#JOEL MURDERING A WHOLE GROUP OF GUYS WHILE HE'S STILL SICK AND HURT BECAUSE HIS DAUGHTER IS IN DANGER???

[thatlavenderblue]

GOOD FUCKING LORD OMG WHAT I DKAPJJDKEKZLALAKDB

The Last Of Us show is really consuming my brain in a way that I couldn't have predicted

[spottedseal-archive]

tying in with the forgiveness meta. it’s not as though owen had completely forgiven joel but he had, in a sense, moved on. with his relationship with abby over it was easier to try and heal from the pain that was caused in salt lake by joel murdering family and friends, without a constant reminder — he didn’t hold any resentment for abby, in fact, he wished he could do more for her, but he could only watched as she was utterly and completely consumed by her revenge. owen was in an okay headspace, i should also add in that, no, he hadn’t completely gotten over abby, i don’t think he would have ever gotten over her, abby is his one true love, and ya’ll can fight me on this… it sucks for mel and owen is a dick for even involving himself with her to begin with but he HAD moved on… or so he thought. he thought abby was no longer the person he fell in love with, he THOUGHT he fell out of love with her, but there was always that tiny feeling in his chest that stiffened whenever abby was around or mentioned, she still had a piece of him. it was very apparent and even before the whole kill joel mission he and mel were having problems with their relationship — though nothing they could have worked through, as they had been together for a whole year, things were serious between them.

> A: you guys doing okay? dating life’s good? > O: uhh... ( at this point he kinda scoffs ) for the most part. yeah, i mean... she can be really sweet.

i think that owen had opened up to mel a lot about his feelings about getting revenge on joel and the whole situation, most of the time owen is an open book, he will tell people how he feels, and usually he is shut down — he tries to avoid a lot to save himself from the heartache or save others the headache. 

after abby tells owen about finding tommy, the first things to pop into owens head is that by luck he’ll have everyone else on his side, if not all of them, at the very least mel would be… but abby had told them all and all of them agreed, mel included, that hurt him, he felt betrayed, but not just by mel by everyone who had agreed, his whole friend group, the people who he had painted onto the walls of his aquarium, his home… owen loves his friends a lot so of course he would agree to go with them, and to be honest there was always a part of him that did crave the revenge that they all sought, but he tried to bury that part of him in the past and move on and try to live life looking forward, instead of being led by revenge. because owen is honestly curious and being led by his own buried revenge and also wants to support abby and the others… he goes along.

he finds it hard to sleep most nights they’re out hunting tommy to get information about joel — his thoughts keep him up, he keeps searching for ways to get them all to see reason, for them all to just turn back and take their lives back instead of letting this consume them, just move on and let themselves be happy because all of their fallen friends and family would have wanted nothing more than that, but he could never think of the right words — when he found out mel was pregnant, due to her acting strange, he was determined to head back so mel and the baby could get the medical attention they would require, he was definitely not about to let mel continue this mission, and he hoped all of them would see reason and agree that it would be best to turn back no matter how far they had gotten, mel was much more important than revenge. 

when he finds jackson, his first thought is to keep it to himself, he doesn’t want anyone else to know about it, still hoping they’ll all change their minds and go back, but after careful thought he figures with mel being pregnant and a whole settlement that the others would get skittish, and wary of the whole mission… as they should be, it was more a suicide mission than anything at this point — who knows how many people resided in jackson and if whether or not they were hostile, owen didn’t want to find out. when he tells abby he hopes to some holy being that she’d see it that way — but she doesn’t… instead her intentions seems to be more focused on killing joel, knowing that she won’t see reason or listen to anything he has to say, due to him hurting her and her expressing her feelings of betrayal to him, owen returns to the lodge, hoping that abby will eventually come to her senses…

in returning to the lodge, he has nothing to do but wait, as abby is in charge of this op, there’s nothing he can do. owen felt his relationship on the rocks with the others as he disagreed with their motives, he felt left out from the others due to his own opinions not matching up to theirs, his friends are the most important people in his life — he’d lay his life down for any one of them, so that really messed him up, it made him feel like he was alone, though it was just personally his own feelings, he was caught up in his own thoughts and his want for them all to be better, himself included. the nagging feeling in the back of his head that urged him to see this through and get revenge for all those lost was consistently there to remind him of the darkness he held in his heart.

when abby shows up with tommy and joel, owen is skeptical, he hates this — she has brought these two, at the time strangers, into their safe space… once realization hits he can feel his blood began to boil — feelings he’d kept deep within him, feelings he never wanted to feel again. he just wants it to be over with, this man who had taken everything from them was right in front of them and yet owen still couldn’t bring himself to do much… he gets involved as soon as mel, his pregnant girlfriend at the time, gets close to joel, he warns joel not to move, he’s worried about mel getting hurt in this revenge mission — he cares greatly for mel and their baby growing inside of her.

while abby and the others are torturing joel, owen has to leave the room, because he finds himself feeling a bit sick — he looks around the room and suddenly its filled with strangers, he can hardly even recognize himself… they have stooped so low that they would torment this man who had previously saved one of their own, they should be thanking him… but they repay the kindness with brutal torture… owen is torn and takes a moment to breathe, mel follows him — at this time he feels betrayed still, he and mel were together for a year… ready to celebrate their one year anniversary and she chose to go on a revenge mission with abby without speaking to him about it, knowing that joel is the reason he and abby broke up… knowing that abbys lust for revenge drove him away from her, he can’t even bring himself to look at mel. he just sits and speaks about how this is wrong and how they shouldn’t be here and they could have been happy… because at least they still had each other.

when owen enters the room again it’s because he hears the ruckus that ellie causes — he takes a nice long look at ellie — his heart breaks for her, and to see joel barely alive brings forth a sour taste in his mouth. he finally steps up and tells abby to end it — no matter how badly he had wanted it before this had gone on too long and before they lost their humanity they needed to end it. 

owen already felt like an outsider within the salt lake group, but he felt even more like an outsider when he had to fight to protect ellies life, she was an innocent girl who the others looked at as loose ends… mel even agreed that both ellie and tommy should be killed — owen refused to become like joel and just massacre people… like i stated before he saw abby in this girl and somewhere in the back of his head he knew she may end up just like abby he couldn’t let any of them kill her, because there’s no justification, ellie and tommy didn’t do anything, they were innocent… they only wanted to protect their family. owen was willing to fight all of them on that — another moment when he felt like it was him against the salt lake crew, his dear friends… needless to say his relationships with them were never the same… he couldn’t look at them, nor himself on the way back.. they brutally killed a man in front of this girl who may have been his daughter, in the same room as his brother… owen was left feeling numb to everything. 

as they returned owen spent a while locked in his room — until he finally spilled to mel, he spilled his whole feelings on the situation and then just told her he had enough and couldn’t do this anymore — that was the last he had spoken to mel before keeping himself busy with missions. he wanted to avoid not just mel but all of the others from the salt lake crew, so much so that he would have danny as his partner — the feelings never left him… and eventually when it came down to killing that scar, he couldn’t he saw a tired old man… same he saw with joel — that haunted him so much, he couldn’t sleep without seeing that weak old man ( joel ) lying there just ready to give up, and the old scar who gave him that same look, he was done fighting after that moment, because he felt himself becoming a monster, becoming someone who he didn’t like… someone without morals, or a heart…. someone who had abandoned humanity.

[sealspotsa]

tying in with the forgiveness meta. it’s not as though owen had completely forgiven joel but he had, in a sense, moved on. with his relationship with abby over it was easier to try and heal from the pain that was caused in salt lake by joel murdering family and friends, without a constant reminder — he didn’t hold any resentment for abby, in fact, he wished he could do more for her, but he could only watched as she was utterly and completely consumed by her revenge. owen was in an okay headspace, i should also add in that, no, he hadn’t completely gotten over abby, i don’t think he would have ever gotten over her, abby is his one true love, and ya’ll can fight me on this… it sucks for mel and owen is a dick for even involving himself with her to begin with but he HAD moved on… or so he thought. he thought abby was no longer the person he fell in love with, he THOUGHT he fell out of love with her, but there was always that tiny feeling in his chest that stiffened whenever abby was around or mentioned, she still had a piece of him. it was very apparent and even before the whole kill joel mission he and mel were having problems with their relationship — though nothing they could have worked through, as they had been together for a whole year, things were serious between them.

> A: you guys doing okay? dating life’s good? > O: uhh… ( at this point he kinda scoffs ) for the most part. yeah, i mean… she can be really sweet.

i think that owen had opened up to mel a lot about his feelings about getting revenge on joel and the whole situation, most of the time owen is an open book, he will tell people how he feels, and usually he is shut down — he tries to avoid a lot to save himself from the heartache or save others the headache.

after abby tells owen about finding tommy, the first things to pop into owens head is that by luck he’ll have everyone else on his side, if not all of them, at the very least mel would be… but abby had told them all and all of them agreed, mel included, that hurt him, he felt betrayed, but not just by mel by everyone who had agreed, his whole friend group, the people who he had painted onto the walls of his aquarium, his home… owen loves his friends a lot so of course he would agree to go with them, and to be honest there was always a part of him that did crave the revenge that they all sought, but he tried to bury that part of him in the past and move on and try to live life looking forward, instead of being led by revenge. because owen is honestly curious and being led by his own buried revenge and also wants to support abby and the others… he goes along.

he finds it hard to sleep most nights they’re out hunting tommy to get information about joel — his thoughts keep him up, he keeps searching for ways to get them all to see reason, for them all to just turn back and take their lives back instead of letting this consume them, just move on and let themselves be happy because all of their fallen friends and family would have wanted nothing more than that, but he could never think of the right words — when he found out mel was pregnant, due to her acting strange, he was determined to head back so mel and the baby could get the medical attention they would require, he was definitely not about to let mel continue this mission, and he hoped all of them would see reason and agree that it would be best to turn back no matter how far they had gotten, mel was much more important than revenge.

when he finds jackson, his first thought is to keep it to himself, he doesn’t want anyone else to know about it, still hoping they’ll all change their minds and go back, but after careful thought he figures with mel being pregnant and a whole settlement that the others would get skittish, and wary of the whole mission… as they should be, it was more a suicide mission than anything at this point — who knows how many people resided in jackson and if whether or not they were hostile, owen didn’t want to find out. when he tells abby he hopes to some holy being that she’d see it that way — but she doesn’t… instead her intentions seems to be more focused on killing joel, knowing that she won’t see reason or listen to anything he has to say, due to him hurting her and her expressing her feelings of betrayal to him, owen returns to the lodge, hoping that abby will eventually come to her senses…

in returning to the lodge, he has nothing to do but wait, as abby is in charge of this op, there’s nothing he can do. owen felt his relationship on the rocks with the others as he disagreed with their motives, he felt left out from the others due to his own opinions not matching up to theirs, his friends are the most important people in his life — he’d lay his life down for any one of them, so that really messed him up, it made him feel like he was alone, though it was just personally his own feelings, he was caught up in his own thoughts and his want for them all to be better, himself included. the nagging feeling in the back of his head that urged him to see this through and get revenge for all those lost was consistently there to remind him of the darkness he held in his heart.

when abby shows up with tommy and joel, owen is skeptical, he hates this — she has brought these two, at the time strangers, into their safe space… once realization hits he can feel his blood began to boil — feelings he’d kept deep within him, feelings he never wanted to feel again. he just wants it to be over with, this man who had taken everything from them was right in front of them and yet owen still couldn’t bring himself to do much… he gets involved as soon as mel, his pregnant girlfriend at the time, gets close to joel, he warns joel not to move, he’s worried about mel getting hurt in this revenge mission — he cares greatly for mel and their baby growing inside of her.

while abby and the others are torturing joel, owen has to leave the room, because he finds himself feeling a bit sick — he looks around the room and suddenly its filled with strangers, he can hardly even recognize himself… they have stooped so low that they would torment this man who had previously saved one of their own, they should be thanking him… but they repay the kindness with brutal torture… owen is torn and takes a moment to breathe, mel follows him — at this time he feels betrayed still, he and mel were together for a year… ready to celebrate their one year anniversary and she chose to go on a revenge mission with abby without speaking to him about it, knowing that joel is the reason he and abby broke up… knowing that abbys lust for revenge drove him away from her, he can’t even bring himself to look at mel. he just sits and speaks about how this is wrong and how they shouldn’t be here and they could have been happy… because at least they still had each other.

when owen enters the room again it’s because he hears the ruckus that ellie causes — he takes a nice long look at ellie — his heart breaks for her, and to see joel barely alive brings forth a sour taste in his mouth. he finally steps up and tells abby to end it — no matter how badly he had wanted it before this had gone on too long and before they lost their humanity they needed to end it.

owen already felt like an outsider within the salt lake group, but he felt even more like an outsider when he had to fight to protect ellies life, she was an innocent girl who the others looked at as loose ends… mel even agreed that both ellie and tommy should be killed — owen refused to become like joel and just massacre people… like i stated before he saw abby in this girl and somewhere in the back of his head he knew she may end up just like abby he couldn’t let any of them kill her, because there’s no justification, ellie and tommy didn’t do anything, they were innocent… they only wanted to protect their family. owen was willing to fight all of them on that — another moment when he felt like it was him against the salt lake crew, his dear friends… needless to say his relationships with them were never the same… he couldn’t look at them, nor himself on the way back.. they brutally killed a man in front of this girl who may have been his daughter, in the same room as his brother… owen was left feeling numb to everything.

as they returned owen spent a while locked in his room — until he finally spilled to mel, he spilled his whole feelings on the situation and then just told her he had enough and couldn’t do this anymore — that was the last he had spoken to mel before keeping himself busy with missions. he wanted to avoid not just mel but all of the others from the salt lake crew, so much so that he would have danny as his partner — the feelings never left him… and eventually when it came down to killing that scar, he couldn’t he saw a tired old man… same he saw with joel — that haunted him so much, he couldn’t sleep without seeing that weak old man ( joel ) lying there just ready to give up, and the old scar who gave him that same look, he was done fighting after that moment, because he felt himself becoming a monster, becoming someone who he didn’t like… someone without morals, or a heart…. someone who had abandoned humanity.

[being-worthy]

The Last of Us Part II – Adding my two cents to the game

Just so we’re clear, let’s establish a few things first:

MAJOR TLOU II SPOILERS AHEAD!!

I also spoiled myself ahead because I needed to know what would happen to Joel and Ellie… and the ending as well.

I’ve played the first one. I liked how it ended and totally support the ending!

I haven’t played the 2nd part but I’m watching the playthrough on YouTube in small doses. My heart can’t take much of it at once lol (and being poor and paying of debt for a loved one is no fun because I don’t have much money to spend on myself).

Right now, I’m at the part where Joel goes with Ellie to the museum for her birthday – it’s so cute and fatherly and my heart can’t take how bittersweet this is …

The 2nd part was rushed and has some bugs that could’ve been avoided, whether you like it or not. That’s a fact and we’re here for the facts not the truth (if you want the truth join a philosophy course).

The parts with Abby are too long, more than what they should’ve been and her vengeance is 💩.

English is not being my first language but I do my best (that’s all I can do).

I’m listening to Bryan Adams and Richard Max while writing this because I’m still not over Joel…

You may voice your opinion but remember this is my space! Be respectful at all times and absolute no hate here!

The first part ended with Joel bringing an unconscious Ellie to the hospital where the last Fireflies are, she almost drowned and he had to perform CPR on her. He’s rendered unconscious too and wakes up on a hospital bed with Marlene and Ethan (the guy who hit Joel in the head with the butt of his rifle) in the room.

That’s when he starts asking where Ellie is and Marlene informs him that she’s not his problem anymore and being prepped for surgery. Here, we need to note the following things: Marlene had sworn to Ellie’s mother to protect and to keep her from harm’s way but TAKES the decision to practically sentence her to death and yeah, she gives a speech that it’s not easy for her either yada yada yada but it’s all bs. The reason why is because:

a)     making a decision refers more to the process and is something that takes time, while taking a decision is the act of deciding something that happens in an instant. Ultimately, Marlene decides for HER!! What about ‘my body, my decision’? Or in this case ‘her body, her decision’? It doesn’t matter if it’s related to an abortion or having your skull opened, the same principle should be applied!

She even says to Joel ‘because this isn’t about me. Or even her. There is no other choice here’. – Firstly, there’s always another choice! Secondly, Joel replies to her saying ‘yeah, you keep telling yourself that bullshit’ and he’s right, it’s total and utter bullshit. Even later on, when he’s carrying Ellie into the parking lot (I believe it was a parking lot), he tells her ‘that ain’t for you to decide’. Again, he’s right. It isn’t Marlene’s decision nor his but Ellie is still unconscious, so what do you want to do? Let them butcher her open? He crossed with her through half the country and ended up caring profoundly for her – she became like a daughter to him. He doesn’t have an on and off switch to turn off his feelings towards Ellie. Moreover, do tell me, if you’d like a doctor or someone else TAKE such a decision for you, instead of waiting for you to wake up and then tell you about the procedure and what this will entail. I get freaking furious whenever someone takes a decision for me or without asking me first.

b)     Neither she nor the doctor wait for Ellie to regain consciousness and since she’s unconscious, they see it as the perfect importunity to just go ahead and rummage in her brain to see if there’s something that could help them developing a vaccine or a cure.

c)     That’s another thing. They had zero guarantees, not even a 0.1 percentage of probability that they’d find something – nothing, nada, zilch. Just a hunch and maybe in an apocalyptic world for some people this might be enough but then why not wait until she wakes up and tell her ‘we don’t know for sure if your immunity will help us finding a cure or a vaccine. So that’s why we need to open your skull and see what makes you immune which ultimately, will kill you’ (in some nicer words though lol). Because they know she might not fully agree with it and they give a sh*t about what she thinks/wants and have that narrow military/cult mindset of ‘a sacrifice for the greater good’ and/or wouldn’t care either way because she’s a kid. I’m no fan of sacrificing one or a dozen people to save billions. If we can’t save them all or at least try our damn hardest, then we’re doing something terribly wrong! Also, she’s a freaking kid!! She hasn’t seen much and has her whole life ahead, doesn’t matter if it’s in the apocalypse. The thought that they’re willing to sacrifice her, a kid, without batting an eye shows me that all Fireflies are terrorists.

d)     Now to the doctor (the one with the scalpel) – according to the internet this guy was Abby’s father and his murder was why she tortured and slaughtered Joel. First things first, every doctor has to take on a Hippocratic oath. There are many different variations but they all come from an old one that states the following:

… I will apply dietetic measures for the benefit of the sick according to my ability and judgment; I will keep them from harm and injustice.

I will neither give a deadly drug to anybody if asked for it, nor will I make a suggestion to this effect. Similarly, I will not give to a woman an abortive remedy. In purity and holiness, I will guard my life and my art.

I will not use the knife, not even on sufferers from stone, but will withdraw in favour of such men as are engaged in this work.

Whatever houses I may visit, I will come for the benefit of the sick, remaining free of all intentional injustice, of all mischief and in particular of sexual relations with both female and male persons, be they free or slaves.

… If I fulfil this oath and do not violate it, may it be granted to me to enjoy life and art, being honoured with fame among all men for all time to come; if I transgress it and swear falsely, may the opposite of all this be my lot.

The doctor doesn’t keep her from harm or injustice, he isn’t even there for her well-being, only to see how her brain ticks. So, that immense violation of his oath doesn’t make him a doctor anymore but a BUTCHER and don’t come to me with ‘but it’s the apocalypse or it’s for the greater good blah blah blah’, then how better are we compared to rapists and people who murder out of fun? If we throw our principles out of the window just because it’s the apocalypse and/or it’s for the greater good, then with all due respect we all should just go ahead and jump from a building and burn in hell.

e)     I got to the part where Joel and Ellie went to the museum for her birthday and at the end there’s a graffiti that says ‘liars’ with the fireflies’ symbol above. Even at the end, their own members saw that they Fireflies were only a bunch full of hot air and nothing else. They ended up being terrorists and forgot what they once stood and fought for.

So, taking all this into consideration - who wouldn’t have saved her? And yes, Joel saves her out of selfishness, so what? True, that he didn’t tell her the truth either, but can you resent him for this? He’d have to tell her that Marlene betrayed her, betrayed her trust and her mother’s trust in her and was willing to let her die and let her body being violated (rape is not the only way to violate someone’s body – FYI). This would have impacted Ellie’s state of mind too. She’d have ended up resenting Marlene and the Fireflies or worse. She had gone through so much already and didn’t need more on her plate. So, he spared her that betrayal and resentment.

Now let’s talk a bit more about Joel. Joel is no saint or hero but no villain either. He’s just a man who was willing to doom the whole already-damned world to protect the girl he adopted. He does what he needs in order to survive but within some reason and hasn’t lost his humanity (it’s just deeply hidden in him), he’s a person trying to survive. He tortures people - yes, but only to get information and makes sure to end them quickly afterwards. I agree that one of the main things you’ve to do during such times, is to adapt or you’ll die or worse. In the 1st part he’s rough, tough, strong, stubborn, resilient, experienced in the world he lives in and wary of strangers (just remember that scene on the highway with the stranger pretending to be hurt and Joel knew from the moment he saw him that it was a trap), someone you don’t want to mess with, etc. On the other hand, there’s this other side of him where he teaches Ellie to swim, tries to joke with her, to play the guitar, takes her to beautiful places, he takes her to a museum with dinosaurs and stuff from space, that proves he’s capable for carrying deeply for someone, in this case Ellie, and don’t get me started on the gift he gives her when they’re in the space capsule (!!), and so on. Ellie and Joel have this great dynamic. Then in the 2nd part, they made him to be so trustworthy toward a young unknown girl, tells her even their REAL names, like he literally says ‘my name’s Joel and that’s my brother Tommy. We live further down’. Dude, why don’t you just go walking around with a banner around your neck stating who you are to the whole freaking world. At some point he even said the name of their home (Jackson)!’ - WHAT THE HOLY F*CK?! He even offered her to go with them and take her to their home and give her supplies. Then, even BLINDLY and WITHOUT ANY WARINESS follows her to a place with an unknown sized group, where he and Tommy don’t know anyone - HOLY FREAKING HELL?! It’s not like it could be a trap, I mean it’s completely normal that there are many survivors camping up in the mountains in the middle of a snow blizzard, it’s the perfect season for doing that ¬¬. We’re living in times were everyone is kind to each other… I just don’t get it. This behaviour change is too radical and old habits die hard, especially ones acquired and used for decades!! That’s a big flaw from Naughty Dog regarding Joel. They portrayed him as someone stupid (sorry Joel but it’s true), sloppy, too soft, etc. He’s older and fatherlier with Ellie all fine and good, but he’d still be very cautious toward outsiders, particularly when they outnumber him!! It’s true that at some point we’ll have to be more trustworthy toward others in order to try and reestablish society or something close to it but you’d still be wary and wouldn’t take them right to your home first thing!! I had also into consideration that they were being chased by a horde of runners and clickers and their options where limited but still!

In some games the death of an important and primary character is sometimes essential. TLOU II is one of them because this was necessary for Ellie to grown and learn more about herself, the world she lives in, among others but Joel deserved way better than what he got! I feel for Tommy too, he didn’t deserve to split up with Maria or lose an eye but I believe the reason as to why he became obsessed with avenging Joel was because he already thinks he failed him in the past already, either when Sarah died, or when he joined the Fireflies and Joel wasn’t happy about it, or when they blindly trusted Abby and her friends.

Before I start with Abby, we need to establish something else first: revenge is about retaliation; justice is about restoring balance. The motive of revenge has mostly to do with expressing rage, hatred, or spite. It’s a protest or payback, and its foremost intent is to harm. And because it’s so impassioned, it’s typically disproportionate to the original injury—meaning that it usually can’t be viewed as just. The punishment may fit the crime, but it’s often an exaggerated response to another’s perceived offense. Nevertheless, I do believe that justice comes from vengeance but that type of justice only breeds more vengeance, and this is what Abby essentially does, avenge her father (even though I believe he lost his way and became unscrupulous) and ends up being capable to live with herself with little to no trouble after what she did to Joel, after repeatedly hitting him over and over and over again with a golf club, and forcing Ellie to watch the last bit. Abby and a bunch of others, who were also aware of her secretive plans, travel thousands of miles just to find Joel and brutalise him and massacre him. That scene was really brutal. But at some point both Abby and Ellie have to realise that vengeance is not the answer and if everyone keeps coming back seeking vengeance, then they’ll move around in a vicious circle until someone decides to forgive because killing like this not only hurts themselves, but also those they love and love them.

I don’t see the WLF as a whole as someone who deserves sympathy. They’re quite similar to the Fireflies who maybe at some point had noble goals (or almost) but ended up strayed from their path. They loot and kill everyone they see, no questions asked (much like the police these days in our world), even if they’re just passing by and aren’t affiliated to any group and just want to survive.

The ending of TLOU II couldn’t have been better. Ellie was happy with Dina and the baby but deep down she knew she didn’t close the chapter with Joel’s murder. Abby, and knew that at some point, she’d have to revisit that part to close it entirely. Her leaving with Tommy was the right decision, even if Dina wouldn’t/couldn’t fully understand why and I feel sad for Maria too but I strongly believe that she’ll return - whether or not Dina will wait for her is another story.

This is all I’ve to add. I’ve been sitting her for about 5+ hours writing this because I wanted to put my perspective of this masterpiece out there and show people that the game is still great.

Let me know your thoughts!!

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E58 (Apr. 16, 2019)

Gooooood evening, everyone! @eponymous-rose may have social obligations she was actually looking forward to tonight, but I had a birthday party I was desperately trying to get out of, and so I am here, and Henry is also here, looking immensely put-upon at this human flopped on his pillow.

Tonight’s guests: Liam O’Brien & Taliesin Jaffe. Liam’s shirt is remarkably Tal-ish tonight. Rep it, boys.

Tonight’s announcements: New campaign journals available at therooktheraven.com/criticalrole. They’ll be at Denver Pop Culture Con next week MONTH! sorry!--Ashley will be there too! It’ll be the first time everyone’s been at a con together...possibly ever! Liam: “Four years in the making.” Everyone’s sick & Brian took Nyquil thirty minutes ago. This should be an interesting evening. Three days left in the Kickstarter campaign! Earlier today, they cracked $10 million, which means Travis’ll be filming himself traipsing through a haunted house. Good heavens. This Thursday, about half an hour after CR ends, Joel Hodgson from MST3K will be coming on the show to hang out with the guys & celebrate.

And now...Episode 58: Wood & Steel

CR Stats: briefly derailed by accusations that Brian’s hair looks like a shark fin. Caleb’s spent 1475 gold on paper and ink so far. Liam: “God, grad school, man.” Caduceus has used Eyes of the Grave 13 times. “It’s a little panic spell, really. Every now and then it helps. It’s nice to be able to walk into a room and go, ‘hey, is there anyone undead in here?’“ This episode was Yasha’s first natural one stealth check. “Not Ashley’s, though.” “No.”

Tal’s shoulder is still peeling from Ashley’s roast of Sam pre-show last episode. Neither Liam nor Tal think Sam was really prepared for it, and now Sam’s working overtime to make up for it. The president we deserve, honestly.

Re: Cad’s check on Fjord: “Clay loves these people. On the other hand, he also has a sense about what an addict is. I love you, I trust you, and I’m gonna go through your wallet real quick.” He was trying to validate his own trust in Fjord just in case he needed to stop him doing anything dumb later.

Taliesin is REALLY excited (one might say gleeful) about making Travis’s haunted house experience as terrible as possible. Brian suggests tasers in case Travis starts barreling through walls in panic.

Caleb is feeling as if he’s blown a bit of his cover lately; the filthy disguise that he’s maintained for so long is pointless now. He’s expecting someone to come “knocking at the door soonish.”

The whole idea of consecution really, really messed Caduceus up. “Clay doesn’t know what to think. This is definitely a...bedouin monk having someone try to explain the flying spaghetti monster to him. It feel offensive and yet harmless...something’s rubbing him the wrong way and he doesn’t know what it is yet. He’s not really about the souls--that’s not what his order is about. His order is about flesh & what happens to the remains; the souls are the souls’ business--that’s what the Raven Queen is for. He’s not sure if it’s his own prejudices.”

Caleb has to think of Nott as a totally different person now. He doesn’t know what she wants, if she wants to run off with her husband now. His feelings for her haven’t changed. He thinks they were codependent for a long time, but now he’s faced with the reality that she doesn’t need him nearly as much as he needs her anymore. He hasn’t even had a chance to talk to her lately “because he’s not even sure if the script is the same.”

Marisha bombs the set with a laser pointer nerf gun. I am so happy I’m not kidding.

They discuss who did the laser pointer addition (Christina) and attempt to shoot off Brian’s hand. It misses & hits a plush. Brian: “You almost hurt Molly. Oh, wait.”

Clay hasn’t quite figured out the interpersonal relationships of the group yet. He’s kinda noticed the Caleb/Nott relationship (although it doesn’t make much sense to him), but he has figured out he and Yasha have the most in common. He first thought he’d get along most with Jester because they were both clerics, but now knows they’re completely different people who heal for completely different reasons (one out of enjoyment of healing, one forced). He really wants to keep Fjord & Caleb on the straight & narrow, and he sees his relationship with Yasha as more straightforward “I’ll help you, you help me.” Brian’s interested in hearing what Cad thinks Caleb’s right path should be. Me too!

Tal talks about how when they’re traveling at cons, he sits & thinks about other people’s characters and how he/Clay relates to them.

GIF of the Week! Big Shaft. What more needs be said, really. The winner gets a Cobalt Soul journal which Brian says is available on shop.critrole.com as well as the UK store which is A STRAIGHT UP LIE, BRIAN, THEY ARE 100% SOLD OUT, I LOOKED EARLIER TODAY, WHY DO YOU TAUNT ME WITH THESE LIES. >:((((((

Caleb didn’t ask Waccoh about dunamancy because it wasn’t the right time. Cad is very interested in the staff. Liam likes the Ring of Evasion.

What did Tal think of Fjord’s very Percy-esque intimidation in the last episode? “Take it! Run! Murder them all!” Percy loves the dodeca & would have loved to play with it. Both Liam and Tal marvel at how easily threat came to Travis.

In terms of the broken sword, Cad’s hoping for a lemonade-out-of-lemons situation. Brian & Liam switch seats so Liam can pet Henry. Understandable, really. He feels like it’s the world communicating to him that it is meaningful. “He always moves forward to something that feels meaningful. His job was to speak to people about their lost loved ones. He ran a funeral home. So while he doesn’t entirely understand how people relate to one another, he understands how people function, and he’s fascinated by that.” Tal constantly has to weight if his decisions are based on gameplay or something about Cad’s observations. He’s very acutely aware of the difference between his intelligence and wisdom scores.

Liam dabs & regrets it. Then he talks about how that’s why Cad makes Caleb nervous. It’s like talking to a human lie detector. Tal keeps talking a bit about how Cad sometimes spooks Caleb, but I’m 100% distracted by Henry jumping up & sitting between Brian & Tal. Poor Liam.

Everyone worries a bit about Ashley’s low AC, except Liam, who worries sarcastically. Ya jerk.

Liam answers an interesting question about Caleb’s selfishness--is his generosity this last episode a show to prove to the group that he’s a team player or is he just genuinely caring more about the entire group? Porque no los dos--he’s trying to keep them alive and working well together, and now he has different reasons to do what he’s doing. “Everything’s changed for him” over the last few episodes.

Everyone discusses how motivations change slowly over time and how it’s not a smooth journey--sometimes they’re selfish one day and selfless the next, and sometimes the “shitty purpose on the macro scale” still has “good happening on the micro scale.” It’s not a straight road and people can backslide. Taliesin: “I love something that’s complicated.” Liam talks about how Percy freed Whitestone and did some very dark things on the way there. Dani: “It’s all part of being one person with lots of facets.”

Fanart of the Week! I really hope it’s that GoT video! Ahh, it’s @morphenominal12′s portrait of Yasha. Okay okay okay, this is pretty good. Respect. At least Liam doesn’t taunt me with a journal I can’t buy. Why do I keep thinking it’ll stop saying “Sold Out” if I keep refreshing the page?

A question points out that all three of Taliesin’s characters come from large families (even if those families are dead or adopted). Tal says he doesn’t know much about being an only child & is from a large family himself. It’s part of starting from what you know, and he likes having a few pre-built relationships that he or the DM can build on later. He says maybe being an only child will be his next challenge.

Very, very belatedly, the crew adds a graphic of dollar signs falling from the top of the screen. They do it three times before everyone realizes it’s because Tal said he’d do only-child plots for money. “And on this show, we spend five minutes deconstructing a bad joke from the tricaster.”

Cad doesn’t know how he feels about consecution. They’re not undead...but what are they? It’s making him a little queasy but he can’t put his finger on it. He’s spent a lot of time thinking about how a nature cleric relates to larger heroic destiny, and about his need to see the kiln.

They tuck in a sleepy Henry. I would die for this dog.

Liam signs us off with all of Brian’s catchphrases. What a nerd.

And we’re out! Is it Thursday yet?