#JESUS CHRIST THE POOR MAN DIDN'T DO ANYTHING STOP

[k0uk0]

Hello I'm back here to whine about the stupid things that some people say about spiderbit's (or guapoduo if you prefer) relationship.

Today we got this, taken right from the source (Cellbit's English updates on Twitter)

Cellbit: Oh, also, Foolish! My husband said that you could arrest him… that was an answer he gave before knowing you actually arrested someone! So, in behalf of him, reconsider his answer, he meant "no"!

So, I've seen some people say "omg red flag!"

Bro, do I need to talk about this or are you going to figure it out by yourself that what qCellbit just did was because he literally cares so very much about qRoier and he doesn't want him to be abducted like it happened to him, Felps, Pac and Mike, Luzu, DanTM, Jaiden and Étoiles?

No because. How can you say it's a red flag.

You are saying that because you think qCellbit, speaking for his husband, is doing something wrong? And how do you know that? He's trying his best to protect him, not control him.

I've never ever seen qCellbit trying to control qRoier in anyway shape or form. Actually he's pretty nice, he's chill about Roier. If he was controlling he'd start following him around, he'd ask what Roier is doing 24/7, controlling his every decision. He's literally doing the exact opposite, do you remember before the marriage how Cellbit would kill instantly anyone talking about the election around him but as soon as Roier asked if he could, Cellbit reply was just "You can talk about whatever you want"? Because I do.

And they actually discussed the prison thing.

Literally.

Roier didn't know about the imprisonment of Pac and Mike, that's exactly why he said yes in the first place. Then he said that Foolish wouldn't imprison him because The Federation wouldn't ask him to.

That's it really. I don't see the red flag.

P. S.: I know it has become also common to joke about the red flags thing, and I find it funny! This post is specifically written for the ones who still take this seriously for some unknown reason, but the ones who joke about it are actually great dwdw-

[lustandrot]

Just a reply written to Quasimodo.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

As always, Frollo attempted his best at staying naive to the obvious fear and discomfort that his presence often brought the hunchback, but perhaps it had also been the very reason that he believed his method of discipline actually worked between them. It instilled a constant sense of remorse and self-pity in the boy and it was that remorse and self-pity that kept him loyal -- and pure. Not just in his eyes, but also in the eyes of their Lord, Jesus Christ.

It didn't matter if the man asked the deformed hunchback to repent for something that he had no reason to feel sorry for. If anything, it kept the boy grateful for his very existence -- and he should have been grateful. After all, he could have drowned the insolent creature in the river, and if it wouldn't have been for his God-fearing heart and the fear of being eternally damned, he would have very well succeeded. 

It didn't matter that Quasimodo wasn't Jehan anymore. He never would be. That illusion had been ripped from him many years ago when the Archdeacon finally realized and accepted the heartbreaking fact that he had been stuck raising something far worse than a profligate, reckless younger brother who simply embarrassed him and his position at the church and spent his money on alcohol and gypsy women. A brother who he had lost, regardless of to what, who, ... and when. 

To Claude, Jehan had been nothing but a failure. His failure for he had been his responsibility. None of it mattered now. He had been stuck with this...  thing that he had vowed to care for ... and teach ... and somehow... love -- though that feeling itself had never been possible for him or actually accomplished. Not in the full twenty years that the boy had lived in his care and protection .... and the absence of such a feeling never once bothered the man, either. If anything, Quasimodo served to be more of a favorite, valued pet to him than an actual human child that he might have been capable of loving. There was a sense of fondness and pleasure in the relationship for him, but not love. The disconnect, however, no matter how unhealthy or damaging, had always been natural for the Archdeacon and this was the way it had always been between them.  

With attentive eye following the boy as he obediently retrieved the bench, following their usual routine, Frollo merely gave a short nod of approval as the large, wooden piece of furniture had finally been set down before him. Sweeping his long, thick robes out from underneath him with one hand, he finally took a seat at his usual spot on the bench before setting the basket down onto the wooden surface that served as a tabletop of sorts - though Frollo never really allowed the boy to eat at the table like a normal human being would.

No. His spot was the floor and it always had been. Especially when eating. A lot of this primarily had to do with Quasimodo's constant issues regarding self-control and the art of good manners. It had been something of a struggle for the poor boy since day one and Frollo hadn't had much of a choice but to resort to unkinder methods when it came to teaching his charge proper restraint with food. 

Not being able to help but notice the apparent excitement written into the bell ringer's distinctly deformed features, the Archdeacon brought a hand forward before he opened up the basket slowly - not stopping until he held up a moist, plump blueberry in front of the boy who so desperately existed on the constant edge of craving such a thing. He would use this to hold over the other's head as often as it were necessary. Until the lessons sunk in. Then, the man finally spoke.

"Remember ... manners, Quasimodo," he reminded him with a louder voice, completely relying on the boy to pay attention to his lips and body language if he hadn't already paid attention to prior lessons, as this was a lesson the Archdeacon attempted to teach him every single day. 

Practically dangling the blueberry in front of the hunchback's face now, he cautiously but patiently waited for the other's response now, at the ready in case he had the need to recoil or pull back from the mongrel's snatching gloved hands. Giving the boy a look now that only insisted for him to make a choice and take the fruit, Frollo spoke again. This time -- louder for the primarily deaf hunchback in front of him.

"Self.........control......" he snapped very slowly. 

/ Writer's note; I would not have found such a beautiful Quasimodo if it weren't for this precious site that I still barely know how to use... but ugh. *Sobs.*

[left4deadstuck]

You bite your lower lip. You don't think being straight to the point with Karkat would be a good idea… Though you considered it heavily before ultimately choosing to go with an apology.

Okay… Here it comes.

Dave: hey. Dave: im… sorry Dave: im sorry man

Your voice is quiet. Maybe too quiet, making you think the other didn't hear you. So you look up to glance at the other.

Dave: genuinely i Dave: i didnt think wed see each other like

You don’t get the chance to finish before he raises his hand to cut you off.

Karkat: YOU KNOW IF I WANTED TO WATCH SOMEONE VOMIT THE FLIMSIEST APOLOGY KNOWN TO MAN, I'D GO OUTSIDE AND WATCH ONE OF THE INFECTED ASSHOLES OUT THERE THROW UP THEIR GUTS ONTO THE PAVEMENT. Karkat: AND IT WOULD STILL BE A BETTER "SORRY" THAN ANYTHING YOUR BATTER BRAINED SKULL COULD CONJURE UP RIGHT NOW. Karkat: SO SAVE US BOTH THE EMBARRASSMENT AND SHUT UP FOR GODSAKES

You scowl, back straightening. Goddamnit now you remember. Remember how much of a crabby jackass he is.

Dave: oh Dave: because sitting in the dark while silently death glaring at each other is productive Dave: cause we got all the time in the world to just kick back and do absolutely nothing but seethe at each other Dave: not like i was trying t

Karkat: TO DO WHAT EXACTLY? BE REMORSEFUL? BE ACTUALLY APOLOGETIC WITH NO ULTERIOR MOTIVE DESPITE KNOWING I CAN BE OF USE TO YOU? Karkat: DO YOU HONESTLY TAKE ME FOR SOME KIND OF FUCKING IDIOT?! Karkat: THAT I WOULD EVEN HUMOR THE IDEA THAT YOU'RE ACTUALLY SORRY?!! Karkat: THAT I'LL JUST TOSS MY RESENTMENT AND FRUSTRATION OUT INTO THE ATMOSPHERE BECAUSE POOR OL' STRIDER IS JUST A PATHETIC LUMP OF BRUISES! Karkat: *FAT FUCKING CHANCE.* Karkat: YOU COULD BE FOLDED INTO THE MOST DISGUSTING AND AGONIZING EXAMPLE OF HUMAN ORIGAMI AND I'D STILL BE "SEETHING" Karkat: SO YEAH, *I’M SORRY* THAT I DECIDED NOT TO WASTE MY TIME AND ENERGY HEARING YOUR LOUSY ATTEMPT AT A HEART TO HEART

Dave: … Dave: sigh

Once upon a time Jade had asked you and your mutual group of friends to test out the latest version of her new project. A mental inventory system that had a very convoluted retrieval and sorting system. Luckily her team was quick to fix that after your group’s trials with it.

Jade never really told you exactly why, but you always speculated that some people on her team, or well, someone, didn’t really trust your legitimacy enough when signing your NDA. Maybe it shouldn’t have surprised you though, after all you have made a name for yourself with your bizarre level of spectacles you do for the sake of irony.

It did not thrill you to find out the next morning that you would now deal with the living embodiment of “stick up the ass” as your personal bodyguard for however long the trial had to last for. Despite your best efforts to get rid of the guy, you’ve quickly learned a few things about Mr. Vantas here. One of those things being that he is skeptical and stubborn to a fault.

Well, there it goes, your plans being haplessly thrown out the window! Poor sons of bitches didn’t even have a chance-

You hear a snap next to your ear

Karkat: JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU STOP MUMBLING TO YOURSELF FOR A SECOND AND PAY ATTENTION

Dave: what Dave: you have another drawn out monologue about how god awful i am? Dave: are you sure your throat can handle that shakespeare Dave: ya dont exactly have the voice for stage anymore with all that smoke Dave: but lets be real here Dave: its probably a good thing that you cant blow out anyone within a 10 ft radius of you eardrums anymore because you decided to make causal conversation

Karkat: YOU MOUTHY FUCKING PRICK- Karkat: CAN YOU DO THE WORLD Karkat: AND ME ESPECIALLY Karkat: A FUCKING FAVOR TO SHOVE WHATEVER BULLSHIT YOU HAVE IN YOUR WINDPIPE AND FUCKING LET ME TELL YOU WHAT I ACTUALLY WANT TO TELL YOU FOR FIVE FUCKING SECONDS

Dave: ok sir ill be on my best behavior for "five fucking seconds"

Karkat:THANK YOU, GODDAMN. Karkat: AS MUCH AS I WOULD LOVE TO JUST KICK YOUR USELESS ASSES OUT OF MY HOUSE, I DON’T THINK I’LL BE ABLE TO SURVIVE A FIGHT BETWEEN YOUR POTENTIALLY TRIGGER HAPPY HELLSPAWN. Karkat: AND ALTHOUGH I THINK IT’S WITHIN MY RIGHT TO FEEL THIS LEVEL OF BRIGHT HOT ANGER TOWARDS ALL OF YOU… Karkat: SIGHS … I

He looks up at the ceiling as if his next few words are the greatest offense that any higher power could have subjected him to utter.

Karkat: (GOD I MUST BE MORE SICK THAN I THOUGHT.) Karkat: I, FOR SOME REASON THAT SHOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE SEEING AS I HAVE DEALT WITH ENOUGH OF YOUR TOTAL TRASH FIRE OF A PREDICAMENT, BUT HERE I AM EVER THE GLUTTON FOR MORE SELF-INFLICTED MISERY

Dave: yeah yeah i get it Dave: im a dick get to the point

Karkat: I DON’T WANT YOU TO DIE, YOU COMPLETE JACKASS!

Karkat: AND I HATE THAT CAUSE THAT RISKS MY LIFE FOR SOMEONE I ABSOLUTELY DON'T OWE SHIT TO, BUT NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I TRY TO THINK OF A REASON TO JUSTIFY IT TO MYSELF I CAN’T. Karkat: I CAN'T LIVE EASY KNOWING THAT IF SOMEONE DIED, EVEN IF THAT SOMEONE IS FUCKING YOU...I Karkat: I DON'T NEED TO EXPLAIN SURVIVORS GUILT YOU YOU FUCKING KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT

Dave: oh Dave: uh Dave:th Karkat: NO SHUT THE FUCK UP Karkat: FUCKING Karkat: NO!

Karkat: HAVING A SENSE OF COMPASSION STILL DOESN’T CHANGE THE FACT THAT IT’S EITHER I HELP OR I DIE. Karkat: DON’T TAKE THE FACT THAT I SOMEHOW STILL HAVE MY MORALS INTACT AS FLATTERY. Karkat: INSTEAD BURY THAT IDEA SO FAR IN THE WORTHLESS SLUDGE YOU CALL A THOUGHT PROCESS UNTIL IT ATOMIZES INTO NONEXISTEN-!

He must've worked himself up. You watch him as he moves out of your space to turn and hack up a cloud of smoke. Well, if this isn’t just the perfect time to digest the clusterfuck he has given you. While it is great that he is going to help you out, he’s doing it out of fear and as fuck up as it is, it’s an advantage you have over him.

Though is it a good idea to go along with that? That could risk him fucking you all over and abandoning all of you last minute. You could gain his trust, maybe offer him something that he might want, but even then what would you give him, you have no clue if you have anything to offer him, not to mention that again, he could still just ditch the plan when the opportunity shows up.

What are you going to do?

===> AUDIENCE

[raxistaicho]

Reading Edelgard through your Tumblr is so baffling. Particularly because they're just so casually ableist towards her.

She didn't actually have siblings and the experiment are supposedly very short so it wasn't that bad. She doesn't have PTSD or even struggle because of her trauma. She only use her trauma to manipulate other and justify her action, but at the same time she's a bitch for not telling everyone about it. Actually, her trauma was so bad it made her a psychopath and a narcissist ( but she isn't mental ill! those aren't mental illness, they're just bad people brain or something ). She is lying when she say something good, but she isn't when she say something bad. TWSITD don't mental abuse her outside of the experiment. Alternatively, TWSITD abuse her so bad she believe and do everything they tell her, but at the same time it's entirely her fault and she's a bad person™. Her time in Faerghus, sent far away from her home and family in a foreign region because of political turmoil around her father, is actually a fully positive experience. She's a bitch for forgetting and not be everything Dimitri want her to be. Edelgard is spoiled and had pretty good childhood. Dimitri and Rhea action are fully excusable because of trauma, but if Edelgard dare to do anything, even small, because of trauma she's a bitch. She's a bitch for being mean to poor little Duc Aegir, and he actually didn't play a part in her abuse. The horror that happened to her in AG is actually good and deserved.

Outside of the Tumblr circle I've even seen someone claim Edelgard has it better than Dimitri because, since her siblings died slowly, she had "time to prepare herself mentally for their death" unlike him. Or thar Lysithea was better because"at least she doesn't bitch about it".

And they don't even stop at her fan! They litteraly harassed a man with PTSD because they didn't like his analysis!

The worst is that you even continue to go on and on about it for hours, it's disgusting really. Also rooted in misogyny... It's enraging how they just want Edelgard to only have what they consider bad trait, trying to remove everything deemed good or inciting sympathy. They want a fully back and white world without any kind of nuance as little as it can be.

You really said it all, sadly. A meme image was making the rounds a while ago, showing the double standard between male and female troubled characters. Edelgard's haters really do twist themselves into knots, applying multiple standards to her at once. It's pretty gross.

And they don't even stop at her fan! They litteraly harassed a man with PTSD because they didn't like his analysis!

Hell, not even just the analysis, they harassed him for having the temerity to... uhh... write a fanfic.

Outside of the Tumblr circle I've even seen someone claim Edelgard has it better than Dimitri because, since her siblings died slowly, she had "time to prepare herself mentally for their death" unlike him. Or thar Lysithea was better because"at least she doesn't bitch about it".

That's so fucking gross, jesus christ.

[emphasisonthehomo]

It’s Not You, It’s My Enemies + Bar/Restaurant AU

If anyone else would like to throw a trope mash up into my askbox!

OHHOHOHOOHOHOOHOH

Let's say Danny is the head chef at some snazzy restaurant in the touristy area. He spends a lot of time unfortunately cooking expensive steaks to a state of well-doneness, because Mike and Jenna from Utah have terrible taste.

And unbeknownst to him, the restaurant in question is maybe involved with some light money laundering for the yakuza. Even if he did know, that's the owner's problem, not his. He just runs in the kitchen okay? He worked at a pizza place that was definitely a mob front when he was in his early twenties, whatever. Fuck off. He's here to make ends meet so he can afford to stay in Honolulu and do fun dad stuff with his Gracie.

So one day before opening, he's in the pantry doing restaurant things? Idk checking inventory to see if they have enough onions or whatever, when a man comes running in and slams the door shut.

"What the fuck are you - " Danny stops short, because oh shit. That's a gun and a badge.

The guy makes a violent shushing motion and jesus shitting christ pulls his gun, standing stock still by the door.

Danny clutches at his inventory list and wonders what the fuck he's gotten himself into. Usually when he's in a small room with a hot man, there's no guns involved. At least the guy has a badge? Danny hopes that's a good thing, but he's met too many bastard cops to rely on that.

There's a rush of commotion outside, the sound of people running, and another door slamming. After a good minute or two of silence, that Danny spends with his heartbeat loud in his ears, the guy relaxes a little bit, and holsters his gun.

"You didn't see anything," He tells Danny seriously.

"Uh. Bullshit," Danny says, because yeah. Bullshit.

The guy scowls.

"You're the one who decided to hide in an occupied room," Danny points out.

"What, was I supposed to go for the walk in freezer?" He demands.

"Why the fuck are you in my kitchen?" Danny asks then, because that's actually a much more pressing issue. The restaurant isn't open yet, his line cooks aren't even here. Danny's the only one who should be back here right now.

The guy points at his badge with a raised eyebrows.

"That means jack shit and you know it," Danny snaps, "Do you have a warrant? Why are you being chased around my kitchen?"

He rolls his eyes and ignores Danny completely, turning to open the door and UH NO. UNACCEPTABLE.

"Listen here Chief Wiggum," Danny grabs the guy by the arm and stops him from walking out the door, anger making him stupid, "You didn't answer any of my fucking questions."

Grabbing the man was very obviously a mistake, because he's jacked holy hell, and he goes very still and glowers and shit shit shit. But Danny's talked his way out of worse situations, he can figure this out.

Danny lets go immediately and holds his hands up.

"Lemme see your badge, at the very least," Danny offers, because yeah oops he is in a room with a man with a gun. He should pump the breaks.

The badge is shoved into his face almost immediately, and that's how Danny meets Steven McGarrett, Commander of the Five-0 Special Task Force.

~

And then blah blah blah plot. Steve is in the middle of investigating some more organized crime bullshit, and it would be deeply stupid for him to get too close to the chef, no matter how attractive he is. That's just asking for the poor guy to get in trouble, considering what the restaurant owners are involved with.

At some point Danny does cook Steve a very late dinner, in the kitchen long after they've closed. The two of them standing too close while Danny holds a spoon for Steve to taste the sauce.

Steve also uses one of Danny's good knives in some impromptu combat, and he not prepared for how furious Danny is after the fact. Once Danny's ascertained that Steve is in one piece, Danny goes off because WHAT THE FUCK that is NOT FOR STABBING that is for FINELY CHOPPING.

Also Danny's trans, but that almost goes without saying, with my stuff.

[oh-three]

PJO S1E7:

Who on Earth is this guy. Who's Procrustes. Oh, fuck, a half-brother and a murderer. How did I forget about him. He was in the books, right?

What the fuck kind of waterbed is that?

Lmfao, he totally deserved that. Have a taste of your own medicine, Procrustes.

I like how the entrance to the Underworld is literally marked with a door that straight up says "Do Not Enter".

"Don't make me come back out there!" You tell him, Annabeth!

Young Percy is perfect 😂

I was about to make a comment about Cerberus having a toy ball, but apparently it was Grover with a stress ball. Poor guy doesn't get paid enough for this 😂

"We're all dying...to some extent." Percy sounds just like me with that one.

CERBERUS! Oh my god, he is a giant Rottweiler, I love it.

I have never seen a dog fall asleep that fast before.

Those flying shoes are really coming in handy after all.

These guys have way too many close calls, holy shit.

Let's be honest, Cerberus is going to fucking swallow that ball.

Why is the palace upside down.

Sally Jackson is the best mom ever.

PERCY, STOP SACRIFICING YOURSELF.

O-kay, that's ominous.

There is something truly heartbreaking about the regretful sounds being literally bound into the ground by roots. No one deserves that.

ANNABETH, YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO SACRIFICE YOURSELF EITHER.

Oh, thank god.

Oh. So there dreams were from Hades. Okay, damn, thought for sure they were setting up Kronos for later seasons.

TAKE THE FUCKING SHOES OFF.

Jesus Christ. That was close.

And there's the fucking Master Bolt. How the fuck did Luke get it in his backpack.

OH. ARES, WHAT THE FUCK.

Sounds about fucking right, though. For Ares. But then, how the fuck is Luke involved??? Was he never the thief in the books? Does my memory suck that bad? Wouldn't put it past myself to brainwash my book memories with ones of the movies.

Imagine how hard it was for Sally, raising Percy and not being able to tell him anything about his parentage. Poseidon owes her compensation tbh.

Love the little temple-y things like that spot of flooring being an elevator.

Why is Hades so familiar. I don't recognize the actor atm, but I swear I know who it is.

He turned her into a fucking gold statue. What the fuck, man.

The plot thickens. Hades is so fucking confused. Everyone is so fucking confused and it's so funny.

AYYY, KRONOS MENTION.

SO I WAS RIGHT, THAT WAS KRONOS IN HIS DREAMS.

"And the goat." Ouch.

Get bamboozled, Hades. You got too ambitious too fast, my guy, even if it was out of rightful fear of Kronos.

POSEIDON SIGHTING.

Why does he have a British accent. Hades doesn't. Does Zeus??

There's something personal about Poseidon acknowledging that Sally's situation is unfair, and that there's no right answer to it. He's good, even if he didn't have the ability to raise Percy as a decent human father would.

Ayyy, team reunion.

Oh, fuck, Ares knew where they'd come out at. MAKE HIM PAY.

That was an awesome monologue. I can't wait till we get more of Poseidon next episode.

I can't believe the season ends next week 😭

[petrichorium]

PLUV I have finally caught up with wha (at least I hope I have, I could only find up to chapter 70) and…many thoughts very many thoughts

I’ll start with Dean—I for some reason was not expecting him to have a wife and then she appeared and the way that man MELTED stop it stop it he loves her so much, they love each other so much it’s so sweet. But his little altercation with Beldaruit…..Jesus Christ he pissed Beldaruit off so bad but understandably so. That was such a brazen move to ask about exchanging information when Beldaruit was in a vulnerable position. You’re right, I can definitely the see the potential for him being an ultimate antagonist later on…him and his son

Oruggio of course looked so good doin his lil thing, I am still stuck on the scene where he was getting really defensive over how Qifrey should just leave Coco and Tartah alone and not to embarrass them like PLEASE I have to know who hurt this poor man when he had a puppy crush on someone as a boy

And QIFREY…..pluv get him away from me before I shake him senseless, smack him silly, dig my claws into him. That fucking panel of him laying facedown in the water……….so speechless. Literally stared at it like “no way. no way is he going to die by the thing he hates the most.” And while I am SO relieved that it was just a smoke illusion, that was such a brutal scene. Not to mention Coco injuring her eye, literally a mirror to Qifrey’s injury…….so cruel

As for the girls, their character arcs have come so far, Aggot’s especially, she holds a special place in my heart

Just. Mentally pulling at my hair and rocking back and forth in a corner, this manga keeps pulling my emotions in every which way I don’t even know what to do with myself

okay u need to send me where youve been reading bc i can only find up to chapter 68 (dw, u didn't spoil anything) BUT YEAHHHHHH

okay the WIFE THING AHHHHHH im genuinely wholeheartedly obsessed with her And his utter adoration for her. like when i first saw her i swooned ofc but then her lil scene later on where it's clear shes Also very smart and capable and not like. just a sweet/maternal figure which i kinda expected...... whew. until proven otherwise i am going to make up a zayamaia in my head who is a true partner in crime for all of dean's fucked up schemes 🫣

ORU'S LITTLE TALK HAD ME CRAZY TOO SDJFHBV when i first read that i went running to my friend like "hes having flashbacks to when he and i got caught together as teens </3" SHDFBSJDKHFB but also </////3 qifrey's response to that <//////////3 SHATTERED me truly

the parallels between coco/qifrey make me absolutely rabid foaming at the mouth putting him in a jar and shaking him like a little bug. watching coco steadily going down the same path as him while he's so blinded by his own desire for revenge......... oh qifrey i want to dissect u

the thing that truly made me weep that i kept talking about btw was the plotline with galga (specifically when, after his memories are wiped, he tries to help the girl who wiped them like OHHHHHHHHHH my god OH MY GODDDDDD he is A Magic Cop who got his personhood wiped away because of it thus removing his corruption as a magic cop and with that stripped away!!! he instinctively chooses to aide a little girl oh!!! my god!!!!! oh my fucking god!!!!!!!!) and also everything w custas and dagda my poor heart my poor poor heart............

[papirouge]

That foxmatriarch twitter drama was sad and frustrating all over. I seriously pray she’ll be okay. This sadly reminded me of another woman in a similar situation where her husband was physically abusive and she refused all help from other more strict trad women who told her she had to leave when they would fight for families to stay together a lot. She refused because she didn’t want to be a single mother and deprive her children of their father. He was in prison for abuse but she still wanted to stay with him and saw him as the provider and protector. Being with a man was all she knew. She had no job, no education. She just broke down. Some trad scrotes started to kick her when she was down by blaming her and how she “picked” her husband wrong or how no man would want her as a single mom. I actually hate them.

My friend told me of a friend they had who was also in a similar situation - she wasn’t mean to other women for wanting to work or not have kids either. A very gentle soul. Fortunately for my friend’s old friend things worked out where she was able to find easy work remotely so the kids will be ok. I wish we were all okay in saying that being a mom who stays at home or a working lady who isn’t interested in kids is perfectly fine… because either way, there are low value scrotes trying to tear us all down

I checked on her twitter but unfortunately it's private :/

I checked on the reblogs of the post and it fell into Christian/trad circles and the radfem who dogpilled on this woman are getting shredded into pieces (which is what they deserve idc). Interestingly enough, not a single of them bothered to address the shitstorm so I guess they realized it was messed up..🥴

The story of the first woman is EXACTLY why it's not always a good idea to marry early. Without any education, women get totally reliant on their husband, and when said husband turns out to be a bum, they keep clinging to him because they don't know any better. But the thing is : STICKING WITH AN ABUSIVE MAN IS NOT BIBLICAL. When Paul's friend, Philemon, had his slave (Onesimus) escape, Paul didn't advocate for that slave to come back to his master to remain his slave, but he rather argued with Philemon to accept Onesimus as a fellow brother in Christ (Philemon:15-16). Under God's law, you can't consider someone as inherently inferior based on status (slave, unmarried, single, etc.), gender or race. That's why the Church is also guilty of creating a whole stigma around single mothers because single mothers aren't inherently lesser than married women with children ; shit happens, some men/husband are dangerous and leaving them is the best option. That's precisely because of this stigma that this poor woman would rather stick with an abusive man than leave him. The same trad scrotes shaming single women are the same shaming women who abort btw. They are spawn of the devil and should be actively rebuked

And yes, I wish Christians would stop their sick obsession with marriage and children - especially when this obsession is particularly oriented towards single Christian women which imo betrays their lingering obsession to control women. When Jesus is visiting Martha and Mary (Luke 10:38-42), and founds Martha harried in tidying up the house, he tells her: "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better" ....and what Mary was doing? she was simply LISTENING TO HIM....not getting married and having kids. Listening to Jesus is BETTER than anything we could ever do thinking we are being "useful". For Jesus, listening to him >>>> bothering about the things of the world. So single women should rather seek after the "ONE thing that is needed" = listening to JESUS. Not trad scrotes compelling women to get married asap & pump children just because.

[askthehills]

Lizard comes stalking through the door looking absolutely murderous, holding what looked like a strip of road spike cobbled together and gathered in his grasp. The weapon is such a strange choice that Eli is too caught up to notice the first swing before it’s too late.

Rusted, filthy metal bites into the skin of his shoulder and he shouts, staggering back from the force of the blow. Lizard was using the damned thing like a whip, casting what seemed like an ineffective weapon out with perfected momentum and control. The result was a painful wound opening up wide on Eli’s shoulder.

Gritting his teeth, Eli just barely ducks away from the second blow, dropping to his knees and surging forward towards Lizard. A not very elegant roll sees him kneeling beside the lean mutant.

“You don’t have to do this—“ Eli starts, just barely dodging another vicious swing of the spike. “—Jesus christ, can you just stop for a second?!”

Another swing tears Eli’s shirt open slightly, exposing a peculiar and faded scar on his pectoral.

Desperate, the smaller man brings up the metal rod he’d grabbed and swings it at Lizard’s leg, his only thought being to stop the man’s assault. Regardless, Eli’s strength isn’t as impressive as Lizard’s. If he did manage to hit, it certainly wouldn’t break anything.

Lizard was nearly blinded by anger, growling out animalistically as he swung the sharp weapon he used.. the spikes rattling n coiling before 'chinging',, slicing him open.

Whenever the spikes hit him some shots were luckier then others..the spikes seeping into his flesh at the swipe..fileting the skin lightly.

Then others, cut him but not deep at all..just a painful ache on his poor body.

Lizard got even more mad when he began talking. "They shouldn't of-" he grunted "hhnngh-" he swung it once more with pursued anger. "Kept you alive!"

He barked..until he got hit. Lizard was thin and nimble and didn't eat as much as he should. Despite this, the man had insane endurance. But..it still hurt.

His leg spasmed angrily before buckling. Eli had hit the sweet spot on Lizards thigh which caused him to wince in pain. As typical,, in fighting, there's a few sensitive areas ofc, yada yada,, he hit a vulnerable point on the side of his thigh

He kneeled, face to face as he coiled slightly from the hit. "S-shit!" He lunged forward from his kneel, tackling Eli..scrambling over him and pinning him down. Lizard hadn't noticed the scar yet.

[breadboysteals]

By the way I'ma vent so if you ain't wanna listen to my shitty ass first world country problems scroll away

When I was like 6 I used to say my dad was someone I'm not gonna specify because it's embarrassing everyone thought it was cute but it was literally because I didn't know who my dad was I didn't know my dad until I was 12 at which point my parents immediately divorced and I've had to pretend like I know him which I don't he's not my dad to me he's never been a father figure he was in prison for like 20 years I don't know this man and I'm not even allowed to feel sad because everyone else in my family has apparently worse problems I literally have learned to hide my emotions so much that I can't feel empathy I don't even feel bad when people that I loved died my Grandpa died recently I wasn't sad I'm still not sad I liked him but now he's just gone I honestly don't get what I'm supposed to be sad about and now when anything makes me slightly mad I have violent outbursts which I don't even win because I can't commit to shit I wanna eat healthy I don't I try to exercise I can't I give up on everything I do because every time I tried something new someone would go "you know that's really hard to learn" to the point where I can't learn stuff when I was in school the only subject I barely passed was math I couldn't learn anything else there is so much I want to do but I have no commitment this is probably just an every person thing though at 13 I had attempted suicide 20 times and I wasn't even confident in my choices enough to go through with that i was diagnosed with ADD at a young age but my mom refused to put me on medication because she thought I was a drug addict I did smoke pot at 13 so I guess you were fucking right mom it's not like i smoked weed because you beat my brother in front of me and told me it was my fault that couldn't be fucking it I can't remember a single good moment from my childhood I'm probably just a pussy that's trying to victimize myself though like lowkey my life can't be that shitty people have had worse and that doesn't give me any excuse to be a shitty person I'm not gonna do anything to stop being a shitty person because well I can't commit to shit besides being an addict to everything I try that makes me feel a little good thank god I'm too fucking poor to buy crack or fentanyl Jesus fucking Christ I'm just like my dad I'm poor addicted to weed and pushes away everyone that I'm close to fuck I'm shouldn't be venting I have no shit to be sad about this was fucking stupid

[fighting-these-demons]

Sweat as a shorthand for tears when they've lost hope My Beloved Trope from this anime! 💖💖💖😫😫😫😭😭😭

Onoda!!!!!!!!!!!!! He's so sweet and his spirits uplift everyone and he's just so great!!!!!! 💖😭💖😭

TESHIMA THINKING IF RIDING WITH AOYAGI AGAIN WITH HIS HAND CLECHED BY HIS HEART!!! AND REMINDING HIMSELF NOT TO GET DISTRACTED BECAUSE THEYRE IN A RACE!!!!!!!!! 💖💔💖💔💖💔💖💔

JESUS CHRIST TESHIMA!!!!!!!!!! 😫🤦 LET YOUR HEARTBREAK AND FEELINGS OF BETRAYL GO FOR A FUCKING MINUTE I BEG OF YOU!!!!

It makes sense though it was only like half an hour ago for them even though we're in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber of seeing every meanwhile and flashback there is to see. Of course he's clinging to that. His heart is so broken right now. 😭 Teshimaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

Onoda ships them as hard as we do and his faith is unbroken and I love him so much for it! He wavers when things get tough like anyone does but he believes in them so much!!! 😭

No matter how this race ends I hope Aoyagi tackles Teshima off screen and kisses him and their relationship survives this.

He doesn't say "no stay strong! " he says something like he won't let his feelings sway him.

And to that I say WHICH FEELINGS TESHIMA????? HMMMM???

Can't stop thinking about riding next to him huh?

Can't top thinking about how great a guy he is and how long you've been struggling side by side huh?

Love how the current team captain and who I assume will be the next team captain are both stuck on their Poor decisions on whether or not to stick by their friends and deeply regret them because they go against their nature.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! 🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊

WISHES DO COME TRUE TESHIMA!!!!!!!!!!! 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

THEY'VE GIVEN US EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!

💖😭

I'll never complain about Blue Predator Again!!! God Bless the Red Herring!!!!

They have him crying because Aoyagi came to Save Him!!!!!! I'm So Dang Happy yall!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IS HE GONNA CATCH HIS TEARS?!?!?!?!?!?! PLEASE SAY YES OH MY GOD

"BUT YOU CHARMED ME" "WHEN I LOST HOPE, YOU ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO BE YOUR PARTNER." "WE'RE A TWO MAN TEAM" "YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE WHO BELIEVED IN ME"

THE TEARS HIT AOYAGIS CHEEK JUST BELOW HIS LEFT EYE AS IF THEY WERE A KISS THAT TESHIMA BLEW!!!!!!!!!!

AOYAGI MOVES HIS HAND TO WHERE THE TEARS HIT IN A MOTION LIKE CATCHING A BLOWN KISS OR TOUCHING WHERE A KISS HAS LANDED AFTER A LOVER HAS PULLED BACK!!!!!!!!!! AND SMILES IN VICTORY!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

THIS IS THE SWEETEST AND GAYEST SHIT IN SPORTS ANIME HISTORY IM DYING THIS IS AMAZING!!!!!!! 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

DHSIDJSNSHSUSHSBSHSHS

aw man not the Imainoda crush kicking back into full gear! 💔😭😫 It's fair though. If I was Imaizumi I'd be falling in love all over again too. Onoda is just so great. He's truly Best Boy!

ONODA EXPLAINING AOYAGIS SACRIFICE!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂

Precious idiot. Embarrassment is his greatest enemy. Someone help Kaburagi his man isn't there to soothe him with Praise! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Onoda honey youre a pot calling a kettle black right now. Lmao!

HAND HOLDING!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

THE GLOVES OF TRUE LOVE AND CERTAIN VICTORY!!!!!!!

No you fuckin didn't! You liar!😂😂😂

These host club boys are all the same! All they know how to do is Make tea Worm their way into your heart with their confidence and Lie.

HERE WE GO BOYS!!!!!!!! YOU'RE HEADED TO THE FRONT OF THE RACE!!!!!! 🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊

uhg not him again

Kaburagi's Achilles Heel is embarrassment and the way to get him through anything is to praise him call him a genius and make him feel like a hero thay needs to save someone.

God Bless. Wish the anime could go further and we could see his and his man's journey through Sohoku and future races.

[bookstantrash]

Of course, eventually, Tomas realised she actually enjoyed the time alone, so it stopped. He couldn't have his wife enjoy her punishment after all. Instead, he decided that the physical punishments were better suited since Nesta enjoyed her own company. - you’re really starting this with the angst at 70%, simrah have you no compassion for my poor nerves?

Her current husband had clearly decided that her punishment for misbehaving was to just continue like nothing happened. Her wrongdoings from the ball had not been mentioned, and he seemed to avoid the subject while simultaneously wanting to speak on it. Nesta was fine with the indecision and continued to spend her days in the library. She would do so happily if she could stay there all night, too, but she didn't want to push her luck. Her husband seemed reasonable, but you could never predict what would make a man snap. Still, she knew that in the library, she was safe.  - THERE WERE NO WRONGDOINGS THERE IS NO PUNISHMENT NESTA PLEASE *screaming crying*

Robert was too gentle, and Philip was known for wandering eyes, hands and penis, too, if he could help it. It didn't matter if the recipient of his advances were open to them. - Jesus fucking Christ I hope Philip has the most gruesome painful slow death ever and that he regrets having ever laid a single hand on a woman. Also, kudos for Robert for getting the hell out of there and protecting his wife.

Her husband had also gifted her with so much; she knew other men would dislike her being given such freedom and power. She was sure Tomas was turning in his grave, yet the Duke did not care. - Nesta dear if you think Cassian has already given you a lot just you wait till you get more comfortable with each other and realise you’re deeply in love with each other, you won’t know had to expect. Also, I hope Tomashit is burning in hell i don’t give a damn if he’s turning on his grave

As Nesta steadied herself at the top of a ladder to clean the top of yet another shelf, she thought about how easy it would be for her to fall from this height. She could injure herself pretty badly if she landed on her head in the right way. She could die, and nobody would realise until lunchtime. - excuse me, I need a minute to cry until I’ve dehydrated my entire body’s worth of water

But as soon as the horrific thought popped into her head, she shook it away. She couldn't do that. The burden that would put on her sisters and, worse, the Duke was too much. Feyre was so heavily pregnant, and she didn't want to do anything to put the baby at risk. Elain couldn't stop mentioning her children and wanting them to meet their aunt Nesta. And then, of course, the Duke would be the subject of a lot of scandalous talk if she died. No, she couldn't do that to them. She had a responsibility to them all. Her mother had always said it was her burden to shoulder these responsibilities. Even after her mother's death, she had been unable to move past that feeling.  - the fact that even at times like this she thinks about everyone first before of herself I— we don’t deserve someone like you Nesta, you’re too loving and caring

He cleared his throat awkwardly before finally speaking. "My Lady," he said and then paused. Then, he did the stiffest, most awkward bow known to man.  - I will die for this boy

Now that the boy mentioned it, she could see their similarities. "Of course, it's nice to meet you, Arthur," Nesta said, putting on her best smile. It had been so long since she had smiled that she felt out of practice. "Is there anything I can help you with?" - you HAD to ruin this sweet moment with the mention of how nesta had probably not smiled in years since she married Tomashit. I hate you

Nesta smiled at him. "I'm glad to hear you're so excited to learn. All I ask for is an eager student, so you don't need to work day and night." - SHE SMILED AGAIN AND IS GOING TO TEACH HIM HOW TO READ I AM SCREAMING OF JOY

Claude had been delighted to see the boy with Nesta when he had come to serve lunch. Nesta had been glad that Arthur was a growing boy because he had eaten with such gusto that it had hidden how little she had eaten. The smell of the delicious food had made Nesta feel nauseous, so she had taken two bites and then left the rest while she listened to the energetic back and forth between Arthur and Claude.  - I’m begging you to STOP RUINING THE CRUMBS OF HAPPINESS YOU GIVE US WITH MORE ANGST

Claude had such a brilliant way with children, and his personality was infectious. She couldn't help but smile as she watched Arthur and Claude laugh. Nesta usually felt like an outsider left in the cold; being an outsider while Arthur and Claude talked was like being doused in sunlight. The warmth seeped into her bones, and she felt something inside her thaw as their joy hit her. - I love Claude so much and if Maizie had not called dibs on him I’d be knocking on his door offering myself to him as a wife

Claude had cooked a feast fit for kings, but she couldn't taste anything. Everything tasted like ash, so she kept her face passive. She didn't want anyone noticing, especially not her husband, who sat opposite her, talking about one of his tenants. Nesta never understood why her husband needed to tell her the ins and outs of his tenants; she couldn't imagine he wanted her opinion. Perhaps, like all great men, he wanted to talk about all the important things he did.  — I cannot stress how sad it’s to have Nesta don’t understand why Cassian is talking about the tenants because he wants to make her feel included in his life, maybe bring a sense of normality and make sure she knows what happens around their state in comparison to how she lived in the dark back in the Mandray Mansion (this is of course what I gathered from this passage feel free to correct me if I’m wrong)

"Claude told me that Arthur was helping you today," the Duke said. His tone was even; there were no accusations of anything, but she couldn't tell how her husband felt about Arthur spending time with her. Right now, he was just a boy, so there was no danger of him thinking Nesta could stray, but she wondered if that would come eventually as Arthur got older.  - I’m two seconds away from getting on a plane to smack you in the face for this

"Well, I offered to teach him," Nesta said quickly, looking down at her hands. She interlocked her hands to try and stop them from trembling so much. She knew she had done something wrong, and now she would have to pay whatever price her husband felt necessary. She just hoped that Arthur wouldn't suffer because of her. - Nesta is close to having a panic attack and all she can think of his Arthur and not about herself and also thinking Cassian will punish her oh dear god I AM GOING TO JUMP OFF A BRIDGE

"If you're happy to allow it, my lord," Nesta admitted. It was risky to say she wanted to do something, especially since she had already gone behind his back. He could see that she wanted to do this and take it away as a punishment. — Fuck you.

Nesta didn't reply; it felt like a trap to say she thought of something he didn't. Even suggesting such a thing would've gotten her the beating of a lifetime from Tomas. Despite knowing this act of the Duke was too good to be true, she wouldn't look the gift horse in the mouth.  – SIMRAG THIS HURTS STOP

Nesta had heard whispers that her husband treated the issues of the tenants and people under his general management in such a way, too. He was unaware of all their problems, but if he was made aware of it, he would always try to help. He had apparently once helped a tenant whose ewe was birthing. The Duke had only been passing by, but the man had called out, needing some help, and the Duke had not faltered in rolling his sleeves up. The man had recounted the tale laughing one night, saying he had done little more than take instruction from the actual farmer, but Nesta couldn't help but think that he downplayed things a little.  – He’s truly the people’s Prince, we stan

Nesta straightened her back, hoping her posture would help her look better. She didn't want to admit she wasn't feeling well. Any sign of weakness could be used against her; she had learnt that the hard way. Men didn't want to hear that their wives were not well. They didn't care, and it was disgusting to have to hear about anything like sickness. Women were meant to suffer in silence.  - istg if the entirety of the male Mandray population (Robert exempt) doesn’t die a horrible death with their horrible manor being burned down I will commit murder

"You look pale, and you've eaten less- I mean, you've not eaten very much," the Duke fumbled over his words. Nesta didn't have the energy to figure out what he really wanted to say; she was too tired, and her head felt full of cotton wool. She wondered how the Duke noticed she wasn't feeling well and why he would pay so much attention to her when he had better things to do.  - BECAUSE HE CARES ABOUT YOU *sobs*

Nesta had been to the kitchen only a handful of times since she had married the Duke. She knew she was not well-liked in the household, which was fine. They were very protective of their master, and everyone else kept their distance apart from Claude, who seemed like he could be friendly with a bear. That was fine; the distance meant fewer chances of anyone spying on her to report back to her husband.  - NO ONE SPIES ON YOU NESTA PLEASE

"Well, I'm asking you to call me by my name. I would like to think we're friends," Nesta said softly. It was true. Claude was the closest thing she'd had to a friend for a long time. The last friend she'd had was long gone now.  - YES YOU HAVE A FRIEND NESTA YOU TRULY HAVE ONE AND SOON YOU WILL HAVE MORE

She took a deep breath, Claude studying her as she opened her mouth to finally voice the truth. "In the Mandray household, the wives were not to eat first. Tomas and his brothers would eat first at the table. Their mother and sister did not sit with them often; they ate in his mother's rooms. The men ate without any abandon and were not the tidiest of eaters. Once they had done and left the room, the wives could eat what was left," Nesta said quietly. She had never admitted it before. She had never had the bravery to say anything, unlike others. - THEY HAD TO MAKE DO WITH SCRAPS AND CRUMBS AND GOD KNOWS WHAT LITTLE TO NOTHING THOSE SCUMBAGS LEFT THEM OH I AM SO FUCKING MAD

Nesta looked up at Claude, only to notice how horrified he looked. Nesta had never seen horror etched so clearly onto someone else's face, but with Claude, it was hard to mistake it for anything else. "Nesta," Claude rasped out, his eyes filled with tears. "Did they starve you?" - I’m so glad Nesta is opening up to someone, she’s taking baby steps that are in fact so huge for her and Claude is the perfect person given that she doesn’t trust Cassian yet

"No, not me, but my friend. She was married to Philip, Tomas' older brother. Her name was Clare, and she was the only person who understood what it was like in that house," Nesta said, her voice breaking as she spoke about her friend. She felt terrible for using Clare's pregnancy to avoid talking about her own, but then again, it was safer that way. She had no idea how the Duke would react if he knew she had been pregnant before, even if she didn't last very long. - if her being starved wasn’t already sad you managed to a) mention Clare b) Nesta having had miscarriage and c) HER THINKING CASSIAN WOULD PUNISH/BE MAD AT HER

Nesta shrugged. "I did what I had to do. It was better when Clare was around; she understood how it was. I got used to things; I got into a routine. I knew how to avoid things." She knew getting used to things wasn't okay, but that was the truth. She didn't want to say that she had wanted to die. Claude seemed concerned enough as it was. – I want to hug her so bad and give her so much love and care and attention I— *cries*

"He can't know Claude. He didn't want to marry me; he just agreed for my sister's sake. I'm grateful to him, but I know he's burdened by my strange behaviour. I'll get better, though; I'll become the wife he wants if he just gives me some time. I just need to learn more about his likes and dislikes. Once I figure him out, I'll be the wife he wants, and then he won't have any problems," Nesta said without even thinking. Her brain felt full of cotton wool; she had no idea what she was saying. She felt like she was speaking too fast and too slow simultaneously.  - Nesta you can be true with Cassian you can learn to be yourself again and just live you don’t have to walk on eggshells or mould yourself after what he wants because he just wants you to heal and be happy 😭😭

"Nesta, you know that's not what Cassian wants, right? I agree; I think you do need to get to know him, though, because when you do, I know you'll realise what he wants." Claude said. - Claude is the real mvp, he’s nessian’s first stan and supporter

She wouldn't usually be so glad he was so close to her, but she felt so unsteady that she gripped his hand like it was her lifeline. His hands felt so cool compared to her burning skin, and she fought the temptation to put his hand on her brow. Thankfully, her senses hadn't entirely left her, and she refrained. - if Cassian, who’s a walking furnace, is cold to nesta then something is very very wrong

"I'm not sure, I just feel-" Before she could downplay how ill she felt, she felt the bile rise in her throat as her stomach churned. To her horror, Nesta turned to throw up the contents of her stomach on her husband's shoes.  - I just know that when she gets better she’ll have a panic attack over this thinking Cassian will punish her and I already hate you for it

"Nesta? Fuck, are you okay?" the Duke sounded discomposed now, but his voice was starting to sound far away. She felt a hand touch her forehead, and some unsavoury curse words left the Duke's mouth. "Nesta, you're on fire; why didn't you say?"  - HE IS SO WORRIED OVER HER PLEASE

Nesta tried to say something, but her head was swimming, and even thinking of words took energy she didn't have. She just wanted to sleep, and she could feel it calling her like a siren calls a sailor. Everything was too much for her, so Nesta simply embraced the darkness. She had just enough time to register strong arms grabbing her as she fell into the darkness lingering in her mind.  - oh you devil you played it so well. Gave me anger and anxiety and murderous feelings to then giving me Nesta passing out in Cassian’s arms, with him probably bride carrying her to their room to take care of her while she’s sick. Genius, an evil mastermind because now your death has been postponed

Excellent, absolutely incredible chapter, and I’m so so happy you updated it and I’m so anxious for what you have in store for the next one. But beware that my peace offer will last just for the sick fluff chapter, I shall go back to raging murderous reviewer on the others ✨

Chapter 9 - Nesta

A/N: Hello everyone! Long time no see. I'm gonna keep this short and sweet. Shout out to my beta for encouraging me to work on this!

Trigger warnings for the following in this chapter: mentions of suicidal thoughts, death during childbirth, miscarriage, starvation and physical abuse. As per usual, if there's anything you think I've missed that could be a trigger, please let me know!

Word count:   6119

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Nesta was at the point where she had reached a steady routine, which rarely deviated. The routine gave her structure, predictability and peace she had never had the comfort of knowing in her previous marriage unless Tomas locked her in their rooms. At first, when he would lock her in their rooms for days, he would beg him to let her out, which only made him angrier. Then, he would deny her food during her punishment. Once she got used to living in that house, she saw him locking her away for what it truly was: a blessing in disguise. She was safely locked away in the rooms, with nobody watching her or worse. 

Of course, eventually, Tomas realised she actually enjoyed the time alone, so it stopped. He couldn't have his wife enjoy her punishment after all. Instead, he decided that the physical punishments were better suited since Nesta enjoyed her own company. 

Her current husband had clearly decided that her punishment for misbehaving was to just continue like nothing happened. Her wrongdoings from the ball had not been mentioned, and he seemed to avoid the subject while simultaneously wanting to speak on it. Nesta was fine with the indecision and continued to spend her days in the library. She would do so happily if she could stay there all night, too, but she didn't want to push her luck. Her husband seemed reasonable, but you could never predict what would make a man snap. Still, she knew that in the library, she was safe. 

Her husband seemed nervous when he entered the library and rarely seemed to do so. Nesta assumed the years of neglect his family's legacy had seen made him feel uncomfortable, or perhaps it was something else entirely. Still, either way, Nesta did not mind that he rarely entered. 

She had thought she understood men very well up until her second marriage. There were men like Tomas, who wanted to show everyone how powerful they were, puffing their chests out like peacocks, just because he wanted to show the world something other than what he was. He seemed unable to move out of his brother's shadow and turned to anger. 

Then, there were men like Philip, who would crush anything they could not control. They were as slippery as an eel and sly as a fox and rarely had anyone tell them no. Those types of men were worse because they were much more confident in themselves compared to the kind of man Tomas was. At least with Tomas, Nesta knew she could play to his ego, which would appease him. 

Then there was the kind of man Robert Mandray was. He was so gentle he was almost like a woman. His brothers had no respect for him because of it, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't make himself more like his brothers. His wife had once disrespected his brother at the dinner table, so he slapped her across the face. Philip had looked proud, but Robert had looked horrified. He had left the house the following day, taking his wife with him. Nesta understood why; it was unsafe for either of them in a house like that. Robert was too gentle, and Philip was known for wandering eyes, hands and penis, too, if he could help it. It didn't matter if the recipient of his advances were open to them.

Perhaps the Duke was more like Robert, but then she wasn't sure if she believed that. He could command a room, and nobody could say he wasn't powerful. Nesta didn't understand much about the running of estates, but she knew the Duke of Illyria was good at it and had many profitable estates up and down the country. That kind of money came to someone other than someone who would run like Robert. Her husband had also gifted her with so much; she knew other men would dislike her being given such freedom and power. She was sure Tomas was turning in his grave, yet the Duke did not care. 

Perhaps this was the freedom someone with his status and power could expect. The Duke did not care that Nesta could run wild with all the freedoms he gave her. He was too rich and powerful to care. Even the talk of society didn't bother the Duke; it seemed not to reach his ears. Important people clearly didn't have the time for such things. The issue was that Nesta had never been around someone with such importance, so she had yet to learn how she should act. 

As Nesta steadied herself at the top of a ladder to clean the top of yet another shelf, she thought about how easy it would be for her to fall from this height. She could injure herself pretty badly if she landed on her head in the right way. She could die, and nobody would realise until lunchtime. But as soon as the horrific thought popped into her head, she shook it away. She couldn't do that. The burden that would put on her sisters and, worse, the Duke was too much. Feyre was so heavily pregnant, and she didn't want to do anything to put the baby at risk. Elain couldn't stop mentioning her children and wanting them to meet their aunt Nesta. And then, of course, the Duke would be the subject of a lot of scandalous talk if she died. No, she couldn't do that to them. She had a responsibility to them all. Her mother had always said it was her burden to shoulder these responsibilities. Even after her mother's death, she had been unable to move past that feeling. 

There was a knock at the door, one that startled Nesta out of her thoughts. Only Claude and the Duke came here, but neither knocked so timidly as this person did. There was another knock, this time a little louder at the lack of response. Nesta called for them to enter and started climbing down the ladder. 

To her surprise, it was a little boy who entered. The awe was evident on his face as he walked in, scanning the floor-to-ceiling bookshelves. The boy was so entranced by all the books he tripped over his own two feet but managed to catch himself before he hit the ground. He quickly straightened himself out, but his face started to colour when he looked over and saw that Nesta had been watching him. 

He cleared his throat awkwardly before finally speaking. "My Lady," he said and then paused. Then, he did the stiffest, most awkward bow known to man. 

Nesta stifled a laugh at that but decided to put the clearly nervous boy out of his misery. "How can I help you this fine morning, good sir?" She said, matching the boy's formality and curtsying back to him. 

The boy's eyes widened in horror. "Please, My Lady, you don't need to bow to me. My name's Arthur and I'm Eleanor's son; my mother said she's your maid?" The boy was clearly unsure if Nesta would even know who his mother was.

Now that the boy mentioned it, she could see their similarities. "Of course, it's nice to meet you, Arthur," Nesta said, putting on her best smile. It had been so long since she had smiled that she felt out of practice. "Is there anything I can help you with?"

"Oh, well, I was wondering if you needed any help, My Lady?" he said awkwardly while shifting around, avoiding eye contact. 

Nesta tried to control her facial expression at that. Why would this boy want to help her? Well, her first thought instantly went to her husband. He must've wanted the boy to spy on her. But then, another part of her questioned this logic. Why would the Duke wish to spy on her when nothing else entered the library? It would only make sense if he was worried about Claude, which also didn't make any sense. Claude loved the Duke far too much to risk doing anything that would anger him. 

"Why do you want to help me?" Nesta said, trying to keep her suspicions out of it. She didn't want the boy to feel like he was being backed into a corner. "This isn't where a young boy like yourself would want to spend his day. Surely, you'd rather go outside and play instead?" Nesta said, smiling so the boy didn't feel attacked by her words. 

"Well, ma'am, I know I'm young, but I want to work to help my mother. We- well, we don't live with our father anymore, so my mother works really hard. I'm the eldest, so I want to help her. Maybe, if I help you, the Duke will see and give me other tasks to do, too," the boy was nervous about telling her his motivations, but Nesta couldn't help but smile at how sweet he was. 

She had no idea Eleanor didn't have her husband with her, but her son was clearly nervous about mentioning him, so Nesta didn't delve into that anymore. "Well, as you can see, there's a lot to do around here, so I certainly wouldn't mind the help," Nesta said, gesturing around them. 

That put a smile on the boy's face. He rolled his sleeves up, readying himself for some action. "What do you want me to do first, ma'am? Just so you know, I know I look small, but I'm very strong, so if you need me to carry things, I can do that too!"  

Nesta wanted to avoid lumbering the poor boy by carrying books around for her, not when they were so heavy. The boy was skinny-looking, and although very eager to prove himself, she didn't know if his little body could take so much manual labour. Instead, Nesta looked for a kinder task that would allow him to help her without injuring him. She didn't know Eleanor very well, and while the woman was taciturn, she knew that there was a possibility that Eleanor could get angry if her son came back exhausted from a day in the library. 

"Well, actually, there's a task I've been putting off because I've been finding it too daunting," Nesta said conspiratorially. The boy nodded eagerly, waiting for her to carry on. "You see those piles of books over there?" Nesta said, pointing at the piles of books practically covering the lone table in the room. "Well, I need to figure out an order for them; the shelves I took them off were a mess. If someone could put them alphabetically, we could put them back onto the shelves much tidier. What do you think?" Nesta asked. 

The boy bit his lip anxiously before eventually replying to Nesta. "Well, ma'am, I think you could do that, and I could carry on cleaning. Wouldn't that be better?" Nesta was confused; clearly, the boy could see she wouldn't accept that without questioning him. "Ma'am, I can't read, so I can't organise your books. But I can clean for you," the boy said with a smile. 

Nesta blushed at that, cursing herself for being so thoughtless. Of course, someone like Arthur couldn't read. Although schools were around, they weren't open to accepting people from a lower class. Some factory owners in the north were known to build schools for the children who worked with them, but this was rare. Nesta wondered how many children on the Duke's estate couldn't read while she spent her day in a library. 

"Would you like to learn?" Nesta asked impulsively. It was too late to take the offer back, though, and now it lingered between the woman and child. 

"Would you really teach me?" Arthur asked cautiously. 

"If you want to learn, then yes. I've never taught anyone how to read before, but if that's alright with you, then-"

Before Nesta could continue, Arthur cut her off. "Yes! Please, I would love to learn how to read. I could get so many other jobs if I learned how to work. Please, ma'am, I'll work day and night if you teach me."

Nesta smiled at him. "I'm glad to hear you're so excited to learn. All I ask for is an eager student, so you don't need to work day and night."

As they both walked towards the table, Nesta finally felt that, for once in her life, she was doing something good. 

***

Her day with Arthur had been one of her best days in a long time. Nesta had spent two hours writing out upper- and lower-case versions of the alphabet and saying the phonetic sounds for them. Then she let Arthur try to copy her letters to the best of his ability while he said the sounds. While Arthur repeated the process, Nesta cleaned, staying close in case he needed her help. 

Claude had been delighted to see the boy with Nesta when he had come to serve lunch. Nesta had been glad that Arthur was a growing boy because he had eaten with such gusto that it had hidden how little she had eaten. The smell of the delicious food had made Nesta feel nauseous, so she had taken two bites and then left the rest while she listened to the energetic back and forth between Arthur and Claude. 

Claude had such a brilliant way with children, and his personality was infectious. She couldn't help but smile as she watched Arthur and Claude laugh. Nesta usually felt like an outsider left in the cold; being an outsider while Arthur and Claude talked was like being doused in sunlight. The warmth seeped into her bones, and she felt something inside her thaw as their joy hit her. 

When Claude had left, much later than he usually would, Nesta felt like she had been given a new burst of energy. She cleaned with renewed vigour, and Arthur decided to help her, which made the time go faster. Nesta also felt like she had gotten more done today, probably because there were two of them rather than her tackling things independently. Plus, when she was on her own, she tended to get distracted by the books she found, and before she knew it, the sun would be setting, and she had read a chunk of the most bizarre book ever. She wasn't sure which of the Duke's ancestors had been so obsessed with crocodiles, but she had found five copies of the same book. 

Nesta assumed that her lack of distraction today was why her body ached so much. Arthur had thrown himself into cleaning the lower shelves, so Nesta had felt like she needed to match that energy, but now she was paying the price since the boy was over ten years younger than her. Sitting at the dinner table across from her husband, struggling to lift her spoon to her mouth, certainly put her in her place. She wasn't feeling hungry. That queasy feeling from earlier hadn't dissipated as she had hoped. 

Claude had cooked a feast fit for kings, but she couldn't taste anything. Everything tasted like ash, so she kept her face passive. She didn't want anyone noticing, especially not her husband, who sat opposite her, talking about one of his tenants. Nesta never understood why her husband needed to tell her the ins and outs of his tenants; she couldn't imagine he wanted her opinion. Perhaps, like all great men, he wanted to talk about all the important things he did. 

Still, it was better than when he decided to be polite and ask her about her day, which was inevitable. 

"Claude told me that Arthur was helping you today," the Duke said. His tone was even; there were no accusations of anything, but she couldn't tell how her husband felt about Arthur spending time with her. Right now, he was just a boy, so there was no danger of him thinking Nesta could stray, but she wondered if that would come eventually as Arthur got older. 

"I had never met him before today, my Lord. He walked in and asked me for work," Nesta explained, not wanting her husband to think she spent her days talking to strangers.

The Duke just laughed, startling Nesta. "Arthur is ambitious and most likely getting underfoot wherever he had been spending his day before. I think it will do him some good. The boy is responsible; he just needs some guidance. He's a smart boy, and I'm sure he'll do well for himself in the future."

Nesta paused. The talk of Arthur's future made Nesta hesitate. Clearly, the Duke wanted the boy to succeed, but Nesta wasn't sure how he would feel about her teaching the boy how to read. While she had been helping the boy, it had occurred to her that she should've asked her husband for permission before taking something like this on, and of course, she should've asked permission from Eleanor, too. Some people could be peculiar about who their children spend their time with. 

"My Lord," Nesta said nervously. She could feel herself getting warm, the sweat gathering on her brow as she took a deep breath to calm her nerves before Nesta told her husband what she had offered without his permission. "Today, while in the library, Arthur mentioned that he could not read."

"Ah, well, I suppose that is to be expected," the Duke said with a sad smile. 

"Well, I offered to teach him," Nesta said quickly, looking down at her hands. She interlocked her hands to try and stop them from trembling so much. She knew she had done something wrong, and now she would have to pay whatever price her husband felt necessary. She just hoped that Arthur wouldn't suffer because of her.

"Is that something you want to do with your free time?" the Duke asked Nesta as though her opinion mattered to him.

"If you're happy to allow it, my lord," Nesta admitted. It was risky to say she wanted to do something, especially since she had already gone behind his back. He could see that she wanted to do this and take it away as a punishment.

"Of course, I'm happy for you to teach the boy. He's ambitious, and I didn't know what to do with him. It seems like you've found the perfect solution for him. I'm sorry that I didn't think of something like that sooner," the Duke contemplated. 

Nesta didn't reply; it felt like a trap to say she thought of something he didn't. Even suggesting such a thing would've gotten her the beating of a lifetime from Tomas. Despite knowing this act of the Duke was too good to be true, she wouldn't look the gift horse in the mouth. 

"There is no school for the lower class in this area. Rhys's mother once campaigned for it, but as far as I'm aware, she was told that unless there was evidence of some interest within the community, the government wouldn't be willing to throw that kind of money at the lower classes. They believed they could build a school, and the lower classes wouldn't send their children because it was easier for them to send them to work. I'm not sure how much truth there is in that, but it's a shame these children can't learn to read and write."

The Duke sounded thoughtful as he spoke, which Nesta had not expected to hear. Nor had she expected to listen to thoughts about supporting the lower classes. The Duke's family was an ancient one which could be traced back to the founding of Prythian. Meanwhile, the Mandray family had only recently been given their current rank. Yet, despite being so new to the money and social standing they currently had, neither Philip nor Tomas had ever looked at the lower classes with anything other than contempt or disgust. 

It was strange. Nesta had not expected her current husband to be so progressive. Then again, how he spoke of the issue made her feel like he had not thought about it in much detail before she had mentioned Arthur. But now that he knew it, he took the issue very seriously.

Nesta had heard whispers that her husband treated the issues of the tenants and people under his general management in such a way, too. He was unaware of all their problems, but if he was made aware of it, he would always try to help. He had apparently once helped a tenant whose ewe was birthing. The Duke had only been passing by, but the man had called out, needing some help, and the Duke had not faltered in rolling his sleeves up. The man had recounted the tale laughing one night, saying he had done little more than take instruction from the actual farmer, but Nesta couldn't help but think that he downplayed things a little. 

Nesta took a sip of her water as the silence started to linger. Where she'd usually water down her wine, she had bypassed it all together today. Nesta knew it wouldn't sit well in her already queasy stomach. She had hoped the water would help settle her stomach or, at the very least, end the pounding in her head, but it had not helped. 

"Are you alright, Nesta?" the Duke asked her, frowning. 

Nesta straightened her back, hoping her posture would help her look better. She didn't want to admit she wasn't feeling well. Any sign of weakness could be used against her; she had learnt that the hard way. Men didn't want to hear that their wives were not well. They didn't care, and it was disgusting to have to hear about anything like sickness. Women were meant to suffer in silence. 

"You look pale, and you've eaten less- I mean, you've not eaten very much," the Duke fumbled over his words. Nesta didn't have the energy to figure out what he really wanted to say; she was too tired, and her head felt full of cotton wool. She wondered how the Duke noticed she wasn't feeling well and why he would pay so much attention to her when he had better things to do. 

"No, no, I'm fine, my Lord," Nesta said, shaking her head and plastering on a fake smile. The Duke didn't seem convinced, but he didn't comment. He still eyed her plate, so Nesta knew he wouldn't stay quiet for long. "The food isn't quite sitting well with me; it's quite strong flavours and stodgy. I'll go to the kitchen to speak to Claude and get something to settle my stomach; it's nothing to worry about."

Nesta was loathed to explain herself further, but she knew the Duke enough to realise she needed to give him some sort of explanation. She didn't wait for him to reply, as she quickly got up and rushed to the kitchen before he could stop her. Perhaps there was something Claude could give her that would help- or at least something she could eat without being sick. 

There was chatter in the kitchen, but Nesta was past the point of processing it. The heat hit her as she rounded the corner and was met with various smells and sounds. She couldn't take it in; so much was going on, and her brain couldn't process it all in its overwhelming glory. 

Nesta had been to the kitchen only a handful of times since she had married the Duke. She knew she was not well-liked in the household, which was fine. They were very protective of their master, and everyone else kept their distance apart from Claude, who seemed like he could be friendly with a bear. That was fine; the distance meant fewer chances of anyone spying on her to report back to her husband. 

"My Lady, are you alright?" a younger man asked her. She didn't even notice when he came over to her. Claude had yet to notice her, but Nesta hadn't announced herself as she walked in. Her head felt so fuzzy that she had just ended up staring off into the distance at nothing. 

"I apologise; I know you all must be busy," Nesta said, trying to wade through the treacle in her brain to remember what she had wanted to say.

"It's no problem, ma'am. We're not busy; it's just Claude's chaos," the man smiled. Nesta had been introduced to him but couldn't remember his name for the life of her. 

At the sound of his name, Claude whipped around and beamed brightly as he saw Nesta. "Matthew, get back over there. You're not paid to chat with Lady Nesta," he said jovially. 

"Of course, Claude," Matthew replied, a grin adorning his face, and mischief sparkling in his eyes. That's you who's paid to talk to the Duchess."

Matthew ran off before Claude could say anything, but Nesta could see the humour dancing on his face. "Now that Matthew is doing his real job, how can I help you, my lady. Is there something wrong with the food?" Claude said, looking anxious. 

"No, Claude, definitely not. I just am not feeling too well. Is there anything you have that I can eat that will help?" Nesta said, blushing at her admission. 

"Oh, of course. I make some wonderful soups, but some tea might be quicker. What seems to be the issue, my lady? Perhaps Cassian needs to call the doctor instead," Claude said kindly, leading Nesta to a nearby stool.

Nesta shook her head. "It's fine; I just feel a bit queasy," she lied. 

Claude didn't look like he believed her but, thankfully, didn't say anything. To keep him from pressing the topic, she quickly spoke up, changing the subject. "Why do you call the Duke Cassian, but you're so formal with me?"

Claude smiled at that. "That idiot doesn't know how to treat a lady. He's the stupidest Duke I've ever seen," he laughed. "I jest. I've known him for a long time, and we've always been friends first, so it was natural to call him by his name. With you, well, I don't know you as well, so I wasn't sure if you would like me to be so forward and familiar with you. I wouldn't want to insult you."

"Well, I'm asking you to call me by my name. I would like to think we're friends," Nesta said softly. It was true. Claude was the closest thing she'd had to a friend for a long time. The last friend she'd had was long gone now. 

"I'm honoured, Nesta," Claude said, testing out saying her name. Here, let me make you some tea. What about having some pastry with it? Really, you should eat something if you don't feel well; it might help to settle your stomach."

"Thank you, Claude, but the tea will be more than fine. If I can manage something else, I will let you know," Nesta said kindly but firmly. She knew her stomach wouldn't be able to handle all that liquid and then food on top of that. 

Claude hesitated for a moment, weighing something up, before speaking. "Nesta, if we are friends, then I just want to say something as a friend. I hope you don't take offence, and I'm sorry if you do; it's just that I need you to know something. If you don't like something about my cooking or something specific you would like to eat, it would bring me great joy if you told me. I know you've said that you like my cooking in the past, but I can't help noticing you don't eat very much." Claude looked guilty like he had said something he shouldn't have. 

Nesta was frozen. She didn't know what to do or say. She knew her eating habits hadn't gone unnoticed, but she hoped people would just leave her to it. She should've known that Claude would never leave a food-related matter alone. Food was too important to him, and she knew he had perceived it as an insult because she didn't eat much of it. 

She could see no way around it. She had to tell him the truth. If she didn't, he would think she was rude, and in a house where he was one of the only people Nesta enjoyed the company of, she couldn't do that. She knew it was dangerous, becoming so attached to the man, but he was so soft and full of love and joy. Nesta couldn't help but be drawn into the man's orbit. She didn't think she had seen anyone so kind and willing to help others. She didn't even know people like Claude could exist. 

She took a deep breath, Claude studying her as she opened her mouth to finally voice the truth. "In the Mandray household, the wives were not to eat first. Tomas and his brothers would eat first at the table. Their mother and sister did not sit with them often; they ate in his mother's rooms. The men ate without any abandon and were not the tidiest of eaters. Once they had done and left the room, the wives could eat what was left," Nesta said quietly. She had never admitted it before. She had never had the bravery to say anything, unlike others.

Nesta looked up at Claude, only to notice how horrified he looked. Nesta had never seen horror etched so clearly onto someone else's face, but with Claude, it was hard to mistake it for anything else. "Nesta," Claude rasped out, his eyes filled with tears. "Did they starve you?"

Nesta hesitated. She had never really thought about it like that. At first, she thought it was so strange and questioned her husband about it a lot. Tomas had told her it was a long-standing tradition in their family when it came to married women, but it had always been about controlling them. 

"I never thought about it, but yes, they did, I suppose. There were times when we got nothing if we angered them. And then there were rules for if one of us was pregnant," Nesta explained, although she had no idea why she was explaining it. As the words came out of her mouth, she knew it all sounded horrific. 

"Were you- did you ever become?" Claude asked, clearly unsure how to proceed in that conversation. 

"No, not me, but my friend. She was married to Philip, Tomas' older brother. Her name was Clare, and she was the only person who understood what it was like in that house," Nesta said, her voice breaking as she spoke about her friend. She felt terrible for using Clare's pregnancy to avoid talking about her own, but then again, it was safer that way. She had no idea how the Duke would react if he knew she had been pregnant before, even if she didn't last very long.

"What happened to her?" Claude whispered

"She died in childbirth. The baby didn't survive either," Nesta said, wiping a tear which had escaped. Claude put a cup of tea down in front of her; she hadn't even noticed that he had done anything; she had been so consumed with her thoughts. 

"I can't believe how much you've been through, Nesta; how did you bear it?" Claude asked, clutching his own cup of tea. 

Nesta shrugged. "I did what I had to do. It was better when Clare was around; she understood how it was. I got used to things; I got into a routine. I knew how to avoid things." She knew getting used to things wasn't okay, but that was the truth. She didn't want to say that she had wanted to die. Claude seemed concerned enough as it was.

"That must've been hard, especially after your friend was gone," Claude said quietly.

"She was the only one who understood it, but I knew I had to carry on for her," Nesta said, taking a sip of her tea to give her some time to gather her thoughts. "Claude, I didn't tell you these things because I wanted you to pity me. I just needed you to understand that I'm trying my best. It probably doesn't seem like much, but it's all I can give now."

"No, of course!" Claude exclaimed. "And I'm honoured you felt like you could tell me."

Nesta didn't want to rain on his parade and tell him it was because she felt guilty for not eating his food, but then again, she would be lying to herself if she didn't admit that she felt some comfort around him. There was something about Claude which made her feel safe. She knew he wouldn't use the information against her like the staff in the Mandray household did. It was a strange sensation for her to actually trust someone. It had been so long she had forgotten how it felt.

"Will you tell Cassian?" Claude asked.

Nesta's eyes widened in horror. "No, absolutely not!"

Claude felt guilty for alarming her, so he held his hands out in surrender. "Sorry, I was just wondering if it would help understand the things you've been through," he said, trying to soothe her. 

"He can't know Claude. He didn't want to marry me; he just agreed for my sister's sake. I'm grateful to him, but I know he's burdened by my strange behaviour. I'll get better, though; I'll become the wife he wants if he just gives me some time. I just need to learn more about his likes and dislikes. Once I figure him out, I'll be the wife he wants, and then he won't have any problems," Nesta said without even thinking. Her brain felt full of cotton wool; she had no idea what she was saying. She felt like she was speaking too fast and too slow simultaneously. 

"Nesta, you know that's not what Cassian wants, right? I agree; I think you do need to get to know him, though, because when you do, I know you'll realise what he wants." Claude said.

Nesta didn't know how to react. Her brain was slowing down, so she raised her mug to take another sip of the tea. She didn't realise how much her hands shook until she spilt her tea down her front. Thankfully, the tea wasn't warm enough to scald her, but the shock of feeling the liquid on her startled her enough to make her drop her mug. 

She shot to her feet as Claude got up and grabbed a cloth. The room was spinning, and Nesta eventually concluded that she had not managed to fight the horrific feeling she'd been having all day. Her stomach churned worse than ever. 

Of course, her husband walked in on this chaos. "I heard some noise. What's going on?" the Duke asked, looking concerned. 

Claude said something, but Nesta didn't register it at all. The Duke clearly understood whatever it was that Claude had said, and took Nesta's hand to guide her away from the broken mug. 

She wouldn't usually be so glad he was so close to her, but she felt so unsteady that she gripped his hand like it was her lifeline. His hands felt so cool compared to her burning skin, and she fought the temptation to put his hand on her brow. Thankfully, her senses hadn't entirely left her, and she refrained.

"Nesta, you look pale and unsteady. Please, tell me what's wrong?" the Duke said in a frightfully close tone to begging her. 

"I'm not sure, I just feel-" Before she could downplay how ill she felt, she felt the bile rise in her throat as her stomach churned. To her horror, Nesta turned to throw up the contents of her stomach on her husband's shoes. 

It was over as quickly and suddenly as it had started, and Nesta felt the tiny bit of energy she'd managed to conserve throughout the day had left her body and lay at her husband's feet.

"Nesta? Fuck, are you okay?" the Duke sounded discomposed now, but his voice was starting to sound far away. She felt a hand touch her forehead, and some unsavoury curse words left the Duke's mouth. "Nesta, you're on fire; why didn't you say?" 

Nesta tried to say something, but her head was swimming, and even thinking of words took energy she didn't have. She just wanted to sleep, and she could feel it calling her like a siren calls a sailor. Everything was too much for her, so Nesta simply embraced the darkness. She had just enough time to register strong arms grabbing her as she fell into the darkness lingering in her mind. 

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[not-your-fucking-kacchan]

I NEED IT! I NEED SOME OF IT!!!

vigilante deku and villain reader please pleasee thank youu 👉👈

NAJSKDHBSJD OFC OMGG I HAVE JUST THE THOUGHT :D

Masterlist <3

Warning: mentions of attempted assault...

Vigilante!Izuku x Villain!Reader

The greenette had been all over the news lately. Of course he has. He's always had a flare for the dramatic.

You, on the other hand, were a little different. You liked to keep yourself free of public attention.

The two of you were just so fundamentally different, that it's just genuinely difficult for you to imagine anything going on between you and him, despite how much he likes to tease and follow you around like a lost puppy.

At least your causes weren't that different though.

He had turned away the chance to become a hero because the title no longer meant anything. It no longer held the same wonder and prestige that it did.

The former heroes are powerless against the government, and law by law, their freedom has been stripped away, taking the magic away from what being a hero once was.

He wanted the freedom to actually be a real hero, without the threat of lawsuit, or the government officials breathing down his neck. He wasn't interested in going to dinner parties with rich snobs, or enforcing laws that were made to be weaponised against groups of innocent citizens.

Everywhere he turned, there was inequality and injustice, from women's rights being taken away, to the demonisation of the poor. He was sick of only being a hero to the rich man. So he turned his back on the legality, because the laws were wrong. He even had AllMight's blessing. He had built a fanbase. The people loved him. You love him.

But you weren't doing this for any greater cause. You were just fucking sick of living in poverty and being spat on by the public and the government. You had been labelled a villain.

Although, the main factor that lead to this label was the evidence provided in court after you had murdered two men in an alley while walking home from work in the dark.

You were a little more than just different from Izuku.

He wanted to save lives. You were okay with cutting them short.

Although the circumstances were very much "kill or be killed" at the time, the law still sees you as a murderer first, and a victim second. So you had ran away from everything. You couldn't get a job, thanks to the fact that you were now a fugitive, and so you had taken to robbing banks, and big industry stores.

At least you had an ethical code though. No stealing from charities, small businesses, or the elderly or disabled. You were completely okay with robbing the dick dressed in an ironed and dry cleaned suit who had just verbally assaulted a homeless man, though.

When Izuku saw this, he laughed, and said "Power to you..."

Don't you just love a feminist man.

You and this fluffy haired, skinny boy had hung out after that for a while, and he had fallen head over heels with you. You were obsessed too, but you weren't sure if you were good enough for him. You had continuously been disadvantaged, and you didn't want to be his disadvantage.

You just couldn't take it.

But he just won't stop bugging you!

Jesus Christ, it's honestly like travelling around with a five year old on a sugar high.

"Pleaaase will you date me? What about now?

"No."

"What about now?"

"No."

"Okay... What about... Nnnnnow-"

"Oh for crying out loud!!"

He was really starting to wear you down, and to be honest, it's hard to say no so many times to something you want so bad. Something that's right there...

"Fine! I'll fucking date you okay? Now shut your stupid face, or I'll shoot that stupidly good looking face off your face!"

He shut up alright. It's pretty hard to talk to someone while your smashing your lips against theirs. You're sure not even the great Deku could do that.

It's like the day chooses this perfect moment to brighten, and the sun comes out from the clouds making a previously, dark and lonely looking street brighten up and transform.

Your eyes widen as he grabs both sides of your face, biting your lip and pushing his tongue into your mouth to woo you. What an idiot. How is this working? The tenseness in your shoulders loosens and you relax as you allow yourself to lean into a kiss that's actually... quite good. How does this little nerd kiss so good?

When he pulls away to smirk at you teasingly, only pressing another quick peck to your lips, he winks at you, one of his hands lowering to your waist while you sigh, resting your forehead against his shoulder.

"So... Go team?"

He snorts and buries a hand in your hair, happy that he can finally stop chasing you, and have you as his own now.

[bernraccnt]

Hello! Hope you're doing good, here is an idea of a scenario or a oneshot your pick. What if reader was a famous criminal by their talents in robbing and they met Mr. Wolf or the gang in one of their heists and with the past of time reader joins the bad guys and develops a crush to Mr. Wolf.

lets go oneshot!!!! not my best work i must admit but i popped my god damn pussy for this oneshot damn it

hype + beast (mr wolf x gn! reader)

before u read: 2nd person pov, reader is partially inspired by hype by tokyo machine, webs fangirling moment, guns are mentioned and used but not lethally, swearing, semi enemies to lovers but in a less tense way??? idk how to explain that LMFAO

wolf would say that he didn't really run into people while he and the others were on a heist. well, other people like them, that is. because of the bad guys' reputation in the big city of metropolitan, no one ever dared to rival them on their turf. yeah, the bad guys never actually hurt people, but no one trusted them due to their species anyways.

it was like that until he and shark were attempting to rob some rich man's gala and they both spotted a sneaky figure creeping around in the shadows. wolf had noticed the glint in their hands and recognized it as the super expensive necklace the group of criminals were targeting.

"stay here, wait for my order." wolf patted his aquatic friend on the shoulder, before slipping through the crowd. he kept his eyes on the figure in the shadows, following them out of the main room of the gala and into the empty hallways that led to a less populated section of the mansion.

wolf cupped his mouth, "you know, you got a lot of nerve taking our target!" his voice echoed down the hall, alerting the figure and making them jump a foot in the air.

"jesus christ." they whispered under their breath, looking over their shoulder. still in the shadows, wolf could only make out that they were wearing dark green dress pants and a crisp white button up.

to wolf's shock, they didn't do anything but give him a once over before turning back around and continuing their trek down the hall. now mildly offended, wolf broke into a sprint after them, which prompted the crook to start running as well.

wolf was many things and one of them was an incredibly fast runner, so he had no doubt he'd catch up to their person and be able to take the necklace from their hands. but, the longer the chase had gone, with both parties moving to the far side of the mansion, long gone from the party, it had shown that that wouldn't be the case. this person was just as fast as wolf and they seemed pretty strategic as well, since every hall they turned into never led to a dead end.

wolf had seen a glimpse of them pulling a mask over their face in the darkness, but ignored it for the most part. he gasped when they pulled out a gun and turned around pointing it at him. "whoa, whoa, whoa! hold on now!" he stopped in his tracks instantly, barely seeing the figure in the moonlight.

a third surprise for the night was when they pointed the weapon upwards and that was when wolf noticed that it wasn't a gun, but a grappling hook, that latched up to the sunroof of the room. the glass shattered and the hook caught itself on the window's edge, forcing the thief upwards.

"hey!" now that he wasn't scared of dying via bullet, wolf was angry as he searched himself for his own handy grappling hook. fuck, he must've given it to piranha today. "fuck!"

now on the standing roof, the mask figure let out a few giggles, mocking poor wolf as he sneered up at them. they tilted their head and waved their fingers. in that moment, their head was far enough back that wolf could make out a neon green and sharp grin painted on their mask.

the bandit pulled out goggles from one of their pockets and turned away, putting on the eyewear and sprinting from the sunroof and out of sight.

wolf stood there in the glass covered room before grunting angrily and tuning into his earpiece. "mission's over. someone else took the necklace."

"what?" the enraged cry that came from webs made wolf wince and suck in air through his teeth. "wolf, you made me research this damn necklace for weeks--"

"yeah, i know, but this guy was good. they already had it by the time shark and i were in the ballroom." wolf began to make his wack back down the halls he and the other sprinted down, now looking for an exit. "they were fast and were prepared. i think they knew we were coming."

"eugh. i hate it when people know what our plans are." webs sighed. typing could be heard from her end. "got any descriptors? height, body type, gender? anything?"

"uhhh..." wolf drawled, still walking the maze of a home. "they were shorter than me... couldn't tell many other features, we were in the dark for the most part-- oh! their mask was all black and had a green smile painted on it. they also had goggles--"

"OH MY FUCKING GOD." webs shrieked, blowing out wolf and shark's ear pieces. both men winced and groaned at the spider. "sorry-- but-- it's just that the person you ran into is, like, really fucking famous."

that was news to wolf. "they are?" he had finally found an exit through the gardens and started his stroll towards the car he and the others took to get here.

shark let out a confused hum. "what? like crimson paw famous?"

"nearly!" webs sent messages to their heist group chat and wolf opened it. it was links to articles, all of them having photos of the masked crook he just had a run in with. "their name-- well, alias, is hype and they're one of the best criminals of our time. they're on snake's level of thievery. maybe higher!"

"hm." was all wolf said, staring at the blurry photo. behind the silver goggles, he could pick out shining eyes that crinkled happily at the person taking the photo. "well... i guess that's understandable. we probably wouldn't have gotten the necklace anyways if that's the case."

he then heard webs let out an almost dreamy sigh, something that made him freeze. he never heard a noise like that from the youngest. "god, i wanna meet them so bad. you're so lucky, wolf."

he smirked to himself, a bright idea popping into his mind. "ah, who knows? we might meet them again someday."

waking up to your 7am alarm, you groaned and rolled over. your hand smacked against your bedside table until the music stopped and momentarily, there was peace.

and then your phone began to buzz, a phone call coming in. you let out another groan, picking your head up from your pillows and snatching your phone to your ear. "h'lo?"

"hey, i was just wondering if you could come into the shop today and pick up miranda's shift." your manager, damian, grunted through the phone. you could heard shuffling on his end and some clicking noises. "miranda did some shit and now her parents are flipping out on her. she lost her car privileges, so she can't--"

"save me the sob story." you cut him off, voice scratchy. "what time do i need to be in by?"

"9am on the dot."

"alright, see you then." you hung up before he could finish and let out a long sigh, flopping back against your comfortable bed. fuck, you were so tired of having to work and keep up appearances of being a normal person. once those student loans were gone and your parents didn't have to worry about you, you were going to live as a criminal for the rest of your life.

for now, though, you had a shift at a certain flower shop you had to prepare for.

you took a shower and after dressing in the light green polo and brown khakis that were apart of you uniform, you only had a coffee and a breakfast sandwich before walking out of your comfortable but small apartment. hopefully, life on the run will give you a better home to live in.

the drive to the flower shop was always less than thirty minutes, so you had arrived at the large shop. seeing damian out front and water the plants, you gave him a wave as you parked on the street and shut off your car. "what's good, big d?"

"never call me that." he snarled, glaring at you. "i got flowers that need to be put into pots in the back."

"at least say please, princess." you joked, smiling wider when he gave you a heated stare. you decided then to walk inside the large store and past all the flowers to go clock in.

shifts at the flower shop were normally either extremely busy or extremely boring. today was a busy shift, thank god, as you spent a majority of it giving people bouquets or explaining the significance of every flower when asked. you taught some kids how to properly pot some seeds and let some of them leave the store with pretty pink roses.

once 9pm had hit, you and damian got to work cleaning up the shop as best as you could. you swept the dirt off of the linoleum flooring and mopped afterwards, ignoring how much of the dirt had gotten onto you. damian and you counted up the money from today and split it, with him patting your back.

"i knew i could count on you."

"shut up." you replied, still smiling as you watched him lock up the shop. "when's my next shift?"

"two days from now, same time. i'm not sure when miranda will be back so i'll just put you on her schedule entirely." yay, more money for you.

you both went your separate ways, going to your cars and driving away from your job. you let out a hearty yawn, twelve hours of work finally catching up to you.

working wasn't something you enjoyed, but then again, most people didn't like it either. still, you found more purpose when you were out stealing things as the criminal, hype. when you would successfully break in and out of places, irreplaceable items in your palms. it was so worthwhile to see social media pages and new sites blowing up at your recent successes. you liked the attention you got from how good you were and wouldn't mind having it constantly.

still, the anonymity you got from wearing a mask would be unmatched. it was nice to go out and get essentials still and you knew most other criminals wouldn't get that luxury.

like that wolf you saw last night. god, you almost forgot about him. he was so angry with you, pretty fast runner too. of course, you knew the ever famous bad guy from anywhere. you'd be dumb not to, since they were always robbing the bank around the corner from the flower shop. you had seen them a few times, but never as close as you did last night.

they must've been living the high life. all they needed to do was steal and in style, it was what you wanted. but, alas, here you were. driving home half awake because of your shitty college debt. damn it, you should've never gone to school.

eventually, you reached your apartment complex and sighed in relief, shutting your car off and grabbing your bag before going inside. god, you shouldn't have taken a shower this morning, you were tracking dirt everywhere.

going back up to your apartment, you unlocked the door and stomped inside, being mindful to take off your dusty shoes before moving into the kitchen. you set your bag down on your kitchen counter and began rooting around in it. let out a small "aha!" you found what you were looking for and pulled it out.

cocking back the pistol, you turned and aimed it at the five animals frozen in your living room. "i'll give you ten seconds to get to fuck out of my house."

the wolf spluttered, seeing the deadly glint in your eyes and your finger on the trigger, the gun's sights aimed on him. "woah-- hold on a second!"

"wow, they didn't even hesitate!" piranha gasped, already liking your unpredictable nature.

"look, we don't mean to alarm you--"

you cut wolf off with a scoff and an eyeroll. "yeah, doin' a real good job of that by breaking and entering."

"--okay, that's understandable, but we were just looking into your government file--"

"ah, stalking. great." you sarcastically muttered, expression turning angrier by the second. "i'm going to singlehandedly bury you all in a few seconds. i'm not saying it again. get. the. fuck. out."

this time, webs crawled forward, holding her hands high as to not set you off. "sorry for breaking in, but we had to know whether or not hype lived here. i assume you're hype?" she asked, eyes shining with admiration.

you looked down at her, mouth curling into a frown. "you obviously know the answer to that question. don't you hack government databases daily, little spider?"

wolf shuffled and you returned your gaze back to him, still having the gun trained on him. "well, after running into you last night and doing some of our own research, we realized how good of an asset you'd be." he explained, sweating a little. you were terrifying to him right now and had he known this would've gone like this, he wouldn't have ever considered coming to you.

"ah, sick. you guys need my skill set." you grumbled, looking over the five of them. "why not use your little reptilian pal here? isn't he a modern day houdini or some shit?"

"i'm flattered, sweetheart." snake droned, with a sarcastic smile that you felt compelled to return.

"alright, i like you." you told him, breaking your glare to nod at him. wolf and piranha looked at you like you were crazy while shark muttered something about "seeing double" and webs wilted a little. "no, for real, why?"

"i believe you'll have to ask her that." wolf pointed at webs, who now was pink in the face. she flinched when you fixed your steely gaze on her and stuttered.

"ah-- i mean-- you-- you just have been a super big figure in the crime scene and-- it's kinda cool to see a human criminal. you guys are pretty rare." she was right, most criminals in the past had been animals. "and-- i kinda really admire your work. the whole anonymous thing is really hard to pull off and i'm surprised that you've never been found out."

"that brings up my next question: how'd you figure out it was me?" feeling your will slowly dissolving from the adorably sincere spider, you decided to change the subject. "i've been keeping everything on the down low."

this time, webs perked up again and began to ramble. "well, you had a great track record of keeping out of camera's sights and finding hidden places to make your escape, but i tied together all of your crimes to the camera footages of the places you had been to--" and webs just kept going and going, growing out of breath the more excited she got.

you held up your other hand, silencing her immediately. she muttered an apology but you waved it off. "okay, i can tell that you don't have any shitty intentions, so i'll trust your judgement for now."

"oh, but when i tell the truth, i'm the untrustworthy one." fed up with wolf, you turned and fired three shots at his stomach area. three bb bullets bounced off of him and he let out a yelp, crumpling to the floor in pain.

the other four were terrified for a moment, but you let out a chuckle. "not a real gun, by the way. he'll be fine in a few minutes." you reassured them, setting the gun on the counter. "now, i'm covered in dirt and you all look hungry, so why don't i order in and we can talk this over some pizza?" no longer feeling threatened, you smiled at them.

"pfft, after you just fired three bullets into our boss's kidneys?" shark guffawed, "fuck yeah, i'm down for dinner!"

after wolf had licked his wounds (not literally) and you had gotten a quick shower in, all six of you sat in your tiny little living room and ate dinner together. right off the bat, you and snake were best friends, sharing the same sarcastic humor and same love for thieving. webs was another fast friend, but that was more in like an older sibling younger sibling way.

shark and piranha were alright, they both were a little too excitable for your taste, but they made funny jokes so it was easy for you to ignore that. wolf, on the other hand, pouted the entire dinner, angrily munching on his pizza as he watched you bond with his friends. you knew it was getting on his nerves but you couldn't really care less about how he felt. served him right for being a little bitch.

"i'm super curious," shark said after he finished wiping his mouth clean of pizza sauce, "why haven't you quit your day job?"

you shrugged, debating between telling them the truth or not. despite actually only getting to know them for less than an hour, they already were closer to you than most of the people you interacted with on a daily basis.

you settled for not saying the specifics. "my parents got money troubles, so i gotta stay on the grid until they're fine. it's gonna look suspicious if i become a famous criminal and i'm still shooting money back home."

surprisingly, snake nodded like he understood and wolf gave you an empathetic look from across the room. "well, we can help with that." wolf shrugged like it was nothing, making you freeze. he noticed immediately and smiled, "yeah. what if we help you pay off whatever they need? would you join us then?"

fuck, he was saying all the shit you wanted to hear. you looked away, trying to think about it. i mean, all you needed was the money and you literally could have the life of your dreams that you wanted.

you tapped your fingers against your leg. "if you can get the money to my parents in a way that won't get them in trouble, i'll be a part of this crew." you conceded, raising your eyebrows as shark, webs, and piranha cheered. snake and wolf gave you smiles and shared a look with one another.

it was only four days later that you got a call from a number you hadn't saved. you were chilling in the kitchen, waiting for the water in the pot to boil and decided to pick it up.

"h'lo?"

"your parents are going to call you in a few minutes." wolf's voice echoed on the other end, making you stand up instantly.

"what--?"

"tell them that you've been applying for loans and this one was given by the new governor because she's a friend of a friend." and then he hung up. you had pulled the phone back from your ear and jumped when your mom's contact came up.

when you answered, you heard her sniffling like she was crying. "baby, i don't know what you did, but you did it! we just got a check for your college funds from the government!" your stomach dropped and your jaw popped open as she blubbered. "it's enough to finish it off! where'd you even find something this good?"

"i-- eu-- i had connections." is what you settle with, walking to your couch with shaky legs and sitting down. holy fuck, they actually did it. just like they promised. "who-- uh, who called you?"

"some man who called himself mr. poodleton-- that's not what we're worrying about right now! honey, we're debtless! you can start building your credit like we told you to--" as she began to go and rant and rave about the new steps in your already adult life, you stared down at your floor in awe.

just like that, you were free.

you smiled, the widest smile you had ever had on your face in the last six or so years. finally, you would be living the life of your dreams. and you only had one last thing to do.

"hey, mom." you cut her off, standing up and rushing to your bedroom. you pulled out your suitcase and popped them open. "why don't you and dad use the money that you were saving up and take a vacation this week? maybe hawaii? panama? somewhere beach-y?"

"that's a great idea sweetheart!" she squealed. "i'll tell you when we buy the tickets, let me go tell your father this now!" and she hung up without saying goodbye.

works for you, you're shit at goodbyes anyways. and while your parents were off at some island somewhere in the world, you were severing the last of your ties to regular society. you called damian and told him something had come up that caused you to quit and you gave your landlord the last of your lease's payments, because she was a nice landlord. you sold your major furniture and made sure to cease your phone plan, as webs said she was going to give you a personalized one.

at the end of that week, the five bad guys came and helped you move the last of your things out of your apartment. and since they were going to be driving downtown, you decided to wear your hype gear on your face, the mask and the goggles.

people gawked when they noticed the six of you in one car. it sent the right message, judging by the double takes.

the bad guys got a new member and just like them, this one's just as good at being bad.

piranha and shark were insistent on celebrating the occasion once you were back at their home, so you sat down and let piranha sing feliz navidad to you (because he said it was like an early christmas gift to have you around) while you sliced open an ice cream cake. on the top of the cake was written "welcome to the bad guys, hype <3" in green frosting. shark began passing around champagne and that's when the celebration truly kicked off.

you laughed and talked the most you had in your entire life. criminal activities weren't something you'd ever find yourself bonding with someone over, but here you were, sharing your best heist stories with webs and snake. hell, you even found yourself happily chatting up wolf, who was especially eager to hear all about the tale of how you took the necklace before he and shark could.

the festivities lasted until the early morning hours and by then, everyone else had gone to their bedrooms. this had left you and wolf on the couch, still talking and sipping your drinks.

"so, how'd you get yourself out of that one?" he asked, pouring the last of the champagne into his glass.

you snorted and rolled your eyes. "how else do you think? i beat up the rich piece of shit and hid his body so his staff would panic looking for him more than the ring." you were confident with every word, a smug smile on your face that made wolf's eyes lock onto it.

he went quiet after chuckling and darted his eyes back to your own. "y'know, up until recently, i thought you were a major jackass." he admitted.

"oh, not surprising." you smirked. "most people hate me. i just don't have time for bumfuckery, my canine friend." you had taken off the mask but your goggles hung around your neck. wolf then realized how much he liked seeing you in your gear. "but i also thought you sucked dick until you paid off my debt. seriously, dude, you saved me so much time." you tone had begun to be sincere and wolf found his ears tilting backwards at it.

"eh, it's nothing." he tried to shrug off your thanks but you were determined.

your smile dropped and you glared at him. "maybe not to you but i had tens of thousands i had to account for. shit, i didn't even want the damn degree in the first place, and you saved me from actually having to use it."

he snickered, drinking his alcohol. "well, i think you would've been fine. you were, like, in the fifth of your class. i'm sure anyone in that field of work would've wanted you."

"and i would've wanted myself in a casket after year one." you grumbled, making him bark a laugh. you laughed with him, finding it easy to unwind with him. "i'm serious! you five made me a very happy criminal. i don't know how i could make it up to you."

he smiled mischievously and jokingly stated, "i dunno. maybe a kiss would suffice." he laughed afterwards, turning to you.

you were already crawling over and he had to do a double take. "whoa-- wait, it was a joke!" he spluttered, going pink in the face as you stopped less than a foot away on all fours.

"well, you asked for one!" you defended yourself, giving him the biggest smile he had seen on you. "i did say i wanted to make it up to you."

for once in his life, wolf was lost for words as you continued to move forward. he subconsciously leaned back on the couch as you moved to be on top of him, knees on either side of his hips. a part of him screamed at him to stop this from escalating but the rest of him could only focus on how right it felt for you two to be this close.

you leaned down, just enough so your nose would brush against his gently. "hey, tell me if you don't want this." you whispered, staring him dead in the eyes.

wolf felt like he had swallowed a frog when he croaked out, "please kiss me."

you laughed under your breath before pressing forward and kissing him, starting slowly to make sure he was comfortable with this. wolf's hands came up and wrapped around your back, pulling you closer. you fell to your forearms. holding yourself above wolf's head and continuing to kiss him.

he tilted his head, slipping his tongue past your lips and deepening the kiss with a soft groan. you felt yourself smiling into the kiss, mentally cooing at the man below you. when he wasn't being a little shit, he was pretty cute you had to admit.

and yeah, kissing him is probably going to muddy up your already muddy relationship, but that honestly didn't stop you. for now, all you cared about was getting more groans out of him.

when you ground your hips into his, he let out a louder groan and glared up at you, pulling back. "you're evil." he pouted.

you laughed. "yeah, i know."

[cambria-writes]

Double feature today since these two chapters are so short! I really can’t remember what I was thinking at the time; I’m usually rabid about writing chapters over 2k words long but I guess I was in a rush.

Fun fact: the dog mentioned was inspired by the dog a (late) old man in my old neighbourhood used to walk. At the time it felt like a good idea to include Peeks; Johnny had passed not too long before and seeing his wife walk the dog kind of... you know how it goes.

pairing: jane x named reader   word count: 1,390 rating: PG13   warnings: gun violence, very mild swear, let me know if there’s anything else!

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𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝕾𝖎𝖝: 𝔉𝔯𝔢𝔢𝔰𝔦𝔞

As soon as you mention Peekaboo's scar, there's a gun. Jane takes several steps back. You scramble for the poor dog. She squirms and claws at your arms. Someone shrieks. You're not sure if you're aggravated or relieved that the crowd disperses.

"Give me my dog back." Gun waves around. Jesus christ what have you gotten yourself into.

"She's not your dog though..?" Hold Peekaboo a little closer. Thankfully she's stopped moving. Gives your arms a break.

"Craig, please, put the gun down," Mr Jane says from somewhere behind you. Not too sure what to think about his leaving you out in the open, either.

"No! No, I just want my dog back," Dog Show Serial Killer Craig demands. You can only shake your head. Staring down the barrel of a pistol isn't doing wonders for your backbone.

Pulls the hammer back on the pistol. You wonder for a second who the hell still walks around with a six shooter, but take a step back.

"Woah! Hey, you shoot at me, you're gonna shoot the dog!" Pull Peekaboo higher against your chest. Feels a little wrong to use a dog for your own safety, but whatever works, right? "You haven't killed any of the dogs yet, right? Why start now?" Trying not to sound too desperate. Probably failing horribly.

The gunshot causes more shrieking. You can't make most of it out from the ringing in your ears. Peekaboo promptly flips her shit, makes it nearly too hard to hold onto. Yelps when you squeeze. Well, maybe if she didn't wiggle like a god damn snake this wouldn't be a problem.

"Okay! Okay, please, just calm down!" Plead, crouch to the ground. The dog seems to be getting ideas. Give her a quick squeeze to calm her down. "Look, I'm not judging you, Craig. I don't understand but I can respect your decisions, alright? I'm not making fun of you." Sit down, cross your legs, curl yourself up around Peekaboo as much as you can.

Still feels like a dick move to turn the dog into the more prominent target but whatever keeps you alive long enough for whoever to save your ass.

"Just, Tommy's niece, right? You've seen her around probably. The black girl in the wheelchair? She's been seeing Peek for months since she can't get a dog herself. She's like a therapy dog to her, y'know?" Scratch Peekaboo under the chin, on the top of the head. Vaguely register the gun lowering.

You have no idea why a blatant lie about a girl needing a dog for therapy is working but you're going with it.

"She's not his niece," but Serial Killer Craig doesn't sound convinced by what he's saying.

You're halfway through going through a half assed explanation about how Tommy's first wife had an adopted step brother who had a kid about twenty years ago when Agent Lisbon—conveniently and magically—appears around the corner of a nearby car.

Shouts at Craig to drop the gun. Serial Killer Craig looks at her, mutters something. Turns back to you.

Oh fuck.

Shit.

You roll off to your right as he pulls the trigger. One gunshot is followed by a second, third. A fourth. The bullet grazes your left thigh and it burns. Don't let go of the dog. Turn to lie on your back, hold her against your chest and try to remember to breathe.

You aren't doing too well with the breathing. Someone off to your right declares Dog Show Killer Craig to be dead. You can't find it in yourself to be relieved. Your ears are still ringing.

Everything sucks.

Someone tries to pry Peekaboo from your arms. Screw your eyes shut, refuse to let go. Jane, to your left, quietly reassures you. Slowly uncurl your fingers from fur. Let go.

"Can you stand?"

Grit your teeth together, try to get yourself standing on one leg. Arms too stiff to hold your weight. Every limb shakes. You're carefully and slowly helped to your feet. Guided to the back of an ambulance. You expect to have the graze treated and be sent on your way, though you're informed you're being taken to the hospital anyways. You don't have it in you to protest.

Jane hops into the back just before you leave. Sits down, doesn't say a word. You grit your teeth in pain the rest of the way.

The hospital is wholly unnecessary and this is what you insist on saying every time someone asks you how you're feeling. You don't check yourself out.

Mr Jane vigilantly remains at your bedside, flips through a notebook. Doesn't look or speak to you for over an hour after you get a room. You're fine with that. You've been given pain killers, some kind of antianxiolytic. Besides the mild throbbing pain in your thigh, feeling pretty good about yourself.

Until you remember Serial Killer Craig's very dead face.

You try not to think about it.

Make an attempt at a nap. Wake up around two hours later, don't feel any better. A nurse pops in to check if you're awake.

"Sorry, the man that was here? Did he leave?"

The nurse smiles, politely. "Mister Jane left just about an hour ago. He left a note for you," unclips a note from the clipboard in her arm. "Said to call him when you felt up to it. How are you feeling?"

Better. Terrified, but better, is the conclusion you arrive at. the doctor who originally treated your wound comes by, runs through the process of after care with you, before eventually discharging you. But only after you very heavily insist.

Now that Dog Show Killer Craig is pretty much out of the picture, you see no problem going back to your apartment. Going to work in the morning... may be problematic. If you can spend the day behind the counter sitting down you figure you'll be fine.

You store the gauze, ointment and waterproof bandages under your bathroom sink. Make yourself a pot of coffee. Getting back to Yuba took far too long. By the time you can finally sit down and relax, it's nearly midnight.

This was not how you had envisioned spending your day.

You slowly sip at your cup of coffee, contemplate the note Jane had left you. Just the barely legible words "yellow tape?" and a phone number which you assume is his. You have no idea what that's supposed to mean.

Don’t turn on the TV. Or the radio. You assume that a serial killer being caught and gunned down at a dog show's going to make the news. You don't want to hear what anyone has to say about it. You especially don't want to know whether or not your name or involvement will be mentioned. You're not sure if you want it to or not. Schrodinger's feelings about murder solving involvement.

You play with your barely-charged phone. Save Jane's number in your contacts. Don't hit 'call'. It's late. You should be sleeping. You've been warned you might have nightmares. Definitely not looking forward to that.

Crack open all the windows in your small apartment. Turn on the TV to some soap opera for background noise. Grab your laptop, open a new Word file, and start writing.

He stands alone on the CBI rooftop when his phone dings with a message. He wholly expects to find Rigsby's drunk-texted him again. Sees a number he doesn't recognize, but knows the general locale of.

FROM: 530-555-2758

SUBJECT: (none)

03:14 AM

It's Skye. Not sure where to start. Yellow tape? What's that supposed to mean? Please reply when convenient.

(Also thank you for leaving your number I appreciate it)

Quickly types out a reply. Silently blesses the technology gods for the T9 function. (How would he ever be able to efficiently and quickly type otherwise?) Flips his phone closed, drums his fingers along the side for a bit. Heads back inside when he doesn't get a reply within five minutes. Assumes you sent the message in bed, halfway asleep. Probably feel embarrassed to message a complete stranger at three in the morning, and scared he might blow you off because of the time.

Smirks. Goes back inside to his desk and his cup of tea. Stares at the strip of yellow duct tape he stuck to the window.

@fucklife-or-me​

[starspangledprince]

First of all. All of what you guys said, I agree with. And it's one of the reasons why my description on this blog says 'Hey, you hate Steve? Cool, I don't need to know' (It also includes Tony because I manage to find both the Steve haters and the Tony haters very regularly)

When I first joined the Stony fandom back in 2019 (I'd been into the MCU since its inception, but more on that later) I followed back almost anyone I found in the Stony tag. I didn't curate it at all because I was fucking oblivious to the fact that anyone would hate Steve so thoroughly and still consider themselves a Stony fan.

That was a big whoopsie, because it only took a few weeks and suddenly I ran into posts on my dash about hating Steve. I'd start reading fics submitted directly to Tumblr that were about post-Civil War Stony, only to realize that they were in complete bad faith when it came to Steve. Sure, some of them were written well, but they only left me with something close to heartache.

And, don't get me wrong. I'm not going to say I loved Steve from the very beginning. I never hated him, but he certainly wasn't my favorite at the time (that honor goes to Loki). The first Avengers movie just did a poor job of characterizing him well, and I'd had yet to see CA:TFA.

Not only that, but I saw at least one of the blogs who were somehow into Stony, but also anti-Steve/Anti-Team Cap seem to subpost about my blog in particular. And, if not my blog, then someone's cute, innocuous AU. But I remember it still.

'Steve Rogers is not a fucking prince.'

I've theorized a lot about why people hate Steve so much. That perhaps they are holding him to a higher standard, simply because the serum enhanced everything. So, therefore, he should be perfect. Which robs him of all of his humanity. He's a good man, but he definitely ain't perfect, and he shouldn't be perfect. He's still human. He's still allowed to make bad judgment calls. He shouldn't have to know everything anymore, than Tony shouldn't have to. Their both different kinds of geniuses (Steve tactical, Tony technical), but that doesn't make them unable to err.

I wondered if they hated him because of some of the truly atrocious writing in the movies. Because if you don't look at Steve and some of the MCU writing critically whatsoever, he can come off as a sanctimonious prick.

But, regardless, you best bet I promptly stopped following those blogs. I cannot and will not ever understand why you would ship anything when you don't absolutely love and/or adore both sides of the ship.

Not only that, but I enjoy reading fic with either side of Stony with someone else. With Steve, it's relatively easy to do that without running into pure vitriol for Tony. Ships containing Tony though? Jesus Christ. Doesn't matter if it's FrostIron, WinterIron, IronStange, Pepperony, Starker (well I dont read it but still), etc. Most of them go out of their way to hate on Steve. That's not enjoyable. And I'm not reading them to also read about 'how awful' Steve is.

Even out of ship discourse, it's like they forget Steve and Tony are friends.

Both of my blogs (this one and Venomous-Soliloquy) are very Steve centric. I know that makes me wildly unpopular with some people. But, I'm glad to know I'm not alone in my love for him. 💗

So I made the mistake of stumbling onto the NOT STEVE ROGERS FRIENDLY tag today and..

You have to be a special type of delusional to be this obsessed with a character you don't like!??

Over 2k fics have the tag and are almost entirely Tony Stark-centered fics. I'm assuming these are the "fans" who totally buy into the MCU canon and don't know any other Captain America lore outside of what Feige and Whedon have done. Or, they're the "fans" who refuse to understand the politics behind Steve's character and how he was inherently undermined throughout the entire ten years of the MCU by the directors and writers for most of the films.

Because the arguments in most of these fics for being "not Steve rogers friendly" are really surface level shit like:

1) "Steve refused to sign the Accords and broke up the Avengers" (he was right & he didn't break them up, an overemotional Tony did when he refused to listen to Bucky's side of the story).

2) Steve fought Tony and almost killed him (yeah, like Tony didn't blast Bucky's arm off and shoot his repulsor rays directly at Steve).

3)Steve is homophobic (y'all are just making up reasons to hate this man atp)

4)Steve is racist (Steve hated racists & you'd know that if you read the comics, or you guys are just that deluded that you're making Steve racist & trying to project it as canon and therefore a "reasonable" explanation as to why you hate him)

5)Blaming Steve for Rhodey's accident (WHICH WAS TEAM TONY'S FAULT!)

6)YALL, THEY MADE STEVE THE BAD GUY IN A BROCK RUMLOW/BUCKY FIC! I stg I cannot make this shit up💀 Steve's bad for wanting Bucky to be Bucky again, but somehow Brock's the good guy for wanting Bucky to be the Soldier...

Steve left Bucky for Peggy (we'll get to this soon)

There's a hundred more irrational reasons for the Steve Rogers hate, but let me get to the WORST part.

THERE ARE BUCKY STANS WHO ARE ANTI-STEVE ROGERS.

And I'm sorry, no. I don't accept that you love Bucky Barnes but hate the one person he loves the most in the world.

They argued in a couple fics that "Bucky also went rogue after Siberia but he didn't want to associate with Steve, Nat & the rest of the team- WHO HELPED RESCUE BUCKY & EVENTUALLY EXONERATE HIM- but rather, he went off on his own & eventually Tony finds him, they hash it out and become friends to lovers."

Helppp???? Wdym Bucky isn't gonna stick with the one man he's been keeping diaries about to try and get back his memories? But he'll go to the one guy that re-traumatized him by blowing out his arm again?

Not only that, but Bucky absolutely hates Steve in some of these fics and the reason will be, "he left Bucky to go back to Peggy." Like, you cannot be a serious fan if you're still going with the Endgame canon. For a majority of us, we recognize Endgame as being nothing but terrible writing and mischaracterizations. Why are yall not analyzing and interpreting media critically? The MCU has never been on Steve's side and have always diminished his character in an attempt to make Tony the ultimate hero of the OG 6. Don't yall know the discourse? It's embarrassing atp.

And this is my stance on the entire thing: there's nothing wrong with writing fics about characters you don't necessarily like or aren't interested in. It's OKAY if you don't like Steve Rogers- but you've gotta be rational about him, instead of hateful. Most, if not all of these "anti-steve" fics are written in bad faith. Bad understanding of the character and pure, shameless mischaracterizations which just makes these types of fics fickle and weak- hilarious to read though cos that Brock one had me deadddd😭💀.