
“I meant the kiss, Armin!”
This attitude Armin is throwing at him is his way of saying dude, I love you but I’m so fucking pissed at you right now, and Eren understands how much he’s being selfish for taking Armin’s precious sleeping time. He knows and he apologizes for it. But if he doesn’t tell Armin about the kiss—about how he’s both overjoyed and conflicted by it—he’s sure as hell he’s going to lose his mind. 
Armin, despite how snarky he is, can only exhale exaggeratedly in defeat once Eren puts his best-kicked puppy look on display. “Fine, you twat. Spill.”
And with his permission, Eren’s words come rushing in like a bullet train. “Dude, it was insane.” Whenever he thinks about the kiss, the first thing Eren feels is joy. The kind of joy that is so fierce, it leaves him burned and paralyzed by it. “I’ve been imagining what my first kiss was gonna be like since forever but even the sweetest dream wouldn’t be able to compare to how amazing it was.”
Armin can see it—that glow on his face. It’s the first time he’s ever witnessed his best friend being this happy. It's disgusting. “You sound like that sappy Aerosmith song.”
“And to think that I was having my first kiss upside down!”
“Wait, what?” Armin finally shows a reaction, his eyebrows adjoined in the middle. “Upside-down?”
“Yeah, she was hanging upside down.”
“Hanging? How—why—” You know that Jackie Chan meme? The one with him looking all confused? Yeah, that’s Armin right now. “Where were you? In her room?”
“Umm… no. We were outside.”
“In public?”
“Yeah, but no one was around. Oh wait, there were like three guys around us but they were unconscious.”
The more he explains, the more perplexed Armin becomes. “Why were they—no, who were they?”
“Just some dudes wanting to steal my camera.” Eren turns sheepish, his index finger scratching his cheek at the memory of you fighting so gracefully under the rain, almost like dancing. The words he says don’t match his expression at all. “They had, like, a knife against my throat. It was really scary.”
“Oh yeah, I can tell, ‘cause you’re blushing so hard right now.” At this rate, being sarcastic is the only way for Armin to keep himself sane.
Eren, to Armin’s horror, giggles. “I remember the way she came by. It was so dramatic. She beat their asses to save my life like bam, kapoww, kapoww!”
Almost getting hit by Eren’s lame attempt at re-enacting your punches, Armin cringed, “Please stop.” 
“We kinda flirted a little bit after that and I just, you know…” Eren has really turned into a thirteen-year-old girl at this point. “I kissed her. She was hanging upside down. There was rain pouring above our heads and we were, like, smiling into the kiss. It was so romantic.”
Fuck Jackie Chan. That meme needs to be reinvented using Armin’s face now. He’s more confused than any Chinese man could ever be. “Hold up, you fucker.” He pushes his eyeglasses up his nose, a pair of sapphire eyes scrutinizing Eren's face as if he could find the answer if he looks hard enough. “How and why was she hanging upside down?”
“Well, she was about to swing away when I stopped her and so she was hanging onto her web and—”
“Her web?” This dude makes absolutely no fucking sense! Armin is now picturing you (not Spider-Girl. You.) in your preppy girl outfit hanging upside down on a tree like a fucking monkey, exchanging tongues and saliva with an actual monkey who was twice your size. The result? Absolutely ludicrous. “Dude, what kind of kinky shit are you guys into?!”
And it’s only then that Eren remembers something. “Oh, no, you’re getting the wrong idea. I wasn’t talking about her. I kissed a different girl.”
“You kissed a diff—” Armin stops himself before he explodes. Taking a deep breath, exhaling with his eyes closed, he mutters under his voice, “Lord, give me strength.” When he blinks open his eyes again, Armin seems much calmer, although his grip around his baseball bat is tightening twice as hard. His fingers are just itching to smack the shit out of his best friend. Again.
Eren, scared for his life, has both hands in the air. “Calm down, Min.”
“I’m calm, I’m calm.” But he takes another deep breath just in case. Armin smiles—that kind of deadly smile that doesn’t reach his eyes—when he asks, “Let’s start from the beginning. You went on a date with Miss Popular.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“But you didn’t kiss her and instead you kissed someone else.”
Now that Armin phrases it like that, that feeling of remorse that Eren felt an hour ago comes back rushing in. Eren still loathes himself for kissing another girl right after his date with you ended but the thing is, it felt right. It felt like it was something he had been wishing to happen for years. He had spent all this time imagining what it would be like to share a chaste kiss under the rain with you—the college version of you. But when the moment was there, he couldn’t do it. It didn’t feel right. He felt guilt at that time, knowing that Spider-Girl kept showing up in his head when he was supposed to be thinking about you. But he didn't feel any of that when he shared those kisses with that alter ego of yours. He just felt joy. It felt amazing. It felt right. 
But with Armin confronting him about it, he returns to the dilemma he was drowning himself in a few hours ago. The time when he realized that he was in love with Spider-Girl instead of you.
“Yeah,” Eren admits in shame, casting his gaze downward. “I kissed someone else.”
Armin fixes his glasses again, just so he’d have something to do instead of looking flabbergasted at the revelation. “And who did you kiss?”
“Umm… Spider-Girl.”
Armin looks at him and Eren looks back. Three seconds pass by in silence and then—
“AW!” Eren shouts in reflex, not caring if it’s two-thirty in the morning, right after Armin smacked him with the end of his baseball bat. “Dude, stop doing that! It hurts!”
“You’re fucking with me,” Armin says, hitting him repetitively on his side. “You’re absolutely fucking with me right now. Can’t believe I woke up to listen to you spouting bullshit!”
“I’m not bullshitting you!” Eren winces, trying to dodge his next attack.
“You’re saying you kissed one of the town's hottest superheroines? The same girl who took down the Lizard—no, the same girl who looks smoking hot in that white spandex—you kissed that girl?”
“Yes! Fuck—Stop hitting me!” Eren, at some point, manages to snatch away the bat from Armin’s grip. His body feels sore all over, even more than when he fought those men in the alley. “Yes, Armin, I kissed her.”
“Yeah,” Armin snorts. “And I just had some raunchy sex in the barn with Green Goblin. Expect his babies to pop out of my ass in nine months.”
The brunette rolls his eyes. “Look, Spider-Girl and I have been friends for weeks now. Here.” Eren retrieves his phone from his pocket, going through his gallery before he shows the selfie he took with you in your costume on the night you shared stories on the rooftop of St. Mark’s theater. You were both so close to each other, shoulders nearly squeezed together as you tried to fit your faces inside the frame. Eren had the biggest, gleeful grin, his skin seemingly tanner than usual next to your white mask and hoodie. Armin examines the picture with suspicious eyes, his gaze shifting back and forth from his friend’s face to his phone. 
“Hmm, very convincing,” Armin comments. “Not sure where you found the skill to photoshop this shit so fast when it took you a week to choose a fucking filter for your Twitter PFP but okay. Assume that I believe you—I don’t,” he emphasizes. “But for the sake of our conversation, let’s just assume I do."
"Fine." 
"So you kissed her.”
“Yeah.”
“Upside down in the rain?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“And how was it?”
“It was…” Eren’s cheeks sizzle at the memory. “They were… soft. Her lips, I mean. They were so soft and they tasted… sweet.”
Armin’s expression turns from suspicious to I’m-tired-of-your-shit-Jaeger in 0.2 seconds. “I was thinking more like it was bad because I’m sure she had rain clogging up her nose, ‘cause that would’ve sounded more realistic, but sure, let’s be corny.”
“Wait,” Eren blanches. “Do you think she was uncomfortable?” It’s stupid that he only realizes this now, but then again, what else is new?
“Yeah, well,” Armin shrugs. “Hanging upside down certainly didn’t seem like it was the best position to make out in, 'cause you have blood rushing to your head and all. And since it was raining, she definitely had water getting up her nose.”
“Oh my God,” Eren utters in horror, his hands going to his head. “Why didn’t I think about that?”
“Probably cause you were too busy sticking your tongue down her throat.”
Eren has no consistency in managing his emotions because at one point he was panicking, and now, he’s back to giggling like a schoolgirl. “Yeah, we used tongue a few times. It was so exciting.”
“Give me back my bat. I’m gonna kill myself with it.”
But jokes aside, the question remains. How could Eren, who has zero games in dating as far as Armin knows, kiss another girl—and not just another girl, Spider-Girl—right after he went on a date with one of his campus’ most popular girls? Even the sentence sounds bizarre and he hasn’t spoken them out loud. Most importantly, though, why? Why did Eren do it? “I thought you were in love with her,” Armin says. “Miss Popular, I mean. You spent the entire summer jerking off to that one picture of her wearing that short skirt and now you’re saying you like some other girl whose face you don’t even know?”
“Did you have to phrase it like that?” Eren mumbles in shame though he can’t deny the fact that he did spend—well, not the entire summer, the entire two weeks, probably—masturbating to the thoughts of you. It wasn’t the proudest moment in his life, but in his defense, that skirt you wore looked super cute on you. “I know, I fucked up,” he sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. “I’m the worst.”
“How did this even happen?”
Eren tells him everything, and the more details he reveals, the harder he drowns in his guilt. He feels like he just betrayed and disrespected you—both you and Spider-Girl and it hurts him terribly because he still can’t decide between the two of you. He’s so conflicted he feels like he’s about to vomit his insides. 
“It’s so weird, you know?” Eren says. “At the end of the date, I was sure she wanted me to kiss her. I mean, like, the moment was there. We both felt it, and I wanted to do it but I… I kept thinking about Spider-Girl and it just felt… wrong. I didn’t want our first kiss to go that way—me kissing a girl while thinking about another girl. It wouldn’t be fair to her.”
“Should’ve just kissed her, in my opinion,” Armin counters. “If you had done it, it would’ve been easier for you to make sure of your feelings now.”
 “But that would’ve made me the biggest asshole in the world.”
“You are the biggest asshole in the world. But yeah, probably. Did it feel right when you kissed Spider-Girl?”
Though the remorse on Eren’s face still stands vividly, some of it morphs into delight at the memory. “Yes, it was,” he admits. “It felt like… something I should’ve done weeks ago, you know? Like, why didn’t I realize sooner that I’m in love with her kind of feeling. And I keep thinking about everything—about my feelings toward Spider-Girl and my feelings toward her and it’s stressing me out. Do you think a man can be in love with two girls at the same time?”
“You’re talking to a guy who has, like, seven different waifus. Of course, you can,” Armin snorts. “The problem is, unlike my wives who don’t know I exist, you have to choose. Unless you want to continue being a gigantic fucking asshole for the rest of your life, you need to decide who you want to be with.”
“I know...” Eren starts chewing on the inside of his cheek. It feels like he has a storm raging inside him. “I think I’m in love with Spider-Girl because I feel like… I know her better. I mean, I’ve been spending more time with her, so she feels more like a person to me. More… You know, real.”
Armin nods. “But when you went on a date with Miss Popular, did you enjoy it?”
“I did.” His answer is immediate. “More than I expected I would. She was so nice and funny and she… She gave me a scarf ‘cause she thought I was cold. She was so caring. She was great.”
“What if her personality is just as attractive as Spider-Girl’s then?” Armin provides a new perspective—a genuinely good one, which is rare considering how big of a pervert he is. “I feel like you just need some time to get to know her better.”
“Yeah, but how can I do that if I keep thinking about Spider-Girl? What if every time I see her, all I do is compare her traits to hers? It’s not fair.”
“Okay, let me ask you this,” Armin sighs loudly into the air. “Can you really see yourself dating a superhero? You don’t even know her real identity or what she looks like. What if she’s ugly?”
“I don’t care how she looks.” Determination stands thick in Eren’s voice. “It’s her—” He clears his throat, his face turning scarlet. “I-it’s her heart that I love.”
“Oh my God, I’m gonna throw up on you.” 
“I mean like her mannerisms!” Eren hastily adds when Armin threatens to jam a finger inside his own mouth. “Her attitudes, the way she talks, the way she thinks, and the stuff we talk about—that’s what I care about the most. She’s my best friend.”
“Excuse me?” Armin repeats, offended, picking up his weapon.
“A-after you, of course.”
“That’s right, bitch.” He drops his baseball bat back to the ground. “Okay, fine, you don’t care if she’s ugly. Not my problem. But does she like you?”
“I think so? I mean, she kept asking me to kiss her again. You don’t do something like that with someone you don’t like, right?”
“Yeah, well, strangers fuck at nightclubs all the time. I won’t think too much over a kiss.”
The pretty shade of red that paints Eren’s face turns pale by the second. “You don’t think she likes me?”
“I do, but is it enough for her to want to date you?” Armin lands a hand on the other man’s shoulder, giving him his best sympathetic look. “I wouldn’t be so sure, man. Look, I’m not trying to sound like a douchebag for crushing your R-rated dream so early like this but you’re my friend and you need a reality check so here it goes. She’s a superhero. Okay? She’s busy. She doesn’t have time to play tonsil hockey with nerds like us. Plus, if she cares about you then maybe she won’t date you ‘cause you’ve seen what happened to Mary Jane, right? That chick got taken hostage at least once a week these days, ’cause of what?”
“Umm… Cause she’s dating Peter Parker?”
“That’s absolutely right, you nincompoop.”
“Like I said, I don’t know what nincompoop means.”
“At this point, MJ doesn’t even scream anymore when she has a gun pointed at her head. She’s just like—” Armin pretends he has his smartphone between his hands, his thumbs moving to type something. He keeps his face blank and his voice monotone, talking in an exaggerated New York accent. “‘Oh no, please, don’t hurt me, I’m scareeeed. Hashtag SpideyDrama, hashtag Spidey-MJLoveStory. Take a cute selfie with my kidnapper—” He pretends to take a picture, puckering his lips while forming a peace sign with his two fingers. “—aaaand post.’”
Under different circumstances, Eren would have laughed. Armin’s impression of her was spot on. “Yeah, but that’s because everyone knows that Peter is Spider-Man. No one knows who Spider-Girl is.”
“Yes, but if you keep making out with her in public, they’ll know about you, and then what? You want to start doing your own TikTok trend? Hashtag PrayforErenJaegerTheNewDamselinDistress?” Eren parts his lips to answer but he’s stopped by two hands squeezing him by the shoulders. “Look. Just give Miss Popular another try, okay? It’s easier to be with her than being with Miss Vigilante, I promise you. Plus, Spider-Girl knows how you feel about her, right? Don’t you think it would make you sound like a player if you talked like a lovesick fool about another girl, but then you confessed to her three days later?”
Again, it’s absolutely ridiculous that Eren just realized this now. “You’re right,” he utters in horror. “Holy shit, you’re right.”
“Of course, I am.” Armin scoffs, tossing back his imaginary long hair over his shoulder. “Forget about Spider-Girl for now. Give it a week or two to sort out your feelings. Or focus on something else, like jerk off to your favorite tentacle porn or something. If you still feel like you can’t move on from her then, we’ll go to Plan B.”
“W-what is that?”
Armin retrieves his bat. “Me, beating the shit out of you until you suffer from a massive concussion and forget about this whole thing.”
“Yeah, why don’t we just stick to Plan A for now, thanks. But no tentacle porn.”
"Pfft, whatever, your loss."
***
You have never—never—felt like you were floating in the clouds after sharing a kiss with a boy, and yet there you are, climbing through your window with the biggest dopey smile on your face. You take off your mask, throwing yourself on your bed with the longest, most blissful, content sigh you’ve ever heaved in your life. 
You have two fingers tracing over the seam of your lips, your skin somehow still tingles whenever the memory of that kiss resurfaces. The sweet, pleasant taste of his mouth still lingers near. The soft texture of his lips is the best thing you’ve ever felt against your own. 
“Eren…” His name drifts past your lips and you find yourself giggling, turning over to your stomach before you let out a high-pitched scream against your pillow. It felt like a first love’s kiss and perhaps it was since he is your first love, isn’t he? You haven’t been able to stop thinking about him. Every cell in your body seems to scream I love him, I love him, I love him every time his smile appears behind your closed lids. It feels like you’re thirteen again, just a lovesick girl whose fingers are itching to pour every emotion you felt into your journal. 
Dear diary, I’m in love. 
You didn’t think your first kiss with him would be like that, but it was ten times better. No, a million times better, even if you did have rain clogging up your nose at some point. Eren was so… passionate, you think to yourself as you feel your stomach flipping at the memory of his lips melding against yours. You may be a virgin, but unlike him, you have experienced many first kisses before and none of them was this memorable. None of them managed to awaken the butterflies in your stomach as his kisses did. And none of those boys tasted as good as he was.
“I am down so bad,” you sigh as you hug your pillow close to your chest, a dreamy smile sketched upon your lips. I can’t wait for tomorrow to come. I want to see him. I want to be with him again.
With that thought in mind, you begin to create your diabolical plan to reveal your true identity to him. As cute as he was looking all conflicted from falling in love with both you and Spider-Girl, you decide not to torture him even longer. It’s unbelievable, the amount of elation you felt the moment you realized that he’s fallen for Spider-Girl. It’s clear proof that he wasn’t just attracted to your looks, but your personality too. It puts you at ease, knowing that he keeps catching feelings no matter what persona you’re putting in front of him. He fell for you when you were just an innocent little girl who couldn’t do anything but fangirl over Wonder Woman all day. He fell for you when he saw you stepping onto the podium to accept your science medal, blinding everyone with your perfect smile. And he fell for Spider-Girl, your alter ego that embodied your true personality.
I wonder how you would react when you find out that I’m all those three?
“Maybe I should step up my game,” you mumble to yourself. “Maybe I should be a little…”
The corners of your mouth curve up. Your smirk is just straight-up evil at this point. Hell, even Norman Osborn didn’t look this wicked when he turned into Green Goblin. 
“Aggressive.”
***
When Eren told his brother, Zeke Jaeger, that he wanted to borrow his motorcycle to pick up a girl this morning, his brother was on the floor. Literally on the floor. 
Zeke was skeptical at first, snorting loudly as he muttered, “Pfft. As if you could get a girl to notice you. Bet my ass you’re just being delusional.” But then Eren, heaving the biggest sigh, raised his phone in the air, flashed his wallpaper—that one picture you took on your date with you smiling as you kissed his cheek—on his brother’s face and Zeke collapsed to his knees.
“Oh my God.” Zeke landed both palms on the parquet, eyes shaking in horror. “Oh my fucking God.”
Eren, who was accustomed to his brother’s dramatic antics, simply shrugged when his aunt Dina looked at them funny. “He’s having a moment,” he explained and Dina just returned to her cooking, not wanting to deal with any of that. 
It usually took Zeke a while to get back on his feet—literally—when he was having an episode like that. Eren simply waited with his back leaning against the wall, checking his watch with boredom written in his eyes. “Try and make it quick. I got a date.”
“I can’t believe you found yourself a girl before me,” Zeke sobbed. “I thought it was Armin dressing up as a girl again—"
“We’re over that phase now.”
“—but no, she’s actually a cute fucking chick. Probably has massive badonkers too.”
“Please don’t say that.” Great, now I can’t stop thinking about it too, Eren adds inwardly, face flushed. What if she… does have massive badonkers—I mean, tits—I mean, breasts. He shakes his head. Eren, you idiot. Who cares if she has huge boobs or not. Flat, or huge, those are still great tits—no, stop thinking about her tits!
“Fuck, what if it’s true?” Zeke looked up to his brother from below, like a tortured servant to his sadistic master. “What if she’s packing some dobonhonkeros? Like, massive dohoonkabhankoloos, ya know what I mean? Big old tonhongerekoogers—”
“Language, Zeke,” Dina chimes in from the kitchen. “I don’t understand what you’re saying but I know they’re filthy words so stop it.” 
Eren, in the meantime, is conflicted between not thinking about your breasts or smacking the shit out of his brother. “You’re being disrespectful, stop it.”
“GOD, I WANT A GIRLFRIEND—”
“JUST GIVE ME THE GODDAMN KEYS!”
Zeke, almost with tears painting his eyes, handed them over to him. “Once you’re finished with it, do me a favor and just run me over. I don’t have the dignity to keep on living anymore.”
“Will do,” Eren said—promised—as he threw a black leather jacket on top of his white shirt. “I’ll be back in two hours,” he informed his aunt. “We’re just gonna study in my room after that.”
“Studying each other’s bodies?” Zeke uttered with jealousy coating his tongue. “Gross.”
“Statistics, actually.” Eren planted a small peck on Dina's cheek. “See you, Aunt Dina.”
“Bye, love,” Dina chuckled, seemingly proud that her nephew—one that she regarded as her own child, unlike the other one—was old enough to bring a pretty girl home with him. “Make sure to bring her something. Us girls love gifts.”
“Okay.”
“And buy some condoms on your way home.”
Eren nearly tripped over his feet. “I-it’s not like that!”
Zeke was lying flat on the floor at this point, like a stabbed victim on a crime scene, only in his case, the knife was invisible and he was bleeding tears from his eyes. “When can I get myself some bonkhonagahoogs…”
“Please kick him out before I get home,” Eren said.
“Trust me, darling,” Dina sighed. “I've been trying to do that since day one.”
“Guys, I’m literally right here.”
“Shut up, Zeke.”
***
Eren is just as jittery as he was during his first date with you, only this time, it’s ten times worse as he keeps thinking about Spider-Girl no matter how much he tries not to. The guilt he felt over the kiss sticks permanently in his mind, and it feels like he just committed adultery with a church elder or something when he isn’t even in a relationship with you—any version of you. But even so, he tries to stick close to his plan. He has promised to spend some time studying for finals with you, and he intends to give his full attention to you and no one else. Since he’d brought you a bouquet yesterday, he decided to buy you homemade chocolate truffles from this cute candy store downtown, one that Dina claimed to be the best one in the world. 
He arrives two hours early at your ballet studio, feeling so nervous to see you again that he feels like the whole world is spinning too fast before him. He’s waiting outside in the parking lot, leaning against Zeke’s all-black Royal Enfield Classic 350 with his phone in one hand and his head on the clouds.
What am I going to say to her? Can I even act normally around her? What if she—
“Eren.”
“Fuck!” The boy jumps on his feet, almost losing his grip on his phone from how startled he is. He spins his head around to the side, spotting you standing close with your gym bag slinging on one shoulder. His shock-filled eyes quickly traverse down your body, taking in the sight of you dressed casually in your fitted black tank top and white track jacket. “W-why are you not wearing your tutus?”
Out of all the things he could’ve said, of course, that’s the first thing that comes out of his mouth. “Because I’m still outside and my practice isn’t going to start for another ten minutes?” You reply with a hint of teasing in your voice. “You look handsome today, by the way. I always think you look hotter wearing a leather jacket instead of a hoodie. Not that I don’t like it, though. Hoodies make you look cute.”
This is an ambush, Eren thinks. You, casually throwing your compliment at him as if it’s nothing, feel like a fucking ambush to him. “I—Umm—You look—You look cute too.”
“Thank you,” you titter. “I can’t believe you arrived here before me.”
“Oh... Y-yeah.” It suddenly feels like it’s twenty degrees hotter for him. “I guess I was a little early.”
“As always,” you toss him a smile—the one that has the perfect amount of beauty and shyness that makes his heart swell in his chest. “You’re not planning to wait out here for two hours, are you?” When Eren has no answer to give, you chuckle. “Gosh, you are too cute. Come here.”
“Huh?” 
“You can wait inside.” It’s so natural the way you tangle your hand around his even when you can feel your own heart palpitating. “It’s warmer there.”
Eren, with his cheeks turning scarlet, follows after you. “Is—is it really okay?”
“Well, no. Usually, we don’t allow strangers to watch our rehearsals.”
“Then, why—”
“Relax, Ren.” You hurl a wink at him. “Petra—my instructor—is a close friend of my mother. I’ll just tell her you’re my boyfriend and she’ll make an exception for me.”
Three things left him dumbfounded. The first one is clearly the fact that you just called him your boyfriend. Second, it’s that naughty, naughty wink you threw at him, one that matches your cute little devilish grin. But none of those were as surprising as the way you called him with that nickname. 
Ren.
You’ve never called him that before, have you? But Spider-Girl called him Ren all the time, which is why to his ears, it sounds so familiar. The way you said it. The way your voice sounded when you did. Even if his mind tries to deny it, his heart still pounds. It feels so strange for this to just be a coincidence but you don’t give him a chance to think about it long.
“I’m gonna go change into my tutus, okay?” You tease him once you enter the studio, chuckling at your own words. “You can sit at the back. Try not to stare at the other girls as you wait.”
He knows he’s dumb but today he just feels ten times dumber and it shows. “W-why not?”
“Well, obviously, because you’re pretending to be my boyfriend today.” You reach out a hand to fix the collar of his jacket, watching him flinch at the way your fingers brush against his collarbone. “And also…” You look up at him, turning your voice into a breathy whisper as you feign a pout. “I don’t like seeing you look at other girls. I want you to look at me.” You take a hold of his key-shaped pendant, twisting your fingers around his necklace. “Only me.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck. If there was steam coming out of his ears, Eren wouldn’t be surprised. He does feel like his face is about to explode. “I-I’ve only been looking at you.”
“You sure?” Your tongue peeks out to wet your lower lip and Eren swallows at the sight. “You seemed so… distracted last night. You weren't thinking about some other girl, were you?”
He’s staring at your lips. He’s definitely staring at your lips. Oh my God, her lips. “I—I didn't—I wasn’t—” He’s panicking. He’s already having a hard time trying to stay alive from your attack. You really didn’t need to bring back Spider-Girl into his head, but you did and that’s why you fit more as a supervillain instead of a hero.
Eren can practically taste the minty scent of your breath from how close you are when you grin at him. “I’m kidding,” you giggle, patting his cheek and giving him back his space. “You look like you’re about to pass out. You okay over there, big boy?”
“Yeah…” Just feeling like I’m having a cardiac arrest but I’m fine. “Good luck with your dancing—your practice. Break an arm.”
God, he’s an idiot, I love him. Refraining yourself from laughing, you stand on your toes and grant him a soft kiss on his cheek. “It’s break a leg, dummy,” you whisper in his ear, your smirk brushing against his earlobe. His face is practically in flames when you turn on your heels, tossing him one last smile before you disappear inside the changing room. 
The rehearsal starts on time and there you are, walking back into the studio dressed in pink seamed ballet tights, a black halter-neck leotard, and a pair of beige pointe shoes. Your outfit, the way the fabric hugs your body tightly, leaves no room for his imagination to wander. It’s so unfair that you look both adorable and effortlessly sexy at the same time. Eren doesn’t know whether he wants to say, “You’re so cute, I want to squeeze your cheeks!” or “You’re so hot, I wanna clap those cheeks.” He wants to do both, honestly, but he’ll need to rephrase that last line if he wants to be, ehem, respectful.
He can see your back muscles contracting as you perform, your skin glistening under the light, coated by a thin layer of sweat that somehow only makes you look more erotic. He hates the way his mind thinks, so he tries to focus on your movements instead. Every posture you strike is as graceful as it is beautiful and Eren has to remind himself to blink before his eyes fall out of his sockets from staring too long.
You try to concentrate as much as you can on the instructions Petra gives you but every time you see your reflection in the mirror, you also notice the way his eyes are entranced with every gesture you make. He’s staring at you like you’re the only girl in the room—the only girl in the world, even. As much as it pleases you to be the center of his attention, it’s also harder for you to focus on your steps. You just can’t wait for your practice to end.
Eren is so captivated by everything you do, and if he had brought his camera with him, he would’ve taken every bit of your expression. He wishes he could record everything. The way your body moves… Even the slightest lift of your finger is fascinating to him. At this moment, all thoughts about Spider-Girl vanish away from his mind. It feels like he’s falling for you all over again, his heart throbbing like on that day when he saw you on campus for the first time. You’re so pretty. So, so pretty that you leave him breathless.
“Hey,” you greet him again once your rehearsal has ended. “Sorry you had to wait long.” You’re dabbing a towel against the side of your face, gathering your belongings in your arms as the other students are making their way to the changing room without you. “I’m all sweaty so I’m just gonna go take a shower real quick. Is that okay?”
Eren can see a bead of sweat running down the side of your face, disappearing right between your cleavage. It’s the most pornographic thing he’s ever seen and this comes from the man who spent the whole summer watching questionable porn clips with Armin. It also doesn’t help that Zeke’s face keeps appearing in his mind, whispering to him, “Bro, look at those badonkers,” and no, Eren doesn’t want to look at your badonk—breasts. It’s very inappropriate, and you deserve to be respected. 
Fucking monke. Eren is going to run him over for real after this.
“Eren? You okay there?”
He coughs once, trying to focus on your face instead of your, in Zeke’s words, dohoonkabhankoloos. “Yes, I—uhh… I’ll just go wait outside, okay?”
“Okay.”
You’re not sure what you’re expecting but when Eren walks away without saying anything about your performance, you feel a sliver of disappointment growing inside you. Keeping your thoughts to yourself, you tighten your grip around your bag and pivot on your heels.
“Oh, I forgot to tell you,” Eren says, stopping you in your tracks. You turn around, facing him with a questioning brow. The boy smiles at you, doing it so beautifully, so delicately, so lovingly that you feel like you can fight the whole world just to protect that smile. “You look so beautiful when you dance,” he says, his eyes gleaming in the adoration he holds for you. “So graceful, you’re like, uhh… Like an angel.”
It’s corny. It’s corny and cliche, and embarrassing, and you love it. If anyone else had said it, it would’ve sounded like the cringiest pick-up line, but not him. Eren said it like a confession as if he truly felt that way and he had to tell you the truth no matter what. He doesn’t intend to sound corny, of course, but what can he do? You did look like an angel in his head. But now that he’s hearing the words out loud, he can’t help but feel mortified by them. “S-sorry,” he blushes. “I didn’t mean to sound so… lame.” 
“No, it’s fine.” You could feel a pleasant warmth pooling inside your stomach. “Thank you.” You smile back at him, a bit timidly but as beautiful as always. “Will you… come and watch my recital next time? It’s not until three months from now, but—”
“Of course!” His eyes light up in excitement, his voice loud enough to make three people turn their heads at the sound. “Of course, I would love to! Can I bring my camera with me?”
You almost laugh. He reminds you of that little Siberian husky he owns, the way she looked so excited as she ran down the street, chasing a hummingbird. “Yes. Yes, you can.”
***
There are a lot of things Eren is grateful for in his life. He’s thankful that he has his Aunt Dina taking care of him and his brother after his parents passed away. He’s thankful that he has Zeke, no matter how obnoxious he is, for always lending him his credit card whenever Eren is in desperate need of money (involuntarily, true, but let’s not get into details). He’s thankful that he has Armin in his life to knock some sense back into him, both literally and figuratively speaking. And of course, he’s thankful that he met you—every version of you, though he hasn't noticed yet. But today… Today he doesn’t direct his gratitude to his Lord. Today, he wants to thank whoever it was who decided that motorcycles should have these super cramped seats because holy shit, they’re doing God’s work.
“I’m sorry for holding onto you like this,” you say with your hands tangled around his waist, a little bit embarrassed with how close you are to him. The motorcycle itself is designed to be a two-seater, but apparently, comfort for the pillion has not been a priority—which is a good thing for Eren because you don’t have other options left but to have your front all squeezed against his spine to fit in.
“Umm…” Eren swallows and he swallows hard. You’re wearing his leather jacket above your clothes and yet he can still feel the way your breasts—oh my God, they’re so soft—are pressed against his back. Maintaining his eyes on the road, he tries to focus on his surroundings as best as he can. “I-it’s okay.”
“Are you sure you’re not cold? You can take back your jacket if you want. I can just use mine.”
“No, it’s fine. Yours is too thin.” He refrains himself from sniffling because damn it, it is cold. He should’ve thought of bringing a spare jacket for you, but no, of course, being the idiot that he was, he didn’t. “Don’t worry about it. My house isn’t far from here.”
“Okay.” Despite his reassurance, you still have your eyebrows knitted in concern as you can still feel him shivering from the cold. As a way to warm him up—which is only an excuse for you to touch him even more, and to continue with your diabolical plan—you embrace him from behind, tightening your arms around him just a little bit harder. 
Fuck, Eren thinks, face flushed. You’re plastered against him like a conjoined twin and he can feel your warmth seeping through his shirt. It’s a wonder that he’s still able to maintain his grip on his vehicle. “W-what are you doing?”
“Umm… Making you feel warm?” You reply sheepishly which drives him insane. You’re already so beautiful and sexy in his head, now you get to be so innocently adorable too?
Eren only responds with a little "Oh..." because that’s the only thing his pea-brain can manage to form with all this blood rushing to his head. God, you wish you could steal a glimpse of his face. What kind of expression does he have right now? He must look so cute.
He’s dying, that’s how he looks. Probably about to combust into flames too. Why are they so sooooft, Eren wants to whine, feeling your chest pushed up against his back even more. Is this the kind of sweet torture people talk about? The kind that makes you feel like you’re both in heaven and hell at the same time? It certainly feels like one. 
“Sorry, Ren…” Noticing the way his body is tensing, you loosen up your hold. “Am I making you feel uncomfortable?” 
“No!” Eren takes off his left hand from the steering wheel and snatches yours back before you can retrieve it. He keeps it in place, pressing your splayed fingers tight against his stomach until you can feel the shape of his abdomens underneath the thin layer of his white shirt.
“I’m not uncomfortable,” he says, his voice subdued by the wind. You fail to notice the way he stutters his words. “Hold on tight so you won’t fall."
When he’s only driving twenty miles per hour because of traffic ahead, even if you did fall, you would only get a scratch on your palm at most but neither of you cares. You both know it’s just an excuse anyway. "Okay."
"And also, uhh…” Eren is glad he has his helmet on to conceal his face. “It’s… warm. You, I mean. You're so warm.”
“I'm glad I am,” you giggle, winding your arm around him again, even going as far as resting your chin on his shoulder. Feeling a bit naughty, you lower your pitch, seduction ringing in his ears. “Kinda wish we were alone in your room right now,” you purr, your fingers hovering dangerously close above the hem of his jeans. “I know something else we can do to warm you up.”
That’s it. That’s the final string. Eren’s concentration breaks and he’s easily startled by the car driving past him on his right. Veering his vehicle immediately to the side, he nearly collides with the motorcycle on his left. 
“WATCH IT, JACKASS!”
“Sorry,” Eren mutters in chagrin, while you’re cackling like a witch behind him. From his bar-end mirror, you can see how he childishly pouts at your laughter. “Why are you laughing—that wasn’t funny!”
“It was a bit funny,” you sneer. “You panicked like a girl.”
“Well, you were saying some nasty things to me!”
“What nasty things?” 
“Y-you said you were going to do something else to warm me up.” 
“Yes, I was speaking about making some hot chocolate for you. What were you thinking about?”
He opens his mouth, closes it, and repeats these two actions three times more before he gives up and grouses, “Oh, shut up.” Eren spends the rest of his drive pretending to be upset about it, even when you can tell he’s having the hardest time masking his smile. He can’t do it for long since your giggle is infectious. 
“You seem happy,” he comments, mirroring the joy on your face. 
“That’s because I am,” you reply, snuggling close. “I feel like I’m the happiest when I’m with you.”
Oh, for fuck's sake. “Don’t make me crash our bike into another car, I swear to God—” 
“Okay, okay, I’m sorry!”
When the laughter has receded, Eren shares stories about Dina and Zeke, the two family members he loves dearly—well, he loves Dina, Zeke can go to hell (affectionately)—and how they are very excited to meet you today. But the second you arrive at his house, no one comes to answer the door.
“Weird,” Eren mutters as he walks past the entrance, dropping the keys on the counter. “I thought they’d be—” He stops short when he notices a piece of paper lying on the coffee table. With a frown, he picks it up and runs his eyes across Dina’s neat handwriting.
Zeke and I are going shopping to give you kids some time alone. We’ll eat outside too so we won’t be back until nine. Remember to use protection ;) - Love, Dina.
Eren, too busy trying to understand what the fuck is going on, doesn’t notice the way you’re standing on your toes, trying to steal a peek at the paper from behind his shoulder. Unlike him who needs a whole minute to process her words, it only takes two seconds for you to finish reading the whole thing. 
Eren shrieks at your presence, crumples the paper with both hands, tosses it inside the trash bin, and hopes the whole thing gets swallowed by hellfire. “You—You didn’t read that, did you?” It feels like he has his heart throbbing in his throat.
“Read what?” You play dumb, even tilting your head to the side for a cute, dramatic effect.
“Nothing,” he says, and when you arch your eyebrow at him, he spins you around, placing both hands on your shoulder as he guides you down the hallway. “Let’s just go to my room. Go, go, go, go, go.”
“Wait.” You stop him with one hand in the air, putting on your best solemn face. “Have you brought protection with you?”
“OH MY GOD, GO!”
***
Things aren’t going as smoothly as Eren had planned. Actually, nothing went as planned. For all he knew, all he had been doing was just turning red like a fucking tomato for the whole two hours he had spent with you, and you teasing the shit out of him. And it doesn’t seem like you’re going to stop anytime soon!
Is she planning to kill me? He sighs as he opens the door that leads to his bedroom, welcoming you in. She wasn’t like this yesterday. Now, don’t get him wrong. Eren loves how aggressive you’re being—he hasn’t unlocked his kink yet, but he’s secretly a sub who longs to be dominated by his women, both in bed and in real life—but with how smooth you’re going right now, constantly flirting with him as if it would kill you if you didn’t make him blush every ten minutes, this is getting so bad for his heart.
And it doesn’t help that he’s now alone with you in an empty house for the next—he takes a glimpse at his phone screen to check on the time—three hours and twelve minutes. His thoughts are going insane. From Dina’s message to the image of you in your skin-tight leotard, and of course, the way you embraced him on the ride home too. You’ve been giving him signs that you like him. You’re more honest and blatant compared to how you behaved during your date, and as much as he is certain that Spider-Girl is the woman he’s in love with, he can’t deny that he has feelings for you too. And the way you’re looking at him right now, sitting on the edge of his bed in your cute little red dress and your cute little matching headband with your smile never faltering away from your lips—everything about you right now is so… titillating.
“You’re such a dirty boy,” you smirk.
Eren nearly collapses. “W-what?” What the hell is happening? She can hear my thoughts now? WHAT IS GOING ON?! “What do you—I’m not—I don’t know what you’re saying.”
“I said you’re a dirty boy.” Your salacious smirk turns into a mischievous grin. “As in your room is a mess.”
“Oh!” He laughs once in relief, his hand coming up to wipe cold sweat off his forehead. “Oh, you were talking about my room, thank God.” Wait. He panics again, eyes moving back and forth from one corner to another, scanning his room. He’s sure that he’s cleaned up everything he could this morning, and by cleaning up, he means picking everything off the floor, jamming them inside his closet, and pretending that they don’t exist. Everything seems to be in order. There are no clutters on his computer desk. No laundry on the floor. Sure, the books on his shelf are in disarray, but at least they’re not too dusty. “It looks clean to me, though.”
“On the outside, sure,” you titter. “But your wardrobe looks like it’s seconds away from exploding. I don’t need to take a peek inside to know that you have dirty clothes and questionable things stored there.”
“I don’t have… q-questionable things,” Eren says very unconvincingly. Poor boy can’t lie to save his life. Unable to stand the way you narrow your eyes suspiciously at him, he sighs in defeat, “Well, it depends on how you define questionable.”
“Playboy magazines?”
“Nope.” Why should I buy one when I can just see naked girls for free on PornHub?
“Erotic novels?”
“No.” Ha ha, too bad. You were close, though, cause instead of erotic novels, I read—
“Erotic mangas, then?”
Fuck. “N-no,” he coughs out.
You wait for him, watching him with the nastiest grin you could muster until he gives up on his lies. “All right, all right, you got me,” Eren says, rolling his eyes. “I have some hentai mangas hidden in my closet. Happy now?”
“Immensely,” you chirp back and whatever it is you’re doing, it’s working well because Eren feels like he can breathe properly again. 
Now that the tension isn’t as suffocating, you both settle down on the carpeted floor, your backside leaning against the side rail of his bed. You have your textbook perched on your lap, a pen between your fingers as you teach him about univariate and bivariate transformations. Eren wears a pair of eyeglasses when he studies, and you hate whoever invented those black frames for making him look more attractive than he already is as if his little man-bun wasn’t strong enough to emphasize that. 
An hour passes by in a flash and Eren asks for a ten-minute break. You follow him to the kitchen, watching him make two cups of hot chocolate while casually throwing back some of your earlier teasings. It feels so domestic—the playful banter you throw, the way you share smiles and giggles while you both sit on the kitchen aisle with your legs dangling in the air. And while you secretly fantasize about spending every morning with him like this, Eren is constantly reminded of the time he spent with Spider-Girl.
Why does this feel so familiar? He ponders. Is your personality similar to hers? Is it the way you talk? Or is it because he unconsciously starts projecting Spider-Girl on you? Because he can’t stop thinking about her even when he’s trying his best to focus on you today? He grows restless at the thoughts. Because if that’s the case, then what’s the point of doing this? It’s clear that he’s still searching for Spider-Girl everywhere he goes. Even when he’s seeing you, he still thinks about her. He was sure he managed to forget about her earlier today, but the more he grows comfortable with you, and the more you show your true personality to him, the more he sees Spider-Girl in you.
When you return to his bedroom with him trailing after you, you notice a little box sliding out of his bag. Eren follows your gaze, mumbling, “Oh, shit, I forgot,” under his breath before he snatches it away. “I bought something for you earlier today,” he says, taking a seat on the edge of his bed with you settling down right next to him. “I wanted to give this to you back when we were at the studio but…” He smiles a little bit sheepishly as he hands it over to you. “I got, uhh… distracted.”
The way he said his words, it was clear that you were his distraction. “Thank you,” you reply, your fingers playing with the little red bow that ties the package together. “You’re always so thoughtful. I wanted to give you something too, actually, but I couldn’t get it done on time. It’s going to take a little while before I can finish it.”
“Oh?” His whole face brightens at once, seemingly giddy at the thought, as it would be the first time he’ll receive a handmade gift from the opposite sex. “You’re making something for me?”
“Yeah.”
“What is it?”
“It’s a surprise.” Your coquettish smile quickly becomes one of his favorite things in the world. “For now,” you land a hand on his shoulder, leaning up to brush your lips lightly against his cheek. The kiss is light and chaste, and yet, Eren turns rigid, his heartbeat roaring in his ears. You break away with a bashful smile painting your lips. “I hope that’s okay?”
“Umm…” He mumbles out, unfocused. “Yeah…”
The moment is there. The same atmosphere, the same tension that you felt when you were about to part ways at the end of your date has returned, ten times thicker than before. You maintain your gaze on his face, while Eren learns the texture of your lips with his eyes. They seem so soft, so inviting and he wants it. He wants to know how it would feel like to have your mouths pressed against one another but at the same time…
He’s conflicted again, you think to yourself, and if you’re not careful, your devilish smirk will rise to the surface again. It’s such a fun game watching him like this. You can almost literally see the way he’s battling against himself. On one side, he wants to kiss the bejeezus out of you, while on the other hand, he wants to push you away and say, “Girl, you’re making my jeans tighter than ever but this heart only belongs to one woman, and as long as you’re not dressed in white spandex, you’re not her.”
The evil that you are, you plan to make it even more interesting. “Kiss me.”
Somewhere at the back of his head, a nuclear bomb explodes, killing half of his brain cells at once. “W-what?” Eren croaks out, sounding like he hasn’t spoken in years. 
You lean closer, your breath fanning his lips. God, your perfume, the scent of your breath—you smell so fucking wonderful. Sliding a hand up his chest, fingers gliding smoothly against the fabric of his shirt, you whisper again, “I want you to kiss me, Ren.”
“I—mmph—” His eyes close in reflex the moment your lips touch his, his eyebrows sewn together in the middle. You frame his cheek, bringing him closer to you than ever. For a moment, he succumbs, his fingers fisting the sheets underneath him. You press your body against him, and he wonders if you can feel his heartbeat reverberating on your skin. He lets out this cute little whine when he feels you parting his lips with yours, but the second he feels the tip of your tongue touching his, his body flinches and Eren breaks away.
“S-sorry.” He stands up abruptly from the bed, one hand shooting up to cover the bottom half of his face. His blush creeps up from his neck to the tip of his ears. He seems breathless, panicking out of his mind.
Your lips are just itching to exhibit a wicked grin but you pretend to be confused. “Is there something wrong?”
“I—I can’t—” He’s looking anywhere but your face, jittery hands moving animatedly as he speaks. “You and me—we can’t—I can’t do this with you—Not right now—Not when I’m—I can’t, I’m sorry, I can’t.”
Poor Rennie looks like he’s having a heart attack. “You can’t?” You’ve never taken any acting classes before, but you’re sure as hell this performance you’re doing right now deserves an Oscar's Best Actress nomination. Guess binging Euphoria all weekend has some perks after all. “But…” You perceive him with glassy doe eyes. “I thought you liked me…”
“I did!” He shouts out the words like it physically pains him to say them out loud. He’s losing his mind and it’s hilarious. “I did…” Eren goes down to his knees before you, his hands reaching out to take yours before he settles them on your lap. They’re sweating, and so cold. “I really liked you but…”
You start to feel bad but the sadistic villain inside you wants to see more so you just fake a sob. “But now… You don’t like me anymore…”
“Oh, God.” You, brushing your nonexistent tears with your fingers right now, are his kryptonite. “Please don't cry. No—no, it’s not like that! I like you!” he shouts, his eyes shaking as he peers into yours. “Jesus, I think I even loved you at some point and maybe I still do, I don’t know—I don’t understand my feelings right now, I just—”
“It's okay,” you say, trying to calm him down. You're a bit worried now because if this guy ends up passing out, that’s going to be your fault. “It’s all right, Ren… I know what you’re saying…”
He pauses to take a deep breath. When he speaks again, he no longer sounds as squeaky as before. “Listen to me,” he squeezes your hand, and even if his fingers are still trembling, they’re doing their best to comfort you. “I really, really do like you. Honestly? I was so obsessed with you before. I stalked you like a pervert. I took pictures of you when you weren’t looking. I've had your photo as my wallpaper for God knows how long. My video journals—”
Are all about me, you echo the words in your head as he speaks the same thing. Oh my God, he’s freaking out so bad, he’s telling every bit of his secret now. So cute. 
“I did all those things because I liked you and you should hate me for it—”
“I’ll never hate you, Ren. I want to be with you.”
You’re killing him. You can tell you’re killing him inside. “And you don’t know how much those words mean to me but the truth is, I’m—” He hesitates, still contemplating whether he should say the words out loud. He doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, but if he continues doing this, letting his desire overtake him once again, he’s only going to hurt you even more. He needs to make a decision. “I’m in love with someone else.”
You fake a gasp, even going as far as covering your mouth with both hands. “Y-you are?”
“Yes…” He answers in dismay. “I know maybe I should give myself some time to figure this out but I don’t want to be selfish. I don’t want to make you wait for me. I don’t want to make you feel confused. And I know it would be easier to love you instead of her—I don’t even know how she feels about me but… I can’t. I can’t deny that I’m in love with her. And it’s not fair if I keep doing this with you when I keep thinking about someone else. I don’t want to be that kind of person.”
He’s kind. Eren is always kind. He could’ve just dated you both if he wanted to, but he didn’t. “I see,” you solemnly respond. “Can you… tell me who you’re in love with?”
He nibbles on his lip, looking down when he says, “S-Spider-Girl.”
FUCK, YES! In your mind, you’re punching the air in triumph with Cardi B and DJ Khaleed throwing a party in the background, celebrating your victory. But if you take a look at the situation, how fucking ridiculous is this? Imagine if Spider-Girl wasn’t your alter ego. It would be like you confessing to that delusional nerd Armin, only to be rejected by him saying he’s in love with a random cosplayer whose real name he didn’t even know. Well, with Armin, it’s still a plausible thought. Ridiculous, sure, but plausible.
“I see…” You land a hand above your heart, pretending like it’s breaking when you’re really trying your best not to cackle like a madman. “Oh, gosh… I don’t know what to say… This is such shocking news to me.”
Colors drain from his face. “I’m sorry.” He looks like he’s the one who’s having his heart shredded apart. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you like this. I’m sorry for leading you on. I should’ve told you last night. You are such an attractive woman. You’re beautiful. You’re brilliant and you’re so kind and—”
Oh my God, he’s consoling me now. It’s getting harder and harder not to guffaw at his face. "Ren—"
“—I’m sure there are a lot of guys out there who would love to date you,” Eren says, his eyes drooping in sadness. “And I know this is a selfish thought but I hope we can… still be friends?”
God, you better be grateful I’m Spider-Girl ‘cause this feels like a terrible break-up movie and I’m livid. “We can,” you nod. “But only if you do something for me.”
Eren blinks, his eyes turning hopeful. “Yes, anything. Anything you want, I’ll do it.”
“Okay, then, sit down on the floor.” With a confused frown, he follows without a word. “Lean back.” You give two light taps on the railing of his bed and he rests his backside against it. “Good, now close your eyes. Don’t open them until I say so.”
“Umm… Okay…” 
“Promise me that.”
“I promise.” His furrow turns deeper when he senses you crawling up his bed. You position yourself behind him, lying down on your stomach with your elbows propping the upper part of your body. 
You lean close, whispering breathily in his ear, imitating the words he once said to you on the night he kissed you. “Can I try something I’ve never done before?”
He shivers. The way your voice echoes through his mind sends his mind reeling. “Y-yes…” It sounds more like a question and you almost laugh. He’s beyond nervous. 
Your hand slithers down his cheek before you hook your fingers on the underside of his jaw. You lift his face. His gaze would’ve lingered on the ceiling if he had his eyes opened but Eren keeps them pressed shut. Your touch feels burning on his skin. “W-what are you doing?” he stutters out as you take off his glasses.
“Telling you my biggest secret,” you murmur, leaning closer until you have your face hovering above his. He can almost feel your every word on his skin. “Do you trust me?”
“I—” He noticeably gulps. “I do.”
With an elfin smile, you lower your head. Eren softly gasps when your lips are connected. You’re kissing him upside-down, similar to the kiss he shared with Spider-Girl. You try to replicate the way he kissed you that night, starting out slow, giving him a light, innocent kiss. There’s no pressure on your lips, nothing to distract him away from how soft they feel against his. This is that kiss—your first kiss together.
And Eren remembers it. His body, his lips, his heart remember it.
A few seconds are spent with Eren holding his breath and when you pull away, whispering, “Look at me,” he slowly opens his eyes but they stay half-lidded, completely dazed. 
You stroke his cheek, your smile is an everlasting beauty. 
“I’m in love with you too, Rennie.” 
Your confession certainly comes as a shock, but it’s not as much as the way you called his name. Eren has his heartbeat ringing clamorously in his ears, his eyes widening at the pet name you gave him back when you were nine-year-old. His flashback hits him at once and it strikes him like thunder. He has never told anyone else about the little girl he met in the hospital except for Spider-Girl, and even then, he didn’t tell you that she used to call him Rennie. So how the fuck can you tell? 
Eren turns around, almost knocking his head against the railing as he does. “Wait—” He rises to his feet, both hands stretched out forward. He is mortified beyond belief. So embarrassed, that he wishes he can light himself on fire so he doesn’t have to deal with whatever the fuck that’s going on. This can’t be—she can’t be—
He catches you grinning at him no matter how much you try to hold yourself back. “Calm down, Rennie.”
“No, don’t call—” Oh my God, I can’t breathe—This isn’t happening right now—She—
You’re laughing—great, now you’re laughing—interrupting his thoughts and sending him even further down this endless hole of shame. “So, I’m your first love, huh? Been crushing on me ever since we were nine? Damn, didn’t know you were such a simp for me, Tarantula Boy.”
“No. No, no, no, no, no.” He only has one color on his face: red. “You can’t do this to me—”
“And you jerked off to my pictures?” You playfully scold him, stepping down from the bed and making your way to his spot. “Can’t say I’m pleased with that. Also, I can’t believe you kissed me right after our date ended. Not to mention, I had to save your ass again—”
Fuck, I can’t do this. Eren spins on his heels, literally trying to run away in shame as his brain turns into mush. He has one hand around the doorknob, ready to run and jump off the nearest bridge when you stretch out your arm and shoot out your web. Snaring him by his wrist, you pull him back toward you with a hard yank. With a startled yelp, Eren tumbles back, his body nearly crashes against yours but you catch him just in time. You flick the web off your wrist and tangle your arms around his neck. 
Standing on your toes, you press your body against his, meshing your lips together and laughing against his mouth in response to the muffled sounds of his protest. “Kill me,” he sighs against your mouth, followed by a strangled moan when you part your lips just to close them around his bottom one. “Just kill me now, please.”
“You sure about that?” You tease him, one hand sliding down his chest. “Cause I’d rather do something else if you ask me.” You nip on his lip, not being as gentle as before. 
Groaning in defeat, Eren frames your face with both hands. He decides to take control of the kiss as a way to make you feel just as flustered as he is now. He’s still awkward, his teeth almost knocking against yours but when his tongue slides inside, he manages to steal a gasp out of your mouth. 
You lean your entire weight on him, clawing against his chest as he winds his arm around your waist. “Easy, Tarantula Boy,” you giggle, still sounding mischievous albeit a little breathless.
“You’re evil.” Eren moves his lips to your jaw before he settles his head in the crook of your neck. “I can’t believe you played me like this. Is this the reason why you were being so aggressive today?”
“I’m sorry.” Your small laughter morphs into soft moans as his tongue slithers against yours again. Your fingers slip between his strands, your eyes closed in pleasure as you face the ceiling, giving him more access to nibble on the supple skin of your neck. “I didn’t mean to go this far, actually. I just wanted to tease you a little bit but—” Your sentence ends abruptly in a gasp when he seizes you by your waist and throws you down to the bed. His strength surprises you but the way he handles you so easily, losing almost all the tenderness in his touch, lights your stomach on fire. He crawls on top of you, pinning your hand down against the sheets before he smashes your lips together again. The sudden change in his attitude baffles you but you're quick to display your smirk again. “My, my, look who’s being so aggressive now.”
“Shut up,” he replies, face aflame, robbing you of the ability to speak. Eren kisses you deeply, almost frantically, demanding, plundering your mouth with his own, and you understand why. He doesn’t use his passion to cover his embarrassment, not like what you thought he was doing. He’s kissing you like this, like he owns you and you own him, because he’s been in love with three different people all this time, and all of them are now in his arms, in the shape of you. And, God, you are beautiful.
“Calm down,” you remind him again, sliding your fingers up and down his spine, effectively slowing down his pace. His bun is a mess, his strands falling all over the place, all designed by your eager hands. You play with the baby hair on his nape when he pulls away, your smile is too delicate to be real. “I’m not going anywhere. You don’t have to rush.”
His heart hammers inside his chest and it’s beating so fast, it’s frightening, but Eren loves it. He’s always felt this way when he was with you—with any version of you—but now that he knows you’re all of them, his heart beats three times faster. “I don’t think I can do it.” He keeps his face close enough for the tip of your nose to brush against his when he whispers, “I’ve been in love with the same girl for twelve years and now you’re right here and I’m… I’m going insane.”
He’s adorable. So adorable. “Well then, maybe I feel the same way…” You untangle his hair tie with one hand, pushing back his hair behind his ear before you caress his cheek. “‘Cause I’m sure I’ve been in love with the same boy for twelve years too.”
He melts in your arms, weak with the surge of joy that suffuses his body. “It’s hard to believe that you’re Spider-Girl,” he breathes out, resting his temple above yours, closing his lids. He seems so blissful, so relieved at the revelation. “But at the same time, it feels so right. This is the perfect moment of my life, I feel like I’m gonna die.”
“Don’t die just yet,” you titter. “You haven’t loved me enough yet.”
He breaks away with a peal of laughter flowing past his lips. “I’m already going insane because of you and you still want me to love you harder than this?”
“If you can.”
“So demanding.” He jokingly rolls his eyes. “That little boy in the hospital.” He twines his fingers around your wrist, bringing your hand closer to his face. He speaks his next words with his lips brushing against the lines of your palm. “Have you always known it was me?”
“No…” You’re entranced, eyes turning a bit hazy at the way his long eyelashes flutter against his cheeks. He peppers soft kisses on your skin down to the veins that paint your inner wrist. “I only realized it was you when you told me that story.”
“That night on the rooftop?” His pout returns. “You should’ve told me then.”
“Well, yes, but then I wouldn’t get to have this much fun.” You toss him your signature Cheshire Cat grin. Eren throws you a playful snort before he dives back to taste your lips again. “Plus, I was too… embarrassed to say a word back then. I’ve always thought you looked familiar but I had no idea that you were that boy.” You hug him close, breathing right against his ear. “You grew up so handsomely, Rennie….”
He’s buzzing with joy, every part of him is. “You’re really trying to kill me right now, aren’t you?” Eren tickles your side, making you laugh hard enough for his neighbors to hear. He takes in everything, the crinkles in your eyes, the way you have your mouth opened wide, and that adorable laughter you emit–he loves it all. “This is how I always imagined you to look underneath that mask when you laughed,” he confesses, settling himself between your legs. 
You play with his necklace, fingers hooking around his silver chain. “Are you disappointed that I’m not as feminine as I usually behave on campus?”
“Are you kidding? I love you more like this.” Your heart thrashes wildly, no matter how hard you tell it to stay put. Eren props his elbows on the bed, trapping you between his arms. He gently swats the bangs out of your eyes, taking his time to examine your every feature, using the chance to commit every part of you into memory. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on but it’s Spider-Girl whom I’m in love with, and I never cared about her looks. I care about the way she comforts me with her words.” He presses a gentle kiss on the center of your temple, stunning you with intimacy. “I care about the way she cares about me.” He drags his lips to your cheek, lips as light as feathers. “How she gets upset on my behalf when I blame myself for something that isn’t my fault.”
“Yeah, you do that a lot, it’s annoying,” you giggle and you can feel his smile growing on your skin. “What else do you care about?”
“I care about the way she uses sarcasm as her weapon.” His lips are now closing around your earlobe, letting you know the shape of his smirk as he speaks. "And how she gets snarkier when she's embarrassed, not knowing what to do when she receives a compliment."
You flinch, a little bit sensitive in that area. Especially when he sounds breathier like this, huskier as if he just woke up from his dream. “I thought I was irritating.” 
“Sometimes, sure.” But in his next lines, he abandons all the mirth in his voice, and he speaks sincerely from the bottom of his heart. “I'm kidding. I just find you endearing. I care about how you always pretend to be strong when you’re actually scared.” He grants a soft kiss on your nose, breaking away to look you in the eyes as he strokes your hair. “I care about how you seem like you don’t need anybody else in your life, when the truth is, you’re always searching for someone to be there for you. Just like everyone else, you’re scared of being alone.”
Your gaze softens, your stomach somersaulting at his words. “I can never lie to you, can I?” Your voice is not louder than a whisper, your lips only a breath away. “Ever since we were kids, you always knew what to say to me. You understood me more than anyone else.” It’s such a wonderful feeling to be with someone you can truly open yourself to. No secrets. No lies. No sweet nothings. No boundaries. “I wish we had never grown apart during those years. I would’ve loved to spend every moment with you. Growing up together. Being your best friend and making out with you on our school’s rooftop during lunch breaks.” You brush two of your fingertips against his lips, tracing the pretty shape of his mouth as he chuckles. “Maybe I could even give you that radioactive spider that bit me so you could be my sidekick and we could fight crimes together.”
“Your sidekick?”
“It’s kind of a package deal. Plus, I have better social skills. You're not ready to be a superhero, trust me."
"And why not?"
"'Cause even if you were able to kick some ass, you’d never win against your true enemy.”
“Which is?”
“The press. And Tony Stark ‘cause he’d just bully you like crazy without me.”
He just can’t seem to stop grinning when he’s with you. “Well, it’s not too late to start. I'm sure there's some radioactive spiders somewhere.” He gently bites on the tip, rolling your finger between his teeth. “Can you find me a tarantula, though? Spiders are a little bit overrated.”
“Of course, baby. Whatever you want.” 
Eren smiles, bestowing another kiss and letting himself drown in your taste for a minute before he pulls away with a pout. “You said you could never lie to me,” he mutters. “But you’ve been lying to me about your identity for three months.”
“Oh my God,” you groan, throwing your head back. “Stop being so butthurt about it. I said I’m sorry.”
He chortles, gathering your face in his hand again. “You’re so annoying.” He pecks your lips. “But I love you.”
“You’re such an idiot.” You pull him for another kiss, separating your lips to welcome him inside. “But I love you.”
Your kisses seem never-ending, and none of you complains about it. It’s so addicting, so exciting to have his taste lingering in your mouth, to feel the flick of his tongue against yours. Eren may be an inexperienced kisser, but he learns fast. By the time he regains confidence, it’s easy for him to steal your breath away, leaving you all dazed and needy for more.
You have your body squeezed against his, your heels hooked behind his waist, but you’re left feeling unsatisfied as you still have layers of clothing separating your skin from his. “Can I do something I’ve never done before?” you ask him with a cheeky grin.
Eren, who was suckling on your neck a second ago, elevates his face just to give you a flat stare. “Can you stop embarrassing me for one second?” 
“What, I can’t speak English now?”
“You’re using my words!”
“Since when are those words your words—It’s basic English!” Laughing, you roll him to his back, position yourself above his lap and watch him gulp in anticipation. With a naughty smirk, you slip your hand underneath his shirt, your fingers tracing the ridges of his abdomens before you bunch up the fabric in one hand and push it up to his chest. “Wow…” The word accidentally slips out of your mouth as you stare shamelessly at him. “Jesus, when the heck did you work out?”
“S-shut up.” He pushes down his shirt, hiding as much skin as he can from your hungry eyes while blushing like the virgin that he is.
Well, actually, you’re a virgin too, but at least, you act like a pro. “Why are you covering—let me see your abs!”
“No!”
“Wha—” You’re trying to pry his hands away. He’s pretty strong, and you don’t want to use your superhuman strength to pin him down just so you can marvel at his stomach (you won’t stoop that low).
“Stop trying to undress me, woman!”
You know what, if he keeps fighting you back like this, you might as well tie him up with your web. “Rennie, come on, just give me a peek!” Did you sound desperate? Yes. Are you desperate? Yes, times a thousand. “I’m your girlfriend, you know!”
“You literally just became my girlfriend like seven minutes ago!” He’s struggling just as much, keeping the hem of his shirt as low as possible. “Also, being my girlfriend doesn’t mean you can do whatever you like with my body! Ask me for my consent first!”
You see, he’s right. He’s totally right, but— “Babe, I can literally feel your dick poking against my thigh right now.”
“Y-yeah, but still…” Aaaaand he's blushing. 
“Huh. Cute. Now let’s get back to the game, darling.” You grab the hem of his shirt and— 
“No, wait! I’m not mentally ready and we're—” Eren gasps loudly—almost too dramatically—in both horror and surprise when you shoot two lumps of your web, snaring his wrists and keeping them glued on the bed right on each side of his head. He turns to face you again, his jaw dropping low when he speaks, “Did you just use your web on me?”
You did. Holy shit, you did. What happened to not stooping that low? “I-I’m sorry.”
“Just to see my abs.”
You palm your face, your cheeks blazing hot. “I’ll let you out—”
“You know Peter Parker wouldn’t do this to MJ, right?”
You sigh. You kinda wish you were bitten by a radioactive bunny so you could dig really fast and bury your whole existence inside a hole. “Well, I mean, I wouldn’t know–”
“Steve Rogers would judge you so hard right now.”
“Steve’s actually a kinky bitch. I’m sure he likes it. Look, just calm down,” you tell him, settling yourself on his lap while trying your best to ignore the way his cock is twitching in his pants at the sensation of your weight pressing against him. “I won’t do anything to you without your permission, all right? I'll act like a gentleman. A gentlewoman, if you must.”
“Oh, am I your lady now?”
“You’re acting like one right now, aren’t you?”
“Oh, shut up.” He yanks on his wrist, trying to break free but your web is unyielding. “Can you get this off of me? This looks ridiculous!”
No, it doesn’t. This looks kinky as fuck. Never have you imagined that you’d be using your superhero ability to tie up a handsome man on his own bed, but you learn something new every day, I guess. Trying not to stare so much at the way his biceps are flexing with every attempt he makes, you ask the most important question. “Are you nervous because you’re a virgin?”
“I’m not—” His face catches on fire. “I’m not nervous, I’m just—okay, yeah, I’m nervous.”
“Because you’re a virgin?”
“No,” is his first answer but then bashfully he corrects with, “Well, yeah, kinda. But I’m more nervous about the fact that you’re… not.”
“Not what?”
“A virgin.” He tucks his chin, his voice muted. “I just… I don’t want to disappoint you.” Because Eren knows that you’ve dated several popular guys on campus in the past. Porco Galliard, Colt Grice, even that notorious bad boy, Floch Forster at some point. How can he compete with that? He wants to have sex with you—God, he wants nothing more than to get his dick wet with the girl he’s been in love with for twelve years—but what if you’re not satisfied with him? What if he sucks (no pun intended)? What if he’s supposed to suck but he can’t suck properly? Like sucking on your tits, for example. What if he can’t suck them right? What if—
“I’m a virgin, though,” you say.
“Okay, you can do whatever you want with me. I’m ready.” 
That’s it. That’s all it takes for you to get his consent. The next thing you know, Eren has his shirt bunched up around his chest, your fingers splayed and pressed flat against his stomach. “Damn,” you murmur under your breath, eyes transfixed on the way his muscles tighten underneath your palm. “If I had known you looked like this underneath that hoodie, I wouldn’t have wasted all these months keeping my identity a secret.”
His blush blossoms fast on his face, flinching when he feels your fingertips tracing the dip of his V-line. “I—I thought you were trying to keep your identity a secret to protect me.”
“Well, yeah, that too, but—” You brush your pads against his navel, feeling the little happy trail that disappears behind his jeans. He lets out this little sound, like a mix between a yelp, a whimper, and a moan, and it’s so fucking cute. “I think I’d be okay with you getting kidnapped once a week if I get to do this every day.”
“It feels so weird to have a hot girl talking about me like this, but okay.” Eren, despite how bizarre this conversation is getting, still has his focus on how to break himself free from your webbing. “Can you do something about this, please? It feels sticky on my skin.”
“No.”
“What do you mean 'no?' I can’t touch you if I’m like this!”
“Yes, that is the point, now shut up.” To Eren’s surprise, you casually yank your dress over your head, tossing it haphazardly on the floor and leaving you only in nice lacy lingerie that matches the shade of your lipstick.
“Fuck me,” he mutters under his breath, his gaze quickly shifting down to your chest. He gulps at the sight. “B-badonkers…”
“Excuse me?”
“I mean, your tits—your breasts!” He stammers. “They’re—they’re perfect. Like, the shape of them and how they look so… so soft and…” He clears his throat, realizing just how much lame he’s being. “You know, like a really nice pair of natural, fully functional breasts.”
You scrunch up your nose at his words. “Are you going to be like this the whole time?” You reach one hand behind your back, unclasping your bra.
“I… hope not…” He’s staring with unblinking eyes, practically salivating at the sight of your breasts bouncing once as you position yourself better on his lap. Fuck, they really are perfect. “A-are you sure you’ve never done this before?”
“You mean sex? No.” You lean forward, crawling up his body until you have your face hovering above his again. “Why?”
“You just seem awfully calm and—” You leave him speechless for a good few seconds when you press your breasts against his chest. Eren whines, closing his eyes as he throws his head against the bed. “Fuck.” 
Your lips twitch up into a smirk. “Soft, aren’t they?”
“Like fucking marshmallows.” He dreamily sighs—almost sobbing, really. “Can I have your tits in my mouth, please?”
Perhaps sometime in the future, when you look back into this scene again, you’ll have the biggest cringe moment in your life because what the fuck is he asking but right now, everything just seems so hot, you don’t even care. “Yeah, but maybe later once I’m done with you.” You reward him with a kiss to distract him, stifling his protest. “To tell you the truth, I’ve gone to second base before but I’ve… never gone past that.”
“Oh… Why not?”
“Just didn’t feel like it was the right thing to do at that time,” you answer with a shrug. “I almost did it with Porco but… It felt like I was missing something so I stopped him at the last minute.”
There’s jealousy burning inside him, but the revelation also provides him some relief. “I see…”
You can sense it, the tiny hint of fury raging in his chest and you nuzzle the tip of your nose against his to soothe him down. “Are you jealous?”
“No.” 
He is. He so is. “Would you like it if I said I was waiting for the right person?” You slide down one finger from the middle of his chest to the dip of his belly button. “Waiting for you?”
“N-no.”
He would. He so would. “You’re cute.”
“Stop calling me cute—ah!” A moan is snatched away from the back of his throat the second you grind your hips against him. Even the slightest friction drives him insane and now he has you rubbing your clothed heat against his bulge. “Fuck, baby, that feels good.”
You recall the way he called you by that pet name on that night you shared your first kiss with him, and as pleasant as it was in your ears, this one feels a million times better. It’s laced with urgency, desperation, and need. “Can I take off your jeans?” You ask him, even when your fingers are already playing with his zipper. 
“Are you going to ask me questions the whole time?”
“You said you wanted me to ask for your consent.”
“Yeah, fuck that. Do whatever you want with me. I’m yours.”
You almost laugh. “Well then, don’t mind if I do,” you say, a moment before your lips meet in a frenzied kiss. Eren arches his back, wanting to close every inch of gap between your skins until he feels like you’re completely plastered against him. He can feel your hand sliding down his stomach, toying with the button of his jeans before you push them down to his mid-thighs, along with his briefs. With a sheepish smile, you maintain eye contact as you curl your fingers gently around his shaft.
“How does it feel, Rennie?” You keep your face close, loving his expression. “Feels good?”
His chest rises and falls with rapid breaths, his face scarlet and erotic. “Feels ama—”
Right at that exact moment, Zeke Jaeger comes bursting inside his room with a phone in his hand, recording everything as he shouts, “AHA! CAUGHT YOU GUYS IN 4K! I knew you wouldn’t be studying–” He freezes at the sight of you stroking his sibling’s cock, your naked breasts practically dangling over his face, and for a second, none of you make a sound.
And then, it’s chaos.
The three of you are screaming at the same time, with you quickly grabbing the nearest pillow to cover your front, completely forgetting to throw a blanket on your poor boyfriend who’s practically buck-naked on his bed. Eren, with his wrists still glued to the sheets, can only spout out incoherent words, while his brother, who’s so horrified at the sight of Eren’s cock, spasming and leaking in desperate need of attention, can only stand still, his brain unable to function. It’s only until Eren screams, “ZEKE, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM!” that he returns to his senses, whining out, “DINA, MY BROTHER IS FUCKING BEFORE ME!” as he runs back into the kitchen.
You hastily jump down from the bed, shutting the door and locking it up. “Use your web,” Eren says, “He has a spare key. He can still barge in anytime.”
“I think he saw us,” you utter in horror.
“Yeah.” 
“If I drop him off the building and make it look like an accident, do you think you’ll be okay with that?”
“Will I be okay with you killing my brother after seeing your boobs and catching me getting tied up to my bed and being dominated like a fucking masochist by my girlfriend?” Eren watches his cock wilting away. “Yes.”
“Well, not killing. I’m just gonna punch him hard enough to give him like a massive concussion or something.”
“No, no, no. Let’s just stick to murder. I like murder.”
***
AN: Hi, everyone! It took me a while but I finally got to finish this series. I wanted to write a small epilogue that will feature a funny scene where they get to lose their virginity to each other but since I'm pregnant with my second child now, I don't think I'll have the energy/time to do it, I'm sorry 😭😭😭 I hope you enjoyed the story despite how cringe this is (I'm never gonna do comedy again oh god what was I thinking). Anyway, thank you so much for reading! I'll see you next time!
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ambrosiagourmet · 9 months ago
Note
Has anyone requested Marcille for the ask meme? If not then pls
Marcille!!!!!!!!!
First impression
Gay? Interesting elf girl with a really good design for a female character oh my god thank you. She gets to wear pants!!! It's a miracle!
Impression now
BELOVED HALF-ELF OF MY HEART... most determined member of the party, maybe second only to Laios. Not that it's a competition.
Girl who carries the weight of her existence in her heart everywhere she goes. Girl who doesn't know how to just exist because that would mean surrendering to the things time will take away from her. Girl with bloody knuckles who clings too tightly to the things she loves because she remembers a time when she didn't realize what they meant to her.
Girl who must shape a life too big to hold all at once. Who stares into that impossible task so unflinchingly that you kind of want to tell her to run away from it for a bit. Be a bit more of a coward, Marcille! But she doesn't have time to be a coward!! She's hurtling towards her goals at terminal velocity. But the same love that keeps her tumbling forward also pulls her back from the brink. Because she's still figuring out the balance.
Favorite moment
Rabbit chapter... my god rabbit chapter.........
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Genuinely maybe my favorite chapter in the whole manga. It hits such an incredible peak of humor and raw emotion and impossibly ridiculous situations and grounded believable character writing. And no part of it is separate from the others.
What a fucking chapter. And what a fucking thesis for why Marcille is such a good character. Her being ridiculous and her being incredibly determined and her being powerful and her being scared are ALL part of her. Man. Marcille. She will do anything to pull through for her friends.
And then on top of it the way the Lion takes advantage of this moment to pull her strings. Which is just. So horrifying to watch because you want someone to give her a hug but all the people who would give her a hug are currently DEAD and she's left in a room along and exhausted with a manipulative, abusive, hungry opportunist. God. God. I love Rabbit Part II So Very Much.
Idea for a story
Umm hi sorry I am still busy thinking about Rabbit Part II. Please enjoy some shameless self promotion while I go lie down for a bit.
Unpopular opinion
She's bisexual!!!!! Normally I don't hold so fast to like "well canonically this character was into A Man so she can't be a lesbian blah blah blah" but it does bum me out that people ignore her succubus because I really do think that bi Marcille deserves more love. It doesn't make her any less into women sheesh.
Favorite relationship
Sorry I was thinking about Rabbit Part II again what was the question? Favorite relationship?
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Yeah I dunno maybe Marcille and Laios? I kinda like the part where they rely on each other because there is no other way through and share an unnamed intimacy born in blood and bone and the way that they place impossible burdens on each other and owe each other their lives many times over and neither holds it against the other or asks for the repayment of debts that can never be repaid, choosing instead to keep walking into the future by each others sides because what else can you do. What else can you do.
They are pretty cool I guess. I'm normal about them though. Haha.
Favorite headcanon
I imagine that castle staff help Marcille with her hair on a day-to-day basis because leaving it just to personal friends and family would probably be impractical. But also I think Chilchuck, Laios, Falin, and also especially KABRU all learn enough to help her with it. I think that the first three learn some basic nice stuff but I think Kabru would get really into it.
That man could absolutely intensely hyperfixate on something like "nice hairstyles from another culture" for three to six months and come out the other side an expert.
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musashi · 4 months ago
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You think the brand of people who hate MVK and call him neglectful also hate Misty or does she get a free pass as a Girlboss(TM)
no, they're just as bad to misty (but weirdly fine with morgan?)
honestly the person i compare misty to isn't mvk, it's miles. miles and misty both did the same thing (jouhatsu) but miles is forgiven, rarely held accountable, lauded as morally complex or untouchable because he's twaumatiiiiized but misty is demonized always and forever as a neglectful, absent mother whose love is worthless because of the choice she made.
i've never met a single person in this fandom with a favourable opinion on misty, it's fucking depressing as all hell. meanwhile no one gives a shit about morgan who canonically beats her fucking daughter (amongst many, MANY other things)
how the aa fandom chooses to declare parents abusive has nothing to do with the parents and everything to do with how easy it is to project onto their "victims." case in point:
misty fey: morally complex in canon. maya, while not super popular, is growing as projectionbait due to her self-worth issues & the fact that she's often shipped with franziska who everyone is inexplicably horny for. VERDICT: ABUSER.
morgan fey: abusive in canon. beats her youngest daughter & controls her access to the outside world. manipulated all three of her children into committing attempted murder for her. iris is not projectionbait because she is viewed primarily as a threat to narumitsu and thus despised. dahlia is not projectionbait because she is not mentally ill in a sympathetic way, instead exhibiting severe cluster b tendencies and being "one of the bad ones." no sympathy is given to dahlia despite the fact that she was clearly a severely mentally ill child in need of support. pearl is not projectionbait because people's only perception of her personality is "child" and nothing more. VERDICT: NOT ABUSIVE, SIMPLY A CHARISMATIC VILLAIN.
blaise debeste-winner: abusive in canon. berates his son every single opportunity he gets. i am almost certain he does worse by the end of the game but have not yet finished it. eustace is not projectionbait because he is a narcissist and that is not one of the acceptable mental illnesses, see dahlia. VERDICT: NOT ABUSIVE.
manfred von karma: not abusive in canon, I AM INVITING EVERYONE READING THIS MESSAGE TO COME INTO MY INBOX AND DEBATE ME ON THAT POINT RIGHT NOW. DO IT, COWARD. cartoonishly evil. ridiculously so. so evil that it loops back around into being hilarious. morally complex in that we are rarely allowed to know what he is thinking, and so many interpretations of it arise, rightfully so. miles was made to be projectionbait. punitive view on justice that all the fucking catholics on this website share. canonical post-traumatic stress disorder. attractive young gentleman. shippable with the protagonist. severe guilt complex. deep-seated self loathing. would identify as an "anti" if he were on fandom twitter. depending on your interpretations of canon, suicidal. franziska is debatable projectionbait--being like dahlia in that she is the 'wrong' kind of mentally ill--but she inches ahead into a firm yes because she is a burning-out gifted kid and, again, annoying lesbians on this website want to have sex with her. VERDICT: MANFRED VON KARMA INVENTED CHILD ABUSE AND IF YOU COME AWAY FROM THE TEXT WITH ANY KINDER INTERPRETATION ON HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS KIDS WE WILL UNPERSON YOU ON TWITTER.
i could go on, but i love myself, so i won't.
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16sydd16 · 3 months ago
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Cadina superhero + secret identity au?
Cady's a masked hero and no one knows her identity. Regina's a civilian who unknowingly saves Cady's hero ass one day, not knowing that it's actually Cady.
For this ask game!!
Superhero!AU
It's stupid, really. How Cady's fought some of the most powerful villains in the world and escaped unscathed, and yet, a particularly dry scone is seconds away from taking her out. Thank God for Regina George. She swoops in from the online order line, gives her Cady the heimlich, and calls her an idiot for eating a scone without proper throat lubrication (aka, a bubbly beverage) for 20 minutes. Cady falls in love pretty much immediately.
Regina knows better than to home walk alone late, but she got caught up at work and now it's half past midnight and she's walking along a nearly-deserted street. A large man has been following her for three blocks. She crosses the street and he does too. She's seconds away from kicking off her heels and making a run for it when the man yelps and hits the ground. Regina turns back just to see a small, feminine figure standing over him. The figure throws their hand up in an awkward wave.
Regina gets the sense that someone is watching her on her walk home the next few nights. "I know you're there," she calls out on the fifth night. The sound of impact followed by a quiet oof rings out. "Show your face, coward. If you're going to creep, at least be bold about it." A tiny figure in a skin-tight spandex suit and a mask steps out of the shadows, offering that same awkward wave.
They don't speak, but the figure watches over Regina from the rooftops as she travels home every night for the next week or so, offering an occasional wave. When the purple figure misses a night, Regina is surprised by how upset it makes her. She sees a news story about "the purple people saver" rescuing seventeen people from an apartment building fire and finally puts it all together.
"I know you're the purple people saver," Regina says when she spots the girl the next day. "Which is a shitty name, by the way." The figure laughs.
"What name would you have picked for me, then?" She asks.
"The hot blonde lesbian saver, maybe?" Regina says, and the figure belly laughs.
"Are you hitting on me?" the figure asks, and Regina winks.
"Maybe."
"And what if I'm ugly under the mask?"
"That's a risk I'm willing to take, I suppose," Regina says, the both of them taking steps toward one another until only a couple feet separate them. Regina lifts a hand towards the mask. "Are you willing to risk me exposing you? For a chance to go on a date with the hot blonde lesbian you're obsessed with, of course."
"Of course," the figure says, taking Regina's hand and putting it on the seam of the mask. "Not much of a risk, though, to be honest."
"How come?" Regina asks, slowing tugging at the mask. It falls off of the hero's face, and Regina can't believe her eyes.
"'Fraid you've already seen it. You know, when you saved me from that scone."
Thank you so much for the ask!! My brain is a little fried, but I love the idea of a superhero AU�� Definitely wanna play around with it more in the future!!
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refinedpet · 15 days ago
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Heck it, I'll make a proper pinned
Salutations! Hello! My name is Ashley, your likely not so local, lesbian, early twenties, beautiful trans girlthing with undiagnosed mental problems.
I usually post about Trans stuff, as helping other transfems in any way I can is important to me.
I also post about whatever else is on my mind, I don't really have much of a filter. Usually expect stuff about Video Games.
I also don't hesitate to reblog horny stuff, and I'm a kinky bitch so that filter doesn't exist. Usually not anything with nudity, but no promises. This Blog is 18+ Only.
My old pinned was my award winning post
It makes a great vibe check and did a phenomenal job scaring away chasers. Watch if if you're not a coward
Stuffs I like!!!!:
I play alot of video games, some of my favorite series are Xenoblade Chronicles (This is the quickest way to my heart), Dragon Quest, Pikmin, Fire Emblem (Unfortunate), Kirby, Splatoon, Shin Megami Tensei, Megaman
I love the NeiR series! Fantasy Life and Gnosia are some of my all time favorites.
I've been lifelong way too Pokémon obsessed
I play a wide variety of stuff, and it'd be difficult to name everything. I play a bit of everything but I'm mostly a single player girly and I adore JRPG's.
I used to be more of an anime fan, but don't actively watch new stuff alot. I've seen a ton of anime and read alot of manga.
Stuff like JoJo's Bizzare Adventure, Chainsaw Man, The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, The Pet Girl of Sakuraso, Yuru Yuri, Sailor Moon and many more are very important to me.
As said I'm well experienced in anime, and love getting to talk about it with people.
I'm likely to do the occasional horny post, but usually don't reblog or post nudity. Still this Blog is 18+
I'm a kinky bitch, and have spent alot of time in online lewd role play communities. As a result I'm desensitized to alot of it and very casual about things.
I've been called a succubus alot, and have a history of awakening new kinks in people.
If I ever make a NSFW sideblog I'll give more specifics there. But I'm always down to talk with girls (18+) about stuff!
Alright, wrap it up already:
Now, here's a collection of thoughts and things I couldn't be bothered to fit in naturally anywhere.
The tag I use for my original posts is #Ashley.txt if you want to see just them and not the mass of stuff I reblog. Fot older ones I used #skyla.ramble if you wanna see those. Yes Skyla is not my name anymore, no I'm not changing the tag, You have to earn calling me that.
As stated before my name is Ashley! I prefer Ashey as a nickname over Ash. And I encourage people to spell it however they like best. Having some people say Ashy or Ashie is cute! You can call me Ash, but don't call me that exclusively.
I'm a She/Her - It/It's Girly. Those are the ones I fuck with. Referring to me with It/It's is the way to my heart, but I like being called both.
I'm an attention whore
I love Chappell Roan
I meow and bite, don't worry about it
Mutuals are always so incredibly welcome and encouraged to send me a DM or ask for my Discord (that's where I prefer talking)
I love all transfems. No matter what arbitrary reason you have that makes you think you're not enough or worthy of it. All trans people have a space in this community. You are so incredibly important 💖
Okay, I've gone on for more than long enough. I'll add to this if I ever need to
Have some pictures of me to finish off because I'm hot as hell
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stellaluna33 · 5 months ago
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As someone who might be on the ace spectrum myself (I'm still not sure, I don't like labels, but a lot of the descriptions people give ring true to me), I LOVE the idea that Jess might also be on the ace spectrum. Especially since we don't see him with ANYONE besides Shane and Rory. And even with Shane, he's so PASSIVE. I'm trying to remember if he even has an adventurous past before he comes to Stars Hollow, or if people (*coughLorelaicough*) just assume that he does because of how he looks. As someone who is (and I don't mean to brag but) often checked out by others, just because you're attractive doesn't mean you are attracted to others. And just because you can play the game doesn't mean you feel the feelings.
Like, I can write romance and smut convincingly and I've never been in love OR wanted to have sex with someone. But I've read a lot and watched a lot and listened to a lot, and we all know that Jess is even MORE pop culture savvy than the majority of people. Of course he can play the part. It's easy. It doesn't mean it's real.
I dunno, I just wanted you to know that I LOVE this headcanon, whether it's serious for you or not, and it's probably gonna change the way I see him (for the better). 💜
Thank you. 🥺 I really appreciate you saying this. And don't let me be a coward and try to pull back from this, because while I DO think the idea has comedic potential, I do also think about it seriously. I'm not MARRIED to the idea (haha), as I kind of hold it in tandem with several other possible readings of the character, but I do think it's both believable and very interesting!
We actually don't know ANYTHING about Jess's past, besides that Liz said he was "staying out late and getting in trouble" or something, and that he knows how to tap a keg. That's IT! And none of that tells us anything about any sexual history or lack thereof! And obviously, that doesn't mean he WASN'T doing anything... but it doesn't mean that he WAS either. Anything is possible and people can imagine whatever they want, is what I'm saying. So yeah... I do think that people (including Lorelai) only assume he has experience because of how he looks (and because he appears to have, uh, good "technique." Haha! But, um, some people are just naturals at picking that up and paying attention to people's reactions). And exactly as you said, "just because you're attractive doesn't mean you are attracted to others." Look at Marilyn Monroe, for example (actually, funnily enough, one of the people who got me thinking about this).
And while I personally think it's entirely likely that he HAS had at least some experience, like you said, that doesn't say anything about how he felt about it. I mean, Paris has canonically had more enthusiastically sexual relationships with men than Jess has had with ANYONE, and yet a lot of people still think it's perfectly believable that she's a lesbian... So I don't see how this is different?
To be clear, I DO think he felt EVERYTHING for and with Rory. But I think it's entirely possible that that was the first time he'd ever really WANTED someone before. I think maybe he doesn't feel it very often, but very intensely when he does. But again, this is just a headcanon. I don't find it morally superior to other people's headcanons, so there's no reason to feel threatened by it. But do I think it's believable? Yeah! Do I think it's interesting? Yeah, I do! I think it's a FASCINATING possibility! DO I also think the idea of him never feeling for anyone else what he felt for Rory is kind of romantic too? YEAH! I DO! Sue me!!! He is a fictional character and I am having fun with this! Other people are free to imagine him differently!
Anyway, it makes me so happy that this has resonated with you and it means so much to me that you would share your thoughts and experiences with me. Thank you so much. 🥺🖤
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ravenadottir · 1 year ago
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i started playing season 6, and i've got shit to say for the half of dozen people that are still following me in this cobweb infested blog (i apologize, i'll be explaining what's happening on a different post)
i'm only on day 2 of the season, right when it's announced that roberto is coming (which is so disappointing to me that he isn't brazilian but portuguese, like... WHEN ARE WE GETTING A GOOD BRAZILIAN CHARACTER????)
anyway, here are my thoughts:
WRITING:
i actually didn't see much of a problem with it so far. it feels on par with similar conversations we had in the past, except this time we're getting to know them a little deeper than, say, season 3.
knowing bella's family situation or roberto's is kind of refreshing because we barely learned bobby had a sister on a throwaway scene on s2, so... yeah, it's ok.
i like how they express themselves because as an litg player, i'm used to some eloquence, but as someone who sometimes watches the show i HAVE to suspend my disbelief since i know islanders from the show are just... NOT GOOD AT EXPRESSING THEMSELVES, to say the least.
i like the conversations we had so far, it felt fluid and fun, but then again i've only coupled up with jamal, because obviousoly i did, who would i go for, fucking ryan? WAKE UP.
the challenges piled up but because of how many dialogues we had in this little time i think it worked pretty well.
CHARACTERS:
grace - girl, it's been a day and ozzy is not even that hot. HAVE YOU SEEN YOURSELF? he's punching, not you. chill. (and i hate they're giving the intensity they gave hope here, feels bitterly familiar and they better fucking knock it off).
bella - FINALLY a girl i like who's available and slutty (affectionate) since the beginning. i absolutely think bella might be right there with talia when it comes to arc as an LI, but we'll see. if anyone dares stealing her or if fusebox even make the slight suggestion of a slowburn i'm burning their HQ idc
ivy - alright i see you bootleg marisol, but i don't give a shit, you're annoying, die in a hole.
amelia - i think she's putting a front and deflecting the negative attention to ivy but that's just me. also, the twist of the public choosing who she should couple up with before she could tell us is extremely dumb and unnecessary, but also a reason for her to say a different name later, maintaining her image of good sister. i don't trust her, i WILL step on her head to the finale, die in a pit you're also annoying.
jamal - i like the attention but everything with moderation gives me way more tingles than a crybaby that can't stop talking about how he wants to be with me again. we were coupled up for a few hours and only had one conversation, chill bitch. it's giving ted mosby and every himym fan knows how bad that is. i'm not sure if every guy that the public chooses to be with amelia on night 1 acts the same, but i'm slightly turned off. it's too much boy, calm down, i'm here to be a slut, calm down.
ryan - get a haircut or let it grow because looking twelve and the coolest lesbian at the same time is not the look for you. its giving hipster with a chemistry kit at the local café.. also, either you're the douchey musician or a bad poet, you can't be both, PICK A STRUGGLE.
lewie - the impersonation of being stuck in traffic. i don't care for you, die in the same hole as ivy and amelia.
ozzy - fucking pulling the noah, man. i've seen this before and i'm not interested. stop being such a coward and tell grace how you feel. i know for a fact you're gonna be drama and it's because you refuse to be honest. it's so embarrassing, bestie.
roberto - HOT. i only saw the preview but i'm excited.
PACING
it's great. i think it was kind of weird how fast and furious it was with some previous seasons (remember the last season i played was 3 and half of 4 {it was soooo tedious i gave up half way through}) but i think so far it's ok. it definitely has better cliffhangers than other times when they thought they tried their darnedest.
OBSERVATIONS WITH SCREENSHOTS:
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there's no fucking way they thought these were worth diamonds. and 22 diamonds for that frufru purple shit??? it looks like something who doesn't sew would put together with a hot glue gun, stop.
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ivy i might kill you like they kill one of those vampires at the end of the twilight saga, by opening your mouth so wide it cracks off your skull. SHUT - UP.
and amelia... you're irrelevant, get out.
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BUDDY, YOU'RE THE MOUTHPIECE OF THE GROUP NOW, HOLY SHIT. grace has me on my knees, i can't.-
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bitch, we did! i kissed you in the challenge. EXCUSE YOUR BEAUTIFUL SELF! (also, for the breasts appreciators, i feel you, boobs are great, really! but like, those... two... lines... coming out of the bikini???? yeah, that is actually what gets me. you didn't need to know but i told you anyway, because i'm happy bella is hot and cool and i don't know how to shut up when i'm love, leave me alone!) whoever designed her knew EXACTLY what they were doing.
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I LOVE GRACE. I JUST DO.
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i'll give ryan some cool points because 1, he burned ivy in front of everyone, and 2, he admitted and owned up to it. good for you, bestie, good luck when you take a trip to the hair salon and get rid of that... hair. also, STOP SKIPPING LEG DAY BUDDY. from the waist up it's giving "abs, hot, i go to the gym", from the waist down is giving "i'm twelve and there's a reason i go to the beach in pants".
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bella and grace looking naked and glamorous but feeling threatened by this ugly ass dress is the funniest joke in the writing so far. truly. i've had mermaid costumes at 4 years of age less embarrassing than this atrocity. stop lying, bella and grace, YOU'RE BOTH NAKED AND PERFECT.
and that's what i have to say so far. i'll continue playing this season until they inevitably fuck up. i'm not being pessimistic, i'm just... well, i guess i am. but i have no reason to believe otherwise.
also, i keep forgetting ozzy is here even though it's been a day. idk why.
anyways, i'll come back with more litg brain rot in a bit.
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beevean · 2 months ago
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What did you think of Olrox from Nocturne?
Personally, I couldn't care much about him. They put so much focus on him that he's more of a main character than the actual protagonists of Nocturne. Not to mention, his romantic subplot with Mizrak came out of nowhere and it's only there for "diversity", but I considered it to be a waste of time that should've been spent on anything else.
On top of that, it seems like the writers are desperately pushing to make him likeable for someone who killed Richter's mom and caused his trauma in the opening episode. If the writers decide to pull an Abby (from The Last of Us) on N!Olrox and give him a redemption arc or make Richter forgive him enough to not kill him in the next season, I'm gonna riot.
I would say they split Isaac into two characters: Olrox got the alleged moral complexity, and Annette got the favoritism :P
Anyway, in a show that has regressed to the level of "vampires are 100% evil bastards with no souls", quite a far cry from the original show's insistence that vampires are actually a noble superior race with a culture and all, Olrox feels like he wants to recapture that sort of "depth", being evil but still principled enough to fall in love and go against Sun Thundercat. In practice, I stopped taking him seriously the moment he let little Richter live, because my good man, wouldn't a more appropriate revenge against Julia be killing the brat and forcing the mother to live through the pain? C'mon game Isaac understood this! Leaving the child alive and allowing him to grow up with a grudge is so fucking stupid, it was mentioned in the Evil Overlord List written in 1990 😭 "All younger siblings, spouses, children, students, and old army buddies of an enemy I have just killed will be hunted down to prevent them from attacking me at some future point in a quest for vengeance."
I'm also betting that the moment they reveal more of Olrox, or force him to take a stand, he'll lose most of his charm. In S1, his allure comes from him being a wild card, other than him being hot: the moment he becomes yet another one of Richter's allies, he'll have very little for himself other than his sexiness. Kind of like a male Lenore, now that I think about it, although her hotness was enough that she still has fans and Olrox has yet to rape be a BDSM king to Mizrak :P
Speaking of which! I actually don't mind the relationship between the two. One, we finally moved past from the cliché of lesbians solely defined by their relationship cutely holding hands like Striga and Morana. The original show was a coward that played it safe, and it had the chance of giving Alucard a boyfriend if he was meant to be bi for reasons other than making his rape scene more palatable, but no, he got yet another sassy girlfriend. By contrast, the chemistry between Olrox and Mizrak is positively smoldering, and they do have the relationship issues you'd expect from two who jumped into bed before even learning each other's names lmao. At this point, if every character is allowed more love and care than Richer, I'd rather spend time with these two disasters than Maria, Annette or Alucard.
Of course, that doesn't make them great, and it's because Olrox tries too hard to be hot and tragic, and the most memorable thing about Mizrak is that he looks like Agent Stone from the Sonic movies hjdfkshdk - oh, and alright it is very funny that a man of the cloth apparently stops being religious the moment a piece of vampire ass sways in front of him.
"it seems like the writers are desperately pushing to make him likeable for someone who killed Richter's mom" the original show wanted you to cry for a vampire lord planning to slaughter all humankind and vampirekind in a long agonizing death because 😭wife died😭, a jihadist who killed people for being rude to him and then defiled his corpses to make himself an army because he was ✨philosophical✨, and an abusive rapist willingly engaging in slavery and aiding continental conquest who got a bit 🥺sad🥺 that her friends were pushing her to the side. Olrox is just keeping the tradition of being an unfairly sympathetic antagonist contrasting a much more shallow one, Carmilla/Sun Thundercat - and while his sin is nothing compared to those other three, the idea that we should blame Julia for killing his vampire bf is just tiring, because 1) in this setting vampires are nothing more than greedy monsters, I don't feel sympathy for one we don't even see in flashbacks; 2) it reminds me too much of Alucard being a cunt to Trevor because the Belmonts kept vampire child skulls in the hold, which was a way to tell us that the Belmonts were "morally grey"; 3) will you stop shitting on the whole Belmont clan for fuck's sake?
Anyway, Olrox is far from being the worst part of the show, but I have no faith in how they're going to develop his character while still keeping up the intrigue.
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respectthepetty · 1 year ago
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I was just minding my own business today when I saw a video by Star Hunter celebrating 1 year since Big Dragon.
which made me realise this: WHERE IS BIG DRAGON THE MOVIE? OR BIG DRAGON SEASON 2 FOR THAT MATTER? STAR HUNTER?????????
DO YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW?!
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WHY DO YOU WANT TO HURT ME MORE WITH THESE FACTS?!
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God damn it, Star Hunter! Why are you doing this to me?!
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I love Big Dragon, unironically and passionately, yet I'm standing here a year later with nothing but MosBank in Club Friday, which I also loved, and their various live videoS where Cooheart constantly tries to convince me they are really dating. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT?!
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If Red Peafowl gives me YinWar or MosBank as the leads, I will forgive all of that show's shenanigans leading up to the announcement. Cooheart being a part of it has me convinced that MosBank could be a possibility, and like . . .
I JUST MISS THEM!
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I'd rather have Big Dragon 2, so I can get the Story of Turtle, but is this going on the shelf with Transplant and HIStory 18: Freed? Why does BL Land not want my guaranteed revenue? Give me my second seasons, you cowards!
WHAT ABOUT THE LESBIANS?!
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WHAT ABOUT THE BODYGAURDS?!
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WHAT ABOUT ME?!
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I'm going to cry in my tea now.
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