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mirahuyooo · 5 years ago

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Mutual Understanding | jhs

Mutual Understanding

— A mutual understanding has been set between you and Jung Hoseok

Word Count: 1,812 Contents: pining, angst, a pinch of fluff Pairing: Jung Hoseok x Reader

A/N: my heart really hurt as I wrote this tbh I didn't imagine my first hobi imagine to be angsty but here we are lmao I read that Hoseok said he can't handle long distance relationships and I also watch a girl's confession of her experiences of previously dating an idol sjjajwkejoejd all of that combined with a day of reading angst shit and I was immensely devastated so—

[masterlist]

Jung Hoseok was your childhood best friend—the sunshine provider of your days and the caretaker of your messy self. A lot had changed ever since he decided to jump into oblivion, following his dreams to dance and perform. You had tried to keep in touch, as best as you could, but the both of you had been whisked away by fate into different directions.

While Hoseok climbed a mountain of stardom, you were walking a meadow of what you liked to believe was a flower field. You had a decent job, and a decent living. Nothing exciting was going on with your life, but you liked to believe that you were content with your boyfriend of six years.

Alas, fate liked to have a laugh.

Nearly a year ago, your once again crossed paths with your sunshine, Hoseok, crying in the middle of the rain. "Miss, are you alright?" He had asked as he steadied you.

You hadn't heard him over the replays o the events in your head. You were numb, but hurting at the same time.

"(Y/N)?"

Once he realized it was you, he practically screamed at your state and fussed over your wellbeing, scolding you for being reckless. "What on earth are you doing out in the rain?!" He exclaims, quickly pulling you under the shed of a convenience store. "Do you want to get sick or something?!"

As he brought you shade, you jumped into his arms and cried—my God did you cry.

In spite of the fact that you ruined his clothes, Hoseok's heart broke at the sight of you, but never as much as yours after the bastard love of your life came to tell you he had found someone else.

You've known Jung Hoseok enough to know wholeheartedly that you would fall for this man over and over again. He was a heartwarming presence that gave so much love without asking for anything.

The butterflies had been in your stomach since you were young, and when you encouraged him to pursue his dreams, the butterflies led a massive revolt that broke your heart. In the years that they lay dormant, you had thought that they went away with Hoseok. Now, you realize that your butterflies were worse than ever before. They whip up a storm in you, whenever he so much as enters a room with you.

The chemistry that exists between the two of you was immensely obvious. You know it. Everyone knows it. You were pretty sure he knows it, too.

Alas, the equation is this; when there's so much in the way that guarantees so much hurt, how can the two of you be truly happy?

You used to think that love grew greater with time, but your last relationship had proved you wrong. The butterflies in you were sending you in a panic, just as much as they send you to high heaven. You were falling too fast and hard for your best friend, and that's spelling disaster and every single one of its synonyms.

Hoseok had told you before that one of the things he didn't like about being an idol was that entering a relationship would come with the long distance—something he claims his sweet heart can't handle. You agreed with him, seeing as you, yourself, have witnessed firsthand with people who didn't have luck with it before.

"It doesn't make sense," Namjoon said next to you once. "You two already act like a couple. You visit him, bring him snacks, make sure he's well. He practically puts you above everything, panics over your wellbeing, talks about you twenty-four seven. All that's just missing in this is the official label. Why aren't you two together?"

Why aren't you two together?

You knew why. You were scared, terrified, and afraid. Having no label with him hurts, but it would hurt much less than if they did. It just feels that way.

You found yourself mumbling to the mirror as you stared at the mess before you. It was three in the morning. Everything is deadly silent. Your eyes carry dark bags beneath them, a telltale proof of your sleepless self having a stressful breakdown.

"I love him," you softly declared with passion, "I love him so much."

And yet, your passion was soon stricken by the reality your mind smacks you with. "But it will ruin us," you tell yourself, "I know it will."

The comfortable silence that lingered between you and Hoseok was starting to teeter. The night that you found yourself encased in was chilly, and the regret of coming out here in the first place was starting to catch up with you. Alas, this had to be done.

As per his request, the two of you stood outside on the terrace, just near his and Jimin's room. With the clock past midnight, the others were most likely asleep or too busy with something else to bother you two. And so, here you were, waiting for someone to break the thin ice you're treading so cautiously on.

Your hand were in the pockets of your coat with your eyes pretentiously taking interest on the trees before you. In reality, your head was goi over the possiblities of where this interaction could go.

Soon, however, a sigh breaks the tension— or was it your heart? The eyes that met with yours lacked their usual shine, something wistful was swimming in its stead. "I don't want to beat around the bush anymore," Hoseok tells you, tearing his eyes away frok the trees and leaning against the railing to face you. "I like you, (Y/N)," he scoffs to himself as he tells you this, "Actually, I'd go far as saying I love you."

If it was truly possible, you would definitely hear your heart shatter into pieces now. Damningly, you can't take your eyes off of him. "I love you too, Hobi," you admit with a clear but strangled understanding.

Hoseok knew that there was something holding you back, and he knew that he'd have to take that into account with his own troubles. "But?" He softly asked, pulling from the railing to take a step closer to you.

You look up at him, heart racing ad you finally pour out your thoughts and fears of loving him. "But I don't think I'm ready to enter another relationship yet. I just want more time. I need more time," you confess, "I can see it know that I will love you so much. I already do, but I don't think I'll handle it well if things don't work out."

To your surprise, Hoseok nods in understanding as he takes your hands in his. "I," he sighs, "I feel the same way."

"Really?" Your disbelief shrouds you.

Hoseok nods once more looking down at your hands. "I've thought about it ever since I realized that I have more than just a crush on you," he said, sighing as the odds started to resurface in his thougts. "Long distance is going to be hard, and the fact that I'd have to hide you as well would be so unbearable. I don't want to do that, but I have to."

It was you against his purpose and dream to touch the lives of millions. He's a songbird that wants to brighten the days of others more, and you were just an ordinary one that liked to nestle at home. As much as he'd want you with him, it'll be like locking you in a golden cage with him for the whole world to view and judge. Hoseok knows the world will crush you under it's weight, and so he'll simply have to wait for the day he could get out of the cage to fly away with you.

Hoseok takes the last step that separates the two of you with only inches in between. He tucks the stray hairs that obscured your face, and he smiles at you so sincerely. "I want to kiss you, hug you, and touch you much as I want in front of others. I want to tell the whole world that you're mine and I'm yours. I want so many things, but I can't have them right now," he declares all of this to you with a blush reddening his cheeks further. "Besides," he then quips, "I don't think I could ever forgive myself if you got hurt because of me."

The gentle laughter that left your lips was deeply laced with the melancholy of your fate. One tear after another started to rush down your cheeks, sending small sobs to be heard.

Hoseok's heart broke at the sight of you harshly wiping your tears off, and scolding yourself like a child. His eyebrows furrowed in a mix of empathy and hurt. He places a gentle caress on your downtrodden face, tenderly wiping your tears away. "(Y/N), You know I hate it when you cry," he hushes you, as his own eyes grew glossy.

Your face grows more scrunched with emotions, as you blubbered your words like a child. You once had to push your feelings away to support him with his dreams, and here you were, about to do it again. "I just wish we had better circumstances," you tell him.

Hoseok presses a gentle kiss to your forehead. "Let's hope fate cooperates," he tells you with an unspoken promise that you wholeheartedly agree to.

Had you not in the process of healing, maybe then you would've been the one to actually convince him to be together. You, however, knew that you shouldn't rush around shards of broken pieces to welcome someone new. You would not only hurt yourself, but also him. God knows you wouldn't want that for Hoseok.

Since it was a fact you knew well that loving Hoseok would be the most blessed and risky thing you'll do for your heart, you want to come into his arms the best version of you. Someday, you'll come to him, all so loved by yourself that you'll have no other choice but to give him your love. Only then will you be truly happy.

The embrace that envelops you was filled with warmth, but the blizzard in you persists. You found yourself clinging to Hoseok just as tightly. You feel him nuzzle into you, cherishing this moment of intimacy, and you found yourself doing the same to him. The last of your cries were muffled by his love.

The moment Hoseok pulls away, you almost whimpered at the lost of his touch. You watched as he hold out one hand for you to take.

A mutual understanding was set. This was the right love at the wrong time.

"Friends?" Hoseok painstakingly smiles at you. You do the same, as you shake his hand.

"Friends."

Friends will have to do for now.

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